All language subtitles for Wake.Up,Ron.Burgundy.The.Lost.Movie.2004.720p.Blu-ray.x264-CtrlHD_Eng

There are stories,
epic and grand stories,

that are forever lost
in the sands of time,

forgotten or changed by cruel kings

who can hear only the whispers
of these lost legends.

Right there, Scottie.
Take her down.

Still, other tales
become too frightening

for future generations
to impart to their young.

But other stories are lost to us

because they don't test well
with recruited audiences

or because a movie is too long
and the story must be cut for time.

This is one of those tales.

This is the chaff from the wheat,

the skim from the milk...

...the pudding from
the all-you-can-eat lobster buffet,

and the surgeon guy
from Prince and the Revolution.

This is The Lost 00:01:10,110
Don't worry, San Diego, Daddy's here.

- Hey, Ron Burgundy! You're the best!
- Looking good, San Diego.

I just met Ron Burgundy,
and he gave me a cup!

Hey, Ron Burgundy!
You should do story about me.

You're a riot, Nikos.

Hey, Ron. Bottoms up!

Well, hello, booze.

Peace, brother. I'm where you're at.

Hey, I like that fanny.

Oh, 00:01:59,450
Ron Burgundy was at the peak
of his power as an anchorman.

I got you, Old Glory.

Walking tall and sharing a desk

with his beloved
Veronica Corningstone.

Wait a minute,
who's that handsome devil?

The city of San Diego
now had a king and a queen,

and they ruled with a mighty
and sometimes sexy hand.

Veronica, however,
had recently been nominated

for a National Excellence
in Broadcasting Award

and was out of town.

For one night only,
it was just Ron and the boys.

Champ, did you get lucky last night?

No. Last night...

Oh, I stayed home for a while,
drank about six bottles of white wine,

pissed my pants,
so I drove down to 00:02:46,580
and shot some stray dogs.

You know, pretty much
standard Tuesday night.

Hey, you guys, what is that word?

- "Because".
- Bee-cose...

- Because. Because.
- Is that even a word?

Alrighty, news team, whose drink
needs a freshening up? Anyone?

Helen, I'll have a Beefeater
and tonic, hold the tonic.

Ron!

I know. I know I'm bad.
I've been a bad boy.

I know, it's silly.
All right, gang, it's almost six.

Let's do what we're paid to do.

Unique New York.

A tarantula enjoys
a fine chewing gum.

Chewing gum.

Snoopy was stabbed by a spear.

The Human Torch
was denied a bank loan.

The arsonist has oddly-shaped feet.
The arsonist. The arsonist.

Cue it.

Ready, Phil.

We're on in five, four...

It's Channel 4 News at 6:00.

Good evening. I'm Ron Burgundy,
and this is what's happening

in your world tonight.
An international coalition of countries

has banded together
to investigate and solve

the mystery of the Bigfoot
once and for all.

The conference held in 00:04:46,910
- from the United States...
- Ron Burgundy. Oh, boy.

If I were only 30 years younger...

By that, I mean I'd blow him.

...with some interesting new
and shocking statistics

out of Washington,
here's Brian Fantana

with a report you won't want to miss.

Tonight, I conclude
my five-part series

on the evils of breast-feeding.

So remember, let's leave
those ho-hos to us big kids, moms.

Well, it looks like it's
gonna be another great weekend.

Here to tell us about it
is Brick Tamland with weather. Brick?

Now, it got all the way up to 97 degrees

in some of the outlying areas today,
and that, my friend,

is really, really hot.
And I always make the same plea

every year at this time.

If you've got pets and you're
going to leave them in the car

in this kind of heat,
make sure they have a lot of chew toys,

and roll up the window,
so that heat doesn't get into the car.

Lots going on
in the world of sports.

Champ Kind is gonna let us know
what's going down.

Big night for the Padres finishing up
a three-game series with the Dodgers.

They lost the game 4-2.

Here's the pitch, a curveball, what
happens? I'll tell you what happens.

And... whammy!

Dave Winfield takes Burt Hooten deep.

Box seven, let's ready three.

Here at Channel 4 News,
I'm Champ Kind. Back to you, Ron.

There was a special addition today
at the San Diego Zoo

as Linda the giraffe gave birth
to a 42-pound baby boy.

Officials at the zoo say the baby
giraffe will be named Freedom.

Looks like the Clippers
might have themselves a new center.

00:06:25,670
For all of us here at News Center 4,

I'm Ron Burgundy.
You stay classy, San Diego.

All clear.

Ron Burgundy scores.

You're my boy.

Hey, Ron, Deacon Charlie,

the weather man over at Channel 2
News, is having a pool party.

Every anchor in town
is gonna be there.

Well, I think it's time
to show the fine gals of this city

what a number-one rated
news team looks like.

News team!

And with Veronica gone
and another broadcast done,

it was time to do one thing:
socialize... hard.

I couldn't do that. I couldn't do that.

- Hey, Ron, know what Chlamydia is?
- No, but it sounds like fun.

- Hey, Ron.
- Garth. How's the divorce?

Not good. 00:07:35,370
I don't have time. You done with that?
I think you are now.

Well, hello, Pete.
You look good. So do you.

Konnichiwa.

- Cannonball!
- Hey, everyone!

Orgy!

Sorry, I misread the vibe.
Just go back to what you were doing.

Everybody get down!

This is a robbery!
We are The Alarm Clock!

Ring, ring, ring.

- It all begins today!
- Heroes get blasted!

Shoot, I'm havin' a good time!
This is a party! Come on!

It's a revolutionary sure shot.
We're taking it all back.

Y'all better wake up,
'cause The Alarm Clock's ringin'.

Ding-a-ling-a-ding-ding-dong!

You've got a real reason to be afraid!

Hurry up!

We are liberating this money
so that the truth can be set free,

and the people of this city
can wake up! Dig it!

We are The Alarm Clock!

Oh, that was one crazy party.
I feel awful.

I had about 70 beers. I mean, literally.

I ate a whole bunch
of fiberglass insulation.

It wasn't cotton candy
like that guy said.

00:09:22,640
I woke up this morning,
and I shit a squirrel.

The hell of it is,
the thing was still alive.

So now I got
this shit-covered squirrel

down there in my office,
don't know what to name it.

You should name him Shawn.

All right, guys, let's focus up.

00:09:45,580
The radical protest group
called The Alarm Clock

robbed their third bank this morning.

Let's keep on top of this story.
If it gets any bigger,

the network could need coverage.

Veronica had gone straight
from the airport to the newsroom...

- Hello.
- ...and Ron's heart nearly leapt

out of his chest when he saw
his sweet, sweet lady.

Oh, Ron, you are a big deal.

Take me. Take me right now
on this conference table.

It's jazz. It's jazz, baby!

- Ron, control yourself!
- Not with the lights on!

Let's make a baby!

This feels sexy!

I am engorged!

- He's like an unleashed animal, run!
- Put it back in!

No, no, he didn't mean that!
Take it out!

But even in the midst
of this supposed bliss,

trouble can step forward and say,

"Hey! Don't forget about me."

- Look at this.
- Yeah.

00:10:57,570
We got enough bread
to arm the people, feed the people,

get people riotous in the streets.

Know what we should do
with this money?

I think we should buy
a big bag of grass.

What about the revolution?

Our mission is clearly stated
in the manifesto.

- Where the hell is that manifesto, man?
- I am writing the manifesto.

I'm beginning to start to think
you just here for the...

You wanna know what our cause is?

Yeah, we wanna know.

The group was at a crucial juncture.

For months, Paul had
put off writing the manifesto

by smoking skunk-weed
and jacking banks.

But now it was time
to state the message

or lose his hold on this band
of dropouts and outsiders.

The TV! That's right!

The TV!

This... this propaganda box,

if we don't control
this propaganda box...

...the man will always
control our minds

and the minds of the people.

Just look at some
of the lies they're telling.

Oh, hello.

I'm beloved anchor Ron Burgundy.

You know, lately I'm hearing
all this talk about kids

smoking pot,
or marijuana, reefer.

Hey, what's the deal with that?

What happened to just getting high
on good old clean life?

00:12:28,450
or sitting underneath a waterfall,
enjoying a big glass of Scotch,

or enjoying a pack of cigarettes
on a hot summer day.

What happened
to those simple pleasures?

Did they die with the dinosaurs
and the tyrannus rex?

In my book, they didn't.

And there's only one book:

That's the Bible.

So give it a read
when you got a chance.

Hey, last time I checked,
Bibles were in libraries.

Hey, good night.

The following has been
a public service announcement...

- Listen to this shit!
- That Ron Burgundy is the devil.

We gotta take back the airwaves!

I'm telling you, Ron Burgundy, he don't
know the hell that's awaitin' him.

But he sure is handsome.

Frame up two.

Give me a tighter one on two.

Good evening,
I'm Ron Burgundy.

Here's what's going on
in your world, San Diego.

The group of bank-robbing radicals
who call themselves The Alarm Clock

have struck yet again. Let's go
to Brian Fantana who's live on the scene

with a Channel 4
News exclusive. Brian?

Police are baffled by this string
of politically-motivated robberies.

They have little evidence and few leads.

- All they can do is sit and wait...
- What is that stench?!

Smells like a biker threw up
on a pile of rotten shrimp.

Hey, jag-off, why don't you
keep it down? I'm on TV.

Back to you, Ron.

Which proves yet again
that even a blind man

and his pet Japanese devil owl

can find true happiness
in this world we live in.

Let me take a moment here,

just to collect...

A story like that makes this job hard
and great all at the same time.

A lot of emotion right now.
A lot of emotion.

Well... that's gonna do it
for all of us here at Channel 4 News...

God, I'm still shook up.
I'm still shook up.

That's gonna do it
for all of us here at Channel 4 News.

I'm Ron Burgundy.
You stay classy, San Diego.

What's that?

Just a little song I heard,
made me think of a special lady

that I happen to be
driving with right now.

Ron, it's making me very nervous
that you're not looking at the road.

Don't worry. I know these streets
like the back of my hand.

00:15:38,350
...get killed!

- It's really making me very nervous.
- This is a Pontiac Catalina.

It really handles well
on the open road.

00:15:53,280
Hold on. All right.

You have captivating eyes,

like a...
like a unicorn or a princess.

Has anyone ever told you that?

No. Thank you.

I've never crashed...

...this month.
And earlier last year...

There's a Spanish family
that's trying to cross the road...

No, I know, the Rodriguez family.

Do you like Thai food? You should
look at that place over there.

And if you're looking
for a good supermarket,

that place is not bad.

Oh, my God.

- How do you do that?
- It's OK, we're almost there.

Let me just parallel park here.

There you have it.

Oh, my.

- What a beautiful view, 00:17:21,950
It always takes my breath away.

Over there is
the San Diego Observatory.

It's on the highest point of the city.

I've always had a dream
of doing a broadcast from there.

Bouncing a telecast

off the planets and the stars,
through the 00:17:41,350
and onto Jupiter's arrow.

Broadcasting...

...with the gods, I like to call it.

Reaching people
for hundreds and millions of miles.

So is this where
Ron Burgundy goes

when he's tired of being
San Diego's number-one anchorman?

You are a firecracker.

How is everyone?
Good to see you.

So here it is.
00:18:22,050
- Like I said, it's not much...
- Oh, no, to the contrary,

- it's charming and colorful.
- Good.

- 00:18:30,390
Because of the story you did
last year about delinquent landlords,

- we had heat for Christmas.
- That was October 11th,

Tuesday night, I was wearing
a red tie with white speckles...

Are you Paula Tran?

You are a national treasure,
00:18:45,700
Thank you. We'll try to get you
air conditioning this summer.

Take care.

This city really seems to love you.

Well, it's like having
one million children,

seven percent of which
are predominantly Asian.

Meanwhile, as Ron and Veronica's
romance blossomed,

the team found themselves
even more alone...

...and confused.

I saw the funniest thing the other day.
It was this balloon,

and it was just popping around
on this string.

I would hit it with my hand,
it would just keep popping back up.

You guys would have loved it.

Let's do something. I'm bored.

Hey, I got an idea.

Let's tear up the Channel 9
News teams' lawn, huh?

Whammy? Huh? Whammy.

Why the hell not?

Hell's bells, not again!

You sons of bitches!
That's the fifth time this month!

I'm getting tired of it.
I was in Korea!

I miss Ron.

You know, I have an admission
to make, 00:20:15,830
When we first met, I...
I thought that you

were just like every other anchor.
But... you're not.

God, I was
so tongue-tied that night. I...

I kept wishing there
was a TelePrompTer for life.

It's ridiculous to think about now.

What about you, Veronica?

What are your hopes?
What are your dreams?

- What are your passions?
- Well,

believe it or not,
we share the same dream.

I, too, want to be a network anchor.

Boy!
And I'd like to be king of Australia.

Seriously, you sound
like an insane person.

No, I'm very serious, 00:21:09,680
You see, I've always been

cursed with a talent
for pursuits usually dominated by men.

When I was a little girl,
instead of playing house,

I would play drill sergeant or butcher.

Later on in high school, instead
of trying out for cheerleading,

I was president
of the bow-hunting club.

One morning, I read
the announcements over the PA,

just the sound of my voice,

so powerful,
commanding all of those students,

grabbing their attention, I just...

I knew I had but one destiny,

and that was to be
the first female anchor.

Yes, the road has been lonely, and...

...difficult... and lonely.

You are electric.

Now, Ron, friend to friend,

sounds to me like you
better just be careful.

Just take some caution
with this 'cause...

...you're really making a lot of us
feel uneasy with this type of talk.

Well, this morning, when I woke up,

and I saw Veronica
lying there next to me,

for a split second,

I actually cared about someone
more than Ron Burgundy.

That doesn't make any sense!

You're you,
she's a whole different person.

You care about her? That's just crazy.

Well, if love is a form of madness,
then lock me up

and throw away the key.

Hey, gang!

Papa's home!

Oh, honey, I am so glad you're home.

00:23:14,300
Gentlemen, you look great.

No eye contact!

Oh, darling, oh!

I've spent all day cleaning your Emmys
and preparing dinner in the nude.

Oh, let's make whoopee.

You are a bad boy!

I'm bad! I need to go
to the principal's office.

I love my life!

You take that back right now, Ron.

Or you tell me right now that
you're under some kind of spell

or witchcraft
or got bit by a horrible bug.

- That's crazy!
- So where is Veronma...

- Veronamaca now?
- She's off to go do her first story,

The Feline Fashion Show.

I hope she can handle it.
This is big time.

Oh, next we have a popular favorite,
the bride and the pirate.

Yes, it's time for a pirate wedding,
enacted by cats.

And now here's Felinus 00:24:18,080
All right, let's just do my sign-off
and get out of here.

Hello, my name is Paul.
This is so cool, what you do.

00:24:28,170
I'm about to broadcast,
so if you'll excuse me, please.

I noticed cables.
They go into your van.

I almost tripped and broke my leg.

If anybody gets a van like that,
can they broadcast news?

We're about to go live in 20 seconds.

- You're gonna have to move.
- Hey, I can dig it.

You've gotta let the truth ring out,
wake up all the squares

in this city of lies.
How about that Orange Julius?

Get the hell away from me
before I kick you!

And we're on in three...

It was quite a show down here
at the Pet Shack.

And just for today,
fashion curiosity did not kill the cat.

It made him look "purr-fect".

From the Pet Shack in Fulton,
I'm Veronica Corningstone

for Channel 4 News.

Nice story. That, of course,
was Veronica Corningstone.

I'd also like to share with you
that currently we are dating.

I have to tell you,
she's a creative partner in the bedroom.

She did this one thing
on Tuesday night

that involved a Hula-Hoop
and a lasso

- and an ice-cream scooper.
- Ron!

What? Well, that's going
to do it for all of us here at 6:00.

For the Channel 4 News team,
I'm Ron Burgundy.

You stay classy, San Diego.

Oh, that's good.
That's just good.

You're not eating your food.

Oh, you stupid, stupid man!

I can't believe that you said
that we were dating on the air, Ron!

- I thought you would like it!
- Don't you get it, Ron?

Well, I doubt anyone heard it.
I said it very fast.

- I think people...
- Hey, you two.

- Congrats on getting it on.
- Thank you, it is remarkable.

Yeah. I bet you're both
great in the sack.

Let's just say we get the job done.

This little lady here,
she knows how to handle herself.

- Yeah.
- OK.

- Are you both athletic?
- You know, I have a bad back.

Bad lower back,
so I have to watch out for that.

Other than that, I will
do some things in the bedroom

- that'll blow your mind.
- Ron!

Yeah, hey, enjoy your meal.

That was very nice.

I'm sorry, Veronica. I... I truly am!

I don't know what to say.
I just... I got excited.

Look, I report the news,
that's what I do.

And today's top story

in Ron Burgundy's world
read something like this:

"I love Veronica Corningstone."

Oh, Ron!

Are you two about to get it on?

Oh, no, no.
Not right now, maybe later.

- OK, stop answering him.
- I'm just trying to be polite.

'Cause getting it on's
a beautiful thing, you know. Hi, hi!

Geoff Grendon. I didn't introduce
myself. Geoff. E-O-double F.

- Geoff Grendon.
- If you all need photos.

- If you need wedding photography.
- Great.

Or boudoir photography.

I'd love to write that down.
I don't have a pen...

- You're being inappropriate.
- Yeah, hey...

Do y'all need more cheese? I can...

Honey, can I have your napkin
to write down Geoff's name?

- G-E-O-F-F...
- G...

- G-E-O-F-F, Grendon.
- Grendon.

Well, I understand, 00:27:47,410
and I would prefer if you didn't refer
to him as "a dirty little animal".

Well, OK, if that makes you feel happy.

But let me say
I really feel that Chris is at a point

that he's ready to turn
everything around.

What's that?

You don't? Well, fair enough.
But let me just say...

Let me just...

Let me... OK.

All right, well, thanks for listening
to my side of it anyway, sir.

You have a nice day. Goodbye.

I could come back later, 00:28:17,650
No, no, it's just parent stuff.

It seems that our youngest, Chris,

was joyriding with a sheet
of acid and a spear gun.

Anywho, what can I do you for?

I wanna investigate The Alarm Clock.

A source of mine at the FBI says that
they are planning a citywide disruption.

Take a shot at the meat loaf story,
and we'll see how that goes.

Well, what if I refuse?

Well, then you'll probably be fired.

Garth, let me handle this.

I'd probably have
to fire you, sweet-pants.

Well, then I would sue you, sir,
for sexual harassment.

I like the sound of that.

Sexual her-ass-ment.

Oh, 00:29:05,780
"You have a lot to learn about
a professional work environment."

That is very immature
and counterproductive.

"That is very immature
and counterproductive."

- Stop it. Stop it!
- "Stop it. Stop it."

- Stop it!
- "Stop it."

Nobody has done that
to me since I was in the sixth grade.

"No one has done that
to me since I was in the sixth grade."

Screw you, Harken!

Wait, are you coming on to me?

Because if you are, I am interested!

Veronica was doing
extremely well as Ron's co-anchor,

some would even say too well.

Veronica continued
to win awards and garner praise.

Ron's ego finally gave.

He would love Veronica, he would
even share a news desk with her,

but he would not be outshone by her.

She's got to be stopped.

- This has gone too far.
- I will not be a co-anchor.

Ron Burgundy is a lead anchor.

- She's writing her own stories.
- Her own stories, Ron.

Not to mention what this is doing
to your chances of going to network.

It's good to have you back. That female
messed with your head big-time.

- I like Ron.
- Thank you, Brick.

Remember that fairy that
was supposed to do financial reports?

Oh, yeah, we were
51 percent sure he was gay.

He was gay, all right. I made out
with him at the Christmas party.

- What?
- Nothing.

I say we run Corningstone out
like we did that girlie-boy.

Well, I'm in.

So, it's settled.
We declare war on Corningstone.

By the way, Brick,
what is that you're eating?

Oh, it's one of those

delicious falafel hot dogs
with cinnamon and bacon on top.

What do you mean "one of those"?
Those don't exist.

That's a used coffee filter
with cigarette butts on it.

Well, I got it out of the food basket
at the end of the lunch line.

That's the garbage can.

Although with the cooking at this place,
there's not much difference. Whammy.

Oh, that is true.
I didn't see that coming.

An astute observation
has led to laughter.

We are laughing.

And it is continuing,
and then slowing down a little,

- but there's still a good spirit...
- Yeah, we got it, Ron.

It's getting less.
There's a little chuckle,

and it's done.

You really wreck moments
when you do that, Ron.

Brick, please.
You're really gonna get sick.

The Coast Guard
was unavailable for comment.

- Veronica?
- A North Oregon man has come forward

with an antique sword
he found in his basement.

The sword itself belonged to Christopher
Columbus and may be worth $200, 000.

The man said he would keep his job
as a car wash attendant. Ron?

The... San Diego Padres

flew to Cincinnati.

Veronica Corningstone.

- Is this Veronica Corningstone?
- Yes, it is.

Did you order... ten pizzas?

- No, I did not.
- Well...

...you got nice boobies.

Excuse me?

This is pathetic, Ron.

What are you doing, Ron?

She can see us.

Damn these blinds,
I never figured them out.

Lasers are becoming more and more
a part of our daily lives.

And now here's Champ Kind with sports.

Boy, you seem
kind of weird tonight, honey.

It must be that time of the month.
Whammy!

Padres looking at
a double header today...

I'm just curious, Champ,
do you even know

what the expression
"that time of the month" means?

Sure, I do.

It's when the bones in a lady...

...lady's boobs, they get sore.

Because of the... the vaginalistic
cells are... expanding.

Whammy. Help.

I'll tell you...

You girls, you talk about it
a lot and you...

I know this, I know... I know...

It's your little friend,

and then, you gotta wear...

...protection.

And then, the belly button
is inflamed and...

And then engorging of the...

- ...fah-la-cule. Yeah.
- "Fallacule".

You might wanna
write that down, honey.

- Oh, I am.
- Little lesson tonight.

You didn't know you were dealing
with the science desk, probably there.

And then... nine months later
is the miracle of life. Whammy, huh?

Thank... thank you, Champ.

That will do it for sports.
Back to you, Ron.

Well, that was Champ Kind
with a very informative sports report.

OK, it's ringing, it's ringing.

- It's ringing.
- Here she comes, here she comes.

- Pick it up.
- Pick it up!

Veronica Cor...

Hello, Veronica.

Oh, Ron!

Really stupid, boys! Really stupid!

Oh, you got her.

Everybody, get down, this is a robbery!

We are The Alarm Clock!

It's time to let the truth ring out

and wake up all the squares

in this city of lies!

We got guns.
Now fill this sack with cash!

What do your masks mean?

Just fill the sack with cash!

Just what point
are you trying to make?

- Do you not like Lincoln?
- Yeah, of course we like Lincoln.

- He freed the slaves.
- So you like Lincoln and...

...Nixon and... werewolves?

- What?
- I mean, Nixon, whatever.

He's kind of a creep, but werewolves?

Werewolves are the walking undead.
They're bloodthirsty killers.

- Who likes werewolves?
- We don't like werewolves!

- We hate werewolves!
- You've got a werewolf mask on...

- I can see that.
- Are you bloodthirsty killers?

No, we are not bloodthirsty killers.
We're pacifists!

Not a smart thing to tell somebody
when you're robbing them,

OK, that you're a pacifist, 'cause
now I know you're not gonna kill me.

- Somebody shut her up!
- No, listen.

You've got it all wrong, OK?
They're just to cover our faces.

I'm not gonna give you money,
you didn't deserve it.

You say you're a political group?

You come in here with a Nixon mask,

and a werewolf mask and a Lincoln
mask, I'm gonna make connections.

So, what's your statement?
And this guy's not even wearing a mask!

- 'Cause I don't give a shit.
- That's scary to me. That works.

I will give that gentleman
a little bit of money.

But the rest of you, beat it!

What's going on? Get the money!

Hey, listen.
Our commitment is to truth,

not consistency.
Now fill the sack with cash!

Fine, your commitment is to truth?
Here's some truth.

The Alarm Clock is a ridiculous name.

- It's not scary.
- 00:37:30,410
- Let's shoot her!
- Excuse me, sir,

- could you lower your voice?
- Oh, hell no.

Now you're calling me sir?
I am a ma'am, ma'am.

I'm sorry, I didn't know
what sex the werewolf was.

How many werewolves do you
see around here wearing a skirt

and a gun? None!

Know what? Get out of here,
you dicks! You're a bunch of dicks!

I told you we should've
worn stocking masks.

All right, let's get out of here!

All right, let's go. Come on.

A pleasure doing business with you.

I'm coming back for you.
You got a bad attitude.

- You've got a bad attitude, sir.
- You... you're a jerk.

I'm sick of this.
I'm gonna move to Tahoe.

No! I mean, be cool, baby.

We're gonna get our message
on TV, I promise.

I would like the next person
in line, please.

Everybody, get down!

We are The Alarm Clock,
it's time to let the truth ring out

and wake up all the squares
in this city of lies.

We got guns.
Now fill this sack with cash!

Turn it off.

This was their sloppiest robbery yet,
which could mean they're desperate.

- How new is this?
- Forget it.

Channel 9 aired it as an exclusive.

- Aw, man nipple!
- " 00:38:48,950
- Is that a curse word?
- I'm pretty sure it is.

It's too bad, Ed.
We could've used a scoop like this.

"Wake up all the squares
in this city of lies."

God, I've heard that somewhere before.

Really? Doesn't ring a bell to me.

Donna? Donna?

Donna?

- I'm sorry. You OK?
- Yes.

Donna, I need the unedited tape of the
cat fashion show I did a while back.

- Do you have that?
- Sure.

Oh, wonderful.

- Here we go.
- Oh, good, thank you.

Can I say I think you're fantastic?

I see you, and you're just going.

And you're a girl. It just makes me
want to yell, "Keep going, girl!"

- Or, "You go, girl!"
- Keep working on that.

"Keep it up, lady." I don't know.

- That's probably silly.
- Are we done here?

- Oh, yeah.
- Good. Thank you, Donna,

- very much.
- And you're pretty.

And I'm bisexual.

I'm having a fondue party...

...in my pants.

- You have to move off-camera.
- I can dig it.

Let the truth ring out,
wake up all the squares

in this city of lies.

Garth, put Harken
on the phone right now.

He's gonna wanna hear this.

Sons of bitches.

Ed? Can you spell "award"?

You can't?

You're watching
Channel 4 News with Ron Burgundy,

and introducing our new lead anchor,
Veronica Corningstone.

It's Channel 4 News at 6:00.

- I'm Ron Burgundy.
- And I'm Veronica Corningstone.

Tonight's top story.
A chemical spill outside of Temecula

has closed down all lanes
of Interstate 15.

CHP has evacuated the area and has
reported that there are no injuries.

Local officials are concerned about
the long-term environmental effects

and are looking
where to place the blame.

That's nice, Billy.

I've witnessed train wrecks
that weren't this ugly.

In other news today, if you're
planning on taking the city bus,

it's gonna cost you extra.

City officials have raised bus fares
from 25 cents a ride to 35 cents,

so you're gonna have
to dig a little deeper.

Fine!

I know this has been hard for you, Ron.

I'm not gonna lie to you, Ed,
it's been a bear.

- You aren't crying, are you?
- Nope.

I wouldn't think
any less of you if you did.

- I'm not gonna cry.
- All right.

If it's any consolation,
this girl is good. She is damn good.

- She is a dynamic anchor.
- Yeah.

She is a hell of a journalist
in the field.

- I know you don't wanna hear it.
- I get it.

Look, I think it's time
that I get out on the streets

and do some real hard-hitting
journalism, you know?

I wanna... I wanna...

I've really been pondering, and
I think I'd make a hell of a reporter.

Oh, boy, Ron,
I think that is a bad idea.

You don't do well
without a TelePrompTer.

Well, that's just a rumor, OK?

Now, look, let me put together
a weekly feature

where I rip the lid off
of some big story.

Hey, Harken, nice suspenders, dick.

- What was that all about?
- That's my son.

Look, Ron, people seem to like you.
I'm not sure why.

Tell you what, I'll put you
in the field if that's what you want.

- Great.
- You've got to do this right.

I mean, follow leads, confirm sources.

I am talking real journalism, my friend.

Great. Right on. Now, what's a lead?

Well, Ron, a lead
is when you find information

that leads you to larger stories.

- You know what a source is.
- Easy. Yes.

No, I lied, I don't know.

Well, a... Oh, jeez. Why don't
you just watch Corningstone?

- She has a handle on what's going on.
- OK.

She's on the phone, viewing tapes. She's
probably got dozens ofjuicy leads.

- I'll watch her like a hawk.
- You do that. I have confidence.

- I'm gonna go grab some steam.
- Great.

Ron, I'm gonna go grab some steam.
See you back at the office.

I'll see you, Ed. I won't let you down.

Helen?

Helen, has anyone been at my desk?

I am missing some
very important papers that I need

- for a story I'm working on.
- Yes, Ron came by.

He said there were
naked pictures of him.

He wanted to get them
back from you, so...

What? He did what?

Oh, that... man!

I hope that crazy gypsies
castrate him and feed it to the dogs!

00:43:56,710
Yes, of course.
You have such passion.

All right, team, I've got
a hot lead right here.

Really? Where'd you get it?

- Stole it from Corningstone.
- Oh, cool, what is it?

It says, "Paul Hauser,
a tropical fish clerk at Pet Shack,

is head of the political group
known as The Alarm Clock."

Has his home address and everything.
Oh, my golly. This is great.

Wow. This is a big story.
You could win the Wurlitzer for this.

Hey, look, a camera.

If I win the Wurlitzer,
you guys are coming to the dinner.

- What do you say we do it, gang?
- Sweet sugar brown.

Step on it, Brian. We're about
to rip the lid off of this thing.

I'm Ron Burgundy, San Diego,
and it's time to rip the lid off of it!

I'm Ron Burgundy, reporting to you
from the mean streets of San Diego.

So mean, in fact,
I feel frightened for my life.

Guess what, citizens?
A political radical

eluding authorities for months
is living here, among you.

But I'm now going to...
rip the lid off of it!

Let's go. Hurry up.

Be swift! Be swift!

Stay close, guys.

Let's go, guys, stay sharp.

Well, if it isn't 00:45:25,550
- What?
- You heard what I said.

You are the devil incarnate.

What is that, a devil sandwich
made of lies and hubris?

I think you must have
the wrong house.

- Do I have the wrong house?
- Yeah, Hauser lives across the street.

Oh, that's a deceptive ploy, isn't it?
I ought to knock you in the hip.

00:45:47,570
Why don't you shut your mouth,
you filthy piece of trash?

You should go back to prison
where every pervert

can pass you around for cigarettes.

I don't understand. What's happening?

Would you like to tell the fine people
of San Diego what you've been up to.

Lies, corruption, deceit.

- Thuggery, buffoonery.
- 00:46:03,550
I don't like the way
you're looking at me.

You should avert your gaze,
because you are a low-life scum

who doesn't pay taxes
and is a Communist.

No, not I.

What would you say if I boxed you
in the ears for San Diego?

This ring right here that says RB.

I'd knock and break both...
the pair of spectacles you have on.

I got problems with my ears.
I don't need any more.

I'll give you more problems.
I'll give you problems in your kidneys.

I'm gonna batter your kidneys.
Champ, hold on to the microphone.

- I'm going to town.
- Ron?

- This is gonna be good.
- Ron, he's right.

The mailbox says Caltran.
We've got the wrong house.

00:46:45,250
We make mistakes, that's OK.
That's what happens in the news biz.

All right, let's try over here.
Stay focused, guys.

Stay focused, pick up the pace!

On behalf of Channel 4 News
and the Rip the Lid Off of It gang,

I'd like to say thank you for letting us
interview you on such short notice.

I don't know why you guys
wanna talk to me.

- I just sell tropical fish.
- Duly noted.

As a real journalist,
I have to start with one question:

Are you the leader of a radical group
known as The Alarm Clock?

- No.
- Sorry to have bothered you.

All right, guys, let's get that cable up
and let's just shove out of here.

I think we should...

Oh, yes.

Then how do you respond
to these security photos of you

outside the bank five minutes
before it was robbed

by four members of the group?

You're touching his face, Brick.
Look alive.

Well, that happens to be my bank.

Just because I go there doesn't
make me a dangerous radical.

By that logic, you could arrest anybody
who's ever been to a bank.

You know, like I said,
I work in a pet store, you know?

Pet Shack, you know?

- I sell tropical birds.
- Right.

I'm not even...
I'm not much for politics.

Once again, I am sorry.
Big hearty handshake.

Let's bring the van around the front,
and maybe go get lunch at Lancer's.

I think I'll have a veal chop.
Would you stop coughing!

- Look at these.
- Do you need a lozenge?

Oh, right.

How could I forget?

Then how do you explain
this clear voice match

between you and the man
in the security cam footage?

A lot of guys talk like I do.

- 00:48:35,530
- Hadn't thought of that.
- Or...

Or maybe The Alarm Clock is going off!

You're gonna pay for this,
Ron Burgundy! Let the truth ring out!

Follow him with the camera!

Oh, boy, he's fast.

Boy, we really ripped
the lid off of that!

He took the van.

Oh, my God.
He is a member of The Alarm Clock.

This is fun!
All right, what do we do now?

Since this report was filed,
Paul Hauser has disappeared.

Unfortunately, police were
just days away from arresting him,

but now must start from scratch.

Well, that was quite a story, Ron.

Well, I appreciate that. It sure was.

I really kind of found myself
as a reporter, as a journalist.

But that's myjob. I'm a journalist,

I'm a very good journalist.
I'm a damn fine journalist.

And right now,
I'm sensing some jealousy.

But that's part of the game.

Sometimes some people are better
and other people aren't.

So coming up
after the commercial break,

Brick Tamland, he's gonna
have a little weather report for you.

We have a hot one in store
over here in Fallbrook.

It's 100, you can
expect on Tuesday...

Not yet, Brick.

- We'll be right back.
- We'll be right back.

Huh? That's how you do it.

- By the way, P.S.
- Unbelievable.

Unbelievably good.

That was great,
that came off well.

I couldn't have done it
without you guys.

Impeding a federal investigation,

stealing another reporter's lead,

and not to mention
losing an $80, 000 news van,

Ron was fired that night
by Ed Harken.

And once again,
he hit bottom... fast.

You bastard, we trusted you.

In fact, Ron bottomed out
as fast as just about anyone.

He sometimes bottomed out
when he couldn't find a parking place

or if the sports section
was missing from the paper.

Anyway, I feel like
I'm explaining this too much.

Sharon! Damn it, Sharon,
I'm recording narration.

Turn that phone off.

Sorry about that.
So anyway, he hit bottom.

It's Channel 4 News at 6:00.

Good evening, San Diego.
I'm lead anchor, Veronica Corningstone.

This just in.

The group, The Alarm Clock,
using the Channel 4 News van,

- ran an armored car off the road...
- Damn it, Harken!

...and stole nearly $50, 000.

For crying out loud!

...since they stole it
from former anchor, Ron Burgundy.

I hope you're happy.
I'm trying to just enjoy my ribs.

From all of us here at Channel 4 News,
I'm Veronica Corningstone,

and you stay classy, San Di...

Thanks for stopping by, San Diego.

All clear.

Charlie, I needed
that research last week.

Well, get it to me
as soon as possible. Thank you.

- 00:52:25,050
I tried calling the mayor's office.
They won't call back.

Try again. Tell them that it's me

and that he owes me something.
He knows that.

Why do you have to keep
typing this in Chinese, Lloyd?

Helen, would you put Ron on the phone?

You know what? Forget it.

It's all right, no.
I'll call him later.

The V's aren't working
on my typewriter.

It's "Eronica Corningstone".
That's horrible, that can't say that.

00:53:40,130
What did I do wrong?

I'm not home right now

I am not home

I am out, so leave a message

When the machine goes beep

Ron, this is your mentor,
Jess Moondragon.

I thought maybe you'd like to talk.

Jess...

...help me.

You've done well
for yourself, Jess.

Yeah, I dreaded retirement forever,
until I found this piece of land.

- It's God's country.
- 00:54:24,670
00:54:28,970
She's a giving lady,
00:54:31,050
Didn't even bother
to put on make-up.

You know, I'd deeply like
to take her and...

...make love to her.

She's an elusive goddess,
00:54:46,530
Yeah. Still, to...

...feel her succulent breasts
pressed against me...

...and my breath,

whispering hot in her ear,

"Yeah, baby"...

...while I fumble with my belt.

You get my drift, friend?

Yeah. Yeah, I do.

I do. But therein lies the rub,
for she turns away all suitors.

I'd like to take 00:55:21,770
get in the shower
and wash each other all over,

then go in the bedroom and do things
you can only do in Bangkok.

All right, I have to stop you there.
You're making me very uncomfortable.

Sorry, Ron Burgundy, I...
00:55:39,250
So I guess you heard
what happened to me.

I did indeed, old friend.

Everyone hates me, Jess.

I can't work anywhere.

00:55:53,180
Now, you listen to me.

The world always needs
a good anchor,

and Ron Burgundy
is a damn fine one,

so you just hang in there.

That's your advice? "Hang in there?"

Look, I don't know why you ever looked
up to me so much in the first place.

I'm not all that great a guy.

Well, then I guess I'll be going.

You know, it's funny. I always wanted
to do a broadcast from the observatory.

I bet you could reach
a million homes from up there.

Now, I'd be happy
to reach just one.

Why don't you take
a naked nature walk with me?

- It'd cheer you up.
- Yeah, I'm not gonna do that.

I tell you, you get out there,
and everything's just hanging free.

- Kind of weird.
- The deer come up, sniff you.

- Not my style.
- It's neat. Bend over to pick a flower

- and that cold nose...
- Now, I'm getting uncomfortable.

I got extra sandals.

- I bet you do.
- Really, I mean, come on...

- Nope. Nope.
- You'd like it. It'd make me happy.

- Nope.
- 00:57:00,120
- Not gonna do it.
- Come on.

Well, hello, 00:57:10,090
Guess what? Now you're
gonna read the real news.

I hope you don't mind,
I ate some of your cottage cheese.

What're you doing?
Give me the whistle.

Let's go. Come on, come on.

- 00:57:29,480
How many times
we had this conversation?

- About a million times.
- I guess it'll be a million and one,

so listen up. You cannot
hang around people's houses at night

- wearing a ski mask.
- I'm not hanging out, I'm doing stuff.

- Well, it makes them nervous.
- Sorry, Dad. God.

If you have to be back there,
take a look,

see what you gotta see
leave like a gentleman.

- Bitch.
- If they start to scream,

- don't try to "shut them up."
- Is it cool if I smoke a joint?

- Now, what do you think?
- Oh, sweet. Thanks, dude.

Will you put that thing out?

Shut up! You're not
the boss of me anymore, I'm 14!

See the hair on my chest?
It means I'm a man now.

I didn't see it.
You think you're tough?

Swing. I'll hit you so hard you'll wear
a catheter as a charm bracelet.

I'm right here!
I'm gonna kill myself!

Oh, promises, promises!

- Ed! Sorry to interrupt.
- We're having a father and son chat.

Veronica's 00:58:31,790
"Dig it, at long last, 00:58:35,170
will read the truth."
Signed The Alarm Clock.

See? I told you I wasn't
part of that group.

OK, it looks like
I owe your mother $10.

Always accusing me.

Hey, don't bogart myjay!
What's up?

Oh... never mind!

I'll hold that as evidence.
You take this down to fingerprinting.

We don't have fingerprinting, do we?
Just file it.

You'd do well to emulate that man.
He's pulled himself up by bootstraps.

"Take this and put it in the files.

- Do everything I say."
- Oh, that's a nice mouth.

I suppose you wanna be
like your friend

who's so proud of himself
'cause he's a model prisoner.

Spider at least has a good heart.

In local news...

...Dr. Jim Bavelick

grew the world's largest tomato.

Hey, fella, you need to take a bath.
You're starting to stink.

You don't talk to me like that.
I'm an anchorman.

Take care of that,
or I'll call the police. Hear me, Ace?

Yeah, I hear you, Ace!

I'll crush your balls
in these two cups here.

- What did you say?
- I said I'll crush...

Wes Mantooth reporting
from the residence

of rival anchorperson
Veronica Corningstone,

where last night she was
kidnapped by The Alarm Clock.

Veronica.

Police believe the group
is trying to get Corningstone

to anchor a pirate broadcast
from an unknown location

of their sick, twisted message.

And while it is not my job
to speculate, odds are...

...she's probably already dead.

I wonder where
those hippies took her.

It must be somewhere
with a big enough broadcast radius...

Eli Whitney's nose!
I know where they are!

The San Diego Observatory.
It's the highest point in the area.

Call the cops.
There's a phone by the door.

No. If they go up there
with their sirens blaring,

those crazies could panic.

I did this.
Now I have to make it right.

Good evening, I'm Ron Burgundy.

Son of a man nipple.
01:00:56,060
If I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna need
my news team at my side.

News team, assemble!

I'm sorry we turned
our backs on you, Ron.

- Sorry, Ron. That was horrible.
- Hey, all is forgiven, all right?

I'm glad we're
back together as a team.

- We love you, Ron.
- Thanks, man.

I love you, Ron.

I said I love you, Ron.

Why is everyone ignoring me?

I love you, Ron.

And I think we should
adopt a child together in Vermont.

- Answer me!
- So...

...the car's running great.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- Take it in for a tune-up?

- Yeah. Changed the oil and...
- Good.

Answer me! Ron!

Ron... I know you heard me.

I love you.

And I wanna be with you...

...like men.
I wanna be inside you.

I want you inside me.

- Anybody up for the radio?
- I would love to hear the radio.

No radio!
I have something to say to Ron!

You know I've had feelings
for you for a long time.

We'd be good together, Ron, I... I...
I'm a good cook.

Do you like your feet rubbed?
I bet you do.

I'll rub 'em,
and maybe we could

get married in a ceremony
presided over by Roger Staubach.

I called him last week,
I hope that's OK.

01:02:49,130
- Sounds OK.
- Yeah, burrito.

Say it! Say, "Champ Burgundy".
Say it!

Tostada.

- Tostadas would be great.
- Oh, man.

I am in love with Ron Burgundy!

I'm always thinking about you, Ron.

I have dream journals about you.
Filled pages.

When I make love to women,
I close my eyes

and think of you when I finish.

Ron Burgundy

Is in love with me

Ron Burgundy

And Champion Kind

Oh, let's be so beautiful together

Running in the grass

In the summer and the fall

And wintertime too

- How much longer you think?
- It's gotta be another five minutes.

- The problem is the altitude.
- Right.

Ron?
I know you can hear me.

I wanna...
I wanna kiss you on the mouth.

I wanna...

Ron...

Ron.

Ron...

- Good to get my parking spot back.
- Yeah.

I love you!
Don't ignore me!

I am in love with Ron Burgundy!

Hey, girl.

01:04:47,250
From this altitude,
we can overlap into every channel,

- every station, every frequency.
- Dig it.

It's time to light this bad boy up.
I'm gonna tell you.

Hello, gentlemen.

Everything is ready for you.

Thank you, Jess 01:05:17,450
Boy, you should really
put some pants on.

All right. Remember, the observatory
is directly over that mountain pass.

- Right.
- That's some rough country.

- How're we gonna get up there?
- As I said...

...everything is ready for you.

God be with you,
Channel 4 News Team!

God be with you!

This is serious, this is not a...

No, don't do that to him.

Let's go, fellas.
Give 11 0 percent.

Come on! We've almost got it!

Stay close, gang.

This is treacherous country.

01:06:50,500
Gentlemen, bad news.
I believe we're lost.

What're we gonna do?
We don't have food or water.

Take it easy!
Just everyone, relax!

If we panic, we die! OK? Easy!

Now...

OK, let's check the wind direction.

And f... No, no, shut up!

Everyone shut up! We've got

some very tough decisions
to make in the next couple of hours,

or maybe even months.

Or even years, I don't know.

Just spit it out, RB.
You're talking about cannibalism.

Am I? Is that what I'm talking about?

I guess I am.
I'm talking about cannibalism.

Developed by the Japanese
in the 1800s...

...and now we're going to use it
in present-day time.

The eating of flesh
for the sustention of life.

What do you think of that?
It's about to happen!

It'll have to be the weakest one.

Sweet Lord, I don't know
if I can eat a friend.

I once ate an entire bowl of LEGOS.

I don't care, Brick!
I just don't care!

How's that twisted ankle
of yours, Brian?

It's fine.
I barely even feel it any more.

Please, Brian, please.

- Don't struggle.
- What are you guys doing?

Come on.
It's for the good of the group.

Just lay down so we can eat you.

- No.
- Don't make this harder

- than it has to be.
- Stay away from me, you bastards!

Let me do it, Ron. Don't need you
being implicated in this murder.

Hush little baby
Daddy's coming to eat you

Mamma's gonna buy you
a back of your calf

Don't, wait, don't eat me.
Don't eat me. Eat Brick, he won't care.

- No, that's fine.
- You're a lot leaner.

Stop it, guys.

Please relax. Think of
something relaxing, like a stream

- or a meadow.
- Stay away from me!

- Stay away from me!
- OK, yeah.

- Back, back, back!
- Let me do it.

I've wanted to do this
for a long time.

Dreamt of it. Dreams of Fantana!

- Stay away!
- I'm gonna eat your face

off your bones, Fantana!
Let me do it, Ron!

You say it, and I'll kill this man!

- Do it, Champ. Drop the rock.
- No, guys, come on!

Drop the rock. Drop the rock.

- It was an accident.
- Pretend I'm a wolverine.

I'll give you a wolverine.

- We had to eat him!
- Don't struggle. It's for the group.

I've never even slept with a lady!

Hey, you guys.
Look at the big white bubbly building!

Good work, Brick.
All right, team. Let's move out.

Keep a tight perimeter.

Nice job.

All right, gang, it's real simple.

Just like when we were back together
in 'Nam in '64. I'll take point...

Stand down, Corporal Burgundy.
I'm running this show now.

- Affirmative, a-ffir-ma-tive?
- Affirmative.

I'll take point.
Champ, right flank.

Gator Dirty Teacup.
We will fan out,

to a cobra double-helix formation.

If we encounter any hostiles...

...silent throat cuts only.

On my... mark.

Looks like the captain's back.

- Any word yet from the police?
- Nothing. No sign of her.

No one's heard from the rest
of the news team either.

Well, I hope they find them soon.

These weekend anchors we have
to fill in are... just not cutting it.

- One of our own is missing.
- Ready two.

01:11:25,020
We are looking for

any information we have on the lady.

And you can call...
you can call this number.

- Where's the friggin' number?
- Ready two.

I do have a message
for one of our viewers.

01:11:45,170
I didn't know I was coming to work
today, they called last minute.

I left spaghetti on the stove. I swear
to God, I will cut your hair tomorrow.

I want them off the air now!

Why don't you think
about losing the beard?

I guess her name... I can't... Ian!

I can't find the number!

You see, 01:12:08,110
When that anchor
reads our manifesto,

this city's gonna go crazy
with the truth.

- Have you finished the manifesto?
- Yeah, it's almost done.

I gotta get a new typewriter ribbon.
It's all up here.

Ron! Ron, be careful.

Blink and you're dead
'cause we're in Rome now.

Well, if it isn't Whitey 01:12:35,970
Oh, Ron, I can't
believe you came for me.

I've been thinking
about you every second.

Part of the time wanting to kill you
because of my hatred.

Another time,
wanting to make love to you

in a 24-hour endless cycle.

Ron, there's something
that you should know.

- You needn't say a word.
- But, Ron, I wasn't myself.

I was angry, I was consumed
with ambition, and I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, my little chinchilla.

If it wasn't for my stupid pride,
we wouldn't be here right now.

OK, here's what's gonna happen,
01:13:14,300
In 10 minutes, we're going live.

At that point,
you will read our statement.

- The hell I will.
- Then we kill you.

Go ahead. I am an anchor,

and I would rather die
than lose my credibility.

I'll do it.

I've just been informed
by law enforcement

this is the largest
search-and-rescue operation

ever to be conducted
in the San Diego metropolitan area.

Is this worth our tax dollars?
01:13:46,420
One thing here today
is for sure, though,

this is a frightening
and confusing story.

But I'm here for you, San Diego.

Go on, pull up a chair.
Put your hand on the TV set.

We'll get through this thing together.

I am Wes 01:14:05,730
human being.

Listen up. We're going live
on the air in two minutes.

I'm ready to go here.
But I have to be honest with you.

This copy you've handed me,
it's not your best work.

It's awful. But I can't possibly
read this on the air.

Besides, it needs to be typed
and preferably double-spaced.

Courier, Helvetica, 01:14:31,540
OK, all right, enough.
I'm... I'm almost finished.

I'm almost done. I've just got to...

- ...do this one part here.
- 01:14:40,340
You been writing that manifesto
for three months, man.

- Read it before I kick your ass.
- Yeah, you jive turkey, read it.

You wanna hear the manifesto?
OK, fine, here it is!

Here is how The Alarm Clock
will change the world forever!

All right, you know how when we...

...drink beer or soda, and then
we throw out the bottles and cans?

Well, how about we start saving
those bottles and cans?

- Reuse them.
- You are a lunatic.

Yeah, you'd need a whole 'nother
garbage can for the bottles.

- People would never do that.
- Wait, wait... What about...?

You didn't get to the part about
electric cars so we don't have

- to be dependent on foreign oil!
- Electric cars?

01:15:36,150
You are, aren't you?
I know you took some of my weed!

Some of my weed is missing
out of my purse. It was you!

I would just shoot him right now.

We gotta let the people know
that meat is good for you,

- and potatoes make you fat!
- Oh, man.

You know what? I cannot believe
I did you in the hammock.

I gave you all my Juicy Fruit,
then you treat me like this.

- I have had it!
- We can't read this crap on the air.

We should all have computers
in our houses,

every one of us,
so that we could talk to each other

- with the computers.
- That's gonna happen.

Now you're talkin' crazy.
01:16:21,990
You'll make us look like
some kind ofjoke.

01:16:27,740
Get on the TV
and make us sound good.

01:16:33,870
so we can have the people
hear about truth and freedom.

They'll believe you.
Get on there, man.

It's just not that simple.
I need a TelePrompTer

and I need proper copy.

- Then the pretty lady dies.
- Ron.

01:16:54,020
We're on live in ten, nine,

- eight, seven, six...
- I need a TelePrompTer, I can't!

- Ron...
- ...five, four,

three, two, and we're live.

What's happening, Daddy?

What happened to the TV?

- What in the Sam Hill?
- It's on all three channels.

Not a thing I can do.
They're breaking our signal.

What the hell's wrong with him?

Good Lord!
He's got no TelePrompTer.

He... has no words.

Wash... washcloth.

Damn it.

01:18:29,370
01:18:36,120
I can't think of a word.
Think of any word, just say it.

Camel...

Process the informa...
It's just a blank slate.

When I close my eyes,
it's a blank slate.

01:18:53,890
- Happy birthday to me.
- Ron, say something.

01:18:59,310
It's too loud. It's too loud.

01:19:04,280
Too loud. I'm Ron Channely...

I'm 01:19:11,780
Aspen, Colorado. 01:19:15,450
Astronauts are on the 01:19:19,080
- Watch out for the astronauts.
- Ron.

There's no TelePrompTer,
I can't do it.

Ron, it's jazz. It's jazz, baby.

- Let it flow. Let it flow.
- I can feel it.

I can feel it.

Good evening. I'm Ron Burgundy,
reporting from life.

I'd first like to apologize
for my past

and hateful transgressions.

I am sorry, dear San Diego.

First of all, I'd like you
to know that I'm safe.

However, I'm under
the careful scrutiny

of a group of young upstarts
who call themselves The Alarm Clock.

And I have to say, although
their methods may be questionable,

they are on the road
to righteous truth.

That's it, that's it.
Use them anchorman tricks.

Have all them people follow us.

A road that if you follow it
with your heart,

will lead you, oddly enough,
by the old 01:20:27,230
- you know, near the pickle stand...
- Wait.

He's giving directions
to where they are.

- Take this down.
- ...to Old Gearson Road.

A group that outshines
many of the radicals...

- Good. You're good.
- ...we come across today.

In fact, they are bright, pearly,
shining stars, that needn't be observed

by, say, a telescope
in an observatory.

- He's narc-ing!
- He's telling the cops where we are!

News team!
Commence Delta, Charlie, Charlie!

Yo, yo, yo! We've been burned!

What in the name of Solomon?

What the shit?

I'm gonna kill these punks.

- News team!
- Let's rock.

- Good work, team.
- Garbanzo!

It's just a new catch phrase
I was trying out instead of whammy.

No, I'd stick with whammy, Champ.

Whammy works.

I like whammy better.
Stick with whammy.

I'm not a fake!
Let the revolution begin!

Veronica!

Ron!

Spiderman's balls, that hurt!

Oh, 01:22:53,250
And I would not do that again.

Let's be clear on that.
I care for you deeply, but that...

It hurts!
Oh, it hurts like a bitchy-bitch.

01:23:11,230
that I should be with instead,
but I love you.

- Baby, cuff me back up.
- Yes.

- You're gonna get cuffed.
- Cuff me back up. Yes!

- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah. Oh, now we're doing this.

- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah! Yeah!

Oh, hey, say, you're cutting off
the circulation to my hindquarters.

- It's hypnotic...
- Release the pressure.

- ...yet disgusting.
- I'm gonna pass out.

- That feels good, baby.
- That feels good.

That's nice.

Now it's gonna get good.
Now it's gonna get good.

- Get it off, get it off.
- Get that off, get that off.

- Punch me in the arm. Again!
- Did it hurt, baby?

- Yes.
- Did it hurt?

Let me wake up the black lady.

Cuff me, cuff me, cuff me.

Cuff me, cuff... Cuff me.

Oh, yes, yes, yes!

- Slap it, slap me, slap me.
- What do I slap?

Slap my ass, Daddy!
Yes! Yes! Yes!

- I'm gonna punch it now.
- Oh, 01:24:55,960
- I wanna bite it!
- I like those tomatoes!

- I'm hungry.
- Yeah. We don't need to see this.

Let's go to Charlie Lancer's
and get you a candle.

- Candle!
- A nice red one.

As for the news team,

Brian Fantana is still
a successful reality TV host.

And recently,
he married Paula Abdul.

The ceremony took place at Shutters,
and Lorenzo Lamas was the best man.

Champ Kind
has fallen on hard times

since being fired
as an NFL commentator.

He now sells those big crayon balloons
in the parking lot of the Ice Capades,

and will say "whammy!"
at birthday parties for $20

and a 12-pack of Stroh's.

After serving as Bush's
top political advisor for three years,

Brick went in
to the private sector,

where he is now
the CEO of Halliburton.

01:26:15,870
We're doing a "when the newsman
becomes news" angle.

How would you like
to report your own story?

Network, huh?

I'm Ron Burgundy. If you're looking
for the best coverage of this story,

you need the best journalist.

And that would be
this little lady right behind me.

- Oh, no, Ron, I can't.
- Yes, you can.

You're the best I've ever seen,
and that's a fact.

- Oh, Ron.
- Can you feel it?

This is a very, very special
and emotional moment.

I've learned to accept you
for who you are

and I'm a much better man
because of it.

- Ron.
- It's so special.

- And it's happening right now.
- Honey, you're wrecking it.

Right.

Have at it, my little wild flower.

I'm Veronica Corningstone,
reporting for Channel 4 News.

Today could have been
a very dark day,

if not for the quick thinking
of one brave man:

- Ron Burgundy.
- Ron Burgundy, I hate you.

But damn it, I respect you.

Wes Mantooth is still
in San Diego and still number two.

And he still hates Ron Burgundy
with an unnatural burning intensity.

The Alarm Clock was jailed
for five years,

but upon being released,

started a little company
called Macintosh.

They are now worth
six billion dollars

and own the San Jose Sharks
hockey team.

All photos and tapes
of Ron Burgundy

have long since been
thrown away or erased.

He's but a memory now
for a select few.

But talk to one of those old timers,
and they'll lean in and say one thing:

Ron Burgundy was the truth.