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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,689 Who are the mentally retarded? 2 00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:26,984 About 800,000 with disabilities are unemployed 3 00:00:26,985 --> 00:00:28,736 even though they're able to work. 4 00:00:28,737 --> 00:00:29,945 In most communities, 5 00:00:29,946 --> 00:00:32,489 ambulance crews will not handle disturbed people. 6 00:00:32,490 --> 00:00:34,867 Unemployment for the disabled is discouraging. 7 00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:36,702 And speaking of jobs, 8 00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:38,746 most people if they believe they are able 9 00:00:38,747 --> 00:00:41,665 to perform any useful work at all, 10 00:00:41,666 --> 00:00:43,876 probably think of them only in terms 11 00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:47,004 of the most simple manual operations. 12 00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:48,756 It is estimated that one million 13 00:00:48,757 --> 00:00:51,341 with a disability can't find work. 14 00:00:51,342 --> 00:00:52,718 They told her to get out. 15 00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:54,762 Their ability to learn will vary according 16 00:00:54,763 --> 00:00:56,764 to the training, experience, 17 00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:59,016 and personal dedication of the teacher. 18 00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:01,351 They claim the DOJ is looking into whether 19 00:01:01,352 --> 00:01:04,021 the school violated the Federal Disabilities Act. 20 00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:05,856 People with physical handicaps get to be 21 00:01:05,857 --> 00:01:07,649 even President of the United States. 22 00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:09,068 Uh, I don't know what I said! 23 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:11,070 Uh, I don't remember! 24 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:12,821 When a policeman gets hurt handling 25 00:01:12,822 --> 00:01:15,407 a mentally disturbed person, 26 00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:16,825 it's mostly because he has tried 27 00:01:16,826 --> 00:01:19,036 to handle the whole deal by himself. 28 00:01:46,689 --> 00:01:49,650 ♪ Everybody meets their maker 29 00:01:49,651 --> 00:01:52,778 ♪ Everyone, they feel the fire 30 00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:55,656 ♪ Everybody's on the taking 31 00:01:55,657 --> 00:01:58,700 ♪ Everyone's a fucking liar 32 00:01:58,701 --> 00:02:01,662 ♪ Everyone's another suspect 33 00:02:01,663 --> 00:02:04,665 ♪ Everybody's on the run 34 00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:07,584 ♪ Everybody fears the box and 35 00:02:07,585 --> 00:02:11,339 ♪ Everyone respects the gun 36 00:02:19,722 --> 00:02:23,476 ♪ Everyone respects the gun 37 00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:25,394 Woo. 38 00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:29,606 They grew these boys in a lab. 39 00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:30,607 Steroids? 40 00:02:30,608 --> 00:02:31,942 I don't know. 41 00:02:31,943 --> 00:02:33,652 I'd have to feel their nut sacks. 42 00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:35,070 Yeah. What? 43 00:02:35,071 --> 00:02:36,613 Yeah, Roids. 44 00:02:36,614 --> 00:02:40,492 Turns your testiculars into tiny packing peanuts. 45 00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:42,453 Why do you know that? 46 00:02:43,913 --> 00:02:45,706 There's no good answer. 47 00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:46,832 You know, forget I asked. 48 00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:47,833 Okay. 49 00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:53,839 Gentlemen. 50 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,465 Nice outfit. 51 00:02:55,466 --> 00:02:57,586 Now, do you prefer Darth or the more formal Mr. Vader? 52 00:02:58,845 --> 00:02:59,970 Yeah, outfit's so black, 53 00:02:59,971 --> 00:03:04,558 you could have a civil rights protest in your pants. 54 00:03:04,559 --> 00:03:06,352 Jerome, it's fine. 55 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,896 Welcome to Los Angeles. 56 00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:10,063 We're here to help you. 57 00:03:10,064 --> 00:03:12,399 Yeah, and why should I trust you? 58 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:13,859 Well, you shouldn't 'cause we're criminals, 59 00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:17,905 but I want you to know, just trust that you can trust us. 60 00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:21,491 I never trust trusting people. 61 00:03:21,492 --> 00:03:22,869 I'm not a truster. 62 00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:27,206 Well, this guy could write greeting cards. 63 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:29,416 Now that we're all nice and snugly, are we gonna do this? 64 00:03:29,417 --> 00:03:30,709 Yeah, he's right, let's get to business. 65 00:03:30,710 --> 00:03:31,877 Deal's off. 66 00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:33,503 Because of a couple of mild insults? 67 00:03:33,504 --> 00:03:35,797 My god, we got to drug dealer with a self-esteem problem. 68 00:03:35,798 --> 00:03:37,078 If you want, we can pay in hugs. 69 00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:39,134 The deal's off. 70 00:03:39,135 --> 00:03:40,969 Come on, the truck is right there waiting 71 00:03:40,970 --> 00:03:42,596 to get turned into money! 72 00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:43,722 Let's do this! 73 00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:46,600 Whoa! See, I don't see a truck. 74 00:03:46,601 --> 00:03:47,768 I see cops. 75 00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:49,228 The hell are you babbling about? 76 00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,481 Todd Parker, LAPD. 77 00:03:52,523 --> 00:03:55,234 Now, I didn't find anything on you, 78 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,110 but that don't mean you ain't a piggy too. 79 00:03:57,111 --> 00:03:58,654 You do have trust issues. 80 00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:01,824 Your step-mama should've breastfed you. 81 00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:03,910 Nobody move. 82 00:04:09,791 --> 00:04:12,125 Mother... 83 00:04:12,126 --> 00:04:13,877 You're a cop? 84 00:04:13,878 --> 00:04:15,796 You're a cop? 85 00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:22,511 What are you... 86 00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:25,013 Now, that's eight shots. 87 00:04:25,014 --> 00:04:28,016 That means I got just enough to double tap you 88 00:04:28,017 --> 00:04:30,103 and that pleather jacket. 89 00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:33,063 What now? 90 00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:36,025 You're a cop. 91 00:04:37,568 --> 00:04:39,611 Oh, you're crazy. 92 00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:42,823 Either way, that's bad for business. 93 00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:44,075 That's what now. 94 00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:48,870 Torch it. 95 00:04:48,871 --> 00:04:49,747 Oh no. 96 00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:50,748 No! 97 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,291 No! No! 98 00:04:56,170 --> 00:04:57,463 Fowler! 99 00:04:57,588 --> 00:04:58,506 Fowler! 100 00:04:58,506 --> 00:04:59,506 Wake up! 101 00:05:00,049 --> 00:05:01,258 Fowler! 102 00:05:01,259 --> 00:05:02,592 Fowler, wake up! 103 00:05:02,593 --> 00:05:04,052 Fowler! 104 00:05:04,053 --> 00:05:05,137 Captain. 105 00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:06,722 Captain, arrest me right now. 106 00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:08,056 What? 107 00:05:08,057 --> 00:05:09,224 You got to arrest me right now. 108 00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:10,767 They got cameras all over this place. 109 00:05:10,768 --> 00:05:11,893 You can make it look good. Fowler, it's over. 110 00:05:11,894 --> 00:05:12,978 They're gone. 111 00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:13,979 I'm sorry, Captain. 112 00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:21,862 Captain, rough me up. 113 00:05:21,863 --> 00:05:23,103 You got to rough me up right... 114 00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:29,161 Perfect, that's... 115 00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:40,273 Next time, warn a guy if you're gonna kick him 116 00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:41,733 in the backup singers. 117 00:06:41,734 --> 00:06:43,110 Sorry, Captain, I was trying 118 00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:45,362 to not blow cover like dumb ass here. 119 00:06:45,363 --> 00:06:46,530 How is he? How is he? 120 00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:48,115 He's shot, you piece of shit! 121 00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:49,282 I want him gone! 122 00:06:49,283 --> 00:06:50,242 You're out, Fowler! 123 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:51,368 I already called my union rep... 124 00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:52,744 Really, is that what you did? 125 00:06:52,745 --> 00:06:53,703 Fowler! 126 00:06:53,704 --> 00:06:54,955 Okay, fine. 127 00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:56,206 Let's talk about the master 128 00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:58,625 undercover officer in front of us. 129 00:06:58,626 --> 00:07:01,920 You suck so bad, they had a folder on you. 130 00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:03,046 They had your email. 131 00:07:03,047 --> 00:07:04,714 They had your prostate measurements, 132 00:07:04,715 --> 00:07:06,007 which you should probably check again 133 00:07:06,008 --> 00:07:08,051 while your head is still up your ass! 134 00:07:08,052 --> 00:07:08,970 They had your address. 135 00:07:08,971 --> 00:07:10,303 They had your phone number. 136 00:07:10,304 --> 00:07:13,056 They had your ex-girlfriend's sexual preference, 137 00:07:13,057 --> 00:07:15,142 and you know what, it ain't you! 138 00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:17,144 I saved your life tonight. 139 00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:19,396 You're lucky that I shot you in the leg and the vest, 140 00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:21,022 instead of the head! 141 00:07:21,023 --> 00:07:22,441 You wanna go? 142 00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:23,817 I'll kill you right here, 143 00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:24,943 you piece of shit! Let's go, bring it! 144 00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:26,153 Let me get up there! Let's go! 145 00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:27,320 Come on, any time! I'll kill you, 146 00:07:27,321 --> 00:07:28,447 you son of a bitch! Any time, any time! 147 00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:29,157 Let's do this! I got you, Fowler! 148 00:07:29,158 --> 00:07:30,699 Right here! 149 00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:31,700 I'm gonna sock... All you got, all you got! 150 00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:32,784 Yeah, watch this! 151 00:07:35,913 --> 00:07:36,913 Hey! 152 00:07:39,041 --> 00:07:42,420 What the hell is wrong with you? 153 00:07:44,797 --> 00:07:46,047 What? Right. 154 00:07:46,048 --> 00:07:47,299 Enough of this. 155 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,300 Outside! 156 00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:57,350 I can't do this anymore. 157 00:07:57,351 --> 00:07:58,977 Well, then find me a decent partner. 158 00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:00,937 Well, that's a tall order, Fowler, 159 00:08:00,938 --> 00:08:02,939 because you're a violent, arrogant douche bag 160 00:08:02,940 --> 00:08:04,816 that thinks about nothing but himself. 161 00:08:04,817 --> 00:08:07,027 I like puppies. 162 00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:08,445 There's no one left. 163 00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:10,238 If I put you in parking enforcement, 164 00:08:10,239 --> 00:08:11,907 you'd get shot by a meter maid. 165 00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:13,867 That baby wasn't mine. 166 00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:15,285 What? She slept with anybody 167 00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:16,913 who had a nice car. 168 00:08:18,414 --> 00:08:21,291 You got a meter maid pregnant? 169 00:08:21,292 --> 00:08:23,169 You didn't know that. 170 00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:27,964 That cutie that works the beach in Santa Monica? 171 00:08:27,965 --> 00:08:28,965 Mikayla? 172 00:08:28,966 --> 00:08:29,966 Monster Mikayla? 173 00:08:29,967 --> 00:08:31,426 She's as big as me. 174 00:08:31,427 --> 00:08:33,011 Just Mikayla, sir. 175 00:08:33,012 --> 00:08:36,306 And she has a thyroid thing, like you. 176 00:08:36,307 --> 00:08:39,351 Aggravated by a cheesecake thing, like you. 177 00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:41,729 You really are a lowlife. 178 00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:44,357 Sir, what about my car? 179 00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,357 It's 35 grand. 180 00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:48,902 Sir, am I on the precinct's insurance or not? 181 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:52,405 I'm gonna need something from you guys! 182 00:08:52,406 --> 00:08:54,741 Go fuck yourself, Fowler! 183 00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:05,168 I can't do it. 184 00:09:05,169 --> 00:09:06,378 Say it's a demo. 185 00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:07,255 It's not. 186 00:09:07,256 --> 00:09:08,838 That's why you say it. 187 00:09:08,839 --> 00:09:11,091 Because of that fight with your wife was assault, 188 00:09:11,092 --> 00:09:13,927 but in my report, I said it wasn't. 189 00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:16,221 Garrett, she chased me with a bat. 190 00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:17,847 And she fell down the stairs and got hurt, 191 00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:19,266 which, again, with my testimony, 192 00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:21,142 would totally be seen as assault. 193 00:09:21,143 --> 00:09:22,352 She was drunk and on molly 194 00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:23,979 she got from her new girlfriend. 195 00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:26,815 Well, that means she's part of the LGBT community, 196 00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:28,858 which makes her a hero. 197 00:09:28,859 --> 00:09:31,444 But it also means you committed a hate crime. 198 00:09:31,445 --> 00:09:34,197 Oh my god, I feel a tear coming on. 199 00:09:34,198 --> 00:09:35,074 Don't cry, Garrett. 200 00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:36,033 Hold it back, Garrett. 201 00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:38,327 Save it for... the jury. 202 00:09:39,287 --> 00:09:41,496 ♪ Go on, honey, shake your moneymaker 203 00:09:41,497 --> 00:09:44,082 ♪ Baby I'm a sinner, all I've done is wrong 204 00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:47,002 ♪ Everybody clap your hands, sing a simple song 205 00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:49,504 ♪ Whiskey it spills and we all get along 206 00:09:49,505 --> 00:09:52,173 ♪ But Louis keep it real, take a hit from the bong 207 00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:57,554 ♪ Three times a lady, easy like Sunday morning 208 00:09:57,555 --> 00:10:00,265 ♪ On and on until the break of dawn 209 00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:03,018 ♪ Hot butter on, say what, the popcorn 210 00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:05,604 ♪ Yes, yes, y'all and creditors calling 211 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:09,357 ♪ Dow Jones falling, push your chips all in 212 00:10:09,358 --> 00:10:10,359 Garrett. 213 00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:12,862 Garrett, Garrett. 214 00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:20,952 Well, how's it going, sexy? 215 00:10:20,953 --> 00:10:22,370 It's Madam Mayor. 216 00:10:22,371 --> 00:10:23,496 Madam Mayor Sexy. 217 00:10:23,497 --> 00:10:25,248 Well, that's kinda cocky, don't you think? 218 00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:27,459 I heard you lost another partner. 219 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:28,460 I didn't lose him. 220 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:29,461 I shot him. 221 00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,255 Do you keep track of all your ex-boyfriends? 222 00:10:32,256 --> 00:10:34,466 Hm-mm, just your ex-boyfriends. 223 00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:36,468 See, I have to keep track of the worst cop 224 00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:38,970 so I can take out the trash. 225 00:10:38,971 --> 00:10:41,139 Tara, we were 10 years ago. 226 00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:42,432 You got to let go of this anger 227 00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:44,225 'cause it's making your boobs droop. 228 00:10:44,226 --> 00:10:45,061 Watch it. 229 00:10:45,062 --> 00:10:47,437 We don't talk about the mayor's boobs. 230 00:10:47,438 --> 00:10:49,022 I bet you do. 231 00:10:49,023 --> 00:10:49,732 It's fine. 232 00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:50,899 It's fine. 233 00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:53,234 I just had a meeting with your captain. 234 00:10:53,235 --> 00:10:56,279 He's gonna help me keep my city clean. 235 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:57,990 Get rid of the scum. 236 00:10:58,949 --> 00:11:00,076 Be good, lover. 237 00:11:10,211 --> 00:11:13,004 I just smashed a Pinocchio! 238 00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:15,006 Do you know how hard it is to get 239 00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:18,176 an actual authentic, mini, ceramic, kiln fired 240 00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:20,345 in the fucking Netherlands Pinocchio? 241 00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:21,930 Yes, sir, it's why I started drinking. 242 00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:24,516 You see, my therapist, my therapist suggested 243 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:27,269 that I start to collect figurines 244 00:11:28,312 --> 00:11:31,022 to help me with my stress. 245 00:11:31,023 --> 00:11:32,273 But it made me nuts. 246 00:11:32,274 --> 00:11:33,608 You know what I do now? 247 00:11:33,609 --> 00:11:34,609 I throw 'em! 248 00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:36,403 Because I feel better when I see 249 00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:38,238 their little heads crack open! 250 00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:40,323 Well, we are all glad you're in charge, sir. 251 00:11:41,492 --> 00:11:43,284 Sit down! 252 00:11:43,285 --> 00:11:45,203 You got IA sniffing all over this place 253 00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:48,081 because you shot your partner! 254 00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:49,666 Repeatedly! 255 00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:51,251 I should just shut you down! 256 00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:52,460 You can't shut me down 257 00:11:52,461 --> 00:11:53,962 'cause you can't make something stick, sir. 258 00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:55,088 Oh yes, I can! 259 00:11:55,089 --> 00:11:56,464 And I don't give a donkey's sack 260 00:11:56,465 --> 00:11:59,384 that the mayor is your ex-girlfriend. 261 00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:00,552 There you go. 262 00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:03,347 As per the mayor, that's your new job. 263 00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:08,643 Fairness and Disabilities Act. 264 00:12:08,644 --> 00:12:10,019 Handicapped cadets. 265 00:12:12,523 --> 00:12:13,982 Handicapped police officers?! 266 00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:20,196 Come on! 267 00:12:20,197 --> 00:12:21,364 Are you kidding me? 268 00:12:21,365 --> 00:12:24,952 We, the LAPD, are gonna give wobblies guns? 269 00:12:25,661 --> 00:12:27,495 It was a pilot program. 270 00:12:27,496 --> 00:12:29,539 They passed all their requirements, 271 00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:31,207 but nobody got put on the force. 272 00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:33,543 Three years later, the ACLU sued. 273 00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:35,462 So, here we are. 274 00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:38,131 Hey, very high test scores. 275 00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:39,716 Better than you. 276 00:12:39,717 --> 00:12:41,593 Technically, they're cops. 277 00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:44,012 No, they're not cops. 278 00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:44,764 I'm a cop. 279 00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:46,765 Know how I know that? 280 00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:49,684 Because I don't have to empty my bag every three hours. 281 00:12:49,685 --> 00:12:51,144 I'm not doing this. 282 00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:53,229 I will not wipe drool and spend three hours 283 00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:55,231 a day explaining ceiling fan. 284 00:12:55,232 --> 00:12:56,983 You are gonna do this! 285 00:12:56,984 --> 00:12:58,693 Or I am gonna put you in a parking lot, 286 00:12:58,694 --> 00:13:02,697 chasing skateboarders from a fucking golf cart! 287 00:13:02,698 --> 00:13:04,616 So I'm boned. 288 00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:08,578 Like a skeleton getting a lap dance. 289 00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:09,455 Ah, ha! 290 00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:10,456 Don't you dare! 291 00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:12,248 Only I get to do that. 292 00:13:12,249 --> 00:13:13,250 Put it down. 293 00:13:31,268 --> 00:13:33,645 ♪ Praise your God, Lord have mercy 294 00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:36,397 ♪ My mother warned me, my father cursed me 295 00:13:36,398 --> 00:13:38,483 ♪ Grand design, time to meet your maker 296 00:14:07,429 --> 00:14:09,682 It's okay. I hit some ice. 297 00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:14,687 Do me a favor, park it some place nice. 298 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:19,023 ♪ Praise your God, Lord have mercy 299 00:14:19,024 --> 00:14:21,651 ♪ My mother warned me, my father cursed me 300 00:14:21,652 --> 00:14:24,445 ♪ Grand design, time to meet your maker 301 00:14:24,446 --> 00:14:26,781 ♪ Go on, honey, shake your moneymaker 302 00:14:26,782 --> 00:14:29,659 ♪ Baby, don't be lazy, come get your paper 303 00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:32,161 ♪ Go on, honey, shake your moneymaker 304 00:14:32,162 --> 00:14:35,123 ♪ Walk a little road, see where it gonna take ya 305 00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:37,458 ♪ Go on, honey, shake your moneymaker 306 00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:56,311 Fowler! 307 00:14:58,439 --> 00:15:00,106 You look like fried ass. 308 00:15:00,107 --> 00:15:01,316 Yeah, because of this, 309 00:15:01,317 --> 00:15:03,151 I was up all night flirting with suicide. 310 00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:04,527 Flirting? 311 00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:05,778 You got to follow through. 312 00:15:05,779 --> 00:15:07,488 All right, come on, you ready for this? 313 00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:08,781 You know what, sir, yeah, I'm ready for this. 314 00:15:08,782 --> 00:15:09,617 Sure. You know why? 315 00:15:09,618 --> 00:15:10,700 'Cause I was born ready! 316 00:15:10,701 --> 00:15:12,578 Holy shit. 317 00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:18,541 Make good choices. 318 00:15:21,545 --> 00:15:22,546 Morning! 319 00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:27,759 My name is Detective Fowler. 320 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,678 This is a police station. 321 00:15:30,679 --> 00:15:32,889 Today, we're gonna find out 322 00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:36,477 why you guys want to be police detectives. 323 00:15:37,811 --> 00:15:40,813 Now, if you need to go to the bathroom... 324 00:15:40,814 --> 00:15:42,690 Don't, don't, don't worry. 325 00:15:42,691 --> 00:15:46,861 We're all wuh, wuh, wuh, wearing da, diapers. 326 00:15:46,862 --> 00:15:50,282 We can interview while we puh, puh, pee. 327 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,744 Is that Pu-, puke on your shirt? 328 00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:56,663 Huh. 329 00:15:56,664 --> 00:15:58,581 I thought that smell was you guys. 330 00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:04,629 Let's get started. 331 00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:06,881 Okay, uh, well, you're up. 332 00:16:06,882 --> 00:16:08,508 Let's go, Evel Knievel. 333 00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:09,510 Yeah! 334 00:16:21,438 --> 00:16:22,647 Perfect. 335 00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:24,273 Why do you wanna be a detective? 336 00:16:24,274 --> 00:16:25,483 The word midget... 337 00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:28,569 I wanna take down bad guys! 338 00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:30,613 Pow, pow, pow! 339 00:16:30,614 --> 00:16:31,781 I'm offended! 340 00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:33,866 I outscored everyone in the program! 341 00:16:33,867 --> 00:16:34,743 That's impressive. 342 00:16:34,744 --> 00:16:36,327 Fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh, 343 00:16:36,328 --> 00:16:38,830 fucking damn right it's impressive. 344 00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,915 What kind of mouthwash is that? 345 00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:42,250 Mexican. 346 00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:44,168 I'm just a pawn in the 9/11 coverup. 347 00:16:44,169 --> 00:16:46,462 Well, I love your enthusiasm. 348 00:16:46,463 --> 00:16:47,755 When the shit goes down... 349 00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:52,343 I can mount a shotgun to my wheelchair. 350 00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:56,514 And fire it by blowing into my... 351 00:16:59,601 --> 00:17:00,768 Tube. 352 00:17:00,769 --> 00:17:04,605 No one scored hoy, ha, higher in cruh, 353 00:17:04,606 --> 00:17:06,442 cruh, cruh, cruh, 354 00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:08,277 cruh, cruh, cruh, 355 00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:10,487 cruh, cruh, criminology! 356 00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:16,493 Now I'm auditioning for the defective detectives! 357 00:17:20,914 --> 00:17:23,291 Bureaucratic butt rangers! 358 00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:24,667 One more question. 359 00:17:24,668 --> 00:17:27,920 Yes, my penis still works. 360 00:17:27,921 --> 00:17:29,589 Okay, two more questions. 361 00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:30,590 Blow 'em up! 362 00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:32,383 Shoot them in the face. 363 00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:33,885 Can you do a wheelie? 364 00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:40,850 Yeah. 365 00:17:52,279 --> 00:17:53,946 Don't touch me. 366 00:17:53,947 --> 00:17:55,615 I don't like to be touched. 367 00:17:55,616 --> 00:17:57,242 It makes me weird. 368 00:17:58,702 --> 00:17:59,828 Define weird. 369 00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:05,500 Do you want me to crawl 370 00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:07,543 into your bed at night and make you itch? 371 00:18:07,544 --> 00:18:09,879 Beep, bay beep, beep, beep, 372 00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,632 bay beep, bay beep, beep, bee... 373 00:18:12,633 --> 00:18:13,634 Pow! Pow! 374 00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:15,510 Pow! 375 00:18:16,887 --> 00:18:19,223 No! 376 00:18:19,556 --> 00:18:21,265 This is bullshit! 377 00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:30,817 I know everything in the whole world. 378 00:18:30,818 --> 00:18:33,737 Thank you for clearing that up. 379 00:18:42,412 --> 00:18:43,247 Hi! 380 00:18:43,248 --> 00:18:44,956 How did my Alvin do? 381 00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:45,957 Oh, he was great. 382 00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:47,625 He didn't vomit or masturbate. 383 00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:49,877 You should be really, really proud. 384 00:18:49,878 --> 00:18:52,046 Thank you for giving them a chance. 385 00:18:52,047 --> 00:18:53,881 Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. 386 00:18:53,882 --> 00:18:55,007 I love the wobblies, honey. 387 00:18:55,008 --> 00:18:56,343 I'm fulfilled. 388 00:18:58,637 --> 00:18:59,887 Fowler! 389 00:18:59,888 --> 00:19:00,888 Ah! 390 00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:03,808 We got four yet? 391 00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:05,351 Three. 392 00:19:05,352 --> 00:19:06,894 And if that is the cream of God's genetic misfires, 393 00:19:06,895 --> 00:19:08,855 then God is a vengeful prick. 394 00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:10,523 Really Old Testament. 395 00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:11,899 Cap. 396 00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:14,443 About Krasnov and Gutierrez, well, we found their car 397 00:19:14,444 --> 00:19:16,737 and the underside was covered with this red grainy mud. 398 00:19:16,738 --> 00:19:17,738 But no sign of them. 399 00:19:17,739 --> 00:19:18,948 Well, what'd the lab say? 400 00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:21,742 Dirt has a really high percentage of magnesium and lye. 401 00:19:21,743 --> 00:19:23,661 Barstow and Richmond. 402 00:19:23,662 --> 00:19:24,954 What? Barstow and Richmond, 403 00:19:24,955 --> 00:19:28,292 the soil is high in lye and magnesium. 404 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:30,418 And dirt. 405 00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:31,836 Alvin knows everything. 406 00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:34,714 Yeah, he kept telling me that over and over and over. 407 00:19:34,715 --> 00:19:36,716 He's read reference books his whole life 408 00:19:36,717 --> 00:19:37,967 and has a photographic memory, 409 00:19:37,968 --> 00:19:41,345 so if he sees it, he can't forget it. 410 00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:42,346 Huh. 411 00:19:42,973 --> 00:19:43,974 Aw. 412 00:19:44,975 --> 00:19:46,559 Fine. 413 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:47,560 We got four. 414 00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:53,774 Shoot him! 415 00:19:53,775 --> 00:19:56,736 He also read every martial arts book he could find. 416 00:19:56,737 --> 00:19:58,654 He touched me Mama... 417 00:19:58,655 --> 00:20:00,656 Now, I'm going to poop on him. 418 00:20:00,657 --> 00:20:02,450 Sorry about that. 419 00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:04,702 His father also got him a subscription to Hustler magazine. 420 00:20:04,703 --> 00:20:05,662 He read every one. 421 00:20:05,663 --> 00:20:07,413 Probably a mistake. 422 00:20:07,414 --> 00:20:08,581 Shoot him. 423 00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:09,708 Honey, look. 424 00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:14,713 Okay, we got four. 425 00:20:16,506 --> 00:20:17,506 Four? 426 00:20:18,508 --> 00:20:19,634 He almost killed me! 427 00:20:19,635 --> 00:20:20,968 I said we got four! 428 00:20:20,969 --> 00:20:23,429 Okay, Barstow and Richmond, you two check it out. 429 00:20:23,430 --> 00:20:26,098 You, come in tomorrow sober enough to fight Rain Man. 430 00:20:26,099 --> 00:20:27,808 You think he could count cards? 431 00:20:27,809 --> 00:20:29,728 Ah, you're a scumbag. 432 00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:31,646 Alvin! 433 00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:37,151 Hello? 434 00:20:37,152 --> 00:20:40,029 Hey, Madam Mayor Sexy. 435 00:20:41,031 --> 00:20:42,907 What do you want, Fowler? 436 00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:45,410 What I have always wanted. 437 00:20:47,996 --> 00:20:48,996 You. 438 00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:51,540 That is so sweet. 439 00:20:51,541 --> 00:20:52,917 You're still in charge with the special little soldiers. 440 00:20:52,918 --> 00:20:54,085 Oh, come on, retards? 441 00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:56,170 Tara, you gave me retards! 442 00:20:56,171 --> 00:20:59,465 They like the term disabled, so use it. 443 00:20:59,466 --> 00:21:01,467 And, Fowler, make this work. 444 00:21:01,468 --> 00:21:02,802 Get me good press. 445 00:21:02,803 --> 00:21:06,639 Or you'll end up painting houses in Sylmar. 446 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:07,641 I hate you. 447 00:21:08,642 --> 00:21:11,394 Well, then this worked like it was supposed to. 448 00:21:11,395 --> 00:21:12,395 Goodnight. 449 00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:15,564 Tara, wait, no. 450 00:21:15,565 --> 00:21:16,899 Listen, you can't do this to me! 451 00:21:16,900 --> 00:21:18,943 Tara, I got to tell you, look, look... 452 00:21:22,489 --> 00:21:23,948 Hello? 453 00:21:23,949 --> 00:21:24,950 Tara! 454 00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:35,043 God! 455 00:21:46,013 --> 00:21:47,805 You have too many blue ones anyway. 456 00:21:50,934 --> 00:21:53,769 ♪ My mother warned me, my father cursed me 457 00:21:53,770 --> 00:21:56,230 ♪ Grand design, time to meet your maker 458 00:21:56,231 --> 00:21:57,231 ♪ Come on, honey... 459 00:22:08,785 --> 00:22:11,079 Well, only 43 minutes late. 460 00:22:12,247 --> 00:22:13,914 Is it Black Friday at the liquor store? 461 00:22:13,915 --> 00:22:16,959 Good morning, and no, I am on a natural high and... 462 00:22:17,961 --> 00:22:19,128 Vicodin. 463 00:22:19,129 --> 00:22:19,921 Score! 464 00:22:19,922 --> 00:22:21,130 Good to see you, sir. 465 00:22:21,131 --> 00:22:23,550 And Vicodin caused Vietnam. 466 00:22:26,303 --> 00:22:27,720 Yeah. 467 00:22:27,721 --> 00:22:28,597 Yeah, okay. 468 00:22:28,598 --> 00:22:30,014 Listen, um, just so you know, 469 00:22:30,015 --> 00:22:31,932 you're the first retarded squad in existence. 470 00:22:31,933 --> 00:22:34,018 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 471 00:22:34,019 --> 00:22:36,020 Fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh- 472 00:22:36,021 --> 00:22:37,021 Fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh- 473 00:22:37,022 --> 00:22:39,066 Fuh, fuh, fuh, fuck you! 474 00:22:40,275 --> 00:22:42,610 We're not ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, retarded! 475 00:22:42,611 --> 00:22:44,070 That's telling him! 476 00:22:44,071 --> 00:22:45,321 Finally! 477 00:22:45,322 --> 00:22:47,281 Hey, fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh... 478 00:22:47,282 --> 00:22:48,616 I got it! 479 00:22:48,617 --> 00:22:49,742 Don't drop a nut. 480 00:22:49,743 --> 00:22:50,993 I don't like fighting. 481 00:22:50,994 --> 00:22:52,620 Hey, sir, I think some leadership 482 00:22:52,621 --> 00:22:54,163 and teamwork is in order. 483 00:22:54,164 --> 00:22:57,249 We all know this is just an academic experiment 484 00:22:57,250 --> 00:23:00,544 to control and/or euthanize us. 485 00:23:00,545 --> 00:23:03,172 When do we get our psychoactive medication? 486 00:23:03,173 --> 00:23:05,549 What? I had it in basic. 487 00:23:05,550 --> 00:23:06,842 Kinda minty. 488 00:23:06,843 --> 00:23:10,805 Uh, guys, this is gonna be really weird. 489 00:23:10,806 --> 00:23:11,889 For me. 490 00:23:11,890 --> 00:23:13,182 I mean, you guys have never been normal, 491 00:23:13,183 --> 00:23:14,767 but I've never led retards before... 492 00:23:14,768 --> 00:23:17,103 God, god, god, god, goddammit! 493 00:23:17,104 --> 00:23:18,771 You are so out of line! 494 00:23:18,772 --> 00:23:19,772 Yeah! 495 00:23:19,773 --> 00:23:22,149 And retard's not gonna cut it. 496 00:23:22,150 --> 00:23:24,903 I am a little person with a gun! 497 00:23:25,987 --> 00:23:27,279 She's right! 498 00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:29,073 And I was normal. 499 00:23:29,074 --> 00:23:31,158 What the hell does that mean, gimpy? 500 00:23:31,159 --> 00:23:34,328 There are 127 words to describe people with disabilities. 501 00:23:34,329 --> 00:23:35,997 127. 502 00:23:36,832 --> 00:23:37,832 Eight. 503 00:23:37,833 --> 00:23:38,999 Nine. 504 00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:40,376 Ten... 505 00:23:40,377 --> 00:23:41,545 All right. 506 00:23:42,587 --> 00:23:44,338 Okay, apologies. 507 00:23:44,339 --> 00:23:47,007 Today, we learn how to be detectives! 508 00:23:47,008 --> 00:23:48,259 Hell yeah! Finally! 509 00:23:48,260 --> 00:23:49,385 Excellent, sir. 510 00:23:49,386 --> 00:23:50,262 All right, we're gonna start 511 00:23:50,263 --> 00:23:51,679 with the basics of police work. 512 00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:54,014 You know, tracking cases, organization, 513 00:23:54,015 --> 00:23:56,058 mopping, dusting, picking up my dry cleaning. 514 00:23:56,059 --> 00:23:57,309 What? What? 515 00:23:57,310 --> 00:23:58,769 What? What, what, what, what, 516 00:23:58,770 --> 00:24:00,771 what, what, what, what, what, what? 517 00:24:00,772 --> 00:24:02,356 This is bull, bullshit. 518 00:24:02,357 --> 00:24:04,775 We're not ja, janitors. 519 00:24:04,776 --> 00:24:07,653 Yeah, and dry cleaning is a Ponzi scheme. 520 00:24:07,654 --> 00:24:10,072 You are the worst douche bag I've ever met. 521 00:24:10,073 --> 00:24:11,073 Douche bag? 522 00:24:11,074 --> 00:24:12,324 The hell is your problem? 523 00:24:12,325 --> 00:24:15,579 My problem is, I live at ass level! 524 00:24:16,788 --> 00:24:18,164 Oh my god, I knew this was gonna happen. 525 00:24:18,165 --> 00:24:19,874 I'm living in a retard freak show! 526 00:24:27,716 --> 00:24:28,800 Knock it off! 527 00:24:32,929 --> 00:24:33,929 Okay. Okay. 528 00:24:34,890 --> 00:24:37,725 You know what, you're not retards. 529 00:24:37,726 --> 00:24:41,645 As a matter of fact, you're a spaz, a midget, a cripple. 530 00:24:41,646 --> 00:24:43,105 He's a retard. 531 00:24:43,106 --> 00:24:44,315 Does that bother you? 532 00:24:44,316 --> 00:24:46,442 Because it's what everybody thinks. 533 00:24:46,443 --> 00:24:51,155 No matter what lame PC word we use, retard is what we think. 534 00:24:52,741 --> 00:24:54,742 If you think handicapable makes a difference, 535 00:24:54,743 --> 00:24:57,453 then you're extra special retarded. 536 00:24:57,454 --> 00:25:00,456 Now, you guys signed up to be undercover detectives, 537 00:25:00,457 --> 00:25:02,208 so either step up and do the job 538 00:25:02,209 --> 00:25:06,128 or step aside, go out there, and be differently abled. 539 00:25:06,129 --> 00:25:07,880 Because after a year on the force, 540 00:25:07,881 --> 00:25:09,465 dealing with scumbags, crack addicts, 541 00:25:09,466 --> 00:25:12,051 murderers, and family law attorneys, 542 00:25:12,052 --> 00:25:16,180 retard is gonna feel like a warm hug from mama. 543 00:25:16,181 --> 00:25:18,891 I might be a re, re, retard, 544 00:25:18,892 --> 00:25:21,978 but you, sir, are an a, a, a, asshole. 545 00:25:24,314 --> 00:25:27,775 And I have to live with that every day. 546 00:25:27,776 --> 00:25:31,195 I don't get to say that I have a nice deficiency. 547 00:25:31,196 --> 00:25:34,156 You know, I don't get to say that I'm etiquette-challenged. 548 00:25:34,157 --> 00:25:36,117 I am an asshole. 549 00:25:36,660 --> 00:25:39,913 And nobody's building me a goddamn ramp. 550 00:25:43,917 --> 00:25:46,377 Look, clean my office. 551 00:25:46,378 --> 00:25:48,128 Go through the evidence files. 552 00:25:48,129 --> 00:25:49,338 You see something I missed, 553 00:25:49,339 --> 00:25:52,049 a case you guys wanna go after, we'll do it. 554 00:25:52,050 --> 00:25:53,884 You want to be cops? 555 00:25:53,885 --> 00:25:54,886 Show me. 556 00:25:59,933 --> 00:26:02,936 Why would an asshole need a ramp? 557 00:26:07,190 --> 00:26:08,899 Is she busy? 558 00:26:08,900 --> 00:26:10,192 No, she's not. 559 00:26:10,193 --> 00:26:12,111 Good. But she did tell me to say 560 00:26:12,112 --> 00:26:14,029 that if you showed up, that I should call 561 00:26:14,030 --> 00:26:17,199 our tactical SWAT team and one of them that has a sniper 562 00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:19,952 that can hit you with a bullet from the rooftop. 563 00:26:21,538 --> 00:26:23,455 So then we have a couple minutes? 564 00:26:23,456 --> 00:26:24,332 No, wait. 565 00:26:24,333 --> 00:26:25,792 Detective Fowler! 566 00:26:27,168 --> 00:26:28,877 Seriously, Tara? 567 00:26:28,878 --> 00:26:30,254 Mongoloids? 568 00:26:30,255 --> 00:26:32,464 My mother's second husband was from Mongolia. 569 00:26:32,465 --> 00:26:34,049 Exactly, retards. 570 00:26:34,050 --> 00:26:35,217 I'm sorry, Mayor. 571 00:26:35,218 --> 00:26:36,218 It's okay. 572 00:26:36,219 --> 00:26:38,429 Detective Fowler has never had good manners. 573 00:26:38,430 --> 00:26:40,472 I am not the guy for this. 574 00:26:40,473 --> 00:26:43,058 Well, you're right, but you are doing it. 575 00:26:43,059 --> 00:26:45,102 I couldn't spare anyone with a soul. 576 00:26:45,103 --> 00:26:46,937 Listen, I have an election coming up, 577 00:26:46,938 --> 00:26:49,148 so if this doesn't work 578 00:26:49,149 --> 00:26:51,525 and one of them gets hurt, it's your fault. 579 00:26:51,526 --> 00:26:56,030 And the mayor will have to do her job and crucify a bad cop, 580 00:26:56,031 --> 00:26:57,991 so it's like a win-win. 581 00:26:59,242 --> 00:27:01,827 No, for it to be a win-win, I also have to win. 582 00:27:01,828 --> 00:27:04,038 No, I win twice! 583 00:27:04,039 --> 00:27:08,292 Do anything else to get even with me, not this. 584 00:27:08,293 --> 00:27:10,919 This is so uncomfortable for me. 585 00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:12,588 Yeah, well, I think I'm gonna puke. 586 00:27:12,589 --> 00:27:14,590 My feelings for you, Fowler, 587 00:27:14,591 --> 00:27:18,177 have been dead and buried for some time. 588 00:27:18,178 --> 00:27:19,928 I can fix that. 589 00:27:19,929 --> 00:27:21,263 Let's have sex one more time. 590 00:27:21,264 --> 00:27:22,348 Oh my god! 591 00:27:22,349 --> 00:27:23,474 I replaced you with batteries. 592 00:27:23,475 --> 00:27:24,267 Ouch! 593 00:27:24,268 --> 00:27:25,268 Go away. 594 00:27:26,353 --> 00:27:27,354 Sorry. 595 00:27:30,815 --> 00:27:31,940 We were in love once. 596 00:27:31,941 --> 00:27:33,400 Isn't that something? 597 00:27:33,401 --> 00:27:37,237 Yeah, until you were inside someone covered with glitter! 598 00:27:37,238 --> 00:27:39,573 We are done, you get that? 599 00:27:39,574 --> 00:27:42,618 I was the best thing that ever happened to you. 600 00:27:42,619 --> 00:27:43,994 Let's don't get crazy. 601 00:27:43,995 --> 00:27:45,537 The best thing that ever happened to you! 602 00:27:45,538 --> 00:27:46,955 Okay. Get crazy. 603 00:27:46,956 --> 00:27:49,918 And you will never get this again. 604 00:27:53,171 --> 00:27:56,507 So, now, go and train those little heroes. 605 00:27:56,508 --> 00:27:57,883 They've never done anything heroic! 606 00:27:57,884 --> 00:27:59,635 They're heroes! 607 00:27:59,636 --> 00:28:01,554 And you get me reelected. 608 00:28:02,806 --> 00:28:05,475 Or I will make an example out of a 609 00:28:06,434 --> 00:28:07,434 very, 610 00:28:09,354 --> 00:28:11,105 very 611 00:28:11,106 --> 00:28:12,107 bad cop. 612 00:28:16,194 --> 00:28:17,194 Okay. 613 00:28:17,946 --> 00:28:18,946 Okay. 614 00:28:20,615 --> 00:28:21,615 Okay. 615 00:28:24,327 --> 00:28:25,327 Okay. 616 00:28:26,246 --> 00:28:27,246 Okay. 617 00:28:28,957 --> 00:28:29,957 Okay. 618 00:28:32,335 --> 00:28:33,378 Okay. 619 00:28:33,878 --> 00:28:34,878 Okay. 620 00:28:44,597 --> 00:28:46,473 I want you to know something. 621 00:28:46,474 --> 00:28:50,561 The man I have become is 100% due to the fact 622 00:28:50,562 --> 00:28:53,940 that you were a glacier in the bedroom. 623 00:28:55,108 --> 00:28:57,109 Your icy vagina ruined me. 624 00:28:57,110 --> 00:28:59,194 I had to name my penis Titanic. 625 00:28:59,195 --> 00:29:00,404 Wow, look at that. 626 00:29:00,405 --> 00:29:01,655 I insulted you and complimented myself. 627 00:29:01,656 --> 00:29:03,532 Oh! 628 00:29:08,246 --> 00:29:10,915 That was a win-win. 629 00:29:14,294 --> 00:29:16,587 Uh, Mayor, you have a photo op with the little cuties 630 00:29:16,588 --> 00:29:19,423 from Boy Scout, troop 19 at 1:00 p.m. 631 00:29:22,093 --> 00:29:23,887 I'll push it to 1:30. 632 00:29:26,347 --> 00:29:27,431 Retards are gonna be cops. 633 00:29:27,432 --> 00:29:28,308 Great. 634 00:29:28,308 --> 00:29:29,184 Goddammit. 635 00:29:29,185 --> 00:29:30,309 Handicapable, my ass. 636 00:29:30,310 --> 00:29:32,186 Cops got to be perfect, you know? 637 00:29:32,187 --> 00:29:33,604 What's the matter, Fowler? 638 00:29:33,605 --> 00:29:36,064 You having trouble keeping up with the Avengers? 639 00:29:37,192 --> 00:29:39,401 Yeah, Fowler, how are the retards? 640 00:29:39,402 --> 00:29:40,569 Huh? 641 00:29:40,570 --> 00:29:43,614 You getting a lot of practice wiping other people's butts? 642 00:29:43,615 --> 00:29:45,699 They like cheese puffs, right? 643 00:29:45,700 --> 00:29:48,118 Mongos love cheese puffs! 644 00:29:55,460 --> 00:29:57,462 Garrett's here. 645 00:30:00,048 --> 00:30:01,423 Wow. 646 00:30:01,424 --> 00:30:04,760 I was expecting an insurance fire. 647 00:30:04,761 --> 00:30:05,762 Wow! 648 00:30:07,055 --> 00:30:10,349 Guys, I got to tell you, I just got something. 649 00:30:10,350 --> 00:30:11,309 So did we. 650 00:30:11,309 --> 00:30:12,185 You said step up. 651 00:30:12,186 --> 00:30:13,685 We found a case. 652 00:30:13,686 --> 00:30:15,145 Definitely guilty. 653 00:30:15,146 --> 00:30:18,274 This guy's a real ass clown. 654 00:30:20,151 --> 00:30:21,360 What is it? 655 00:30:21,361 --> 00:30:23,779 Guys, these are my phone bills. 656 00:30:23,780 --> 00:30:24,780 And what? 657 00:30:26,699 --> 00:30:28,784 My car registration for LA Dream Cars? 658 00:30:28,785 --> 00:30:32,538 You got a hell of a deal on that Charger, sir. 659 00:30:32,539 --> 00:30:35,499 A new Hemi R/T is worth what, 40 grand? 660 00:30:35,500 --> 00:30:38,126 And you puh, puh, paid nothing. 661 00:30:38,127 --> 00:30:41,755 And the salesman, Mike, was up on a rape charge 662 00:30:41,756 --> 00:30:44,508 that got suddenly dropped. 663 00:30:44,509 --> 00:30:46,301 It was assault. 664 00:30:46,302 --> 00:30:47,678 It was a lease. 665 00:30:47,679 --> 00:30:48,637 Oops. 666 00:30:48,638 --> 00:30:50,264 We tracked some of the phone numbers. 667 00:30:50,265 --> 00:30:51,807 The highlighted ones, 668 00:30:51,808 --> 00:30:54,560 you got some pretty shady buddies, buddy. 669 00:30:54,561 --> 00:30:56,395 Are those drug dealers your friends? 670 00:30:56,396 --> 00:30:57,688 Uh, they are my CIs. 671 00:30:58,773 --> 00:31:00,732 According to the department, sir, 672 00:31:00,733 --> 00:31:02,568 they're not on your informant list. 673 00:31:02,569 --> 00:31:03,861 You're supposed to pay informants. 674 00:31:03,862 --> 00:31:06,530 Why are your informants paying you? 675 00:31:06,531 --> 00:31:09,449 And your bank account has some wuh, 676 00:31:09,450 --> 00:31:12,036 we, wuh, weird deposits. 677 00:31:12,579 --> 00:31:14,079 Who's Lou? 678 00:31:14,080 --> 00:31:15,414 I wanna know who Julio is. 679 00:31:15,415 --> 00:31:17,291 How the hell did you get into my bank? 680 00:31:17,292 --> 00:31:18,625 Oh, it wasn't hard. 681 00:31:18,626 --> 00:31:20,962 Password, 2QUILA. 682 00:31:21,254 --> 00:31:22,629 All caps. 683 00:31:22,630 --> 00:31:23,714 How'd you get that? 684 00:31:23,715 --> 00:31:27,217 Logic, due diligence, and you wrote it 685 00:31:27,218 --> 00:31:30,512 on a Post-it note stuck to your computer. 686 00:31:30,513 --> 00:31:32,723 What kind of dumb ass leaves records 687 00:31:32,724 --> 00:31:35,350 for his criminal activity in his office? 688 00:31:35,351 --> 00:31:36,560 Just got the car. 689 00:31:36,561 --> 00:31:37,811 I just kinda threw it in, you know? 690 00:31:37,812 --> 00:31:40,606 I didn't really even, oh, you guys really did organize this. 691 00:31:40,607 --> 00:31:43,317 Chronologically and by how much jail time you'll do. 692 00:31:43,318 --> 00:31:44,319 Well... 693 00:31:46,112 --> 00:31:47,654 Great job, guys. 694 00:31:47,655 --> 00:31:49,281 You are cadets in training 695 00:31:49,282 --> 00:31:52,576 and I put something out for you to find, and you found it. 696 00:31:52,577 --> 00:31:53,619 What do you think you got here? 697 00:31:53,620 --> 00:31:55,204 A Dir, dirty cop? 698 00:31:56,080 --> 00:31:57,915 You re, retard. 699 00:31:57,916 --> 00:32:01,418 Those phone records connect you to four convicted felons. 700 00:32:01,419 --> 00:32:03,754 The free car is two tons of proof. 701 00:32:03,755 --> 00:32:06,632 Ah, they love cops in county. 702 00:32:06,633 --> 00:32:10,302 An average human colon can smuggle three cellphones. 703 00:32:10,303 --> 00:32:13,555 Uh, guys, this is just some phone bills 704 00:32:13,556 --> 00:32:15,223 and handwritten notes. 705 00:32:15,224 --> 00:32:16,725 It's not even evidence. 706 00:32:16,726 --> 00:32:18,018 Alvin. 707 00:32:18,019 --> 00:32:19,394 State of California versus Terrence Phelps. 708 00:32:19,395 --> 00:32:21,939 Convicted and sentenced to 15 years based on phone records. 709 00:32:21,940 --> 00:32:23,649 State of California versus Peter Mancuso. 710 00:32:23,650 --> 00:32:24,816 Convicted and sentenced 711 00:32:24,817 --> 00:32:26,568 to 15 years based on handwritten notes. 712 00:32:26,569 --> 00:32:27,903 State of California versus Michael Serapili... 713 00:32:27,904 --> 00:32:29,072 All right. 714 00:32:33,910 --> 00:32:34,827 What do you want? 715 00:32:34,828 --> 00:32:37,162 What we were promised. 716 00:32:37,163 --> 00:32:38,747 We wanna be cops. 717 00:32:38,748 --> 00:32:41,959 Yeah, and if you got in, it should be a cake walk for us. 718 00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:45,837 But we wanna be real police officers, no bullshit. 719 00:32:45,838 --> 00:32:49,883 Or you could smuggle cellphones 720 00:32:49,884 --> 00:32:53,096 in your ass for cigarettes. 721 00:32:53,930 --> 00:32:56,307 Three of them, beep boop beep. 722 00:32:57,183 --> 00:32:58,183 No. 723 00:32:58,184 --> 00:32:59,184 No. 724 00:32:59,185 --> 00:33:00,727 You guys can't be cops. 725 00:33:00,728 --> 00:33:01,646 You don't have the motor skills. 726 00:33:01,647 --> 00:33:02,647 You don't have the ability. 727 00:33:02,648 --> 00:33:04,648 Wrong, we are cops. 728 00:33:04,649 --> 00:33:06,400 We passed every test. 729 00:33:06,401 --> 00:33:10,278 This is discrimination and you are the Ku Klux Klan! 730 00:33:11,948 --> 00:33:13,740 Not a chance. 731 00:33:13,741 --> 00:33:14,825 Great. 732 00:33:14,826 --> 00:33:16,910 Guys, let's go. 733 00:33:16,911 --> 00:33:20,330 If we can't be cops, neither can you. 734 00:33:20,331 --> 00:33:23,834 Uh, Captain Wynn's office is 113, right? 735 00:33:23,835 --> 00:33:25,293 Guys, wait, wait. No, don't. 736 00:33:25,294 --> 00:33:26,796 All right, all right, stop. 737 00:33:27,130 --> 00:33:29,007 God fucking... 738 00:33:29,632 --> 00:33:30,841 Seriously? 739 00:33:30,842 --> 00:33:31,843 Unbelievable! 740 00:33:32,677 --> 00:33:34,846 What a damn day! 741 00:33:35,847 --> 00:33:37,180 Fine! 742 00:33:37,181 --> 00:33:39,975 You want me to teach you to be cops? 743 00:33:39,976 --> 00:33:43,645 Fine, but I'm gonna show you how little you know! 744 00:33:43,646 --> 00:33:45,272 And the only reason you guys are here 745 00:33:45,273 --> 00:33:48,316 'cause you're a bunch of wobbly, gimpy spaz balls. 746 00:33:48,317 --> 00:33:52,863 And now I got to go find a short bus with a siren! 747 00:33:52,864 --> 00:33:54,614 Unbelievable! 748 00:33:54,615 --> 00:33:55,991 God! 749 00:33:56,868 --> 00:33:57,868 Fuck! 750 00:33:58,661 --> 00:33:59,661 Perfect! 751 00:34:05,460 --> 00:34:06,877 I like his new attitude! 752 00:34:08,629 --> 00:34:11,339 This is the department's firing range. 753 00:34:11,340 --> 00:34:14,509 Today, we're gonna train like real cops. 754 00:34:14,510 --> 00:34:17,387 I am videotaping you all with a high-speed camera 755 00:34:17,388 --> 00:34:19,848 to show you how bad you suck 756 00:34:19,849 --> 00:34:23,269 because I don't want you to be real cops. 757 00:34:24,437 --> 00:34:25,854 Instead, I'd like you guys to be working 758 00:34:25,855 --> 00:34:28,356 at a large box store, greeting people, 759 00:34:28,357 --> 00:34:32,611 or making stuffed animals in small windowless rooms. 760 00:34:33,863 --> 00:34:36,615 Is the box store shaped like a box or does it sell boxes? 761 00:34:36,616 --> 00:34:37,784 Bu bu bu Bullshit! 762 00:34:38,910 --> 00:34:41,620 I've killed more people than you! 763 00:34:41,621 --> 00:34:43,497 You are awful! 764 00:34:43,498 --> 00:34:44,499 Shut up! 765 00:34:48,503 --> 00:34:49,921 Now this 766 00:34:50,671 --> 00:34:51,671 is a bullet. 767 00:34:52,590 --> 00:34:56,885 On its own, it's inert, docile, and unlikely to kill, 768 00:34:56,886 --> 00:35:01,723 but it needs its best friend, the semiautomatic pistol. 769 00:35:01,724 --> 00:35:04,059 Now, a bullet doesn't kill unless 770 00:35:04,060 --> 00:35:08,522 a semiautomatic pistol makes it go very, very fast. 771 00:35:08,523 --> 00:35:11,775 But once you are holding a loaded weapon in your hand, 772 00:35:11,776 --> 00:35:13,735 things change dramatically. 773 00:35:13,736 --> 00:35:17,824 Now, the gun becomes the bullet and you become the gun. 774 00:35:18,866 --> 00:35:19,866 Got it? 775 00:35:20,743 --> 00:35:21,993 Sorry, am I the gun or the bullet? 776 00:35:21,994 --> 00:35:23,120 You're the bullet! 777 00:35:23,121 --> 00:35:24,579 No, the gun is the bullet. 778 00:35:24,580 --> 00:35:25,540 He's the gun. 779 00:35:25,541 --> 00:35:26,665 I thought the gun was the gun. 780 00:35:26,666 --> 00:35:28,083 Oh, this is stupid! 781 00:35:28,084 --> 00:35:29,417 I get it. 782 00:35:29,418 --> 00:35:32,003 Can I get, get a nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, 783 00:35:32,004 --> 00:35:33,672 nuh, nuh, nuh, 784 00:35:33,673 --> 00:35:35,716 nuh, nuh, knife? 785 00:35:37,844 --> 00:35:39,512 Let's just shoot. 786 00:35:40,471 --> 00:35:41,471 Mac. 787 00:35:53,526 --> 00:35:54,985 Five out of six, not bad. 788 00:35:54,986 --> 00:35:56,403 You missed one. 789 00:35:56,404 --> 00:35:57,821 Here's how to remember it: 790 00:35:57,822 --> 00:36:01,576 Take your time and shoot the guy in the spine. 791 00:36:08,875 --> 00:36:10,458 Sophie, you're up. 792 00:36:23,514 --> 00:36:25,891 Well, didn't hit one. 793 00:36:25,892 --> 00:36:27,893 Just shows no matter how tough you are, 794 00:36:27,894 --> 00:36:29,519 she still can't hit the broad side 795 00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:31,605 of a barn with another barn. 796 00:36:31,606 --> 00:36:32,856 There you go. 797 00:36:32,857 --> 00:36:36,026 At the end of the day, you've got to learn what you're doing. 798 00:36:36,027 --> 00:36:37,903 And if you don't know what you're doing, 799 00:36:37,904 --> 00:36:39,224 then you just got to stop talk... 800 00:36:50,625 --> 00:36:51,834 That's a pass. 801 00:36:56,422 --> 00:36:58,924 Alvin, pick your poison. 802 00:37:36,587 --> 00:37:39,965 Well, you only hit one, but it was a killer. 803 00:37:39,966 --> 00:37:41,800 I hit all six. 804 00:37:41,801 --> 00:37:43,260 I only see one hole. 805 00:37:43,261 --> 00:37:44,762 Went through the same hole. 806 00:37:45,513 --> 00:37:47,931 Alvin, everybody misses sometimes. 807 00:37:47,932 --> 00:37:49,350 I didn't miss! 808 00:37:50,810 --> 00:37:54,562 Listen, this Mongo temper tantrum thing is 809 00:37:54,563 --> 00:37:56,189 not gonna work with me. 810 00:37:56,190 --> 00:37:58,566 You really think you put them all through one hole? 811 00:37:59,235 --> 00:38:00,194 Fine. 812 00:38:00,195 --> 00:38:01,611 Let's go to the high-speed video 813 00:38:01,612 --> 00:38:03,614 and show you how bad you really suck. 814 00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:13,708 I always win at the carnival. 815 00:38:18,087 --> 00:38:19,797 Morgan, you're up. 816 00:38:23,050 --> 00:38:25,803 Okay, I got you framed up, buddy. 817 00:38:27,596 --> 00:38:30,849 Uh, can you control the, okay, aim at the tar-, okay. 818 00:38:30,850 --> 00:38:32,767 Uh, you know what, Morgan, you don't have to do this. 819 00:38:32,768 --> 00:38:35,854 You don't have to do this. I got this. 820 00:38:40,276 --> 00:38:42,569 You shot me in the ear! 821 00:38:42,570 --> 00:38:43,195 You idiot! 822 00:38:43,196 --> 00:38:44,196 Ow! 823 00:38:44,197 --> 00:38:46,573 My ear is right next to my head, you dumb ass! 824 00:38:46,574 --> 00:38:47,574 Ow! 825 00:38:47,575 --> 00:38:50,453 I asked for a nuh, nuh, knife! 826 00:38:53,539 --> 00:38:56,207 Online crime is a huge problem, 827 00:38:56,208 --> 00:38:59,627 and the LAPD is proud to be in the frontline of cyber wars, 828 00:38:59,628 --> 00:39:02,297 international espionage, and drug trafficking. 829 00:39:02,298 --> 00:39:03,715 But our bread and butter, 830 00:39:03,716 --> 00:39:07,553 where LA leads the world, is in pedophiles. 831 00:39:09,263 --> 00:39:11,723 Is in catching pedophiles. 832 00:39:11,724 --> 00:39:13,808 Now, this isn't easy, kids. 833 00:39:13,809 --> 00:39:15,894 Takes a long time, sometimes days, weeks, 834 00:39:15,895 --> 00:39:17,645 even months just to get... Done. 835 00:39:21,734 --> 00:39:22,859 What the hell is this? 836 00:39:22,860 --> 00:39:24,152 NORAD. 837 00:39:24,153 --> 00:39:25,945 Do you want me to get some launch codes? 838 00:39:25,946 --> 00:39:28,031 Long shot, but it'll take me a bit of time. 839 00:39:28,032 --> 00:39:29,199 Turn it off! 840 00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,076 It's okay, they can't see us. 841 00:39:31,077 --> 00:39:35,038 I've routed through 14 different international servers. 842 00:39:35,039 --> 00:39:36,707 They'll think we're North Korea. 843 00:39:37,583 --> 00:39:39,751 Warning, tracking software detected. 844 00:39:39,752 --> 00:39:40,960 That's bad. 845 00:39:40,961 --> 00:39:42,087 Go, everybody out, everybody out! 846 00:39:42,088 --> 00:39:43,088 Go, go, go, go, go! 847 00:39:43,089 --> 00:39:44,090 God! 848 00:39:51,013 --> 00:39:52,305 All right, I wanna welcome you guys 849 00:39:52,306 --> 00:39:54,808 to the Van Nuys PD investigative training room. 850 00:39:54,809 --> 00:39:58,812 Look around, observe, tell me what you see, kids. 851 00:39:58,813 --> 00:40:01,272 Alvin, what do you got? 852 00:40:01,273 --> 00:40:03,108 It was bad. 853 00:40:06,904 --> 00:40:08,114 Very bad. 854 00:40:10,950 --> 00:40:12,075 Okay. 855 00:40:12,076 --> 00:40:13,368 Mac, what do you got? 856 00:40:13,369 --> 00:40:15,954 Love triangle, lying, cheating. 857 00:40:15,955 --> 00:40:17,997 Oh yeah, I've lived this. 858 00:40:17,998 --> 00:40:20,750 The woman shot first, of course! 859 00:40:20,751 --> 00:40:23,962 She winged this guy who loved her more than life itself! 860 00:40:23,963 --> 00:40:25,755 But he was just half a man. 861 00:40:25,756 --> 00:40:29,634 And then when her other lover tried to run because he can, 862 00:40:29,635 --> 00:40:31,094 she killed him. 863 00:40:31,095 --> 00:40:35,807 So no witnesses, but we know what you did, Marie! 864 00:40:35,808 --> 00:40:38,769 Sick bitch shredded me! 865 00:40:42,857 --> 00:40:45,191 Well, that was frightening and complicated. 866 00:40:45,192 --> 00:40:46,485 And totally inaccurate. 867 00:40:47,153 --> 00:40:49,070 Morgan, what do you got? 868 00:40:49,071 --> 00:40:52,824 Druh, drug deal gone Ba, Ba, bad. 869 00:40:52,825 --> 00:40:56,286 That guy still has crack in his hands. 870 00:40:56,287 --> 00:40:59,331 Everyone started shooting at once 871 00:40:59,915 --> 00:41:02,959 and the last one alive wanted 872 00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:03,960 to make ID 873 00:41:04,753 --> 00:41:07,798 impa, pa, possible. 874 00:41:08,299 --> 00:41:11,759 Money, drugs left on the scene, 875 00:41:11,760 --> 00:41:15,097 we're looking for a juh, juh, juh, junkie. 876 00:41:17,349 --> 00:41:20,351 That's exactly what I had them set up. 877 00:41:20,352 --> 00:41:21,352 Oh my. 878 00:41:22,687 --> 00:41:24,014 You have a knack. 879 00:41:24,015 --> 00:41:26,490 But you know what, you really shouldn't talk. 880 00:41:26,491 --> 00:41:28,122 All right. 881 00:41:28,123 --> 00:41:30,242 Sophie, what do you got? 882 00:41:30,243 --> 00:41:34,444 These guys are drug dealers and junkies, right, Morgan? 883 00:41:34,445 --> 00:41:36,901 I'd buh, buh, bet on it! 884 00:41:36,902 --> 00:41:38,196 I know what he knows. 885 00:41:38,197 --> 00:41:40,260 I wanna know what you know. 886 00:41:41,179 --> 00:41:43,185 I think it's a suicide. 887 00:41:43,186 --> 00:41:44,968 What? Crack head, junkie, murder, 888 00:41:44,969 --> 00:41:47,931 circle jerks, ain't worth my time. 889 00:41:47,932 --> 00:41:50,239 I've got citizens to protect. 890 00:41:50,240 --> 00:41:53,879 Tag 'em, bag 'em, chuck 'em in a landfill. 891 00:41:56,261 --> 00:41:58,980 Gentlemen, take note. 892 00:41:58,981 --> 00:42:00,387 That's a cop. 893 00:42:00,388 --> 00:42:03,782 Welcome to the Van Nuys Police Training Center. 894 00:42:03,783 --> 00:42:08,266 Today, I'll be your instructor, Sensei Nick Kahana. 895 00:42:08,267 --> 00:42:10,310 I'm gonna be teaching you how to defend yourself 896 00:42:10,311 --> 00:42:14,419 on the streets of Los Angeles, which is not an easy feat. 897 00:42:14,420 --> 00:42:15,488 You! 898 00:42:15,489 --> 00:42:16,489 Get up. 899 00:42:22,111 --> 00:42:23,929 Come on! 900 00:42:48,936 --> 00:42:50,979 Garrett Fowler. 901 00:42:50,980 --> 00:42:53,344 Heard about your new job, bro. 902 00:42:55,745 --> 00:42:57,038 Rough. 903 00:42:57,039 --> 00:42:59,195 Everybody, this is Nick Kahana. 904 00:42:59,196 --> 00:43:01,409 Tell them the rest. 905 00:43:01,410 --> 00:43:03,454 Van Nuys PD hand-to-hand combat 906 00:43:03,455 --> 00:43:06,405 and martial arts expert, Nick Kahana. 907 00:43:06,406 --> 00:43:09,557 Nick Kahana has worked very hard, 908 00:43:09,558 --> 00:43:13,046 so Nick Kahana deserves respect. 909 00:43:13,047 --> 00:43:15,559 So which one of the slow class, short bus, 910 00:43:15,560 --> 00:43:17,398 tending the rabbits dummies 911 00:43:17,399 --> 00:43:20,324 does Nick Kahana have to take out first? 912 00:43:20,325 --> 00:43:22,482 Uh, uh, uh, uh, I'm good. 913 00:43:23,870 --> 00:43:26,571 Nick Kahana will take out the biggest guy here. 914 00:43:26,572 --> 00:43:29,178 I already kicked Garrett Fowler's ass. 915 00:43:29,179 --> 00:43:31,467 Choked him out like I was his daddy. 916 00:43:31,468 --> 00:43:33,586 Remember that, Garrett Fowler? 917 00:43:33,587 --> 00:43:35,387 Yeah, Nick, I remember. 918 00:43:35,388 --> 00:43:40,171 It took me a couple weeks to remember, but I remember. 919 00:43:40,172 --> 00:43:43,228 Hey, Alvin, do you want some more training? 920 00:43:43,229 --> 00:43:45,592 I already know everything in the whole world. 921 00:43:45,593 --> 00:43:50,225 Well, Nick Kahana is gonna teach you something new. 922 00:43:50,226 --> 00:43:51,226 Okay. 923 00:44:12,512 --> 00:44:14,555 I like that last move. 924 00:44:14,556 --> 00:44:16,412 Why isn't he doing anything? 925 00:44:16,413 --> 00:44:17,632 Gotta touch him. 926 00:44:17,633 --> 00:44:18,633 Uh. 927 00:44:18,634 --> 00:44:20,520 Hey, Nick, maybe you shouldn't. 928 00:44:20,521 --> 00:44:21,384 Just touch him? 929 00:44:21,385 --> 00:44:22,528 Yeah. 930 00:44:22,529 --> 00:44:24,272 Come on, retard. 931 00:44:29,095 --> 00:44:31,814 Ooh! 932 00:44:54,099 --> 00:44:56,426 Night, night, Nick Kahana. 933 00:45:02,597 --> 00:45:04,491 Now, I'm going to poop on him. 934 00:45:04,492 --> 00:45:05,580 Alvin! 935 00:45:07,043 --> 00:45:10,175 Congratulations. 936 00:45:10,176 --> 00:45:14,358 Hey, Garrett, as much as I don't trust you or the NRA 937 00:45:14,359 --> 00:45:16,234 or coconut water, 938 00:45:16,235 --> 00:45:19,029 I realize that you've helped us all. 939 00:45:19,030 --> 00:45:21,355 Here, this is from everyone. 940 00:45:21,356 --> 00:45:25,445 And I disarmed the C4 under your Charger, so no worries. 941 00:45:27,515 --> 00:45:30,396 That's mildly unnerving. 942 00:45:30,397 --> 00:45:31,397 Holy crap. 943 00:45:31,397 --> 00:45:32,397 It's a watch. 944 00:45:34,986 --> 00:45:36,399 Thanks. 945 00:45:36,400 --> 00:45:37,769 Good news is tomorrow, 946 00:45:37,770 --> 00:45:39,738 you guys get your first real assignments. 947 00:45:39,739 --> 00:45:41,351 Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah! 948 00:45:41,352 --> 00:45:44,597 I got to question though: The hell do I call you guys? 949 00:45:44,598 --> 00:45:46,698 I like Spartacus. 950 00:45:46,699 --> 00:45:49,211 No, I just mean there's so many different words. 951 00:45:49,212 --> 00:45:50,787 Disabled, differently abled. 952 00:45:50,788 --> 00:45:52,551 If it's not my name, 953 00:45:53,602 --> 00:45:56,508 you might as well call me gimp. 954 00:45:56,509 --> 00:45:57,509 Exactly. 955 00:45:58,597 --> 00:46:01,067 So you're cool with gimp? 956 00:46:01,068 --> 00:46:02,361 Well, you know what my favorite is? 957 00:46:02,362 --> 00:46:04,425 Wobblies, that one has the nice, light tone. 958 00:46:04,426 --> 00:46:06,338 It's kind of Muppety feel to it. 959 00:46:06,339 --> 00:46:07,339 Wobblies. 960 00:46:10,172 --> 00:46:12,229 I'll work on it when I'm in the head. 961 00:46:14,236 --> 00:46:16,525 I got to go, go too. 962 00:46:18,288 --> 00:46:20,069 Hey, hey, make it look like you're pissing, 963 00:46:20,070 --> 00:46:21,345 not jerking off. 964 00:46:21,346 --> 00:46:24,515 Garrett, what do I do, do? 965 00:46:24,516 --> 00:46:26,522 Hold your dick still, buy a hose clamp. 966 00:46:26,523 --> 00:46:27,523 I don't know. 967 00:46:27,524 --> 00:46:29,374 No, about Sophie. 968 00:46:29,375 --> 00:46:31,118 Uh, I wouldn't touch her dick. 969 00:46:31,119 --> 00:46:33,275 She's giving me the vibe 970 00:46:33,276 --> 00:46:37,272 and would I get in trouble for, for fooling around with her? 971 00:46:38,566 --> 00:46:40,385 No, dude, if you're getting a vibe, what do I... 972 00:46:40,386 --> 00:46:41,386 Care. 973 00:46:41,387 --> 00:46:42,655 You know, go for it. 974 00:46:42,656 --> 00:46:46,256 And stop tap, tapping my foot. 975 00:46:46,257 --> 00:46:47,257 Hilarious. 976 00:46:55,643 --> 00:46:57,324 Wash your hands! 977 00:47:06,085 --> 00:47:10,117 I had a great time with you tonight. 978 00:47:10,118 --> 00:47:12,237 Hey, you didn't stutter. 979 00:47:12,238 --> 00:47:14,602 Yeah, if I were an alcoholic, 980 00:47:15,577 --> 00:47:17,865 I could be pruh, pruh, president. 981 00:47:19,742 --> 00:47:20,742 Mm. 982 00:47:21,599 --> 00:47:25,425 You know, Garrett, he treats us like... 983 00:47:25,857 --> 00:47:27,882 Like real people. 984 00:47:27,883 --> 00:47:29,758 No kid gloves. 985 00:47:29,759 --> 00:47:31,840 Like, he's kind of a dick. 986 00:47:31,841 --> 00:47:34,223 Sophie, we are who we are. 987 00:47:35,349 --> 00:47:37,450 We screw up bad once, 988 00:47:38,181 --> 00:47:40,732 we go back to being the joke. 989 00:47:42,214 --> 00:47:44,578 I don't wanna be the joke. 990 00:47:45,328 --> 00:47:47,936 I don't wanna be the retard. 991 00:47:49,474 --> 00:47:53,057 And what I'm scared most of is 992 00:47:53,695 --> 00:47:56,509 not being seen at all. 993 00:47:59,472 --> 00:48:01,329 I see you, Morgan. 994 00:48:11,459 --> 00:48:14,703 Your mind is so sexy, Morgan. 995 00:48:14,704 --> 00:48:16,542 And the rest of me? 996 00:48:16,543 --> 00:48:19,393 That's pretty sexy too. 997 00:48:19,394 --> 00:48:20,913 Come here, big boy. 998 00:48:20,914 --> 00:48:22,526 Yeah! 999 00:48:29,711 --> 00:48:32,056 Oh my gosh, are you okay? 1000 00:48:32,694 --> 00:48:33,694 I'm good. 1001 00:48:37,858 --> 00:48:40,666 That's why I walk this way. 1002 00:48:51,490 --> 00:48:53,629 Captain, you all right? 1003 00:49:05,090 --> 00:49:07,303 You scared us, sir. 1004 00:49:07,304 --> 00:49:10,436 We're ruh, ready to be cuh, cuh, cops. 1005 00:49:11,599 --> 00:49:14,393 Fowler, you got to stop! 1006 00:49:14,394 --> 00:49:15,838 You got to stop! 1007 00:49:15,839 --> 00:49:17,545 Okay, okay. 1008 00:49:17,546 --> 00:49:18,952 You wanna be real cops? 1009 00:49:18,953 --> 00:49:21,878 All right, well, as per the mayor, 1010 00:49:21,879 --> 00:49:24,299 here is your new assignment. 1011 00:49:25,631 --> 00:49:30,583 Oh, I hate when he says, "As per the mayor." 1012 00:49:37,242 --> 00:49:39,249 This is bullshit! 1013 00:49:43,752 --> 00:49:46,640 Get her out of my office. 1014 00:49:46,641 --> 00:49:47,641 Uh-oh. 1015 00:49:56,339 --> 00:49:57,339 Shut up! 1016 00:49:59,753 --> 00:50:03,748 Guys, sometimes you have to do what you have to do. 1017 00:50:10,426 --> 00:50:11,664 Look, pigeon! 1018 00:50:11,665 --> 00:50:13,503 Shut up, Alvin! 1019 00:50:21,813 --> 00:50:23,950 We are not going in there without protection. 1020 00:50:23,951 --> 00:50:25,676 This is not our required equipment though. 1021 00:50:25,677 --> 00:50:27,758 The Mayor said we are the face of the force. 1022 00:50:27,759 --> 00:50:29,953 Alvin, he's giving us guns. 1023 00:50:29,954 --> 00:50:31,810 Damn straight. 1024 00:50:31,811 --> 00:50:33,592 Listen, we are about to enter one 1025 00:50:33,593 --> 00:50:35,825 of the most dangerous places in America. 1026 00:50:35,826 --> 00:50:37,438 Anything can happen here 1027 00:50:37,439 --> 00:50:40,364 and to go in unarmed would be suicide. 1028 00:50:40,365 --> 00:50:41,715 You guys got your game faces on? 1029 00:50:41,716 --> 00:50:42,616 Heck ya. Yes! 1030 00:50:42,617 --> 00:50:43,948 Let's do this. 1031 00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:48,093 Do you know how bad school was for me? 1032 00:50:48,094 --> 00:50:49,237 And me. 1033 00:50:49,238 --> 00:50:52,407 School is where most lifetime psychosis is created. 1034 00:50:52,408 --> 00:50:54,827 Yeah, man, that's why I became a cop, 1035 00:50:54,828 --> 00:50:56,422 to get even with these douche bags. 1036 00:50:56,423 --> 00:50:59,367 I remember thinking, oh, you pricks, if I had a gun. 1037 00:51:00,587 --> 00:51:01,544 I got better. 1038 00:51:01,545 --> 00:51:02,931 Went to the 10 year reunion, 1039 00:51:02,932 --> 00:51:05,895 everybody was all methy and had these Walmart bodies. 1040 00:51:05,896 --> 00:51:07,733 I win. 1041 00:51:07,734 --> 00:51:09,103 Yeah, I loved school. 1042 00:51:09,104 --> 00:51:12,460 I was on track team, volleyball, homecoming king, 1043 00:51:12,461 --> 00:51:14,805 debate team, gymnastics, science club. 1044 00:51:14,806 --> 00:51:18,801 Oh, plus, I double teamed my French and English teachers. 1045 00:51:18,802 --> 00:51:21,297 School was awesome! 1046 00:51:23,960 --> 00:51:24,955 Hey. 1047 00:51:24,956 --> 00:51:26,107 Little help here! 1048 00:51:26,108 --> 00:51:29,279 Call your English teacher. 1049 00:51:34,381 --> 00:51:38,075 Oh, aren't they just adorable! 1050 00:51:38,076 --> 00:51:39,783 They're police officers, ma'am. 1051 00:51:39,784 --> 00:51:41,828 Oh, come on, not really. 1052 00:51:44,098 --> 00:51:45,710 What do you want us to do? 1053 00:51:45,711 --> 00:51:47,380 Can the midget dance? 1054 00:51:47,381 --> 00:51:50,119 No, the midget can't dance. 1055 00:51:50,120 --> 00:51:53,139 But it can punch you in the box! 1056 00:51:53,140 --> 00:51:54,658 Oh my. 1057 00:51:54,659 --> 00:51:57,378 Sorry, she's a little bit grumpy. 1058 00:51:57,379 --> 00:51:59,685 She was up late last night making shoes. 1059 00:51:59,686 --> 00:52:03,550 Yeah, and my Cabbage Patch underwear keeps riding up. 1060 00:52:03,551 --> 00:52:04,656 Okay. 1061 00:52:04,657 --> 00:52:07,470 I'll just introduce you. 1062 00:52:07,471 --> 00:52:09,084 Garrett, this is bull, bull, bull... 1063 00:52:09,085 --> 00:52:10,085 I know! 1064 00:52:11,341 --> 00:52:14,861 Look, guys, just be good cops, all right? 1065 00:52:14,862 --> 00:52:18,557 We'll go out there, inspire the kids, 1066 00:52:18,558 --> 00:52:20,995 tell them to say no to drugs and pedophiles, 1067 00:52:20,996 --> 00:52:24,766 and then we'll get drunk and find a strip club, okay? 1068 00:52:24,767 --> 00:52:25,611 Yeah. 1069 00:52:25,612 --> 00:52:26,810 All right. 1070 00:52:26,811 --> 00:52:28,874 Kids, I know you're eagerly anticipating, 1071 00:52:28,875 --> 00:52:32,757 so without further waiting, I'd like to introduce some 1072 00:52:32,758 --> 00:52:36,266 of Los Angeles's finest special officers. 1073 00:52:49,828 --> 00:52:50,828 Hey kids! 1074 00:52:56,681 --> 00:52:59,432 Uh, my name's Detective Fowler. 1075 00:52:59,433 --> 00:53:01,683 I'd like to introduce you to the Special Unit 1076 00:53:01,684 --> 00:53:04,590 of the Los Angles Police Department. 1077 00:53:04,591 --> 00:53:06,542 We are a team. 1078 00:53:07,987 --> 00:53:09,787 Let's hear it for Mac. 1079 00:54:01,561 --> 00:54:02,892 All right, yeah... 1080 00:54:02,893 --> 00:54:04,806 Follow that, Stretch. All right, now, 1081 00:54:04,807 --> 00:54:07,901 let's meet our Special Officer Sophie! 1082 00:54:07,902 --> 00:54:10,359 Watch this, little bitches. 1083 00:54:17,694 --> 00:54:19,081 Ta-da! 1084 00:54:21,089 --> 00:54:24,802 So now, let's welcome Officer Morgan. 1085 00:54:24,803 --> 00:54:26,809 Alvin, give me your gun. 1086 00:54:26,810 --> 00:54:27,810 Okay. 1087 00:54:28,536 --> 00:54:30,617 No, no, no, no, give me the gun. 1088 00:54:30,618 --> 00:54:31,618 I got this. 1089 00:54:35,552 --> 00:54:37,108 Hi Kids. 1090 00:54:37,109 --> 00:54:38,572 Guns aren't cool. 1091 00:54:39,454 --> 00:54:41,141 They're awesome! 1092 00:54:45,757 --> 00:54:49,901 But you have to know what you're doing. 1093 00:54:49,902 --> 00:54:50,902 Susie! 1094 00:54:51,534 --> 00:54:52,534 Michael! 1095 00:54:53,547 --> 00:54:56,242 We're going to Disney Land! 1096 00:54:56,243 --> 00:54:59,187 And your mother's not coming with us! 1097 00:55:01,758 --> 00:55:02,758 Alvin. 1098 00:55:06,241 --> 00:55:07,666 Hello. 1099 00:55:07,667 --> 00:55:11,211 I know everything in the whole world. 1100 00:55:11,212 --> 00:55:12,212 Oh yeah? 1101 00:55:12,213 --> 00:55:14,457 How about 5,842 times 280? 1102 00:55:17,496 --> 00:55:18,496 1,635,760. 1103 00:55:24,887 --> 00:55:27,813 We are trained professionals. 1104 00:55:27,814 --> 00:55:31,133 So, kids, don't do this at home. 1105 00:55:31,134 --> 00:55:33,328 Do it in the field. 1106 00:55:33,329 --> 00:55:36,179 Away from your parents. 1107 00:55:36,180 --> 00:55:39,068 Would you like to see Alvin shoot 1108 00:55:39,069 --> 00:55:41,451 an apple off our boss's head? 1109 00:55:46,647 --> 00:55:49,404 Bite me, you big, gimpy spaz ball.. 1110 00:55:49,405 --> 00:55:51,112 He never misses. 1111 00:55:52,256 --> 00:55:55,425 So, uh, you're not gonna shoot a gun in here, right? 1112 00:55:55,426 --> 00:55:57,226 Shoot it, shoot it... 1113 00:55:57,227 --> 00:55:58,839 Uh. 1114 00:55:58,840 --> 00:56:01,109 Uh, the bullets are actually school-approved. 1115 00:56:01,110 --> 00:56:02,854 Shoot it, shoot it... 1116 00:56:02,855 --> 00:56:03,736 Use my gun. 1117 00:56:03,737 --> 00:56:05,086 I trust it. 1118 00:56:05,087 --> 00:56:07,900 Shoot it, shoot it, shoot it, 1119 00:56:07,901 --> 00:56:12,758 shoot it, shoot it, shoot it, shoot it, shoot it, 1120 00:56:12,759 --> 00:56:17,636 shoot it, shoot it, shoot it, shoot it, shoot it, 1121 00:56:17,637 --> 00:56:22,325 shoot it, shoot it, shoot it, shoot it, shoot it, 1122 00:56:22,326 --> 00:56:24,839 shoot it, shoot it, shoot... 1123 00:56:33,037 --> 00:56:36,150 Guys, give it up for the Special Unit! 1124 00:56:36,151 --> 00:56:39,902 She loves the men's choir at the church, 1125 00:56:39,903 --> 00:56:42,397 especially the baritones! 1126 00:56:42,398 --> 00:56:46,468 Kids, we're going some place, to Disney Land! 1127 00:56:47,763 --> 00:56:48,763 Someone's shooting! 1128 00:56:48,764 --> 00:56:50,745 I've got this. 1129 00:56:50,746 --> 00:56:52,715 Kids, lockdown drill! 1130 00:56:53,259 --> 00:56:54,535 Now! 1131 00:56:59,393 --> 00:57:03,294 Well, thank God we're not destroying their innocence. 1132 00:57:03,295 --> 00:57:04,476 Morgan, call it in. 1133 00:57:04,477 --> 00:57:06,877 This is Officer Morgan. 1134 00:57:06,878 --> 00:57:11,417 We, we have a, a, a, a, have a shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo... 1135 00:57:11,418 --> 00:57:12,693 Give me that! 1136 00:57:13,931 --> 00:57:15,356 It's Officer Garrett Fowler. 1137 00:57:15,357 --> 00:57:17,795 We have a 246 at the Anne Frank Elementary School. 1138 00:57:17,796 --> 00:57:21,021 Send SWAT, send a helicopter, everything you got. 1139 00:57:21,022 --> 00:57:23,328 Learn to speak English. 1140 00:57:23,329 --> 00:57:25,261 See Mickey and Minnie, 1141 00:57:26,743 --> 00:57:29,706 and we'll say hello to Goofy. 1142 00:57:29,707 --> 00:57:32,370 And she doesn't love me anymore. 1143 00:57:32,371 --> 00:57:34,996 That's what she said. 1144 00:57:34,997 --> 00:57:35,997 Susie! 1145 00:57:36,817 --> 00:57:38,185 Michael! 1146 00:57:38,186 --> 00:57:40,231 Dad? 1147 00:57:41,375 --> 00:57:42,875 That's your dad? 1148 00:57:42,876 --> 00:57:44,075 Yeah. Yeah. 1149 00:57:44,076 --> 00:57:46,345 Mac, take care of them. 1150 00:57:46,346 --> 00:57:48,146 Mike, Susie, get over here. 1151 00:57:48,147 --> 00:57:49,147 It's Michael, not Mike. 1152 00:57:49,148 --> 00:57:51,130 Get over here now! 1153 00:57:52,368 --> 00:57:54,149 Mom and dad are getting divorced. 1154 00:57:54,150 --> 00:57:55,499 It's okay, don't worry. 1155 00:57:55,500 --> 00:57:56,925 We got this. 1156 00:57:56,926 --> 00:57:58,332 Kids, get on stage now! 1157 00:57:58,333 --> 00:57:59,215 Get on stage now! 1158 00:57:59,215 --> 00:58:00,215 Go, go! 1159 00:58:02,329 --> 00:58:03,828 He's coming down the hallway. 1160 00:58:03,829 --> 00:58:04,724 Come on, come on, come on, come on, 1161 00:58:04,725 --> 00:58:07,218 come on, come on, come on. 1162 00:58:07,219 --> 00:58:09,957 Close the curtains now! 1163 00:59:06,739 --> 00:59:07,739 My finger! 1164 00:59:10,247 --> 00:59:11,446 Now they won't let me... 1165 00:59:11,447 --> 00:59:13,228 As for you, scumbag... 1166 00:59:13,229 --> 00:59:14,130 No! 1167 00:59:14,131 --> 00:59:16,830 Ow, my finger! 1168 00:59:16,831 --> 00:59:17,831 It's okay. 1169 00:59:18,895 --> 00:59:19,895 It's okay. 1170 00:59:21,076 --> 00:59:23,977 You know, my parents were together 40 years? 1171 00:59:29,962 --> 00:59:31,688 But this is good too. 1172 00:59:33,151 --> 00:59:34,151 All right, Mac, get them outta here. 1173 00:59:34,152 --> 00:59:35,440 Let's go, guys. 1174 00:59:39,304 --> 00:59:42,023 What about the other keh, kids? 1175 00:59:42,024 --> 00:59:44,161 This could scar them forever. 1176 00:59:44,162 --> 00:59:45,162 I got it. 1177 00:59:51,159 --> 00:59:53,334 And that, kids, is why you should always, 1178 00:59:53,335 --> 00:59:56,054 always, question everything. 1179 00:59:56,055 --> 00:59:58,080 The world is a place that will look you 1180 00:59:58,081 --> 01:00:00,163 in the face and lie to you. 1181 01:00:00,164 --> 01:00:04,064 It'll tell you, "Everything is safe," when nothing ever is. 1182 01:00:04,065 --> 01:00:05,302 So pay attention. 1183 01:00:05,303 --> 01:00:06,522 Trust no one. 1184 01:00:06,523 --> 01:00:09,110 And maybe, just maybe, you won't get shivved 1185 01:00:09,111 --> 01:00:11,155 in a gas station bathroom before you're 30. 1186 01:00:13,088 --> 01:00:14,088 Got it? 1187 01:00:23,293 --> 01:00:24,293 Oh, no way. 1188 01:00:26,000 --> 01:00:27,325 Take that. 1189 01:00:34,961 --> 01:00:36,048 Hello, Captain. 1190 01:00:36,049 --> 01:00:37,511 Live ammo? 1191 01:00:37,512 --> 01:00:38,512 In a school? 1192 01:00:38,513 --> 01:00:40,100 Sir, they stopped the shooter. 1193 01:00:40,101 --> 01:00:40,964 You are fired! 1194 01:00:40,964 --> 01:00:41,964 You're fired! 1195 01:00:41,965 --> 01:00:43,364 Captain, nobody even got hurt. 1196 01:00:43,365 --> 01:00:45,071 Would you be happy if somebody got killed? 1197 01:00:45,072 --> 01:00:47,284 Fowler, you're a disease. 1198 01:00:47,285 --> 01:00:49,066 You're like human Ebola! 1199 01:00:49,067 --> 01:00:50,304 You know, when you're around, 1200 01:00:50,305 --> 01:00:53,306 people's eyes bleed and their bowels liquefy! 1201 01:00:53,307 --> 01:00:54,544 You know what? You know what? 1202 01:00:54,545 --> 01:00:57,020 I'm happy because I knew you would fail. 1203 01:00:57,021 --> 01:00:59,552 In my office, tomorrow, 8:00 a.m.! 1204 01:00:59,553 --> 01:01:01,879 You're over! Captain, wait! 1205 01:01:03,043 --> 01:01:04,336 God! 1206 01:01:06,982 --> 01:01:07,982 Ugh. 1207 01:01:08,788 --> 01:01:12,440 Could somebody please get me an evidence bag? 1208 01:01:30,561 --> 01:01:32,286 What?! 1209 01:01:32,287 --> 01:01:34,087 Gun! Alvin, wait. 1210 01:01:42,961 --> 01:01:44,554 Now, I'm going to poop on him. 1211 01:01:44,555 --> 01:01:46,036 Alvin! Alvin! 1212 01:01:46,037 --> 01:01:47,037 Ah, ah, Alvin! 1213 01:01:56,398 --> 01:01:58,473 That is some good coffee, Alvin. 1214 01:01:58,474 --> 01:01:59,711 That is some gourmet shit. 1215 01:01:59,712 --> 01:02:01,081 I don't need you to tell me 1216 01:02:01,082 --> 01:02:02,263 how F-ing good my coffee is, okay? 1217 01:02:02,264 --> 01:02:03,220 I know how good it is. 1218 01:02:03,221 --> 01:02:04,551 I'm the one who buys it. 1219 01:02:04,552 --> 01:02:07,084 Bonnie goes shopping, she buys poop. 1220 01:02:07,085 --> 01:02:08,322 I buy the gourmet expensive stuff 1221 01:02:08,323 --> 01:02:09,729 'cause when I drink it, I wanna taste it. 1222 01:02:09,730 --> 01:02:11,285 But you know what's on my mind right now? 1223 01:02:11,286 --> 01:02:12,674 It ain't the coffee in my kitchen. 1224 01:02:12,675 --> 01:02:15,675 It's the dead negro in my garage. 1225 01:02:15,676 --> 01:02:17,063 What the hell? 1226 01:02:17,064 --> 01:02:19,033 Alvin... He's doing Pulp Fiction. 1227 01:02:19,034 --> 01:02:20,383 What? 1228 01:02:20,384 --> 01:02:22,428 Pulp Fiction, the kitchen scene from Pulp Fiction. 1229 01:02:22,429 --> 01:02:23,704 Alvin, do you remember everything? 1230 01:02:23,705 --> 01:02:25,598 Pulp Fiction, directed by Quentin Tarantino, 1231 01:02:25,599 --> 01:02:28,337 shot in 1993, released in 1994. 1232 01:02:28,338 --> 01:02:30,570 Alvin's seen the movie once. 1233 01:02:31,996 --> 01:02:33,121 Watch. 1234 01:02:33,122 --> 01:02:34,408 Which wallet's yours? 1235 01:02:34,409 --> 01:02:36,753 It's the one that says Bad Mother F-er. 1236 01:02:39,493 --> 01:02:40,431 That's amazing, Alvin. 1237 01:02:40,432 --> 01:02:41,443 That's my favorite movie. 1238 01:02:41,444 --> 01:02:43,431 Classic! Open it up. 1239 01:02:43,432 --> 01:02:45,157 What? Take it out, count it. 1240 01:02:45,158 --> 01:02:46,451 How much is in there? 1241 01:02:46,452 --> 01:02:48,609 Oh my god, he's still doing it. 1242 01:02:48,610 --> 01:02:49,491 Hey. 1243 01:02:49,491 --> 01:02:50,491 Alvin. 1244 01:02:50,492 --> 01:02:52,023 Here. 1245 01:02:55,457 --> 01:02:58,645 We're ruh, ready to be real cops. 1246 01:02:58,646 --> 01:03:00,447 Yeah, no lying this time. 1247 01:03:00,448 --> 01:03:04,030 We want a real case, not some publicity stunt. 1248 01:03:04,031 --> 01:03:05,699 Hey, hey, you're doing so well right now. 1249 01:03:05,700 --> 01:03:07,575 Why won't we just keep everything as it is? 1250 01:03:07,576 --> 01:03:09,095 I, I knew it. 1251 01:03:09,096 --> 01:03:10,671 Cool cop sold us out. 1252 01:03:11,516 --> 01:03:12,846 Cool. 1253 01:03:12,847 --> 01:03:14,578 Have you met me? 1254 01:03:14,579 --> 01:03:17,123 I can't sleep unless I'm hammered. 1255 01:03:17,124 --> 01:03:19,487 I steal, I cheat, I lie, I do what I have to do, 1256 01:03:19,488 --> 01:03:21,081 which is what you guys should do. 1257 01:03:21,082 --> 01:03:24,120 You always take protection money from drug dealers. 1258 01:03:24,121 --> 01:03:26,390 Once a conman, always a conman. 1259 01:03:26,391 --> 01:03:27,572 You know what? 1260 01:03:27,573 --> 01:03:29,692 I took a job with the melon heads. 1261 01:03:29,693 --> 01:03:32,337 One of them can't reach a high shelf. 1262 01:03:32,338 --> 01:03:34,813 Another one can't say a word with the letter B in it. 1263 01:03:34,814 --> 01:03:37,589 Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, 1264 01:03:37,590 --> 01:03:39,578 buh, buh, buh, buh, buh... 1265 01:03:40,554 --> 01:03:41,511 Stop. 1266 01:03:41,512 --> 01:03:43,104 Don't hurt yourself. 1267 01:03:43,105 --> 01:03:44,811 Another one can't chase a bank robber 1268 01:03:44,812 --> 01:03:46,725 unless he's got ramp access. 1269 01:03:46,726 --> 01:03:48,825 And this one is just a violent, 1270 01:03:48,826 --> 01:03:51,303 fetish-having Wikipedia page. 1271 01:03:52,428 --> 01:03:56,235 You can't teach the disabled to be cops. 1272 01:03:56,236 --> 01:03:59,293 Just wear your badges, smile for the kids, 1273 01:03:59,294 --> 01:04:01,338 cash your checks, and shut up. 1274 01:04:01,339 --> 01:04:03,176 So it was a lie. 1275 01:04:03,177 --> 01:04:05,464 We were never gonna be cops? 1276 01:04:05,465 --> 01:04:07,808 Wow, you suck, sir. 1277 01:04:08,523 --> 01:04:12,591 I thought you were a good guy, geh, Garrett. 1278 01:04:12,592 --> 01:04:15,198 You're a class A loser. 1279 01:04:15,199 --> 01:04:17,187 Garrett lies. 1280 01:04:17,188 --> 01:04:18,463 Hitler lied. 1281 01:04:26,473 --> 01:04:27,879 Okay. 1282 01:04:27,880 --> 01:04:30,543 I will talk to the captain again. 1283 01:04:30,544 --> 01:04:32,495 And he'll say no again. 1284 01:04:34,202 --> 01:04:36,978 Get out of my home, melon heads. 1285 01:04:48,533 --> 01:04:50,821 Oh yeah, real cops, badges and everything. 1286 01:04:50,822 --> 01:04:52,491 They're trained. 1287 01:04:52,492 --> 01:04:53,492 They'd be amazing undercover. 1288 01:04:53,493 --> 01:04:55,604 Nobody would ever suspect them! 1289 01:04:55,605 --> 01:04:56,768 Look at what they did at that school! 1290 01:04:56,769 --> 01:04:58,643 I did tell you you were fired, right? 1291 01:04:58,644 --> 01:05:01,682 You took unqualified rookie cadets to a school shooting! 1292 01:05:01,683 --> 01:05:03,671 The school shooting came to us! 1293 01:05:03,672 --> 01:05:06,692 You fired live rounds into a school! 1294 01:05:07,799 --> 01:05:09,486 That is Olympic level of stupid! 1295 01:05:09,487 --> 01:05:12,375 You are done, over, and I am glad. 1296 01:05:12,376 --> 01:05:13,520 Give me your gun. 1297 01:05:14,495 --> 01:05:15,526 Oh. 1298 01:05:15,527 --> 01:05:17,590 Er, hi, sorry to bug you guys. 1299 01:05:17,591 --> 01:05:18,758 Margie, get out! 1300 01:05:18,759 --> 01:05:20,291 Okay, but Detective Fowler needs to be 1301 01:05:20,292 --> 01:05:21,904 at a press conference in five minutes! 1302 01:05:21,905 --> 01:05:23,405 It's the mayor's orders. 1303 01:05:23,406 --> 01:05:25,826 Okay, let's move our heinies! 1304 01:05:28,489 --> 01:05:31,584 I got to go see the mayor. 1305 01:05:31,585 --> 01:05:33,816 I want them in front of the camera talking 1306 01:05:33,817 --> 01:05:35,617 about how great this department is. 1307 01:05:35,618 --> 01:05:36,798 Hell no. 1308 01:05:36,799 --> 01:05:38,505 They're about to be undercover detectives. 1309 01:05:38,506 --> 01:05:40,625 We can't put their pictures on television. 1310 01:05:40,626 --> 01:05:43,289 That would be, that would be retarded. 1311 01:05:43,290 --> 01:05:43,965 He's got a point, Mayor. 1312 01:05:43,966 --> 01:05:45,277 We can't do it. 1313 01:05:45,278 --> 01:05:46,309 If you were mayor, you'd do it. 1314 01:05:46,310 --> 01:05:46,967 You're right. I'd do it. 1315 01:05:46,968 --> 01:05:48,129 We can't do it! 1316 01:05:48,130 --> 01:05:51,505 I want those little spazzies in the pressroom in five 1317 01:05:51,506 --> 01:05:54,170 or I will set you both on fire! 1318 01:06:04,737 --> 01:06:05,737 Give me 20. 1319 01:06:19,281 --> 01:06:20,281 Good afternoon, everyone. 1320 01:06:20,282 --> 01:06:21,444 Thank you for being here. 1321 01:06:21,445 --> 01:06:22,445 Um. 1322 01:06:23,533 --> 01:06:27,259 I am pleased to announce that the definition 1323 01:06:27,260 --> 01:06:29,379 of police officer has changed today. 1324 01:06:29,380 --> 01:06:34,331 These officers are in disguise to hide their identities. 1325 01:06:34,332 --> 01:06:37,803 Now, police work has gone to the next level. 1326 01:06:38,816 --> 01:06:41,309 It's Detective 2.0. 1327 01:06:41,310 --> 01:06:45,736 Now these officers, they may be considered disabled, 1328 01:06:45,737 --> 01:06:49,038 but that word has a broad definition. 1329 01:06:49,039 --> 01:06:51,478 Uh, being emotionally vacant, 1330 01:06:52,584 --> 01:06:54,759 lacking in morals, 1331 01:06:54,760 --> 01:06:57,986 lying, could all be considered disabilities, 1332 01:06:57,987 --> 01:07:02,507 but these officers right here stopped a school shooting. 1333 01:07:02,508 --> 01:07:05,584 They are capable of anything a normal, 1334 01:07:06,578 --> 01:07:09,130 morally bankrupt, alcoholicky, 1335 01:07:09,805 --> 01:07:11,531 impotent officer is. 1336 01:07:12,526 --> 01:07:13,753 This is Michael Pace. 1337 01:07:13,754 --> 01:07:15,323 He's responsible for the school shooting. 1338 01:07:15,324 --> 01:07:18,022 He is a father going through a bitter divorce. 1339 01:07:18,023 --> 01:07:21,808 Now, breakups, as we all know, can be hard 1340 01:07:21,809 --> 01:07:25,019 and sometimes make you psychotic and stupid, 1341 01:07:25,020 --> 01:07:28,272 but he is undergoing psychiatric evaluation, 1342 01:07:28,273 --> 01:07:29,791 which I think is a great idea 1343 01:07:29,792 --> 01:07:32,389 when you have darkness in your soul. 1344 01:07:32,390 --> 01:07:34,646 So we are here to congratulate 1345 01:07:34,647 --> 01:07:37,899 and thank these very brave officers. 1346 01:07:37,900 --> 01:07:41,962 And I am pleased to introduce their training officer. 1347 01:07:41,963 --> 01:07:43,429 Give him a hand. 1348 01:07:48,868 --> 01:07:49,771 Hello. 1349 01:07:49,772 --> 01:07:51,484 Sorry for the disguises, 1350 01:07:51,485 --> 01:07:54,470 but we're trying to protect the identities of our officers. 1351 01:07:54,471 --> 01:07:56,358 I'd like to take the first question. 1352 01:07:56,359 --> 01:07:57,907 A lot of people are saying that 1353 01:07:57,908 --> 01:08:00,647 this is just a publicity tool. 1354 01:08:00,648 --> 01:08:01,909 Really? 1355 01:08:01,910 --> 01:08:03,048 You think it's a publicity tool? 1356 01:08:03,049 --> 01:08:04,853 Why don't you ask an officer, 1357 01:08:04,854 --> 01:08:08,752 who is actually in a wheelchair, if it's a publicity tool? 1358 01:08:08,753 --> 01:08:10,620 Uh, do you mean a publicity tool 1359 01:08:10,621 --> 01:08:13,299 like the moon landing or gluten? 1360 01:08:15,058 --> 01:08:16,386 Then no. 1361 01:08:16,387 --> 01:08:17,618 Thank you very much. 1362 01:08:17,619 --> 01:08:18,716 Next question. 1363 01:08:18,717 --> 01:08:19,926 Who's the toughest one? 1364 01:08:19,927 --> 01:08:21,866 I mean, the most capable. 1365 01:08:21,867 --> 01:08:24,964 I mean, you know, the least disabledlessness. 1366 01:08:24,965 --> 01:08:27,909 That, tha, tha, tha, that would be me. 1367 01:08:27,910 --> 01:08:29,807 It was my idea 1368 01:08:29,808 --> 01:08:33,327 to go, go, go, go, go, 1369 01:08:33,328 --> 01:08:34,825 go, go, 1370 01:08:34,826 --> 01:08:38,611 go after the ta, ta, target 1371 01:08:38,612 --> 01:08:42,951 and my tea, tea, team fuh, fuh, fuh, followed. 1372 01:08:42,952 --> 01:08:46,563 Uh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, bullshit. 1373 01:08:46,564 --> 01:08:49,959 This idiot would be dead if I weren't there. 1374 01:08:49,960 --> 01:08:51,909 Huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, hey! 1375 01:08:51,910 --> 01:08:53,254 Knock it off! 1376 01:08:53,993 --> 01:08:55,490 Any other questions? 1377 01:08:55,491 --> 01:08:58,588 Obviously, there's no team feeling yet, 1378 01:08:58,589 --> 01:09:00,466 but what does it feel like to be 1379 01:09:00,467 --> 01:09:02,785 the first disabled police squad? 1380 01:09:02,786 --> 01:09:05,363 How does it feel to be a reporter 1381 01:09:05,364 --> 01:09:07,928 after the internet killed your job? 1382 01:09:07,929 --> 01:09:09,837 Shut up! No, you shut up! 1383 01:09:11,130 --> 01:09:11,992 Just shut it! 1384 01:09:11,992 --> 01:09:12,992 Just knock it off! 1385 01:09:12,993 --> 01:09:14,766 You guys got to stop! 1386 01:09:14,767 --> 01:09:15,905 Knock it off, you guys! 1387 01:09:15,906 --> 01:09:17,732 Yeah, the mayor's right here, you idiots! 1388 01:09:19,591 --> 01:09:20,591 Hello! 1389 01:09:21,381 --> 01:09:22,576 Hello, hello. 1390 01:09:22,577 --> 01:09:23,910 Hello. 1391 01:09:23,911 --> 01:09:24,911 I'm Batman. 1392 01:09:25,824 --> 01:09:26,824 Oh shit. 1393 01:09:27,737 --> 01:09:29,163 First of all, 1394 01:09:29,164 --> 01:09:32,857 our nation cannot tolerate discrimination of any kind. 1395 01:09:32,858 --> 01:09:34,714 That's why the Americans with Disabilities Act is 1396 01:09:34,715 --> 01:09:37,905 so important and must be honored everywhere. 1397 01:09:37,906 --> 01:09:41,660 It is a civil rights law that's tearing down barriers. 1398 01:09:41,661 --> 01:09:43,487 Its purpose is to give the disabled access 1399 01:09:43,488 --> 01:09:47,632 not only to buildings but to every opportunity in society. 1400 01:09:47,633 --> 01:09:51,740 I strongly believe our nation must give its full support 1401 01:09:51,741 --> 01:09:53,115 to the caregivers who are helping people 1402 01:09:53,116 --> 01:09:56,871 with disabilities live independent lives. 1403 01:09:56,872 --> 01:09:59,856 When we put our minds to a problem, 1404 01:09:59,857 --> 01:10:02,637 we can usually find solutions. 1405 01:10:02,638 --> 01:10:07,388 But America has a tradition many nations probably envy. 1406 01:10:07,389 --> 01:10:10,692 We frequently achieve the impossible. 1407 01:10:10,693 --> 01:10:13,698 That's what got us from one coast to another. 1408 01:10:13,699 --> 01:10:17,638 That's what got us the largest economy in the world. 1409 01:10:17,639 --> 01:10:20,460 That's what got us to the moon. 1410 01:10:20,461 --> 01:10:22,553 President Roosevelt showed us 1411 01:10:22,554 --> 01:10:27,261 that a man who could barely lift himself out of a wheelchair 1412 01:10:28,688 --> 01:10:32,719 could still lift a nation out of despair. 1413 01:10:32,720 --> 01:10:36,794 And I believe it too, and so does this administration. 1414 01:10:38,148 --> 01:10:41,226 The most important principle FDR taught us: 1415 01:10:41,227 --> 01:10:45,526 America does not let its needy citizens fend for themselves. 1416 01:10:48,133 --> 01:10:53,879 America is stronger when all of us take care of all of us. 1417 01:10:55,787 --> 01:10:57,828 Giving new life to that ideal is 1418 01:10:57,829 --> 01:11:00,589 the challenge before us tonight. 1419 01:11:02,764 --> 01:11:04,737 I'm here to protect you. 1420 01:11:04,738 --> 01:11:05,948 Thank you very much. 1421 01:11:05,949 --> 01:11:06,949 I'm Batman. 1422 01:11:23,244 --> 01:11:25,940 That was the most touching thing 1423 01:11:25,941 --> 01:11:28,782 I've ever heard in my life. 1424 01:11:28,783 --> 01:11:30,907 Is there anymore questions? 1425 01:11:32,703 --> 01:11:34,220 Alvin. 1426 01:11:34,221 --> 01:11:36,108 What the hell was that? 1427 01:11:36,109 --> 01:11:36,988 That was incredible. 1428 01:11:36,989 --> 01:11:38,727 Brilliant. 1429 01:11:38,728 --> 01:11:42,195 Christopher Reeve's, Democratic National Convention, 1996. 1430 01:11:42,196 --> 01:11:43,858 Superman couldn't walk. 1431 01:11:43,859 --> 01:11:44,859 That's brilliant! 1432 01:11:45,808 --> 01:11:46,670 You're touching me. 1433 01:11:46,671 --> 01:11:47,931 Uh, oh, oh! 1434 01:11:47,932 --> 01:11:49,994 Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry! 1435 01:11:49,995 --> 01:11:50,877 It's okay. 1436 01:11:50,878 --> 01:11:52,549 I won't poop on you. 1437 01:11:54,920 --> 01:11:57,155 Alvin, you got to promise me 1438 01:11:57,156 --> 01:11:59,269 you're not gonna read Hustler magazine anymore. 1439 01:11:59,270 --> 01:12:00,685 Okay. 1440 01:12:00,686 --> 01:12:01,783 Alvin. 1441 01:12:01,784 --> 01:12:02,891 Great job. 1442 01:12:02,892 --> 01:12:05,025 Puh, puh, puh, puh, perfect! 1443 01:12:05,026 --> 01:12:07,036 Pretty impressive, dumb ass. 1444 01:12:07,037 --> 01:12:09,848 They just might keep us around after all. 1445 01:12:09,849 --> 01:12:12,916 So, do we get to be cops now? 1446 01:12:12,917 --> 01:12:15,861 Fowler, in my office now. 1447 01:12:15,862 --> 01:12:17,082 I think that's a no. 1448 01:12:17,083 --> 01:12:19,743 This is bullshit! 1449 01:12:19,744 --> 01:12:23,160 Hey, Mayor! 1450 01:12:23,161 --> 01:12:28,144 Whatever you have to say, you can say it to my partners. 1451 01:12:28,145 --> 01:12:29,027 Oh. 1452 01:12:29,028 --> 01:12:30,616 Oh, okay. 1453 01:12:30,617 --> 01:12:32,812 Well, you little school shooting stopping heroes, 1454 01:12:32,813 --> 01:12:35,819 you're going to go to every school in my district. 1455 01:12:35,820 --> 01:12:36,999 You're gonna make that change 1456 01:12:37,000 --> 01:12:38,845 in every one of those sweet little kids. 1457 01:12:38,846 --> 01:12:42,931 So more of the same do nothing fake cop crap? 1458 01:12:42,932 --> 01:12:44,131 Garrett! 1459 01:12:44,132 --> 01:12:45,199 Yeah. 1460 01:12:45,200 --> 01:12:47,661 They stopped a mass shooting 1461 01:12:47,662 --> 01:12:51,724 and you wanna make them clowns at kids' parties? 1462 01:12:51,725 --> 01:12:53,284 I can't risk them getting hurt. 1463 01:12:53,285 --> 01:12:55,702 That would be a public relation nightmare for me. 1464 01:12:55,703 --> 01:12:56,703 For you? 1465 01:12:57,457 --> 01:12:59,949 Unless, Detective, you would like to be fired 1466 01:12:59,950 --> 01:13:03,017 for bringing live weapons into a gun-free zone. 1467 01:13:03,018 --> 01:13:06,092 What a buh, buh, buh, buh, 1468 01:13:06,093 --> 01:13:08,381 buh, buh, buh, buh, buh... 1469 01:13:08,935 --> 01:13:10,730 Stop. 1470 01:13:10,731 --> 01:13:12,053 Just finish it. 1471 01:13:12,054 --> 01:13:13,054 Bitch. 1472 01:13:13,800 --> 01:13:15,234 We earned our badges. 1473 01:13:15,235 --> 01:13:17,676 Yes, you did, and you will wear them proudly. 1474 01:13:17,677 --> 01:13:19,195 In the schools. 1475 01:13:19,196 --> 01:13:21,360 She's right, guys. 1476 01:13:21,361 --> 01:13:23,987 We should just proudly go back inside 1477 01:13:23,988 --> 01:13:26,141 and talk to all the reporters 1478 01:13:26,142 --> 01:13:28,429 and let them know how full of shit our mayor really is. 1479 01:13:28,430 --> 01:13:29,430 Oh, watch it! 1480 01:13:29,431 --> 01:13:31,261 No, you watch it. 1481 01:13:31,262 --> 01:13:34,709 These guys did what only 3% of the population could do. 1482 01:13:34,710 --> 01:13:36,915 They stopped a mass shooting. 1483 01:13:36,916 --> 01:13:38,095 They're cops. 1484 01:13:38,096 --> 01:13:39,951 They are my partners. 1485 01:13:39,952 --> 01:13:41,983 And I will walk back in that room 1486 01:13:41,984 --> 01:13:44,723 and I will talk to any reporter who'll listen 1487 01:13:44,724 --> 01:13:49,022 and tell them what the real deal is with our mayor. 1488 01:13:49,023 --> 01:13:52,664 Or you can just give them a real assignment. 1489 01:13:52,665 --> 01:13:55,701 Or we take to the press a story 1490 01:13:55,702 --> 01:14:00,134 about a condescending, lying, deal-breaking mayor. 1491 01:14:00,135 --> 01:14:04,084 Who screwed over a bunch of little disabled heroes. 1492 01:14:04,085 --> 01:14:06,538 Batman isn't needed here. 1493 01:14:06,979 --> 01:14:08,825 I love these guys. 1494 01:14:08,826 --> 01:14:09,677 Buh, buh, buh... 1495 01:14:09,678 --> 01:14:11,236 All right, fine! 1496 01:14:11,237 --> 01:14:13,157 Fine, you are real cops, 1497 01:14:14,604 --> 01:14:16,347 but you will dance for your badges. 1498 01:14:16,348 --> 01:14:19,908 Oh, one more thing, you have to take Garrett to dinner. 1499 01:14:19,909 --> 01:14:20,909 What? 1500 01:14:20,910 --> 01:14:22,812 No! It's not negotiable. 1501 01:14:23,972 --> 01:14:24,972 Fine. 1502 01:14:26,808 --> 01:14:29,919 Okay, Chick-fil-Loser, Tuesday. 1503 01:14:29,920 --> 01:14:31,973 And don't expect anything. 1504 01:14:33,224 --> 01:14:35,010 You either. 1505 01:14:39,914 --> 01:14:41,085 Really, guys? 1506 01:14:42,049 --> 01:14:45,342 You're listening to KWRD The Word, 1507 01:14:45,343 --> 01:14:46,973 and coming up at the top of the hour, 1508 01:14:46,974 --> 01:14:49,384 we have DJ Sully Stone who is gonna be interviewing some 1509 01:14:49,385 --> 01:14:51,462 of Los Angeles's most special Police Officers! 1510 01:14:51,463 --> 01:14:52,396 What we're gonna do is we're just 1511 01:14:52,397 --> 01:14:54,027 kinda ease into this today. 1512 01:14:54,028 --> 01:14:55,915 I'm gonna talk to you all about what it's like to be 1513 01:14:55,916 --> 01:14:58,460 an undercover cop in the face of a disability. 1514 01:14:58,461 --> 01:14:59,742 Is that all right? 1515 01:14:59,743 --> 01:15:00,943 Sure. Good. All right. 1516 01:15:00,944 --> 01:15:02,810 So let's go ahead and put on our headsets. 1517 01:15:02,811 --> 01:15:04,339 All right, everyone good? 1518 01:15:04,340 --> 01:15:05,974 All right, let's get to it then. 1519 01:15:05,975 --> 01:15:09,638 Gonna count it down in three, two... 1520 01:15:10,490 --> 01:15:12,120 All right! 1521 01:15:12,121 --> 01:15:16,388 You're tuned in to KWRD The Word, all talk radio! 1522 01:15:16,389 --> 01:15:17,979 Sully in the house with you here! 1523 01:15:17,980 --> 01:15:18,883 And Hoo-hoo! 1524 01:15:18,884 --> 01:15:20,287 Joining me in the studio today, 1525 01:15:20,288 --> 01:15:24,352 I have got an amazing group of undercover police officers 1526 01:15:25,480 --> 01:15:28,065 and I have never seen anything like this. 1527 01:15:28,066 --> 01:15:29,389 Mm, mm-mm! 1528 01:15:29,390 --> 01:15:32,817 Now they're cops, but I feel like I just stepped 1529 01:15:32,818 --> 01:15:35,475 into a Final Fantasy video game! 1530 01:15:35,476 --> 01:15:37,871 I got my elf, my gargoyle, 1531 01:15:37,872 --> 01:15:40,940 my wizard on the wheels, and a mutant! 1532 01:15:41,962 --> 01:15:43,839 Thank you. 1533 01:15:43,840 --> 01:15:47,320 What is it like to be a police officer 1534 01:15:47,321 --> 01:15:50,114 and to serve the public? 1535 01:15:50,115 --> 01:15:52,094 Uh, it's great. 1536 01:15:52,095 --> 01:15:55,117 We get to do something no one's ever done before. 1537 01:15:55,118 --> 01:15:57,180 And being the first disabled... 1538 01:15:57,181 --> 01:15:58,535 Yeah, that's what I wanna talk about! 1539 01:15:58,536 --> 01:16:02,288 Do you prefer midget, elf, or dwarf? 1540 01:16:02,289 --> 01:16:03,955 Actually... I'm gonna hold that! 1541 01:16:03,956 --> 01:16:06,874 You're listening to KWRD and we got the mutant cops! 1542 01:16:06,875 --> 01:16:07,875 This is Sully! 1543 01:16:07,876 --> 01:16:09,484 Oh my gosh, that was great, guys. 1544 01:16:09,485 --> 01:16:10,943 Super opening. 1545 01:16:10,944 --> 01:16:12,466 Thank you. 1546 01:16:15,134 --> 01:16:16,467 My god, you look so gorgeous. 1547 01:16:16,468 --> 01:16:19,017 Relax, this is a meal, not a future. 1548 01:16:19,018 --> 01:16:20,331 I'm sorry what I did to us. 1549 01:16:20,332 --> 01:16:21,477 I should never have done it. 1550 01:16:21,478 --> 01:16:23,437 I screwed up our relationship and you were everything to me. 1551 01:16:23,438 --> 01:16:24,875 You were my princess, you were my queen, 1552 01:16:24,876 --> 01:16:27,022 you were my Beyonce. 1553 01:16:27,023 --> 01:16:28,023 Garrett! 1554 01:16:28,024 --> 01:16:31,191 Again, this is dinner, not foreplay. 1555 01:16:31,192 --> 01:16:33,109 I just wanted to show my appreciation 1556 01:16:33,110 --> 01:16:37,674 for everything that you did with the special ones. 1557 01:16:37,675 --> 01:16:40,905 You don't know their names, do you? 1558 01:16:40,906 --> 01:16:41,906 Yes, I know their names. 1559 01:16:41,906 --> 01:16:42,906 Really? Yes. 1560 01:16:42,907 --> 01:16:45,138 Okay, so you have Mac. Mac. 1561 01:16:46,180 --> 01:16:49,014 Uh-huh, and then there's Morgan. 1562 01:16:49,015 --> 01:16:50,015 Morgan. 1563 01:16:50,015 --> 01:16:50,621 Uh-huh, and there's Sophie. 1564 01:16:50,622 --> 01:16:51,788 Sophie-ah. 1565 01:16:53,039 --> 01:16:54,559 Ah, and then there's Al... 1566 01:16:54,560 --> 01:16:55,560 Albert. 1567 01:16:55,560 --> 01:16:56,560 Alvin. 1568 01:17:00,975 --> 01:17:03,454 I never thought I'd be sitting across from you again 1569 01:17:03,455 --> 01:17:05,977 unless it was at my execution. 1570 01:17:05,978 --> 01:17:09,291 And I didn't think I would say this either, 1571 01:17:09,292 --> 01:17:12,335 but I wanna thank you for giving me this assignment, 1572 01:17:12,336 --> 01:17:15,983 job, whatever you wanna call it 'cause, 1573 01:17:15,984 --> 01:17:19,965 have to be honest, those guys, they're pretty amazing. 1574 01:17:23,488 --> 01:17:29,043 So you're telling me the word retard is offensive to you? 1575 01:17:29,044 --> 01:17:31,023 Only if used as an insult, like, 1576 01:17:31,024 --> 01:17:34,254 "I think the way you talk on the radio is retarded," 1577 01:17:34,255 --> 01:17:37,048 the way you think of disabled people is retarded, 1578 01:17:37,049 --> 01:17:40,012 so hence, you would be a retard. 1579 01:17:40,013 --> 01:17:43,056 You are not sounding like this city's tiny, 1580 01:17:43,057 --> 01:17:45,161 little disabled heroes, hmm? 1581 01:17:45,162 --> 01:17:46,162 Nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh... 1582 01:17:46,163 --> 01:17:47,350 Let me get this straight, 1583 01:17:47,351 --> 01:17:50,998 you guys think retard is the same as the N-word? 1584 01:17:50,999 --> 01:17:52,645 Actually, if you've read your history, 1585 01:17:52,646 --> 01:17:54,333 you would know that the US has 1586 01:17:54,334 --> 01:17:56,939 never enslaved disabled people. 1587 01:17:56,940 --> 01:17:58,148 And they never would. 1588 01:17:58,149 --> 01:18:01,108 What about the Special Olympics? 1589 01:18:01,109 --> 01:18:02,297 But it would have made the competition 1590 01:18:02,298 --> 01:18:04,715 a lot more fierce, am I right? 1591 01:18:04,716 --> 01:18:06,236 You motherfuck... We're gonna be back 1592 01:18:06,237 --> 01:18:09,312 right after this word from our sponsors! 1593 01:18:09,313 --> 01:18:10,605 Phenomenal, guys. 1594 01:18:10,606 --> 01:18:11,606 Phenomenal. 1595 01:18:13,399 --> 01:18:14,670 I had it all, man. 1596 01:18:14,671 --> 01:18:17,088 I had the golden boobs and I blew it. 1597 01:18:17,089 --> 01:18:18,089 Goose. 1598 01:18:18,882 --> 01:18:20,286 Golden goose. 1599 01:18:20,287 --> 01:18:21,495 What'd I say? 1600 01:18:21,496 --> 01:18:22,496 Boobs. 1601 01:18:23,559 --> 01:18:24,559 That too. 1602 01:18:26,852 --> 01:18:29,458 And I know that you gave me this job 1603 01:18:29,459 --> 01:18:34,399 because you wanted me to screw it up so you could fire me. 1604 01:18:34,400 --> 01:18:37,359 You were right to think that. 1605 01:18:37,360 --> 01:18:39,714 I should've been fired. 1606 01:18:39,715 --> 01:18:41,494 Garrett, what is this? 1607 01:18:41,495 --> 01:18:42,661 It's the man I became 1608 01:18:42,662 --> 01:18:44,475 after the best thing in my life left. 1609 01:18:44,476 --> 01:18:47,289 Garrett, these are drug dealers. 1610 01:18:47,290 --> 01:18:48,290 Top guys. 1611 01:18:48,937 --> 01:18:51,729 And the numbers next to them 1612 01:18:51,730 --> 01:18:53,981 are what they paid me for protection. 1613 01:18:53,982 --> 01:18:55,627 How long have you been doing this? 1614 01:18:55,628 --> 01:18:57,441 Long enough to do time. 1615 01:18:57,442 --> 01:18:58,442 A lot of it. 1616 01:19:00,589 --> 01:19:03,016 And hey, I'll do it. 1617 01:19:03,683 --> 01:19:07,080 But I want you to promise to make them real cops. 1618 01:19:07,081 --> 01:19:09,686 Real cops, that's all the way want, Tara. 1619 01:19:09,687 --> 01:19:12,354 They just wanna be cops. 1620 01:19:12,355 --> 01:19:16,148 I can't even remember when that was enough for me. 1621 01:19:16,149 --> 01:19:19,233 So if you'll do that, I'll take the heat, 1622 01:19:19,234 --> 01:19:22,052 then I'll get out of your life. 1623 01:19:22,053 --> 01:19:23,699 What kind of dumb ass keeps records 1624 01:19:23,700 --> 01:19:25,805 of his criminal activity? 1625 01:19:25,806 --> 01:19:29,599 The little heroes put it together! 1626 01:19:29,600 --> 01:19:31,683 And I still have an out. 1627 01:19:31,684 --> 01:19:34,046 I would just say I was long-term deep undercover 1628 01:19:34,047 --> 01:19:36,318 and then when the records came out, that would just be 1629 01:19:36,319 --> 01:19:37,632 reasonable doubt. Reasonable doubt. 1630 01:19:37,633 --> 01:19:40,362 There's my little prosecutor. 1631 01:19:40,363 --> 01:19:43,489 But I'm not gonna cover my ass anymore. 1632 01:19:43,490 --> 01:19:45,303 Burn this. 1633 01:19:45,304 --> 01:19:46,470 No, I'm coming clean! 1634 01:19:46,471 --> 01:19:48,784 Do you have any idea what I had to do 1635 01:19:48,785 --> 01:19:50,785 to become mayor of Van Nuys? 1636 01:19:50,786 --> 01:19:53,563 Well, some of it involves my boobs! 1637 01:19:57,148 --> 01:19:58,148 Hi. 1638 01:19:59,045 --> 01:20:02,442 Look, I just want you to know I'm sorry. 1639 01:20:03,320 --> 01:20:04,527 God! 1640 01:20:04,528 --> 01:20:07,112 Stop saying that or I will vomit right here! 1641 01:20:07,113 --> 01:20:08,821 Are you done with this? 1642 01:20:08,822 --> 01:20:09,822 Yes. 1643 01:20:11,073 --> 01:20:12,844 Yes, I promise. 1644 01:20:12,845 --> 01:20:14,470 I called them and I told them. 1645 01:20:14,471 --> 01:20:16,680 I'm a real cop again. 1646 01:20:16,681 --> 01:20:19,161 Come on, I'm a real cop again. 1647 01:20:23,506 --> 01:20:24,745 Let's go to a movie 1648 01:20:24,746 --> 01:20:27,768 and get some popcorn like we used to. 1649 01:20:27,769 --> 01:20:29,330 I will get the car. 1650 01:20:29,331 --> 01:20:30,331 Okay. 1651 01:20:32,694 --> 01:20:35,329 And I will get the check. 1652 01:20:35,330 --> 01:20:37,571 Isn't this nothing but a publicity ploy 1653 01:20:37,572 --> 01:20:39,293 by the mayor to get more votes? 1654 01:20:39,294 --> 01:20:41,215 Wow, how insightful. 1655 01:20:41,216 --> 01:20:43,838 Don't you usually interview strippers? 1656 01:20:43,839 --> 01:20:46,740 Actually, no, your mom hasn't been in recently, ha! 1657 01:20:46,741 --> 01:20:48,430 Hey, you better listen up here, gimpy, 1658 01:20:48,431 --> 01:20:50,112 I got two million listeners 1659 01:20:50,113 --> 01:20:52,254 and an attitude like that's gonna get you hurt. 1660 01:20:52,255 --> 01:20:53,255 Morgan. 1661 01:20:53,256 --> 01:20:55,417 Alvin, no, no, no. 1662 01:20:55,418 --> 01:20:56,418 Caller, you're on the air. 1663 01:20:56,419 --> 01:20:57,680 What do you got for me? 1664 01:20:57,681 --> 01:20:58,681 This is a question for the midget. 1665 01:20:58,682 --> 01:21:00,182 Really? 1666 01:21:00,183 --> 01:21:01,772 Listen, is Santa an asshole or not? 1667 01:21:01,773 --> 01:21:02,953 That's a good question. 1668 01:21:02,954 --> 01:21:05,496 And also, do they get medical in the Lollipop Guild? 1669 01:21:05,497 --> 01:21:06,497 Alvin, now! 1670 01:21:07,998 --> 01:21:11,802 We'll buh, buh, be right Ba, Ba, back. 1671 01:21:26,258 --> 01:21:30,332 Open the door! 1672 01:21:30,333 --> 01:21:34,952 Oh, Tara, this radio douche bag is really a... 1673 01:21:34,953 --> 01:21:36,322 What? 1674 01:21:40,218 --> 01:21:41,695 Okay, where are you? 1675 01:21:42,985 --> 01:21:44,757 Okay, we'll be there in just a second. 1676 01:21:44,758 --> 01:21:45,758 We got to go! 1677 01:21:55,691 --> 01:21:57,813 Blood on the ground. 1678 01:21:57,814 --> 01:21:59,587 Size 13 shoe print. 1679 01:22:00,446 --> 01:22:01,446 Tire tracks. 1680 01:22:02,521 --> 01:22:05,684 He was knocked out by a big dude. 1681 01:22:05,685 --> 01:22:07,511 They took his car. 1682 01:22:09,552 --> 01:22:12,721 He had kale and goat cheese. 1683 01:22:12,722 --> 01:22:15,918 If we can get the camera feed, we can see who took him. 1684 01:22:15,919 --> 01:22:18,435 New security cameras are wireless. 1685 01:22:18,436 --> 01:22:19,724 Easily hacked. 1686 01:22:19,725 --> 01:22:21,605 Well, if you're me. 1687 01:22:22,653 --> 01:22:24,883 That's his car. 1688 01:22:24,884 --> 01:22:26,467 Who the hell is that? 1689 01:22:26,468 --> 01:22:28,381 I don't know. I'm gonna track him. 1690 01:22:28,382 --> 01:22:29,664 How? 1691 01:22:29,665 --> 01:22:31,759 The watch I gave him has a GPS locator 1692 01:22:31,760 --> 01:22:33,881 and a short-range Bluetooth microphone. 1693 01:22:33,882 --> 01:22:35,332 Wow. 1694 01:22:35,333 --> 01:22:36,595 What else can it do? 1695 01:22:36,596 --> 01:22:38,180 It's also a watch. 1696 01:22:39,174 --> 01:22:40,570 Wow. 1697 01:22:40,571 --> 01:22:43,552 Yeah, I also have cameras at his apartment. 1698 01:22:43,553 --> 01:22:46,292 If you don't watch everybody, you can get... 1699 01:22:46,293 --> 01:22:48,575 Can we please just go find Garrett? 1700 01:22:48,576 --> 01:22:50,697 Yeah, let's find Garrett. 1701 01:22:52,928 --> 01:22:56,500 You're undercover and you actually wear 1702 01:22:56,501 --> 01:22:58,247 a Van Nuys PD T-shirt? 1703 01:22:59,590 --> 01:23:01,899 All my white ones got puke on them. 1704 01:23:01,900 --> 01:23:04,585 You protect these guys? 1705 01:23:04,586 --> 01:23:07,003 You give them information, but you try and bust me? 1706 01:23:07,004 --> 01:23:09,071 I still have to be a cop, right? 1707 01:23:09,072 --> 01:23:11,355 Someone has to go down. 1708 01:23:11,356 --> 01:23:14,632 You're the new guy, you get the winning lottery ticket. 1709 01:23:19,038 --> 01:23:20,515 Ugh. And now you think 1710 01:23:20,516 --> 01:23:23,523 you're not gonna help us anymore, ese? 1711 01:23:23,524 --> 01:23:26,989 No more protection from Detective Garrett Fowler? 1712 01:23:26,990 --> 01:23:28,466 No way. 1713 01:23:28,467 --> 01:23:29,944 We own you, homes. 1714 01:23:29,945 --> 01:23:30,945 Julio, with your credit rating, 1715 01:23:30,946 --> 01:23:33,866 you really can't own anything. 1716 01:23:35,532 --> 01:23:36,392 God! We're not gonna 1717 01:23:36,393 --> 01:23:37,787 let you, homes. 1718 01:23:37,788 --> 01:23:39,023 Hm! 1719 01:23:39,024 --> 01:23:40,662 You're our inside guy. 1720 01:23:40,663 --> 01:23:42,032 We need you. 1721 01:23:42,033 --> 01:23:44,718 You keep helping us, or you'll end up 1722 01:23:44,719 --> 01:23:47,055 like those two cops I buried up in Barstow. 1723 01:23:47,056 --> 01:23:48,667 Huh? 1724 01:23:48,668 --> 01:23:50,870 Garrett, we've been friends a long time. 1725 01:23:50,871 --> 01:23:53,045 Why you never not wanna be my friend no more now? 1726 01:23:53,046 --> 01:23:55,947 I think we can all agree it's your grammar. 1727 01:23:57,640 --> 01:23:59,009 Okay. You got to gun? 1728 01:23:59,010 --> 01:24:00,278 Nuh, nuh, no. 1729 01:24:00,279 --> 01:24:01,279 Good. 1730 01:24:01,280 --> 01:24:03,579 I got a nuh, knife. 1731 01:24:03,580 --> 01:24:04,580 All right. 1732 01:24:05,675 --> 01:24:08,492 Is that a new shotgun? 1733 01:24:08,493 --> 01:24:09,938 Yeah. 1734 01:24:09,939 --> 01:24:11,778 Full assault. 1735 01:24:11,779 --> 01:24:14,927 Twice the load of my old one. 1736 01:24:14,928 --> 01:24:16,054 Sexy. 1737 01:24:33,584 --> 01:24:34,584 Night, night. 1738 01:24:35,544 --> 01:24:36,742 That was incredible. 1739 01:24:36,743 --> 01:24:37,795 How'd you do that? 1740 01:24:37,796 --> 01:24:40,056 Pressure points. 1741 01:24:40,057 --> 01:24:43,482 Uh-oh. 1742 01:24:45,620 --> 01:24:47,168 That was incredible. 1743 01:24:47,169 --> 01:24:48,169 Yeah. 1744 01:25:11,512 --> 01:25:13,432 What the hell is this? 1745 01:25:14,485 --> 01:25:16,993 You put everything in here, puto? 1746 01:25:16,994 --> 01:25:18,170 Everything we ever did? 1747 01:25:18,171 --> 01:25:20,152 Everything we ever paid you for? 1748 01:25:20,153 --> 01:25:22,010 What kind of dumb ass keeps records 1749 01:25:22,011 --> 01:25:24,488 of all his criminal activity like this? 1750 01:25:24,489 --> 01:25:26,470 Once a cop, always a cop. 1751 01:25:26,471 --> 01:25:27,616 He was setting us up. 1752 01:25:27,617 --> 01:25:28,886 No. 1753 01:25:28,887 --> 01:25:31,146 It was a gift for my girlfriend. 1754 01:25:31,147 --> 01:25:32,509 Ex-girlfriend. 1755 01:25:32,510 --> 01:25:34,058 You gave your girlfriend evidence 1756 01:25:34,059 --> 01:25:36,009 of our criminal activity? 1757 01:25:36,010 --> 01:25:37,681 You know, I thought if I gave her the evidence, 1758 01:25:37,682 --> 01:25:41,585 then I would go to jail and she would love me again. 1759 01:25:44,929 --> 01:25:48,027 Love is a fickle mistress, homes. 1760 01:25:49,544 --> 01:25:53,113 I can say this, it was good while it lasted, huh? 1761 01:25:55,592 --> 01:25:59,587 I remember when you called me and you said we were over. 1762 01:26:01,383 --> 01:26:02,383 It hurt. 1763 01:26:03,684 --> 01:26:05,471 And you said you didn't wanna see me anymore 1764 01:26:05,472 --> 01:26:08,197 and we should go our separate ways. 1765 01:26:09,962 --> 01:26:12,811 And here I see you with a folder. 1766 01:26:12,812 --> 01:26:14,546 A folder about us. 1767 01:26:20,585 --> 01:26:21,841 Go wash my car! 1768 01:26:29,956 --> 01:26:33,300 And for that, you die, cop! 1769 01:26:36,924 --> 01:26:38,255 Police! 1770 01:26:38,256 --> 01:26:41,384 Freeze! 1771 01:26:43,614 --> 01:26:45,503 Drop the weapons now! 1772 01:26:55,630 --> 01:26:56,630 Holy hell. 1773 01:26:59,015 --> 01:27:00,015 We heard gunshots! 1774 01:27:00,016 --> 01:27:01,731 Was that gunshots? 1775 01:27:01,732 --> 01:27:02,732 Kill them! 1776 01:27:02,733 --> 01:27:04,084 Not today! 1777 01:27:08,004 --> 01:27:09,004 Ow! 1778 01:27:09,005 --> 01:27:10,233 Goddammit, Morgan! 1779 01:27:10,234 --> 01:27:11,596 Sorry! 1780 01:27:11,597 --> 01:27:12,835 What is this? 1781 01:27:12,836 --> 01:27:14,198 Maybe he's not a cop! 1782 01:27:14,199 --> 01:27:16,490 LAPD, you are under arrest! 1783 01:27:17,822 --> 01:27:19,648 A cripple, a midget, and whatever 1784 01:27:19,649 --> 01:27:20,887 the hell is wrong with him? 1785 01:27:20,888 --> 01:27:22,900 This is your backup, Fowler? 1786 01:27:22,901 --> 01:27:24,325 He doesn't even have a gun! 1787 01:27:24,326 --> 01:27:26,183 Fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh... 1788 01:27:26,184 --> 01:27:27,184 Shut up! 1789 01:27:27,185 --> 01:27:28,692 You're dead, gimp! 1790 01:27:28,693 --> 01:27:30,055 Alvin! 1791 01:27:34,825 --> 01:27:38,664 Their names are Mac, Morgan, and Sophie. 1792 01:27:38,665 --> 01:27:39,904 My name is Alvin. 1793 01:27:41,112 --> 01:27:42,599 Nice to meet you. 1794 01:28:05,132 --> 01:28:08,547 Oh no! 1795 01:28:09,936 --> 01:28:10,936 Oh, now... 1796 01:28:15,052 --> 01:28:16,695 Now I'm pissed. 1797 01:28:16,696 --> 01:28:20,857 Alvin, if he moves, I want you to shoot him in the eye. 1798 01:28:20,858 --> 01:28:21,858 I got it. 1799 01:28:21,859 --> 01:28:22,935 The left eye. 1800 01:28:22,936 --> 01:28:25,269 My left or his left? 1801 01:28:25,270 --> 01:28:26,876 Dealer's choice. 1802 01:28:30,102 --> 01:28:31,102 My left. 1803 01:28:33,104 --> 01:28:36,907 Well, Julio, looks like 1804 01:28:36,908 --> 01:28:40,757 you have four attempted murder charges. 1805 01:28:40,758 --> 01:28:43,780 You're really ambitious, aren't you? 1806 01:28:43,781 --> 01:28:47,752 Well all that evidence, is evidence against you too. 1807 01:28:47,753 --> 01:28:50,710 I hope you're in the cell next to me, puto. 1808 01:28:50,711 --> 01:28:54,553 Yeah, well, you'll probably get your wish. 1809 01:28:55,534 --> 01:28:57,167 Hey, Fowler. 1810 01:28:59,243 --> 01:29:01,301 Finally feel like a real cop. 1811 01:29:01,302 --> 01:29:02,776 Yeah. 1812 01:29:05,152 --> 01:29:06,152 Me too. 1813 01:29:07,246 --> 01:29:08,799 LAPD! 1814 01:29:09,861 --> 01:29:11,708 All right, everybody, freeze. 1815 01:29:11,709 --> 01:29:12,592 Fowler! 1816 01:29:12,593 --> 01:29:14,301 Captain, what the hell are you doing here? 1817 01:29:14,302 --> 01:29:15,159 Well, the mayor called. 1818 01:29:15,160 --> 01:29:16,667 What's going on? 1819 01:29:16,668 --> 01:29:18,815 Bad guys doing bad guy stuff. 1820 01:29:18,816 --> 01:29:21,159 This whole place is just full of evidence. 1821 01:29:21,160 --> 01:29:22,855 So is that folder. 1822 01:29:25,048 --> 01:29:26,924 Get them outta here. 1823 01:29:30,217 --> 01:29:32,658 Uh, Captain, that's nothing. 1824 01:29:32,659 --> 01:29:33,910 That's just my evidence. 1825 01:29:33,911 --> 01:29:35,969 Oh yeah, sure looks like it is. 1826 01:29:35,970 --> 01:29:37,630 Hey, where the hell's Alvin? 1827 01:29:38,677 --> 01:29:39,677 I'm right here. 1828 01:29:40,799 --> 01:29:43,612 Alvin took those first three guys out with Mac's help. 1829 01:29:43,613 --> 01:29:46,798 The two dead guys, that was all Sophie. 1830 01:29:46,799 --> 01:29:49,071 This, I just got stabbed in the shoulder. 1831 01:29:49,072 --> 01:29:51,690 And that was all, all me. 1832 01:29:53,350 --> 01:29:54,858 The hell is that smell? 1833 01:29:55,594 --> 01:29:57,938 And what is on his chest? 1834 01:30:03,894 --> 01:30:06,244 That's our calling card, sir. 1835 01:30:06,245 --> 01:30:08,428 That's our calling card. 1836 01:30:13,994 --> 01:30:15,254 You're kinda disgusting. 1837 01:30:16,044 --> 01:30:17,044 Yeah. 1838 01:30:36,717 --> 01:30:39,267 Oh, Fowler! 1839 01:30:42,818 --> 01:30:43,997 Oh. 1840 01:30:43,998 --> 01:30:45,125 Sir, there it is. 1841 01:30:45,126 --> 01:30:47,290 Thank you... Fowler, do you know 1842 01:30:47,291 --> 01:30:50,101 when your faith in God is renewed? 1843 01:30:50,102 --> 01:30:51,876 Not even a little bit. 1844 01:30:51,877 --> 01:30:55,951 When something happens that you've been praying for. 1845 01:30:57,123 --> 01:30:58,951 Do you know what this is? 1846 01:30:58,952 --> 01:30:59,938 Sir, it's... 1847 01:30:59,939 --> 01:31:01,410 It's a 10-year prison sentence 1848 01:31:01,411 --> 01:31:05,834 for a cop who I knew was dirty, but I couldn't prove it. 1849 01:31:05,835 --> 01:31:08,088 I've already called IA. 1850 01:31:08,089 --> 01:31:10,982 I might even put you in custody tonight. 1851 01:31:10,983 --> 01:31:13,458 In fact, Garrett Fowler, 1852 01:31:13,459 --> 01:31:16,334 you have the right to remain silent... 1853 01:31:16,335 --> 01:31:19,725 Captain, I need Detective Garrett right now! 1854 01:31:19,726 --> 01:31:21,942 The mayor called an emergency press conference. 1855 01:31:21,943 --> 01:31:23,780 Oh, Detective Fowler's unavailable. 1856 01:31:23,781 --> 01:31:24,722 He's about to... Ooh! 1857 01:31:24,722 --> 01:31:25,722 She told me to grab this! 1858 01:31:25,722 --> 01:31:26,722 Thanks! 1859 01:31:45,717 --> 01:31:48,626 I have to go see the mayor again. 1860 01:31:59,484 --> 01:32:03,823 This city owes a big debt to the officers behind me. 1861 01:32:03,824 --> 01:32:05,474 They stopped a menace to the city. 1862 01:32:05,475 --> 01:32:06,814 Let's give them a big hand. 1863 01:32:12,842 --> 01:32:16,359 Now, these officers stopped three drug dealers 1864 01:32:16,360 --> 01:32:20,665 that were terrorizing the city of Van Nuys and its citizens. 1865 01:32:21,348 --> 01:32:23,201 Garrett Fowler has been working 1866 01:32:23,202 --> 01:32:26,094 this case for 10 years undercover. 1867 01:32:26,095 --> 01:32:28,980 The evidence is ironclad. 1868 01:32:30,196 --> 01:32:32,014 These criminals are gonna go away 1869 01:32:32,015 --> 01:32:34,297 for a very, very long time. 1870 01:32:34,945 --> 01:32:38,087 Now, some criminals never go to jail 1871 01:32:39,187 --> 01:32:42,332 for the horrible, horrible things that they do, 1872 01:32:42,333 --> 01:32:45,395 but because of Detective Fowler and his 1873 01:32:46,336 --> 01:32:47,336 partners, 1874 01:32:47,904 --> 01:32:50,830 Van Nuys is a safer place to live. 1875 01:32:50,831 --> 01:32:52,268 Let's give them another hand. 1876 01:32:55,100 --> 01:32:56,289 Yes, he is the best. 1877 01:32:56,290 --> 01:32:59,396 Just gets better and better everyday, right? 1878 01:32:59,397 --> 01:33:00,913 Yep, better everyday. 1879 01:33:00,914 --> 01:33:02,251 You two need to get a room. 1880 01:33:02,252 --> 01:33:05,005 Wuh, wuh, wuh, we are. 1881 01:33:05,006 --> 01:33:08,142 The underground bunkers are placed around the country, 1882 01:33:08,143 --> 01:33:11,542 Denver Airport, under Tesla Motors factory, 1883 01:33:11,543 --> 01:33:13,089 and Giant's Stadium. 1884 01:33:13,551 --> 01:33:15,982 Did they embed the chip in your arm yet? 1885 01:33:15,983 --> 01:33:17,455 I cut mine out. 1886 01:33:17,456 --> 01:33:18,456 Here. 1887 01:33:18,456 --> 01:33:19,409 Okay. 1888 01:33:19,409 --> 01:33:20,409 Wait. 1889 01:33:20,971 --> 01:33:23,048 Wait, you can check for yourself! 1890 01:33:23,049 --> 01:33:24,388 Women. 1891 01:33:24,389 --> 01:33:27,158 Can't live with them, can't live without them. 1892 01:33:27,159 --> 01:33:28,436 Can't bake cookies with them. 1893 01:33:28,437 --> 01:33:30,096 Can't take them to men's bathroom. 1894 01:33:30,097 --> 01:33:31,097 Hi Alvin. 1895 01:33:32,002 --> 01:33:33,465 Hi Margie Pretty. 1896 01:33:34,193 --> 01:33:36,171 Pretty's not my last name. 1897 01:33:36,172 --> 01:33:37,172 Yes, it is. 1898 01:33:38,019 --> 01:33:39,019 Wow. 1899 01:33:39,906 --> 01:33:43,551 I canceled my subscription to Hustler magazine. 1900 01:33:45,255 --> 01:33:47,146 Okay. Okay. 1901 01:33:55,338 --> 01:33:56,338 Oh, hi! 1902 01:33:56,978 --> 01:33:58,933 We are just so proud of you. 1903 01:33:58,934 --> 01:34:01,336 Is it okay if my son says hi? 1904 01:34:01,337 --> 01:34:04,638 Hi, I'm Billy and I wanna be a detective just like you! 1905 01:34:04,639 --> 01:34:06,032 And shoot bad guys! 1906 01:34:06,033 --> 01:34:07,504 Bang, bang, bang! Gun! 1907 01:34:27,326 --> 01:34:29,373 What the hell? 1908 01:34:29,374 --> 01:34:31,308 You guys working with Make-A-Wish now? 1909 01:34:33,466 --> 01:34:36,017 LAPD is a carnival freak show! 1910 01:34:37,153 --> 01:34:38,857 The worst! 1911 01:34:40,899 --> 01:34:43,126 Good job, officers. 1912 01:34:43,127 --> 01:34:45,034 Have a safe night. 1913 01:34:52,124 --> 01:34:54,534 The hell happened to the car? 1914 01:34:54,535 --> 01:34:56,008 I upgraded. 1915 01:34:56,009 --> 01:34:57,387 Badass. 1916 01:34:57,388 --> 01:34:58,532 Morgan. 1917 01:34:58,533 --> 01:35:00,335 Yeah? You're driving. 1918 01:35:02,040 --> 01:35:03,364 Let's roll. 1919 01:35:06,266 --> 01:35:07,266 Oh. 1920 01:35:10,047 --> 01:35:11,047 Wait! 1921 01:35:11,681 --> 01:35:13,696 God, you idiot. 1922 01:35:23,584 --> 01:35:25,956 Car 723, officers are requesting 1923 01:35:25,957 --> 01:35:27,554 an investigative team. 1924 01:35:27,555 --> 01:35:30,092 2100, block of Hatteras, cross street, Tujunga. 1925 01:35:31,324 --> 01:35:33,444 This is Officer Morgan. 1926 01:35:33,445 --> 01:35:36,027 We, we have a, ha, ha, ha, ha... 1927 01:35:36,028 --> 01:35:37,550 Give me that! 1928 01:35:37,551 --> 01:35:40,186 ♪ Pain inside my heart 1929 01:35:40,187 --> 01:35:42,745 ♪ Trouble stay on my mind 1930 01:35:42,746 --> 01:35:45,381 ♪ Everything falls apart 1931 01:35:45,382 --> 01:35:48,079 ♪ It's happening all the time 1932 01:35:48,080 --> 01:35:50,565 ♪ Living by Murphy's Law 1933 01:35:50,566 --> 01:35:53,308 ♪ Trying to have it all 1934 01:35:53,309 --> 01:35:56,015 ♪ Running from instant karma 1935 01:35:56,016 --> 01:35:58,245 ♪ Every man's bound to fall 1936 01:35:58,246 --> 01:36:00,420 ♪ Life is short, the grind is long 1937 01:36:00,421 --> 01:36:03,269 ♪ Some of my very best friends are gone 1938 01:36:03,270 --> 01:36:05,488 ♪ My hustle's strong, my money's all spent 1939 01:36:05,489 --> 01:36:08,071 ♪ On buying bitches, titties, and drugs and rent 1940 01:36:08,072 --> 01:36:10,672 ♪ Work a double shift grind, I can't save a dime 1941 01:36:10,673 --> 01:36:15,199 ♪ My daughter needs medicine I just can't afford 1942 01:36:15,200 --> 01:36:16,708 He's also naked, so basically, 1943 01:36:16,709 --> 01:36:18,226 he came after me with two hammers. 1944 01:36:21,094 --> 01:36:23,605 You guys, I got to say that after working 1945 01:36:23,606 --> 01:36:24,573 with you guys for four weeks, 1946 01:36:24,574 --> 01:36:26,570 I'm still pretty sure you idiots are gonna get 1947 01:36:26,571 --> 01:36:28,097 me killed, but 1948 01:36:28,639 --> 01:36:29,667 I'm impressed. 1949 01:36:29,668 --> 01:36:31,096 Damn right, you are. 1950 01:36:31,097 --> 01:36:32,097 You should be. 1951 01:36:32,615 --> 01:36:34,008 Hello, what would you like? 1952 01:36:34,009 --> 01:36:36,653 I'm gonna have the Baja Burrito and a Bud. 1953 01:36:36,654 --> 01:36:39,760 May I say, you are a saint for working 1954 01:36:39,761 --> 01:36:41,127 with these kind of people. 1955 01:36:41,128 --> 01:36:42,440 Them and their kind, they have every right 1956 01:36:42,441 --> 01:36:44,065 to be out in public, no matter how bad 1957 01:36:44,066 --> 01:36:45,760 they creep people out, yeah. 1958 01:36:45,761 --> 01:36:47,500 So what will they have? 1959 01:36:47,501 --> 01:36:51,512 Fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh, 1960 01:36:51,513 --> 01:36:54,619 fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh, fuh... 1961 01:36:54,620 --> 01:36:55,799 Stop it! 1962 01:36:55,800 --> 01:36:59,225 Fuh... Stop your tantrum right now! 1963 01:36:59,226 --> 01:37:02,775 You guys, I am tired of your tantrums. 1964 01:37:02,776 --> 01:37:06,760 I will not have you guys destroy this place. 1965 01:37:06,761 --> 01:37:07,720 Destroy? 1966 01:37:07,721 --> 01:37:10,542 Yeah, I take them on these trips all the time 1967 01:37:10,543 --> 01:37:12,326 to get them out in public so they don't act 1968 01:37:12,327 --> 01:37:13,631 like those people like you said. 1969 01:37:13,632 --> 01:37:15,761 I know what you're talking about. 1970 01:37:15,762 --> 01:37:18,362 And they have trashed every place 1971 01:37:18,363 --> 01:37:21,531 I have taken them to, and I am tired of it! 1972 01:37:21,532 --> 01:37:24,247 This is a very, very, very nice lady, 1973 01:37:24,248 --> 01:37:27,628 and she does not need a bunch of gimps 1974 01:37:27,629 --> 01:37:30,211 messing her place up! 1975 01:37:30,212 --> 01:37:32,084 Oh my. Do you got it? 1976 01:37:32,085 --> 01:37:33,442 Can you stop it? 1977 01:37:33,443 --> 01:37:36,398 Well, as long as you don't use their trigger word. 1978 01:37:36,399 --> 01:37:37,399 What is it? 1979 01:37:40,239 --> 01:37:43,229 Starts with an R and ends with a D. 1980 01:37:43,230 --> 01:37:44,427 All right, and D, R and D. 1981 01:37:44,428 --> 01:37:45,428 Oh, retard. 1982 01:37:49,824 --> 01:37:53,107 You said it. You said it. 1983 01:37:53,108 --> 01:37:55,505 Why'd you say it? Don't say it! 1984 01:37:56,570 --> 01:37:58,140 No. No, please. 1985 01:37:58,141 --> 01:37:59,516 Please, no. Please. 1986 01:37:59,517 --> 01:38:00,517 Oh! No! 1987 01:38:01,541 --> 01:38:02,428 No, please! 1988 01:38:02,429 --> 01:38:04,309 No, please stop! 1989 01:38:04,310 --> 01:38:05,189 Oh! 1990 01:38:05,190 --> 01:38:06,377 No! Oh! 1991 01:38:06,378 --> 01:38:07,602 No, please! 1992 01:38:07,603 --> 01:38:08,917 Please, no! 1993 01:38:12,207 --> 01:38:15,920 Our kind are so unpredictable! 1994 01:38:16,249 --> 01:38:19,589 Apologies for our rude behavior. 1995 01:38:19,590 --> 01:38:23,043 We were a, a, atrocious. 1996 01:38:23,371 --> 01:38:24,757 Sorry. 1997 01:38:24,758 --> 01:38:27,394 Yeah, I know that everybody left 1998 01:38:27,395 --> 01:38:29,843 and they probably didn't tip. 1999 01:38:29,844 --> 01:38:32,463 So this, all of it, is for you. 2000 01:38:34,886 --> 01:38:38,331 Sorry you had to deal with those people. 2001 01:38:44,198 --> 01:38:45,820 You! 2002 01:38:50,802 --> 01:38:53,749 You don't deserve your own Olympics! 136795

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