All language subtitles for The Twilight Zone s02e28 Will the Real Martian Please Stand Up.eng

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You're traveling
through another dimension

a dimension not only
of sight and sound, but of mind

a journey into a wondrous land

whose boundaries
are that of imagination.

That's the signpost up ahead.

Your next stop,
the twilight zone.

See anything?

The tops of some trees
have been knocked down.

Looks like something
hit that pond.

Whatever it is will be under
the ice till next spring.

A meteor or something, probably.

I better check in.

That woman who phoned
said something

about calling out
the national guard.

This is 118-3a, 118-3a

reporting a check-out.

Go ahead.

Checking out a report on
an unidentified flying object.

Supposed to have landed
in the area of hook's landing.

Appears something
cut off the tops

of some trees.

Came down
in the ice

at tracy's pond

and we can't
see it now.

Bill?

Hold on.

Yeah?

There are footprints up here.

They come up
from the pond and...

looks like they got out
of whatever landed.

Appears to be
some evidence that...

we'll call you back.

What's it all about?

We don't know yet.

How's that?

We'll, uh... we'll call you back
in a little bit.

All right, padgett

but there's talk of the bridge
going out up there.

When you can, take a look

and make sure she's posted
and blocked off.

Enough ice jammed against it
to cool the congo.

Roger and out.

No question about it.

Something left
that pond...

and went over
to the diner.

Looks like a bus

in front
of that diner.

You don't suppose

it came out of
that pond, do you?

Very funny.

Sorry.

Let's leave the car

and follow
these tracks.

I want to be sure
they lead to the diner.

Wintry february night,
the present.

A phone call
from a frightened woman

notating the arrival
of an unidentified flying object

then the check-out you witnessed

with two state troopers
verifying the event

but with nothing
more enlightening to add

beyond evidence of some tracks

leading across the highway
to a diner.

You've heard of trying to find
a needle in a haystack?

Well, stay with us and you'll be
part of an investigating team

whose mission is not to find
that proverbial needle-

no, their task is even harder.

They've got to find
a martian in a diner

and in just a moment
you'll search with them

because you've just landed
in the twilight zone.

Trouble?

Whose bus is this
out here?

That's mine,
officer.

What's the problem?

The bridge up ahead

has been declared
temporarily impassable.

Ice floe stacked up
against it.

Another pound
of weight

and it could be
driftwood.

That's rough.

Can't go back.

There's a slide
up at the turnoff.

Blocked
the whole road.

Looks like
you're marooned.

Till morning, anyway.

Till morning?

I've got to be in
boston at 9:00 a.m.

You better start
walking, mister

because that bus stays out there
until they fix the bridge.

Either that or have them drop
some snowshoes.

So you might as well
all get comfortable

and get a little
hot food in you.

Oh, that's just great.

That's fine,
isn't it?

Get comfortable and get
a little hot food in you.

That's precious
little consolation

for missing my
meeting in boston.

That's a fine bus
line you work for.

They care so much

about their schedules,
don't they?

I wouldn't be too hard on them.

They have no control
over the snow, bridges

the sides of hills
that decide to come down.

That's pretty much
out of their hands.

What do you think?

They were all on the bus, weren't they?

What's the trouble?
You looking for somebody?

Driver, uh...

you got a passenger
manifest?

Passenger manifest?

What do you think

i got parked
out there, a 707?

That's a 14-year-old bus

and business is lousy.

My boss would run rum
across the border

if there was a profit in it.

I don't ask passengers
their names.

We kiss them gently
and help them in.

We're that glad to have them,
with or without names.

You know how many you had?

Six.

Unless one of them
fell out the window

when we hit
a bump.

I picked up six

and i'm supposed
to deliver six.

Nobody fell out.

Somebody must have jumped in.

There are seven here now.

That's funny.

I know i had
six people.

Thanks.

Tell me, was there
anybody in here

before the bus
stopped?

No, i haven't
served anybody

since 11:00
this morning.

I figured this whole
bunch got off the bus.

We did- there was no one
in here when we came in.

Then how do you account
for seven people?

That one beats me.

One of them didn't
get off the bus.

Which one of you
wasn't on the bus?

We were all
on the bus.

What kind of interrogation
is this, anyway?

If we're going to be grilled,
i want to talk to a lawyer.

That's a good one!

First he wants snowshoes,
then he wants a lawyer.

I don't remember
seeingyouon the bus.

That's quite funny

because i don't remember
seeing you neither.

Makes one of us a liar,
don't it?

This is preposterous.

What difference
does it make

who was on the bus
and who wasn't

or whether there were
six or seven or 120?

Is this a diner
or gestapo headquarters?

Oh, now, take it
easy, mister.

What's it all about?

Did you hear
anything

flying over
here tonight?

Flying over here?

No, i haven't heard anything.

We got a call
about two hours ago.

Woman said she heard something
fly over and then come down.

Fly over here?

From where?

From up
there.

An unidentified flying object.

Unidentified flying object?

Nothing's come down
from up there except snow.

That's all
i've seen

for the past
14 hours- snow.

Where did she say
it came down?

Close to here.

Look, something did
land in tracy's pond.

Left a trail
of broken branches

before it hit.

We found tracks
leading away from it.

To where?

To here.

You mean something landed
in tracy's pond

and then came in here?

That's crazy.

Nothing's come in here
since 11:00 this morning.

Nothing, except...

except me and
my passengers.

Me and
six people.

That means that...

one person here...

george, i don't
like this.

Easy, honey, easy.

Let me get
this straight.

You're trying
to tell us

that there's one
person in here

who landed in some
kind of a saucer

and then came
in here?

Came in here with us?

Well, that's just not possible.

We'd have seen them.

Not necessarily.

It's snowing
and dark.

We climbed off
of that bus

with our eyes closed
to get out of the snow.

Anyone could have come in with
us and we wouldn't have noticed.

You were all on
the bus together.

You would have known
who the other passengers were.

That don't
cut any ice.

They loaded in the
snow at hook's landing.

Tell you the truth,
i don't know who got on.

She's just like a science
fiction, that's what she is.

A regular ray bradbury.

Six humans
and one monster

from outer space...

you wouldn't happen
to have an eye

in the back
of your head, would you?

I find you offensive,
you know that?

What do you do now, officer?

Look, lady, this isn't exactly
par for our courses either.

We go off on a lot of nutty
assignments but this one...

wow.

Well, i know how you begin.

You pair off the couples.

Since it's just one person
who doesn't belong here, you...

you eliminate the couples.

We're exonerated.

Cross us off.

We're two
of the humans.

Us, too

my wife and i.

We're in the clear.

What's the matter?

I... i could
have sworn

you had a mole
on your chin.

Mole on my chin?

Connie, i've never had
a mole on my chin.

I can tell you
what's going to happen.

We're all going
to get so panicky

that everyone will
start picking up

invisible clues
from everybody else.

This is nonsense.

Of course it's nonsense

if a husband and wife
start wondering

whether the husband
is really the husband

and the wife... is...

now, wait a minute.

23 years is long enough

for a woman to know
who she's married to.

So i'll thank you
to stop looking at me

as if i'd just put on this face
as part of a costume.

I love this.

She don't know who he is.

He don't know who she is.

We don't know who she is.

And this lemon-sucker here

he's the most suspicious
of the bunch.

You got a back door
to this place?

Sure, why?

Go back there and lock it.

It's already
locked.

If that certain somebody
really is from outer space

they'll just go
through the wall.

Check them
for wings!

Check them for wings!

Look under their coats.

You got identification, grandpa?

Left it in the pond
in my spaceship.

Who won the world
series last year?

What is this, a sort of
prolonged practical joke?

I get it, i get it!

Pittsburgh pirates
won it.

Took four out of seven
from the yankees.

Eh?

Sharp boys,
real sharp boys.

Didn't figure us martians
would know nothing

about the great american
pastime, did you?

Huh? Huh!

You got
identification, miss?

Well, no,
as a matter of fact, i don't.

I left my wallet...
i left it in my suitcase.

It was shipped on ahead.

What's your name, miss?

Ethel mcconnell,
i'm a professional dancer.

How many legs?

I'm going to belt you, grandpa.

She was on the bus.

How do you know?

She's the only one
i noticed.

Well, thank you.

But who
noticed him?

How do we know
you're the same one

driving the bus?

Ain't nobody
been exonerated yet

that's for sure.

Let's cut this farce out.

We'll all show
our identifications

and put a stop to it.

The whole thing's ridiculous.

Then how do
you explain

the extra person
in here?

Yes, how
about that?

Very simple.

The driver's mistaken.

Seven people
got on the bus

and he thought
there were only six.

Is that
possible?

Not a chance
in the world.

I counted heads
before we took off.

There were
sixpeople.

Miss...

what caused that?

We, uh...

we may get a laugh
out of all this

in the morning

in the meantime

everyone stay right
where they are.

Where are the troopers?

Hmm? Oh,
stepped outside.

Snow stopped.

Say, haley...

that wasn't your gag,
was it?

I mean, the business about
the jukebox starting like that?

Not me. I'm strictly short
orders and pay your taxes.

I don't know anything
about science fiction.

A jukebox is a jukebox,
and if that thing

wants to start up
all on its own,

you'll check with an
electrical engineer.

Take me to your leader.

Take me to your leader!

Find anything?

No.

Took a look
at the bridge.

Holding up well.

I know
that bridge.

What's more,
i don't trust it.

Well,
thank goodness

we needn't
concern ourselves

with your judgment.

If the bridge gets
a clean bill of health

you'll drive that bus
right across it.

Listen, you may be
a big shot in boston

but when it comes
to bridges and buses

i got seniority

and i tell you

that bridge is
so old that...

hey, what is this?

Why did the lights
go out like that?

We may be
losing power.

This is weird.

This is
just plain weird.

Well, i wish
whoever it was

would play his
cards right now.

Why don't they
do something?

What's the point of us
all staying cooped up

in here like this
and... and not...

the point is
this, miss.

We're all kids
in a closet here.

Nobody understands
what's going on.

If there was some kind of a
saucer that landed in that pond

and he did
come in here

i think it would be
a real healthy idea

if we pinpointed that
particular somebody

and kept him
from leaving.

Makes sense.

Maybe whoever it is
is invisible.

Maybe they're
playing around.

Cat and mouse.

That is childish nonsense.

It's as good
an explanation

as any i've heard.

But what if the...

the thing doesn't
show itself?

Do we just sit here
holding our breath?

Yes. How about that?

Well, if somebody
was to ask me...

well, no one did ask you,
and no one will.

Why don't you leave
the old man alone.

Who invited you into this?

Well, i didn't realize we were
waiting for invitations,

but you've got this big thing
about bossing everybody around.

Look, it's tough enough
just sitting here without...

get over there
and sit down, gramps.

Yeah.

What's that?

It's okay?

All right, thanks.

The bridge is okay.

Well, it's about time.

Shall we go?

What do you think,
perry?

Can't hold them.

You're making
a big mistake, officer.

Big mistake.

You're letting
a monster out.

That may well be,
old man.

May well be.

Can't hold somebody

on suspicion
of being a monster.

You can roll them any time.

All right.

Are they sure
about that bridge?

I don't like
that sucker.

She swings
in the wind

and she's not
a suspension.

That was the county engineer.

The bridge has been checked out

and declared
passable.

We'll go on ahead,
cross the bridge first.

You can pay your checks
right over here

ladies and gentlemen.

Godspeed and
a safe trip.

And you all come back

and see us again,
you hear?

That is...
all but one of you.

Now, you had
the chili, right?

That's 90 cents.

Thank you.

And you had, what,
14 cups of coffee

that was $1.40.

Good-bye, officer.

Miss mcconnell.

Well, i counted seven.

That's right, seven.

Betcha by the time we get
to boston, there'll be 17.

Something for you?

Coffee- black.

One coffee, black.

Hey, uh,
didn't you, uh...

what i mean is...

didn't you go
out on that bus?

I did indeed.

Oh, yes, i went out
on that bus.

And do you know
something?

That bridge wasn't safe.

It collapsed.

The state police car,
the bus, everything

kerplunk, right into the river.

It was a terrible scene.

No one got out.

Except you.

Except me.

Lucky, i guess, huh?

Very lucky.

But... but...

but... what?

You're not even wet.

Wet...

what's "wet?"

What do you mean
"what's 'wet? '"

You landed in the river
but your clothes are all dry.

Illusion, that's all.

Just an illusion.

Like that jukebox
playing in the corner.

That's an
illusion, too.

Or, uh, that
telephone ringing.

That's an illusion.

Just a parlor trick.

What are you,
some kind of magician?

Who, me?

Oh, hardly.

Now, uh, before you,
uh, faint dead away

i ought to explain that
the name isn't really ross...

and, uh, i wasn't
really going to boston.

No, i was sent

as a kind of
advance scout.

You know, these, uh...
cigarettes, do you call them?

They taste wonderful.

We haven't got a thing
like this on mars.

That's incidentally
where i come from.

We're beginning to colonize.

My friends will be arriving
very shortly.

I think they're
going to like it here.

It's a lovely area.

So... so remote, so pleasant,
so off the beaten track.

Just the perfect
spot for a colony

don't you think,
mr. Haley?

While we're waiting

how about a little
what you call music?

I don't mind.

I have to do a
little waiting myself.

You see, mr. Ross...

my name isn't haley.

And i do agree with you.

This is an extraordinary
place to colonize.

We folks on venus
had the same idea.

We got it
several years ago.

And i think i really
ought to tell you now

that your friends
are not coming.

They've been
intercepted.

Oh, a colony is coming.

But it's from venus.

And if you're still alive...

i think you'll see
how we differ.

And i agree with you

about what they
call music.

Why don't you
play some?

Incident on a small island,
to be believed or disbelieved.

However, if a sour-faced dandy
named ross

or a big, good-natured
counterman who handles a spatula

as if he'd been born with one
in his mouth

if either of these two entities
walk onto your premises

you better hold their hands-
all three of them-

or check the color of
their eyes- all three of them.

The gentlemen in question

might try to pull you
into the twilight zone.

Rod serling, creator
ofthe twilight zone

will tell you
about next week's story

after this word
from our alternate sponsor.

And now, mr. Serling.

Mr. Burgess meredith is no
stranger to the twilight zone

but his role
in next week's story

is a unique one, even for him.

The time will be the future,
the place just about anywhere

where men have been taken over
by a machine state.

Our story is called
"the obsolete man."

It may chill, it may provoke

but we're rather certain
it will leave a mark.

Next week onthe twilight zone,
"the obsolete man."

Captioned by media access
group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org

hi, this is ed sullivan

reminding you that the colgate-
palmolive company

also brings you star-studded
entertainment on our show

on most of these same stations.

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