All language subtitles for Adam.Ruins.Everything.S01E10.720p.HDTV.x264-W4F

>> Hey, Murph.
You know what time it is?
It's time to get busy.

>> ♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Sexual ♪
♪ Sexual ♪
♪ Tonight it's all about ♪

♪ Sexual ♪
♪ Tonight it's all about ♪
♪ You baby ♪

♪ Tonight it's all about ♪
♪ You baby ♪
♪ You don't have to wait ♪

♪ You baby ♪
♪ You don't have to wait ♪
♪ No more ♪

♪ You don't have to wait ♪
♪ No more ♪
♪ I don't want to wait no more ♪

♪ No more ♪
♪ I don't want to wait no more ♪
♪ Yeah let's make it ♪

♪ I don't want to wait no more ♪
♪ Yeah let's make it ♪
♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Yeah let's make it ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
>> I feel like the cat

♪ Ooh ♪
>> I feel like the cat
is watching us.

>> I feel like the cat
is watching us.
>> We don't have a cat.

is watching us.
>> We don't have a cat.
(cat meows)

>> We don't have a cat.
(cat meows)
>> Ahh!

(cat meows)
>> Ahh!
>> Hi there!

>> Ahh!
>> Hi there!
>> No, bad Adam!

>> Hi there!
>> No, bad Adam!
(Adam hissing)

>> No, bad Adam!
(Adam hissing)
>> Oh, I see you're circumcised.

(Adam hissing)
>> Oh, I see you're circumcised.
But you're not Jewish or Muslim,

>> Oh, I see you're circumcised.
But you're not Jewish or Muslim,
are you?

But you're not Jewish or Muslim,
are you?
>> No, I'm Catholic.

are you?
>> No, I'm Catholic.
What?

>> No, I'm Catholic.
What?
>> Then it's pretty weird you're

What?
>> Then it's pretty weird you're
circumcised, isn't it?

>> Then it's pretty weird you're
circumcised, isn't it?
>> No, it isn't.

circumcised, isn't it?
>> No, it isn't.
It's normal.

>> No, it isn't.
It's normal.
>> Actually, it's not.

It's normal.
>> Actually, it's not.
Hi, I'm Adam Conover.

>> Actually, it's not.
Hi, I'm Adam Conover.
>> And this is

Hi, I'm Adam Conover.
>> And this is
"Adam Ruins Everything."

>> And this is
"Adam Ruins Everything."
>> Just get it over with.

Closed Captions Provided by
truTV

>> America is one of the only
countries in the world that
practices routine non-religious

countries in the world that
practices routine non-religious
circumcision, yet most of us

practices routine non-religious
circumcision, yet most of us
don't even know why we do it.

circumcision, yet most of us
don't even know why we do it.
Haven't you ever wondered why

don't even know why we do it.
Haven't you ever wondered why
your turtle has no shell?

Haven't you ever wondered why
your turtle has no shell?
>> No.

your turtle has no shell?
>> No.
>> Oh, just let him.

>> No.
>> Oh, just let him.
It'll only take 21 minutes

>> Oh, just let him.
It'll only take 21 minutes
plus commercials.

>> Here you go.

Promotes the show.

To learn more, let's go back in
time to the day
you were circumcised.

time to the day
you were circumcised.
>> God, no.

you were circumcised.
>> God, no.
>> By the time your tip

>> God, no.
>> By the time your tip
got snipped,

>> By the time your tip
got snipped,
circumcision had been

got snipped,
circumcision had been
a tradition for generations.

circumcision had been
a tradition for generations.
>> Mr. and Mrs. Murphy,

a tradition for generations.
>> Mr. and Mrs. Murphy,
would you like me to

>> Mr. and Mrs. Murphy,
would you like me to
circumcise Brian?

would you like me to
circumcise Brian?
>> Um, yeah, I guess.

circumcise Brian?
>> Um, yeah, I guess.
I mean, his should look like

>> Um, yeah, I guess.
I mean, his should look like
mine, right?

I mean, his should look like
mine, right?
Ooh!

mine, right?
Ooh!
(baby crying)

Ooh!
(baby crying)
>> But the source of that

(baby crying)
>> But the source of that
tradition is real weird.

>> His should look like
mine, right?

mine, right?
>> His should look like

>> His should look like
mine, right?

mine, right?
>> Yep, better cut him.

>> Yep, better cut him.
Reckon it'll stop him

Reckon it'll stop him
from masturbating.

from masturbating.
>> What?

>> Yep.
Though religious circumcision
has been practiced in the Middle

Though religious circumcision
has been practiced in the Middle
East for millennia, no one did

has been practiced in the Middle
East for millennia, no one did
it in the U.S.

East for millennia, no one did
it in the U.S.
until the puritanical 19th

it in the U.S.
until the puritanical 19th
century, when sexphobic doctors

until the puritanical 19th
century, when sexphobic doctors
promoted it as a way of

century, when sexphobic doctors
promoted it as a way of
preventing your kids from

promoted it as a way of
preventing your kids from
committing their favorite sin.

preventing your kids from
committing their favorite sin.
>> Observe.

committing their favorite sin.
>> Observe.
The vile masturbator.

>> Observe.
The vile masturbator.
The sallow complexion.

The vile masturbator.
The sallow complexion.
The rotten teeth.

The sallow complexion.
The rotten teeth.
The open sores.

The rotten teeth.
The open sores.
>> Actually, I think

The open sores.
>> Actually, I think
I have syphilis.

>> Actually, I think
I have syphilis.
>> Official diagnosis:

I have syphilis.
>> Official diagnosis:
masturbation!

>> Official diagnosis:
masturbation!
>> One prominent advocate of

masturbation!
>> One prominent advocate of
dingle-docking was, and I'm not

>> One prominent advocate of
dingle-docking was, and I'm not
making this up,

dingle-docking was, and I'm not
making this up,
John Harvey Kellogg,

making this up,
John Harvey Kellogg,
the inventor of Corn Flakes.

John Harvey Kellogg,
the inventor of Corn Flakes.
>> My cure is twofold.

the inventor of Corn Flakes.
>> My cure is twofold.
A diet rich in flaked corn.

>> My cure is twofold.
A diet rich in flaked corn.
>> Ooh!

A diet rich in flaked corn.
>> Ooh!
>> And cutting off part

>> Ooh!
>> And cutting off part
of the penis.

>> And cutting off part
of the penis.
>> Ahh!

of the penis.
>> Ahh!
>> Victorian prudes like Kellogg

>> Ahh!
>> Victorian prudes like Kellogg
just straight up hated sex

>> Victorian prudes like Kellogg
just straight up hated sex
and thought that by pruning your

just straight up hated sex
and thought that by pruning your
peter, they could contain your

and thought that by pruning your
peter, they could contain your
base and lustful instincts,

peter, they could contain your
base and lustful instincts,
and you don't even want to know

base and lustful instincts,
and you don't even want to know
what he thought

and you don't even want to know
what he thought
you should do to women.

what he thought
you should do to women.
>> Just apply a little carbolic

you should do to women.
>> Just apply a little carbolic
acid to the clitoris.

>> Just apply a little carbolic
acid to the clitoris.
>> Yikes.

acid to the clitoris.
>> Yikes.
Good thing that one didn't

>> Yikes.
Good thing that one didn't
catch on.

Good thing that one didn't
catch on.
>> That's crazy.

catch on.
>> That's crazy.
Being circumcised doesn't stop

>> That's crazy.
Being circumcised doesn't stop
me from masturbating.

Being circumcised doesn't stop
me from masturbating.
>> Yeah, I know.

me from masturbating.
>> Yeah, I know.
That's why it's so weird that

>> Yeah, I know.
That's why it's so weird that
we still do it.

That's why it's so weird that
we still do it.
>> But isn't it, like, cleaner,

we still do it.
>> But isn't it, like, cleaner,
or something?

>> But isn't it, like, cleaner,
or something?
>> Nope.

or something?
>> Nope.
That's just another old

>> Nope.
That's just another old
Victorian myth.

That's just another old
Victorian myth.
These guys had a lot of weird

Victorian myth.
These guys had a lot of weird
ideas about circumcision.

These guys had a lot of weird
ideas about circumcision.
>> Circumcision is cleaner.

ideas about circumcision.
>> Circumcision is cleaner.
Foreskin is for

>> Circumcision is cleaner.
Foreskin is for
filthy immigrants.

Foreskin is for
filthy immigrants.
>> And it cures convulsions.

filthy immigrants.
>> And it cures convulsions.
>> And tuberculosis.

>> And it cures convulsions.
>> And tuberculosis.
>> Plus, it's a fun

>> And tuberculosis.
>> Plus, it's a fun
craft project for doctors.

>> Plus, it's a fun
craft project for doctors.
>> Now, circumcision can help

craft project for doctors.
>> Now, circumcision can help
prevent a few rare infections,

>> Now, circumcision can help
prevent a few rare infections,
but so does, you know,

prevent a few rare infections,
but so does, you know,
washing your dingus.

but so does, you know,
washing your dingus.
Why would you have to cut off

washing your dingus.
Why would you have to cut off
part of your body to keep

Why would you have to cut off
part of your body to keep
it clean?

part of your body to keep
it clean?
You don't have to cut off your

it clean?
You don't have to cut off your
butt cheeks to keep your

You don't have to cut off your
butt cheeks to keep your
butt clean.

butt cheeks to keep your
butt clean.
>> Ahh.

butt clean.
>> Ahh.
There's a fine idea.

>> Ahh.
There's a fine idea.
>> Ahh!

There's a fine idea.
>> Ahh!
>> Ugh.

>> Ahh!
>> Ugh.
Let's get out of here.

>> Ugh.
Let's get out of here.
Taxi!

Let's get out of here.
Taxi!
>> Okay, but the foreskin

Taxi!
>> Okay, but the foreskin
is useless, right?

>> Okay, but the foreskin
is useless, right?
>> Actually, pal, the foreskin

is useless, right?
>> Actually, pal, the foreskin
plays a very important role

>> Actually, pal, the foreskin
plays a very important role
in sex.

plays a very important role
in sex.
It's filled with nerve endings.

in sex.
It's filled with nerve endings.
It protects the glans so it

It's filled with nerve endings.
It protects the glans so it
doesn't become desensitized,

It protects the glans so it
doesn't become desensitized,
and it's a natural lubricant.

doesn't become desensitized,
and it's a natural lubricant.
>> Natural lubricant?

and it's a natural lubricant.
>> Natural lubricant?
>> Like a hot dog in

>> Natural lubricant?
>> Like a hot dog in
a buttered bun.

>> Like a hot dog in
a buttered bun.
>> Yeah, like this, see?

a buttered bun.
>> Yeah, like this, see?
Ee-ee, ee-ee, ee-ee.

>> Yeah, like this, see?
Ee-ee, ee-ee, ee-ee.
>> Give me my hot dog.

Ee-ee, ee-ee, ee-ee.
>> Give me my hot dog.
>> Weird metaphor.

>> Give me my hot dog.
>> Weird metaphor.
>> Now, circumcision has been

>> Weird metaphor.
>> Now, circumcision has been
found to reduce the rate of HIV

>> Now, circumcision has been
found to reduce the rate of HIV
acquisition in men by up to 60%,

found to reduce the rate of HIV
acquisition in men by up to 60%,
but condoms reduce it by 80%,

acquisition in men by up to 60%,
but condoms reduce it by 80%,
and they don't require you to,

but condoms reduce it by 80%,
and they don't require you to,
you know, cut your dong off.

and they don't require you to,
you know, cut your dong off.
>> Oh, hey, it's your place.

you know, cut your dong off.
>> Oh, hey, it's your place.
>> Okay, but girls think uncut

>> Oh, hey, it's your place.
>> Okay, but girls think uncut
dongs look weird.

>> Okay, but girls think uncut
dongs look weird.
>> Interesting theory.

dongs look weird.
>> Interesting theory.
Let's test it.

>> Interesting theory.
Let's test it.
Excuse me, Miss?

Let's test it.
Excuse me, Miss?
Does this dong look weird.

Excuse me, Miss?
Does this dong look weird.
>> Yep.

Does this dong look weird.
>> Yep.
>> And does this dong

>> Yep.
>> And does this dong
look weird?

>> And does this dong
look weird?
>> Yep.

look weird?
>> Yep.
>> All right.

>> Yep.
>> All right.
And does this dong look weird?

>> All right.
And does this dong look weird?
>> Dude!

And does this dong look weird?
>> Dude!
>> Yep.

>> Dude!
>> Yep.
All dongs look weird.

>> Yep.
All dongs look weird.
>> Oh. Hayley!

All dongs look weird.
>> Oh. Hayley!
Hi!

>> Oh. Hayley!
Hi!
>> Hey, guys.

Hi!
>> Hey, guys.
>> Oh, hold on one second,

>> Hey, guys.
>> Oh, hold on one second,
I'll be right down!

>> Hey, Adam.
Ruining something?
>> Yep, just telling Murph

Ruining something?
>> Yep, just telling Murph
about circumcision,

>> Yep, just telling Murph
about circumcision,
the old "circumsizz."

about circumcision,
the old "circumsizz."
See, back in the Victorian era--

the old "circumsizz."
See, back in the Victorian era--
>> Another time.

See, back in the Victorian era--
>> Another time.
I'm running late for this boozy

>> Another time.
I'm running late for this boozy
painting class.

I'm running late for this boozy
painting class.
It's dumb.

painting class.
It's dumb.
Something us affluent

It's dumb.
Something us affluent
millenials do.

Something us affluent
millenials do.
>> With that guy Matt?

millenials do.
>> With that guy Matt?
>> Matt?

>> With that guy Matt?
>> Matt?
No, we broke up.

>> Matt?
No, we broke up.
He was kinda dumb.

No, we broke up.
He was kinda dumb.
Just ran out of stuff to

He was kinda dumb.
Just ran out of stuff to
talk about.

Just ran out of stuff to
talk about.
>> Really?

talk about.
>> Really?
That's too bad.

>> Really?
That's too bad.
>> Did you want to come?

That's too bad.
>> Did you want to come?
>> Of course.

>> Did you want to come?
>> Of course.
But... (sighing)

>> Of course.
But... (sighing)
I have more awesome sex facts

But... (sighing)
I have more awesome sex facts
to tell.

I have more awesome sex facts
to tell.
(groaning)

to tell.
(groaning)
Can I take a rain check?

(groaning)
Can I take a rain check?
>> We'll see.

(car door opening, closing)

>> Hey.
Can we wrap it up?
>> Sure.

Can we wrap it up?
>> Sure.
Now, look.

>> Sure.
Now, look.
If you like being circumcised,

Now, look.
If you like being circumcised,
or you did it for religious

If you like being circumcised,
or you did it for religious
reasons, fine.

or you did it for religious
reasons, fine.
There's no harm in it.

reasons, fine.
There's no harm in it.
But as far as I can tell,

there's also no particularly
compelling reason to do it,

compelling reason to do it,
and the only reason you are

and the only reason you are
circumcised is because a bunch

circumcised is because a bunch
of 19th century prudes were

of 19th century prudes were
trying to ruin your sex life.

Have fun.
>> You're back early.
Want to pick up where we

>> You're back early.
Want to pick up where we
left off?

Want to pick up where we
left off?
>> Not really in

left off?
>> Not really in
the mood anymore.

>> Not really in
the mood anymore.
>> Understandable.

the mood anymore.
>> Understandable.
>> I'm just gonna go over

>> Understandable.
>> I'm just gonna go over
the lesson plan for health

>> I'm just gonna go over
the lesson plan for health
class tomorrow.

the lesson plan for health
class tomorrow.
It's a big one.

class tomorrow.
It's a big one.
We're going over the dangers

It's a big one.
We're going over the dangers
of herpes.

We're going over the dangers
of herpes.
Where did I leave that?

of herpes.
Where did I leave that?
>> Oh, wow.

Where did I leave that?
>> Oh, wow.
Everything you know about

>> Oh, wow.
Everything you know about
herpes is wrong.

Everything you know about
herpes is wrong.
We're gonna have to talk

herpes is wrong.
We're gonna have to talk
about this.

We're gonna have to talk
about this.
Nope.

about this.
Nope.
Nope.

Nope.
Nope.
Oh, this one's really bad.

Nope.
Oh, this one's really bad.
Uh-uh.

All right, health class.
What's in the lesson plan
tomorrow, teach?

What's in the lesson plan
tomorrow, teach?
>> I'm teaching them

tomorrow, teach?
>> I'm teaching them
about herpes.

>> I'm teaching them
about herpes.
>> Oh.

about herpes.
>> Oh.
About how herpes isn't a big

>> Oh.
About how herpes isn't a big
deal and people don't really

About how herpes isn't a big
deal and people don't really
need to worry about it?

deal and people don't really
need to worry about it?
>> What?

need to worry about it?
>> What?
No, about how herpes is super

>> What?
No, about how herpes is super
serious and very dangerous.

No, about how herpes is super
serious and very dangerous.
>> Uh, herpes isn't dangerous.

serious and very dangerous.
>> Uh, herpes isn't dangerous.
Most of the time, it's not

>> Uh, herpes isn't dangerous.
Most of the time, it's not
even noticeable.

>> Oh, no, you don't, buddy.
'Cause I actually know what
I'm talking about this time.

'Cause I actually know what
I'm talking about this time.
I even made a video about it to

I'm talking about this time.
I even made a video about it to
teach my students.

I even made a video about it to
teach my students.
>> Oh, cool, let's watch it.

teach my students.
>> Oh, cool, let's watch it.
>> Yeah, let's!

>> Oh, cool, let's watch it.
>> Yeah, let's!
I know this is a trap,

>> Yeah, let's!
I know this is a trap,
but I'm very confident.

Hey, kids.
DJ Murph here.

I'm gonna use this to apply
to film school.
>> You totally should.

to film school.
>> You totally should.
>> And I'm here to talk to you

>> You totally should.
>> And I'm here to talk to you
about herpes!

>> And I'm here to talk to you
about herpes!
(distorted) It is a serious

about herpes!
(distorted) It is a serious
sexually transmitted disease.

(distorted) It is a serious
sexually transmitted disease.
>> Wow.

sexually transmitted disease.
>> Wow.
Herpes, that sounds scary.

>> Wow.
Herpes, that sounds scary.
I'm a teen.

Herpes, that sounds scary.
I'm a teen.
>> Disease.

I'm a teen.
>> Disease.
It is.

>> Disease.
It is.
Just ask Herpy, the terrifying

It is.
Just ask Herpy, the terrifying
genital herpes virus.

>> Four out of five people
who carry me don't know

who carry me don't know
they have it.

they have it.
I cause an eruption of red sores

I cause an eruption of red sores
around your genitals

around your genitals
and I'm incurable.

(laughing)
>> Great special effects.
>> George Lucas is a big

>> Great special effects.
>> George Lucas is a big
influence on my work.

>> George Lucas is a big
influence on my work.
>> Wow, it sounds like herpes

influence on my work.
>> Wow, it sounds like herpes
is terrible.

>> Wow, it sounds like herpes
is terrible.
Me and my bae better not be

is terrible.
Me and my bae better not be
having sexual intercourse.

Me and my bae better not be
having sexual intercourse.
>> I wouldn't say that.

having sexual intercourse.
>> I wouldn't say that.
But I would rap it.

♪
♪ Herpes ♪
♪ No ♪

♪ Herpes ♪
♪ No ♪
♪ Don't ♪

♪ No ♪
♪ Don't ♪
♪ Stop stop ♪

♪ Don't ♪
♪ Stop stop ♪
♪ No ♪

♪ Stop stop ♪
♪ No ♪
♪ Don't ♪

♪ No ♪
♪ Don't ♪
♪ Herpes is for derpies ♪

♪ Don't ♪
♪ Herpes is for derpies ♪
♪ Herpes, yo ♪

♪ Herpes is for derpies ♪
♪ Herpes, yo ♪
♪ It ain't chill ♪

♪ Herpes, yo ♪
♪ It ain't chill ♪
♪ You can't cure it ♪

♪ It ain't chill ♪
♪ You can't cure it ♪
♪ With a pill ♪

♪ You can't cure it ♪
♪ With a pill ♪
♪ One in six Americans ♪

♪ With a pill ♪
♪ One in six Americans ♪
♪ Carry herpes in their pants ♪

♪ One in six Americans ♪
♪ Carry herpes in their pants ♪
>> These scare tactics are full

♪ Carry herpes in their pants ♪
>> These scare tactics are full
of crap.

>> These scare tactics are full
of crap.
>> Ahh!

of crap.
>> Ahh!
>> This is getting good.

>> Ahh!
>> This is getting good.
>> It's time for you two

>> This is getting good.
>> It's time for you two
to learn what herpes is

>> It's time for you two
to learn what herpes is
really like.

to learn what herpes is
really like.
Ready to show 'em, Herpy?

really like.
Ready to show 'em, Herpy?
>> I'm really not so bad,

Ready to show 'em, Herpy?
>> I'm really not so bad,
buddies.

>> I'm really not so bad,
buddies.
Whee!

buddies.
Whee!
>> Did you just give us

Whee!
>> Did you just give us
herpes for real?

>> Did you just give us
herpes for real?
>> Yep.

herpes for real?
>> Yep.
You're welcome.

>> Yep.
You're welcome.
>> What the actual hell?

You're welcome.
>> What the actual hell?
You just gave us

>> What the actual hell?
You just gave us
a serious disease.

You just gave us
a serious disease.
>> No, I didn't.

a serious disease.
>> No, I didn't.
I gave you herpes.

>> No, I didn't.
I gave you herpes.
Let's break it down.

♪
Uhh!
Okay, starting from the top.

Uhh!
Okay, starting from the top.
Eruptions of sores?

Okay, starting from the top.
Eruptions of sores?
That's scare mongering.

Eruptions of sores?
That's scare mongering.
Let's call them what they are.

That's scare mongering.
Let's call them what they are.
Little red bumps.

Let's call them what they are.
Little red bumps.
>> Sounds gross.

Little red bumps.
>> Sounds gross.
>> Yeah, except, you're already

>> Sounds gross.
>> Yeah, except, you're already
covered with little red bumps.

>> Yeah, except, you're already
covered with little red bumps.
Mosquito bites,

covered with little red bumps.
Mosquito bites,
ingrown hairs, pimples.

To be human is to be covered in
little red bumps, yo.

>> It's true, I do have bacne.
>> Yo, you got Conover'd!
Secondly, the reason four out of

>> Yo, you got Conover'd!
Secondly, the reason four out of
five carriers don't know they

Secondly, the reason four out of
five carriers don't know they
have it is because they either

five carriers don't know they
have it is because they either
have no symptoms or their

have it is because they either
have no symptoms or their
symptoms are so mild they never

have no symptoms or their
symptoms are so mild they never
notice, and nearly everyone

symptoms are so mild they never
notice, and nearly everyone
has it.

notice, and nearly everyone
has it.
If you include oral herpes,

has it.
If you include oral herpes,
worldwide, nearly 90% of the

If you include oral herpes,
worldwide, nearly 90% of the
global population carries some

worldwide, nearly 90% of the
global population carries some
strain of herpes.

global population carries some
strain of herpes.
What?

strain of herpes.
What?
And that means, if you don't

What?
And that means, if you don't
have it, you're the weird one.

And that means, if you don't
have it, you're the weird one.
You're the weird one.

have it, you're the weird one.
You're the weird one.
Oh!

You're the weird one.
Oh!
Stop it!

Oh!
Stop it!
Stop it, I don't

Stop it!
Stop it, I don't
play basketball.

Stop it, I don't
play basketball.
>> No.

play basketball.
>> No.
I straight up don't believe you.

>> No.
I straight up don't believe you.
You're not a doctor.

I straight up don't believe you.
You're not a doctor.
>> Neither are you.

You're not a doctor.
>> Neither are you.
You're a gym teacher.

>> Neither are you.
You're a gym teacher.
This is a doctor.

You're a gym teacher.
This is a doctor.
>> Oh!

This is a doctor.
>> Oh!
>> Oh, my God.

>> Oh!
>> Oh, my God.
>> Guys, this is

>> Oh, my God.
>> Guys, this is
Dr. Jennifer Lang,

a board-certified OBGYN.
>> Hey, guys.
>> Thank God.

This guy just gave us herpes.
What's gonna happen to us?
>> Probably not a lot.

What's gonna happen to us?
>> Probably not a lot.
Most people don't even

>> Probably not a lot.
Most people don't even
develop symptoms.

Most people don't even
develop symptoms.
Some people might have a mild

develop symptoms.
Some people might have a mild
rash around the mouth or genital

Some people might have a mild
rash around the mouth or genital
region, maybe some red

rash around the mouth or genital
region, maybe some red
or white bumps.

region, maybe some red
or white bumps.
The truth is, if you're not

or white bumps.
The truth is, if you're not
immunocompromised during

The truth is, if you're not
immunocompromised during
the late stages

immunocompromised during
the late stages
of pregnancy, you really

the late stages
of pregnancy, you really
don't have to worry about it.

of pregnancy, you really
don't have to worry about it.
Most sexually active adults ae

don't have to worry about it.
Most sexually active adults ae
gonna be exposed to herpes at

Most sexually active adults ae
gonna be exposed to herpes at
some point in their life.

gonna be exposed to herpes at
some point in their life.
It's really not a big deal.

some point in their life.
It's really not a big deal.
That's what I tell my patients.

It's really not a big deal.
That's what I tell my patients.
>> Thanks.

That's what I tell my patients.
>> Thanks.
>> Thanks, Jennifer.

>> Thanks.
>> Thanks, Jennifer.
>> Oh!

>> Thanks, Jennifer.
>> Oh!
>> Oh, my God.

>> Oh!
>> Oh, my God.
>> Ow!

>> Oh, my God.
>> Ow!
>> You gotta give us sunglasses.

>> Ow!
>> You gotta give us sunglasses.
>> The fact is,

>> You gotta give us sunglasses.
>> The fact is,
our culture's fear of herpes

>> The fact is,
our culture's fear of herpes
is totally

our culture's fear of herpes
is totally
out of proportion with how mild

is totally
out of proportion with how mild
the disease actually is.

out of proportion with how mild
the disease actually is.
We're treating what's basically

the disease actually is.
We're treating what's basically
junk acne like it's some kind of

We're treating what's basically
junk acne like it's some kind of
sexual plague, and that fear

junk acne like it's some kind of
sexual plague, and that fear
is pretty recent.

sexual plague, and that fear
is pretty recent.
Up until a few decades ago,

is pretty recent.
Up until a few decades ago,
no one gave a crap

Up until a few decades ago,
no one gave a crap
about herpes.

>> Whee!
>> Samantha Beth, my darling,
there's something you must know.

I've got red bumps on my junk.
>> Oh, Charles!
Me too.

>> Oh, Charles!
Me too.
Whatever.

Me too.
Whatever.
>> But all of that changed

Whatever.
>> But all of that changed
in the early '80s.

>> But all of that changed
in the early '80s.
In the hangover

in the early '80s.
In the hangover
from the sexual revolution,

In the hangover
from the sexual revolution,
there was a straight-up cultural

from the sexual revolution,
there was a straight-up cultural
freak-out about STDs and even

there was a straight-up cultural
freak-out about STDs and even
benign diseases like herpes

freak-out about STDs and even
benign diseases like herpes
got swept up in

benign diseases like herpes
got swept up in
the puritanical panic.

got swept up in
the puritanical panic.
Check out this real

the puritanical panic.
Check out this real
Time Magazine cover from 1982.

>> Whoa!

Even I think that's too intense
and I scare kids for a living.

>> Yeah, and it worked.

>> Hey, babe.
I've got red bumps on my wiener.
(woman gasps)

>> That's not tubular.
>> I'm gonna die.
>> Holy crow.

>> I'm gonna die.
>> Holy crow.
That does seem out

>> Holy crow.
That does seem out
of proportion.

That does seem out
of proportion.
>> Yeah.

of proportion.
>> Yeah.
The only serious side effect

>> Yeah.
The only serious side effect
of herpes is shame.

The only serious side effect
of herpes is shame.
One study found that people

of herpes is shame.
One study found that people
consider herpes more shameful

One study found that people
consider herpes more shameful
than any STD other than HIV.

consider herpes more shameful
than any STD other than HIV.
That's crazy.

than any STD other than HIV.
That's crazy.
And herpes is considered

That's crazy.
And herpes is considered
so stigmatized,

And herpes is considered
so stigmatized,
there are multiple online dating

so stigmatized,
there are multiple online dating
sites just for people

there are multiple online dating
sites just for people
with herpes.

sites just for people
with herpes.
All of this over a disease

with herpes.
All of this over a disease
that 90% of people have.

All of this over a disease
that 90% of people have.
You know what else is a herpes

that 90% of people have.
You know what else is a herpes
dating site?

You know what else is a herpes
dating site?
OKCupid, Match.com,

dating site?
OKCupid, Match.com,
Christian Mingle.

OKCupid, Match.com,
Christian Mingle.
All of them because nine out

Christian Mingle.
All of them because nine out
of ten people have herpes.

All of them because nine out
of ten people have herpes.
The only difference between

of ten people have herpes.
The only difference between
this guy...

The only difference between
this guy...
>> I'm diseased!

this guy...
>> I'm diseased!
I'll be alone forever.

>> I'm diseased!
I'll be alone forever.
>> ... and this guy...

I'll be alone forever.
>> ... and this guy...
>> How you doing, folks?

>> ... and this guy...
>> How you doing, folks?
Anyone for a fulfilling

>> How you doing, folks?
Anyone for a fulfilling
sexual relationship?

Anyone for a fulfilling
sexual relationship?
>> Is that the first guy knows

sexual relationship?
>> Is that the first guy knows
he has herpes.

>> Is that the first guy knows
he has herpes.
>> Oh, poor sap.

he has herpes.
>> Oh, poor sap.
Wait, what?

>> Oh, poor sap.
Wait, what?
>> The fact that we shame each

Wait, what?
>> The fact that we shame each
other this hard over a disease

>> The fact that we shame each
other this hard over a disease
that practically everyone has

other this hard over a disease
that practically everyone has
is truly awful.

that practically everyone has
is truly awful.
>> Okay.

is truly awful.
>> Okay.
I mean, I probably shouldn't be

>> Okay.
I mean, I probably shouldn't be
that scary about herpes

I mean, I probably shouldn't be
that scary about herpes
in class.

that scary about herpes
in class.
It's really not that dangerous.

in class.
It's really not that dangerous.
>> Looks like he's getting it,

It's really not that dangerous.
>> Looks like he's getting it,
huh, Herpy?

>> Looks like he's getting it,
huh, Herpy?
>> Yay!

huh, Herpy?
>> Yay!
Good job, new friends.

>> Yay!
Good job, new friends.
>> Hey, Herpy.

Good job, new friends.
>> Hey, Herpy.
How about taking back the herpes

>> Hey, Herpy.
How about taking back the herpes
you gave us?

How about taking back the herpes
you gave us?
>> No can do!

you gave us?
>> No can do!
You both already had herpes!

>> No can do!
You both already had herpes!
>> What?

You both already had herpes!
>> What?
Since when?

>> What?
Since when?
>> Since college!

Since when?
>> Since college!
>> Oh, Herpy!

>> Since college!
>> Oh, Herpy!
>> You know, the crazy thing is

>> Oh, Herpy!
>> You know, the crazy thing is
I don't remember filming

>> You know, the crazy thing is
I don't remember filming
any of that.

I don't remember filming
any of that.
>> Well, now that I've popped

any of that.
>> Well, now that I've popped
your knowledge cherry,

>> Well, now that I've popped
your knowledge cherry,
I'll be on my way.

He's a funny virus.

(laughter)
>> Hang on.
Did you just say

>> Hang on.
Did you just say
"popped our knowledge cherry"?

Did you just say
"popped our knowledge cherry"?
>> Oh yeah, it's metaphor.

"popped our knowledge cherry"?
>> Oh yeah, it's metaphor.
For puncturing a virgin's hymen.

>> Oh yeah, it's metaphor.
For puncturing a virgin's hymen.
Gross, sorry.

For puncturing a virgin's hymen.
Gross, sorry.
>> Yeah, it's not just gross.

Gross, sorry.
>> Yeah, it's not just gross.
It's totally wrong.

>> Yeah, it's not just gross.
It's totally wrong.
That's not how a hymen works.

It's totally wrong.
That's not how a hymen works.
>> Really?

That's not how a hymen works.
>> Really?
I didn't know that.

>> Really?
I didn't know that.
Whoa.

I didn't know that.
Whoa.
I didn't know something.

>> Oh, my God!
If you didn't know something,
that means I get to teach

If you didn't know something,
that means I get to teach
you something.

that means I get to teach
you something.
Oh, my God, yes.

you something.
Oh, my God, yes.
Up next, this is

Oh, my God, yes.
Up next, this is
"Emily Ruins Everything."

Up next, this is
"Emily Ruins Everything."
>> We're never gonna have sex,

"Emily Ruins Everything."
>> We're never gonna have sex,
are we?

>> We're never gonna have sex,
are we?
>> Sorry, babe.

My turn to explain something.
Give me your magic TV powers.
Where are they?

Give me your magic TV powers.
Where are they?
Is it your glasses?

Where are they?
Is it your glasses?
>> No.

Is it your glasses?
>> No.
>> It's your glasses.

>> No.
>> It's your glasses.
(Adam groaning)

>> It's your glasses.
(Adam groaning)
Whoa!

(Adam groaning)
Whoa!
Your prescription's insane.

Whoa!
Your prescription's insane.
>> Whoever has the knowledge

Your prescription's insane.
>> Whoever has the knowledge
wields the power.

>> Whoever has the knowledge
wields the power.
>> Oh.

wields the power.
>> Oh.
Really?

(snapping)

(snapping)
>> Stop, you're only supposed to
use the powers for learning.

>> Stop, you're only supposed to
use the powers for learning.
>> Oh, I'm getting there.

use the powers for learning.
>> Oh, I'm getting there.
(clearing throat)

>> Oh, I'm getting there.
(clearing throat)
Now, what do you two derpies

(clearing throat)
Now, what do you two derpies
think a hymen is?

Now, what do you two derpies
think a hymen is?
>> Do we have to talk

think a hymen is?
>> Do we have to talk
about hymens?

>> Do we have to talk
about hymens?
>> Seems like more of

about hymens?
>> Seems like more of
a lady thing.

>> Seems like more of
a lady thing.
>> Yeah.

>> Ooh.
This is fun.
Grow up, guys.

This is fun.
Grow up, guys.
You just spent ten minutes

Grow up, guys.
You just spent ten minutes
talking about your ding-dongs.

You just spent ten minutes
talking about your ding-dongs.
I mean, why is it ickier if it's

talking about your ding-dongs.
I mean, why is it ickier if it's
about a woman's body?

I mean, why is it ickier if it's
about a woman's body?
>> Fair enough.

about a woman's body?
>> Fair enough.
>> So, what's a hymen?

>> Fair enough.
>> So, what's a hymen?
>> Okay, it's a bit of girl that

>> So, what's a hymen?
>> Okay, it's a bit of girl that
covers the vaginal area until

>> Okay, it's a bit of girl that
covers the vaginal area until
she has sex.

covers the vaginal area until
she has sex.
>> Yes, a freshness seal.

she has sex.
>> Yes, a freshness seal.
>> Do not consume if open.

>> Yes, a freshness seal.
>> Do not consume if open.
Sorry.

>> Do not consume if open.
Sorry.
>> Yeah.

Sorry.
>> Yeah.
That's what a lot of

>> Yeah.
That's what a lot of
people think.

People picture the hymen like
it's one of those paper banners
at a sports game.

it's one of those paper banners
at a sports game.
They think it covers up a lady's

at a sports game.
They think it covers up a lady's
vagina and then when she has

They think it covers up a lady's
vagina and then when she has
sex for the first time,

vagina and then when she has
sex for the first time,
it gets busted.

>> Seems pretty accurate.
>> Yep, let's go play
video games. (laughs)

>> Yep, let's go play
video games. (laughs)
>> No, you don't.

video games. (laughs)
>> No, you don't.
Everything about that is wrong.

>> No, you don't.
Everything about that is wrong.
Okay, think about it.

Everything about that is wrong.
Okay, think about it.
If our hymens completely sealed

Okay, think about it.
If our hymens completely sealed
our vaginas, where would our

If our hymens completely sealed
our vaginas, where would our
periods go?

our vaginas, where would our
periods go?
I mean, we'd blow up like

periods go?
I mean, we'd blow up like
the blueberry girl in

I mean, we'd blow up like
the blueberry girl in
"Charlie and the

the blueberry girl in
"Charlie and the
Chocolate Factory."

"Charlie and the
Chocolate Factory."
>> Oh, yeah.

Chocolate Factory."
>> Oh, yeah.
And where would you pee?

>> Oh, yeah.
And where would you pee?
>> You know we don't pee out of

And where would you pee?
>> You know we don't pee out of
our vaginas, right?

>> You know we don't pee out of
our vaginas, right?
We pee out of our urethras,

our vaginas, right?
We pee out of our urethras,
which is a separate hole.

We pee out of our urethras,
which is a separate hole.
You're a health teacher.

which is a separate hole.
You're a health teacher.
>> And our school district

You're a health teacher.
>> And our school district
is very underfunded.

>> And our school district
is very underfunded.
So that's how many holes total?

>> The hymen is actually a thin,
stretchy bit around the vagina.
In most women, our hymens have

stretchy bit around the vagina.
In most women, our hymens have
an opening that's big enough for

In most women, our hymens have
an opening that's big enough for
tampons, fingers, and yes,

an opening that's big enough for
tampons, fingers, and yes,
getting bizzay.

tampons, fingers, and yes,
getting bizzay.
But it's not like a barrier.

getting bizzay.
But it's not like a barrier.
It's more like a...

But it's not like a barrier.
It's more like a...
balloon arch.

It's more like a...
balloon arch.
>> Okay, but doesn't the hymen

balloon arch.
>> Okay, but doesn't the hymen
break the first time you

>> Okay, but doesn't the hymen
break the first time you
have sex?

break the first time you
have sex?
Like, doesn't it hurt?

have sex?
Like, doesn't it hurt?
>> It doesn't have to.

Like, doesn't it hurt?
>> It doesn't have to.
It might, if you're not careful

>> It doesn't have to.
It might, if you're not careful
with it.

It might, if you're not careful
with it.
>> Oh, gee...

with it.
>> Oh, gee...
Oh, fudge.

>> Oh, gee...
Oh, fudge.
I damaged the balloon arch.

Oh, fudge.
I damaged the balloon arch.
Oh, fff-- God...

I damaged the balloon arch.
Oh, fff-- God...
>> But it can also tear from

Oh, fff-- God...
>> But it can also tear from
doing the splits...

>> But it can also tear from
doing the splits...
(balloons popping)

doing the splits...
(balloons popping)
... or just living our lives.

(balloons popping)
... or just living our lives.
Even then, hymens can heal,

... or just living our lives.
Even then, hymens can heal,
and a lot of them never even get

Even then, hymens can heal,
and a lot of them never even get
torn in the first place.

and a lot of them never even get
torn in the first place.
One study found that 52% of

torn in the first place.
One study found that 52% of
sexually active teenage women

One study found that 52% of
sexually active teenage women
had intact hymens.

sexually active teenage women
had intact hymens.
>> Really?

had intact hymens.
>> Really?
>> Yeah.

>> Really?
>> Yeah.
>> (cheering) H-Y-M-E-N!

>> Yeah.
>> (cheering) H-Y-M-E-N!
Not well understood by men!

>> (cheering) H-Y-M-E-N!
Not well understood by men!
Go, hymen!

Not well understood by men!
Go, hymen!
>> The hymen as you understand

Go, hymen!
>> The hymen as you understand
it is a straight up myth.

>> The hymen as you understand
it is a straight up myth.
>> Okay, Emily.

it is a straight up myth.
>> Okay, Emily.
Are you sure about that?

>> Okay, Emily.
Are you sure about that?
Maybe you should call in

Are you sure about that?
Maybe you should call in
an expert.

Maybe you should call in
an expert.
>> Yeah, that's a good call.

an expert.
>> Yeah, that's a good call.
>> It's what I usually do, so.

>> How's this for an expert?
>> Good point, I feel bad.

>> Our bodies don't come with
built-in virginity detectors
and sex

built-in virginity detectors
and sex
isn't supposed to hurt

and sex
isn't supposed to hurt
the first time, but this

isn't supposed to hurt
the first time, but this
horrible idea is everywhere

the first time, but this
horrible idea is everywhere
in our culture.

From ska bands.
>> ♪ Zoot suit riot ♪
>> Ugh, bad name.

>> ♪ Zoot suit riot ♪
>> Ugh, bad name.
>> To popular TV shows.

>> Ugh, bad name.
>> To popular TV shows.
>> So there's a good chance that

>> To popular TV shows.
>> So there's a good chance that
Megan was never raped.

>> So there's a good chance that
Megan was never raped.
>> These are Megan's

Megan was never raped.
>> These are Megan's
medical records.

>> These are Megan's
medical records.
An intact hymen.

medical records.
An intact hymen.
>> She's a virgin.

>> Even the New York Times
gets it wrong.

gets it wrong.
The Times knows more about

The Times knows more about
regional politics in Finland

regional politics in Finland
than the female body.

than the female body.
>> Honestly, the worst part

>> Honestly, the worst part
is the word "daddy."

is the word "daddy."
>> Yeah, that is inappropriate.

>> Yeah, that is inappropriate.
>> It gets way worse

>> It gets way worse
than band names.

In some parts of the world,
women are forced to show
government officials that their

women are forced to show
government officials that their
hymen is intact.

government officials that their
hymen is intact.
If they don't, they can be

hymen is intact.
If they don't, they can be
denied jobs, barred from making

If they don't, they can be
denied jobs, barred from making
rape accusations, even thrown

denied jobs, barred from making
rape accusations, even thrown
in jail.

rape accusations, even thrown
in jail.
Sorry, Adam.

in jail.
Sorry, Adam.
I know that this is usually

Sorry, Adam.
I know that this is usually
the point where you do some cute

I know that this is usually
the point where you do some cute
visual gag, I just--

the point where you do some cute
visual gag, I just--
>> No, skip it.

visual gag, I just--
>> No, skip it.
That's awful.

>> No, skip it.
That's awful.
>> Really, really awful.

That's awful.
>> Really, really awful.
>> Yeah.

>> Really, really awful.
>> Yeah.
Virginity exams are straight up

>> Yeah.
Virginity exams are straight up
sexual assault, and they don't

Virginity exams are straight up
sexual assault, and they don't
even prove anything because...

Physically speaking, virginity
doesn't exist.
It's just something we made up

doesn't exist.
It's just something we made up
to be mean to women,

It's just something we made up
to be mean to women,
like "Entourage."

>> Wow, I learned something.
That felt great.
I feel taller.

That felt great.
I feel taller.
Do I look taller?

I feel taller.
Do I look taller?
>> Glad to help.

Do I look taller?
>> Glad to help.
Anyways, it's time

>> Glad to help.
Anyways, it's time
for you to go.

Anyways, it's time
for you to go.
>> Emily, you know, usually I do

for you to go.
>> Emily, you know, usually I do
more of a wrap up than that.

>> Emily, you know, usually I do
more of a wrap up than that.
>> Nope.

more of a wrap up than that.
>> Nope.
Hit the road.

>> Nope.
Hit the road.
It's date night

Hit the road.
It's date night
and clock's tickin'.

It's date night
and clock's tickin'.
>> Of course.

♪

>> I actually don't feel
like having sex right now.
Or ever.

like having sex right now.
Or ever.
I just keep thinking about how

Or ever.
I just keep thinking about how
I have herpes and my junk looks

I just keep thinking about how
I have herpes and my junk looks
weird and apparently, I don't

I have herpes and my junk looks
weird and apparently, I don't
know anything about your body.

weird and apparently, I don't
know anything about your body.
I feel like garbage.

know anything about your body.
I feel like garbage.
>> I know how you feel.

I feel like garbage.
>> I know how you feel.
I just told Adam Conover about

>> I know how you feel.
I just told Adam Conover about
my hymen for, like,

I just told Adam Conover about
my hymen for, like,
five minutes.

my hymen for, like,
five minutes.
I kind of want to barf.

five minutes.
I kind of want to barf.
>> Sounds like you guys are

I kind of want to barf.
>> Sounds like you guys are
having a little trouble

>> Sounds like you guys are
having a little trouble
in the bedroom.

having a little trouble
in the bedroom.
You need my help?

in the bedroom.
You need my help?
>> Never.

You need my help?
>> Never.
>> No.

>> Never.
>> No.
>> Well, in one second,

>> No.
>> Well, in one second,
I'll tell you

>> Well, in one second,
I'll tell you
how to solve the worst

I'll tell you
how to solve the worst
sexual problem of all.

how to solve the worst
sexual problem of all.
>> You?

sexual problem of all.
>> You?
>> That's hurtful.

>> Fine.
What's the worst
sexual condition of all?

What's the worst
sexual condition of all?
Are my balls full of bees

sexual condition of all?
Are my balls full of bees
or something?

Are my balls full of bees
or something?
>> That would be cool,

or something?
>> That would be cool,
but not that I know of.

>> That would be cool,
but not that I know of.
Nope, it's the one problem that

but not that I know of.
Nope, it's the one problem that
causes all the others.

Nope, it's the one problem that
causes all the others.
Shame.

causes all the others.
Shame.
>> Oh.

Shame.
>> Oh.
I'm not ashamed about sex.

>> Oh.
I'm not ashamed about sex.
I'm very progressive.

I'm not ashamed about sex.
I'm very progressive.
I bought us a sex toy.

I'm very progressive.
I bought us a sex toy.
>> You did?

I bought us a sex toy.
>> You did?
>> Yeah, you never saw it.

>> You did?
>> Yeah, you never saw it.
I hid it in the attic.

>> Yeah, you never saw it.
I hid it in the attic.
Maybe I am ashamed of sex.

I hid it in the attic.
Maybe I am ashamed of sex.
>> Yeah.

Maybe I am ashamed of sex.
>> Yeah.
We all are, at least a little

>> Yeah.
We all are, at least a little
bit, and that can cause us to

We all are, at least a little
bit, and that can cause us to
treat each other horribly,

bit, and that can cause us to
treat each other horribly,
like when we

treat each other horribly,
like when we
humiliate people for

like when we
humiliate people for
having an innocuous disease.

humiliate people for
having an innocuous disease.
>> Whee!

having an innocuous disease.
>> Whee!
>> Or redesign babies' genitals

>> Whee!
>> Or redesign babies' genitals
for no reason.

>> Or redesign babies' genitals
for no reason.
(baby crying)

for no reason.
(baby crying)
Or teach teenage girls that

(baby crying)
Or teach teenage girls that
their first sexual experience

Or teach teenage girls that
their first sexual experience
is gonna be a nightmare.

>> Aww, yeah, I'm sorry, I--
I did it again.
>> All of these mistakes

I did it again.
>> All of these mistakes
were caused by shame.

>> All of these mistakes
were caused by shame.
Take the example of Kellogg.

were caused by shame.
Take the example of Kellogg.
He promoted circumcision because

Take the example of Kellogg.
He promoted circumcision because
masturbation freaked him out,

He promoted circumcision because
masturbation freaked him out,
but that's crazy because

masturbation freaked him out,
but that's crazy because
we all masturbate.

but that's crazy because
we all masturbate.
>> I don't, I swear.

we all masturbate.
>> I don't, I swear.
>> Not me, you're more

>> I don't, I swear.
>> Not me, you're more
than enough for me, baby.

>> Not me, you're more
than enough for me, baby.
>> No, you guys definitely do.

than enough for me, baby.
>> No, you guys definitely do.
And it's fine with each other

>> No, you guys definitely do.
And it's fine with each other
that you do, right?

And it's fine with each other
that you do, right?
>> Oh, of course, go to town.

that you do, right?
>> Oh, of course, go to town.
>> Oh, yeah,

>> Oh, of course, go to town.
>> Oh, yeah,
it's okay if you do.

>> Oh, yeah,
it's okay if you do.
>> So why be ashamed of it?

Masturbation is the safest
form of sex.

form of sex.
It releases tons of healthy

It releases tons of healthy
endorphins, and it can actually

endorphins, and it can actually
be used to treat

be used to treat
sexual dysfunction.

sexual dysfunction.
>> That's actually all true.

>> Masturbation is good for you.
That's what you should tell
your students.

That's what you should tell
your students.
>> I should.

your students.
>> I should.
I will not,

>> I should.
I will not,
because I'd get fired.

I will not,
because I'd get fired.
>> Well, that's sad, because

because I'd get fired.
>> Well, that's sad, because
it's true.

>> Well, that's sad, because
it's true.
We need to stop doing this

it's true.
We need to stop doing this
to ourselves.

We need to stop doing this
to ourselves.
No one needs to worry if they

to ourselves.
No one needs to worry if they
like to flick the bean, or if

No one needs to worry if they
like to flick the bean, or if
they're a virgin, or if they

like to flick the bean, or if
they're a virgin, or if they
find learning obscure facts

they're a virgin, or if they
find learning obscure facts
deeply erotic.

find learning obscure facts
deeply erotic.
Shame is ruining our sex lives.

deeply erotic.
Shame is ruining our sex lives.
We shouldn't let it any longer.

Oh, jeez, my speech worked
too well.
I'll let myself out.

too well.
I'll let myself out.
>> ♪ Ooh baby ♪

I'll let myself out.
>> ♪ Ooh baby ♪
♪ Ooh baby ♪

>> ♪ Ooh baby ♪
♪ Ooh baby ♪
♪ Sexual ♪

♪ Ooh baby ♪
♪ Sexual ♪
♪ Sexual ♪

♪

(phone vibrating)

>> What the...?

(tapping)
>> Next time on
"Adam Ruins Everything"...

>> How many of you have ever
heard of vitamin megadoses?
>> I have, but I've also heard

heard of vitamin megadoses?
>> I have, but I've also heard
of fairies, and those won't cure

>> I have, but I've also heard
of fairies, and those won't cure
your cold, either.

of fairies, and those won't cure
your cold, either.
>> Great.

your cold, either.
>> Great.
Can I go back to doing

>> Great.
Can I go back to doing
my show now?

Can I go back to doing
my show now?
>> What's bad for you about

my show now?
>> What's bad for you about
orange juice is the sugar.

>> Sugar!
>> Medical shows like this one
end up telling you big fat

>> Medical shows like this one
end up telling you big fat
lies like that.

end up telling you big fat
lies like that.
>> You lied to us,

lies like that.
>> You lied to us,
Dr. Todd!

>> You lied to us,
Dr. Todd!
>> Everyone, stop!

Dr. Todd!
>> Everyone, stop!
There's an answer to all

>> Everyone, stop!
There's an answer to all
of this!