All language subtitles for The Simpsons S30E17 E My Sports

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,827 --> 00:00:06,827 For subtitling services, contatct: waqas.zahoor89@gmail.com 2 00:00:08,591 --> 00:00:10,134 Sorry, Dad, 3 00:00:10,135 --> 00:00:12,010 but it looks like I've conquered you at Risk, 4 00:00:12,011 --> 00:00:13,721 - bankrupted you at Monopoly... - Hmm. Hmm. 5 00:00:13,722 --> 00:00:15,889 ...and aggravated you at Aggravation. 6 00:00:15,890 --> 00:00:17,307 Well, with you as a daughter, 7 00:00:17,308 --> 00:00:19,143 I'm a winner in the game of Life. 8 00:00:19,144 --> 00:00:20,728 Although, I lost that, too. 9 00:00:20,729 --> 00:00:22,688 Such a good father. 10 00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:24,690 Everyone is really getting along. 11 00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:26,734 What the hell is going on? 12 00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:28,819 There's no Bart. 13 00:00:28,820 --> 00:00:30,821 - You're right. - Where is he? 14 00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:32,364 Ladies, relax. 15 00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:34,491 Remember when I said I'd punish Bart 16 00:00:34,492 --> 00:00:37,828 after he got us... banned from the buffet? 17 00:00:40,832 --> 00:00:42,791 I can't shut it off. 18 00:00:42,792 --> 00:00:46,754 Someone wedged a seasonal Tuscan focaccia in the lever! 19 00:00:48,339 --> 00:00:51,800 Well, Homie, whatever punishment you gave him must have worked. 20 00:00:51,801 --> 00:00:55,220 Yep, tough love. I'm his father, not his best friend. 21 00:00:55,221 --> 00:00:58,515 He'll hate me now, but someday he'll say wonderful things 22 00:00:58,516 --> 00:01:02,102 about me to people on airplanes who just want to go to sleep. 23 00:01:02,103 --> 00:01:04,730 - That young man will... - How did you punish him? 24 00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:07,816 Well, I sat the boy down, looked him straight in the eye, 25 00:01:07,817 --> 00:01:11,111 and bought him a top-of-the-line computer gaming rig. 26 00:01:11,112 --> 00:01:13,447 - You what? - I get it. You bribed him. 27 00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:15,741 Stay out of this. I did not bribe him. 28 00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:18,285 I addicted him to something that will numb his spirit 29 00:01:18,286 --> 00:01:20,788 until he's no longer our responsibility. 30 00:01:20,789 --> 00:01:23,665 Well, it has been pretty peaceful around here. 31 00:01:23,666 --> 00:01:26,794 Kill! Die! Die! Get wrecked, newbs! 32 00:01:29,964 --> 00:01:31,632 This is General Splattin'. Do you copy? 33 00:01:31,633 --> 00:01:33,217 - Copy. - Copy. 34 00:01:33,218 --> 00:01:34,718 Jinx. You me a Coke. 35 00:01:34,719 --> 00:01:37,221 I'll never be able to pay that bet. 36 00:01:37,222 --> 00:01:38,597 Focus, Nelson, focus. 37 00:01:38,598 --> 00:01:40,557 Kite the enemy into a gank. Squeeze it... 38 00:01:40,558 --> 00:01:42,893 on three... two... 39 00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:44,061 GG! 40 00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:45,562 That means "good game." 41 00:01:45,563 --> 00:01:49,274 It's how the other team lets you know... they surrender! 42 00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:50,901 Mm. 43 00:01:50,902 --> 00:01:53,529 Now I hit control-six to defile their corpses. 44 00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:54,863 Haw-haw! Haw-haw! 45 00:01:54,864 --> 00:01:57,033 Haw-haw! 46 00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:05,290 Civilized annihilation. 47 00:02:05,291 --> 00:02:08,293 Marge, the boy just may be learning some life skills. 48 00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:10,295 Mom, do you agree with this? 49 00:02:10,296 --> 00:02:13,131 I guess so. Your father is showing an interest in Bart, 50 00:02:13,132 --> 00:02:14,299 which is good. 51 00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:16,009 Well, if that's how things work, 52 00:02:16,010 --> 00:02:17,845 then I'm gonna behave badly, too. 53 00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:22,516 - That's great! - Sure you are. 54 00:02:22,517 --> 00:02:25,936 I'll show you! I'm gonna... tear up my homework. 55 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:30,941 I'm really gonna do this. Here I go. 56 00:02:30,942 --> 00:02:34,945 Actually, this bibliography could be improved. 57 00:02:36,614 --> 00:02:38,991 Island of the Blue Dolphins. 58 00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:41,326 Ibid. Ibid. Ibid. Ibid. 59 00:02:41,327 --> 00:02:43,620 Op cit. Ibid. Ibid. Ibid. 60 00:02:43,621 --> 00:02:45,497 Ibid. Ibid. Ibid. 61 00:02:47,458 --> 00:02:49,960 Bart's been in the shower for an hour. 62 00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:51,879 With a young man that age, 63 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:55,173 there's only one reason he's in the bathroom that long. 64 00:02:55,174 --> 00:02:57,634 Skunk sprayed him good. 65 00:02:57,635 --> 00:03:00,345 Oh, my God, he's playing with himself! 66 00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:01,847 On that game. 67 00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:04,683 He's playing that game in the shower? 68 00:03:04,684 --> 00:03:06,393 We have to stop this right now. 69 00:03:06,394 --> 00:03:07,936 Homer, take care of your son. 70 00:03:07,937 --> 00:03:09,730 Make him quit. Geez. 71 00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:12,107 Sorry, boy, I have to put my foot down. 72 00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:13,442 I can't quit now. 73 00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:15,027 My team's about to compete in a tournament. 74 00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,445 I can't let them down. 75 00:03:16,446 --> 00:03:19,197 Well, team building is important. 76 00:03:19,198 --> 00:03:22,243 All right, let yourself go, and your partner will support you. 77 00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:27,289 Damn you, Homer! 78 00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:30,000 Please, Dad, can I play in this one last tournament? 79 00:03:30,001 --> 00:03:31,335 Sorry, boy, you're through. 80 00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:33,420 First prize is a thousand bucks. 81 00:03:33,421 --> 00:03:35,130 You get paid to play video games? 82 00:03:35,131 --> 00:03:36,340 A thousand bucks. 83 00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:38,091 - They actually pay you? - Yes. 84 00:03:38,092 --> 00:03:39,843 - In dollars? - Yes. 85 00:03:39,844 --> 00:03:42,012 - To play a video game? - That's right. 86 00:03:42,013 --> 00:03:44,556 - They pay you in cash? - Yes, yes, yes! 87 00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:46,016 - How much? - A thousand! 88 00:03:46,017 --> 00:03:47,893 All right. Do not tell your mom, 89 00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:49,895 but I'm gonna say yes, one last tournament. 90 00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:51,188 Oh, thank you, Dad. 91 00:03:51,189 --> 00:03:53,065 Just one thing-- they actually pay you? 92 00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:54,483 Yes! 93 00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:58,070 A thousand dollars to play video games? 94 00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:02,532 Group up. Time to put these suckers away. 95 00:04:02,533 --> 00:04:04,827 Oh, yeah, show me some Gs, Odgenville. 96 00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:12,000 We win! And it's all because I let them do it. 97 00:04:12,001 --> 00:04:15,003 Now, apparently, the Evergreen Terrors have won, 98 00:04:15,004 --> 00:04:17,965 uh, this thing I don't understand at all, 99 00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:21,426 but which gave the school new basketball nets. 100 00:04:21,427 --> 00:04:26,265 Now to hand you your prize money, which is $1,000 cash. 101 00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:30,102 Let go, Seymour. 102 00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:31,645 I'm telling myself to. 103 00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:33,855 I've never held this much money in my hand all at once. 104 00:04:33,856 --> 00:04:35,565 Let me just, uh... 105 00:04:35,566 --> 00:04:37,859 look at it. 106 00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:42,114 $100 bill, autographed by Lawrence Summers. 107 00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:45,075 Such a carefree signature, before the Great Recession. 108 00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:46,827 Mm. 109 00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:50,497 Here you go, $200 each. Mm! 110 00:04:50,498 --> 00:04:53,125 Okay, team, take a break and meet up for practice in 30. 111 00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:55,252 My dad said we could all go to Krusty Burger. 112 00:04:55,253 --> 00:04:57,129 Is he giving us a discount? 113 00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:59,047 No, he just said we could go. 114 00:04:59,048 --> 00:05:01,591 It'll be nice to have some kids in there again, 115 00:05:01,592 --> 00:05:04,970 after what the monkey did during that birthday party. 116 00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:06,930 Whatever. Just meet in 30. 117 00:05:06,931 --> 00:05:08,807 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You know what, kids? 118 00:05:08,808 --> 00:05:10,142 I'm gonna blow your minds 119 00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:12,477 with a little bit of hard-earned advice: 120 00:05:12,478 --> 00:05:14,896 - Quit while you're ahead. - Huh? 121 00:05:14,897 --> 00:05:16,982 We can't quit. There's so many more tournaments. 122 00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:18,900 You won one video game tournament. 123 00:05:18,901 --> 00:05:20,902 This isn't like baseball or politics 124 00:05:20,903 --> 00:05:22,362 where you can make real money. 125 00:05:22,363 --> 00:05:25,198 You only have one childhood, kids. Enjoy it. 126 00:05:25,199 --> 00:05:27,534 Okay, but because we came in first 127 00:05:27,535 --> 00:05:30,996 we qualified for a tournament where we could win $500,000. 128 00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:32,831 Childhood's over. It's time for work. 129 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:40,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 130 00:05:42,383 --> 00:05:44,676 Hmm. Hmm? 131 00:05:44,677 --> 00:05:45,969 That's right, sweetie. 132 00:05:45,970 --> 00:05:48,890 I'm going to make your brother a champion. 133 00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:51,975 Knock off that racket! 134 00:05:51,976 --> 00:05:53,435 You're gonna defy Mom? 135 00:05:53,436 --> 00:05:55,395 - Sit on my knee, boy. - I think I'm too old. 136 00:05:55,396 --> 00:05:57,856 You're never too old to sit on Daddy's knee. 137 00:05:57,857 --> 00:05:59,733 Ow, my knee! Get off! Get off! 138 00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:03,653 Son, here's a life lesson: 139 00:06:03,654 --> 00:06:06,198 I don't directly tell your mother anything bad. 140 00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:09,326 I secretly make her a part of everything she's against. 141 00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:12,370 That's why I spent your winnings on her. 142 00:06:12,547 --> 00:06:14,465 Honey, I got you a present. 143 00:06:14,466 --> 00:06:16,592 An espresso pod machine, 144 00:06:16,593 --> 00:06:19,220 like the one I made fun of at the Hibberts'. 145 00:06:19,221 --> 00:06:22,807 Because you wanted it yourself. Let me pod you, my dear. 146 00:06:22,808 --> 00:06:25,851 Ooh! What's the occasion? 147 00:06:25,852 --> 00:06:27,770 The occasion is that I haven't been 148 00:06:27,771 --> 00:06:30,065 as good of a father as I should. 149 00:06:31,149 --> 00:06:32,900 Yes. Well, no, uh... 150 00:06:32,901 --> 00:06:34,402 Don't argue. It's true. 151 00:06:34,403 --> 00:06:36,320 I need to get more involved in Bart's life, 152 00:06:36,321 --> 00:06:38,406 so I've decided to be his coach. 153 00:06:38,407 --> 00:06:40,616 That's wonderful. Coaching what? 154 00:06:40,617 --> 00:06:42,785 Oh, I haven't landed on it yet. 155 00:06:42,786 --> 00:06:45,246 Football, chess, maybe even a silly video game. 156 00:06:45,247 --> 00:06:47,748 It doesn't matter. Have some coffee. 157 00:06:47,749 --> 00:06:49,750 I love how it doesn't fill the cup. 158 00:06:49,751 --> 00:06:52,003 Very European. Mmm. 159 00:06:52,004 --> 00:06:54,006 - It's a video game. - What? 160 00:06:56,049 --> 00:06:59,010 I guess if you're spending time together, what's the harm? 161 00:06:59,011 --> 00:07:01,846 Look who's a dad. Look who's a dad. 162 00:07:01,847 --> 00:07:03,639 I knew you'd be cool with it. 163 00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:05,725 Also, I hired a video game expert to tutor Bart. 164 00:07:05,726 --> 00:07:07,101 His name is The Detonator. 165 00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:13,524 "I can't make conversation unless it's about gaming." 166 00:07:13,525 --> 00:07:16,068 Do you want to come in? 167 00:07:16,069 --> 00:07:19,071 Do you want to go where they're playing the game? 168 00:07:19,072 --> 00:07:20,698 Thank you, ma'am. 169 00:07:20,699 --> 00:07:23,659 Homer, I've watched Bart play-- here, on his Twitch feed, 170 00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:25,953 and his HitForm, InstaBox, Gibtrack, Buzuba, 171 00:07:25,954 --> 00:07:27,330 and YergaPunch streams. 172 00:07:27,331 --> 00:07:30,124 Hmm, the only word I recognized was Gibtrack. 173 00:07:30,125 --> 00:07:32,501 I think Bart has what it takes to be top ten. 174 00:07:32,502 --> 00:07:34,503 - Players? In the country? - Bigger. 175 00:07:34,504 --> 00:07:36,339 - The galaxy? - Smaller. 176 00:07:36,340 --> 00:07:37,548 - World? - Yes. 177 00:07:37,549 --> 00:07:38,841 Whoo-hoo. 178 00:07:38,842 --> 00:07:40,968 Kids, make sure you're in a chair that spins. 179 00:07:40,969 --> 00:07:42,887 You're all gonna get a lesson from The Detonator. 180 00:07:42,888 --> 00:07:44,472 Let's jump into a battle. 181 00:07:44,473 --> 00:07:46,807 To start, Bart and Nelson, we'll put you up front, 182 00:07:46,808 --> 00:07:48,726 and we'll back you up with Sophie and Milhouse. 183 00:07:48,727 --> 00:07:50,227 Booyah! 184 00:07:50,228 --> 00:07:51,937 Notice my finger is clicking the mouse 185 00:07:51,938 --> 00:07:53,147 with a light, quick stroke 186 00:07:53,148 --> 00:07:54,607 to limit joint fatigue and tracking error. 187 00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:56,317 I'm clicking like the mouse button is hot. 188 00:07:56,318 --> 00:07:57,943 Not too hot; like the top of a toaster 189 00:07:57,944 --> 00:07:59,528 after an underdone bagel. 190 00:07:59,529 --> 00:08:02,740 Okay, now I'm using that quick mouse stroke here and here, 191 00:08:02,741 --> 00:08:05,076 which is how, Bart, you should drop diamonite mines 192 00:08:05,077 --> 00:08:06,619 to surround their spawn points. 193 00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:08,329 Milhouse, make sure you're in position 194 00:08:08,330 --> 00:08:09,872 to respond to enemy aggression. 195 00:08:09,873 --> 00:08:12,750 Sophie, when they make their move, go in and engage. 196 00:08:12,751 --> 00:08:15,961 My dad's been engaged 20 times. I know what to do. 197 00:08:15,962 --> 00:08:17,505 Okay, now we're entering the mid-game, 198 00:08:17,506 --> 00:08:19,757 where it's important to keep focusing on major objectives 199 00:08:19,758 --> 00:08:21,300 and control the map. 200 00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:23,803 Okay, Homer, you watch the screen while I take a quick A.P. 201 00:08:23,804 --> 00:08:25,012 What's an A.P.? 202 00:08:25,013 --> 00:08:27,014 It's a gamer abbreviation for "a pee." 203 00:08:27,015 --> 00:08:28,933 Nerd lingo. Saves so much time. 204 00:08:28,934 --> 00:08:30,434 All right, I'm walking 205 00:08:30,435 --> 00:08:31,685 through the kitchen, 206 00:08:31,686 --> 00:08:33,104 blue-haired woman is feeding a baby. 207 00:08:33,105 --> 00:08:34,522 I'm making eye contact. 208 00:08:34,523 --> 00:08:37,525 Your shoes have lace holes but no laces. 209 00:08:37,526 --> 00:08:39,360 Linoleum, linoleum. 210 00:08:39,361 --> 00:08:41,404 Strafing into the bathroom, gonna go into defuel mode. 211 00:08:41,405 --> 00:08:43,030 Lifting seat with shoe. 212 00:08:43,031 --> 00:08:44,865 Pro tip: Going over the belt saves time. 213 00:08:44,866 --> 00:08:46,117 Shaking, flushing and hand washing 214 00:08:46,118 --> 00:08:47,910 are the real time killers. 215 00:08:47,911 --> 00:08:50,538 Once I cut those out, my lag time went way down. 216 00:08:50,539 --> 00:08:53,207 Okay, these Water Mages have fuel tanks on their backs, 217 00:08:53,208 --> 00:08:55,000 so you can't hit them with standard spells, 218 00:08:55,001 --> 00:08:58,546 but if I equip this staff that lets me cast lava quadballs... 219 00:08:58,547 --> 00:09:02,299 I mistimed it. Oh, God, I mistimed. They killed me. 220 00:09:02,300 --> 00:09:05,261 Do you mind if I dance over your corpse? 221 00:09:05,262 --> 00:09:06,679 I'd be mad if you didn't. 222 00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:09,265 - It's over for me. - Why? 223 00:09:09,266 --> 00:09:11,600 I just lost my gaming edge. Right there, just now. 224 00:09:11,601 --> 00:09:13,686 Been in the zone for years, and now I'm not. 225 00:09:13,687 --> 00:09:16,021 Time in a bottle, man, time in a bottle. 226 00:09:16,022 --> 00:09:18,065 But you were gonna mold my team into winners, 227 00:09:18,066 --> 00:09:19,650 and I was gonna live through them. 228 00:09:19,651 --> 00:09:21,235 Just yesterday, I turned 19. 229 00:09:21,236 --> 00:09:23,237 Made it longer than most in this crazy biz. 230 00:09:23,238 --> 00:09:25,948 Anyway, I'm gonna go work for my uncle. He owns a tile store. 231 00:09:25,949 --> 00:09:28,576 It'll be a good life. Good enough. 232 00:09:28,577 --> 00:09:30,327 Sucks to be old. 233 00:09:30,328 --> 00:09:32,913 I didn't cry at my grandpa's funeral, 234 00:09:32,914 --> 00:09:36,500 mostly because he was racist, but I'm crying now. 235 00:09:48,430 --> 00:09:52,308 He taught us all he could. Now it's up to me. 236 00:09:52,309 --> 00:09:55,311 - Do we get uniforms? - No. No uniforms. 237 00:09:55,312 --> 00:09:57,646 You're a ragtag bunch without any sponsors 238 00:09:57,647 --> 00:09:59,607 that'll have everyone rooting for you. 239 00:09:59,608 --> 00:10:01,859 Are you kids ready to turn this thing you like 240 00:10:01,860 --> 00:10:04,695 into something that will consume every waking minute? 241 00:10:04,696 --> 00:10:06,864 - Maybe! - Hit the music! 242 00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:19,251 Kids, you need to practice 10,000 hours to get great. 243 00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:20,669 Are you sure? 244 00:10:20,670 --> 00:10:23,589 It's how long Malcolm Gladwell needed to think it up. 245 00:10:23,590 --> 00:10:26,425 ♪ Bart is a champion ♪ 246 00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:29,178 ♪ Which makes me a champion ♪ 247 00:10:29,179 --> 00:10:32,348 - ♪ I am the champion of the... ♪ - Homer. 248 00:10:32,349 --> 00:10:33,933 ♪ World. ♪ Yes, Marge? 249 00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:37,228 I've noticed how much time you've been spending with Bart. 250 00:10:37,229 --> 00:10:38,646 I know what's coming. 251 00:10:38,647 --> 00:10:41,106 I'm riding him too hard, and you want me to pull back. 252 00:10:41,107 --> 00:10:43,108 - No. - What the...? 253 00:10:43,109 --> 00:10:45,861 Honestly, I worry so much about that boy, 254 00:10:45,862 --> 00:10:49,240 I'm afraid he's going to wind up in jail. 255 00:10:49,241 --> 00:10:51,742 Marge, his kill count is 98%. 256 00:10:51,743 --> 00:10:53,619 Guys like that don't end up in jail. 257 00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:57,122 And I promise you, I will coach him as hard as I can. 258 00:10:57,123 --> 00:10:59,917 But will you also coach him to be a good man? 259 00:10:59,918 --> 00:11:01,835 That's Flanders' job. 260 00:11:01,836 --> 00:11:03,796 - I'm on it. - Aw. 261 00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:05,507 Mm. 262 00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:17,434 Homer Simpson? Go right in. 263 00:11:17,435 --> 00:11:19,895 Welcome, Homer. Welcome to the club of dads 264 00:11:19,896 --> 00:11:23,232 who live through their glorious athletic children. 265 00:11:23,233 --> 00:11:25,109 Tiger Woods' father. 266 00:11:25,110 --> 00:11:28,696 Hey, I have a name, although I've forgotten it. 267 00:11:28,697 --> 00:11:30,364 Okay, so it's 5:00 in the morning. 268 00:11:30,365 --> 00:11:31,657 My son is four. 269 00:11:31,658 --> 00:11:33,534 He hits the boards and starts bleeding. 270 00:11:33,535 --> 00:11:35,244 His elbow's sticking out of his skin. 271 00:11:35,245 --> 00:11:36,453 Ew! 272 00:11:36,454 --> 00:11:38,205 Yeah, I got my camera, and he says, 273 00:11:38,206 --> 00:11:40,332 "Daddy, what are you doing?" 274 00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:43,669 I said, "I'm filming the last time you are ever gonna cry." 275 00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:49,091 - Oh, that is great. - Ha. Excellent coaching. 276 00:11:49,092 --> 00:11:50,634 Really? It's not mean? 277 00:11:50,635 --> 00:11:53,012 Homer, we're obsessive sports fathers, 278 00:11:53,013 --> 00:11:54,805 so we're gonna teach you how to motivate 279 00:11:54,806 --> 00:11:56,932 - the only way we know how. - Don't hit me. 280 00:11:56,933 --> 00:11:58,517 Oh, we're gonna hit you, all right. 281 00:11:58,518 --> 00:12:00,394 With a song. 282 00:12:00,395 --> 00:12:02,563 ♪ ♪ 283 00:12:02,564 --> 00:12:04,398 ♪ Never wanted Roland-Garros ♪ 284 00:12:04,399 --> 00:12:06,400 ♪ Never made it to the show ♪ 285 00:12:06,401 --> 00:12:08,402 ♪ Never won the Stanley Cup trophy ♪ 286 00:12:08,403 --> 00:12:10,821 ♪ For five years in a row ♪ 287 00:12:10,822 --> 00:12:14,325 ♪ There's nothing in our lives that we ever really did ♪ 288 00:12:14,326 --> 00:12:16,785 ♪ Except made our child a superstar ♪ 289 00:12:16,786 --> 00:12:19,204 ♪ And lived through our kid ♪ 290 00:12:19,205 --> 00:12:21,498 ♪ Live, live through your kid ♪ 291 00:12:21,499 --> 00:12:23,959 ♪ Wake him up at 5:00 ♪ 292 00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:25,628 ♪ Live, live through your kid ♪ 293 00:12:25,629 --> 00:12:29,340 ♪ It's the only way to feel alive ♪ 294 00:12:29,341 --> 00:12:31,300 ♪ Strap him to a hockey stick ♪ 295 00:12:31,301 --> 00:12:33,469 ♪ While he is still asleep in bed ♪ 296 00:12:33,470 --> 00:12:36,055 ♪ Build a scary dragon to fire tennis balls ♪ 297 00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:37,473 ♪ Right at his head ♪ 298 00:12:37,474 --> 00:12:39,391 ♪ There's no training that's too torturous ♪ 299 00:12:39,392 --> 00:12:41,435 ♪ Or cruel to play this game ♪ 300 00:12:41,436 --> 00:12:43,437 ♪ Because when they win at Pebble Beach ♪ 301 00:12:43,438 --> 00:12:46,273 ♪ You share in the fame ♪ 302 00:12:46,274 --> 00:12:50,402 ♪ Live, live through your kid, homeschooled by his mom ♪ 303 00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:53,656 ♪ Live, live through your kid ♪ 304 00:12:53,657 --> 00:12:55,741 ♪ They'll surely come to hate you ♪ 305 00:12:55,742 --> 00:12:58,369 ♪ But that's later on ♪ 306 00:12:58,370 --> 00:13:03,290 ♪ There is absolutely nothing like ♪ 307 00:13:03,291 --> 00:13:05,293 ♪ Living through ♪ 308 00:13:06,711 --> 00:13:10,215 ♪ Your kid. ♪ 309 00:13:12,217 --> 00:13:14,636 This is still part of the dream, Homer. 310 00:13:17,180 --> 00:13:18,806 No uniforms? 311 00:13:18,807 --> 00:13:20,474 I'm rooting for those underdogs. 312 00:13:20,475 --> 00:13:22,351 - Yay! - Yay! 313 00:13:22,352 --> 00:13:25,437 Yes, you are, and you don't even know why. 314 00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:27,940 I just said, it's the no uniforms. 315 00:13:27,941 --> 00:13:30,819 Not a clue. 316 00:13:32,362 --> 00:13:33,862 Poke and harness those trolls. 317 00:13:33,863 --> 00:13:35,739 On it. Nelson, get ready to back me up 318 00:13:35,740 --> 00:13:37,241 in case their heroes engage on me. 319 00:13:37,242 --> 00:13:38,701 On my way. 320 00:13:38,702 --> 00:13:41,120 - It's a trap! - They're ganking me. 321 00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:42,496 Damn it, they got me. 322 00:13:42,497 --> 00:13:43,706 Respawning in 30. 323 00:13:43,707 --> 00:13:45,958 They're control-sixing my corpse. 324 00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:47,543 We're gonna win. 325 00:13:50,296 --> 00:13:52,297 It's coming, Gordy. 326 00:13:52,298 --> 00:13:53,882 Hold on a minute. 327 00:13:53,883 --> 00:13:57,094 Bart Simpson has not given the "GG." 328 00:13:57,095 --> 00:14:00,013 And the diamonite mine he planted in the dragon turds 329 00:14:00,014 --> 00:14:02,850 is exploding now. 330 00:14:04,769 --> 00:14:07,604 Springfield is going to the world championships 331 00:14:07,605 --> 00:14:11,942 in Seoul, South Korea, while the Canadian team is out. 332 00:14:11,943 --> 00:14:13,193 - Huh? - "Out"? 333 00:14:13,194 --> 00:14:15,195 "Oot." 334 00:14:15,196 --> 00:14:17,573 - Yo, what the...? Oh, come on, what's that all about? 335 00:14:17,574 --> 00:14:18,949 And I am, too. 336 00:14:18,950 --> 00:14:20,576 This is the last match I'll announce. 337 00:14:20,577 --> 00:14:22,870 I'm going to spend my time oil painting, 338 00:14:22,871 --> 00:14:25,206 but my wife says not in the house. 339 00:14:28,042 --> 00:14:29,710 Hey, sweetie, what's going on? 340 00:14:29,711 --> 00:14:32,129 I'm only talking to you now to prove a point. 341 00:14:32,130 --> 00:14:34,131 You've been spending all your time with Bart, 342 00:14:34,132 --> 00:14:36,884 and you haven't paid any attention to me at all. 343 00:14:36,885 --> 00:14:39,136 And I know you're just gonna respond with a, 344 00:14:39,137 --> 00:14:42,055 "That's nice, honey," and move on. I know it. 345 00:14:42,056 --> 00:14:43,474 That's nice, honey. 346 00:14:43,475 --> 00:14:46,226 Bart and I are going to South Korea. 347 00:14:46,227 --> 00:14:49,521 It'll be great, Lisa. We'll have girls time here. 348 00:14:49,522 --> 00:14:51,857 Bake cookies, see the movies we want to see. 349 00:14:51,858 --> 00:14:55,027 Mom, I try to spare you because I don't want you feeling 350 00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:58,864 thoroughly appropriate guilt for what this family does to me, 351 00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:01,575 but now one of my dreams is within my grasp. 352 00:15:01,576 --> 00:15:03,202 See? 353 00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:07,080 I want to go to South Korea, to the Jogyesa Buddhist monastery, 354 00:15:07,081 --> 00:15:10,834 because they teach something there so special, so magic, 355 00:15:10,835 --> 00:15:12,419 it could be life-changing. 356 00:15:12,420 --> 00:15:16,006 It just never seemed possible, and I had to accept it. 357 00:15:16,007 --> 00:15:18,217 I'm holding onto a thin rope here, 358 00:15:18,218 --> 00:15:21,261 because if Bart and Dad go to Seoul and I miss out, 359 00:15:21,262 --> 00:15:22,679 I'll lose my grip. 360 00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:24,473 I'm losing it now! 361 00:15:24,474 --> 00:15:28,268 Hear me, hear me, dear God, someone hear me. 362 00:15:28,269 --> 00:15:30,479 Help me before it's too late! 363 00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:32,272 Girls trip to South Korea. 364 00:15:32,273 --> 00:15:34,024 Oh, thank you, Mom. 365 00:15:34,025 --> 00:15:36,360 I'm going down to the basement to get my happy diary. 366 00:15:36,361 --> 00:15:37,570 You do that. 367 00:15:42,617 --> 00:15:45,411 ♪ ♪ 368 00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:51,667 Pretzels, M&M's, Pringles. 369 00:15:51,668 --> 00:15:53,836 It's a complete Thanksgiving dinner. 370 00:15:53,837 --> 00:15:55,754 Pringles are for champions only. 371 00:15:55,755 --> 00:15:57,464 Milhouse, can I have a word with you? 372 00:15:57,465 --> 00:16:00,342 Oh, no. This is never, ever good. 373 00:16:00,343 --> 00:16:02,636 Don't worry. This will be good. 374 00:16:02,637 --> 00:16:04,221 I lied. This is really bad. 375 00:16:04,222 --> 00:16:06,473 Son, the rules say that we get to swap in 376 00:16:06,474 --> 00:16:10,102 one player for this round, and I'm asking you to step down. 377 00:16:10,103 --> 00:16:12,604 I'm always the one that has to step down. 378 00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:14,398 That's why I chose you. 379 00:16:14,399 --> 00:16:17,568 - You've got rejection muscle. - Fine. 380 00:16:17,569 --> 00:16:19,987 Good boy. You're our Rudy. 381 00:16:19,988 --> 00:16:23,156 - Rudy got to play. - I didn't say which Rudy. 382 00:16:23,157 --> 00:16:26,702 Can't you give me a pity job, like scorekeeper? 383 00:16:26,703 --> 00:16:28,328 Fine, you're scorekeeper. 384 00:16:28,329 --> 00:16:30,539 I don't want your pity job. 385 00:16:30,540 --> 00:16:34,042 Dad, I think you need a little more salt in your diet. 386 00:16:34,043 --> 00:16:36,004 Where are you taking us? 387 00:16:40,550 --> 00:16:42,301 You know, I don't want to be here. 388 00:16:42,302 --> 00:16:43,803 Shh. We're here. 389 00:16:45,096 --> 00:16:47,139 Are you sure these are safe here? 390 00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:50,976 No, this whole temple is a scam to collect smelly shoes. 391 00:16:50,977 --> 00:16:53,020 I knew it. 392 00:16:53,021 --> 00:16:54,813 This is what I was talking about. 393 00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:56,440 These are salt mandalas. 394 00:16:56,441 --> 00:16:58,066 This will change our lives. 395 00:16:58,067 --> 00:17:00,152 Start pouring the salt. 396 00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:03,156 ♪ ♪ 397 00:17:06,534 --> 00:17:08,703 Yum. Mm. 398 00:17:10,955 --> 00:17:12,956 That's so beautiful. 399 00:17:12,957 --> 00:17:16,168 I finally understand why you had to come here. 400 00:17:16,169 --> 00:17:18,128 So how do we get it home? 401 00:17:18,129 --> 00:17:20,339 I worry about it in my carry-on. 402 00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:22,132 I'm gonna need a lot of glue. 403 00:17:22,133 --> 00:17:24,718 - We don't. We destroy it. - What? 404 00:17:24,719 --> 00:17:28,222 To prove attachment to any material pursuit is meaningless. 405 00:17:28,223 --> 00:17:30,974 I'll start. 406 00:17:30,975 --> 00:17:32,935 Mom, you're tidying it. 407 00:17:32,936 --> 00:17:35,312 Destroy it. 408 00:17:35,313 --> 00:17:37,439 Are you happy now? Because... 409 00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:40,150 I am. 410 00:17:40,151 --> 00:17:42,903 Yes. You've achieved Zen. 411 00:17:42,904 --> 00:17:45,072 Now you just have to do two more. 412 00:17:45,073 --> 00:17:47,283 - Hmm. - I'm gonna go check on Dad. 413 00:17:49,035 --> 00:17:52,037 You have been wasting your talents bowling. 414 00:17:52,038 --> 00:17:53,538 You have to destroy it. 415 00:17:53,539 --> 00:17:55,374 Never! Never! Never! 416 00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:57,168 Damn it! 417 00:17:59,963 --> 00:18:02,464 Now do you see it? Do you see the meaninglessness 418 00:18:02,465 --> 00:18:04,466 of striving for worldly things? 419 00:18:04,467 --> 00:18:06,969 I do. 420 00:18:06,970 --> 00:18:09,972 I am going to stop being so driven and ambitious... 421 00:18:09,973 --> 00:18:12,182 Don't you laugh, Missy. 422 00:18:12,183 --> 00:18:14,267 Amazing Zen. 423 00:18:14,268 --> 00:18:16,521 He's like the reincarnation of the Buddha. 424 00:18:19,107 --> 00:18:21,358 It is the Buddha. 425 00:18:21,359 --> 00:18:24,112 Great. Now I feel guilty I stole his shoes. 426 00:18:36,541 --> 00:18:37,708 ♪ ♪ 427 00:18:37,709 --> 00:18:39,668 We're in the late game, 428 00:18:39,669 --> 00:18:41,670 and the Evergreen Terrors have a narrow lead 429 00:18:41,671 --> 00:18:43,630 against the Brazilian Blowouts, but... 430 00:18:43,631 --> 00:18:46,134 where is Coach Homer Simpson? 431 00:18:49,470 --> 00:18:51,806 Competition is meaningless. 432 00:19:02,191 --> 00:19:04,067 To strive is to fail. 433 00:19:04,068 --> 00:19:07,029 Out of nowhere, the mind comes forth. 434 00:19:07,030 --> 00:19:09,699 And a third thing. 435 00:19:12,368 --> 00:19:15,288 Time for the lava quadball. 436 00:19:17,874 --> 00:19:20,459 We're gonna win. Dad's crazy coaching worked. 437 00:19:20,460 --> 00:19:24,338 If I win, I'll be the most famous girl gamer of all time. 438 00:19:24,339 --> 00:19:26,090 Also, if I lose. 439 00:19:27,341 --> 00:19:31,179 So beautiful. Must destroy. 440 00:19:37,185 --> 00:19:38,769 No! Not now. 441 00:19:45,443 --> 00:19:46,902 - The match is canceled. - No refunds. 442 00:19:46,903 --> 00:19:48,403 Send in the riot police. 443 00:20:06,172 --> 00:20:08,174 ♪ ♪ 444 00:20:20,686 --> 00:20:23,188 Uh, welcome to our 19-hour-and-45-minute flight 445 00:20:23,189 --> 00:20:25,690 from Seoul, South Korea to Springfield. 446 00:20:25,691 --> 00:20:28,860 One brief note: Our in-flight entertainment system 447 00:20:28,861 --> 00:20:30,445 is not working at all. 448 00:20:30,446 --> 00:20:32,030 Have a great flight, folks. 449 00:20:32,031 --> 00:20:34,032 Also, we're out of almonds. 450 00:20:34,033 --> 00:20:36,618 Zen. Remember your Zen. 451 00:20:36,619 --> 00:20:38,995 I'm sorry, you're too fat for coach. 452 00:20:38,996 --> 00:20:40,789 We'll have to put you in first class. 453 00:20:40,790 --> 00:20:43,625 Thanks to Buddha, I win again. 454 00:20:43,626 --> 00:20:46,503 Dad, I don't think you've quite grasped the religion. 455 00:20:46,504 --> 00:20:49,339 Two words: Boo-duh. 456 00:21:03,271 --> 00:21:06,273 We don't want you anymore. You blew it. 457 00:21:06,274 --> 00:21:09,276 Your son has a chance to be well-adjusted. 458 00:21:09,277 --> 00:21:11,695 Yeah, great. 459 00:21:11,696 --> 00:21:13,613 Wait, I've got a baby daughter. 460 00:21:13,614 --> 00:21:15,615 Maybe she's good at beach volleyball. 461 00:21:15,616 --> 00:21:17,117 How old is she? 462 00:21:17,118 --> 00:21:18,578 - One. - Too late. 463 00:21:31,174 --> 00:21:34,677 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 464 00:21:39,182 --> 00:21:40,474 Shh! 464 00:21:41,305 --> 00:21:47,741 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from OpenSubtitles.org 34600

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