All language subtitles for Brockmire - 03x02 - Player to be Named Later.WEBRip.x264-TBS.English.C.updated.Addic7ed.com

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:21,286 Julia James. I'm here for the meeting. 2 00:00:21,726 --> 00:00:23,168 They're not quite ready for you. 3 00:00:23,264 --> 00:00:24,447 Do you have a bathroom? 4 00:00:24,484 --> 00:00:25,834 I just want to freshen up a bit. 5 00:00:25,926 --> 00:00:29,094 Yeah, right over here. But, girl, you look good. 6 00:00:35,812 --> 00:00:38,047 Shit. 7 00:00:41,958 --> 00:00:43,508 Shit. 8 00:00:49,783 --> 00:00:52,400 They're ready... for you... 9 00:00:52,848 --> 00:00:55,868 Who's the most stylish woman in the office about my size? 10 00:00:56,019 --> 00:00:58,078 - Chantal, why... - I need you to go to Chantal. 11 00:00:58,115 --> 00:00:59,435 Tell her there's a woman in the bathroom 12 00:00:59,471 --> 00:01:01,669 who will give her $200 cash for her top. 13 00:01:01,833 --> 00:01:03,266 Come on! I need your help. 14 00:01:03,343 --> 00:01:05,298 I'm about to go into my tryouts for the big leagues. 15 00:01:05,335 --> 00:01:07,093 If I show up like a girl from Morristown 16 00:01:07,130 --> 00:01:08,471 who got nervous and pitted out, 17 00:01:08,508 --> 00:01:10,240 it's over before I even open my mouth. 18 00:01:10,391 --> 00:01:11,533 Please. 19 00:01:11,684 --> 00:01:13,559 Give her the money. 20 00:01:13,911 --> 00:01:15,320 You don't like what I'm wearing? 21 00:01:15,605 --> 00:01:17,272 I just think we have different taste levels, 22 00:01:17,447 --> 00:01:19,388 but it looks great on you. 23 00:01:20,627 --> 00:01:22,168 Mr. Benjamin, you and I actually 24 00:01:22,205 --> 00:01:23,711 have something in common. 25 00:01:24,046 --> 00:01:26,730 We're both owners, and while Morristown 26 00:01:26,767 --> 00:01:28,741 may be a different market than Tampa Bay, 27 00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:30,204 we face the same problem... 28 00:01:30,295 --> 00:01:32,034 baseball is dying. 29 00:01:33,136 --> 00:01:34,380 You've seen the demographics. 30 00:01:34,430 --> 00:01:37,412 Anyone under the age of 20 would rather watch e-sports 31 00:01:37,761 --> 00:01:39,062 than a baseball game. 32 00:01:39,222 --> 00:01:41,271 But I was able to increase attendance 33 00:01:41,308 --> 00:01:44,840 in Scranton Wilkes-Barre by 60%. How? 34 00:01:45,636 --> 00:01:49,016 'Cause I know there's one inescapable fact about baseball. 35 00:01:50,281 --> 00:01:51,973 It's fun to go see a game. 36 00:01:52,049 --> 00:01:54,283 Maybe boring as shit to watch on TV, 37 00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:55,639 fade into the background on the radio, 38 00:01:55,676 --> 00:01:57,463 but in person... 39 00:01:58,647 --> 00:02:01,321 it's like the goddamn circus came to town. 40 00:02:02,317 --> 00:02:05,110 Except without all the elephant torture. 41 00:02:07,815 --> 00:02:09,031 What's your proposal? 42 00:02:09,116 --> 00:02:11,050 Pick your worst spring training home date, 43 00:02:11,087 --> 00:02:13,270 the one you know right now will be impossible to draw. 44 00:02:13,382 --> 00:02:15,138 Allow me to run a promotion on it. 45 00:02:15,399 --> 00:02:16,973 I guarantee it'll sell out, 46 00:02:17,125 --> 00:02:20,217 because even with the obstacles Tampa Bay faces, 47 00:02:20,923 --> 00:02:23,185 a shrinking fan base, a bad team, 48 00:02:23,222 --> 00:02:24,590 the gator incident of '09... 49 00:02:24,627 --> 00:02:27,469 Hey, that man still swears it was consensual. 50 00:02:29,098 --> 00:02:31,545 I know how to get people to come to a baseball game. 51 00:02:31,986 --> 00:02:33,306 And once I prove it, 52 00:02:33,365 --> 00:02:35,092 you'll want to hire my consulting company, 53 00:02:35,129 --> 00:02:38,244 Julia James Promotions, on some regular season dates. 54 00:02:39,094 --> 00:02:41,428 Wednesday, March 13. 55 00:02:41,655 --> 00:02:43,896 It's a 10:00 a.m. start time due to a rodeo 56 00:02:43,933 --> 00:02:46,077 that's taking place in the parking lot. 57 00:02:46,149 --> 00:02:48,574 So the whole place'll smell like cow shit. 58 00:02:48,810 --> 00:02:50,420 How's that sound to you? 59 00:02:50,562 --> 00:02:52,453 Like perfection. 60 00:02:53,217 --> 00:02:54,958 Who we playing? 61 00:02:55,231 --> 00:02:56,846 Oakland. 62 00:02:57,231 --> 00:02:58,440 Great. 63 00:03:02,618 --> 00:03:04,969 I don't really believe in fate, or destiny, 64 00:03:05,006 --> 00:03:06,189 or good things happening, 65 00:03:06,340 --> 00:03:08,743 but the fact that Jules' major league debut 66 00:03:08,831 --> 00:03:10,342 is the same game that we're calling... 67 00:03:10,402 --> 00:03:12,905 - I mean, what are the odds? - Pretty good, considering 68 00:03:12,942 --> 00:03:14,103 you're both starting at the bottom 69 00:03:14,139 --> 00:03:16,135 for the two worst franchises in baseball. 70 00:03:16,172 --> 00:03:17,381 Well, thank you, Gabby. 71 00:03:17,418 --> 00:03:19,539 You are the wind above my wings. 72 00:03:20,026 --> 00:03:22,311 So what's going on with you two? 73 00:03:22,348 --> 00:03:24,247 You getting back together, or... 74 00:03:24,330 --> 00:03:25,697 I don't know. I mean, 75 00:03:25,768 --> 00:03:27,684 one scenario that could play itself out 76 00:03:27,721 --> 00:03:29,676 is we start with one to two phone calls a week 77 00:03:29,713 --> 00:03:31,284 and the occasional brunch. 78 00:03:31,388 --> 00:03:34,076 On a lark, we get a timeshare together in Ojai 79 00:03:34,113 --> 00:03:35,187 with some mutual friends, 80 00:03:35,224 --> 00:03:37,116 and, no, that's when the intimacy returns. 81 00:03:37,153 --> 00:03:39,718 With a soupçon of sexual tension 82 00:03:39,755 --> 00:03:41,099 thrown into the broth there. 83 00:03:41,136 --> 00:03:42,255 In three to eight years, 84 00:03:42,292 --> 00:03:43,985 when I finally do get my shit together, 85 00:03:44,022 --> 00:03:45,597 we marry at the Ojai house 86 00:03:45,634 --> 00:03:47,626 which is where it all began for us, really. 87 00:03:47,698 --> 00:03:49,176 Our rescue dog, Satchel, 88 00:03:49,213 --> 00:03:51,309 'cause we're not exactly sure how old he is, 89 00:03:51,369 --> 00:03:53,068 he's gonna be the ring bearer. 90 00:03:53,259 --> 00:03:54,878 So you're playing it cool. That's good. 91 00:03:55,140 --> 00:03:57,084 That's our story, but what about you? 92 00:03:57,121 --> 00:03:58,804 Are you seeing anybody? 93 00:03:58,956 --> 00:04:01,414 Uh, I'm married, actually, to my wife, Gayle. 94 00:04:01,534 --> 00:04:03,219 No wonder we get along so well. 95 00:04:03,256 --> 00:04:05,610 I'm one of those straight men who has always preferred 96 00:04:05,647 --> 00:04:06,880 the company of lesbians. 97 00:04:06,925 --> 00:04:08,573 Oh, you mean like a "Dyke Mike"? 98 00:04:08,610 --> 00:04:10,388 - Yeah, exactly. - No, I just made that up. 99 00:04:10,425 --> 00:04:11,746 What you're describing does not exist. 100 00:04:11,782 --> 00:04:13,553 Now wait, check out my bona fides here. 101 00:04:13,664 --> 00:04:15,705 My sister Jean just came out as a lesbian. 102 00:04:15,742 --> 00:04:17,535 She's one of my best friends. 103 00:04:17,615 --> 00:04:19,656 I've seen all six seasons of the "L Word." 104 00:04:19,693 --> 00:04:21,751 God, I'm such a Bette. 105 00:04:21,837 --> 00:04:23,791 And, oh, Melissa Etheridge and I, 106 00:04:23,828 --> 00:04:26,089 we invented our own strain of weed three years ago. 107 00:04:26,126 --> 00:04:28,730 - We called it O.G. Bush. - I don't get it. 108 00:04:28,767 --> 00:04:30,494 - See, 'cause it rhymes with kush. - Yeah. 109 00:04:30,531 --> 00:04:31,748 - No, I get it. Listen, - Oh. Oh. 110 00:04:31,785 --> 00:04:33,550 I don't like to discuss my sexuality at work, 111 00:04:33,587 --> 00:04:35,630 'cause all it does is embolden straight white guys 112 00:04:35,667 --> 00:04:37,401 to ask me a bunch of stupid, personal questions. 113 00:04:37,438 --> 00:04:38,958 - Just... one question... - Nope. Nope. Nope. 114 00:04:38,994 --> 00:04:40,679 If you ask me who leads when we dance, I swear to God. 115 00:04:40,716 --> 00:04:42,932 No, my question is how do lesbians always 116 00:04:42,969 --> 00:04:44,806 remain such good friends with their exes? 117 00:04:44,843 --> 00:04:47,201 - That's a stereotype. - Is it though? 118 00:04:47,492 --> 00:04:49,599 May I say that you look very nice today. 119 00:04:49,796 --> 00:04:51,989 And I... no, I mean that in whatever way is appropriate 120 00:04:52,026 --> 00:04:53,276 to this current... 121 00:04:53,313 --> 00:04:54,500 Thank you. 122 00:04:54,590 --> 00:04:56,265 Do you mind if I drink in front of you? 123 00:04:56,302 --> 00:04:58,555 If it's a trigger, I can put it in a paper bag 124 00:04:58,592 --> 00:05:00,116 or just take nips in the bathroom. 125 00:05:00,153 --> 00:05:02,095 That's very considerate, but, no, I don't mind 126 00:05:02,132 --> 00:05:03,298 if people drink in front of me. 127 00:05:03,432 --> 00:05:05,272 No, my only triggers are dive bars 128 00:05:05,309 --> 00:05:06,958 and the movies of Christopher Nolan. 129 00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:09,752 That's right. You threw a whiskey bottle 130 00:05:09,772 --> 00:05:11,751 - at my TV during... - "Interstellar." 131 00:05:11,788 --> 00:05:14,604 I mean, I just want to be told the story of the goddamn movie. 132 00:05:14,641 --> 00:05:15,903 I don't want to get taught a lesson 133 00:05:15,940 --> 00:05:17,780 in how to solve the puzzle of what the hell I'm watching. 134 00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:20,708 Could I get a pint glass of Chardonnay on the rocks? 135 00:05:20,745 --> 00:05:22,406 I know you don't do that, 136 00:05:22,443 --> 00:05:24,123 but really that just means you haven't done it yet, 137 00:05:24,159 --> 00:05:25,135 'cause it's simple. 138 00:05:25,172 --> 00:05:27,342 You fill a pint glass full of ice, 139 00:05:27,379 --> 00:05:30,489 then charge me for your finest bottle of Chardonnay, 140 00:05:30,526 --> 00:05:33,517 pour that bottle into the glass till it hits the brim. 141 00:05:33,554 --> 00:05:35,318 Then keep the bottle handy, 'cause I need a buzz 142 00:05:35,355 --> 00:05:37,216 to make it through this lunch. 143 00:05:37,913 --> 00:05:39,933 I'm gonna make it worth your while. 144 00:05:43,380 --> 00:05:44,638 Wow. 145 00:05:44,715 --> 00:05:47,215 Oh, hey, I like Jules with money and power, 146 00:05:47,367 --> 00:05:48,642 and I think the rest of the world... 147 00:05:48,679 --> 00:05:51,030 - I'm dating someone. - I'm sorry? 148 00:05:51,296 --> 00:05:54,577 I say I'm seeing someone. 149 00:05:54,768 --> 00:05:56,099 Oh. 150 00:05:56,251 --> 00:05:57,672 Okay. 151 00:05:57,761 --> 00:05:59,078 Of course, you're great. 152 00:05:59,115 --> 00:06:00,726 I'm sure you met somebody great. 153 00:06:00,763 --> 00:06:02,113 - It makes sense... - Someone you know. 154 00:06:02,203 --> 00:06:04,057 Really? Okay. 155 00:06:04,203 --> 00:06:07,325 Listen, new Jim, totally fine with it. 156 00:06:07,496 --> 00:06:08,984 We work in the same field. 157 00:06:09,021 --> 00:06:10,378 I mean, it was inevitable, right? 158 00:06:10,415 --> 00:06:12,858 It'd be weird if I didn't know this, uh... 159 00:06:14,430 --> 00:06:17,171 - acquaintance? - It's a good friend of yours. 160 00:06:17,700 --> 00:06:22,114 Okay, that narrows it down to zero, Jules. 161 00:06:22,151 --> 00:06:23,699 No, I don't have any good friends. 162 00:06:23,736 --> 00:06:26,182 Unless you're gonna tell me you're dating George Brett. 163 00:06:39,538 --> 00:06:41,194 I'm gonna need a top off. 164 00:06:41,441 --> 00:06:43,383 I'm dating George Brett. 165 00:06:44,354 --> 00:06:46,330 Jules, seriously? 166 00:06:46,418 --> 00:06:48,943 'Cause he's not a good friend, he's my one friend. 167 00:06:49,070 --> 00:06:51,102 He's the only person that sends me a birthday card. 168 00:06:51,139 --> 00:06:53,633 I mean, he's my goddamn emergency contact. 169 00:06:53,696 --> 00:06:55,565 I know. That's how we met. 170 00:06:55,694 --> 00:06:58,224 He was used to getting calls from hospitals 171 00:06:58,261 --> 00:06:59,556 and brothels around the world, 172 00:06:59,593 --> 00:07:01,092 and then you disappeared for a whole year. 173 00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:03,370 He was worried. We all were. 174 00:07:03,433 --> 00:07:06,368 He reached out, and then we hit it off. 175 00:07:06,579 --> 00:07:09,631 Oh, so, I kind of brought you guys together. 176 00:07:09,668 --> 00:07:10,905 - All right. - In a way. 177 00:07:10,942 --> 00:07:12,858 - That's romantic. - And you know I always 178 00:07:12,895 --> 00:07:15,152 had a crush on Crocodile Dundee growing up. 179 00:07:15,189 --> 00:07:18,633 Yeah, well, George is very Paul Hogan-esque. 180 00:07:19,613 --> 00:07:21,277 - Give you that. - I had to tell you, 181 00:07:21,314 --> 00:07:23,533 'cause it's really serious. 182 00:07:23,570 --> 00:07:25,012 We're moving in together. 183 00:07:25,704 --> 00:07:27,635 Well, now that's surprising, Jules, 184 00:07:27,672 --> 00:07:28,984 considering that you never 185 00:07:29,021 --> 00:07:30,436 forgave me for leaving Morristown... 186 00:07:30,473 --> 00:07:32,402 George is moving to Morristown. 187 00:07:33,156 --> 00:07:36,232 Oh, get out of here. Come on. 188 00:07:36,354 --> 00:07:38,465 - Yeah. - Okay, 189 00:07:38,502 --> 00:07:42,455 um, I need a little time with this, but, um... 190 00:07:42,695 --> 00:07:44,999 - There's more. - Oh, really? 191 00:07:45,354 --> 00:07:47,132 You're not even gonna do me the courtesy 192 00:07:47,169 --> 00:07:48,356 of stabbing in the back? 193 00:07:48,393 --> 00:07:49,913 You're just gonna look me straight in the face 194 00:07:49,949 --> 00:07:51,283 as you plunge the knife in, huh? 195 00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:54,101 It's not a knife, it's just my life, 196 00:07:54,177 --> 00:07:55,821 but, okay, I'll drop it. 197 00:07:56,694 --> 00:07:58,310 Thanks. 198 00:08:01,518 --> 00:08:03,259 What is it? What? 199 00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:05,615 He's up for a studio job with Bob Costas 200 00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:07,480 on the MLB network. 201 00:08:08,145 --> 00:08:09,698 - Okay. - So I figured, 202 00:08:09,735 --> 00:08:10,967 since you know Costas... 203 00:08:11,023 --> 00:08:12,485 I haven't spoken to Costas since he got me 204 00:08:12,522 --> 00:08:14,326 cut out of "Ken Burns's Baseball Documentary." 205 00:08:14,363 --> 00:08:16,680 Yeah, I know all about your interview. 206 00:08:16,717 --> 00:08:18,540 Yeah, an interview which will never be seen 207 00:08:18,577 --> 00:08:20,943 in the definitive, visual history of the game 208 00:08:20,963 --> 00:08:23,797 all because Bob Costas is the world's smallest asshole. 209 00:08:23,948 --> 00:08:26,252 You... no, you want me to eat a cold plate of shit 210 00:08:26,289 --> 00:08:28,749 and call him up, all to get your new boyfriend, 211 00:08:28,786 --> 00:08:31,050 my best friend, a job? 212 00:08:31,252 --> 00:08:32,918 Never mind. 213 00:08:33,994 --> 00:08:35,132 I don't know why I even thought... 214 00:08:35,169 --> 00:08:36,736 All right, you know what? I'm gonna do it. 215 00:08:36,773 --> 00:08:38,019 - Really? - Mm-hmm. 216 00:08:38,093 --> 00:08:40,251 - Why? - Because the old Jim 217 00:08:40,288 --> 00:08:41,646 would have used this as an excuse 218 00:08:41,683 --> 00:08:43,356 to go on a bender and try to catch 219 00:08:43,393 --> 00:08:46,020 that super gonorrhea with both hands. 220 00:08:46,959 --> 00:08:49,004 But I'm new Jim. 221 00:08:53,236 --> 00:08:56,018 Thank you for supporting Tampa baseball. 222 00:08:56,055 --> 00:08:57,559 During the game... 223 00:08:58,315 --> 00:08:59,995 You know, the only things I know about George Brett 224 00:09:00,031 --> 00:09:02,634 are he is a hall-of-famer, and, more impressively, 225 00:09:02,671 --> 00:09:04,256 Lorde wrote her song "Royals" about him. 226 00:09:04,293 --> 00:09:05,493 Thank you for that fun fact, Gabby. 227 00:09:05,529 --> 00:09:07,697 You know what really chaps my ass though? 228 00:09:07,734 --> 00:09:09,992 She had the balls, she had the cajones 229 00:09:10,029 --> 00:09:11,924 to ask me to do her a favor 230 00:09:12,033 --> 00:09:14,118 by calling up Bob Costas on the phone. 231 00:09:14,202 --> 00:09:15,794 So what's the big deal? 232 00:09:15,881 --> 00:09:17,610 The year's 1993, okay? 233 00:09:17,647 --> 00:09:20,592 I'm walking into an interview as Costas is walking out. 234 00:09:20,629 --> 00:09:21,825 I say, "Hey, Bob", 235 00:09:21,862 --> 00:09:24,258 what kind of stuff does Ken Burns want to know?" 236 00:09:24,353 --> 00:09:27,091 He says, "Oh, he's looking for all the X-rated details" 237 00:09:27,152 --> 00:09:28,832 that nobody ever shares on camera." 238 00:09:28,869 --> 00:09:31,007 So I sit down in front of Ken Burns 239 00:09:31,126 --> 00:09:33,667 and I launch myself into this graphic 240 00:09:33,704 --> 00:09:36,826 and detailed history of beaver shooting. 241 00:09:36,863 --> 00:09:39,603 - I don't know what that is. - Most of baseball history, 242 00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:41,708 the players like to sneak underneath the stands 243 00:09:41,745 --> 00:09:43,920 and try to find the women who weren't wearing any underwear. 244 00:09:43,957 --> 00:09:45,159 It's kind of like bird watching, 245 00:09:45,196 --> 00:09:46,696 except, you know, for labias. 246 00:09:46,813 --> 00:09:48,809 So that's what you thought Ken Burns wanted to hear? 247 00:09:48,870 --> 00:09:51,274 Just a tradition of low-grade sexual assault? 248 00:09:51,311 --> 00:09:52,647 The point of that story was not really 249 00:09:52,684 --> 00:09:54,717 how Ken Burns' funereal tone 250 00:09:54,781 --> 00:09:57,265 sands over the profane aspects of American history. 251 00:09:57,362 --> 00:09:59,638 The point is Bob Costas fucked me 252 00:09:59,711 --> 00:10:02,187 and didn't even have the decency to finger my ass first. 253 00:10:02,224 --> 00:10:03,590 Wait, don't you always brag 254 00:10:03,627 --> 00:10:05,660 that you gave Bob Costas pink eye in Sochi? 255 00:10:05,697 --> 00:10:07,695 Yeah, I definitely did that. 256 00:10:07,746 --> 00:10:09,749 So then you're even. Feud over. 257 00:10:09,786 --> 00:10:11,540 Now you can go help the woman's who's heart 258 00:10:11,577 --> 00:10:13,818 I assume you broke over and over. 259 00:10:14,063 --> 00:10:15,257 It was just twice. 260 00:10:15,294 --> 00:10:18,536 All right, we're on in three, two, one... 261 00:10:18,671 --> 00:10:21,108 Welcome, everybody, to Port Charlotte, Florida, 262 00:10:21,145 --> 00:10:23,791 home today not only of spring training baseball 263 00:10:23,828 --> 00:10:27,587 but to the 2019 South Eastern Rodeo semifinals. 264 00:10:27,770 --> 00:10:29,344 And although it's only 10:00 a.m., 265 00:10:29,381 --> 00:10:32,215 the broiling sun is reminding us all that livestock 266 00:10:32,252 --> 00:10:35,283 are in fact defecating in very large numbers out there. 267 00:10:35,355 --> 00:10:37,540 Smells so bad it actually hurts my feelings. 268 00:10:37,577 --> 00:10:38,807 How about you, Gabby? 269 00:10:38,844 --> 00:10:40,140 Yeah, I don't know what's worse, Jim. 270 00:10:40,177 --> 00:10:42,602 That I can taste it or that I've gotten used to the taste. 271 00:10:42,754 --> 00:10:45,397 Oh, definitely the latter, but what's remarkable 272 00:10:45,434 --> 00:10:47,973 is that this stadium slash animal toilet 273 00:10:48,010 --> 00:10:50,343 is somehow packed full of fans. 274 00:10:50,503 --> 00:10:51,899 Oh! 275 00:10:52,004 --> 00:10:53,626 Wow. 276 00:10:54,412 --> 00:10:58,347 We haven't had a sellout here in, uh... ever. 277 00:10:58,511 --> 00:11:01,288 Never had a doubt. 278 00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:03,028 What's with all the phones? 279 00:11:03,434 --> 00:11:06,375 Augmented reality. Future of live entertainment. 280 00:11:06,412 --> 00:11:08,174 A composite between the real world 281 00:11:08,211 --> 00:11:09,404 and the digital world. 282 00:11:09,476 --> 00:11:10,955 Right now they're all playing a game 283 00:11:10,992 --> 00:11:12,476 called "Beasts of Bedlam." 284 00:11:12,513 --> 00:11:15,989 They're using their phones to battle and capture monsters. 285 00:11:16,026 --> 00:11:18,341 So I partnered with the creators 286 00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:22,022 and made the stadium a realm of rare creatures. 287 00:11:22,126 --> 00:11:24,310 Video games on your phone. 288 00:11:24,534 --> 00:11:26,645 My fat grandson plays those all the time, 289 00:11:26,682 --> 00:11:29,157 but what's that have to do with baseball? 290 00:11:29,229 --> 00:11:31,485 You promised me fans for life. 291 00:11:31,522 --> 00:11:32,974 This... 292 00:11:33,275 --> 00:11:34,552 this is a gimmick. 293 00:11:34,643 --> 00:11:37,490 Top of the seventh, Ramirez on to pitch now for Tampa Bay 294 00:11:37,527 --> 00:11:39,369 in what has been a very strange ball game. 295 00:11:39,406 --> 00:11:40,933 Most of the crowd has been playing 296 00:11:40,970 --> 00:11:42,812 some weird game on their phone. 297 00:11:42,896 --> 00:11:44,291 Holy shit! 298 00:11:44,374 --> 00:11:46,380 A new character was just released. 299 00:11:46,417 --> 00:11:48,151 It's the baseball throwing guy. 300 00:11:48,263 --> 00:11:50,605 On the field. On the hill. 301 00:11:50,980 --> 00:11:52,229 Ramirez! 302 00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:59,238 If he strikes out the next batter, 303 00:11:59,290 --> 00:12:01,922 his character will buff 20% 304 00:12:02,004 --> 00:12:04,471 and become the most powerful monster 305 00:12:04,508 --> 00:12:06,037 in the M-O-B-A. 306 00:12:06,074 --> 00:12:07,831 - Is that the MOBA? - Yep. 307 00:12:07,868 --> 00:12:09,477 The MOBA. My goodness, 308 00:12:09,910 --> 00:12:11,477 this is making me long for the days 309 00:12:11,514 --> 00:12:12,839 when I did commercial reads 310 00:12:12,876 --> 00:12:15,118 for the smooth taste of extra tar cigarettes. 311 00:12:15,155 --> 00:12:16,771 Gabby, can you please tell me 312 00:12:16,808 --> 00:12:18,516 what the heck it is that I just read. 313 00:12:18,553 --> 00:12:19,870 If Ramirez strikes out Copeland, 314 00:12:19,907 --> 00:12:21,412 basically I'll never lose a game 315 00:12:21,449 --> 00:12:23,299 to my nieces and nephews again. 316 00:12:23,655 --> 00:12:25,543 That didn't clear anything up. 317 00:12:26,365 --> 00:12:28,088 Well, there's strike two. 318 00:12:28,144 --> 00:12:29,960 Why are they all going crazy? 319 00:12:30,263 --> 00:12:32,437 'Cause we just made the game real to them. 320 00:12:32,641 --> 00:12:35,272 This'll be their favorite memory of favorite their thing, 321 00:12:35,309 --> 00:12:36,774 and they'll be forever drawn to Tampa 322 00:12:36,793 --> 00:12:38,725 to see if we're as fun as they remember. 323 00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:43,229 Nostalgia. Swing, and strike three! 324 00:12:43,266 --> 00:12:45,700 It's the most powerful drug there is. 325 00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:50,042 Come by tomorrow. 326 00:12:50,272 --> 00:12:52,817 I'll give you all the regular season dates I can. 327 00:12:52,854 --> 00:12:55,287 Tomorrow doesn't work for me. 328 00:12:55,381 --> 00:12:56,722 - Really? - I'm kidding. 329 00:12:56,759 --> 00:13:00,065 - I was just... - Ah. Ah... 330 00:13:00,140 --> 00:13:02,458 I like money. I'll be there. 331 00:13:07,130 --> 00:13:10,226 Well, you did it, Jules. 332 00:13:10,330 --> 00:13:11,889 - I did. - You did. 333 00:13:11,926 --> 00:13:15,094 Have you called George yet? Tell him the good news? 334 00:13:15,598 --> 00:13:17,355 Yup. 335 00:13:17,751 --> 00:13:19,833 He doesn't really get the whole video game thing. 336 00:13:19,870 --> 00:13:22,069 - I mean, he's from a different era. - Yeah. 337 00:13:22,308 --> 00:13:24,329 I had to explain to him who Lorde is. 338 00:13:24,408 --> 00:13:26,591 You know that he inspired her to write the song "Royals"? 339 00:13:26,628 --> 00:13:28,446 I heard that. That's very cool. 340 00:13:28,537 --> 00:13:30,281 You know, Jules, what you did here today, 341 00:13:30,392 --> 00:13:32,634 that's one of the most amazing things I've ever seen, 342 00:13:32,719 --> 00:13:35,798 and I once saw a triple play end a ball game. Ha. 343 00:13:36,490 --> 00:13:37,689 Thank you. 344 00:13:37,952 --> 00:13:39,296 Hope you and George go out 345 00:13:39,333 --> 00:13:41,684 and just get drunk as two skunks tonight. 346 00:13:41,857 --> 00:13:43,448 Nuh-uh. 347 00:13:43,985 --> 00:13:45,342 No, no. 348 00:13:46,345 --> 00:13:48,059 George is sober. 349 00:13:48,498 --> 00:13:50,272 Sober as in serious, 350 00:13:50,349 --> 00:13:52,795 like in how you would describe a hardened pilgrim woman 351 00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:55,581 named Goodie who watched all of her children die? 352 00:13:56,198 --> 00:13:59,043 No, I mean, he... 353 00:13:59,144 --> 00:14:02,087 stopped drinking around the same time you did. 354 00:14:04,533 --> 00:14:06,064 Will you excuse me for just a minute? 355 00:14:06,101 --> 00:14:07,519 Yeah. 356 00:14:25,852 --> 00:14:27,928 Everything okay? 357 00:14:28,888 --> 00:14:30,646 Hooooow dare you! 358 00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:33,754 How dare you date someone sober who isn't me! 359 00:14:33,791 --> 00:14:35,863 All this time I thought you were just too damaged 360 00:14:35,900 --> 00:14:37,026 to handle my sobriety, 361 00:14:37,063 --> 00:14:39,034 but now I see I was just too young for you. 362 00:14:39,071 --> 00:14:41,037 Turns out you wanted to fuck your dad. 363 00:14:41,074 --> 00:14:43,276 - Okay, we're done. - Sorry, Jules, well... 364 00:14:43,313 --> 00:14:44,638 I'm sorry. Jules. 365 00:14:44,904 --> 00:14:46,971 Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. 366 00:14:49,125 --> 00:14:51,299 Look, I said some unforgivable things to you. 367 00:14:51,348 --> 00:14:53,811 Now you say some unforgivable things to me... we'll be fine. 368 00:14:53,848 --> 00:14:55,192 I don't want to say horrible things to you. 369 00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:56,389 I don't want to say anything to you. 370 00:14:56,426 --> 00:14:57,626 Great, just keep talking about how 371 00:14:57,662 --> 00:14:59,117 you don't want to talk to me anymore. 372 00:14:59,154 --> 00:15:00,557 Holy shit. 373 00:15:00,795 --> 00:15:02,338 Look, can we at least talk... 374 00:15:02,375 --> 00:15:03,838 Oh, my God. Can we talk about 375 00:15:03,875 --> 00:15:05,484 what's going on with this loose pig? 376 00:15:05,635 --> 00:15:07,227 I mean, the rodeo left hours ago. 377 00:15:07,691 --> 00:15:10,546 Did it escape? Was it abandoned? 378 00:15:10,663 --> 00:15:12,414 Why is it wearing a pirate hat? 379 00:15:12,477 --> 00:15:14,828 No, seriously, I really feel like if ever there were 380 00:15:14,865 --> 00:15:16,249 a worthy topic of conversation... 381 00:15:16,286 --> 00:15:17,862 If I broke up with George right now, 382 00:15:17,899 --> 00:15:20,302 would you even be capable of having a relationship? 383 00:15:20,807 --> 00:15:23,349 Not at this point in my sobriety, no, 384 00:15:23,386 --> 00:15:25,474 but I did just get a turtle though, so... 385 00:15:25,511 --> 00:15:28,395 So you want me to just 386 00:15:28,566 --> 00:15:30,566 keep putting my life on hold in perpetuity 387 00:15:30,606 --> 00:15:31,914 while you get your shit together? 388 00:15:31,951 --> 00:15:33,784 I mean, how would that even work? 389 00:15:33,863 --> 00:15:36,755 Well, now, one scenario that could play out 390 00:15:36,851 --> 00:15:39,169 is we start with one to two phone calls a week. 391 00:15:39,206 --> 00:15:41,198 One to two phone calls a week? 392 00:15:41,235 --> 00:15:44,058 Are you insane? We didn't work out! 393 00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:47,192 You needed to get out and pursue your dreams, 394 00:15:47,229 --> 00:15:49,730 and I had to stay and try to salvage mine. 395 00:15:49,921 --> 00:15:52,028 I'm glad you're trying to get healthy, 396 00:15:52,065 --> 00:15:53,565 but let me be clear. 397 00:15:53,758 --> 00:15:56,191 We're never getting back together. 398 00:15:56,355 --> 00:15:57,784 Ever! 399 00:15:59,225 --> 00:16:00,367 Move the pig. 400 00:16:00,431 --> 00:16:02,292 Well... 401 00:16:02,902 --> 00:16:06,420 Holy shit, Jules, the pig's wearing a different hat. 402 00:16:06,569 --> 00:16:08,395 Seriously, that's either a different pig 403 00:16:08,432 --> 00:16:10,535 or he made a wardrobe change all on his own. 404 00:16:10,572 --> 00:16:12,740 I mean, Jesus Christ. I really feel 405 00:16:12,777 --> 00:16:14,467 that we should put our differences aside 406 00:16:14,504 --> 00:16:16,266 and focus on this pig situation. 407 00:16:16,303 --> 00:16:19,247 Move the pig, or I'm gonna run it over. 408 00:16:19,398 --> 00:16:20,464 Understood. All right. 409 00:16:20,501 --> 00:16:23,303 All right, Mr. Pig. Soo-ee. 410 00:16:23,454 --> 00:16:24,554 Move along. 411 00:16:24,705 --> 00:16:26,481 Hoo-ahh! 412 00:16:26,900 --> 00:16:28,716 Jules, please don't leave. 413 00:16:28,793 --> 00:16:30,372 I was ready to kill the magical pig. 414 00:16:30,409 --> 00:16:31,678 What do you think I'll do to you? 415 00:16:31,715 --> 00:16:34,022 I need you in my life, okay? I need to at least know 416 00:16:34,059 --> 00:16:36,874 that if I called you someday you'd answer the phone. 417 00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:39,286 What do I have to do to make this up to you? 418 00:16:40,670 --> 00:16:43,276 George Brett is great, but so are a lot of people. 419 00:16:43,313 --> 00:16:44,607 This is a big ask. 420 00:16:44,684 --> 00:16:46,536 Yeah, but don't you think you kind of owe me 421 00:16:46,599 --> 00:16:48,401 after the whole Ken Burns thing, Bob? 422 00:16:48,438 --> 00:16:50,105 You know I only did that 423 00:16:50,148 --> 00:16:53,389 because you and Joe Buck planted all that Swedish porn 424 00:16:53,426 --> 00:16:55,706 and a dueling pistol in my suitcase 425 00:16:55,743 --> 00:16:57,196 at the '93 All Star Game. 426 00:16:57,233 --> 00:16:59,104 Yeah, but that was really funny, Bob. 427 00:16:59,141 --> 00:17:02,350 The Baltimore airport police didn't think so. 428 00:17:02,627 --> 00:17:05,218 Oh, yeah, that's why we planted the gun. 429 00:17:06,745 --> 00:17:10,324 In all seriousness though, done a lot of work on myself. 430 00:17:10,498 --> 00:17:12,967 I'm finally in a place where I can admit to you 431 00:17:13,293 --> 00:17:16,065 that that was 100% Joe Buck. 432 00:17:16,261 --> 00:17:18,722 Joe Buck. I warned you about him. 433 00:17:18,759 --> 00:17:21,927 No, you were right. Not all sociopaths are serial killers. 434 00:17:22,180 --> 00:17:24,529 - Punk. - Punk ass bitch. 435 00:17:28,505 --> 00:17:30,605 Oh, God. 436 00:17:31,227 --> 00:17:34,035 You know, I forgot how delightful it is 437 00:17:34,125 --> 00:17:36,468 to share a meal with a fellow raconteur. 438 00:17:36,619 --> 00:17:39,625 You know, one time I had dinner with Dick Cavett. 439 00:17:39,662 --> 00:17:42,548 It turned into a two-week river cruise of the Danube. 440 00:17:42,585 --> 00:17:44,910 We were on Peter Bogdanovich's houseboat. 441 00:17:44,947 --> 00:17:46,811 Well, we should do this again sometime soon. 442 00:17:46,888 --> 00:17:48,647 Aw. 443 00:17:49,120 --> 00:17:54,254 You know, I feel like I should get something off my chest. 444 00:17:54,668 --> 00:17:57,471 Part of the program is we, uh, 445 00:17:57,560 --> 00:17:59,840 we make amends to people we feel we have wronged. 446 00:17:59,877 --> 00:18:01,896 - Yeah. - And uh... 447 00:18:03,717 --> 00:18:05,627 Bob, I was the one who gave you pink eye 448 00:18:05,664 --> 00:18:07,326 at the Sochi Olympics. 449 00:18:07,550 --> 00:18:08,833 - What? - Yeah. 450 00:18:08,910 --> 00:18:10,968 Now, you ever been to Ojai? 451 00:18:11,007 --> 00:18:12,589 They got a delightful bistro there... 452 00:18:12,797 --> 00:18:13,982 I don't understand. 453 00:18:14,044 --> 00:18:15,971 All the doctors told me it was viral. 454 00:18:16,008 --> 00:18:17,646 Oh, it was. Oh, it took some doing. 455 00:18:17,708 --> 00:18:20,241 I mean, I have connections with the Russian Mafia. 456 00:18:20,677 --> 00:18:23,089 And... but the tough part was getting into the second eye. 457 00:18:23,241 --> 00:18:25,865 You son of a bitch! 458 00:18:26,422 --> 00:18:29,083 I've won 28 Emmys, a Peabody, 459 00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:30,947 hosted who knows how many Olympics, 460 00:18:30,984 --> 00:18:33,380 World Series, Super Bowls, NBA Finals, 461 00:18:33,417 --> 00:18:36,065 and nobody gives a shit about any of that anymore. 462 00:18:36,102 --> 00:18:37,678 But that's why I want to make it up to you. 463 00:18:37,715 --> 00:18:40,746 After all I've done, if you Google my name, 464 00:18:40,825 --> 00:18:43,784 the first thing that comes up is pink eye. 465 00:18:43,942 --> 00:18:47,395 Before all the honors, even before Bob Costas' feet. 466 00:18:47,538 --> 00:18:50,854 And as it happens, my feet are goddamn delightful. 467 00:18:50,891 --> 00:18:52,576 Well, now, Bob, does this mean you, 468 00:18:52,613 --> 00:18:54,359 you're not gonna help out George Brett? 469 00:18:54,438 --> 00:18:58,122 Oh, no, I'm gonna help him, and you know why? 470 00:18:58,233 --> 00:19:02,280 Just so that every day I can think about how George Brett 471 00:19:02,351 --> 00:19:04,613 is satisfying your ex-girlfriend 472 00:19:04,708 --> 00:19:06,891 in ways you never dreamed of. 473 00:19:06,928 --> 00:19:08,107 So long, douche bag. 474 00:19:08,144 --> 00:19:10,420 Okay. Ow. 475 00:19:10,987 --> 00:19:13,212 Just because you put hollandaise on a hot dog, 476 00:19:13,249 --> 00:19:14,868 it doesn't make it a Benedict, Steve. 477 00:19:14,905 --> 00:19:16,647 Good God. 478 00:19:17,654 --> 00:19:20,071 Oh, boy, George Brett. 479 00:19:20,251 --> 00:19:22,048 - How you doing, Jim? - Oh, I'm good. 480 00:19:22,085 --> 00:19:23,267 Hey, I can't thank you enough 481 00:19:23,304 --> 00:19:24,727 for putting in a good word for me. 482 00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:27,768 - It means the world to me. - Sure, George. Sure. 483 00:19:28,444 --> 00:19:29,741 We cool? 484 00:19:29,940 --> 00:19:31,828 Oh, yeah, we're cool, George. 485 00:19:31,939 --> 00:19:33,898 Did you really move to Morristown? 486 00:19:33,994 --> 00:19:35,883 Butler Heights. 487 00:19:36,017 --> 00:19:38,659 Ten miles out of town, that way you're up on a hill 488 00:19:38,696 --> 00:19:40,684 and above that smell. That's smart. 489 00:19:40,721 --> 00:19:42,641 You always were the smart one, George. 490 00:19:42,678 --> 00:19:44,965 - You know how great she is. - I do. 491 00:19:45,002 --> 00:19:46,258 That's why I want you to give her 492 00:19:46,295 --> 00:19:48,268 all the love that she deserves. 493 00:19:49,248 --> 00:19:51,817 - So we're cool? - George, we're cool. 494 00:19:51,854 --> 00:19:53,090 Okay, buddy. Good to see you. 495 00:19:53,127 --> 00:19:54,721 Okay, you too. 496 00:20:03,269 --> 00:20:05,084 Hey, hey, you know who I just saw? 497 00:20:05,121 --> 00:20:06,436 Crocodile Dundee. 498 00:20:06,859 --> 00:20:08,863 It was George Brett, Gus. Are you kidding? 499 00:20:08,900 --> 00:20:11,033 Oh. Hey, you know that singer Lorde? 500 00:20:11,249 --> 00:20:12,718 She wrote a song called "Royals"... 501 00:20:12,755 --> 00:20:15,012 I know. Lorde wrote the song "Royals" about George Brett. 502 00:20:15,049 --> 00:20:17,702 I'm aware that the man's magnetism was so intense 503 00:20:17,739 --> 00:20:20,041 that a single image of him autographing baseballs 504 00:20:20,078 --> 00:20:23,316 was enough to inspire a 17-year-old Kiwi goth teen 505 00:20:23,459 --> 00:20:25,736 to write the biggest single of the 21st century. 506 00:20:25,803 --> 00:20:28,089 So glad I know it too, Gus. You know why? 507 00:20:28,126 --> 00:20:29,551 'Cause every time I hear that song, 508 00:20:29,588 --> 00:20:31,105 which because it's a modern classic 509 00:20:31,142 --> 00:20:32,624 should be pretty much all the time, 510 00:20:32,661 --> 00:20:34,879 I get to be reminded about how the love of my life 511 00:20:34,921 --> 00:20:37,580 traded up and is never ever coming back to me again. 512 00:20:37,617 --> 00:20:40,654 Great talking to you as always, dummy. 513 00:20:41,159 --> 00:20:44,601 Hey, I just saw a guy who looked like Crocodile Dundee! 514 00:20:46,926 --> 00:20:48,720 Open with runners in scoring position 515 00:20:48,757 --> 00:20:50,648 for the first time here this afternoon 516 00:20:50,685 --> 00:20:53,041 as Stubblefield looks at a fastball 517 00:20:53,078 --> 00:20:54,574 on the outside corner for a strike. 518 00:20:54,611 --> 00:20:56,224 2-0. Check it, 1-1. 519 00:20:56,261 --> 00:20:58,013 Sorry about that, folks. 520 00:20:59,072 --> 00:21:01,877 Breaking ball, missed outside this time, 1-2. 521 00:21:02,203 --> 00:21:03,678 Just did it again. 522 00:21:03,919 --> 00:21:06,392 - Count's 2-2. - 2-1. 523 00:21:06,987 --> 00:21:09,797 My goodness, three decades of broadcasting, 524 00:21:09,834 --> 00:21:11,625 I don't think I've ever butchered the count. 525 00:21:11,662 --> 00:21:13,003 At least not quite that badly. 526 00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:15,483 Well, it's spring training for broadcasters too, Jim. 527 00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:17,370 So it is. Thank you, Gabby. 528 00:21:17,629 --> 00:21:19,654 Stubblefield fouls that one down the right side, 529 00:21:19,691 --> 00:21:21,228 2-1... no, 2-3. 530 00:21:21,265 --> 00:21:23,458 2-3? Doesn't even make any sense. 531 00:21:23,495 --> 00:21:25,320 Sorry, folks, check it. 2 balling... 532 00:21:25,373 --> 00:21:27,496 2 balls... and tiny... 533 00:21:30,196 --> 00:21:31,738 Jim, are you having a stroke? 534 00:21:31,775 --> 00:21:34,985 I wish. I think I have the yips. 535 00:21:36,802 --> 00:21:40,802 synced & corrected by PopcornAWH www.addic7ed.com 40303

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