Original subtitles

Subtitles by explosiveskull

Work hard, play hard.

Push through.

Buckle up.

But I'm not going up.

I'm just going in a circle...

like a hamster,

or a squirrel.

I'm a rodent.

In 11,680 days, I'll be 65.

At least I can retire.

I'm a fraud.

I'm getting married to a woman I love,

but I definitely don't deserve it.

I hate my job.

How does everyone else do it?

Pretend everything is fine.

Smile.

♪ Lightning and thunder Came to my door ♪

♪ Gave a knock My heart wanted more ♪

♪ I let him within ♪

♪ When he came to win my heart ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Oh, I'll never give up ♪

♪ I'm gonna never give up ♪

♪ I'm gonna... ooh ♪

♪ Oh, I'll never give up ♪

♪ I'm gonna never give up ♪

♪ I'm gonna... ooh ♪

I can't hear your voice anymore.

Have a candy.

Huh?

Ah...

Okay.

You're going to take over for Linda

on cold calls.

- What? Where's Linda? - You are gonna be great.

'Cause you're so...

personable.

- But I don't want... - Have a candy.

Thank you...

Don't do that in here.

Oh, why, hello, darlings!

Welcome back to...

♪ Life is a Cabernet ♪

Oh, chums!

Oh, I'm so excited!

The day has finally arrived. And it's...

♪ Finally here! ♪

That's right, my wine has finally arrived.

I'm particularly excited to taste this harvest,

because I've followed these grapes

from a tiny, little grape seedling.

Oh! Who's that handsome stranger hiding over there?

Hi, Billie.

Sorry. Hi Liza viewers!

Did I ruin it?

No, no, it's okay. I can do it later.

- Okay. - No problem.

Oh! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

♪ Wait! ♪

- Do you want to try my wine? - Um, yeah.

Oh, this smells good.

Cheers...

to my future wife.

Cheers, future wife.

Fuck, that's good!

Yeah, but you say that about all the wines.

- I'll take it, though. - You should.

Did you see our new save the date?

Ah, no.

Ooh.

That looks good.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

- How good does it look? - Very good.

- So good. - Mm-hm.

I have work to do

for that stupid strawberry presentation

- No. - I know, it sucks.

Can't you just make up some shit?

Tell them about how the seeds are on the outside, or...

And Janey put me on cold calls today.

Then all the more reason for you to relax.

You're like a tiny, adorable devil.

Yes, and you love it.

No, no. I have to focus on strawberries.

Maybe when I have my own situation,

I can make my own rules.

Or you could break your own rules.

Until then, it's all strawberries for me.

- No. - Come on.

Give it back! C'mon, c'mon, c'mon...

Don't...! Give it...!

♪ The day is hot The sun is high ♪

♪ A little birdy Just flew on by... ♪

Special delivery.

It's a special cake for later.

- Can I not eat it now? - Later.

- What? - It's my birthday.

No, it's not.

It's my half birthday.

Okay, happy birthday, Cynthia.

- Cyn. My name's Cyn. - I'm not calling you that.

Why not? Everyone else is doing it.

Who? Who else is doing it?

- Larry. - Larry's weird.

What about Joanne? Hey, Joanne!

- You always call me Cyn, right? - Okay.

- See? - See what?

She doesn't know why she's saying okay.

- She's on autopilot. - Probably just looking

at that stupid candy company of hers.

Leave her alone.

She's busy dying like everybody else.

You always call me Cyn, Joanne.

Don't you?

Joanne?

Joanne.

Don't you, Jojo?

Joanne?

♪ Joanne ♪

Jo...

- How's it going? - Awesome!

- Hey... - Joanne, I'll need more candy.

Okay.

- Janey... - Billie, hi.

Ah, just the person I wanted to see.

Come on in.

Sit down.

Oh, damn...

I noticed that you've been working

- lots of late nights. - Yeah.

And we can't have that anymore.

No one's really working over 35 hours a week.

- What? 35? - Starting now.

Later, Larry.

So, technically,

that means that everyone is part-time.

- But what about... - Which technically means

that you don't have any more health insurance.

Oh, I hope you've been to the dentist.

And listen, we've had to let Sandra go.

So I'm going to need you to handle the Hunterman account.

Okay? Okay.

Yeah? Yeah. Here.

Have a candy.

Oh! There we go!

Look at my big, blue ball.

Isn't it cute?

Oh, wow.

Oh, fuck, you ate so much of it!

Give it to me!

Everything's being taken away.

I said eat it later.

Janey's taking away our health insurance

and our hours. It's like,

"Why am I working this shit job if there aren't any benefits?

- What's the point?" - Oh, boy.

I mean, I'm stupid.

I don't think I can do this anymore.

You'll be fine.

It's a presentation on strawberries.

I said don't eat any more!

It's an edible.

- This is pot cake? - Yeah!

Why would you bring that?

Janey's taking away our health insurance?

Yes, but now I've got to give presentation

- fucking high! - I'm sorry.

- Why would you do that to me? - It's my birthday.

It's not your birthday!

It's your half birthday.

How much more clear could I be?

Cynthia!

I said eat it later.

Later, as in, not now.

When you say "special,"

- that doesn't mean pot! - It doesn't matter,

because you have to do it!

- I won't fucking do it! - You're fucking ready!

You got all the shit in the binder...

- It doesn't fucking... - A fucking binder!

Great.

- No. - Take a deep breath.

- You take a deep breath! - A deep breath.

You take a deep...

Good morning, everybody.

Uh... Hillsbury Farms.

Strawberries...

are a fruit.

I love them.

They're the only fruit with the seeds on the outside.

And, uh... You love them.

Uh, everybody loves strawberries.

Strawberries.

Strawberries.

Imagine that one strawberry equals one day of your life.

We have 28,835 strawberries to live.

Some people more, some people less.

This is just an average.

We sleep for 8,477 strawberries.

And we eat and we drink

and we prepare food for 1,635.

We work for 3,202.

And we commute to work

for 1,635.

So we have time for social media

- and church, and... - I think she's high.

...community service.

That means that we have 2,740 strawberries left.

That's it.

Fuck.

I gotta go.

This is bullshit.

I quit!

I'm not gonna give you one more of my strawberries.

Fucking do this.

My God, she's really high.

- Oh my God! - I'm so sorry.

I have to go. I gotta...

No!

I'm sorry!

- I'm so sorry about your flyers! - Billie.

Babe, we're really late.

- Where have you been? - We're really late.

- You okay? - I'm fine.

It's crazy. Patty has been driving me crazy.

The wedding party

would line up here and here

- during the ceremony. - Great! That's what I thought.

- Billie! - Huh?

Um, I was thinking the flowers...

- But maybe we don't need... - ...would go in each pew.

...all the flowers.

I mean, this place is pretty much good as-is.

I mean, right?

I mean, look at the colors in the lines, and...

the architecture.

God did a great job with this place,

- am I right? - We need flowers.

- He knows what I mean. - It'll look terrible.

- No offense, but... - Yeah.

- Not terrible, but... - Totally.

We'll have flowers. Patty, I trust you.

Billie?

What is going on?

- Nothing. - You're acting really weird.

- Are you okay? - I'm great.

I'm so great.

I'm thinking maybe we don't need all the flowers.

Or any. Maybe we don't need any flowers.

You know, minimalist is very in right now.

Yeah. Ooh, that could be our theme.

You know: "If it doesn't bring you joy,

get rid of it."

Flowers don't bring you joy?

We're having... we're having flowers.

Absolutely. Let's keep the flowers.

But hey, what about not having cake?

- What? - People could bring their own.

It would be like BYOC.

No.

What is going on...?

Oh!

Shit!

Your presentation. I'm sorry.

Ah... How did it go? Were people confused?

Did you remember to tell them about the seeds on the outside?

I quit my job.

What? You what?

It was a giant, sinking turd, Gayle.

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.

Um...

I've been doing the work of three people,

and they're going to take away our health insurance.

I did mention the seeds,

but nobody cared, except for fucking Larry.

Again, I'm so sorry.

But look at me.

- Okay. - I'm so sorry.

I'll fix it, I promise.

I'm gonna find my thing. I'm gonna find my...

Life is a Cabernet.

It's going to be amazing. I'll work on my own terms.

Wait, what were we talking about?

Are you high?

No...

Hey you.

Hey you.

Gayle, don't worry.

I made a spreadsheet.

Mm, I love it when you talk dirty.

It's for our wedding bills and our expenses.

Mm-hm. Keep going.

I'm gonna have to deal with my mom tomorrow.

It's gonna be okay.

Don't worry, Gayle.

I know what I'm doing.

Okay.

Okay.

So, what are you gonna do?

This sucks.

Running around like a squirrel for some peanuts.

Elephants dance for peanuts.

I wish I was dancing. Or stripping.

That pays well, right?

Okay, maybe not, like, pole dancing,

but something fun.

Something meaningful.

Like this 14-year-old kid.

Fuck this kid!

This kid was lucky.

I have ideas.

I can be resourceful.

I can do anything,

dance to my own tune, be my own boss.

I can be a lion. Yeah, I can be a giver.

Uh, sorry, man.

Yeah, that's... That's all I got.

...all around me, but I only see my surroundings.

I only feel my own heartbeat.

Uh, hello.

- Hi. - Oh! Oh, my!

Oh, a new person! Hello!

No, no, no.

You are the unstable one from yesterday, aren't you?

Yeah.

- Yeah, that is her. - Welcome.

Hi, dear. What is your name?

- Billie. - Billie.

Billie.

Sounds like a fake name.

It's... My real name is Billie.

Billie, why don't we get you a nametag?

- Okay. - Come on over here. Oh!

I brought some new markers,

but just be careful,

because I think they're the kind you...

You know?

Ooh, let's see, now.

Oh, I don't... Now where could they have gone?

Why don't you get some coffee cake

- while I'm looking? - Oh.

Sam made it.

Oh, hi.

- I'm Sam. - Hi.

- I made the coffee cake. - Okay.

If you're vegan, don't eat it. I didn't make it vegan.

Oh, I'm not vegan.

You can eat it, then.

- Cool mug, right? - Yeah.

Fucking love the aquarium.

Yeah.

Here they are!

Ah, there you go, darling.

Billie...

'cause that's...

- ...my real name. - Oh, no, no, dear.

On our left shoulder. Like that.

- Okay, I think it's on. - Okay.

Oh!

My flyer.

Did you get it?

Freelancers, not a mouse.

Oh, yeah.

I see the rat that you put on it.

Larry?

You know, if you're gonna join, then you need to sign in.

Uh, okay.

Yeah.

Like, your real name.

All right, I'm going to go with Billie...

- Kingston. - Still sounds fake.

Sounds like a real name.

Maybe a nickname.

I thought this was a place

to find employment opportunities.

It is.

Why do you all have to sign in and out?

What's it to you?

It's for the church.

Yeah, she's in AA, so we get the space for free.

Wow.

Thanks for sharing my secrets with everybody.

- Appreciate it. - What?

So, what is this, exactly?

I'm starting to think that maybe my flyer wasn't clear enough.

Yeah, I think it was probably the mouse.

Yeah.

This is our safe space.

We network with each other to find jobs.

You know what they say: "Resourcefulness is a resource."

Great. So... where are they?

What, dear?

The resources.

Do you not have any?

It's better to come here and search for a job

than go to some frou-frou coffee shop

with a bunch of elitist assholes, Billie.

We used to have more freelancers.

Then they started freelancing.

What?

Yeah, I gotta say, I...

I don't like your tone.

Yeah, you starting to sound kinda toney.

- No I don't, I... - You're doing it there again.

Just... right there.

Mm, yeah, I kinda hear it now, too.

- Yeah, I heard it, too. - Okay, hang on!

Why don't we just get another slice

of Sam's coffee cake, shall we?

I'm so sorry.

I can't eat it, I'm trying vegan.

Don't eat it, it's not vegan.

Why don't we all just share in a circle

why we're all here.

No.

That will be depressing.

This is gorgeous.

- Yeah? - Absolutely!

- It's not bad. - Honey...

It's just not what we planned for a Sonoma wedding.

Then it's a good thing we'll get married here.

Well, there's still time for a venue change.

What! I thought we were getting...

Oh, my life is here, Mom.

Well, whose choice was that?

I mean, wow. This A-line silhouette

is absolutely stunning.

- You look beautiful. - Yeah...

It's super pretty, but...

I don't know. It's, like, 5,000 dollars.

Oh, I can ask about a payment plan.

If you consider Sonoma, I'd be happy to help.

You know, I'm Orbitz platinum status now,

all the times coming to visit you.

I could probably get some hotel rooms...

they might even throw in a suite for me.

Hell, they might throw in a puppy.

Well, it's my life, Mom.

But does it look like this?

It looks like my life.

Look, I'm only suggesting.

I don't need your suggestions.

Okay, okay, okay.

What are you playing?

Oh, it's a game I designed.

Shooting aliens always make me feel better.

You fixed the code already?

This is an all pointer exception.

You know how to code?

Yeah, I do weekend availability.

Sam, can you work character changes

- in the final bid? - I won't go over

six times.

Too much customer concentration, it wouldn't be worth my while.

Well, you tell them that.

I'm about to re-gram this page

- right here. - Re-what?

- Wait. - Re-gram.

- When you repost... - Stop. Stop, stop, stop.

Oh, my God, you're my... my thing.

The things. All this here.

You, you, you.

You.

What are you doing?

Don't you see it?

- No. - This place, you people.

This is what happens when you bring

those smelly markers.

This office has more talent in it

than the one I left.

I feel like that's sad.

No, it is, it's very sad.

Don't you see? You all have something to offer.

Don't waste time waiting for some place to hire you.

We can create a small business right here.

- At Freelancers Anonymous? - Yes!

Does that even make sense?

It's better than dicking around with smelly markers.

Oh no, I have a degree in graphic design...

- ...from Yale University. - Nobody cares.

You have a degree, too?

I thought you just enjoyed being on Twitter.

A B.S. in social media and marketing.

Definitely a degree.

- Instagram is a job? - You wanna fight?

Somebody hold my milk. Not you. Hold this.

Come here! Come at me!

- Okay. - Bring it here!

You have to come at me. That's how I engage.

You see, can you see... Oh, wow.

See what's happening, William? See what you did?

How is this my fault?

'Cause you come here and stir everything up,

and you ask all these questions about resources.

I was curious.

Why don't you take

your 1,000 questions and your fake name

and you just leave.

Billie is my real name.

I don't care if your name is William

or Charles or Chuckie.

I think you should go.

- That's what I think. Get out. - Cake, anyone?

She doesn't get cake!

- I can eat it if I want to. - No.

No, it's for members only.

Oh, I signed in. So...

- There you go. - Oh.

Okay.

Let's just see here...

Oh! Fake name.

I think we should have cake now.

- I thought we hated Sam's cake. - Wait, what?

I mean, love it.

I'm vegan, but I love it.

I can't... I want more.

You can't tell me what to do.

You may scare everybody else,

but you don't scare me.

Fuck you, Billie.

Oh, things are really getting out of hand.

Hey!

My face!

- My face! - Oh, I'm so sorry!

It's in my mouth!

You happy now, William?

No! Don't you people get it?

I'm completely not happy,

that's why I came in the first place.

You're all a bunch of losers.

Did she just...? Shit, I lost my nametag.

- Hey. - Ah!

Oh, hello.

Anne Westgate's back.

Westgate's back?

- Oh, yes. - I thought you hated being her.

She makes you feel cheap and dirty inside.

Yeah, I know. Anne's the worst.

But we need the money, so...

What's it called?

It is called Submission: A Howling Tail.

"Tail?" Like, T-A-I-L?

- Mm-hm. Book one. - Book one?

- There are six. - Six tails?

It turns out werewolf erotica is really popular.

- Let's hear some Ms. Westgate. - Mm. Okay.

- Don't mind if I do. - Okay.

I need to find a sexy voice.

"'Don't you know who you are?'

Randall whispered into her ear,

- luring her under his spell." - Oh.

"'Oh, yes, deeper!'

She moaned."

Just... flip, flip, flip.

Okay.

"His shaft lengthened

and slipped through her moist center."

Ugh!

"Until the screams turned from 'Oh!'

to 'Corn!', stopping Randall in his tracks."

Wait, wait, wait. The safe word is "corn"?

Oh, my God, should we change our safe word?

Ah!

Corn.

I fucking love you.

How was work?

It sucked.

I brought donuts.

Oh!

Fuck.

Didn't you say we were losers?

Yep, she did.

Yeah, but I didn't mean that.

That doesn't make me feel better.

'Cause it's not an apology.

- I'm sorry. - I don't believe you.

- Neither does Larry. - Nametag.

Remember that you almost killed Charlotte by way of coffee cake?

Oh, I am so sorry.

That was an accident, I was trying to defend myself.

You hit me in my face.

- Your face was in the way. - Of what?

Safe space! Starting now.

I brought the donuts.

We can't be bought.

I can be bought.

I am so glad you're back.

Who's a loser now, huh, Chuckie B.?

Probably still us.

No, don't say that.

You guys aren't losers.

Sam, you coded an entire videogame.

I just used an open-sourced game engine

and applied linear algebra to some preexisting 3D models

to turn them into pixels.

And the wrapper over the HLSL shader

to render things onscreen.

It's very simple.

Charlotte helped, too.

I... I designed the aliens.

See? You made aliens! You brought aliens to life.

Surely we can bring ourselves to life!

Yeah...

We don't do that here, it's not our thing.

Yes you do, you just do it on your own terms.

- That's true. - Let's do it.

Let's work on our own terms.

Let's do something fulfilling.

I want to be fulfilled.

But, like...

- what will we do? - Should we make a list?

List! Yes!

Ugh.

Yeah, a list is gonna get us in Forbes.

Oh, ah...

Gayle.

Gayle.

Honey, are you ready?

I know it's not on the list,

but the concierge said there's an amazing florist uptown.

- Randall leaned in... - On Broadway.

Sounds fancy.

"Oh!" Simone howled.

Gayle Anne Preston! What are you doing?

Mom!

What the fuck?

- Language! - Oh, fuck.

I'll have to record this part all over again.

You're recording that?

Yeah, it's kinda my job.

But, what about that Liza Minelli thing

- with the wine? - "Life is a Cabernet"?

It's my other job.

Well, this job sounds like pornography.

I know, I'm the one saying it.

I don't even know what you do here.

Well, now you know.

Ta-dah!

You need jobs.

That's the company.

Oh, inadequacies are the company?

Wait, so we are losers?

Safe space.

Freelancers Anonymous

- is the company. - I don't get it.

Oh.

Okay, I see what you did there.

The diagram was kinda confusing.

Oh, my God. This is ridiculous.

There is no company.

There is, right here.

A way to connect businesses with the freelancers

- who need them. - How?

It's like a freelancing app for freelancers.

Great. There's already a thousand of them.

- We'll be a competitor. - Hm. Okay.

Do you know how to create an app?

Not necessarily...

I probably could.

It depends on what kind of features

you want to add.

And development time increases

if you want both iOS-Android technology.

And we would have to have...

registration, profile creation, payment integration.

Depending on how many interactive elements you want,

like SMS integration, push notifications...

we're looking at a few months for development.

Okay, an app. Duh. My followers would love that.

- Yes! - And it could be searchable

by job or location or something.

- Amazing! - Or something!

We could vet both the parties that register with it.

We would be a safe space for everyone.

- Right? - Exactly. Let's do it.

Let's get investors and launch an app.

Investors?

Oh. Yeah, we don't know how to do that.

Yeah, that's Gillian's thing.

Gillian?

Oh.

I'm on lunch.

The owner of this place is James from hot yoga.

He promised me a killer deal during downward dog.

Ooh!

What about this one?

It's got a wonderful, bouncy attitude about it.

I don't know.

Does that fit into a verbal pornographer's budget?

Oh, my God.

That's an interesting question.

I don't actually know.

Ooh. Hydrangeas!

So is Billie also taking on a second job?

Gayle?

Um, she quit her job.

What?

Quit her job.

What?

- Bees! - It's fine.

It's fine.

So you are whoring yourself out...

Oh, my God, Mom, I'm not whoring myself out!

Okay?

Jesus Christ.

Can't you just be supportive for once in your fucking life?

This is exactly what you did to Dad.

I have everything under control.

Watch out!

Gayle.

You'll never fucking guess...

Oh, God, angry tap dancing. What happened?

- Mom. - Oh, no.

She found out about Anne Westgate.

She won't shut the fuck up about Sonoma,

and then she dragged my ass to uptown,

which is a bullshit forest.

Did you at least find pretty flowers?

Oh. Yeah.

We found flowers.

We found 900 dollars' worth of flowers.

I'll break that broomstick in half

and shove it up your ass, Norman!

Okay.

Well hey, guess what?

I'm starting my own company.

You're what?

I'm starting my own company.

This morning you didn't have a job,

and now you have a company?

Um, yeah. Freelancers Anonymous.

Freelancers Anonymous?

You're starting a company

with the unemployed church people?

They're not unemployed, they're just freelancers.

...who aren't freelancing!

I'm fucking freelancing!

I can't have this conversation right now.

I have a pot roast in the oven.

Stop eating chips.

This pot roast is a little dry.

No, it's good.

No, it needs carrots.

Maybe some...

corn?

No? Okay.

♪ Dancing 'bout to Break it down ♪

Shit! Jesus.

Sorry. My... bad.

Come on, girl.

It's app day.

Okay, calm down.

You do know that 90 percent of apps fail, right?

So? That's what we got Sam for.

Has Sam ever even created an app?

- Sure she has. - Huh?

Have you ever created an app?

- No. - Wait...

You haven't?

No.

But it shouldn't be that hard.

Great.

So you've actually never created an app?

Like, actually, actually?

No, I haven't...

...actually, actually.

Actually.

Actually, actually.

She hasn't ever...

- It's a double negative. - Yeah, I get it.

I got it, I got you.

Exciting!

I have brought my sketchpad for designing app ideas.

Okay, so you've designed apps before, then?

No.

Sam has.

Huh. Actually, Sam hasn't.

- Not yet. - Really?

What about you? You have the B.S. degree in social media.

I, uh...

I mean...

I can distribute an app.

I'll distribute the fuck out of an app.

But I have to have an app... first,

before I can distribute it.

- Does June know? - No.

Know what, dear?

June doesn't know.

I could know.

- How to make an app? - No, dear.

I don't know that.

Wow. Okay, so...

So you guys want to start a company

with someone you don't know.

Oh, Billie? We know her.

- She brought donuts. - One time.

She brought donuts one time.

They were crappy donuts, let's be real.

Going into business with someone you don't know

is like getting married to someone you don't know.

It's commitment, it's trust,

it's focus, it's having each other's back.

We don't know this person.

Hey, guys. Ready to get started?

- You didn't bring any donuts? - Huh?

That was a one-day thing.

Does everyone know where to start?

...makes me feel better.

Wait, so you own a company?

Yeah, well, sort of.

Currently I may have zero employees.

So you don't own a company.

No, I do, it's just that...

I may not be very good at it...

- Let me in? - ...yet.

I need you to get it together. Please.

Do you know that Janey has us at 30 hours a week?

That's not sustainable.

I need your company.

Save me from this hellhole!

I think somebody has me in an experiment

designed to make people go insane!

Wait, what does your company do?

- We're... - It doesn't matter.

Do they have health insurance?

- Yes. - Okay!

I'm on board. Let's do it.

You go build your empire.

- Get those employers. - But...

Be their Oprah. Say it with me.

- Yes. - Yes.

- Yes. - Yes.

- Yes. - Go. Go!

- Go! - No, I mean, go.

- Go! - Go now.

Oh, go now...

Okay, guys, I'm here to be your Oprah.

Troops are on lunch, Oprah.

What is your problem?

- Excuse me? - Ever since I got here,

you've been a huge asshole.

You've been here, like, two days.

So?

So? Tried to kill me with your bike.

That's what this is about?

You tried to kill me with your bike,

and now you want me to go to business with you.

I didn't try to... How can I kill you with a bike?

I don't know. You came at me hard.

You know, you don't even know these women.

You think you do, but you don't,

and if you don't know them, you can't help them.

Where were you leading them before I got here?

Gillian, I need you.

Please.

You know these women.

Do you want to try? Create something?

Do you want to see what they can do?

Please.

You're really going to take a phone call?

Yeah, hang on one sec.

Hey, where are you?

I'm at work.

What? You were supposed to be here 45 minutes ago.

Look at what you've left me with!

Oh, wow. Okay. Um...

- I'm on my way, stay there. - I'm at the caterer's.

- Where are you? - The catering company.

Okay, you're good. Copy that.

I gotta go. It's my fiancée.

Congratulations.

Yay.

Hey. Hey.

Hey, hey, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I was late.

Can Glenn reschedule? He loves Patty.

I'm his favorite.

Do you need me to talk to him?

Why don't you let me speak?

No. No one needs to talk to you right now, Mom.

Can't we just come back later?

No. Later I have to read about

how Randall's quivering member makes Simone fucking submit.

Oh, yeah. I'm at the climax.

Hey, I said I'm sorry.

- I have feelings too, you know. - Oh, like I don't?

No, obviously you have all of them.

I have to read a 400 page book right now

that I am actually losing money on

because I want to stop and vomit every time I have to act

like I'm being fucked by a throbbing shaft.

- Jesus, Gayle. - I'm trying to keep up

with "Life is a Cabernet,"

and I'm trying to plan our fucking wedding

all by myself, Billie!

Jesus, Gayle, just calm...

All by myself!

I told you I would help with our stupid wedding.

I needed you today.

I was at work. I came right over.

No, you were with the church people.

The church people have names.

It's a fake fucking company, Billie.

- They're... - They don't pay you there!

It's real, I'm just not paying myself yet.

Are...?

That means it's not real!

We are making an app.

It's like when I say words, you don't hear them.

Just find a real fucking job, Billie!

Mom, Patty, come on!

Bye, Billie.

Let's make a fucking app.

You heard her. Let's make an app.

Now?

Yeah, I've got plans.

Also, we need to make a demo first.

Okay, fine. Then let's make a demo.

♪ I'm a good girl Raised just like the rest ♪

♪ I only wanna fuck around... ♪

You'll be in charge of the investors, right?

And in getting them to the launch party.

Most important thing: financing.

It all makes sense,

but if financing equals investors,

how does that equate to social media and sharing?

Once we have the launch party...

You get it, right, Marti?

♪ I don't know What true love is ♪

♪ I'm just so used To being treated like shit ♪

♪ Trust I know what I dream of ♪

♪ It's just no man Can ever handle my love ♪

♪ No way, check it out ♪

♪ I'm a cat, I'm a kitty ♪

♪ I'm a feline, I said pretty ♪

♪ I'll climb into your lap ♪

♪ If you leave me alone ♪

♪ I'm a cat, I'm a kitty ♪

♪ I'm a feline, I said pretty ♪

♪ Just try to hold me Too tight ♪

♪ I will never come home ♪

♪ No way I will never come home... ♪

Hey, everybody! I brought donuts.

The good kind: Stan's Donuts.

Can't wait! There.

Have fun, Marti.

The party will be great.

It doesn't matter, as long as you have good people there.

We'll have good people there.

I'm good with investors, trust me on this.

You think I'm an asshole and I'm not,

I'm actually a really great person.

- I think you are great. - Thank you.

- See you later. Wonderful. - It's just...

Here. Wait a minute.

Just... wait.

Holy fuck! It's a bag of money!

You don't need to scream, we get it.

- Why is this in your car? - 'Cause I...

Stop asking questions.

None of your business.

Why are you giving me a bag of money?

Okay, I'm not giving it to you.

I'm giving it to everyone.

I want us to have a good launch party.

Just use it wisely.

Thank you.

I'll take care of it.

So, put it in the bank?

Is that a statement or a question?

Don't worry, I got it.

Oh, God.

Where were you last night?

What time is it?

I don't think I can do this anymore.

You know, maybe we should just postpone the wedding.

No.

No, don't say that.

Well, why not, Billie?

I mean, our bills are fucking piling up,

You never fucking come home.

You don't even have a job.

I have a job.

I have a... I got a job.

- Really? - Yeah, really.

Yeah! I mean, the...

They paid me last night, and...

Look.

Really? They paid you already?

Yeah.

It's under the table, but...

we're going to have enough for the wedding.

I can take care of it.

Come here.

Come here.

I've got you.

All right.

The biggest risk you can take

is by doing nothing.

I'll pay it all back.

Fuck.

I shouldn't spend any more of that money.

Shit.

Okay, it's investment.

Seed money.

Yeah, I read about that.

Development funds.

Stop worrying about what you have to lose...

and start focusing on what you have to gain.

What do I have to lose?

I'm still updating the CSS code for the app

so we can navigate it for the launch.

We're still in beta, not live yet.

- Pretty straightforward. - Sam, this is awesome!

So, we just make that bigger, and that not look like that.

Hey, let's take a break.

Hey.

Hey.

- So, uh, slight hitch. - Shoot.

I need the money back.

- Huh? - I need the money back.

Uh... how much of it?

- All of it. - All of it?

Yeah.

It seems like people

don't want to invest in an app until they see it.

Like a physical demo,

which makes sense when you think about it.

- So... - Well, ah... um...

What...

Are you having a stroke? Are you okay?

No, no, not a stroke.

Why do we need all of it?

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. We need all of it.

That's all.

Don't get mad...

I'm not mad.

Okay, so here's the thing, is that, um...

I possibly don't have all of it.

You don't have it?

Uh, possibly.

- How possibly? - Very possibly.

- Where is it? - Um...

Okay, so...

- Tell me where the money is. - So I gave it to Gayle.

So you gave it to Gayle?

We've been struggling,

and she told me I wasn't allowed to come here anymore.

So I kinda made up a fake job,

and I've maybe used the money as my fake paycheck.

But it's fine, I can figure this out,

there's no need to panic.

You lied to me. Nuh-uh.

You're going to get your money back.

We'll make it up with the investors,

it only takes one yes.

Look, I know how it works, but we don't have any investors.

We don't have any investors?

What about the demo? Shh. Hold on.

What's happening, Marti?

I told you guys.

I told you this wasn't a good idea,

and you got excited to make your own company,

and now look what we have.

So there will be no launch party?

No, there is no launch party because you spent all the money.

- She spent all the money. - You spent it?

- She spent the money? - Okay...

Wait, how much money?

Why would you do that?

I can explain. I have a plan.

I trusted you.

- We all trusted you. - Billie.

And you ripped us off.

- So... - Billie...

I think you should just go.

We don't need you.

- We never needed you. - I'm so disappointed.

Billie?

You home?

Billie?

Billie?

Hey.

Hey, what happened?

I have to tell you something.

Okay.

It's okay.

I'm sure whatever it is, it'll be okay.

You are not cut out for this.

Just get it back.

Smile, and nod.

And kill me.

You can pay it all back in 2,536 days

if you cut your Netflix subscription.

And Amazon.

You can fix this.

Oh, God. It still smells like bleach in here.

Suck it up.

Push through.

You can beg.

No shame in begging.

Billie!

- Hey. - What are you doing here?

I came to beg for my old job.

What? No, you're supposed to work on your company

so I can get out.

Yeah, just forget it.

You know, I can't keep lying to Gayle.

Yeah, I need a job... Here. I can help you right now.

- What is this? - It's, uh...

the Hunterman packet.

I have to redo it because they gave it to a temp

who doesn't know what to do. Again.

Janey really needs a new vetting process.

Wait, like an app?

Do you think Janey would invest in that?

- I would. - What?

That would connect small businesses

with qualified workers.

It would make quick matches with swiping.

- Like every other app. - Okay, that sounds good.

Awesome. Great. I gotta go.

Thank you.

Ditto.

Hello? Hi.

My name's Billie Kingston,

I reserved a church for my wedding on November 13th.

Yeah, the two women. That's us.

Would it be possible to get into the reception space

a little earlier in the day, like 3 or 4 p.m.?

Awesome. Thank you so much!

Crashing in cars?

Yeah, they're together when they crash in the car...

Have you ever been outside of town, June?

- What? - Outside of our town.

- Have you ever been outside of... - Well, Charlie's been.

Is Charlie someone in your head?

Maybe.

I think you need to see somebody, June.

Do you not know, or...?

- Okay, no. No. - Billie!

Do you always apologize via donuts, or...?

Not just donuts.

I have an idea on how to save this company.

There isn't a company.

There is, and I want to add

a swiping feature to the app, just like all the other apps.

It'll be great.

Do you not understand that you was the one that fucked up?

Yeah, I spent some of the money.

That wasn't cool, I'll admit that.

I'm so sorry, guys. I...

I've been living a personal low point

right now, and...

But you know what stopped me from begging for my old job?

What?

You're a huge liar and a thief?

No...

You guys.

And Market Media Outreach.

They could be the one yes that we need.

They want to buy what we're selling.

I have a marketing director friend

who loves it.

Did she like the reactive UI/UX?

Yeah! That, too.

Market Media Outreach is the one yes that we need.

Oh! And also, um...

I have the money that's left over,

and we can get the rest of it after the launch.

There won't be a launch.

Yes, there is, on November 13th.

Thirteen is great for businesses.

It's all about being connected and breaking new ground,

and on the new moon...

And it's also the day that I'm getting married.

How are you going to be in two places at once?

Well, I booked the church from 4 to 10 p.m.,

and my wedding's at 5 p.m. in the sanctuary

and should be done by 5:30,

and it's followed by the cocktail hour after,

so the wedding reception is at 6:30.

So that means we can use the reception hall

for the launch party, from 4 to 6 p.m.

I already confirmed that we can be here

at 3:30 p.m. to set up. It's easy-peasy.

Oh, my God, that was so many numbers at one time.

Oh! And we'll have extra hands on deck

with the caterers.

Gillian?

What do you think?

Fine.

Okay.

Don't... Don't fuck up again, though. All right?

I won't.

No more donuts. No one likes donuts.

- I... - No.

And Charlotte, you can create the invites.

To the wedding?

No, for the launch.

Oh, sure.

- Oh, Marti... - What?

You wanna post some stuff to your followers?

Hell yeah.

I can do your makeup.

Yeah, yeah. That'd be great.

Make you look pretty.

Yes, I will be a bridesmaid.

Can I bake a cake?

You can try.

Thanks, Larry.

Always there.

Seven dollars in here.

♪ Maybe this time ♪

♪ I'll be happy ♪

♪ Maybe this wine will stay ♪

Oh! Hello there, darlings.

I didn't see you there.

It's me, Liza with a "z," and I'm here to tell you

all about my new, perky little Pinot.

You see, it's got a lovely, bitter aftertaste

that reminds me...

...of my mother sometimes.

But that...

Billie?

It's just me.

I don't want you to think I'm not supportive.

I am, I just...

want you to be happy.

I have a peace offering.

I shipped a couple of cases home,

I thought it would be fun to feature your wine

at the winery this summer.

Really?

Of course.

Who doesn't like wine

fashioned after Liza?

Oh, that's... Hm. That's almost as good as mine.

We'll work on it.

Thanks, Mom.

It's awesome.

Oh, shit! I'm totally still recording.

Um, I've rerouted

our contact info so that when someone calls

for the business, it goes to our cells.

- Oh, great. - Great.

It looks like you just met online.

- Looks good. - Make sure you get the logo in.

Girl, don't worry.

I know how to make an Instagram post.

- She's certified. - Verified!

Um...

What do I do?

- Answer it, answer it! - Yeah, answer the phone.

Hello?

Yes?

Yes.

Hold.

It's a freelancer.

Told you!

Wow, that was very fast.

- In no time at all. - It was quick.

She wants to sign up, but we're on online yet.

- What should I do? - Make a list.

Can I have your name, please?

- Answer, answer! - Okay, okay.

- Calm down. - Answer!

- Be nice. - Hello?

Uh... Yes, this is Freelancers Anonymous.

Yes, I'm Gillian, the president and CFO.

Ah, hold just one moment, please. Thank you so much.

It's an investor.

Okay, okay, okay.

Hello. Sorry about that.

Yeah, hello?

Welcome to Freelancers Anonymous. This is Billie,

the CEO and the founder.

- It's still ringing! - Just a sec.

Yeah.

Hello, this is June.

- Mm. Smell it. - No, you don't smell.

Remember, if you see something you don't like,

look away.

- Okay, it's gonna be good. - Okay. Yep.

- You went out of your way... - Oh!

Okay, so I know that there is traditionally a groom's cake,

but this is...

the bridegroom... groom... bride... bride-bride cake.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, I mean, I see the resemblance...

- there. - Wow.

- Wow. - The toast?

- Yes, toast, please. - Yeah.

Okay.

To my beautiful daughter

and her gorgeous bride.

May tomorrow start the beginning

of your happy, happy journey together.

You are both brides, right? I'm still...

You know, I must admit, when...

When Gayle first came out,

I sobbed for weeks.

I thought I'd never welcome in

a handsome, dashing young man

and have grandbabies, but...

I realize... we can still have grandbabies.

Not right now,

but it's all really just about the love between you, I mean...

It's just love, right?

- It's... - To love!

To love. Yes.

It's a nice speech.

Not weird at all.

To the happy, happy brides

and their very special cake.

- Thank you, dear. - On that note...

Oh, it's Cyn. I don't know if we...

I'm Cyn.

Sin?

- That doesn't sound good. - It's C-Y-N.

- It's not her name. - Yeah.

Keeping with tradition,

we thought that Billie would stay at my place tonight.

Really? I didn't think we were going that traditional.

Uh, we're kinda traditional.

- Yeah. - You know, I mean,

we're getting married in the church,

- and I was thinking about... - Really?

Yeah.

I was thinking about staying with Cynthia tonight.

Well, I don't want to sleep alone.

Oh, but, you know, I have a date tonight.

But remember, your date's tomorrow night, you told me?

No, it's tonight.

Your date's tomorrow.

Oh! You know... You're so right,

'cause I had the other thing with the calendar...

- It's tonight. - Yeah.

Tonight I'm free. So you're welcome.

Uh, well, if that's what you want.

- I mean... - Your father and I

spent the night before our wedding together

and look how that turned out.

You know what, though? Are you sure?

Because you can definitely stay with me

anytime, actually. Anytime.

Like, there's a roll-away...

It's comfortable.

Plenty of room.

But you know what? Um...

I have five turtles.

One of them escaped recently.

I can hear him,

so I know he's somewhere around.

And be a bit careful when you go to the bathroom

'cause that's usually where he ends up.

You're like, "Whoo!" You know?

Oh, I love turtles.

Yeah, one summer in high school

I ran over several of them with my car.

Um, and we buried them in the backyard.

Ah, along with the...

the mice, and the fish, and...

several cats, and...

A little cemetery going back there,

and you know, that's where they are, with my mom.

Not that my mom is in the backyard,

it's my mom's house.

I was in high school.

- Can I cut the cake? - Yeah, please.

- Please. - Please cut it.

I think it's time.

Let them eat cake.

- You just cut my face... - It's okay. Look away.

Sure you don't want to get in

on that roll-away action?

Ah, no, thanks.

God, what a weirdo.

She would flip her shit if she knew about this.

I cannot believe you haven't told Gayle.

Well, the lie won't matter if tomorrow works.

Okay, well...

Glad we're at a church,

so there's a priest who can do your Last Rites.

Oh, it's not a priest, it's a pastor.

I don't care.

- Well, have a great date. - I don't have a date.

Why would you tell me that?

Because I didn't want to have all the smells in my house.

So many smells.

You know how I feel about that. I just didn't want you there.

- Billie! Billie. - Yeah?

Do you know what time it is?

Jesus... Jesus Christ.

Love you!

Okay, what is all this?

Charlotte and Marti, you'll be stationed here,

in the long hallway by the sanctuary side door.

Wait, why am I the salt?

Did you have a saltshaker in your purse?

We should just focus, okay?

Your job is to keep an eye on the bridal party

and make sure nobody wanders

to the other side of the building

before we're ready.

Sam, you and June will be here

at the entrance to the launch party,

just outside the door

at the other end of the hallway.

You'll be in charge of giving nametags

to our investors.

Gillian, you'll be here inside the room

running the show.

- I'll be here at 15:00. - You couldn't say three?

Directly following my ceremony,

in the sanctuary there'll be wedding photos,

and a cocktail hour along the side the church

here in the garden.

I'll be running back and forth

between the wedding photos and the launch party

using the long hallway that connects the two spaces.

Holy shit.

Now, directly following the launch party,

we'll help the caterers flip the room

by gently shoving our investors

out through the back door here.

Oh! And we'll communicate

- using these. - Yes!

Charlotte and Marti, you share one.

Sam, you and June get the other.

I should probably be in charge of that.

- I was in the Girl Scouts. - No.

One, two, three, test.

What if something goes wrong?

Yeah, what if, miraculously, something happens?

Do we have some sort of, like, code of distress?

Corn.

- What? - We'll alert each other

without arousing suspicion by saying "corn."

It's clear and concise.

Okay, so you don't think

that we're just going to arouse suspicion?

Anything else?

Yeah. What's Larry gonna do?

Oh, I'm so sorry, Larry. I totally forgot about you.

Oh! Larry can be the salt.

That's cool.

Is that too tight?

Très vintage.

Très vintage. Okay.

- Grab the poster. - Bit of shimmer.

And grab the flowers and things.

Make sure you get the fuzzies.

Okay, we on our way!

Stop.

Where the fuck is Billie?

I knew she should have stayed with me.

- Wait, wait! - Come on.

Let's... Let's... Billie!

- I'm here! - Great. Go!

Hey, grooms, go, go, go!

- Let's go, parents. - My cousins aren't here.

Traffic, march, whatever. Go, Grace!

When I fluff this, I want you to run!

Go get married!

Go!

Billie's marrying a woman?

She was wearing a tux.

What'd you think was gonna happen?

I don't know. I mean, Diane Keaton wears tuxes.

Nametag?

Oh! It's Joseph.

He's not on the list.

Oh, he's my baker, and my neighbor.

He's not on the list.

It's okay, Sam.

He smells nice, and he looks good.

Thanks, Joseph. Have a nice day.

By the power vested in me by the state of Illinois,

I now pronounce you life partners.

Pronounce you life partners!

- Did she say yes? - May you go in peace.

They're going in peace.

Firm yes on the altar.

Ferret on the move, people. Be ready.

That's a confirmed yes on the altar.

Ferret is on the move, people.

Let's go. Confirm.

- Who is Ferret? - I don't know.

Yes, we confirm.

Ferret is on the move. Over.

- Who are you calling Ferret? - Billie.

Literally the only person we care about now.

But why are you calling her Ferret?

Because she's...

She's ferry.

Ferret is on the move, people! Can I get a copy?

- Who's Ferret? - Billie!

She's ferrety.

I got it under control.

Oh, dear.

There's no call for that.

They sound very stressed.

Ah, they need raspberry.

Raspberry marker.

No, really, Sam, it'll help.

It'll help calm you down, Sam.

Sam, what...? Sam.

...in control.

It's not about you, Mom. Just be nice.

Time for family pictures.

Step lively, folks.

We've got a lot of family pictures here, so...

Are you going to tell me what's going on?

What? Nothing.

Why were you late?

Did you get caught up in the march?

Patty's been freaking out about traffic.

Step lively!

- Lots of family pictures - Uh, no.

I just... I had to... I had to poop.

Groom's family first.

So... Billie, you're the groom-bride.

Let's go.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I just have to... I have to poop.

Again.

I'll be right back.

Billie! Billie, where are you going?

Did she eat something weird at your place last night?

Yeah.

Yeah, she ate something really weird.

Like...

Really bad.

Gayle, come line up, dear.

Okay, that's... gross.

You know what? Get a hold of yourself!

Okay, just...

How we doing?

Good. We're great.

People are starting to show up, so that's good.

Did you know there was a parade in Chicago?

Gayle's wondering what's going on.

Oh, ah, okay. So what'd you say?

That I had to poop. And then I ran away.

Okay, that's specific and gross.

- Poop happens. - Yeah, well, I poop, too.

I think you should just tell her the truth.

You know? Stop the lying.

Soon.

Okay.

Larry.

I need you to go. For Gayle.

Gayle. Remember? Gayle.

Gayle. Bride. Please?

Isn't Billie beautiful?

I know, it's...

No, no, no! You guys need to be doing nametags.

Oh, we did nametags.

But there weren't that many people.

This parade came out of nowhere.

Yes, okay.

If they have a nametag, give them another.

Give everyone a nametag.

What if they're not on the list?

It's not a club, so we let people in.

Just smile. Okay? Be warm.

- No hugs. - Oh.

No hugs for me or anyone else.

Okay. But what if I know them?

Still kinda creepy, I'm sure, somewhere.

Nope.

Okay, right.

Then swing it all the way to the right.

Push me. Yeah, like that! Yeah!

- Like this, like that... - Stop fighting!

Well, you know, I was...

Okay, she's stressed. She's stressed.

Oh wait, I think she needs lips.

- No, she doesn't need... - Lips!

- She's not here, so... - I'm here.

- I'm here. - Ooh, great. Okay.

So, just... You ready?

Yeah, sorry.

What! Don't...

Okay. Great, okay.

George, can we just snap a few?

How was your second poo?

It was great.

- Very satisfying. - Mm.

It's a yin and a yang.

You have to have a yin and yang,

and you can't have two yangs or two yins.

Smile.

That's fine, I'm seeing someone.

Did you eat something weird at Cynthia's last night?

- Smile. - Smile.

You think it was the tilapia?

Let's get a few with the two of you

- facing each other. - Lips!

Stop.

God!

And are you okay now?

Yeah. I just need about 28 minutes.

That's... specific.

Uh, here.

- Hold my spot. - What?

- Oh... - Oh, no, sir!

- No, excuse me, no, sir. - No.

- Ah, Billie... - Sir, no.

- You can't be there. - Um... okay.

I just want her to look pretty!

Get your ass...!

Eyes here!

I need you to focus!

The fuck is wrong with you guys? I told you to be discreet.

I am discreet!

I just wanted to...

The Ferret is on the move.

Now you like the word "ferret."

This one is honeysuckle rose,

but it really has a raspberry tone to it.

The Ferret is on the move!

- I played a trick on you, - Uh-oh

but I think it was strawberry.

Thank you, thank you so much for coming.

If you just step inside,

our CFO will get you a welcome packet.

Thank you.

- Enjoy. - Thank you for coming.

- June! - What?

Stop smelling the markers!

They're for the nametags.

Billie, it helps calm people.

We are calm!

Just... stop.

You don't have a calm tone.

You look lovely.

I'm sorry.

Who let her have the markers?

What? You pick your battles, okay?

She likes the markers, I let her sniff them.

What are you doing here?

Spit out the cookie.

You're supposed to be with Gayle. Spit out the cookie.

Go, go. Find her, find Gayle.

- Okay, that was mean. - Whew.

- I didn't mean to be aggressive. - No...

I'm just, ah... It's hot.

Okay!

So, since the groom-bride is M.I.A.,

I guess we'll just do some with the bride-bride

and the mother and father of the bride-bride.

Okay, uh, where's your father?

Oh, where he always is, in the bar.

Apparently, he felt a scotch

was more important than photos.

- Mom... - I can step in.

- I'll do that. - Cynthia.

- Happy to. - Cynthia.

- Just be a... - No.

- Three ladies? - Get out of there.

Okay.

I need a drink.

- Okay... smile! - Just like your father.

Mm, I don't think so.

I don't know why you would have a parade in Chicago

just to have a parade because it's a city.

- You know? You have... - Gillian?

Mom. Hi.

Did you put all of this together?

- Well... we did. - We did.

This is my business partner, Billie.

I'm so happy to see you

finally doing something productive with your life!

Thanks.

Oh, so nice to meet you...

Vivian.

Nice to meet you, too.

I'm actually here to invest.

Invest?

You really want to invest?

- Of course! - Wait, this is your mom?

My family owns Hillsbury Farms, so...

Hillsbury Farms?

Part of Big Strawberry. Do you know it?

We work with Cyn over at Market Media Outreach,

she mentioned that an app like yours

would help us tremendously.

I made a few initial inquiries,

and, bottom line,

Big Strawberry is prepared to offer you

seventy-five thousand dollars to develop your app.

Seventy-five...

- Seventy-five thousand dollars? - Oh, oh...

Excuse me.

This is high priority.

Thank you.

Wait, your family's rich?

We're very rich.

Why do you drive such a shitty car

if your family's part of Big Strawberry?

My therapist said it would make me more relatable.

Here I thought you were all tough and scrappy

like some sort of grown-up Oliver Twist,

but really you're like the anti-Oliver Twist.

You're, like, not a child

who was taught how to steal things by a creepy old man.

I bet you're not an alcoholic.

I'm a raging alcoholic.

Yes. Since she was 12.

- Here, here. I'm here. - Oh, yay!

Hi, hello. Hi.

I want to thank everyone for coming this evening.

And before we get started,

I just wanted to take a minute to introduce someone

that without we wouldn't be here right now.

So, let me welcome to the stage

the CEO of Freelancers Anonymous,

and my friend, Billie Kingston.

- I'm starving. - Bride-bride is hungry?

Don't worry. I have some candies in the back room.

Excuse me, sir. Do me a favor.

Run to the back room

and bring me back my box of beautifully wrapped candies.

They're in a blue, reusable bag under the corner table.

It has a picture

of a cartoon bird playing the harmonica.

It's about yea big, and it's next to a green bag.

But don't touch the green bag. That's personal.

Only the blue bag.

- Well, go. - I need a...

Can we go into the reception hall

and grab some hors d'oeuvres or something?

Paul?

My timeline says some group called Freelancers Anonymous

- reserved the room... - Freelancers...?

...right up until we start the reception.

Shit!

Gayle, where are you going? Stop!

Bride-bride on the loose!

Otter's on the loose! Come in, come in, come in!

There's an otter loose.

Oh, no.

...mobile force.

Here at Freelancers Anonymous,

our mission is to connect women

with the opportunity for freelance work

with businesses that share in our goal

to close the gender and pay gap

for women in technology.

Thing is,

we want to provide resources

for women looking for employment,

and the opportunity for you to be a part of the solution.

Our strategy is to curate a well-vetted list

of diverse women of STEM degrees

to increase efficiency and innovation.

And that's exactly what we want to do here.

A women-driven startup

at Freelancers Anonymous.

- Corn! - Billie!

Billie!

The Otter is here!

What the hell is this?

Everyone, this is my wife Gayle.

She's beautiful.

Stop... stop clapping.

Would you like a nametag, dear?

What? No.

- Never mind. - So...

So, I can explain.

Oh, you can explain? You don't have to go poo again?

That's a specific question.

- You can take something for it. - Uh...

You have spent the last few months

lying to my face!

- Gayle, what is going on? - Not now, Mom!

Who are these people?

- They're here for my company. - What company?

Freelancers Anonymous.

Billie, please stop lying.

It's true.

I was waiting until the launch party to tell you,

but I wanted to show you what I could do.

I lied, but I lied for the good.

What does that mean?

It means I was doing something for us.

This isn't a game, Billie! This is our life!

I know. Are you happy we got married?

Ooh...

Am I happy we got married?

I fucking love you, you moron!

Well, I love you, too!

- Well then, great! - Great!

- Okay! - Awesome!

Why are we yelling?

Because you yelled at me, so I'm yelling back at you!

That's fair!

- Okay. - Okay...

Yes, so we have investors, is the thing, so...

Nice to meet you, you look stunning.

So, this is, like, a real company?

Yeah, this is really happening.

I found my thing.

You can say goodbye to Anne Westgate.

I fucking love you.

You know Anne Westgate?

Who is Anne Westgate?

Are they in a threesome?

That's hot, actually.

We have so much to celebrate

at the office on Monday.

- I'll make a cake. - No.

Oh. Okay, that resolved quickly.

I found them!

And doesn't it feel great

when you work hard,

push through, buckle up,

take a chance?

I love my job.

In 11,560 days I can retire.

And with a smile on my face.

You have a company to run.

- You'll be late. Go! - All right.

- Go be a boss lady. - Okay.

Bye!

Bye!

Don't forget to use your hand signals!

I won't!

♪ We can clean up Truly any mess ♪

♪ And our own problems We'll rise above them ♪

♪ And all the rest ♪

♪ 'Cause it's easy to see... ♪

Oh!

Hi.

Well...

Can I help you?

Yes, I'm with Freelancers Anonymous...

I'm sorry?

I was told specifically to ask for somebody named Cyn...

That's me. Hi, I'm Cyn.

I'm in charge.

Come right this way.

♪ In the blink of an eye ♪

♪ When two eyes meet One another ♪

♪ Though the search For true love ♪

♪ Is the ultimate ♪

♪ Don't waste too much time Searching for it ♪

♪ If it comes to you ♪

♪ You know You'll be happier to ♪

♪ The only people Worth your while ♪

♪ Are the people Who make you smile ♪

♪ That's why it's easy to see ♪

♪ What you mean to me ♪

♪ The only one ♪

♪ It's easy to be me ♪

♪ I just wrote this song ♪

♪ I wrote this song ♪

♪ I wrote this song ♪

♪ Yes, I will sing this song ♪

♪ For you ♪

♪ Lightning and thunder Came to my door ♪

♪ Gave a knock My heart wanted more ♪

♪ I let him within ♪

♪ When he came to win my heart ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Oh, I'll never give up ♪

♪ I'm gonna never give up ♪

♪ I'm gonna... ooh ♪

♪ Oh, I'll never give up ♪

♪ I'm gonna never give up ♪

♪ I'm gonna... ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

Subtitles by explosiveskull