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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,035 --> 00:00:03,348 Previously on "Miracle Workers"... 2 00:00:03,382 --> 00:00:05,039 I want to do more to help. 3 00:00:05,074 --> 00:00:08,042 I will transfer you to the Department of Answered Prayers. 4 00:00:08,077 --> 00:00:09,733 Impossibles go all the way to the top. 5 00:00:09,768 --> 00:00:12,081 And so, if anyone can handle them, he can. 6 00:00:12,115 --> 00:00:14,704 I decided to blow up Earth. I guess that's it. 7 00:00:14,738 --> 00:00:17,603 If I answer one of these "Impossible" prayers, 8 00:00:17,638 --> 00:00:18,708 you spare Earth. 9 00:00:18,742 --> 00:00:20,399 It's a bet. 10 00:00:20,434 --> 00:00:22,160 I really like this girl. 11 00:00:22,194 --> 00:00:24,472 Okay, love prayers never work. 12 00:00:24,507 --> 00:00:25,646 But related prayer. 13 00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:27,820 I really like this guy. 14 00:00:28,752 --> 00:00:30,582 Okay. This could work. 15 00:00:41,144 --> 00:00:43,457 Rosie, if anyone comes looking for me, 16 00:00:43,491 --> 00:00:45,666 tell them I'm in a meeting. 17 00:00:45,700 --> 00:00:47,633 With God! 18 00:00:49,773 --> 00:00:52,673 Religion -- stupid, dangerous, pointless. 19 00:00:52,707 --> 00:00:53,881 Just everything up. 20 00:00:53,915 --> 00:00:55,538 Hey, I got all your missed calls. 21 00:00:55,572 --> 00:00:57,402 What's the emergency?Man: Love you, Bill! 22 00:00:57,436 --> 00:00:59,611 Have you heard of this guy Bill Maher? 23 00:00:59,645 --> 00:01:01,578 The talk-show guy? Yeah. 24 00:01:01,613 --> 00:01:02,855 Do you think he's funny? 25 00:01:02,890 --> 00:01:04,202 'Cause I've been watching his stuff, 26 00:01:04,236 --> 00:01:06,100 and I don't know about these jokes. 27 00:01:06,135 --> 00:01:08,102 You mean the jokes about you?Oh, no. 28 00:01:08,137 --> 00:01:09,862 I don't care about that. I mean 29 00:01:09,897 --> 00:01:13,176 No, I just -- I just don't -- I don't think he's funny. 30 00:01:13,211 --> 00:01:14,867 So, what do you want to do? 31 00:01:14,902 --> 00:01:18,388 Well, I mean, I wasn't thinking about "doing" anything. 32 00:01:18,423 --> 00:01:21,184 I'm just -- But now that you bring it up, 33 00:01:21,219 --> 00:01:23,186 what's that thing that where we can, uh... 34 00:01:23,221 --> 00:01:24,843 you know... Kill him? 35 00:01:24,877 --> 00:01:26,534 Whoa! Sanj! 36 00:01:26,569 --> 00:01:29,365 Did you just drop the "K" bomb? Wow! 37 00:01:29,399 --> 00:01:31,884 Wouldn't want to get on your bad side, Ice Man. 38 00:01:32,954 --> 00:01:34,301 Ai-ai-uh-uh! Whoo! Uh! 39 00:01:34,335 --> 00:01:35,440 Ooh! Freezer burn. 40 00:01:37,235 --> 00:01:38,546 But, yeah, kill him. 41 00:01:38,581 --> 00:01:40,583 Okay. Well, the good news is, 42 00:01:40,617 --> 00:01:42,516 Bill Maher's already scheduled to die 43 00:01:42,550 --> 00:01:44,863 along with everyone else, when the Earth explodes in 13 days. 44 00:01:44,897 --> 00:01:46,865 You know what's funny, is that, 45 00:01:46,899 --> 00:01:50,938 you know how sometimes, like, a day can feel so long? 46 00:01:50,972 --> 00:01:52,491 Okay, I'll go find a way to kill him. 47 00:01:52,526 --> 00:01:54,769 Ice Man. 48 00:01:54,804 --> 00:01:56,392 I love you, buddy. 49 00:01:56,426 --> 00:01:57,669 Okay. 50 00:02:29,632 --> 00:02:31,358 Okay. 51 00:02:31,392 --> 00:02:32,876 If we're gonna get these humans kissing, 52 00:02:32,911 --> 00:02:34,361 we need to know more about them. Right. 53 00:02:34,395 --> 00:02:36,742 First up, we have Laura. 24 years old. 54 00:02:36,777 --> 00:02:40,574 Works at an escape room called "Solitary Confunment." 55 00:02:40,608 --> 00:02:42,852 Listen up, ya jailbirds. 56 00:02:42,886 --> 00:02:45,855 A couple of ground rules, see? 57 00:02:45,889 --> 00:02:48,271 Don't touch the actors, see? 58 00:02:48,306 --> 00:02:51,447 And if you're looking for some clues, just ask the... 59 00:02:51,481 --> 00:02:52,931 warden. 60 00:02:52,965 --> 00:02:54,415 Woman: End clip. 61 00:02:54,450 --> 00:02:56,245 What about Sam? What's his deal? 62 00:02:56,279 --> 00:02:57,970 So, Sam is also 24 years old. 63 00:02:58,005 --> 00:02:59,558 He was born with extra teeth, 64 00:02:59,593 --> 00:03:01,457 and he seems to really love his grandmother. 65 00:03:01,491 --> 00:03:03,321 Both: Yahtzee! 66 00:03:05,771 --> 00:03:08,257 Oh, this might be harder than we thought. 67 00:03:08,291 --> 00:03:10,638 Well, look, neither of them are particularly socially adept. 68 00:03:10,673 --> 00:03:13,434 But I ran a compatibility check, 69 00:03:13,469 --> 00:03:16,541 and they scored a 98%. 70 00:03:16,575 --> 00:03:19,302 Whoa! They have so much in common. 71 00:03:19,337 --> 00:03:21,235 They both pretend to text in elevators 72 00:03:21,270 --> 00:03:22,788 in order to avoid potential small talk. 73 00:03:22,823 --> 00:03:24,445 They were both accidentally omitted 74 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:25,964 from their high-school yearbook.Both: Dang. 75 00:03:25,998 --> 00:03:27,759 They laugh at the same insurance commercial, 76 00:03:27,793 --> 00:03:29,554 they cry at the same car commercial, 77 00:03:29,588 --> 00:03:32,936 and they sing along incorrectly to the same dumb commercial. 78 00:03:35,870 --> 00:03:37,907 Ooh, they both love gye-ros with extra green onions. 79 00:03:37,941 --> 00:03:39,495 I think it's pronounced "jai-ros" but yes, 80 00:03:39,529 --> 00:03:40,944 and they both have matching pollen allergies. 81 00:03:42,429 --> 00:03:43,878 No wonder they want to be together. 82 00:03:43,913 --> 00:03:45,984 Unfortunately, they are both so shy 83 00:03:46,018 --> 00:03:47,917 that they haven't actually communicated 84 00:03:47,951 --> 00:03:49,781 since the night they met. 85 00:03:49,815 --> 00:03:51,748 What are they waiting for? 86 00:03:51,783 --> 00:03:53,750 A sign. 87 00:03:53,785 --> 00:03:55,994 Cool. How does it work? 88 00:03:56,028 --> 00:04:00,274 We send them subtle clues to gently influence their actions. 89 00:04:00,309 --> 00:04:02,276 -Huh. -Yeah! 90 00:04:02,311 --> 00:04:03,898 Now, on the night they met, they had 91 00:04:03,933 --> 00:04:07,316 a fascinating conversation about the game of badminton. 92 00:04:07,350 --> 00:04:08,938 Let's have a listen. 93 00:04:08,972 --> 00:04:11,320 So, I hit the badminton thing with the badminton racket, 94 00:04:11,354 --> 00:04:13,736 and I was like, "Badminton's fun. 95 00:04:13,770 --> 00:04:15,772 I think I like badminton." 96 00:04:15,807 --> 00:04:17,740 Wow. I-I've never played badminton, 97 00:04:17,774 --> 00:04:18,982 but I really want to now. 98 00:04:19,017 --> 00:04:20,639 You should!Woman: End clip. 99 00:04:20,674 --> 00:04:22,331 They spoke of badminton. 100 00:04:22,365 --> 00:04:24,988 Thus, if we remind them of badminton, 101 00:04:25,023 --> 00:04:26,990 they will see it as a sign -- 102 00:04:27,025 --> 00:04:28,923 a call to arms. 103 00:04:28,958 --> 00:04:31,478 Each other's arms, as it were. 104 00:04:32,617 --> 00:04:34,032 Yeah. I mean, I don't know. 105 00:04:34,066 --> 00:04:36,759 The game begins. 106 00:04:41,833 --> 00:04:45,112 So, I found some build-up in Bill Maher's left ventricle. 107 00:04:45,146 --> 00:04:46,838 Looks like all we have to do is thicken it up, 108 00:04:46,872 --> 00:04:49,392 and he'll have a massive heart attack by end of day. 109 00:04:49,427 --> 00:04:51,774 Wow, that's great, Sanjay! 110 00:04:51,808 --> 00:04:53,638 So we could explode his heart... Mm-hmm. 111 00:04:53,672 --> 00:04:54,915 ...or his lungs... 112 00:04:54,949 --> 00:04:56,468 or his penis. 113 00:04:56,503 --> 00:04:57,814 Explode his penis? 114 00:04:57,849 --> 00:04:59,747 Whoa, Sanjay! 115 00:04:59,782 --> 00:05:01,404 Now, that'san idea! 116 00:05:01,439 --> 00:05:02,992 Oh, no. I don't know if, uh, that's... Rosie! 117 00:05:03,026 --> 00:05:04,856 ...something that... 118 00:05:04,890 --> 00:05:06,513 Wow, you're not gonna believe this. 119 00:05:06,547 --> 00:05:10,344 Sanjay, tell Rosie your idea about Bill Maher. 120 00:05:10,379 --> 00:05:13,451 About his penis. 121 00:05:13,485 --> 00:05:18,628 I guess, uh...my idea... 122 00:05:18,663 --> 00:05:21,390 is to explode his penis. 123 00:05:21,424 --> 00:05:23,944 Wow. I know. 124 00:05:23,978 --> 00:05:26,533 Ice Man is on the warpath. 125 00:05:26,567 --> 00:05:28,914 Better go handle that. 126 00:05:31,020 --> 00:05:33,919 So, uh, I guess, uh, we should probably get started. 127 00:05:33,954 --> 00:05:36,784 No. This is all you. 128 00:05:36,819 --> 00:05:39,062 This is insane! 129 00:05:39,097 --> 00:05:40,892 I'm an executive. 130 00:05:42,756 --> 00:05:44,654 Have fun! 131 00:05:44,689 --> 00:05:46,794 Gust. Gust. 132 00:05:46,829 --> 00:05:49,901 Breeze. Zephyr. 133 00:05:49,935 --> 00:05:52,559 Quarter-breeze. Updraft. 134 00:05:52,593 --> 00:05:54,664 Yes! Boo-yah! 135 00:05:54,699 --> 00:05:57,046 In a mere six hours, I've successfully blown 136 00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:59,151 a badminton birdie from a rooftop court 137 00:05:59,186 --> 00:06:01,740 all the way to Laura's living room. 138 00:06:01,775 --> 00:06:04,398 That is what I call a sign. 139 00:06:06,849 --> 00:06:08,851 Mmm. What is that? 140 00:06:08,885 --> 00:06:10,956 It's a mustard packet. It's a little treat. 141 00:06:10,991 --> 00:06:12,924 You do something good, you get a little reward. 142 00:06:12,958 --> 00:06:15,064 Here. Have one. 143 00:06:15,098 --> 00:06:16,962 Oh, hello. Look. It's happening. 144 00:06:20,138 --> 00:06:23,175 Hmm. 145 00:06:23,624 --> 00:06:26,524 Okay. Onto the next sign. 146 00:06:26,558 --> 00:06:28,491 Craig, okay, I've been doing research, 147 00:06:28,526 --> 00:06:31,114 and it seems like people never pick up on signs. 148 00:06:31,149 --> 00:06:33,807 Okay? No matter how obvious they are. Look. 149 00:06:33,841 --> 00:06:35,429 Ooh! 150 00:06:35,464 --> 00:06:38,052 'Tis a crow-y day, indeed. 151 00:06:38,087 --> 00:06:40,710 Well, time for the theater. 152 00:06:40,745 --> 00:06:42,436 This will be a normal night. 153 00:06:42,471 --> 00:06:45,128 See? This badminton thing is not gonna work. 154 00:06:45,163 --> 00:06:47,234 We need to be bolder. 155 00:06:47,268 --> 00:06:48,131 What? 156 00:06:48,166 --> 00:06:50,133 Eliza? 157 00:06:50,168 --> 00:06:52,584 Out of my way, black cat. 158 00:06:52,619 --> 00:06:54,966 I'm late for my fun play. 159 00:07:15,504 --> 00:07:18,092 Hey, colleagues! 160 00:07:18,127 --> 00:07:21,958 Ahh! I'm Sanjay from upstairs. 161 00:07:21,993 --> 00:07:24,858 Love what you guys do down here.Oh, thanks. 162 00:07:24,892 --> 00:07:27,101 Um, we -- we hardly ever get acknowledged, so -- 163 00:07:27,136 --> 00:07:29,759 Listen, I'm gonna need you to explode Bill Maher's penis. 164 00:07:29,794 --> 00:07:31,796 What? It's important. 165 00:07:31,830 --> 00:07:34,108 Um, sir, I-I think there's been a misunderstanding 166 00:07:34,143 --> 00:07:35,800 about what we do here in Genitals. 167 00:07:35,834 --> 00:07:37,180 Our powers are extremely limited. 168 00:07:37,215 --> 00:07:39,804 We mainly just try to enforce puberty. 169 00:07:39,838 --> 00:07:41,530 Well, I need this dick exploded. 170 00:07:41,564 --> 00:07:45,154 So I guess you better get to it, huh? 171 00:07:45,188 --> 00:07:48,157 Thaaaaanks, guys. 172 00:07:48,191 --> 00:07:49,676 Okay. 173 00:07:49,710 --> 00:07:51,471 Do you guys know how to... 174 00:07:52,748 --> 00:07:55,026 Ha! I figured it out. 175 00:07:55,060 --> 00:07:56,683 We can get Sam and Laura together. 176 00:07:56,717 --> 00:07:59,548 We just need to engineer... a Chance Encounter. 177 00:07:59,582 --> 00:08:01,584 Oh, no. Those are very risky. 178 00:08:01,619 --> 00:08:02,827 Check it out. 179 00:08:02,861 --> 00:08:04,967 They both live near the same hospital, 180 00:08:05,001 --> 00:08:07,141 so all we need to do is get them there at the same time. 181 00:08:07,176 --> 00:08:09,040 Step one -- injure Laura. 182 00:08:09,074 --> 00:08:12,146 I found a melon near an open window along her route to work. 183 00:08:12,181 --> 00:08:14,252 We blow it off, it clonks her on the head, 184 00:08:14,286 --> 00:08:16,012 and she goes straight to the ER. 185 00:08:16,047 --> 00:08:19,291 With Sam, I figure we just pop his appendix. 186 00:08:19,326 --> 00:08:20,776 They spot each other in the ER, 187 00:08:20,810 --> 00:08:24,780 sparks fly, they kiss. 188 00:08:24,814 --> 00:08:26,920 World saved. 189 00:08:26,954 --> 00:08:29,543 Okay. It's very -- It's -- I don't -- 190 00:08:29,578 --> 00:08:30,820 I don't know, though. Um... 191 00:08:30,855 --> 00:08:32,304 Oh, don't worry. Appendixes are easy. 192 00:08:32,339 --> 00:08:34,168 Look, there's even a button for it. 193 00:08:34,203 --> 00:08:35,342 Oh, you've seen that. 194 00:08:35,376 --> 00:08:37,102 Um... I know. 195 00:08:37,137 --> 00:08:39,726 This is not the kind of stuff you usually do, 196 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:42,004 and it's a little, you know -- 197 00:08:42,038 --> 00:08:43,661 It's outside of your comfort zone, 198 00:08:43,695 --> 00:08:45,352 and I get why you're scared. 199 00:08:45,386 --> 00:08:47,112 Oh, no. No. I'm not scared. 200 00:08:47,147 --> 00:08:48,631 You're not? No. 201 00:08:48,666 --> 00:08:51,116 I'm a bold, intrepid man with a strong mind. 202 00:08:51,151 --> 00:08:52,117 I'm a risk taker. 203 00:08:52,152 --> 00:08:55,155 I'm a big, bad boy. 204 00:08:55,189 --> 00:08:57,951 So that's a yes to the plan? 205 00:08:57,985 --> 00:08:59,021 Yes. 206 00:08:59,055 --> 00:09:00,022 Yes? Yes. 207 00:09:00,056 --> 00:09:01,782 Yes! Yeah. 208 00:09:01,817 --> 00:09:04,060 Oh, yes. Okay. 209 00:09:04,095 --> 00:09:07,201 I hope these lovebirds like hospital food. 210 00:09:09,341 --> 00:09:12,621 Oh, Jean-Claude, I'd be lost without you. 211 00:09:12,655 --> 00:09:14,036 Don't neglect the heel cap. 212 00:09:14,070 --> 00:09:15,347 You know what they say. 213 00:09:15,382 --> 00:09:16,866 It's not the clothes that make the man. 214 00:09:16,901 --> 00:09:18,316 It's the man who makes the -- 215 00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:19,835 Aren't you meant to be off dealing with that penis? 216 00:09:19,869 --> 00:09:21,837 Oh, yeah. I put someone on that. 217 00:09:21,871 --> 00:09:24,391 Part of being an executive is knowing when to delegate. 218 00:09:24,425 --> 00:09:26,289 God: Sanjay! Get in here! 219 00:09:26,324 --> 00:09:27,636 You don't have to come. 220 00:09:29,707 --> 00:09:31,122 Look at this! Bill Maher, 221 00:09:31,156 --> 00:09:32,951 or should we say "Bill More," 222 00:09:32,986 --> 00:09:34,988 was feeling cocky as he dragged 223 00:09:35,022 --> 00:09:37,784 more than one hot dog down the street. 224 00:09:37,818 --> 00:09:38,888 His dick grew! 225 00:09:38,923 --> 00:09:41,339 We asked the anti-religious provocateur 226 00:09:41,373 --> 00:09:44,031 how he felt about his blessing, and the funnyman quipped, 227 00:09:44,066 --> 00:09:46,827 "God is as fake as my dick is huge." 228 00:09:46,862 --> 00:09:48,829 Happy birthday to Bill Maher! 229 00:09:48,864 --> 00:09:50,279 Come on!I don't know what happened! 230 00:09:50,313 --> 00:09:51,694 I'll tell you what happened. 231 00:09:51,729 --> 00:09:53,178 You messed up, man! 232 00:09:53,213 --> 00:09:54,835 I thought you could handle this. 233 00:09:54,870 --> 00:09:56,906 You're supposed to be an executive. 234 00:09:59,288 --> 00:10:03,637 Stick around for more girthy gossip right after the break. 235 00:10:03,672 --> 00:10:04,880 All right. 236 00:10:04,914 --> 00:10:07,779 Melon is in position. 237 00:10:07,814 --> 00:10:10,023 All we gotta do now is hit this button, 238 00:10:10,057 --> 00:10:11,645 and bonk! We're in business. 239 00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:13,820 Woman: Laura approaching. 240 00:10:13,854 --> 00:10:15,649 All right. Let's do this. 241 00:10:18,169 --> 00:10:19,446 Oh, no! Wait! 242 00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:21,828 Um, we -- we don't have enough power 243 00:10:21,862 --> 00:10:23,692 to execute this sequence.What? 244 00:10:23,726 --> 00:10:27,143 We need to increase the voltage to the valve coil, 245 00:10:27,178 --> 00:10:28,697 which is sort of down there a bit. 246 00:10:28,731 --> 00:10:29,836 Oh. Oh, okay. 247 00:10:29,870 --> 00:10:31,009 Yeah. Yeah. Okay, thank you. 248 00:10:31,044 --> 00:10:32,321 Dream team. Whoo-hoo, yes. 249 00:10:45,334 --> 00:10:47,025 Huh. 250 00:10:47,060 --> 00:10:51,029 I couldn't find a breaker box or anything resembling a -- 251 00:10:52,168 --> 00:10:53,480 What the 252 00:10:53,514 --> 00:10:56,310 What happened? Oh, no! 253 00:10:56,345 --> 00:10:57,864 Did it fall early?! 254 00:10:57,898 --> 00:11:00,142 Oh, what a disappointment for both of us. 255 00:11:01,868 --> 00:11:04,180 So, I had an idea for a sign 256 00:11:04,215 --> 00:11:06,286 involving their matching pollen allergies. 257 00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:08,012 Did you do this? 258 00:11:10,048 --> 00:11:11,843 Yes! Yes, yes! Why? 259 00:11:11,878 --> 00:11:13,017 Because I -- If I can be extremely blunt, 260 00:11:13,051 --> 00:11:16,848 I just thought that your plan was maybe possibly -- 261 00:11:16,883 --> 00:11:17,918 Stupid. My plan was stupid. 262 00:11:17,953 --> 00:11:18,988 No.Is that what you're saying? 263 00:11:19,023 --> 00:11:20,369 No, no, no, no, no. 264 00:11:20,403 --> 00:11:22,060 It's -- It's just that, yesterday, you -- 265 00:11:22,095 --> 00:11:24,338 you did cause that typhoon, 266 00:11:24,373 --> 00:11:26,478 which unfortunately killed many people, and then, 267 00:11:26,513 --> 00:11:28,204 after that, you convinced God to blow up the Earth, 268 00:11:28,239 --> 00:11:31,932 so I just think that a little bit of caution is advisable. 269 00:11:31,967 --> 00:11:34,935 You're not cautious, Craig. 270 00:11:34,970 --> 00:11:36,281 You're a coward. 271 00:11:40,182 --> 00:11:42,011 Man: Oh, shit. My melon. 272 00:11:42,046 --> 00:11:43,806 Man #2: There goes our fruit salad. 273 00:11:43,841 --> 00:11:45,394 Barbara's gonna be furious. 274 00:11:53,264 --> 00:11:54,541 Oh. 275 00:11:54,575 --> 00:11:56,198 Good. There you are. 276 00:11:56,232 --> 00:11:57,924 Um... 277 00:11:57,958 --> 00:12:00,823 can we go back downstairs where it's not as dangerous 278 00:12:00,858 --> 00:12:03,515 and there's not ledges to stand near? 279 00:12:03,550 --> 00:12:05,379 Uh, right you are. 280 00:12:10,074 --> 00:12:12,283 I'm very sorry that I broke the melon. 281 00:12:12,317 --> 00:12:14,112 It's fine. 282 00:12:14,147 --> 00:12:17,529 I was just trying to help, but, as usual, 283 00:12:17,564 --> 00:12:19,117 I made things worse. 284 00:12:19,152 --> 00:12:22,189 Eliza, you're down on yourself, and I get it. 285 00:12:22,224 --> 00:12:24,364 If the world explodes, then you will go down 286 00:12:24,398 --> 00:12:25,952 as history's greatest murderer. 287 00:12:25,986 --> 00:12:27,919 Nobody wants that.From now on, 288 00:12:27,954 --> 00:12:30,232 I am just going to stay out of the way. 289 00:12:30,266 --> 00:12:31,405 No. Please no. 290 00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:34,132 I need you in the way. Why? 291 00:12:34,167 --> 00:12:35,962 Because you were right about me. 292 00:12:35,996 --> 00:12:37,239 Right? I am not brave. 293 00:12:37,273 --> 00:12:39,551 Not even slightly. But you are. 294 00:12:39,586 --> 00:12:41,001 And -- And that -- That's -- 295 00:12:41,036 --> 00:12:42,934 That's what Earth needs right now. 296 00:12:42,969 --> 00:12:45,523 And I certainly can't do this without you. 297 00:12:48,077 --> 00:12:50,217 Also, I've been thinking about it, and you were right. 298 00:12:50,252 --> 00:12:52,944 A Chance Encounter really might work. 299 00:12:52,979 --> 00:12:56,120 We just have to refine the execution a bit. 300 00:12:56,154 --> 00:12:57,569 How? 301 00:12:57,604 --> 00:12:59,917 Well, I don't know yet, but I was kind of hoping 302 00:12:59,951 --> 00:13:01,263 we could figure that out together. 303 00:13:07,062 --> 00:13:08,304 Okay. 304 00:13:08,339 --> 00:13:09,547 Okay. Downstairs? 305 00:13:09,581 --> 00:13:10,997 Yes. Thank you, 306 00:13:11,031 --> 00:13:12,895 thank you. 307 00:13:18,418 --> 00:13:20,075 What the shit?! 308 00:13:20,109 --> 00:13:22,111 Oh, I-I-I can explain. 309 00:13:22,146 --> 00:13:25,114 We pumped Bill Maher's glands full of hormones in hopes 310 00:13:25,149 --> 00:13:28,221 that his penis would expand and then pop like a balloon, 311 00:13:28,255 --> 00:13:31,327 and everything was going smoothly, but then -- 312 00:13:31,362 --> 00:13:33,053 What?! 313 00:13:33,088 --> 00:13:35,435 As Bill's penis became larger, 314 00:13:35,469 --> 00:13:38,438 it grew more -- more beautiful. 315 00:13:38,472 --> 00:13:40,854 At a certain point, we realized it would be immoral for us 316 00:13:40,889 --> 00:13:42,407 to destroy something so perfect. 317 00:13:42,442 --> 00:13:43,857 I don't care. 318 00:13:43,892 --> 00:13:45,203 This is coming from the top! 319 00:13:45,238 --> 00:13:47,550 Just blow it up! 320 00:13:47,585 --> 00:13:51,140 With respect, we refuse. 321 00:13:51,175 --> 00:13:53,246 This isn't the Department of Anuses. 322 00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:55,006 We have integrity. 323 00:13:55,041 --> 00:13:56,249 Okay, fine! 324 00:13:56,283 --> 00:13:58,941 I'll do it myself! 325 00:13:58,976 --> 00:14:00,943 Woman: Pump-O-Tron activated. 326 00:14:03,290 --> 00:14:05,120 Why isn't this working? 327 00:14:05,154 --> 00:14:07,087 You have to put your eyes up to the eye hole, 328 00:14:07,122 --> 00:14:10,263 and, uh, stare at the penis when you pump. 329 00:14:10,297 --> 00:14:12,230 Why? 330 00:14:12,265 --> 00:14:14,060 Uh, I don't... 331 00:14:16,994 --> 00:14:18,374 How many pumps is this gonna take? 332 00:14:18,409 --> 00:14:19,962 50,000. 333 00:14:19,997 --> 00:14:23,000 50,000? 334 00:14:23,034 --> 00:14:25,278 Yeah. 50,000. 335 00:14:29,592 --> 00:14:31,077 1. 336 00:14:31,111 --> 00:14:33,079 2. 337 00:14:33,113 --> 00:14:35,012 Okay, here's our target -- Bob's Hummus House. 338 00:14:35,046 --> 00:14:37,428 It's perfect -- halfway between Sam 339 00:14:37,462 --> 00:14:40,189 and Laura's apartments.And, most importantly, it serves their favorite food. 340 00:14:40,224 --> 00:14:41,501 Gyros. 341 00:14:41,535 --> 00:14:43,089 Let's get them there. 342 00:14:43,123 --> 00:14:45,712 First step -- cut off their food supply. 343 00:14:45,746 --> 00:14:48,542 Oh. Dang. 344 00:14:48,577 --> 00:14:49,681 Laura's a little trickier. 345 00:14:49,716 --> 00:14:51,097 She never has any food in the house. 346 00:14:51,131 --> 00:14:52,443 Always orders in. 347 00:14:52,477 --> 00:14:54,963 Lucky for us, there's a simple fix. 348 00:14:54,997 --> 00:14:57,620 We blow up the satellite for her cellphone provider. 349 00:15:01,107 --> 00:15:02,418 Oh, dang. 350 00:15:02,453 --> 00:15:05,352 Nice work. Now to lure them in. 351 00:15:16,467 --> 00:15:18,987 Mmm, gye-ro. 352 00:15:20,574 --> 00:15:22,335 Mmm. 353 00:15:22,369 --> 00:15:23,923 Jai-ros. 354 00:15:25,648 --> 00:15:29,273 30 seconds to contact. 355 00:15:29,307 --> 00:15:30,688 Wait. Why is Sam stopping? 356 00:15:30,722 --> 00:15:32,552 Ooh, pizza. 357 00:15:32,586 --> 00:15:33,760 No, no, no. What? 358 00:15:33,794 --> 00:15:34,761 No, I've scanned the route three times. 359 00:15:34,795 --> 00:15:37,281 Every place Sam likes should be closed by now. 360 00:15:37,315 --> 00:15:39,248 No, something's happening at Pizza Bongiorno. 361 00:15:39,283 --> 00:15:42,010 If you're just joining us, comedian Bill Maher 362 00:15:42,044 --> 00:15:45,082 is dead after a tragic and confusing incident 363 00:15:45,116 --> 00:15:48,016 that has shaken the world of comedy and medicine. 364 00:15:48,050 --> 00:15:50,018 We have to close that shop. Now. 365 00:15:50,052 --> 00:15:52,123 Maher's family has announced that the funeral 366 00:15:52,158 --> 00:15:54,229 will "definitely be closed casket." 367 00:15:54,263 --> 00:15:56,507 Aaaah! 368 00:15:58,440 --> 00:15:59,717 I did it. 369 00:16:01,477 --> 00:16:03,100 It's done. 370 00:16:03,134 --> 00:16:06,137 Look. Look, he's turning back around. 371 00:16:06,172 --> 00:16:07,621 Yes! 372 00:16:07,656 --> 00:16:09,451 Awesome work. We're back on track. 373 00:16:09,485 --> 00:16:10,624 Thank you, and this pizza gentleman 374 00:16:10,659 --> 00:16:11,522 is gonna live, right? 375 00:16:11,556 --> 00:16:13,731 We are back on track. 376 00:16:20,462 --> 00:16:21,428 No! They're gonna miss each other! 377 00:16:21,463 --> 00:16:22,429 What do we do now? 378 00:16:22,464 --> 00:16:24,466 I've got an idea. 379 00:16:29,781 --> 00:16:31,438 Matching pollen allergies. 380 00:16:31,473 --> 00:16:32,819 You're good. 381 00:16:32,853 --> 00:16:34,821 Gesundheit. 382 00:16:34,855 --> 00:16:36,271 Sam? 383 00:16:36,305 --> 00:16:38,031 Laura? 384 00:16:38,066 --> 00:16:40,068 Wow. 385 00:16:41,448 --> 00:16:43,623 Now what? 386 00:16:43,657 --> 00:16:46,729 Now we just sit back and watch the sparks fly. 387 00:16:54,599 --> 00:16:56,532 Remember the bathroom line at the party? 388 00:16:56,567 --> 00:16:58,638 Yeah, yeah. 389 00:16:58,672 --> 00:17:00,433 It was long. 390 00:17:00,467 --> 00:17:02,573 Ohh, no. 391 00:17:02,607 --> 00:17:03,850 -Not like here. -Nope. 392 00:17:03,884 --> 00:17:07,716 There's -- There's no bathroom line. 393 00:17:07,750 --> 00:17:09,614 Nope. 394 00:17:09,649 --> 00:17:11,720 I can't watch this.It's really hard to watch. 395 00:17:17,139 --> 00:17:19,417 Can I maybe get your number?Do you want to hang out sometime? 396 00:17:19,452 --> 00:17:20,763 Both: Yes. 397 00:17:20,798 --> 00:17:21,557 What?! Yes! 398 00:17:21,592 --> 00:17:22,593 Yes! Go on! 399 00:17:22,627 --> 00:17:24,112 Oh, yes! Never in doubt! 400 00:17:24,146 --> 00:17:25,768 Yes! Yeah! Yes! 401 00:17:25,803 --> 00:17:27,391 Yes! Oh! 402 00:17:27,425 --> 00:17:28,530 -Go! -Yes! 403 00:17:28,564 --> 00:17:31,119 Go, Sam and Laura. 404 00:17:31,153 --> 00:17:33,742 Oh, thank you. Help yourself to one of these.Oh, no. 405 00:17:33,776 --> 00:17:34,743 I'm gonna put you in your phone. 406 00:17:34,777 --> 00:17:36,572 My -- Your -- 407 00:17:36,607 --> 00:17:38,574 I'm gonna put my name as "Sam." Sam. Yeah. 408 00:17:39,713 --> 00:17:42,095 All right, Sanjay! 409 00:17:42,130 --> 00:17:44,270 I hope you're proud. You look proud. 410 00:17:44,304 --> 00:17:46,479 Tell you what, I'm proud of you. Wow. 411 00:17:46,513 --> 00:17:49,654 I mean, I know how much you hated Bill Maher. 412 00:17:49,689 --> 00:17:51,794 How much he hurt you. 413 00:17:51,829 --> 00:17:53,796 And it would've been so easy for you 414 00:17:53,831 --> 00:17:56,351 to just keep taking the hits, night after night, 415 00:17:56,385 --> 00:17:57,766 special after special. 416 00:17:57,800 --> 00:17:59,354 But you stuck to your guns, 417 00:17:59,388 --> 00:18:03,185 and that's why you are one heck of an executive. 418 00:18:03,220 --> 00:18:06,119 Thanks, God. 419 00:18:06,154 --> 00:18:07,569 All right. 420 00:18:07,603 --> 00:18:09,778 I hope you're hungry for some gumbo. 421 00:18:09,812 --> 00:18:11,193 What? 422 00:18:11,228 --> 00:18:12,194 Aah! 423 00:18:12,815 --> 00:18:14,472 For Lazy Susan's! 424 00:18:14,507 --> 00:18:16,302 Oh, I bet you thought I forget about our restaurant. 425 00:18:16,336 --> 00:18:18,649 Now, don't worry. I am still all in, 426 00:18:18,683 --> 00:18:20,547 fully committed to our dream. 427 00:18:20,582 --> 00:18:24,620 Now, I need you to taste-test all of these gumbos immediately. 428 00:18:24,655 --> 00:18:27,727 They range from very thick to almost solid. 429 00:18:27,761 --> 00:18:30,868 Can Rosie taste some of the gumbos?I'm allergic. 430 00:18:30,902 --> 00:18:33,388 Well, that's more for you. 431 00:18:33,422 --> 00:18:36,701 Ah, love you, buddy. I love you. 432 00:18:36,736 --> 00:18:38,600 Uh-huh. 433 00:18:38,634 --> 00:18:40,602 Oh, and let me know if you find my tweezers. 434 00:18:40,636 --> 00:18:42,535 Oh, okay. 435 00:18:42,569 --> 00:18:43,915 No, no, no, no. 436 00:18:43,950 --> 00:18:46,366 Rosie, Rosie. Rosie, this is ridiculous. 437 00:18:46,401 --> 00:18:47,954 Okay, I'm not even hungry. 438 00:18:47,988 --> 00:18:50,198 I ate a full lunch. 439 00:18:50,232 --> 00:18:51,544 My arms are in a sling. 440 00:18:51,578 --> 00:18:53,615 I've got to come at this mouth-first?! 441 00:18:53,649 --> 00:18:54,961 This is crazy! 442 00:18:54,995 --> 00:18:57,170 I'm an executive! 443 00:18:57,205 --> 00:19:00,415 Good morning, good morning. How's it going? 444 00:19:00,449 --> 00:19:01,450 She's already texting him. 445 00:19:01,485 --> 00:19:03,245 Oh, nice. 446 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:04,384 Oh, thanks. 447 00:19:11,978 --> 00:19:14,670 Oh! I am so sorry. 448 00:19:14,705 --> 00:19:16,879 No, don't, uh... 449 00:19:19,261 --> 00:19:20,952 ...worry about it. 450 00:19:20,987 --> 00:19:22,713 Who's this guy? 451 00:19:22,747 --> 00:19:24,266 I don't know. 452 00:19:24,301 --> 00:19:26,820 You know, it's funny. I... 453 00:19:26,855 --> 00:19:28,719 I ran in here to get out of the rain. 454 00:19:28,753 --> 00:19:33,965 And once we started talking, the rain stopped. 455 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:36,796 Maybe it's a sign. 456 00:19:36,830 --> 00:19:37,969 Maybe. 457 00:19:38,004 --> 00:19:40,455 Not a sign. Not a sign.No. No. How? 458 00:19:40,489 --> 00:19:42,595 How would that be a sign?!No, it's not! It's not a sign! 459 00:19:44,355 --> 00:19:46,426 Pizza-shop owner and philanthropist 460 00:19:46,461 --> 00:19:48,877 Vincent Alfonsi is fighting for his life tonight 461 00:19:48,911 --> 00:19:50,741 after his appendix ruptured, 462 00:19:50,775 --> 00:19:54,607 leaving him stranded for hours inside his darkened pizzeria. 463 00:19:54,641 --> 00:19:56,816 Alfonsi, known for the Thanksgiving pies 464 00:19:56,850 --> 00:19:59,853 that he distributes personally to the city's neediest children, 465 00:19:59,888 --> 00:20:01,924 will never walk again. 466 00:20:01,959 --> 00:20:03,823 In my 20 years as a journalist, 467 00:20:03,857 --> 00:20:06,757 I've never seen such a beloved community fixture suffer 468 00:20:06,791 --> 00:20:09,242 so randomly and horribly. 469 00:20:09,277 --> 00:20:11,520 It makes one question everything. 470 00:20:11,555 --> 00:20:12,728 Sports is next. 32613

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