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1
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♪ Your face ♪
2
00:00:09,388 --> 00:00:13,356
♪ Is like a song ♪
3
00:00:13,392 --> 00:00:15,425
♪ Your sweet eyes whisper ♪
4
00:00:15,461 --> 00:00:18,395
♪ And I want to sing along ♪
5
00:00:18,430 --> 00:00:20,964
♪ Your features ♪
6
00:00:20,999 --> 00:00:25,035
♪ Are in tune ♪
7
00:00:25,070 --> 00:00:26,636
♪ Let's sing together ♪
8
00:00:26,672 --> 00:00:29,773
♪ And turn every month to June ♪
9
00:00:29,808 --> 00:00:33,243
♪ Your face hums ♪
10
00:00:33,278 --> 00:00:35,946
♪ Makes me a happy fella ♪
11
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♪ No more ♪
12
00:00:38,951 --> 00:00:41,718
♪ Singin' a capella ♪
13
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♪ No ♪
14
00:00:43,989 --> 00:00:47,157
♪ Longer lonely ♪
15
00:00:49,194 --> 00:00:51,928
♪ Lovin' you only ♪
16
00:00:55,434 --> 00:00:58,001
♪ Your lips ♪
17
00:00:58,036 --> 00:01:01,905
♪ With mine will rhyme ♪
18
00:01:01,940 --> 00:01:03,907
♪ And when they touch me ♪
19
00:01:03,942 --> 00:01:06,943
♪ It's a symphony divine ♪
20
00:01:06,979 --> 00:01:09,246
♪ Your cheeks ♪
21
00:01:09,281 --> 00:01:13,416
♪ Your ears, your hair ♪
22
00:01:13,452 --> 00:01:15,352
♪ Weave me a melody ♪
23
00:01:15,387 --> 00:01:18,622
♪ A melody so rare ♪
24
00:01:18,657 --> 00:01:22,092
♪ Your face hums ♪
25
00:01:22,127 --> 00:01:24,528
♪ Makes me a happy fella ♪
26
00:01:24,563 --> 00:01:27,697
♪ No more ♪
27
00:01:27,733 --> 00:01:30,433
♪ Singin' a capella ♪
28
00:01:30,469 --> 00:01:32,435
♪ No ♪
29
00:01:32,471 --> 00:01:35,872
♪ Longer lonely ♪
30
00:01:37,743 --> 00:01:42,145
♪ Lovin' you only ♪
31
00:01:58,363 --> 00:02:00,297
Okay, movie's over.
32
00:02:00,332 --> 00:02:02,399
The superheroes are friends
again. Let's get out of here.
33
00:02:02,434 --> 00:02:04,968
We can't leave before the
post-credits sequence.
34
00:02:05,003 --> 00:02:08,905
Why does Jeremy Renner
need two assistants?
35
00:02:08,941 --> 00:02:11,308
Shh. Here comes the sequence.
36
00:02:11,343 --> 00:02:14,211
The Avengers were too
strong for us, my Lord.
37
00:02:17,549 --> 00:02:20,517
What? Who's that?
38
00:02:20,552 --> 00:02:22,485
That's Spider-Man's Uncle Ben.
39
00:02:22,521 --> 00:02:25,188
He was alive the whole time.
40
00:02:25,224 --> 00:02:26,656
And evil.
41
00:02:26,692 --> 00:02:30,560
With great power, comes
no responsibility.
42
00:02:33,599 --> 00:02:34,931
Finally.
43
00:02:34,967 --> 00:02:36,666
What? You saw it.
44
00:02:36,702 --> 00:02:39,903
That was a mid-credit scene.
There's more.
45
00:02:42,407 --> 00:02:43,773
Who the hell are you?
46
00:02:43,809 --> 00:02:45,442
I'm assembling a team of the best
47
00:02:45,477 --> 00:02:47,110
team assemblers in the world.
48
00:02:47,145 --> 00:02:51,281
And I want you to help me
put together that team.
49
00:02:51,316 --> 00:02:53,817
Assemblers assemble!
50
00:02:58,490 --> 00:03:02,125
Time. To. Go.
51
00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:03,894
But there's two more credit sequences.
52
00:03:03,929 --> 00:03:06,096
When I was a kid, movies
ended when they ended.
53
00:03:06,131 --> 00:03:07,931
The only reason you
stayed for the credits
54
00:03:07,966 --> 00:03:09,866
was to see who sang "The Power of Love."
55
00:03:09,902 --> 00:03:11,935
And it was usually Huey Lewis.
56
00:03:11,970 --> 00:03:14,137
I liked the first post-credit
sequence the best.
57
00:03:14,172 --> 00:03:15,805
I liked the fifth.
58
00:03:15,841 --> 00:03:17,407
Pipe down. I'm trying to listen
59
00:03:17,442 --> 00:03:19,409
to preseason minor league baseball.
60
00:03:19,444 --> 00:03:20,977
And with the last
61
00:03:21,013 --> 00:03:22,479
of the Isotopes pitchers
62
00:03:22,514 --> 00:03:25,415
receiving Tommy John
surgery on the mound,
63
00:03:25,450 --> 00:03:27,584
that's the ball game.
Good night, everybody.
64
00:03:29,755 --> 00:03:32,188
Stupid baseball traffic.
65
00:03:32,224 --> 00:03:34,190
I'm taking a shortcut home.
66
00:03:37,229 --> 00:03:41,097
Kids, look. We used to live
here before we were married.
67
00:03:41,133 --> 00:03:43,300
It's the old Beef Rendering District.
68
00:03:43,335 --> 00:03:45,835
Ah, yes, Tallow-town.
69
00:03:45,871 --> 00:03:47,370
At the end of every factory tour,
70
00:03:47,406 --> 00:03:49,539
they gave you a free glass of blood.
71
00:03:49,574 --> 00:03:52,008
Huh, it's really gentrified.
72
00:03:52,044 --> 00:03:54,778
Oh, a store where you grind and flavor
73
00:03:54,813 --> 00:03:57,013
your own house made toothpaste.
74
00:03:59,251 --> 00:04:01,651
Ooh. Mmm. Terrible.
75
00:04:01,687 --> 00:04:04,120
There's our old building. Look.
76
00:04:06,058 --> 00:04:08,758
Our fifth floor walk-up apartment.
77
00:04:08,794 --> 00:04:12,862
Dad, you walked up
five floors every day?
78
00:04:12,898 --> 00:04:14,597
No. I took the elevator
79
00:04:14,633 --> 00:04:16,232
to the top of the building next door,
80
00:04:16,268 --> 00:04:18,501
then crawled across a plank to our roof.
81
00:04:18,537 --> 00:04:21,204
Hey! I pioneered that trail!
82
00:04:21,239 --> 00:04:23,373
Yeah, great. Thank you, Kit Carson.
83
00:04:23,408 --> 00:04:25,976
Kids, you want to check
out our old apartment?
84
00:04:26,011 --> 00:04:27,744
Huh? Huh?
85
00:04:27,779 --> 00:04:30,914
I can tell from your tone
that we're going either way.
86
00:04:30,949 --> 00:04:32,849
I have one tone.
87
00:04:35,253 --> 00:04:38,254
Hi. You don't know me,
but I'm Marge Simpson.
88
00:04:38,290 --> 00:04:40,557
Oh, yeah, I recognize that name.
89
00:04:40,592 --> 00:04:42,459
In fact, we still get mail for you.
90
00:04:42,527 --> 00:04:43,793
Mm.
91
00:04:43,829 --> 00:04:45,028
Ooh.
92
00:04:46,732 --> 00:04:48,264
Aw.
93
00:04:48,300 --> 00:04:49,566
Oh, thank God.
94
00:04:49,601 --> 00:04:52,869
A list of 101 new choking hazards.
95
00:04:52,904 --> 00:04:55,705
Pacifiers?
96
00:05:00,112 --> 00:05:02,178
No! No.
97
00:05:02,214 --> 00:05:04,214
Maggie!
98
00:05:04,249 --> 00:05:05,715
Oh, here.
99
00:05:05,751 --> 00:05:06,916
So can I get you anything?
100
00:05:06,952 --> 00:05:08,251
Weed? Edibles?
101
00:05:08,286 --> 00:05:09,819
Pudding with a joint in the center?
102
00:05:09,855 --> 00:05:11,254
But we need you out by 7:00.
103
00:05:11,289 --> 00:05:13,089
We Airbnb this place every night
104
00:05:13,125 --> 00:05:15,025
while we stay at a cheaper Airbnb.
105
00:05:15,060 --> 00:05:17,260
Mmm. Disruptive.
106
00:05:17,295 --> 00:05:21,398
Before Homer and I got married,
we had amazing times here.
107
00:05:21,433 --> 00:05:23,099
Yeah, right.
108
00:05:23,135 --> 00:05:25,435
Like you could possibly
ever have fun without us.
109
00:05:25,470 --> 00:05:27,270
It was a wonderful time.
110
00:05:27,305 --> 00:05:29,873
- We were living the DINK life.
- Dink?
111
00:05:29,908 --> 00:05:33,309
- DINK: Dual income, no kids.
- Oh, DINK.
112
00:05:33,345 --> 00:05:35,612
How come you can say dink when
you're talking about your jobs,
113
00:05:35,647 --> 00:05:38,882
but I can't say dink when
I'm talking about my dingus.
114
00:05:38,917 --> 00:05:41,217
Before we had you, life was a breeze.
115
00:05:41,253 --> 00:05:43,053
We'd go to amusement parks without going
116
00:05:43,088 --> 00:05:44,888
on those stupid baby rides.
117
00:05:44,923 --> 00:05:47,223
Squeezing my butt into a little biplane
118
00:05:47,292 --> 00:05:49,225
that only goes four feet off the ground.
119
00:05:49,261 --> 00:05:52,662
Actually, Dad, it's supposed
to go 12 feet off the ground.
120
00:05:52,697 --> 00:05:55,231
- D'oh!
- It was a great life.
121
00:05:55,267 --> 00:05:56,900
We were swimming in DINKs.
122
00:05:58,637 --> 00:06:01,905
See? That was the key to
their happiness... no kids.
123
00:06:01,940 --> 00:06:03,640
We've been talking about
starting a family,
124
00:06:03,675 --> 00:06:05,408
but we're just not sure we're ready.
125
00:06:05,444 --> 00:06:07,977
We can't even agree on
what to name our ferret.
126
00:06:08,013 --> 00:06:09,679
Yeah, we both like Caitlin,
127
00:06:09,714 --> 00:06:12,248
but we just, we can't
agree on the spelling.
128
00:06:14,386 --> 00:06:16,920
Well, we used to be just like you.
129
00:06:16,955 --> 00:06:20,156
Childless and partying every night.
130
00:06:29,134 --> 00:06:33,369
Hey, check out who crashed
the party, Kent Brockman.
131
00:06:33,405 --> 00:06:37,874
Ooh, he does the animal adoption
segment on Thursday mornings.
132
00:06:37,909 --> 00:06:39,943
Eh? Eh?
133
00:06:39,978 --> 00:06:41,478
Yes, the biggest problem with winning
134
00:06:41,513 --> 00:06:43,313
a local Humane Society Golden Pig Ear
135
00:06:43,348 --> 00:06:45,815
is just staying humble.
136
00:06:45,851 --> 00:06:47,951
This celebrity sighting will be the lede
137
00:06:47,986 --> 00:06:50,954
for my gossip column, "Marge Madness."
138
00:06:50,989 --> 00:06:53,690
- Hmm.
- Ow. What are you doing?
139
00:06:53,725 --> 00:06:55,558
There isn't even a dartboard.
140
00:06:55,594 --> 00:06:56,860
You're Marge Bouvier?
141
00:06:56,895 --> 00:06:58,495
Oh, I read your listings every week...
142
00:06:58,530 --> 00:07:01,197
correct dates, very few
typos, professional stuff.
143
00:07:01,233 --> 00:07:02,532
- Mm.
- Just steer clear
144
00:07:02,567 --> 00:07:05,068
of pet shelters and fun
runs, those are my beat.
145
00:07:05,103 --> 00:07:07,537
Mr. Brockman, you're hurting my arm.
146
00:07:07,572 --> 00:07:09,172
Oh, I'm sorry.
147
00:07:09,207 --> 00:07:12,208
I just care about soft news so much.
148
00:07:12,244 --> 00:07:14,744
I had a job at a cutting
edge new company
149
00:07:14,779 --> 00:07:16,412
that would change the world.
150
00:07:16,448 --> 00:07:19,015
Homer, next week we finally
take our revolutionary
151
00:07:19,050 --> 00:07:20,650
teeth whitening strips to market.
152
00:07:20,685 --> 00:07:22,085
I couldn't have done
it without you, man.
153
00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:24,220
Together, we make an amazing team.
154
00:07:24,256 --> 00:07:26,856
Me, with my advanced degrees
in medicine, chemistry
155
00:07:26,892 --> 00:07:29,859
and business, and you, with
your gentle good humor.
156
00:07:29,895 --> 00:07:31,661
I hear that.
157
00:07:31,696 --> 00:07:33,096
I love it.
158
00:07:33,131 --> 00:07:34,564
It's like I know you're
not listening to me,
159
00:07:34,599 --> 00:07:35,865
but I'm not mad at you.
160
00:07:35,901 --> 00:07:37,433
- I'm sorry, what?
- Exactly.
161
00:07:37,469 --> 00:07:39,869
Buddy, whatever I make,
you get a piece of.
162
00:07:39,905 --> 00:07:42,939
I hear that. I mean, I really hear that.
163
00:07:44,943 --> 00:07:48,278
Homer took me to the
hippest spots in town.
164
00:08:02,661 --> 00:08:04,260
Oh, Homie.
165
00:08:04,296 --> 00:08:07,697
This is the happiest I've
ever been in my life.
166
00:08:07,732 --> 00:08:09,199
Hold onto it, Marge.
167
00:08:09,234 --> 00:08:11,034
Hold on and never let go.
168
00:08:11,069 --> 00:08:13,069
- The moment?
- No, the rail!
169
00:08:30,388 --> 00:08:33,489
Oh, quit resting.
170
00:08:33,525 --> 00:08:36,426
We'd see classic movies
whenever we wanted.
171
00:09:11,563 --> 00:09:13,963
Hey, some of us are trying
to enjoy the movie.
172
00:09:13,999 --> 00:09:15,531
No, none of us are.
173
00:09:18,570 --> 00:09:20,970
At least I died before I'm 30!
174
00:09:22,407 --> 00:09:25,508
Yes, he was 47 when he made this film.
175
00:09:27,145 --> 00:09:28,611
Did you two lovebirds-a know
176
00:09:28,647 --> 00:09:30,380
there's a meteor shower tonight?
177
00:09:30,415 --> 00:09:33,516
Homie. We should drive
to the desert and watch it.
178
00:09:33,551 --> 00:09:36,953
What about the kids?
Oh, right, we have none.
179
00:09:45,697 --> 00:09:47,730
So why can't you do stuff like that now?
180
00:09:47,766 --> 00:09:49,065
Why do you think?
181
00:09:49,100 --> 00:09:51,000
It couldn't be me, Booze 'n' snooze.
182
00:09:51,036 --> 00:09:52,568
Why you little...
183
00:09:52,604 --> 00:09:55,305
Marge!
184
00:09:55,340 --> 00:09:58,074
Pick up the narrative!
185
00:09:58,109 --> 00:10:01,210
We were having the time of our lives.
186
00:10:09,788 --> 00:10:12,801
And then it came.
187
00:10:13,725 --> 00:10:15,091
Have some num-num.
188
00:10:15,126 --> 00:10:16,526
Who likes num-num?
189
00:10:16,561 --> 00:10:17,894
You like num-num?
190
00:10:17,929 --> 00:10:20,863
Oh, there's a meteor shower tonight.
191
00:10:20,899 --> 00:10:22,265
We'll do the next one.
192
00:10:22,300 --> 00:10:25,001
It's in 187 years.
193
00:10:25,036 --> 00:10:27,236
Where are they coming from, outer space?
194
00:10:27,272 --> 00:10:28,604
Have some num-num.
195
00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:31,381
Who likes num-num? You like num-num?
196
00:10:33,914 --> 00:10:36,912
Where did this beautiful man go?
197
00:10:36,947 --> 00:10:38,180
Dad,
198
00:10:38,215 --> 00:10:40,349
I know it was fun to be young and free,
199
00:10:40,384 --> 00:10:43,385
but how could you ever replace us?
200
00:10:43,420 --> 00:10:46,355
Pool table, jukebox, and
a vacation to Bermuda.
201
00:10:46,390 --> 00:10:48,157
Dad! Can you please get to the part
202
00:10:48,192 --> 00:10:51,026
where you reassure us how
glad you are we're here?
203
00:10:51,061 --> 00:10:53,562
Hey, as long as I'm the
pool table, I'm cool.
204
00:10:53,597 --> 00:10:55,097
Sweetie, I treasure you.
205
00:10:55,132 --> 00:10:56,365
But before you kids,
206
00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:58,867
I used to know the names
of people in bands!
207
00:10:58,903 --> 00:11:01,570
And not just the singer,
but the guitar guy!
208
00:11:01,605 --> 00:11:06,074
And baby Bart was the worst son
of a bitch you could imagine.
209
00:11:06,110 --> 00:11:08,844
We were the first of
our friends to have a baby,
210
00:11:08,879 --> 00:11:10,879
so we got lots of attention.
211
00:11:10,915 --> 00:11:12,881
- Aw.
- Aw.
212
00:11:12,917 --> 00:11:15,851
Aw, hey, little man. Up high.
213
00:11:15,886 --> 00:11:17,586
Down low. Too slow.
214
00:11:21,625 --> 00:11:22,691
Again!
215
00:11:22,726 --> 00:11:24,793
All right. Up high.
216
00:11:26,163 --> 00:11:28,297
Oh! Ow! What was that?!
217
00:11:28,332 --> 00:11:30,265
Oh, that's tangelo! Come on!
218
00:11:30,301 --> 00:11:33,302
That's the most acidic
of all the citrus fruits!
219
00:11:33,337 --> 00:11:36,471
I see now that even
babies don't respect you.
220
00:11:36,507 --> 00:11:39,942
Were you planning on bringing
this brat to board game night?
221
00:11:39,977 --> 00:11:41,310
Oh, sea salt!
222
00:11:41,345 --> 00:11:43,512
The biggest crystals of all!
223
00:11:44,548 --> 00:11:46,048
We don't have a sitter.
224
00:11:46,083 --> 00:11:47,916
Invitation rescinded!
225
00:11:47,952 --> 00:11:50,619
Next, baby Bart ruined
my one shot at success,
226
00:11:50,654 --> 00:11:53,322
my only fast pass to cash mountain.
227
00:11:53,357 --> 00:11:54,990
Yes, thank you. You won't be sorry.
228
00:11:55,025 --> 00:11:56,325
We're goin' places, Homer.
229
00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:58,060
Soon you'll be in a higher tax bracket.
230
00:11:58,095 --> 00:12:00,729
D'oh!
231
00:12:00,764 --> 00:12:02,898
What's that thing on your shoulder?
232
00:12:02,933 --> 00:12:04,633
Uh, my son.
233
00:12:04,668 --> 00:12:06,101
You can't have a kid.
234
00:12:06,136 --> 00:12:08,537
But I have a kid.
235
00:12:08,572 --> 00:12:11,073
A kid indicates you took time
away from me to conceive.
236
00:12:11,108 --> 00:12:12,875
It's like a virus. It starts spreading,
237
00:12:12,910 --> 00:12:14,843
and suddenly everyone's getting married
238
00:12:14,879 --> 00:12:15,978
when they should be working.
239
00:12:16,013 --> 00:12:17,446
Working. Always working.
240
00:12:17,481 --> 00:12:18,647
Ooh.
241
00:12:18,682 --> 00:12:20,782
I have a difficult choice here.
242
00:12:20,818 --> 00:12:23,819
You chose me over money?
243
00:12:23,854 --> 00:12:26,355
Ooh! I deserved that.
244
00:12:26,390 --> 00:12:28,690
And that. Now he's worth $10 billion.
245
00:12:28,726 --> 00:12:31,260
I still have his phone number,
but I've never called it.
246
00:12:31,295 --> 00:12:32,361
Well, why not?
247
00:12:32,396 --> 00:12:33,495
He loved you before.
248
00:12:33,530 --> 00:12:35,030
You're the same guy.
249
00:12:35,065 --> 00:12:36,131
Yeah!
250
00:12:37,501 --> 00:12:38,600
Homer Simpson?
251
00:12:38,636 --> 00:12:40,135
Buddy, is that you?
252
00:12:40,170 --> 00:12:42,504
I've been expecting this call for years.
253
00:12:42,539 --> 00:12:44,039
You remember me?
254
00:12:44,074 --> 00:12:46,808
Of course. I've been waiting
to say something to you.
255
00:12:46,844 --> 00:12:47,943
Are you ready?
256
00:12:47,978 --> 00:12:49,311
I sure am.
257
00:12:49,346 --> 00:12:51,647
Good-bye
258
00:12:51,682 --> 00:12:54,283
forever.
259
00:12:56,335 --> 00:12:57,696
Oh.
260
00:13:00,090 --> 00:13:02,624
Closure is supposed to be a good thing.
261
00:13:02,660 --> 00:13:06,962
Also, I'm afraid, a newborn and
a journalism career did not mix.
262
00:13:06,997 --> 00:13:09,665
This is terrible! I wanted
quotes from the swing set,
263
00:13:09,700 --> 00:13:11,199
not price quotes on swing sets.
264
00:13:13,003 --> 00:13:14,336
Party pics, not potty tips.
265
00:13:14,371 --> 00:13:16,138
Glitterati, not babysitterati.
266
00:13:16,173 --> 00:13:18,240
Are you getting my drift
or should I throw you an oar?
267
00:13:18,275 --> 00:13:21,376
It's important for new
parents to know this stuff.
268
00:13:21,412 --> 00:13:22,678
New parents? Eh.
269
00:13:22,713 --> 00:13:24,012
They're not the audience
for the Leisure Section.
270
00:13:24,048 --> 00:13:25,347
All they care about are babies.
271
00:13:25,382 --> 00:13:27,149
Babies are boring. I'd
rather talk about soccer.
272
00:13:27,184 --> 00:13:28,184
And I hate soccer!
273
00:13:28,185 --> 00:13:29,751
Marge, do you like bacon?
274
00:13:29,787 --> 00:13:30,986
Yes, ac...
275
00:13:31,021 --> 00:13:32,554
Well, you got one last
chance to save yours.
276
00:13:32,589 --> 00:13:34,356
Get me a good nightlife
story, or I'm replacing you
277
00:13:34,391 --> 00:13:36,992
with someone with a nightlife,
Barbara Rellalinsky!
278
00:13:37,027 --> 00:13:39,528
I will get the scoop.
279
00:13:39,563 --> 00:13:41,196
So,
280
00:13:41,231 --> 00:13:44,199
you've moved into
painting giant schnozzes.
281
00:13:44,234 --> 00:13:46,668
Marge, the mouth has had its say.
282
00:13:46,704 --> 00:13:50,005
Now it's time to find out
what the nose knows.
283
00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:52,507
That's a pull-quote,
if ever I heard one.
284
00:13:52,543 --> 00:13:55,043
Pretty much everything
I say is quotable.
285
00:13:55,079 --> 00:13:57,179
Well, not that.
286
00:13:58,515 --> 00:14:00,148
What are you doing here?
287
00:14:00,184 --> 00:14:01,683
I'm so sorry, sweetie.
288
00:14:01,719 --> 00:14:03,218
I know it's my night to watch Bart,
289
00:14:03,253 --> 00:14:04,920
but he just won't stop fussing.
290
00:14:04,955 --> 00:14:07,723
Did you try driving around
to make him fall asleep?
291
00:14:07,758 --> 00:14:09,491
It only worked on me.
292
00:14:14,898 --> 00:14:18,100
Next stop: Somali Pirate Island.
293
00:14:18,135 --> 00:14:19,201
D'oh!
294
00:14:22,773 --> 00:14:25,107
Bunny!
295
00:14:35,652 --> 00:14:37,619
It's not art anymore!
296
00:14:37,654 --> 00:14:40,155
It's a misshapen lump on the floor!
297
00:14:40,190 --> 00:14:42,824
Not like this masterpiece!
298
00:14:45,844 --> 00:14:47,262
Marge, this photo is dynamite!
299
00:14:47,297 --> 00:14:48,331
Thank you!
300
00:14:48,332 --> 00:14:49,631
Dynamite kills people!
301
00:14:49,666 --> 00:14:52,100
Thanks to your kid, we just
lost all our art advertising,
302
00:14:52,136 --> 00:14:54,302
the art gallery and Art's Deli,
which catered the event.
303
00:14:54,338 --> 00:14:56,304
You're fired! Turn in your
press card and your fedora!
304
00:14:56,340 --> 00:14:58,106
And I'm gonna erase your name
from this birthday card
305
00:14:58,142 --> 00:15:00,042
we got for Doris.
306
00:15:00,077 --> 00:15:02,411
See? It's gone! She won't
miss it. She never liked you.
307
00:15:02,446 --> 00:15:04,613
But I still had the
greatest job in the world,
308
00:15:04,648 --> 00:15:07,049
I thought: Being a mom.
309
00:15:11,822 --> 00:15:13,155
Boy, if it wasn't for naptime,
310
00:15:13,190 --> 00:15:15,824
we'd have all been dead
from the stress years ago.
311
00:15:21,131 --> 00:15:23,999
I didn't do it.
312
00:15:24,034 --> 00:15:26,668
You are banned forever from Gymdandee;
313
00:15:26,703 --> 00:15:29,471
Our sister shops, Swimdandee
and Violindandee;
314
00:15:29,506 --> 00:15:31,673
And all other Kid Kennel
enrichment centers
315
00:15:31,708 --> 00:15:32,841
and baby prisons.
316
00:15:34,645 --> 00:15:36,344
Hey, Homer.
317
00:15:36,380 --> 00:15:38,013
Haven't seen you in a while.
318
00:15:38,048 --> 00:15:39,514
I switched to donuts.
319
00:15:39,550 --> 00:15:41,016
Oy.
320
00:15:41,051 --> 00:15:42,717
Our dream life crumbling,
321
00:15:42,753 --> 00:15:45,520
Homie and I sought
counseling at the church.
322
00:15:47,057 --> 00:15:50,292
You were so very wise to
bring your problems here.
323
00:15:50,327 --> 00:15:52,294
Now, won't you bow your heads
324
00:15:52,329 --> 00:15:54,362
and watch this video.
325
00:16:00,337 --> 00:16:03,105
Hello. I'm Professor Thernstrom,
326
00:16:03,140 --> 00:16:07,042
author of Fractured Families
and How to Heal Them.
327
00:16:07,077 --> 00:16:10,545
I think we all know who
Professor Thernstrom is.
328
00:16:10,581 --> 00:16:12,447
Play the video.
329
00:16:12,483 --> 00:16:14,382
Jane was an only child.
330
00:16:14,418 --> 00:16:16,718
And science has proven
that only children
331
00:16:16,753 --> 00:16:18,186
are lonely children
332
00:16:18,222 --> 00:16:21,289
and lonely children are evil children.
333
00:16:26,029 --> 00:16:29,397
Jane's problems became
the family's problems.
334
00:16:35,205 --> 00:16:37,906
They came to see me,
and, nine months later,
335
00:16:37,941 --> 00:16:40,175
Joe was born, and all was well.
336
00:16:40,210 --> 00:16:41,843
Do not undertake procreation alone.
337
00:16:41,879 --> 00:16:43,778
Warning: Second child
may cause loss of money,
338
00:16:43,814 --> 00:16:45,313
limited vacations, and reduced sleep.
339
00:16:45,349 --> 00:16:47,048
Do not have a second child
if you have heart problems,
340
00:16:47,084 --> 00:16:48,850
are pregnant, or want to
keep your spare bedroom.
341
00:16:48,886 --> 00:16:51,586
In rare cases, sibling
rivalry may occur.
342
00:16:54,558 --> 00:16:55,790
That's it, Homie!
343
00:16:55,826 --> 00:16:57,192
That's the answer!
344
00:16:57,227 --> 00:16:59,194
We're having another child.
345
00:16:59,229 --> 00:17:00,462
But just the one.
346
00:17:00,497 --> 00:17:02,097
We're not Catholics.
347
00:17:02,132 --> 00:17:04,633
And so we decided to have Lisa.
348
00:17:04,668 --> 00:17:06,301
That's what this was building to?
349
00:17:06,336 --> 00:17:08,970
I thought this was the story
of how we got our furnace.
350
00:17:09,006 --> 00:17:11,506
Who would care how we got the furnace?
351
00:17:11,542 --> 00:17:12,542
I would care.
352
00:17:12,543 --> 00:17:13,842
It came with the house.
353
00:17:13,877 --> 00:17:15,744
Mystery solved!
354
00:17:25,283 --> 00:17:27,250
Finally, he's asleep.
Let's make another.
355
00:17:27,319 --> 00:17:29,252
- Mmm, mmm.
- No. Oh, not here.
356
00:17:29,287 --> 00:17:32,122
He might wake up. The only safe
place is out on the fire escape.
357
00:17:32,157 --> 00:17:33,723
What if firemen need it?
358
00:17:33,759 --> 00:17:35,725
I'll be quick.
359
00:17:36,828 --> 00:17:40,363
Now Mother Nature does the rest.
360
00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:44,000
Hmm...
361
00:17:46,571 --> 00:17:49,139
Duh, girls don't like me.
362
00:17:57,149 --> 00:17:58,248
Hey! No fair!
363
00:17:58,283 --> 00:18:00,250
Hey, where did he get those glasses?
364
00:18:00,285 --> 00:18:02,819
The saxophone makes sense,
but the glasses don't?
365
00:18:02,854 --> 00:18:04,354
Shut up, you!
366
00:18:04,389 --> 00:18:06,356
Shut up!
367
00:18:10,028 --> 00:18:13,129
And so after a lot
of late-night ice cream
368
00:18:13,165 --> 00:18:14,393
and pickles,
369
00:18:14,394 --> 00:18:15,732
Lisa was born.
370
00:18:15,767 --> 00:18:17,200
And the best part was
371
00:18:17,235 --> 00:18:20,403
Bart became the calmest
boy in the whole world.
372
00:18:20,438 --> 00:18:21,871
More or less.
373
00:18:21,907 --> 00:18:23,206
Why, you...
374
00:18:23,241 --> 00:18:26,676
You delightful little blessing.
375
00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:31,648
Someone's gonna need
four months of rehab.
376
00:18:31,683 --> 00:18:33,583
Not covered by insurance.
377
00:18:35,220 --> 00:18:38,254
So a family with kids is a
different kind of happy,
378
00:18:38,290 --> 00:18:39,923
but still happy.
379
00:18:39,958 --> 00:18:42,525
Wow. Just, uh... wow.
380
00:18:42,561 --> 00:18:43,927
Hey, where's your wife?
381
00:18:43,962 --> 00:18:46,262
Uh, she left me forever
during your story.
382
00:18:46,298 --> 00:18:48,531
If you look out the window,
you can probably see her.
383
00:18:48,567 --> 00:18:49,933
Oh.
384
00:18:49,968 --> 00:18:51,467
Why did you leave?!
385
00:18:51,503 --> 00:18:54,137
Because I never want to be
stuck with people like you
386
00:18:54,172 --> 00:18:57,841
who stunt each other's growth
with your rampant dysfunction!
387
00:18:59,110 --> 00:19:01,744
Quick. Family smile.
388
00:19:01,780 --> 00:19:03,246
Our lives are great!
389
00:19:03,281 --> 00:19:06,850
We left out the happy parts
because they were boring!
390
00:19:06,918 --> 00:19:09,219
Nothing wrong with this picture.
391
00:19:13,758 --> 00:19:14,891
Get over here, Lisa.
392
00:19:14,926 --> 00:19:16,392
The only way humanity survives
393
00:19:16,428 --> 00:19:19,796
is if people perpetuate this lie.
394
00:19:19,831 --> 00:19:21,264
Well, why is she frowning?
395
00:19:21,299 --> 00:19:23,399
Is there some unhappiness you're hiding?
396
00:19:23,435 --> 00:19:24,901
Um...
397
00:19:24,936 --> 00:19:27,804
I'm gonna stake my whole
marriage on what you do next!
398
00:19:27,839 --> 00:19:29,772
Smile. Don't be a dink.
399
00:19:29,841 --> 00:19:31,107
Mm...
400
00:19:33,245 --> 00:19:35,812
I love you, Miles!
401
00:19:39,618 --> 00:19:40,917
You did it, sweetie.
402
00:19:40,952 --> 00:19:42,785
You saved two bad marriages.
403
00:19:42,821 --> 00:19:45,121
What's the first bad marriage?
404
00:19:45,156 --> 00:19:46,389
Uh, I miscounted.
405
00:19:46,424 --> 00:19:48,224
You saved one bad marriage. Just one.
406
00:19:49,328 --> 00:19:51,862
Aw, reminds me of the
first time we hugged.
407
00:19:51,863 --> 00:19:52,897
Great story.
408
00:19:52,898 --> 00:19:54,230
Get out.
409
00:19:54,266 --> 00:19:56,399
Well, we may not be ethical,
410
00:19:56,434 --> 00:19:58,134
but we're a great team.
411
00:19:58,169 --> 00:20:00,470
Just like Fred and Ethical.
412
00:20:00,505 --> 00:20:02,005
Want to tell us how Maggie was born?
413
00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:03,473
We told you that story.
414
00:20:03,508 --> 00:20:05,808
- And how we got the dog?
- Found him at Christmas.
415
00:20:05,844 --> 00:20:08,677
- And the origin of the cat?
- Nobody cares.
416
00:20:10,592 --> 00:20:13,087
This was a nice idea, Homie.
417
00:20:13,317 --> 00:20:14,817
I'm glad we came back here.
418
00:20:14,852 --> 00:20:16,085
Just the two of us.
419
00:20:18,622 --> 00:20:20,522
Just imagine what they'd do
420
00:20:20,558 --> 00:20:22,591
if Grampa wasn't watching them.
421
00:20:22,626 --> 00:20:24,860
I wish I'd never had kids.
422
00:20:24,895 --> 00:20:27,863
Thank God there's no munitions
left in the factory.
423
00:20:27,898 --> 00:20:29,198
Never too late for another!
424
00:20:29,233 --> 00:20:31,467
No one's made it out in a half century!
425
00:20:31,502 --> 00:20:33,502
I didn't even know
there were five of us!
426
00:20:39,043 --> 00:20:40,476
Make room! What the...?
427
00:20:40,511 --> 00:20:42,144
How did you get in here?
428
00:20:42,179 --> 00:20:43,779
Mind your own business.
30100
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