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1
00:00:01,224 --> 00:00:04,146
? The night is right ?
2
00:00:04,171 --> 00:00:07,255
? For making love ?
3
00:00:08,142 --> 00:00:10,559
? To you. ?
4
00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:14,262
Old Spice, my secret weapon.
5
00:00:17,234 --> 00:00:18,138
Oh-ho-ho.
6
00:00:18,163 --> 00:00:20,163
She's a lucky lady.
7
00:00:20,737 --> 00:00:25,232
Andi, prepare yourself for
some good old-fashioned...
8
00:00:25,257 --> 00:00:26,423
Teddy.
9
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:31,204
Surprise, he's in our bed again.
10
00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:33,407
I see that and I love it.
11
00:00:33,459 --> 00:00:35,826
But, uh...
12
00:00:35,878 --> 00:00:38,245
buddy, you've been sleeping
in here for two weeks.
13
00:00:38,297 --> 00:00:40,297
Made your own little
dent in the mattress.
14
00:00:41,417 --> 00:00:43,750
Well, he can't sleep on his own
15
00:00:43,752 --> 00:00:46,837
because somebody let him
watch Nightmare on Elm Street.
16
00:00:48,140 --> 00:00:49,729
Okay, look, I know we talked about this,
17
00:00:49,753 --> 00:00:51,141
but I am still not convinced
18
00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:52,809
that's why he can't sleep by himself.
19
00:00:52,845 --> 00:00:54,594
Hmm.
20
00:00:54,646 --> 00:00:56,396
What else could have
happened two weeks ago
21
00:00:56,432 --> 00:00:58,098
to scare the bejesus out of Teddy?
22
00:00:59,485 --> 00:01:02,822
I switched to two percent
milk, that's pretty spooky.
23
00:01:03,989 --> 00:01:05,405
No, it was the movie.
24
00:01:05,441 --> 00:01:07,908
- Okay.
- Honey, don't worry about it.
25
00:01:07,943 --> 00:01:09,753
Go get your pillow.
26
00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:14,281
I estimate we have 30 seconds, okay?
27
00:01:14,333 --> 00:01:16,166
Unless he brushes his teeth.
28
00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:17,201
Ted-Teddy!
29
00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:19,084
Brush your teeth!
30
00:01:19,136 --> 00:01:20,970
Okay, we have 35 seconds.
31
00:01:21,005 --> 00:01:22,338
It's not a race.
32
00:01:22,390 --> 00:01:24,512
Well, it can be. It's been two weeks!
33
00:01:24,537 --> 00:01:25,920
Okay, listen.
34
00:01:26,093 --> 00:01:28,005
No, no, no, listen, listen.
35
00:01:28,030 --> 00:01:29,942
I said he was too young for that movie
36
00:01:29,990 --> 00:01:31,457
but you went rogue.
37
00:01:31,482 --> 00:01:32,564
Yeah.
38
00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:34,683
You made your bed and now
39
00:01:34,735 --> 00:01:36,652
we all get to lie in it.
40
00:01:37,421 --> 00:01:39,171
With Teddy.
41
00:01:39,523 --> 00:01:42,274
Wait, wait, wait, we
still have ten seconds.
42
00:01:42,326 --> 00:01:43,826
We can make this happen.
43
00:01:43,861 --> 00:01:45,982
If you follow my
instructions very carefully...
44
00:01:49,332 --> 00:01:52,049
What a waste of Old Spice.
45
00:01:59,818 --> 00:02:03,345
What is wrong with this... bag?
46
00:02:03,381 --> 00:02:05,498
Why won't it open?
47
00:02:06,350 --> 00:02:08,434
Why don't bags open anymore?
48
00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:11,699
This bag is broken.
49
00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:13,806
Adam.
50
00:02:16,777 --> 00:02:18,811
You seem troubled.
51
00:02:19,535 --> 00:02:22,781
I'm fine, it's... it's private.
52
00:02:22,817 --> 00:02:24,984
Yeah, stay out of the man's business.
53
00:02:25,036 --> 00:02:28,070
He hasn't made love
to his wife in 15 days.
54
00:02:28,290 --> 00:02:30,906
That's not true. How do you know that?
55
00:02:30,908 --> 00:02:32,574
Marcy told me.
56
00:02:32,576 --> 00:02:35,577
After we made love.
57
00:02:37,298 --> 00:02:40,249
We have a heck of a streak going.
58
00:02:40,399 --> 00:02:43,733
And I'll tell you, the
sky looks a little bluer.
59
00:02:44,755 --> 00:02:46,722
Well, since it's public information...
60
00:02:46,757 --> 00:02:49,378
I let Teddy watch a scary movie
61
00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:51,760
and he's been in our bed ever since.
62
00:02:51,812 --> 00:02:54,730
Now I'm starring in my own
horror movie and it's rated G.
63
00:02:56,593 --> 00:02:58,267
I haven't had intimate relations
64
00:02:58,269 --> 00:02:59,858
since Jen and I split up.
65
00:02:59,883 --> 00:03:01,772
But I'm not complaining,
I have new interests.
66
00:03:01,797 --> 00:03:04,158
I'm learning Mandarin.
67
00:03:04,183 --> 00:03:06,350
That means, "I'm lonely."
68
00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:12,899
Let's just keep our bedroom
problems to ourselves, okay?
69
00:03:12,924 --> 00:03:16,201
I don't need anyone else
knowing my private business.
70
00:03:16,253 --> 00:03:18,837
Your mother tells me
you're in a slump, son.
71
00:03:21,625 --> 00:03:23,007
Mom knows?
72
00:03:23,032 --> 00:03:25,260
Well, my guess is you're
overthinking things.
73
00:03:25,296 --> 00:03:26,512
Just relax, boy.
74
00:03:26,547 --> 00:03:28,593
See the ball, hit the ball.
75
00:03:30,217 --> 00:03:32,301
It's not a slump. It's a drought.
76
00:03:32,303 --> 00:03:34,636
My swing is just fine.
77
00:03:34,688 --> 00:03:37,629
You say "tomato," I say
you're not getting any.
78
00:03:41,479 --> 00:03:44,166
Look, the problem's not me and Andi.
79
00:03:44,191 --> 00:03:47,282
It's all the little
people that live with us.
80
00:03:47,814 --> 00:03:49,535
One of life's cruel jokes:
81
00:03:49,570 --> 00:03:51,370
the more kids you have,
the less time there is
82
00:03:51,405 --> 00:03:53,372
to do the thing that makes kids.
83
00:03:54,575 --> 00:03:56,780
Well, you know what you should do?
84
00:03:56,805 --> 00:03:58,160
Take Andi to a hotel.
85
00:03:58,212 --> 00:04:00,045
No kids, a little romance.
86
00:04:00,081 --> 00:04:01,747
That's actually a great idea.
87
00:04:01,799 --> 00:04:03,215
Andi loves hotels.
88
00:04:03,250 --> 00:04:05,228
It reminds her of our
honeymoon, when she was already
89
00:04:05,252 --> 00:04:07,136
in a good mood, 'cause she got me.
90
00:04:07,171 --> 00:04:09,632
- Hey, Dad, can you watch the kids?
- Sure.
91
00:04:09,657 --> 00:04:12,091
I love having my little
beer grabbers around.
92
00:04:14,906 --> 00:04:17,890
How come you never ask me
or Marcy to watch the kids?
93
00:04:18,234 --> 00:04:19,515
Where are your keys right now?
94
00:04:21,402 --> 00:04:22,935
That's why.
95
00:04:23,919 --> 00:04:25,437
Come on, I'm serious.
96
00:04:25,489 --> 00:04:26,738
You never even consider us.
97
00:04:26,774 --> 00:04:28,112
I love those kids.
98
00:04:28,137 --> 00:04:30,587
Well, that's nice to hear, Don.
99
00:04:31,060 --> 00:04:33,326
And since Dad just called
them "little beer grabbers,"
100
00:04:33,351 --> 00:04:34,746
I guess you win.
101
00:04:35,985 --> 00:04:37,235
That's all right.
102
00:04:37,260 --> 00:04:40,108
I still have your mother,
the original beer grabber.
103
00:04:42,726 --> 00:04:47,126
How would you like to be whisked... away
104
00:04:47,178 --> 00:04:49,878
by your loving husband to a hotel room
105
00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:53,062
complete with... a loving husband?
106
00:04:53,934 --> 00:04:56,468
- You're so sweet.
- Hmm? Yeah.
107
00:04:56,493 --> 00:04:59,551
- But we can't.
- What? Why?
108
00:04:59,576 --> 00:05:01,085
Well, hotels cost money.
109
00:05:01,110 --> 00:05:03,811
Until we sell that flip house,
we are carrying two mortgages.
110
00:05:03,836 --> 00:05:05,310
I already thought of that.
111
00:05:05,362 --> 00:05:08,063
I have a gift card.
112
00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:10,899
Don't worry, baby.
113
00:05:10,901 --> 00:05:12,951
- I won't spend a dime on you.
- Aw.
114
00:05:14,989 --> 00:05:17,706
Wait, this is the hotel
that gave us a free night
115
00:05:17,741 --> 00:05:18,991
'cause they had bedbugs.
116
00:05:19,043 --> 00:05:20,292
Mm.
117
00:05:20,327 --> 00:05:21,793
You saw one,
118
00:05:21,829 --> 00:05:23,242
and freaked out and
the next thing I knew,
119
00:05:23,266 --> 00:05:24,808
you were in the glass elevator naked,
120
00:05:24,832 --> 00:05:26,244
riding down to the lobby.
121
00:05:27,811 --> 00:05:30,028
I had my underwear.
122
00:05:30,829 --> 00:05:32,744
In your hand.
123
00:05:33,474 --> 00:05:35,424
And I apologized to that wedding.
124
00:05:36,546 --> 00:05:38,341
But the hotel just reopened,
125
00:05:38,366 --> 00:05:39,608
so it'll never be cleaner.
126
00:05:39,633 --> 00:05:41,016
Just like when a restaurant reopens
127
00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,526
after a rat problem... ooh.
128
00:05:42,551 --> 00:05:45,352
By the way, I have a
gift card for dinner, too.
129
00:05:56,273 --> 00:05:58,833
So, your dad and I have
to go away for a night.
130
00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:00,057
Oh, what for?
131
00:06:00,109 --> 00:06:02,559
We got to take care
of a little business.
132
00:06:03,646 --> 00:06:04,862
What kind of business?
133
00:06:04,897 --> 00:06:06,897
None of your business business.
134
00:06:07,426 --> 00:06:09,567
So, you, Teddy and Emme
are gonna be staying
135
00:06:09,619 --> 00:06:10,868
with Uncle Don and Aunt Marcy.
136
00:06:11,251 --> 00:06:12,953
Or...
137
00:06:12,989 --> 00:06:14,288
I think I'm old enough now
138
00:06:14,323 --> 00:06:16,624
to stay home by myself for one night.
139
00:06:16,659 --> 00:06:17,908
What do you say?
140
00:06:18,226 --> 00:06:19,642
- Okay.
- No.
141
00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:22,496
Pantry.
142
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:26,500
Okay.
143
00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:28,469
We are not leaving
Katie here by herself;
144
00:06:28,504 --> 00:06:29,699
she can't be trusted.
145
00:06:29,724 --> 00:06:31,472
She's got our DNA.
146
00:06:31,507 --> 00:06:34,892
Our beer-chugging,
mechanical bull-riding DNA.
147
00:06:35,410 --> 00:06:37,989
She gets good grades, she's responsible,
148
00:06:38,014 --> 00:06:39,597
she's a good girl.
149
00:06:39,682 --> 00:06:42,099
We had a golden retriever
growing up that was a good girl.
150
00:06:42,151 --> 00:06:44,249
You know what she did every
time we left her alone?
151
00:06:44,274 --> 00:06:45,747
Jumped the fence and got pregnant.
152
00:06:46,249 --> 00:06:49,023
She's having a tough
time at school, all right?
153
00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:50,491
Her best friend moved away.
154
00:06:50,526 --> 00:06:52,776
She hasn't found a
new social circle yet.
155
00:06:52,778 --> 00:06:55,412
Look, she wants this; let's
just do something nice for her.
156
00:06:55,448 --> 00:06:58,833
We give her food and
clothes every single day.
157
00:06:59,866 --> 00:07:03,249
All right, let me ask you
this: what do you want more?
158
00:07:03,274 --> 00:07:06,624
To win this Kate thing, or hotel sex?
159
00:07:06,626 --> 00:07:10,143
I vote for hotel sex. I'm
a single-issue voter, okay?
160
00:07:10,168 --> 00:07:12,713
Katie, great news.
161
00:07:13,903 --> 00:07:15,744
Okay, so Teddy and Emme
are at Uncle Don's...
162
00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:17,196
Okay, everyone knows where everyone is.
163
00:07:17,220 --> 00:07:18,969
Blow some kisses. No time to waste.
164
00:07:20,255 --> 00:07:21,356
Uh, hey.
165
00:07:21,381 --> 00:07:24,253
Would it be okay if I invited
Shelby and Winslow over?
166
00:07:24,278 --> 00:07:27,194
The two old guys from The Muppets?
167
00:07:28,083 --> 00:07:30,675
No. They're girls from my Spanish class.
168
00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:32,427
But I'm thinking I might
get to know them better
169
00:07:32,451 --> 00:07:33,451
if we hang out.
170
00:07:35,369 --> 00:07:37,621
You-you can hang out tomorrow, okay?
171
00:07:37,657 --> 00:07:39,123
Nobody but you here tonight.
172
00:07:39,158 --> 00:07:40,759
You invite someone over,
they invite more people.
173
00:07:40,783 --> 00:07:44,128
Next thing you know, I got
Burning Man in my living room.
174
00:07:44,318 --> 00:07:46,402
You in the house, just you.
175
00:07:46,427 --> 00:07:48,132
Sitting around, doing nothing.
176
00:07:48,167 --> 00:07:49,967
Have fun. I love you.
177
00:07:52,396 --> 00:07:53,754
Honey,
178
00:07:53,806 --> 00:07:55,222
just between you and me,
179
00:07:55,258 --> 00:07:57,083
go ahead and have those girls over.
180
00:07:57,393 --> 00:07:59,343
- But Dad just said...
- Don't worry about Dad.
181
00:07:59,395 --> 00:08:01,011
He's got other things on his mind.
182
00:08:03,015 --> 00:08:04,648
Come on.
183
00:08:04,684 --> 00:08:07,151
- Would you please come on? I've got ideas.
- Okay.
184
00:08:19,214 --> 00:08:20,698
Howdy, cowboy.
185
00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:23,918
Ooh, Old West prostitute. I like it.
186
00:08:24,399 --> 00:08:26,370
No, no, I'm a pioneer woman.
187
00:08:26,422 --> 00:08:29,757
Yeah, farming the land
to feed our 12 children.
188
00:08:30,203 --> 00:08:31,875
Let's just be ourselves.
189
00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:33,844
It's been 15 days. It'll seem new.
190
00:08:33,879 --> 00:08:36,547
Later, we should raid
those minibar snacks.
191
00:08:36,549 --> 00:08:37,859
They're complimentary.
192
00:08:37,883 --> 00:08:39,516
Well, if we do this thing right,
193
00:08:39,552 --> 00:08:41,769
you won't be awake for minibar snacks.
194
00:08:41,804 --> 00:08:43,387
Mm-hmm.
195
00:08:51,398 --> 00:08:52,697
What is it?
196
00:08:53,649 --> 00:08:55,569
- I started thinking about those bedbugs.
- Oh...
197
00:08:56,319 --> 00:08:58,152
I think this might be the same room
198
00:08:58,204 --> 00:08:59,536
that we had last time.
199
00:08:59,572 --> 00:09:02,282
It's got the same floor
plan: bed, window, TV.
200
00:09:03,103 --> 00:09:05,576
It's a hotel room. They
all have that floor plan.
201
00:09:05,578 --> 00:09:08,128
Right. Right.
202
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:15,302
It-It's like I can feel bugs on me.
203
00:09:16,004 --> 00:09:18,088
Those things drink blood.
204
00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:20,557
And what if one of 'em bites me there?
205
00:09:20,593 --> 00:09:22,309
That's where all the blood will be.
206
00:09:23,661 --> 00:09:25,929
Everything's gonna be fine. All right?
207
00:09:25,931 --> 00:09:29,733
Now, mosey on over here, partner.
208
00:09:31,110 --> 00:09:32,860
Come on.
209
00:09:36,275 --> 00:09:38,692
I-I can't do it, I'm sorry.
210
00:09:39,612 --> 00:09:42,746
Hey, Teddy is at Don and Marcy's.
211
00:09:42,782 --> 00:09:44,665
That means our bed is empty.
212
00:09:44,700 --> 00:09:45,916
Le-Let's just go home.
213
00:09:45,951 --> 00:09:47,084
You want to go home?
214
00:09:47,119 --> 00:09:49,086
I'll make it just like a hotel, okay.
215
00:09:49,121 --> 00:09:50,315
I'll put chocolates on the pillow,
216
00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:53,957
and in the morning, we
can steal our own shampoo.
217
00:09:54,398 --> 00:09:55,626
Okay, yeah, that...
218
00:09:55,628 --> 00:09:58,379
Let me just text Kate
and warn her... tell her
219
00:09:58,431 --> 00:09:59,797
that we're coming home.
220
00:09:59,799 --> 00:10:01,465
Good, good, great. I am out of here.
221
00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:02,683
- Adam.
- Hmm?
222
00:10:02,718 --> 00:10:04,635
Glass elevator.
223
00:10:04,968 --> 00:10:06,718
Right. Pants.
224
00:10:12,842 --> 00:10:15,289
_
225
00:10:15,314 --> 00:10:16,780
My dad's coming. Everybody out!
226
00:10:16,816 --> 00:10:17,898
Go, go! Get out!
227
00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:19,983
Out, out, out, out. Go, go, go, go!
228
00:10:35,217 --> 00:10:36,750
Oh, my...!
229
00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:54,818
Hi.
230
00:10:54,854 --> 00:10:56,737
Hey, Mom.
231
00:10:57,472 --> 00:10:58,962
There's my girl.
232
00:10:58,987 --> 00:11:01,692
All alone, like I knew you would be.
233
00:11:02,198 --> 00:11:04,330
Okay. Hey, Katie, we're very tired,
234
00:11:04,355 --> 00:11:05,841
so we're just gonna
go straight up to bed.
235
00:11:05,865 --> 00:11:07,114
Okay.
236
00:11:09,589 --> 00:11:11,201
I never got my minibar snacks.
237
00:11:15,658 --> 00:11:17,408
This room's taken, bro.
238
00:11:26,144 --> 00:11:30,249
Katie, there were teenagers
canoodling in our pantry.
239
00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:32,941
How did this happen?
240
00:11:32,976 --> 00:11:35,727
It doesn't matter how it happened.
241
00:11:37,574 --> 00:11:39,309
We don't even need to
know what anybody said
242
00:11:39,334 --> 00:11:41,133
that might've led up to it.
243
00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:43,826
I want to know.
244
00:11:43,862 --> 00:11:45,528
She had a party.
245
00:11:45,580 --> 00:11:47,497
The one thing I told her not to do.
246
00:11:47,799 --> 00:11:49,182
It wasn't a party.
247
00:11:49,207 --> 00:11:51,273
Oh, it wasn't a party?
248
00:11:51,298 --> 00:11:52,874
Well, then you won't mind
249
00:11:52,899 --> 00:11:55,399
if I check the trash
outside for evidence, huh?
250
00:11:56,207 --> 00:11:58,929
Huh? This house looks
a little too clean.
251
00:11:58,954 --> 00:12:00,571
I've been living with your
mother for a long time...
252
00:12:00,595 --> 00:12:02,011
Hey.
253
00:12:09,804 --> 00:12:11,637
Wait!
254
00:12:13,112 --> 00:12:16,192
Before you do that, I should tell you.
255
00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:18,611
A neighbor came by...
256
00:12:18,646 --> 00:12:20,487
and he asked if he could
257
00:12:20,512 --> 00:12:23,680
dump his beer cans into our trash.
258
00:12:25,794 --> 00:12:28,321
And... then he said he was moving away
259
00:12:28,373 --> 00:12:30,271
so we'll never see him again.
260
00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:35,378
Oh, Katie.
261
00:12:37,447 --> 00:12:39,664
Oh-ho-ho, Katie.
262
00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:44,220
Okay, fine. There was a party.
263
00:12:44,255 --> 00:12:45,922
But I didn't drink anything.
264
00:12:45,974 --> 00:12:48,174
And I only invited two girls over.
265
00:12:48,226 --> 00:12:50,527
The others heard about it and showed up.
266
00:12:50,552 --> 00:12:53,126
Which is exactly what
I told you would happen
267
00:12:53,151 --> 00:12:56,536
and why I said you
couldn't have anybody over.
268
00:12:59,197 --> 00:13:00,697
You're grounded.
269
00:13:00,849 --> 00:13:02,399
Grounded?
270
00:13:04,032 --> 00:13:05,481
Mom said I could!
271
00:13:09,164 --> 00:13:11,030
What? I...
272
00:13:15,061 --> 00:13:17,262
Oh, Andi.
273
00:13:24,474 --> 00:13:25,523
What's up?
274
00:13:25,903 --> 00:13:27,924
That is an excellent question, Teddy.
275
00:13:27,949 --> 00:13:29,669
What is up?
276
00:13:30,791 --> 00:13:31,824
Teddy's scared.
277
00:13:31,849 --> 00:13:33,348
He wants to sleep in here with us.
278
00:13:33,373 --> 00:13:35,104
But we have a streak.
279
00:13:35,725 --> 00:13:38,026
Well, I guess the streak is over, honey.
280
00:13:39,273 --> 00:13:41,190
Teddy, let's go for a ride.
281
00:13:46,651 --> 00:13:47,817
Hey, munchkins.
282
00:13:47,869 --> 00:13:49,902
What a nice surprise.
283
00:13:50,870 --> 00:13:53,039
I see you, Donny.
284
00:13:53,378 --> 00:13:54,624
You went behind my back
285
00:13:54,659 --> 00:13:56,576
and decided to parent on your own.
286
00:13:56,578 --> 00:13:58,327
You went rogue.
287
00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:00,079
You went rogue, too,
288
00:14:00,131 --> 00:14:02,171
when you let Teddy watch a scary movie.
289
00:14:02,196 --> 00:14:04,083
Wh...
290
00:14:04,617 --> 00:14:07,336
This is completely different.
291
00:14:07,388 --> 00:14:11,184
I explicitly said Katie
couldn't have anybody over.
292
00:14:11,209 --> 00:14:14,815
And I explicitly said that
Teddy shouldn't watch that movie.
293
00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:17,424
Yeah, but I wasn't listening.
294
00:14:19,363 --> 00:14:22,441
Plus, Teddy is the only one in
his class who hadn't seen it.
295
00:14:22,466 --> 00:14:23,300
I was right.
296
00:14:23,325 --> 00:14:25,708
- Well, I think I was right.
- But you were wrong.
297
00:14:26,513 --> 00:14:28,668
I never told Kate to have a party.
298
00:14:28,693 --> 00:14:30,443
I just wanted her to make some friends.
299
00:14:30,495 --> 00:14:33,496
Oh, people were making
friends, all right.
300
00:14:33,531 --> 00:14:36,816
Some teenager was stealing
second base in our pantry!
301
00:14:37,346 --> 00:14:39,511
Where we keep our food.
302
00:14:39,921 --> 00:14:41,837
Contaminated, Andi!
303
00:14:48,546 --> 00:14:49,879
What's that?
304
00:14:50,194 --> 00:14:51,944
I signed Emme up for boxing.
305
00:14:51,969 --> 00:14:54,561
You said no, but since
we're going rogue,
306
00:14:54,586 --> 00:14:55,968
I'm doing it anyway.
307
00:14:56,805 --> 00:14:59,460
- Oh. Fine with me.
- Mm.
308
00:14:59,485 --> 00:15:01,842
I'll sign Teddy up for
rhythmic gymnastics class.
309
00:15:01,867 --> 00:15:03,249
You know that's the Olympic event
310
00:15:03,274 --> 00:15:05,394
where they dance around
twirling the ribbons.
311
00:15:06,048 --> 00:15:07,030
Great.
312
00:15:07,055 --> 00:15:09,949
Then I'll call the gym about Emme. Yeah.
313
00:15:09,984 --> 00:15:12,368
I can't wait to watch her
spit a tooth into a bucket.
314
00:15:13,223 --> 00:15:14,338
Terrific.
315
00:15:14,363 --> 00:15:15,612
Good. Yep.
316
00:15:15,637 --> 00:15:17,703
You have your athlete, I have mine.
317
00:15:17,728 --> 00:15:19,778
See you at the Olympics.
318
00:15:20,378 --> 00:15:23,645
Hey, we just came to drop off the kids.
319
00:15:23,670 --> 00:15:25,203
Why do you have Teddy and Emme?
320
00:15:25,228 --> 00:15:27,967
Uncle Don ding-dong-ditched
us on their porch.
321
00:15:28,002 --> 00:15:31,525
It was awesome. We got
Grandpa, like, four beers.
322
00:15:33,916 --> 00:15:35,391
Did we come at a bad time?
323
00:15:35,777 --> 00:15:37,694
I can always tell when a wife's mad.
324
00:15:38,095 --> 00:15:40,179
If you're fighting, we'll
wait in the driveway.
325
00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:42,862
We-we can hear everything from there.
326
00:15:42,887 --> 00:15:45,401
We're not fighting, we're
having a disagreement.
327
00:15:45,436 --> 00:15:49,605
Oh, doesn't surprise me. We
know all about your drought.
328
00:15:50,016 --> 00:15:52,558
Ma, that's not what this is about.
329
00:15:52,583 --> 00:15:56,682
Your daughter-in-law organized
a teenage orgy in our pantry.
330
00:15:56,998 --> 00:15:58,914
Adam's just mad because I told Kate
331
00:15:58,950 --> 00:16:01,200
it was okay to have friends
over, and a party happened.
332
00:16:01,252 --> 00:16:06,038
Oh, so what? You and Don always
had parties when we left town.
333
00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:07,340
What? No, we didn't.
334
00:16:07,375 --> 00:16:09,779
The hell you didn't!
There were more beers
335
00:16:09,804 --> 00:16:12,429
in the fridge when we got
home than when we left.
336
00:16:12,936 --> 00:16:15,715
That's because this weird neighbor
337
00:16:15,717 --> 00:16:17,600
would sometimes bring beers over
338
00:16:17,635 --> 00:16:20,202
and we would put them
in the fridge for you.
339
00:16:20,561 --> 00:16:22,805
And then he moved away,
so you can't ask him.
340
00:16:22,857 --> 00:16:27,193
Was it Sal? Or Daryl? That
seems like something he would do.
341
00:16:27,228 --> 00:16:29,362
He's making it up, Bev.
342
00:16:29,757 --> 00:16:31,622
The point is, Andi,
343
00:16:31,647 --> 00:16:33,566
we are supposed to parent together,
344
00:16:33,568 --> 00:16:36,318
- and she went rogue.
- He went rogue first.
345
00:16:36,371 --> 00:16:39,205
Well, that's a different
story. Nobody likes that.
346
00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:41,657
I had to lay down the law
with your mother in '79
347
00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:44,032
- when she took you...
- Don't you finish that sentence, Joe.
348
00:16:44,056 --> 00:16:45,088
You took Adam
349
00:16:45,113 --> 00:16:47,508
to get a perm after I told you not to.
350
00:16:47,533 --> 00:16:49,491
You're darn right I did.
351
00:16:49,516 --> 00:16:53,039
Oh, you looked like
one of The Jackson 5.
352
00:16:53,171 --> 00:16:55,609
His hair was so big,
a bird got stuck in it.
353
00:16:55,634 --> 00:16:58,539
Hold on, hold on, I have
an important question.
354
00:16:59,906 --> 00:17:01,310
You had a perm?
355
00:17:01,641 --> 00:17:03,179
No.
356
00:17:03,231 --> 00:17:07,066
Stop talking. This family
talks too much. Goodbye.
357
00:17:07,101 --> 00:17:09,985
He wanted to express
himself, and I supported him.
358
00:17:10,021 --> 00:17:11,437
No father should see his son
359
00:17:11,439 --> 00:17:14,940
under a beauty shop hair dryer
reading Good Housekeeping.
360
00:17:22,356 --> 00:17:24,500
Can't believe a word they say.
361
00:17:25,895 --> 00:17:27,586
Well, it makes me feel better
362
00:17:27,611 --> 00:17:31,142
that we're not the first
parents arguing about this stuff.
363
00:17:31,167 --> 00:17:34,919
It probably goes all the
way back to the Old West.
364
00:17:37,158 --> 00:17:39,040
Ain't that right, Sheriff?
365
00:17:47,275 --> 00:17:49,837
Well, I reckon so.
366
00:17:50,778 --> 00:17:52,278
Madam Prostitute.
367
00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:58,529
I'm a pioneer woman. Sheesh. Let it go.
368
00:17:58,554 --> 00:18:01,954
Fine, fine, fine.
369
00:18:02,418 --> 00:18:04,108
Maybe for our anniversary.
370
00:18:05,351 --> 00:18:08,961
I... I'm sorry for going
behind your back with Teddy.
371
00:18:09,225 --> 00:18:11,559
Me, too, with Kate.
372
00:18:11,584 --> 00:18:14,702
- Going rogue is a bad idea.
- You're right.
373
00:18:14,727 --> 00:18:16,427
So we're not gonna do
that anymore, right?
374
00:18:16,452 --> 00:18:17,832
Right.
375
00:18:24,442 --> 00:18:26,335
Well, there's hundreds of scary movies,
376
00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:28,661
and I'm too afraid to watch them alone.
377
00:18:29,817 --> 00:18:32,420
We'll go case by case.
378
00:18:33,151 --> 00:18:34,592
Fair enough.
379
00:18:35,606 --> 00:18:38,574
Hey, you got any pictures
of you with that perm?
380
00:18:38,609 --> 00:18:40,359
No. No.
381
00:18:40,563 --> 00:18:43,233
No, I burned them all.
382
00:18:43,258 --> 00:18:46,790
That's too bad. You might
get lucky if you did.
383
00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:49,118
I know exactly where one is.
384
00:18:54,008 --> 00:18:55,865
Morning, fellas.
385
00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:01,701
What a day, huh?
386
00:19:04,018 --> 00:19:07,948
Have you ever seen a sky that blue?
387
00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:13,776
Well, somebody sure has cheered up.
388
00:19:13,828 --> 00:19:15,675
Yeah, worked everything out.
389
00:19:15,700 --> 00:19:17,006
Instead of grounding Katie,
390
00:19:17,031 --> 00:19:20,867
her punishment is Teddy
has to sleep in her room.
391
00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:26,539
So in the parents' room, well,
392
00:19:26,541 --> 00:19:28,320
let's just say
393
00:19:28,345 --> 00:19:31,377
there's a new sheriff in town.
394
00:19:32,891 --> 00:19:35,097
Yeah, well, my streak is over.
395
00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:38,267
Marcy said choosing sex
over family is a turnoff.
396
00:19:39,719 --> 00:19:42,141
And then she started listing
all the other things I do
397
00:19:42,166 --> 00:19:44,249
that are turnoffs.
398
00:19:44,525 --> 00:19:46,976
It was a real bad night.
399
00:19:48,453 --> 00:19:50,247
Well, you have my sympathies.
400
00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:53,190
As a single man, I understand
how hard celibacy can be.
401
00:19:53,225 --> 00:19:54,558
Here.
402
00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:55,976
Let me help you with that.
403
00:20:00,950 --> 00:20:02,940
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
404
00:20:02,965 --> 00:20:04,485
Take it easy, buddy.
405
00:20:06,655 --> 00:20:08,953
Some guys just can't handle a drought.
406
00:20:08,977 --> 00:20:11,017
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