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1
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48 hours until the wedding
2
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Strip!
3
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Neck is sixteen and a half.
4
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Shoulder is twenty-two.
5
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And the sleeve is 25 and 5/8.
6
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I thought the rental tuxes were fine.
7
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They were not fine.
8
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(Spanish muttering)
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They were kind of stodgy, Brian.
10
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My little pepito Chase is not going to
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walk down the aisle in a cheap suit
12
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from some fat kid's bar mitzvah!
13
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You guys are the best!
14
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Of course we are.
15
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Pants!
16
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You can really make two tuxes
in just a couple of days?
17
00:00:55,950 --> 00:00:57,410
Sweetie, I once made an entire ball gown
18
00:00:57,660 --> 00:00:59,250
in four hours our of nothing but
19
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a shower curtain, crazy glue, and
20
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a box of fruity pebbles!
21
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We got this.
22
00:01:03,330 --> 00:01:04,580
Strip!
23
00:01:06,290 --> 00:01:09,290
Did Brian tell you how much fun
we had at his bachelor party?
24
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No. What did you crazy teachers get into?
25
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We went out for fondu!
26
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Really?
27
00:01:16,220 --> 00:01:17,720
Oh it was crazy, alright!
28
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I wanted to hire a stripper, but
Brian wouldn't let me.
29
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Pants!
30
00:01:21,250 --> 00:01:22,390
Do I have to?
31
00:01:23,310 --> 00:01:26,310
Chase, how did you of all people
end up with a shy fiancé?
32
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Opposites attract?
33
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They must.
34
00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:31,500
Francine, you should have called me.
35
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My gogo buddies would have loved
to give Brian his big send off!
36
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See Brian!
37
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That's what I was trying to avoid!
38
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Hell, I could have done it myself.
39
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Hey there-- tall, pale, and almost married.
40
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You want to get lucky one last
time before you tie the knot?
41
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I'm sorry, I'm taken.
42
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Really?
43
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What if I...?
44
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(whispers)
45
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Yep!
46
00:02:01,850 --> 00:02:04,100
Fittings over. I'm taking this stripper home!
47
00:02:05,060 --> 00:02:07,100
Do I want to know what you are doing?
48
00:02:07,100 --> 00:02:09,810
I'm just checking to make sure that
I can still carry him over the threshold.
49
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He's been putting on weight.
50
00:02:11,550 --> 00:02:14,150
You're up to what? One percent body fat now?
51
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We could have had strippers!
52
00:02:16,070 --> 00:02:21,990
It wouldn't matter. You'd never top the crazy bachelor
party that Fantasia is throwing for Chase tomorrow!
53
00:02:22,870 --> 00:02:25,500
What are you talking about?
You're the one planning the party!
54
00:02:25,750 --> 00:02:27,000
No, you said you wanted to.
55
00:02:27,250 --> 00:02:30,370
Yes but then you hit me with "Oh he's my
little pequito, I should be the one to..."
56
00:02:30,620 --> 00:02:32,920
Every time you break into Spanish
you know you're wrong!
57
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Guys! I don't need a bachelor party!
58
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You're having a party!
59
00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:39,050
Don't pass the buck on to me!
60
00:02:39,250 --> 00:02:44,890
I still can't believe it! In just two days
my little boy is getting married!
61
00:02:46,100 --> 00:02:49,100
We did it!
62
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Hey! I'm the one who proposed!
Don't I get any credit?
63
00:02:54,060 --> 00:02:56,820
Let them have the win.
They've been at this for a while.
64
00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:01,360
This is my wonderful son, Brian.
65
00:03:01,610 --> 00:03:04,330
And let me tell you, he is a CATCH!
66
00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:07,000
He's smart, funny, a good cook.
67
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But a little on the shy side.
68
00:03:09,550 --> 00:03:12,880
He's not shy! He just takes
a while to warm up to people
69
00:03:13,130 --> 00:03:15,630
So as soon as he graduated college
70
00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:19,420
My sister Rose and I introduced
him to the perfect girl!
71
00:03:19,670 --> 00:03:23,200
Sally Anne McGruber, the niece
of our next door neighbor.
72
00:03:23,450 --> 00:03:25,510
But she and Brian didn't hit it off.
73
00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:28,600
So then we tried Lucy Van Meersborgen.
74
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Also a swing and a miss.
75
00:03:30,350 --> 00:03:32,300
So then we tried Daisy
76
00:03:32,300 --> 00:03:33,000
Susie, Camille, Joanne
So then we tried Daisy
77
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Susie, Camille, Joanne
78
00:03:34,900 --> 00:03:35,550
Don't forget Erica.
79
00:03:35,650 --> 00:03:41,650
Jamie, Josie, Piper, Ashley, Emma,
Ava, Letticia, Felicia, Abigail...
80
00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:43,000
And Zoe!
81
00:03:43,250 --> 00:03:45,000
And Brian didn't go for any of them!
82
00:03:45,250 --> 00:03:48,950
Which is when I realized that we
might be barking up the wrong tree.
83
00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:52,300
And that's when we found Chase!
84
00:03:52,550 --> 00:03:54,540
He didn't make the best first impression.
85
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Says you!
86
00:03:56,000 --> 00:04:00,420
But then we got to talking. And he was sweet and funny.
87
00:04:00,460 --> 00:04:02,360
And he has the cutest little keyster.
88
00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:03,300
Not the point!
89
00:04:03,550 --> 00:04:05,010
But it doesn't hurt.
90
00:04:05,260 --> 00:04:09,060
Anyway, I knew. I just knew
91
00:04:09,310 --> 00:04:13,940
that this was the person who could
finally make my son happy!
92
00:04:19,280 --> 00:04:20,440
You've got the license?
93
00:04:20,690 --> 00:04:21,190
Yeah mom.
94
00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:22,820
And you double checked with the florist?
95
00:04:23,070 --> 00:04:23,470
Yep
96
00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:24,600
And with the limo driver?
97
00:04:24,700 --> 00:04:25,600
We're not getting a limo.
98
00:04:25,700 --> 00:04:26,200
What?
99
00:04:26,450 --> 00:04:28,350
Mom, we live three blocks from the church.
100
00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:29,300
We'll walk.
101
00:04:29,550 --> 00:04:31,150
You can't walk to your wedding!
102
00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:33,150
What about the tin cans!
103
00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:35,210
And the JUST MARRIED sign?
104
00:04:35,460 --> 00:04:38,250
Mom! Aunt Rose! We're walking.
105
00:04:39,840 --> 00:04:41,630
Okay.
106
00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:43,200
Wait! Chase!
107
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:46,100
I was making the seating plan for the reception...
108
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We have a seating plan?
109
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We do now.
110
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And you left all of your family off the guest list!
How many people do you think are coming?
111
00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:55,520
My family's not real big on gay weddings.
112
00:04:55,770 --> 00:04:57,900
But some will be there right?
113
00:04:58,700 --> 00:05:00,070
What about your dad?
114
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Dead.
115
00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:02,250
Your mom?
116
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Not yet. But here's hoping!
117
00:05:05,280 --> 00:05:07,750
Chase Hill! How can you say such a thing?
118
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Easy. I've met her.
119
00:05:09,850 --> 00:05:10,600
But...
120
00:05:10,750 --> 00:05:13,850
Mom. Aunt Rose. Drop it.
121
00:05:23,500 --> 00:05:26,500
Can you imagine not inviting
your mother to your wedding?
122
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Yeah, but it's what Chase wants.
123
00:05:28,150 --> 00:05:29,470
It's what he thinks he wants.
124
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Mae! You're not going to meddle, are you?
125
00:05:32,970 --> 00:05:33,930
Of course not.
126
00:05:34,170 --> 00:05:37,940
Even though it's going to throw
a pall over my son's perfect wedding.
127
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Where are you going?
128
00:05:39,690 --> 00:05:44,320
And it's the last chance that Chase
will have to makeup with his mom.
129
00:05:44,470 --> 00:05:45,100
Mae!
130
00:05:45,350 --> 00:05:50,280
And deep down, I know that Chase really misses her.
131
00:05:51,750 --> 00:05:53,200
So we're gonna meddle?
132
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Well Rose, if you insist!
133
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How's this one?
134
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:10,760
Don't you have anything more conservative?
135
00:06:11,010 --> 00:06:13,430
More conservative than this?
136
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Crazy!
137
00:06:14,950 --> 00:06:17,850
Mae? Rose?
138
00:06:18,770 --> 00:06:21,900
Chase! Good to see you!
139
00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:24,820
Sit down and have some bacon!
140
00:06:25,070 --> 00:06:25,780
Thanks!
141
00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:28,240
So how's Brian doing?
142
00:06:28,490 --> 00:06:32,620
There's a thing with the caterer.
143
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:35,800
But you know Brian, he's all over it.
144
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So what's the big secret?
145
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Secret?
146
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Last minute brunch? Just me?
147
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You two are up to something.
148
00:06:45,300 --> 00:06:45,800
Well...
149
00:06:46,050 --> 00:06:50,350
Rose and I just wanted to spend a little
time with you before the wedding.
150
00:06:50,700 --> 00:06:51,590
And that's all?
151
00:06:52,050 --> 00:06:53,430
Why so suspicious?
152
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Because I know you.
153
00:06:55,550 --> 00:06:57,150
I love you. But I know you.
154
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Stop being ridiculous.
155
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:00,500
You want some syrup with that?
156
00:07:00,750 --> 00:07:04,900
Mae and I sure are looking forward to the wedding.
157
00:07:05,150 --> 00:07:07,550
Yeah. I kind of got that.
158
00:07:07,550 --> 00:07:12,200
But it's such a shame that
your mother won't be there.
159
00:07:13,250 --> 00:07:14,700
So that's the big plan?
160
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:17,300
You guys are going to try and
talk me in to calling my mom?
161
00:07:17,550 --> 00:07:18,850
Of course not.
162
00:07:19,100 --> 00:07:21,400
But I think if you would just talk...
163
00:07:21,650 --> 00:07:24,100
My mom and I don't talk. We yell.
164
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I'll get it!
165
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Who's that?
166
00:07:29,050 --> 00:07:30,800
Well, I just thought...
167
00:07:31,050 --> 00:07:32,840
Tell me you didn't do this!
168
00:07:33,090 --> 00:07:35,140
You left me no choice!
169
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If you don't invite your mother to this
wedding she will never speak to you again!
170
00:07:39,750 --> 00:07:41,250
What did you tell her?
171
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That you're getting married, and
she needs to speak with you.
172
00:07:44,500 --> 00:07:47,000
Chase! How's my boy?
173
00:07:48,820 --> 00:07:51,110
I'm fine. Are you okay?
174
00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:54,110
And you must be Mrs. Davis.
175
00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:55,250
Call me Mae.
176
00:07:55,500 --> 00:07:58,120
Irene. Thank you so much for inviting me.
177
00:07:58,370 --> 00:08:02,120
I cannot believe this one was going to
get married and not even tell me!
178
00:08:02,370 --> 00:08:04,370
Well you know, Mom. The way we left things...
179
00:08:04,500 --> 00:08:06,920
And that's your excuse for not
inviting me to your wedding?
180
00:08:07,170 --> 00:08:08,800
I didn't think you would come.
181
00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:12,260
Chase, all I have ever wanted is to see you settle down and be happy.
182
00:08:12,510 --> 00:08:15,610
Really? You'll come to my wedding?
183
00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:17,430
Of course I will!
184
00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:19,890
Now come here you little rascal!
185
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:26,600
Mom, you don't know what this means to me.
186
00:08:26,850 --> 00:08:29,020
Okay, don't go blubbering on me.
187
00:08:29,270 --> 00:08:31,690
We've got a lot to catch up on.
188
00:08:31,940 --> 00:08:35,610
See! I knew that we could work this out.
189
00:08:35,860 --> 00:08:38,990
Welcome to the family Irene.
190
00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:40,870
Thank you, Mae!
191
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:41,750
Muffin?
192
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:43,000
Please!
193
00:08:43,910 --> 00:08:48,170
Now Mae, when do I get to meet
this wonderful daughter of yours?
194
00:08:51,670 --> 00:08:55,630
She doesn't have a daughter, mom.
I'm marrying her son, Brian.
195
00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:57,250
I see.
196
00:08:57,500 --> 00:09:00,600
So this is why you wanted me to talk to him.
197
00:09:00,850 --> 00:09:01,850
I was just hoping.
198
00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:03,600
It's all right. I will take care of it.
199
00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:07,900
Chase Hill, you are not going
to have this sham wedding.
200
00:09:08,150 --> 00:09:11,020
So call your little sex buddy
and tell him the jokes over.
201
00:09:11,270 --> 00:09:13,780
Mom, you can't just come in here and start...
202
00:09:14,030 --> 00:09:15,320
Oh yes I can!
203
00:09:15,470 --> 00:09:16,100
No, you can't!
204
00:09:16,100 --> 00:09:17,280
Want to bet?
205
00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:20,990
Does this Brian know what kind of man you are?
206
00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:22,580
Remember this?
207
00:09:26,250 --> 00:09:27,850
No. Not even you would do that.
208
00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:30,800
I will if it's the only way to stop
you from spitting in God's face!
209
00:09:30,900 --> 00:09:33,420
I'm not spitting at anybody!
I'm just getting married!
210
00:09:33,420 --> 00:09:35,050
Maybe we all need to just...
211
00:09:35,500 --> 00:09:38,900
There is no such thing as two men getting married.
212
00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:40,000
Well the Supreme Court disagrees.
213
00:09:40,250 --> 00:09:44,000
I love Brian. Just like you loved dad.
214
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:46,960
Bull pucky. Men don't love each other that way.
215
00:09:47,210 --> 00:09:49,700
And what's gonna happen when
the right girl comes along?
216
00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:51,270
There's never going to be a girl, mom.
217
00:09:51,370 --> 00:09:53,030
Why? Are you afraid of women?
218
00:09:53,130 --> 00:09:55,430
I like women fine. I just don't want to fuck them.
219
00:09:55,530 --> 00:09:56,030
Language!
220
00:09:56,130 --> 00:09:57,710
You asked!
221
00:09:58,410 --> 00:09:59,990
This is not my fault.
222
00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:02,280
Neither of your brothers turned out this way.
223
00:10:02,380 --> 00:10:04,540
Really? You wish that I'd turned
out like Tyler and Jackson?
224
00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:06,000
Do not judge your brothers!
225
00:10:06,100 --> 00:10:08,000
Tyler is making amends for his mistakes.
226
00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:09,600
He's finally married Charlene.
227
00:10:09,700 --> 00:10:11,630
Yeah, so that the prison would
give them conjugal visits.
228
00:10:11,730 --> 00:10:13,630
And Jackson and Brittany
are getting back together.
229
00:10:13,730 --> 00:10:14,550
No, they're not.
230
00:10:14,650 --> 00:10:15,750
Yes they are.
231
00:10:15,850 --> 00:10:17,920
No mom, that's what the restraining order means.
232
00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:19,090
I don't understand where I went wrong.
233
00:10:19,190 --> 00:10:20,370
It means they're not getting back together!
234
00:10:20,470 --> 00:10:21,430
When did you go wrong?
235
00:10:21,530 --> 00:10:24,100
I didn't go wrong. I've always been this way.
236
00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:26,900
That is a load of malarky and you know it!
237
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:30,050
What about that sweet little girl you were dating in sixth grade?
238
00:10:30,150 --> 00:10:31,940
Susie? Susie Cameron?
239
00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:33,940
Yes, sweet little Susie Cameron.
240
00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:36,090
You two were as thick as thieves.
241
00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:38,280
You dated a girl?
242
00:10:38,380 --> 00:10:41,380
No. I was only hanging out with Susie so that
I could mess around with her brother Jake
243
00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:43,230
And you were always so good at sports.
244
00:10:43,330 --> 00:10:46,530
No, mom. I was good at wrestling. Men's wrestling.
245
00:10:46,630 --> 00:10:48,550
And you even volunteered for the church choir!
246
00:10:48,650 --> 00:10:50,080
Because I was blowing all the tenors!
247
00:10:50,180 --> 00:10:51,930
Chase Hill! How can you say these things?
248
00:10:52,030 --> 00:10:54,290
You're the one who wanted to
take a stroll down memory lane.
249
00:10:54,390 --> 00:10:56,000
How did this happen?
250
00:10:56,250 --> 00:10:58,470
When did I lose my wonderful little boy?
251
00:10:58,570 --> 00:10:59,300
He's right here, mom.
252
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:00,880
You were always my angel.
253
00:11:00,980 --> 00:11:04,450
Out of the whole trouble making bunch,
you were always my perfect....
254
00:11:04,550 --> 00:11:09,230
Perfect? I was perfect until
you found that I like guys.
255
00:11:09,330 --> 00:11:10,840
And then you threw me out!
256
00:11:10,940 --> 00:11:13,260
I didn't throw you out! You ran away!
257
00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:17,660
No! You were the one who was shipping
me off to a de-gaying facility in South America!
258
00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:21,100
By strapping electrodes to my nuts?
259
00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:24,370
You could have at least tried it.
260
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:39,420
Fruit salad?
261
00:11:39,420 --> 00:11:39,460
They could have helped you!
Fruit salad?
262
00:11:39,460 --> 00:11:40,490
Fruit salad?
263
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,570
I am so sorry.
264
00:11:46,300 --> 00:11:48,110
I never have been able to get through to him.
265
00:11:48,260 --> 00:11:49,440
That's not exactly why...
266
00:11:49,450 --> 00:11:51,460
I suppose you've already talked to your son?
267
00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:53,190
Yes, we've chatted.
268
00:11:53,290 --> 00:11:57,400
And he's not willing to call off this
Satanic celebration of perversion, either.
269
00:11:57,500 --> 00:11:59,740
No, I don't believe he is.
270
00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:03,990
Well then, I guess it's up to us.
271
00:12:04,090 --> 00:12:07,450
Ladies, we have got a wedding to stop!
272
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,330
What do you think of this one, Mrs. Hill?
273
00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:15,170
Bigger!
274
00:12:15,730 --> 00:12:17,270
Where are they holding this so called wedding?
275
00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:17,460
First Metropolitan
Where are they holding this so called wedding?
276
00:12:17,460 --> 00:12:19,070
First Metropolitan
277
00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:20,960
You don't have to be so helpful!
278
00:12:21,060 --> 00:12:24,890
Florence, I want building plans.
I want to block every possible entrance.
279
00:12:24,990 --> 00:12:25,760
I'm on it.
280
00:12:25,860 --> 00:12:27,370
Wow. There are so many...
281
00:12:27,470 --> 00:12:29,970
Beauregard, we need more signs.
282
00:12:31,020 --> 00:12:34,850
Kevin! I want megaphones. Lots of megaphones.
283
00:12:34,950 --> 00:12:37,520
And more bodies! Hit the phones!
284
00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:42,490
I want every good Christian from here
to Liberty University at this protest!
285
00:12:42,590 --> 00:12:46,950
We are going to build a wall of
believers around that church!
286
00:12:50,250 --> 00:12:51,400
This is terrible!
287
00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:53,830
I know! And it's all our fault!
288
00:12:53,930 --> 00:12:55,190
OUR fault?
289
00:12:55,290 --> 00:12:58,400
I'm not the one who invited
Attila the Nun to brunch!
290
00:12:58,500 --> 00:12:59,880
We can assign blame later.
291
00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:02,630
Are you gonna help me save this wedding, or not?
292
00:13:02,730 --> 00:13:04,420
Of course I'm gonna help!
293
00:13:05,500 --> 00:13:07,890
But what are we going to do now?
294
00:13:08,140 --> 00:13:10,050
Well...
295
00:13:11,930 --> 00:13:13,290
What happened to you?
296
00:13:13,490 --> 00:13:14,890
Your mother.
297
00:13:15,090 --> 00:13:16,560
Do I want to know?
298
00:13:16,710 --> 00:13:20,480
No, but I'm in a bad mood now.
What are you going to do about it?
299
00:13:20,730 --> 00:13:23,030
Well...
300
00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:31,540
Yep. That will do it.
301
00:13:31,790 --> 00:13:34,790
Glad to know that I can
still put a smile on your face.
302
00:13:40,930 --> 00:13:43,250
How the hell did we end up together?
303
00:13:46,500 --> 00:13:48,000
What kind of question is that?
304
00:13:48,190 --> 00:13:50,400
I'm not complaining. It's just...
305
00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:52,850
You know, you're the life of the party.
306
00:13:54,020 --> 00:13:55,680
And you're the life of the library?
307
00:13:57,490 --> 00:13:58,890
Blame your mom.
308
00:13:59,090 --> 00:14:00,730
She made me go out with you.
309
00:14:00,830 --> 00:14:02,270
You could have said no.
310
00:14:02,370 --> 00:14:03,530
Are you kidding?
311
00:14:03,830 --> 00:14:06,070
She was flogging your picture
at every guy at the bar.
312
00:14:06,170 --> 00:14:08,820
Somebody had to go out with you just to shut her up.
313
00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:11,320
So you were just taking one for the team?
314
00:14:12,830 --> 00:14:14,580
Your picture was cute.
315
00:14:14,980 --> 00:14:17,710
And she told me some
interesting things about you.
316
00:14:17,810 --> 00:14:19,750
Oh, God. Do I want to know?
317
00:14:21,420 --> 00:14:24,630
Actually, she knows you better than you think.
318
00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:26,510
That's scary.
319
00:14:27,290 --> 00:14:30,550
Although she did leave out
the part about you being a top.
320
00:14:31,700 --> 00:14:34,460
Shit! We were supposed to
pick up the tuxes half an hour ago.
321
00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:37,320
If we don't get moving, we'll be
walking down the aisle naked.
322
00:14:37,420 --> 00:14:38,480
That could be fun.
323
00:14:38,580 --> 00:14:42,190
Not everyone is as comfortable
in their birthday suit as you are.
324
00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:45,280
My birthday suit is putting me
through art school.
325
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:57,540
Did you find out if Dennis is coming?
326
00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:00,250
I didn't invite him.
327
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,040
We talked about this.
328
00:15:02,290 --> 00:15:03,540
It would be weird.
329
00:15:03,650 --> 00:15:06,800
You lived with the guy for five years.
Not inviting him is weird.
330
00:15:09,010 --> 00:15:10,260
Fine. I'll call him later.
331
00:15:10,500 --> 00:15:12,720
Brian, the wedding's tomorrow. There is no later.
332
00:15:13,100 --> 00:15:15,060
But we still have to pick up the tuxes, and...
333
00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:17,890
Do it! That's an order!
334
00:15:18,300 --> 00:15:20,380
I'll ask. But he won't come.
335
00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:22,850
Tell him he can meet all my
hot stripper friends at the reception.
336
00:15:22,950 --> 00:15:24,150
Not helping.
337
00:15:25,940 --> 00:15:27,590
Voice mail. I'll call him tonight.
338
00:15:27,690 --> 00:15:29,530
You'll be at my bachelor party tonight.
339
00:15:29,780 --> 00:15:32,410
Your fiancé isn't supposed
to be at your bachelor party.
340
00:15:32,510 --> 00:15:33,660
That's the whole point.
341
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:35,870
It's my party. I can bring a date if I want.
342
00:15:35,970 --> 00:15:38,290
I don't think your stripper friends
will want me there.
343
00:15:38,540 --> 00:15:40,410
Seriously? They love you.
344
00:15:40,510 --> 00:15:43,580
Come on, Chase. What are we going to talk about?
345
00:15:44,580 --> 00:15:46,900
Where to get the best deals
on day glow jock straps?
346
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:48,900
Hey, I find things to talk about with your friends.
347
00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:50,900
Yeah, but my friends don't take off their..
348
00:15:53,900 --> 00:15:54,760
Hey mom.
349
00:15:56,510 --> 00:15:58,180
Yeah, we're home now.
350
00:15:58,430 --> 00:16:00,880
But we're about to go pick up the tuxes.
351
00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:04,600
Great! That's all I needed to know. Have fun!
352
00:16:04,850 --> 00:16:06,440
Okay, I can fix this.
353
00:16:06,540 --> 00:16:09,360
You keep Irene busy, and I'll deal with this lot.
354
00:16:09,460 --> 00:16:10,570
But how am I going to do that?
355
00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:11,740
Follow my lead.
356
00:16:14,110 --> 00:16:15,990
Back away from the altar!
357
00:16:16,090 --> 00:16:20,520
Do not attempt to exchange rings,
and come out with your hands up!
358
00:16:20,620 --> 00:16:24,170
Wow! You are certainly well organized.
359
00:16:24,270 --> 00:16:25,040
Thank you
360
00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:29,340
Rose and I think that you should
try talking to Chase again.
361
00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:30,090
We do?
362
00:16:30,500 --> 00:16:33,760
I have been yelling at that boy for years
and it hasn't changed a thing.
363
00:16:34,010 --> 00:16:36,260
Yes, but as a good mother...
364
00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:41,390
As a good mother, I will do
whatever it takes to save my boy's soul.
365
00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:45,100
Do you think the Lord is gonna
forgive an insult like this?
366
00:16:45,350 --> 00:16:48,270
Well, forgiving is sort of what he does. Right?
367
00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:52,500
The boys are home right now,
and Rose can take you over there.
368
00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:53,600
I can?
369
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:56,700
Right! And you can meet Brian.
370
00:16:56,950 --> 00:16:58,910
He's such a nice boy.
371
00:16:59,010 --> 00:17:01,290
Brian! Now there's an idea!
372
00:17:01,390 --> 00:17:05,430
If I can't talk sense into my boy,
I'll have to talk some into yours.
373
00:17:05,530 --> 00:17:06,580
What does that mean?
374
00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:10,710
Don't worry. I've got something
that will stop this so-called wedding.
375
00:17:10,810 --> 00:17:11,590
Let's go!
376
00:17:11,690 --> 00:17:13,720
Yeah, you and Rose run along!
377
00:17:13,970 --> 00:17:16,430
I'll hold down the fort here.
378
00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:20,310
Are you sure that you can stop all this?
379
00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:26,270
Give me twenty minutes, and I'll have them
marching in the next gay pride parade!
380
00:17:26,500 --> 00:17:28,060
I sure hope so.
381
00:17:28,250 --> 00:17:30,190
Are we doing this or what?
382
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:35,700
Nice work everybody!
383
00:17:35,950 --> 00:17:40,350
I'm Mae! Irene asked me to run things while she's out.
384
00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:41,660
Hi Mae!
385
00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:43,290
Hi!
386
00:17:43,540 --> 00:17:47,540
You have done such great work with these signs.
387
00:17:47,790 --> 00:17:51,040
But I'm a little concerned about our message.
388
00:17:51,290 --> 00:17:52,000
How so?
389
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:54,250
Well, like this sign than...
390
00:17:54,350 --> 00:17:55,340
Dale
391
00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:56,670
...Dale is making.
392
00:17:56,770 --> 00:17:59,390
Beautiful penmanship, by the way!
393
00:17:59,490 --> 00:18:00,180
Thank you!
394
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:02,430
But this quote from Leviticus.
395
00:18:02,530 --> 00:18:04,580
The one that says to kill all the gay people?
396
00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:05,890
Yeah, that one.
397
00:18:06,140 --> 00:18:08,940
Don't you think it's a little clunky?
398
00:18:08,940 --> 00:18:13,740
I mean, there are so many beautiful
and simple things in the Bible.
399
00:18:13,990 --> 00:18:15,970
Like, "Love thy neighbor'".
400
00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:17,280
She's right!
401
00:18:17,380 --> 00:18:18,900
It is way too long for a sign.
402
00:18:19,350 --> 00:18:21,800
God hates faggots?
403
00:18:21,900 --> 00:18:22,800
Much better!
404
00:18:22,900 --> 00:18:23,810
Nice work Dale!
405
00:18:23,910 --> 00:18:25,000
More signs everybody!
406
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:25,100
You're a great leader, Mae!
More signs everybody!
407
00:18:25,100 --> 00:18:27,000
You're a great leader, Mae!
408
00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:29,290
Chase Hill!
409
00:18:30,100 --> 00:18:31,840
You open this door right now!
410
00:18:31,940 --> 00:18:34,840
We are gonna talk about this affront to the Lord that you have planned!
411
00:18:35,420 --> 00:18:37,000
Maybe they're not home?
412
00:18:37,100 --> 00:18:38,050
Oh, they are home!
413
00:18:38,150 --> 00:18:40,430
You cannot avoid me young man!
414
00:18:41,590 --> 00:18:46,770
Stop whatever profane sex acts
you are engaged in and open this door!
415
00:18:47,020 --> 00:18:48,880
Maybe we should let ourselves in.
416
00:18:48,980 --> 00:18:50,440
You have a key?
417
00:18:52,770 --> 00:18:57,070
Chase! You stop your fornicating right now and...
418
00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:02,450
Chase!
419
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:05,200
Chase Hill
420
00:19:09,410 --> 00:19:12,790
Too bad, they're not here.
421
00:19:13,500 --> 00:19:15,380
This is their bedroom?
422
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:17,460
Yeah.
423
00:19:18,110 --> 00:19:21,750
But where is all the chains, and the whips?
424
00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:25,500
And black leather handcuffs
and swings and stuff?
425
00:19:26,150 --> 00:19:28,980
Brian's a teacher, not a dungeon master.
426
00:19:29,230 --> 00:19:31,210
They let a man like that near children!
427
00:19:31,460 --> 00:19:32,600
Yes.
428
00:19:32,850 --> 00:19:35,230
That's Brian.
429
00:19:38,300 --> 00:19:39,900
He doesn't look like a monster.
430
00:19:40,150 --> 00:19:43,310
That's my nephew you're talking about!
431
00:19:43,410 --> 00:19:46,660
Your nephew who is sodomizing my son!
432
00:19:46,910 --> 00:19:50,100
How do you know it's not the other way around?
433
00:19:53,300 --> 00:19:56,710
Well, at least he's got good taste in furniture.
I'll give him that.
434
00:19:57,750 --> 00:19:59,710
And he likes to keep his guns clean.
435
00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:01,300
Oh, yeah.
436
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:04,340
Brian is all about cleaning his gun.
437
00:20:05,890 --> 00:20:09,680
-Hello Rose?
-Two Four Six eight! God wants you to Procreate!
438
00:20:09,930 --> 00:20:14,830
No, I haven't got it sorted out yet.You're going
o have to keep her busy a while longer.
439
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:17,360
Chase Huntington Hill! You get back to the house right now!
440
00:20:17,610 --> 00:20:20,610
We are going to have a talk about
what I'm finding in your bedroom!
441
00:20:20,860 --> 00:20:23,240
I can't keep her here!
442
00:20:23,490 --> 00:20:24,990
The boys will come home eventually.
443
00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:29,200
--You're gonna have to think of something yourself!
-Chanting Protestors
444
00:20:29,300 --> 00:20:31,790
I've got my hands full here!
445
00:20:35,790 --> 00:20:39,000
Nice work everybody!
Why don't we take a break?
446
00:20:39,250 --> 00:20:41,750
Thanks Mae! You're the best!
447
00:20:41,750 --> 00:20:44,970
So I was just thinking about the Bible...
448
00:20:45,220 --> 00:20:46,260
Good book!
449
00:20:46,510 --> 00:20:47,500
Great book!
450
00:20:47,750 --> 00:20:51,350
But you know how we don't follow
every single instruction in it?
451
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:52,680
Of course we do!
452
00:20:52,830 --> 00:20:53,770
It's God's word!
453
00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:55,980
Well, take that quote from Leviticus.
454
00:20:56,230 --> 00:20:58,400
The one that says to kill all the faggots?
455
00:20:58,650 --> 00:21:04,700
We're all shouting out that verse.But we're
forgetting the ones that are all around it.
456
00:21:04,950 --> 00:21:06,040
Really? Like what?
457
00:21:06,290 --> 00:21:13,230
Like that part that says we have to stone to death
any woman who is not a virgin on her wedding night.
458
00:21:13,330 --> 00:21:15,000
-That's in there?
-Yes.
459
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:17,460
You know what this means?
460
00:21:17,710 --> 00:21:19,710
Yes! We have to change the way we...!
461
00:21:19,810 --> 00:21:22,630
God hates sluts!
462
00:21:23,300 --> 00:21:24,890
More signs everybody!
463
00:21:25,140 --> 00:21:27,090
Good job, Mae!
464
00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:30,760
Stop moving!
465
00:21:31,010 --> 00:21:32,020
You stuck me!
466
00:21:32,270 --> 00:21:34,100
Stop moving and I wouldn't have to!
467
00:21:34,350 --> 00:21:37,300
I appreciate the thought. But there is no way
that you guys can finish two tuxes...
468
00:21:37,550 --> 00:21:40,270
Brian! Never underestimate a
drag queen with a hot glue gun.
469
00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:41,230
They'll be done.
470
00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:42,230
Pins!
471
00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:43,400
Pins! Pins!
472
00:21:43,650 --> 00:21:45,250
Thank you, Gregory.
473
00:21:45,250 --> 00:21:46,860
Tomorrow, huh.
474
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:49,200
Who would have thought?
475
00:21:49,300 --> 00:21:53,870
Yes. I never thought that you would
wind up marrying a school teacher.
476
00:21:54,250 --> 00:21:55,750
What's that supposed to mean?
477
00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:59,420
It's just that you're so different from
the guys Chase used to date.
478
00:21:59,670 --> 00:22:02,960
I always thought you would end up
with Alejandro.You two had fire.
479
00:22:03,210 --> 00:22:03,800
Alehandro?
480
00:22:03,950 --> 00:22:05,340
We dated for a month.
481
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:07,340
Or Yohanne. With those blue eyes!
482
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:08,380
Or Sergei!
483
00:22:08,630 --> 00:22:13,480
You and Sergei were like two tigers!
484
00:22:13,630 --> 00:22:15,000
Hey! Right here.
485
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,600
Sorry, Brian. Just a bit of nostalgia.
486
00:22:17,850 --> 00:22:20,190
And we are so happy that you
and Chase found each other.
487
00:22:20,290 --> 00:22:21,230
Right?
488
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:26,280
Yeah. Chase dumped the exciting
supermodel to marry the stuck up school teacher.
489
00:22:26,530 --> 00:22:27,820
Yay!
490
00:22:28,500 --> 00:22:30,030
I'm really feeling the love here.
491
00:22:30,180 --> 00:22:33,660
Brian, you know that we adore you.
Otherwise we wouldn't tease you so.
492
00:22:35,290 --> 00:22:36,910
Yeah, we love you.
493
00:22:37,390 --> 00:22:39,210
(Spanish muttering.)
494
00:22:39,500 --> 00:22:45,170
It's just weird to see Chase
with someone so different.
495
00:22:45,420 --> 00:22:46,450
Meaning?
496
00:22:46,550 --> 00:22:49,840
Meaning all his other boyfriends
were hotter than you. Duh.
497
00:22:50,090 --> 00:22:51,260
And wilder!
498
00:22:51,360 --> 00:22:52,500
They were a tad less uptight
499
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:54,300
They were all fucking crazy.
500
00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:57,310
So you have been a wonderful surprise, Brian.
501
00:22:57,560 --> 00:22:59,390
And if you're happy, we're happy.
502
00:22:59,490 --> 00:23:00,600
Right
503
00:23:00,700 --> 00:23:04,360
Yeah. Sure. Thrilled.
504
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:08,050
I don't understand why you guys are
even getting married. It's obsolete.
505
00:23:08,150 --> 00:23:09,280
This should be good.
506
00:23:09,380 --> 00:23:12,700
You do know that there's this
thing called Grindr, right?
507
00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:14,700
Sex anytime you want.
508
00:23:14,900 --> 00:23:16,870
It's easier than ordering pizza.
509
00:23:16,970 --> 00:23:18,750
And what do you know about Grindr? You're underage!
510
00:23:18,850 --> 00:23:20,370
I turn 18 next month.
511
00:23:20,470 --> 00:23:22,370
And until then I can window shop.
512
00:23:23,370 --> 00:23:25,290
This one is going to be my birthday present.
513
00:23:26,050 --> 00:23:29,050
You might want to pick something
with training wheels first!
514
00:23:29,300 --> 00:23:33,260
And Greg, the best part about sex
is actually the pillow talk afterwards.
515
00:23:33,510 --> 00:23:36,430
Bullshit. Talking is what I have friends for.
516
00:23:36,530 --> 00:23:37,770
Oh. You have friends?
517
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:41,440
You're honestly telling me that
you would rather have THAT
518
00:23:41,690 --> 00:23:43,250
for the rest of your life
519
00:23:43,500 --> 00:23:46,830
When you could be having all of THIS?
520
00:23:48,030 --> 00:23:48,780
Yes.
521
00:23:49,030 --> 00:23:52,240
Bullshit. I give this two years max.
522
00:23:52,490 --> 00:23:54,310
What do you know? Two years ago you were in braces?
523
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:55,750
Funny
524
00:23:55,950 --> 00:23:59,040
How long did you and Dennis last?
525
00:23:59,290 --> 00:24:00,750
How do you know about Dennis?
526
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:04,670
I live next door to your mom, and
she talks with the windows open.
527
00:24:04,770 --> 00:24:06,250
It's not polite to eavesdrop, Gregory.
528
00:24:06,350 --> 00:24:08,170
I can't help having ears.
529
00:24:08,270 --> 00:24:09,260
What do you know about Dennis?
530
00:24:09,260 --> 00:24:11,300
-Hey!
--You never talk about him.
531
00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:13,090
The kid knows more than I do!
532
00:24:13,340 --> 00:24:15,680
Can't I just have a mysterious past?
533
00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:17,150
No.
534
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:18,100
Spill.
535
00:24:18,250 --> 00:24:21,380
Dennis dumped him for this hot blond trainer.
536
00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:23,190
Who actually had a really nice butt...
537
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:24,900
Ow! What the fuck!
538
00:24:25,150 --> 00:24:26,560
How clumsy of me!
539
00:24:26,710 --> 00:24:28,000
You've been such a big help, Gregory.
540
00:24:28,100 --> 00:24:29,230
But now you have to go.
541
00:24:29,330 --> 00:24:30,570
Bye bye.
542
00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:34,470
Have fun on Grindr. I'm sure it's going to be amazing.
543
00:24:34,470 --> 00:24:37,200
Okay, let's talk about hats.
544
00:24:37,450 --> 00:24:39,690
Yes! You see it?
545
00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:42,240
Mae! Have you fixed things yet?
546
00:24:42,490 --> 00:24:44,170
I'm working on it!
547
00:24:44,420 --> 00:24:48,500
Work faster! Brian and Chase are
bound to come home sometime.
548
00:24:48,750 --> 00:24:52,010
And Lord knows what this woman will
find if she keeps poking around.
549
00:24:52,260 --> 00:24:55,660
I know there's a sex dungeon around here someplace
550
00:24:55,710 --> 00:24:56,760
Then get her out of the house.
551
00:24:56,860 --> 00:24:58,890
How am I supposed to do that?
552
00:24:58,990 --> 00:25:01,640
Tell her the boys have gone to the florist.
553
00:25:01,890 --> 00:25:04,770
You want me to lie!
554
00:25:05,020 --> 00:25:06,840
It's for the greater good, Rose.
555
00:25:07,050 --> 00:25:09,000
What florist should I take her to?
556
00:25:09,250 --> 00:25:11,480
It doesn't matter! They won't be there!
557
00:25:16,810 --> 00:25:18,200
Irene?
558
00:25:19,110 --> 00:25:21,540
Mae says that Brian's at the florist.
559
00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:23,960
And we can catch him if we leave right now.
560
00:25:24,060 --> 00:25:29,000
Perfect. Give me five minutes with that
boy and I'll put an end to all this nonsense.
561
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:32,050
Hey everybody!
562
00:25:32,300 --> 00:25:34,510
Why don't we take a break and have some cookies.
563
00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:36,630
Thanks Mae! You're the best!
564
00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:40,710
I was thinking how the Bible is like my Uncle Jake.
565
00:25:40,810 --> 00:25:41,970
How's that?
566
00:25:42,070 --> 00:25:45,430
My family all loves Uncle Jake.
567
00:25:45,530 --> 00:25:49,440
And sometimes he'll say
something really profound.
568
00:25:49,540 --> 00:25:51,520
But there are other times, like when
569
00:25:51,620 --> 00:25:56,240
when he starts talking about Vietnamese
hookers in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner
570
00:25:56,340 --> 00:26:00,620
and someone has to tell him
to shut up and pass the gravy.
571
00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:02,950
Do you see what I mean?
572
00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:05,060
-No
-Not a clue.
573
00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:07,710
I'm saying we can love the Bible.
574
00:26:07,810 --> 00:26:11,210
And there are some good
lessons we can take from it.
575
00:26:11,310 --> 00:26:16,810
But there are times we need to tell
the Bible to just pass the gravy!
576
00:26:16,910 --> 00:26:17,880
Like when?
577
00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:21,450
Like when it's talking about how great slavery is.
578
00:26:21,550 --> 00:26:23,220
The Bible does that?
579
00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:24,140
Yep.
580
00:26:24,380 --> 00:26:25,600
Where?
581
00:26:25,890 --> 00:26:28,210
Pretty much all the way through.
582
00:26:28,310 --> 00:26:33,610
There's even a part that says how hard
you're allowed to hit your slave with a stick.
583
00:26:33,860 --> 00:26:35,110
How hard?
584
00:26:35,360 --> 00:26:36,860
Pretty hard.
585
00:26:37,110 --> 00:26:40,740
If the slave doesn't die
within a day after the beating
586
00:26:40,990 --> 00:26:44,370
Exodus says that God's okay with it!
587
00:26:44,370 --> 00:26:46,650
--Really?
--Yeah
588
00:26:46,750 --> 00:26:48,120
You know what this means?
589
00:26:48,220 --> 00:26:51,670
Yes! Since none of us want slavery...
590
00:26:51,770 --> 00:26:54,300
God is on the side of the Confederacy!
591
00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:55,630
I knew it!
592
00:26:55,730 --> 00:26:57,210
God hates Yankees!
593
00:26:57,460 --> 00:26:58,410
No! That's not the point!
594
00:26:58,510 --> 00:27:00,930
New signs everybody!
595
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:08,630
Don't get too comfortable.
596
00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:11,310
We've still got to go get the cake,
and the extra chairs, and..
597
00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:14,000
Who knew weddings were so complicated?
598
00:27:14,250 --> 00:27:15,780
Everybody.
599
00:27:16,870 --> 00:27:18,860
(Phone ringing)
600
00:27:19,110 --> 00:27:21,610
Okay, who has been calling you all day?
601
00:27:24,350 --> 00:27:24,990
Your mom?
602
00:27:26,380 --> 00:27:27,040
Yeah.
603
00:27:27,290 --> 00:27:29,580
And your mom started this.
604
00:27:29,830 --> 00:27:31,440
Shouldn't you at least talk to her?
605
00:27:31,540 --> 00:27:32,290
We talked.
606
00:27:32,740 --> 00:27:35,000
Well, we yelled.
607
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:35,130
It's just like always.
Well, we yelled.
608
00:27:35,130 --> 00:27:37,550
It's just like always.
609
00:27:39,260 --> 00:27:42,160
There must have been some time when you got along.
610
00:27:42,260 --> 00:27:44,470
Sure. We used to be thick as thieves.
611
00:27:44,970 --> 00:27:48,100
Right up until she found out who I really am.
612
00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:50,000
I know it's hard,..
613
00:27:50,100 --> 00:27:51,310
No you don't.
614
00:27:51,410 --> 00:27:53,690
You got real fucking lucky with your family.
615
00:27:53,790 --> 00:27:54,450
Yeah, but...
616
00:27:54,550 --> 00:27:55,810
But nothing.
617
00:27:56,100 --> 00:27:58,210
I had one person.
618
00:27:58,460 --> 00:28:01,100
One person who made me feel safe.
619
00:28:01,900 --> 00:28:04,200
Who was supposed to love me no matter what.
620
00:28:05,120 --> 00:28:06,870
And then she didn't.
621
00:28:08,910 --> 00:28:10,500
She's still family.
622
00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:12,080
You're my family, now.
623
00:28:13,330 --> 00:28:17,000
Mr... Davis-Hill?
624
00:28:17,210 --> 00:28:18,880
Is that what it is?
625
00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:21,260
Hill-Davis
626
00:28:22,590 --> 00:28:24,330
Let's wrestle for it!
627
00:28:25,510 --> 00:28:27,010
Afraid you'll lose?
628
00:28:27,110 --> 00:28:28,160
No.
629
00:28:28,260 --> 00:28:30,980
But I know how wrestling matches
with you always end.
630
00:28:31,180 --> 00:28:31,930
And...?
631
00:28:32,130 --> 00:28:34,170
And then we won't have time to get the cake.
632
00:28:34,270 --> 00:28:36,510
Or the extra chairs or everything else.
633
00:28:36,510 --> 00:28:38,690
Yeah, rush rush rush.
634
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:43,070
You're the one who started this.
635
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:44,200
Yeah.
636
00:28:46,700 --> 00:28:48,980
If I hadn't proposed first, would you have asked me?
637
00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:50,330
Yes.
638
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:54,850
It might have taken longer, but I would have.
639
00:28:55,100 --> 00:28:57,250
Longer like a couple months? A couple years?
640
00:28:57,500 --> 00:28:58,600
I don't know.
641
00:28:58,850 --> 00:29:00,530
Why? Does it matter?
642
00:29:06,300 --> 00:29:11,000
What about this one that says we have
to kill any child who curses his parents?
643
00:29:11,220 --> 00:29:12,980
God hates mouthy teenagers!
644
00:29:13,230 --> 00:29:16,000
And this part that says we can't sell land?
645
00:29:16,230 --> 00:29:18,060
God hates real estate agents!
646
00:29:18,310 --> 00:29:24,740
And this part that says the blind
and deaf are not allowed in church?
647
00:29:26,990 --> 00:29:27,780
New signs!
648
00:29:28,030 --> 00:29:30,030
God hates the handicapped!
649
00:29:38,100 --> 00:29:40,390
I cannot believe we missed them again.
650
00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:41,500
Yeah.
651
00:29:41,750 --> 00:29:43,760
I mean, that's bad luck.
652
00:29:44,010 --> 00:29:45,750
We missed them at the florist
653
00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:48,010
and the bakers, and the caterers.
654
00:29:48,260 --> 00:29:53,060
It's almost like those boys were deliberately
leading us on a wild goose chase.
655
00:29:53,310 --> 00:29:55,980
I can see how it might seem that way.
656
00:29:56,230 --> 00:29:58,020
What is it that you want to tell Brian?
657
00:29:58,270 --> 00:29:59,770
I don't want to say.
658
00:30:00,020 --> 00:30:02,070
It's too embarrassing.
659
00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:05,860
But it would certainly put an end
to all this crazy marriage talk.
660
00:30:06,090 --> 00:30:07,860
At least we've got a plan B.
661
00:30:08,110 --> 00:30:10,410
I'd better go back and rally the troops.
662
00:30:10,660 --> 00:30:11,780
No!
663
00:30:13,500 --> 00:30:17,000
You've had a long day.
664
00:30:17,250 --> 00:30:20,670
I think you should stay and catch your breath.
665
00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:24,380
Thank you, Rose.
666
00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:26,920
You're a good friend.
667
00:30:27,500 --> 00:30:28,970
I sure try to be.
668
00:30:30,100 --> 00:30:31,300
Is this your husband?
669
00:30:32,180 --> 00:30:36,140
No, that's Arthur. Mae's husband.
670
00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:38,480
He passed a few years back.
671
00:30:38,730 --> 00:30:40,190
I'm sorry to hear that.
672
00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:42,980
And this is Brian?
673
00:30:43,500 --> 00:30:47,740
Yes. The year he dressed up
like a cowboy for Halloween.
674
00:30:48,510 --> 00:30:50,410
He always was such a cute little fella.
675
00:30:50,510 --> 00:30:52,030
Boys are great at that age.
676
00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:54,120
So full of promise and wonder.
677
00:30:54,370 --> 00:30:55,760
You have any kids, Rose?
678
00:30:55,910 --> 00:30:57,360
No, I never got married.
679
00:30:58,000 --> 00:30:59,790
Couldn't find a man you could stand?
680
00:31:01,380 --> 00:31:03,630
Well, there was a boy I liked in high school.
681
00:31:03,630 --> 00:31:08,510
But I was shy, and he married someone else.
682
00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:12,550
And then all of a sudden I'm an old maid.
683
00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:14,050
I'm sorry.
684
00:31:14,300 --> 00:31:16,270
Oh, it all worked out well.
685
00:31:17,190 --> 00:31:19,390
Brian's been a wonderful nephew.
686
00:31:19,940 --> 00:31:23,780
And I like to think I had a hand
in why he turned out so well.
687
00:31:24,030 --> 00:31:26,230
He didn't turn out that well, Rose.
688
00:31:26,580 --> 00:31:27,900
He's a sodomite
689
00:31:27,900 --> 00:31:28,610
Hey!
690
00:31:28,860 --> 00:31:30,820
Don't get your panties in a twist.
691
00:31:31,070 --> 00:31:32,620
So is mine
692
00:31:32,870 --> 00:31:34,310
We both screwed up.
693
00:31:34,310 --> 00:31:35,910
Irene!
694
00:31:37,750 --> 00:31:40,250
Did you ever consider...
695
00:31:40,500 --> 00:31:42,370
for just one crazy moment
696
00:31:42,620 --> 00:31:44,380
that maybe we didn't?
697
00:31:44,630 --> 00:31:47,170
They're both nice boys.
698
00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:50,470
And they make each other so happy!
699
00:31:50,720 --> 00:31:54,350
You know what else makes people happy, Rose?
700
00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:56,760
Crystal Meth!
701
00:31:57,010 --> 00:31:59,020
It doesn't mean it's good for you!
702
00:31:59,270 --> 00:32:01,520
It's not quite the same thing.
703
00:32:02,150 --> 00:32:03,600
You think my boy is so great?
704
00:32:03,850 --> 00:32:04,980
Yes.
705
00:32:05,230 --> 00:32:06,770
Take a look at that.
706
00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:12,610
It's what I've been trying
to show your nephew all day.
707
00:32:17,950 --> 00:32:19,500
Is this real?
708
00:32:20,290 --> 00:32:21,500
Yep.
709
00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:26,380
You think your Brian knows about this?
710
00:32:26,630 --> 00:32:28,380
I don't think so.
711
00:32:29,090 --> 00:32:32,090
Help me Obi-Rose Kenobi! You're my only hope!
712
00:32:32,340 --> 00:32:35,010
Rose, we are so sorry to burst in
unannounced, but it's an emergency.
713
00:32:35,260 --> 00:32:37,750
Salsa! Fantasia!
714
00:32:38,180 --> 00:32:40,810
What a great surprise!
715
00:32:41,060 --> 00:32:42,500
Too bad you can't stay.
716
00:32:42,500 --> 00:32:44,900
I know. It is so great to see us.
And what are you wearing?
717
00:32:45,150 --> 00:32:49,000
I'll call 911. Hello? This is a fashion emergency!
718
00:32:49,150 --> 00:32:50,190
Rose?
719
00:32:51,300 --> 00:32:53,500
Aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?
720
00:32:53,750 --> 00:32:55,200
Of course.
721
00:32:55,450 --> 00:33:00,290
Irene, this is Ms. Fantasia Extravaganza.
722
00:33:00,540 --> 00:33:03,600
Fantasia, this is Mrs. Irene Hill.
723
00:33:03,850 --> 00:33:04,620
Charmed.
724
00:33:04,870 --> 00:33:08,000
And this is Miss Salsa Rojah. Mrs. Hill.
725
00:33:08,100 --> 00:33:09,020
Yeah. Charmed.
726
00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:11,010
So Rose, we were on our way to the party...
727
00:33:11,110 --> 00:33:13,910
And I broke the strap on my stupid knock offs!
728
00:33:14,010 --> 00:33:16,840
$29.95. You'd think that they could
glue on a little piece of plastic!
729
00:33:16,940 --> 00:33:18,300
And my shoes are too large for her.
730
00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:22,390
And I remembered that you
have those sexy gogo boots!
731
00:33:22,980 --> 00:33:25,770
And how do you know each other?
732
00:33:26,700 --> 00:33:29,860
These ladies are part of my church group.
733
00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:38,680
We meet every Sunday morning. Right?
734
00:33:38,930 --> 00:33:41,620
-I guess
-If you count Denny's after the bar.
735
00:33:41,870 --> 00:33:43,790
And what church is that?
736
00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:46,120
I would love to stay and help you with these...
737
00:33:46,370 --> 00:33:47,500
"outfits"?
738
00:33:47,750 --> 00:33:51,840
But we have to get to the party. Please Rose!
Those sexy gogo boots!
739
00:33:52,090 --> 00:33:55,250
I don't know what you're talking about!
I don't have anything like...
740
00:33:55,350 --> 00:33:58,180
Of course you do! Let's go to your closet...
741
00:33:58,280 --> 00:33:58,890
No!
742
00:33:59,140 --> 00:34:00,550
I'll get them.
743
00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:05,430
You all just stay right here.
744
00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:11,650
I don't know.
745
00:34:16,700 --> 00:34:20,060
Those certainly are interesting
outfits you have on.
746
00:34:20,210 --> 00:34:21,660
Thank you!
747
00:34:22,200 --> 00:34:23,910
And I love your...
748
00:34:26,210 --> 00:34:27,410
Your....
749
00:34:28,710 --> 00:34:30,170
Your very natural hair color.
750
00:34:30,420 --> 00:34:31,340
Yes
751
00:34:32,930 --> 00:34:33,000
Thank you
752
00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:36,260
So you ladies are going to a party tonight?
753
00:34:36,510 --> 00:34:39,470
No. We are throwing a party tonight.
754
00:34:39,720 --> 00:34:43,060
The biggest fiesta this
little town has ever seen!
755
00:34:43,210 --> 00:34:45,560
We rented out all of club Michael!
756
00:34:45,660 --> 00:34:48,100
There are going to be dancing boys, and pinatas.
757
00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:50,060
And foam spraying out of a giant...
758
00:34:50,160 --> 00:34:51,310
I told you not to get that!
759
00:34:51,410 --> 00:34:52,860
It will be fun!
760
00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:54,880
It will be memorable. I'll give you that.
761
00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:57,780
It's the bachelor party for our friend Chase.
762
00:34:58,200 --> 00:35:01,160
Chase? Chase Hill?
763
00:35:01,620 --> 00:35:02,530
You know him?
764
00:35:02,780 --> 00:35:04,700
I am his mother!
765
00:35:05,660 --> 00:35:07,410
The mother!
766
00:35:07,660 --> 00:35:10,000
It is so nice to meet you!
767
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:11,710
So you're coming to the wedding?
768
00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:13,380
Oh, I will be there.
769
00:35:13,670 --> 00:35:15,420
Chase will love that!
770
00:35:15,670 --> 00:35:19,590
I will be there to stop him from
defiling the holy sacrament of marriage.
771
00:35:21,930 --> 00:35:23,300
Listen, grandma.
772
00:35:23,550 --> 00:35:26,430
Chase is my little pequito.
773
00:35:26,680 --> 00:35:28,890
And if you do anything to fuck up his big day I will..
774
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:30,480
(rapid Spanish)
775
00:35:33,150 --> 00:35:36,730
What my protogé was trying to say is that
we would love to have you at the wedding.
776
00:35:36,980 --> 00:35:38,240
However. Comma.
777
00:35:38,490 --> 00:35:41,320
I'd leave that antiquated homophobic
bullshit at the door.
778
00:35:41,570 --> 00:35:45,580
If you think that I am going to let
you and your degenerate friends...
779
00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:48,000
...use my son to defile the holy sacrament of...
780
00:35:48,100 --> 00:35:49,440
Have you even met his fiancé?
781
00:35:49,540 --> 00:35:50,960
Check your tone when you're talking to me.
782
00:35:51,060 --> 00:35:52,960
You tarted up whore in a cheap dress!
783
00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:56,090
Cheap?
784
00:35:57,600 --> 00:35:59,000
Cheap
785
00:36:01,100 --> 00:36:02,260
I see.
786
00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:03,510
Salsa.
787
00:36:03,660 --> 00:36:04,640
Yes, Fantasia
788
00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:07,220
Hold my fan.
789
00:36:09,020 --> 00:36:10,890
I think these are the ones you mean.
790
00:36:10,990 --> 00:36:12,100
What the hell?
791
00:36:12,100 --> 00:36:14,400
Twenty bucks says that Fantasia
knocks her out in one punch!
792
00:36:14,500 --> 00:36:15,560
No!
793
00:36:15,660 --> 00:36:17,440
Come on! I'll give you two to one odds!
794
00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:23,100
I'm so sorry that you have to leave. But
I know that you have a busy social life.
795
00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:26,070
No! I want to stay and watch Fantasia knock the..
796
00:36:26,170 --> 00:36:27,990
Maybe next time.
797
00:36:37,130 --> 00:36:39,920
Rose, is there something you want to tell me?
798
00:36:40,370 --> 00:36:41,200
No.
799
00:36:41,750 --> 00:36:43,090
Then I will ask.
800
00:36:44,100 --> 00:36:46,350
Do you perhaps have some friends who are...
801
00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:48,930
...women of loose morals?
802
00:36:49,970 --> 00:36:50,970
Maybe.
803
00:36:51,670 --> 00:36:52,940
But so did Jesus.
804
00:36:54,850 --> 00:36:56,400
You got me there.
805
00:36:58,570 --> 00:37:02,140
Irene, I think we need to talk
about Brian and Chase.
806
00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:03,570
We do not have time.
807
00:37:03,820 --> 00:37:07,410
I just found out where that nephew of yours will be tonight!
808
00:37:09,550 --> 00:37:11,530
Mae! Please tell me you've fixed things!
809
00:37:11,630 --> 00:37:13,710
God hate's bankers! I knew it!
810
00:37:13,810 --> 00:37:15,210
I'm working on it!
811
00:37:15,410 --> 00:37:17,130
And people with tattoos!
812
00:37:17,230 --> 00:37:20,170
God hates people with tattoos.
813
00:37:20,300 --> 00:37:21,530
And masturbators!
814
00:37:21,630 --> 00:37:22,420
What?
815
00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:25,130
It says right here. God hates masturbators!
816
00:37:25,230 --> 00:37:26,000
Really?
817
00:37:26,100 --> 00:37:27,010
Yeah.
818
00:37:27,110 --> 00:37:30,060
Why are you so concerned about that, Dale?
819
00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:31,140
No reason.
820
00:37:31,240 --> 00:37:33,310
Because it's not like I've ever...
821
00:37:33,410 --> 00:37:37,310
I mean, no one here has ever...?
822
00:37:37,410 --> 00:37:39,440
Not even once?
823
00:37:39,540 --> 00:37:40,860
More signs!
824
00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:43,440
God hates masturbators!
825
00:37:58,100 --> 00:37:59,000
Chase and Brian!
826
00:37:59,150 --> 00:37:59,900
There you are!
827
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:01,630
Yes. We are here.
828
00:38:01,730 --> 00:38:03,800
So these are your...
829
00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:07,500
Yes. When you invite my hot stripper
friends to a party, this is what happens.
830
00:38:08,500 --> 00:38:09,140
You like?
831
00:38:09,390 --> 00:38:11,890
Garçon Model. Our underwear sponsor.
832
00:38:12,140 --> 00:38:14,060
Our bachelor party has an underwear sponsor?
833
00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:15,890
Open bars don't pay for themselves.
834
00:38:15,990 --> 00:38:17,980
Particularly if this one is drinking.
835
00:38:18,230 --> 00:38:20,020
Brian!
836
00:38:20,270 --> 00:38:21,860
I'm having so much fun!
837
00:38:21,960 --> 00:38:22,610
Shelly?
838
00:38:22,710 --> 00:38:25,590
I'm sorry! That hot bartender offered
her a "screaming orgasm"...
839
00:38:25,690 --> 00:38:27,100
And she has been downing them like water!
840
00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:28,310
These things are the best!
841
00:38:28,410 --> 00:38:30,740
Look! I'm having multiple orgasms!
842
00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:31,530
Give me those!
843
00:38:31,630 --> 00:38:34,620
Francine, Carter. You're here, too?
844
00:38:34,720 --> 00:38:38,420
Yes. I thought that you'd like to have some
of your boring school teacher friends here.
845
00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:41,920
So that you can all ready books,
while the rest of us have fun.
846
00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:46,260
So this is what a gay bachelor party is like.
847
00:38:46,510 --> 00:38:48,000
Interesting.
848
00:38:48,100 --> 00:38:50,680
I know. Have you seen the guys at this party?
849
00:38:50,780 --> 00:38:53,220
Brian, you have to get married more often.
850
00:38:53,470 --> 00:38:56,390
Congratulations Brian. Chase.
851
00:38:56,640 --> 00:38:58,020
Wait. YOU'RE Chase?
852
00:38:58,270 --> 00:39:00,770
Shelly, I've told you about him a million times.
853
00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:06,190
Yeah. But you didn't mention that he's GORGEOUS!
854
00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:07,360
Shelly!
855
00:39:07,510 --> 00:39:09,000
I just want a peak!
856
00:39:09,250 --> 00:39:10,570
Pleased to meet you?
857
00:39:11,570 --> 00:39:13,780
Brian, how did YOU land a guy like THIS?
858
00:39:14,030 --> 00:39:16,080
Teach me your secret!
859
00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:18,080
This is the place!
860
00:39:18,180 --> 00:39:19,960
I don't think this is a good idea
861
00:39:20,060 --> 00:39:23,000
Sorry, ladies. Bachelor party tonight.
862
00:39:23,100 --> 00:39:26,840
I am the mother of one of those
sodomites, and I am going in.
863
00:39:26,940 --> 00:39:28,550
So move!
864
00:39:28,650 --> 00:39:30,490
Well, when you put it that way...
865
00:39:30,900 --> 00:39:33,750
Put me down you big baboon!
866
00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:35,710
This is my car.
867
00:39:38,980 --> 00:39:40,600
Thanks for your trouble.
868
00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:44,020
You'd better run, you disrespectful heathen!
869
00:39:44,120 --> 00:39:44,900
That's it!
870
00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:46,530
We tried.
871
00:39:46,630 --> 00:39:48,230
Let's go home.
872
00:39:53,620 --> 00:39:56,160
No, no, no!
873
00:39:58,290 --> 00:40:00,500
Irene? Are you okay?
874
00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:04,210
Of course I'm not okay! My son is going to hell!
875
00:40:05,380 --> 00:40:10,420
Chase is supposed to be marrying a
woman who can love him and give him a family.
876
00:40:10,570 --> 00:40:16,890
Not having satanic orgies with
transvestites and handcuffs, and...
877
00:40:16,890 --> 00:40:20,020
homosexual hamsters!
878
00:40:20,730 --> 00:40:26,130
Irene, is it possible that you don't know as
much about gay people as you think you do?
879
00:40:26,230 --> 00:40:27,610
Oh, I know Rose!
880
00:40:27,610 --> 00:40:30,240
I watch The 700 Club!
881
00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:35,200
And now I'm gonna lose my sweet little boy forever!
882
00:40:35,450 --> 00:40:37,450
Tomorrow he walks into a church.
883
00:40:38,790 --> 00:40:40,120
Spits in God's face.
884
00:40:40,500 --> 00:40:46,460
And promises to spend the rest of his life being
used and abused by that deviant nephew of yours.
885
00:40:46,710 --> 00:40:47,670
Hey!
886
00:40:47,920 --> 00:40:50,340
You don't get to talk about Brian that way!
887
00:40:50,490 --> 00:40:51,800
Well he is!
888
00:40:52,050 --> 00:40:55,050
A card carrying sado-masochist
homosexual pervert!
889
00:40:55,150 --> 00:40:59,140
And we both know why he got a
job as a high school teacher!
890
00:41:05,100 --> 00:41:06,520
You know what?
891
00:41:07,690 --> 00:41:10,320
We're going to that bachelor party!
892
00:41:10,570 --> 00:41:13,990
But Rose, they won't let us in!
893
00:41:14,240 --> 00:41:16,600
Oh, they'll let us in.
894
00:41:17,200 --> 00:41:19,940
Hang on to your knickers, sister!
895
00:42:05,250 --> 00:42:07,920
Lady Von Strappon.
896
00:42:08,500 --> 00:42:12,250
And this is my friend, Heidi.
897
00:42:14,090 --> 00:42:16,470
Heidi Sausage
898
00:42:29,600 --> 00:42:30,670
Well?
899
00:42:30,770 --> 00:42:31,820
Well, they're drinking!
900
00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:32,480
Yep
901
00:42:32,730 --> 00:42:34,690
And those boys are in their underwear!
902
00:42:34,790 --> 00:42:35,700
Yay!
903
00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:37,700
And... well...
904
00:42:37,800 --> 00:42:40,990
Oh, heck. I've seen more skin
at a Miss America pageant.
905
00:42:41,240 --> 00:42:43,240
Where's all the gay stuff?
906
00:42:43,440 --> 00:42:45,500
The whips? The chains?
907
00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:47,040
The goats!
908
00:42:47,140 --> 00:42:48,150
Goats?
909
00:42:48,250 --> 00:42:50,250
You know what they do with those goats, Rose!
910
00:42:50,500 --> 00:42:53,670
Lady von Strappon, good to see you!
911
00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:55,570
Irene, I really think that...
912
00:42:55,670 --> 00:42:57,260
Alexis! Darling!
913
00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:01,260
Love the shoes!
914
00:43:02,350 --> 00:43:04,790
So... Alexis.
915
00:43:04,890 --> 00:43:07,040
Do you want to tell me why everyone...
916
00:43:07,140 --> 00:43:11,020
...in this den of iniquity seems to know you?
917
00:43:11,610 --> 00:43:14,230
I should have come clean in the first place.
918
00:43:14,330 --> 00:43:16,080
The truth is...
919
00:43:16,690 --> 00:43:18,610
...I'm not really Rose Jackson!
920
00:43:18,710 --> 00:43:19,320
No?
921
00:43:19,420 --> 00:43:20,570
No!
922
00:43:20,820 --> 00:43:26,870
I am the Lady Alexis von Strappon der Kinky Boots!
923
00:43:27,120 --> 00:43:32,830
And I am a proud female
impersonator impersonator.
924
00:43:34,090 --> 00:43:35,460
What does that mean?
925
00:43:35,710 --> 00:43:38,670
It means I'm a drag queen trapped in a woman's body.
926
00:43:38,910 --> 00:43:39,920
What?
927
00:43:40,120 --> 00:43:41,510
Well it isn't fair!
928
00:43:41,760 --> 00:43:45,560
Drag queens get to wear
all those amazing dresses...
929
00:43:45,810 --> 00:43:48,810
and fabulous shoe! And way too much makeup.
930
00:43:49,060 --> 00:43:52,150
And they can say the most scandalous things.
931
00:43:52,400 --> 00:43:54,650
And everyone just thinks it's funny!
932
00:43:55,520 --> 00:43:57,110
Watch this!
933
00:44:00,160 --> 00:44:02,050
Yo! Sweet cheeks!
934
00:44:02,300 --> 00:44:04,170
The zoo called.
935
00:44:04,420 --> 00:44:06,790
They want their anaconda back.
936
00:44:08,060 --> 00:44:09,000
Yeah?
937
00:44:09,250 --> 00:44:15,960
Yeah. And I am an expert snake handler.
938
00:44:16,890 --> 00:44:18,250
Okay!
939
00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:26,180
You see what I mean!
940
00:44:26,430 --> 00:44:29,100
Rose could never say anything like that!
941
00:44:29,200 --> 00:44:31,880
But Alexis can get away with anything!
942
00:44:31,980 --> 00:44:35,190
So you're friends with all these sodomites?
943
00:44:35,290 --> 00:44:36,900
You betcha!
944
00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:39,440
So you didn't want to stop the wedding.
945
00:44:39,540 --> 00:44:40,740
Nope!
946
00:44:40,840 --> 00:44:43,740
You've been leading me on
a wild goose chase all day!
947
00:44:43,840 --> 00:44:45,680
You bet your sweet keyster!
948
00:44:45,780 --> 00:44:46,950
I thought you were my friend!
949
00:44:47,050 --> 00:44:49,370
And I want to be your friend, Irene.
950
00:44:49,470 --> 00:44:52,080
But only if you can be friend with the real me.
951
00:44:52,330 --> 00:44:59,250
Because Rose, she might let some
of your more colorful statements slide.
952
00:45:00,460 --> 00:45:02,090
But Alexis?
953
00:45:02,340 --> 00:45:07,890
She's going to order a double martini and
then call you out on all your stupid bullshit!
954
00:45:08,140 --> 00:45:10,720
You know what, Alexis?
955
00:45:10,970 --> 00:45:16,560
I don't need any female impersonator
impersonators as my friend!
956
00:45:16,810 --> 00:45:19,770
So you can take your tacky outfits
957
00:45:20,020 --> 00:45:22,070
and your freaky friends
958
00:45:22,170 --> 00:45:23,550
and you can shove it!
959
00:45:23,650 --> 00:45:24,320
Oh yeah?
960
00:45:24,420 --> 00:45:25,660
Yeah!
961
00:45:30,660 --> 00:45:32,330
Where are those gay goats!
962
00:45:34,700 --> 00:45:37,540
Man, that is not the way
that I pictured your boyfriend.
963
00:45:37,790 --> 00:45:39,500
Okay, Carter. I'll bite.
964
00:45:39,750 --> 00:45:41,800
What did you think Chase was going to look like?
965
00:45:41,800 --> 00:45:44,630
Just not... that.
966
00:45:45,420 --> 00:45:47,450
Please! Just one little dance!
967
00:45:47,550 --> 00:45:49,260
I want to dance with my boyfriend.
968
00:45:49,510 --> 00:45:51,680
While he's still single.
969
00:45:51,780 --> 00:45:53,600
Come on Shelly, let's get you some water.
970
00:45:54,320 --> 00:45:55,270
Having fun?
971
00:45:56,390 --> 00:45:57,400
Guess who?
972
00:45:57,700 --> 00:45:59,700
No, I'm terrible at this game.
973
00:45:59,900 --> 00:46:01,320
I'll give you a hint.
974
00:46:03,490 --> 00:46:04,610
Anthony?
975
00:46:04,760 --> 00:46:06,010
What's up, baby!
976
00:46:06,110 --> 00:46:07,990
Good to see you, sexy!
977
00:46:09,110 --> 00:46:10,120
How are you, stud?
978
00:46:10,220 --> 00:46:11,790
I'm good, man. How about you?
979
00:46:11,790 --> 00:46:13,500
Is this Brian? Congrats man!
980
00:46:13,750 --> 00:46:16,120
Anthony got me my first gogo dancing job.
981
00:46:16,370 --> 00:46:19,040
No, this cute little butt got you the job.
982
00:46:19,290 --> 00:46:20,670
I just made the introduction.
983
00:46:20,920 --> 00:46:22,500
Your boyfriend is a stripper?
984
00:46:22,750 --> 00:46:24,300
Gogo dancer. To pay for school.
985
00:46:24,300 --> 00:46:26,830
Your boyfriend is a stripper!
986
00:46:27,090 --> 00:46:29,340
I actually got him fired from his previous job.
987
00:46:29,340 --> 00:46:33,290
They couldn't figure out how it took
me two hours to deliver one pizza.
988
00:46:33,540 --> 00:46:36,750
It was their fault for putting
you in that cute little uniform.
989
00:46:37,000 --> 00:46:39,230
I think it was your fault for peeling me out of it.
990
00:46:39,480 --> 00:46:40,610
Yeah, funny story.
991
00:46:40,860 --> 00:46:41,900
Hey Blake!
992
00:46:42,650 --> 00:46:43,750
Phillip!
993
00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:44,780
Hey guys!
994
00:46:44,880 --> 00:46:46,820
Brian! Good to see you!
995
00:46:46,920 --> 00:46:49,700
Glad you're finally making an
honest man out of this one!
996
00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:52,030
There was this one time when I couldn't make rent...
997
00:46:52,130 --> 00:46:55,080
...and they let me crash on
their couch for a whole month!
998
00:46:55,180 --> 00:46:58,550
Please. He was on the couch for all of five
minutes before he crawled into bed with us.
999
00:46:58,650 --> 00:47:00,000
I was cold!
1000
00:47:00,100 --> 00:47:00,920
It was July.
1001
00:47:01,020 --> 00:47:02,920
Another fun stroll down memory lane!
1002
00:47:03,020 --> 00:47:04,920
-Chase!
-Alex
1003
00:47:05,020 --> 00:47:06,090
So good to see you!
1004
00:47:06,190 --> 00:47:09,130
And you must be Brian! Hi!
1005
00:47:09,230 --> 00:47:10,470
Alex got me into art school.
1006
00:47:10,570 --> 00:47:11,140
Really?
1007
00:47:11,240 --> 00:47:14,680
No. I just asked Chase to be
a model for one of my projects.
1008
00:47:14,780 --> 00:47:16,220
Nude model?
1009
00:47:16,320 --> 00:47:17,640
How did you know that?
1010
00:47:17,740 --> 00:47:18,890
He's psychic.
1011
00:47:18,990 --> 00:47:20,900
Oh my God! So cool! So fun!
1012
00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:22,560
So there I am sketching him.
1013
00:47:22,760 --> 00:47:24,690
And this one keeps interrupting.
1014
00:47:24,790 --> 00:47:26,110
Well, your composition was like...
1015
00:47:26,110 --> 00:47:29,990
So finally I said, "If you can
do better, do better!"
1016
00:47:30,090 --> 00:47:32,820
And I said "Take your clothes off, and we'll find out."
1017
00:47:32,920 --> 00:47:35,540
And I did. And you can imagine where that went.
1018
00:47:36,790 --> 00:47:40,390
So I was lying there looking
at the sketch he did of me.
1019
00:47:40,540 --> 00:47:42,710
And it was so real!
1020
00:47:42,810 --> 00:47:43,630
Yeah, funny story.
1021
00:47:43,730 --> 00:47:45,630
Chase, you got a second, honey?
1022
00:47:48,410 --> 00:47:49,660
So what did it look like?
1023
00:47:52,690 --> 00:47:55,300
Chase, how many guys at
this party have you slept with?
1024
00:47:55,560 --> 00:47:57,220
I don't know. Most of them?
1025
00:47:57,450 --> 00:47:59,810
Most of them? There's over a hundred guys out there!
1026
00:48:00,060 --> 00:48:00,980
I guess.
1027
00:48:02,850 --> 00:48:05,320
But you know how it is. We were all
strippers and barbacks.
1028
00:48:05,420 --> 00:48:06,650
And you slept with all of them?
1029
00:48:06,750 --> 00:48:09,240
Brian, you knew that I slept with other guys before you.
1030
00:48:09,340 --> 00:48:12,490
Yeah, other guys like four or five. I didn't think
you were into triple digits.
1031
00:48:12,590 --> 00:48:13,910
Four or five?
1032
00:48:14,360 --> 00:48:16,740
Okay, seriously. What's the big deal?
1033
00:48:17,000 --> 00:48:18,750
We were safe. We're all still friends.
1034
00:48:18,850 --> 00:48:20,050
Yeah, that's the problem.
1035
00:48:20,150 --> 00:48:22,620
All your hot stripper friends
are your hot stripper exes!
1036
00:48:22,720 --> 00:48:23,960
Brian, come on!
1037
00:48:24,060 --> 00:48:26,810
You must have sewn some
wild oats before you met me.
1038
00:48:26,910 --> 00:48:27,960
Well, there was Dennis.
1039
00:48:28,060 --> 00:48:30,670
Yeah, but before Dennis there must have been...
1040
00:48:33,630 --> 00:48:36,580
Dennis and I are the only two
guys you've ever slept with?
1041
00:48:37,010 --> 00:48:40,180
Wow! Seriously?
1042
00:48:40,630 --> 00:48:42,730
How is that even possible?
1043
00:48:42,980 --> 00:48:44,730
Was he in a coma or something?
1044
00:48:44,980 --> 00:48:47,980
Jeez. Even I've slept with more men than that.
1045
00:48:48,080 --> 00:48:49,980
Does that make me slutty?
1046
00:48:50,780 --> 00:48:54,140
How is the fact that I don't
sleep around a bad thing?
1047
00:48:54,240 --> 00:48:57,700
The fact that Dennis is the
only other guy you've slept with?
1048
00:48:57,800 --> 00:49:00,500
Dennis who you will never fucking talk about.
1049
00:49:00,600 --> 00:49:02,830
You don't understand why that freaks me out?
1050
00:49:02,930 --> 00:49:05,210
No! Because you've only got to worry about one guy.
1051
00:49:05,310 --> 00:49:07,170
While I've got to worry about all of...
1052
00:49:07,270 --> 00:49:09,380
So I should worry about Dennis.
1053
00:49:09,480 --> 00:49:11,210
Okay! Okay! Enough!
1054
00:49:11,310 --> 00:49:12,920
No fighting before the wedding.
1055
00:49:13,020 --> 00:49:16,300
Your man needs more experience. We can help.
1056
00:49:16,400 --> 00:49:18,850
He's fair game till tomorrow, right?
1057
00:49:18,950 --> 00:49:21,350
Is it okay if he's walking a little
funny when you get him back?
1058
00:49:21,450 --> 00:49:23,180
What time do you need him home by?
1059
00:49:23,280 --> 00:49:24,690
Flesh pit!
1060
00:49:25,470 --> 00:49:26,890
I can't take this!
1061
00:49:28,460 --> 00:49:29,270
Brian!
1062
00:49:47,420 --> 00:49:49,970
You don't seem to be enjoying your party.
1063
00:49:50,700 --> 00:49:51,690
What?
1064
00:49:51,940 --> 00:49:54,250
You are the guest of honor, aren't you?
1065
00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:58,470
No. That's my fiance. Those are all of his...
1066
00:49:58,720 --> 00:50:00,600
...friends.
1067
00:50:01,890 --> 00:50:04,270
Chase always was popular.
1068
00:50:05,470 --> 00:50:06,440
Speaking of which.
1069
00:50:12,390 --> 00:50:14,740
There's a thing or two you oughta know about that boy.
1070
00:50:14,780 --> 00:50:16,070
What? You've slept with him, too?
1071
00:50:16,170 --> 00:50:18,110
What? Of course not!
1072
00:50:18,360 --> 00:50:21,660
Then you're the only guy at this party who hasn't.
1073
00:50:21,910 --> 00:50:23,790
There's a hundred guys in there!
1074
00:50:23,890 --> 00:50:24,910
I know.
1075
00:50:25,010 --> 00:50:26,580
How is that possible?
1076
00:50:26,680 --> 00:50:27,710
I don't know.
1077
00:50:29,170 --> 00:50:31,510
A different guy every weekend. 52 weeks in a year.
1078
00:50:31,610 --> 00:50:33,830
I did not ask for a math lesson!
1079
00:50:33,930 --> 00:50:36,820
It's like Chase and his friends have
sex the way most people shake hands.
1080
00:50:36,920 --> 00:50:40,500
I'm sure his mother did not raise him to be that way!
1081
00:50:40,750 --> 00:50:43,310
According to Chase she didn't raise him at all.
1082
00:50:43,560 --> 00:50:46,380
She kicked him out when she found out he was gay.
1083
00:50:46,630 --> 00:50:50,440
Hey! Don't believe everything that boy says.
1084
00:50:50,540 --> 00:50:53,360
There are two sides to every story.
1085
00:50:58,350 --> 00:50:59,810
What about you?
1086
00:51:02,580 --> 00:51:04,700
How many men have you...
1087
00:51:04,950 --> 00:51:08,580
..."done it" with?
1088
00:51:11,220 --> 00:51:12,700
Two?
1089
00:51:13,200 --> 00:51:15,250
In your whole life?
1090
00:51:17,500 --> 00:51:19,330
Are you sure you're a homosexual?
1091
00:51:19,430 --> 00:51:22,470
I like dick! I'm just particular
about who it's attached to!
1092
00:51:22,570 --> 00:51:24,050
Language!
1093
00:51:25,700 --> 00:51:28,680
At least you found out before you married him.
1094
00:51:29,940 --> 00:51:32,770
I hope you can get a refund on that cake.
1095
00:51:33,020 --> 00:51:35,100
It's not that simple.
1096
00:51:36,610 --> 00:51:39,280
Chase and I are at that point. You know?
1097
00:51:40,510 --> 00:51:45,440
When we either need to jump
in with both feet, or walk away.
1098
00:51:47,370 --> 00:51:51,330
Boy, that is a lousy reason to get married.
1099
00:51:55,000 --> 00:51:55,550
Hey Rose.
1100
00:51:55,800 --> 00:51:57,710
Taking a breather?
1101
00:51:59,080 --> 00:52:00,380
Are you okay?
1102
00:52:00,480 --> 00:52:02,470
You look kind of...
1103
00:52:02,570 --> 00:52:04,350
Brian's being weird.
1104
00:52:04,600 --> 00:52:06,430
Weird? How?
1105
00:52:08,020 --> 00:52:09,310
Tell me about Dennis.
1106
00:52:09,560 --> 00:52:13,270
Chase, you don't want to go back there.
1107
00:52:13,520 --> 00:52:16,640
Rose, I am freaking out. So spill!
1108
00:52:19,120 --> 00:52:22,820
Dennis dumped Brian for some bleach
blond home wrecker from the gym.
1109
00:52:22,920 --> 00:52:25,780
No, I mean before that.
1110
00:52:27,590 --> 00:52:29,060
Were they happy?
1111
00:52:29,160 --> 00:52:30,620
Yeah.
1112
00:52:30,870 --> 00:52:32,330
How happy?
1113
00:52:32,580 --> 00:52:35,170
You know. Happy.
1114
00:52:36,120 --> 00:52:38,550
They were always joking around.
1115
00:52:38,550 --> 00:52:42,630
And Brian would get that
big old goofy grin on his face.
1116
00:52:42,730 --> 00:52:44,090
You know the one where he...
1117
00:52:44,190 --> 00:52:45,430
Yeah, I know the grin.
1118
00:52:46,900 --> 00:52:49,010
But I thought it was just for me.
1119
00:52:49,260 --> 00:52:51,250
Oh, baby.
1120
00:52:53,350 --> 00:52:56,770
Do you ever feel like Brian just
needs to be in a relationship?
1121
00:52:57,860 --> 00:52:59,980
Doesn't everybody?
1122
00:53:01,230 --> 00:53:03,190
No. Not me.
1123
00:53:03,940 --> 00:53:05,680
I was fine before I met Brian.
1124
00:53:05,780 --> 00:53:07,680
I had friends. We had fun.
1125
00:53:10,460 --> 00:53:13,000
I didn't need anybody.
1126
00:53:15,000 --> 00:53:16,540
Not like this.
1127
00:53:19,290 --> 00:53:22,300
But that's a good thing. Right?
1128
00:53:23,000 --> 00:53:25,010
It doesn't always feel that way.
1129
00:53:26,700 --> 00:53:29,180
I thought we were sharing something special.
1130
00:53:29,280 --> 00:53:31,500
Oh, you're "special" all right.
1131
00:53:31,840 --> 00:53:34,190
So tell him it's off.
1132
00:53:34,290 --> 00:53:37,100
I always figured there was a guy, or two, before me.
1133
00:53:37,200 --> 00:53:40,780
But not an entire football team. Or two.
1134
00:53:41,370 --> 00:53:44,070
So go break up with him already!
1135
00:53:44,170 --> 00:53:48,640
The thing is... whenever I try to
imagine my life without Chase...
1136
00:53:48,740 --> 00:53:50,830
You'll get over him!
1137
00:53:52,080 --> 00:53:53,310
I don't think I will.
1138
00:53:53,410 --> 00:53:55,540
Don't be melodramatic!
1139
00:53:55,640 --> 00:53:58,030
It's not like you're in love with him!
1140
00:53:58,130 --> 00:53:59,000
Yes I am.
1141
00:53:59,100 --> 00:54:00,460
No, you're not.
1142
00:54:01,630 --> 00:54:06,630
There is a world of difference
between being in love, and...
1143
00:54:08,220 --> 00:54:11,250
not wanting to be alone.
1144
00:54:11,500 --> 00:54:13,670
You like playing house.
1145
00:54:13,820 --> 00:54:18,270
You like the kinky unnatural sex acts.
1146
00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:20,310
But that is not love.
1147
00:54:20,560 --> 00:54:21,880
And how would you know?
1148
00:54:21,980 --> 00:54:27,200
Brian, I have not always been an old... transvestite.
1149
00:54:30,390 --> 00:54:31,870
Chase...
1150
00:54:32,120 --> 00:54:34,410
I don't know how to ask this.
1151
00:54:34,960 --> 00:54:38,650
Your mother showed me a picture.
1152
00:54:38,750 --> 00:54:40,250
Actually, it was more of a mug shot
1153
00:54:40,350 --> 00:54:42,740
I am never going to speak to that woman again.
1154
00:54:44,720 --> 00:54:47,090
Then it's true?
1155
00:54:47,890 --> 00:54:49,590
Don't look at me that way.
1156
00:54:53,680 --> 00:54:57,540
Oh, Chase. How could you?
1157
00:54:57,640 --> 00:54:58,940
Let's see.
1158
00:54:59,590 --> 00:55:02,900
My mom had just kicked me out of the house.
1159
00:55:03,150 --> 00:55:04,860
I was sixteen.
1160
00:55:05,410 --> 00:55:08,650
I didn't have a job. I didn't have a place to stay.
1161
00:55:09,860 --> 00:55:11,870
I didn't have anything.
1162
00:55:11,870 --> 00:55:16,540
But this.
1163
00:55:21,680 --> 00:55:23,170
Does Brian know?
1164
00:55:23,420 --> 00:55:27,530
Are you kidding? Brian's freaking out that I slept with guys for free.
1165
00:55:27,730 --> 00:55:31,320
What do you think he'll do when he finds
out that I used to get paid for it?
1166
00:55:35,000 --> 00:55:37,640
Don't you think you should tell him?
1167
00:55:37,790 --> 00:55:41,150
Why? It has nothing to do with him.
1168
00:55:41,600 --> 00:55:42,940
That's not the point.
1169
00:55:43,190 --> 00:55:44,770
I knew that Chase likes sex.
1170
00:55:45,020 --> 00:55:46,110
Yeah.
1171
00:55:46,110 --> 00:55:47,990
I mean, he REALLY likes sex.
1172
00:55:48,090 --> 00:55:49,100
I get the point.
1173
00:55:49,200 --> 00:55:51,950
The other day I came home and h
was just standing there naked...
1174
00:55:52,050 --> 00:55:54,240
I get the picture!
1175
00:55:55,080 --> 00:55:57,660
So how am I supposed to keep a guy like that happy?
1176
00:55:58,960 --> 00:56:02,000
How long until he get's bored with me and starts...
1177
00:56:02,250 --> 00:56:03,960
Six months tops.
1178
00:56:04,840 --> 00:56:06,170
You're cheery.
1179
00:56:06,600 --> 00:56:08,380
I've been married.
1180
00:56:09,700 --> 00:56:11,130
My man, Earl.
1181
00:56:11,380 --> 00:56:16,640
The number of times he came home drunk
as a skunk and smelling of cheep perfume...
1182
00:56:16,890 --> 00:56:18,770
So why did you stay with him?
1183
00:56:19,020 --> 00:56:21,190
Because we were married.
1184
00:56:21,440 --> 00:56:23,650
That's the point.
1185
00:56:23,900 --> 00:56:26,900
When they make you say "For better or for worse".
1186
00:56:27,150 --> 00:56:28,900
They mean "for worse".
1187
00:56:29,000 --> 00:56:30,070
That's dark.
1188
00:56:30,170 --> 00:56:32,110
That's marriage!
1189
00:56:32,210 --> 00:56:37,870
You kids. Some fancy pants supreme court
judge says you can get married...
1190
00:56:37,970 --> 00:56:42,690
...and you think it's going to be
all puppy dogs and rainbows.
1191
00:56:42,790 --> 00:56:44,170
I didn't think it would be...
1192
00:56:44,270 --> 00:56:47,210
Marriage is not about the good times.
1193
00:56:47,460 --> 00:56:50,460
It's about the bad times.
1194
00:56:50,710 --> 00:56:55,680
It's about every stupid
argument and humiliation...
1195
00:56:55,930 --> 00:56:59,430
and hookers named Suzanne who think they're being clever
1196
00:56:59,530 --> 00:57:02,690
by hanging up the phone every time you answer!
1197
00:57:03,390 --> 00:57:08,070
Marriage. REAL marriage.
1198
00:57:08,980 --> 00:57:13,610
Isn't about finding somebody you like.
1199
00:57:14,100 --> 00:57:17,830
Or somebody who makes you happy.
1200
00:57:18,910 --> 00:57:23,870
It's about finding that one person
1201
00:57:24,120 --> 00:57:27,630
That you just can't live without.
1202
00:57:29,800 --> 00:57:35,810
And then promising to fight it out with him
rather than kicking hi lying ass to the curb!
1203
00:57:36,400 --> 00:57:37,650
You're right.
1204
00:57:37,750 --> 00:57:40,930
Of course I'm right. If there's one thing I know...
1205
00:57:41,030 --> 00:57:43,310
Wait! What am I right about?
1206
00:57:43,410 --> 00:57:45,480
What are you going to do?
1207
00:57:53,640 --> 00:57:54,420
Hey.
1208
00:57:55,440 --> 00:57:56,570
Hey.
1209
00:58:00,000 --> 00:58:01,570
So we're having a fight?
1210
00:58:02,900 --> 00:58:03,900
Yep.
1211
00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:09,720
This one feels different.
1212
00:58:10,800 --> 00:58:12,000
Yeah.
1213
00:58:14,670 --> 00:58:15,740
So the thing with Dennis...
1214
00:58:15,840 --> 00:58:18,140
-You're still in love with him.
-No.
1215
00:58:19,500 --> 00:58:21,430
But I was.
1216
00:58:22,800 --> 00:58:24,680
And things were good.
1217
00:58:25,000 --> 00:58:28,060
And then he started to get bored with me.
1218
00:58:28,160 --> 00:58:29,820
And he started meeting guys on Grindr.
1219
00:58:29,820 --> 00:58:30,710
I'm not Dennis
1220
00:58:30,810 --> 00:58:32,100
No. But come on Chase.
1221
00:58:32,350 --> 00:58:35,430
How long are you going to be happy with this
when you're used to having all of that?
1222
00:58:35,530 --> 00:58:38,040
God! Brian, you make such a big deal about sex!
1223
00:58:38,140 --> 00:58:38,890
Because it is!
1224
00:58:38,990 --> 00:58:42,200
No. It's not.
1225
00:58:43,450 --> 00:58:46,250
Not compared to the things that matter.
1226
00:58:50,630 --> 00:58:55,260
Like how I can be having the worst day.
1227
00:58:56,810 --> 00:58:59,310
And you'll know how to make me smile.
1228
00:59:01,350 --> 00:59:05,270
Or that goofy grin on your face.
1229
00:59:07,400 --> 00:59:09,720
Or waking up in your arms
1230
00:59:09,970 --> 00:59:12,330
And feeling like everything is going to be okay.
1231
00:59:12,580 --> 00:59:15,780
But what happens in a year
or two when things star to...
1232
00:59:16,030 --> 00:59:18,950
Then we'll learn tantric yoga.
1233
00:59:19,200 --> 00:59:22,030
Or we'll dress up like gladiators.
1234
00:59:22,280 --> 00:59:24,870
Or we invite Anthony over for a three way.
1235
00:59:25,120 --> 00:59:26,830
I'd be down for that.
1236
00:59:28,000 --> 00:59:29,040
Yeah, it was hypothetical.
1237
00:59:29,140 --> 00:59:30,330
I'm just saying, I'd be down for that.
1238
00:59:30,580 --> 00:59:32,750
The point is
1239
00:59:33,000 --> 00:59:34,550
We'll figure something out.
1240
00:59:34,800 --> 00:59:36,550
Together
1241
00:59:37,520 --> 00:59:39,050
Because I'm not going anywhere.
1242
00:59:40,300 --> 00:59:41,260
No?
1243
00:59:42,290 --> 00:59:43,720
No.
1244
00:59:47,000 --> 00:59:48,600
But...
1245
00:59:50,390 --> 00:59:52,000
There is this...
1246
00:59:53,360 --> 00:59:55,980
...one thing you need to know about me.
1247
00:59:56,800 --> 00:59:58,240
Something about your past?
1248
00:59:58,500 --> 00:59:59,770
Yeah.
1249
01:00:00,570 --> 01:00:02,240
Is it bad?
1250
01:00:02,500 --> 01:00:04,450
Well, you're sure not going to like it.
1251
01:00:06,200 --> 01:00:09,660
See, I um....
1252
01:00:10,000 --> 01:00:10,700
I used to...
1253
01:00:10,950 --> 01:00:12,190
Don't worry about it.
1254
01:00:12,440 --> 01:00:13,790
You don't know what I'm going to say.
1255
01:00:13,890 --> 01:00:15,000
I don't need to.
1256
01:00:15,100 --> 01:00:15,630
Brian...
1257
01:00:15,730 --> 01:00:19,750
Chase, I'm in.
1258
01:00:21,270 --> 01:00:23,000
For all of it.
1259
01:00:24,270 --> 01:00:27,000
For every crazy thing about your past.
1260
01:00:27,530 --> 01:00:30,560
For every stupid fight that we're going
to have over the next fifty years.
1261
01:00:30,660 --> 01:00:32,810
I want it all.
1262
01:00:33,520 --> 01:00:35,440
So whatever this is...
1263
01:00:36,660 --> 01:00:38,820
Wait until you're ready to tell me.
1264
01:00:40,200 --> 01:00:42,240
Because I'm not going anywhere either.
1265
01:00:44,800 --> 01:00:46,200
You're sure.
1266
01:00:46,450 --> 01:00:48,790
Like I've never been about
anything in my life.
1267
01:00:49,040 --> 01:00:51,290
Stop! We're not done yet!
1268
01:01:07,680 --> 01:01:10,400
No! You can't be in love!
1269
01:01:10,650 --> 01:01:12,230
It doesn't work that way!
1270
01:01:12,480 --> 01:01:14,190
Okay buddy, I think you've had enough.
1271
01:01:14,340 --> 01:01:17,150
No! You let me go you big ox!
1272
01:01:17,390 --> 01:01:21,010
I have to stop them! Chase!
1273
01:01:30,000 --> 01:01:32,500
So we're good?
1274
01:01:32,750 --> 01:01:34,250
We're better than good.
1275
01:01:37,790 --> 01:01:39,880
-But there is this...
-But?
1276
01:01:40,130 --> 01:01:44,840
Yeah, there's just one thing I need you to change.
1277
01:01:47,800 --> 01:01:49,430
Name it.
1278
01:01:50,200 --> 01:01:52,060
You gotta stop looking down on my friends.
1279
01:01:52,160 --> 01:01:53,100
What? I don't...
1280
01:01:53,200 --> 01:01:54,480
You do.
1281
01:01:54,730 --> 01:01:57,690
It's just they're...
1282
01:01:57,940 --> 01:02:00,700
Yeah. And so am I?
1283
01:02:00,900 --> 01:02:01,860
You're different.
1284
01:02:02,060 --> 01:02:05,500
The difference is that you've
actually talked to me.
1285
01:02:05,700 --> 01:02:07,200
You've never given them a chance.
1286
01:02:07,450 --> 01:02:09,450
These guys really mean that much to you?
1287
01:02:09,550 --> 01:02:15,020
Brian, those guys have had my
back through some insane shit.
1288
01:02:15,120 --> 01:02:15,900
Yeah, but.
1289
01:02:16,000 --> 01:02:17,420
No buts!
1290
01:02:17,520 --> 01:02:20,040
You've got your mom and your aunt.
1291
01:02:21,350 --> 01:02:25,420
Well those gogo boys and drag queens
1292
01:02:25,670 --> 01:02:28,050
They're the ones that took care of me.
1293
01:02:28,300 --> 01:02:31,850
When I didn't have anybody else.
1294
01:02:33,310 --> 01:02:35,930
That's the family I've got.
1295
01:02:56,000 --> 01:02:57,510
Brian, what are you doing?
1296
01:02:57,760 --> 01:03:00,000
Proving I can be part of the family.
1297
01:03:05,500 --> 01:03:07,380
Oh no you don'!
1298
01:03:12,960 --> 01:03:15,220
You're doing great, babe. Follow me.
1299
01:03:49,560 --> 01:03:52,220
Don't forget about our sponsor!
1300
01:04:24,630 --> 01:04:28,050
Brian! Brian! Brian!
1301
01:04:53,510 --> 01:04:55,160
Take it all off!
1302
01:04:55,800 --> 01:05:05,790
Take it off! Take it off!
1303
01:05:15,170 --> 01:05:18,810
When are we going to have another chance?
1304
01:05:26,740 --> 01:05:30,030
Bachelor Party! Bachelor Party!
1305
01:05:30,280 --> 01:05:32,070
And you call me a trouble maker?
1306
01:05:33,280 --> 01:05:35,860
At least we'll never be bored.
1307
01:05:37,000 --> 01:05:39,280
You still think he should have
ended up with Yohanne?
1308
01:05:40,540 --> 01:05:43,370
All right. Boring school teacher is growing on me.
1309
01:05:43,620 --> 01:05:46,130
It's just...
1310
01:05:46,380 --> 01:05:48,920
He's not going to need us so much anymore.
1311
01:05:49,170 --> 01:05:51,460
He's got someone else to look after him now.
1312
01:05:54,220 --> 01:05:55,970
Yeah.
1313
01:05:59,100 --> 01:06:02,770
Goodbye, my little pepito.
1314
01:06:04,070 --> 01:06:07,000
Let me out you stupid jackasses!
1315
01:06:07,250 --> 01:06:09,590
I am not supposed to be in here!
1316
01:06:09,690 --> 01:06:12,610
Relax. None of us is supposed to be in here.
1317
01:06:12,810 --> 01:06:16,740
If there was any justice, they'd be
arresting the Johns. Not us.
1318
01:06:17,160 --> 01:06:19,240
I am not a....
1319
01:06:20,000 --> 01:06:21,790
Never mind.
1320
01:06:24,660 --> 01:06:26,250
You want some gum?
1321
01:06:26,500 --> 01:06:31,550
Does it look like the biggest problem I'm
having right now is a lack of gum?
1322
01:06:32,900 --> 01:06:34,760
Sheesh!
1323
01:06:35,600 --> 01:06:37,800
Wait.
1324
01:06:41,690 --> 01:06:43,100
Thank you.
1325
01:06:43,670 --> 01:06:46,810
I'm Tiffany. And this is Chantal.
1326
01:06:47,780 --> 01:06:48,770
Irene.
1327
01:06:50,270 --> 01:06:51,490
What?
1328
01:06:51,740 --> 01:06:55,740
It's just not the most commercial name.
1329
01:06:55,740 --> 01:06:59,160
But you're in one of those
weird specialty markets, right?
1330
01:06:59,260 --> 01:07:01,180
When are you going to let me out of here!
1331
01:07:01,280 --> 01:07:04,810
Relax, Grandma. You'll feel better
after you've had something to eat.
1332
01:07:05,060 --> 01:07:08,250
Yeah, when are we going
to get some breakfast in here!
1333
01:07:08,500 --> 01:07:10,250
I hope it's pancakes this time!
1334
01:07:10,350 --> 01:07:12,500
I do not have time for pancakes!
1335
01:07:12,600 --> 01:07:15,560
In an hour I lose my son forever!
1336
01:07:15,660 --> 01:07:17,420
Oh my God! I'm so sorry
1337
01:07:17,520 --> 01:07:18,620
What's wrong with him?
1338
01:07:18,720 --> 01:07:20,720
He's getting married.
1339
01:07:22,010 --> 01:07:24,210
I take it you don't like his fiancé?
1340
01:07:24,310 --> 01:07:25,540
I should say not.
1341
01:07:25,640 --> 01:07:26,350
Meth head?
1342
01:07:26,450 --> 01:07:27,750
No!
1343
01:07:27,750 --> 01:07:28,600
Heroine?
1344
01:07:28,700 --> 01:07:29,250
No
1345
01:07:29,250 --> 01:07:32,170
Booze? Oxy? Scientology?
1346
01:07:32,170 --> 01:07:36,400
No! He's a high school English teacher!
1347
01:07:38,660 --> 01:07:42,200
Wow. You must really hate teachers.
1348
01:07:42,450 --> 01:07:45,490
That is not the point.
1349
01:07:45,740 --> 01:07:48,080
He is a man!
1350
01:07:48,230 --> 01:07:51,630
My son is marrying a homosexual!
1351
01:07:51,880 --> 01:07:54,540
Doesn't that make your son a homosexual, too?
1352
01:07:54,790 --> 01:07:57,120
He just thinks he is!
1353
01:07:59,700 --> 01:08:06,250
So, your gay son is marrying a sober guy with a good job.
1354
01:08:06,350 --> 01:08:07,890
And you're pissed off about it?
1355
01:08:07,990 --> 01:08:10,310
Of course I am!
1356
01:08:10,560 --> 01:08:13,520
That's the crazies bullshit that I've ever heard!
1357
01:08:13,770 --> 01:08:17,670
I would not expect a street walker to understand.
1358
01:08:17,770 --> 01:08:19,400
Hey! You think I picked this life?
1359
01:08:19,500 --> 01:08:23,640
I'm sure your parents didn't raise you to be a whore.
1360
01:08:23,740 --> 01:08:28,120
No. They were good Christians who threw me
out when they found out I like guys.
1361
01:08:28,220 --> 01:08:30,330
That's why I'm on the streets.
1362
01:08:30,430 --> 01:08:32,000
Well I am sure...
1363
01:08:32,100 --> 01:08:33,570
They probably...
1364
01:08:33,670 --> 01:08:36,590
I'm sure they...
1365
01:08:37,670 --> 01:08:41,210
I'm sure they regret it.
1366
01:08:42,800 --> 01:08:43,860
You know what?
1367
01:08:44,110 --> 01:08:46,140
I can fix this.
1368
01:08:49,110 --> 01:08:50,900
You love your son, right?
1369
01:08:51,920 --> 01:08:53,700
Of course I do.
1370
01:08:54,000 --> 01:08:56,430
And you actually kind of like his boyfriend.
1371
01:08:59,550 --> 01:09:02,610
As sodomites go, he seems nice enough.
1372
01:09:02,860 --> 01:09:07,450
And the whole problem is that this books
says that they shouldn't be together.
1373
01:09:07,450 --> 01:09:13,000
That book is the holy Bible! And it is
pretty clear on the subject.
1374
01:09:13,690 --> 01:09:18,380
And you've got to believer everything
in here, no matter how crazy?
1375
01:09:18,630 --> 01:09:21,480
That's why they call it faith.
1376
01:09:21,730 --> 01:09:23,900
Okay then.
1377
01:09:29,210 --> 01:09:30,220
God
1378
01:09:30,470 --> 01:09:32,770
loves
1379
01:09:33,020 --> 01:09:36,060
faggots.
1380
01:09:37,230 --> 01:09:38,770
Problem solved.
1381
01:09:38,920 --> 01:09:40,150
What did you do!?
1382
01:09:40,400 --> 01:09:42,530
It's in the Bible. You have to believe it now.
1383
01:09:42,780 --> 01:09:46,520
Book of Chantal. Chapter one. Verse one.
1384
01:09:46,620 --> 01:09:48,120
God loves faggots.
1385
01:09:48,220 --> 01:09:49,160
Hallelujah!
1386
01:09:49,260 --> 01:09:50,890
Halle-fucking-lujah!
1387
01:09:51,140 --> 01:09:53,120
That doesn't count!
1388
01:09:54,530 --> 01:09:56,540
The words aren't burning off the page.
1389
01:09:56,640 --> 01:09:58,250
Looks like you're stuck with them.
1390
01:09:58,350 --> 01:10:00,110
You just wrote that!
1391
01:10:00,210 --> 01:10:05,550
So when a bunch of dead Babylonians write
that God hates your son, you believe them?
1392
01:10:05,800 --> 01:10:08,970
But when I write God loves him
1393
01:10:09,220 --> 01:10:11,890
That's too freaking incredible for you?
1394
01:10:12,140 --> 01:10:15,640
Those men were inspired by God!
1395
01:10:17,000 --> 01:10:19,980
And how do you know I'm not?
1396
01:10:20,620 --> 01:10:22,480
Hey! No touching!
1397
01:10:23,690 --> 01:10:25,240
All right Dame Edna.
1398
01:10:25,590 --> 01:10:28,530
If you've sobered up, you're free to go.
1399
01:10:32,250 --> 01:10:34,100
Is something wrong, Mae?
1400
01:10:34,350 --> 01:10:35,460
Well....
1401
01:10:35,560 --> 01:10:38,080
Because I thought you took care of that "thing".
1402
01:10:38,330 --> 01:10:40,340
I tried.
1403
01:10:40,440 --> 01:10:41,650
What does that mean?
1404
01:10:41,900 --> 01:10:43,110
What are you two talking about?
1405
01:10:43,210 --> 01:10:45,720
God hates you! God hates you!
1406
01:10:45,820 --> 01:10:49,010
'Cause you're a faggot or a yankee or a jew jew jew.
1407
01:10:49,110 --> 01:10:51,310
--God hates you! God hates you!
-What the hell?
1408
01:10:51,410 --> 01:10:55,930
And he hates your filthy masturbating, too!
1409
01:11:11,410 --> 01:11:13,200
Stop!
1410
01:11:13,450 --> 01:11:14,830
What are you people doing?
1411
01:11:15,080 --> 01:11:16,520
Irene! Where have you been?
1412
01:11:16,770 --> 01:11:18,010
"God hates you?"
1413
01:11:18,210 --> 01:11:20,000
Yeah, but only if you're a faggot.
1414
01:11:20,100 --> 01:11:21,210
Or a yankee.
1415
01:11:21,310 --> 01:11:21,860
Or a slut.
1416
01:11:21,960 --> 01:11:22,670
Or a masturbator.
1417
01:11:22,770 --> 01:11:24,070
-Or a banker
-Or a real estate agent
1418
01:11:24,170 --> 01:11:25,160
-Or Catholic
-Or castrated.
1419
01:11:25,270 --> 01:11:25,960
-Or blind
-Or deaf
1420
01:11:26,080 --> 01:11:27,670
-Or disfigured
-Or tattooed.
1421
01:11:27,770 --> 01:11:29,550
-Oh have long hair
-Or born out of wedlock
1422
01:11:29,650 --> 01:11:31,510
-Or a woman teacher
-Or a foul mouthed child.
1423
01:11:31,610 --> 01:11:35,560
Or a slave owner who beats his
slaves too death too quickly.
1424
01:11:35,660 --> 01:11:37,310
Stop! Just stop!
1425
01:11:37,410 --> 01:11:39,440
But why? We're just doing what the Bible says?
1426
01:11:39,540 --> 01:11:41,600
It also says "Love thy neighbor!"
1427
01:11:41,850 --> 01:11:45,230
Does any of this look like that to you?
1428
01:11:47,440 --> 01:11:48,960
Hold still baby.
1429
01:11:49,210 --> 01:11:50,860
Did you get any in your eye?
1430
01:11:51,110 --> 01:11:52,070
Mom?
1431
01:11:52,850 --> 01:11:54,240
I can't believe you're here.
1432
01:11:55,120 --> 01:11:58,040
Well, I just wanted to...
1433
01:11:59,260 --> 01:12:00,580
I kind of had to...
1434
01:12:07,160 --> 01:12:08,890
I'm glad you came.
1435
01:12:12,190 --> 01:12:13,550
And this must be Brian.
1436
01:12:13,800 --> 01:12:15,080
I think we've met.
1437
01:12:15,330 --> 01:12:18,260
Not officially. I'm Chase's mother.
1438
01:12:20,730 --> 01:12:23,230
Are you really sure about this?
1439
01:12:23,480 --> 01:12:25,430
Yeah mom.
1440
01:12:27,810 --> 01:12:29,660
I love him something awful.
1441
01:12:32,500 --> 01:12:33,950
Well, I wanted to...
1442
01:12:35,580 --> 01:12:38,040
I have to...
1443
01:12:44,900 --> 01:12:47,550
You take care of my boy.
1444
01:12:51,630 --> 01:12:53,930
Don't you people have somewhere to be?
1445
01:12:54,180 --> 01:12:57,210
It's Sunday! For God's sake get to church!
1446
01:12:57,310 --> 01:12:57,910
But Irene...
1447
01:12:57,910 --> 01:13:00,000
I said "git!"
1448
01:14:00,000 --> 01:14:03,910
You know, I think it's high time those
boys gave us some grandchildren!
1449
01:14:04,160 --> 01:14:07,540
I wouldn't mind having some nieces
and nephews running around.
1450
01:14:07,790 --> 01:14:09,360
I'll help baby sit!
1451
01:14:09,610 --> 01:14:11,960
I always did like the sound of "Auntie Fantasia".
1452
01:14:12,210 --> 01:14:15,550
Not that we would meddle
with their lives or anything.
1453
01:14:15,800 --> 01:14:17,750
Of course not.
1454
01:14:18,000 --> 01:14:19,800
Even if it's for their own good.
1455
01:14:19,900 --> 01:14:21,420
So.
1456
01:14:21,700 --> 01:14:23,930
What do you ladies have in mind?
1457
01:14:25,600 --> 01:14:40,330
(Excited chatter)
104850
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