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1
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:18,600
Nice.
2
00:00:20,228 --> 00:00:21,229
Argh.
3
00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:32,197
Nice.
4
00:00:32,824 --> 00:00:33,824
Oh...
5
00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,368
Somebody's ready for action.
6
00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:38,997
It smells delicious in here.
Did you cut yourself?
7
00:00:39,581 --> 00:00:41,833
Just testing it. It works.
8
00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:43,626
You brought Mr. Ball Legs home?
9
00:00:44,002 --> 00:00:47,213
Yeah. I thought maybe a change
of scenery would cheer him up.
10
00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:49,090
Maybe he would enjoy Bangkok.
11
00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:51,384
Is that Ramona's ball creature?
12
00:00:51,509 --> 00:00:52,509
Cool.
13
00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:54,553
[KNOCKS SOFTLY]
14
00:00:56,347 --> 00:00:59,059
It's like when we go to the zoo
and none of the animals give a fuck.
15
00:00:59,601 --> 00:01:03,313
So I ran into Lisa...
and she had some big news.
16
00:01:04,105 --> 00:01:05,690
About a certain girl...
17
00:01:05,857 --> 00:01:07,192
and a certain boy.
18
00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:08,734
Dating.
19
00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:11,821
One of them's named Abby.
20
00:01:14,491 --> 00:01:15,784
You're no fun.
21
00:01:15,867 --> 00:01:17,994
Are you dating Eric?
22
00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:20,580
That is so cute.
23
00:01:20,705 --> 00:01:22,248
Oh, God! We're not dating.
24
00:01:22,332 --> 00:01:24,209
Whatever you kids call it today.
25
00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:25,710
"Smashing."
26
00:01:25,877 --> 00:01:28,004
Mom! Never be in public.
27
00:01:28,463 --> 00:01:31,341
It was a stupid misunderstanding.
I can't believe Lisa's telling people.
28
00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:32,759
So, you're not dating?
29
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,844
Or... "hooking"?
30
00:01:35,136 --> 00:01:36,971
Oh, my God! Goodbye!
31
00:01:38,195 --> 00:01:40,857
I don't care if it's not true.
We are not letting this go.
32
00:01:40,989 --> 00:01:41,989
Hmm.
33
00:01:42,352 --> 00:01:44,380
Ready to go deal with your friend
34
00:01:44,414 --> 00:01:46,750
- who left a knife in our door?
- Yes.
35
00:01:46,981 --> 00:01:48,566
Let me just grab his address.
36
00:01:50,872 --> 00:01:52,874
And Ron's not my friend. We just...
37
00:01:53,404 --> 00:01:56,908
shared a room in a mental hospital,
where I told him my deepest secrets
38
00:01:56,991 --> 00:01:58,993
and comforted him when he cried.
39
00:01:59,244 --> 00:02:01,496
Oh, shit. We're friends.
40
00:02:05,566 --> 00:02:07,972
Synced & corrected by reggielist
www.addic7ed.com
41
00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:11,131
I hope we don't have to kill Ron.
He seems sweet.
42
00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:14,551
People can be sweet and dangerous.
Example, us. Also, koala bears.
43
00:02:14,717 --> 00:02:15,844
Ding dong!
44
00:02:17,512 --> 00:02:20,515
Outside? You say "ding dong" outside?
45
00:02:20,890 --> 00:02:25,061
We heard you guys are starting
your own realty company. Big yay.
46
00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:27,981
And we wanted to mark the occasion
with a dolce de leche cake.
47
00:02:28,064 --> 00:02:30,150
But they didn't have one,
so we got you monkey bread.
48
00:02:31,609 --> 00:02:33,570
- That is so nice.
- So nice.
49
00:02:33,645 --> 00:02:35,939
We know how hard it can be
to strike out on your own.
50
00:02:36,072 --> 00:02:38,616
Yeah, we've been there,
and we were young when we did it.
51
00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:40,410
[SCOFFS] We're still young.
52
00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:41,661
[MOCKINGLY] Yes, you are.
53
00:02:41,911 --> 00:02:44,164
- No, we are.
- Yes, you are.
54
00:02:44,289 --> 00:02:47,167
Say, while we're here...
we heard from Judy Humbolt
55
00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:49,878
and she said you wanted to list
you six-bedroom Mediterranean?
56
00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:51,754
Very high-end. Good for you.
57
00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:54,507
It's like a couple of ants
trying to lift a cornflake.
58
00:02:54,799 --> 00:02:56,393
We just don't want you
to waste your time
59
00:02:56,426 --> 00:02:59,053
because high-end neighborhoods
are kind of our thing.
60
00:03:01,229 --> 00:03:02,807
Why are you smiling, pretty lady?
61
00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:04,667
'Cause I just realized
why you came over here
62
00:03:04,721 --> 00:03:06,639
and it's flattering.
You're threatened by us.
63
00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:07,937
Oh, yes.
64
00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:11,316
Your monkey bread smells of fear.
65
00:03:11,623 --> 00:03:13,792
We just didn't want
to get crushed by us.
66
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:17,280
Maybe you should be selling the type
of home you're more familiar with.
67
00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:19,115
Like your cute little starter here.
68
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,743
We're not gonna get crushed.
We're gonna drag that cornflake
69
00:03:21,848 --> 00:03:24,392
back to the colony, stage
it with all-white furniture
70
00:03:24,537 --> 00:03:26,706
and sell it for 10% above asking.
71
00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:29,459
Yeah. We are gonna get that listing.
72
00:03:29,626 --> 00:03:31,502
Judy Humbolt and I go way back.
73
00:03:31,669 --> 00:03:33,463
Once at summer camp, she got homesick
74
00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:35,924
so I stayed up all night
braiding her hair.
75
00:03:36,007 --> 00:03:37,007
Aw...
76
00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:38,995
I finger-banged her
into her first orgasm
77
00:03:39,029 --> 00:03:40,962
at her brother's Bar Mitzvah party.
78
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:43,681
L'chaim, bitches.
79
00:03:43,848 --> 00:03:44,848
Hey, guys!
80
00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:48,228
I'm not liking the body language
over here. Everything alright?
81
00:03:48,603 --> 00:03:50,772
- It's fine. We were ju...
- Not talking to you, sir.
82
00:03:50,855 --> 00:03:51,940
This is ridiculous.
83
00:03:53,399 --> 00:03:55,610
Ma'am, why don't you take a seat
on the pavement for me?
84
00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:56,735
Are you serious?
85
00:03:57,311 --> 00:03:58,311
Ma'am?
86
00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:06,037
Sheila?
87
00:04:06,204 --> 00:04:08,560
Our friends from Principal
Residential thought they
88
00:04:08,594 --> 00:04:11,793
could come here and tell us
where we can and cannot sell homes.
89
00:04:11,876 --> 00:04:13,086
Well, that doesn't seem right.
90
00:04:13,169 --> 00:04:14,420
This is Officer Garcia.
91
00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:17,090
She's our Sheriff friend. She has a gun.
92
00:04:18,007 --> 00:04:20,176
I'm an enormous man.
I'm not afraid of her.
93
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:23,137
Cool. Why don't I turn off my body cam?
We'll see where this goes.
94
00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:24,221
Stop.
95
00:04:24,305 --> 00:04:26,933
You will not fight.
That is a $1,500 suit.
96
00:04:27,050 --> 00:04:29,511
Yeah. You're lucky I'm
not wearing an outfit
97
00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:31,854
like Joel you buy at a grocery store.
98
00:04:32,071 --> 00:04:34,490
[MOCKINGLY]
Look who's afraid to punch a cop.
99
00:04:34,729 --> 00:04:35,729
We're leaving.
100
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,902
And we're taking back our monkey bread.
101
00:04:49,281 --> 00:04:50,540
Thank you, Anne.
102
00:04:50,623 --> 00:04:52,292
I serve Him by serving you.
103
00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:54,752
The shield of righteousness
never falters.
104
00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:57,088
Alrighty.
105
00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:04,470
Okay, I know things aren't perfect
with Anne, but you have to admit...
106
00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:05,638
that was pretty cool.
107
00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:07,932
That was... kinda cool.
108
00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:11,436
Christa was so cocky and
then she was, like, "Whaa?"
109
00:05:11,519 --> 00:05:12,645
And Chris was all...
110
00:05:13,187 --> 00:05:15,690
Maybe we should bring Anne to see Ron,
111
00:05:15,773 --> 00:05:17,942
and if he's a problem,
she could back his ass down.
112
00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:20,445
I don't think that's a good idea.
She's kind of wild card.
113
00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:22,030
She took our Nazi yesterday.
114
00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:24,490
Yeah. Well, it was her first day
on the job.
115
00:05:24,615 --> 00:05:26,367
But, that was terrible.
116
00:05:28,175 --> 00:05:30,121
Can you believe that douchebag
117
00:05:30,204 --> 00:05:32,040
spends $1,500 on a suit?
118
00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:37,045
You want to have a
$1,500 suit, don't you?
119
00:05:37,128 --> 00:05:38,128
I would wear one.
120
00:05:41,507 --> 00:05:42,592
We have a problem.
121
00:05:43,259 --> 00:05:45,739
Remember when Sven and I went
to the fracking site on our date?
122
00:05:46,259 --> 00:05:47,677
Oh, my God. You're pregnant.
123
00:05:48,264 --> 00:05:49,553
Yes, and it's triplets.
124
00:05:49,587 --> 00:05:51,818
I'm naming them Hey, Idiot
and Pay Attention.
125
00:05:52,076 --> 00:05:53,644
- Okay.
- Nothing happened with Sven.
126
00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:56,105
But those pictures we took
so I could scout the site?
127
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:57,899
He just posted them on Instagram.
128
00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:01,569
"Wow, can't believe
I was at the fracking site
129
00:06:01,652 --> 00:06:04,072
with Abby Hammond
days before the terrorist attack."
130
00:06:04,163 --> 00:06:05,539
Hashtag brush with death.
131
00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:08,451
Hashtag makes you think.
Hashtag these colors don't run.
132
00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:11,579
This is bad. This puts me
at the crime scene
133
00:06:11,662 --> 00:06:13,904
- taking photos like I'm casing it.
- Which you were.
134
00:06:13,953 --> 00:06:16,724
It would be great if the FBI
didn't know that.
135
00:06:17,335 --> 00:06:18,895
We have to get Sven to take these down.
136
00:06:19,003 --> 00:06:21,923
Definitely. Oh, also,
we should get rid of my backpack.
137
00:06:22,006 --> 00:06:24,092
We had the C4 in it
so there's probably residue.
138
00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:27,762
I'll do that. You deal with Sven.
He and I didn't end on the best terms.
139
00:06:27,845 --> 00:06:30,556
Sure. Want me to rough him up
or just talk to him?
140
00:06:31,168 --> 00:06:33,241
Keep in mind I'm only capable
of one of those things.
141
00:06:33,274 --> 00:06:34,274
You'll do great.
142
00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:37,188
Hey, speaking of our web of deception...
143
00:06:38,022 --> 00:06:40,691
Your mom told my parents
that we're in a relationship.
144
00:06:40,775 --> 00:06:41,818
What did Joel think?
145
00:06:41,984 --> 00:06:44,695
Yeah, my point is, can you please ask
her not to tell anyone else?
146
00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:46,781
It's just... I'd like
to keep this contained.
147
00:06:47,573 --> 00:06:48,825
Sure, I'll tell her.
148
00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:50,827
Does it make you uncomfortable?
149
00:06:51,689 --> 00:06:53,024
It's not you. lt's just...
150
00:06:53,058 --> 00:06:55,728
I have so many lies on my plate,
I really can't handle another one.
151
00:06:55,915 --> 00:06:57,299
Totally get it. No worries.
152
00:06:57,369 --> 00:06:59,219
No one but our parents
will think we're together.
153
00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:01,754
- Thank you.
- Except my mom already told my grandma.
154
00:07:02,580 --> 00:07:04,165
She wants to give you her ring.
155
00:07:10,054 --> 00:07:12,640
Do you really think Ron could be
a Knight of Serbia?
156
00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:14,142
Or maybe he just thinks he is.
157
00:07:14,225 --> 00:07:16,227
Either way, we should be prepared.
158
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:18,145
Argh.
159
00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:19,688
Fuck this thing.
160
00:07:20,071 --> 00:07:22,066
I told you I'd knit you a cover.
161
00:07:24,652 --> 00:07:26,154
[GASPS] Joel? Oh!
162
00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:29,949
I was so worried about you.
163
00:07:30,032 --> 00:07:31,367
I was a little worried too, Ron.
164
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:34,287
- Hi, Sheila.
- Hi, Ron.
165
00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:37,165
Come in. It's so good to see you guys.
166
00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:42,045
So... What brings you here?
167
00:07:42,872 --> 00:07:45,472
Hm... The knife you stuck in our door
168
00:07:45,506 --> 00:07:47,884
with the note that said,
"Beware, the knights are coming."
169
00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:49,607
I didn't stick a knife in your door.
170
00:07:49,672 --> 00:07:51,465
It had your fingerprints on it.
171
00:07:52,388 --> 00:07:55,475
Okay, I did stick a knife in your door.
I wanted to warn you
172
00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:58,394
your lives were in danger
but I didn't want you to know it was me
173
00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,897
because I'm the one who
put your lives in danger.
174
00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:02,273
Does anyone want tea?
175
00:08:02,690 --> 00:08:04,525
No tea. What did you do, Ron?
176
00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:07,653
Okay, I met this guy Paul
through a paranormal subreddit
177
00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:10,615
and I told him... What's in the satchel?
178
00:08:11,407 --> 00:08:13,951
Don't worry about that. You told him...
179
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:15,160
Right.
180
00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:18,372
Sorry. Now all I can think about
is the satchel.
181
00:08:18,624 --> 00:08:20,625
Ron! We need you to focus here.
182
00:08:20,791 --> 00:08:21,791
You got it.
183
00:08:22,543 --> 00:08:23,628
- Ron!
- I'm with you!
184
00:08:25,379 --> 00:08:26,506
Here... Look.
185
00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:30,301
It's just a hammer knife...
in case we have to kill you.
186
00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:33,387
Thank you. That was going
to drive me crazy.
187
00:08:34,192 --> 00:08:35,652
Please, sit.
188
00:08:38,684 --> 00:08:40,770
So... This guy Paul.
189
00:08:40,853 --> 00:08:44,232
Yeah. He has this weird spider-like
thing tattooed on his arm.
190
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,357
Mr. Ball Legs.
191
00:08:45,399 --> 00:08:46,484
What's that?
192
00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:48,194
Doesn't matter. Go on.
193
00:08:48,277 --> 00:08:49,277
Okay.
194
00:08:52,488 --> 00:08:53,519
I can't.
195
00:08:53,569 --> 00:08:56,780
Fine. When you become undead,
you throw up a pod...
196
00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:59,580
and it eventually turns
into an eight-legged creature.
197
00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:01,040
That's Mr. Ball Legs.
198
00:09:01,295 --> 00:09:03,167
Thank you, Sheila. See?
199
00:09:03,709 --> 00:09:05,670
Is it so hard to include me?
200
00:09:05,753 --> 00:09:09,131
So this Paul... Did he say
he was a Knight of Serbia?
201
00:09:10,631 --> 00:09:12,139
- Yes.
- Holy shit, they're here.
202
00:09:12,420 --> 00:09:15,721
They started hunting the undead
500 years ago, and now they're here.
203
00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:17,734
Do you know how many there are?
204
00:09:17,768 --> 00:09:19,227
Doesn't seem like a lot.
205
00:09:19,342 --> 00:09:21,542
I think there's just one
for each region of the country.
206
00:09:22,123 --> 00:09:25,565
Paul has California, Arizona
and the Vegas Strip.
207
00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:28,025
Obviously, the Knights are not
immune to gerrymandering.
208
00:09:28,317 --> 00:09:31,571
So... what is it like being undead?
209
00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:34,198
Forget that. What did
you tell Paul about us?
210
00:09:36,015 --> 00:09:37,015
[SIGHS]
211
00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,996
Well, your whole life changes.
212
00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:42,623
It's like that moment
in The Wizard of Oz
213
00:09:42,707 --> 00:09:47,420
when the whole world goes
from black and white to... color.
214
00:09:47,993 --> 00:09:48,994
Wow.
215
00:09:49,505 --> 00:09:51,424
That sounds wonderful.
216
00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:54,218
Yeah, my life has been pretty gray
since my wife died.
217
00:09:54,343 --> 00:09:55,511
We did everything together.
218
00:09:56,971 --> 00:09:58,139
Oh, Ron, I'm so sorry.
219
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:00,599
That's okay.
220
00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:04,770
So, what is your favorite part
about being immortal?
221
00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:06,814
Are you looking forward
to living on Mars one day?
222
00:10:07,189 --> 00:10:08,649
Wait. Immortal?
223
00:10:09,191 --> 00:10:10,901
Yeah... You're undead.
224
00:10:10,985 --> 00:10:13,029
So unless someone puts a spike
through your head,
225
00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:14,989
you're going to live forever.
226
00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:19,160
I haven't thought of that.
227
00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:20,828
Neither did I.
228
00:10:21,495 --> 00:10:22,747
That's pretty intense.
229
00:10:23,414 --> 00:10:24,582
You guys, focus!
230
00:10:24,665 --> 00:10:26,208
Paul is trying to kill you!
231
00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:27,960
Right. What did you tell him about us?
232
00:10:28,085 --> 00:10:31,005
All I said was I know an undead woman...
233
00:10:31,213 --> 00:10:32,590
But nothing about us specifically.
234
00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:34,800
...who's one half of a realtor couple...
235
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:37,261
- But not where we live.
- ...in Santa Clarita.
236
00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:42,183
So, we go to Paul's, see what he knows.
237
00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:44,777
Right. And then we figure out a way
to throw him off his tracks.
238
00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:46,090
You know, so he doesn't kill me.
239
00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:47,563
How do we get him to talk to us?
240
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:50,775
You could pretend to be
a Knight of Serbia...
241
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:52,568
visiting from another region.
242
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:53,652
I could be a Knight.
243
00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:56,238
I did so more tricky legs than anyone
at the Renaissance Fair.
244
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:57,322
You did.
245
00:10:58,407 --> 00:11:01,118
So... I'm going to live forever.
246
00:11:01,452 --> 00:11:02,870
That's some shit, right?
247
00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:04,664
Yeah... Hard to imagine.
248
00:11:05,373 --> 00:11:07,750
Although, if Paul recognizes us
from the clam farm...
249
00:11:07,958 --> 00:11:08,959
we could both die today.
250
00:11:09,043 --> 00:11:10,795
I could meet my great-grandchildren
251
00:11:10,878 --> 00:11:12,755
and their great-grandchildren.
252
00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:14,507
That's so many greats.
253
00:11:14,715 --> 00:11:16,175
What would they even call me?
254
00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:19,053
- Honey... we have bigger...
- How about Bop bop?
255
00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:21,430
Well, you just add a bop
to every generation.
256
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:22,948
Of course, pretty soon
257
00:11:22,987 --> 00:11:26,644
I would be Bop bop bop bop bop bop bop
bop bop bop bop bop.
258
00:11:27,103 --> 00:11:28,938
I don't even know how
to think about that.
259
00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:30,606
You're talking centuries from now.
260
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:33,484
Even if we do survive today,
with all the shit coming at us...
261
00:11:33,567 --> 00:11:35,778
I don't know how we're gonna get
through the year.
262
00:11:36,242 --> 00:11:37,243
Whoa.
263
00:11:38,989 --> 00:11:41,450
Well, let's just focus on today, then.
264
00:11:42,451 --> 00:11:44,704
How are we going to get Paul
to believe you're a Knight?
265
00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:46,539
Still have those fancy
colored pens at home?
266
00:11:46,622 --> 00:11:49,041
Of course. They're at Bop bop's
arts and crafts store.
267
00:11:58,175 --> 00:11:59,927
You're throwing away your backpack?
268
00:12:01,887 --> 00:12:04,014
Yes... as people do.
269
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:07,226
It looks pretty new.
Why are you getting rid of it?
270
00:12:08,018 --> 00:12:09,770
It was asking too many questions.
271
00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:11,271
I know you.
272
00:12:11,605 --> 00:12:13,941
You were in Environmental Club
for, like, five minutes.
273
00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:16,318
You're Winter, right?
274
00:12:16,527 --> 00:12:18,154
I saw you at the fundraiser.
275
00:12:18,362 --> 00:12:20,906
You made the lemon squares
that were so good...
276
00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:22,825
Amanda threw her batch down the stairs.
277
00:12:22,908 --> 00:12:25,703
Yeah, people think just 'cause I have
a shitty attitude, I can't bake.
278
00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:27,288
People can be more than one thing.
279
00:12:27,371 --> 00:12:29,373
Abraham Lincoln invented the pancake.
280
00:12:31,834 --> 00:12:34,670
If you don't want anyone to find that,
you should cut it up or burn it.
281
00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:43,470
My dude.
282
00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:46,098
Saw your Instagram
about the fracking site.
283
00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:47,308
Thanks, man.
284
00:12:47,808 --> 00:12:48,808
I'm okay.
285
00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:51,020
Oh, good. We've all been so worried.
286
00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:53,230
But, hey, listen. Those pictures
put you at the site
287
00:12:53,314 --> 00:12:55,408
right before it exploded.
It might look incriminating.
288
00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:56,841
You should probably take them down.
289
00:12:57,276 --> 00:12:58,276
I didn't do anything.
290
00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:00,070
- Might seem like you did.
- But I didn't.
291
00:13:00,948 --> 00:13:02,533
- Might seem...
- But I didn't.
292
00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:03,603
Mm-hmm...
293
00:13:03,637 --> 00:13:06,494
We were just there because Abby
wanted to take pictures.
294
00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:10,456
Wait. Is she the one
you're worried about?
295
00:13:10,831 --> 00:13:11,831
Abby? No...
296
00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:13,674
Do you not want people knowing
Abby was there?
297
00:13:13,709 --> 00:13:15,294
Me? No. What? No.
298
00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:17,046
She was acting weird.
299
00:13:17,379 --> 00:13:19,131
At one point, she asked me to move over
300
00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:21,383
like she wanted better pictures
of the site.
301
00:13:21,435 --> 00:13:22,770
Why would she do that unless...
302
00:13:22,812 --> 00:13:24,290
Abby and I are dating, okay?
303
00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:26,430
And seeing photos of you two
together tears me apart
304
00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:28,015
so I need you to take them down.
305
00:13:28,098 --> 00:13:29,183
I'm jealous, Sven.
306
00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:31,727
I hate that I'm like that,
but there it is.
307
00:13:32,019 --> 00:13:33,521
I'm a jealous motherfucker.
308
00:13:34,897 --> 00:13:35,897
Okay.
309
00:13:36,273 --> 00:13:37,733
- I get that.
- Wait!
310
00:13:37,942 --> 00:13:39,527
You're dating Abby Hammond?
311
00:13:40,611 --> 00:13:42,321
Shit... Yeah.
312
00:13:44,156 --> 00:13:45,533
I mean, shit yeah!
313
00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:57,470
We know that Paul is looking
for a realtor couple so...
314
00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:59,213
- I got it.
- And if he recognizes us
315
00:13:59,296 --> 00:14:00,798
- from the clam farm?
- I got it.
316
00:14:02,383 --> 00:14:04,218
Did you really mean
what you said before?
317
00:14:04,301 --> 00:14:06,461
That you thought we might not
make it through the year?
318
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:07,763
Our life is precarious.
319
00:14:08,013 --> 00:14:10,850
Every day, we're one mistake away
from losing everything.
320
00:14:11,308 --> 00:14:13,435
But every day we're still here,
and I think
321
00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:15,229
we're getting better and better at this.
322
00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:16,897
Maybe you're just a pessimist.
323
00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:18,065
Or maybe I'm a realist.
324
00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:20,451
I did tell you in college
that your Beanie Baby collection
325
00:14:20,484 --> 00:14:23,988
would have no value, so you should just
take the tags off and have fun.
326
00:14:26,657 --> 00:14:27,908
- Hi!
- Hi!
327
00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:29,450
Are you Paul?
328
00:14:30,369 --> 00:14:32,621
Paul! There's people here to see you!
329
00:14:32,746 --> 00:14:34,290
- Who are they?
- I don't know!
330
00:14:34,498 --> 00:14:36,500
I'm not your fucking butler!
331
00:14:36,917 --> 00:14:38,168
Come in or whatever.
332
00:14:41,463 --> 00:14:44,800
They're loose in the house now,
if you want to come deal with it!
333
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:48,178
- Hey.
- Hi.
334
00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:49,847
We're Belle and Sebastian.
335
00:14:49,930 --> 00:14:51,891
A brother-sister, doctor-nurse team.
336
00:14:52,433 --> 00:14:53,633
What can I do for you, Doctor?
337
00:14:53,767 --> 00:14:55,519
Why do you assume she's the doctor?
338
00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:57,396
- Why wouldn't he?
- It's just...
339
00:14:57,813 --> 00:15:00,024
I'm curious what about me
says nurse to you.
340
00:15:00,107 --> 00:15:02,902
I don't know. Kind eyes,
upper body strength.
341
00:15:03,652 --> 00:15:05,779
Oh, well then. Thank you.
342
00:15:07,364 --> 00:15:08,616
Did you two want something?
343
00:15:08,699 --> 00:15:10,826
We're in town visiting from the Midwest
344
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:14,496
and we just wanted to stop by
and congratulate the man
345
00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:16,582
who blew up that clam farm.
346
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,376
How do you know about that?
347
00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:21,003
Because you and I...
348
00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:22,922
have something in common.
349
00:15:23,005 --> 00:15:25,651
[SUSPENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
350
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:28,802
How's it going?
351
00:15:30,971 --> 00:15:31,971
Oh, my God.
352
00:15:32,014 --> 00:15:34,767
I've never met another
Knight of Serbia before.
353
00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:37,728
I mean, I exchanged pie recipes once
with a Knight in Florida,
354
00:15:37,811 --> 00:15:39,688
but she went paleo and
then we lost touch.
355
00:15:41,398 --> 00:15:42,524
Oh, my goodness.
356
00:15:42,816 --> 00:15:43,859
[CHUCKLE NERVOUSLY]
357
00:15:44,109 --> 00:15:45,527
Please, sit. Have a seat.
358
00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:47,740
Sorry about the mess.
359
00:15:48,538 --> 00:15:52,209
I'm meeting my girlfriend Marsha in
Hawaii. We're going to start a family.
360
00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:56,413
Great news! Congratulations!
361
00:15:57,081 --> 00:15:58,082
So that's it, then?
362
00:15:58,165 --> 00:16:00,376
You won't be hunting the undead anymore?
363
00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:03,170
No. I'm hanging up my rocket launcher,
which is a good thing
364
00:16:03,253 --> 00:16:05,297
because the rockets are stupid expensive
365
00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:08,425
and you have to buy them from, like...
the worst people.
366
00:16:09,551 --> 00:16:11,637
Paul's leaving town to start a family.
367
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:12,805
How romantic.
368
00:16:13,594 --> 00:16:15,512
Do you see why I'm an optimist, bro?
369
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:20,187
Tommy, Goddamnit!
370
00:16:21,271 --> 00:16:22,356
You had a moth.
371
00:16:23,899 --> 00:16:25,818
You come into my house...
372
00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:28,654
and you try to eat my wounds?
373
00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:30,114
Fuck you!
374
00:16:33,695 --> 00:16:35,948
You've met met my
unpleasant brother Tommy.
375
00:16:36,328 --> 00:16:38,080
He used to be a sniper in the Army.
376
00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:41,500
But now he's going to take over for me
as the new Knight of Serbia.
377
00:16:42,042 --> 00:16:44,628
So the guy who exchanged
pie recipes is out
378
00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:47,506
and the professional sharpshooter is in.
379
00:16:47,756 --> 00:16:48,756
Yay.
380
00:16:49,642 --> 00:16:50,985
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
381
00:16:51,260 --> 00:16:52,260
Hey.
382
00:16:52,501 --> 00:16:54,763
So, I cut the backpack into pieces
383
00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:57,725
and put the pieces in separate
dumpsters. Smart, right?
384
00:16:57,891 --> 00:17:00,291
- How'd it go with Sven?
- I got him to take down the photos.
385
00:17:00,352 --> 00:17:01,992
And that's the victory
we should focus on
386
00:17:02,062 --> 00:17:04,257
while I tell you this other really funny
thing that happened.
387
00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:05,670
Oh, my God.
388
00:17:05,899 --> 00:17:08,527
I just heard from Emily
that you have a boyfriend...
389
00:17:08,986 --> 00:17:10,696
- and it's this guy.
- Eric.
390
00:17:11,739 --> 00:17:14,116
Oh, my God. He is in love with you.
391
00:17:14,908 --> 00:17:17,202
Yeah, it's all happening so fast.
392
00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:18,495
Which can be explained.
393
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:21,540
I want what you have.
394
00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:25,419
- What the hell?
- Sven was getting suspicious.
395
00:17:25,502 --> 00:17:27,219
I had said I was jealous
about the pictures
396
00:17:27,253 --> 00:17:28,546
to get him to take them down.
397
00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:30,632
But now the whole school
thinks we're dating.
398
00:17:30,758 --> 00:17:31,758
So?
399
00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:34,344
Is the idea of being with me
that embarrassing to you?
400
00:17:34,428 --> 00:17:35,763
- No!
- Then why are you so upset?
401
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:38,190
Because it's like all these events
keep pushing us together
402
00:17:38,223 --> 00:17:39,349
and I'm not ready.
403
00:17:42,436 --> 00:17:44,146
If we ever do get together,
I want it to be
404
00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:45,773
because both of us choose it.
405
00:17:47,691 --> 00:17:48,691
I understand.
406
00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:50,610
I'm sorry.
407
00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:52,570
Thank you.
408
00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:54,782
"Ever do get together"?
409
00:17:54,865 --> 00:17:56,492
- Eric...
- No, sorry. I get it.
410
00:17:58,827 --> 00:18:00,120
And I'm sick of it!
411
00:18:02,956 --> 00:18:05,209
- What?
- We're done.
412
00:18:05,542 --> 00:18:07,294
I'm breaking up with you, Abby.
413
00:18:08,962 --> 00:18:10,339
You're breaking up with me?
414
00:18:10,464 --> 00:18:12,091
I heard they're having problems.
415
00:18:12,174 --> 00:18:13,217
I'm sorry.
416
00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:16,855
I tried to make it work, but I
can't be with just one female.
417
00:18:17,471 --> 00:18:19,681
I'm like a blue tongue
skink, in that way.
418
00:18:20,140 --> 00:18:23,685
God, I'm going to miss your deep,
sexy knowledge of lizards.
419
00:18:24,853 --> 00:18:25,853
Goodbye.
420
00:18:28,857 --> 00:18:30,359
Sorry, y'all had to see that.
421
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:41,120
Excuse me. Could you direct me
to Principal Novak's office?
422
00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:42,996
Yeah, just down the hall
423
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:44,873
you make a right and then a left...
424
00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:47,543
Whoa. You have a gun.
Are you here to arrest him?
425
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:50,921
Is he the guy who robbed a Starbucks
wearing that mascot costume?
426
00:18:51,713 --> 00:18:53,841
I don't know anything about that.
I'm with the FBI.
427
00:18:57,136 --> 00:19:00,180
So... tell us about when
you blew up the clam farm.
428
00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:01,640
What did you see that night?
429
00:19:01,723 --> 00:19:03,225
I'd heard about an undead woman...
430
00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:05,602
and I think she was there,
running from the explosion.
431
00:19:05,769 --> 00:19:07,146
- No.
- Yeah.
432
00:19:07,271 --> 00:19:10,232
She was a short blonde woman
with a taller man.
433
00:19:10,919 --> 00:19:12,421
It was pretty dark out...
434
00:19:12,609 --> 00:19:14,653
but I'd know them if I saw them again.
435
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:17,322
Hey...
436
00:19:20,033 --> 00:19:21,743
I never offered you guys a drink.
437
00:19:22,411 --> 00:19:23,411
Oh!
438
00:19:23,620 --> 00:19:24,872
We're fine, thanks.
439
00:19:24,955 --> 00:19:27,124
So, this undead woman
you're looking for...
440
00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:28,417
What's your plan?
441
00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:29,654
He doesn't have one.
442
00:19:29,732 --> 00:19:32,713
This is the first undead
sighting in 50 years
443
00:19:32,796 --> 00:19:34,840
and this needle dick's
running off to Hawaii.
444
00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:37,634
Because I'm in love and
I get to be happy.
445
00:19:37,718 --> 00:19:40,012
And the plan is that you are
going to apply yourself
446
00:19:40,095 --> 00:19:43,557
for the first time in your life
and track this woman down.
447
00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:47,311
Now, we know that she and her husband
are realtors in Santa Clarita.
448
00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:48,978
Hey.
449
00:19:49,229 --> 00:19:51,231
We're going to be in town
for a little while.
450
00:19:51,356 --> 00:19:53,483
We could help you find
this realtor couple.
451
00:19:53,567 --> 00:19:55,986
Yeah. We could even kill her for you.
452
00:19:56,236 --> 00:19:58,655
Wow. This plan's really coming together.
453
00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:01,950
No. You can find her, but I want
to shoot the brain out of her skull
454
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:04,874
and then I'm gonna find that freaky
little spider thing and I'm gonna...
455
00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:06,121
keep it as a pet.
456
00:20:07,548 --> 00:20:09,791
It's called a maladragon, dummy.
457
00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:11,335
Which you would know, had you read
458
00:20:11,501 --> 00:20:13,045
any of the sacred texts.
459
00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:14,880
And you can't keep it as a pet...
460
00:20:14,963 --> 00:20:18,175
because they die when you
separate them from their host.
461
00:20:18,592 --> 00:20:19,927
Really? They die?
462
00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:21,970
Okay, we haven't agreed upon a plan.
463
00:20:22,179 --> 00:20:23,597
We'll find the undead woman.
464
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:26,391
You study up and don't do anything
until you hear from us.
465
00:20:26,475 --> 00:20:29,686
And, if you lose interest
in the whole project, that's fine, too.
466
00:20:30,493 --> 00:20:31,508
Sweetie?
467
00:20:31,542 --> 00:20:34,107
What? You call your sister Sweetie?
468
00:20:34,191 --> 00:20:35,191
Yeah.
469
00:20:35,442 --> 00:20:36,526
That's her last name.
470
00:20:36,818 --> 00:20:39,167
Yeah. I'm married to Ken Sweetie.
471
00:20:39,203 --> 00:20:40,538
Yeah. What's your problem?
472
00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:42,407
- I don't have a problem.
- Okay, then.
473
00:20:43,514 --> 00:20:44,514
Sweetie?
474
00:20:47,151 --> 00:20:50,299
Mr. Ball Legs is dying
'cause he's not with Ramona.
475
00:20:50,376 --> 00:20:51,586
That is so sad.
476
00:20:51,627 --> 00:20:53,422
Okay, but I don't know if Mr. Ball Legs
477
00:20:53,456 --> 00:20:55,120
is our biggest problem right now.
478
00:20:56,296 --> 00:20:59,424
We can't let him die.
I'm going to call Ramona
479
00:20:59,508 --> 00:21:01,718
and see if she'll come down
from Seattle and get him.
480
00:21:01,843 --> 00:21:03,437
Let's put a pin on the Ramona discussion
481
00:21:03,470 --> 00:21:05,390
until we figure out
how we're going to find Tommy
482
00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:07,266
and undead realtor who isn't you.
483
00:21:07,891 --> 00:21:09,434
Well, what if we make one up?
484
00:21:09,977 --> 00:21:10,977
Ooh, I like it.
485
00:21:11,061 --> 00:21:12,229
I get to pick the name.
486
00:21:12,354 --> 00:21:13,981
Hold on. Maybe I want to...
487
00:21:14,064 --> 00:21:15,732
Rosemary Sinclair.
488
00:21:16,066 --> 00:21:17,651
Shit, that's good.
489
00:21:21,989 --> 00:21:24,825
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...
490
00:21:24,978 --> 00:21:26,688
Rosemary Sinclair.
491
00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:28,870
The undead realtor of Santa Clarita.
492
00:21:29,079 --> 00:21:31,206
Wow. Nice fake website.
493
00:21:31,623 --> 00:21:33,375
I'd buy a house from the Sinclairs.
494
00:21:33,458 --> 00:21:34,458
It's a stock photo.
495
00:21:34,543 --> 00:21:36,136
There's also one of them washing the dog
496
00:21:36,169 --> 00:21:38,755
and one of Rosemary
getting bad news over the phone.
497
00:21:39,172 --> 00:21:41,717
I found a motel near the airport...
498
00:21:42,092 --> 00:21:44,720
where we can book a room
for Mr. and Mrs. Sinclair.
499
00:21:44,886 --> 00:21:46,732
Great. Let's tell Tommy
they stayed there
500
00:21:46,766 --> 00:21:48,278
the night before they skipped town.
501
00:21:48,388 --> 00:21:51,497
Because they heard the Knights of Serbia
were closing in on them.
502
00:21:51,591 --> 00:21:53,312
And we confirmed Rosemary's undead
503
00:21:53,395 --> 00:21:55,772
because we found body parts
in their motel room.
504
00:21:57,649 --> 00:22:00,360
Looks like we're going to make it
through another day.
505
00:22:01,945 --> 00:22:04,072
I just got a little
overwhelmed sometimes.
506
00:22:04,614 --> 00:22:05,615
I get it.
507
00:22:06,033 --> 00:22:08,952
The last 24 hours, we could have died
three different ways.
508
00:22:09,036 --> 00:22:10,996
Four, if we count that
left turn you made.
509
00:22:11,204 --> 00:22:12,706
But... we're still here.
510
00:22:13,373 --> 00:22:15,917
String a few good days
like this together...
511
00:22:16,084 --> 00:22:17,878
Pretty soon, you make
it through the week.
512
00:22:17,961 --> 00:22:19,212
Then the month, then the year.
513
00:22:19,421 --> 00:22:21,340
Then, who knows?
Someday, a stadium of children
514
00:22:21,423 --> 00:22:23,675
are singing "Happy Birthday"
to Bop bop bop bop bop.
515
00:22:25,052 --> 00:22:26,386
Are you becoming an optimist?
516
00:22:26,706 --> 00:22:28,875
No. I'm still a realist.
517
00:22:29,639 --> 00:22:31,224
I just like our chances.
518
00:22:32,601 --> 00:22:34,144
It's Anne! You guys home?
519
00:22:34,227 --> 00:22:36,104
So she just walks into our house now?
520
00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:37,773
I got you a Costco chicken!
521
00:22:37,939 --> 00:22:39,733
Fuck, yeah. We're in here!
522
00:22:40,817 --> 00:22:41,860
Thank you, Anne.
523
00:22:41,943 --> 00:22:43,820
That was so nice of you.
524
00:22:43,904 --> 00:22:45,906
Sure. Oh!
525
00:22:45,989 --> 00:22:48,429
And I also took care of your little
Chris and Christa problem.
526
00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:49,534
Huh?
527
00:22:49,701 --> 00:22:51,703
I didn't like how they disrespected you.
528
00:22:51,870 --> 00:22:54,539
So I looked them up on the sheriff's
database and it turns out...
529
00:22:54,790 --> 00:22:56,416
they were once convicted of fraud.
530
00:22:56,875 --> 00:22:58,377
And what did you do, Anne?
531
00:22:58,502 --> 00:23:00,837
I leaked it to my friend
at the Valley Journal.
532
00:23:00,921 --> 00:23:03,090
She wrote a pretty
scathing story about them
533
00:23:03,215 --> 00:23:05,717
so they're not gonna be much
competition for you anymore.
534
00:23:07,094 --> 00:23:09,888
Oh, and I also got you some
barbecue sauce, but it's habanero.
535
00:23:09,971 --> 00:23:10,972
So... look out.
536
00:23:15,894 --> 00:23:19,272
I do like the idea of neutering
Chris and Christa.
537
00:23:19,398 --> 00:23:22,109
Me too. But this is kind of extreme.
538
00:23:22,317 --> 00:23:23,819
Wish she would have asked us first.
539
00:23:23,902 --> 00:23:26,947
Definitely. Although, she means well.
540
00:23:27,072 --> 00:23:28,824
And it is just an article.
541
00:23:29,699 --> 00:23:32,452
I still think we should talk to her...
Set some boundaries.
542
00:23:32,994 --> 00:23:33,994
[KNOCKING]
543
00:23:38,750 --> 00:23:42,170
- My goodness. It's her.
- Hello, we're the Randolphs.
544
00:23:42,379 --> 00:23:44,506
I'm George, and this is my wife, Claire.
545
00:23:44,762 --> 00:23:46,847
We've heard of your work
and wanted to meet you.
546
00:23:47,401 --> 00:23:49,403
Oh, do you want to sell your house?
547
00:23:49,845 --> 00:23:51,304
Do you want us to sell our house?
548
00:23:52,013 --> 00:23:53,014
[SCOFFS] Excuse me?
549
00:23:53,106 --> 00:23:55,712
We know Anne from church.
She said we shouldn't contact you,
550
00:23:55,746 --> 00:23:58,707
but we... just had to witness
God's messenger on Earth.
551
00:24:01,940 --> 00:24:02,940
Oh...
552
00:24:03,275 --> 00:24:05,026
Could you give us a moment?
553
00:24:08,447 --> 00:24:09,698
- Fuck!
- Shit!
554
00:24:11,032 --> 00:24:12,492
Oh, we have to fire Anne.
555
00:24:12,868 --> 00:24:15,287
Yeah... before she does any more damage.
556
00:24:15,662 --> 00:24:16,662
[SIGHS]
557
00:24:18,373 --> 00:24:20,584
Whoa. I think I found the undead woman.
558
00:24:20,792 --> 00:24:21,792
What?
559
00:24:21,918 --> 00:24:23,545
Realtor couple in Santa Clarita.
560
00:24:23,628 --> 00:24:26,006
He's tall, she's blonde. Look familiar?
561
00:24:26,089 --> 00:24:28,133
Holy shit! That's them.
562
00:24:29,958 --> 00:24:32,637
Those are the people from the
clam farm, I'm sure of it.
563
00:24:32,721 --> 00:24:37,309
Sleep well, Christa Caldwell,
because tomorrow you die.
564
00:24:37,809 --> 00:24:38,809
Really?
565
00:24:39,269 --> 00:24:41,229
You're just jealous. You didn't say it.
42419
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