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00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,689
Who are the mentally retarded?
2
00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:26,984
About 800,000 with
disabilities are unemployed
3
00:00:26,985 --> 00:00:28,736
even though they're
able to work.
4
00:00:28,737 --> 00:00:29,945
In most communities,
5
00:00:29,946 --> 00:00:32,489
ambulance crews will not
handle disturbed people.
6
00:00:32,490 --> 00:00:34,867
Unemployment for
the disabled is discouraging.
7
00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:36,702
And speaking of jobs,
8
00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:38,746
most people if they
believe they are able
9
00:00:38,747 --> 00:00:41,665
to perform any
useful work at all,
10
00:00:41,666 --> 00:00:43,876
probably think of
them only in terms
11
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:47,004
of the most simple
manual operations.
12
00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:48,756
It is estimated that one million
13
00:00:48,757 --> 00:00:51,341
with a disability
can't find work.
14
00:00:51,342 --> 00:00:52,718
They told her to get out.
15
00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:54,762
Their ability to
learn will vary according
16
00:00:54,763 --> 00:00:56,764
to the training, experience,
17
00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:59,016
and personal dedication
of the teacher.
18
00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:01,351
They claim the DOJ
is looking into whether
19
00:01:01,352 --> 00:01:04,021
the school violated the
Federal Disabilities Act.
20
00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:05,856
People with
physical handicaps get to be
21
00:01:05,857 --> 00:01:07,649
even President of
the United States.
22
00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:09,068
Uh, I don't know what I said!
23
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:11,070
Uh, I don't remember!
24
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:12,821
When a policeman
gets hurt handling
25
00:01:12,822 --> 00:01:15,407
a mentally disturbed person,
26
00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:16,825
it's mostly because he has tried
27
00:01:16,826 --> 00:01:19,036
to handle the whole
deal by himself.
28
00:01:46,689 --> 00:01:49,650
♪ Everybody meets their maker
29
00:01:49,651 --> 00:01:52,778
♪ Everyone, they feel the fire
30
00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:55,656
♪ Everybody's on the taking
31
00:01:55,657 --> 00:01:58,700
♪ Everyone's a fucking liar
32
00:01:58,701 --> 00:02:01,662
♪ Everyone's another suspect
33
00:02:01,663 --> 00:02:04,665
♪ Everybody's on the run
34
00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:07,584
♪ Everybody fears the box and
35
00:02:07,585 --> 00:02:11,339
♪ Everyone respects the gun
36
00:02:19,722 --> 00:02:23,476
♪ Everyone respects the gun
37
00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:25,394
Woo.
38
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:29,606
They grew these boys in a lab.
39
00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:30,607
Steroids?
40
00:02:30,608 --> 00:02:31,942
I don't know.
41
00:02:31,943 --> 00:02:33,652
I'd have to feel
their nut sacks.
42
00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:35,070
Yeah. What?
43
00:02:35,071 --> 00:02:36,613
Yeah, Roids.
44
00:02:36,614 --> 00:02:40,492
Turns your testiculars
into tiny packing peanuts.
45
00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:42,453
Why do you know that?
46
00:02:43,913 --> 00:02:45,706
There's no good answer.
47
00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:46,832
You know, forget I asked.
48
00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:47,833
Okay.
49
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:53,839
Gentlemen.
50
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,465
Nice outfit.
51
00:02:55,466 --> 00:02:57,586
Now, do you prefer Darth or
the more formal Mr. Vader?
52
00:02:58,845 --> 00:02:59,970
Yeah, outfit's so black,
53
00:02:59,971 --> 00:03:04,558
you could have a civil
rights protest in your pants.
54
00:03:04,559 --> 00:03:06,352
Jerome, it's fine.
55
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,896
Welcome to Los Angeles.
56
00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:10,063
We're here to help you.
57
00:03:10,064 --> 00:03:12,399
Yeah, and why
should I trust you?
58
00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:13,859
Well, you shouldn't
'cause we're criminals,
59
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:17,905
but I want you to know, just
trust that you can trust us.
60
00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:21,491
I never trust trusting people.
61
00:03:21,492 --> 00:03:22,869
I'm not a truster.
62
00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:27,206
Well, this guy could
write greeting cards.
63
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:29,416
Now that we're all nice and
snugly, are we gonna do this?
64
00:03:29,417 --> 00:03:30,709
Yeah, he's right,
let's get to business.
65
00:03:30,710 --> 00:03:31,877
Deal's off.
66
00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:33,503
Because of a couple
of mild insults?
67
00:03:33,504 --> 00:03:35,797
My god, we got to drug dealer
with a self-esteem problem.
68
00:03:35,798 --> 00:03:37,078
If you want, we can pay in hugs.
69
00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:39,134
The deal's off.
70
00:03:39,135 --> 00:03:40,969
Come on, the truck
is right there waiting
71
00:03:40,970 --> 00:03:42,596
to get turned into money!
72
00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:43,722
Let's do this!
73
00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:46,600
Whoa!
See, I don't see a truck.
74
00:03:46,601 --> 00:03:47,768
I see cops.
75
00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:49,228
The hell are you babbling about?
76
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,481
Todd Parker, LAPD.
77
00:03:52,523 --> 00:03:55,234
Now, I didn't find
anything on you,
78
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,110
but that don't mean
you ain't a piggy too.
79
00:03:57,111 --> 00:03:58,654
You do have trust issues.
80
00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:01,824
Your step-mama
should've breastfed you.
81
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:03,910
Nobody move.
82
00:04:09,791 --> 00:04:12,125
Mother...
83
00:04:12,126 --> 00:04:13,877
You're a cop?
84
00:04:13,878 --> 00:04:15,796
You're a cop?
85
00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:22,511
What are you...
86
00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:25,013
Now, that's eight shots.
87
00:04:25,014 --> 00:04:28,016
That means I got just
enough to double tap you
88
00:04:28,017 --> 00:04:30,103
and that pleather jacket.
89
00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:33,063
What now?
90
00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:36,025
You're a cop.
91
00:04:37,568 --> 00:04:39,611
Oh, you're crazy.
92
00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:42,823
Either way, that's
bad for business.
93
00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:44,075
That's what now.
94
00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:48,870
Torch it.
95
00:04:48,871 --> 00:04:49,747
Oh no.
96
00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:50,748
No!
97
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,291
No! No!
98
00:04:56,170 --> 00:04:57,463
Fowler!
99
00:04:57,588 --> 00:04:58,506
Fowler!
100
00:04:58,506 --> 00:04:59,506
Wake up!
101
00:05:00,049 --> 00:05:01,258
Fowler!
102
00:05:01,259 --> 00:05:02,592
Fowler, wake up!
103
00:05:02,593 --> 00:05:04,052
Fowler!
104
00:05:04,053 --> 00:05:05,137
Captain.
105
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:06,722
Captain, arrest me right now.
106
00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:08,056
What?
107
00:05:08,057 --> 00:05:09,224
You got to arrest me right now.
108
00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:10,767
They got cameras
all over this place.
109
00:05:10,768 --> 00:05:11,893
You can make it look good.
Fowler, it's over.
110
00:05:11,894 --> 00:05:12,978
They're gone.
111
00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:13,979
I'm sorry, Captain.
112
00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:21,862
Captain, rough me up.
113
00:05:21,863 --> 00:05:23,103
You got to rough me up right...
114
00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:29,161
Perfect, that's...
115
00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:40,273
Next time, warn a guy
if you're gonna kick him
116
00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:41,733
in the backup singers.
117
00:06:41,734 --> 00:06:43,110
Sorry, Captain, I was trying
118
00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:45,362
to not blow cover
like dumb ass here.
119
00:06:45,363 --> 00:06:46,530
How is he?
How is he?
120
00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:48,115
He's shot, you piece of shit!
121
00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:49,282
I want him gone!
122
00:06:49,283 --> 00:06:50,242
You're out, Fowler!
123
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:51,368
I already called my union rep...
124
00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:52,744
Really, is that what you did?
125
00:06:52,745 --> 00:06:53,703
Fowler!
126
00:06:53,704 --> 00:06:54,955
Okay, fine.
127
00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:56,206
Let's talk about the master
128
00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:58,625
undercover officer
in front of us.
129
00:06:58,626 --> 00:07:01,920
You suck so bad, they
had a folder on you.
130
00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:03,046
They had your email.
131
00:07:03,047 --> 00:07:04,714
They had your
prostate measurements,
132
00:07:04,715 --> 00:07:06,007
which you should
probably check again
133
00:07:06,008 --> 00:07:08,051
while your head is
still up your ass!
134
00:07:08,052 --> 00:07:08,970
They had your address.
135
00:07:08,971 --> 00:07:10,303
They had your phone number.
136
00:07:10,304 --> 00:07:13,056
They had your ex-girlfriend's
sexual preference,
137
00:07:13,057 --> 00:07:15,142
and you know what, it ain't you!
138
00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:17,144
I saved your life tonight.
139
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:19,396
You're lucky that I shot
you in the leg and the vest,
140
00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:21,022
instead of the head!
141
00:07:21,023 --> 00:07:22,441
You wanna go?
142
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:23,817
I'll kill you right here,
143
00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:24,943
you piece of shit!
Let's go, bring it!
144
00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:26,153
Let me get up there!
Let's go!
145
00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:27,320
Come on, any time!
I'll kill you,
146
00:07:27,321 --> 00:07:28,447
you son of a bitch!
Any time, any time!
147
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:29,157
Let's do this!
I got you, Fowler!
148
00:07:29,158 --> 00:07:30,699
Right here!
149
00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:31,700
I'm gonna sock...
All you got, all you got!
150
00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:32,784
Yeah, watch this!
151
00:07:35,913 --> 00:07:36,913
Hey!
152
00:07:39,041 --> 00:07:42,420
What the hell is wrong with you?
153
00:07:44,797 --> 00:07:46,047
What?
Right.
154
00:07:46,048 --> 00:07:47,299
Enough of this.
155
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,300
Outside!
156
00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:57,350
I can't do this anymore.
157
00:07:57,351 --> 00:07:58,977
Well, then find
me a decent partner.
158
00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:00,937
Well, that's a
tall order, Fowler,
159
00:08:00,938 --> 00:08:02,939
because you're a violent,
arrogant douche bag
160
00:08:02,940 --> 00:08:04,816
that thinks about
nothing but himself.
161
00:08:04,817 --> 00:08:07,027
I like puppies.
162
00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:08,445
There's no one left.
163
00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:10,238
If I put you in
parking enforcement,
164
00:08:10,239 --> 00:08:11,907
you'd get shot by a meter maid.
165
00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:13,867
That baby wasn't mine.
166
00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:15,285
What?
She slept with anybody
167
00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:16,913
who had a nice car.
168
00:08:18,414 --> 00:08:21,291
You got a meter maid pregnant?
169
00:08:21,292 --> 00:08:23,169
You didn't know that.
170
00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:27,964
That cutie that works the
beach in Santa Monica?
171
00:08:27,965 --> 00:08:28,965
Mikayla?
172
00:08:28,966 --> 00:08:29,966
Monster Mikayla?
173
00:08:29,967 --> 00:08:31,426
She's as big as me.
174
00:08:31,427 --> 00:08:33,011
Just Mikayla, sir.
175
00:08:33,012 --> 00:08:36,306
And she has a thyroid
thing, like you.
176
00:08:36,307 --> 00:08:39,351
Aggravated by a cheesecake
thing, like you.
177
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:41,729
You really are a lowlife.
178
00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:44,357
Sir, what about my car?
179
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,357
It's 35 grand.
180
00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:48,902
Sir, am I on the precinct's
insurance or not?
181
00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:52,405
I'm gonna need
something from you guys!
182
00:08:52,406 --> 00:08:54,741
Go fuck yourself, Fowler!
183
00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:05,168
I can't do it.
184
00:09:05,169 --> 00:09:06,378
Say it's a demo.
185
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:07,255
It's not.
186
00:09:07,256 --> 00:09:08,838
That's why you say it.
187
00:09:08,839 --> 00:09:11,091
Because of that fight with
your wife was assault,
188
00:09:11,092 --> 00:09:13,927
but in my report,
I said it wasn't.
189
00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:16,221
Garrett, she
chased me with a bat.
190
00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:17,847
And she fell down the
stairs and got hurt,
191
00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:19,266
which, again, with my testimony,
192
00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:21,142
would totally be
seen as assault.
193
00:09:21,143 --> 00:09:22,352
She was drunk and on molly
194
00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:23,979
she got from her new girlfriend.
195
00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:26,815
Well, that means she's
part of the LGBT community,
196
00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:28,858
which makes her a hero.
197
00:09:28,859 --> 00:09:31,444
But it also means you
committed a hate crime.
198
00:09:31,445 --> 00:09:34,197
Oh my god, I feel
a tear coming on.
199
00:09:34,198 --> 00:09:35,074
Don't cry, Garrett.
200
00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:36,033
Hold it back, Garrett.
201
00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:38,327
Save it for... the jury.
202
00:09:39,287 --> 00:09:41,496
♪ Go on, honey,
shake your moneymaker
203
00:09:41,497 --> 00:09:44,082
♪ Baby I'm a sinner,
all I've done is wrong
204
00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:47,002
♪ Everybody clap your
hands, sing a simple song
205
00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:49,504
♪ Whiskey it spills
and we all get along
206
00:09:49,505 --> 00:09:52,173
♪ But Louis keep it real,
take a hit from the bong
207
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:57,554
♪ Three times a lady,
easy like Sunday morning
208
00:09:57,555 --> 00:10:00,265
♪ On and on until
the break of dawn
209
00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:03,018
♪ Hot butter on, say
what, the popcorn
210
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:05,604
♪ Yes, yes, y'all
and creditors calling
211
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:09,357
♪ Dow Jones falling,
push your chips all in
212
00:10:09,358 --> 00:10:10,359
Garrett.
213
00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:12,862
Garrett, Garrett.
214
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:20,952
Well, how's it going, sexy?
215
00:10:20,953 --> 00:10:22,370
It's Madam Mayor.
216
00:10:22,371 --> 00:10:23,496
Madam Mayor Sexy.
217
00:10:23,497 --> 00:10:25,248
Well, that's kinda
cocky, don't you think?
218
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:27,459
I heard you lost
another partner.
219
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:28,460
I didn't lose him.
220
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:29,461
I shot him.
221
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,255
Do you keep track of
all your ex-boyfriends?
222
00:10:32,256 --> 00:10:34,466
Hm-mm, just your ex-boyfriends.
223
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:36,468
See, I have to keep
track of the worst cop
224
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:38,970
so I can take out the trash.
225
00:10:38,971 --> 00:10:41,139
Tara, we were 10 years ago.
226
00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:42,432
You got to let go of this anger
227
00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:44,225
'cause it's making
your boobs droop.
228
00:10:44,226 --> 00:10:45,061
Watch it.
229
00:10:45,062 --> 00:10:47,437
We don't talk about
the mayor's boobs.
230
00:10:47,438 --> 00:10:49,022
I bet you do.
231
00:10:49,023 --> 00:10:49,732
It's fine.
232
00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:50,899
It's fine.
233
00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:53,234
I just had a meeting
with your captain.
234
00:10:53,235 --> 00:10:56,279
He's gonna help me
keep my city clean.
235
00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:57,990
Get rid of the scum.
236
00:10:58,949 --> 00:11:00,076
Be good, lover.
237
00:11:10,211 --> 00:11:13,004
I just smashed a Pinocchio!
238
00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:15,006
Do you know how
hard it is to get
239
00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:18,176
an actual authentic,
mini, ceramic, kiln fired
240
00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:20,345
in the fucking
Netherlands Pinocchio?
241
00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:21,930
Yes, sir, it's why
I started drinking.
242
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:24,516
You see, my therapist,
my therapist suggested
243
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:27,269
that I start to
collect figurines
244
00:11:28,312 --> 00:11:31,022
to help me with my stress.
245
00:11:31,023 --> 00:11:32,273
But it made me nuts.
246
00:11:32,274 --> 00:11:33,608
You know what I do now?
247
00:11:33,609 --> 00:11:34,609
I throw 'em!
248
00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:36,403
Because I feel better when I see
249
00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:38,238
their little heads crack open!
250
00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:40,323
Well, we are all glad
you're in charge, sir.
251
00:11:41,492 --> 00:11:43,284
Sit down!
252
00:11:43,285 --> 00:11:45,203
You got IA sniffing
all over this place
253
00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:48,081
because you shot your partner!
254
00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:49,666
Repeatedly!
255
00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:51,251
I should just shut you down!
256
00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:52,460
You can't shut me down
257
00:11:52,461 --> 00:11:53,962
'cause you can't make
something stick, sir.
258
00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:55,088
Oh yes, I can!
259
00:11:55,089 --> 00:11:56,464
And I don't give a donkey's sack
260
00:11:56,465 --> 00:11:59,384
that the mayor is
your ex-girlfriend.
261
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:00,552
There you go.
262
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:03,347
As per the mayor,
that's your new job.
263
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:08,643
Fairness and Disabilities Act.
264
00:12:08,644 --> 00:12:10,019
Handicapped cadets.
265
00:12:12,523 --> 00:12:13,982
Handicapped police officers?!
266
00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:20,196
Come on!
267
00:12:20,197 --> 00:12:21,364
Are you kidding me?
268
00:12:21,365 --> 00:12:24,952
We, the LAPD, are gonna
give wobblies guns?
269
00:12:25,661 --> 00:12:27,495
It was a pilot program.
270
00:12:27,496 --> 00:12:29,539
They passed all
their requirements,
271
00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:31,207
but nobody got put on the force.
272
00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:33,543
Three years later,
the ACLU sued.
273
00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:35,462
So, here we are.
274
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:38,131
Hey, very high test scores.
275
00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:39,716
Better than you.
276
00:12:39,717 --> 00:12:41,593
Technically, they're cops.
277
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:44,012
No, they're not cops.
278
00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:44,764
I'm a cop.
279
00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:46,765
Know how I know that?
280
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:49,684
Because I don't have to empty
my bag every three hours.
281
00:12:49,685 --> 00:12:51,144
I'm not doing this.
282
00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:53,229
I will not wipe drool
and spend three hours
283
00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:55,231
a day explaining ceiling fan.
284
00:12:55,232 --> 00:12:56,983
You are gonna do this!
285
00:12:56,984 --> 00:12:58,693
Or I am gonna put
you in a parking lot,
286
00:12:58,694 --> 00:13:02,697
chasing skateboarders
from a fucking golf cart!
287
00:13:02,698 --> 00:13:04,616
So I'm boned.
288
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:08,578
Like a skeleton
getting a lap dance.
289
00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:09,455
Ah, ha!
290
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:10,456
Don't you dare!
291
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:12,248
Only I get to do that.
292
00:13:12,249 --> 00:13:13,250
Put it down.
293
00:13:31,268 --> 00:13:33,645
♪ Praise your God,
Lord have mercy
294
00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:36,397
♪ My mother warned me,
my father cursed me
295
00:13:36,398 --> 00:13:38,483
♪ Grand design, time
to meet your maker
296
00:14:07,429 --> 00:14:09,682
It's okay. I hit some ice.
297
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:14,687
Do me a favor, park
it some place nice.
298
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:19,023
♪ Praise your God,
Lord have mercy
299
00:14:19,024 --> 00:14:21,651
♪ My mother warned me,
my father cursed me
300
00:14:21,652 --> 00:14:24,445
♪ Grand design, time
to meet your maker
301
00:14:24,446 --> 00:14:26,781
♪ Go on, honey,
shake your moneymaker
302
00:14:26,782 --> 00:14:29,659
♪ Baby, don't be lazy,
come get your paper
303
00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:32,161
♪ Go on, honey,
shake your moneymaker
304
00:14:32,162 --> 00:14:35,123
♪ Walk a little road, see
where it gonna take ya
305
00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:37,458
♪ Go on, honey,
shake your moneymaker
306
00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:56,311
Fowler!
307
00:14:58,439 --> 00:15:00,106
You look like fried ass.
308
00:15:00,107 --> 00:15:01,316
Yeah, because of this,
309
00:15:01,317 --> 00:15:03,151
I was up all night
flirting with suicide.
310
00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:04,527
Flirting?
311
00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:05,778
You got to follow through.
312
00:15:05,779 --> 00:15:07,488
All right, come on,
you ready for this?
313
00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:08,781
You know what, sir,
yeah, I'm ready for this.
314
00:15:08,782 --> 00:15:09,617
Sure. You know why?
315
00:15:09,618 --> 00:15:10,700
'Cause I was born ready!
316
00:15:10,701 --> 00:15:12,578
Holy shit.
317
00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:18,541
Make good choices.
318
00:15:21,545 --> 00:15:22,546
Morning!
319
00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:27,759
My name is Detective Fowler.
320
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,678
This is a police station.
321
00:15:30,679 --> 00:15:32,889
Today, we're gonna find out
322
00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:36,477
why you guys want to
be police detectives.
323
00:15:37,811 --> 00:15:40,813
Now, if you need to
go to the bathroom...
324
00:15:40,814 --> 00:15:42,690
Don't, don't, don't worry.
325
00:15:42,691 --> 00:15:46,861
We're all wuh, wuh, wuh,
wearing da, diapers.
326
00:15:46,862 --> 00:15:50,282
We can interview while
we puh, puh, pee.
327
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,744
Is that Pu-, puke on your shirt?
328
00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:56,663
Huh.
329
00:15:56,664 --> 00:15:58,581
I thought that
smell was you guys.
330
00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:04,629
Let's get started.
331
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:06,881
Okay, uh, well, you're up.
332
00:16:06,882 --> 00:16:08,508
Let's go, Evel Knievel.
333
00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:09,510
Yeah!
334
00:16:21,438 --> 00:16:22,647
Perfect.
335
00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:24,273
Why do you wanna be a detective?
336
00:16:24,274 --> 00:16:25,483
The word midget...
337
00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:28,569
I wanna take down bad guys!
338
00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:30,613
Pow, pow, pow!
339
00:16:30,614 --> 00:16:31,781
I'm offended!
340
00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:33,866
I outscored everyone
in the program!
341
00:16:33,867 --> 00:16:34,743
That's impressive.
342
00:16:34,744 --> 00:16:36,327
Fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh,
343
00:16:36,328 --> 00:16:38,830
fucking damn right
it's impressive.
344
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,915
What kind of mouthwash is that?
345
00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:42,250
Mexican.
346
00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:44,168
I'm just a pawn
in the 9/11 coverup.
347
00:16:44,169 --> 00:16:46,462
Well, I love your enthusiasm.
348
00:16:46,463 --> 00:16:47,755
When the shit goes down...
349
00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:52,343
I can mount a shotgun
to my wheelchair.
350
00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:56,514
And fire it by blowing into my...
351
00:16:59,601 --> 00:17:00,768
Tube.
352
00:17:00,769 --> 00:17:04,605
No one scored hoy,
ha, higher in cruh,
353
00:17:04,606 --> 00:17:06,442
cruh, cruh, cruh,
354
00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:08,277
cruh, cruh, cruh,
355
00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:10,487
cruh, cruh, criminology!
356
00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:16,493
Now I'm auditioning for
the defective detectives!
357
00:17:20,914 --> 00:17:23,291
Bureaucratic butt rangers!
358
00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:24,667
One more question.
359
00:17:24,668 --> 00:17:27,920
Yes, my penis still works.
360
00:17:27,921 --> 00:17:29,589
Okay, two more questions.
361
00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:30,590
Blow 'em up!
362
00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:32,383
Shoot them in the face.
363
00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:33,885
Can you do a wheelie?
364
00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:40,850
Yeah.
365
00:17:52,279 --> 00:17:53,946
Don't touch me.
366
00:17:53,947 --> 00:17:55,615
I don't like to be touched.
367
00:17:55,616 --> 00:17:57,242
It makes me weird.
368
00:17:58,702 --> 00:17:59,828
Define weird.
369
00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:05,500
Do you want me to crawl
370
00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:07,543
into your bed at night
and make you itch?
371
00:18:07,544 --> 00:18:09,879
Beep, bay beep, beep, beep,
372
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,632
bay beep, bay beep, beep, bee...
373
00:18:12,633 --> 00:18:13,634
Pow! Pow!
374
00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:15,510
Pow!
375
00:18:16,887 --> 00:18:19,223
No!
376
00:18:19,556 --> 00:18:21,265
This is bullshit!
377
00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:30,817
I know everything
in the whole world.
378
00:18:30,818 --> 00:18:33,737
Thank you for clearing that up.
379
00:18:42,412 --> 00:18:43,247
Hi!
380
00:18:43,248 --> 00:18:44,956
How did my Alvin do?
381
00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:45,957
Oh, he was great.
382
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:47,625
He didn't vomit or masturbate.
383
00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:49,877
You should be
really, really proud.
384
00:18:49,878 --> 00:18:52,046
Thank you for
giving them a chance.
385
00:18:52,047 --> 00:18:53,881
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
386
00:18:53,882 --> 00:18:55,007
I love the wobblies, honey.
387
00:18:55,008 --> 00:18:56,343
I'm fulfilled.
388
00:18:58,637 --> 00:18:59,887
Fowler!
389
00:18:59,888 --> 00:19:00,888
Ah!
390
00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:03,808
We got four yet?
391
00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:05,351
Three.
392
00:19:05,352 --> 00:19:06,894
And if that is the cream
of God's genetic misfires,
393
00:19:06,895 --> 00:19:08,855
then God is a vengeful prick.
394
00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:10,523
Really Old Testament.
395
00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:11,899
Cap.
396
00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:14,443
About Krasnov and Gutierrez,
well, we found their car
397
00:19:14,444 --> 00:19:16,737
and the underside was covered
with this red grainy mud.
398
00:19:16,738 --> 00:19:17,738
But no sign of them.
399
00:19:17,739 --> 00:19:18,948
Well, what'd the lab say?
400
00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:21,742
Dirt has a really high
percentage of magnesium and lye.
401
00:19:21,743 --> 00:19:23,661
Barstow and Richmond.
402
00:19:23,662 --> 00:19:24,954
What?
Barstow and Richmond,
403
00:19:24,955 --> 00:19:28,292
the soil is high in
lye and magnesium.
404
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:30,418
And dirt.
405
00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:31,836
Alvin knows everything.
406
00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:34,714
Yeah, he kept telling me
that over and over and over.
407
00:19:34,715 --> 00:19:36,716
He's read reference
books his whole life
408
00:19:36,717 --> 00:19:37,967
and has a photographic memory,
409
00:19:37,968 --> 00:19:41,345
so if he sees it,
he can't forget it.
410
00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:42,346
Huh.
411
00:19:42,973 --> 00:19:43,974
Aw.
412
00:19:44,975 --> 00:19:46,559
Fine.
413
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:47,560
We got four.
414
00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:53,774
Shoot him!
415
00:19:53,775 --> 00:19:56,736
He also read every martial
arts book he could find.
416
00:19:56,737 --> 00:19:58,654
He touched me Mama...
417
00:19:58,655 --> 00:20:00,656
Now, I'm going to poop on him.
418
00:20:00,657 --> 00:20:02,450
Sorry about that.
419
00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:04,702
His father also got him a
subscription to Hustler magazine.
420
00:20:04,703 --> 00:20:05,662
He read every one.
421
00:20:05,663 --> 00:20:07,413
Probably a mistake.
422
00:20:07,414 --> 00:20:08,581
Shoot him.
423
00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:09,708
Honey, look.
424
00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:14,713
Okay, we got four.
425
00:20:16,506 --> 00:20:17,506
Four?
426
00:20:18,508 --> 00:20:19,634
He almost killed me!
427
00:20:19,635 --> 00:20:20,968
I said we got four!
428
00:20:20,969 --> 00:20:23,429
Okay, Barstow and Richmond,
you two check it out.
429
00:20:23,430 --> 00:20:26,098
You, come in tomorrow sober
enough to fight Rain Man.
430
00:20:26,099 --> 00:20:27,808
You think he could count cards?
431
00:20:27,809 --> 00:20:29,728
Ah, you're a scumbag.
432
00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:31,646
Alvin!
433
00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:37,151
Hello?
434
00:20:37,152 --> 00:20:40,029
Hey, Madam Mayor Sexy.
435
00:20:41,031 --> 00:20:42,907
What do you want, Fowler?
436
00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:45,410
What I have always wanted.
437
00:20:47,996 --> 00:20:48,996
You.
438
00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:51,540
That is so sweet.
439
00:20:51,541 --> 00:20:52,917
You're still in charge with
the special little soldiers.
440
00:20:52,918 --> 00:20:54,085
Oh, come on, retards?
441
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:56,170
Tara, you gave me retards!
442
00:20:56,171 --> 00:20:59,465
They like the term
disabled, so use it.
443
00:20:59,466 --> 00:21:01,467
And, Fowler, make this work.
444
00:21:01,468 --> 00:21:02,802
Get me good press.
445
00:21:02,803 --> 00:21:06,639
Or you'll end up painting
houses in Sylmar.
446
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:07,641
I hate you.
447
00:21:08,642 --> 00:21:11,394
Well, then this worked
like it was supposed to.
448
00:21:11,395 --> 00:21:12,395
Goodnight.
449
00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:15,564
Tara, wait, no.
450
00:21:15,565 --> 00:21:16,899
Listen, you can't do this to me!
451
00:21:16,900 --> 00:21:18,943
Tara, I got to tell
you, look, look...
452
00:21:22,489 --> 00:21:23,948
Hello?
453
00:21:23,949 --> 00:21:24,950
Tara!
454
00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:35,043
God!
455
00:21:46,013 --> 00:21:47,805
You have too many
blue ones anyway.
456
00:21:50,934 --> 00:21:53,769
♪ My mother warned me,
my father cursed me
457
00:21:53,770 --> 00:21:56,230
♪ Grand design, time
to meet your maker
458
00:21:56,231 --> 00:21:57,231
♪ Come on, honey...
459
00:22:08,785 --> 00:22:11,079
Well, only 43 minutes late.
460
00:22:12,247 --> 00:22:13,914
Is it Black Friday
at the liquor store?
461
00:22:13,915 --> 00:22:16,959
Good morning, and no, I
am on a natural high and...
462
00:22:17,961 --> 00:22:19,128
Vicodin.
463
00:22:19,129 --> 00:22:19,921
Score!
464
00:22:19,922 --> 00:22:21,130
Good to see you, sir.
465
00:22:21,131 --> 00:22:23,550
And Vicodin caused Vietnam.
466
00:22:26,303 --> 00:22:27,720
Yeah.
467
00:22:27,721 --> 00:22:28,597
Yeah, okay.
468
00:22:28,598 --> 00:22:30,014
Listen, um, just so you know,
469
00:22:30,015 --> 00:22:31,932
you're the first retarded
squad in existence.
470
00:22:31,933 --> 00:22:34,018
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!
471
00:22:34,019 --> 00:22:36,020
Fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh,
fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh-
472
00:22:36,021 --> 00:22:37,021
Fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh-
473
00:22:37,022 --> 00:22:39,066
Fuh, fuh, fuh, fuck you!
474
00:22:40,275 --> 00:22:42,610
We're not ruh, ruh,
ruh, ruh, retarded!
475
00:22:42,611 --> 00:22:44,070
That's telling him!
476
00:22:44,071 --> 00:22:45,321
Finally!
477
00:22:45,322 --> 00:22:47,281
Hey, fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh...
478
00:22:47,282 --> 00:22:48,616
I got it!
479
00:22:48,617 --> 00:22:49,742
Don't drop a nut.
480
00:22:49,743 --> 00:22:50,993
I don't like fighting.
481
00:22:50,994 --> 00:22:52,620
Hey, sir, I think
some leadership
482
00:22:52,621 --> 00:22:54,163
and teamwork is in order.
483
00:22:54,164 --> 00:22:57,249
We all know this is just
an academic experiment
484
00:22:57,250 --> 00:23:00,544
to control and/or euthanize us.
485
00:23:00,545 --> 00:23:03,172
When do we get our
psychoactive medication?
486
00:23:03,173 --> 00:23:05,549
What?
I had it in basic.
487
00:23:05,550 --> 00:23:06,842
Kinda minty.
488
00:23:06,843 --> 00:23:10,805
Uh, guys, this is
gonna be really weird.
489
00:23:10,806 --> 00:23:11,889
For me.
490
00:23:11,890 --> 00:23:13,182
I mean, you guys have
never been normal,
491
00:23:13,183 --> 00:23:14,767
but I've never led
retards before...
492
00:23:14,768 --> 00:23:17,103
God, god, god, god, goddammit!
493
00:23:17,104 --> 00:23:18,771
You are so out of line!
494
00:23:18,772 --> 00:23:19,772
Yeah!
495
00:23:19,773 --> 00:23:22,149
And retard's not gonna cut it.
496
00:23:22,150 --> 00:23:24,903
I am a little person with a gun!
497
00:23:25,987 --> 00:23:27,279
She's right!
498
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:29,073
And I was normal.
499
00:23:29,074 --> 00:23:31,158
What the hell does
that mean, gimpy?
500
00:23:31,159 --> 00:23:34,328
There are 127 words to describe
people with disabilities.
501
00:23:34,329 --> 00:23:35,997
127.
502
00:23:36,832 --> 00:23:37,832
Eight.
503
00:23:37,833 --> 00:23:38,999
Nine.
504
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:40,376
Ten...
505
00:23:40,377 --> 00:23:41,545
All right.
506
00:23:42,587 --> 00:23:44,338
Okay, apologies.
507
00:23:44,339 --> 00:23:47,007
Today, we learn how
to be detectives!
508
00:23:47,008 --> 00:23:48,259
Hell yeah!
Finally!
509
00:23:48,260 --> 00:23:49,385
Excellent, sir.
510
00:23:49,386 --> 00:23:50,262
All right, we're gonna start
511
00:23:50,263 --> 00:23:51,679
with the basics of police work.
512
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:54,014
You know, tracking
cases, organization,
513
00:23:54,015 --> 00:23:56,058
mopping, dusting, picking
up my dry cleaning.
514
00:23:56,059 --> 00:23:57,309
What?
What?
515
00:23:57,310 --> 00:23:58,769
What?
What, what, what, what,
516
00:23:58,770 --> 00:24:00,771
what, what, what,
what, what, what?
517
00:24:00,772 --> 00:24:02,356
This is bull, bullshit.
518
00:24:02,357 --> 00:24:04,775
We're not ja, janitors.
519
00:24:04,776 --> 00:24:07,653
Yeah, and dry cleaning
is a Ponzi scheme.
520
00:24:07,654 --> 00:24:10,072
You are the worst
douche bag I've ever met.
521
00:24:10,073 --> 00:24:11,073
Douche bag?
522
00:24:11,074 --> 00:24:12,324
The hell is your problem?
523
00:24:12,325 --> 00:24:15,579
My problem is, I
live at ass level!
524
00:24:16,788 --> 00:24:18,164
Oh my god, I knew
this was gonna happen.
525
00:24:18,165 --> 00:24:19,874
I'm living in a
retard freak show!
526
00:24:27,716 --> 00:24:28,800
Knock it off!
527
00:24:32,929 --> 00:24:33,929
Okay. Okay.
528
00:24:34,890 --> 00:24:37,725
You know what,
you're not retards.
529
00:24:37,726 --> 00:24:41,645
As a matter of fact, you're
a spaz, a midget, a cripple.
530
00:24:41,646 --> 00:24:43,105
He's a retard.
531
00:24:43,106 --> 00:24:44,315
Does that bother you?
532
00:24:44,316 --> 00:24:46,442
Because it's what
everybody thinks.
533
00:24:46,443 --> 00:24:51,155
No matter what lame PC word we
use, retard is what we think.
534
00:24:52,741 --> 00:24:54,742
If you think handicapable
makes a difference,
535
00:24:54,743 --> 00:24:57,453
then you're extra
special retarded.
536
00:24:57,454 --> 00:25:00,456
Now, you guys signed up to
be undercover detectives,
537
00:25:00,457 --> 00:25:02,208
so either step up and do the job
538
00:25:02,209 --> 00:25:06,128
or step aside, go out there,
and be differently abled.
539
00:25:06,129 --> 00:25:07,880
Because after a
year on the force,
540
00:25:07,881 --> 00:25:09,465
dealing with scumbags,
crack addicts,
541
00:25:09,466 --> 00:25:12,051
murderers, and
family law attorneys,
542
00:25:12,052 --> 00:25:16,180
retard is gonna feel like
a warm hug from mama.
543
00:25:16,181 --> 00:25:18,891
I might be a re, re, retard,
544
00:25:18,892 --> 00:25:21,978
but you, sir, are
an a, a, a, asshole.
545
00:25:24,314 --> 00:25:27,775
And I have to live
with that every day.
546
00:25:27,776 --> 00:25:31,195
I don't get to say that
I have a nice deficiency.
547
00:25:31,196 --> 00:25:34,156
You know, I don't get to say
that I'm etiquette-challenged.
548
00:25:34,157 --> 00:25:36,117
I am an asshole.
549
00:25:36,660 --> 00:25:39,913
And nobody's building
me a goddamn ramp.
550
00:25:43,917 --> 00:25:46,377
Look, clean my office.
551
00:25:46,378 --> 00:25:48,128
Go through the evidence files.
552
00:25:48,129 --> 00:25:49,338
You see something I missed,
553
00:25:49,339 --> 00:25:52,049
a case you guys wanna
go after, we'll do it.
554
00:25:52,050 --> 00:25:53,884
You want to be cops?
555
00:25:53,885 --> 00:25:54,886
Show me.
556
00:25:59,933 --> 00:26:02,936
Why would an
asshole need a ramp?
557
00:26:07,190 --> 00:26:08,899
Is she busy?
558
00:26:08,900 --> 00:26:10,192
No, she's not.
559
00:26:10,193 --> 00:26:12,111
Good.
But she did tell me to say
560
00:26:12,112 --> 00:26:14,029
that if you showed
up, that I should call
561
00:26:14,030 --> 00:26:17,199
our tactical SWAT team and
one of them that has a sniper
562
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:19,952
that can hit you with a
bullet from the rooftop.
563
00:26:21,538 --> 00:26:23,455
So then we have
a couple minutes?
564
00:26:23,456 --> 00:26:24,332
No, wait.
565
00:26:24,333 --> 00:26:25,792
Detective Fowler!
566
00:26:27,168 --> 00:26:28,877
Seriously, Tara?
567
00:26:28,878 --> 00:26:30,254
Mongoloids?
568
00:26:30,255 --> 00:26:32,464
My mother's second
husband was from Mongolia.
569
00:26:32,465 --> 00:26:34,049
Exactly, retards.
570
00:26:34,050 --> 00:26:35,217
I'm sorry, Mayor.
571
00:26:35,218 --> 00:26:36,218
It's okay.
572
00:26:36,219 --> 00:26:38,429
Detective Fowler has
never had good manners.
573
00:26:38,430 --> 00:26:40,472
I am not the guy for this.
574
00:26:40,473 --> 00:26:43,058
Well, you're right,
but you are doing it.
575
00:26:43,059 --> 00:26:45,102
I couldn't spare
anyone with a soul.
576
00:26:45,103 --> 00:26:46,937
Listen, I have an
election coming up,
577
00:26:46,938 --> 00:26:49,148
so if this doesn't work
578
00:26:49,149 --> 00:26:51,525
and one of them gets
hurt, it's your fault.
579
00:26:51,526 --> 00:26:56,030
And the mayor will have to do
her job and crucify a bad cop,
580
00:26:56,031 --> 00:26:57,991
so it's like a win-win.
581
00:26:59,242 --> 00:27:01,827
No, for it to be a
win-win, I also have to win.
582
00:27:01,828 --> 00:27:04,038
No, I win twice!
583
00:27:04,039 --> 00:27:08,292
Do anything else to get
even with me, not this.
584
00:27:08,293 --> 00:27:10,919
This is so uncomfortable for me.
585
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:12,588
Yeah, well, I
think I'm gonna puke.
586
00:27:12,589 --> 00:27:14,590
My feelings for you, Fowler,
587
00:27:14,591 --> 00:27:18,177
have been dead and
buried for some time.
588
00:27:18,178 --> 00:27:19,928
I can fix that.
589
00:27:19,929 --> 00:27:21,263
Let's have sex one more time.
590
00:27:21,264 --> 00:27:22,348
Oh my god!
591
00:27:22,349 --> 00:27:23,474
I replaced you with batteries.
592
00:27:23,475 --> 00:27:24,267
Ouch!
593
00:27:24,268 --> 00:27:25,268
Go away.
594
00:27:26,353 --> 00:27:27,354
Sorry.
595
00:27:30,815 --> 00:27:31,940
We were in love once.
596
00:27:31,941 --> 00:27:33,400
Isn't that something?
597
00:27:33,401 --> 00:27:37,237
Yeah, until you were inside
someone covered with glitter!
598
00:27:37,238 --> 00:27:39,573
We are done, you get that?
599
00:27:39,574 --> 00:27:42,618
I was the best thing that
ever happened to you.
600
00:27:42,619 --> 00:27:43,994
Let's don't get crazy.
601
00:27:43,995 --> 00:27:45,537
The best thing that
ever happened to you!
602
00:27:45,538 --> 00:27:46,955
Okay. Get crazy.
603
00:27:46,956 --> 00:27:49,918
And you will never
get this again.
604
00:27:53,171 --> 00:27:56,507
So, now, go and train
those little heroes.
605
00:27:56,508 --> 00:27:57,883
They've never done
anything heroic!
606
00:27:57,884 --> 00:27:59,635
They're heroes!
607
00:27:59,636 --> 00:28:01,554
And you get me reelected.
608
00:28:02,806 --> 00:28:05,475
Or I will make an
example out of a
609
00:28:06,434 --> 00:28:07,434
very,
610
00:28:09,354 --> 00:28:11,105
very
611
00:28:11,106 --> 00:28:12,107
bad cop.
612
00:28:16,194 --> 00:28:17,194
Okay.
613
00:28:17,946 --> 00:28:18,946
Okay.
614
00:28:20,615 --> 00:28:21,615
Okay.
615
00:28:24,327 --> 00:28:25,327
Okay.
616
00:28:26,246 --> 00:28:27,246
Okay.
617
00:28:28,957 --> 00:28:29,957
Okay.
618
00:28:32,335 --> 00:28:33,378
Okay.
619
00:28:33,878 --> 00:28:34,878
Okay.
620
00:28:44,597 --> 00:28:46,473
I want you to know something.
621
00:28:46,474 --> 00:28:50,561
The man I have become
is 100% due to the fact
622
00:28:50,562 --> 00:28:53,940
that you were a
glacier in the bedroom.
623
00:28:55,108 --> 00:28:57,109
Your icy vagina ruined me.
624
00:28:57,110 --> 00:28:59,194
I had to name my penis Titanic.
625
00:28:59,195 --> 00:29:00,404
Wow, look at that.
626
00:29:00,405 --> 00:29:01,655
I insulted you and
complimented myself.
627
00:29:01,656 --> 00:29:03,532
Oh!
628
00:29:08,246 --> 00:29:10,915
That was a win-win.
629
00:29:14,294 --> 00:29:16,587
Uh, Mayor, you have a photo
op with the little cuties
630
00:29:16,588 --> 00:29:19,423
from Boy Scout,
troop 19 at 1:00 p.m.
631
00:29:22,093 --> 00:29:23,887
I'll push it to 1:30.
632
00:29:26,347 --> 00:29:27,431
Retards are gonna be cops.
633
00:29:27,432 --> 00:29:28,308
Great.
634
00:29:28,308 --> 00:29:29,184
Goddammit.
635
00:29:29,185 --> 00:29:30,309
Handicapable, my ass.
636
00:29:30,310 --> 00:29:32,186
Cops got to be perfect, you know?
637
00:29:32,187 --> 00:29:33,604
What's the matter, Fowler?
638
00:29:33,605 --> 00:29:36,064
You having trouble keeping
up with the Avengers?
639
00:29:37,192 --> 00:29:39,401
Yeah, Fowler, how
are the retards?
640
00:29:39,402 --> 00:29:40,569
Huh?
641
00:29:40,570 --> 00:29:43,614
You getting a lot of practice
wiping other people's butts?
642
00:29:43,615 --> 00:29:45,699
They like cheese puffs, right?
643
00:29:45,700 --> 00:29:48,118
Mongos love cheese puffs!
644
00:29:55,460 --> 00:29:57,462
Garrett's here.
645
00:30:00,048 --> 00:30:01,423
Wow.
646
00:30:01,424 --> 00:30:04,760
I was expecting
an insurance fire.
647
00:30:04,761 --> 00:30:05,762
Wow!
648
00:30:07,055 --> 00:30:10,349
Guys, I got to tell you,
I just got something.
649
00:30:10,350 --> 00:30:11,309
So did we.
650
00:30:11,309 --> 00:30:12,185
You said step up.
651
00:30:12,186 --> 00:30:13,685
We found a case.
652
00:30:13,686 --> 00:30:15,145
Definitely guilty.
653
00:30:15,146 --> 00:30:18,274
This guy's a real ass clown.
654
00:30:20,151 --> 00:30:21,360
What is it?
655
00:30:21,361 --> 00:30:23,779
Guys, these are my phone bills.
656
00:30:23,780 --> 00:30:24,780
And what?
657
00:30:26,699 --> 00:30:28,784
My car registration
for LA Dream Cars?
658
00:30:28,785 --> 00:30:32,538
You got a hell of a
deal on that Charger, sir.
659
00:30:32,539 --> 00:30:35,499
A new Hemi R/T is
worth what, 40 grand?
660
00:30:35,500 --> 00:30:38,126
And you puh, puh, paid nothing.
661
00:30:38,127 --> 00:30:41,755
And the salesman, Mike,
was up on a rape charge
662
00:30:41,756 --> 00:30:44,508
that got suddenly dropped.
663
00:30:44,509 --> 00:30:46,301
It was assault.
664
00:30:46,302 --> 00:30:47,678
It was a lease.
665
00:30:47,679 --> 00:30:48,637
Oops.
666
00:30:48,638 --> 00:30:50,264
We tracked some of
the phone numbers.
667
00:30:50,265 --> 00:30:51,807
The highlighted ones,
668
00:30:51,808 --> 00:30:54,560
you got some pretty
shady buddies, buddy.
669
00:30:54,561 --> 00:30:56,395
Are those drug
dealers your friends?
670
00:30:56,396 --> 00:30:57,688
Uh, they are my CIs.
671
00:30:58,773 --> 00:31:00,732
According to the
department, sir,
672
00:31:00,733 --> 00:31:02,568
they're not on your
informant list.
673
00:31:02,569 --> 00:31:03,861
You're supposed
to pay informants.
674
00:31:03,862 --> 00:31:06,530
Why are your
informants paying you?
675
00:31:06,531 --> 00:31:09,449
And your bank
account has some wuh,
676
00:31:09,450 --> 00:31:12,036
we, wuh, weird deposits.
677
00:31:12,579 --> 00:31:14,079
Who's Lou?
678
00:31:14,080 --> 00:31:15,414
I wanna know who Julio is.
679
00:31:15,415 --> 00:31:17,291
How the hell did
you get into my bank?
680
00:31:17,292 --> 00:31:18,625
Oh, it wasn't hard.
681
00:31:18,626 --> 00:31:20,962
Password, 2QUILA.
682
00:31:21,254 --> 00:31:22,629
All caps.
683
00:31:22,630 --> 00:31:23,714
How'd you get that?
684
00:31:23,715 --> 00:31:27,217
Logic, due diligence,
and you wrote it
685
00:31:27,218 --> 00:31:30,512
on a Post-it note
stuck to your computer.
686
00:31:30,513 --> 00:31:32,723
What kind of dumb
ass leaves records
687
00:31:32,724 --> 00:31:35,350
for his criminal
activity in his office?
688
00:31:35,351 --> 00:31:36,560
Just got the car.
689
00:31:36,561 --> 00:31:37,811
I just kinda threw
it in, you know?
690
00:31:37,812 --> 00:31:40,606
I didn't really even, oh, you
guys really did organize this.
691
00:31:40,607 --> 00:31:43,317
Chronologically and by how
much jail time you'll do.
692
00:31:43,318 --> 00:31:44,319
Well...
693
00:31:46,112 --> 00:31:47,654
Great job, guys.
694
00:31:47,655 --> 00:31:49,281
You are cadets in training
695
00:31:49,282 --> 00:31:52,576
and I put something out for
you to find, and you found it.
696
00:31:52,577 --> 00:31:53,619
What do you think you got here?
697
00:31:53,620 --> 00:31:55,204
A Dir, dirty cop?
698
00:31:56,080 --> 00:31:57,915
You re, retard.
699
00:31:57,916 --> 00:32:01,418
Those phone records connect
you to four convicted felons.
700
00:32:01,419 --> 00:32:03,754
The free car is
two tons of proof.
701
00:32:03,755 --> 00:32:06,632
Ah, they love cops in county.
702
00:32:06,633 --> 00:32:10,302
An average human colon can
smuggle three cellphones.
703
00:32:10,303 --> 00:32:13,555
Uh, guys, this
is just some phone bills
704
00:32:13,556 --> 00:32:15,223
and handwritten notes.
705
00:32:15,224 --> 00:32:16,725
It's not even evidence.
706
00:32:16,726 --> 00:32:18,018
Alvin.
707
00:32:18,019 --> 00:32:19,394
State of California
versus Terrence Phelps.
708
00:32:19,395 --> 00:32:21,939
Convicted and sentenced to 15
years based on phone records.
709
00:32:21,940 --> 00:32:23,649
State of California
versus Peter Mancuso.
710
00:32:23,650 --> 00:32:24,816
Convicted and sentenced
711
00:32:24,817 --> 00:32:26,568
to 15 years based on
handwritten notes.
712
00:32:26,569 --> 00:32:27,903
State of California
versus Michael Serapili...
713
00:32:27,904 --> 00:32:29,072
All right.
714
00:32:33,910 --> 00:32:34,827
What do you want?
715
00:32:34,828 --> 00:32:37,162
What we were promised.
716
00:32:37,163 --> 00:32:38,747
We wanna be cops.
717
00:32:38,748 --> 00:32:41,959
Yeah, and if you got in, it
should be a cake walk for us.
718
00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:45,837
But we wanna be real police
officers, no bullshit.
719
00:32:45,838 --> 00:32:49,883
Or you could smuggle cellphones
720
00:32:49,884 --> 00:32:53,096
in your ass for cigarettes.
721
00:32:53,930 --> 00:32:56,307
Three of them, beep boop beep.
722
00:32:57,183 --> 00:32:58,183
No.
723
00:32:58,184 --> 00:32:59,184
No.
724
00:32:59,185 --> 00:33:00,727
You guys can't be cops.
725
00:33:00,728 --> 00:33:01,646
You don't have the motor skills.
726
00:33:01,647 --> 00:33:02,647
You don't have the ability.
727
00:33:02,648 --> 00:33:04,648
Wrong, we are cops.
728
00:33:04,649 --> 00:33:06,400
We passed every test.
729
00:33:06,401 --> 00:33:10,278
This is discrimination and
you are the Ku Klux Klan!
730
00:33:11,948 --> 00:33:13,740
Not a chance.
731
00:33:13,741 --> 00:33:14,825
Great.
732
00:33:14,826 --> 00:33:16,910
Guys, let's go.
733
00:33:16,911 --> 00:33:20,330
If we can't be cops,
neither can you.
734
00:33:20,331 --> 00:33:23,834
Uh, Captain Wynn's
office is 113, right?
735
00:33:23,835 --> 00:33:25,293
Guys, wait, wait. No, don't.
736
00:33:25,294 --> 00:33:26,796
All right, all right, stop.
737
00:33:27,130 --> 00:33:29,007
God fucking...
738
00:33:29,632 --> 00:33:30,841
Seriously?
739
00:33:30,842 --> 00:33:31,843
Unbelievable!
740
00:33:32,677 --> 00:33:34,846
What a damn day!
741
00:33:35,847 --> 00:33:37,180
Fine!
742
00:33:37,181 --> 00:33:39,975
You want me to teach
you to be cops?
743
00:33:39,976 --> 00:33:43,645
Fine, but I'm gonna show
you how little you know!
744
00:33:43,646 --> 00:33:45,272
And the only reason
you guys are here
745
00:33:45,273 --> 00:33:48,316
'cause you're a bunch of
wobbly, gimpy spaz balls.
746
00:33:48,317 --> 00:33:52,863
And now I got to go find
a short bus with a siren!
747
00:33:52,864 --> 00:33:54,614
Unbelievable!
748
00:33:54,615 --> 00:33:55,991
God!
749
00:33:56,868 --> 00:33:57,868
Fuck!
750
00:33:58,661 --> 00:33:59,661
Perfect!
751
00:34:05,460 --> 00:34:06,877
I like his new attitude!
752
00:34:08,629 --> 00:34:11,339
This is the
department's firing range.
753
00:34:11,340 --> 00:34:14,509
Today, we're gonna
train like real cops.
754
00:34:14,510 --> 00:34:17,387
I am videotaping you all
with a high-speed camera
755
00:34:17,388 --> 00:34:19,848
to show you how bad you suck
756
00:34:19,849 --> 00:34:23,269
because I don't want
you to be real cops.
757
00:34:24,437 --> 00:34:25,854
Instead, I'd like you
guys to be working
758
00:34:25,855 --> 00:34:28,356
at a large box store,
greeting people,
759
00:34:28,357 --> 00:34:32,611
or making stuffed animals
in small windowless rooms.
760
00:34:33,863 --> 00:34:36,615
Is the box store shaped like
a box or does it sell boxes?
761
00:34:36,616 --> 00:34:37,784
Bu bu bu Bullshit!
762
00:34:38,910 --> 00:34:41,620
I've killed more
people than you!
763
00:34:41,621 --> 00:34:43,497
You are awful!
764
00:34:43,498 --> 00:34:44,499
Shut up!
765
00:34:48,503 --> 00:34:49,921
Now this
766
00:34:50,671 --> 00:34:51,671
is a bullet.
767
00:34:52,590 --> 00:34:56,885
On its own, it's inert,
docile, and unlikely to kill,
768
00:34:56,886 --> 00:35:01,723
but it needs its best friend,
the semiautomatic pistol.
769
00:35:01,724 --> 00:35:04,059
Now, a bullet
doesn't kill unless
770
00:35:04,060 --> 00:35:08,522
a semiautomatic pistol
makes it go very, very fast.
771
00:35:08,523 --> 00:35:11,775
But once you are holding a
loaded weapon in your hand,
772
00:35:11,776 --> 00:35:13,735
things change dramatically.
773
00:35:13,736 --> 00:35:17,824
Now, the gun becomes the
bullet and you become the gun.
774
00:35:18,866 --> 00:35:19,866
Got it?
775
00:35:20,743 --> 00:35:21,993
Sorry, am I the
gun or the bullet?
776
00:35:21,994 --> 00:35:23,120
You're the bullet!
777
00:35:23,121 --> 00:35:24,579
No, the gun is the bullet.
778
00:35:24,580 --> 00:35:25,540
He's the gun.
779
00:35:25,541 --> 00:35:26,665
I thought the gun was the gun.
780
00:35:26,666 --> 00:35:28,083
Oh, this is stupid!
781
00:35:28,084 --> 00:35:29,417
I get it.
782
00:35:29,418 --> 00:35:32,003
Can I get, get a nuh,
nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh,
783
00:35:32,004 --> 00:35:33,672
nuh, nuh, nuh,
784
00:35:33,673 --> 00:35:35,716
nuh, nuh, knife?
785
00:35:37,844 --> 00:35:39,512
Let's just shoot.
786
00:35:40,471 --> 00:35:41,471
Mac.
787
00:35:53,526 --> 00:35:54,985
Five out of six, not bad.
788
00:35:54,986 --> 00:35:56,403
You missed one.
789
00:35:56,404 --> 00:35:57,821
Here's how to remember it:
790
00:35:57,822 --> 00:36:01,576
Take your time and shoot
the guy in the spine.
791
00:36:08,875 --> 00:36:10,458
Sophie, you're up.
792
00:36:23,514 --> 00:36:25,891
Well, didn't hit one.
793
00:36:25,892 --> 00:36:27,893
Just shows no matter
how tough you are,
794
00:36:27,894 --> 00:36:29,519
she still can't
hit the broad side
795
00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:31,605
of a barn with another barn.
796
00:36:31,606 --> 00:36:32,856
There you go.
797
00:36:32,857 --> 00:36:36,026
At the end of the day, you've
got to learn what you're doing.
798
00:36:36,027 --> 00:36:37,903
And if you don't know
what you're doing,
799
00:36:37,904 --> 00:36:39,224
then you just got to stop talk...
800
00:36:50,625 --> 00:36:51,834
That's a pass.
801
00:36:56,422 --> 00:36:58,924
Alvin, pick your poison.
802
00:37:36,587 --> 00:37:39,965
Well, you only hit one,
but it was a killer.
803
00:37:39,966 --> 00:37:41,800
I hit all six.
804
00:37:41,801 --> 00:37:43,260
I only see one hole.
805
00:37:43,261 --> 00:37:44,762
Went through the same hole.
806
00:37:45,513 --> 00:37:47,931
Alvin, everybody
misses sometimes.
807
00:37:47,932 --> 00:37:49,350
I didn't miss!
808
00:37:50,810 --> 00:37:54,562
Listen, this Mongo
temper tantrum thing is
809
00:37:54,563 --> 00:37:56,189
not gonna work with me.
810
00:37:56,190 --> 00:37:58,566
You really think you put
them all through one hole?
811
00:37:59,235 --> 00:38:00,194
Fine.
812
00:38:00,195 --> 00:38:01,611
Let's go to the high-speed video
813
00:38:01,612 --> 00:38:03,614
and show you how
bad you really suck.
814
00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:13,708
I always win at the carnival.
815
00:38:18,087 --> 00:38:19,797
Morgan, you're up.
816
00:38:23,050 --> 00:38:25,803
Okay, I got you
framed up, buddy.
817
00:38:27,596 --> 00:38:30,849
Uh, can you control the,
okay, aim at the tar-, okay.
818
00:38:30,850 --> 00:38:32,767
Uh, you know what, Morgan,
you don't have to do this.
819
00:38:32,768 --> 00:38:35,854
You don't have to do this.
I got this.
820
00:38:40,276 --> 00:38:42,569
You shot me in the ear!
821
00:38:42,570 --> 00:38:43,195
You idiot!
822
00:38:43,196 --> 00:38:44,196
Ow!
823
00:38:44,197 --> 00:38:46,573
My ear is right next to
my head, you dumb ass!
824
00:38:46,574 --> 00:38:47,574
Ow!
825
00:38:47,575 --> 00:38:50,453
I asked for a nuh, nuh, knife!
826
00:38:53,539 --> 00:38:56,207
Online crime is a huge problem,
827
00:38:56,208 --> 00:38:59,627
and the LAPD is proud to be in
the frontline of cyber wars,
828
00:38:59,628 --> 00:39:02,297
international espionage,
and drug trafficking.
829
00:39:02,298 --> 00:39:03,715
But our bread and butter,
830
00:39:03,716 --> 00:39:07,553
where LA leads the
world, is in pedophiles.
831
00:39:09,263 --> 00:39:11,723
Is in catching pedophiles.
832
00:39:11,724 --> 00:39:13,808
Now, this isn't easy, kids.
833
00:39:13,809 --> 00:39:15,894
Takes a long time,
sometimes days, weeks,
834
00:39:15,895 --> 00:39:17,645
even months just to get...
Done.
835
00:39:21,734 --> 00:39:22,859
What the hell is this?
836
00:39:22,860 --> 00:39:24,152
NORAD.
837
00:39:24,153 --> 00:39:25,945
Do you want me to get
some launch codes?
838
00:39:25,946 --> 00:39:28,031
Long shot, but it'll
take me a bit of time.
839
00:39:28,032 --> 00:39:29,199
Turn it off!
840
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,076
It's okay, they can't see us.
841
00:39:31,077 --> 00:39:35,038
I've routed through 14
different international servers.
842
00:39:35,039 --> 00:39:36,707
They'll think we're North Korea.
843
00:39:37,583 --> 00:39:39,751
Warning, tracking
software detected.
844
00:39:39,752 --> 00:39:40,960
That's bad.
845
00:39:40,961 --> 00:39:42,087
Go, everybody
out, everybody out!
846
00:39:42,088 --> 00:39:43,088
Go, go, go, go, go!
847
00:39:43,089 --> 00:39:44,090
God!
848
00:39:51,013 --> 00:39:52,305
All right, I wanna
welcome you guys
849
00:39:52,306 --> 00:39:54,808
to the Van Nuys PD
investigative training room.
850
00:39:54,809 --> 00:39:58,812
Look around, observe, tell
me what you see, kids.
851
00:39:58,813 --> 00:40:01,272
Alvin, what do you got?
852
00:40:01,273 --> 00:40:03,108
It was bad.
853
00:40:06,904 --> 00:40:08,114
Very bad.
854
00:40:10,950 --> 00:40:12,075
Okay.
855
00:40:12,076 --> 00:40:13,368
Mac, what do you got?
856
00:40:13,369 --> 00:40:15,954
Love triangle, lying, cheating.
857
00:40:15,955 --> 00:40:17,997
Oh yeah, I've lived this.
858
00:40:17,998 --> 00:40:20,750
The woman shot first, of course!
859
00:40:20,751 --> 00:40:23,962
She winged this guy who loved
her more than life itself!
860
00:40:23,963 --> 00:40:25,755
But he was just half a man.
861
00:40:25,756 --> 00:40:29,634
And then when her other lover
tried to run because he can,
862
00:40:29,635 --> 00:40:31,094
she killed him.
863
00:40:31,095 --> 00:40:35,807
So no witnesses, but we
know what you did, Marie!
864
00:40:35,808 --> 00:40:38,769
Sick bitch shredded me!
865
00:40:42,857 --> 00:40:45,191
Well, that was
frightening and complicated.
866
00:40:45,192 --> 00:40:46,485
And totally inaccurate.
867
00:40:47,153 --> 00:40:49,070
Morgan, what do you got?
868
00:40:49,071 --> 00:40:52,824
Druh, drug deal
gone Ba, Ba, bad.
869
00:40:52,825 --> 00:40:56,286
That guy still has
crack in his hands.
870
00:40:56,287 --> 00:40:59,331
Everyone started
shooting at once
871
00:40:59,915 --> 00:41:02,959
and the last one alive wanted
872
00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:03,960
to make ID
873
00:41:04,753 --> 00:41:07,798
impa, pa, possible.
874
00:41:08,299 --> 00:41:11,759
Money, drugs left on the scene,
875
00:41:11,760 --> 00:41:15,097
we're looking for a
juh, juh, juh, junkie.
876
00:41:17,349 --> 00:41:20,351
That's exactly what
I had them set up.
877
00:41:20,352 --> 00:41:21,352
Oh my.
878
00:41:22,687 --> 00:41:24,014
You have a knack.
879
00:41:24,015 --> 00:41:26,490
But you know what, you
really shouldn't talk.
880
00:41:26,491 --> 00:41:28,122
All right.
881
00:41:28,123 --> 00:41:30,242
Sophie, what do you got?
882
00:41:30,243 --> 00:41:34,444
These guys are drug dealers
and junkies, right, Morgan?
883
00:41:34,445 --> 00:41:36,901
I'd buh, buh, bet on it!
884
00:41:36,902 --> 00:41:38,196
I know what he knows.
885
00:41:38,197 --> 00:41:40,260
I wanna know what you know.
886
00:41:41,179 --> 00:41:43,185
I think it's a suicide.
887
00:41:43,186 --> 00:41:44,968
What?
Crack head, junkie, murder,
888
00:41:44,969 --> 00:41:47,931
circle jerks, ain't
worth my time.
889
00:41:47,932 --> 00:41:50,239
I've got citizens to protect.
890
00:41:50,240 --> 00:41:53,879
Tag 'em, bag 'em, chuck
'em in a landfill.
891
00:41:56,261 --> 00:41:58,980
Gentlemen, take note.
892
00:41:58,981 --> 00:42:00,387
That's a cop.
893
00:42:00,388 --> 00:42:03,782
Welcome to the Van Nuys
Police Training Center.
894
00:42:03,783 --> 00:42:08,266
Today, I'll be your
instructor, Sensei Nick Kahana.
895
00:42:08,267 --> 00:42:10,310
I'm gonna be teaching you
how to defend yourself
896
00:42:10,311 --> 00:42:14,419
on the streets of Los Angeles,
which is not an easy feat.
897
00:42:14,420 --> 00:42:15,488
You!
898
00:42:15,489 --> 00:42:16,489
Get up.
899
00:42:22,111 --> 00:42:23,929
Come on!
900
00:42:48,936 --> 00:42:50,979
Garrett Fowler.
901
00:42:50,980 --> 00:42:53,344
Heard about your new job, bro.
902
00:42:55,745 --> 00:42:57,038
Rough.
903
00:42:57,039 --> 00:42:59,195
Everybody, this is Nick Kahana.
904
00:42:59,196 --> 00:43:01,409
Tell them the rest.
905
00:43:01,410 --> 00:43:03,454
Van Nuys PD hand-to-hand combat
906
00:43:03,455 --> 00:43:06,405
and martial arts
expert, Nick Kahana.
907
00:43:06,406 --> 00:43:09,557
Nick Kahana has
worked very hard,
908
00:43:09,558 --> 00:43:13,046
so Nick Kahana deserves respect.
909
00:43:13,047 --> 00:43:15,559
So which one of the
slow class, short bus,
910
00:43:15,560 --> 00:43:17,398
tending the rabbits dummies
911
00:43:17,399 --> 00:43:20,324
does Nick Kahana have
to take out first?
912
00:43:20,325 --> 00:43:22,482
Uh, uh, uh, uh, I'm good.
913
00:43:23,870 --> 00:43:26,571
Nick Kahana will take
out the biggest guy here.
914
00:43:26,572 --> 00:43:29,178
I already kicked
Garrett Fowler's ass.
915
00:43:29,179 --> 00:43:31,467
Choked him out like
I was his daddy.
916
00:43:31,468 --> 00:43:33,586
Remember that, Garrett Fowler?
917
00:43:33,587 --> 00:43:35,387
Yeah, Nick, I remember.
918
00:43:35,388 --> 00:43:40,171
It took me a couple weeks
to remember, but I remember.
919
00:43:40,172 --> 00:43:43,228
Hey, Alvin, do you want
some more training?
920
00:43:43,229 --> 00:43:45,592
I already know everything
in the whole world.
921
00:43:45,593 --> 00:43:50,225
Well, Nick Kahana is gonna
teach you something new.
922
00:43:50,226 --> 00:43:51,226
Okay.
923
00:44:12,512 --> 00:44:14,555
I like that last move.
924
00:44:14,556 --> 00:44:16,412
Why isn't he doing anything?
925
00:44:16,413 --> 00:44:17,632
Gotta touch him.
926
00:44:17,633 --> 00:44:18,633
Uh.
927
00:44:18,634 --> 00:44:20,520
Hey, Nick, maybe you shouldn't.
928
00:44:20,521 --> 00:44:21,384
Just touch him?
929
00:44:21,385 --> 00:44:22,528
Yeah.
930
00:44:22,529 --> 00:44:24,272
Come on, retard.
931
00:44:29,095 --> 00:44:31,814
Ooh!
932
00:44:54,099 --> 00:44:56,426
Night, night, Nick Kahana.
933
00:45:02,597 --> 00:45:04,491
Now, I'm going to poop on him.
934
00:45:04,492 --> 00:45:05,580
Alvin!
935
00:45:07,043 --> 00:45:10,175
Congratulations.
936
00:45:10,176 --> 00:45:14,358
Hey, Garrett, as much as
I don't trust you or the NRA
937
00:45:14,359 --> 00:45:16,234
or coconut water,
938
00:45:16,235 --> 00:45:19,029
I realize that
you've helped us all.
939
00:45:19,030 --> 00:45:21,355
Here, this is from everyone.
940
00:45:21,356 --> 00:45:25,445
And I disarmed the C4 under
your Charger, so no worries.
941
00:45:27,515 --> 00:45:30,396
That's mildly unnerving.
942
00:45:30,397 --> 00:45:31,397
Holy crap.
943
00:45:31,397 --> 00:45:32,397
It's a watch.
944
00:45:34,986 --> 00:45:36,399
Thanks.
945
00:45:36,400 --> 00:45:37,769
Good news is tomorrow,
946
00:45:37,770 --> 00:45:39,738
you guys get your
first real assignments.
947
00:45:39,739 --> 00:45:41,351
Yeah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
948
00:45:41,352 --> 00:45:44,597
I got to question though:
The hell do I call you guys?
949
00:45:44,598 --> 00:45:46,698
I like Spartacus.
950
00:45:46,699 --> 00:45:49,211
No, I just mean there's
so many different words.
951
00:45:49,212 --> 00:45:50,787
Disabled, differently abled.
952
00:45:50,788 --> 00:45:52,551
If it's not my name,
953
00:45:53,602 --> 00:45:56,508
you might as well call me gimp.
954
00:45:56,509 --> 00:45:57,509
Exactly.
955
00:45:58,597 --> 00:46:01,067
So you're cool with gimp?
956
00:46:01,068 --> 00:46:02,361
Well, you know what
my favorite is?
957
00:46:02,362 --> 00:46:04,425
Wobblies, that one has
the nice, light tone.
958
00:46:04,426 --> 00:46:06,338
It's kind of Muppety feel to it.
959
00:46:06,339 --> 00:46:07,339
Wobblies.
960
00:46:10,172 --> 00:46:12,229
I'll work on it when
I'm in the head.
961
00:46:14,236 --> 00:46:16,525
I got to go, go too.
962
00:46:18,288 --> 00:46:20,069
Hey, hey, make it look
like you're pissing,
963
00:46:20,070 --> 00:46:21,345
not jerking off.
964
00:46:21,346 --> 00:46:24,515
Garrett, what do I do, do?
965
00:46:24,516 --> 00:46:26,522
Hold your dick still,
buy a hose clamp.
966
00:46:26,523 --> 00:46:27,523
I don't know.
967
00:46:27,524 --> 00:46:29,374
No, about Sophie.
968
00:46:29,375 --> 00:46:31,118
Uh, I wouldn't touch her dick.
969
00:46:31,119 --> 00:46:33,275
She's giving me the vibe
970
00:46:33,276 --> 00:46:37,272
and would I get in trouble for,
for fooling around with her?
971
00:46:38,566 --> 00:46:40,385
No, dude, if you're
getting a vibe, what do I...
972
00:46:40,386 --> 00:46:41,386
Care.
973
00:46:41,387 --> 00:46:42,655
You know, go for it.
974
00:46:42,656 --> 00:46:46,256
And stop tap, tapping my foot.
975
00:46:46,257 --> 00:46:47,257
Hilarious.
976
00:46:55,643 --> 00:46:57,324
Wash your hands!
977
00:47:06,085 --> 00:47:10,117
I had a great time
with you tonight.
978
00:47:10,118 --> 00:47:12,237
Hey, you didn't stutter.
979
00:47:12,238 --> 00:47:14,602
Yeah, if I were an alcoholic,
980
00:47:15,577 --> 00:47:17,865
I could be pruh,
pruh, president.
981
00:47:19,742 --> 00:47:20,742
Mm.
982
00:47:21,599 --> 00:47:25,425
You know, Garrett,
he treats us like...
983
00:47:25,857 --> 00:47:27,882
Like real people.
984
00:47:27,883 --> 00:47:29,758
No kid gloves.
985
00:47:29,759 --> 00:47:31,840
Like, he's kind of a dick.
986
00:47:31,841 --> 00:47:34,223
Sophie, we are who we are.
987
00:47:35,349 --> 00:47:37,450
We screw up bad once,
988
00:47:38,181 --> 00:47:40,732
we go back to being the joke.
989
00:47:42,214 --> 00:47:44,578
I don't wanna be the joke.
990
00:47:45,328 --> 00:47:47,936
I don't wanna be the retard.
991
00:47:49,474 --> 00:47:53,057
And what I'm scared most of is
992
00:47:53,695 --> 00:47:56,509
not being seen at all.
993
00:47:59,472 --> 00:48:01,329
I see you, Morgan.
994
00:48:11,459 --> 00:48:14,703
Your mind is so sexy, Morgan.
995
00:48:14,704 --> 00:48:16,542
And the rest of me?
996
00:48:16,543 --> 00:48:19,393
That's pretty sexy too.
997
00:48:19,394 --> 00:48:20,913
Come here, big boy.
998
00:48:20,914 --> 00:48:22,526
Yeah!
999
00:48:29,711 --> 00:48:32,056
Oh my gosh, are you okay?
1000
00:48:32,694 --> 00:48:33,694
I'm good.
1001
00:48:37,858 --> 00:48:40,666
That's why I walk this way.
1002
00:48:51,490 --> 00:48:53,629
Captain, you all right?
1003
00:49:05,090 --> 00:49:07,303
You scared us, sir.
1004
00:49:07,304 --> 00:49:10,436
We're ruh, ready
to be cuh, cuh, cops.
1005
00:49:11,599 --> 00:49:14,393
Fowler, you got to stop!
1006
00:49:14,394 --> 00:49:15,838
You got to stop!
1007
00:49:15,839 --> 00:49:17,545
Okay, okay.
1008
00:49:17,546 --> 00:49:18,952
You wanna be real cops?
1009
00:49:18,953 --> 00:49:21,878
All right, well,
as per the mayor,
1010
00:49:21,879 --> 00:49:24,299
here is your new assignment.
1011
00:49:25,631 --> 00:49:30,583
Oh, I hate when he
says, "As per the mayor."
1012
00:49:37,242 --> 00:49:39,249
This is bullshit!
1013
00:49:43,752 --> 00:49:46,640
Get her out of my office.
1014
00:49:46,641 --> 00:49:47,641
Uh-oh.
1015
00:49:56,339 --> 00:49:57,339
Shut up!
1016
00:49:59,753 --> 00:50:03,748
Guys, sometimes you have
to do what you have to do.
1017
00:50:10,426 --> 00:50:11,664
Look, pigeon!
1018
00:50:11,665 --> 00:50:13,503
Shut up, Alvin!
1019
00:50:21,813 --> 00:50:23,950
We are not going in
there without protection.
1020
00:50:23,951 --> 00:50:25,676
This is not our
required equipment though.
1021
00:50:25,677 --> 00:50:27,758
The Mayor said we are the
face of the force.
1022
00:50:27,759 --> 00:50:29,953
Alvin, he's giving us guns.
1023
00:50:29,954 --> 00:50:31,810
Damn straight.
1024
00:50:31,811 --> 00:50:33,592
Listen, we are
about to enter one
1025
00:50:33,593 --> 00:50:35,825
of the most dangerous
places in America.
1026
00:50:35,826 --> 00:50:37,438
Anything can happen here
1027
00:50:37,439 --> 00:50:40,364
and to go in unarmed
would be suicide.
1028
00:50:40,365 --> 00:50:41,715
You guys got your game faces on?
1029
00:50:41,716 --> 00:50:42,616
Heck ya.
Yes!
1030
00:50:42,617 --> 00:50:43,948
Let's do this.
1031
00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:48,093
Do you know how bad
school was for me?
1032
00:50:48,094 --> 00:50:49,237
And me.
1033
00:50:49,238 --> 00:50:52,407
School is where most
lifetime psychosis is created.
1034
00:50:52,408 --> 00:50:54,827
Yeah, man, that's
why I became a cop,
1035
00:50:54,828 --> 00:50:56,422
to get even with
these douche bags.
1036
00:50:56,423 --> 00:50:59,367
I remember thinking, oh,
you pricks, if I had a gun.
1037
00:51:00,587 --> 00:51:01,544
I got better.
1038
00:51:01,545 --> 00:51:02,931
Went to the 10 year reunion,
1039
00:51:02,932 --> 00:51:05,895
everybody was all methy and
had these Walmart bodies.
1040
00:51:05,896 --> 00:51:07,733
I win.
1041
00:51:07,734 --> 00:51:09,103
Yeah, I loved school.
1042
00:51:09,104 --> 00:51:12,460
I was on track team,
volleyball, homecoming king,
1043
00:51:12,461 --> 00:51:14,805
debate team, gymnastics,
science club.
1044
00:51:14,806 --> 00:51:18,801
Oh, plus, I double teamed my
French and English teachers.
1045
00:51:18,802 --> 00:51:21,297
School was awesome!
1046
00:51:23,960 --> 00:51:24,955
Hey.
1047
00:51:24,956 --> 00:51:26,107
Little help here!
1048
00:51:26,108 --> 00:51:29,279
Call your English teacher.
1049
00:51:34,381 --> 00:51:38,075
Oh, aren't they just adorable!
1050
00:51:38,076 --> 00:51:39,783
They're police officers, ma'am.
1051
00:51:39,784 --> 00:51:41,828
Oh, come on, not really.
1052
00:51:44,098 --> 00:51:45,710
What do you want us to do?
1053
00:51:45,711 --> 00:51:47,380
Can the midget dance?
1054
00:51:47,381 --> 00:51:50,119
No, the midget can't dance.
1055
00:51:50,120 --> 00:51:53,139
But it can punch you in the box!
1056
00:51:53,140 --> 00:51:54,658
Oh my.
1057
00:51:54,659 --> 00:51:57,378
Sorry, she's a
little bit grumpy.
1058
00:51:57,379 --> 00:51:59,685
She was up late last
night making shoes.
1059
00:51:59,686 --> 00:52:03,550
Yeah, and my Cabbage Patch
underwear keeps riding up.
1060
00:52:03,551 --> 00:52:04,656
Okay.
1061
00:52:04,657 --> 00:52:07,470
I'll just introduce you.
1062
00:52:07,471 --> 00:52:09,084
Garrett, this is
bull, bull, bull...
1063
00:52:09,085 --> 00:52:10,085
I know!
1064
00:52:11,341 --> 00:52:14,861
Look, guys, just be
good cops, all right?
1065
00:52:14,862 --> 00:52:18,557
We'll go out there,
inspire the kids,
1066
00:52:18,558 --> 00:52:20,995
tell them to say no to
drugs and pedophiles,
1067
00:52:20,996 --> 00:52:24,766
and then we'll get drunk
and find a strip club, okay?
1068
00:52:24,767 --> 00:52:25,611
Yeah.
1069
00:52:25,612 --> 00:52:26,810
All right.
1070
00:52:26,811 --> 00:52:28,874
Kids, I know you're
eagerly anticipating,
1071
00:52:28,875 --> 00:52:32,757
so without further waiting,
I'd like to introduce some
1072
00:52:32,758 --> 00:52:36,266
of Los Angeles's finest
special officers.
1073
00:52:49,828 --> 00:52:50,828
Hey kids!
1074
00:52:56,681 --> 00:52:59,432
Uh, my name's Detective Fowler.
1075
00:52:59,433 --> 00:53:01,683
I'd like to introduce
you to the Special Unit
1076
00:53:01,684 --> 00:53:04,590
of the Los Angles
Police Department.
1077
00:53:04,591 --> 00:53:06,542
We are a team.
1078
00:53:07,987 --> 00:53:09,787
Let's hear it for Mac.
1079
00:54:01,561 --> 00:54:02,892
All right, yeah...
1080
00:54:02,893 --> 00:54:04,806
Follow that, Stretch.
All right, now,
1081
00:54:04,807 --> 00:54:07,901
let's meet our Special
Officer Sophie!
1082
00:54:07,902 --> 00:54:10,359
Watch this, little bitches.
1083
00:54:17,694 --> 00:54:19,081
Ta-da!
1084
00:54:21,089 --> 00:54:24,802
So now, let's
welcome Officer Morgan.
1085
00:54:24,803 --> 00:54:26,809
Alvin, give me your gun.
1086
00:54:26,810 --> 00:54:27,810
Okay.
1087
00:54:28,536 --> 00:54:30,617
No, no, no, no, give me the gun.
1088
00:54:30,618 --> 00:54:31,618
I got this.
1089
00:54:35,552 --> 00:54:37,108
Hi Kids.
1090
00:54:37,109 --> 00:54:38,572
Guns aren't cool.
1091
00:54:39,454 --> 00:54:41,141
They're awesome!
1092
00:54:45,757 --> 00:54:49,901
But you have to know
what you're doing.
1093
00:54:49,902 --> 00:54:50,902
Susie!
1094
00:54:51,534 --> 00:54:52,534
Michael!
1095
00:54:53,547 --> 00:54:56,242
We're going to Disney Land!
1096
00:54:56,243 --> 00:54:59,187
And your mother's
not coming with us!
1097
00:55:01,758 --> 00:55:02,758
Alvin.
1098
00:55:06,241 --> 00:55:07,666
Hello.
1099
00:55:07,667 --> 00:55:11,211
I know everything
in the whole world.
1100
00:55:11,212 --> 00:55:12,212
Oh yeah?
1101
00:55:12,213 --> 00:55:14,457
How about 5,842 times 280?
1102
00:55:17,496 --> 00:55:18,496
1,635,760.
1103
00:55:24,887 --> 00:55:27,813
We are trained professionals.
1104
00:55:27,814 --> 00:55:31,133
So, kids, don't do this at home.
1105
00:55:31,134 --> 00:55:33,328
Do it in the field.
1106
00:55:33,329 --> 00:55:36,179
Away from your parents.
1107
00:55:36,180 --> 00:55:39,068
Would you like to
see Alvin shoot
1108
00:55:39,069 --> 00:55:41,451
an apple off our boss's head?
1109
00:55:46,647 --> 00:55:49,404
Bite me, you big,
gimpy spaz ball..
1110
00:55:49,405 --> 00:55:51,112
He never misses.
1111
00:55:52,256 --> 00:55:55,425
So, uh, you're not gonna
shoot a gun in here, right?
1112
00:55:55,426 --> 00:55:57,226
Shoot it, shoot it...
1113
00:55:57,227 --> 00:55:58,839
Uh.
1114
00:55:58,840 --> 00:56:01,109
Uh, the bullets are
actually school-approved.
1115
00:56:01,110 --> 00:56:02,854
Shoot it, shoot it...
1116
00:56:02,855 --> 00:56:03,736
Use my gun.
1117
00:56:03,737 --> 00:56:05,086
I trust it.
1118
00:56:05,087 --> 00:56:07,900
Shoot it, shoot it, shoot it,
1119
00:56:07,901 --> 00:56:12,758
shoot it, shoot it, shoot
it, shoot it, shoot it,
1120
00:56:12,759 --> 00:56:17,636
shoot it, shoot it, shoot
it, shoot it, shoot it,
1121
00:56:17,637 --> 00:56:22,325
shoot it, shoot it, shoot
it, shoot it, shoot it,
1122
00:56:22,326 --> 00:56:24,839
shoot it, shoot it, shoot...
1123
00:56:33,037 --> 00:56:36,150
Guys, give it up
for the Special Unit!
1124
00:56:36,151 --> 00:56:39,902
She loves the men's
choir at the church,
1125
00:56:39,903 --> 00:56:42,397
especially the baritones!
1126
00:56:42,398 --> 00:56:46,468
Kids, we're going some
place, to Disney Land!
1127
00:56:47,763 --> 00:56:48,763
Someone's shooting!
1128
00:56:48,764 --> 00:56:50,745
I've got this.
1129
00:56:50,746 --> 00:56:52,715
Kids, lockdown drill!
1130
00:56:53,259 --> 00:56:54,535
Now!
1131
00:56:59,393 --> 00:57:03,294
Well, thank God we're not
destroying their innocence.
1132
00:57:03,295 --> 00:57:04,476
Morgan, call it in.
1133
00:57:04,477 --> 00:57:06,877
This is Officer Morgan.
1134
00:57:06,878 --> 00:57:11,417
We, we have a, a, a, a, have
a shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo...
1135
00:57:11,418 --> 00:57:12,693
Give me that!
1136
00:57:13,931 --> 00:57:15,356
It's Officer Garrett Fowler.
1137
00:57:15,357 --> 00:57:17,795
We have a 246 at the Anne
Frank Elementary School.
1138
00:57:17,796 --> 00:57:21,021
Send SWAT, send a helicopter,
everything you got.
1139
00:57:21,022 --> 00:57:23,328
Learn to speak English.
1140
00:57:23,329 --> 00:57:25,261
See Mickey and Minnie,
1141
00:57:26,743 --> 00:57:29,706
and we'll say hello to Goofy.
1142
00:57:29,707 --> 00:57:32,370
And she doesn't love me anymore.
1143
00:57:32,371 --> 00:57:34,996
That's what she said.
1144
00:57:34,997 --> 00:57:35,997
Susie!
1145
00:57:36,817 --> 00:57:38,185
Michael!
1146
00:57:38,186 --> 00:57:40,231
Dad?
1147
00:57:41,375 --> 00:57:42,875
That's your dad?
1148
00:57:42,876 --> 00:57:44,075
Yeah.
Yeah.
1149
00:57:44,076 --> 00:57:46,345
Mac, take care of them.
1150
00:57:46,346 --> 00:57:48,146
Mike, Susie, get over here.
1151
00:57:48,147 --> 00:57:49,147
It's Michael, not Mike.
1152
00:57:49,148 --> 00:57:51,130
Get over here now!
1153
00:57:52,368 --> 00:57:54,149
Mom and dad are
getting divorced.
1154
00:57:54,150 --> 00:57:55,499
It's okay, don't worry.
1155
00:57:55,500 --> 00:57:56,925
We got this.
1156
00:57:56,926 --> 00:57:58,332
Kids, get on stage now!
1157
00:57:58,333 --> 00:57:59,215
Get on stage now!
1158
00:57:59,215 --> 00:58:00,215
Go, go!
1159
00:58:02,329 --> 00:58:03,828
He's coming down the hallway.
1160
00:58:03,829 --> 00:58:04,724
Come on, come on,
come on, come on,
1161
00:58:04,725 --> 00:58:07,218
come on, come on, come on.
1162
00:58:07,219 --> 00:58:09,957
Close the curtains now!
1163
00:59:06,739 --> 00:59:07,739
My finger!
1164
00:59:10,247 --> 00:59:11,446
Now they won't let me...
1165
00:59:11,447 --> 00:59:13,228
As for you, scumbag...
1166
00:59:13,229 --> 00:59:14,130
No!
1167
00:59:14,131 --> 00:59:16,830
Ow, my finger!
1168
00:59:16,831 --> 00:59:17,831
It's okay.
1169
00:59:18,895 --> 00:59:19,895
It's okay.
1170
00:59:21,076 --> 00:59:23,977
You know, my parents
were together 40 years?
1171
00:59:29,962 --> 00:59:31,688
But this is good too.
1172
00:59:33,151 --> 00:59:34,151
All right, Mac,
get them outta here.
1173
00:59:34,152 --> 00:59:35,440
Let's go, guys.
1174
00:59:39,304 --> 00:59:42,023
What about the other keh, kids?
1175
00:59:42,024 --> 00:59:44,161
This could scar them forever.
1176
00:59:44,162 --> 00:59:45,162
I got it.
1177
00:59:51,159 --> 00:59:53,334
And that, kids, is
why you should always,
1178
00:59:53,335 --> 00:59:56,054
always, question everything.
1179
00:59:56,055 --> 00:59:58,080
The world is a place
that will look you
1180
00:59:58,081 --> 01:00:00,163
in the face and lie to you.
1181
01:00:00,164 --> 01:00:04,064
It'll tell you, "Everything is
safe," when nothing ever is.
1182
01:00:04,065 --> 01:00:05,302
So pay attention.
1183
01:00:05,303 --> 01:00:06,522
Trust no one.
1184
01:00:06,523 --> 01:00:09,110
And maybe, just maybe,
you won't get shivved
1185
01:00:09,111 --> 01:00:11,155
in a gas station bathroom
before you're 30.
1186
01:00:13,088 --> 01:00:14,088
Got it?
1187
01:00:23,293 --> 01:00:24,293
Oh, no way.
1188
01:00:26,000 --> 01:00:27,325
Take that.
1189
01:00:34,961 --> 01:00:36,048
Hello, Captain.
1190
01:00:36,049 --> 01:00:37,511
Live ammo?
1191
01:00:37,512 --> 01:00:38,512
In a school?
1192
01:00:38,513 --> 01:00:40,100
Sir, they stopped the shooter.
1193
01:00:40,101 --> 01:00:40,964
You are fired!
1194
01:00:40,964 --> 01:00:41,964
You're fired!
1195
01:00:41,965 --> 01:00:43,364
Captain, nobody even got hurt.
1196
01:00:43,365 --> 01:00:45,071
Would you be happy if
somebody got killed?
1197
01:00:45,072 --> 01:00:47,284
Fowler, you're a disease.
1198
01:00:47,285 --> 01:00:49,066
You're like human Ebola!
1199
01:00:49,067 --> 01:00:50,304
You know, when you're around,
1200
01:00:50,305 --> 01:00:53,306
people's eyes bleed and
their bowels liquefy!
1201
01:00:53,307 --> 01:00:54,544
You know what? You know what?
1202
01:00:54,545 --> 01:00:57,020
I'm happy because I
knew you would fail.
1203
01:00:57,021 --> 01:00:59,552
In my office,
tomorrow, 8:00 a.m.!
1204
01:00:59,553 --> 01:01:01,879
You're over!
Captain, wait!
1205
01:01:03,043 --> 01:01:04,336
God!
1206
01:01:06,982 --> 01:01:07,982
Ugh.
1207
01:01:08,788 --> 01:01:12,440
Could somebody please
get me an evidence bag?
1208
01:01:30,561 --> 01:01:32,286
What?!
1209
01:01:32,287 --> 01:01:34,087
Gun!
Alvin, wait.
1210
01:01:42,961 --> 01:01:44,554
Now, I'm going to poop on him.
1211
01:01:44,555 --> 01:01:46,036
Alvin!
Alvin!
1212
01:01:46,037 --> 01:01:47,037
Ah, ah, Alvin!
1213
01:01:56,398 --> 01:01:58,473
That is some good coffee, Alvin.
1214
01:01:58,474 --> 01:01:59,711
That is some gourmet shit.
1215
01:01:59,712 --> 01:02:01,081
I don't need you to tell me
1216
01:02:01,082 --> 01:02:02,263
how F-ing good my
coffee is, okay?
1217
01:02:02,264 --> 01:02:03,220
I know how good it is.
1218
01:02:03,221 --> 01:02:04,551
I'm the one who buys it.
1219
01:02:04,552 --> 01:02:07,084
Bonnie goes shopping,
she buys poop.
1220
01:02:07,085 --> 01:02:08,322
I buy the gourmet
expensive stuff
1221
01:02:08,323 --> 01:02:09,729
'cause when I drink
it, I wanna taste it.
1222
01:02:09,730 --> 01:02:11,285
But you know what's
on my mind right now?
1223
01:02:11,286 --> 01:02:12,674
It ain't the coffee
in my kitchen.
1224
01:02:12,675 --> 01:02:15,675
It's the dead
negro in my garage.
1225
01:02:15,676 --> 01:02:17,063
What the hell?
1226
01:02:17,064 --> 01:02:19,033
Alvin...
He's doing Pulp Fiction.
1227
01:02:19,034 --> 01:02:20,383
What?
1228
01:02:20,384 --> 01:02:22,428
Pulp Fiction, the kitchen
scene from Pulp Fiction.
1229
01:02:22,429 --> 01:02:23,704
Alvin, do you
remember everything?
1230
01:02:23,705 --> 01:02:25,598
Pulp Fiction, directed
by Quentin Tarantino,
1231
01:02:25,599 --> 01:02:28,337
shot in 1993, released in 1994.
1232
01:02:28,338 --> 01:02:30,570
Alvin's seen the movie once.
1233
01:02:31,996 --> 01:02:33,121
Watch.
1234
01:02:33,122 --> 01:02:34,408
Which wallet's yours?
1235
01:02:34,409 --> 01:02:36,753
It's the one that
says Bad Mother F-er.
1236
01:02:39,493 --> 01:02:40,431
That's amazing, Alvin.
1237
01:02:40,432 --> 01:02:41,443
That's my favorite movie.
1238
01:02:41,444 --> 01:02:43,431
Classic!
Open it up.
1239
01:02:43,432 --> 01:02:45,157
What?
Take it out, count it.
1240
01:02:45,158 --> 01:02:46,451
How much is in there?
1241
01:02:46,452 --> 01:02:48,609
Oh my god, he's still doing it.
1242
01:02:48,610 --> 01:02:49,491
Hey.
1243
01:02:49,491 --> 01:02:50,491
Alvin.
1244
01:02:50,492 --> 01:02:52,023
Here.
1245
01:02:55,457 --> 01:02:58,645
We're ruh, ready
to be real cops.
1246
01:02:58,646 --> 01:03:00,447
Yeah, no lying this time.
1247
01:03:00,448 --> 01:03:04,030
We want a real case, not
some publicity stunt.
1248
01:03:04,031 --> 01:03:05,699
Hey, hey, you're
doing so well right now.
1249
01:03:05,700 --> 01:03:07,575
Why won't we just keep
everything as it is?
1250
01:03:07,576 --> 01:03:09,095
I, I knew it.
1251
01:03:09,096 --> 01:03:10,671
Cool cop sold us out.
1252
01:03:11,516 --> 01:03:12,846
Cool.
1253
01:03:12,847 --> 01:03:14,578
Have you met me?
1254
01:03:14,579 --> 01:03:17,123
I can't sleep
unless I'm hammered.
1255
01:03:17,124 --> 01:03:19,487
I steal, I cheat, I lie,
I do what I have to do,
1256
01:03:19,488 --> 01:03:21,081
which is what you
guys should do.
1257
01:03:21,082 --> 01:03:24,120
You always take protection
money from drug dealers.
1258
01:03:24,121 --> 01:03:26,390
Once a conman, always a conman.
1259
01:03:26,391 --> 01:03:27,572
You know what?
1260
01:03:27,573 --> 01:03:29,692
I took a job with
the melon heads.
1261
01:03:29,693 --> 01:03:32,337
One of them can't
reach a high shelf.
1262
01:03:32,338 --> 01:03:34,813
Another one can't say a word
with the letter B in it.
1263
01:03:34,814 --> 01:03:37,589
Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh,
1264
01:03:37,590 --> 01:03:39,578
buh, buh, buh, buh, buh...
1265
01:03:40,554 --> 01:03:41,511
Stop.
1266
01:03:41,512 --> 01:03:43,104
Don't hurt yourself.
1267
01:03:43,105 --> 01:03:44,811
Another one can't
chase a bank robber
1268
01:03:44,812 --> 01:03:46,725
unless he's got ramp access.
1269
01:03:46,726 --> 01:03:48,825
And this one is just a violent,
1270
01:03:48,826 --> 01:03:51,303
fetish-having Wikipedia page.
1271
01:03:52,428 --> 01:03:56,235
You can't teach the
disabled to be cops.
1272
01:03:56,236 --> 01:03:59,293
Just wear your badges,
smile for the kids,
1273
01:03:59,294 --> 01:04:01,338
cash your checks, and shut up.
1274
01:04:01,339 --> 01:04:03,176
So it was a lie.
1275
01:04:03,177 --> 01:04:05,464
We were never gonna be cops?
1276
01:04:05,465 --> 01:04:07,808
Wow, you suck, sir.
1277
01:04:08,523 --> 01:04:12,591
I thought you were a
good guy, geh, Garrett.
1278
01:04:12,592 --> 01:04:15,198
You're a class A loser.
1279
01:04:15,199 --> 01:04:17,187
Garrett lies.
1280
01:04:17,188 --> 01:04:18,463
Hitler lied.
1281
01:04:26,473 --> 01:04:27,879
Okay.
1282
01:04:27,880 --> 01:04:30,543
I will talk to
the captain again.
1283
01:04:30,544 --> 01:04:32,495
And he'll say no again.
1284
01:04:34,202 --> 01:04:36,978
Get out of my home, melon heads.
1285
01:04:48,533 --> 01:04:50,821
Oh yeah, real cops,
badges and everything.
1286
01:04:50,822 --> 01:04:52,491
They're trained.
1287
01:04:52,492 --> 01:04:53,492
They'd be amazing undercover.
1288
01:04:53,493 --> 01:04:55,604
Nobody would ever suspect them!
1289
01:04:55,605 --> 01:04:56,768
Look at what they
did at that school!
1290
01:04:56,769 --> 01:04:58,643
I did tell you you
were fired, right?
1291
01:04:58,644 --> 01:05:01,682
You took unqualified rookie
cadets to a school shooting!
1292
01:05:01,683 --> 01:05:03,671
The school shooting came to us!
1293
01:05:03,672 --> 01:05:06,692
You fired live
rounds into a school!
1294
01:05:07,799 --> 01:05:09,486
That is Olympic level of stupid!
1295
01:05:09,487 --> 01:05:12,375
You are done, over,
and I am glad.
1296
01:05:12,376 --> 01:05:13,520
Give me your gun.
1297
01:05:14,495 --> 01:05:15,526
Oh.
1298
01:05:15,527 --> 01:05:17,590
Er, hi, sorry to bug you guys.
1299
01:05:17,591 --> 01:05:18,758
Margie, get out!
1300
01:05:18,759 --> 01:05:20,291
Okay, but Detective
Fowler needs to be
1301
01:05:20,292 --> 01:05:21,904
at a press conference
in five minutes!
1302
01:05:21,905 --> 01:05:23,405
It's the mayor's orders.
1303
01:05:23,406 --> 01:05:25,826
Okay, let's move our heinies!
1304
01:05:28,489 --> 01:05:31,584
I got to go see the mayor.
1305
01:05:31,585 --> 01:05:33,816
I want them in front
of the camera talking
1306
01:05:33,817 --> 01:05:35,617
about how great
this department is.
1307
01:05:35,618 --> 01:05:36,798
Hell no.
1308
01:05:36,799 --> 01:05:38,505
They're about to be
undercover detectives.
1309
01:05:38,506 --> 01:05:40,625
We can't put their
pictures on television.
1310
01:05:40,626 --> 01:05:43,289
That would be, that
would be retarded.
1311
01:05:43,290 --> 01:05:43,965
He's got a point, Mayor.
1312
01:05:43,966 --> 01:05:45,277
We can't do it.
1313
01:05:45,278 --> 01:05:46,309
If you were mayor, you'd do it.
1314
01:05:46,310 --> 01:05:46,967
You're right. I'd do it.
1315
01:05:46,968 --> 01:05:48,129
We can't do it!
1316
01:05:48,130 --> 01:05:51,505
I want those little spazzies
in the pressroom in five
1317
01:05:51,506 --> 01:05:54,170
or I will set you both on fire!
1318
01:06:04,737 --> 01:06:05,737
Give me 20.
1319
01:06:19,281 --> 01:06:20,281
Good afternoon, everyone.
1320
01:06:20,282 --> 01:06:21,444
Thank you for being here.
1321
01:06:21,445 --> 01:06:22,445
Um.
1322
01:06:23,533 --> 01:06:27,259
I am pleased to announce
that the definition
1323
01:06:27,260 --> 01:06:29,379
of police officer
has changed today.
1324
01:06:29,380 --> 01:06:34,331
These officers are in disguise
to hide their identities.
1325
01:06:34,332 --> 01:06:37,803
Now, police work has
gone to the next level.
1326
01:06:38,816 --> 01:06:41,309
It's Detective 2.0.
1327
01:06:41,310 --> 01:06:45,736
Now these officers, they
may be considered disabled,
1328
01:06:45,737 --> 01:06:49,038
but that word has
a broad definition.
1329
01:06:49,039 --> 01:06:51,478
Uh, being emotionally vacant,
1330
01:06:52,584 --> 01:06:54,759
lacking in morals,
1331
01:06:54,760 --> 01:06:57,986
lying, could all be
considered disabilities,
1332
01:06:57,987 --> 01:07:02,507
but these officers right here
stopped a school shooting.
1333
01:07:02,508 --> 01:07:05,584
They are capable of
anything a normal,
1334
01:07:06,578 --> 01:07:09,130
morally bankrupt, alcoholicky,
1335
01:07:09,805 --> 01:07:11,531
impotent officer is.
1336
01:07:12,526 --> 01:07:13,753
This is Michael Pace.
1337
01:07:13,754 --> 01:07:15,323
He's responsible for
the school shooting.
1338
01:07:15,324 --> 01:07:18,022
He is a father going
through a bitter divorce.
1339
01:07:18,023 --> 01:07:21,808
Now, breakups, as we
all know, can be hard
1340
01:07:21,809 --> 01:07:25,019
and sometimes make you
psychotic and stupid,
1341
01:07:25,020 --> 01:07:28,272
but he is undergoing
psychiatric evaluation,
1342
01:07:28,273 --> 01:07:29,791
which I think is a great idea
1343
01:07:29,792 --> 01:07:32,389
when you have
darkness in your soul.
1344
01:07:32,390 --> 01:07:34,646
So we are here to congratulate
1345
01:07:34,647 --> 01:07:37,899
and thank these
very brave officers.
1346
01:07:37,900 --> 01:07:41,962
And I am pleased to introduce
their training officer.
1347
01:07:41,963 --> 01:07:43,429
Give him a hand.
1348
01:07:48,868 --> 01:07:49,771
Hello.
1349
01:07:49,772 --> 01:07:51,484
Sorry for the disguises,
1350
01:07:51,485 --> 01:07:54,470
but we're trying to protect
the identities of our officers.
1351
01:07:54,471 --> 01:07:56,358
I'd like to take
the first question.
1352
01:07:56,359 --> 01:07:57,907
A lot of people are saying that
1353
01:07:57,908 --> 01:08:00,647
this is just a publicity tool.
1354
01:08:00,648 --> 01:08:01,909
Really?
1355
01:08:01,910 --> 01:08:03,048
You think it's a publicity tool?
1356
01:08:03,049 --> 01:08:04,853
Why don't you ask an officer,
1357
01:08:04,854 --> 01:08:08,752
who is actually in a wheelchair,
if it's a publicity tool?
1358
01:08:08,753 --> 01:08:10,620
Uh, do you mean a publicity tool
1359
01:08:10,621 --> 01:08:13,299
like the moon landing or gluten?
1360
01:08:15,058 --> 01:08:16,386
Then no.
1361
01:08:16,387 --> 01:08:17,618
Thank you very much.
1362
01:08:17,619 --> 01:08:18,716
Next question.
1363
01:08:18,717 --> 01:08:19,926
Who's the toughest one?
1364
01:08:19,927 --> 01:08:21,866
I mean, the most capable.
1365
01:08:21,867 --> 01:08:24,964
I mean, you know, the
least disabledlessness.
1366
01:08:24,965 --> 01:08:27,909
That, tha, tha,
tha, that would be me.
1367
01:08:27,910 --> 01:08:29,807
It was my idea
1368
01:08:29,808 --> 01:08:33,327
to go, go, go, go, go,
1369
01:08:33,328 --> 01:08:34,825
go, go,
1370
01:08:34,826 --> 01:08:38,611
go after the ta, ta, target
1371
01:08:38,612 --> 01:08:42,951
and my tea, tea, team
fuh, fuh, fuh, followed.
1372
01:08:42,952 --> 01:08:46,563
Uh, buh, buh, buh,
buh, buh, buh, bullshit.
1373
01:08:46,564 --> 01:08:49,959
This idiot would be
dead if I weren't there.
1374
01:08:49,960 --> 01:08:51,909
Huh, huh, huh,
huh, huh, huh, hey!
1375
01:08:51,910 --> 01:08:53,254
Knock it off!
1376
01:08:53,993 --> 01:08:55,490
Any other questions?
1377
01:08:55,491 --> 01:08:58,588
Obviously, there's
no team feeling yet,
1378
01:08:58,589 --> 01:09:00,466
but what does it feel like to be
1379
01:09:00,467 --> 01:09:02,785
the first disabled police squad?
1380
01:09:02,786 --> 01:09:05,363
How does it feel
to be a reporter
1381
01:09:05,364 --> 01:09:07,928
after the internet
killed your job?
1382
01:09:07,929 --> 01:09:09,837
Shut up!
No, you shut up!
1383
01:09:11,130 --> 01:09:11,992
Just shut it!
1384
01:09:11,992 --> 01:09:12,992
Just knock it off!
1385
01:09:12,993 --> 01:09:14,766
You guys got to stop!
1386
01:09:14,767 --> 01:09:15,905
Knock it off, you guys!
1387
01:09:15,906 --> 01:09:17,732
Yeah, the mayor's
right here, you idiots!
1388
01:09:19,591 --> 01:09:20,591
Hello!
1389
01:09:21,381 --> 01:09:22,576
Hello, hello.
1390
01:09:22,577 --> 01:09:23,910
Hello.
1391
01:09:23,911 --> 01:09:24,911
I'm Batman.
1392
01:09:25,824 --> 01:09:26,824
Oh shit.
1393
01:09:27,737 --> 01:09:29,163
First of all,
1394
01:09:29,164 --> 01:09:32,857
our nation cannot tolerate
discrimination of any kind.
1395
01:09:32,858 --> 01:09:34,714
That's why the Americans
with Disabilities Act is
1396
01:09:34,715 --> 01:09:37,905
so important and must
be honored everywhere.
1397
01:09:37,906 --> 01:09:41,660
It is a civil rights law
that's tearing down barriers.
1398
01:09:41,661 --> 01:09:43,487
Its purpose is to give
the disabled access
1399
01:09:43,488 --> 01:09:47,632
not only to buildings but to
every opportunity in society.
1400
01:09:47,633 --> 01:09:51,740
I strongly believe our nation
must give its full support
1401
01:09:51,741 --> 01:09:53,115
to the caregivers who
are helping people
1402
01:09:53,116 --> 01:09:56,871
with disabilities live
independent lives.
1403
01:09:56,872 --> 01:09:59,856
When we put our
minds to a problem,
1404
01:09:59,857 --> 01:10:02,637
we can usually find solutions.
1405
01:10:02,638 --> 01:10:07,388
But America has a tradition
many nations probably envy.
1406
01:10:07,389 --> 01:10:10,692
We frequently achieve
the impossible.
1407
01:10:10,693 --> 01:10:13,698
That's what got us from
one coast to another.
1408
01:10:13,699 --> 01:10:17,638
That's what got us the
largest economy in the world.
1409
01:10:17,639 --> 01:10:20,460
That's what got us to the moon.
1410
01:10:20,461 --> 01:10:22,553
President Roosevelt showed us
1411
01:10:22,554 --> 01:10:27,261
that a man who could barely
lift himself out of a wheelchair
1412
01:10:28,688 --> 01:10:32,719
could still lift a
nation out of despair.
1413
01:10:32,720 --> 01:10:36,794
And I believe it too, and
so does this administration.
1414
01:10:38,148 --> 01:10:41,226
The most important
principle FDR taught us:
1415
01:10:41,227 --> 01:10:45,526
America does not let its needy
citizens fend for themselves.
1416
01:10:48,133 --> 01:10:53,879
America is stronger when all
of us take care of all of us.
1417
01:10:55,787 --> 01:10:57,828
Giving new life to that ideal is
1418
01:10:57,829 --> 01:11:00,589
the challenge before us tonight.
1419
01:11:02,764 --> 01:11:04,737
I'm here to protect you.
1420
01:11:04,738 --> 01:11:05,948
Thank you very much.
1421
01:11:05,949 --> 01:11:06,949
I'm Batman.
1422
01:11:23,244 --> 01:11:25,940
That was the most touching thing
1423
01:11:25,941 --> 01:11:28,782
I've ever heard in my life.
1424
01:11:28,783 --> 01:11:30,907
Is there anymore questions?
1425
01:11:32,703 --> 01:11:34,220
Alvin.
1426
01:11:34,221 --> 01:11:36,108
What the hell was that?
1427
01:11:36,109 --> 01:11:36,988
That was incredible.
1428
01:11:36,989 --> 01:11:38,727
Brilliant.
1429
01:11:38,728 --> 01:11:42,195
Christopher Reeve's, Democratic
National Convention, 1996.
1430
01:11:42,196 --> 01:11:43,858
Superman couldn't walk.
1431
01:11:43,859 --> 01:11:44,859
That's brilliant!
1432
01:11:45,808 --> 01:11:46,670
You're touching me.
1433
01:11:46,671 --> 01:11:47,931
Uh, oh, oh!
1434
01:11:47,932 --> 01:11:49,994
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry!
1435
01:11:49,995 --> 01:11:50,877
It's okay.
1436
01:11:50,878 --> 01:11:52,549
I won't poop on you.
1437
01:11:54,920 --> 01:11:57,155
Alvin, you got to promise me
1438
01:11:57,156 --> 01:11:59,269
you're not gonna read
Hustler magazine anymore.
1439
01:11:59,270 --> 01:12:00,685
Okay.
1440
01:12:00,686 --> 01:12:01,783
Alvin.
1441
01:12:01,784 --> 01:12:02,891
Great job.
1442
01:12:02,892 --> 01:12:05,025
Puh, puh, puh, puh, perfect!
1443
01:12:05,026 --> 01:12:07,036
Pretty impressive, dumb ass.
1444
01:12:07,037 --> 01:12:09,848
They just might keep
us around after all.
1445
01:12:09,849 --> 01:12:12,916
So, do we get to be cops now?
1446
01:12:12,917 --> 01:12:15,861
Fowler, in my office now.
1447
01:12:15,862 --> 01:12:17,082
I think that's a no.
1448
01:12:17,083 --> 01:12:19,743
This is bullshit!
1449
01:12:19,744 --> 01:12:23,160
Hey, Mayor!
1450
01:12:23,161 --> 01:12:28,144
Whatever you have to say, you
can say it to my partners.
1451
01:12:28,145 --> 01:12:29,027
Oh.
1452
01:12:29,028 --> 01:12:30,616
Oh, okay.
1453
01:12:30,617 --> 01:12:32,812
Well, you little school
shooting stopping heroes,
1454
01:12:32,813 --> 01:12:35,819
you're going to go to every
school in my district.
1455
01:12:35,820 --> 01:12:36,999
You're gonna make that change
1456
01:12:37,000 --> 01:12:38,845
in every one of those
sweet little kids.
1457
01:12:38,846 --> 01:12:42,931
So more of the same do
nothing fake cop crap?
1458
01:12:42,932 --> 01:12:44,131
Garrett!
1459
01:12:44,132 --> 01:12:45,199
Yeah.
1460
01:12:45,200 --> 01:12:47,661
They stopped a mass shooting
1461
01:12:47,662 --> 01:12:51,724
and you wanna make them
clowns at kids' parties?
1462
01:12:51,725 --> 01:12:53,284
I can't risk them getting hurt.
1463
01:12:53,285 --> 01:12:55,702
That would be a public
relation nightmare for me.
1464
01:12:55,703 --> 01:12:56,703
For you?
1465
01:12:57,457 --> 01:12:59,949
Unless, Detective, you
would like to be fired
1466
01:12:59,950 --> 01:13:03,017
for bringing live weapons
into a gun-free zone.
1467
01:13:03,018 --> 01:13:06,092
What a buh, buh, buh, buh,
1468
01:13:06,093 --> 01:13:08,381
buh, buh, buh, buh, buh...
1469
01:13:08,935 --> 01:13:10,730
Stop.
1470
01:13:10,731 --> 01:13:12,053
Just finish it.
1471
01:13:12,054 --> 01:13:13,054
Bitch.
1472
01:13:13,800 --> 01:13:15,234
We earned our badges.
1473
01:13:15,235 --> 01:13:17,676
Yes, you did, and you
will wear them proudly.
1474
01:13:17,677 --> 01:13:19,195
In the schools.
1475
01:13:19,196 --> 01:13:21,360
She's right, guys.
1476
01:13:21,361 --> 01:13:23,987
We should just
proudly go back inside
1477
01:13:23,988 --> 01:13:26,141
and talk to all the reporters
1478
01:13:26,142 --> 01:13:28,429
and let them know how full
of shit our mayor really is.
1479
01:13:28,430 --> 01:13:29,430
Oh, watch it!
1480
01:13:29,431 --> 01:13:31,261
No, you watch it.
1481
01:13:31,262 --> 01:13:34,709
These guys did what only 3%
of the population could do.
1482
01:13:34,710 --> 01:13:36,915
They stopped a mass shooting.
1483
01:13:36,916 --> 01:13:38,095
They're cops.
1484
01:13:38,096 --> 01:13:39,951
They are my partners.
1485
01:13:39,952 --> 01:13:41,983
And I will walk
back in that room
1486
01:13:41,984 --> 01:13:44,723
and I will talk to any
reporter who'll listen
1487
01:13:44,724 --> 01:13:49,022
and tell them what the real
deal is with our mayor.
1488
01:13:49,023 --> 01:13:52,664
Or you can just give
them a real assignment.
1489
01:13:52,665 --> 01:13:55,701
Or we take to the press a story
1490
01:13:55,702 --> 01:14:00,134
about a condescending,
lying, deal-breaking mayor.
1491
01:14:00,135 --> 01:14:04,084
Who screwed over a bunch
of little disabled heroes.
1492
01:14:04,085 --> 01:14:06,538
Batman isn't needed here.
1493
01:14:06,979 --> 01:14:08,825
I love these guys.
1494
01:14:08,826 --> 01:14:09,677
Buh, buh, buh...
1495
01:14:09,678 --> 01:14:11,236
All right, fine!
1496
01:14:11,237 --> 01:14:13,157
Fine, you are real cops,
1497
01:14:14,604 --> 01:14:16,347
but you will dance
for your badges.
1498
01:14:16,348 --> 01:14:19,908
Oh, one more thing, you have
to take Garrett to dinner.
1499
01:14:19,909 --> 01:14:20,909
What?
1500
01:14:20,910 --> 01:14:22,812
No!
It's not negotiable.
1501
01:14:23,972 --> 01:14:24,972
Fine.
1502
01:14:26,808 --> 01:14:29,919
Okay, Chick-fil-Loser, Tuesday.
1503
01:14:29,920 --> 01:14:31,973
And don't expect anything.
1504
01:14:33,224 --> 01:14:35,010
You either.
1505
01:14:39,914 --> 01:14:41,085
Really, guys?
1506
01:14:42,049 --> 01:14:45,342
You're listening
to KWRD The Word,
1507
01:14:45,343 --> 01:14:46,973
and coming up at
the top of the hour,
1508
01:14:46,974 --> 01:14:49,384
we have DJ Sully Stone who is
gonna be interviewing some
1509
01:14:49,385 --> 01:14:51,462
of Los Angeles's most
special Police Officers!
1510
01:14:51,463 --> 01:14:52,396
What we're gonna
do is we're just
1511
01:14:52,397 --> 01:14:54,027
kinda ease into this today.
1512
01:14:54,028 --> 01:14:55,915
I'm gonna talk to you all
about what it's like to be
1513
01:14:55,916 --> 01:14:58,460
an undercover cop in the
face of a disability.
1514
01:14:58,461 --> 01:14:59,742
Is that all right?
1515
01:14:59,743 --> 01:15:00,943
Sure.
Good. All right.
1516
01:15:00,944 --> 01:15:02,810
So let's go ahead and
put on our headsets.
1517
01:15:02,811 --> 01:15:04,339
All right, everyone good?
1518
01:15:04,340 --> 01:15:05,974
All right, let's get to it then.
1519
01:15:05,975 --> 01:15:09,638
Gonna count it down
in three, two...
1520
01:15:10,490 --> 01:15:12,120
All right!
1521
01:15:12,121 --> 01:15:16,388
You're tuned in to KWRD
The Word, all talk radio!
1522
01:15:16,389 --> 01:15:17,979
Sully in the house
with you here!
1523
01:15:17,980 --> 01:15:18,883
And Hoo-hoo!
1524
01:15:18,884 --> 01:15:20,287
Joining me in the studio today,
1525
01:15:20,288 --> 01:15:24,352
I have got an amazing group
of undercover police officers
1526
01:15:25,480 --> 01:15:28,065
and I have never seen
anything like this.
1527
01:15:28,066 --> 01:15:29,389
Mm, mm-mm!
1528
01:15:29,390 --> 01:15:32,817
Now they're cops, but I
feel like I just stepped
1529
01:15:32,818 --> 01:15:35,475
into a Final Fantasy video game!
1530
01:15:35,476 --> 01:15:37,871
I got my elf, my gargoyle,
1531
01:15:37,872 --> 01:15:40,940
my wizard on the
wheels, and a mutant!
1532
01:15:41,962 --> 01:15:43,839
Thank you.
1533
01:15:43,840 --> 01:15:47,320
What is it like to
be a police officer
1534
01:15:47,321 --> 01:15:50,114
and to serve the public?
1535
01:15:50,115 --> 01:15:52,094
Uh, it's great.
1536
01:15:52,095 --> 01:15:55,117
We get to do something no
one's ever done before.
1537
01:15:55,118 --> 01:15:57,180
And being the first disabled...
1538
01:15:57,181 --> 01:15:58,535
Yeah, that's what
I wanna talk about!
1539
01:15:58,536 --> 01:16:02,288
Do you prefer midget,
elf, or dwarf?
1540
01:16:02,289 --> 01:16:03,955
Actually...
I'm gonna hold that!
1541
01:16:03,956 --> 01:16:06,874
You're listening to KWRD
and we got the mutant cops!
1542
01:16:06,875 --> 01:16:07,875
This is Sully!
1543
01:16:07,876 --> 01:16:09,484
Oh my gosh, that
was great, guys.
1544
01:16:09,485 --> 01:16:10,943
Super opening.
1545
01:16:10,944 --> 01:16:12,466
Thank you.
1546
01:16:15,134 --> 01:16:16,467
My god, you look so gorgeous.
1547
01:16:16,468 --> 01:16:19,017
Relax, this is a
meal, not a future.
1548
01:16:19,018 --> 01:16:20,331
I'm sorry what I did to us.
1549
01:16:20,332 --> 01:16:21,477
I should never have done it.
1550
01:16:21,478 --> 01:16:23,437
I screwed up our relationship
and you were everything to me.
1551
01:16:23,438 --> 01:16:24,875
You were my princess,
you were my queen,
1552
01:16:24,876 --> 01:16:27,022
you were my Beyonce.
1553
01:16:27,023 --> 01:16:28,023
Garrett!
1554
01:16:28,024 --> 01:16:31,191
Again, this is
dinner, not foreplay.
1555
01:16:31,192 --> 01:16:33,109
I just wanted to
show my appreciation
1556
01:16:33,110 --> 01:16:37,674
for everything that you
did with the special ones.
1557
01:16:37,675 --> 01:16:40,905
You don't know
their names, do you?
1558
01:16:40,906 --> 01:16:41,906
Yes, I know their names.
1559
01:16:41,906 --> 01:16:42,906
Really?
Yes.
1560
01:16:42,907 --> 01:16:45,138
Okay, so you have Mac.
Mac.
1561
01:16:46,180 --> 01:16:49,014
Uh-huh, and then there's Morgan.
1562
01:16:49,015 --> 01:16:50,015
Morgan.
1563
01:16:50,015 --> 01:16:50,621
Uh-huh, and there's Sophie.
1564
01:16:50,622 --> 01:16:51,788
Sophie-ah.
1565
01:16:53,039 --> 01:16:54,559
Ah, and then there's Al...
1566
01:16:54,560 --> 01:16:55,560
Albert.
1567
01:16:55,560 --> 01:16:56,560
Alvin.
1568
01:17:00,975 --> 01:17:03,454
I never thought I'd be
sitting across from you again
1569
01:17:03,455 --> 01:17:05,977
unless it was at my execution.
1570
01:17:05,978 --> 01:17:09,291
And I didn't think I
would say this either,
1571
01:17:09,292 --> 01:17:12,335
but I wanna thank you for
giving me this assignment,
1572
01:17:12,336 --> 01:17:15,983
job, whatever you
wanna call it 'cause,
1573
01:17:15,984 --> 01:17:19,965
have to be honest, those
guys, they're pretty amazing.
1574
01:17:23,488 --> 01:17:29,043
So you're telling me the word
retard is offensive to you?
1575
01:17:29,044 --> 01:17:31,023
Only if used as an insult, like,
1576
01:17:31,024 --> 01:17:34,254
"I think the way you talk
on the radio is retarded,"
1577
01:17:34,255 --> 01:17:37,048
the way you think of
disabled people is retarded,
1578
01:17:37,049 --> 01:17:40,012
so hence, you would be a retard.
1579
01:17:40,013 --> 01:17:43,056
You are not sounding
like this city's tiny,
1580
01:17:43,057 --> 01:17:45,161
little disabled heroes, hmm?
1581
01:17:45,162 --> 01:17:46,162
Nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh...
1582
01:17:46,163 --> 01:17:47,350
Let me get this straight,
1583
01:17:47,351 --> 01:17:50,998
you guys think retard is
the same as the N-word?
1584
01:17:50,999 --> 01:17:52,645
Actually, if you've
read your history,
1585
01:17:52,646 --> 01:17:54,333
you would know that the US has
1586
01:17:54,334 --> 01:17:56,939
never enslaved disabled people.
1587
01:17:56,940 --> 01:17:58,148
And they never would.
1588
01:17:58,149 --> 01:18:01,108
What about the Special Olympics?
1589
01:18:01,109 --> 01:18:02,297
But it would have
made the competition
1590
01:18:02,298 --> 01:18:04,715
a lot more fierce, am I right?
1591
01:18:04,716 --> 01:18:06,236
You motherfuck...
We're gonna be back
1592
01:18:06,237 --> 01:18:09,312
right after this word
from our sponsors!
1593
01:18:09,313 --> 01:18:10,605
Phenomenal, guys.
1594
01:18:10,606 --> 01:18:11,606
Phenomenal.
1595
01:18:13,399 --> 01:18:14,670
I had it all, man.
1596
01:18:14,671 --> 01:18:17,088
I had the golden
boobs and I blew it.
1597
01:18:17,089 --> 01:18:18,089
Goose.
1598
01:18:18,882 --> 01:18:20,286
Golden goose.
1599
01:18:20,287 --> 01:18:21,495
What'd I say?
1600
01:18:21,496 --> 01:18:22,496
Boobs.
1601
01:18:23,559 --> 01:18:24,559
That too.
1602
01:18:26,852 --> 01:18:29,458
And I know that you
gave me this job
1603
01:18:29,459 --> 01:18:34,399
because you wanted me to screw
it up so you could fire me.
1604
01:18:34,400 --> 01:18:37,359
You were right to think that.
1605
01:18:37,360 --> 01:18:39,714
I should've been fired.
1606
01:18:39,715 --> 01:18:41,494
Garrett, what is this?
1607
01:18:41,495 --> 01:18:42,661
It's the man I became
1608
01:18:42,662 --> 01:18:44,475
after the best thing
in my life left.
1609
01:18:44,476 --> 01:18:47,289
Garrett, these are drug dealers.
1610
01:18:47,290 --> 01:18:48,290
Top guys.
1611
01:18:48,937 --> 01:18:51,729
And the numbers next to them
1612
01:18:51,730 --> 01:18:53,981
are what they paid
me for protection.
1613
01:18:53,982 --> 01:18:55,627
How long have you
been doing this?
1614
01:18:55,628 --> 01:18:57,441
Long enough to do time.
1615
01:18:57,442 --> 01:18:58,442
A lot of it.
1616
01:19:00,589 --> 01:19:03,016
And hey, I'll do it.
1617
01:19:03,683 --> 01:19:07,080
But I want you to promise
to make them real cops.
1618
01:19:07,081 --> 01:19:09,686
Real cops, that's all
the way want, Tara.
1619
01:19:09,687 --> 01:19:12,354
They just wanna be cops.
1620
01:19:12,355 --> 01:19:16,148
I can't even remember when
that was enough for me.
1621
01:19:16,149 --> 01:19:19,233
So if you'll do that,
I'll take the heat,
1622
01:19:19,234 --> 01:19:22,052
then I'll get out of your life.
1623
01:19:22,053 --> 01:19:23,699
What kind of dumb
ass keeps records
1624
01:19:23,700 --> 01:19:25,805
of his criminal activity?
1625
01:19:25,806 --> 01:19:29,599
The little heroes
put it together!
1626
01:19:29,600 --> 01:19:31,683
And I still have an out.
1627
01:19:31,684 --> 01:19:34,046
I would just say I was
long-term deep undercover
1628
01:19:34,047 --> 01:19:36,318
and then when the records
came out, that would just be
1629
01:19:36,319 --> 01:19:37,632
reasonable doubt.
Reasonable doubt.
1630
01:19:37,633 --> 01:19:40,362
There's my little prosecutor.
1631
01:19:40,363 --> 01:19:43,489
But I'm not gonna
cover my ass anymore.
1632
01:19:43,490 --> 01:19:45,303
Burn this.
1633
01:19:45,304 --> 01:19:46,470
No, I'm coming clean!
1634
01:19:46,471 --> 01:19:48,784
Do you have any
idea what I had to do
1635
01:19:48,785 --> 01:19:50,785
to become mayor of Van Nuys?
1636
01:19:50,786 --> 01:19:53,563
Well, some of it
involves my boobs!
1637
01:19:57,148 --> 01:19:58,148
Hi.
1638
01:19:59,045 --> 01:20:02,442
Look, I just want
you to know I'm sorry.
1639
01:20:03,320 --> 01:20:04,527
God!
1640
01:20:04,528 --> 01:20:07,112
Stop saying that or I
will vomit right here!
1641
01:20:07,113 --> 01:20:08,821
Are you done with this?
1642
01:20:08,822 --> 01:20:09,822
Yes.
1643
01:20:11,073 --> 01:20:12,844
Yes, I promise.
1644
01:20:12,845 --> 01:20:14,470
I called them and I told them.
1645
01:20:14,471 --> 01:20:16,680
I'm a real cop again.
1646
01:20:16,681 --> 01:20:19,161
Come on, I'm a real cop again.
1647
01:20:23,506 --> 01:20:24,745
Let's go to a movie
1648
01:20:24,746 --> 01:20:27,768
and get some popcorn
like we used to.
1649
01:20:27,769 --> 01:20:29,330
I will get the car.
1650
01:20:29,331 --> 01:20:30,331
Okay.
1651
01:20:32,694 --> 01:20:35,329
And I will get the check.
1652
01:20:35,330 --> 01:20:37,571
Isn't this nothing
but a publicity ploy
1653
01:20:37,572 --> 01:20:39,293
by the mayor to get more votes?
1654
01:20:39,294 --> 01:20:41,215
Wow, how insightful.
1655
01:20:41,216 --> 01:20:43,838
Don't you usually
interview strippers?
1656
01:20:43,839 --> 01:20:46,740
Actually, no, your mom
hasn't been in recently, ha!
1657
01:20:46,741 --> 01:20:48,430
Hey, you better
listen up here, gimpy,
1658
01:20:48,431 --> 01:20:50,112
I got two million listeners
1659
01:20:50,113 --> 01:20:52,254
and an attitude like
that's gonna get you hurt.
1660
01:20:52,255 --> 01:20:53,255
Morgan.
1661
01:20:53,256 --> 01:20:55,417
Alvin, no, no, no.
1662
01:20:55,418 --> 01:20:56,418
Caller, you're on the air.
1663
01:20:56,419 --> 01:20:57,680
What do you got for me?
1664
01:20:57,681 --> 01:20:58,681
This is a
question for the midget.
1665
01:20:58,682 --> 01:21:00,182
Really?
1666
01:21:00,183 --> 01:21:01,772
Listen, is
Santa an asshole or not?
1667
01:21:01,773 --> 01:21:02,953
That's a good question.
1668
01:21:02,954 --> 01:21:05,496
And also, do they get medical
in the Lollipop Guild?
1669
01:21:05,497 --> 01:21:06,497
Alvin, now!
1670
01:21:07,998 --> 01:21:11,802
We'll buh, buh, be
right Ba, Ba, back.
1671
01:21:26,258 --> 01:21:30,332
Open the door!
1672
01:21:30,333 --> 01:21:34,952
Oh, Tara, this radio
douche bag is really a...
1673
01:21:34,953 --> 01:21:36,322
What?
1674
01:21:40,218 --> 01:21:41,695
Okay, where are you?
1675
01:21:42,985 --> 01:21:44,757
Okay, we'll be there
in just a second.
1676
01:21:44,758 --> 01:21:45,758
We got to go!
1677
01:21:55,691 --> 01:21:57,813
Blood on the ground.
1678
01:21:57,814 --> 01:21:59,587
Size 13 shoe print.
1679
01:22:00,446 --> 01:22:01,446
Tire tracks.
1680
01:22:02,521 --> 01:22:05,684
He was knocked
out by a big dude.
1681
01:22:05,685 --> 01:22:07,511
They took his car.
1682
01:22:09,552 --> 01:22:12,721
He had kale and goat cheese.
1683
01:22:12,722 --> 01:22:15,918
If we can get the camera
feed, we can see who took him.
1684
01:22:15,919 --> 01:22:18,435
New security cameras
are wireless.
1685
01:22:18,436 --> 01:22:19,724
Easily hacked.
1686
01:22:19,725 --> 01:22:21,605
Well, if you're me.
1687
01:22:22,653 --> 01:22:24,883
That's his car.
1688
01:22:24,884 --> 01:22:26,467
Who the hell is that?
1689
01:22:26,468 --> 01:22:28,381
I don't know. I'm
gonna track him.
1690
01:22:28,382 --> 01:22:29,664
How?
1691
01:22:29,665 --> 01:22:31,759
The watch I gave
him has a GPS locator
1692
01:22:31,760 --> 01:22:33,881
and a short-range
Bluetooth microphone.
1693
01:22:33,882 --> 01:22:35,332
Wow.
1694
01:22:35,333 --> 01:22:36,595
What else can it do?
1695
01:22:36,596 --> 01:22:38,180
It's also a watch.
1696
01:22:39,174 --> 01:22:40,570
Wow.
1697
01:22:40,571 --> 01:22:43,552
Yeah, I also have
cameras at his apartment.
1698
01:22:43,553 --> 01:22:46,292
If you don't watch
everybody, you can get...
1699
01:22:46,293 --> 01:22:48,575
Can we please just
go find Garrett?
1700
01:22:48,576 --> 01:22:50,697
Yeah, let's find Garrett.
1701
01:22:52,928 --> 01:22:56,500
You're undercover
and you actually wear
1702
01:22:56,501 --> 01:22:58,247
a Van Nuys PD T-shirt?
1703
01:22:59,590 --> 01:23:01,899
All my white ones
got puke on them.
1704
01:23:01,900 --> 01:23:04,585
You protect these guys?
1705
01:23:04,586 --> 01:23:07,003
You give them information,
but you try and bust me?
1706
01:23:07,004 --> 01:23:09,071
I still have to be a cop, right?
1707
01:23:09,072 --> 01:23:11,355
Someone has to go down.
1708
01:23:11,356 --> 01:23:14,632
You're the new guy, you get
the winning lottery ticket.
1709
01:23:19,038 --> 01:23:20,515
Ugh.
And now you think
1710
01:23:20,516 --> 01:23:23,523
you're not gonna
help us anymore, ese?
1711
01:23:23,524 --> 01:23:26,989
No more protection from
Detective Garrett Fowler?
1712
01:23:26,990 --> 01:23:28,466
No way.
1713
01:23:28,467 --> 01:23:29,944
We own you, homes.
1714
01:23:29,945 --> 01:23:30,945
Julio, with your credit rating,
1715
01:23:30,946 --> 01:23:33,866
you really can't own anything.
1716
01:23:35,532 --> 01:23:36,392
God!
We're not gonna
1717
01:23:36,393 --> 01:23:37,787
let you, homes.
1718
01:23:37,788 --> 01:23:39,023
Hm!
1719
01:23:39,024 --> 01:23:40,662
You're our inside guy.
1720
01:23:40,663 --> 01:23:42,032
We need you.
1721
01:23:42,033 --> 01:23:44,718
You keep helping
us, or you'll end up
1722
01:23:44,719 --> 01:23:47,055
like those two cops I
buried up in Barstow.
1723
01:23:47,056 --> 01:23:48,667
Huh?
1724
01:23:48,668 --> 01:23:50,870
Garrett, we've been
friends a long time.
1725
01:23:50,871 --> 01:23:53,045
Why you never not wanna
be my friend no more now?
1726
01:23:53,046 --> 01:23:55,947
I think we can all
agree it's your grammar.
1727
01:23:57,640 --> 01:23:59,009
Okay. You got to gun?
1728
01:23:59,010 --> 01:24:00,278
Nuh, nuh, no.
1729
01:24:00,279 --> 01:24:01,279
Good.
1730
01:24:01,280 --> 01:24:03,579
I got a nuh, knife.
1731
01:24:03,580 --> 01:24:04,580
All right.
1732
01:24:05,675 --> 01:24:08,492
Is that a new shotgun?
1733
01:24:08,493 --> 01:24:09,938
Yeah.
1734
01:24:09,939 --> 01:24:11,778
Full assault.
1735
01:24:11,779 --> 01:24:14,927
Twice the load of my old one.
1736
01:24:14,928 --> 01:24:16,054
Sexy.
1737
01:24:33,584 --> 01:24:34,584
Night, night.
1738
01:24:35,544 --> 01:24:36,742
That was incredible.
1739
01:24:36,743 --> 01:24:37,795
How'd you do that?
1740
01:24:37,796 --> 01:24:40,056
Pressure points.
1741
01:24:40,057 --> 01:24:43,482
Uh-oh.
1742
01:24:45,620 --> 01:24:47,168
That was incredible.
1743
01:24:47,169 --> 01:24:48,169
Yeah.
1744
01:25:11,512 --> 01:25:13,432
What the hell is this?
1745
01:25:14,485 --> 01:25:16,993
You put everything
in here, puto?
1746
01:25:16,994 --> 01:25:18,170
Everything we ever did?
1747
01:25:18,171 --> 01:25:20,152
Everything we ever paid you for?
1748
01:25:20,153 --> 01:25:22,010
What kind of dumb
ass keeps records
1749
01:25:22,011 --> 01:25:24,488
of all his criminal
activity like this?
1750
01:25:24,489 --> 01:25:26,470
Once a cop, always a cop.
1751
01:25:26,471 --> 01:25:27,616
He was setting us up.
1752
01:25:27,617 --> 01:25:28,886
No.
1753
01:25:28,887 --> 01:25:31,146
It was a gift for my girlfriend.
1754
01:25:31,147 --> 01:25:32,509
Ex-girlfriend.
1755
01:25:32,510 --> 01:25:34,058
You gave your
girlfriend evidence
1756
01:25:34,059 --> 01:25:36,009
of our criminal activity?
1757
01:25:36,010 --> 01:25:37,681
You know, I thought if
I gave her the evidence,
1758
01:25:37,682 --> 01:25:41,585
then I would go to jail and
she would love me again.
1759
01:25:44,929 --> 01:25:48,027
Love is a fickle
mistress, homes.
1760
01:25:49,544 --> 01:25:53,113
I can say this, it was
good while it lasted, huh?
1761
01:25:55,592 --> 01:25:59,587
I remember when you called
me and you said we were over.
1762
01:26:01,383 --> 01:26:02,383
It hurt.
1763
01:26:03,684 --> 01:26:05,471
And you said you didn't
wanna see me anymore
1764
01:26:05,472 --> 01:26:08,197
and we should go
our separate ways.
1765
01:26:09,962 --> 01:26:12,811
And here I see
you with a folder.
1766
01:26:12,812 --> 01:26:14,546
A folder about us.
1767
01:26:20,585 --> 01:26:21,841
Go wash my car!
1768
01:26:29,956 --> 01:26:33,300
And for that, you die, cop!
1769
01:26:36,924 --> 01:26:38,255
Police!
1770
01:26:38,256 --> 01:26:41,384
Freeze!
1771
01:26:43,614 --> 01:26:45,503
Drop the weapons now!
1772
01:26:55,630 --> 01:26:56,630
Holy hell.
1773
01:26:59,015 --> 01:27:00,015
We heard gunshots!
1774
01:27:00,016 --> 01:27:01,731
Was that gunshots?
1775
01:27:01,732 --> 01:27:02,732
Kill them!
1776
01:27:02,733 --> 01:27:04,084
Not today!
1777
01:27:08,004 --> 01:27:09,004
Ow!
1778
01:27:09,005 --> 01:27:10,233
Goddammit, Morgan!
1779
01:27:10,234 --> 01:27:11,596
Sorry!
1780
01:27:11,597 --> 01:27:12,835
What is this?
1781
01:27:12,836 --> 01:27:14,198
Maybe he's not a cop!
1782
01:27:14,199 --> 01:27:16,490
LAPD, you are under arrest!
1783
01:27:17,822 --> 01:27:19,648
A cripple, a
midget, and whatever
1784
01:27:19,649 --> 01:27:20,887
the hell is wrong with him?
1785
01:27:20,888 --> 01:27:22,900
This is your backup, Fowler?
1786
01:27:22,901 --> 01:27:24,325
He doesn't even have a gun!
1787
01:27:24,326 --> 01:27:26,183
Fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh...
1788
01:27:26,184 --> 01:27:27,184
Shut up!
1789
01:27:27,185 --> 01:27:28,692
You're dead, gimp!
1790
01:27:28,693 --> 01:27:30,055
Alvin!
1791
01:27:34,825 --> 01:27:38,664
Their names are Mac,
Morgan, and Sophie.
1792
01:27:38,665 --> 01:27:39,904
My name is Alvin.
1793
01:27:41,112 --> 01:27:42,599
Nice to meet you.
1794
01:28:05,132 --> 01:28:08,547
Oh no!
1795
01:28:09,936 --> 01:28:10,936
Oh, now...
1796
01:28:15,052 --> 01:28:16,695
Now I'm pissed.
1797
01:28:16,696 --> 01:28:20,857
Alvin, if he moves, I want
you to shoot him in the eye.
1798
01:28:20,858 --> 01:28:21,858
I got it.
1799
01:28:21,859 --> 01:28:22,935
The left eye.
1800
01:28:22,936 --> 01:28:25,269
My left or his left?
1801
01:28:25,270 --> 01:28:26,876
Dealer's choice.
1802
01:28:30,102 --> 01:28:31,102
My left.
1803
01:28:33,104 --> 01:28:36,907
Well, Julio, looks like
1804
01:28:36,908 --> 01:28:40,757
you have four
attempted murder charges.
1805
01:28:40,758 --> 01:28:43,780
You're really
ambitious, aren't you?
1806
01:28:43,781 --> 01:28:47,752
Well all that evidence,
is evidence against you too.
1807
01:28:47,753 --> 01:28:50,710
I hope you're in the
cell next to me, puto.
1808
01:28:50,711 --> 01:28:54,553
Yeah, well, you'll
probably get your wish.
1809
01:28:55,534 --> 01:28:57,167
Hey, Fowler.
1810
01:28:59,243 --> 01:29:01,301
Finally feel like a real cop.
1811
01:29:01,302 --> 01:29:02,776
Yeah.
1812
01:29:05,152 --> 01:29:06,152
Me too.
1813
01:29:07,246 --> 01:29:08,799
LAPD!
1814
01:29:09,861 --> 01:29:11,708
All right, everybody, freeze.
1815
01:29:11,709 --> 01:29:12,592
Fowler!
1816
01:29:12,593 --> 01:29:14,301
Captain, what the
hell are you doing here?
1817
01:29:14,302 --> 01:29:15,159
Well, the mayor called.
1818
01:29:15,160 --> 01:29:16,667
What's going on?
1819
01:29:16,668 --> 01:29:18,815
Bad guys doing bad guy stuff.
1820
01:29:18,816 --> 01:29:21,159
This whole place is
just full of evidence.
1821
01:29:21,160 --> 01:29:22,855
So is that folder.
1822
01:29:25,048 --> 01:29:26,924
Get them outta here.
1823
01:29:30,217 --> 01:29:32,658
Uh, Captain, that's nothing.
1824
01:29:32,659 --> 01:29:33,910
That's just my evidence.
1825
01:29:33,911 --> 01:29:35,969
Oh yeah, sure looks like it is.
1826
01:29:35,970 --> 01:29:37,630
Hey, where the hell's Alvin?
1827
01:29:38,677 --> 01:29:39,677
I'm right here.
1828
01:29:40,799 --> 01:29:43,612
Alvin took those first three
guys out with Mac's help.
1829
01:29:43,613 --> 01:29:46,798
The two dead guys,
that was all Sophie.
1830
01:29:46,799 --> 01:29:49,071
This, I just got
stabbed in the shoulder.
1831
01:29:49,072 --> 01:29:51,690
And that was all, all me.
1832
01:29:53,350 --> 01:29:54,858
The hell is that smell?
1833
01:29:55,594 --> 01:29:57,938
And what is on his chest?
1834
01:30:03,894 --> 01:30:06,244
That's our calling card, sir.
1835
01:30:06,245 --> 01:30:08,428
That's our calling card.
1836
01:30:13,994 --> 01:30:15,254
You're kinda disgusting.
1837
01:30:16,044 --> 01:30:17,044
Yeah.
1838
01:30:36,717 --> 01:30:39,267
Oh, Fowler!
1839
01:30:42,818 --> 01:30:43,997
Oh.
1840
01:30:43,998 --> 01:30:45,125
Sir, there it is.
1841
01:30:45,126 --> 01:30:47,290
Thank you...
Fowler, do you know
1842
01:30:47,291 --> 01:30:50,101
when your faith
in God is renewed?
1843
01:30:50,102 --> 01:30:51,876
Not even a little bit.
1844
01:30:51,877 --> 01:30:55,951
When something happens
that you've been praying for.
1845
01:30:57,123 --> 01:30:58,951
Do you know what this is?
1846
01:30:58,952 --> 01:30:59,938
Sir, it's...
1847
01:30:59,939 --> 01:31:01,410
It's a 10-year prison sentence
1848
01:31:01,411 --> 01:31:05,834
for a cop who I knew was
dirty, but I couldn't prove it.
1849
01:31:05,835 --> 01:31:08,088
I've already called IA.
1850
01:31:08,089 --> 01:31:10,982
I might even put you
in custody tonight.
1851
01:31:10,983 --> 01:31:13,458
In fact, Garrett Fowler,
1852
01:31:13,459 --> 01:31:16,334
you have the right
to remain silent...
1853
01:31:16,335 --> 01:31:19,725
Captain, I need Detective
Garrett right now!
1854
01:31:19,726 --> 01:31:21,942
The mayor called an
emergency press conference.
1855
01:31:21,943 --> 01:31:23,780
Oh, Detective
Fowler's unavailable.
1856
01:31:23,781 --> 01:31:24,722
He's about to...
Ooh!
1857
01:31:24,722 --> 01:31:25,722
She told me to grab this!
1858
01:31:25,722 --> 01:31:26,722
Thanks!
1859
01:31:45,717 --> 01:31:48,626
I have to go see
the mayor again.
1860
01:31:59,484 --> 01:32:03,823
This city owes a big debt
to the officers behind me.
1861
01:32:03,824 --> 01:32:05,474
They stopped a
menace to the city.
1862
01:32:05,475 --> 01:32:06,814
Let's give them a big hand.
1863
01:32:12,842 --> 01:32:16,359
Now, these officers
stopped three drug dealers
1864
01:32:16,360 --> 01:32:20,665
that were terrorizing the city
of Van Nuys and its citizens.
1865
01:32:21,348 --> 01:32:23,201
Garrett Fowler has been working
1866
01:32:23,202 --> 01:32:26,094
this case for 10
years undercover.
1867
01:32:26,095 --> 01:32:28,980
The evidence is ironclad.
1868
01:32:30,196 --> 01:32:32,014
These criminals
are gonna go away
1869
01:32:32,015 --> 01:32:34,297
for a very, very long time.
1870
01:32:34,945 --> 01:32:38,087
Now, some criminals
never go to jail
1871
01:32:39,187 --> 01:32:42,332
for the horrible, horrible
things that they do,
1872
01:32:42,333 --> 01:32:45,395
but because of Detective
Fowler and his
1873
01:32:46,336 --> 01:32:47,336
partners,
1874
01:32:47,904 --> 01:32:50,830
Van Nuys is a safer
place to live.
1875
01:32:50,831 --> 01:32:52,268
Let's give them another hand.
1876
01:32:55,100 --> 01:32:56,289
Yes, he is the best.
1877
01:32:56,290 --> 01:32:59,396
Just gets better and
better everyday, right?
1878
01:32:59,397 --> 01:33:00,913
Yep, better everyday.
1879
01:33:00,914 --> 01:33:02,251
You two need to get a room.
1880
01:33:02,252 --> 01:33:05,005
Wuh, wuh, wuh, we are.
1881
01:33:05,006 --> 01:33:08,142
The underground bunkers are
placed around the country,
1882
01:33:08,143 --> 01:33:11,542
Denver Airport, under
Tesla Motors factory,
1883
01:33:11,543 --> 01:33:13,089
and Giant's Stadium.
1884
01:33:13,551 --> 01:33:15,982
Did they embed the
chip in your arm yet?
1885
01:33:15,983 --> 01:33:17,455
I cut mine out.
1886
01:33:17,456 --> 01:33:18,456
Here.
1887
01:33:18,456 --> 01:33:19,409
Okay.
1888
01:33:19,409 --> 01:33:20,409
Wait.
1889
01:33:20,971 --> 01:33:23,048
Wait, you can
check for yourself!
1890
01:33:23,049 --> 01:33:24,388
Women.
1891
01:33:24,389 --> 01:33:27,158
Can't live with them,
can't live without them.
1892
01:33:27,159 --> 01:33:28,436
Can't bake cookies with them.
1893
01:33:28,437 --> 01:33:30,096
Can't take them
to men's bathroom.
1894
01:33:30,097 --> 01:33:31,097
Hi Alvin.
1895
01:33:32,002 --> 01:33:33,465
Hi Margie Pretty.
1896
01:33:34,193 --> 01:33:36,171
Pretty's not my last name.
1897
01:33:36,172 --> 01:33:37,172
Yes, it is.
1898
01:33:38,019 --> 01:33:39,019
Wow.
1899
01:33:39,906 --> 01:33:43,551
I canceled my subscription
to Hustler magazine.
1900
01:33:45,255 --> 01:33:47,146
Okay. Okay.
1901
01:33:55,338 --> 01:33:56,338
Oh, hi!
1902
01:33:56,978 --> 01:33:58,933
We are just so proud of you.
1903
01:33:58,934 --> 01:34:01,336
Is it okay if my son says hi?
1904
01:34:01,337 --> 01:34:04,638
Hi, I'm Billy and I wanna
be a detective just like you!
1905
01:34:04,639 --> 01:34:06,032
And shoot bad guys!
1906
01:34:06,033 --> 01:34:07,504
Bang, bang, bang!
Gun!
1907
01:34:27,326 --> 01:34:29,373
What the hell?
1908
01:34:29,374 --> 01:34:31,308
You guys working
with Make-A-Wish now?
1909
01:34:33,466 --> 01:34:36,017
LAPD is a carnival freak show!
1910
01:34:37,153 --> 01:34:38,857
The worst!
1911
01:34:40,899 --> 01:34:43,126
Good job, officers.
1912
01:34:43,127 --> 01:34:45,034
Have a safe night.
1913
01:34:52,124 --> 01:34:54,534
The hell happened to the car?
1914
01:34:54,535 --> 01:34:56,008
I upgraded.
1915
01:34:56,009 --> 01:34:57,387
Badass.
1916
01:34:57,388 --> 01:34:58,532
Morgan.
1917
01:34:58,533 --> 01:35:00,335
Yeah?
You're driving.
1918
01:35:02,040 --> 01:35:03,364
Let's roll.
1919
01:35:06,266 --> 01:35:07,266
Oh.
1920
01:35:10,047 --> 01:35:11,047
Wait!
1921
01:35:11,681 --> 01:35:13,696
God, you idiot.
1922
01:35:23,584 --> 01:35:25,956
Car 723, officers are requesting
1923
01:35:25,957 --> 01:35:27,554
an investigative team.
1924
01:35:27,555 --> 01:35:30,092
2100, block of Hatteras,
cross street, Tujunga.
1925
01:35:31,324 --> 01:35:33,444
This is Officer Morgan.
1926
01:35:33,445 --> 01:35:36,027
We, we have a, ha, ha, ha, ha...
1927
01:35:36,028 --> 01:35:37,550
Give me that!
1928
01:35:37,551 --> 01:35:40,186
♪ Pain inside my heart
1929
01:35:40,187 --> 01:35:42,745
♪ Trouble stay on my mind
1930
01:35:42,746 --> 01:35:45,381
♪ Everything falls apart
1931
01:35:45,382 --> 01:35:48,079
♪ It's happening all the time
1932
01:35:48,080 --> 01:35:50,565
♪ Living by Murphy's Law
1933
01:35:50,566 --> 01:35:53,308
♪ Trying to have it all
1934
01:35:53,309 --> 01:35:56,015
♪ Running from instant karma
1935
01:35:56,016 --> 01:35:58,245
♪ Every man's bound to fall
1936
01:35:58,246 --> 01:36:00,420
♪ Life is short,
the grind is long
1937
01:36:00,421 --> 01:36:03,269
♪ Some of my very
best friends are gone
1938
01:36:03,270 --> 01:36:05,488
♪ My hustle's strong,
my money's all spent
1939
01:36:05,489 --> 01:36:08,071
♪ On buying bitches,
titties, and drugs and rent
1940
01:36:08,072 --> 01:36:10,672
♪ Work a double shift
grind, I can't save a dime
1941
01:36:10,673 --> 01:36:15,199
♪ My daughter needs
medicine I just can't afford
1942
01:36:15,200 --> 01:36:16,708
He's also naked, so basically,
1943
01:36:16,709 --> 01:36:18,226
he came after me
with two hammers.
1944
01:36:21,094 --> 01:36:23,605
You guys, I got to say
that after working
1945
01:36:23,606 --> 01:36:24,573
with you guys for four weeks,
1946
01:36:24,574 --> 01:36:26,570
I'm still pretty sure
you idiots are gonna get
1947
01:36:26,571 --> 01:36:28,097
me killed, but
1948
01:36:28,639 --> 01:36:29,667
I'm impressed.
1949
01:36:29,668 --> 01:36:31,096
Damn right, you are.
1950
01:36:31,097 --> 01:36:32,097
You should be.
1951
01:36:32,615 --> 01:36:34,008
Hello, what would you like?
1952
01:36:34,009 --> 01:36:36,653
I'm gonna have the
Baja Burrito and a Bud.
1953
01:36:36,654 --> 01:36:39,760
May I say, you are
a saint for working
1954
01:36:39,761 --> 01:36:41,127
with these kind of people.
1955
01:36:41,128 --> 01:36:42,440
Them and their kind,
they have every right
1956
01:36:42,441 --> 01:36:44,065
to be out in public,
no matter how bad
1957
01:36:44,066 --> 01:36:45,760
they creep people out, yeah.
1958
01:36:45,761 --> 01:36:47,500
So what will they have?
1959
01:36:47,501 --> 01:36:51,512
Fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh,
fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh,
1960
01:36:51,513 --> 01:36:54,619
fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh,
fuh, fuh, fuh...
1961
01:36:54,620 --> 01:36:55,799
Stop it!
1962
01:36:55,800 --> 01:36:59,225
Fuh...
Stop your tantrum right now!
1963
01:36:59,226 --> 01:37:02,775
You guys, I am tired
of your tantrums.
1964
01:37:02,776 --> 01:37:06,760
I will not have you
guys destroy this place.
1965
01:37:06,761 --> 01:37:07,720
Destroy?
1966
01:37:07,721 --> 01:37:10,542
Yeah, I take them on
these trips all the time
1967
01:37:10,543 --> 01:37:12,326
to get them out in
public so they don't act
1968
01:37:12,327 --> 01:37:13,631
like those people like you said.
1969
01:37:13,632 --> 01:37:15,761
I know what you're
talking about.
1970
01:37:15,762 --> 01:37:18,362
And they have
trashed every place
1971
01:37:18,363 --> 01:37:21,531
I have taken them to,
and I am tired of it!
1972
01:37:21,532 --> 01:37:24,247
This is a very,
very, very nice lady,
1973
01:37:24,248 --> 01:37:27,628
and she does not need a bunch of
gimps
1974
01:37:27,629 --> 01:37:30,211
messing her place up!
1975
01:37:30,212 --> 01:37:32,084
Oh my.
Do you got it?
1976
01:37:32,085 --> 01:37:33,442
Can you stop it?
1977
01:37:33,443 --> 01:37:36,398
Well, as long as you don't
use their trigger word.
1978
01:37:36,399 --> 01:37:37,399
What is it?
1979
01:37:40,239 --> 01:37:43,229
Starts with an R
and ends with a D.
1980
01:37:43,230 --> 01:37:44,427
All right, and D, R and D.
1981
01:37:44,428 --> 01:37:45,428
Oh, retard.
1982
01:37:49,824 --> 01:37:53,107
You said it. You said it.
1983
01:37:53,108 --> 01:37:55,505
Why'd you say it? Don't say it!
1984
01:37:56,570 --> 01:37:58,140
No. No, please.
1985
01:37:58,141 --> 01:37:59,516
Please, no. Please.
1986
01:37:59,517 --> 01:38:00,517
Oh! No!
1987
01:38:01,541 --> 01:38:02,428
No, please!
1988
01:38:02,429 --> 01:38:04,309
No, please stop!
1989
01:38:04,310 --> 01:38:05,189
Oh!
1990
01:38:05,190 --> 01:38:06,377
No! Oh!
1991
01:38:06,378 --> 01:38:07,602
No, please!
1992
01:38:07,603 --> 01:38:08,917
Please, no!
1993
01:38:12,207 --> 01:38:15,920
Our kind are so unpredictable!
1994
01:38:16,249 --> 01:38:19,589
Apologies for our rude behavior.
1995
01:38:19,590 --> 01:38:23,043
We were a, a, atrocious.
1996
01:38:23,371 --> 01:38:24,757
Sorry.
1997
01:38:24,758 --> 01:38:27,394
Yeah, I know that everybody left
1998
01:38:27,395 --> 01:38:29,843
and they probably didn't tip.
1999
01:38:29,844 --> 01:38:32,463
So this, all of it, is for you.
2000
01:38:34,886 --> 01:38:38,331
Sorry you had to deal
with those people.
2001
01:38:44,198 --> 01:38:45,820
You!
2002
01:38:50,802 --> 01:38:53,749
You don't deserve
your own Olympics!
136795
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