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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:06,204 I will transfer you to the Department of Answered Prayers. 2 00:00:06,206 --> 00:00:07,740 Impossibles go all the way to the top. 3 00:00:07,742 --> 00:00:10,074 And so, if anyone can handle them, he can. 4 00:00:10,076 --> 00:00:12,877 I decided to blow up Earth. I guess that's it. 5 00:00:12,879 --> 00:00:15,880 If I answer one of these "Impossible" prayers, 6 00:00:15,882 --> 00:00:17,081 you spare Earth. 7 00:00:17,083 --> 00:00:18,483 It's a bet. 8 00:00:18,485 --> 00:00:20,218 I really like this girl. 9 00:00:20,220 --> 00:00:22,887 Okay, love prayers never work. 10 00:00:22,889 --> 00:00:24,022 But related prayer. 11 00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:26,191 I really like this guy. 12 00:00:26,961 --> 00:00:28,893 Okay. This could work. 13 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:36,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 14 00:00:39,173 --> 00:00:41,640 Rosie, if anyone comes looking for me, 15 00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:44,042 tell them I'm in a meeting. 16 00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,844 With God! 17 00:00:47,782 --> 00:00:51,049 Religion... Stupid, dangerous, pointless. 18 00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,250 Just everything up. 19 00:00:52,252 --> 00:00:53,718 Hey, I got all your missed calls. 20 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,520 - What's the emergency? - Love you, Bill! 21 00:00:55,522 --> 00:00:57,722 Have you heard of this guy Bill Maher? 22 00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:59,858 The talk-show guy? Yeah. 23 00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:01,126 Do you think he's funny? 24 00:01:01,128 --> 00:01:02,394 'Cause I've been watching his stuff, 25 00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:04,196 and I don't know about these jokes. 26 00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:06,198 You mean the jokes about you? No. 27 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,000 - I don't care about that. - I mean. 28 00:01:08,002 --> 00:01:11,269 No, I just... I just don't... I don't think he's funny. 29 00:01:11,271 --> 00:01:13,005 So, what do you want to do? 30 00:01:13,007 --> 00:01:16,541 Well, I mean, I wasn't thinking about "doing" anything. 31 00:01:16,543 --> 00:01:19,277 I'm just... But now that you bring it up, 32 00:01:19,279 --> 00:01:21,279 what's that thing that where we can... 33 00:01:21,281 --> 00:01:23,148 you know... Kill him? 34 00:01:23,150 --> 00:01:24,749 Whoa! Sanj! 35 00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:27,419 Did you just drop the "K" bomb? Wow! 36 00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:30,288 Wouldn't want to get on your bad side, Ice Man. 37 00:01:31,358 --> 00:01:32,557 Ai-ai! Whoo!! 38 00:01:32,559 --> 00:01:33,826 Ooh! Freezer burn. 39 00:01:35,295 --> 00:01:36,628 But, yeah, kill him. 40 00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:38,697 Okay. Well, the good news is, 41 00:01:38,699 --> 00:01:40,565 Bill Maher's already scheduled to die 42 00:01:40,567 --> 00:01:43,168 along with everyone else, when the Earth explodes in 13 days. 43 00:01:43,170 --> 00:01:45,103 You know what's funny, is that, 44 00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:49,241 you know how sometimes, like, a day can feel so long? 45 00:01:49,243 --> 00:01:50,909 Okay, I'll go find a way to kill him. 46 00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:53,111 Ice Man. 47 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,779 I love you, buddy. 48 00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:56,114 Okay. 49 00:02:28,014 --> 00:02:29,548 Okay. 50 00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:31,149 If we're gonna get these humans kissing, 51 00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,551 we need to know more about them. Right. 52 00:02:32,553 --> 00:02:34,887 First up, we have Laura. 24 years old. 53 00:02:34,889 --> 00:02:38,957 Works at an escape room called "Solitary Confunment." 54 00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:41,293 Listen up, ya jailbirds. 55 00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:44,296 A couple of ground rules, see? 56 00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:46,364 Don't touch the actors, see? 57 00:02:46,366 --> 00:02:49,902 And if you're looking for some clues, just ask the... 58 00:02:49,904 --> 00:02:51,436 warden. 59 00:02:51,438 --> 00:02:52,637 End clip. 60 00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:54,506 What about Sam? What's his deal? 61 00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,308 So, Sam is also 24 years old. 62 00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:57,842 He was born with extra teeth, 63 00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:59,912 and he seems to really love his grandmother. 64 00:02:59,914 --> 00:03:01,646 Yahtzee! 65 00:03:03,984 --> 00:03:06,318 This might be harder than we thought. 66 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:08,921 Well, look, neither of them are particularly socially adept. 67 00:03:08,923 --> 00:03:11,723 But I ran a compatibility check, 68 00:03:11,725 --> 00:03:14,859 and they scored a 98%. 69 00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:17,662 Whoa! They have so much in common. 70 00:03:17,664 --> 00:03:19,531 They both pretend to text in elevators 71 00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:21,199 in order to avoid potential small talk. 72 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:22,734 They were both accidentally omitted 73 00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:24,136 from their high-school yearbook. Dang. 74 00:03:24,138 --> 00:03:25,938 They laugh at the same insurance commercial, 75 00:03:25,940 --> 00:03:27,740 they cry at the same car commercial, 76 00:03:27,742 --> 00:03:31,276 and they sing along incorrectly to the same dumb commercial. 77 00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:36,214 Ooh, they both love gye-ros with extra green onions. 78 00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:37,816 I think it's pronounced "jai-ros" but yes, 79 00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:39,578 and they both have matching pollen allergies. 80 00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:42,287 No wonder they want to be together. 81 00:03:42,289 --> 00:03:44,356 Unfortunately, they are both so shy 82 00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:46,424 that they haven't actually communicated 83 00:03:46,426 --> 00:03:48,160 since the night they met. 84 00:03:48,162 --> 00:03:50,162 What are they waiting for? 85 00:03:50,164 --> 00:03:51,964 A sign. 86 00:03:51,966 --> 00:03:54,232 Cool. How does it work? 87 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:58,637 We send them subtle clues to gently influence their actions. 88 00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:00,639 Yeah! 89 00:04:00,641 --> 00:04:02,240 Now, on the night they met, they had 90 00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:05,710 a fascinating conversation about the game of badminton. 91 00:04:05,712 --> 00:04:07,312 Let's have a listen. 92 00:04:07,314 --> 00:04:09,714 So, I hit the badminton thing with the badminton racket, 93 00:04:09,716 --> 00:04:12,116 and I was like, "Badminton's fun. 94 00:04:12,118 --> 00:04:14,186 I think I like badminton." 95 00:04:14,188 --> 00:04:16,321 Wow. I-I've never played badminton, 96 00:04:16,323 --> 00:04:17,389 but I really want to now. 97 00:04:17,391 --> 00:04:19,124 - You should! - End clip. 98 00:04:19,126 --> 00:04:20,725 They spoke of badminton. 99 00:04:20,727 --> 00:04:23,395 Thus, if we remind them of badminton, 100 00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:25,397 they will see it as a sign... 101 00:04:25,399 --> 00:04:27,466 A call to arms. 102 00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:29,802 Each other's arms, as it were. 103 00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:32,537 Yeah. I mean, I don't know. 104 00:04:32,539 --> 00:04:35,207 The game begins. 105 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:43,682 So, I found some build-up in Bill Maher's left ventricle. 106 00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:45,150 Looks like all we have to do is thicken it up, 107 00:04:45,152 --> 00:04:47,619 and he'll have a massive heart attack by end of day. 108 00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:50,022 Wow, that's great, Sanjay! 109 00:04:50,024 --> 00:04:52,157 So we could explode his heart... 110 00:04:52,159 --> 00:04:53,492 or his lungs... 111 00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:55,027 or his penis. 112 00:04:55,029 --> 00:04:56,294 Explode his penis? 113 00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,363 Whoa, Sanjay! 114 00:04:58,365 --> 00:04:59,698 Now, that's an idea! 115 00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:01,433 No. I don't know if, that's... Rosie! 116 00:05:01,435 --> 00:05:03,168 Something that... 117 00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:04,903 Wow, you're not gonna believe this. 118 00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:08,773 Sanjay, tell Rosie your idea about Bill Maher. 119 00:05:08,775 --> 00:05:11,776 About his penis. 120 00:05:11,778 --> 00:05:17,182 I guess... my idea... 121 00:05:17,184 --> 00:05:19,718 is to explode his penis. 122 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:22,587 Wow. I know. 123 00:05:22,589 --> 00:05:25,123 Ice Man is on the warpath. 124 00:05:25,125 --> 00:05:27,359 Better go handle that. 125 00:05:29,263 --> 00:05:32,531 So, I guess, we should probably get started. 126 00:05:32,533 --> 00:05:35,267 No. This is all you. 127 00:05:35,269 --> 00:05:37,602 This is insane! 128 00:05:37,604 --> 00:05:39,538 I'm an executive. 129 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,208 Have fun! 130 00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:45,277 Gust. Gust. 131 00:05:45,279 --> 00:05:48,480 Breeze. Zephyr. 132 00:05:48,482 --> 00:05:51,149 Quarter-breeze. Updraft. 133 00:05:51,151 --> 00:05:53,017 Yes! Boo-yah! 134 00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:55,554 In a mere six hours, I've successfully blown 135 00:05:55,556 --> 00:05:57,822 a badminton birdie from a rooftop court 136 00:05:57,824 --> 00:06:00,425 all the way to Laura's living room. 137 00:06:00,427 --> 00:06:02,861 That is what I call a sign. 138 00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:07,232 What is that? 139 00:06:07,234 --> 00:06:09,434 It's a mustard packet. It's a little treat. 140 00:06:09,436 --> 00:06:11,570 You do something good, you get a little reward. 141 00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:13,572 Here. Have one. 142 00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:15,640 Hello. Look. It's happening. 143 00:06:22,116 --> 00:06:24,983 Okay. Onto the next sign. 144 00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:26,919 Craig, okay, I've been doing research, 145 00:06:26,921 --> 00:06:29,721 and it seems like people never pick up on signs. 146 00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:32,324 Okay? No matter how obvious they are. Look. 147 00:06:32,326 --> 00:06:33,792 Ooh! 148 00:06:33,794 --> 00:06:36,595 'Tis a crow-y day, indeed. 149 00:06:36,597 --> 00:06:39,331 Well, time for the theater. 150 00:06:39,333 --> 00:06:40,865 This will be a normal night. 151 00:06:40,867 --> 00:06:43,802 See? This badminton thing is not gonna work. 152 00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:45,738 We need to be bolder. 153 00:06:45,740 --> 00:06:47,005 What? 154 00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:48,807 Eliza? 155 00:06:48,809 --> 00:06:50,943 Out of my way, black cat. 156 00:06:50,945 --> 00:06:53,679 I'm late for my fun play. 157 00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:17,503 Hey, colleagues! 158 00:07:17,505 --> 00:07:21,106 I'm Sanjay from upstairs. 159 00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:24,176 Love what you guys do down here. Thanks. 160 00:07:24,178 --> 00:07:26,378 Um, we... we hardly ever get acknowledged, so... 161 00:07:26,380 --> 00:07:28,914 Listen, I'm gonna need you to explode Bill Maher's penis. 162 00:07:28,916 --> 00:07:31,049 What? It's important. 163 00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:33,585 Um, sir, I-I think there's been a misunderstanding 164 00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:35,053 about what we do here in Genitals. 165 00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:36,588 Our powers are extremely limited. 166 00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:39,057 We mainly just try to enforce puberty. 167 00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:40,726 Well, I need this dick exploded. 168 00:07:40,728 --> 00:07:44,530 So I guess you better get to it? 169 00:07:44,532 --> 00:07:47,533 Thaaaaanks, guys. 170 00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:49,000 Okay. 171 00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:50,836 Do you guys know how to... 172 00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:54,272 Ha! I figured it out. 173 00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:56,007 We can get Sam and Laura together. 174 00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:58,744 We just need to engineer... a Chance Encounter. 175 00:07:58,746 --> 00:08:00,946 No. Those are very risky. 176 00:08:00,948 --> 00:08:02,147 Check it out. 177 00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:04,149 They both live near the same hospital, 178 00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:06,552 so all we need to do is get them there at the same time. 179 00:08:06,554 --> 00:08:08,353 Step one... injure Laura. 180 00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:11,489 I found a melon near an open window along her route to work. 181 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:13,691 We blow it off, it clonks her on the head, 182 00:08:13,693 --> 00:08:15,293 and she goes straight to the ER. 183 00:08:15,295 --> 00:08:18,830 With Sam, I figure we just pop his appendix. 184 00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,165 They spot each other in the ER, 185 00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:24,236 sparks fly, they kiss. 186 00:08:24,238 --> 00:08:26,438 World saved. 187 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:28,774 Okay. It's very... It's... I don't... 188 00:08:28,776 --> 00:08:30,108 I don't know, though. Um... 189 00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:31,777 Don't worry. Appendixes are easy. 190 00:08:31,779 --> 00:08:33,579 Look, there's even a button for it. 191 00:08:33,581 --> 00:08:34,913 You've seen that. 192 00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:36,582 Um... I know. 193 00:08:36,584 --> 00:08:39,117 This is not the kind of stuff you usually do, 194 00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:41,253 and it's a little, you know... 195 00:08:41,255 --> 00:08:43,054 It's outside of your comfort zone, 196 00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:44,790 and I get why you're scared. 197 00:08:44,792 --> 00:08:46,724 No. No. I'm not scared. 198 00:08:46,726 --> 00:08:47,993 You're not? No. 199 00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:50,662 I'm a bold, intrepid man with a strong mind. 200 00:08:50,664 --> 00:08:51,663 I'm a risk taker. 201 00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:54,600 I'm a big, bad boy. 202 00:08:54,602 --> 00:08:57,403 So that's a yes to the plan? 203 00:08:57,405 --> 00:08:58,536 Yes. 204 00:08:58,538 --> 00:08:59,537 Yes? Yes. 205 00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,206 Yes! Yeah. 206 00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:03,408 Yes. Okay. 207 00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:06,678 I hope these lovebirds like hospital food. 208 00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:11,883 Jean-Claude, I'd be lost without you. 209 00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,551 Don't neglect the heel cap. 210 00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:14,953 You know what they say. 211 00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:16,221 It's not the clothes that make the man. 212 00:09:16,223 --> 00:09:17,889 It's the man who makes the... 213 00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,157 Aren't you meant to be off dealing with that penis? 214 00:09:19,159 --> 00:09:21,093 Yeah. I put someone on that. 215 00:09:21,095 --> 00:09:23,829 Part of being an executive is knowing when to delegate. 216 00:09:23,831 --> 00:09:25,897 Sanjay! Get in here! 217 00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,066 You don't have to come. 218 00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:30,702 Look at this! Bill Maher, 219 00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:32,438 or should we say "Bill More," 220 00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:34,306 was feeling cocky as he dragged 221 00:09:34,308 --> 00:09:37,242 more than one hot dog down the street. 222 00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:38,576 His dick grew! 223 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,778 We asked the anti-religious provocateur 224 00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:43,381 how he felt about his blessing, and the funnyman quipped, 225 00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:46,184 "God is as fake as my dick is huge." 226 00:09:46,186 --> 00:09:48,186 Happy birthday to Bill Maher! 227 00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:49,788 Come on! I don't know what happened! 228 00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:51,123 I'll tell you what happened. 229 00:09:51,125 --> 00:09:52,658 You messed up, man! 230 00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:54,126 I thought you could handle this. 231 00:09:54,128 --> 00:09:56,362 You're supposed to be an executive. 232 00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:03,135 Stick around for more girthy gossip right after the break. 233 00:10:03,137 --> 00:10:04,470 All right. 234 00:10:04,472 --> 00:10:07,072 Melon is in position. 235 00:10:07,074 --> 00:10:09,607 All we gotta do now is hit this button, 236 00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:11,076 and bonk! We're in business. 237 00:10:11,078 --> 00:10:13,211 Laura approaching. 238 00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:15,280 All right. Let's do this. 239 00:10:17,817 --> 00:10:18,950 No! Wait! 240 00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,153 Um, we... We don't have enough power 241 00:10:21,155 --> 00:10:23,155 to execute this sequence. What? 242 00:10:23,157 --> 00:10:26,758 We need to increase the voltage to the valve coil, 243 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:28,360 which is sort of down there a bit. 244 00:10:28,362 --> 00:10:29,227 Okay. 245 00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:30,562 Yeah. Yeah. Okay, thank you. 246 00:10:30,564 --> 00:10:31,963 Dream team. Whoo-hoo, yes. 247 00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:50,648 I couldn't find a breaker box or anything resembling a... 248 00:10:51,852 --> 00:10:53,318 What the. 249 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,987 What happened? No! 250 00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,322 Did it fall early?! 251 00:10:57,324 --> 00:10:59,791 What a disappointment for both of us. 252 00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:03,729 So, I had an idea for a sign 253 00:11:03,731 --> 00:11:05,864 involving their matching pollen allergies. 254 00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:07,733 Did you do this? 255 00:11:09,603 --> 00:11:11,269 Yes! Yes, yes! Why? 256 00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:12,738 Because I... If I can be extremely blunt, 257 00:11:12,740 --> 00:11:16,274 I just thought that your plan was maybe possibly... 258 00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:17,409 Stupid. My plan was stupid. 259 00:11:17,411 --> 00:11:18,544 No. Is that what you're saying? 260 00:11:18,546 --> 00:11:20,078 No, no, no, no, no. 261 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:21,679 It's... It's just that, yesterday, you... 262 00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,749 You did cause that typhoon, 263 00:11:23,751 --> 00:11:26,017 which unfortunately killed many people, and then, 264 00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,553 after that, you convinced God to blow up the Earth, 265 00:11:27,555 --> 00:11:31,623 so I just think that a little bit of caution is advisable. 266 00:11:31,625 --> 00:11:34,626 You're not cautious, Craig. 267 00:11:34,628 --> 00:11:35,894 You're a coward. 268 00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:41,367 Shit. My melon. 269 00:11:41,369 --> 00:11:43,168 There goes our fruit salad. 270 00:11:43,170 --> 00:11:45,137 Barbara's gonna be furious. 271 00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:56,548 Good. There you are. 272 00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:58,083 Um... 273 00:11:58,085 --> 00:12:01,019 can we go back downstairs where it's not as dangerous 274 00:12:01,021 --> 00:12:04,156 and there's not ledges to stand near? 275 00:12:04,158 --> 00:12:05,957 Right you are. 276 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,964 I'm very sorry that I broke the melon. 277 00:12:12,966 --> 00:12:14,632 It's fine. 278 00:12:14,634 --> 00:12:18,236 I was just trying to help, but, as usual, 279 00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:19,637 I made things worse. 280 00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:22,574 Eliza, you're down on yourself, and I get it. 281 00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:24,710 If the world explodes, then you will go down 282 00:12:24,712 --> 00:12:26,311 as history's greatest murderer. 283 00:12:26,313 --> 00:12:28,113 Nobody wants that. From now on, 284 00:12:28,115 --> 00:12:30,716 I am just going to stay out of the way. 285 00:12:30,718 --> 00:12:31,850 No. Please no. 286 00:12:31,852 --> 00:12:34,652 I need you in the way. Why? 287 00:12:34,654 --> 00:12:36,321 Because you were right about me. 288 00:12:36,323 --> 00:12:37,723 Right? I am not brave. 289 00:12:37,725 --> 00:12:40,058 Not even slightly. But you are. 290 00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:41,193 And... And that... That's... 291 00:12:41,195 --> 00:12:43,261 That's what Earth needs right now. 292 00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:46,031 And I certainly can't do this without you. 293 00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,602 Also, I've been thinking about it, and you were right. 294 00:12:50,604 --> 00:12:53,271 A Chance Encounter really might work. 295 00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:56,674 We just have to refine the execution a bit. 296 00:12:56,676 --> 00:12:58,009 How? 297 00:12:58,011 --> 00:13:00,145 Well, I don't know yet, but I was kind of hoping 298 00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:01,947 we could figure that out together. 299 00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:08,820 Okay. 300 00:13:08,822 --> 00:13:10,155 Okay. Downstairs? 301 00:13:10,157 --> 00:13:11,423 Yes. Thank you, 302 00:13:11,425 --> 00:13:13,425 thank you. 303 00:13:19,033 --> 00:13:20,632 What the shit?! 304 00:13:20,634 --> 00:13:22,434 I-I-I can explain. 305 00:13:22,436 --> 00:13:25,437 We pumped Bill Maher's glands full of hormones in hopes 306 00:13:25,439 --> 00:13:28,640 that his penis would expand and then pop like a balloon, 307 00:13:28,642 --> 00:13:31,843 and everything was going smoothly, but then... 308 00:13:31,845 --> 00:13:33,511 What?! 309 00:13:33,513 --> 00:13:35,914 As Bill's penis became larger, 310 00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:38,716 it grew more... more beautiful. 311 00:13:38,718 --> 00:13:41,186 At a certain point, we realized it would be immoral for us 312 00:13:41,188 --> 00:13:42,854 to destroy something so perfect. 313 00:13:42,856 --> 00:13:44,189 I don't care. 314 00:13:44,191 --> 00:13:45,657 This is coming from the top! 315 00:13:45,659 --> 00:13:48,326 Just blow it up! 316 00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:51,729 With respect, we refuse. 317 00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:53,799 This isn't the Department of Anuses. 318 00:13:53,801 --> 00:13:55,467 We have integrity. 319 00:13:55,469 --> 00:13:56,735 Okay, fine! 320 00:13:56,737 --> 00:13:59,204 I'll do it myself! 321 00:13:59,206 --> 00:14:01,340 Pump-O-Tron activated. 322 00:14:03,744 --> 00:14:05,543 Why isn't this working? 323 00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:07,613 You have to put your eyes up to the eye hole, 324 00:14:07,615 --> 00:14:10,749 and, stare at the penis when you pump. 325 00:14:10,751 --> 00:14:12,684 Why? 326 00:14:12,686 --> 00:14:14,453 I don't... 327 00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:18,824 How many pumps is this gonna take? 328 00:14:18,826 --> 00:14:20,426 50,000. 329 00:14:20,428 --> 00:14:23,495 50,000? 330 00:14:23,497 --> 00:14:26,031 Yeah. 50,000. 331 00:14:30,237 --> 00:14:31,637 1. 332 00:14:31,639 --> 00:14:33,439 2. 333 00:14:33,441 --> 00:14:35,507 Okay, here's our target... Bob's Hummus House. 334 00:14:35,509 --> 00:14:37,709 It's perfect... Halfway between Sam 335 00:14:37,711 --> 00:14:40,646 and Laura's apartments. And, most importantly, it serves their favorite food. 336 00:14:40,648 --> 00:14:42,247 Gyros. 337 00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:43,649 Let's get them there. 338 00:14:43,651 --> 00:14:46,452 First step... cut off their food supply. 339 00:14:46,454 --> 00:14:49,120 Dang. 340 00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:50,188 Laura's a little trickier. 341 00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:51,723 She never has any food in the house. 342 00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:52,924 Always orders in. 343 00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:55,393 Lucky for us, there's a simple fix. 344 00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:58,263 We blow up the satellite for her cellphone provider. 345 00:15:01,669 --> 00:15:03,001 Dang. 346 00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:06,004 Nice work. Now to lure them in. 347 00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:19,485 Gye-ro. 348 00:15:22,956 --> 00:15:24,390 Jai-ros. 349 00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:29,828 30 seconds to contact. 350 00:15:29,830 --> 00:15:31,229 Wait. Why is Sam stopping? 351 00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:33,165 Ooh, pizza. 352 00:15:33,167 --> 00:15:34,366 No, no, no. What? 353 00:15:34,368 --> 00:15:35,701 No, I've scanned the route three times. 354 00:15:35,703 --> 00:15:37,635 Every place Sam likes should be closed by now. 355 00:15:37,637 --> 00:15:39,771 No, something's happening at Pizza Bongiorno. 356 00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:42,374 If you're just joining us, comedian Bill Maher 357 00:15:42,376 --> 00:15:45,511 is dead after a tragic and confusing incident 358 00:15:45,513 --> 00:15:48,580 that has shaken the world of comedy and medicine. 359 00:15:48,582 --> 00:15:50,382 We have to close that shop. Now. 360 00:15:50,384 --> 00:15:52,584 Maher's family has announced that the funeral 361 00:15:52,586 --> 00:15:54,786 will "definitely be closed casket." 362 00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:57,189 Aaaah! 363 00:15:59,193 --> 00:16:00,392 I did it. 364 00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:03,795 It's done. 365 00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:06,998 Look. Look, he's turning back around. 366 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:08,200 Yes! 367 00:16:08,202 --> 00:16:10,001 Awesome work. We're back on track. 368 00:16:10,003 --> 00:16:11,136 Thank you, and this pizza gentleman 369 00:16:11,138 --> 00:16:12,337 is gonna live, right? 370 00:16:12,339 --> 00:16:14,406 We are back on track. 371 00:16:20,948 --> 00:16:22,147 No! They're gonna miss each other! 372 00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:23,215 What do we do now? 373 00:16:23,217 --> 00:16:25,184 I've got an idea. 374 00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:32,024 Matching pollen allergies. 375 00:16:32,026 --> 00:16:33,559 You're good. 376 00:16:33,561 --> 00:16:35,561 Gesundheit. 377 00:16:35,563 --> 00:16:36,962 Sam? 378 00:16:36,964 --> 00:16:38,630 Laura? 379 00:16:38,632 --> 00:16:40,599 Wow. 380 00:16:42,169 --> 00:16:44,236 Now what? 381 00:16:44,238 --> 00:16:47,439 Now we just sit back and watch the sparks fly. 382 00:16:55,249 --> 00:16:57,382 Remember the bathroom line at the party? 383 00:16:57,384 --> 00:16:59,251 Yeah, yeah. 384 00:16:59,253 --> 00:17:01,186 It was long. 385 00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:03,255 No. 386 00:17:03,257 --> 00:17:04,590 - Not like here. - Nope. 387 00:17:04,592 --> 00:17:08,594 There's... There's no bathroom line. 388 00:17:08,596 --> 00:17:10,262 Nope. 389 00:17:10,264 --> 00:17:12,598 I can't watch this. It's really hard to watch. 390 00:17:17,605 --> 00:17:20,272 Can I maybe get your number? Do you want to hang out sometime? 391 00:17:20,274 --> 00:17:21,673 Yes. 392 00:17:21,675 --> 00:17:22,474 What?! Yes! 393 00:17:22,476 --> 00:17:23,409 Yes! Go on! 394 00:17:23,411 --> 00:17:24,876 Yes! Never in doubt! 395 00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:26,744 Yes! Yeah! Yes! 396 00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:28,346 Yes! 397 00:17:28,348 --> 00:17:29,414 - Go! - Yes! 398 00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:31,617 Go, Sam and Laura. 399 00:17:31,619 --> 00:17:34,419 Thank you. Help yourself to one of these. No. 400 00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:35,621 I'm gonna put you in your phone. 401 00:17:35,623 --> 00:17:37,289 My... Your... 402 00:17:37,291 --> 00:17:39,325 I'm gonna put my name as "Sam." Sam. Yeah. 403 00:17:46,199 --> 00:17:48,299 All right, Sanjay! 404 00:17:48,301 --> 00:17:50,435 I hope you're proud. You look proud. 405 00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:52,637 Tell you what, I'm proud of you. Wow. 406 00:17:52,639 --> 00:17:56,041 I mean, I know how much you hated Bill Maher. 407 00:17:56,043 --> 00:17:57,976 How much he hurt you. 408 00:17:57,978 --> 00:17:59,978 And it would've been so easy for you 409 00:17:59,980 --> 00:18:02,647 to just keep taking the hits, night after night, 410 00:18:02,649 --> 00:18:04,249 special after special. 411 00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:05,650 But you stuck to your guns, 412 00:18:05,652 --> 00:18:09,521 and that's why you are one heck of an executive. 413 00:18:09,523 --> 00:18:12,391 Thanks, God. 414 00:18:12,393 --> 00:18:13,859 All right. 415 00:18:13,861 --> 00:18:16,327 I hope you're hungry for some gumbo. 416 00:18:16,329 --> 00:18:17,529 What? 417 00:18:17,531 --> 00:18:18,531 Aah! 418 00:18:19,266 --> 00:18:20,732 For Lazy Susan's! 419 00:18:20,734 --> 00:18:22,534 I bet you thought I forget about our restaurant. 420 00:18:22,536 --> 00:18:24,870 Now, don't worry. I am still all in, 421 00:18:24,872 --> 00:18:26,805 fully committed to our dream. 422 00:18:26,807 --> 00:18:30,942 Now, I need you to taste-test all of these gumbos immediately. 423 00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:33,945 They range from very thick to almost solid. 424 00:18:33,947 --> 00:18:37,082 Can Rosie taste some of the gumbos? I'm allergic. 425 00:18:37,084 --> 00:18:39,751 Well, that's more for you. 426 00:18:39,753 --> 00:18:43,154 Love you, buddy. I love you. 427 00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:47,158 And let me know if you find my tweezers. 428 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:48,827 Okay. 429 00:18:48,829 --> 00:18:50,161 No, no, no, no. 430 00:18:50,163 --> 00:18:52,697 Rosie, Rosie. Rosie, this is ridiculous. 431 00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:54,499 Okay, I'm not even hungry. 432 00:18:54,501 --> 00:18:56,568 I ate a full lunch. 433 00:18:56,570 --> 00:18:57,836 My arms are in a sling. 434 00:18:57,838 --> 00:19:00,039 I've got to come at this mouth-first?! 435 00:19:00,041 --> 00:19:01,506 This is crazy! 436 00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:03,308 I'm an executive! 437 00:19:03,310 --> 00:19:06,778 Good morning, good morning. How's it going? 438 00:19:06,780 --> 00:19:07,913 She's already texting him. 439 00:19:07,915 --> 00:19:09,448 Nice. 440 00:19:09,450 --> 00:19:10,749 Thanks. 441 00:19:18,459 --> 00:19:21,126 I am so sorry. 442 00:19:21,128 --> 00:19:23,462 No, don't... 443 00:19:25,466 --> 00:19:27,532 worry about it. 444 00:19:27,534 --> 00:19:29,200 Who's this guy? 445 00:19:29,202 --> 00:19:30,535 I don't know. 446 00:19:30,537 --> 00:19:33,072 You know, it's funny. I... 447 00:19:33,074 --> 00:19:35,006 I ran in here to get out of the rain. 448 00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:40,479 And once we started talking, the rain stopped. 449 00:19:40,481 --> 00:19:43,414 Maybe it's a sign. 450 00:19:43,416 --> 00:19:44,483 Maybe. 451 00:19:44,485 --> 00:19:46,485 Not a sign. Not a sign. No. No. How? 452 00:19:46,487 --> 00:19:48,988 How would that be a sign?! No, it's not! It's not a sign! 453 00:19:50,691 --> 00:19:52,824 Pizza-shop owner and philanthropist 454 00:19:52,826 --> 00:19:55,294 Vincent Alfonsi is fighting for his life tonight 455 00:19:55,296 --> 00:19:57,028 after his appendix ruptured, 456 00:19:57,030 --> 00:20:01,032 leaving him stranded for hours inside his darkened pizzeria. 457 00:20:01,034 --> 00:20:03,234 Alfonsi, known for the Thanksgiving pies 458 00:20:03,236 --> 00:20:06,305 that he distributes personally to the city's neediest children, 459 00:20:06,307 --> 00:20:08,440 will never walk again. 460 00:20:08,442 --> 00:20:10,241 In my 20 years as a journalist, 461 00:20:10,243 --> 00:20:13,312 I've never seen such a beloved community fixture suffer 462 00:20:13,314 --> 00:20:15,514 so randomly and horribly. 463 00:20:15,516 --> 00:20:18,049 It makes one question everything. 464 00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:19,250 Sports is next. 464 00:20:20,305 --> 00:20:26,845 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 32137

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