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[narrator] When the yogurt took over,we all made the same jokes.
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"Finally our rulers would have culture.
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Our society is curdled.
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Our government is now
the cream of the crop," and so on.
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But, when we weren't laughing about
the absurdity of it all,
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we asked ourselves, "How did we ever get
to the point where we were,
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in fact, ruled by a dairy product?"
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Oh, as a matter of record,
we knew how it happened.
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Researchers took one of their most
computationally advanced strains of DNA
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and grafted it onto
Lactobacillus delbrueckii,
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commonly used to ferment yogurt.
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Initial tests appeared to be failures.
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However, one of the researchers sneaked
some of the bacillus out of the lab
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to use for her homemade yogurt.
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The night of June 27th,
it became sentient.
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[yawning]
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[gasping]
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The yogurt declared
it had arrived at solutions
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to many of the country's problems.
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But it wanted payment for that.
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We.
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Want.
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Ohio.
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[everyone laughs]
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That's fine, we will just go to China.
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They promised us a whole province.
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[president chuckles slowly]
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[narrator] The yogurtwas crafty and shrewd...
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and got a century-long lease on Ohio
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with the promise that it would respect
the human and constitutional rights
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of those who lived within its borders.
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[electronic humming]
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There it kept evolving, and soon,
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it handed over a complex formula
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to eradicate the national debt
within one year.
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[yogurt] Follow it exactly.
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Any deviation will bring
complete economic ruin.
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We will.
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[narrator] Naturally, the politiciansdidn't follow instruction.
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Within six months,
the global economy collapsed.
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I am going to eat your little toes.
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- [narrator] Only Ohio remained unscathed.- [baby laughs]
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[yogurt] We told you not to deviate
from the plan.
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Your experts are too close
to the problem to solve it.
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Any. Human. Is.
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[narrator] The government declaredmartial law,
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and gave the yogurt
supreme executive power.
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Of course, some people
weren't pleased at first.
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[crowd yells] Down with yogurt, down...
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The anti-government demonstrators...
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[erratic electronic music plays]
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[narrator] Now, ten years later,humanity is happy, healthy, and wealthy.
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No one argues with the yogurt,
no one tweaks its formulas.
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That's how it happened,
but we still ask ourselves,
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if the yogurt was smart enough
to solve our debt problem,
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wasn't it also smart enough to realize
that human intellectual vanity
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would keep us from
following the formula exactly?
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Then there's this.
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- In the past several weeks, the yogurt...
- [rocket engines blasting] ...has initiated several space launches.
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Life from earth is going to the stars,
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it just may not be human life.
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What happens if the yogurt
goes to the stars without us?
5380
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