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1
00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:51,258
This is squad, we got him here.
2
00:00:51,342 --> 00:00:54,970
We have a positive ID. It is the Ripper.
Repeat, it is the Ripper.
3
00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:07,608
This is one hell of a way
to spend Christmas.
4
00:01:09,819 --> 00:01:12,529
- Mulcahey!
- Sir.
5
00:01:13,031 --> 00:01:16,158
- Secure the sidewalk. No one in or out.
- Yes, sir.
6
00:01:36,846 --> 00:01:39,973
Got a present for you. Pigs!
7
00:01:46,231 --> 00:01:51,485
Damn you! Let the children go!
Damn you, Ripper! Let the children go!
8
00:02:18,429 --> 00:02:22,850
Slater! Don't even think it, Slater,
you hear me?
9
00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:25,936
You're gonna sit and wait
for the real hostage negotiator!
10
00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:28,564
God damn it, Jack, I'm talking to you!
11
00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:33,360
The last time you pulled this jive, jitterbug,
tough gonad shit,
12
00:02:33,444 --> 00:02:35,362
people lost body parts!
13
00:02:36,030 --> 00:02:38,699
Now, you go in there and it's your badge!
14
00:02:41,703 --> 00:02:44,329
Jack! I know, as mayor
of this great metropolis,
15
00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:47,040
you and I have had our little tiffs,
but this is the Lieutenant Governor.
16
00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:50,127
- Slater, here's what I...
- When the governor gets here, call me.
17
00:02:50,211 --> 00:02:55,841
Slater's attempting to enter.
Do not let him in. Repeat, do not let him in.
18
00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:58,510
- Piece of cake.
- Hey.
19
00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:02,264
You want to be a farmer?
Here's a couple of acres.
20
00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:08,353
- Dekker, the next one I'll hurt.
- Slater, don't go in...
21
00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:16,361
Check fire. There's an officer in the building.
I say again,
22
00:03:16,446 --> 00:03:19,281
there's a plain-clothes officer
in the building!
23
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:26,788
- Jack, what kept you?
- Dad!
24
00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:35,172
Andy here's been getting nervous.
I promised him you'd come.
25
00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:39,092
Gave him my word of honor
he could watch you die.
26
00:03:40,970 --> 00:03:44,806
- Lose the cannon.
- Has he hurt you, Andrew?
27
00:03:47,810 --> 00:03:53,106
Hurt, Jack? You say "hurt"?
What do you know about hurt, Jack?
28
00:03:53,691 --> 00:03:58,570
- You put me in a cage for 10 years.
- You should have gotten the death penalty.
29
00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:01,698
Yeah, would've, should've, could've.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, right.
30
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:05,869
Things crawling around in your head.
Sitting on my chest when I wake up.
31
00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:09,081
Do you know what that's like, Jack?
32
00:04:09,707 --> 00:04:13,877
It was your illegal search
that rendered the bloody ax inadmissible.
33
00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:18,590
Remember, Jack? Now lose the gun.
34
00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:34,856
All right, I'm unarmed. So let the boy go.
35
00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:38,694
Just one gun, Jack? You got to be kidding.
36
00:05:02,093 --> 00:05:05,887
- Is that all, sport?
- Yep, that about does it.
37
00:05:06,472 --> 00:05:07,931
Then step away.
38
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:13,603
Chop-chop.
39
00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:19,401
Oh, unless you consider this a weapon.
40
00:05:27,785 --> 00:05:31,747
Brilliant, Jack. Brilliant. I surrender.
41
00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:36,043
- It's a live grenade.
- Yeah, right, Jack. Right, right.
42
00:05:36,252 --> 00:05:38,545
You're going to sacrifice your own child
to get to me.
43
00:05:38,629 --> 00:05:41,423
I'm very flattered, Jack, but I doubt it.
44
00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:46,345
Andy, pick up the grenade. Go on.
45
00:05:51,476 --> 00:05:54,102
Show it to me. That's good. Right there.
46
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:03,779
Jack, that toy can't hurt the boy,
47
00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:07,157
but this one can.
48
00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:29,679
Focus!
49
00:06:31,307 --> 00:06:34,643
Hey, come on! Focus!
50
00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:40,148
- Hey, people are trying to sleep.
- Yeah, right.
51
00:06:41,317 --> 00:06:46,363
The film is out of focus.
The film is out... Never mind.
52
00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:54,663
Nick!
53
00:07:04,507 --> 00:07:05,757
Nick.
54
00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:08,135
Nick?
55
00:07:09,804 --> 00:07:11,346
Nick, you okay?
56
00:07:13,474 --> 00:07:16,393
- What?
- The climax is on the fritz.
57
00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:20,730
All right. All right.
58
00:07:30,366 --> 00:07:32,534
I never used to do that, Danny.
59
00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:35,871
It's okay.
60
00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:38,999
I've seen this Slater six times.
I just got worried.
61
00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:45,630
You know, the new Jack Slater
opens this weekend at the Odyssey.
62
00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:47,382
Like I didn't know that.
63
00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:51,553
"They killed his second cousin.
Big mistake."
64
00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:55,724
"Jack Slater IV."
65
00:07:56,267 --> 00:08:01,563
Well, I'm checking the print tonight,
midnight. Just myself.
66
00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:06,902
I could arrange for you to gain admittance,
that is, you know,
67
00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:09,738
if that sort of thing appeals to you.
68
00:08:10,198 --> 00:08:12,449
- See it before it opens?
- Yeah.
69
00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:17,120
- Who do I have to kill?
- Nobody. All you have to do is get to school.
70
00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:19,581
You know, if you hurry,
you're only going to be four hours late.
71
00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:50,737
Treachery, conspiracy,
sex, sword fights, madness, ghosts.
72
00:08:51,155 --> 00:08:53,406
And in the end, everybody dies.
73
00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:56,952
Shakespeare's Hamlet
couldn't be more exciting.
74
00:08:57,286 --> 00:09:02,207
And though it may seem
that he is incapable of taking any action,
75
00:09:02,291 --> 00:09:07,963
he is, in fact, one of the first action heroes.
76
00:09:10,007 --> 00:09:16,304
What you are going to see
is a scene from the film by Laurence Olivier.
77
00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:20,600
Some of you might have seen him in
the Polaroid commercial,
78
00:09:21,185 --> 00:09:25,313
or as Zeus in Clash ofthe Titans.
79
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,569
O, bosom, black as death!
80
00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:36,241
Help, angels!
81
00:09:37,368 --> 00:09:39,619
All may yet be well.
82
00:09:40,496 --> 00:09:44,833
Now he's praying, and now I'll do it.
83
00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:01,933
And so he goes to heaven.
84
00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:04,185
Don't talk. Just do it.
85
00:10:09,358 --> 00:10:11,192
Hey, Claudius.
86
00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:17,407
You killed my father.
87
00:10:20,536 --> 00:10:22,203
Big mistake.
88
00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:28,126
Something is rotten in the state of Denmark,
89
00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:32,047
and Hamlet is taking out the trash.
90
00:10:38,429 --> 00:10:42,515
- Stay thy hand, fair prince.
- Who said I'm fair?
91
00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:54,277
No one's going to tell this sweet prince,
"Good night."
92
00:10:55,363 --> 00:10:58,573
To be or not to be.
93
00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:01,951
Not to be.
94
00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:24,224
The whole morning? He wasn't.
95
00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:28,520
No, I said, "He wasn't."
He wasn't at school today.
96
00:11:28,604 --> 00:11:30,563
He's sick as a lamb, poor dog.
97
00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:36,569
Regale me with the story of your life
starting this morning, 8:30, first period,
98
00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:40,281
American history and make this really good.
99
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:44,452
I mean something along the lines of,
"I cut so I could donate a kidney."
100
00:11:48,290 --> 00:11:54,421
You were at the movies again, weren't you?
And that crazy old guy is an accessory.
101
00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:57,757
- Nick's not crazy.
- Damn it, Danny!
102
00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:05,473
You know, I'm in there, lying to a principal,
me, a charter member of the PTA.
103
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:08,268
And what for? So you can go to the movies?
104
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:10,895
Sorry.
105
00:12:11,313 --> 00:12:16,234
I didn't choose any of this. I didn't choose it.
I didn't say, "Hey, what the hell,
106
00:12:16,318 --> 00:12:20,071
"let me see what it would be like
to be a widow before I'm 40, give that a try."
107
00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:23,825
- I know that.
- Give me a hug.
108
00:12:26,495 --> 00:12:29,914
- I won't cut again.
- Let me hear the "p" word on that.
109
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:31,916
- Promise.
- All right.
110
00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:39,507
Oh, Jesus! I'm late. I got to get to work.
All right.
111
00:12:40,342 --> 00:12:44,137
Lock the top lock
the minute I close the door, okay?
112
00:12:44,221 --> 00:12:46,347
And do not open this door for anyone.
113
00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:48,808
- Bye.
- Bye.
114
00:12:50,686 --> 00:12:53,062
She called her mother in
and they're trying to do something about it.
115
00:12:53,147 --> 00:12:56,691
They had cereal bugs.
I can't wait to see the new...
116
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,276
...continue to be a big problem...
117
00:12:58,360 --> 00:12:59,360
Come here often?
118
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:02,197
Ron Rice for one reason.
119
00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:04,699
What you eating?
120
00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:06,075
Nothing, maggots.
121
00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:45,323
You alone? Okay. Move it!
122
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,706
Do yourself to the drain.
123
00:13:58,170 --> 00:13:59,420
Tough guy.
124
00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:06,803
Do it. I'll make it easier for you.
125
00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:11,391
Go ahead.
126
00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:16,271
Do it.
127
00:14:21,902 --> 00:14:25,238
What is it with you? You got junk!
128
00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:31,995
No jewelry, no VCR.
A shit TV that will get me 20 bucks.
129
00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:34,706
Go fish, amigo.
130
00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:43,047
Remember now, your mom says
you're to go straight home.
131
00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:47,427
- She'll be there when the shift is over.
- Yes, sir.
132
00:14:48,762 --> 00:14:51,347
If we find the guy, I'll give you a call.
133
00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:07,030
Nick!
134
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:25,882
Come on.
135
00:15:28,677 --> 00:15:31,179
- I about gave up on you.
- Sorry.
136
00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:47,528
- Well, what do you think?
- Well, I've never seen anything like it.
137
00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:54,494
- It's not too tight, is it?
- No, no. It's... It's the style.
138
00:15:56,205 --> 00:16:01,084
I always wanted to be a magician,
but my hands, they were just too tiny.
139
00:16:03,253 --> 00:16:06,923
My father, he was bookkeeper here
and he got me my first job.
140
00:16:07,383 --> 00:16:12,845
Usher. It was still a vaudeville house.
Then I worked myself up to projectionist.
141
00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:16,474
It's not much, but it's still show biz.
142
00:16:22,106 --> 00:16:25,066
So... Is the print ready to roll?
143
00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:28,945
Just a minute, young man.
Aren't we forgetting something?
144
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:32,365
A ticket.
145
00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:37,745
You got to have a ticket, Danny, to see
a movie, and have I got just the one.
146
00:16:38,747 --> 00:16:43,251
See, when I was about your age,
Harry Houdini played this theater
147
00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:46,754
and my pop took me backstage to see him
after the show.
148
00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:51,050
And he made a gesture, Houdini did.
Like this.
149
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:55,555
And all of a sudden, this was in his hand.
150
00:16:56,473 --> 00:17:00,768
And he said to me, he whispered,
he said, "This is a magic ticket.
151
00:17:01,603 --> 00:17:04,355
"It was given to me
by the best magician in India,
152
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:07,275
"and it was given to him
by the best magician in Tibet.
153
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:11,237
"It's a passport to another world.
154
00:17:11,947 --> 00:17:15,450
"It was mine, and now it's yours."
155
00:17:19,747 --> 00:17:21,122
And now it's yours.
156
00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:27,086
What does it do, Nick?
157
00:17:27,921 --> 00:17:30,256
I never had the courage to find out.
158
00:17:30,340 --> 00:17:33,259
I had the ticket for years
and I wanted to try,
159
00:17:33,343 --> 00:17:36,596
but I guess I was afraid it wouldn't work.
160
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:39,766
See, when I was your age,
Houdini was like a god to me.
161
00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:41,768
But what if he was faking?
162
00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:44,854
And then again,
163
00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:49,233
what if it did work?
164
00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:52,403
Yeah, well, what if it did?
165
00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:56,991
Well, Houdini said something else to me.
166
00:17:57,618 --> 00:18:02,038
He said, "This ticket has a mind of its own.
167
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:07,418
"It does what it wants to do."
168
00:18:09,213 --> 00:18:12,757
And that always made me just a little edgy.
169
00:18:14,676 --> 00:18:18,012
Well, I guess there's only one way
to find out, then, right?
170
00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:26,687
Please retain your stub, sir.
171
00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:34,737
Shall we see if Mr. Slater wins this time?
172
00:18:34,822 --> 00:18:39,200
Jack Slater can't lose!
Never has, never will.
173
00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:24,871
Oh, Frankie.
174
00:19:28,959 --> 00:19:31,752
Frank. Frankie.
175
00:19:32,629 --> 00:19:36,841
Frankie, why you keep on with the insults?
176
00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:43,264
- I would never insult you, Mr. Vivaldi.
- When you lie, that's an insult.
177
00:19:43,807 --> 00:19:48,019
I know you're Jack Slater's
favorite second cousin in the whole world.
178
00:19:48,103 --> 00:19:53,816
You all the time talk to each other.
I got to know what Slater knows,
179
00:19:54,902 --> 00:19:58,446
and you are going to tell me, huh?
180
00:20:00,657 --> 00:20:05,453
Does he know that my mob and Torelli's mob
have just signed a secret pact
181
00:20:05,787 --> 00:20:06,913
to control...
182
00:20:09,666 --> 00:20:13,085
To control all the drugs
in Southern California?
183
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,798
We mostly talk muzzle velocities.
184
00:20:20,344 --> 00:20:21,427
Guns.
185
00:20:36,568 --> 00:20:38,945
Meet Mr. Benedict.
186
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:45,076
The genuine article.
And, you'd better believe it.
187
00:20:45,827 --> 00:20:50,206
Sometimes, he likes to bake
while he's shooting people.
188
00:20:53,961 --> 00:20:59,840
What I'm saying is Mr. Benedict
can take you out as easy as cake.
189
00:21:00,550 --> 00:21:03,552
Pie, you Sicilian schmuck.
190
00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:10,851
The man is a surgeon.
191
00:21:13,397 --> 00:21:19,110
You want me to make him operate on you?
192
00:21:20,737 --> 00:21:22,280
I swear, I don't know.
193
00:21:30,163 --> 00:21:34,709
Dump him at his place, huh?
But take it easy.
194
00:21:37,754 --> 00:21:39,046
He bought it.
195
00:21:39,131 --> 00:21:43,718
He actually believes
me and old man Torelli are banding together.
196
00:21:45,971 --> 00:21:52,852
Beauty part is, nobody knows different.
Not till after the funeral.
197
00:21:53,437 --> 00:21:55,730
Then everybody knows.
198
00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:04,196
Everybody knows Tony Vivaldi
199
00:22:06,616 --> 00:22:08,784
is number one.
200
00:22:10,078 --> 00:22:13,998
You are going to pay.
Oh, are you going to pay.
201
00:22:17,711 --> 00:22:21,422
Are you sure this is the right address?
This don't look like no crack house to me.
202
00:22:21,506 --> 00:22:23,841
What do you want?
Sixty guys dancing on the lawn,
203
00:22:23,925 --> 00:22:27,094
throwing cocaine at each other?
Just kick the door in.
204
00:22:43,403 --> 00:22:44,570
What's up, guys?
205
00:22:44,654 --> 00:22:47,531
- Quiet. This is a drug bust.
- A drug bust?
206
00:22:48,784 --> 00:22:52,828
You must be joking.
My second cousin Frank lives in there.
207
00:22:53,330 --> 00:22:55,998
The only drugs you'll find in there
are aspirin.
208
00:22:56,708 --> 00:22:59,960
And if you touch that front door,
you're going to need them.
209
00:23:00,587 --> 00:23:04,048
Maybe there's been a mistake.
We received an anonymous tip.
210
00:23:09,930 --> 00:23:15,851
Frank? Frank? Frank?
211
00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:24,527
Frank?
212
00:23:26,988 --> 00:23:29,573
- Frank.
- Jack...
213
00:23:31,701 --> 00:23:32,868
Jack, listen to me.
214
00:23:32,953 --> 00:23:36,497
- Who did this?
- Listen to me. This is important.
215
00:23:38,834 --> 00:23:42,169
Tony Vivaldi and the Torelli mob
216
00:23:43,964 --> 00:23:45,673
are joining forces.
217
00:23:49,010 --> 00:23:50,803
I'm out of here.
218
00:23:51,388 --> 00:23:54,390
Frank. Frank!
219
00:24:01,690 --> 00:24:03,149
I'm sorry, Frank.
220
00:24:27,132 --> 00:24:28,507
It's a bomb!
221
00:24:37,893 --> 00:24:40,936
He's okay. Minor wound. Both cops dead.
222
00:25:00,916 --> 00:25:02,666
Two days to retirement.
223
00:26:17,242 --> 00:26:20,244
Nick? Hello?
224
00:26:25,166 --> 00:26:27,042
Nick!
225
00:26:44,185 --> 00:26:45,936
Who the hell are you?
226
00:26:46,021 --> 00:26:48,814
Don't shoot me.
I'm Danny Madigan, I'm a kid.
227
00:27:00,035 --> 00:27:01,452
How did you get here?
228
00:27:01,536 --> 00:27:04,663
I'm not quite sure where "here" is, sir,
but I don't think you want to know.
229
00:27:04,748 --> 00:27:07,750
Okay, close your eyes,
stay flat and don't move.
230
00:27:28,063 --> 00:27:30,230
You're driving with no hands.
231
00:27:30,899 --> 00:27:32,941
You think it's easy?
You have to practice a lot
232
00:27:33,026 --> 00:27:35,361
and never ever do it in heavy traffic.
233
00:27:44,788 --> 00:27:48,082
Iced that guy. To "cone" a phrase.
234
00:27:51,670 --> 00:27:55,964
Wait a minute. The bad puns, the voice,
the hard rock.
235
00:27:56,716 --> 00:27:59,968
This is happening.
This is really happening.
236
00:28:03,765 --> 00:28:07,518
This is not happening.
Repeat, this is not hap...
237
00:29:16,629 --> 00:29:19,298
Oh, no!
238
00:29:37,442 --> 00:29:40,611
I booted. Sorry.
I thought I was going to die.
239
00:29:41,196 --> 00:29:43,238
I'm sorry to disappoint you,
240
00:29:43,531 --> 00:29:47,659
but you're going to live to enjoy
all the glorious fruits life has to offer,
241
00:29:47,744 --> 00:29:52,915
acne, shaving, premature ejaculation
and your first divorce.
242
00:30:16,898 --> 00:30:19,399
Boy, does this suck weenie
or what?
243
00:30:21,820 --> 00:30:23,529
This is a movie set.
244
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:28,909
This is a movie set.
That's how the scenery changed, right?
245
00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:42,756
You're going to play chicken, aren't you?
Just like Jack Slater.
246
00:30:49,097 --> 00:30:50,848
Fasten your seat belt, please.
247
00:30:53,017 --> 00:30:54,643
Your fingers?
248
00:30:55,603 --> 00:30:57,563
Cross as many as you can.
249
00:31:39,397 --> 00:31:44,610
I'm in the movie.
Holy cow, I'm in the movie!
250
00:31:50,074 --> 00:31:53,201
Nick, Houdini wasn't faking.
251
00:32:24,692 --> 00:32:26,944
Jack, did you see that?
252
00:32:35,036 --> 00:32:39,039
I was just in a real police station
and this is much nicer.
253
00:32:40,249 --> 00:32:43,043
Hey, Slater, it's your ex-wife on two.
254
00:32:45,380 --> 00:32:48,715
You stay. She's always calling me.
255
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:52,803
Hello, sweetheart, how are you?
It's so nice to hear your voice.
256
00:32:52,887 --> 00:32:58,558
- Oiler, you're partnered up with Waterman.
- Give me a partner, Sarge.
257
00:33:02,730 --> 00:33:04,231
That is right.
258
00:33:06,234 --> 00:33:11,196
Yep. Of course. No, just as you say.
259
00:33:12,407 --> 00:33:14,741
Yep.
260
00:33:14,826 --> 00:33:17,828
Krause, you're teamed up with the rabbi.
261
00:33:22,834 --> 00:33:29,756
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
262
00:33:30,383 --> 00:33:33,969
- How do you get to Carnegie Hall?
- Practice!
263
00:33:34,262 --> 00:33:38,724
John Practice, you old SOB.
What are you doing away from Washington?
264
00:33:39,267 --> 00:33:42,394
The bureau thinks something strange
is going on between...
265
00:33:42,478 --> 00:33:43,520
And this is top secret...
266
00:33:43,604 --> 00:33:47,024
I know. The Vivaldi mob is joining forces
with the Torellis.
267
00:33:47,108 --> 00:33:48,734
Damn it, Jack, how do you do that?
268
00:33:48,818 --> 00:33:52,404
Well, I'm not parked behind a desk all day
eating those donuts.
269
00:33:52,947 --> 00:33:56,575
Those are government donuts, my friend.
It's not easy work. I got to call DC.
270
00:33:57,577 --> 00:33:58,827
Good for you.
271
00:34:00,455 --> 00:34:04,082
Watch it, Jack. He killed Mozart.
272
00:34:05,126 --> 00:34:08,837
- In a movie?
- Amadeus. It won eight Oscars.
273
00:34:08,921 --> 00:34:12,799
I saved his life in Nam.
I'll make sure to be on the lookout. Thanks.
274
00:34:12,967 --> 00:34:15,302
Now, no more movies!
275
00:34:18,389 --> 00:34:20,807
Slater!
276
00:34:22,769 --> 00:34:26,688
I got the city council chewing my eggs off
for that plane you crashed!
277
00:34:26,773 --> 00:34:29,399
I got the mayor scheduling parades,
up my Lincoln tunnel
278
00:34:29,484 --> 00:34:30,984
for that stunt you pulled on the beach!
279
00:34:31,069 --> 00:34:33,945
Everybody wants to know,
what it is, what it ain't and what it will be!
280
00:34:34,072 --> 00:34:38,075
- Do I make myself clear?
- I'm just doing my job.
281
00:34:38,159 --> 00:34:41,703
You've given this department
the worst reputation in the country.
282
00:34:41,788 --> 00:34:45,749
Now I've got the Chamber of Commerce
doing cartwheels in my cocoa factory.
283
00:34:45,833 --> 00:34:49,086
Radcliff, you're pulling duty
with the animated cat.
284
00:34:49,170 --> 00:34:51,671
Hiya, toots.
285
00:34:54,008 --> 00:34:58,386
- I'm getting a flea bath later. Join me?
- You touch me again, fur ball...
286
00:34:58,471 --> 00:35:02,516
- Wait! I can prove this is a movie.
- Who the hell are you, kid?
287
00:35:02,683 --> 00:35:05,268
Look out there, there's a cartoon cat.
288
00:35:06,187 --> 00:35:07,729
He's supposed to be back on duty.
289
00:35:07,814 --> 00:35:10,107
He was only suspended for a month.
Now, shut up.
290
00:35:10,191 --> 00:35:12,192
Listen to what I'm saying.
291
00:35:12,401 --> 00:35:16,947
An animated cat just walked
into the squad room. Hello.
292
00:35:17,031 --> 00:35:19,282
He'll do it again tomorrow.
So what's your point?
293
00:35:19,367 --> 00:35:21,827
- That cat is one of the best men I got!
- Yeah.
294
00:35:21,911 --> 00:35:24,996
Now who is this twerp?
And why is that smile on his face?
295
00:35:25,081 --> 00:35:27,082
I just love the way you two fight,
296
00:35:27,166 --> 00:35:29,334
knowing how you really feel
about each other.
297
00:35:29,418 --> 00:35:33,421
Pray tell, just how do I feel about
this weird-looking sack of puppy poop?
298
00:35:33,506 --> 00:35:37,384
You're dearest friends.
After your wife left you for the circus midget
299
00:35:37,468 --> 00:35:41,263
and Jack told everyone he drove her to
New England to the diphtheria clinic.
300
00:35:41,347 --> 00:35:43,390
When he came back, you said,
301
00:35:44,100 --> 00:35:46,893
"You saved me from public humiliation,
Jack.
302
00:35:46,978 --> 00:35:49,062
"You're my dearest friend."
303
00:35:50,273 --> 00:35:52,941
- And you promised me you wouldn't tell.
- I didn't.
304
00:35:53,025 --> 00:35:55,944
- Then how did he know?
- Jack Slater I.
305
00:35:56,028 --> 00:35:59,990
- What's winning got to do with this?
- No! The very first Jack Slater.
306
00:36:00,283 --> 00:36:01,616
You told your dad?
307
00:36:01,701 --> 00:36:04,995
I didn't tell anyone.
I don't even know this kid.
308
00:36:07,665 --> 00:36:10,250
Well, he seems to know a lot about us.
309
00:36:13,129 --> 00:36:14,880
No such number. No such name.
310
00:36:14,964 --> 00:36:17,090
The state of New York's never heard of you,
Mr. Madigan.
311
00:36:17,175 --> 00:36:18,675
- What's your real name?
- Danny Madigan.
312
00:36:18,759 --> 00:36:20,010
- Where are you really from?
- 355...
313
00:36:20,094 --> 00:36:21,636
- How did you get in the car?
- I...
314
00:36:24,515 --> 00:36:27,434
I fell off a walk over a bridge.
Slipped into your car.
315
00:36:27,852 --> 00:36:29,269
He saved my life.
316
00:36:31,564 --> 00:36:34,482
Truth at last. Now, why were they after you?
317
00:36:35,151 --> 00:36:37,736
My second cousin Frank
found out some crucial drug information.
318
00:36:37,820 --> 00:36:41,448
I wouldn't put too much faith
into what Vivaldi told him.
319
00:36:44,410 --> 00:36:48,622
- How do you know Frank mentioned Vivaldi?
- I know a lot about what's going on.
320
00:36:48,706 --> 00:36:49,706
Now if you will just listen to me...
321
00:36:49,790 --> 00:36:53,126
All right, son,
I've got the perfect listener for you.
322
00:36:54,253 --> 00:36:57,589
- Meet your new partner.
- Oh, no.
323
00:36:59,592 --> 00:37:00,717
Better to die.
324
00:37:01,219 --> 00:37:05,388
You're going to love it, Jack. I mean,
we're perfect buddy-movie material.
325
00:37:05,473 --> 00:37:09,392
I'll teach you to be vulnerable,
you'll teach me to be brave.
326
00:37:09,977 --> 00:37:12,562
Hi. I'm Jack Slater's new partner.
327
00:37:12,980 --> 00:37:16,775
Jack and I will be working together
for the duration of the film.
328
00:37:18,361 --> 00:37:19,736
You know I'm right.
329
00:37:19,820 --> 00:37:23,823
If this was the real world, I mean,
they wouldn't make me your partner.
330
00:37:23,908 --> 00:37:26,409
They'd assign me to a social worker.
331
00:37:26,577 --> 00:37:27,661
Here's one.
332
00:37:27,745 --> 00:37:31,623
Tell me how I know they tortured Frank
and then stashed him behind his front door.
333
00:37:31,707 --> 00:37:35,377
Because I saw it all on screen,
because this is a movie.
334
00:37:35,461 --> 00:37:38,755
You're very clever. And the only reason
why I'm not roaring with laughter
335
00:37:38,839 --> 00:37:42,092
is because someone killed
my favorite second cousin and that's a...
336
00:37:42,176 --> 00:37:45,595
Big mistake.
That is what you were going to say, right?
337
00:37:46,806 --> 00:37:50,225
- Gee, how would I know that?
- No one likes a smart-ass.
338
00:37:51,686 --> 00:37:53,895
Okay. Then shoot me.
339
00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:57,983
That's right. Take your gun,
point it at my head and pull the trigger.
340
00:37:58,359 --> 00:38:01,611
Come on, do it. I double dare you.
341
00:38:03,406 --> 00:38:06,116
You're not going to do it, are you?
And do you know why?
342
00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:08,576
Because people like you
don't kill kids in movies.
343
00:38:08,661 --> 00:38:12,038
Because, believe it or not,
Jack, you're the good guy.
344
00:38:12,790 --> 00:38:14,708
You really believe that we're inside a movie,
don't you?
345
00:38:14,792 --> 00:38:16,751
- Yes!
- All right.
346
00:38:16,836 --> 00:38:20,547
I'll give you 10 minutes to prove it
and then I shoot you.
347
00:38:27,221 --> 00:38:28,305
Slater!
348
00:38:29,348 --> 00:38:32,475
- Quick, where are the Schwarzenegger films?
- Foreign films are in the back.
349
00:38:32,560 --> 00:38:37,063
- No, action. This guy's an action star.
- Down the center on the left.
350
00:38:46,574 --> 00:38:49,075
No. It isn't possible.
351
00:38:49,618 --> 00:38:53,830
What's not possible? He's fantastic.
This is his best performance ever.
352
00:38:53,914 --> 00:38:59,169
- But that was you. You were in that movie.
- You were in a movie?
353
00:39:00,338 --> 00:39:04,257
Yes. It was called The Girl ofMy Dreams.
354
00:39:04,592 --> 00:39:06,092
It starred you.
355
00:39:06,177 --> 00:39:09,846
As a matter of fact,
we had this very romantic scene together.
356
00:39:11,265 --> 00:39:15,435
- What's the phone number of this store?
- 555-2310.
357
00:39:15,811 --> 00:39:18,021
Okay. What's your home number?
358
00:39:18,814 --> 00:39:22,192
That's okay. You can give it to him.
I'm a police officer.
359
00:39:22,276 --> 00:39:25,820
- 555-3812.
- Amazing.
360
00:39:25,905 --> 00:39:29,157
I'm willing to bet
that everyone has a 555 number.
361
00:39:29,241 --> 00:39:30,867
- So?
- So...
362
00:39:30,951 --> 00:39:35,622
There can only be 9,999 numbers
that start with 555.
363
00:39:35,998 --> 00:39:39,125
- How many people live in LA?
- Eight or nine million.
364
00:39:41,504 --> 00:39:43,797
That's why we have area codes.
365
00:39:44,799 --> 00:39:47,967
- Is this your kid?
- This? Oh, no.
366
00:39:48,052 --> 00:39:52,097
This is a mental patient and I'm going to
take him downtown. Come on.
367
00:39:52,306 --> 00:39:54,724
Okay, I got one.
What about this girl right here?
368
00:39:54,809 --> 00:39:58,144
She is way too attractive
to be working at a video store.
369
00:39:58,229 --> 00:40:01,731
I agree with you.
I think she should be working with us.
370
00:40:02,608 --> 00:40:04,234
Undercover, of course.
371
00:40:04,318 --> 00:40:08,405
Look, the point is
there are no unattractive women here.
372
00:40:08,489 --> 00:40:11,908
I mean, where are the ordinary,
every-day women?
373
00:40:12,827 --> 00:40:17,163
- They don't exist, because this is a movie.
- No. This is California.
374
00:40:17,832 --> 00:40:19,332
And by the way, thanks.
375
00:40:19,417 --> 00:40:23,378
I think it was really slick,
the way you got this girl's phone number.
376
00:40:23,546 --> 00:40:25,630
Okay, Mr. Non-believer.
377
00:40:26,298 --> 00:40:30,218
I'll take you to the house
where your cousin Frank was tortured.
378
00:40:31,137 --> 00:40:33,096
I've seen it, on screen.
379
00:40:34,723 --> 00:40:38,560
It's kind of like that one, except it's got to be
on the other side of the road
380
00:40:38,644 --> 00:40:40,895
'cause it's got an ocean view.
381
00:40:41,939 --> 00:40:44,941
Listen, there's something
you don't understand.
382
00:40:47,278 --> 00:40:50,196
This ticket is magic, and it really works.
383
00:40:50,531 --> 00:40:53,783
Any second we're going to drive
right into a theater.
384
00:40:57,204 --> 00:40:59,706
Maybe I need to warm it up first.
385
00:41:00,749 --> 00:41:04,294
Of course. My decoder ring has to warm up,
too. All the time.
386
00:41:04,378 --> 00:41:06,713
Okay, okay. The house looked European.
387
00:41:06,797 --> 00:41:10,175
Like maybe you get a postcard
from Italy or something.
388
00:41:10,342 --> 00:41:14,721
Like that one. In fact, just like that one.
389
00:41:15,389 --> 00:41:17,265
The bad guys are in there.
390
00:41:19,935 --> 00:41:23,396
You know something?
I think you should be wearing this.
391
00:41:23,647 --> 00:41:26,608
- I don't think I've earned it yet.
- You don't understand.
392
00:41:26,692 --> 00:41:28,651
You just solved the entire case.
393
00:41:28,736 --> 00:41:31,696
You just revolutionized
the entire history of police training.
394
00:41:31,780 --> 00:41:35,033
I mean, all these years at the academy,
studying human character,
395
00:41:35,117 --> 00:41:37,410
psyche of the terrorist, fingerprint analysis.
396
00:41:37,495 --> 00:41:39,746
All the courses that I've taken
in surveillance,
397
00:41:39,830 --> 00:41:42,665
hostage negotiation
and criminal psychology...
398
00:41:42,750 --> 00:41:45,627
When all I had to do is just drive around
the neighborhood
399
00:41:45,711 --> 00:41:47,295
and point my finger at the house and say,
400
00:41:47,379 --> 00:41:49,589
"The bad guys are in there."
401
00:41:50,966 --> 00:41:53,635
- You think you're funny, don't you?
- I know I am.
402
00:41:53,719 --> 00:41:56,346
I'm the famous comedian,
Arnold Braunschweiger.
403
00:41:56,430 --> 00:41:58,681
- Schwarzenegger.
- Gesundheit.
404
00:42:14,865 --> 00:42:16,032
May I help you?
405
00:42:16,116 --> 00:42:19,327
Yes. Could I speak to the drug dealer
of the house please?
406
00:42:19,411 --> 00:42:20,870
I beg your pardon?
407
00:42:20,955 --> 00:42:24,457
It's a beautiful day
and we're out killing drug dealers.
408
00:42:24,708 --> 00:42:26,834
Are there any in the house?
409
00:42:31,298 --> 00:42:32,799
Be ready for anything.
410
00:42:36,470 --> 00:42:39,931
- Wait. Where are you going?
- I'll be back.
411
00:42:40,349 --> 00:42:43,059
You didn't know I was going to say that,
did you?
412
00:42:43,143 --> 00:42:46,187
- That's what you always say.
- I do?
413
00:42:47,731 --> 00:42:49,732
Everybody keeps waiting
for you to work it in.
414
00:42:49,817 --> 00:42:52,360
It's kind of like your calling card.
415
00:42:54,863 --> 00:42:57,407
I understand you're interested
in drug dealers.
416
00:42:57,491 --> 00:42:58,616
Yes.
417
00:42:58,701 --> 00:43:01,953
Jack, that's him,
the henchman with the glass eye.
418
00:43:02,663 --> 00:43:05,206
Sir, are you a henchman?
419
00:43:06,000 --> 00:43:10,378
No. I only go as far as lackey.
Will there be anything else?
420
00:43:10,462 --> 00:43:12,672
Yeah. Take off your sunglasses.
421
00:43:13,007 --> 00:43:16,009
- Who's asking?
- The tin man.
422
00:43:17,970 --> 00:43:22,348
- Well, tin man, suppose you hit the bricks.
- No. They're the wrong color.
423
00:43:22,433 --> 00:43:27,312
Are they? Oh, dear. By all means, let's
change them. Would arterial red suit you?
424
00:43:33,902 --> 00:43:37,030
Make no mistake.
They are exceptionally well-trained.
425
00:43:41,619 --> 00:43:44,704
I snap my fingers again,
and some time tomorrow
426
00:43:44,788 --> 00:43:47,540
you emerge from several canine recta.
427
00:43:48,542 --> 00:43:51,544
Or you and Toto can go back to
the land of Oz.
428
00:43:51,629 --> 00:43:53,463
- Questions?
- Yeah.
429
00:43:55,090 --> 00:43:56,424
Two of them.
430
00:43:57,301 --> 00:44:00,553
Why am I wasting time
on a dime store putz like you
431
00:44:01,055 --> 00:44:03,890
when I could be doing something
much more dangerous?
432
00:44:04,099 --> 00:44:06,476
Like rearranging my sock drawers.
433
00:44:06,727 --> 00:44:10,563
And two, how exactly are you going to
snap your fingers
434
00:44:10,648 --> 00:44:13,024
after I rip off both of your thumbs?
435
00:44:20,324 --> 00:44:21,908
Have a nice day.
436
00:44:28,582 --> 00:44:32,251
He had one with a bull's-eye
when he was with your second cousin.
437
00:44:32,336 --> 00:44:35,588
He hates his boss.
He calls him a Sicilian schmuck.
438
00:44:50,938 --> 00:44:54,524
How did Slater find out? Will you tell me?
439
00:44:55,651 --> 00:45:00,988
I want him to join me, but he's nuts.
He keeps going after the bad guys.
440
00:45:01,073 --> 00:45:04,117
Where is it written I'm a bad guy?
441
00:45:04,868 --> 00:45:07,078
Find out who talked and have him killed.
442
00:45:07,162 --> 00:45:09,247
Then, Slater.
443
00:45:11,291 --> 00:45:13,543
Hey. Hey!
444
00:45:13,627 --> 00:45:15,169
What's with you?
445
00:45:15,671 --> 00:45:18,089
We should change
the funeral arrangements.
446
00:45:18,173 --> 00:45:22,218
Are you crazy?
When I say bloodbath, there is
447
00:45:22,761 --> 00:45:24,554
- a bloodbath.
- A bloodbath.
448
00:45:26,390 --> 00:45:30,518
I'm going to find out more
about Slater's short friend.
449
00:45:31,645 --> 00:45:33,229
Come on, Jack.
450
00:45:33,313 --> 00:45:36,065
That guy has got to be guilty of something.
451
00:45:36,150 --> 00:45:39,068
Yeah. He's guilty of acting like an asshole.
452
00:45:39,445 --> 00:45:42,196
If I arrest him,
I have to arrest half of Congress.
453
00:45:42,281 --> 00:45:43,823
Why did we park back there?
454
00:45:43,907 --> 00:45:45,491
In case my ex-wife is around.
455
00:45:45,576 --> 00:45:49,245
Don't worry, she's not.
Her name wasn't in the credits.
456
00:45:49,329 --> 00:45:52,999
Kid, who does the doctor treat?
457
00:45:53,333 --> 00:45:54,500
Patients.
458
00:45:54,585 --> 00:45:57,086
Look at the elbow of my jacket.
What is it doing?
459
00:45:57,171 --> 00:45:59,505
- Wearing thin?
- Bingo.
460
00:46:01,592 --> 00:46:03,718
Geez, that was a stretch.
461
00:46:05,012 --> 00:46:08,181
Wow! Is this
what you drive on the weekends?
462
00:46:08,599 --> 00:46:10,600
No, this is my little girl's car.
463
00:46:10,684 --> 00:46:12,560
Come on. Knock on the door.
464
00:46:13,437 --> 00:46:15,730
I told you, your ex-wife's not home.
465
00:46:16,273 --> 00:46:18,524
Her name wasn't in the credits.
466
00:46:24,114 --> 00:46:25,281
Meredith?
467
00:46:25,365 --> 00:46:27,158
I hope you mean Whitney.
468
00:46:27,701 --> 00:46:29,118
Sorry. Whitney.
469
00:46:29,203 --> 00:46:31,412
You're not Skeezy, are you?
470
00:46:34,458 --> 00:46:36,959
Daddy! Oh, my God.
471
00:46:38,212 --> 00:46:41,005
- Daddy!
- You've gained some weight.
472
00:46:41,590 --> 00:46:46,719
Hi. I'm Danny Madigan
and I realize I haven't had that long of a life,
473
00:46:47,429 --> 00:46:51,808
but I just want you to know that
from now on, it's all going to be downhill.
474
00:46:51,892 --> 00:46:54,811
- Hello, sweetheart, you look wonderful.
- Thank you.
475
00:46:54,895 --> 00:46:58,648
So, who's your friend? He's cute.
476
00:46:58,732 --> 00:47:02,485
No, he's not cute, he's hopelessly insane.
477
00:47:02,569 --> 00:47:05,404
Very soon he's gonna tell you
he loved you in Gone with the Wind.
478
00:47:05,489 --> 00:47:08,825
- This is her first movie.
- You see?
479
00:47:08,909 --> 00:47:12,203
- Now who is Skeezy?
- It's just a sorority thing, Dad. What they do
480
00:47:12,287 --> 00:47:15,832
is they assign you a freshman, and
when he comes to the door, you kiss him.
481
00:47:15,916 --> 00:47:19,335
- Do you have to kiss him?
- Dad, would you come on?
482
00:47:19,419 --> 00:47:23,005
Okay, would you grab the phone
and if it's for me, I'll be out of the shower
483
00:47:23,090 --> 00:47:25,424
in less than one hour for sure.
484
00:47:26,927 --> 00:47:29,095
What a cutie.
485
00:47:30,681 --> 00:47:35,351
It's old evidence. Counterfeit case.
Looks real, doesn't it?
486
00:47:35,435 --> 00:47:37,854
Turns funny colors when you burn it.
487
00:47:37,938 --> 00:47:40,231
Try using it for alimony.
488
00:47:48,991 --> 00:47:50,575
What's wrong?
489
00:47:56,290 --> 00:47:59,041
You don't happen to have a cigar, do you?
490
00:48:04,506 --> 00:48:06,674
"I'll be back." I know, I know.
491
00:48:26,862 --> 00:48:29,572
Dad! Dad!
492
00:49:03,774 --> 00:49:06,275
He would have been your age.
493
00:49:08,362 --> 00:49:09,695
I know.
494
00:49:11,490 --> 00:49:15,576
The Ripper killed him three years ago.
Pulled him down off the roof.
495
00:49:16,995 --> 00:49:18,871
Your dad saw everything.
496
00:49:18,956 --> 00:49:20,957
How did you know all that?
497
00:49:24,044 --> 00:49:28,130
Your pop gets in the papers a lot.
I'm interested in crime stories.
498
00:49:29,091 --> 00:49:32,551
- That's Skeezy.
- I'll get rid of him.
499
00:49:41,228 --> 00:49:42,603
Hello, Toto.
500
00:49:47,985 --> 00:49:51,487
There, there, and there.
501
00:49:51,571 --> 00:49:55,741
No! Let go of me! Let go of me!
502
00:49:58,161 --> 00:50:01,038
- Stop it!
- Evening. Uncle Jack around?
503
00:50:01,123 --> 00:50:03,916
Mr. Slater's off tracking a lead somewhere.
504
00:50:06,336 --> 00:50:08,963
Joey, would you teach her
the virtue of silence?
505
00:50:09,047 --> 00:50:11,590
- Right.
- Benedict.
506
00:50:11,675 --> 00:50:15,803
- If you harm a hair on her head...
- Stop!
507
00:50:25,981 --> 00:50:30,443
Go away! Stop it! No!
508
00:50:32,654 --> 00:50:34,405
You were saying?
509
00:50:38,285 --> 00:50:44,832
Now, I believe
it was Sherlock Holmes who said
510
00:50:45,834 --> 00:50:48,753
that if you eliminate
all the logical solutions to a problem,
511
00:50:48,837 --> 00:50:52,506
the illogical, however impossible,
is invariably true.
512
00:50:53,508 --> 00:50:57,428
You see, I know
that your name is Daniel Madigan.
513
00:50:57,512 --> 00:51:00,556
What I don't understand
is how you know mine.
514
00:51:03,560 --> 00:51:07,646
Slater showed me some mug shots.
We made your face easy.
515
00:51:09,691 --> 00:51:12,401
Daniel Madigan from New York City.
516
00:51:12,486 --> 00:51:16,947
Awfully long way away from home,
aren't you? When did you get here?
517
00:51:17,032 --> 00:51:18,074
Just.
518
00:51:18,158 --> 00:51:20,910
And how do you know
what I said on Vivaldi's terrace?
519
00:51:22,120 --> 00:51:24,121
I heard a recording.
520
00:51:24,206 --> 00:51:26,665
Microphones in the statues, are there?
521
00:51:27,209 --> 00:51:29,877
You wouldn't believe how many.
522
00:51:29,961 --> 00:51:32,963
And the eye I was wearing?
523
00:51:34,299 --> 00:51:36,801
I saw it. I saw it in a movie.
524
00:51:37,761 --> 00:51:39,553
There are micro cameras in the statues.
525
00:51:39,638 --> 00:51:45,476
I should tell you that I have killed people
smarter and younger than you.
526
00:51:53,610 --> 00:51:57,738
Look, whatever this is,
it's between you and Slater.
527
00:51:57,823 --> 00:52:02,243
There's some money in the desk.
Take it and leave me and Meredith...
528
00:52:02,327 --> 00:52:03,911
Whitney alone.
529
00:52:08,792 --> 00:52:10,918
Holy shit, boss.
530
00:52:11,002 --> 00:52:12,753
It looks like 2K in here.
531
00:52:12,838 --> 00:52:15,131
Just a minute.
532
00:52:15,215 --> 00:52:16,757
Give it to me.
533
00:52:22,848 --> 00:52:25,057
These bills are marked, aren't they?
534
00:52:25,767 --> 00:52:30,563
You were trying to sucker me
with marked bills, weren't you?
535
00:52:32,399 --> 00:52:33,691
Burn it.
536
00:52:35,152 --> 00:52:37,736
- Burn it?
- Yes, burn it.
537
00:52:38,613 --> 00:52:42,616
Don't play games with grownups, little boy.
You'll get hurt.
538
00:53:02,929 --> 00:53:05,181
Stop it! Stop it! Oh, God.
539
00:53:05,265 --> 00:53:06,932
Big mistake.
540
00:53:24,951 --> 00:53:26,869
It's great, isn't it?
541
00:53:26,953 --> 00:53:30,414
Now, we'll hurt you just a little bit,
but you'll...
542
00:53:30,498 --> 00:53:31,874
Freeze!
543
00:53:31,958 --> 00:53:35,836
Lose the guns or I redecorate
in brain-matter gray, got it?
544
00:53:35,921 --> 00:53:37,463
Yes!
545
00:53:39,382 --> 00:53:42,009
You kill me and I'll kill him.
546
00:53:48,934 --> 00:53:51,143
Leave it. Get the door.
547
00:54:01,029 --> 00:54:02,112
Boss?
548
00:54:04,366 --> 00:54:05,574
Hi.
549
00:54:42,237 --> 00:54:44,071
Don't give up your day job.
550
00:55:17,188 --> 00:55:19,023
Jack!
551
00:55:24,446 --> 00:55:26,488
Don't leave home without it.
552
00:55:27,282 --> 00:55:28,282
Go!
553
00:55:35,915 --> 00:55:37,458
Where are you going?
554
00:55:39,294 --> 00:55:41,295
Got to catch the red-eye.
555
00:55:51,222 --> 00:55:53,932
I don't believe this. I'm in the movie, and...
556
00:55:56,061 --> 00:55:58,520
I'm in the movie,
and I'm missing the best action!
557
00:56:01,983 --> 00:56:04,568
Punch it. Let's get the hell out of here.
558
00:56:20,919 --> 00:56:22,711
Go back up to the top!
559
00:56:29,677 --> 00:56:32,137
Next time, we get thicker armor.
560
00:56:33,431 --> 00:56:34,723
Like a tank.
561
00:56:54,994 --> 00:56:56,495
Chicken, it is.
562
00:57:06,756 --> 00:57:11,552
This is gonna work. It's a movie.
I'm a good guy. This has got to work!
563
00:57:15,890 --> 00:57:17,724
I'm a comedy sidekick.
564
00:57:18,226 --> 00:57:21,520
Oh, shit! I'm a comedy sidekick!
565
00:57:21,604 --> 00:57:25,023
It's not gonna work!
566
00:57:51,259 --> 00:57:54,761
Well, I think I scared him pretty good.
567
00:57:54,846 --> 00:57:57,055
You did great. Come on.
568
00:57:58,725 --> 00:58:02,186
- Benedict's got the ticket.
- That's too bad.
569
00:58:02,270 --> 00:58:04,480
I wanted it for my collection.
570
00:58:26,753 --> 00:58:29,671
I told you, Blanche isn't here.
She won't be back for two hours.
571
00:58:29,756 --> 00:58:32,257
I know. I'm gonna wait for her.
572
00:58:33,760 --> 00:58:37,721
It is a shame. It's so romantic.
573
00:58:38,473 --> 00:58:42,893
Well, I'll never get any work done
if I stay here and think about that.
574
00:58:42,977 --> 00:58:45,103
I'll run with Jane to the store.
575
00:58:46,981 --> 00:58:50,150
What a shame. Two tickets to Hawaii.
576
00:58:50,235 --> 00:58:55,197
Oh, I've gotta get her a husband.
Maybe Blanche can help out.
577
00:59:00,954 --> 00:59:04,206
We'll be right back
after this commercial announcement.
578
00:59:04,290 --> 00:59:06,250
You know, if you're looking
for a new or used car, see me first.
579
00:59:06,334 --> 00:59:08,544
Give me first crack at the deal.
I'll beat anybody else's deal.
580
00:59:08,628 --> 00:59:11,046
I'd gargle anti-freeze
to beat anybody else's deal.
581
00:59:11,130 --> 00:59:12,548
So see me first, give me first shot.
582
00:59:12,632 --> 00:59:15,717
Now here's a nice car.
Seventy-three, this is a Landau,
583
00:59:15,802 --> 00:59:18,554
top power steering, power brakes,
air conditioning. $999.
584
00:59:18,638 --> 00:59:23,559
If you're looking for trucks, we got trucks.
We got all kinds of trucks. '79 pickup, $2,999.
585
00:59:23,643 --> 00:59:27,854
Here's another one. This is a Long Bed.
This is $3,999. Can't beat that.
586
00:59:28,022 --> 00:59:29,398
Give me first shot...
587
00:59:43,663 --> 00:59:45,998
You're traveling
through another dimension.
588
00:59:46,165 --> 00:59:49,876
My name is Skeezy. S-K-E-E-Z-Y, sir.
589
00:59:50,461 --> 00:59:53,005
S-K-E...No I-E. Thank you.
590
01:00:38,176 --> 01:00:39,593
Say this.
591
01:00:43,973 --> 01:00:46,141
Hey, grow up.
592
01:00:46,809 --> 01:00:48,393
Just say this one word.
593
01:00:49,771 --> 01:00:52,481
Is this another one of your movie proofs?
594
01:00:52,565 --> 01:00:54,107
Maybe.
595
01:00:55,151 --> 01:00:57,736
Kid, I don't want to say it.
596
01:00:58,404 --> 01:00:59,780
Say what?
597
01:01:00,657 --> 01:01:03,742
You can't. You can't possibly say it
598
01:01:03,826 --> 01:01:07,579
because this movie is PG-13. Admit it.
599
01:01:07,664 --> 01:01:09,122
Officer Slater,
600
01:01:09,207 --> 01:01:12,209
the guy with the missing eye,
I saw his license plate.
601
01:01:12,293 --> 01:01:14,044
Well, good for you.
602
01:01:17,423 --> 01:01:20,175
- You mean the guy with the glass eye?
- No.
603
01:01:20,259 --> 01:01:23,762
When he was running for the car,
it was missing.
604
01:01:24,764 --> 01:01:26,765
It's got words.
605
01:01:29,310 --> 01:01:31,687
"Vengeance is..."
606
01:01:33,773 --> 01:01:34,815
Don't touch!
607
01:01:40,154 --> 01:01:41,154
You flipped up on all of it!
608
01:01:41,239 --> 01:01:42,489
God damn it, that's all I can take from you!
609
01:01:42,573 --> 01:01:44,241
I got the California Raisin Counsel doing
610
01:01:44,325 --> 01:01:45,784
an all-male version
of The Diary of Anne Frank,
611
01:01:45,868 --> 01:01:47,369
doing an all-male version
in my fuzzy slipper!
612
01:01:47,453 --> 01:01:49,037
Tiny Tim is tiptoeing through the tulips!
613
01:01:49,122 --> 01:01:51,164
- Did you catch that?
- You ball-peen jack-a-menace.
614
01:01:51,249 --> 01:01:54,209
I slurped about all the cock-sucking toast
I can take from you!
615
01:01:54,293 --> 01:01:55,877
You know you...
616
01:01:59,132 --> 01:02:01,133
I think some of it's English.
617
01:02:01,426 --> 01:02:03,844
Well, see if this is clear enough!
618
01:02:03,970 --> 01:02:05,303
Give me your badge!
619
01:02:05,388 --> 01:02:07,723
And this time, you won't get it back.
620
01:02:17,108 --> 01:02:20,152
Wohlschlager, you're partnered up
with the black-and-white digitalization
621
01:02:20,236 --> 01:02:22,696
of Humphrey Bogart.
622
01:02:34,292 --> 01:02:36,835
What, are you making some changes?
623
01:02:37,628 --> 01:02:40,672
Come on, why don't you come
and work the funeral with me, anyway?
624
01:02:40,757 --> 01:02:44,551
I mean, I don't know, I wouldn't miss
this one. I hear Torelli spent a bundle.
625
01:02:44,635 --> 01:02:48,263
He's got a damn helicopter
circling the building.
626
01:02:48,347 --> 01:02:52,100
A rooftop funeral service in Long Beach.
How's that for taste?
627
01:02:52,185 --> 01:02:53,477
Who died?
628
01:02:53,978 --> 01:02:55,896
Leo the Fart was shot yesterday.
629
01:02:56,814 --> 01:02:59,191
Somebody was trying for Torelli and missed.
630
01:02:59,275 --> 01:03:01,401
Leo was tough.
631
01:03:01,486 --> 01:03:04,279
He could do everything
but sneak up on you.
632
01:03:04,781 --> 01:03:08,742
Look, look, if you change your mind,
I'll be in front of the hotel.
633
01:03:27,762 --> 01:03:31,306
- Where are we, anyway?
- Home.
634
01:03:46,239 --> 01:03:48,698
Geez!
How did you know there was a guy in there?
635
01:03:48,783 --> 01:03:50,992
There's always a guy in there.
636
01:03:51,077 --> 01:03:53,453
Costs me a fortune in closet doors.
637
01:03:53,538 --> 01:03:57,499
Right. Like in Slater, Part Il:
The Sagittarius Strangler.
638
01:03:57,583 --> 01:04:01,294
Yeah, in a few seconds,
you're gonna meet the Madigan strangler.
639
01:04:01,379 --> 01:04:02,879
I just got fired.
640
01:04:02,964 --> 01:04:06,091
What you find so entertaining
happens to be my life.
641
01:04:06,175 --> 01:04:08,426
Now I'm not even a cop anymore.
642
01:04:09,428 --> 01:04:11,012
You'll get your badge back.
643
01:04:11,097 --> 01:04:15,141
He was just pulling rank because you
destroyed more of the city than usual.
644
01:04:15,226 --> 01:04:18,353
Jack, you're not just my hero,
you're everybody's hero.
645
01:04:18,437 --> 01:04:21,773
And it will all be okay again. Trust me.
646
01:04:22,483 --> 01:04:24,985
No, Danny. It's getting harder.
647
01:04:26,279 --> 01:04:29,698
I never started out
to be anything but a decent cop,
648
01:04:29,782 --> 01:04:33,034
but I kept getting involved
in these crazy adventures.
649
01:04:34,120 --> 01:04:38,331
But the craziest part is, I kept surviving.
650
01:04:38,416 --> 01:04:41,626
Jack, these are the sequels.
They gotta get harder.
651
01:04:44,672 --> 01:04:46,339
But look on the good side.
652
01:04:46,424 --> 01:04:48,842
I mean, you've got a great daughter.
653
01:04:48,926 --> 01:04:50,802
And your ex-wife wouldn't keep calling if
654
01:04:50,887 --> 01:04:52,679
somewhere deep down
she didn't want you back.
655
01:04:52,763 --> 01:04:55,181
Danny, do you think I would marry
someone so stupid
656
01:04:55,266 --> 01:04:58,226
that doesn't know
the real voice from a taped one?
657
01:04:58,311 --> 01:05:01,396
I pay a cashier at the drugstore
to call me every so often at the station
658
01:05:01,480 --> 01:05:04,149
so the guys think I have a private life.
659
01:05:05,651 --> 01:05:08,194
My ex-wife, she's happily remarried.
660
01:05:08,529 --> 01:05:10,155
She never calls.
661
01:05:11,198 --> 01:05:12,616
And Whitney.
662
01:05:13,701 --> 01:05:16,411
Why can she not be like
every other teenager?
663
01:05:16,495 --> 01:05:20,040
On prom night, she stays home
and field strips an AK-47.
664
01:05:21,417 --> 01:05:24,336
She's going to die a young maid. I know it.
665
01:05:26,172 --> 01:05:28,381
I'm going to buy it soon, too.
666
01:05:28,466 --> 01:05:31,509
No way.
You can't die till the grosses go down.
667
01:05:34,555 --> 01:05:36,222
That guy Vivaldi,
668
01:05:36,307 --> 01:05:38,725
I heard him say something
was going to happen at a funeral.
669
01:05:38,851 --> 01:05:42,145
Now this Leo the Fart is going to have one.
Maybe we should look into that.
670
01:05:42,313 --> 01:05:44,189
Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say.
671
01:05:44,273 --> 01:05:48,151
Jack, it's a funeral for a guy named Fart.
Hello?
672
01:05:49,070 --> 01:05:50,236
Funeral?
673
01:05:50,321 --> 01:05:54,115
Check this out.
Someone tried to kill old man Torelli, right?
674
01:05:54,200 --> 01:05:56,826
Missed and shot Leo the Fart by mistake.
675
01:05:56,911 --> 01:05:58,453
- Right.
- Wrong.
676
01:05:58,704 --> 01:06:02,207
Who took the shot? Was it Benedict?
Most likely.
677
01:06:02,833 --> 01:06:06,711
Would he miss? No way.
Unless he wanted to miss.
678
01:06:07,046 --> 01:06:10,423
You're saying he meant to miss?
Why?
679
01:06:10,716 --> 01:06:14,386
Because, amigo,
Leo the Fart was very, very fat.
680
01:06:15,179 --> 01:06:17,263
- Get it?
- No, I don't.
681
01:06:17,556 --> 01:06:20,433
They broke in last night.
They cut Leo open like a turkey,
682
01:06:20,518 --> 01:06:23,853
stuffed him with TNT,
he goes off at the funeral
683
01:06:23,938 --> 01:06:26,982
and takes out the entire Torelli mob,
all at once.
684
01:06:27,149 --> 01:06:30,568
Vivaldi owns the town.
That's what all this has been about.
685
01:06:30,653 --> 01:06:33,029
Vivaldi's going to blow up that funeral.
686
01:06:33,114 --> 01:06:35,699
No. No. It wouldn't just be a bomb.
687
01:06:35,783 --> 01:06:38,827
I mean, we've already had
a dozen explosions in this movie.
688
01:06:38,911 --> 01:06:41,246
Danny, don't start that again.
689
01:06:42,581 --> 01:06:44,833
- Nerve gas!
- What are you talking about?
690
01:06:44,917 --> 01:06:49,212
Three canisters of nerve gas were stolen
from military trucks the night before last.
691
01:06:49,296 --> 01:06:53,258
They could have stuffed those inside him.
And you know what that means, don't you?
692
01:06:54,927 --> 01:06:58,096
Leo the Fart is going to pass gas
one more time.
693
01:07:12,862 --> 01:07:16,364
Mr. Torelli,
I hope it's all right with you I am here.
694
01:07:16,449 --> 01:07:19,826
- I don't want to be no fourth wheel.
- Nonsense, Antonio...
695
01:07:21,370 --> 01:07:22,787
Fifth wheel.
696
01:07:22,955 --> 01:07:25,123
That's nice. Thank you, thank you.
697
01:07:25,207 --> 01:07:27,375
Did you hear that, Benedict?
698
01:07:27,501 --> 01:07:28,752
Family.
699
01:07:29,378 --> 01:07:31,463
Go pay your respects, huh?
700
01:08:06,207 --> 01:08:09,292
- Stay in the car.
- No way. I'm coming with you.
701
01:08:09,376 --> 01:08:11,711
Kid, let's say this is a movie.
702
01:08:11,796 --> 01:08:15,006
How many times have you heard someone
say, "Stay in the car" and the guy doesn't?
703
01:08:15,091 --> 01:08:16,633
What happens?
704
01:08:17,009 --> 01:08:19,385
- He saves the day.
- Or gets killed.
705
01:08:19,470 --> 01:08:21,846
Good point. I'll stay in the car.
706
01:08:22,098 --> 01:08:26,184
Wait a minute! What if staying in the car
is what gets me killed?
707
01:08:26,685 --> 01:08:29,395
There's a gun in the glove compartment.
708
01:08:35,069 --> 01:08:37,237
- Practice!
- Makes perfect.
709
01:08:39,490 --> 01:08:42,408
- You decided to join me, huh?
- The Fart is a bomb.
710
01:08:42,493 --> 01:08:44,828
They're going to take out the whole
Torelli mob. We've got to stop it.
711
01:08:44,912 --> 01:08:47,789
That explains the break-in at the mortuary.
Geez, that's brilliant.
712
01:08:47,873 --> 01:08:50,917
Come on.
We'll use the service entrance in back.
713
01:08:55,673 --> 01:08:59,217
- Who are you working for, John?
- What do you mean?
714
01:08:59,385 --> 01:09:02,679
We both know
there's no side entrance to this hotel.
715
01:09:06,851 --> 01:09:10,520
Sorry, Jack.
I didn't want it to go down this way.
716
01:09:14,233 --> 01:09:16,568
Danny told me not to trust you.
717
01:09:16,986 --> 01:09:19,154
He said you killed Moe Zart.
718
01:09:19,738 --> 01:09:22,157
- Moe, who?
- Zart.
719
01:09:24,326 --> 01:09:26,953
I kill a lot of people.
I can't remember half of them.
720
01:09:27,037 --> 01:09:29,414
How do you get to Carnegie Hall?
721
01:09:31,125 --> 01:09:33,793
In a body bag, if you don't drop that.
722
01:09:35,004 --> 01:09:36,838
That's doubtful, kid.
723
01:09:37,840 --> 01:09:40,133
Real doubtful.
724
01:09:43,596 --> 01:09:46,097
Thanks for the fingerprints, kid.
725
01:09:46,265 --> 01:09:48,600
You're about to murder Jack Slater.
726
01:09:48,976 --> 01:09:51,436
Here. Chain yourself to that pipe.
727
01:09:53,189 --> 01:09:57,025
See, Jack, these drug guys, they got
more money than the U.S. Government.
728
01:09:57,109 --> 01:10:00,570
So you cut a deal
with a Sicilian scumbag like Vivaldi.
729
01:10:00,821 --> 01:10:02,405
Right you are.
730
01:10:02,865 --> 01:10:06,659
You see, Vivaldi made up with Torelli,
but it was a phony.
731
01:10:06,744 --> 01:10:08,453
He's going to destroy him.
732
01:10:08,537 --> 01:10:12,999
So, in exchange for letting him alone,
he gives me a profit percentage.
733
01:10:13,626 --> 01:10:15,376
I'll be rich, Jack.
734
01:10:15,753 --> 01:10:18,046
- You'll be dead, but...
- Freeze!
735
01:10:18,964 --> 01:10:20,632
Toss me the cuffs.
736
01:10:21,800 --> 01:10:25,386
Man, are you an idiot!
You made the classic movie mistake.
737
01:10:25,471 --> 01:10:29,557
Don't explain so much.
You had to get in those last few words.
738
01:10:29,683 --> 01:10:32,936
I mean, if you had just fired,
you would have won.
739
01:10:33,145 --> 01:10:36,147
But, no, you're the typical villain. Dumb.
740
01:10:37,524 --> 01:10:39,984
You ain't no genius yourself, kid.
741
01:10:41,237 --> 01:10:44,489
- The Fart goes off in seven minutes.
- Get my car.
742
01:10:46,992 --> 01:10:48,284
Move it.
743
01:10:50,996 --> 01:10:54,999
Well, I'd love to stay and watch the fun,
744
01:10:55,084 --> 01:10:59,837
but I have to go and establish my alibi.
745
01:11:05,177 --> 01:11:07,220
So, is this the day
you were talking about saving?
746
01:11:07,304 --> 01:11:11,015
- I don't see you doing anything.
- I wouldn't want to steal your thunder.
747
01:11:12,101 --> 01:11:13,393
No, no, no.
748
01:11:13,477 --> 01:11:17,146
You stay here and make sure
everything goes on as planned.
749
01:11:17,898 --> 01:11:23,027
You had Slater in front of the eight ball
before, but you always screwed it up.
750
01:11:24,238 --> 01:11:26,030
All right. Let's go.
751
01:11:28,867 --> 01:11:31,953
It's behind the eight ball, you moron.
752
01:11:33,038 --> 01:11:36,916
Somebody once told me I talk too much.
No more words.
753
01:11:41,213 --> 01:11:43,673
Whiskers! Where the hell have you been?
754
01:11:43,757 --> 01:11:46,009
Sorry, Jack. Fur ball problem.
755
01:11:47,094 --> 01:11:51,472
Seal off the area. There's a possible
chemical explosion in five minutes.
756
01:11:51,557 --> 01:11:56,394
- Thanks, Whiskers. I owe you one.
- Forget it. You saved my fur plenty of times.
757
01:12:00,316 --> 01:12:02,108
You see the hook of that crane?
758
01:12:02,192 --> 01:12:05,570
I want it on top of the roof
in two minutes. Go.
759
01:12:05,779 --> 01:12:08,281
Wait. How do I get them to do that?
760
01:12:34,308 --> 01:12:37,643
You got to help me move that crane!
You got to help me!
761
01:12:37,728 --> 01:12:40,521
- I got to get that crane to the roof.
- Shit.
762
01:12:40,606 --> 01:12:43,608
Hey, wait a minute!
You got to work this thing!
763
01:12:53,410 --> 01:12:55,703
I don't even know how to drive.
764
01:13:27,486 --> 01:13:30,988
- Pardon me. Excuse me.
- Hey!
765
01:13:36,995 --> 01:13:38,329
Pardon me.
766
01:13:41,667 --> 01:13:44,544
He was a good man. A flatulent man.
767
01:13:49,007 --> 01:13:50,633
Do you hear this?
768
01:13:51,176 --> 01:13:53,636
Help me. Get me out of here.
769
01:13:54,304 --> 01:13:57,140
My God! This man's not dead!
770
01:14:05,941 --> 01:14:09,861
Get out of the way! This man needs a doctor!
Out of my way.
771
01:14:09,945 --> 01:14:12,697
- This man needs a doctor!
- I'm a doctor.
772
01:14:13,073 --> 01:14:14,949
- You're a doctor?
- Yes.
773
01:14:15,534 --> 01:14:17,076
Check his chin.
774
01:14:19,037 --> 01:14:21,747
The doctor has fainted.
Can somebody help this man here?
775
01:14:21,832 --> 01:14:24,375
I'll take the corpse... I mean, the patient.
776
01:14:24,877 --> 01:14:26,586
Look, an elephant.
777
01:14:34,136 --> 01:14:36,596
Hold it! Don't shoot! He'll drop Leo!
778
01:15:00,329 --> 01:15:01,787
Don't shoot!
779
01:16:11,316 --> 01:16:12,650
Oh, shit!
780
01:16:17,990 --> 01:16:19,323
Watch out!
781
01:17:00,198 --> 01:17:04,827
It's a no-fly zone, fella.
Shit!
782
01:17:49,915 --> 01:17:55,044
Danny! He's ticking!
Move the crane as fast as you can!
783
01:18:18,151 --> 01:18:22,029
Danny! Stop the crane now! Stop it!
784
01:18:23,323 --> 01:18:26,867
Drop! Go! Go! Go! Go! Damn you! Go!
785
01:18:26,952 --> 01:18:30,413
Gas bag, drop! Damn you! Drop!
786
01:18:31,456 --> 01:18:34,625
Drop! Gas bag, drop!
787
01:18:55,605 --> 01:18:58,566
Get out of here! Everybody out!
788
01:19:38,690 --> 01:19:40,399
Silent, but deadly.
789
01:19:44,696 --> 01:19:46,489
Bring the car around.
790
01:19:46,698 --> 01:19:49,241
Can't. The helicopter landed on it.
791
01:19:50,619 --> 01:19:52,661
I hate when that happens.
792
01:19:52,829 --> 01:19:55,790
You know, tar actually
sticks to some people.
793
01:20:06,301 --> 01:20:10,596
Hey, Dad! I heard you were here.
I thought you could use some clothes.
794
01:20:10,764 --> 01:20:13,224
- Thanks, honey.
- Wait a minute.
795
01:20:14,017 --> 01:20:16,268
No one finds this a little convenient?
796
01:20:16,353 --> 01:20:19,772
Hey, kid, you always said
this is a movie, didn't you?
797
01:20:24,569 --> 01:20:26,070
How did it go?
798
01:20:29,449 --> 01:20:31,242
Hey! How did it go?
799
01:20:34,955 --> 01:20:39,333
Come on. I'm dying out here.
How was it? I want to know how it went.
800
01:20:46,842 --> 01:20:50,177
Come on, move your butt.
How did it went?
801
01:20:50,345 --> 01:20:51,637
Splendid.
802
01:20:52,305 --> 01:20:53,430
What?
803
01:20:55,100 --> 01:20:58,894
- It went splendidly!
- Wait, wait a minute. I can't hear you.
804
01:20:58,979 --> 01:21:02,606
I don't want to miss a thing.
Come here. Come here.
805
01:21:04,276 --> 01:21:06,360
- Hey, Benedict, get your stuff.
- Yes.
806
01:21:06,444 --> 01:21:09,697
- Was it beautiful?
- Perfect in every detail.
807
01:21:10,365 --> 01:21:13,367
And the gas tanks. Poof! Were they okay?
808
01:21:13,785 --> 01:21:15,327
Like clockwork.
809
01:21:15,912 --> 01:21:17,371
You should have been there.
810
01:21:17,455 --> 01:21:22,167
Men, women and children dropping
left and right, writhing and screaming.
811
01:21:22,252 --> 01:21:25,671
Wait a minute. Wait, wait. Wait a minute.
I want to enjoy it all.
812
01:21:26,089 --> 01:21:27,673
Go on, go on. Tell me, tell me.
813
01:21:27,757 --> 01:21:32,553
They were writhing and screaming and
leaping to their doom to escape the pain.
814
01:21:33,138 --> 01:21:36,140
- Really? Really?
- No, not really. I'm lying.
815
01:21:36,224 --> 01:21:38,142
It was a complete and utter balls-up
816
01:21:38,226 --> 01:21:41,520
and I've had a terrible day,
thanks largely to you.
817
01:21:42,981 --> 01:21:47,192
What is this, Benedict?
First, you're my friend. Now you turn a
818
01:21:48,653 --> 01:21:50,446
- 360 on me.
- God.
819
01:21:50,530 --> 01:21:54,366
One-eighty,
you stupid, spaghetti-slurping cretin.
820
01:21:54,451 --> 01:21:57,161
One-eighty! If I did a 360,
821
01:21:57,245 --> 01:22:00,831
I'd go completely around
and end up back where I started!
822
01:22:02,709 --> 01:22:04,710
- What?
- Trust me.
823
01:22:08,173 --> 01:22:11,926
If that little turd, Daniel Madigan,
can move through parallel worlds,
824
01:22:12,010 --> 01:22:15,429
I can move through
parallel worlds, in and out.
825
01:22:15,764 --> 01:22:20,434
In, steal whatever I want, and out again.
Impossible to catch.
826
01:22:23,104 --> 01:22:25,064
If God was a villain,
827
01:22:27,192 --> 01:22:28,525
he'd be me.
828
01:22:30,445 --> 01:22:33,364
- You want me vacuum now?
- No, thank you.
829
01:22:34,366 --> 01:22:37,451
But the pool could benefit
from some attention.
830
01:22:37,619 --> 01:22:38,994
Very good.
831
01:22:53,969 --> 01:22:55,386
Don't move.
832
01:22:58,848 --> 01:23:02,518
- All right, Slater, I'll go quietly.
- The hell you will.
833
01:23:10,610 --> 01:23:14,196
That was for blowing up
my second cousin, Frank's house.
834
01:23:14,280 --> 01:23:18,283
And this is for blowing up
my ex-wife's house.
835
01:23:20,704 --> 01:23:24,248
But this...
This is for my daughter's black eye!
836
01:23:28,753 --> 01:23:31,588
Usually, when I do that, it leaves a hole.
837
01:23:32,924 --> 01:23:37,094
The ticket. Jack, he's got the ticket!
838
01:23:38,430 --> 01:23:41,140
It's the key to everything. It's magic.
839
01:23:42,183 --> 01:23:46,437
See? That's my world!
He's gone over to my world!
840
01:23:47,188 --> 01:23:50,024
The door, it must still be open. Come on!
841
01:23:51,026 --> 01:23:53,861
I'm not worried that you're crazy anymore.
842
01:23:54,779 --> 01:23:57,072
I'm worried that you're right.
843
01:23:58,867 --> 01:24:01,201
But if I go, how do I get back?
844
01:24:01,369 --> 01:24:04,329
You can't go through life
nitpicking every little thing.
845
01:24:04,414 --> 01:24:05,914
Now, come on!
846
01:24:11,212 --> 01:24:12,838
The hell with it.
847
01:24:19,429 --> 01:24:21,430
There was nothing to it.
848
01:24:23,933 --> 01:24:27,811
- We're still here.
- Are you sure about that? Look.
849
01:24:32,400 --> 01:24:34,068
Quickly! Quickly!
850
01:24:36,237 --> 01:24:39,281
- I want to see if Nick's okay.
- There's no time. Come on.
851
01:24:42,577 --> 01:24:45,496
What the hell? We're in New York.
852
01:24:45,997 --> 01:24:47,915
Jack, it all makes sense.
853
01:24:47,999 --> 01:24:51,668
No, actually it makes absolutely no sense,
but I'll try to explain it you. Later.
854
01:24:51,795 --> 01:24:55,339
Meantime, please be careful.
Things work different here.
855
01:24:59,511 --> 01:25:02,179
- Get out!
- All right. Don't get feisty.
856
01:25:02,806 --> 01:25:06,225
- The car's a piece ofjunk, anyway.
- Drive, bonehead!
857
01:25:09,437 --> 01:25:12,481
Here's another explosion for your movie, kid.
858
01:25:18,321 --> 01:25:20,531
Not a word. Not one word.
859
01:25:31,835 --> 01:25:35,420
- My hand. It really hurts.
- Things work different here.
860
01:25:35,505 --> 01:25:38,507
You can't smash a car window with your
bare hand and not have it hurt.
861
01:25:38,591 --> 01:25:42,344
Thanks for sharing.
You couldn't have told me this earlier?
862
01:25:46,182 --> 01:25:50,519
- I think the taxis are bulletproof.
- Jack, We got to get that ticket back.
863
01:26:10,081 --> 01:26:14,418
No way, Slater. Please. Listen to me.
It won't work, you hear me?
864
01:26:14,752 --> 01:26:17,546
You can't play chicken in real life.
You'll crash!
865
01:26:17,630 --> 01:26:19,548
Out of the car, amigo.
866
01:26:20,091 --> 01:26:23,677
This isn't the movies anymore, Jack.
Here, you have to reload guns...
867
01:26:23,761 --> 01:26:27,181
- Go, Danny! Get out!
- Car crashes can kill you! You hear me?
868
01:26:28,183 --> 01:26:32,561
You are going to die! Jack!
869
01:26:33,897 --> 01:26:35,439
What did I do?
870
01:26:42,947 --> 01:26:44,698
Oh, Christ, please.
871
01:26:56,044 --> 01:26:57,586
Damn it, that hurt.
872
01:26:57,670 --> 01:27:00,881
You're lucky you're still alive,
you dumb idiot!
873
01:27:00,965 --> 01:27:06,261
Hey, '89 Mercury Sable,
standard driver's-side air bag.
874
01:27:06,512 --> 01:27:09,097
Checker Cab, no air bag. Who is dumb?
875
01:27:09,182 --> 01:27:11,558
Okay, okay. Just make sure they're dead.
876
01:27:11,643 --> 01:27:13,977
- Give me a break. They're dead.
- Just check, will you?
877
01:27:14,062 --> 01:27:17,856
- Look. Dead.
- They always look dead! Like in Die Hard.
878
01:27:17,941 --> 01:27:22,653
The guy's hanging there by his neck
and at the end of the movie he comes back.
879
01:27:24,822 --> 01:27:27,199
All right. Make sure to cover me.
880
01:27:27,408 --> 01:27:29,993
I think he's got a windshield wiper.
881
01:27:36,125 --> 01:27:38,126
Maybe he used the ticket.
882
01:27:41,130 --> 01:27:43,465
Maybe it's on all the time now.
883
01:27:58,022 --> 01:27:59,815
What is this place?
884
01:28:01,484 --> 01:28:03,026
Where am I now?
885
01:28:06,072 --> 01:28:09,491
Danny, you got a place I can sit down?
886
01:28:11,786 --> 01:28:13,787
Yeah. Come on.
887
01:28:16,708 --> 01:28:18,292
Nick! Nick!
888
01:28:18,751 --> 01:28:22,921
Danny. Oh, my God.
I was so worried. Are you okay?
889
01:28:23,131 --> 01:28:25,215
Did you see what happened?
890
01:28:25,383 --> 01:28:27,801
No, I slept the sleep of the dead, kid,
in here until
891
01:28:27,885 --> 01:28:30,971
I woke up at 2:00 in the morning
and I figured you'd gone home.
892
01:28:31,055 --> 01:28:33,807
I wasn't home, Nick. I was in the movie.
893
01:28:35,685 --> 01:28:38,979
I'm getting a little up in years, kid.
Define "in."
894
01:28:39,272 --> 01:28:41,398
Whitney kissed me on the mouth.
895
01:28:41,482 --> 01:28:45,360
I drove one of those great big cranes and
dropped Leo the Fart in the La Brea Tar Pits.
896
01:28:45,445 --> 01:28:48,488
I was with Jack Slater every step of the way!
897
01:28:52,243 --> 01:28:54,202
Oh, my God.
898
01:28:56,789 --> 01:28:58,582
The ticket works?
899
01:29:00,084 --> 01:29:04,212
I could have used it all this time
and I never used it 'cause I...
900
01:29:04,756 --> 01:29:06,590
I was too frightened.
901
01:29:08,259 --> 01:29:11,303
But it's not too late. I can still go visit
902
01:29:12,680 --> 01:29:14,348
Garbo in Camille.
903
01:29:15,850 --> 01:29:18,935
Jean Harlow. Oh, boy, I had a crush...
904
01:29:20,313 --> 01:29:22,105
Monroe in Bus Stop.
905
01:29:25,610 --> 01:29:30,238
Forgive me for going on like that, sir.
I'm a great admirer of your work, too.
906
01:29:30,656 --> 01:29:32,908
Nick, it isn't who you think.
907
01:29:34,243 --> 01:29:36,411
You mean, it's... Is he...
908
01:29:37,622 --> 01:29:40,624
This is a wonderful moment
for me, Mr. Slater.
909
01:29:40,792 --> 01:29:43,919
I've never met a fictional character before.
910
01:29:45,630 --> 01:29:48,632
How new and exciting
this must all be for you.
911
01:29:50,051 --> 01:29:52,928
Hey, I just found out I was imaginary.
912
01:29:53,471 --> 01:29:56,765
I mean, how would you feel if you found out
that somebody made you up?
913
01:29:56,849 --> 01:30:00,435
Your job, your marriage, your kids.
914
01:30:02,271 --> 01:30:05,315
Oh, yeah.
Let's push his son off the building.
915
01:30:05,691 --> 01:30:07,901
Gives you nightmares the rest of your life.
916
01:30:07,985 --> 01:30:11,279
But you're fictional, so who cares? I'm sorry,
917
01:30:11,656 --> 01:30:13,782
but I don't find it so new and exciting
to discover
918
01:30:13,866 --> 01:30:16,159
that my whole life has been a damn movie.
919
01:30:16,244 --> 01:30:18,912
Well, you're young and impressionable.
920
01:30:19,997 --> 01:30:22,791
You know,
there's lots worse things than movies.
921
01:30:22,875 --> 01:30:28,672
There's politicians and wars and forest fires,
and famine and plague...
922
01:30:30,508 --> 01:30:34,719
- Sickness, pain, warts, politicians...
- You already mentioned them.
923
01:30:35,012 --> 01:30:38,348
I know I did.
They're twice as bad as anything else.
924
01:30:39,308 --> 01:30:42,602
Most of my life's been movies, too.
Well, showing them.
925
01:30:42,687 --> 01:30:45,021
But that's all over for me now.
926
01:30:45,815 --> 01:30:50,068
The theater's shut. I'm gonna clear out
my stuff, and then it's the wrecking ball.
927
01:30:50,153 --> 01:30:54,406
But now, I got another chance.
Could I have the ticket back, please?
928
01:30:54,699 --> 01:30:58,452
Well... We've got this one little
929
01:31:00,663 --> 01:31:03,206
- hiccup.
- What do you mean "hiccup"?
930
01:31:04,375 --> 01:31:07,419
Benedict's here, too, and he's got the ticket.
931
01:31:07,545 --> 01:31:09,880
That madman with the glass eye?
932
01:31:13,718 --> 01:31:17,471
- How the hell are you going to get back?
- That's a good question.
933
01:31:17,555 --> 01:31:20,557
But we wouldn't want to nitpick.
Right, Danny?
934
01:31:25,188 --> 01:31:27,522
Now, you just follow my lead.
935
01:31:32,653 --> 01:31:36,406
Where have you been?
Have you got any idea what time it is?
936
01:31:36,741 --> 01:31:39,951
The police called.
You're not there, you're not here.
937
01:31:40,036 --> 01:31:41,870
Mom, I'm sorry. Okay?
938
01:31:43,247 --> 01:31:44,289
"Okay?"
939
01:31:45,041 --> 01:31:47,626
There are nine million kids
out there with guns
940
01:31:47,710 --> 01:31:50,921
and that's all
you have to say to me, "Okay?"
941
01:31:51,464 --> 01:31:54,341
- Will you get in here?
- Well... Mom, wait.
942
01:31:55,259 --> 01:31:58,929
You know how you always say
you wished I had more friends?
943
01:31:59,180 --> 01:32:00,430
Well...
944
01:32:08,439 --> 01:32:10,273
Hello, Mrs. Madigan.
945
01:32:11,150 --> 01:32:13,068
Arnold Braunschweiger.
946
01:32:32,755 --> 01:32:35,173
Sweetheart, want to have a party?
947
01:32:39,512 --> 01:32:42,138
- How old are you?
- Forget it.
948
01:32:53,109 --> 01:32:58,488
No, you get the shoes! Take the shoes!
Come on, we ain't got time. Come on!
949
01:33:02,618 --> 01:33:04,160
Take his shoes?
950
01:33:29,020 --> 01:33:30,395
No screams?
951
01:33:34,108 --> 01:33:35,483
No sirens?
952
01:33:41,032 --> 01:33:42,365
Excuse me!
953
01:33:44,368 --> 01:33:46,536
- Excuse me!
- Yeah?
954
01:33:49,206 --> 01:33:53,335
I'm sorry to bother you.
I wonder if you'd help me test a theory.
955
01:33:53,419 --> 01:33:55,545
Sure. What can I do for you?
956
01:33:56,589 --> 01:33:57,839
Well...
957
01:34:16,734 --> 01:34:17,901
Hello?
958
01:34:19,570 --> 01:34:22,947
I've just shot somebody. I did it on purpose!
959
01:34:28,371 --> 01:34:33,541
I said, I have murdered a man,
and I want to confess!
960
01:34:34,418 --> 01:34:36,419
Hey, shut up down there!
961
01:34:41,676 --> 01:34:46,179
I don't know what to say.
I feel a little shy and embarrassed right now,
962
01:34:46,263 --> 01:34:50,183
but, I mean, I understand that,
for some reason, we look alike.
963
01:34:50,976 --> 01:34:52,143
It's crazy...
964
01:34:52,228 --> 01:34:56,940
The thing is, you really do look uncannily
like him except for one thing, the eyes.
965
01:34:57,024 --> 01:35:00,735
- You are obviously much more intelligent.
- Thank you.
966
01:35:00,820 --> 01:35:03,530
Good morning. Good afternoon.
Good to see you.
967
01:35:03,614 --> 01:35:05,240
What kind of eggs do you want?
968
01:35:05,324 --> 01:35:09,077
Scrambled.
Have you guys been up all night?
969
01:35:09,161 --> 01:35:11,246
Why didn't you tell me that Jack was a cop
970
01:35:11,330 --> 01:35:13,039
and why didn't you tell me
you spent the whole night
971
01:35:13,124 --> 01:35:14,999
in a police station looking at mug shots?
972
01:35:15,084 --> 01:35:17,335
You could have taken two minutes
to call your mother.
973
01:35:17,420 --> 01:35:19,671
Why didn't you tell me you had no friends?
974
01:35:19,755 --> 01:35:22,257
And what is this business
about going to the movies at midnight
975
01:35:22,341 --> 01:35:25,176
when you knew
your mother would be worried?
976
01:35:29,014 --> 01:35:33,935
Mom. You turned him into a wimp.
977
01:35:34,562 --> 01:35:36,730
Oh, I think not. Toast?
978
01:35:37,064 --> 01:35:38,481
No, thanks.
979
01:35:39,817 --> 01:35:42,193
Jack, are you okay?
980
01:35:44,488 --> 01:35:45,822
We talked.
981
01:35:46,157 --> 01:35:49,826
I mean, I never just talked
to a woman before. It's neat.
982
01:35:50,619 --> 01:35:51,745
Neat?
983
01:35:53,998 --> 01:35:57,375
Wimp. Next, they'll be talking about sex.
984
01:35:58,794 --> 01:36:02,255
Me and Jack are going out today!
I'm helping him on a case!
985
01:36:02,339 --> 01:36:03,298
Oh, no.
986
01:36:03,382 --> 01:36:06,760
Your license to kill
expired at 4:00 this morning, young man.
987
01:36:06,844 --> 01:36:09,012
Get in here and eat some eggs.
988
01:36:10,473 --> 01:36:14,225
Mom, I have to help. I'm the only witness.
989
01:36:14,310 --> 01:36:16,936
You know, like the kid in the movie
with Harrison Ford?
990
01:36:17,021 --> 01:36:18,980
There is no comparison.
991
01:36:19,857 --> 01:36:21,065
We're not Jewish.
992
01:36:21,150 --> 01:36:23,276
- Amish.
- Whatever-ish!
993
01:36:23,360 --> 01:36:29,115
Irene. Don't worry. It won't be that hard.
There are eight million in this city.
994
01:36:29,200 --> 01:36:31,117
And I'm very good at catching people.
995
01:36:31,202 --> 01:36:35,705
Yeah! And the future of
the world may be at stake, and, and maybe...
996
01:36:38,918 --> 01:36:40,835
Could you turn this up, please?
997
01:36:45,758 --> 01:36:47,175
What's that?
998
01:36:47,760 --> 01:36:50,386
- Mozart.
- The guy Practice killed?
999
01:36:52,973 --> 01:36:54,766
That's right, Jack.
1000
01:36:55,518 --> 01:36:57,560
You like classical music?
1001
01:37:00,356 --> 01:37:04,651
I don't know. I think I will. Wow.
1002
01:37:14,662 --> 01:37:17,080
You tell my mom who you really were?
1003
01:37:17,164 --> 01:37:18,665
Yeah, a cop from LA.
1004
01:37:18,749 --> 01:37:20,124
I mean, really.
1005
01:37:20,751 --> 01:37:23,378
Well, real enough. For right now.
1006
01:37:25,923 --> 01:37:28,258
So you think for sure
you're going to catch him?
1007
01:37:28,342 --> 01:37:30,426
I always catch everybody.
1008
01:37:30,511 --> 01:37:32,846
And you're going to spot him from up here?
1009
01:37:32,930 --> 01:37:37,267
Hey, give me a break.
It's the first time I've been to anyplace real.
1010
01:37:39,603 --> 01:37:41,771
Now, this ticket of yours...
1011
01:37:42,439 --> 01:37:44,566
It worked in one movie.
1012
01:37:45,234 --> 01:37:47,610
Does that mean
that Benedict could use it again?
1013
01:37:47,695 --> 01:37:50,780
You mean on other movies?
Why would he want to do that?
1014
01:37:52,533 --> 01:37:54,242
I don't know.
1015
01:37:56,078 --> 01:37:57,453
But it's a start.
1016
01:37:57,997 --> 01:38:00,582
The possibilities are limitless.
1017
01:38:00,666 --> 01:38:03,668
But I realized after the car crash
1018
01:38:03,752 --> 01:38:06,379
that the ultimate freedom
would always elude me
1019
01:38:06,463 --> 01:38:10,717
until Jack Slater was,
and forgive the pun, taken out of the picture.
1020
01:38:11,635 --> 01:38:16,431
And I thought perhaps
you might like to be inclined to help.
1021
01:38:18,767 --> 01:38:23,104
Look, I understand that
all this must be strange and difficult for you,
1022
01:38:23,188 --> 01:38:27,483
but if you do this right,
the world is your oyster. Trust me.
1023
01:38:29,653 --> 01:38:33,114
You can have complete freedom
to do whatever you want.
1024
01:38:34,074 --> 01:38:36,409
Beyond even your wildest dreams.
1025
01:38:37,703 --> 01:38:41,873
And you'll never have to
go back to this film again.
1026
01:38:45,044 --> 01:38:49,964
Now I know you've never heard of this man,
but his actual name, believe it or not,
1027
01:38:50,049 --> 01:38:52,050
is Arnold Schwarzenegger.
1028
01:38:53,844 --> 01:38:56,512
Jack, there's got to be a thousand theaters
in this city
1029
01:38:56,597 --> 01:38:58,348
and we've been looking for five hours.
1030
01:38:58,474 --> 01:39:00,683
We are that close in catching him.
1031
01:39:00,768 --> 01:39:02,769
No, Jack.
We're that close to catching pneumonia.
1032
01:39:02,853 --> 01:39:05,939
- Look, in my world, they just leave clues.
- But we're not in your world!
1033
01:39:06,023 --> 01:39:08,066
Or they just show up and then kidnap me.
1034
01:39:08,150 --> 01:39:12,278
That kind of stuff doesn't happen here, Jack,
because this world stinks!
1035
01:39:12,363 --> 01:39:15,448
Hey.
The world is what you make of it, Danny.
1036
01:39:15,532 --> 01:39:18,952
Now if you want to give up
and go home, then go ahead.
1037
01:39:20,371 --> 01:39:23,247
You believed in me in the movies.
Why not now?
1038
01:39:23,332 --> 01:39:25,458
Because here, you're just...
1039
01:39:27,461 --> 01:39:28,836
Just what?
1040
01:39:48,941 --> 01:39:52,068
Jack... Jack, there he is!
1041
01:40:07,459 --> 01:40:08,584
Jack!
1042
01:40:16,427 --> 01:40:17,635
Are you nuts?
1043
01:40:18,929 --> 01:40:20,805
- Damn it!
- Hey, you crazy asshole!
1044
01:40:20,889 --> 01:40:22,223
Jack, he's just a cabbie!
1045
01:40:22,307 --> 01:40:23,683
You've seen those movies where they say,
1046
01:40:23,767 --> 01:40:25,727
"Make my day"
or "I am your worst nightmare."
1047
01:40:25,811 --> 01:40:28,980
Well, listen to this one,
rubber baby buggy bumpers.
1048
01:40:29,064 --> 01:40:31,774
Ha! You didn't know I'm gonna say that,
did you?
1049
01:40:33,193 --> 01:40:34,527
- Where did he go? Talk!
- How would I know?
1050
01:40:34,611 --> 01:40:37,405
The guy was in the back reading the paper.
1051
01:40:39,867 --> 01:40:43,536
You were right, Jack.
He has been going to the movies.
1052
01:40:43,620 --> 01:40:46,039
Kid, that ain't the half of it.
1053
01:40:48,083 --> 01:40:51,461
Hi, I'm Army Archerd,
and we are live to you from New York.
1054
01:40:51,545 --> 01:40:53,755
We're just moments away
from the world premiere of
1055
01:40:53,839 --> 01:40:57,050
Arnold Schwarzenegger's Jack Slater IV.
1056
01:40:57,134 --> 01:41:00,595
And here's the man they've come to see,
folks. There's no mistaking that car.
1057
01:41:00,679 --> 01:41:05,767
Here they are, Arnold Schwarzenegger
and his lovely wife, Maria Shriver.
1058
01:41:07,895 --> 01:41:10,772
- So good to see you all.
- Are you a big-time fan of Jack Slater films?
1059
01:41:10,856 --> 01:41:15,401
I've enjoyed...
It was just beautiful... I just loved it.
1060
01:41:15,486 --> 01:41:17,570
The National Enquirer. Don't talk to them.
Okay?
1061
01:41:17,654 --> 01:41:20,615
Hi, how are you?
Look, Time magazine. That's great. Hi.
1062
01:41:20,783 --> 01:41:22,992
Hi. How are you? Hello.
1063
01:41:23,619 --> 01:41:25,536
Now remember, don't plug the restaurants.
1064
01:41:25,621 --> 01:41:29,082
I just hate it when you plug
the restaurants or the gyms. It's so tacky.
1065
01:41:29,166 --> 01:41:30,666
So why was he going to the movies?
1066
01:41:30,751 --> 01:41:31,918
Maybe to get help.
1067
01:41:32,002 --> 01:41:35,755
Benedict can do damn near anything
with the ticket, but we still know who he is.
1068
01:41:35,839 --> 01:41:38,508
- So he's got to take us out.
- He can't get to you.
1069
01:41:38,592 --> 01:41:42,762
Suppose he doesn't have to get to me.
Suppose all he has to do is get to him.
1070
01:41:42,846 --> 01:41:45,306
Benedict is going to kill Schwarzenegger.
1071
01:41:45,390 --> 01:41:49,435
- Who's Schwarzenegger, who's Slater.
- Bingo.
1072
01:41:51,188 --> 01:41:52,855
We kill less people in this movie.
1073
01:41:52,940 --> 01:41:55,191
This movie we only killed 48 people
1074
01:41:55,275 --> 01:41:57,860
compared to the last one,
where we killed 119.
1075
01:41:57,945 --> 01:41:59,987
And I want to make sure that the action fans
understand
1076
01:42:00,072 --> 01:42:04,033
we make up for it with a good story,
lot of emotions, depth, dimensions...
1077
01:42:04,535 --> 01:42:06,410
There are thousands in attendance
here tonight.
1078
01:42:06,495 --> 01:42:09,455
And millions more are
listening to us live around the world.
1079
01:42:09,540 --> 01:42:12,208
I'm going to direct it,
produce it, and star in it.
1080
01:42:12,292 --> 01:42:14,460
- Is this guy a success story, or what?
- It's unbelievable.
1081
01:42:14,545 --> 01:42:15,795
Only in America.
1082
01:42:15,879 --> 01:42:17,421
Well, only in Hollywood, I would say.
1083
01:42:17,506 --> 01:42:19,006
And talking about Hollywood,
1084
01:42:19,091 --> 01:42:22,468
at Planet Hollywood, we have this incredible
memorabilia. Yes, I'm telling you...
1085
01:42:22,553 --> 01:42:24,345
Excuse us, we're just gonna get going.
Thanks very much.
1086
01:42:24,429 --> 01:42:25,930
...absolutely fabulous. I'm telling you.
1087
01:42:26,014 --> 01:42:28,307
You embarrassed me, you low-forehead.
It was humiliating.
1088
01:42:28,392 --> 01:42:30,059
How could you do something like that?
1089
01:42:31,270 --> 01:42:34,647
Chris, check this out. Look, it's the Ripper
from Jack Slater III.
1090
01:42:34,731 --> 01:42:36,190
Scary.
1091
01:42:36,567 --> 01:42:39,652
Let's "ax" him a question, okay?
See if we can get him over here.
1092
01:42:39,736 --> 01:42:41,070
Wow, will you look at this?
A method villain.
1093
01:42:41,155 --> 01:42:43,865
Rip, Rip, come here.
What brings you here tonight?
1094
01:42:43,949 --> 01:42:48,703
I... I thought I might kill someone.
1095
01:42:49,705 --> 01:42:51,497
Maybe you should start with
your designer.
1096
01:42:51,582 --> 01:42:54,709
Nobody wants to miss out tonight.
The limos just keep coming.
1097
01:42:54,793 --> 01:42:57,503
The stars are really shining in Times Square.
1098
01:42:57,588 --> 01:43:00,715
Excuse me, sir.
Could I see your invitation?
1099
01:43:02,384 --> 01:43:05,428
Pete, it's okay.
He's with me. I'm his agent.
1100
01:43:05,512 --> 01:43:07,555
Jesus Christ, Tom, come here.
1101
01:43:07,639 --> 01:43:10,141
My goodness, it's Tom Noonan, of course,
1102
01:43:10,225 --> 01:43:13,686
the actor who played the Ripper.
Who plays the Rip...
1103
01:43:13,770 --> 01:43:14,770
What?
1104
01:43:14,855 --> 01:43:17,190
What are you, nuts? You want to play
ax killers the rest of your life?
1105
01:43:17,274 --> 01:43:18,357
Honey, honey, come here.
1106
01:43:18,442 --> 01:43:20,276
I'm gonna need the manager's office
for about five, 10 minutes.
1107
01:43:20,360 --> 01:43:21,986
- I'm sorry, sir...
- You're sorry? Here's 50 bucks.
1108
01:43:22,070 --> 01:43:23,070
How sorry are you now?
1109
01:43:23,155 --> 01:43:25,156
What do you think
Jack Slater says about America?
1110
01:43:25,240 --> 01:43:26,574
I really want to hear it.
1111
01:43:26,658 --> 01:43:27,658
I don't really want to hear it.
1112
01:43:27,743 --> 01:43:31,454
I'm not really a big fan ofArnold's
but she is, you know.
1113
01:43:32,289 --> 01:43:36,626
Arnold really turns her on and I just want to
be there when it happens, that's all.
1114
01:43:36,960 --> 01:43:39,670
Good, Tom, you got the props, too.
That's terrific.
1115
01:43:39,755 --> 01:43:41,964
Why don't you just whip a hibachi
out from under your coat there?
1116
01:43:42,049 --> 01:43:44,217
And we could make some shish kebabs
for the critics. That'd be good.
1117
01:43:44,301 --> 01:43:47,136
You're lucky I have a friend
who rents tuxedos.
1118
01:43:47,221 --> 01:43:50,932
Hello. Yeah. I know it's late. Tell him it's me.
1119
01:43:52,059 --> 01:43:54,560
Did Nicholson show up to the premiere
of Batman dressed as the Joker?
1120
01:43:54,645 --> 01:43:56,395
I don't think so.
1121
01:43:57,022 --> 01:43:59,565
Hi, Murray,
get me your brother-in-law, will you?
1122
01:43:59,650 --> 01:44:01,108
Yes, it's important.
1123
01:44:01,193 --> 01:44:04,612
It fits nice. Moving the button was
a good idea. Just get...
1124
01:44:04,696 --> 01:44:06,739
Hey, Marv. Yeah, I need a tux.
1125
01:44:10,994 --> 01:44:13,454
- What the hell was that?
- Hey! Watch it!
1126
01:44:13,538 --> 01:44:16,540
You're a big action guy.
What do you think about this?
1127
01:44:16,625 --> 01:44:19,001
I would never miss
the premiere for a second.
1128
01:44:19,086 --> 01:44:23,547
Where am I sitting? Where?
Where am I sitting?
1129
01:44:24,383 --> 01:44:25,675
There's two balconies.
1130
01:44:25,759 --> 01:44:29,345
I believe you're in the upper...
Lower balcony.
1131
01:44:29,429 --> 01:44:30,930
- You stay here...
- Yeah, I know. I stay here.
1132
01:44:31,014 --> 01:44:32,390
And be careful.
1133
01:44:43,485 --> 01:44:47,989
Somebody should
be checking that other balcony. Definitely!
1134
01:44:58,750 --> 01:45:01,627
Arnold, look. Deal's done, right?
1135
01:45:02,254 --> 01:45:04,672
- What?
- Slater V, the soundtrack.
1136
01:45:47,799 --> 01:45:49,675
I'll be a son of a...
1137
01:45:49,760 --> 01:45:51,218
Jack!
1138
01:45:51,303 --> 01:45:54,805
Jack! It's the Ripper!
He's brought back the Ripper!
1139
01:45:56,475 --> 01:45:59,268
Jack, Benedict's brought back the Ripper!
1140
01:46:02,939 --> 01:46:05,274
Everybody down! Now!
1141
01:46:11,114 --> 01:46:12,573
Get off me!
1142
01:46:20,999 --> 01:46:22,792
Get the hell off me.
1143
01:46:24,544 --> 01:46:27,713
The studio should let me know
when they're planning a stunt.
1144
01:46:27,798 --> 01:46:31,133
You know, you are the best
celebrity look-alike I've ever seen.
1145
01:46:32,636 --> 01:46:33,886
Why not?
1146
01:46:45,649 --> 01:46:47,566
Hey, if you get to Los Angeles,
1147
01:46:47,651 --> 01:46:50,361
call my office.
We can get you shopping center openings...
1148
01:46:50,445 --> 01:46:54,615
Look, I don't really like you. All right?
You've brought me nothing but pain.
1149
01:46:54,699 --> 01:46:56,409
Jack, help!
1150
01:46:59,329 --> 01:47:01,205
Did anyone come out of here?
1151
01:47:01,289 --> 01:47:03,499
Did you see anyone come out here?
1152
01:47:04,793 --> 01:47:07,795
Did you see a crazy guy with an ax
coming out of here?
1153
01:47:07,879 --> 01:47:09,338
No, no. I didn't.
1154
01:47:21,101 --> 01:47:24,228
Hey, Jack. What kept you?
1155
01:47:27,691 --> 01:47:29,692
Are you all right, Danny?
1156
01:47:30,360 --> 01:47:31,986
Yes... Yes, sir.
1157
01:47:35,782 --> 01:47:38,826
You know, I tried to change, Jack.
1158
01:47:38,910 --> 01:47:45,749
I really tried to do what he told me to do,
but you know, I kept hearing that old music.
1159
01:47:47,002 --> 01:47:49,712
That's how I knew you'd come here, Jack.
1160
01:47:51,131 --> 01:47:52,548
Now, lose the piece.
1161
01:47:57,554 --> 01:47:58,679
There.
1162
01:47:59,514 --> 01:48:03,100
It's now between you and me,
so let the boy go.
1163
01:48:03,185 --> 01:48:06,145
Hey, we've played this number before,
haven't we, Jack?
1164
01:48:06,229 --> 01:48:07,938
Let's see, what comes next?
1165
01:48:08,398 --> 01:48:13,569
You throw the gun away, right?
We did that part and...
1166
01:48:14,571 --> 01:48:18,699
And then you tell me to let the kid go and...
1167
01:48:20,160 --> 01:48:23,287
I'm getting bored.
Why don't we just skip to the end?
1168
01:48:35,592 --> 01:48:38,469
Come on, Jack! Come on.
1169
01:48:38,553 --> 01:48:40,846
Over here, right here, Jack. Come on.
Right here.
1170
01:48:40,931 --> 01:48:45,935
Come on, Jack! Let's go, man.
Come here, Jack. Come on, Jack.
1171
01:48:46,019 --> 01:48:49,730
Let's go, let's go. Come on. Let's do it, Jack.
1172
01:49:09,501 --> 01:49:15,214
I'll be back!
1173
01:49:21,471 --> 01:49:23,180
The hell you will.
1174
01:49:27,435 --> 01:49:29,186
Jack!
1175
01:49:30,939 --> 01:49:32,815
- Danny?
- Jack, please!
1176
01:49:32,899 --> 01:49:34,233
Danny!
1177
01:49:36,152 --> 01:49:39,822
Danny! I'll be right there.
I'm coming! Hang on!
1178
01:49:44,744 --> 01:49:46,579
Just hang on now.
1179
01:49:49,666 --> 01:49:53,627
- Jack, help!
- Hold on, Danny! I'll be right there.
1180
01:49:55,589 --> 01:49:57,006
I'm coming.
1181
01:49:58,216 --> 01:49:59,842
Jack, hurry!
1182
01:50:00,427 --> 01:50:03,345
Hold on, Danny, and don't look down!
1183
01:50:05,557 --> 01:50:08,017
Oh, God, please, don't let him die.
1184
01:50:09,769 --> 01:50:11,353
Now, listen, kid.
1185
01:50:12,188 --> 01:50:14,898
You grab my hand, and we get out of here.
1186
01:50:15,817 --> 01:50:18,360
I can't, Jack. We'll fall.
1187
01:50:18,445 --> 01:50:22,072
Come on, now. Danny, trust me.
1188
01:50:23,408 --> 01:50:24,533
I can't do it, Jack.
1189
01:50:24,618 --> 01:50:26,869
Listen to me, Danny. Listen to me.
1190
01:50:26,953 --> 01:50:29,455
You hold on with your feet, with your legs
1191
01:50:29,539 --> 01:50:35,127
and you let your hands go
and I will catch you. Okay? Believe in me.
1192
01:50:35,211 --> 01:50:39,298
I will catch you. Now, get my hand. Let's go.
1193
01:50:39,382 --> 01:50:42,593
Go for it, now. Come on, Danny. Yes.
1194
01:51:03,031 --> 01:51:05,449
This hero stuff has its limits.
1195
01:51:13,458 --> 01:51:18,003
I need a hospital.
I think my shoulder is out of the socket.
1196
01:51:18,088 --> 01:51:20,422
Will the morgue suffice?
1197
01:51:21,716 --> 01:51:23,092
Get down, Danny.
1198
01:51:28,431 --> 01:51:32,851
Give it up, Benedict.
The whole lobby is swarming with cops.
1199
01:51:32,936 --> 01:51:37,064
I think I can manage to avoid them,
but if not,
1200
01:51:37,148 --> 01:51:40,943
I've another
little explosive surprise for them.
1201
01:51:44,447 --> 01:51:47,491
Gentlemen, since
you're about to die anyway,
1202
01:51:47,575 --> 01:51:51,370
I may as well tell you the entire plot.
1203
01:51:51,454 --> 01:51:57,042
Think of villains, Jack.
You want Dracula? Dracula? Hang on.
1204
01:51:57,585 --> 01:52:02,798
I'll fetch him. Dracula. I can get King Kong.
1205
01:52:03,299 --> 01:52:08,554
We'll have a nightmare with Freddy Krueger.
Have a surprise party for Adolf Hitler.
1206
01:52:08,638 --> 01:52:10,973
Hannibal Lecter can do the catering.
1207
01:52:11,057 --> 01:52:14,977
And then we'll all
have a christening for Rosemary's baby.
1208
01:52:17,105 --> 01:52:21,066
All I have to do
is snap my fingers and they'll be here.
1209
01:52:21,151 --> 01:52:24,737
They're lining up to get here,
and do you know why, Jack?
1210
01:52:24,821 --> 01:52:26,572
Shall I tell you why?
1211
01:52:26,656 --> 01:52:31,660
Because here in this world,
the bad guys can win.
1212
01:52:33,037 --> 01:52:35,164
I shall miss you, Jack.
1213
01:52:43,506 --> 01:52:49,845
Gee, did you make a movie mistake!
You forgot to reload the damn gun.
1214
01:52:49,929 --> 01:52:53,849
No, Jack. I just left one chamber empty.
1215
01:53:00,398 --> 01:53:01,857
Son of a...
1216
01:53:10,116 --> 01:53:12,868
My arm! You broke my arm!
1217
01:53:17,499 --> 01:53:18,999
You see, Jack,
1218
01:53:20,376 --> 01:53:23,170
bad guys can win.
1219
01:53:39,062 --> 01:53:40,270
Jack!
1220
01:53:42,065 --> 01:53:43,565
Now!
1221
01:53:44,734 --> 01:53:47,027
No sequel for you.
1222
01:53:54,369 --> 01:53:55,744
The ticket.
1223
01:54:47,797 --> 01:54:49,298
Take him home.
1224
01:54:49,924 --> 01:54:53,135
Take him back to
where this is just a flesh wound.
1225
01:54:55,471 --> 01:54:59,808
Don't you understand?
We got to get him back to the movies.
1226
01:55:01,644 --> 01:55:03,729
I said turn around.
1227
01:55:08,985 --> 01:55:12,654
Great! Just great!
They always run away.
1228
01:55:12,739 --> 01:55:14,281
Hang on, Jack.
1229
01:55:16,367 --> 01:55:19,286
Danny, do you know how to drive?
1230
01:55:19,370 --> 01:55:21,330
Sure. I watched you, didn't I?
1231
01:55:59,535 --> 01:56:01,536
Get out of the way!
1232
01:56:12,507 --> 01:56:15,467
Nick, fire up the projector. Hurry!
1233
01:56:15,551 --> 01:56:16,885
- Slater's dying.
- What happened?
1234
01:56:16,970 --> 01:56:21,223
- You got the ticket?
- No, but it's got to work, anyway. It's got to!
1235
01:56:35,238 --> 01:56:38,281
Just hold on, Jack. You'll make it.
This is gonna work.
1236
01:56:40,743 --> 01:56:42,244
It's got to be here, Jack.
1237
01:56:48,126 --> 01:56:52,462
Please, please.
Nick, hurry! The door won't open.
1238
01:56:52,547 --> 01:56:55,882
No sweat, kid. You tried.
1239
01:56:58,720 --> 01:57:00,679
It's got to be here.
1240
01:57:09,689 --> 01:57:11,106
Just hold...
1241
01:57:15,028 --> 01:57:19,031
Where do you think you're going?
Back off. You can't have him.
1242
01:57:19,115 --> 01:57:22,784
I've had it up to here with you, Mister.
Who stays, who goes...
1243
01:57:22,869 --> 01:57:26,163
Well, I'm telling you this one stays.
1244
01:57:32,003 --> 01:57:33,795
I was only curious.
1245
01:57:35,214 --> 01:57:38,050
He's not on any of my lists.
1246
01:57:39,135 --> 01:57:42,137
Though you are, Daniel.
1247
01:57:44,265 --> 01:57:45,599
Now?
1248
01:57:45,683 --> 01:57:46,892
Oh, no.
1249
01:57:48,061 --> 01:57:49,978
You die a grandfather.
1250
01:57:57,278 --> 01:58:00,864
Hey, wait a minute. Help us.
1251
01:58:01,657 --> 01:58:05,243
You got to get him back.
You can do it. I know you can.
1252
01:58:05,328 --> 01:58:11,792
I don't do fiction. Not my field. Sorry.
1253
01:58:14,504 --> 01:58:17,422
You are a very brave young man.
1254
01:58:19,926 --> 01:58:22,677
Unfortunately, you're not very bright.
1255
01:58:23,471 --> 01:58:25,055
If I were you...
1256
01:58:28,601 --> 01:58:31,895
I might be looking
for the other half of the ticket.
1257
01:58:41,114 --> 01:58:44,866
They're all gold. They're all gold.
1258
01:58:46,661 --> 01:58:48,161
Yes!
1259
01:58:50,373 --> 01:58:54,000
I've got it, Jack. I'll get you home, you'll see.
1260
01:58:55,503 --> 01:58:57,003
You can't die.
1261
01:58:58,047 --> 01:59:02,676
I know. Not until the grosses go down.
1262
01:59:02,760 --> 01:59:05,720
No. This is going to save us.
1263
01:59:08,015 --> 01:59:11,685
Throw that silly thing away.
1264
01:59:13,813 --> 01:59:15,397
Holy cow!
1265
01:59:38,421 --> 01:59:41,464
Let's hear it for Houdini!
1266
01:59:45,511 --> 01:59:49,598
Slater!
1267
01:59:50,391 --> 01:59:52,684
Damn it. Anybody seen Slater?
1268
01:59:52,768 --> 01:59:56,438
You see Slater,
you tell him to get in my office right now.
1269
02:00:14,290 --> 02:00:16,166
Help, somebody!
1270
02:00:17,168 --> 02:00:22,130
They got Jack! Doctor! Hey, doc! Move!
1271
02:00:23,466 --> 02:00:27,636
Here, take this. You've got to get back
before it changes its mind.
1272
02:00:27,720 --> 02:00:30,722
No way. I'm not going to leave you.
1273
02:00:30,806 --> 02:00:34,684
I'm just an imaginary hero, Danny.
You have a real life.
1274
02:00:35,645 --> 02:00:38,980
You're real to me. Don't you get it?
1275
02:00:39,774 --> 02:00:44,069
You're the best thing in... I need you to...
1276
02:00:44,528 --> 02:00:48,573
To be here where you can always find me
but I need you to be out there.
1277
02:00:48,658 --> 02:00:49,866
To believe in me.
1278
02:00:49,951 --> 02:00:51,284
Doctor, doctor!
1279
02:00:51,369 --> 02:00:56,623
I need you to take care of your mother for me
'cause... Oh, I would love to...
1280
02:00:58,834 --> 02:01:00,460
You have your whole life ahead of you.
1281
02:01:00,544 --> 02:01:03,672
And pimples and premature ejaculation.
I heard.
1282
02:01:07,885 --> 02:01:10,512
- What?
- It's just...
1283
02:01:12,181 --> 02:01:15,141
I'm scared I'm never going to see you again.
1284
02:01:17,228 --> 02:01:22,357
Whoever thinks that,
will be making a big mistake.
1285
02:01:30,825 --> 02:01:34,327
Get out of the way. Out of the way.
You want a doctor? I'm a doctor.
1286
02:01:34,412 --> 02:01:37,205
Get out of the way.
I'm a doctor. Get out of the way.
1287
02:01:37,331 --> 02:01:40,875
- What happened? What happened, pal?
- What is it, doc?
1288
02:01:47,883 --> 02:01:51,511
What is this, some kind of a joke?
I wouldn't even call this a flesh wound.
1289
02:01:51,595 --> 02:01:53,471
Come on, here, let's get him up.
1290
02:02:11,824 --> 02:02:14,075
Damn it, where the hell have you been?
1291
02:02:16,370 --> 02:02:18,330
Ha. It's working again.
1292
02:02:18,414 --> 02:02:20,832
And you know the cost of that door is
coming right out of your meager
1293
02:02:20,916 --> 02:02:22,042
but undeserved paycheck
1294
02:02:22,126 --> 02:02:24,169
on account of
I got the Save-The-Eagle foundation
1295
02:02:24,253 --> 02:02:26,504
doing a fucking tango up and down
my Hershey Highway!
1296
02:02:26,589 --> 02:02:27,964
Put a sock in it.
1297
02:02:28,049 --> 02:02:30,342
I don't care
who does what to your Hershey Highway,
1298
02:02:30,426 --> 02:02:34,846
and stop shouting. I'm not deaf.
You know why you're shouting?
1299
02:02:34,930 --> 02:02:37,682
Because it's in the script.
You're the comic relief.
1300
02:02:37,767 --> 02:02:42,145
Yes, and you know what else?
I'm the hero so shut up!
1301
02:02:47,735 --> 02:02:51,571
You see, Hollywood is writing our lives
and you know something?
1302
02:02:51,655 --> 02:02:54,324
I don't want to shoot people
anymore and blow up buildings.
1303
02:02:54,492 --> 02:02:55,533
You know why we do this here?
1304
02:02:55,618 --> 02:02:58,620
You got to be a magician, after all, Nick.
1305
02:02:58,954 --> 02:03:00,622
It really does work.
1306
02:03:01,832 --> 02:03:05,460
The ticket's yours, Danny,
and you know something?
1307
02:03:06,921 --> 02:03:09,297
I think the magic was yours, too.
1308
02:03:10,674 --> 02:03:11,966
Come on.
1309
02:03:12,718 --> 02:03:14,677
Ever tell you about the time
I was about your age
1310
02:03:14,762 --> 02:03:17,514
and my pop took me to see Buffalo Bill?
1311
02:03:17,598 --> 02:03:21,059
Yeah, well, we went backstage to see
Sitting Bull who was his medicine man.
106096
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