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1
00:00:03,013 --> 00:00:07,165
- Come on, she's coming.
- She might not want this.
2
00:00:07,413 --> 00:00:11,122
There's nothing worse than
not celebrating a birthday.
3
00:00:11,333 --> 00:00:14,370
BILLY: Her birthday's two days away.
- Act natural.
4
00:00:14,733 --> 00:00:17,964
- That's natural?
- Get in there.
5
00:00:26,453 --> 00:00:28,011
- What?
- Nothing.
6
00:00:34,413 --> 00:00:35,607
Surprise!
7
00:00:36,413 --> 00:00:38,768
Surprise!
8
00:00:39,013 --> 00:00:41,163
You really shouldn't have!
9
00:00:41,373 --> 00:00:44,251
- Happy birthday...
- No! No!
10
00:00:44,573 --> 00:00:46,609
No happy, no singing.
11
00:00:47,253 --> 00:00:49,608
ALLY:
No! It's not my birthday yet.
12
00:00:49,853 --> 00:00:52,048
MAN: Ally McBeal?
- Yes?
13
00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:55,131
- I have a summons.
- A summons for what?
14
00:00:55,333 --> 00:00:57,528
A summons for you!
15
00:00:59,933 --> 00:01:02,891
RICHARD: Elaine!
- She'll love it!
16
00:01:03,093 --> 00:01:07,928
["IT'S NOT UNUSUAL" PLAYS]
17
00:01:32,013 --> 00:01:34,481
ELAINE:
Oh, come on, Ally!
18
00:01:37,133 --> 00:01:39,806
ELAINE:
Make it a happy birthday!
19
00:01:52,533 --> 00:01:54,285
VONDA SINGS:
I've been down this road
20
00:01:54,493 --> 00:01:56,723
Happy Birthday, Baby
21
00:01:56,933 --> 00:02:00,482
Walking the lineThat's painted by pride
22
00:02:00,693 --> 00:02:02,968
And I have made mistakes in my life
23
00:02:03,213 --> 00:02:06,888
That I just can't hide
24
00:02:07,493 --> 00:02:10,087
Oh, I believe I am ready
25
00:02:10,333 --> 00:02:14,042
For what love has to bring
26
00:02:15,213 --> 00:02:18,444
I got myself together
27
00:02:19,133 --> 00:02:21,806
Now I'm ready to sing
28
00:02:22,053 --> 00:02:25,204
I've been searching my soul tonight
29
00:02:25,453 --> 00:02:28,763
I know there's so much more to life
30
00:02:29,653 --> 00:02:32,725
Now I know I can shine a light
31
00:02:32,973 --> 00:02:35,931
To find my way back home
32
00:02:36,173 --> 00:02:40,610
Oh, baby, yeah
33
00:02:40,853 --> 00:02:42,332
Oh, yeah
34
00:02:54,773 --> 00:02:59,051
RENEE: What's the big deal about 28?
- It's two years from 30.
35
00:02:59,253 --> 00:03:03,246
At 15, I'd look at people who were 30
and think, "Die already."
36
00:03:03,453 --> 00:03:05,603
- And would they?
- I'm serious.
37
00:03:05,813 --> 00:03:09,169
I'm strong enough to confront
a certain truth.
38
00:03:09,373 --> 00:03:11,682
- What's that?
- I'm nothing without my face.
39
00:03:11,893 --> 00:03:14,009
- I see.
- It starts cracking at 30.
40
00:03:14,213 --> 00:03:16,681
The reason I look as young
as I do is...
41
00:03:16,893 --> 00:03:19,805
...I had the sense
not to smile growing up.
42
00:03:20,013 --> 00:03:22,004
And I stayed out of the sun.
43
00:03:22,213 --> 00:03:23,009
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
44
00:03:23,213 --> 00:03:26,922
No smiles, no sunshine.
Got it all figured out.
45
00:03:27,133 --> 00:03:30,250
Hello? Today? No.
46
00:03:30,453 --> 00:03:34,844
I don't care how simple it is.
I don't march into trial without...
47
00:03:35,053 --> 00:03:36,168
What?
48
00:03:37,933 --> 00:03:42,723
Henderson? Oh, yes,
I do know a little about this.
49
00:03:42,933 --> 00:03:46,130
Yes. Okay, then, I'll see you
there.
50
00:03:46,333 --> 00:03:48,927
Henderson? Mark Henderson?
51
00:03:49,133 --> 00:03:51,647
Guess who you're up against, twig?
52
00:03:53,453 --> 00:03:56,286
We'll have a party
in the bar after work.
53
00:03:56,733 --> 00:03:59,850
ELAINE:
I thought maybe we could do a number.
54
00:04:00,053 --> 00:04:03,728
If you want to be a performer,
take off your clothes.
55
00:04:03,933 --> 00:04:08,529
She's depressed about her birthday.
I've listened in on her calls.
56
00:04:08,733 --> 00:04:10,246
Good. Moving on.
57
00:04:10,453 --> 00:04:13,604
Henderson trial today.
How stands the Biscuit?
58
00:04:13,813 --> 00:04:16,646
Battery, yes,
but breaking and entering?
59
00:04:16,853 --> 00:04:18,684
- I agree.
- He used an open door.
60
00:04:19,373 --> 00:04:22,251
I doubt we'll settle.
Renee has the case.
61
00:04:22,453 --> 00:04:23,806
- What?
ALLY: Yeah.
62
00:04:24,013 --> 00:04:29,007
D.A. Loeb left the office.
Renee got the case, which isn't good.
63
00:04:30,173 --> 00:04:31,003
[WHISTLES]
64
00:04:32,293 --> 00:04:33,726
[WHISTLES]
65
00:04:35,533 --> 00:04:38,764
I know it's there.
It's a fashion thing.
66
00:04:38,973 --> 00:04:40,770
What about insanity?
67
00:04:40,973 --> 00:04:44,727
- A fetish doesn't make him insane.
- He's a perv, Richard.
68
00:04:44,933 --> 00:04:47,401
MAN: I heard that.
- Mark, hey!
69
00:04:47,613 --> 00:04:49,490
So I'm a perv, am I?
70
00:04:49,693 --> 00:04:52,730
Oh, no. That's a legal term.
71
00:04:52,933 --> 00:04:57,848
Perv: Protective evidentiary
retroactive... Vicky.
72
00:04:58,253 --> 00:05:00,926
- Vicky?
- Vidi, Veni, Vicky. Team motto.
73
00:05:01,133 --> 00:05:04,011
We'll win. John, Ally, meet with him.
74
00:05:07,773 --> 00:05:08,808
Hi.
75
00:05:13,693 --> 00:05:15,251
It was 3:32 a.m.
76
00:05:15,453 --> 00:05:19,366
- I have a clock on my nightstand.
RENEE: And you were awake?
77
00:05:19,573 --> 00:05:22,963
Not at first.
I was asleep when it started.
78
00:05:23,213 --> 00:05:26,762
Okay. I want you to tell
us exactly what happened.
79
00:05:26,973 --> 00:05:30,807
CHERYL: Like I said, I was sleeping
and then, at first...
80
00:05:31,013 --> 00:05:33,368
...I felt a draft on my foot.
81
00:05:33,613 --> 00:05:35,808
CHERYL: And then a tickle.
- A tickle?
82
00:05:36,533 --> 00:05:40,890
That's what woke me.
I felt this tickle on my left foot.
83
00:05:41,373 --> 00:05:45,730
CHERYL: I looked and the covers had
been peeled away, exposing my foot.
84
00:05:45,933 --> 00:05:48,811
- What else?
CHERYL: I saw a figure in darkness.
85
00:05:49,013 --> 00:05:53,609
I thought I was dreaming.
But as my eyes adjusted I could see...
86
00:05:53,813 --> 00:05:55,724
- What did you see?
- I saw him!
87
00:05:55,933 --> 00:05:58,163
CHERYL: That man!
RENEE: And what was he doing?
88
00:05:58,373 --> 00:05:59,965
- Tickling me!
- And then?
89
00:06:00,173 --> 00:06:03,324
I screamed as loud as
I could and he ran out.
90
00:06:03,533 --> 00:06:05,410
- Then what?
- I dialed 911.
91
00:06:05,613 --> 00:06:08,332
I told the police a man
tickled my foot.
92
00:06:09,213 --> 00:06:13,092
- This man was no stranger, was he?
- No.
93
00:06:13,293 --> 00:06:17,252
- You'd gone out on three dates.
- Even so...
94
00:06:17,453 --> 00:06:20,251
And your door wasn't locked, was it?
95
00:06:20,453 --> 00:06:25,527
- That gives him the right to sneak in?
- My point is, nothing was broken.
96
00:06:25,733 --> 00:06:30,249
- He opened the door and entered.
CHERYL: Uninvited, in the night.
97
00:06:30,453 --> 00:06:33,092
Ms. Bonner... Cheryl.
98
00:06:34,413 --> 00:06:35,732
During your dates...
99
00:06:35,933 --> 00:06:41,087
...didn't you tell him
that you liked foot massages?
100
00:06:46,213 --> 00:06:51,412
- You don't need this notarized?
- No. All four copies need signatures.
101
00:06:52,853 --> 00:06:57,051
It's not in my nature
to leech advice, but a pain here.
102
00:06:57,253 --> 00:07:01,212
- Could it be appendicitis?
- Could be. Get it checked out.
103
00:07:01,413 --> 00:07:04,052
- Do you check for appendicitis?
- At work.
104
00:07:04,253 --> 00:07:07,802
And for appendicitis,
you'd need to do a pelvic?
105
00:07:08,573 --> 00:07:12,122
I'm an ER doctor.
I get involved in emergencies.
106
00:07:12,333 --> 00:07:15,484
- So I should wait.
- All done here. Bye.
107
00:07:15,693 --> 00:07:20,084
For Ally's birthday, we're throwing
a surprise party at the bar.
108
00:07:20,293 --> 00:07:23,729
Some of us will sing.
You did theater in college?
109
00:07:23,933 --> 00:07:27,403
- I did.
- She'd be thrilled if you sang a song.
110
00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:30,969
- I don't sing much anymore.
- She'd so love it.
111
00:07:31,173 --> 00:07:34,404
We're having a jam thing,
rehearsal, today.
112
00:07:34,613 --> 00:07:38,401
She gets sad. You not
sleeping with her made it worse.
113
00:07:38,613 --> 00:07:41,571
- Excuse me?
- It would mean a lot to her.
114
00:07:41,773 --> 00:07:43,843
At least think about it.
115
00:07:48,133 --> 00:07:52,809
- Obviously, I'm mortified.
- What were you thinking?
116
00:07:53,013 --> 00:07:58,041
We'd just had our third date,
and things were going swimmingly.
117
00:07:58,253 --> 00:08:01,609
That gave you the right
to accost her foot?
118
00:08:02,053 --> 00:08:06,888
MARK: Well, she had told me that she
found foot massages to be erotic.
119
00:08:07,573 --> 00:08:12,363
And she also said that she
liked men to surprise her.
120
00:08:12,573 --> 00:08:16,122
She made both representations
in one sentence.
121
00:08:16,333 --> 00:08:18,244
I took this to be a hint.
122
00:08:19,653 --> 00:08:22,770
I'm not going to sit here
and be disparaged.
123
00:08:23,933 --> 00:08:26,652
A hint. She says she likes foot rubs.
124
00:08:26,853 --> 00:08:29,765
That's a hint to show up at 3:00 a.m.?
125
00:08:29,973 --> 00:08:34,444
I went to her house and said
to myself if it was a hint...
126
00:08:34,653 --> 00:08:38,202
...and if she did want me to enter...
127
00:08:38,813 --> 00:08:41,771
MARK:
...she would've left the door open.
128
00:08:41,973 --> 00:08:44,726
- So you drove...
MARK: I went up to her door.
129
00:08:45,333 --> 00:08:49,884
And I put my hand on the doorknob,
and I went to turn it.
130
00:08:50,453 --> 00:08:53,092
MARK:
And it turned. So I entered.
131
00:08:54,053 --> 00:08:57,363
I went into her room
and saw her there, sleeping.
132
00:08:57,813 --> 00:09:02,728
Her little feet were twitching
ever so slightly beneath the covers.
133
00:09:03,733 --> 00:09:07,692
MARK: Something inside of me said,
"Go. Go to her."
134
00:09:07,933 --> 00:09:11,369
And I did. I did.
I knelt beside the bed.
135
00:09:12,893 --> 00:09:15,361
I slowly lifted back the blanket.
136
00:09:16,533 --> 00:09:18,569
MARK:
Then I lifted back the sheet.
137
00:09:19,613 --> 00:09:21,171
MARK:
There it was.
138
00:09:22,133 --> 00:09:24,886
Oh, there it was, Your Honor.
139
00:09:25,133 --> 00:09:29,570
- Her foot.
- Not her foot. A specimen of a foot.
140
00:09:29,773 --> 00:09:34,085
The curvature of the arch.
It was a goddess... A goddess foot.
141
00:09:34,293 --> 00:09:35,521
What did you do?
142
00:09:35,733 --> 00:09:40,568
I had to touch it.
I had to touch it...
143
00:09:41,453 --> 00:09:45,651
...and I slowly extended
my index finger.
144
00:09:46,173 --> 00:09:47,970
I went to her...
145
00:09:49,533 --> 00:09:54,163
...and I began to digitally
caress her.
146
00:10:14,813 --> 00:10:19,967
If I'd known you stay out late,
I probably never would've hired you.
147
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:24,162
Well, tomorrow isn't exactly
the biggest of cases.
148
00:10:25,013 --> 00:10:26,844
I think I'll be okay.
149
00:10:28,853 --> 00:10:33,085
- I had another great time.
- Me too.
150
00:10:36,173 --> 00:10:38,607
Want to come up for some coffee?
151
00:10:38,813 --> 00:10:42,647
I would love to, but I got rounds.
Early morning.
152
00:10:42,853 --> 00:10:44,923
ALLY:
Is this guy gay or what?
153
00:10:45,133 --> 00:10:47,852
Well, thanks for walking me home.
154
00:10:48,253 --> 00:10:49,732
Sure.
155
00:11:00,613 --> 00:11:02,490
ALLY:
Definitely not gay.
156
00:11:02,733 --> 00:11:07,363
- Greg, come upstairs.
- Got those Pips snapping behind you?
157
00:11:07,573 --> 00:11:10,326
This is all me.
Come upstairs with me.
158
00:11:11,773 --> 00:11:12,842
You know what?
159
00:11:14,133 --> 00:11:16,601
I'll definitely take a rain check
on that.
160
00:11:26,773 --> 00:11:29,367
RENEE: How did it go?
- It was great.
161
00:11:30,653 --> 00:11:31,972
RENEE:
Good.
162
00:11:41,013 --> 00:11:43,766
ELAINE:
Yeah, that's the way I like it.
163
00:11:48,533 --> 00:11:53,004
I want more bass. When my hips move,
I want this room to quake.
164
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:57,047
The bass has to commensurate
with my sexuality.
165
00:11:58,013 --> 00:12:00,573
Give me a little snare on my wiggle.
166
00:12:01,453 --> 00:12:03,569
ELAINE SINGS:
I'm a woman
167
00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:05,770
W... Greg!
168
00:12:07,053 --> 00:12:10,443
Thanks, guys. Greg. Well?
169
00:12:11,173 --> 00:12:13,448
You think she'd really like it?
170
00:12:13,653 --> 00:12:16,804
She'll need the Bounty
"quicker picker-upper."
171
00:12:17,013 --> 00:12:20,528
ELAINE: Will you do it?
- I don't know. It's been a while.
172
00:12:21,173 --> 00:12:25,485
- Do you all sing like pros?
- I do. It's the thought that counts.
173
00:12:25,693 --> 00:12:29,481
If you're no good, I'll tell you.
I won't embarrass you.
174
00:12:30,613 --> 00:12:33,571
- Can I use the piano?
- Go right ahead.
175
00:12:38,053 --> 00:12:43,207
- The jury was rapt. They are with me.
- They were rapt because it was weird.
176
00:12:43,413 --> 00:12:46,450
Don't project your idea
of normal onto me.
177
00:12:46,653 --> 00:12:49,008
- Poughkeepsie.
- I dislike that word.
178
00:12:49,213 --> 00:12:51,647
- Please don't snap at me.
- What's up?
179
00:12:51,853 --> 00:12:56,722
- He won't let us argue insanity.
- I'm not insane. I like feet, so what?
180
00:12:56,933 --> 00:12:59,493
- So what?
- Men liking breasts is sane?
181
00:12:59,693 --> 00:13:04,369
I mean, to me, breasts are nothing
but fleshy lumps of fat.
182
00:13:04,573 --> 00:13:07,007
Now, a foot has character.
183
00:13:07,213 --> 00:13:09,488
- I like wattle.
- Excuse me?
184
00:13:09,693 --> 00:13:14,528
Neck wattle. The way it hangs.
If you like feet, you'll love wattle.
185
00:13:16,973 --> 00:13:19,533
- Are you making fun of me?
- He isn't.
186
00:13:19,733 --> 00:13:23,965
I love her, she had me arrested.
Do you think that's fun?
187
00:13:24,173 --> 00:13:26,482
Do you think that is great fun?
188
00:13:39,133 --> 00:13:40,805
- You're upset.
- I'm not.
189
00:13:41,013 --> 00:13:45,052
- Why are you acting like this?
- I get edgy before trial.
190
00:13:45,253 --> 00:13:48,450
- A curler pinched my hair nerve.
- Ally.
191
00:13:48,653 --> 00:13:51,963
Don't "Ally" me.
I dislike being "Ally-ed" by men.
192
00:13:52,173 --> 00:13:55,768
- You're angry I didn't go upstairs.
- What?
193
00:13:57,053 --> 00:13:59,362
- So?
- You think I didn't want to?
194
00:13:59,573 --> 00:14:02,371
What are you waiting for?
I'm almost 30.
195
00:14:03,213 --> 00:14:07,126
Oh, no. I read an article
about a remote African tribe...
196
00:14:07,333 --> 00:14:10,086
...where women have sex after 30.
197
00:14:10,293 --> 00:14:14,127
Sarcasm is a bad strategy.
Did you come to spew sarcasm?
198
00:14:14,333 --> 00:14:17,564
No, I came here to sign
my release papers.
199
00:14:17,773 --> 00:14:21,368
Fine. Elaine will help you.
I have to go to court.
200
00:14:34,533 --> 00:14:36,171
What are you doing?
201
00:14:36,453 --> 00:14:40,207
Bad day, so I'm splashing
cold water on my face.
202
00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:44,088
- You're not splashing it on your face.
ALLY: Of course not.
203
00:14:44,293 --> 00:14:47,649
If I did it, I'd have to
reapply all my makeup.
204
00:14:47,853 --> 00:14:50,845
Another thing about living
in a male world.
205
00:14:51,053 --> 00:14:54,523
We can't even splash
cold water on our faces.
206
00:14:54,733 --> 00:14:58,521
- Anything you feel like talking about?
- It's nothing.
207
00:14:59,253 --> 00:15:02,404
This client won't let me
argue his fetishism.
208
00:15:02,613 --> 00:15:04,569
If I could, I'd get him off.
209
00:15:04,773 --> 00:15:08,561
Of course, he could get himself off
by sniffing a shoe.
210
00:15:08,893 --> 00:15:13,171
You know, I had a plan, Georgia.
My whole life, I had a plan.
211
00:15:13,373 --> 00:15:16,126
At 28, I was gonna
take maternity leave.
212
00:15:16,333 --> 00:15:21,248
I'd be on partnership track
and home at night with my husband...
213
00:15:21,453 --> 00:15:25,651
...reading What to Expect WhenNursing and Trying Cases.
214
00:15:25,853 --> 00:15:30,973
Instead, I sleep with an inflatable
doll and have clients who suck toes.
215
00:15:31,653 --> 00:15:35,965
This was not the plan.
And you with your new haircut!
216
00:15:42,933 --> 00:15:46,130
Thanks. Thanks for letting me unload.
217
00:15:46,333 --> 00:15:47,766
Bye.
218
00:15:47,973 --> 00:15:49,884
GEORGIA: Ally?
- Hmm?
219
00:15:50,653 --> 00:15:54,885
What makes your problems bigger
than everybody else's?
220
00:15:56,133 --> 00:15:57,566
They're mine.
221
00:16:21,253 --> 00:16:24,325
- Ms. McBeal?
- Mr. Henderson, hey.
222
00:16:30,253 --> 00:16:32,209
- May I?
- Sure.
223
00:16:41,173 --> 00:16:42,765
I love her.
224
00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:48,250
I really do love her.
225
00:16:51,333 --> 00:16:53,369
Does that make any difference?
226
00:16:53,813 --> 00:16:57,010
Legally, no.
But insanity has legal meaning.
227
00:16:57,213 --> 00:17:01,525
- We'll win if we go with that.
- Depends on what we try to win.
228
00:17:01,733 --> 00:17:04,725
- Well, what are you trying to win?
- Her.
229
00:17:07,413 --> 00:17:11,770
See, if I take that stand
and if I say I have an illness...
230
00:17:12,373 --> 00:17:15,968
...the jury might let me go.
But then, so will she.
231
00:17:16,213 --> 00:17:20,172
- They can't make her take you back.
- But they can...
232
00:17:23,213 --> 00:17:27,650
Maybe they could tell her
not to condemn me.
233
00:17:31,613 --> 00:17:33,604
You invited them here?
234
00:17:33,813 --> 00:17:37,965
- This case should go away.
- This could be witness-tampering.
235
00:17:38,173 --> 00:17:40,243
- Lf you don't tell...
- Renee knows.
236
00:17:40,453 --> 00:17:44,924
- Will she drop the charges?
- That, I don't know. I have to...
237
00:17:45,253 --> 00:17:47,528
Ally McBeal, this one's for you.
238
00:17:50,333 --> 00:17:53,052
- What's going on?
- Birthday surprise.
239
00:17:53,533 --> 00:17:54,648
VONDA SINGS:
I can starch and iron
240
00:17:55,453 --> 00:17:56,932
Who thought of this?
241
00:17:57,133 --> 00:18:00,921
- You'll know. Listen, feel yourself.
- Feel myself?
242
00:18:01,133 --> 00:18:03,124
Potential theme song.
243
00:18:06,293 --> 00:18:09,046
Cause I'm a woman
244
00:18:09,253 --> 00:18:12,484
W- O-M-A-N
245
00:18:12,693 --> 00:18:15,048
I'll say it again
246
00:18:15,933 --> 00:18:19,892
I can rub and scrub till this oldHouse shines just like a dime
247
00:18:20,093 --> 00:18:24,245
Feed the baby, grease the car andPowder my face at the same time
248
00:18:24,453 --> 00:18:26,011
Get all dressed up
249
00:18:26,253 --> 00:18:29,723
- You've got to be kidding me.
- Aren't birthdays fun?
250
00:18:31,133 --> 00:18:35,524
Start all over againCause I'm a woman
251
00:18:35,733 --> 00:18:37,451
W- O-M-A-N
252
00:18:37,653 --> 00:18:39,928
Renee's never gonna believe me.
253
00:18:40,133 --> 00:18:41,930
- She will.
- What do you mean?
254
00:18:42,293 --> 00:18:45,410
RENEE SINGS: If you come to meSickly I'm gonna make you well
255
00:18:45,613 --> 00:18:46,807
Oh, no.
256
00:18:48,493 --> 00:18:50,643
I'm gonna break the spell
257
00:18:54,733 --> 00:18:59,648
If it's love you're lacking I'll kissYou and give you the shivering fits
258
00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:05,488
Woman, W-O-M-A-N
259
00:19:08,173 --> 00:19:10,004
I am drawn to that woman.
260
00:19:10,893 --> 00:19:14,966
W- O-M-A-N
261
00:19:16,653 --> 00:19:19,167
Cause I'm a woman
262
00:19:19,413 --> 00:19:22,485
W- O-M-A-N
263
00:19:26,693 --> 00:19:28,888
Cause I'm a woman
264
00:19:29,093 --> 00:19:34,008
W- O-M-A-N, Woman
265
00:19:38,573 --> 00:19:39,369
Yeah!
266
00:19:43,213 --> 00:19:44,328
Happy birthday!
267
00:19:46,453 --> 00:19:47,283
Whoo!
268
00:19:52,093 --> 00:19:54,368
Somebody should die for this.
269
00:19:54,853 --> 00:19:57,765
I wouldn't mind seeing you all die.
270
00:20:01,173 --> 00:20:05,212
I'm angry. It's a pretext
to get me to drop the charges.
271
00:20:05,853 --> 00:20:08,845
- I thought...
- Why was the spotlight on you?
272
00:20:10,653 --> 00:20:15,204
Tomorrow is my birthday.
If you would look at a plea bargain...
273
00:20:15,413 --> 00:20:18,450
- How old?
- 28. The D.A. And I could work...
274
00:20:18,653 --> 00:20:19,688
- Married?
- No!
275
00:20:23,853 --> 00:20:27,687
Cheryl, this man didn't harm you,
nor did he mean to.
276
00:20:28,213 --> 00:20:32,809
He scared me to death!
You try waking up with Dr. Scholl.
277
00:20:33,053 --> 00:20:36,602
It was totally wrong for him
to enter your apartment.
278
00:20:36,813 --> 00:20:40,965
Even with an invitation,
it's just something you don't do.
279
00:20:41,173 --> 00:20:45,052
- But this man isn't a criminal.
- He is a criminal.
280
00:20:45,653 --> 00:20:50,408
- He is a liar and a criminal.
- When did I ever lie to you?
281
00:20:50,613 --> 00:20:53,173
You lied pretending to be normal.
282
00:20:53,373 --> 00:20:56,843
And you're sick. You pretended to...
283
00:21:03,453 --> 00:21:06,365
Could we go someplace private?
284
00:21:08,173 --> 00:21:11,961
This isn't just some citizen's arrest.
You sound hurt.
285
00:21:12,173 --> 00:21:14,164
CHERYL:
I am hurt.
286
00:21:14,653 --> 00:21:15,847
Okay.
287
00:21:19,013 --> 00:21:20,162
Why?
288
00:21:20,973 --> 00:21:25,763
I'm sure a person like you meets
a lot of men, goes out a lot.
289
00:21:26,573 --> 00:21:27,722
I don't, okay?
290
00:21:28,813 --> 00:21:33,762
- I'm not sure I follow.
- Every guy, whatever reason: Loser!
291
00:21:34,013 --> 00:21:36,163
Or maybe I'm the loser.
292
00:21:36,373 --> 00:21:39,843
Let's just say it never
really happened for me.
293
00:21:40,053 --> 00:21:43,762
- When I met Mark, we just...
- Clicked?
294
00:21:46,253 --> 00:21:51,168
- We're both tipsters. He tell you?
- Sorry?
295
00:21:51,373 --> 00:21:55,525
You hear on the car radio,
"Just heard, Route 128 is jammed."
296
00:21:55,893 --> 00:21:58,361
CHERYL: The people who call in.
- Tipsters.
297
00:21:59,733 --> 00:22:03,362
He was the first guy
I ever thought, maybe...
298
00:22:04,093 --> 00:22:06,971
They say there's a somebody
for everybody.
299
00:22:07,173 --> 00:22:09,892
This was the first time I believed it.
300
00:22:10,453 --> 00:22:12,808
I even went to bed thinking it.
301
00:22:13,053 --> 00:22:16,887
Thinking how lucky I was
that maybe I found my man.
302
00:22:17,093 --> 00:22:20,051
Cheryl, he wasn't... He has a quirk.
303
00:22:20,253 --> 00:22:22,209
It's a sickness!
304
00:22:22,773 --> 00:22:26,163
I realize that I am no bargain, but...
305
00:22:26,373 --> 00:22:28,762
MARK:
Hi, excuse me.
306
00:22:29,853 --> 00:22:32,925
Do you think that I'm
confident with women?
307
00:22:33,613 --> 00:22:36,173
MARK:
I read the magazines. I read them.
308
00:22:36,413 --> 00:22:39,962
Cosmopolitan. There's these women...
309
00:22:40,613 --> 00:22:45,528
...wrapping themselves up with
Saran Wrap to surprise their husbands.
310
00:22:45,733 --> 00:22:49,692
And there's these women
with all these erogenous zones.
311
00:22:50,413 --> 00:22:52,722
MARK:
And, I'm just...
312
00:22:52,933 --> 00:22:54,764
MARK:
...trying. I'm...
313
00:22:58,653 --> 00:22:59,722
I'm sorry.
314
00:23:08,213 --> 00:23:09,885
This wasn't about...
315
00:23:10,133 --> 00:23:14,365
...you trying to be erogenous
or erotic, Mark.
316
00:23:15,093 --> 00:23:16,845
We both know that.
317
00:23:24,493 --> 00:23:27,166
- I can't dismiss.
- Cheryl wouldn't object.
318
00:23:27,373 --> 00:23:30,046
- This is about...
- My office would object.
319
00:23:30,253 --> 00:23:33,165
- It's his third time.
- What if he gets help?
320
00:23:33,373 --> 00:23:37,161
My office considers him
a serial sex offender.
321
00:23:37,373 --> 00:23:41,161
- It's not up to me. Where's Greg?
- He said he was coming.
322
00:23:41,373 --> 00:23:43,409
I know I will be.
323
00:23:43,973 --> 00:23:49,172
I realize that you have your
little office politics, but this...
324
00:23:49,373 --> 00:23:50,283
[DRUMROLL]
325
00:23:50,493 --> 00:23:53,530
One last surprise
for the birthday girl.
326
00:23:53,853 --> 00:23:55,844
Oh, now what?
327
00:23:56,613 --> 00:23:59,173
GREG SINGS:
Treat me like a fool
328
00:24:03,293 --> 00:24:07,127
But love me
329
00:24:16,693 --> 00:24:19,651
But love me
330
00:24:19,973 --> 00:24:21,611
Baby!
331
00:24:25,453 --> 00:24:28,047
My God!
332
00:24:28,613 --> 00:24:30,205
Napkin?
333
00:24:30,493 --> 00:24:31,972
You're turning me on!
334
00:24:32,173 --> 00:24:34,812
I'll be sad and blue
335
00:24:35,253 --> 00:24:37,813
Now, this...
336
00:24:38,373 --> 00:24:42,161
[WOMEN CHEERING]
337
00:24:48,413 --> 00:24:50,802
WOMAN:
Yeah! All right!
338
00:24:56,173 --> 00:24:59,449
Your heart
339
00:25:02,653 --> 00:25:06,089
Beating close to mine
340
00:25:06,693 --> 00:25:08,285
RENEE SINGS:
Don't
341
00:25:14,173 --> 00:25:17,643
Leave my embrace
342
00:25:22,253 --> 00:25:26,485
Here in my arms is your place
343
00:25:28,653 --> 00:25:32,612
When the night grows cold
344
00:25:36,533 --> 00:25:38,205
Baby, don't say don't
345
00:25:39,093 --> 00:25:42,927
If you think that this is
346
00:25:43,173 --> 00:25:47,246
Just a game
347
00:25:47,453 --> 00:25:50,604
I'm playing
348
00:25:55,053 --> 00:25:56,805
I mean
349
00:25:57,013 --> 00:26:01,370
Every word I'm saying
350
00:26:04,013 --> 00:26:05,605
Don't
351
00:26:07,173 --> 00:26:11,007
To the stars that
352
00:26:11,253 --> 00:26:12,766
Shine above me
353
00:26:16,413 --> 00:26:18,802
I am yours
354
00:26:19,013 --> 00:26:23,882
I will stay
355
00:26:40,213 --> 00:26:44,092
Love me, love me, love me
356
00:26:48,213 --> 00:26:49,805
MAN:
Sing it!
357
00:26:58,173 --> 00:27:01,529
- I didn't mean it like that.
- What did you mean?
358
00:27:01,733 --> 00:27:05,408
Somebody great was on stage.
I thought "upstage him."
359
00:27:05,613 --> 00:27:07,012
You upstaged me.
360
00:27:07,213 --> 00:27:09,408
- It was a song.
- It was harmony.
361
00:27:09,613 --> 00:27:14,607
- You did everything but hump his leg.
- It was a song! Sorry.
362
00:27:16,693 --> 00:27:20,891
- You must know I'd never cut in...
- The whole room saw you cut in.
363
00:27:21,373 --> 00:27:25,082
ALLY: Who are you trying to kid?
- I'm not interested in Greg.
364
00:27:25,293 --> 00:27:27,204
RENEE:
I promise.
365
00:27:29,653 --> 00:27:31,609
Even if I were...
366
00:27:32,213 --> 00:27:35,011
...you have to know
I'd never betray you.
367
00:27:35,213 --> 00:27:36,646
[DOORBELL RINGS]
368
00:27:40,693 --> 00:27:43,651
What do you know?
It's Sonny and Cher.
369
00:27:57,573 --> 00:28:01,885
- It was just a song.
- It was. The first song was to you.
370
00:28:02,093 --> 00:28:05,608
The second ditty stays
a little more etched.
371
00:28:09,053 --> 00:28:12,841
I guess I should celebrate
getting you in my apartment.
372
00:28:13,053 --> 00:28:15,487
Can Renee sing you into my room?
373
00:28:15,693 --> 00:28:18,924
I'm here to see you.
I find Renee nosy.
374
00:28:26,253 --> 00:28:31,008
I know I'm being stupid,
but I would probably feel...
375
00:28:31,253 --> 00:28:34,768
...a little less insecure if you...
376
00:28:34,973 --> 00:28:39,649
...I don't know, snuck into my room
and tickled my toes once.
377
00:28:44,173 --> 00:28:45,731
What is it?
378
00:28:46,013 --> 00:28:47,082
I...
379
00:28:47,573 --> 00:28:49,803
I took a new job.
380
00:28:50,253 --> 00:28:53,529
New hospital. It's in Chicago.
381
00:28:53,773 --> 00:28:56,810
- Oh.
- Yeah. Oh.
382
00:28:57,013 --> 00:29:00,449
I have been afraid
to walk down a road that...
383
00:29:00,653 --> 00:29:04,168
...ends in Illinois.
Not that it has to be over for us...
384
00:29:04,373 --> 00:29:07,809
But it wouldn't be smart
not to have a beginning.
385
00:29:08,573 --> 00:29:10,609
GREG:
I don't know what to say.
386
00:29:11,133 --> 00:29:15,172
The truth is, I think
I've fallen in love with you.
387
00:29:15,813 --> 00:29:18,168
You have. This is a sure sign.
388
00:29:18,373 --> 00:29:22,446
Men who fall in love with me
leave to promote their careers.
389
00:29:22,693 --> 00:29:24,411
I'd be running the ER.
390
00:29:25,093 --> 00:29:30,087
- It's such an opportunity.
- Stupid to pass up. I understand.
391
00:29:31,973 --> 00:29:35,010
Can I still take you out
for your birthday?
392
00:29:35,373 --> 00:29:40,447
No, I think you have blown out
enough candles for one birthday.
393
00:29:42,813 --> 00:29:43,609
Ally...
394
00:29:43,813 --> 00:29:46,566
I'm fine.
We weren't in a relationship.
395
00:29:46,773 --> 00:29:51,767
This is nipped in the bud.
Buds don't feel pain. I'm okay.
396
00:29:53,173 --> 00:29:54,845
ALLY:
But I am...
397
00:29:56,613 --> 00:29:57,682
...tired.
398
00:29:59,253 --> 00:30:04,202
And I need to write
this closing argument...
399
00:30:04,413 --> 00:30:07,610
...so I need for you to leave now.
400
00:30:10,133 --> 00:30:14,809
And thanks for the great song.
401
00:30:33,493 --> 00:30:37,372
["TELL HIM" PLAYS]
402
00:31:54,013 --> 00:31:57,403
RENEE: I'm sorry. I didn't mean...
- Stop blaming yourself.
403
00:31:57,613 --> 00:32:01,288
This has nothing to do with you.
He's an ER doctor.
404
00:32:01,493 --> 00:32:05,281
People get hurt in Chicago:
Gunshots, heart attacks.
405
00:32:05,493 --> 00:32:07,290
I can't compete with that.
406
00:32:07,493 --> 00:32:10,803
At least he didn't sleep with you
before telling.
407
00:32:11,013 --> 00:32:11,889
Yeah.
408
00:32:12,173 --> 00:32:13,492
At least.
409
00:32:13,853 --> 00:32:16,890
Did you want to sleep
with him once?
410
00:32:17,773 --> 00:32:22,289
Because I definitely blew that. He
wouldn't have told you if I hadn't...
411
00:32:22,493 --> 00:32:25,690
I'm fine. I'm used to getting dumped.
412
00:32:25,893 --> 00:32:30,011
Think back. This isn't pain
I'm feeling. It's nostalgia.
413
00:32:30,213 --> 00:32:32,408
Now, let's get to court.
414
00:32:47,773 --> 00:32:50,890
- What is that?
- Ice goggles. I invented them.
415
00:32:51,093 --> 00:32:56,008
Eyes get puffy in the morning,
especially while retaining water.
416
00:32:56,213 --> 00:33:00,809
- Out late last night?
- Well, with that number I did...
417
00:33:01,013 --> 00:33:04,892
- Can I ask you an ethical question?
- What?
418
00:33:05,093 --> 00:33:08,881
If you invite a dozen or so men
home with you from a bar...
419
00:33:09,093 --> 00:33:11,209
...and a good many actually show...
420
00:33:11,413 --> 00:33:14,610
...are you expected
to sleep with all of them?
421
00:33:15,613 --> 00:33:18,252
Gee, Elaine, can I think on that one?
422
00:33:24,693 --> 00:33:29,562
This isn't about feet or if it's okay
to be sexually attracted to them.
423
00:33:30,373 --> 00:33:32,284
ALLY:
This case isn't about that.
424
00:33:33,293 --> 00:33:37,366
It's about his entering
without being invited.
425
00:33:38,373 --> 00:33:43,049
It was stupid. Mr. Henderson pleads
not guilty by reason of insanity.
426
00:33:43,253 --> 00:33:45,244
Not legal insanity.
427
00:33:45,493 --> 00:33:49,202
But one that can actually be
much more powerful:
428
00:33:50,013 --> 00:33:51,241
Loneliness.
429
00:33:51,453 --> 00:33:54,968
Do you know what
the most common insanity is?
430
00:33:55,173 --> 00:33:59,803
It's the idea that love will come
to you, even if you do nothing.
431
00:34:00,053 --> 00:34:02,692
"The right one will come. Just wait."
432
00:34:02,893 --> 00:34:05,088
Who the hell came up with that?
433
00:34:05,293 --> 00:34:08,968
How many couples do you know?
How many friends do you have...
434
00:34:09,173 --> 00:34:13,769
...that you can truly say,
"The right one came along"?
435
00:34:13,973 --> 00:34:18,205
You talk to most people,
they'll say the right one got away.
436
00:34:18,773 --> 00:34:19,888
ALLY:
My point:
437
00:34:20,373 --> 00:34:23,604
Ask anybody what they want the most.
438
00:34:24,453 --> 00:34:25,488
It's love.
439
00:34:26,653 --> 00:34:30,009
ALLY: Personal happiness matters more
than our careers.
440
00:34:30,213 --> 00:34:32,852
Yet look at what we do with our time.
441
00:34:33,053 --> 00:34:36,011
Nobody works on their personal lives.
442
00:34:36,213 --> 00:34:39,603
We just assume that
it'll take care of itself.
443
00:34:41,173 --> 00:34:44,609
Well, sometimes, it doesn't.
444
00:34:45,773 --> 00:34:48,845
It wasn't happening for Mr. Henderson.
445
00:34:49,053 --> 00:34:53,808
And instead of letting things
take their course, he got assertive.
446
00:34:54,173 --> 00:34:59,088
Too assertive? No question.
He regrets it. But sometimes...
447
00:34:59,293 --> 00:35:03,206
...what you regret the most are
the things that you don't do.
448
00:35:04,493 --> 00:35:06,609
I'm a romantic.
449
00:35:08,853 --> 00:35:12,971
Truth be told,
I like to get my toes sucked.
450
00:35:14,453 --> 00:35:19,652
I had an old boyfriend down there
so long once, he loosened a nail.
451
00:35:20,853 --> 00:35:24,766
So what? Like Ms. McBeal said:
452
00:35:24,973 --> 00:35:26,645
"That is not the issue."
453
00:35:26,853 --> 00:35:29,048
The issue is his going there...
454
00:35:29,253 --> 00:35:32,484
...committing a non-consensual
sexual battery.
455
00:35:32,693 --> 00:35:35,002
That does not fly.
456
00:35:35,853 --> 00:35:37,206
Come on.
457
00:35:39,093 --> 00:35:43,006
Mr. Or Mrs. Right may not come along.
It's not that easy.
458
00:35:43,213 --> 00:35:48,412
But you do not get to improve the odds
by committing home invasions.
459
00:35:51,293 --> 00:35:53,204
Please!
460
00:35:58,693 --> 00:36:01,605
JUDGE: You've reached a verdict?
- Yes, Your Honor.
461
00:36:02,573 --> 00:36:05,007
Will the defendant please rise?
462
00:36:05,613 --> 00:36:06,648
JUDGE:
What say you?
463
00:36:06,853 --> 00:36:10,084
FOREPERSON: On the charge of
misdemeanor battery...
464
00:36:10,293 --> 00:36:12,488
...we find him not guilty.
465
00:36:12,693 --> 00:36:17,892
On the charge of felony breaking
and entering, we find him not guilty.
466
00:36:18,093 --> 00:36:22,006
JUDGE: Members of the jury,
thank you for your services.
467
00:36:25,053 --> 00:36:28,489
Thank you. Thank you very, very much.
468
00:36:29,053 --> 00:36:31,613
This is great, Mark.
469
00:36:32,413 --> 00:36:35,405
- But I do think you need counseling.
- Yeah.
470
00:36:35,893 --> 00:36:39,408
- Not that kind.
- Yes, I will. I will...
471
00:36:39,613 --> 00:36:40,648
Cheryl?
472
00:36:43,693 --> 00:36:46,890
Look, I know that
an apology won't help...
473
00:36:48,573 --> 00:36:50,803
...but if that jury can understand...
474
00:36:54,973 --> 00:36:58,045
Let's just try. Can we just try?
475
00:36:58,293 --> 00:37:01,012
Then, you know, after,
if you still...
476
00:37:01,613 --> 00:37:05,606
Hey, look. You tried
to put me in jail, okay?
477
00:37:05,813 --> 00:37:08,407
Now, if I can forgive that...
478
00:37:15,293 --> 00:37:17,807
Maybe we should go have some coffee...
479
00:37:19,373 --> 00:37:22,683
...and talk.
- Okay. Okay.
480
00:37:22,893 --> 00:37:24,611
MARK:
That would be great.
481
00:37:29,293 --> 00:37:33,684
I breathed through my mouth
for your closing. My nose whistled.
482
00:37:33,893 --> 00:37:36,805
- Maybe if you trimmed your...
- Ally?
483
00:37:38,813 --> 00:37:40,610
Talk to you a second?
484
00:37:45,413 --> 00:37:48,325
This had been in the works
before we met.
485
00:37:48,533 --> 00:37:49,727
I'm not angry.
486
00:37:52,253 --> 00:37:55,723
You'll love Chicago.
The people there are great.
487
00:37:55,933 --> 00:37:59,164
They have the best ribs
and the best cupboards.
488
00:37:59,373 --> 00:38:03,048
- The best cupboards?
- Everyone talks about their cupboards.
489
00:38:04,653 --> 00:38:06,644
Cubs. It's a baseball team.
490
00:38:07,373 --> 00:38:08,362
Oh.
491
00:38:11,013 --> 00:38:14,244
We don't have to say goodbye.
Who knows?
492
00:38:14,453 --> 00:38:16,125
- I could return.
- Right.
493
00:38:16,333 --> 00:38:17,925
- We'll keep in touch.
- Absolutely.
494
00:38:18,133 --> 00:38:19,612
Great.
495
00:38:21,173 --> 00:38:22,686
So...
496
00:38:25,013 --> 00:38:26,287
Good luck.
497
00:38:26,773 --> 00:38:28,411
You too.
498
00:38:58,173 --> 00:39:00,767
ELAINE: Congrats on the verdict.
- Thanks.
499
00:39:05,173 --> 00:39:10,372
- Did you get me anything?
- Did I get you anything?
500
00:39:10,653 --> 00:39:14,248
For my birthday.
Did you get me anything?
501
00:39:14,493 --> 00:39:16,484
A card, even?
502
00:39:17,013 --> 00:39:20,005
Hello? Are we forgetting
about last night?
503
00:39:20,653 --> 00:39:25,044
Did Jesus ask the little drummer boy,
"Did you get me anything?"
504
00:39:25,253 --> 00:39:27,972
That would've changed
the song's ending.
505
00:39:28,173 --> 00:39:32,212
So on stage, that was you
being the little drummer boy?
506
00:39:32,413 --> 00:39:33,846
Correct.
507
00:39:34,093 --> 00:39:36,926
Last night was the same
as every night.
508
00:39:37,133 --> 00:39:39,363
It's about you being noticed.
509
00:39:39,573 --> 00:39:42,406
These silly glasses. This is you...
510
00:39:42,773 --> 00:39:45,412
ALLY:
...wanting to be noticed.
511
00:39:46,693 --> 00:39:49,810
How long are you planning
on keeping this all up?
512
00:39:51,853 --> 00:39:53,081
Till I'm noticed.
513
00:40:06,093 --> 00:40:10,006
When I was in the 4th grade,
my best friend got a new bike.
514
00:40:10,213 --> 00:40:13,649
And she rode it around.
Everybody admired it.
515
00:40:13,853 --> 00:40:15,605
Admired her.
516
00:40:16,253 --> 00:40:18,813
My parents couldn't afford a bike.
517
00:40:19,173 --> 00:40:23,212
I even sold myself to the boys
at recess for a nickel.
518
00:40:23,413 --> 00:40:26,450
ELAINE: And I did save up enough
to buy a bell...
519
00:40:26,653 --> 00:40:29,406
ELAINE: To put on it,
if I ever did get a bike.
520
00:40:29,893 --> 00:40:32,202
Well, I never got that bike.
521
00:40:33,013 --> 00:40:36,005
But I made a lot of noise
with the bell.
522
00:40:36,573 --> 00:40:38,052
I see.
523
00:40:38,693 --> 00:40:43,084
I have as much entitlement
to happiness as you do to misery.
524
00:40:43,293 --> 00:40:46,012
I'm not miserable. I'm just...
525
00:40:48,493 --> 00:40:52,008
- I'm just not there yet.
- Me, neither.
526
00:40:54,773 --> 00:40:57,412
We just have our different ways...
527
00:40:58,253 --> 00:41:00,005
...dealing with it.
528
00:41:15,853 --> 00:41:18,606
Renee and I are gonna get some dinner.
529
00:41:20,213 --> 00:41:24,809
- You want to come?
- Oh, I'd love to. But...
530
00:41:26,213 --> 00:41:29,205
- Maybe next time.
- Sure.
531
00:41:31,813 --> 00:41:35,522
You know, Elaine, you really
were great on the stage.
532
00:41:40,893 --> 00:41:42,611
Thank you.
533
00:43:12,453 --> 00:43:13,442
OLD LADY:
You stinker!
534
00:43:14,853 --> 00:43:15,842
Subtitles by
SDI Media Group
535
00:43:16,013 --> 00:43:17,002
[ENGLISH SDH]
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