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00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,001
(sparks)
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00:00:03,044 --> 00:00:05,672
(flames roar)
3
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,648
- [Narrator] Who are
the mentally retarded?
4
00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:26,943
- About 800,000 with
disabilities are unemployed
5
00:00:26,985 --> 00:00:28,695
even though they're
able to work.
6
00:00:28,737 --> 00:00:29,904
- [Narrator] In
most communities,
7
00:00:29,946 --> 00:00:32,449
ambulance crews will not
handle disturbed people.
8
00:00:32,490 --> 00:00:34,826
- [Narrator] Unemployment for
the disabled is discouraging.
9
00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:36,661
- [Narrator] And
speaking of jobs,
10
00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:38,705
most people if they
believe they are able
11
00:00:38,747 --> 00:00:41,624
to perform any
useful work at all,
12
00:00:41,666 --> 00:00:43,835
probably think of
them only in terms
13
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:46,963
of the most simple
manual operations.
14
00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:48,757
- [Narrator] It is
estimated that one million
15
00:00:48,757 --> 00:00:51,301
with a disability
can't find work.
16
00:00:51,342 --> 00:00:52,719
- They told her to get out.
17
00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:54,721
- [Narrator] Their ability
to learn will vary according
18
00:00:54,763 --> 00:00:56,765
to the training, experience,
19
00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:58,975
and personal dedication
of the teacher.
20
00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:01,311
- They claim the DOJ
is looking into whether
21
00:01:01,352 --> 00:01:03,980
the school violated the
Federal Disabilities Act.
22
00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:05,815
- [Narrator] People with
physical handicaps get to be
23
00:01:05,857 --> 00:01:07,609
even President of
the United States.
24
00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:09,027
- Uh, I don't know what I said!
25
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:11,029
Uh, I don't remember!
26
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:12,781
- When a policeman
gets hurt handling
27
00:01:12,822 --> 00:01:15,366
a mentally disturbed person,
28
00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:16,785
it's mostly because he has tried
29
00:01:16,826 --> 00:01:18,995
to handle the whole
deal by himself.
30
00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:23,374
("Everyone Respects
the Gun" by Everlast)
31
00:01:46,689 --> 00:01:49,609
♪ Everybody meets their maker
32
00:01:49,651 --> 00:01:52,737
♪ Everyone, they feel the fire
33
00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:55,615
♪ Everybody's on the taking
34
00:01:55,657 --> 00:01:58,660
♪ Everyone's a fucking liar
35
00:01:58,701 --> 00:02:01,621
♪ Everyone's another suspect
36
00:02:01,663 --> 00:02:04,624
♪ Everybody's on the run
37
00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:07,544
♪ Everybody fears the box and
38
00:02:07,585 --> 00:02:11,339
♪ Everyone respects the gun
39
00:02:19,722 --> 00:02:23,476
♪ Everyone respects the gun
40
00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:25,061
- Woo.
41
00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:26,980
(laughs)
42
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:29,566
They grew these boys in a lab.
43
00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:30,567
- Steroids?
44
00:02:30,608 --> 00:02:31,901
- I don't know.
45
00:02:31,943 --> 00:02:33,611
I'd have to feel
their nut sacks.
46
00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:35,029
- Yeah. What?
47
00:02:35,071 --> 00:02:36,614
- Yeah, roids.
48
00:02:36,614 --> 00:02:40,410
Turns your testiculars
into tiny packing peanuts.
49
00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:42,453
- Why do you know that?
50
00:02:43,913 --> 00:02:45,707
- There's no good answer.
51
00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:46,833
- You know, forget I asked.
52
00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:47,709
-Okay.
53
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:53,798
- Gentlemen.
54
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,425
- Nice outfit.
55
00:02:55,466 --> 00:02:57,510
Now, do you prefer Darth or
the more formal Mr. Vader?
56
00:02:57,552 --> 00:02:58,845
(laughs)
57
00:02:58,845 --> 00:02:59,971
- Yeah, outfit's so black,
58
00:02:59,971 --> 00:03:04,559
you could have a civil
rights protest in your pants.
59
00:03:04,559 --> 00:03:06,352
- Jerome, it's fine.
60
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,897
- Welcome to Los Angeles.
61
00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:10,064
We're here to help you.
62
00:03:10,064 --> 00:03:12,400
- Yeah, and why
should I trust you?
63
00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:13,860
- Well, you shouldn't
'cause we're criminals,
64
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:17,906
but I want you to know, just
trust that you can trust us.
65
00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:21,492
- I never trust trusting people.
66
00:03:21,492 --> 00:03:22,869
I'm not a truster.
67
00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:27,207
- Well, this guy could
write greeting cards.
68
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:29,417
- Now that we're all nice and
snugly, are we gonna do this?
69
00:03:29,417 --> 00:03:30,710
- Yeah, he's right,
let's get to business.
70
00:03:30,710 --> 00:03:31,878
- Deal's off.
71
00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:33,504
- Because of a couple
of mild insults?
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00:03:33,504 --> 00:03:35,798
My god, we gotta drug dealer
with a self-esteem problem.
73
00:03:35,798 --> 00:03:37,050
- If you want, we
can pay in hugs.
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00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:37,884
(laughs)
75
00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:39,135
- The deal's off.
76
00:03:39,135 --> 00:03:40,970
- Come on, the truck
is right there waiting
77
00:03:40,970 --> 00:03:42,597
to get turned into money!
78
00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:43,723
Let's do this!
(loud thud)
79
00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:46,601
Whoa!
- See, I don't see a truck.
80
00:03:46,601 --> 00:03:47,769
I see cops.
81
00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:49,229
- The hell are you
babbling about?
82
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,481
- Todd Parker, LAPD.
83
00:03:52,523 --> 00:03:55,235
Now, I didn't find
anything on you,
84
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,111
but that don't mean
you ain't a piggy too.
85
00:03:57,111 --> 00:03:58,655
- You do have trust issues.
86
00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:01,824
Your step-mama
should've breastfed you.
87
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:03,910
Nobody move.
88
00:04:09,791 --> 00:04:12,126
Mother--
(loud horn)
89
00:04:12,126 --> 00:04:13,878
You're a cop?
90
00:04:13,878 --> 00:04:15,797
You're a (loud horn) cop?
91
00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:17,966
(gun fires)
(groans)
92
00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:22,512
- What are you--
(gun firing)
93
00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:25,014
- Now, that's eight shots.
94
00:04:25,014 --> 00:04:28,017
That means I got just
enough to double tap you
95
00:04:28,017 --> 00:04:30,103
and that pleather jacket.
96
00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:32,939
What now?
97
00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:36,025
- You're a cop.
98
00:04:37,568 --> 00:04:39,612
Oh, you're crazy.
99
00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:42,824
Either way, that's
bad for business.
100
00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:44,075
That's what now.
101
00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:48,871
Torch it.
102
00:04:48,871 --> 00:04:49,747
- Oh no.
103
00:04:49,747 --> 00:04:50,748
No!
104
00:04:50,748 --> 00:04:51,291
(loud crash)
(fire roars)
105
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,166
No! No!
106
00:04:53,668 --> 00:04:56,170
(loud thud)
107
00:04:56,170 --> 00:04:57,463
- Fowler!
108
00:04:57,588 --> 00:04:58,506
- Fowler!
109
00:04:58,506 --> 00:04:59,173
Wake up!
110
00:05:00,049 --> 00:05:01,175
Fowler!
111
00:05:01,259 --> 00:05:02,552
Fowler, wake up!
112
00:05:02,593 --> 00:05:04,012
Fowler!
113
00:05:04,053 --> 00:05:05,138
- Captain.
114
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:06,723
Captain, arrest me right now.
115
00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:08,057
- What?
116
00:05:08,057 --> 00:05:09,225
- You gotta arrest me right now.
117
00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:10,768
They got cameras
all over this place.
118
00:05:10,768 --> 00:05:11,894
You can make it look good.
- Fowler, it's over.
119
00:05:11,894 --> 00:05:12,979
They're gone.
120
00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:13,980
- I'm sorry, Captain.
121
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:18,151
(loud thud)
(groans)
122
00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:21,863
Captain, rough me up.
123
00:05:21,863 --> 00:05:22,739
You gotta rough me up right--
124
00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:24,824
(loud thud)
125
00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:29,162
Perfect, that's--
(loud thud)
126
00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:31,205
(coughs)
127
00:05:32,123 --> 00:05:35,168
(upbeat rock music)
128
00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:40,274
- Next time, warn a guy
if you're gonna kick him
129
00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:41,734
in the backup singers.
130
00:06:41,734 --> 00:06:43,111
- Sorry, Captain, I was trying
131
00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:45,363
to not blow cover
like dumb ass here.
132
00:06:45,363 --> 00:06:46,531
How is he?
- How is he?
133
00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:48,116
He's shot, you piece of shit!
134
00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:49,283
I want him gone!
135
00:06:49,283 --> 00:06:50,201
You're out, Fowler!
136
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:51,327
I already called my union rep--
137
00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:52,703
- Really, is that what you did?
138
00:06:52,745 --> 00:06:53,663
- Fowler!
139
00:06:53,704 --> 00:06:54,914
- Okay, fine.
140
00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:56,165
Let's talk about the master
141
00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:58,584
undercover officer
in front of us.
142
00:06:58,626 --> 00:07:01,879
You suck so bad, they
had a folder on you.
143
00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:03,005
They had your email.
144
00:07:03,047 --> 00:07:04,674
They had your
prostate measurements,
145
00:07:04,715 --> 00:07:05,967
which you should
probably check again
146
00:07:06,008 --> 00:07:08,052
while your head is
still up your ass!
147
00:07:08,052 --> 00:07:08,970
They had your address.
148
00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:10,304
They had your phone number.
149
00:07:10,304 --> 00:07:13,057
They had your ex-girlfriend's
sexual preference,
150
00:07:13,057 --> 00:07:15,143
and you know what, it ain't you!
151
00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:17,145
I saved your life tonight.
152
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:19,397
You're lucky that I shot
you in the leg and the vest,
153
00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:21,023
instead of the head!
154
00:07:21,023 --> 00:07:22,442
- You wanna go?
155
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:23,818
I'll kill you right here,
156
00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:24,944
you piece of shit!
- Let's go, bring it!
157
00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:26,154
- Let me get up there!
- Let's go!
158
00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:27,321
Come on, any time!
- I'll kill you,
159
00:07:27,321 --> 00:07:28,448
you son of a bitch!
- Any time, any time!
160
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:29,157
Let's do this!
- I got you, Fowler!
161
00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:30,700
- Right here!
162
00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:31,701
- I'm gonna sock--
- All you got, all you got!
163
00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:32,785
Yeah, watch this!
164
00:07:32,785 --> 00:07:35,913
(loud squishing)
(screams)
165
00:07:35,913 --> 00:07:36,789
- Hey!
166
00:07:39,041 --> 00:07:42,420
What the hell is wrong with you?
167
00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:44,714
(loud squish)
168
00:07:44,797 --> 00:07:46,048
- What?
- Right.
169
00:07:46,048 --> 00:07:47,300
Enough of this.
170
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,134
Outside!
171
00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:53,306
(sniffs)
(groans)
172
00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:57,351
- [Captain Wynn] I can't
do this anymore.
173
00:07:57,351 --> 00:07:58,978
- Well, then find
me a decent partner.
174
00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:00,938
- Well, that's a
tall order, Fowler,
175
00:08:00,938 --> 00:08:02,940
because you're a violent,
arrogant douche bag
176
00:08:02,940 --> 00:08:04,817
that thinks about
nothing but himself.
177
00:08:04,817 --> 00:08:06,944
- I like puppies.
178
00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:08,446
- There's no one left.
179
00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:10,239
If I put you in
parking enforcement,
180
00:08:10,239 --> 00:08:11,908
you'd get shot by a meter maid.
181
00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:13,868
- That baby wasn't mine.
182
00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:15,286
- What?
- She slept with anybody
183
00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:16,913
who had a nice car.
184
00:08:18,414 --> 00:08:21,292
- You got a meter maid pregnant?
185
00:08:21,292 --> 00:08:23,169
- You didn't know that.
186
00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:27,965
That cutie that works the
beach in Santa Monica?
187
00:08:27,965 --> 00:08:28,966
Mikayla?
188
00:08:28,966 --> 00:08:29,967
- Monster Mikayla?
189
00:08:29,967 --> 00:08:31,427
She's as big as me.
190
00:08:31,427 --> 00:08:33,012
- Just Mikayla, sir.
191
00:08:33,012 --> 00:08:36,307
And she has a thyroid
thing, like you.
192
00:08:36,307 --> 00:08:39,352
Aggravated by a cheesecake
thing, like you.
193
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:41,729
- You really are a lowlife.
194
00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:44,357
- Sir, what about my car?
195
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,274
It's 35 grand.
196
00:08:45,274 --> 00:08:46,943
(Captain laughs)
197
00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:48,903
Sir, am I on the precinct's
insurance or not?
198
00:08:48,903 --> 00:08:50,363
(Captain laughs)
199
00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:52,406
I'm gonna need
something from you guys!
200
00:08:52,406 --> 00:08:54,742
- [Captain] Go fuck
yourself, Fowler!
201
00:08:54,742 --> 00:08:58,204
("Moneymaker" by Everlast)
202
00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:05,169
- I can't do it.
203
00:09:05,169 --> 00:09:06,379
- Say it's a demo.
204
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:07,255
- It's not.
205
00:09:07,255 --> 00:09:08,839
- That's why you say it.
206
00:09:08,839 --> 00:09:11,092
Because of that fight with
your wife was assault,
207
00:09:11,092 --> 00:09:13,928
but in my report,
I said it wasn't.
208
00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:16,222
- Garrett, she
chased me with a bat.
209
00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:17,848
- And she fell down the
stairs and got hurt,
210
00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:19,267
which, again, with my testimony,
211
00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:21,143
would totally be
seen as assault.
212
00:09:21,143 --> 00:09:22,353
- She was drunk and on molly
213
00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:23,980
she got from her new girlfriend.
214
00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:26,816
- Well, that means she's
part of the LGBT community,
215
00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:28,859
which makes her a hero.
216
00:09:28,859 --> 00:09:31,445
But it also means you
committed a hate crime.
217
00:09:31,445 --> 00:09:34,198
Oh my god, I feel
a tear coming on.
218
00:09:34,198 --> 00:09:35,074
Don't cry, Garrett.
219
00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:36,033
Hold it back, Garrett.
220
00:09:36,033 --> 00:09:38,327
Save it for...the jury.
221
00:09:39,287 --> 00:09:41,497
♪ Go on, honey,
shake your moneymaker
222
00:09:41,497 --> 00:09:44,083
♪ Baby I'm a sinner,
all I've done is wrong
223
00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:47,003
♪ Everybody clap your
hands, sing a simple song
224
00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:49,505
♪ Whiskey it spills
and we all get along
225
00:09:49,505 --> 00:09:52,174
♪ But Louis keep it real,
take a hit from the bong
226
00:09:52,174 --> 00:09:55,011
(tires screech)
(car revs)
227
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:57,555
♪ Three times a lady,
easy like Sunday morning
228
00:09:57,555 --> 00:10:00,266
♪ On and on until
the break of dawn
229
00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:03,019
♪ Hot butter on, say
what, the popcorn
230
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:05,605
♪ Yes, yes, y'all
and creditors calling
231
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:09,358
♪ Dow Jones falling,
push your chips all in
232
00:10:09,358 --> 00:10:10,359
- Garrett.
233
00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:12,862
Garrett, Garrett.
234
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:20,953
- Well, how's it going, sexy?
235
00:10:20,953 --> 00:10:22,371
- It's Madam Mayor.
236
00:10:22,371 --> 00:10:23,497
- Madam Mayor Sexy.
237
00:10:23,497 --> 00:10:25,249
Well, that's kinda
cocky, don't you think?
238
00:10:25,249 --> 00:10:26,459
(chuckles)
239
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:27,460
- I heard you lost
another partner.
240
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:28,461
- I didn't lose him.
241
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:29,337
I shot him.
242
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,256
Do you keep track of
all your ex-boyfriends?
243
00:10:32,256 --> 00:10:34,467
- Hm-mm, just your
ex-boyfriends.
244
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:36,469
See, I have to keep
track of the worst cop
245
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:38,971
so I can take out the trash.
246
00:10:38,971 --> 00:10:41,140
- Tara, we were 10 years ago.
247
00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:42,433
You gotta let go of this anger
248
00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:44,226
'cause it's making
your boobs droop.
249
00:10:44,226 --> 00:10:45,061
- Watch it.
250
00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:47,438
We don't talk about
the mayor's boobs.
251
00:10:47,438 --> 00:10:49,023
- I bet you do.
252
00:10:49,023 --> 00:10:49,732
- It's fine.
253
00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:50,524
It's fine.
254
00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:53,235
I just had a meeting
with your captain.
255
00:10:53,235 --> 00:10:56,280
He's gonna help me
keep my city clean.
256
00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:57,990
Get rid of the scum.
257
00:10:58,949 --> 00:11:00,076
Be good, lover.
258
00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:10,211
(loud crash)
259
00:11:10,211 --> 00:11:13,005
- I just smashed a Pinocchio!
260
00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:15,007
Do you know how
hard it is to get
261
00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:18,177
an actual authentic,
mini, ceramic, kiln fired
262
00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:20,346
in the fucking
Netherlands Pinocchio?
263
00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:21,931
- Yes, sir, it's why
I started drinking.
264
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:24,517
- You see, my therapist,
my therapist suggested
265
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:27,269
that I start to
collect figurines
266
00:11:28,312 --> 00:11:31,023
to help me with my stress.
267
00:11:31,023 --> 00:11:32,274
But it made me nuts.
268
00:11:32,274 --> 00:11:33,609
You know what I do now?
269
00:11:33,609 --> 00:11:34,610
I throw 'em!
270
00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:36,404
Because I feel better when I see
271
00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:38,239
their little heads crack open!
272
00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:40,324
- Well, we are all glad
you're in charge, sir.
273
00:11:40,324 --> 00:11:41,450
(loud crash)
274
00:11:41,492 --> 00:11:43,285
- Sit down!
275
00:11:43,285 --> 00:11:45,204
You got IA sniffing
all over this place
276
00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:48,082
because you shot your partner!
277
00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:49,667
Repeatedly!
278
00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:51,252
I should just shut you down!
279
00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:52,461
- You can't shut me down
280
00:11:52,461 --> 00:11:53,963
'cause you can't make
something stick, sir.
281
00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:55,089
- Oh yes, I can!
282
00:11:55,089 --> 00:11:56,465
And I don't give a donkey's sack
283
00:11:56,465 --> 00:11:59,385
that the mayor is
your ex-girlfriend.
284
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:00,553
There you go.
285
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:03,347
As per the mayor,
that's your new job.
286
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:08,644
- Fairness and Disabilities Act.
287
00:12:08,644 --> 00:12:10,020
Handicapped cadets.
288
00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:12,523
(laughs)
289
00:12:12,523 --> 00:12:13,983
Handicapped police officers?!
290
00:12:13,983 --> 00:12:18,446
(laughs)
291
00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:20,197
Come on!
292
00:12:20,197 --> 00:12:21,323
Are you kidding me?
293
00:12:21,365 --> 00:12:24,952
We, the LAPD, are gonna
give wobblies guns?
294
00:12:25,661 --> 00:12:27,496
- It was a pilot program.
295
00:12:27,496 --> 00:12:29,540
They passed all
their requirements,
296
00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:31,208
but nobody got put on the force.
297
00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:33,544
Three years later,
the ACLU sued.
298
00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:35,463
So, here we are.
299
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:38,132
Hey, very high test scores.
300
00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:39,717
Better than you.
301
00:12:39,717 --> 00:12:41,594
Technically, they're cops.
302
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:44,013
- No, they're not cops.
303
00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:44,764
I'm a cop.
304
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:46,766
Know how I know that?
305
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:49,685
Because I don't have to empty
my bag every three hours.
306
00:12:49,685 --> 00:12:51,145
I'm not doing this.
307
00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:53,230
I will not wipe drool
and spend three hours
308
00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:55,232
a day explaining ceiling fan.
309
00:12:55,232 --> 00:12:56,984
- You are gonna do this!
310
00:12:56,984 --> 00:12:58,694
Or I am gonna put
you in a parking lot,
311
00:12:58,694 --> 00:13:02,698
chasing skateboarders
from a fucking golf cart!
312
00:13:02,698 --> 00:13:04,617
- So I'm boned.
313
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:08,579
- Like a skeleton
getting a lap dance.
314
00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:09,455
Ah, ha!
315
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:10,456
Don't you dare!
316
00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:12,249
Only I get to do that.
317
00:13:12,249 --> 00:13:13,250
Put it down.
318
00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:21,133
("Moneymaker" by Everlast)
319
00:13:31,268 --> 00:13:33,646
♪ Praise your God,
Lord have mercy
320
00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:36,398
♪ My mother warned me,
my father cursed me
321
00:13:36,398 --> 00:13:38,484
♪ Grand design, time
to meet your maker
322
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:41,070
(tires screeching)
323
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,405
(loud crash)
324
00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:46,367
(heaves loudly)
(vomit splashes)
325
00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,244
(coughs)
326
00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:50,329
(groans)
327
00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:54,124
(vomit squishes)
328
00:14:07,429 --> 00:14:09,682
- It's okay. I hit some ice.
329
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:14,687
Do me a favor, park
it some place nice.
330
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:19,024
♪ Praise your God,
Lord have mercy
331
00:14:19,024 --> 00:14:21,652
♪ My mother warned me,
my father cursed me
332
00:14:21,652 --> 00:14:24,446
♪ Grand design, time
to meet your maker
333
00:14:24,446 --> 00:14:26,782
♪ Go on, honey,
shake your moneymaker
334
00:14:26,782 --> 00:14:29,660
♪ Baby, don't be lazy,
come get your paper
335
00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:32,162
♪ Go on, honey,
shake your moneymaker
336
00:14:32,162 --> 00:14:35,124
♪ Walk a little road, see
where it gonna take ya
337
00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:37,459
♪ Go on, honey,
shake your moneymaker
338
00:14:37,459 --> 00:14:38,752
(heaves loudly)
(vomit splashes)
339
00:14:38,752 --> 00:14:41,005
(coughs)
340
00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:46,677
(groans)
341
00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:56,145
- Fowler!
342
00:14:58,439 --> 00:15:00,107
You look like fried ass.
343
00:15:00,107 --> 00:15:01,317
- Yeah, because of this,
344
00:15:01,317 --> 00:15:03,152
I was up all night
flirting with suicide.
345
00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:04,528
- Flirting?
346
00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:05,779
You gotta follow through.
347
00:15:05,779 --> 00:15:07,489
All right, come on,
you ready for this?
348
00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:08,782
- You know what, sir,
yeah, I'm ready for this.
349
00:15:08,782 --> 00:15:09,617
Sure. You know why?
350
00:15:09,617 --> 00:15:10,701
'Cause I was born ready!
351
00:15:10,701 --> 00:15:12,578
Holy shit.
352
00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:18,542
- Make good choices.
353
00:15:18,542 --> 00:15:20,586
(laughs)
354
00:15:21,545 --> 00:15:22,546
- Morning!
355
00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:27,760
My name is Detective Fowler.
356
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,679
This is a police station.
357
00:15:30,679 --> 00:15:32,890
Today, we're gonna find out
358
00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:36,477
why you guys want to
be police detectives.
359
00:15:37,811 --> 00:15:40,814
Now, if you need to
go to the bathroom--
360
00:15:40,814 --> 00:15:42,691
- Don't, don't, don't worry.
361
00:15:42,691 --> 00:15:46,862
We're all wuh, wuh, wuh,
wearing da, diapers.
362
00:15:46,862 --> 00:15:50,282
We can interview while
we puh, puh, pee.
363
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,744
Is that pu-, puke on your shirt?
364
00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:56,664
- Huh.
365
00:15:56,664 --> 00:15:58,582
I thought that
smell was you guys.
366
00:15:58,582 --> 00:16:00,584
(laughs)
367
00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:04,630
Let's get started.
368
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:06,882
Okay, uh, well, you're up.
369
00:16:06,882 --> 00:16:08,509
Let's go, Evel Knievel.
370
00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:09,510
- Yeah!
371
00:16:13,597 --> 00:16:16,100
(loud thud)
372
00:16:17,184 --> 00:16:19,436
(squeaking)
373
00:16:21,438 --> 00:16:22,648
- Perfect.
374
00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:24,274
Why do you wanna be a detective?
375
00:16:24,274 --> 00:16:25,484
- The word midget--
376
00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:28,570
- I wanna take down bad guys!
377
00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:30,614
Pow, pow, pow!
378
00:16:30,614 --> 00:16:31,782
- I'm offended!
379
00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:33,867
I outscored everyone
in the program!
380
00:16:33,867 --> 00:16:34,743
- That's impressive.
381
00:16:34,743 --> 00:16:36,328
- Fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh,
382
00:16:36,328 --> 00:16:38,831
fucking damn right
it's impressive.
383
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,916
- What kind of
mouthwash is that?
384
00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:42,251
- Mexican.
385
00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:44,169
- I'm just a pawn
in the 9/11 coverup.
386
00:16:44,169 --> 00:16:46,463
- Well, I love your enthusiasm.
387
00:16:46,463 --> 00:16:47,756
- When the shit goes down--
388
00:16:47,756 --> 00:16:50,426
(machine whirs)
(hissing)
389
00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:52,344
I can mount a shotgun
to my wheelchair.
390
00:16:52,344 --> 00:16:55,180
(machine whirs)
(hissing)
391
00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:56,515
And fire it by blowing into my--
392
00:16:56,515 --> 00:16:59,601
(machine whirs)
(hissing)
393
00:16:59,601 --> 00:17:00,769
Tube.
394
00:17:00,769 --> 00:17:04,606
- No one scored hoy,
ha, higher in cruh,
395
00:17:04,606 --> 00:17:06,442
cruh, cruh, cruh,
396
00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:08,277
cruh, cruh, cruh,
397
00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:10,487
cruh, cruh, criminology!
398
00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:16,493
- Now I'm auditioning for
the defective detectives!
399
00:17:20,914 --> 00:17:23,292
Bureaucratic butt rangers!
400
00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:24,668
- One more question.
401
00:17:24,668 --> 00:17:27,921
- [Both] Yes, my
penis still works.
402
00:17:27,921 --> 00:17:29,590
- Okay, two more questions.
403
00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:30,591
- Blow 'em up!
404
00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:32,384
Shoot them in the face.
405
00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:33,886
- Can you do a wheelie?
406
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:36,638
(machine whirs)
407
00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:40,809
- Yeah.
408
00:17:52,279 --> 00:17:53,947
- Don't touch me.
409
00:17:53,947 --> 00:17:55,616
I don't like to be touched.
410
00:17:55,616 --> 00:17:57,242
It makes me weird.
411
00:17:58,702 --> 00:17:59,828
- Define weird.
412
00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:03,373
(loud rumble)
413
00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:05,501
- Do you want me to crawl
414
00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:07,544
into your bed at night
and make you itch?
415
00:18:07,544 --> 00:18:09,880
- Beep, bay beep, beep, beep,
416
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,633
bay beep, bay beep, beep, bee--
417
00:18:12,633 --> 00:18:13,634
- Pow! Pow!
418
00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:15,469
Pow!
419
00:18:16,887 --> 00:18:19,223
- No!
(loud thud)
420
00:18:19,556 --> 00:18:21,266
- This is bullshit!
421
00:18:21,266 --> 00:18:22,643
(loud crash)
422
00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:30,818
- I know everything
in the whole world.
423
00:18:30,818 --> 00:18:33,737
- Thank you for
clearing that up.
424
00:18:42,412 --> 00:18:43,247
- Hi!
425
00:18:43,247 --> 00:18:44,957
How did my Alvin do?
426
00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:45,958
- Oh, he was great.
427
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:47,626
He didn't vomit or masturbate.
428
00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:49,878
You should be
really, really proud.
429
00:18:49,878 --> 00:18:52,047
- Thank you for
giving them a chance.
430
00:18:52,047 --> 00:18:53,882
- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
431
00:18:53,882 --> 00:18:55,008
I love the wobblies, honey.
432
00:18:55,008 --> 00:18:56,343
I'm fulfilled.
433
00:18:58,637 --> 00:18:59,888
- Fowler!
434
00:18:59,888 --> 00:19:00,848
- Ah!
435
00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:03,809
- We got four yet?
436
00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:05,352
- Three.
437
00:19:05,352 --> 00:19:06,895
And if that is the cream
of God's genetic misfires,
438
00:19:06,895 --> 00:19:08,856
then God is a vengeful prick.
439
00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:10,524
Really Old Testament.
440
00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:11,900
- Cap.
441
00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:14,444
About Krasnov and Gutierrez,
well, we found their car
442
00:19:14,444 --> 00:19:16,738
and the underside was covered
with this red grainy mud.
443
00:19:16,738 --> 00:19:17,739
But no sign of them.
444
00:19:17,739 --> 00:19:18,949
- Well, what'd the lab say?
445
00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:21,743
- Dirt has a really high
percentage of magnesium and lye.
446
00:19:21,743 --> 00:19:23,662
- Barstow and Richmond.
447
00:19:23,662 --> 00:19:24,955
- What?
- Barstow and Richmond,
448
00:19:24,955 --> 00:19:28,292
the soil is high in
lye and magnesium.
449
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:30,419
And dirt.
450
00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:31,837
- Alvin knows everything.
451
00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:34,715
- Yeah, he kept telling me
that over and over and over.
452
00:19:34,715 --> 00:19:36,717
- He's read reference
books his whole life
453
00:19:36,717 --> 00:19:37,968
and has a photographic memory,
454
00:19:37,968 --> 00:19:41,346
so if he sees it,
he can't forget it.
455
00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:41,972
- Huh.
456
00:19:42,973 --> 00:19:43,974
- Aw.
457
00:19:44,975 --> 00:19:46,560
Fine.
458
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:47,561
We got four.
459
00:19:47,561 --> 00:19:48,937
(gasps)
(screams)
460
00:19:48,937 --> 00:19:49,813
(Garrett screams)
461
00:19:49,813 --> 00:19:51,148
(loud thud)
462
00:19:51,148 --> 00:19:52,524
(loud thud)
(groans)
463
00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:53,775
- [Garrett] Shoot him!
464
00:19:53,775 --> 00:19:56,737
- He also read every martial
arts book he could find.
465
00:19:56,737 --> 00:19:58,655
- He touched me Mama...
466
00:19:58,655 --> 00:20:00,657
Now, I'm going to poop on him.
467
00:20:00,657 --> 00:20:02,451
- Sorry about that.
468
00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:04,703
His father also got
him a subscription
to Hustler magazine.
469
00:20:04,703 --> 00:20:05,662
He read every one.
470
00:20:05,662 --> 00:20:07,414
Probably a mistake.
471
00:20:07,414 --> 00:20:08,582
- [Garrett] Shoot him.
472
00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:09,708
- Honey, look.
473
00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:14,713
- Okay, we got four.
474
00:20:16,506 --> 00:20:17,341
- Four?
475
00:20:18,508 --> 00:20:19,635
He almost killed me!
476
00:20:19,635 --> 00:20:20,969
- I said we got four!
477
00:20:20,969 --> 00:20:23,430
Okay, Barstow and Richmond,
you two check it out.
478
00:20:23,430 --> 00:20:26,099
You, come in tomorrow sober
enough to fight Rain Man.
479
00:20:26,099 --> 00:20:27,809
- You think he
could count cards?
480
00:20:27,809 --> 00:20:29,728
- Ah, you're a scumbag.
481
00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:31,521
- Alvin!
482
00:20:34,608 --> 00:20:36,026
(phone rings)
483
00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:37,152
- Hello?
484
00:20:37,152 --> 00:20:40,030
- Hey, Madam Mayor Sexy.
485
00:20:40,030 --> 00:20:41,031
(chuckles)
486
00:20:41,031 --> 00:20:42,908
- What do you want, Fowler?
487
00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:45,410
- What I have always wanted.
488
00:20:47,996 --> 00:20:48,830
You.
489
00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:51,541
- That is so sweet.
490
00:20:51,541 --> 00:20:52,918
You're still in charge with
the special little soldiers.
491
00:20:52,918 --> 00:20:54,086
- Oh, come on, retards?
492
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:56,171
Tara, you gave me retards!
493
00:20:56,171 --> 00:20:59,466
- They like the term
disabled, so use it.
494
00:20:59,466 --> 00:21:01,468
And, Fowler, make this work.
495
00:21:01,468 --> 00:21:02,803
Get me good press.
496
00:21:02,803 --> 00:21:06,640
Or you'll end up painting
houses in Sylmar.
497
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:07,641
- I hate you.
498
00:21:08,642 --> 00:21:11,395
- Well, then this worked
like it was supposed to.
499
00:21:11,395 --> 00:21:12,145
Goodnight.
500
00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:15,565
- Tara, wait, no.
501
00:21:15,565 --> 00:21:16,900
Listen, you can't do this to me!
502
00:21:16,900 --> 00:21:18,944
Tara, I gotta tell
you, look, look--
503
00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:21,530
(phone clicks)
504
00:21:22,489 --> 00:21:23,949
Hello?
505
00:21:23,949 --> 00:21:24,950
Tara!
506
00:21:26,785 --> 00:21:27,828
(screams)
507
00:21:29,579 --> 00:21:30,622
(screams)
508
00:21:32,749 --> 00:21:34,042
(screams)
509
00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:35,043
God!
510
00:21:43,927 --> 00:21:46,013
(sobbing)
511
00:21:46,013 --> 00:21:47,806
You have too many
blue ones anyway.
512
00:21:47,806 --> 00:21:50,934
(car revs)
(tires screech)
513
00:21:50,934 --> 00:21:53,770
♪ My mother warned me,
my father cursed me
514
00:21:53,770 --> 00:21:56,231
♪ Grand design, time
to meet your maker
515
00:21:56,231 --> 00:21:57,065
♪ Come on, honey--
516
00:21:57,065 --> 00:21:58,817
(laughs)
517
00:21:58,817 --> 00:22:01,570
(clock ticking)
518
00:22:08,785 --> 00:22:11,079
- Well, only 43 minutes late.
519
00:22:12,247 --> 00:22:13,915
Is it Black Friday
at the liquor store?
520
00:22:13,915 --> 00:22:16,960
- Good morning, and no, I
am on a natural high and--
521
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:17,961
(pills rattle)
522
00:22:17,961 --> 00:22:19,129
Vicodin.
523
00:22:19,129 --> 00:22:19,921
Score!
524
00:22:19,921 --> 00:22:21,131
- Good to see you, sir.
525
00:22:21,131 --> 00:22:23,550
And Vicodin caused Vietnam.
526
00:22:26,303 --> 00:22:27,721
- Yeah.
527
00:22:27,721 --> 00:22:28,597
Yeah, okay.
528
00:22:28,597 --> 00:22:30,015
Listen, um, just so you know,
529
00:22:30,015 --> 00:22:31,933
you're the first retarded
squad in existence.
530
00:22:31,933 --> 00:22:34,019
- Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!
531
00:22:34,019 --> 00:22:36,021
Fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh,
fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh-
532
00:22:36,021 --> 00:22:37,022
Fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh-
533
00:22:37,022 --> 00:22:39,066
Fuh, fuh, fuh, fuck you!
534
00:22:40,275 --> 00:22:42,611
We're not ruh, ruh,
ruh, ruh, retarded!
535
00:22:42,611 --> 00:22:44,071
- That's telling him!
536
00:22:44,071 --> 00:22:45,322
Finally!
537
00:22:45,322 --> 00:22:47,282
- [Morgan] Hey, fuh,
fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh--
538
00:22:47,282 --> 00:22:48,617
- I got it!
539
00:22:48,617 --> 00:22:49,743
Don't drop a nut.
540
00:22:49,743 --> 00:22:50,994
- I don't like fighting.
541
00:22:50,994 --> 00:22:52,621
- Hey, sir, I think
some leadership
542
00:22:52,621 --> 00:22:54,164
and teamwork is in order.
543
00:22:54,164 --> 00:22:57,250
We all know this is just
an academic experiment
544
00:22:57,250 --> 00:23:00,545
to control and/or euthanize us.
545
00:23:00,545 --> 00:23:03,173
When do we get our
psychoactive medication?
546
00:23:03,173 --> 00:23:05,550
- What?
- I had it in basic.
547
00:23:05,550 --> 00:23:06,843
Kinda minty.
548
00:23:06,843 --> 00:23:10,806
- Uh, guys, this is
gonna be really weird.
549
00:23:10,806 --> 00:23:11,890
For me.
550
00:23:11,890 --> 00:23:13,183
I mean, you guys have
never been normal,
551
00:23:13,183 --> 00:23:14,768
but I've never led
retards before--
552
00:23:14,768 --> 00:23:17,104
- God, god, god, god, goddammit!
553
00:23:17,104 --> 00:23:18,772
- You are so out of line!
554
00:23:18,772 --> 00:23:19,773
- Yeah!
555
00:23:19,773 --> 00:23:22,150
- And retard's not gonna cut it.
556
00:23:22,150 --> 00:23:24,903
I am a little person with a gun!
557
00:23:25,987 --> 00:23:27,280
- She's right!
558
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:29,074
And I was normal.
559
00:23:29,074 --> 00:23:31,159
- What the hell does
that mean, gimpy?
560
00:23:31,159 --> 00:23:34,329
- There are 127 words
to describe people
with disabilities.
561
00:23:34,329 --> 00:23:35,997
127.
562
00:23:36,832 --> 00:23:37,833
Eight.
563
00:23:37,833 --> 00:23:39,000
Nine.
564
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:40,377
Ten...
565
00:23:40,377 --> 00:23:41,545
- All right.
566
00:23:42,587 --> 00:23:44,339
Okay, apologies.
567
00:23:44,339 --> 00:23:47,008
Today, we learn how
to be detectives!
568
00:23:47,008 --> 00:23:48,260
- Hell yeah!
- Finally!
569
00:23:48,260 --> 00:23:49,386
- Excellent, sir.
570
00:23:49,386 --> 00:23:50,262
- All right, we're gonna start
571
00:23:50,262 --> 00:23:51,680
with the basics of police work.
572
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:54,015
You know, tracking
cases, organization,
573
00:23:54,015 --> 00:23:56,059
mopping, dusting, picking
up my dry cleaning.
574
00:23:56,059 --> 00:23:57,310
- What?
- What?
575
00:23:57,310 --> 00:23:58,770
- What?
- What, what, what, what,
576
00:23:58,770 --> 00:24:00,772
what, what, what,
what, what, what?
577
00:24:00,772 --> 00:24:02,357
- This is bull, bullshit.
578
00:24:02,357 --> 00:24:04,776
We're not ja, janitors.
579
00:24:04,776 --> 00:24:07,654
- Yeah, and dry cleaning
is a Ponzi scheme.
580
00:24:07,654 --> 00:24:10,073
- You are the worst
douche bag I've ever met.
581
00:24:10,073 --> 00:24:11,074
- Douche bag?
582
00:24:11,074 --> 00:24:12,325
The hell is your problem?
583
00:24:12,325 --> 00:24:15,579
- My problem is, I
live at ass level!
584
00:24:16,788 --> 00:24:18,165
- Oh my god, I knew
this was gonna happen.
585
00:24:18,165 --> 00:24:19,875
I'm living in a
retard freak show!
586
00:24:19,875 --> 00:24:23,962
(shouting)
(screaming)
587
00:24:27,716 --> 00:24:28,800
Knock it off!
588
00:24:32,929 --> 00:24:33,847
Okay. Okay.
589
00:24:34,890 --> 00:24:37,726
You know what,
you're not retards.
590
00:24:37,726 --> 00:24:41,646
As a matter of fact, you're
a spaz, a midget, a cripple.
591
00:24:41,646 --> 00:24:43,106
He's a retard.
592
00:24:43,106 --> 00:24:44,316
Does that bother you?
593
00:24:44,316 --> 00:24:46,443
Because it's what
everybody thinks.
594
00:24:46,443 --> 00:24:51,156
No matter what lame PC word we
use, retard is what we think.
595
00:24:51,156 --> 00:24:52,741
(laughs)
596
00:24:52,741 --> 00:24:54,743
If you think handicapable
makes a difference,
597
00:24:54,743 --> 00:24:57,454
then you're extra
special retarded.
598
00:24:57,454 --> 00:25:00,457
Now, you guys signed up to
be undercover detectives,
599
00:25:00,457 --> 00:25:02,209
so either step up and do the job
600
00:25:02,209 --> 00:25:06,129
or step aside, go out there,
and be differently abled.
601
00:25:06,129 --> 00:25:07,881
Because after a
year on the force,
602
00:25:07,881 --> 00:25:09,466
dealing with scumbags,
crack addicts,
603
00:25:09,466 --> 00:25:12,052
murderers, and
family law attorneys,
604
00:25:12,052 --> 00:25:16,181
retard is gonna feel like
a warm hug from mama.
605
00:25:16,181 --> 00:25:18,892
- I might be a re, re, retard,
606
00:25:18,892 --> 00:25:21,978
but you, sir, are
an a, a, a, asshole.
607
00:25:24,314 --> 00:25:27,776
- And I have to live
with that every day.
608
00:25:27,776 --> 00:25:31,196
I don't get to say that
I have a nice deficiency.
609
00:25:31,196 --> 00:25:34,157
You know, I don't get to say
that I'm etiquette-challenged.
610
00:25:34,157 --> 00:25:36,117
I am an asshole.
611
00:25:36,660 --> 00:25:39,913
And nobody's building
me a goddamn ramp.
612
00:25:43,917 --> 00:25:46,378
Look, clean my office.
613
00:25:46,378 --> 00:25:48,129
Go through the evidence files.
614
00:25:48,129 --> 00:25:49,339
You see something I missed,
615
00:25:49,339 --> 00:25:52,050
a case you guys wanna
go after, we'll do it.
616
00:25:52,050 --> 00:25:53,885
You want to be cops?
617
00:25:53,885 --> 00:25:54,886
Show me.
618
00:25:59,933 --> 00:26:02,936
- Why would an
asshole need a ramp?
619
00:26:07,190 --> 00:26:08,900
- Is she busy?
620
00:26:08,900 --> 00:26:10,193
- No, she's not.
621
00:26:10,193 --> 00:26:12,112
- Good.
- But she did tell me to say
622
00:26:12,112 --> 00:26:14,030
that if you showed
up, that I should call
623
00:26:14,030 --> 00:26:17,200
our tactical SWAT team and
one of them that has a sniper
624
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:19,953
that can hit you with a
bullet from the rooftop.
625
00:26:19,953 --> 00:26:21,538
(laughs)
626
00:26:21,538 --> 00:26:23,456
- So then we have
a couple minutes?
627
00:26:23,456 --> 00:26:24,332
- No, wait.
628
00:26:24,332 --> 00:26:25,792
Detective Fowler!
629
00:26:27,168 --> 00:26:28,878
- Seriously, Tara?
630
00:26:28,878 --> 00:26:30,255
Mongoloids?
631
00:26:30,255 --> 00:26:32,465
My mother's second
husband was from Mongolia.
632
00:26:32,465 --> 00:26:34,050
- Exactly, retards.
633
00:26:34,050 --> 00:26:35,218
- I'm sorry, Mayor.
634
00:26:35,218 --> 00:26:36,219
- It's okay.
635
00:26:36,219 --> 00:26:38,430
Detective Fowler has
never had good manners.
636
00:26:38,430 --> 00:26:40,473
- I am not the guy for this.
637
00:26:40,473 --> 00:26:43,059
- Well, you're right,
but you are doing it.
638
00:26:43,059 --> 00:26:45,103
I couldn't spare
anyone with a soul.
639
00:26:45,103 --> 00:26:46,938
Listen, I have an
election coming up,
640
00:26:46,938 --> 00:26:49,149
so if this doesn't work
641
00:26:49,149 --> 00:26:51,526
and one of them gets
hurt, it's your fault.
642
00:26:51,526 --> 00:26:56,031
And the mayor will have to do
her job and crucify a bad cop,
643
00:26:56,031 --> 00:26:57,991
so it's like a win-win.
644
00:26:59,242 --> 00:27:01,828
- No, for it to be a
win-win, I also have to win.
645
00:27:01,828 --> 00:27:04,039
- No, I win twice!
646
00:27:04,039 --> 00:27:08,293
- Do anything else to get
even with me, not this.
647
00:27:08,293 --> 00:27:10,920
- This is so
uncomfortable for me.
648
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:12,589
- Yeah, well, I
think I'm gonna puke.
649
00:27:12,589 --> 00:27:14,591
My feelings for you, Fowler,
650
00:27:14,591 --> 00:27:18,178
have been dead and
buried for some time.
651
00:27:18,178 --> 00:27:19,929
- I can fix that.
652
00:27:19,929 --> 00:27:21,264
Let's have sex one more time.
653
00:27:21,264 --> 00:27:22,349
- Oh my god!
654
00:27:22,349 --> 00:27:23,475
- I replaced you with batteries.
655
00:27:23,475 --> 00:27:24,267
- Ouch!
656
00:27:24,267 --> 00:27:25,268
- Go away.
657
00:27:26,353 --> 00:27:27,354
- Sorry.
658
00:27:30,815 --> 00:27:31,941
- We were in love once.
659
00:27:31,941 --> 00:27:33,401
Isn't that something?
660
00:27:33,401 --> 00:27:37,238
- Yeah, until you were inside
someone covered with glitter!
661
00:27:37,238 --> 00:27:39,574
We are done, you get that?
662
00:27:39,574 --> 00:27:42,619
I was the best thing that
ever happened to you.
663
00:27:42,619 --> 00:27:43,995
- Let's don't get crazy.
664
00:27:43,995 --> 00:27:45,538
- The best thing that
ever happened to you!
665
00:27:45,538 --> 00:27:46,956
- Okay. Get crazy.
666
00:27:46,956 --> 00:27:49,918
- And you will never
get this again.
667
00:27:53,171 --> 00:27:56,508
So, now, go and train
those little heroes.
668
00:27:56,508 --> 00:27:57,884
- They've never done
anything heroic!
669
00:27:57,884 --> 00:27:59,636
- They're heroes!
670
00:27:59,636 --> 00:28:01,554
And you get me reelected.
671
00:28:02,806 --> 00:28:05,475
Or I will make an
example out of a
672
00:28:06,434 --> 00:28:07,310
very,
673
00:28:09,354 --> 00:28:11,106
very
674
00:28:11,106 --> 00:28:12,107
bad cop.
675
00:28:16,194 --> 00:28:17,028
- Okay.
676
00:28:17,946 --> 00:28:18,822
- Okay.
677
00:28:20,615 --> 00:28:21,449
- Okay.
678
00:28:24,327 --> 00:28:25,161
- Okay.
679
00:28:26,246 --> 00:28:27,122
- Okay.
680
00:28:28,957 --> 00:28:29,791
- Okay.
681
00:28:32,335 --> 00:28:33,378
- Okay.
682
00:28:33,878 --> 00:28:34,546
- Okay.
683
00:28:44,597 --> 00:28:46,474
- I want you to know something.
684
00:28:46,474 --> 00:28:50,562
The man I have become
is 100% due to the fact
685
00:28:50,562 --> 00:28:53,940
that you were a
glacier in the bedroom.
686
00:28:55,108 --> 00:28:57,110
Your icy vagina ruined me.
687
00:28:57,110 --> 00:28:59,195
I had to name my penis Titanic.
688
00:28:59,195 --> 00:29:00,405
Wow, look at that.
689
00:29:00,405 --> 00:29:01,656
I insulted you and
complimented myself.
690
00:29:01,656 --> 00:29:03,533
- Oh!
(screams)
691
00:29:03,533 --> 00:29:06,035
(loud crash)
692
00:29:08,246 --> 00:29:10,915
- That was a win-win.
693
00:29:11,541 --> 00:29:12,667
(laughs)
694
00:29:12,667 --> 00:29:14,294
(phone beeps)
695
00:29:14,294 --> 00:29:16,588
- Uh, Mayor, you have a photo
op with the little cuties
696
00:29:16,588 --> 00:29:19,424
from Boy Scout,
troop 19 at 1:00 p.m.
697
00:29:19,424 --> 00:29:22,093
(screams)
(loud crash)
698
00:29:22,093 --> 00:29:23,887
I'll push it to 1:30.
699
00:29:26,347 --> 00:29:27,432
- Retards are gonna be cops.
700
00:29:27,432 --> 00:29:28,308
Great.
701
00:29:28,308 --> 00:29:29,184
Goddammit.
702
00:29:29,184 --> 00:29:30,310
Handicapable, my ass.
703
00:29:30,310 --> 00:29:32,187
Cops gotta be perfect, you know?
704
00:29:32,187 --> 00:29:33,605
- What's the matter, Fowler?
705
00:29:33,605 --> 00:29:36,065
You having trouble keeping
up with the Avengers?
706
00:29:36,065 --> 00:29:37,192
(laughs)
707
00:29:37,192 --> 00:29:39,402
- Yeah, Fowler, how
are the retards?
708
00:29:39,402 --> 00:29:40,570
Huh?
709
00:29:40,570 --> 00:29:43,615
You getting a lot of practice
wiping other people's butts?
710
00:29:43,615 --> 00:29:45,700
They like cheese puffs, right?
711
00:29:45,700 --> 00:29:48,119
Mongos love cheese puffs!
712
00:29:48,119 --> 00:29:50,246
(laughs)
713
00:29:55,460 --> 00:29:57,462
- [Alvin] Garrett's here.
714
00:30:00,048 --> 00:30:01,424
- Wow.
715
00:30:01,424 --> 00:30:04,761
I was expecting
an insurance fire.
716
00:30:04,761 --> 00:30:05,762
Wow!
717
00:30:07,055 --> 00:30:10,350
Guys, I gotta tell you,
I just got something.
718
00:30:10,350 --> 00:30:11,309
- So did we.
719
00:30:11,309 --> 00:30:12,185
- You said step up.
720
00:30:12,185 --> 00:30:13,686
- We found a case.
721
00:30:13,686 --> 00:30:15,146
- Definitely guilty.
722
00:30:15,146 --> 00:30:18,274
- This guy's a real ass clown.
723
00:30:20,151 --> 00:30:21,361
- What is it?
724
00:30:21,361 --> 00:30:23,780
Guys, these are my phone bills.
725
00:30:23,780 --> 00:30:24,614
And what?
726
00:30:25,657 --> 00:30:26,699
(laughs)
727
00:30:26,699 --> 00:30:28,785
My car registration
for LA Dream Cars?
728
00:30:28,785 --> 00:30:32,539
- You got a hell of a
deal on that Charger, sir.
729
00:30:32,539 --> 00:30:35,500
A new Hemi R/T is
worth what, 40 grand?
730
00:30:35,500 --> 00:30:38,127
- And you puh,
puh, paid nothing.
731
00:30:38,127 --> 00:30:41,756
- And the salesman, Mike,
was up on a rape charge
732
00:30:41,756 --> 00:30:44,509
that got suddenly dropped.
733
00:30:44,509 --> 00:30:46,302
- It was assault.
734
00:30:46,302 --> 00:30:47,679
It was a lease.
735
00:30:47,679 --> 00:30:48,596
- Oops.
736
00:30:48,638 --> 00:30:50,265
- We tracked some of
the phone numbers.
737
00:30:50,265 --> 00:30:51,808
The highlighted ones,
738
00:30:51,808 --> 00:30:54,561
you got some pretty
shady buddies, buddy.
739
00:30:54,561 --> 00:30:56,396
- Are those drug
dealers your friends?
740
00:30:56,396 --> 00:30:57,689
- Uh, they are my CIs.
741
00:30:57,689 --> 00:30:58,773
(Mac laughs)
742
00:30:58,773 --> 00:31:00,733
- According to the
department, sir,
743
00:31:00,733 --> 00:31:02,569
they're not on your
informant list.
744
00:31:02,569 --> 00:31:03,862
- You're supposed
to pay informants.
745
00:31:03,862 --> 00:31:06,531
Why are your
informants paying you?
746
00:31:06,531 --> 00:31:09,450
- And your bank
account has some wuh,
747
00:31:09,450 --> 00:31:12,036
we, wuh, weird deposits.
748
00:31:12,579 --> 00:31:14,080
Who's Lou?
749
00:31:14,080 --> 00:31:15,415
- I wanna know who Julio is.
750
00:31:15,415 --> 00:31:17,292
- How the hell did
you get into my bank?
751
00:31:17,292 --> 00:31:18,626
- Oh, it wasn't hard.
752
00:31:18,626 --> 00:31:20,962
Password, 2QUILA.
753
00:31:21,254 --> 00:31:22,630
All caps.
754
00:31:22,630 --> 00:31:23,715
- How'd you get that?
755
00:31:23,715 --> 00:31:27,218
- Logic, due diligence,
and you wrote it
756
00:31:27,218 --> 00:31:30,513
on a Post-it note
stuck to your computer.
757
00:31:30,513 --> 00:31:32,724
- What kind of dumb
ass leaves records
758
00:31:32,724 --> 00:31:35,351
for his criminal
activity in his office?
759
00:31:35,351 --> 00:31:36,561
- Just got the car.
760
00:31:36,561 --> 00:31:37,812
I just kinda threw
it in, you know?
761
00:31:37,812 --> 00:31:40,607
I didn't really even, oh, you
guys really did organize this.
762
00:31:40,607 --> 00:31:43,318
- Chronologically and by how
much jail time you'll do.
763
00:31:43,318 --> 00:31:44,319
-Well...
764
00:31:46,112 --> 00:31:47,655
Great job, guys.
765
00:31:47,655 --> 00:31:49,282
You are cadets in training
766
00:31:49,282 --> 00:31:52,577
and I put something out for
you to find, and you found it.
767
00:31:52,577 --> 00:31:53,620
What do you think you got here?
768
00:31:53,620 --> 00:31:55,204
- A dir, dirty cop?
769
00:31:56,080 --> 00:31:57,916
You re, retard.
770
00:31:57,916 --> 00:32:01,419
- Those phone records connect
you to four convicted felons.
771
00:32:01,419 --> 00:32:03,755
The free car is
two tons of proof.
772
00:32:03,755 --> 00:32:06,633
- Ah, they love
cops in county.
773
00:32:06,633 --> 00:32:10,303
- An average human colon can
smuggle three cellphones.
774
00:32:10,303 --> 00:32:13,556
- Uh, (laughs) guys, this
is just some phone bills
775
00:32:13,556 --> 00:32:15,224
and handwritten notes.
776
00:32:15,224 --> 00:32:16,684
It's not even evidence.
777
00:32:16,726 --> 00:32:17,977
- Alvin.
778
00:32:18,019 --> 00:32:19,395
- State of California
versus Terrence Phelps.
779
00:32:19,395 --> 00:32:21,940
Convicted and sentenced to 15
years based on phone records.
780
00:32:21,940 --> 00:32:23,650
State of California
versus Peter Mancuso.
781
00:32:23,650 --> 00:32:24,817
Convicted and sentenced
782
00:32:24,817 --> 00:32:26,569
to 15 years based on
handwritten notes.
783
00:32:26,569 --> 00:32:27,904
State of California
versus Michael Serapili--
784
00:32:27,904 --> 00:32:29,072
- All right.
785
00:32:33,910 --> 00:32:34,827
What do you want?
786
00:32:34,827 --> 00:32:37,163
- What we were promised.
787
00:32:37,163 --> 00:32:38,748
We wanna be cops.
788
00:32:38,748 --> 00:32:41,960
- Yeah, and if you got in, it
should be a cake walk for us.
789
00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:45,838
But we wanna be real police
officers, no bullshit.
790
00:32:45,838 --> 00:32:49,884
- Or you could
smuggle cellphones
791
00:32:49,884 --> 00:32:53,096
in your ass for cigarettes.
792
00:32:53,930 --> 00:32:56,307
- Three of them, beep boop beep.
793
00:32:57,183 --> 00:32:58,184
- No.
794
00:32:58,184 --> 00:32:59,185
No.
795
00:32:59,185 --> 00:33:00,728
You guys can't be cops.
796
00:33:00,728 --> 00:33:01,646
You don't have the motor skills.
797
00:33:01,646 --> 00:33:02,647
You don't have the ability.
798
00:33:02,647 --> 00:33:04,649
- Wrong, we are cops.
799
00:33:04,649 --> 00:33:06,401
We passed every test.
800
00:33:06,401 --> 00:33:10,279
This is discrimination and
you are the Ku Klux Klan!
801
00:33:10,279 --> 00:33:11,948
(chair hisses)
802
00:33:11,948 --> 00:33:13,741
- Not a chance.
803
00:33:13,741 --> 00:33:14,826
- Great.
804
00:33:14,826 --> 00:33:16,911
Guys, let's go.
805
00:33:16,911 --> 00:33:20,331
If we can't be cops,
neither can you.
806
00:33:20,331 --> 00:33:23,835
- Uh, Captain Wynn's
office is 113, right?
807
00:33:23,835 --> 00:33:25,294
- Guys, wait, wait. No, don't.
808
00:33:25,294 --> 00:33:26,796
All right, all right, stop.
809
00:33:27,130 --> 00:33:29,007
God fucking...
810
00:33:29,632 --> 00:33:30,842
Seriously?
811
00:33:30,842 --> 00:33:31,843
Unbelievable!
812
00:33:32,677 --> 00:33:34,846
What a damn day!
813
00:33:35,847 --> 00:33:37,181
Fine!
814
00:33:37,181 --> 00:33:39,976
You want me to teach
you to be cops?
815
00:33:39,976 --> 00:33:43,646
Fine, but I'm gonna show
you how little you know!
816
00:33:43,646 --> 00:33:45,273
And the only reason
you guys are here
817
00:33:45,273 --> 00:33:48,317
'cause you're a bunch of
wobbly, gimpy spaz balls.
818
00:33:48,317 --> 00:33:52,864
And now I gotta go find
a short bus with a siren!
819
00:33:52,864 --> 00:33:54,615
Unbelievable!
820
00:33:54,615 --> 00:33:55,992
God!
821
00:33:55,992 --> 00:33:56,868
(loud thud)
822
00:33:56,868 --> 00:33:57,660
Fuck!
823
00:33:58,661 --> 00:33:59,495
Perfect!
824
00:34:00,413 --> 00:34:02,540
(screams)
825
00:34:05,460 --> 00:34:06,878
- I like his new attitude!
826
00:34:06,878 --> 00:34:08,629
(laughs)
827
00:34:08,629 --> 00:34:11,340
- This is the
department's firing range.
828
00:34:11,340 --> 00:34:14,510
Today, we're gonna
train like real cops.
829
00:34:14,510 --> 00:34:17,388
I am videotaping you all
with a high-speed camera
830
00:34:17,388 --> 00:34:19,849
to show you how bad you suck
831
00:34:19,849 --> 00:34:23,269
because I don't want
you to be real cops.
832
00:34:24,437 --> 00:34:25,855
Instead, I'd like you
guys to be working
833
00:34:25,855 --> 00:34:28,357
at a large box store,
greeting people,
834
00:34:28,357 --> 00:34:32,612
or making stuffed animals
in small windowless rooms.
835
00:34:32,612 --> 00:34:33,863
(shouting)
836
00:34:33,863 --> 00:34:36,616
- Is the box store shaped like
a box or does it sell boxes?
837
00:34:36,616 --> 00:34:37,784
- Bu bu bu Bullshit!
838
00:34:38,910 --> 00:34:41,621
- I've killed more
people than you!
839
00:34:41,621 --> 00:34:43,498
- You are awful!
840
00:34:43,498 --> 00:34:44,499
- Shut up!
841
00:34:48,503 --> 00:34:49,921
Now this
842
00:34:50,671 --> 00:34:51,380
is a bullet.
843
00:34:52,590 --> 00:34:56,886
On its own, it's inert,
docile, and unlikely to kill,
844
00:34:56,886 --> 00:35:01,724
but it needs its best friend,
the semiautomatic pistol.
845
00:35:01,724 --> 00:35:04,060
Now, a bullet
doesn't kill unless
846
00:35:04,060 --> 00:35:08,523
a semiautomatic pistol
makes it go very, very fast.
847
00:35:08,523 --> 00:35:11,776
But once you are holding a
loaded weapon in your hand,
848
00:35:11,776 --> 00:35:13,736
things change dramatically.
849
00:35:13,736 --> 00:35:17,824
Now, the gun becomes the
bullet and you become the gun.
850
00:35:18,866 --> 00:35:19,742
Got it?
851
00:35:20,743 --> 00:35:21,994
- Sorry, am I the
gun or the bullet?
852
00:35:21,994 --> 00:35:23,121
- You're the bullet!
853
00:35:23,121 --> 00:35:24,580
- No, the gun is the bullet.
854
00:35:24,580 --> 00:35:25,540
He's the gun.
855
00:35:25,540 --> 00:35:26,666
- I thought the gun was the gun.
856
00:35:26,666 --> 00:35:28,084
- Oh, this is stupid!
857
00:35:28,084 --> 00:35:29,418
- I get it.
858
00:35:29,418 --> 00:35:32,004
- Can I get, get a nuh,
nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh,
859
00:35:32,004 --> 00:35:33,673
nuh, nuh, nuh,
860
00:35:33,673 --> 00:35:35,716
nuh, nuh, knife?
861
00:35:37,844 --> 00:35:39,512
- Let's just shoot.
862
00:35:40,471 --> 00:35:41,389
Mac.
863
00:35:41,389 --> 00:35:44,308
(upbeat rock music)
864
00:35:50,314 --> 00:35:53,526
(gun firing)
865
00:35:53,526 --> 00:35:54,986
Five out of six, not bad.
866
00:35:54,986 --> 00:35:56,404
You missed one.
867
00:35:56,404 --> 00:35:57,822
Here's how to remember it:
868
00:35:57,822 --> 00:36:01,576
Take your time and shoot
the guy in the spine.
869
00:36:08,875 --> 00:36:10,459
Sophie, you're up.
870
00:36:10,459 --> 00:36:13,379
(upbeat rock music)
871
00:36:16,215 --> 00:36:18,801
(gun firing)
872
00:36:20,845 --> 00:36:23,514
(Garrett laughs)
873
00:36:23,514 --> 00:36:25,892
Well, didn't hit one.
874
00:36:25,892 --> 00:36:27,894
Just shows no matter
how tough you are,
875
00:36:27,894 --> 00:36:29,520
she still can't
hit the broad side
876
00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:31,606
of a barn with another barn.
877
00:36:31,606 --> 00:36:32,857
There you go.
878
00:36:32,857 --> 00:36:36,027
At the end of the day, you've
gotta learn what you're doing.
879
00:36:36,027 --> 00:36:37,904
And if you don't know
what you're doing,
880
00:36:37,904 --> 00:36:38,905
then you just gotta stop talk--
881
00:36:38,905 --> 00:36:41,866
(gun fires loudly)
882
00:36:50,625 --> 00:36:51,834
That's a pass.
883
00:36:56,422 --> 00:36:58,925
Alvin, pick your poison.
884
00:36:58,925 --> 00:37:01,844
(upbeat rock music)
885
00:37:28,788 --> 00:37:32,041
(gun firing)
886
00:37:36,587 --> 00:37:39,966
Well, you only hit one,
but it was a killer.
887
00:37:39,966 --> 00:37:41,801
- I hit all six.
888
00:37:41,801 --> 00:37:43,261
- I only see one hole.
889
00:37:43,261 --> 00:37:44,762
- Went through the same hole.
890
00:37:45,513 --> 00:37:47,932
- Alvin, everybody
misses sometimes.
891
00:37:47,932 --> 00:37:49,350
- I didn't miss!
892
00:37:50,810 --> 00:37:54,563
- Listen, this Mongo
temper tantrum thing is
893
00:37:54,563 --> 00:37:56,190
not gonna work with me.
894
00:37:56,190 --> 00:37:58,567
You really think you put
them all through one hole?
895
00:37:58,567 --> 00:37:59,235
(laughs)
896
00:37:59,235 --> 00:38:00,194
Fine.
897
00:38:00,194 --> 00:38:01,612
Let's go to the high-speed video
898
00:38:01,612 --> 00:38:03,614
and show you how
bad you really suck.
899
00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:13,708
- I always win at the carnival.
900
00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:18,087
(upbeat rock music)
901
00:38:18,087 --> 00:38:19,797
- Morgan, you're up.
902
00:38:23,050 --> 00:38:25,803
Okay, I got you
framed up, buddy.
903
00:38:27,596 --> 00:38:30,850
Uh, can you control the,
okay, aim at the tar-, okay.
904
00:38:30,850 --> 00:38:32,768
Uh, you know what, Morgan,
you don't have to do this.
905
00:38:32,768 --> 00:38:35,855
You don't have to do this.
- I got this.
906
00:38:35,855 --> 00:38:37,982
(gun firing)
907
00:38:37,982 --> 00:38:39,275
(screams)
908
00:38:39,275 --> 00:38:40,276
(groans)
909
00:38:40,276 --> 00:38:42,570
- You shot me in the ear!
910
00:38:42,570 --> 00:38:43,195
You idiot!
911
00:38:43,195 --> 00:38:44,196
Ow!
912
00:38:44,196 --> 00:38:46,574
My ear is right next to
my head, you dumb ass!
913
00:38:46,574 --> 00:38:47,575
Ow!
914
00:38:47,575 --> 00:38:50,453
- I asked for a nuh, nuh, knife!
915
00:38:50,995 --> 00:38:53,539
(yelps)
916
00:38:53,539 --> 00:38:56,208
- Online crime is
a huge problem,
917
00:38:56,208 --> 00:38:59,628
and the LAPD is proud to be in
the frontline of cyber wars,
918
00:38:59,628 --> 00:39:02,298
international espionage,
and drug trafficking.
919
00:39:02,298 --> 00:39:03,716
But our bread and butter,
920
00:39:03,716 --> 00:39:07,553
where LA leads the
world, is in pedophiles.
921
00:39:09,263 --> 00:39:11,724
Is in catching pedophiles.
922
00:39:11,724 --> 00:39:13,809
Now, this isn't easy, kids.
923
00:39:13,809 --> 00:39:15,895
Takes a long time,
sometimes days, weeks,
924
00:39:15,895 --> 00:39:17,646
even months just to get--
- Done.
925
00:39:17,646 --> 00:39:20,566
(computer beeping)
926
00:39:21,734 --> 00:39:22,860
- What the hell is this?
927
00:39:22,860 --> 00:39:24,153
- NORAD.
928
00:39:24,153 --> 00:39:25,946
Do you want me to get
some launch codes?
929
00:39:25,946 --> 00:39:28,032
Long shot, but it'll
take me a bit of time.
930
00:39:28,032 --> 00:39:29,200
- Turn it off!
931
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,077
- It's okay, they can't see us.
932
00:39:31,077 --> 00:39:35,039
I've routed through 14
different international servers.
933
00:39:35,039 --> 00:39:36,707
They'll think we're North Korea.
934
00:39:37,583 --> 00:39:39,752
- [Computer] Warning,
tracking software detected.
935
00:39:39,752 --> 00:39:40,961
- That's bad.
(siren wailing)
936
00:39:40,961 --> 00:39:42,088
- Go, everybody
out, everybody out!
937
00:39:42,088 --> 00:39:43,089
Go, go, go, go, go!
938
00:39:43,089 --> 00:39:44,090
God!
939
00:39:46,550 --> 00:39:49,804
(water splashes)
(electricity crackles)
940
00:39:49,804 --> 00:39:51,013
(yelps)
941
00:39:51,013 --> 00:39:52,306
All right, I wanna
welcome you guys
942
00:39:52,306 --> 00:39:54,809
to the Van Nuys PD
investigative training room.
943
00:39:54,809 --> 00:39:58,813
Look around, observe, tell
me what you see, kids.
944
00:39:58,813 --> 00:40:01,273
Alvin, what do you got?
945
00:40:01,273 --> 00:40:03,109
- It was bad.
946
00:40:03,109 --> 00:40:05,820
(inhales loudly)
947
00:40:06,904 --> 00:40:08,114
Very bad.
948
00:40:10,950 --> 00:40:12,076
- Okay.
949
00:40:12,076 --> 00:40:13,369
Mac, what do you got?
950
00:40:13,369 --> 00:40:15,955
- Love triangle,
lying, cheating.
951
00:40:15,955 --> 00:40:17,998
Oh yeah, I've lived this.
952
00:40:17,998 --> 00:40:20,751
The woman shot first, of course!
953
00:40:20,751 --> 00:40:23,963
She winged this guy who loved
her more than life itself!
954
00:40:23,963 --> 00:40:25,756
But he was just half a man.
955
00:40:25,756 --> 00:40:29,635
And then when her other lover
tried to run because he can,
956
00:40:29,635 --> 00:40:31,095
she killed him.
957
00:40:31,095 --> 00:40:35,808
So no witnesses, but we
know what you did, Marie!
958
00:40:35,808 --> 00:40:38,769
Sick bitch shredded me!
959
00:40:42,857 --> 00:40:45,192
- Well, that was
frightening and complicated.
960
00:40:45,192 --> 00:40:46,485
And totally inaccurate.
961
00:40:47,153 --> 00:40:49,071
Morgan, what do you got?
962
00:40:49,071 --> 00:40:52,825
- Druh, drug deal
gone ba, ba, bad.
963
00:40:52,825 --> 00:40:56,287
That guy still has
crack in his hands.
964
00:40:56,287 --> 00:40:59,331
Everyone started
shooting at once
965
00:40:59,915 --> 00:41:02,960
and the last one alive wanted
966
00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:03,836
to make ID
967
00:41:04,753 --> 00:41:07,798
impa, pa, possible.
968
00:41:08,299 --> 00:41:11,760
Money, drugs left on the scene,
969
00:41:11,760 --> 00:41:15,097
we're looking for a
juh, juh, juh, junkie.
970
00:41:17,349 --> 00:41:20,352
- That's exactly what
I had them set up.
971
00:41:20,352 --> 00:41:21,187
Oh my.
972
00:41:22,687 --> 00:41:24,015
You have a knack.
973
00:41:24,015 --> 00:41:26,491
But you know what, you
really shouldn't talk.
974
00:41:26,491 --> 00:41:28,123
All right.
(loud thud)
975
00:41:28,123 --> 00:41:30,243
Sophie, what do you got?
976
00:41:30,243 --> 00:41:34,445
- These guys are drug dealers
and junkies, right, Morgan?
977
00:41:34,445 --> 00:41:36,902
- I'd buh, buh, bet on it!
978
00:41:36,902 --> 00:41:38,197
- I know what he knows.
979
00:41:38,197 --> 00:41:40,260
I wanna know what you know.
980
00:41:41,179 --> 00:41:43,186
- I think it's a suicide.
981
00:41:43,186 --> 00:41:44,969
- What?
- Crack head, junkie, murder,
982
00:41:44,969 --> 00:41:47,932
circle jerks, ain't
worth my time.
983
00:41:47,932 --> 00:41:50,240
I've got citizens to protect.
984
00:41:50,240 --> 00:41:53,879
Tag 'em, bag 'em, chuck
'em in a landfill.
985
00:41:56,261 --> 00:41:58,981
- Gentlemen, take note.
986
00:41:58,981 --> 00:42:00,388
That's a cop.
987
00:42:00,388 --> 00:42:03,783
- Welcome to the Van Nuys
Police Training Center.
988
00:42:03,783 --> 00:42:08,267
Today, I'll be your
instructor, Sensei Nick Kahana.
989
00:42:08,267 --> 00:42:10,311
I'm gonna be teaching you
how to defend yourself
990
00:42:10,311 --> 00:42:14,420
on the streets of Los Angeles,
which is not an easy feat.
991
00:42:14,420 --> 00:42:15,489
You!
992
00:42:15,489 --> 00:42:16,489
Get up.
993
00:42:19,434 --> 00:42:20,966
(groans)
994
00:42:20,966 --> 00:42:22,111
(screams)
(loud thud)
995
00:42:22,111 --> 00:42:23,930
(loud thud)
Come on!
996
00:42:23,930 --> 00:42:24,930
(grunts)
997
00:42:24,930 --> 00:42:28,432
(screams)
(loud thud)
998
00:42:28,432 --> 00:42:29,370
(loud thud)
(grunts)
999
00:42:29,952 --> 00:42:31,134
(loud thud)
(grunts)
1000
00:42:32,109 --> 00:42:33,109
(loud thud)
(grunts)
1001
00:42:33,109 --> 00:42:34,341
(loud thud)
1002
00:42:34,341 --> 00:42:37,211
(screams)
(loud squish)
1003
00:42:40,963 --> 00:42:43,983
(upbeat drum music)
1004
00:42:48,936 --> 00:42:50,980
Garrett Fowler.
1005
00:42:50,980 --> 00:42:53,344
Heard about your new job, bro.
1006
00:42:55,745 --> 00:42:57,039
Rough.
1007
00:42:57,039 --> 00:42:59,196
- Everybody, this
is Nick Kahana.
1008
00:42:59,196 --> 00:43:01,410
- Tell them the rest.
1009
00:43:01,410 --> 00:43:03,455
- Van Nuys PD
hand-to-hand combat
1010
00:43:03,455 --> 00:43:06,406
and martial arts
expert, Nick Kahana.
1011
00:43:06,406 --> 00:43:09,558
- Nick Kahana has
worked very hard,
1012
00:43:09,558 --> 00:43:13,047
so Nick Kahana deserves respect.
1013
00:43:13,047 --> 00:43:15,560
So which one of the
slow class, short bus,
1014
00:43:15,560 --> 00:43:17,399
tending the rabbits dummies
1015
00:43:17,399 --> 00:43:20,325
does Nick Kahana have
to take out first?
1016
00:43:20,325 --> 00:43:22,482
- Uh, uh, uh, uh, I'm good.
1017
00:43:23,870 --> 00:43:26,572
- Nick Kahana will take
out the biggest guy here.
1018
00:43:26,572 --> 00:43:29,179
I already kicked
Garrett Fowler's ass.
1019
00:43:29,179 --> 00:43:31,468
Choked him out like
I was his daddy.
1020
00:43:31,468 --> 00:43:33,587
Remember that, Garrett Fowler?
1021
00:43:33,587 --> 00:43:35,388
- Yeah, Nick, I remember.
1022
00:43:35,388 --> 00:43:40,172
It took me a couple weeks
to remember, but I remember.
1023
00:43:40,172 --> 00:43:43,229
Hey, Alvin, do you want
some more training?
1024
00:43:43,229 --> 00:43:45,593
- I already know everything
in the whole world.
1025
00:43:45,593 --> 00:43:50,226
- Well, Nick Kahana is gonna
teach you something new.
1026
00:43:50,226 --> 00:43:51,226
- Okay.
1027
00:43:57,379 --> 00:43:59,587
(screams)
1028
00:44:00,300 --> 00:44:03,038
(coughs softly)
1029
00:44:06,002 --> 00:44:08,216
(screams)
1030
00:44:10,279 --> 00:44:12,512
(screams)
1031
00:44:12,512 --> 00:44:14,556
I like that last move.
1032
00:44:14,556 --> 00:44:16,413
- Why isn't he doing anything?
1033
00:44:16,413 --> 00:44:17,633
Gotta touch him.
1034
00:44:17,633 --> 00:44:18,633
- Uh.
1035
00:44:18,633 --> 00:44:20,521
Hey, Nick, maybe you shouldn't.
1036
00:44:20,521 --> 00:44:21,384
- Just touch him?
1037
00:44:21,384 --> 00:44:22,529
- [Sophie] Yeah.
1038
00:44:22,529 --> 00:44:24,273
- Come on, retard.
(Alvin gasps)
1039
00:44:24,273 --> 00:44:25,273
(screams)
1040
00:44:25,273 --> 00:44:28,137
(loud thud)
(groans)
1041
00:44:28,137 --> 00:44:29,094
(screams)
1042
00:44:29,094 --> 00:44:31,814
(loud thud)
- Ooh!
1043
00:44:33,052 --> 00:44:35,303
(loud thud)
1044
00:44:39,918 --> 00:44:41,362
(screams)
(loud thud)
1045
00:44:41,362 --> 00:44:43,276
(groans)
1046
00:44:47,253 --> 00:44:51,417
(loud thud)
(groans)
1047
00:44:54,099 --> 00:44:56,426
- Night, night, Nick Kahana.
1048
00:45:02,597 --> 00:45:04,492
Now, I'm going to poop on him.
1049
00:45:04,492 --> 00:45:05,580
- [All] Alvin!
1050
00:45:07,043 --> 00:45:10,176
- [Morgan] Congratulations.
1051
00:45:10,176 --> 00:45:14,359
- Hey, Garrett, as much as
I don't trust you or the NRA
1052
00:45:14,359 --> 00:45:16,235
or coconut water,
1053
00:45:16,235 --> 00:45:19,030
I realize that
you've helped us all.
1054
00:45:19,030 --> 00:45:21,356
Here, this is from everyone.
1055
00:45:21,356 --> 00:45:25,445
And I disarmed the C4 under
your Charger, so no worries.
1056
00:45:26,514 --> 00:45:27,514
(laughs)
1057
00:45:27,514 --> 00:45:30,397
- That's mildly unnerving.
1058
00:45:30,397 --> 00:45:31,397
Holy crap.
1059
00:45:31,397 --> 00:45:32,397
It's a watch.
1060
00:45:34,986 --> 00:45:36,400
Thanks.
1061
00:45:36,400 --> 00:45:37,770
Good news is tomorrow,
1062
00:45:37,770 --> 00:45:39,739
you guys get your
first real assignments.
1063
00:45:39,739 --> 00:45:41,352
- Yeah!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah!
1064
00:45:41,352 --> 00:45:44,598
- I gotta question though:
The hell do I call you guys?
1065
00:45:44,598 --> 00:45:46,699
- I like Spartacus.
1066
00:45:46,699 --> 00:45:49,212
- No, I just mean there's
so many different words.
1067
00:45:49,212 --> 00:45:50,788
Disabled, differently abled.
1068
00:45:50,788 --> 00:45:52,551
- If it's not my name,
1069
00:45:53,602 --> 00:45:56,509
you might as well call me gimp.
1070
00:45:56,509 --> 00:45:57,509
- Exactly.
1071
00:45:58,597 --> 00:46:01,068
- So you're cool with gimp?
1072
00:46:01,068 --> 00:46:02,362
Well, you know what
my favorite is?
1073
00:46:02,362 --> 00:46:04,426
Wobblies, that one has
the nice, light tone.
1074
00:46:04,426 --> 00:46:06,339
It's kind of Muppety feel to it.
1075
00:46:06,339 --> 00:46:07,339
Wobblies.
1076
00:46:10,172 --> 00:46:12,229
I'll work on it when
I'm in the head.
1077
00:46:14,236 --> 00:46:16,525
- I gotta go, go too.
1078
00:46:16,956 --> 00:46:18,288
(urine splashing)
1079
00:46:18,288 --> 00:46:20,070
- Hey, hey, make it look
like you're pissing,
1080
00:46:20,070 --> 00:46:21,346
not jerking off.
1081
00:46:21,346 --> 00:46:24,516
- [Morgan] Garrett,
what do I do, do?
1082
00:46:24,516 --> 00:46:26,523
- Hold your dick still,
buy a hose clamp.
1083
00:46:26,523 --> 00:46:27,523
I don't know.
1084
00:46:27,523 --> 00:46:29,375
- [Morgan] No, about Sophie.
1085
00:46:29,375 --> 00:46:31,119
- Uh, I wouldn't touch her dick.
1086
00:46:31,119 --> 00:46:33,276
- [Morgan] She's
giving me the vibe
1087
00:46:33,276 --> 00:46:37,272
and would I get in trouble for,
for fooling around with her?
1088
00:46:38,566 --> 00:46:40,386
- No, dude, if you're
getting a vibe, what do I--
1089
00:46:40,386 --> 00:46:41,386
(toilet water splashes)
Care.
1090
00:46:41,386 --> 00:46:42,656
You know, go for it.
1091
00:46:42,656 --> 00:46:46,257
- [Morgan] And stop
tap, tapping my foot.
1092
00:46:46,257 --> 00:46:47,257
- Hilarious.
1093
00:46:55,643 --> 00:46:57,325
Wash your hands!
1094
00:46:57,325 --> 00:46:59,839
(toilet flushes)
1095
00:46:59,839 --> 00:47:03,065
(elegant guitar music)
1096
00:47:06,085 --> 00:47:10,118
- I had a great time
with you tonight.
1097
00:47:10,118 --> 00:47:12,238
- Hey, you didn't stutter.
1098
00:47:12,238 --> 00:47:14,602
- Yeah, if I were an alcoholic,
1099
00:47:15,577 --> 00:47:17,866
I could be pruh,
pruh, president.
1100
00:47:17,866 --> 00:47:19,742
(laughs)
1101
00:47:19,742 --> 00:47:20,623
- Mm.
1102
00:47:21,599 --> 00:47:25,425
You know, Garrett,
he treats us like--
1103
00:47:25,857 --> 00:47:27,883
- Like real people.
1104
00:47:27,883 --> 00:47:29,759
No kid gloves.
1105
00:47:29,759 --> 00:47:31,841
- Like, he's kind of a dick.
1106
00:47:31,841 --> 00:47:34,223
- Sophie, we are who we are.
1107
00:47:35,349 --> 00:47:37,450
We screw up bad once,
1108
00:47:38,181 --> 00:47:40,732
we go back to being the joke.
1109
00:47:42,214 --> 00:47:44,578
I don't wanna be the joke.
1110
00:47:45,328 --> 00:47:47,936
I don't wanna be the retard.
1111
00:47:49,474 --> 00:47:53,057
And what I'm scared most of is
1112
00:47:53,695 --> 00:47:56,509
not being seen at all.
1113
00:47:59,472 --> 00:48:01,329
- I see you, Morgan.
1114
00:48:11,459 --> 00:48:14,704
Your mind is so sexy, Morgan.
1115
00:48:14,704 --> 00:48:16,543
- And the rest of me?
1116
00:48:16,543 --> 00:48:19,394
- That's pretty sexy too.
1117
00:48:19,394 --> 00:48:20,914
Come here, big boy.
1118
00:48:20,914 --> 00:48:22,527
- [Morgan] Yeah!
1119
00:48:22,527 --> 00:48:25,284
(exhales loudly)
1120
00:48:26,429 --> 00:48:27,429
(record scratches)
1121
00:48:27,429 --> 00:48:29,711
(loud thud)
1122
00:48:29,711 --> 00:48:32,056
- Oh my gosh, are you okay?
1123
00:48:32,694 --> 00:48:33,694
- I'm good.
1124
00:48:37,858 --> 00:48:40,666
That's why I walk this way.
1125
00:48:41,323 --> 00:48:43,611
(screams)
1126
00:48:46,763 --> 00:48:49,614
(heaves loudly)
1127
00:48:51,490 --> 00:48:53,629
- Captain, you all right?
1128
00:49:01,188 --> 00:49:03,158
(laughs)
1129
00:49:05,090 --> 00:49:07,304
- You scared us, sir.
1130
00:49:07,304 --> 00:49:10,436
- We're ruh, ready
to be cuh, cuh, cops.
1131
00:49:11,599 --> 00:49:14,394
- Fowler, you gotta stop!
1132
00:49:14,394 --> 00:49:15,839
You gotta stop!
1133
00:49:15,839 --> 00:49:17,546
Okay, okay.
1134
00:49:17,546 --> 00:49:18,953
You wanna be real cops?
1135
00:49:18,953 --> 00:49:21,879
All right, well,
as per the mayor,
1136
00:49:21,879 --> 00:49:24,299
here is your new assignment.
1137
00:49:25,631 --> 00:49:30,583
- Oh, I hate when he
says, "As per the mayor."
1138
00:49:37,242 --> 00:49:39,250
- This is bullshit!
1139
00:49:39,250 --> 00:49:40,769
(groans)
1140
00:49:40,769 --> 00:49:43,752
(loud crash)
1141
00:49:43,752 --> 00:49:46,641
- Get her out of my office.
1142
00:49:46,641 --> 00:49:47,641
- Uh-oh.
1143
00:49:50,848 --> 00:49:53,300
(shouting)
1144
00:49:56,339 --> 00:49:57,339
- Shut up!
1145
00:49:58,220 --> 00:49:59,753
(sighs)
1146
00:49:59,753 --> 00:50:03,748
Guys, sometimes you have
to do what you have to do.
1147
00:50:05,155 --> 00:50:07,125
(sighs)
1148
00:50:10,426 --> 00:50:11,665
- Look, pigeon!
1149
00:50:11,665 --> 00:50:13,503
- [All] Shut up, Alvin!
1150
00:50:21,813 --> 00:50:23,951
- We are not going in
there without protection.
1151
00:50:23,951 --> 00:50:25,677
- This is not our
required equipment though.
1152
00:50:25,677 --> 00:50:27,759
The Mayor said we are the
face of the force.
1153
00:50:27,759 --> 00:50:29,954
- Alvin, he's giving us guns.
1154
00:50:29,954 --> 00:50:31,811
- Damn straight.
1155
00:50:31,811 --> 00:50:33,593
Listen, we are
about to enter one
1156
00:50:33,593 --> 00:50:35,826
of the most dangerous
places in America.
1157
00:50:35,826 --> 00:50:37,439
Anything can happen here
1158
00:50:37,439 --> 00:50:40,365
and to go in unarmed
would be suicide.
1159
00:50:40,365 --> 00:50:41,716
You guys got your game faces on?
1160
00:50:41,716 --> 00:50:42,616
- Heck ya.
- Yes!
1161
00:50:42,616 --> 00:50:43,948
- Let's do this.
1162
00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:48,094
- Do you know how bad
school was for me?
1163
00:50:48,094 --> 00:50:49,238
- And me.
1164
00:50:49,238 --> 00:50:52,408
- School is where most
lifetime psychosis is created.
1165
00:50:52,408 --> 00:50:54,828
- Yeah, man, that's
why I became a cop,
1166
00:50:54,828 --> 00:50:56,423
to get even with
these douche bags.
1167
00:50:56,423 --> 00:50:59,368
I remember thinking, oh,
you pricks, if I had a gun.
1168
00:50:59,368 --> 00:51:00,587
(laughs)
1169
00:51:00,587 --> 00:51:01,544
I got better.
1170
00:51:01,544 --> 00:51:02,932
Went to the 10 year reunion,
1171
00:51:02,932 --> 00:51:05,896
everybody was all methy and
had these Walmart bodies.
1172
00:51:05,896 --> 00:51:07,734
I win.
(laughs)
1173
00:51:07,734 --> 00:51:09,104
- Yeah, I loved school.
1174
00:51:09,104 --> 00:51:12,461
I was on track team,
volleyball, homecoming king,
1175
00:51:12,461 --> 00:51:14,806
debate team, gymnastics,
science club.
1176
00:51:14,806 --> 00:51:18,802
Oh, plus, I double teamed my
French and English teachers.
1177
00:51:18,802 --> 00:51:21,297
School was awesome!
1178
00:51:23,960 --> 00:51:24,955
Hey.
1179
00:51:24,955 --> 00:51:26,108
Little help here!
1180
00:51:26,108 --> 00:51:29,279
- Call your English teacher.
1181
00:51:29,823 --> 00:51:32,787
(upbeat rock music)
1182
00:51:34,381 --> 00:51:38,076
- Oh, aren't they just adorable!
1183
00:51:38,076 --> 00:51:39,784
- They're police
officers, ma'am.
1184
00:51:39,784 --> 00:51:41,828
- Oh, come on, not really.
1185
00:51:42,747 --> 00:51:44,098
(Garrett sighs)
1186
00:51:44,098 --> 00:51:45,711
- What do you want us to do?
1187
00:51:45,711 --> 00:51:47,381
- Can the midget dance?
1188
00:51:47,381 --> 00:51:50,120
- No, the midget can't dance.
1189
00:51:50,120 --> 00:51:53,140
But it can punch you in the box!
1190
00:51:53,140 --> 00:51:54,622
- [Teacher] Oh my.
1191
00:51:54,659 --> 00:51:57,379
- Sorry, she's a
little bit grumpy.
1192
00:51:57,379 --> 00:51:59,686
She was up late last
night making shoes.
1193
00:51:59,686 --> 00:52:03,551
- Yeah, and my Cabbage Patch
underwear keeps riding up.
1194
00:52:03,551 --> 00:52:04,657
- Okay.
1195
00:52:04,657 --> 00:52:07,471
I'll just introduce you.
1196
00:52:07,471 --> 00:52:09,085
- Garrett, this is
bull, bull, bull--
1197
00:52:09,085 --> 00:52:10,085
- I know!
1198
00:52:11,341 --> 00:52:14,862
Look, guys, just be
good cops, all right?
1199
00:52:14,862 --> 00:52:18,558
We'll go out there,
inspire the kids,
1200
00:52:18,558 --> 00:52:20,996
tell them to say no to
drugs and pedophiles,
1201
00:52:20,996 --> 00:52:24,767
and then we'll get drunk
and find a strip club, okay?
1202
00:52:24,767 --> 00:52:25,611
- Yeah.
1203
00:52:25,611 --> 00:52:26,811
- All right.
1204
00:52:26,811 --> 00:52:28,875
- Kids, I know you're
eagerly anticipating,
1205
00:52:28,875 --> 00:52:32,758
so without further waiting,
I'd like to introduce some
1206
00:52:32,758 --> 00:52:36,266
of Los Angeles's finest
special officers.
1207
00:52:37,766 --> 00:52:40,824
(upbeat dance music)
1208
00:52:49,828 --> 00:52:50,828
- Hey kids!
1209
00:52:56,681 --> 00:52:59,433
Uh, my name's Detective Fowler.
1210
00:52:59,433 --> 00:53:01,684
I'd like to introduce
you to the Special Unit
1211
00:53:01,684 --> 00:53:04,591
of the Los Angles
Police Department.
1212
00:53:04,591 --> 00:53:06,542
We are a team.
1213
00:53:07,987 --> 00:53:09,788
Let's hear it for Mac.
1214
00:53:09,788 --> 00:53:13,821
(children applauds)
(upbeat dance music)
1215
00:53:20,668 --> 00:53:22,825
(laughing)
1216
00:53:26,764 --> 00:53:30,009
(dramatic guitar music)
1217
00:53:44,153 --> 00:53:46,892
(bottle crashes)
1218
00:53:52,088 --> 00:53:55,690
(children laughing)
1219
00:53:59,066 --> 00:54:01,561
(children cheer)
1220
00:54:01,561 --> 00:54:02,893
All right, yeah--
1221
00:54:02,893 --> 00:54:04,807
- Follow that, Stretch.
- All right, now,
1222
00:54:04,807 --> 00:54:07,902
let's meet our Special
Officer Sophie!
1223
00:54:07,902 --> 00:54:10,359
- Watch this, little bitches.
1224
00:54:17,694 --> 00:54:19,082
Ta-da!
1225
00:54:19,082 --> 00:54:21,089
(children cheer)
1226
00:54:21,089 --> 00:54:24,803
- So now, let's
welcome Officer Morgan.
1227
00:54:24,803 --> 00:54:26,810
- Alvin, give me your gun.
1228
00:54:26,810 --> 00:54:27,580
- Okay.
1229
00:54:28,536 --> 00:54:30,618
- [Garrett] No, no, no,
no, give me the gun.
1230
00:54:30,618 --> 00:54:31,618
- I got this.
1231
00:54:35,552 --> 00:54:37,109
Hi Kids.
1232
00:54:37,109 --> 00:54:38,572
Guns aren't cool.
1233
00:54:39,454 --> 00:54:41,142
They're awesome!
1234
00:54:41,142 --> 00:54:43,937
(children cheer)
1235
00:54:45,757 --> 00:54:49,902
But you have to know
what you're doing.
1236
00:54:49,902 --> 00:54:50,728
- Susie!
1237
00:54:51,534 --> 00:54:52,534
Michael!
1238
00:54:53,547 --> 00:54:56,243
We're going to Disney Land!
1239
00:54:56,243 --> 00:54:59,188
And your mother's
not coming with us!
1240
00:54:59,188 --> 00:55:01,758
(children cheer)
1241
00:55:01,758 --> 00:55:02,452
- Alvin.
1242
00:55:06,241 --> 00:55:07,667
- Hello.
1243
00:55:07,667 --> 00:55:11,212
I know everything
in the whole world.
1244
00:55:11,212 --> 00:55:12,212
- Oh yeah?
1245
00:55:12,212 --> 00:55:14,457
How about 5,842 times 280?
1246
00:55:17,496 --> 00:55:18,496
- 1,635,760.
1247
00:55:22,604 --> 00:55:24,887
(children cheer)
1248
00:55:24,887 --> 00:55:27,814
- We are trained professionals.
1249
00:55:27,814 --> 00:55:31,134
So, kids, don't do this at home.
1250
00:55:31,134 --> 00:55:33,329
Do it in the field.
1251
00:55:33,329 --> 00:55:36,180
- Away from your parents.
1252
00:55:36,180 --> 00:55:39,069
- Would you like to
see Alvin shoot
1253
00:55:39,069 --> 00:55:41,451
an apple off our boss's head?
1254
00:55:42,952 --> 00:55:46,647
(children cheer)
1255
00:55:46,647 --> 00:55:49,405
- Bite me, you big,
gimpy spaz ball..
1256
00:55:49,405 --> 00:55:51,112
- He never misses.
1257
00:55:52,256 --> 00:55:55,426
- So, uh, you're not gonna
shoot a gun in here, right?
1258
00:55:55,426 --> 00:55:57,227
- [Children] Shoot
it, shoot it--
1259
00:55:57,227 --> 00:55:58,840
- Uh.
1260
00:55:58,840 --> 00:56:01,110
Uh, the bullets are
actually school-approved.
1261
00:56:01,110 --> 00:56:02,855
- [Children] Shoot
it, shoot it--
1262
00:56:02,855 --> 00:56:03,736
- Use my gun.
1263
00:56:03,736 --> 00:56:05,087
I trust it.
1264
00:56:05,087 --> 00:56:07,901
- [Children] Shoot it,
shoot it, shoot it,
1265
00:56:07,901 --> 00:56:12,759
shoot it, shoot it, shoot
it, shoot it, shoot it,
1266
00:56:12,759 --> 00:56:17,637
shoot it, shoot it, shoot
it, shoot it, shoot it,
1267
00:56:17,637 --> 00:56:22,326
shoot it, shoot it, shoot
it, shoot it, shoot it,
1268
00:56:22,326 --> 00:56:24,840
shoot it, shoot it, shoot--
1269
00:56:24,840 --> 00:56:25,840
(gun fires)
1270
00:56:25,840 --> 00:56:28,535
(children cheer)
1271
00:56:33,037 --> 00:56:36,151
- Guys, give it up
for the Special Unit!
1272
00:56:36,151 --> 00:56:39,903
- She loves the men's
choir at the church,
1273
00:56:39,903 --> 00:56:42,398
especially the baritones!
1274
00:56:42,398 --> 00:56:46,469
Kids, we're going some
place, to Disney Land!
1275
00:56:46,469 --> 00:56:47,763
(gun fires)
1276
00:56:47,763 --> 00:56:48,763
- Someone's shooting!
1277
00:56:48,763 --> 00:56:50,746
- I've got this.
1278
00:56:50,746 --> 00:56:52,715
Kids, lockdown drill!
1279
00:56:53,259 --> 00:56:54,535
Now!
1280
00:56:57,874 --> 00:56:59,393
(locks clanking)
1281
00:56:59,393 --> 00:57:03,295
- Well, thank God we're not
destroying their innocence.
1282
00:57:03,295 --> 00:57:04,477
Morgan, call it in.
1283
00:57:04,477 --> 00:57:06,878
- This is Officer Morgan.
1284
00:57:06,878 --> 00:57:11,418
We, we have a, a, a, a, have
a shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo--
1285
00:57:11,418 --> 00:57:12,693
- Give me that!
1286
00:57:13,931 --> 00:57:15,357
It's Officer Garrett Fowler.
1287
00:57:15,357 --> 00:57:17,796
We have a 246 at the Anne
Frank Elementary School.
1288
00:57:17,796 --> 00:57:21,022
Send SWAT, send a helicopter,
everything you got.
1289
00:57:21,022 --> 00:57:23,329
Learn to speak English.
1290
00:57:23,329 --> 00:57:25,261
- See Mickey and Minnie,
1291
00:57:26,743 --> 00:57:29,707
and we'll say hello to Goofy.
1292
00:57:29,707 --> 00:57:32,371
And she doesn't love me anymore.
1293
00:57:32,371 --> 00:57:34,997
That's what she said.
1294
00:57:34,997 --> 00:57:35,766
Susie!
1295
00:57:36,817 --> 00:57:38,186
Michael!
1296
00:57:38,186 --> 00:57:40,231
- [Susie and Michael] Dad?
1297
00:57:41,375 --> 00:57:42,876
- That's your dad?
1298
00:57:42,876 --> 00:57:44,076
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
1299
00:57:44,076 --> 00:57:46,346
- Mac, take care of them.
1300
00:57:46,346 --> 00:57:48,147
- [Mac] Mike, Susie,
get over here.
1301
00:57:48,147 --> 00:57:49,147
- It's Michael, not Mike.
1302
00:57:49,147 --> 00:57:51,130
- [Mac] Get over here now!
1303
00:57:52,368 --> 00:57:54,150
- Mom and dad are
getting divorced.
1304
00:57:54,150 --> 00:57:55,500
- It's okay, don't worry.
1305
00:57:55,500 --> 00:57:56,926
We got this.
1306
00:57:56,926 --> 00:57:58,333
- Kids, get on stage now!
1307
00:57:58,333 --> 00:57:59,215
Get on stage now!
1308
00:57:59,215 --> 00:57:59,759
Go, go!
1309
00:58:02,329 --> 00:58:03,829
- He's coming down the hallway.
1310
00:58:03,829 --> 00:58:04,724
- Come on, come on,
come on, come on,
1311
00:58:04,724 --> 00:58:07,219
come on, come on, come on.
1312
00:58:07,219 --> 00:58:09,958
Close the curtains now!
1313
00:58:09,958 --> 00:58:14,010
(melancholic piano
and guitar music)
1314
00:58:24,102 --> 00:58:26,616
(gun firing)
1315
00:58:53,909 --> 00:58:56,273
(gun firing)
1316
00:58:56,273 --> 00:58:58,637
(loud thud)
1317
00:59:03,739 --> 00:59:05,839
(screams)
1318
00:59:06,739 --> 00:59:07,739
- My finger!
1319
00:59:08,802 --> 00:59:10,247
(screams)
1320
00:59:10,247 --> 00:59:11,447
Now they won't let me--
1321
00:59:11,447 --> 00:59:13,229
- As for you, scumbag--
1322
00:59:13,229 --> 00:59:14,130
- No!
1323
00:59:14,130 --> 00:59:16,831
- [Father] Ow, my finger!
1324
00:59:16,831 --> 00:59:17,750
- It's okay.
1325
00:59:18,895 --> 00:59:19,895
It's okay.
1326
00:59:21,076 --> 00:59:23,978
You know, my parents
were together 40 years?
1327
00:59:23,978 --> 00:59:24,978
(laughs)
1328
00:59:24,978 --> 00:59:27,392
(sighs loudly)
1329
00:59:29,962 --> 00:59:31,688
But this is good too.
1330
00:59:33,151 --> 00:59:34,151
- All right, Mac,
get them outta here.
1331
00:59:34,151 --> 00:59:35,440
- Let's go, guys.
1332
00:59:39,304 --> 00:59:42,024
- What about the
other keh, kids?
1333
00:59:42,024 --> 00:59:44,162
- This could scar them forever.
1334
00:59:44,162 --> 00:59:45,162
- I got it.
1335
00:59:47,245 --> 00:59:49,602
(whimpers)
1336
00:59:51,159 --> 00:59:53,335
And that, kids, is
why you should always,
1337
00:59:53,335 --> 00:59:56,055
always, question everything.
1338
00:59:56,055 --> 00:59:58,081
The world is a place
that will look you
1339
00:59:58,081 --> 01:00:00,164
in the face and lie to you.
1340
01:00:00,164 --> 01:00:04,065
It'll tell you, "Everything is
safe," when nothing ever is.
1341
01:00:04,065 --> 01:00:05,303
So pay attention.
1342
01:00:05,303 --> 01:00:06,523
Trust no one.
1343
01:00:06,523 --> 01:00:09,111
And maybe, just maybe,
you won't get shivved
1344
01:00:09,111 --> 01:00:11,156
in a gas station bathroom
before you're 30.
1345
01:00:11,156 --> 01:00:13,088
(sirens wailing)
1346
01:00:13,088 --> 01:00:14,088
Got it?
1347
01:00:16,264 --> 01:00:18,603
(children sobbing)
1348
01:00:18,603 --> 01:00:21,417
(helicopter whirs)
1349
01:00:23,293 --> 01:00:24,293
Oh, no way.
1350
01:00:26,000 --> 01:00:27,326
Take that.
1351
01:00:27,326 --> 01:00:28,326
(laughs)
1352
01:00:28,326 --> 01:00:32,241
(phone buzzing)
(phone ringing)
1353
01:00:34,961 --> 01:00:36,049
Hello, Captain.
1354
01:00:36,049 --> 01:00:37,512
- Live ammo?
1355
01:00:37,512 --> 01:00:38,512
In a school?
1356
01:00:38,512 --> 01:00:40,101
- Sir, they stopped the shooter.
1357
01:00:40,101 --> 01:00:40,964
- You are fired!
1358
01:00:40,964 --> 01:00:41,964
You're fired!
1359
01:00:41,964 --> 01:00:43,365
- Captain, nobody even got hurt.
1360
01:00:43,365 --> 01:00:45,072
Would you be happy if
somebody got killed?
1361
01:00:45,072 --> 01:00:47,285
- Fowler, you're a disease.
1362
01:00:47,285 --> 01:00:49,067
You're like human Ebola!
1363
01:00:49,067 --> 01:00:50,305
You know, when you're around,
1364
01:00:50,305 --> 01:00:53,307
people's eyes bleed and
their bowels liquefy!
1365
01:00:53,307 --> 01:00:54,545
You know what? You know what?
1366
01:00:54,545 --> 01:00:57,021
I'm happy because I
knew you would fail.
1367
01:00:57,021 --> 01:00:59,553
In my office,
tomorrow, 8:00 a.m.!
1368
01:00:59,553 --> 01:01:01,879
You're over!
- Captain, wait!
1369
01:01:03,043 --> 01:01:04,337
God!
1370
01:01:04,337 --> 01:01:06,982
(loud crash)
1371
01:01:06,982 --> 01:01:07,982
Ugh.
1372
01:01:08,788 --> 01:01:12,441
Could somebody please
get me an evidence bag?
1373
01:01:12,441 --> 01:01:15,011
(loud pounding)
1374
01:01:19,869 --> 01:01:22,476
(loud pounding)
1375
01:01:25,553 --> 01:01:28,348
(loud pounding)
1376
01:01:30,561 --> 01:01:32,287
What?!
1377
01:01:32,287 --> 01:01:34,088
- Gun!
- Alvin, wait.
1378
01:01:34,088 --> 01:01:35,270
(loud thud)
(screams)
1379
01:01:35,270 --> 01:01:37,183
(loud crash)
1380
01:01:37,183 --> 01:01:39,941
(Garrett coughs)
1381
01:01:42,961 --> 01:01:44,555
- Now, I'm going to poop on him.
1382
01:01:44,555 --> 01:01:46,037
- Alvin!
- Alvin!
1383
01:01:46,037 --> 01:01:47,037
- Ah, ah, Alvin!
1384
01:01:56,398 --> 01:01:58,474
- That is some
good coffee, Alvin.
1385
01:01:58,474 --> 01:01:59,712
That is some gourmet shit.
1386
01:01:59,712 --> 01:02:01,082
- I don't need you to tell me
1387
01:02:01,082 --> 01:02:02,264
how F-ing good my
coffee is, okay?
1388
01:02:02,264 --> 01:02:03,220
I know how good it is.
1389
01:02:03,220 --> 01:02:04,552
I'm the one who buys it.
1390
01:02:04,552 --> 01:02:07,085
Bonnie goes shopping,
she buys poop.
1391
01:02:07,085 --> 01:02:08,323
I buy the gourmet
expensive stuff
1392
01:02:08,323 --> 01:02:09,730
'cause when I drink
it, I wanna taste it.
1393
01:02:09,730 --> 01:02:11,286
But you know what's
on my mind right now?
1394
01:02:11,286 --> 01:02:12,675
It ain't the coffee
in my kitchen.
1395
01:02:12,675 --> 01:02:15,676
It's the dead
negro in my garage.
1396
01:02:15,676 --> 01:02:17,064
- What the hell?
1397
01:02:17,064 --> 01:02:19,034
Alvin--
- He's doing Pulp Fiction.
1398
01:02:19,034 --> 01:02:20,384
- What?
1399
01:02:20,384 --> 01:02:22,429
- Pulp Fiction, the kitchen
scene from Pulp Fiction.
1400
01:02:22,429 --> 01:02:23,705
Alvin, do you
remember everything?
1401
01:02:23,705 --> 01:02:25,599
- Pulp Fiction, directed
by Quentin Tarantino,
1402
01:02:25,599 --> 01:02:28,338
shot in 1993, released in 1994.
1403
01:02:28,338 --> 01:02:30,570
Alvin's seen the movie once.
1404
01:02:31,996 --> 01:02:33,122
- Watch.
1405
01:02:33,122 --> 01:02:34,409
Which wallet's yours?
1406
01:02:34,409 --> 01:02:36,754
- It's the one that
says Bad Mother F-er.
1407
01:02:36,754 --> 01:02:39,493
(laughing)
1408
01:02:39,493 --> 01:02:40,431
- That's amazing, Alvin.
1409
01:02:40,431 --> 01:02:41,444
That's my favorite movie.
1410
01:02:41,444 --> 01:02:43,432
Classic!
- Open it up.
1411
01:02:43,432 --> 01:02:45,158
- What?
- Take it out, count it.
1412
01:02:45,158 --> 01:02:46,452
How much is in there?
1413
01:02:46,452 --> 01:02:48,610
- Oh my god, he's
still doing it.
1414
01:02:48,610 --> 01:02:49,491
- Hey.
1415
01:02:49,491 --> 01:02:50,491
Alvin.
1416
01:02:50,491 --> 01:02:52,024
Here.
1417
01:02:52,024 --> 01:02:53,956
(gasps)
1418
01:02:55,457 --> 01:02:58,646
- We're ruh, ready
to be real cops.
1419
01:02:58,646 --> 01:03:00,448
- Yeah, no lying this time.
1420
01:03:00,448 --> 01:03:04,031
We want a real case, not
some publicity stunt.
1421
01:03:04,031 --> 01:03:05,700
- Hey, hey, you're
doing so well right now.
1422
01:03:05,700 --> 01:03:07,576
Why won't we just keep
everything as it is?
1423
01:03:07,576 --> 01:03:09,096
- I, I knew it.
1424
01:03:09,096 --> 01:03:10,671
Cool cop sold us out.
1425
01:03:11,516 --> 01:03:12,847
- Cool.
1426
01:03:12,847 --> 01:03:14,554
Have you met me?
1427
01:03:14,579 --> 01:03:17,124
I can't sleep
unless I'm hammered.
1428
01:03:17,124 --> 01:03:19,488
I steal, I cheat, I lie,
I do what I have to do,
1429
01:03:19,488 --> 01:03:21,082
which is what you
guys should do.
1430
01:03:21,082 --> 01:03:24,121
- You always take protection
money from drug dealers.
1431
01:03:24,121 --> 01:03:26,391
Once a conman, always a conman.
1432
01:03:26,391 --> 01:03:27,573
- You know what?
1433
01:03:27,573 --> 01:03:29,693
I took a job with
the melon heads.
1434
01:03:29,693 --> 01:03:32,338
One of them can't
reach a high shelf.
1435
01:03:32,338 --> 01:03:34,814
Another one can't say a word
with the letter B in it.
1436
01:03:34,814 --> 01:03:37,590
- Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh,
1437
01:03:37,590 --> 01:03:39,578
buh, buh, buh, buh, buh--
1438
01:03:40,554 --> 01:03:41,511
- Stop.
1439
01:03:41,511 --> 01:03:43,105
Don't hurt yourself.
1440
01:03:43,105 --> 01:03:44,812
Another one can't
chase a bank robber
1441
01:03:44,812 --> 01:03:46,726
unless he's got ramp access.
1442
01:03:46,726 --> 01:03:48,826
And this one is just a violent,
1443
01:03:48,826 --> 01:03:51,303
fetish-having Wikipedia page.
1444
01:03:52,428 --> 01:03:56,236
You can't teach the
disabled to be cops.
1445
01:03:56,236 --> 01:03:59,294
Just wear your badges,
smile for the kids,
1446
01:03:59,294 --> 01:04:01,339
cash your checks, and shut up.
1447
01:04:01,339 --> 01:04:03,177
- So it was a lie.
1448
01:04:03,177 --> 01:04:05,465
We were never gonna be cops?
1449
01:04:05,465 --> 01:04:07,808
Wow, you suck, sir.
1450
01:04:08,523 --> 01:04:12,592
- I thought you were a
good guy, geh, Garrett.
1451
01:04:12,592 --> 01:04:15,199
- You're a class A loser.
1452
01:04:15,199 --> 01:04:17,188
- Garrett lies.
1453
01:04:17,188 --> 01:04:18,463
Hitler lied.
1454
01:04:26,473 --> 01:04:27,880
- Okay.
1455
01:04:27,880 --> 01:04:30,544
I will talk to
the captain again.
1456
01:04:30,544 --> 01:04:32,495
And he'll say no again.
1457
01:04:34,202 --> 01:04:36,978
Get out of my home, melon heads.
1458
01:04:39,604 --> 01:04:42,437
(door thuds)
1459
01:04:45,532 --> 01:04:48,533
(laughs)
1460
01:04:48,533 --> 01:04:50,803
- Oh yeah, real cops,
badges and everything.
1461
01:04:50,822 --> 01:04:52,492
- They're trained.
1462
01:04:52,492 --> 01:04:53,492
They'd be amazing undercover.
1463
01:04:53,492 --> 01:04:55,605
Nobody would ever suspect them!
1464
01:04:55,605 --> 01:04:56,769
Look at what they
did at that school!
1465
01:04:56,769 --> 01:04:58,644
- I did tell you you
were fired, right?
1466
01:04:58,644 --> 01:05:01,683
You took unqualified rookie
cadets to a school shooting!
1467
01:05:01,683 --> 01:05:03,672
- The school
shooting came to us!
1468
01:05:03,672 --> 01:05:06,692
- You fired live
rounds into a school!
1469
01:05:07,799 --> 01:05:09,487
That is Olympic
level of stupid!
1470
01:05:09,487 --> 01:05:12,376
You are done, over,
and I am glad.
1471
01:05:12,376 --> 01:05:13,520
Give me your gun.
1472
01:05:14,495 --> 01:05:15,527
- Oh.
1473
01:05:15,527 --> 01:05:17,591
Er, hi, sorry to bug you guys.
1474
01:05:17,591 --> 01:05:18,754
- [Both] Margie, get out!
1475
01:05:18,759 --> 01:05:20,292
- Okay, but Detective
Fowler needs to be
1476
01:05:20,292 --> 01:05:21,905
at a press conference
in five minutes!
1477
01:05:21,905 --> 01:05:23,406
It's the mayor's orders.
1478
01:05:23,406 --> 01:05:25,826
Okay, let's move our heinies!
1479
01:05:28,489 --> 01:05:31,585
- I gotta go see the mayor.
1480
01:05:31,585 --> 01:05:33,817
- I want them in front
of the camera talking
1481
01:05:33,817 --> 01:05:35,618
about how great
this department is.
1482
01:05:35,618 --> 01:05:36,799
- Hell no.
1483
01:05:36,799 --> 01:05:38,506
They're about to be
undercover detectives.
1484
01:05:38,506 --> 01:05:40,626
We can't put their
pictures on television.
1485
01:05:40,626 --> 01:05:43,290
That would be, that
would be retarded.
1486
01:05:43,290 --> 01:05:43,965
- He's got a point, Mayor.
1487
01:05:43,965 --> 01:05:45,278
We can't do it.
1488
01:05:45,278 --> 01:05:46,310
- If you were
mayor, you'd do it.
1489
01:05:46,310 --> 01:05:46,967
- You're right. I'd do it.
1490
01:05:46,967 --> 01:05:48,130
- We can't do it!
1491
01:05:48,130 --> 01:05:51,506
- I want those little spazzies
in the pressroom in five
1492
01:05:51,506 --> 01:05:54,170
or I will set you both on fire!
1493
01:05:54,827 --> 01:05:55,827
(angry mumbling)
1494
01:06:04,737 --> 01:06:05,737
Give me 20.
1495
01:06:19,281 --> 01:06:20,281
- Good afternoon, everyone.
1496
01:06:20,281 --> 01:06:21,445
Thank you for being here.
1497
01:06:21,445 --> 01:06:22,445
Um.
1498
01:06:23,533 --> 01:06:27,260
I am pleased to announce
that the definition
1499
01:06:27,260 --> 01:06:29,380
of police officer
has changed today.
1500
01:06:29,380 --> 01:06:34,332
These officers are in disguise
to hide their identities.
1501
01:06:34,332 --> 01:06:37,803
Now, police work has
gone to the next level.
1502
01:06:38,816 --> 01:06:41,310
It's Detective 2.0.
1503
01:06:41,310 --> 01:06:45,737
Now these officers, they
may be considered disabled,
1504
01:06:45,737 --> 01:06:49,039
but that word has
a broad definition.
1505
01:06:49,039 --> 01:06:51,478
Uh, being emotionally vacant,
1506
01:06:52,584 --> 01:06:54,760
lacking in morals,
1507
01:06:54,760 --> 01:06:57,987
lying, could all be
considered disabilities,
1508
01:06:57,987 --> 01:07:02,508
but these officers right here
stopped a school shooting.
1509
01:07:02,508 --> 01:07:05,584
They are capable of
anything a normal,
1510
01:07:06,578 --> 01:07:09,130
morally bankrupt, alcoholicky,
1511
01:07:09,805 --> 01:07:11,531
impotent officer is.
1512
01:07:12,526 --> 01:07:13,754
This is Michael Pace.
1513
01:07:13,754 --> 01:07:15,324
He's responsible for
the school shooting.
1514
01:07:15,324 --> 01:07:18,023
He is a father going
through a bitter divorce.
1515
01:07:18,023 --> 01:07:21,809
Now, breakups, as we
all know, can be hard
1516
01:07:21,809 --> 01:07:25,020
and sometimes make you
psychotic and stupid,
1517
01:07:25,020 --> 01:07:28,273
but he is undergoing
psychiatric evaluation,
1518
01:07:28,273 --> 01:07:29,792
which I think is a great idea
1519
01:07:29,792 --> 01:07:32,390
when you have
darkness in your soul.
1520
01:07:32,390 --> 01:07:34,647
So we are here to congratulate
1521
01:07:34,647 --> 01:07:37,900
and thank these
very brave officers.
1522
01:07:37,900 --> 01:07:41,963
And I am pleased to introduce
their training officer.
1523
01:07:41,963 --> 01:07:43,430
Give him a hand.
1524
01:07:43,430 --> 01:07:46,375
(audience applauds)
1525
01:07:48,868 --> 01:07:49,771
- Hello.
1526
01:07:49,771 --> 01:07:51,485
Sorry for the disguises,
1527
01:07:51,485 --> 01:07:54,471
but we're trying to protect
the identities of our officers.
1528
01:07:54,471 --> 01:07:56,359
I'd like to take
the first question.
1529
01:07:56,359 --> 01:07:57,908
- A lot of people
are saying that
1530
01:07:57,908 --> 01:08:00,648
this is just a publicity tool.
1531
01:08:00,648 --> 01:08:01,910
- Really?
1532
01:08:01,910 --> 01:08:03,049
You think it's a publicity tool?
1533
01:08:03,049 --> 01:08:04,854
Why don't you ask an officer,
1534
01:08:04,854 --> 01:08:08,753
who is actually in a wheelchair,
if it's a publicity tool?
1535
01:08:08,753 --> 01:08:10,621
- Uh, do you mean
a publicity tool
1536
01:08:10,621 --> 01:08:13,299
like the moon landing or gluten?
1537
01:08:15,058 --> 01:08:16,387
Then no.
1538
01:08:16,387 --> 01:08:17,619
Thank you very much.
1539
01:08:17,619 --> 01:08:18,717
- Next question.
1540
01:08:18,717 --> 01:08:19,927
- Who's the toughest one?
1541
01:08:19,927 --> 01:08:21,867
I mean, the most capable.
1542
01:08:21,867 --> 01:08:24,965
I mean, you know, the
least disabledlessness.
1543
01:08:24,965 --> 01:08:27,910
- That, tha, tha,
tha, that would be me.
1544
01:08:27,910 --> 01:08:29,808
It was my idea
1545
01:08:29,808 --> 01:08:33,328
to go, go, go, go, go,
1546
01:08:33,328 --> 01:08:34,826
go, go,
1547
01:08:34,826 --> 01:08:38,612
go after the ta, ta, target
1548
01:08:38,612 --> 01:08:42,952
and my tea, tea, team
fuh, fuh, fuh, followed.
1549
01:08:42,952 --> 01:08:46,564
- Uh, buh, buh, buh,
buh, buh, buh, bullshit.
1550
01:08:46,564 --> 01:08:49,960
This idiot would be
dead if I weren't there.
1551
01:08:49,960 --> 01:08:51,910
- Huh, huh, huh,
huh, huh, huh, hey!
1552
01:08:51,910 --> 01:08:53,254
- Knock it off!
1553
01:08:53,993 --> 01:08:55,491
Any other questions?
1554
01:08:55,491 --> 01:08:58,589
- Obviously, there's
no team feeling yet,
1555
01:08:58,589 --> 01:09:00,467
but what does it feel like to be
1556
01:09:00,467 --> 01:09:02,786
the first disabled police squad?
1557
01:09:02,786 --> 01:09:05,364
- How does it feel
to be a reporter
1558
01:09:05,364 --> 01:09:07,929
after the internet
killed your job?
1559
01:09:07,929 --> 01:09:09,838
- Shut up!
- No, you shut up!
1560
01:09:09,838 --> 01:09:11,130
(shouting)
1561
01:09:11,130 --> 01:09:11,992
- Just shut it!
1562
01:09:11,992 --> 01:09:12,992
Just knock it off!
1563
01:09:12,992 --> 01:09:14,767
You guys gotta stop!
1564
01:09:14,767 --> 01:09:15,906
Knock it off, you guys!
1565
01:09:15,906 --> 01:09:17,733
Yeah, the mayor's
right here, you idiots!
1566
01:09:17,733 --> 01:09:19,591
(shouting)
1567
01:09:19,591 --> 01:09:20,591
- Hello!
1568
01:09:21,381 --> 01:09:22,577
Hello, hello.
1569
01:09:22,577 --> 01:09:23,911
Hello.
1570
01:09:23,911 --> 01:09:24,911
I'm Batman.
1571
01:09:25,824 --> 01:09:26,824
- Oh shit.
1572
01:09:27,737 --> 01:09:29,164
- First of all,
1573
01:09:29,164 --> 01:09:32,858
our nation cannot tolerate
discrimination of any kind.
1574
01:09:32,858 --> 01:09:34,715
That's why the Americans
with Disabilities Act is
1575
01:09:34,715 --> 01:09:37,906
so important and must
be honored everywhere.
1576
01:09:37,906 --> 01:09:41,661
It is a civil rights law
that's tearing down barriers.
1577
01:09:41,661 --> 01:09:43,488
Its purpose is to give
the disabled access
1578
01:09:43,488 --> 01:09:47,633
not only to buildings but to
every opportunity in society.
1579
01:09:47,633 --> 01:09:51,741
I strongly believe our nation
must give its full support
1580
01:09:51,741 --> 01:09:53,116
to the caregivers who
are helping people
1581
01:09:53,116 --> 01:09:56,872
with disabilities live
independent lives.
1582
01:09:56,872 --> 01:09:59,857
When we put our
minds to a problem,
1583
01:09:59,857 --> 01:10:02,638
we can usually find solutions.
1584
01:10:02,638 --> 01:10:07,389
But America has a tradition
many nations probably envy.
1585
01:10:07,389 --> 01:10:10,672
We frequently achieve
the impossible.
1586
01:10:10,693 --> 01:10:13,699
That's what got us from
one coast to another.
1587
01:10:13,699 --> 01:10:17,639
That's what got us the
largest economy in the world.
1588
01:10:17,639 --> 01:10:20,461
That's what got us to the moon.
1589
01:10:20,461 --> 01:10:22,554
President Roosevelt showed us
1590
01:10:22,554 --> 01:10:27,261
that a man who could barely
lift himself out of a wheelchair
1591
01:10:28,688 --> 01:10:32,720
could still lift a
nation out of despair.
1592
01:10:32,720 --> 01:10:36,794
And I believe it too, and
so does this administration.
1593
01:10:38,148 --> 01:10:41,227
The most important
principle FDR taught us:
1594
01:10:41,227 --> 01:10:45,526
America does not let its needy
citizens fend for themselves.
1595
01:10:48,133 --> 01:10:53,879
America is stronger when all
of us take care of all of us.
1596
01:10:55,787 --> 01:10:57,829
Giving new life to that ideal is
1597
01:10:57,829 --> 01:11:00,589
the challenge before us tonight.
1598
01:11:02,764 --> 01:11:04,738
I'm here to protect you.
1599
01:11:04,738 --> 01:11:05,949
Thank you very much.
1600
01:11:05,949 --> 01:11:06,949
I'm Batman.
1601
01:11:07,996 --> 01:11:10,808
(crowd applauds)
1602
01:11:23,244 --> 01:11:25,941
- That was the
most touching thing
1603
01:11:25,941 --> 01:11:28,783
I've ever heard in my life.
1604
01:11:28,783 --> 01:11:30,907
Is there anymore questions?
1605
01:11:32,703 --> 01:11:34,221
- Alvin.
1606
01:11:34,221 --> 01:11:36,109
What the hell was that?
1607
01:11:36,109 --> 01:11:36,988
That was incredible.
1608
01:11:36,988 --> 01:11:38,728
Brilliant.
1609
01:11:38,728 --> 01:11:42,196
- Christopher Reeve's,
Democratic National
Convention, 1996.
1610
01:11:42,196 --> 01:11:43,859
Superman couldn't walk.
1611
01:11:43,859 --> 01:11:44,859
- [Garrett] That's brilliant!
1612
01:11:44,859 --> 01:11:45,808
(Garrett laughs)
1613
01:11:45,808 --> 01:11:46,670
- You're touching me.
1614
01:11:46,670 --> 01:11:47,932
- Uh, oh, oh!
1615
01:11:47,932 --> 01:11:49,995
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry!
1616
01:11:49,995 --> 01:11:50,877
- It's okay.
1617
01:11:50,877 --> 01:11:52,549
I won't poop on you.
1618
01:11:54,920 --> 01:11:57,156
- Alvin, you gotta promise me
1619
01:11:57,156 --> 01:11:59,270
you're not gonna read
Hustler magazine anymore.
1620
01:11:59,270 --> 01:12:00,686
- Okay.
1621
01:12:00,686 --> 01:12:01,784
- Alvin.
1622
01:12:01,784 --> 01:12:02,892
Great job.
1623
01:12:02,892 --> 01:12:05,026
- Puh, puh, puh, puh, perfect!
1624
01:12:05,026 --> 01:12:07,037
- Pretty impressive, dumb ass.
1625
01:12:07,037 --> 01:12:09,849
They just might keep
us around after all.
1626
01:12:09,849 --> 01:12:12,917
So, do we get to be cops now?
1627
01:12:12,917 --> 01:12:15,862
- Fowler, in my office now.
1628
01:12:15,862 --> 01:12:17,083
- I think that's a no.
1629
01:12:17,083 --> 01:12:19,744
- [Sophie] This is bullshit!
1630
01:12:19,744 --> 01:12:23,161
(loud crash)
- Hey, Mayor!
1631
01:12:23,161 --> 01:12:28,145
Whatever you have to say, you
can say it to my partners.
1632
01:12:28,145 --> 01:12:29,027
- Oh.
1633
01:12:29,027 --> 01:12:30,617
Oh, okay.
1634
01:12:30,617 --> 01:12:32,813
Well, you little school
shooting stopping heroes,
1635
01:12:32,813 --> 01:12:35,820
you're going to go to every
school in my district.
1636
01:12:35,820 --> 01:12:37,000
You're gonna make that change
1637
01:12:37,000 --> 01:12:38,846
in every one of those
sweet little kids.
1638
01:12:38,846 --> 01:12:42,932
- So more of the same do
nothing fake cop crap?
1639
01:12:42,932 --> 01:12:44,132
Garrett!
1640
01:12:44,132 --> 01:12:45,200
- Yeah.
1641
01:12:45,200 --> 01:12:47,662
They stopped a mass shooting
1642
01:12:47,662 --> 01:12:51,725
and you wanna make them
clowns at kids' parties?
1643
01:12:51,725 --> 01:12:53,285
- I can't risk
them getting hurt.
1644
01:12:53,285 --> 01:12:55,703
That would be a public
relation nightmare for me.
1645
01:12:55,703 --> 01:12:56,493
- For you?
1646
01:12:57,457 --> 01:12:59,950
- Unless, Detective, you
would like to be fired
1647
01:12:59,950 --> 01:13:03,018
for bringing live weapons
into a gun-free zone.
1648
01:13:03,018 --> 01:13:06,093
- What a buh, buh, buh, buh,
1649
01:13:06,093 --> 01:13:08,381
buh, buh, buh, buh, buh--
1650
01:13:08,935 --> 01:13:10,731
- Stop.
1651
01:13:10,731 --> 01:13:12,054
Just finish it.
1652
01:13:12,054 --> 01:13:12,916
- Bitch.
1653
01:13:12,916 --> 01:13:13,799
(gasps)
1654
01:13:13,799 --> 01:13:15,235
- We earned our badges.
1655
01:13:15,235 --> 01:13:17,677
- Yes, you did, and you
will wear them proudly.
1656
01:13:17,677 --> 01:13:19,196
In the schools.
1657
01:13:19,196 --> 01:13:21,361
- She's right, guys.
1658
01:13:21,361 --> 01:13:23,988
We should just
proudly go back inside
1659
01:13:23,988 --> 01:13:26,142
and talk to all the reporters
1660
01:13:26,142 --> 01:13:28,430
and let them know how full
of shit our mayor really is.
1661
01:13:28,430 --> 01:13:29,430
- Oh, watch it!
1662
01:13:29,430 --> 01:13:31,262
- No, you watch it.
1663
01:13:31,262 --> 01:13:34,710
These guys did what only 3%
of the population could do.
1664
01:13:34,710 --> 01:13:36,916
They stopped a mass shooting.
1665
01:13:36,916 --> 01:13:38,096
They're cops.
1666
01:13:38,096 --> 01:13:39,952
They are my partners.
1667
01:13:39,952 --> 01:13:41,984
And I will walk
back in that room
1668
01:13:41,984 --> 01:13:44,724
and I will talk to any
reporter who'll listen
1669
01:13:44,724 --> 01:13:49,023
and tell them what the real
deal is with our mayor.
1670
01:13:49,023 --> 01:13:52,665
Or you can just give
them a real assignment.
1671
01:13:52,665 --> 01:13:55,702
- Or we take to
the press a story
1672
01:13:55,702 --> 01:14:00,135
about a condescending,
lying, deal-breaking mayor.
1673
01:14:00,135 --> 01:14:04,085
- Who screwed over a bunch
of little disabled heroes.
1674
01:14:04,085 --> 01:14:06,538
- Batman isn't needed here.
1675
01:14:06,979 --> 01:14:08,826
- I love these guys.
1676
01:14:08,826 --> 01:14:09,677
- [Morgan] Buh, buh, buh--
1677
01:14:09,677 --> 01:14:11,237
- All right, fine!
1678
01:14:11,237 --> 01:14:13,157
Fine, you are real cops,
1679
01:14:14,604 --> 01:14:16,348
but you will dance
for your badges.
1680
01:14:16,348 --> 01:14:19,909
- Oh, one more thing, you have
to take Garrett to dinner.
1681
01:14:19,909 --> 01:14:20,909
- [Both] What?
1682
01:14:20,909 --> 01:14:22,812
No!
- It's not negotiable.
1683
01:14:23,972 --> 01:14:24,972
- Fine.
1684
01:14:26,808 --> 01:14:29,920
Okay, Chick-fil-Loser, Tuesday.
1685
01:14:29,920 --> 01:14:31,973
And don't expect anything.
1686
01:14:33,224 --> 01:14:35,010
- You either.
1687
01:14:39,914 --> 01:14:41,085
Really, guys?
1688
01:14:42,049 --> 01:14:45,343
- [Announcer] You're
listening to KWRD The Word,
1689
01:14:45,343 --> 01:14:46,974
and coming up at
the top of the hour,
1690
01:14:46,974 --> 01:14:49,385
we have DJ Sully Stone who is
gonna be interviewing some
1691
01:14:49,385 --> 01:14:51,463
of Los Angeles's most special Police Officers!
1692
01:14:51,463 --> 01:14:52,396
- What we're gonna
do is we're just
1693
01:14:52,396 --> 01:14:54,028
kinda ease into this today.
1694
01:14:54,028 --> 01:14:55,916
I'm gonna talk to you all
about what it's like to be
1695
01:14:55,916 --> 01:14:58,461
an undercover cop in the
face of a disability.
1696
01:14:58,461 --> 01:14:59,743
Is that all right?
1697
01:14:59,743 --> 01:15:00,944
- Sure.
- Good. All right.
1698
01:15:00,944 --> 01:15:02,811
So let's go ahead and
put on our headsets.
1699
01:15:02,811 --> 01:15:04,340
All right, everyone good?
1700
01:15:04,340 --> 01:15:05,975
All right, let's get to it then.
1701
01:15:05,975 --> 01:15:09,638
Gonna count it down
in three, two...
1702
01:15:10,490 --> 01:15:12,121
All right!
1703
01:15:12,121 --> 01:15:16,389
You're tuned in to KWRD
The Word, all talk radio!
1704
01:15:16,389 --> 01:15:17,980
Sully in the house
with you here!
1705
01:15:17,980 --> 01:15:18,883
and Hoo-hoo!
1706
01:15:18,883 --> 01:15:20,288
Joining me in the studio today,
1707
01:15:20,288 --> 01:15:24,352
I have got an amazing group
of undercover police officers
1708
01:15:25,480 --> 01:15:28,066
and I have never seen
anything like this.
1709
01:15:28,066 --> 01:15:29,390
Mm, mm-mm!
1710
01:15:29,390 --> 01:15:32,818
Now they're cops, but I
feel like I just stepped
1711
01:15:32,818 --> 01:15:35,476
into a Final Fantasy video game!
1712
01:15:35,476 --> 01:15:37,872
I got my elf, my gargoyle,
1713
01:15:37,872 --> 01:15:40,940
my wizard on the
wheels, and a mutant!
1714
01:15:41,962 --> 01:15:43,840
- Thank you.
1715
01:15:43,840 --> 01:15:47,321
- What is it like to
be a police officer
1716
01:15:47,321 --> 01:15:50,115
and to serve the public?
1717
01:15:50,115 --> 01:15:52,095
- Uh, it's great.
1718
01:15:52,095 --> 01:15:55,118
We get to do something no
one's ever done before.
1719
01:15:55,118 --> 01:15:57,181
And being the first disabled--
1720
01:15:57,181 --> 01:15:58,536
- Yeah, that's what
I wanna talk about!
1721
01:15:58,536 --> 01:16:02,289
Do you prefer midget,
elf, or dwarf?
1722
01:16:02,289 --> 01:16:03,956
- Actually--
- I'm gonna hold that!
1723
01:16:03,956 --> 01:16:06,875
You're listening to KWRD
and we got the mutant cops!
1724
01:16:06,875 --> 01:16:07,875
This is Sully!
1725
01:16:07,875 --> 01:16:09,485
Oh my gosh, that
was great, guys.
1726
01:16:09,485 --> 01:16:10,944
Super opening.
1727
01:16:10,944 --> 01:16:12,466
- [Tara] Thank you.
1728
01:16:15,134 --> 01:16:16,468
- My god, you look so gorgeous.
1729
01:16:16,468 --> 01:16:19,018
- Relax, this is a
meal, not a future.
1730
01:16:19,018 --> 01:16:20,332
- I'm sorry what I did to us.
1731
01:16:20,332 --> 01:16:21,478
I should never have done it.
1732
01:16:21,478 --> 01:16:23,438
I screwed up our relationship
and you were everything to me.
1733
01:16:23,438 --> 01:16:24,876
You were my princess,
you were my queen,
1734
01:16:24,876 --> 01:16:27,023
you were my Beyonce.
1735
01:16:27,023 --> 01:16:28,023
- Garrett!
1736
01:16:28,023 --> 01:16:31,192
Again, this is
dinner, not foreplay.
1737
01:16:31,192 --> 01:16:33,110
I just wanted to
show my appreciation
1738
01:16:33,110 --> 01:16:37,675
for everything that you
did with the special ones.
1739
01:16:37,675 --> 01:16:40,906
- You don't know
their names, do you?
1740
01:16:40,906 --> 01:16:41,906
- Yes, I know their names.
1741
01:16:41,906 --> 01:16:42,906
- Really?
- Yes.
1742
01:16:42,906 --> 01:16:45,138
- Okay, so you have Mac.
- Mac.
1743
01:16:46,180 --> 01:16:49,015
- Uh-huh, and then
there's Morgan.
1744
01:16:49,015 --> 01:16:50,015
- Morgan.
1745
01:16:50,015 --> 01:16:50,621
Uh-huh, and there's Sophie.
1746
01:16:50,621 --> 01:16:51,788
- Sophie-ah.
1747
01:16:53,039 --> 01:16:54,560
- Ah, and then there's Al--
1748
01:16:54,560 --> 01:16:55,560
- Albert.
1749
01:16:55,560 --> 01:16:56,560
- Alvin.
1750
01:16:57,436 --> 01:17:00,975
(Garrett laughs)
1751
01:17:00,975 --> 01:17:03,455
I never thought I'd be
sitting across from you again
1752
01:17:03,455 --> 01:17:05,978
unless it was at my execution.
1753
01:17:05,978 --> 01:17:09,292
And I didn't think I
would say this either,
1754
01:17:09,292 --> 01:17:12,336
but I wanna thank you for
giving me this assignment,
1755
01:17:12,336 --> 01:17:15,984
job, whatever you
wanna call it 'cause,
1756
01:17:15,984 --> 01:17:19,965
have to be honest, those
guys, they're pretty amazing.
1757
01:17:23,488 --> 01:17:29,044
- So you're telling me the word
retard is offensive to you?
1758
01:17:29,044 --> 01:17:31,024
- Only if used as
an insult, like,
1759
01:17:31,024 --> 01:17:34,255
"I think the way you talk
on the radio is retarded,"
1760
01:17:34,255 --> 01:17:37,049
the way you think of
disabled people is retarded,
1761
01:17:37,049 --> 01:17:40,013
so hence, you would be a retard.
1762
01:17:40,013 --> 01:17:43,057
- You are not sounding
like this city's tiny,
1763
01:17:43,057 --> 01:17:45,162
little disabled heroes, hmm?
1764
01:17:45,162 --> 01:17:46,162
- Nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh--
1765
01:17:46,162 --> 01:17:47,351
- Let me get this straight,
1766
01:17:47,351 --> 01:17:50,999
you guys think retard is
the same as the N-word?
1767
01:17:50,999 --> 01:17:52,646
- Actually, if you've
read your history,
1768
01:17:52,646 --> 01:17:54,334
you would know that the US has
1769
01:17:54,334 --> 01:17:56,940
never enslaved disabled people.
1770
01:17:56,940 --> 01:17:58,149
- And they never would.
1771
01:17:58,149 --> 01:18:01,109
What about the Special Olympics?
1772
01:18:01,109 --> 01:18:02,298
- But it would have
made the competition
1773
01:18:02,298 --> 01:18:04,716
a lot more fierce, am I right?
1774
01:18:04,716 --> 01:18:06,237
- You motherfuck--
- We're gonna be back
1775
01:18:06,237 --> 01:18:09,313
right after this word
from our sponsors!
1776
01:18:09,313 --> 01:18:10,606
Phenomenal, guys.
1777
01:18:10,606 --> 01:18:11,606
Phenomenal.
1778
01:18:13,399 --> 01:18:14,671
- I had it all, man.
1779
01:18:14,671 --> 01:18:17,089
I had the golden
boobs and I blew it.
1780
01:18:17,089 --> 01:18:17,964
- Goose.
1781
01:18:18,882 --> 01:18:20,287
Golden goose.
1782
01:18:20,287 --> 01:18:21,496
- What'd I say?
1783
01:18:21,496 --> 01:18:22,496
- Boobs.
1784
01:18:23,559 --> 01:18:24,559
- That too.
1785
01:18:26,852 --> 01:18:29,459
And I know that you
gave me this job
1786
01:18:29,459 --> 01:18:34,400
because you wanted me to screw
it up so you could fire me.
1787
01:18:34,400 --> 01:18:37,360
You were right to think that.
1788
01:18:37,360 --> 01:18:39,715
I should've been fired.
1789
01:18:39,715 --> 01:18:41,495
- Garrett, what is this?
1790
01:18:41,495 --> 01:18:42,662
- It's the man I became
1791
01:18:42,662 --> 01:18:44,476
after the best thing
in my life left.
1792
01:18:44,476 --> 01:18:47,290
- Garrett, these
are drug dealers.
1793
01:18:47,290 --> 01:18:48,166
Top guys.
1794
01:18:48,937 --> 01:18:51,730
- And the numbers next to them
1795
01:18:51,730 --> 01:18:53,982
are what they paid
me for protection.
1796
01:18:53,982 --> 01:18:55,628
- How long have you
been doing this?
1797
01:18:55,628 --> 01:18:57,442
- Long enough to do time.
1798
01:18:57,442 --> 01:18:58,442
A lot of it.
1799
01:19:00,589 --> 01:19:03,016
And hey, I'll do it.
1800
01:19:03,683 --> 01:19:07,081
But I want you to promise
to make them real cops.
1801
01:19:07,081 --> 01:19:09,687
Real cops, that's all
the way want, Tara.
1802
01:19:09,687 --> 01:19:12,355
They just wanna be cops.
1803
01:19:12,355 --> 01:19:16,149
I can't even remember when
that was enough for me.
1804
01:19:16,149 --> 01:19:19,234
So if you'll do that,
I'll take the heat,
1805
01:19:19,234 --> 01:19:22,053
then I'll get out of your life.
1806
01:19:22,053 --> 01:19:23,700
- What kind of dumb
ass keeps records
1807
01:19:23,700 --> 01:19:25,806
of his criminal activity?
1808
01:19:25,806 --> 01:19:29,600
- The little heroes
put it together!
1809
01:19:29,600 --> 01:19:31,684
And I still have an out.
1810
01:19:31,684 --> 01:19:34,047
I would just say I was
long-term deep undercover
1811
01:19:34,047 --> 01:19:36,319
and then when the records
came out, that would just be
1812
01:19:36,319 --> 01:19:37,633
reasonable doubt.
- Reasonable doubt.
1813
01:19:37,633 --> 01:19:40,363
- There's my little prosecutor.
1814
01:19:40,363 --> 01:19:43,490
But I'm not gonna
cover my ass anymore.
1815
01:19:43,490 --> 01:19:45,304
- Burn this.
1816
01:19:45,304 --> 01:19:46,471
- No, I'm coming clean!
1817
01:19:46,471 --> 01:19:48,785
- Do you have any
idea what I had to do
1818
01:19:48,785 --> 01:19:50,786
to become mayor of Van Nuys?
1819
01:19:50,786 --> 01:19:53,563
Well, some of it
involves my boobs!
1820
01:19:57,148 --> 01:19:58,148
Hi.
1821
01:19:59,045 --> 01:20:02,443
- Look, I just want
you to know I'm sorry.
1822
01:20:02,443 --> 01:20:03,319
(groans loudly)
1823
01:20:03,319 --> 01:20:04,528
- God!
1824
01:20:04,528 --> 01:20:07,113
Stop saying that or I
will vomit right here!
1825
01:20:07,113 --> 01:20:08,822
Are you done with this?
1826
01:20:08,822 --> 01:20:09,822
- Yes.
1827
01:20:11,073 --> 01:20:12,845
Yes, I promise.
1828
01:20:12,845 --> 01:20:14,471
I called them and I told them.
1829
01:20:14,471 --> 01:20:16,681
I'm a real cop again.
1830
01:20:16,681 --> 01:20:19,161
Come on, I'm a real cop again.
1831
01:20:23,506 --> 01:20:24,746
- [Tara] Let's go to a movie
1832
01:20:24,746 --> 01:20:27,769
and get some popcorn
like we used to.
1833
01:20:27,769 --> 01:20:29,331
- I will get the car.
1834
01:20:29,331 --> 01:20:30,212
- Okay.
1835
01:20:30,212 --> 01:20:32,694
(laughs)
1836
01:20:32,694 --> 01:20:35,330
And I will get the check.
1837
01:20:35,330 --> 01:20:37,572
- Isn't this nothing
but a publicity ploy
1838
01:20:37,572 --> 01:20:39,294
by the mayor to get more votes?
1839
01:20:39,294 --> 01:20:41,216
- Wow, how insightful.
1840
01:20:41,216 --> 01:20:43,839
Don't you usually
interview strippers?
1841
01:20:43,839 --> 01:20:46,741
- Actually, no, your mom
hasn't been in recently, ha!
1842
01:20:46,741 --> 01:20:48,431
Hey, you better
listen up here, gimpy,
1843
01:20:48,431 --> 01:20:50,113
I got two million listeners
1844
01:20:50,113 --> 01:20:52,255
and an attitude like
that's gonna get you hurt.
1845
01:20:52,255 --> 01:20:53,255
- Morgan.
1846
01:20:53,255 --> 01:20:55,418
- Alvin, no, no, no.
1847
01:20:55,418 --> 01:20:56,418
- Caller, you're on the air.
1848
01:20:56,418 --> 01:20:57,681
What do you got for me?
1849
01:20:57,681 --> 01:20:58,681
- [Caller] This is a
question for the midget.
1850
01:20:58,681 --> 01:21:00,183
- Really?
1851
01:21:00,183 --> 01:21:01,773
- [Caller] Listen, is
Santa an asshole or not?
1852
01:21:01,773 --> 01:21:02,954
- That's a good question.
1853
01:21:02,954 --> 01:21:05,497
And also, do they get medical
in the Lollipop Guild?
1854
01:21:05,497 --> 01:21:06,497
- Alvin, now!
1855
01:21:07,998 --> 01:21:11,803
- We'll buh, buh, be
right ba, ba, back.
1856
01:21:11,803 --> 01:21:14,646
(Garrett whistling)
1857
01:21:15,747 --> 01:21:19,591
(loud thud)
(upbeat rock music)
1858
01:21:26,258 --> 01:21:30,333
(loud pounding)
- Open the door!
1859
01:21:30,333 --> 01:21:34,953
- Oh, Tara, this radio
douche bag is really a...
1860
01:21:34,953 --> 01:21:36,323
What?
1861
01:21:36,323 --> 01:21:38,338
(thudding)
1862
01:21:40,218 --> 01:21:41,695
Okay, where are you?
1863
01:21:42,985 --> 01:21:44,758
Okay, we'll be there
in just a second.
1864
01:21:44,758 --> 01:21:45,758
We gotta go!
1865
01:21:47,235 --> 01:21:50,265
(mumbling)
1866
01:21:55,691 --> 01:21:57,814
- Blood on the ground.
1867
01:21:57,814 --> 01:21:59,587
Size 13 shoe print.
1868
01:22:00,446 --> 01:22:01,446
Tire tracks.
1869
01:22:02,521 --> 01:22:05,685
He was knocked
out by a big dude.
1870
01:22:05,685 --> 01:22:07,511
They took his car.
1871
01:22:08,343 --> 01:22:09,552
(sniffs)
1872
01:22:09,552 --> 01:22:12,722
He had kale and goat cheese.
1873
01:22:12,722 --> 01:22:15,919
- If we can get the camera
feed, we can see who took him.
1874
01:22:15,919 --> 01:22:18,436
New security cameras
are wireless.
1875
01:22:18,436 --> 01:22:19,725
Easily hacked.
1876
01:22:19,725 --> 01:22:21,605
Well, if you're me.
1877
01:22:22,653 --> 01:22:24,884
- [Sophie] That's his car.
1878
01:22:24,884 --> 01:22:26,468
Who the hell is that?
1879
01:22:26,468 --> 01:22:28,349
- I don't know. I'm
gonna track him.
1880
01:22:28,382 --> 01:22:29,665
- How?
1881
01:22:29,665 --> 01:22:31,760
- The watch I gave
him has a GPS locator
1882
01:22:31,760 --> 01:22:33,882
and a short-range
Bluetooth microphone.
1883
01:22:33,882 --> 01:22:35,333
- Wow.
1884
01:22:35,333 --> 01:22:36,596
What else can it do?
1885
01:22:36,596 --> 01:22:38,180
- It's also a watch.
1886
01:22:39,174 --> 01:22:40,571
- Wow.
1887
01:22:40,571 --> 01:22:43,553
- Yeah, I also have
cameras at his apartment.
1888
01:22:43,553 --> 01:22:46,293
If you don't watch
everybody, you can get--
1889
01:22:46,293 --> 01:22:48,576
- Can we please just
go find Garrett?
1890
01:22:48,576 --> 01:22:50,698
- Yeah, let's find Garrett.
1891
01:22:50,698 --> 01:22:52,928
(groans)
1892
01:22:52,928 --> 01:22:56,501
- You're undercover
and you actually wear
1893
01:22:56,501 --> 01:22:58,247
a Van Nuys PD T-shirt?
1894
01:22:59,590 --> 01:23:01,900
- All my white ones
got puke on them.
1895
01:23:01,900 --> 01:23:04,586
(loud thud)
- You protect these guys?
1896
01:23:04,586 --> 01:23:07,004
You give them information,
but you try and bust me?
1897
01:23:07,004 --> 01:23:09,072
- I still have to
be a cop, right?
1898
01:23:09,072 --> 01:23:11,356
Someone has to go down.
1899
01:23:11,356 --> 01:23:14,633
You're the new guy, you get
the winning lottery ticket.
1900
01:23:14,633 --> 01:23:15,633
(loud thud)
(groans)
1901
01:23:15,633 --> 01:23:19,038
(Garrett coughs)
1902
01:23:19,038 --> 01:23:20,516
Ugh.
- And now you think
1903
01:23:20,516 --> 01:23:23,524
you're not gonna
help us anymore, ese?
1904
01:23:23,524 --> 01:23:26,990
No more protection from
Detective Garrett Fowler?
1905
01:23:26,990 --> 01:23:28,467
No way.
1906
01:23:28,467 --> 01:23:29,945
We own you, homes.
1907
01:23:29,945 --> 01:23:30,945
- Julio, with your
credit rating,
1908
01:23:30,945 --> 01:23:33,867
you really can't own anything.
1909
01:23:33,867 --> 01:23:35,532
(loud thud)
(groans)
1910
01:23:35,532 --> 01:23:36,392
God!
- We're not gonna
1911
01:23:36,392 --> 01:23:37,788
let you, homes.
1912
01:23:37,788 --> 01:23:39,024
Hm!
1913
01:23:39,024 --> 01:23:40,663
You're our inside guy.
1914
01:23:40,663 --> 01:23:42,033
We need you.
1915
01:23:42,033 --> 01:23:44,719
You keep helping
us, or you'll end up
1916
01:23:44,719 --> 01:23:47,056
like those two cops I
buried up in Barstow.
1917
01:23:47,056 --> 01:23:48,668
- [Garrett] Huh?
1918
01:23:48,668 --> 01:23:50,871
- Garrett, we've been
friends a long time.
1919
01:23:50,871 --> 01:23:53,046
Why you never not wanna
be my friend no more now?
1920
01:23:53,046 --> 01:23:55,948
- I think we can all
agree it's your grammar.
1921
01:23:55,948 --> 01:23:57,640
(loud thud)
(groans)
1922
01:23:57,640 --> 01:23:59,010
- Okay. You gotta gun?
1923
01:23:59,010 --> 01:24:00,279
- Nuh, nuh, no.
1924
01:24:00,279 --> 01:24:01,279
- [Sophie] Good.
1925
01:24:01,279 --> 01:24:03,580
- I got a nuh, knife.
1926
01:24:03,580 --> 01:24:04,580
- All right.
1927
01:24:05,675 --> 01:24:08,493
- Is that a new shotgun?
1928
01:24:08,493 --> 01:24:09,939
- Yeah.
1929
01:24:09,939 --> 01:24:11,779
Full assault.
1930
01:24:11,779 --> 01:24:14,928
Twice the load of my old one.
1931
01:24:14,928 --> 01:24:16,054
- Sexy.
1932
01:24:17,262 --> 01:24:22,682
(upbeat guitar music)
1933
01:24:26,615 --> 01:24:29,775
(upbeat guitar music)
1934
01:24:32,283 --> 01:24:33,584
(loud thud)
1935
01:24:33,584 --> 01:24:34,584
- Night, night.
1936
01:24:35,544 --> 01:24:36,743
- That was incredible.
1937
01:24:36,743 --> 01:24:37,796
How'd you do that?
1938
01:24:37,796 --> 01:24:40,057
- Pressure points.
1939
01:24:40,057 --> 01:24:43,483
(gasps)
Uh-oh.
1940
01:24:43,483 --> 01:24:45,620
(inhales loudly)
1941
01:24:45,620 --> 01:24:47,169
- That was incredible.
1942
01:24:47,169 --> 01:24:48,036
- Yeah.
1943
01:24:48,036 --> 01:24:51,164
(upbeat guitar music)
1944
01:25:11,512 --> 01:25:13,432
- What the hell is this?
1945
01:25:14,485 --> 01:25:16,994
- You put everything
in here, puto?
1946
01:25:16,994 --> 01:25:18,171
Everything we ever did?
1947
01:25:18,171 --> 01:25:20,153
Everything we ever paid you for?
1948
01:25:20,153 --> 01:25:22,011
What kind of dumb
ass keeps records
1949
01:25:22,011 --> 01:25:24,489
of all his criminal
activity like this?
1950
01:25:24,489 --> 01:25:26,471
- Once a cop, always a cop.
1951
01:25:26,471 --> 01:25:27,617
He was setting us up.
1952
01:25:27,617 --> 01:25:28,887
- No.
1953
01:25:28,887 --> 01:25:31,147
It was a gift for my girlfriend.
1954
01:25:31,147 --> 01:25:32,510
Ex-girlfriend.
1955
01:25:32,510 --> 01:25:34,059
- You gave your
girlfriend evidence
1956
01:25:34,059 --> 01:25:36,010
of our criminal activity?
1957
01:25:36,010 --> 01:25:37,682
- You know, I thought if
I gave her the evidence,
1958
01:25:37,682 --> 01:25:41,585
then I would go to jail and
she would love me again.
1959
01:25:44,929 --> 01:25:48,027
- Love is a fickle
mistress, homes.
1960
01:25:49,544 --> 01:25:53,114
I can say this, it was
good while it lasted, huh?
1961
01:25:53,114 --> 01:25:55,592
(elegant guitar music)
1962
01:25:55,592 --> 01:25:59,587
I remember when you called
me and you said we were over.
1963
01:26:01,383 --> 01:26:02,383
It hurt.
1964
01:26:03,684 --> 01:26:05,472
And you said you didn't
wanna see me anymore
1965
01:26:05,472 --> 01:26:08,197
and we should go
our separate ways.
1966
01:26:09,962 --> 01:26:12,812
And here I see
you with a folder.
1967
01:26:12,812 --> 01:26:14,546
A folder about us.
1968
01:26:20,585 --> 01:26:21,841
Go wash my car!
1969
01:26:23,854 --> 01:26:27,354
(upbeat guitar music)
1970
01:26:29,956 --> 01:26:33,300
And for that, you die, cop!
1971
01:26:36,924 --> 01:26:38,256
(loud thud)
- Police!
1972
01:26:38,256 --> 01:26:41,384
Freeze!
(guns firing)
1973
01:26:43,614 --> 01:26:45,503
Drop the weapons now!
1974
01:26:47,671 --> 01:26:50,118
(loud boom)
1975
01:26:55,630 --> 01:26:56,630
Holy hell.
1976
01:26:59,015 --> 01:27:00,015
- We heard gunshots!
1977
01:27:00,015 --> 01:27:01,732
- Was that gunshots?
1978
01:27:01,732 --> 01:27:02,732
- [Julio] Kill them!
1979
01:27:02,732 --> 01:27:04,085
- Not today!
1980
01:27:04,085 --> 01:27:08,004
(soft thud)
(screams)
1981
01:27:08,004 --> 01:27:09,004
- Ow!
1982
01:27:09,004 --> 01:27:10,234
Goddammit, Morgan!
1983
01:27:10,234 --> 01:27:11,597
- Sorry!
1984
01:27:11,597 --> 01:27:12,836
- What is this?
1985
01:27:12,836 --> 01:27:14,199
Maybe he's not a cop!
1986
01:27:14,199 --> 01:27:16,490
- LAPD, you are under arrest!
1987
01:27:17,822 --> 01:27:19,649
- A cripple, a
midget, and whatever
1988
01:27:19,649 --> 01:27:20,888
the hell is wrong with him?
1989
01:27:20,888 --> 01:27:22,901
This is your backup, Fowler?
1990
01:27:22,901 --> 01:27:24,326
He doesn't even have a gun!
1991
01:27:24,326 --> 01:27:26,184
- Fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh--
1992
01:27:26,184 --> 01:27:27,184
- Shut up!
1993
01:27:27,184 --> 01:27:28,693
You're dead, gimp!
1994
01:27:28,693 --> 01:27:30,056
- Alvin!
1995
01:27:30,056 --> 01:27:32,502
(gun firing)
1996
01:27:34,825 --> 01:27:38,665
- Their names are Mac,
Morgan, and Sophie.
1997
01:27:38,665 --> 01:27:39,904
My name is Alvin.
1998
01:27:41,112 --> 01:27:42,599
Nice to meet you.
1999
01:27:43,621 --> 01:27:46,067
(groans)
2000
01:27:46,067 --> 01:27:47,895
(laughs)
2001
01:28:03,675 --> 01:28:05,132
(screams)
2002
01:28:05,132 --> 01:28:08,547
(loud squish)
- Oh no!
2003
01:28:09,936 --> 01:28:10,936
Oh, now...
2004
01:28:15,052 --> 01:28:16,696
Now I'm pissed.
2005
01:28:16,696 --> 01:28:20,858
Alvin, if he moves, I want
you to shoot him in the eye.
2006
01:28:20,858 --> 01:28:21,858
- I got it.
2007
01:28:21,858 --> 01:28:22,936
- [Garrett] The left eye.
2008
01:28:22,936 --> 01:28:25,270
- My left or his left?
2009
01:28:25,270 --> 01:28:26,876
- Dealer's choice.
2010
01:28:30,102 --> 01:28:31,102
- My left.
2011
01:28:33,104 --> 01:28:36,908
- Well, Julio,
(laughs) looks like
2012
01:28:36,908 --> 01:28:40,758
you (groans) have four
attempted murder charges.
2013
01:28:40,758 --> 01:28:43,781
You're really
ambitious, aren't you?
2014
01:28:43,781 --> 01:28:47,753
- Well all that evidence,
is evidence against you too.
2015
01:28:47,753 --> 01:28:50,711
I hope you're in the
cell next to me, puto.
2016
01:28:50,711 --> 01:28:54,553
- Yeah, well, you'll
probably get your wish.
2017
01:28:55,534 --> 01:28:57,168
- Hey, Fowler.
2018
01:28:57,168 --> 01:28:59,243
(loud thud)
(groans)
2019
01:28:59,243 --> 01:29:01,302
Finally feel like a real cop.
2020
01:29:01,302 --> 01:29:02,777
- Yeah.
2021
01:29:02,777 --> 01:29:05,152
(chuckles)
2022
01:29:05,152 --> 01:29:06,152
Me too.
2023
01:29:07,246 --> 01:29:08,799
- [Officers] LAPD!
2024
01:29:09,861 --> 01:29:11,709
- All right, everybody, freeze.
2025
01:29:11,709 --> 01:29:12,592
Fowler!
2026
01:29:12,592 --> 01:29:14,302
- Captain, what the
hell are you doing here?
2027
01:29:14,302 --> 01:29:15,159
- Well, the mayor called.
2028
01:29:15,159 --> 01:29:16,668
What's going on?
2029
01:29:16,668 --> 01:29:18,816
- Bad guys doing bad guy stuff.
2030
01:29:18,816 --> 01:29:21,160
This whole place is
just full of evidence.
2031
01:29:21,160 --> 01:29:22,855
- So is that folder.
2032
01:29:25,048 --> 01:29:26,924
- Get them outta here.
2033
01:29:30,217 --> 01:29:32,659
- Uh, Captain, that's nothing.
2034
01:29:32,659 --> 01:29:33,911
That's just my evidence.
2035
01:29:33,911 --> 01:29:35,970
- Oh yeah, sure
looks like it is.
2036
01:29:35,970 --> 01:29:37,630
- Hey, where the hell's Alvin?
2037
01:29:38,677 --> 01:29:39,592
- I'm right here.
2038
01:29:39,592 --> 01:29:40,799
(belt buckle jingling)
2039
01:29:40,799 --> 01:29:43,613
- Alvin took those first three
guys out with Mac's help.
2040
01:29:43,613 --> 01:29:46,799
The two dead guys,
that was all Sophie.
2041
01:29:46,799 --> 01:29:49,072
This, I just got
stabbed in the shoulder.
2042
01:29:49,072 --> 01:29:51,690
- And that was all, all me.
2043
01:29:53,350 --> 01:29:54,858
- The hell is that smell?
2044
01:29:55,594 --> 01:29:57,938
And what is on his chest?
2045
01:30:03,894 --> 01:30:06,245
- That's our calling card, sir.
2046
01:30:06,245 --> 01:30:08,428
That's our calling card.
2047
01:30:13,994 --> 01:30:15,254
You're kinda disgusting.
2048
01:30:16,044 --> 01:30:17,044
- Yeah.
2049
01:30:19,015 --> 01:30:21,947
(slow rock music)
2050
01:30:36,717 --> 01:30:39,267
- [Captain] Oh, Fowler!
2051
01:30:42,818 --> 01:30:43,998
- Oh.
2052
01:30:43,998 --> 01:30:45,126
Sir, there it is.
2053
01:30:45,126 --> 01:30:47,291
Thank you--
- Fowler, do you know
2054
01:30:47,291 --> 01:30:50,102
when your faith
in God is renewed?
2055
01:30:50,102 --> 01:30:51,877
- Not even a little bit.
2056
01:30:51,877 --> 01:30:55,951
- When something happens
that you've been praying for.
2057
01:30:57,123 --> 01:30:58,952
Do you know what this is?
2058
01:30:58,952 --> 01:30:59,938
- Sir, it's--
2059
01:30:59,938 --> 01:31:01,411
- It's a 10-year prison sentence
2060
01:31:01,411 --> 01:31:05,835
for a cop who I knew was
dirty, but I couldn't prove it.
2061
01:31:05,835 --> 01:31:08,089
I've already called IA.
2062
01:31:08,089 --> 01:31:10,983
I might even put you
in custody tonight.
2063
01:31:10,983 --> 01:31:13,459
In fact, Garrett Fowler,
2064
01:31:13,459 --> 01:31:16,335
you have the right
to remain silent--
2065
01:31:16,335 --> 01:31:19,726
- Captain, I need Detective
Garrett right now!
2066
01:31:19,726 --> 01:31:21,943
The mayor called an
emergency press conference.
2067
01:31:21,943 --> 01:31:23,781
- Oh, Detective
Fowler's unavailable.
2068
01:31:23,781 --> 01:31:24,722
He's about to--
- Ooh!
2069
01:31:24,722 --> 01:31:25,722
She told me to grab this!
2070
01:31:25,722 --> 01:31:26,722
Thanks!
2071
01:31:33,894 --> 01:31:36,353
(laughs)
2072
01:31:45,717 --> 01:31:48,626
- I have to go see
the mayor again.
2073
01:31:53,348 --> 01:31:55,900
(door thuds)
2074
01:31:58,022 --> 01:31:59,484
(loud crash)
2075
01:31:59,484 --> 01:32:03,824
- This city owes a big debt
to the officers behind me.
2076
01:32:03,824 --> 01:32:05,475
They stopped a
menace to the city.
2077
01:32:05,475 --> 01:32:06,815
Let's give them a big hand.
2078
01:32:06,815 --> 01:32:09,354
(crowd applauds)
2079
01:32:12,842 --> 01:32:16,360
Now, these officers
stopped three drug dealers
2080
01:32:16,360 --> 01:32:20,665
that were terrorizing the city
of Van Nuys and its citizens.
2081
01:32:21,348 --> 01:32:23,202
Garrett Fowler has been working
2082
01:32:23,202 --> 01:32:26,095
this case for 10
years undercover.
2083
01:32:26,095 --> 01:32:28,980
The evidence is ironclad.
2084
01:32:30,196 --> 01:32:32,015
These criminals
are gonna go away
2085
01:32:32,015 --> 01:32:34,297
for a very, very long time.
2086
01:32:34,945 --> 01:32:38,087
Now, some criminals
never go to jail
2087
01:32:39,187 --> 01:32:42,333
for the horrible, horrible
things that they do,
2088
01:32:42,333 --> 01:32:45,395
but because of Detective
Fowler and his
2089
01:32:46,336 --> 01:32:47,336
partners,
2090
01:32:47,904 --> 01:32:50,831
Van Nuys is a safer
place to live.
2091
01:32:50,831 --> 01:32:52,269
Let's give them another hand.
2092
01:32:52,269 --> 01:32:55,100
(crowd applauds)
2093
01:32:55,100 --> 01:32:56,290
Yes, he is the best.
2094
01:32:56,290 --> 01:32:59,397
Just gets better and
better everyday, right?
2095
01:32:59,397 --> 01:33:00,914
- [Garrett] Yep,
better everyday.
2096
01:33:00,914 --> 01:33:02,246
- You two need to get a room.
2097
01:33:02,252 --> 01:33:05,006
- Wuh, wuh, wuh, we are.
2098
01:33:05,006 --> 01:33:08,143
- The underground bunkers are
placed around the country,
2099
01:33:08,143 --> 01:33:11,543
Denver Airport, under
Tesla Motors factory,
2100
01:33:11,543 --> 01:33:13,089
and Giant's Stadium.
2101
01:33:13,551 --> 01:33:15,983
Did they embed the
chip in your arm yet?
2102
01:33:15,983 --> 01:33:17,456
I cut mine out.
2103
01:33:17,456 --> 01:33:18,456
Here.
2104
01:33:18,456 --> 01:33:19,409
- Okay.
2105
01:33:19,409 --> 01:33:20,217
- Wait.
2106
01:33:20,971 --> 01:33:23,049
Wait, you can
check for yourself!
2107
01:33:23,049 --> 01:33:24,389
- Women.
2108
01:33:24,389 --> 01:33:27,159
Can't live with them,
can't live without them.
2109
01:33:27,159 --> 01:33:28,437
Can't bake cookies with them.
2110
01:33:28,437 --> 01:33:30,097
Can't take them
to men's bathroom.
2111
01:33:30,097 --> 01:33:31,097
- Hi Alvin.
2112
01:33:32,002 --> 01:33:33,465
- Hi Margie Pretty.
2113
01:33:34,193 --> 01:33:36,172
- Pretty's not my last name.
2114
01:33:36,172 --> 01:33:37,104
- Yes, it is.
2115
01:33:37,104 --> 01:33:38,019
(gasps)
2116
01:33:38,019 --> 01:33:39,019
- Wow.
2117
01:33:39,906 --> 01:33:43,551
- I canceled my subscription
to Hustler magazine.
2118
01:33:45,255 --> 01:33:47,146
- Okay. Okay.
2119
01:33:55,338 --> 01:33:56,338
- Oh, hi!
2120
01:33:56,978 --> 01:33:58,934
We are just so proud of you.
2121
01:33:58,934 --> 01:34:01,337
Is it okay if my son says hi?
2122
01:34:01,337 --> 01:34:04,639
- Hi, I'm Billy and I wanna
be a detective just like you!
2123
01:34:04,639 --> 01:34:06,033
And shoot bad guys!
2124
01:34:06,033 --> 01:34:07,505
Bang, bang, bang!
- Gun!
2125
01:34:07,505 --> 01:34:08,623
(loud thud)
2126
01:34:08,623 --> 01:34:11,801
(upbeat rock music)
2127
01:34:27,326 --> 01:34:29,374
- What the hell?
2128
01:34:29,374 --> 01:34:31,309
You guys working
with Make-A-Wish now?
2129
01:34:31,309 --> 01:34:33,466
(laughs)
2130
01:34:33,466 --> 01:34:36,017
LAPD is a carnival freak show!
2131
01:34:37,153 --> 01:34:38,858
The worst!
2132
01:34:38,858 --> 01:34:40,011
(loud thud)
2133
01:34:40,899 --> 01:34:43,127
(coughs)
- Good job, officers.
2134
01:34:43,127 --> 01:34:45,035
Have a safe night.
2135
01:34:45,035 --> 01:34:48,014
(upbeat rock music)
2136
01:34:52,124 --> 01:34:54,535
- The hell happened to the car?
2137
01:34:54,535 --> 01:34:56,009
- [Garrett] I upgraded.
2138
01:34:56,009 --> 01:34:57,388
- Badass.
2139
01:34:57,388 --> 01:34:58,533
- Morgan.
2140
01:34:58,533 --> 01:35:00,335
- Yeah?
- You're driving.
2141
01:35:02,040 --> 01:35:03,364
- Let's roll.
2142
01:35:06,266 --> 01:35:07,266
- Oh.
2143
01:35:08,509 --> 01:35:10,047
(Garrett sighs)
2144
01:35:10,047 --> 01:35:10,873
- Wait!
2145
01:35:11,681 --> 01:35:13,696
- God, you idiot.
2146
01:35:14,503 --> 01:35:17,610
(upbeat dance music)
2147
01:35:23,584 --> 01:35:25,957
- [Radio] Car 723,
officers are requesting
2148
01:35:25,957 --> 01:35:27,555
an investigative team.
2149
01:35:27,555 --> 01:35:30,093
2100, block of Hatteras,
cross street, Tujunga.
2150
01:35:30,093 --> 01:35:31,324
(siren wails)
2151
01:35:31,324 --> 01:35:33,445
- [Morgan] This
is Officer Morgan.
2152
01:35:33,445 --> 01:35:36,028
We, we have a, ha, ha, ha, ha--
2153
01:35:36,028 --> 01:35:37,551
- [Garrett] Give me that!
2154
01:35:37,551 --> 01:35:40,187
♪ Pain inside my heart
2155
01:35:40,187 --> 01:35:42,746
♪ Trouble stay on my mind
2156
01:35:42,746 --> 01:35:45,382
♪ Everything falls apart
2157
01:35:45,382 --> 01:35:48,080
♪ It's happening all the time
2158
01:35:48,080 --> 01:35:50,566
♪ Living by Murphy's Law
2159
01:35:50,566 --> 01:35:53,309
♪ Trying to have it all
2160
01:35:53,309 --> 01:35:56,016
♪ Running from instant karma
2161
01:35:56,016 --> 01:35:58,246
♪ Every man's bound to fall
2162
01:35:58,246 --> 01:36:00,421
♪ Life is short,
the grind is long
2163
01:36:00,421 --> 01:36:03,270
♪ Some of my very
best friends are gone
2164
01:36:03,270 --> 01:36:05,489
♪ My hustle's strong,
my money's all spent
2165
01:36:05,489 --> 01:36:08,072
♪ On buying bitches,
titties, and drugs and rent
2166
01:36:08,072 --> 01:36:10,673
♪ Work a double shift
grind, I can't save a dime
2167
01:36:10,673 --> 01:36:15,200
♪ My daughter needs
medicine I just can't afford
2168
01:36:15,200 --> 01:36:16,709
- He's also naked, so basically,
2169
01:36:16,709 --> 01:36:18,227
he came after me
with two hammers.
2170
01:36:18,227 --> 01:36:21,094
(laughing)
2171
01:36:21,094 --> 01:36:23,606
You guys, I gotta say
that after working
2172
01:36:23,606 --> 01:36:24,573
with you guys for four weeks,
2173
01:36:24,573 --> 01:36:26,571
I'm still pretty sure
you idiots are gonna get
2174
01:36:26,571 --> 01:36:28,097
me killed, but
2175
01:36:28,639 --> 01:36:29,668
I'm impressed.
2176
01:36:29,668 --> 01:36:31,097
- Damn right, you are.
2177
01:36:31,097 --> 01:36:32,056
- You should be.
2178
01:36:32,615 --> 01:36:34,009
- Hello, what would you like?
2179
01:36:34,009 --> 01:36:36,654
- I'm gonna have the
Baja Burrito and a Bud.
2180
01:36:36,654 --> 01:36:39,761
- May I say, you are
a saint for working
2181
01:36:39,761 --> 01:36:41,128
with these kind of people.
2182
01:36:41,128 --> 01:36:42,441
Them and their kind,
they have every right
2183
01:36:42,441 --> 01:36:44,066
to be out in public,
no matter how bad
2184
01:36:44,066 --> 01:36:45,761
they creep people out, yeah.
2185
01:36:45,761 --> 01:36:47,501
So what will they have?
2186
01:36:47,501 --> 01:36:51,513
- Fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh,
fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh,
2187
01:36:51,513 --> 01:36:54,620
fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh,
fuh, fuh, fuh--
2188
01:36:54,620 --> 01:36:55,800
- Stop it!
2189
01:36:55,800 --> 01:36:59,226
- Fuh--
- Stop your tantrum right now!
2190
01:36:59,226 --> 01:37:02,776
You guys, I am tired
of your tantrums.
2191
01:37:02,776 --> 01:37:06,761
I will not have you
guys destroy this place.
2192
01:37:06,761 --> 01:37:07,720
- Destroy?
2193
01:37:07,720 --> 01:37:10,543
- Yeah, I take them on
these trips all the time
2194
01:37:10,543 --> 01:37:12,327
to get them out in
public so they don't act
2195
01:37:12,327 --> 01:37:13,632
like those people like you said.
2196
01:37:13,632 --> 01:37:15,762
I know what you're
talking about.
2197
01:37:15,762 --> 01:37:18,363
And they have
trashed every place
2198
01:37:18,363 --> 01:37:21,532
I have taken them to,
and I am tired of it!
2199
01:37:21,532 --> 01:37:24,248
This is a very,
very, very nice lady,
2200
01:37:24,248 --> 01:37:27,629
and she does not need a bunch of
gimps
2201
01:37:27,629 --> 01:37:30,212
messing her place up!
2202
01:37:30,212 --> 01:37:32,085
- Oh my.
- Do you got it?
2203
01:37:32,085 --> 01:37:33,443
- Can you stop it?
2204
01:37:33,443 --> 01:37:36,399
- Well, as long as you don't
use their trigger word.
2205
01:37:36,399 --> 01:37:37,399
- What is it?
2206
01:37:40,239 --> 01:37:43,230
- Starts with an R
and ends with a D.
2207
01:37:43,230 --> 01:37:44,428
- All right, and D, R and D.
2208
01:37:44,428 --> 01:37:45,428
Oh, retard.
2209
01:37:48,047 --> 01:37:49,824
(screaming)
2210
01:37:49,824 --> 01:37:53,108
- You said it. You said it.
2211
01:37:53,108 --> 01:37:55,505
Why'd you say it? Don't say it!
2212
01:37:56,570 --> 01:37:58,141
- No. No, please.
2213
01:37:58,141 --> 01:37:59,517
Please, no. Please.
2214
01:37:59,517 --> 01:38:00,289
Oh! No!
2215
01:38:01,541 --> 01:38:02,428
No, please!
2216
01:38:02,428 --> 01:38:04,310
No, please stop!
2217
01:38:04,310 --> 01:38:05,189
Oh!
2218
01:38:05,189 --> 01:38:06,378
No! Oh!
2219
01:38:06,378 --> 01:38:07,603
No, please!
2220
01:38:07,603 --> 01:38:08,917
Please, no!
2221
01:38:12,207 --> 01:38:15,920
- Our kind are so unpredictable!
2222
01:38:16,249 --> 01:38:19,590
- Apologies for
our rude behavior.
2223
01:38:19,590 --> 01:38:23,043
- We were a, a, atrocious.
2224
01:38:23,371 --> 01:38:24,758
- Sorry.
2225
01:38:24,758 --> 01:38:27,395
- Yeah, I know
that everybody left
2226
01:38:27,395 --> 01:38:29,844
and they probably didn't tip.
2227
01:38:29,844 --> 01:38:32,463
So this, all of it, is for you.
2228
01:38:34,886 --> 01:38:38,331
Sorry you had to deal
with those people.
2229
01:38:44,198 --> 01:38:45,820
- You!
2230
01:38:46,272 --> 01:38:50,802
(car revs)
(tires screech)
2231
01:38:50,802 --> 01:38:53,749
You don't deserve
your own Olympics!
2232
01:38:55,586 --> 01:38:59,385
("Invisible man" by Cityzen)
151880
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