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1
00:00:02,070 --> 00:00:03,871
[ Groans ]
2
00:00:03,904 --> 00:00:06,006
Mnh! How can my babies
be early?!
3
00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:08,042
I've never been early
to anything!
4
00:00:08,076 --> 00:00:09,677
Maybe they're not mine!
5
00:00:09,710 --> 00:00:11,379
I've always been faithful
to you!
6
00:00:11,412 --> 00:00:12,680
[ Groaning ]
7
00:00:12,713 --> 00:00:14,648
Push, damn it!
8
00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:16,016
I'm not losing
another baby today.
9
00:00:16,050 --> 00:00:17,017
[ Flatline ]
[ Groaning ]
10
00:00:17,051 --> 00:00:18,018
Cardiac arrest.
11
00:00:18,052 --> 00:00:19,520
Crash cart!
12
00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:20,821
The shock
could kill the baby!
13
00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:22,156
[ Paddles whine ]
14
00:00:22,190 --> 00:00:23,557
That's something
I'll just have to live with.
15
00:00:23,591 --> 00:00:25,526
Maybe we could
turn off the TV?
16
00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:26,660
Clear!
[ TV shuts off ]
17
00:00:26,694 --> 00:00:29,397
Well, folks, I'm afraid
I have some bad news.
18
00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:30,398
Oh, my God, no.
19
00:00:30,431 --> 00:00:32,032
N-No,
not that bad.
20
00:00:32,066 --> 00:00:33,401
I'm sorry. I did not
think that through.
21
00:00:33,434 --> 00:00:35,536
No, you're not
giving birth today.
22
00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:37,371
You've had false contractions,
known as Braxton Hicks.
23
00:00:37,405 --> 00:00:38,406
It's very common.
24
00:00:38,439 --> 00:00:40,208
Uh, so what does that mean
timing-wise?
25
00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:41,209
It's no indication.
26
00:00:41,242 --> 00:00:42,710
It could be
five weeks from now,
27
00:00:42,743 --> 00:00:44,578
could be
five hours from now.
28
00:00:44,612 --> 00:00:46,380
I suggest
you and your husband go home,
29
00:00:46,414 --> 00:00:47,748
get some sleep
while you still can.
30
00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:49,917
Oh, we're not married.
We're just lovers.
31
00:00:49,950 --> 00:00:51,219
Ugh! Yuck.
32
00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:52,686
She hates that word.
33
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:54,054
Grosses me out, too,
34
00:00:54,088 --> 00:00:55,889
and I spend a lot of my time
covered in afterbirth.
35
00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:01,429
Everything okay?
36
00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:03,531
Um...
that was weird.
37
00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:05,533
Those little people
with the full-size baby?
38
00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:08,769
[ Chuckles ] No, when the doctor
called you my husband.
39
00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:11,038
[ Chuckles ] Well,
people are gonna assume --
40
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,707
No, it -- it was weird
because I...
41
00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:15,243
liked it.
42
00:01:15,276 --> 00:01:17,445
Seriously? Because I proposed,
like, six times.
43
00:01:17,478 --> 00:01:18,579
I know. I just --
44
00:01:18,612 --> 00:01:20,414
It seemed so old-fashioned
at the time,
45
00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:23,217
but when I thought
that the babies were coming,
46
00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:25,253
I-I...
47
00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:26,587
Are you saying
what I think you're saying?
48
00:01:31,159 --> 00:01:32,560
I'm gonna need
a little help here.
49
00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:33,761
Okay.
50
00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:35,129
Okay, we're good.
51
00:01:35,163 --> 00:01:36,764
[ Exhales sharply ]
52
00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:39,800
Dylan Stardust Marshall,
will you --
53
00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:42,069
Oh! Going over.
Okay. Okay.
54
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:43,404
I'm fine. I'm fine.
It's okay.
55
00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:44,605
[ Exhales sharply ]
56
00:01:44,638 --> 00:01:45,806
Will you marry me?
57
00:01:45,839 --> 00:01:46,907
Oh, my God.
58
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:49,477
This is exactly
how I imagined it.
59
00:01:49,510 --> 00:01:52,746
-- Captions by VITAC --
60
00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:00,354
**
61
00:02:03,291 --> 00:02:04,625
I can't get in!
62
00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:05,826
Damn it, Cam!
We need those tickets!
63
00:02:05,859 --> 00:02:07,094
Come on, refresh.
I am!
64
00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:08,962
Refresh like
your life depends on it!
I am!
65
00:02:08,996 --> 00:02:10,631
Tonight is
the L.A. premiere
66
00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:13,301
of "Sophie's Choice:
The Musical."
67
00:02:13,334 --> 00:02:14,802
And [Sighs] it sold out
in seconds,
68
00:02:14,835 --> 00:02:17,305
but the theater reserved
a few amazing house seats
69
00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:18,506
for an online lottery.
70
00:02:18,539 --> 00:02:19,773
And there's a rumor
71
00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:22,009
Meryl Streep is going to be
in the audience.
72
00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:24,812
Oh, my God.
You have to feel for that
poor actress playing Sophie.
73
00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:27,448
It'd be like me sewing costumes
in front of Bob Mackie.
74
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:30,951
And the award for the gayest
thing ever said goes to...
75
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:31,952
I'm in!
You are?!
76
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:32,653
We have seats!
Oh, my God!
77
00:02:32,686 --> 00:02:34,021
Oh, oh!
78
00:02:34,054 --> 00:02:35,323
Focus, focus.
Okay, all right.
79
00:02:35,356 --> 00:02:36,857
Okay, it's one of those
ticking clock things.
80
00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:39,360
That's fine. We just need
my...credit card.
81
00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:40,461
Where's my wallet?
Where -- Where's my wall--
82
00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:42,330
Where's my wallet?!
Seriously? Again?
83
00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:43,831
Cam, you have to leave it
in one place!
84
00:02:43,864 --> 00:02:44,798
I told you
a thousand times!
85
00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:46,133
Really? Now?
86
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,335
Okay, just use
your credit card.
87
00:02:47,368 --> 00:02:48,336
[ Groans ]
88
00:02:48,369 --> 00:02:49,470
That's weird.
89
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:51,539
Okay. I'm gonna be sick.
I'm gonna be sick!
90
00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:53,974
Here -- use mine.
Oh! Thank you, sweetie.
91
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,209
Okay.
Okay. All right.
92
00:02:55,243 --> 00:02:57,144
[ Muttering ]
93
00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:58,379
Is this a sign?
94
00:02:58,412 --> 00:02:59,480
Yes! We are meant
to see the show!
95
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:01,014
No, it's one of those
CAPTCHA things.
96
00:03:01,048 --> 00:03:01,982
Is that
a road sign?!
97
00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:03,317
Yes!
I don't know.
98
00:03:03,351 --> 00:03:04,352
Yes.
99
00:03:04,385 --> 00:03:05,519
[ Ding ]
Oh! Ohh!Aah!
100
00:03:05,553 --> 00:03:07,154
[ Laughing ]
Oh, my God!
101
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,223
Oh, thank you, sweetie.
You saved us.
102
00:03:09,257 --> 00:03:10,724
It's fine.
I needed the miles.
103
00:03:10,758 --> 00:03:11,725
Thank you.
104
00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:13,327
Where's she off to?
105
00:03:13,361 --> 00:03:14,695
I'm sure it's fine.
Okay.
106
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,666
How about this one?
107
00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:19,833
You look gorgeous.
108
00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:21,335
Now, remember --
109
00:03:21,369 --> 00:03:22,503
Okay, this is not
my first time
110
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,171
impressing
your business associates.
111
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:25,506
I know the drill.
112
00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,741
Laugh at their jokes,
touch their arms...
113
00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:28,909
Yeah, and if
he pees on the floor,
114
00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:29,910
don't make
a big deal out of it.
115
00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:31,512
What is happening?
116
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,013
I quit the closet game
117
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:36,517
to become the king
of high-end, whimsical dog beds.
118
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,852
And to market them today,
I'm hosting
119
00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:41,689
social-media influencer
Arthur Goodboy.
120
00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:42,890
This little stud
121
00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:46,093
has over 5 million followers
on the Instagram.
122
00:03:46,126 --> 00:03:49,363
One photo of him with a product
can be a game-changer.
123
00:03:49,397 --> 00:03:52,433
You made me change three times
for a dog?
124
00:03:52,466 --> 00:03:53,901
He cannot even
see this color!
125
00:03:53,934 --> 00:03:54,935
They can sense
the effort!
126
00:03:54,968 --> 00:03:57,070
[ Doorbell rings ]
127
00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:01,409
Welcome! Welcome.
I'm Jay Pritchett.
128
00:04:01,442 --> 00:04:03,444
Hello.
This is my wife,
Gloria.
129
00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:04,445
Hello.
130
00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:06,213
Orson Funt.
131
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:08,048
I'm sure everyone knows
Arthur Goodboy.
132
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:11,218
Who doesn't? And I must admit,
I'm a little starstruck.
133
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:12,420
[ Chuckles ]
Don't be.
134
00:04:12,453 --> 00:04:13,954
He puts on his sweaters
one leg at a time.
135
00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:15,956
[ Laughter ]
136
00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:18,225
And this is Stella
of Dog Beds by Stella,
137
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:19,793
but I do
most of the design.
138
00:04:21,295 --> 00:04:22,930
Well. She is beautiful
for a non-pro.
139
00:04:22,963 --> 00:04:23,931
May I?
140
00:04:23,964 --> 00:04:25,399
Here you go.
Yes.
141
00:04:25,433 --> 00:04:26,400
May I?
Oh, yeah.
142
00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:27,901
Thank you.
Oh, yes.
143
00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:30,070
Present!
Present.
144
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:31,572
Who's a lovely lady?
[ Giggles ]
145
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:32,640
Who's a lovely lady?
146
00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:34,775
Who's an elegant boy?
Who's an influencer?
147
00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:36,610
Ooh, you are!
You are!
148
00:04:36,644 --> 00:04:38,412
[ Laughs ]
Who's an influencer?
You are!
149
00:04:38,446 --> 00:04:40,748
You want to see
the dog beds?
150
00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,115
Yes.
Follow me.
151
00:04:43,517 --> 00:04:44,918
He's a good father.
152
00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:46,153
He's a good father.
153
00:04:51,492 --> 00:04:54,161
Sir...
154
00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:55,663
a dog in a pineapple?
[ Laughs ]
155
00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:57,465
Love!
156
00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:58,999
I call that one
"Puppy Colada."
157
00:04:59,032 --> 00:04:59,933
Stop!
158
00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:00,934
Yes, stop.
159
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:02,135
[ Laughs ]
160
00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:04,171
So, what do you say?
Are we in business?
161
00:05:04,204 --> 00:05:05,172
[ Laughing ] Oh!
162
00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:06,607
Oh, down boy.
163
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,442
I like to make sure
that Arthur Goodboy
164
00:05:08,476 --> 00:05:10,944
really loves the product
before we do any endorsements.
165
00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:12,279
If we said yes
to everything,
166
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:13,947
then we're no better
than that whore Grumpy Cat.
167
00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:15,516
Here, try this one.
168
00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:17,618
Okay,
Mr. Arthur Goodboy.
169
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,787
Why don't you just
trot yourself right in there
170
00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:21,021
and take a load off?
171
00:05:21,054 --> 00:05:22,690
[ Arthur whines ]
Hm.
172
00:05:22,723 --> 00:05:25,793
You know, he just woke up
from a nap, so...
173
00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:28,662
he will probably tucker out
in a couple of hours.
174
00:05:28,696 --> 00:05:30,698
It's cool, 'cause I have
nowhere I need to be.
175
00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:31,999
You don't say.
176
00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:32,866
Oh, it's spacious.
177
00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:36,537
Haley?
178
00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:37,538
Over here!
179
00:05:37,571 --> 00:05:38,639
[ Rustling ]
180
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:39,707
Mom's not with you,
right?
181
00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:40,708
No.
182
00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:41,709
What's going on?
183
00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:42,976
What could you
have possibly done
184
00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:44,177
that's worse
than getting pregnant?
185
00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:46,013
Well, Dylan and I
are eloping,
186
00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:47,715
and we want you
to be the witness.
187
00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:49,983
[ Gasps ]
Oh, my God! Yes!
188
00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:52,720
Oh, I can't even tell you
how special this makes me feel.
189
00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:54,555
I will not tell anyone.
I --
190
00:05:54,588 --> 00:05:56,557
Wait. Why eloping?
Why not a wedding?
191
00:05:56,590 --> 00:05:57,825
We just want it
to be simple and quick.
192
00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:59,493
And no drama.
193
00:05:59,527 --> 00:06:01,161
Guess that
eliminates Mom.
Yeah. [ Chuckles ]
194
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:02,530
What eliminates Mom?
195
00:06:02,563 --> 00:06:04,197
Oh, um...
[ Chuckles nervously ]
196
00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:06,500
You know, uh -- You know, it --
it's so funny when --
197
00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:08,702
when people do such,
um, funny --
198
00:06:08,736 --> 00:06:11,171
You know,
the story is so short,
199
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:12,039
but it -- it --
it would be so long --
Enough, enough.
200
00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:13,707
I cannot watch this.
201
00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:15,909
Aw. I felt like she was
building to something.
202
00:06:15,943 --> 00:06:19,580
Dylan and I are going to
the courthouse to get married.
203
00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:22,516
Wow.
204
00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:23,851
It's nothing personal,
you know?
205
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,253
It's just...right now,
the last thing we want
206
00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:28,355
is it to turn into
a big production.
207
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:31,258
Well, honey,
if that's what you want,
208
00:06:31,291 --> 00:06:34,227
as your mother, obviously,
it's incredibly painful,
209
00:06:34,261 --> 00:06:36,530
but that --
that's none of your concern.
210
00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:39,099
I just hope you have a wedding
that's every bit
211
00:06:39,132 --> 00:06:42,269
as wonderful and beautiful
as I always imagined.
212
00:06:42,302 --> 00:06:44,738
You know -- when I was
gonna be part of it.
213
00:06:46,474 --> 00:06:47,541
I knew she'd be cool.
214
00:06:47,575 --> 00:06:48,542
Yeah!
Let's roll.
215
00:06:48,576 --> 00:06:50,611
Mom seemed
pretty bummed about it,
216
00:06:50,644 --> 00:06:51,779
but, you know,
this is what we want.
217
00:06:51,812 --> 00:06:52,613
Totally!
218
00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:55,115
Damn it!
[ Sighs ]
219
00:06:55,148 --> 00:06:56,750
[ Door opens ]
220
00:06:56,784 --> 00:06:59,653
How could you do this
to your mother?
221
00:07:02,322 --> 00:07:04,725
Ugh. What's taking them
so long?
222
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:05,959
I know. It's, like, this wedding
isn't about them.
223
00:07:05,993 --> 00:07:07,461
[ Ringtone plays ]
It's about you and Dylan
and me!
224
00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:08,562
Phil: Coming!
225
00:07:08,596 --> 00:07:10,063
So sorry. [ Laughs ]
226
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:11,298
Claire:
And don't worry, Haley.
227
00:07:11,331 --> 00:07:15,268
I promise you will hardly know
we are there at all.
228
00:07:15,302 --> 00:07:16,737
What? You're dressed nicer
than me.
229
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,405
Well, I wasn't gonna say
anything, but are you sure
230
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,140
that's the outfit you want
for your special day?
231
00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:22,442
It's Haley's wedding. She can
dress as bad as she wants.
232
00:07:22,476 --> 00:07:23,443
Right.
233
00:07:23,477 --> 00:07:24,778
Who died?
234
00:07:24,812 --> 00:07:26,113
Haley and Dylan
are getting married.
235
00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:27,615
Dressed like that?
236
00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:29,082
Now I have to
invite Luke?
237
00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:30,283
Not if
you don't want to.
238
00:07:30,317 --> 00:07:31,819
This feels great.
239
00:07:31,852 --> 00:07:34,488
Okay, that is it.
Luke, but no one else.
240
00:07:34,522 --> 00:07:36,757
Hey, so, my mom found out
your parents are coming,
241
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,492
'cause I told her,
and now she's on her way.
242
00:07:38,526 --> 00:07:40,093
And Grandpa's coming.
243
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:41,595
You guys
are gonna love him.
244
00:07:41,629 --> 00:07:42,930
Oh, but if he asks you
to kill him, don't.
245
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:43,831
Ugh!
246
00:07:43,864 --> 00:07:45,165
I know
what you're thinking.
247
00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:46,600
That is a lot of people
248
00:07:46,634 --> 00:07:48,769
for a small, impersonal room
at the courthouse,
249
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:51,505
and we are
on the same page.
250
00:07:51,539 --> 00:07:53,941
So...why don't we
just do it here?
251
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:56,644
I'm ordained.
I can perform the ceremony.
252
00:07:56,677 --> 00:07:58,278
That is
such a great idea!
253
00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:00,280
That way,
it's easy and intimate.
254
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:01,682
I mean, that's
what you wanted, right?
255
00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:03,617
So, go down
to the courthouse,
256
00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:05,686
get your marriage license,
come back here,
257
00:08:05,719 --> 00:08:07,487
and we'll all
be waiting.
258
00:08:07,521 --> 00:08:09,456
Fine.
But let's go now.
259
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,024
I'm starving, and they make
a great soft pretzel
260
00:08:11,058 --> 00:08:12,192
at the courthouse
snack shop.
261
00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:13,193
How do you
know that?
262
00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:14,828
I can still elope.
263
00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:15,963
[ Quietly ]
Don't you ruin this for me.
264
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,698
It's fine.
It's fine.
265
00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:20,801
Wait.
[ Door closes ]
266
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,469
If Dylan's bringing
his grandfather,
267
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:24,204
that means we have to invite
Dad and Gloria, right?
268
00:08:24,237 --> 00:08:25,873
I think so, yeah.
269
00:08:25,906 --> 00:08:27,641
But he probably won't show.
Jay hates last-minute plans.
270
00:08:27,675 --> 00:08:29,643
He'll be like, [As Jay]
"Oh, geez, why don't
they just elope?"
271
00:08:29,677 --> 00:08:30,377
Hm.
272
00:08:30,410 --> 00:08:31,679
Luke: Grandpa?
273
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:34,014
[ Footsteps departing ]
274
00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:36,216
Who's a goody-woody boy?
275
00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:38,151
Who's a sleepy boy?
276
00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:39,720
I never thought
I'd say this,
277
00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:42,322
but I miss
Jay's toxic masculinity.
278
00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:44,191
At least he's not
your real father.
279
00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:45,325
[ Telephone ringing ]
280
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,394
I'll get it!I got it!
I'll get it!
281
00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:48,662
[ Telephone beeps ]
282
00:08:48,696 --> 00:08:50,163
Hello?
Claire: Hey, Gloria.
283
00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:53,033
Haley and Dylan decided
to get married this afternoon,
284
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:55,368
and I know Dad's got
that dog-bed thing,
285
00:08:55,402 --> 00:08:57,671
so absolutely no pressure.
286
00:08:57,705 --> 00:08:59,840
Yes. We will be there
as soon as we can.
287
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:00,841
[ Telephone beeps ]
288
00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:02,843
Jay, I am so sorry
to break up
289
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:05,512
this really fun
and super normal party,
290
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:08,716
but Dylan and Haley decided
to get married right now,
291
00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:10,684
and Claire
wants us there.
292
00:09:10,718 --> 00:09:12,686
Oh, geez,
why don't they just elope?
293
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:16,189
Actually, Arthur Goodboy
loves weddings,
294
00:09:16,223 --> 00:09:18,391
and his followers have been
dying to see him in his new tux.
295
00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:20,527
I-I can bring a bed
in case he gets tired.
296
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:21,528
Ooh!
297
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,063
[ Arthur barks ]
298
00:09:23,096 --> 00:09:25,532
Ooh, look.
Somebody's got a crush.
299
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:27,701
Would Miss Stella
do us the honor
300
00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:29,569
of escorting Arthur Goodboy
to the wedding?!
301
00:09:29,603 --> 00:09:32,305
Gosh, yes!
A thousand times yes!
302
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:36,109
[ Chuckling ]
303
00:09:36,143 --> 00:09:37,277
Well. You're not
gonna believe this.
304
00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:38,578
They're coming.
305
00:09:38,612 --> 00:09:39,713
Well, if they're coming,
does that mean
306
00:09:39,747 --> 00:09:40,781
we need to invite
Mitch and Cam?
307
00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:43,383
Ooh. Imagine the drama
if we didn't.
308
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:44,584
* Who should I choose?
309
00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:46,453
* Either way, I lose
310
00:09:46,486 --> 00:09:47,888
* I stare at the gun
311
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:49,556
* Is it daughter,
is it son? *
312
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:50,958
* Choices
313
00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:51,959
* Impossible choices
* Choices
314
00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:53,393
* Impossible choices
* Impossible
315
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:54,895
Both: * Choices
316
00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:56,396
This is why
I can't have friends over.
317
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:57,430
Okay.
318
00:09:57,464 --> 00:09:58,465
Somebody
just snarked her way
319
00:09:58,498 --> 00:09:59,466
out of
a "Sophie's Choice" hoodie!
320
00:09:59,499 --> 00:10:00,467
That's right.
321
00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:01,969
[ Cellphone rings ]
322
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:03,603
[ Cellphone beeps ]
Hey, Claire. What's up?
323
00:10:03,637 --> 00:10:06,073
So, Haley and Dylan
decided to get married,
324
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:07,941
and they'd be devastated
if you weren't there.
325
00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:09,743
Oh, of course! We wouldn't
miss it for the world!
326
00:10:09,777 --> 00:10:10,811
Just tell us when.
327
00:10:10,844 --> 00:10:12,412
In about an hour.
328
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,147
Oh, my -- Um...
Hey, uh, let --
329
00:10:14,181 --> 00:10:15,983
let me call you right back,
okay?
[ Cellphone beeps ]
330
00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:17,250
Are you kidding me?!
331
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:18,986
I know! What do we do --
a musical or the wedding?
332
00:10:19,019 --> 00:10:20,253
It's the cruelest
decision
333
00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:21,789
anyone's ever
been forced to make.
334
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:24,424
[ Door opens ]
335
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,459
Hello? We are here!
336
00:10:26,493 --> 00:10:27,828
Hi.
337
00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:29,129
Hi! Wow!
338
00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:30,430
What is all this?
339
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:31,631
[ Chuckling ]
Hey, Claire.
340
00:10:31,665 --> 00:10:32,933
This is Orson
341
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:35,302
and, of course,
Arthur Goodboy.
342
00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:37,137
Thanks for having us.
We love love.
343
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:38,171
Mm-hmm.
344
00:10:38,205 --> 00:10:39,639
Dad, can you come over here
a second?
345
00:10:39,673 --> 00:10:41,174
Um -- Hey, Stella.
346
00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:43,176
So, listen,
I don't think Haley
347
00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:45,813
wants to come back to a house
full of strangers and dogs.
348
00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:47,114
Claire,
I've got to have this,
349
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:48,515
and she's never gonna know
they're even here.
350
00:10:48,548 --> 00:10:49,516
[ Doorbell rings ]
351
00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:50,617
[ Dogs barking ]
352
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:52,185
Okay,
that's bad timing.
353
00:10:52,219 --> 00:10:53,620
Okay, okay, let's --
let's go, let's go, let's go.
354
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:54,988
Let's go.
Let's get it going.
355
00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:56,957
What's your hurry?
I thought you...
356
00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:58,158
guys love weddings.
357
00:10:58,191 --> 00:10:59,993
You were gonna say "you people,"
weren't you?
358
00:11:00,027 --> 00:11:01,194
Prove it.
359
00:11:01,228 --> 00:11:02,195
We have
theater tickets,
360
00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:03,630
and if we get
this wedding started,
361
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:04,865
we can still make curtain
for "Sophie's Choice."
362
00:11:04,898 --> 00:11:07,134
[ Gasps ] I would murder
my entire family
363
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:08,468
and all of their friends
to see that musical.
364
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:09,970
This guy gets it.
365
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:12,472
Hey-oh!
Look who's here!
366
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:14,808
Don't worry.
I'm wearing pants.
367
00:11:14,842 --> 00:11:16,543
As far as you know.
368
00:11:16,576 --> 00:11:18,311
Oh, well,
hello, Frank.
369
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,814
And thank you
for...sort of making it.
370
00:11:20,848 --> 00:11:23,150
[ Whispering ] Really?
Well,
you invited your dad.
371
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,818
What was I
supposed to do?
I don't know.
372
00:11:24,852 --> 00:11:26,386
[ Doorbell rings ]
Hey!
Is that Arthur Goodboy?
373
00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:27,988
Big fan!
374
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,489
Been waiting to see him
in his tux.
375
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:31,191
[ Door opens ]
Farrah.
376
00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:32,860
Phil.
It is so delightful
to see --
377
00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:34,327
Mm. Okay.
[ Laughs nervously ]
378
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:35,662
[ Dog barks ]
379
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:37,530
Oh. Gosh.
380
00:11:37,564 --> 00:11:39,066
Can you believe our babies
are getting married?
381
00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:40,167
I can.
382
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,836
I saw it in a vision
at a campfire in Peru.
383
00:11:42,870 --> 00:11:44,504
[ Whirring ]
This is my father,
Bert.
384
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:45,672
Oh, it's such an honor
to --
385
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,407
Vodka!
Oh.
386
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,176
[ Dog growls, barks ]
387
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:50,377
What a lovely dress.
388
00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:52,179
It's actually
a shamanic wedding robe
389
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,380
from South America.
390
00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:55,682
I wear it at every ceremony
I officiate.
391
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,184
Ohhh.
This is awkward.
392
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:58,185
Um...
393
00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:00,353
I'm doing the ceremony.
394
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:03,356
But this is something I've
dreamed about all of my lives.
395
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:05,225
Mom, what the hell
is going on?
396
00:12:05,258 --> 00:12:06,393
Together: Hey!
397
00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:08,595
[ Cheering ]
398
00:12:08,628 --> 00:12:10,263
Oh, honey, honey,
it's not as bad as it looks.
399
00:12:10,297 --> 00:12:12,599
See, it's still
small and simple and --
400
00:12:12,632 --> 00:12:14,034
[ Instruments playing ]
401
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:15,202
Not helping.
402
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:17,871
What? We were gonna
play her down the aisle.
403
00:12:17,905 --> 00:12:20,207
Yeah. Bad luck to get married
without bagpipes.
404
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,609
My mom's first wedding --
no bagpipes.
405
00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:25,378
My mom's second wedding --
bagpipes.
406
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,881
Six months later,
she's still married.
407
00:12:27,915 --> 00:12:29,382
I mean,
that's just science.
408
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:30,717
[ Doorbell ringing ]
Now what?
409
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,285
[ Dog barks ]
Oh, well,
we needed food, so...
410
00:12:32,319 --> 00:12:33,720
Hola, lovebirds.
411
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,222
Oh,
this is a disaster.
412
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:38,558
I know, but we can't pick
our childhood homes.
413
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,227
Don't worry.
I can fix everything.
414
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:42,062
Just take your time
changing your clothes.
415
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:43,063
Oh, this is
what I'm wearing.
416
00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:44,597
[ Laughs ]
You're hilarious.
417
00:12:45,799 --> 00:12:48,635
Let me see
the happy couple.
418
00:12:48,668 --> 00:12:50,737
Congratulations, Haley.
419
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:52,739
Congratulations, Andy.
420
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,141
[ Bagpipes play ]
421
00:12:54,174 --> 00:12:55,642
[ Dog barks ]
422
00:12:58,846 --> 00:13:00,280
[ Dog panting ]
423
00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:03,283
Sorry.
Honey, I know
you're a little annoyed.
424
00:13:03,316 --> 00:13:04,751
Oh, I'm so sorry
I gave you that impression.
425
00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:06,253
I'm a lot annoyed.
426
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:07,620
But it's better.
427
00:13:07,654 --> 00:13:10,757
This way, you'll be surrounded
by people who love you.
428
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:11,925
That's her.
429
00:13:11,959 --> 00:13:15,262
Congratulations!
I am so happy for you.
430
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:16,263
Luke?
431
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:17,264
Uh,
this is Annabelle.
432
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:18,331
We just met
on Tinder.
433
00:13:18,365 --> 00:13:19,766
But we haven't
done anything yet.
434
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,434
Guess what, babies.
435
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:22,802
You're gonna
taste some wine today!
436
00:13:22,836 --> 00:13:24,271
Hey, hey, hey.
437
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:25,272
So, if we're gonna
get this thing started,
438
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:26,639
maybe you should go up
and change, huh?
439
00:13:26,673 --> 00:13:27,674
Oh, for the last time,
this is what I'm --
440
00:13:27,707 --> 00:13:29,309
Screw it.
I'm changing.
441
00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:30,610
No, don't -- I'm --
No, don't change,
if that's --
442
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,612
Damn it! What --
Sorry. I'm sorry.
443
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:33,813
Gloria, Gloria.
444
00:13:33,847 --> 00:13:35,015
Do me a favor.
445
00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:37,284
Put some salami
in my TV.
446
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,286
Whatever that is a code for,
the answer is no.
447
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:40,954
Okay, fine.
I'll do it myself.
448
00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:43,290
Keep Orson occupied
for about a minute.
449
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:44,457
Arthur Goodboy, come.
450
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,459
Arthur Goodboy, come.
451
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:48,128
Mr. Orson.
452
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:52,632
Um, I need to know --
is your whole life your dog?
453
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:55,502
Oh, no. I also dabble
in stand-up comedy.
454
00:13:55,535 --> 00:13:58,038
In fact, I used to try out all
of my material on Arthur Goodboy
455
00:13:58,071 --> 00:13:59,973
until I got in trouble with PETA
for animal testing.
456
00:14:00,007 --> 00:14:01,808
[ Laughs ]
[ Chuckles ]
457
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:02,976
Ay!
458
00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:04,177
Speaking of,
where is Arthur?
459
00:14:04,211 --> 00:14:05,178
I'm sure he's fine.
460
00:14:05,212 --> 00:14:06,679
Arthur? Arthur?
461
00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:10,150
He's in the family room,
wolfing down some cold cuts.
462
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:11,851
No, no, no.
He can't digest that.
463
00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:13,153
And that tuxedo
is rented.
464
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:15,355
[ Groans ]
No, please! Wait!
465
00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:18,491
Orson: Aah! Stop!
466
00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:19,659
Stop? What, no!
467
00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,895
He's enjoying the bed.
No, he loves it in there.
468
00:14:21,929 --> 00:14:23,330
Don't.
469
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:24,831
The robot
told me everything.
470
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,566
Oh, I'm sorry,
but I thought once he got --
Stop! Unh!
471
00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:28,235
I will stay
for the wedding
472
00:14:28,268 --> 00:14:30,670
so as not to ruin
Halsey and Derek's special day,
473
00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:32,572
but this partnership
is off.
474
00:14:35,042 --> 00:14:36,176
What am I doing?
475
00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:38,011
Making a fool
of yourself --
476
00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:40,347
what you have done
the whole day.
477
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:42,182
Yeah.
I'm acting like an idiot.
478
00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:44,084
I mean,
this was a stupid idea,
479
00:14:44,117 --> 00:14:46,353
trying to launch
a whole new business at my age.
480
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:47,854
I thought
it would be fun,
481
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:50,690
but I should've known
I-I need to hang it up.
482
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:52,392
I need a second.
483
00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:55,929
Gloria: Dog beds
are ridiculous and sad.
484
00:14:55,963 --> 00:14:58,031
But they're important to Jay.
485
00:14:58,065 --> 00:15:01,034
So I guess that loving someone
means that you have to respect
486
00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:03,903
their idiotic,
nauseating dreams.
487
00:15:03,937 --> 00:15:05,872
Hey, old-timer.
488
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:07,274
I dig those wheels.
489
00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:10,543
Why is this vacuum cleaner
talking to me?!
490
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:12,079
Okay, we are definitely
cutting it close,
491
00:15:12,112 --> 00:15:13,280
but I think
we're gonna make it.
492
00:15:13,313 --> 00:15:15,548
You know, it's just that,
uh, traditionally,
493
00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:17,284
the father of the bride
calls the shots at these things.
494
00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:18,885
[ Instruments tuning ]
Oh, my goddess, Phil.
495
00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:21,588
By all means, let's return
to traditional weddings.
496
00:15:21,621 --> 00:15:24,457
Perhaps you'd like to discuss
the matter of Haley's dowry.
497
00:15:24,491 --> 00:15:26,726
Are you prepared
to offer livestock or land?
498
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:27,927
Farrah,
I would defer to you
499
00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:29,562
if this were happening
in your yurt.
500
00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:30,964
Fine.
501
00:15:30,998 --> 00:15:32,799
We'll settle this
over a game of acorns.
502
00:15:32,832 --> 00:15:34,401
[ Rattling ]
503
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:36,303
Put out your hands.
504
00:15:36,336 --> 00:15:37,937
Acorns, speak.
505
00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:40,807
Oh. Sorry, Phil.
506
00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:41,808
Best of 3.
507
00:15:41,841 --> 00:15:42,809
What am I doing?
508
00:15:42,842 --> 00:15:44,911
Okay,
both of you, stop!
509
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:46,313
You can both officiate,
all right?
510
00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:48,315
Yeah, but won't that take
twice as long?
511
00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:50,483
Uh, whoever's officiating,
if you can carve out some time
512
00:15:50,517 --> 00:15:51,751
for a poem
I've written.
513
00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:53,786
It's sort of a "Beowulf"
meets "You've Got Mail."
514
00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:54,821
Oh, God, no! No poems!
No!
515
00:15:54,854 --> 00:15:56,323
Nobody wants a poem!
No one wants that!
516
00:15:56,356 --> 00:15:58,258
Come on!
Let's move this thing along!
Get it going!
517
00:15:58,291 --> 00:15:59,659
[ Whispering ] You need to give
your "Sophie's Choice" ticket
518
00:15:59,692 --> 00:16:01,294
to the dog weirdo.
519
00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:03,263
My dad wants
to see a musical?
520
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:04,931
No,
the other dog weirdo.
521
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:07,667
Didn't you see how excited
he got when he heard about it?
522
00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:09,436
Yeah, well, that's not
happening. No, thank you.
523
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:11,438
Think about
all the sacrifices
524
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:13,606
that your father
has made for you.
525
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:14,774
Oh,
I just don't care.
526
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:16,476
You're not gonna make it
anyways.
527
00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:18,511
Y-Yes, we are, 'cause
the wedding's about to start.
528
00:16:18,545 --> 00:16:20,280
Here they come.
Is it?
529
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,614
Excuse me.
530
00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:24,684
Um, before we start
this beautiful ceremony,
531
00:16:24,717 --> 00:16:27,287
why don't we
go around the room
532
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:30,157
and talk about
what this wedding means to us?
533
00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:31,858
Yeah, I don't think anybody
wants to be put on the spot.
No.
534
00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:33,193
Let's just get on
with the wedding.
535
00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:36,129
To me, a marriage is not
just the joining of two hearts.
536
00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:38,198
It's the melding
of families.
537
00:16:38,231 --> 00:16:39,632
And can I
just say this --
538
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:41,000
No! Sit down!
No! Sit down!
539
00:16:41,034 --> 00:16:43,870
[ Bagpipes and cello play ]
540
00:16:43,903 --> 00:16:44,871
Hey.
541
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:48,208
Go on, go on.
There you go.
542
00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:50,677
Are those...
packing peanuts?
543
00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:52,479
I had 10 minutes
and no budget.
544
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:54,547
This is happening.
Yep.
545
00:16:54,581 --> 00:16:56,983
[ Dogs barking, whimpering ]
What's this dog
doing to Stella?
546
00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:58,485
Bad dog!
No humping!
547
00:16:58,518 --> 00:16:59,886
Don't shame him!
That's her fault.
548
00:16:59,919 --> 00:17:01,154
She's wagging her hips
in his face!
549
00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:02,222
That's her dysplasia.
550
00:17:02,255 --> 00:17:03,656
And it's 2019.
551
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:05,158
What he did
is not okay!
552
00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:07,327
Uh-oh.
Am I moving?
553
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:08,995
Something's stuck!
554
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:10,497
[ Indistinct shouting ]
555
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,065
Phil, I'm falling!
See, this -- this --
556
00:17:12,099 --> 00:17:13,833
this is why
I didn't want anyone here!
557
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,735
This is why
I wanted to elope!
558
00:17:15,768 --> 00:17:18,571
Haley, I know you're upset,
but this is your family.
559
00:17:18,605 --> 00:17:20,039
Who are you?!
560
00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:21,508
Okay, enough!
Enough.
561
00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:23,210
Dylan, Haley,
in the kitchen -- now!
562
00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:24,344
Nice shoes!
563
00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:26,346
I am, uh, so sorry,
folks.
564
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:27,880
This is -- This is gonna
take a little while.
565
00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:30,083
Maybe Alex and Bill
can play something.
566
00:17:30,117 --> 00:17:31,551
No!No!
No!No!
567
00:17:31,584 --> 00:17:32,852
We're not gonna make it,
are we?
Okay, no.
568
00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:35,021
We're not gonna
make it!
It --
It doesn't look like it.
569
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,389
Hey, um...
[ Dog barking ]
570
00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:39,025
Hi. My dad wanted you
to have these tickets.
571
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:41,228
[ Gasps ] Great Danes!
Thank you!
572
00:17:41,261 --> 00:17:43,596
Not so fast.
You still have something to do.
573
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:46,699
Listen.
Listen to me.
574
00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:47,934
I don't want
to hear it, Mom.
575
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:49,869
Run.
576
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:51,604
What?!
Yeah.
577
00:17:51,638 --> 00:17:54,207
We're really sorry
that this all got away from us.
578
00:17:54,241 --> 00:17:57,277
But all we care about
is that you're happy.
579
00:17:57,310 --> 00:18:00,046
And you should have
the wedding you want.
580
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,949
Your mom's right.
581
00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:04,884
We eloped,
and I still think of it
582
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:07,554
as one of the best days
of my life.
583
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:09,256
It still seems like
the last day we were alone.
584
00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:10,257
[ Phil chuckles ]
585
00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:11,558
Wow.
586
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:13,226
That's...
587
00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:14,294
Oh, honey.
588
00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:15,895
The four of you
better get going, huh?
589
00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:17,063
Yeah.
590
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:18,465
Ohh, my babies.
591
00:18:18,498 --> 00:18:20,300
I love you, guys.
Love you, guys.
592
00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:22,135
Bye. Bye.
593
00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:25,738
[ Door opens, closes ]
[ Sighs ]
594
00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:26,773
You okay?
595
00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:28,975
Not really, no.
596
00:18:29,008 --> 00:18:31,077
I hate that
we're not gonna be there.
597
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,946
I always assumed
we would be at her wedding.
598
00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:35,448
Is that selfish?
599
00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:36,449
No.
600
00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:37,584
[ Sighs deeply ]
601
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,118
It's only fair.
602
00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:41,254
She was at ours.
603
00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:43,122
Mm. She was.
604
00:18:46,193 --> 00:18:47,927
Look at this.
605
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,763
He posted one minute ago.
It's already got 5,000 likes.
606
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:51,764
Thank you.
607
00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:53,933
I love you.
608
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:57,637
And the only thing less sexy
than a dog bed is a quitter,
609
00:18:57,670 --> 00:18:59,105
and I didn't marry
a quitter.
610
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,173
I married an angel.
611
00:19:00,207 --> 00:19:01,608
Yes, you did!
612
00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:04,277
Could I have
everyone's attention? Um...
613
00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:06,279
I just want to say
that most of you
614
00:19:06,313 --> 00:19:07,780
are very important
to us.
615
00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:09,616
But the wedding's off,
and thanks for coming.
616
00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:11,117
What?!
You got to be
kidding me!
617
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,019
This is an outrage.
I will never forgive you.
[ Scoffs ]
618
00:19:13,052 --> 00:19:14,821
Perhaps the two of you
would like to sing a song?
619
00:19:14,854 --> 00:19:16,456
* Choices,
impossible *
620
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:17,690
* Choices
* Choices, impossible
621
00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:18,458
* Choices
* Why are there so many
622
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:20,293
Both: * Voices
623
00:19:20,327 --> 00:19:22,495
* Choices and voices
and voices *
624
00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:23,863
[ Crickets chirping ]
625
00:19:23,896 --> 00:19:24,831
[ Door opens ]
626
00:19:24,864 --> 00:19:26,699
Mom? Dad?
627
00:19:26,733 --> 00:19:28,501
Oh, honey.
628
00:19:28,535 --> 00:19:29,502
Hey.
629
00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:30,870
Hey.
How did it go?
630
00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:33,706
Uh, we...didn't
go through with it.
631
00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:34,707
What?
632
00:19:34,741 --> 00:19:36,809
We were
at this 24-hour chapel,
633
00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:39,312
and they called our names,
but...
634
00:19:39,346 --> 00:19:41,314
something about it
just didn't feel right.
635
00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:44,050
Sweetheart, it's okay.
636
00:19:44,083 --> 00:19:45,685
You'll know
when it's the right time.
637
00:19:45,718 --> 00:19:46,819
Mm-hmm.
638
00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:49,021
That's why I'm here.
639
00:19:50,257 --> 00:19:52,325
I thought
about what you said
640
00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:54,494
about how I should have
the wedding that I want.
641
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:55,828
Mm-hmm.
642
00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:58,865
Well, the wedding that I want
has you guys there.
643
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:04,671
**
644
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:07,674
And, like
the nuptial antler,
645
00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:09,609
your bond
will never be broken.
646
00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:12,712
Take us home, Phil.
647
00:20:16,283 --> 00:20:21,688
And so, by the powers vested
in me by NoPainOrdain.com,
648
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:24,891
I pronounce you,
Dylan...
649
00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:26,859
and you, Haley...
650
00:20:26,893 --> 00:20:29,862
husband...
651
00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:31,030
[ Chuckles ]
652
00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:32,031
...and wife.
653
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:33,933
[ Chuckles ]
654
00:20:33,966 --> 00:20:36,936
Hey!
Kiss her already!
655
00:20:36,969 --> 00:20:38,871
Oh, my God.
656
00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:40,307
[ Chuckles ]
657
00:20:43,310 --> 00:20:45,545
You wanted to talk to me?
Yeah. Um...
658
00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,046
It's been bothering me
the last few days
659
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,881
that since they were gonna
elope, Dylan never came to me
660
00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:50,116
and asked for Haley's hand
in marriage.
661
00:20:50,149 --> 00:20:51,384
Yeah.
662
00:20:51,418 --> 00:20:52,452
Well, then
it occurred to me that,
663
00:20:52,485 --> 00:20:54,053
since Claire and I
eloped,
664
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:57,957
I never officially asked you
for her hand in marriage.
665
00:20:57,990 --> 00:20:59,959
So, uh --
So ask me.
666
00:20:59,992 --> 00:21:00,960
Okay.
667
00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:02,562
Jay...
668
00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:04,564
I love your daughter very much,
and I would like your --
669
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:05,932
Nope.
670
00:21:05,965 --> 00:21:07,233
[ Laughs ]
671
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:08,768
That's very funny.
Um...
672
00:21:08,801 --> 00:21:11,070
But seriously, I would very much
like your blessing --
673
00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:12,939
Sorry. I've got
several concerns.
674
00:21:12,972 --> 00:21:13,973
I'm not on board.
675
00:21:14,006 --> 00:21:16,108
You realize
this is just a-a formality.
676
00:21:16,142 --> 00:21:17,410
We've been married
for almost 25 years.
677
00:21:17,444 --> 00:21:19,979
And the entire time,
without my blessing.
678
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:22,749
Okay, how many dog beds
is this gonna cost me?
Five.
679
00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:23,750
Three.
Four.
680
00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:24,951
Done.
Blessed!
47382
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