Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:09,210
There are stories,
epic and grand stories,
2
00:00:09,380 --> 00:00:12,720
that are forever lost
in the sands of time,
3
00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:16,050
forgotten or changed by cruel kings
4
00:00:16,220 --> 00:00:19,100
who can hear only the whispers
of these lost legends.
5
00:00:19,260 --> 00:00:21,100
Right there, Scottie.
Take her down.
6
00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:26,020
Still, other tales
become too frightening
7
00:00:26,190 --> 00:00:29,480
for future generations
to impart to their young.
8
00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:32,400
But other stories are lost to us
9
00:00:32,570 --> 00:00:35,530
because they don't test well
with recruited audiences
10
00:00:35,700 --> 00:00:40,030
or because a movie is too long
and the story must be cut for time.
11
00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:43,830
This is one of those tales.
12
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:45,830
This is the chaff from the wheat,
13
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:47,670
the skim from the milk...
14
00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:52,300
...the pudding from
the all-you-can-eat lobster buffet,
15
00:00:52,460 --> 00:00:55,840
and the surgeon guy
from Prince and the Revolution.
16
00:00:57,970 --> 00:01:02,970
This is The Lost 00:01:10,110
Don't worry, San Diego, Daddy's here.
18
00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:20,740
- Hey, Ron Burgundy! You're the best!
- Looking good, San Diego.
19
00:01:20,910 --> 00:01:23,660
I just met Ron Burgundy,
and he gave me a cup!
20
00:01:24,660 --> 00:01:28,250
Hey, Ron Burgundy!
You should do story about me.
21
00:01:28,420 --> 00:01:30,420
You're a riot, Nikos.
22
00:01:34,590 --> 00:01:36,260
Hey, Ron. Bottoms up!
23
00:01:36,420 --> 00:01:38,380
Well, hello, booze.
24
00:01:43,390 --> 00:01:45,720
Peace, brother. I'm where you're at.
25
00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:49,190
Hey, I like that fanny.
26
00:01:49,350 --> 00:01:52,690
Oh, 00:01:59,450
Ron Burgundy was at the peak
of his power as an anchorman.
28
00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:01,780
I got you, Old Glory.
29
00:02:01,950 --> 00:02:03,780
Walking tall and sharing a desk
30
00:02:03,950 --> 00:02:06,620
with his beloved
Veronica Corningstone.
31
00:02:06,790 --> 00:02:09,290
Wait a minute,
who's that handsome devil?
32
00:02:10,830 --> 00:02:14,840
The city of San Diego
now had a king and a queen,
33
00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:18,470
and they ruled with a mighty
and sometimes sexy hand.
34
00:02:22,470 --> 00:02:24,810
Veronica, however,
had recently been nominated
35
00:02:24,970 --> 00:02:27,680
for a National Excellence
in Broadcasting Award
36
00:02:27,850 --> 00:02:29,480
and was out of town.
37
00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:33,650
For one night only,
it was just Ron and the boys.
38
00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:35,570
Champ, did you get lucky last night?
39
00:02:35,730 --> 00:02:37,900
No. Last night...
40
00:02:38,070 --> 00:02:41,450
Oh, I stayed home for a while,
drank about six bottles of white wine,
41
00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:44,660
pissed my pants,
so I drove down to 00:02:46,580
and shot some stray dogs.
43
00:02:46,740 --> 00:02:49,540
You know, pretty much
standard Tuesday night.
44
00:02:49,710 --> 00:02:53,420
Hey, you guys, what is that word?
45
00:02:53,590 --> 00:02:56,210
- "Because".
- Bee-cose...
46
00:02:56,380 --> 00:02:58,590
- Because. Because.
- Is that even a word?
47
00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:02,220
Alrighty, news team, whose drink
needs a freshening up? Anyone?
48
00:03:02,390 --> 00:03:05,390
Helen, I'll have a Beefeater
and tonic, hold the tonic.
49
00:03:09,020 --> 00:03:10,310
Ron!
50
00:03:11,100 --> 00:03:15,310
I know. I know I'm bad.
I've been a bad boy.
51
00:03:17,690 --> 00:03:20,610
I know, it's silly.
All right, gang, it's almost six.
52
00:03:20,780 --> 00:03:22,320
Let's do what we're paid to do.
53
00:03:29,620 --> 00:03:36,960
Unique New York.
54
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:43,510
A tarantula enjoys
a fine chewing gum.
55
00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:45,220
Chewing gum.
56
00:03:46,550 --> 00:03:48,720
Snoopy was stabbed by a spear.
57
00:03:48,890 --> 00:03:51,390
The Human Torch
was denied a bank loan.
58
00:03:53,310 --> 00:03:57,560
The arsonist has oddly-shaped feet.
The arsonist. The arsonist.
59
00:03:59,230 --> 00:04:00,400
Cue it.
60
00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:02,440
Ready, Phil.
61
00:04:09,910 --> 00:04:12,000
We're on in five, four...
62
00:04:17,380 --> 00:04:20,130
It's Channel 4 News at 6:00.
63
00:04:24,470 --> 00:04:27,180
Good evening. I'm Ron Burgundy,
and this is what's happening
64
00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:30,720
in your world tonight.
An international coalition of countries
65
00:04:30,890 --> 00:04:33,480
has banded together
to investigate and solve
66
00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:37,980
the mystery of the Bigfoot
once and for all.
67
00:04:38,150 --> 00:04:41,820
The conference held in 00:04:46,910
- from the United States...
- Ron Burgundy. Oh, boy.
69
00:04:47,070 --> 00:04:49,370
If I were only 30 years younger...
70
00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:53,120
By that, I mean I'd blow him.
71
00:04:53,290 --> 00:04:56,250
...with some interesting new
and shocking statistics
72
00:04:56,420 --> 00:04:58,670
out of Washington,
here's Brian Fantana
73
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,790
with a report you won't want to miss.
74
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:03,210
Tonight, I conclude
my five-part series
75
00:05:03,380 --> 00:05:05,550
on the evils of breast-feeding.
76
00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:09,340
So remember, let's leave
those ho-hos to us big kids, moms.
77
00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:12,810
Well, it looks like it's
gonna be another great weekend.
78
00:05:12,970 --> 00:05:15,810
Here to tell us about it
is Brick Tamland with weather. Brick?
79
00:05:15,980 --> 00:05:19,060
Now, it got all the way up to 97 degrees
80
00:05:19,230 --> 00:05:22,230
in some of the outlying areas today,
and that, my friend,
81
00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:26,110
is really, really hot.
And I always make the same plea
82
00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:28,240
every year at this time.
83
00:05:28,410 --> 00:05:31,910
If you've got pets and you're
going to leave them in the car
84
00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:34,830
in this kind of heat,
make sure they have a lot of chew toys,
85
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:38,250
and roll up the window,
so that heat doesn't get into the car.
86
00:05:38,420 --> 00:05:40,380
Lots going on
in the world of sports.
87
00:05:40,540 --> 00:05:43,170
Champ Kind is gonna let us know
what's going down.
88
00:05:43,340 --> 00:05:47,510
Big night for the Padres finishing up
a three-game series with the Dodgers.
89
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:49,300
They lost the game 4-2.
90
00:05:49,470 --> 00:05:53,430
Here's the pitch, a curveball, what
happens? I'll tell you what happens.
91
00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:55,520
And... whammy!
92
00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:57,980
Dave Winfield takes Burt Hooten deep.
93
00:05:58,850 --> 00:06:00,350
Box seven, let's ready three.
94
00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:03,400
Here at Channel 4 News,
I'm Champ Kind. Back to you, Ron.
95
00:06:03,570 --> 00:06:06,740
There was a special addition today
at the San Diego Zoo
96
00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:11,740
as Linda the giraffe gave birth
to a 42-pound baby boy.
97
00:06:11,910 --> 00:06:16,450
Officials at the zoo say the baby
giraffe will be named Freedom.
98
00:06:16,620 --> 00:06:19,410
Looks like the Clippers
might have themselves a new center.
99
00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:21,120
00:06:25,670
For all of us here at News Center 4,
101
00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:29,050
I'm Ron Burgundy.
You stay classy, San Diego.
102
00:06:31,970 --> 00:06:33,430
All clear.
103
00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:36,390
Ron Burgundy scores.
104
00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:37,970
You're my boy.
105
00:06:38,140 --> 00:06:40,230
Hey, Ron, Deacon Charlie,
106
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,150
the weather man over at Channel 2
News, is having a pool party.
107
00:06:43,310 --> 00:06:44,980
Every anchor in town
is gonna be there.
108
00:06:45,150 --> 00:06:48,400
Well, I think it's time
to show the fine gals of this city
109
00:06:48,570 --> 00:06:50,530
what a number-one rated
news team looks like.
110
00:06:53,910 --> 00:06:54,910
News team!
111
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:10,840
And with Veronica gone
and another broadcast done,
112
00:07:11,010 --> 00:07:15,430
it was time to do one thing:
socialize... hard.
113
00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:22,140
I couldn't do that. I couldn't do that.
114
00:07:23,350 --> 00:07:27,940
- Hey, Ron, know what Chlamydia is?
- No, but it sounds like fun.
115
00:07:28,110 --> 00:07:29,900
- Hey, Ron.
- Garth. How's the divorce?
116
00:07:30,070 --> 00:07:31,820
Not good. 00:07:35,370
I don't have time. You done with that?
I think you are now.
118
00:07:35,740 --> 00:07:39,660
Well, hello, Pete.
You look good. So do you.
119
00:07:39,830 --> 00:07:41,500
Konnichiwa.
120
00:07:41,660 --> 00:07:44,670
- Cannonball!
- Hey, everyone!
121
00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:49,170
Orgy!
122
00:07:57,390 --> 00:08:02,140
Sorry, I misread the vibe.
Just go back to what you were doing.
123
00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:10,030
Everybody get down!
124
00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:12,860
This is a robbery!
We are The Alarm Clock!
125
00:08:13,030 --> 00:08:14,280
Ring, ring, ring.
126
00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:19,580
- It all begins today!
- Heroes get blasted!
127
00:08:19,740 --> 00:08:22,910
Shoot, I'm havin' a good time!
This is a party! Come on!
128
00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:27,000
It's a revolutionary sure shot.
We're taking it all back.
129
00:08:27,170 --> 00:08:30,420
Y'all better wake up,
'cause The Alarm Clock's ringin'.
130
00:08:30,590 --> 00:08:32,590
Ding-a-ling-a-ding-ding-dong!
131
00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:35,130
You've got a real reason to be afraid!
132
00:08:35,590 --> 00:08:36,590
Hurry up!
133
00:08:38,890 --> 00:08:42,060
We are liberating this money
so that the truth can be set free,
134
00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:45,810
and the people of this city
can wake up! Dig it!
135
00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:52,070
We are The Alarm Clock!
136
00:09:00,330 --> 00:09:05,290
Oh, that was one crazy party.
I feel awful.
137
00:09:05,830 --> 00:09:09,130
I had about 70 beers. I mean, literally.
138
00:09:09,670 --> 00:09:12,670
I ate a whole bunch
of fiberglass insulation.
139
00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:16,130
It wasn't cotton candy
like that guy said.
140
00:09:16,300 --> 00:09:17,300
00:09:22,640
I woke up this morning,
and I shit a squirrel.
142
00:09:22,810 --> 00:09:24,890
The hell of it is,
the thing was still alive.
143
00:09:25,060 --> 00:09:27,940
So now I got
this shit-covered squirrel
144
00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:30,900
down there in my office,
don't know what to name it.
145
00:09:31,860 --> 00:09:33,480
You should name him Shawn.
146
00:09:33,650 --> 00:09:36,570
All right, guys, let's focus up.
147
00:09:36,740 --> 00:09:41,530
00:09:45,580
The radical protest group
called The Alarm Clock
149
00:09:45,750 --> 00:09:48,080
robbed their third bank this morning.
150
00:09:48,250 --> 00:09:51,080
Let's keep on top of this story.
If it gets any bigger,
151
00:09:51,250 --> 00:09:53,170
the network could need coverage.
152
00:09:53,340 --> 00:09:56,210
Veronica had gone straight
from the airport to the newsroom...
153
00:09:56,380 --> 00:09:58,630
- Hello.
- ...and Ron's heart nearly leapt
154
00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:02,430
out of his chest when he saw
his sweet, sweet lady.
155
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:06,100
Oh, Ron, you are a big deal.
156
00:10:06,270 --> 00:10:09,270
Take me. Take me right now
on this conference table.
157
00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:12,150
It's jazz. It's jazz, baby!
158
00:10:15,860 --> 00:10:19,030
- Ron, control yourself!
- Not with the lights on!
159
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:20,990
Let's make a baby!
160
00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:23,330
This feels sexy!
161
00:10:24,870 --> 00:10:26,490
I am engorged!
162
00:10:27,290 --> 00:10:31,830
- He's like an unleashed animal, run!
- Put it back in!
163
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:35,590
No, no, he didn't mean that!
Take it out!
164
00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:41,010
But even in the midst
of this supposed bliss,
165
00:10:41,180 --> 00:10:44,180
trouble can step forward and say,
166
00:10:44,350 --> 00:10:46,140
"Hey! Don't forget about me."
167
00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:50,560
- Look at this.
- Yeah.
168
00:10:50,730 --> 00:10:54,980
00:10:57,570
We got enough bread
to arm the people, feed the people,
170
00:10:57,740 --> 00:10:59,900
get people riotous in the streets.
171
00:11:00,070 --> 00:11:02,200
Know what we should do
with this money?
172
00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:05,240
I think we should buy
a big bag of grass.
173
00:11:05,410 --> 00:11:07,040
What about the revolution?
174
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:11,160
Our mission is clearly stated
in the manifesto.
175
00:11:11,330 --> 00:11:15,960
- Where the hell is that manifesto, man?
- I am writing the manifesto.
176
00:11:16,130 --> 00:11:19,090
I'm beginning to start to think
you just here for the...
177
00:11:19,260 --> 00:11:21,220
You wanna know what our cause is?
178
00:11:21,380 --> 00:11:22,550
Yeah, we wanna know.
179
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:27,260
The group was at a crucial juncture.
180
00:11:27,430 --> 00:11:30,560
For months, Paul had
put off writing the manifesto
181
00:11:30,730 --> 00:11:33,600
by smoking skunk-weed
and jacking banks.
182
00:11:33,770 --> 00:11:36,400
But now it was time
to state the message
183
00:11:36,570 --> 00:11:40,780
or lose his hold on this band
of dropouts and outsiders.
184
00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:42,950
The TV! That's right!
185
00:11:43,110 --> 00:11:44,490
The TV!
186
00:11:46,030 --> 00:11:48,910
This... this propaganda box,
187
00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:51,330
if we don't control
this propaganda box...
188
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:55,790
...the man will always
control our minds
189
00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:57,630
and the minds of the people.
190
00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,960
Just look at some
of the lies they're telling.
191
00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:05,470
Oh, hello.
192
00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:08,140
I'm beloved anchor Ron Burgundy.
193
00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:11,270
You know, lately I'm hearing
all this talk about kids
194
00:12:11,430 --> 00:12:14,390
smoking pot,
or marijuana, reefer.
195
00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:17,230
Hey, what's the deal with that?
196
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:21,150
What happened to just getting high
on good old clean life?
197
00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:24,030
00:12:28,450
or sitting underneath a waterfall,
enjoying a big glass of Scotch,
199
00:12:28,620 --> 00:12:32,330
or enjoying a pack of cigarettes
on a hot summer day.
200
00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:34,460
What happened
to those simple pleasures?
201
00:12:34,620 --> 00:12:37,330
Did they die with the dinosaurs
and the tyrannus rex?
202
00:12:38,630 --> 00:12:40,840
In my book, they didn't.
203
00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:42,340
And there's only one book:
204
00:12:42,510 --> 00:12:44,380
That's the Bible.
205
00:12:44,550 --> 00:12:47,180
So give it a read
when you got a chance.
206
00:12:47,340 --> 00:12:50,350
Hey, last time I checked,
Bibles were in libraries.
207
00:12:51,390 --> 00:12:52,720
Hey, good night.
208
00:12:52,890 --> 00:12:55,190
The following has been
a public service announcement...
209
00:12:55,350 --> 00:12:58,860
- Listen to this shit!
- That Ron Burgundy is the devil.
210
00:12:59,020 --> 00:13:00,610
We gotta take back the airwaves!
211
00:13:00,770 --> 00:13:03,940
I'm telling you, Ron Burgundy, he don't
know the hell that's awaitin' him.
212
00:13:04,820 --> 00:13:07,700
But he sure is handsome.
213
00:13:09,370 --> 00:13:10,370
Frame up two.
214
00:13:11,490 --> 00:13:13,290
Give me a tighter one on two.
215
00:13:13,450 --> 00:13:15,250
Good evening,
I'm Ron Burgundy.
216
00:13:15,410 --> 00:13:18,170
Here's what's going on
in your world, San Diego.
217
00:13:18,330 --> 00:13:22,380
The group of bank-robbing radicals
who call themselves The Alarm Clock
218
00:13:22,550 --> 00:13:27,260
have struck yet again. Let's go
to Brian Fantana who's live on the scene
219
00:13:27,430 --> 00:13:30,720
with a Channel 4
News exclusive. Brian?
220
00:13:30,890 --> 00:13:34,970
Police are baffled by this string
of politically-motivated robberies.
221
00:13:35,140 --> 00:13:37,100
They have little evidence and few leads.
222
00:13:37,270 --> 00:13:40,810
- All they can do is sit and wait...
- What is that stench?!
223
00:13:40,980 --> 00:13:43,690
Smells like a biker threw up
on a pile of rotten shrimp.
224
00:13:43,860 --> 00:13:46,950
Hey, jag-off, why don't you
keep it down? I'm on TV.
225
00:13:49,570 --> 00:13:51,030
Back to you, Ron.
226
00:13:51,910 --> 00:13:54,080
Which proves yet again
that even a blind man
227
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:56,160
and his pet Japanese devil owl
228
00:13:56,330 --> 00:13:59,420
can find true happiness
in this world we live in.
229
00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:05,130
Let me take a moment here,
230
00:14:05,300 --> 00:14:07,300
just to collect...
231
00:14:10,260 --> 00:14:13,970
A story like that makes this job hard
and great all at the same time.
232
00:14:18,100 --> 00:14:22,270
A lot of emotion right now.
A lot of emotion.
233
00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:30,070
Well... that's gonna do it
for all of us here at Channel 4 News...
234
00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:34,080
God, I'm still shook up.
I'm still shook up.
235
00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:37,200
That's gonna do it
for all of us here at Channel 4 News.
236
00:14:37,370 --> 00:14:40,920
I'm Ron Burgundy.
You stay classy, San Diego.
237
00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:52,050
What's that?
238
00:14:53,470 --> 00:14:55,970
Just a little song I heard,
made me think of a special lady
239
00:14:56,140 --> 00:14:58,470
that I happen to be
driving with right now.
240
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:22,500
Ron, it's making me very nervous
that you're not looking at the road.
241
00:15:22,670 --> 00:15:27,550
Don't worry. I know these streets
like the back of my hand.
242
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:35,680
00:15:38,350
...get killed!
244
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:42,980
- It's really making me very nervous.
- This is a Pontiac Catalina.
245
00:15:43,150 --> 00:15:45,440
It really handles well
on the open road.
246
00:15:45,610 --> 00:15:47,770
00:15:53,280
Hold on. All right.
248
00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:57,490
You have captivating eyes,
249
00:15:57,660 --> 00:16:00,330
like a...
like a unicorn or a princess.
250
00:16:02,710 --> 00:16:04,670
Has anyone ever told you that?
251
00:16:04,830 --> 00:16:08,170
No. Thank you.
252
00:16:08,340 --> 00:16:10,510
I've never crashed...
253
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:14,880
...this month.
And earlier last year...
254
00:16:15,050 --> 00:16:17,220
There's a Spanish family
that's trying to cross the road...
255
00:16:17,390 --> 00:16:19,640
No, I know, the Rodriguez family.
256
00:16:21,980 --> 00:16:25,400
Do you like Thai food? You should
look at that place over there.
257
00:16:28,770 --> 00:16:31,360
And if you're looking
for a good supermarket,
258
00:16:33,070 --> 00:16:34,530
that place is not bad.
259
00:16:40,490 --> 00:16:41,990
Oh, my God.
260
00:16:44,500 --> 00:16:48,130
- How do you do that?
- It's OK, we're almost there.
261
00:16:51,090 --> 00:16:53,300
Let me just parallel park here.
262
00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:09,020
There you have it.
263
00:17:12,780 --> 00:17:14,280
Oh, my.
264
00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:17,240
- What a beautiful view, 00:17:21,950
It always takes my breath away.
266
00:17:23,910 --> 00:17:25,910
Over there is
the San Diego Observatory.
267
00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:29,040
It's on the highest point of the city.
268
00:17:29,210 --> 00:17:32,590
I've always had a dream
of doing a broadcast from there.
269
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,960
Bouncing a telecast
270
00:17:35,130 --> 00:17:38,630
off the planets and the stars,
through the 00:17:41,350
and onto Jupiter's arrow.
272
00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:47,440
Broadcasting...
273
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,900
...with the gods, I like to call it.
274
00:17:50,060 --> 00:17:54,110
Reaching people
for hundreds and millions of miles.
275
00:17:55,650 --> 00:17:57,530
So is this where
Ron Burgundy goes
276
00:17:57,700 --> 00:18:00,990
when he's tired of being
San Diego's number-one anchorman?
277
00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:03,830
You are a firecracker.
278
00:18:11,170 --> 00:18:13,130
How is everyone?
Good to see you.
279
00:18:14,340 --> 00:18:18,130
So here it is.
00:18:22,050
- Like I said, it's not much...
- Oh, no, to the contrary,
281
00:18:22,220 --> 00:18:25,220
- it's charming and colorful.
- Good.
282
00:18:25,390 --> 00:18:26,520
- 00:18:30,390
Because of the story you did
last year about delinquent landlords,
284
00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:33,730
- we had heat for Christmas.
- That was October 11th,
285
00:18:33,900 --> 00:18:37,780
Tuesday night, I was wearing
a red tie with white speckles...
286
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:39,150
Are you Paula Tran?
287
00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:42,240
You are a national treasure,
00:18:45,700
Thank you. We'll try to get you
air conditioning this summer.
289
00:18:47,540 --> 00:18:48,790
Take care.
290
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:50,710
This city really seems to love you.
291
00:18:50,870 --> 00:18:53,130
Well, it's like having
one million children,
292
00:18:53,290 --> 00:18:55,340
seven percent of which
are predominantly Asian.
293
00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:59,050
Meanwhile, as Ron and Veronica's
romance blossomed,
294
00:18:59,220 --> 00:19:02,930
the team found themselves
even more alone...
295
00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:04,550
...and confused.
296
00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:11,060
I saw the funniest thing the other day.
It was this balloon,
297
00:19:11,230 --> 00:19:13,560
and it was just popping around
on this string.
298
00:19:13,730 --> 00:19:17,110
I would hit it with my hand,
it would just keep popping back up.
299
00:19:18,820 --> 00:19:20,360
You guys would have loved it.
300
00:19:25,410 --> 00:19:27,240
Let's do something. I'm bored.
301
00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:30,370
Hey, I got an idea.
302
00:19:30,540 --> 00:19:33,000
Let's tear up the Channel 9
News teams' lawn, huh?
303
00:19:33,170 --> 00:19:36,130
Whammy? Huh? Whammy.
304
00:19:37,670 --> 00:19:39,630
Why the hell not?
305
00:19:53,940 --> 00:19:55,650
Hell's bells, not again!
306
00:19:56,480 --> 00:20:00,230
You sons of bitches!
That's the fifth time this month!
307
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:03,320
I'm getting tired of it.
I was in Korea!
308
00:20:03,490 --> 00:20:04,950
I miss Ron.
309
00:20:10,290 --> 00:20:13,500
You know, I have an admission
to make, 00:20:15,830
When we first met, I...
I thought that you
311
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:20,300
were just like every other anchor.
But... you're not.
312
00:20:22,130 --> 00:20:24,300
God, I was
so tongue-tied that night. I...
313
00:20:25,470 --> 00:20:28,140
I kept wishing there
was a TelePrompTer for life.
314
00:20:30,470 --> 00:20:32,480
It's ridiculous to think about now.
315
00:20:39,270 --> 00:20:41,030
What about you, Veronica?
316
00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:45,820
What are your hopes?
What are your dreams?
317
00:20:45,990 --> 00:20:48,620
- What are your passions?
- Well,
318
00:20:48,780 --> 00:20:53,040
believe it or not,
we share the same dream.
319
00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:57,040
I, too, want to be a network anchor.
320
00:20:58,630 --> 00:21:02,170
Boy!
And I'd like to be king of Australia.
321
00:21:02,340 --> 00:21:04,510
Seriously, you sound
like an insane person.
322
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:06,720
No, I'm very serious, 00:21:09,680
You see, I've always been
324
00:21:09,850 --> 00:21:13,600
cursed with a talent
for pursuits usually dominated by men.
325
00:21:14,690 --> 00:21:17,100
When I was a little girl,
instead of playing house,
326
00:21:17,270 --> 00:21:20,060
I would play drill sergeant or butcher.
327
00:21:21,820 --> 00:21:24,530
Later on in high school, instead
of trying out for cheerleading,
328
00:21:24,700 --> 00:21:26,610
I was president
of the bow-hunting club.
329
00:21:28,490 --> 00:21:32,280
One morning, I read
the announcements over the PA,
330
00:21:33,540 --> 00:21:36,710
just the sound of my voice,
331
00:21:36,870 --> 00:21:41,090
so powerful,
commanding all of those students,
332
00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:43,960
grabbing their attention, I just...
333
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:47,470
I knew I had but one destiny,
334
00:21:47,630 --> 00:21:49,720
and that was to be
the first female anchor.
335
00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:54,520
Yes, the road has been lonely, and...
336
00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:58,940
...difficult... and lonely.
337
00:22:00,940 --> 00:22:03,150
You are electric.
338
00:22:07,780 --> 00:22:11,160
Now, Ron, friend to friend,
339
00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:13,950
sounds to me like you
better just be careful.
340
00:22:14,120 --> 00:22:16,290
Just take some caution
with this 'cause...
341
00:22:17,540 --> 00:22:20,370
...you're really making a lot of us
feel uneasy with this type of talk.
342
00:22:21,250 --> 00:22:25,960
Well, this morning, when I woke up,
343
00:22:26,130 --> 00:22:28,380
and I saw Veronica
lying there next to me,
344
00:22:29,890 --> 00:22:32,510
for a split second,
345
00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:35,600
I actually cared about someone
more than Ron Burgundy.
346
00:22:35,770 --> 00:22:38,560
That doesn't make any sense!
347
00:22:38,730 --> 00:22:41,350
You're you,
she's a whole different person.
348
00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:44,480
You care about her? That's just crazy.
349
00:22:45,230 --> 00:22:48,860
Well, if love is a form of madness,
then lock me up
350
00:22:49,030 --> 00:22:51,740
and throw away the key.
351
00:22:57,950 --> 00:22:59,330
Hey, gang!
352
00:23:00,750 --> 00:23:02,500
Papa's home!
353
00:23:03,500 --> 00:23:07,300
Oh, honey, I am so glad you're home.
354
00:23:08,050 --> 00:23:10,090
00:23:14,300
Gentlemen, you look great.
356
00:23:14,470 --> 00:23:15,760
No eye contact!
357
00:23:20,270 --> 00:23:22,940
Oh, darling, oh!
358
00:23:23,110 --> 00:23:27,320
I've spent all day cleaning your Emmys
and preparing dinner in the nude.
359
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:29,280
Oh, let's make whoopee.
360
00:23:31,490 --> 00:23:33,450
You are a bad boy!
361
00:23:33,620 --> 00:23:35,950
I'm bad! I need to go
to the principal's office.
362
00:23:36,120 --> 00:23:37,450
I love my life!
363
00:23:38,370 --> 00:23:40,250
You take that back right now, Ron.
364
00:23:41,210 --> 00:23:43,830
Or you tell me right now that
you're under some kind of spell
365
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:46,090
or witchcraft
or got bit by a horrible bug.
366
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:49,170
- That's crazy!
- So where is Veronma...
367
00:23:49,340 --> 00:23:53,550
- Veronamaca now?
- She's off to go do her first story,
368
00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:55,550
The Feline Fashion Show.
369
00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:58,810
I hope she can handle it.
This is big time.
370
00:23:58,970 --> 00:24:03,390
Oh, next we have a popular favorite,
the bride and the pirate.
371
00:24:04,150 --> 00:24:07,860
Yes, it's time for a pirate wedding,
enacted by cats.
372
00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:14,200
And now here's Felinus 00:24:18,080
All right, let's just do my sign-off
and get out of here.
374
00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:22,160
Hello, my name is Paul.
This is so cool, what you do.
375
00:24:22,330 --> 00:24:25,210
00:24:28,170
I'm about to broadcast,
so if you'll excuse me, please.
377
00:24:28,340 --> 00:24:30,380
I noticed cables.
They go into your van.
378
00:24:30,550 --> 00:24:32,720
I almost tripped and broke my leg.
379
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:35,590
If anybody gets a van like that,
can they broadcast news?
380
00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:37,510
We're about to go live in 20 seconds.
381
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:40,060
- You're gonna have to move.
- Hey, I can dig it.
382
00:24:40,220 --> 00:24:43,350
You've gotta let the truth ring out,
wake up all the squares
383
00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:46,060
in this city of lies.
How about that Orange Julius?
384
00:24:46,230 --> 00:24:48,230
Get the hell away from me
before I kick you!
385
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:50,820
And we're on in three...
386
00:24:52,110 --> 00:24:54,610
It was quite a show down here
at the Pet Shack.
387
00:24:54,780 --> 00:24:59,280
And just for today,
fashion curiosity did not kill the cat.
388
00:24:59,450 --> 00:25:01,990
It made him look "purr-fect".
389
00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:05,250
From the Pet Shack in Fulton,
I'm Veronica Corningstone
390
00:25:05,420 --> 00:25:06,710
for Channel 4 News.
391
00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:10,750
Nice story. That, of course,
was Veronica Corningstone.
392
00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:14,760
I'd also like to share with you
that currently we are dating.
393
00:25:14,930 --> 00:25:17,840
I have to tell you,
she's a creative partner in the bedroom.
394
00:25:18,010 --> 00:25:20,180
She did this one thing
on Tuesday night
395
00:25:20,350 --> 00:25:23,220
that involved a Hula-Hoop
and a lasso
396
00:25:23,390 --> 00:25:25,560
- and an ice-cream scooper.
- Ron!
397
00:25:25,730 --> 00:25:29,020
What? Well, that's going
to do it for all of us here at 6:00.
398
00:25:29,190 --> 00:25:31,940
For the Channel 4 News team,
I'm Ron Burgundy.
399
00:25:32,110 --> 00:25:33,860
You stay classy, San Diego.
400
00:25:34,030 --> 00:25:37,780
Oh, that's good.
That's just good.
401
00:25:37,950 --> 00:25:39,950
You're not eating your food.
402
00:25:40,120 --> 00:25:42,280
Oh, you stupid, stupid man!
403
00:25:42,450 --> 00:25:45,120
I can't believe that you said
that we were dating on the air, Ron!
404
00:25:45,290 --> 00:25:49,290
- I thought you would like it!
- Don't you get it, Ron?
405
00:25:50,130 --> 00:25:53,710
Well, I doubt anyone heard it.
I said it very fast.
406
00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:56,470
- I think people...
- Hey, you two.
407
00:25:56,630 --> 00:25:59,470
- Congrats on getting it on.
- Thank you, it is remarkable.
408
00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:01,800
Yeah. I bet you're both
great in the sack.
409
00:26:01,970 --> 00:26:04,640
Let's just say we get the job done.
410
00:26:04,810 --> 00:26:07,600
This little lady here,
she knows how to handle herself.
411
00:26:07,770 --> 00:26:09,600
- Yeah.
- OK.
412
00:26:09,770 --> 00:26:13,440
- Are you both athletic?
- You know, I have a bad back.
413
00:26:13,610 --> 00:26:15,900
Bad lower back,
so I have to watch out for that.
414
00:26:16,070 --> 00:26:18,610
Other than that, I will
do some things in the bedroom
415
00:26:18,780 --> 00:26:21,030
- that'll blow your mind.
- Ron!
416
00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:24,240
Yeah, hey, enjoy your meal.
417
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:27,620
That was very nice.
418
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:34,090
I'm sorry, Veronica. I... I truly am!
419
00:26:34,250 --> 00:26:37,970
I don't know what to say.
I just... I got excited.
420
00:26:39,300 --> 00:26:41,340
Look, I report the news,
that's what I do.
421
00:26:41,510 --> 00:26:44,390
And today's top story
422
00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:48,020
in Ron Burgundy's world
read something like this:
423
00:26:48,180 --> 00:26:50,640
"I love Veronica Corningstone."
424
00:26:54,900 --> 00:26:56,690
Oh, Ron!
425
00:26:58,070 --> 00:27:00,400
Are you two about to get it on?
426
00:27:00,570 --> 00:27:02,610
Oh, no, no.
Not right now, maybe later.
427
00:27:02,780 --> 00:27:05,990
- OK, stop answering him.
- I'm just trying to be polite.
428
00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:11,580
'Cause getting it on's
a beautiful thing, you know. Hi, hi!
429
00:27:11,750 --> 00:27:15,840
Geoff Grendon. I didn't introduce
myself. Geoff. E-O-double F.
430
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:18,840
- Geoff Grendon.
- If you all need photos.
431
00:27:19,010 --> 00:27:21,680
- If you need wedding photography.
- Great.
432
00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:23,510
Or boudoir photography.
433
00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:26,470
I'd love to write that down.
I don't have a pen...
434
00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:29,100
- You're being inappropriate.
- Yeah, hey...
435
00:27:29,930 --> 00:27:31,520
Do y'all need more cheese? I can...
436
00:27:31,690 --> 00:27:35,270
Honey, can I have your napkin
to write down Geoff's name?
437
00:27:35,440 --> 00:27:37,400
- G-E-O-F-F...
- G...
438
00:27:37,570 --> 00:27:39,940
- G-E-O-F-F, Grendon.
- Grendon.
439
00:27:40,780 --> 00:27:44,280
Well, I understand, 00:27:47,410
and I would prefer if you didn't refer
to him as "a dirty little animal".
441
00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:50,080
Well, OK, if that makes you feel happy.
442
00:27:50,250 --> 00:27:53,080
But let me say
I really feel that Chris is at a point
443
00:27:53,250 --> 00:27:56,420
that he's ready to turn
everything around.
444
00:27:56,590 --> 00:27:57,750
What's that?
445
00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:01,090
You don't? Well, fair enough.
But let me just say...
446
00:28:02,380 --> 00:28:03,550
Let me just...
447
00:28:04,590 --> 00:28:06,760
Let me... OK.
448
00:28:06,930 --> 00:28:09,600
All right, well, thanks for listening
to my side of it anyway, sir.
449
00:28:09,770 --> 00:28:11,600
You have a nice day. Goodbye.
450
00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:15,270
I could come back later, 00:28:17,650
No, no, it's just parent stuff.
452
00:28:18,610 --> 00:28:21,400
It seems that our youngest, Chris,
453
00:28:21,570 --> 00:28:24,200
was joyriding with a sheet
of acid and a spear gun.
454
00:28:24,360 --> 00:28:27,370
Anywho, what can I do you for?
455
00:28:27,530 --> 00:28:29,740
I wanna investigate The Alarm Clock.
456
00:28:29,910 --> 00:28:33,960
A source of mine at the FBI says that
they are planning a citywide disruption.
457
00:28:34,120 --> 00:28:37,460
Take a shot at the meat loaf story,
and we'll see how that goes.
458
00:28:37,630 --> 00:28:39,380
Well, what if I refuse?
459
00:28:39,550 --> 00:28:42,340
Well, then you'll probably be fired.
460
00:28:42,510 --> 00:28:44,510
Garth, let me handle this.
461
00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:46,930
I'd probably have
to fire you, sweet-pants.
462
00:28:47,100 --> 00:28:51,640
Well, then I would sue you, sir,
for sexual harassment.
463
00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:55,270
I like the sound of that.
464
00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:58,690
Sexual her-ass-ment.
465
00:28:59,360 --> 00:29:02,820
Oh, 00:29:05,780
"You have a lot to learn about
a professional work environment."
467
00:29:05,950 --> 00:29:07,910
That is very immature
and counterproductive.
468
00:29:08,070 --> 00:29:10,620
"That is very immature
and counterproductive."
469
00:29:10,790 --> 00:29:12,910
- Stop it. Stop it!
- "Stop it. Stop it."
470
00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:14,200
- Stop it!
- "Stop it."
471
00:29:14,370 --> 00:29:17,000
Nobody has done that
to me since I was in the sixth grade.
472
00:29:17,170 --> 00:29:19,840
"No one has done that
to me since I was in the sixth grade."
473
00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:21,840
Screw you, Harken!
474
00:29:22,010 --> 00:29:23,800
Wait, are you coming on to me?
475
00:29:23,970 --> 00:29:27,430
Because if you are, I am interested!
476
00:29:27,590 --> 00:29:30,970
Veronica was doing
extremely well as Ron's co-anchor,
477
00:29:31,140 --> 00:29:33,470
some would even say too well.
478
00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:37,270
Veronica continued
to win awards and garner praise.
479
00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:40,230
Ron's ego finally gave.
480
00:29:41,860 --> 00:29:45,860
He would love Veronica, he would
even share a news desk with her,
481
00:29:46,030 --> 00:29:48,700
but he would not be outshone by her.
482
00:29:48,870 --> 00:29:51,160
She's got to be stopped.
483
00:29:51,330 --> 00:29:54,540
- This has gone too far.
- I will not be a co-anchor.
484
00:29:54,700 --> 00:29:56,710
Ron Burgundy is a lead anchor.
485
00:29:56,870 --> 00:30:00,750
- She's writing her own stories.
- Her own stories, Ron.
486
00:30:02,380 --> 00:30:05,210
Not to mention what this is doing
to your chances of going to network.
487
00:30:06,970 --> 00:30:11,260
It's good to have you back. That female
messed with your head big-time.
488
00:30:11,430 --> 00:30:13,970
- I like Ron.
- Thank you, Brick.
489
00:30:15,180 --> 00:30:18,980
Remember that fairy that
was supposed to do financial reports?
490
00:30:19,150 --> 00:30:21,980
Oh, yeah, we were
51 percent sure he was gay.
491
00:30:22,150 --> 00:30:25,940
He was gay, all right. I made out
with him at the Christmas party.
492
00:30:26,740 --> 00:30:29,200
- What?
- Nothing.
493
00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:32,070
I say we run Corningstone out
like we did that girlie-boy.
494
00:30:32,240 --> 00:30:33,620
Well, I'm in.
495
00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:38,290
So, it's settled.
We declare war on Corningstone.
496
00:30:39,290 --> 00:30:41,630
By the way, Brick,
what is that you're eating?
497
00:30:41,790 --> 00:30:44,750
Oh, it's one of those
498
00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:48,840
delicious falafel hot dogs
with cinnamon and bacon on top.
499
00:30:49,010 --> 00:30:52,470
What do you mean "one of those"?
Those don't exist.
500
00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:55,680
That's a used coffee filter
with cigarette butts on it.
501
00:30:57,810 --> 00:31:01,440
Well, I got it out of the food basket
at the end of the lunch line.
502
00:31:03,570 --> 00:31:05,070
That's the garbage can.
503
00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:12,360
Although with the cooking at this place,
there's not much difference. Whammy.
504
00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:21,870
Oh, that is true.
I didn't see that coming.
505
00:31:22,750 --> 00:31:25,960
An astute observation
has led to laughter.
506
00:31:27,300 --> 00:31:29,720
We are laughing.
507
00:31:36,890 --> 00:31:40,640
And it is continuing,
and then slowing down a little,
508
00:31:40,810 --> 00:31:44,520
- but there's still a good spirit...
- Yeah, we got it, Ron.
509
00:31:44,690 --> 00:31:47,150
It's getting less.
There's a little chuckle,
510
00:31:47,820 --> 00:31:49,940
and it's done.
511
00:31:50,110 --> 00:31:52,110
You really wreck moments
when you do that, Ron.
512
00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:57,910
Brick, please.
You're really gonna get sick.
513
00:32:00,580 --> 00:32:04,120
The Coast Guard
was unavailable for comment.
514
00:32:04,290 --> 00:32:07,920
- Veronica?
- A North Oregon man has come forward
515
00:32:08,090 --> 00:32:10,210
with an antique sword
he found in his basement.
516
00:32:10,380 --> 00:32:13,590
The sword itself belonged to Christopher
Columbus and may be worth $200, 000.
517
00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:17,300
The man said he would keep his job
as a car wash attendant. Ron?
518
00:32:22,270 --> 00:32:25,350
The... San Diego Padres
519
00:32:26,060 --> 00:32:28,400
flew to Cincinnati.
520
00:32:30,230 --> 00:32:31,570
Veronica Corningstone.
521
00:32:31,740 --> 00:32:34,820
- Is this Veronica Corningstone?
- Yes, it is.
522
00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:39,080
Did you order... ten pizzas?
523
00:32:39,870 --> 00:32:41,910
- No, I did not.
- Well...
524
00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:45,750
...you got nice boobies.
525
00:32:46,580 --> 00:32:47,830
Excuse me?
526
00:32:51,260 --> 00:32:52,380
This is pathetic, Ron.
527
00:32:54,510 --> 00:32:55,800
What are you doing, Ron?
528
00:33:02,730 --> 00:33:04,230
She can see us.
529
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:09,150
Damn these blinds,
I never figured them out.
530
00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:14,240
Lasers are becoming more and more
a part of our daily lives.
531
00:33:14,990 --> 00:33:17,410
And now here's Champ Kind with sports.
532
00:33:17,570 --> 00:33:20,200
Boy, you seem
kind of weird tonight, honey.
533
00:33:20,370 --> 00:33:23,830
It must be that time of the month.
Whammy!
534
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:26,920
Padres looking at
a double header today...
535
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:29,210
I'm just curious, Champ,
do you even know
536
00:33:29,380 --> 00:33:32,250
what the expression
"that time of the month" means?
537
00:33:34,670 --> 00:33:35,720
Sure, I do.
538
00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:40,180
It's when the bones in a lady...
539
00:33:41,430 --> 00:33:43,100
...lady's boobs, they get sore.
540
00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:52,320
Because of the... the vaginalistic
cells are... expanding.
541
00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:55,940
Whammy. Help.
542
00:33:58,280 --> 00:33:59,660
I'll tell you...
543
00:33:59,820 --> 00:34:03,030
You girls, you talk about it
a lot and you...
544
00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:05,620
I know this, I know... I know...
545
00:34:06,790 --> 00:34:08,870
It's your little friend,
546
00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:11,330
and then, you gotta wear...
547
00:34:12,300 --> 00:34:13,300
...protection.
548
00:34:14,510 --> 00:34:19,510
And then, the belly button
is inflamed and...
549
00:34:21,930 --> 00:34:23,970
And then engorging of the...
550
00:34:25,810 --> 00:34:29,640
- ...fah-la-cule. Yeah.
- "Fallacule".
551
00:34:29,810 --> 00:34:31,230
You might wanna
write that down, honey.
552
00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:33,650
- Oh, I am.
- Little lesson tonight.
553
00:34:33,820 --> 00:34:36,530
You didn't know you were dealing
with the science desk, probably there.
554
00:34:37,990 --> 00:34:42,740
And then... nine months later
is the miracle of life. Whammy, huh?
555
00:34:45,750 --> 00:34:47,450
Thank... thank you, Champ.
556
00:34:47,620 --> 00:34:50,000
That will do it for sports.
Back to you, Ron.
557
00:34:50,170 --> 00:34:54,670
Well, that was Champ Kind
with a very informative sports report.
558
00:34:54,840 --> 00:34:56,630
OK, it's ringing, it's ringing.
559
00:34:56,800 --> 00:34:59,760
- It's ringing.
- Here she comes, here she comes.
560
00:34:59,930 --> 00:35:01,380
- Pick it up.
- Pick it up!
561
00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:04,850
Veronica Cor...
562
00:35:09,020 --> 00:35:10,060
Hello, Veronica.
563
00:35:13,270 --> 00:35:15,190
Oh, Ron!
564
00:35:19,700 --> 00:35:22,860
Really stupid, boys! Really stupid!
565
00:35:24,490 --> 00:35:25,950
Oh, you got her.
566
00:35:36,670 --> 00:35:39,300
Everybody, get down, this is a robbery!
567
00:35:41,550 --> 00:35:43,890
We are The Alarm Clock!
568
00:35:44,050 --> 00:35:45,970
It's time to let the truth ring out
569
00:35:46,140 --> 00:35:48,350
and wake up all the squares
570
00:35:48,520 --> 00:35:51,140
in this city of lies!
571
00:35:52,140 --> 00:35:55,190
We got guns.
Now fill this sack with cash!
572
00:35:57,530 --> 00:35:58,690
What do your masks mean?
573
00:35:58,860 --> 00:36:00,690
Just fill the sack with cash!
574
00:36:01,700 --> 00:36:03,990
Just what point
are you trying to make?
575
00:36:04,160 --> 00:36:07,120
- Do you not like Lincoln?
- Yeah, of course we like Lincoln.
576
00:36:07,290 --> 00:36:10,750
- He freed the slaves.
- So you like Lincoln and...
577
00:36:10,910 --> 00:36:14,790
...Nixon and... werewolves?
578
00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:17,460
- What?
- I mean, Nixon, whatever.
579
00:36:17,630 --> 00:36:19,840
He's kind of a creep, but werewolves?
580
00:36:20,010 --> 00:36:23,760
Werewolves are the walking undead.
They're bloodthirsty killers.
581
00:36:23,930 --> 00:36:26,890
- Who likes werewolves?
- We don't like werewolves!
582
00:36:27,050 --> 00:36:29,850
- We hate werewolves!
- You've got a werewolf mask on...
583
00:36:30,020 --> 00:36:33,100
- I can see that.
- Are you bloodthirsty killers?
584
00:36:33,270 --> 00:36:36,270
No, we are not bloodthirsty killers.
We're pacifists!
585
00:36:37,150 --> 00:36:39,770
Not a smart thing to tell somebody
when you're robbing them,
586
00:36:39,940 --> 00:36:42,110
OK, that you're a pacifist, 'cause
now I know you're not gonna kill me.
587
00:36:42,280 --> 00:36:44,280
- Somebody shut her up!
- No, listen.
588
00:36:44,450 --> 00:36:48,410
You've got it all wrong, OK?
They're just to cover our faces.
589
00:36:48,580 --> 00:36:50,290
I'm not gonna give you money,
you didn't deserve it.
590
00:36:50,450 --> 00:36:52,450
You say you're a political group?
591
00:36:52,620 --> 00:36:55,000
You come in here with a Nixon mask,
592
00:36:55,170 --> 00:36:58,130
and a werewolf mask and a Lincoln
mask, I'm gonna make connections.
593
00:36:58,790 --> 00:37:02,340
So, what's your statement?
And this guy's not even wearing a mask!
594
00:37:03,220 --> 00:37:07,760
- 'Cause I don't give a shit.
- That's scary to me. That works.
595
00:37:07,930 --> 00:37:09,720
I will give that gentleman
a little bit of money.
596
00:37:09,890 --> 00:37:11,390
But the rest of you, beat it!
597
00:37:11,560 --> 00:37:13,390
What's going on? Get the money!
598
00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:16,560
Hey, listen.
Our commitment is to truth,
599
00:37:16,730 --> 00:37:19,900
not consistency.
Now fill the sack with cash!
600
00:37:20,070 --> 00:37:23,070
Fine, your commitment is to truth?
Here's some truth.
601
00:37:23,240 --> 00:37:25,150
The Alarm Clock is a ridiculous name.
602
00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:27,860
- It's not scary.
- 00:37:30,410
- Let's shoot her!
- Excuse me, sir,
604
00:37:30,580 --> 00:37:32,790
- could you lower your voice?
- Oh, hell no.
605
00:37:32,950 --> 00:37:37,120
Now you're calling me sir?
I am a ma'am, ma'am.
606
00:37:37,290 --> 00:37:40,210
I'm sorry, I didn't know
what sex the werewolf was.
607
00:37:40,380 --> 00:37:43,210
How many werewolves do you
see around here wearing a skirt
608
00:37:43,380 --> 00:37:45,090
and a gun? None!
609
00:37:45,260 --> 00:37:48,590
Know what? Get out of here,
you dicks! You're a bunch of dicks!
610
00:37:48,760 --> 00:37:51,220
I told you we should've
worn stocking masks.
611
00:37:52,180 --> 00:37:53,520
All right, let's get out of here!
612
00:37:54,520 --> 00:37:56,020
All right, let's go. Come on.
613
00:37:56,190 --> 00:37:58,480
A pleasure doing business with you.
614
00:37:58,650 --> 00:38:01,190
I'm coming back for you.
You got a bad attitude.
615
00:38:01,360 --> 00:38:05,940
- You've got a bad attitude, sir.
- You... you're a jerk.
616
00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:11,490
I'm sick of this.
I'm gonna move to Tahoe.
617
00:38:11,660 --> 00:38:13,910
No! I mean, be cool, baby.
618
00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:16,370
We're gonna get our message
on TV, I promise.
619
00:38:17,620 --> 00:38:19,540
I would like the next person
in line, please.
620
00:38:19,710 --> 00:38:21,920
Everybody, get down!
621
00:38:23,670 --> 00:38:27,050
We are The Alarm Clock,
it's time to let the truth ring out
622
00:38:27,220 --> 00:38:30,340
and wake up all the squares
in this city of lies.
623
00:38:30,510 --> 00:38:32,850
We got guns.
Now fill this sack with cash!
624
00:38:33,010 --> 00:38:34,810
Turn it off.
625
00:38:36,310 --> 00:38:39,890
This was their sloppiest robbery yet,
which could mean they're desperate.
626
00:38:40,060 --> 00:38:41,690
- How new is this?
- Forget it.
627
00:38:41,860 --> 00:38:43,860
Channel 9 aired it as an exclusive.
628
00:38:44,030 --> 00:38:46,230
- Aw, man nipple!
- " 00:38:48,950
- Is that a curse word?
- I'm pretty sure it is.
630
00:38:49,110 --> 00:38:52,280
It's too bad, Ed.
We could've used a scoop like this.
631
00:38:54,950 --> 00:38:58,710
"Wake up all the squares
in this city of lies."
632
00:38:59,830 --> 00:39:01,920
God, I've heard that somewhere before.
633
00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:04,920
Really? Doesn't ring a bell to me.
634
00:39:07,470 --> 00:39:10,260
Donna? Donna?
635
00:39:11,050 --> 00:39:12,590
Donna?
636
00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:14,930
- I'm sorry. You OK?
- Yes.
637
00:39:15,100 --> 00:39:19,390
Donna, I need the unedited tape of the
cat fashion show I did a while back.
638
00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:20,890
- Do you have that?
- Sure.
639
00:39:21,060 --> 00:39:22,520
Oh, wonderful.
640
00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:26,520
- Here we go.
- Oh, good, thank you.
641
00:39:26,690 --> 00:39:28,650
Can I say I think you're fantastic?
642
00:39:29,950 --> 00:39:32,570
I see you, and you're just going.
643
00:39:32,740 --> 00:39:36,830
And you're a girl. It just makes me
want to yell, "Keep going, girl!"
644
00:39:37,830 --> 00:39:41,620
- Or, "You go, girl!"
- Keep working on that.
645
00:39:41,790 --> 00:39:44,670
"Keep it up, lady." I don't know.
646
00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:47,340
- That's probably silly.
- Are we done here?
647
00:39:47,510 --> 00:39:49,880
- Oh, yeah.
- Good. Thank you, Donna,
648
00:39:50,050 --> 00:39:52,930
- very much.
- And you're pretty.
649
00:39:53,090 --> 00:39:54,590
And I'm bisexual.
650
00:39:56,060 --> 00:39:57,720
I'm having a fondue party...
651
00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:00,480
...in my pants.
652
00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:03,270
- You have to move off-camera.
- I can dig it.
653
00:40:03,440 --> 00:40:06,190
Let the truth ring out,
wake up all the squares
654
00:40:06,360 --> 00:40:08,400
in this city of lies.
655
00:40:12,150 --> 00:40:14,160
Garth, put Harken
on the phone right now.
656
00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:16,620
He's gonna wanna hear this.
657
00:40:18,490 --> 00:40:20,500
Sons of bitches.
658
00:40:23,750 --> 00:40:27,500
Ed? Can you spell "award"?
659
00:40:29,130 --> 00:40:30,840
You can't?
660
00:40:31,010 --> 00:40:34,510
You're watching
Channel 4 News with Ron Burgundy,
661
00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:39,510
and introducing our new lead anchor,
Veronica Corningstone.
662
00:40:39,680 --> 00:40:43,430
It's Channel 4 News at 6:00.
663
00:40:44,190 --> 00:40:47,110
- I'm Ron Burgundy.
- And I'm Veronica Corningstone.
664
00:40:47,270 --> 00:40:51,110
Tonight's top story.
A chemical spill outside of Temecula
665
00:40:51,280 --> 00:40:54,450
has closed down all lanes
of Interstate 15.
666
00:40:54,610 --> 00:40:59,280
CHP has evacuated the area and has
reported that there are no injuries.
667
00:40:59,450 --> 00:41:03,200
Local officials are concerned about
the long-term environmental effects
668
00:41:03,370 --> 00:41:05,500
and are looking
where to place the blame.
669
00:41:05,670 --> 00:41:06,710
That's nice, Billy.
670
00:41:06,880 --> 00:41:09,630
I've witnessed train wrecks
that weren't this ugly.
671
00:41:10,380 --> 00:41:13,380
In other news today, if you're
planning on taking the city bus,
672
00:41:13,550 --> 00:41:15,180
it's gonna cost you extra.
673
00:41:15,340 --> 00:41:20,390
City officials have raised bus fares
from 25 cents a ride to 35 cents,
674
00:41:20,560 --> 00:41:22,970
so you're gonna have
to dig a little deeper.
675
00:41:24,230 --> 00:41:25,390
Fine!
676
00:41:26,850 --> 00:41:29,360
I know this has been hard for you, Ron.
677
00:41:29,520 --> 00:41:32,230
I'm not gonna lie to you, Ed,
it's been a bear.
678
00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:34,740
- You aren't crying, are you?
- Nope.
679
00:41:34,900 --> 00:41:36,610
I wouldn't think
any less of you if you did.
680
00:41:36,780 --> 00:41:38,410
- I'm not gonna cry.
- All right.
681
00:41:38,570 --> 00:41:42,790
If it's any consolation,
this girl is good. She is damn good.
682
00:41:42,950 --> 00:41:44,580
- She is a dynamic anchor.
- Yeah.
683
00:41:44,750 --> 00:41:47,290
She is a hell of a journalist
in the field.
684
00:41:47,460 --> 00:41:49,750
- I know you don't wanna hear it.
- I get it.
685
00:41:49,920 --> 00:41:52,590
Look, I think it's time
that I get out on the streets
686
00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:55,550
and do some real hard-hitting
journalism, you know?
687
00:41:55,720 --> 00:41:58,090
I wanna... I wanna...
688
00:41:58,260 --> 00:42:01,550
I've really been pondering, and
I think I'd make a hell of a reporter.
689
00:42:01,720 --> 00:42:05,270
Oh, boy, Ron,
I think that is a bad idea.
690
00:42:05,430 --> 00:42:07,640
You don't do well
without a TelePrompTer.
691
00:42:07,810 --> 00:42:09,940
Well, that's just a rumor, OK?
692
00:42:10,110 --> 00:42:12,940
Now, look, let me put together
a weekly feature
693
00:42:13,110 --> 00:42:15,940
where I rip the lid off
of some big story.
694
00:42:18,490 --> 00:42:20,910
Hey, Harken, nice suspenders, dick.
695
00:42:23,240 --> 00:42:26,200
- What was that all about?
- That's my son.
696
00:42:27,410 --> 00:42:30,170
Look, Ron, people seem to like you.
I'm not sure why.
697
00:42:30,330 --> 00:42:33,460
Tell you what, I'll put you
in the field if that's what you want.
698
00:42:33,630 --> 00:42:35,710
- Great.
- You've got to do this right.
699
00:42:35,880 --> 00:42:38,170
I mean, follow leads, confirm sources.
700
00:42:38,340 --> 00:42:41,010
I am talking real journalism, my friend.
701
00:42:41,180 --> 00:42:44,560
Great. Right on. Now, what's a lead?
702
00:42:45,560 --> 00:42:48,020
Well, Ron, a lead
is when you find information
703
00:42:48,190 --> 00:42:51,270
that leads you to larger stories.
704
00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:54,070
- You know what a source is.
- Easy. Yes.
705
00:42:54,230 --> 00:42:55,820
No, I lied, I don't know.
706
00:42:55,990 --> 00:42:59,150
Well, a... Oh, jeez. Why don't
you just watch Corningstone?
707
00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:01,570
- She has a handle on what's going on.
- OK.
708
00:43:01,740 --> 00:43:05,740
She's on the phone, viewing tapes. She's
probably got dozens ofjuicy leads.
709
00:43:05,910 --> 00:43:08,910
- I'll watch her like a hawk.
- You do that. I have confidence.
710
00:43:09,080 --> 00:43:11,790
- I'm gonna go grab some steam.
- Great.
711
00:43:13,210 --> 00:43:15,960
Ron, I'm gonna go grab some steam.
See you back at the office.
712
00:43:16,130 --> 00:43:18,090
I'll see you, Ed. I won't let you down.
713
00:43:19,170 --> 00:43:20,510
Helen?
714
00:43:21,390 --> 00:43:23,680
Helen, has anyone been at my desk?
715
00:43:23,850 --> 00:43:26,350
I am missing some
very important papers that I need
716
00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:29,020
- for a story I'm working on.
- Yes, Ron came by.
717
00:43:29,180 --> 00:43:31,270
He said there were
naked pictures of him.
718
00:43:31,440 --> 00:43:33,690
He wanted to get them
back from you, so...
719
00:43:33,860 --> 00:43:36,690
What? He did what?
720
00:43:36,860 --> 00:43:38,820
Oh, that... man!
721
00:43:38,990 --> 00:43:43,780
I hope that crazy gypsies
castrate him and feed it to the dogs!
722
00:43:51,830 --> 00:43:53,710
00:43:56,710
Yes, of course.
You have such passion.
724
00:43:59,170 --> 00:44:01,760
All right, team, I've got
a hot lead right here.
725
00:44:01,930 --> 00:44:03,180
Really? Where'd you get it?
726
00:44:04,010 --> 00:44:06,550
- Stole it from Corningstone.
- Oh, cool, what is it?
727
00:44:06,720 --> 00:44:09,180
It says, "Paul Hauser,
a tropical fish clerk at Pet Shack,
728
00:44:09,350 --> 00:44:12,270
is head of the political group
known as The Alarm Clock."
729
00:44:12,440 --> 00:44:15,860
Has his home address and everything.
Oh, my golly. This is great.
730
00:44:16,020 --> 00:44:20,610
Wow. This is a big story.
You could win the Wurlitzer for this.
731
00:44:20,780 --> 00:44:22,200
Hey, look, a camera.
732
00:44:22,360 --> 00:44:25,490
If I win the Wurlitzer,
you guys are coming to the dinner.
733
00:44:25,660 --> 00:44:29,410
- What do you say we do it, gang?
- Sweet sugar brown.
734
00:44:29,580 --> 00:44:33,160
Step on it, Brian. We're about
to rip the lid off of this thing.
735
00:44:47,680 --> 00:44:50,810
I'm Ron Burgundy, San Diego,
and it's time to rip the lid off of it!
736
00:44:51,680 --> 00:44:55,190
I'm Ron Burgundy, reporting to you
from the mean streets of San Diego.
737
00:44:55,350 --> 00:44:58,560
So mean, in fact,
I feel frightened for my life.
738
00:44:58,730 --> 00:45:00,780
Guess what, citizens?
A political radical
739
00:45:00,940 --> 00:45:04,650
eluding authorities for months
is living here, among you.
740
00:45:04,820 --> 00:45:07,570
But I'm now going to...
rip the lid off of it!
741
00:45:08,580 --> 00:45:10,950
Let's go. Hurry up.
742
00:45:11,120 --> 00:45:13,620
Be swift! Be swift!
743
00:45:13,790 --> 00:45:15,460
Stay close, guys.
744
00:45:17,670 --> 00:45:19,380
Let's go, guys, stay sharp.
745
00:45:20,670 --> 00:45:24,050
Well, if it isn't 00:45:25,550
- What?
- You heard what I said.
747
00:45:25,720 --> 00:45:27,430
You are the devil incarnate.
748
00:45:27,590 --> 00:45:32,270
What is that, a devil sandwich
made of lies and hubris?
749
00:45:32,430 --> 00:45:34,430
I think you must have
the wrong house.
750
00:45:34,600 --> 00:45:38,440
- Do I have the wrong house?
- Yeah, Hauser lives across the street.
751
00:45:38,610 --> 00:45:42,570
Oh, that's a deceptive ploy, isn't it?
I ought to knock you in the hip.
752
00:45:42,730 --> 00:45:44,440
00:45:47,570
Why don't you shut your mouth,
you filthy piece of trash?
754
00:45:47,740 --> 00:45:49,530
You should go back to prison
where every pervert
755
00:45:49,700 --> 00:45:51,280
can pass you around for cigarettes.
756
00:45:51,450 --> 00:45:54,160
I don't understand. What's happening?
757
00:45:54,330 --> 00:45:57,290
Would you like to tell the fine people
of San Diego what you've been up to.
758
00:45:57,460 --> 00:45:59,290
Lies, corruption, deceit.
759
00:45:59,460 --> 00:46:01,340
- Thuggery, buffoonery.
- 00:46:03,550
I don't like the way
you're looking at me.
761
00:46:03,710 --> 00:46:06,590
You should avert your gaze,
because you are a low-life scum
762
00:46:06,760 --> 00:46:09,430
who doesn't pay taxes
and is a Communist.
763
00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:11,510
No, not I.
764
00:46:11,680 --> 00:46:15,220
What would you say if I boxed you
in the ears for San Diego?
765
00:46:15,390 --> 00:46:17,270
This ring right here that says RB.
766
00:46:17,440 --> 00:46:20,730
I'd knock and break both...
the pair of spectacles you have on.
767
00:46:20,900 --> 00:46:24,360
I got problems with my ears.
I don't need any more.
768
00:46:24,530 --> 00:46:27,240
I'll give you more problems.
I'll give you problems in your kidneys.
769
00:46:27,400 --> 00:46:30,360
I'm gonna batter your kidneys.
Champ, hold on to the microphone.
770
00:46:30,530 --> 00:46:32,240
- I'm going to town.
- Ron?
771
00:46:32,410 --> 00:46:34,740
- This is gonna be good.
- Ron, he's right.
772
00:46:34,910 --> 00:46:37,870
The mailbox says Caltran.
We've got the wrong house.
773
00:46:39,540 --> 00:46:42,250
00:46:45,250
We make mistakes, that's OK.
That's what happens in the news biz.
775
00:46:45,420 --> 00:46:48,380
All right, let's try over here.
Stay focused, guys.
776
00:46:48,550 --> 00:46:50,840
Stay focused, pick up the pace!
777
00:46:51,010 --> 00:46:55,520
On behalf of Channel 4 News
and the Rip the Lid Off of It gang,
778
00:46:55,680 --> 00:46:59,730
I'd like to say thank you for letting us
interview you on such short notice.
779
00:46:59,900 --> 00:47:01,850
I don't know why you guys
wanna talk to me.
780
00:47:02,020 --> 00:47:05,070
- I just sell tropical fish.
- Duly noted.
781
00:47:05,230 --> 00:47:08,440
As a real journalist,
I have to start with one question:
782
00:47:09,780 --> 00:47:14,160
Are you the leader of a radical group
known as The Alarm Clock?
783
00:47:14,330 --> 00:47:16,580
- No.
- Sorry to have bothered you.
784
00:47:16,750 --> 00:47:19,790
All right, guys, let's get that cable up
and let's just shove out of here.
785
00:47:19,960 --> 00:47:21,330
I think we should...
786
00:47:21,500 --> 00:47:22,750
Oh, yes.
787
00:47:24,420 --> 00:47:27,210
Then how do you respond
to these security photos of you
788
00:47:27,380 --> 00:47:30,050
outside the bank five minutes
before it was robbed
789
00:47:30,220 --> 00:47:32,590
by four members of the group?
790
00:47:32,760 --> 00:47:35,430
You're touching his face, Brick.
Look alive.
791
00:47:38,310 --> 00:47:39,850
Well, that happens to be my bank.
792
00:47:40,020 --> 00:47:42,900
Just because I go there doesn't
make me a dangerous radical.
793
00:47:43,060 --> 00:47:47,230
By that logic, you could arrest anybody
who's ever been to a bank.
794
00:47:49,030 --> 00:47:53,110
You know, like I said,
I work in a pet store, you know?
795
00:47:53,280 --> 00:47:55,660
Pet Shack, you know?
796
00:47:55,830 --> 00:47:58,790
- I sell tropical birds.
- Right.
797
00:48:00,460 --> 00:48:02,540
I'm not even...
I'm not much for politics.
798
00:48:02,710 --> 00:48:05,840
Once again, I am sorry.
Big hearty handshake.
799
00:48:06,000 --> 00:48:09,960
Let's bring the van around the front,
and maybe go get lunch at Lancer's.
800
00:48:10,130 --> 00:48:12,680
I think I'll have a veal chop.
Would you stop coughing!
801
00:48:12,840 --> 00:48:14,970
- Look at these.
- Do you need a lozenge?
802
00:48:15,140 --> 00:48:16,470
Oh, right.
803
00:48:17,310 --> 00:48:18,640
How could I forget?
804
00:48:19,430 --> 00:48:21,810
Then how do you explain
this clear voice match
805
00:48:21,980 --> 00:48:25,650
between you and the man
in the security cam footage?
806
00:48:26,650 --> 00:48:28,980
A lot of guys talk like I do.
807
00:48:30,320 --> 00:48:32,490
- 00:48:35,530
- Hadn't thought of that.
- Or...
809
00:48:37,330 --> 00:48:40,450
Or maybe The Alarm Clock is going off!
810
00:48:40,620 --> 00:48:45,330
You're gonna pay for this,
Ron Burgundy! Let the truth ring out!
811
00:48:46,040 --> 00:48:47,960
Follow him with the camera!
812
00:48:48,130 --> 00:48:49,340
Oh, boy, he's fast.
813
00:48:51,300 --> 00:48:53,670
Boy, we really ripped
the lid off of that!
814
00:49:01,890 --> 00:49:02,890
He took the van.
815
00:49:03,060 --> 00:49:05,810
Oh, my God.
He is a member of The Alarm Clock.
816
00:49:05,980 --> 00:49:09,770
This is fun!
All right, what do we do now?
817
00:49:09,940 --> 00:49:14,740
Since this report was filed,
Paul Hauser has disappeared.
818
00:49:14,910 --> 00:49:18,820
Unfortunately, police were
just days away from arresting him,
819
00:49:18,990 --> 00:49:21,620
but now must start from scratch.
820
00:49:23,370 --> 00:49:25,370
Well, that was quite a story, Ron.
821
00:49:25,540 --> 00:49:28,000
Well, I appreciate that. It sure was.
822
00:49:28,170 --> 00:49:32,050
I really kind of found myself
as a reporter, as a journalist.
823
00:49:32,210 --> 00:49:35,010
But that's myjob. I'm a journalist,
824
00:49:35,180 --> 00:49:39,050
I'm a very good journalist.
I'm a damn fine journalist.
825
00:49:39,220 --> 00:49:42,010
And right now,
I'm sensing some jealousy.
826
00:49:43,850 --> 00:49:45,890
But that's part of the game.
827
00:49:46,060 --> 00:49:49,190
Sometimes some people are better
and other people aren't.
828
00:49:49,360 --> 00:49:52,530
So coming up
after the commercial break,
829
00:49:52,690 --> 00:49:55,650
Brick Tamland, he's gonna
have a little weather report for you.
830
00:49:55,820 --> 00:49:59,240
We have a hot one in store
over here in Fallbrook.
831
00:49:59,410 --> 00:50:01,450
It's 100, you can
expect on Tuesday...
832
00:50:01,620 --> 00:50:03,290
Not yet, Brick.
833
00:50:04,200 --> 00:50:06,410
- We'll be right back.
- We'll be right back.
834
00:50:09,880 --> 00:50:11,790
Huh? That's how you do it.
835
00:50:11,960 --> 00:50:15,300
- By the way, P.S.
- Unbelievable.
836
00:50:15,470 --> 00:50:17,300
Unbelievably good.
837
00:50:19,260 --> 00:50:20,930
That was great,
that came off well.
838
00:50:21,100 --> 00:50:22,220
I couldn't have done it
without you guys.
839
00:50:24,890 --> 00:50:27,060
Impeding a federal investigation,
840
00:50:27,230 --> 00:50:29,190
stealing another reporter's lead,
841
00:50:29,350 --> 00:50:32,520
and not to mention
losing an $80, 000 news van,
842
00:50:32,690 --> 00:50:36,240
Ron was fired that night
by Ed Harken.
843
00:50:36,400 --> 00:50:39,820
And once again,
he hit bottom... fast.
844
00:50:40,820 --> 00:50:42,990
You bastard, we trusted you.
845
00:50:44,450 --> 00:50:48,040
In fact, Ron bottomed out
as fast as just about anyone.
846
00:50:49,120 --> 00:50:53,130
He sometimes bottomed out
when he couldn't find a parking place
847
00:50:53,300 --> 00:50:56,800
or if the sports section
was missing from the paper.
848
00:50:56,970 --> 00:51:00,760
Anyway, I feel like
I'm explaining this too much.
849
00:51:05,970 --> 00:51:09,560
Sharon! Damn it, Sharon,
I'm recording narration.
850
00:51:10,350 --> 00:51:12,480
Turn that phone off.
851
00:51:12,650 --> 00:51:16,570
Sorry about that.
So anyway, he hit bottom.
852
00:51:22,780 --> 00:51:25,990
It's Channel 4 News at 6:00.
853
00:51:26,160 --> 00:51:30,580
Good evening, San Diego.
I'm lead anchor, Veronica Corningstone.
854
00:51:30,750 --> 00:51:32,000
This just in.
855
00:51:32,170 --> 00:51:35,290
The group, The Alarm Clock,
using the Channel 4 News van,
856
00:51:35,460 --> 00:51:37,960
- ran an armored car off the road...
- Damn it, Harken!
857
00:51:38,130 --> 00:51:39,760
...and stole nearly $50, 000.
858
00:51:39,930 --> 00:51:42,010
For crying out loud!
859
00:51:42,180 --> 00:51:44,890
...since they stole it
from former anchor, Ron Burgundy.
860
00:51:45,060 --> 00:51:49,890
I hope you're happy.
I'm trying to just enjoy my ribs.
861
00:51:56,190 --> 00:52:00,820
From all of us here at Channel 4 News,
I'm Veronica Corningstone,
862
00:52:00,990 --> 00:52:02,740
and you stay classy, San Di...
863
00:52:05,160 --> 00:52:07,540
Thanks for stopping by, San Diego.
864
00:52:09,580 --> 00:52:11,080
All clear.
865
00:52:14,330 --> 00:52:17,210
Charlie, I needed
that research last week.
866
00:52:17,380 --> 00:52:20,420
Well, get it to me
as soon as possible. Thank you.
867
00:52:20,590 --> 00:52:22,300
- 00:52:25,050
I tried calling the mayor's office.
They won't call back.
869
00:52:25,220 --> 00:52:27,300
Try again. Tell them that it's me
870
00:52:27,470 --> 00:52:29,810
and that he owes me something.
He knows that.
871
00:52:32,440 --> 00:52:35,600
Why do you have to keep
typing this in Chinese, Lloyd?
872
00:52:50,660 --> 00:52:53,250
Helen, would you put Ron on the phone?
873
00:52:55,170 --> 00:52:58,130
You know what? Forget it.
874
00:52:58,300 --> 00:53:00,710
It's all right, no.
I'll call him later.
875
00:53:10,600 --> 00:53:12,640
The V's aren't working
on my typewriter.
876
00:53:12,810 --> 00:53:16,520
It's "Eronica Corningstone".
That's horrible, that can't say that.
877
00:53:18,400 --> 00:53:20,900
00:53:40,130
What did I do wrong?
879
00:53:47,430 --> 00:53:49,720
I'm not home right now
880
00:53:49,890 --> 00:53:52,060
I am not home
881
00:53:52,220 --> 00:53:54,100
I am out, so leave a message
882
00:53:54,270 --> 00:53:56,810
When the machine goes beep
883
00:53:56,980 --> 00:54:00,980
Ron, this is your mentor,
Jess Moondragon.
884
00:54:01,150 --> 00:54:02,820
I thought maybe you'd like to talk.
885
00:54:04,150 --> 00:54:05,150
Jess...
886
00:54:07,030 --> 00:54:08,160
...help me.
887
00:54:09,160 --> 00:54:11,280
You've done well
for yourself, Jess.
888
00:54:11,450 --> 00:54:16,830
Yeah, I dreaded retirement forever,
until I found this piece of land.
889
00:54:17,000 --> 00:54:20,290
- It's God's country.
- 00:54:24,670
00:54:28,970
She's a giving lady,
00:54:31,050
Didn't even bother
to put on make-up.
893
00:54:35,270 --> 00:54:38,690
You know, I'd deeply like
to take her and...
894
00:54:38,850 --> 00:54:39,850
...make love to her.
895
00:54:41,020 --> 00:54:43,360
She's an elusive goddess,
00:54:46,530
Yeah. Still, to...
897
00:54:47,950 --> 00:54:50,780
...feel her succulent breasts
pressed against me...
898
00:54:52,280 --> 00:54:53,700
...and my breath,
899
00:54:53,870 --> 00:54:56,370
whispering hot in her ear,
900
00:54:56,540 --> 00:54:58,540
"Yeah, baby"...
901
00:55:00,170 --> 00:55:02,250
...while I fumble with my belt.
902
00:55:03,210 --> 00:55:05,170
You get my drift, friend?
903
00:55:05,340 --> 00:55:07,880
Yeah. Yeah, I do.
904
00:55:08,050 --> 00:55:12,760
I do. But therein lies the rub,
for she turns away all suitors.
905
00:55:12,930 --> 00:55:15,720
I'd like to take 00:55:21,770
get in the shower
and wash each other all over,
907
00:55:21,940 --> 00:55:24,980
then go in the bedroom and do things
you can only do in Bangkok.
908
00:55:25,150 --> 00:55:29,650
All right, I have to stop you there.
You're making me very uncomfortable.
909
00:55:30,030 --> 00:55:34,410
Sorry, Ron Burgundy, I...
00:55:39,250
So I guess you heard
what happened to me.
911
00:55:39,410 --> 00:55:41,710
I did indeed, old friend.
912
00:55:41,880 --> 00:55:44,290
Everyone hates me, Jess.
913
00:55:44,460 --> 00:55:46,880
I can't work anywhere.
914
00:55:47,050 --> 00:55:50,470
00:55:53,180
Now, you listen to me.
916
00:55:53,340 --> 00:55:55,640
The world always needs
a good anchor,
917
00:55:55,810 --> 00:55:57,930
and Ron Burgundy
is a damn fine one,
918
00:55:58,100 --> 00:56:00,310
so you just hang in there.
919
00:56:02,940 --> 00:56:06,190
That's your advice? "Hang in there?"
920
00:56:06,360 --> 00:56:10,740
Look, I don't know why you ever looked
up to me so much in the first place.
921
00:56:10,900 --> 00:56:12,610
I'm not all that great a guy.
922
00:56:13,280 --> 00:56:15,410
Well, then I guess I'll be going.
923
00:56:16,490 --> 00:56:20,500
You know, it's funny. I always wanted
to do a broadcast from the observatory.
924
00:56:21,120 --> 00:56:23,790
I bet you could reach
a million homes from up there.
925
00:56:25,670 --> 00:56:28,420
Now, I'd be happy
to reach just one.
926
00:56:29,670 --> 00:56:31,970
Why don't you take
a naked nature walk with me?
927
00:56:32,130 --> 00:56:35,140
- It'd cheer you up.
- Yeah, I'm not gonna do that.
928
00:56:35,300 --> 00:56:39,310
I tell you, you get out there,
and everything's just hanging free.
929
00:56:39,470 --> 00:56:43,270
- Kind of weird.
- The deer come up, sniff you.
930
00:56:43,440 --> 00:56:45,980
- Not my style.
- It's neat. Bend over to pick a flower
931
00:56:46,150 --> 00:56:49,980
- and that cold nose...
- Now, I'm getting uncomfortable.
932
00:56:50,150 --> 00:56:51,280
I got extra sandals.
933
00:56:51,440 --> 00:56:53,700
- I bet you do.
- Really, I mean, come on...
934
00:56:53,860 --> 00:56:56,370
- Nope. Nope.
- You'd like it. It'd make me happy.
935
00:56:56,530 --> 00:56:58,870
- Nope.
- 00:57:00,120
- Not gonna do it.
- Come on.
937
00:57:04,330 --> 00:57:07,170
Well, hello, 00:57:10,090
Guess what? Now you're
gonna read the real news.
939
00:57:10,260 --> 00:57:13,670
I hope you don't mind,
I ate some of your cottage cheese.
940
00:57:17,430 --> 00:57:20,060
What're you doing?
Give me the whistle.
941
00:57:20,220 --> 00:57:21,850
Let's go. Come on, come on.
942
00:57:22,020 --> 00:57:23,480
- 00:57:29,480
How many times
we had this conversation?
944
00:57:29,650 --> 00:57:33,110
- About a million times.
- I guess it'll be a million and one,
945
00:57:33,280 --> 00:57:36,610
so listen up. You cannot
hang around people's houses at night
946
00:57:36,780 --> 00:57:40,120
- wearing a ski mask.
- I'm not hanging out, I'm doing stuff.
947
00:57:40,290 --> 00:57:43,370
- Well, it makes them nervous.
- Sorry, Dad. God.
948
00:57:43,540 --> 00:57:45,460
If you have to be back there,
take a look,
949
00:57:45,620 --> 00:57:48,040
see what you gotta see
leave like a gentleman.
950
00:57:48,210 --> 00:57:49,960
- Bitch.
- If they start to scream,
951
00:57:50,130 --> 00:57:53,510
- don't try to "shut them up."
- Is it cool if I smoke a joint?
952
00:57:53,670 --> 00:57:58,260
- Now, what do you think?
- Oh, sweet. Thanks, dude.
953
00:57:59,260 --> 00:58:01,260
Will you put that thing out?
954
00:58:02,270 --> 00:58:04,890
Shut up! You're not
the boss of me anymore, I'm 14!
955
00:58:05,060 --> 00:58:07,730
See the hair on my chest?
It means I'm a man now.
956
00:58:07,900 --> 00:58:10,520
I didn't see it.
You think you're tough?
957
00:58:10,690 --> 00:58:14,070
Swing. I'll hit you so hard you'll wear
a catheter as a charm bracelet.
958
00:58:14,240 --> 00:58:16,570
I'm right here!
I'm gonna kill myself!
959
00:58:16,740 --> 00:58:19,240
Oh, promises, promises!
960
00:58:19,410 --> 00:58:23,580
- Ed! Sorry to interrupt.
- We're having a father and son chat.
961
00:58:23,750 --> 00:58:27,250
Veronica's 00:58:31,790
"Dig it, at long last, 00:58:35,170
will read the truth."
Signed The Alarm Clock.
964
00:58:35,340 --> 00:58:37,260
See? I told you I wasn't
part of that group.
965
00:58:37,430 --> 00:58:39,890
OK, it looks like
I owe your mother $10.
966
00:58:40,050 --> 00:58:41,430
Always accusing me.
967
00:58:41,600 --> 00:58:44,510
Hey, don't bogart myjay!
What's up?
968
00:58:44,680 --> 00:58:46,850
Oh... never mind!
969
00:58:47,020 --> 00:58:49,900
I'll hold that as evidence.
You take this down to fingerprinting.
970
00:58:50,060 --> 00:58:52,560
We don't have fingerprinting, do we?
Just file it.
971
00:58:55,070 --> 00:58:58,950
You'd do well to emulate that man.
He's pulled himself up by bootstraps.
972
00:58:59,110 --> 00:59:01,570
"Take this and put it in the files.
973
00:59:01,740 --> 00:59:04,660
- Do everything I say."
- Oh, that's a nice mouth.
974
00:59:04,830 --> 00:59:06,870
I suppose you wanna be
like your friend
975
00:59:07,040 --> 00:59:09,960
who's so proud of himself
'cause he's a model prisoner.
976
00:59:10,120 --> 00:59:12,460
Spider at least has a good heart.
977
00:59:12,630 --> 00:59:14,920
In local news...
978
00:59:16,550 --> 00:59:20,300
...Dr. Jim Bavelick
979
00:59:20,470 --> 00:59:22,890
grew the world's largest tomato.
980
00:59:23,050 --> 00:59:27,310
Hey, fella, you need to take a bath.
You're starting to stink.
981
00:59:27,480 --> 00:59:30,140
You don't talk to me like that.
I'm an anchorman.
982
00:59:30,310 --> 00:59:33,230
Take care of that,
or I'll call the police. Hear me, Ace?
983
00:59:33,400 --> 00:59:34,820
Yeah, I hear you, Ace!
984
00:59:34,980 --> 00:59:37,780
I'll crush your balls
in these two cups here.
985
00:59:38,650 --> 00:59:40,990
- What did you say?
- I said I'll crush...
986
00:59:41,160 --> 00:59:43,490
Wes Mantooth reporting
from the residence
987
00:59:43,660 --> 00:59:46,830
of rival anchorperson
Veronica Corningstone,
988
00:59:47,000 --> 00:59:50,160
where last night she was
kidnapped by The Alarm Clock.
989
00:59:50,330 --> 00:59:51,580
Veronica.
990
00:59:51,750 --> 00:59:55,290
Police believe the group
is trying to get Corningstone
991
00:59:55,460 --> 00:59:59,170
to anchor a pirate broadcast
from an unknown location
992
00:59:59,340 --> 01:00:02,470
of their sick, twisted message.
993
01:00:02,640 --> 01:00:07,310
And while it is not my job
to speculate, odds are...
994
01:00:08,470 --> 01:00:10,180
...she's probably already dead.
995
01:00:10,350 --> 01:00:12,520
I wonder where
those hippies took her.
996
01:00:12,690 --> 01:00:16,020
It must be somewhere
with a big enough broadcast radius...
997
01:00:17,030 --> 01:00:21,030
Eli Whitney's nose!
I know where they are!
998
01:00:21,200 --> 01:00:23,990
The San Diego Observatory.
It's the highest point in the area.
999
01:00:24,160 --> 01:00:25,950
Call the cops.
There's a phone by the door.
1000
01:00:26,120 --> 01:00:29,120
No. If they go up there
with their sirens blaring,
1001
01:00:29,290 --> 01:00:31,250
those crazies could panic.
1002
01:00:31,410 --> 01:00:35,130
I did this.
Now I have to make it right.
1003
01:00:44,430 --> 01:00:46,890
Good evening, I'm Ron Burgundy.
1004
01:00:47,060 --> 01:00:51,100
Son of a man nipple.
01:00:56,060
If I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna need
my news team at my side.
1006
01:01:04,160 --> 01:01:08,660
News team, assemble!
1007
01:01:09,240 --> 01:01:10,910
I'm sorry we turned
our backs on you, Ron.
1008
01:01:11,080 --> 01:01:15,170
- Sorry, Ron. That was horrible.
- Hey, all is forgiven, all right?
1009
01:01:15,330 --> 01:01:17,580
I'm glad we're
back together as a team.
1010
01:01:20,090 --> 01:01:22,300
- We love you, Ron.
- Thanks, man.
1011
01:01:24,630 --> 01:01:26,010
I love you, Ron.
1012
01:01:29,810 --> 01:01:31,310
I said I love you, Ron.
1013
01:01:33,270 --> 01:01:34,770
Why is everyone ignoring me?
1014
01:01:36,690 --> 01:01:38,560
I love you, Ron.
1015
01:01:40,020 --> 01:01:43,360
And I think we should
adopt a child together in Vermont.
1016
01:01:44,110 --> 01:01:47,360
- Answer me!
- So...
1017
01:01:47,530 --> 01:01:49,120
...the car's running great.
1018
01:01:49,280 --> 01:01:51,410
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- Take it in for a tune-up?
1019
01:01:51,580 --> 01:01:54,120
- Yeah. Changed the oil and...
- Good.
1020
01:01:54,290 --> 01:01:57,170
Answer me! Ron!
1021
01:01:58,790 --> 01:02:01,800
Ron... I know you heard me.
1022
01:02:03,010 --> 01:02:05,300
I love you.
1023
01:02:05,470 --> 01:02:06,970
And I wanna be with you...
1024
01:02:07,890 --> 01:02:10,760
...like men.
I wanna be inside you.
1025
01:02:13,060 --> 01:02:14,470
I want you inside me.
1026
01:02:16,100 --> 01:02:19,600
- Anybody up for the radio?
- I would love to hear the radio.
1027
01:02:19,770 --> 01:02:23,360
No radio!
I have something to say to Ron!
1028
01:02:24,070 --> 01:02:26,860
You know I've had feelings
for you for a long time.
1029
01:02:28,660 --> 01:02:32,660
We'd be good together, Ron, I... I...
I'm a good cook.
1030
01:02:33,660 --> 01:02:35,160
Do you like your feet rubbed?
I bet you do.
1031
01:02:35,330 --> 01:02:39,330
I'll rub 'em,
and maybe we could
1032
01:02:39,500 --> 01:02:42,420
get married in a ceremony
presided over by Roger Staubach.
1033
01:02:42,590 --> 01:02:44,840
I called him last week,
I hope that's OK.
1034
01:02:45,010 --> 01:02:46,760
01:02:49,130
- Sounds OK.
- Yeah, burrito.
1036
01:02:49,300 --> 01:02:53,970
Say it! Say, "Champ Burgundy".
Say it!
1037
01:02:54,140 --> 01:02:55,520
Tostada.
1038
01:02:56,680 --> 01:02:58,480
- Tostadas would be great.
- Oh, man.
1039
01:02:58,640 --> 01:03:01,730
I am in love with Ron Burgundy!
1040
01:03:02,520 --> 01:03:04,400
I'm always thinking about you, Ron.
1041
01:03:04,570 --> 01:03:09,450
I have dream journals about you.
Filled pages.
1042
01:03:09,610 --> 01:03:12,950
When I make love to women,
I close my eyes
1043
01:03:13,120 --> 01:03:15,200
and think of you when I finish.
1044
01:03:15,370 --> 01:03:18,210
Ron Burgundy
1045
01:03:18,370 --> 01:03:20,040
Is in love with me
1046
01:03:20,210 --> 01:03:22,960
Ron Burgundy
1047
01:03:23,130 --> 01:03:25,550
And Champion Kind
1048
01:03:25,710 --> 01:03:30,300
Oh, let's be so beautiful together
1049
01:03:30,470 --> 01:03:32,510
Running in the grass
1050
01:03:32,680 --> 01:03:35,390
In the summer and the fall
1051
01:03:35,560 --> 01:03:37,470
And wintertime too
1052
01:03:37,640 --> 01:03:41,390
- How much longer you think?
- It's gotta be another five minutes.
1053
01:03:41,560 --> 01:03:43,360
- The problem is the altitude.
- Right.
1054
01:03:43,520 --> 01:03:46,730
Ron?
I know you can hear me.
1055
01:03:47,780 --> 01:03:51,030
I wanna...
I wanna kiss you on the mouth.
1056
01:03:52,160 --> 01:03:53,950
I wanna...
1057
01:03:54,120 --> 01:03:55,620
Ron...
1058
01:03:57,410 --> 01:03:59,000
Ron.
1059
01:04:06,920 --> 01:04:08,670
Ron...
1060
01:04:08,840 --> 01:04:11,220
- Good to get my parking spot back.
- Yeah.
1061
01:04:11,380 --> 01:04:14,800
I love you!
Don't ignore me!
1062
01:04:14,970 --> 01:04:18,220
I am in love with Ron Burgundy!
1063
01:04:38,950 --> 01:04:40,290
Hey, girl.
1064
01:04:41,830 --> 01:04:43,330
01:04:47,250
From this altitude,
we can overlap into every channel,
1066
01:04:47,420 --> 01:04:50,840
- every station, every frequency.
- Dig it.
1067
01:04:51,010 --> 01:04:54,760
It's time to light this bad boy up.
I'm gonna tell you.
1068
01:05:07,730 --> 01:05:08,940
Hello, gentlemen.
1069
01:05:09,900 --> 01:05:11,610
Everything is ready for you.
1070
01:05:12,570 --> 01:05:14,860
Thank you, Jess 01:05:17,450
Boy, you should really
put some pants on.
1072
01:05:17,620 --> 01:05:22,580
All right. Remember, the observatory
is directly over that mountain pass.
1073
01:05:22,750 --> 01:05:24,830
- Right.
- That's some rough country.
1074
01:05:25,000 --> 01:05:27,880
- How're we gonna get up there?
- As I said...
1075
01:05:30,250 --> 01:05:32,210
...everything is ready for you.
1076
01:05:39,510 --> 01:05:41,930
God be with you,
Channel 4 News Team!
1077
01:05:42,100 --> 01:05:43,520
God be with you!
1078
01:06:06,170 --> 01:06:08,710
This is serious, this is not a...
1079
01:06:08,880 --> 01:06:10,630
No, don't do that to him.
1080
01:06:24,270 --> 01:06:27,270
Let's go, fellas.
Give 11 0 percent.
1081
01:06:27,440 --> 01:06:29,690
Come on! We've almost got it!
1082
01:06:35,740 --> 01:06:37,700
Stay close, gang.
1083
01:06:39,570 --> 01:06:41,620
This is treacherous country.
1084
01:06:42,990 --> 01:06:44,450
01:06:50,500
Gentlemen, bad news.
I believe we're lost.
1086
01:06:50,670 --> 01:06:53,840
What're we gonna do?
We don't have food or water.
1087
01:06:54,000 --> 01:06:56,840
Take it easy!
Just everyone, relax!
1088
01:06:57,010 --> 01:07:00,680
If we panic, we die! OK? Easy!
1089
01:07:06,730 --> 01:07:08,020
Now...
1090
01:07:10,770 --> 01:07:14,150
OK, let's check the wind direction.
1091
01:07:14,320 --> 01:07:16,440
And f... No, no, shut up!
1092
01:07:16,610 --> 01:07:19,490
Everyone shut up! We've got
1093
01:07:19,660 --> 01:07:22,530
some very tough decisions
to make in the next couple of hours,
1094
01:07:22,700 --> 01:07:24,950
or maybe even months.
1095
01:07:25,120 --> 01:07:26,370
Or even years, I don't know.
1096
01:07:26,540 --> 01:07:29,710
Just spit it out, RB.
You're talking about cannibalism.
1097
01:07:29,870 --> 01:07:32,290
Am I? Is that what I'm talking about?
1098
01:07:33,290 --> 01:07:36,050
I guess I am.
I'm talking about cannibalism.
1099
01:07:37,170 --> 01:07:40,720
Developed by the Japanese
in the 1800s...
1100
01:07:41,430 --> 01:07:44,970
...and now we're going to use it
in present-day time.
1101
01:07:45,810 --> 01:07:49,310
The eating of flesh
for the sustention of life.
1102
01:07:50,230 --> 01:07:52,810
What do you think of that?
It's about to happen!
1103
01:07:52,980 --> 01:07:55,110
It'll have to be the weakest one.
1104
01:07:55,270 --> 01:07:58,610
Sweet Lord, I don't know
if I can eat a friend.
1105
01:07:59,320 --> 01:08:02,070
I once ate an entire bowl of LEGOS.
1106
01:08:02,240 --> 01:08:06,370
I don't care, Brick!
I just don't care!
1107
01:08:07,660 --> 01:08:09,660
How's that twisted ankle
of yours, Brian?
1108
01:08:10,660 --> 01:08:13,080
It's fine.
I barely even feel it any more.
1109
01:08:19,050 --> 01:08:21,840
Please, Brian, please.
1110
01:08:22,010 --> 01:08:23,840
- Don't struggle.
- What are you guys doing?
1111
01:08:24,010 --> 01:08:25,800
Come on.
It's for the good of the group.
1112
01:08:25,970 --> 01:08:28,720
Just lay down so we can eat you.
1113
01:08:31,810 --> 01:08:33,190
- No.
- Don't make this harder
1114
01:08:33,350 --> 01:08:35,610
- than it has to be.
- Stay away from me, you bastards!
1115
01:08:35,770 --> 01:08:39,320
Let me do it, Ron. Don't need you
being implicated in this murder.
1116
01:08:39,490 --> 01:08:43,490
Hush little baby
Daddy's coming to eat you
1117
01:08:43,660 --> 01:08:47,530
Mamma's gonna buy you
a back of your calf
1118
01:08:47,700 --> 01:08:50,790
Don't, wait, don't eat me.
Don't eat me. Eat Brick, he won't care.
1119
01:08:50,960 --> 01:08:53,410
- No, that's fine.
- You're a lot leaner.
1120
01:08:53,580 --> 01:08:55,170
Stop it, guys.
1121
01:08:55,830 --> 01:09:00,300
Please relax. Think of
something relaxing, like a stream
1122
01:09:00,460 --> 01:09:03,050
- or a meadow.
- Stay away from me!
1123
01:09:03,220 --> 01:09:05,510
- Stay away from me!
- OK, yeah.
1124
01:09:05,680 --> 01:09:08,850
- Back, back, back!
- Let me do it.
1125
01:09:09,010 --> 01:09:11,350
I've wanted to do this
for a long time.
1126
01:09:11,520 --> 01:09:14,890
Dreamt of it. Dreams of Fantana!
1127
01:09:15,060 --> 01:09:17,810
- Stay away!
- I'm gonna eat your face
1128
01:09:17,980 --> 01:09:22,110
off your bones, Fantana!
Let me do it, Ron!
1129
01:09:22,280 --> 01:09:24,860
You say it, and I'll kill this man!
1130
01:09:25,030 --> 01:09:27,740
- Do it, Champ. Drop the rock.
- No, guys, come on!
1131
01:09:27,910 --> 01:09:30,580
Drop the rock. Drop the rock.
1132
01:09:30,740 --> 01:09:32,870
- It was an accident.
- Pretend I'm a wolverine.
1133
01:09:33,040 --> 01:09:34,540
I'll give you a wolverine.
1134
01:09:35,420 --> 01:09:38,790
- We had to eat him!
- Don't struggle. It's for the group.
1135
01:09:38,960 --> 01:09:40,590
I've never even slept with a lady!
1136
01:09:40,750 --> 01:09:44,090
Hey, you guys.
Look at the big white bubbly building!
1137
01:09:45,800 --> 01:09:48,930
Good work, Brick.
All right, team. Let's move out.
1138
01:09:49,100 --> 01:09:51,060
Keep a tight perimeter.
1139
01:09:53,060 --> 01:09:54,140
Nice job.
1140
01:10:08,530 --> 01:10:11,280
All right, gang, it's real simple.
1141
01:10:11,450 --> 01:10:15,330
Just like when we were back together
in 'Nam in '64. I'll take point...
1142
01:10:16,420 --> 01:10:20,130
Stand down, Corporal Burgundy.
I'm running this show now.
1143
01:10:20,290 --> 01:10:23,090
- Affirmative, a-ffir-ma-tive?
- Affirmative.
1144
01:10:24,630 --> 01:10:28,130
I'll take point.
Champ, right flank.
1145
01:10:28,300 --> 01:10:31,760
Gator Dirty Teacup.
We will fan out,
1146
01:10:31,930 --> 01:10:34,100
to a cobra double-helix formation.
1147
01:10:34,270 --> 01:10:36,640
If we encounter any hostiles...
1148
01:10:38,230 --> 01:10:40,020
...silent throat cuts only.
1149
01:10:40,650 --> 01:10:42,860
On my... mark.
1150
01:10:45,240 --> 01:10:47,280
Looks like the captain's back.
1151
01:11:02,000 --> 01:11:06,510
- Any word yet from the police?
- Nothing. No sign of her.
1152
01:11:06,670 --> 01:11:09,010
No one's heard from the rest
of the news team either.
1153
01:11:09,180 --> 01:11:10,800
Well, I hope they find them soon.
1154
01:11:10,970 --> 01:11:15,260
These weekend anchors we have
to fill in are... just not cutting it.
1155
01:11:15,430 --> 01:11:18,100
- One of our own is missing.
- Ready two.
1156
01:11:18,270 --> 01:11:23,060
01:11:25,020
We are looking for
1158
01:11:25,190 --> 01:11:29,240
any information we have on the lady.
1159
01:11:29,410 --> 01:11:32,660
And you can call...
you can call this number.
1160
01:11:32,830 --> 01:11:35,830
- Where's the friggin' number?
- Ready two.
1161
01:11:35,990 --> 01:11:38,290
I do have a message
for one of our viewers.
1162
01:11:39,210 --> 01:11:41,920
01:11:45,170
I didn't know I was coming to work
today, they called last minute.
1164
01:11:45,340 --> 01:11:49,050
I left spaghetti on the stove. I swear
to God, I will cut your hair tomorrow.
1165
01:11:49,220 --> 01:11:51,300
I want them off the air now!
1166
01:11:53,890 --> 01:11:56,350
Why don't you think
about losing the beard?
1167
01:11:56,520 --> 01:11:59,230
I guess her name... I can't... Ian!
1168
01:11:59,940 --> 01:12:01,020
I can't find the number!
1169
01:12:03,650 --> 01:12:06,070
You see, 01:12:08,110
When that anchor
reads our manifesto,
1171
01:12:08,280 --> 01:12:10,650
this city's gonna go crazy
with the truth.
1172
01:12:10,820 --> 01:12:14,070
- Have you finished the manifesto?
- Yeah, it's almost done.
1173
01:12:14,240 --> 01:12:17,580
I gotta get a new typewriter ribbon.
It's all up here.
1174
01:12:18,910 --> 01:12:21,160
Ron! Ron, be careful.
1175
01:12:21,330 --> 01:12:24,580
Blink and you're dead
'cause we're in Rome now.
1176
01:12:24,750 --> 01:12:28,630
Well, if it isn't Whitey 01:12:35,970
Oh, Ron, I can't
believe you came for me.
1178
01:12:36,890 --> 01:12:39,220
I've been thinking
about you every second.
1179
01:12:39,930 --> 01:12:43,640
Part of the time wanting to kill you
because of my hatred.
1180
01:12:44,770 --> 01:12:47,770
Another time,
wanting to make love to you
1181
01:12:47,940 --> 01:12:50,440
in a 24-hour endless cycle.
1182
01:12:51,610 --> 01:12:53,780
Ron, there's something
that you should know.
1183
01:12:55,370 --> 01:12:58,790
- You needn't say a word.
- But, Ron, I wasn't myself.
1184
01:12:58,950 --> 01:13:02,620
I was angry, I was consumed
with ambition, and I'm sorry.
1185
01:13:02,790 --> 01:13:05,040
I'm sorry, my little chinchilla.
1186
01:13:05,210 --> 01:13:09,300
If it wasn't for my stupid pride,
we wouldn't be here right now.
1187
01:13:09,460 --> 01:13:12,300
OK, here's what's gonna happen,
01:13:14,300
In 10 minutes, we're going live.
1189
01:13:14,470 --> 01:13:16,720
At that point,
you will read our statement.
1190
01:13:16,890 --> 01:13:20,810
- The hell I will.
- Then we kill you.
1191
01:13:20,970 --> 01:13:23,350
Go ahead. I am an anchor,
1192
01:13:23,520 --> 01:13:25,900
and I would rather die
than lose my credibility.
1193
01:13:27,190 --> 01:13:28,310
I'll do it.
1194
01:13:30,400 --> 01:13:32,490
I've just been informed
by law enforcement
1195
01:13:32,650 --> 01:13:35,070
this is the largest
search-and-rescue operation
1196
01:13:35,240 --> 01:13:39,030
ever to be conducted
in the San Diego metropolitan area.
1197
01:13:39,200 --> 01:13:44,000
Is this worth our tax dollars?
01:13:46,420
One thing here today
is for sure, though,
1199
01:13:46,580 --> 01:13:51,000
this is a frightening
and confusing story.
1200
01:13:51,170 --> 01:13:53,090
But I'm here for you, San Diego.
1201
01:13:53,260 --> 01:13:57,180
Go on, pull up a chair.
Put your hand on the TV set.
1202
01:13:57,340 --> 01:13:59,350
We'll get through this thing together.
1203
01:13:59,510 --> 01:14:03,560
I am Wes 01:14:05,730
human being.
1205
01:14:07,690 --> 01:14:11,270
Listen up. We're going live
on the air in two minutes.
1206
01:14:11,440 --> 01:14:15,190
I'm ready to go here.
But I have to be honest with you.
1207
01:14:15,360 --> 01:14:18,530
This copy you've handed me,
it's not your best work.
1208
01:14:18,700 --> 01:14:22,290
It's awful. But I can't possibly
read this on the air.
1209
01:14:22,450 --> 01:14:25,540
Besides, it needs to be typed
and preferably double-spaced.
1210
01:14:25,710 --> 01:14:28,710
Courier, Helvetica, 01:14:31,540
OK, all right, enough.
I'm... I'm almost finished.
1212
01:14:31,710 --> 01:14:33,960
I'm almost done. I've just got to...
1213
01:14:34,130 --> 01:14:37,970
- ...do this one part here.
- 01:14:40,340
You been writing that manifesto
for three months, man.
1215
01:14:40,510 --> 01:14:44,220
- Read it before I kick your ass.
- Yeah, you jive turkey, read it.
1216
01:14:44,390 --> 01:14:47,770
You wanna hear the manifesto?
OK, fine, here it is!
1217
01:14:47,940 --> 01:14:52,230
Here is how The Alarm Clock
will change the world forever!
1218
01:14:55,690 --> 01:14:58,860
All right, you know how when we...
1219
01:15:00,450 --> 01:15:04,910
...drink beer or soda, and then
we throw out the bottles and cans?
1220
01:15:06,660 --> 01:15:11,580
Well, how about we start saving
those bottles and cans?
1221
01:15:12,340 --> 01:15:16,420
- Reuse them.
- You are a lunatic.
1222
01:15:17,050 --> 01:15:19,930
Yeah, you'd need a whole 'nother
garbage can for the bottles.
1223
01:15:20,090 --> 01:15:22,970
- People would never do that.
- Wait, wait... What about...?
1224
01:15:23,140 --> 01:15:26,060
You didn't get to the part about
electric cars so we don't have
1225
01:15:26,220 --> 01:15:30,480
- to be dependent on foreign oil!
- Electric cars?
1226
01:15:30,980 --> 01:15:32,770
01:15:36,150
You are, aren't you?
I know you took some of my weed!
1228
01:15:37,280 --> 01:15:41,490
Some of my weed is missing
out of my purse. It was you!
1229
01:15:42,490 --> 01:15:44,080
I would just shoot him right now.
1230
01:15:44,240 --> 01:15:49,580
We gotta let the people know
that meat is good for you,
1231
01:15:49,750 --> 01:15:53,880
- and potatoes make you fat!
- Oh, man.
1232
01:15:54,340 --> 01:15:57,710
You know what? I cannot believe
I did you in the hammock.
1233
01:15:57,880 --> 01:16:00,550
I gave you all my Juicy Fruit,
then you treat me like this.
1234
01:16:00,720 --> 01:16:04,140
- I have had it!
- We can't read this crap on the air.
1235
01:16:04,760 --> 01:16:08,640
We should all have computers
in our houses,
1236
01:16:08,810 --> 01:16:11,640
every one of us,
so that we could talk to each other
1237
01:16:11,810 --> 01:16:14,980
- with the computers.
- That's gonna happen.
1238
01:16:15,150 --> 01:16:19,570
Now you're talkin' crazy.
01:16:21,990
You'll make us look like
some kind ofjoke.
1240
01:16:22,160 --> 01:16:25,320
01:16:27,740
Get on the TV
and make us sound good.
1242
01:16:28,370 --> 01:16:31,080
01:16:33,870
so we can have the people
hear about truth and freedom.
1244
01:16:34,040 --> 01:16:36,840
They'll believe you.
Get on there, man.
1245
01:16:37,000 --> 01:16:39,380
It's just not that simple.
I need a TelePrompTer
1246
01:16:39,550 --> 01:16:41,300
and I need proper copy.
1247
01:16:41,470 --> 01:16:44,010
- Then the pretty lady dies.
- Ron.
1248
01:16:44,180 --> 01:16:48,010
01:16:54,020
We're on live in ten, nine,
1250
01:16:54,190 --> 01:16:57,190
- eight, seven, six...
- I need a TelePrompTer, I can't!
1251
01:16:57,360 --> 01:17:01,190
- Ron...
- ...five, four,
1252
01:17:01,740 --> 01:17:03,780
three, two, and we're live.
1253
01:17:06,200 --> 01:17:08,530
What's happening, Daddy?
1254
01:17:09,910 --> 01:17:11,330
What happened to the TV?
1255
01:17:14,290 --> 01:17:16,830
- What in the Sam Hill?
- It's on all three channels.
1256
01:17:17,000 --> 01:17:19,380
Not a thing I can do.
They're breaking our signal.
1257
01:17:36,480 --> 01:17:38,150
What the hell's wrong with him?
1258
01:17:45,070 --> 01:17:48,950
Good Lord!
He's got no TelePrompTer.
1259
01:17:53,250 --> 01:17:56,170
He... has no words.
1260
01:18:08,220 --> 01:18:10,600
Wash... washcloth.
1261
01:18:12,430 --> 01:18:13,560
Damn it.
1262
01:18:25,990 --> 01:18:27,740
01:18:29,370
01:18:36,120
I can't think of a word.
Think of any word, just say it.
1265
01:18:37,290 --> 01:18:39,540
Camel...
1266
01:18:40,380 --> 01:18:44,050
Process the informa...
It's just a blank slate.
1267
01:18:44,210 --> 01:18:46,380
When I close my eyes,
it's a blank slate.
1268
01:18:46,550 --> 01:18:49,760
01:18:53,890
- Happy birthday to me.
- Ron, say something.
1270
01:18:54,060 --> 01:18:56,600
01:18:59,310
It's too loud. It's too loud.
1272
01:19:00,360 --> 01:19:02,150
01:19:04,280
Too loud. I'm Ron Channely...
1274
01:19:04,440 --> 01:19:07,950
I'm 01:19:11,780
Aspen, Colorado. 01:19:15,450
Astronauts are on the 01:19:19,080
- Watch out for the astronauts.
- Ron.
1278
01:19:22,000 --> 01:19:24,630
There's no TelePrompTer,
I can't do it.
1279
01:19:24,800 --> 01:19:28,590
Ron, it's jazz. It's jazz, baby.
1280
01:19:29,430 --> 01:19:33,140
- Let it flow. Let it flow.
- I can feel it.
1281
01:19:33,810 --> 01:19:35,180
I can feel it.
1282
01:19:38,350 --> 01:19:43,400
Good evening. I'm Ron Burgundy,
reporting from life.
1283
01:19:43,940 --> 01:19:47,570
I'd first like to apologize
for my past
1284
01:19:47,740 --> 01:19:49,990
and hateful transgressions.
1285
01:19:50,160 --> 01:19:52,410
I am sorry, dear San Diego.
1286
01:19:53,160 --> 01:19:56,040
First of all, I'd like you
to know that I'm safe.
1287
01:19:56,200 --> 01:19:59,210
However, I'm under
the careful scrutiny
1288
01:19:59,370 --> 01:20:03,290
of a group of young upstarts
who call themselves The Alarm Clock.
1289
01:20:04,210 --> 01:20:08,630
And I have to say, although
their methods may be questionable,
1290
01:20:08,800 --> 01:20:12,510
they are on the road
to righteous truth.
1291
01:20:12,680 --> 01:20:16,060
That's it, that's it.
Use them anchorman tricks.
1292
01:20:16,220 --> 01:20:17,720
Have all them people follow us.
1293
01:20:17,890 --> 01:20:20,850
A road that if you follow it
with your heart,
1294
01:20:21,020 --> 01:20:24,650
will lead you, oddly enough,
by the old 01:20:27,230
- you know, near the pickle stand...
- Wait.
1296
01:20:27,400 --> 01:20:30,070
He's giving directions
to where they are.
1297
01:20:30,240 --> 01:20:32,110
- Take this down.
- ...to Old Gearson Road.
1298
01:20:33,030 --> 01:20:36,780
A group that outshines
many of the radicals...
1299
01:20:36,950 --> 01:20:39,290
- Good. You're good.
- ...we come across today.
1300
01:20:39,450 --> 01:20:44,630
In fact, they are bright, pearly,
shining stars, that needn't be observed
1301
01:20:44,790 --> 01:20:48,840
by, say, a telescope
in an observatory.
1302
01:20:49,010 --> 01:20:52,050
- He's narc-ing!
- He's telling the cops where we are!
1303
01:20:52,220 --> 01:20:56,180
News team!
Commence Delta, Charlie, Charlie!
1304
01:20:56,350 --> 01:20:58,010
Yo, yo, yo! We've been burned!
1305
01:20:59,180 --> 01:21:01,600
What in the name of Solomon?
1306
01:21:02,850 --> 01:21:04,140
What the shit?
1307
01:21:06,560 --> 01:21:08,440
I'm gonna kill these punks.
1308
01:21:11,700 --> 01:21:13,820
- News team!
- Let's rock.
1309
01:22:03,000 --> 01:22:06,000
- Good work, team.
- Garbanzo!
1310
01:22:08,790 --> 01:22:11,670
It's just a new catch phrase
I was trying out instead of whammy.
1311
01:22:11,840 --> 01:22:14,380
No, I'd stick with whammy, Champ.
1312
01:22:15,050 --> 01:22:16,130
Whammy works.
1313
01:22:16,300 --> 01:22:18,680
I like whammy better.
Stick with whammy.
1314
01:22:19,680 --> 01:22:23,180
I'm not a fake!
Let the revolution begin!
1315
01:22:27,480 --> 01:22:30,560
Veronica!
1316
01:22:31,480 --> 01:22:34,860
Ron!
1317
01:22:38,910 --> 01:22:41,160
Spiderman's balls, that hurt!
1318
01:22:47,370 --> 01:22:50,790
Oh, 01:22:53,250
And I would not do that again.
1320
01:22:55,220 --> 01:22:58,300
Let's be clear on that.
I care for you deeply, but that...
1321
01:22:59,680 --> 01:23:02,600
It hurts!
Oh, it hurts like a bitchy-bitch.
1322
01:23:03,600 --> 01:23:06,810
01:23:11,230
that I should be with instead,
but I love you.
1324
01:23:44,560 --> 01:23:46,140
- Baby, cuff me back up.
- Yes.
1325
01:23:46,310 --> 01:23:48,810
- You're gonna get cuffed.
- Cuff me back up. Yes!
1326
01:23:48,980 --> 01:23:52,100
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah. Oh, now we're doing this.
1327
01:23:52,270 --> 01:23:54,520
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah! Yeah!
1328
01:23:55,690 --> 01:23:59,490
Oh, hey, say, you're cutting off
the circulation to my hindquarters.
1329
01:23:59,650 --> 01:24:01,820
- It's hypnotic...
- Release the pressure.
1330
01:24:01,990 --> 01:24:04,580
- ...yet disgusting.
- I'm gonna pass out.
1331
01:24:04,740 --> 01:24:06,950
- That feels good, baby.
- That feels good.
1332
01:24:07,120 --> 01:24:08,620
That's nice.
1333
01:24:09,660 --> 01:24:12,370
Now it's gonna get good.
Now it's gonna get good.
1334
01:24:14,460 --> 01:24:18,960
- Get it off, get it off.
- Get that off, get that off.
1335
01:24:27,470 --> 01:24:30,390
- Punch me in the arm. Again!
- Did it hurt, baby?
1336
01:24:30,560 --> 01:24:32,560
- Yes.
- Did it hurt?
1337
01:24:34,480 --> 01:24:36,360
Let me wake up the black lady.
1338
01:24:37,780 --> 01:24:39,280
Cuff me, cuff me, cuff me.
1339
01:24:39,440 --> 01:24:40,940
Cuff me, cuff... Cuff me.
1340
01:24:41,110 --> 01:24:42,990
Oh, yes, yes, yes!
1341
01:24:43,160 --> 01:24:45,820
- Slap it, slap me, slap me.
- What do I slap?
1342
01:24:45,990 --> 01:24:49,830
Slap my ass, Daddy!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
1343
01:24:50,000 --> 01:24:53,080
- I'm gonna punch it now.
- Oh, 01:24:55,960
- I wanna bite it!
- I like those tomatoes!
1345
01:24:58,670 --> 01:25:02,630
- I'm hungry.
- Yeah. We don't need to see this.
1346
01:25:02,800 --> 01:25:05,140
Let's go to Charlie Lancer's
and get you a candle.
1347
01:25:05,300 --> 01:25:07,550
- Candle!
- A nice red one.
1348
01:25:13,850 --> 01:25:16,190
As for the news team,
1349
01:25:16,360 --> 01:25:19,980
Brian Fantana is still
a successful reality TV host.
1350
01:25:20,530 --> 01:25:22,990
And recently,
he married Paula Abdul.
1351
01:25:23,150 --> 01:25:27,950
The ceremony took place at Shutters,
and Lorenzo Lamas was the best man.
1352
01:25:29,290 --> 01:25:32,000
Champ Kind
has fallen on hard times
1353
01:25:32,160 --> 01:25:34,750
since being fired
as an NFL commentator.
1354
01:25:34,920 --> 01:25:39,290
He now sells those big crayon balloons
in the parking lot of the Ice Capades,
1355
01:25:39,460 --> 01:25:43,130
and will say "whammy!"
at birthday parties for $20
1356
01:25:43,300 --> 01:25:45,510
and a 12-pack of Stroh's.
1357
01:25:46,010 --> 01:25:50,640
After serving as Bush's
top political advisor for three years,
1358
01:25:50,810 --> 01:25:53,390
Brick went in
to the private sector,
1359
01:25:53,560 --> 01:25:57,350
where he is now
the CEO of Halliburton.
1360
01:26:09,780 --> 01:26:12,330
01:26:15,870
We're doing a "when the newsman
becomes news" angle.
1362
01:26:16,040 --> 01:26:18,380
How would you like
to report your own story?
1363
01:26:22,960 --> 01:26:24,050
Network, huh?
1364
01:26:26,090 --> 01:26:30,510
I'm Ron Burgundy. If you're looking
for the best coverage of this story,
1365
01:26:30,680 --> 01:26:32,470
you need the best journalist.
1366
01:26:33,600 --> 01:26:36,560
And that would be
this little lady right behind me.
1367
01:26:38,270 --> 01:26:40,860
- Oh, no, Ron, I can't.
- Yes, you can.
1368
01:26:41,020 --> 01:26:44,280
You're the best I've ever seen,
and that's a fact.
1369
01:26:44,860 --> 01:26:47,360
- Oh, Ron.
- Can you feel it?
1370
01:26:48,030 --> 01:26:51,580
This is a very, very special
and emotional moment.
1371
01:26:52,290 --> 01:26:53,910
I've learned to accept you
for who you are
1372
01:26:54,080 --> 01:26:55,620
and I'm a much better man
because of it.
1373
01:26:55,790 --> 01:26:58,250
- Ron.
- It's so special.
1374
01:26:58,420 --> 01:27:01,960
- And it's happening right now.
- Honey, you're wrecking it.
1375
01:27:02,130 --> 01:27:03,460
Right.
1376
01:27:05,550 --> 01:27:07,300
Have at it, my little wild flower.
1377
01:27:20,100 --> 01:27:24,730
I'm Veronica Corningstone,
reporting for Channel 4 News.
1378
01:27:24,900 --> 01:27:27,110
Today could have been
a very dark day,
1379
01:27:27,280 --> 01:27:31,070
if not for the quick thinking
of one brave man:
1380
01:27:31,240 --> 01:27:34,700
- Ron Burgundy.
- Ron Burgundy, I hate you.
1381
01:27:36,660 --> 01:27:38,750
But damn it, I respect you.
1382
01:27:48,420 --> 01:27:53,760
Wes Mantooth is still
in San Diego and still number two.
1383
01:27:53,930 --> 01:27:58,430
And he still hates Ron Burgundy
with an unnatural burning intensity.
1384
01:27:58,940 --> 01:28:01,600
The Alarm Clock was jailed
for five years,
1385
01:28:01,770 --> 01:28:03,270
but upon being released,
1386
01:28:03,440 --> 01:28:06,270
started a little company
called Macintosh.
1387
01:28:06,440 --> 01:28:08,740
They are now worth
six billion dollars
1388
01:28:08,900 --> 01:28:11,740
and own the San Jose Sharks
hockey team.
1389
01:28:14,700 --> 01:28:17,370
All photos and tapes
of Ron Burgundy
1390
01:28:17,540 --> 01:28:21,160
have long since been
thrown away or erased.
1391
01:28:21,330 --> 01:28:24,130
He's but a memory now
for a select few.
1392
01:28:24,710 --> 01:28:30,130
But talk to one of those old timers,
and they'll lean in and say one thing:
1393
01:28:31,130 --> 01:28:33,300
Ron Burgundy was the truth.
113231
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.