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1
00:00:02,872 --> 00:00:06,832
Uh, the truth is, my father
was a very flawed parent
2
00:00:06,876 --> 00:00:09,183
and a very flawed husband.
3
00:00:09,226 --> 00:00:12,273
Heck, he was very flawed man.
4
00:00:13,056 --> 00:00:15,450
But that did not stop him
5
00:00:15,493 --> 00:00:19,062
from trying his level best
at all three.
6
00:00:19,106 --> 00:00:20,933
[Chuckles]
7
00:00:20,977 --> 00:00:23,110
[Sighs]
8
00:00:23,153 --> 00:00:25,938
You were a complicated man, sir.
9
00:00:25,982 --> 00:00:30,291
But you very lived hard
and in that passion for life.
10
00:00:30,334 --> 00:00:32,771
Well, therein lies the lesson
11
00:00:32,815 --> 00:00:36,253
for those of us that --
that you left behind.
12
00:00:36,297 --> 00:00:39,169
[Inhales, exhales sharply]Wow.
13
00:00:39,213 --> 00:00:41,824
First I was like, "Where
is he going with this
George Brett story?"
14
00:00:41,867 --> 00:00:43,869
But you really tied it
together really nicely.
15
00:00:43,913 --> 00:00:46,785
Yeah. It's what I call an LBA --
a Load-Bearing Anecdote.
16
00:00:46,829 --> 00:00:48,787
I thought
you hated your father.
17
00:00:48,831 --> 00:00:50,485
Oh, I do. I did.
18
00:00:50,528 --> 00:00:53,357
He treated me and my sister
like we were an old dirty napkin
19
00:00:53,401 --> 00:00:55,446
that you'd use to pick up
a piece of dog shit
20
00:00:55,490 --> 00:00:56,882
by the side of the road.
21
00:00:56,926 --> 00:01:00,060
But you know, he's gone,
so time to move on.
22
00:01:00,103 --> 00:01:03,672
This is more emotional maturity
than I'd expect from you.
23
00:01:03,715 --> 00:01:05,239
I'm in a pretty good place,
Charles.
24
00:01:05,282 --> 00:01:08,111
I mean, not in terms of
my career or my love life
25
00:01:08,155 --> 00:01:10,635
or the frequency of
my bowel movements.
26
00:01:10,679 --> 00:01:12,289
But I've made peace
with my past.
27
00:01:12,333 --> 00:01:14,204
You know, seeing Lucy last year,
that taught me
28
00:01:14,248 --> 00:01:16,337
that your past can only
hurt you if you let it.
29
00:01:16,380 --> 00:01:19,122
This eulogy, this is, uh --
It's my opportunity
30
00:01:19,166 --> 00:01:22,560
to show my family just exactly
how much I have matured.
31
00:01:22,604 --> 00:01:23,822
[Inhales]
32
00:01:23,866 --> 00:01:25,781
We have a game
in two hours.
33
00:01:25,824 --> 00:01:28,479
Shit. Well,
better perk up then, huh?
34
00:01:28,523 --> 00:01:29,915
[Inhales]
35
00:01:29,959 --> 00:01:33,049
Hey, you know, if the funeral
is on Monday,
36
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:36,966
you're gonna have to
miss a game.
37
00:01:37,009 --> 00:01:38,837
And Raj is gonna have to
replace you.
38
00:01:38,881 --> 00:01:41,797
[Scoffs] Really?
Well, what can I say?
39
00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:44,626
Some things are just
a little bit more
important than baseball.
40
00:01:44,669 --> 00:01:47,194
I'm...proud of you.
[Swallows]
41
00:01:48,586 --> 00:01:51,415
Is that a binder
full of eulogies?
42
00:01:51,459 --> 00:01:54,331
Oh, yes, Charles. Part of my job
as a seasoned orator
43
00:01:54,375 --> 00:01:56,681
is to be able to speak
eloquently about the dead
44
00:01:56,725 --> 00:01:58,422
on a moment's notice.
45
00:01:58,466 --> 00:02:00,120
You have one
written about me?
46
00:02:00,163 --> 00:02:02,948
Mm. [Swallows]
Yes, I do.
47
00:02:02,992 --> 00:02:09,999
♪♪
48
00:02:12,306 --> 00:02:15,178
[Swallows, sighs]
49
00:02:16,527 --> 00:02:17,920
This is beautiful.
50
00:02:17,963 --> 00:02:20,923
♪♪
51
00:02:20,966 --> 00:02:24,100
Why don't you say any of this
to my face?
52
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:27,059
Well, for the dead,
I have poetry, Charles.
53
00:02:27,103 --> 00:02:31,151
For the living,
my sincerest apologies.
54
00:02:31,194 --> 00:02:38,158
♪♪
55
00:02:38,723 --> 00:02:41,552
Well, thank you for the ride
from the airport, my friend.
56
00:02:41,596 --> 00:02:43,337
So, how much
do you make?
57
00:02:43,380 --> 00:02:45,339
How much do I make?
58
00:02:45,382 --> 00:02:47,689
I'm doing all right lately.
Why?
59
00:02:47,732 --> 00:02:50,474
So, $1,000 is, like,
nothing to you?
60
00:02:50,518 --> 00:02:52,607
Do you need $1,000?
Is that it?
61
00:02:52,650 --> 00:02:54,086
I wouldn't turn it down.
62
00:02:54,130 --> 00:02:55,566
You know, son,
I'm not sure
63
00:02:55,610 --> 00:02:57,568
this is the way you're
supposed to treat family.
64
00:02:57,612 --> 00:02:59,396
You don't have to
give it to me...
65
00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:01,790
if you know my first name.
66
00:03:01,833 --> 00:03:04,619
Ah, shit, you told it to me,
too, didn't ya?
67
00:03:04,662 --> 00:03:06,969
Goddamn it.
68
00:03:07,012 --> 00:03:08,666
What is your first name,
anyway?
69
00:03:08,710 --> 00:03:11,800
It's Jim.
I'm named after you.
70
00:03:11,843 --> 00:03:13,367
Good God.
71
00:03:13,410 --> 00:03:15,238
Here, there's --
That's $1,100.
72
00:03:15,282 --> 00:03:17,719
Why don't we
just call it even?
73
00:03:26,815 --> 00:03:28,251
Hello?
74
00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:31,254
Is that my brother?
75
00:03:31,298 --> 00:03:33,300
Yeah.
76
00:03:35,258 --> 00:03:36,868
Hey, Jean.
77
00:03:38,261 --> 00:03:40,394
What the hell
are you doing here?
78
00:03:40,437 --> 00:03:42,918
Well, you know,
great to see you, too.
79
00:03:42,961 --> 00:03:45,225
I told you Dad died
out of respect.
80
00:03:45,268 --> 00:03:47,052
I didn't think you'd actually
have the balls
81
00:03:47,096 --> 00:03:49,490
to come into this house.Don't get upset, all right?
82
00:03:49,533 --> 00:03:51,274
I'm not here to make a scene,
I promise.
83
00:03:51,318 --> 00:03:53,842
I let go of my anger at Dad
a long time ago.
84
00:03:53,885 --> 00:03:56,888
I -- You know, I-I've put
the past behind me, Jean.
85
00:03:56,932 --> 00:03:58,629
Yeah?
Well, I haven't.
86
00:03:58,673 --> 00:04:01,023
Your meltdown
made me a laughingstock,
87
00:04:01,066 --> 00:04:03,591
brought shame
to the Brockmire name.
88
00:04:03,634 --> 00:04:06,202
I'm sorry I brought shame
to House Brockmire, Jean.
89
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:08,291
Boy, I didn't realize
we were in Winterfell here.
90
00:04:08,335 --> 00:04:11,947
I'm just glad my sons
have my husband's name.
91
00:04:11,990 --> 00:04:14,036
Isn't Norm's last name
Glasscock?
92
00:04:15,211 --> 00:04:17,126
Yeah.
93
00:04:17,169 --> 00:04:19,563
My grandson Harry
has a scar
94
00:04:19,607 --> 00:04:21,870
where a bully
threw a glass dildo at his head.
95
00:04:21,913 --> 00:04:23,219
Do you know how hard it is
96
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,308
to find a glass dildo
in the Ozarks?
97
00:04:25,352 --> 00:04:27,789
The kid's full name
is Harry Glasscock?
98
00:04:27,832 --> 00:04:29,573
Yeah. And still,
99
00:04:29,617 --> 00:04:32,620
his life is still better than
if it were Harry Brockmire.
100
00:04:32,663 --> 00:04:36,798
My only comfort is the Brockmire
name dies with you.
101
00:04:36,841 --> 00:04:38,234
Boy.
102
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:40,149
For a funeral,
this is getting pretty dark.
103
00:04:40,192 --> 00:04:41,846
No one asked you to come.
104
00:04:41,890 --> 00:04:44,458
I have a right to be --
He's my father, too, okay?
105
00:04:44,501 --> 00:04:46,460
And I seem to remember,
back in the day, you people
106
00:04:46,503 --> 00:04:48,288
were all over me
when you wanted something,
107
00:04:48,331 --> 00:04:51,378
like, uh, Royals tickets
or bail money
108
00:04:51,421 --> 00:04:53,467
or Dan Quisenberry-autographed
cleats.
109
00:04:53,510 --> 00:04:55,382
But as soon as my life
went into the toilet,
110
00:04:55,425 --> 00:04:57,122
y'all were nowhere to be found,
huh?
111
00:04:57,166 --> 00:04:58,428
You know, believe it or not,
I was going through
112
00:04:58,472 --> 00:05:00,169
quite a lot back then.
Oh.
113
00:05:00,212 --> 00:05:01,953
Could've used -- Yeah, could've
used a little bit of support.
114
00:05:01,997 --> 00:05:04,260
You were going
through a lot?
Yeah!
115
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:07,350
Norm has had prostate cancer
twice.
116
00:05:07,394 --> 00:05:10,135
My daughter abandoned
my grandson on the doorstep.
117
00:05:10,179 --> 00:05:12,312
And when Dad he got sick,
he moved in here.
118
00:05:12,355 --> 00:05:14,488
If you think he was an asshole
when he was living,
119
00:05:14,531 --> 00:05:17,229
he really kicked it up a notch
when he was dying.
120
00:05:17,273 --> 00:05:20,929
Plus...I'm a homosexual.
121
00:05:22,191 --> 00:05:23,627
Holy shit, Jean.
122
00:05:23,671 --> 00:05:26,369
I mean, I-I knew you were gay,
I just --
123
00:05:26,413 --> 00:05:28,023
I didn't know
that you knew.
124
00:05:28,066 --> 00:05:30,678
Of course I knew.
What was I gonna do about it?
125
00:05:30,721 --> 00:05:33,681
After a botched epidural
on my third kid,
126
00:05:33,724 --> 00:05:36,379
I lost all feeling
in my vagina.
127
00:05:36,423 --> 00:05:39,817
Plus, I'm a middle-aged woman
living in the Ozarks.
128
00:05:39,861 --> 00:05:41,732
Well, fair enough.
129
00:05:41,776 --> 00:05:44,474
Looks like life dealt us both
a pretty bad poker hand,
130
00:05:44,518 --> 00:05:46,781
and, uh, it turns out
we were playing UNO, huh?
131
00:05:46,824 --> 00:05:49,392
The difference is
I don't whine about it.
132
00:05:49,436 --> 00:05:52,482
You know, of course life sucks.
You just gotta put one foot
in front of the other
133
00:05:52,526 --> 00:05:55,050
and carry your burdens on
your back until they crush you.
134
00:05:55,093 --> 00:05:57,400
You don't get on a microphone
and cry about it
135
00:05:57,444 --> 00:05:59,054
like a little bitch.
136
00:05:59,097 --> 00:06:01,273
[Doorbell rings]
Norm?
137
00:06:01,317 --> 00:06:02,971
Will you get that?
138
00:06:05,234 --> 00:06:06,714
Hey.
139
00:06:06,757 --> 00:06:07,976
Jim?
140
00:06:08,019 --> 00:06:10,892
Hey, Norm.
141
00:06:10,935 --> 00:06:13,329
[Laughs]
142
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:16,332
Why, I see, uh, he's still
quite the chatty Cathy, huh?
143
00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:18,508
Unlike some people,
Norm doesn't talk
144
00:06:18,552 --> 00:06:20,423
unless he has something
to say.
145
00:06:20,467 --> 00:06:23,034
He's a great man.
He is my rock.
146
00:06:23,078 --> 00:06:24,775
Norm, hon?
147
00:06:24,819 --> 00:06:28,605
I love you...
like the brother I never had.
148
00:06:30,259 --> 00:06:32,087
Okay, I can see that
this weekend's
149
00:06:32,130 --> 00:06:34,742
turning into a series
of body blows to ol' Jim.
150
00:06:34,785 --> 00:06:38,180
So, uh, I'm gonna need biblical
amounts of booze, Jean.
151
00:06:38,223 --> 00:06:40,835
Not particular.
Any of your grain-based alcohols
152
00:06:40,878 --> 00:06:42,271
will do very nicely.
153
00:06:42,314 --> 00:06:46,884
Um, scotch, whiskey,
rye, bourbon, whatever.
154
00:06:46,928 --> 00:06:48,582
Vodka?
155
00:06:48,625 --> 00:06:50,584
How 'bout gin?
I mean, it's primarily a berry.
156
00:06:50,627 --> 00:06:52,890
This is a dry house.
157
00:06:52,934 --> 00:06:54,849
[Door closes]
What?
158
00:06:54,892 --> 00:06:56,198
Mm-hmm.
159
00:06:56,241 --> 00:06:57,765
Jean, matching
drink for drink --
160
00:06:57,808 --> 00:07:00,289
That's the only way we can
tolerate each other's company.
161
00:07:00,332 --> 00:07:02,726
I've been sober
for 10 years.
162
00:07:02,770 --> 00:07:05,468
Holy shit.
163
00:07:05,512 --> 00:07:07,905
I mean, my favorite thing
about you
164
00:07:07,949 --> 00:07:10,908
is that you're
a mildly amusing drunk.
165
00:07:10,952 --> 00:07:13,824
Hey, these are for
the invitedguests.
166
00:07:13,868 --> 00:07:15,435
Just stay out of the way
167
00:07:15,478 --> 00:07:17,480
and try not to make an ass
out of yourself.
168
00:07:17,524 --> 00:07:19,656
[Indistinct talking]
169
00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:22,659
Thank you, baby, for coming.
Thank you so much.
170
00:07:22,703 --> 00:07:24,095
[Sighs]
171
00:07:24,139 --> 00:07:26,533
[Clicks tongue]
172
00:07:27,838 --> 00:07:29,797
Hey, folks.
173
00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:35,716
♪♪
174
00:07:35,759 --> 00:07:40,024
Come on, Dad, talk to me.
Talk to me.
175
00:07:40,068 --> 00:07:42,113
Come on.
176
00:07:42,157 --> 00:07:42,984
[Groans]
177
00:07:43,027 --> 00:07:46,335
[Grunts]
178
00:07:46,378 --> 00:07:47,379
Come on.
179
00:07:48,598 --> 00:07:50,600
Oh, yes!
180
00:07:50,644 --> 00:07:54,125
I knew you had a stash here
somewhere. Ha!
181
00:07:54,169 --> 00:07:57,389
Oh, rum? Really?
Goddamn it.
182
00:07:57,433 --> 00:08:00,784
Still drinking sugar alcohol
like a child.
183
00:08:00,828 --> 00:08:03,091
Oh!
184
00:08:03,134 --> 00:08:05,397
♪♪
185
00:08:05,441 --> 00:08:08,226
Oh, God. [Spits]
186
00:08:08,270 --> 00:08:11,316
[Dog barks in distance]Mm!
187
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:15,233
[Cellphone vibrating] ♪ Take me out
to the ball game ♪
188
00:08:15,277 --> 00:08:19,150
♪ Take me out with the crowd
189
00:08:19,194 --> 00:08:20,935
♪ Buy me some... Hey, Jim.
How's it going?
190
00:08:20,978 --> 00:08:22,197
It's not good, Charles.
191
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:23,546
I made a tremendous mistake
coming here.
192
00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:25,592
My entire family
hates my guts.
193
00:08:25,635 --> 00:08:28,203
Please tell me that Raj
is doin' terribly.
194
00:08:28,246 --> 00:08:29,813
Hey, just the ladies!
Just the ladies!
195
00:08:29,857 --> 00:08:30,814
♪ Buy me some peanuts
and Cracker Jacks ♪
196
00:08:30,858 --> 00:08:32,903
Fellas,
stop being so selfish.
197
00:08:32,947 --> 00:08:36,037
♪ I don't care
if I never get back ♪
198
00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:37,212
Yeah, no. They're definitely not
sparking to him.
199
00:08:37,255 --> 00:08:38,474
♪ Root, root, root
for the... ♪
200
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,563
Oh, thank God something good
happened today.
201
00:08:40,607 --> 00:08:43,000
Charles,
I'm already down $1,100,
202
00:08:43,044 --> 00:08:44,698
and there's nothing here
to drink but rum.
203
00:08:44,741 --> 00:08:47,875
This literally
could not get any worse.
204
00:08:47,918 --> 00:08:51,313
Okay, it just got significantly
worse, Charles.
205
00:08:51,356 --> 00:08:53,837
Lucy just got here!
Lucy is here!
206
00:08:53,881 --> 00:08:55,578
Holy shit!
207
00:08:55,622 --> 00:08:57,754
Holy shit. ♪ Take me out
to the ball game ♪
208
00:08:57,798 --> 00:08:59,800
Okay, you can do this.
209
00:08:59,843 --> 00:09:01,715
♪ Take me out
with the crowd ♪Remember what you said --
210
00:09:01,758 --> 00:09:03,368
The past can only hurt you
if you let it.
211
00:09:03,412 --> 00:09:05,283
[Exhales deeply] Okay.
212
00:09:05,327 --> 00:09:07,503
All right, thank you, Charles.
That helped a lot.
213
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:10,637
Uh, I love you, Charles.
214
00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:14,162
♪ If they don't win,
it's a shame ♪
215
00:09:14,205 --> 00:09:15,772
Really?
You're gonna leave me hanging?
216
00:09:15,816 --> 00:09:16,773
♪ Three strikes you're out
at the old ball game ♪
217
00:09:16,817 --> 00:09:20,037
You're more than
just a boss to me.
218
00:09:20,081 --> 00:09:22,474
I'll take it, but you
done me dirty, Charles.
219
00:09:22,518 --> 00:09:25,913
Raj: All right, here we go.
Three, two, one!
220
00:09:25,956 --> 00:09:27,915
[Funeral music plays]
221
00:09:27,958 --> 00:09:31,179
Uh [chuckles] what the hell
are you doing here?
222
00:09:31,222 --> 00:09:33,311
I have a Google alert
on my phone
223
00:09:33,355 --> 00:09:35,531
for the phrase
"Jim Brockmire dead."
224
00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:37,925
My God.
Charles has one of those, too.
225
00:09:37,968 --> 00:09:40,623
When I found it was your father,
I still wanted to come.
226
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:42,843
I remember how difficult
your relationship was.
227
00:09:42,886 --> 00:09:44,279
Here's the thing, Lucy.
228
00:09:44,322 --> 00:09:46,281
These people are already
treating me
229
00:09:46,324 --> 00:09:48,065
like I'm some kind of
a child molester.
230
00:09:48,109 --> 00:09:50,633
Now, you being here, huh,
is only gonna make that worse.
231
00:09:50,677 --> 00:09:52,504
It doesn't matter
what they think.
232
00:09:52,548 --> 00:09:54,506
Jim, I wanted to
be here for you.
233
00:09:54,550 --> 00:09:56,770
Okay, well, be here for me here,
all right?
234
00:09:56,813 --> 00:10:00,643
And I'm gonna be --
I'll be in there.
235
00:10:03,254 --> 00:10:04,647
Jim Brockmire!
236
00:10:04,691 --> 00:10:07,128
Yeah. Hey, friend,
how are you doin'?
237
00:10:07,171 --> 00:10:08,695
Are you
one of Dad's cousins?
238
00:10:08,738 --> 00:10:10,348
Oh, no.
Never met the man.
239
00:10:10,392 --> 00:10:12,002
Just wanted to take a picture
with the freakshow.
240
00:10:12,046 --> 00:10:14,396
[Camera shutter clicks]
241
00:10:14,439 --> 00:10:17,094
Great.
Nice to meet you.
242
00:10:18,139 --> 00:10:20,663
Harlot want a cracker?
243
00:10:20,707 --> 00:10:22,970
No, thank you.
244
00:10:23,013 --> 00:10:26,974
I can give it to you
in a to-go bag.
245
00:10:27,017 --> 00:10:29,498
[Funeral music plays]
246
00:10:29,541 --> 00:10:35,373
♪♪
247
00:10:35,417 --> 00:10:36,679
Hey.
248
00:10:36,723 --> 00:10:38,202
Oh, hey.
249
00:10:38,246 --> 00:10:41,423
Folks are, uh, being pretty hard
on you, huh?
250
00:10:41,466 --> 00:10:43,294
People here don't get
my way of life.
251
00:10:43,338 --> 00:10:46,167
Hey, you didn't fly
all the way back here
252
00:10:46,210 --> 00:10:48,299
just for this, did you?Well, yeah.
253
00:10:48,343 --> 00:10:50,258
Why, Lucy [chuckles]
I don't know
254
00:10:50,301 --> 00:10:52,173
that I would've done
the same thing for you.
255
00:10:52,216 --> 00:10:54,784
You didn't.
Mom died six years ago.
256
00:10:54,828 --> 00:10:56,699
Dad, five.
257
00:10:56,743 --> 00:11:01,573
I'm so sorry. God,
I always liked your folks, too.
258
00:11:01,617 --> 00:11:05,752
Hey, did my public rant
and, uh, meltdown about you --
259
00:11:05,795 --> 00:11:08,493
Was that very upsetting
for them?
260
00:11:08,537 --> 00:11:10,191
It was tough for a while.
261
00:11:10,234 --> 00:11:16,110
I'm sorry about that, too.
Boy, I never meant to hurt them.
262
00:11:16,153 --> 00:11:17,372
Just you.
263
00:11:17,415 --> 00:11:19,287
I know.
264
00:11:19,330 --> 00:11:21,724
You know, it got better
before they were gone.
265
00:11:21,768 --> 00:11:25,336
They finally learned
to accept me as I am.
266
00:11:25,380 --> 00:11:27,077
Well, I guess in a way,
267
00:11:27,121 --> 00:11:29,514
I kind of brought y'all
closer together, then, huh?
268
00:11:29,558 --> 00:11:31,560
No, Jim.
That's insane.
269
00:11:31,603 --> 00:11:33,693
You are not the hero
of this story.
270
00:11:33,736 --> 00:11:35,129
My parents are.
271
00:11:35,172 --> 00:11:39,002
Well...it's good
to see you, Lucy.
272
00:11:39,046 --> 00:11:42,789
That sounded strange the second
it came out of my mouth.
273
00:11:44,094 --> 00:11:46,140
How can I help you
through this?
274
00:11:46,183 --> 00:11:47,924
I'm -- I'm fine, really.
275
00:11:47,968 --> 00:11:50,492
I'm just here to give my father
a decent eulogy, you know,
276
00:11:50,535 --> 00:11:52,450
just let everybody know
that I accept him
277
00:11:52,494 --> 00:11:54,365
for who he was,
warts and all.
278
00:11:54,409 --> 00:11:57,412
Jim,
that's really beautiful.
279
00:11:57,455 --> 00:12:00,284
It's so great to know that,
even after everything he did,
280
00:12:00,328 --> 00:12:03,418
today will be
all about forgiveness.
281
00:12:03,461 --> 00:12:06,203
Jean: All right, let's get
this asshole in the ground!
282
00:12:06,247 --> 00:12:08,118
Come on.
[Chuckles]
283
00:12:08,162 --> 00:12:10,686
[Rain falling,
funeral music plays]
284
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,949
[Sighs]
285
00:12:12,993 --> 00:12:16,997
♪♪
286
00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:19,303
Oh, boy.
287
00:12:19,347 --> 00:12:22,132
[Exhales deeply]
288
00:12:22,176 --> 00:12:24,787
So many feelings, Goddamn it.
289
00:12:24,831 --> 00:12:29,052
♪♪
290
00:12:29,096 --> 00:12:30,837
Daddy.
291
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:33,404
♪♪
292
00:12:33,448 --> 00:12:35,276
What are you doing?
293
00:12:35,319 --> 00:12:37,060
I'm just saying goodbye,
Jean.
294
00:12:37,104 --> 00:12:38,801
That's not him.
295
00:12:38,845 --> 00:12:42,500
I-I know that his soul
no longer, you know,
296
00:12:42,544 --> 00:12:44,328
technically inhabits his body,
but --
297
00:12:44,372 --> 00:12:46,417
No, that's not him.
298
00:12:46,461 --> 00:12:48,985
Dad's in the casket
over there.
299
00:12:49,029 --> 00:12:51,640
What?
Who the hell is this?
300
00:12:51,683 --> 00:12:53,468
I have no idea.
Ugh!! Got --
301
00:12:53,511 --> 00:12:55,383
Got dead-guy makeup
in my mouth!
302
00:12:55,426 --> 00:12:58,299
Jesus Christ! God!
303
00:12:58,342 --> 00:13:01,258
Ugh!
304
00:13:01,302 --> 00:13:02,825
Is that him?
305
00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:07,090
W-Why the hell is he so bloated?
What, did he die in a river?
306
00:13:07,134 --> 00:13:11,399
No. This is what happens when
you drink yourself to death.
307
00:13:11,442 --> 00:13:13,618
All right,
message received.
308
00:13:13,662 --> 00:13:15,795
Stay away from rum.
309
00:13:15,838 --> 00:13:17,231
My God.
310
00:13:17,274 --> 00:13:19,537
Okay, it's time.
311
00:13:19,581 --> 00:13:22,976
Well, um, are you gonna
speak first, or, uh, should I?
312
00:13:23,019 --> 00:13:26,066
No. No one but the preacher
is speaking.
313
00:13:26,109 --> 00:13:27,632
What do you mean?
314
00:13:27,676 --> 00:13:30,461
I mean, we're having the funeral
because that's what you do.
315
00:13:30,505 --> 00:13:33,508
Don't make this
more than it is.
316
00:13:33,551 --> 00:13:35,336
Jean, what do you mean,
"more than it is"?
317
00:13:35,379 --> 00:13:36,859
No, I worked hard
on this eulogy.
318
00:13:36,903 --> 00:13:39,209
I got a tight 25 minutes
here.
319
00:13:39,253 --> 00:13:42,734
I mean, I guess if I lose the
George Brett fishing anecdote,
320
00:13:42,778 --> 00:13:44,780
I could drop
maybe three minutes.
321
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,913
But, uh, no, that sets up
all of act three.
322
00:13:46,956 --> 00:13:48,697
No, I take it back.
I cannot cut anything.
323
00:13:48,740 --> 00:13:50,699
In fact, with laughter
and applause, you know,
324
00:13:50,742 --> 00:13:52,657
it's probably gonna balloon up
to about 30 minutes.
325
00:13:52,701 --> 00:13:54,659
You haven't changed at all.
I knew you'd end up
326
00:13:54,703 --> 00:13:55,878
trying to make today
about yourself.
327
00:13:55,922 --> 00:13:57,532
Just keep your mouth shut.
328
00:13:57,575 --> 00:13:58,968
Let's get this over with.
329
00:13:59,012 --> 00:14:00,752
With any luck,
we can make it to Fuddruckers
330
00:14:00,796 --> 00:14:03,190
before the lunch special
ends.
Wait, Jean.
331
00:14:03,233 --> 00:14:05,279
Why won't you let me
just honor our father?
332
00:14:05,322 --> 00:14:06,933
Because
he doesn't deserve it!
333
00:14:06,976 --> 00:14:08,412
You wanna say something
about Dad,
334
00:14:08,456 --> 00:14:10,806
maybe you should see what
he said about you first.
335
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,416
What do you mean?
336
00:14:12,460 --> 00:14:15,332
This is Dad's goodbye letter
to you.
337
00:14:15,376 --> 00:14:17,813
I wasn't gonna deliver it
because I wanted to protect you.
338
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:20,511
Mine was horrible,
and I was his favorite.
339
00:14:20,555 --> 00:14:23,079
But if you still want to "honor"
him after you've read this,
340
00:14:23,123 --> 00:14:25,516
knock yourself out.
341
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:27,823
"Dear Fuck Face.
342
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:30,782
I never thought I could hate
a child, until I met you."
343
00:14:30,826 --> 00:14:32,915
It gets worse from there.
344
00:14:32,959 --> 00:14:35,918
Oh!
345
00:14:35,962 --> 00:14:37,137
Oh!
346
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:45,493
We will all miss
Jim Brockmire, Sr. --
347
00:14:45,536 --> 00:14:49,714
husband, father, employee,
348
00:14:49,758 --> 00:14:53,109
a man observed
by all around him.
349
00:14:53,153 --> 00:14:56,112
Born many years ago...
350
00:14:56,156 --> 00:14:59,072
I'm sure it's not that bad.
Let me see it.
351
00:15:01,074 --> 00:15:03,511
Oh, my God.
352
00:15:03,554 --> 00:15:08,081
I can't even believe --
It's so toxic!
353
00:15:08,124 --> 00:15:11,562
Well,
welcome to my childhood.
354
00:15:11,606 --> 00:15:14,652
Jim, do not look at this again.
Do not even hold it.
I know.
355
00:15:14,696 --> 00:15:17,307
I want to stare into
the sun of his cruelty
356
00:15:17,351 --> 00:15:19,831
till it is burned into
my frontal lobe, okay?
357
00:15:19,875 --> 00:15:21,572
I will never, ever again
358
00:15:21,616 --> 00:15:24,053
let time soften my memory
of that man.
359
00:15:24,097 --> 00:15:25,620
Jim...
360
00:15:25,663 --> 00:15:28,231
Can you believe I wanted
to give him a nice eulogy?
361
00:15:28,275 --> 00:15:32,583
I oughta burn his casket down
to ashes, is what I should do.
362
00:15:32,627 --> 00:15:34,672
Not literally.
363
00:15:34,716 --> 00:15:36,457
Jim Brockmire...
364
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:38,328
What do you think
that is, uh, teak?
365
00:15:38,372 --> 00:15:41,549
Jim enjoyed
the daily things.
366
00:15:41,592 --> 00:15:45,205
Jim, you have a choice.
367
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:49,861
You could look
at the positive --
368
00:15:49,905 --> 00:15:52,038
Even though
it wasn't a lovefest,
369
00:15:52,081 --> 00:15:54,431
you reconnected
with your sister.
370
00:15:54,475 --> 00:15:57,565
Plus, you and I
are in a better place.
371
00:15:57,608 --> 00:15:59,784
So, you can focus on that.
372
00:15:59,828 --> 00:16:01,047
[Sighs]
373
00:16:01,090 --> 00:16:03,571
Or you could focus
on the negative,
374
00:16:03,614 --> 00:16:06,791
go up there,
shit all over your father,
375
00:16:06,835 --> 00:16:09,316
and accomplish
absolutely nothing
376
00:16:09,359 --> 00:16:12,667
except making everything more
painful than it already is.
377
00:16:14,364 --> 00:16:16,845
You're absolutely right.
378
00:16:16,888 --> 00:16:19,108
Jim most assuredly --
379
00:16:19,152 --> 00:16:21,328
Guess I should've given him
a third option.
380
00:16:21,371 --> 00:16:26,463
Yet, here we are, just the same,
uh, to pay --
381
00:16:27,856 --> 00:16:32,600
Bringing in a closer, Preach.
You can hit the showers.
382
00:16:32,643 --> 00:16:33,905
You're relieved, seriously.
383
00:16:33,949 --> 00:16:36,560
Thank you.
384
00:16:36,604 --> 00:16:38,475
I'm sorry, but, um,
385
00:16:38,519 --> 00:16:40,303
if we're gonna say goodbye
to Dad here today,
386
00:16:40,347 --> 00:16:42,566
I just thought, uh,
that somebody should get up here
387
00:16:42,610 --> 00:16:45,308
and utter something that
at least resembled the truth.
388
00:16:45,352 --> 00:16:47,832
I mean, no offense, Preach,
but that was some straight-up
389
00:16:47,876 --> 00:16:50,966
zero-calorie baby food
you were spooning out there.
390
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,273
[Sighs]
391
00:16:55,188 --> 00:16:57,799
I have no positive memories
of my father.
392
00:16:57,842 --> 00:16:59,975
Seriously, not one.
393
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:02,717
He wasn't so much a dad
as he was just this --
394
00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:05,807
this angry creep
who would stalk around the house
395
00:17:05,850 --> 00:17:07,417
on evenings and weekends.
396
00:17:07,461 --> 00:17:09,637
So he tried to find some peace
every day
397
00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:12,074
during what he called
"Tiki Time."
398
00:17:12,118 --> 00:17:16,339
Tiki Time was when he'd go out
to this old bamboo bar
399
00:17:16,383 --> 00:17:18,298
that he had constructed
out in the garage,
400
00:17:18,341 --> 00:17:20,387
and he would throw back Mai Tais
out there.
401
00:17:20,430 --> 00:17:22,389
Now, we never were allowed
to disturb him then
402
00:17:22,432 --> 00:17:26,915
because, as Dad liked to put it,
Tiki Time was paradise.
403
00:17:26,958 --> 00:17:30,310
But one night,
I desecrated Tiki Time
404
00:17:30,353 --> 00:17:32,355
when I went out there to
tell him that he had forgotten
405
00:17:32,399 --> 00:17:34,401
to feed us kids dinner
that night.
406
00:17:34,444 --> 00:17:36,838
So, he stormed back
into the house,
407
00:17:36,881 --> 00:17:38,448
and he nuked up some fish sticks
408
00:17:38,492 --> 00:17:40,102
till they were just
hotter than the sun,
409
00:17:40,146 --> 00:17:42,104
and then screamed into our faces
410
00:17:42,148 --> 00:17:44,715
when we wanted to wait
for them to cool down.
411
00:17:46,152 --> 00:17:48,328
[Taps podium]
412
00:17:51,374 --> 00:17:52,984
I don't remember anything
after that
413
00:17:53,028 --> 00:17:55,465
except for, well, waking up
in the emergency room,
414
00:17:55,509 --> 00:17:58,729
where Jean and I
had, uh, third-degree burns.
415
00:18:00,122 --> 00:18:03,952
[Inhales deeply]
I guess things might've been
easier if Mom had stuck around,
416
00:18:03,995 --> 00:18:05,867
but, you know,
I never blamed her leaving.
417
00:18:05,910 --> 00:18:08,130
Hell, I ran away
the first chance that I got,
418
00:18:08,174 --> 00:18:11,655
uh, which left my sister, Jean,
at home holding the bag.
419
00:18:11,699 --> 00:18:16,007
And by "bag," of course,
I am referring to shithead
down there.
420
00:18:16,051 --> 00:18:18,227
[Chuckles]
Somehow though, Jean,
421
00:18:18,271 --> 00:18:20,534
y-you came out of that
in better shape than I did.
422
00:18:20,577 --> 00:18:22,275
I don't know how you did that.
423
00:18:22,318 --> 00:18:24,146
I guess it's 'cause
you were wise enough
424
00:18:24,190 --> 00:18:26,714
to surround yourself
with a family of your own.
425
00:18:26,757 --> 00:18:29,151
[Taps podium, chuckles]
I mean, don't get me wrong.
426
00:18:29,195 --> 00:18:32,154
I wouldn't trade places with you
if you put a shotgun
in my mouth,
427
00:18:32,198 --> 00:18:36,071
but, uh, no, I still envy you
all the same.
428
00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:39,030
And you were right.
You were right.
I have not changed.
429
00:18:39,074 --> 00:18:41,816
I managed to make this moment
all about myself, didn't I?
430
00:18:41,859 --> 00:18:45,124
But what can I say?
I'm not over my past, obviously,
431
00:18:45,167 --> 00:18:47,604
and still quite trapped by it.
432
00:18:47,648 --> 00:18:50,259
But, you know, very difficult
for scars to heal
433
00:18:50,303 --> 00:18:52,783
when the knife's still stickin'
out of the wound there, huh?
434
00:18:52,827 --> 00:18:54,698
[Chuckles]
435
00:18:54,742 --> 00:18:56,613
That past isn't really the past,
anyway, is it?
436
00:18:56,657 --> 00:18:59,007
I mean, is it?
Nobody changes.
437
00:18:59,050 --> 00:19:02,445
Nobody actually matures.
I mean, uh, he didn't.
438
00:19:02,489 --> 00:19:06,188
He remained a monster
till the day he died.
439
00:19:06,232 --> 00:19:08,190
And now he even looks like one.
440
00:19:08,234 --> 00:19:10,149
[Sighs]
441
00:19:10,192 --> 00:19:13,369
Anywhoodles, Dad's gone.
442
00:19:13,413 --> 00:19:17,591
I guess now it really is
Tiki Time, huh?
443
00:19:17,634 --> 00:19:19,723
♪ Was blind
444
00:19:19,767 --> 00:19:21,029
Drink up.
445
00:19:21,072 --> 00:19:28,079
♪ But now I see
446
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:31,822
[Sighs]
447
00:19:34,347 --> 00:19:37,088
I went with the second option
there.
448
00:19:39,526 --> 00:19:41,528
[Chuckles]
449
00:19:41,571 --> 00:19:44,357
Okay, all right.
450
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:45,880
[Sighs]
451
00:19:45,923 --> 00:19:47,838
Thank you, Lucy.
That --
452
00:19:47,882 --> 00:19:50,624
Boy, it's so weird where
we're in a place where
that actually --
453
00:19:50,667 --> 00:19:53,888
That just gave me
some comfort.
454
00:19:53,931 --> 00:19:57,718
I still feel, uh,
pretty awful, though.
455
00:19:57,761 --> 00:20:01,243
Would you feel better
if we had sex?
456
00:20:01,287 --> 00:20:05,247
No. What? Are you just --
Are you horny all of the time?
457
00:20:05,291 --> 00:20:08,511
Yes. It's my defining
characteristic.
458
00:20:08,555 --> 00:20:10,426
As much as I'd love
to show you everything
459
00:20:10,470 --> 00:20:12,515
that I learned in
the knock shops of Manila,
460
00:20:12,559 --> 00:20:14,474
my dad's letter is still kind of
stripping the paint
461
00:20:14,517 --> 00:20:15,866
right off of my insides.
462
00:20:15,910 --> 00:20:17,825
So, I-I'm just not sure
I could handle
463
00:20:17,868 --> 00:20:21,959
whatever emotional minefield
that sex with you might be.
464
00:20:22,003 --> 00:20:23,439
Fair enough.
465
00:20:23,483 --> 00:20:25,528
Oh, Jim.
466
00:20:25,572 --> 00:20:27,530
[Smooches]
467
00:20:27,574 --> 00:20:29,532
Take care of yourself.
468
00:20:29,576 --> 00:20:30,925
You, too.
469
00:20:30,968 --> 00:20:34,537
♪♪
470
00:20:34,581 --> 00:20:35,799
[Sighs]
471
00:20:35,843 --> 00:20:37,584
[Water splashing]
472
00:20:37,627 --> 00:20:39,847
♪♪
473
00:20:39,890 --> 00:20:42,371
Hey!
You must be Harry, huh?
474
00:20:42,415 --> 00:20:44,591
I-I'm your uncle, Jim.
475
00:20:44,634 --> 00:20:47,376
Look, son, I know life's been
very difficult for ya
476
00:20:47,420 --> 00:20:49,900
growing up Glasscock
and everything.
477
00:20:49,944 --> 00:20:53,164
But, uh, believe it or not,
it's only gonna get worse.
478
00:20:53,208 --> 00:20:56,646
See, in life, you can't ever
really stop the pain.
479
00:20:56,690 --> 00:20:59,823
The best you can hope to do
is just limit it a little bit.
480
00:20:59,867 --> 00:21:02,696
So, for crying out loud,
don't be a Harry.
481
00:21:02,739 --> 00:21:06,047
Be a Harold, all right?
Okay?
482
00:21:06,090 --> 00:21:08,441
Be a Harold!
483
00:21:09,529 --> 00:21:10,921
[Sighs]
484
00:21:10,965 --> 00:21:17,972
♪♪
485
00:21:23,456 --> 00:21:30,463
♪♪
486
00:21:35,598 --> 00:21:37,948
Can I get a hug, Jean?
487
00:21:37,992 --> 00:21:39,559
No.
488
00:21:39,602 --> 00:21:45,304
♪♪
34061
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