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We're all from West Covina!
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This is my favorite TV show.
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I love you, Rachel Bloom.
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Ra-ta-ta!
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Hello, Los Angeles.
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Oh, my God.
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You guys kind of made me tear up.
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We love you, Rachel!
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♪ West Covina ♪
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♪ California ♪
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♪ In my soul I feel a fire ♪
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♪ 'Cause I'm headed for the
pride of the Inland Empire ♪
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♪ Actually, it's not
in the Inland Empire ♪
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♪ It's in the San Gabriel Valley ♪
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♪ I should have taken five
seconds to Google that ♪
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♪ Before I wrote the first
song of the television show ♪
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♪ My life's about to change ♪
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Oh, my gosh.
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♪ 'Cause I'm hopelessly ♪
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♪ Desperately in love with ♪
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♪ Everybody ♪
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♪ West Covina... ♪
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♪ And also, by coincidence ♪
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♪ So random, just by chance ♪
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♪ Who'd-a thunk it?
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♪ So remarkable and weird, right? ♪
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♪ It so cray ♪
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♪ ♪
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♪ That this guy Josh ♪
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♪ Just happens to be ♪
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♪ ♪
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♪ Here... ♪
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- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
-- for www.MY-SUBS.com --
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Welcome!
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Welcome!
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Um, so, tonight, we are so excited
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to present to you just some
of the 157 songs that we...
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I know, I know...
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Uh, from the Crazy
Ex-Girlfriend songbook.
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"Songbook" was their cue,
so that was very important.
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Yes. Yes.
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Now, uh, because this
whole concert has to air
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in 42 minutes on The CW, we
have to be very expeditious,
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so I am going to both introduce the show
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and change into my next outfit.
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This is my dresser, Tommy Marquez.
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♪ He's single. ♪
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Um...
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See? I'm helping.
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Um, Tommy has seen me naked many times.
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Many times. Um, if Tommy had a nickel
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for every time he'd seen my nipples,
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he would have an answer that I can't say
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because it was redacted
by Standards and Practices
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for being too dirty of a joke.
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I like how I'm behind a changing screen,
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but the balcony can see everything.
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So, now, I'd like to introduce
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my two Crazy Ex-Girlfriend songwriters.
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On bass, say hello to Jack Dolgen.
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And on the piano,
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Mr. Adam Schlesinger.
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And now...
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I am changed.
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Coming up is a song that
manages to be both feminist
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and anti-feminist at the same time.
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Here's your jacket, bitch.
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♪ Right now we're angry and sad ♪
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♪ It's our right to
get righteously mad ♪
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♪ At every member
of the opposite sex ♪
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♪ Oh, God, we hate them ♪
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♪ Let's not distinguish
between them at all ♪
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♪ Let's just drink
a lot more alcohol ♪
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♪ And then high-five each other ♪
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♪ As we make a bunch
of blanket statements ♪
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♪ Let's generalize about men ♪
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♪ Let's generalize about men ♪
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♪ Let's take one bad thing ♪
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♪ About one man ♪
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♪ And apply it to all of them ♪
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♪ Let's conflate all the guys ♪
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♪ Let's generalize ♪
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♪ About men ♪
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Ooh, it's, like, "I have a beard." Ugh!
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♪ All men are completely repressed ♪
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♪ Uh-huh ♪
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♪ All men only want to have sex ♪
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♪ There are no exceptions ♪
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♪ All three billion
men are like this ♪
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♪ All 3.6 billion men ♪
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♪ All men are emotionally stunted ♪
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♪ When asked how they feel,
every man's always grunted ♪
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♪ And why do men never listen ♪
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♪ And only think about themselves? ♪
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♪ As opposed to women,
who always listen ♪
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♪ And never think about themselves ♪
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♪ Ooh, I hear you, girl ♪
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♪ Let's generalize about men ♪
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♪ Let's generalize about men ♪
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♪ Let's get super lit ♪
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♪ And not admit ♪
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♪ This is some kind
of primal ritual ♪
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♪ We need now and then ♪
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♪ Maybe our spirits
will rise if we ♪
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♪ Generalize about men ♪
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♪ All men are stupid and childish ♪
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♪ Even the ones who
are "smart and mature" ♪
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♪ All every man does every day ♪
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♪ Is watch porn, eat wings ♪
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♪ Burp, fart and snore ♪
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Hey. What about gay men?
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Oh, no, they're fine.
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♪ Gay men are all really great ♪
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♪ Every single one ♪
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♪ They're never mean ♪
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♪ Just sassy ♪
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♪ They're all completely ♪
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♪ Adorable and fun ♪
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♪ So let's focus for
now on straight men ♪
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♪ Let's just generalize about them ♪
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♪ They're all monsters ♪
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♪ They're murderers ♪
♪ They're rapists ♪
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- ♪ Totally ♪
- Wait.
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I have sons.
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♪ Your sons are gonna be rapists. ♪
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All right, uh, we'll be right back
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after I clean up all the glitter.
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Oh...
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Anyone want to, um...
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you guys want to...
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Okay, dare to defy.
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We'll be back.
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You know, during that
last commercial break,
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while you were all...
going to the bathroom
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or getting drinks or...
probably fornicating...
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um, I was actually backstage,
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uh, donating money to
some very worthy causes.
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- Wow, Rachel.
- Yeah.
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- That's amazing.
- Yeah.
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What, um...
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what specific charity did you donate to?
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What were the names
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of the specific charities?
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Children.
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What's the, uh...
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what's the tax ID number of Children?
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Let's just do the stupid song, okay?
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♪ I'm a good person,
yes, it's true ♪
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♪ I'm a good person,
better than you ♪
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♪ I'm a good person,
can't you see? ♪
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♪ Doctors Without Borders
don't have nothing on me ♪
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♪ I'm a good person,
and if you ask why ♪
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♪ I'll spit my good
right into your eye ♪
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♪ Everywhere I go,
I spread such bliss ♪
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♪ And if you don't
think so, you can kiss ♪
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♪ My ass ♪
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♪ Which is made of good ♪
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♪ I'm a good person,
that's my thing ♪
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♪ My nickname is Mother
Teresa Luther King ♪
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♪ I'm a good person,
get it straight ♪
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♪ And when I say "good" ♪
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♪ I really mean "great" ♪
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The best. #HumbleAndBlessed.
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♪ I'm a good, such a
good, real good person ♪
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♪ I'm a good person
through and through ♪
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♪ I'm a good, such a
good, real good person ♪
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♪ Let me hear you say it, too ♪
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Mom and Dad... Mom and
Dad, say I'm a good person,
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or I will put you in a
terrible nursing home.
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I'm a good person.
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No.
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Okay, just in case we
need it for broadcast,
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I need you both to say,
"You're a good person,"
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just in case it's not clear.
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Say I'm a good person,
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or I'll put you in a nursing home.
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And it'll be a bad nursing home, too.
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Say it. Say I'm a good person.
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- You're a good person.
- I'm a good person.
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Did you still say "I'm a good person"?
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Dad!
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Dad!
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Dad!
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Say it. You're...
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No!
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Dad!
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Dad, just, Mom'll cue you.
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Okay.
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Say it. Say it.
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You're a good person!
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Oh, my God, thank you... !
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♪ I'm a good, such a
good, real good person ♪
194
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♪ I'm a good person
through and through ♪
195
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♪ I'm a good, such a good ♪
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♪ Real good person ♪
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♪ I'm a good person ♪
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♪ Get it? Screw you! ♪
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And now, ladies and gentlemen,
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it is my good-person
privilege to introduce...
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Donna Lynne Champlin and the
Almost-All-Female Orchestra.
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Thank you.
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00:11:06,283 --> 00:11:08,516
I got the pretty dress, y'all.
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00:11:13,579 --> 00:11:16,480
♪ When I was a little girl ♪
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♪ I felt like a princess ♪
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00:11:19,662 --> 00:11:23,564
♪ So naive and full of hope ♪
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00:11:24,357 --> 00:11:27,335
♪ I thought my dreams
would come true ♪
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00:11:27,574 --> 00:11:30,171
♪ But then as I grew ♪
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00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:33,070
♪ The world was all like ♪
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00:11:35,211 --> 00:11:36,777
♪ "Nope" ♪
211
00:11:39,071 --> 00:11:41,249
But this time, maybe...
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00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:44,250
just maybe...
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00:11:46,078 --> 00:11:48,012
♪ Maybe this dream ♪
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00:11:48,123 --> 00:11:50,691
♪ Won't lead to disgrace ♪
215
00:11:50,716 --> 00:11:52,683
♪ Maybe this dream ♪
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00:11:52,708 --> 00:11:55,175
♪ Is in reach ♪
217
00:11:55,288 --> 00:11:57,288
♪ Maybe this dream ♪
218
00:11:57,356 --> 00:11:59,690
♪ Won't poop on my face ♪
219
00:11:59,759 --> 00:12:01,559
♪ Like a seagull ♪
220
00:12:01,627 --> 00:12:05,095
♪ At the beach ♪
221
00:12:05,164 --> 00:12:07,264
♪ Maybe this dream ♪
222
00:12:07,333 --> 00:12:09,333
♪ Won't be like when I go running ♪
223
00:12:09,402 --> 00:12:11,690
♪ And I have to take a dump ♪
224
00:12:11,715 --> 00:12:14,382
♪ So I have to rush home ♪
225
00:12:14,451 --> 00:12:16,184
♪ Plus I also have my period ♪
226
00:12:16,253 --> 00:12:17,752
♪ So I have menstrual cramps ♪
227
00:12:17,777 --> 00:12:18,909
♪ Plus dump cramps ♪
228
00:12:19,421 --> 00:12:21,222
♪ And as I run frantically ♪
229
00:12:21,247 --> 00:12:22,413
♪ I pee ♪
230
00:12:22,481 --> 00:12:23,914
♪ Just a little ♪
231
00:12:23,983 --> 00:12:26,004
♪ Because I've had two babies ♪
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00:12:26,029 --> 00:12:28,563
♪ So by the time I get home ♪
233
00:12:28,588 --> 00:12:32,500
♪ My undies smell like a sewer rat ♪
234
00:12:32,884 --> 00:12:34,225
♪ Maybe this dream ♪
235
00:12:34,293 --> 00:12:35,426
♪ Won't be ♪
236
00:12:35,494 --> 00:12:38,796
♪ Like that... ♪
237
00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:55,155
♪ Maybe this dream ♪
238
00:12:56,086 --> 00:12:58,986
♪ Will finally make me ♪
239
00:12:59,011 --> 00:13:01,678
♪ Feel... ♪
240
00:13:02,929 --> 00:13:05,563
♪ Like I ♪
241
00:13:06,626 --> 00:13:09,774
♪ Deserve... ♪
242
00:13:14,153 --> 00:13:16,677
♪ A... ♪
243
00:13:16,702 --> 00:13:22,316
♪ Dream... ♪
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00:13:25,086 --> 00:13:26,252
Ah.
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00:13:46,173 --> 00:13:48,492
How you guys doin'?
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00:13:49,019 --> 00:13:52,287
Yeah! I love ya!
247
00:13:54,781 --> 00:13:56,784
Oh, I have loved playing
Darryl Whitefeather
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00:13:56,809 --> 00:13:58,742
for the last four years.
249
00:13:59,348 --> 00:14:02,667
But alas, it's time
to hang up the spurs.
250
00:14:02,692 --> 00:14:03,624
Aw...
251
00:14:03,649 --> 00:14:06,175
But not just yet!
252
00:14:08,387 --> 00:14:11,772
So how about we show
a little bi pride, huh?
253
00:14:13,403 --> 00:14:16,522
Because this is all about feelin' proud
254
00:14:16,547 --> 00:14:18,680
and livin' out loud!
255
00:14:25,331 --> 00:14:27,031
♪ I don't know how ♪
256
00:14:27,056 --> 00:14:28,656
♪ I don't know why ♪
257
00:14:28,824 --> 00:14:30,690
♪ But I like ladies ♪
258
00:14:30,719 --> 00:14:31,951
♪ And I like guys ♪
259
00:14:32,123 --> 00:14:34,056
♪ I realize ♪
260
00:14:34,081 --> 00:14:35,414
♪ It's a surprise ♪
261
00:14:35,439 --> 00:14:37,539
♪ But now I see
that that's just me ♪
262
00:14:37,564 --> 00:14:39,798
♪ It's not like I even try ♪
263
00:14:39,823 --> 00:14:43,057
♪ So if you ask me how I do it ♪
264
00:14:43,082 --> 00:14:45,149
♪ Here is my reply ♪
265
00:14:45,174 --> 00:14:47,441
♪ I'm g-g-g-g-gettin' bi ♪
266
00:14:47,486 --> 00:14:49,553
♪ I'm gettin' bi ♪
267
00:14:49,654 --> 00:14:52,555
♪ I'm lettin' my bi flag fly ♪
268
00:14:52,623 --> 00:14:54,223
♪ Not gonna hide it ♪
269
00:14:54,248 --> 00:14:56,081
♪ Not gonna lie ♪
270
00:14:56,106 --> 00:14:57,806
♪ I'm a bi kinda guy ♪
271
00:14:57,831 --> 00:15:00,098
♪ There's no reason to be shy ♪
272
00:15:00,123 --> 00:15:01,322
♪ My, oh, my ♪
273
00:15:01,516 --> 00:15:03,315
♪ It's a fact I can't deny ♪
274
00:15:03,384 --> 00:15:04,817
♪ I'm bi, bi, bi ♪
275
00:15:04,886 --> 00:15:06,485
♪ Until the day I die ♪
276
00:15:08,990 --> 00:15:10,756
♪ Now, some may say ♪
277
00:15:10,869 --> 00:15:13,503
♪ Aw, you're just gay ♪
278
00:15:13,528 --> 00:15:15,094
♪ Why don't you just go gay ♪
279
00:15:15,119 --> 00:15:16,686
♪ All the way? ♪
280
00:15:16,711 --> 00:15:18,044
♪ But that's not it ♪
281
00:15:18,069 --> 00:15:19,542
♪ 'Cause bi's legit ♪
282
00:15:19,567 --> 00:15:21,734
♪ Whether you're a he or a she ♪
283
00:15:21,802 --> 00:15:23,769
♪ We might be a perfect fit ♪
284
00:15:23,838 --> 00:15:26,539
♪ So if you ask me how I do it ♪
285
00:15:26,607 --> 00:15:28,541
♪ I'm feelin' peppy ♪
286
00:15:28,609 --> 00:15:29,808
♪ Sprightly, spry ♪
287
00:15:29,877 --> 00:15:31,398
♪ I'm g-g-g-g-gettin' bi ♪
288
00:15:31,423 --> 00:15:34,490
♪ I'm gettin' bi ♪
289
00:15:34,515 --> 00:15:36,937
♪ I'm gettin' bi, I'm gettin' bi ♪
290
00:15:36,962 --> 00:15:39,229
♪ It doesn't take an intellectual ♪
291
00:15:39,254 --> 00:15:41,430
♪ To get that I'm bisexual. ♪
292
00:15:41,455 --> 00:15:43,389
♪ ♪
293
00:15:50,474 --> 00:15:52,942
Yeah!
294
00:15:53,541 --> 00:15:55,641
Whoo!
295
00:15:58,096 --> 00:16:00,429
Love you!
296
00:16:04,970 --> 00:16:06,603
Okay, we'll be right back
297
00:16:06,628 --> 00:16:09,563
soon as we clean up the confetti again.
298
00:16:09,588 --> 00:16:10,999
If anyone wants to
actually help me this time,
299
00:16:11,024 --> 00:16:12,423
that'd be great.
300
00:16:12,506 --> 00:16:13,840
- Yeah, we'll help you.
- Thank you so much. Thank you so...
301
00:16:13,865 --> 00:16:14,865
- There you go.
- Okay.
302
00:16:15,233 --> 00:16:16,436
Oh, my God, you need one more more.
303
00:16:16,461 --> 00:16:17,785
- Okay.
- You'll be great.
304
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:18,793
Take care of yourself. Rachel.
305
00:16:18,818 --> 00:16:20,476
Good luck. You're a star.
306
00:16:20,501 --> 00:16:21,967
Thank you so much.
307
00:16:26,438 --> 00:16:28,438
Itchy Cat, can you help me sweep?
308
00:16:28,463 --> 00:16:29,829
Please?
309
00:16:30,037 --> 00:16:32,170
Itchy Cat?
310
00:16:32,195 --> 00:16:35,263
Let's sweep together. Come on.
311
00:16:35,312 --> 00:16:36,845
Yeah, just sweep it there.
312
00:16:36,870 --> 00:16:39,237
Thank you so much.
313
00:16:39,262 --> 00:16:42,116
You know, maybe I judged
yeast infections all wrong.
314
00:16:43,364 --> 00:16:44,677
Thank you so much.
315
00:16:46,419 --> 00:16:48,085
This is a metaphor for something,
316
00:16:48,110 --> 00:16:49,317
but I don't know what.
317
00:16:59,952 --> 00:17:01,452
Oh.
318
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:02,753
Hello. I...
319
00:17:02,778 --> 00:17:04,544
I totally saw you there.
320
00:17:04,569 --> 00:17:06,102
You know...
321
00:17:06,215 --> 00:17:09,616
when people think of
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend,
322
00:17:09,762 --> 00:17:11,762
one word comes to mind.
323
00:17:11,787 --> 00:17:13,553
I'm talking about...
324
00:17:13,622 --> 00:17:14,622
"sex."
325
00:17:14,647 --> 00:17:16,514
Ooh!
326
00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:18,702
Did you all just collectively shudder
327
00:17:18,727 --> 00:17:20,160
at that nasty word?
328
00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:22,395
That's right, "sex."
329
00:17:22,614 --> 00:17:24,213
"Doin' it."
330
00:17:24,879 --> 00:17:26,541
"A special hug."
331
00:17:29,130 --> 00:17:31,571
"Half past hump o'clock."
332
00:17:31,957 --> 00:17:35,125
And so we here at Crazy
Sex-Girlfriend... ha!
333
00:17:37,088 --> 00:17:39,289
We've prepared for you a little...
334
00:17:39,358 --> 00:17:40,958
sex medley.
335
00:17:49,691 --> 00:17:50,824
Uh!
336
00:17:52,916 --> 00:17:55,016
♪ It's the sexy
gettin' medley song ♪
337
00:17:56,332 --> 00:17:58,265
♪ The sexy gettin' medley song ♪
338
00:17:58,290 --> 00:17:59,290
♪ Ooh ♪
339
00:17:59,337 --> 00:18:00,665
♪ Primpin' and pluckin' ♪
340
00:18:00,690 --> 00:18:02,223
♪ Brushin' and rubbin' ♪
341
00:18:02,379 --> 00:18:04,179
♪ The sexy gettin' medley song ♪
342
00:18:06,029 --> 00:18:08,363
♪ First I make ♪
343
00:18:08,432 --> 00:18:10,231
♪ Everything shiny and smooth ♪
344
00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:11,355
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
345
00:18:11,380 --> 00:18:14,047
♪ 'Cause I want my body ♪
346
00:18:14,248 --> 00:18:16,415
♪ To be so soft for you ♪
347
00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:18,039
♪ Bye-bye, skin ♪
348
00:18:18,108 --> 00:18:20,408
♪ I'm gonna make this night ♪
349
00:18:20,477 --> 00:18:22,777
♪ One you'll never forget, ah ♪
350
00:18:22,846 --> 00:18:24,446
♪ Ass blood ♪
♪ 'Cause, boy ♪
351
00:18:24,514 --> 00:18:26,247
♪ I know you like ♪
352
00:18:26,316 --> 00:18:30,051
♪ An hourglass silhoue... ♪
353
00:18:30,076 --> 00:18:31,142
♪ Ette ♪
354
00:18:31,664 --> 00:18:33,532
Ooh, what's happening with my...
355
00:18:42,432 --> 00:18:45,033
♪ We should definitely
not have sex right now ♪
356
00:18:45,101 --> 00:18:47,802
♪ We should definitely
not have sex right now ♪
357
00:18:47,871 --> 00:18:51,806
♪ It would complicate
the situation ♪
358
00:18:51,875 --> 00:18:53,541
- Ooh.
- ♪ It's the adult thing ♪
359
00:18:53,610 --> 00:18:55,310
♪ To not have sex right now ♪
360
00:18:55,422 --> 00:18:57,756
♪ We have the common sense
not to have sex right now ♪
361
00:18:57,781 --> 00:18:59,514
♪ I need time to reflect ♪
362
00:18:59,539 --> 00:19:01,940
♪ And I'm in a really weird place ♪
363
00:19:05,708 --> 00:19:07,108
But you know what?
364
00:19:07,557 --> 00:19:08,556
Screw it.
365
00:19:17,325 --> 00:19:18,958
♪ Strip away my conscience ♪
366
00:19:19,352 --> 00:19:21,218
♪ Peel away my values ♪
367
00:19:21,471 --> 00:19:24,739
♪ Rip off my compassion
with your teeth ♪
368
00:19:24,808 --> 00:19:26,908
♪ Pound away my morals ♪
369
00:19:26,977 --> 00:19:28,743
♪ Spank off all my kindness, ooh! ♪
370
00:19:28,812 --> 00:19:31,913
♪ Expose the dormant
bitch that lies beneath ♪
371
00:19:41,105 --> 00:19:42,838
Michael, what are you doing?
372
00:19:42,922 --> 00:19:44,822
It's a sex medley,
373
00:19:44,900 --> 00:19:48,535
so I'm dancing with my
sexy electric toothbrushes.
374
00:19:51,684 --> 00:19:53,812
What are... what are you...
375
00:19:53,837 --> 00:19:55,603
what... what are you...
376
00:19:55,628 --> 00:19:58,195
hey, what are you talking about?
377
00:19:58,220 --> 00:20:00,921
That's what that song
I sang was about, right?
378
00:20:00,982 --> 00:20:04,417
Electric toothbrushes being so, so sexy.
379
00:20:06,049 --> 00:20:07,382
No.
380
00:20:07,407 --> 00:20:08,840
Michael...
381
00:20:08,865 --> 00:20:10,097
Oh, yeah.
382
00:20:10,296 --> 00:20:12,597
- Michael...
- ♪ Buzzy, buzzy, buzzy, buzzy ♪
383
00:20:12,622 --> 00:20:14,055
♪ Buzzy, buzzy. ♪
384
00:20:14,124 --> 00:20:17,158
Michael, no, that song
was about pleasing a woman.
385
00:20:17,183 --> 00:20:18,816
What's a woman?
386
00:20:20,806 --> 00:20:21,806
♪ You devil ♪
387
00:20:21,831 --> 00:20:23,264
♪ Lead me to the dark side ♪
388
00:20:23,289 --> 00:20:25,623
♪ Like a lamb to the slaughter ♪
389
00:20:25,648 --> 00:20:27,114
♪ Then do me in a hot tub ♪
390
00:20:27,139 --> 00:20:28,924
♪ Filled with evil 'stead of water ♪
391
00:20:28,949 --> 00:20:30,916
♪ Let's make war, not love ♪
392
00:20:30,941 --> 00:20:32,840
♪ All night and day ♪
393
00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:35,566
♪ It's hot here in hell, so... ♪
394
00:20:35,912 --> 00:20:38,279
Oh. Uh-oh. Something just happened.
395
00:20:41,914 --> 00:20:43,247
Ah, this, uh...
396
00:20:43,464 --> 00:20:45,764
Oh, boy. This might not
be the right time to...
397
00:20:45,789 --> 00:20:47,608
do this medley.
398
00:20:47,743 --> 00:20:49,510
Unless you want to have...
399
00:20:56,666 --> 00:20:58,420
♪ Period sex ♪
400
00:20:58,445 --> 00:20:59,878
♪ Period sex ♪
401
00:20:59,903 --> 00:21:01,436
♪ Put down a towel ♪
402
00:21:01,461 --> 00:21:02,961
♪ Party till it's dry ♪
403
00:21:03,039 --> 00:21:04,439
♪ With some period sex ♪
404
00:21:04,507 --> 00:21:06,140
♪ Period sex ♪
405
00:21:06,209 --> 00:21:09,098
♪ It's a little gross but I'm
less likely to get pregnant ♪
406
00:21:09,123 --> 00:21:12,824
♪ During period sex, period sex ♪
407
00:21:12,849 --> 00:21:16,584
♪ Think of it as just Mother
Nature's juice cleanse ♪
408
00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:18,842
♪ Period sex, period sex ♪
409
00:21:18,955 --> 00:21:20,688
♪ Period sex ♪
410
00:21:20,757 --> 00:21:23,224
♪ Sex, sex, sex, sex.
411
00:21:23,293 --> 00:21:24,726
Get off! Get off the stage.
412
00:21:24,794 --> 00:21:25,927
Come on.
413
00:21:25,996 --> 00:21:27,862
Get off!
414
00:21:27,887 --> 00:21:29,908
This is Scott's time now.
415
00:21:29,933 --> 00:21:31,332
Okay.
416
00:21:31,488 --> 00:21:34,155
Speaking of getting off...
417
00:21:36,172 --> 00:21:39,718
♪ Unfortunately, I want to
have period sex with you ♪
418
00:21:39,787 --> 00:21:41,486
Okay.
419
00:21:41,511 --> 00:21:43,478
♪ I don't know what happened ♪
420
00:21:43,503 --> 00:21:46,362
♪ Maybe you lost some water weight ♪
421
00:21:48,507 --> 00:21:52,998
♪ For some reason, you're now
on the top of my to-do list ♪
422
00:21:53,023 --> 00:21:54,956
♪ Let's get this over with ♪
423
00:21:56,403 --> 00:21:58,937
♪ So I can focus on other tasks ♪
424
00:21:58,962 --> 00:22:01,729
♪ Let's have intercourse ♪
425
00:22:03,099 --> 00:22:05,433
♪ Just pretend I'm seducing you ♪
426
00:22:05,458 --> 00:22:07,436
Hey, actually, can we not
do this big lift coming up?
427
00:22:07,461 --> 00:22:09,160
Oh, my God, my back hurts so bad.
428
00:22:09,185 --> 00:22:11,218
- Good. It's just, I don't
like it, either. - Okay.
429
00:22:11,243 --> 00:22:14,878
♪ Come on, let's quickly
have intercourse ♪
430
00:22:14,903 --> 00:22:16,836
♪ So I can move on ♪
431
00:22:17,124 --> 00:22:19,124
♪ With my life ♪
432
00:22:19,149 --> 00:22:21,082
Turn around. Let's see the butt. Nice.
433
00:22:21,151 --> 00:22:22,428
Yup. I know. That's what you want.
434
00:22:22,452 --> 00:22:23,785
♪ My busy life ♪
435
00:22:24,888 --> 00:22:26,988
♪ You and I ♪
436
00:22:27,013 --> 00:22:30,214
♪ Are both highly
intelligent people ♪
437
00:22:30,326 --> 00:22:31,926
Oh, that's nice.
438
00:22:31,995 --> 00:22:33,428
- ♪ Although I'm ♪
- Oh. Oh!
439
00:22:33,496 --> 00:22:35,129
♪ In much better physical shape ♪
440
00:22:37,434 --> 00:22:39,400
♪ And once we do it it'll be like ♪
441
00:22:39,425 --> 00:22:41,759
♪ Well, that's what that was like ♪
442
00:22:41,784 --> 00:22:45,586
♪ And then you'll
hopefully go back ♪
443
00:22:45,742 --> 00:22:47,241
♪ To seeming weird to me ♪
444
00:22:47,310 --> 00:22:49,010
♪ But right now, let's
have intercourse ♪
445
00:22:49,123 --> 00:22:50,889
Ow, Scott.
446
00:22:50,914 --> 00:22:53,748
♪ I mean, obviously
you want to, too ♪
447
00:22:53,773 --> 00:22:57,239
♪ Just super quickly
have intercourse ♪
448
00:22:57,264 --> 00:23:04,269
♪ Good thing I happen to have
an old condom in my wallet. ♪
449
00:23:09,976 --> 00:23:11,242
You know what?
450
00:23:12,011 --> 00:23:13,637
It's a good thing you
have that condom, Scott,
451
00:23:13,662 --> 00:23:15,613
even though it is way too big for you.
452
00:23:17,684 --> 00:23:19,017
Because even though
453
00:23:19,042 --> 00:23:20,950
I am on my period, I
can still get pregnant,
454
00:23:20,975 --> 00:23:22,787
because... PSA and fun fact...
455
00:23:22,812 --> 00:23:25,346
Sperm can live in the
uterus for up to five days.
456
00:23:25,371 --> 00:23:27,538
- Did somebody say "sperm"?
- Oh, no.
457
00:23:28,832 --> 00:23:30,499
♪ Uh-huh ♪
458
00:23:30,653 --> 00:23:32,754
♪ My sperm is healthy ♪
459
00:23:32,779 --> 00:23:34,446
♪ My sperm is healthy ♪
460
00:23:34,471 --> 00:23:36,338
Yeah, yeah. ♪ My sperm is healthy ♪
461
00:23:36,363 --> 00:23:38,896
♪ My sperm is healthy! ♪
462
00:23:38,921 --> 00:23:40,561
That's also another song from the show.
463
00:23:40,586 --> 00:23:41,862
Yeah.
464
00:23:42,490 --> 00:23:44,290
Cool. We'll be right back.
465
00:23:44,315 --> 00:23:46,782
♪ ♪
466
00:23:46,807 --> 00:23:48,389
Oh. Oh!
467
00:23:48,525 --> 00:23:50,359
Oh, they're trying to get me pregnant.
468
00:23:50,721 --> 00:23:52,221
They don't know how it works.
469
00:23:52,246 --> 00:23:54,180
Okay.
470
00:23:54,205 --> 00:23:57,507
Okay, I think this is
actually a money shot.
471
00:23:57,532 --> 00:23:58,795
I don't...
472
00:24:03,162 --> 00:24:04,928
No, get off me!
473
00:24:04,953 --> 00:24:06,886
♪ ♪
474
00:24:11,054 --> 00:24:12,420
Get off!
475
00:24:20,944 --> 00:24:24,355
Welcome back from commercial, everyone.
476
00:24:24,380 --> 00:24:26,240
You guys, you guys,
477
00:24:26,265 --> 00:24:30,988
we all know the most important
part of yoga is the instructor.
478
00:24:31,417 --> 00:24:33,717
So let us take it back
479
00:24:33,742 --> 00:24:36,109
to season one Valencia, bitches.
480
00:24:39,576 --> 00:24:42,607
♪ We're in a yoga class ♪
481
00:24:42,632 --> 00:24:46,133
♪ Now is the time to
let your mind go blank ♪
482
00:24:46,202 --> 00:24:48,135
♪ And focus instead ♪
483
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:53,818
♪ On how awesome
the yoga teacher is ♪
484
00:24:56,546 --> 00:24:58,712
♪ Look at me, look at me ♪
485
00:24:58,781 --> 00:25:00,981
♪ I'm so good at yo-o-o-oga ♪
486
00:25:01,050 --> 00:25:03,150
♪ Look at me, look at me ♪
487
00:25:03,175 --> 00:25:05,809
♪ I'm so good at yo-o-o-oga ♪
488
00:25:05,922 --> 00:25:07,855
Exhale on another sigh.
489
00:25:07,924 --> 00:25:10,024
Rachel Bloom sucks.
490
00:25:10,092 --> 00:25:12,059
♪ I do stuff with my body ♪
491
00:25:12,128 --> 00:25:14,361
♪ That no human
should be able to do ♪
492
00:25:14,430 --> 00:25:17,031
♪ Like putting my
face behind my knees ♪
493
00:25:17,099 --> 00:25:19,287
♪ Turning my hands into a shoe ♪
494
00:25:19,312 --> 00:25:21,412
♪ As the morning sun
kisses the lotus ♪
495
00:25:21,437 --> 00:25:24,092
♪ I kiss my own hoo-ha,
can you do that? ♪
496
00:25:24,117 --> 00:25:26,117
♪ Greet each day, namaste ♪
497
00:25:26,142 --> 00:25:28,609
♪ Screw you, you're fat! ♪
498
00:25:28,634 --> 00:25:30,688
♪ Look at me, look at me ♪
499
00:25:30,713 --> 00:25:32,833
♪ I'm so good at yo-o-o-oga ♪
500
00:25:32,858 --> 00:25:35,192
♪ Look at me, look at me ♪
501
00:25:35,217 --> 00:25:37,718
♪ I'm so good at yo-o-o-oga ♪
502
00:25:37,787 --> 00:25:40,542
♪ Look at her, look at her ♪
503
00:25:40,567 --> 00:25:42,233
Ah. Ah.
504
00:25:42,258 --> 00:25:44,078
♪ Look at her, look at her ♪
505
00:25:44,103 --> 00:25:45,836
♪ I'm so much better than you ♪
506
00:25:45,861 --> 00:25:47,172
♪ Nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah, nyah, nyah ♪
507
00:25:47,196 --> 00:25:48,662
♪ Nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah, nyah, nyah ♪
508
00:25:48,731 --> 00:25:50,208
♪ Nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah,
nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah, nyah ♪
509
00:25:50,232 --> 00:25:51,832
- Om!
- ♪ Nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah, nyah, nyah ♪
510
00:25:51,857 --> 00:25:53,568
♪ Nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah,
nyah, nyah, nyah-nyah ♪
511
00:25:53,636 --> 00:25:54,568
- ♪ Nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah, nyah
- ♪ I'm so good at yo-o-o-oga ♪
512
00:25:54,637 --> 00:25:55,836
- ♪ Nyah-nyah, nyah ♪
- Om!
513
00:25:55,905 --> 00:25:57,149
♪ Nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah, nyah, nyah ♪
514
00:25:57,173 --> 00:25:58,417
♪ Nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah, nyah, nyah ♪
515
00:25:58,441 --> 00:25:59,484
♪ Nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah ♪
516
00:25:59,508 --> 00:26:01,542
- ♪ Nyah-nyah, nyah. ♪
- Om!
517
00:26:22,510 --> 00:26:24,065
You know, um,
518
00:26:24,644 --> 00:26:26,644
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend...
We have a lot of fun,
519
00:26:26,669 --> 00:26:30,437
but really, it is, at its
heart, an earnest tribute
520
00:26:30,709 --> 00:26:33,484
to the art of musical theater.
521
00:26:39,515 --> 00:26:41,251
From Gilbert and Sullivan
522
00:26:41,965 --> 00:26:43,684
to Hamilton.
523
00:26:44,496 --> 00:26:46,920
We've done neither of those genres.
524
00:26:51,103 --> 00:26:52,903
So when we sat around and we thought,
525
00:26:52,928 --> 00:26:54,128
let's do an actual,
526
00:26:54,196 --> 00:26:56,986
inspirational musical theater song,
527
00:26:57,011 --> 00:26:59,366
we could think of no one
better to do it justice
528
00:26:59,729 --> 00:27:01,612
than Miss Vella Lovell.
529
00:27:03,850 --> 00:27:05,950
No. Yeah.
530
00:27:06,484 --> 00:27:08,552
So, no. So, Rachel,
531
00:27:08,577 --> 00:27:11,242
I'm actually not a musical
theater person at all.
532
00:27:11,267 --> 00:27:12,556
Um, actually, singing and dancing
533
00:27:12,581 --> 00:27:14,426
makes me V uncomfortable, so...
534
00:27:14,450 --> 00:27:16,383
Oh, okay, Adam.
535
00:27:16,496 --> 00:27:18,229
Uh, guess you could just force me
536
00:27:18,298 --> 00:27:20,231
to sing a song that I don't want to...
537
00:27:20,256 --> 00:27:22,690
♪ What does the future hold? ♪
538
00:27:23,353 --> 00:27:24,935
♪ What will tomorrow... ♪
539
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:26,260
No. ♪ Bring me... ♪
540
00:27:26,328 --> 00:27:27,394
Don't... Dave...
541
00:27:27,463 --> 00:27:28,729
♪ Will be told... ♪
542
00:27:28,798 --> 00:27:30,224
Please don't dance... okay.
543
00:27:30,249 --> 00:27:32,016
♪ What song is gonna sing me ♪
544
00:27:32,129 --> 00:27:34,099
- I'm gonna do it.
- No... okay.
545
00:27:34,124 --> 00:27:37,225
♪ This is my time to shine,
step out of the line ♪
546
00:27:37,250 --> 00:27:40,663
♪ Throw open all the windows ♪ Wow.
547
00:27:40,688 --> 00:27:43,798
♪ Might be an uphill climb,
but I just got to find ♪
548
00:27:43,823 --> 00:27:45,389
♪ What's at the end... ♪
549
00:27:45,501 --> 00:27:46,567
- What... ?
- Say it.
550
00:27:46,592 --> 00:27:47,770
- No, no, I don't...
- Say "rainbow."
551
00:27:47,794 --> 00:27:49,360
- ♪ Of this rainbow... ♪
- Yeah!
552
00:27:49,429 --> 00:27:52,884
♪ 'Cause the clock
just keeps on ticking ♪
553
00:27:52,909 --> 00:27:55,443
♪ It doesn't care
that time goes by... ♪
554
00:27:55,468 --> 00:27:57,134
You're just following me, okay.
555
00:27:57,159 --> 00:27:59,705
♪ The clock knows its destiny ♪
556
00:27:59,730 --> 00:28:01,897
♪ So why don't I? ♪
557
00:28:01,922 --> 00:28:03,455
Where'd you learn this dance?
558
00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:06,187
♪ 'Cause today's
tomorrow's yesterday ♪
559
00:28:06,212 --> 00:28:07,645
♪ Can't let the future slip... ♪
560
00:28:07,670 --> 00:28:09,870
You're psychotic.
561
00:28:09,895 --> 00:28:14,131
♪ Can't wait to meet
whoever I will be... ♪
562
00:28:14,156 --> 00:28:15,755
What was that?
563
00:28:15,780 --> 00:28:18,582
♪ 'Cause I am the moment ♪
564
00:28:18,975 --> 00:28:21,875
♪ The moment is me ♪
565
00:28:22,195 --> 00:28:25,496
♪ David is the moment ♪
566
00:28:25,521 --> 00:28:28,188
David is not the moment.
This is literally my moment,
567
00:28:28,213 --> 00:28:29,487
it's the title of the song.
568
00:28:29,512 --> 00:28:30,778
Wow.
569
00:28:30,853 --> 00:28:34,955
Wow, look who cares a
very lot all of a sudden.
570
00:28:37,210 --> 00:28:40,370
♪ The moment is ♪
571
00:28:41,358 --> 00:28:42,890
♪ We. ♪
572
00:28:49,051 --> 00:28:50,250
- Thank you!
- Okay.
573
00:28:50,275 --> 00:28:51,874
David Hull, everyone.
574
00:28:52,043 --> 00:28:54,443
David Hull, ladies and gentlemen.
575
00:28:54,468 --> 00:28:56,668
Thank you!
576
00:28:58,519 --> 00:29:01,203
David Hull, everyone!
577
00:29:01,607 --> 00:29:03,407
Oh, Lord.
578
00:29:11,035 --> 00:29:13,235
So,
579
00:29:13,260 --> 00:29:14,570
I think one of the
most gratifying things
580
00:29:14,595 --> 00:29:16,355
about doing this show
is having people tell us,
581
00:29:16,380 --> 00:29:19,618
um, that-that sometimes,
they see things in the show
582
00:29:19,643 --> 00:29:22,578
or hear songs that make them
feel, uh, a little less alone.
583
00:29:22,603 --> 00:29:24,370
Um, but what you might not know is,
584
00:29:24,395 --> 00:29:27,226
it's kind of the same
thing for the songwriters
585
00:29:27,251 --> 00:29:28,540
and-and the writers, too.
586
00:29:28,565 --> 00:29:30,651
There are certain songs you write, uh,
587
00:29:30,676 --> 00:29:33,232
and lyrics that you write or
pieces of dialogue you write
588
00:29:33,257 --> 00:29:35,958
that you're like, "Ugh, am I
the only one who's felt this?
589
00:29:35,983 --> 00:29:38,488
Am I, like, the weirdo? Is
this gonna go over well?"
590
00:29:38,513 --> 00:29:41,781
And so just know when you
say that you feel less alone,
591
00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:44,427
you make us feel less alone.
592
00:29:44,452 --> 00:29:46,385
Really.
593
00:29:54,044 --> 00:29:59,314
♪ In my life, I've had so many men ♪
594
00:29:59,383 --> 00:30:04,887
♪ But there's one I come
back to again and again ♪
595
00:30:04,955 --> 00:30:07,923
♪ We've been on and off ♪
596
00:30:07,948 --> 00:30:11,349
♪ For such a long time ♪
597
00:30:11,818 --> 00:30:13,439
♪ And now he's back ♪
598
00:30:13,464 --> 00:30:17,342
♪ And I'm feeling oh, so fine ♪
599
00:30:17,367 --> 00:30:20,468
♪ He's the darkness ♪
600
00:30:20,613 --> 00:30:23,359
♪ My first love, my true love ♪
601
00:30:23,384 --> 00:30:26,619
♪ The darkness ♪
602
00:30:26,644 --> 00:30:30,090
♪ He knows me better than anyone ♪
603
00:30:30,115 --> 00:30:32,482
♪ He holds me close
and whispers things ♪
604
00:30:32,507 --> 00:30:35,007
♪ That I don't want to hear ♪
605
00:30:35,315 --> 00:30:37,248
♪ When I feel the
butterflies of dread ♪
606
00:30:37,273 --> 00:30:40,508
♪ I know the darkness is near ♪
607
00:30:45,232 --> 00:30:47,296
♪ Well, Rebecca ♪
608
00:30:47,321 --> 00:30:49,255
♪ You've done it now... ♪
609
00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:51,180
Yeah, you guys know this one.
610
00:30:51,681 --> 00:30:57,183
♪ Karma's come to tap
you on the shoulder ♪
611
00:30:57,208 --> 00:31:00,790
♪ All that lying
that's been festering ♪
612
00:31:01,045 --> 00:31:03,934
♪ Plus breaking and entering ♪
613
00:31:04,060 --> 00:31:09,130
♪ Is coming now to crush
you like a boulder ♪
614
00:31:09,155 --> 00:31:13,091
♪ You ruined everything ♪
615
00:31:13,146 --> 00:31:16,646
♪ You stupid bitch ♪
616
00:31:16,671 --> 00:31:19,939
♪ You ruined everything ♪
617
00:31:19,964 --> 00:31:22,731
♪ You stupid, stupid bitch ♪
618
00:31:22,756 --> 00:31:26,691
♪ You're just a lying little
bitch who ruins things ♪
619
00:31:26,716 --> 00:31:30,131
♪ And wants the world to burn ♪
620
00:31:30,156 --> 00:31:31,589
♪ Bitch ♪
621
00:31:31,614 --> 00:31:34,715
♪ You're a stupid bitch ♪
622
00:31:35,145 --> 00:31:38,790
♪ And lose some weight ♪
623
00:31:41,551 --> 00:31:45,220
♪ You ruined everything ♪
624
00:31:45,245 --> 00:31:46,686
♪ You stupid bitch ♪
625
00:31:46,711 --> 00:31:48,210
Sing with me!
626
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:51,735
♪ You ruined everything ♪
627
00:31:51,760 --> 00:31:53,996
♪ You stupid, stupid bitch ♪
628
00:31:54,021 --> 00:31:56,008
Yes, I deserve this!
629
00:31:56,033 --> 00:31:58,764
♪ You're just a poopy little slut ♪
630
00:31:58,789 --> 00:32:03,249
♪ Who doesn't think and
deceives the people she loves ♪
631
00:32:03,274 --> 00:32:06,341
♪ Now he knows I'm not
some innocent lamb ♪
632
00:32:06,366 --> 00:32:09,176
♪ He sees me for what I am ♪
633
00:32:09,201 --> 00:32:11,690
♪ Which is a horrible, stupid ♪
634
00:32:11,715 --> 00:32:13,348
♪ Dumb and ugly ♪
635
00:32:13,373 --> 00:32:14,973
♪ Fat and stupid ♪
636
00:32:14,998 --> 00:32:17,709
♪ Simple, self-hating ♪
637
00:32:19,690 --> 00:32:24,826
♪ Bi... ♪
638
00:32:24,851 --> 00:32:29,909
♪ Bitch... ! ♪
639
00:32:43,826 --> 00:32:47,528
♪ I've got my head in the clouds ♪
640
00:32:48,372 --> 00:32:50,996
♪ 'Cause that's where heaven is ♪
641
00:32:51,021 --> 00:32:55,357
♪ No longer stuck in
the muck on the ground ♪
642
00:32:55,426 --> 00:32:57,859
♪ I figured out how to live ♪
643
00:32:57,884 --> 00:33:01,685
♪ It's with my head in the clouds ♪
644
00:33:02,028 --> 00:33:04,696
♪ Got no cares anymore ♪
645
00:33:04,721 --> 00:33:09,463
♪ No obligations
are holding me down ♪
646
00:33:09,488 --> 00:33:11,722
♪ That's what religion is for ♪
647
00:33:11,747 --> 00:33:14,052
♪ ♪
648
00:33:14,467 --> 00:33:16,134
♪ My puzzle is solved ♪
649
00:33:16,275 --> 00:33:17,874
♪ 'Cause I'm absolved ♪
650
00:33:17,899 --> 00:33:21,734
♪ My life will be splendid
now that I've transcended ♪
651
00:33:21,759 --> 00:33:24,893
♪ When things get scary,
just say ten Hail Marys ♪
652
00:33:24,918 --> 00:33:28,305
♪ I'm Turin off my shroud ♪
653
00:33:36,603 --> 00:33:37,869
Angry!
654
00:33:39,036 --> 00:33:41,003
Feeling bad!
655
00:33:42,519 --> 00:33:43,919
Why do I feel this way?
656
00:33:43,944 --> 00:33:46,144
Angry! Mad!
657
00:33:46,169 --> 00:33:47,769
My heart is hurting!
658
00:33:47,794 --> 00:33:50,060
And it feels... bad!
659
00:33:50,085 --> 00:33:52,018
♪ ♪
660
00:34:03,237 --> 00:34:04,636
Bad!
661
00:34:26,684 --> 00:34:29,985
♪ The smell of the water,
kids screaming with joy ♪
662
00:34:30,010 --> 00:34:33,629
♪ I've hated crap like
that since I was a boy ♪
663
00:34:33,654 --> 00:34:36,589
♪ While everyone was laughing
and having so much fun ♪
664
00:34:36,722 --> 00:34:40,327
♪ I would mutter "This
sucks" till the day was done ♪
665
00:34:40,352 --> 00:34:43,487
♪ I detested most
stuff and I still do ♪
666
00:34:43,512 --> 00:34:48,809
♪ You see, I hate
everything but you ♪
667
00:34:49,431 --> 00:34:52,332
♪ ♪
668
00:34:52,456 --> 00:34:56,358
♪ I hate the feeling of the
sun when it hits my skin ♪
669
00:34:56,383 --> 00:34:59,517
♪ I don't like bands that
have a guy on mandolin ♪
670
00:34:59,542 --> 00:35:01,542
♪ I hate when people post pictures ♪
671
00:35:01,567 --> 00:35:03,233
♪ With the hashtag "mood" ♪
672
00:35:03,258 --> 00:35:06,325
♪ I hate when people call
blueberries a superfood ♪
673
00:35:06,350 --> 00:35:09,685
♪ I hate when people say,
"Ooh, it's magic hour" ♪
674
00:35:09,710 --> 00:35:13,044
♪ Or when people actually
stop and smell a flower ♪
675
00:35:13,069 --> 00:35:16,106
♪ I hate white women who
call their engagement rings ♪
676
00:35:16,131 --> 00:35:17,798
♪ "Bling," oh, yes ♪
677
00:35:17,823 --> 00:35:23,627
♪ I hate everything but you ♪
678
00:35:23,723 --> 00:35:25,890
♪ I hate the phrase
"Love conquers all" ♪
679
00:35:26,022 --> 00:35:27,933
♪ And I hate that it's true ♪
680
00:35:27,958 --> 00:35:30,825
♪ 'Cause I want to not hate
things when I'm with you ♪
681
00:35:30,850 --> 00:35:34,385
♪ You love so many things
and you have so much fun ♪
682
00:35:34,410 --> 00:35:39,600
♪ It makes me wish my
hating days were done... ♪
683
00:35:39,625 --> 00:35:42,225
♪ And there's one thing ♪
684
00:35:42,276 --> 00:35:44,510
♪ I want you to know ♪
685
00:35:44,535 --> 00:35:46,469
♪ ♪
686
00:35:46,494 --> 00:35:48,428
♪ I'll always ♪
687
00:35:48,453 --> 00:35:52,537
♪ Hate guys who name their cars. ♪
688
00:36:03,438 --> 00:36:06,139
Ah. Ugh, no.
689
00:36:06,256 --> 00:36:08,089
I hear you, Skylar, I
mean, t-this show sucks.
690
00:36:08,114 --> 00:36:09,213
I-I get it, Skylar.
691
00:36:09,238 --> 00:36:11,340
Oh, thanks, randomly
overdressed crew guy.
692
00:36:11,365 --> 00:36:12,798
I appreciate it. No, I...
693
00:36:12,823 --> 00:36:15,323
Actually, I'm actually a-a
recurring character on the show.
694
00:36:15,348 --> 00:36:18,116
Oh, yes, right. Uh-uh, Dennis.
695
00:36:18,141 --> 00:36:20,742
No, it's Danny, actually,
that is my... name.
696
00:36:20,767 --> 00:36:22,700
Uh... you know...
697
00:36:23,261 --> 00:36:25,066
No, 'cause I-I got to tell you,
698
00:36:25,091 --> 00:36:26,735
this show's been a little
rough on me, all right?
699
00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:28,127
I-I had to hold a board for Vinnie,
700
00:36:28,152 --> 00:36:30,152
which was absolutely
terrifying, and, uh...
701
00:36:30,177 --> 00:36:31,610
No, you know what?
702
00:36:31,635 --> 00:36:32,735
Uh, I-I'm taking over.
703
00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:34,453
Bring out the full orchestra.
704
00:36:36,436 --> 00:36:38,847
Strike my mic stand, Rachel Bloom.
705
00:36:38,872 --> 00:36:41,059
Yes, sir, right away, Mr. Jolles.
706
00:36:41,084 --> 00:36:43,585
I am sorry for the disrespect.
707
00:36:45,263 --> 00:36:47,263
As you gosh-darn should, Rachel.
708
00:36:47,768 --> 00:36:50,402
Give me the coolest lights you guys got.
709
00:36:54,988 --> 00:36:57,276
This is it. It's finally my turn.
710
00:36:59,580 --> 00:37:01,547
♪ It's me ♪
711
00:37:01,572 --> 00:37:03,672
♪ It's finally me ♪
712
00:37:03,697 --> 00:37:07,203
♪ And no one can say a word ♪
713
00:37:07,228 --> 00:37:10,495
♪ 'Cause this time, I
stood up for myself ♪
714
00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:14,663
♪ And I'll finally be heard ♪
715
00:37:14,688 --> 00:37:18,014
♪ Danny won't be ignored ♪
716
00:37:18,039 --> 00:37:20,973
♪ Danny won't be interrupted ♪
717
00:37:20,998 --> 00:37:24,399
♪ Because this time, oh, my God ♪
718
00:37:24,424 --> 00:37:26,939
♪ I finally get to fini... ♪
719
00:37:26,964 --> 00:37:28,763
What? Son of a...
720
00:37:29,276 --> 00:37:30,542
Come on!
721
00:37:50,917 --> 00:37:54,319
♪ For almost 30 years, I've
known something was wrong ♪
722
00:37:54,344 --> 00:37:56,010
♪ But Mom said weakness
causes bloating ♪
723
00:37:56,035 --> 00:37:57,768
♪ So I tried to be strong ♪
724
00:37:57,968 --> 00:37:59,348
♪ Fake it till you make it ♪
725
00:37:59,373 --> 00:38:03,742
♪ That's how I got by ♪
726
00:38:03,785 --> 00:38:05,551
♪ And when I tried
to find the reason ♪
727
00:38:05,620 --> 00:38:07,541
♪ For my sadness and terror ♪
728
00:38:07,566 --> 00:38:10,767
♪ All the solutions
were trial and error ♪
729
00:38:10,835 --> 00:38:13,102
♪ Take this pill, say this chant ♪
730
00:38:13,127 --> 00:38:17,229
♪ Move here for this guy ♪
731
00:38:17,476 --> 00:38:20,109
♪ But now there's
no need for regret ♪
732
00:38:20,134 --> 00:38:23,016
♪ 'Cause I'm about to get ♪
733
00:38:23,041 --> 00:38:26,289
♪ A diagnosis ♪
734
00:38:26,314 --> 00:38:29,675
♪ A diagnosis ♪
735
00:38:29,700 --> 00:38:34,603
♪ Don't tell me "No,
sister, you don't fit in" ♪
736
00:38:36,791 --> 00:38:40,293
♪ Doc, prescribe me my
tribe, give me my throng ♪
737
00:38:40,318 --> 00:38:43,541
♪ Tell me that this
whole time I've belonged ♪
738
00:38:43,566 --> 00:38:46,310
♪ With those other
people who share ♪
739
00:38:46,335 --> 00:38:50,704
♪ My diagnosis ♪
740
00:38:50,729 --> 00:38:53,617
♪ What could it be?
What could be right? ♪
741
00:38:53,642 --> 00:38:56,920
♪ Schizophrenic or bipolar lite? ♪
742
00:38:56,945 --> 00:39:00,847
♪ I've never heard voices,
but maybe it's time to start ♪
743
00:39:00,916 --> 00:39:03,550
- You're super cool, Rachel!
- Thank you so much.
744
00:39:03,575 --> 00:39:06,863
♪ Obsessives with numbers,
hoarders with cats ♪
745
00:39:06,888 --> 00:39:10,223
♪ I could really
rock a tinfoil hat ♪
746
00:39:10,248 --> 00:39:15,585
♪ Perfect they're not, but at
least they know who they are ♪
747
00:39:15,654 --> 00:39:19,677
♪ No more bad pills,
fads or tricks ♪
748
00:39:19,702 --> 00:39:23,948
♪ Who says there
isn't an easy fix? ♪
749
00:39:23,973 --> 00:39:26,684
♪ There kind of is... ♪
750
00:39:45,092 --> 00:39:48,627
♪ From the moment that we
learn to walk and speak ♪
751
00:39:48,652 --> 00:39:51,940
♪ Our parents tell
us everyone's unique ♪
752
00:39:51,965 --> 00:39:55,511
♪ Now, I'm not saying
that advice is bad... ♪
753
00:39:55,536 --> 00:39:56,520
'Cause she wrote it.
754
00:39:56,536 --> 00:39:58,069
♪ But honey, you're not special ♪
755
00:39:58,138 --> 00:39:59,138
♪ 'Cause you're sad ♪
756
00:39:59,206 --> 00:40:00,416
♪ Not special, no, you're not ♪
757
00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:02,307
♪ The butcher, the baker ♪
758
00:40:02,375 --> 00:40:03,896
♪ The grocery clerk ♪
759
00:40:03,921 --> 00:40:07,689
♪ They're all on 20
milligrams or so ♪
760
00:40:07,714 --> 00:40:11,785
♪ The movers, the shakers,
the happy homemakers ♪
761
00:40:11,810 --> 00:40:16,094
♪ You'd be surprised
how many of them know ♪
762
00:40:16,119 --> 00:40:19,554
♪ Anti-depressants
are so not a big deal ♪
763
00:40:19,579 --> 00:40:21,479
♪ Big whoop, you're
on an anti-depressant ♪
764
00:40:21,504 --> 00:40:23,170
♪ Sweet cheeks, here's the deal ♪
765
00:40:23,195 --> 00:40:27,064
♪ Welcome to the club
with open admission ♪
766
00:40:27,089 --> 00:40:30,991
♪ You're cast in the play
that has no audition ♪
767
00:40:31,016 --> 00:40:34,302
♪ Yes, everyone is special,
that's usually the sitch ♪
768
00:40:34,327 --> 00:40:38,382
♪ But when it comes to meds,
you're such a basic bitch... ♪
769
00:40:38,426 --> 00:40:40,359
Watch them tap, y'all, they're fabulous.
770
00:40:52,859 --> 00:40:54,659
♪ Fluoxetine, Fluoxetine ♪
771
00:40:54,684 --> 00:40:56,517
♪ Paroxetine, paroxetine ♪
772
00:40:56,542 --> 00:40:58,443
♪ Our lawyers won't let
us say brand names... ♪
773
00:40:58,468 --> 00:41:00,168
And remember, don't be a lawyer.
774
00:41:00,193 --> 00:41:01,826
♪ Okay ♪
775
00:41:01,851 --> 00:41:05,754
♪ Anti-depressants
are so not a big deal ♪
776
00:41:05,779 --> 00:41:08,446
♪ Big whoop, you're
on an anti-depressant ♪
777
00:41:08,471 --> 00:41:10,304
♪ Yawn, here's the spiel ♪
778
00:41:10,329 --> 00:41:12,295
♪ Some cry that in the
past, we didn't medicate ♪
779
00:41:12,320 --> 00:41:14,320
♪ Everyone... ♪ Hello.
780
00:41:14,345 --> 00:41:16,490
♪ Witch trials and the Crusades
sound like so much fun... ♪
781
00:41:16,515 --> 00:41:19,619
- Come on.
- ♪ Anti-depressants ♪
782
00:41:19,644 --> 00:41:21,581
♪ Are so common ♪
783
00:41:21,606 --> 00:41:25,474
♪ That taking them is
all we have in common. ♪
784
00:41:53,955 --> 00:41:56,645
Thank you, thank you so much,
785
00:41:56,670 --> 00:41:59,313
Thank you to everyone here and
everyone watching this at home.
786
00:41:59,338 --> 00:42:01,358
Thank you for loving
us and singing our songs
787
00:42:01,383 --> 00:42:02,649
to your babies and your pets.
788
00:42:02,674 --> 00:42:04,787
Thank you, and have a good night.
789
00:42:06,536 --> 00:42:11,536
- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
-- for www.MY-SUBS.com --
56554
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