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Subtitles by explosiveskull
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And that's why I don't
think a woman should ever
3
00:00:17,792 --> 00:00:19,334
have a man as a roommate.
4
00:00:19,336 --> 00:00:22,171
He was so nasty.
5
00:00:22,173 --> 00:00:23,797
I just had to get the
hell out of there.
6
00:00:23,799 --> 00:00:27,468
I mean, one time he wanted
to put his junk in my...
7
00:00:27,470 --> 00:00:28,720
Squirt Locker.
8
00:00:28,722 --> 00:00:30,683
You never heard
of the Squirt Locker?
9
00:00:31,726 --> 00:00:33,309
You know, you need to
10
00:00:33,311 --> 00:00:35,563
start watching some quality
entertainment.
11
00:00:36,479 --> 00:00:39,399
So check it, it stars this
girl, Anita Humpalot, as a...
12
00:00:40,650 --> 00:00:42,445
Whore for the Reptoids.
13
00:00:43,654 --> 00:00:45,823
Yeah, the Reptoids.
14
00:00:47,409 --> 00:00:48,660
Forget the Illuminati.
15
00:00:50,287 --> 00:00:53,203
It's the Reptoids that
really run the show,
16
00:00:53,205 --> 00:00:55,877
but let me tell you
something, not on my watch.
17
00:00:56,752 --> 00:00:59,420
Ah, I wouldn't expect you to
understand.
18
00:01:03,258 --> 00:01:05,050
Those bastards
think they can just...
19
00:01:05,052 --> 00:01:07,345
Shit all over my place.
20
00:01:07,347 --> 00:01:08,512
Girl, I said, "Mm-mm,"
21
00:01:08,514 --> 00:01:10,682
because I wasn't having that.
22
00:01:10,684 --> 00:01:13,518
Then he had the nerve to
try to put his hands on me.
23
00:01:13,520 --> 00:01:15,187
Fool even tried to
get me to do...
24
00:01:15,189 --> 00:01:16,396
Tentacle porn.
25
00:01:16,398 --> 00:01:18,485
I'm really into tentacle porn.
26
00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:21,611
You know, alotofsquid.com,
27
00:01:21,613 --> 00:01:23,362
let me tell you something,
28
00:01:23,364 --> 00:01:25,491
that's some real
mind-blowing stuff there.
29
00:01:26,785 --> 00:01:29,409
I'd be glad to show you.
30
00:01:29,411 --> 00:01:30,621
Just don't expect
me to use any...
31
00:01:30,623 --> 00:01:31,582
Protection!
32
00:01:33,124 --> 00:01:34,709
You have to know how
to defend yourself
33
00:01:37,713 --> 00:01:38,878
when invasion begins.
34
00:01:46,556 --> 00:01:47,557
Hand-to-hand combat,
35
00:01:48,767 --> 00:01:49,601
grappling,
36
00:01:50,936 --> 00:01:52,351
with the right technique,
37
00:01:52,353 --> 00:01:54,147
you could really
fuck somebody up.
38
00:01:56,233 --> 00:01:59,567
One time this
werewolf tried to...
39
00:01:59,569 --> 00:02:00,778
Punch my tits.
40
00:02:00,780 --> 00:02:03,029
I blocked that shit
like Jackie Chang.
41
00:02:03,031 --> 00:02:04,573
I was like, "Wah!"
42
00:02:04,575 --> 00:02:07,410
And then I got him in
a headlock and went...
43
00:02:09,372 --> 00:02:10,871
Yeah.
44
00:02:10,873 --> 00:02:11,707
Yeah.
45
00:02:11,709 --> 00:02:12,749
Yeah!
46
00:02:12,751 --> 00:02:13,750
Oh I knew she liked it,
47
00:02:13,752 --> 00:02:16,669
but you want to know
what she was really into?
48
00:02:16,671 --> 00:02:19,299
Vampires.
49
00:02:19,301 --> 00:02:21,300
They're real.
50
00:02:27,057 --> 00:02:28,724
You know what?
51
00:02:28,726 --> 00:02:32,646
You kind
of look like a vampire.
52
00:02:32,648 --> 00:02:35,275
I am a vampire, duh!
53
00:03:22,117 --> 00:03:23,116
Seriously, Simone?
54
00:03:23,118 --> 00:03:25,330
You are such an asshole!
55
00:03:26,789 --> 00:03:27,704
Good luck
finding a roommate
56
00:03:27,706 --> 00:03:29,582
with that crap on
your face, you freak.
57
00:03:29,584 --> 00:03:30,795
Whatever.
58
00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:36,215
Speaking of roommates...
59
00:03:36,217 --> 00:03:38,008
I don't want to talk about it.
60
00:03:38,010 --> 00:03:40,426
Besides, Bloodlust is coming on.
61
00:03:40,428 --> 00:03:42,138
Holy shit, Simone,
62
00:03:42,140 --> 00:03:45,641
when are you gonna grow out
of this vampire bullshit?
63
00:03:45,643 --> 00:03:49,062
Most people want to grow
up and be, like, doctors
64
00:03:49,064 --> 00:03:50,688
or like, lawyers
65
00:03:50,690 --> 00:03:51,855
or like, a lesbian, but...
66
00:03:51,857 --> 00:03:54,193
Why don't you shut
the fuck up?
67
00:03:54,195 --> 00:03:56,361
I mean, why are you
even here anyway?
68
00:03:56,363 --> 00:03:57,529
Shouldn't you be outside
69
00:03:57,531 --> 00:04:00,116
getting rejected by high
school freshmen or something?
70
00:04:00,118 --> 00:04:01,867
Not on Tuesdays, Simone.
71
00:04:01,869 --> 00:04:05,746
Tuesdays are dedicated to
spending time with my twin sis.
72
00:04:05,748 --> 00:04:07,501
Knock it off.
73
00:04:10,211 --> 00:04:11,547
What the fuck?
74
00:04:12,548 --> 00:04:15,006
Bloodlust is on hiatus,
dumbass.
75
00:04:15,008 --> 00:04:16,924
So they play this shit?
76
00:04:16,926 --> 00:04:18,302
You wanted vampires.
77
00:04:18,304 --> 00:04:20,723
Please, you hate this
crap as much as I do.
78
00:04:42,330 --> 00:04:43,162
Hi.
79
00:04:43,164 --> 00:04:43,996
You must be Simone.
80
00:04:43,998 --> 00:04:45,124
I'm Ashlee.
81
00:04:47,294 --> 00:04:48,876
Well, Ashlee with two E's,
82
00:04:48,878 --> 00:04:50,919
although my dad thought my
mom was, like, a total freak
83
00:04:50,921 --> 00:04:51,921
when she named me that.
84
00:04:51,923 --> 00:04:52,756
They live in L.A.
85
00:04:52,758 --> 00:04:54,425
That's where I'm from.
86
00:04:54,427 --> 00:04:55,800
Actually, I was born in Memphis.
87
00:04:55,802 --> 00:04:57,093
I was there last year
for a tryout.
88
00:04:57,095 --> 00:04:57,927
- Hey!
- Hey.
89
00:04:57,929 --> 00:05:00,305
I'm Sam, I'm Simone's brother.
90
00:05:00,307 --> 00:05:01,139
Come on in.
91
00:05:01,141 --> 00:05:02,017
Thank you.
92
00:05:07,024 --> 00:05:08,817
Yeah, good luck
with that, buddy.
93
00:05:09,860 --> 00:05:12,443
Yeah, just have
a seat right here.
94
00:05:12,445 --> 00:05:14,781
Make yourself comfortable.
95
00:05:18,912 --> 00:05:21,328
OMG, you guys look
exactly alike.
96
00:05:21,330 --> 00:05:23,581
Yeah, we're like twins.
97
00:05:23,583 --> 00:05:24,790
Fraternal.
98
00:05:24,792 --> 00:05:26,292
Aw, how cute.
99
00:05:26,294 --> 00:05:27,794
I once knew these
twins back in L.A.
100
00:05:27,796 --> 00:05:29,127
but they were sisters,
101
00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:30,546
Tammy and Terry.
102
00:05:30,548 --> 00:05:31,798
Well, they weren't twins.
103
00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:32,966
Actually, they weren't
even sisters,
104
00:05:32,968 --> 00:05:33,841
more like BFFs,
105
00:05:33,843 --> 00:05:35,635
until Tammy stole
Terry's boyfriend
106
00:05:35,637 --> 00:05:37,387
and then they stopped talking.
107
00:05:37,389 --> 00:05:38,723
That was so sad.
108
00:05:41,811 --> 00:05:42,812
So,
109
00:05:43,854 --> 00:05:45,772
can I get you anything to drink?
110
00:05:45,774 --> 00:05:47,648
We actually just ran out.
111
00:05:47,650 --> 00:05:48,816
Ran out of what?
112
00:05:48,818 --> 00:05:50,193
Everything.
113
00:05:50,195 --> 00:05:52,612
Can I get you some water?
114
00:05:52,614 --> 00:05:54,865
Tap water, no ice.
115
00:05:54,867 --> 00:05:56,658
No, thank you.
116
00:05:56,660 --> 00:05:58,952
So this place is really nice.
117
00:05:58,954 --> 00:06:00,998
It's way nicer than the last
place I went.
118
00:06:07,171 --> 00:06:09,339
And then I got stopped
by this perv
119
00:06:09,341 --> 00:06:11,424
who tried to get me to do
tentacle porn.
120
00:06:11,426 --> 00:06:12,258
Gross.
121
00:06:12,260 --> 00:06:13,635
So what's with all of this?
122
00:06:13,637 --> 00:06:15,262
Huh?
123
00:06:15,264 --> 00:06:17,932
Oh, I just came from a tryout.
124
00:06:17,934 --> 00:06:20,684
Like, OMG, like, you're a
cheerleader?
125
00:06:20,686 --> 00:06:21,685
Yes!
126
00:06:21,687 --> 00:06:23,146
Well, I'm working on
that, not exactly yet.
127
00:06:23,148 --> 00:06:24,355
Do you, like, have a job?
128
00:06:24,357 --> 00:06:25,355
Well duh.
129
00:06:25,357 --> 00:06:27,444
How else am I gonna
pay for an apartment?
130
00:06:29,321 --> 00:06:32,156
Did I just smell an attitude?
131
00:06:32,158 --> 00:06:33,197
Hey!
132
00:06:33,199 --> 00:06:35,534
Can I talk to you
alone for a second?
133
00:06:35,536 --> 00:06:37,702
You just, you just wait
right here, okay, don't move.
134
00:06:37,704 --> 00:06:41,375
Just, uh, practice
your cheering.
135
00:06:43,044 --> 00:06:43,878
Britney!
136
00:06:44,796 --> 00:06:45,879
What is the
matter with you?
137
00:06:45,881 --> 00:06:47,213
- Can't you say...
- I don't want to hear it!
138
00:06:47,215 --> 00:06:48,297
- This is...
- Shh!
139
00:06:48,299 --> 00:06:50,549
Shh yourself!
140
00:06:50,551 --> 00:06:52,052
Why do you have to be so rude?
141
00:06:52,054 --> 00:06:53,136
She's a guest.
142
00:06:53,138 --> 00:06:55,096
Like I care.
143
00:06:55,098 --> 00:06:56,098
Look at her.
144
00:06:56,100 --> 00:06:58,227
How do you expect me to...
145
00:06:59,978 --> 00:07:00,812
Hello?
146
00:07:02,105 --> 00:07:03,731
What?
147
00:07:03,733 --> 00:07:05,900
Do you honestly think
you have a chance with her?
148
00:07:05,902 --> 00:07:07,902
No, you listen to me,
149
00:07:07,904 --> 00:07:09,862
I'm not gonna let you fuck
this up for me, all right?
150
00:07:09,864 --> 00:07:10,905
For you?
151
00:07:10,907 --> 00:07:11,739
This is about...
152
00:07:11,741 --> 00:07:12,907
Finding a roommate, yeah,
153
00:07:12,909 --> 00:07:14,575
okay, yeah, real successful.
154
00:07:14,577 --> 00:07:16,080
How many have you turned down?
155
00:07:17,999 --> 00:07:19,581
Well?
156
00:07:19,583 --> 00:07:20,583
32.
157
00:07:20,585 --> 00:07:21,918
32?
158
00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:23,086
Are you smoking crack?
159
00:07:23,088 --> 00:07:25,338
How do you expect to make rent?
160
00:07:25,340 --> 00:07:26,172
Fine, but you're
gonna be the one
161
00:07:26,174 --> 00:07:27,589
that's gonna show her around.
162
00:07:27,591 --> 00:07:28,425
Do I have to?
163
00:07:30,428 --> 00:07:31,262
Yes.
164
00:07:33,224 --> 00:07:35,599
Guess who gets
to show you around?
165
00:07:51,867 --> 00:07:53,577
That was pretty cool, Marcus.
166
00:07:53,579 --> 00:07:55,454
Did you enjoy the pierogis?
167
00:07:55,456 --> 00:07:58,039
Oh yeah, they were
really good.
168
00:07:58,041 --> 00:07:58,873
Yeah.
169
00:07:58,875 --> 00:08:00,459
Mine was very delicious.
170
00:08:00,461 --> 00:08:02,254
On the inside was
Saskatoon berries.
171
00:08:03,297 --> 00:08:06,468
Mm, just like Mom
used to make.
172
00:08:10,138 --> 00:08:11,888
She's up there, Vin.
173
00:08:11,890 --> 00:08:13,267
Who, your mom?
174
00:08:16,311 --> 00:08:17,687
What the fuck?
175
00:08:17,689 --> 00:08:19,271
No, man, not my mom.
176
00:08:19,273 --> 00:08:20,605
The vampire.
177
00:08:20,607 --> 00:08:21,649
Oh.
178
00:08:21,651 --> 00:08:23,692
So did you bring
the silver bullets?
179
00:08:23,694 --> 00:08:25,610
Silver bullets?
180
00:08:25,612 --> 00:08:28,156
Silver bullets only
work on werewolves.
181
00:08:28,158 --> 00:08:29,197
Nah, man.
182
00:08:29,199 --> 00:08:31,328
If I shot you with a
silver bullet, you'd die.
183
00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:33,954
No.
184
00:08:33,956 --> 00:08:37,791
I, I mean, yeah, I would
die, but she wouldn't.
185
00:08:37,793 --> 00:08:39,710
But you just said it
only works on werewolves.
186
00:08:39,712 --> 00:08:40,795
That's just not true.
187
00:08:44,425 --> 00:08:45,884
Not today.
188
00:08:45,886 --> 00:08:47,509
Huh?
189
00:08:47,511 --> 00:08:49,137
Not today, Vin.
190
00:08:49,139 --> 00:08:50,220
Don't start with me, man.
191
00:08:50,222 --> 00:08:51,806
This is serious.
192
00:08:51,808 --> 00:08:52,893
I could get killed.
193
00:08:54,103 --> 00:08:56,478
These vampires,
they're very crafty.
194
00:08:56,480 --> 00:08:59,439
They leave traps
all around their crypts.
195
00:08:59,441 --> 00:09:01,360
Even during the
day they're dangerous.
196
00:09:04,321 --> 00:09:06,948
I bet her brother
helps her like Renfield.
197
00:09:06,950 --> 00:09:09,828
I bet they didn't teach you
shit like that back in Kenya.
198
00:09:14,123 --> 00:09:15,207
Let's get out of here.
199
00:09:15,209 --> 00:09:16,458
I gotta feed Mr. Fluffy.
200
00:09:30,518 --> 00:09:32,935
Didn't you just move
in like two hours ago?
201
00:09:32,937 --> 00:09:34,186
Mm-hmm.
202
00:09:34,188 --> 00:09:35,521
Like it?
203
00:09:35,523 --> 00:09:36,814
Uh,
204
00:09:36,816 --> 00:09:37,730
sure.
205
00:09:37,732 --> 00:09:38,731
Come in.
206
00:09:38,733 --> 00:09:40,151
No, I, uh...
207
00:09:41,655 --> 00:09:42,986
All right, fine.
208
00:09:42,988 --> 00:09:44,699
Don't you just
love Hello Kitty?
209
00:09:49,496 --> 00:09:51,328
Oh, fuck this.
210
00:09:51,330 --> 00:09:52,205
- No, wait!
- Ow!
211
00:09:52,207 --> 00:09:53,499
Oh my god,
I'm so sorry.
212
00:09:53,501 --> 00:09:55,083
What's the matter with you?
213
00:09:55,085 --> 00:09:57,712
I just moved here and
I don't have any friends
214
00:09:57,714 --> 00:09:58,712
and I was just...
215
00:09:58,714 --> 00:10:00,505
And you expect me to
feel bad for you, right?
216
00:10:00,507 --> 00:10:01,966
No.
217
00:10:01,968 --> 00:10:04,467
But ever since we met, I just
knew we could be friends.
218
00:10:05,304 --> 00:10:08,390
Okay, I'm a vampire.
219
00:10:08,392 --> 00:10:10,766
You're into Twilight.
220
00:10:10,768 --> 00:10:12,435
Just give me a chance, please.
221
00:10:12,437 --> 00:10:14,771
Look, I have dealt
with your kind
222
00:10:14,773 --> 00:10:18,108
all throughout high school
and beyond.
223
00:10:18,110 --> 00:10:21,612
You're besties up until you
get into a trendy clique
224
00:10:21,614 --> 00:10:24,489
that just absorbs you
and you leave me behind.
225
00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:25,616
You know what?
226
00:10:25,618 --> 00:10:27,912
Why don't you just stay
the hell away from me?
227
00:10:29,664 --> 00:10:30,498
Ugh!
228
00:11:11,417 --> 00:11:12,418
Yeah, Vin?
229
00:11:14,004 --> 00:11:16,045
Okay, I'll be out in a minute.
230
00:11:17,384 --> 00:11:19,633
Shut the fuck up, Mr. Fluffy!
231
00:12:41,808 --> 00:12:42,890
Great.
232
00:12:42,892 --> 00:12:44,603
Now I am a lesbian.
233
00:12:45,561 --> 00:12:47,354
You're such an asshole, Sam.
234
00:13:17,846 --> 00:13:20,639
I might not
make it out alive, Vin.
235
00:13:20,641 --> 00:13:21,474
What?
236
00:13:29,651 --> 00:13:31,527
I said I might not
make it out alive.
237
00:13:31,529 --> 00:13:32,820
So?
238
00:13:32,822 --> 00:13:35,364
What am I supposed to do with
this coupon?
239
00:13:35,366 --> 00:13:37,115
Would you knock it off?
240
00:13:37,117 --> 00:13:39,493
You have no idea what's
going on here.
241
00:13:39,495 --> 00:13:42,080
All these people are
in grave danger.
242
00:13:42,082 --> 00:13:44,207
All right, man, I get it.
243
00:13:44,209 --> 00:13:45,750
But did you have to
throw my coupons out?
244
00:13:45,752 --> 00:13:47,670
Obviously, you don't get it.
245
00:13:48,504 --> 00:13:51,005
I've been hunting these
things for years.
246
00:13:51,007 --> 00:13:53,720
I never thought I'd actually
find one, but here we are.
247
00:13:54,803 --> 00:13:56,094
I could finally prove
to the world
248
00:13:56,096 --> 00:13:57,472
that I was right all along.
249
00:13:59,850 --> 00:14:01,851
It sounds pretty
dangerous, Marcus.
250
00:14:01,853 --> 00:14:02,977
Maybe someone
should go with you.
251
00:14:07,900 --> 00:14:09,358
No, Vin.
252
00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:11,361
This is too dangerous for you.
253
00:14:11,363 --> 00:14:12,487
What?
254
00:14:12,489 --> 00:14:14,156
I didn't mean me.
255
00:14:14,158 --> 00:14:16,907
And besides, why are
you doing this at night?
256
00:14:16,909 --> 00:14:18,201
Isn't she awake?
257
00:14:18,203 --> 00:14:19,870
Yeah.
258
00:14:19,872 --> 00:14:22,041
This way she'll never
see me coming.
259
00:14:24,126 --> 00:14:25,044
Now you look, Vin.
260
00:14:26,129 --> 00:14:27,836
If I don't make it out alive,
261
00:14:27,838 --> 00:14:30,423
you take Mr. Fluffy
and you leave, okay?
262
00:14:30,425 --> 00:14:32,469
You go as far away
from here as possible.
263
00:14:33,386 --> 00:14:36,304
Fine, but if you
make it out alive,
264
00:14:36,306 --> 00:14:37,390
want to hit the mall?
265
00:14:41,729 --> 00:14:42,645
Aw, come on.
266
00:14:42,647 --> 00:14:44,608
J.C. Penney's having a
two-for-one sale.
267
00:14:48,070 --> 00:14:48,987
Pray for me, Vin.
268
00:15:19,603 --> 00:15:20,853
Hello?
269
00:15:27,529 --> 00:15:28,654
Hello?
270
00:15:31,492 --> 00:15:32,323
Ashlee?
271
00:16:12,035 --> 00:16:13,785
Prepare to be freed
from your sexy corpse shell,
272
00:16:13,787 --> 00:16:15,494
spawn of Beelzebub.
273
00:16:15,496 --> 00:16:16,330
What?
274
00:16:19,794 --> 00:16:22,836
I said, prepare to be freed
from your sexy corpse shell,
275
00:16:22,838 --> 00:16:24,504
spawn of Beelzebub.
276
00:16:24,506 --> 00:16:26,423
Oh my god, I'm not a vampire!
277
00:16:26,425 --> 00:16:27,425
I'm not a vampire!
278
00:16:27,427 --> 00:16:30,261
I swear to god,
I'm not a vampire!
279
00:16:30,263 --> 00:16:31,598
Where are you?
280
00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:47,262
Oh hi, can we like
be friends now?
281
00:18:05,742 --> 00:18:06,575
No, wait!
282
00:18:06,577 --> 00:18:07,411
No, no!
283
00:18:09,121 --> 00:18:11,246
Oh my god, I'm so sorry!
284
00:18:11,248 --> 00:18:12,581
Are you okay?
285
00:18:12,583 --> 00:18:13,875
I didn't mean to hurt you!
286
00:18:15,085 --> 00:18:16,879
Please, say something!
287
00:18:18,630 --> 00:18:20,256
I'm really scared, Simone!
288
00:18:20,258 --> 00:18:22,049
I've never bit a person before!
289
00:18:22,051 --> 00:18:25,010
Well, except for my ex,
but he kind of liked it!
290
00:18:25,012 --> 00:18:26,595
And then there was that
one time in 3rd grade
291
00:18:26,597 --> 00:18:27,805
when I bit Charlie Parker,
292
00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:29,808
but that was only because
he said I had the cooties!
293
00:18:29,810 --> 00:18:31,977
Okay, okay,
just stop it, please.
294
00:18:31,979 --> 00:18:35,355
Can you please wipe
that shit off your face?
295
00:18:35,357 --> 00:18:36,315
Oh.
296
00:18:36,317 --> 00:18:37,609
I'm a total mess.
297
00:18:43,992 --> 00:18:44,951
What about him?
298
00:18:46,203 --> 00:18:47,827
Oh.
299
00:18:47,829 --> 00:18:48,994
He's not gonna turn.
300
00:18:48,996 --> 00:18:50,206
I have to give him my...
301
00:18:52,292 --> 00:18:54,001
Well, at least that's
what happened
302
00:18:54,003 --> 00:18:56,087
when that jerk turned me.
303
00:18:56,089 --> 00:18:59,005
Ugh, I don't even want to
think about that right now.
304
00:18:59,007 --> 00:19:00,674
Uh-huh.
305
00:19:00,676 --> 00:19:03,344
So like, are we gonna
be friends or not?
306
00:19:03,346 --> 00:19:06,223
I mean, we can't be roomies
without being friends.
307
00:19:06,225 --> 00:19:07,390
Friends?
308
00:19:07,392 --> 00:19:10,351
You just ripped the face off
of that 300-pound gorilla
309
00:19:10,353 --> 00:19:12,771
like a freak on bath salts!
310
00:19:12,773 --> 00:19:14,647
Hey, I didn't rip
off his face.
311
00:19:14,649 --> 00:19:17,025
Besides, I thought you'd
be into that kind of stuff.
312
00:19:17,027 --> 00:19:18,569
Are you kidding me?
313
00:19:18,571 --> 00:19:20,862
That guy just tried
to impale me!
314
00:19:20,864 --> 00:19:23,949
That's what happens when
you're a vampire, duh.
315
00:19:23,951 --> 00:19:26,702
Well I'm not a vampire, okay?
316
00:19:26,704 --> 00:19:30,791
As a matter of fact, I'm having
a real identity crisis here.
317
00:19:30,793 --> 00:19:34,378
I mean, I thought that
I was something special,
318
00:19:34,380 --> 00:19:38,172
like something set me apart
from the rest of the sheeple,
319
00:19:38,174 --> 00:19:39,632
you know?
320
00:19:39,634 --> 00:19:44,430
All these years I've
identified myself as a vampire.
321
00:20:14,589 --> 00:20:15,424
Hello?
322
00:20:17,676 --> 00:20:19,219
Earth to Ashlee!
323
00:20:22,223 --> 00:20:24,766
OMG, this room
is like a total mess.
324
00:20:24,768 --> 00:20:25,682
And who the hell is this guy?
325
00:20:25,684 --> 00:20:26,517
What the hell is he doing here?
326
00:20:26,519 --> 00:20:27,351
Oh my god, he's kind of cute.
327
00:20:27,353 --> 00:20:28,728
Did I just say that out loud?
328
00:20:28,730 --> 00:20:29,937
Are you okay?
329
00:20:29,939 --> 00:20:31,315
I don't know, I don't
know, I don't know!
330
00:20:31,317 --> 00:20:35,234
My head is numb and my
tongue is all swollen.
331
00:20:35,236 --> 00:20:37,445
What the hell is
wrong with you?
332
00:20:48,459 --> 00:20:50,502
Oh shit, oh shit,
oh shit, oh shit!
333
00:20:50,504 --> 00:20:52,628
That's why this is happening!
334
00:20:52,630 --> 00:20:53,923
Is that what I think it is?
335
00:20:53,925 --> 00:20:54,756
It's gotta be!
336
00:20:54,758 --> 00:20:55,590
It's in his blood!
337
00:20:55,592 --> 00:20:56,675
It's making my brain all
338
00:21:05,396 --> 00:21:08,146
Okay, um, I think
you need some chai.
339
00:21:08,148 --> 00:21:08,980
It'll soothe you.
340
00:21:08,982 --> 00:21:09,814
- I'll go get some.
- No!
341
00:21:09,816 --> 00:21:11,983
I only drink blood, okay?
342
00:21:11,985 --> 00:21:14,362
Gross, I never thought
I'd hear myself say that.
343
00:21:15,279 --> 00:21:16,114
Wait a minute.
344
00:21:17,449 --> 00:21:19,074
What about some pure blood?
345
00:21:19,076 --> 00:21:20,743
That'll clear you up, right?
346
00:21:20,745 --> 00:21:21,994
I guess.
347
00:21:21,996 --> 00:21:22,995
I don't know!
348
00:21:22,997 --> 00:21:24,791
This never happened
to me before!
349
00:21:27,334 --> 00:21:29,294
How about that?
350
00:21:29,296 --> 00:21:30,506
That looks yummy, right?
351
00:21:31,465 --> 00:21:32,341
Yeah.
352
00:21:33,217 --> 00:21:35,426
I know you need that fix.
353
00:21:35,428 --> 00:21:36,467
I can tell.
354
00:22:06,462 --> 00:22:07,376
Ew!
355
00:22:07,378 --> 00:22:08,377
As if!
356
00:22:08,379 --> 00:22:10,380
Hey, there's nothing
wrong with my blood!
357
00:22:10,382 --> 00:22:12,382
It's not like I have STDs!
358
00:22:12,384 --> 00:22:13,592
It's not that, okay?
359
00:22:13,594 --> 00:22:15,343
I'm not gonna bite
you and that's final.
360
00:22:15,345 --> 00:22:16,510
Well why not?
361
00:22:16,512 --> 00:22:19,723
I'm supposed to be a vampire!
362
00:22:19,725 --> 00:22:21,600
I've been dreaming
of a moment like this
363
00:22:21,602 --> 00:22:23,395
all of my life!
364
00:22:25,065 --> 00:22:27,981
Fine, since I was 14, okay?
365
00:22:27,983 --> 00:22:30,778
My grandma took me to go
see Bram Stoker's Dracula
366
00:22:30,780 --> 00:22:31,779
at a matinee and...
367
00:22:31,781 --> 00:22:33,616
Wait, you were 14?
368
00:22:34,492 --> 00:22:35,824
What was she,
a freak or something?
369
00:22:35,826 --> 00:22:37,909
Hey, don't make fun of her!
370
00:22:37,911 --> 00:22:40,119
Besides, she was Romanian.
371
00:22:40,121 --> 00:22:42,749
See, I'm supposed
to be a vampire.
372
00:22:42,751 --> 00:22:43,957
Hold on a minute, Simone.
373
00:22:43,959 --> 00:22:48,253
You're just, you're just
messing with my head right now.
374
00:22:48,255 --> 00:22:51,131
Okay, just a minute ago you
were trying to run away from me.
375
00:22:51,133 --> 00:22:53,218
Well I'm over it, got it?
376
00:22:53,220 --> 00:22:55,513
And you better not tell
anybody about that.
377
00:22:55,515 --> 00:22:57,680
Well I'm not gonna
turn you, okay?
378
00:22:57,682 --> 00:22:58,515
Why not?
379
00:22:58,517 --> 00:23:00,350
You just don't understand.
380
00:23:00,352 --> 00:23:03,937
I mean, I don't even
have a life anymore!
381
00:23:03,939 --> 00:23:06,190
Of course not, you're
a member of the undead.
382
00:23:06,192 --> 00:23:07,192
No!
383
00:23:07,194 --> 00:23:09,276
They didn't say anything
like this in Twilight!
384
00:23:09,278 --> 00:23:11,780
That's because
Twilight is bullshit!
385
00:23:15,201 --> 00:23:16,033
What?
386
00:23:22,043 --> 00:23:22,874
- Whoa!
- Sam,
387
00:23:22,876 --> 00:23:24,584
what the hell are
you doing here?
388
00:23:24,586 --> 00:23:26,463
I was at the
party down the street.
389
00:23:27,507 --> 00:23:28,422
I'm so drunk.
390
00:23:28,424 --> 00:23:29,550
No no, you can't be here!
391
00:23:29,552 --> 00:23:31,301
You have to leave!
392
00:23:31,303 --> 00:23:33,139
Why is it so dark in here?
393
00:23:34,722 --> 00:23:36,267
It must be the breaker!
394
00:23:38,728 --> 00:23:39,979
See, I fixed it.
395
00:23:41,064 --> 00:23:42,772
Right on, yeah.
396
00:23:42,774 --> 00:23:43,981
How the hell?
397
00:23:43,983 --> 00:23:45,315
Hey.
398
00:23:45,317 --> 00:23:46,151
Hey, who's that?
399
00:23:46,153 --> 00:23:47,192
Uh, hi!
400
00:23:47,194 --> 00:23:48,527
- Hey.
- Hi!
401
00:23:48,529 --> 00:23:50,697
- Hey.
- Um, I like your hair.
402
00:23:50,699 --> 00:23:51,530
You do?
403
00:23:51,532 --> 00:23:52,991
Yeah, can I touch it?
404
00:23:52,993 --> 00:23:55,244
I thought you'd never ask.
405
00:23:55,246 --> 00:23:56,746
Whoa, what are you doing?
406
00:23:56,748 --> 00:23:58,998
Your hair, can I
touch your hair?
407
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:00,500
Oh, yeah, my hair, yeah.
408
00:24:04,757 --> 00:24:06,464
Ow ow ow ow ow!
409
00:24:06,466 --> 00:24:07,382
- Ashlee!
- Ow ow ow ow!
410
00:24:07,384 --> 00:24:10,554
- Let go!
- Ow ow ow ow!
411
00:24:13,056 --> 00:24:13,973
That was cool.
412
00:24:14,892 --> 00:24:16,432
Whoa, a dead guy!
413
00:24:16,434 --> 00:24:18,059
Did you do this?
414
00:24:18,061 --> 00:24:19,436
No, no.
415
00:24:19,438 --> 00:24:20,687
Yeah, you did.
416
00:24:20,689 --> 00:24:22,898
I can tell, you did this.
417
00:24:22,900 --> 00:24:27,235
No!
418
00:24:27,237 --> 00:24:29,490
Now look what you did.
419
00:24:29,492 --> 00:24:31,407
Is she a vampire?
420
00:24:31,409 --> 00:24:32,744
You think?
421
00:24:35,330 --> 00:24:37,372
That makes her like
20 times fucking hotter.
422
00:24:37,374 --> 00:24:39,332
Stop being a douche, Sam.
423
00:24:39,334 --> 00:24:41,336
Now I have to go
and deal with her.
424
00:24:41,338 --> 00:24:42,669
What about him?
425
00:24:42,671 --> 00:24:43,879
What about him?
426
00:24:43,881 --> 00:24:45,964
Well, we can't just
leave him here.
427
00:24:45,966 --> 00:24:47,884
No shit, Sherlock!
428
00:24:47,886 --> 00:24:49,927
I have to go upstairs
and grab Ashlee,
429
00:24:49,929 --> 00:24:53,139
so she can help lug his
gargantuan ass out of here.
430
00:24:53,141 --> 00:24:56,267
But she's only like
three feet fucking tall.
431
00:24:56,269 --> 00:24:57,895
Yo, she's a vampire.
432
00:24:57,897 --> 00:25:00,563
She's the one who kicked
his ass in the first place.
433
00:25:00,565 --> 00:25:02,399
Well, who is he?
434
00:25:02,401 --> 00:25:03,236
I don't know.
435
00:25:09,743 --> 00:25:12,079
According to this, his
name is Marcus Denning.
436
00:25:14,789 --> 00:25:16,164
This asshole tried to kill me.
437
00:25:16,166 --> 00:25:16,998
He tried to kill you?
438
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:17,833
Did you call the cops?
439
00:25:17,835 --> 00:25:19,669
No, Sam, I can't
call the cops.
440
00:25:19,671 --> 00:25:21,586
They'll just come
and arrest Ashlee.
441
00:25:26,928 --> 00:25:28,468
Yeah, well this
asshole's dead.
442
00:25:42,612 --> 00:25:44,946
Just leave me alone!
443
00:25:44,948 --> 00:25:46,074
OMG, my voice.
444
00:25:47,451 --> 00:25:48,285
Ashlee?
445
00:25:49,286 --> 00:25:50,744
Sweetie?
446
00:25:50,746 --> 00:25:51,577
Would you let me in?
447
00:25:51,579 --> 00:25:52,997
I'm not
gonna bite you!
448
00:25:52,999 --> 00:25:53,831
Just leave me alone!
449
00:25:53,833 --> 00:25:55,290
Look, forget about
all that, okay!
450
00:25:55,292 --> 00:25:57,668
We have a dead
guy in the living room,
451
00:25:57,670 --> 00:25:59,461
and if we don't
do something about it,
452
00:25:59,463 --> 00:26:01,799
we're gonna be
in a heap of shit!
453
00:26:19,359 --> 00:26:21,568
♪ Peanut butter ♪
454
00:26:21,570 --> 00:26:23,780
♪ And some jelly ♪
455
00:26:23,782 --> 00:26:25,655
♪ Put together ♪
456
00:26:25,657 --> 00:26:28,408
♪ In my belly ♪
457
00:26:28,410 --> 00:26:31,414
What the fuck kind
of bread is this?
458
00:26:35,418 --> 00:26:36,251
Oh.
459
00:26:47,349 --> 00:26:49,059
Hey, over here!
460
00:26:50,893 --> 00:26:51,727
What?
461
00:26:53,272 --> 00:26:54,774
I'm so sorry.
462
00:26:56,066 --> 00:26:58,234
There, that better?
463
00:26:58,236 --> 00:26:59,859
It's
464
00:26:59,861 --> 00:27:00,696
fine.
465
00:27:03,365 --> 00:27:07,369
Look, I know you're having
some issues right now,
466
00:27:07,371 --> 00:27:09,370
but you've gotta get a grip.
467
00:27:09,372 --> 00:27:12,998
We have a dead,
coked-out vampire hunter
468
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:14,208
in the living room
469
00:27:14,210 --> 00:27:16,419
and we have to deal with it.
470
00:27:16,421 --> 00:27:18,214
I've never killed
someone before!
471
00:27:18,216 --> 00:27:21,300
Ashlee, we don't have
time to sit and brood.
472
00:27:21,302 --> 00:27:25,429
We've gotta get rid of that
body or we will all get screwed!
473
00:27:25,431 --> 00:27:27,305
That rhymed.
474
00:27:27,307 --> 00:27:29,476
Ashlee, you have to focus!
475
00:27:29,478 --> 00:27:31,186
Please, focus!
476
00:27:31,188 --> 00:27:33,104
Okay!
477
00:27:33,106 --> 00:27:34,230
Okay.
478
00:27:34,232 --> 00:27:35,815
Are you sure?
479
00:27:35,817 --> 00:27:36,902
Yeah, okay.
480
00:27:38,362 --> 00:27:39,196
Okay.
481
00:27:42,576 --> 00:27:43,410
What?!
482
00:27:44,493 --> 00:27:45,576
I didn't say anything!
483
00:27:45,578 --> 00:27:46,577
Not you!
484
00:27:46,579 --> 00:27:49,581
Where the fuck is Sam, the body?
485
00:27:49,583 --> 00:27:51,749
Oh my god!
486
00:28:06,350 --> 00:28:08,100
So what's
your name, kid?
487
00:28:08,102 --> 00:28:09,353
Uh, Sam.
488
00:28:10,856 --> 00:28:14,316
Well Sam, I'm Marcus.
489
00:28:14,318 --> 00:28:16,233
Glad to make your acquaintance.
490
00:28:16,235 --> 00:28:18,322
So you're not gonna kill me,
right, man?
491
00:28:26,289 --> 00:28:27,747
Hello?
492
00:28:27,749 --> 00:28:29,957
What have you done with Sam?
493
00:28:29,959 --> 00:28:31,627
I swear to god,
494
00:28:31,629 --> 00:28:33,419
if you've hurt my brother,
495
00:28:33,421 --> 00:28:34,756
I will kill you.
496
00:28:36,007 --> 00:28:37,800
Are you finished, wannabe?
497
00:28:37,802 --> 00:28:39,136
Now shut up and listen!
498
00:28:40,639 --> 00:28:42,556
Sam's right here safe and sound,
499
00:28:43,432 --> 00:28:45,766
and if you want it to
stay that way,
500
00:28:45,768 --> 00:28:48,270
you'll bring pompoms to
the old Tesla factory
501
00:28:49,730 --> 00:28:51,897
in an hour and a half.
502
00:28:51,899 --> 00:28:53,525
Oh, and Vampirella,
503
00:28:53,527 --> 00:28:57,029
if I catch a whiff of
bacon, your brother's dead.
504
00:28:57,031 --> 00:28:58,280
Do you hear me?
505
00:28:58,282 --> 00:28:59,324
Fucking dead!
506
00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:02,370
What did he say?
507
00:29:03,621 --> 00:29:04,912
He has Sam.
508
00:29:04,914 --> 00:29:07,040
He said if we call the
cops, he's gonna kill him!
509
00:29:07,042 --> 00:29:09,126
Oh my god, poor Sam.
510
00:29:09,128 --> 00:29:11,044
This is your damn fault!
511
00:29:11,046 --> 00:29:13,546
If you hadn't gone around
biting all those dogs,
512
00:29:13,548 --> 00:29:16,299
he wouldn't be looking
for goddamn vampires!
513
00:29:16,301 --> 00:29:17,759
Simone, how could you say
that?
514
00:29:17,761 --> 00:29:19,719
What was I supposed to do?
515
00:29:19,721 --> 00:29:21,389
Go around hurting people?
516
00:29:21,391 --> 00:29:23,306
It's not like I even
killed any of those dogs!
517
00:29:23,308 --> 00:29:25,016
That's not the point!
518
00:29:25,018 --> 00:29:27,519
You led him directly to me!
519
00:29:27,521 --> 00:29:29,355
Now he has Sam.
520
00:29:29,357 --> 00:29:31,359
Now I don't know
what the hell to do!
521
00:29:34,488 --> 00:29:35,737
Is that your phone?
522
00:29:44,374 --> 00:29:45,707
It's Vin.
523
00:29:45,709 --> 00:29:47,124
Who the hell is Vin?
524
00:29:47,126 --> 00:29:48,835
I don't know.
525
00:29:48,837 --> 00:29:50,210
Who are you?
526
00:29:50,212 --> 00:29:51,587
Where's Marcus, bitch?
527
00:29:51,589 --> 00:29:52,631
What the hell are you doing?
528
00:29:52,633 --> 00:29:54,884
Would you make
up your mind, Simone?
529
00:29:54,886 --> 00:29:56,676
You idiot!
530
00:29:56,678 --> 00:29:58,136
Give me that.
531
00:29:58,138 --> 00:29:59,180
Oh my god.
532
00:29:59,182 --> 00:30:00,599
Now he knows my name!
533
00:30:01,642 --> 00:30:02,477
You idiot!
534
00:30:05,688 --> 00:30:06,522
Stop it!
535
00:30:08,983 --> 00:30:10,150
Okay, okay, wait a minute.
536
00:30:10,152 --> 00:30:11,443
This guy doesn't know that
537
00:30:11,445 --> 00:30:14,112
that Marcus asshole
isn't here, right?
538
00:30:14,114 --> 00:30:15,531
How am I supposed to know?
539
00:30:17,744 --> 00:30:19,202
Hello?
540
00:30:19,204 --> 00:30:20,661
You suck!
541
00:30:20,663 --> 00:30:21,830
Shut up, idiot!
542
00:30:23,373 --> 00:30:24,456
What?
543
00:30:24,458 --> 00:30:25,290
Not you.
544
00:30:25,292 --> 00:30:26,959
Where's Marcus?
545
00:30:26,961 --> 00:30:28,753
Well your psycho friend is all
coked up,
546
00:30:28,755 --> 00:30:30,589
passed out on my floor.
547
00:30:30,591 --> 00:30:32,131
You're the best
548
00:30:32,133 --> 00:30:33,509
at dying.
549
00:30:33,511 --> 00:30:34,967
Shut the hell up.
550
00:30:34,969 --> 00:30:36,721
No, it's true, dammit!
551
00:30:37,931 --> 00:30:39,181
Not you.
552
00:30:39,183 --> 00:30:41,184
Well you better come
pick up your friend
553
00:30:41,186 --> 00:30:43,269
or I'm gonna have
you both arrested.
554
00:30:43,271 --> 00:30:44,646
You should
change your gamer tag
555
00:30:44,648 --> 00:30:45,480
to BulletMagnet.
556
00:30:45,482 --> 00:30:48,023
You should kiss my curry ass.
557
00:30:48,025 --> 00:30:49,192
What did you just say?
558
00:30:49,194 --> 00:30:52,404
Uh, aren't you
the vampire chick?
559
00:30:52,406 --> 00:30:53,280
Yes.
560
00:30:53,282 --> 00:30:54,907
I mean, no.
561
00:30:54,909 --> 00:30:56,283
Wait.
562
00:30:56,285 --> 00:30:57,826
You know about all this?
563
00:30:57,828 --> 00:30:58,785
Well, sorta.
564
00:30:58,787 --> 00:31:00,579
What do you mean sorta?
565
00:31:00,581 --> 00:31:02,997
Well, I'm the one that
dropped him over there.
566
00:31:02,999 --> 00:31:04,375
You what?
567
00:31:04,377 --> 00:31:07,169
That crazy bastard
almost killed me.
568
00:31:07,171 --> 00:31:09,464
Hey, have you
ever played this game before?
569
00:31:09,466 --> 00:31:11,716
Because my little sister
can beat your butt.
570
00:31:11,718 --> 00:31:12,758
Oh yeah?
571
00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:13,717
Yes!
572
00:31:13,719 --> 00:31:15,639
Vin, this isn't a joke.
573
00:31:16,557 --> 00:31:18,056
Hey,
that's not fair!
574
00:31:18,058 --> 00:31:20,810
That's what you
get for being a little bitch.
575
00:31:20,812 --> 00:31:21,643
What?
576
00:31:21,645 --> 00:31:22,728
Not you.
577
00:31:22,730 --> 00:31:25,439
Look, Vin, I don't know
what your problem is,
578
00:31:25,441 --> 00:31:26,440
but your buddy over here
579
00:31:26,442 --> 00:31:29,193
tried to ram a goddamn
stake through my chest.
580
00:31:29,195 --> 00:31:32,029
Whoa, he was
serious about that?
581
00:31:32,031 --> 00:31:35,992
Yes, he was serious about
that, and I'm serious too.
582
00:31:35,994 --> 00:31:38,327
If you don't come here
within the next 20 minutes
583
00:31:38,329 --> 00:31:40,330
to pick up your, your friend,
584
00:31:40,332 --> 00:31:41,959
I'm gonna have
you both arrested.
585
00:31:46,173 --> 00:31:47,755
Ha ha, you lose.
586
00:31:47,757 --> 00:31:49,132
Aw, come on.
587
00:31:49,134 --> 00:31:50,216
You suck.
588
00:31:50,218 --> 00:31:51,884
Does your mom know
you talk like that?
589
00:31:51,886 --> 00:31:54,555
Does your mom
know you pretend to be a man?
590
00:31:54,557 --> 00:31:56,851
So, listen, Doc,
I gotta tell you,
591
00:31:57,726 --> 00:32:00,853
that specialist you see,
he ain't gonna help you.
592
00:32:00,855 --> 00:32:02,190
I have a much better idea.
593
00:32:03,191 --> 00:32:04,607
Yeah yeah.
594
00:32:04,609 --> 00:32:06,276
Switch it to multi-player,
will you?
595
00:32:06,278 --> 00:32:08,487
All right.
596
00:32:08,489 --> 00:32:11,322
Oh by the way, this was a
great idea,
597
00:32:11,324 --> 00:32:13,868
spending $300 on a PlayStation
3.
598
00:32:15,329 --> 00:32:17,789
How the hell was I supposed to
know
599
00:32:17,791 --> 00:32:22,210
that your entire clientele
consists of 75-year-old widows?
600
00:32:23,295 --> 00:32:24,129
Shut up, Vin.
601
00:32:25,130 --> 00:32:26,713
Oh, don't be so blue, doc.
602
00:32:26,715 --> 00:32:28,801
Blue, that's funny.
603
00:32:28,803 --> 00:32:30,301
Yeah!
604
00:32:30,303 --> 00:32:32,095
Ah.
605
00:32:32,097 --> 00:32:35,014
Seriously, you know, that
animal's back.
606
00:32:35,016 --> 00:32:37,350
Bit a few dogs over in
Surly Park last night.
607
00:32:37,352 --> 00:32:39,061
I heard it was some meth head.
608
00:32:39,063 --> 00:32:41,939
No no no, I treated
those dogs myself.
609
00:32:41,941 --> 00:32:44,234
They're way different
from last year's attack.
610
00:32:44,236 --> 00:32:46,485
And it definitely wasn't
human bite marks, for sure.
611
00:32:46,487 --> 00:32:47,320
Oh really?
612
00:32:47,322 --> 00:32:49,531
Well, I'm done.
613
00:32:49,533 --> 00:32:51,698
Yeah, that's because
I'm just kicking your ass.
614
00:32:51,700 --> 00:32:54,078
No, I have to pick Marcus
up at his girl's place.
615
00:32:54,080 --> 00:32:55,745
Wait, that freak
has a girlfriend?
616
00:32:55,747 --> 00:32:56,580
Yeah,
617
00:32:56,582 --> 00:32:58,207
into some freaky vampire shit.
618
00:32:58,209 --> 00:32:59,416
Oh really?
619
00:32:59,418 --> 00:33:00,503
Yeah.
620
00:33:01,379 --> 00:33:03,169
Hey, uh, door's that way, man.
621
00:33:03,171 --> 00:33:04,965
Can a guy go take a piss?
622
00:33:04,967 --> 00:33:06,466
You know what, man?
623
00:33:06,468 --> 00:33:08,259
This fucking sucks.
624
00:33:08,261 --> 00:33:09,177
What are you talking about?
625
00:33:09,179 --> 00:33:10,719
This is the most action
you got all week.
626
00:33:10,721 --> 00:33:14,099
Yeah, that may be, but
I gotta cut out of here.
627
00:33:14,101 --> 00:33:15,391
Where are you going?
628
00:33:15,393 --> 00:33:16,227
Well, I thought you
wanted me
629
00:33:16,229 --> 00:33:17,603
to do your website for you.
630
00:33:17,605 --> 00:33:19,814
Oh yeah, what's the
name of that?
631
00:33:19,816 --> 00:33:21,274
FilthyFurries.com.
632
00:33:21,276 --> 00:33:24,610
Soon as I get home, I'm
gonna email you all the info.
633
00:33:24,612 --> 00:33:26,112
All right, get out
of here, man.
634
00:33:26,114 --> 00:33:27,572
All right,
man, see you tomorrow.
635
00:33:40,588 --> 00:33:41,753
How does that feel?
636
00:33:41,755 --> 00:33:42,963
You okay, yeah?
637
00:33:46,427 --> 00:33:49,345
What the hell did you
do that for, asshole?
638
00:33:49,347 --> 00:33:50,971
Because you're my prisoner.
639
00:33:50,973 --> 00:33:52,225
I gotta keep you in line.
640
00:33:54,060 --> 00:33:55,269
I'm all tied up.
641
00:33:55,271 --> 00:33:56,646
I can't do shit to you.
642
00:33:57,814 --> 00:34:00,150
Besides, I thought you
were like the good guy.
643
00:34:01,485 --> 00:34:03,027
Look at me.
644
00:34:03,029 --> 00:34:04,654
I am a good guy.
645
00:34:04,656 --> 00:34:06,490
Yeah, well good guys
don't go around
646
00:34:06,492 --> 00:34:10,326
smacking the shit out
of their prisoners, man.
647
00:34:10,328 --> 00:34:11,953
Fine, fine.
648
00:34:11,955 --> 00:34:13,121
No, it's not fine!
649
00:34:13,123 --> 00:34:14,792
That shit hurt like hell!
650
00:34:16,878 --> 00:34:18,171
Quit your whining, kid.
651
00:34:19,171 --> 00:34:21,632
Yeah, well, like the
least you could do is like
652
00:34:22,716 --> 00:34:24,258
apologize or something.
653
00:34:24,260 --> 00:34:25,093
For what?
654
00:34:26,095 --> 00:34:28,721
You almost knocked
my head off!
655
00:34:28,723 --> 00:34:32,935
The least you could
do is apologize!
656
00:34:32,937 --> 00:34:35,686
I am not apologizing
for anything, buddy.
657
00:34:35,688 --> 00:34:38,609
Well see, you are a bad guy.
658
00:34:40,027 --> 00:34:40,862
Look.
659
00:34:41,822 --> 00:34:43,365
I am not the bad guy.
660
00:34:44,449 --> 00:34:49,412
Your little hot cheerleader
girlfriend, she's the bad guy.
661
00:34:49,704 --> 00:34:51,957
You tried to kill my sister!
662
00:34:53,042 --> 00:34:56,460
Besides, Ashlee
ain't like that, man.
663
00:34:56,462 --> 00:34:59,379
She's the sweetest,
664
00:34:59,381 --> 00:35:00,297
most innocent...
665
00:35:00,299 --> 00:35:03,719
Psycho vampire bitch!
666
00:35:06,222 --> 00:35:08,180
No, she's not, man.
667
00:35:08,182 --> 00:35:13,146
She's the most incredible
girl in the whole world.
668
00:35:13,563 --> 00:35:16,607
You don't know what the hell
you're talking about, kid.
669
00:35:16,609 --> 00:35:18,528
Those things like your
girlfriend,
670
00:35:19,571 --> 00:35:23,741
they're bloodthirsty
Satan spawn freaks!
671
00:35:24,783 --> 00:35:26,701
And they'll stop at nothing
672
00:35:26,703 --> 00:35:28,831
short of the destruction of
humanity!
673
00:35:31,833 --> 00:35:34,085
Just when we're on the
brink of extinction.
674
00:35:36,588 --> 00:35:37,422
Then what?
675
00:35:39,925 --> 00:35:40,844
What happens after?
676
00:35:41,928 --> 00:35:43,470
Oh man.
677
00:35:43,472 --> 00:35:44,303
Hello?
678
00:35:44,305 --> 00:35:45,180
Anyone home, man?
679
00:35:50,102 --> 00:35:52,396
Then what?
680
00:35:52,398 --> 00:35:55,067
That's when they herd
the rest of us like cattle
681
00:35:56,110 --> 00:35:57,778
and breed us on blood farms.
682
00:35:59,029 --> 00:36:02,197
Yeah, blood farms.
683
00:36:02,199 --> 00:36:03,033
It's coming.
684
00:36:03,909 --> 00:36:05,369
Oh yeah, it's coming.
685
00:36:06,622 --> 00:36:11,627
Unless you and I and the
rest of us open our eyes.
686
00:36:14,879 --> 00:36:15,963
Can't you see?
687
00:36:16,799 --> 00:36:18,967
You're out of your fucking
mind, man.
688
00:36:20,469 --> 00:36:23,094
I'm telling you,
Ashlee is not like that,
689
00:36:23,096 --> 00:36:24,639
at all.
690
00:36:24,641 --> 00:36:25,806
No, not Ashlee.
691
00:36:25,808 --> 00:36:27,724
You don't know what
you're saying, kid.
692
00:36:27,726 --> 00:36:29,977
I think hanging out with
that crazy sister of yours
693
00:36:29,979 --> 00:36:32,233
got your brain all soft.
694
00:36:33,316 --> 00:36:34,191
Just listen to me.
695
00:36:34,193 --> 00:36:37,528
Just untie me and
just let me go, man!
696
00:36:37,530 --> 00:36:40,489
And I won't tell
anyone about this.
697
00:36:40,491 --> 00:36:41,449
Like, you got my word.
698
00:36:41,451 --> 00:36:44,913
Just forget about killing
Ashlee.
699
00:37:01,639 --> 00:37:02,682
Forget what?
700
00:37:04,852 --> 00:37:06,353
Forget about this?
701
00:37:07,270 --> 00:37:08,980
Did you see what she did to me?
702
00:37:11,524 --> 00:37:12,982
Yeah.
703
00:37:12,984 --> 00:37:13,901
I don't think so.
704
00:37:16,197 --> 00:37:17,030
You know what?
705
00:37:19,367 --> 00:37:21,534
I don't have to have this
conversation with you.
706
00:37:34,383 --> 00:37:35,381
Ew, man, ew.
707
00:37:35,383 --> 00:37:36,424
What?
708
00:37:36,426 --> 00:37:37,428
I just got the tape.
709
00:37:38,595 --> 00:37:40,387
It's got your drool
all over it, man.
710
00:37:40,389 --> 00:37:42,058
How else am I supposed to?
711
00:38:01,912 --> 00:38:03,414
Quit squirming.
712
00:38:05,250 --> 00:38:06,208
There.
713
00:38:06,210 --> 00:38:07,127
Are you happy now?
714
00:38:08,504 --> 00:38:10,212
Yeah, you good, yeah?
715
00:38:10,214 --> 00:38:11,212
- Mm.
- Okay, good.
716
00:38:11,214 --> 00:38:12,130
Mm-hmm.
717
00:38:12,132 --> 00:38:12,966
Mm-hmm.
718
00:38:25,313 --> 00:38:26,604
Aw, come on!
719
00:38:26,606 --> 00:38:27,942
Those are brand new tires.
720
00:38:29,275 --> 00:38:30,775
Well,
what if he's dangerous?
721
00:38:30,777 --> 00:38:33,110
Ashlee, you took down a 6'5"
722
00:38:33,112 --> 00:38:35,616
heavily armed, coked-up
psychopath.
723
00:38:36,741 --> 00:38:40,077
Look, I don't think
that banger boy here
724
00:38:40,079 --> 00:38:41,497
is gonna put much of a fight.
725
00:38:47,796 --> 00:38:49,253
Is this the place?
726
00:38:49,255 --> 00:38:50,088
Yep.
727
00:38:50,090 --> 00:38:51,463
All right, just hurry up then.
728
00:38:51,465 --> 00:38:53,009
I'll be back in a minute.
729
00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:04,729
You ready?
730
00:39:04,731 --> 00:39:06,063
Uh,
731
00:39:06,065 --> 00:39:07,273
yeah?
732
00:39:07,275 --> 00:39:10,110
Remember, wait until
he comes in first
733
00:39:10,112 --> 00:39:12,278
and then cover
him with that thing.
734
00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:13,320
You got it?
735
00:39:13,322 --> 00:39:14,363
Okay.
736
00:39:14,365 --> 00:39:15,197
Okay.
737
00:39:15,199 --> 00:39:17,285
And don't bite him.
738
00:39:23,917 --> 00:39:25,125
Where's Marcus?
739
00:39:25,127 --> 00:39:26,459
He's inside, come in.
740
00:39:26,461 --> 00:39:27,294
I'm in a hurry.
741
00:39:27,296 --> 00:39:28,713
Just tell him I'm
waiting for him.
742
00:39:28,715 --> 00:39:30,840
No, come inside
and get him yourself.
743
00:39:30,842 --> 00:39:32,009
Just go get him.
744
00:39:32,011 --> 00:39:35,012
No, come inside and
get him yourself!
745
00:39:35,014 --> 00:39:36,054
I told you I'm in a hurry.
746
00:39:36,056 --> 00:39:37,347
Just go get him.
747
00:39:37,349 --> 00:39:39,141
If you don't come inside, I'm
gonna call the fucking cops.
748
00:39:39,143 --> 00:39:41,185
Go ahead, call the cops, I
don't care.
749
00:39:41,187 --> 00:39:42,352
Do you want to get arrested?
750
00:39:42,354 --> 00:39:43,354
For what?
751
00:39:43,356 --> 00:39:45,106
Do you want your buddy
here to get arrested?
752
00:39:45,108 --> 00:39:45,939
Fine.
753
00:39:45,941 --> 00:39:46,775
Come on!
754
00:39:51,198 --> 00:39:52,447
Okay, so you argue
with me this whole time
755
00:39:52,449 --> 00:39:53,741
so I could stand here?
756
00:39:53,743 --> 00:39:56,201
Um, I'm sorry, my
roomie's getting dressed.
757
00:39:56,203 --> 00:39:57,369
Oh yeah, is she hot?
758
00:39:57,371 --> 00:39:59,538
You're so funny!
759
00:39:59,540 --> 00:40:00,371
I know.
760
00:40:00,373 --> 00:40:01,748
Where's Marcus?
761
00:40:01,750 --> 00:40:03,333
Oh, um, you know,
762
00:40:03,335 --> 00:40:06,629
I never realized how
good-looking you were!
763
00:40:06,631 --> 00:40:07,756
Most people don't.
764
00:40:07,758 --> 00:40:09,885
Well I sure did.
765
00:40:13,055 --> 00:40:14,178
Did you just feel
something?
766
00:40:14,180 --> 00:40:15,722
Woo!
767
00:40:15,724 --> 00:40:18,183
Must be the energy between us.
768
00:40:18,185 --> 00:40:19,726
I don't have time for this.
769
00:40:19,728 --> 00:40:21,270
Where's Marcus?
770
00:40:21,272 --> 00:40:22,103
Um,
771
00:40:22,105 --> 00:40:24,397
oh come on now,
772
00:40:24,399 --> 00:40:26,067
don't you want to
spend time with me?
773
00:40:26,069 --> 00:40:27,570
I'll make it worth your while.
774
00:40:29,824 --> 00:40:30,655
Fine.
775
00:40:30,657 --> 00:40:31,825
Do you have any condoms?
776
00:40:32,992 --> 00:40:34,660
Um, yeah.
777
00:40:34,662 --> 00:40:35,496
Um,
778
00:40:36,704 --> 00:40:37,787
let me go get them.
779
00:40:37,789 --> 00:40:39,414
I'll be right back.
780
00:40:39,416 --> 00:40:41,250
Hurry up,
gotta make this quick.
781
00:40:58,103 --> 00:41:00,271
What is the matter with you?
782
00:41:00,273 --> 00:41:01,354
I couldn't do it!
783
00:41:01,356 --> 00:41:02,188
I just couldn't do it!
784
00:41:02,190 --> 00:41:03,024
Ashlee!
785
00:41:04,026 --> 00:41:05,109
I got scared!
786
00:41:05,111 --> 00:41:06,777
But you kicked
that other guy's ass.
787
00:41:06,779 --> 00:41:07,654
That was different.
788
00:41:07,656 --> 00:41:09,239
He was trying to kill you!
789
00:41:09,241 --> 00:41:10,698
If you don't get this guy,
790
00:41:10,700 --> 00:41:13,368
that psychopath is gonna kill
Sam!
791
00:41:13,370 --> 00:41:15,578
Hey, you get lost in
there?
792
00:41:15,580 --> 00:41:18,585
Um, no, I'll be out
in a sec.
793
00:41:19,543 --> 00:41:21,085
Get over there!
794
00:41:21,087 --> 00:41:22,463
- Fine.
- Come on!
795
00:41:26,467 --> 00:41:28,551
Whoa, you too?
796
00:41:28,553 --> 00:41:29,720
Ah, what are you doing?
797
00:41:39,982 --> 00:41:40,816
Shh!
798
00:41:44,654 --> 00:41:46,654
Hey, Vin, you in there?
799
00:41:46,656 --> 00:41:48,907
Did you bring
somebody with you?
800
00:41:48,909 --> 00:41:50,368
My cousin-in-law Sal.
801
00:41:51,661 --> 00:41:53,787
Quick, go get another
pillowcase.
802
00:42:06,803 --> 00:42:11,808
So, Frankenstein grabs
this mad scientist chick
803
00:42:13,185 --> 00:42:15,727
and throws her skinny ass out
the window.
804
00:42:15,729 --> 00:42:16,771
No way, man.
805
00:42:16,773 --> 00:42:18,523
And then what?
806
00:42:18,525 --> 00:42:20,691
Okay, I love this part.
807
00:42:20,693 --> 00:42:22,693
This is classic Costello.
808
00:42:22,695 --> 00:42:24,861
He's tied to this
operating table,
809
00:42:24,863 --> 00:42:27,741
and electrodes are blasting
arcs of light everywhere,
810
00:42:27,743 --> 00:42:29,158
and he turns to Abbott,
811
00:42:29,160 --> 00:42:32,286
and he says, "So, do you
believe me now?"
812
00:42:33,873 --> 00:42:36,625
Bro, it's the best,
813
00:42:36,627 --> 00:42:38,125
because the whole movie,
814
00:42:38,127 --> 00:42:40,921
Abbott thinks Costello's
full of shit, you know.
815
00:42:40,923 --> 00:42:42,381
And then all of a
sudden there he is
816
00:42:42,383 --> 00:42:44,717
staring at this
seven-foot-tall monster,
817
00:42:44,719 --> 00:42:46,093
and he realizes
818
00:42:46,095 --> 00:42:48,512
he was telling the truth
the whole time, man.
819
00:42:48,514 --> 00:42:50,472
Too funny.
820
00:42:50,474 --> 00:42:53,227
Well I guess you don't
realize the truth about someone
821
00:42:53,229 --> 00:42:55,562
until it's staring you in the
face, huh?
822
00:42:55,564 --> 00:42:57,983
Wow, that's deep.
823
00:42:59,734 --> 00:43:03,989
So anyway, the rest of
the movie has the monsters
824
00:43:03,991 --> 00:43:07,700
chasing the two across
this castle back and forth,
825
00:43:07,702 --> 00:43:10,161
like one of those old
Scooby-Doo cartoons,
826
00:43:10,163 --> 00:43:12,664
which I'm sure you've
seen like a million times.
827
00:43:12,666 --> 00:43:14,916
Shaggy's changed my life, man.
828
00:43:14,918 --> 00:43:17,794
Yeah, I bet.
829
00:43:17,796 --> 00:43:22,801
So finally, the movie ends
with Dracula and Wolfman
830
00:43:23,343 --> 00:43:25,886
falling to their deaths
from the castle tower,
831
00:43:25,888 --> 00:43:28,389
and Frankie burns to death.
832
00:43:28,391 --> 00:43:29,435
Come to think of it,
833
00:43:30,728 --> 00:43:34,061
how did Drac and Wolfy
bite it from their fall?
834
00:43:34,063 --> 00:43:36,440
It doesn't make any sense.
835
00:43:36,442 --> 00:43:37,356
Yeah, man, but you said
836
00:43:37,358 --> 00:43:39,275
they fell off the
side of the castle.
837
00:43:39,277 --> 00:43:40,280
Yeah, but bro,
838
00:43:41,280 --> 00:43:43,448
the only way to kill Dracula
839
00:43:43,450 --> 00:43:46,408
is by sunlight or a
stake through the heart.
840
00:43:46,410 --> 00:43:48,243
And everybody knows
you need silver bullets
841
00:43:48,245 --> 00:43:49,455
to kill a werewolf.
842
00:43:50,664 --> 00:43:52,625
So neither one of them
would've been killed
843
00:43:52,627 --> 00:43:54,003
from their falls.
844
00:43:54,962 --> 00:43:57,045
It doesn't make any
freaking sense.
845
00:43:57,047 --> 00:43:59,965
Yeah, but it's Abbott
and Costello, right?
846
00:43:59,967 --> 00:44:03,803
It's supposed to be like
ha ha funny, you know.
847
00:44:03,805 --> 00:44:06,975
Like, maybe it's a whole
part of the big joke.
848
00:44:09,894 --> 00:44:12,229
Yeah, I guess.
849
00:44:12,231 --> 00:44:13,896
Maybe you're right, kid.
850
00:44:13,898 --> 00:44:15,984
Maybe that's the biggest joke of
them all.
851
00:44:18,904 --> 00:44:20,362
You know what?
852
00:44:20,364 --> 00:44:21,573
You're all right, Sam.
853
00:44:22,991 --> 00:44:24,826
I'm sorry I slapped you earlier.
854
00:44:25,953 --> 00:44:27,495
No hard feelings, right?
855
00:44:27,497 --> 00:44:28,874
No hard feelings, man.
856
00:44:31,334 --> 00:44:33,003
So I guess you can untie me now.
857
00:44:34,671 --> 00:44:37,090
Yeah, I don't think so, buddy.
858
00:44:41,346 --> 00:44:43,136
Is this some
kind of sex thing?
859
00:44:43,138 --> 00:44:44,013
What?
860
00:44:44,015 --> 00:44:45,681
Did Marcus put
you up to this?
861
00:44:45,683 --> 00:44:48,560
Your friend kidnapped
my brother, you asshole.
862
00:44:48,562 --> 00:44:49,685
Oh.
863
00:44:49,687 --> 00:44:51,688
And now we're gonna swap
him out for you two guys.
864
00:44:51,690 --> 00:44:53,398
Isn't that exciting?
865
00:44:53,400 --> 00:44:54,275
Oh god!
866
00:44:54,277 --> 00:44:56,651
Why didn't you tell me
about this, Vin?
867
00:44:56,653 --> 00:44:58,153
Mm-mm-mm,
I thought he was here.
868
00:44:58,155 --> 00:44:59,073
Nope, he's not.
869
00:45:00,240 --> 00:45:02,907
Oh god, I had
nothing to do with this!
870
00:45:02,909 --> 00:45:04,368
Please don't kill me!
871
00:45:04,370 --> 00:45:05,412
We're not gonna kill you.
872
00:45:05,414 --> 00:45:06,872
Just relax.
873
00:45:06,874 --> 00:45:08,747
I should've
stayed in the damn clinic.
874
00:45:08,749 --> 00:45:10,542
What are you, some
kind of a doctor?
875
00:45:10,544 --> 00:45:11,792
Yeah, I'm a vet!
876
00:45:11,794 --> 00:45:13,587
I never hurt anyone
in my damn life.
877
00:45:13,589 --> 00:45:16,632
If you're a vet, that
means you shot at people,
878
00:45:16,634 --> 00:45:17,884
which means you hurt people,
879
00:45:17,886 --> 00:45:19,844
and that makes you a liar.
880
00:45:19,846 --> 00:45:20,677
What?
881
00:45:20,679 --> 00:45:22,387
No, I'm a veterinarian.
882
00:45:22,389 --> 00:45:23,222
Oh!
883
00:45:23,224 --> 00:45:24,764
My ex-boyfriend was vegan.
884
00:45:24,766 --> 00:45:26,309
He used to eat a lot of beans,
885
00:45:26,311 --> 00:45:27,143
which gave him gas.
886
00:45:27,145 --> 00:45:28,562
It was really gross.
887
00:45:28,564 --> 00:45:30,229
No, that's a vegetarian.
888
00:45:30,231 --> 00:45:31,647
I'm a veterinarian,
889
00:45:31,649 --> 00:45:33,691
you know, like animal doctor.
890
00:45:33,693 --> 00:45:34,901
Oh.
891
00:45:34,903 --> 00:45:36,486
Do you have puppies?
892
00:45:36,488 --> 00:45:37,988
Yeah, we have puppies.
893
00:45:37,990 --> 00:45:41,116
Ah, I love puppies.
894
00:45:41,118 --> 00:45:41,952
Mm.
895
00:45:45,956 --> 00:45:47,123
Oh god!
896
00:45:47,125 --> 00:45:48,043
Oh my god!
897
00:45:49,252 --> 00:45:50,754
Seriously?
898
00:45:51,923 --> 00:45:53,588
Aw, don't be so blue.
899
00:45:53,590 --> 00:45:55,633
Yeah, dude, what's up
with your face?
900
00:45:55,635 --> 00:45:58,718
It's called Argyria,
Wednesday Addams.
901
00:45:58,720 --> 00:46:00,012
Well that shit better
not be contagious,
902
00:46:00,014 --> 00:46:03,265
because I can't go around
looking like a damn Smurf!
903
00:46:03,267 --> 00:46:06,393
Aw, I think Smurfette
is beautiful.
904
00:46:06,395 --> 00:46:10,105
Ha ha, that's because
you're an idiot.
905
00:46:10,107 --> 00:46:10,940
Hey!
906
00:46:10,942 --> 00:46:13,235
It's not contagious, okay.
907
00:46:13,237 --> 00:46:14,444
Fine.
908
00:46:14,446 --> 00:46:17,365
Look, you two, we don't want
to start any trouble here.
909
00:46:17,367 --> 00:46:18,365
I want my brother back
910
00:46:18,367 --> 00:46:20,450
just as much as you two
want to be free,
911
00:46:20,452 --> 00:46:22,577
so let's get this over with
quickly, okay?
912
00:46:29,629 --> 00:46:30,879
Where are we going?
913
00:46:30,881 --> 00:46:32,339
We're going to the
old Tesla factory.
914
00:46:32,341 --> 00:46:33,632
We're gonna swap
you guys out with Sam,
915
00:46:33,634 --> 00:46:35,007
then you're free to go.
916
00:46:40,809 --> 00:46:41,810
Hmm.
917
00:46:53,990 --> 00:46:55,321
Can we hurry up with this?
918
00:46:55,323 --> 00:46:56,991
I have to get to work
early tomorrow.
919
00:46:56,993 --> 00:46:59,996
You can drop dead, pony boy.
920
00:47:01,455 --> 00:47:03,122
How about you, Dr. Doolittle?
921
00:47:03,124 --> 00:47:04,999
Do you have something to say?
922
00:47:05,001 --> 00:47:06,501
Hey, don't talk to
him like that.
923
00:47:06,503 --> 00:47:07,501
He's my cousin-in-law.
924
00:47:07,503 --> 00:47:09,920
I don't give a shit if
he's your cousin-in-law.
925
00:47:09,922 --> 00:47:12,298
He could be your
father for all I care.
926
00:47:12,300 --> 00:47:13,215
Don't talk about my father.
927
00:47:13,217 --> 00:47:15,217
I didn't talk about
your damn father!
928
00:47:15,219 --> 00:47:16,386
You just did.
929
00:47:16,388 --> 00:47:17,555
No, I didn't.
930
00:47:17,557 --> 00:47:18,848
- Yes, you did.
- No, I didn't.
931
00:47:18,850 --> 00:47:19,932
- Yes, you did.
- I...
932
00:47:19,934 --> 00:47:21,433
He's right, Simone, you did.
933
00:47:21,435 --> 00:47:23,602
You said, "Your damn father,"
934
00:47:23,604 --> 00:47:25,062
and that's just rude!
935
00:47:25,064 --> 00:47:28,608
Would you just shut
the hell up?
936
00:47:28,610 --> 00:47:30,943
Whose side are you on anyway?
937
00:47:30,945 --> 00:47:32,862
Keep your eyes on the road.
938
00:47:32,864 --> 00:47:33,739
Your side.
939
00:47:42,416 --> 00:47:44,084
Are they here yet?
940
00:47:45,544 --> 00:47:46,919
No.
941
00:47:46,921 --> 00:47:49,756
What happens if
they're not here on time?
942
00:47:49,758 --> 00:47:51,009
Are you gonna kill me?
943
00:47:52,386 --> 00:47:53,384
Oh come on, man!
944
00:47:53,386 --> 00:47:55,513
I never did anything to you!
945
00:47:55,515 --> 00:47:56,804
Relax.
946
00:47:56,806 --> 00:47:58,723
They'll be here.
947
00:47:58,725 --> 00:48:02,353
If your sister's smart,
she'll be here in five.
948
00:48:02,355 --> 00:48:03,562
Five minutes?
949
00:48:03,564 --> 00:48:05,564
What if they get lost?
950
00:48:05,566 --> 00:48:07,901
I'm sure she has a GPS.
951
00:48:07,903 --> 00:48:09,903
Look, man, I don't
want to die,
952
00:48:09,905 --> 00:48:12,488
not in here, not like this!
953
00:48:12,490 --> 00:48:14,240
Would you just chill?
954
00:48:14,242 --> 00:48:15,157
Chill?
955
00:48:15,159 --> 00:48:17,578
I have five minutes
left to live!
956
00:48:17,580 --> 00:48:18,746
Actually four.
957
00:48:18,748 --> 00:48:22,708
Oh man, ah, I'm really
good with computers, man.
958
00:48:22,710 --> 00:48:26,170
Like, I'll fix yours
totally free of charge.
959
00:48:26,172 --> 00:48:28,298
Haven't I taught you anything?
960
00:48:28,300 --> 00:48:30,968
Reptoids track us through
computers.
961
00:48:30,970 --> 00:48:32,927
Didn't you see
Enemy of the State?
962
00:48:32,929 --> 00:48:35,097
Of course I saw
Enemy of the State.
963
00:48:35,099 --> 00:48:37,391
That movie didn't
have any Reptars.
964
00:48:37,393 --> 00:48:38,599
What?
965
00:48:38,601 --> 00:48:41,103
It's Reptoids, you dopey shit.
966
00:48:41,105 --> 00:48:43,147
You didn't see them,
but they were there.
967
00:48:43,149 --> 00:48:46,109
They're the ones running the
show from behind the scenes.
968
00:48:46,111 --> 00:48:47,777
Screw that movie, man!
969
00:48:47,779 --> 00:48:49,361
I want to live.
970
00:48:49,363 --> 00:48:52,282
I could be like your sidekick,
you know,
971
00:48:52,284 --> 00:48:56,619
like Batman has, like, Robin.
972
00:48:56,621 --> 00:48:58,790
What the hell are
you talking about?
973
00:48:59,958 --> 00:49:03,126
You are my hostage.
974
00:49:03,128 --> 00:49:06,131
Robin was never Batman's
hostage.
975
00:49:06,133 --> 00:49:07,426
Please, man!
976
00:49:08,551 --> 00:49:10,426
Take a chill pill, junior.
977
00:49:10,428 --> 00:49:12,261
I'm not gonna kill you.
978
00:49:12,263 --> 00:49:14,763
I need you for the bloodsucker.
979
00:49:14,765 --> 00:49:15,724
Don't hurt her, man,
980
00:49:15,726 --> 00:49:16,978
not my Ashlee!
981
00:49:19,313 --> 00:49:20,147
Oh.
982
00:49:22,733 --> 00:49:25,485
So now she's your Ashlee.
983
00:49:26,779 --> 00:49:28,821
I know this is hard for you,
kid.
984
00:49:28,823 --> 00:49:30,490
She's obviously glamored you
985
00:49:30,492 --> 00:49:32,494
into being her obedient
puppy dog.
986
00:49:34,037 --> 00:49:37,122
My brain's too strong
for that shit.
987
00:49:37,124 --> 00:49:39,458
Once I slay her,
988
00:49:39,460 --> 00:49:42,545
you'll be free of her
spell once and for all.
989
00:49:57,063 --> 00:49:59,354
Looks like this is
your lucky day.
990
00:50:02,526 --> 00:50:03,442
Hello?
991
00:50:03,444 --> 00:50:05,612
Let me
speak to my brother.
992
00:50:05,614 --> 00:50:08,031
Yeah, there's
no talking on the phone,
993
00:50:08,033 --> 00:50:09,281
not on my watch.
994
00:50:09,283 --> 00:50:11,702
Well before you do
anything to my brother,
995
00:50:12,703 --> 00:50:15,706
you might want to speak to your
little boyfriend over here.
996
00:50:15,708 --> 00:50:16,541
Hey, man.
997
00:50:16,543 --> 00:50:17,832
Goddamn,
son of a bitch!
998
00:50:17,834 --> 00:50:19,376
Whoa.
999
00:50:19,378 --> 00:50:20,544
Take it easy.
1000
00:50:20,546 --> 00:50:21,836
We're all tied up here.
1001
00:50:21,838 --> 00:50:24,090
I was gonna come alone,
but Sal wanted to come too,
1002
00:50:24,092 --> 00:50:25,508
and he's tied up in the back.
1003
00:50:25,510 --> 00:50:26,550
What?
1004
00:50:26,552 --> 00:50:27,678
Can we hurry this up?
1005
00:50:27,680 --> 00:50:28,803
It's kind of late
1006
00:50:28,805 --> 00:50:30,138
and I really have to go to
work early in the morning.
1007
00:50:30,140 --> 00:50:31,141
Goddammit!
1008
00:50:32,058 --> 00:50:33,893
Hey, that's my iPhone, dude!
1009
00:50:35,229 --> 00:50:37,397
Your sister's a
sneaky little bitch.
1010
00:50:38,232 --> 00:50:39,651
No, it's not her.
1011
00:50:41,110 --> 00:50:42,945
It's your little vampire friend.
1012
00:50:44,280 --> 00:50:46,240
She thinks she can outsmart me.
1013
00:50:49,159 --> 00:50:51,912
Okay, let's get
this over with.
1014
00:50:51,914 --> 00:50:52,997
Yay!
1015
00:51:44,095 --> 00:51:45,430
Where are they?
1016
00:51:46,472 --> 00:51:47,765
I don't know.
1017
00:51:50,309 --> 00:51:53,853
Do you think Sam is dead?
1018
00:51:53,855 --> 00:51:55,022
What?
1019
00:51:55,024 --> 00:51:55,940
Ashlee, no!
1020
00:51:55,942 --> 00:51:58,150
Why would you say
something like that?
1021
00:51:58,152 --> 00:51:59,025
I don't know.
1022
00:51:59,027 --> 00:52:01,194
I was just trying to
make conversation.
1023
00:52:01,196 --> 00:52:04,158
You have a real fucked
up way of doing that.
1024
00:52:11,666 --> 00:52:12,500
Shit!
1025
00:52:18,341 --> 00:52:19,339
Whoa, watch that, dude!
1026
00:52:19,341 --> 00:52:20,175
Shut up!
1027
00:52:27,518 --> 00:52:28,432
Hello?
1028
00:52:34,358 --> 00:52:36,443
I heard your phone, asshole!
1029
00:52:39,781 --> 00:52:41,029
Hey, if you don't show yourself,
1030
00:52:41,031 --> 00:52:42,908
I'm gonna kill your
buddies over here.
1031
00:52:47,830 --> 00:52:49,497
Ashlee!
1032
00:52:49,499 --> 00:52:50,497
Why are you yelling?
1033
00:52:50,499 --> 00:52:51,334
I'm right here.
1034
00:52:53,128 --> 00:52:54,043
Okay.
1035
00:52:54,045 --> 00:52:57,548
Um, rip that guy's head off!
1036
00:52:57,550 --> 00:52:58,382
Oh god, no!
1037
00:52:58,384 --> 00:52:59,427
Are you crazy?
1038
00:53:00,469 --> 00:53:01,719
I'm just making it up, idiot.
1039
00:53:01,721 --> 00:53:02,972
Just play along.
1040
00:53:04,557 --> 00:53:05,640
Okay, Simone.
1041
00:53:05,642 --> 00:53:10,270
Um, I'm gonna go and
rip this guy's head off
1042
00:53:10,272 --> 00:53:12,397
and then he will die.
1043
00:53:12,399 --> 00:53:13,732
Was that okay?
1044
00:53:13,734 --> 00:53:14,902
It was fine.
1045
00:53:16,945 --> 00:53:17,777
Hey!
1046
00:53:26,873 --> 00:53:28,039
Oh my god, Sam!
1047
00:53:28,041 --> 00:53:29,624
Back off, freak show!
1048
00:53:29,626 --> 00:53:31,417
This wasn't part of the deal.
1049
00:53:31,419 --> 00:53:35,171
Yeah, well, I decided to
change the rules, asshole!
1050
00:53:35,173 --> 00:53:37,758
You didn't decide anything!
1051
00:53:37,760 --> 00:53:38,761
She did.
1052
00:53:39,763 --> 00:53:41,094
What?
1053
00:53:41,096 --> 00:53:42,639
Yeah.
1054
00:53:42,641 --> 00:53:44,641
I know it was you, bloodsucker.
1055
00:53:44,643 --> 00:53:47,435
You're the one who
masterminded this whole plan.
1056
00:53:47,437 --> 00:53:49,186
Well you know what?
1057
00:53:49,188 --> 00:53:51,649
No matter what happens here
tonight,
1058
00:53:51,651 --> 00:53:53,691
you're not gonna make
it out of here alive.
1059
00:53:53,693 --> 00:53:56,153
She's not alive, brainiac.
1060
00:53:56,155 --> 00:53:57,448
You know what I mean.
1061
00:53:59,075 --> 00:54:00,282
Oh my god!
1062
00:54:00,284 --> 00:54:01,115
Sam!
1063
00:54:01,117 --> 00:54:02,660
Don't you hurt him!
1064
00:54:39,661 --> 00:54:40,952
Give her to me,
1065
00:54:40,954 --> 00:54:42,327
and I'll let your brother live!
1066
00:54:42,329 --> 00:54:43,204
No!
1067
00:54:43,206 --> 00:54:44,664
You give me my brother
1068
00:54:44,666 --> 00:54:47,333
or I will have her
rip their heads off!
1069
00:54:47,335 --> 00:54:49,001
Can't you see?
1070
00:54:49,003 --> 00:54:51,087
She has you under her spell.
1071
00:54:51,089 --> 00:54:52,046
Her?
1072
00:54:52,048 --> 00:54:53,841
Are you kidding me?
1073
00:54:53,843 --> 00:54:56,676
She has the IQ of a lab rat.
1074
00:54:56,678 --> 00:54:58,845
Hey, that's not nice!
1075
00:54:58,847 --> 00:55:02,683
Ashlee, I'm trying to
save my brother here.
1076
00:55:02,685 --> 00:55:04,311
Well, if I wanted to,
1077
00:55:04,313 --> 00:55:07,355
I can do that thing,
like you said.
1078
00:55:07,357 --> 00:55:08,856
Shut up, you!
1079
00:55:08,858 --> 00:55:10,525
I know what you're trying to do.
1080
00:55:10,527 --> 00:55:12,360
You're making her think
that you're not in control
1081
00:55:12,362 --> 00:55:14,737
so now I think that
she's in control.
1082
00:55:36,931 --> 00:55:39,140
Oh, what is that?
1083
00:55:39,142 --> 00:55:40,268
Are you okay?
1084
00:55:41,144 --> 00:55:42,977
Oh, yeah, it's just that...
1085
00:55:42,979 --> 00:55:45,021
I'm getting tired of waiting.
1086
00:55:45,023 --> 00:55:47,356
Bring her to me or
I'm gonna kill him!
1087
00:55:47,358 --> 00:55:49,399
Don't you hurt him!
1088
00:55:49,401 --> 00:55:51,319
I swear to god
I'm gonna do it!
1089
00:55:51,321 --> 00:55:52,155
No!
1090
00:55:54,574 --> 00:55:55,699
No!
1091
00:55:55,701 --> 00:55:57,451
What the fuck?
1092
00:55:57,453 --> 00:55:59,245
All of you are fucking
psychopaths!
1093
00:55:59,247 --> 00:56:00,078
I don't want to do this!
1094
00:56:00,080 --> 00:56:01,038
What are you doing?
1095
00:56:01,040 --> 00:56:02,455
You forced my hand!
1096
00:56:02,457 --> 00:56:03,832
You're screwing everything up!
1097
00:56:03,834 --> 00:56:05,168
I'm getting us out of here!
1098
00:56:05,170 --> 00:56:06,378
Come on, Vin!
1099
00:56:06,380 --> 00:56:07,878
It's about time.
1100
00:56:07,880 --> 00:56:09,256
I'll see you tomorrow, Marcus.
1101
00:56:09,258 --> 00:56:10,673
Hey, can you untie me?
1102
00:56:10,675 --> 00:56:11,634
Uh, sure.
1103
00:56:12,469 --> 00:56:13,593
Grab him, Ashlee!
1104
00:56:13,595 --> 00:56:14,427
What?
1105
00:56:14,429 --> 00:56:15,638
Grab him!
1106
00:56:15,640 --> 00:56:16,846
Aw come on.
1107
00:56:16,848 --> 00:56:18,265
I gotta get some sleep, yo.
1108
00:56:18,267 --> 00:56:19,433
She's a female, Vin!
1109
00:56:19,435 --> 00:56:20,685
Lose her!
1110
00:56:22,104 --> 00:56:23,520
She isn't normal!
1111
00:56:23,522 --> 00:56:25,355
Yeah, she got me
with a powerful grip.
1112
00:56:25,357 --> 00:56:27,568
I'm sorry, she told
me to do it!
1113
00:56:27,570 --> 00:56:28,943
It's okay.
1114
00:56:28,945 --> 00:56:30,778
Just be gentle.
1115
00:56:30,780 --> 00:56:32,447
Hey, you better tell
your friend to...
1116
00:56:32,449 --> 00:56:34,157
To what, huh?
1117
00:56:34,159 --> 00:56:37,452
What are you gonna do, kill me?
1118
00:56:51,596 --> 00:56:52,885
I just want to go home!
1119
00:56:52,887 --> 00:56:54,762
Well you're not the only one!
1120
00:56:54,764 --> 00:56:56,599
Why don't you let him go?
1121
00:56:56,601 --> 00:56:58,766
Don't let him go, Ashlee!
1122
00:56:58,768 --> 00:56:59,728
Let him go!
1123
00:57:01,146 --> 00:57:02,438
Don't let him go!
1124
00:57:02,440 --> 00:57:03,274
Let him go!
1125
00:57:04,108 --> 00:57:05,649
I will not let him go!
1126
00:57:05,651 --> 00:57:07,819
Let me go.
1127
00:57:07,821 --> 00:57:08,903
I will not let you go.
1128
00:57:08,905 --> 00:57:09,738
Let me go!
1129
00:57:09,740 --> 00:57:10,571
I'll never let you go.
1130
00:57:10,573 --> 00:57:11,406
Let me go.
1131
00:57:11,408 --> 00:57:14,158
I'll never let you go.
1132
00:57:14,160 --> 00:57:17,413
♪ No no no no no no no ♪
1133
00:57:17,415 --> 00:57:18,831
Oh mamma mia.
1134
00:57:18,833 --> 00:57:19,998
Simone!
1135
00:57:31,889 --> 00:57:32,845
Vin!
1136
00:57:37,644 --> 00:57:38,853
Get her off him.
1137
00:57:43,192 --> 00:57:45,609
Prepare to meet your maker,
spawn of...
1138
00:57:45,611 --> 00:57:46,985
Hey!
1139
00:57:49,281 --> 00:57:50,364
What the hell?
1140
00:57:50,366 --> 00:57:51,784
Munchkins!
1141
00:57:51,786 --> 00:57:53,287
Goddamn munchkins!
1142
00:57:55,747 --> 00:57:56,581
Hey, guys.
1143
00:57:58,251 --> 00:57:59,084
Ring toss?
1144
00:58:00,086 --> 00:58:01,671
How you feeling, doc?
1145
00:58:04,716 --> 00:58:06,466
Ugh, I know that guy.
1146
00:58:06,468 --> 00:58:07,549
Me too.
1147
00:58:07,551 --> 00:58:08,969
Hey, all right,
1148
00:58:08,971 --> 00:58:10,722
looks like you got
your color back.
1149
00:58:15,894 --> 00:58:18,144
Ew, gross, what,
1150
00:58:18,146 --> 00:58:19,104
what is this?
1151
00:58:19,106 --> 00:58:20,898
That's disgusting.
1152
00:58:20,900 --> 00:58:22,441
As if!
1153
00:58:22,443 --> 00:58:24,153
I just set you free, doc.
1154
00:58:25,905 --> 00:58:28,573
Here, let me show you.
1155
00:58:28,575 --> 00:58:30,993
No, turn it off, turn it off!
1156
00:58:30,995 --> 00:58:32,953
Oh my god!
1157
00:58:32,955 --> 00:58:35,038
What is that noise?
1158
00:58:35,040 --> 00:58:36,247
I don't hear anything.
1159
00:58:36,249 --> 00:58:37,707
Oh shit!
1160
00:58:37,709 --> 00:58:39,418
Oh no you don't!
1161
00:58:39,420 --> 00:58:42,255
Yeah, pal, I'm not gonna
let you hurt my Ashlee.
1162
00:58:42,257 --> 00:58:44,840
It's not her, it's that guy.
1163
00:58:44,842 --> 00:58:47,927
If we don't stop him, we're
all gonna be in big trouble.
1164
00:58:47,929 --> 00:58:50,262
Nobody's
stopping me, buddy.
1165
00:58:50,264 --> 00:58:53,519
In fact, why don't we just
kick this up a notch, huh?
1166
00:58:58,983 --> 00:59:00,816
What is that?
1167
00:59:02,611 --> 00:59:04,737
How you feeling, doc?
1168
01:00:40,260 --> 01:00:41,341
Shit, it's a dead end!
1169
01:00:49,185 --> 01:00:50,061
Um, guys.
1170
01:01:08,916 --> 01:01:09,830
I got this.
1171
01:01:54,757 --> 01:01:56,298
Oh.
1172
01:01:56,300 --> 01:01:57,925
It's about time you showed up.
1173
01:01:57,927 --> 01:02:00,593
You know, it took
me a while to find you guys.
1174
01:02:05,310 --> 01:02:06,687
Marcus, I got your back.
1175
01:02:49,732 --> 01:02:52,485
Get out of the way,
slime ball!
1176
01:02:55,238 --> 01:02:57,532
You two can leave.
1177
01:02:58,992 --> 01:03:01,536
Not you, sweet cheeks, not you.
1178
01:04:08,318 --> 01:04:09,358
Ew!
1179
01:04:09,360 --> 01:04:10,444
What is that?
1180
01:04:11,612 --> 01:04:14,407
Just some dog pheromones
to get the action started.
1181
01:04:15,952 --> 01:04:17,368
Knock it off, dude.
1182
01:04:17,370 --> 01:04:18,618
This ain't funny.
1183
01:04:27,297 --> 01:04:28,170
Vin.
1184
01:04:40,437 --> 01:04:41,602
Vin.
1185
01:04:41,604 --> 01:04:42,979
Mom, mom?
1186
01:04:42,981 --> 01:04:43,857
Hey, buddy.
1187
01:04:44,983 --> 01:04:45,984
You're not my mom.
1188
01:04:47,318 --> 01:04:48,902
I wish I knew how to quit you.
1189
01:04:50,113 --> 01:04:51,365
Now come on, let's go.
1190
01:04:54,826 --> 01:04:56,159
Simone.
1191
01:05:01,083 --> 01:05:02,876
Are you okay?
1192
01:05:02,878 --> 01:05:04,376
I think I'll be all right.
1193
01:05:08,341 --> 01:05:10,091
Well, it's
about damn time.
1194
01:05:18,853 --> 01:05:21,270
Hey there, Squid fans.
1195
01:05:21,272 --> 01:05:23,022
It's your old Uncle Todd
1196
01:05:23,024 --> 01:05:27,528
reporting to you live with
an unprecedented event,
1197
01:05:27,530 --> 01:05:29,990
and have I got a
surprise for you.
1198
01:05:31,117 --> 01:05:34,327
I was gonna keep this in
my private video stash,
1199
01:05:34,329 --> 01:05:38,415
but I decided it's just
too good not to share!
1200
01:05:38,417 --> 01:05:43,422
So I present to you the gonzo
porn event of the century,
1201
01:05:44,506 --> 01:05:49,511
a vampire and a werewolf in
1202
01:05:51,431 --> 01:05:53,599
Monster Fuckbags!
1203
01:06:03,903 --> 01:06:06,444
Hey, get out of
the shot, junior!
1204
01:06:06,446 --> 01:06:07,531
Let go of her!
1205
01:06:10,825 --> 01:06:12,827
You're gonna get
yourself killed, kid.
1206
01:06:13,996 --> 01:06:15,121
Here.
1207
01:06:15,123 --> 01:06:16,164
Watch it, buddy.
1208
01:06:16,166 --> 01:06:17,000
Huh?
1209
01:06:20,503 --> 01:06:22,670
Hey, you want to be a cowboy?
1210
01:06:22,672 --> 01:06:23,547
Hell yeah, partner.
1211
01:06:31,682 --> 01:06:32,516
Hey.
1212
01:06:34,727 --> 01:06:35,937
You just read my mind.
1213
01:06:41,025 --> 01:06:42,027
Hey, blue balls!
1214
01:06:44,779 --> 01:06:47,780
Come get some.
1215
01:06:47,782 --> 01:06:48,949
Oh come on!
1216
01:06:52,664 --> 01:06:53,580
Now, kid!
1217
01:07:08,763 --> 01:07:09,846
Don't mind me.
1218
01:07:20,235 --> 01:07:21,068
Ow!
1219
01:07:32,040 --> 01:07:33,038
Marcus!
1220
01:07:57,234 --> 01:07:58,065
Shit!
1221
01:08:04,617 --> 01:08:07,617
How about a little
bit more of eau du Fido?
1222
01:08:07,619 --> 01:08:09,536
No, what are you doing?
1223
01:08:09,538 --> 01:08:10,539
Crazy bitch!
1224
01:08:22,970 --> 01:08:24,803
Hey there, Squid fans.
1225
01:08:24,805 --> 01:08:28,056
There are some interesting
developments happening
1226
01:08:28,058 --> 01:08:30,685
at this very moment.
1227
01:08:30,687 --> 01:08:34,229
Good old Uncle Todd
decided to, uh, well,
1228
01:08:34,231 --> 01:08:37,024
get in on some
of the doggy action.
1229
01:08:37,026 --> 01:08:37,861
So stick around!
1230
01:08:38,821 --> 01:08:40,861
You don't want to miss this.
1231
01:08:56,381 --> 01:08:57,632
That's gross!
1232
01:09:00,260 --> 01:09:02,428
So much for Asian stereotypes.
1233
01:09:25,955 --> 01:09:28,041
You knew he was
a werewolf, didn't you?
1234
01:09:30,000 --> 01:09:31,667
Used to bite
all the local dogs
1235
01:09:31,669 --> 01:09:33,796
to get patients for his
veterinary clinic.
1236
01:09:34,796 --> 01:09:36,297
Some racket.
1237
01:09:36,299 --> 01:09:40,052
It was, until we got pieces
of Vin's mom silverware
1238
01:09:40,054 --> 01:09:40,888
into his blood.
1239
01:09:41,930 --> 01:09:43,763
That's how his skin turned blue.
1240
01:09:43,765 --> 01:09:45,850
She's still pissed off about
that.
1241
01:09:54,860 --> 01:09:56,904
He must've just finished.
1242
01:09:58,030 --> 01:09:59,112
Shouldn't we discuss what
we're gonna do
1243
01:09:59,114 --> 01:10:00,449
with those two in there?
1244
01:10:02,078 --> 01:10:03,993
After what we just
went through, no.
1245
01:10:03,995 --> 01:10:05,828
I think we should just
go home now.
1246
01:10:05,830 --> 01:10:08,083
Hey, we're all in this
together.
1247
01:10:10,253 --> 01:10:11,087
Fine.
1248
01:10:12,754 --> 01:10:14,171
I admit it.
1249
01:10:14,173 --> 01:10:16,757
I miscalculated a few things,
1250
01:10:16,759 --> 01:10:19,594
but we made a pretty
good team in there.
1251
01:10:19,596 --> 01:10:22,221
When we weren't trying
to kill each other.
1252
01:10:22,223 --> 01:10:23,849
I thought we made
a great team.
1253
01:10:24,851 --> 01:10:26,977
Hey, bloodsucker!
1254
01:10:32,317 --> 01:10:33,193
You're all right.
1255
01:10:34,862 --> 01:10:37,864
Looks like Van Helsing's
had a change of heart.
1256
01:10:37,866 --> 01:10:38,906
Who's Van Helsing?
1257
01:10:44,957 --> 01:10:47,081
Can I get my keys back, dude?
1258
01:10:55,010 --> 01:10:55,884
Need a lift?
1259
01:10:55,886 --> 01:10:56,718
Yeah, man.
1260
01:10:56,720 --> 01:10:58,344
I gotta work in four hours.
1261
01:15:31,433 --> 01:15:33,101
Todd.
1262
01:15:54,221 --> 01:15:55,814
Subtitles by explosiveskull
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