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1
00:00:12,719 --> 00:00:15,420
- Eddie, no more computer!
- Whoa.
2
00:00:15,421 --> 00:00:17,806
This knock-off version of
"The Sims" is so accurate.
3
00:00:17,807 --> 00:00:19,479
It even sounds like Mom.
4
00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:20,502
Eddie!
5
00:00:21,177 --> 00:00:23,317
It's noon and you're
still in your pajamas?
6
00:00:23,319 --> 00:00:25,844
I was up all night making
computer versions of our family.
7
00:00:25,845 --> 00:00:27,818
It took me four hours to
get Dad's hair right.
8
00:00:27,819 --> 00:00:29,309
Did you do the laundry like I asked you?
9
00:00:29,310 --> 00:00:30,576
I said I'd get to it.
10
00:00:30,577 --> 00:00:32,562
Off the computer now
and go do the laundry.
11
00:00:33,725 --> 00:00:36,810
And go take a shower.
12
00:00:36,811 --> 00:00:38,594
You smell like hot-dog water.
13
00:00:48,981 --> 00:00:51,768
Believe me, little dude... I get it.
14
00:00:56,947 --> 00:00:59,133
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
15
00:01:12,830 --> 00:01:14,715
Thanks for letting me
borrow your hammer, Louis.
16
00:01:14,716 --> 00:01:16,684
The hardware store near my
apartment stopped selling them
17
00:01:16,685 --> 00:01:19,053
- after all the murders.
- Mm, no problem, Horace.
18
00:01:19,054 --> 00:01:20,864
Moving into your first
apartment is hard work.
19
00:01:20,865 --> 00:01:23,591
Oh, and I, uh, marked it
with an "H" for "Huang"
20
00:01:23,592 --> 00:01:24,965
so we don't get mixed up.
21
00:01:24,966 --> 00:01:28,162
But "H" is also for
"Horace." And hammer.
22
00:01:28,163 --> 00:01:29,565
But that "H" is for "Huang."
23
00:01:29,566 --> 00:01:31,881
I'll bring it back as soon as
I'm done decorating my place
24
00:01:31,882 --> 00:01:33,501
the way I want to.
25
00:01:33,502 --> 00:01:36,766
"Oh, oh, you think the Elvira poster
is too sexy for my room, Mom?
26
00:01:36,767 --> 00:01:39,039
Well, that's too bad,
because it's my place!"
27
00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:42,408
Uh, Elvira?
28
00:01:42,409 --> 00:01:45,191
- She's... kind of... hot.
- Oh. Okay.
29
00:01:45,192 --> 00:01:47,936
You know, my first apartment
was above a saxophone store.
30
00:01:47,937 --> 00:01:49,616
I used to tell people
I live on the corner
31
00:01:49,617 --> 00:01:51,352
of Rhythm and Blues.
32
00:01:51,353 --> 00:01:53,620
Until the mailman told me to stop.
33
00:01:53,621 --> 00:01:56,340
Hey, I should find my
old lease and frame it!
34
00:01:56,981 --> 00:01:59,179
Man, living alone must be
awesome. I can't wait.
35
00:01:59,180 --> 00:02:00,594
When I have my own place, I'm gonna have
36
00:02:00,595 --> 00:02:01,595
a beat-box answering machine.
37
00:02:01,596 --> 00:02:03,230
"Leave a message after the..."
38
00:02:04,566 --> 00:02:06,100
- "...beat."
- Yes!
39
00:02:06,101 --> 00:02:07,727
Living alone is great, man.
40
00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:09,913
I can do whatever I
want, whenever I want.
41
00:02:09,914 --> 00:02:12,272
I haven't felt this free since
I went on Cultural Exchange
42
00:02:12,273 --> 00:02:13,741
to Taiwan when I was 16.
43
00:02:13,742 --> 00:02:15,075
Say what now?
44
00:02:15,076 --> 00:02:17,192
You know, when you go all over Taiwan
45
00:02:17,193 --> 00:02:19,046
with a bunch of other
teenagers on a bus?
46
00:02:19,047 --> 00:02:20,280
They say it's educational,
47
00:02:20,281 --> 00:02:21,849
but the only thing I learned
48
00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:24,426
is how to smooch girls with
a mouth full of tapioca.
49
00:02:24,427 --> 00:02:26,253
But what about your parents?
50
00:02:26,254 --> 00:02:28,009
The best part about Cultural Exchange...
51
00:02:28,011 --> 00:02:29,192
No parents.
52
00:02:30,792 --> 00:02:32,726
Hey, is it cool if I take this?
53
00:02:32,727 --> 00:02:34,821
Thanks, man. Housewarming gift.
54
00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:37,898
Eddie? I said no more video games.
55
00:02:37,899 --> 00:02:40,067
I need the computer to
instant-message with Honey
56
00:02:40,068 --> 00:02:41,468
while she's on bed rest.
57
00:02:41,469 --> 00:02:43,352
I already have my topics all picked out.
58
00:02:43,353 --> 00:02:46,206
But Computer Eddie just
ordered bottle service.
59
00:02:46,207 --> 00:02:48,207
Who cares? He's a pixel blob!
60
00:02:48,208 --> 00:02:50,822
Now, off the computer or no
seeing your friends for a week.
61
00:02:50,823 --> 00:02:52,980
Fine. I'll just play with my
"digital friends" instead.
62
00:02:52,981 --> 00:02:55,149
Fine. I'll just pack you a digital lunch
63
00:02:55,150 --> 00:02:56,650
for school tomorrow instead.
64
00:02:56,651 --> 00:02:57,818
"Microsoft Sandwich".
65
00:02:57,819 --> 00:02:59,720
Fine. I'll just raid the
freshmen learning garden.
66
00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:00,932
They don't need that much rosemary.
67
00:03:00,933 --> 00:03:03,257
Okay, you want to use the computer?
68
00:03:03,258 --> 00:03:05,925
- Then you can teach Grandma.
- Whoo!
69
00:03:05,926 --> 00:03:09,029
What?! You know that's way
worse than no computer.
70
00:03:09,030 --> 00:03:11,131
Why can't you just give
me a little space?
71
00:03:11,132 --> 00:03:13,331
I would love to give you a little space,
72
00:03:13,332 --> 00:03:15,469
but parenting you is a full-time job.
73
00:03:15,470 --> 00:03:18,915
Ask Jeeves to look for "Tom Selleck...
74
00:03:18,916 --> 00:03:21,110
plus shirtless".
75
00:03:24,796 --> 00:03:27,064
Who designed this house?
The Harlem Globetrotters?
76
00:03:27,065 --> 00:03:28,810
Allow me.
77
00:03:29,522 --> 00:03:32,569
There's that famous volleyball
reach I've heard so much about.
78
00:03:35,286 --> 00:03:37,157
Cowboy boots? When did that start?
79
00:03:37,158 --> 00:03:39,193
A few weeks ago. You didn't notice?
80
00:03:39,194 --> 00:03:41,075
Oh, of course I did.
81
00:03:41,076 --> 00:03:42,805
Started a few weeks ago.
82
00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:45,683
Well, I'm worried about him,
and it's not just the boots.
83
00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:47,067
He's seemed different lately.
84
00:03:47,068 --> 00:03:48,152
Emery?
85
00:03:48,153 --> 00:03:49,854
No. You could set your
watch by that kid.
86
00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:50,906
I'm sure it's nothing.
87
00:03:50,907 --> 00:03:52,857
He's probably just parting
his hair the opposite way.
88
00:03:52,858 --> 00:03:54,892
He isn't, and I would know.
89
00:03:54,893 --> 00:03:56,060
I'm the one that does his hair.
90
00:03:56,061 --> 00:03:57,511
You do your brother's hair?
91
00:03:57,512 --> 00:03:59,203
So? I have the time.
92
00:03:59,703 --> 00:04:01,298
I think he might be
going through something
93
00:04:01,299 --> 00:04:02,933
and he doesn't know how to tell us.
94
00:04:02,934 --> 00:04:06,201
Well, I'm sure, if it's anything
important, he would tell me.
95
00:04:06,202 --> 00:04:07,524
We've been really connecting lately,
96
00:04:07,525 --> 00:04:09,244
ever since our Chinese New Year tussle.
97
00:04:09,245 --> 00:04:11,408
We even discovered a
mutual love of volleyball.
98
00:04:11,409 --> 00:04:13,811
- Since when do you like volleyball?
- Since always.
99
00:04:13,812 --> 00:04:16,124
Spatch! That's a volleyball term.
100
00:04:16,125 --> 00:04:18,432
Okay, if nothing's going on,
101
00:04:18,433 --> 00:04:21,435
explain why I found this on his desk.
102
00:04:21,436 --> 00:04:23,954
The Cowboy Palace Saloon?
103
00:04:23,955 --> 00:04:25,339
He could've gotten this anywhere.
104
00:04:25,340 --> 00:04:27,267
Besides, the boy has a lot of candles.
105
00:04:27,268 --> 00:04:28,417
Louis!
106
00:04:28,418 --> 00:04:30,294
Printer's ink run out.
107
00:04:30,295 --> 00:04:32,314
Tom's chest soaked it up.
108
00:04:36,037 --> 00:04:38,852
I need a new name for Instant Messenger.
109
00:04:38,853 --> 00:04:40,187
Jessica Huang was taken,
110
00:04:40,188 --> 00:04:42,940
so I have Jessica-Computer-Name,
111
00:04:42,941 --> 00:04:44,275
Chinese-Barbara-Bush,
112
00:04:44,276 --> 00:04:45,776
or Deidres-A-Poop-6.
113
00:04:45,777 --> 00:04:48,061
Ooh, tough call. They're all great.
114
00:04:48,062 --> 00:04:49,754
Anyway, Mother,
115
00:04:49,755 --> 00:04:51,798
I was thinking, and you're right...
116
00:04:51,799 --> 00:04:53,438
How we both need a little space.
117
00:04:53,439 --> 00:04:54,752
In the words of Louis Armstrong,
118
00:04:54,753 --> 00:04:56,049
"And I think to myself...
119
00:04:56,688 --> 00:04:58,122
w-what a dope-ass world."
120
00:04:58,123 --> 00:04:59,439
I owe it to myself to get out there.
121
00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:01,258
- Uh-huh.
- Which is why
122
00:05:01,259 --> 00:05:02,426
I would like your permission to go
123
00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:03,860
on the Cultural Exchange trip to Taiwan.
124
00:05:13,788 --> 00:05:15,072
What are we laughing about?
125
00:05:15,073 --> 00:05:18,075
You! Going on a Cultural Exchange!
126
00:05:18,076 --> 00:05:19,710
Wh-What's so funny about that?
127
00:05:19,711 --> 00:05:21,712
You can't survive on your own.
128
00:05:21,713 --> 00:05:23,305
I do everything for you.
129
00:05:23,306 --> 00:05:24,640
I wake you up for school,
130
00:05:24,641 --> 00:05:26,567
I cook for you, I do your laundry...
131
00:05:26,568 --> 00:05:28,152
Hey, I did the laundry this time.
132
00:05:28,153 --> 00:05:30,955
Only because I hounded
you until you did it.
133
00:05:30,956 --> 00:05:32,756
You're like a little baby bird
134
00:05:32,757 --> 00:05:34,542
who sits in front of
the computer all day
135
00:05:34,543 --> 00:05:37,044
and would die if his
beautiful mother bird
136
00:05:37,045 --> 00:05:39,212
stopped regurgitating
worms into his mouth.
137
00:05:39,213 --> 00:05:41,091
So I'm sorry, but the answer is no.
138
00:05:42,276 --> 00:05:44,368
Every time I think we've
gone and turned a corner,
139
00:05:44,369 --> 00:05:46,103
you go right back to
treating me like I'm a baby!
140
00:05:46,104 --> 00:05:48,906
I'm 16 years old. I can
look after myself!
141
00:05:48,907 --> 00:05:50,290
I'm going on that trip.
142
00:05:50,291 --> 00:05:52,743
Well, I'll call the program and
tell them not to accept you.
143
00:05:52,744 --> 00:05:55,474
As long as you live under my
roof, you go by my rules.
144
00:05:55,476 --> 00:05:57,894
Fine. Then maybe it's time I
didn't live under your roof.
145
00:05:59,118 --> 00:06:01,232
Fine! You know where the door is.
146
00:06:05,352 --> 00:06:08,545
Ooh, Orlando State is selling
a DNA gene sequencer.
147
00:06:08,546 --> 00:06:11,178
That lab fire is the gift
that keeps on giving.
148
00:06:11,179 --> 00:06:13,230
Mm-hmm. So, uh, Emery,
149
00:06:13,231 --> 00:06:15,132
excited about volleyball practice?
150
00:06:15,133 --> 00:06:16,783
You know, I was reading that volleyball
151
00:06:16,784 --> 00:06:18,435
is the number-one sport amongst nudists.
152
00:06:18,436 --> 00:06:21,655
- What's a nudist?
- Uh, doesn't matter.
153
00:06:21,656 --> 00:06:22,856
Everything good with you, though?
154
00:06:22,857 --> 00:06:25,892
No, uh, troubles at
school or anywhere else,
155
00:06:25,893 --> 00:06:29,079
like a roadhouse or a
Western-themed speakeasy?
156
00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:31,099
Nope! All good. You know me, Dad.
157
00:06:32,620 --> 00:06:34,821
I do, don't I?
158
00:06:35,416 --> 00:06:37,100
Mr. Volleyball.
159
00:06:39,587 --> 00:06:41,172
Have a good practice, son.
160
00:06:42,451 --> 00:06:44,961
Bye.
161
00:06:48,734 --> 00:06:51,368
See? I was right. Emery is fine.
162
00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:52,836
He's just a good, old-fashioned,
163
00:06:52,837 --> 00:06:54,697
cowboy-boot-wearing, volleyball-playing,
164
00:06:54,698 --> 00:06:56,156
nudist-ignorant kid.
165
00:06:56,157 --> 00:06:57,214
Uh-huh.
166
00:06:57,215 --> 00:07:01,338
So, have you ever actually
seen him play or...?
167
00:07:06,090 --> 00:07:08,916
Uh, hi. I'm Louis Huang, Emery's dad.
168
00:07:08,917 --> 00:07:10,097
Who?
169
00:07:10,098 --> 00:07:13,108
Uh, Louis Huang. I run
the steakhouse off I-4.
170
00:07:14,278 --> 00:07:16,293
The one next to the haunted supermarket.
171
00:07:16,294 --> 00:07:17,728
No, who are you looking for?
172
00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:18,779
Uh, Emery Huang.
173
00:07:18,780 --> 00:07:20,814
Oh, the Chinese kid.
174
00:07:20,815 --> 00:07:22,149
Yeah, he quit the team weeks ago.
175
00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:23,238
Sebastian!
176
00:07:23,239 --> 00:07:25,838
Get your hair out of your
mouth and play volleyball!
177
00:07:28,668 --> 00:07:32,376
You need to stop hanging your
bras on the clothesline outside.
178
00:07:32,377 --> 00:07:34,435
A bird made a nest in one of the cups.
179
00:07:34,436 --> 00:07:36,129
Well, this is it.
180
00:07:36,130 --> 00:07:38,503
I'm really doing it. I'm
really running away.
181
00:07:38,956 --> 00:07:40,084
Okay.
182
00:07:43,972 --> 00:07:45,472
You're letting him leave?
183
00:07:46,863 --> 00:07:48,674
Please. He's gonna get hungry
184
00:07:48,675 --> 00:07:50,821
and be back in here in 10 minutes.
185
00:07:50,822 --> 00:07:53,675
Then who is that picking him up?
186
00:07:59,387 --> 00:08:01,188
Horace?
187
00:08:02,501 --> 00:08:06,026
Oh, here comes Selleck's groin.
188
00:08:09,705 --> 00:08:12,268
Tell me about it, Commander Beefcake.
189
00:08:12,270 --> 00:08:15,422
Ha! Oh, Susan!
190
00:08:15,423 --> 00:08:19,673
Everything does happen to you
very suddenly, doesn't it?
191
00:08:20,348 --> 00:08:21,599
Jessica.
192
00:08:21,630 --> 00:08:24,170
_
193
00:08:24,172 --> 00:08:26,336
Worried? I'm thrilled.
194
00:08:26,337 --> 00:08:28,722
A break from being
Eddie's full-time mom?
195
00:08:28,723 --> 00:08:31,686
I feel like I'm on one of those
fancy white-people cruises
196
00:08:31,687 --> 00:08:33,323
where everybody gets diarrhea.
197
00:08:33,325 --> 00:08:36,749
_
198
00:08:36,940 --> 00:08:39,207
_
199
00:08:39,376 --> 00:08:42,006
_
200
00:08:43,401 --> 00:08:45,490
Connie used to do this all the time.
201
00:08:45,491 --> 00:08:47,004
If she didn't get her way,
202
00:08:47,005 --> 00:08:49,950
she'd run off and spend the
night in a grain silo.
203
00:08:49,951 --> 00:08:51,473
But she always came home.
204
00:08:51,475 --> 00:08:52,987
Trust me.
205
00:08:52,988 --> 00:08:57,177
Eddie is not mature enough to
survive in the world without me.
206
00:08:57,178 --> 00:09:00,333
He's probably in a grain silo right now,
207
00:09:00,334 --> 00:09:03,376
ruing the day he ever
left his comfortable bed.
208
00:09:06,324 --> 00:09:09,259
Welcome to Chez Horace.
209
00:09:11,663 --> 00:09:14,347
This is it? How long have you been here?
210
00:09:14,348 --> 00:09:15,631
Ah, just a few weeks.
211
00:09:15,632 --> 00:09:17,100
It's really starting to come together.
212
00:09:17,101 --> 00:09:19,737
- Hoo.
- Where do you even sleep?
213
00:09:19,738 --> 00:09:21,214
My waterbed.
214
00:09:21,778 --> 00:09:23,271
I made it myself.
215
00:09:24,421 --> 00:09:26,723
Go ahead. Take it for a spin. Eh, no.
216
00:09:27,713 --> 00:09:28,745
Cool.
217
00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:33,964
I'm gonna use you to solve the puzzle
218
00:09:33,966 --> 00:09:35,933
that has plagued scientists
for centuries...
219
00:09:35,935 --> 00:09:37,488
Was Eddie adopted?
220
00:09:37,489 --> 00:09:39,089
Stop talking to the gene sequencer
221
00:09:39,090 --> 00:09:40,324
and keep an eye out for Emery.
222
00:09:40,325 --> 00:09:41,678
Are you gonna confront him?
223
00:09:41,679 --> 00:09:43,510
Just be aware, he spooks easily.
224
00:09:43,511 --> 00:09:45,943
He almost killed Grandma last
time she wore a mud mask.
225
00:09:45,944 --> 00:09:48,149
No, I'm not gonna call him out
and risk how far we've come
226
00:09:48,150 --> 00:09:49,637
since Chinese New Year.
227
00:09:49,638 --> 00:09:51,604
Besides, I'm sure he has
a reasonable explanation
228
00:09:51,605 --> 00:09:52,872
for why he quit the volleyball team.
229
00:09:52,874 --> 00:09:53,905
There he is!
230
00:09:54,940 --> 00:09:57,073
And he's... sweaty?
231
00:09:58,844 --> 00:10:00,477
- Hey.
- Hey.
232
00:10:00,478 --> 00:10:01,812
So, how was practice?
233
00:10:01,813 --> 00:10:04,447
Great. Coach says my spatch
game is really coming together.
234
00:10:10,201 --> 00:10:12,636
Horace, don't take this the wrong way,
235
00:10:12,638 --> 00:10:15,597
but your apartment blows.
Like, really blows.
236
00:10:15,598 --> 00:10:17,728
Like, I can't believe
you left home for this.
237
00:10:17,729 --> 00:10:18,995
What were you thinking?
238
00:10:19,458 --> 00:10:21,107
The truth is,
239
00:10:21,109 --> 00:10:22,402
I didn't move out.
240
00:10:22,404 --> 00:10:24,439
- My parents kicked me out.
- What?
241
00:10:24,441 --> 00:10:25,952
Why didn't you tell me that before?
242
00:10:25,953 --> 00:10:27,287
I was embarrassed!
243
00:10:27,288 --> 00:10:28,922
And plus I was hoping you would bring
244
00:10:28,923 --> 00:10:30,674
some luxury items from your house,
245
00:10:30,675 --> 00:10:33,944
like pillows or lamps or toilet paper.
246
00:10:33,945 --> 00:10:36,441
I've been using a sack
of rice as a pillow,
247
00:10:36,442 --> 00:10:38,215
and now my neck is so jacked up,
248
00:10:38,216 --> 00:10:39,964
I think one of my arms
is permanently asleep.
249
00:10:42,034 --> 00:10:43,726
Yeah, that's not good.
250
00:10:44,556 --> 00:10:47,024
I can't go back now, let my mom win.
251
00:10:47,025 --> 00:10:48,370
Hey, do you want something to drink?
252
00:10:48,371 --> 00:10:50,110
I don't have any glasses
yet, but I can rinse out
253
00:10:50,111 --> 00:10:51,860
an old bottle of contact lens solution.
254
00:10:53,966 --> 00:10:55,549
I think I'm just gonna turn in.
255
00:10:55,550 --> 00:10:56,691
Okay.
256
00:10:56,692 --> 00:10:58,652
Well, good night, Eddie.
257
00:10:58,653 --> 00:10:59,779
It's good to have you here.
258
00:10:59,780 --> 00:11:02,355
And you can stay as long as you want.
259
00:11:15,554 --> 00:11:17,454
I think I made a big mistake.
260
00:11:17,455 --> 00:11:19,706
God, me too, man.
261
00:11:19,707 --> 00:11:21,264
Me, too.
262
00:11:27,199 --> 00:11:28,671
_
263
00:11:28,672 --> 00:11:30,672
_
264
00:11:32,077 --> 00:11:34,254
_
265
00:11:43,483 --> 00:11:45,215
Thank God...
266
00:11:46,885 --> 00:11:48,904
I knew it. I knew you couldn't survive
267
00:11:48,905 --> 00:11:51,385
out there on your own without
me, and I was right.
268
00:11:51,386 --> 00:11:52,923
Come on now. Get up.
269
00:11:52,924 --> 00:11:54,351
It's after 5:00.
270
00:11:54,352 --> 00:11:57,200
Hey, um... can I get a glass of milk?
271
00:11:59,056 --> 00:12:01,157
- Oh...
- What are you doing in my house?
272
00:12:01,159 --> 00:12:04,134
To be honest, I just needed a
dry bed and something to eat.
273
00:12:04,135 --> 00:12:05,588
I don't have any food...
274
00:12:05,589 --> 00:12:07,409
or furniture at my house.
275
00:12:07,410 --> 00:12:09,339
It's, um... It's kind of a dump.
276
00:12:09,340 --> 00:12:11,424
What? And you just left Eddie there?
277
00:12:11,425 --> 00:12:13,393
No. He was gone when I woke up.
278
00:12:13,394 --> 00:12:14,811
Gone where?
279
00:12:14,812 --> 00:12:16,351
Here, I assume.
280
00:12:16,352 --> 00:12:17,580
Is he not here?
281
00:12:20,872 --> 00:12:22,532
Now, about that milk...
282
00:12:24,518 --> 00:12:27,557
And the coach said you're
having a special extra practice
283
00:12:27,558 --> 00:12:29,540
so you can watch "Top Gun" as a team?
284
00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:30,727
Just the volleyball scenes.
285
00:12:30,728 --> 00:12:33,664
Oh.
286
00:12:33,665 --> 00:12:34,981
Have a good practice, Emery.
287
00:12:34,982 --> 00:12:36,916
Thanks.
288
00:12:36,917 --> 00:12:39,035
If that is your real name.
289
00:12:41,239 --> 00:12:43,680
And now the stakeout begins.
290
00:12:44,609 --> 00:12:46,262
I brought a bag of disguises.
291
00:12:46,795 --> 00:12:48,261
Are you okay playing a woman?
292
00:12:48,262 --> 00:12:50,196
Shh, there he is.
293
00:12:50,197 --> 00:12:51,398
Yes.
294
00:13:06,264 --> 00:13:08,248
Follow that Huang.
295
00:13:15,841 --> 00:13:17,892
Meet Dr. Lucas Palindrome,
296
00:13:17,894 --> 00:13:20,760
a psychiatrist from Brooklyn, New York.
297
00:13:20,761 --> 00:13:22,741
That's the bar from the matchbook.
298
00:13:25,348 --> 00:13:27,300
Is he really going in there?
299
00:13:27,301 --> 00:13:28,868
Hey.
300
00:13:28,869 --> 00:13:31,052
He quit volleyball so he
could underage drink.
301
00:13:31,053 --> 00:13:32,463
What a waste.
302
00:13:33,090 --> 00:13:34,826
What do you say you dress
up as Mrs. Palindrome
303
00:13:34,827 --> 00:13:36,853
and we get our pictures
taken at the mall?
304
00:13:36,854 --> 00:13:38,729
Wait in the car and lock the doors.
305
00:13:38,730 --> 00:13:39,979
Where are you going, Melinda?
306
00:13:39,980 --> 00:13:41,564
To rescue my son!
307
00:13:42,915 --> 00:13:46,083
Our son! Our son, Melinda!
308
00:13:47,606 --> 00:13:49,161
Whoa there, partner. You can't...
309
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:51,510
I own a Western-style steakhouse.
310
00:13:51,511 --> 00:13:53,176
Now get your damn hand off me.
311
00:14:15,742 --> 00:14:18,952
If we go to the airport,
it's a $45 flat fee.
312
00:14:18,953 --> 00:14:21,020
Just so you know. This
is all your fault.
313
00:14:21,021 --> 00:14:22,455
My fault? What did I do?
314
00:14:22,456 --> 00:14:23,974
You lost him!
315
00:14:23,975 --> 00:14:27,127
If he's not huddled up in your
crack den like a fetal mouse,
316
00:14:27,128 --> 00:14:28,394
he could be anywhere.
317
00:14:28,395 --> 00:14:31,548
No offense, but you lost him first.
318
00:14:35,453 --> 00:14:36,853
Okay, we're here.
319
00:14:39,231 --> 00:14:41,291
Hey, if you see anybody
with a hammer, run!
320
00:14:43,994 --> 00:14:46,344
Oh, hey, man. I just went down to
the Goodwill and picked up some...
321
00:14:46,346 --> 00:14:48,580
Oh, my God, Eddie, you're...
322
00:14:48,582 --> 00:14:50,236
thriving!
323
00:14:50,238 --> 00:14:53,057
Hey, if either of you lost a
tooth, it's in the stairwell.
324
00:14:58,299 --> 00:15:00,721
Mom? What are you doing here?
325
00:15:00,722 --> 00:15:03,156
I was worried you...
326
00:15:03,157 --> 00:15:05,010
forgot to bring clean underwear.
327
00:15:05,011 --> 00:15:08,778
Knowing you, you probably left
home without packing any spares.
328
00:15:08,779 --> 00:15:11,044
For your information,
I packed eight pairs.
329
00:15:11,045 --> 00:15:12,552
That way, I can do laundry on Sunday
330
00:15:12,553 --> 00:15:14,101
and not have to wear my
swimsuit as underwear.
331
00:15:14,102 --> 00:15:16,304
We all know that mesh never recovers.
332
00:15:16,306 --> 00:15:18,205
You figured it out.
333
00:15:18,207 --> 00:15:20,908
I love what you've done
to this place, man.
334
00:15:20,909 --> 00:15:24,235
I mean, it's not really my
style, but... it works.
335
00:15:24,728 --> 00:15:26,845
Eddie did this?
336
00:15:26,847 --> 00:15:28,517
By himself?
337
00:15:28,518 --> 00:15:30,611
I told you I can take
care of myself, Mom.
338
00:15:30,612 --> 00:15:32,253
When are you gonna start believing me?
339
00:15:32,254 --> 00:15:34,739
Fine. We'll talk about
it on the way home.
340
00:15:34,740 --> 00:15:36,466
No, we won't.
341
00:15:36,467 --> 00:15:38,124
I'm going to the store to buy olive oil
342
00:15:38,125 --> 00:15:40,016
for the bruschetta I'm
making for tonight's dinner.
343
00:15:40,017 --> 00:15:42,496
Horace only owns... massage oil.
344
00:15:42,947 --> 00:15:45,283
- You went through my nightstand?
- You mean the Mervyn's bag
345
00:15:45,284 --> 00:15:46,841
hanging on the bathroom door handle?
346
00:15:46,842 --> 00:15:48,353
I thought that was trash.
347
00:15:48,354 --> 00:15:49,938
Stay out of my stuff, man.
348
00:16:01,349 --> 00:16:03,505
Dad? What are you doing here?
349
00:16:03,506 --> 00:16:05,884
What are you doing here? In a bar?
350
00:16:05,885 --> 00:16:07,805
And why did you quit volleyball?
351
00:16:07,806 --> 00:16:09,190
Because I hate volleyball.
352
00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:11,542
But you said you loved it.
353
00:16:11,543 --> 00:16:14,336
I did at the beginning.
And then I didn't.
354
00:16:14,337 --> 00:16:15,603
But by the time I figured that out,
355
00:16:15,604 --> 00:16:17,265
you'd already gone and
made it "our thing".
356
00:16:17,266 --> 00:16:19,332
All of a sudden, you
were Mr. Volleyball.
357
00:16:19,334 --> 00:16:20,568
No, I wasn't.
358
00:16:20,569 --> 00:16:22,920
You drove me to Tampa so I
could get my volleyball signed
359
00:16:22,921 --> 00:16:25,369
by former Olympic bronze
medalist Yoko Zetterlund.
360
00:16:25,370 --> 00:16:26,909
Like I even know who that is!
361
00:16:26,910 --> 00:16:29,794
You said that was one of the
top five moments of your life.
362
00:16:29,795 --> 00:16:30,868
Well, I lied!
363
00:16:33,900 --> 00:16:35,259
Look, this is my song.
364
00:16:35,260 --> 00:16:36,951
I gotta go. I'll see you at home.
365
00:16:39,988 --> 00:16:43,024
I am a terrible mother. No, you're not.
366
00:16:43,025 --> 00:16:45,087
You just pushed too hard.
Being a mom is tough,
367
00:16:45,089 --> 00:16:46,527
and nobody's perfect.
368
00:16:46,528 --> 00:16:48,938
- God knows my mom isn't.
- I know your mom.
369
00:16:48,939 --> 00:16:50,601
I bet she was real tough on you.
370
00:16:50,602 --> 00:16:52,328
Oh, no, she gave me everything I wanted,
371
00:16:52,329 --> 00:16:53,581
never yelled at me,
372
00:16:53,582 --> 00:16:55,859
let me eat ice cream for
breakfast and dinner.
373
00:16:58,227 --> 00:17:01,278
So your mom made you into
the person you are today?
374
00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:03,344
Without her constant love and support,
375
00:17:03,345 --> 00:17:05,531
I think I would've turned
out pretty different.
376
00:17:05,532 --> 00:17:07,432
Mm, I bet you would have.
377
00:17:09,134 --> 00:17:11,134
Thank you, Horace.
378
00:17:11,135 --> 00:17:12,804
This has been very helpful.
379
00:17:12,805 --> 00:17:15,032
Do you have a piece of paper?
I want to write Eddie a note.
380
00:17:15,039 --> 00:17:17,965
No, but you want to scratch on
the wall? That's what I do.
381
00:17:24,550 --> 00:17:26,631
Mind if I cut in, amigo?
382
00:17:26,632 --> 00:17:28,713
Dad, what are you doing? You
don't know any of the steps.
383
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:30,518
I'm the former Cha Cha King of Taipei.
384
00:17:30,519 --> 00:17:31,800
I don't need the steps.
385
00:17:34,643 --> 00:17:37,178
Sorry if I made a big deal out
of you playing volleyball.
386
00:17:38,068 --> 00:17:40,441
I'm sorry I lied about
it. I know you love it.
387
00:17:41,035 --> 00:17:43,484
- Well...
- You don't love it?
388
00:17:44,199 --> 00:17:46,278
I was pretending to love it
'cause I thought you loved it.
389
00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:47,800
I was trying to connect with you.
390
00:17:47,801 --> 00:17:49,941
So you don't know who Yoko
Zetterlund is, either.
391
00:17:49,942 --> 00:17:51,573
Nobody does, son.
392
00:17:54,060 --> 00:17:55,937
You didn't have to hide this from me.
393
00:17:55,938 --> 00:17:58,099
If you want to be a
professional line dancer,
394
00:17:58,100 --> 00:17:59,484
your mom and I will support you.
395
00:17:59,485 --> 00:18:00,851
Relax, Dad. I don't.
396
00:18:00,852 --> 00:18:02,023
Oh, thank God.
397
00:18:02,024 --> 00:18:03,721
Your mother would've murdered us both.
398
00:18:05,290 --> 00:18:06,684
Line dancing is fun and everything,
399
00:18:06,685 --> 00:18:08,503
but the truth is, everyone treats me
400
00:18:08,504 --> 00:18:09,671
like I've got it all figured out,
401
00:18:09,672 --> 00:18:11,007
but I don't.
402
00:18:11,008 --> 00:18:12,561
So I'm trying out different Emerys,
403
00:18:12,563 --> 00:18:14,755
- and that's hard to do when you...
- Spatch your spike?
404
00:18:14,756 --> 00:18:16,234
I don't know what that means.
405
00:18:16,235 --> 00:18:17,451
Neither do I.
406
00:18:17,452 --> 00:18:20,307
I guess I can come on a
little strong sometimes.
407
00:18:20,308 --> 00:18:22,373
I just want to make
sure I'm there for you.
408
00:18:22,374 --> 00:18:24,173
- Mind if I cut i...
- Back off, Shania.
409
00:18:24,174 --> 00:18:26,022
I'm talking to my son.
410
00:18:27,079 --> 00:18:28,832
I love that you're trying
to connect with me,
411
00:18:28,833 --> 00:18:30,898
but it adds a lot of pressure.
412
00:18:30,899 --> 00:18:32,483
I just need some space sometimes.
413
00:18:32,484 --> 00:18:33,868
I get it.
414
00:18:33,869 --> 00:18:35,253
And I'll be here when you need me.
415
00:18:41,443 --> 00:18:44,112
Leroy, you fix a mean Shirley Temple.
416
00:18:46,449 --> 00:18:47,925
Mom, where's Dad?
417
00:18:47,926 --> 00:18:49,678
Horace said he was attacked
by a bunch of bees!
418
00:18:49,679 --> 00:18:50,764
Your dad's fine.
419
00:18:50,765 --> 00:18:52,632
That was just a clever
ploy to get you home.
420
00:18:54,105 --> 00:18:56,090
There's something I want to tell you.
421
00:18:56,091 --> 00:18:58,705
What? You're right and I'm
wrong? I've heard it before.
422
00:18:58,706 --> 00:18:59,994
No.
423
00:19:01,965 --> 00:19:04,662
I was scared I'd pushed you away.
424
00:19:04,663 --> 00:19:07,422
But after talking to Horace,
I realized I hadn't.
425
00:19:07,423 --> 00:19:10,638
I pushed you out. Ew. Gross, Mom.
426
00:19:10,639 --> 00:19:12,041
Ew, not like that!
427
00:19:12,042 --> 00:19:13,847
Pushed you out of the nest.
428
00:19:13,848 --> 00:19:16,382
Which is my job as your mom.
429
00:19:16,383 --> 00:19:18,579
And as usual, I was too good at it,
430
00:19:18,580 --> 00:19:20,121
and now you're ready early.
431
00:19:20,122 --> 00:19:21,365
So you're welcome.
432
00:19:21,366 --> 00:19:22,418
Thank you.
433
00:19:22,419 --> 00:19:23,701
Wait, for what?
434
00:19:23,702 --> 00:19:25,892
Well, you could've had Horace's mom...
435
00:19:25,893 --> 00:19:28,889
A nice mom who gives you hugs
436
00:19:28,890 --> 00:19:30,424
and lets you eat ice cream for dinner.
437
00:19:30,425 --> 00:19:32,543
But instead, you got me,
and because of that,
438
00:19:32,544 --> 00:19:34,195
you know how to take care of yourself.
439
00:19:35,297 --> 00:19:36,717
I'm sorry I ran away.
440
00:19:37,368 --> 00:19:40,526
If it's any consolation,
Horace's apartment sucked.
441
00:19:40,528 --> 00:19:42,045
Everything was covered in cat hair,
442
00:19:42,047 --> 00:19:43,493
and he doesn't even own a cat.
443
00:19:44,670 --> 00:19:47,058
Oh, I almost forgot.
444
00:19:47,059 --> 00:19:49,343
I need you to move the
computer into my room.
445
00:19:49,344 --> 00:19:51,362
What?! But you don't even use it!
446
00:19:52,455 --> 00:19:53,908
I guess I'll have to learn.
447
00:19:54,749 --> 00:19:57,118
We'll have to keep in
touch somehow, right?
448
00:19:59,134 --> 00:20:00,233
Wait...
449
00:20:00,235 --> 00:20:02,038
so I can go on the Cultural
Exchange to Taiwan?
450
00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:03,858
Fine.
451
00:20:06,108 --> 00:20:08,326
Hey, this will be nice for me, too.
452
00:20:08,328 --> 00:20:11,315
I look forward to being
bumped down to part-time mom.
453
00:20:11,316 --> 00:20:13,017
So, what are you gonna do
with all your free time?
454
00:20:13,018 --> 00:20:16,254
Oh, I'm sure I'll find
someone else to boss around.
455
00:20:22,401 --> 00:20:23,701
Mom?!
456
00:20:23,703 --> 00:20:25,134
It's 3:00 in the morning.
457
00:20:27,486 --> 00:20:29,070
I have a problem.
458
00:20:38,659 --> 00:20:39,819
You'll stop cleaning
459
00:20:39,820 --> 00:20:43,701
when I tell you to stop
cleaning, Robot Louis!
460
00:20:44,928 --> 00:20:47,652
- That's my favorite game.
- Pretty cool, right?
461
00:20:49,041 --> 00:20:51,174
Hey, wait. Where's grandma?
462
00:20:51,175 --> 00:20:53,175
Oh, she's around.
463
00:20:53,177 --> 00:20:58,133
_
464
00:20:58,135 --> 00:21:03,139
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
33819
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