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1
00:00:08,280 --> 00:00:10,039
I'll get a taxi to the pavement, shall I?
2
00:00:10,040 --> 00:00:12,719
How does two o'clock on
Wednesday sound?
3
00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:14,119
Er, no.
4
00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:16,239
I don't think this is
working out, Warren.
5
00:00:16,240 --> 00:00:18,239
What do you mean,
it's not working out?
6
00:00:18,240 --> 00:00:20,079
I'm not very happy with
you at the moment.
7
00:00:20,080 --> 00:00:22,279
Why, what have I done?
I mean, how long have you got?
8
00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:23,639
Well,
not that long, actually,
9
00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:25,919
since you spent half an hour
pissing around on the A6.
10
00:00:25,920 --> 00:00:29,319
See, this is exactly what...
Your satnav told us to go that way.
11
00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:31,119
Oh, it's
my satnav's fault, is it?
12
00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:32,919
Naughty
satnav, don't do that again.
13
00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:34,799
All right, well, what about
last week?
14
00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:37,719
I had to wait 25 minutes while
we picked your son up from school.
15
00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:38,919
He's
not my son.
16
00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:41,199
Look, Warren, I've decided
to go with Daz's Drivers.
17
00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:42,679
Daz's
Drivers?! He's crap.
18
00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:46,479
No, he's not, and he's got a website
where you can book lessons online...
19
00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:50,079
He hasn't had a single pass,
and he drives a Fiat.
20
00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:51,719
You can't
learn to drive in a Fiat.
21
00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:54,239
I know loads of people who
passed with him. Like who?
22
00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:55,959
Like Duncan Green.
He passed with him.
23
00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:57,559
Duncan
Green? Lying little sod.
24
00:00:57,560 --> 00:00:59,519
He told me he couldn't
afford lessons any more.
25
00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:02,119
Look, Warren, I just think it's best
if we go our separate ways.
26
00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:04,799
Go on, then. Get out. No,
look, Warren, I don't want to fall out...
27
00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:06,319
Go
On, off you go. Go on.
28
00:01:06,320 --> 00:01:09,239
Get on your website, make a date
with your new boyfriend Daz.
29
00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:11,840
And don't come crying to me when you
fail, you muppet.
30
00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:31,639
DOOR
OPENS AND CLOSES
31
00:01:31,640 --> 00:01:34,039
Hello, Warren.
Hello, Anne.
32
00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:36,120
Seen this? What's that?
33
00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:39,359
Oh,
you're having a laugh!
34
00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:41,479
How did that even get
on the front page?
35
00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:43,359
Betty Wellington
from across the road.
36
00:01:43,360 --> 00:01:44,639
Ain't
it good news?
37
00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:46,599
I know who it bloody is.
No, it isn't good news.
38
00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:48,639
I've lost six students
this week to that bloke.
39
00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:49,959
Well,
I think it's wonderful.
40
00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:51,799
She's got her independence
now, hasn't she?
41
00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:53,439
She shouldn't even be behind
the wheel.
42
00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:55,199
She's shot to pieces, the
doddery old cow.
43
00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:57,399
She came round here
a couple of months ago,
44
00:01:57,400 --> 00:02:01,159
spent the first ten minutes talking
to the bookcase. Don't exaggerate!
45
00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:02,639
Daz is
obviously very good.
46
00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:04,919
Charlie
loves him.
47
00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:06,759
What do you
mean, Charlie loves him?
48
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:09,359
Eh? What do
you mean, Charlie loves him?
49
00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:11,919
I... Anne?
Yeah?
50
00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:13,079
I know
when you're lying.
51
00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:15,399
Oh, Charlie's been having
a few lessons with Daz.
52
00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:16,479
Oh,
I don't believe it.
53
00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:18,599
You never even let him
in the driver's seat.
54
00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:20,159
He's not ready for
the driver's seat.
55
00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:23,039
He isn't
even a good passenger yet.
56
00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:26,039
You know he's got a website?
Charlie? No, Daz.
57
00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:28,039
You can book lessons
with him online.
58
00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:31,479
Oh, Warren, you'd look
great on a website.
59
00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:33,119
Why don't
you get your own one?
60
00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:34,799
Wouldn't
know where to start.
61
00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:37,120
Bet Danny could help
you. Where is he?
62
00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:41,640
Danny!
63
00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:51,680
Danny, I need you
to make me a website.
64
00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:54,999
Well, I can, but that
stuff takes ages.
65
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:56,719
I've got
to practise my clarinet.
66
00:02:56,720 --> 00:02:58,079
Shove
your clarinet.
67
00:02:58,080 --> 00:02:59,519
I'm
losing students.
68
00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:01,359
I need a website so people
can find me online.
69
00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:03,759
There's probably stuff about you
online already, Warren.
70
00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:05,799
Have you ever tried
googling yourself?
71
00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:08,520
No, I haven't, cos I'm not a sad bastard.
72
00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:12,599
Look, Warren Thompson
Driving School.
73
00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:13,919
157
reviews.
74
00:03:13,920 --> 00:03:16,319
Oh,
Warren, you're famous.
75
00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:18,279
Average
rating, 2.3 stars.
76
00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:20,439
Out of what? Ten. Ten?
77
00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:21,480
What's
it say?
78
00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:24,359
"Do not learn to drive
with this man.
79
00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:25,799
"We broke
down and he charged me
80
00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:27,919
"for the time it took the
RAC to tow us home."
81
00:03:27,920 --> 00:03:30,679
I should have charged her for
the bloody clutch as well.
82
00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:33,919
"Warren Thompson was nice at first,
but when one of my cheques bounced
83
00:03:33,920 --> 00:03:35,239
"he held
me hostage in his car
84
00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:37,959
"until my mum came out of
work with the cash."
85
00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:39,799
Hostage, my arse.
It was an hour, tops.
86
00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:42,759
At least he said
you were nice at first.
87
00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:44,799
Actually,
maybe we should...
88
00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:45,879
What is it?
89
00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:48,599
"Warren
Twatson Driving School?"
90
00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:49,759
What's
that?
91
00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:52,119
It looks like someone's made
a Facebook page about you.
92
00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:53,999
Yeah, but that's not
your surname, Warren.
93
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:55,119
It
Must be someone else.
94
00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:58,239
No, there's a picture of Warren
here in stockings and suspenders.
95
00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:01,199
Oh, when did you take
that? I didn't, Anne.
96
00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:04,119
Someone's just put
my head on that photo.
97
00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:06,959
Oh, God, all this stuff
on the internet.
98
00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,999
I can't afford to lose any more
students, Anne, I'll go bankrupt.
99
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,399
Don't
be silly.
100
00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:14,039
Danny can get on with
your website tonight.
101
00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:16,919
We could make some flyers, go hand
them out around town tomorrow.
102
00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:19,479
Do you think that'd help?
Couldn't do any harm, I guess.
103
00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:21,479
Yeah,
everything will be fine.
104
00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:23,759
Oh, here he is,
Judas bloody Iscariot.
105
00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:26,359
What are you on about?
What are you on about?
106
00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:28,440
Daz's
Drivers ring any bells?
107
00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:30,759
Cheers
for that, Mum.
108
00:04:30,760 --> 00:04:33,519
Sorry, love, it just came
out. I'm glad it did.
109
00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:36,159
You want to watch yourself there.
I've heard things about him.
110
00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:38,999
Like what? I heard he
punched a student in the stomach once
111
00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:40,679
just for stalling.
You just made that up.
112
00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:42,799
No, I haven't. Happened to a
mate of mine's brother.
113
00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:44,799
You don't know him.
Well, it's not true.
114
00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:47,079
Daz is a really nice guy
and he actually lets me drive
115
00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:48,999
like a normal instructor,
not like you.
116
00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:51,999
You're a tosser. Oh, I'm
a tosser. Did you hear that? I'm a tosser.
117
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,039
I'm the tosser who puts the
food on the table
118
00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:56,759
that you shove in your stupid, fat face.
119
00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:59,039
Charlie, don't call
Warren a tosser, please.
120
00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:02,439
"I booked a two-hour driving lesson
with Warren Thompson and we spent
121
00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:04,439
"the first hour waiting
for his MOT to be done."
122
00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:06,000
All right,
Danny, give it a break.
123
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:26,559
ON PHONE: Daz's Drivers?
124
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,759
BAD WEST COUNTRY ACCENT:
Oh, hello there.
125
00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:30,519
Is that
Daz's Drivers? Oh, good.
126
00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:33,839
I'd like to book some
driving lessons, please.
127
00:05:33,840 --> 00:05:34,879
Well,
I'm very keen.
128
00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:36,999
Maybe I could book you
for a whole afternoon.
129
00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:38,520
What
about Wednesday?
130
00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:40,800
Or
Thursday, then.
131
00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:43,279
Or Friday.
132
00:05:43,280 --> 00:05:45,399
IN OWN ACCENT: Well, no wonder
you're all booked up,
133
00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:48,880
you've been pinching everyone
else's students, you wanker!
134
00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:12,239
Anne, are you going help me, or are
you just going to gossip all day?
135
00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:14,039
Oh,
Warren, this is Maggie.
136
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,839
She was just telling me that Paula
with the crutches from Peacocks
137
00:06:16,840 --> 00:06:19,599
has started seeing Barry with the
glasses from the Co-op. Right.
138
00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:21,999
He's only just split up with his
wife because she found him
139
00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:24,519
in bed with that one who works
part-time at the library.
140
00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:26,919
I'm sorry, love, what's
this got to do with me?
141
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,799
Well, Maggie says Barry
lives next door to Daz.
142
00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:32,519
Oh,
right. Go on.
143
00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:34,879
Well, no, that's it,
he just lives next door to Daz.
144
00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:36,399
Christ, Anne. Just trying to help.
145
00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:38,679
Well, you want to tell
Barry to be careful, Maggie,
146
00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:41,239
living next door to Daz, cos I've
heard that him and his missus
147
00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:42,879
like to chuck their keys
in the old bowl,
148
00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:44,480
if
You catch my drift.
149
00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:51,839
Hello,
there.
150
00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:53,759
I'm Warren
Thompson. I'm a local...
151
00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:54,799
Councillor?
152
00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:56,039
We
Know who you are.
153
00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:58,679
You lot only show up when there's
a bloody election on.
154
00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:00,879
Aye,
Tory, no doubt.
155
00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:03,199
It were you lot that changed
the bin collection times.
156
00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:04,519
No,
I'm not a councillor.
157
00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:07,999
I've got to go to the tip myself
now, just to get rid. At his age!
158
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,519
You've got me wrong.
I'm not even a bloody Tory.
159
00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:12,319
Yes, you are.
What?
160
00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:13,519
You
are a Tory.
161
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:16,479
You voted Tory last election,
and the one before.
162
00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:19,439
Oh, all right, I've voted for them
before, but... See?
163
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,239
Bloody
Tory!
164
00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:22,559
Look
at my leaflets, mate.
165
00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:24,559
We don't
want to know, mate.
166
00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:26,959
Take your
leaflet and bugger off.
167
00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:28,159
Right,
Anne, we're going.
168
00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:29,319
And
don't come back.
169
00:07:29,320 --> 00:07:31,079
I
Won't come back.
170
00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:32,120
Up yours.
171
00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:36,279
Oh, I
just can't believe that.
172
00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:38,079
I know, they wouldn't
let me get a word in.
173
00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:39,479
Every
two weeks for the bins.
174
00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:40,920
Must
be a nightmare.
175
00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:43,359
What's
that?
176
00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:44,880
Oh,
no, Warren, stop.
177
00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:56,559
What is it?
178
00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:57,999
Aw,
it's a cat.
179
00:07:58,000 --> 00:07:59,959
Oh,
no. Is it dead?
180
00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:02,679
Yeah,
poor little bugger.
181
00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:04,039
Has
it got a collar?
182
00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:05,759
No.
183
00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:08,399
Who does that, just
drives off like that?
184
00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:10,999
Oh, love, we can't
just leave him here.
185
00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:13,479
Maybe we should take him to the
vet, see if he's got a chip.
186
00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:15,559
Yeah,
that's a good idea.
187
00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:16,839
Come on.
188
00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:18,799
Aw. Mr Fluffy!
189
00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:21,399
What
have you done?
190
00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:22,879
Oh,
my God, we're sorry.
191
00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:24,559
We
Are so sorry.
192
00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:25,959
Hang on
a minute, no, we're not.
193
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:28,999
We just found it like this.
He was my best friend!
194
00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:30,879
We'll buy
you a new one, darling.
195
00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:33,999
We bloody won't buy them a new one,
we never killed this one!
196
00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:36,359
We'll get you a new cat, I
promise. Anne!
197
00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:39,439
It would be nice if the pig who
ran over Mr Fluffy
198
00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:41,559
actually had the decency
to apologise.
199
00:08:41,560 --> 00:08:44,439
I found the bloody thing.
I didn't run it over!
200
00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:45,639
It's
been dead for hours.
201
00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:47,159
Look, it's
stiff as board. Feel it!
202
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:49,039
What is
wrong with you, you moron?
203
00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:50,359
What's
wrong with me?
204
00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:54,039
I'll tell you what's wrong with
me, I've found a dead cat
205
00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:56,119
and somehow now I have to
fork out for a new one!
206
00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:59,799
We'll get you a new cat, I promise.
Please don't cry. No, we won't.
207
00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:01,239
Anne,
get in the car.
208
00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:02,319
Here,
take it.
209
00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:04,919
There
you go.
210
00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:06,959
I'm going to the Preston
Observer about you.
211
00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:10,959
Good luck with that.
You don't even know who I am.
212
00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:12,119
Oh,
bollocks.
213
00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:13,799
We'll get
you a new cat, I promise.
214
00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:14,839
Anne!
215
00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:16,280
Come on.
216
00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:28,599
Bloody disaster.
No, it wasn't.
217
00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:30,919
Well, it could've gone
better, I suppose,
218
00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:33,479
but
think of the positives.
219
00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:34,560
You
met Maggie.
220
00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:38,080
Oh,
congratulations, Betty!
221
00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:42,640
Oh, I mean,
how did she even pass?
222
00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:49,279
Do you
need a hand, Betty, love?
223
00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:51,519
Yep,
you've got loads of room.
224
00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:55,399
Yep, you're all right now,
come on, yeah, now,
225
00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:58,120
just
left a little...
226
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:03,039
We're in the lounge, Anne.
What are they doing here?
227
00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:05,319
Oh, I don't know, who
knows? Anne?
228
00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:08,039
Well, I mean, I might've
mentioned something
229
00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:11,079
about your work not going so
great recently,
230
00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:13,439
and then
maybe Mam said something
231
00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:15,719
about her and dad lending
you a bit of money.
232
00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:18,519
Well, what did you do that for?
I'm not a charity case!
233
00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:21,879
No, I know, just make
sure you say thank you.
234
00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:25,079
Hiya, Mam, hiya, Dad.
Hello, love.
235
00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:26,239
Hello. Where have you been?
236
00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:27,959
Oh, just
in town, bit of a drama.
237
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:31,359
Warren got banned from the street
for changing the bin times,
238
00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:32,479
and
then he ran over a cat.
239
00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:34,159
I
Didn't run over a cat.
240
00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:36,279
Why did you change
the bin times, Warren?
241
00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:38,319
I didn't change the bin
times, Sheila,
242
00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:41,719
they thought I was someone else.
Sorry, where have you been?
243
00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:43,119
In town.
244
00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:47,359
He ran over a cat,
and then he changed the bin times.
245
00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:49,079
Oh,
right. Lovely.
246
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:50,319
Sit
down a second, Warren.
247
00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:54,159
I think Mam and Dad wanted
to mention something to you.
248
00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:57,399
Well, we've heard that things
aren't going too well at work
249
00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:59,359
for
you recently, Warren,
250
00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:02,919
what with that nice new man
starting up in town.
251
00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:04,879
He is not a nice man.
He is part of a cult.
252
00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:07,119
Well, we didn't want to see
you going without,
253
00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:09,679
so we thought we'd give
you a bit of money,
254
00:11:09,680 --> 00:11:11,399
just to
see that you're all right.
255
00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:13,399
Yeah, thanks, Sheila,
I don't need any m...
256
00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:16,919
Here you are, Danny.
Give that to Warren.
257
00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:19,479
Right, there you go,
Danny. Look, we're saved.
258
00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:21,359
Nanny's given us a
fiver. Warren...
259
00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:23,199
We are going to Disneyland after all.
260
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:24,319
Warren,
what do you say?
261
00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:26,319
Thank you, Sheila,
that's very kind of you.
262
00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:32,999
They're right. Let's get the kettle
on, shall we? Come on.
263
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,239
Just pay it back
whenever you're ready.
264
00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:36,400
All
right, Bill.
265
00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:40,799
We're all thinking
about you, Warren.
266
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:42,320
Thanks
again, Sheila.
267
00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:45,039
How's
the website going?
268
00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:46,919
Well, I've
bought you a domain name,
269
00:11:46,920 --> 00:11:50,359
and I've managed to get your online
rating up to 3.1. Is that all?
270
00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:51,999
Warren,
it was a losing battle
271
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:55,919
even before people found out you
killed that cat. I didn't...!
272
00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:57,159
What?!
273
00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:59,199
How did
that get there so quick?
274
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,679
Oh, there's a hashtag
for you and everything.
275
00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:04,599
But I've made you a Facebook
page. How's that doing?
276
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:06,919
Well, you've got one
follower so far,
277
00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:08,119
and
that's Nanny.
278
00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:09,519
When
did she get Facebook?
279
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:11,919
I signed her up. She wanted to
see the Warren Twatson page.
280
00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:14,079
Oh,
for Christ's sake!
281
00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:15,680
I'm
gonna have a bath.
282
00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:19,359
That's
their drive.
283
00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:22,839
So, yep, no, forward,
do something with the wheel.
284
00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:26,239
Either
would do, either would do!
285
00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:28,599
Yep, and then pull
left. Pull left!
286
00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:30,959
Pull left.
287
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:32,519
That's
their drive.
288
00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:35,919
Doesn't matter,
it's just pavement...
289
00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:38,240
RUNNING
WATER IN BATHROOM
290
00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:46,360
ON PHONE: Daz's
Drivers? Wanker!
291
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,719
Oh,
it'll be all right, love.
292
00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:58,239
It's
just been a bad month.
293
00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:00,879
They say you're only three bad
months away from being homeless.
294
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:02,039
Oh,
don't worry about that.
295
00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:03,999
Me mam said me and the boys
can move in with them.
296
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:05,679
Oh,
you're all right, then?
297
00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:08,279
Look, love, I was thinking,
maybe you could try,
298
00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:10,880
just, you
know, maybe being a bit...
299
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:14,639
I don't
know, nicer to people?
300
00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:15,919
Oh,
don't you start.
301
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:17,439
Just
hear me out, Warren.
302
00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:20,359
I know how kind and thoughtful
you are. I see how much you do
303
00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:22,919
for me and the boys,
the way you always put us first,
304
00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:25,799
the way you'd die for us.
Well, no, I wouldn't go that far...
305
00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:27,239
But
it's just sometimes,
306
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:31,319
to other people, you can come across
as a bit, well, rude. Like when?
307
00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:34,639
Well, like when you had a row
with that lad in Morrisons
308
00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:36,919
for taking too long to pay
for his chocolate bar.
309
00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:40,839
Anne, he was counting the cash
out, penny by penny.
310
00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:42,360
He
Was seven, Warren.
311
00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:48,519
Why don't you try just making
a real effort to be nice to people,
312
00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:50,759
just
for now?
313
00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:53,679
All right, I'll try extra hard
to be nice to people.
314
00:13:53,680 --> 00:13:54,880
Good
idea, love.
315
00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:06,080
He just should have had his cash
ready, that's all I'm saying.
316
00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:17,119
So, I've got to admit, Warren,
I wasn't sure how you'd feel
317
00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:20,159
about taking me back
after, you know.
318
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:22,719
Oh, you're a cracking student,
Ashley, I'm lucky to have you.
319
00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:25,999
Probably should have checked
to see whether Daz actually
320
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:30,639
had any availability before I just
told you I was leaving like that.
321
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:33,799
I think you've had a lucky
escape, actually.
322
00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:35,959
I've heard he doesn't let his
students use the brakes
323
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:38,200
because
it wears down the pads.
324
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:43,479
Wow, that move up to
third from second,
325
00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:45,839
that
was sensational, Ashley.
326
00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:48,399
That's
how I've always done it.
327
00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:51,519
I don't think I've said
how good it was before.
328
00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:54,159
When are you taking your test
again? Tuesday.
329
00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:57,999
Oh, you'll nail it, Ashley,
with moves like that.
330
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,439
Right, what's going on?
What do you mean?
331
00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:03,119
Well, you're just being
sort of nice. Yeah?
332
00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:07,399
Yeah, almost friendly.
Am I? I hadn't noticed.
333
00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:09,159
I'm
always like that.
334
00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:10,399
Why
don't you go online,
335
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:12,679
leave a review about
what a good teacher I am?
336
00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:15,079
Er,
if you want me to.
337
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,119
Well,
only if you want to.
338
00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:19,320
Yeah, all right.
Fantastic.
339
00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:25,000
Oh, look who it is,
Daz's bloody Drivers.
340
00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:33,839
PHONE RINGS
341
00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:35,999
Daz's Drivers?
Wanker!
342
00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:37,839
Oh,
for... Goodness' sake.
343
00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:39,239
Another
prank call?
344
00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:40,959
All
the bloody time.
345
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:42,639
I must
be getting ten a day.
346
00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:43,799
I
Reckon it was him
347
00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:46,879
that stole the sign off the
roof of my car as well.
348
00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:48,599
Seriously?
That's crazy.
349
00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:51,479
And he's been spreading rumours
about me around town.
350
00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:53,799
My neighbour knocked
on my door last night,
351
00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:56,239
asking if he could join
the next swingers party.
352
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:58,359
Do you have any idea who's doing
it? Not a clue.
353
00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:01,879
The coward always
withholds his number.
354
00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:04,719
I swear, Charlie,
I'm not a violent man,
355
00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:06,959
but if I
ever got my hands on him,
356
00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:09,119
I don't think I'd be able
to control myself.
357
00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:11,519
I don't blame you.
It sounds like he deserves it.
358
00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:15,359
See, it doesn't just affect me.
It affects my wife and my child.
359
00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:20,599
These calls are coming through
at all hours and waking us up.
360
00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:23,440
I can't remember the last time
I had a good night's sleep.
361
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:32,520
HE
MOUTHS SILENTLY
362
00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:36,759
I bet they're having a whale
of a time in there,
363
00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:38,199
laughing
at my expense.
364
00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:39,399
I'm
sure they're not.
365
00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:41,239
Apparently, Daz is a really
nice guy.
366
00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:45,319
Oh, yeah, you northerners,
you always stick together.
367
00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:47,439
All
right, I'm just saying!
368
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,759
Geez, you being friendly
didn't last very long, did it?
369
00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:52,239
Well, what's the point
when nasty bits of work
370
00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:53,799
like
that keep winning?
371
00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:57,480
Indicating left in the middle
lane. That's a minor.
372
00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:00,199
Oh, for...
373
00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:03,199
When
did you run over a cat?
374
00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:05,719
I didn't run over a cat!
That's not what the sign says.
375
00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:06,760
Shut up!
376
00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:09,079
Hello,
Warren.
377
00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:10,799
Anne,
they made a sign!
378
00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:11,919
Who's
made a sign?
379
00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:14,719
Kids, the bloody bastard
kids with their cat!
380
00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:16,679
What do you mean,
they've made a sign?
381
00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:18,599
They've made a bloody great
20 foot sign
382
00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:21,919
that says, "Warren Thompson killed
our cat!" Well, don't panic.
383
00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:24,719
People might think it's a
different Warren Thompson.
384
00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:26,079
Or
Warren Twatson.
385
00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:27,279
Shut
your face!
386
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:29,199
Anne,
we've got to get it down!
387
00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:30,359
I'm
losing customers!
388
00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:32,839
Er, the brown and white one, I think. What?
389
00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:35,799
What are you on about?
Sorry, love?
390
00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:36,919
Where
are you?
391
00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:40,239
Er,
just in town.
392
00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:42,159
Has he had his jabs?
What?
393
00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:43,239
Did
you say jabs?
394
00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:46,239
No, no, I don't think so.
What are you getting in town?
395
00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:50,159
Nothing,
just... a vase.
396
00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:53,319
You're doing it again, I know
when you're lying, Anne.
397
00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:55,519
Oh, Warren, I'm buying
them kids a new cat.
398
00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:57,799
We have to replace it. We promised
and I'm buying it now,
399
00:17:57,800 --> 00:17:58,959
so
There's no going back.
400
00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:01,599
Don't you dare. Which one are you
at, Wonderful World of Pets?
401
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:02,919
Too
late, I'm buying him now.
402
00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:05,999
All right, Ashley, pull over.
I'm driving from here.
403
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:07,319
What?
No, not again. What...
404
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:08,879
Oh,
Warren, this is my lesson!
405
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,799
Get your
arse out of that seat!
406
00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:11,840
Go on!
407
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:20,680
Hang on!
408
00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:24,319
Anne!
409
00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:29,279
What
are you doing?
410
00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:31,399
Warren, we have
to replace their cat.
411
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:32,519
No,
we bloody don't!
412
00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:34,999
I've felt guilty ever since.
Go and give it back!
413
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:36,999
Can we get on with my lesson, Warren?
Shut up!
414
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:38,879
He is
not ours to give back!
415
00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:41,799
I'm sorry, sir, but you can't park
here without a disabled badge.
416
00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:43,279
Warren... Anne, this is madness!
417
00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:46,039
I'm going to have to ask you to
move your vehicle immediately.
418
00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:48,839
I'm not putting him back.
We promised them.
419
00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:50,759
No,
you promised them.
420
00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:53,999
Warren, this is stupid.
I am paying for this lesson. Shut up!
421
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:56,519
I'm afraid I'm going
to have to fine you, sir.
422
00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:59,679
Take the cat back! Stop shouting,
you're frightening him! Anne!
423
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:03,519
My
Reputation's in tatters!
424
00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:07,319
My blood pressure's through the
roof, and all you can do
425
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:11,440
is go around giving
people pissing cats! Ooh!
426
00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:22,120
Come
on, my love.
427
00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:29,319
"Local driving instructor
pretends to be Tory councillor,
428
00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:32,559
"kills cat and then abuses parking
attendant on day of retirement."
429
00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:35,039
Well, they do say all
publicity is good publicity!
430
00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:37,399
Well, thank you for calling,
love, I'll let him know.
431
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:39,199
That
was another one.
432
00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:41,239
Who was it this time? Laura. Oh!
433
00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:43,759
Said she saw the paper and
didn't want to be associated
434
00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:47,039
with a... cat-killing scumbag,
so she's gone with Daz's Drivers.
435
00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:48,559
What
am I going to do?
436
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:50,559
If Ashley
passes this afternoon,
437
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:53,759
I have lost 15 pupils this
month, 15!
438
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:55,080
To
The same bloke!
439
00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:57,959
Danny, how's
that website coming on?
440
00:19:57,960 --> 00:19:59,039
Well,
it's coming along,
441
00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:01,279
but we've had some more bad
reviews come in
442
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:03,279
after you swore at that
man retiring.
443
00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:06,039
How was I supposed
to know he was retiring?
444
00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:08,919
What about Facebook? Oh,
I'm glad you mentioned Facebook, actually,
445
00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:11,439
I found some good things on
there. Really?
446
00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:15,119
Yeah, the first one
is a photo of you driving
447
00:20:15,120 --> 00:20:17,359
through a retirement
party, laughing.
448
00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:20,239
The second one is a picture of you
holding a gun to a cat's head
449
00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:22,639
while wearing your
Tory party rosette. Anne!
450
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:24,799
And the third one is a
petition titled,
451
00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:27,639
"Get this cat-killing scumbag off
our streets," which is basically
452
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:30,599
a petition to get you banned
from Preston, which I have signed.
453
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:31,640
Shut up!
454
00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:34,479
Why is
that cat still here?
455
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:37,119
Well, I took it to that family
yesterday, and they said
456
00:20:37,120 --> 00:20:38,399
they
didn't want it in the end.
457
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:41,159
They didn't want it, after she
stitched me up in the paper?
458
00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:43,639
Why
didn't they want it?
459
00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:48,599
Well, the lady said she doesn't
want charity off, erm...
460
00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:51,559
Cat-killing scumbag?
It was "cat-killing scumbag," yeah.
461
00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:56,759
Oh! Right, I've got to take
Ashley for his test.
462
00:20:56,760 --> 00:21:00,520
We're not keeping it,
Anne, we're not.
463
00:21:03,360 --> 00:21:09,520
We can't take you back now,
can we, Mr Fluffy 2?
464
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:15,359
Sure you want to do this?
You look a bit nervous.
465
00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:16,759
I am
nervous, but I think I'll...
466
00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:18,799
Well, maybe you shouldn't
do your test today.
467
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:21,759
I think I should probably take
you home, book you some more lessons
468
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:23,359
and wait
until you're really ready.
469
00:21:23,360 --> 00:21:25,599
No, I think I'll be fine.
I feel confident.
470
00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:28,199
All right, make your bloody mind
up. Ashley Akins?
471
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:30,079
Yeah. Hiya,
Warren. You all right, Bob?
472
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:31,919
Yeah, won't be long,
eh? Wish him luck.
473
00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:35,359
Yep, good luck, you'll be
fine. Yeah.
474
00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:37,680
Watch
this one, mate. He's crap.
475
00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:03,159
ON PHONE: Daz's Drivers?
476
00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:06,040
Wanker!
477
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:11,199
Have I
had an accident at work?
478
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:16,120
Oh, I wish, yeah! Anyway, you have
a nice one, all right, cheers.
479
00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:26,839
Morning, Julie. Hello,
Daz. You all right, love?
480
00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:29,159
Are you still getting
those weird calls?
481
00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:30,999
Oh, don't.
482
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:33,439
I've literally just
had one a second ago.
483
00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:35,040
Do you
know who that bloke is?
484
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:42,559
How did you get on? Passed.
Passed? Yeah.
485
00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:44,639
Christ's
sake, you passed him?
486
00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:48,039
With flying colours, actually.
He were very good.
487
00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:49,079
Let
me double-check.
488
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:51,959
How did he get on at roundabouts?
He panics at roundabouts.
489
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:54,079
Fine.
Emergency stop was good.
490
00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:55,799
You got
a minor here for mirrors.
491
00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:57,999
Mirrors, yeah, but it's just
a minor, you know, so...
492
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:00,639
Just a minor? That used to be a
major. Are you new here?
493
00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:03,199
You
know I'm not, Warren!
494
00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:06,440
All right, chill out, Bob. Go on,
Ashley, you can drive home.
495
00:23:09,360 --> 00:23:11,319
Oi, Thompson!
Drive!
496
00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:14,600
I want a word with you! What? Just go!
497
00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:22,400
I know
it was you, you bastard!
498
00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:27,840
Why's he chasing us?
I told you, he's a psycho!
499
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:36,839
Come on, Ashley, put your foot
down! It's 30 miles an hour.
500
00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:39,880
Sod 30 miles an hour, this bloke's
going to rip my head off!
501
00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:45,079
Come on!
502
00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:48,919
Overtake them. I
can't! Go in the bus lane.
503
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:51,879
Jesus,
Warren, you're a maniac!
504
00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:57,639
Just drive faster, Ashley,
you've passed your test now!
505
00:23:57,640 --> 00:23:59,400
Five
minutes ago!
506
00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:08,559
You're a dead man, Thompson!
I'm going to kick your teeth in!
507
00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:10,599
See, you thought
he was a nice bloke!
508
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:12,999
It's a red light, Warren!
Just keep going!
509
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:16,879
There's people crossing!
Fuck 'em!
510
00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:18,719
HORN BLARES
511
00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:20,000
Sorry!
512
00:24:23,120 --> 00:24:26,039
Right, where am I going? Er,
take the next left. What?
513
00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:28,640
Take the
next left, Ashley, you tit!
514
00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:32,800
You're still going
to drop me home, right?
515
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:41,999
Pull
up here. Pull up!
516
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:43,719
Come on, fight like a
man, you bastard!
517
00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:46,959
I promise you, Daz, it wasn't
me. You lying little shit!
518
00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:49,199
Honestly, you've got the wrong
guy! You're a liar!
519
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:51,319
I haven't slept for weeks
because of you!
520
00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:53,639
Look, I swear on Charlie's
life, it wasn't me!
521
00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:55,240
Is
This yours, Warren?
522
00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:00,719
It
Was him! It's him!
523
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:06,360
Right, I'm going to smash your face
in, you lying piece of...
524
00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:11,040
Bloody
hell, Betty!
525
00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:19,919
OK, excellent, that's you all booked
in for 10.30 on Tuesday.
526
00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:21,239
I'll
see you then.
527
00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:23,159
Another one?
Yeah.
528
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:24,959
The phone's been ringing
off the hook.
529
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:27,199
He's had to take on all of
Daz's pupils.
530
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:28,239
What
was it, then?
531
00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:31,399
Oh, broken fibula,
two fractured tibia,
532
00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:34,519
dislocated kneecap
and a collapsed lung!
533
00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:36,679
Oh,
fantastic news!
534
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:39,239
That's brilliant, Warren.
He'll be out for months.
535
00:25:39,240 --> 00:25:41,239
Yeah, and what with all
the physio, as well.
536
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:44,439
Good
old Betty!
537
00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:47,679
Right, I'd better get on.
These pupils won't pass themselves.
538
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:51,880
Before I go, Sheila,
there you go, keep the change.
539
00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:56,319
Count it.
540
00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:59,120
HE
WHISTLES "ODE TO JOY"
541
00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:08,479
Ready? You're not
going to let me drive, are you?
542
00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:13,839
No, mate. This tosser doesn't
think you're ready yet.
543
00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:17,839
And... easy
on the accelerator,
544
00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:22,840
and release the clutch,
and away we go.
545
00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:32,919
Is
That Mr Fluffy?
546
00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:33,959
CAT YELPS
547
00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:35,000
Oh,
bollocks!
42660
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