All language subtitles for The.Andy.Griffith.Show.S01E12.iNTERNAL.BDRip.x264-LiBRARiANS-n

(whistling sprightly tune)

Starring Andy Griffith...

with Ronny Howard.

Also sfam‘ng Don Knotrs.

Yes, sir, I'd do things
a lot different

if I was running things
down in Washington‘ I would.

A lot different.

You know, I got a
pretty good idea

of what I'd do if
I was president.

You know what I'd do
if I was president?

Mr. President, is it all right
if I scratch my nose?

| tell you what I'd do
if I was president.

For one thing, I'd move my
office out of the White House.

A man can‘t work and live in
the same place as he's employed.

I tried living right here—
back of the shop once.

But it was no good.

The old lady yammering
on the phone.

Cooking smells coming
out of the walls.

It was bad for business.

Floyd, you ain’t getlin‘ them
sideburns too short. are you?

Now, just suppose
that I'm the president,

and I'm having a meeting
with the prime minister,

or maybe one of them kings
from the old country.

And my old lady,
she comes bustin‘ in.

She says, "Floyd, what
you want for supper,

pork roast or hog jowls?"

I believe he's got the left
one a little short, Barney.

That one ain‘t short;
the right one's too long,

Floyd, if you'd stay
out of Washington

and stick to your barbering.
I might get a better haircut!

Oh, what did you do
with my sideburns?l

Howdy, boys.

You got the left
one short, Floyd.

No, the left one's all right;
the right one‘s too long.

Aw, Andy,
you tell me.

How do these sideburns
look to you?

What sideburns?

Doggone, I knew it!

You always do this.

You're clipper-happy.

What are you fussing about?

My sideburns! Where are they?

Are they on the side
or they on the top?

Oh, neither place.

They‘re right here
on the floor.

Floyd, I told you,
I said I just wanted a trim

and you clipped the daylights
out of me, for heaven's sakes.

Well, now, we'll just
fix you right up,

Let me have
them shears there, Floyd,

What are you
gonna do, Andy?

Well, now, now,
you see,

you see, what you‘re
supposed to do,

you‘re supposed to
make them sideburns

come up even with the hole
in his ear.

You see that rig ht there?

Now, next time what you do,

you stick your finger
in his ear for a guide.

Sit down right over there.
I'll show you,

Now, what-what are
you gonna do, Andy?

I'm just gonna even up
them sideburns.

And get up here!

No, you're no barber.

Well, Floyd ain't neither,
but you let him,

-Now stop it, Andy!
-Hold still, hold still.

-This ain‘t gonna hurt,
-Don't, don't...

It won’t hurt one bi»bi—bit...

(grunting)

There she is.

Now, hoWs that
look to everybody?

The left one's still
a wee mile short, Andy.

-See there?
-The right one's way shorter.

-l'm gonna fix that scoundrel.
-Now, let’s just leave...

Hold still now.

Now, now, now, now...

(grunting)

There she is, there.

Now, Floyd, how‘s
that look to you?

Is he still in the chair?

There. There,
Now you know.

He's blind as an owl.

I don't cut from here.

I cut from there.

Next time I want a haircut,

I'm gonna stick my head
in a pencil sharpener.

Certainly. It'll fit, too.

Oh, blow it out
of your ear!

Oh, now, Barney,
don't get so upset.

This is just
a friendly community haircut.

Now, you just
let them sideburns grow,

and inside of a month,

you‘ll look like one
of them bullfighting fellas,

(horn honking)

Must be the bus
from up north coming in.

Yeah. Must be.

A strangerjust got off.

Looks like he‘s
headed this way,

Let me just get this
little Pike's Peak right here.

You want anything
on your head?

Yeah, hair.

Hi,

Hello, Andy.

Floyd.

Howdy.

What you doing?

Oh, we was just giving
Barney a haircut.

Well, make ita good one.
Deputy Sherfit’s

got to look neat.

How‘s your rheumatism, Floyd?

Usually acts up
about this time of year.

Huh? Oh, yes, it does.

Well, I hope
you feel better,

so you can throw
a few horseshoes.

Well, see you later.

0h, uh, say hello to Opie
and Aunt Bee for me, Andy.

Anybody know that fella?

Not me.

I never seen him
in my life,

How did he know
about my rheumatism?

Yeah, and how did he
know I was a deputy

when l was all covered
up with this sheet?

Well, that's peculiar,
ain't it?

Mighty peculiar.

I‘m a right mind
to follow him a ways.

I'm going
with you, Andy.

Here you are, Floyd.
Go buy a barber book.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Buntley,

Hello.

My, your tim’ns
certainly are cute.

Thank you.

Little Robert there
is sleeping just fine,

but William is wide awake,
the little rascal.

You know which one's Robert
and which is William?

Uh-huh. William has a little
mole on his right ear, right?

Yes.

Good day, Mrs. Buntley,

Now, how did he...?

Oh, my, I...

Andy, that fella,
he knew which one had...

l-l know.

It gets more peculiar
all the time.

Well, howdy, stranger.

You want a room?

Sure do.

Sign here.

MAN:
There you are.

209. Just up the stairs...

209?

The one Wilbur Hennessey
got drunk in

and fell out the window?

Well, uh, what do you want?

Hmm... give me 216.

Not that green
is my favorite color

but at least it‘s
been freshly painted,

All right, stranger,
you can have 216,

See you later, Jason.

Sheriff, uh,
Ed sawyer, New York.

Mean anything
to anybody?

Mighty peculiar having a perfect
stranger knowing all about you.

Kind of scary like.

Just ain‘t natural.

Let me go up and ask him
a few questions, Andy.

No, We better
wait on that.

You can't trust a fella
like that, no, sirree.

No, he knows
too much.

Vlfish you'd give me a few minutes
alone with him.

JASON:
Andy, you're the sheriff.

What are you gonna do about
that suspicious character?

Well, as long as he ain‘t
done nothing outside the law,

I ain‘t gonna do nothing.

Well, I‘d sure like to go up
and talk to him.

That fella sure gives
a body the creeps.

I saw a show once
on television

where a stranger knew all about
all the folks in the town

and you know
how it turned out?

The stranger was not
a living being.

He was something
from the supernatural world.

You going up and talk
to him, Barney?

Huh? No.
Oh, I mean...

Well, what's the hurry?

The man ain‘t done nothin'.

Just leave him be.

Right, Sheriff?

Right, Deputy.

Well, well, come on, break
it up! Let‘s get moving here!

Hi, Jason.

I‘m going out
for a little walk.

If anyone should call me,

I'll be back
in about an hour, okay?

Okay.

See you later, Jason.

So long, Barney,

Who do you figure him
to be, Barney?

I don’t rightly know yet.

I'm gonna keep
my eye on him.

What's his room
number again?

216.

216, huh?

Well, Mr. Sawyer,

I'm just gonna have to have
a look around your room.

(yells)

Oh, howdy, Barney,

on, hi, Andy.

What are you doing
back there?

Huh? Oh, nothing,

| just stopped by
to talk to Jason.

Well, what's in there?

In where?

In that box there.

Oh, in there?

Nothing in there.

Well, what do you got
your hand in there for?

Oh, I just come by
every so often

and stick my hand in.

You do?

Mm-hmm. See, sometimes I do it
with both hands. Lookie here.

-(snap)
-(yells)

Well, Barney...

-Well, what are you doing...?
-Off, off, off. Just get it off!

-Just get them off of me.
-What in the world are you,..?

Off!

All right.

(chuckling)

You don't trust anybody,
do you, Jason?

What's going on?
I don't understand.

I don‘t want to talk about it.

Well, dad-burn it, George.

What‘s wrong with a stranger

trying to buy
your service station?

It's for sale, ain't it?

Well, what it he is
a little bit peculiar?

What‘s that got
to do with it?

You just call me

it he tries to give you
any peculiar money.

Yeah, bye, George.

Who's peculiar, Paw?

Oh, I reckon
everybody is a little bit.

I'm part peculiar, Paw.

Yeah? How'd you find that out?

Well, today,
my teacher, she said to me,

did I wash my neck this morning?
And I said I did

and she took a look
and then she said

"Well, it looks
mighty peculiar to me."

You know what it means?

Mrn-hmm. It means dirty.

No. No, it don‘t.

It means
"strange" or "odd."

Let me see.

Huh, that is peculiar.

You better go home
and wash your neck.

Okay, Paw.

-Hi, Barney.
—Howdy, Barney,

Andy, lgot
to talk to you.

What's the matter?

Well, it's about
this stranger.

Well, what'd he do?

Well, he seen me coming
down the street towards him

and he shoved his hand
in his pocket real fast.

You reckon
he's got a gun?

Oh, no.
I don't think so.

Well, he‘s acting mighty
strange, I'll tell you that.

And how do you suppose
he knows so much about us?

I don't know.

And who is he?
What is he?

I don’t know, Maybe we ought
to run him out of town.

0h, Barney, if I was to
mn everybody out of town

that acted a
little bit strange,

I'd wind up emptying
the whole town.

Might have to reach
around and get a good hold

on the seat of
my own britches.

How long do you suppose

he's been spying on us?

Say, do you reckon
he could be a foreign spy?

Oh, he don't sound
foreign to me,

Yeah, well, they learn
to talk better than any of us,

Remember Tokyo Rose?

This boy ain't
Tokyo Rose.

I know that.
But who is he?

Boy, if he is
a foreign spy,

l‘d sure like to be
the one to trap him.

| knowjust how
to do it, too.

-Oh, you do, do you?
-Mm-hmm.

Well, you just better
just be careful about...

Hi, Andy.

Well, Mr. Sawyer,

How are you,
stranger?

Y-You know Barney
here, of course.

Oh, sure.
Hiya, Barney.

Sprechen sie deutsch?

Uh, nothing. Nothing.

I'll see you
later, Andy.

What was that about?

Oh, nothing,

Just Barney‘s way

of trying to find out
something about you.

We don't none of us know
much about you, you know.

No, I guess you don‘t.

Uh, l, uh, I understand

you want to buy
George Sapperly’s gas station.

Yeah. That's what I came
over to see you about,

When we draw up the papers,
would you be a witness for me?

I'd appreciate it.

Oh, yeah.

I guess I could do that.

Thanks, Andy.

Thanks a lot.

Uh...

You, uh...

You figure that will be

a good deal
for you, do you?

Oh, yeah,

He’s let it
run down a little,

but I can
fix it up fine.

Well, so long, Andy.

Uh, uh...

Am I right
or-or—or wrong,

you... you never
have been

in Mayberry before,
have you?

No, never.

But you figure
to be happy here?

Are you kidding?

Why shouldn't I be?

Oh, uh, I don't know.

Why should you be?

Why, because Mayberry‘s
my hometown.

So long, Andy,

(door shuts)

Curious, curious, cu-u»rious.

Bad news. Bad, bad news
everywhere.

Didn't have no rain last summer
and that hurt the crops,

and now | see
where there's a early frost

that has hurt the peach crop
this year.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Ain't that a shame
in this world?

Well, now, there‘s
some good news.

Ol' man Joe MacKnight celebrates
his 103rd birthday.

What do you think about that?

Reporters asked him what advice
he could give to the young folks

for a long, happy
and vigorous life.

Old Joe raised up,
leaned forward, smiled

and then fell back
to sleep again.

Andy...

Next!

You go back to sleep, Floyd.

We're a whole lot safer
that way.

What is it, Barney?

Well, now maybe you‘ll
finally do something.

-We got him now.
-Huh?

Well, lguess this
oughta do it for you

for once and for all.

He finally overplayed his hand,

Now you gonna do something?

Wh-What are you, what are you
talking about, Barney?

Wh-Wh-What do you
want me to do?

I'm talking
about Ed Sawyer,

That‘s what I‘m
talking about.

Now, you gonna do
something or ain't you?

We oughta move
in rig ht now.

Well, what'd he do?

What'd he do?
I'll tell you what he did.

He's been hanging around
Lucy Matthews's house.

And he rang her doorbell.

So?

So, now's the time
to arrest him

and bring this dangerous fella
in for questioning.

Yeah, well, what are you

gonna arrest
this dangerous fella for?

What for?

Well, for ringing her doorbell,

Barney, you can‘t arrest him
for ringing her doorbell.

I can't?!

Well, last Halloween,

| drug
three 12-yearold boys in,

Oh, Barney,

And this fella ain't even got
the excuse of tn'ck-or-treat.

I admit he's a curious one

and I wonder about him
a whole lot,

but we'll just have
to leave him alone.

I reckon we'll find out
something ‘bout him by and by.

Yeah, well,
I still say

there‘s a way
of trapping him,

And I still think
he's some kind of a spy,

Oh, you do?

Yes, ldo.

And you figure

somebody here in town
is his contact

and maybe between ‘em,

they're trying
to figure out

some of our secrets
like how we make possum pie

or how we make turnip jarn...

Law-aw! You don't reckon
he's here snooping 'round,

trying to find out
how we make fried chicken

and johnnycake, do you?

Go ahead, make,
make jokes about it.

Well, Barney,
what do you want me to do?

(moaning)

Oh, we better
get out of here.

We're disturbing Floyd.

Next!

Just a fly, a fly,

0h.

| wish you'd stop

messing around and
tend to business.

Well, I don‘t know why
we don't just run him in,

Well, he ain‘t done
nary a thing.

Well, lstill
say he‘s a spy,

Well, Mr. Sawyer,
how are you?

Fine.

What do you say, Barney?

Habla usted
espanoly?

What?

Nothing.

He's kinda kooky,
isn't he?

Ye-Yeah, a little bit,
but he's nice.

Say, Andy, I wonder if
you could do me a favor.

Well, if I can.

Come on in here
in the courthouse

and tell me about it.

Let me get you a chair

and you can tell me
what I can do for you,

Well, you, uh...

you know Lucy
Matthews, don't you?

Yeah. I understand you been
calling on her a latte bit.

Well, I spoke to
her on the phone

but she won‘t have
any part of me

and I can't get her
to answer the door.

Won't, huh?

She's pretty, isn't she?

She's nice, too,

isn't she?

Yeah.

Why-why do you want to know?

I love her.

Y-Y-You love her?

You've never seen her?

No.

But you love her?

Yeah.

You believe folks will ever
fly to the moon?

Sure.

I'm going there myself someday,

Boy, you're already there.

Now, what, uh, what was it

you wanted me to do
about you and Lucy?

Well, since
you know her...

(door opening)

Sheriff, I've come
to file a complaint.

Oh, hello, Lucy,

Lucy!

Lucy Matthews.

You're just like
I expected.

Sheriff!

Uh, Ed, don't you think

it might be
a pretty good idea

it l was
to introduce you?

Oh, that's
not necessary.

I know everything
about her.

You do?

You were valedictorian
of your class.

Blue's your
favorite color,

you love to dance,

you like hot
fudge sundaes,

you're a Capricorn,
and I'm just warming up.

Uh, I wouldn't get
much warmer there, Ed.

I might have
to run you in,

I know you better than
anybody could know you,

Now, look, I‘ve never
seen you before in my life

and I think you're crazy.

I know he is.

Now, will you please
stop ringing my doorbell?

use:

What did I do?

Well, I don't know.

You'll have to admit

that was kind of
an unusual meeting.

You don't think l was
too forward the first time?

FonNard? Why, no!

I'm surprised you didn't
ask her to marry you.

What's the matter
with you, how

You shy or something?

|-| guess
I scared her.

Well, now,
in a way, I'd say

yes, you did scare her
just the least little on.

You‘ve scared a right many
people around here.

-George Sapperly. ..
-What do you mean?

Well, you scared him out of
selling you that gas station.

But it's for sale.

He said that...

Yeah, yeah,
i-it's for sale

but not to you.

0h. .

It didn't work.

It's as simple as that.

It just didn't work.

Well, what didn't work?

Now, you're leaving out
a right good part of it there,

Why don't you start
right at the very beginning

and tell me everything
about what didn't work?

Well, it-it may sound
kinda silly, but, but here goes,

Do you remember
Joe Larson?

Yeah, yeah,
Pete and Edie Larson's boy,

Joined the army
‘bout five or six years ago,

That's right, and when I did
my hitch, l was his buddy.

Oh, I used to
envy Joe Larson.

How come?

'Cause he was from here

and, and l was from no place.

Well, now,
nobody's from no place,

Oh, living alone, hotel,
no family--

that’s like being no place.

Anyway, I used to read
Joe's hometown paper.

Read it every week.

Uh-huh.

A-And | used to listen
to Joe tell about the place

and, well, when I got
back to New York,

at the hotel I lived in,

I kept on subscribing
to the paper.

I learned everything there was
to know about Mayberry.

Pretty soon

I started telling people
that I came from here.

All of a sudden,
I started believing itmyself.

You did?

Yeah.

And when | read

George Sapperly‘s
gas station was for sale

I figured the time had come

for me to make my move
to Mayberry--

my... hometown.

Huh!

Well, how come
you didn't tell us that

when you first got here?

Oh, guess I was awful stupid,

No, now, no,
y-you‘re not stupid,

A little bit overanxious maybe.

You like the town.

You like that little girl.

But you got to give them time,
you see,

to like you back.

Yeah.

I guess you‘re right.

Yes, sirree.

Folks like
to take things slow.

Some people don't even
hold hands in public

till they've had their seventh
or eighth young'un.

You know what's the truth?

This would make a right good
piece for our paper.

Oh, Andy, I don't...

Yes, yes, itwould.

Folks would read about you,
and they‘d get to see

that you're just like
everybody else

and that, that you
ain't a spook

nor a foreign spy
nor nothing.

You really think
it would work?

Yes, sirree.

I'll just call the paper
and tell them about it

and theyll print it.

Yes, sir.

Exactly what I’ll do.

Now, you go on
back to the hotel

and don't worry
nary a on.

Okay, |-|'|| be
at the hotel.

All right.

|-I'lI wait for you to call,

All right.

Uh, Sara...?

Me.

Uh, S—Sara, get me the paper,

I got a story 'bout
that stranger that's in town

that you will not believe.

I want you to know
you will not believe it,

What?

You-You-You—You‘re
provoked with him?

He knows you take a pinch of
snuff now and then, does he?

Wait until you find out how come
he knows so much about us.

(crowd shouting angrily)

Come on!

What have you done,
come on?!

You see, what...

Wait a minute, Sara.

I hear a little, little
scuffling outside the jail here,

Let me, let me call you back.

All, all right.

(clamoring)

Why don't you
leave him alone?

Maybe he'd just
like to go home.

Yeah, all the way home
where he come from!

Yeah!

(clamoring)

ANDY: Wait a minute.
Hey, what's going on?

What, what in the world
are you all trying to do?

What's the matter
with you, Bill?

What are you trying
to fight him for?

I don‘t like the way
he's been hanging...

-He ain‘t done nothing to you.
-He's been bothering Lucy.

ANDY:
He ain't been bothering you

or your sister Lucy
or anybody else.

I know why
you're trying to fight him.

I know why everybody here
wants to fight him.

ANDY: You're just letting
Bill Matthews do it for you.

Y'all are trying to run
this boy out of town.

Don‘t, Andy.
Just let me go.

No, I'm bound to say this

and thej/re bound
to listen, too.

Now, what's his big crime?

What‘s this boy done to make
all of you so mad at him?

Nothing. Not nar' a thing.

He just picked Mayberry to be
his hometown, that's all.

ANDY: Just picked it right out.
Picked it right out.

And how come he knows
so much about everybody?

He'd been taking
our hometown paper by mail.

Been reading and studying up
on everybody.

And then he decided he wanted
to come here and live,

fit in and act like one of you.

His only crime was he tried
to fit in a little too fast.

Got overanxious about it.

Made some of you
feel suspicious.

Made some of you feel foolish.

Scared some of you.

But out of all the towns,

he picked Mayberry
to be his hometown.

It looks like to me,
you'd be proud

to have a fella
who thinks so much of you

to want to come and settle down
and live amongst you.

-Andy, forget it.
-I don't blame you.

ldon't blame you nar‘ a bit
for wanting to forget it.

Some fellas pick
the wrong woman.

I reckon you picked
the wrong town.

lwouldn't blame you nar‘ a bit
ifyou left here

and never set one foot
in here again

and the way I feel right now,

I've a great mind
to go with you.

LUCY:
Mr. Sawyer, um...

|-| would be very happy
if you would like to call on me

tonight.

Huh?

Stop by the gas station
later, son.

We'll draw up the papers.

Well, |...

Rates at the hotel
are cheaper

by the month, son.

Well!

BARNEY: All right, all right,
let's break it up!

Let's move it along.

You‘re congregating
unlawfully.

You know, I always had
a feeling about him, Andy.

Oh, l-l know, I never
said nothing 'bout it,

but he's all right.

Yeah.

You like him, do you?

Yeah.

Sprechen the Deutsch?

Well, Ed, long as you're
going to live with us

and you're going
to be one of us,

why, you might as well
look like us.

Floyd!

-Next!
—Go get 'em, Floyd.

Remember
about the sideburns.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

(whistling sprightly tune)