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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,434 --> 00:00:07,434 Hey. 2 00:00:07,434 --> 00:00:08,434 Hey. 3 00:00:08,434 --> 00:00:10,434 I got the milk you needed. 4 00:00:10,434 --> 00:00:12,000 What do I owe you? 5 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:13,133 Forget it. 6 00:00:13,133 --> 00:00:16,133 No. You bought me juice and bread yesterday. 7 00:00:16,133 --> 00:00:18,434 I May be losing my job, 8 00:00:18,434 --> 00:00:21,267 But I can still afford a carton of milk. 9 00:00:21,267 --> 00:00:22,834 What do I owe you? 10 00:00:22,834 --> 00:00:24,534 O.k., it's $1.40. 11 00:00:24,534 --> 00:00:27,067 O.k., let's see... 12 00:00:28,133 --> 00:00:29,133 50... 13 00:00:29,133 --> 00:00:31,968 75... 14 00:00:31,968 --> 00:00:33,534 80... 15 00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:36,467 I'll give you the rest when I do the laundry. 16 00:00:36,467 --> 00:00:38,033 Wonderful. 17 00:00:38,033 --> 00:00:41,934 So did you find something for mom for mother's day? 18 00:00:41,934 --> 00:00:43,067 No. 19 00:00:43,067 --> 00:00:46,133 Why don't we send her some perfume? 20 00:00:46,133 --> 00:00:48,734 She'll think we don't like the way she smells. 21 00:00:48,734 --> 00:00:51,701 I don't like the way she smells. 22 00:00:51,701 --> 00:00:53,467 How about flowers? 23 00:00:53,467 --> 00:00:56,400 Why don't you just say her house stinks, too? 24 00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:59,534 How about candy? 25 00:00:59,534 --> 00:01:02,501 No! We gave her candy two years ago, remember? 26 00:01:02,501 --> 00:01:04,000 "Thanks for the candy, girls. 27 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:06,000 "I could have swallowed my filling, 28 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:08,868 But luckily it stuck right in the caramel." 29 00:01:08,868 --> 00:01:11,534 How about a Crystal vase? 30 00:01:11,534 --> 00:01:13,000 Can't afford that. 31 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:16,000 Hey, what about if we break a glass 32 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:19,534 And put it in a box Marked "fragile"? 33 00:01:19,534 --> 00:01:21,567 No. Oh, I know! 34 00:01:21,567 --> 00:01:23,000 Let's get her something 35 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,100 That makes her feel really young. 36 00:01:25,100 --> 00:01:27,434 What, like a wagon? 37 00:01:27,434 --> 00:01:29,400 You're not helping. 38 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:32,300 Hey... 39 00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:36,534 I think I found my mother's day present from the kids. 40 00:01:36,534 --> 00:01:38,234 You're going to open it? 41 00:01:38,234 --> 00:01:39,567 It's two days away! 42 00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:44,100 Well, I need time to practice pretending like I like it. 43 00:01:45,634 --> 00:01:50,300 Oh, man, I should have opened it a week ago. 44 00:01:50,300 --> 00:01:52,767 Didn't they give you slippers last year? 45 00:01:52,767 --> 00:01:53,901 Yeah. 46 00:01:53,901 --> 00:01:56,734 These are them! I Forgot to return them. 47 00:01:56,734 --> 00:01:59,167 Boy, these are ugly. 48 00:01:59,167 --> 00:02:01,400 Mom will love them! 49 00:03:15,634 --> 00:03:16,868 [Telephone rings] 50 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:23,033 Becky's teen town! 51 00:03:23,033 --> 00:03:28,467 If you're calling to chat about boys, press one now. 52 00:03:28,467 --> 00:03:29,801 Mother... 53 00:03:31,968 --> 00:03:33,634 Hi. 54 00:03:33,634 --> 00:03:35,634 Yeah? When? 55 00:03:35,634 --> 00:03:36,801 Oh, great! 56 00:03:36,801 --> 00:03:38,834 Yes! O.k. O.k., cool. 57 00:03:38,834 --> 00:03:40,100 Bye. 58 00:03:40,100 --> 00:03:41,667 Dana did it! 59 00:03:41,667 --> 00:03:44,300 She got the concert tickets for next saturday! 60 00:03:44,300 --> 00:03:45,367 Awesome! 61 00:03:45,367 --> 00:03:46,667 We go to Dana's, 62 00:03:46,667 --> 00:03:49,400 Then pick everybody else up in the van. 63 00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:51,601 This is going to be great! 64 00:03:51,601 --> 00:03:53,634 Just understand that you and stacy 65 00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:55,667 Won't be sitting with my friends. 66 00:03:55,667 --> 00:03:58,834 Becky, there's going to be 20,000 people there. 67 00:03:58,834 --> 00:04:03,267 Why would we sit next to the only four geeks? 68 00:04:03,267 --> 00:04:06,200 O.k., we're going away for the weekend without an adult. 69 00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:09,501 The big "r" will definitely have a problem with that. 70 00:04:09,501 --> 00:04:12,634 Well, not if we make it sound good. 71 00:04:12,634 --> 00:04:14,801 How? 72 00:04:14,801 --> 00:04:16,300 I don't know. 73 00:04:16,300 --> 00:04:18,434 Tell her we're never coming back. 74 00:04:18,434 --> 00:04:21,834 [Dan] hey. 75 00:04:21,834 --> 00:04:22,834 Hey. 76 00:04:22,834 --> 00:04:24,067 How was your day? 77 00:04:24,067 --> 00:04:27,100 Would you like to know what your son did? 78 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:30,067 Well, if he's "my" son, it must be something bad. 79 00:04:30,067 --> 00:04:33,067 I had to go to school to see his teacher 80 00:04:33,067 --> 00:04:36,067 Because it seems he hasn't turned in any math homework 81 00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:38,067 For the past two weeks. 82 00:04:38,067 --> 00:04:39,067 I see. 83 00:04:39,067 --> 00:04:41,200 And how did he explain this? 84 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:43,601 Well, he's had a lot of extra responsibility 85 00:04:43,601 --> 00:04:46,067 Since you died. 86 00:04:51,501 --> 00:04:52,934 Did I suffer? 87 00:04:52,934 --> 00:04:55,067 No. 88 00:04:55,067 --> 00:04:57,734 Sniper... Clean shot. 89 00:04:59,501 --> 00:05:01,968 I said I was sorry! 90 00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:04,234 Ever since he got that video game, 91 00:05:04,234 --> 00:05:05,701 He's been goofing off! 92 00:05:05,701 --> 00:05:07,234 Deej, you finish your homework 93 00:05:07,234 --> 00:05:09,734 First thing when you come home from school, 94 00:05:09,734 --> 00:05:10,968 You read me? 95 00:05:10,968 --> 00:05:12,067 Yes. 96 00:05:12,067 --> 00:05:14,067 Is that it? 97 00:05:15,901 --> 00:05:20,434 Oh, and you cannot lie to your teachers, you got it? 98 00:05:20,434 --> 00:05:21,434 O.k. 99 00:05:21,434 --> 00:05:23,100 O.k. 100 00:05:23,100 --> 00:05:24,834 No, it is not o.k. 101 00:05:24,834 --> 00:05:27,267 You're not watching any TV this whole weekend, 102 00:05:27,267 --> 00:05:28,667 You understand that? 103 00:05:28,667 --> 00:05:30,534 And you're not playing video games 104 00:05:30,534 --> 00:05:33,801 Till your teacher calls and tells me you're caught up. 105 00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:34,801 Dad! 106 00:05:34,801 --> 00:05:36,100 You heard your mother. 107 00:05:36,100 --> 00:05:37,634 Now take your homework upstairs 108 00:05:37,634 --> 00:05:39,567 And wash up for dinner. 109 00:05:39,567 --> 00:05:41,734 I hate you! 110 00:05:41,734 --> 00:05:44,434 Then my work here is done. 111 00:05:49,234 --> 00:05:50,234 What? 112 00:05:50,234 --> 00:05:52,300 Hey, thanks for your help there. 113 00:05:52,300 --> 00:05:53,968 What? I Backed you up. 114 00:05:53,968 --> 00:05:56,100 Why am I always the bad guy? 115 00:05:56,100 --> 00:05:59,367 I told him to do his homework and to stop lying. 116 00:05:59,367 --> 00:06:00,868 What else do you want from me? 117 00:06:00,868 --> 00:06:03,400 How about if you punish him once 118 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:06,000 And end up where he doesn't like you? 119 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:07,734 Give him time! 120 00:06:07,734 --> 00:06:10,400 He'll turn on me. He's a Conner boy. 121 00:06:12,634 --> 00:06:15,534 Pretty soon we'll be slugging it out on the front lawn. 122 00:06:15,534 --> 00:06:20,734 Well, that doesn't do me any good now, does it, Dan? 123 00:06:20,734 --> 00:06:22,300 We'll ask later. 124 00:06:29,234 --> 00:06:31,234 Be quiet! You'll wake up mom. 125 00:06:31,234 --> 00:06:32,400 So what? 126 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:33,734 It's mother's day, you moron. 127 00:06:33,734 --> 00:06:35,734 Stop trying to tick her off. 128 00:06:35,734 --> 00:06:39,100 Go upstairs, hose off whatever stupid thing you made for her, 129 00:06:39,100 --> 00:06:40,701 And bring it down. 130 00:06:40,701 --> 00:06:41,868 Or what? 131 00:06:41,868 --> 00:06:44,133 Or we'll bury you under the porch 132 00:06:44,133 --> 00:06:46,400 With the rest of our brothers. 133 00:06:48,334 --> 00:06:49,334 Hi. 134 00:06:49,334 --> 00:06:50,334 Hey. 135 00:06:50,334 --> 00:06:53,334 I Only had five eggs in my fridge. 136 00:06:53,334 --> 00:06:55,834 Well, how long have they been there? 137 00:06:55,834 --> 00:06:57,834 Uh...well... 138 00:06:57,834 --> 00:07:01,467 I know I bought them on my way to work. 139 00:07:01,467 --> 00:07:03,868 I just don't remember which job. 140 00:07:03,868 --> 00:07:04,934 [Telephone rings] 141 00:07:04,934 --> 00:07:06,000 Who'd call this early? 142 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:08,634 Well, get it before it wakes up mom! 143 00:07:08,634 --> 00:07:10,133 I got it. 144 00:07:10,133 --> 00:07:11,534 Hello? 145 00:07:11,534 --> 00:07:14,467 Oh, hi, mom. 146 00:07:14,467 --> 00:07:15,934 No, it's Jackie. 147 00:07:15,934 --> 00:07:18,367 Happy mother's day. 148 00:07:18,367 --> 00:07:19,467 Yeah. 149 00:07:19,467 --> 00:07:20,767 Yeah, it's a shame 150 00:07:20,767 --> 00:07:23,200 You can't say the same to me. 151 00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:26,701 So, did you get the slippers? 152 00:07:26,701 --> 00:07:30,434 Unique good or unique bad? 153 00:07:30,434 --> 00:07:33,067 Should we ask dad about the concert? 154 00:07:33,067 --> 00:07:35,501 I don't think he'd go for it, either. 155 00:07:35,501 --> 00:07:37,400 Besides, she's still mad about D.J. 156 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:40,000 We should just stick to our plan. 157 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,868 Mom, don't you think that if I was dating somebody 158 00:07:42,868 --> 00:07:45,601 I'd tell you to get you off my back? 159 00:07:45,601 --> 00:07:47,067 Oh. Really. 160 00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:49,567 Well, go suck an egg. 161 00:07:50,901 --> 00:07:52,567 Huh? 162 00:07:52,567 --> 00:07:55,267 No. I did not! 163 00:07:55,267 --> 00:07:57,901 No! Why would I say something like that? 164 00:07:57,901 --> 00:07:59,200 "Suck an egg"? 165 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:01,734 I don't even know what that means! 166 00:08:01,734 --> 00:08:03,334 No, I didn't say that. 167 00:08:03,334 --> 00:08:05,367 Must be a bad connection. 168 00:08:05,367 --> 00:08:07,033 So mom, happy mother's day. 169 00:08:07,033 --> 00:08:10,434 I'll tell Roseanne to give you a call when she gets up. 170 00:08:10,434 --> 00:08:12,100 O.k.? Uh-huh. Bite me. 171 00:08:14,801 --> 00:08:19,434 Oh, man, I should have thought of that a long time ago! 172 00:08:19,434 --> 00:08:21,033 Here she comes. 173 00:08:21,033 --> 00:08:23,100 Tell her how great she looks. 174 00:08:25,300 --> 00:08:27,434 Well, it's your father's way of telling me 175 00:08:27,434 --> 00:08:29,767 How much he loves me. 176 00:08:29,767 --> 00:08:31,834 You said you liked it. 177 00:08:31,834 --> 00:08:33,100 I love it! 178 00:08:33,100 --> 00:08:36,567 Because I know that you picked it out all by yourself. 179 00:08:36,567 --> 00:08:39,334 Oh, my, my, my. 180 00:08:39,334 --> 00:08:41,801 Let me feel-- oh, boy! 181 00:08:41,801 --> 00:08:43,801 That feels... 182 00:08:43,801 --> 00:08:45,467 Fire-retarDant. 183 00:08:47,367 --> 00:08:51,334 It's way retarDant. 184 00:08:51,334 --> 00:08:52,334 [Roseanne] it's-- 185 00:08:52,334 --> 00:08:54,300 She hates it. Do something. 186 00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:55,868 Sit down, mom. 187 00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:57,300 There's your coffee and juice. 188 00:08:57,300 --> 00:08:58,734 French toast is coming up. 189 00:08:58,734 --> 00:09:00,834 Did you actually make breakfast? 190 00:09:00,834 --> 00:09:03,033 Well, sure. It's mother's day. 191 00:09:03,033 --> 00:09:05,701 What's the catch? 192 00:09:05,701 --> 00:09:08,434 No catch. Can't we just do something nice? 193 00:09:08,434 --> 00:09:10,367 I don't know. You never have. 194 00:09:10,367 --> 00:09:13,234 Here. Happy mother's day. 195 00:09:13,234 --> 00:09:14,334 Oh, look! 196 00:09:14,334 --> 00:09:17,133 An ashtray with your picture at the bottom. 197 00:09:17,133 --> 00:09:19,033 It's a shame you quit smoking. 198 00:09:19,033 --> 00:09:21,534 You could grind your butts out on his face. 199 00:09:21,534 --> 00:09:24,501 Shut up! 200 00:09:24,501 --> 00:09:26,567 Well, I like it, D.J. 201 00:09:26,567 --> 00:09:29,000 I'll use it for a candy dish. 202 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:30,501 You really, really love it? 203 00:09:30,501 --> 00:09:32,067 I love it, yes! 204 00:09:32,067 --> 00:09:34,501 And you're still not watching any TV. 205 00:09:34,501 --> 00:09:35,868 Gee! 206 00:09:35,868 --> 00:09:36,868 Here, mom. 207 00:09:36,868 --> 00:09:39,501 This is from me and Darlene. 208 00:09:39,501 --> 00:09:42,167 Oh. Thanks. 209 00:09:42,167 --> 00:09:43,734 Oh, look at that. 210 00:09:43,734 --> 00:09:46,601 It's a gift certificate to the beauty box. 211 00:09:46,601 --> 00:09:48,033 "Mother's day makeover-- 212 00:09:48,033 --> 00:09:49,534 "Manicure, pedicure, facial, 213 00:09:49,534 --> 00:09:52,033 Complete hair styling." 214 00:09:52,033 --> 00:09:55,534 Man! This must have cost a lot. 215 00:09:55,534 --> 00:09:57,901 Which one of yous is pregnant? 216 00:09:57,901 --> 00:10:01,901 We just wanted to get you something you'd really like. 217 00:10:01,901 --> 00:10:03,968 Yeah. I've been 218 00:10:03,968 --> 00:10:06,033 Kind of a nightmare this year. 219 00:10:06,033 --> 00:10:07,534 It's my way of saying 220 00:10:07,534 --> 00:10:09,534 Thanks for putting up with me. 221 00:10:09,534 --> 00:10:11,534 Oh, that is so sweet! 222 00:10:11,534 --> 00:10:13,100 Thank you. 223 00:10:13,100 --> 00:10:14,534 That's so nice. 224 00:10:14,534 --> 00:10:16,367 Look, Dan... 225 00:10:16,367 --> 00:10:19,400 The girls got me a good gift. 226 00:10:21,167 --> 00:10:22,667 Way to go. 227 00:10:24,534 --> 00:10:27,167 And you know what would just make it perfect? 228 00:10:27,167 --> 00:10:28,868 We all go together. 229 00:10:28,868 --> 00:10:32,234 Oh, no. That's just for you. 230 00:10:32,234 --> 00:10:35,701 No, go with me. It would be great. 231 00:10:35,701 --> 00:10:37,200 But it's your day. 232 00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:40,567 And I want to spend it with my two girls. 233 00:10:40,567 --> 00:10:41,868 Really? 234 00:10:41,868 --> 00:10:42,901 Shoot! 235 00:10:42,901 --> 00:10:45,934 We only have enough money for you, mom. 236 00:10:45,934 --> 00:10:47,434 Oh, don't worry about it. 237 00:10:47,434 --> 00:10:49,033 I've got plenty of money. 238 00:10:49,033 --> 00:10:52,000 How much did you pay for this robe? 239 00:11:02,968 --> 00:11:05,200 What's that? It's all scratchy. 240 00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:07,868 Eucalyptus and mango in an oatmeal base. 241 00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:12,100 We're scrubbing away those layers of dead, dry skin. 242 00:11:12,100 --> 00:11:14,300 Well, rub it all over my body 243 00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:16,200 And don't stop till I'm a size 8. 244 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:19,868 Oh, I think I overdid it today. 245 00:11:19,868 --> 00:11:21,734 The girls made me breakfast 246 00:11:21,734 --> 00:11:23,868 And took me out to lunch. 247 00:11:23,868 --> 00:11:26,334 Then I thought we should lose those calories, 248 00:11:26,334 --> 00:11:28,767 So we left the car at the restaurant 249 00:11:28,767 --> 00:11:31,501 And walked over to baskin-robbins. 250 00:11:31,501 --> 00:11:34,300 Sounds like you had a great mother's day. 251 00:11:34,300 --> 00:11:35,501 Oh, yeah. 252 00:11:35,501 --> 00:11:36,634 It's just great. 253 00:11:36,634 --> 00:11:38,934 Me and my girls hanging out together, 254 00:11:38,934 --> 00:11:39,934 Acting crazy. 255 00:11:39,934 --> 00:11:42,734 Oh, we went to this movie theater 256 00:11:42,734 --> 00:11:44,501 But we'd already seen the show, 257 00:11:44,501 --> 00:11:48,567 So we stood in front and told everybody the ending. 258 00:11:48,567 --> 00:11:51,634 Oh, it just doesn't get any better than that. 259 00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:55,701 Mrs. Conner, it's time for your shampoo. 260 00:11:55,701 --> 00:11:58,200 Oh, do I really have to move? 261 00:11:58,200 --> 00:11:59,200 Sorry. 262 00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:00,834 Oh, all right. 263 00:12:02,901 --> 00:12:07,667 Boy, what we girls won't go through to be beautiful. 264 00:12:07,667 --> 00:12:10,000 Oh, yeah, mom. 265 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:11,834 You betcha. 266 00:12:13,167 --> 00:12:15,667 Man, this stuff is sucking my brain out 267 00:12:15,667 --> 00:12:17,167 Right through my face. 268 00:12:17,167 --> 00:12:18,667 Just hang in. 269 00:12:18,667 --> 00:12:21,167 She better let us go to that concert. 270 00:12:21,167 --> 00:12:22,334 She will. 271 00:12:22,334 --> 00:12:23,734 Ask her now. 272 00:12:23,734 --> 00:12:26,067 No. Wait till they've done her hair 273 00:12:26,067 --> 00:12:30,167 And she's got a buzz going from the spray. 274 00:12:37,033 --> 00:12:39,033 Oh, you were wide open, man! 275 00:12:39,033 --> 00:12:40,534 That was your shot! 276 00:12:41,734 --> 00:12:43,767 For 2 million bucks a year 277 00:12:43,767 --> 00:12:45,701 You'd think the guy could hire somebody 278 00:12:45,701 --> 00:12:47,400 To teach him how to shoot. 279 00:12:49,367 --> 00:12:50,567 No TV. 280 00:12:50,567 --> 00:12:53,200 I just came to show you my homework. 281 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:54,701 Did you finish it? 282 00:12:54,701 --> 00:12:56,200 Yeah. 283 00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:57,367 Long division. 284 00:12:57,367 --> 00:12:59,200 It's stupid. I'll never need it. 285 00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:00,701 I have a calculator. 286 00:13:00,701 --> 00:13:02,701 Now wait a minute, Deej. 287 00:13:02,701 --> 00:13:04,767 What if your batteries go dead? 288 00:13:04,767 --> 00:13:06,467 I'll buy new ones. 289 00:13:06,467 --> 00:13:08,801 O.k., say you're on a deserted island 290 00:13:08,801 --> 00:13:10,734 And there's no battery store 291 00:13:10,734 --> 00:13:14,734 And you got to split 300 coconuts between 7 people? 292 00:13:14,734 --> 00:13:15,968 Dad... 293 00:13:15,968 --> 00:13:17,400 It's your choice, Deej-- 294 00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:21,400 You can grow up to be gilligan or the professor. 295 00:13:24,734 --> 00:13:26,834 So what do I do now? 296 00:13:26,834 --> 00:13:28,400 It's a beautiful day outside. 297 00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:30,133 Go play. 298 00:13:30,133 --> 00:13:31,501 Can't I watch TV? 299 00:13:31,501 --> 00:13:33,234 No! 300 00:13:33,234 --> 00:13:34,400 O.k. 301 00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:39,934 You want to come with me? 302 00:13:39,934 --> 00:13:42,934 Uh, yeah. Maybe after the game. 303 00:13:42,934 --> 00:13:44,267 O.k. 304 00:13:47,767 --> 00:13:49,334 Deej, wait a minute. 305 00:13:49,334 --> 00:13:50,701 You're right. 306 00:13:50,701 --> 00:13:52,133 Let's go do something. 307 00:13:52,133 --> 00:13:53,634 What about the game? 308 00:13:53,634 --> 00:13:55,167 What you want to do? 309 00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:56,167 Watch TV. 310 00:13:56,167 --> 00:13:57,200 No! 311 00:13:57,200 --> 00:13:58,467 Come on, man! 312 00:13:58,467 --> 00:14:01,000 We're two guys on the loose. 313 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:03,267 There's a whole big world out there! 314 00:14:03,267 --> 00:14:06,200 Let's go wherever the wind blows us! 315 00:14:07,267 --> 00:14:09,767 Let me get my bowling shoes. 316 00:14:18,300 --> 00:14:19,634 End of the line. 317 00:14:19,634 --> 00:14:21,367 This was so cool, dad. 318 00:14:21,367 --> 00:14:22,901 Yeah. Didn't I tell you 319 00:14:22,901 --> 00:14:25,968 There was more things in the world than video games? 320 00:14:25,968 --> 00:14:28,501 Yeah. You can stop saying that. 321 00:14:28,501 --> 00:14:30,501 Here, give me your helmet. 322 00:14:30,501 --> 00:14:33,701 I wanted to bash some stuff with my head. 323 00:14:33,701 --> 00:14:37,100 That's a $200 helmet. Take it off first. 324 00:14:39,300 --> 00:14:41,300 Here, give me a hand 325 00:14:41,300 --> 00:14:43,634 Wiping all the mud off this beast. 326 00:14:43,634 --> 00:14:44,634 O.k. 327 00:14:46,334 --> 00:14:48,000 Big day for you, Deej. 328 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:50,000 You learned how to shoot pool, 329 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:51,501 You bowled your weight... 330 00:14:53,834 --> 00:14:56,434 You found out you got to spit sideways 331 00:14:56,434 --> 00:14:59,334 When you're riding on a motorcycle. 332 00:14:59,334 --> 00:15:01,300 Sure beats TV, huh? 333 00:15:01,300 --> 00:15:03,200 A little. 334 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:06,100 So tell me about this alison girl who likes you. 335 00:15:06,100 --> 00:15:08,167 I hate her! 336 00:15:08,167 --> 00:15:09,501 Sounds serious. 337 00:15:09,501 --> 00:15:11,067 No way! 338 00:15:11,067 --> 00:15:14,033 She's always bugging me, keeps trying to kiss me. 339 00:15:14,033 --> 00:15:16,834 Just like me when I was your age. 340 00:15:16,834 --> 00:15:18,701 Girls were drawn to me 341 00:15:18,701 --> 00:15:21,200 Like moths to a porch light. 342 00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:23,534 You got the Conner curse, son. 343 00:15:23,534 --> 00:15:25,133 So what do I do? 344 00:15:26,534 --> 00:15:28,567 Nothing. It goes away. 345 00:15:37,067 --> 00:15:39,767 Well, Mrs.. Conner, what do you think? 346 00:15:39,767 --> 00:15:42,367 Oh, I'm beautiful! 347 00:15:42,367 --> 00:15:45,534 I No longer have to think. 348 00:15:45,534 --> 00:15:46,734 You look great, mom. 349 00:15:46,734 --> 00:15:48,367 Yeah. Like our big sister 350 00:15:48,367 --> 00:15:50,033 Just got back from college. 351 00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:52,667 Well, you guys look gorgeous, too. 352 00:15:52,667 --> 00:15:56,834 We'll have to go get a picture so we can remember this. 353 00:15:56,834 --> 00:15:58,901 Oh, no. We'll remember. 354 00:15:58,901 --> 00:16:01,901 I think we should go over to woolworth's 355 00:16:01,901 --> 00:16:05,901 And try to smash all our hair into one photo booth. 356 00:16:05,901 --> 00:16:08,901 There could be a romantic evening in your future. 357 00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:11,434 Dad will go crazy when he sees you. 358 00:16:11,434 --> 00:16:13,400 Are you kidding? Look at me! 359 00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:15,634 I can do better than him. 360 00:16:15,634 --> 00:16:17,567 Mom, when's the last time 361 00:16:17,567 --> 00:16:20,601 You spent some time alone with dad? 362 00:16:20,601 --> 00:16:24,234 Well, Darlene, we really can't afford to go away. 363 00:16:24,234 --> 00:16:27,434 I know, but maybe you could spend a weekend at home 364 00:16:27,434 --> 00:16:29,267 And we could go away. 365 00:16:29,267 --> 00:16:31,901 D.J. Could sleep at a friend's house 366 00:16:31,901 --> 00:16:35,033 And Becky and I could take off for the weekend. 367 00:16:35,033 --> 00:16:37,501 Take off where? 368 00:16:37,501 --> 00:16:39,934 There's this concert in des moines 369 00:16:39,934 --> 00:16:41,067 Coming up. 370 00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:43,534 You want to go to this concert 371 00:16:43,534 --> 00:16:44,934 For the whole weekend? 372 00:16:44,934 --> 00:16:48,033 Yeah. You'd have the whole house to yourselves. 373 00:16:48,033 --> 00:16:49,767 Where would you stay? 374 00:16:49,767 --> 00:16:51,567 A motel room or something. 375 00:16:51,567 --> 00:16:52,968 No. 376 00:16:52,968 --> 00:16:53,968 Why? 377 00:16:53,968 --> 00:16:56,334 Because. No! 378 00:16:56,334 --> 00:16:58,901 If you really care about me and dad 379 00:16:58,901 --> 00:17:01,734 Having a weekend alone, take D.J. To grandma's. 380 00:17:01,734 --> 00:17:04,601 I'm sure she'd be really happy to see you. 381 00:17:04,601 --> 00:17:07,667 Oh, come on! 382 00:17:07,667 --> 00:17:10,100 No. You guys are way too young 383 00:17:10,100 --> 00:17:12,767 To go that long without an adult. 384 00:17:12,767 --> 00:17:14,067 This worked out great. 385 00:17:14,067 --> 00:17:15,400 Tell me about it. 386 00:17:21,300 --> 00:17:23,801 What does that mean, "worked out"? 387 00:17:26,801 --> 00:17:29,400 Nothing. Forget it. 388 00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:32,300 Oh, this whole thing was just some scam 389 00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:35,501 So you could go to some stupid concert, right? 390 00:17:35,501 --> 00:17:36,701 Damn it. 391 00:17:36,701 --> 00:17:38,234 Mom... 392 00:17:38,234 --> 00:17:39,434 I'll pay the bill. 393 00:17:39,434 --> 00:17:41,133 Meet me in the car. 394 00:17:52,834 --> 00:17:54,167 Come on, keep stirring it, Deej. 395 00:17:54,167 --> 00:17:55,701 My arm is tired. 396 00:17:55,701 --> 00:17:58,501 Well, if you don't keep stirring, it won't be chili. 397 00:17:58,501 --> 00:18:00,067 I don't even like chili. 398 00:18:00,067 --> 00:18:01,501 You like science, don't you? 399 00:18:01,501 --> 00:18:02,501 Yeah. 400 00:18:02,501 --> 00:18:03,734 Chili is science. 401 00:18:03,734 --> 00:18:04,767 How? 402 00:18:04,767 --> 00:18:05,968 It's chemistry. 403 00:18:05,968 --> 00:18:08,267 Chili represents your three states of matter-- 404 00:18:08,267 --> 00:18:10,868 Solid, liquid, and eventually gas. 405 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:13,634 Oh, my god-- 406 00:18:13,634 --> 00:18:15,200 It's the shirelles. 407 00:18:17,868 --> 00:18:20,033 Who? 408 00:18:20,033 --> 00:18:21,367 Disco. 409 00:18:22,868 --> 00:18:25,234 You guys have a good time? 410 00:18:25,234 --> 00:18:26,601 Just swell. 411 00:18:26,601 --> 00:18:29,534 I'm going to go wash this crap off my face. 412 00:18:29,534 --> 00:18:31,400 See, Deej, the good-looking ones 413 00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:33,033 Always have an attitude. 414 00:18:34,734 --> 00:18:35,734 Hey. 415 00:18:35,734 --> 00:18:36,734 Ooh! 416 00:18:36,734 --> 00:18:39,067 Flashback-- 417 00:18:39,067 --> 00:18:41,567 Prom night, 1969. 418 00:18:41,567 --> 00:18:44,400 And honey, even after all these years, 419 00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:47,000 You hair is still just as wide. 420 00:18:49,033 --> 00:18:51,868 Don't touch it, Dan. You'll dent it. 421 00:18:51,868 --> 00:18:54,067 I did my homework. 422 00:18:54,067 --> 00:18:55,367 You did? 423 00:18:55,367 --> 00:19:00,901 Oh, you sure can be a good kid sometimes. 424 00:19:00,901 --> 00:19:03,667 Is something wrong, Roseanne? 425 00:19:03,667 --> 00:19:05,734 No. Everything's fine. 426 00:19:05,734 --> 00:19:09,234 Deej, I want to talk to your mom for a minute. 427 00:19:09,234 --> 00:19:10,901 Go bug your sisters. 428 00:19:10,901 --> 00:19:12,601 Use real bugs. 429 00:19:14,100 --> 00:19:16,534 Becky and Darlene are in a mood. 430 00:19:16,534 --> 00:19:17,934 What's going on? 431 00:19:20,267 --> 00:19:21,367 Ohh... 432 00:19:21,367 --> 00:19:23,934 Quality time's for saps. 433 00:19:29,100 --> 00:19:31,601 That whole thing was just a set-up. 434 00:19:31,601 --> 00:19:35,667 They were just trying to get something out of me. 435 00:19:35,667 --> 00:19:38,601 Why'd they have to do that today? 436 00:19:41,767 --> 00:19:45,133 Oh, my god-- happy Halloween. 437 00:19:45,133 --> 00:19:47,133 What are you complaining about? 438 00:19:47,133 --> 00:19:48,634 You look better. 439 00:19:48,634 --> 00:19:50,200 Great plan, Becky. 440 00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:52,234 Me? You're the one who blew it. 441 00:19:52,234 --> 00:19:54,133 I didn't think she could hear. 442 00:19:54,133 --> 00:19:56,968 Are you kidding? She can hear us right now. 443 00:19:56,968 --> 00:19:59,534 Still, we spent the whole day together 444 00:19:59,534 --> 00:20:01,801 And she treats us like we're infants. 445 00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:04,133 [Dan knocks] come on out of there. 446 00:20:04,133 --> 00:20:05,968 As soon as we wipe off these clown faces. 447 00:20:05,968 --> 00:20:06,968 Now! 448 00:20:13,133 --> 00:20:14,133 Yeah? 449 00:20:14,133 --> 00:20:15,501 First of all, 450 00:20:15,501 --> 00:20:17,501 You going away for a weekend 451 00:20:17,501 --> 00:20:19,834 To a rock concert without an adult-- 452 00:20:19,834 --> 00:20:21,767 That was never going to happen 453 00:20:21,767 --> 00:20:22,834 No matter how you sucked up. 454 00:20:22,834 --> 00:20:24,067 Well, it's unanimous. 455 00:20:24,067 --> 00:20:26,501 Yeah. I guess that about wraps it up. 456 00:20:26,501 --> 00:20:28,434 I don't think so. 457 00:20:28,434 --> 00:20:30,067 O.k., we'll apologize to her 458 00:20:30,067 --> 00:20:31,601 Before she, like, explodes. 459 00:20:31,601 --> 00:20:33,601 She's not going to like, explode. 460 00:20:33,601 --> 00:20:37,167 She's too busy crying her eyes out. 461 00:20:37,167 --> 00:20:39,601 I'm the one you got to worry about. 462 00:20:39,601 --> 00:20:42,534 I'm very angry and I don't like you right now. 463 00:20:42,534 --> 00:20:44,601 So we should also apologize to you? 464 00:20:44,601 --> 00:20:45,734 Shut up. 465 00:20:47,133 --> 00:20:49,701 So I don't have to say it again, 466 00:20:49,701 --> 00:20:51,767 You shut up, too. 467 00:20:54,133 --> 00:20:56,601 You guys just don't get it. 468 00:20:56,601 --> 00:20:58,701 You see, she thought you were actually 469 00:20:58,701 --> 00:21:00,801 Going to do something nice for her... 470 00:21:00,801 --> 00:21:02,667 You know, like you cared. 471 00:21:02,667 --> 00:21:05,234 That would have been the very best thing 472 00:21:05,234 --> 00:21:07,534 You could have done for her today, 473 00:21:07,534 --> 00:21:10,100 But you just ruined it. 474 00:21:10,100 --> 00:21:12,234 Well, what should we do? 475 00:21:12,234 --> 00:21:13,968 Make it up to her. 476 00:21:13,968 --> 00:21:16,267 All right. We'll think of something. 477 00:21:16,267 --> 00:21:18,334 No. You had your chance. 478 00:21:18,334 --> 00:21:19,934 Now it's my turn. 479 00:21:29,467 --> 00:21:31,033 Stop. 480 00:21:31,033 --> 00:21:32,734 We're going out to dinner. 481 00:21:32,734 --> 00:21:35,634 No. I don't want to eat with those girls. 482 00:21:35,634 --> 00:21:38,033 I just want to go to bed. 483 00:21:38,033 --> 00:21:39,367 They're not coming. 484 00:21:39,367 --> 00:21:41,334 I'm punishing them. 485 00:21:41,334 --> 00:21:42,634 Whoa. 486 00:21:42,634 --> 00:21:46,434 Yes, and having to eat my chili is just the beginning. 487 00:21:46,434 --> 00:21:48,400 We'll decide the rest over dinner. 488 00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:49,934 Let's get changed. 489 00:21:49,934 --> 00:21:51,901 But they hate me, right? 490 00:21:51,901 --> 00:21:53,801 No, no. That's the beauty part-- 491 00:21:53,801 --> 00:21:55,400 They hate me. 492 00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:57,868 Oh, Dan, that's just great! 493 00:21:57,868 --> 00:21:59,667 Happy mother's day. 494 00:21:59,667 --> 00:22:03,467 Oh, man, this is so much better than some old robe! 495 00:22:12,334 --> 00:22:13,834 [Telephone rings] 496 00:22:16,167 --> 00:22:17,167 Hello. 497 00:22:17,167 --> 00:22:19,968 Yeah. Hi, bev. 498 00:22:19,968 --> 00:22:21,000 Oh, good. 499 00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:23,534 Rosie? The kids got to your mother's. 500 00:22:23,534 --> 00:22:24,534 They're fine. 501 00:22:24,534 --> 00:22:26,567 Great. 502 00:22:26,567 --> 00:22:29,267 Oh, no, you're welcome. They wanted to come. 503 00:22:29,267 --> 00:22:33,234 They're old enough to take a weekend trip by themselves. 504 00:22:33,234 --> 00:22:35,234 What's that noise? 505 00:22:35,234 --> 00:22:40,701 Oh, what a treat for the girls to meet your garden club! 506 00:22:40,701 --> 00:22:43,767 Does anyone there play the piano? 507 00:22:43,767 --> 00:22:44,767 Great. 508 00:22:44,767 --> 00:22:47,868 Darlene loves to sing show tunes. 509 00:22:47,868 --> 00:22:49,868 No, she's just being modest. 510 00:22:49,868 --> 00:22:51,033 Make her. 511 00:22:52,467 --> 00:22:55,701 Did you get your projector fixed? 512 00:22:55,701 --> 00:22:57,067 Grand. 513 00:22:57,067 --> 00:22:58,634 What's a weekend at grandma's 514 00:22:58,634 --> 00:23:01,634 Without all those wonderful vacation slides? 515 00:23:01,634 --> 00:23:02,801 No, no. 516 00:23:02,801 --> 00:23:05,067 We're just going to have a little 517 00:23:05,067 --> 00:23:06,567 Romantic weekend at home. 518 00:23:09,167 --> 00:23:10,567 All righty! 519 00:23:10,567 --> 00:23:12,868 Well, you enjoy your grandchildren. 520 00:23:12,868 --> 00:23:14,334 O.k. Bite me. 521 00:23:14,334 --> 00:23:17,400 Captioning performed by the national captioning institute, inc. 522 00:23:20,267 --> 00:23:23,534 Public performance of captions prohibited without permission of national captioning institute 34703

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