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1
00:00:06,339 --> 00:00:07,940
Hey, Fred, you want
to grab something
2
00:00:07,941 --> 00:00:09,308
At the lunch box
with me?
3
00:00:09,309 --> 00:00:11,577
Jackie'll be there.
4
00:00:11,578 --> 00:00:13,746
As will your
unborn child.
5
00:00:15,148 --> 00:00:17,182
No, I got to stop
running after her.
6
00:00:17,183 --> 00:00:19,318
Think i've asked her out
10 times now.
7
00:00:19,319 --> 00:00:20,686
She always says now.
8
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:22,621
It's as if she doesn't
want to go out with me.
9
00:00:24,224 --> 00:00:26,992
Fred, allow me
to offer you
10
00:00:26,993 --> 00:00:28,527
A small dating tip.
11
00:00:29,896 --> 00:00:31,363
Ears.
12
00:00:33,099 --> 00:00:34,099
Excuse me?
13
00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:36,201
Jackie's a little
sensitive
14
00:00:36,202 --> 00:00:37,302
About her ears.
15
00:00:37,303 --> 00:00:38,504
She thinks
they're too big.
16
00:00:38,505 --> 00:00:40,005
Gee, I never noticed.
17
00:00:40,006 --> 00:00:42,207
Just like a man.
18
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,544
Trust me on this one.
19
00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:48,414
Every woman has a body
part they worry about.
20
00:00:48,415 --> 00:00:49,748
You zero in
on the right one,
21
00:00:49,749 --> 00:00:52,051
You can get anything
you want.
22
00:00:53,386 --> 00:00:55,621
Okay. Thanks.
23
00:00:55,622 --> 00:00:57,022
Dan.
Yeah?
24
00:00:57,023 --> 00:00:59,825
You're looking particularly
slender today.
25
00:01:04,664 --> 00:01:07,466
I'll put through that
raise immediately.
26
00:01:11,137 --> 00:01:13,172
Excuse me, does
Dan conner work here?
27
00:01:13,173 --> 00:01:15,074
No, he's the boss.
28
00:01:16,343 --> 00:01:17,743
Uh, i'm Phyllis Zimmer.
29
00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:19,812
I'm an old friend of
Danny's from high school.
30
00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:21,980
Do you think
it would be okay
if I went in there?
31
00:01:21,981 --> 00:01:24,116
Okay, but don't make
too much noise.
32
00:01:24,117 --> 00:01:25,718
I just put him
down for his nap.
33
00:01:32,492 --> 00:01:34,326
[valley girl accent]
oh, my god!
34
00:01:34,327 --> 00:01:36,862
It's Dan Conner,
the big football star.
35
00:01:36,863 --> 00:01:39,331
[gasps]
36
00:01:39,332 --> 00:01:42,468
I think he
looked at me.
37
00:01:42,469 --> 00:01:45,504
Phyllis Zimmer.
38
00:01:45,505 --> 00:01:48,307
My god!
39
00:01:48,308 --> 00:01:50,776
What in the world
are you doing here?
40
00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:52,778
Well, i'm in town
for a couple of days,
41
00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:55,447
And I was driving
by the school,
42
00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:57,950
And I got to thinking
about old times.
43
00:01:57,951 --> 00:01:59,718
You look terrific.
44
00:01:59,719 --> 00:02:01,353
Thanks.
45
00:02:01,354 --> 00:02:03,255
You look exactly
the same.
46
00:02:03,256 --> 00:02:05,057
No, I don't!
47
00:02:10,930 --> 00:02:13,132
So, uh, you in
charge of this place?
48
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:15,501
Oh, yeah! This is
my office, desk, chair.
49
00:02:15,502 --> 00:02:18,704
I usually wear a tie,
but today it was dirty.
50
00:02:18,705 --> 00:02:20,673
Very impressive.
51
00:02:21,908 --> 00:02:23,242
Who's that?
Nobody.
52
00:02:23,243 --> 00:02:26,178
But my family.
53
00:02:26,179 --> 00:02:27,846
Very nice.
54
00:02:27,847 --> 00:02:30,049
I see you're still
married to Roseanne.
55
00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:31,684
Oh, yeah.
56
00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:33,185
She's great.
57
00:02:38,224 --> 00:02:40,092
Am I making you
uncomfortable?
58
00:02:40,093 --> 00:02:42,928
I mean, you know,
because of our...thing.
59
00:02:42,929 --> 00:02:44,463
[scoffs]
aw, come on,
60
00:02:44,464 --> 00:02:46,665
Hey, hey, that
was 25 years ago.
61
00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:48,334
We were in
high school!
62
00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:50,669
Me and Roseanne were
broke up at the time.
63
00:02:52,572 --> 00:02:54,206
Roseanne ever
find out about us?
64
00:02:54,207 --> 00:02:56,041
Yeah.
65
00:02:56,042 --> 00:02:58,410
False, false,
crown, bridge.
66
00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:07,920
I guess she probably
wouldn't want us
to go to lunch then.
67
00:03:07,921 --> 00:03:09,788
Nah, she wouldn't care.
68
00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:14,860
She's be okay.
69
00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:20,132
She wouldn't mind.
70
00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:23,435
She could come with us.
71
00:03:23,436 --> 00:03:24,603
Yeah, she could,
she could.
72
00:03:24,604 --> 00:03:26,939
I could call her
and she could come,
73
00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:28,707
But she's working.
74
00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:30,209
Then it's just
you and me.
75
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:31,543
I guess so.
76
00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:33,679
Hey, we could go to
the place we used to go.
77
00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:35,114
Well, under
the bleachers
78
00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:36,648
Is an unusual
spot for lunch,
79
00:03:36,649 --> 00:03:38,117
But, hey,
what the hell?
80
00:03:39,786 --> 00:03:41,787
[nervous laugh]
81
00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:43,655
[theme]
82
00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:34,540
Hey, Jackie.
83
00:04:34,541 --> 00:04:36,075
Hi, Fred.
Think fast.
84
00:04:38,578 --> 00:04:40,045
Earrings?
85
00:04:40,046 --> 00:04:42,748
Oh, I can't take
these from you.
86
00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:44,817
Come on, I saw 'em
in a store
87
00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:46,218
And they just,
I don't know,
88
00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:47,619
Made me think
of your ears.
89
00:04:52,158 --> 00:04:53,692
What? What about 'em?
90
00:04:55,261 --> 00:04:57,863
They're just petite,
you know? Delicate.
91
00:04:57,864 --> 00:04:59,798
Oh, well, thanks.
92
00:05:03,203 --> 00:05:05,137
Can't really take
credit for that.
93
00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:07,873
Although I have
always tried
94
00:05:07,874 --> 00:05:09,274
To sleep on them
evenly.
95
00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:14,313
Well...Guess i'll
see you around.
96
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:15,914
You know, Fred, um...
97
00:05:15,915 --> 00:05:17,916
Maybe if we went out
to dinner again sometime
98
00:05:17,917 --> 00:05:19,485
It wouldn't
be that bad.
99
00:05:19,486 --> 00:05:20,519
Really?
100
00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:22,454
So if I asked you
to go out with me
101
00:05:22,455 --> 00:05:24,223
Tonight at 8:00
for dinner,
you'd say yes?
102
00:05:24,224 --> 00:05:25,824
Yeah, I would.
103
00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:27,693
That's good to know.
104
00:05:29,229 --> 00:05:30,162
Fred!
105
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:31,997
8:00?
106
00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:33,465
Yeah, deal.
107
00:05:33,466 --> 00:05:36,402
So what's Dan
doing today?
108
00:05:36,403 --> 00:05:39,405
Oh, he's having lunch
with some old friend
from high school.
109
00:05:39,406 --> 00:05:40,806
Oh, yeah? Who?
Maybe I know him.
110
00:05:40,807 --> 00:05:42,508
I think it was
phyllis zimmer.
111
00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:43,776
[gasps]
112
00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:47,646
My god, really?
113
00:05:47,647 --> 00:05:48,914
No, maybe not.
114
00:05:48,915 --> 00:05:51,116
Not if it's gonna get
Dan in trouble.
115
00:05:51,117 --> 00:05:52,851
Well, it could.
116
00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:54,520
They slept together
in high school.
117
00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:57,256
If Roseanne
finds out about this,
she's gonna freak out.
118
00:05:57,257 --> 00:05:58,891
Well, she doesn't
have to find out.
119
00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:01,393
Well, I can't lie
to my sister.
120
00:06:01,394 --> 00:06:02,995
I don't think
it would be wrong.
121
00:06:02,996 --> 00:06:05,764
No, I mean I can't
lie to my sister.
122
00:06:05,765 --> 00:06:07,733
I always try,
she can always tell.
123
00:06:07,734 --> 00:06:09,668
[Roseanne]
Jackie, come here a minute.
124
00:06:09,669 --> 00:06:10,803
I'm busy!
125
00:06:10,804 --> 00:06:12,104
No, you're not!
126
00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:13,872
See?
127
00:06:15,775 --> 00:06:18,344
Hi, Fred.
Where's Dan?
128
00:06:18,345 --> 00:06:20,379
Well, hey, look
what Fred gave me.
129
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,613
Look at that.
130
00:06:21,614 --> 00:06:24,683
Says he can't stop
thinking about my ears.
131
00:06:24,684 --> 00:06:25,984
That's sweet, isn't it.
132
00:06:25,985 --> 00:06:27,453
Just what you
want to hear
133
00:06:27,454 --> 00:06:29,455
From somebody
who's seen you naked.
134
00:06:36,196 --> 00:06:38,163
So, uh, Fred,
135
00:06:38,164 --> 00:06:39,865
How come Dan didn't
come down with you?
136
00:06:39,866 --> 00:06:41,033
Well, Dan couldn't come
137
00:06:41,034 --> 00:06:44,670
Because he had to have
lunch at a seminar.
138
00:06:46,506 --> 00:06:50,009
Had to go to a motor
seminar in Dekalb.
139
00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:53,912
Where they...seminar
on all the motors
140
00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:56,015
That they'll be using.
141
00:06:56,016 --> 00:06:58,050
Well, Fred, how come
you didn't go with him?
142
00:06:58,051 --> 00:06:59,218
Who, Fred?
143
00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:01,620
Well, Fred...
Fred was gonna go.
144
00:07:01,621 --> 00:07:03,989
And--and, uh...
145
00:07:03,990 --> 00:07:05,157
Fred?
146
00:07:07,327 --> 00:07:09,328
It's only for bosses.
147
00:07:09,329 --> 00:07:10,562
Ah.
148
00:07:10,563 --> 00:07:13,799
Well, I guess Dan
finally gets to lead
149
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:16,001
That glamorous
powerful life
150
00:07:16,002 --> 00:07:17,803
That he's always
dreamed of.
151
00:07:17,804 --> 00:07:20,039
I feel just like
Jackie Kennedy.
152
00:07:21,307 --> 00:07:23,275
It's only for bosses.
153
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:26,311
That's really amazing
the way you just did that.
154
00:07:26,312 --> 00:07:27,312
That's...
155
00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:31,817
Weren't lying about
my ears, were you?
156
00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:44,663
Hey, Jackie.
157
00:07:44,664 --> 00:07:46,031
Dan.
158
00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:51,704
Roseanne's
in the kitchen.
159
00:07:51,705 --> 00:07:53,839
Chicken's in the fridge.
160
00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:56,475
No, no, that's okay.
I already had lunch.
161
00:07:58,545 --> 00:08:00,646
Usual place.
162
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:03,349
I always eat
at the same place.
163
00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:06,618
I'm very loyal that way.
164
00:08:06,619 --> 00:08:09,955
I'm a very
loyal luncher.
165
00:08:11,725 --> 00:08:14,326
What exactly are we
saying about lunch, Jackie?
166
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:16,195
I know, Dan.
167
00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:19,732
Oh, jeez.
168
00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:21,433
What happened?
169
00:08:21,434 --> 00:08:23,502
What do you mean
what happened?
Nothing happened.
170
00:08:24,904 --> 00:08:26,205
All right,
I believe you,
171
00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:28,040
But it was still
really, really bad.
172
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:29,875
You took out the one
woman in the world
173
00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:31,810
Roseanne never wanted you
to see again to lunch.
174
00:08:31,811 --> 00:08:32,945
How could you do that?
175
00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:34,913
I don't know.
It was noon.
I was hungry.
176
00:08:36,282 --> 00:08:37,649
Remember how nuts she
went when she found out
177
00:08:37,650 --> 00:08:39,018
What you guys did
in high school?
178
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,486
Yeah, and we're
not gonna put her
179
00:08:40,487 --> 00:08:41,687
Through that again,
are we?
180
00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:42,888
No, of course not.
181
00:08:42,889 --> 00:08:45,324
Dan, Roseanne is very
sensitive about this.
182
00:08:45,325 --> 00:08:46,692
And we know how
dangerous she is
183
00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:47,693
When she gets
sensitive.
184
00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:49,728
So if you
don't tell her
185
00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:51,363
Then there's
no problem.
186
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:52,464
Yeah, there is!
187
00:08:52,465 --> 00:08:54,833
'cause you made me
lie to my sister.
188
00:08:54,834 --> 00:08:57,002
Oh, man, you
lied to her?
189
00:08:57,003 --> 00:08:58,804
She always knows
when you lie to her!
190
00:08:58,805 --> 00:08:59,805
It's okay.
191
00:08:59,806 --> 00:09:02,274
Told her a really
good one this time.
192
00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:04,009
[Roseanne]
Jackie, is that you?
193
00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:06,011
What are you doing?
194
00:09:06,012 --> 00:09:10,382
I'm...watching
the game with Dan.
195
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:12,117
Go, team!
196
00:09:13,820 --> 00:09:15,788
[tv on, changing channels]
197
00:09:15,789 --> 00:09:17,790
First down Buffaloat the 39 yard line.
198
00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:19,124
You are the worst!
199
00:09:19,125 --> 00:09:21,293
Jackie, get in here!
200
00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:22,594
What'd you tell her?
201
00:09:22,595 --> 00:09:25,698
I told her that
you went to Elgin
to a motor seminar.
202
00:09:25,699 --> 00:09:27,299
What the hell's
a motor seminar?
203
00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:28,334
I don't know!
204
00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:29,368
Ask Roseanne.
205
00:09:29,369 --> 00:09:30,903
She's the one
that bought it.
206
00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:37,309
Oh, milky way bars
in the pudding.
207
00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:38,744
What's the occasion?
208
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:39,812
[chuckles]
209
00:09:39,813 --> 00:09:41,880
Oh, Dan did the coolest
thing, you know?
210
00:09:41,881 --> 00:09:44,116
Right after he finished
with that motor seminar,
211
00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:46,485
He came right home,
he called in sick,
212
00:09:46,486 --> 00:09:48,187
And we spent
the whole afternoon,
213
00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:49,521
You know, doing it.
214
00:09:52,692 --> 00:09:55,761
He had sex with you
after...that?
215
00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:57,563
Oh, yeah, but it
wasn't just sex.
216
00:09:57,564 --> 00:09:59,398
I mean, it was like
the best sex
217
00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:02,134
We have ever had
since, uh...
218
00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:04,203
Since we started
having sex.
219
00:10:08,742 --> 00:10:10,676
My god!
220
00:10:10,677 --> 00:10:12,611
Oh, chill out,
Jackie.
221
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,046
It's not like
I told you
222
00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:15,881
That we did it
in here or nothing.
223
00:10:15,882 --> 00:10:17,416
We did it in here.
224
00:10:18,685 --> 00:10:19,952
Hey, girls.
225
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:21,854
What are you
talking about?
226
00:10:21,855 --> 00:10:24,923
Well, we're talking
about you?
Really?
227
00:10:24,924 --> 00:10:26,392
Yeah, I was just
telling Jackie
228
00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:28,360
How you were showing me
all that stuff
229
00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:30,929
That you learned
about motors.
230
00:10:30,930 --> 00:10:32,231
Vroom vroom!
231
00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:34,333
Oh, yeah, yeah.
232
00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:36,268
That trip to elgin
really paid off.
233
00:10:39,105 --> 00:10:40,906
I thought you said
it was in dekalb.
234
00:10:40,907 --> 00:10:43,676
Uh...
235
00:10:45,779 --> 00:10:47,179
Jackie said
it was Dekalb?
236
00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:49,148
No, no. Motor seminars
are always in Elgin.
237
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:51,917
What were you thinking?
I don't know.
238
00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:55,554
Elgin, Dekalb, I...
239
00:10:55,555 --> 00:10:57,489
See, it was originally
scheduled for Dekalb,
240
00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:58,991
And then they moved it
to Elgin.
241
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:00,959
They moved it to Elgin
from Dekalb.
242
00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:02,161
That explains it.
243
00:11:05,932 --> 00:11:09,201
Oh, I totally believe
everything that you guys
are saying.
244
00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:12,271
See, that makes liars
of all three of us.
245
00:11:15,241 --> 00:11:16,508
Okay.
246
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,482
Dan and I were planning
a big surprise party
247
00:11:23,483 --> 00:11:25,651
For your birthday
last month.
248
00:11:25,652 --> 00:11:28,654
I'm so bad at this.
249
00:11:28,655 --> 00:11:30,389
Look, Rosie.
250
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:32,491
Jackie thought she
could help me by lying,
251
00:11:32,492 --> 00:11:34,493
But the whole thing
is no big deal.
252
00:11:34,494 --> 00:11:35,994
I had lunch
with an old friend
253
00:11:35,995 --> 00:11:37,763
Who was passing
through town.
254
00:11:37,764 --> 00:11:39,431
We talked about you
the whole time.
255
00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:40,666
You remember
Phyllis Zimmer.
256
00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:42,334
God, she really
likes you.
257
00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:51,777
Honey, it was
only lunch.
258
00:11:51,778 --> 00:11:53,545
Honey?
Oh, god.
259
00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:56,882
This is really bad.
260
00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:58,183
Yeah, I know.
261
00:11:58,184 --> 00:12:00,652
Oh, no, I mean
this is really bad.
262
00:12:00,653 --> 00:12:02,187
I'm parked behind her.
263
00:12:08,762 --> 00:12:10,195
Oh, man.
264
00:12:10,196 --> 00:12:12,164
Rosie's never
left before.
265
00:12:12,165 --> 00:12:13,999
Well, never would
have happened
266
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:16,502
If you hadn't been
with another woman.
267
00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:17,803
"been with"?
268
00:12:17,804 --> 00:12:19,405
I had lunch
with Phyllis.
269
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:22,174
And?
And you lied
about it badly.
270
00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:25,344
And you came home
and had sex with Roseanne.
271
00:12:25,345 --> 00:12:27,379
How do you think
that made her feel?
272
00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:30,282
Pretty damn happy
judging from this pudding.
273
00:12:30,283 --> 00:12:33,052
No, it was
humiliating.
274
00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:34,386
Dan, you were thinking
about Phyllis
275
00:12:34,387 --> 00:12:36,522
While you were having
sex with Roseanne.
276
00:12:43,863 --> 00:12:47,166
Oh, well, that is just
completely and totally
not true!
277
00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:48,934
So there's no
connection at all
278
00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:51,103
Between you having
lunch with Phyllis today
279
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:52,404
And having sex
with Roseanne?
280
00:12:52,405 --> 00:12:53,806
For your information,
Jackie,
281
00:12:53,807 --> 00:12:55,974
I have had sex with
Roseanne many times
282
00:12:55,975 --> 00:12:57,376
Without having lunch
with Phyllis,
283
00:12:57,377 --> 00:12:59,478
So your whole theory
goes right out the window.
284
00:12:59,479 --> 00:13:01,146
Okay, I just got
one question.
285
00:13:01,147 --> 00:13:03,315
If you're completely innocent,
you did nothing wrong,
286
00:13:03,316 --> 00:13:05,617
Why do you think your wife
just stormed out that door?
287
00:13:07,854 --> 00:13:09,321
Why are you here?
288
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:11,957
You don't live here.
289
00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:13,692
You're not married to
anyone in this house.
290
00:13:13,693 --> 00:13:15,194
Why don't you go
out that door,
291
00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:16,462
Get a life of your own?
292
00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:19,431
Then you can screw that up
instead of messing with mine!
293
00:13:31,778 --> 00:13:34,346
You want to know
how innocent I am?
294
00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:37,216
I could have.
295
00:13:37,217 --> 00:13:38,584
Could have what?
296
00:13:38,585 --> 00:13:40,419
She wanted me,
Jackie.
297
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:44,123
How do you know that?
298
00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:46,058
Men know.
299
00:13:47,961 --> 00:13:49,895
She did the eyelash thing.
She did the hip thing.
300
00:13:49,896 --> 00:13:51,463
She did all the things.
301
00:13:52,799 --> 00:13:54,600
I could have had her
right then and there,
302
00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:56,368
But I never even
thought about it!
303
00:13:56,369 --> 00:13:58,604
You could have
"had her."
304
00:13:58,605 --> 00:14:00,472
The Ramada was
right next door.
305
00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:02,708
The vacancy sign
was on.
306
00:14:02,709 --> 00:14:04,643
And if I was a different
kind of guy,
307
00:14:04,644 --> 00:14:07,513
I could have had lunch,
Phyllis, a quick shower,
308
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:09,281
And been back
at work by 2:00.
309
00:14:12,786 --> 00:14:16,355
Well, it's a good thing
you never thought about it!
310
00:14:23,496 --> 00:14:25,931
[man on tv]that's how the weatheris shaping up today.
311
00:14:25,932 --> 00:14:27,933
Now back to Charlesin New York.
312
00:14:27,934 --> 00:14:30,035
Well, good morning, America.I'm Charles Gibson.
313
00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:31,103
And i'm Joan Lunden.
314
00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:32,938
[tv off]
315
00:14:32,939 --> 00:14:34,540
Rosie?
316
00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:37,509
Where is mom?
I need breakfast.
317
00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:43,082
She's not
in the bedroom?
318
00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:45,217
Nope. I don't think
she slept here.
319
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:46,885
The bed's not messed up.
320
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,355
Oh, don't be
silly, D.J.
321
00:14:49,356 --> 00:14:50,989
You know
how sometimes
322
00:14:50,990 --> 00:14:52,591
Your mom sleeps
on the floor
323
00:14:52,592 --> 00:14:54,626
Because she doesn't
want to make the bed.
324
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:57,996
Come on, i'll cook
you breakfast.
325
00:14:57,997 --> 00:15:00,132
You don't know
how to cook.
326
00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:02,368
I'll barbecue
you breakfast!
327
00:15:02,369 --> 00:15:05,771
So, how do you
like your eggs, sport?
328
00:15:05,772 --> 00:15:07,706
Hey, did you ever
see the movie Rocky?
329
00:15:11,945 --> 00:15:14,013
Mom didn't come
home, did she.
330
00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:17,016
Deej, you need to eat
some healthy food.
331
00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:19,885
Hey! How 'bout some
cream-style corn?
332
00:15:21,221 --> 00:15:22,788
I'm not hungry.
333
00:15:22,789 --> 00:15:25,891
I know, we can have mommy's
pudding for breakfast.
334
00:15:25,892 --> 00:15:28,794
It's fortified
with milky ways.
335
00:15:28,795 --> 00:15:30,162
Why aren't you
telling me
336
00:15:30,163 --> 00:15:31,330
Where mom is?
337
00:15:33,299 --> 00:15:36,769
Deej...
338
00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:39,304
Your mom and I had
a little fight last night.
339
00:15:39,305 --> 00:15:41,206
You guys always fight.
340
00:15:41,207 --> 00:15:44,043
Yeah, but this time
I guess I messed up
pretty good.
341
00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:48,147
You're not gonna get
a divorce, are you?
342
00:15:48,148 --> 00:15:49,615
I'm the only kid
in my class
343
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:51,784
Whose parents are
married to each other.
344
00:15:51,785 --> 00:15:54,219
Don't worry, son.
345
00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:56,221
Your mom's coming home.
346
00:15:56,222 --> 00:15:58,424
Everything's
gonna be okay.
347
00:15:58,425 --> 00:16:00,225
Why don't you go
upstairs and get ready,
348
00:16:00,226 --> 00:16:02,327
And i'll drive you
to school.
349
00:16:02,328 --> 00:16:04,263
[door opens, shuts]
350
00:16:05,699 --> 00:16:08,734
Hey. Roseanne
get back?
351
00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:10,135
Oh.
352
00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:12,137
Really scary, huh?
353
00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:13,939
Yeah, it is.
354
00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:19,445
You want me to
make you some coffee?
355
00:16:19,446 --> 00:16:21,113
Jackie, my wife's gone,
356
00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:23,015
My son is worried we're
gonna get a divorce,
357
00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:24,383
And it's all my fault.
358
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:28,420
I'll make you
a big pot.
359
00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:32,124
I don't know how I
could have been so selfish.
360
00:16:32,125 --> 00:16:33,459
Well, Dan, you
couldn't have known
361
00:16:33,460 --> 00:16:35,327
That Roseanne would
react so badly.
362
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:36,495
We've been married
long enough.
363
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:38,397
I should know exactly
how she'd react.
364
00:16:38,398 --> 00:16:41,133
Then why did you go
to lunch with phyllis?
365
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:44,737
'cause she walked in
366
00:16:44,738 --> 00:16:46,672
And it was like I
was 20 years younger.
367
00:16:50,210 --> 00:16:51,443
It just felt good.
368
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:56,482
Not many people make me
feel that way anymore.
369
00:16:56,483 --> 00:16:57,916
The last few years
i've just felt
370
00:16:57,917 --> 00:16:59,818
So damn resistible.
371
00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:02,621
Dan...That's crazy.
372
00:17:02,622 --> 00:17:03,922
Yeah, well, whatever.
373
00:17:03,923 --> 00:17:06,892
Dan, there's
a lot of women
374
00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:08,961
Find you
very attractive.
375
00:17:08,962 --> 00:17:10,429
Yeah, right.
376
00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:15,300
Who?
377
00:17:18,972 --> 00:17:21,040
You should hear what some
of the women customers
378
00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:22,975
Say about you down
at the lunch box.
379
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:28,781
What?
380
00:17:28,782 --> 00:17:31,750
Well, I promised
not to tell,
381
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:34,920
But let's just
say the phrase
382
00:17:34,921 --> 00:17:38,424
"fine piece of tail"
was used quite often.
383
00:17:41,461 --> 00:17:42,995
Jackie, you know,
you're getting
384
00:17:42,996 --> 00:17:45,097
A whole lot better
at this lying thing.
385
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,074
I'm back.
386
00:17:55,075 --> 00:17:58,210
Well, now you got cable.
387
00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:03,082
Dan...
388
00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:04,850
He's worried sick
about where you are.
389
00:18:04,851 --> 00:18:07,453
He just feels
horrible.
Cool.
390
00:18:07,454 --> 00:18:09,888
No, he feels
really, really bad.
391
00:18:09,889 --> 00:18:12,758
It's kind of
a mid-life thing.
392
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:14,526
Guys get to this point
in their life
393
00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:17,162
Where they have to
bolster their ego.
394
00:18:17,163 --> 00:18:18,697
It's not unhealthy.
395
00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:20,532
It can be
a natural phase
396
00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:21,834
In a loving
relationship.
397
00:18:21,835 --> 00:18:23,035
What are you doing?
398
00:18:23,036 --> 00:18:24,903
I'm trying to turn down
the Oprah show
399
00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:27,039
So I can hear you
better.
400
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:28,240
Oh, wait a minute.
401
00:18:28,241 --> 00:18:30,376
That's not Oprah.
That's you.
402
00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:33,545
He just wanted somebody
to think he was,
403
00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:35,180
You know, attractive.
404
00:18:35,181 --> 00:18:36,915
Oh, poor boy.
405
00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:39,852
Dan doesn't think
he's attractive.
406
00:18:39,853 --> 00:18:42,554
Well, life is
tough, Jackie.
407
00:18:42,555 --> 00:18:45,924
Sometimes I don't think
dan's attractive either.
408
00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:47,993
Oh, come on, Roseanne.
Cut him a break.
409
00:18:47,994 --> 00:18:49,395
It was--it was lunch!
410
00:18:49,396 --> 00:18:51,663
Yeah, when I feel
all old and crummy,
411
00:18:51,664 --> 00:18:53,032
You don't see me
having lunch
412
00:18:53,033 --> 00:18:54,466
With donnie van steenus.
413
00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:56,969
Donnie van steenus
is dead.
414
00:18:58,438 --> 00:19:00,372
Well, be that
as it may, Jackie,
415
00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:02,374
Not all my old
boyfriends are dead.
416
00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:04,610
I'm sure I could rustle up
one or two of 'em
417
00:19:04,611 --> 00:19:06,779
That would be willing
to buy me a sandwich.
418
00:19:06,780 --> 00:19:09,481
Haven't you punished
Dan enough?
419
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:12,418
He had sex with phyllis
all afternoon.
420
00:19:12,419 --> 00:19:14,386
He didn't have sex
with Phyllis.
421
00:19:14,387 --> 00:19:17,723
Yes, he did, Jackie.
He just used my body.
422
00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:19,324
And let me tell you
something.
423
00:19:19,325 --> 00:19:21,894
She's been getting it
a whole lot better
than I have lately.
424
00:19:23,363 --> 00:19:25,564
You don't know what was
going on in Dan's mind.
425
00:19:25,565 --> 00:19:27,633
Maybe Phyllis just
made him feel good
about himself,
426
00:19:27,634 --> 00:19:30,135
And the important thing
is he came home to you.
427
00:19:30,136 --> 00:19:34,606
In his mind, he was
having sex with Phyllis!
428
00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:36,175
Okay?
429
00:19:36,176 --> 00:19:38,777
Can't believe he let that
woman on my kitchen table.
430
00:19:40,714 --> 00:19:41,947
All right, what if he did?
431
00:19:41,948 --> 00:19:43,982
Haven't you ever
fantasized about anybody?
432
00:19:43,983 --> 00:19:46,218
No, not about anybody
that I, you know,
433
00:19:46,219 --> 00:19:47,553
Could really get.
434
00:19:50,357 --> 00:19:51,690
Except for Fabio.
435
00:19:54,194 --> 00:19:55,694
Come on.
436
00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:57,196
No, it's true.
437
00:19:57,197 --> 00:19:59,331
Fabio, he could
show up in Lanford,
you know,
438
00:19:59,332 --> 00:20:00,599
And be looking around
439
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:02,768
For a loose meat
sandwich.
440
00:20:04,137 --> 00:20:07,639
You are never
going to get fabio.
441
00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:15,381
[shouts]
why do you have
to ruin it for me?
442
00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:18,017
Well, anyway,
so you have fantasized.
443
00:20:18,018 --> 00:20:19,518
It is very
different, Jackie.
444
00:20:19,519 --> 00:20:20,919
How?
445
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:23,355
Because haven't you heard
of the double standard?
446
00:20:23,356 --> 00:20:24,890
And besides,
Dan lied to me.
447
00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:27,159
He just--he lied
to protect you.
448
00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:28,761
Well, he didn't
protect me, Jackie.
449
00:20:28,762 --> 00:20:30,763
He just made me feel
really, really horrible.
450
00:20:30,764 --> 00:20:32,765
Well, you made him feel
really, really horrible back.
451
00:20:32,766 --> 00:20:33,966
He's sitting on a couch
452
00:20:33,967 --> 00:20:36,035
Scares his wife
is off someplace.
453
00:20:36,036 --> 00:20:37,336
You won this one.
454
00:20:37,337 --> 00:20:39,538
Can't you just
be big about it?
455
00:20:41,975 --> 00:20:43,409
[sighs]
oh...
456
00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:45,344
So you really think
he's sitting over there
457
00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:46,912
All by himself
on the couch?
458
00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:47,980
Yes.
459
00:20:52,719 --> 00:20:53,752
All right.
460
00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:56,655
Well, I guess I can
go talk to him.
461
00:21:00,994 --> 00:21:02,528
You bought it,
didn't you.
462
00:21:02,529 --> 00:21:04,863
Dan's here. I said
he was home, but he's here.
463
00:21:08,735 --> 00:21:10,135
Hey.
Hey.
464
00:21:10,136 --> 00:21:12,571
I didn't sleep very well
without you last night.
465
00:21:12,572 --> 00:21:15,708
Yeah, but you
still slept, right?
466
00:21:17,711 --> 00:21:22,014
Rosie, i'm sorry.
Please come home.
467
00:21:22,015 --> 00:21:24,149
Do you wanna go
somewhere and talk?
468
00:21:27,754 --> 00:21:30,889
Yeah, I guess.
No, I can't,
469
00:21:30,890 --> 00:21:33,359
Because I have to go
to the school first
470
00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:35,694
And make sure D.J.
got a decent lunch.
471
00:21:35,695 --> 00:21:37,096
Don't worry about it,
I made him lunch.
You did?
472
00:21:37,097 --> 00:21:40,165
No, I lied again.
Isn't it great?
473
00:21:56,049 --> 00:21:58,217
Glad you're back.
474
00:21:58,218 --> 00:21:59,785
I'm glad for you.
475
00:21:59,786 --> 00:22:01,920
I think it's great we have
the kind of relationship
476
00:22:01,921 --> 00:22:03,422
Where we can
talk about stuff.
477
00:22:03,423 --> 00:22:05,891
Especially if one of us
is completely in the wrong
478
00:22:05,892 --> 00:22:07,526
And you're completely
in the right.
479
00:22:09,529 --> 00:22:13,365
Dan, just get naked and show
me how sorry you are.
480
00:22:17,637 --> 00:22:19,605
If you want to think
about other men sometimes,
481
00:22:19,606 --> 00:22:21,607
It's okay with me.
I can live with that.
482
00:22:21,608 --> 00:22:25,811
I don't need to do that,
Dan, unlike some people.
483
00:22:25,812 --> 00:22:28,814
I have evolved.
484
00:22:42,762 --> 00:22:46,732
[dan's voice]
Rosie, i'm just glad you
love me for who I am.
485
00:22:46,733 --> 00:22:48,600
I know i'm not perfect.
486
00:22:51,171 --> 00:22:55,541
In my eyes,
you're pretty close.
487
00:22:55,542 --> 00:23:00,846
I washed my armpits
with a washcloth.
Just the way you like it.
488
00:23:04,818 --> 00:23:07,186
Dan, don't talk.
489
00:23:27,340 --> 00:23:30,175
47077
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