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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:09,210 There are stories, epic and grand stories, 2 00:00:09,380 --> 00:00:12,720 that are forever lost in the sands of time, 3 00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:16,050 forgotten or changed by cruel kings 4 00:00:16,220 --> 00:00:19,100 who can hear only the whispers of these lost legends. 5 00:00:19,260 --> 00:00:21,100 Right there, Scottie. Take her down. 6 00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:26,020 Still, other tales become too frightening 7 00:00:26,190 --> 00:00:29,480 for future generations to impart to their young. 8 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:32,400 But other stories are lost to us 9 00:00:32,570 --> 00:00:35,530 because they don't test well with recruited audiences 10 00:00:35,700 --> 00:00:40,030 or because a movie is too long and the story must be cut for time. 11 00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:43,830 This is one of those tales. 12 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:45,830 This is the chaff from the wheat, 13 00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:47,670 the skim from the milk... 14 00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:52,300 ...the pudding from the all-you-can-eat lobster buffet, 15 00:00:52,460 --> 00:00:55,840 and the surgeon guy from Prince and the Revolution. 16 00:00:57,970 --> 00:01:02,970 This is The Lost 00:01:10,110 Don't worry, San Diego, Daddy's here. 18 00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:20,740 - Hey, Ron Burgundy! You're the best! - Looking good, San Diego. 19 00:01:20,910 --> 00:01:23,660 I just met Ron Burgundy, and he gave me a cup! 20 00:01:24,660 --> 00:01:28,250 Hey, Ron Burgundy! You should do story about me. 21 00:01:28,420 --> 00:01:30,420 You're a riot, Nikos. 22 00:01:34,590 --> 00:01:36,260 Hey, Ron. Bottoms up! 23 00:01:36,420 --> 00:01:38,380 Well, hello, booze. 24 00:01:43,390 --> 00:01:45,720 Peace, brother. I'm where you're at. 25 00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:49,190 Hey, I like that fanny. 26 00:01:49,350 --> 00:01:52,690 Oh, 00:01:59,450 Ron Burgundy was at the peak of his power as an anchorman. 28 00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:01,780 I got you, Old Glory. 29 00:02:01,950 --> 00:02:03,780 Walking tall and sharing a desk 30 00:02:03,950 --> 00:02:06,620 with his beloved Veronica Corningstone. 31 00:02:06,790 --> 00:02:09,290 Wait a minute, who's that handsome devil? 32 00:02:10,830 --> 00:02:14,840 The city of San Diego now had a king and a queen, 33 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:18,470 and they ruled with a mighty and sometimes sexy hand. 34 00:02:22,470 --> 00:02:24,810 Veronica, however, had recently been nominated 35 00:02:24,970 --> 00:02:27,680 for a National Excellence in Broadcasting Award 36 00:02:27,850 --> 00:02:29,480 and was out of town. 37 00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:33,650 For one night only, it was just Ron and the boys. 38 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:35,570 Champ, did you get lucky last night? 39 00:02:35,730 --> 00:02:37,900 No. Last night... 40 00:02:38,070 --> 00:02:41,450 Oh, I stayed home for a while, drank about six bottles of white wine, 41 00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:44,660 pissed my pants, so I drove down to 00:02:46,580 and shot some stray dogs. 43 00:02:46,740 --> 00:02:49,540 You know, pretty much standard Tuesday night. 44 00:02:49,710 --> 00:02:53,420 Hey, you guys, what is that word? 45 00:02:53,590 --> 00:02:56,210 - "Because". - Bee-cose... 46 00:02:56,380 --> 00:02:58,590 - Because. Because. - Is that even a word? 47 00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:02,220 Alrighty, news team, whose drink needs a freshening up? Anyone? 48 00:03:02,390 --> 00:03:05,390 Helen, I'll have a Beefeater and tonic, hold the tonic. 49 00:03:09,020 --> 00:03:10,310 Ron! 50 00:03:11,100 --> 00:03:15,310 I know. I know I'm bad. I've been a bad boy. 51 00:03:17,690 --> 00:03:20,610 I know, it's silly. All right, gang, it's almost six. 52 00:03:20,780 --> 00:03:22,320 Let's do what we're paid to do. 53 00:03:29,620 --> 00:03:36,960 Unique New York. 54 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:43,510 A tarantula enjoys a fine chewing gum. 55 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:45,220 Chewing gum. 56 00:03:46,550 --> 00:03:48,720 Snoopy was stabbed by a spear. 57 00:03:48,890 --> 00:03:51,390 The Human Torch was denied a bank loan. 58 00:03:53,310 --> 00:03:57,560 The arsonist has oddly-shaped feet. The arsonist. The arsonist. 59 00:03:59,230 --> 00:04:00,400 Cue it. 60 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:02,440 Ready, Phil. 61 00:04:09,910 --> 00:04:12,000 We're on in five, four... 62 00:04:17,380 --> 00:04:20,130 It's Channel 4 News at 6:00. 63 00:04:24,470 --> 00:04:27,180 Good evening. I'm Ron Burgundy, and this is what's happening 64 00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:30,720 in your world tonight. An international coalition of countries 65 00:04:30,890 --> 00:04:33,480 has banded together to investigate and solve 66 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:37,980 the mystery of the Bigfoot once and for all. 67 00:04:38,150 --> 00:04:41,820 The conference held in 00:04:46,910 - from the United States... - Ron Burgundy. Oh, boy. 69 00:04:47,070 --> 00:04:49,370 If I were only 30 years younger... 70 00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:53,120 By that, I mean I'd blow him. 71 00:04:53,290 --> 00:04:56,250 ...with some interesting new and shocking statistics 72 00:04:56,420 --> 00:04:58,670 out of Washington, here's Brian Fantana 73 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,790 with a report you won't want to miss. 74 00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:03,210 Tonight, I conclude my five-part series 75 00:05:03,380 --> 00:05:05,550 on the evils of breast-feeding. 76 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:09,340 So remember, let's leave those ho-hos to us big kids, moms. 77 00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:12,810 Well, it looks like it's gonna be another great weekend. 78 00:05:12,970 --> 00:05:15,810 Here to tell us about it is Brick Tamland with weather. Brick? 79 00:05:15,980 --> 00:05:19,060 Now, it got all the way up to 97 degrees 80 00:05:19,230 --> 00:05:22,230 in some of the outlying areas today, and that, my friend, 81 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:26,110 is really, really hot. And I always make the same plea 82 00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:28,240 every year at this time. 83 00:05:28,410 --> 00:05:31,910 If you've got pets and you're going to leave them in the car 84 00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:34,830 in this kind of heat, make sure they have a lot of chew toys, 85 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:38,250 and roll up the window, so that heat doesn't get into the car. 86 00:05:38,420 --> 00:05:40,380 Lots going on in the world of sports. 87 00:05:40,540 --> 00:05:43,170 Champ Kind is gonna let us know what's going down. 88 00:05:43,340 --> 00:05:47,510 Big night for the Padres finishing up a three-game series with the Dodgers. 89 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:49,300 They lost the game 4-2. 90 00:05:49,470 --> 00:05:53,430 Here's the pitch, a curveball, what happens? I'll tell you what happens. 91 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:55,520 And... whammy! 92 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:57,980 Dave Winfield takes Burt Hooten deep. 93 00:05:58,850 --> 00:06:00,350 Box seven, let's ready three. 94 00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:03,400 Here at Channel 4 News, I'm Champ Kind. Back to you, Ron. 95 00:06:03,570 --> 00:06:06,740 There was a special addition today at the San Diego Zoo 96 00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:11,740 as Linda the giraffe gave birth to a 42-pound baby boy. 97 00:06:11,910 --> 00:06:16,450 Officials at the zoo say the baby giraffe will be named Freedom. 98 00:06:16,620 --> 00:06:19,410 Looks like the Clippers might have themselves a new center. 99 00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:21,120 00:06:25,670 For all of us here at News Center 4, 101 00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:29,050 I'm Ron Burgundy. You stay classy, San Diego. 102 00:06:31,970 --> 00:06:33,430 All clear. 103 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:36,390 Ron Burgundy scores. 104 00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:37,970 You're my boy. 105 00:06:38,140 --> 00:06:40,230 Hey, Ron, Deacon Charlie, 106 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,150 the weather man over at Channel 2 News, is having a pool party. 107 00:06:43,310 --> 00:06:44,980 Every anchor in town is gonna be there. 108 00:06:45,150 --> 00:06:48,400 Well, I think it's time to show the fine gals of this city 109 00:06:48,570 --> 00:06:50,530 what a number-one rated news team looks like. 110 00:06:53,910 --> 00:06:54,910 News team! 111 00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:10,840 And with Veronica gone and another broadcast done, 112 00:07:11,010 --> 00:07:15,430 it was time to do one thing: socialize... hard. 113 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:22,140 I couldn't do that. I couldn't do that. 114 00:07:23,350 --> 00:07:27,940 - Hey, Ron, know what Chlamydia is? - No, but it sounds like fun. 115 00:07:28,110 --> 00:07:29,900 - Hey, Ron. - Garth. How's the divorce? 116 00:07:30,070 --> 00:07:31,820 Not good. 00:07:35,370 I don't have time. You done with that? I think you are now. 118 00:07:35,740 --> 00:07:39,660 Well, hello, Pete. You look good. So do you. 119 00:07:39,830 --> 00:07:41,500 Konnichiwa. 120 00:07:41,660 --> 00:07:44,670 - Cannonball! - Hey, everyone! 121 00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:49,170 Orgy! 122 00:07:57,390 --> 00:08:02,140 Sorry, I misread the vibe. Just go back to what you were doing. 123 00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:10,030 Everybody get down! 124 00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:12,860 This is a robbery! We are The Alarm Clock! 125 00:08:13,030 --> 00:08:14,280 Ring, ring, ring. 126 00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:19,580 - It all begins today! - Heroes get blasted! 127 00:08:19,740 --> 00:08:22,910 Shoot, I'm havin' a good time! This is a party! Come on! 128 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:27,000 It's a revolutionary sure shot. We're taking it all back. 129 00:08:27,170 --> 00:08:30,420 Y'all better wake up, 'cause The Alarm Clock's ringin'. 130 00:08:30,590 --> 00:08:32,590 Ding-a-ling-a-ding-ding-dong! 131 00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:35,130 You've got a real reason to be afraid! 132 00:08:35,590 --> 00:08:36,590 Hurry up! 133 00:08:38,890 --> 00:08:42,060 We are liberating this money so that the truth can be set free, 134 00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:45,810 and the people of this city can wake up! Dig it! 135 00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:52,070 We are The Alarm Clock! 136 00:09:00,330 --> 00:09:05,290 Oh, that was one crazy party. I feel awful. 137 00:09:05,830 --> 00:09:09,130 I had about 70 beers. I mean, literally. 138 00:09:09,670 --> 00:09:12,670 I ate a whole bunch of fiberglass insulation. 139 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:16,130 It wasn't cotton candy like that guy said. 140 00:09:16,300 --> 00:09:17,300 00:09:22,640 I woke up this morning, and I shit a squirrel. 142 00:09:22,810 --> 00:09:24,890 The hell of it is, the thing was still alive. 143 00:09:25,060 --> 00:09:27,940 So now I got this shit-covered squirrel 144 00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:30,900 down there in my office, don't know what to name it. 145 00:09:31,860 --> 00:09:33,480 You should name him Shawn. 146 00:09:33,650 --> 00:09:36,570 All right, guys, let's focus up. 147 00:09:36,740 --> 00:09:41,530 00:09:45,580 The radical protest group called The Alarm Clock 149 00:09:45,750 --> 00:09:48,080 robbed their third bank this morning. 150 00:09:48,250 --> 00:09:51,080 Let's keep on top of this story. If it gets any bigger, 151 00:09:51,250 --> 00:09:53,170 the network could need coverage. 152 00:09:53,340 --> 00:09:56,210 Veronica had gone straight from the airport to the newsroom... 153 00:09:56,380 --> 00:09:58,630 - Hello. - ...and Ron's heart nearly leapt 154 00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:02,430 out of his chest when he saw his sweet, sweet lady. 155 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:06,100 Oh, Ron, you are a big deal. 156 00:10:06,270 --> 00:10:09,270 Take me. Take me right now on this conference table. 157 00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:12,150 It's jazz. It's jazz, baby! 158 00:10:15,860 --> 00:10:19,030 - Ron, control yourself! - Not with the lights on! 159 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:20,990 Let's make a baby! 160 00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:23,330 This feels sexy! 161 00:10:24,870 --> 00:10:26,490 I am engorged! 162 00:10:27,290 --> 00:10:31,830 - He's like an unleashed animal, run! - Put it back in! 163 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:35,590 No, no, he didn't mean that! Take it out! 164 00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:41,010 But even in the midst of this supposed bliss, 165 00:10:41,180 --> 00:10:44,180 trouble can step forward and say, 166 00:10:44,350 --> 00:10:46,140 "Hey! Don't forget about me." 167 00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:50,560 - Look at this. - Yeah. 168 00:10:50,730 --> 00:10:54,980 00:10:57,570 We got enough bread to arm the people, feed the people, 170 00:10:57,740 --> 00:10:59,900 get people riotous in the streets. 171 00:11:00,070 --> 00:11:02,200 Know what we should do with this money? 172 00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:05,240 I think we should buy a big bag of grass. 173 00:11:05,410 --> 00:11:07,040 What about the revolution? 174 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:11,160 Our mission is clearly stated in the manifesto. 175 00:11:11,330 --> 00:11:15,960 - Where the hell is that manifesto, man? - I am writing the manifesto. 176 00:11:16,130 --> 00:11:19,090 I'm beginning to start to think you just here for the... 177 00:11:19,260 --> 00:11:21,220 You wanna know what our cause is? 178 00:11:21,380 --> 00:11:22,550 Yeah, we wanna know. 179 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:27,260 The group was at a crucial juncture. 180 00:11:27,430 --> 00:11:30,560 For months, Paul had put off writing the manifesto 181 00:11:30,730 --> 00:11:33,600 by smoking skunk-weed and jacking banks. 182 00:11:33,770 --> 00:11:36,400 But now it was time to state the message 183 00:11:36,570 --> 00:11:40,780 or lose his hold on this band of dropouts and outsiders. 184 00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:42,950 The TV! That's right! 185 00:11:43,110 --> 00:11:44,490 The TV! 186 00:11:46,030 --> 00:11:48,910 This... this propaganda box, 187 00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:51,330 if we don't control this propaganda box... 188 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:55,790 ...the man will always control our minds 189 00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:57,630 and the minds of the people. 190 00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,960 Just look at some of the lies they're telling. 191 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:05,470 Oh, hello. 192 00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:08,140 I'm beloved anchor Ron Burgundy. 193 00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:11,270 You know, lately I'm hearing all this talk about kids 194 00:12:11,430 --> 00:12:14,390 smoking pot, or marijuana, reefer. 195 00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:17,230 Hey, what's the deal with that? 196 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:21,150 What happened to just getting high on good old clean life? 197 00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:24,030 00:12:28,450 or sitting underneath a waterfall, enjoying a big glass of Scotch, 199 00:12:28,620 --> 00:12:32,330 or enjoying a pack of cigarettes on a hot summer day. 200 00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:34,460 What happened to those simple pleasures? 201 00:12:34,620 --> 00:12:37,330 Did they die with the dinosaurs and the tyrannus rex? 202 00:12:38,630 --> 00:12:40,840 In my book, they didn't. 203 00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:42,340 And there's only one book: 204 00:12:42,510 --> 00:12:44,380 That's the Bible. 205 00:12:44,550 --> 00:12:47,180 So give it a read when you got a chance. 206 00:12:47,340 --> 00:12:50,350 Hey, last time I checked, Bibles were in libraries. 207 00:12:51,390 --> 00:12:52,720 Hey, good night. 208 00:12:52,890 --> 00:12:55,190 The following has been a public service announcement... 209 00:12:55,350 --> 00:12:58,860 - Listen to this shit! - That Ron Burgundy is the devil. 210 00:12:59,020 --> 00:13:00,610 We gotta take back the airwaves! 211 00:13:00,770 --> 00:13:03,940 I'm telling you, Ron Burgundy, he don't know the hell that's awaitin' him. 212 00:13:04,820 --> 00:13:07,700 But he sure is handsome. 213 00:13:09,370 --> 00:13:10,370 Frame up two. 214 00:13:11,490 --> 00:13:13,290 Give me a tighter one on two. 215 00:13:13,450 --> 00:13:15,250 Good evening, I'm Ron Burgundy. 216 00:13:15,410 --> 00:13:18,170 Here's what's going on in your world, San Diego. 217 00:13:18,330 --> 00:13:22,380 The group of bank-robbing radicals who call themselves The Alarm Clock 218 00:13:22,550 --> 00:13:27,260 have struck yet again. Let's go to Brian Fantana who's live on the scene 219 00:13:27,430 --> 00:13:30,720 with a Channel 4 News exclusive. Brian? 220 00:13:30,890 --> 00:13:34,970 Police are baffled by this string of politically-motivated robberies. 221 00:13:35,140 --> 00:13:37,100 They have little evidence and few leads. 222 00:13:37,270 --> 00:13:40,810 - All they can do is sit and wait... - What is that stench?! 223 00:13:40,980 --> 00:13:43,690 Smells like a biker threw up on a pile of rotten shrimp. 224 00:13:43,860 --> 00:13:46,950 Hey, jag-off, why don't you keep it down? I'm on TV. 225 00:13:49,570 --> 00:13:51,030 Back to you, Ron. 226 00:13:51,910 --> 00:13:54,080 Which proves yet again that even a blind man 227 00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:56,160 and his pet Japanese devil owl 228 00:13:56,330 --> 00:13:59,420 can find true happiness in this world we live in. 229 00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:05,130 Let me take a moment here, 230 00:14:05,300 --> 00:14:07,300 just to collect... 231 00:14:10,260 --> 00:14:13,970 A story like that makes this job hard and great all at the same time. 232 00:14:18,100 --> 00:14:22,270 A lot of emotion right now. A lot of emotion. 233 00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:30,070 Well... that's gonna do it for all of us here at Channel 4 News... 234 00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:34,080 God, I'm still shook up. I'm still shook up. 235 00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:37,200 That's gonna do it for all of us here at Channel 4 News. 236 00:14:37,370 --> 00:14:40,920 I'm Ron Burgundy. You stay classy, San Diego. 237 00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:52,050 What's that? 238 00:14:53,470 --> 00:14:55,970 Just a little song I heard, made me think of a special lady 239 00:14:56,140 --> 00:14:58,470 that I happen to be driving with right now. 240 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:22,500 Ron, it's making me very nervous that you're not looking at the road. 241 00:15:22,670 --> 00:15:27,550 Don't worry. I know these streets like the back of my hand. 242 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:35,680 00:15:38,350 ...get killed! 244 00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:42,980 - It's really making me very nervous. - This is a Pontiac Catalina. 245 00:15:43,150 --> 00:15:45,440 It really handles well on the open road. 246 00:15:45,610 --> 00:15:47,770 00:15:53,280 Hold on. All right. 248 00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:57,490 You have captivating eyes, 249 00:15:57,660 --> 00:16:00,330 like a... like a unicorn or a princess. 250 00:16:02,710 --> 00:16:04,670 Has anyone ever told you that? 251 00:16:04,830 --> 00:16:08,170 No. Thank you. 252 00:16:08,340 --> 00:16:10,510 I've never crashed... 253 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:14,880 ...this month. And earlier last year... 254 00:16:15,050 --> 00:16:17,220 There's a Spanish family that's trying to cross the road... 255 00:16:17,390 --> 00:16:19,640 No, I know, the Rodriguez family. 256 00:16:21,980 --> 00:16:25,400 Do you like Thai food? You should look at that place over there. 257 00:16:28,770 --> 00:16:31,360 And if you're looking for a good supermarket, 258 00:16:33,070 --> 00:16:34,530 that place is not bad. 259 00:16:40,490 --> 00:16:41,990 Oh, my God. 260 00:16:44,500 --> 00:16:48,130 - How do you do that? - It's OK, we're almost there. 261 00:16:51,090 --> 00:16:53,300 Let me just parallel park here. 262 00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:09,020 There you have it. 263 00:17:12,780 --> 00:17:14,280 Oh, my. 264 00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:17,240 - What a beautiful view, 00:17:21,950 It always takes my breath away. 266 00:17:23,910 --> 00:17:25,910 Over there is the San Diego Observatory. 267 00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:29,040 It's on the highest point of the city. 268 00:17:29,210 --> 00:17:32,590 I've always had a dream of doing a broadcast from there. 269 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,960 Bouncing a telecast 270 00:17:35,130 --> 00:17:38,630 off the planets and the stars, through the 00:17:41,350 and onto Jupiter's arrow. 272 00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:47,440 Broadcasting... 273 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,900 ...with the gods, I like to call it. 274 00:17:50,060 --> 00:17:54,110 Reaching people for hundreds and millions of miles. 275 00:17:55,650 --> 00:17:57,530 So is this where Ron Burgundy goes 276 00:17:57,700 --> 00:18:00,990 when he's tired of being San Diego's number-one anchorman? 277 00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:03,830 You are a firecracker. 278 00:18:11,170 --> 00:18:13,130 How is everyone? Good to see you. 279 00:18:14,340 --> 00:18:18,130 So here it is. 00:18:22,050 - Like I said, it's not much... - Oh, no, to the contrary, 281 00:18:22,220 --> 00:18:25,220 - it's charming and colorful. - Good. 282 00:18:25,390 --> 00:18:26,520 - 00:18:30,390 Because of the story you did last year about delinquent landlords, 284 00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:33,730 - we had heat for Christmas. - That was October 11th, 285 00:18:33,900 --> 00:18:37,780 Tuesday night, I was wearing a red tie with white speckles... 286 00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:39,150 Are you Paula Tran? 287 00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:42,240 You are a national treasure, 00:18:45,700 Thank you. We'll try to get you air conditioning this summer. 289 00:18:47,540 --> 00:18:48,790 Take care. 290 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:50,710 This city really seems to love you. 291 00:18:50,870 --> 00:18:53,130 Well, it's like having one million children, 292 00:18:53,290 --> 00:18:55,340 seven percent of which are predominantly Asian. 293 00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:59,050 Meanwhile, as Ron and Veronica's romance blossomed, 294 00:18:59,220 --> 00:19:02,930 the team found themselves even more alone... 295 00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:04,550 ...and confused. 296 00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:11,060 I saw the funniest thing the other day. It was this balloon, 297 00:19:11,230 --> 00:19:13,560 and it was just popping around on this string. 298 00:19:13,730 --> 00:19:17,110 I would hit it with my hand, it would just keep popping back up. 299 00:19:18,820 --> 00:19:20,360 You guys would have loved it. 300 00:19:25,410 --> 00:19:27,240 Let's do something. I'm bored. 301 00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:30,370 Hey, I got an idea. 302 00:19:30,540 --> 00:19:33,000 Let's tear up the Channel 9 News teams' lawn, huh? 303 00:19:33,170 --> 00:19:36,130 Whammy? Huh? Whammy. 304 00:19:37,670 --> 00:19:39,630 Why the hell not? 305 00:19:53,940 --> 00:19:55,650 Hell's bells, not again! 306 00:19:56,480 --> 00:20:00,230 You sons of bitches! That's the fifth time this month! 307 00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:03,320 I'm getting tired of it. I was in Korea! 308 00:20:03,490 --> 00:20:04,950 I miss Ron. 309 00:20:10,290 --> 00:20:13,500 You know, I have an admission to make, 00:20:15,830 When we first met, I... I thought that you 311 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:20,300 were just like every other anchor. But... you're not. 312 00:20:22,130 --> 00:20:24,300 God, I was so tongue-tied that night. I... 313 00:20:25,470 --> 00:20:28,140 I kept wishing there was a TelePrompTer for life. 314 00:20:30,470 --> 00:20:32,480 It's ridiculous to think about now. 315 00:20:39,270 --> 00:20:41,030 What about you, Veronica? 316 00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:45,820 What are your hopes? What are your dreams? 317 00:20:45,990 --> 00:20:48,620 - What are your passions? - Well, 318 00:20:48,780 --> 00:20:53,040 believe it or not, we share the same dream. 319 00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:57,040 I, too, want to be a network anchor. 320 00:20:58,630 --> 00:21:02,170 Boy! And I'd like to be king of Australia. 321 00:21:02,340 --> 00:21:04,510 Seriously, you sound like an insane person. 322 00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:06,720 No, I'm very serious, 00:21:09,680 You see, I've always been 324 00:21:09,850 --> 00:21:13,600 cursed with a talent for pursuits usually dominated by men. 325 00:21:14,690 --> 00:21:17,100 When I was a little girl, instead of playing house, 326 00:21:17,270 --> 00:21:20,060 I would play drill sergeant or butcher. 327 00:21:21,820 --> 00:21:24,530 Later on in high school, instead of trying out for cheerleading, 328 00:21:24,700 --> 00:21:26,610 I was president of the bow-hunting club. 329 00:21:28,490 --> 00:21:32,280 One morning, I read the announcements over the PA, 330 00:21:33,540 --> 00:21:36,710 just the sound of my voice, 331 00:21:36,870 --> 00:21:41,090 so powerful, commanding all of those students, 332 00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:43,960 grabbing their attention, I just... 333 00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:47,470 I knew I had but one destiny, 334 00:21:47,630 --> 00:21:49,720 and that was to be the first female anchor. 335 00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:54,520 Yes, the road has been lonely, and... 336 00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:58,940 ...difficult... and lonely. 337 00:22:00,940 --> 00:22:03,150 You are electric. 338 00:22:07,780 --> 00:22:11,160 Now, Ron, friend to friend, 339 00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:13,950 sounds to me like you better just be careful. 340 00:22:14,120 --> 00:22:16,290 Just take some caution with this 'cause... 341 00:22:17,540 --> 00:22:20,370 ...you're really making a lot of us feel uneasy with this type of talk. 342 00:22:21,250 --> 00:22:25,960 Well, this morning, when I woke up, 343 00:22:26,130 --> 00:22:28,380 and I saw Veronica lying there next to me, 344 00:22:29,890 --> 00:22:32,510 for a split second, 345 00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:35,600 I actually cared about someone more than Ron Burgundy. 346 00:22:35,770 --> 00:22:38,560 That doesn't make any sense! 347 00:22:38,730 --> 00:22:41,350 You're you, she's a whole different person. 348 00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:44,480 You care about her? That's just crazy. 349 00:22:45,230 --> 00:22:48,860 Well, if love is a form of madness, then lock me up 350 00:22:49,030 --> 00:22:51,740 and throw away the key. 351 00:22:57,950 --> 00:22:59,330 Hey, gang! 352 00:23:00,750 --> 00:23:02,500 Papa's home! 353 00:23:03,500 --> 00:23:07,300 Oh, honey, I am so glad you're home. 354 00:23:08,050 --> 00:23:10,090 00:23:14,300 Gentlemen, you look great. 356 00:23:14,470 --> 00:23:15,760 No eye contact! 357 00:23:20,270 --> 00:23:22,940 Oh, darling, oh! 358 00:23:23,110 --> 00:23:27,320 I've spent all day cleaning your Emmys and preparing dinner in the nude. 359 00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:29,280 Oh, let's make whoopee. 360 00:23:31,490 --> 00:23:33,450 You are a bad boy! 361 00:23:33,620 --> 00:23:35,950 I'm bad! I need to go to the principal's office. 362 00:23:36,120 --> 00:23:37,450 I love my life! 363 00:23:38,370 --> 00:23:40,250 You take that back right now, Ron. 364 00:23:41,210 --> 00:23:43,830 Or you tell me right now that you're under some kind of spell 365 00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:46,090 or witchcraft or got bit by a horrible bug. 366 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:49,170 - That's crazy! - So where is Veronma... 367 00:23:49,340 --> 00:23:53,550 - Veronamaca now? - She's off to go do her first story, 368 00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:55,550 The Feline Fashion Show. 369 00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:58,810 I hope she can handle it. This is big time. 370 00:23:58,970 --> 00:24:03,390 Oh, next we have a popular favorite, the bride and the pirate. 371 00:24:04,150 --> 00:24:07,860 Yes, it's time for a pirate wedding, enacted by cats. 372 00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:14,200 And now here's Felinus 00:24:18,080 All right, let's just do my sign-off and get out of here. 374 00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:22,160 Hello, my name is Paul. This is so cool, what you do. 375 00:24:22,330 --> 00:24:25,210 00:24:28,170 I'm about to broadcast, so if you'll excuse me, please. 377 00:24:28,340 --> 00:24:30,380 I noticed cables. They go into your van. 378 00:24:30,550 --> 00:24:32,720 I almost tripped and broke my leg. 379 00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:35,590 If anybody gets a van like that, can they broadcast news? 380 00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:37,510 We're about to go live in 20 seconds. 381 00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:40,060 - You're gonna have to move. - Hey, I can dig it. 382 00:24:40,220 --> 00:24:43,350 You've gotta let the truth ring out, wake up all the squares 383 00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:46,060 in this city of lies. How about that Orange Julius? 384 00:24:46,230 --> 00:24:48,230 Get the hell away from me before I kick you! 385 00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:50,820 And we're on in three... 386 00:24:52,110 --> 00:24:54,610 It was quite a show down here at the Pet Shack. 387 00:24:54,780 --> 00:24:59,280 And just for today, fashion curiosity did not kill the cat. 388 00:24:59,450 --> 00:25:01,990 It made him look "purr-fect". 389 00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:05,250 From the Pet Shack in Fulton, I'm Veronica Corningstone 390 00:25:05,420 --> 00:25:06,710 for Channel 4 News. 391 00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:10,750 Nice story. That, of course, was Veronica Corningstone. 392 00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:14,760 I'd also like to share with you that currently we are dating. 393 00:25:14,930 --> 00:25:17,840 I have to tell you, she's a creative partner in the bedroom. 394 00:25:18,010 --> 00:25:20,180 She did this one thing on Tuesday night 395 00:25:20,350 --> 00:25:23,220 that involved a Hula-Hoop and a lasso 396 00:25:23,390 --> 00:25:25,560 - and an ice-cream scooper. - Ron! 397 00:25:25,730 --> 00:25:29,020 What? Well, that's going to do it for all of us here at 6:00. 398 00:25:29,190 --> 00:25:31,940 For the Channel 4 News team, I'm Ron Burgundy. 399 00:25:32,110 --> 00:25:33,860 You stay classy, San Diego. 400 00:25:34,030 --> 00:25:37,780 Oh, that's good. That's just good. 401 00:25:37,950 --> 00:25:39,950 You're not eating your food. 402 00:25:40,120 --> 00:25:42,280 Oh, you stupid, stupid man! 403 00:25:42,450 --> 00:25:45,120 I can't believe that you said that we were dating on the air, Ron! 404 00:25:45,290 --> 00:25:49,290 - I thought you would like it! - Don't you get it, Ron? 405 00:25:50,130 --> 00:25:53,710 Well, I doubt anyone heard it. I said it very fast. 406 00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:56,470 - I think people... - Hey, you two. 407 00:25:56,630 --> 00:25:59,470 - Congrats on getting it on. - Thank you, it is remarkable. 408 00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:01,800 Yeah. I bet you're both great in the sack. 409 00:26:01,970 --> 00:26:04,640 Let's just say we get the job done. 410 00:26:04,810 --> 00:26:07,600 This little lady here, she knows how to handle herself. 411 00:26:07,770 --> 00:26:09,600 - Yeah. - OK. 412 00:26:09,770 --> 00:26:13,440 - Are you both athletic? - You know, I have a bad back. 413 00:26:13,610 --> 00:26:15,900 Bad lower back, so I have to watch out for that. 414 00:26:16,070 --> 00:26:18,610 Other than that, I will do some things in the bedroom 415 00:26:18,780 --> 00:26:21,030 - that'll blow your mind. - Ron! 416 00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:24,240 Yeah, hey, enjoy your meal. 417 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:27,620 That was very nice. 418 00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:34,090 I'm sorry, Veronica. I... I truly am! 419 00:26:34,250 --> 00:26:37,970 I don't know what to say. I just... I got excited. 420 00:26:39,300 --> 00:26:41,340 Look, I report the news, that's what I do. 421 00:26:41,510 --> 00:26:44,390 And today's top story 422 00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:48,020 in Ron Burgundy's world read something like this: 423 00:26:48,180 --> 00:26:50,640 "I love Veronica Corningstone." 424 00:26:54,900 --> 00:26:56,690 Oh, Ron! 425 00:26:58,070 --> 00:27:00,400 Are you two about to get it on? 426 00:27:00,570 --> 00:27:02,610 Oh, no, no. Not right now, maybe later. 427 00:27:02,780 --> 00:27:05,990 - OK, stop answering him. - I'm just trying to be polite. 428 00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:11,580 'Cause getting it on's a beautiful thing, you know. Hi, hi! 429 00:27:11,750 --> 00:27:15,840 Geoff Grendon. I didn't introduce myself. Geoff. E-O-double F. 430 00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:18,840 - Geoff Grendon. - If you all need photos. 431 00:27:19,010 --> 00:27:21,680 - If you need wedding photography. - Great. 432 00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:23,510 Or boudoir photography. 433 00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:26,470 I'd love to write that down. I don't have a pen... 434 00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:29,100 - You're being inappropriate. - Yeah, hey... 435 00:27:29,930 --> 00:27:31,520 Do y'all need more cheese? I can... 436 00:27:31,690 --> 00:27:35,270 Honey, can I have your napkin to write down Geoff's name? 437 00:27:35,440 --> 00:27:37,400 - G-E-O-F-F... - G... 438 00:27:37,570 --> 00:27:39,940 - G-E-O-F-F, Grendon. - Grendon. 439 00:27:40,780 --> 00:27:44,280 Well, I understand, 00:27:47,410 and I would prefer if you didn't refer to him as "a dirty little animal". 441 00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:50,080 Well, OK, if that makes you feel happy. 442 00:27:50,250 --> 00:27:53,080 But let me say I really feel that Chris is at a point 443 00:27:53,250 --> 00:27:56,420 that he's ready to turn everything around. 444 00:27:56,590 --> 00:27:57,750 What's that? 445 00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:01,090 You don't? Well, fair enough. But let me just say... 446 00:28:02,380 --> 00:28:03,550 Let me just... 447 00:28:04,590 --> 00:28:06,760 Let me... OK. 448 00:28:06,930 --> 00:28:09,600 All right, well, thanks for listening to my side of it anyway, sir. 449 00:28:09,770 --> 00:28:11,600 You have a nice day. Goodbye. 450 00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:15,270 I could come back later, 00:28:17,650 No, no, it's just parent stuff. 452 00:28:18,610 --> 00:28:21,400 It seems that our youngest, Chris, 453 00:28:21,570 --> 00:28:24,200 was joyriding with a sheet of acid and a spear gun. 454 00:28:24,360 --> 00:28:27,370 Anywho, what can I do you for? 455 00:28:27,530 --> 00:28:29,740 I wanna investigate The Alarm Clock. 456 00:28:29,910 --> 00:28:33,960 A source of mine at the FBI says that they are planning a citywide disruption. 457 00:28:34,120 --> 00:28:37,460 Take a shot at the meat loaf story, and we'll see how that goes. 458 00:28:37,630 --> 00:28:39,380 Well, what if I refuse? 459 00:28:39,550 --> 00:28:42,340 Well, then you'll probably be fired. 460 00:28:42,510 --> 00:28:44,510 Garth, let me handle this. 461 00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:46,930 I'd probably have to fire you, sweet-pants. 462 00:28:47,100 --> 00:28:51,640 Well, then I would sue you, sir, for sexual harassment. 463 00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:55,270 I like the sound of that. 464 00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:58,690 Sexual her-ass-ment. 465 00:28:59,360 --> 00:29:02,820 Oh, 00:29:05,780 "You have a lot to learn about a professional work environment." 467 00:29:05,950 --> 00:29:07,910 That is very immature and counterproductive. 468 00:29:08,070 --> 00:29:10,620 "That is very immature and counterproductive." 469 00:29:10,790 --> 00:29:12,910 - Stop it. Stop it! - "Stop it. Stop it." 470 00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:14,200 - Stop it! - "Stop it." 471 00:29:14,370 --> 00:29:17,000 Nobody has done that to me since I was in the sixth grade. 472 00:29:17,170 --> 00:29:19,840 "No one has done that to me since I was in the sixth grade." 473 00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:21,840 Screw you, Harken! 474 00:29:22,010 --> 00:29:23,800 Wait, are you coming on to me? 475 00:29:23,970 --> 00:29:27,430 Because if you are, I am interested! 476 00:29:27,590 --> 00:29:30,970 Veronica was doing extremely well as Ron's co-anchor, 477 00:29:31,140 --> 00:29:33,470 some would even say too well. 478 00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:37,270 Veronica continued to win awards and garner praise. 479 00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:40,230 Ron's ego finally gave. 480 00:29:41,860 --> 00:29:45,860 He would love Veronica, he would even share a news desk with her, 481 00:29:46,030 --> 00:29:48,700 but he would not be outshone by her. 482 00:29:48,870 --> 00:29:51,160 She's got to be stopped. 483 00:29:51,330 --> 00:29:54,540 - This has gone too far. - I will not be a co-anchor. 484 00:29:54,700 --> 00:29:56,710 Ron Burgundy is a lead anchor. 485 00:29:56,870 --> 00:30:00,750 - She's writing her own stories. - Her own stories, Ron. 486 00:30:02,380 --> 00:30:05,210 Not to mention what this is doing to your chances of going to network. 487 00:30:06,970 --> 00:30:11,260 It's good to have you back. That female messed with your head big-time. 488 00:30:11,430 --> 00:30:13,970 - I like Ron. - Thank you, Brick. 489 00:30:15,180 --> 00:30:18,980 Remember that fairy that was supposed to do financial reports? 490 00:30:19,150 --> 00:30:21,980 Oh, yeah, we were 51 percent sure he was gay. 491 00:30:22,150 --> 00:30:25,940 He was gay, all right. I made out with him at the Christmas party. 492 00:30:26,740 --> 00:30:29,200 - What? - Nothing. 493 00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:32,070 I say we run Corningstone out like we did that girlie-boy. 494 00:30:32,240 --> 00:30:33,620 Well, I'm in. 495 00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:38,290 So, it's settled. We declare war on Corningstone. 496 00:30:39,290 --> 00:30:41,630 By the way, Brick, what is that you're eating? 497 00:30:41,790 --> 00:30:44,750 Oh, it's one of those 498 00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:48,840 delicious falafel hot dogs with cinnamon and bacon on top. 499 00:30:49,010 --> 00:30:52,470 What do you mean "one of those"? Those don't exist. 500 00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:55,680 That's a used coffee filter with cigarette butts on it. 501 00:30:57,810 --> 00:31:01,440 Well, I got it out of the food basket at the end of the lunch line. 502 00:31:03,570 --> 00:31:05,070 That's the garbage can. 503 00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:12,360 Although with the cooking at this place, there's not much difference. Whammy. 504 00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:21,870 Oh, that is true. I didn't see that coming. 505 00:31:22,750 --> 00:31:25,960 An astute observation has led to laughter. 506 00:31:27,300 --> 00:31:29,720 We are laughing. 507 00:31:36,890 --> 00:31:40,640 And it is continuing, and then slowing down a little, 508 00:31:40,810 --> 00:31:44,520 - but there's still a good spirit... - Yeah, we got it, Ron. 509 00:31:44,690 --> 00:31:47,150 It's getting less. There's a little chuckle, 510 00:31:47,820 --> 00:31:49,940 and it's done. 511 00:31:50,110 --> 00:31:52,110 You really wreck moments when you do that, Ron. 512 00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:57,910 Brick, please. You're really gonna get sick. 513 00:32:00,580 --> 00:32:04,120 The Coast Guard was unavailable for comment. 514 00:32:04,290 --> 00:32:07,920 - Veronica? - A North Oregon man has come forward 515 00:32:08,090 --> 00:32:10,210 with an antique sword he found in his basement. 516 00:32:10,380 --> 00:32:13,590 The sword itself belonged to Christopher Columbus and may be worth $200, 000. 517 00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:17,300 The man said he would keep his job as a car wash attendant. Ron? 518 00:32:22,270 --> 00:32:25,350 The... San Diego Padres 519 00:32:26,060 --> 00:32:28,400 flew to Cincinnati. 520 00:32:30,230 --> 00:32:31,570 Veronica Corningstone. 521 00:32:31,740 --> 00:32:34,820 - Is this Veronica Corningstone? - Yes, it is. 522 00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:39,080 Did you order... ten pizzas? 523 00:32:39,870 --> 00:32:41,910 - No, I did not. - Well... 524 00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:45,750 ...you got nice boobies. 525 00:32:46,580 --> 00:32:47,830 Excuse me? 526 00:32:51,260 --> 00:32:52,380 This is pathetic, Ron. 527 00:32:54,510 --> 00:32:55,800 What are you doing, Ron? 528 00:33:02,730 --> 00:33:04,230 She can see us. 529 00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:09,150 Damn these blinds, I never figured them out. 530 00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:14,240 Lasers are becoming more and more a part of our daily lives. 531 00:33:14,990 --> 00:33:17,410 And now here's Champ Kind with sports. 532 00:33:17,570 --> 00:33:20,200 Boy, you seem kind of weird tonight, honey. 533 00:33:20,370 --> 00:33:23,830 It must be that time of the month. Whammy! 534 00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:26,920 Padres looking at a double header today... 535 00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:29,210 I'm just curious, Champ, do you even know 536 00:33:29,380 --> 00:33:32,250 what the expression "that time of the month" means? 537 00:33:34,670 --> 00:33:35,720 Sure, I do. 538 00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:40,180 It's when the bones in a lady... 539 00:33:41,430 --> 00:33:43,100 ...lady's boobs, they get sore. 540 00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:52,320 Because of the... the vaginalistic cells are... expanding. 541 00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:55,940 Whammy. Help. 542 00:33:58,280 --> 00:33:59,660 I'll tell you... 543 00:33:59,820 --> 00:34:03,030 You girls, you talk about it a lot and you... 544 00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:05,620 I know this, I know... I know... 545 00:34:06,790 --> 00:34:08,870 It's your little friend, 546 00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:11,330 and then, you gotta wear... 547 00:34:12,300 --> 00:34:13,300 ...protection. 548 00:34:14,510 --> 00:34:19,510 And then, the belly button is inflamed and... 549 00:34:21,930 --> 00:34:23,970 And then engorging of the... 550 00:34:25,810 --> 00:34:29,640 - ...fah-la-cule. Yeah. - "Fallacule". 551 00:34:29,810 --> 00:34:31,230 You might wanna write that down, honey. 552 00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:33,650 - Oh, I am. - Little lesson tonight. 553 00:34:33,820 --> 00:34:36,530 You didn't know you were dealing with the science desk, probably there. 554 00:34:37,990 --> 00:34:42,740 And then... nine months later is the miracle of life. Whammy, huh? 555 00:34:45,750 --> 00:34:47,450 Thank... thank you, Champ. 556 00:34:47,620 --> 00:34:50,000 That will do it for sports. Back to you, Ron. 557 00:34:50,170 --> 00:34:54,670 Well, that was Champ Kind with a very informative sports report. 558 00:34:54,840 --> 00:34:56,630 OK, it's ringing, it's ringing. 559 00:34:56,800 --> 00:34:59,760 - It's ringing. - Here she comes, here she comes. 560 00:34:59,930 --> 00:35:01,380 - Pick it up. - Pick it up! 561 00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:04,850 Veronica Cor... 562 00:35:09,020 --> 00:35:10,060 Hello, Veronica. 563 00:35:13,270 --> 00:35:15,190 Oh, Ron! 564 00:35:19,700 --> 00:35:22,860 Really stupid, boys! Really stupid! 565 00:35:24,490 --> 00:35:25,950 Oh, you got her. 566 00:35:36,670 --> 00:35:39,300 Everybody, get down, this is a robbery! 567 00:35:41,550 --> 00:35:43,890 We are The Alarm Clock! 568 00:35:44,050 --> 00:35:45,970 It's time to let the truth ring out 569 00:35:46,140 --> 00:35:48,350 and wake up all the squares 570 00:35:48,520 --> 00:35:51,140 in this city of lies! 571 00:35:52,140 --> 00:35:55,190 We got guns. Now fill this sack with cash! 572 00:35:57,530 --> 00:35:58,690 What do your masks mean? 573 00:35:58,860 --> 00:36:00,690 Just fill the sack with cash! 574 00:36:01,700 --> 00:36:03,990 Just what point are you trying to make? 575 00:36:04,160 --> 00:36:07,120 - Do you not like Lincoln? - Yeah, of course we like Lincoln. 576 00:36:07,290 --> 00:36:10,750 - He freed the slaves. - So you like Lincoln and... 577 00:36:10,910 --> 00:36:14,790 ...Nixon and... werewolves? 578 00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:17,460 - What? - I mean, Nixon, whatever. 579 00:36:17,630 --> 00:36:19,840 He's kind of a creep, but werewolves? 580 00:36:20,010 --> 00:36:23,760 Werewolves are the walking undead. They're bloodthirsty killers. 581 00:36:23,930 --> 00:36:26,890 - Who likes werewolves? - We don't like werewolves! 582 00:36:27,050 --> 00:36:29,850 - We hate werewolves! - You've got a werewolf mask on... 583 00:36:30,020 --> 00:36:33,100 - I can see that. - Are you bloodthirsty killers? 584 00:36:33,270 --> 00:36:36,270 No, we are not bloodthirsty killers. We're pacifists! 585 00:36:37,150 --> 00:36:39,770 Not a smart thing to tell somebody when you're robbing them, 586 00:36:39,940 --> 00:36:42,110 OK, that you're a pacifist, 'cause now I know you're not gonna kill me. 587 00:36:42,280 --> 00:36:44,280 - Somebody shut her up! - No, listen. 588 00:36:44,450 --> 00:36:48,410 You've got it all wrong, OK? They're just to cover our faces. 589 00:36:48,580 --> 00:36:50,290 I'm not gonna give you money, you didn't deserve it. 590 00:36:50,450 --> 00:36:52,450 You say you're a political group? 591 00:36:52,620 --> 00:36:55,000 You come in here with a Nixon mask, 592 00:36:55,170 --> 00:36:58,130 and a werewolf mask and a Lincoln mask, I'm gonna make connections. 593 00:36:58,790 --> 00:37:02,340 So, what's your statement? And this guy's not even wearing a mask! 594 00:37:03,220 --> 00:37:07,760 - 'Cause I don't give a shit. - That's scary to me. That works. 595 00:37:07,930 --> 00:37:09,720 I will give that gentleman a little bit of money. 596 00:37:09,890 --> 00:37:11,390 But the rest of you, beat it! 597 00:37:11,560 --> 00:37:13,390 What's going on? Get the money! 598 00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:16,560 Hey, listen. Our commitment is to truth, 599 00:37:16,730 --> 00:37:19,900 not consistency. Now fill the sack with cash! 600 00:37:20,070 --> 00:37:23,070 Fine, your commitment is to truth? Here's some truth. 601 00:37:23,240 --> 00:37:25,150 The Alarm Clock is a ridiculous name. 602 00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:27,860 - It's not scary. - 00:37:30,410 - Let's shoot her! - Excuse me, sir, 604 00:37:30,580 --> 00:37:32,790 - could you lower your voice? - Oh, hell no. 605 00:37:32,950 --> 00:37:37,120 Now you're calling me sir? I am a ma'am, ma'am. 606 00:37:37,290 --> 00:37:40,210 I'm sorry, I didn't know what sex the werewolf was. 607 00:37:40,380 --> 00:37:43,210 How many werewolves do you see around here wearing a skirt 608 00:37:43,380 --> 00:37:45,090 and a gun? None! 609 00:37:45,260 --> 00:37:48,590 Know what? Get out of here, you dicks! You're a bunch of dicks! 610 00:37:48,760 --> 00:37:51,220 I told you we should've worn stocking masks. 611 00:37:52,180 --> 00:37:53,520 All right, let's get out of here! 612 00:37:54,520 --> 00:37:56,020 All right, let's go. Come on. 613 00:37:56,190 --> 00:37:58,480 A pleasure doing business with you. 614 00:37:58,650 --> 00:38:01,190 I'm coming back for you. You got a bad attitude. 615 00:38:01,360 --> 00:38:05,940 - You've got a bad attitude, sir. - You... you're a jerk. 616 00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:11,490 I'm sick of this. I'm gonna move to Tahoe. 617 00:38:11,660 --> 00:38:13,910 No! I mean, be cool, baby. 618 00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:16,370 We're gonna get our message on TV, I promise. 619 00:38:17,620 --> 00:38:19,540 I would like the next person in line, please. 620 00:38:19,710 --> 00:38:21,920 Everybody, get down! 621 00:38:23,670 --> 00:38:27,050 We are The Alarm Clock, it's time to let the truth ring out 622 00:38:27,220 --> 00:38:30,340 and wake up all the squares in this city of lies. 623 00:38:30,510 --> 00:38:32,850 We got guns. Now fill this sack with cash! 624 00:38:33,010 --> 00:38:34,810 Turn it off. 625 00:38:36,310 --> 00:38:39,890 This was their sloppiest robbery yet, which could mean they're desperate. 626 00:38:40,060 --> 00:38:41,690 - How new is this? - Forget it. 627 00:38:41,860 --> 00:38:43,860 Channel 9 aired it as an exclusive. 628 00:38:44,030 --> 00:38:46,230 - Aw, man nipple! - " 00:38:48,950 - Is that a curse word? - I'm pretty sure it is. 630 00:38:49,110 --> 00:38:52,280 It's too bad, Ed. We could've used a scoop like this. 631 00:38:54,950 --> 00:38:58,710 "Wake up all the squares in this city of lies." 632 00:38:59,830 --> 00:39:01,920 God, I've heard that somewhere before. 633 00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:04,920 Really? Doesn't ring a bell to me. 634 00:39:07,470 --> 00:39:10,260 Donna? Donna? 635 00:39:11,050 --> 00:39:12,590 Donna? 636 00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:14,930 - I'm sorry. You OK? - Yes. 637 00:39:15,100 --> 00:39:19,390 Donna, I need the unedited tape of the cat fashion show I did a while back. 638 00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:20,890 - Do you have that? - Sure. 639 00:39:21,060 --> 00:39:22,520 Oh, wonderful. 640 00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:26,520 - Here we go. - Oh, good, thank you. 641 00:39:26,690 --> 00:39:28,650 Can I say I think you're fantastic? 642 00:39:29,950 --> 00:39:32,570 I see you, and you're just going. 643 00:39:32,740 --> 00:39:36,830 And you're a girl. It just makes me want to yell, "Keep going, girl!" 644 00:39:37,830 --> 00:39:41,620 - Or, "You go, girl!" - Keep working on that. 645 00:39:41,790 --> 00:39:44,670 "Keep it up, lady." I don't know. 646 00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:47,340 - That's probably silly. - Are we done here? 647 00:39:47,510 --> 00:39:49,880 - Oh, yeah. - Good. Thank you, Donna, 648 00:39:50,050 --> 00:39:52,930 - very much. - And you're pretty. 649 00:39:53,090 --> 00:39:54,590 And I'm bisexual. 650 00:39:56,060 --> 00:39:57,720 I'm having a fondue party... 651 00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:00,480 ...in my pants. 652 00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:03,270 - You have to move off-camera. - I can dig it. 653 00:40:03,440 --> 00:40:06,190 Let the truth ring out, wake up all the squares 654 00:40:06,360 --> 00:40:08,400 in this city of lies. 655 00:40:12,150 --> 00:40:14,160 Garth, put Harken on the phone right now. 656 00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:16,620 He's gonna wanna hear this. 657 00:40:18,490 --> 00:40:20,500 Sons of bitches. 658 00:40:23,750 --> 00:40:27,500 Ed? Can you spell "award"? 659 00:40:29,130 --> 00:40:30,840 You can't? 660 00:40:31,010 --> 00:40:34,510 You're watching Channel 4 News with Ron Burgundy, 661 00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:39,510 and introducing our new lead anchor, Veronica Corningstone. 662 00:40:39,680 --> 00:40:43,430 It's Channel 4 News at 6:00. 663 00:40:44,190 --> 00:40:47,110 - I'm Ron Burgundy. - And I'm Veronica Corningstone. 664 00:40:47,270 --> 00:40:51,110 Tonight's top story. A chemical spill outside of Temecula 665 00:40:51,280 --> 00:40:54,450 has closed down all lanes of Interstate 15. 666 00:40:54,610 --> 00:40:59,280 CHP has evacuated the area and has reported that there are no injuries. 667 00:40:59,450 --> 00:41:03,200 Local officials are concerned about the long-term environmental effects 668 00:41:03,370 --> 00:41:05,500 and are looking where to place the blame. 669 00:41:05,670 --> 00:41:06,710 That's nice, Billy. 670 00:41:06,880 --> 00:41:09,630 I've witnessed train wrecks that weren't this ugly. 671 00:41:10,380 --> 00:41:13,380 In other news today, if you're planning on taking the city bus, 672 00:41:13,550 --> 00:41:15,180 it's gonna cost you extra. 673 00:41:15,340 --> 00:41:20,390 City officials have raised bus fares from 25 cents a ride to 35 cents, 674 00:41:20,560 --> 00:41:22,970 so you're gonna have to dig a little deeper. 675 00:41:24,230 --> 00:41:25,390 Fine! 676 00:41:26,850 --> 00:41:29,360 I know this has been hard for you, Ron. 677 00:41:29,520 --> 00:41:32,230 I'm not gonna lie to you, Ed, it's been a bear. 678 00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:34,740 - You aren't crying, are you? - Nope. 679 00:41:34,900 --> 00:41:36,610 I wouldn't think any less of you if you did. 680 00:41:36,780 --> 00:41:38,410 - I'm not gonna cry. - All right. 681 00:41:38,570 --> 00:41:42,790 If it's any consolation, this girl is good. She is damn good. 682 00:41:42,950 --> 00:41:44,580 - She is a dynamic anchor. - Yeah. 683 00:41:44,750 --> 00:41:47,290 She is a hell of a journalist in the field. 684 00:41:47,460 --> 00:41:49,750 - I know you don't wanna hear it. - I get it. 685 00:41:49,920 --> 00:41:52,590 Look, I think it's time that I get out on the streets 686 00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:55,550 and do some real hard-hitting journalism, you know? 687 00:41:55,720 --> 00:41:58,090 I wanna... I wanna... 688 00:41:58,260 --> 00:42:01,550 I've really been pondering, and I think I'd make a hell of a reporter. 689 00:42:01,720 --> 00:42:05,270 Oh, boy, Ron, I think that is a bad idea. 690 00:42:05,430 --> 00:42:07,640 You don't do well without a TelePrompTer. 691 00:42:07,810 --> 00:42:09,940 Well, that's just a rumor, OK? 692 00:42:10,110 --> 00:42:12,940 Now, look, let me put together a weekly feature 693 00:42:13,110 --> 00:42:15,940 where I rip the lid off of some big story. 694 00:42:18,490 --> 00:42:20,910 Hey, Harken, nice suspenders, dick. 695 00:42:23,240 --> 00:42:26,200 - What was that all about? - That's my son. 696 00:42:27,410 --> 00:42:30,170 Look, Ron, people seem to like you. I'm not sure why. 697 00:42:30,330 --> 00:42:33,460 Tell you what, I'll put you in the field if that's what you want. 698 00:42:33,630 --> 00:42:35,710 - Great. - You've got to do this right. 699 00:42:35,880 --> 00:42:38,170 I mean, follow leads, confirm sources. 700 00:42:38,340 --> 00:42:41,010 I am talking real journalism, my friend. 701 00:42:41,180 --> 00:42:44,560 Great. Right on. Now, what's a lead? 702 00:42:45,560 --> 00:42:48,020 Well, Ron, a lead is when you find information 703 00:42:48,190 --> 00:42:51,270 that leads you to larger stories. 704 00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:54,070 - You know what a source is. - Easy. Yes. 705 00:42:54,230 --> 00:42:55,820 No, I lied, I don't know. 706 00:42:55,990 --> 00:42:59,150 Well, a... Oh, jeez. Why don't you just watch Corningstone? 707 00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:01,570 - She has a handle on what's going on. - OK. 708 00:43:01,740 --> 00:43:05,740 She's on the phone, viewing tapes. She's probably got dozens ofjuicy leads. 709 00:43:05,910 --> 00:43:08,910 - I'll watch her like a hawk. - You do that. I have confidence. 710 00:43:09,080 --> 00:43:11,790 - I'm gonna go grab some steam. - Great. 711 00:43:13,210 --> 00:43:15,960 Ron, I'm gonna go grab some steam. See you back at the office. 712 00:43:16,130 --> 00:43:18,090 I'll see you, Ed. I won't let you down. 713 00:43:19,170 --> 00:43:20,510 Helen? 714 00:43:21,390 --> 00:43:23,680 Helen, has anyone been at my desk? 715 00:43:23,850 --> 00:43:26,350 I am missing some very important papers that I need 716 00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:29,020 - for a story I'm working on. - Yes, Ron came by. 717 00:43:29,180 --> 00:43:31,270 He said there were naked pictures of him. 718 00:43:31,440 --> 00:43:33,690 He wanted to get them back from you, so... 719 00:43:33,860 --> 00:43:36,690 What? He did what? 720 00:43:36,860 --> 00:43:38,820 Oh, that... man! 721 00:43:38,990 --> 00:43:43,780 I hope that crazy gypsies castrate him and feed it to the dogs! 722 00:43:51,830 --> 00:43:53,710 00:43:56,710 Yes, of course. You have such passion. 724 00:43:59,170 --> 00:44:01,760 All right, team, I've got a hot lead right here. 725 00:44:01,930 --> 00:44:03,180 Really? Where'd you get it? 726 00:44:04,010 --> 00:44:06,550 - Stole it from Corningstone. - Oh, cool, what is it? 727 00:44:06,720 --> 00:44:09,180 It says, "Paul Hauser, a tropical fish clerk at Pet Shack, 728 00:44:09,350 --> 00:44:12,270 is head of the political group known as The Alarm Clock." 729 00:44:12,440 --> 00:44:15,860 Has his home address and everything. Oh, my golly. This is great. 730 00:44:16,020 --> 00:44:20,610 Wow. This is a big story. You could win the Wurlitzer for this. 731 00:44:20,780 --> 00:44:22,200 Hey, look, a camera. 732 00:44:22,360 --> 00:44:25,490 If I win the Wurlitzer, you guys are coming to the dinner. 733 00:44:25,660 --> 00:44:29,410 - What do you say we do it, gang? - Sweet sugar brown. 734 00:44:29,580 --> 00:44:33,160 Step on it, Brian. We're about to rip the lid off of this thing. 735 00:44:47,680 --> 00:44:50,810 I'm Ron Burgundy, San Diego, and it's time to rip the lid off of it! 736 00:44:51,680 --> 00:44:55,190 I'm Ron Burgundy, reporting to you from the mean streets of San Diego. 737 00:44:55,350 --> 00:44:58,560 So mean, in fact, I feel frightened for my life. 738 00:44:58,730 --> 00:45:00,780 Guess what, citizens? A political radical 739 00:45:00,940 --> 00:45:04,650 eluding authorities for months is living here, among you. 740 00:45:04,820 --> 00:45:07,570 But I'm now going to... rip the lid off of it! 741 00:45:08,580 --> 00:45:10,950 Let's go. Hurry up. 742 00:45:11,120 --> 00:45:13,620 Be swift! Be swift! 743 00:45:13,790 --> 00:45:15,460 Stay close, guys. 744 00:45:17,670 --> 00:45:19,380 Let's go, guys, stay sharp. 745 00:45:20,670 --> 00:45:24,050 Well, if it isn't 00:45:25,550 - What? - You heard what I said. 747 00:45:25,720 --> 00:45:27,430 You are the devil incarnate. 748 00:45:27,590 --> 00:45:32,270 What is that, a devil sandwich made of lies and hubris? 749 00:45:32,430 --> 00:45:34,430 I think you must have the wrong house. 750 00:45:34,600 --> 00:45:38,440 - Do I have the wrong house? - Yeah, Hauser lives across the street. 751 00:45:38,610 --> 00:45:42,570 Oh, that's a deceptive ploy, isn't it? I ought to knock you in the hip. 752 00:45:42,730 --> 00:45:44,440 00:45:47,570 Why don't you shut your mouth, you filthy piece of trash? 754 00:45:47,740 --> 00:45:49,530 You should go back to prison where every pervert 755 00:45:49,700 --> 00:45:51,280 can pass you around for cigarettes. 756 00:45:51,450 --> 00:45:54,160 I don't understand. What's happening? 757 00:45:54,330 --> 00:45:57,290 Would you like to tell the fine people of San Diego what you've been up to. 758 00:45:57,460 --> 00:45:59,290 Lies, corruption, deceit. 759 00:45:59,460 --> 00:46:01,340 - Thuggery, buffoonery. - 00:46:03,550 I don't like the way you're looking at me. 761 00:46:03,710 --> 00:46:06,590 You should avert your gaze, because you are a low-life scum 762 00:46:06,760 --> 00:46:09,430 who doesn't pay taxes and is a Communist. 763 00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:11,510 No, not I. 764 00:46:11,680 --> 00:46:15,220 What would you say if I boxed you in the ears for San Diego? 765 00:46:15,390 --> 00:46:17,270 This ring right here that says RB. 766 00:46:17,440 --> 00:46:20,730 I'd knock and break both... the pair of spectacles you have on. 767 00:46:20,900 --> 00:46:24,360 I got problems with my ears. I don't need any more. 768 00:46:24,530 --> 00:46:27,240 I'll give you more problems. I'll give you problems in your kidneys. 769 00:46:27,400 --> 00:46:30,360 I'm gonna batter your kidneys. Champ, hold on to the microphone. 770 00:46:30,530 --> 00:46:32,240 - I'm going to town. - Ron? 771 00:46:32,410 --> 00:46:34,740 - This is gonna be good. - Ron, he's right. 772 00:46:34,910 --> 00:46:37,870 The mailbox says Caltran. We've got the wrong house. 773 00:46:39,540 --> 00:46:42,250 00:46:45,250 We make mistakes, that's OK. That's what happens in the news biz. 775 00:46:45,420 --> 00:46:48,380 All right, let's try over here. Stay focused, guys. 776 00:46:48,550 --> 00:46:50,840 Stay focused, pick up the pace! 777 00:46:51,010 --> 00:46:55,520 On behalf of Channel 4 News and the Rip the Lid Off of It gang, 778 00:46:55,680 --> 00:46:59,730 I'd like to say thank you for letting us interview you on such short notice. 779 00:46:59,900 --> 00:47:01,850 I don't know why you guys wanna talk to me. 780 00:47:02,020 --> 00:47:05,070 - I just sell tropical fish. - Duly noted. 781 00:47:05,230 --> 00:47:08,440 As a real journalist, I have to start with one question: 782 00:47:09,780 --> 00:47:14,160 Are you the leader of a radical group known as The Alarm Clock? 783 00:47:14,330 --> 00:47:16,580 - No. - Sorry to have bothered you. 784 00:47:16,750 --> 00:47:19,790 All right, guys, let's get that cable up and let's just shove out of here. 785 00:47:19,960 --> 00:47:21,330 I think we should... 786 00:47:21,500 --> 00:47:22,750 Oh, yes. 787 00:47:24,420 --> 00:47:27,210 Then how do you respond to these security photos of you 788 00:47:27,380 --> 00:47:30,050 outside the bank five minutes before it was robbed 789 00:47:30,220 --> 00:47:32,590 by four members of the group? 790 00:47:32,760 --> 00:47:35,430 You're touching his face, Brick. Look alive. 791 00:47:38,310 --> 00:47:39,850 Well, that happens to be my bank. 792 00:47:40,020 --> 00:47:42,900 Just because I go there doesn't make me a dangerous radical. 793 00:47:43,060 --> 00:47:47,230 By that logic, you could arrest anybody who's ever been to a bank. 794 00:47:49,030 --> 00:47:53,110 You know, like I said, I work in a pet store, you know? 795 00:47:53,280 --> 00:47:55,660 Pet Shack, you know? 796 00:47:55,830 --> 00:47:58,790 - I sell tropical birds. - Right. 797 00:48:00,460 --> 00:48:02,540 I'm not even... I'm not much for politics. 798 00:48:02,710 --> 00:48:05,840 Once again, I am sorry. Big hearty handshake. 799 00:48:06,000 --> 00:48:09,960 Let's bring the van around the front, and maybe go get lunch at Lancer's. 800 00:48:10,130 --> 00:48:12,680 I think I'll have a veal chop. Would you stop coughing! 801 00:48:12,840 --> 00:48:14,970 - Look at these. - Do you need a lozenge? 802 00:48:15,140 --> 00:48:16,470 Oh, right. 803 00:48:17,310 --> 00:48:18,640 How could I forget? 804 00:48:19,430 --> 00:48:21,810 Then how do you explain this clear voice match 805 00:48:21,980 --> 00:48:25,650 between you and the man in the security cam footage? 806 00:48:26,650 --> 00:48:28,980 A lot of guys talk like I do. 807 00:48:30,320 --> 00:48:32,490 - 00:48:35,530 - Hadn't thought of that. - Or... 809 00:48:37,330 --> 00:48:40,450 Or maybe The Alarm Clock is going off! 810 00:48:40,620 --> 00:48:45,330 You're gonna pay for this, Ron Burgundy! Let the truth ring out! 811 00:48:46,040 --> 00:48:47,960 Follow him with the camera! 812 00:48:48,130 --> 00:48:49,340 Oh, boy, he's fast. 813 00:48:51,300 --> 00:48:53,670 Boy, we really ripped the lid off of that! 814 00:49:01,890 --> 00:49:02,890 He took the van. 815 00:49:03,060 --> 00:49:05,810 Oh, my God. He is a member of The Alarm Clock. 816 00:49:05,980 --> 00:49:09,770 This is fun! All right, what do we do now? 817 00:49:09,940 --> 00:49:14,740 Since this report was filed, Paul Hauser has disappeared. 818 00:49:14,910 --> 00:49:18,820 Unfortunately, police were just days away from arresting him, 819 00:49:18,990 --> 00:49:21,620 but now must start from scratch. 820 00:49:23,370 --> 00:49:25,370 Well, that was quite a story, Ron. 821 00:49:25,540 --> 00:49:28,000 Well, I appreciate that. It sure was. 822 00:49:28,170 --> 00:49:32,050 I really kind of found myself as a reporter, as a journalist. 823 00:49:32,210 --> 00:49:35,010 But that's myjob. I'm a journalist, 824 00:49:35,180 --> 00:49:39,050 I'm a very good journalist. I'm a damn fine journalist. 825 00:49:39,220 --> 00:49:42,010 And right now, I'm sensing some jealousy. 826 00:49:43,850 --> 00:49:45,890 But that's part of the game. 827 00:49:46,060 --> 00:49:49,190 Sometimes some people are better and other people aren't. 828 00:49:49,360 --> 00:49:52,530 So coming up after the commercial break, 829 00:49:52,690 --> 00:49:55,650 Brick Tamland, he's gonna have a little weather report for you. 830 00:49:55,820 --> 00:49:59,240 We have a hot one in store over here in Fallbrook. 831 00:49:59,410 --> 00:50:01,450 It's 100, you can expect on Tuesday... 832 00:50:01,620 --> 00:50:03,290 Not yet, Brick. 833 00:50:04,200 --> 00:50:06,410 - We'll be right back. - We'll be right back. 834 00:50:09,880 --> 00:50:11,790 Huh? That's how you do it. 835 00:50:11,960 --> 00:50:15,300 - By the way, P.S. - Unbelievable. 836 00:50:15,470 --> 00:50:17,300 Unbelievably good. 837 00:50:19,260 --> 00:50:20,930 That was great, that came off well. 838 00:50:21,100 --> 00:50:22,220 I couldn't have done it without you guys. 839 00:50:24,890 --> 00:50:27,060 Impeding a federal investigation, 840 00:50:27,230 --> 00:50:29,190 stealing another reporter's lead, 841 00:50:29,350 --> 00:50:32,520 and not to mention losing an $80, 000 news van, 842 00:50:32,690 --> 00:50:36,240 Ron was fired that night by Ed Harken. 843 00:50:36,400 --> 00:50:39,820 And once again, he hit bottom... fast. 844 00:50:40,820 --> 00:50:42,990 You bastard, we trusted you. 845 00:50:44,450 --> 00:50:48,040 In fact, Ron bottomed out as fast as just about anyone. 846 00:50:49,120 --> 00:50:53,130 He sometimes bottomed out when he couldn't find a parking place 847 00:50:53,300 --> 00:50:56,800 or if the sports section was missing from the paper. 848 00:50:56,970 --> 00:51:00,760 Anyway, I feel like I'm explaining this too much. 849 00:51:05,970 --> 00:51:09,560 Sharon! Damn it, Sharon, I'm recording narration. 850 00:51:10,350 --> 00:51:12,480 Turn that phone off. 851 00:51:12,650 --> 00:51:16,570 Sorry about that. So anyway, he hit bottom. 852 00:51:22,780 --> 00:51:25,990 It's Channel 4 News at 6:00. 853 00:51:26,160 --> 00:51:30,580 Good evening, San Diego. I'm lead anchor, Veronica Corningstone. 854 00:51:30,750 --> 00:51:32,000 This just in. 855 00:51:32,170 --> 00:51:35,290 The group, The Alarm Clock, using the Channel 4 News van, 856 00:51:35,460 --> 00:51:37,960 - ran an armored car off the road... - Damn it, Harken! 857 00:51:38,130 --> 00:51:39,760 ...and stole nearly $50, 000. 858 00:51:39,930 --> 00:51:42,010 For crying out loud! 859 00:51:42,180 --> 00:51:44,890 ...since they stole it from former anchor, Ron Burgundy. 860 00:51:45,060 --> 00:51:49,890 I hope you're happy. I'm trying to just enjoy my ribs. 861 00:51:56,190 --> 00:52:00,820 From all of us here at Channel 4 News, I'm Veronica Corningstone, 862 00:52:00,990 --> 00:52:02,740 and you stay classy, San Di... 863 00:52:05,160 --> 00:52:07,540 Thanks for stopping by, San Diego. 864 00:52:09,580 --> 00:52:11,080 All clear. 865 00:52:14,330 --> 00:52:17,210 Charlie, I needed that research last week. 866 00:52:17,380 --> 00:52:20,420 Well, get it to me as soon as possible. Thank you. 867 00:52:20,590 --> 00:52:22,300 - 00:52:25,050 I tried calling the mayor's office. They won't call back. 869 00:52:25,220 --> 00:52:27,300 Try again. Tell them that it's me 870 00:52:27,470 --> 00:52:29,810 and that he owes me something. He knows that. 871 00:52:32,440 --> 00:52:35,600 Why do you have to keep typing this in Chinese, Lloyd? 872 00:52:50,660 --> 00:52:53,250 Helen, would you put Ron on the phone? 873 00:52:55,170 --> 00:52:58,130 You know what? Forget it. 874 00:52:58,300 --> 00:53:00,710 It's all right, no. I'll call him later. 875 00:53:10,600 --> 00:53:12,640 The V's aren't working on my typewriter. 876 00:53:12,810 --> 00:53:16,520 It's "Eronica Corningstone". That's horrible, that can't say that. 877 00:53:18,400 --> 00:53:20,900 00:53:40,130 What did I do wrong? 879 00:53:47,430 --> 00:53:49,720 I'm not home right now 880 00:53:49,890 --> 00:53:52,060 I am not home 881 00:53:52,220 --> 00:53:54,100 I am out, so leave a message 882 00:53:54,270 --> 00:53:56,810 When the machine goes beep 883 00:53:56,980 --> 00:54:00,980 Ron, this is your mentor, Jess Moondragon. 884 00:54:01,150 --> 00:54:02,820 I thought maybe you'd like to talk. 885 00:54:04,150 --> 00:54:05,150 Jess... 886 00:54:07,030 --> 00:54:08,160 ...help me. 887 00:54:09,160 --> 00:54:11,280 You've done well for yourself, Jess. 888 00:54:11,450 --> 00:54:16,830 Yeah, I dreaded retirement forever, until I found this piece of land. 889 00:54:17,000 --> 00:54:20,290 - It's God's country. - 00:54:24,670 00:54:28,970 She's a giving lady, 00:54:31,050 Didn't even bother to put on make-up. 893 00:54:35,270 --> 00:54:38,690 You know, I'd deeply like to take her and... 894 00:54:38,850 --> 00:54:39,850 ...make love to her. 895 00:54:41,020 --> 00:54:43,360 She's an elusive goddess, 00:54:46,530 Yeah. Still, to... 897 00:54:47,950 --> 00:54:50,780 ...feel her succulent breasts pressed against me... 898 00:54:52,280 --> 00:54:53,700 ...and my breath, 899 00:54:53,870 --> 00:54:56,370 whispering hot in her ear, 900 00:54:56,540 --> 00:54:58,540 "Yeah, baby"... 901 00:55:00,170 --> 00:55:02,250 ...while I fumble with my belt. 902 00:55:03,210 --> 00:55:05,170 You get my drift, friend? 903 00:55:05,340 --> 00:55:07,880 Yeah. Yeah, I do. 904 00:55:08,050 --> 00:55:12,760 I do. But therein lies the rub, for she turns away all suitors. 905 00:55:12,930 --> 00:55:15,720 I'd like to take 00:55:21,770 get in the shower and wash each other all over, 907 00:55:21,940 --> 00:55:24,980 then go in the bedroom and do things you can only do in Bangkok. 908 00:55:25,150 --> 00:55:29,650 All right, I have to stop you there. You're making me very uncomfortable. 909 00:55:30,030 --> 00:55:34,410 Sorry, Ron Burgundy, I... 00:55:39,250 So I guess you heard what happened to me. 911 00:55:39,410 --> 00:55:41,710 I did indeed, old friend. 912 00:55:41,880 --> 00:55:44,290 Everyone hates me, Jess. 913 00:55:44,460 --> 00:55:46,880 I can't work anywhere. 914 00:55:47,050 --> 00:55:50,470 00:55:53,180 Now, you listen to me. 916 00:55:53,340 --> 00:55:55,640 The world always needs a good anchor, 917 00:55:55,810 --> 00:55:57,930 and Ron Burgundy is a damn fine one, 918 00:55:58,100 --> 00:56:00,310 so you just hang in there. 919 00:56:02,940 --> 00:56:06,190 That's your advice? "Hang in there?" 920 00:56:06,360 --> 00:56:10,740 Look, I don't know why you ever looked up to me so much in the first place. 921 00:56:10,900 --> 00:56:12,610 I'm not all that great a guy. 922 00:56:13,280 --> 00:56:15,410 Well, then I guess I'll be going. 923 00:56:16,490 --> 00:56:20,500 You know, it's funny. I always wanted to do a broadcast from the observatory. 924 00:56:21,120 --> 00:56:23,790 I bet you could reach a million homes from up there. 925 00:56:25,670 --> 00:56:28,420 Now, I'd be happy to reach just one. 926 00:56:29,670 --> 00:56:31,970 Why don't you take a naked nature walk with me? 927 00:56:32,130 --> 00:56:35,140 - It'd cheer you up. - Yeah, I'm not gonna do that. 928 00:56:35,300 --> 00:56:39,310 I tell you, you get out there, and everything's just hanging free. 929 00:56:39,470 --> 00:56:43,270 - Kind of weird. - The deer come up, sniff you. 930 00:56:43,440 --> 00:56:45,980 - Not my style. - It's neat. Bend over to pick a flower 931 00:56:46,150 --> 00:56:49,980 - and that cold nose... - Now, I'm getting uncomfortable. 932 00:56:50,150 --> 00:56:51,280 I got extra sandals. 933 00:56:51,440 --> 00:56:53,700 - I bet you do. - Really, I mean, come on... 934 00:56:53,860 --> 00:56:56,370 - Nope. Nope. - You'd like it. It'd make me happy. 935 00:56:56,530 --> 00:56:58,870 - Nope. - 00:57:00,120 - Not gonna do it. - Come on. 937 00:57:04,330 --> 00:57:07,170 Well, hello, 00:57:10,090 Guess what? Now you're gonna read the real news. 939 00:57:10,260 --> 00:57:13,670 I hope you don't mind, I ate some of your cottage cheese. 940 00:57:17,430 --> 00:57:20,060 What're you doing? Give me the whistle. 941 00:57:20,220 --> 00:57:21,850 Let's go. Come on, come on. 942 00:57:22,020 --> 00:57:23,480 - 00:57:29,480 How many times we had this conversation? 944 00:57:29,650 --> 00:57:33,110 - About a million times. - I guess it'll be a million and one, 945 00:57:33,280 --> 00:57:36,610 so listen up. You cannot hang around people's houses at night 946 00:57:36,780 --> 00:57:40,120 - wearing a ski mask. - I'm not hanging out, I'm doing stuff. 947 00:57:40,290 --> 00:57:43,370 - Well, it makes them nervous. - Sorry, Dad. God. 948 00:57:43,540 --> 00:57:45,460 If you have to be back there, take a look, 949 00:57:45,620 --> 00:57:48,040 see what you gotta see leave like a gentleman. 950 00:57:48,210 --> 00:57:49,960 - Bitch. - If they start to scream, 951 00:57:50,130 --> 00:57:53,510 - don't try to "shut them up." - Is it cool if I smoke a joint? 952 00:57:53,670 --> 00:57:58,260 - Now, what do you think? - Oh, sweet. Thanks, dude. 953 00:57:59,260 --> 00:58:01,260 Will you put that thing out? 954 00:58:02,270 --> 00:58:04,890 Shut up! You're not the boss of me anymore, I'm 14! 955 00:58:05,060 --> 00:58:07,730 See the hair on my chest? It means I'm a man now. 956 00:58:07,900 --> 00:58:10,520 I didn't see it. You think you're tough? 957 00:58:10,690 --> 00:58:14,070 Swing. I'll hit you so hard you'll wear a catheter as a charm bracelet. 958 00:58:14,240 --> 00:58:16,570 I'm right here! I'm gonna kill myself! 959 00:58:16,740 --> 00:58:19,240 Oh, promises, promises! 960 00:58:19,410 --> 00:58:23,580 - Ed! Sorry to interrupt. - We're having a father and son chat. 961 00:58:23,750 --> 00:58:27,250 Veronica's 00:58:31,790 "Dig it, at long last, 00:58:35,170 will read the truth." Signed The Alarm Clock. 964 00:58:35,340 --> 00:58:37,260 See? I told you I wasn't part of that group. 965 00:58:37,430 --> 00:58:39,890 OK, it looks like I owe your mother $10. 966 00:58:40,050 --> 00:58:41,430 Always accusing me. 967 00:58:41,600 --> 00:58:44,510 Hey, don't bogart myjay! What's up? 968 00:58:44,680 --> 00:58:46,850 Oh... never mind! 969 00:58:47,020 --> 00:58:49,900 I'll hold that as evidence. You take this down to fingerprinting. 970 00:58:50,060 --> 00:58:52,560 We don't have fingerprinting, do we? Just file it. 971 00:58:55,070 --> 00:58:58,950 You'd do well to emulate that man. He's pulled himself up by bootstraps. 972 00:58:59,110 --> 00:59:01,570 "Take this and put it in the files. 973 00:59:01,740 --> 00:59:04,660 - Do everything I say." - Oh, that's a nice mouth. 974 00:59:04,830 --> 00:59:06,870 I suppose you wanna be like your friend 975 00:59:07,040 --> 00:59:09,960 who's so proud of himself 'cause he's a model prisoner. 976 00:59:10,120 --> 00:59:12,460 Spider at least has a good heart. 977 00:59:12,630 --> 00:59:14,920 In local news... 978 00:59:16,550 --> 00:59:20,300 ...Dr. Jim Bavelick 979 00:59:20,470 --> 00:59:22,890 grew the world's largest tomato. 980 00:59:23,050 --> 00:59:27,310 Hey, fella, you need to take a bath. You're starting to stink. 981 00:59:27,480 --> 00:59:30,140 You don't talk to me like that. I'm an anchorman. 982 00:59:30,310 --> 00:59:33,230 Take care of that, or I'll call the police. Hear me, Ace? 983 00:59:33,400 --> 00:59:34,820 Yeah, I hear you, Ace! 984 00:59:34,980 --> 00:59:37,780 I'll crush your balls in these two cups here. 985 00:59:38,650 --> 00:59:40,990 - What did you say? - I said I'll crush... 986 00:59:41,160 --> 00:59:43,490 Wes Mantooth reporting from the residence 987 00:59:43,660 --> 00:59:46,830 of rival anchorperson Veronica Corningstone, 988 00:59:47,000 --> 00:59:50,160 where last night she was kidnapped by The Alarm Clock. 989 00:59:50,330 --> 00:59:51,580 Veronica. 990 00:59:51,750 --> 00:59:55,290 Police believe the group is trying to get Corningstone 991 00:59:55,460 --> 00:59:59,170 to anchor a pirate broadcast from an unknown location 992 00:59:59,340 --> 01:00:02,470 of their sick, twisted message. 993 01:00:02,640 --> 01:00:07,310 And while it is not my job to speculate, odds are... 994 01:00:08,470 --> 01:00:10,180 ...she's probably already dead. 995 01:00:10,350 --> 01:00:12,520 I wonder where those hippies took her. 996 01:00:12,690 --> 01:00:16,020 It must be somewhere with a big enough broadcast radius... 997 01:00:17,030 --> 01:00:21,030 Eli Whitney's nose! I know where they are! 998 01:00:21,200 --> 01:00:23,990 The San Diego Observatory. It's the highest point in the area. 999 01:00:24,160 --> 01:00:25,950 Call the cops. There's a phone by the door. 1000 01:00:26,120 --> 01:00:29,120 No. If they go up there with their sirens blaring, 1001 01:00:29,290 --> 01:00:31,250 those crazies could panic. 1002 01:00:31,410 --> 01:00:35,130 I did this. Now I have to make it right. 1003 01:00:44,430 --> 01:00:46,890 Good evening, I'm Ron Burgundy. 1004 01:00:47,060 --> 01:00:51,100 Son of a man nipple. 01:00:56,060 If I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna need my news team at my side. 1006 01:01:04,160 --> 01:01:08,660 News team, assemble! 1007 01:01:09,240 --> 01:01:10,910 I'm sorry we turned our backs on you, Ron. 1008 01:01:11,080 --> 01:01:15,170 - Sorry, Ron. That was horrible. - Hey, all is forgiven, all right? 1009 01:01:15,330 --> 01:01:17,580 I'm glad we're back together as a team. 1010 01:01:20,090 --> 01:01:22,300 - We love you, Ron. - Thanks, man. 1011 01:01:24,630 --> 01:01:26,010 I love you, Ron. 1012 01:01:29,810 --> 01:01:31,310 I said I love you, Ron. 1013 01:01:33,270 --> 01:01:34,770 Why is everyone ignoring me? 1014 01:01:36,690 --> 01:01:38,560 I love you, Ron. 1015 01:01:40,020 --> 01:01:43,360 And I think we should adopt a child together in Vermont. 1016 01:01:44,110 --> 01:01:47,360 - Answer me! - So... 1017 01:01:47,530 --> 01:01:49,120 ...the car's running great. 1018 01:01:49,280 --> 01:01:51,410 - Oh, yeah, yeah. - Take it in for a tune-up? 1019 01:01:51,580 --> 01:01:54,120 - Yeah. Changed the oil and... - Good. 1020 01:01:54,290 --> 01:01:57,170 Answer me! Ron! 1021 01:01:58,790 --> 01:02:01,800 Ron... I know you heard me. 1022 01:02:03,010 --> 01:02:05,300 I love you. 1023 01:02:05,470 --> 01:02:06,970 And I wanna be with you... 1024 01:02:07,890 --> 01:02:10,760 ...like men. I wanna be inside you. 1025 01:02:13,060 --> 01:02:14,470 I want you inside me. 1026 01:02:16,100 --> 01:02:19,600 - Anybody up for the radio? - I would love to hear the radio. 1027 01:02:19,770 --> 01:02:23,360 No radio! I have something to say to Ron! 1028 01:02:24,070 --> 01:02:26,860 You know I've had feelings for you for a long time. 1029 01:02:28,660 --> 01:02:32,660 We'd be good together, Ron, I... I... I'm a good cook. 1030 01:02:33,660 --> 01:02:35,160 Do you like your feet rubbed? I bet you do. 1031 01:02:35,330 --> 01:02:39,330 I'll rub 'em, and maybe we could 1032 01:02:39,500 --> 01:02:42,420 get married in a ceremony presided over by Roger Staubach. 1033 01:02:42,590 --> 01:02:44,840 I called him last week, I hope that's OK. 1034 01:02:45,010 --> 01:02:46,760 01:02:49,130 - Sounds OK. - Yeah, burrito. 1036 01:02:49,300 --> 01:02:53,970 Say it! Say, "Champ Burgundy". Say it! 1037 01:02:54,140 --> 01:02:55,520 Tostada. 1038 01:02:56,680 --> 01:02:58,480 - Tostadas would be great. - Oh, man. 1039 01:02:58,640 --> 01:03:01,730 I am in love with Ron Burgundy! 1040 01:03:02,520 --> 01:03:04,400 I'm always thinking about you, Ron. 1041 01:03:04,570 --> 01:03:09,450 I have dream journals about you. Filled pages. 1042 01:03:09,610 --> 01:03:12,950 When I make love to women, I close my eyes 1043 01:03:13,120 --> 01:03:15,200 and think of you when I finish. 1044 01:03:15,370 --> 01:03:18,210 Ron Burgundy 1045 01:03:18,370 --> 01:03:20,040 Is in love with me 1046 01:03:20,210 --> 01:03:22,960 Ron Burgundy 1047 01:03:23,130 --> 01:03:25,550 And Champion Kind 1048 01:03:25,710 --> 01:03:30,300 Oh, let's be so beautiful together 1049 01:03:30,470 --> 01:03:32,510 Running in the grass 1050 01:03:32,680 --> 01:03:35,390 In the summer and the fall 1051 01:03:35,560 --> 01:03:37,470 And wintertime too 1052 01:03:37,640 --> 01:03:41,390 - How much longer you think? - It's gotta be another five minutes. 1053 01:03:41,560 --> 01:03:43,360 - The problem is the altitude. - Right. 1054 01:03:43,520 --> 01:03:46,730 Ron? I know you can hear me. 1055 01:03:47,780 --> 01:03:51,030 I wanna... I wanna kiss you on the mouth. 1056 01:03:52,160 --> 01:03:53,950 I wanna... 1057 01:03:54,120 --> 01:03:55,620 Ron... 1058 01:03:57,410 --> 01:03:59,000 Ron. 1059 01:04:06,920 --> 01:04:08,670 Ron... 1060 01:04:08,840 --> 01:04:11,220 - Good to get my parking spot back. - Yeah. 1061 01:04:11,380 --> 01:04:14,800 I love you! Don't ignore me! 1062 01:04:14,970 --> 01:04:18,220 I am in love with Ron Burgundy! 1063 01:04:38,950 --> 01:04:40,290 Hey, girl. 1064 01:04:41,830 --> 01:04:43,330 01:04:47,250 From this altitude, we can overlap into every channel, 1066 01:04:47,420 --> 01:04:50,840 - every station, every frequency. - Dig it. 1067 01:04:51,010 --> 01:04:54,760 It's time to light this bad boy up. I'm gonna tell you. 1068 01:05:07,730 --> 01:05:08,940 Hello, gentlemen. 1069 01:05:09,900 --> 01:05:11,610 Everything is ready for you. 1070 01:05:12,570 --> 01:05:14,860 Thank you, Jess 01:05:17,450 Boy, you should really put some pants on. 1072 01:05:17,620 --> 01:05:22,580 All right. Remember, the observatory is directly over that mountain pass. 1073 01:05:22,750 --> 01:05:24,830 - Right. - That's some rough country. 1074 01:05:25,000 --> 01:05:27,880 - How're we gonna get up there? - As I said... 1075 01:05:30,250 --> 01:05:32,210 ...everything is ready for you. 1076 01:05:39,510 --> 01:05:41,930 God be with you, Channel 4 News Team! 1077 01:05:42,100 --> 01:05:43,520 God be with you! 1078 01:06:06,170 --> 01:06:08,710 This is serious, this is not a... 1079 01:06:08,880 --> 01:06:10,630 No, don't do that to him. 1080 01:06:24,270 --> 01:06:27,270 Let's go, fellas. Give 11 0 percent. 1081 01:06:27,440 --> 01:06:29,690 Come on! We've almost got it! 1082 01:06:35,740 --> 01:06:37,700 Stay close, gang. 1083 01:06:39,570 --> 01:06:41,620 This is treacherous country. 1084 01:06:42,990 --> 01:06:44,450 01:06:50,500 Gentlemen, bad news. I believe we're lost. 1086 01:06:50,670 --> 01:06:53,840 What're we gonna do? We don't have food or water. 1087 01:06:54,000 --> 01:06:56,840 Take it easy! Just everyone, relax! 1088 01:06:57,010 --> 01:07:00,680 If we panic, we die! OK? Easy! 1089 01:07:06,730 --> 01:07:08,020 Now... 1090 01:07:10,770 --> 01:07:14,150 OK, let's check the wind direction. 1091 01:07:14,320 --> 01:07:16,440 And f... No, no, shut up! 1092 01:07:16,610 --> 01:07:19,490 Everyone shut up! We've got 1093 01:07:19,660 --> 01:07:22,530 some very tough decisions to make in the next couple of hours, 1094 01:07:22,700 --> 01:07:24,950 or maybe even months. 1095 01:07:25,120 --> 01:07:26,370 Or even years, I don't know. 1096 01:07:26,540 --> 01:07:29,710 Just spit it out, RB. You're talking about cannibalism. 1097 01:07:29,870 --> 01:07:32,290 Am I? Is that what I'm talking about? 1098 01:07:33,290 --> 01:07:36,050 I guess I am. I'm talking about cannibalism. 1099 01:07:37,170 --> 01:07:40,720 Developed by the Japanese in the 1800s... 1100 01:07:41,430 --> 01:07:44,970 ...and now we're going to use it in present-day time. 1101 01:07:45,810 --> 01:07:49,310 The eating of flesh for the sustention of life. 1102 01:07:50,230 --> 01:07:52,810 What do you think of that? It's about to happen! 1103 01:07:52,980 --> 01:07:55,110 It'll have to be the weakest one. 1104 01:07:55,270 --> 01:07:58,610 Sweet Lord, I don't know if I can eat a friend. 1105 01:07:59,320 --> 01:08:02,070 I once ate an entire bowl of LEGOS. 1106 01:08:02,240 --> 01:08:06,370 I don't care, Brick! I just don't care! 1107 01:08:07,660 --> 01:08:09,660 How's that twisted ankle of yours, Brian? 1108 01:08:10,660 --> 01:08:13,080 It's fine. I barely even feel it any more. 1109 01:08:19,050 --> 01:08:21,840 Please, Brian, please. 1110 01:08:22,010 --> 01:08:23,840 - Don't struggle. - What are you guys doing? 1111 01:08:24,010 --> 01:08:25,800 Come on. It's for the good of the group. 1112 01:08:25,970 --> 01:08:28,720 Just lay down so we can eat you. 1113 01:08:31,810 --> 01:08:33,190 - No. - Don't make this harder 1114 01:08:33,350 --> 01:08:35,610 - than it has to be. - Stay away from me, you bastards! 1115 01:08:35,770 --> 01:08:39,320 Let me do it, Ron. Don't need you being implicated in this murder. 1116 01:08:39,490 --> 01:08:43,490 Hush little baby Daddy's coming to eat you 1117 01:08:43,660 --> 01:08:47,530 Mamma's gonna buy you a back of your calf 1118 01:08:47,700 --> 01:08:50,790 Don't, wait, don't eat me. Don't eat me. Eat Brick, he won't care. 1119 01:08:50,960 --> 01:08:53,410 - No, that's fine. - You're a lot leaner. 1120 01:08:53,580 --> 01:08:55,170 Stop it, guys. 1121 01:08:55,830 --> 01:09:00,300 Please relax. Think of something relaxing, like a stream 1122 01:09:00,460 --> 01:09:03,050 - or a meadow. - Stay away from me! 1123 01:09:03,220 --> 01:09:05,510 - Stay away from me! - OK, yeah. 1124 01:09:05,680 --> 01:09:08,850 - Back, back, back! - Let me do it. 1125 01:09:09,010 --> 01:09:11,350 I've wanted to do this for a long time. 1126 01:09:11,520 --> 01:09:14,890 Dreamt of it. Dreams of Fantana! 1127 01:09:15,060 --> 01:09:17,810 - Stay away! - I'm gonna eat your face 1128 01:09:17,980 --> 01:09:22,110 off your bones, Fantana! Let me do it, Ron! 1129 01:09:22,280 --> 01:09:24,860 You say it, and I'll kill this man! 1130 01:09:25,030 --> 01:09:27,740 - Do it, Champ. Drop the rock. - No, guys, come on! 1131 01:09:27,910 --> 01:09:30,580 Drop the rock. Drop the rock. 1132 01:09:30,740 --> 01:09:32,870 - It was an accident. - Pretend I'm a wolverine. 1133 01:09:33,040 --> 01:09:34,540 I'll give you a wolverine. 1134 01:09:35,420 --> 01:09:38,790 - We had to eat him! - Don't struggle. It's for the group. 1135 01:09:38,960 --> 01:09:40,590 I've never even slept with a lady! 1136 01:09:40,750 --> 01:09:44,090 Hey, you guys. Look at the big white bubbly building! 1137 01:09:45,800 --> 01:09:48,930 Good work, Brick. All right, team. Let's move out. 1138 01:09:49,100 --> 01:09:51,060 Keep a tight perimeter. 1139 01:09:53,060 --> 01:09:54,140 Nice job. 1140 01:10:08,530 --> 01:10:11,280 All right, gang, it's real simple. 1141 01:10:11,450 --> 01:10:15,330 Just like when we were back together in 'Nam in '64. I'll take point... 1142 01:10:16,420 --> 01:10:20,130 Stand down, Corporal Burgundy. I'm running this show now. 1143 01:10:20,290 --> 01:10:23,090 - Affirmative, a-ffir-ma-tive? - Affirmative. 1144 01:10:24,630 --> 01:10:28,130 I'll take point. Champ, right flank. 1145 01:10:28,300 --> 01:10:31,760 Gator Dirty Teacup. We will fan out, 1146 01:10:31,930 --> 01:10:34,100 to a cobra double-helix formation. 1147 01:10:34,270 --> 01:10:36,640 If we encounter any hostiles... 1148 01:10:38,230 --> 01:10:40,020 ...silent throat cuts only. 1149 01:10:40,650 --> 01:10:42,860 On my... mark. 1150 01:10:45,240 --> 01:10:47,280 Looks like the captain's back. 1151 01:11:02,000 --> 01:11:06,510 - Any word yet from the police? - Nothing. No sign of her. 1152 01:11:06,670 --> 01:11:09,010 No one's heard from the rest of the news team either. 1153 01:11:09,180 --> 01:11:10,800 Well, I hope they find them soon. 1154 01:11:10,970 --> 01:11:15,260 These weekend anchors we have to fill in are... just not cutting it. 1155 01:11:15,430 --> 01:11:18,100 - One of our own is missing. - Ready two. 1156 01:11:18,270 --> 01:11:23,060 01:11:25,020 We are looking for 1158 01:11:25,190 --> 01:11:29,240 any information we have on the lady. 1159 01:11:29,410 --> 01:11:32,660 And you can call... you can call this number. 1160 01:11:32,830 --> 01:11:35,830 - Where's the friggin' number? - Ready two. 1161 01:11:35,990 --> 01:11:38,290 I do have a message for one of our viewers. 1162 01:11:39,210 --> 01:11:41,920 01:11:45,170 I didn't know I was coming to work today, they called last minute. 1164 01:11:45,340 --> 01:11:49,050 I left spaghetti on the stove. I swear to God, I will cut your hair tomorrow. 1165 01:11:49,220 --> 01:11:51,300 I want them off the air now! 1166 01:11:53,890 --> 01:11:56,350 Why don't you think about losing the beard? 1167 01:11:56,520 --> 01:11:59,230 I guess her name... I can't... Ian! 1168 01:11:59,940 --> 01:12:01,020 I can't find the number! 1169 01:12:03,650 --> 01:12:06,070 You see, 01:12:08,110 When that anchor reads our manifesto, 1171 01:12:08,280 --> 01:12:10,650 this city's gonna go crazy with the truth. 1172 01:12:10,820 --> 01:12:14,070 - Have you finished the manifesto? - Yeah, it's almost done. 1173 01:12:14,240 --> 01:12:17,580 I gotta get a new typewriter ribbon. It's all up here. 1174 01:12:18,910 --> 01:12:21,160 Ron! Ron, be careful. 1175 01:12:21,330 --> 01:12:24,580 Blink and you're dead 'cause we're in Rome now. 1176 01:12:24,750 --> 01:12:28,630 Well, if it isn't Whitey 01:12:35,970 Oh, Ron, I can't believe you came for me. 1178 01:12:36,890 --> 01:12:39,220 I've been thinking about you every second. 1179 01:12:39,930 --> 01:12:43,640 Part of the time wanting to kill you because of my hatred. 1180 01:12:44,770 --> 01:12:47,770 Another time, wanting to make love to you 1181 01:12:47,940 --> 01:12:50,440 in a 24-hour endless cycle. 1182 01:12:51,610 --> 01:12:53,780 Ron, there's something that you should know. 1183 01:12:55,370 --> 01:12:58,790 - You needn't say a word. - But, Ron, I wasn't myself. 1184 01:12:58,950 --> 01:13:02,620 I was angry, I was consumed with ambition, and I'm sorry. 1185 01:13:02,790 --> 01:13:05,040 I'm sorry, my little chinchilla. 1186 01:13:05,210 --> 01:13:09,300 If it wasn't for my stupid pride, we wouldn't be here right now. 1187 01:13:09,460 --> 01:13:12,300 OK, here's what's gonna happen, 01:13:14,300 In 10 minutes, we're going live. 1189 01:13:14,470 --> 01:13:16,720 At that point, you will read our statement. 1190 01:13:16,890 --> 01:13:20,810 - The hell I will. - Then we kill you. 1191 01:13:20,970 --> 01:13:23,350 Go ahead. I am an anchor, 1192 01:13:23,520 --> 01:13:25,900 and I would rather die than lose my credibility. 1193 01:13:27,190 --> 01:13:28,310 I'll do it. 1194 01:13:30,400 --> 01:13:32,490 I've just been informed by law enforcement 1195 01:13:32,650 --> 01:13:35,070 this is the largest search-and-rescue operation 1196 01:13:35,240 --> 01:13:39,030 ever to be conducted in the San Diego metropolitan area. 1197 01:13:39,200 --> 01:13:44,000 Is this worth our tax dollars? 01:13:46,420 One thing here today is for sure, though, 1199 01:13:46,580 --> 01:13:51,000 this is a frightening and confusing story. 1200 01:13:51,170 --> 01:13:53,090 But I'm here for you, San Diego. 1201 01:13:53,260 --> 01:13:57,180 Go on, pull up a chair. Put your hand on the TV set. 1202 01:13:57,340 --> 01:13:59,350 We'll get through this thing together. 1203 01:13:59,510 --> 01:14:03,560 I am Wes 01:14:05,730 human being. 1205 01:14:07,690 --> 01:14:11,270 Listen up. We're going live on the air in two minutes. 1206 01:14:11,440 --> 01:14:15,190 I'm ready to go here. But I have to be honest with you. 1207 01:14:15,360 --> 01:14:18,530 This copy you've handed me, it's not your best work. 1208 01:14:18,700 --> 01:14:22,290 It's awful. But I can't possibly read this on the air. 1209 01:14:22,450 --> 01:14:25,540 Besides, it needs to be typed and preferably double-spaced. 1210 01:14:25,710 --> 01:14:28,710 Courier, Helvetica, 01:14:31,540 OK, all right, enough. I'm... I'm almost finished. 1212 01:14:31,710 --> 01:14:33,960 I'm almost done. I've just got to... 1213 01:14:34,130 --> 01:14:37,970 - ...do this one part here. - 01:14:40,340 You been writing that manifesto for three months, man. 1215 01:14:40,510 --> 01:14:44,220 - Read it before I kick your ass. - Yeah, you jive turkey, read it. 1216 01:14:44,390 --> 01:14:47,770 You wanna hear the manifesto? OK, fine, here it is! 1217 01:14:47,940 --> 01:14:52,230 Here is how The Alarm Clock will change the world forever! 1218 01:14:55,690 --> 01:14:58,860 All right, you know how when we... 1219 01:15:00,450 --> 01:15:04,910 ...drink beer or soda, and then we throw out the bottles and cans? 1220 01:15:06,660 --> 01:15:11,580 Well, how about we start saving those bottles and cans? 1221 01:15:12,340 --> 01:15:16,420 - Reuse them. - You are a lunatic. 1222 01:15:17,050 --> 01:15:19,930 Yeah, you'd need a whole 'nother garbage can for the bottles. 1223 01:15:20,090 --> 01:15:22,970 - People would never do that. - Wait, wait... What about...? 1224 01:15:23,140 --> 01:15:26,060 You didn't get to the part about electric cars so we don't have 1225 01:15:26,220 --> 01:15:30,480 - to be dependent on foreign oil! - Electric cars? 1226 01:15:30,980 --> 01:15:32,770 01:15:36,150 You are, aren't you? I know you took some of my weed! 1228 01:15:37,280 --> 01:15:41,490 Some of my weed is missing out of my purse. It was you! 1229 01:15:42,490 --> 01:15:44,080 I would just shoot him right now. 1230 01:15:44,240 --> 01:15:49,580 We gotta let the people know that meat is good for you, 1231 01:15:49,750 --> 01:15:53,880 - and potatoes make you fat! - Oh, man. 1232 01:15:54,340 --> 01:15:57,710 You know what? I cannot believe I did you in the hammock. 1233 01:15:57,880 --> 01:16:00,550 I gave you all my Juicy Fruit, then you treat me like this. 1234 01:16:00,720 --> 01:16:04,140 - I have had it! - We can't read this crap on the air. 1235 01:16:04,760 --> 01:16:08,640 We should all have computers in our houses, 1236 01:16:08,810 --> 01:16:11,640 every one of us, so that we could talk to each other 1237 01:16:11,810 --> 01:16:14,980 - with the computers. - That's gonna happen. 1238 01:16:15,150 --> 01:16:19,570 Now you're talkin' crazy. 01:16:21,990 You'll make us look like some kind ofjoke. 1240 01:16:22,160 --> 01:16:25,320 01:16:27,740 Get on the TV and make us sound good. 1242 01:16:28,370 --> 01:16:31,080 01:16:33,870 so we can have the people hear about truth and freedom. 1244 01:16:34,040 --> 01:16:36,840 They'll believe you. Get on there, man. 1245 01:16:37,000 --> 01:16:39,380 It's just not that simple. I need a TelePrompTer 1246 01:16:39,550 --> 01:16:41,300 and I need proper copy. 1247 01:16:41,470 --> 01:16:44,010 - Then the pretty lady dies. - Ron. 1248 01:16:44,180 --> 01:16:48,010 01:16:54,020 We're on live in ten, nine, 1250 01:16:54,190 --> 01:16:57,190 - eight, seven, six... - I need a TelePrompTer, I can't! 1251 01:16:57,360 --> 01:17:01,190 - Ron... - ...five, four, 1252 01:17:01,740 --> 01:17:03,780 three, two, and we're live. 1253 01:17:06,200 --> 01:17:08,530 What's happening, Daddy? 1254 01:17:09,910 --> 01:17:11,330 What happened to the TV? 1255 01:17:14,290 --> 01:17:16,830 - What in the Sam Hill? - It's on all three channels. 1256 01:17:17,000 --> 01:17:19,380 Not a thing I can do. They're breaking our signal. 1257 01:17:36,480 --> 01:17:38,150 What the hell's wrong with him? 1258 01:17:45,070 --> 01:17:48,950 Good Lord! He's got no TelePrompTer. 1259 01:17:53,250 --> 01:17:56,170 He... has no words. 1260 01:18:08,220 --> 01:18:10,600 Wash... washcloth. 1261 01:18:12,430 --> 01:18:13,560 Damn it. 1262 01:18:25,990 --> 01:18:27,740 01:18:29,370 01:18:36,120 I can't think of a word. Think of any word, just say it. 1265 01:18:37,290 --> 01:18:39,540 Camel... 1266 01:18:40,380 --> 01:18:44,050 Process the informa... It's just a blank slate. 1267 01:18:44,210 --> 01:18:46,380 When I close my eyes, it's a blank slate. 1268 01:18:46,550 --> 01:18:49,760 01:18:53,890 - Happy birthday to me. - Ron, say something. 1270 01:18:54,060 --> 01:18:56,600 01:18:59,310 It's too loud. It's too loud. 1272 01:19:00,360 --> 01:19:02,150 01:19:04,280 Too loud. I'm Ron Channely... 1274 01:19:04,440 --> 01:19:07,950 I'm 01:19:11,780 Aspen, Colorado. 01:19:15,450 Astronauts are on the 01:19:19,080 - Watch out for the astronauts. - Ron. 1278 01:19:22,000 --> 01:19:24,630 There's no TelePrompTer, I can't do it. 1279 01:19:24,800 --> 01:19:28,590 Ron, it's jazz. It's jazz, baby. 1280 01:19:29,430 --> 01:19:33,140 - Let it flow. Let it flow. - I can feel it. 1281 01:19:33,810 --> 01:19:35,180 I can feel it. 1282 01:19:38,350 --> 01:19:43,400 Good evening. I'm Ron Burgundy, reporting from life. 1283 01:19:43,940 --> 01:19:47,570 I'd first like to apologize for my past 1284 01:19:47,740 --> 01:19:49,990 and hateful transgressions. 1285 01:19:50,160 --> 01:19:52,410 I am sorry, dear San Diego. 1286 01:19:53,160 --> 01:19:56,040 First of all, I'd like you to know that I'm safe. 1287 01:19:56,200 --> 01:19:59,210 However, I'm under the careful scrutiny 1288 01:19:59,370 --> 01:20:03,290 of a group of young upstarts who call themselves The Alarm Clock. 1289 01:20:04,210 --> 01:20:08,630 And I have to say, although their methods may be questionable, 1290 01:20:08,800 --> 01:20:12,510 they are on the road to righteous truth. 1291 01:20:12,680 --> 01:20:16,060 That's it, that's it. Use them anchorman tricks. 1292 01:20:16,220 --> 01:20:17,720 Have all them people follow us. 1293 01:20:17,890 --> 01:20:20,850 A road that if you follow it with your heart, 1294 01:20:21,020 --> 01:20:24,650 will lead you, oddly enough, by the old 01:20:27,230 - you know, near the pickle stand... - Wait. 1296 01:20:27,400 --> 01:20:30,070 He's giving directions to where they are. 1297 01:20:30,240 --> 01:20:32,110 - Take this down. - ...to Old Gearson Road. 1298 01:20:33,030 --> 01:20:36,780 A group that outshines many of the radicals... 1299 01:20:36,950 --> 01:20:39,290 - Good. You're good. - ...we come across today. 1300 01:20:39,450 --> 01:20:44,630 In fact, they are bright, pearly, shining stars, that needn't be observed 1301 01:20:44,790 --> 01:20:48,840 by, say, a telescope in an observatory. 1302 01:20:49,010 --> 01:20:52,050 - He's narc-ing! - He's telling the cops where we are! 1303 01:20:52,220 --> 01:20:56,180 News team! Commence Delta, Charlie, Charlie! 1304 01:20:56,350 --> 01:20:58,010 Yo, yo, yo! We've been burned! 1305 01:20:59,180 --> 01:21:01,600 What in the name of Solomon? 1306 01:21:02,850 --> 01:21:04,140 What the shit? 1307 01:21:06,560 --> 01:21:08,440 I'm gonna kill these punks. 1308 01:21:11,700 --> 01:21:13,820 - News team! - Let's rock. 1309 01:22:03,000 --> 01:22:06,000 - Good work, team. - Garbanzo! 1310 01:22:08,790 --> 01:22:11,670 It's just a new catch phrase I was trying out instead of whammy. 1311 01:22:11,840 --> 01:22:14,380 No, I'd stick with whammy, Champ. 1312 01:22:15,050 --> 01:22:16,130 Whammy works. 1313 01:22:16,300 --> 01:22:18,680 I like whammy better. Stick with whammy. 1314 01:22:19,680 --> 01:22:23,180 I'm not a fake! Let the revolution begin! 1315 01:22:27,480 --> 01:22:30,560 Veronica! 1316 01:22:31,480 --> 01:22:34,860 Ron! 1317 01:22:38,910 --> 01:22:41,160 Spiderman's balls, that hurt! 1318 01:22:47,370 --> 01:22:50,790 Oh, 01:22:53,250 And I would not do that again. 1320 01:22:55,220 --> 01:22:58,300 Let's be clear on that. I care for you deeply, but that... 1321 01:22:59,680 --> 01:23:02,600 It hurts! Oh, it hurts like a bitchy-bitch. 1322 01:23:03,600 --> 01:23:06,810 01:23:11,230 that I should be with instead, but I love you. 1324 01:23:44,560 --> 01:23:46,140 - Baby, cuff me back up. - Yes. 1325 01:23:46,310 --> 01:23:48,810 - You're gonna get cuffed. - Cuff me back up. Yes! 1326 01:23:48,980 --> 01:23:52,100 - Oh, yeah. - Yeah. Oh, now we're doing this. 1327 01:23:52,270 --> 01:23:54,520 - Oh, yeah. - Yeah! Yeah! 1328 01:23:55,690 --> 01:23:59,490 Oh, hey, say, you're cutting off the circulation to my hindquarters. 1329 01:23:59,650 --> 01:24:01,820 - It's hypnotic... - Release the pressure. 1330 01:24:01,990 --> 01:24:04,580 - ...yet disgusting. - I'm gonna pass out. 1331 01:24:04,740 --> 01:24:06,950 - That feels good, baby. - That feels good. 1332 01:24:07,120 --> 01:24:08,620 That's nice. 1333 01:24:09,660 --> 01:24:12,370 Now it's gonna get good. Now it's gonna get good. 1334 01:24:14,460 --> 01:24:18,960 - Get it off, get it off. - Get that off, get that off. 1335 01:24:27,470 --> 01:24:30,390 - Punch me in the arm. Again! - Did it hurt, baby? 1336 01:24:30,560 --> 01:24:32,560 - Yes. - Did it hurt? 1337 01:24:34,480 --> 01:24:36,360 Let me wake up the black lady. 1338 01:24:37,780 --> 01:24:39,280 Cuff me, cuff me, cuff me. 1339 01:24:39,440 --> 01:24:40,940 Cuff me, cuff... Cuff me. 1340 01:24:41,110 --> 01:24:42,990 Oh, yes, yes, yes! 1341 01:24:43,160 --> 01:24:45,820 - Slap it, slap me, slap me. - What do I slap? 1342 01:24:45,990 --> 01:24:49,830 Slap my ass, Daddy! Yes! Yes! Yes! 1343 01:24:50,000 --> 01:24:53,080 - I'm gonna punch it now. - Oh, 01:24:55,960 - I wanna bite it! - I like those tomatoes! 1345 01:24:58,670 --> 01:25:02,630 - I'm hungry. - Yeah. We don't need to see this. 1346 01:25:02,800 --> 01:25:05,140 Let's go to Charlie Lancer's and get you a candle. 1347 01:25:05,300 --> 01:25:07,550 - Candle! - A nice red one. 1348 01:25:13,850 --> 01:25:16,190 As for the news team, 1349 01:25:16,360 --> 01:25:19,980 Brian Fantana is still a successful reality TV host. 1350 01:25:20,530 --> 01:25:22,990 And recently, he married Paula Abdul. 1351 01:25:23,150 --> 01:25:27,950 The ceremony took place at Shutters, and Lorenzo Lamas was the best man. 1352 01:25:29,290 --> 01:25:32,000 Champ Kind has fallen on hard times 1353 01:25:32,160 --> 01:25:34,750 since being fired as an NFL commentator. 1354 01:25:34,920 --> 01:25:39,290 He now sells those big crayon balloons in the parking lot of the Ice Capades, 1355 01:25:39,460 --> 01:25:43,130 and will say "whammy!" at birthday parties for $20 1356 01:25:43,300 --> 01:25:45,510 and a 12-pack of Stroh's. 1357 01:25:46,010 --> 01:25:50,640 After serving as Bush's top political advisor for three years, 1358 01:25:50,810 --> 01:25:53,390 Brick went in to the private sector, 1359 01:25:53,560 --> 01:25:57,350 where he is now the CEO of Halliburton. 1360 01:26:09,780 --> 01:26:12,330 01:26:15,870 We're doing a "when the newsman becomes news" angle. 1362 01:26:16,040 --> 01:26:18,380 How would you like to report your own story? 1363 01:26:22,960 --> 01:26:24,050 Network, huh? 1364 01:26:26,090 --> 01:26:30,510 I'm Ron Burgundy. If you're looking for the best coverage of this story, 1365 01:26:30,680 --> 01:26:32,470 you need the best journalist. 1366 01:26:33,600 --> 01:26:36,560 And that would be this little lady right behind me. 1367 01:26:38,270 --> 01:26:40,860 - Oh, no, Ron, I can't. - Yes, you can. 1368 01:26:41,020 --> 01:26:44,280 You're the best I've ever seen, and that's a fact. 1369 01:26:44,860 --> 01:26:47,360 - Oh, Ron. - Can you feel it? 1370 01:26:48,030 --> 01:26:51,580 This is a very, very special and emotional moment. 1371 01:26:52,290 --> 01:26:53,910 I've learned to accept you for who you are 1372 01:26:54,080 --> 01:26:55,620 and I'm a much better man because of it. 1373 01:26:55,790 --> 01:26:58,250 - Ron. - It's so special. 1374 01:26:58,420 --> 01:27:01,960 - And it's happening right now. - Honey, you're wrecking it. 1375 01:27:02,130 --> 01:27:03,460 Right. 1376 01:27:05,550 --> 01:27:07,300 Have at it, my little wild flower. 1377 01:27:20,100 --> 01:27:24,730 I'm Veronica Corningstone, reporting for Channel 4 News. 1378 01:27:24,900 --> 01:27:27,110 Today could have been a very dark day, 1379 01:27:27,280 --> 01:27:31,070 if not for the quick thinking of one brave man: 1380 01:27:31,240 --> 01:27:34,700 - Ron Burgundy. - Ron Burgundy, I hate you. 1381 01:27:36,660 --> 01:27:38,750 But damn it, I respect you. 1382 01:27:48,420 --> 01:27:53,760 Wes Mantooth is still in San Diego and still number two. 1383 01:27:53,930 --> 01:27:58,430 And he still hates Ron Burgundy with an unnatural burning intensity. 1384 01:27:58,940 --> 01:28:01,600 The Alarm Clock was jailed for five years, 1385 01:28:01,770 --> 01:28:03,270 but upon being released, 1386 01:28:03,440 --> 01:28:06,270 started a little company called Macintosh. 1387 01:28:06,440 --> 01:28:08,740 They are now worth six billion dollars 1388 01:28:08,900 --> 01:28:11,740 and own the San Jose Sharks hockey team. 1389 01:28:14,700 --> 01:28:17,370 All photos and tapes of Ron Burgundy 1390 01:28:17,540 --> 01:28:21,160 have long since been thrown away or erased. 1391 01:28:21,330 --> 01:28:24,130 He's but a memory now for a select few. 1392 01:28:24,710 --> 01:28:30,130 But talk to one of those old timers, and they'll lean in and say one thing: 1393 01:28:31,130 --> 01:28:33,300 Ron Burgundy was the truth. 113231

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