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1
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♪ We are family
2
00:01:04,089 --> 00:01:06,137
♪ I got all my sisters with me
3
00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:10,096
♪ We are family
4
00:01:12,055 --> 00:01:14,183
♪ Get up, everybody, and sing
5
00:01:16,101 --> 00:01:18,229
♪ We are family
6
00:01:20,105 --> 00:01:22,278
♪ I got all my sisters with me
7
00:01:24,067 --> 00:01:26,195
♪ We are family
8
00:01:28,155 --> 00:01:30,533
♪ Get up, everybody, and sing
9
00:02:01,063 --> 00:02:03,157
♪ We are family
10
00:02:05,025 --> 00:02:07,153
♪ I got all my sisters with me
11
00:02:09,071 --> 00:02:11,324
♪ We are family
12
00:02:13,075 --> 00:02:15,169
♪ Get up, everybody, and sing
13
00:02:17,079 --> 00:02:19,298
♪ We are family
14
00:02:21,083 --> 00:02:23,051
♪ I got all my sisters with me
15
00:02:25,671 --> 00:02:29,096
Agador, where is Starina?
She goes on in five minutes.
16
00:02:29,258 --> 00:02:31,386
♪ Get up, everybody, and sing
17
00:02:34,555 --> 00:02:37,900
♪ Everyone can see we're together
18
00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:41,153
♪ As we walk on by
19
00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:45,658
♪ And we fly
just like birds of a feather
20
00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:48,990
♪ I won't tell no lie
21
00:02:50,279 --> 00:02:54,250
♪ All of the people around us they say
22
00:02:54,783 --> 00:02:56,535
♪ Can they be that close?
23
00:02:57,578 --> 00:03:00,206
♪ Let me state for the record
24
00:03:01,540 --> 00:03:04,714
♪ We're giving love
in a family dose
25
00:03:41,371 --> 00:03:42,463
Armand.
26
00:03:42,623 --> 00:03:46,628
The Kennedys are here for supper.
Do we pick up their tab?
27
00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:49,888
- Ted?
- No. Just the younger ones.
28
00:03:50,047 --> 00:03:53,301
Wish we could get Ted.
Give them free coffee.
29
00:03:57,638 --> 00:03:59,311
Leave room for coffee.
30
00:04:04,311 --> 00:04:05,312
Where's Starina?
31
00:04:05,479 --> 00:04:07,982
Agador said she'd be down in five.
32
00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:11,531
♪ We are family
33
00:04:13,445 --> 00:04:15,573
♪ Get up, everybody, and sing
34
00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:19,960
♪ We are family ♪
35
00:04:31,546 --> 00:04:32,889
Okay, let's go.
36
00:04:34,841 --> 00:04:36,218
You look great.
37
00:04:48,814 --> 00:04:51,067
Starina won't go on.
She's a-still in her robe.
38
00:04:51,233 --> 00:04:52,234
Damn!
39
00:04:52,401 --> 00:04:54,449
I don't know what happened.
40
00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:58,199
Go upstairs. Try to get her ready.
I'll be right up. Go!
41
00:04:58,365 --> 00:04:59,412
She won't.
42
00:04:59,783 --> 00:05:03,959
Merde! Have Carmen get ready to do
Starina's number, just in case.
43
00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:12,296
Honey, please.
You got to get dressed for me.
44
00:05:12,462 --> 00:05:13,554
No, Agador.
45
00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:18,185
Victoria Page will not dance
the Dance of the Red Shoes tonight.
46
00:05:18,343 --> 00:05:19,344
Or any other night.
47
00:05:19,511 --> 00:05:21,809
How 'bout just your stockings, okay?
48
00:05:22,097 --> 00:05:23,770
Victoria Page is dead.
49
00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:26,523
But watch how nice
I'm gonna put it for you.
50
00:05:26,685 --> 00:05:27,777
You know how she died?
51
00:05:27,936 --> 00:05:30,906
Alone... weeping for her lover.
52
00:05:32,357 --> 00:05:34,485
Darling, have you eaten?
You look haggard.
53
00:05:35,193 --> 00:05:37,787
Please! You gotta help me a little.
54
00:05:38,113 --> 00:05:39,990
- What is this?
- Supplements.
55
00:05:40,949 --> 00:05:43,202
I bought them for Armand, but...
56
00:05:44,244 --> 00:05:45,746
...that's all over now.
57
00:05:46,455 --> 00:05:48,173
Okay.
58
00:05:56,673 --> 00:05:57,674
Albert!
59
00:05:57,841 --> 00:05:59,218
Agh!
60
00:06:00,635 --> 00:06:02,182
Where are you?
Albert, come on!
61
00:06:02,345 --> 00:06:04,473
- Open up, Albert, baby.
- Get out!
62
00:06:04,639 --> 00:06:07,142
- Open it, Albert!
- Go away!
63
00:06:07,309 --> 00:06:09,983
I don't want him to see me.
I'm hideous!
64
00:06:16,067 --> 00:06:17,068
Fuck!
65
00:06:17,235 --> 00:06:20,489
- I'm calling 911!
- Agador, abre la puerta!
66
00:06:22,616 --> 00:06:25,540
- Open the door!
- I'm trying, but he's so crazy.
67
00:06:25,702 --> 00:06:26,703
Albert!
68
00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:30,832
Are you trying to ruin me?
69
00:06:30,999 --> 00:06:33,218
Don't look at me.
I'm hideous!
70
00:06:33,418 --> 00:06:36,217
Hideous! Fat and hideous!
71
00:06:36,379 --> 00:06:38,256
Agador, I'm in such pain.
72
00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:41,302
I know, honey. It's gonna pass.
73
00:06:41,468 --> 00:06:44,187
No! It will never pass.
I hate my life.
74
00:06:44,346 --> 00:06:47,441
Are you crazy?
It's packed out there!
75
00:06:47,599 --> 00:06:50,398
That's all I am to you...
a meal ticket.
76
00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:52,654
- I can't stand this.
- Forget about my feelings.
77
00:06:52,813 --> 00:06:56,738
Forget about my suffering.
It's just about your show.
78
00:06:56,900 --> 00:06:59,369
Not even our show.
Your show.
79
00:06:59,528 --> 00:07:02,031
I want a palimony agreement, now.
80
00:07:02,197 --> 00:07:05,201
I don't have one on me.
Is tomorrow okay?
81
00:07:05,367 --> 00:07:07,711
- Don't use that tone to me.
- What tone?
82
00:07:07,869 --> 00:07:12,545
That sarcastic tone that implies you
know everything because you're a man,
83
00:07:12,707 --> 00:07:14,254
and I know nothing
because I'm a woman.
84
00:07:14,417 --> 00:07:17,466
- You're not a woman.
- Oh, you bastard!
85
00:07:18,964 --> 00:07:21,092
Everybody, take it easy.
86
00:07:21,258 --> 00:07:23,727
Whatever I am, he made me.
87
00:07:23,885 --> 00:07:27,560
I was adorable once,
young and full of hope.
88
00:07:27,722 --> 00:07:31,022
Now, look at me.
I'm this short,
89
00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:35,155
fat, insecure,
middle-aged thing!
90
00:07:35,313 --> 00:07:36,690
I made you short?
91
00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:41,828
What do I do?
The number is nearly over.
92
00:07:41,987 --> 00:07:43,455
Do I send Carmen on for Starina?
93
00:07:44,739 --> 00:07:47,117
We have no choice. Yes.
94
00:07:47,284 --> 00:07:49,503
Not Carmen!
How dare you?
95
00:07:49,661 --> 00:07:51,584
- Do it!
- No! No!
96
00:07:51,746 --> 00:07:52,998
- Cyril, go.
- Please.
97
00:07:53,874 --> 00:07:57,629
I will go on. The people
have come to see Starina.
98
00:07:57,794 --> 00:08:00,422
Starina will not disappoint them,
even in this state.
99
00:08:00,589 --> 00:08:05,390
Put on the mambo number. Have Beatrice
and Dante get the staircase ready.
100
00:08:06,177 --> 00:08:07,850
- My hands are shaking.
- That's okay.
101
00:08:08,013 --> 00:08:10,186
Agador, I need
some Pirin tablets.
102
00:08:10,348 --> 00:08:12,396
- What are you taking?
- Nothing.
103
00:08:12,559 --> 00:08:15,608
Just one, okay?
One before the show,
104
00:08:15,770 --> 00:08:18,649
and one after.
No more, so don't ask.
105
00:08:18,815 --> 00:08:21,568
Thank you, my darling Agador.
106
00:08:21,735 --> 00:08:23,408
I'm gonna put
this here for you.
107
00:08:23,570 --> 00:08:25,572
Breathe.
Ignore the bad things.
108
00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:30,245
This room is so crowded. Can I have
a moment to myself to prepare?
109
00:08:30,410 --> 00:08:32,287
Let's leave her.
Come on.
110
00:08:40,295 --> 00:08:43,219
Why are you giving him drugs?
What the hell are Pirin tablets?
111
00:08:43,381 --> 00:08:46,430
Aspirin, with the "A" and "S"
scraped off.
112
00:08:46,593 --> 00:08:49,267
- What a brilliant idea.
- I know.
113
00:08:51,348 --> 00:08:54,773
I don't believe it!
You're shaving your chest now?
114
00:08:54,935 --> 00:08:57,108
I didn't have time to wax.
115
00:08:58,939 --> 00:09:02,284
Indifference is the most
awful thing in the world.
116
00:09:02,901 --> 00:09:06,997
I've done everything I could
to make myself attractive for you.
117
00:09:07,614 --> 00:09:11,539
I've lost and gained over
a hundred pounds in the last year.
118
00:09:12,535 --> 00:09:17,837
I've yo-yoed from a 16
to a 10 to a 16, and...
119
00:09:17,999 --> 00:09:19,546
...you've never said a word.
120
00:09:19,709 --> 00:09:24,055
Not one hint of encouragement,
not one scrap of validation.
121
00:09:25,382 --> 00:09:28,807
If not for the Pirin tablets,
I couldn't go on.
122
00:09:28,969 --> 00:09:31,688
If you don't finish making up,
I'll kill myself.
123
00:09:34,099 --> 00:09:35,567
You don't love me anymore.
124
00:09:35,725 --> 00:09:37,272
Oh, shit.
125
00:09:37,435 --> 00:09:39,563
- There's a man in your life.
- What?
126
00:09:39,729 --> 00:09:40,730
I sense it.
127
00:09:40,897 --> 00:09:43,946
And I saw a bottle of white wine,
128
00:09:44,109 --> 00:09:46,407
chilling in the refrigerator.
129
00:09:47,070 --> 00:09:48,868
I only drink red.
130
00:09:49,030 --> 00:09:50,327
And so do you.
131
00:09:55,245 --> 00:09:56,462
There's no man.
132
00:09:56,621 --> 00:09:59,966
I'm switching to white
because red has tannins.
133
00:10:00,125 --> 00:10:05,052
Now there are 150 people out there,
half of them Kennedys, waiting for you.
134
00:10:05,213 --> 00:10:08,934
Waiting to applaud you.
To applaud the great Starina.
135
00:10:09,092 --> 00:10:10,810
Tannins?!
136
00:10:10,969 --> 00:10:13,939
- What do you do while I'm on stage?
- Nothing. I lie here.
137
00:10:14,097 --> 00:10:19,149
Where do you go while I'm killing
myself on stage? I know that look.
138
00:10:19,310 --> 00:10:21,813
Go ahead, hit me. Go on.
139
00:10:21,980 --> 00:10:24,779
That's what you want to do.
Do it. Hit me.
140
00:10:24,941 --> 00:10:26,784
Go on, hit me.
141
00:10:28,194 --> 00:10:30,913
♪ La virgen lloraba
142
00:10:33,408 --> 00:10:38,335
♪ La virgen lloraba ♪
143
00:10:56,681 --> 00:11:00,231
Ladies and gentlemen,
the one, the only,
144
00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:03,317
the incomparable Starina.
145
00:11:42,060 --> 00:11:46,566
Thank you and
welcome to The Birdcage.
146
00:11:46,731 --> 00:11:51,157
As you see, I've just gotten back
from safari. I picked up a new muff.
147
00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:55,911
Look, it comes with accessories.
148
00:11:57,742 --> 00:12:00,461
Don't look at me like that.
I didn't kill him.
149
00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:02,622
He died and left me everything.
150
00:12:05,166 --> 00:12:08,636
Oh, where are the couple
celebrating their anniversary?
151
00:12:10,004 --> 00:12:11,847
Mon congrats, you sweeties.
152
00:12:15,176 --> 00:12:18,100
I may have something
to celebrate myself very soon.
153
00:12:18,263 --> 00:12:21,392
I think I have found the one.
154
00:12:23,101 --> 00:12:24,102
Yes.
155
00:12:25,603 --> 00:12:28,948
You know I hate to brag, but...
156
00:12:29,107 --> 00:12:32,327
♪ I knew this grocery clerk
157
00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:35,830
♪ Unprepossessing
158
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:38,412
♪ Some think the boy's a jerk...
159
00:12:59,053 --> 00:13:00,100
Excuse me.
160
00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:03,892
Hello.
What do you think?
161
00:13:04,893 --> 00:13:07,396
You look like Lucy's stunt double.
162
00:13:07,562 --> 00:13:09,906
I'm a combination of Lucy and Ricky.
163
00:13:10,064 --> 00:13:13,443
And it's terrifying.
Get out the white wine,
164
00:13:13,610 --> 00:13:16,830
chill two glasses
and take the night off.
165
00:13:17,947 --> 00:13:20,575
Why you talk to me
like I'm your servant?
166
00:13:20,742 --> 00:13:22,915
Because you're
our faithful houseman.
167
00:13:23,077 --> 00:13:25,956
My father was the
shaman of his tribe,
168
00:13:26,122 --> 00:13:28,500
my mother was the high priestess.
169
00:13:28,666 --> 00:13:30,293
Then why did they
move to New Jersey?
170
00:13:30,460 --> 00:13:34,510
I don't know. They so stupid.
They want me to have a career.
171
00:13:34,672 --> 00:13:39,143
Hello? A career? When you gonna
let me audition for you again?
172
00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:41,270
When you have talent.
173
00:13:41,429 --> 00:13:43,523
Now take off the wig
or I'll tell Albert you wore it.
174
00:13:43,723 --> 00:13:47,899
You do that, I'm gonna tell him you're
seeing someone while he's on stage.
175
00:13:49,020 --> 00:13:51,273
I have two words for you: Green Card.
176
00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:54,484
Now go! And leave
the front door unlocked.
177
00:13:54,651 --> 00:13:57,450
You're such a beast to everybody.
178
00:13:58,321 --> 00:13:59,743
Come on, Gloria.
179
00:14:34,482 --> 00:14:35,529
Hey.
180
00:14:44,659 --> 00:14:46,787
You keep getting better looking.
181
00:14:46,953 --> 00:14:48,751
Thank you. So do you.
182
00:14:48,913 --> 00:14:51,041
Oh, no. Really?
183
00:14:52,166 --> 00:14:54,134
I feel bloated.
184
00:14:56,546 --> 00:14:58,640
- You think I look good?
- You look great.
185
00:14:58,798 --> 00:15:00,220
That's very sweet.
186
00:15:02,885 --> 00:15:05,638
I'm glad you cut your hair.
187
00:15:08,016 --> 00:15:09,609
- Did you eat?
- Yes.
188
00:15:09,767 --> 00:15:10,814
Something to drink?
189
00:15:10,977 --> 00:15:14,902
- Beer, if you have it.
- I do not. Talk about bloat.
190
00:15:16,024 --> 00:15:17,071
White wine.
191
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:18,697
Swell.
192
00:15:19,944 --> 00:15:22,413
- How long has Albert been on?
- He just went on.
193
00:15:24,449 --> 00:15:26,497
I gave Agador the night off.
194
00:15:29,329 --> 00:15:31,377
So we're all alone.
195
00:15:31,539 --> 00:15:32,791
As requested.
196
00:15:34,584 --> 00:15:36,632
Since when do you like beer?
197
00:15:38,713 --> 00:15:40,715
So, I have something to tell you.
198
00:15:40,882 --> 00:15:44,056
But I don't want you
to get how you get.
199
00:15:44,594 --> 00:15:45,641
Oh, God.
200
00:15:47,930 --> 00:15:49,432
I'm getting married.
201
00:15:53,686 --> 00:15:56,735
I didn't want to tell you
over the phone.
202
00:15:57,565 --> 00:15:59,693
It's a girl.
I met her at school.
203
00:15:59,859 --> 00:16:03,830
It's this wonderful...
Are you upset?
204
00:16:03,988 --> 00:16:05,456
Let me tell you why.
205
00:16:06,783 --> 00:16:08,456
First, you're only 20.
206
00:16:08,618 --> 00:16:10,871
Pop, I know I'm young.
207
00:16:11,037 --> 00:16:16,464
But... you've always said I was
a very level-headed guy. And I am.
208
00:16:16,626 --> 00:16:21,097
I have job offers, I know what I want.
And I have an incredible role model.
209
00:16:21,255 --> 00:16:22,427
- Oh, please.
- It's true.
210
00:16:22,590 --> 00:16:25,309
I'm the only guy in my fraternity
who isn't from a broken home.
211
00:16:25,468 --> 00:16:27,766
Stop flattering me.
It's cheap.
212
00:16:32,975 --> 00:16:34,227
Is it all right, Dad?
213
00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:36,112
Does it matter?
214
00:16:36,270 --> 00:16:38,364
Of course it does.
215
00:16:38,523 --> 00:16:41,743
Say it's okay, before Albert
arrives and starts screaming.
216
00:16:42,985 --> 00:16:44,987
I can't. And I won't.
217
00:16:45,154 --> 00:16:46,747
This is too crazy.
218
00:16:46,906 --> 00:16:50,581
You do this, you're on your own.
Got that, sport?
219
00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:53,622
Don't come back,
don't ask me for anything.
220
00:16:53,788 --> 00:16:55,540
- I want nothing to do with it.
- Okay.
221
00:16:55,706 --> 00:16:57,299
- If that's how you feel.
- I do.
222
00:16:57,458 --> 00:17:00,837
- Fine. Goodbye, Pop.
- Goodbye, son.
223
00:17:03,881 --> 00:17:06,600
- You called my bluff.
- It was good.
224
00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:07,851
- Really?
- Not bad.
225
00:17:08,010 --> 00:17:09,512
I got backed off on a little bit.
226
00:17:09,679 --> 00:17:11,727
Tell me it's all right.
227
00:17:13,641 --> 00:17:18,317
It's all right. I always dreamed you
would. Just not so soon.
228
00:17:19,063 --> 00:17:21,987
Come on. Drop your bags,
stay a while.
229
00:17:26,070 --> 00:17:28,323
Let's drink a toast
to this catastrophe.
230
00:17:28,489 --> 00:17:29,490
I'm kidding.
231
00:17:30,992 --> 00:17:32,744
It's all right.
232
00:17:33,286 --> 00:17:35,038
What's the young lady's name?
233
00:17:35,204 --> 00:17:36,501
Barbara.
234
00:17:36,831 --> 00:17:38,674
Are you crazy? Forget it.
235
00:17:38,833 --> 00:17:40,756
Married? You're not even 18!
236
00:17:40,918 --> 00:17:43,592
Who is this boy, Barbie?
When did you last see him?
237
00:17:43,754 --> 00:17:48,510
Don't call me Barbie. Today at two.
We've been sleeping together for a year.
238
00:17:48,676 --> 00:17:51,475
Oh, God! Has he been tested?
239
00:17:51,637 --> 00:17:54,265
- Oh, Kevin!
- Yes, and so have I.
240
00:17:56,601 --> 00:17:59,354
This has to wait until after the
election.
241
00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:04,572
Where does the young man come from,
Barbie... ra? Who is his father?
242
00:18:05,693 --> 00:18:10,620
His father is in the arts.
He's on the Council of Cultural Arts.
243
00:18:10,781 --> 00:18:12,374
Did they fund the
Mapplethorpe exhibit?
244
00:18:12,533 --> 00:18:17,164
No! Goodness, no.
He's a cultural attache to Greece.
245
00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:18,832
Really?
246
00:18:18,998 --> 00:18:20,625
What the hell is that?
247
00:18:22,210 --> 00:18:26,716
That's kind of a diplomatic post.
It's a sort of an ambassador.
248
00:18:26,881 --> 00:18:28,883
What does the mother do?
249
00:18:29,050 --> 00:18:30,302
She's a housewife.
250
00:18:30,468 --> 00:18:33,267
That's so refreshing,
isn't it, Kevin?
251
00:18:33,429 --> 00:18:34,931
I can't talk about this now.
252
00:18:37,934 --> 00:18:39,311
- Hello.
- You all right?
253
00:18:39,477 --> 00:18:42,777
Yes. I just told them.
254
00:18:42,939 --> 00:18:45,192
Me, too. And my father is
255
00:18:45,358 --> 00:18:49,909
very excited. He's raising his glass
to toast us right now.
256
00:18:50,071 --> 00:18:53,075
I'm going to put him on.
Yes. Take it.
257
00:18:53,241 --> 00:18:56,085
- You said his parents were in Greece.
- Dad, get off the phone!
258
00:18:56,244 --> 00:18:57,416
Take it.
259
00:18:58,538 --> 00:18:59,960
Hello, Barbara.
260
00:19:00,122 --> 00:19:01,669
Here's to your future.
261
00:19:01,832 --> 00:19:05,086
Shit! No, dear,
that was not my toast.
262
00:19:05,253 --> 00:19:07,381
I broke my glass. I'm sorry.
263
00:19:07,547 --> 00:19:08,969
That's okay.
264
00:19:09,131 --> 00:19:12,351
It was nice talking to you.
We'll talk again soon.
265
00:19:12,510 --> 00:19:14,262
How dare you eavesdrop?!
266
00:19:14,428 --> 00:19:16,681
- You said his parents were in Greece.
- They are.
267
00:19:16,847 --> 00:19:22,069
You saw this boy at two o'clock today and
now he's in Greece with his parents?
268
00:19:22,228 --> 00:19:23,855
No.
269
00:19:25,898 --> 00:19:26,899
Greece?
270
00:19:28,442 --> 00:19:30,536
They're back for the winter.
271
00:19:30,695 --> 00:19:33,164
They're at their home in South Beach.
272
00:19:33,322 --> 00:19:34,699
Is that like Palm Beach?
273
00:19:34,865 --> 00:19:39,416
It's close. It's about two minutes
from where Jeb Bush lives.
274
00:19:39,579 --> 00:19:42,253
Really?
275
00:19:59,515 --> 00:20:00,562
Ah-ha!
276
00:20:00,725 --> 00:20:02,443
- Wait.
- Who is he?
277
00:20:02,602 --> 00:20:05,025
Who? Where's your little chippie?
278
00:20:05,187 --> 00:20:08,282
Will you stop screaming?
It's Val.
279
00:20:09,025 --> 00:20:10,322
Val?
280
00:20:11,319 --> 00:20:13,868
He's asleep in his room
if you don't believe me.
281
00:20:16,616 --> 00:20:18,118
Why didn't you tell me?
282
00:20:18,284 --> 00:20:19,877
Surprise.
283
00:21:01,952 --> 00:21:04,876
- Mornin', Albert.
- Good morning!
284
00:21:08,876 --> 00:21:10,093
What beautiful flowers!
285
00:21:10,252 --> 00:21:13,256
- Morning, Albert.
- Good morning.
286
00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:19,263
We have nice, fresh lobster
this morning, Albert.
287
00:21:20,179 --> 00:21:24,275
No, thank you, Mr. Lopez.
Not today. The piglet is home.
288
00:21:25,643 --> 00:21:27,111
You want the cake delivered?
289
00:21:27,269 --> 00:21:32,025
Yes, please. And remember to write
"To my Piglet, from his Auntie" on it.
290
00:21:32,191 --> 00:21:33,192
You got it.
291
00:21:33,359 --> 00:21:37,455
Thank you, Mr. Boynton.
I want to get back before he wakes up.
292
00:21:37,613 --> 00:21:39,911
I'll just try this sample.
293
00:21:40,074 --> 00:21:41,747
Chocolate schnecken.
294
00:21:45,079 --> 00:21:47,047
A triumph. Well, bye-bye.
295
00:21:48,374 --> 00:21:53,255
Perhaps one more schnecken. Do you
mind? When the schnecken beckons...
296
00:21:55,506 --> 00:21:57,133
- Good morning.
- Not yet.
297
00:22:01,262 --> 00:22:02,730
What is this, sludge?
298
00:22:02,888 --> 00:22:05,767
Yes. I thought it would make
a nice change from coffee.
299
00:22:07,101 --> 00:22:10,321
Why don't you tell me
Val was coming, you bad man?
300
00:22:10,479 --> 00:22:13,107
I would not have been
so sassy to you.
301
00:22:13,274 --> 00:22:15,322
Will you put some clothes on?
302
00:22:15,484 --> 00:22:17,828
Why don't you let me
be in the show?
303
00:22:17,987 --> 00:22:20,661
Are you afraid
of my Guatemalanness?
304
00:22:20,823 --> 00:22:21,824
Your what?
305
00:22:21,991 --> 00:22:24,369
My Guatemalanness.
My natural heat.
306
00:22:24,535 --> 00:22:26,287
You're afraid I'm too primitive
307
00:22:26,454 --> 00:22:30,004
to perform with your
little estrogen Rockettes.
308
00:22:30,166 --> 00:22:32,385
You're right.
I'm afraid of your heat.
309
00:22:32,543 --> 00:22:33,669
Here I am.
310
00:22:33,836 --> 00:22:36,510
The bag lady.
Good morning, Agador.
311
00:22:38,007 --> 00:22:41,056
Wash those, will you? They're
delivering the rest around noon.
312
00:22:41,218 --> 00:22:42,595
Good morning.
313
00:22:43,429 --> 00:22:44,851
My God, that beard!
314
00:22:45,931 --> 00:22:48,229
- Here you go.
- Thank you, dear.
315
00:22:52,062 --> 00:22:54,281
Turkish coffee.
Delicious.
316
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:55,487
See?
317
00:22:55,900 --> 00:22:57,652
- Is Val still asleep?
- Mmm-hmm.
318
00:22:57,818 --> 00:23:02,244
He must be exhausted, poor baby.
You should have told me he was coming.
319
00:23:02,406 --> 00:23:06,036
I'm so ashamed of how I acted.
But how could I know?
320
00:23:07,036 --> 00:23:11,667
The truth is, you hate sharing your son
with me. You're always pushing me away.
321
00:23:11,832 --> 00:23:17,430
Oh, will you look at this shin?
It's a rag!
322
00:23:17,588 --> 00:23:21,638
No matter how many shirts I send him,
he only wears this one.
323
00:23:21,801 --> 00:23:24,179
You look awful.
What's wrong?
324
00:23:24,345 --> 00:23:25,688
Val's getting married.
325
00:23:25,846 --> 00:23:28,770
Don't be silly.
I got pork roast for dinner.
326
00:23:28,933 --> 00:23:32,858
I wanted to get fillet mignons,
but they're so expensive.
327
00:23:34,021 --> 00:23:35,648
What do you mean, married?
328
00:23:35,815 --> 00:23:37,317
You know what I mean.
329
00:23:38,526 --> 00:23:41,120
- I don't understand.
- Yes, you do.
330
00:23:43,489 --> 00:23:45,332
To some girl he met at school.
331
00:23:45,491 --> 00:23:48,745
Oh, no! Oh, but...
332
00:23:49,745 --> 00:23:53,215
He's just a baby.
He'll ruin his life!
333
00:23:53,374 --> 00:23:55,968
We've been all
through that, okay?
334
00:23:56,126 --> 00:24:00,848
He's getting married, no matter what
we say. The less said, the better.
335
00:24:01,006 --> 00:24:02,474
Oh, my God.
336
00:24:05,386 --> 00:24:07,263
I woke up feeling so good.
337
00:24:08,973 --> 00:24:11,101
Now, all of a sudden, I feel...
338
00:24:11,267 --> 00:24:13,065
...so funny.
339
00:24:13,227 --> 00:24:16,697
Just breathe.
Let it go.
340
00:24:16,856 --> 00:24:18,233
Oh, you've heard.
341
00:24:18,399 --> 00:24:23,451
Oh, Value! Oh, my God,
this ¡s such a shock.
342
00:24:23,612 --> 00:24:26,081
I'm not saying anything.
I promised your father.
343
00:24:27,658 --> 00:24:30,832
But at 20, if you throw yourself
away on some dormitory slut,
344
00:24:30,995 --> 00:24:35,375
you'll be sorry the rest of your life.
There! Enough said. Subject closed.
345
00:24:35,541 --> 00:24:36,588
Hey, hey!
346
00:24:37,293 --> 00:24:40,422
Well, don't just stand there.
Give me a kiss!
347
00:24:40,588 --> 00:24:43,262
Or are you too grown-up
for that now?
348
00:24:44,425 --> 00:24:45,472
Hello, Albie.
349
00:24:47,553 --> 00:24:52,309
Oh, Armand, our baby is going to leave
us. And we won't have any others.
350
00:24:52,474 --> 00:24:54,351
Not without a miracle.
351
00:24:55,185 --> 00:24:59,736
When Senator Keeley and I founded
the Coalition for Moral Order,
352
00:24:59,899 --> 00:25:03,995
it was to express moral,
rather than political, views.
353
00:25:04,153 --> 00:25:06,952
What Senator Jackson
is trying to say is that
354
00:25:07,114 --> 00:25:09,037
morality is political.
355
00:25:09,199 --> 00:25:12,248
Abortion, same-sex marriage...
356
00:25:12,411 --> 00:25:14,084
It's a wonderful show.
357
00:25:14,538 --> 00:25:16,757
The most intelligent one
on television.
358
00:25:16,916 --> 00:25:18,213
Pornography would not exist
359
00:25:18,375 --> 00:25:21,504
if politicians didn't
make laws to protect them.
360
00:25:21,670 --> 00:25:24,890
That's why both houses
are now Republican.
361
00:25:27,384 --> 00:25:28,681
It's the perfect platform.
362
00:25:28,844 --> 00:25:34,146
I'm glad I got on Jackson's bandwagon
instead of Dole. Dole is just too...
363
00:25:34,308 --> 00:25:35,434
Dark.
364
00:25:35,601 --> 00:25:38,150
I was going to say liberal,
but he's dark, too.
365
00:25:38,312 --> 00:25:40,030
I gotta fire this woman.
366
00:25:40,189 --> 00:25:42,908
This young man Barbie
wants to marry...
367
00:25:43,067 --> 00:25:44,990
Miss Porter, page two,
368
00:25:45,152 --> 00:25:48,031
paragraph two,
it's "porno," not "pronto."
369
00:25:48,197 --> 00:25:53,203
I wonder if he's old money.
I mean, a cultural attaché.
370
00:25:53,369 --> 00:25:57,374
Your campaign manager is calling.
He says he's got to talk to you.
371
00:25:57,539 --> 00:25:59,212
Thank you, Bridget.
372
00:26:09,635 --> 00:26:10,852
Hello, Ben.
373
00:26:12,471 --> 00:26:13,939
Ready for what?
374
00:26:15,599 --> 00:26:16,646
What?
375
00:26:16,809 --> 00:26:18,231
What's wrong, Kevin?
376
00:26:18,519 --> 00:26:19,771
Jackson's dead.
377
00:26:19,937 --> 00:26:21,154
Oh, my God.
378
00:26:21,313 --> 00:26:23,611
He died in bed?
Whose bed?
379
00:26:24,525 --> 00:26:26,072
A prostitute?
380
00:26:27,111 --> 00:26:29,455
A minor?
And black?
381
00:26:30,531 --> 00:26:35,002
I don't believe this. I don't
fucking believe this! I'm ruined!
382
00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:40,667
You cannot be held responsible
for Senator Jackson's private life.
383
00:26:40,833 --> 00:26:43,803
I'm the Vice President of the
Coalition for Moral Order.
384
00:26:43,961 --> 00:26:47,841
My co-founder just died in the bed
of an underage black whore!
385
00:26:48,007 --> 00:26:50,430
Wait until the media finds out!
386
00:26:50,592 --> 00:26:51,639
Bridget!
387
00:26:52,678 --> 00:26:54,646
I could really use some candy!
388
00:26:54,805 --> 00:26:56,307
You want one of these?
389
00:26:56,473 --> 00:26:57,645
Oh, this.
390
00:26:59,268 --> 00:27:01,566
My baby.
391
00:27:01,729 --> 00:27:05,484
♪ Why does it seem
392
00:27:05,649 --> 00:27:10,029
♪ So real to me?
393
00:27:12,489 --> 00:27:15,083
Albert, you're driving me crazy.
394
00:27:15,242 --> 00:27:17,495
I know, but...
395
00:27:20,664 --> 00:27:23,508
Penmanship award.
396
00:27:25,502 --> 00:27:27,755
There's the bar mitzvah.
397
00:27:29,882 --> 00:27:33,102
Time passes so quickly.
398
00:27:33,260 --> 00:27:38,016
Well, he looked kind of funny,
but he was smiling, so I didn't worry.
399
00:27:38,182 --> 00:27:40,276
How do they get them on so quickly?
400
00:27:40,434 --> 00:27:42,562
They pay.
401
00:27:42,728 --> 00:27:44,605
They're not mentioning you much.
402
00:27:45,272 --> 00:27:46,990
It's early.
403
00:27:47,149 --> 00:27:50,824
Senator Jackson's last
words tonight on Inside Edition.
404
00:27:50,986 --> 00:27:54,160
Can you get a good
shot of the house?
405
00:27:54,323 --> 00:27:57,543
We may not make the live shot.
If we must, I'll do a stand-up.
406
00:27:57,701 --> 00:27:58,998
"He looked kind of funny..."
407
00:27:59,161 --> 00:28:01,914
"...but he was smiling,
so I didn't worry."
408
00:28:03,207 --> 00:28:07,087
Yeah, we got a good spot. I don't know
if he's going to... Excuse me.
409
00:28:07,252 --> 00:28:12,509
Why don't you set up there? Figure
you'll get part of the house and me...
410
00:28:13,050 --> 00:28:14,552
I don't know if he'll come out.
411
00:28:18,639 --> 00:28:20,232
Where's Dad?
412
00:28:21,016 --> 00:28:25,066
He snuck out to meet with his advisers.
They wouldn't come here.
413
00:28:25,229 --> 00:28:27,948
I shouldn't have let him go.
How will he get back in?
414
00:28:29,817 --> 00:28:30,864
Mom?
415
00:28:33,487 --> 00:28:38,163
Mom, I have something to tell
you about Val's parents.
416
00:28:38,742 --> 00:28:40,870
They can't blame us for this.
417
00:28:41,078 --> 00:28:44,457
Eli Jackson was a common redneck.
We never saw him socially.
418
00:28:44,623 --> 00:28:48,719
They can understand that, can't they?
Thank goodness they're not snobs.
419
00:28:48,877 --> 00:28:50,800
Oh!
420
00:28:59,888 --> 00:29:01,640
What are you doing here?
421
00:29:01,849 --> 00:29:04,978
I came through the orchard,
over the barn.
422
00:29:05,477 --> 00:29:07,229
You could have fallen.
423
00:29:07,396 --> 00:29:11,651
I did! I'm a wreck. This thing
is all anyone can talk about.
424
00:29:12,776 --> 00:29:15,825
Kevin?
There may be a solution.
425
00:29:15,988 --> 00:29:18,992
What, death?
It didn't work for Jackson.
426
00:29:20,075 --> 00:29:24,000
What about a wedding?
A big, white wedding.
427
00:29:24,163 --> 00:29:27,212
What wedding?
Who's getting married?
428
00:29:27,374 --> 00:29:28,717
No, no!
429
00:29:28,876 --> 00:29:32,221
Why not?
It would restore your image.
430
00:29:32,379 --> 00:29:38,182
A wedding is hope. And a white wedding
is family and morality and tradition.
431
00:29:38,343 --> 00:29:40,471
And it would be such
a special marriage.
432
00:29:41,513 --> 00:29:46,235
The son of a cultural attaché,
a sort of a diplomat, really,
433
00:29:46,393 --> 00:29:49,613
who doesn't look down on us
because of Senator Jackson,
434
00:29:49,771 --> 00:29:54,572
willingly joining our family. It'd mean
the cover of People, Time and Newsweek.
435
00:29:54,735 --> 00:29:58,160
Love and optimism
versus cynicism and sex!
436
00:29:58,322 --> 00:30:03,123
It would be an affirmation! We could get
the Pope's blessing. It's not hard.
437
00:30:03,285 --> 00:30:08,462
No, he's too controversial.
What about Billy Graham?
438
00:30:08,624 --> 00:30:09,716
No, he's too liberal.
439
00:30:09,875 --> 00:30:11,092
Where's the candy?
440
00:30:11,251 --> 00:30:12,673
You've had enough candy.
441
00:30:13,128 --> 00:30:15,881
This boy... what's his father's name?
442
00:30:16,048 --> 00:30:18,471
Armand... Coleman.
443
00:30:18,634 --> 00:30:22,389
I wonder if they're
related to Tish and Bobo Coleman.
444
00:30:22,554 --> 00:30:24,602
- Are they from Boston?
- I don't think so.
445
00:30:24,765 --> 00:30:28,395
I think we should go to South Beach.
We should have dinner...
446
00:30:31,104 --> 00:30:33,698
We'll have dinner with them
and stay with the Bushes.
447
00:30:33,857 --> 00:30:39,409
Mr. and Mrs. Armand Coleman
of Greece and South Beach.
448
00:30:57,256 --> 00:31:02,558
♪ What is this dream I see?
449
00:31:02,719 --> 00:31:06,599
♪ Why does it seem so real
450
00:31:06,765 --> 00:31:08,813
♪ To me?
451
00:31:08,976 --> 00:31:13,527
♪ What if this dream turns out to be
452
00:31:13,689 --> 00:31:16,909
♪ More than a dream?
453
00:31:17,526 --> 00:31:20,200
Fairy dust, fairy dust, fairy dust.
454
00:31:22,823 --> 00:31:26,578
♪ Come, little dream and play
455
00:31:28,203 --> 00:31:30,171
♪ Don't be afraid
456
00:31:30,330 --> 00:31:33,425
♪ Don't fade away
457
00:31:33,583 --> 00:31:35,961
♪ Quick, little dream
458
00:31:36,128 --> 00:31:38,881
♪ Before you're gone
459
00:31:39,047 --> 00:31:42,347
♪ Let's get it on
460
00:31:43,135 --> 00:31:44,307
♪ You... Oh!
461
00:31:44,469 --> 00:31:46,437
I saw that.
462
00:31:46,596 --> 00:31:49,395
Well, this is impossible.
Either I'm an artist
463
00:31:49,558 --> 00:31:53,233
or I'm just some cheap drag queen
trying to get laughs.
464
00:31:53,395 --> 00:31:54,756
Let's just get through it.
465
00:31:54,855 --> 00:31:58,029
I have to understand
every nuance of a song.
466
00:31:58,191 --> 00:32:02,742
I have to give my all. Everyone else can
just "get through it." He's chewing gum.
467
00:32:02,988 --> 00:32:04,456
Chewing gum helps me think.
468
00:32:04,614 --> 00:32:06,616
Sweetie, you're wasting your gum.
469
00:32:06,783 --> 00:32:09,707
Let's keep going.
And no more talking... from anyone.
470
00:32:09,870 --> 00:32:11,292
- I need to talk to you.
- Sit.
471
00:32:11,455 --> 00:32:14,174
- It's important.
- Quiet. He's rehearsing.
472
00:32:14,833 --> 00:32:17,427
♪ And I the dreamer
473
00:32:17,586 --> 00:32:21,011
♪ Each night anew
474
00:32:23,008 --> 00:32:25,682
♪ Tell me, my dream
475
00:32:25,844 --> 00:32:28,222
♪ Are you a dreamer, too?
476
00:32:28,388 --> 00:32:29,640
What is it?
477
00:32:29,806 --> 00:32:33,902
- Can you come upstairs with me?
- No. Not right now.
478
00:32:37,814 --> 00:32:40,408
Did you see what he just did?
Hello, Vallie, darling.
479
00:32:40,567 --> 00:32:43,992
- What did he do?
- He blew a bubble.
480
00:32:44,154 --> 00:32:46,248
He can't do that while I'm singing!
481
00:32:46,406 --> 00:32:48,249
Celsius, look, this may
be a drag show,
482
00:32:48,408 --> 00:32:52,413
but it still has be a good drag show.
If possible, a great one.
483
00:32:52,579 --> 00:32:53,900
Just because you're
22 and hung...
484
00:32:54,039 --> 00:32:55,256
I'll do this, Albert.
485
00:32:55,415 --> 00:32:57,463
- You're the director.
- Thank you.
486
00:32:58,293 --> 00:33:01,297
This is a complex number,
full of mythic themes.
487
00:33:01,463 --> 00:33:03,932
The woman who is singing
invented you.
488
00:33:04,091 --> 00:33:07,095
You are her fantasy. Suddenly,
489
00:33:07,260 --> 00:33:12,391
you, the fantasy, see her, your
inventor, and she becomes your fantasy.
490
00:33:13,809 --> 00:33:16,608
- I don't get it.
- Try more gum.
491
00:33:16,770 --> 00:33:18,022
- Albert.
- I hear you.
492
00:33:18,188 --> 00:33:19,940
Thank you. I know you do.
493
00:33:20,899 --> 00:33:24,199
Celsius, let's
start with the premise
494
00:33:24,361 --> 00:33:27,740
that when you see this stunning,
smoldering creature,
495
00:33:27,906 --> 00:33:31,661
she transcends your desire to chew.
She electrifies you!
496
00:33:31,827 --> 00:33:35,377
Something starts in your pelvis
and goes to your heart,
497
00:33:35,539 --> 00:33:38,213
where it becomes heart/pelvis.
498
00:33:38,375 --> 00:33:40,719
- Pop?
- Yes? Coming!
499
00:33:40,877 --> 00:33:42,971
What do I do?
Stand here like an object?
500
00:33:43,130 --> 00:33:45,974
No. You do an eclectic
celebration of the dance!
501
00:33:46,133 --> 00:33:50,730
You do Fosse, Fosse, Fosse! Or Martha
Graham, Martha Graham, Martha Graham!
502
00:33:50,887 --> 00:33:56,018
Or Twyla, Twyla, Twyla! Or Michael
Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd!
503
00:33:56,184 --> 00:33:59,484
Or Madonna, Madonna, Madonna!
But you keep it all inside.
504
00:34:00,397 --> 00:34:04,118
Work on that. I'll be right back.
It's looking wonderful.
505
00:34:05,152 --> 00:34:06,513
Barbara's coming with her parents.
506
00:34:06,653 --> 00:34:08,576
- When?
- Tomorrow.
507
00:34:08,738 --> 00:34:10,411
That's plenty of time.
508
00:34:10,574 --> 00:34:13,327
There's more. There's a lot more.
509
00:34:17,747 --> 00:34:18,794
Wine?
510
00:34:19,082 --> 00:34:22,712
No. Let's hear it.
I have to get back to rehearsal.
511
00:34:26,715 --> 00:34:31,186
Dad, Barbara's father is a senator,
a conservative senator.
512
00:34:31,344 --> 00:34:35,099
He's running for re-election.
And she told him...
513
00:34:38,059 --> 00:34:41,313
...you're the cultural attache to
Greece and Albert is a housewife.
514
00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:43,027
What?
515
00:34:44,691 --> 00:34:47,695
She had to. He founded
the Coalition for Moral Order.
516
00:34:47,861 --> 00:34:50,910
I don't care who he is.
I don't want to be someone else.
517
00:34:51,072 --> 00:34:52,619
Do you want me to be?
518
00:34:52,782 --> 00:34:56,537
No, no. Of course not.
And neither does she. But...
519
00:34:58,205 --> 00:34:59,752
Dad, he's Kevin Keeley.
520
00:34:59,915 --> 00:35:01,758
Who's Kevin Keeley?
521
00:35:02,667 --> 00:35:03,964
Do you ever read the newspapers?
522
00:35:04,127 --> 00:35:08,633
Of course. Variety, the Arts and Leisure
section of the Times...
523
00:35:08,798 --> 00:35:11,893
What don't I know?
Are you marrying some Nazi?
524
00:35:12,052 --> 00:35:16,023
No. He's conservative,
like half of America is conservative.
525
00:35:16,181 --> 00:35:18,400
And I'm marrying her, not him.
526
00:35:18,558 --> 00:35:20,936
- I need your help.
- Not for this.
527
00:35:21,102 --> 00:35:25,073
- You've done it before.
- Lied about who I am? Never.
528
00:35:25,232 --> 00:35:27,701
When I started Edison Park,
remember what you said?
529
00:35:27,859 --> 00:35:28,951
No.
530
00:35:29,110 --> 00:35:32,990
You said if Miss Donovan asked,
I should say you were a businessman.
531
00:35:34,324 --> 00:35:36,918
You were a baby, and she was
a small-minded idiot.
532
00:35:37,077 --> 00:35:38,704
I didn't want you to get hurt.
533
00:35:39,621 --> 00:35:41,999
It's different now.
You're a man.
534
00:35:42,165 --> 00:35:43,667
I can still get hurt.
535
00:35:45,252 --> 00:35:49,052
It would mean everything to
me if you would help us.
536
00:35:49,214 --> 00:35:51,342
It's just for one night.
537
00:35:52,384 --> 00:35:56,434
This is insane.
What do I do, close the club
538
00:35:56,596 --> 00:36:00,066
so I can pretend to be a cultural
attache, whatever that is?
539
00:36:00,225 --> 00:36:04,401
And what about Albert? How do you make
Albert into a housewife?
540
00:36:04,563 --> 00:36:06,361
Well, you'd have to
send him away.
541
00:36:06,523 --> 00:36:08,651
Are you nuts?
You try sending Albert away.
542
00:36:08,817 --> 00:36:13,573
We'd never get him past the Keeleys.
Dad, we have to rid of a few things.
543
00:36:13,738 --> 00:36:15,615
What things?
544
00:36:15,782 --> 00:36:18,752
Well, that, for example.
545
00:36:18,910 --> 00:36:20,958
Neptune?
That's a classic.
546
00:36:22,497 --> 00:36:23,999
And this.
547
00:36:24,165 --> 00:36:25,963
The Kirby?
That's art!
548
00:36:26,126 --> 00:36:28,299
And how about that?
549
00:36:35,343 --> 00:36:36,560
That better?
550
00:36:47,397 --> 00:36:50,150
Look, it's not just
one or two things, okay?
551
00:36:50,317 --> 00:36:52,570
It's everything.
552
00:36:53,486 --> 00:36:56,330
We're gonna have to tone
this down a little.
553
00:36:56,489 --> 00:36:59,117
Just make it a bit more
like other people's homes.
554
00:36:59,284 --> 00:37:04,711
I see. So we need a total redecoration,
so we can be more like other people.
555
00:37:05,415 --> 00:37:08,339
And you're going to
have to try to,
556
00:37:08,501 --> 00:37:12,096
you know, change your
mannerisms a little.
557
00:37:12,255 --> 00:37:15,850
- What are you saying?
- Just be a little less obvious.
558
00:37:16,009 --> 00:37:17,261
I'm obvious?
559
00:37:18,303 --> 00:37:19,520
Pop...
560
00:37:30,315 --> 00:37:32,864
I just had the walls
sponge-painted, Val.
561
00:37:35,236 --> 00:37:39,582
You better come downstairs.
She's trying to take his gum away.
562
00:37:41,951 --> 00:37:43,373
I'll be right down.
563
00:37:46,998 --> 00:37:51,799
Yes, I wear foundation.
Yes, I live with a man.
564
00:37:51,961 --> 00:37:54,339
Yes, I'm a middle-aged fag.
565
00:37:54,506 --> 00:37:58,306
But I know who I am, Val.
It took me 20 years to get here.
566
00:37:58,468 --> 00:38:01,517
I won't let some
idiot senator destroy that.
567
00:38:01,680 --> 00:38:04,775
Fuck the Senator.
I don't give a damn what he thinks.
568
00:38:13,233 --> 00:38:15,313
We're still outside the home
of Senator Kevin Keeley,
569
00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:17,704
co-founder of the Coalition...
570
00:38:18,655 --> 00:38:22,785
...waiting for Senator Jackson's
colleague, Senator Kevin Keeley.
571
00:38:22,951 --> 00:38:26,455
At this point, we don't know
if the Senator is at home...
572
00:38:26,621 --> 00:38:30,876
Earlier reports placed him
at the home of Senator Robert Dole.
573
00:38:32,335 --> 00:38:34,588
We're here at what
they're calling Camp Keeley,
574
00:38:34,754 --> 00:38:37,382
waiting for the Senator to appear.
575
00:38:37,549 --> 00:38:40,803
The Senator was co-founder
of the Coalition for Moral Order
576
00:38:40,969 --> 00:38:42,971
with Senator Eli Jackson.
577
00:38:43,138 --> 00:38:46,312
The Senator has been besieged here,
outside his palatial estate...
578
00:38:47,642 --> 00:38:53,149
...by a virtual army of media, waiting
for his comment on the events of late.
579
00:38:59,404 --> 00:39:01,077
Where you driving him?
580
00:39:02,365 --> 00:39:04,038
South Beach, Florida.
581
00:39:08,913 --> 00:39:12,918
There have been a lot of
tasteless jokes going around
582
00:39:13,084 --> 00:39:15,928
about the death
of Senator Jackson.
583
00:39:16,087 --> 00:39:17,680
And here's another one.
584
00:39:17,839 --> 00:39:19,807
Join Jay on
The Tonight Show
585
00:39:19,966 --> 00:39:22,719
with guests Yassir Arafat
and Kate Moss.
586
00:39:22,886 --> 00:39:24,388
This is unbearable.
587
00:39:35,023 --> 00:39:37,117
Kevin, no!
588
00:39:37,275 --> 00:39:40,324
I'm going down the ladder.
I can't face the press.
589
00:39:40,487 --> 00:39:43,582
Have the chauffeur
pick me up by the orchard.
590
00:39:43,740 --> 00:39:45,834
No! I don't want
to go out there alone!
591
00:39:45,992 --> 00:39:49,792
Barbara will be with you.
It's not you they're after.
592
00:39:51,206 --> 00:39:52,253
Daddy!
593
00:39:52,415 --> 00:39:55,168
Shush!
I'm going the back way.
594
00:39:55,335 --> 00:39:59,135
What about your announcing Barbara's
wedding to the Coleman boy?
595
00:39:59,297 --> 00:40:02,141
Wait till we meet them.
What if they change their mind?
596
00:40:02,300 --> 00:40:04,974
Let go of my coat.
I'll meet you in the car.
597
00:40:12,310 --> 00:40:16,190
- He's leaving his home.
- Senator Keeley!
598
00:40:16,356 --> 00:40:19,030
Senator, will this cost you votes?
599
00:40:19,192 --> 00:40:21,069
What's the future of the Coalition?
600
00:40:23,279 --> 00:40:26,032
What about the rumors Senator
Jackson was on lithium?
601
00:40:26,199 --> 00:40:29,499
Uh, gentlemen... and ladies,
602
00:40:29,661 --> 00:40:32,210
I am, as are all my colleagues,
603
00:40:32,372 --> 00:40:37,720
Republican and Democrat,
liberal and conservative alike,
604
00:40:37,877 --> 00:40:40,847
stunned and saddened
by the circumstances surrounding
605
00:40:41,005 --> 00:40:45,761
the death of Senator Jackson,
as well as the death itself.
606
00:40:47,470 --> 00:40:49,723
My family and I are leaving
town for a few days,
607
00:40:49,889 --> 00:40:53,484
uh, for reasons that I cannot, uh...
608
00:40:53,643 --> 00:40:56,066
...to, um, plan an event.
609
00:40:56,229 --> 00:41:00,325
An event which, uh,
I cannot, uh...
610
00:41:00,984 --> 00:41:03,157
...which may perhaps
heal some of the...
611
00:41:03,319 --> 00:41:06,664
...bad, uh, things, that...
612
00:41:06,823 --> 00:41:11,499
...Senator Jackson's demise
has made us all... feel.
613
00:41:11,661 --> 00:41:14,130
Where are you going, Senator?
614
00:41:14,289 --> 00:41:18,840
Where? To our farm. That's all
I'm going to say at this time.
615
00:41:19,002 --> 00:41:22,848
- Did you know the girl?
- Where is the farm?
616
00:42:15,558 --> 00:42:18,732
Agador?
Goddamn it.
617
00:42:18,895 --> 00:42:20,397
What did I do?
618
00:42:20,563 --> 00:42:24,784
We're redoing the apartment
for tomorrow night. Goddamn it.
619
00:42:24,943 --> 00:42:27,787
This is for the in-laws, right?
620
00:42:27,946 --> 00:42:32,326
Right. We gotta get rid of everything
that's over the top.
621
00:42:33,576 --> 00:42:34,623
That's a lot.
622
00:42:35,620 --> 00:42:38,669
You'll have to get a uniform
and dress like a butler.
623
00:42:38,831 --> 00:42:41,129
No. I'm gonna look like a fag.
624
00:42:41,292 --> 00:42:44,296
But you'll look like
a fag in a uniform.
625
00:42:44,462 --> 00:42:45,702
Don't ask, don't tell.
626
00:42:45,838 --> 00:42:49,012
Stan tomorrow morning.
I'll get Albert out early.
627
00:42:49,175 --> 00:42:50,677
Where will
I get a uniform?
628
00:42:50,843 --> 00:42:53,517
I'll say, "Albert,
you must go away for a few days."
629
00:42:53,680 --> 00:42:55,603
- Ay, Dio.
- It'll be hard.
630
00:42:55,765 --> 00:42:58,268
I got so much to do.
631
00:42:59,060 --> 00:43:00,061
Pop.
632
00:43:02,146 --> 00:43:03,944
Thank you.
633
00:43:04,107 --> 00:43:08,362
Do me a favor, Val.
Don't talk to me for a while.
634
00:43:23,209 --> 00:43:25,553
Kevin, please,
let's charter a plane.
635
00:43:25,712 --> 00:43:31,139
No. We can't get out of the car. Once
we get out of the car, we'll be spotted.
636
00:43:52,030 --> 00:43:53,907
Howl love the sun.
637
00:43:54,073 --> 00:43:56,246
Yes, it's glorious, isn't it?
638
00:43:56,409 --> 00:44:01,757
You know, you could use some more sun.
Take a few days off. You look tired.
639
00:44:02,331 --> 00:44:04,459
What do you mean?
640
00:44:04,625 --> 00:44:05,922
Nothing.
641
00:44:18,765 --> 00:44:21,018
Don't kill yourselves.
642
00:44:21,184 --> 00:44:22,527
Who put Playboy in the bathroom?
643
00:44:22,685 --> 00:44:24,608
It's what they read.
644
00:44:26,189 --> 00:44:28,487
Don't add. Just subtract.
645
00:44:28,649 --> 00:44:32,825
Please hurry. This place
has to look respectable by six.
646
00:44:32,987 --> 00:44:34,739
Cyril, that's too short.
647
00:44:34,906 --> 00:44:38,035
I want that nice Armani
break in the front.
648
00:44:39,452 --> 00:44:44,083
But don't just pull it. Do it down
there. I got highwaters here.
649
00:44:46,084 --> 00:44:47,085
That's it.
650
00:44:47,251 --> 00:44:51,256
- But you must have meant something.
- I meant you looked tired.
651
00:44:51,422 --> 00:44:54,801
Tired means old. "You look tired"
means "you look old."
652
00:44:54,967 --> 00:44:56,890
"You look rested"
means you had collagen.
653
00:44:57,053 --> 00:45:00,057
You look wonderful.
Let's go window shopping.
654
00:45:00,223 --> 00:45:01,975
No, I want to go home.
655
00:45:02,141 --> 00:45:05,486
On a day like this?
I'll buy you anything you want.
656
00:45:05,645 --> 00:45:08,398
Anything?
I'll have to change my shoes.
657
00:45:08,564 --> 00:45:10,032
I'll buy you some.
- I need peds.
658
00:45:10,191 --> 00:45:13,161
- I'll buy you sandals.
- Armand! What's going on?
659
00:45:13,319 --> 00:45:18,325
- Why can't we go home?
- Nothing. Nothing.
660
00:45:18,491 --> 00:45:19,788
Then I'll see you upstairs.
661
00:45:21,786 --> 00:45:22,833
What?!
662
00:45:23,371 --> 00:45:25,544
- I hurt my thing.
- Your what?
663
00:45:25,706 --> 00:45:29,552
My ankle. I don't think
I can make it upstairs.
664
00:45:29,710 --> 00:45:32,008
- I'll bring down some ice.
- No, no!
665
00:45:32,171 --> 00:45:35,391
Why not?!
Ow, my arm!
666
00:45:35,550 --> 00:45:38,474
My arm. I hate it
when you get hysterical.
667
00:45:38,636 --> 00:45:39,853
Don't leave me!
668
00:45:42,890 --> 00:45:44,563
What is that?
669
00:45:45,518 --> 00:45:48,488
I got it from the antique store
next door. Too butch?
670
00:45:48,646 --> 00:45:50,865
Don't add.
671
00:45:51,023 --> 00:45:53,196
Albert,
you're blocking my way.
672
00:45:53,359 --> 00:45:55,327
Put the moose on the patio.
673
00:45:57,155 --> 00:46:00,204
Don't be such a baby.
Be careful!
674
00:46:00,366 --> 00:46:02,994
- I can't move any faster.
- Lean on me.
675
00:46:03,161 --> 00:46:04,287
I need a doctor.
676
00:46:04,787 --> 00:46:07,131
Don't be silly.
It isn't even swollen.
677
00:46:07,290 --> 00:46:09,634
We should go to the emergency room.
678
00:46:09,792 --> 00:46:14,423
You're overreacting. Don't be
such a baby. Just sit down on...
679
00:46:18,092 --> 00:46:19,969
We've been robbed.
680
00:46:20,136 --> 00:46:24,687
Albie, no. I've just taken
a few things out.
681
00:46:24,849 --> 00:46:27,022
They'll be returned
by the time you're back.
682
00:46:27,185 --> 00:46:29,608
Back?
683
00:46:31,355 --> 00:46:32,698
Where am I going?
684
00:46:34,817 --> 00:46:39,288
- You didn't tell him.
- What? Tell me what?
685
00:46:41,574 --> 00:46:45,579
Val's fiancée is coming tonight
with her parents.
686
00:46:45,745 --> 00:46:46,792
We thought...
687
00:46:49,081 --> 00:46:51,550
We thought it would be
better if you weren't here.
688
00:47:00,426 --> 00:47:01,848
I see.
689
00:47:04,722 --> 00:47:07,942
- I see.
- It's just for tonight.
690
00:47:08,100 --> 00:47:10,353
I understand.
Just while people are here.
691
00:47:11,103 --> 00:47:12,901
It's all right, my darling.
692
00:47:13,064 --> 00:47:16,659
It's nothing.
It's painful...
693
00:47:17,777 --> 00:47:19,745
...but it's not important.
694
00:47:21,656 --> 00:47:24,785
- I'm leaving.
- It's just one night, Albert.
695
00:47:24,951 --> 00:47:26,203
The monster...
696
00:47:27,870 --> 00:47:30,623
...the freak is leaving.
697
00:47:32,500 --> 00:47:34,218
You're safe.
698
00:47:44,053 --> 00:47:46,181
That went well.
699
00:47:49,809 --> 00:47:51,026
Albert!
700
00:47:53,396 --> 00:47:55,990
Albert!
Will you listen?
701
00:47:56,148 --> 00:47:59,698
Go away. I hate you!
I never want to see you again.
702
00:48:01,404 --> 00:48:04,248
My heart is breaking.
703
00:48:04,407 --> 00:48:06,876
Please don't cry. It's okay.
You can stay.
704
00:48:07,034 --> 00:48:09,332
I won't stay where
I'm not wanted.
705
00:48:09,495 --> 00:48:12,840
Where I can be thrown out on a whim
without legal rights.
706
00:48:12,999 --> 00:48:14,467
I have the palimony papers.
707
00:48:14,625 --> 00:48:17,344
You're lying again.
This is too much for me.
708
00:48:17,503 --> 00:48:20,006
Too much ugliness, too much pain.
709
00:48:21,465 --> 00:48:23,593
Feel my pulse.
Am I all right?
710
00:48:24,093 --> 00:48:27,393
My goodness, it's very fast.
Let's get you out of the sun.
711
00:48:38,774 --> 00:48:40,617
- Waiter! Water.
- Right away.
712
00:48:40,776 --> 00:48:42,904
It's the end.
I know it is.
713
00:48:43,070 --> 00:48:45,118
No, it isn't. Just breathe.
714
00:48:45,990 --> 00:48:47,867
Thank you, Rodrigo.
And the usual.
715
00:48:48,034 --> 00:48:50,082
Right away, Señor Goldman.
716
00:48:50,453 --> 00:48:52,171
There you go.
717
00:48:52,330 --> 00:48:54,628
Thank you. That's better.
718
00:48:57,168 --> 00:49:01,014
This is not about you.
The girl's parents are assholes.
719
00:49:01,172 --> 00:49:02,515
Val is crazy about you.
720
00:49:02,673 --> 00:49:04,801
Is he? Oh, that helps.
721
00:49:05,509 --> 00:49:07,603
Oh, you're so sweet.
722
00:49:08,971 --> 00:49:10,564
That water is so cool.
723
00:49:12,683 --> 00:49:17,189
Maybe it is a bit much to introduce
me as his mother on the first visit.
724
00:49:17,355 --> 00:49:20,279
Could you say I was a
visiting relative?
725
00:49:20,441 --> 00:49:21,784
Val's uncle? Uncle Al?
726
00:49:21,942 --> 00:49:24,320
What's the point?
To be Val's gay uncle?
727
00:49:24,487 --> 00:49:26,455
I could play it straight.
728
00:49:26,614 --> 00:49:29,333
Oh, please. Look at you,
at how you hold your glass.
729
00:49:29,492 --> 00:49:31,870
Look at your pinky,
your posture.
730
00:49:32,036 --> 00:49:37,133
What about you? You're obviously
not a cultural... whatever it is.
731
00:49:37,291 --> 00:49:39,635
You've never been to a museum
and you eat like a pig.
732
00:49:39,794 --> 00:49:44,721
These conservatives don't care
if you're a pig, just if you're a fag.
733
00:49:51,847 --> 00:49:55,977
Oh, fuck 'em. Of course
you can pass as an uncle.
734
00:49:56,143 --> 00:49:58,817
You're a great performer,
I'm a great director.
735
00:49:58,979 --> 00:50:01,073
Together we can do anything.
736
00:50:01,232 --> 00:50:02,575
Oh, Armand. Really?
737
00:50:02,733 --> 00:50:05,657
Absolutely.
We've got five hours.
738
00:50:05,820 --> 00:50:08,949
First, get your pinky down.
It's up again.
739
00:50:09,990 --> 00:50:11,708
And your posture.
740
00:50:11,867 --> 00:50:15,246
My God! Are you crazy?
What are you doing?
741
00:50:15,413 --> 00:50:18,883
Stop screaming!
I'm teaching you to act like a man.
742
00:50:19,458 --> 00:50:21,552
All right, all right.
743
00:50:21,710 --> 00:50:25,055
It's a dinner party,
let's work with food.
744
00:50:26,048 --> 00:50:28,551
Spread some mustard
on the toast.
745
00:50:30,553 --> 00:50:34,228
Don't use the spoon. And
don't dribble dots of mustard.
746
00:50:34,390 --> 00:50:36,063
You take your knife...
747
00:50:36,767 --> 00:50:40,146
...and you smear.
Men smear.
748
00:50:40,312 --> 00:50:42,531
Smear. Yeah.
749
00:50:45,818 --> 00:50:51,416
Get the goddamn pinky down! Make
your fingers like iron. Stop trembling!
750
00:50:51,574 --> 00:50:54,123
Hold the knife boldly, with strength.
751
00:50:54,285 --> 00:50:56,504
Oh, God!
I pierced the toast!
752
00:50:56,662 --> 00:51:01,509
So what? Just remember not to go
to pieces when that happens.
753
00:51:01,667 --> 00:51:03,920
React like a man, calmly.
754
00:51:04,086 --> 00:51:09,058
You say to yourself, "Albert, you
pierced the toast. So what?"
755
00:51:09,216 --> 00:51:11,810
It's not the end of your life.
756
00:51:11,969 --> 00:51:15,599
"Albert, you pierced the toast.
So what?"
757
00:51:16,807 --> 00:51:19,276
Of course. There's no
need to get hysterical.
758
00:51:19,435 --> 00:51:22,484
All I have to remember is,
I can always get more toast.
759
00:51:22,646 --> 00:51:25,115
That's the spirit.
Let's try walking.
760
00:51:25,274 --> 00:51:29,029
- Holding the sandwich?
- It doesn't matter. Just walk.
761
00:51:31,071 --> 00:51:32,118
Down!
762
00:51:55,763 --> 00:51:56,935
Too swishy?
763
00:51:59,141 --> 00:52:00,893
Let me give you an image.
764
00:52:01,060 --> 00:52:04,564
It's a cliché, but it's an image.
John Wayne.
765
00:52:04,730 --> 00:52:07,529
Oh, God! Couldn't we start
with someone easier?
766
00:52:07,691 --> 00:52:09,443
Come on. You're a big fan.
767
00:52:09,610 --> 00:52:11,533
He has a very distinctive walk.
768
00:52:11,737 --> 00:52:16,083
Very easy to imitate. And if anyone
was a man... Now try it.
769
00:52:16,242 --> 00:52:19,997
Now just get off your horse
and head into the saloon.
770
00:52:24,083 --> 00:52:25,130
Nice touch.
771
00:52:40,933 --> 00:52:42,685
Howdy, ma'am.
772
00:52:50,150 --> 00:52:51,242
No good?
773
00:52:52,570 --> 00:52:56,575
Actually, it's perfect. I never
realized John Wayne walked like that.
774
00:53:13,757 --> 00:53:14,804
Hang on.
775
00:53:19,138 --> 00:53:21,266
This guy's a fucking maniac.
776
00:53:23,434 --> 00:53:24,731
What's in South Beach?
777
00:53:25,603 --> 00:53:29,699
Armand Goldman,
you old so-and-so.
778
00:53:29,857 --> 00:53:31,325
How about those Dolphins?
779
00:53:33,444 --> 00:53:34,866
Screaming queen?
780
00:53:36,363 --> 00:53:40,539
The hand goes sideways, not palm down.
I'm shaking it, not kissing it.
781
00:53:40,701 --> 00:53:41,873
Tighten your wrist.
782
00:53:42,036 --> 00:53:44,835
No, straighten it, then tighten it.
783
00:53:46,123 --> 00:53:48,171
Al, you old so-and-so.
784
00:53:48,334 --> 00:53:50,211
- I just said that.
- Now I'm saying it.
785
00:53:50,377 --> 00:53:52,505
Okay. Straighten, tighten.
786
00:53:59,303 --> 00:54:04,059
Al, you old son of a bitch!
How do you feel about that call today?
787
00:54:04,224 --> 00:54:09,355
The Dolphins, in the fourth on their
30-yard line with only 34 seconds to go.
788
00:54:09,521 --> 00:54:12,741
How do you think I feel?
Betrayed. Bewildered.
789
00:54:14,109 --> 00:54:15,281
Wrong response?
790
00:54:16,403 --> 00:54:18,952
I'm not sure.
Take it from the top.
791
00:54:19,114 --> 00:54:20,411
This is very exciting.
792
00:54:20,574 --> 00:54:23,327
- It is, fella.
- Right on, amigo!
793
00:54:23,494 --> 00:54:24,871
- Damn straight.
- Damn straight!
794
00:54:26,789 --> 00:54:28,757
- Fuckin' A!
- Fuckin' A, right!
795
00:54:30,542 --> 00:54:33,091
Swing that by me again,
little buddy.
796
00:54:33,253 --> 00:54:36,382
- I'm terribly sorry.
- Take it easy.
797
00:54:36,548 --> 00:54:38,346
You take it easy, pilgrim.
798
00:54:38,509 --> 00:54:41,604
- He bumped into me.
- Tough gazongas.
799
00:54:41,762 --> 00:54:43,264
Why are you being a prick?
800
00:54:43,430 --> 00:54:45,558
Why are you being an asshole?
801
00:54:50,396 --> 00:54:52,649
Are you calling me an asshole?
802
00:54:53,524 --> 00:54:56,243
Actually, I'm talking to
the asshole behind you.
803
00:54:59,321 --> 00:55:03,076
See, the swelling's already
gone down. It's nothing.
804
00:55:03,242 --> 00:55:07,372
You were magnificent,
marvelous, very masculine.
805
00:55:07,538 --> 00:55:08,881
I'm so proud of you.
806
00:55:09,039 --> 00:55:11,667
That big gorilla looked ridiculous
when he sat on you
807
00:55:11,834 --> 00:55:15,134
and banged your head on the ground.
He didn't even know how to box!
808
00:55:15,671 --> 00:55:18,174
Thank you, Value.
You're a dear.
809
00:55:19,591 --> 00:55:22,435
I'll get you some more ice.
Be right back, love.
810
00:55:29,727 --> 00:55:34,153
Dad, could we hire a straight maid
for tonight?
811
00:55:34,314 --> 00:55:36,863
There are no straight
maids in South Beach.
812
00:55:38,360 --> 00:55:40,362
And I have more bad news for you.
813
00:55:40,529 --> 00:55:42,406
I told Albert he could stay.
814
00:55:44,324 --> 00:55:46,167
You did what? Why?
815
00:55:46,326 --> 00:55:49,580
Why? Because he told me
his heart was breaking
816
00:55:49,747 --> 00:55:52,421
and he's my friend
and companion.
817
00:55:52,958 --> 00:55:54,460
Who will we say he is?
818
00:55:54,626 --> 00:55:55,878
Your uncle.
819
00:55:56,044 --> 00:55:57,967
My uncle?
820
00:55:58,130 --> 00:56:00,428
Let's just forget
the whole thing.
821
00:56:00,591 --> 00:56:04,721
Don't be so negative!
Have a little hope!
822
00:56:04,887 --> 00:56:08,812
About what? Once they see you
and Albert together...
823
00:56:09,516 --> 00:56:13,521
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
I was feeling so good, and now...
824
00:56:14,354 --> 00:56:16,152
God, what a mess.
825
00:56:16,315 --> 00:56:18,534
We need a woman.
826
00:56:18,692 --> 00:56:21,616
We can pass Albert off as an uncle
if we have a woman as a mother.
827
00:56:21,779 --> 00:56:24,908
Ironic, isn't it?
When you need a woman...
828
00:56:26,200 --> 00:56:28,248
Why don't I ask your mother?
829
00:56:28,660 --> 00:56:31,630
My mother wouldn't do it.
Would she?
830
00:56:31,789 --> 00:56:35,134
- How do we know?
- 'Cause she hasn't seen me in 20 years.
831
00:56:35,292 --> 00:56:40,514
No. 20 years ago, she was
a young girl, scared, broke. Now...
832
00:56:40,672 --> 00:56:42,800
You can't be serious!
833
00:56:43,967 --> 00:56:47,892
It's very unfair of you to try to talk
Val into this. He has every reason...
834
00:56:48,055 --> 00:56:49,477
You think she'd do it?
835
00:56:51,558 --> 00:56:53,060
My mother?
836
00:56:54,770 --> 00:56:57,694
Oh, my God. Armand?
837
00:56:57,856 --> 00:57:01,736
I don't believe it.
It's been 100 years. Where are you?
838
00:57:01,902 --> 00:57:03,950
I'll be there in five minutes.
839
00:57:04,112 --> 00:57:06,114
I can hardly wait.
840
00:57:06,281 --> 00:57:08,409
Me, too. Bye-bye.
841
00:57:10,327 --> 00:57:11,920
She's gonna see me.
842
00:57:13,163 --> 00:57:16,007
Why don't I drop you
off at a café?
843
00:57:16,166 --> 00:57:20,421
No, I'll come up with you.
I'm sure there's a waiting room.
844
00:57:33,725 --> 00:57:37,070
Hello. Katharine Archer, please.
It's Armand Goldman.
845
00:57:37,229 --> 00:57:38,776
Go right in.
846
00:57:38,939 --> 00:57:40,566
Thank you.
847
00:57:44,862 --> 00:57:46,785
Just sit!
848
00:57:48,156 --> 00:57:49,328
Excuse us.
849
00:57:53,912 --> 00:57:55,380
Army Goldman.
850
00:57:55,539 --> 00:57:59,043
Katie Archer.
Or is it Mrs. something?
851
00:57:59,209 --> 00:58:02,839
No. I'm between husbands.
Sit down.
852
00:58:04,548 --> 00:58:07,927
I've thought about
you so many times.
853
00:58:08,093 --> 00:58:12,314
Whenever I saw an ad for The Birdcage.
Are you still with Albert?
854
00:58:12,472 --> 00:58:14,315
Yes, we're still together.
855
00:58:14,474 --> 00:58:16,147
And you...
856
00:58:16,894 --> 00:58:18,612
...you've done well.
857
00:58:18,770 --> 00:58:22,240
The money you gave me
started this place.
858
00:58:22,566 --> 00:58:23,900
You should have
gotten stock for it.
859
00:58:23,901 --> 00:58:26,654
I got Val for it.
It was a fair trade.
860
00:58:27,654 --> 00:58:29,372
Is he...?
861
00:58:30,657 --> 00:58:31,749
How is he?
862
00:58:31,909 --> 00:58:35,038
He's fine.
He wants to get married.
863
00:58:35,203 --> 00:58:36,796
Married? How old is he?
864
00:58:36,955 --> 00:58:39,458
- 20.
- 20?
865
00:58:41,168 --> 00:58:43,045
My God, 20 years.
866
00:58:43,211 --> 00:58:46,590
And today, for the first time,
he really needs you.
867
00:59:03,440 --> 00:59:04,532
Shiny.
868
00:59:08,403 --> 00:59:11,657
Imelda, cancel
my appointments for tonight.
869
00:59:17,496 --> 00:59:22,297
I normally drink vegetable juice
during business hours, but for this...
870
00:59:22,459 --> 00:59:26,930
...let's drink to Senator Keeley's
daughter and our Val.
871
00:59:27,089 --> 00:59:30,184
I haven't done much for him
in the last 20 years.
872
00:59:30,342 --> 00:59:32,515
Don't worry about that.
873
00:59:32,678 --> 00:59:34,146
I'm not exactly maternal.
874
00:59:34,304 --> 00:59:36,477
I am.
875
00:59:37,474 --> 00:59:39,192
I'm very maternal.
876
00:59:39,351 --> 00:59:41,570
And Albert's practically a breast.
877
00:59:49,903 --> 00:59:52,656
Do you remember the show
where we met?
878
00:59:52,823 --> 00:59:54,325
Very well.
879
00:59:54,491 --> 00:59:57,210
♪ Love is in the air
880
00:59:57,369 --> 00:59:58,370
♪ Different kinds
881
00:59:58,537 --> 01:00:01,791
♪ Quite clearly,
people everywhere
882
01:00:01,957 --> 01:00:03,083
♪ Out of their minds
883
01:00:03,250 --> 01:00:05,218
♪ Act queerly...
884
01:00:06,628 --> 01:00:07,675
Wait, wait.
885
01:00:08,714 --> 01:00:11,137
♪ Wives are at their husbands' service
886
01:00:11,299 --> 01:00:14,143
♪ Virgins are distinctly nervous...
887
01:00:14,302 --> 01:00:17,647
♪ Virgins are distinctly nervous
888
01:00:17,806 --> 01:00:22,061
♪ Love is going around ♪
889
01:00:24,438 --> 01:00:25,985
Aye, for the gypsy.
890
01:00:26,148 --> 01:00:27,525
How handsome you were.
891
01:00:27,691 --> 01:00:31,946
How unavailable, and what a body.
892
01:00:32,112 --> 01:00:33,910
You're embarrassing me.
893
01:00:34,072 --> 01:00:37,121
You were so terrified.
It was so sweet.
894
01:00:37,284 --> 01:00:41,755
I nearly died. I walk into my room
and there's a woman in my bed!
895
01:00:41,913 --> 01:00:44,382
I paid the doorman 20 dollars.
896
01:00:44,541 --> 01:00:46,418
20 dollars in those days.
897
01:00:46,585 --> 01:00:49,680
Oh, God.
I thought, "What the hell?"
898
01:00:50,547 --> 01:00:54,268
"I'll try it once and see what those
straight guys are raving about."
899
01:00:56,303 --> 01:00:58,681
- How long did we last?
- I know exactly.
900
01:00:58,847 --> 01:01:01,600
From 2:30 till 3:45 a.m.
Two times.
901
01:01:09,191 --> 01:01:11,740
- ♪ Love is in the air
- ♪ Round and about
902
01:01:11,902 --> 01:01:14,746
♪ This morning, bachelors beware
903
01:01:14,905 --> 01:01:17,328
- ♪ Maidens watch out
- ♪ Fair warning
904
01:01:17,491 --> 01:01:21,667
♪ If you start to feel a tingle
and you like remaining single
905
01:01:21,828 --> 01:01:23,296
♪ Stay... Oh, that's your part.
906
01:01:23,455 --> 01:01:25,628
♪ Stay home Don't take a breath
907
01:01:25,791 --> 01:01:28,920
♪ You could catch your death
908
01:01:29,086 --> 01:01:33,091
♪ 'Cause love is around I
909
01:01:39,721 --> 01:01:41,723
Sorry.
910
01:01:43,475 --> 01:01:47,275
You're in incredible shape.
And you still can dance.
911
01:01:47,437 --> 01:01:49,735
So can you, Armand.
912
01:01:49,898 --> 01:01:51,775
Thank you. That's so cool.
913
01:01:51,942 --> 01:01:56,698
Where did all this hair come from?
Wasn't your chest smooth?
914
01:01:56,863 --> 01:01:59,662
I shaved it for the show.
I wanted to look young.
915
01:01:59,825 --> 01:02:03,125
It's much nicer this way,
much more masculine.
916
01:02:03,286 --> 01:02:05,835
So much hair.
917
01:02:05,997 --> 01:02:07,874
Let me touch it.
918
01:02:08,041 --> 01:02:09,839
What a beautiful chain.
919
01:02:10,001 --> 01:02:14,222
Look how it glitters in that thick,
black nest of hair.
920
01:02:14,381 --> 01:02:15,428
Unbutton your shirt.
921
01:02:15,590 --> 01:02:18,309
- Careful, it's silk.
- Let me touch that chest.
922
01:02:18,468 --> 01:02:20,266
- You'll pull a thread.
- Your beautiful, hairy chest.
923
01:02:20,428 --> 01:02:22,055
Excuse me...
924
01:02:22,222 --> 01:02:23,849
I'm sorry, I couldn't stop him.
925
01:02:24,015 --> 01:02:25,312
Albert?
926
01:03:02,971 --> 01:03:06,066
- Is Albert here?
- No.
927
01:03:06,224 --> 01:03:09,819
Great. Then he's driving back
from Miami at 2O miles an hour
928
01:03:09,978 --> 01:03:13,608
with the parking brake on.
I had to take the bus.
929
01:03:18,570 --> 01:03:19,931
Are we crucifying someone tonight?
930
01:03:20,071 --> 01:03:23,291
You like it? I traded
that stupid moose for it.
931
01:03:23,450 --> 01:03:27,250
And they threw in books.
It all goes back tomorrow.
932
01:03:27,412 --> 01:03:29,255
Dad, is my mother coming?
933
01:03:29,414 --> 01:03:30,836
Yes, she's coming.
934
01:03:32,083 --> 01:03:33,801
Yes. Thank you.
935
01:03:34,419 --> 01:03:37,593
There. You see?
It all worked out.
936
01:03:38,882 --> 01:03:40,884
I'm only here to get
my toothbrush.
937
01:03:41,051 --> 01:03:44,396
Agador, will you?
It's in the usual place.
938
01:03:48,141 --> 01:03:50,769
I would have loved to
see your children.
939
01:03:51,353 --> 01:03:54,698
Why don't you hold the crucifix?
It's the prop for martyrs.
940
01:03:57,525 --> 01:04:02,873
Oh, yes. Another gibe,
another joke at my expense.
941
01:04:03,031 --> 01:04:05,784
You and Katharine were probably
laughing at me, too.
942
01:04:05,951 --> 01:04:10,798
Well, why not? I'm not young.
I'm not new
943
01:04:10,956 --> 01:04:13,630
and everyone laughs at me.
944
01:04:13,792 --> 01:04:16,636
I'm quite aware of
how ridiculous I am.
945
01:04:17,170 --> 01:04:20,720
The only solution is to go
where nobody is ridiculous,
946
01:04:20,882 --> 01:04:22,930
where everyone is equal.
947
01:04:24,552 --> 01:04:25,849
Goodbye, Armand.
948
01:04:26,012 --> 01:04:29,767
Wait, Miss Albert!
Don't forget this.
949
01:04:29,933 --> 01:04:32,152
Listen, I don't want you to go.
950
01:04:32,811 --> 01:04:35,439
My poor,
devoted Agador.
951
01:04:35,730 --> 01:04:39,360
I'm leaving you my stereo...
952
01:04:39,526 --> 01:04:41,369
...my red boots...
- I don't want them.
953
01:04:41,528 --> 01:04:44,372
- ...and my wigs.
- Which wigs?
954
01:04:44,531 --> 01:04:48,001
My best wigs.
I won't need them where I'm going.
955
01:04:49,744 --> 01:04:51,121
Okay, I'll bite.
956
01:04:52,455 --> 01:04:53,832
Where are you going?
957
01:04:53,999 --> 01:04:56,093
To Los Copa.
958
01:04:56,251 --> 01:05:00,597
Los Copa? There isn't anything
in Los Copa but a cemetery.
959
01:05:01,798 --> 01:05:04,802
I know. That's why I'm packing light.
960
01:05:04,968 --> 01:05:06,891
- A Dio.
- I see.
961
01:05:07,053 --> 01:05:11,854
You're going to the cemetery
with your toothbrush. How Egyptian.
962
01:05:14,185 --> 01:05:15,562
Goodbye, Armand.
963
01:05:15,729 --> 01:05:18,403
Miss Albert, wait! Don't!
964
01:05:20,775 --> 01:05:21,822
Shit!
965
01:05:22,319 --> 01:05:24,287
It'll be better without an uncle.
966
01:05:24,446 --> 01:05:27,040
What did you do to him?
He goes to a cemetery!
967
01:05:27,198 --> 01:05:28,666
- Pull yourself together!
- Why?
968
01:05:28,825 --> 01:05:32,204
Because you have to start
cooking dinner.
969
01:05:32,370 --> 01:05:34,748
I'm going after fucking Albert.
970
01:05:40,295 --> 01:05:41,797
Can you...
971
01:05:41,963 --> 01:05:43,931
You can cook, right?
972
01:05:45,216 --> 01:05:47,435
Your father seems to think so.
973
01:06:12,911 --> 01:06:15,209
My cemetery is in Key Biscayne.
974
01:06:16,539 --> 01:06:19,133
It's one of the
prettiest in the world.
975
01:06:19,292 --> 01:06:23,468
There are lovely trees,
the sky is blue, there are birds.
976
01:06:26,758 --> 01:06:29,261
The one in Los Copa is really shit.
977
01:06:32,138 --> 01:06:34,266
What a pain in the ass you are.
978
01:06:36,309 --> 01:06:39,939
It's true. You're not young
and you're not new,
979
01:06:40,146 --> 01:06:42,274
and you do make people laugh.
980
01:06:42,440 --> 01:06:45,410
I'm still with you
because you make me laugh.
981
01:06:45,568 --> 01:06:50,074
So now I have to sell my plot in Key
Biscayne so I can be next to you
982
01:06:50,240 --> 01:06:54,416
in that shithole Los Copa,
so I never miss a laugh.
983
01:06:57,789 --> 01:06:59,006
Here.
984
01:07:00,542 --> 01:07:01,759
What's this?
985
01:07:02,710 --> 01:07:03,927
Read it.
986
01:07:08,049 --> 01:07:09,596
I don't understand.
987
01:07:09,759 --> 01:07:13,309
It's the palimony agreement.
I told you I had it.
988
01:07:14,639 --> 01:07:19,019
It says I have the right to give you
half of everything I own.
989
01:07:20,019 --> 01:07:23,398
It's safer, if something happens
to one of us.
990
01:07:23,982 --> 01:07:26,906
But who owns it now?
991
01:07:27,068 --> 01:07:28,365
You do.
992
01:07:33,658 --> 01:07:36,502
Well, I... I don't want it.
993
01:07:36,703 --> 01:07:38,080
Then give me half.
994
01:07:38,246 --> 01:07:41,796
Quick, give me a pen.
I don't want all of this, Armand.
995
01:07:43,543 --> 01:07:44,840
Sign it.
996
01:08:01,811 --> 01:08:03,563
There, we're partners.
997
01:08:04,606 --> 01:08:08,327
You own half of my life
and I own half of yours.
998
01:08:08,485 --> 01:08:09,782
Half of the club?
999
01:08:09,944 --> 01:08:13,699
What does it matter?
Take it all.
1000
01:08:13,865 --> 01:08:14,957
I'm 50 years old.
1001
01:08:15,116 --> 01:08:18,040
There's one place I call home
and it's because you're there.
1002
01:08:20,538 --> 01:08:24,338
What difference does it make if I say
you can stay or you say I can stay?
1003
01:08:26,669 --> 01:08:27,966
It's ours.
1004
01:08:44,187 --> 01:08:48,363
Hello. She's gone, Mr. Goldman.
But she always checks in.
1005
01:08:48,525 --> 01:08:50,493
Sure, I'll take a message.
1006
01:08:51,319 --> 01:08:52,366
Go ahead.
1007
01:08:53,571 --> 01:08:56,040
Don't come...
1008
01:08:56,199 --> 01:08:58,998
The Reverend Al Sharpton
said today that
1009
01:08:59,160 --> 01:09:03,791
Jackson's last words, "Your money's
on the dresser, Chocolate" were racist.
1010
01:09:03,957 --> 01:09:06,506
The prostitute's given name
was Natumbundra...
1011
01:09:07,627 --> 01:09:10,301
That idiot Jackson!
Now the Blacks will start.
1012
01:09:10,463 --> 01:09:14,093
Barbara's wedding will disassociate
us from all this, really.
1013
01:09:14,259 --> 01:09:19,060
The Cole mans are a perfect family.
They've never been divorced, have they?
1014
01:09:19,222 --> 01:09:22,943
- No.
- See? We're on our way to salvation.
1015
01:09:24,477 --> 01:09:28,573
And it was a question
of Albert or your mother.
1016
01:09:28,731 --> 01:09:29,948
So I had to choose.
1017
01:09:31,609 --> 01:09:33,031
And I chose Albert.
1018
01:09:35,280 --> 01:09:37,282
You understand that, don't you?
1019
01:09:37,448 --> 01:09:38,700
I knew you would.
1020
01:09:42,120 --> 01:09:44,339
I can't get this damn tie even.
1021
01:09:45,248 --> 01:09:47,546
Well, the jacket will cover it.
1022
01:09:48,751 --> 01:09:51,300
I look like my grandfather
in this suit.
1023
01:09:51,588 --> 01:09:55,513
He always dressed like this.
He killed himself at 30.
1024
01:09:56,593 --> 01:09:58,140
Any last instructions?
1025
01:09:58,303 --> 01:10:01,432
No. Just don't walk
unless you have to.
1026
01:10:03,016 --> 01:10:04,142
Try not to gesture.
1027
01:10:05,435 --> 01:10:09,815
- Is that all?
- Don't talk... too much.
1028
01:10:12,191 --> 01:10:14,034
Who cares?
This won't work.
1029
01:10:14,193 --> 01:10:19,120
Come on! Don't be so negative.
I think we can pull this off.
1030
01:11:17,256 --> 01:11:18,473
What?
1031
01:11:20,843 --> 01:11:22,060
No good?
1032
01:11:24,847 --> 01:11:27,600
Why? I'm dressed just
the way you are.
1033
01:11:29,811 --> 01:11:31,484
I took off all my rings.
1034
01:11:32,605 --> 01:11:34,653
I'm not wearing any makeup.
1035
01:11:36,442 --> 01:11:40,913
I'm just... a "guy"
1036
01:11:43,491 --> 01:11:44,743
What about those?
1037
01:11:48,079 --> 01:11:53,085
Those? Well, one does want
a hint of color.
1038
01:12:00,258 --> 01:12:03,637
You're thinking that
dressed this way,
1039
01:12:03,803 --> 01:12:06,556
I'm even more obvious,
aren't you?
1040
01:12:14,522 --> 01:12:15,694
You're right.
1041
01:12:26,743 --> 01:12:29,997
I just wanted so much to help you.
1042
01:12:34,000 --> 01:12:35,923
And you hate me.
1043
01:12:37,378 --> 01:12:39,426
You both hate me.
1044
01:12:40,673 --> 01:12:42,141
Oh, God...
1045
01:12:45,553 --> 01:12:46,896
We don't hate you.
1046
01:12:50,183 --> 01:12:52,060
♪ ...better treat me right
1047
01:12:54,187 --> 01:12:56,315
♪ She works hard for the money
1048
01:12:58,316 --> 01:13:00,819
♪ So hard for it, honey
1049
01:13:02,487 --> 01:13:07,084
♪ I work hard for the money
so you better treat me right
1050
01:13:07,784 --> 01:13:09,161
♪ That's right ♪
1051
01:13:09,702 --> 01:13:11,375
Better put your shoes on, it's late.
1052
01:13:11,537 --> 01:13:14,962
There's no point in my
putting shoes on, sir.
1053
01:13:15,374 --> 01:13:18,878
I never wear shoes
because they make me fall down.
1054
01:13:19,045 --> 01:13:21,173
Just put your shoes on!
1055
01:13:21,339 --> 01:13:25,640
And talk in your normal voice.
Give me a break.
1056
01:13:25,802 --> 01:13:27,224
Okay?
1057
01:13:28,179 --> 01:13:29,351
Okay.
1058
01:13:39,440 --> 01:13:41,568
Armand, it's Katharine.
1059
01:13:41,734 --> 01:13:45,079
I'm in the car and I got
a message telling me not to come.
1060
01:13:45,238 --> 01:13:46,581
And I wanted to check...
1061
01:13:46,739 --> 01:13:51,666
No, that was a mistake. He said
not to come late. I was there.
1062
01:13:51,828 --> 01:13:55,128
I thought my secretary got it wrong.
1063
01:13:55,289 --> 01:13:57,667
I should be there in half an hour.
1064
01:13:58,960 --> 01:14:00,712
Is this Val?
1065
01:14:00,878 --> 01:14:01,970
Yeah.
1066
01:14:03,130 --> 01:14:06,100
Val, I want you to know how...
1067
01:14:07,677 --> 01:14:10,271
...happy I am
that I can do this for you.
1068
01:14:10,429 --> 01:14:12,898
I know it's a little late.
1069
01:14:13,057 --> 01:14:14,934
No, it's fine.
1070
01:14:16,227 --> 01:14:18,321
Thanks for this.
1071
01:14:20,773 --> 01:14:23,617
So, um, see you in half an hour...
1072
01:14:24,944 --> 01:14:26,537
...Mom.
1073
01:14:26,904 --> 01:14:28,247
What?
1074
01:14:30,408 --> 01:14:33,878
Did you just say,
"See you in half an hour, Mom"?
1075
01:14:34,745 --> 01:14:35,792
- Was that...?
- Yes.
1076
01:14:35,997 --> 01:14:38,125
You can't call her back.
She's in the car.
1077
01:14:38,291 --> 01:14:39,292
Are you crazy?
1078
01:14:39,458 --> 01:14:40,835
Albert is hysterical now.
1079
01:14:41,002 --> 01:14:42,925
You know what he'll do
if Katharine comes?
1080
01:14:43,087 --> 01:14:44,589
He won't embarrass me.
1081
01:14:44,755 --> 01:14:48,430
It was my mother.
I couldn't tell her not to come.
1082
01:14:48,593 --> 01:14:51,893
Pop, without her, I'm screwed.
You know that.
1083
01:14:58,477 --> 01:15:02,402
So this is hell.
And there's a crucifix in it.
1084
01:15:22,585 --> 01:15:25,885
This is less like Palm Beach
than I imagined.
1085
01:15:26,964 --> 01:15:29,012
It was all sand when
they bought here.
1086
01:15:29,175 --> 01:15:32,930
This grew up around them
while they were in Greece.
1087
01:15:38,809 --> 01:15:43,440
He's locked himself in. If we're lucky
he won't come out at all.
1088
01:15:46,108 --> 01:15:47,485
I'm not religious and I'm Jewish.
1089
01:15:47,652 --> 01:15:50,496
But if things go well,
I'd appreciate it.
1090
01:15:52,281 --> 01:15:56,707
Speaking of Jewish. Barbara told
her parents our last name is Coleman.
1091
01:15:58,204 --> 01:15:59,251
Thanks.
1092
01:16:00,998 --> 01:16:02,045
Coming.
1093
01:16:04,126 --> 01:16:05,173
Perfect.
1094
01:16:08,631 --> 01:16:09,757
It's the shoes.
1095
01:16:16,138 --> 01:16:20,143
Good evening. I am Spartacus,
the Goldmans' butler.
1096
01:16:20,309 --> 01:16:23,404
Please, come... come in.
1097
01:16:25,773 --> 01:16:27,241
Is that Goldman?
1098
01:16:27,400 --> 01:16:30,654
Coldman, Coldman.
Spartacus is, uh...
1099
01:16:30,861 --> 01:16:32,534
- Guatemalan.
- ..new.
1100
01:16:32,822 --> 01:16:35,621
Val, this is my
father and my mother.
1101
01:16:35,783 --> 01:16:38,127
This is Val Coleman.
1102
01:16:39,537 --> 01:16:41,039
Coleman or Cold man?
1103
01:16:41,288 --> 01:16:44,713
Coleman.
The "D" is silent.
1104
01:16:44,875 --> 01:16:46,923
- My father.
- How do you do?
1105
01:16:49,046 --> 01:16:52,220
- My daughter, Barbara.
- Delighted.
1106
01:16:53,634 --> 01:16:57,264
- My husband.
- Extremely honored.
1107
01:16:57,430 --> 01:16:59,853
You have a very
forceful handshake.
1108
01:17:00,057 --> 01:17:01,434
You have to in Greece.
1109
01:17:05,688 --> 01:17:08,658
My mother won't be here
for another 15 minutes.
1110
01:17:08,816 --> 01:17:11,285
She's with my grandparents
in Palm Beach.
1111
01:17:11,444 --> 01:17:14,323
Oh, isn't that nice?
1112
01:17:14,488 --> 01:17:16,991
Having contact between
the generations.
1113
01:17:17,158 --> 01:17:19,832
Yes. Won't you come in?
1114
01:17:22,496 --> 01:17:25,796
How's the leg?
My father has an old football injury.
1115
01:17:25,958 --> 01:17:27,801
A fellow sufferer.
Where did you play?
1116
01:17:27,960 --> 01:17:29,382
- Greece.
- Miami U.
1117
01:17:30,755 --> 01:17:32,116
What an interesting room.
1118
01:17:32,256 --> 01:17:34,759
Don't you think this room is nice?
1119
01:17:35,051 --> 01:17:38,476
Well, yes.
A very, very...
1120
01:17:38,637 --> 01:17:42,733
...pleasant vacation house.
I like its, uh, severity.
1121
01:17:43,017 --> 01:17:48,365
Dad uses this place more for work and...
reflection than anything else.
1122
01:17:48,564 --> 01:17:51,033
So it's not so much
a vacation house as a...
1123
01:17:51,192 --> 01:17:53,194
Monastery.
1124
01:17:53,360 --> 01:17:55,328
Well, it's just charming.
1125
01:17:56,447 --> 01:17:59,041
And look at these lovely old books.
1126
01:18:00,701 --> 01:18:01,748
Look at this.
1127
01:18:02,244 --> 01:18:05,794
Nancy Drew and the Case
of the Burning Candle.
1128
01:18:06,332 --> 01:18:08,300
You have the whole series.
1129
01:18:09,001 --> 01:18:11,720
- Uh, they're my mother's.
- Sit down!
1130
01:18:12,880 --> 01:18:13,927
Please.
1131
01:18:30,189 --> 01:18:32,487
Shall we have champagne
to celebrate?
1132
01:18:32,650 --> 01:18:34,823
Oh, how nice.
1133
01:18:34,985 --> 01:18:36,362
- Agador!
- Spartacus!
1134
01:18:36,529 --> 01:18:41,160
Agador Spartacus! He insists
on being called by his full name.
1135
01:18:48,207 --> 01:18:50,130
We'd like the champagne now.
1136
01:19:04,515 --> 01:19:06,483
Over there?
Okay, thanks.
1137
01:19:08,060 --> 01:19:09,277
God bless you.
1138
01:19:10,437 --> 01:19:11,984
They went in around the corner.
1139
01:19:12,148 --> 01:19:14,947
That's the side entrance
to this building.
1140
01:19:15,109 --> 01:19:16,531
Let's check it out.
1141
01:19:17,027 --> 01:19:20,372
You have such a responsibility,
two houses.
1142
01:19:21,240 --> 01:19:22,867
When did you buy this one?
1143
01:19:23,033 --> 01:19:26,879
About 15 years ago.
The area was mostly Jewish then.
1144
01:19:27,163 --> 01:19:30,258
Really? Barbara told us
it was mostly sand.
1145
01:19:32,168 --> 01:19:36,423
Yes. Well, you know the old saying.
"Where there's sand..."
1146
01:19:37,256 --> 01:19:39,930
Here we go.
Champagne for everyone.
1147
01:19:41,635 --> 01:19:43,228
And a Scotch, if you have it.
1148
01:19:46,390 --> 01:19:47,858
Is someone else home?
1149
01:19:49,226 --> 01:19:52,605
Just our dog, Piranha. We always
lock her in when there's company.
1150
01:19:56,358 --> 01:19:59,282
I'll finish pouring.
Go take care of dinner.
1151
01:20:08,913 --> 01:20:13,134
He's a brilliant chef. He just
has a lot to learn about serving.
1152
01:20:14,877 --> 01:20:16,629
Where could the wife be?
1153
01:20:39,485 --> 01:20:42,409
It was so weird.
1154
01:20:42,571 --> 01:20:44,824
No, it really was.
1155
01:20:44,990 --> 01:20:47,243
I was, like, "Will you marry me?"
1156
01:20:47,409 --> 01:20:50,913
She was like,
"Didn't you say no way before 30?"
1157
01:20:51,080 --> 01:20:52,673
It was so funny.
1158
01:20:52,831 --> 01:20:56,210
Yes, it does sound... funny.
1159
01:21:00,422 --> 01:21:02,595
How was your trip, Senator?
1160
01:21:03,926 --> 01:21:05,599
A nice trip. Very nice.
1161
01:21:07,054 --> 01:21:10,809
We decided to drive down
to see the seasons change.
1162
01:21:12,851 --> 01:21:16,606
It was a long trip, though.
Virginia, Kentucky,
1163
01:21:16,772 --> 01:21:18,115
Tennessee...
1164
01:21:18,857 --> 01:21:20,450
...Georgia.
1165
01:21:21,151 --> 01:21:25,657
It was just so magical to come
from the north, where it's cold...
1166
01:21:26,448 --> 01:21:29,042
...to the south, where it's warm...
1167
01:21:29,618 --> 01:21:33,623
...and see the tremendous differences
from region to region,
1168
01:21:33,789 --> 01:21:36,633
in this incredible country of ours.
1169
01:21:38,919 --> 01:21:41,047
My wife and I used to go to Virginia
1170
01:21:41,213 --> 01:21:44,137
every autumn to see
the foliage turn.
1171
01:21:45,426 --> 01:21:47,178
Virginia has amazing foliage,
1172
01:21:47,344 --> 01:21:52,316
although I do think that the foliage
in Ohio is underrated.
1173
01:21:54,685 --> 01:21:59,441
It's just dazzling along I-75.
1174
01:22:02,484 --> 01:22:05,203
Just dazzling.
1175
01:22:05,362 --> 01:22:09,583
We would go down to Virginia,
to get away for a while.
1176
01:22:09,742 --> 01:22:13,872
To see the wonderful farms,
the countryside.
1177
01:22:14,038 --> 01:22:15,585
I'm stuck in traffic.
1178
01:22:15,748 --> 01:22:17,375
Start dinner without me.
1179
01:22:18,334 --> 01:22:20,302
The hills, the mountains.
1180
01:22:22,713 --> 01:22:25,717
Talk about "purple
mountains majesty."
1181
01:22:26,717 --> 01:22:27,969
Just fantastic.
1182
01:22:30,346 --> 01:22:32,940
Red leaves, purple mountains...
1183
01:22:35,142 --> 01:22:36,394
...green fields.
1184
01:22:39,229 --> 01:22:41,857
And the roads. Black...
1185
01:22:43,233 --> 01:22:45,486
...cutting through the green.
1186
01:22:45,652 --> 01:22:47,620
All the colors.
1187
01:22:48,822 --> 01:22:50,074
The trees.
1188
01:22:54,036 --> 01:22:56,380
Pennsylvania's nice, too.
1189
01:22:58,040 --> 01:22:59,166
Was that my wife?
1190
01:23:00,167 --> 01:23:01,589
Just now on the phone?
1191
01:23:01,752 --> 01:23:04,722
I think it was.
I was just so caught up.
1192
01:23:04,880 --> 01:23:06,803
Val, was that Mom?
1193
01:23:06,965 --> 01:23:09,468
Yeah. She's stuck.
1194
01:23:09,635 --> 01:23:11,558
We're to start dinner without her.
1195
01:23:11,720 --> 01:23:14,189
I would have picked up,
but I was so interested
1196
01:23:14,348 --> 01:23:17,352
in the Senator's... story.
1197
01:23:17,518 --> 01:23:19,646
Oh, it wasn't that good.
1198
01:23:19,812 --> 01:23:21,155
It was wonderful.
1199
01:23:22,189 --> 01:23:26,740
Will you excuse me? I should tell
Agador Spartacus this news.
1200
01:23:42,167 --> 01:23:43,214
Would you excuse us?
1201
01:23:47,089 --> 01:23:49,558
I've never had so much
go so wrong so quickly.
1202
01:23:49,716 --> 01:23:50,842
This is like a curse.
1203
01:23:53,220 --> 01:23:55,393
Dad, what do we do?
Do we wait for her or do we...
1204
01:23:55,556 --> 01:23:58,309
- You're soaking!
- I'm sweating like some farm animal.
1205
01:23:58,475 --> 01:24:01,854
- I can't do this.
- We can do this! Work with me.
1206
01:24:02,771 --> 01:24:05,445
Something very odd is going on.
1207
01:24:05,607 --> 01:24:07,951
It's this thing with Jackson.
1208
01:24:08,110 --> 01:24:11,705
The wife doesn't want to see us
and the father's a wreck.
1209
01:24:11,864 --> 01:24:13,537
I'm sure that's not it.
1210
01:24:13,740 --> 01:24:18,587
No, it's something else. Something
about the father and the butler.
1211
01:24:18,745 --> 01:24:21,669
- It's nothing!
- It is something.
1212
01:24:21,832 --> 01:24:23,379
It's not! You always think the worst.
1213
01:24:23,542 --> 01:24:25,089
- I do not!
- You always do!
1214
01:24:25,252 --> 01:24:27,380
Val's mother is just late.
1215
01:24:27,546 --> 01:24:29,173
She's just a little late!
1216
01:24:29,339 --> 01:24:31,592
- Watch yourself, young lady!
- Here they come.
1217
01:24:32,676 --> 01:24:33,723
Excuse me.
1218
01:24:35,554 --> 01:24:36,680
Well, we'll...
1219
01:24:38,182 --> 01:24:41,106
Let's give her half an hour
and then if she isn't...
1220
01:24:41,268 --> 01:24:43,066
Here I am!
1221
01:24:43,228 --> 01:24:45,196
Oh, please,
1222
01:24:45,355 --> 01:24:49,861
forgive me for being so late,
but traffic was unbelievable!
1223
01:24:50,027 --> 01:24:52,906
Senator Keeley, Mrs. Keeley,
1224
01:24:53,155 --> 01:24:56,034
I'm so happy to meet you at last.
1225
01:24:57,743 --> 01:24:59,996
You must be Barbara.
1226
01:25:00,162 --> 01:25:01,960
What a pretty child.
1227
01:25:02,122 --> 01:25:03,590
Come give me a hug.
1228
01:25:04,458 --> 01:25:06,335
Don't be afraid.
1229
01:25:06,502 --> 01:25:09,176
Oh, how adorable.
She's shy.
1230
01:25:09,338 --> 01:25:11,591
How nice to meet you,
Mrs. Coleman.
1231
01:25:11,757 --> 01:25:13,225
Goldman.
1232
01:25:13,383 --> 01:25:14,555
Isn't the "D" silent?
1233
01:25:14,718 --> 01:25:18,598
It is pronounced Coleman, isn't it?
We've had some confusion.
1234
01:25:18,764 --> 01:25:21,267
Oh, yes. Coleman.
1235
01:25:21,433 --> 01:25:24,312
The "D" is silent in America.
1236
01:25:24,478 --> 01:25:29,780
It's Cole d'Isle au Man,
or Cole of the Isle of Man in France
1237
01:25:29,942 --> 01:25:31,694
where Armand's chateau is,
1238
01:25:31,860 --> 01:25:35,490
Cole d'man in Greece
where Armand's work is,
1239
01:25:35,656 --> 01:25:39,911
and finally, the vulgar Coleman
in Florida, where Armand's home is.
1240
01:25:40,077 --> 01:25:45,174
So, we never know where we are until
we hear our last name pronounced.
1241
01:25:47,376 --> 01:25:50,755
- Oh, that explains it.
- At last.
1242
01:25:52,172 --> 01:25:54,391
I think I would like to hug you,
Mrs. Coleman.
1243
01:25:54,550 --> 01:25:58,646
Oh, my dear child. Welcome.
1244
01:25:58,804 --> 01:26:00,556
Look at this.
1245
01:26:01,598 --> 01:26:05,148
This is our footage for the show
on Jackson. Pump up the sound.
1246
01:26:05,310 --> 01:26:09,065
We're here at what
they're calling Camp Keeley...
1247
01:26:09,231 --> 01:26:12,531
Where you driving him?
1248
01:26:12,693 --> 01:26:15,367
South Beach, Florida.
1249
01:26:15,821 --> 01:26:17,118
Where'd we get this?
1250
01:26:17,281 --> 01:26:20,626
Keeley's house last night.
The fat guy,
1251
01:26:20,784 --> 01:26:25,290
is with the National Enquirer.
Harry Rad man.
1252
01:26:25,455 --> 01:26:30,336
Oh, yeah. My God, he's put on so much
weight since the Simpson case.
1253
01:26:31,920 --> 01:26:33,297
This should go to the network.
1254
01:26:33,463 --> 01:26:39,721
It's so wonderful what you've done here.
Everything is so simple and uncluttered.
1255
01:26:39,886 --> 01:26:43,607
Our house is a sea of papers.
You men.
1256
01:26:43,765 --> 01:26:46,894
You're the biggest babies.
They can run the world,
1257
01:26:47,060 --> 01:26:49,188
but can't pick out a tie.
1258
01:26:49,354 --> 01:26:52,733
I know. I can't get this big lug
to buy a new suit.
1259
01:26:52,899 --> 01:26:55,368
Armand, they're picking on us.
1260
01:26:55,527 --> 01:26:57,950
Oh, well...
1261
01:26:58,155 --> 01:27:01,750
...bless them.
That's the way nature made them.
1262
01:27:01,908 --> 01:27:03,910
Maybe I'm just an old-fashioned girl,
1263
01:27:04,077 --> 01:27:08,708
but I pity the woman who's too busy
to take care of her man.
1264
01:27:08,874 --> 01:27:12,469
Hear, hear! It's so nice
to meet people like you.
1265
01:27:12,628 --> 01:27:16,258
Our kind of people.
1266
01:27:16,423 --> 01:27:21,350
C-O-L-E-M-A-N.
There's no first name on the bell.
1267
01:27:21,511 --> 01:27:23,354
Sure? They can't find them.
1268
01:27:23,513 --> 01:27:27,768
What about the name in front
of the club... Goldman? That's close.
1269
01:27:27,934 --> 01:27:30,653
You're right.
Wouldn't that be something?
1270
01:27:30,812 --> 01:27:32,564
Try Goldman. What was it?
1271
01:27:32,731 --> 01:27:34,404
Armand Goldman.
1272
01:27:35,025 --> 01:27:38,871
It's so odd to me,
this fuss over school prayer.
1273
01:27:39,029 --> 01:27:42,203
As if anyone,
Jews, Muslims, whatever,
1274
01:27:42,366 --> 01:27:44,744
would mind if their children
prayed in the classroom.
1275
01:27:44,910 --> 01:27:47,914
It's insane.
1276
01:27:48,080 --> 01:27:51,084
Thank you, Agador Spartacus!
You may go.
1277
01:27:53,877 --> 01:27:57,256
He's very nice,
but such a problem.
1278
01:27:57,422 --> 01:28:00,346
We never know
what makes him laugh.
1279
01:28:00,509 --> 01:28:02,432
At least he speaks English.
1280
01:28:02,594 --> 01:28:07,316
We have been through more chauffeurs
in the last six months...
1281
01:28:07,474 --> 01:28:11,524
And the maids we've run through
in the last six years!
1282
01:28:11,687 --> 01:28:14,691
- Rodney, Bruno, Chuck...
- Look! You all need more ice.
1283
01:28:14,856 --> 01:28:16,904
I have a good feeling
about you people.
1284
01:28:17,067 --> 01:28:18,910
Not a lot of clever books
on the shelves,
1285
01:28:19,069 --> 01:28:21,197
no fancy art on the walls.
1286
01:28:21,363 --> 01:28:22,706
Just the crucifix,
1287
01:28:22,864 --> 01:28:25,663
and a lot of good,
warm, family feeling.
1288
01:28:25,826 --> 01:28:28,545
This is what Clinton missed
when he started in on school prayer
1289
01:28:28,704 --> 01:28:30,126
and gays in the military.
1290
01:28:30,288 --> 01:28:31,790
More ice for you.
1291
01:28:31,957 --> 01:28:35,177
There's an idiotic issue,
gays in the military!
1292
01:28:35,335 --> 01:28:38,680
I mean, those haircuts,
those uniforms, who cares?!
1293
01:28:38,839 --> 01:28:41,934
Mom, don't talk about things
you don't know about.
1294
01:28:42,092 --> 01:28:45,096
Don't patronize your mother.
She's amazingly intelligent.
1295
01:28:45,262 --> 01:28:47,640
- I think homosexuality...
- A lot more ice for you!
1296
01:28:47,806 --> 01:28:49,023
More for me, Dad.
1297
01:28:49,182 --> 01:28:51,184
...Is one of the things
weakening this country.
1298
01:28:51,351 --> 01:28:53,103
Really?
1299
01:28:53,270 --> 01:28:56,444
That's what I thought until I found
out Alexander the Great was a fag.
1300
01:28:56,606 --> 01:28:58,324
Talk about gays in the military!
1301
01:28:58,483 --> 01:29:00,827
How about those Dolphins?
1302
01:29:04,865 --> 01:29:06,333
I'll get it.
1303
01:29:11,288 --> 01:29:16,920
I think we're skirting an issue here
that has Mr. Coleman very nervous.
1304
01:29:19,671 --> 01:29:22,595
You must have heard about
how Senator Jackson died.
1305
01:29:24,384 --> 01:29:26,728
Oh, that.
1306
01:29:26,887 --> 01:29:29,515
Yes, what an ugly story.
1307
01:29:30,557 --> 01:29:32,776
Of course, we don't
believe a word of it.
1308
01:29:32,934 --> 01:29:36,063
- What do you mean?
- He was obviously framed.
1309
01:29:36,229 --> 01:29:40,154
- I, for one, would like an autopsy.
- Mom...
1310
01:29:41,359 --> 01:29:43,578
That's just what
Rush Limbaugh said.
1311
01:29:46,323 --> 01:29:47,324
Excuse me.
1312
01:29:52,037 --> 01:29:56,292
The tension... it's like riding a
psychotic horse toward a burning stable.
1313
01:29:56,458 --> 01:29:59,302
Dinner is going to be late, okay?
1314
01:29:59,461 --> 01:30:02,465
'Cause you give me
so little time to shop.
1315
01:30:02,964 --> 01:30:05,968
Barbara's nice.
I owe it to Val,
1316
01:30:06,134 --> 01:30:07,807
growing up the way he did.
It can't have been easy.
1317
01:30:07,969 --> 01:30:11,769
I'm sorry to laugh at Miss Albert,
but what is that hairdo?
1318
01:30:11,932 --> 01:30:15,311
Fuck it! It's one night.
I can live through it.
1319
01:30:17,103 --> 01:30:20,733
Of course, it's wrong
to kill an abortion doctor.
1320
01:30:20,899 --> 01:30:25,370
Many pro-lifers, I don't agree with
them, but they feel that if you...
1321
01:30:25,529 --> 01:30:26,701
I'm here, son.
1322
01:30:26,863 --> 01:30:29,207
...stop the doctors,
you stop the abortions.
1323
01:30:29,366 --> 01:30:33,337
That's ridiculous.
The doctors are only doing their jobs.
1324
01:30:33,495 --> 01:30:36,339
Better to kill the mothers.
That will stop them.
1325
01:30:36,957 --> 01:30:38,925
May I see you a moment, dear?
1326
01:30:39,084 --> 01:30:43,214
I know, I know, if you kill the
mother, the fetus dies, too.
1327
01:30:43,380 --> 01:30:47,476
But the fetus is going to be aborted,
so let it go down with the ship.
1328
01:30:47,634 --> 01:30:49,511
I really must see you now.
1329
01:30:51,179 --> 01:30:52,226
Excuse me.
1330
01:30:59,896 --> 01:31:01,614
I assure you,
1331
01:31:01,773 --> 01:31:05,368
Mother is just following a train
of thought to its logical
1332
01:31:05,569 --> 01:31:07,492
yet absurd conclusion.
1333
01:31:07,654 --> 01:31:10,077
As Jonathan Swift did
when he suggested
1334
01:31:10,240 --> 01:31:12,618
Irish peasants feed
their babies to the rich.
1335
01:31:13,535 --> 01:31:16,914
I don't know about Jonathan Swift,
but I know one thing about your mother.
1336
01:31:17,080 --> 01:31:21,711
She's a passionate woman
who follows her heart. And I love her.
1337
01:31:23,336 --> 01:31:25,634
So Goldman owns the club,
1338
01:31:25,797 --> 01:31:29,427
lives above it, owns the
building and he's gay.
1339
01:31:30,802 --> 01:31:32,770
We are in Enquirer heaven.
1340
01:31:36,433 --> 01:31:39,232
♪ I could have danced all night
1341
01:31:39,394 --> 01:31:42,739
♪ I could have danced all night
1342
01:31:42,898 --> 01:31:46,994
♪ And still have begged for more
1343
01:31:47,944 --> 01:31:49,116
You have a beautiful voice.
1344
01:31:49,279 --> 01:31:52,123
♪ I could have spread my wings
1345
01:31:52,282 --> 01:31:55,456
♪ And done a thousand things
1346
01:31:55,619 --> 01:31:59,089
♪ I've never done before...
1347
01:32:00,874 --> 01:32:03,798
Your mother should know
I want a career and marriage.
1348
01:32:03,960 --> 01:32:06,588
Barbara, Albert isn't my mother.
He's a drag queen.
1349
01:32:06,755 --> 01:32:10,885
That's right, I keep forgetting.
1350
01:32:11,051 --> 01:32:13,725
He just sounds so much
like a mother.
1351
01:32:14,346 --> 01:32:17,896
♪ I only know
1352
01:32:18,058 --> 01:32:22,564
♪ When he began to dance with me
1353
01:32:22,729 --> 01:32:26,825
♪ I could have danced, danced, danced
1354
01:32:26,983 --> 01:32:30,112
♪ All night ♪
1355
01:32:35,158 --> 01:32:36,501
Bravo!
1356
01:32:40,580 --> 01:32:43,459
What a lovely voice you have,
Agador Spartacus.
1357
01:32:43,625 --> 01:32:48,677
Thank you. Thank you, all.
Dinner is served.
1358
01:32:48,838 --> 01:32:54,220
Wonderful. This way, Senator.
You know, I played Eliza in high school.
1359
01:32:54,386 --> 01:32:56,263
I'll bet you were lovely.
1360
01:32:59,265 --> 01:33:02,109
Go inside. I'll tape a note
to Katharine to the door.
1361
01:33:03,103 --> 01:33:06,983
Mrs. Keeley over there,
and the Senator on my right.
1362
01:33:07,148 --> 01:33:10,652
Val, over here.
And Barbara, dear, please sit.
1363
01:33:10,819 --> 01:33:12,696
You are the most gracious hostess.
1364
01:33:12,862 --> 01:33:14,455
Oh, thank you so much.
1365
01:33:14,614 --> 01:33:17,117
I'm having such a wonderful time.
1366
01:33:17,993 --> 01:33:20,371
This is what I've always dreamed of:
1367
01:33:20,537 --> 01:33:24,508
a big, loving family
gathered around the table,
1368
01:33:24,666 --> 01:33:26,509
the way it was when I was a girl.
1369
01:33:26,668 --> 01:33:28,548
That's the way we grew up, too.
1370
01:33:28,670 --> 01:33:33,642
It was a wonderful world then,
wasn't it? Happy families and
1371
01:33:33,800 --> 01:33:37,521
everyone speaking English
and no drugs and no AIDS.
1372
01:33:37,679 --> 01:33:38,896
Easy on the wine, Mom.
1373
01:33:39,055 --> 01:33:40,682
What interesting china!
1374
01:33:40,849 --> 01:33:44,479
It looks like young men
playing leapfrog.
1375
01:33:44,644 --> 01:33:45,736
Is it Greek?
1376
01:33:47,605 --> 01:33:51,326
I... I...
1377
01:33:51,484 --> 01:33:53,157
...I have no idea.
1378
01:33:53,319 --> 01:33:55,617
I've never seen these bowls before.
1379
01:33:55,780 --> 01:33:59,205
Really? Barbara,
get me my glasses, dear.
1380
01:33:59,367 --> 01:34:01,290
They're in my purse by the chair.
1381
01:34:01,453 --> 01:34:04,673
Where are my glasses? It is Greek.
1382
01:34:04,831 --> 01:34:09,132
Greek boys, actually.
Uh, naked Greek boys.
1383
01:34:09,335 --> 01:34:12,088
And girls!
Doesn't your bowl have girls?
1384
01:34:12,255 --> 01:34:15,850
- I have one!
- Mine, too! Oh, look.
1385
01:34:16,009 --> 01:34:18,558
There. I think that's a girl.
1386
01:34:18,720 --> 01:34:22,099
Then you haven't seen one in a long
time. That's a boy.
1387
01:34:22,265 --> 01:34:25,439
I may need glasses,
but I can see that.
1388
01:34:26,102 --> 01:34:29,652
I couldn't find your glasses.
Maybe they're in the car.
1389
01:34:29,814 --> 01:34:31,908
I have mine. Here.
1390
01:34:33,818 --> 01:34:36,287
Hurry, you idiot!
They're looking at the bowls.
1391
01:34:36,446 --> 01:34:38,790
How could you put out bowls
without looking at them?!
1392
01:34:38,948 --> 01:34:41,747
Stop ladling!
Give me the pot!
1393
01:34:41,910 --> 01:34:43,662
- You can't serve out of that!
- Move!
1394
01:34:43,828 --> 01:34:45,922
Wait! There's shrimps.
1395
01:34:46,081 --> 01:34:47,628
Let's see what
these Greeks are doing.
1396
01:34:47,791 --> 01:34:49,919
Here we go.
1397
01:34:51,586 --> 01:34:56,763
Agador's superb soup. We're in luck,
he doesn't make this for everyone.
1398
01:34:56,925 --> 01:35:00,054
This is his specialty,
seafood chowder.
1399
01:35:00,428 --> 01:35:01,805
- Isn't that an egg?
- What?
1400
01:35:01,971 --> 01:35:05,475
- An egg.
- Why, yes, it is. It is a huevo.
1401
01:35:06,476 --> 01:35:08,820
This is so Guatemala.
1402
01:35:08,978 --> 01:35:11,857
They put eggs in
everything down there
1403
01:35:12,023 --> 01:35:15,493
because chicken is
so important to them.
1404
01:35:15,652 --> 01:35:18,576
It's their only real currency.
1405
01:35:18,738 --> 01:35:21,617
A woman is said to be
worth her weight in hens.
1406
01:35:21,783 --> 01:35:25,378
A man's wealth is measured
by the size of his cock.
1407
01:35:25,537 --> 01:35:27,289
Will you excuse me?
1408
01:35:30,792 --> 01:35:32,260
What the hell is this?
1409
01:35:32,418 --> 01:35:36,264
Sweet and sour peasant soup.
Why'd you say it was seafood chowder?
1410
01:35:36,422 --> 01:35:40,017
- What the hell is that?
- I don't know. I made it up!
1411
01:35:40,176 --> 01:35:41,302
God, this is a nightmare.
1412
01:35:54,357 --> 01:35:56,485
Where are you
staying in Florida?
1413
01:35:57,652 --> 01:36:00,496
With the Jeb Bushes,
on Fisher Island.
1414
01:36:00,655 --> 01:36:04,410
Fisher Island.
Such a lovely spot.
1415
01:36:04,576 --> 01:36:08,331
My parents lived on Fisher
Island until they died.
1416
01:36:09,914 --> 01:36:13,384
I thought you were visiting
your parents in Palm Beach.
1417
01:36:13,543 --> 01:36:15,341
What?
1418
01:36:15,503 --> 01:36:18,973
Oh, yes, uh... now...
1419
01:36:19,966 --> 01:36:21,513
...that they're dead.
1420
01:36:21,968 --> 01:36:23,015
They moved...
1421
01:36:24,304 --> 01:36:26,523
...were moved... because...
1422
01:36:29,434 --> 01:36:30,936
Well...
1423
01:36:31,102 --> 01:36:34,902
My mother always said,
"Live on Fisher Island,
1424
01:36:35,064 --> 01:36:37,032
get buried in Palm Beach,
1425
01:36:37,192 --> 01:36:40,571
that way you'll have
the best of Florida."
1426
01:36:42,322 --> 01:36:45,292
Dad, get in there.
Everything is going to hell.
1427
01:36:45,450 --> 01:36:47,703
He didn't make an entrée.
1428
01:36:47,869 --> 01:36:51,123
What? You... you mean
we just have soup?
1429
01:36:51,289 --> 01:36:54,168
Peasant soup is an entrée.
It's like stew!
1430
01:36:54,334 --> 01:36:56,007
Why do you think I
put so much in it?!
1431
01:36:56,169 --> 01:36:57,842
Shut up!
1432
01:36:58,004 --> 01:37:00,848
Put Katharine's note
on the downstairs door.
1433
01:37:01,007 --> 01:37:03,726
I have to go back before
they get to the bottom of the bowls.
1434
01:37:03,885 --> 01:37:07,355
I had so much to do.
You give me no time to shop!
1435
01:37:07,513 --> 01:37:08,685
Shut up!
1436
01:37:08,848 --> 01:37:11,317
It's okay!
We're all right!
1437
01:37:11,476 --> 01:37:14,605
Shut up, goddamn you!
Stop crying! Goddamn you!
1438
01:37:14,771 --> 01:37:18,321
Don't just stand there!
She'll be here any minute! Go!
1439
01:37:18,483 --> 01:37:20,406
Goddamn it!
Fuck the shrimp!
1440
01:37:25,406 --> 01:37:29,502
Oh, my God.
That's it. That's it.
1441
01:37:29,661 --> 01:37:32,961
- That's the Lincoln.
- Park here. The street's jammed.
1442
01:37:33,122 --> 01:37:36,467
- This is an intersection.
- So? We're the press.
1443
01:37:48,096 --> 01:37:53,148
"Katharine, do not go upstairs.
I'll call you tomorrow. Armand."
1444
01:37:53,309 --> 01:37:55,186
This is going to be great.
1445
01:37:56,271 --> 01:38:00,777
From that day on, they looked
for a cemetery they really loved
1446
01:38:00,942 --> 01:38:02,364
instead of eating tofu.
1447
01:38:02,568 --> 01:38:05,242
Daddy favored Key Biscayne, but...
1448
01:38:05,405 --> 01:38:07,533
Time for dessert.
You get everything done?
1449
01:38:07,699 --> 01:38:08,746
Yes.
1450
01:38:08,908 --> 01:38:12,037
Shall we have our coffee
in the living room?
1451
01:38:15,665 --> 01:38:18,589
No, it's his town car.
I am looking at it.
1452
01:38:21,421 --> 01:38:25,142
We're in the middle of a bunch
of drag clubs. I don't know.
1453
01:38:25,300 --> 01:38:27,177
We got authorization.
1454
01:38:27,343 --> 01:38:28,845
So, three?
1455
01:38:31,389 --> 01:38:34,734
- So, where are they?
- They went around the corner there.
1456
01:38:41,774 --> 01:38:46,154
So what do you think of these kids
getting married?
1457
01:38:46,321 --> 01:38:50,292
Well, she's only 18
and he's only 20, so I...
1458
01:38:52,160 --> 01:38:56,506
Good God. That sounds like
it's coming from downstairs.
1459
01:38:56,664 --> 01:38:59,264
It must be coming
from that nightclub on the corner.
1460
01:38:59,292 --> 01:39:01,294
This must be the same building.
1461
01:39:01,461 --> 01:39:06,638
You're joking! I always thought
that was someone's television set.
1462
01:39:06,799 --> 01:39:09,678
Now, Mother, you know
we live above a nightclub.
1463
01:39:09,844 --> 01:39:12,973
She's travelled around
the world, but deep down
1464
01:39:13,139 --> 01:39:16,439
she's still a girl from
Grover's Corners.
1465
01:39:16,601 --> 01:39:18,695
I'm afraid I am a bit naive.
1466
01:39:20,021 --> 01:39:22,023
Don't be ashamed of Grover's Corners.
1467
01:39:22,190 --> 01:39:26,320
It's not a chateau, but it's a
darn good place to call home.
1468
01:39:26,486 --> 01:39:30,707
Thank you.
I will remember that.
1469
01:39:30,865 --> 01:39:35,496
Of course, Armand is much more
sophisticated than I am.
1470
01:39:35,661 --> 01:39:39,757
But then, he comes
from such good stock.
1471
01:39:40,792 --> 01:39:43,921
Just like those two
adorable youngsters.
1472
01:39:44,253 --> 01:39:46,255
Don't you agree?
1473
01:39:46,422 --> 01:39:48,800
- Where's the bathroom?
- I'll show you.
1474
01:39:48,966 --> 01:39:52,891
- No, I want Mother Coleman to show me.
- My dear child!
1475
01:39:53,054 --> 01:39:54,601
One kiss, darling.
1476
01:39:54,764 --> 01:39:56,937
- I'm only going to the bathroom.
- We'll all go.
1477
01:39:57,100 --> 01:39:59,899
I think you're all crazy.
1478
01:40:00,061 --> 01:40:01,153
My men!
1479
01:40:01,312 --> 01:40:04,532
Isn't this wonderful?
All of us together.
1480
01:40:04,690 --> 01:40:07,443
This is so moving,
I think I'm going to cry!
1481
01:40:08,194 --> 01:40:11,573
Something very
strange is going on.
1482
01:40:11,948 --> 01:40:14,042
I know.
1483
01:40:14,200 --> 01:40:15,702
I mean, that dinner.
1484
01:40:17,078 --> 01:40:19,831
I know there was something
on those bowls.
1485
01:40:19,997 --> 01:40:23,342
And the son disappearing
while we were eating.
1486
01:40:23,501 --> 01:40:25,924
I know just what's going on.
1487
01:40:26,087 --> 01:40:27,555
It's the oldest story in the world.
1488
01:40:27,713 --> 01:40:29,090
What is it?
1489
01:40:32,218 --> 01:40:34,186
She's a small town girl...
1490
01:40:35,847 --> 01:40:39,693
...and he's a pretentious European,
the worst kind.
1491
01:40:40,017 --> 01:40:42,111
Him and his Cole d'whatever.
1492
01:40:42,270 --> 01:40:45,945
And his decadent china.
I've seen it all before.
1493
01:40:46,107 --> 01:40:48,405
Aristotle Onassis was like this.
1494
01:40:48,568 --> 01:40:51,947
And all of the French.
Especially Mitterrand.
1495
01:40:52,280 --> 01:40:54,874
And the English.
Not Margaret Thatcher, of course.
1496
01:40:55,032 --> 01:40:58,957
But I bet John Major has something
on the side. And she can't handle it.
1497
01:40:59,120 --> 01:41:01,214
- Who?
- Mrs. Coleman.
1498
01:41:01,372 --> 01:41:03,466
Why should she care
about John Major?
1499
01:41:03,958 --> 01:41:06,928
No. Mrs. Coleman
can't handle him.
1500
01:41:07,086 --> 01:41:10,932
Coleman and his nasty
little European traditions.
1501
01:41:11,757 --> 01:41:15,227
And his snobbery. And that dig
about Grover's Corners.
1502
01:41:15,386 --> 01:41:17,104
Kevin, you're rambling.
1503
01:41:17,263 --> 01:41:21,564
Well, it makes me furious,
the contempt he has for her.
1504
01:41:21,726 --> 01:41:25,401
Did you see him when she talked?
He looked almost frightened.
1505
01:41:25,980 --> 01:41:30,110
He won't let her run the house.
He's in the kitchen. He serves.
1506
01:41:30,276 --> 01:41:33,246
He tells that beige
savage what to do.
1507
01:41:38,618 --> 01:41:39,619
What?
1508
01:41:39,785 --> 01:41:44,416
I'm so sorry.
I've ruined everything!
1509
01:41:44,582 --> 01:41:48,337
Don't be silly. No-one noticed the wig.
Where's the spirit gum?
1510
01:41:48,503 --> 01:41:49,846
They took everything away.
1511
01:41:50,004 --> 01:41:54,009
I have a barrette. If you don't move
your head, it might work.
1512
01:41:54,175 --> 01:41:56,849
Thank you.
You're a very sweet girl.
1513
01:41:57,512 --> 01:41:58,855
I'm so sorry, Val.
1514
01:42:00,181 --> 01:42:04,607
You didn't have this kind of sympathy
for poor Bessie Jackson!
1515
01:42:04,769 --> 01:42:06,897
Bessie Jackson is an
insensitive cow.
1516
01:42:07,063 --> 01:42:11,159
This woman is a lady.
You know, she'll be your in-law, too.
1517
01:42:11,317 --> 01:42:16,118
If he's so terrible, maybe your
daughter shouldn't marry his son!
1518
01:42:16,280 --> 01:42:20,456
He's not terrible in that way.
He won't get mixed up in some scandal.
1519
01:42:20,618 --> 01:42:24,088
- I've never really seen you before.
- What do you mean?
1520
01:42:24,247 --> 01:42:29,799
I don't even know who you are!
All you think about is your career.
1521
01:42:30,545 --> 01:42:32,843
And poor, little Mrs. Coleman.
1522
01:42:33,005 --> 01:42:36,054
Oh, please. You're just as worried
about my career as I am.
1523
01:42:36,217 --> 01:42:39,687
You're the one who pushed for the
marriage. Barbara can handle that boy.
1524
01:42:39,845 --> 01:42:41,847
She's a modern woman,
tough as nails.
1525
01:42:42,014 --> 01:42:45,985
Mrs. Coleman is just
very vulnerable.
1526
01:42:46,727 --> 01:42:49,981
It just breaks my heart. They don't
make woman like that anymore.
1527
01:42:53,234 --> 01:42:57,239
Hello! I'm home!
I forgot my key.
1528
01:42:57,405 --> 01:43:00,284
- Who is it?
- Val's mother, Mrs. Goldman.
1529
01:43:00,449 --> 01:43:02,872
Is Armand there?
1530
01:43:04,537 --> 01:43:07,040
- Val's mother?
- Mrs. Goldman?
1531
01:43:09,166 --> 01:43:13,046
So this is the whole story.
The bastard has a live-in mistress.
1532
01:43:13,212 --> 01:43:16,091
- I'll get the door.
- No, you're in the wrong house!
1533
01:43:18,050 --> 01:43:22,897
Good evening. May I take your purse,
as usual? Or...
1534
01:43:23,306 --> 01:43:24,933
...for the first time.
1535
01:43:25,099 --> 01:43:26,316
Thank you.
1536
01:43:26,475 --> 01:43:28,898
You must be Senator
and Mrs. Keeley.
1537
01:43:29,061 --> 01:43:33,988
Katharine Goldman. Delighted
to meet you. I'm sorry I'm so late...
1538
01:43:34,150 --> 01:43:38,371
Sorry to take so long, but Barbara...
What is she doing here?
1539
01:43:38,529 --> 01:43:39,655
Let me explain.
1540
01:43:39,822 --> 01:43:41,870
Please do.
Explain to all of us.
1541
01:43:42,033 --> 01:43:43,751
I don't want to
embarrass this lovely lady,
1542
01:43:43,909 --> 01:43:47,254
but how many
mothers does Val have?
1543
01:43:47,413 --> 01:43:49,006
What?
1544
01:43:49,165 --> 01:43:51,714
This woman introduced
herself as Val's mother.
1545
01:43:51,876 --> 01:43:54,720
How many mothers does he have?
1546
01:43:59,091 --> 01:44:00,388
Just one.
1547
01:44:05,097 --> 01:44:06,223
This is my mother.
1548
01:44:06,390 --> 01:44:11,738
My father owns the club downstairs.
My mother is the star.
1549
01:44:12,772 --> 01:44:13,819
What?
1550
01:44:14,732 --> 01:44:18,737
We lied to you, Barbara and I.
And everyone lied for us.
1551
01:44:19,487 --> 01:44:21,080
These are my parents.
1552
01:44:22,740 --> 01:44:24,492
This is my wife.
1553
01:44:25,493 --> 01:44:27,541
This is the lady who had Val.
1554
01:44:28,371 --> 01:44:29,793
Nice to meet you, Katharine.
1555
01:44:30,831 --> 01:44:32,128
Very nice, Val.
1556
01:44:32,291 --> 01:44:34,544
You've done a good job.
1557
01:44:35,127 --> 01:44:37,880
Thank you.
We're very proud of him.
1558
01:44:38,047 --> 01:44:39,390
I don't understand.
1559
01:44:39,548 --> 01:44:44,224
Barbara, the nightclub
downstairs, he owns it?
1560
01:44:46,097 --> 01:44:48,145
He's not a cultural attaché?
1561
01:44:50,059 --> 01:44:54,530
No. And he isn't married
to a housewife.
1562
01:44:54,689 --> 01:44:57,613
And their name is Goldman,
not Coleman.
1563
01:44:58,359 --> 01:44:59,360
They're Jewish.
1564
01:44:59,527 --> 01:45:01,279
I don't understand.
1565
01:45:02,988 --> 01:45:05,867
He's a man.
They're both men.
1566
01:45:06,033 --> 01:45:07,751
No. You can't be Jewish.
1567
01:45:07,910 --> 01:45:09,708
No, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin.
1568
01:45:09,870 --> 01:45:13,044
Kevin, this is a man.
1569
01:45:14,500 --> 01:45:15,672
What?
1570
01:45:15,835 --> 01:45:18,588
Don't you see? They're gay.
1571
01:45:18,754 --> 01:45:22,099
They own the drag club downstairs.
They're two men.
1572
01:45:25,928 --> 01:45:27,100
Senator Keeley...
1573
01:45:27,263 --> 01:45:32,815
...this may not help, but I want you
to know I meant every word I said
1574
01:45:32,977 --> 01:45:37,824
about a return to family values
and a stricter moral code.
1575
01:45:37,982 --> 01:45:39,404
I feel like I'm insane.
1576
01:45:39,567 --> 01:45:41,740
It's really very simple.
Armand and I...
1577
01:45:41,902 --> 01:45:44,280
She called you Mother Coleman.
1578
01:45:44,447 --> 01:45:47,621
Kevin, nothing has changed.
It's still me.
1579
01:45:47,783 --> 01:45:50,502
With one... tiny difference.
1580
01:45:52,079 --> 01:45:54,047
Well, not tiny.
1581
01:45:58,919 --> 01:46:00,216
I don't understand.
1582
01:46:00,379 --> 01:46:04,555
I'll explain in the car.
Come on, Barbara. Let's go.
1583
01:46:04,717 --> 01:46:06,685
I'm not coming.
1584
01:46:07,595 --> 01:46:10,269
Barbara, please don't
do this to me.
1585
01:46:11,223 --> 01:46:14,853
I may not be as vulnerable
as Mrs. Coleman...
1586
01:46:16,020 --> 01:46:18,148
...but I still have feelings.
1587
01:46:18,814 --> 01:46:21,693
Somebody has to like me best.
1588
01:46:24,361 --> 01:46:28,366
Take it easy, Louise.
Barbara, we're leaving now.
1589
01:46:30,242 --> 01:46:33,246
- You're coming with us.
- Daddy, please.
1590
01:46:33,829 --> 01:46:37,550
I've made your mother cry.
I'm up for re-election.
1591
01:46:37,708 --> 01:46:39,005
We're involved in a scandal.
1592
01:46:39,168 --> 01:46:42,718
I'm in the home of a gay couple
who own a drag club.
1593
01:46:43,214 --> 01:46:47,139
You want to get married, but
how many lives must you ruin to do it?
1594
01:46:53,557 --> 01:46:54,558
'An-
1595
01:46:56,143 --> 01:47:00,398
I would have liked
to have had you as my family.
1596
01:47:07,029 --> 01:47:10,033
I just want to say,
Mr. and Mrs., uh, Mr...
1597
01:47:11,450 --> 01:47:16,331
...whatever your name is, I hope
this doesn't influence your vote.
1598
01:47:18,332 --> 01:47:19,504
Senator Keeley!
1599
01:47:22,169 --> 01:47:23,295
Oh, no.
1600
01:47:24,296 --> 01:47:25,513
Did you get him?
1601
01:47:25,673 --> 01:47:27,641
I would have if you
hadn't said his name.
1602
01:47:27,800 --> 01:47:29,677
I wanted to make him turn.
1603
01:47:39,061 --> 01:47:40,313
Those vultures.
1604
01:47:43,274 --> 01:47:48,326
Another television van just arrived.
And a car. It says Florida Eagle.
1605
01:47:48,487 --> 01:47:50,535
Oh, that's just print news.
1606
01:47:50,781 --> 01:47:53,204
I can see the headline:
"Senator Jackson
1607
01:47:53,367 --> 01:47:55,995
and His Women;
Senator Keeley and His Men."
1608
01:47:56,161 --> 01:47:57,458
It's perfectly innocent.
1609
01:47:57,621 --> 01:48:02,673
You came to meet the parents of the
boy that Barbara wants to marry.
1610
01:48:02,835 --> 01:48:07,261
Louise, people in this country
don't care about details.
1611
01:48:07,423 --> 01:48:08,766
All they trust are headlines.
1612
01:48:08,924 --> 01:48:10,765
Well, if I can
put in my two cents,
1613
01:48:10,885 --> 01:48:13,685
what do they have? It's their word
against yours that you're even here.
1614
01:48:13,804 --> 01:48:17,274
Yes, but at some point,
I'll have to leave.
1615
01:48:17,433 --> 01:48:19,936
People will notice if
I'm never seen again.
1616
01:48:20,102 --> 01:48:23,857
Another television crew.
And they're going into the club!
1617
01:48:24,023 --> 01:48:27,869
Wouldn't you know it?
The one night I don't perform...
1618
01:48:28,110 --> 01:48:30,158
Can I get anyone some soup?
1619
01:48:30,321 --> 01:48:31,447
No!
1620
01:48:32,948 --> 01:48:35,918
- Daddy, I'm sorry.
- I know.
1621
01:48:36,076 --> 01:48:37,498
Senator?
1622
01:48:38,871 --> 01:48:41,670
- Another shot for you?
- I don't really drink.
1623
01:48:41,832 --> 01:48:45,678
Yeah, but...
now is the time to pretend.
1624
01:48:47,296 --> 01:48:49,173
Give me some candy, Louise.
1625
01:48:50,174 --> 01:48:53,053
Couldn't the Keeleys slip out
at the end of the show?
1626
01:48:53,218 --> 01:48:56,313
No, they're waiting for that.
They'd be recognized.
1627
01:48:59,350 --> 01:49:01,227
Not necessarily.
1628
01:49:29,046 --> 01:49:31,469
A big hand for our girls.
1629
01:49:31,632 --> 01:49:36,604
As we come to the end of our show,
you are family, too, so sing along.
1630
01:49:36,762 --> 01:49:38,890
♪ We are family
1631
01:49:40,849 --> 01:49:42,897
♪ I got all my sisters with me
1632
01:49:44,853 --> 01:49:46,776
♪ We are family
1633
01:49:48,857 --> 01:49:51,360
♪ Get up, everybody, and sing
1634
01:50:46,248 --> 01:50:47,716
Will they keep waiting?
1635
01:50:47,875 --> 01:50:51,925
They have to. There's no story
if they don't get him coming out.
1636
01:50:52,296 --> 01:50:54,173
♪ Get up, everybody, and sing
1637
01:51:12,399 --> 01:51:14,572
♪ We are family
1638
01:51:16,028 --> 01:51:18,577
♪ I got all my sisters with me
1639
01:51:20,074 --> 01:51:22,122
♪ We are family
1640
01:51:24,078 --> 01:51:26,206
♪ Get up, everybody, and sing
1641
01:51:28,123 --> 01:51:30,125
♪ We are family...
1642
01:51:44,640 --> 01:51:48,611
Work it. Sell it.
Own it. Go, girlfriend.
1643
01:51:51,939 --> 01:51:52,986
Come on.
1644
01:52:00,447 --> 01:52:02,950
♪ We are family
1645
01:52:08,080 --> 01:52:10,879
♪ We are family
1646
01:52:20,175 --> 01:52:22,849
I've never danced with a man before.
1647
01:52:23,428 --> 01:52:25,556
There's always a first time.
1648
01:52:27,307 --> 01:52:28,399
Perdóname.
1649
01:52:30,727 --> 01:52:33,776
No one will dance with me.
It's this dress.
1650
01:52:33,939 --> 01:52:35,816
I knew white would
make me look fat.
1651
01:52:35,983 --> 01:52:38,702
What about me? I'm as
pretty as these other guys.
1652
01:52:38,861 --> 01:52:41,580
- Dance?
- Not you. Barbara.
1653
01:52:41,738 --> 01:52:45,663
Don't go. I don't want to be
the only girl not dancing.
1654
01:52:45,868 --> 01:52:49,418
Just head for the door.
We'll be out of here soon.
1655
01:52:50,372 --> 01:52:52,841
Care to dance... baby?
1656
01:53:48,639 --> 01:53:52,485
Meet me in 20 minutes at the
corner of El Dorado and Palm.
1657
01:53:52,643 --> 01:53:55,021
Lady, not for a million dollars.
1658
01:55:00,460 --> 01:55:03,464
Bob Dole is gorgeous!
1659
01:55:11,763 --> 01:55:13,515
Which one is the mother?
1660
01:55:16,768 --> 01:55:18,395
I just don't know.
1661
01:55:19,604 --> 01:55:20,821
Mazel tov.
1662
01:55:21,690 --> 01:55:24,239
As a sign of your union,
you may kiss the bride.
1663
01:55:33,869 --> 01:55:35,462
I'm sorry.127147
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