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1
00:00:23,300 --> 00:00:25,200
And they wonder why
those of us in our twenties...
2
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,700
refuse to work
an 80-hour week...
3
00:00:27,900 --> 00:00:31,100
just so we can afford
to buy their BMWs...
4
00:00:31,135 --> 00:00:33,165
why we aren't interested...
5
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,700
in the counterculture
that they invented...
6
00:00:35,900 --> 00:00:38,900
as if we did not see them
disembowel their revolution...
7
00:00:38,935 --> 00:00:41,367
for a pair
of running shoes.
8
00:00:41,402 --> 00:00:43,951
But the question remains...
9
00:00:43,986 --> 00:00:46,465
what are we going to do now?
10
00:00:46,500 --> 00:00:50,600
How can we repair all the damage
we inherited?
11
00:00:50,635 --> 00:00:54,600
Fellow graduates,
the answer is simple.
12
00:00:54,635 --> 00:00:56,000
The answer is...
13
00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:09,050
The answer is...
14
00:01:09,085 --> 00:01:11,000
I don't know.
15
00:01:20,700 --> 00:01:22,700
Good save, Lelaina.
16
00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:26,850
I'm not a valedictorian,
but I play one on TV.
17
00:01:26,885 --> 00:01:29,900
We all know you slept your way
to the podium.
18
00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:38,765
My favorite part about
graduating now would be...
19
00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:41,800
dodging my student-loan officer
for the rest of my life.
20
00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:43,265
He will be in cahoots...
21
00:01:43,300 --> 00:01:45,300
with the Columbia
Record and Tape Company guy...
22
00:01:45,335 --> 00:01:49,100
who's been after my ass
for years.
23
00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:51,800
Troy Dyer, I brought you back
a souvenir.
24
00:01:51,900 --> 00:01:52,800
Ah...
25
00:01:52,900 --> 00:01:55,800
You know, you can still go back
next year and graduate...
26
00:01:55,900 --> 00:01:57,300
still get your BFA.
27
00:01:57,400 --> 00:02:01,300
Oh, can I? And then I can hang
this on my rearview mirror...
28
00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:04,800
to brag to all my good buddies
back home that I graduated.
29
00:02:04,900 --> 00:02:07,500
Well, I through
with the whole life drama.
30
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,200
Well, I know
this sounds cornball...
31
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:18,700
but I'd like to somehow make
a difference in people's lives.
32
00:02:20,900 --> 00:02:24,300
And I... I would like
to buy them all a Coke.
33
00:02:25,300 --> 00:02:28,265
And you wonder
why we never got involved.
34
00:02:28,300 --> 00:02:30,800
Three words... November sixteenth
nineteen-ninety...
35
00:02:30,835 --> 00:02:32,617
Oh, totally drunk
and out of my mind!
36
00:02:32,652 --> 00:02:34,526
It would have been
a poetic experience...
37
00:02:34,561 --> 00:02:36,980
if I weren't such a gentleman,
which I am.
38
00:02:37,015 --> 00:02:39,400
Just let it go, Dyer.
Surrender the fantasy.
39
00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:43,400
Hey, Sammy,
what's your goal?
40
00:02:43,435 --> 00:02:45,100
My goal is to...
41
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,900
Like a career or something.
42
00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:59,400
Lainie, I think the moment
has been appropriately captured.
43
00:02:59,435 --> 00:03:02,400
Would you please take your face
out of the camera?
44
00:03:02,435 --> 00:03:04,900
Come on.
It's for my documentary.
45
00:03:04,935 --> 00:03:06,300
Her...
46
00:03:08,300 --> 00:03:09,700
Documentary.
47
00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:14,600
Think fast.
48
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,400
Here's the deal.
49
00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:23,900
I'm going to take Sam
against his will...
50
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:26,450
and straighten him out
because I truly believe...
51
00:03:26,485 --> 00:03:28,900
that if we can get two women
on the Supreme Court...
52
00:03:28,935 --> 00:03:31,200
we can get at least one
on you, Sam.
53
00:03:33,500 --> 00:03:35,500
I'm Superman.
54
00:03:36,500 --> 00:03:38,500
-I can fly.
-She's toast.
55
00:03:38,535 --> 00:03:39,465
Aah!
56
00:03:39,500 --> 00:03:41,900
Quick, Vickie.
What's your social security?
57
00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:45,900
Uh... 851-25-9357.
58
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:47,800
Very impressive.
59
00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,800
It's the only thing
I really learned in college.
60
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:58,065
Sometimes I get that
"not so fresh" feeling.
61
00:03:58,100 --> 00:04:02,000
Conjunction junction,
what's your function?
62
00:04:02,035 --> 00:04:05,967
Hooking up words
and phrases and clauses
63
00:04:06,002 --> 00:04:10,501
Conjunction junction,
how's that function?
64
00:04:10,536 --> 00:04:15,000
Got three favorite cars
that get most of my...
65
00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:32,000
Honey, honey. No, no, no.
66
00:04:40,900 --> 00:04:42,965
Is yours good?
67
00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:45,000
It doesn't seem fresh.
68
00:04:45,035 --> 00:04:46,800
I'm sorry.
69
00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:53,865
Well, I guess
it's about time...
70
00:04:53,900 --> 00:04:56,200
for me to give you
your graduation present, huh?
71
00:04:58,500 --> 00:04:59,965
Your... gas card.
72
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,700
I'll pay that bill for one year.
73
00:05:01,900 --> 00:05:05,000
And since Helen Anne's got
herself a brand-new Infinity...
74
00:05:05,100 --> 00:05:07,000
we're gonna give you
her old BMW.
75
00:05:07,100 --> 00:05:09,300
You can pick it up
at our house.
76
00:05:09,335 --> 00:05:13,565
-BMW? BMW?
-Yeah.
77
00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:16,600
Tom, didn't you listen
to her speech today?
78
00:05:16,635 --> 00:05:18,667
She didn't want a BMW.
79
00:05:18,702 --> 00:05:20,665
Mom, I'll handle this.
80
00:05:20,700 --> 00:05:22,165
I'm not gonna sit here
and listen again...
81
00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:24,700
to some strange ethical argument
about a damn car.
82
00:05:24,900 --> 00:05:26,650
Now, it's got four wheels.
It runs well.
83
00:05:26,685 --> 00:05:28,400
And, little darling,
after you've been...
84
00:05:28,435 --> 00:05:29,917
in the real world
for a while...
85
00:05:29,952 --> 00:05:31,365
you're gonna appreciate
that car.
86
00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:33,500
Yeah. Just think of all those
starving children in Africa...
87
00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:35,500
who don't even have cars.
88
00:05:35,700 --> 00:05:37,400
Troy, does your father
give you gifts like that?
89
00:05:37,435 --> 00:05:38,465
Mom.
90
00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:41,000
Well, actually, my father's
dying of prostate cancer...
91
00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:43,600
so I don't really trouble him
much for gifts.
92
00:05:47,500 --> 00:05:49,565
See, Tom.
93
00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:52,450
You don't want a BMW.
Tell him, Lelaina.
94
00:05:52,485 --> 00:05:55,265
Charlane, she can
make up her own mind.
95
00:05:55,300 --> 00:05:59,400
Dad, don't talk to her that way.
She's not a child.
96
00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:01,100
Well, she married one.
97
00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:04,400
What?
98
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:09,400
All right. Excuse me.
Come on, come on.
99
00:06:09,435 --> 00:06:11,400
Mom, Dad, I'll take the BMW...
100
00:06:11,500 --> 00:06:14,400
until I can afford to buy
a regular car myself, OK?
101
00:06:14,435 --> 00:06:16,317
OK, Mom?
102
00:06:16,352 --> 00:06:18,165
Please?
103
00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:19,800
Mom, please, come on.
104
00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:31,500
Get a Ford.
105
00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:04,550
SINGING:
Just to float on the sea
106
00:07:04,585 --> 00:07:09,300
Find myself on a page of history
107
00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:13,600
You know, as I ride along
108
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:16,765
I can always hear the song
109
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:22,300
about you
and where you're meant to be
110
00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:27,250
Well, you're gonna
tell me the answers
111
00:07:27,285 --> 00:07:30,700
I'll know when you
come back to me
112
00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:48,600
If we should fall,
love will catch us every time
113
00:07:48,700 --> 00:07:52,300
I hear you call, I will run
114
00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:59,500
And if the magic
of the adventure overcomes
115
00:07:59,535 --> 00:08:04,300
We won't cry,
because it could be fun
116
00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:10,600
Well, I'm gonna
tell you the answers
117
00:08:10,635 --> 00:08:14,600
You'll know when you
come back to me
118
00:08:30,500 --> 00:08:35,665
Gonna be all right
119
00:08:35,700 --> 00:08:38,300
When you come back to me
120
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:21,365
Good morning!
121
00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:23,400
Good morning!
122
00:09:23,435 --> 00:09:25,765
Ha ha ha ha!
123
00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:28,400
Yes. Good morning,
ladies and... gentleman!
124
00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:30,800
I see a gentleman
right over there!
125
00:09:30,835 --> 00:09:32,865
Good morning!
126
00:09:32,900 --> 00:09:34,865
Good morning!
Boy, I tell you...
127
00:09:34,900 --> 00:09:37,650
it is a good morning
with this audience.
128
00:09:37,685 --> 00:09:40,292
Ha! Well, today,
for all you dieters...
129
00:09:40,327 --> 00:09:42,900
guiltless goodies
from chef Skinny Ninny.
130
00:09:42,935 --> 00:09:45,865
Whoa. Mmm!
131
00:09:45,900 --> 00:09:47,865
And we'll also be visiting
with a man...
132
00:09:47,900 --> 00:09:51,300
right here from Houston
who is battling Alzheimer's.
133
00:09:53,100 --> 00:09:55,700
A beautiful
and touching story...
134
00:09:55,735 --> 00:09:58,265
of the triumph
of the human spirit.
135
00:09:58,300 --> 00:10:01,300
He's so cheesy, I can't
watch him without crackers.
136
00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:03,600
Now let's take a peek
inside our "Video View"...
137
00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:07,200
and see what we have
in store for today.
138
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:10,765
It's a special report
139
00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:14,100
on children's
birthday party themes...
140
00:10:14,135 --> 00:10:15,565
taped on location...
141
00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:17,665
at 8-year-old
Davy Robbins' party...
142
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:21,500
exclusively for our
"Video View" collection.
143
00:10:21,535 --> 00:10:23,865
Ha ha ha!
144
00:10:23,900 --> 00:10:27,400
So... come sit with me.
145
00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:31,000
Relax.
Have a cup of joe.
146
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:34,700
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
147
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:40,200
Well, anyway, it's gonna be
a good day. Good morning!
148
00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:43,700
You're beautiful.
149
00:10:48,900 --> 00:10:50,600
We're clear.
150
00:10:54,100 --> 00:10:55,500
Am I here to amuse you,
Miss Pierce?
151
00:10:55,535 --> 00:10:57,065
Am I here to make you laugh?
152
00:10:57,100 --> 00:10:58,600
Is that the real reason
I'm on this show?
153
00:10:58,635 --> 00:11:00,067
Mr. Gubler, when I prepare
your note cards...
154
00:11:00,102 --> 00:11:01,601
you're supposed to get
your own espresso.
155
00:11:01,636 --> 00:11:03,068
Didn't you get
my "espress yourself" memo?
156
00:11:03,103 --> 00:11:04,500
I don't have time
for your little mind games.
157
00:11:04,535 --> 00:11:06,065
I'd like to remind you...
158
00:11:06,100 --> 00:11:08,065
that we're laying people
off around here.
159
00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:11,100
I can find an intern who will do
your job for free like that.
160
00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:22,300
SINGING:
I been locked out
161
00:11:22,335 --> 00:11:24,565
I been locked in
162
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:28,565
But I always seem
to come back again
163
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:31,765
And the view, when I look
from my window...
164
00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:34,000
Oh, that's a much better size.
That looks great.
165
00:11:34,100 --> 00:11:37,100
That would go really well
with the EZ-Fits.
166
00:11:37,135 --> 00:11:40,100
So... Oh, buttoning it up.
That's even better.
167
00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:45,200
Yeah, roll 'em right up.
168
00:11:45,235 --> 00:11:47,200
It's liberating, isn't it?
169
00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:54,100
I bought
a toothbrush, some toothpaste
170
00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:56,500
A flannel for my face
171
00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:59,100
Pajamas, a hairbrush
172
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,400
new shoes, and a case
173
00:12:01,435 --> 00:12:04,567
I said to my reflection
174
00:12:04,602 --> 00:12:07,700
Let's get out of this place
175
00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:11,600
Past the church and the steeple
176
00:12:11,700 --> 00:12:13,600
The laundry on the hill
177
00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:17,800
Murder, there's one committed
each 7 seconds.
178
00:12:19,100 --> 00:12:22,800
Hello. I got cut off.
I'm sorry.
179
00:12:22,900 --> 00:12:26,700
Tempted by the fruit of another
180
00:12:26,735 --> 00:12:27,600
Waa waa
181
00:12:29,700 --> 00:12:31,000
Hello? What?
182
00:12:31,100 --> 00:12:34,600
Tempted, but the truth
is discovered
183
00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:41,800
No, no, no.
Listen, he needs us, OK?
184
00:12:41,835 --> 00:12:44,400
If he makes videos,
we show them, OK?
185
00:12:44,500 --> 00:12:47,300
It's symbiotic. It's like
a "chicken or the egg?"
186
00:12:47,335 --> 00:12:50,000
It's both of them
working together.
187
00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:53,100
Yeah, uh-huh.
Well, let me tell you something.
188
00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:55,500
No, no, no.
I'm not scared of...
189
00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:57,050
Jesus!
190
00:12:57,085 --> 00:12:58,500
Aah!
191
00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:00,500
MAN ON TELEPHONE:
Michael, don't laugh at me.
192
00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:01,500
What?
193
00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:05,200
No, I'm in an accident.
I got in an accident.
194
00:13:05,235 --> 00:13:06,700
Yeah, I'm fine.
195
00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:08,500
No. I'll call you back,
all right?
196
00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:09,865
I'm gonna call you...
197
00:13:09,900 --> 00:13:11,800
When you said
you would sue...
198
00:13:11,835 --> 00:13:13,665
Well, it's not
really my idea.
199
00:13:13,700 --> 00:13:16,100
It's just I got my lawyer guy
telling me, you know...
200
00:13:16,135 --> 00:13:18,065
something, like,
about my rates or...
201
00:13:18,100 --> 00:13:21,900
Right. You mean, like sue
in a courtroom for money?
202
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:23,100
I don't even know...
203
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:24,700
because I've never really
done anything like this before.
204
00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:25,900
I mean, do you have
a lawyer or something?
205
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:29,100
No, I don't have a lawyer.
I don't have a dentist.
206
00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:31,700
I'm... You know, I make
four-hundred dollars a week.
207
00:13:31,735 --> 00:13:33,465
What do you do?
208
00:13:33,500 --> 00:13:36,200
Well, at the moment,
I'm working...
209
00:13:37,300 --> 00:13:38,900
I'm sorry.
I just... I got to...
210
00:13:41,300 --> 00:13:42,400
Hello.
211
00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:45,365
Yeah. What is it?
212
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:46,965
You know, I don't care...
213
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:49,200
if she does twelve books
of herself naked, OK?
214
00:13:49,300 --> 00:13:50,365
It doesn't...
215
00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:52,400
That's Dr. Zaius
from "Planet of the Apes. "
216
00:13:52,435 --> 00:13:53,900
Oh.
217
00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:55,600
I'm sorry. No.
Someone else is in here.
218
00:13:55,635 --> 00:13:57,400
Yeah? Well, let her
say that to me.
219
00:13:58,700 --> 00:14:01,300
-No, don't do that.
-Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
220
00:14:01,335 --> 00:14:03,017
No, no. You can...
That's all right...
221
00:14:03,052 --> 00:14:04,700
I was... Go ahead.
You want to touch it?
222
00:14:04,735 --> 00:14:05,900
It's all right.
Yeah. No, go ahead.
223
00:14:05,935 --> 00:14:07,765
No, I was talking to...
224
00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:11,600
Look, can I talk to you later?
Can we... When? OK. OK.
225
00:14:11,635 --> 00:14:14,800
Um... OK.
226
00:14:14,900 --> 00:14:16,200
Um... uh...
227
00:14:17,500 --> 00:14:20,665
You know what?
Just forget it.
228
00:14:20,700 --> 00:14:22,500
Really, just forget
the whole thing...
229
00:14:22,535 --> 00:14:24,265
because it was probably
my fault anyway.
230
00:14:24,300 --> 00:14:26,800
And I'll get in trouble,
and it just doesn't...
231
00:14:26,835 --> 00:14:28,765
And you seem very sweet.
232
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:30,900
And you seem to like Dr. Zaius.
233
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,400
Oh. Ha ha.
234
00:14:33,700 --> 00:14:35,600
-Oh, no.
-That's...
235
00:14:37,300 --> 00:14:38,465
I'm sorry.
236
00:14:38,500 --> 00:14:41,600
That's... He was just
a collector's... No big...
237
00:14:41,635 --> 00:14:42,965
Well, we can...
238
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:44,665
-You know what?
-No, here's his head.
239
00:14:44,700 --> 00:14:48,400
It's really... you know...
I think he's gone.
240
00:14:48,435 --> 00:14:51,500
I'm, like, ruining
your whole life here.
241
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,765
No, no, you're not. Really.
242
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:56,000
Just don't... Just don't
touch anything else...
243
00:14:56,100 --> 00:14:57,900
and I think we'll be fine.
244
00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:02,500
Michael Grates, vice president
regional programming...
245
00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:04,517
"In Your Face" TV.
We've seen it.
246
00:15:04,552 --> 00:15:06,465
It's like MTV,
but with an edge.
247
00:15:06,500 --> 00:15:08,900
-Yeah. So, is it a date?
-Yeah, yeah.
248
00:15:08,935 --> 00:15:10,800
-Dinner?
-Coffee.
249
00:15:10,900 --> 00:15:13,800
-Coffee or cappuccino?
-He ended up saying decaf.
250
00:15:13,900 --> 00:15:16,800
Oh, no. Early night.
Is there any precoffee activity?
251
00:15:16,900 --> 00:15:18,200
Um... I don't think so.
252
00:15:18,300 --> 00:15:20,800
Did he ask you to go out
or to hang out?
253
00:15:20,900 --> 00:15:22,200
Go out.
He definitely said go out.
254
00:15:22,300 --> 00:15:24,000
Hey.
How are you doing?
255
00:15:24,035 --> 00:15:26,165
-Oh, shit.
-What?
256
00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:28,600
I forgot to tell you something.
257
00:15:28,635 --> 00:15:30,565
Are you out of your mind?
258
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:32,900
Oh, my god. Lainie, he just got
fired from the newsstand.
259
00:15:32,935 --> 00:15:35,200
He needs a place to stay
till he can find a new job...
260
00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:36,700
and get his own place.
261
00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:38,800
Vickie, that's the American
dream of the nineties.
262
00:15:38,835 --> 00:15:40,365
That could take years.
263
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:42,400
Look at it like a built-in
security system.
264
00:15:42,435 --> 00:15:43,765
We'll have a man
around the house.
265
00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:46,300
We'll have a hall monitor.
That's what we'll have.
266
00:15:46,335 --> 00:15:48,800
I don't even know if this is
allowed in the building.
267
00:15:48,835 --> 00:15:51,400
It's not like Mr. Roper's
gonna burst in.
268
00:15:51,435 --> 00:15:53,365
I'll just stay on the couch.
269
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:56,400
Vickie,
he will turn this place...
270
00:15:56,435 --> 00:15:59,200
into a den of slack.
271
00:16:00,300 --> 00:16:01,800
What the hell is your problem?
272
00:16:03,300 --> 00:16:06,300
I have to work around here,
and unfortunately, Troy...
273
00:16:06,335 --> 00:16:09,165
you are a master
at the art of time suckage.
274
00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:11,300
Oh, well, I'm sorry, miss poster
girl for the workers party...
275
00:16:11,335 --> 00:16:13,900
but until I get that toehold
in the burger industry...
276
00:16:13,935 --> 00:16:15,265
I got a little time to suck.
277
00:16:15,300 --> 00:16:18,300
I'd rather check into a shelter
than deal with her shit.
278
00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:21,100
I know how much you
love to mainline in misery here.
279
00:16:21,135 --> 00:16:22,265
But you don't have to.
280
00:16:22,300 --> 00:16:26,300
I can get you a job interview
at my dad's plant.
281
00:16:26,335 --> 00:16:28,200
What is that?
Part of my lease agreement?
282
00:16:28,300 --> 00:16:30,600
It's either that
or a credit check.
283
00:16:30,700 --> 00:16:32,700
It's cool, Troy.
You can stay.
284
00:16:32,735 --> 00:16:34,065
Welcome to the maxi pad.
285
00:16:34,100 --> 00:16:36,065
Yeah,
with the new dry-weave...
286
00:16:36,100 --> 00:16:39,900
it actually pulls moisture
away from you. It's good.
287
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:43,400
You won't even know
I'm here.
288
00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:47,200
Should I get married?
Should I be good?
289
00:16:47,300 --> 00:16:48,700
Should I astound
the girl next door
290
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,750
with my velvet suit
and my Faustus hood?
291
00:16:50,785 --> 00:16:52,665
And not take her to movies
but to cemeteries
292
00:16:52,700 --> 00:16:55,700
and tell her of werewolf tongues
and forked clarinets?
293
00:16:57,200 --> 00:16:58,700
What
"Hey, That's My Bike"...
294
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:01,200
would like to do eventually.
as a band...
295
00:17:01,300 --> 00:17:03,500
is travel the countryside
like Woody Guthrie.
296
00:17:03,535 --> 00:17:05,365
Or Richard Simmons.
297
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:07,200
You know how,
in his commercials...
298
00:17:07,300 --> 00:17:10,000
how he travels around,
surprises people jogging.
299
00:17:10,100 --> 00:17:13,700
As you can see,
I have the occasional run-in...
300
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:17,050
with an anti-
"Hey, That's My Biker. "
301
00:17:17,085 --> 00:17:20,300
And to those people,
I say nobody...
302
00:17:21,300 --> 00:17:24,400
Nobody can eat fifty eggs.
303
00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:26,865
-Lainie?
-Whatie?
304
00:17:26,900 --> 00:17:29,800
The next time you make
microwave brownies...
305
00:17:29,835 --> 00:17:32,700
I'd really consider
using a microwave.
306
00:17:32,735 --> 00:17:35,065
It's just a thought.
307
00:17:35,100 --> 00:17:37,100
You know,
I finally figured out...
308
00:17:37,135 --> 00:17:38,967
what your problem is, Dyer.
309
00:17:39,002 --> 00:17:40,765
What's that?
I'm not a Pepper?
310
00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:43,300
You suffer from the philosopher
groupie syndrome.
311
00:17:43,335 --> 00:17:46,765
You're this guy
with, like, a 180 I.Q...
312
00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:49,300
ten units away from
a degree in philosophy...
313
00:17:49,500 --> 00:17:52,500
and you always fall
for these dumb groupie types.
314
00:17:52,535 --> 00:17:54,265
Now... they are not all dumb.
315
00:17:54,300 --> 00:17:57,265
Most of them
are just very, very depressed.
316
00:17:57,300 --> 00:18:00,300
Do you find me attractive,
sitting here, eating brownies?
317
00:18:00,335 --> 00:18:02,300
You do. You're strangely
attracted to me right now.
318
00:18:02,335 --> 00:18:04,265
You're oddly, oddly
attracted to me.
319
00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:06,300
It turns you on, doesn't it?
You like to watch, don't you?
320
00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:09,300
Come on.
Come on! Aah!
321
00:18:09,335 --> 00:18:10,765
Here. Ha ha ha!
322
00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:13,300
Don't! Come on.
It's not funny. Give it back.
323
00:18:13,335 --> 00:18:14,665
-Give what back?
-Give it back!
324
00:18:14,700 --> 00:18:16,700
Give what back?
Give the brownies back?
325
00:18:16,735 --> 00:18:19,165
-Aah!
-Brownies, brownies.
326
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:21,200
Oh, I love brownies.
My name's Lelaina.
327
00:18:21,235 --> 00:18:22,900
Hey, don't!
Hey, watch the camera.
328
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:25,500
Don't throw it at me.
That's not nice.
329
00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:37,300
Mr. Gubler, do you have time
to take a look...
330
00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:38,800
at what I've done here?
331
00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:40,800
I need my questions.
332
00:18:40,900 --> 00:18:43,300
Oh, well, here's
the research that I did.
333
00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:44,800
You might want to read it...
334
00:18:44,900 --> 00:18:47,500
because this guest has
quite a history in politics.
335
00:18:47,535 --> 00:18:49,400
Just give me my questions.
336
00:18:59,900 --> 00:19:01,500
Excusez-moi.
337
00:19:02,900 --> 00:19:05,400
-You all alone?
-Not anymore.
338
00:19:05,500 --> 00:19:08,000
If I could bottle
the sexual tension...
339
00:19:08,100 --> 00:19:10,900
between Bonnie Franklin
and Schneider...
340
00:19:10,935 --> 00:19:13,800
I could solve
the energy crisis.
341
00:19:13,835 --> 00:19:15,465
Excuse me.
342
00:19:15,500 --> 00:19:19,765
Don't bogart that can... man.
343
00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:22,900
-Are you retarded?
-No. I'm rhyming.
344
00:19:24,100 --> 00:19:27,200
It's not easy.
Sure, I make it look easy.
345
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:31,100
You guys
better not be inhaling.
346
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:32,365
Hi.
347
00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:37,600
Lelaina, Vickie was just
promoted to manager of the Gap.
348
00:19:37,700 --> 00:19:40,200
-Shut up.
-It's not even a big deal.
349
00:19:40,235 --> 00:19:42,617
The old manager
tried to kill herself...
350
00:19:42,652 --> 00:19:44,726
by eating a whole pot
of poinsettias.
351
00:19:44,761 --> 00:19:46,765
Still, I'm so proud of you.
Wait.
352
00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:49,850
I'll be making four-hundred
dollars a week, though.
353
00:19:49,885 --> 00:19:52,900
We're never gonna
have rent problems again.
354
00:19:52,935 --> 00:19:54,865
Troy, aren't you excited?
355
00:19:54,900 --> 00:19:57,700
I'm bursting with fruit flavor.
356
00:19:57,800 --> 00:19:59,700
You guys,
I just thought of something.
357
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:01,900
I'm manager of the Gap.
358
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:05,400
I'm responsible
for all those t-shirts...
359
00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:09,300
French-cut, v-necked, ribbed,
what have you.
360
00:20:09,335 --> 00:20:10,565
Dude, I'm in trouble.
361
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:12,565
No, you're not, Vick.
I know you can do it.
362
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:15,900
I just do not understand
why this moment...
363
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:17,365
has to be Memorexed.
364
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:19,065
Sammy, don't you realize?
365
00:20:19,100 --> 00:20:22,900
This is your one opportunity
to play a small part...
366
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:25,400
in what is destined
to be greatness.
367
00:20:25,500 --> 00:20:28,100
Lainie here
is gonna revolutionize...
368
00:20:28,135 --> 00:20:29,400
"Good Morning, Grant. "
369
00:20:29,500 --> 00:20:32,900
Oh, my god! I'm so sorry!
I had no idea!
370
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,400
Look who's mocking.
All you do around here, Troy...
371
00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:38,800
is eat and couch
and fondle the remote control.
372
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,800
I am not under any orders to
make the world a better place.
373
00:20:41,835 --> 00:20:43,717
Well, then what good are you?
374
00:20:43,752 --> 00:20:45,600
You're a pathological optimist.
375
00:20:45,700 --> 00:20:47,065
You're pathological.
376
00:20:47,100 --> 00:20:50,000
Oh, would you two just do it
and get it over with?
377
00:20:50,035 --> 00:20:51,500
I'm starving.
378
00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:56,965
Oh!
379
00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:59,900
Hello. You've reached
the winter of our discontent.
380
00:21:01,300 --> 00:21:04,000
Uh... hold on.
It's some Michael character.
381
00:21:04,035 --> 00:21:05,500
Oh.
382
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:09,965
-Who's Michael?
-Let's order a pizza.
383
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:13,000
Lelaina, if we promise
to pay you back...
384
00:21:13,035 --> 00:21:14,500
will you spot us a pizza?
385
00:21:14,535 --> 00:21:15,965
Don't have any cash.
386
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:17,500
Dominoes takes checks.
387
00:21:17,535 --> 00:21:18,700
OK, great.
388
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,300
OK. Bye.
389
00:21:21,700 --> 00:21:24,100
The owner of Dominoes
supports Operation Rescue.
390
00:21:24,135 --> 00:21:26,500
Oh, please. No one
gives a shit right now.
391
00:21:26,535 --> 00:21:28,567
We're starving.
392
00:21:28,602 --> 00:21:30,600
Oh, wait. Wait.
393
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:36,400
-Ta-da!
-We're going to eat gas.
394
00:21:39,900 --> 00:21:41,465
Ah!
395
00:21:41,500 --> 00:21:43,500
Who's this Michael guy?
396
00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:44,665
Um...
397
00:21:44,700 --> 00:21:47,000
Hey. Vickie just figured
something out.
398
00:21:47,100 --> 00:21:49,000
-What?
-Something wonderful.
399
00:21:49,100 --> 00:21:53,500
Ha ha ha! Evian is naive
spelled backwards.
400
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:56,300
Uh! Could you
turn this up, please?
401
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:59,000
Please?
You won't be sorry.
402
00:22:00,100 --> 00:22:01,500
Thank you.
403
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:05,600
RADIO:... When you gonna give me
some time, Sharona?
404
00:22:05,635 --> 00:22:09,117
Ooh, you make my motor run,
my motor run
405
00:22:09,152 --> 00:22:12,565
Gun it comin' off
of the line, Sharona
406
00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:15,900
Never gonna stop, give it up,
such a dirty mind
407
00:22:15,935 --> 00:22:19,200
Always get it up for the touch
of the younger kind
408
00:22:19,300 --> 00:22:22,100
My, my, my, i, yi, woo!
409
00:22:22,135 --> 00:22:23,700
Hey!
410
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:25,500
M-m-my Sharona.
411
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:31,800
Come a little closer, huh?
Ah, will ya, huh?
412
00:22:31,835 --> 00:22:35,000
Close enough to look
in my eyes, Sharona
413
00:22:35,035 --> 00:22:38,565
Keeping it a mystery,
it gets to me
414
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:42,000
Running down the length
of my thighs, Sharona...
415
00:22:42,500 --> 00:22:45,800
Good times,
any time you need them, baby
416
00:22:45,835 --> 00:22:49,065
Good times,
ain't no time to be afraid
417
00:22:49,100 --> 00:22:51,100
Thelma's husband Keith has got
vodka hidden in the toilet.
418
00:22:51,135 --> 00:22:53,400
Vodka in the toilet.
That's a good one.
419
00:22:53,500 --> 00:22:55,050
Um... boom boom.
420
00:22:55,085 --> 00:22:56,565
James Dice.
421
00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:58,100
That's a two-parter, man.
You can't do that.
422
00:22:58,135 --> 00:23:00,065
J.J. works in the chicken shop.
423
00:23:00,100 --> 00:23:02,100
He works in a chicken shop.
We did that.
424
00:23:02,135 --> 00:23:04,100
It's the same one
when he has that cape on.
425
00:23:04,135 --> 00:23:05,565
Drink up, man.
426
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:08,100
You hate to see that
happen to the rookie.
427
00:23:08,135 --> 00:23:09,600
Um... Alderman Davis
judges a...
428
00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:13,000
Oh, my god.
429
00:23:13,035 --> 00:23:14,400
Hi.
430
00:23:14,500 --> 00:23:16,900
Are you a collection agent?
431
00:23:16,935 --> 00:23:18,965
Lelaina!
432
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:22,900
Oh! Yeah, I'll be right there.
433
00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:28,165
Oh.
434
00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:31,000
If you ain't
the most hardheaded woman...
435
00:23:31,035 --> 00:23:32,400
Great!
436
00:23:32,500 --> 00:23:33,900
Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up.
Oh, it's me!
437
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:35,400
Willona dates a deaf guy.
438
00:23:35,500 --> 00:23:36,865
-Good one.
-Willona dates a deaf guy.
439
00:23:36,900 --> 00:23:39,450
How about the one
when Gary Coleman comes on...
440
00:23:39,485 --> 00:23:42,000
and he's like the little...
like, guy doing that...
441
00:23:43,100 --> 00:23:45,300
-Yeah, we did that one.
-He was cute, though.
442
00:23:45,335 --> 00:23:47,600
-J.J.'s prom date.
-Gotta go. Gotta go.
443
00:23:47,635 --> 00:23:49,165
-Hey. Hi. Hello. Hi.
-Hi.
444
00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:53,500
Um... everybody, this is Michael.
This is...
445
00:23:54,500 --> 00:23:57,000
Prom date. Prom date. Go.
446
00:23:57,100 --> 00:23:58,500
You know, we should...
We should... Yeah.
447
00:23:58,600 --> 00:23:59,700
So, I'm gonna go.
448
00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:00,765
Bye.
449
00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:02,265
Michael throws a party.
Sammy, let's go.
450
00:24:02,300 --> 00:24:05,900
Lelaina, you know the punishment
for premature evacuation.
451
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:12,600
Penny! Willona adopts Penny!
Shit!
452
00:24:14,500 --> 00:24:16,800
I'm making
this documentary...
453
00:24:16,900 --> 00:24:18,600
about my friends,
but it's really about...
454
00:24:18,700 --> 00:24:21,265
people who are trying to find
their own identity...
455
00:24:21,300 --> 00:24:24,900
without having any real role
models or heroes or anything.
456
00:24:24,935 --> 00:24:28,465
Wow. That...
That sounds great.
457
00:24:28,500 --> 00:24:31,000
It seems like your friends
would be perfect for that.
458
00:24:31,035 --> 00:24:32,767
Like, um...
Like that guy Troy...
459
00:24:32,802 --> 00:24:34,500
-Troy, yeah.
-You all done here, sir?
460
00:24:34,535 --> 00:24:35,965
Uh, yeah. yeah.
461
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:37,500
You don't want to finish that?
Because I can...
462
00:24:37,535 --> 00:24:40,000
No, no, no. I'm fine.
I had a late...
463
00:24:40,035 --> 00:24:41,965
So, Troy is...
You guys just...
464
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:44,500
It's like you guys living there,
just the two of you?
465
00:24:44,535 --> 00:24:46,165
No, no, no, no, no.
466
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:49,650
It's me and Vickie,
but he got fired from his job...
467
00:24:49,685 --> 00:24:53,100
and so he needed a place
to crash for a couple weeks.
468
00:24:53,135 --> 00:24:56,900
They caught him
stealing a Snickers.
469
00:24:56,935 --> 00:25:00,100
He stole a Snickers bar?
470
00:25:00,135 --> 00:25:02,000
Yeah. Ha ha ha!
471
00:25:02,100 --> 00:25:04,500
Somehow he can rationalize it...
472
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:09,500
like the establishment
owes him a Snickers.
473
00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:10,900
Right, right.
474
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:13,600
Well, I mean...
I guess... you know...
475
00:25:20,100 --> 00:25:22,300
You know, you're very beautiful.
476
00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:26,500
I mean... I mean, um...
477
00:25:26,535 --> 00:25:28,600
Seriously, you're...
478
00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:37,000
I'm, uh... I'm, uh... not really
good with compliments.
479
00:25:38,100 --> 00:25:39,600
Um... but, uh...
480
00:25:39,700 --> 00:25:43,100
Um... Ha ha!
Are you religious?
481
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:48,265
Um... Ha ha ha!
482
00:25:48,300 --> 00:25:50,965
Ha ha ha!
I'm sorry.
483
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:55,200
I guess I'm...
I guess I'm, uh...
484
00:25:55,235 --> 00:25:57,200
a non-practicing Jew.
485
00:25:57,300 --> 00:25:59,600
Hey, I'm
a non-practicing virgin.
486
00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:06,565
Who's this again?
487
00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:08,100
Frampton.
Peter Frampton.
488
00:26:08,135 --> 00:26:09,565
Frampton...
489
00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:11,100
I can't believe you
don't remember...
490
00:26:11,135 --> 00:26:12,565
"Frampton Comes Alive. "
491
00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:15,565
That album, like,
totally changed my life.
492
00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:21,400
The most profound, important
invention of my lifetime...
493
00:26:21,500 --> 00:26:23,400
the Big Gulp.
494
00:26:23,500 --> 00:26:25,400
And because, see...
No, listen.
495
00:26:25,435 --> 00:26:26,865
You get one in the morning.
496
00:26:26,900 --> 00:26:29,700
I'm talking forty-four ouncer,
not this thirty-two wimpy...
497
00:26:29,735 --> 00:26:32,717
-Wait a minute. Forty four?
-Yeah. Forty-four ounce.
498
00:26:32,752 --> 00:26:35,426
How can you ingest
forty-four ounces of anything?
499
00:26:35,461 --> 00:26:38,100
How can you ingest
forty-four ounces of anything?
500
00:26:38,135 --> 00:26:39,565
You get one.
501
00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:42,100
You have your essential vitamins
and nutrients...
502
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:43,600
for the entire day.
503
00:26:43,700 --> 00:26:46,600
Oh, yeah. Definitely.
I'm sure you're totally covered.
504
00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:48,600
-You do.
-Well...
505
00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:52,100
I guess it really doesn't
take much to make me happy.
506
00:26:52,300 --> 00:26:55,100
Hey, I'm not
materialistic, either.
507
00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:58,600
I mean, I think I'd be working
even if I wasn't getting paid.
508
00:26:58,700 --> 00:27:02,100
And I don't, like, want to get,
you know... a big house.
509
00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:05,100
I just want, like,
a nice house.
510
00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:08,100
I'm not into cars and stuff.
511
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:10,665
I mean, I like my car.
512
00:27:10,700 --> 00:27:13,700
You're probably not
really not into, like...
513
00:27:13,735 --> 00:27:16,700
expensive, snazzy
Italian suits, either.
514
00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:18,800
-Oh, come on.
-I'm just kidding.
515
00:27:18,835 --> 00:27:20,517
-No, no, no.
-I'm just kidding.
516
00:27:20,552 --> 00:27:22,376
Wait a minute.
I'm not like that.
517
00:27:22,411 --> 00:27:24,200
I'm really not.
I mean... I mean...
518
00:27:24,235 --> 00:27:27,165
I'm... I'm... I mean...
519
00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:29,500
I know why the caged bird
sings and everything.
520
00:27:29,535 --> 00:27:31,265
Oh, yeah? Why?
521
00:27:31,300 --> 00:27:34,500
Because he was... in a cage,
and he was...
522
00:27:34,535 --> 00:27:37,700
I don't know.
He had high hopes or something.
523
00:27:37,735 --> 00:27:39,517
OK, I dropped out of school...
524
00:27:39,552 --> 00:27:41,126
before we got to that,
all right?
525
00:27:41,161 --> 00:27:42,665
I should have stayed
in college...
526
00:27:42,700 --> 00:27:44,700
and got a degree
in astronomy or something.
527
00:27:44,735 --> 00:27:46,517
-Oh, god, I love astronomy.
-Really?
528
00:27:46,552 --> 00:27:48,265
Yeah. I just...
The math, though.
529
00:27:48,300 --> 00:27:50,700
It was the math that just,
like... got me every time.
530
00:27:50,735 --> 00:27:52,700
I loved astronomy, too,
and I got into class...
531
00:27:52,735 --> 00:27:54,265
and it was like...
it was like...
532
00:27:54,300 --> 00:27:59,700
everything was three-squared
times pi equals the root of pi.
533
00:27:59,735 --> 00:28:02,300
Yeah. And I just wanted
to look at the stars.
534
00:28:02,335 --> 00:28:05,200
-It was so...
-Same here exactly.
535
00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:09,200
I remember being so happy
on the roof of our old house...
536
00:28:09,235 --> 00:28:11,300
just staring up at the stars.
537
00:28:11,335 --> 00:28:12,765
Mmm...
538
00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:16,300
I want to do that again.
I want to just...
539
00:28:16,335 --> 00:28:19,800
look up at the stars
and take the time to...
540
00:28:19,835 --> 00:28:22,800
smell the...
541
00:28:22,900 --> 00:28:24,200
everything.
542
00:28:26,900 --> 00:28:30,200
Because it's like... do you ever
have those moments in life...
543
00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:33,200
where everything is OK?
Do you know what I mean?
544
00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:35,800
Just for, like, one moment,
everything is great.
545
00:28:35,900 --> 00:28:39,800
Not since I graduated, no.
But yeah... yeah.
546
00:28:39,835 --> 00:28:43,700
When you, like, catch yourself
in a moment...
547
00:28:43,900 --> 00:28:46,700
and you're saying, wait,
I'm happy here in the moment.
548
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:49,300
Right. And then it
just goes away really quickly.
549
00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:51,700
-Gone.
-It just... It's...
550
00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:53,800
I know I've had
a couple of those, you know.
551
00:28:53,835 --> 00:28:55,800
I always forget them,
but I know I've had them.
552
00:28:55,835 --> 00:28:57,400
Oh, me, too.
553
00:29:01,700 --> 00:29:04,200
Like right now... is one.
554
00:29:07,100 --> 00:29:09,100
Yeah... like now.
555
00:29:12,900 --> 00:29:14,900
SINGING:
Clouds are stalking
556
00:29:14,935 --> 00:29:17,400
Islands in the sun
557
00:29:18,900 --> 00:29:21,900
Wish I could dry one
558
00:29:22,900 --> 00:29:24,600
Out of season
559
00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:27,900
But don't
560
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:31,100
Hesitate
561
00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:35,100
'Cause your love
562
00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:38,750
Won't wait
563
00:29:38,785 --> 00:29:41,065
Hey, hey, hey
564
00:29:41,100 --> 00:29:44,400
Ooh, baby, I love your way
565
00:29:44,435 --> 00:29:45,900
Every day
566
00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:50,900
Want to tell you I love your way
567
00:29:50,935 --> 00:29:52,900
Ooh, ooh, ooh
568
00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:58,400
TROY, Ooh, baby,
I love your way
569
00:29:58,435 --> 00:29:59,865
Every day
570
00:29:59,900 --> 00:30:01,700
I want to be with you
night and day
571
00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:02,900
Shh!
572
00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:04,900
So, you've been up all night?
573
00:30:06,500 --> 00:30:11,200
I am picking up some
very strange vibes in here.
574
00:30:11,235 --> 00:30:15,900
They're of the...
"I just got laid" variety.
575
00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:17,700
Did he dazzle you...
576
00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:20,600
with his extensive knowledge
of mineral water?
577
00:30:20,700 --> 00:30:24,700
Or was it his in-depth analysis
of Markie Mark...
578
00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:26,565
that finally reeled you in?
579
00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:29,300
I just would have liked
to have been there...
580
00:30:29,335 --> 00:30:31,265
to watch
how you rationalized...
581
00:30:31,300 --> 00:30:34,000
sleeping with a yuppy-head
cheeseball on the first date.
582
00:30:34,035 --> 00:30:35,365
He's not a yuppy.
583
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:37,900
He's the reason
why Cliff Notes were invented.
584
00:30:39,300 --> 00:30:41,265
Well, that pales
in comparison...
585
00:30:41,300 --> 00:30:43,600
to the tweaked-out
little skanks you date.
586
00:30:44,700 --> 00:30:46,065
To hell with it.
What do I care?
587
00:30:46,100 --> 00:30:48,500
What do you care?
And why are you acting...
588
00:30:48,700 --> 00:30:50,900
like a jealous boyfriend
all of a sudden?
589
00:30:50,935 --> 00:30:54,300
I am not acting like anything.
590
00:30:54,335 --> 00:30:56,900
I am calmly reading.
591
00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:01,265
God. If something's
bothering you that much...
592
00:31:01,300 --> 00:31:03,600
I wish you could just be man
enough to talk to me about it.
593
00:31:05,300 --> 00:31:07,100
All right, Lelaina.
594
00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:22,200
I am really in love with you.
595
00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:31,300
Is that what you want to hear?
Is it?
596
00:31:31,335 --> 00:31:34,700
Well, don't flatter yourself.
597
00:31:38,300 --> 00:31:39,900
Go to hell.
598
00:31:52,900 --> 00:31:55,265
Since I've been
manager here...
599
00:31:55,300 --> 00:31:59,800
our gross has increased
over twenty percent.
600
00:31:59,835 --> 00:32:02,400
So...
What?
601
00:32:02,435 --> 00:32:05,365
OK. OK. Um...
602
00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:06,800
I guess I'm proud of that.
603
00:32:06,900 --> 00:32:09,465
Oh, please.
Look at this sweater.
604
00:32:09,500 --> 00:32:12,200
People don't know.
They don't know what it takes.
605
00:32:12,235 --> 00:32:14,565
I've never been
a good example before...
606
00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:18,300
and, um... I've never been good
with responsibility.
607
00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:21,000
So, uh...
I blame my parents, though.
608
00:32:21,100 --> 00:32:23,900
I think I was conceived
on an acid trip.
609
00:32:25,300 --> 00:32:29,865
My parents got divorced
when I was 5 years old.
610
00:32:29,900 --> 00:32:33,400
And I saw my father about
three times a year after that.
611
00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:37,400
And when he found out
that he had cancer...
612
00:32:37,435 --> 00:32:39,365
he decided to bring me here...
613
00:32:39,400 --> 00:32:41,900
and he gives me
this big pink sea shell...
614
00:32:41,935 --> 00:32:43,365
and he says to me...
615
00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:46,400
"Son, the answers are all
inside of this. "
616
00:32:46,435 --> 00:32:48,000
And I'm all, like, "What?"
617
00:32:48,100 --> 00:32:50,400
But then I realized
that the shell was empty.
618
00:32:50,435 --> 00:32:51,900
There's no point
to any of this.
619
00:32:51,935 --> 00:32:53,400
It's all just a...
620
00:32:54,600 --> 00:32:56,900
A random lottery
of meaningless tragedy...
621
00:32:56,935 --> 00:32:59,300
and a series
of near escapes.
622
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:04,900
So I take pleasure
in the details, you know.
623
00:33:04,935 --> 00:33:08,200
A Quarter-Pounder with cheese.
624
00:33:08,300 --> 00:33:10,365
Those are good.
625
00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:16,200
The sky about... ten minutes
before it starts to rain.
626
00:33:16,300 --> 00:33:19,800
The moment where your laughter
becomes a cackle.
627
00:33:21,300 --> 00:33:26,400
And I sit back, and I...
I smoke my Camel straights.
628
00:33:28,500 --> 00:33:31,165
And I ride my own melt.
629
00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:33,400
Come on. Come on.
No lagging.
630
00:33:33,500 --> 00:33:35,400
The free clinic A.I.D.S. test.
631
00:33:35,500 --> 00:33:38,100
The rite of passage
for our generation.
632
00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:40,400
We're so lucky.
Come on.
633
00:33:40,500 --> 00:33:44,900
So, Vick, why are you
getting tested?
634
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:47,300
One of my friends
tested positive.
635
00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:52,000
To be on the safe side...
you know.
636
00:33:57,000 --> 00:33:58,500
Vickie Miner.
637
00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:05,300
WOMAN, LOUDER:
Vickie Miner.
638
00:34:09,700 --> 00:34:11,265
You can forget it.
639
00:34:11,300 --> 00:34:13,500
Come on, Grant.
That... It's incredible.
640
00:34:13,535 --> 00:34:15,765
It's junk.
Depressing junk.
641
00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:17,600
You know my rules
for the "Video View"...
642
00:34:17,700 --> 00:34:19,100
light and perky.
643
00:34:19,200 --> 00:34:23,500
Look, Lelaina, maybe I should
talk to Grant alone about this.
644
00:34:26,500 --> 00:34:28,500
Look, she's got real talent...
645
00:34:28,535 --> 00:34:30,465
and I want to put her on staff.
646
00:34:30,500 --> 00:34:32,500
I will not have
Miss Pierce on staff.
647
00:34:32,535 --> 00:34:34,500
I will walk out of here
if that happens.
648
00:34:34,535 --> 00:34:35,965
You watch.
649
00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:38,700
OK, calm down.
It's no big deal.
650
00:34:38,735 --> 00:34:40,465
We don't have to have her.
651
00:34:40,500 --> 00:34:41,965
Besides,
having to look...
652
00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:44,000
at that girl's pointy
little face all day...
653
00:34:44,035 --> 00:34:45,517
it would make me ill.
654
00:34:45,552 --> 00:34:46,965
Just get rid of her...
655
00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:49,300
like I asked you to do
in the first place.
656
00:34:56,700 --> 00:34:58,200
...I'll get there.
657
00:34:58,300 --> 00:35:01,000
If I don't know where to go,
I'll get there.
658
00:35:01,035 --> 00:35:02,700
If I don't know...
659
00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:09,500
Ten seconds...
660
00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:12,000
nine, eight, seven...
661
00:35:12,100 --> 00:35:15,500
six, five, four...
662
00:35:25,100 --> 00:35:27,265
Is this a good morning or what?
663
00:35:27,300 --> 00:35:31,665
Ha ha ha! Well, with us today
is Libby Kumbaugh...
664
00:35:31,700 --> 00:35:35,500
the author of this book...
"Mommy, Why Do I Hate Myself?
665
00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:38,200
"Self-Esteem
for Parent and Child. "
666
00:35:38,300 --> 00:35:40,800
-Good morning, Libby.
-Good morning, Grant.
667
00:35:40,900 --> 00:35:46,100
Good morning! Now, Libby...
I'm concerned with self-esteem.
668
00:35:46,135 --> 00:35:48,200
Personally, I've always had
an odd preference...
669
00:35:48,235 --> 00:35:50,600
for very, very young girls.
670
00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:54,700
I...
671
00:35:57,200 --> 00:36:00,200
Being a total prick...
672
00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:06,300
...Iy pear, I...
673
00:36:06,400 --> 00:36:09,800
Why don't we welcome
this audience again, huh?
674
00:36:09,900 --> 00:36:10,900
Good morning!
675
00:36:13,500 --> 00:36:16,065
I make more of a mess
than Ruby does.
676
00:36:16,100 --> 00:36:18,100
Hi. You guys, we have to have
a family meeting.
677
00:36:18,135 --> 00:36:19,400
Something's happened.
678
00:36:19,500 --> 00:36:21,300
Oh, no! They've discovered
Nutrasweet causes you...
679
00:36:21,335 --> 00:36:22,565
to grow a third eye.
680
00:36:22,600 --> 00:36:24,100
Let me just say that
everything's gonna be fine.
681
00:36:24,135 --> 00:36:25,617
Yeah,
it's not a big deal.
682
00:36:25,652 --> 00:36:27,126
She'll just wear
a patch over it.
683
00:36:27,161 --> 00:36:28,565
I'm working out a plan.
684
00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:30,100
Yeah, there's
a surgeon in Paris.
685
00:36:30,135 --> 00:36:31,565
He'll just remove it
for free.
686
00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:34,050
-Just don't panic.
-It's not contagious.
687
00:36:34,085 --> 00:36:36,500
Would you shut up?
I just got fired.
688
00:36:37,500 --> 00:36:38,400
Yeah.
689
00:36:38,500 --> 00:36:40,600
Oh, my god.
What happened?
690
00:36:40,635 --> 00:36:43,100
You got fired?
691
00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:46,100
I mean, that just screws up
my whole idea of good and evil.
692
00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:49,400
It's not like I had
a hysterectomy or anything.
693
00:36:49,435 --> 00:36:52,600
I just... I got fired. I'll find
something else, you know.
694
00:36:52,700 --> 00:36:54,600
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
695
00:36:54,700 --> 00:36:56,465
You're hired.
696
00:36:56,500 --> 00:36:58,500
I need a part-timer.
You need a job.
697
00:36:58,535 --> 00:36:59,600
That would be so cool.
698
00:36:59,700 --> 00:37:01,600
It's only, like, five dollars
an hour. No big deal.
699
00:37:01,700 --> 00:37:03,100
But it's a pretty good
opportunity.
700
00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:04,600
Yeah,
it's a dream come true.
701
00:37:04,700 --> 00:37:06,100
It is.
702
00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:08,600
You know, Vick,
I said I'm working out a plan.
703
00:37:08,700 --> 00:37:10,100
Yeah.
So, what's the plan?
704
00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:13,100
I'm not gonna work
at the Gap, for Christ's sake.
705
00:37:13,200 --> 00:37:14,700
OK?
706
00:37:15,700 --> 00:37:19,600
-No. I mean...
-Oh, no. I'm so sorry.
707
00:37:19,700 --> 00:37:23,500
Oh, how stupid of me to try
to drag you down to my level.
708
00:37:23,535 --> 00:37:27,200
-Vickie, you don't do this, OK?
-Shut up.
709
00:37:27,235 --> 00:37:29,567
Come on.
This is just...
710
00:37:29,602 --> 00:37:31,900
You know I didn't mean it.
Vickie.
711
00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:57,200
You see, this is
where Troy was fired...
712
00:37:57,235 --> 00:37:58,665
from his eleventh job.
713
00:37:58,700 --> 00:38:01,200
He was an illustrious
office cleaner.
714
00:38:02,200 --> 00:38:03,665
Now if you'll come
this way, please...
715
00:38:03,700 --> 00:38:06,100
we will continue our short
but happy walking tour...
716
00:38:06,135 --> 00:38:08,100
of the career
of Troy Dyer.
717
00:38:08,300 --> 00:38:11,665
And here we have
the newsstand...
718
00:38:11,700 --> 00:38:14,700
where Troy dared
to ask the question...
719
00:38:14,735 --> 00:38:16,700
Are employee snacks subsidized?
720
00:38:18,100 --> 00:38:20,400
The answer... tragically, no.
721
00:38:20,435 --> 00:38:22,665
In total, he has been fired...
722
00:38:22,700 --> 00:38:25,200
from... yes, count them...
twelve jobs.
723
00:38:25,300 --> 00:38:26,700
Twelve? Ouch.
724
00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:29,200
So you shouldn't feel so bad.
725
00:38:29,300 --> 00:38:32,200
One of these mornings, I'm going
to wake up before noon and...
726
00:38:32,300 --> 00:38:34,200
Ha ha. Yeah, right.
727
00:38:34,300 --> 00:38:37,200
And I'm gonna turn on the TV...
728
00:38:37,300 --> 00:38:39,200
and there Bryant Gumbel
will be, and he'll say...
729
00:38:39,300 --> 00:38:41,365
"Today we have with us...
730
00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:45,300
"the Pulitzer Prize winning
documentarian Lelaina Pierce.
731
00:38:45,335 --> 00:38:49,200
"Lelaina, after your first film,
Why Barbie Is Bad... "
732
00:38:50,700 --> 00:38:53,100
"You seem to have forgotten
all about...
733
00:38:53,300 --> 00:38:54,900
"your best friend, Troy Dyer. "
734
00:38:54,935 --> 00:38:56,865
Troy who?
735
00:38:56,900 --> 00:38:58,400
What was that name again?
736
00:38:58,500 --> 00:39:01,100
Oh, right through the heart.
737
00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:03,800
I'll probably be working
at the Whole Foods...
738
00:39:03,835 --> 00:39:04,765
playing warehouses...
739
00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:06,700
hanging around places
like the Radio Shack...
740
00:39:06,800 --> 00:39:08,400
screaming that
I used to know you...
741
00:39:08,435 --> 00:39:10,217
and you'll be there
in the lights...
742
00:39:10,252 --> 00:39:12,000
and you'll be all beautiful
and shit.
743
00:39:12,100 --> 00:39:15,300
Oh, Troy. No, no, no.
That'll never happen.
744
00:39:15,335 --> 00:39:18,300
They would never hire you
at Whole Foods.
745
00:39:20,300 --> 00:39:23,450
You see, Lainie,
this is all we need...
746
00:39:23,485 --> 00:39:26,600
a couple of smokes,
a cup of coffee...
747
00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:30,400
And a little bit
of conversation.
748
00:39:30,500 --> 00:39:32,800
You and me and five bucks.
749
00:39:32,835 --> 00:39:34,300
You got it.
750
00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:38,300
-You know what?
-Hmm?
751
00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:47,100
-No, no, no.
-What?
752
00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:48,465
Troy, I can't. I can't.
753
00:39:48,500 --> 00:39:50,400
Why not?
You never thought about it?
754
00:39:50,500 --> 00:39:52,800
Well, yes, of course
I have, but I...
755
00:39:52,835 --> 00:39:53,965
But what?
756
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:55,765
I can't not be friends
with you, OK?
757
00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:57,800
I don't want that. That's not
what I'm talking about.
758
00:39:57,835 --> 00:40:01,800
I'm talking about a...
you know, evolving.
759
00:40:01,835 --> 00:40:03,300
I just can't handle
this right now.
760
00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:05,800
I can't evolve right now.
761
00:40:05,900 --> 00:40:08,300
Why not?
Because of Michael?
762
00:40:08,400 --> 00:40:09,800
No.
763
00:40:11,500 --> 00:40:14,400
Yeah. Yes. Yes.
764
00:40:26,200 --> 00:40:28,800
My parents got divorced
when I was fourteen.
765
00:40:28,900 --> 00:40:30,965
My dad... the dog...
766
00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:34,300
he remarried six months
after the divorce.
767
00:40:34,400 --> 00:40:36,800
Wow. That's quick.
How did everybody react?
768
00:40:36,900 --> 00:40:41,700
Um... my mom threatened
to kill herself in front of me.
769
00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:43,765
Patty got drunk in her closet...
770
00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:45,800
every morning
before junior high school.
771
00:40:45,835 --> 00:40:47,500
And you?
772
00:40:47,600 --> 00:40:50,365
Well, um...
773
00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:54,000
Somebody had to remember
to take out the trash...
774
00:40:54,035 --> 00:40:57,467
sign the report cards,
buy the milk.
775
00:40:57,502 --> 00:41:00,900
So, um... that kind of ended up
being me.
776
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:02,400
I don't want to get married...
777
00:41:02,500 --> 00:41:04,365
because I see
how my parents are.
778
00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:07,865
And they've been together,
like, 26 years...
779
00:41:07,900 --> 00:41:10,600
and they're like brother
and sister at this point.
780
00:41:10,635 --> 00:41:13,300
My mother goes to the bathroom
with the door open.
781
00:41:13,335 --> 00:41:14,865
That's "A."
782
00:41:14,900 --> 00:41:16,700
And "B"...
It's disgusting.
783
00:41:16,735 --> 00:41:18,465
I don't want any part of that.
784
00:41:18,500 --> 00:41:20,900
I want first kisses.
I want passion...
785
00:41:20,935 --> 00:41:22,765
the whole way through.
786
00:41:22,800 --> 00:41:27,200
It's better than having to kiss
your husband's ass all the time.
787
00:41:27,300 --> 00:41:28,765
Yeah.
788
00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:30,865
I think that your documentary...
789
00:41:30,900 --> 00:41:32,700
would be perfect
for "In Your Face. "
790
00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:35,765
-See? Forget it.
-No.
791
00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:37,800
You're probably thinking more
like, you know...
792
00:41:37,835 --> 00:41:39,365
P B.S. or something.
793
00:41:39,400 --> 00:41:41,800
No. No. You know
what it is, though?
794
00:41:41,835 --> 00:41:44,500
It's that I.. Boy.
795
00:41:44,600 --> 00:41:46,400
OK, when I made this thing...
796
00:41:46,500 --> 00:41:48,900
I kind of made
this promise to myself...
797
00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:50,300
that I wasn't going
to think about...
798
00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:53,700
where it was gonna end up
because I didn't want to...
799
00:41:53,800 --> 00:41:56,300
unintentionally
commercialize it.
800
00:41:56,400 --> 00:41:57,900
No,
I think that's great.
801
00:41:58,000 --> 00:41:59,900
I mean, I think
you should definitely...
802
00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:01,300
not unintentionally
do anything...
803
00:42:01,400 --> 00:42:02,900
that you're
not comfortable with.
804
00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:04,900
I mean, not that I would
intentionally...
805
00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:06,800
Well, plus
it's not done yet, you know.
806
00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:09,300
Right. I know. I know.
It was just a stupid...
807
00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:11,800
You know... I got to go
to New York on Wednesday...
808
00:42:11,900 --> 00:42:14,800
for this huge
network meeting thing...
809
00:42:14,900 --> 00:42:17,900
which is totally...
God, you would hate it.
810
00:42:17,935 --> 00:42:20,465
I hate it. I just...
I just thought...
811
00:42:20,500 --> 00:42:22,465
that they would freak out
over your tapes...
812
00:42:22,500 --> 00:42:24,900
because they never see anything
that's really smart...
813
00:42:24,935 --> 00:42:29,500
and has real...
you know, quality and is...
814
00:42:29,535 --> 00:42:31,365
good, like you and your work...
815
00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:35,400
and I know
I'm being selfish and...
816
00:42:35,435 --> 00:42:38,365
Michael, um...
817
00:42:38,400 --> 00:42:41,865
That is literally, literally...
818
00:42:41,900 --> 00:42:46,150
the nicest thing
that anyone's ever said to me...
819
00:42:46,185 --> 00:42:50,400
the sweetest thing that anyone's
ever said to me.
820
00:42:57,400 --> 00:43:00,900
So, what are you doing
for the rest of your morning?
821
00:43:00,935 --> 00:43:02,900
What am...
Oh, what am I doing?
822
00:43:02,935 --> 00:43:04,865
What am I doing?
823
00:43:04,900 --> 00:43:07,150
Ooh. Well, I have
a job interview.
824
00:43:07,185 --> 00:43:09,400
Lelaina, this thing
is from 1988.
825
00:43:09,435 --> 00:43:11,365
I know. Ha ha ha!
826
00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:14,800
So you're, like...
six years late.
827
00:43:22,300 --> 00:43:24,800
I thought the ad said
that this was a job...
828
00:43:24,835 --> 00:43:26,665
for a production assistant.
829
00:43:26,700 --> 00:43:30,400
Yes. You will be
assisting me...
830
00:43:30,500 --> 00:43:34,400
in the production
of videotapes, all right?
831
00:43:34,500 --> 00:43:39,300
You're going to make
copies for me... many copies.
832
00:43:39,335 --> 00:43:44,100
Oh, is this like a...
like a pirate operation?
833
00:43:44,135 --> 00:43:47,100
Do I look like a pirate to you?
834
00:43:49,500 --> 00:43:51,900
Now, radio
is all instinct, Lelaina.
835
00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:54,400
Do you know where
all the radio comes from?
836
00:43:54,435 --> 00:43:56,700
The gut.
It's all in the gut.
837
00:43:56,800 --> 00:43:58,800
Because when you think
on your feet...
838
00:43:58,835 --> 00:44:00,265
got to go from your gut.
839
00:44:00,300 --> 00:44:03,300
And my gut is telling me
that, uh...
840
00:44:03,335 --> 00:44:04,765
this isn't gonna work out.
841
00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:07,900
Maybe your gut's just saying
you're hungry or...
842
00:44:07,935 --> 00:44:11,000
Oh, no, no, no, no.
It's telling me that, uh...
843
00:44:11,100 --> 00:44:13,400
you're overqualified
for this job.
844
00:44:13,435 --> 00:44:16,700
I'm really not that smart.
845
00:44:18,500 --> 00:44:20,700
No offense, sweetie,
but you don't have...
846
00:44:20,735 --> 00:44:22,865
any experience on a newspaper.
You're TV.
847
00:44:22,900 --> 00:44:26,300
Well, I'm trying to make my
transition to print journalism.
848
00:44:26,335 --> 00:44:27,765
Ah. Why?
849
00:44:27,800 --> 00:44:29,800
Well, newspapers are
the last watchdogs...
850
00:44:29,835 --> 00:44:31,265
of our... our government.
851
00:44:31,300 --> 00:44:33,100
They enforce
the checks and balances.
852
00:44:33,135 --> 00:44:34,900
And one half-hour of TV
only adds up to...
853
00:44:34,935 --> 00:44:36,700
OK. All right.
854
00:44:36,735 --> 00:44:39,100
Define irony.
855
00:44:39,300 --> 00:44:41,400
Irony. Uh...
856
00:44:41,435 --> 00:44:42,865
Irony.
857
00:44:42,900 --> 00:44:44,365
It's a noun.
858
00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:47,300
It's when something is...
859
00:44:47,400 --> 00:44:48,865
ironic. It's, uh...
860
00:44:48,900 --> 00:44:52,200
Well, I can't really
define irony...
861
00:44:52,235 --> 00:44:53,900
but I know it
when I see it!
862
00:45:16,400 --> 00:45:18,565
Hey. Hey.
863
00:45:18,600 --> 00:45:20,900
Oh, my god.
I've never been so glad...
864
00:45:21,000 --> 00:45:22,900
to see anyone
in my entire life.
865
00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:24,900
This day has been
the biggest nightmare.
866
00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:26,900
I mean, these
job interviews, Troy...
867
00:45:27,000 --> 00:45:29,900
the word vivisection,
a staggering understatement.
868
00:45:30,000 --> 00:45:32,165
Can you define irony?
869
00:45:32,200 --> 00:45:34,500
It's when the actual meaning
is the complete opposite...
870
00:45:34,535 --> 00:45:36,200
from the literal meaning.
871
00:45:36,235 --> 00:45:39,800
Yeah. My god.
872
00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:44,000
Where were you
when I needed you today?
873
00:45:44,100 --> 00:45:45,965
I... I should go.
874
00:45:46,000 --> 00:45:49,500
Oh, come on. Isn't there
some statute of limitations...
875
00:45:49,535 --> 00:45:51,600
for embarrassing incidents?
876
00:45:54,100 --> 00:45:56,300
Your bravado was embarrassing.
877
00:45:59,700 --> 00:46:02,565
Hey, Troy, come on.
878
00:46:02,600 --> 00:46:04,900
You can stay with me
for one cigarette.
879
00:46:05,000 --> 00:46:08,100
I know you can stay with me
for one cigarette.
880
00:46:08,135 --> 00:46:11,200
You, me, five bucks,
good conversation.
881
00:46:11,300 --> 00:46:12,800
Right?
882
00:46:14,700 --> 00:46:15,900
Lainie...
883
00:46:18,000 --> 00:46:20,950
Troy, you haven't been home
in four days.
884
00:46:20,985 --> 00:46:23,900
I mean, where have you
been sleeping?
885
00:46:26,600 --> 00:46:28,200
I got to go.
886
00:46:34,900 --> 00:46:38,600
Mom, I need to talk to you
about a loan.
887
00:46:44,100 --> 00:46:45,700
Is it for drugs?
888
00:46:47,900 --> 00:46:50,500
No. No, it's not for drugs.
889
00:46:50,600 --> 00:46:53,500
I was f...
I lost my job.
890
00:46:54,600 --> 00:46:56,000
But you shouldn't have
any trouble...
891
00:46:56,100 --> 00:46:57,700
finding another job,
sugar bugger.
892
00:46:57,735 --> 00:46:59,365
No. See, I tried.
893
00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:02,000
I applied for every single
opening in my field...
894
00:47:02,100 --> 00:47:05,400
but there's just...
There's nothing right now.
895
00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:10,800
Hmm. Well...
then I hate to say it but...
896
00:47:10,900 --> 00:47:12,300
times are hard.
897
00:47:12,400 --> 00:47:14,300
You're just gonna
have to swallow your pride.
898
00:47:16,100 --> 00:47:19,100
Why don't you get a job
at Burgerama? They'll hire you.
899
00:47:19,135 --> 00:47:21,165
My lord, I saw on the TV...
900
00:47:21,200 --> 00:47:25,100
they had this little retarded
boy working the cash register.
901
00:47:25,135 --> 00:47:28,565
Because I'm not retarded, mom.
902
00:47:28,600 --> 00:47:31,500
I was valedictorian
of my university.
903
00:47:31,600 --> 00:47:36,200
Well, you don't have to put that
down on your application.
904
00:47:43,100 --> 00:47:45,065
Miss Pierce,
do you have any idea...
905
00:47:45,100 --> 00:47:48,565
what it means to be a cashier
at Wiener Schnitzel?
906
00:47:48,600 --> 00:47:52,400
Yeah. It's, uh... taking orders
and making change, and, uh...
907
00:47:52,435 --> 00:47:53,565
"thank you. "
908
00:47:53,600 --> 00:47:55,265
No. It's a juggling act.
909
00:47:55,300 --> 00:47:59,800
A juggling act? You mean,
like, metaphorically?
910
00:47:59,900 --> 00:48:02,600
No. I mean, you got people
coming at you from the front...
911
00:48:02,635 --> 00:48:05,100
coming at you from the back,
from the sides...
912
00:48:05,200 --> 00:48:07,100
people at the condiment
exchange...
913
00:48:07,200 --> 00:48:10,300
people at the drive-thru,
kids on bikes...
914
00:48:10,335 --> 00:48:12,600
and they're all
depending on who?
915
00:48:12,700 --> 00:48:14,100
-Me?
-Yeah.
916
00:48:14,200 --> 00:48:16,600
You got time to lean,
you got time to clean, buddy.
917
00:48:16,700 --> 00:48:17,965
All right?
918
00:48:18,000 --> 00:48:20,100
You got to be 150 percent
on your toes...
919
00:48:20,200 --> 00:48:21,700
150 percent of the time.
920
00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:24,600
There you go, sir.
And have a 'tude, wiener dude.
921
00:48:24,700 --> 00:48:26,200
All rightie.
922
00:48:27,200 --> 00:48:29,600
OK. I'm going to throw
a few numbers out at you...
923
00:48:29,700 --> 00:48:32,400
and you put them together in
your head as quick as you can.
924
00:48:32,435 --> 00:48:33,465
-OK?
-OK.
925
00:48:33,500 --> 00:48:35,000
Eighty-five and forty-five. Go.
926
00:48:36,200 --> 00:48:37,400
One... forty?
927
00:48:37,435 --> 00:48:38,200
Nope.
928
00:48:38,300 --> 00:48:40,465
-One... fifty?
-Nope.
929
00:48:40,500 --> 00:48:43,100
-One-sixty?
-It's not an auction.
930
00:48:43,200 --> 00:48:47,900
Miss Pierce, there's a reason
I've been here six months.
931
00:49:06,300 --> 00:49:07,700
WEATHERMAN:
For the entire summertime...
932
00:49:07,735 --> 00:49:08,965
occurring in one day.
933
00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:11,000
Then last night we had
snow reports in Utah.
934
00:49:11,035 --> 00:49:12,500
Today reports of I-70...
935
00:49:16,200 --> 00:49:17,665
Royalton Hotel.
936
00:49:17,700 --> 00:49:19,200
Oh, hi.
Is this the Royalton Hotel?
937
00:49:19,235 --> 00:49:20,665
That's what I said.
938
00:49:20,700 --> 00:49:22,165
Oh, sorry.
I didn't hear you.
939
00:49:22,200 --> 00:49:24,700
I'm looking for a guest there.
His name is Michael Grates.
940
00:49:24,735 --> 00:49:26,600
Hold one moment, please.
941
00:49:29,400 --> 00:49:30,765
That guest is out.
942
00:49:30,800 --> 00:49:32,665
Would you like
to leave a message?
943
00:49:32,700 --> 00:49:34,900
Oh... no. That's OK.
I'll just try again later.
944
00:49:34,935 --> 00:49:36,200
Thanks.
945
00:49:41,200 --> 00:49:44,700
Hi. I'm Cheryl Goode
and welcome to "Wedgie"...
946
00:49:44,800 --> 00:49:46,200
the world of hip couture.
947
00:49:46,300 --> 00:49:48,700
This week, we're
in south-central Los Angeles...
948
00:49:48,800 --> 00:49:50,700
at the intersection
of Florence and Normandy...
949
00:49:50,800 --> 00:49:52,700
the flashpoint of fashion.
950
00:49:52,800 --> 00:49:55,400
The phattest gangsta trend
will increase your peace.
951
00:49:55,435 --> 00:49:57,200
This bandanna by Donna Karin...
952
00:49:57,300 --> 00:49:59,700
is blue for Crips,
red for Bloods...
953
00:49:59,800 --> 00:50:01,500
and only costs
seventy-five dollars.
954
00:50:31,300 --> 00:50:33,300
Lainie, have you seen
a pack of guitar strings?
955
00:50:33,400 --> 00:50:35,400
I have to bring them
to the club.
956
00:50:35,500 --> 00:50:37,065
You know,
I hope he knows...
957
00:50:37,100 --> 00:50:40,300
that he still has to
pay some rent around here.
958
00:50:40,335 --> 00:50:42,265
I mean... Ha ha.
959
00:50:42,300 --> 00:50:45,100
I don't know where he thinks
he's spending his nights, but...
960
00:50:46,500 --> 00:50:48,000
Do you know?
961
00:50:50,300 --> 00:50:53,500
I'm late for a jean-folding
seminar. Let's locomote.
962
00:51:00,100 --> 00:51:02,300
Now you can call
your own personal psychic...
963
00:51:02,335 --> 00:51:04,300
anytime 24 hours a day...
964
00:51:04,400 --> 00:51:07,500
thanks to the nationwide
Psychic Discovery Network.
965
00:51:07,535 --> 00:51:09,417
You can pick up the phone
and talk directly...
966
00:51:09,452 --> 00:51:11,300
with an established
professional psychic...
967
00:51:11,335 --> 00:51:13,400
in the privacy of your own home.
968
00:51:13,500 --> 00:51:16,500
I was unhappy in my career,
and I needed a change.
969
00:51:16,535 --> 00:51:18,265
But I didn't know what to do.
970
00:51:18,300 --> 00:51:22,500
It's just that nothing
is going down according to plan.
971
00:51:22,535 --> 00:51:25,300
I mean, my best friend...
972
00:51:25,400 --> 00:51:27,800
I feel like I've
lost him forever...
973
00:51:27,900 --> 00:51:32,300
and he was like
my touchstone, you know.
974
00:51:32,400 --> 00:51:33,800
WOMAN ON TELEPHONE:
This man...
975
00:51:33,900 --> 00:51:36,065
does his name start
with the letter "N"?
976
00:51:36,100 --> 00:51:40,800
Because I'm getting
a very strong "N" vibration.
977
00:51:40,900 --> 00:51:43,300
Newsstand.
"N," newsstand.
978
00:51:43,400 --> 00:51:44,800
He used to work
at a newsstand.
979
00:51:44,900 --> 00:51:46,300
Uh-huh.
980
00:51:46,400 --> 00:51:48,900
Oh, god.
This is unbelievable.
981
00:51:48,935 --> 00:51:51,365
Honey,
that's not all I'm getting.
982
00:51:51,400 --> 00:51:54,400
There are people
I know from high school...
983
00:51:54,435 --> 00:51:58,400
who are already married
and having babies.
984
00:51:58,435 --> 00:52:01,465
I mean, babies, OK?
985
00:52:01,500 --> 00:52:03,150
I can't even take care
of a Chia Pet.
986
00:52:03,185 --> 00:52:04,800
Well, honey,
I didn't have kids...
987
00:52:04,900 --> 00:52:06,800
until I was on
my third husband.
988
00:52:06,900 --> 00:52:08,300
Oh, really?
989
00:52:08,335 --> 00:52:09,700
All Geminis.
990
00:52:11,900 --> 00:52:14,000
You know
what I think, Tanell?
991
00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:17,150
I think you still
really love Monty.
992
00:52:17,185 --> 00:52:19,300
Yeah,
you're probably right...
993
00:52:19,400 --> 00:52:20,800
but it don't matter now.
994
00:52:20,900 --> 00:52:22,800
Oh, yes,
it does, Tanell.
995
00:52:22,900 --> 00:52:26,800
I know you're afraid,
but you've got to find him...
996
00:52:26,900 --> 00:52:29,900
and you've got to tell him
how you really feel.
997
00:52:30,000 --> 00:52:32,700
Find him? I got...
998
00:52:32,735 --> 00:52:34,200
Lelaina.
999
00:52:35,200 --> 00:52:36,900
We need to talk to you.
1000
00:52:40,100 --> 00:52:42,500
Hold on, Tanell.
Hold on.
1001
00:52:42,600 --> 00:52:44,465
I'm on the phone.
1002
00:52:44,500 --> 00:52:45,800
Yeah, I can see that...
1003
00:52:45,900 --> 00:52:48,300
and we have a four-hundred
and six dollar phone bill...
1004
00:52:48,335 --> 00:52:51,517
mainly due to some calls
to a 1-900 number.
1005
00:52:51,552 --> 00:52:54,665
Lelaina,
I'm so seriously troubled...
1006
00:52:54,700 --> 00:52:56,700
Listen, we'd help you
out, but we're broke, too.
1007
00:52:56,735 --> 00:52:58,700
And you know we can't afford
a new deposit...
1008
00:52:58,735 --> 00:53:01,100
if the phone gets shut off.
1009
00:53:03,600 --> 00:53:06,800
Maybe you could borrow
the money from Michael.
1010
00:53:06,835 --> 00:53:09,200
No, Sammy. Jesus.
1011
00:53:09,300 --> 00:53:11,465
Lainie,
what are you doing?
1012
00:53:11,500 --> 00:53:14,100
What are you doing?
You lay on that couch all day.
1013
00:53:14,200 --> 00:53:15,700
Those pajamas
are like your uniform.
1014
00:53:15,800 --> 00:53:18,100
You run up a four-hundred dollar
phone bill.
1015
00:53:18,135 --> 00:53:19,765
You watch TV.
You chain-smoke.
1016
00:53:19,800 --> 00:53:21,700
You don't go outside.
You don't do anything.
1017
00:53:21,735 --> 00:53:24,265
Man, you are in the bell jar.
1018
00:53:24,300 --> 00:53:30,200
Look, this is my apartment.
I signed the lease.
1019
00:53:30,300 --> 00:53:33,700
I let you move in here when you
had no job, no money...
1020
00:53:33,800 --> 00:53:35,700
and you sponged off me
for two months!
1021
00:53:35,800 --> 00:53:37,265
Sponged? Uh-huh.
1022
00:53:37,300 --> 00:53:38,800
And now Miss Big Power Marm...
1023
00:53:38,900 --> 00:53:40,200
Miss "I'm manager
of the Gap now"...
1024
00:53:40,300 --> 00:53:42,300
you think you can just come
in here and push me around?!
1025
00:53:42,400 --> 00:53:44,365
She's not being pushy.
1026
00:53:44,400 --> 00:53:48,100
Sammy, what are you even
doing here? You don't live here!
1027
00:53:48,135 --> 00:53:50,265
Hey, my little
unemployed waif...
1028
00:53:50,300 --> 00:53:53,100
you're the one who's looking
for work now, OK?
1029
00:53:53,135 --> 00:53:55,900
God, you're really
enjoying this, aren't you?
1030
00:53:55,935 --> 00:53:57,265
You're high.
1031
00:53:57,300 --> 00:53:59,900
Why don't you go take a walk
outside and get some fresh air?
1032
00:54:01,500 --> 00:54:04,200
You've been waiting for this
since the day we met.
1033
00:54:04,300 --> 00:54:06,500
Who told you that?
Your psychic partner?
1034
00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:12,800
I'll tell you the problem
with your generation.
1035
00:54:12,835 --> 00:54:14,265
You don't have any work ethic.
1036
00:54:14,300 --> 00:54:16,265
Now, you take your friend Troy,
for example.
1037
00:54:16,300 --> 00:54:18,800
I went out of my way to set up
an interview for him...
1038
00:54:18,835 --> 00:54:20,800
and he didn't even
bother to show up.
1039
00:54:22,300 --> 00:54:25,550
That wasn't his fault.
He asked me to call and cancel.
1040
00:54:25,585 --> 00:54:28,765
And everything was going on.
And it slipped my mind.
1041
00:54:28,800 --> 00:54:32,050
And I'm... sorry, but, you know,
I have a work ethic, dad.
1042
00:54:32,085 --> 00:54:35,692
I have a very strong work ethic,
you know. Ask anyone.
1043
00:54:35,727 --> 00:54:38,513
Then all you got to do
is show some ingenuity, hmm?
1044
00:54:38,548 --> 00:54:41,300
Darling, I love you, and I hate
to break your plate...
1045
00:54:41,335 --> 00:54:43,265
but you got to grow up sometime.
1046
00:54:43,300 --> 00:54:47,300
Now, I want you to go out there
and show me some ingenuity, hmm?
1047
00:55:03,500 --> 00:55:06,400
Let me talk
with you, my baby
1048
00:55:06,435 --> 00:55:08,767
It is bad to say
that maybe
1049
00:55:08,802 --> 00:55:11,101
It is time for you
to say we
1050
00:55:11,136 --> 00:55:13,400
Came to share
a point of view
1051
00:55:13,435 --> 00:55:15,300
Living in the never-never
1052
00:55:15,400 --> 00:55:18,450
Dropping out of here together
1053
00:55:18,485 --> 00:55:21,500
I could spend some time
forever
1054
00:55:21,600 --> 00:55:24,400
With a girl like you,
let me hear you say
1055
00:55:24,435 --> 00:55:28,300
Let's go, ooh
1056
00:55:28,400 --> 00:55:33,900
You want to turn it in,
turn it into heaven, yeah
1057
00:55:33,935 --> 00:55:36,665
Let's go
1058
00:55:36,700 --> 00:55:38,665
Ooh, ooh, ooh
1059
00:55:38,700 --> 00:55:42,700
You want to turn it in,
turn it into heaven, yeah
1060
00:55:42,735 --> 00:55:45,600
Right here on earth.
1061
00:55:45,700 --> 00:55:49,300
Looking for tomorrow
1062
00:55:51,400 --> 00:55:54,400
Can you see us one day?
1063
00:55:56,400 --> 00:55:59,000
Beg or steal or borrow
1064
00:56:01,400 --> 00:56:04,300
We could live forever
1065
00:56:06,000 --> 00:56:08,600
Never to say never
1066
00:56:08,635 --> 00:56:11,200
You will be for me
1067
00:56:11,300 --> 00:56:14,600
I will fight for you, now
1068
00:56:14,700 --> 00:56:16,565
Let's go
1069
00:56:16,600 --> 00:56:18,500
Ooh, ooh, ooh
1070
00:56:18,600 --> 00:56:22,700
You want to turn it in,
turn it into heaven, yeah...
1071
00:56:27,000 --> 00:56:28,900
Well, that solves
our first problem.
1072
00:56:29,000 --> 00:56:30,900
Rent's due this week.
1073
00:56:34,300 --> 00:56:35,765
Well, well.
1074
00:56:35,800 --> 00:56:39,600
Look who finally decided
to grace us with his...
1075
00:56:41,100 --> 00:56:42,465
Presence.
1076
00:56:42,500 --> 00:56:44,800
This is...
This is, uh, Jean.
1077
00:56:44,900 --> 00:56:45,965
Janine.
1078
00:56:46,000 --> 00:56:51,000
Uh, Janine. Janine.
It's a little loud in the club.
1079
00:56:51,100 --> 00:56:52,500
Excuse me.
1080
00:56:54,000 --> 00:56:55,400
Can't stay here, Troy.
1081
00:56:55,500 --> 00:56:57,900
I'm just gonna
pick something up.
1082
00:56:58,000 --> 00:56:59,300
Well...
1083
00:56:59,400 --> 00:57:03,300
Mission accomplished.
Now leave.
1084
00:57:03,400 --> 00:57:05,165
I think maybe
I'm gonna wait...
1085
00:57:05,200 --> 00:57:07,500
Always the mistress
of etiquette, huh, Lainie?
1086
00:57:07,535 --> 00:57:08,965
Just out of curiosity...
1087
00:57:09,000 --> 00:57:11,100
why are you suddenly acting
like a jealous girlfriend?
1088
00:57:11,200 --> 00:57:13,700
All right. We're just
trying to pay bills here, OK?
1089
00:57:13,735 --> 00:57:15,965
So, Troy, if you got
any money...
1090
00:57:16,000 --> 00:57:19,600
Money? Oh, but what's
money to an artist?
1091
00:57:19,635 --> 00:57:23,200
To a philosopher?
It's just green-colored paper...
1092
00:57:23,300 --> 00:57:25,465
that floats in and out
of his life like snow.
1093
00:57:25,500 --> 00:57:27,900
It's nothing you actually have
to, I don't know, work for...
1094
00:57:27,935 --> 00:57:29,100
is it, Troy?
1095
00:57:29,200 --> 00:57:30,800
No, not if you have
daddy's little gas card.
1096
00:57:30,835 --> 00:57:32,265
You shut up!
1097
00:57:32,300 --> 00:57:34,900
You shut up! I busted my ass
to find a job, any job!
1098
00:57:34,935 --> 00:57:37,117
You don't even bother
showing up for interviews!
1099
00:57:37,152 --> 00:57:39,300
What is it that you want
from me? Huh? What is it?
1100
00:57:39,400 --> 00:57:40,800
You want me to get a job
on the line...
1101
00:57:40,900 --> 00:57:42,465
for the next 20 years,
until I'm granted leave...
1102
00:57:42,500 --> 00:57:44,850
with my gold-plated watch
and my balls full of tumors...
1103
00:57:44,885 --> 00:57:47,200
because I surrendered the one
thing that means shit to me?
1104
00:57:47,235 --> 00:57:48,665
Well, honey,
you can just exhale...
1105
00:57:48,700 --> 00:57:51,600
because it's not gonna happen,
not in this lifetime.
1106
00:57:52,600 --> 00:57:54,600
All right, fine!
You don't want to work, fine!
1107
00:57:54,635 --> 00:57:56,065
Lainie, goddamn it!
1108
00:57:56,100 --> 00:57:58,600
You want to be a band,
then be a goddamn band!
1109
00:57:58,635 --> 00:58:00,100
Rehearse every day!
Play every night!
1110
00:58:00,135 --> 00:58:01,565
Play three times a night!
1111
00:58:01,600 --> 00:58:05,600
Don't just dick around the same
coffeehouse for five years!
1112
00:58:05,700 --> 00:58:08,600
Don't dick around
with her or with me.
1113
00:58:08,700 --> 00:58:10,600
I mean, try at something,
for once in your life!
1114
00:58:10,700 --> 00:58:12,665
Do something about it,
but you know what?
1115
00:58:12,700 --> 00:58:15,100
You better do it now,
and you better do it fast...
1116
00:58:15,200 --> 00:58:17,700
because the world
doesn't owe you any favors...
1117
00:58:17,735 --> 00:58:19,165
and whether
you know it or not...
1118
00:58:19,200 --> 00:58:21,400
you're on the inside track
to Loserville, U.S.A...
1119
00:58:21,435 --> 00:58:23,700
just like him.
1120
00:58:33,600 --> 00:58:36,100
OK. It's just
too psychotic in here now.
1121
00:58:36,135 --> 00:58:38,600
All right, Lelaina,
let's go for a walk.
1122
00:58:39,900 --> 00:58:40,900
Fine.
1123
00:58:42,400 --> 00:58:45,200
Come on, man.
Let them go.
1124
00:58:47,700 --> 00:58:51,400
With pleasure, my friends.
With pleasure. Ha.
1125
00:58:51,500 --> 00:58:53,700
"With pleasure"? You know
who I really feel sorry for...
1126
00:58:53,735 --> 00:58:55,000
is that poor girl.
1127
00:58:55,200 --> 00:58:57,350
Oh, how about when he sneaks
his laundry in with ours?
1128
00:58:57,385 --> 00:58:59,500
It's like I'm pulling
that stuff out of the dryer...
1129
00:58:59,535 --> 00:59:01,000
and there's five pairs
of his boxers...
1130
00:59:01,035 --> 00:59:02,465
I just washed unknowingly.
1131
00:59:02,500 --> 00:59:04,250
No, I'll just throw it
back in his face.
1132
00:59:04,285 --> 00:59:06,392
Yeah, like I'm gonna
do his laundry. Yeah.
1133
00:59:06,427 --> 00:59:08,500
He's weird. He's strange.
He's sloppy.
1134
00:59:08,535 --> 00:59:10,565
He's a total nightmare
for women.
1135
00:59:10,600 --> 00:59:13,500
I can't believe
I haven't slept with him yet.
1136
00:59:14,800 --> 00:59:16,400
Do you ever wish
you were a lesbian?
1137
00:59:17,600 --> 00:59:20,400
Don't you think it would be
so much easier?
1138
00:59:21,900 --> 00:59:24,365
Sometimes, but...
1139
00:59:24,400 --> 00:59:26,650
Nah. I couldn't
go through with it.
1140
00:59:26,685 --> 00:59:28,942
I'd start laughing
or something.
1141
00:59:28,977 --> 00:59:31,200
But it's such a shame...
1142
00:59:31,400 --> 00:59:33,450
because I am
so through with men.
1143
00:59:33,485 --> 00:59:35,492
If one more guy
walks out on me...
1144
00:59:35,527 --> 00:59:37,465
I don't even know what.
I swear.
1145
00:59:37,500 --> 00:59:39,600
What are you
talking about...
1146
00:59:39,635 --> 00:59:41,700
Walk out on you?
You walk out on them.
1147
00:59:41,800 --> 00:59:43,165
I've seen you.
1148
00:59:43,200 --> 00:59:45,300
You're out the door
before the condom comes off.
1149
00:59:46,300 --> 00:59:48,800
Listen to me, I'm just
beating them to the punch.
1150
00:59:48,835 --> 00:59:50,000
OK.
1151
00:59:53,100 --> 00:59:56,000
You don't even know
I'm sitting here...
1152
00:59:56,100 --> 00:59:57,600
maybe...
1153
00:59:59,100 --> 01:00:00,900
Probably dying of A.I.D.S.
1154
01:00:07,900 --> 01:00:10,900
And I'm totally alone.
1155
01:00:15,000 --> 01:00:16,500
Vickie...
1156
01:00:18,000 --> 01:00:19,965
Well, uh...
1157
01:00:20,000 --> 01:00:21,700
you're not alone.
1158
01:00:23,700 --> 01:00:27,500
Hey. Look, I'm sorry
for everything I said...
1159
01:00:27,535 --> 01:00:30,817
and I'm sorry
for being such a bitch...
1160
01:00:30,852 --> 01:00:33,976
but I have to tell you,
you're not alone.
1161
01:00:34,011 --> 01:00:37,055
You're not, and you're not
dying of A.I.D.S.
1162
01:00:37,090 --> 01:00:40,100
You don't understand.
Every day, all day...
1163
01:00:40,135 --> 01:00:42,600
it's all that I think about, OK?
1164
01:00:42,635 --> 01:00:44,065
Every time I sneeze...
1165
01:00:44,100 --> 01:00:47,100
it's like I'm four sneezes away
from the hospice.
1166
01:00:47,135 --> 01:00:49,267
And it's like it's not even
happening to me.
1167
01:00:49,302 --> 01:00:51,400
It's like I'm watching it
on some crappy show...
1168
01:00:51,600 --> 01:00:52,900
like "Melrose Place"
or some shit, right?
1169
01:00:52,935 --> 01:00:54,165
And I'm the new character.
1170
01:00:54,200 --> 01:00:55,665
I'm the H.I.V.-A.I.D.S.
character...
1171
01:00:55,700 --> 01:00:57,800
and I live in the building,
and I teach everybody...
1172
01:00:57,835 --> 01:00:59,900
that it's OK to be near me,
it's OK to talk to me...
1173
01:01:00,000 --> 01:01:01,400
and then I die...
1174
01:01:01,500 --> 01:01:03,400
and there's everybody
at my funeral...
1175
01:01:03,500 --> 01:01:06,000
wearing halter tops and chokers
or some shit like that.
1176
01:01:07,300 --> 01:01:09,965
Vickie, stop, OK?
Just stop.
1177
01:01:10,000 --> 01:01:12,150
You're freaking out,
and you know what?
1178
01:01:12,185 --> 01:01:14,265
You're gonna have to deal
with the results.
1179
01:01:14,300 --> 01:01:16,100
Whatever they are, we're gonna
have to deal with them...
1180
01:01:16,135 --> 01:01:17,867
just like we've dealt
with everything else.
1181
01:01:17,902 --> 01:01:19,600
This isn't like
everything else.
1182
01:01:19,635 --> 01:01:21,800
I know that, all right?
1183
01:01:21,900 --> 01:01:24,600
But it's gonna be OK,
you know?
1184
01:01:24,635 --> 01:01:26,300
I know it's gonna be OK.
1185
01:01:31,100 --> 01:01:34,600
"Melrose Place"
is a really good show.
1186
01:01:42,700 --> 01:01:45,200
WOMAN ON LOUDSPEAKER:
Lelaina Pierce.
1187
01:01:46,500 --> 01:01:49,300
Is there a Lelaina Pierce here?
1188
01:01:52,200 --> 01:01:53,500
Yeah.
1189
01:02:00,600 --> 01:02:02,100
Hello.
Lelaina?
1190
01:02:02,135 --> 01:02:03,300
Ha ha! Hi!
1191
01:02:03,400 --> 01:02:04,900
Look, I had to
call you right away.
1192
01:02:05,100 --> 01:02:06,600
Listen, listen.
Don't kill me, OK?
1193
01:02:06,635 --> 01:02:07,800
What? What?
1194
01:02:07,900 --> 01:02:09,400
I took the tape,
and I showed it.
1195
01:02:09,600 --> 01:02:11,065
No.
1196
01:02:11,100 --> 01:02:13,700
Wait, wait, wait. Listen.
They freaked out.
1197
01:02:13,735 --> 01:02:15,200
They want to buy them.
1198
01:02:15,235 --> 01:02:17,067
-No.
-Yes.
1199
01:02:17,102 --> 01:02:18,865
They liked it?
1200
01:02:18,900 --> 01:02:21,400
No, no. I mean, they, like,
psychotically loved it.
1201
01:02:21,435 --> 01:02:23,900
They want to pay you for it.
1202
01:02:24,000 --> 01:02:25,865
I know this isn't P B.S.,
but is this OK?
1203
01:02:25,900 --> 01:02:28,700
Yes! I was this close to selling
fruit at intersections.
1204
01:02:28,735 --> 01:02:30,665
Well, don't, all right?
Don't.
1205
01:02:30,700 --> 01:02:32,300
Just hang on, and I'm gonna
get you some money...
1206
01:02:32,335 --> 01:02:34,000
and I'm gonna be down there
in a few days...
1207
01:02:34,035 --> 01:02:35,265
and I just...
I'm just, like...
1208
01:02:35,300 --> 01:02:37,100
I'm thinking about you
every second here.
1209
01:02:38,600 --> 01:02:40,265
Hello! Hello! Hello!
1210
01:02:40,300 --> 01:02:41,800
Hello! Can you hear me now?
1211
01:02:41,835 --> 01:02:43,800
Where are you?
1212
01:02:44,000 --> 01:02:45,265
I'm in a phone booth.
1213
01:02:45,300 --> 01:02:47,365
Why are you
on a cellular phone?
1214
01:02:47,400 --> 01:02:49,800
I don't know.
I have no idea. I'm just...
1215
01:02:49,900 --> 01:02:53,400
Michael, Michael, Michael,
I... I really miss you!
1216
01:02:53,435 --> 01:02:55,700
I really miss you, too.
I love you. Oh! Whoa!
1217
01:02:55,735 --> 01:02:58,700
I mean... I mean...
you amaze me.
1218
01:02:58,735 --> 01:03:00,567
No! You amaze me!
1219
01:03:00,602 --> 01:03:02,251
Hello?
1220
01:03:02,286 --> 01:03:03,865
Can you hear me?
1221
01:03:03,900 --> 01:03:05,900
Michael, I'm losing you.
1222
01:03:06,000 --> 01:03:08,700
I'm gonna call you back.
Wait. What?
1223
01:03:12,800 --> 01:03:17,700
Pay phone outside...
always amazes me.
1224
01:03:18,200 --> 01:03:19,300
Hey.
1225
01:03:20,300 --> 01:03:22,300
"Try me. I'm free. "
1226
01:03:24,800 --> 01:03:26,800
Good mag. Good mag.
1227
01:03:29,100 --> 01:03:32,600
-Negatory.
-Yeah! All right!
1228
01:03:32,800 --> 01:03:35,100
Did you hear that?
Negative!
1229
01:03:35,300 --> 01:03:38,000
Here. Let me see that.
1230
01:03:38,035 --> 01:03:40,665
Hey, hey! All rightie!
1231
01:03:40,700 --> 01:03:42,700
Thanks
for the help, Lainie.
1232
01:03:42,735 --> 01:03:44,700
A celebration zoom.
1233
01:03:44,735 --> 01:03:47,465
OK. Enough.
1234
01:03:47,500 --> 01:03:49,700
-Ma!
-I'm right here, son.
1235
01:03:49,735 --> 01:03:51,665
-Ma.
-Yeah?
1236
01:03:51,700 --> 01:03:56,000
I have to tell you
some... thing.
1237
01:03:56,035 --> 01:04:01,300
I am... a... homo... sexual.
1238
01:04:02,300 --> 01:04:06,800
Oh, Christ. Is there a support
group that I can join...
1239
01:04:06,835 --> 01:04:10,300
to help me come to terms
with my own homophobia?
1240
01:04:10,335 --> 01:04:12,265
Yes, there is...
1241
01:04:12,300 --> 01:04:14,765
a group which is named
P F L.A.G....
1242
01:04:14,800 --> 01:04:19,700
Parents and Friends
of Lesbians and Gays.
1243
01:04:20,700 --> 01:04:23,665
Oh. Oh. P F L.A.G.
1244
01:04:23,700 --> 01:04:27,000
I'm beginning to like
the sound of that.
1245
01:04:29,500 --> 01:04:32,200
What you've just witnessed here
is a preenactment...
1246
01:04:32,235 --> 01:04:35,000
of events that are
about to take place.
1247
01:04:37,300 --> 01:04:44,000
Well... I came out to her, and...
1248
01:04:44,100 --> 01:04:47,800
she's still
a little bit upset.
1249
01:04:48,000 --> 01:04:49,800
But you know...
1250
01:04:51,400 --> 01:04:53,800
You know, I think
the real reason...
1251
01:04:53,900 --> 01:04:56,065
that I've been celibate
for so long...
1252
01:04:56,100 --> 01:04:59,800
isn't really because I'm
that terrified of the big "A"...
1253
01:04:59,900 --> 01:05:02,400
but because I can't really
start my life...
1254
01:05:02,435 --> 01:05:04,900
without being honest
about who I am and...
1255
01:05:06,900 --> 01:05:09,200
SAMMY ON TAPE:
I want to be in there, too.
1256
01:05:09,400 --> 01:05:14,200
I want to feel miserable
and happy and all of that.
1257
01:05:14,400 --> 01:05:16,200
I mean, I...
1258
01:05:16,400 --> 01:05:18,200
I want to...
1259
01:05:20,500 --> 01:05:23,300
I want to be let back
in the house.
1260
01:05:33,800 --> 01:05:37,400
Hello. Oh, hi.
1261
01:05:37,600 --> 01:05:39,865
Um... sorry.
1262
01:05:39,900 --> 01:05:42,900
Just... the door was...
1263
01:05:42,935 --> 01:05:44,100
So I just, um...
1264
01:05:45,400 --> 01:05:47,400
Yeah, she's getting dressed.
1265
01:05:49,400 --> 01:05:50,500
Great.
1266
01:06:00,500 --> 01:06:02,000
I'll just...
1267
01:06:10,800 --> 01:06:12,800
Oh, I, um...
I don't know if she told you...
1268
01:06:12,835 --> 01:06:14,265
but I just came back
from New York...
1269
01:06:14,300 --> 01:06:17,400
with the tapes that she made,
and the stuff of you...
1270
01:06:17,435 --> 01:06:19,565
it's really...
it's really great stuff.
1271
01:06:19,600 --> 01:06:22,900
Really. That whole...
that whole thing about...
1272
01:06:22,935 --> 01:06:26,400
"Nobody can eat all the eggs,"
that was...
1273
01:06:26,435 --> 01:06:27,865
that was really...
1274
01:06:27,900 --> 01:06:29,900
I was quoting
Cool Hand Luke.
1275
01:06:31,600 --> 01:06:34,550
Yeah. That's OK.
I mean... That's... I know.
1276
01:06:34,585 --> 01:06:37,500
It's... I mean... You know...
It's still... It's...
1277
01:06:38,100 --> 01:06:40,000
Hi.
1278
01:06:40,100 --> 01:06:42,400
-Hi.
-Hi.
1279
01:06:42,500 --> 01:06:44,700
What happened
to your normal clothes?
1280
01:06:44,800 --> 01:06:46,850
Wow!
Lelaina, look at you.
1281
01:06:46,885 --> 01:06:49,892
You look...
Where'd you get that dress?
1282
01:06:49,927 --> 01:06:52,900
Oh, um... I don't know.
I just bought it.
1283
01:06:53,000 --> 01:06:55,600
But I think I'm gonna
go change because...
1284
01:06:55,635 --> 01:06:56,900
No, don't.
You look beautiful.
1285
01:06:57,000 --> 01:06:59,300
You look like...
You look like...
1286
01:06:59,335 --> 01:07:00,800
A doily.
1287
01:07:04,400 --> 01:07:06,865
-I'm gonna change.
-No, don't change.
1288
01:07:06,900 --> 01:07:09,100
And don't go thinking
for yourself either, Lainie.
1289
01:07:09,200 --> 01:07:11,300
Hey, what is your glitch, huh?
1290
01:07:11,335 --> 01:07:13,100
My "glitch"?
1291
01:07:13,200 --> 01:07:15,965
You know what?
We're already late.
1292
01:07:16,000 --> 01:07:18,250
No, no, no, no.
Hang on a second here.
1293
01:07:18,285 --> 01:07:20,542
Do you have, like, a problem
with me or something?
1294
01:07:20,577 --> 01:07:22,888
Because if you do, let's just
get this out, all right?
1295
01:07:22,923 --> 01:07:25,611
Seriously, is there, like...
I mean, have I, like, uh...
1296
01:07:25,646 --> 01:07:28,300
stepped over some line in
the sands of coolness with you?
1297
01:07:28,335 --> 01:07:30,065
Because.. Because...
No, no, no. Excuse me...
1298
01:07:30,100 --> 01:07:32,200
if somebody doesn't know
the secret handshake with you.
1299
01:07:32,300 --> 01:07:34,300
There's no secret handshake.
1300
01:07:34,400 --> 01:07:38,100
There's an I.Q. prerequisite,
but there's no secret handshake.
1301
01:07:39,700 --> 01:07:41,465
I... This is... You... No...
1302
01:07:41,500 --> 01:07:44,350
This guy... you've got this whole
thing with the world.
1303
01:07:44,385 --> 01:07:47,200
Don't you? Huh? That's great.
That's really wonderful.
1304
01:07:47,235 --> 01:07:48,800
But guess what.
I'm a human being, OK?
1305
01:07:48,900 --> 01:07:50,765
We're human beings,
people, OK?
1306
01:07:50,800 --> 01:07:55,000
We're not, like, intelligence
quotations or whatever.
1307
01:07:55,035 --> 01:07:57,000
-Just ignore him.
-No!
1308
01:07:57,035 --> 01:07:58,200
Done.
1309
01:08:01,500 --> 01:08:03,500
Come on. Let's go.
You don't need this.
1310
01:08:03,600 --> 01:08:05,400
You don't know
what she needs.
1311
01:08:07,600 --> 01:08:10,300
I think I know what she needs
in a way that you never will.
1312
01:08:16,100 --> 01:08:17,700
Let's go.
1313
01:08:23,600 --> 01:08:26,000
Baby, tell me
that my love ain't good
1314
01:08:26,100 --> 01:08:31,500
I don't treat you right,
I don't do you like I should...
1315
01:08:31,600 --> 01:08:34,000
Listen,
that's got to be back here, OK?
1316
01:08:34,200 --> 01:08:35,700
-Hi.
-Hi.
1317
01:08:36,700 --> 01:08:38,165
So, you ready?
1318
01:08:38,200 --> 01:08:40,000
Well, what's it like?
I mean...
1319
01:08:40,100 --> 01:08:41,700
It's great. It's great.
1320
01:08:41,800 --> 01:08:43,500
I mean, I haven't actually
seen it yet...
1321
01:08:43,600 --> 01:08:45,850
but we had our best guys
working on it...
1322
01:08:45,885 --> 01:08:48,492
and, you know, we just put
some titles on...
1323
01:08:48,527 --> 01:08:51,100
and shaped it a little bit.
It's gonna be great.
1324
01:08:51,135 --> 01:08:52,367
OK.
1325
01:08:52,402 --> 01:08:53,951
OK, OK.
1326
01:08:53,986 --> 01:08:55,500
OK. Thanks.
1327
01:08:56,500 --> 01:08:59,565
OK, everybody,
it's a special night...
1328
01:08:59,600 --> 01:09:01,600
because, as you know,
we're entering into...
1329
01:09:01,635 --> 01:09:03,100
a new phase
here at the channel...
1330
01:09:03,135 --> 01:09:05,065
real programming.
1331
01:09:05,100 --> 01:09:07,600
And our first step
is this remarkable piece...
1332
01:09:07,635 --> 01:09:09,000
by Lelaina.
1333
01:09:13,000 --> 01:09:14,900
So hang on, because
this is going to change...
1334
01:09:15,000 --> 01:09:16,700
the face
of "In Your Face. "
1335
01:09:45,800 --> 01:09:47,200
What's this?
1336
01:09:47,300 --> 01:09:49,700
It's just transitional stuff.
1337
01:09:50,600 --> 01:09:55,700
MAN, SINGING:
La la la-la la
1338
01:09:55,800 --> 01:10:02,100
The story of my life
1339
01:10:02,200 --> 01:10:03,165
We're finished!
1340
01:10:03,200 --> 01:10:07,065
SINGING:
School's out forever
1341
01:10:07,100 --> 01:10:10,300
I am not under any orders to
make the world a better place.
1342
01:10:10,400 --> 01:10:13,100
And you wonder
why we never got involved.
1343
01:10:13,135 --> 01:10:15,800
SINGING:
School's been blown to pieces
1344
01:10:15,835 --> 01:10:17,617
SINGING:
Love can make you weep
1345
01:10:17,652 --> 01:10:19,400
I don't want to get married...
1346
01:10:19,500 --> 01:10:20,800
because I see
how my parents are.
1347
01:10:20,900 --> 01:10:23,100
-My parents got divorced...
-My parents got divorced...
1348
01:10:23,135 --> 01:10:24,865
-When I was fourteen.
-When I was five years old.
1349
01:10:24,900 --> 01:10:27,800
My mother actually goes to
the bathroom with the door open.
1350
01:10:34,000 --> 01:10:36,700
I swore to myself
I'd never get married.
1351
01:10:36,735 --> 01:10:37,600
I want passion.
1352
01:10:37,700 --> 01:10:40,700
Let's talk about
sex, baby, let's talk about...
1353
01:10:40,735 --> 01:10:43,465
Turns you on, doesn't it?
Brownies!
1354
01:10:43,500 --> 01:10:47,800
Would you two just do it and get
it over with? I'm starving.
1355
01:10:47,835 --> 01:10:49,700
Oh, my god.
1356
01:10:49,800 --> 01:10:51,100
LELAINA, ON VIDEO:
But the question remains...
1357
01:10:53,200 --> 01:10:56,000
How can we repair
all the damage we inherited?
1358
01:10:56,100 --> 01:10:58,300
I was told there'd be
no math on this exam.
1359
01:10:58,335 --> 01:10:59,767
Can I change my answer?
1360
01:10:59,802 --> 01:11:01,165
The answer is simple.
1361
01:11:01,200 --> 01:11:03,500
We're on a road
to nowhere
1362
01:11:03,535 --> 01:11:05,665
Jesus.
1363
01:11:05,700 --> 01:11:07,600
The answer is...
The-the-the answer is...
1364
01:11:07,700 --> 01:11:08,800
Pizza!
1365
01:11:08,835 --> 01:11:09,865
Pizza.
1366
01:11:09,900 --> 01:11:11,500
Pizza. Ha ha.
1367
01:11:21,300 --> 01:11:22,800
Oh...
1368
01:11:24,800 --> 01:11:27,200
-It's, um...
-Yeah, right.
1369
01:11:27,300 --> 01:11:30,300
We're on a road
to nowhere
1370
01:11:30,400 --> 01:11:33,300
But here we go
1371
01:11:33,335 --> 01:11:35,000
Lelaina.
1372
01:11:43,400 --> 01:11:45,800
Lelaina, look. I'm sorry,
all right? I didn't know.
1373
01:11:45,900 --> 01:11:47,800
That was not my work, Michael.
That's not what I did.
1374
01:11:47,900 --> 01:11:49,800
That's not what I want.
It had nothing!
1375
01:11:49,900 --> 01:11:51,800
I can't believe
I trusted you!
1376
01:11:51,900 --> 01:11:53,800
I had no idea!
I didn't see it!
1377
01:11:53,900 --> 01:11:56,300
I mean, look. I guess it was
probably a little slow...
1378
01:11:56,400 --> 01:11:57,800
and they cut it up
a little...
1379
01:11:57,900 --> 01:11:58,800
Cut it up?
1380
01:11:58,900 --> 01:12:00,865
They cut up everything
that meant anything to me!
1381
01:12:00,900 --> 01:12:03,400
I mean, I don't even think
you realize what you've done.
1382
01:12:03,435 --> 01:12:05,400
You don't get it.
You just don't get it!
1383
01:12:05,435 --> 01:12:07,365
I do get it!
Look. It just...
1384
01:12:07,400 --> 01:12:09,400
It's, like, you have
this great piece of work...
1385
01:12:09,435 --> 01:12:11,365
and we have this audience,
these kids...
1386
01:12:11,400 --> 01:12:13,400
and it's like trying to feed
them meatloaf or something...
1387
01:12:13,435 --> 01:12:14,865
and they don't want to
eat it, right?
1388
01:12:14,900 --> 01:12:16,650
So you have to give them, like,
"Here comes the plane.
1389
01:12:16,685 --> 01:12:18,400
"It's coming into the hangar.
Open up the hangar. "
1390
01:12:18,435 --> 01:12:19,500
But it's still meatloaf.
1391
01:12:19,600 --> 01:12:21,250
It was never meatloaf!
1392
01:12:21,285 --> 01:12:22,842
That's a bad...
I just...
1393
01:12:22,877 --> 01:12:24,365
Look, I'm sorry, all right?
1394
01:12:24,400 --> 01:12:25,900
They were just trying
to market it.
1395
01:12:25,935 --> 01:12:27,400
And I wish I could
be perfect, OK?
1396
01:12:27,435 --> 01:12:28,865
I wish I could be like Troy...
1397
01:12:28,900 --> 01:12:30,900
riding on his melted
cheese sandwich and everything.
1398
01:12:30,935 --> 01:12:32,417
Don't you dare bring Troy
into this.
1399
01:12:32,452 --> 01:12:33,865
Hey, I wish
I could be like him.
1400
01:12:33,900 --> 01:12:35,400
I wish I could live
off of creeds and mottoes...
1401
01:12:35,435 --> 01:12:36,865
and all that shit,
all right?
1402
01:12:36,900 --> 01:12:38,900
But I'm in the real world
here, OK?
1403
01:12:38,935 --> 01:12:41,365
And I have ideals also.
1404
01:12:41,400 --> 01:12:45,200
They're that I...
I care about you...
1405
01:12:45,300 --> 01:12:47,400
and I want
to make you happy...
1406
01:12:47,435 --> 01:12:48,900
and I'm...
1407
01:12:50,900 --> 01:12:52,350
I just...
1408
01:12:52,385 --> 01:12:53,800
Look...
1409
01:12:56,400 --> 01:12:59,300
I'll make them take
the pizza thing out, OK?
1410
01:13:03,400 --> 01:13:06,650
I'm just a bill
1411
01:13:06,685 --> 01:13:09,900
Yes, I'm only a bill
1412
01:13:10,000 --> 01:13:15,900
And I'm sitting here
on Capitol Hill
1413
01:13:16,000 --> 01:13:20,400
Well, it's a long,
long journey to...
1414
01:13:27,100 --> 01:13:29,500
How'd the big premiere
turn out?
1415
01:13:32,400 --> 01:13:33,600
Fine.
1416
01:13:41,100 --> 01:13:44,100
They were just
videotapes, right?
1417
01:13:45,600 --> 01:13:47,800
Who cares? Ha ha.
1418
01:13:50,600 --> 01:13:55,800
I just worked
so hard on them, you know?
1419
01:13:58,100 --> 01:14:00,600
I worked so hard.
1420
01:14:02,100 --> 01:14:04,565
Ah, forget it.
I just sound pathetic.
1421
01:14:04,600 --> 01:14:07,300
No, you don't.
You don't sound pathetic.
1422
01:14:08,600 --> 01:14:11,100
You know, I know
it sounds stupid...
1423
01:14:11,135 --> 01:14:13,600
but it really meant
something to me.
1424
01:14:15,000 --> 01:14:19,600
I know it wasn't gonna,
you know, end world hunger...
1425
01:14:19,635 --> 01:14:22,067
or, you know,
save the planet...
1426
01:14:22,102 --> 01:14:24,500
but it just meant
something to me.
1427
01:14:27,800 --> 01:14:29,600
I just don't...
1428
01:14:32,100 --> 01:14:35,300
Understand why things just can't
go back to normal...
1429
01:14:35,335 --> 01:14:37,565
at the end
of the half-hour...
1430
01:14:37,600 --> 01:14:40,000
like on "The Brady Bunch"
or something.
1431
01:14:42,600 --> 01:14:45,400
Well, because Mr. Brady
died of A.I.D.S.
1432
01:14:49,400 --> 01:14:51,700
Things don't work out like that.
1433
01:14:53,700 --> 01:14:59,200
I was really gonna be something
by the age of twenty-three.
1434
01:15:00,500 --> 01:15:04,700
Honey, all you have to be
by the age of twenty-three...
1435
01:15:04,735 --> 01:15:06,300
is yourself.
1436
01:15:10,300 --> 01:15:13,500
I don't know
who that is anymore.
1437
01:15:13,535 --> 01:15:14,900
Well, I do.
1438
01:15:17,300 --> 01:15:20,600
And we all love her.
I love her.
1439
01:15:22,100 --> 01:15:24,100
Uh...
1440
01:15:25,400 --> 01:15:27,700
She breaks my heart
again and again...
1441
01:15:27,735 --> 01:15:29,200
but, uh...
1442
01:15:30,500 --> 01:15:32,200
But I love her.
1443
01:16:32,800 --> 01:16:36,300
I've wanted you like this
for all these years.
1444
01:17:19,400 --> 01:17:20,500
Hey.
1445
01:17:20,600 --> 01:17:23,900
Hi. Ha ha.
Where are you going?
1446
01:17:23,935 --> 01:17:25,900
I have rehearsal.
1447
01:17:27,600 --> 01:17:30,900
At 8:24 in the morning?
1448
01:17:30,935 --> 01:17:32,700
Yeah. Ha ha.
1449
01:17:37,900 --> 01:17:39,765
-So... that's it?
-No.
1450
01:17:39,800 --> 01:17:42,100
No, that's not...
It's not it.
1451
01:17:42,135 --> 01:17:44,400
I just... I, uh...
I have to go.
1452
01:18:01,300 --> 01:18:05,900
Got a party mama,
got a cokehead dad
1453
01:18:09,600 --> 01:18:15,100
I'm the ultimate inversion,
the American man
1454
01:18:18,000 --> 01:18:23,000
Don't feel good,
but don't feel bad
1455
01:18:24,000 --> 01:18:27,500
It's me, you see, I'm nuthin'
1456
01:18:33,000 --> 01:18:35,400
I ain't left, I ain't right
1457
01:18:35,500 --> 01:18:37,065
I feel so alone
1458
01:18:37,100 --> 01:18:41,200
Before I was born,
I was all gone
1459
01:18:41,300 --> 01:18:44,900
Don't even make sense
that I wrote this song
1460
01:18:45,000 --> 01:18:46,265
'Cause...
1461
01:18:46,300 --> 01:18:48,700
Tell me it's not true.
1462
01:18:48,800 --> 01:18:52,000
TROY, SINGING:
It's me, you see, I'm nuthin'
1463
01:18:53,500 --> 01:18:56,000
I'm nuthin'
1464
01:18:58,200 --> 01:19:00,100
Nuthin'
1465
01:19:01,200 --> 01:19:02,700
That's me
1466
01:19:04,900 --> 01:19:07,000
I'm nuthin'
1467
01:19:13,400 --> 01:19:18,500
Lainie, sex is the quickest way
to ruin a friendship.
1468
01:19:18,535 --> 01:19:19,800
Come on.
1469
01:19:24,000 --> 01:19:26,250
Thank you.
We'll be right back...
1470
01:19:26,285 --> 01:19:28,500
with a new American cheese
snack idea.
1471
01:19:30,500 --> 01:19:32,900
You got a phone call.
1472
01:19:36,000 --> 01:19:37,200
Lelaina.
1473
01:19:37,235 --> 01:19:38,300
-Hi.
-Hi.
1474
01:19:38,400 --> 01:19:39,665
Don't say anything, all right?
1475
01:19:39,700 --> 01:19:41,965
Look, I screwed up, all right?
I know.
1476
01:19:42,000 --> 01:19:44,500
I should have protected
you and your work...
1477
01:19:44,535 --> 01:19:45,967
and I didn't,
and I'm sorry.
1478
01:19:46,002 --> 01:19:47,400
I'm so sorry that I didn't.
1479
01:19:47,500 --> 01:19:49,600
And I want to make this
up to you, OK?
1480
01:19:49,700 --> 01:19:51,500
You mean so much
to me, Lelaina...
1481
01:19:51,600 --> 01:19:53,200
and I just...
1482
01:19:53,300 --> 01:19:55,250
Look, two tickets,
all right, New York.
1483
01:19:55,285 --> 01:19:57,092
We go, and we give them
a presentation...
1484
01:19:57,127 --> 01:19:58,900
of the show
the way you want it done.
1485
01:19:58,935 --> 01:20:00,100
Michael, I don't...
1486
01:20:00,200 --> 01:20:02,000
I know. I know,
but this time is different.
1487
01:20:02,100 --> 01:20:05,000
I mean, who's the boss, huh?
Huh? Tony Danza? No.
1488
01:20:05,100 --> 01:20:06,600
I don't think so.
It's you.
1489
01:20:06,700 --> 01:20:07,800
It's your show,
and I just...
1490
01:20:10,500 --> 01:20:13,000
I just... you know,
feel like maybe...
1491
01:20:13,100 --> 01:20:15,600
I deserve another shot here.
1492
01:20:20,600 --> 01:20:22,100
Well, hi, Lelaina.
1493
01:20:22,135 --> 01:20:23,565
Hi.
1494
01:20:23,600 --> 01:20:25,100
What, is there a frog
in your throat...
1495
01:20:25,135 --> 01:20:26,600
or are you just glad
to see me?
1496
01:20:26,700 --> 01:20:28,600
Hi, Mike. Thanks
for coming down, man.
1497
01:20:28,635 --> 01:20:30,200
No hard feelings.
1498
01:20:38,000 --> 01:20:39,800
Lelaina, you're looking
a little peaked.
1499
01:20:41,100 --> 01:20:42,365
Yeah. Are you OK?
1500
01:20:42,400 --> 01:20:44,065
She's fine.
She's fine.
1501
01:20:44,100 --> 01:20:45,700
She's just had
too many Diet Cokes today.
1502
01:20:45,800 --> 01:20:48,200
Yeah, this girl
is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
1503
01:20:48,300 --> 01:20:49,600
Ha.
1504
01:20:51,300 --> 01:20:53,600
So, are you gonna
tell him, or am I?
1505
01:21:05,100 --> 01:21:09,100
Could you excuse me?
Could I talk to you?
1506
01:21:15,100 --> 01:21:16,400
Hi.
1507
01:21:19,900 --> 01:21:22,100
You want to tell me what
the hell he's doing here?
1508
01:21:22,135 --> 01:21:24,200
I wanted to talk to you.
1509
01:21:24,300 --> 01:21:26,065
What the hell do you care?
1510
01:21:26,100 --> 01:21:28,100
You totally bailed on me
this morning.
1511
01:21:28,135 --> 01:21:29,600
I panicked. It happens.
1512
01:21:29,700 --> 01:21:32,100
I thought we could
work it out, you know.
1513
01:21:32,200 --> 01:21:35,900
I mean, I don't know if now
is the right time for us.
1514
01:21:35,935 --> 01:21:39,600
Look, I meant everything
that I said to you last night.
1515
01:21:39,700 --> 01:21:41,065
Don't look at me like that.
1516
01:21:41,100 --> 01:21:43,600
Don't look at me like that.
That's not what I'm saying.
1517
01:21:43,635 --> 01:21:46,100
I'm not saying I...
1518
01:21:46,200 --> 01:21:48,765
Look, you are the only woman...
1519
01:21:48,800 --> 01:21:50,600
that I could ever
commit myself to.
1520
01:21:50,700 --> 01:21:53,100
So what?
Do I get a medal?
1521
01:21:53,200 --> 01:21:56,200
I win the big commitment
cook-off, and you just run away?
1522
01:21:56,300 --> 01:21:59,100
I knew this was gonna happen!
I knew this was gonna happen!
1523
01:21:59,200 --> 01:22:01,200
I don't want to lose you.
1524
01:22:01,300 --> 01:22:04,800
I've never been in an experience
like this before.
1525
01:22:06,200 --> 01:22:09,900
I've never had sex with somebody
that I loved before.
1526
01:22:11,300 --> 01:22:13,765
Oh, well, congratulations,
Troy Dyer.
1527
01:22:13,800 --> 01:22:16,100
Welcome to the world
of the emotionally immature.
1528
01:22:16,135 --> 01:22:18,265
It's a really nice place
to visit.
1529
01:22:18,300 --> 01:22:20,565
Hey, you may run into Michael.
He lives here.
1530
01:22:20,600 --> 01:22:22,700
Oh, yeah, right. Michael.
Michael. He's so mature...
1531
01:22:22,735 --> 01:22:25,017
because he lets you navigate
that entire relationship.
1532
01:22:25,052 --> 01:22:27,300
Well, I'm sorry, Lelaina,
but you can't navigate me.
1533
01:22:27,335 --> 01:22:29,317
I might do mean things,
and I might hurt you...
1534
01:22:29,352 --> 01:22:31,300
and I might run away
without your permission...
1535
01:22:31,335 --> 01:22:32,765
and you might hate me forever.
1536
01:22:32,800 --> 01:22:34,950
And I know that that scares
the shit out of you...
1537
01:22:34,985 --> 01:22:37,100
because I'm the only
real thing that you have.
1538
01:22:38,800 --> 01:22:42,300
Yeah? Well, that ain't
real much.
1539
01:22:42,335 --> 01:22:44,800
One, two, three, four.
1540
01:22:46,300 --> 01:22:48,000
Hey, Troy, man, you're on.
1541
01:22:57,800 --> 01:22:59,165
Michael, I'm sorry...
1542
01:22:59,200 --> 01:23:01,100
Listen, I'm sorry, all right?
That's what this is all about.
1543
01:23:02,300 --> 01:23:03,700
This one's for you, Lainie.
1544
01:23:18,300 --> 01:23:20,300
Why can't I get just one kiss?
1545
01:23:20,400 --> 01:23:22,365
Why can't I get just one kiss?
1546
01:23:22,400 --> 01:23:24,500
You told me there'd be some
things that I wouldn't miss
1547
01:23:24,535 --> 01:23:26,000
But I looked at your pants
1548
01:23:26,035 --> 01:23:27,200
And I need a kiss
1549
01:23:27,300 --> 01:23:29,250
Why can't I get just one screw?
1550
01:23:29,285 --> 01:23:31,200
Why can't I get just one screw?
1551
01:23:31,400 --> 01:23:33,765
Believe me, I'd know
what to do
1552
01:23:33,800 --> 01:23:35,700
But something won't let me
make love to you
1553
01:23:35,735 --> 01:23:38,300
Why can't I get just one ah?
1554
01:23:38,400 --> 01:23:40,500
Why can't I get just one ah?
1555
01:23:54,900 --> 01:23:56,900
Oh, nice job. Very well done.
Really good.
1556
01:23:56,935 --> 01:23:59,365
I don't want to hear it
from you.
1557
01:23:59,400 --> 01:24:02,400
Yeah? Well, I forgot I'm not
qualified to talk to you.
1558
01:24:02,435 --> 01:24:04,265
I'm sorry I can't be Mister...
1559
01:24:04,300 --> 01:24:06,900
Hey, look at me.
I'm Buddha on the mountaintop.
1560
01:24:07,000 --> 01:24:09,400
You know what you are, man?
You what what you remind me of?
1561
01:24:09,435 --> 01:24:12,365
You're like that guy,
you know, with the...
1562
01:24:12,400 --> 01:24:14,900
with the hat and the bells
and the little, you know...
1563
01:24:14,935 --> 01:24:16,200
The court jester.
1564
01:24:16,300 --> 01:24:18,400
Yeah, right. Where everything's
so easy to laugh at...
1565
01:24:18,435 --> 01:24:21,400
from a safe distance
back in Clever-Clever Land.
1566
01:24:21,435 --> 01:24:24,065
You know what happens to him?
1567
01:24:24,100 --> 01:24:26,400
They find his skull in a grave,
and they go...
1568
01:24:26,435 --> 01:24:29,700
"Oh, I knew him,
and he was funny. "
1569
01:24:29,800 --> 01:24:33,900
And the guy, the court jester,
dies all by himself.
1570
01:24:35,400 --> 01:24:37,600
Where'd you hear that,
a Renaissance festival?
1571
01:24:42,900 --> 01:24:45,600
Besides, everyone dies
all by himself.
1572
01:24:53,500 --> 01:24:55,400
If you really believe that...
1573
01:24:57,000 --> 01:24:59,700
Who are you looking for
out here?
1574
01:25:19,300 --> 01:25:25,200
SINGING:
You say you want
1575
01:25:25,300 --> 01:25:30,100
Diamonds on a ring of gold
1576
01:25:30,135 --> 01:25:35,265
You say you want
1577
01:25:35,300 --> 01:25:40,350
Your story to remain untold
1578
01:25:40,385 --> 01:25:45,400
But all the promises we make
1579
01:25:45,500 --> 01:25:50,800
From the cradle to the grave
1580
01:25:50,835 --> 01:25:58,800
When all I want is you
1581
01:26:06,200 --> 01:26:11,765
You say you'll give me
1582
01:26:11,800 --> 01:26:16,650
A highway with no one on it
1583
01:26:16,685 --> 01:26:21,642
Treasure just to look upon it
1584
01:26:21,677 --> 01:26:26,600
All the riches in the night
1585
01:26:26,635 --> 01:26:32,600
You say you'll give me
1586
01:26:32,800 --> 01:26:37,700
Eyes in a moon of blindness
1587
01:26:37,735 --> 01:26:42,117
A river in a time of dryness
1588
01:26:42,152 --> 01:26:46,500
A harbour in the tempest
1589
01:26:46,600 --> 01:26:52,400
But all the promises we make
1590
01:26:52,500 --> 01:26:58,100
From the cradle to the grave
1591
01:26:58,135 --> 01:27:05,000
When all I want is you
1592
01:27:31,800 --> 01:27:32,900
Hello.
1593
01:27:34,500 --> 01:27:35,965
Hello?
1594
01:27:36,000 --> 01:27:43,500
SINGING:
All I want is you
1595
01:27:43,535 --> 01:27:48,767
All I want is you
1596
01:27:48,802 --> 01:27:54,000
All I want is you...
1597
01:28:17,200 --> 01:28:20,100
-Hey, Lainie. This is Lance.
-Hi.
1598
01:28:20,200 --> 01:28:24,100
Um... I just need to know
if he's OK.
1599
01:28:24,200 --> 01:28:25,700
Huh?
1600
01:28:27,200 --> 01:28:31,100
OK. All I know is
he went back to Chicago...
1601
01:28:31,200 --> 01:28:32,700
alone.
1602
01:28:35,200 --> 01:28:38,200
I'm not supposed
to know that, am I?
1603
01:29:02,800 --> 01:29:04,200
Shit.
1604
01:29:24,400 --> 01:29:26,200
Shit.
1605
01:29:34,200 --> 01:29:35,900
Hi.
1606
01:29:36,100 --> 01:29:39,200
I was wondering if I could talk
to you for a minute...
1607
01:29:39,235 --> 01:29:40,700
before you go.
1608
01:29:45,700 --> 01:29:50,300
See, the thing is that, um...
1609
01:29:53,800 --> 01:29:55,765
Well...
1610
01:29:55,800 --> 01:29:57,765
my dad died.
1611
01:29:57,800 --> 01:29:59,600
Oh, god, Troy. I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
1612
01:29:59,800 --> 01:30:01,500
No. It...
1613
01:30:03,000 --> 01:30:06,265
What happened was that, um...
1614
01:30:06,300 --> 01:30:12,300
I kind of got this arcane
glimpse at the universe.
1615
01:30:12,400 --> 01:30:16,800
And the best thing
that I can say about that is...
1616
01:30:23,400 --> 01:30:25,400
I don't know. I...
1617
01:30:29,900 --> 01:30:34,400
I have this...
this planet of regret...
1618
01:30:34,435 --> 01:30:36,400
sitting on my shoulders.
1619
01:30:38,400 --> 01:30:43,400
And you have no idea how much
I wish that I could go back...
1620
01:30:43,435 --> 01:30:46,200
to that morning
after we made love...
1621
01:30:46,235 --> 01:30:49,000
and do everything different.
1622
01:30:50,400 --> 01:30:53,600
But I know that I can't, so...
1623
01:30:54,900 --> 01:30:58,400
I thought that I would come here
and tell you something.
1624
01:30:59,900 --> 01:31:02,900
And what I wanted to tell you...
1625
01:31:02,935 --> 01:31:04,865
was that I love you...
1626
01:31:04,900 --> 01:31:09,000
and, uh... just wanted to
make sure that that was clear...
1627
01:31:09,035 --> 01:31:11,500
so that there wasn't
any confusion.
1628
01:31:17,400 --> 01:31:18,900
Um...
1629
01:31:19,900 --> 01:31:22,900
So, anyway, uh...
1630
01:31:24,400 --> 01:31:26,065
Where are you going?
1631
01:31:26,100 --> 01:31:29,500
I was going to look for you.
1632
01:31:31,000 --> 01:31:32,500
What for?
1633
01:31:36,000 --> 01:31:41,100
Just... wanted to see
if you were OK.
1634
01:31:47,600 --> 01:31:50,900
Well, I had
a shitty week, you know.
1635
01:32:29,300 --> 01:32:32,200
A froggy went
a-courting, and he did ride
1636
01:32:32,300 --> 01:32:36,600
With a sword and a pistol
by his side
1637
01:32:36,635 --> 01:32:41,600
Uh-huh, uh-huh, mmm-hmm-hmm
1638
01:32:43,100 --> 01:32:46,100
Well, he rode right up
to Miss Mousie's door...
1639
01:32:49,100 --> 01:32:50,565
TROY ON ANSWERING MACHINE:
At the beep...
1640
01:32:50,600 --> 01:32:52,600
please leave your name, number,
and a brief justification...
1641
01:32:52,635 --> 01:32:54,065
for the ontological necessity...
1642
01:32:54,100 --> 01:32:56,100
of modern man's
existential dilemma...
1643
01:32:56,135 --> 01:32:58,565
and we'll get back to you.
1644
01:32:58,600 --> 01:33:00,400
Uh, Lelaina,
this is your dad.
1645
01:33:00,500 --> 01:33:02,350
Give me a call
when you get this.
1646
01:33:02,385 --> 01:33:04,165
I need you to explain something.
1647
01:33:04,200 --> 01:33:07,100
I just got a nine-hundred-dollar
bill on my gas card.
1648
01:33:09,600 --> 01:33:16,000
If we should fall,
love will catch us every time
1649
01:33:16,100 --> 01:33:19,700
I hear you call,
I will run
1650
01:33:21,300 --> 01:33:26,700
And if the magic
of the adventure overcomes
1651
01:33:26,800 --> 01:33:30,700
We won't cry,
because it could be fun
1652
01:33:30,800 --> 01:33:32,700
What I'm trying to do is
constantly find those people...
1653
01:33:32,800 --> 01:33:35,600
find out what makes them
the best and bring that...
1654
01:33:35,800 --> 01:33:37,100
Tired of getting razzes
for being bald?
1655
01:33:37,300 --> 01:33:38,600
I'm only a young man.
1656
01:33:38,800 --> 01:33:40,800
No more dates
where I've been called old man.
1657
01:33:45,800 --> 01:33:48,400
Roy, why are you
doing this to me?
1658
01:33:48,500 --> 01:33:49,965
I know we can be happy together.
1659
01:33:50,000 --> 01:33:52,850
You'll chill in time.
Right now, I need someone...
1660
01:33:52,885 --> 01:33:55,700
who understands what my music
and the band mean to me.
1661
01:33:55,735 --> 01:33:57,900
But it's just music, Roy.
1662
01:33:58,000 --> 01:34:00,800
I'm a human being
with deep feelings...
1663
01:34:00,835 --> 01:34:03,900
who feels things deeply.
1664
01:34:04,000 --> 01:34:06,265
Music is feeling, babe.
1665
01:34:06,300 --> 01:34:08,800
The band may be a small dream,
but it's the only one I've got.
1666
01:34:08,835 --> 01:34:10,800
I'm Audi 5000.
1667
01:34:13,600 --> 01:34:16,300
Please don't let him
get drunk and drive.
1668
01:34:16,335 --> 01:34:19,167
SINGING:
Won't be very long
1669
01:34:19,202 --> 01:34:22,000
Till I'm going, going, gone
1670
01:34:35,300 --> 01:34:37,300
You say
1671
01:34:38,300 --> 01:34:41,300
I only hear what I want to
1672
01:34:47,000 --> 01:34:49,300
You say
1673
01:34:50,500 --> 01:34:53,300
I talk so all the time
1674
01:34:53,400 --> 01:34:54,800
So?
1675
01:34:58,800 --> 01:35:01,700
And I thought
what I felt was simple
1676
01:35:01,735 --> 01:35:04,600
And I thought
that I don't belong
1677
01:35:04,635 --> 01:35:07,565
And now that I am leaving
1678
01:35:07,600 --> 01:35:09,900
Now I know
that I did something wrong
1679
01:35:10,000 --> 01:35:11,600
'Cause I missed you
1680
01:35:13,800 --> 01:35:18,000
Yeah, yeah, I missed you
1681
01:35:23,000 --> 01:35:25,100
And you say
1682
01:35:26,500 --> 01:35:28,465
I only hear what I want to
1683
01:35:28,500 --> 01:35:31,000
I don't listen hard,
I don't pay attention
1684
01:35:31,035 --> 01:35:32,600
To the distance
that you're running
1685
01:35:32,700 --> 01:35:34,265
Or to anyone, anywhere
1686
01:35:34,300 --> 01:35:37,100
I don't understand
if you really care
1687
01:35:37,200 --> 01:35:41,000
I'm only hearing negative,
no, no, no, no
1688
01:35:41,035 --> 01:35:42,965
No...
1689
01:35:43,000 --> 01:35:46,500
So I turned the radio on,
I turned the radio up
1690
01:35:46,535 --> 01:35:48,965
And this woman
was singing my song
1691
01:35:49,000 --> 01:35:52,250
The lover's in love,
and the other's run away
1692
01:35:52,285 --> 01:35:54,942
The lover is crying
'cause the other won't stay
1693
01:35:54,977 --> 01:35:57,600
Some of us hover
when we weep for the other
1694
01:35:57,700 --> 01:36:00,700
Who was dying since
the day they were born, well
1695
01:36:00,735 --> 01:36:03,700
Well, this is not that,
I think that I'm throwing
1696
01:36:03,735 --> 01:36:06,965
But I'm thrown
1697
01:36:07,000 --> 01:36:09,500
And I thought I'd live forever,
but now I'm not so sure
1698
01:36:09,535 --> 01:36:11,500
You try to tell me
that I'm clever
1699
01:36:11,535 --> 01:36:13,700
But that won't take me anyhow
1700
01:36:13,735 --> 01:36:17,500
Or anywhere with you
1701
01:36:19,500 --> 01:36:22,500
You said that I was naive and
1702
01:36:22,535 --> 01:36:25,465
I thought
that I was strong, no
1703
01:36:25,500 --> 01:36:28,500
I thought, hey, I can leave,
I can leave, though
1704
01:36:28,600 --> 01:36:30,500
But now I know
that I was wrong
1705
01:36:30,600 --> 01:36:32,500
Because I missed you
1706
01:36:34,700 --> 01:36:39,200
Yeah, I missed you126330
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