All language subtitles for Doktor Dolittle (1967)-english

Will you stop your daydreaming,
Tommy Stubbins?

- Hello, Matt.
- Come and help me select
a suitable dinner...

- for me clients here.
- Can I push the barrow?

Well, it's not gonna
push itself now, is it?

It's against my religion to do anything
violent till the end of the day.

God bless all Irishmen.

You know what I was thinking, Matt?

- No, what was that?
Not for you, me darling.

It'll make your fur fall out.

I was thinking
that if you sold your fish barrow,

and I sold my grandfather's watch,

we could buy a boat and go to China.

Oh. Oh, you're the middle
and two ends of a fine fellow, Tom.

It's a beautiful proposition,
but don't you see the problem?

- What's that?
- Well, do you speak Chinese?

- No.
- Then, if you sell
your grandfather's watch,

and we go to China,

how are you goin' to tell the time?

- I never thought of that.
- Ah, well, you see,
you have to plan ahead.

It's very important.

I mean, the whole secret
of my success with the fish barrow...

was years of planning ahead.

Thank you, Charlie.

May the 17 holy men of Donnybrook
reward you in heaven.

I'd sooner you rewarded me down here.

- Who's this then?
- Wild duck off the marshes.

- Is that a fact?
- Flew straight into the mast,
cross-eyed fool.

Can you imagine that now?
He was probably under the influence.

He looks Irish to me.

Don't worry.
I'll fix him up.

Bring him back.
That's my dinner.

Now don't ask me
to do that, Charlie.

As Secretary for the Preservation
of Irish Ducks,

it's more than me job is worth.

You never told me
you were secretary of Irish ducks.

Oh, well, now I don't
talk about it much.

- I'm a very modest fella.
- What are we going to do with it then?

Well, now, as soon as
I finish me deliveries,

we'll take him over
to John Dolittle.

- Here.
- Who's John Dolittle?

Eat hearty, me lovelies.

- And heaven bless
all Catholic pussycats.
- Who is John Dolittle?

John Dolittle is the greatest
animal doctor in the world today...

and a close personal friend
of Matthew Mugg.

He lives right here
in Puddleby, he does.

- Out on the Oxenthorpe Road.
- What does he do?

He's a genius. That's what he does.
He can talk to animals.

- Talk to them?
- Speaks their language, he does.

Just like you and me's chatting now.

He'll have a word with
that little fellow in wild duck talk...

and put him straight in no time.

Oh, the darlin' man.

He'd think nothin' of travelin' halfway
round the world to cure a sick sparrow.

Only last week,
he went all the way to Africa.

Ask me why.

- Why?
- Why? I'll tell you.

To look after a crocodile
with toothache.

He's altogether a marvelous man.

And he understands the Irish.

And any man who
understands the Irish

Can't be reckoned
altogether bad

The same way
that the lunatic

Whose patron saint
is Patrick

Can't be reckoned
altogether mad

The doctor's very smart

He's an Irishman at heart

His favorite color
Sure it must be green

And also he's a man

Who'll blarney when he can

Let me explain
the sort of thing I mean

My friend the doctor says
the moon is made of apple pie

And once a month
it's eaten by the sun

And that is why
up in the sky

You'll find
as every month goes by

Somebody in the sky
is making another one

My friend the doctor says
the sun is made of cheddar cheese

The doctor even knows
the reason why

The facts are these
Try if you please

Pretending you're a lonely cheese

Wouldn't you want
to try finding an apple pie

Of course you would.

Maybe what the doctor tells me

Isn't altogether true

But I love every tale he tells me

I don't know any better ones
Do you?

My friend the doctor says
the world is full of fantasy

And who are you and I
to disagree

Let's hope and pray
that is the way

The life we love
will always stay

For my friend the doctor

And me

La, la, la, la

Here, Tom, catch!

My friend the doctor says
the stars are made of lemon drops

The bigger ones are
lollipops and ice Come on!

The clouds have shops
up on the top

That sells you sweets
and soda pop

What do they call the place

- Isn't it paradise

My friend the doctor says
that every time it starts to rain

And people run indoors
again in swarms

If you remain out in the rain

You'll think you're drinking
pink champagne

And you'll spend your life
praying for thunderstorms

Maybe what the doctor tells me

Isn't altogether true

But I love every tale
he tells me

I don't know any better ones
Do you?

My friend the doctor says
the world is full of fantasy

And who are you and I
to disagree

Let's hope and pray
that is the way

The life we love will always stay
for my friend the doctor

My friend the doctor and me

What was that?

- Ah, now, that's just some of his pets.
- Pets?

Polynesia,
me lovely little darling.

Give us a kiss then. Here.

And, Chee-Chee,
how are you, me old rascal?

I'd like you to meet one of me
dearest friends. Master Thomas Stubbins.

Tom, this is Miss Polynesia.

How do you do, Master Stubbins?

How do you do, Miss Polynesia?

You wanna watch out for her, Tom.
She's 199 years old.

She can remember every single word
that's been spoken to her...

since the execution
of Charles I in 1648.

- Isn't that right, Polynesia?
- No, Matthew, 'twas 1649.

'Twas a Tuesday.

Oh, yeah, right.
You see what I mean?

And this is Chee-Chee.

- How do you do, Chee-Chee?

- Where's the good doctor?
- He's working in the library.

Show them in, Chee-Chee.

I know he's in there.

Good heavens, Matthew.

Oh, I'm terrible sorry. I must have
frightened them out of their lives.

Matthew, you're soaking wet.

You're a little
on the damp side yourself, sir.

Oh, it's these fish languages.

They really only work underwater.

It's fascinating.

The basic system is
mouth movements and bubble signals.

At the moment,
I can only make big bubbles,

and they keep
telling me I'm shouting.

Beggin' me ignorance, sir,

but what can you hope to get out
of a conversation with a goldfish?

Matthew, I'll show you.

The legendary great pink sea snail.

For hundreds of years, sailors
have claimed that they've seen it.

Oh, poor devils.
It's that rotten stock they drink.

But, uh, what has this
got to do with goldfish?

I don't believe it's legendary.
I believe it actually exists.

What's that got to do
with goldfish?

Well, I'm planning
a voyage to find it.

That is, if I can get
enough money together.

Oh, may the saints
reward you, sir.

But, uh, what's that
got to do with the...

Well, if I find it, Matthew,
I'm going to want to talk to it.

Therefore, I have to acquire
a knowledge of ancient shellfish,

which is extremely complicated.

So, I'm starting
with basic fish languages,

like halibut, mackerel and goldfish.

Ah, there, you see? I knew it
had something to do with goldfish.

Now, about your last voyage, Doctor.

Did, uh, did you find
the crocodile with a toothache?

Crocodile?
Oh, yes, in the Congo, yes.

I got back on Saturday.

- Look.
- Isn't that a beauty now?

Make a marvelous bottle opener.

Look at that, Tom.
Oh, forgive me, Doctor.

- This is me ol' pal, Tommy Stubbins.
- How do you do, sir?

- He's brought a patient for you.
- It's a duck, sir.

- It's a drake.

You're sopping wet too.

- Yes, sir, it's raining.

He's hurt his wing, sir.

- Yes, so he's been telling me.

Oh, quack, quack.
Oh, poor chap, yes.

Sorry.

Quack, quack.

He had a row with his wife
and wasn't looking where he was going.

He told you all that?

They're very neurotic creatures.

You'll be all right by the morning.

Yes, I'll get word to your wife.

Quack, quack, quack.

Now, while our friend's
convalescing,

I'll try and find you
something dry to wear.

Then, we all can have
some food together.

- Polynesia, two more for dinner.
- Yes, Doctor.

Oh, and, Matthew, hold on
to that crocodile's tooth.

Must be a bottle somewhere
you can open with it.

Gub-Gub.

Will you please stop making
that infernal noise?

A few pork sausages
and a bit of bacon.

The way you're carrying on, you'd think
we were cooking your entire family.

Chee-Chee, make him behave.

But you can hardly blame him
for being a bit upset, Doctor.

I'd be upset meself if you
started frying Irishmen.

You know the problem
as well as I do, Matthew.

I've nearly 600 mouths to feed,
including the mice.

- Six hundred!
- Yes. So if the butcher...

gives me a string of sausages
now and then, I take it,

whether it upsets Gub-Gub or not.

Anyway, he eats more
than any of us.

Sure you won't be
having anything?

- Quite sure. Thank you, Matthew.
- Aren't you hungry, Doctor?

Yes, but I follow
a very special diet, Stubbins.

- It's highly nutritious and very good.
- Oh, I see.

The doctor's in rather
an awkward position, you see, Tom.

- Aren't you, Doctor?
- What do you mean, Matt?

You understand, Stubbins,
he means meat.

It upsets the animals
if I, uh...

- Oh, of course.
- So I don't.

As a matter of principle,
one should always try to avoid
eating one's friends.

The day that I became
a veterinarian

I had a sudden
overwhelming wish

To be a pure
and simple vegetarian

And give up eating
all that meat and fish

- I think that's marvelous.
- Meat is very unhealthy for you.

So now I live
on healthy food instead

Like apple cores
and parsnip juice

And chunks of plain
brown bread

All right, all right.
I'm coming.

When I see my fellowman
consuming sirloin steak

And I find myself enjoying
tea and Dundee cake

There is really only
one conclusion I can make

I'm a devoted vegetarian

No, no, no, no,
you've had yours.

When my host at dinner
offers succulent roast beef

Proudly I refuse it
People stare in disbelief

Lost in admiration
as I nibble on a leaf

A very noted vegetarian

I wouldn't even eat horseradish,
in case I upset the horses.

I stay away
from deviled ham on principle

I wouldn't eat roast duckling
if I could

Willpower has made me invincible

My word
Those sausages look good

Where's my dinner gone?

They've done it again.

Come on. Own up. Who's got it
this time? Who's got my dinner?

It's bad enough to have to eat
this muck in the first place.

Just 'cause I eat this
instead of eating them,

they think they can
take advantage of me.

You've no idea what I put up with
on their account.

I eat every flowering shrub
there is except for gorse

Sometimes I get luxuries
like beetroot leaves, of course

My life's much the same
as that of any English horse

Why should I be a vegetarian

Turnip pie and peanuts
That's the sort of filth I eat

Any sort of rubbish
that is wholesome and discreet

Why don't I admit
that my hypocrisy's complete

If I should live
to be a centenarian

Become our most adored
humanitarian

I'll never make
a decent vegetarian

I'm a cheat, I love meat

I'm a cheat, yes, I am

I love red-blooded
juicy chunks of meat

Legs of lamb, sides of beef

And chops and steaks
and veal and pork, of course

- My favorite meal

And then I hear
poor Gub-Gub squeal

Oh, me, oh, my

A reluctant but sincere

Vegetarian

Am I

So, you see, Stubbins,
being an animal doctor has its problems.

For one thing, you don't get paid
anything, at least not in money.

You get bones
or nuts or worms...

or whatever the particular
animal's currency happens to be.

And secondly, most of the animals who
come here as patients like it so much,

they stay here permanently.

It's hardly what you'd call
a profit-making enterprise.

But who looks after
the animals?

They look after themselves,
for the most part.

Animals are much better
at that than human beings.

And how did you become a veteran?

No, Stubbins,
the word is "veterinarian."

But say "animal doctor."
It's less pretentious.

It all happened
rather suddenly, actually.

My entire life changed in one day,
didn't it, Matthew?

It was my sister, Sarah,
who started it all.

Sarah.

Oh!

Did you know that an ant has
more intelligence than a hippopotamus?

And that a grasshopper...
in relation to his size...

has more power in his hind legs
than a kangaroo?

Absolutely fascinating.

There's no doubt about it. Animals
are much more interesting than people.

Good heavens, Sarah.
What on Earth are you doing down there?

There are pigeons
in the linen cupboard.

- Oh, yes, I thought
it would be warmer for them.
- You knew?

Yes, I put them there. It gets
so terribly chilly on the roof at night.

And two tortoises
in the guest room.

That's where they are.
I wondered where they got to.

- And white mice
in your chest of drawers.
- That's right.

And the grass snakes are
in the roll top desk under the envelopes.

Grass snakes?

John Dolittle, if those animals
aren't out of this house by tonight...

Oh, dear!

Nine o'clock precisely.

That will be Lady Petherington.

I wonder what she's found wrong
with herself today.

All right, Sarah.
Show her in, please.

I mean it, John.
I shall leave.

Those animals,
they're destroying your practice.

You won't have
a decent patient left soon.

Not unless you answer the door.

I don't understand the things that go on
around this house with those animals.

And we'll probably never see
the vicar's wife again...

after giving her that glass of milk
with a frog in it.

I really don't know
what you expect me to do.

Oh, good morning,
Lady Petherington.

Are we feeling better today?

We're no better for being left to freeze
to death on Doctor's front doorsteps.

Oh.

Dr. Dolittle,
oh, it's my nerves.

You must do something
for them instantly.

Oh, you'll never guess
what happened.

It's quite the worst
experience of my life.

Uh, won't you come in,
Lady Petherington?

I was giving
this dinner party last night...

up at the Grange
for the Duke of St. Albans.

Fifty guests. The most
embarrassing moment of my entire life.

A mouse ran across the table.

Oh, I thought I'd die.

I may still.
Can you imagine? A mouse.

Do you know who was there, hmm?

Well, of course, everybody.

The humiliation.

Crown Prince Angelicus
of Brandenberg.

He's so well-bred,
he doesn't even know what a mouse is.

Fainted dead away.

I haven't slept all night.

Of course, I discharged
my entire staff,

especially the gardeners.

I'll be struck
from the social directory.

A mouse. Hmph.

- Vicar, what a surprise!
- Bless me.

How is your frog?
I mean, your wife.

Oh, the less said about her the better.
I mean, that incident.

Most unfor... for... for... fortunate.

Bless me.

Miss Dolittle, it's my hay fever.

The Bishop of Glastonbury
is attending my sermon this evening,

- and it's most important,
you understand.
- Of course.

- But my hay... hay...

Oh! Oh! Oh!

But... But... Oh!

- Oh!
- Sir Rupert, I'm so sorry!

Where in the heavens does
that woman think she's going?

- Get out of my way, Vicar!

Oh!

Ow!

Oh!

Oh!

Ow!

Oh, let me out of this madhouse!

- Oh! Oh!
- Sir Rupert, I'm so sorry!

Ow!

John!

Yes, Sarah?

I shall give you just five minutes
to make up your mind.

Either you get rid of every
hideous bird, beast and reptile...

in this ridiculous
menagerie immediately,

- or I am leaving... today!
- But...

- Five minutes.
- Sarah, I can't just...

Oh, yes, you can just.

I don't think five minutes
is very long.

Anybody home?

Oh, come in, Matthew.

Well, l-I didn't know
you was having a party.

What are we celebrating?

You know, Matthew,
today I made a great discovery.

Oh? What was that then?

I'm a terrible doctor.

I'm probably
the worst doctor in the world.

Good for you.
I like a man who knows his worth.

I have absolutely no interest in
the health and welfare of my patients.

I can't begin
to communicate with them.

I don't even want
to communicate with them.

I've come to the conclusion that, with
the possible exception of yourself,

I have nothing in common
with the human race.

You know, the trouble with you,
John Dolittle,

is you prefer animals to people.

But animals are
so much more fun than people.

Then be an animal doctor.

- What was that?
- I said, "Be an animal doctor."

Animal doctor?

You know more about animals
than anybody I've ever met.

I could get every sick animal
within miles to come to you.

Aye, so could I.

At least all the dogs and cats.

All the rich ones, that is.
The Pekes and the poodles.

I could slip a little something
into their meat.

Shh, Matthew.
What do you mean?

I mean, there isn't one good
animal doctor in the west of England.

Farmer Green's cow was saying
only the other day...

she just will not have another calf
until she gets a decent doctor.

You mean, you spoke to her?

At the Animals' Welfare League.

We meet every Wednesday.
She's chair-cow.

You mean, animals actually
talk to one another?

Well, of course, we can.
Do you think we're all dumb?

L... No, no.
I knew parrots could talk.

Parrots are the finest linguists
in the animal kingdom.

I speak over 2,000 languages,
including dodo and unicorn.

- Unicorn?
- I have a classical education.

Polynesia, could I learn
to talk to animals?

I don't see why not.
You're quite intelligent.

Oh, thank you.

If I succeeded, I could become...

the greatest animal doctor
in the world.

Oh, no question.
Mind you, it isn't easy.

I'm the only parrot
in the world...

who actually understands
what she's talking about.

Well, if you can do it,
I don't see why I shouldn't.

I like your attitude.

Why have I never thought
of this before?

Polynesia, I want you
to teach me everything you know.

What, 2,000 languages?

Certainly. We'll start
at 8:00 tomorrow morning.

But it took me
over a hundred years.

Then we'll start at 7:00.
There's not a moment to lose.

Matthew, think
what it would mean...

If I could talk
to the animals

Just imagine it
Chatting to a chimp in chimpanzee

Imagine talking to a tiger
Chatting to a cheetah

What a neat achievement
that would be

If we could talk
to the animals

Learn their languages

Maybe take an animal degree

I'd study elephant and eagle
buffalo and beagle

Alligator, guinea pig and flea

I would converse
in polar bear and python

And I would curse
in fluent kangaroo

If people asked me
Can you speak rhinoceros

I'd say, of course-eros
Can't you

If I conferred
with our furry friends

Man-to-animal
Think of the amazing repartee

If I could walk
with the animals

Talk with the animals

Grunt and squeak and squawk
with the animals

And they could talk to me

If I consulted with quadrupeds

Think what fun we'd have

Asking over crocodiles for tea

Or maybe lunch
with two or three lions

Walruses or sea lions

What a lovely place
the world would be

If I spoke slang to orangutans

The advantages any fool on Earth
could plainly see

Discussing Eastern art and dramas

With intellectual llamas

That's a big step forward
You'll agree

I'd learn to speak
in antelope and turtle

My Pekingese would be
extremely good

If I were asked
to sing in hippopotamus

I'd say, why not-amus
and would

If I could parley
with pachyderms

It's a fairy tale worthy
of Hans Andersen or Grimm

A man who walks
with the animals

Talks with the animals

Grunts and squeaks and squawks
with the animals

This is the most exciting thing
that's ever happened to me, Polynesia.

I can't wait to start.

Just the very thing.

For instance, Polynesia,
how would I say...

"good morning"
to our friend there?

In pig talk, I mean.

That's simple.

- Was that it?
- Why, yes.

It's remarkable.
What was all the leg-shaking business?

That's part of "good morning."

Most animal languages are
a mixture of sounds and movements.

A short snort means "good."

Shaking the leg means "morning."

And you... And you
just put the two together?

That's right.

Didn't answer me.

No, that's your right leg.
That means "good night."

Oh.

She answered.
Did you see that? She answered.

All I went was...

Did it again.

Good heavens. I speak pig.

Where are we going?

I want to say good morning
to every animal in Puddleby.

It's incredible.
It's impossible.

But it's true.
A man can talk to the animals

It's a miracle
In a year from now I guarantee

I'll be the marvel
of the mammals

Playing chess with camels

No more just a boring old M.D.

I'll study every living
creature's language

So I can speak
to all of them on sight

If friends say
Can he talk in crab or pelican

You'll say, like helican
and you'll be right

And if you just stop
to think a bit

There's no doubt of it
I shall win a place in history

For I can walk with the animals

Talk with the animals

Grunt and squeak and squawk
with the animals

And they can squeak and squawk

And speak and talk

To me

Needless to say, Stubbins,
I've neither seen nor spoken...

to dear sister, Sarah,
from that day to this.

But I do have the consolation of being
able to speak 498 animal languages.

Any one of which is more fun
than talking to Sarah.

Four hundred and ninety-eight?

With goldfish, it will be 499.

When you get to 500, Doctor,
we ought to have a party.

We must.

You'll need more than languages
before we can search for
the great pink sea snail.

Voyages cost money, you know.

Mm, quite.

Now, gentlemen,
if you'll forgive me,

animals are earlier risers
than human beings,

and I've got to be up
at 5:30 to open the clinic.

Good heavens.
You can't go home in that.

Matthew, you can make up a bed here,
if you don't mind Gub-Gub snoring.

Stubbins can sleep
on the sofa in the library.

Polynesia will go over to your house
and tell your parents you're all right.

Good night.

- Good night.
- Good night.

He's a genius.

Uh-hum.

I think you're next.

What did you tell her?

To take two of these pills
three times a day after meals.

Polynesia, remember that lady
owes us a gallon of milk.

- All right, Doctor.
- Now, what next?

This mouse. He has a bent tail.

Oh, it's you again.

Well, that's the third time
this week.

What's that machine?

It's a whisker and tail straightener.
My own invention.

These field mice are always getting
caught in General Bellowes' pantry...

up at the Grange.

Being a military man, he has
a regular defense system of mousetraps,

and they're all having
very narrow escapes, like this one.

There we are.
That should do it. Good as new.

There.

But, uh, keep away
from General Bellowes' pantry.

Next.

Good morning, Sheila.
On the desk, please, Stubbins.

Yes, sir.

- Oh, I see.
- What's the matter?

Apparently one of her children
have got flat feet.

This one? Yes.
Very dangerous in hunting season.

Can't run fast enough.
I'll work out some form of exercise.

Bum-bum. Bum-bum.

Bum-bum. Something like that.

Anyhow, we'd better see
our other patients first.

I can get on with this later.

Good boy, Jip.

Uh-oh.

Ah, Toggle.

Oh, yes, of course.

Toggle's getting a bit
shortsighted in his old age.

There now.
We'll just, uh, test these.

Now, I'm sure this will be better
than the last time.

Good Lord. That's excellent.

Polynesia, remember
Toggle owes me a free ride...

next time I have to go
to Plymouth or Penzance.

Yes, Doctor.

What the devil! Emma, I'll
murder him if I lay my hands on him!

- That's Bellowes' voice.
- Damn it! What's the matter?

Out of my way!
Out of my way!

Get out of my way!
Get out of my way!

There he is.
We've caught him red-handed.

- Emma, you're a witness.
- A witness to what?

The most flagrant display
of organized animal stealing...

in the history
of Puddleby crime.

Organized? I beg...
I am a doctor, sir.

You are a horse thief, sir.
That is my plow horse.

It's no good
your trying to disguise him.

He's wearing glasses
because he's shortsighted.

I'd recognize him anywhere.

Take them off. At once, sir.

Shortsighted. That won't sound very
convincing in front of the magistrate.

- Magistrate?
- I'm prosecuting,

and I don't fancy
your chances in court.

I'm the magistrate,
and if I weren't late for my foxhunt,

I'd report you for cruelty to animals.

Don't you dare lay a finger on her.

- She's one of my patients.
- One of your what?

She's been chased by your wretched
foxhounds three times in two weeks.

You've already murdered her husband.

If anything happened to her,
these babies are going to be orphans.

It's all right, Sheila.
I won't let him hurt you.

I've never heard... Sheila?

Just the sight of you is enough
to give her a heart attack.

Look at her.
She's a complete nervous wreck.

She'll be more than that
by the time I'm finished with her!

- You'll never catch her.
- Tallyho!

There are times when the English
are rather tiresome.

Bellowes, no!

Out of my way!

- Out of my way! Out of my way!
- Oh, well.

"Never catch her," eh?

What do you think this is?

My horse!

- Where did they come from?
- North America.

We formed an Anglo-American
Fox Protection Society.

Purely volunteer, of course.

Fox Protection Society?

Yes. During the hunting season,
a skunk will always run with a fox.

The idea is to put
the hounds off the scent.

I never dreamt
it would work so well.

- How dare you!
- I beg your pardon?

- General Bellowes...
- He certainly does.

- Is my uncle.
- I'm sorry.

- Is that an apology?
- I'm sorry he's your uncle.

And I'm sorry I'm his niece.

- It must be terrible.
- What do you mean?

Having a name like Bellowes.

- My name is Emma Fairfax.
- Oh, that's a bit better.

What I meant was that if I were
his nephew instead of his niece...

If you were his nephew,
you'd hardly be called Emma Fairfax.

- If I were a man...
- Fred Fairfax?

I have never
in my entire experience...

known anyone treat people
as appallingly as you do.

I don't treat people, madam.
I treat animals.

You treat people like animals too.

And I have nothing but contempt
for people whose idea of pleasure...

is to take a defenseless animal and make
a social event out of a ritual killing.

- That's it, John Dolittle. You tell her.
- Matthew, I am telling her.

- You make it sound...
- Furthermore...

- Don't keep interrupting me!
- I'm sorry. What did you wish to say?

Oh, I've forgotten!

Very well. Furthermore, I would deem it
a favor if in the future...

you and your
bloodthirsty relatives...

would avoid coming here
and upsetting the animals.

In any case, I find it hard
to believe that a grown man...

can waste his entire life
playing with animals in the first place.

And I, madam, find it
equally hard to believe...

that a grown woman could spend her
entire life doing absolutely nothing.

You got to admit that
for someone called Fred,

she's a fair-looking fellow.

If I were a man

I'd scratch his eyes out

I'd tear his hair out
by the roots

And kick his shins in
with my boots

And I would bite his hand
as only I can

If only I could be a man

A great man would not hesitate

To put Dr. Dolittle to death

Attila the Hun
To name only one

Would chuckle at his dying breath

It seems a man can be
as rude as he likes

Crude as he likes
Lewd as he likes too

But a girl must be
discreet as she can

Sweet as she can
Neat as she can too

But that's not the life

That I want to lead

Normal and formal
as homespun tweed

I need the freedom to go

Where I please

But where

Do I please

I don't know

That's the trouble

I don't know

Here I stand
at the crossroads of life

Childhood behind me

The future to come

And alone

Nothing planned
at the crossroads of life

But life will find me

More grateful than some

It has known

Grateful to see

All the wonderful things I see

Grateful to be

What life expects me to be

So I stand
at the crossroads of life

This way or that way

Well, which shall I go

Towards the left
or the right

Towards the day
or the night

Towards the dark
or the light

Only my heart can know

Only my heart

Can know

- What is it?
- Ha. I don't know, Doctor.
It just arrived for ya.

- It's making funny noises.

- Extraordinary-looking thing.
- It's from Tibet.

It's probably that pink sea snail
you was lookin' for.

No, it's not big enough for that.

What do you suppose it is?

Well, we could always
open it and find out.

Oh, yes. What a good idea.

Ah. Oh, look, it's a llama.

Come on, boy. Come on, boy.

I think he's nervous. Open up the
other end and give him a push, Matthew.

Here.

There's another one at this end.
There's two of them.

Two llamas? How thoughtful of somebody.
People are awfully nice.

- What are you going to do with them?
- We could make ourselves...

a couple of nice overcoats
for a start.

Come on, boy. Come on, boy.

This way, lad. Come on. Come on.

That's a good fella.

I don't believe it. It can't be.

- It is! It is!
- What? What? What?

It's a pushmi-pullyu.

- Look.
- Holy O'Reilly. Forgive me.

I'll never touch another drop.

Stubbins, pat the other end.
They're very timid.

This is without doubt the first one
that's ever been captured.

If I had a head at each end,
I'd take a bit of catchin' too.

- What's he saying, Doctor?
- It's rather difficult to understand.

It's a camel dialect
with rather a thick accent.

- A message? Oh, a message for me.
- Is this it?

Ah, yes, it's from Long Arrow.
I should have guessed.

Who's he when he's at home?

The greatest naturalist in the world
and a very old friend.

- He's a Red Indian gentleman.
- With a name like Long Arrow,

I didn't think he was Irish.

- What's all them drawings, Doctor?
- Picture writing.

It's the only way
we can communicate.

You see, this means
the pushmi-pullyu is a gift.

The open hand, you see?
For me. That's me.

From his friend, Long Arrow.

To make money to take a ship...

to search for great pink sea snail.

Signed Long Arrow.

Oh, that's marvelous.

But tell me, Doctor, how do you
make money with a pushmi-pullyu?

I thought it was obvious. Stubbins,
what would you do if you had two heads?

- I'd join a circus, sir.
- Exactly.

Excuse me. I'm looking
for the proprietor.

You've found him. Albert Blossom.

- Splendid. How do you do?
My name's Dolittle.
- I'm not interested.

- I thought you might like
to see a rather unusual...
- No, I wouldn't.

It's probably something
you haven't seen before.

I've seen everything before.

- Then you aren't interested?
- That's right. I'm not interested.

Come along, Matthew.

- Sorry to have troubled you. Good day.
- Good day.

- It's a trick.
- No, it's no trick.

Why... But... I've never
seen anything like it.

- Neither has anybody else.
- Hey, whoa! I say, come here!
Just a minute.

Hey, hey! I mean,
l-I've never seen anything like it.

I mean, I've seen the world
I've been around

I can tell you stories
that would quite astound you

I'm not a fool
I went to school

I've been from
Liverpool to Istanbul

Istanbul, I'm no fool

And anyone will tell you that
I'm sharper than a knife

But I've never seen anything
like it in my life

- It's a pushmi-pullyu.
- Is it?

Well, I've never seen anything like it
I've never seen anything like it

I've never seen anything
like it in my life

- It's the rarest animal on Earth.
- It certainly is!

Hey, hold up a moment. Hey!

I mean, I know the game
I've seen them all

I could tell you stories that
would quite enthrall you

I know me job
Pleasin' the mob

I give 'em what they want
for just two bob

Just two bob
Well, that's my job

But this is so fantastic
I can't wait to tell the wife

Gertie, you've never seen
anything like it in your life

Come on out!

You've never seen anything like it
I've never seen anything like it

You've never seen anything
like it in your life

It's a bicranium, madam.

Arthur! Charlie! Joe!

Come and have a look at this!

Beverly, get Joe!

I thought I'd seen
every wonder in the world

I've seen the Colosseum
in Rome and the Acropolis

I've made the biggest blunder
in the world

'Cause I've never seen
anything quite like this

Now look what you've done!
You've frightened him!

Hey, come back! Come back!

I'm down to earth
I'll tell you straight

I could tell you stories
that would fascinate you

I know the trade
I know the tricks

I once bought an elephant
for two pound six

Two pound six
Taught it tricks

But for your pushmi-pullyu
I'd pay three pounds

Four pounds!

Five!

'Cause I've never seen anything
like it that's alive

I tell you what.
I'd even pay for it in cash.

Five? That wasn't exactly
what we had in mind.

Because, you see, pushmi-pullyus
are remarkable creatures

Of all God's animals
they're the cleverest

They develop these remarkable features
running up and down Mount Everest

- No!
- Yes! Absolutely true.

Runnin' up and down
Mount Everest?

Exactly. You see...

Running up and down the mountain
gives them very nimble feet

Put them on the right rope
They could walk a tightrope

That should give the audience
a rare old treat

And this extreme agility
begets a rare ability

Shared only with
the mountain goats of France

The pushmi-pullyu loves to dance

I'll give you
anything you want.

- The terms are quite simple.
- Anything you want!

- Four-week engagement.
- Right!

- Share all profits equally.
- Right.

Two performances a day.

Oh, uh, no, uh,
four performances a day.

Just a minute.

We have a problem.

Well, what do they want?

Three shows a day.

And four on Saturday?

They agree.

Done!

La, la-la, la

La, la, la, la, la

- My dear Dolittle!
- Oh, I'm awfully sorry.

You've never seen
anything like it!

I've never seen
anything like it.

Dolittle, me.

Thank you.

- Me.
- No, Dolittle.

I mean, you're not a fool

Neither am I

I could tell you stories
that would stultify you

Open your eyes
What do you see

This thing's a miracle
for you and me

Guarantee

I agree

Within a meager month
I've seen my wildest dreams come true

'Cause I've never seen anything
like it nor have you

Oh, I've never seen anything like it
Never seen anything like it

I've never seen
anything like it

In all my

Life

What's the matter with you, Sophie?

Come on, Sophie. Catch it.

Try again, Sophie.

Come on, Sophie.

- That's yours.
- Oh, thanks.

Right, well,
I'm off to the bank.

Ah, here we are now. "Seals are
notoriously sentimental creatures.

Prolonged separation from
those they love can result...

in complete lack of interest
in their usual activities."

That would explain why Sophie
keeps dropping things in her act.

It isn't like her.
I'm sure she's pining for some reason.

I must go and have a chat with her.
This fellow obviously knows
what he's talking about.

- Who wrote the book, Doctor?
- Uh, oh, I did.

- Hmm.
- Just a moment!

I have something to say to you,

- Mr. Dolittle.
- Doctor.

Doctor?

I've heard of some hypocrites
in my time, but you are contemptible!

All that sanctimonious claptrap
about protecting defenseless creatures,

and here you are an animal trainer
in a cheap circus!

Exhibiting freaks!

Come, lad. Why don't you go
and make some cocoa?

- I don't want any cocoa, do you?
- I'd love some, lad. Yes. Off you go.

Hello, Fred.

He is... He's very rude.

Who, the doctor?
Oh, no, not at all. He's a darlin' man.

Did you hear what
he said about my uncle?

Oh, that, yeah, well,
he's a darlin' man, but he's very rude.

Of course, I wouldn't mind so much
except everything he said was true.

You should never believe anybody
who goes around tellin' the truth.

They're not to be trusted.

Ya have to do it both ends.
Otherwise it gets jealous.

He was too ashamed to say
anything just now, of course.

- Too nice.
- Nice?

He's the kindest man
on God's Earth, Fred.

He understands animals better than you
and me will ever understand anythin'.

Well, I certainly
don't understand him.

Ah, sure, now.
He's one of the beautiful people.

And I'm sure now
he's one of the horrible people.

You're wrong, sweetheart.

I can't explain
what it is that he is

But he is what he is
for a very good reason

I can't explain why he does
what he does

But he does what he does
'cause his heart is pure

Of that much

I am sure

I'm sure as I told
young Tom the other day

He lives in
a world of fantasy

And that is a world
I plan to see, fantasy

Can't you see

The world is full
of beautiful things

Butterfly wings
Fairy tale kings

And each new day
undoubtedly brings

Still more beautiful things

The world abounds
with many delights

Magical sights
Fanciful flights

And those who dream
on beautiful nights

Dream of beautiful things

Beautiful days
for sunshine lazin'

Beautiful skies and shores

Beautiful days
when I can gaze

In beautiful eyes

Like yours

Our lives tick by
like a pendulum swings

Poor little things
Puppets on strings

But life is full

Of beautiful things

Beautiful people

Too

Beautiful people

Like

You

I see. I see.

I'm sorry. Hmm.

Ah, cocoa.
Come in, gentlemen.

You know Sophie, don't you?
Oh, yes, of course you do.

It seems we have
a problem on our hands.

Sophie's just been telling me
how much she misses her husband.

That's why she couldn't concentrate
on her performance, just as I thought.

- Where is her husband?
- The North Pole. That's the problem.

They were on their way there
when Sophie was captured.

If she doesn't get back to him,
she feels she's going to go
completely to pieces.

What do you want us to do?
Go to the North Pole?

Unfortunately, there isn't time,
but it's very pleasant up there.

But the North Pole
hasn't been discovered yet.

Not officially.
I'd never say anything about it.
I promised the polar bears I wouldn't.

Anyway, that's beside the point.

What we've got to do is
to get Sophie back to her husband.

Now, if I could get her
to the Bristol Channel,

she could swim it
in about a week.

You go along there,
around that bit, then straight on
and then slightly to the left.

Oh, that's great, but how does
she get to the Bristol Channel?

- Well, she'd have to escape.
- Escape? A seal?

I can hardly go to Blossom
and say she wanted to go to
the North Pole to see her husband.

He wouldn't believe a word.

- You know something?
- What?

- She's gonna have to escape.
- Tonight.

Shh. Shh.

- Is everything all right, sir?
- It's my grandmother.
She's not very well.

I'm taking her to Bristol.

- Can you smell fish?
- Fish?

It's Granny.
She's on a special diet.

Very wise, sir.

Are you all right, dear?
Enjoying the trip?

Oh, that's good.

Whoa! Whoa!

What's the delay?
What's going on there?

Jack Fitch, the highwayman,
has been seen on this road.
We have to search all coaches.

Help yourself.
You'll find no surprise in here.

All right, driver.

All right, get up.

All right, go on.

Come back here, Nelly!
Nelly, come back here!

Where are you going?
Where are you going, Nelly?

Come on back!
Come back here, I tell ya!

Well, here we are. Sorry it was
such an uncomfortable journey,

but it was really the only way.

There, there, there, Sophie.

Don't get upset.
I can't bear females who cry.

Shh. Don't look at me
like that, Sophie,

or I'll get upset too.

Dear Sophie, you understand
so much, don't you?

When I look in your eyes

I see the wisdom of the world
in your eyes

I see the sadness
of a thousand good-byes

When I look in your eyes
Shh, shh.

And it is no surprise

To see the softness
of the moon in your eyes

The gentle sparkle of
the stars in the skies

When I look in your eyes

In your eyes I see
the deepness of the sea

I see the deepness

Of the love, the love
I feel you feel for me

Autumn comes, summer dies

I see the passing
of the years in your eyes

And when we part, there will
be no tears, no good-byes

I'll just look into your eyes

Dear Sophie
Those eyes so wise

So warm, so real

Isn't it a pity
you're a seal

Well, she's on her way.

- What did you throw her in for?
- She wanted to go back to her husband.

No, you don't understand at all.

She wasn't a woman. She was a seal.

- A seal?
- Yes.

Dressed in a bonnet and shawl?

That's right. Yes. I'd sort of borrowed
it from this lady in the tavern.

The bonnet had
a little brown ribbon through...

Never mind about
the brown ribbons.

You then took the seal
to Bristol in a stagecoach...

and upon arrival promptly
threw her over a cliff.

Exactly.

May one ask why?

Uh, certainly. Um, she wanted to go
to the North Pole to see her husband.

- Her husband?
- Yes.

What makes you think this seal
wanted to go to the North Pole?

- Well, she told me.
- She told you?

Yes, we discussed it
in great detail.

Are you in the habit
of talking to animals?

Yes, I am.
I do it all the time.

I thought perhaps you did.

With all due respect to
Your Worship, I think I detect
a note of skepticism in the court.

I would, therefore,
like an opportunity...

to prove the point by talking
to any animal you care to nominate.

Very well then.
My dog Rufus is outside. Bring him in!

Oh, that's very kind of you.
This way, please.

Oh, thank you very much.

Yes, Rufus will be only too happy
to answer any questions you care to ask.

Oh, I think we can dispense
with that formality.

Uh, ask him what I had
for dinner last night.

Very well.

Did he?

Well, really? Did he?

Good Lord. Well, well.

Did he really?

Well, well, well.

What did he say?

I'm grateful that Your Worship
acknowledges the fact
that the dog was talking.

For dinner last night,
Your Lordship enjoyed the following:

Two helpings of boiled trout,
four helpings of roast pheasant,

roast potatoes,
brussels sprouts and gravy,

Followed by six large portions
of blackberry pie with whipped cream.

It's not true! I only had
five helpings of blackberry pie!

Your Lordship also drank
a great deal of wine and brandy...

and later in the evening sang
noisy songs with your friends
about a woman from Swansea...

That's enough!

The court is adjourned
until tomorrow morning,

pending inquiries about
the bonnet and shawl stolen
from the tavern in question.

Hmm. Thank you.

Well, by my calculation, the trial
will be over by 11:00 tomorrow morning.

Polynesia, how much did
we earn from the circus?

206 pounds,
seven and fourpence, halfpenny.

Ah, it's more than enough.

I see no reason why we shouldn't set out
to find the pink sea snail right away.

Matthew, go to the house
and pick up my clothes.

Have the boat
ready to sail by 12:00.

We'll catch the noontide
or whatever it's called.

We haven't got a crew,
so we'll have to make due with you
and Stubbins and the animals.

I can come too?

If your parents say so
and you know how to tie a knot.

Hear that? We're going to help
the doctor find the pink sea snail.

I should wait until you see
his boat before you get too excited.

It isn't by chance
it's called the Flounder.

No sailor in his right mind
would touch it.

I'm not asking a sailor
in his right mind. I was asking you.

What do you say?

I say that for a man who's
about to be hanged for murder...

to be gettin' ready to go on a pleasure
cruise shows a very nice outlook.

- Fred!
- To what do we owe this, uh, pleasure?

- I've brought dinner.
- Dinner?

- Yes, for Matthew and Tommy.
- Oh.

Set it down there, Hubert.

Steak and kidney pie
and oxtail and roast beef.

- Would you like some?
- Uh, no.

Oh, come on, Doctor.
Ya haven't had a bite all day.

- No, thank you.
- He's a vegetarian.

Oh, no!

It, uh, seems
a pity to waste it.

It's all right, Matthew.
Um, carry on.

I'm sorry, Doctor.
Come on, Tom.

Doctor?

Um, Rufus was right.

He did have six helpings
of blackberry pie.

Thank you.

Oh, thank you, Chee-Chee.

It seems that a bonnet and shawl
were, in fact, removed...

from the tavern in question
on the day in question.

The lady who owns them,
for reasons best known to herself,
has no wish to prosecute.

You are, therefore, acquitted
of the charge of murder.

Thank you very much.

However,

your performance in this courtroom
in the past two days...

has left little doubt in the minds of my
distinguished colleagues and myself...

that your lunatic activities
with animals infringe
upon the public safety...

and are not to be tolerated.

Happily, Her Majesty's farseeing
benevolence provides a sanctuary
for sad people like you...

who think they can talk to animals and
want to treat them like human beings.

Therefore, it is
the judgment of this court...

that you be committed indefinitely
to an asylum for the insane.

Have you anything to say?

I do not understand
the human race

It has so little love
for creatures

With a different face

Treating animals like people
is no madness or disgrace

I do not understand
the human race

I wonder why do we treat
animals like animals

Animals treat us so very well

The devoted way they serve us
and protect us when we're nervous

Oh, they really don't deserve us

All we give them is hell

Tell me how else
man repays them

Do we ever think to
praise them, no, we don't

And this dismays them
You can tell

We are riddled with ingratitude
We give no love or latitude

In every way our attitude is
well, like animals

No, no. That's not
what I mean. I mean...

Why do we treat animals
like animals

How can people
be so inhumane

Cows and chickens
work to feed us

Dogs and horses
show they need us

And though cats don't always heed us
their affection is plain

What do we do, we neglect them
We do nothing to protect them

We reject them
Don't expect them to complain

We ignore them or we beat them
When we're hungry then we eat them

It's appalling how
we treat them, it's insane

Like animals

We humiliate and murder
and confine them

We create their wretched status

Then we use it to malign them

I mean, why should we say
Treat him like a dog

Why should we say
Working like a horse

Why should we say
Eating like a hog

When what we mean is
Eating like a man

Don't we, of course

A man of ill repute
is called a weasel or a rat

A woman you dislike
becomes a vixen or a cat

A family that is blessed with
healthy reproductive habits

Occasions the remark, well, you know
them, they breed like rabbits

He's as stubborn as a mule
He's as stupid as an ox

He's as slimy as a snake
He's as crafty as a fox

Remarks like that
really get my goat

Why don't we say
Noble as a frog

Or why can't we say
Wealthy as a hen

True, we say
Devoted as a dog

What we should say is
Chic as a giraffe

Pretty as a pig, eh
That will be the big day, won't it

But when, but when

But when, when will we stop
treating them like animals

Is the human race
entirely mad

Women see a baby goatskin
or a lambskin or a stoatskin

And to them it's just a coatskin
Oh, it's terribly sad

When you dress in suede or leather
or some fancy fur or feather

Do you stop and wonder
whether for a fad

You have killed
some beast or other

That you're wearing
someone's brother

Or perhaps it's someone's mother
in which you're clad

Like animals

Like animals

Like animals

Well, it's true

We do not live in a zoo

But man is an animal too

So why can't you

Like me

Like animals

Animals

Now, the prison faces the road here.

So what we do is we tie the ropes from
the bars of the cell to the elephant,

and he pulls the whole wall off.

How can you go on the voyage
if the doctor's still in prison?

We can't. That's why Matthew's got
this marvelous plan to get him out.

Then this second elephant...
he's bigger than the first elephant...

All the doctor has to do is step through
the hole in the wall onto his back.

- You'll never get away with this.
- Listen, here's the clever part.

He slides down the elephant's trunk onto
a waitin' rhinoceros and away they go!

Just the three of you
are going off on this boat?

Oh, no. Chee-Chee, Polynesia
and Jip are coming too.

Then there's these six tigers,
you see, to stop anyone followin'.

To look for a pink sea snail?

They'll be standing on
the other side of the road
while I'm settin' off the dynamite.

- Dynamite?
- Oh, sure.

If we blow up the road,
they'll have to go all the way
around the town to get to the harbor,

which gives me time
to nip back here...

and blow up the bridge while
you're gettin' on the boat.

That's the beauty of this whole plan...
its simplicity.

- Are they really going to
keep the doctor in prison?
- Oh, no, no.

They're moving him across
to the loony bin at 12:00.

- Today?
- Aye.

I've also an idea.
You get the boat ready.

Leave the doctor to me.
We sail at 12:00. Avast now.

Aye, aye, sir.

We're a fine bunch,
takin' orders from a parrot.

Matthew, how did you enjoy
the food I brought you
in the prison the other night?

'Twas the best meal
I ever had in me life.

They say that prison food is terrible.
I won't hear a word against it.

I was thinking.

Wouldn't it be nice if you were to have
those kind of meals on your voyage?

Oh, true now.
It would be marvelous.

The only way we could do that
is if you was to...

If we was to, uh...

Ah!

I'll tell you one thing, Fred.

I only hope there's
no stowaways on that boat.

Because if there was,
I wouldn't know where to look for them.

Anyway, once we're out at sea
with an escaped convict,
there's no turnin' back.

Oh, Matthew!

I love you!

Who would have thought
that one little kiss

Soft and sweet from
the lips of a lovely girl

Would to change my life

But by my life

It will

After today nothing
will be the same again

After today I'll make
my claim to fame and then

The grass will be greener

And the air will be cleaner

And my life be serener

Than heaven knows when

Heaven knows when

After today I shall have
bid my fears good-bye

After today I shall
have no more tears

To cry

I'll learn to live
with laughter to stay

After

Today

After today nothing
will be the way it was

After today I'll say
Oh, what a day it was

My heart will be lighter

And my smile
will be brighter

And I'll be
twice the fighter

That ever I was

Clever because

After today I shall have
bid my fears farewell

After today I shall
have no more tears

To quell

I'll learn to live
with laughter

To stay

After the tears
comes the laughter

After today

Chee-Chee.

Run! Run!

Stop!

Don't follow the doctor!

Don't obey! Don't obey!

Right!

Come on! This way!
Don't sit down!

- Get up!
- After them!

Go after him!

This way. Come on. After him. This way.

- This way! No, this way!
- Ta-ta.

- Stop them!
- Stop them! Stop them!

It's all right, Doctor.
You can come out now.

- There's not a policeman in sight.
- Oh, thank you, Matthew.

Makes a very good little reading room,
this. I must use it more often.

Now, let's see where we are.

Ah, I see.

He says there's a faint smell of garlic
coming from the southeast.

- What does that mean?
- It means we're about ten miles
off the coast of France.

I've got about the best navigational
system on the high seas today.

Jip's got this
incredible sense of smell,

and Polynesia gets
marvelous weather reports
from the passing birds and fishes.

- Everything all right at the house?
- Yes, Doctor.

Good. Keep an eye on everything and
don't bump into anything like Ireland.

Aye, aye, Doctor.

- A very well organized escape.
Thank you.
- Don't mention it.

I doubt if there's a ship afloat
with flowers like these.

Look at these geraniums.
Absolutely glorious.

Have you seen my azaleas
on the starboard side?

- No, sir, I can't say as I have.
- They're doing wonderfully.

How are you enjoying life
on the rolling deep?

If the good Lord meant us to take
to water, He'd have given us flippers.

No, Stubbins,
move your mouth about more.

You must reread my essay
on basic chimpanzee, page one.

I must cut these roses back.
There's so much to do on a ship.

What a marvelous smell, Matthew.

What have you been cooking?
I'm absolutely starving.

Will this do?

Do come on while it's still hot.

What are you doing here?

I thought someone capable ought
to look after Tommy on the voyage.

Stubbins is perfectly capable
of looking after himself.

I must turn the ship around
and go straight back to Puddleby...

uh, well, immediately after lunch.

They'll, uh... They'll put ya
inside if you go back, Doctor.

Oh, yes, that is a point.

What are we going to do
with her if she stays?

You make me
sound like a stray cat.

A cat would be most welcome.

Don't worry. It's vegetarian.

- It's delicious.
- It's marvelous.

Mmm. What is it?

- Algue marine en croute.
- Oh, yes.

- What's that in English?
- Seaweed pie.

Mmm! It's really rather good.

- Well, where are we going?
- To hunt for the great pink sea snail.

And where do you
expect to find it?

I haven't the faintest idea.

But as one place is as good as another,
it's high time we decided.

- Otherwise, when we get there,
we won't know we've arrived.
- Good thinking.

- Thank you.
- Are your voyages always
as well planned as this?

When possible. Unfortunately,
one doesn't always have time
to go into minute details.

- Such as knowing where you're going?
- That sort of thing.

But then how do you decide?

We play a little game I invented.

One of us opens the atlas at random,
sticks a pin in the open page.

Wherever it lands,
that's where we go.

- You can't be serious.
- I'm very serious.

That is the most ridiculous thing
I have ever heard of.

You could end up in
all sorts of terrible places.

That's absolutely true.

I remember going to the Sahara Desert
four times in succession...

before I realized Chee-Chee
had stuck down all the other pages
of the atlas with jam.

Marvelous trips. Lots of sand.

But that is exactly what I mean.

It's all right now. I cleaned
all the jam off. Little bit there.

How you can sit there and say what
you're saying I just don't know.

I must admit the Sahara is one place
I'm praying we just won't go.

You know, that's absolutely
typical of a woman.

There are so many fabulous
faraway places to see

She makes one seaweed pie
and goes mad.

Such as Mexico, Sweden
Hawaii, Japan and Capri

Who does she think she is?

There's so many exciting
and wonderful places

Much more inviting
than desert oases

Pleasant as home is
it isn't what Rome is

So why stay there

When there are so many fabulous
faraway places to see

As though the seaweed pie
was all that marvelous.

Why should Spain
and Tahiti and Rio

- Just be only names to you and me
- Is there any more?

I feel certain there are people
we'd be glad to know there

So tell me why don't
we get up and go there

Go to those fabulous places
where we long to be

Go to Bangkok and Hong Kong
and Paris and Venice

Tokyo and Cairo
and Lisbon and London

Wonderful, fabulous places

We're longing to see

When I think of
the warm Caribbean

I see a new world
for you and me

I'd give anything just to
have one single day there

Once we get there
I know that we'll stay there

Stay in those fabulous places
where we long to be

- Such as Siam
- Sienna

- Vienna
- Verona

- Java, Jamaica
- Jamaica, Bombay

- Barcelona
- Ole!

- Ole! Ole! Ole!
- El toro!

- Ha, ha!
- Ole! Ole! Ole!

Show me those fabulous places

I'm longing to see

My dear Miss Fairfax, you seem
to have entirely missed the point.

I'm aware there are fabulous places
wherever we sail

- Will we see them?
- We will.

But the point of the journey
is science and finding the snail

An incomparable thrill

We shall question the sharks
off the coast of Tobago

Interview swamp life
in Tierra del Fuego

- That sounds horrendous
- No, no, it's tremendous
and well worthwhile

We'll make detailed inquiries
of every crustacean we meet

- Crustacean?
- Shellfish, they're sweet

We will sail
to the ends of the earth

Till our search for the snail
is quite complete

We'll interrogate beetles
and bugs in Nigeria

And if we have to
spend weeks in Siberia

Eighty below but a place
that we all ought to see

But I haven't brought
the right clothes for Siberia

Those are the fabulous places
you'll visit with me

Sounds as if we're in
for a good time.

Well, Siberia is one place
you'll never see me go

Stick in the pin
Where the pins goes, then we go

- Ireland!
- Romania!
- No, Ruritania!

We'll chase that sea snail
from here to Tasmania

Show me those fabulous places

I'm longing to

I'm longing to

See

It doesn't count.
You landed in the sea.

No, she hasn't. Look. There.

Well, that doesn't
look very interesting.

- What is it?
- "Sea Star Island.

Last reported position."

Last reported position?
What can that mean?

The Sea Star Island. That's faintly
familiar. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

"Seashore, sea slug, sea snail.

Sea Star Island."

It's that floating island.
It moves all over the world like a ship.

It's a freak of nature.

This time of year it's sometimes
sighted off the coast of Africa.

How terribly exciting.
I think you have chosen rather well.

I don't think
it's exciting at all.

Couldn't we go to...
Couldn't we go to Monte Carlo?

Miss Fairfax, this is a serious
zoogeographical expedition.

It's not a pleasure cruise
for your personal benefit.

I promise to ask for
no special privileges.

I promise to grant none.
A ship is no place for a woman.

The simple answer then
is to treat me like a man.

I intend to.

Well, good-bye.

Twelve.

Uh-huh. How is the score, Stubbins?
And the arithmetic?

You're winning, sir, I think.

Ah, well, that's the first sure sign
we've been at sea too long.

Polynesia spoke to some swallows.

They said there's a terrific storm
up ahead. Isn't that marvelous?

No, it isn't.
Can't we drive round it?

I shouldn't think so.
The latest long-range fish forecast
wasn't too encouraging.

Jip said he could smell thunder.

- I didn't know thunder had a smell.
- It does if you're a dog.

Uh, 82. Mind you,
Jip does tend to exaggerate.

If you ask me, bein' at sea is
very much the same as bein' in prison,

except at sea ya stand
a better chance of drownin'.

That reminds me. One of the ship's rats
came to see me this afternoon.

Said he had
a distinct tingle in his tail,
a sure sign the ship was going down.

So his lot are preparing to leave,
according to rat tradition.

He highly recommended
we should do the same.

There's nowhere we can go.

- Exactly. That's what I told the rat.
- Two.

- What was that?
- A bit of lightning. That's all.

When you finish clearing up, you better
batten down the hatches and stay below.

Women are always
scared stiff of storms.

Well, I'm not.
I'm a man, remember?

I dread to think what this
is going to do to my azaleas.

August 10.

Signs of inclement weather.

Crew's morale remains high.

Steady as she goes.

Thank you.
Thank you very much, indeed.

- Any sign of her, Polynesia?
- Not yet.

Ah, good morning, Stubbins.
Beautiful day.

Yes, sir, good morning.
What happened to the ship?

Very good question.
If we ever find enough bits,
we'll put them together and find out.

Come on, Matthew.
Rise and shine.

I told ya Flounder
was a terrible name for a boat.

Nonsense. The flounder's
a most reliable little fish.

It's survived the sea
for thousands of years.

Aye, below the surface.

Anyway, we're all safe.
That's the main thing.

- At least, we will be as soon
as we find Miss Fairfax.
- Poor Fred.

I said all along a ship
was no place for a woman.

Heaven knows I did my best to make
the voyage pleasant for her.

You can't spend your life
running after a woman,

waiting on her hand and foot
when there's important work to be done.

I think under the circumstances
I treated her very well.

Probably too well.

Spoiled her, in fact.

And I tied her
very securely to that raft.

I hope she's all right.
That's all.

- We'll make a full-scale search
as soon as we get ashore.
- Ashore?

Sea Star Island.
That's where we're going, isn't it?

Apart from the fact
that we're shipwrecked,
that we have no means of gettin' there,

and that we don't know
where it is anyway, yes.

You mustn't worry about things
like that, Matthew.

By my calculations, we were sort of
coming down in this direction like this,

and the floating island was sort of
coming down in that direction like that.

Then we sort of somehow or other
sort of more or less meet...

somewhere round about here.

Is that a fact?

Ah! There it is now.

Well, shall we go ashore?

Giddyap.

I must remember to get meself
one of those.

Hmph. Any sign of Fred?

Not yet. I only hope
she caught the island.

It won't be passing here
again for months.

You and Stubbins search the beaches.
I'll go inland.

- Meet back here in two or three hours.
- Yeah. Tommy?

Polynesia, I want every living creature
on this island looking for that girl.

Yes, Doctor.

- Every bird that can fly I want
airborne until she's found.
- Yes, Doctor.

She can't be at sea.
We'd have heard from the fish by now.

- You sure she'll be
all right, Polynesia?
- Yes, Doctor.

She's standing
right behind you.

Good morning.

Oh, good morning.

Um, afraid we had
a bit of a storm last night.

Thank you for telling me.

Pity you got lost. You could have
given us a hand getting these ashore.

I'm sorry. I was fully occupied
getting myself ashore.

No mind. We managed. Some of these books
are very heavy though.

Saved all your books, I see.

- Yes, most fortunate.
- You lost all my dresses.

Yes, most unfortunate. I saw your trunk
floating amongst the wreckage.

However, the outfit you're
wearing this morning...

is the nicest thing I've seen you in
since you left England.

This is my underwear.

Oh. Anyway, it suits you.

I'm terribly glad to see you.

Are you?

Uh, well, we got
a tremendous lot to do.

We've got to unload the raft,
find food and build whatever
it is one has to build.

- What are you trying to say?
- Hmm?

Why don't you say what you mean?

What do you mean, say what I mean?

For a month or more
I have listened and dreamed

While the moon has glistened
and a million stars have gleamed

- Waiting
- Waiting?

- Waiting
- What for?

What for? For a man
I know who is clever and kind

But a man who never ever
seems to know his mind

Waiting

Waiting

Waiting for you to say
you like me

Or hate me or miss me
or kiss me or something

But nothing
Nothing do you say

At all

Little wonder I feel
sorely neglected

Unwanted, rejected and small

Little more than two feet tall

Lucky to be here

At all

Emma?

I think I... like you.

Yes, I think I do.

I think I like you.

I'm almost sure that I do

I think I like
the way you look

The way your eyes
reveal your mind

Like a precious book
that's hard to find

I think I'm learning
something strange and new

But it's well worth learning

Because I'm learning about you

Like dawning sunshine

When a new day is due

I think I like you

And I think you like me too

Do you?

Do you?

Do you?

Good afternoon. Good afternoon.

Good heavens. I do believe that's
a great crested oriental moonbird.

It's terribly rare.
I'm so glad we came.

Great crested oriental moonbird.

What a bit of luck.

Ah, that's better.

Thank you very much.

Bye-bye.

The locals aren't
a very friendly lot, are they?

I bet you anything you like
they're going to kill us.

Whoever said children had beautiful
minds had obviously never met you.

Bein' in prison is much
the same as bein' on a boat,

except in prison
there's less chance of drownin'.

And less chance of our
getting back to Puddleby.

I must have a serious talk
to whoever runs this place.

I promised to get Stubbins home
in time to go to school.

I'm sure if you tell them that
we'll be out of here in no time.

Give me a leg up.
I want to see what's going on out there.

Good heavens.

All right, Matthew. Down.

- Why is it so cold?
- It's like being back in England.

There's a bit of frost. That's all.
It's quite clear what happened.

The storm that sank
the Flounder must have blown
the island off its usual course.

We're drifting too far north.

If we don't do something about it,
that marvelous vegetation
is going to die of frostbite.

To say nothin'
of our dear selves.

This is obviously
the gentleman to talk to.

Good morning.

Me Dr. Dolittle.
Search for great pink sea snail.

Small boy late for school.
Here very cold.

They all go home
Puddleby, yes?

What a funny accent.

Oh, I beg your pardon.

Actually, that's what
I came to see you about.

My name is William Shakespeare,
the Tenth. You may call me Willie.

Come with me, please.

Thank you.

We've had lots of
shipwrecks, of course.

Being a floating island does tend to
make us a bit of a danger to shipping.

We've bumped into lots
of things over the years.

But on the credit side, it enabled us
to build a marvelous museum...

and public library... books and
art treasures from all over the place.

Everybody on the island
speaks nine or ten languages.

We even name our children
after our favorite authors.

That's why my name
is William Shakespeare.

Do forgive this paraphernalia.

We're rehearsing now
The Merchant Of Venice
for our Shakespeare drama festival.

- Do sit down. Milk or lemon?
- Milk, please.

Must be a near perfect civilization.

Then what are we doin' in prison?

Purely a precaution, old boy,
a sort of quarantine.

Most of the white men who have
come here in the past...

usually started killing people
before they've been introduced.

- Extraordinary. Help yourself to sugar.
- Thank you.

But they never stay long.
They can't stand the peace and quiet.

I love peace and quiet,
but unfortunately we won't
be able to stay long either.

We've got to continue our hunt
for the great pink sea snail.

You haven't by any chance heard
of it being in the vicinity?

At the moment you have a bigger problem
than looking for snails.

According to
popular superstition,

newcomers to the island
are responsible for all our misfortunes.

So the elders of the village
are blaming you for this frost.

I don't know what we can do
about that. Perhaps there
is something I can think of.

I do hope so for your sake.

You see, it's written here
in the law book.

"He who brings sunshine
to the coldness of our days...

shall bask in the splendor
of a thousand summers."

- That's very nice.
- Yeah.

Yes, but it goes on.

"He who brings winter
into the summer of our lives...

shall die the death
of a thousand screams."

- Oh.
- I prefer the first one.

Yes, so did I.

The elders are also blaming you
for what's happened to the animals.

What has happened
to the animals?

They've all caught colds.
They're coughing and sneezing
all over the place.

I must do something about this
immediately. Come along, Polynesia.

We've got work to do.

Bless you.

Gesundheit.

Ha.

Here you are, Tommy. Another little
baby lion for you to take care of.

Yes, sir.

Bless you.

That inhalant seems
to be working very well.

Bless you.

I was hoping this
mustard bath would work.

Still very hot.

How soon will
my cough mixture be ready?

- Five minutes. Smell.
- Mmm!

I'd give it to the baby elephant
first, if I were you.

- Why?
- She's got a terrible cold.

I want to control it
before she gives it to the family.

When a herd of elephants start sneezing,
it's like a hurricane.

Might drive the island even further
off course. Thank you very much.

If we was to point them
in the right direction, perhaps
they could blow us back on course.

Pretty good theory,
but terribly difficult to organize.

If elephants could swim,
one good shove...

and we'd be back in a southerly current
before we could...

Why didn't I think of that before?

- They can swim.
- What, elephants?

No, no, no, Matthew. Tommy, what's
as big as an elephant that can swim?

A whale, sir.

Exactly.

Emma, get on
with the cough mixture.

Bless you.

Now, how do you get
in touch with a whale?

I'll talk to him immediately.

Splendid.

Good morning. Marvelous,
if the giraffe doesn't mind.

Extremely kind of you.
I do appreciate it.

Bless you.

You'll explain? Good.

Here he comes.

It was very decent of that turtle
to put us in touch with him.

My word! He's a big fellow.

Now, if he gave a shove below us,
that should just about do the trick.

Good morning.

One... shove... here.

We really must learn to speak
a few words of whale.

Apparently they're very nice,
but nobody ever talks to them.

Look!

Why is it doing that?

The island is bound to roll
a bit after that shove.

It set that balancing rock
in motion.

- It'll soon calm down.
- That would be highly desirable.

It says here in the law book,

"He who causes the great rock
to fall into the hot mountain...

shall die the death
of 10,000 screams."

- Uh, how many screams did you say?
- 10,000.

I shouldn't have thought
it was worth more than five.

- I cannot tell you
how upset I am about this.
- You're upset?

We realize it isn't your fault.

I've been through the law book
from cover to cover.
There is nothing I can do.

- This is the tradition.
- Oh, well, we hate to break a tradition.

I once heard a story about
a tribe that burned people alive,
then et them for dinner.

I bet that's what
they're going to do to us.

Will you please put a curb
on your lurid imagination?

I'm sorry about this, Emma.

It hasn't been very relaxing
the last few days, has it?

I think we've bumped
into something.

Stop!

Release them!

Holy Pat.
What did we do now?

We've collided with the mainland.
The two pieces fit perfectly.

- How extraordinary.
- Not really.

The oldest legend of the island
has always maintained...

that we are a bit of Africa
that has been missing for 5,000 years.

Is there a reward
for finding it?

Oh, indeed, yes.

"He who brings back
the lost island from the sea...

shall live as a god
for a thousand moons."

Thank you. Thank you.

That's very pleasant,
but if you will excuse me,
I must get back to the hospital,

in case the elephant sneezes
and blows all the other patients away.

What will you do when
the animals are all well again?

I have one great ambition.
I came to find a great pink sea snail.
I intend to find it.

The great pink sea snail
is more than mythical.

I always thought that,
too, Willie.

No, no. You can see
the animals as they come out.

- Guard the gate, Matthew.
- Oh!

Come on. Come on.

- Why does he have the animals in there?
- All right, all right.

I'll tell ya.

Behind these gates is the most
wonderful place in all the world.

- Can we see it?
- Can we see it?

- Shh!
- Shh!

This is the world
of Dr. Dolittle

The wonderful world
of Dr. Dolittle

Where crocodiles talk
and elephants sing

And animals do
most any old thing

Where polar bears
wear top hats

And leopards
with spots wear spats

Well, that's life in
the world of Dr. Dolittle

Doves start to coo
when they see Dolittle

He has a profound philosophy

If animals can be friends
says he

Well, then why can't we

Matthew, open the gate.

Come on, baby. Up!

See they're all right, Matthew.

Say how do you do
to the world of Dr. Dolittle

Say how do you do
to the world of Dr. Dolittle

Life is a zoo to Dr. Dolittle

Life is a zoo
to Dr. Dolittle

Where antelopes lope

- And ostriches fan
- And ostriches fan

And kangaroos do
what kangaroos can

To make the hyenas laugh

As long as a long giraffe

Every calf starts to moo
when they see Dolittle

Even the few
who used to moo little

For all of the birds
and beasts agree

He has a profound philosophy

And so why can't

We.

All of the birds
and beasts agree

He has a profound philosophy

And so why can't we

Do little things to help them

Why

Can't

We

Oh.

Well, thank goodness
they only had head colds.

Think how terrible it would have been
if they'd had sore throats.

Our last two patients.
Well done, Emma.

Well, not a sniffle left
on the island.

Interesting noise. Can't be.

You mean, the great pink sea snail...

Precisely, and by the sound of it,
he seems to have caught a chill too.

So sorry.

I've never seen anything like it.

- Yes, I see.
Well, just a minute. Amazing!
- What is?

We've been searching
for weeks for the great snail.
He's been with us all the time.

Lives in an underground cave
and moves about with the island.

I was quite right. He's got a shocking
cold. I told him I was a doctor,

and if he'd come on the beach,
I'd mix him a batch of my special tonic.

It'll need to be
rather large, won't it?

What's that?

- What is it?
- He's purring.

Thrilled with his medicine. Feels much
more relaxed, almost like a new snail.

- Wanted to know if there's
anything he can do for us.
- Is there?

Yes, he can take you all
safely back to Puddleby.

Oh, well. Well, that's
a bit of an imposition.

Puddleby's a long way away. All you did
was give him a little medicine.

He's 2,000 years old.
He's lonely. It'll be company for him.

He'd been planning
to visit his cousin in Scotland
for 300 years and put it off.

Be a great opportunity for him.

- His cousin in Scotland?
- You've heard of the Loch Ness monster?

- Yes.
- Well, it's a cousin.

- Good heavens.
- Travel under the sea?

But it's bad enough on top.
We'd all drown, Doctor.

No, the shell is
completely watertight.

It'll be like traveling
in a big pink bubble.

Yes, he says he can get you back
to Puddleby by two weeks from Tuesday.

This must be the only snail
in the world with four bedrooms.

Oh, and, Polynesia,

don't forget to remind
the snail to surface twice a day
for his cough mixture.

It will fix up his cold, and stretch
your legs and get some sea air.

- Yes, Doctor.
- Oh, good.

I'd hate to miss my turn on deck.

And, Chee-Chee, don't eat all
the bananas. Leave some for the others.

Shh, shh. Don't be sad.

That's all, sir.

Good-bye, Stubbins.
Go up to the house whenever you like.

Yes, sir. And, Doctor,
come home soon, sir.

Well...

Well, I'll, uh... I'll send your other
high hat back from Puddleby, Doctor.

The snail can bring it
back with him.

Yours is looking
a little grubby now.

You'll probably find it
a bit difficult to get one here.

Yes, uh, probably.

Well, thank you, Matthew.

Well, uh, good-bye.

Bye.

Uh, give my love
to everyone at home,

to Gub-Gub and Dab-Dab
and everyone.

Good-bye, John Dolittle.

Take care!

Well, Tom, I still wish
he was comin' with us.

I've never driven
one of these things before.

Sure you won't change your mind
and come with us?

I can't, Emma. Your uncle will put me
away the moment I set foot in Puddleby.

But you have
to come back one day.

I hope so. A lot
of animals depend on me.

One or two people too.

Puddleby's going to seem
very dull after all this excitement.

I mean, what are you
going to do here?

I think I'll start
planning my next voyage.

Where are you going
this time? The moon?

- Very probably, yes.
- You're not serious.

- Oh, yes.
- How?

On the giant lunar moth.
Magnificent creature.

Flies backwards and forwards
between the earth and the moon.

When it reaches one,
it's attracted by the light
of the other and flies back again.

Willie tells me
there's one on the island.

My idea is to build some sort
of saddle arrangement,

- very secure,
so I don't fall off halfway.
- Can I come?

Hmm?

Can I come with you?

Emma, I'm afraid...

I'm not very good with people.

L... I'm all right
with animals, but people...

I'm not very good with.

I never have been.
I don't know why.

I'll write to you.

I'll organize an air postal service
with the seagulls.

I'll miss you, John Dolittle.

Well, I'll tell you one thing, Tom.

If we ever drown in this thing,
it'll be in a flood of tears.

Sophie. What are you doing here?

No. Oh, how do you do, sir?

Really? Good Lord.

Sophie, that's marvelous news.
Thank you very much, indeed.

Good-bye, Sophie.
Thank you. Thank you!

"Good night, sweet Prince, and flights
of angels sing thee to thy rest."

Willie! Willie!
Wonderful news.

Sophie, the seal,
and her husband have come to tell me...

all the animals in England
are on strike.

They refuse to do any work
until I'm reprieved.

- You can go home?
- Yes. The local magistrate
is begging me to go back.

The whole country's paralyzed
without the animals.

- Congratulations.
- Thank you very much.

I think that tree
is about the right size.

It's a 60-foot overall wingspan.

- But you've missed the snail.
- I've got a better idea.
I'm going to fly home.

Can you imagine their faces
when they see me on the quayside
waiting for them in Puddleby?

- Fly home?
- Since you say there's one
on the island, on the lunar moth.

- Help me make a model so I can
gauge where to put the saddle.
- Certainly.

I've got to allow for
a very steep rate of climb.

Now, you see,
you'll be the wings.

All of you. That's it.

Just sit down inside
those lines I've just drawn.

Everybody. That's the idea.

Good. Yes, I think
it's going to work splendidly.

As soon as I've built this saddle, we'll
go and have a chat with the lunar moth.

I only hope he understands
common house moth. That's all I speak.

Then as soon as the moon comes up,
we'll be off to Puddleby.

Wonderful night for flying.

By my calculations I should
be home in time for breakfast.

The stars are made
of lemon drops

The bigger ones
are lollipops and ice

The clouds have shops
up on the tops

That sell you sweets
and soda pops

What do they call the place
Isn't it paradise

Maybe what the doctor tells me

Isn't altogether true

But I know every tale he tells me

I don't know any better ones
Do you

My friend the doctor says
the world is full of fantasy

And who are you and I
to disagree

Let's hope and pray
that is the way

The life we love
will always stay

For my friend the doctor

And me