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1
00:00:07,708 --> 00:00:09,808
You're the worst. All newwednesdays at 10:00.
2
00:00:09,810 --> 00:00:10,943
Only on fxx.
3
00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:15,247
Announcer:
Fx presents better things.
4
00:00:20,988 --> 00:00:22,688
Hi, Sam.
5
00:00:22,690 --> 00:00:24,356
Hi, Dr. akoya.
6
00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:25,691
How are you doing?
7
00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:27,459
I'm okay.
8
00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:29,361
Been behaving yourself?
9
00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:31,864
Well, you're
about to find out.
10
00:00:31,866 --> 00:00:33,365
You might find
some evidence in there.
11
00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:35,234
[Laughing]
12
00:00:35,236 --> 00:00:36,702
Gosh, you're so crazy.
13
00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:39,071
I can see you haven't
been behaving yourself.
14
00:00:39,073 --> 00:00:41,840
You've got a belly full
of dicks there, young lady.
15
00:00:41,842 --> 00:00:43,575
Oh, god!
16
00:00:43,577 --> 00:00:46,311
- Sam, you must stop.
- Sorry.
17
00:00:46,313 --> 00:00:47,579
Okay, shall we take a look?
18
00:00:47,581 --> 00:00:50,482
- [Exhale] Fine.
- All right.
19
00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:53,085
Okay. Anyway,
20
00:00:53,087 --> 00:00:56,088
I was just kidding.
I haven't done anythi-ing.
21
00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:07,499
Okay?
22
00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:09,134
Yeah.
23
00:01:11,672 --> 00:01:14,039
Right. Okay.
24
00:01:14,041 --> 00:01:16,208
All good. All normal.
25
00:01:16,210 --> 00:01:19,912
Okay. Normal, like...
26
00:01:19,914 --> 00:01:21,947
For my age?
27
00:01:21,949 --> 00:01:23,215
How close am I?
28
00:01:23,217 --> 00:01:24,850
Close to...
29
00:01:24,852 --> 00:01:27,119
Like, have I shut down
down there?
30
00:01:27,121 --> 00:01:28,353
Am I a man yet?
31
00:01:28,355 --> 00:01:30,556
Please tell me I'm
close to being a man.
32
00:01:30,558 --> 00:01:31,890
No more periods.
33
00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:34,760
Sam, I hate to tell you,
34
00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:36,462
but you have
the reproductive system
35
00:01:36,464 --> 00:01:37,696
of a 16-year-old.
36
00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:40,065
Oh, my god.
37
00:01:40,067 --> 00:01:43,702
Yeah. Your tubes are
ripe and working.
38
00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:46,371
Jesus, that's so weird.
39
00:01:46,373 --> 00:01:48,474
Why?
40
00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:51,110
I don't know. I just...
Because...
41
00:01:51,112 --> 00:01:53,278
Ew! Shut up.
Stop talking about me.
42
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,114
Okay. All right.
43
00:01:55,116 --> 00:01:57,349
Talk about you.
When are you due?
44
00:01:58,886 --> 00:02:00,786
Any bloody minute,
as you can see.
45
00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:03,155
Can I feel?
46
00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:05,257
- Yeah, of course.
- Oh!
47
00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:08,327
Hello, there, baby.
48
00:02:08,329 --> 00:02:10,562
Your mommy's a doctor.
49
00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:15,000
And your daddy's a...
Uh, writer?
50
00:02:15,002 --> 00:02:19,505
Yeah, yeah. He, um, well,
he's trying to write.
51
00:02:19,507 --> 00:02:21,240
Mm.
52
00:02:24,912 --> 00:02:26,745
So this is so weird.
53
00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:29,615
Um, I went
to Dr. akoya today.
54
00:02:29,617 --> 00:02:30,782
She pregnant?
55
00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:32,251
Yeah.
56
00:02:32,253 --> 00:02:33,185
- Really?
- Oh, my god.
57
00:02:33,187 --> 00:02:34,486
I know.
That's annoying.
58
00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:36,688
- Why?
- I don't know.
59
00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:38,423
She should take
a leave of absence
when she's pregnant.
60
00:02:38,425 --> 00:02:41,193
- Why?
- I don't know.
61
00:02:41,195 --> 00:02:43,328
Oh, baby,
are you pausing yet?
62
00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:45,931
No. Okay, so this
is the weird thing.
63
00:02:45,933 --> 00:02:47,199
I assumed, you know.
64
00:02:47,201 --> 00:02:49,501
I thought I was at
the end of the rope here,
65
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:52,171
and I was kind of hoping that
she was going to say that.
66
00:02:52,173 --> 00:02:55,841
But apparently I have
the reproductive system
67
00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:57,776
of a 16-year-old. Like,
68
00:02:57,778 --> 00:03:00,512
my tubes are really good,
69
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:03,015
and my eggs are still coming,
70
00:03:03,017 --> 00:03:06,785
and I'm fully functional
and productive
71
00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:10,222
and just the reproductive
system of a 16-year-old.
72
00:03:11,959 --> 00:03:13,058
Hmm.
73
00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:16,929
Did I fart? What's wrong?
74
00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:21,533
But your eggs are... Fried.
75
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:23,035
Right? I mean, they're...
Rotten.
76
00:03:23,037 --> 00:03:26,371
It's not like you
can make anything.
77
00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:28,740
Um...
78
00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:30,876
Do you want to have a baby?
79
00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:33,345
- No. I just...
- Then why did you bring it up?
80
00:03:33,347 --> 00:03:35,480
I just thought it was funny.
81
00:03:35,482 --> 00:03:37,416
Oh. Well, it is.
It's funny.
82
00:03:38,752 --> 00:03:41,253
Um, okay.
83
00:03:41,255 --> 00:03:43,322
I think I'm going
to have the s'mores.
84
00:03:45,326 --> 00:03:49,428
Mother, you had me
85
00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:55,300
but I never had you
86
00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:03,275
I, I wanted you
87
00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:09,248
you didn't want me
88
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:18,257
as long as you're
doing all this,
89
00:04:18,259 --> 00:04:20,359
can you help me out
on the chin a little?
90
00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:21,727
Do I have to be an alien
91
00:04:21,729 --> 00:04:24,396
who's also an aging
lady with whiskers?
92
00:04:24,398 --> 00:04:26,465
Don't women
on the planet zeepzop
93
00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:28,800
get electrolysis or whatever?
94
00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:30,302
[Laughter]
95
00:04:30,304 --> 00:04:32,371
No, but seriously,
can you...
96
00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:35,374
Hi, Sam.
97
00:04:35,376 --> 00:04:38,076
Oh. Hi.
98
00:04:38,078 --> 00:04:41,146
So, um, this is just...
99
00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:42,814
I'm sorry,
but thank you so much.
100
00:04:42,816 --> 00:04:45,150
What?
101
00:04:45,152 --> 00:04:48,954
Uh, you can get out of
that make-up and go home.
102
00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:51,290
Home to the hotel?
103
00:04:51,292 --> 00:04:54,293
No.
Home to Los Angeles.
104
00:04:54,295 --> 00:04:56,495
Oh.
105
00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:58,930
Oh.
106
00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:00,899
Got it. I'm fired.
107
00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:02,301
No. Not exactly.
108
00:05:02,303 --> 00:05:03,735
They decided that
109
00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:05,337
instead of the horvan
crystal getting destroyed
110
00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:07,072
and then having to come
back to the planet
111
00:05:07,074 --> 00:05:08,507
to seek the source,
they're just going to go
112
00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:10,475
straight to the peevan galaxy.
113
00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:11,943
Oh. No. Totally.
114
00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:14,413
Also, we, uh, would
really appreciate it
115
00:05:14,415 --> 00:05:16,782
if you didn't divulge
any of the story points
to the public
116
00:05:16,784 --> 00:05:19,351
or post any selfies
while still in make-up.
117
00:05:20,688 --> 00:05:22,120
Copy that.
118
00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:23,522
Hi.
119
00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:26,358
Can we smoke
in your cab?
120
00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:31,997
How many kids
do you have, Curtis?
121
00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:33,765
[jamaican accent]
I got four kids, man.
122
00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:35,467
Are any of them
named Curtis?
123
00:05:35,469 --> 00:05:37,703
Uh-huh. No, them all
girl, you see,
124
00:05:37,705 --> 00:05:40,138
but I'm on working on
getting me a Curtis,
125
00:05:40,140 --> 00:05:43,108
and I will not quit
until I get me one.
126
00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:44,209
[Laughing]
127
00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:46,311
So how many kids
you got, darling?
128
00:05:46,313 --> 00:05:48,180
I have three girls.
129
00:05:48,182 --> 00:05:49,514
Is the daddy
a good man?
130
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:52,351
Um... Uh...
131
00:05:52,353 --> 00:05:53,885
I get the picture.
132
00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:55,454
That's why, cuz,
i will never,
133
00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:56,955
never leave my children.
134
00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:58,557
Never.
135
00:05:58,559 --> 00:06:01,226
Yeah, so you get to
tuck them in every night,
136
00:06:01,228 --> 00:06:02,461
right, daddy?
137
00:06:02,463 --> 00:06:05,397
Soon come.
They live in Jamaica.
138
00:06:10,237 --> 00:06:11,703
- Yoo-hoo!
- Hi, mom.
139
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,505
- Hello, darling.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
140
00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:15,006
- Hi.
- Don't come over here.
141
00:06:15,008 --> 00:06:16,341
Don't come over here.
Don't come...
142
00:06:16,343 --> 00:06:18,543
Have a good day, mom.
143
00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:20,145
- What are you doing?
- I got to go...
144
00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:21,480
What are you doing?
145
00:06:21,482 --> 00:06:23,849
I just got back from
working in Canada.
146
00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:27,185
Canada? You know, it's legal
to be a prostitute there.
147
00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:28,387
Fascinating, isn't it?
148
00:06:28,389 --> 00:06:30,155
If you're not a child.
149
00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:32,557
It's illegal to pay
for a prostitute,
150
00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:34,359
but it's legal to be one.
151
00:06:34,361 --> 00:06:37,596
Oh. Good. Well, anyway...
152
00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:41,600
[sigh]... They let me go
a day early, so...
153
00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:43,602
Where are the girls?
154
00:06:43,604 --> 00:06:45,404
Well,
i assume they're here,
155
00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:47,873
although they don't answer
their phones to torture me.
156
00:06:47,875 --> 00:06:49,241
Susie's with them.
157
00:06:49,243 --> 00:06:51,410
Oh. Why didn't you
ask me to watch them
158
00:06:51,412 --> 00:06:53,178
- when you were gone?
- Oh, that's okay.
159
00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:54,513
Well, anyway,
it's impossible,
160
00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:55,881
because
i couldn't have done,
161
00:06:55,882 --> 00:06:57,248
because we had
a neighborhood watch meeting
162
00:06:57,251 --> 00:06:59,017
to discuss
disaster response.
163
00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:01,586
Mom, I want to go
inside now.
164
00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:03,054
Yes. I know, but...
165
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:04,222
- Okay.
- Hold on a minute
166
00:07:04,224 --> 00:07:05,457
because what I wanted
to tell you
167
00:07:05,459 --> 00:07:08,059
was that I'm
building up my muscles.
168
00:07:08,061 --> 00:07:09,428
And look.
Look at my arm.
169
00:07:09,430 --> 00:07:11,530
- That's good. Good.
- No, look. Feel it.
170
00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:13,298
- Nope.
- Because what's interesting
171
00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:15,233
is that my nail
is falling off,
172
00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:16,601
- and that's disgusting.
- No. Mom, I don't...
173
00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:18,637
But my muscles are really,
really good.
174
00:07:18,639 --> 00:07:20,038
- Go on, feel them, Sam.
- No, no.
175
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:21,306
Let me see yours, then.
176
00:07:21,308 --> 00:07:23,642
No, mom! I don't want
to stand outside
177
00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:27,279
and compare bodies with you
like we're grooming chimps.
178
00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:29,981
I'm sorry.
179
00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:32,117
Time to go home now,
though.
180
00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:35,220
You certainly told me.
181
00:07:35,222 --> 00:07:36,988
Yes. Home. Now.
182
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:38,323
All right.
183
00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:43,295
Oh.
184
00:07:53,941 --> 00:07:55,474
Oh, shit.
185
00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:57,209
[Gasp]
186
00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:00,512
Oh, shit.
187
00:08:00,514 --> 00:08:02,647
Hello.
188
00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:04,549
[Gasp]
189
00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:10,088
[Phone rings]
190
00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:15,360
[Ring]
191
00:08:18,599 --> 00:08:21,366
[Ring]
192
00:08:23,537 --> 00:08:24,936
[Ring]
193
00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:32,043
No, mom. I mean, you
weren't even supposed
to be home today.
194
00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:33,612
We would have
cleaned it all up.
195
00:08:33,614 --> 00:08:35,780
This... this doesn't
even count.
196
00:08:35,782 --> 00:08:37,249
Sam?
197
00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:40,619
[Sigh] Hi, susie.
198
00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:41,953
Hi.
199
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:44,956
Susie, I didn't mean it.
200
00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:46,658
I didn't mean hi.
201
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,727
Sorry.
202
00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:51,062
Where is Duke?
203
00:08:51,064 --> 00:08:52,564
Duke is sleeping
at lam's house,
204
00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:54,366
and Max...
205
00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:57,369
Oh, no, no, I don't give a shit
where Max is right now.
206
00:08:57,371 --> 00:08:59,504
Mom, you're freakazoid.
207
00:08:59,506 --> 00:09:00,906
Please stop freaking out
208
00:09:00,908 --> 00:09:03,174
so we don't have to send you
to a mental hospital.
209
00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:04,509
This is
what I'm going to do.
210
00:09:04,511 --> 00:09:06,411
I'm going to go upstairs
and take a long nap,
211
00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:08,313
like susie got to,
212
00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:11,516
and then I'm going
to come downstairs,
213
00:09:11,518 --> 00:09:13,218
and all of this is going
to be cleaned up.
214
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:16,588
Mom, I can't.
I have soccer, remember?
215
00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:18,757
Are you taking me
to soccer?
216
00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:20,392
I'll take her.
217
00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:27,198
Hello.
218
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:28,767
Hi, mom.
219
00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:30,602
Hello, darling.
220
00:09:30,604 --> 00:09:32,370
Uh, tell me about
your muscles
221
00:09:32,372 --> 00:09:33,772
and the water thing.
222
00:09:33,774 --> 00:09:36,241
You can do it now
if you want.
223
00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:40,779
Oh. Well, you know
Marshall Sanders.
224
00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:41,713
Uh, well, he's
225
00:09:41,715 --> 00:09:43,348
the watch commander,
226
00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:46,685
and his wife died
last year,
227
00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:48,787
and I don't know whether
I'm making it up,
228
00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:51,122
but I think he's got
his eye on me
229
00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:53,792
because do you rememberhow he looked at mein the grocery store?
230
00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:55,594
And then I thought
to myself,
231
00:09:55,596 --> 00:09:58,697
god, "watch commander"...
Aptly named.
232
00:09:58,699 --> 00:09:59,731
But I might be wrong.
Anyway,
233
00:09:59,733 --> 00:10:01,032
but the thing is,
234
00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:02,767
I was very, very pleased
235
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,869
that he chose me to be
in charge of water
236
00:10:04,871 --> 00:10:07,038
because I thought it was
quite a responsible position,
237
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:09,574
don't you think?
It is, isn't it?
238
00:10:09,576 --> 00:10:12,811
And so I've got to be
very on the ball
239
00:10:12,813 --> 00:10:14,412
in case
there's an earthquake.
240
00:10:14,414 --> 00:10:15,780
Um, and then he'll
be pleased with me,
241
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:16,948
don't you think?
242
00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:19,818
Anyway,
243
00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:22,654
so the doctor says
I'm losing muscle mass,
244
00:10:22,656 --> 00:10:24,456
- but he's a liar.
- Uh-huh.
245
00:10:24,458 --> 00:10:26,658
And he can't tell me
what's happening to my body
246
00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:28,393
because I know.
247
00:10:28,395 --> 00:10:32,163
So I'm trying to decide
if I should sue him.
248
00:10:32,165 --> 00:10:34,265
What do you think?
249
00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:35,900
And then he'd stop.
250
00:10:35,902 --> 00:10:37,435
Singer:
there is a house
251
00:10:37,437 --> 00:10:44,509
in New Orleans
252
00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:46,911
Phil.
253
00:10:46,913 --> 00:10:48,313
Yes, darling?
254
00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:50,115
Do you have any vodka?
255
00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:52,317
I always have vodka.
256
00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:01,526
Sam: What was the name
of the man
257
00:11:01,528 --> 00:11:03,762
that you were dating
when you met my dad?
258
00:11:03,764 --> 00:11:04,663
[Sigh]
259
00:11:04,665 --> 00:11:06,665
[Laugh]
260
00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:08,299
Audrey.
261
00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:09,634
That's right.
262
00:11:09,636 --> 00:11:11,803
That's amazing. Audrey.
263
00:11:11,805 --> 00:11:12,871
Hmm.
264
00:11:12,873 --> 00:11:15,473
He swept me off my feet.
265
00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:17,642
Then why didn't you marry him?
266
00:11:17,644 --> 00:11:19,944
Oh, no, no.
You don't marry the man
267
00:11:19,946 --> 00:11:21,846
who sweeps you
off your feet.
268
00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:23,848
You marry the man
who pulls you back down
269
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,050
and grounds you,
270
00:11:25,052 --> 00:11:26,718
takes care of you.
271
00:11:27,888 --> 00:11:29,320
My dad.
272
00:11:29,322 --> 00:11:31,222
No.
273
00:11:32,526 --> 00:11:34,159
What do you mean?
274
00:11:34,161 --> 00:11:39,030
I met Audrey in 1960,
275
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:42,734
and I fell
in love immediately.
276
00:11:42,736 --> 00:11:46,971
And he took me to New Zealand
to live by a vineyard
277
00:11:46,973 --> 00:11:52,477
while he picked grapes
for about five cents a pound.
278
00:11:52,479 --> 00:11:54,979
And then I met Joseph,
279
00:11:54,981 --> 00:11:57,082
and he was
an American businessman.
280
00:11:57,084 --> 00:12:00,085
He was very small
and serious.
281
00:12:00,087 --> 00:12:01,720
And he saw me
in the village,
282
00:12:01,722 --> 00:12:05,890
and he said,
"I'm gonna marry you,"
283
00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:08,760
and told me how much he made
284
00:12:08,762 --> 00:12:11,496
and he could provide for me,
285
00:12:11,498 --> 00:12:14,699
and so I grew up,
286
00:12:14,701 --> 00:12:17,202
and I said yes to Joseph.
287
00:12:17,204 --> 00:12:19,404
What the hell?
288
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:22,741
What the hell, mom.
I don't know this story.
289
00:12:22,743 --> 00:12:24,342
- [Chuckles]
- What happened to Joseph?
290
00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:27,345
Well, we were getting ready
291
00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:29,514
to go back to the states
to get married,
292
00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:32,183
and I said good-bye
to Audrey.
293
00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:36,721
But then Joseph died.
294
00:12:36,723 --> 00:12:38,957
[Laughing]
295
00:12:38,959 --> 00:12:41,893
Jesus. He died?
296
00:12:41,895 --> 00:12:43,928
He drowned.
297
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:47,599
He got drunk
and fell in a puddle.
298
00:12:47,601 --> 00:12:49,868
Well, it was raining.
299
00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:52,971
And so then
i went back to Audrey.
300
00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:56,641
And then two years later,
i met your father.
301
00:12:56,643 --> 00:12:58,009
[Chuckles]
302
00:13:01,748 --> 00:13:04,816
So why did you marry my dad?
303
00:13:04,818 --> 00:13:07,252
[Sighs]
304
00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:08,987
I don't know.
[Sighs]
305
00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:10,955
Why'd you marry him?
306
00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:12,457
[Trailing]
I don't know...
307
00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:13,892
Why'd you marry my dad?
308
00:13:16,263 --> 00:13:19,631
[Exhales, mutters]
309
00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:23,902
- [Door closes]
- [Footsteps approaching]
310
00:13:27,073 --> 00:13:29,808
[Moaning]
311
00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:31,142
[Footsteps departing]
312
00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:34,746
[Sighs]
313
00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:40,819
[Sighs]
314
00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:42,921
[Moans]
315
00:13:55,302 --> 00:13:58,303
So are you ever gonna
say something?
316
00:13:58,305 --> 00:14:00,939
About what?
317
00:14:00,941 --> 00:14:02,340
Oh, my god. Nothing.
318
00:14:04,110 --> 00:14:06,377
Are you ever gonna
say something?
319
00:14:06,379 --> 00:14:07,812
About what?
320
00:14:07,814 --> 00:14:10,181
Oh! About my dad leaving.
321
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,884
What?
322
00:14:12,886 --> 00:14:14,552
Yeah, I didn't think so.
323
00:14:16,823 --> 00:14:19,457
Max, you had a party.
324
00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:22,327
No, it wasn't a party.
And anyway, you left.
325
00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:27,065
- I had to work.
- God, you don't
have to work, mom.
326
00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:31,736
What? How do you think
we ever have anything?
327
00:14:31,738 --> 00:14:35,473
You work because
you want to be famous.
328
00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:38,243
Dad told me. You have tons
of money in savings,
329
00:14:38,245 --> 00:14:41,746
and he is living like shit.
330
00:14:41,748 --> 00:14:44,215
This is so unfair that
i think I'm gonna pass out.
331
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:46,918
Oh, my god.
Yeah, mom, you're the victim.
332
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:48,219
Everything is unfair.
333
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:56,728
Max, I try like hell
334
00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:58,730
to be fair to your father
335
00:14:58,732 --> 00:15:00,331
and not put you
in the middle.
336
00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:03,568
I'm human,
but I do try that.
337
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,370
But you're 16 now,
338
00:15:05,372 --> 00:15:08,873
and that's old enough
to know how unfair it is
339
00:15:08,875 --> 00:15:11,175
what you just said to me.
340
00:15:11,177 --> 00:15:13,945
You know,
it really disgusts me
341
00:15:13,947 --> 00:15:16,180
how you will sometimes
say anything
342
00:15:16,182 --> 00:15:19,684
to avoid responsibility
for your mistakes.
343
00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:21,753
You had a party,
344
00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:25,089
and you wrecked the house.
345
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:27,125
You're not the first kid
to do that.
346
00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:29,360
It's not the end
of the world.
347
00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:32,931
Then why are you acting
like it is?
348
00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:35,400
Because you make me get
this mad
349
00:15:35,402 --> 00:15:39,604
before you even look up
from your phone!
350
00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:42,106
And you act like
your shit don't stink
351
00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:43,708
and you shouldn't answer
for anything.
352
00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:44,909
But you know what, baby?
353
00:15:44,911 --> 00:15:46,978
Your shit does stink.
354
00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:50,148
And your father
lives better than I do!
355
00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:52,216
And I pay for all of it!
356
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:56,854
[Groans]
357
00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:00,959
[Phone buzzing]
358
00:16:02,963 --> 00:16:04,629
Answer your phone.
359
00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:10,134
Hello?
360
00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:12,437
If you can meet me somewhere
tomorrow at ten in the morning,
361
00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:15,006
then we can do it
maybe even twice.
362
00:16:15,008 --> 00:16:16,074
I have a meeting at noon.
363
00:16:18,078 --> 00:16:20,011
Yes, I will be there then.
364
00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:23,047
Bye.
365
00:16:25,618 --> 00:16:27,418
[Exhales]
366
00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:33,758
Frankie: 20 years
since they were kids,
367
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:35,093
they never left, they let...
It's like this amazing story.
368
00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:36,995
So I asked
if I could do my project,
369
00:16:36,997 --> 00:16:39,263
like, I have three of
my friends stay in my basement
for, like, a month.
370
00:16:39,265 --> 00:16:42,033
And then we all write
about it afterwards to
see what it felt like.
371
00:16:42,035 --> 00:16:44,769
And it was like...
Mom, are you listening?
372
00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:48,806
- Yes. What? Tell me.
- Ugh! Mom, listen.
373
00:16:48,808 --> 00:16:51,175
- Okay, go.
- I'm telling you about
this because it's important!
374
00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:53,044
Frankie, don't speak
to your mother like that!
375
00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:55,279
Ugh! Anyway, my teacher was
like, "no, you can't do that."
376
00:16:55,281 --> 00:16:56,881
But I was like,
"oh, this is just so...
377
00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:59,050
- mommy, I don't
get what this is.
- Oh, my god!
378
00:16:59,052 --> 00:17:00,551
- Frankie!
- Hey!
379
00:17:00,553 --> 00:17:02,153
Stop. Save it for later.
380
00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:05,189
[Growls]
Oh, I want to kill everybody.
381
00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:08,059
- Calm down.
- Mommy, what is this
ever gonna do?
382
00:17:08,061 --> 00:17:10,495
It's this women
and girls empowerment thing,
and it's annoying.
383
00:17:10,497 --> 00:17:13,197
Women and girls empowerment
is annoying?
384
00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:14,866
It is the way
my school does it.
385
00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:17,068
The people get up there
and they talk and they ruin it.
386
00:17:17,070 --> 00:17:19,637
Oh, well,
I'll try not to ruin it.
387
00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:21,639
Now, come on,
we're here for your mother.
388
00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:23,241
- No, we're not.
- Yes, we are.
389
00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:25,143
Hey, Patty.
390
00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:27,812
[Gasps]
Sam, thank god you're here.
391
00:17:27,814 --> 00:17:29,313
Hi, miss donner.
Donner, donner...
392
00:17:29,315 --> 00:17:31,149
Did you think
i wasn't gonna come?
393
00:17:31,151 --> 00:17:33,217
Well, two of my speakers
flaked on me.
394
00:17:33,219 --> 00:17:35,253
- Oh, my god.
- I'm gonna start.
395
00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:38,222
- Okay, so who's on first?
- It's just you.
396
00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:41,025
- Oh, shit.
- Darling!
397
00:17:41,027 --> 00:17:42,827
Okay? I'm starting.
398
00:17:42,829 --> 00:17:45,163
- Donner, donner,
donner, donner.
- God!
399
00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:48,433
I am so happy
you all could come
400
00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:53,071
to our women and girls
empowerment seminar.
401
00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:55,440
We have one guest speaker.
402
00:17:55,442 --> 00:17:58,109
And tonight she's gonna speak
about being a mom
403
00:17:58,111 --> 00:18:01,913
- and having a career.
- Nobody cares.
404
00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:06,517
Please welcome
our very own Sam fox.
405
00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:09,020
- Oof.
- [Applause]
406
00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:14,092
Yeah, mom! Go, mom!
407
00:18:22,302 --> 00:18:25,436
[Clears throat]
Thank you, Patty.
408
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:28,306
Um, well...
[Clears throat]
409
00:18:28,308 --> 00:18:32,143
I work and I am a mom.
410
00:18:32,145 --> 00:18:35,446
And some of you might
later in life
411
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:40,551
find yourselves in
the same situation, I hope.
412
00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:46,390
Because you girls can be
anything you want.
413
00:18:46,392 --> 00:18:48,226
You know,
when I was a girl,
414
00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:50,761
no one ever really said
that women had jobs,
415
00:18:50,763 --> 00:18:53,965
except marlo Thomas
and Mary Tyler Moore.
416
00:18:53,967 --> 00:18:57,768
- [Man laughs]
- Thank you, Henry.
417
00:18:57,770 --> 00:19:01,939
But, uh...
418
00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:03,674
We can do it all!
419
00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:06,744
And we have to do it all,
because in the end,
420
00:19:06,746 --> 00:19:11,415
the mom, the women,
are the ones left watching.
421
00:19:18,525 --> 00:19:20,158
Okay, this is...
422
00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:25,296
Let me ask you all a question.
423
00:19:25,298 --> 00:19:29,333
How many girls out there
get your period?
424
00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:32,336
Yeah, you heard me.
425
00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:37,542
If anybody here has got their
period yet, put your hand up.
426
00:19:37,544 --> 00:19:39,210
Put your hand up.
It's okay.
427
00:19:39,212 --> 00:19:41,012
It's okay.
428
00:19:41,014 --> 00:19:42,980
Who's cotton-holing?
429
00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:44,282
I know, gross.
430
00:19:44,284 --> 00:19:46,817
But we're all girls
and women here.
431
00:19:46,819 --> 00:19:48,219
It's just us.
432
00:19:48,221 --> 00:19:52,223
So come on, Frankie,
help me out.
433
00:19:52,225 --> 00:19:55,059
- Mom!
- Come on, raise your hand.
434
00:19:55,061 --> 00:19:56,994
Listen, Frankie and i
went through it last week.
435
00:19:56,996 --> 00:20:00,965
She was stealing her sister's
tampons for half a year
before she told me.
436
00:20:00,967 --> 00:20:02,833
- Mom!
- Frankie.
437
00:20:02,835 --> 00:20:04,235
Be a leader.
Get your hand up.
438
00:20:04,237 --> 00:20:06,537
- Mom!
- Help 'em out.
439
00:20:08,208 --> 00:20:09,874
Good girl! There!
440
00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:12,877
Anybody else? Who else here?
Who's bleeding?
441
00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:16,581
There you go! Good! So brave!
442
00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:18,683
Come on, moms,
let's hear it for them.
443
00:20:18,685 --> 00:20:23,654
All right, who here has
not gotten their period yet?
444
00:20:23,656 --> 00:20:25,389
Wow! Okay!
445
00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:28,593
Well, you girls are in for it.
You really are.
446
00:20:28,595 --> 00:20:30,895
But we all got your backs,
right?
447
00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:34,432
Who here is having
their period right now?
448
00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:36,901
I know I am!
Can you tell?
449
00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:38,502
All right! Thank you!
450
00:20:38,504 --> 00:20:41,072
Mrs. donner! Yeah!
451
00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:44,375
Moms? Thank you!
Hands, hands.
452
00:20:44,377 --> 00:20:47,111
Sisters all!
453
00:20:47,113 --> 00:20:53,017
Who here has stopped getting
their period altogether?
454
00:20:53,019 --> 00:20:55,920
Aunt flo has left
the station forever.
455
00:20:57,257 --> 00:21:00,191
Mom. Mom.
456
00:21:03,429 --> 00:21:05,029
Thank you!
457
00:21:05,031 --> 00:21:07,798
Thank you for that!
Thank you!
458
00:21:11,304 --> 00:21:14,238
Look, we're all girls,
and we're all women.
459
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:17,275
And we all bleed,
and we all suffer.
460
00:21:17,277 --> 00:21:21,078
And then the bleeding stops,
and we still suffer.
461
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:22,613
But you're gonna find
your own path,
462
00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:25,916
because we're tough,
and we can take it.
463
00:21:25,918 --> 00:21:28,286
And as long as you believe
in yourself,
464
00:21:28,288 --> 00:21:31,055
and you take care
of each other
465
00:21:31,057 --> 00:21:32,556
and watch out for each other,
466
00:21:32,558 --> 00:21:35,092
you just make the rest up
as you go along.
467
00:21:35,094 --> 00:21:36,827
That's all there is to it.
468
00:21:36,829 --> 00:21:39,463
That's it! Thank you!
469
00:21:39,465 --> 00:21:41,899
Thank you!
Thank you, Detroit!
470
00:21:41,901 --> 00:21:43,901
[Cheering and applause]
471
00:21:50,410 --> 00:21:53,311
Good job, mom.
Also, I hate you.
472
00:21:53,313 --> 00:21:55,346
I know.
It's okay.
473
00:22:10,596 --> 00:22:12,830
- Okay.
- Yeah.
474
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:15,366
Do you have a condom?
475
00:22:17,870 --> 00:22:20,338
- No.
- You need to use a condom.
476
00:22:24,444 --> 00:22:26,510
You never asked me before.
477
00:22:26,512 --> 00:22:28,045
I know.
478
00:22:29,816 --> 00:22:31,182
Shit.
479
00:22:31,184 --> 00:22:34,785
Wait, wait.
I'll be right back.
480
00:22:34,787 --> 00:22:36,354
Stay.
481
00:23:39,585 --> 00:23:41,452
[Record needle skipping]
482
00:23:54,901 --> 00:23:57,968
(Toilet flushing)
483
00:23:57,970 --> 00:23:59,703
(Floor creaks)
484
00:23:59,705 --> 00:24:03,474
(Footsteps on stairs)
485
00:24:03,476 --> 00:24:06,277
(Knocking)
Teenage girl: Mom!
486
00:24:08,114 --> 00:24:09,980
(Knocking continues)
Announcer: Better things.
487
00:24:09,982 --> 00:24:12,383
All new Thursdaysat 10:00 on fx.
Mom!
488
00:24:19,125 --> 00:24:22,193
(R & b instrumental)
489
00:24:44,584 --> 00:24:47,418
(Snoring)
490
00:24:49,589 --> 00:24:51,255
(Dog barks)
491
00:24:56,028 --> 00:24:57,995
(Birds
chirping)
492
00:25:02,301 --> 00:25:05,169
(Growling, faint)
493
00:25:06,138 --> 00:25:07,838
(Sirens wailing in distance)
494
00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:09,840
(Growling)
495
00:25:09,842 --> 00:25:11,442
(Snarls)
496
00:25:11,444 --> 00:25:15,513
Announcer: The strain,
all new Sundays at 10:00 on fx.
31607
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