All language subtitles for According to Jim s01e19 The Receipt.eng

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,734 --> 00:00:10,934 YOU KNOW, I'VE SEEN CHERYL DO THIS BEFORE. 2 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,901 SHE JUST PRESSES A BUTTON... 3 00:00:13,968 --> 00:00:17,367 AND THE WHOLE THING COLLAPSES. 4 00:00:29,234 --> 00:00:31,334 THAT'S A BRAKE. 5 00:00:47,834 --> 00:00:49,300 WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! 6 00:00:49,367 --> 00:00:50,834 I THINK I HEARD A CLICK. 7 00:00:50,901 --> 00:00:52,934 THAT WAS MY KNEE. 8 00:01:10,501 --> 00:01:11,567 YOU WANT TO GET THE DOOR? 9 00:01:27,868 --> 00:01:29,667 HAH! 10 00:01:29,734 --> 00:01:32,067 OH, BABY. 11 00:01:37,934 --> 00:01:41,033 WHAT...HAS HAPPENED TO AMERICA? 12 00:01:41,100 --> 00:01:43,634 IT'S GOING TO HELL IN A HANDBASKET, JIM. 13 00:01:43,701 --> 00:01:45,067 BINGO! 14 00:01:45,133 --> 00:01:47,033 * B-I-N-G-O * 15 00:01:47,100 --> 00:01:49,067 * B-I-N-G-O * 16 00:01:49,133 --> 00:01:51,167 NO, NO, NO, GIRLS, THAT'S OKAY. 17 00:01:51,234 --> 00:01:52,434 YOU KNOW WHAT? NOT NOW, 18 00:01:52,501 --> 00:01:54,634 BUT MOMMY WILL SING IT LATER FOR YOU AS MUCH AS YOU WANT! 19 00:01:54,701 --> 00:01:56,901 YAY! 20 00:01:56,968 --> 00:01:59,000 I'M SITTING THERE WATCHING THE DIRECTOR'S CUT 21 00:01:59,067 --> 00:02:00,601 OF "RED HEAT," WHICH, BY THE WAY, CHERYL, 22 00:02:00,667 --> 00:02:02,901 IS VERY GOOD. 23 00:02:02,968 --> 00:02:05,734 COMPLETELY OVERLOOKED BY THE ACADEMY. 24 00:02:05,801 --> 00:02:09,601 ANYWAY, THE DVD PLAYER BREAKS DOWN AND CRAPS RIGHT OUT ON ME. 25 00:02:09,667 --> 00:02:11,434 WHAT? WE'VE ONLY HAD IT A WEEK! BINGO! 26 00:02:11,501 --> 00:02:12,434 * B-I -- * 27 00:02:12,501 --> 00:02:14,801 AH-AH! 28 00:02:14,868 --> 00:02:15,868 THANK YOU. 29 00:02:15,934 --> 00:02:19,067 SO, I'M GONNA TAKE THIS BACK TO LAZY AL'S, 30 00:02:19,133 --> 00:02:20,634 AND I'M GONNA EXCHANGE IT AND GET A NEW ONE. 31 00:02:20,701 --> 00:02:22,133 BUT I NEED THAT RECEIPT. 32 00:02:23,868 --> 00:02:25,634 OH, JEEZ! 33 00:02:25,701 --> 00:02:26,667 OW. 34 00:02:26,734 --> 00:02:28,100 MY BINKY! 35 00:02:28,167 --> 00:02:29,701 MY WHISTLE! 36 00:02:29,767 --> 00:02:31,300 [ WHISTLE BLOWING ] 37 00:02:31,367 --> 00:02:33,467 THANKS, JIM. THAT'S WHERE I KEEP ALL THE STUFF 38 00:02:33,534 --> 00:02:34,901 I DON'T WANT THEM TO HAVE ANYMORE. 39 00:02:34,968 --> 00:02:36,667 MY NUDIE PEN. 40 00:02:38,734 --> 00:02:41,601 HELLO, INGRID. 41 00:02:41,667 --> 00:02:43,801 SHE LIVES IN A PEN, JIM. 42 00:02:49,968 --> 00:02:53,634 IF SHE WAS 5 FEET TALLER, YOU'D BE GONE. 43 00:02:57,067 --> 00:03:00,601 HONEY, I GOTTA FIND THAT RECEIPT. 44 00:03:00,667 --> 00:03:01,968 I KNOW I PUT THAT RECEIPT IN HERE. 45 00:03:02,033 --> 00:03:03,067 WHAT DID YOU DO WITH IT? 46 00:03:03,133 --> 00:03:05,234 ME?! I NEVER TAKE ANYTHING OUT OF THAT DRAWER. 47 00:03:05,300 --> 00:03:07,334 YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S ALWAYS LOSING THINGS, 48 00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:08,734 LIKE OUR HONEYMOON TICKETS. 49 00:03:08,801 --> 00:03:10,000 I DID NOT LOSE THOSE TICKETS. 50 00:03:10,067 --> 00:03:12,501 YOU TOLD ME TO PUT THEM IN THE GREEN SUITCASE. 51 00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:13,901 WE DIDN'T TAKE THE GREEN SUITCASE. 52 00:03:13,968 --> 00:03:15,834 WELL, WHY DID YOU TELL ME TO PUT 'EM IN THE GREEN SUITCASE? 53 00:03:15,901 --> 00:03:17,601 WHY WOULD I TELL YOU TO PUT THEM IN A SUITCASE YOU WEREN'T EVEN TAKING? 54 00:03:17,667 --> 00:03:20,467 CHERYL, ONLY YOU CAN ANSWER THAT. 55 00:03:22,133 --> 00:03:23,968 BESIDES, THAT WAS 10 YEARS AGO. 56 00:03:24,033 --> 00:03:26,901 CAN'T YOU THINK OF ANYTHING RECENTLY THAT I LOST? 57 00:03:26,968 --> 00:03:28,667 UH, 10 POUNDS? 58 00:03:28,734 --> 00:03:31,334 ALTHOUGH, IN YOUR DEFENSE, YOU DID FIND THEM. 59 00:03:34,133 --> 00:03:38,067 THAT IS A CHEAP SHOT, CHERYL. I AM STORING THAT ONE. 60 00:03:38,133 --> 00:03:41,801 AW, YOU MEAN WHERE YOUR HAIR USED TO BE? 61 00:03:41,868 --> 00:03:44,868 WHAT?! 62 00:03:44,934 --> 00:03:48,200 DID I FORGET A BIRTHDAY OR SOMETHING? WHAT'S GOIN' ON HERE? 63 00:03:48,267 --> 00:03:50,033 NO, NO, I'M JUST SICK OF YOU LOSING THINGS ALL THE TIME 64 00:03:50,100 --> 00:03:51,367 AND BLAMING ME. LIKE, LIKE -- 65 00:03:51,434 --> 00:03:54,734 LIKE MY CAR KEYS OR YOUR SUNGLASSES OR THE ELECTRIC BILL. 66 00:03:54,801 --> 00:03:57,968 COME ON, CHERYL, THAT WAS FUN. IT WAS LIKE CAMPING. 67 00:03:58,033 --> 00:03:59,501 BESIDES, YOU KNOW WHAT? 68 00:03:59,567 --> 00:04:02,133 YOU GOTTA STOP KEEPING SCORE WITH ME. 69 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,968 YOU STORE THESE LISTS IN YOUR HEAD. 70 00:04:05,033 --> 00:04:07,567 OH, YOU MEAN UP HERE WITH MY THICK, LUSTROUS HAIR? 71 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,367 CHERYL... 72 00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:16,501 YOU ARE MAKING ME VERY ANGRY. 73 00:04:16,567 --> 00:04:17,934 AND VERY HOT. 74 00:04:19,701 --> 00:04:20,767 NOW, COME ON. 75 00:04:20,834 --> 00:04:23,434 IT'S OBVIOUS THAT SOMEONE JUST BROKE IN HERE 76 00:04:23,501 --> 00:04:25,868 IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND STOLE MY RECEIPT! 77 00:04:25,934 --> 00:04:27,434 YEAH, JIM. 78 00:04:27,501 --> 00:04:29,334 IT'S PROBABLY HALFWAY TO SOUTH AMERICA BY NOW, 79 00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:31,734 CHOPPED UP AND SOLD FOR CONFETTI. 80 00:04:31,801 --> 00:04:34,868 [ SIGHS ] I KNOW IT'S IN HERE! 81 00:04:34,934 --> 00:04:36,300 HONEY, SERIOUSLY, YOU PROBABLY DON'T WANT TO TOUCH ANYTHING 82 00:04:36,367 --> 00:04:38,901 'CAUSE THE POLICE ARE GONNA WANT TO DUST FOR PRINTS. 83 00:04:40,133 --> 00:04:41,067 I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS! 84 00:04:41,133 --> 00:04:42,834 AAH! [ LAUGHS ] 85 00:04:47,868 --> 00:04:51,400 AH, TIFFANY... 86 00:04:51,467 --> 00:04:54,300 THAT WICKED LADY TOOK YOUR SISTER AWAY. 87 00:04:59,868 --> 00:05:01,000 HI, WELCOME TO LAZY AL'S, 88 00:05:01,067 --> 00:05:03,968 WHERE WE'RE TOO DARN LAZY TO RAISE OUR PRICES. 89 00:05:04,033 --> 00:05:06,968 I BET YOU HATE SAYING THAT, DON'T YOU? 90 00:05:07,033 --> 00:05:09,601 NO, I DON'T. 91 00:05:13,601 --> 00:05:15,400 WELL, THIS THING IS BROKEN HERE, 92 00:05:15,467 --> 00:05:17,767 AND I WANT TO EXCHANGE IT FOR A NEW ONE. 93 00:05:17,834 --> 00:05:18,767 OKAY. CAN I SEE A RECEIPT? 94 00:05:18,834 --> 00:05:22,901 WELL, MY, UH -- MY WIFE LOST IT. 95 00:05:22,968 --> 00:05:24,467 WOMEN, HUH? 96 00:05:27,467 --> 00:05:28,567 DON'T GET ME STARTED. 97 00:05:28,634 --> 00:05:29,634 YEAH. 98 00:05:31,801 --> 00:05:34,033 NO RETURNS WITHOUT A RECEIPT. NO EXCEPTIONS. 99 00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:35,234 AW, COME ON, BUDDY. 100 00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:37,367 WE ALL KNOW THAT RULES ARE MEANT TO BE BROKEN, HUH? 101 00:05:37,434 --> 00:05:38,667 [ SIGHS ] 102 00:05:48,701 --> 00:05:51,200 ARE YOU TRYING TO BRIBE ME WITH AN ARBY'S COUPON? 103 00:05:53,267 --> 00:05:57,300 OKAY, I UNDERSTAND. YOU'RE A WORTHY OPPONENT. 104 00:05:57,367 --> 00:06:00,934 LET'S MAKE THIS A, UH, GAME OF SKILL. 105 00:06:02,434 --> 00:06:04,434 I'M THINKING OF A NUMBER BETWEEN ONE AND 10. 106 00:06:04,501 --> 00:06:05,868 SEVEN. 107 00:06:05,934 --> 00:06:07,467 DAMN! 108 00:06:09,434 --> 00:06:10,868 I NEED THAT RECEIPT, SIR. 109 00:06:10,934 --> 00:06:12,534 I'M THINKING OF A NUMBER-- 63. 110 00:06:12,601 --> 00:06:13,868 HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT? 111 00:06:30,767 --> 00:06:32,501 WELL, WELL, WELL. 112 00:06:33,801 --> 00:06:36,300 OH, GEE. 113 00:06:36,367 --> 00:06:39,267 WHAT'S THAT, JIM, THE NEW DVD PLAYER? 114 00:06:39,334 --> 00:06:42,133 WHY, YES, MY DARLING, IT IS. 115 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:44,400 OH, JIM, YOU'RE MY HERO. 116 00:06:44,467 --> 00:06:46,501 WOULD YOU LIKE STEAK-UMS FOR LUNCH 117 00:06:46,567 --> 00:06:50,868 FOLLOWED BY AFTERNOON SEX? 118 00:06:50,934 --> 00:06:54,000 WELL, YOU KNOW, CHERYL, I REALLY DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THAT, 119 00:06:54,067 --> 00:06:56,067 BUT YES, I WOULD! 120 00:06:56,133 --> 00:06:59,934 OKAY. OKAY, I GET IT. YOU DIDN'T LOSE THE RECEIPT. 121 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,467 OH, I DIDN'T LOSE THE RECEIPT. 122 00:07:01,534 --> 00:07:02,701 THAT'S VERY INTERESTING. 123 00:07:02,767 --> 00:07:04,734 SO MAYBE YOU WERE INCORRECT? 124 00:07:04,801 --> 00:07:06,634 MAYBE YOU COULD'VE BEEN POSSIBLY WRONG, 125 00:07:06,701 --> 00:07:09,167 PERCHANCE MISTAKEN? 126 00:07:09,234 --> 00:07:11,567 ALL RIGHT! I GOT IT! 127 00:07:11,634 --> 00:07:12,801 ALL RIGHT. 128 00:07:12,868 --> 00:07:14,734 CHERYL, EXCUSE ME. 129 00:07:14,801 --> 00:07:16,501 I AM GONNA TAKE A NAP... 130 00:07:17,667 --> 00:07:20,767 ...TO SAVE UP ENERGY FOR OUR AFTERNOON SEX. 131 00:07:20,834 --> 00:07:23,868 OKAY, HONEY. 132 00:07:23,934 --> 00:07:25,767 YOU WIN. ENJOY YOUR NAP. 133 00:07:25,834 --> 00:07:27,267 THANK YOU. 134 00:07:27,334 --> 00:07:28,534 BINGO! 135 00:07:28,601 --> 00:07:31,868 * B-I-N-G-O, B-I-N-G-O * 136 00:07:31,934 --> 00:07:35,033 * B-I-N-G-O, AND BINGO WAS HIS NAME-O * 137 00:07:37,834 --> 00:07:40,601 [ INSTRUMENTS TUNING ] 138 00:07:40,667 --> 00:07:43,434 BOYS, I AM A GENIUS. 139 00:07:43,501 --> 00:07:44,801 YEAH? SPELL IT. 140 00:07:44,868 --> 00:07:47,467 YEAH, GO AHEAD AND MAKE FUN OF ME. 141 00:07:47,534 --> 00:07:50,133 BUT I JUST FOOLED MY WIFE, AND SHE'S A VERY SMART LADY. 142 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:51,667 ALL RIGHT. SO, HOW DID YOU FOOL HER? 143 00:07:51,734 --> 00:07:54,467 YOU SEE, I WAS GONNA RETURN THIS BROKEN DVD PLAYER. 144 00:07:54,534 --> 00:07:55,501 RIGHT? OKAY. 145 00:07:55,567 --> 00:07:56,634 BUT I NEEDED THE RECEIPT 146 00:07:56,701 --> 00:07:57,701 AND I COULDN'T FIND IT, 147 00:07:57,767 --> 00:08:00,000 AND CHERYL ACCUSED ME OF LOSING IT. 148 00:08:00,067 --> 00:08:01,033 DID YOU? 149 00:08:01,100 --> 00:08:03,467 WELL, YEAH, PRETTY MUCH. 150 00:08:03,534 --> 00:08:07,167 BUT THAT'S WHY I WENT OUT AND BOUGHT A NEW DVD PLAYER 151 00:08:07,234 --> 00:08:09,801 SO SHE WOULDN'T, YOU KNOW, HARP ON ME FOR 50 YEARS 152 00:08:09,868 --> 00:08:11,567 ABOUT THE MISTAKES I MADE. 153 00:08:11,634 --> 00:08:13,200 YEAH, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. 154 00:08:13,267 --> 00:08:14,834 CHERYL STILL WON'T LET ME FORGET THE TIME 155 00:08:14,901 --> 00:08:16,300 WHEN I USED HER EASY-BAKE OVEN 156 00:08:16,367 --> 00:08:19,200 TO CREMATE MY DEAD FROG, MR. HOPPERS. 157 00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:22,200 WELL, GUYS, WOMEN. 158 00:08:22,267 --> 00:08:25,400 WOMEN ARE LIKE A DOG WITH A BONE. 159 00:08:25,467 --> 00:08:27,033 THEY BURY IT FOR A WHILE, 160 00:08:27,100 --> 00:08:30,534 AND THEN THEY DIG IT UP WHEN THEY WANT TO USE IT AGAINST YOU. 161 00:08:30,601 --> 00:08:32,167 MY BARBER TOLD ME THAT. 162 00:08:32,234 --> 00:08:34,467 YOU WERE IN THE CHAIR LONG ENOUGH TO GET ALL THAT? 163 00:08:34,534 --> 00:08:35,501 [ RIMSHOT ] 164 00:08:35,567 --> 00:08:37,200 HA HA HA! I LOVE IT! 165 00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:38,400 YEAH, YEAH. 166 00:08:38,467 --> 00:08:41,968 ALL RIGHT. 1, 2, 3, 4! 167 00:08:42,033 --> 00:08:44,601 [ BLUES MUSIC PLAYING ] 168 00:08:44,667 --> 00:08:46,334 [ BLOWING WHISTLE RHYTHMICALLY ] 169 00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:48,000 WHOO! WHO'S GOT THE MAGIC? 170 00:08:48,067 --> 00:08:49,400 MOM'S GOT THE MAGIC. 171 00:08:49,467 --> 00:08:50,868 OH, YEAH. 172 00:08:52,067 --> 00:08:54,067 I AM NOT SPEAKING TO YOU, 173 00:08:54,133 --> 00:08:55,501 AND DON'T ACT LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW WHY. 174 00:08:55,567 --> 00:08:56,701 OKAY. 175 00:08:56,767 --> 00:08:58,534 [ MUSIC CONTINUES ] 176 00:08:58,601 --> 00:09:00,000 YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU DID, DO YOU? 177 00:09:00,067 --> 00:09:01,534 UH, OVERREACTED TO SOMETHING SMALL? 178 00:09:01,601 --> 00:09:03,033 OH, SORRY. THAT'S WHAT YOU DO. 179 00:09:05,167 --> 00:09:06,434 I HATE YOU WHEN YOU DANCE. 180 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:11,367 STOP DANCING! 181 00:09:11,434 --> 00:09:13,734 I MADE YOUR STUPID SPAGHETTI SAUCE LAST NIGHT FOR MY DATE, 182 00:09:13,801 --> 00:09:14,767 AND IT WAS AWFUL. 183 00:09:14,834 --> 00:09:17,200 OH, HONEY, YOUR DATES ARE ALWAYS AWFUL. 184 00:09:19,133 --> 00:09:20,701 OKAY, WHAT DID YOU DO WRONG? 185 00:09:20,767 --> 00:09:22,167 I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. 186 00:09:22,234 --> 00:09:24,434 I FOLLOWED YOUR RECIPE EXACTLY. 187 00:09:24,501 --> 00:09:27,701 "ONE CAN OF TOMATO PASTE, 3 TABLESPOONS OF OLIVE OIL, 188 00:09:27,767 --> 00:09:28,901 ONE TABLESPOON OF ORANGES" -- 189 00:09:28,968 --> 00:09:30,000 OREGANO! 190 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:37,234 NOT ORANGES! YOU'RE NOT MAKING A SMOOTHIE! 191 00:09:37,300 --> 00:09:40,634 OH, MY GOD. LAZY AL'S. 192 00:09:40,701 --> 00:09:42,701 THIS IS THE RECEIPT FOR THE DVD PLAYER. 193 00:09:45,100 --> 00:09:48,434 JIM DID LOSE THE RECEIPT. HE IS SO BUSTED! 194 00:09:48,501 --> 00:09:49,501 WHERE'D YOU GET THIS? 195 00:09:49,567 --> 00:09:51,634 FROM YOU. YOU TOOK IT OUT OF THAT DRAWER, 196 00:09:51,701 --> 00:09:54,334 WROTE THE RECIPE ON IT, AND HANDED IT TO ME. 197 00:09:56,634 --> 00:09:58,334 YOU ARE LYING. 198 00:10:03,334 --> 00:10:04,334 Cheryl: OH, MAN! 199 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:06,701 JIM WAS RIGHT. I DID LOSE THE RECEIPT. 200 00:10:06,767 --> 00:10:09,234 WAIT A MINUTE. IF HE DIDN'T HAVE THE RECEIPT, 201 00:10:09,300 --> 00:10:12,067 HOW DID HE GET LAZY AL TO TAKE HIS DVD PLAYER BACK? 202 00:10:12,133 --> 00:10:14,834 MAYBE HE UNDID HIS TOP BUTTON AND CRIED. 203 00:10:16,234 --> 00:10:18,400 I ONCE RETURNED A CAR LIKE THAT. 204 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:20,734 HE TOTALLY DECEIVED ME. 205 00:10:20,801 --> 00:10:23,000 WELL, CHERYL, WHAT HAVE I BEEN TELLING YOU FOR 10 YEARS? 206 00:10:23,067 --> 00:10:26,100 THAT MAN HAS NO GOOD QUALITIES. 207 00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:27,567 COME ON. LET'S GO NAIL HIM. 208 00:10:27,634 --> 00:10:29,934 I CAN'T. WHY?! 209 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,234 BECAUSE HE'LL KNOW THAT I KNOW THAT HE DIDN'T LOSE THE RECEIPT, 210 00:10:32,300 --> 00:10:33,400 AND HE'LL SAY, "HOW DO YOU KNOW?" 211 00:10:33,467 --> 00:10:34,834 AND I'LL SAY, "BECAUSE I GAVE IT TO DANA," 212 00:10:34,901 --> 00:10:36,300 AND HE'LL SAY, "SO IT WAS REALLY YOU WHO LOST THE RECEIPT." 213 00:10:36,367 --> 00:10:38,467 AND I WON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY. 214 00:10:40,067 --> 00:10:41,400 WOW. 215 00:10:41,467 --> 00:10:45,634 I MUST HAVE NO LIFE, BECAUSE I FIND THIS FASCINATING. 216 00:10:45,701 --> 00:10:47,400 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 217 00:10:47,467 --> 00:10:50,701 OH. LISTEN CAREFULLY, LITTLE SISTER. 218 00:10:50,767 --> 00:10:54,267 MEN ARE LIKE A DOG WITH A BONE. 219 00:10:54,334 --> 00:10:57,067 THEY'LL BURY IT FOR A WHILE, 220 00:10:57,133 --> 00:10:58,734 BUT THEY'LL DIG IT UP WHEN THEY NEED TO. 221 00:11:00,167 --> 00:11:02,734 ALSO, THERE'S THE CHEWING AND THE LICKING, BUT... 222 00:11:04,267 --> 00:11:06,100 ALL RIGHT. HANG ON. 223 00:11:06,167 --> 00:11:07,501 WHAT'S THAT? 224 00:11:07,567 --> 00:11:09,167 THEY'RE TRYING TO GET ME FOR JURY DUTY. 225 00:11:09,234 --> 00:11:11,234 UHH! 226 00:11:11,300 --> 00:11:13,267 BYE, GUYS. SEE YA. 227 00:11:15,801 --> 00:11:17,267 WATCH THE DOOR. 228 00:11:17,334 --> 00:11:20,067 OKAY. WHAT AM I LOOKING FOR? 229 00:11:20,133 --> 00:11:21,601 IF YOU SEE CHERYL, SAY SOMETHING. 230 00:11:21,667 --> 00:11:23,434 LIKE WHAT? 231 00:11:23,501 --> 00:11:27,801 LIKE, "HEY, JIM, CHERYL'S COMING." 232 00:11:27,868 --> 00:11:30,033 SEEMS A LITTLE LONG. 233 00:11:30,100 --> 00:11:32,601 HOW ABOUT "BLUE CANARY"? 234 00:11:32,667 --> 00:11:34,534 JUST WATCH THE DAMN DOOR! 235 00:11:35,968 --> 00:11:38,167 BLUE CANARY! 236 00:11:43,501 --> 00:11:46,501 NO. NO, REALLY, IT'S A BLUE CANARY. 237 00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:51,567 WHAT ARE THE ODDS? 238 00:11:54,067 --> 00:11:55,534 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 239 00:11:55,601 --> 00:11:58,567 I AM RETURNING THIS BROKEN DVD PLAYER. 240 00:11:58,634 --> 00:12:00,601 I THOUGHT THEY WOULDN'T TAKE IT WITHOUT A RECEIPT. 241 00:12:00,667 --> 00:12:04,367 OH, I HAVE A RECEIPT... FROM THE NEW DVD PLAYER. 242 00:12:04,434 --> 00:12:07,467 THAT'S JUST WRONG. 243 00:12:07,534 --> 00:12:09,033 HOW DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT? 244 00:12:09,100 --> 00:12:10,934 IN THE NUDE-- WITH YOUR SISTER. 245 00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:15,934 Jim: OKAY, OKAY. 246 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,567 ALL WE'RE GONNA DO IS WE'RE GONNA GO IN THERE, 247 00:12:17,634 --> 00:12:19,767 WE'RE GONNA GET OUR MONEY, AND THEN WE'RE GONNA GET OUT. 248 00:12:19,834 --> 00:12:22,234 SO BE CALM. 249 00:12:22,300 --> 00:12:23,968 [ SCOFFS ] DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME. 250 00:12:24,033 --> 00:12:26,567 WHAT'S THAT IN MY VEINS? OH, IT'S ICE WATER. 251 00:12:28,033 --> 00:12:29,734 OKAY, MR. ICEMAN. 252 00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:34,200 STAY CLOSE. 253 00:12:34,267 --> 00:12:35,234 HEY. 254 00:12:35,300 --> 00:12:36,501 HI, WELCOME TO LAZY AL'S, 255 00:12:36,567 --> 00:12:39,400 WHERE WE'RE TOO DARN LAZY TO RAISE OUR PRI-- 256 00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:43,234 SWEET MOTHER OF GOD! WE'RE LOCKED IN! 257 00:12:43,300 --> 00:12:46,167 IT OPENS IN, SIR. JUST PULL IT. 258 00:12:46,234 --> 00:12:47,701 Oh. Sorry. 259 00:12:58,601 --> 00:13:02,100 I WANTED TO RETURN THIS FOR CASH. 260 00:13:02,167 --> 00:13:03,567 OKAY. CAN I SEE YOUR RECEIPT? 261 00:13:03,634 --> 00:13:07,133 OH. OH, I THINK I CAN SCARE ONE UP. 262 00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:16,968 OKAY. THERE'S A PROBLEM. 263 00:13:17,033 --> 00:13:20,434 ASIDE FROM THIS FROZEN TATER TOT... 264 00:13:22,701 --> 00:13:26,234 THE SERIAL NUMBERS ON THIS DVD PLAYER AND THIS RECEIPT 265 00:13:26,300 --> 00:13:27,434 DON'T MATCH. 266 00:13:27,501 --> 00:13:29,601 WHAT HAPPENED TO "THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT"? 267 00:13:29,667 --> 00:13:33,534 THAT GOES OUT THE WINDOW WHEN THEY'RE TRYING TO RIP US OFF. 268 00:13:33,601 --> 00:13:35,801 ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA CALL MY LAWYER, SIR. 269 00:13:35,868 --> 00:13:37,667 [ PUNCHING KEYS ] 270 00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:40,567 ONE SECOND, PLEASE. 271 00:13:42,567 --> 00:13:43,934 YES, I'LL HOLD. 272 00:13:47,767 --> 00:13:50,601 YES, JOHNNIE COCHRAN, PLEASE. 273 00:13:50,667 --> 00:13:52,167 SIR, THAT'S A PRICE SCANNER. 274 00:14:02,667 --> 00:14:05,601 IF YOU WALK OUT RIGHT NOW, I WON'T CALL THE POLICE. 275 00:14:10,133 --> 00:14:11,534 [ BANGING ] 276 00:14:11,601 --> 00:14:13,033 IT OPENS IN, SIR. 277 00:14:22,133 --> 00:14:23,167 HEY. 278 00:14:27,634 --> 00:14:30,400 BLUE...CANARY. 279 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:35,801 SO, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING? 280 00:14:35,868 --> 00:14:37,968 WELL, WE WERE JUST, UM... 281 00:14:38,033 --> 00:14:39,601 T-TALKING MAN STUFF. 282 00:14:39,667 --> 00:14:40,934 YEAH, YOU KNOW, WE'RE -- 283 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,868 I WAS GONNA DO SOME MEASURING AND STUFF. 284 00:14:43,934 --> 00:14:44,968 I WAS THINKING MAYBE -- I DON'T KNOW -- 285 00:14:45,067 --> 00:14:49,934 CHANGE THE GARAGE INTO A...STUDY FOR MY BOOKS. 286 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:52,968 WHY? IS THE RACK NEXT TO THE TOILET GETTING TOO SMALL? 287 00:14:54,734 --> 00:14:56,534 WHAT'S THIS? 288 00:14:56,601 --> 00:14:57,801 OH, UH... 289 00:14:57,868 --> 00:15:00,334 WELL, THAT'S THE DVD PLAYER. 290 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:03,133 OH. REALLY? NOW, THAT'S FUNNY, 291 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:04,434 'CAUSE THE GIRLS ARE IN THE HOUSE 292 00:15:04,501 --> 00:15:06,167 WATCHING A DVD RIGHT NOW. 293 00:15:11,901 --> 00:15:14,234 SO... YOU WANNA TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON? 294 00:15:16,334 --> 00:15:17,834 DANA... 295 00:15:17,901 --> 00:15:19,167 WHAT? OH, COME ON! 296 00:15:19,234 --> 00:15:21,067 THIS IS THE ONLY REASON I REALLY COME OVER HERE. 297 00:15:21,133 --> 00:15:22,968 YOU THINK I LIKE TO WATCH HIM EAT?! 298 00:15:28,868 --> 00:15:30,934 ALL RIGHT. SO, WHAT'S GOING ON? 299 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,167 WELL, UH, YOU KNOW. 300 00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:38,267 LONG STORY SHORT -- 301 00:15:38,334 --> 00:15:39,534 AND HERE WE ARE. 302 00:15:40,834 --> 00:15:44,400 YEAH, SO YOU WANT TO GIVE ME THE SLIGHTLY LONGER VERSION? 303 00:15:44,467 --> 00:15:48,801 SURE. I LOST THE RECEIPT AND BOUGHT A NEW DVD PLAYER, AND HERE WE ARE. 304 00:15:48,868 --> 00:15:51,434 OH, MAN! YOU ARE UNBELIEVABLE! 305 00:15:51,501 --> 00:15:53,400 ALL RIGHT. 306 00:15:53,467 --> 00:15:57,300 I'M STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU, TOTALLY VULNERABLE. 307 00:15:57,367 --> 00:15:59,968 IF YOU WANT ME TO TAKE MY PANTS OFF, I WILL. 308 00:16:03,834 --> 00:16:06,367 WHY WOULD I WANT YOU TO TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF? 309 00:16:06,434 --> 00:16:09,701 JUST AN EXPRESSION. 310 00:16:09,767 --> 00:16:11,400 COME ON. COME ON, CHERYL. 311 00:16:11,467 --> 00:16:12,901 GIVE IT TO ME, BOTH BARRELS. 312 00:16:12,968 --> 00:16:14,601 I'M GOING TO! ALL RIGHT. 313 00:16:14,667 --> 00:16:17,968 ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. I'M NOT PULLING ANY PUNCHES. 314 00:16:18,033 --> 00:16:18,968 I KNOW. I KNOW. 315 00:16:19,033 --> 00:16:22,234 ALL RIGHT. OH, DAMN IT! 316 00:16:22,300 --> 00:16:26,934 PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO BUST YOU, AND I CAN'T DO IT. 317 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,267 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 318 00:16:28,334 --> 00:16:29,334 OH! 319 00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:31,300 I TOOK THE RECEIPT OUT OF THE DRAWER. 320 00:16:31,367 --> 00:16:34,067 I WROTE A RECIPE ON IT, AND I HANDED IT TO DANA. 321 00:16:34,133 --> 00:16:38,100 [ SIGHS ] 322 00:16:38,167 --> 00:16:40,701 WHOA! 323 00:16:40,767 --> 00:16:42,234 JIM. 324 00:16:42,300 --> 00:16:45,634 DON'T...PLEASE! 325 00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:53,734 I CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT YOU RIGHT NOW. 326 00:16:53,801 --> 00:16:55,834 COME ON! WE BOTH LIED. 327 00:16:55,901 --> 00:16:59,067 OH, DON'T DRAG ME INTO YOUR WEB OF DECEIT. 328 00:16:59,133 --> 00:17:02,934 WAIT! YOU GOT THE RECEIPT. I CAN RETURN THE DVD. 329 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:06,133 OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. HERE'S WHERE MY STORY GETS FUNNY. 330 00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:09,734 AHH... I BURNED IT. 331 00:17:09,801 --> 00:17:11,534 WHY? 332 00:17:11,601 --> 00:17:14,300 WELL, BECAUSE I KNEW THAT SOONER OR LATER YOU'D FIND IT, 333 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,033 AND THEN YOU'D JUST LORD IT OVER ME. 334 00:17:16,100 --> 00:17:17,868 WELL, I BOUGHT A NEW DVD PLAYER 335 00:17:17,934 --> 00:17:19,834 BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO LORD IT OVER ME 336 00:17:19,901 --> 00:17:21,033 AND THEN PUT IT ON THAT LIST OF YOURS. 337 00:17:21,100 --> 00:17:22,234 OH, MAN! 338 00:17:22,300 --> 00:17:24,167 THE AMOUNT OF TIME WE SPEND KEEPING SCORE, 339 00:17:24,234 --> 00:17:25,601 IT'S JUST EXHAUSTING. 340 00:17:25,667 --> 00:17:28,300 IT IS. OHH! 341 00:17:28,367 --> 00:17:32,067 CHERYL... WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE? 342 00:17:32,133 --> 00:17:35,667 I MEAN, WE -- KEEPING LISTS ON EACH OTHER. 343 00:17:35,734 --> 00:17:38,267 I MEAN, THERE'S GOTTA BE SOME GOOD THINGS ON THAT LIST, 344 00:17:38,334 --> 00:17:39,901 OR WE WOULDN'T BE MARRIED ALL THESE YEARS. 345 00:17:39,968 --> 00:17:41,100 I'VE GOT GOOD THINGS ON THE LIST. 346 00:17:41,167 --> 00:17:42,400 REALLY? YEAH. 347 00:17:42,467 --> 00:17:43,567 WHAT? 348 00:17:43,634 --> 00:17:46,801 OH, HERE'S ONE. "WILL EAT ANYTHING." 349 00:17:48,467 --> 00:17:50,901 HOW ABOUT A GOOD THING THAT'S NOT INSULTING, TOO. 350 00:17:50,968 --> 00:17:53,200 OH, OKAY. OH, I KNOW! 351 00:17:53,267 --> 00:17:54,400 OH, NO. NO. 352 00:17:54,467 --> 00:17:56,901 OH! OH! OH, NO. 353 00:17:56,968 --> 00:17:59,601 CHERYL, COME ON! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME HERE? 354 00:17:59,667 --> 00:18:01,133 OH, OKAY. 355 00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:06,100 OKAY, WELL, I WAS KINDA SAVING THIS ONE, BUT, UM... 356 00:18:06,167 --> 00:18:09,400 HE WAS A GOOD FATHER AND A LOVING, DEVOTED HUSBAND. 357 00:18:09,467 --> 00:18:11,267 "WAS"? 358 00:18:11,334 --> 00:18:13,968 IT'S MY WIDOW'S LIST. 359 00:18:14,033 --> 00:18:16,467 IT'S THE KIND OF STUFF I WAS SAVING FOR YOUR FUNERAL. 360 00:18:17,834 --> 00:18:20,133 YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA LIVE LONGER THAN ME? 361 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:22,868 JIM, YOU ORDER A SIDE OF EGGS WITH YOUR OMELET! 362 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,033 OKAY. HERE GOES. 363 00:18:28,100 --> 00:18:31,834 [ FUNERAL DIRGE PLAYS ] 364 00:18:31,901 --> 00:18:33,901 [ MUSIC STOPS ] 365 00:18:33,968 --> 00:18:35,834 I'D LIKE TO THANK YOU BOTH FOR COMING. 366 00:18:35,901 --> 00:18:37,033 OH! 367 00:18:40,167 --> 00:18:42,334 CHERYL, I HAVE MORE FRIENDS THAN THAT. 368 00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:44,133 DEAD! 369 00:18:46,100 --> 00:18:47,634 [ SIGHS ] 370 00:18:47,701 --> 00:18:48,934 SINCE WE WERE MARRIED, 371 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:51,701 A DAY HASN'T GONE BY THAT JIM HASN'T MADE ME LAUGH. 372 00:18:52,934 --> 00:18:54,701 EVEN IF IT WAS AT HIM RATHER THAN WITH HIM. 373 00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:56,467 HEY! UH-UH! 374 00:18:58,434 --> 00:19:00,634 OH, AND HE'S SUCH A GOOD FATHER. 375 00:19:00,701 --> 00:19:03,801 LIKE ALL THE TIMES HE STAYED UP ALL NIGHT WITH RUBY 376 00:19:03,868 --> 00:19:04,934 WHEN SHE WAS SICK. 377 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:08,234 OR WHEN GRACIE DROPPED HER TEDDY BEAR IN THE LAKE 378 00:19:08,300 --> 00:19:11,100 AND HE JUMPED IN WITH ALL HIS CLOTHES ON TO SAVE IT. 379 00:19:11,167 --> 00:19:13,133 YEAH, I REMEMBER THAT. 380 00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:16,434 A BRAND-NEW ROLL OF LIFESAVERS RUINED. 381 00:19:16,501 --> 00:19:20,834 ANYWAY... 382 00:19:20,901 --> 00:19:23,868 BLANK AND I WOULD LIKE TO INVITE YOU ALL UP TO OUR LAVISH ESTATE 383 00:19:23,934 --> 00:19:26,334 FOR CHAMPAGNE AND CAVIAR. 384 00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:27,834 WHO'S BLANK? 385 00:19:27,901 --> 00:19:29,067 MY BOYFRIEND. 386 00:19:29,133 --> 00:19:31,100 YEAH, HE'S THE CUTE DOCTOR 387 00:19:31,167 --> 00:19:34,334 WHO FOUGHT SO VALIANTLY TO SAVE YOU. 388 00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:35,968 [ CHUCKLES ] 389 00:19:36,033 --> 00:19:38,033 YOU'RE TOO MUCH. 390 00:19:38,100 --> 00:19:40,334 WELL, LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING. 391 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:42,000 DID HE KISS LIKE THIS? 392 00:19:42,067 --> 00:19:44,167 MMM. MMM. 393 00:19:44,234 --> 00:19:45,868 NO. NO, HE DIDN'T. 394 00:19:45,934 --> 00:19:48,667 ACTUALLY, HE KISSED LIKE THIS. 395 00:19:50,334 --> 00:19:53,601 MMM. MMM. 396 00:19:53,667 --> 00:19:55,734 MMM! 397 00:19:55,801 --> 00:19:58,133 I'LL KILL HIM! 398 00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:02,300 BUT FIRST...THIS. 399 00:20:04,334 --> 00:20:07,934 [ Voice breaking ] I JUST LOOKED EVERYWHERE FOR THAT RECEIPT, 400 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,100 AND I JUST COULDN'T FIND IT. 401 00:20:10,167 --> 00:20:11,100 [ SNIFFLES ] 402 00:20:11,167 --> 00:20:14,033 OH, IT'S HOT IN HERE, ISN'T IT? 403 00:20:23,968 --> 00:20:25,968 [ GIGGLES ] 404 00:20:26,033 --> 00:20:28,234 ANYWAY... 405 00:20:28,300 --> 00:20:32,901 SO, UM, IF I DON'T GET $200 BY TOMORROW MORNING, 406 00:20:32,968 --> 00:20:34,868 MY TWIN SISTER AND I AREN'T GONNA BE ABLE TO PAY 407 00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:37,868 THE ENROLLMENT FEE FOR THE LINGERIE CONTEST. 408 00:20:40,801 --> 00:20:42,033 YEAH. OKAY. 409 00:20:42,100 --> 00:20:43,467 OH, YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. 410 00:20:43,534 --> 00:20:45,234 YEAH. YEAH. 411 00:20:47,067 --> 00:20:48,200 HERE, HERE. 412 00:20:48,267 --> 00:20:49,634 AND HERE'S A UNIVERSAL REMOTE ON THE HOUSE. 413 00:20:49,701 --> 00:20:50,767 JUST TAKE THAT. 414 00:20:50,834 --> 00:20:52,634 OH, THANK YOU. 415 00:20:58,334 --> 00:21:00,100 IT OPENS IN, YOU KNOW. 416 00:21:01,634 --> 00:21:02,901 THANK YOU. 417 00:21:06,767 --> 00:21:08,200 GOTCHA! 418 00:21:08,250 --> 00:21:12,800 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 28932

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