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1
00:00:02,195 --> 00:00:03,608
Shit!
2
00:00:05,126 --> 00:00:06,298
Bitch, it's 10:04!
3
00:00:06,299 --> 00:00:07,884
I overslept! I packed my alarm!
4
00:00:07,885 --> 00:00:09,505
I'll change so fast!
5
00:00:09,506 --> 00:00:11,229
No bra! Save time!
6
00:00:11,230 --> 00:00:13,505
- It's 10:44.
- Okay, we got this.
7
00:00:13,506 --> 00:00:16,194
I am not letting you miss
your last NYCBEC, bitch!
8
00:00:22,506 --> 00:00:25,367
I think we might get it, dude!
9
00:00:25,368 --> 00:00:26,712
Oh, Jesus Christ.
10
00:00:26,713 --> 00:00:27,884
- Okay.
- Come on, sister.
11
00:00:27,885 --> 00:00:29,643
Come on. We don't got time!
12
00:00:32,023 --> 00:00:33,643
Ma'ams, children are dying!
13
00:00:33,644 --> 00:00:35,160
Ilana, cat pass!
14
00:00:35,161 --> 00:00:37,229
They're starving! They're so hungry!
15
00:00:37,230 --> 00:00:38,746
You need to feed them!
16
00:00:38,747 --> 00:00:41,781
From the moment they're born,
they're dying!
17
00:00:41,782 --> 00:00:42,782
This isn't the end!
18
00:00:42,783 --> 00:00:44,229
Get us!
19
00:00:44,230 --> 00:00:45,863
- We're almost there.
- We're so close. Yes.
20
00:00:45,874 --> 00:00:48,436
Get ready for the best bacon,
egg, and cheese in New York City.
21
00:00:49,506 --> 00:00:50,539
What?
22
00:00:52,195 --> 00:00:53,815
Oh, no!
23
00:00:58,376 --> 00:01:00,893
- Synced and corrected by Shazi89 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
24
00:01:00,904 --> 00:01:03,125
I can't believe that the bodega
25
00:01:03,126 --> 00:01:05,919
with the best bacon, egg,
and cheese is literally gone.
26
00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:07,781
Okay, it's okay.
27
00:01:07,782 --> 00:01:10,470
We're gonna get one right now
and forget that ever happened
28
00:01:10,471 --> 00:01:11,884
when we're taking painful
29
00:01:11,885 --> 00:01:13,616
bacon, egg, and cheese shits
later, okay?
30
00:01:13,627 --> 00:01:15,815
- Oh, I can't wait.
- Come on.
31
00:01:15,816 --> 00:01:17,953
You're listening to Hot 97.
32
00:01:17,954 --> 00:01:20,229
Ugh, the sign. Let's lay on the charm.
Here we go.
33
00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:26,884
- My goodness.
- Wow.
34
00:01:26,885 --> 00:01:29,608
So much on the menu
that looks delicious.
35
00:01:29,609 --> 00:01:31,608
- Yeah.
- What do we get?
36
00:01:31,609 --> 00:01:33,160
I know it's "wate,"
37
00:01:33,161 --> 00:01:35,746
but I really would like
some "bweakfast" food.
38
00:01:35,747 --> 00:01:38,229
Hey, hunky boy.
39
00:01:38,230 --> 00:01:41,643
Hi. Hi.
40
00:01:41,644 --> 00:01:46,712
Can we get two bacon, egg, and cheeses?
41
00:01:46,713 --> 00:01:48,850
Nope. No eggs after 11:00.
42
00:01:48,851 --> 00:01:50,194
You know what?
43
00:01:50,195 --> 00:01:52,884
This is this angel's final breakfast
44
00:01:52,885 --> 00:01:54,194
- in New York City.
- Yeah.
45
00:01:54,195 --> 00:01:57,505
Before she goes and rebuilds homes
for Christian tsunami victims.
46
00:01:57,506 --> 00:01:58,919
Okay, that's not true.
47
00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:00,298
And you are gonna deny her this?
48
00:02:00,299 --> 00:02:02,850
You are gonna deny her this Make-A-Wish?
49
00:02:02,851 --> 00:02:05,332
For shame.
50
00:02:05,333 --> 00:02:07,091
Shame!
51
00:02:07,092 --> 00:02:08,194
Shame!
52
00:02:08,195 --> 00:02:09,505
Shame!
53
00:02:14,989 --> 00:02:17,263
Yeah, yeah.
54
00:02:17,264 --> 00:02:20,953
I'm just gonna leave some money
for you fellas.
55
00:02:20,954 --> 00:02:22,583
That was inappropriate.
56
00:02:30,126 --> 00:02:33,470
I feel better. Let's go.
57
00:02:33,471 --> 00:02:36,125
- This is gonna be delish.
- We got this.
58
00:02:36,126 --> 00:02:39,091
- We got this.
- Jesus Christ.
59
00:02:40,920 --> 00:02:42,781
Oh, no, no. We're not doing this.
60
00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:47,125
I can't believe we couldn't find you
61
00:02:47,126 --> 00:02:49,953
one last bacon, egg, and cheese
before you go.
62
00:02:49,954 --> 00:02:51,298
I failed you.
63
00:02:51,299 --> 00:02:52,953
No, you didn't, dude.
64
00:02:52,954 --> 00:02:55,056
And also, maybe I, like,
can buy the ingredients.
65
00:02:55,057 --> 00:02:58,022
We could FaceTime
while I make it in Boulder.
66
00:02:58,023 --> 00:02:59,263
Oh, God.
67
00:02:59,264 --> 00:03:00,815
It's not the bacon, egg, and cheese.
68
00:03:00,816 --> 00:03:03,401
It's just... oh, God!
69
00:03:03,402 --> 00:03:05,608
Why the fuck would you go to Boulder?
70
00:03:05,609 --> 00:03:07,850
I mean, well, mainly for
the residency program.
71
00:03:07,851 --> 00:03:09,367
Yeah, yeah, residency,
72
00:03:09,368 --> 00:03:11,963
but... but what the fuck
is the culture there? Rocks?
73
00:03:11,974 --> 00:03:14,091
What could you possibly find at Boulder?
74
00:03:14,092 --> 00:03:16,505
What does Colorado have to offer
that New York City doesn't?
75
00:03:16,506 --> 00:03:18,884
Well, for one, recreational weed.
76
00:03:20,023 --> 00:03:21,263
Right.
77
00:03:21,264 --> 00:03:23,263
Yeah, but you're gonna come so soon.
78
00:03:23,264 --> 00:03:24,479
Oh, my God!
79
00:03:24,490 --> 00:03:26,252
I told you you can come
whenever you want.
80
00:03:26,263 --> 00:03:29,056
No, look. Oh.
81
00:03:29,057 --> 00:03:30,988
It is. It is!
82
00:03:32,506 --> 00:03:34,608
New York City, you've done it again!
83
00:03:34,609 --> 00:03:37,056
Abbi, this is a Wa-Unchi toilet.
84
00:03:37,057 --> 00:03:38,436
Don't you see?
85
00:03:38,437 --> 00:03:40,332
We thought we were on some classic
86
00:03:40,333 --> 00:03:42,263
Abbi and Ilana New York City
journey today.
87
00:03:42,264 --> 00:03:44,366
We thought it was for
the bacon, egg, and cheese.
88
00:03:44,377 --> 00:03:47,712
When, in fact, this was
our mission all along.
89
00:03:47,713 --> 00:03:50,263
Okay.
90
00:03:50,264 --> 00:03:54,574
Okay, but... so... so, what is
exactly the new mission now?
91
00:03:54,575 --> 00:03:56,815
This toilet. We're gonna
bring it back to my house.
92
00:03:56,816 --> 00:04:00,574
Are you... sure?
93
00:04:00,575 --> 00:04:02,781
Abbi, this is a Wa-Unchi.
94
00:04:02,782 --> 00:04:05,436
It's an intelligent toilet with
an UV light that breaks down
95
00:04:05,437 --> 00:04:07,850
the germs of fecal matter in the bowl.
96
00:04:07,851 --> 00:04:10,781
It has a heated seat and warm
water that sprays in your ass
97
00:04:10,782 --> 00:04:12,815
after you take a dump just like a bidet.
98
00:04:12,816 --> 00:04:15,401
God, every time you are sprayed,
you are reborn.
99
00:04:15,402 --> 00:04:16,953
Okay, Ilana, this is someone else's.
100
00:04:16,954 --> 00:04:18,953
This is gross.
Just don't touch it so much.
101
00:04:18,954 --> 00:04:22,574
Abbi, this was our tiny little
mission for the day.
102
00:04:22,575 --> 00:04:24,746
Come on. It's a $10,000 toilet.
103
00:04:24,747 --> 00:04:27,506
- Wow.
- I need this.
104
00:04:29,264 --> 00:04:30,815
Yeah, okay, yeah.
105
00:04:30,816 --> 00:04:33,988
Let's... you know what?
Let's take the toilet home!
106
00:04:33,989 --> 00:04:35,401
You won't regret it, mister!
107
00:04:35,402 --> 00:04:36,470
- I'll get a cab.
- Okay.
108
00:04:36,471 --> 00:04:39,401
Yeah, hey, yes.
109
00:04:39,402 --> 00:04:41,505
Okay. Tilt.
110
00:04:41,506 --> 00:04:42,953
- I'll do this.
- Legs.
111
00:04:42,954 --> 00:04:44,436
Legs. Step.
112
00:04:44,437 --> 00:04:47,229
Yeah.
113
00:04:47,230 --> 00:04:48,332
You dick!
114
00:04:48,333 --> 00:04:50,125
Toilet discrimination.
115
00:04:50,126 --> 00:04:52,125
Okay, um...
116
00:04:52,126 --> 00:04:54,263
Okay.
117
00:04:54,264 --> 00:04:55,746
Whoo.
118
00:04:55,747 --> 00:04:58,539
Jesus. Uber is surging
60 times the normal rate.
119
00:04:58,540 --> 00:05:00,332
Okay, I'll... I'll just call us a Lyft.
120
00:05:00,333 --> 00:05:02,677
Woof, my rating is very low.
121
00:05:02,678 --> 00:05:05,401
Probably from the pee incident.
122
00:05:05,402 --> 00:05:06,746
Again, sorry about that.
123
00:05:06,747 --> 00:05:08,299
- Totally fine.
- All right.
124
00:05:08,310 --> 00:05:10,689
How are we gonna get this toilet
back to Brooklyn?
125
00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:26,367
We're gonna walk it across the bridge?
126
00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:27,851
That's right.
127
00:05:29,489 --> 00:05:31,248
Kids are suckers, man.
128
00:05:31,259 --> 00:05:33,292
70 bucks for an old skateboard?
129
00:05:33,293 --> 00:05:35,361
Too easy.
130
00:05:35,362 --> 00:05:36,706
I can't believe we've never walked
131
00:05:36,707 --> 00:05:38,430
across the Brooklyn Bridge together.
132
00:05:38,431 --> 00:05:41,085
Yeah, it's kind of nuts that we
managed to do it individually.
133
00:05:41,086 --> 00:05:43,707
I mean, we're almost always together.
134
00:05:45,535 --> 00:05:47,948
Ilana, I'm really proud of you, dude.
135
00:05:47,949 --> 00:05:49,844
I mean, obviously,
for going back to school
136
00:05:49,845 --> 00:05:51,948
to become the most badass therapist
137
00:05:51,949 --> 00:05:53,534
New York City has ever seen,
138
00:05:53,535 --> 00:05:55,223
but also for the Phone Wigs!
139
00:05:55,224 --> 00:05:57,844
I mean, I really feel like
you have something there.
140
00:05:57,845 --> 00:05:59,706
Like, that has legs, you know?
141
00:05:59,707 --> 00:06:02,189
We have so many dope ideas.
142
00:06:02,190 --> 00:06:03,603
We have to make sure
143
00:06:03,604 --> 00:06:05,499
we keep up the brainstorming
sessions going.
144
00:06:05,500 --> 00:06:06,913
It's really important.
145
00:06:06,914 --> 00:06:11,189
I mean, I strongly, strongly believe in
146
00:06:11,190 --> 00:06:14,396
the joint gynecologist/
waxing/laser hair removal thing.
147
00:06:14,397 --> 00:06:16,672
- Oh, yeah.
- It's like a one-stop shop.
148
00:06:16,673 --> 00:06:18,327
Come on, that's genius.
149
00:06:18,328 --> 00:06:21,154
I mean, I still also believe in
the Dorito dust.
150
00:06:21,155 --> 00:06:23,258
I mean, I'm just eating the chip
for the dust.
151
00:06:23,259 --> 00:06:25,499
- Exactly.
- And it's like cut out the middleman
152
00:06:25,500 --> 00:06:27,568
and get me a vial straight of that dust
153
00:06:27,569 --> 00:06:29,430
for spicing or for swigging.
154
00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:34,051
I just found out, dude,
that Doritos are tortilla chips.
155
00:06:34,052 --> 00:06:36,361
- Wild.
- I mean, no one talks about that.
156
00:06:38,535 --> 00:06:41,120
Abbi, I've been thinking a lot
157
00:06:41,121 --> 00:06:42,913
about this whole end-of-the-world thing.
158
00:06:42,914 --> 00:06:44,258
If the apocalypse happens,
159
00:06:44,259 --> 00:06:46,258
we're not gonna be in the same city.
160
00:06:46,259 --> 00:06:49,017
Shit. If we're not in the same city,
161
00:06:49,018 --> 00:06:51,085
how are we supposed to find each other?
162
00:06:51,086 --> 00:06:52,948
Once the electricity goes down,
163
00:06:52,949 --> 00:06:55,430
all the banks are gonna be
hacked and drained.
164
00:06:55,431 --> 00:06:58,427
- That's exactly what is going to happen.
- Hey, look, a Wa-Unchi.
165
00:06:58,438 --> 00:07:00,844
You know what? First thing you
do when you get to Boulder,
166
00:07:00,845 --> 00:07:03,292
you go to the bank.
You take out a shit ton of cash.
167
00:07:03,293 --> 00:07:04,982
I'm talking half your savings, okay?
168
00:07:04,983 --> 00:07:07,637
You go back to your dorm.
You find a loose floorboard.
169
00:07:07,638 --> 00:07:10,189
You pry it open,
and you stuff the cash in there.
170
00:07:10,190 --> 00:07:12,499
You create a hidden nook.
Shit's gonna be nuts.
171
00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:15,017
Ooh, I love hidden nooks. I'm on it.
172
00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:17,499
I read this article... well, headline...
173
00:07:17,500 --> 00:07:20,349
that said that only four days
after it all goes dark,
174
00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:22,396
New Yorkers are gonna
start killing each other.
175
00:07:22,397 --> 00:07:25,154
We got to get out of the cities
and have cash on hand.
176
00:07:25,155 --> 00:07:26,637
Yeah. We're also gonna need
177
00:07:26,638 --> 00:07:28,637
those straws that allow you
to drink your own pee.
178
00:07:28,638 --> 00:07:30,120
We're gonna need to get that gel
179
00:07:30,121 --> 00:07:32,338
that marathoners use for,
like, energy and shit.
180
00:07:32,349 --> 00:07:34,120
Oh, we're also gonna need to
get those pants
181
00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:36,154
that zip and become shorts
so you have both.
182
00:07:36,155 --> 00:07:38,067
You're gonna have to stock up on
your contact lenses.
183
00:07:38,078 --> 00:07:39,430
But I really, really think
184
00:07:39,431 --> 00:07:41,637
you should consider doing Lasik,
for real.
185
00:07:41,638 --> 00:07:44,465
Good call. Good call. Okay, where
should we plan to meet up?
186
00:07:44,466 --> 00:07:46,154
All right. Why don't I pull up the map?
187
00:07:46,155 --> 00:07:47,843
Hold on.
188
00:07:48,431 --> 00:07:51,300
All right, well, it looks like St.
Louis is right in the middle.
189
00:07:51,311 --> 00:07:53,085
I mean, we could meet right in
the middle of the arch.
190
00:07:53,086 --> 00:07:54,672
This is so funny.
191
00:07:54,673 --> 00:07:57,189
Colorado is where I thought Montana was.
192
00:07:57,190 --> 00:08:00,017
You're gonna be actually where
I thought Oklahoma was.
193
00:08:00,018 --> 00:08:01,637
That's cool. Mormons are dope.
194
00:08:01,638 --> 00:08:04,465
Well, I think Utah is actually
the Mormon area.
195
00:08:04,466 --> 00:08:06,499
Oh, right, right, right.
196
00:08:06,500 --> 00:08:08,510
- Momo's still dope, though.
- Yeah.
197
00:08:08,521 --> 00:08:12,051
Abbi, promise me when you get to
Colorado, you're also gonna get a bike
198
00:08:12,052 --> 00:08:14,844
'cause that's why everybody's gonna
be killing each other for the gas.
199
00:08:14,845 --> 00:08:16,672
Bike's are the O.G. best friends
of people.
200
00:08:16,673 --> 00:08:18,292
Whew, okay, I'll get a bike.
201
00:08:18,293 --> 00:08:20,051
Hey, let's stop over here for a second.
202
00:08:20,052 --> 00:08:21,052
Okay.
203
00:08:27,811 --> 00:08:29,637
Should we write something?
204
00:08:29,638 --> 00:08:31,397
Yeah.
205
00:08:34,466 --> 00:08:36,983
Yeah.
206
00:08:42,155 --> 00:08:44,948
So, should we, uh... should we jump?
207
00:08:46,362 --> 00:08:48,189
Yeah.
208
00:08:48,190 --> 00:08:50,189
No, seriously, should we jump?
209
00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:55,051
We can't. We have our big
dinner date tonight.
210
00:08:55,052 --> 00:08:57,430
You said the reservations were,
like, really hard to get.
211
00:08:57,431 --> 00:08:59,190
- That's true.
- We got to go.
212
00:09:04,949 --> 00:09:08,775
Ilana, I'm... I'm really scared.
213
00:09:08,776 --> 00:09:10,603
I'm, like...
214
00:09:10,604 --> 00:09:12,879
I'm moving across the country
215
00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:16,603
and, like, changing my whole life?
216
00:09:16,604 --> 00:09:18,741
I mean, I'm...
I'm not gonna know anybody.
217
00:09:18,742 --> 00:09:21,465
I'm really scared of the change, too,
218
00:09:21,466 --> 00:09:24,568
but we're both gonna be better for it.
219
00:09:24,569 --> 00:09:26,948
You really think so?
220
00:09:26,949 --> 00:09:29,397
I know it. I know it.
221
00:09:32,811 --> 00:09:34,982
You know, Ilana, me and you...
222
00:09:34,983 --> 00:09:38,189
we're still gonna be us, no matter what.
223
00:09:38,190 --> 00:09:40,292
That's never gonna change.
224
00:09:40,293 --> 00:09:41,706
Even if we're in different cities,
225
00:09:41,707 --> 00:09:43,603
that's never gonna change.
226
00:09:43,604 --> 00:09:46,430
I know.
227
00:09:46,431 --> 00:09:49,913
But it is gonna change.
228
00:09:49,914 --> 00:09:56,258
But this is still gonna be
the most beautiful,
229
00:09:56,259 --> 00:10:00,603
deep, real,
230
00:10:00,604 --> 00:10:04,396
cool and hot, meaningful,
231
00:10:04,397 --> 00:10:06,430
important relationship of my life.
232
00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:09,017
Me, too.
233
00:10:09,018 --> 00:10:10,879
I've never felt so cool.
234
00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:13,223
I've never felt so cool.
235
00:10:13,224 --> 00:10:15,844
Really... not... not as cool as
when I'm with you.
236
00:10:15,845 --> 00:10:17,948
Me, neither.
237
00:10:17,949 --> 00:10:21,637
Abbi?
238
00:10:21,638 --> 00:10:23,913
I don't think I can go to
this dinner tonight.
239
00:10:23,914 --> 00:10:27,913
I just... I can't say goodbye
again, you know?
240
00:10:27,914 --> 00:10:30,223
This is... This is too perfect.
241
00:10:30,224 --> 00:10:31,794
Wait, Ilana, no.
242
00:10:31,805 --> 00:10:34,534
We were gonna splurge and get,
like, the whole bottle of wine.
243
00:10:34,535 --> 00:10:36,741
I know, but...
244
00:10:36,742 --> 00:10:39,085
I can't do it. I'm really sorry.
245
00:10:39,086 --> 00:10:41,810
You know what? You take the Wa-Unchi.
246
00:10:41,811 --> 00:10:44,706
You'll be the envy of your whole dorm.
247
00:10:44,707 --> 00:10:46,017
It's not a dorm.
248
00:10:46,018 --> 00:10:47,018
Goodbye.
249
00:10:47,019 --> 00:10:49,396
Wait.
250
00:10:52,477 --> 00:10:54,891
Meet you in St. Louis!
251
00:11:11,259 --> 00:11:12,949
What the fuck?
252
00:11:14,684 --> 00:11:17,856
Hey, Bevers!
253
00:11:17,857 --> 00:11:19,890
I got us food!
254
00:11:49,374 --> 00:11:50,718
Hey!
255
00:11:50,719 --> 00:11:52,235
Abbi, thank God you picked up.
256
00:11:52,236 --> 00:11:53,649
I fell asleep.
257
00:11:53,650 --> 00:11:55,580
I was sunbathing nude on the roof again.
258
00:11:55,581 --> 00:11:58,235
You... you were?
259
00:11:58,236 --> 00:12:00,476
Yeah, anyway, the door locked behind me.
260
00:12:00,477 --> 00:12:02,407
Can you come up and bring my kimono?
261
00:12:02,408 --> 00:12:04,718
I'm extremely sunburned.
262
00:12:04,719 --> 00:12:06,407
Everywhere.
263
00:12:06,408 --> 00:12:09,304
All right, Bevers, uh, you know,
cover yourself up.
264
00:12:09,305 --> 00:12:11,028
I don't want to see
your sunburned penis.
265
00:12:11,029 --> 00:12:12,925
Open your eyes.
266
00:12:12,926 --> 00:12:14,235
No.
267
00:12:14,236 --> 00:12:16,614
It's kosher, dude. Open 'em up.
268
00:12:16,615 --> 00:12:19,442
Surprise!
269
00:12:19,443 --> 00:12:20,856
What?!
270
00:12:20,857 --> 00:12:22,545
Wait. What, Ilana?
271
00:12:22,546 --> 00:12:25,097
Oh, my God.
272
00:12:25,098 --> 00:12:29,580
Come on. My girl got to have
a proper, royal queen send-off.
273
00:12:31,029 --> 00:12:32,787
And sorry about the bridge before.
274
00:12:32,788 --> 00:12:35,476
I was very much processing this
all at once.
275
00:12:35,477 --> 00:12:37,649
But then also, I had to leave to
set this up, so...
276
00:12:37,650 --> 00:12:41,373
Well, this is the cutest thing
I have ever seen,
277
00:12:41,374 --> 00:12:43,235
but I have to change.
278
00:12:43,236 --> 00:12:44,752
Yeah, of course. Of course.
279
00:12:44,753 --> 00:12:47,028
Guys, Abbi and I are gonna
go downstairs!
280
00:12:47,029 --> 00:12:49,131
All right!
281
00:12:53,719 --> 00:12:55,511
Abbi and I are back, you guys!
282
00:12:55,512 --> 00:12:57,269
Hey!
283
00:12:57,270 --> 00:12:59,476
My God. Trey!
284
00:12:59,477 --> 00:13:02,200
Batter up! Trey!
285
00:13:02,201 --> 00:13:03,338
Geez.
286
00:13:03,339 --> 00:13:04,856
- Hi.
- It's so good to see you.
287
00:13:04,857 --> 00:13:07,263
- Yeah. I'm really happy to see you.
- Oh.
288
00:13:07,274 --> 00:13:10,511
Oh, I got you something.
289
00:13:10,512 --> 00:13:12,097
They're free weights.
290
00:13:12,098 --> 00:13:14,062
What? Thank you so much.
291
00:13:14,063 --> 00:13:16,338
I'll... I'll try to
put it on my carry-on.
292
00:13:16,339 --> 00:13:17,959
- Cool, yeah.
- All right.
293
00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:19,959
- Ooh, you all right?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got...
294
00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:22,269
Okay. I've always said, Abbi
and incremental free weights,
295
00:13:22,270 --> 00:13:24,442
- match made in heaven.
- Yeah.
296
00:13:24,443 --> 00:13:26,097
You're really special to me, Abbi.
297
00:13:26,098 --> 00:13:28,959
You're really special to me, too.
298
00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:31,718
Well, then, I guess it's now or never.
299
00:13:31,719 --> 00:13:36,925
Abbi Gary Anna Abrams,
will you marry me?
300
00:13:36,926 --> 00:13:40,476
Um... oh, Trey.
301
00:13:40,477 --> 00:13:42,200
Two carats.
302
00:13:42,201 --> 00:13:43,856
No. Right?
303
00:13:43,857 --> 00:13:46,442
Right, yeah, no.
304
00:13:46,443 --> 00:13:47,856
Yeah, no.
305
00:13:47,857 --> 00:13:49,269
- You know.
- You know what?
306
00:13:49,270 --> 00:13:51,028
- It was a big swing.
- No, no, no.
307
00:13:51,029 --> 00:13:53,511
I just figured, this is
my last chance, you know, so...
308
00:13:53,512 --> 00:13:55,097
It's cool.
309
00:13:55,098 --> 00:13:57,373
Maria... Cut the video, okay? Delete it.
310
00:13:57,374 --> 00:13:59,511
She said no.
311
00:13:59,512 --> 00:14:01,683
Okay, well, I should probably go
312
00:14:01,684 --> 00:14:03,338
'cause you said no to my proposal,
313
00:14:03,339 --> 00:14:06,580
but promise me you'll eat
for your blood type, okay?
314
00:14:06,581 --> 00:14:07,683
- Okay.
- Yeah.
315
00:14:07,684 --> 00:14:09,043
Done. Here you go.
316
00:14:09,054 --> 00:14:10,442
- All right.
- Oh, you want that?
317
00:14:10,443 --> 00:14:12,905
Thank you so much. All right, beefcake.
You've had enough time
318
00:14:12,916 --> 00:14:14,722
to show off your rock-hard tits
and your Adonis ass.
319
00:14:14,733 --> 00:14:16,614
It's time to leave and exit, dawg.
320
00:14:16,615 --> 00:14:17,856
Okay, I was just saying goodbye.
321
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:19,269
And I took off work for this.
322
00:14:19,270 --> 00:14:21,166
You did? That sucks.
You know what else sucks?
323
00:14:21,167 --> 00:14:22,614
When your best friend moves away,
324
00:14:22,615 --> 00:14:24,279
and everybody's out for
face time for her.
325
00:14:24,290 --> 00:14:26,235
Get out of here!
But maybe we'll be friends.
326
00:14:26,236 --> 00:14:28,476
I don't have any left.
327
00:14:32,684 --> 00:14:35,442
- Hey!
- Ohh.
328
00:14:38,753 --> 00:14:40,407
I'm sorry.
329
00:14:40,408 --> 00:14:41,718
I'm gonna miss you.
330
00:14:41,719 --> 00:14:43,166
I'm gonna miss you, too, Linc.
331
00:14:43,167 --> 00:14:45,028
How's Ilana doing?
I haven't talked to her yet.
332
00:14:45,029 --> 00:14:48,821
Um, yeah. Ilana is, uh...
333
00:14:48,822 --> 00:14:50,545
Aww.
334
00:14:50,546 --> 00:14:52,407
You know what? Ilana's gonna be great.
335
00:14:52,408 --> 00:14:53,614
Yeah, I'ma check it.
336
00:14:53,615 --> 00:14:54,855
Okay. All right.
337
00:14:54,866 --> 00:14:56,131
- See you later.
- I'll catch you.
338
00:14:56,132 --> 00:14:57,407
Enough. Get out of here.
339
00:14:57,408 --> 00:14:59,442
Go, go!
340
00:14:59,443 --> 00:15:01,269
Are you Abbi's friend?
341
00:15:01,270 --> 00:15:02,959
Hey.
342
00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:04,618
Hi.
343
00:15:04,629 --> 00:15:05,835
Thank you for inviting me.
344
00:15:05,846 --> 00:15:07,191
Yeah, you're welcome.
345
00:15:07,202 --> 00:15:09,881
- You're Abbi's friend, too, you know?
- Yeah.
346
00:15:09,892 --> 00:15:12,338
We're no longer dating, right?
347
00:15:12,339 --> 00:15:14,442
And, uh, we're gonna keep growing
348
00:15:14,443 --> 00:15:17,442
our real, yet platonic friendship.
349
00:15:17,443 --> 00:15:20,649
- And that means honesty.
- Yeah.
350
00:15:20,650 --> 00:15:25,028
So, um, I'm gonna be honest with you.
351
00:15:25,029 --> 00:15:27,062
You got to get the fuck out of here.
352
00:15:27,063 --> 00:15:28,476
- What?
- Yeah, it's time to go.
353
00:15:28,477 --> 00:15:30,291
- Yeah.
- I heard about grad school.
354
00:15:30,302 --> 00:15:32,062
Jaimé told me.
I wanted to congratulate you.
355
00:15:32,063 --> 00:15:33,649
Yeah, you're a good guy. We all know it.
356
00:15:33,650 --> 00:15:35,131
- You're gonna be a great...
- Go, go!
357
00:15:35,132 --> 00:15:37,614
Whoo-hoo! Party's over, bitch.
358
00:15:37,615 --> 00:15:40,131
You know, I know it's scary,
you know, moving away.
359
00:15:40,132 --> 00:15:41,580
But it's good to remind ourselves
360
00:15:41,581 --> 00:15:43,580
that there's other places
besides New York City.
361
00:15:43,581 --> 00:15:45,614
Beautiful places.
362
00:15:45,615 --> 00:15:47,649
And New Jersey.
363
00:15:47,650 --> 00:15:49,062
It's gonna be great.
364
00:15:49,063 --> 00:15:50,407
- Yeah.
- 'Sup?
365
00:15:50,408 --> 00:15:51,408
- Okay!
- Jesus!
366
00:15:51,409 --> 00:15:52,614
- Well...
- Hi.
367
00:15:52,615 --> 00:15:53,994
Hi.
368
00:15:53,995 --> 00:15:55,511
So, Ilana, who are all these people?
369
00:15:55,512 --> 00:15:58,787
They're people from your building. I
just needed to fill the party out.
370
00:16:00,132 --> 00:16:03,304
Can't wait for brunch next weekend.
Jersey City is pretty damn lit.
371
00:16:03,305 --> 00:16:05,649
Mm-hmm. Yes, it is.
372
00:16:05,650 --> 00:16:07,082
Go now, though.
373
00:16:07,093 --> 00:16:09,166
- What?
- Like, to...
374
00:16:09,167 --> 00:16:10,890
To leave. To exit and leave.
375
00:16:10,891 --> 00:16:13,235
- Good to see ya, Jersey Boy. Love ya!
- I'm sorry.
376
00:16:16,512 --> 00:16:18,890
Hi, guys. Thank you so much for coming.
377
00:16:18,891 --> 00:16:20,821
You can leave. Come on, go.
378
00:16:20,822 --> 00:16:23,373
Okay. So the exit is that way.
379
00:16:23,374 --> 00:16:24,442
Get out of here!
380
00:16:24,443 --> 00:16:25,649
Bye!
381
00:16:25,650 --> 00:16:28,166
Yeah. Yeah.
382
00:16:33,753 --> 00:16:35,959
Okay, I'm almost here. I'm almost here.
383
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,028
Now we can connect.
384
00:16:38,029 --> 00:16:40,476
Right.
385
00:16:40,477 --> 00:16:44,511
Well, I'm gonna stay
at my own place tonight.
386
00:16:44,512 --> 00:16:47,616
Gonna give you two broads some privacy.
387
00:16:47,627 --> 00:16:49,821
And I have a present for you.
388
00:16:49,822 --> 00:16:51,373
You didn't have to get me anything.
389
00:16:51,374 --> 00:16:54,028
Oh, well, it's just...
390
00:16:54,029 --> 00:16:57,476
So you can store your cheese in here.
391
00:16:57,477 --> 00:17:00,442
Everyone will know whose cheese it is,
392
00:17:00,443 --> 00:17:03,373
and they won't be able to
take it from you anymore.
393
00:17:03,374 --> 00:17:05,200
Thank you, Bevers.
394
00:17:08,768 --> 00:17:10,526
Yeah.
395
00:17:11,063 --> 00:17:12,959
I... I love it.
396
00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:14,373
It's perfect.
397
00:17:14,374 --> 00:17:15,890
And we'll see each other again.
398
00:17:16,961 --> 00:17:17,961
Yeah.
399
00:17:17,972 --> 00:17:19,317
All right.
400
00:17:19,328 --> 00:17:21,259
Brunch at Felix tomorrow at 2:00.
401
00:17:21,270 --> 00:17:24,730
And then a movie. My choice.
Clear your schedule, bitch.
402
00:17:33,038 --> 00:17:34,694
Thanks for the party.
403
00:17:35,383 --> 00:17:37,601
My pleasure.
404
00:17:38,538 --> 00:17:39,890
Ready?
405
00:17:39,891 --> 00:17:41,649
Disney. Go.
406
00:17:41,650 --> 00:17:44,131
Euro-loving Aryan Nation pre-teen porn.
407
00:17:44,132 --> 00:17:46,580
Walt Disney was, like, um,
jizzing, basically,
408
00:17:46,581 --> 00:17:48,476
for rich Euros and feudal lords,
409
00:17:48,477 --> 00:17:51,752
and Mickey Mouse was supposed to
represent a dirty little Jew.
410
00:17:51,753 --> 00:17:53,442
Straight up.
411
00:17:53,443 --> 00:17:55,338
He was, like, on the ship,
you know what I mean?
412
00:17:55,339 --> 00:17:57,872
Like... He was, like, a plotting
and scheming dirty little Jew,
413
00:17:57,883 --> 00:18:00,959
which I love to plot and scheme,
so I'm, like, you got me, Walt.
414
00:18:03,857 --> 00:18:05,925
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
415
00:18:05,926 --> 00:18:07,269
Who do I want? Who do I want?
416
00:18:07,270 --> 00:18:08,649
I... I know.
417
00:18:08,650 --> 00:18:10,787
Ready? From inside the mouth.
418
00:18:10,788 --> 00:18:14,097
Ohh, the Kennedys.
419
00:18:14,098 --> 00:18:15,787
Ooh, thank you. The Kennedys.
420
00:18:15,788 --> 00:18:17,505
Obviously, first of all, sex addicts.
421
00:18:17,516 --> 00:18:19,392
Second of all, they killed
Marilyn Monroe.
422
00:18:19,403 --> 00:18:22,511
Wait, hold on. I thought Marilyn
Monroe died of a drug overdose.
423
00:18:24,367 --> 00:18:26,545
The government killed her
because she knew too much.
424
00:18:26,546 --> 00:18:28,718
Like, she just knew stuff about...
425
00:18:28,719 --> 00:18:31,925
Yeah, she knew about their bodies.
She knew about their policies.
426
00:18:31,926 --> 00:18:33,304
Like, where did you hear that?
427
00:18:33,305 --> 00:18:36,491
I will double check, but, um...
428
00:18:37,015 --> 00:18:38,649
It's widely known.
429
00:18:38,650 --> 00:18:40,028
It's widely known.
430
00:18:40,029 --> 00:18:41,555
All right.
431
00:18:41,566 --> 00:18:44,237
Well, these are gonna come in
handy for when I'm lonely.
432
00:18:44,995 --> 00:18:46,822
Okay, another one.
433
00:18:49,201 --> 00:18:50,269
What's up?
434
00:18:50,270 --> 00:18:52,236
- The post office.
- Oof.
435
00:18:52,247 --> 00:18:55,501
Okay, so the way that the post
office controls women is...
436
00:19:55,973 --> 00:19:59,145
Abbi? Abbi, Abbi, are you insane?
437
00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:00,708
You... you weren't gonna wake me up?
438
00:20:00,719 --> 00:20:03,511
Are you psychotic? You were gonna
leave without saying goodbye?
439
00:20:03,512 --> 00:20:04,994
I'm sorry, dude.
440
00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:07,925
We said goodbye a million times. I-I
didn't know how to do this one.
441
00:20:07,926 --> 00:20:09,545
Yeah, but I got you something.
442
00:20:09,546 --> 00:20:11,683
It's a go bag.
443
00:20:11,684 --> 00:20:14,442
The apocalypse will happen,
444
00:20:14,443 --> 00:20:16,890
and I will meet you in St. Louis.
445
00:20:16,891 --> 00:20:18,581
Right, okay.
446
00:20:28,742 --> 00:20:30,302
I'm so proud of you.
447
00:20:30,891 --> 00:20:32,856
I'm so proud of you, too, dude.
448
00:20:32,857 --> 00:20:34,166
Really, you are, like...
449
00:20:34,167 --> 00:20:36,752
You're the smartest person I know.
450
00:20:36,753 --> 00:20:38,235
Really.
451
00:20:38,236 --> 00:20:39,511
Yeah, are you kidding me?
452
00:20:39,512 --> 00:20:41,718
I'm, like, the only person you know.
453
00:20:43,167 --> 00:20:44,959
For real, though, Ilana. You, like...
454
00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:47,338
You're gonna kill it. I'm so excited.
455
00:20:47,339 --> 00:20:50,062
For everything for you.
456
00:20:50,063 --> 00:20:51,890
You've got so much.
457
00:20:51,891 --> 00:20:54,959
So much inside of you.
458
00:20:56,719 --> 00:20:58,821
You have so much to give.
459
00:20:58,822 --> 00:21:02,062
So much all wrapped up.
460
00:21:02,063 --> 00:21:04,511
And you're just letting it unroll.
461
00:21:04,512 --> 00:21:06,925
I mean, I don't even feel like
462
00:21:06,926 --> 00:21:08,649
I was, like, alive before I met you.
463
00:21:08,650 --> 00:21:10,269
You, like, taught me...
464
00:21:10,270 --> 00:21:11,821
Taught me how to do it, dude.
465
00:21:13,339 --> 00:21:15,925
Well, you're alive as hell now.
466
00:21:15,926 --> 00:21:19,097
This is really brave,
and it's the right thing.
467
00:21:19,098 --> 00:21:21,338
I wouldn't have been able
to do it without you.
468
00:21:22,995 --> 00:21:24,509
Come on, you dumb broads!
469
00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:26,683
I'm saying goodbye to my
best friend, you fucking fuck.
470
00:21:26,684 --> 00:21:28,407
This is a once-in-a-lifetime,
emotional moment
471
00:21:28,408 --> 00:21:30,028
with my soul sister, you rank rat whore!
472
00:21:30,039 --> 00:21:31,384
See if I tip you!
473
00:21:32,604 --> 00:21:34,604
You're just so beautiful
from the inside out.
474
00:21:34,615 --> 00:21:37,235
No, dude, you are, really.
475
00:21:37,236 --> 00:21:38,649
Okay. Go.
476
00:21:38,650 --> 00:21:40,235
- Go, go, go, go, go.
- Okay.
477
00:21:40,236 --> 00:21:43,270
You got this. You got this.
478
00:21:45,891 --> 00:21:47,614
Okay.
479
00:21:47,615 --> 00:21:49,718
- Okay.
- Bye.
480
00:21:59,719 --> 00:22:01,338
Okay.
481
00:22:01,339 --> 00:22:03,132
I love you.
482
00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:16,545
No!
483
00:22:16,546 --> 00:22:20,821
Jesus, come on!
484
00:22:20,822 --> 00:22:22,858
Fuck!
485
00:22:24,342 --> 00:22:26,733
_
486
00:22:30,664 --> 00:22:32,007
Wow.
487
00:22:33,664 --> 00:22:35,594
Oh, my God.
488
00:22:35,595 --> 00:22:37,904
Yes!
489
00:22:37,905 --> 00:22:40,766
Freaking jackpot.
490
00:22:42,077 --> 00:22:43,214
Ew.
491
00:22:54,181 --> 00:22:55,318
Eww, dude!
492
00:22:55,319 --> 00:22:56,732
Insane.
493
00:22:56,733 --> 00:22:58,869
Walking it? Disgusting.
494
00:22:58,870 --> 00:23:00,766
Well, thank you
for keeping me up to date
495
00:23:00,767 --> 00:23:02,594
on all of New York's
most current events.
496
00:23:02,595 --> 00:23:03,938
Yeah.
497
00:23:03,939 --> 00:23:05,283
How have you been?
498
00:23:05,284 --> 00:23:08,145
Well, since last night, I went to sleep,
499
00:23:08,146 --> 00:23:10,732
and then I woke up, and then
I went to the coffee shop.
500
00:23:10,733 --> 00:23:13,283
- My coffee shop.
- Cute, cute.
501
00:23:13,284 --> 00:23:15,594
I also went to sleep and woke up,
502
00:23:15,595 --> 00:23:17,215
so we are on the same schedule.
503
00:23:17,226 --> 00:23:18,767
Ew, you know what happened to me today?
504
00:23:18,778 --> 00:23:20,525
I bumped into this girl,
and I was, like, "Sorry."
505
00:23:20,526 --> 00:23:22,421
And she was, like, "You're fine."
506
00:23:22,422 --> 00:23:23,835
Ew. "You're fine"?
507
00:23:23,836 --> 00:23:25,318
- Fuck her.
- Right?
508
00:23:25,319 --> 00:23:27,421
I'm, like, I know I'm fine, at least.
509
00:23:27,422 --> 00:23:28,835
Just say, "It's okay."
510
00:23:28,836 --> 00:23:30,618
I mean, that's not even
part of my vocabulary.
511
00:23:30,629 --> 00:23:32,938
You have to be, like, trained
for that to be a response.
512
00:23:32,939 --> 00:23:35,199
That's right. Don't tell me
my value 'cause you know what?
513
00:23:35,210 --> 00:23:36,938
I'm actually foiiine.
514
00:23:36,939 --> 00:23:38,938
- Oh, you foiiine, baby.
- You, too.
515
00:23:38,939 --> 00:23:40,352
All right, listen. I got to go.
516
00:23:40,353 --> 00:23:42,283
Uh, I'll call you when
I leave the studio, okay?
517
00:23:42,284 --> 00:23:43,766
Ooh, the studio? Okay.
518
00:23:43,767 --> 00:23:44,835
Love you, baby.
519
00:23:44,836 --> 00:23:47,181
All right. Love you, too.
520
00:24:05,181 --> 00:24:08,559
Dude, I am so excited to fucking
deejay this bat mitzvah tonight.
521
00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:11,318
Rich children, like,
legit know how to party.
522
00:24:11,319 --> 00:24:13,766
But honestly, like, what is deejaying?
523
00:24:13,767 --> 00:24:15,318
I think it's just a playlist, right?
524
00:24:15,319 --> 00:24:16,525
Yeah, but, like, with a table.
525
00:24:16,526 --> 00:24:17,697
You dropped these.
526
00:24:17,698 --> 00:24:19,732
Oh, my God. Thanks.
527
00:24:19,733 --> 00:24:22,214
Okay, so who were those guys
528
00:24:22,215 --> 00:24:24,490
we ended up playing pool with
on the roof last night?
529
00:24:24,491 --> 00:24:26,478
I don't know. I think one of
them played for the Knicks.
530
00:24:33,215 --> 00:24:36,180
Wow. Did you just make change
with a homeless guy?
531
00:24:36,181 --> 00:24:38,318
First of all, it's a man without a home.
532
00:24:38,319 --> 00:24:40,973
Second, we gonna act like he
ain't got no small bills?
533
00:24:42,585 --> 00:24:45,032
- Synced and corrected by Shazi89 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
534
00:24:59,523 --> 00:25:02,749
The information inside
your brain is just vast.
535
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:04,863
Vast and then also, there's nothing.
536
00:25:04,864 --> 00:25:06,449
Yeah, but good nothing.
537
00:25:06,450 --> 00:25:08,690
You're, like, just smart,
you know what I mean?
538
00:25:08,691 --> 00:25:10,966
- Am I, though?
- Yes, you're so smart.
539
00:25:10,967 --> 00:25:12,311
- Thank you.
- I wouldn't say at, like,
540
00:25:12,312 --> 00:25:13,449
you know, reading and writing, but...
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