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>> Hey, Murph.
You know what time it is?
It's time to get busy.
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00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:10,175
>> ♪ Ooh ♪
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00:00:11,244 --> 00:00:15,347
♪ Sexual ♪
♪ Sexual ♪
♪ Tonight it's all about ♪
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00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:17,683
♪ Sexual ♪
♪ Tonight it's all about ♪
♪ You baby ♪
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00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:19,218
♪ Tonight it's all about ♪
♪ You baby ♪
♪ You don't have to wait ♪
6
00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:20,319
♪ You baby ♪
♪ You don't have to wait ♪
♪ No more ♪
7
00:00:20,321 --> 00:00:22,421
♪ You don't have to wait ♪
♪ No more ♪
♪ I don't want to wait no more ♪
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00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:24,523
♪ No more ♪
♪ I don't want to wait no more ♪
♪ Yeah let's make it ♪
9
00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:28,460
♪ I don't want to wait no more ♪
♪ Yeah let's make it ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
10
00:00:28,462 --> 00:00:29,128
♪ Yeah let's make it ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
>> I feel like the cat
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♪ Ooh ♪
>> I feel like the cat
is watching us.
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00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:32,865
>> I feel like the cat
is watching us.
>> We don't have a cat.
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00:00:32,867 --> 00:00:33,532
is watching us.
>> We don't have a cat.
(cat meows)
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00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:34,500
>> We don't have a cat.
(cat meows)
>> Ahh!
15
00:00:34,502 --> 00:00:35,567
(cat meows)
>> Ahh!
>> Hi there!
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00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:37,169
>> Ahh!
>> Hi there!
>> No, bad Adam!
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00:00:37,171 --> 00:00:39,405
>> Hi there!
>> No, bad Adam!
(Adam hissing)
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00:00:39,407 --> 00:00:41,607
>> No, bad Adam!
(Adam hissing)
>> Oh, I see you're circumcised.
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00:00:41,609 --> 00:00:42,674
(Adam hissing)
>> Oh, I see you're circumcised.
But you're not Jewish or Muslim,
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00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:43,342
>> Oh, I see you're circumcised.
But you're not Jewish or Muslim,
are you?
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00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:44,910
But you're not Jewish or Muslim,
are you?
>> No, I'm Catholic.
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00:00:44,912 --> 00:00:45,577
are you?
>> No, I'm Catholic.
What?
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00:00:45,579 --> 00:00:46,612
>> No, I'm Catholic.
What?
>> Then it's pretty weird you're
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00:00:46,614 --> 00:00:47,679
What?
>> Then it's pretty weird you're
circumcised, isn't it?
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00:00:47,681 --> 00:00:48,847
>> Then it's pretty weird you're
circumcised, isn't it?
>> No, it isn't.
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00:00:48,849 --> 00:00:49,615
circumcised, isn't it?
>> No, it isn't.
It's normal.
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00:00:49,617 --> 00:00:51,583
>> No, it isn't.
It's normal.
>> Actually, it's not.
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00:00:51,585 --> 00:00:53,018
It's normal.
>> Actually, it's not.
Hi, I'm Adam Conover.
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00:00:53,020 --> 00:00:53,685
>> Actually, it's not.
Hi, I'm Adam Conover.
>> And this is
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00:00:53,687 --> 00:00:55,154
Hi, I'm Adam Conover.
>> And this is
"Adam Ruins Everything."
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00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:56,622
>> And this is
"Adam Ruins Everything."
>> Just get it over with.
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00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,724
Closed Captions Provided by
truTV
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00:01:06,299 --> 00:01:10,235
>> America is one of the only
countries in the world that
practices routine non-religious
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00:01:10,237 --> 00:01:11,737
countries in the world that
practices routine non-religious
circumcision, yet most of us
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00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,172
practices routine non-religious
circumcision, yet most of us
don't even know why we do it.
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00:01:13,174 --> 00:01:14,339
circumcision, yet most of us
don't even know why we do it.
Haven't you ever wondered why
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00:01:14,341 --> 00:01:15,607
don't even know why we do it.
Haven't you ever wondered why
your turtle has no shell?
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00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:16,642
Haven't you ever wondered why
your turtle has no shell?
>> No.
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00:01:16,644 --> 00:01:17,576
your turtle has no shell?
>> No.
>> Oh, just let him.
40
00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:18,644
>> No.
>> Oh, just let him.
It'll only take 21 minutes
41
00:01:18,646 --> 00:01:19,945
>> Oh, just let him.
It'll only take 21 minutes
plus commercials.
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00:01:24,017 --> 00:01:25,484
>> Here you go.
43
00:01:26,719 --> 00:01:27,886
Promotes the show.
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00:01:29,689 --> 00:01:33,859
To learn more, let's go back in
time to the day
you were circumcised.
45
00:01:33,861 --> 00:01:35,160
time to the day
you were circumcised.
>> God, no.
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00:01:35,162 --> 00:01:35,861
you were circumcised.
>> God, no.
>> By the time your tip
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00:01:35,863 --> 00:01:36,762
>> God, no.
>> By the time your tip
got snipped,
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00:01:36,764 --> 00:01:37,563
>> By the time your tip
got snipped,
circumcision had been
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00:01:37,565 --> 00:01:39,565
got snipped,
circumcision had been
a tradition for generations.
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00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:40,799
circumcision had been
a tradition for generations.
>> Mr. and Mrs. Murphy,
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00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:41,467
a tradition for generations.
>> Mr. and Mrs. Murphy,
would you like me to
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00:01:41,469 --> 00:01:43,168
>> Mr. and Mrs. Murphy,
would you like me to
circumcise Brian?
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00:01:43,170 --> 00:01:44,570
would you like me to
circumcise Brian?
>> Um, yeah, I guess.
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00:01:44,572 --> 00:01:45,437
circumcise Brian?
>> Um, yeah, I guess.
I mean, his should look like
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00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:47,506
>> Um, yeah, I guess.
I mean, his should look like
mine, right?
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00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:48,173
I mean, his should look like
mine, right?
Ooh!
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00:01:48,175 --> 00:01:48,841
mine, right?
Ooh!
(baby crying)
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00:01:48,843 --> 00:01:49,508
Ooh!
(baby crying)
>> But the source of that
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00:01:49,510 --> 00:01:51,076
(baby crying)
>> But the source of that
tradition is real weird.
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00:01:51,177 --> 00:01:53,712
>> His should look like
mine, right?
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00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:54,480
mine, right?
>> His should look like
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00:01:54,482 --> 00:01:55,881
>> His should look like
mine, right?
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00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:57,916
mine, right?
>> Yep, better cut him.
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00:01:57,918 --> 00:01:58,684
>> Yep, better cut him.
Reckon it'll stop him
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00:01:58,686 --> 00:01:59,384
Reckon it'll stop him
from masturbating.
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00:01:59,386 --> 00:02:00,219
from masturbating.
>> What?
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00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:03,155
>> Yep.
Though religious circumcision
has been practiced in the Middle
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00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:04,723
Though religious circumcision
has been practiced in the Middle
East for millennia, no one did
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00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:05,524
has been practiced in the Middle
East for millennia, no one did
it in the U.S.
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00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:07,192
East for millennia, no one did
it in the U.S.
until the puritanical 19th
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00:02:07,194 --> 00:02:09,094
it in the U.S.
until the puritanical 19th
century, when sexphobic doctors
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00:02:09,096 --> 00:02:10,329
until the puritanical 19th
century, when sexphobic doctors
promoted it as a way of
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00:02:10,331 --> 00:02:11,263
century, when sexphobic doctors
promoted it as a way of
preventing your kids from
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00:02:11,265 --> 00:02:13,132
promoted it as a way of
preventing your kids from
committing their favorite sin.
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00:02:13,134 --> 00:02:14,032
preventing your kids from
committing their favorite sin.
>> Observe.
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00:02:14,034 --> 00:02:16,034
committing their favorite sin.
>> Observe.
The vile masturbator.
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00:02:16,036 --> 00:02:17,402
>> Observe.
The vile masturbator.
The sallow complexion.
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00:02:17,404 --> 00:02:18,704
The vile masturbator.
The sallow complexion.
The rotten teeth.
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00:02:18,706 --> 00:02:20,339
The sallow complexion.
The rotten teeth.
The open sores.
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00:02:20,341 --> 00:02:21,073
The rotten teeth.
The open sores.
>> Actually, I think
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00:02:21,075 --> 00:02:21,974
The open sores.
>> Actually, I think
I have syphilis.
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00:02:21,976 --> 00:02:23,342
>> Actually, I think
I have syphilis.
>> Official diagnosis:
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00:02:23,344 --> 00:02:24,910
I have syphilis.
>> Official diagnosis:
masturbation!
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00:02:24,912 --> 00:02:26,044
>> Official diagnosis:
masturbation!
>> One prominent advocate of
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00:02:26,046 --> 00:02:27,613
masturbation!
>> One prominent advocate of
dingle-docking was, and I'm not
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00:02:27,615 --> 00:02:28,747
>> One prominent advocate of
dingle-docking was, and I'm not
making this up,
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00:02:28,749 --> 00:02:30,349
dingle-docking was, and I'm not
making this up,
John Harvey Kellogg,
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00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:32,251
making this up,
John Harvey Kellogg,
the inventor of Corn Flakes.
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00:02:32,253 --> 00:02:33,919
John Harvey Kellogg,
the inventor of Corn Flakes.
>> My cure is twofold.
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00:02:33,921 --> 00:02:35,587
the inventor of Corn Flakes.
>> My cure is twofold.
A diet rich in flaked corn.
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00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:37,289
>> My cure is twofold.
A diet rich in flaked corn.
>> Ooh!
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00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:38,257
A diet rich in flaked corn.
>> Ooh!
>> And cutting off part
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00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:39,158
>> Ooh!
>> And cutting off part
of the penis.
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00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:40,459
>> And cutting off part
of the penis.
>> Ahh!
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00:02:40,461 --> 00:02:42,227
of the penis.
>> Ahh!
>> Victorian prudes like Kellogg
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00:02:42,229 --> 00:02:43,962
>> Ahh!
>> Victorian prudes like Kellogg
just straight up hated sex
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00:02:43,964 --> 00:02:45,130
>> Victorian prudes like Kellogg
just straight up hated sex
and thought that by pruning your
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00:02:45,132 --> 00:02:46,498
just straight up hated sex
and thought that by pruning your
peter, they could contain your
99
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:49,001
and thought that by pruning your
peter, they could contain your
base and lustful instincts,
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00:02:49,003 --> 00:02:50,169
peter, they could contain your
base and lustful instincts,
and you don't even want to know
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00:02:50,171 --> 00:02:50,836
base and lustful instincts,
and you don't even want to know
what he thought
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00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:52,037
and you don't even want to know
what he thought
you should do to women.
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00:02:52,039 --> 00:02:53,438
what he thought
you should do to women.
>> Just apply a little carbolic
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00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:55,274
you should do to women.
>> Just apply a little carbolic
acid to the clitoris.
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00:02:55,276 --> 00:02:56,175
>> Just apply a little carbolic
acid to the clitoris.
>> Yikes.
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00:02:56,177 --> 00:02:56,842
acid to the clitoris.
>> Yikes.
Good thing that one didn't
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00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:57,743
>> Yikes.
Good thing that one didn't
catch on.
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00:02:57,745 --> 00:02:59,011
Good thing that one didn't
catch on.
>> That's crazy.
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catch on.
>> That's crazy.
Being circumcised doesn't stop
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>> That's crazy.
Being circumcised doesn't stop
me from masturbating.
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00:03:01,582 --> 00:03:02,514
Being circumcised doesn't stop
me from masturbating.
>> Yeah, I know.
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00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:03,448
me from masturbating.
>> Yeah, I know.
That's why it's so weird that
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00:03:03,450 --> 00:03:04,650
>> Yeah, I know.
That's why it's so weird that
we still do it.
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00:03:04,652 --> 00:03:05,751
That's why it's so weird that
we still do it.
>> But isn't it, like, cleaner,
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00:03:05,753 --> 00:03:06,652
we still do it.
>> But isn't it, like, cleaner,
or something?
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00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:07,352
>> But isn't it, like, cleaner,
or something?
>> Nope.
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00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:08,053
or something?
>> Nope.
That's just another old
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00:03:08,055 --> 00:03:09,254
>> Nope.
That's just another old
Victorian myth.
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00:03:09,256 --> 00:03:10,422
That's just another old
Victorian myth.
These guys had a lot of weird
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00:03:10,424 --> 00:03:12,090
Victorian myth.
These guys had a lot of weird
ideas about circumcision.
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00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:13,725
These guys had a lot of weird
ideas about circumcision.
>> Circumcision is cleaner.
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00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:14,826
ideas about circumcision.
>> Circumcision is cleaner.
Foreskin is for
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00:03:14,828 --> 00:03:16,161
>> Circumcision is cleaner.
Foreskin is for
filthy immigrants.
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00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:17,296
Foreskin is for
filthy immigrants.
>> And it cures convulsions.
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00:03:17,298 --> 00:03:18,330
filthy immigrants.
>> And it cures convulsions.
>> And tuberculosis.
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00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:18,997
>> And it cures convulsions.
>> And tuberculosis.
>> Plus, it's a fun
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00:03:18,999 --> 00:03:22,201
>> And tuberculosis.
>> Plus, it's a fun
craft project for doctors.
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00:03:22,203 --> 00:03:23,569
>> Plus, it's a fun
craft project for doctors.
>> Now, circumcision can help
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00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:25,170
craft project for doctors.
>> Now, circumcision can help
prevent a few rare infections,
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00:03:25,172 --> 00:03:26,572
>> Now, circumcision can help
prevent a few rare infections,
but so does, you know,
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00:03:26,574 --> 00:03:28,040
prevent a few rare infections,
but so does, you know,
washing your dingus.
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00:03:28,042 --> 00:03:29,107
but so does, you know,
washing your dingus.
Why would you have to cut off
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00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:30,275
washing your dingus.
Why would you have to cut off
part of your body to keep
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00:03:30,277 --> 00:03:31,310
Why would you have to cut off
part of your body to keep
it clean?
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00:03:31,312 --> 00:03:32,010
part of your body to keep
it clean?
You don't have to cut off your
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00:03:32,012 --> 00:03:32,811
it clean?
You don't have to cut off your
butt cheeks to keep your
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00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:33,712
You don't have to cut off your
butt cheeks to keep your
butt clean.
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00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:34,546
butt cheeks to keep your
butt clean.
>> Ahh.
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00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:36,915
butt clean.
>> Ahh.
There's a fine idea.
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00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:38,817
>> Ahh.
There's a fine idea.
>> Ahh!
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00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:39,585
There's a fine idea.
>> Ahh!
>> Ugh.
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00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:40,385
>> Ahh!
>> Ugh.
Let's get out of here.
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00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:42,054
>> Ugh.
Let's get out of here.
Taxi!
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00:03:42,056 --> 00:03:43,121
Let's get out of here.
Taxi!
>> Okay, but the foreskin
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00:03:43,123 --> 00:03:44,256
Taxi!
>> Okay, but the foreskin
is useless, right?
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00:03:44,258 --> 00:03:45,257
>> Okay, but the foreskin
is useless, right?
>> Actually, pal, the foreskin
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00:03:45,259 --> 00:03:46,325
is useless, right?
>> Actually, pal, the foreskin
plays a very important role
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00:03:46,327 --> 00:03:47,459
>> Actually, pal, the foreskin
plays a very important role
in sex.
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00:03:47,461 --> 00:03:48,794
plays a very important role
in sex.
It's filled with nerve endings.
150
00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:49,962
in sex.
It's filled with nerve endings.
It protects the glans so it
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00:03:49,964 --> 00:03:51,663
It's filled with nerve endings.
It protects the glans so it
doesn't become desensitized,
152
00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:53,365
It protects the glans so it
doesn't become desensitized,
and it's a natural lubricant.
153
00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:54,967
doesn't become desensitized,
and it's a natural lubricant.
>> Natural lubricant?
154
00:03:54,969 --> 00:03:55,968
and it's a natural lubricant.
>> Natural lubricant?
>> Like a hot dog in
155
00:03:55,970 --> 00:03:57,002
>> Natural lubricant?
>> Like a hot dog in
a buttered bun.
156
00:03:57,004 --> 00:03:57,669
>> Like a hot dog in
a buttered bun.
>> Yeah, like this, see?
157
00:03:57,671 --> 00:03:58,570
a buttered bun.
>> Yeah, like this, see?
Ee-ee, ee-ee, ee-ee.
158
00:03:58,572 --> 00:03:59,638
>> Yeah, like this, see?
Ee-ee, ee-ee, ee-ee.
>> Give me my hot dog.
159
00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:00,706
Ee-ee, ee-ee, ee-ee.
>> Give me my hot dog.
>> Weird metaphor.
160
00:04:00,708 --> 00:04:01,840
>> Give me my hot dog.
>> Weird metaphor.
>> Now, circumcision has been
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00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:03,208
>> Weird metaphor.
>> Now, circumcision has been
found to reduce the rate of HIV
162
00:04:03,210 --> 00:04:06,044
>> Now, circumcision has been
found to reduce the rate of HIV
acquisition in men by up to 60%,
163
00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:08,447
found to reduce the rate of HIV
acquisition in men by up to 60%,
but condoms reduce it by 80%,
164
00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:09,348
acquisition in men by up to 60%,
but condoms reduce it by 80%,
and they don't require you to,
165
00:04:09,350 --> 00:04:12,084
but condoms reduce it by 80%,
and they don't require you to,
you know, cut your dong off.
166
00:04:12,086 --> 00:04:14,720
and they don't require you to,
you know, cut your dong off.
>> Oh, hey, it's your place.
167
00:04:14,722 --> 00:04:16,188
you know, cut your dong off.
>> Oh, hey, it's your place.
>> Okay, but girls think uncut
168
00:04:16,190 --> 00:04:17,389
>> Oh, hey, it's your place.
>> Okay, but girls think uncut
dongs look weird.
169
00:04:17,391 --> 00:04:18,290
>> Okay, but girls think uncut
dongs look weird.
>> Interesting theory.
170
00:04:18,292 --> 00:04:20,259
dongs look weird.
>> Interesting theory.
Let's test it.
171
00:04:20,261 --> 00:04:22,160
>> Interesting theory.
Let's test it.
Excuse me, Miss?
172
00:04:22,162 --> 00:04:23,595
Let's test it.
Excuse me, Miss?
Does this dong look weird.
173
00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:24,630
Excuse me, Miss?
Does this dong look weird.
>> Yep.
174
00:04:24,632 --> 00:04:25,664
Does this dong look weird.
>> Yep.
>> And does this dong
175
00:04:25,666 --> 00:04:26,565
>> Yep.
>> And does this dong
look weird?
176
00:04:26,567 --> 00:04:27,299
>> And does this dong
look weird?
>> Yep.
177
00:04:27,301 --> 00:04:27,966
look weird?
>> Yep.
>> All right.
178
00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:29,368
>> Yep.
>> All right.
And does this dong look weird?
179
00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:30,335
>> All right.
And does this dong look weird?
>> Dude!
180
00:04:30,337 --> 00:04:31,103
And does this dong look weird?
>> Dude!
>> Yep.
181
00:04:31,105 --> 00:04:32,271
>> Dude!
>> Yep.
All dongs look weird.
182
00:04:32,273 --> 00:04:33,005
>> Yep.
All dongs look weird.
>> Oh. Hayley!
183
00:04:33,007 --> 00:04:33,672
All dongs look weird.
>> Oh. Hayley!
Hi!
184
00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:34,339
>> Oh. Hayley!
Hi!
>> Hey, guys.
185
00:04:34,341 --> 00:04:35,073
Hi!
>> Hey, guys.
>> Oh, hold on one second,
186
00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:36,675
>> Hey, guys.
>> Oh, hold on one second,
I'll be right down!
187
00:04:38,878 --> 00:04:42,547
>> Hey, Adam.
Ruining something?
>> Yep, just telling Murph
188
00:04:42,549 --> 00:04:43,649
Ruining something?
>> Yep, just telling Murph
about circumcision,
189
00:04:43,651 --> 00:04:45,050
>> Yep, just telling Murph
about circumcision,
the old "circumsizz."
190
00:04:45,052 --> 00:04:46,418
about circumcision,
the old "circumsizz."
See, back in the Victorian era--
191
00:04:46,420 --> 00:04:47,519
the old "circumsizz."
See, back in the Victorian era--
>> Another time.
192
00:04:47,521 --> 00:04:48,420
See, back in the Victorian era--
>> Another time.
I'm running late for this boozy
193
00:04:48,422 --> 00:04:49,755
>> Another time.
I'm running late for this boozy
painting class.
194
00:04:49,757 --> 00:04:50,856
I'm running late for this boozy
painting class.
It's dumb.
195
00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:51,857
painting class.
It's dumb.
Something us affluent
196
00:04:51,859 --> 00:04:53,191
It's dumb.
Something us affluent
millenials do.
197
00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:54,526
Something us affluent
millenials do.
>> With that guy Matt?
198
00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:55,427
millenials do.
>> With that guy Matt?
>> Matt?
199
00:04:55,429 --> 00:04:56,662
>> With that guy Matt?
>> Matt?
No, we broke up.
200
00:04:56,664 --> 00:04:58,664
>> Matt?
No, we broke up.
He was kinda dumb.
201
00:04:58,666 --> 00:04:59,364
No, we broke up.
He was kinda dumb.
Just ran out of stuff to
202
00:04:59,366 --> 00:05:00,399
He was kinda dumb.
Just ran out of stuff to
talk about.
203
00:05:00,401 --> 00:05:01,466
Just ran out of stuff to
talk about.
>> Really?
204
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:03,468
talk about.
>> Really?
That's too bad.
205
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:06,271
>> Really?
That's too bad.
>> Did you want to come?
206
00:05:06,273 --> 00:05:08,307
That's too bad.
>> Did you want to come?
>> Of course.
207
00:05:08,309 --> 00:05:10,475
>> Did you want to come?
>> Of course.
But... (sighing)
208
00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:11,610
>> Of course.
But... (sighing)
I have more awesome sex facts
209
00:05:11,612 --> 00:05:12,778
But... (sighing)
I have more awesome sex facts
to tell.
210
00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:14,079
I have more awesome sex facts
to tell.
(groaning)
211
00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:15,947
to tell.
(groaning)
Can I take a rain check?
212
00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:17,716
(groaning)
Can I take a rain check?
>> We'll see.
213
00:05:20,219 --> 00:05:22,654
(car door opening, closing)
214
00:05:23,890 --> 00:05:27,459
>> Hey.
Can we wrap it up?
>> Sure.
215
00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:28,160
Can we wrap it up?
>> Sure.
Now, look.
216
00:05:28,162 --> 00:05:29,328
>> Sure.
Now, look.
If you like being circumcised,
217
00:05:29,330 --> 00:05:30,295
Now, look.
If you like being circumcised,
or you did it for religious
218
00:05:30,297 --> 00:05:31,430
If you like being circumcised,
or you did it for religious
reasons, fine.
219
00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:32,564
or you did it for religious
reasons, fine.
There's no harm in it.
220
00:05:32,566 --> 00:05:33,665
reasons, fine.
There's no harm in it.
But as far as I can tell,
221
00:05:33,766 --> 00:05:36,335
there's also no particularly
compelling reason to do it,
222
00:05:36,337 --> 00:05:37,135
compelling reason to do it,
and the only reason you are
223
00:05:37,137 --> 00:05:38,537
and the only reason you are
circumcised is because a bunch
224
00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:40,038
circumcised is because a bunch
of 19th century prudes were
225
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:42,040
of 19th century prudes were
trying to ruin your sex life.
226
00:05:42,141 --> 00:05:46,378
Have fun.
>> You're back early.
Want to pick up where we
227
00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:47,746
>> You're back early.
Want to pick up where we
left off?
228
00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:48,413
Want to pick up where we
left off?
>> Not really in
229
00:05:48,415 --> 00:05:49,915
left off?
>> Not really in
the mood anymore.
230
00:05:49,917 --> 00:05:51,850
>> Not really in
the mood anymore.
>> Understandable.
231
00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:53,218
the mood anymore.
>> Understandable.
>> I'm just gonna go over
232
00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:54,353
>> Understandable.
>> I'm just gonna go over
the lesson plan for health
233
00:05:54,355 --> 00:05:55,754
>> I'm just gonna go over
the lesson plan for health
class tomorrow.
234
00:05:55,756 --> 00:05:56,788
the lesson plan for health
class tomorrow.
It's a big one.
235
00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:57,622
class tomorrow.
It's a big one.
We're going over the dangers
236
00:05:57,624 --> 00:05:59,391
It's a big one.
We're going over the dangers
of herpes.
237
00:05:59,393 --> 00:06:00,559
We're going over the dangers
of herpes.
Where did I leave that?
238
00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:01,393
of herpes.
Where did I leave that?
>> Oh, wow.
239
00:06:01,395 --> 00:06:02,494
Where did I leave that?
>> Oh, wow.
Everything you know about
240
00:06:02,496 --> 00:06:03,895
>> Oh, wow.
Everything you know about
herpes is wrong.
241
00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:04,563
Everything you know about
herpes is wrong.
We're gonna have to talk
242
00:06:04,565 --> 00:06:05,630
herpes is wrong.
We're gonna have to talk
about this.
243
00:06:05,632 --> 00:06:06,498
We're gonna have to talk
about this.
Nope.
244
00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:07,532
about this.
Nope.
Nope.
245
00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:08,667
Nope.
Nope.
Oh, this one's really bad.
246
00:06:08,669 --> 00:06:09,534
Nope.
Oh, this one's really bad.
Uh-uh.
247
00:06:11,504 --> 00:06:14,473
All right, health class.
What's in the lesson plan
tomorrow, teach?
248
00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:15,140
What's in the lesson plan
tomorrow, teach?
>> I'm teaching them
249
00:06:15,142 --> 00:06:15,807
tomorrow, teach?
>> I'm teaching them
about herpes.
250
00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:16,575
>> I'm teaching them
about herpes.
>> Oh.
251
00:06:16,577 --> 00:06:17,542
about herpes.
>> Oh.
About how herpes isn't a big
252
00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:18,243
>> Oh.
About how herpes isn't a big
deal and people don't really
253
00:06:18,245 --> 00:06:19,077
About how herpes isn't a big
deal and people don't really
need to worry about it?
254
00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:19,945
deal and people don't really
need to worry about it?
>> What?
255
00:06:19,947 --> 00:06:21,446
need to worry about it?
>> What?
No, about how herpes is super
256
00:06:21,448 --> 00:06:22,881
>> What?
No, about how herpes is super
serious and very dangerous.
257
00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:24,383
No, about how herpes is super
serious and very dangerous.
>> Uh, herpes isn't dangerous.
258
00:06:24,385 --> 00:06:25,250
serious and very dangerous.
>> Uh, herpes isn't dangerous.
Most of the time, it's not
259
00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:26,318
>> Uh, herpes isn't dangerous.
Most of the time, it's not
even noticeable.
260
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:31,690
>> Oh, no, you don't, buddy.
'Cause I actually know what
I'm talking about this time.
261
00:06:31,692 --> 00:06:33,258
'Cause I actually know what
I'm talking about this time.
I even made a video about it to
262
00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:34,326
I'm talking about this time.
I even made a video about it to
teach my students.
263
00:06:34,328 --> 00:06:35,360
I even made a video about it to
teach my students.
>> Oh, cool, let's watch it.
264
00:06:35,362 --> 00:06:36,628
teach my students.
>> Oh, cool, let's watch it.
>> Yeah, let's!
265
00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:37,462
>> Oh, cool, let's watch it.
>> Yeah, let's!
I know this is a trap,
266
00:06:37,464 --> 00:06:38,764
>> Yeah, let's!
I know this is a trap,
but I'm very confident.
267
00:06:41,367 --> 00:06:43,769
Hey, kids.
DJ Murph here.
268
00:06:45,605 --> 00:06:48,173
I'm gonna use this to apply
to film school.
>> You totally should.
269
00:06:48,175 --> 00:06:49,141
to film school.
>> You totally should.
>> And I'm here to talk to you
270
00:06:49,143 --> 00:06:50,509
>> You totally should.
>> And I'm here to talk to you
about herpes!
271
00:06:50,511 --> 00:06:52,077
>> And I'm here to talk to you
about herpes!
(distorted) It is a serious
272
00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:55,180
about herpes!
(distorted) It is a serious
sexually transmitted disease.
273
00:06:55,182 --> 00:06:56,181
(distorted) It is a serious
sexually transmitted disease.
>> Wow.
274
00:06:56,183 --> 00:06:58,216
sexually transmitted disease.
>> Wow.
Herpes, that sounds scary.
275
00:06:58,218 --> 00:06:59,151
>> Wow.
Herpes, that sounds scary.
I'm a teen.
276
00:06:59,153 --> 00:06:59,851
Herpes, that sounds scary.
I'm a teen.
>> Disease.
277
00:06:59,853 --> 00:07:00,986
I'm a teen.
>> Disease.
It is.
278
00:07:00,988 --> 00:07:02,754
>> Disease.
It is.
Just ask Herpy, the terrifying
279
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:04,456
It is.
Just ask Herpy, the terrifying
genital herpes virus.
280
00:07:04,557 --> 00:07:07,125
>> Four out of five people
who carry me don't know
281
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:08,193
who carry me don't know
they have it.
282
00:07:08,195 --> 00:07:10,162
they have it.
I cause an eruption of red sores
283
00:07:10,164 --> 00:07:11,763
I cause an eruption of red sores
around your genitals
284
00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:13,432
around your genitals
and I'm incurable.
285
00:07:13,566 --> 00:07:16,735
(laughing)
>> Great special effects.
>> George Lucas is a big
286
00:07:16,737 --> 00:07:18,069
>> Great special effects.
>> George Lucas is a big
influence on my work.
287
00:07:18,071 --> 00:07:19,571
>> George Lucas is a big
influence on my work.
>> Wow, it sounds like herpes
288
00:07:19,573 --> 00:07:20,405
influence on my work.
>> Wow, it sounds like herpes
is terrible.
289
00:07:20,407 --> 00:07:21,807
>> Wow, it sounds like herpes
is terrible.
Me and my bae better not be
290
00:07:21,809 --> 00:07:24,142
is terrible.
Me and my bae better not be
having sexual intercourse.
291
00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:25,343
Me and my bae better not be
having sexual intercourse.
>> I wouldn't say that.
292
00:07:25,345 --> 00:07:27,112
having sexual intercourse.
>> I wouldn't say that.
But I would rap it.
293
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:31,383
♪
♪ Herpes ♪
♪ No ♪
294
00:07:31,385 --> 00:07:32,317
♪ Herpes ♪
♪ No ♪
♪ Don't ♪
295
00:07:32,319 --> 00:07:33,218
♪ No ♪
♪ Don't ♪
♪ Stop stop ♪
296
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:34,019
♪ Don't ♪
♪ Stop stop ♪
♪ No ♪
297
00:07:34,021 --> 00:07:35,487
♪ Stop stop ♪
♪ No ♪
♪ Don't ♪
298
00:07:35,489 --> 00:07:37,289
♪ No ♪
♪ Don't ♪
♪ Herpes is for derpies ♪
299
00:07:37,291 --> 00:07:38,423
♪ Don't ♪
♪ Herpes is for derpies ♪
♪ Herpes, yo ♪
300
00:07:38,425 --> 00:07:39,691
♪ Herpes is for derpies ♪
♪ Herpes, yo ♪
♪ It ain't chill ♪
301
00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:40,992
♪ Herpes, yo ♪
♪ It ain't chill ♪
♪ You can't cure it ♪
302
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:42,227
♪ It ain't chill ♪
♪ You can't cure it ♪
♪ With a pill ♪
303
00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:44,696
♪ You can't cure it ♪
♪ With a pill ♪
♪ One in six Americans ♪
304
00:07:44,698 --> 00:07:47,399
♪ With a pill ♪
♪ One in six Americans ♪
♪ Carry herpes in their pants ♪
305
00:07:47,401 --> 00:07:48,433
♪ One in six Americans ♪
♪ Carry herpes in their pants ♪
>> These scare tactics are full
306
00:07:48,435 --> 00:07:49,201
♪ Carry herpes in their pants ♪
>> These scare tactics are full
of crap.
307
00:07:49,203 --> 00:07:50,335
>> These scare tactics are full
of crap.
>> Ahh!
308
00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:51,670
of crap.
>> Ahh!
>> This is getting good.
309
00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:52,471
>> Ahh!
>> This is getting good.
>> It's time for you two
310
00:07:52,473 --> 00:07:53,772
>> This is getting good.
>> It's time for you twoto learn what herpes is
311
00:07:53,774 --> 00:07:54,873
>> It's time for you twoto learn what herpes is
really like.
312
00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:56,641
to learn what herpes is
really like.
Ready to show 'em, Herpy?
313
00:07:56,643 --> 00:07:57,943
really like.
Ready to show 'em, Herpy?
>> I'm really not so bad,
314
00:07:57,945 --> 00:07:59,010
Ready to show 'em, Herpy?
>> I'm really not so bad,
buddies.
315
00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:00,612
>> I'm really not so bad,
buddies.
Whee!
316
00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:01,279
buddies.
Whee!
>> Did you just give us
317
00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:02,481
Whee!
>> Did you just give us
herpes for real?
318
00:08:02,483 --> 00:08:03,181
>> Did you just give us
herpes for real?
>> Yep.
319
00:08:03,183 --> 00:08:04,149
herpes for real?
>> Yep.
You're welcome.
320
00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:05,584
>> Yep.
You're welcome.
>> What the actual hell?
321
00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:06,251
You're welcome.
>> What the actual hell?
You just gave us
322
00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:07,552
>> What the actual hell?
You just gave us
a serious disease.
323
00:08:07,554 --> 00:08:08,353
You just gave us
a serious disease.
>> No, I didn't.
324
00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:09,855
a serious disease.
>> No, I didn't.
I gave you herpes.
325
00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:11,756
>> No, I didn't.
I gave you herpes.
Let's break it down.
326
00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:18,864
♪
Uhh!
Okay, starting from the top.
327
00:08:18,866 --> 00:08:20,298
Uhh!
Okay, starting from the top.
Eruptions of sores?
328
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:21,633
Okay, starting from the top.
Eruptions of sores?
That's scare mongering.
329
00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:22,834
Eruptions of sores?
That's scare mongering.
Let's call them what they are.
330
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,202
That's scare mongering.
Let's call them what they are.
Little red bumps.
331
00:08:24,204 --> 00:08:25,370
Let's call them what they are.
Little red bumps.
>> Sounds gross.
332
00:08:25,372 --> 00:08:26,938
Little red bumps.
>> Sounds gross.
>> Yeah, except, you're already
333
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:28,440
>> Sounds gross.
>> Yeah, except, you're already
covered with little red bumps.
334
00:08:28,442 --> 00:08:29,207
>> Yeah, except, you're already
covered with little red bumps.
Mosquito bites,
335
00:08:29,209 --> 00:08:30,642
covered with little red bumps.
Mosquito bites,
ingrown hairs, pimples.
336
00:08:30,776 --> 00:08:33,111
To be human is to be covered in
little red bumps, yo.
337
00:08:33,212 --> 00:08:38,183
>> It's true, I do have bacne.
>> Yo, you got Conover'd!
Secondly, the reason four out of
338
00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:39,384
>> Yo, you got Conover'd!
Secondly, the reason four out of
five carriers don't know they
339
00:08:39,386 --> 00:08:40,952
Secondly, the reason four out of
five carriers don't know they
have it is because they either
340
00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:42,654
five carriers don't know they
have it is because they either
have no symptoms or their
341
00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:44,089
have it is because they either
have no symptoms or their
symptoms are so mild they never
342
00:08:44,091 --> 00:08:46,024
have no symptoms or their
symptoms are so mild they never
notice, and nearly everyone
343
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:46,691
symptoms are so mild they never
notice, and nearly everyone
has it.
344
00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:47,926
notice, and nearly everyone
has it.
If you include oral herpes,
345
00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:49,961
has it.
If you include oral herpes,
worldwide, nearly 90% of the
346
00:08:49,963 --> 00:08:51,963
If you include oral herpes,
worldwide, nearly 90% of the
global population carries some
347
00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:52,998
worldwide, nearly 90% of the
global population carries some
strain of herpes.
348
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:53,965
global population carries some
strain of herpes.
What?
349
00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:54,833
strain of herpes.
What?
And that means, if you don't
350
00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:56,134
What?
And that means, if you don't
have it, you're the weird one.
351
00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:58,470
And that means, if you don't
have it, you're the weird one.
You're the weird one.
352
00:08:58,472 --> 00:08:59,404
have it, you're the weird one.
You're the weird one.
Oh!
353
00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:00,972
You're the weird one.
Oh!
Stop it!
354
00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:01,806
Oh!
Stop it!
Stop it, I don't
355
00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:03,475
Stop it!
Stop it, I don't
play basketball.
356
00:09:03,477 --> 00:09:04,676
Stop it, I don't
play basketball.
>> No.
357
00:09:04,678 --> 00:09:06,344
play basketball.
>> No.
I straight up don't believe you.
358
00:09:06,346 --> 00:09:07,345
>> No.
I straight up don't believe you.
You're not a doctor.
359
00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:08,313
I straight up don't believe you.
You're not a doctor.
>> Neither are you.
360
00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:09,281
You're not a doctor.
>> Neither are you.
You're a gym teacher.
361
00:09:09,283 --> 00:09:11,082
>> Neither are you.
You're a gym teacher.
This is a doctor.
362
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:11,750
You're a gym teacher.
This is a doctor.
>> Oh!
363
00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:12,417
This is a doctor.
>> Oh!
>> Oh, my God.
364
00:09:12,419 --> 00:09:13,084
>> Oh!
>> Oh, my God.
>> Guys, this is
365
00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:13,885
>> Oh, my God.
>> Guys, this is
Dr. Jennifer Lang,
366
00:09:13,986 --> 00:09:17,789
a board-certified OBGYN.
>> Hey, guys.
>> Thank God.
367
00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:22,561
This guy just gave us herpes.
What's gonna happen to us?
>> Probably not a lot.
368
00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:23,361
What's gonna happen to us?
>> Probably not a lot.
Most people don't even
369
00:09:23,363 --> 00:09:24,796
>> Probably not a lot.
Most people don't even
develop symptoms.
370
00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:26,097
Most people don't even
develop symptoms.
Some people might have a mild
371
00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:27,766
develop symptoms.
Some people might have a mild
rash around the mouth or genital
372
00:09:27,768 --> 00:09:29,067
Some people might have a mild
rash around the mouth or genital
region, maybe some red
373
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:30,502
rash around the mouth or genital
region, maybe some red
or white bumps.
374
00:09:30,504 --> 00:09:31,469
region, maybe some red
or white bumps.
The truth is, if you're not
375
00:09:31,471 --> 00:09:32,938
or white bumps.
The truth is, if you're not
immunocompromised during
376
00:09:32,940 --> 00:09:33,605
The truth is, if you're not
immunocompromised during
the late stages
377
00:09:33,607 --> 00:09:34,839
immunocompromised during
the late stages
of pregnancy, you really
378
00:09:34,841 --> 00:09:36,508
the late stages
of pregnancy, you really
don't have to worry about it.
379
00:09:36,510 --> 00:09:38,176
of pregnancy, you really
don't have to worry about it.
Most sexually active adults ae
380
00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:39,611
don't have to worry about it.
Most sexually active adults aegonna be exposed to herpes at
381
00:09:39,613 --> 00:09:41,012
Most sexually active adults aegonna be exposed to herpes atsome point in their life.
382
00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:42,714
gonna be exposed to herpes atsome point in their life.It's really not a big deal.
383
00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:44,382
some point in their life.It's really not a big deal.
That's what I tell my patients.
384
00:09:44,384 --> 00:09:45,083
It's really not a big deal.
That's what I tell my patients.
>> Thanks.
385
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:45,884
That's what I tell my patients.
>> Thanks.
>> Thanks, Jennifer.
386
00:09:45,886 --> 00:09:46,718
>> Thanks.
>> Thanks, Jennifer.
>> Oh!
387
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:47,686
>> Thanks, Jennifer.
>> Oh!
>> Oh, my God.
388
00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:48,353
>> Oh!
>> Oh, my God.
>> Ow!
389
00:09:48,355 --> 00:09:49,754
>> Oh, my God.
>> Ow!
>> You gotta give us sunglasses.
390
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:50,555
>> Ow!
>> You gotta give us sunglasses.
>> The fact is,
391
00:09:50,557 --> 00:09:52,023
>> You gotta give us sunglasses.
>> The fact is,
our culture's fear of herpes
392
00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:52,824
>> The fact is,
our culture's fear of herpes
is totally
393
00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:54,459
our culture's fear of herpes
is totally
out of proportion with how mild
394
00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:55,961
is totally
out of proportion with how mild
the disease actually is.
395
00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:57,095
out of proportion with how mild
the disease actually is.
We're treating what's basically
396
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:58,663
the disease actually is.
We're treating what's basically
junk acne like it's some kind of
397
00:09:58,665 --> 00:10:00,865
We're treating what's basically
junk acne like it's some kind of
sexual plague, and that fear
398
00:10:00,867 --> 00:10:02,067
junk acne like it's some kind of
sexual plague, and that fear
is pretty recent.
399
00:10:02,069 --> 00:10:03,134
sexual plague, and that fear
is pretty recent.
Up until a few decades ago,
400
00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:04,102
is pretty recent.
Up until a few decades ago,
no one gave a crap
401
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:05,236
Up until a few decades ago,
no one gave a crap
about herpes.
402
00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:10,108
>> Whee!
>> Samantha Beth, my darling,
there's something you must know.
403
00:10:10,209 --> 00:10:15,714
I've got red bumps on my junk.
>> Oh, Charles!
Me too.
404
00:10:15,716 --> 00:10:18,149
>> Oh, Charles!
Me too.
Whatever.
405
00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:19,250
Me too.
Whatever.
>> But all of that changed
406
00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:20,619
Whatever.
>> But all of that changed
in the early '80s.
407
00:10:20,621 --> 00:10:21,353
>> But all of that changed
in the early '80s.
In the hangover
408
00:10:21,355 --> 00:10:22,554
in the early '80s.
In the hangover
from the sexual revolution,
409
00:10:22,556 --> 00:10:24,122
In the hangover
from the sexual revolution,
there was a straight-up cultural
410
00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:26,291
from the sexual revolution,
there was a straight-up cultural
freak-out about STDs and even
411
00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:27,959
there was a straight-up cultural
freak-out about STDs and even
benign diseases like herpes
412
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:28,927
freak-out about STDs and even
benign diseases like herpes
got swept up in
413
00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:30,528
benign diseases like herpes
got swept up in
the puritanical panic.
414
00:10:30,530 --> 00:10:31,429
got swept up in
the puritanical panic.
Check out this real
415
00:10:31,431 --> 00:10:33,598
the puritanical panic.
Check out this real
Time Magazine cover from 1982.
416
00:10:35,434 --> 00:10:36,201
>> Whoa!
417
00:10:36,335 --> 00:10:39,137
Even I think that's too intense
and I scare kids for a living.
418
00:10:39,238 --> 00:10:41,072
>> Yeah, and it worked.
419
00:10:41,173 --> 00:10:45,610
>> Hey, babe.
I've got red bumps on my wiener.
(woman gasps)
420
00:10:45,711 --> 00:10:49,648
>> That's not tubular.
>> I'm gonna die.
>> Holy crow.
421
00:10:49,650 --> 00:10:50,515
>> I'm gonna die.
>> Holy crow.
That does seem out
422
00:10:50,517 --> 00:10:51,383
>> Holy crow.
That does seem out
of proportion.
423
00:10:51,385 --> 00:10:52,050
That does seem out
of proportion.
>> Yeah.
424
00:10:52,052 --> 00:10:53,084
of proportion.
>> Yeah.
The only serious side effect
425
00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:55,153
>> Yeah.
The only serious side effect
of herpes is shame.
426
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:56,421
The only serious side effect
of herpes is shame.
One study found that people
427
00:10:56,423 --> 00:10:57,722
of herpes is shame.
One study found that people
consider herpes more shameful
428
00:10:57,724 --> 00:11:00,759
One study found that people
consider herpes more shameful
than any STD other than HIV.
429
00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:02,327
consider herpes more shameful
than any STD other than HIV.
That's crazy.
430
00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:03,361
than any STD other than HIV.
That's crazy.
And herpes is considered
431
00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:04,629
That's crazy.
And herpes is considered
so stigmatized,
432
00:11:04,631 --> 00:11:05,897
And herpes is considered
so stigmatized,
there are multiple online dating
433
00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:07,065
so stigmatized,
there are multiple online dating
sites just for people
434
00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:07,966
there are multiple online dating
sites just for people
with herpes.
435
00:11:07,968 --> 00:11:09,300
sites just for people
with herpes.
All of this over a disease
436
00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:11,636
with herpes.
All of this over a disease
that 90% of people have.
437
00:11:11,638 --> 00:11:12,671
All of this over a disease
that 90% of people have.
You know what else is a herpes
438
00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:13,505
that 90% of people have.
You know what else is a herpes
dating site?
439
00:11:13,507 --> 00:11:14,906
You know what else is a herpes
dating site?
OKCupid, Match.com,
440
00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:15,840
dating site?
OKCupid, Match.com,
Christian Mingle.
441
00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:16,908
OKCupid, Match.com,
Christian Mingle.
All of them because nine out
442
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:18,576
Christian Mingle.
All of them because nine out
of ten people have herpes.
443
00:11:18,578 --> 00:11:20,178
All of them because nine out
of ten people have herpes.
The only difference between
444
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:21,046
of ten people have herpes.
The only difference between
this guy...
445
00:11:21,048 --> 00:11:22,514
The only difference between
this guy...
>> I'm diseased!
446
00:11:22,516 --> 00:11:23,982
this guy...
>> I'm diseased!
I'll be alone forever.
447
00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:25,116
>> I'm diseased!
I'll be alone forever.
>> ... and this guy...
448
00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:26,084
I'll be alone forever.
>> ... and this guy...
>> How you doing, folks?
449
00:11:26,086 --> 00:11:27,085
>> ... and this guy...
>> How you doing, folks?
Anyone for a fulfilling
450
00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:28,787
>> How you doing, folks?
Anyone for a fulfilling
sexual relationship?
451
00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:30,321
Anyone for a fulfilling
sexual relationship?
>> Is that the first guy knows
452
00:11:30,323 --> 00:11:31,456
sexual relationship?
>> Is that the first guy knows
he has herpes.
453
00:11:31,458 --> 00:11:32,691
>> Is that the first guy knows
he has herpes.
>> Oh, poor sap.
454
00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:34,893
he has herpes.
>> Oh, poor sap.
Wait, what?
455
00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:36,361
>> Oh, poor sap.
Wait, what?
>> The fact that we shame each
456
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:38,430
Wait, what?
>> The fact that we shame each
other this hard over a disease
457
00:11:38,432 --> 00:11:40,799
>> The fact that we shame each
other this hard over a disease
that practically everyone has
458
00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:42,400
other this hard over a disease
that practically everyone has
is truly awful.
459
00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:43,401
that practically everyone has
is truly awful.
>> Okay.
460
00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:45,303
is truly awful.
>> Okay.
I mean, I probably shouldn't be
461
00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:46,271
>> Okay.
I mean, I probably shouldn't be
that scary about herpes
462
00:11:46,273 --> 00:11:47,706
I mean, I probably shouldn't be
that scary about herpes
in class.
463
00:11:47,708 --> 00:11:49,040
that scary about herpes
in class.
It's really not that dangerous.
464
00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:50,442
in class.
It's really not that dangerous.
>> Looks like he's getting it,
465
00:11:50,444 --> 00:11:51,409
It's really not that dangerous.
>> Looks like he's getting it,
huh, Herpy?
466
00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:52,544
>> Looks like he's getting it,
huh, Herpy?
>> Yay!
467
00:11:52,546 --> 00:11:54,312
huh, Herpy?
>> Yay!
Good job, new friends.
468
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:55,580
>> Yay!
Good job, new friends.
>> Hey, Herpy.
469
00:11:55,582 --> 00:11:57,115
Good job, new friends.
>> Hey, Herpy.
How about taking back the herpes
470
00:11:57,117 --> 00:11:58,149
>> Hey, Herpy.
How about taking back the herpes
you gave us?
471
00:11:58,151 --> 00:11:59,484
How about taking back the herpes
you gave us?
>> No can do!
472
00:11:59,486 --> 00:12:01,519
you gave us?
>> No can do!
You both already had herpes!
473
00:12:01,521 --> 00:12:02,220
>> No can do!
You both already had herpes!
>> What?
474
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:03,188
You both already had herpes!
>> What?
Since when?
475
00:12:03,190 --> 00:12:05,890
>> What?
Since when?
>> Since college!
476
00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:10,495
Since when?
>> Since college!
>> Oh, Herpy!
477
00:12:10,497 --> 00:12:11,830
>> Since college!
>> Oh, Herpy!
>> You know, the crazy thing is
478
00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:12,697
>> Oh, Herpy!
>> You know, the crazy thing is
I don't remember filming
479
00:12:12,699 --> 00:12:13,732
>> You know, the crazy thing is
I don't remember filming
any of that.
480
00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:14,432
I don't remember filming
any of that.
>> Well, now that I've popped
481
00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:15,300
any of that.
>> Well, now that I've popped
your knowledge cherry,
482
00:12:15,302 --> 00:12:16,835
>> Well, now that I've popped
your knowledge cherry,
I'll be on my way.
483
00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:21,206
He's a funny virus.
484
00:12:22,274 --> 00:12:24,976
(laughter)
>> Hang on.
Did you just say
485
00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:26,845
>> Hang on.
Did you just say
"popped our knowledge cherry"?
486
00:12:26,847 --> 00:12:28,546
Did you just say
"popped our knowledge cherry"?
>> Oh yeah, it's metaphor.
487
00:12:28,548 --> 00:12:31,182
"popped our knowledge cherry"?
>> Oh yeah, it's metaphor.
For puncturing a virgin's hymen.
488
00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:32,250
>> Oh yeah, it's metaphor.
For puncturing a virgin's hymen.
Gross, sorry.
489
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:33,551
For puncturing a virgin's hymen.
Gross, sorry.
>> Yeah, it's not just gross.
490
00:12:33,553 --> 00:12:35,186
Gross, sorry.
>> Yeah, it's not just gross.
It's totally wrong.
491
00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:36,855
>> Yeah, it's not just gross.
It's totally wrong.
That's not how a hymen works.
492
00:12:36,857 --> 00:12:37,522
It's totally wrong.
That's not how a hymen works.
>> Really?
493
00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:39,724
That's not how a hymen works.
>> Really?
I didn't know that.
494
00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:41,092
>> Really?
I didn't know that.
Whoa.
495
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,660
I didn't know that.
Whoa.
I didn't know something.
496
00:12:43,863 --> 00:12:49,134
>> Oh, my God!
If you didn't know something,
that means I get to teach
497
00:12:49,136 --> 00:12:50,401
If you didn't know something,
that means I get to teach
you something.
498
00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:52,837
that means I get to teach
you something.
Oh, my God, yes.
499
00:12:52,839 --> 00:12:54,172
you something.
Oh, my God, yes.
Up next, this is
500
00:12:54,174 --> 00:12:56,341
Oh, my God, yes.
Up next, this is
"Emily Ruins Everything."
501
00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:57,242
Up next, this is
"Emily Ruins Everything."
>> We're never gonna have sex,
502
00:12:57,244 --> 00:12:58,109
"Emily Ruins Everything."
>> We're never gonna have sex,
are we?
503
00:12:58,111 --> 00:12:59,310
>> We're never gonna have sex,
are we?
>> Sorry, babe.
504
00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:06,785
My turn to explain something.
Give me your magic TV powers.
Where are they?
505
00:13:06,787 --> 00:13:07,652
Give me your magic TV powers.
Where are they?
Is it your glasses?
506
00:13:07,654 --> 00:13:08,319
Where are they?
Is it your glasses?
>> No.
507
00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:08,987
Is it your glasses?
>> No.
>> It's your glasses.
508
00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:10,588
>> No.
>> It's your glasses.
(Adam groaning)
509
00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:11,256
>> It's your glasses.
(Adam groaning)
Whoa!
510
00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:13,024
(Adam groaning)
Whoa!
Your prescription's insane.
511
00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:14,325
Whoa!
Your prescription's insane.
>> Whoever has the knowledge
512
00:13:14,327 --> 00:13:15,960
Your prescription's insane.
>> Whoever has the knowledge
wields the power.
513
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:16,661
>> Whoever has the knowledge
wields the power.
>> Oh.
514
00:13:16,663 --> 00:13:17,996
wields the power.
>> Oh.
Really?
515
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:21,633
(snapping)
516
00:13:23,669 --> 00:13:27,605
(snapping)
>> Stop, you're only supposed to
use the powers for learning.
517
00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:29,107
>> Stop, you're only supposed to
use the powers for learning.
>> Oh, I'm getting there.
518
00:13:29,109 --> 00:13:30,441
use the powers for learning.
>> Oh, I'm getting there.
(clearing throat)
519
00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:32,911
>> Oh, I'm getting there.
(clearing throat)
Now, what do you two derpies
520
00:13:32,913 --> 00:13:34,946
(clearing throat)
Now, what do you two derpies
think a hymen is?
521
00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:35,613
Now, what do you two derpies
think a hymen is?
>> Do we have to talk
522
00:13:35,615 --> 00:13:36,281
think a hymen is?
>> Do we have to talk
about hymens?
523
00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:36,948
>> Do we have to talk
about hymens?
>> Seems like more of
524
00:13:36,950 --> 00:13:37,682
about hymens?
>> Seems like more of
a lady thing.
525
00:13:37,684 --> 00:13:38,783
>> Seems like more of
a lady thing.
>> Yeah.
526
00:13:41,787 --> 00:13:44,889
>> Ooh.
This is fun.
Grow up, guys.
527
00:13:44,891 --> 00:13:45,957
This is fun.
Grow up, guys.
You just spent ten minutes
528
00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:47,158
Grow up, guys.
You just spent ten minutes
talking about your ding-dongs.
529
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:48,593
You just spent ten minutes
talking about your ding-dongs.
I mean, why is it ickier if it's
530
00:13:48,595 --> 00:13:49,928
talking about your ding-dongs.
I mean, why is it ickier if it's
about a woman's body?
531
00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:50,829
I mean, why is it ickier if it's
about a woman's body?
>> Fair enough.
532
00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:52,831
about a woman's body?
>> Fair enough.
>> So, what's a hymen?
533
00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:56,034
>> Fair enough.
>> So, what's a hymen?
>> Okay, it's a bit of girl that
534
00:13:56,036 --> 00:13:59,003
>> So, what's a hymen?
>> Okay, it's a bit of girl that
covers the vaginal area until
535
00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:00,038
>> Okay, it's a bit of girl that
covers the vaginal area until
she has sex.
536
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:01,806
covers the vaginal area until
she has sex.
>> Yes, a freshness seal.
537
00:14:01,808 --> 00:14:03,908
she has sex.
>> Yes, a freshness seal.
>> Do not consume if open.
538
00:14:03,910 --> 00:14:04,576
>> Yes, a freshness seal.
>> Do not consume if open.
Sorry.
539
00:14:04,578 --> 00:14:05,243
>> Do not consume if open.
Sorry.
>> Yeah.
540
00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:05,944
Sorry.
>> Yeah.
That's what a lot of
541
00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:06,978
>> Yeah.
That's what a lot of
people think.
542
00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:12,350
People picture the hymen like
it's one of those paper banners
at a sports game.
543
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:13,484
it's one of those paper banners
at a sports game.
They think it covers up a lady's
544
00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:14,752
at a sports game.
They think it covers up a lady's
vagina and then when she has
545
00:14:14,754 --> 00:14:15,720
They think it covers up a lady's
vagina and then when she has
sex for the first time,
546
00:14:15,722 --> 00:14:17,622
vagina and then when she has
sex for the first time,
it gets busted.
547
00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:23,661
>> Seems pretty accurate.
>> Yep, let's go play
video games. (laughs)
548
00:14:23,663 --> 00:14:24,929
>> Yep, let's go play
video games. (laughs)
>> No, you don't.
549
00:14:24,931 --> 00:14:26,664
video games. (laughs)
>> No, you don't.
Everything about that is wrong.
550
00:14:26,666 --> 00:14:27,732
>> No, you don't.
Everything about that is wrong.
Okay, think about it.
551
00:14:27,734 --> 00:14:28,733
Everything about that is wrong.
Okay, think about it.
If our hymens completely sealed
552
00:14:28,735 --> 00:14:30,001
Okay, think about it.
If our hymens completely sealed
our vaginas, where would our
553
00:14:30,003 --> 00:14:31,002
If our hymens completely sealed
our vaginas, where would our
periods go?
554
00:14:31,004 --> 00:14:31,669
our vaginas, where would our
periods go?
I mean, we'd blow up like
555
00:14:31,671 --> 00:14:32,337
periods go?
I mean, we'd blow up like
the blueberry girl in
556
00:14:32,339 --> 00:14:33,004
I mean, we'd blow up like
the blueberry girl in
"Charlie and the
557
00:14:33,006 --> 00:14:33,738
the blueberry girl in
"Charlie and the
Chocolate Factory."
558
00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:34,405
"Charlie and the
Chocolate Factory."
>> Oh, yeah.
559
00:14:34,407 --> 00:14:36,708
Chocolate Factory."
>> Oh, yeah.
And where would you pee?
560
00:14:36,710 --> 00:14:37,442
>> Oh, yeah.
And where would you pee?
>> You know we don't pee out of
561
00:14:37,444 --> 00:14:39,377
And where would you pee?
>> You know we don't pee out of
our vaginas, right?
562
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:41,279
>> You know we don't pee out of
our vaginas, right?
We pee out of our urethras,
563
00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:42,280
our vaginas, right?
We pee out of our urethras,
which is a separate hole.
564
00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:43,848
We pee out of our urethras,
which is a separate hole.
You're a health teacher.
565
00:14:43,850 --> 00:14:45,016
which is a separate hole.
You're a health teacher.
>> And our school district
566
00:14:45,018 --> 00:14:47,051
You're a health teacher.
>> And our school district
is very underfunded.
567
00:14:47,053 --> 00:14:48,887
>> And our school district
is very underfunded.
So that's how many holes total?
568
00:14:50,222 --> 00:14:55,693
>> The hymen is actually a thin,
stretchy bit around the vagina.
In most women, our hymens have
569
00:14:55,695 --> 00:14:56,895
stretchy bit around the vagina.
In most women, our hymens have
an opening that's big enough for
570
00:14:56,897 --> 00:14:58,863
In most women, our hymens have
an opening that's big enough for
tampons, fingers, and yes,
571
00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:01,099
an opening that's big enough for
tampons, fingers, and yes,
getting bizzay.
572
00:15:01,101 --> 00:15:02,800
tampons, fingers, and yes,
getting bizzay.
But it's not like a barrier.
573
00:15:02,802 --> 00:15:05,203
getting bizzay.
But it's not like a barrier.
It's more like a...
574
00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:09,440
But it's not like a barrier.
It's more like a...
balloon arch.
575
00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:10,241
It's more like a...
balloon arch.
>> Okay, but doesn't the hymen
576
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:11,075
balloon arch.
>> Okay, but doesn't the hymen
break the first time you
577
00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:11,876
>> Okay, but doesn't the hymen
break the first time you
have sex?
578
00:15:11,878 --> 00:15:13,278
break the first time you
have sex?
Like, doesn't it hurt?
579
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:14,646
have sex?
Like, doesn't it hurt?
>> It doesn't have to.
580
00:15:14,648 --> 00:15:16,180
Like, doesn't it hurt?
>> It doesn't have to.
It might, if you're not careful
581
00:15:16,182 --> 00:15:16,948
>> It doesn't have to.
It might, if you're not careful
with it.
582
00:15:16,950 --> 00:15:18,283
It might, if you're not careful
with it.
>> Oh, gee...
583
00:15:18,285 --> 00:15:19,450
with it.
>> Oh, gee...
Oh, fudge.
584
00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:21,586
>> Oh, gee...
Oh, fudge.
I damaged the balloon arch.
585
00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:23,521
Oh, fudge.
I damaged the balloon arch.
Oh, fff-- God...
586
00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:25,256
I damaged the balloon arch.
Oh, fff-- God...
>> But it can also tear from
587
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:26,090
Oh, fff-- God...
>> But it can also tear from
doing the splits...
588
00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:27,425
>> But it can also tear from
doing the splits...
(balloons popping)
589
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,294
doing the splits...
(balloons popping)
... or just living our lives.
590
00:15:29,296 --> 00:15:31,129
(balloons popping)
... or just living our lives.
Even then, hymens can heal,
591
00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:32,363
... or just living our lives.
Even then, hymens can heal,
and a lot of them never even get
592
00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:33,831
Even then, hymens can heal,
and a lot of them never even get
torn in the first place.
593
00:15:33,833 --> 00:15:35,633
and a lot of them never even get
torn in the first place.
One study found that 52% of
594
00:15:35,635 --> 00:15:37,101
torn in the first place.
One study found that 52% of
sexually active teenage women
595
00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:38,503
One study found that 52% of
sexually active teenage women
had intact hymens.
596
00:15:38,505 --> 00:15:39,270
sexually active teenage women
had intact hymens.
>> Really?
597
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:40,271
had intact hymens.
>> Really?
>> Yeah.
598
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:41,873
>> Really?
>> Yeah.
>> (cheering) H-Y-M-E-N!
599
00:15:41,875 --> 00:15:43,508
>> Yeah.
>> (cheering) H-Y-M-E-N!
Not well understood by men!
600
00:15:43,510 --> 00:15:45,576
>> (cheering) H-Y-M-E-N!
Not well understood by men!
Go, hymen!
601
00:15:45,578 --> 00:15:46,611
Not well understood by men!
Go, hymen!
>> The hymen as you understand
602
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,713
Go, hymen!
>> The hymen as you understand
it is a straight up myth.
603
00:15:48,715 --> 00:15:49,547
>> The hymen as you understand
it is a straight up myth.
>> Okay, Emily.
604
00:15:49,549 --> 00:15:50,982
it is a straight up myth.
>> Okay, Emily.
Are you sure about that?
605
00:15:50,984 --> 00:15:52,250
>> Okay, Emily.
Are you sure about that?
Maybe you should call in
606
00:15:52,252 --> 00:15:53,418
Are you sure about that?
Maybe you should call in
an expert.
607
00:15:53,420 --> 00:15:54,852
Maybe you should call in
an expert.
>> Yeah, that's a good call.
608
00:15:54,854 --> 00:15:56,487
an expert.
>> Yeah, that's a good call.
>> It's what I usually do, so.
609
00:15:59,525 --> 00:16:04,162
>> How's this for an expert?
>> Good point, I feel bad.
610
00:16:04,263 --> 00:16:07,265
>> Our bodies don't come with
built-in virginity detectors
and sex
611
00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:08,766
built-in virginity detectors
and sex
isn't supposed to hurt
612
00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:10,301
and sex
isn't supposed to hurt
the first time, but this
613
00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:12,537
isn't supposed to hurt
the first time, but this
horrible idea is everywhere
614
00:16:12,539 --> 00:16:13,771
the first time, but this
horrible idea is everywhere
in our culture.
615
00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:19,410
From ska bands.
>> ♪ Zoot suit riot ♪
>> Ugh, bad name.
616
00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:21,279
>> ♪ Zoot suit riot ♪
>> Ugh, bad name.
>> To popular TV shows.
617
00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:22,113
>> Ugh, bad name.
>> To popular TV shows.
>> So there's a good chance that
618
00:16:22,115 --> 00:16:23,081
>> To popular TV shows.
>> So there's a good chance thatMegan was never raped.
619
00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:23,748
>> So there's a good chance thatMegan was never raped.
>> These are Megan's
620
00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:25,516
Megan was never raped.
>> These are Megan'smedical records.
621
00:16:25,518 --> 00:16:26,851
>> These are Megan'smedical records.An intact hymen.
622
00:16:26,853 --> 00:16:28,019
medical records.An intact hymen.
>> She's a virgin.
623
00:16:29,188 --> 00:16:33,191
>> Even the New York Times
gets it wrong.
624
00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:34,425
gets it wrong.
The Times knows more about
625
00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:35,960
The Times knows more about
regional politics in Finland
626
00:16:35,962 --> 00:16:37,595
regional politics in Finland
than the female body.
627
00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:38,596
than the female body.
>> Honestly, the worst part
628
00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:39,831
>> Honestly, the worst part
is the word "daddy."
629
00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:41,432
is the word "daddy."
>> Yeah, that is inappropriate.
630
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:42,600
>> Yeah, that is inappropriate.
>> It gets way worse
631
00:16:42,602 --> 00:16:43,935
>> It gets way worse
than band names.
632
00:16:44,036 --> 00:16:48,106
In some parts of the world,
women are forced to show
government officials that their
633
00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:49,474
women are forced to show
government officials that their
hymen is intact.
634
00:16:49,476 --> 00:16:50,608
government officials that their
hymen is intact.
If they don't, they can be
635
00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:52,310
hymen is intact.
If they don't, they can be
denied jobs, barred from making
636
00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:53,945
If they don't, they can be
denied jobs, barred from making
rape accusations, even thrown
637
00:16:53,947 --> 00:16:56,381
denied jobs, barred from making
rape accusations, even thrown
in jail.
638
00:16:56,383 --> 00:16:57,648
rape accusations, even thrown
in jail.
Sorry, Adam.
639
00:16:57,650 --> 00:16:58,449
in jail.
Sorry, Adam.
I know that this is usually
640
00:16:58,451 --> 00:16:59,484
Sorry, Adam.
I know that this is usually
the point where you do some cute
641
00:16:59,486 --> 00:17:00,518
I know that this is usually
the point where you do some cute
visual gag, I just--
642
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:01,619
the point where you do some cute
visual gag, I just--
>> No, skip it.
643
00:17:01,621 --> 00:17:02,820
visual gag, I just--
>> No, skip it.
That's awful.
644
00:17:02,822 --> 00:17:04,255
>> No, skip it.
That's awful.
>> Really, really awful.
645
00:17:04,257 --> 00:17:05,456
That's awful.
>> Really, really awful.
>> Yeah.
646
00:17:05,458 --> 00:17:07,125
>> Really, really awful.
>> Yeah.
Virginity exams are straight up
647
00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:09,293
>> Yeah.
Virginity exams are straight up
sexual assault, and they don't
648
00:17:09,295 --> 00:17:11,029
Virginity exams are straight up
sexual assault, and they don't
even prove anything because...
649
00:17:15,734 --> 00:17:19,103
Physically speaking, virginity
doesn't exist.
It's just something we made up
650
00:17:19,105 --> 00:17:20,304
doesn't exist.
It's just something we made up
to be mean to women,
651
00:17:20,306 --> 00:17:21,372
It's just something we made up
to be mean to women,
like "Entourage."
652
00:17:22,408 --> 00:17:25,877
>> Wow, I learned something.
That felt great.
I feel taller.
653
00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:26,944
That felt great.
I feel taller.
Do I look taller?
654
00:17:26,946 --> 00:17:27,812
I feel taller.
Do I look taller?
>> Glad to help.
655
00:17:27,814 --> 00:17:28,513
Do I look taller?
>> Glad to help.
Anyways, it's time
656
00:17:28,515 --> 00:17:29,247
>> Glad to help.
Anyways, it's time
for you to go.
657
00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:30,415
Anyways, it's time
for you to go.
>> Emily, you know, usually I do
658
00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:31,249
for you to go.
>> Emily, you know, usually I do
more of a wrap up than that.
659
00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:31,916
>> Emily, you know, usually I do
more of a wrap up than that.
>> Nope.
660
00:17:31,918 --> 00:17:32,583
more of a wrap up than that.
>> Nope.
Hit the road.
661
00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:33,251
>> Nope.
Hit the road.
It's date night
662
00:17:33,253 --> 00:17:34,085
Hit the road.
It's date night
and clock's tickin'.
663
00:17:34,087 --> 00:17:35,353
It's date night
and clock's tickin'.
>> Of course.
664
00:17:36,388 --> 00:17:39,357
♪
665
00:17:42,394 --> 00:17:47,598
>> I actually don't feel
like having sex right now.
Or ever.
666
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,233
like having sex right now.
Or ever.
I just keep thinking about how
667
00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:51,569
Or ever.
I just keep thinking about how
I have herpes and my junk looks
668
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:53,571
I just keep thinking about how
I have herpes and my junk looks
weird and apparently, I don't
669
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:56,140
I have herpes and my junk looks
weird and apparently, I don't
know anything about your body.
670
00:17:56,142 --> 00:17:58,076
weird and apparently, I don't
know anything about your body.
I feel like garbage.
671
00:17:58,078 --> 00:17:59,744
know anything about your body.
I feel like garbage.
>> I know how you feel.
672
00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:01,279
I feel like garbage.
>> I know how you feel.
I just told Adam Conover about
673
00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:02,647
>> I know how you feel.
I just told Adam Conover about
my hymen for, like,
674
00:18:02,649 --> 00:18:04,215
I just told Adam Conover about
my hymen for, like,
five minutes.
675
00:18:04,217 --> 00:18:05,316
my hymen for, like,
five minutes.
I kind of want to barf.
676
00:18:05,318 --> 00:18:05,983
five minutes.
I kind of want to barf.
>> Sounds like you guys are
677
00:18:05,985 --> 00:18:06,651
I kind of want to barf.
>> Sounds like you guys are
having a little trouble
678
00:18:06,653 --> 00:18:07,318
>> Sounds like you guys are
having a little trouble
in the bedroom.
679
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:07,985
having a little trouble
in the bedroom.
You need my help?
680
00:18:07,987 --> 00:18:08,653
in the bedroom.
You need my help?
>> Never.
681
00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:09,320
You need my help?
>> Never.
>> No.
682
00:18:09,322 --> 00:18:09,987
>> Never.
>> No.
>> Well, in one second,
683
00:18:09,989 --> 00:18:10,655
>> No.
>> Well, in one second,
I'll tell you
684
00:18:10,657 --> 00:18:11,456
>> Well, in one second,
I'll tell you
how to solve the worst
685
00:18:11,458 --> 00:18:12,824
I'll tell you
how to solve the worst
sexual problem of all.
686
00:18:12,826 --> 00:18:13,758
how to solve the worst
sexual problem of all.
>> You?
687
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:14,792
sexual problem of all.
>> You?
>> That's hurtful.
688
00:18:16,728 --> 00:18:19,564
>> Fine.
What's the worst
sexual condition of all?
689
00:18:19,566 --> 00:18:20,498
What's the worst
sexual condition of all?
Are my balls full of bees
690
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:21,432
sexual condition of all?
Are my balls full of bees
or something?
691
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:22,200
Are my balls full of bees
or something?
>> That would be cool,
692
00:18:22,202 --> 00:18:23,267
or something?
>> That would be cool,
but not that I know of.
693
00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:24,669
>> That would be cool,
but not that I know of.
Nope, it's the one problem that
694
00:18:24,671 --> 00:18:26,370
but not that I know of.
Nope, it's the one problem that
causes all the others.
695
00:18:26,372 --> 00:18:27,071
Nope, it's the one problem that
causes all the others.
Shame.
696
00:18:27,073 --> 00:18:28,739
causes all the others.
Shame.
>> Oh.
697
00:18:28,741 --> 00:18:30,074
Shame.
>> Oh.
I'm not ashamed about sex.
698
00:18:30,076 --> 00:18:31,542
>> Oh.
I'm not ashamed about sex.
I'm very progressive.
699
00:18:31,544 --> 00:18:32,743
I'm not ashamed about sex.
I'm very progressive.
I bought us a sex toy.
700
00:18:32,745 --> 00:18:35,246
I'm very progressive.
I bought us a sex toy.
>> You did?
701
00:18:35,248 --> 00:18:36,047
I bought us a sex toy.
>> You did?
>> Yeah, you never saw it.
702
00:18:36,049 --> 00:18:37,915
>> You did?
>> Yeah, you never saw it.
I hid it in the attic.
703
00:18:37,917 --> 00:18:39,317
>> Yeah, you never saw it.
I hid it in the attic.
Maybe I am ashamed of sex.
704
00:18:39,319 --> 00:18:39,984
I hid it in the attic.
Maybe I am ashamed of sex.
>> Yeah.
705
00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:41,185
Maybe I am ashamed of sex.
>> Yeah.
We all are, at least a little
706
00:18:41,187 --> 00:18:42,854
>> Yeah.
We all are, at least a little
bit, and that can cause us to
707
00:18:42,856 --> 00:18:44,655
We all are, at least a little
bit, and that can cause us to
treat each other horribly,
708
00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:45,423
bit, and that can cause us to
treat each other horribly,
like when we
709
00:18:45,425 --> 00:18:46,290
treat each other horribly,
like when we
humiliate people for
710
00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:48,092
like when we
humiliate people for
having an innocuous disease.
711
00:18:48,094 --> 00:18:51,496
humiliate people for
having an innocuous disease.
>> Whee!
712
00:18:51,498 --> 00:18:53,431
having an innocuous disease.
>> Whee!
>> Or redesign babies' genitals
713
00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:54,599
>> Whee!
>> Or redesign babies' genitals
for no reason.
714
00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:56,734
>> Or redesign babies' genitals
for no reason.
(baby crying)
715
00:18:56,736 --> 00:18:58,035
for no reason.
(baby crying)
Or teach teenage girls that
716
00:18:58,037 --> 00:18:59,337
(baby crying)
Or teach teenage girls that
their first sexual experience
717
00:18:59,339 --> 00:19:01,139
Or teach teenage girls that
their first sexual experience
is gonna be a nightmare.
718
00:19:03,208 --> 00:19:08,379
>> Aww, yeah, I'm sorry, I--
I did it again.
>> All of these mistakes
719
00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:10,014
I did it again.
>> All of these mistakes
were caused by shame.
720
00:19:10,016 --> 00:19:11,182
>> All of these mistakes
were caused by shame.
Take the example of Kellogg.
721
00:19:11,184 --> 00:19:12,750
were caused by shame.
Take the example of Kellogg.
He promoted circumcision because
722
00:19:12,752 --> 00:19:14,385
Take the example of Kellogg.
He promoted circumcision because
masturbation freaked him out,
723
00:19:14,387 --> 00:19:15,453
He promoted circumcision because
masturbation freaked him out,
but that's crazy because
724
00:19:15,455 --> 00:19:17,355
masturbation freaked him out,
but that's crazy because
we all masturbate.
725
00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:18,189
but that's crazy because
we all masturbate.
>> I don't, I swear.
726
00:19:18,191 --> 00:19:18,856
we all masturbate.
>> I don't, I swear.
>> Not me, you're more
727
00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:19,557
>> I don't, I swear.
>> Not me, you're more
than enough for me, baby.
728
00:19:19,559 --> 00:19:20,858
>> Not me, you're more
than enough for me, baby.
>> No, you guys definitely do.
729
00:19:20,860 --> 00:19:22,026
than enough for me, baby.
>> No, you guys definitely do.
And it's fine with each other
730
00:19:22,028 --> 00:19:22,960
>> No, you guys definitely do.
And it's fine with each other
that you do, right?
731
00:19:22,962 --> 00:19:23,661
And it's fine with each other
that you do, right?
>> Oh, of course, go to town.
732
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:24,295
that you do, right?
>> Oh, of course, go to town.
>> Oh, yeah,
733
00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:24,962
>> Oh, of course, go to town.
>> Oh, yeah,
it's okay if you do.
734
00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:26,564
>> Oh, yeah,
it's okay if you do.
>> So why be ashamed of it?
735
00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:28,933
Masturbation is the safest
form of sex.
736
00:19:28,935 --> 00:19:30,101
form of sex.
It releases tons of healthy
737
00:19:30,103 --> 00:19:31,769
It releases tons of healthy
endorphins, and it can actually
738
00:19:31,771 --> 00:19:32,603
endorphins, and it can actually
be used to treat
739
00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:34,238
be used to treat
sexual dysfunction.
740
00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:35,473
sexual dysfunction.
>> That's actually all true.
741
00:19:35,574 --> 00:19:38,709
>> Masturbation is good for you.
That's what you should tell
your students.
742
00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:39,977
That's what you should tell
your students.
>> I should.
743
00:19:39,979 --> 00:19:40,745
your students.
>> I should.
I will not,
744
00:19:40,747 --> 00:19:41,879
>> I should.
I will not,
because I'd get fired.
745
00:19:41,881 --> 00:19:42,680
I will not,
because I'd get fired.
>> Well, that's sad, because
746
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:43,848
because I'd get fired.
>> Well, that's sad, because
it's true.
747
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:44,916
>> Well, that's sad, because
it's true.
We need to stop doing this
748
00:19:44,918 --> 00:19:46,117
it's true.
We need to stop doing this
to ourselves.
749
00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:47,151
We need to stop doing this
to ourselves.
No one needs to worry if they
750
00:19:47,153 --> 00:19:48,786
to ourselves.
No one needs to worry if they
like to flick the bean, or if
751
00:19:48,788 --> 00:19:50,021
No one needs to worry if they
like to flick the bean, or if
they're a virgin, or if they
752
00:19:50,023 --> 00:19:51,422
like to flick the bean, or if
they're a virgin, or if they
find learning obscure facts
753
00:19:51,424 --> 00:19:52,757
they're a virgin, or if they
find learning obscure facts
deeply erotic.
754
00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:55,459
find learning obscure facts
deeply erotic.
Shame is ruining our sex lives.
755
00:19:55,461 --> 00:19:57,094
deeply erotic.
Shame is ruining our sex lives.
We shouldn't let it any longer.
756
00:19:59,665 --> 00:20:02,934
Oh, jeez, my speech worked
too well.
I'll let myself out.
757
00:20:02,936 --> 00:20:04,035
too well.
I'll let myself out.
>> ♪ Ooh baby ♪
758
00:20:04,037 --> 00:20:05,570
I'll let myself out.
>> ♪ Ooh baby ♪
♪ Ooh baby ♪
759
00:20:05,572 --> 00:20:06,771
>> ♪ Ooh baby ♪
♪ Ooh baby ♪
♪ Sexual ♪
760
00:20:06,773 --> 00:20:08,573
♪ Ooh baby ♪
♪ Sexual ♪
♪ Sexual ♪
761
00:20:10,008 --> 00:20:12,977
♪
762
00:20:17,316 --> 00:20:18,716
(phone vibrating)
763
00:20:20,085 --> 00:20:21,152
>> What the...?
764
00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:38,936
(tapping)
>> Next time on
"Adam Ruins Everything"...
765
00:20:39,037 --> 00:20:42,873
>> How many of you have ever
heard of vitamin megadoses?
>> I have, but I've also heard
766
00:20:42,875 --> 00:20:44,108
heard of vitamin megadoses?
>> I have, but I've also heard
of fairies, and those won't cure
767
00:20:44,110 --> 00:20:44,775
>> I have, but I've also heard
of fairies, and those won't cure
your cold, either.
768
00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:45,443
of fairies, and those won't cure
your cold, either.
>> Great.
769
00:20:45,445 --> 00:20:46,110
your cold, either.
>> Great.
Can I go back to doing
770
00:20:46,112 --> 00:20:46,844
>> Great.
Can I go back to doing
my show now?
771
00:20:46,846 --> 00:20:47,812
Can I go back to doing
my show now?
>> What's bad for you about
772
00:20:47,814 --> 00:20:48,980
my show now?
>> What's bad for you about
orange juice is the sugar.
773
00:20:50,048 --> 00:20:53,718
>> Sugar!
>> Medical shows like this one
end up telling you big fat
774
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:55,019
>> Medical shows like this one
end up telling you big fat
lies like that.
775
00:20:55,021 --> 00:20:55,987
end up telling you big fat
lies like that.
>> You lied to us,
776
00:20:55,989 --> 00:20:57,455
lies like that.
>> You lied to us,
Dr. Todd!
777
00:20:57,457 --> 00:20:58,456
>> You lied to us,
Dr. Todd!
>> Everyone, stop!
778
00:20:58,458 --> 00:20:59,123
Dr. Todd!
>> Everyone, stop!
There's an answer to all
779
00:20:59,125 --> 00:21:00,024
>> Everyone, stop!
There's an answer to all
of this!
76652
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