Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:21,286
Julia James. I'm here for the meeting.
2
00:00:21,726 --> 00:00:23,168
They're not quite ready for you.
3
00:00:23,264 --> 00:00:24,447
Do you have a bathroom?
4
00:00:24,484 --> 00:00:25,834
I just want to freshen up a bit.
5
00:00:25,926 --> 00:00:29,094
Yeah, right over here.
But, girl, you look good.
6
00:00:35,812 --> 00:00:38,047
Shit.
7
00:00:41,958 --> 00:00:43,508
Shit.
8
00:00:49,783 --> 00:00:52,400
They're ready... for you...
9
00:00:52,848 --> 00:00:55,868
Who's the most stylish woman
in the office about my size?
10
00:00:56,019 --> 00:00:58,078
- Chantal, why...
- I need you to go to Chantal.
11
00:00:58,115 --> 00:00:59,435
Tell her there's a woman
in the bathroom
12
00:00:59,471 --> 00:01:01,669
who will give her $200 cash
for her top.
13
00:01:01,833 --> 00:01:03,266
Come on! I need your help.
14
00:01:03,343 --> 00:01:05,298
I'm about to go into my tryouts
for the big leagues.
15
00:01:05,335 --> 00:01:07,093
If I show up like a girl
from Morristown
16
00:01:07,130 --> 00:01:08,471
who got nervous and pitted out,
17
00:01:08,508 --> 00:01:10,240
it's over before I even open my mouth.
18
00:01:10,391 --> 00:01:11,533
Please.
19
00:01:11,684 --> 00:01:13,559
Give her the money.
20
00:01:13,911 --> 00:01:15,320
You don't like what I'm wearing?
21
00:01:15,605 --> 00:01:17,272
I just think we have
different taste levels,
22
00:01:17,447 --> 00:01:19,388
but it looks great on you.
23
00:01:20,627 --> 00:01:22,168
Mr. Benjamin, you and I actually
24
00:01:22,205 --> 00:01:23,711
have something in common.
25
00:01:24,046 --> 00:01:26,730
We're both owners, and while Morristown
26
00:01:26,767 --> 00:01:28,741
may be a different market
than Tampa Bay,
27
00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:30,204
we face the same problem...
28
00:01:30,295 --> 00:01:32,034
baseball is dying.
29
00:01:33,136 --> 00:01:34,380
You've seen the demographics.
30
00:01:34,430 --> 00:01:37,412
Anyone under the age of 20
would rather watch e-sports
31
00:01:37,761 --> 00:01:39,062
than a baseball game.
32
00:01:39,222 --> 00:01:41,271
But I was able to increase attendance
33
00:01:41,308 --> 00:01:44,840
in Scranton Wilkes-Barre by 60%. How?
34
00:01:45,636 --> 00:01:49,016
'Cause I know there's one
inescapable fact about baseball.
35
00:01:50,281 --> 00:01:51,973
It's fun to go see a game.
36
00:01:52,049 --> 00:01:54,283
Maybe boring as shit to watch on TV,
37
00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:55,639
fade into the background on the radio,
38
00:01:55,676 --> 00:01:57,463
but in person...
39
00:01:58,647 --> 00:02:01,321
it's like the goddamn circus
came to town.
40
00:02:02,317 --> 00:02:05,110
Except without all
the elephant torture.
41
00:02:07,815 --> 00:02:09,031
What's your proposal?
42
00:02:09,116 --> 00:02:11,050
Pick your worst
spring training home date,
43
00:02:11,087 --> 00:02:13,270
the one you know right now
will be impossible to draw.
44
00:02:13,382 --> 00:02:15,138
Allow me to run a promotion on it.
45
00:02:15,399 --> 00:02:16,973
I guarantee it'll sell out,
46
00:02:17,125 --> 00:02:20,217
because even with the
obstacles Tampa Bay faces,
47
00:02:20,923 --> 00:02:23,185
a shrinking fan base, a bad team,
48
00:02:23,222 --> 00:02:24,590
the gator incident of '09...
49
00:02:24,627 --> 00:02:27,469
Hey, that man still swears
it was consensual.
50
00:02:29,098 --> 00:02:31,545
I know how to get people
to come to a baseball game.
51
00:02:31,986 --> 00:02:33,306
And once I prove it,
52
00:02:33,365 --> 00:02:35,092
you'll want to hire my
consulting company,
53
00:02:35,129 --> 00:02:38,244
Julia James Promotions,
on some regular season dates.
54
00:02:39,094 --> 00:02:41,428
Wednesday, March 13.
55
00:02:41,655 --> 00:02:43,896
It's a 10:00 a.m. start time
due to a rodeo
56
00:02:43,933 --> 00:02:46,077
that's taking place in the parking lot.
57
00:02:46,149 --> 00:02:48,574
So the whole place'll smell
like cow shit.
58
00:02:48,810 --> 00:02:50,420
How's that sound to you?
59
00:02:50,562 --> 00:02:52,453
Like perfection.
60
00:02:53,217 --> 00:02:54,958
Who we playing?
61
00:02:55,231 --> 00:02:56,846
Oakland.
62
00:02:57,231 --> 00:02:58,440
Great.
63
00:03:02,618 --> 00:03:04,969
I don't really believe in
fate, or destiny,
64
00:03:05,006 --> 00:03:06,189
or good things happening,
65
00:03:06,340 --> 00:03:08,743
but the fact that Jules'
major league debut
66
00:03:08,831 --> 00:03:10,342
is the same game that we're calling...
67
00:03:10,402 --> 00:03:12,905
- I mean, what are the odds?
- Pretty good, considering
68
00:03:12,942 --> 00:03:14,103
you're both starting at the bottom
69
00:03:14,139 --> 00:03:16,135
for the two worst
franchises in baseball.
70
00:03:16,172 --> 00:03:17,381
Well, thank you, Gabby.
71
00:03:17,418 --> 00:03:19,539
You are the wind above my wings.
72
00:03:20,026 --> 00:03:22,311
So what's going on with you two?
73
00:03:22,348 --> 00:03:24,247
You getting back together, or...
74
00:03:24,330 --> 00:03:25,697
I don't know. I mean,
75
00:03:25,768 --> 00:03:27,684
one scenario that could play itself out
76
00:03:27,721 --> 00:03:29,676
is we start with one to two
phone calls a week
77
00:03:29,713 --> 00:03:31,284
and the occasional brunch.
78
00:03:31,388 --> 00:03:34,076
On a lark, we get a timeshare
together in Ojai
79
00:03:34,113 --> 00:03:35,187
with some mutual friends,
80
00:03:35,224 --> 00:03:37,116
and, no, that's when
the intimacy returns.
81
00:03:37,153 --> 00:03:39,718
With a soupçon of sexual tension
82
00:03:39,755 --> 00:03:41,099
thrown into the broth there.
83
00:03:41,136 --> 00:03:42,255
In three to eight years,
84
00:03:42,292 --> 00:03:43,985
when I finally do get my shit together,
85
00:03:44,022 --> 00:03:45,597
we marry at the Ojai house
86
00:03:45,634 --> 00:03:47,626
which is where it all began
for us, really.
87
00:03:47,698 --> 00:03:49,176
Our rescue dog, Satchel,
88
00:03:49,213 --> 00:03:51,309
'cause we're not exactly sure
how old he is,
89
00:03:51,369 --> 00:03:53,068
he's gonna be the ring bearer.
90
00:03:53,259 --> 00:03:54,878
So you're playing it cool. That's good.
91
00:03:55,140 --> 00:03:57,084
That's our story, but what about you?
92
00:03:57,121 --> 00:03:58,804
Are you seeing anybody?
93
00:03:58,956 --> 00:04:01,414
Uh, I'm married, actually,
to my wife, Gayle.
94
00:04:01,534 --> 00:04:03,219
No wonder we get along so well.
95
00:04:03,256 --> 00:04:05,610
I'm one of those straight men
who has always preferred
96
00:04:05,647 --> 00:04:06,880
the company of lesbians.
97
00:04:06,925 --> 00:04:08,573
Oh, you mean like a "Dyke Mike"?
98
00:04:08,610 --> 00:04:10,388
- Yeah, exactly.
- No, I just made that up.
99
00:04:10,425 --> 00:04:11,746
What you're describing does not exist.
100
00:04:11,782 --> 00:04:13,553
Now wait, check out my bona fides here.
101
00:04:13,664 --> 00:04:15,705
My sister Jean
just came out as a lesbian.
102
00:04:15,742 --> 00:04:17,535
She's one of my best friends.
103
00:04:17,615 --> 00:04:19,656
I've seen all six seasons
of the "L Word."
104
00:04:19,693 --> 00:04:21,751
God, I'm such a Bette.
105
00:04:21,837 --> 00:04:23,791
And, oh, Melissa Etheridge and I,
106
00:04:23,828 --> 00:04:26,089
we invented our own strain of
weed three years ago.
107
00:04:26,126 --> 00:04:28,730
- We called it O.G. Bush.
- I don't get it.
108
00:04:28,767 --> 00:04:30,494
- See, 'cause it rhymes with kush.
- Yeah.
109
00:04:30,531 --> 00:04:31,748
- No, I get it. Listen,
- Oh. Oh.
110
00:04:31,785 --> 00:04:33,550
I don't like to discuss
my sexuality at work,
111
00:04:33,587 --> 00:04:35,630
'cause all it does is embolden
straight white guys
112
00:04:35,667 --> 00:04:37,401
to ask me a bunch of stupid,
personal questions.
113
00:04:37,438 --> 00:04:38,958
- Just... one question...
- Nope. Nope. Nope.
114
00:04:38,994 --> 00:04:40,679
If you ask me who leads when
we dance, I swear to God.
115
00:04:40,716 --> 00:04:42,932
No, my question is
how do lesbians always
116
00:04:42,969 --> 00:04:44,806
remain such good friends
with their exes?
117
00:04:44,843 --> 00:04:47,201
- That's a stereotype.
- Is it though?
118
00:04:47,492 --> 00:04:49,599
May I say that you look
very nice today.
119
00:04:49,796 --> 00:04:51,989
And I... no, I mean that
in whatever way is appropriate
120
00:04:52,026 --> 00:04:53,276
to this current...
121
00:04:53,313 --> 00:04:54,500
Thank you.
122
00:04:54,590 --> 00:04:56,265
Do you mind if I drink in front of you?
123
00:04:56,302 --> 00:04:58,555
If it's a trigger,
I can put it in a paper bag
124
00:04:58,592 --> 00:05:00,116
or just take nips in the bathroom.
125
00:05:00,153 --> 00:05:02,095
That's very considerate,
but, no, I don't mind
126
00:05:02,132 --> 00:05:03,298
if people drink in front of me.
127
00:05:03,432 --> 00:05:05,272
No, my only triggers are dive bars
128
00:05:05,309 --> 00:05:06,958
and the movies of Christopher Nolan.
129
00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:09,752
That's right.
You threw a whiskey bottle
130
00:05:09,772 --> 00:05:11,751
- at my TV during...
- "Interstellar."
131
00:05:11,788 --> 00:05:14,604
I mean, I just want to be told
the story of the goddamn movie.
132
00:05:14,641 --> 00:05:15,903
I don't want to get taught a lesson
133
00:05:15,940 --> 00:05:17,780
in how to solve the puzzle
of what the hell I'm watching.
134
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:20,708
Could I get a pint glass of
Chardonnay on the rocks?
135
00:05:20,745 --> 00:05:22,406
I know you don't do that,
136
00:05:22,443 --> 00:05:24,123
but really that just means
you haven't done it yet,
137
00:05:24,159 --> 00:05:25,135
'cause it's simple.
138
00:05:25,172 --> 00:05:27,342
You fill a pint glass full of ice,
139
00:05:27,379 --> 00:05:30,489
then charge me for your finest
bottle of Chardonnay,
140
00:05:30,526 --> 00:05:33,517
pour that bottle into the glass
till it hits the brim.
141
00:05:33,554 --> 00:05:35,318
Then keep the bottle handy,
'cause I need a buzz
142
00:05:35,355 --> 00:05:37,216
to make it through this lunch.
143
00:05:37,913 --> 00:05:39,933
I'm gonna make it worth your while.
144
00:05:43,380 --> 00:05:44,638
Wow.
145
00:05:44,715 --> 00:05:47,215
Oh, hey, I like Jules
with money and power,
146
00:05:47,367 --> 00:05:48,642
and I think the rest of the world...
147
00:05:48,679 --> 00:05:51,030
- I'm dating someone.
- I'm sorry?
148
00:05:51,296 --> 00:05:54,577
I say I'm seeing someone.
149
00:05:54,768 --> 00:05:56,099
Oh.
150
00:05:56,251 --> 00:05:57,672
Okay.
151
00:05:57,761 --> 00:05:59,078
Of course, you're great.
152
00:05:59,115 --> 00:06:00,726
I'm sure you met somebody great.
153
00:06:00,763 --> 00:06:02,113
- It makes sense...
- Someone you know.
154
00:06:02,203 --> 00:06:04,057
Really? Okay.
155
00:06:04,203 --> 00:06:07,325
Listen, new Jim, totally fine with it.
156
00:06:07,496 --> 00:06:08,984
We work in the same field.
157
00:06:09,021 --> 00:06:10,378
I mean, it was inevitable, right?
158
00:06:10,415 --> 00:06:12,858
It'd be weird if
I didn't know this, uh...
159
00:06:14,430 --> 00:06:17,171
- acquaintance?
- It's a good friend of yours.
160
00:06:17,700 --> 00:06:22,114
Okay, that narrows it down
to zero, Jules.
161
00:06:22,151 --> 00:06:23,699
No, I don't have any good friends.
162
00:06:23,736 --> 00:06:26,182
Unless you're gonna tell me
you're dating George Brett.
163
00:06:39,538 --> 00:06:41,194
I'm gonna need a top off.
164
00:06:41,441 --> 00:06:43,383
I'm dating George Brett.
165
00:06:44,354 --> 00:06:46,330
Jules, seriously?
166
00:06:46,418 --> 00:06:48,943
'Cause he's not a good friend,
he's my one friend.
167
00:06:49,070 --> 00:06:51,102
He's the only person
that sends me a birthday card.
168
00:06:51,139 --> 00:06:53,633
I mean, he's my goddamn
emergency contact.
169
00:06:53,696 --> 00:06:55,565
I know. That's how we met.
170
00:06:55,694 --> 00:06:58,224
He was used to getting
calls from hospitals
171
00:06:58,261 --> 00:06:59,556
and brothels around the world,
172
00:06:59,593 --> 00:07:01,092
and then you disappeared
for a whole year.
173
00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:03,370
He was worried. We all were.
174
00:07:03,433 --> 00:07:06,368
He reached out, and then we hit it off.
175
00:07:06,579 --> 00:07:09,631
Oh, so, I kind of
brought you guys together.
176
00:07:09,668 --> 00:07:10,905
- All right.
- In a way.
177
00:07:10,942 --> 00:07:12,858
- That's romantic.
- And you know I always
178
00:07:12,895 --> 00:07:15,152
had a crush on
Crocodile Dundee growing up.
179
00:07:15,189 --> 00:07:18,633
Yeah, well, George
is very Paul Hogan-esque.
180
00:07:19,613 --> 00:07:21,277
- Give you that.
- I had to tell you,
181
00:07:21,314 --> 00:07:23,533
'cause it's really serious.
182
00:07:23,570 --> 00:07:25,012
We're moving in together.
183
00:07:25,704 --> 00:07:27,635
Well, now that's surprising, Jules,
184
00:07:27,672 --> 00:07:28,984
considering that you never
185
00:07:29,021 --> 00:07:30,436
forgave me for leaving Morristown...
186
00:07:30,473 --> 00:07:32,402
George is moving to Morristown.
187
00:07:33,156 --> 00:07:36,232
Oh, get out of here. Come on.
188
00:07:36,354 --> 00:07:38,465
- Yeah.
- Okay,
189
00:07:38,502 --> 00:07:42,455
um, I need a little time with
this, but, um...
190
00:07:42,695 --> 00:07:44,999
- There's more.
- Oh, really?
191
00:07:45,354 --> 00:07:47,132
You're not even gonna
do me the courtesy
192
00:07:47,169 --> 00:07:48,356
of stabbing in the back?
193
00:07:48,393 --> 00:07:49,913
You're just gonna look me
straight in the face
194
00:07:49,949 --> 00:07:51,283
as you plunge the knife in, huh?
195
00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:54,101
It's not a knife, it's just my life,
196
00:07:54,177 --> 00:07:55,821
but, okay, I'll drop it.
197
00:07:56,694 --> 00:07:58,310
Thanks.
198
00:08:01,518 --> 00:08:03,259
What is it? What?
199
00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:05,615
He's up for a studio job
with Bob Costas
200
00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:07,480
on the MLB network.
201
00:08:08,145 --> 00:08:09,698
- Okay.
- So I figured,
202
00:08:09,735 --> 00:08:10,967
since you know Costas...
203
00:08:11,023 --> 00:08:12,485
I haven't spoken to Costas
since he got me
204
00:08:12,522 --> 00:08:14,326
cut out of "Ken Burns's
Baseball Documentary."
205
00:08:14,363 --> 00:08:16,680
Yeah, I know all about your interview.
206
00:08:16,717 --> 00:08:18,540
Yeah, an interview
which will never be seen
207
00:08:18,577 --> 00:08:20,943
in the definitive,
visual history of the game
208
00:08:20,963 --> 00:08:23,797
all because Bob Costas is
the world's smallest asshole.
209
00:08:23,948 --> 00:08:26,252
You... no, you want me to eat
a cold plate of shit
210
00:08:26,289 --> 00:08:28,749
and call him up,
all to get your new boyfriend,
211
00:08:28,786 --> 00:08:31,050
my best friend, a job?
212
00:08:31,252 --> 00:08:32,918
Never mind.
213
00:08:33,994 --> 00:08:35,132
I don't know why I even thought...
214
00:08:35,169 --> 00:08:36,736
All right, you know what?
I'm gonna do it.
215
00:08:36,773 --> 00:08:38,019
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
216
00:08:38,093 --> 00:08:40,251
- Why?
- Because the old Jim
217
00:08:40,288 --> 00:08:41,646
would have used this as an excuse
218
00:08:41,683 --> 00:08:43,356
to go on a bender and try to catch
219
00:08:43,393 --> 00:08:46,020
that super gonorrhea with both hands.
220
00:08:46,959 --> 00:08:49,004
But I'm new Jim.
221
00:08:53,236 --> 00:08:56,018
Thank you for supporting
Tampa baseball.
222
00:08:56,055 --> 00:08:57,559
During the game...
223
00:08:58,315 --> 00:08:59,995
You know, the only things
I know about George Brett
224
00:09:00,031 --> 00:09:02,634
are he is a hall-of-famer,
and, more impressively,
225
00:09:02,671 --> 00:09:04,256
Lorde wrote her song "Royals"
about him.
226
00:09:04,293 --> 00:09:05,493
Thank you for that fun fact, Gabby.
227
00:09:05,529 --> 00:09:07,697
You know what really
chaps my ass though?
228
00:09:07,734 --> 00:09:09,992
She had the balls, she had the cajones
229
00:09:10,029 --> 00:09:11,924
to ask me to do her a favor
230
00:09:12,033 --> 00:09:14,118
by calling up Bob Costas on the phone.
231
00:09:14,202 --> 00:09:15,794
So what's the big deal?
232
00:09:15,881 --> 00:09:17,610
The year's 1993, okay?
233
00:09:17,647 --> 00:09:20,592
I'm walking into an interview
as Costas is walking out.
234
00:09:20,629 --> 00:09:21,825
I say, "Hey, Bob",
235
00:09:21,862 --> 00:09:24,258
what kind of stuff does
Ken Burns want to know?"
236
00:09:24,353 --> 00:09:27,091
He says, "Oh, he's looking
for all the X-rated details"
237
00:09:27,152 --> 00:09:28,832
that nobody ever shares on camera."
238
00:09:28,869 --> 00:09:31,007
So I sit down in front of Ken Burns
239
00:09:31,126 --> 00:09:33,667
and I launch myself into this graphic
240
00:09:33,704 --> 00:09:36,826
and detailed history
of beaver shooting.
241
00:09:36,863 --> 00:09:39,603
- I don't know what that is.
- Most of baseball history,
242
00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:41,708
the players like
to sneak underneath the stands
243
00:09:41,745 --> 00:09:43,920
and try to find the women who
weren't wearing any underwear.
244
00:09:43,957 --> 00:09:45,159
It's kind of like bird watching,
245
00:09:45,196 --> 00:09:46,696
except, you know, for labias.
246
00:09:46,813 --> 00:09:48,809
So that's what you thought
Ken Burns wanted to hear?
247
00:09:48,870 --> 00:09:51,274
Just a tradition of low-grade
sexual assault?
248
00:09:51,311 --> 00:09:52,647
The point of that story was not really
249
00:09:52,684 --> 00:09:54,717
how Ken Burns' funereal tone
250
00:09:54,781 --> 00:09:57,265
sands over the profane aspects
of American history.
251
00:09:57,362 --> 00:09:59,638
The point is Bob Costas fucked me
252
00:09:59,711 --> 00:10:02,187
and didn't even have the
decency to finger my ass first.
253
00:10:02,224 --> 00:10:03,590
Wait, don't you always brag
254
00:10:03,627 --> 00:10:05,660
that you gave Bob Costas
pink eye in Sochi?
255
00:10:05,697 --> 00:10:07,695
Yeah, I definitely did that.
256
00:10:07,746 --> 00:10:09,749
So then you're even. Feud over.
257
00:10:09,786 --> 00:10:11,540
Now you can go help
the woman's who's heart
258
00:10:11,577 --> 00:10:13,818
I assume you broke over and over.
259
00:10:14,063 --> 00:10:15,257
It was just twice.
260
00:10:15,294 --> 00:10:18,536
All right, we're on in three,
two, one...
261
00:10:18,671 --> 00:10:21,108
Welcome, everybody,
to Port Charlotte, Florida,
262
00:10:21,145 --> 00:10:23,791
home today not only
of spring training baseball
263
00:10:23,828 --> 00:10:27,587
but to the 2019 South Eastern
Rodeo semifinals.
264
00:10:27,770 --> 00:10:29,344
And although it's only 10:00 a.m.,
265
00:10:29,381 --> 00:10:32,215
the broiling sun is reminding
us all that livestock
266
00:10:32,252 --> 00:10:35,283
are in fact defecating in very
large numbers out there.
267
00:10:35,355 --> 00:10:37,540
Smells so bad it
actually hurts my feelings.
268
00:10:37,577 --> 00:10:38,807
How about you, Gabby?
269
00:10:38,844 --> 00:10:40,140
Yeah, I don't know what's worse, Jim.
270
00:10:40,177 --> 00:10:42,602
That I can taste it or that
I've gotten used to the taste.
271
00:10:42,754 --> 00:10:45,397
Oh, definitely the latter,
but what's remarkable
272
00:10:45,434 --> 00:10:47,973
is that this stadium slash
animal toilet
273
00:10:48,010 --> 00:10:50,343
is somehow packed full of fans.
274
00:10:50,503 --> 00:10:51,899
Oh!
275
00:10:52,004 --> 00:10:53,626
Wow.
276
00:10:54,412 --> 00:10:58,347
We haven't had a sellout here
in, uh... ever.
277
00:10:58,511 --> 00:11:01,288
Never had a doubt.
278
00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:03,028
What's with all the phones?
279
00:11:03,434 --> 00:11:06,375
Augmented reality.
Future of live entertainment.
280
00:11:06,412 --> 00:11:08,174
A composite between the real world
281
00:11:08,211 --> 00:11:09,404
and the digital world.
282
00:11:09,476 --> 00:11:10,955
Right now they're all playing a game
283
00:11:10,992 --> 00:11:12,476
called "Beasts of Bedlam."
284
00:11:12,513 --> 00:11:15,989
They're using their phones
to battle and capture monsters.
285
00:11:16,026 --> 00:11:18,341
So I partnered with the creators
286
00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:22,022
and made the stadium
a realm of rare creatures.
287
00:11:22,126 --> 00:11:24,310
Video games on your phone.
288
00:11:24,534 --> 00:11:26,645
My fat grandson plays those
all the time,
289
00:11:26,682 --> 00:11:29,157
but what's that have
to do with baseball?
290
00:11:29,229 --> 00:11:31,485
You promised me fans for life.
291
00:11:31,522 --> 00:11:32,974
This...
292
00:11:33,275 --> 00:11:34,552
this is a gimmick.
293
00:11:34,643 --> 00:11:37,490
Top of the seventh, Ramirez
on to pitch now for Tampa Bay
294
00:11:37,527 --> 00:11:39,369
in what has been
a very strange ball game.
295
00:11:39,406 --> 00:11:40,933
Most of the crowd has been playing
296
00:11:40,970 --> 00:11:42,812
some weird game on their phone.
297
00:11:42,896 --> 00:11:44,291
Holy shit!
298
00:11:44,374 --> 00:11:46,380
A new character was just released.
299
00:11:46,417 --> 00:11:48,151
It's the baseball throwing guy.
300
00:11:48,263 --> 00:11:50,605
On the field. On the hill.
301
00:11:50,980 --> 00:11:52,229
Ramirez!
302
00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:59,238
If he strikes out the next batter,
303
00:11:59,290 --> 00:12:01,922
his character will buff 20%
304
00:12:02,004 --> 00:12:04,471
and become the most powerful monster
305
00:12:04,508 --> 00:12:06,037
in the M-O-B-A.
306
00:12:06,074 --> 00:12:07,831
- Is that the MOBA?
- Yep.
307
00:12:07,868 --> 00:12:09,477
The MOBA. My goodness,
308
00:12:09,910 --> 00:12:11,477
this is making me long for the days
309
00:12:11,514 --> 00:12:12,839
when I did commercial reads
310
00:12:12,876 --> 00:12:15,118
for the smooth taste
of extra tar cigarettes.
311
00:12:15,155 --> 00:12:16,771
Gabby, can you please tell me
312
00:12:16,808 --> 00:12:18,516
what the heck it is that I just read.
313
00:12:18,553 --> 00:12:19,870
If Ramirez strikes out Copeland,
314
00:12:19,907 --> 00:12:21,412
basically I'll never lose a game
315
00:12:21,449 --> 00:12:23,299
to my nieces and nephews again.
316
00:12:23,655 --> 00:12:25,543
That didn't clear anything up.
317
00:12:26,365 --> 00:12:28,088
Well, there's strike two.
318
00:12:28,144 --> 00:12:29,960
Why are they all going crazy?
319
00:12:30,263 --> 00:12:32,437
'Cause we just made the game
real to them.
320
00:12:32,641 --> 00:12:35,272
This'll be their favorite
memory of favorite their thing,
321
00:12:35,309 --> 00:12:36,774
and they'll be forever drawn to Tampa
322
00:12:36,793 --> 00:12:38,725
to see if we're as fun
as they remember.
323
00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:43,229
Nostalgia. Swing, and strike three!
324
00:12:43,266 --> 00:12:45,700
It's the most powerful drug there is.
325
00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:50,042
Come by tomorrow.
326
00:12:50,272 --> 00:12:52,817
I'll give you all the regular
season dates I can.
327
00:12:52,854 --> 00:12:55,287
Tomorrow doesn't work for me.
328
00:12:55,381 --> 00:12:56,722
- Really?
- I'm kidding.
329
00:12:56,759 --> 00:13:00,065
- I was just...
- Ah. Ah...
330
00:13:00,140 --> 00:13:02,458
I like money. I'll be there.
331
00:13:07,130 --> 00:13:10,226
Well, you did it, Jules.
332
00:13:10,330 --> 00:13:11,889
- I did.
- You did.
333
00:13:11,926 --> 00:13:15,094
Have you called George yet?
Tell him the good news?
334
00:13:15,598 --> 00:13:17,355
Yup.
335
00:13:17,751 --> 00:13:19,833
He doesn't really get the whole
video game thing.
336
00:13:19,870 --> 00:13:22,069
- I mean, he's from a different era.
- Yeah.
337
00:13:22,308 --> 00:13:24,329
I had to explain to him who Lorde is.
338
00:13:24,408 --> 00:13:26,591
You know that he inspired her
to write the song "Royals"?
339
00:13:26,628 --> 00:13:28,446
I heard that. That's very cool.
340
00:13:28,537 --> 00:13:30,281
You know, Jules,
what you did here today,
341
00:13:30,392 --> 00:13:32,634
that's one of the most amazing
things I've ever seen,
342
00:13:32,719 --> 00:13:35,798
and I once saw a triple play
end a ball game. Ha.
343
00:13:36,490 --> 00:13:37,689
Thank you.
344
00:13:37,952 --> 00:13:39,296
Hope you and George go out
345
00:13:39,333 --> 00:13:41,684
and just get drunk
as two skunks tonight.
346
00:13:41,857 --> 00:13:43,448
Nuh-uh.
347
00:13:43,985 --> 00:13:45,342
No, no.
348
00:13:46,345 --> 00:13:48,059
George is sober.
349
00:13:48,498 --> 00:13:50,272
Sober as in serious,
350
00:13:50,349 --> 00:13:52,795
like in how you would describe
a hardened pilgrim woman
351
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:55,581
named Goodie who watched
all of her children die?
352
00:13:56,198 --> 00:13:59,043
No, I mean, he...
353
00:13:59,144 --> 00:14:02,087
stopped drinking around
the same time you did.
354
00:14:04,533 --> 00:14:06,064
Will you excuse me for just a minute?
355
00:14:06,101 --> 00:14:07,519
Yeah.
356
00:14:25,852 --> 00:14:27,928
Everything okay?
357
00:14:28,888 --> 00:14:30,646
Hooooow dare you!
358
00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:33,754
How dare you date someone sober
who isn't me!
359
00:14:33,791 --> 00:14:35,863
All this time I thought
you were just too damaged
360
00:14:35,900 --> 00:14:37,026
to handle my sobriety,
361
00:14:37,063 --> 00:14:39,034
but now I see I was just
too young for you.
362
00:14:39,071 --> 00:14:41,037
Turns out you wanted to fuck your dad.
363
00:14:41,074 --> 00:14:43,276
- Okay, we're done.
- Sorry, Jules, well...
364
00:14:43,313 --> 00:14:44,638
I'm sorry. Jules.
365
00:14:44,904 --> 00:14:46,971
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
366
00:14:49,125 --> 00:14:51,299
Look, I said some
unforgivable things to you.
367
00:14:51,348 --> 00:14:53,811
Now you say some unforgivable
things to me... we'll be fine.
368
00:14:53,848 --> 00:14:55,192
I don't want to say horrible
things to you.
369
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:56,389
I don't want to say anything to you.
370
00:14:56,426 --> 00:14:57,626
Great, just keep talking about how
371
00:14:57,662 --> 00:14:59,117
you don't want to talk to me anymore.
372
00:14:59,154 --> 00:15:00,557
Holy shit.
373
00:15:00,795 --> 00:15:02,338
Look, can we at least talk...
374
00:15:02,375 --> 00:15:03,838
Oh, my God. Can we talk about
375
00:15:03,875 --> 00:15:05,484
what's going on with this loose pig?
376
00:15:05,635 --> 00:15:07,227
I mean, the rodeo left hours ago.
377
00:15:07,691 --> 00:15:10,546
Did it escape? Was it abandoned?
378
00:15:10,663 --> 00:15:12,414
Why is it wearing a pirate hat?
379
00:15:12,477 --> 00:15:14,828
No, seriously, I really feel
like if ever there were
380
00:15:14,865 --> 00:15:16,249
a worthy topic of conversation...
381
00:15:16,286 --> 00:15:17,862
If I broke up with George right now,
382
00:15:17,899 --> 00:15:20,302
would you even be capable of
having a relationship?
383
00:15:20,807 --> 00:15:23,349
Not at this point in my sobriety, no,
384
00:15:23,386 --> 00:15:25,474
but I did just get
a turtle though, so...
385
00:15:25,511 --> 00:15:28,395
So you want me to just
386
00:15:28,566 --> 00:15:30,566
keep putting my life on hold
in perpetuity
387
00:15:30,606 --> 00:15:31,914
while you get your shit together?
388
00:15:31,951 --> 00:15:33,784
I mean, how would that even work?
389
00:15:33,863 --> 00:15:36,755
Well, now, one scenario
that could play out
390
00:15:36,851 --> 00:15:39,169
is we start with one to two
phone calls a week.
391
00:15:39,206 --> 00:15:41,198
One to two phone calls a week?
392
00:15:41,235 --> 00:15:44,058
Are you insane? We didn't work out!
393
00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:47,192
You needed to get out
and pursue your dreams,
394
00:15:47,229 --> 00:15:49,730
and I had to stay
and try to salvage mine.
395
00:15:49,921 --> 00:15:52,028
I'm glad you're trying to get healthy,
396
00:15:52,065 --> 00:15:53,565
but let me be clear.
397
00:15:53,758 --> 00:15:56,191
We're never getting back together.
398
00:15:56,355 --> 00:15:57,784
Ever!
399
00:15:59,225 --> 00:16:00,367
Move the pig.
400
00:16:00,431 --> 00:16:02,292
Well...
401
00:16:02,902 --> 00:16:06,420
Holy shit, Jules, the pig's
wearing a different hat.
402
00:16:06,569 --> 00:16:08,395
Seriously, that's either
a different pig
403
00:16:08,432 --> 00:16:10,535
or he made a wardrobe change
all on his own.
404
00:16:10,572 --> 00:16:12,740
I mean, Jesus Christ. I really feel
405
00:16:12,777 --> 00:16:14,467
that we should put
our differences aside
406
00:16:14,504 --> 00:16:16,266
and focus on this pig situation.
407
00:16:16,303 --> 00:16:19,247
Move the pig, or I'm gonna run it over.
408
00:16:19,398 --> 00:16:20,464
Understood. All right.
409
00:16:20,501 --> 00:16:23,303
All right, Mr. Pig. Soo-ee.
410
00:16:23,454 --> 00:16:24,554
Move along.
411
00:16:24,705 --> 00:16:26,481
Hoo-ahh!
412
00:16:26,900 --> 00:16:28,716
Jules, please don't leave.
413
00:16:28,793 --> 00:16:30,372
I was ready to kill the magical pig.
414
00:16:30,409 --> 00:16:31,678
What do you think I'll do to you?
415
00:16:31,715 --> 00:16:34,022
I need you in my life, okay?
I need to at least know
416
00:16:34,059 --> 00:16:36,874
that if I called you someday
you'd answer the phone.
417
00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:39,286
What do I have to do to make
this up to you?
418
00:16:40,670 --> 00:16:43,276
George Brett is great,
but so are a lot of people.
419
00:16:43,313 --> 00:16:44,607
This is a big ask.
420
00:16:44,684 --> 00:16:46,536
Yeah, but don't you think
you kind of owe me
421
00:16:46,599 --> 00:16:48,401
after the whole Ken Burns thing, Bob?
422
00:16:48,438 --> 00:16:50,105
You know I only did that
423
00:16:50,148 --> 00:16:53,389
because you and Joe Buck
planted all that Swedish porn
424
00:16:53,426 --> 00:16:55,706
and a dueling pistol in my suitcase
425
00:16:55,743 --> 00:16:57,196
at the '93 All Star Game.
426
00:16:57,233 --> 00:16:59,104
Yeah, but that was really funny, Bob.
427
00:16:59,141 --> 00:17:02,350
The Baltimore airport police
didn't think so.
428
00:17:02,627 --> 00:17:05,218
Oh, yeah, that's why we
planted the gun.
429
00:17:06,745 --> 00:17:10,324
In all seriousness though,
done a lot of work on myself.
430
00:17:10,498 --> 00:17:12,967
I'm finally in a place where
I can admit to you
431
00:17:13,293 --> 00:17:16,065
that that was 100% Joe Buck.
432
00:17:16,261 --> 00:17:18,722
Joe Buck. I warned you about him.
433
00:17:18,759 --> 00:17:21,927
No, you were right. Not all
sociopaths are serial killers.
434
00:17:22,180 --> 00:17:24,529
- Punk.
- Punk ass bitch.
435
00:17:28,505 --> 00:17:30,605
Oh, God.
436
00:17:31,227 --> 00:17:34,035
You know, I forgot how delightful it is
437
00:17:34,125 --> 00:17:36,468
to share a meal with
a fellow raconteur.
438
00:17:36,619 --> 00:17:39,625
You know, one time I had dinner
with Dick Cavett.
439
00:17:39,662 --> 00:17:42,548
It turned into a two-week
river cruise of the Danube.
440
00:17:42,585 --> 00:17:44,910
We were on Peter Bogdanovich's
houseboat.
441
00:17:44,947 --> 00:17:46,811
Well, we should do this again
sometime soon.
442
00:17:46,888 --> 00:17:48,647
Aw.
443
00:17:49,120 --> 00:17:54,254
You know, I feel like I should
get something off my chest.
444
00:17:54,668 --> 00:17:57,471
Part of the program is we, uh,
445
00:17:57,560 --> 00:17:59,840
we make amends to people
we feel we have wronged.
446
00:17:59,877 --> 00:18:01,896
- Yeah.
- And uh...
447
00:18:03,717 --> 00:18:05,627
Bob, I was the one
who gave you pink eye
448
00:18:05,664 --> 00:18:07,326
at the Sochi Olympics.
449
00:18:07,550 --> 00:18:08,833
- What?
- Yeah.
450
00:18:08,910 --> 00:18:10,968
Now, you ever been to Ojai?
451
00:18:11,007 --> 00:18:12,589
They got a delightful bistro there...
452
00:18:12,797 --> 00:18:13,982
I don't understand.
453
00:18:14,044 --> 00:18:15,971
All the doctors told me it was viral.
454
00:18:16,008 --> 00:18:17,646
Oh, it was. Oh, it took some doing.
455
00:18:17,708 --> 00:18:20,241
I mean, I have connections
with the Russian Mafia.
456
00:18:20,677 --> 00:18:23,089
And... but the tough part was
getting into the second eye.
457
00:18:23,241 --> 00:18:25,865
You son of a bitch!
458
00:18:26,422 --> 00:18:29,083
I've won 28 Emmys, a Peabody,
459
00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:30,947
hosted who knows how many Olympics,
460
00:18:30,984 --> 00:18:33,380
World Series, Super Bowls, NBA Finals,
461
00:18:33,417 --> 00:18:36,065
and nobody gives a shit about
any of that anymore.
462
00:18:36,102 --> 00:18:37,678
But that's why I want to
make it up to you.
463
00:18:37,715 --> 00:18:40,746
After all I've done,
if you Google my name,
464
00:18:40,825 --> 00:18:43,784
the first thing that comes up
is pink eye.
465
00:18:43,942 --> 00:18:47,395
Before all the honors,
even before Bob Costas' feet.
466
00:18:47,538 --> 00:18:50,854
And as it happens, my feet
are goddamn delightful.
467
00:18:50,891 --> 00:18:52,576
Well, now, Bob, does this mean you,
468
00:18:52,613 --> 00:18:54,359
you're not gonna help out George Brett?
469
00:18:54,438 --> 00:18:58,122
Oh, no, I'm gonna help him,
and you know why?
470
00:18:58,233 --> 00:19:02,280
Just so that every day I can
think about how George Brett
471
00:19:02,351 --> 00:19:04,613
is satisfying your ex-girlfriend
472
00:19:04,708 --> 00:19:06,891
in ways you never dreamed of.
473
00:19:06,928 --> 00:19:08,107
So long, douche bag.
474
00:19:08,144 --> 00:19:10,420
Okay. Ow.
475
00:19:10,987 --> 00:19:13,212
Just because you put
hollandaise on a hot dog,
476
00:19:13,249 --> 00:19:14,868
it doesn't make it a Benedict, Steve.
477
00:19:14,905 --> 00:19:16,647
Good God.
478
00:19:17,654 --> 00:19:20,071
Oh, boy, George Brett.
479
00:19:20,251 --> 00:19:22,048
- How you doing, Jim?
- Oh, I'm good.
480
00:19:22,085 --> 00:19:23,267
Hey, I can't thank you enough
481
00:19:23,304 --> 00:19:24,727
for putting in a good word for me.
482
00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:27,768
- It means the world to me.
- Sure, George. Sure.
483
00:19:28,444 --> 00:19:29,741
We cool?
484
00:19:29,940 --> 00:19:31,828
Oh, yeah, we're cool, George.
485
00:19:31,939 --> 00:19:33,898
Did you really move to Morristown?
486
00:19:33,994 --> 00:19:35,883
Butler Heights.
487
00:19:36,017 --> 00:19:38,659
Ten miles out of town,
that way you're up on a hill
488
00:19:38,696 --> 00:19:40,684
and above that smell. That's smart.
489
00:19:40,721 --> 00:19:42,641
You always were the smart one, George.
490
00:19:42,678 --> 00:19:44,965
- You know how great she is.
- I do.
491
00:19:45,002 --> 00:19:46,258
That's why I want you to give her
492
00:19:46,295 --> 00:19:48,268
all the love that she deserves.
493
00:19:49,248 --> 00:19:51,817
- So we're cool?
- George, we're cool.
494
00:19:51,854 --> 00:19:53,090
Okay, buddy. Good to see you.
495
00:19:53,127 --> 00:19:54,721
Okay, you too.
496
00:20:03,269 --> 00:20:05,084
Hey, hey, you know who I just saw?
497
00:20:05,121 --> 00:20:06,436
Crocodile Dundee.
498
00:20:06,859 --> 00:20:08,863
It was George Brett, Gus.
Are you kidding?
499
00:20:08,900 --> 00:20:11,033
Oh. Hey, you know that singer Lorde?
500
00:20:11,249 --> 00:20:12,718
She wrote a song called "Royals"...
501
00:20:12,755 --> 00:20:15,012
I know. Lorde wrote the song
"Royals" about George Brett.
502
00:20:15,049 --> 00:20:17,702
I'm aware that the man's
magnetism was so intense
503
00:20:17,739 --> 00:20:20,041
that a single image of him
autographing baseballs
504
00:20:20,078 --> 00:20:23,316
was enough to inspire
a 17-year-old Kiwi goth teen
505
00:20:23,459 --> 00:20:25,736
to write the biggest single
of the 21st century.
506
00:20:25,803 --> 00:20:28,089
So glad I know it too, Gus.
You know why?
507
00:20:28,126 --> 00:20:29,551
'Cause every time I hear that song,
508
00:20:29,588 --> 00:20:31,105
which because it's a modern classic
509
00:20:31,142 --> 00:20:32,624
should be pretty much all the time,
510
00:20:32,661 --> 00:20:34,879
I get to be reminded about
how the love of my life
511
00:20:34,921 --> 00:20:37,580
traded up and is never ever
coming back to me again.
512
00:20:37,617 --> 00:20:40,654
Great talking to you as always, dummy.
513
00:20:41,159 --> 00:20:44,601
Hey, I just saw a guy who
looked like Crocodile Dundee!
514
00:20:46,926 --> 00:20:48,720
Open with runners in scoring position
515
00:20:48,757 --> 00:20:50,648
for the first time here this afternoon
516
00:20:50,685 --> 00:20:53,041
as Stubblefield looks at a fastball
517
00:20:53,078 --> 00:20:54,574
on the outside corner for a strike.
518
00:20:54,611 --> 00:20:56,224
2-0. Check it, 1-1.
519
00:20:56,261 --> 00:20:58,013
Sorry about that, folks.
520
00:20:59,072 --> 00:21:01,877
Breaking ball, missed outside
this time, 1-2.
521
00:21:02,203 --> 00:21:03,678
Just did it again.
522
00:21:03,919 --> 00:21:06,392
- Count's 2-2.
- 2-1.
523
00:21:06,987 --> 00:21:09,797
My goodness, three decades
of broadcasting,
524
00:21:09,834 --> 00:21:11,625
I don't think I've ever
butchered the count.
525
00:21:11,662 --> 00:21:13,003
At least not quite that badly.
526
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:15,483
Well, it's spring training
for broadcasters too, Jim.
527
00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:17,370
So it is. Thank you, Gabby.
528
00:21:17,629 --> 00:21:19,654
Stubblefield fouls that one
down the right side,
529
00:21:19,691 --> 00:21:21,228
2-1... no, 2-3.
530
00:21:21,265 --> 00:21:23,458
2-3? Doesn't even make any sense.
531
00:21:23,495 --> 00:21:25,320
Sorry, folks, check it. 2 balling...
532
00:21:25,373 --> 00:21:27,496
2 balls... and tiny...
533
00:21:30,196 --> 00:21:31,738
Jim, are you having a stroke?
534
00:21:31,775 --> 00:21:34,985
I wish. I think I have the yips.
535
00:21:36,802 --> 00:21:40,802
synced & corrected by PopcornAWH
www.addic7ed.com
40303
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.