All language subtitles for Adam.Ruins.Everything.S01E12.720p.HDTV.x264-W4F

>> Here's a challenge.
I want you to believe
what I'm about to tell you.

I want you to believe
what I'm about to tell you.
Not just hear it, not just

what I'm about to tell you.
Not just hear it, not just
understand it, but believe it.

Not just hear it, not just
understand it, but believe it.
It's a fact that you already

understand it, but believe it.
It's a fact that you already
know to be true,

It's a fact that you already
know to be true,
but have never been able

know to be true,
but have never been able
to fully accept.

but have never been able
to fully accept.
And it's this:

to fully accept.
And it's this:
You are going to die.

And it's this:
You are going to die.
You, the person listening to me

You are going to die.
You, the person listening to me
right now, are going to die.

It's difficult even to imagine,
isn't it?
Take a moment and try to picture

isn't it?
Take a moment and try to picture
what it's like to not exist.

Take a moment and try to picture
what it's like to not exist.
You can't do it.

what it's like to not exist.
You can't do it.
You're imagining darkness.

You can't do it.
You're imagining darkness.
Black.

You're imagining darkness.
Black.
But there will be no black.

Black.
But there will be no black.
There will be no color,

But there will be no black.
There will be no color,
because there will be no you

There will be no color,
because there will be no you
to perceive it.

because there will be no you
to perceive it.
And your mind recoils

to perceive it.
And your mind recoils
from that idea.

And your mind recoils
from that idea.
It's simply unable to conceive

from that idea.
It's simply unable to conceive
of its own nonexistence,

It's simply unable to conceive
of its own nonexistence,
and so it concludes

of its own nonexistence,
and so it concludes
that it's impossible,

and so it concludes
that it's impossible,
that you'll live forever.

that it's impossible,
that you'll live forever.
But you won't.

that you'll live forever.
But you won't.
All things end.

But you won't.
All things end.
All motion slows.

All things end.
All motion slows.
All heat becomes cold.

All motion slows.
All heat becomes cold.
Life is an eddy in that current

All heat becomes cold.
Life is an eddy in that current
of entropy,

Life is an eddy in that current
of entropy,
a brief chemical reaction that

of entropy,
a brief chemical reaction that
lights up the darkness and then,

a brief chemical reaction that
lights up the darkness and then,
its fuel spent, dissipates back

lights up the darkness and then,
its fuel spent, dissipates back
to nothing, just like you will.

its fuel spent, dissipates back
to nothing, just like you will.
Your body is a marvelous and

to nothing, just like you will.
Your body is a marvelous and
intricate machine built out

Your body is a marvelous and
intricate machine built out
of millions of interconnected

intricate machine built out
of millions of interconnected
fragile systems,

of millions of interconnected
fragile systems,
and as you age, each begins

fragile systems,
and as you age, each begins
to slowly, but surely,

and as you age, each begins
to slowly, but surely,
deteriorate and break down.

to slowly, but surely,
deteriorate and break down.
When one fails, a doctor may be

deteriorate and break down.
When one fails, a doctor may be
able to repair it, but at some

When one fails, a doctor may be
able to repair it, but at some
point, there will be too many

able to repair it, but at some
point, there will be too many
interlocking failures to

point, there will be too many
interlocking failures to
proceed, and like a cascade of

interlocking failures to
proceed, and like a cascade of
dominos, your joints,

proceed, and like a cascade of
dominos, your joints,
your eyes, your heart,

dominos, your joints,
your eyes, your heart,
your lungs, your memory,

your eyes, your heart,
your lungs, your memory,
your entire body will fail.

your lungs, your memory,
your entire body will fail.
It will happen.

your entire body will fail.
It will happen.
And while it's difficult to hear

It will happen.
And while it's difficult to hear
this truth, it is essential that

And while it's difficult to hear
this truth, it is essential that
you accept it,

this truth, it is essential that
you accept it,
because every second that goes

you accept it,
because every second that goes
by in which you don't is a

because every second that goes
by in which you don't is a
second of your precious

by in which you don't is a
second of your precious
and finite life

second of your precious
and finite life
that you risk wasting.

and finite life
that you risk wasting.
So I'm going to say it once

that you risk wasting.
So I'm going to say it once
more, and this time, try as hard

So I'm going to say it once
more, and this time, try as hard
as you can to believe me.

more, and this time, try as hard
as you can to believe me.
You, yes, you, will die,

and there is nothing
you can do to stop it.
How's that?

you can do to stop it.
How's that?
>> What the (bleep)?

How's that?
>> What the (bleep)?
>> Too much?

>> What the (bleep)?
>> Too much?
>> Yeah, that's a lot

>> Too much?
>> Yeah, that's a lot
for a first date.

>> Yeah, that's a lot
for a first date.
>> Yeah, maybe I shouldn't

for a first date.
>> Yeah, maybe I shouldn't
open with it.

>> Yeah, maybe I shouldn't
open with it.
>> Also, what's with

open with it.
>> Also, what's with
the hourglass?

>> Also, what's with
the hourglass?
Do you just carry that thing

the hourglass?
Do you just carry that thing
around for dramatic effect?

Do you just carry that thing
around for dramatic effect?
>> Yeah.

around for dramatic effect?
>> Yeah.
And I use it to boil eggs.

>> Yeah.
And I use it to boil eggs.
A little heavy-handed, I know.

And I use it to boil eggs.
A little heavy-handed, I know.
>> Oh, she's here.

A little heavy-handed, I know.
>> Oh, she's here.
So I think that Haylie might

>> Oh, she's here.
So I think that Haylie might
actually maybe for some reason

So I think that Haylie might
actually maybe for some reason
like you, so ix-nay

actually maybe for some reason
like you, so ix-nay
on the death stuff.

like you, so ix-nay
on the death stuff.
Just ask her if she's, like,

on the death stuff.
Just ask her if she's, like,
a cat person or a dog person.

Just ask her if she's, like,
a cat person or a dog person.
>> I'm a turtle person.

a cat person or a dog person.
>> I'm a turtle person.
>> Just keep it light.

>> I'm a turtle person.
>> Just keep it light.
You know, tell the truth.

>> Just keep it light.
You know, tell the truth.
>> The awful truth!

You know, tell the truth.
>> The awful truth!
>> Ugh, no. No.

>> The awful truth!
>> Ugh, no. No.
Just-- Don't be yourself.

>> Ugh, no. No.
Just-- Don't be yourself.
Literally be anyone else

Just-- Don't be yourself.
Literally be anyone else
but yourself.

Literally be anyone else
but yourself.
>> I can do that.

but yourself.
>> I can do that.
>> Good luck.

>> I can do that.
>> Good luck.
Smile.

>> Hi.
>> There you are.
>> Sorry I'm late.

>> There you are.
>> Sorry I'm late.
I hate when people are late.

>> Sorry I'm late.
I hate when people are late.
>> Me too.

I hate when people are late.
>> Me too.
I was the first to arrive at

>> Me too.
I was the first to arrive at
both parties I've attended.

I was the first to arrive at
both parties I've attended.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

both parties I've attended.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's funny.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's funny.
Joke.

>> I can't believe I'm
saying this, but I think
they might actually--

>> Holy crow.
Well, I did tell her.

Captions provided by
truTV

>> I'm afraid we don't know
if Emily will ever
come out of this coma.

if Emily will ever
come out of this coma.
I'm sorry.

>> Oh, my God.
Am I gonna die?
>> Oh, of course,

Am I gonna die?
>> Oh, of course,
we all will, one day.

>> Oh, of course,
we all will, one day.
>> Even when I'm in a coma,

we all will, one day.
>> Even when I'm in a coma,
I can't escape you.

>> Even when I'm in a coma,
I can't escape you.
I mean right now.

I can't escape you.
I mean right now.
>> Honestly, I don't know.

I mean right now.
>> Honestly, I don't know.
>> You...

>> Honestly, I don't know.
>> You...
But I have so much I want to do.

>> You...
But I have so much I want to do.
I'm getting married in three

But I have so much I want to do.
I'm getting married in three
months and I want to raise

I'm getting married in three
months and I want to raise
a family, and one day, I really

months and I want to raise
a family, and one day, I really
want to meet UFC Bantamweight

a family, and one day, I really
want to meet UFC Bantamweight
champion Ronda Rousey.

want to meet UFC Bantamweight
champion Ronda Rousey.
I don't wanna die!

champion Ronda Rousey.
I don't wanna die!
>> But you will.

I don't wanna die!
>> But you will.
Death is inevitable,

>> But you will.
Death is inevitable,
and it's vitally important

Death is inevitable,
and it's vitally important
that you accept that.

and it's vitally important
that you accept that.
>> No, mm-mm.

that you accept that.
>> No, mm-mm.
Not me, not this girl.

>> No, mm-mm.
Not me, not this girl.
I'm gonna wake up from this coma

Not me, not this girl.
I'm gonna wake up from this coma
and go back to my life, and then

I'm gonna wake up from this coma
and go back to my life, and then
by the time I'm old,

and go back to my life, and then
by the time I'm old,
we'll have cured death

by the time I'm old,
we'll have cured death
and people will be immortal!

we'll have cured death
and people will be immortal!
Google's working on it.

and people will be immortal!
Google's working on it.
>> That is a complete fantasy.

Google's working on it.
>> That is a complete fantasy.
People have been trying to cure

>> That is a complete fantasy.
People have been trying to cure
death for millennia,

People have been trying to cure
death for millennia,
and it's never worked.

In 210 B.C., the first emperor
of China dosed himself with what
he thought were

of China dosed himself with what
he thought were
"immortality pills."

he thought were
"immortality pills."
>> They were mercury pills.

"immortality pills."
>> They were mercury pills.
I died real quick.

>> They were mercury pills.
I died real quick.
>> And in the ninth century,

I died real quick.
>> And in the ninth century,
an alchemist who was trying

>> And in the ninth century,
an alchemist who was trying
to brew an "immortality" potion

an alchemist who was trying
to brew an "immortality" potion
made a wee bit of an error.

to brew an "immortality" potion
made a wee bit of an error.
>> This flammable powder will

made a wee bit of an error.
>> This flammable powder will
save millions of lives.

>> This flammable powder will
save millions of lives.
>> He actually invented

save millions of lives.
>> He actually invented
gunpowder.

>> He actually invented
gunpowder.
Thanks to his quest for eternal

gunpowder.
Thanks to his quest for eternal
life, millions have been

Thanks to his quest for eternal
life, millions have been
shot dead.

life, millions have been
shot dead.
>> Well, we're way closer

shot dead.
>> Well, we're way closer
to immortality now.

>> Well, we're way closer
to immortality now.
What about chryonics?

to immortality now.
What about chryonics?
I can freeze my body so it can

What about chryonics?
I can freeze my body so it can
be revived later.

I can freeze my body so it can
be revived later.
>> That's medically doubtful,

be revived later.
>> That's medically doubtful,
and it assumes that the company

>> That's medically doubtful,
and it assumes that the company
that freezes you is gonna be

and it assumes that the company
that freezes you is gonna be
around that long.

that freezes you is gonna be
around that long.
In one famous case, the

around that long.
In one famous case, the
Chryonics Society of California

In one famous case, the
Chryonics Society of California
ran out of money and couldn't

Chryonics Society of California
ran out of money and couldn't
keep their customers frozen.

ran out of money and couldn't
keep their customers frozen.
>> No...

keep their customers frozen.
>> No...
>> The bodies began to thaw

>> No...
>> The bodies began to thaw
and decompose.

>> The bodies began to thaw
and decompose.
>> No, no, no.

and decompose.
>> No, no, no.
>> Then some of the bodies went

>> No, no, no.
>> Then some of the bodies went
missing, and to this day, their

>> Then some of the bodies went
missing, and to this day, their
families still don't know

missing, and to this day, their
families still don't know
where they went.

families still don't know
where they went.
>> No, no, no, no, no!

where they went.
>> No, no, no, no, no!
>> Uh, hey, Pete, do we still

>> No, no, no, no, no!
>> Uh, hey, Pete, do we still
have that extra large

>> Uh, hey, Pete, do we still
have that extra large
beer cooler?

>> Okay, well, I follow a bunch
of futurists on Twitter.
I have a very eclectic feed.

of futurists on Twitter.
I have a very eclectic feed.
And they believe that one day,

I have a very eclectic feed.
And they believe that one day,
we'll be able to upload our

And they believe that one day,
we'll be able to upload our
brains onto computers.

we'll be able to upload our
brains onto computers.
>> That's ridiculous.

First of all, your brain
is a physical organ.
That's like saying you could

is a physical organ.
That's like saying you could
upload your liver

That's like saying you could
upload your liver
onto a computer.

upload your liver
onto a computer.
And secondly, even if you could,

onto a computer.
And secondly, even if you could,
your consciousness wouldn't

And secondly, even if you could,
your consciousness wouldn't
teleport onto the computer.

your consciousness wouldn't
teleport onto the computer.
You just have created a pretty

teleport onto the computer.
You just have created a pretty
accurate A.I.

You just have created a pretty
accurate A.I.
simulation of yourself.

accurate A.I.
simulation of yourself.
>> Ah, eternal life.

simulation of yourself.
>> Ah, eternal life.
>> Ah, eternal life.

>> Ah, eternal life.
>> Ah, eternal life.
>> Wait.

>> Ah, eternal life.
>> Wait.
I'm--I'm still dying.

>> Wait.
I'm--I'm still dying.
I'm still here.

I'm--I'm still dying.
I'm still here.
>> It doesn't work that way.

I'm still here.
>> It doesn't work that way.
I'm basically Siri.

>> It doesn't work that way.
I'm basically Siri.
>> This piece of crap!

I'm basically Siri.
>> This piece of crap!
>> We've never been able to stop

>> This piece of crap!
>> We've never been able to stop
death, and we never will.

>> Okay, fine.
You win, I will die, one day.
But...

You win, I will die, one day.
But...
Why does it have to be today?

>> I'm sorry.
Let me try to cheer you up.
You know, I always go shopping

Let me try to cheer you up.
You know, I always go shopping
when I'm down.

You know, I always go shopping
when I'm down.
>> I guess that sounds

when I'm down.
>> I guess that sounds
like a good distraction.

>> I guess that sounds
like a good distraction.
>> Shopping for caskets.

like a good distraction.
>> Shopping for caskets.
>> This would never happen

>> Shopping for caskets.
>> This would never happen
to Ronda Rousey.

>> What do you think
his last words were?
>> Probably "whoops," or "ouch."

his last words were?
>> Probably "whoops," or "ouch."
The concept of "last words" is

>> Probably "whoops," or "ouch."
The concept of "last words" is
as silly as the rest of this.

The concept of "last words" is
as silly as the rest of this.
>> Wait, are you trying

as silly as the rest of this.
>> Wait, are you trying
to ruin funerals?

>> Wait, are you trying
to ruin funerals?
This is how people grieve.

to ruin funerals?
This is how people grieve.
>> Yeah.

This is how people grieve.
>> Yeah.
Which is why it's so tragic that

>> Yeah.
Which is why it's so tragic that
the American funeral industry

Which is why it's so tragic that
the American funeral industry
needlessly exploits

the American funeral industry
needlessly exploits
that grief for profit.

needlessly exploits
that grief for profit.
Case in point, the expensive and

that grief for profit.
Case in point, the expensive and
useless process of embalming,

Case in point, the expensive and
useless process of embalming,
which was popularized

useless process of embalming,
which was popularized
during the Civil War.

which was popularized
during the Civil War.
After Lincoln was assassinated,

during the Civil War.
After Lincoln was assassinated,
the government paraded his

After Lincoln was assassinated,
the government paraded his
corpse around the country in

the government paraded his
corpse around the country in
order to showcase the hero's

corpse around the country in
order to showcase the hero's
sacrifice, but that's not what

order to showcase the hero's
sacrifice, but that's not what
the people took away from it.

sacrifice, but that's not what
the people took away from it.
>> Oh, my gosh, Abe has been

the people took away from it.
>> Oh, my gosh, Abe has been
dead for weeks and he still

>> Oh, my gosh, Abe has been
dead for weeks and he still
looks fly as hell.

dead for weeks and he still
looks fly as hell.
>> Honestly, anyone who is

looks fly as hell.
>> Honestly, anyone who is
anyone gets pumped

>> Honestly, anyone who is
anyone gets pumped
full of chemicals.

anyone gets pumped
full of chemicals.
>> But for those of us whose

full of chemicals.
>> But for those of us whose
bodies aren't going on tour,

>> But for those of us whose
bodies aren't going on tour,
embalming is totally pointless.

bodies aren't going on tour,
embalming is totally pointless.
Why would you need to be

embalming is totally pointless.
Why would you need to be
preserved right before they

Why would you need to be
preserved right before they
bury you in the dirt?

preserved right before they
bury you in the dirt?
Isn't the whole point

bury you in the dirt?
Isn't the whole point
to decompose?

Isn't the whole point
to decompose?
>> Excuse me.

to decompose?
>> Excuse me.
Embalming gives dignity

>> Excuse me.
Embalming gives dignity
to the deceased.

Embalming gives dignity
to the deceased.
>> Yes, it's respectful.

to the deceased.
>> Yes, it's respectful.
>> Respectful?

>> Yes, it's respectful.
>> Respectful?
What do you think embalming is?

>> Respectful?
What do you think embalming is?
>> It's like a spa day.

What do you think embalming is?
>> It's like a spa day.
For a dead body.

>> It's like a spa day.
For a dead body.
>> Exactly, don't correct her.

For a dead body.
>> Exactly, don't correct her.
>> Embalming is the least

>> Exactly, don't correct her.
>> Embalming is the least
respectful thing you

>> Embalming is the least
respectful thing you
could do to a body.

respectful thing you
could do to a body.
First, the jaw is wired shut.

could do to a body.
First, the jaw is wired shut.
The eyes are sealed with glue,

First, the jaw is wired shut.
The eyes are sealed with glue,
then the internal organs are

The eyes are sealed with glue,
then the internal organs are
punctured and drained through

then the internal organs are
punctured and drained through
a hole in the abdomen.

punctured and drained through
a hole in the abdomen.
After that, they pump the

a hole in the abdomen.
After that, they pump the
arteries full of formaldehyde,

After that, they pump the
arteries full of formaldehyde,
and stuff the internal cavities

arteries full of formaldehyde,
and stuff the internal cavities
full of cotton.

and stuff the internal cavities
full of cotton.
>> Okay, stop!

full of cotton.
>> Okay, stop!
Enough, enough, enough.

>> Okay, stop!
Enough, enough, enough.
I don't want to puke in front

Enough, enough, enough.
I don't want to puke in front
of a dead body.

I don't want to puke in front
of a dead body.
>> Fair enough.

of a dead body.
>> Fair enough.
But the entire process is a

>> Fair enough.
But the entire process is a
pointless waste of time, because

But the entire process is a
pointless waste of time, because
even though funeral directors

pointless waste of time, because
even though funeral directors
tell their vulnerable,

even though funeral directors
tell their vulnerable,
grieving customers...

tell their vulnerable,
grieving customers...
>> Embalming is necessary if you

grieving customers...
>> Embalming is necessary if you
want an open casket.

>> Embalming is necessary if you
want an open casket.
>> And...

want an open casket.
>> And...
>> It keeps the body

>> And...
>> It keeps the body
safe and sanitary.

>> It keeps the body
safe and sanitary.
>> None of it is true.

safe and sanitary.
>> None of it is true.
Refrigeration is cheaper and

>> None of it is true.
Refrigeration is cheaper and
just as effective as embalming.

Refrigeration is cheaper and
just as effective as embalming.
The World Health Organization

just as effective as embalming.
The World Health Organization
states that dead bodies pose

The World Health Organization
states that dead bodies pose
nearly no health risks

states that dead bodies pose
nearly no health risks
to the living.

nearly no health risks
to the living.
It's completely safe

to the living.
It's completely safe
to touch them.

It's completely safe
to touch them.
Here, watch!

to touch them.
Here, watch!
>> Adam!

Here, watch!
>> Adam!
That's weird.

>> Adam!
That's weird.
>> Yeah, but it's still safe,

That's weird.
>> Yeah, but it's still safe,
which is ironic, because

>> Yeah, but it's still safe,
which is ironic, because
formaldehyde isn't safe.

which is ironic, because
formaldehyde isn't safe.
It's a carcinogen.

formaldehyde isn't safe.
It's a carcinogen.
>> Why do we still do this?

It's a carcinogen.
>> Why do we still do this?
>> Just one reason.

>> Why do we still do this?
>> Just one reason.
These guys charge a graveload

>> Just one reason.
These guys charge a graveload
of money to do it.

These guys charge a graveload
of money to do it.
>> Let's not talk about

of money to do it.
>> Let's not talk about
the bodies so much.

>> Let's not talk about
the bodies so much.
Let's talk about how beautiful

the bodies so much.
Let's talk about how beautiful
this casket is.

Let's talk about how beautiful
this casket is.
>> Yeah, it better be beautiful.

this casket is.
>> Yeah, it better be beautiful.
It's one of the most expensive

>> Yeah, it better be beautiful.
It's one of the most expensive
things you'll ever buy.

It's one of the most expensive
things you'll ever buy.
Funeral homes can charge upwards

things you'll ever buy.
Funeral homes can charge upwards
of ten grand for a coffin.

Funeral homes can charge upwards
of ten grand for a coffin.
>> The lid is titanium steel,

of ten grand for a coffin.
>> The lid is titanium steel,
it's lined with mink fur and it

>> The lid is titanium steel,
it's lined with mink fur and it
comes with free WiFi.

it's lined with mink fur and it
comes with free WiFi.
It's what Pop-Pop

comes with free WiFi.
It's what Pop-Pop
would have wanted.

It's what Pop-Pop
would have wanted.
>> Do you have

would have wanted.
>> Do you have
any cheaper options?

>> Do you have
any cheaper options?
>> Well, for those who don't

any cheaper options?
>> Well, for those who don't
love their Pop-Pop, we do have

>> Well, for those who don't
love their Pop-Pop, we do have
this "My Loved One Deserved

love their Pop-Pop, we do have
this "My Loved One Deserved
to Die" model.

this "My Loved One Deserved
to Die" model.
You will need to decide quickly,

to Die" model.
You will need to decide quickly,
the funeral is tomorrow.

You will need to decide quickly,
the funeral is tomorrow.
>> Pop-Pop would have

the funeral is tomorrow.
>> Pop-Pop would have
wanted the WiFi.

>> Pop-Pop would have
wanted the WiFi.
>> I'm so sorry for your loss.

wanted the WiFi.
>> I'm so sorry for your loss.
>> Hell, you might as well be

>> I'm so sorry for your loss.
>> Hell, you might as well be
buried with $10,000 in cash.

>> Hell, you might as well be
buried with $10,000 in cash.
>> ♪ Money money ♪

buried with $10,000 in cash.
>> ♪ Money money ♪
>> Well, it's nice to support

>> ♪ Money money ♪
>> Well, it's nice to support
local businesses.

>> Well, it's nice to support
local businesses.
>> Actually, a lot of "local"

local businesses.
>> Actually, a lot of "local"
funeral homes are owned by a

>> Actually, a lot of "local"
funeral homes are owned by a
mega corporation named SCI that

funeral homes are owned by a
mega corporation named SCI that
buys up mom and pop shops,

mega corporation named SCI that
buys up mom and pop shops,
but keeps the old name,

buys up mom and pop shops,
but keeps the old name,
so no one notices.

but keeps the old name,
so no one notices.
They really are a cash cow.

so no one notices.
They really are a cash cow.
>> They can't make

They really are a cash cow.
>> They can't make
that much money.

>> They can't make
that much money.
>> Well, maybe you'd believe

that much money.
>> Well, maybe you'd believe
SCI treasurer Aaron Foley,

>> Well, maybe you'd believe
SCI treasurer Aaron Foley,
who told investors,

SCI treasurer Aaron Foley,
who told investors,
we really are a cash cow.

who told investors,
we really are a cash cow.
>> ♪ It's all about the money ♪

we really are a cash cow.
>> ♪ It's all about the money ♪
>> But what's the alternative?

>> ♪ It's all about the money ♪
>> But what's the alternative?
Throw all the dead people in a

>> But what's the alternative?
Throw all the dead people in a
pile and leave them there and

Throw all the dead people in a
pile and leave them there and
charge admission to see it?

pile and leave them there and
charge admission to see it?
>> Not exactly.

charge admission to see it?
>> Not exactly.
You could choose cremation,

>> Not exactly.
You could choose cremation,
but another, maybe even better

You could choose cremation,
but another, maybe even better
option, is natural burial.

but another, maybe even better
option, is natural burial.
>> Ahh!

option, is natural burial.
>> Ahh!
Who is this? Are we related?

>> Ahh!
Who is this? Are we related?
Are you my ghost?

Who is this? Are we related?
Are you my ghost?
>> No, Emily, this is

Are you my ghost?
>> No, Emily, this is
Caitlin Doughty, she's a

>> No, Emily, this is
Caitlin Doughty, she's a
licensed mortician and an

advocate for natural burial.
>> In natural burial, we dig a
hole in the ground and place

the body in in just a shroud,
no chemical embalming,
no heavy metal casket,

no chemical embalming,
no heavy metal casket,
no concrete-lined vault.

no heavy metal casket,
no concrete-lined vault.
>> Is this safe?

no concrete-lined vault.
>> Is this safe?
>> It's completely safe.

>> Is this safe?
>> It's completely safe.
Humans have been burying their

>> It's completely safe.
Humans have been burying their
bodies like this for tens of

Humans have been burying their
bodies like this for tens of
thousands of years.

bodies like this for tens of
thousands of years.
But when the funeral

thousands of years.
But when the funeral
industry started,

But when the funeral
industry started,
it really took the power away

industry started,
it really took the power away
from the grieving families.

it really took the power away
from the grieving families.
I think that my job as

from the grieving families.
I think that my job as
a mortician should just be to

I think that my job as
a mortician should just be to
facilitate you taking the power

a mortician should just be to
facilitate you taking the power
around the time of death.

facilitate you taking the power
around the time of death.
You can be involved as much or

around the time of death.
You can be involved as much or
as little as you want to be,

You can be involved as much or
as little as you want to be,
but it can be a really intimate

as little as you want to be,
but it can be a really intimate
and beautiful way to say goodbye

but it can be a really intimate
and beautiful way to say goodbye
to someone you love.

and beautiful way to say goodbye
to someone you love.
>> This is really nice.

to someone you love.
>> This is really nice.
Thank you, Caitlin.

>> This is really nice.
Thank you, Caitlin.
You know, I think this

Thank you, Caitlin.
You know, I think this
is what I want.

You know, I think this
is what I want.
>> That's great.

is what I want.
>> That's great.
But you won't get it.

>> That's great.
But you won't get it.
See?

But you won't get it.
See?
Because you didn't confront your

See?
Because you didn't confront your
mortality and decide how you'd

Because you didn't confront your
mortality and decide how you'd
want to be buried while you were

mortality and decide how you'd
want to be buried while you were
still alive, Murph will probably

want to be buried while you were
still alive, Murph will probably
bankrupt himself getting you

still alive, Murph will probably
bankrupt himself getting you
a regular funeral.

bankrupt himself getting you
a regular funeral.
>> Aw, man.

a regular funeral.
>> Aw, man.
>> In fact, because you didn't

>> Aw, man.
>> In fact, because you didn't
plan ahead, everything about

>> In fact, because you didn't
plan ahead, everything about
your death will suck, and I'll

plan ahead, everything about
your death will suck, and I'll
explain why right after this.

your death will suck, and I'll
explain why right after this.
>> I know I'm literally dying,

explain why right after this.
>> I know I'm literally dying,
but you are the worst

>> I know I'm literally dying,
but you are the worst
part of my day.

>> He's so thoughtful.
Death is so hard.
>> Yeah, it is.

Death is so hard.
>> Yeah, it is.
That's why it's so important

>> Yeah, it is.
That's why it's so important
that you accept that one day,

That's why it's so important
that you accept that one day,
you will grow old and die.

that you accept that one day,
you will grow old and die.
If you don't,

you will grow old and die.
If you don't,
you'll end up making terrible

If you don't,
you'll end up making terrible
medical decisions.

you'll end up making terrible
medical decisions.
>> I thought your show was

medical decisions.
>> I thought your show was
supposed to be a comedy.

>> I thought your show was
supposed to be a comedy.
>> Well, the line between comedy

supposed to be a comedy.
>> Well, the line between comedy
and drama has blurred

>> Well, the line between comedy
and drama has blurred
in recent decades.

and drama has blurred
in recent decades.
You know, if you look at--

in recent decades.
You know, if you look at--
>> Get on with it.

You know, if you look at--
>> Get on with it.
>> Right-o!

>> Hey, Adam.
I wondered when you guys
were gonna show up.

I wondered when you guys
were gonna show up.
>> Emily.

this is Dr. Bud Hammes.
He's the director of
Respecting Choices for

He's the director of
Respecting Choices for
Gundersen Health System.

Basically, he helps doctors have
end-of-life conversations
with their patients.

end-of-life conversations
with their patients.
>> I'm glad you guys are here.

with their patients.
>> I'm glad you guys are here.
I have a story to tell you.

>> I'm glad you guys are here.
I have a story to tell you.
>> Oh, this is my favorite book!

I have a story to tell you.
>> Oh, this is my favorite book!
It's about how I get prostate

>> Oh, this is my favorite book!
It's about how I get prostate
cancer and die.

It's about how I get prostate
cancer and die.
You know, one in seven American

cancer and die.
You know, one in seven American
men gets prostate cancer.

You know, one in seven American
men gets prostate cancer.
>> Prostate cancer.

men gets prostate cancer.
>> Prostate cancer.
I know, you tell me every time

>> Prostate cancer.
I know, you tell me every time
we hang out.

I know, you tell me every time
we hang out.
Did you write a book

we hang out.
Did you write a book
about your own death?

Did you write a book
about your own death?
>> It helps make the point.

about your own death?
>> It helps make the point.
Would you read it to us, Bud?

>> It helps make the point.
Would you read it to us, Bud?
>> I'd be delighted

Would you read it to us, Bud?
>> I'd be delighted
to read it to you.

>> I'd be delighted
to read it to you.
So here's the problem.

to read it to you.
So here's the problem.
Patients and their doctors most

So here's the problem.
Patients and their doctors most
often don't have conversations

Patients and their doctors most
often don't have conversations
about when the burdens of

often don't have conversations
about when the burdens of
treatment would be so high,

about when the burdens of
treatment would be so high,
they wouldn't outweigh

treatment would be so high,
they wouldn't outweigh
the benefits of treatment.

they wouldn't outweigh
the benefits of treatment.
>> If you can't face having an

the benefits of treatment.
>> If you can't face having an
honest conversation about death

>> If you can't face having an
honest conversation about death
with your doctor, you can end up

honest conversation about death
with your doctor, you can end up
chasing unnecessary treatments

with your doctor, you can end up
chasing unnecessary treatments
that do very little to prolong

chasing unnecessary treatments
that do very little to prolong
your life and just make your

that do very little to prolong
your life and just make your
final days really uncomfortable.

your life and just make your
final days really uncomfortable.
>> Mr. Conover,

final days really uncomfortable.
>> Mr. Conover,
the cancer has spread.

>> Mr. Conover,
the cancer has spread.
I think it's time we discuss--

the cancer has spread.
I think it's time we discuss--
>> I don't want to hear it!

I think it's time we discuss--
>> I don't want to hear it!
I'm a fighter, damn it!

>> I don't want to hear it!
I'm a fighter, damn it!
Give me every dangerous

I'm a fighter, damn it!
Give me every dangerous
chemical you got!

Give me every dangerous
chemical you got!
Where are the drugs?

chemical you got!
Where are the drugs?
Give it to me!

Where are the drugs?
Give it to me!
I'm gonna live forever!

Give it to me!
I'm gonna live forever!
Ha ha!

I'm gonna live forever!
Ha ha!
Because I couldn't accept the

Ha ha!
Because I couldn't accept the
truth, I died in a hospital,

Because I couldn't accept the
truth, I died in a hospital,
barely conscious, in a whole lot

truth, I died in a hospital,
barely conscious, in a whole lot
of pain, when I could have

barely conscious, in a whole lot
of pain, when I could have
chosen to die at home,

of pain, when I could have
chosen to die at home,
surrounded by my family.

chosen to die at home,
surrounded by my family.
>> Adam, I think I'm telling

surrounded by my family.
>> Adam, I think I'm telling
this story.

>> Adam, I think I'm telling
this story.
>> I'm sorry.

this story.
>> I'm sorry.
I know it by heart.

>> I'm sorry.
I know it by heart.
>> So Emily,

I know it by heart.
>> So Emily,
now is the time to make these

>> So Emily,
now is the time to make these
plans for future

now is the time to make these
plans for future
healthcare decisions.

plans for future
healthcare decisions.
It's a time to talk with your

healthcare decisions.
It's a time to talk with your
family about your values,

It's a time to talk with your
family about your values,
your preferences and your goals,

family about your values,
your preferences and your goals,
so they don't end up guessing

your preferences and your goals,
so they don't end up guessing
when they make your decisions.

so they don't end up guessing
when they make your decisions.
>> I mean, I wouldn't mind that.

when they make your decisions.
>> I mean, I wouldn't mind that.
Murph's my fiancé.

>> I mean, I wouldn't mind that.
Murph's my fiancé.
He would know what I want.

Murph's my fiancé.
He would know what I want.
>> That's an understandable

He would know what I want.
>> That's an understandable
point of view.

>> That's an understandable
point of view.
A lot of people think that.

point of view.
A lot of people think that.
But the research is very clear.

A lot of people think that.
But the research is very clear.
When families don't have these

But the research is very clear.
When families don't have these
conversations, the family

When families don't have these
conversations, the family
members are no better than

conversations, the family
members are no better than
strangers at making

members are no better than
strangers at making
these decisions.

strangers at making
these decisions.
They end up guessing.

these decisions.
They end up guessing.
>> And that can be really,

They end up guessing.
>> And that can be really,
really hard on them.

>> And that can be really,
really hard on them.
>> Dad wouldn't want to suffer.

really hard on them.
>> Dad wouldn't want to suffer.
Pull the damn plug.

>> Dad wouldn't want to suffer.
Pull the damn plug.
>> I'd feel to guilty

Pull the damn plug.
>> I'd feel to guilty
to let him die.

>> I'd feel to guilty
to let him die.
Keep him hooked up forever!

to let him die.
Keep him hooked up forever!
>> I think we should eat him.

Keep him hooked up forever!
>> I think we should eat him.
That'd be the most efficient.

>> I think we should eat him.
That'd be the most efficient.
>> Sometimes the conflicts are

That'd be the most efficient.
>> Sometimes the conflicts are
so severe, I don't know that

>> Sometimes the conflicts are
so severe, I don't know that
the family will ever talk

so severe, I don't know that
the family will ever talk
to each other again.

the family will ever talk
to each other again.
>> That is such a hard

to each other again.
>> That is such a hard
conversation to have.

>> That is such a hard
conversation to have.
I mean, I don't--

conversation to have.
I mean, I don't--
I don't know where

I mean, I don't--
I don't know where
I would begin.

I don't know where
I would begin.
>> So Emily, there are three

I would begin.
>> So Emily, there are three
simple questions everyone

>> So Emily, there are three
simple questions everyone
should consider.

simple questions everyone
should consider.
The first is, if you couldn't

should consider.
The first is, if you couldn't
make your own decisions,

The first is, if you couldn't
make your own decisions,
who would make decisions

make your own decisions,
who would make decisions
on your behalf?

who would make decisions
on your behalf?
>> Kids, if I were to ever

on your behalf?
>> Kids, if I were to ever
become so sick that I couldn't

>> Kids, if I were to ever
become so sick that I couldn't
decide on my own care,

become so sick that I couldn't
decide on my own care,
I would want your mother

decide on my own care,
I would want your mother
Haylie to decide.

I would want your mother
Haylie to decide.
>> You married Haylie?

Haylie to decide.
>> You married Haylie?
>> It's my storybook, I can

>> You married Haylie?
>> It's my storybook, I can
write it however I want.

>> It's my storybook, I can
write it however I want.
>> The second is, if you suffer

write it however I want.
>> The second is, if you suffer
a serious and permanent brain

>> The second is, if you suffer
a serious and permanent brain
injury, how bad would it

a serious and permanent brain
injury, how bad would it
have to be for you to change

injury, how bad would it
have to be for you to change
your goals of care?

have to be for you to change
your goals of care?
>> Well, I wouldn't want to be

your goals of care?
>> Well, I wouldn't want to be
kept alive if I was brain dead,

>> Well, I wouldn't want to be
kept alive if I was brain dead,
which I guess right now,

kept alive if I was brain dead,
which I guess right now,
I might be.

which I guess right now,
I might be.
>> The third question is, do you

I might be.
>> The third question is, do you
have any strongly-held values or

>> The third question is, do you
have any strongly-held values or
beliefs that would influence how

have any strongly-held values or
beliefs that would influence how
medical decisions might be made?

beliefs that would influence how
medical decisions might be made?
>> Um...

medical decisions might be made?
>> Um...
I don't know, honestly, these

>> Um...
I don't know, honestly, these
are really tough questions

I don't know, honestly, these
are really tough questions
to field right now.

are really tough questions
to field right now.
>> Well, you're right, Emily,

to field right now.
>> Well, you're right, Emily,
they are hard to answer.

>> Well, you're right, Emily,
they are hard to answer.
That's why in La Crosse,

they are hard to answer.
That's why in La Crosse,
Wisconsin, we decided to

That's why in La Crosse,
Wisconsin, we decided to
approach all of our patients and

Wisconsin, we decided to
approach all of our patients and
offer them the opportunity to do

approach all of our patients and
offer them the opportunity to do
this planning, that way families

offer them the opportunity to do
this planning, that way families
have the confidence that

this planning, that way families
have the confidence that
they made the right decisions.

>> Did you ever have a
conversation like that
with Murph?

conversation like that
with Murph?
>> No, I never thought about it

with Murph?
>> No, I never thought about it
before today.

>> No, I never thought about it
before today.
>> Well, the decision is yours.

>> I don't know what to do.
I don't know what she wants.
>> I hate this.

I don't know what she wants.
>> I hate this.
>> Death will always be a

>> I hate this.
>> Death will always be a
terrible loss, but if you can

>> Death will always be a
terrible loss, but if you can
accept its inevitability,

terrible loss, but if you can
accept its inevitability,
it makes the whole process

accept its inevitability,
it makes the whole process
a lot easier.

>> I know.
I know what I want.
I know what I want here.

I know what I want.
I know what I want here.
I'm going to die.

I know what I want here.
I'm going to die.
I didn't want it to be now,

I'm going to die.
I didn't want it to be now,
but... it's going to be.

>> You sure?
>> Yeah, I don't--
I don't want to be unconscious

>> Yeah, I don't--
I don't want to be unconscious
on a hospital bed forever, and

I don't want to be unconscious
on a hospital bed forever, and
if I leave the decision up to

on a hospital bed forever, and
if I leave the decision up to
Murph, you know, no matter what

if I leave the decision up to
Murph, you know, no matter what
he chooses, he'll never feel

Murph, you know, no matter what
he chooses, he'll never feel
like he made the right choice.

>> I-- I don't know, Em.
>> It's okay.
I'm okay.

>> It's okay.
I'm okay.
This is right.

It's been fun, Adam.
>> Yeah?
>> More than I like to admit.

Okay.

Okay.

>> It looks like Emily
decided for you.
I'm sorry.

decided for you.
I'm sorry.
>> Oh, God.

I'm sorry.
>> Oh, God.
Tonight I was gonna surprise her

>> Oh, God.
Tonight I was gonna surprise her
and take her to a Ronda Rousey

Tonight I was gonna surprise her
and take her to a Ronda Rousey
meet-and-greet.

and take her to a Ronda Rousey
meet-and-greet.
>> Wait, what?

meet-and-greet.
>> Wait, what?
Ronda Rousey meet-and-greet?

>> Wait, what?
Ronda Rousey meet-and-greet?
>> Oh, my God.

Ronda Rousey meet-and-greet?
>> Oh, my God.
She's awake.

>> Oh, my God.
She's awake.
>> Emily, you're alive!

She's awake.
>> Emily, you're alive!
I love you so much.

>> Emily, you're alive!
I love you so much.
>> I love you.

I love you so much.
>> I love you.
>> I love you, too.

>> I love you.
>> I love you, too.
>> I came as soon as I could.

>> I love you, too.
>> I came as soon as I could.
>> Oh, Haylie.

>> I came as soon as I could.
>> Oh, Haylie.
>> Oh, yeah, you're awake--

>> Oh, Haylie.
>> Oh, yeah, you're awake--
Whoops!

>> Holy crow.

She dead.

>> We are here today to
celebrate the life of Haylie.
"Thou shalt show me

celebrate the life of Haylie.
"Thou shalt show me
"the path to life.

"Thou shalt show me
"the path to life.
"In thy presence is the fullness

"the path to life.
"In thy presence is the fullness
"of love, in thy mercy,

"In thy presence is the fullness
"of love, in thy mercy,
by all of God's"--

"of love, in thy mercy,
by all of God's"--
>> Funerals are very wasteful!

by all of God's"--
>> Funerals are very wasteful!
No, I'm not sad.

>> Funerals are very wasteful!
No, I'm not sad.
I'm spreading the truth

No, I'm not sad.
I'm spreading the truth
to the masses.

I'm spreading the truth
to the masses.
That coffin's too expensive!

to the masses.
That coffin's too expensive!
The markup's insane,

That coffin's too expensive!
The markup's insane,
it's a scam.

The markup's insane,
it's a scam.
>> Adam, stop.

it's a scam.
>> Adam, stop.
Okay?

>> Adam, stop.
Okay?
It's okay to grieve.

Okay?
It's okay to grieve.
I'm sad, too.

It's okay to grieve.
I'm sad, too.
>> There's got to be something

I'm sad, too.
>> There's got to be something
I can learn to make this better.

>> I don't think there is.

>> I'm scared to die.
>> Well, what about all that
accepting death stuff?

>> Well, what about all that
accepting death stuff?
>> It doesn't make it

accepting death stuff?
>> It doesn't make it
less frightening.

>> It doesn't make it
less frightening.
It doesn't--

less frightening.
It doesn't--
It doesn't make any sense.

It doesn't--
It doesn't make any sense.
What is it for?

It doesn't make any sense.
What is it for?
What do you do?

What is it for?
What do you do?
What are you supposed to do

What do you do?
What are you supposed to do
when a person dies?

>> I don't know.
But...
It's okay not to know.

>> It's okay not to know.
>> Yeah, it's okay not to know.
Sometimes you don't know,

and you may never know,
and that's okay.

Come on, let's get you
out of here.
Let's go for a walk.

Oh, thanks.
It's this dumb cane.
Do you want to ruin

It's this dumb cane.
Do you want to ruin
something for me?

Do you want to ruin
something for me?
Maybe that would cheer you up.

something for me?
Maybe that would cheer you up.
>> Oh, no.

Maybe that would cheer you up.
>> Oh, no.
>> I mean, I believe a lot of

>> Oh, no.
>> I mean, I believe a lot of
really dumb stuff, you know,

>> I mean, I believe a lot of
really dumb stuff, you know,
like pop rocks and Coke?

really dumb stuff, you know,
like pop rocks and Coke?
That's dangerous.

like pop rocks and Coke?
That's dangerous.
You know, and the moon landing?

That's dangerous.
You know, and the moon landing?
Never happened.

You know, and the moon landing?
Never happened.
And also the Illuminati, I--

Never happened.
And also the Illuminati, I--
>> I'm really not in the mood

And also the Illuminati, I--
>> I'm really not in the mood
right now.

>> I'm really not in the mood
right now.
Sorry.

right now.
Sorry.
>> Okay.

>> Hey, how's--
How's wedding planning going?
It's pretty good.

How's wedding planning going?
It's pretty good.
It's very busy.

It's pretty good.
It's very busy.
>> I'm sure.

It's very busy.
>> I'm sure.
I'm really, really looking

>> I'm sure.
I'm really, really looking
forward to it.

I'm really, really looking
forward to it.
>> Yeah.

forward to it.
>> Yeah.
>> You and Murph are the best.

>> Yeah.
>> You and Murph are the best.
>> Aww.

>> You and Murph are the best.
>> Aww.
Yeah.

>> Aww.
Yeah.
You know, a lot of wedding

traditions are, like,
really arbitrary.
>> Yeah?

really arbitrary.
>> Yeah?
I'm sure.

>> Yeah?
I'm sure.
>> Oh, yeah.

I'm sure.
>> Oh, yeah.
Oh, I even read this

>> Oh, yeah.
Oh, I even read this
article about it...

Oh, I even read this
article about it...
♪