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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,610 --> 00:00:13,779 [rock music intro] 2 00:00:21,022 --> 00:00:24,089 [sounds of football being kicked around] 3 00:00:26,394 --> 00:00:29,228 [thunder clap] 4 00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:32,765 [background conversation] 5 00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:35,701 [girls giggle in background] 6 00:00:38,606 --> 00:00:42,608 [Mark] If I'm being honest, even now I come across like a lobotomized hamster 7 00:00:42,610 --> 00:00:45,177 when it comes to approaching women 8 00:00:45,179 --> 00:00:51,350 and at the age of 12 having just blossomed into an idiot, I knew even less. 9 00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:56,388 - What are you doing? - Uh hi, Connie. I wrote this for you. 10 00:00:57,625 --> 00:01:01,160 Every day you're on my mind, I love the way you laugh. 11 00:01:01,162 --> 00:01:02,661 I promise to always treat you kind, 12 00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:04,496 like you're my better half. 13 00:01:04,498 --> 00:01:06,498 I'll keep you close to my heart 14 00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:09,201 you will always be and hope we're never apart, 15 00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:10,436 forever you and me. 16 00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:13,439 What do you think? 17 00:01:13,441 --> 00:01:15,707 [rock music] 18 00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:20,179 [laughter] 19 00:01:21,482 --> 00:01:23,082 Ugh! 20 00:01:23,084 --> 00:01:24,616 [boys laugh] 21 00:01:29,090 --> 00:01:31,190 [religious choral singing] 22 00:01:31,192 --> 00:01:34,593 [priest] People who walk in darkness, will see a great light. Amen. 23 00:01:36,864 --> 00:01:39,698 The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. 24 00:01:41,302 --> 00:01:43,769 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures. 25 00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:49,775 Jesus said to them: "I am the bread of life, whoever comes to me 26 00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:55,714 will never be hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty." 27 00:01:55,716 --> 00:01:57,616 Blah, blah, blah. 28 00:01:58,853 --> 00:02:01,453 [Mark] That kid that was beating on me all those years ago, 29 00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:02,688 this is his funeral. 30 00:02:02,690 --> 00:02:04,590 His epitaph would have read 31 00:02:04,592 --> 00:02:09,862 Here lies Tommy. He was an asshole, calm as a bitch, 32 00:02:09,864 --> 00:02:13,198 but my anonymous suggestion was ignored. 33 00:02:14,502 --> 00:02:20,305 Anyway, ashes to ashes, dust to dust, 34 00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:21,707 et cetera, et cetera. 35 00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:26,145 Mazel tov, amen. 36 00:02:26,780 --> 00:02:29,548 Obviously he never said that because none of this is true. 37 00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:34,786 Did you enjoy that? Yeah? 38 00:02:34,788 --> 00:02:36,455 - This is my girlfriend, Daniela. - [Daniella] Hi. 39 00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:37,756 [Kendra] Nice to meet you, Daniela. 40 00:02:37,758 --> 00:02:39,191 Have a nice time I'll be back in a minute. 41 00:02:39,193 --> 00:02:40,159 [Daniella] Sure. 42 00:02:44,265 --> 00:02:45,831 Hello, granddad. 43 00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:46,832 Johnny. 44 00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:52,905 Surprised to see you here. 45 00:02:52,907 --> 00:02:54,606 - Well, I couldn't believe he was dead. - Hmm. 46 00:02:54,608 --> 00:02:55,641 I had to make sure. 47 00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:57,776 - Hi. - Tim. 48 00:02:57,778 --> 00:02:59,444 - Daniela, nice to meet you. - How you doing there, how you doing. 49 00:02:59,446 --> 00:03:01,747 - How have you been, Johnny? - Yeah, 50 00:03:01,749 --> 00:03:05,184 damn good, mate. Absolutely fucking, spot on, actually. 51 00:03:05,186 --> 00:03:06,818 Working as a legal consultant 52 00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:09,321 tearing the ass out of my gorgeous girlfriend over there, 53 00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:11,757 life couldn't be fucking sweeter. 54 00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:15,861 - Did you come with anyone? - Yes, do you see that chinless twat over there? 55 00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:17,896 - Who's the oaf? - That's my flatmate. 56 00:03:18,899 --> 00:03:20,766 You brought your flatmate to a funeral? 57 00:03:22,236 --> 00:03:25,404 To be honest, he just kind of goes wherever there's free food. 58 00:03:25,406 --> 00:03:26,638 Why don't you go and talk to her? 59 00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:30,442 Of course, she won't remember you. 60 00:03:30,444 --> 00:03:34,646 Ah, having said that I only recognized you when you started crying. 61 00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:36,848 Oh, I didn't, I didn't-- 62 00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:39,384 I've got some vouchers from my nan, 63 00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:41,753 that's it. I mean, not enough to go. 64 00:03:41,755 --> 00:03:43,355 - [Mark] Tim. Tim! - But you have credit cards. 65 00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,457 - One second. - Someone I want you to meet. 66 00:03:45,459 --> 00:03:46,658 Keep saving. 67 00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:48,260 Hello, Tim. 68 00:03:48,262 --> 00:03:51,296 How are you doing. So, here's the skinny. 69 00:03:51,298 --> 00:03:53,632 So, the self-obsessed duckface over there, 70 00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:55,934 was the soon to be widow fat bloke. 71 00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:58,270 Apparently, he was fucking loaded. 72 00:03:58,272 --> 00:04:02,274 Good looking girl over there, she's engaged to the Ken Doll, 73 00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:04,543 and the hotty, right, she's an escort. 74 00:04:04,545 --> 00:04:06,645 - She's here with some chinless prat, right. - No. 75 00:04:06,647 --> 00:04:07,746 - Yes. - I just can't work out which one. 76 00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:08,747 - Tim. - No, no, no. 77 00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:09,881 Thank you. 78 00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:11,817 Ah, so girlfriend, eh? 79 00:04:11,819 --> 00:04:13,385 I didn't want to come standing. 80 00:04:13,387 --> 00:04:14,386 Oh, so you thought you'd come with a hooker 81 00:04:14,388 --> 00:04:15,687 to avoid embarrassment. 82 00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:17,456 She's an escort, there's a difference. 83 00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:19,992 Okay, I'm going to leave you two to get better acquainted. 84 00:04:23,998 --> 00:04:26,298 [woman] That was a lovely service, Father. 85 00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:28,000 Breaks my heart in two having lost him, 86 00:04:28,002 --> 00:04:31,303 but at least I know he's at peace up there in heaven. 87 00:04:31,305 --> 00:04:34,640 Oh sure, he's probably skipping along with Father Christmas 88 00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:36,808 and the Easter Bunny right now. 89 00:04:36,810 --> 00:04:38,910 Connie, hi. 90 00:04:38,912 --> 00:04:41,046 I just heard that you and uh, Tommy were together 91 00:04:41,048 --> 00:04:43,682 I just wanted to, you know, offer my condolences. 92 00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:44,850 Thanks. 93 00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:47,686 Such a pointless, senseless waste. 94 00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:49,054 Tommy dying? 95 00:04:49,056 --> 00:04:50,555 Yah, that too. 96 00:04:50,557 --> 00:04:52,391 Um, took me by surprise, to be honest, 97 00:04:52,393 --> 00:04:53,892 didn't realize that he was your type. 98 00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:57,296 Right, [chuckles] and who are you? 99 00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:03,302 Mark, we went to school together for eight years. 100 00:05:03,304 --> 00:05:04,803 I don't remember Tommy mentioning you, 101 00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:07,406 but thank you so much for coming. 102 00:05:07,408 --> 00:05:09,608 Hey, if you, uh, if you ever want to catch up, 103 00:05:09,610 --> 00:05:11,310 if you need a shoulder to cry on. 104 00:05:11,312 --> 00:05:12,744 You know, I'm, I'm always here if you need me. 105 00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:14,646 Sorry, Martin, I don't know who you are... 106 00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,014 I'm Mark. 107 00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:17,449 ...but are you seriously making moves on me 108 00:05:17,451 --> 00:05:19,551 at my boyfriend's funeral? 109 00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:22,421 That's not what I was-- I was just saying that if you-- 110 00:05:22,423 --> 00:05:25,023 Uh, I'm going to leave. He-- Here's my card. 111 00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:27,959 I'm Mark, Mark Walwyn. 112 00:05:27,961 --> 00:05:30,362 - Um, just give me a call anytime you need a-- - No. 113 00:05:30,364 --> 00:05:33,832 I'm gonna-- It's not a proposition, I'm-- Tim! 114 00:05:35,769 --> 00:05:37,035 Nice to meet you, chinless. 115 00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:38,937 [music] 116 00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:40,672 Hmph... 117 00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:46,044 My deepest condolences. 118 00:05:47,448 --> 00:05:50,015 Just remember that Tony's in a better place now. 119 00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:51,817 - Who is Tony? - Whatever. 120 00:05:51,819 --> 00:05:53,118 [music] 121 00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,389 Fucking hell. 122 00:05:57,391 --> 00:05:59,791 Now, Mark, can I borrow £ 100, 123 00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:02,461 'cause that escort doesn't take a fiver, I can tell you that. 124 00:06:02,463 --> 00:06:05,997 Tommy would be rolling in his grave, if he knew Mark had turned up. 125 00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:08,900 - Mark who? - The wanker you were just talking to. 126 00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:10,802 - Oh. - Oh you remember, 127 00:06:10,804 --> 00:06:12,771 he was the one that sent you that pathetic poem. 128 00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:15,374 I mean-- Tommy ended up beating him up for the next six years. 129 00:06:15,376 --> 00:06:18,410 - Oh my god, that was him? - Huh-huh, yeah. 130 00:06:18,412 --> 00:06:20,412 - Why was he here? - Well, I don't know, Connie. 131 00:06:20,414 --> 00:06:21,513 What's that? 132 00:06:21,515 --> 00:06:22,748 His card. 133 00:06:24,385 --> 00:06:26,485 - You're kidding me. - What? 134 00:06:27,855 --> 00:06:29,020 My client, they're trying to buy this. 135 00:06:29,022 --> 00:06:31,757 It's a-- it's a startup company. 136 00:06:31,759 --> 00:06:34,960 - So? - They're trying to buy it for 20 million! 137 00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:37,629 Really? 138 00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:39,865 [music] 139 00:06:44,405 --> 00:06:47,672 [theme music] 140 00:06:49,042 --> 00:06:51,443 [background chatter] 141 00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:55,680 [Mark] Thank you so much. 142 00:06:55,682 --> 00:06:59,050 - Thank you. Chin-chin. - Cheers. 143 00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:00,118 Dead people. 144 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,854 To funerals. 145 00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:03,922 Ahh. 146 00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:05,690 On a scale of 1-10, 147 00:07:05,692 --> 00:07:07,759 how successful was your little meeting earlier? 148 00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:11,663 About a three. She didn't even remember me. 149 00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:14,032 Aw, well yeah, you are very forgettable. 150 00:07:15,736 --> 00:07:19,204 How the hell does someone like Mark make 20 million? 151 00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:22,941 - By being a boring sad fucking nerd. - [sighs] 152 00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:28,013 He's gonna waste it on computers and porn. 153 00:07:28,015 --> 00:07:29,648 Do something about it then. 154 00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:30,982 What's so great about her? 155 00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:32,951 It's hard to qualify really. 156 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:39,124 She just-- She was always so interesting, you know, just always made me laugh. 157 00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:42,994 Well, it's not exactly the greatest stretch 158 00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:45,664 of the imagination to presume in certain circumstances, 159 00:07:45,666 --> 00:07:47,899 a gold-digger such as yourself 160 00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:51,169 could relieve a moron, such as Mark, 161 00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:53,104 of half his money. 162 00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:55,707 - You mean-- - Uhuh... 163 00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:58,577 Marry him. 164 00:07:58,579 --> 00:08:00,979 Ugh, I don't want to marry someone I'm not in love with. 165 00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:03,515 Of course, of course, of course. I know you're not in love with him, 166 00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:06,985 but let's say hypothetically 167 00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:09,754 you could love 10 million, couldn't you? [kissing] 168 00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:12,591 Hypothetically... 169 00:08:13,260 --> 00:08:14,893 I could love 10 million. 170 00:08:14,895 --> 00:08:18,663 Exactly, that's what I thought. Mm. 171 00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:19,598 Johnny? 172 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,099 Yes, sugar-tits. 173 00:08:23,070 --> 00:08:24,903 Get your hands off me. 174 00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:25,871 Right. 175 00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:29,808 Well, it could be worse, yeah? 176 00:08:29,810 --> 00:08:32,911 You could be like him, with a gold-digger on your arm. 177 00:08:32,913 --> 00:08:35,647 Sorry. He doesn't look too unhappy. 178 00:08:35,649 --> 00:08:38,116 Hey, mate, are you happy? 179 00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:39,084 Yes. 180 00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:43,221 Ignorance is bliss, innit? 181 00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:47,559 I wouldn't want to be with someone who's only with me for my money, would you? 182 00:08:47,561 --> 00:08:49,828 No, I wouldn't want to be alone either. 183 00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:51,530 That would justify it? 184 00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:53,765 If he's happy, why does he have to justify it? 185 00:08:58,305 --> 00:08:59,905 Ah, Mate. 186 00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,275 Fuck off, you deserve that. 187 00:09:03,277 --> 00:09:05,911 Go on, the door's that way. Off you go. 188 00:09:14,555 --> 00:09:18,924 [music] 189 00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:27,599 Hi, is that Mark? 190 00:09:27,601 --> 00:09:29,200 [Mark] Yes, hi. 191 00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:38,209 Would you be, free to meet up at all? 192 00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:40,278 Yeah, I'll meet up. That sounds great. 193 00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:43,114 Good, thank you. 194 00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:45,150 They'll see you now, just go to the fourth floor. 195 00:09:45,152 --> 00:09:46,084 Thank you. 196 00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:48,620 [upbeat music] 197 00:09:54,161 --> 00:09:57,028 Amazing! Okay, great, then I'll see you on Tuesday. 198 00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:59,598 [music] 199 00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:19,918 [knocking on the window] 200 00:10:21,254 --> 00:10:22,387 Fuck off. 201 00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:28,927 Because time dilation right close to a black hole is a maximum of 50%. 202 00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:31,630 So, that doesn't make any sense that they would be there for 30 years, 203 00:10:31,632 --> 00:10:32,998 whilst they're down there 40 minutes. 204 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:36,167 - Are you okay? - Yeah, why? 205 00:10:36,169 --> 00:10:39,971 - Your eye's twitching a lot. - Is it? 206 00:10:40,841 --> 00:10:42,140 You're not having a stroke, are you? [sarcastic chuckle] 207 00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:44,009 No, it's probably just pink eye. 208 00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:48,079 I don't have pink eye. I don't have any STDs, I don't-- 209 00:10:50,017 --> 00:10:51,049 Hi. 210 00:10:51,051 --> 00:10:53,184 Yes, great, thank you. 211 00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:55,420 That, I'm just surprised that you called me. 212 00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:57,689 Really, why? 213 00:10:57,691 --> 00:10:59,324 Because I could hear myself 214 00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:03,728 and I sound stupid and I'm clearly floundering. 215 00:11:03,730 --> 00:11:06,731 Just, just, just relax, just be yourself. 216 00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:09,668 Thank you, thank you so much. 217 00:11:12,906 --> 00:11:13,972 Thanks. 218 00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:21,413 Uh. 219 00:11:21,415 --> 00:11:22,447 Yeah, it's lovely. 220 00:11:22,449 --> 00:11:24,883 Good, glad you approve. 221 00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:25,950 I do. 222 00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:30,021 Thank you. 223 00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:31,356 Thank you so much. 224 00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:34,459 See the point is that uh, 225 00:11:34,461 --> 00:11:37,128 well, we haven't spoken for 12 years, 226 00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:41,366 and, um, I mean there must be a reason why 227 00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:44,969 because y--, y--, you know I liked you. 228 00:11:44,971 --> 00:11:46,337 Mark, you're a nice guy. 229 00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:49,441 Oh no, not-- don't call me a nice guy. 230 00:11:49,443 --> 00:11:51,943 Not the whole, it's not you, it's me thing. 231 00:11:51,945 --> 00:11:54,746 No, it's not me, it is you. 232 00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:56,381 What? 233 00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:59,984 Mark, I really liked you. 234 00:11:59,986 --> 00:12:04,255 I never wanted you to be the kind of guy that let life slip through their fingers. 235 00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:08,126 If Tommy's passing taught me anything, it's that 236 00:12:08,128 --> 00:12:09,961 life's short. 237 00:12:11,131 --> 00:12:12,831 If there's something you want, 238 00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:16,468 you've gotta take it. 239 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:21,406 What are you doing? 240 00:12:22,309 --> 00:12:23,441 What do you think? 241 00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:26,311 I mean, if I'm misreading things 242 00:12:26,313 --> 00:12:28,046 that's very embarrassing for me. 243 00:12:28,048 --> 00:12:29,814 I think that ship's sailed. 244 00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:33,318 Has it? 245 00:12:36,523 --> 00:12:37,889 Apéritif-- 246 00:12:37,891 --> 00:12:39,090 - Just kiss me, Mark. - Yes! 247 00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:40,325 - [glass clangs] - [Mark] Oh. 248 00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:47,532 I am so sorry. I'm so sorry. 249 00:12:49,302 --> 00:12:51,436 Excuse me, thank you. Hey. 250 00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:03,982 Thank you, thank you so much. 251 00:13:14,361 --> 00:13:17,262 Just a little drop, ahh. 252 00:13:18,098 --> 00:13:19,430 [sniffs] You're fine. 253 00:13:20,867 --> 00:13:24,569 So the reason I-- I did the second glass of wine, 254 00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:27,138 uh, was because, 255 00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:32,243 didn't want it to stain, hence the white wine. 256 00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:35,313 Uh, I realize you're not a carpet. 257 00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:37,415 No. 258 00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:39,517 So-- 259 00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:42,554 I fucked that one up, didn't I? 260 00:13:46,026 --> 00:13:47,859 At least it wasn't flaming Sambucas! 261 00:13:49,229 --> 00:13:50,228 Mark. 262 00:13:52,599 --> 00:13:54,232 [uplifting romantic music] 263 00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:09,247 Yes. 264 00:14:12,619 --> 00:14:14,552 [romantic uplifting song] 265 00:15:43,343 --> 00:15:48,212 Connie, you once told me that if there's something in life that you want, 266 00:15:48,214 --> 00:15:51,382 you have to take it, and I'm uh, 267 00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:55,453 uh... I'm crazy about you 268 00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:58,623 and uh, tonight I'm hoping that one little word-- 269 00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:00,391 [snaps the box closed] Yes. 270 00:16:01,561 --> 00:16:03,428 But I uh, I wrote this whole uh, 271 00:16:03,430 --> 00:16:04,629 this um-- 272 00:16:06,733 --> 00:16:10,101 Ugh, Mark, you're so sweet. Come here. 273 00:16:13,039 --> 00:16:14,005 Thank you. 274 00:16:25,285 --> 00:16:26,718 That's how I always pictured it. 275 00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:28,052 Me too. 276 00:16:29,990 --> 00:16:34,292 [Mark] Tim, we've been friends now for-- I don't know. 277 00:16:34,294 --> 00:16:37,028 But in that time, we've always been there for each other, haven't we? 278 00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:40,231 Friends is a very strong word, but, yes, flatmates, 279 00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:42,467 we've always been very supportive of each other. 280 00:16:42,469 --> 00:16:44,202 So, on my special day, 281 00:16:44,204 --> 00:16:46,471 when I have the love of my life on one side, 282 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:52,643 nothing would make me prouder than to have my best um, flatmate on the other. 283 00:16:52,645 --> 00:16:54,579 I suppose it makes sense. 284 00:16:54,581 --> 00:16:57,615 So, the question I want to ask you, Timmy... 285 00:16:59,285 --> 00:17:03,154 Tim, is-- will you do me the honor of being my best man? 286 00:17:03,156 --> 00:17:05,623 Yeah, all right, just give me my hand back. 287 00:17:05,625 --> 00:17:07,158 Give me a hug, you big tit. 288 00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:09,627 Aw, that was easy. 289 00:17:09,629 --> 00:17:12,130 Well, in my capacity as best man 290 00:17:12,132 --> 00:17:16,067 I'm going to ask you to reconsider marrying her. 291 00:17:16,069 --> 00:17:18,569 - What? - Now-- 292 00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:22,106 I'd like to draw your attention to some information I've had compiled. 293 00:17:22,108 --> 00:17:23,374 [chuckles] What is this? 294 00:17:25,612 --> 00:17:27,211 She's a bit of a shit. 295 00:17:27,213 --> 00:17:29,480 You can't call her a bit of a shit, Tim. 296 00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:30,615 She's my fiancé. 297 00:17:30,617 --> 00:17:32,583 Well, I'm duty bound 298 00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:35,253 to make you fully aware that you're about to marry a shit. 299 00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:38,089 She's not a shit, she's awesome. 300 00:17:38,091 --> 00:17:42,393 Is she though? I mean, look at the evidence it's there in black and white. 301 00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:44,762 Look, you just don't know her the way I do, 302 00:17:44,764 --> 00:17:46,631 okay, she's wonderful. 303 00:17:46,633 --> 00:17:50,201 She's made me happier than I've ever been, okay? 304 00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:53,271 Been very inconvenient for me, booted out of the flat. 305 00:17:53,273 --> 00:17:54,772 Well, I was being cruel to be kind. 306 00:17:54,774 --> 00:17:56,641 You should spread your wings a little 307 00:17:56,643 --> 00:17:58,509 you couldn't sleep on my couch for the rest of your life. 308 00:17:58,511 --> 00:18:01,212 Cruel to be kind. You're just being a twat to be selfish. 309 00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:03,848 The only reason you wanted me out of the flat, 310 00:18:03,850 --> 00:18:08,186 was so you could strut around naked, balls flapping around, 311 00:18:08,188 --> 00:18:10,254 and have sex in the lounge. 312 00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:12,090 Yes, I was, I did, and I have. 313 00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:14,158 What was it like? 314 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:15,526 Great. 315 00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:16,694 Lucky. 316 00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:18,396 Yeah. 317 00:18:18,398 --> 00:18:19,530 What do you think, Ducky? 318 00:18:19,532 --> 00:18:21,799 Ducky, is that a chicken leg? 319 00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:27,538 Chicken leg. Chicken leg. It's a chicken leg, it's a chicken leg. 320 00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:28,806 [Ducky growls] 321 00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:30,608 - Chicken leg. - Aw, Ha, oh god. 322 00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:31,576 What a brute. 323 00:18:31,578 --> 00:18:33,411 What a brute! 324 00:18:33,413 --> 00:18:35,780 [music] 325 00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:39,283 Here you go. 326 00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:40,384 Thanks. 327 00:18:46,693 --> 00:18:48,126 That's expensive wine. 328 00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:49,227 Thank you. 329 00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:50,661 So, I was thinking, 330 00:18:50,663 --> 00:18:52,530 what if we got married in six weeks? 331 00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:55,333 - Sure. - Really? 332 00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:57,235 Get married before, if you want. 333 00:18:57,237 --> 00:18:59,303 Whatever, if you can find a church that's free. 334 00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:00,238 Okay. 335 00:19:01,875 --> 00:19:03,875 You put any thought into who you want to be your maid of honor? 336 00:19:03,877 --> 00:19:05,576 Yes, my sister. 337 00:19:05,578 --> 00:19:07,879 Oh, [inhales] could she go on holy ground? 338 00:19:09,215 --> 00:19:11,415 Nothing funny about a pigmentation problem, Mark. 339 00:19:11,417 --> 00:19:12,550 She's not a vampire! 340 00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:14,318 Okay. [chuckles] 341 00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:17,255 I just thought it'd be Kendra, I like her, she's great. 342 00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:19,223 Well, maybe you should marry her instead. 343 00:19:19,225 --> 00:19:20,558 No, I just thought she'd be your first-- 344 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:22,160 Oh, Jesus Christ, Mark! 345 00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:23,661 Will you stop talking about the wedding. 346 00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:24,595 Shut up! 347 00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:27,165 [soft music] 348 00:19:37,177 --> 00:19:39,243 Oh, uh, hi. 349 00:19:39,245 --> 00:19:40,578 I'm sorry, baby. 350 00:19:44,217 --> 00:19:45,650 Mm. 351 00:19:45,652 --> 00:19:49,654 I'm just adjusting. It's all very new for me. 352 00:19:49,656 --> 00:19:51,289 Don't be mad at me. 353 00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:53,791 Well I'm-- you know, I'm not entirely sure 354 00:19:53,793 --> 00:19:56,294 you should be... unpunished. 355 00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:59,897 I'm ready for anything. 356 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,934 Whatever you want to give me. 357 00:20:02,936 --> 00:20:03,834 Okay. 358 00:20:03,836 --> 00:20:04,769 [phone ringing] 359 00:20:04,771 --> 00:20:06,938 No, no don't-- 360 00:20:06,940 --> 00:20:10,541 Hello, oh hi! No, I hadn't heard about that. 361 00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:11,509 Tell me, tell me! 362 00:20:13,279 --> 00:20:14,845 [exhales] Blue balls. 363 00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:17,748 Don't look at me! 364 00:20:19,252 --> 00:20:20,651 [pidgeon cooing] 365 00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:27,291 [message tone] 366 00:20:27,293 --> 00:20:31,262 [chilled electro music] 367 00:20:52,785 --> 00:20:54,986 [tapping on phone sound] 368 00:20:54,988 --> 00:20:56,320 [phone vibrates] 369 00:21:18,411 --> 00:21:21,379 [guitar power chord joins in the music] 370 00:21:23,283 --> 00:21:24,815 - [message ping] - [Johnny] Sugar tits, 371 00:21:24,817 --> 00:21:27,585 not too much longer then the money is ours. 372 00:21:27,587 --> 00:21:29,820 Just think of me if you have to shag him 373 00:21:29,822 --> 00:21:32,890 [Connie] This is driving me crazy pretending to be in love. 374 00:21:32,892 --> 00:21:34,659 How stupid does he think I am? 375 00:21:34,661 --> 00:21:36,761 Assuming I don't know anything about his deal? 376 00:21:36,763 --> 00:21:38,763 - [Message ping Johnny] -Just want Mark to sign the papers. 377 00:21:38,765 --> 00:21:40,898 It's a done deal, I reckon. 378 00:21:40,900 --> 00:21:44,335 Once you marry, you'll be able to get at least half, if not more. 379 00:21:44,337 --> 00:21:47,938 Especially if you can prove that he's been a lousy husband, and shag. 380 00:21:47,940 --> 00:21:51,375 Laughing, smiley face, aubergine, water spray. 381 00:21:51,377 --> 00:21:53,077 [dramatic classical music] 382 00:22:43,529 --> 00:22:44,795 That's gross. 383 00:22:44,797 --> 00:22:47,098 [dramatic classical music] 384 00:24:18,991 --> 00:24:20,758 - Hey. - Hey. 385 00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:22,159 Put your glad rags on, we're going out for dinner. 386 00:24:22,161 --> 00:24:23,761 Ugh, you're always doing this. 387 00:24:23,763 --> 00:24:26,030 I'm tired, in my pajamas, I'm not going out. 388 00:24:26,032 --> 00:24:29,066 Okay, I just got some good news I wanted us to celebrate. 389 00:24:29,068 --> 00:24:32,603 What, someone's upgraded you to the idiot in the village? 390 00:24:32,605 --> 00:24:35,005 - What? - Nothing, sweetheart. What's your news? 391 00:24:35,007 --> 00:24:38,642 Well, looks like I've come into some money. 392 00:24:38,644 --> 00:24:39,677 What? 393 00:24:41,147 --> 00:24:43,080 Amazing, how much? 394 00:24:43,082 --> 00:24:44,215 20. 395 00:24:44,217 --> 00:24:47,985 20 million, fuck! [chuckles] 396 00:24:47,987 --> 00:24:48,986 No! [chuckles] 397 00:24:51,057 --> 00:24:52,156 20 grand! 398 00:24:53,559 --> 00:24:55,693 My uncle died. It's brilliant. 399 00:24:55,695 --> 00:24:57,495 Oh, congrats. 400 00:24:57,497 --> 00:24:59,997 Yeah. 20 million! [sarcastic chuckle] 401 00:24:59,999 --> 00:25:01,632 No, no, ha! 402 00:25:01,634 --> 00:25:03,167 [sarcastic chuckle] What a random number. 403 00:25:03,169 --> 00:25:06,070 I don't know. I don-- uh? 404 00:25:06,072 --> 00:25:08,272 That's so strange that you would just pick 405 00:25:08,274 --> 00:25:10,975 20 million out of anywhere. 406 00:25:10,977 --> 00:25:13,077 What? I don't know, I was going to-- 407 00:25:13,079 --> 00:25:15,746 And then you said and um, I got carried away and-- 408 00:25:15,748 --> 00:25:17,548 - But that's still so weird. - So weird. 409 00:25:17,550 --> 00:25:19,750 It just goes straight from err to that. 410 00:25:19,752 --> 00:25:21,218 - [Mark sarcastically chuckles] - Honey-- 411 00:25:21,220 --> 00:25:23,621 Listen, what I've decided is, 412 00:25:23,623 --> 00:25:25,723 I'm going to spend it all on the wedding. 413 00:25:25,725 --> 00:25:26,957 Because you, my love, 414 00:25:27,860 --> 00:25:29,193 you deserve the best. 415 00:25:33,566 --> 00:25:35,683 So sweet. 416 00:25:35,684 --> 00:25:37,801 - 20 million! [chuckles] Idiot. - [chuckles] 417 00:25:47,146 --> 00:25:50,014 Did you reserve the table? 418 00:25:50,016 --> 00:25:51,582 No, but I think we'll be all right. 419 00:25:54,687 --> 00:25:57,721 Is there a good reason we didn't get a cab? 420 00:25:59,559 --> 00:26:01,959 Well, yeah, I thought you'd appreciate the exercise. 421 00:26:04,163 --> 00:26:05,863 Those jeans were a bit tight. 422 00:26:08,968 --> 00:26:10,634 Yeah, I hope you'll like it. 423 00:26:10,636 --> 00:26:12,269 Uh, it's one of my favorite places in town. 424 00:26:12,271 --> 00:26:14,204 I'm sure, but-- 425 00:26:14,206 --> 00:26:15,739 You all right? 426 00:26:15,741 --> 00:26:17,074 Can I get two large donnas, 427 00:26:17,076 --> 00:26:18,876 extra chili, extra garlic, please? 428 00:26:19,712 --> 00:26:22,613 And uh, do you want-- d'you want a coke? 429 00:26:22,615 --> 00:26:24,315 Hey, two cokes. 430 00:26:24,317 --> 00:26:25,916 You're kidding? 431 00:26:25,918 --> 00:26:26,884 There you go. 432 00:26:27,820 --> 00:26:29,753 That'll be £9.50. 433 00:26:29,755 --> 00:26:30,955 Okay, hold on. 434 00:26:31,824 --> 00:26:33,958 Bollocks, I've left my wallet at home. 435 00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:35,359 Can you lend me a tenner? 436 00:26:35,361 --> 00:26:36,760 Seriously? 437 00:26:38,097 --> 00:26:39,997 Don't embarrass me in front of kebab man. 438 00:26:42,835 --> 00:26:44,101 She's got it, it's all right. 439 00:26:47,206 --> 00:26:50,874 Oh, 20! Keep the change. 440 00:26:53,179 --> 00:26:54,845 Ah, you're right, I should have booked. 441 00:26:54,847 --> 00:26:56,180 Look, it's full up. 442 00:26:59,318 --> 00:27:01,385 This is a really good kebab shop. 443 00:27:01,387 --> 00:27:02,987 Do you seriously expect me to sit here, 444 00:27:02,989 --> 00:27:05,356 and eat this on the street like a cockroach? 445 00:27:05,358 --> 00:27:07,224 A cockroach? That's a bit much, isn't it? 446 00:27:07,226 --> 00:27:09,126 Look at this. Thank you. 447 00:27:09,128 --> 00:27:13,197 I have been looking forward to this all day. 448 00:27:13,199 --> 00:27:14,798 Extra garlicky. 449 00:27:18,671 --> 00:27:19,870 Oh! 450 00:27:21,741 --> 00:27:22,906 Uh, it's all right. 451 00:27:25,144 --> 00:27:26,310 What's wrong, you don't like kebabs? 452 00:27:26,312 --> 00:27:28,412 Wearing them, no! 453 00:27:28,414 --> 00:27:32,883 Eating them-- Yes! 454 00:27:32,885 --> 00:27:35,252 We should do this again sometime. This is fun. 455 00:27:35,254 --> 00:27:38,689 - I would like to go home. - Yeah, okay. 456 00:27:38,691 --> 00:27:40,858 Oh, but I haven't thanked you for this, come here. 457 00:27:44,830 --> 00:27:45,829 Such a lucky man. 458 00:27:45,831 --> 00:27:47,965 I know. [chuckles] 459 00:27:52,071 --> 00:27:54,204 [Mark] Come on, it's gonna get cold. 460 00:28:03,949 --> 00:28:05,449 Morning. 461 00:28:05,451 --> 00:28:06,717 Morning. 462 00:28:10,423 --> 00:28:11,922 [Mark] Ahh. 463 00:28:14,894 --> 00:28:17,995 [radio playing music] 464 00:28:24,837 --> 00:28:26,904 Morning, eat that. [laughs] 465 00:28:30,076 --> 00:28:31,842 We meant to be doing something today? 466 00:28:31,844 --> 00:28:33,844 Uh, yeah, getting my wedding dress. 467 00:28:33,846 --> 00:28:34,912 Uhuh! 468 00:28:34,914 --> 00:28:36,280 Aw, I don't want to do that, 469 00:28:36,282 --> 00:28:37,815 that doesn't sound like any fun to me. 470 00:28:37,817 --> 00:28:39,416 Baby, it's not about you having fun, 471 00:28:39,418 --> 00:28:42,953 it's about you being there to support me. 472 00:28:42,955 --> 00:28:44,788 - Uhuh. - And pay for the dress. 473 00:28:45,891 --> 00:28:50,127 Of course, sweetheart, I have you covered. 474 00:28:51,797 --> 00:28:54,064 What's that? Half a shoe? 475 00:28:56,402 --> 00:28:58,068 [whispers] Are trying to be funny again? 476 00:28:58,070 --> 00:28:59,036 Nope. 477 00:29:00,372 --> 00:29:02,473 Baby, please don't make me regret saying yes. 478 00:29:02,475 --> 00:29:04,374 I don't do cheap. 479 00:29:04,376 --> 00:29:06,777 Well, if you're having second thoughts about the wedding? 480 00:29:06,779 --> 00:29:08,212 Of course, not. [laughs] 481 00:29:08,214 --> 00:29:11,949 It's our special day and as your princess 482 00:29:11,951 --> 00:29:14,918 I'm going to make sure I look like one. 483 00:29:14,920 --> 00:29:17,755 So, that means the cheapest dress 484 00:29:17,757 --> 00:29:19,022 probably isn't the nicest. 485 00:29:19,024 --> 00:29:21,825 Yes, but superstition. 486 00:29:21,827 --> 00:29:22,893 Super special. 487 00:29:22,895 --> 00:29:25,496 Super special, okay. 488 00:29:25,498 --> 00:29:26,530 Is that my coffee? 489 00:29:26,532 --> 00:29:28,098 Oh, d'you want one? 490 00:29:33,172 --> 00:29:34,838 It's empty. 491 00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:38,442 Last one, sorry. It was nice though. 492 00:29:42,014 --> 00:29:44,114 [Mark] Why don't you want Kendra at the wedding? 493 00:29:44,116 --> 00:29:45,949 [Connie] We don't talk anymore. 494 00:29:45,951 --> 00:29:47,017 You fall out? 495 00:29:47,853 --> 00:29:49,486 Can we stop talking about Kendra. 496 00:29:54,927 --> 00:29:55,959 What do you think? 497 00:29:55,961 --> 00:30:03,400 - Yeah. I like it. [laughs] - [laughs] Yeah. 498 00:30:03,402 --> 00:30:05,335 Just... [laughs] 499 00:30:05,337 --> 00:30:10,407 It reminds me of that, but like in a good way, obviously. 500 00:30:11,277 --> 00:30:12,843 I'll try another one on. 501 00:30:12,845 --> 00:30:15,012 You sure? I like it. 502 00:30:15,014 --> 00:30:15,979 Yeah. 503 00:30:17,016 --> 00:30:18,982 [phone ringing]. 504 00:30:18,984 --> 00:30:21,285 Tim, oh thank god, I'm so fucking bored. 505 00:30:22,221 --> 00:30:24,221 No, I'm not doing anything important. 506 00:30:24,223 --> 00:30:26,456 [pop music playing] 507 00:30:41,941 --> 00:30:45,375 - Slutty. - No! 508 00:30:45,377 --> 00:30:48,378 [pop song playing] 509 00:30:49,515 --> 00:30:51,949 [laughs] 510 00:31:04,163 --> 00:31:06,997 Do you approve of this one? 511 00:31:06,999 --> 00:31:08,899 I mean, yeah, they're all fine. 512 00:31:08,901 --> 00:31:11,034 You've had a shitty comment for every dress I've tried on. 513 00:31:11,036 --> 00:31:13,337 I like this one, so I'm just waiting 514 00:31:13,339 --> 00:31:15,572 for the possible fault you're going to find with it. 515 00:31:16,508 --> 00:31:19,176 Look, if I have to find a fault, 516 00:31:19,178 --> 00:31:22,279 I mean, if you're going to put a gun against my head, 517 00:31:22,281 --> 00:31:23,513 makes you look like a man. 518 00:31:23,515 --> 00:31:25,115 A man? 519 00:31:25,117 --> 00:31:28,352 No, sorry. Not a man, like a drag queen, 520 00:31:28,354 --> 00:31:31,255 but like a really bang-able one. 521 00:31:31,257 --> 00:31:33,924 Well, feel free to find a dress 522 00:31:33,926 --> 00:31:36,026 that doesn't make me look like RuPaul 523 00:31:36,028 --> 00:31:39,396 or a pregnant whale, or a French prostitute. 524 00:31:39,398 --> 00:31:41,899 Because I would like to find a dress 525 00:31:41,901 --> 00:31:43,367 that doesn't make you laugh 526 00:31:43,369 --> 00:31:45,469 or make me feel like a circus act. 527 00:31:46,472 --> 00:31:48,071 I mean, there must be one, so-- 528 00:31:48,073 --> 00:31:49,072 Which one? 529 00:31:50,509 --> 00:31:51,475 That one. 530 00:31:54,146 --> 00:31:55,612 [Mark] That one, that one, that one. 531 00:31:56,482 --> 00:31:58,115 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 532 00:31:58,117 --> 00:31:59,616 Next, next, next, next-- 533 00:31:59,618 --> 00:32:01,652 Ah, ah, ah, don't skip it. 534 00:32:01,654 --> 00:32:03,954 Ah, ah, one back. 535 00:32:05,090 --> 00:32:06,356 That's the bunny. 536 00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:09,993 Thi-- This one? 537 00:32:09,995 --> 00:32:11,528 Yes. 538 00:32:11,530 --> 00:32:15,365 Sir, this one's actually a child's bridesmaids dress. 539 00:32:15,367 --> 00:32:17,000 It's a joke, it's a bridesmaid's dress. 540 00:32:17,002 --> 00:32:18,201 Well, they'll let it out. 541 00:32:18,203 --> 00:32:20,270 It's green. 542 00:32:20,272 --> 00:32:22,239 Who wants to be like all the other brides? 543 00:32:22,241 --> 00:32:23,640 You'll stand out. 544 00:32:23,642 --> 00:32:26,376 You'll be-- you'll be my pea green princess. 545 00:32:26,378 --> 00:32:28,245 Well, you gonna be my pea green groom? 546 00:32:28,247 --> 00:32:29,479 - No. [chuckles] - No! 547 00:32:29,481 --> 00:32:31,014 I'm not stupid. [laughs] 548 00:32:32,418 --> 00:32:33,583 Go ahead, try it on. 549 00:32:44,363 --> 00:32:47,264 Oh yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, that. 550 00:32:47,266 --> 00:32:52,302 No, it doesn't even fit me. It's a children's dress, for children. 551 00:32:52,304 --> 00:32:54,004 Here standeth before me 552 00:32:54,006 --> 00:32:57,107 an angel in green. An angel. 553 00:32:57,743 --> 00:32:59,076 [sighs] 554 00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:10,520 Oh my god, it's beautiful. 555 00:33:10,522 --> 00:33:12,656 It's so green, I love it. 556 00:33:12,658 --> 00:33:14,157 That's the dress. That's it. 557 00:33:14,159 --> 00:33:16,026 I want to marry you in that dress. 558 00:33:16,028 --> 00:33:18,428 Ladies, thank you very much. We'll wrap it up, we'll take it. 559 00:33:24,169 --> 00:33:25,602 There you go, gentlemen. 560 00:33:30,109 --> 00:33:32,242 This is so much harder than I thought it would be. 561 00:33:32,244 --> 00:33:33,377 What, being a dick? 562 00:33:33,379 --> 00:33:36,113 Hmm, it's harder than you think. 563 00:33:36,115 --> 00:33:38,015 Well, why don't you just call it quits? 564 00:33:38,017 --> 00:33:40,584 My rent's due in a week. I can move straight back in. 565 00:33:40,586 --> 00:33:43,053 Let's go home now and start throwin' her stuff out. 566 00:33:43,055 --> 00:33:44,621 I am not throwing in the towel, Timmy. 567 00:33:44,623 --> 00:33:47,124 I have to believe even if it's microscopic in size, 568 00:33:47,126 --> 00:33:48,358 that she has some dignity left. 569 00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:50,060 She's got to be about to crack. 570 00:33:51,063 --> 00:33:53,630 Isn't that, that twat from the funeral? 571 00:33:53,632 --> 00:33:55,799 Yeah, let's talk about this later. 572 00:33:55,801 --> 00:33:56,800 Hello, gorgeous. 573 00:33:56,802 --> 00:33:59,036 Johnny, Tim. Tim, Johnny. 574 00:33:59,038 --> 00:34:02,139 Yeah, we met at the funeral, remember? Uh, chinless. 575 00:34:02,141 --> 00:34:03,173 Lovely to see you again, Timothy. 576 00:34:03,175 --> 00:34:04,708 Whatever. 577 00:34:04,710 --> 00:34:06,476 [phone ringing] 578 00:34:06,478 --> 00:34:09,146 Uh, sugar tits, can I get a pint for my guys over here. 579 00:34:10,182 --> 00:34:11,581 He's fucking JS. 580 00:34:11,583 --> 00:34:13,784 He's the bloke who's been talking to Connie. 581 00:34:13,786 --> 00:34:15,752 Well, you're gonna definitely have to raise your game 582 00:34:15,754 --> 00:34:18,155 if you want to be as obnoxious as this prick. 583 00:34:18,157 --> 00:34:20,123 Listen, do you know who you're talking to? 584 00:34:20,125 --> 00:34:21,658 Do you know who you're talking to? Johnathan Sothcott. 585 00:34:21,660 --> 00:34:23,560 Do you know who I'm fucking talking to? 586 00:34:23,562 --> 00:34:24,795 It's the dickless fuckface, that fucking isn't having you. 587 00:34:24,797 --> 00:34:26,630 Now go fuck yourself. 588 00:34:26,632 --> 00:34:28,765 Ugh, fucking charities. 589 00:34:29,701 --> 00:34:32,069 Mate, if I wanted head, I'd have asked for a fucking blowjob. 590 00:34:33,572 --> 00:34:36,773 You, pint, sort it out. 591 00:34:36,775 --> 00:34:39,076 - Sorry, I do apologize, sir. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 592 00:34:41,113 --> 00:34:43,547 [Johnny laughs] 593 00:34:44,817 --> 00:34:46,283 - Wonderful. - [bartender] Aye. 594 00:34:47,786 --> 00:34:50,454 Just stop. 595 00:34:55,260 --> 00:34:58,195 Thanks. Hey. 596 00:34:58,197 --> 00:35:00,230 Kendra, hi, hi. 597 00:35:00,232 --> 00:35:01,498 - Oh god. - Uh-- 598 00:35:04,870 --> 00:35:06,870 Avoided an awkward situation there, didn't we? 599 00:35:06,872 --> 00:35:08,138 Did we? 600 00:35:08,140 --> 00:35:09,573 Maybe that can be our thing. 601 00:35:09,575 --> 00:35:11,441 Listen, whatever Connie wants you to say to me 602 00:35:11,443 --> 00:35:12,742 - I don't know why she didn't just-- - No, she didn't. 603 00:35:12,744 --> 00:35:13,677 Connie didn't send me to say anything. 604 00:35:13,679 --> 00:35:15,378 No, this is for me. 605 00:35:15,380 --> 00:35:17,714 Okay, what do you want? 606 00:35:17,716 --> 00:35:19,850 - Grab a coffee? - Yes, sorry, Mark. Thanks. 607 00:35:23,188 --> 00:35:25,789 And so yeah, for whatever reason, 608 00:35:25,791 --> 00:35:28,492 she and Johnny think I'm about to become rich, 609 00:35:28,494 --> 00:35:30,760 and so they're just-- Thank you. 610 00:35:30,762 --> 00:35:32,762 - That's fine. - They're just using me. 611 00:35:32,764 --> 00:35:33,897 Classic Connie. 612 00:35:33,899 --> 00:35:36,600 Yeah, that's my sad sorry tale. 613 00:35:38,137 --> 00:35:39,269 Why did you two fall out? 614 00:35:39,271 --> 00:35:41,238 Once upon a time, I was engaged 615 00:35:41,240 --> 00:35:43,807 and she slept with my fiancé. 616 00:35:43,809 --> 00:35:45,375 Oh. 617 00:35:45,377 --> 00:35:47,310 No happy ending then. 618 00:35:47,312 --> 00:35:49,146 I caught them at Tommy's funeral. 619 00:35:49,148 --> 00:35:52,349 He was consoling her in a back room, my back room. 620 00:35:52,351 --> 00:35:55,318 I mean anal. My maid of honor! 621 00:35:55,320 --> 00:35:56,553 How her clichéd is that? 622 00:35:56,555 --> 00:35:57,921 Anal. 623 00:35:57,923 --> 00:35:59,356 Maybe I should take a leaf out of your book 624 00:35:59,358 --> 00:36:01,158 and get revenge on him. 625 00:36:01,160 --> 00:36:03,727 Well, I have a list of things I was planning to do. 626 00:36:03,729 --> 00:36:05,195 - Uhuh. - Happy to share. 627 00:36:05,197 --> 00:36:07,497 - Great. - Fucking anal. 628 00:36:07,499 --> 00:36:09,666 Uh, you could create a fake email 629 00:36:09,668 --> 00:36:11,535 and send his boss dick pics. 630 00:36:11,537 --> 00:36:13,670 You drop eye drops in his drink, you could fake a pregnancy. 631 00:36:13,672 --> 00:36:15,205 Oh my god, do you know what I could do? 632 00:36:15,207 --> 00:36:16,640 What? 633 00:36:16,642 --> 00:36:18,341 A letter arrived from the Modern School of Art 634 00:36:18,343 --> 00:36:19,409 inviting him to apply. 635 00:36:19,411 --> 00:36:20,477 It's his dream opportunity, 636 00:36:20,479 --> 00:36:22,779 it's all he's ever talked about. 637 00:36:22,781 --> 00:36:24,514 He doesn't know the letter's arrived. 638 00:36:24,516 --> 00:36:26,316 Rip it up. 639 00:36:26,318 --> 00:36:27,918 It's a bit of a shit thing to do, though, isn't it? 640 00:36:27,920 --> 00:36:31,521 Aw, cheating on you with your best friend isn't? 641 00:36:31,523 --> 00:36:33,290 - Fuck him. - Fuck him. 642 00:36:33,292 --> 00:36:35,292 How far are you going to take this? 643 00:36:35,294 --> 00:36:37,794 [sighs] Take it as far as it needs to go. 644 00:36:38,897 --> 00:36:41,498 It's weird though, she strangely thick skinned. 645 00:36:41,500 --> 00:36:43,466 She seems to be taking it all in a stride. 646 00:36:43,468 --> 00:36:45,302 - Bitchy. - You know what it is? 647 00:36:45,304 --> 00:36:46,736 I think I'm too charming. 648 00:36:46,738 --> 00:36:48,438 I just seem to fail to repel her. 649 00:36:49,942 --> 00:36:52,842 No? No, okay, it's not that. 650 00:36:52,844 --> 00:36:54,844 She hates someone being center of attention. 651 00:36:56,515 --> 00:36:57,647 Will you help me with something? 652 00:36:57,649 --> 00:36:59,649 What little something? 653 00:36:59,651 --> 00:37:00,817 Are you free tonight? 654 00:37:02,321 --> 00:37:04,955 What makes you think I need to go on a blind date? 655 00:37:04,957 --> 00:37:06,523 Because you sit around your flat wearing nothing 656 00:37:06,525 --> 00:37:08,225 but your pants watching porn all day. 657 00:37:08,227 --> 00:37:12,362 Uh, not true, actually. I'm on my PlayStation. 658 00:37:12,364 --> 00:37:13,330 Sorry, I didn't realize you were 659 00:37:13,332 --> 00:37:15,265 such a social butterfly. 660 00:37:15,267 --> 00:37:16,933 Are you wearing any trousers? 661 00:37:17,803 --> 00:37:19,636 Yes, I'll give you that one. 662 00:37:19,638 --> 00:37:23,907 Ducky, want to go on a date? [speaking Ducky] Yeah. 663 00:37:26,011 --> 00:37:27,978 I think it's great that he finally has a date. 664 00:37:27,980 --> 00:37:30,280 Yes, are you sure they're going to let Tim in? 665 00:37:30,282 --> 00:37:32,949 Uh, come on, Connie, can you just not be mean. 666 00:37:32,951 --> 00:37:34,718 We're meant to make him look good in front of his girlfriend. 667 00:37:34,720 --> 00:37:37,754 Yeah, I'm assuming she's blind or needs a visa. 668 00:37:37,756 --> 00:37:41,758 And here they are! Hi. Hey, come in. 669 00:37:41,760 --> 00:37:43,960 [both sides gasp] 670 00:37:43,962 --> 00:37:45,562 Oh my god. 671 00:37:46,531 --> 00:37:48,765 Mark, Connie, meet Kendra. 672 00:37:48,767 --> 00:37:49,699 Wow! 673 00:37:50,535 --> 00:37:52,402 Connie, look, it's Kendra. 674 00:37:52,404 --> 00:37:53,770 Yes, I can see. 675 00:37:53,772 --> 00:37:56,740 Mark, Kendra, do you know each other? 676 00:37:56,742 --> 00:38:00,543 Yes, we do, Tim. We all went to school together. 677 00:38:00,545 --> 00:38:01,878 What a small world. 678 00:38:01,880 --> 00:38:04,447 - Connie. - Kendra, how are you? 679 00:38:04,449 --> 00:38:05,849 Yeah, good, thanks, Con. 680 00:38:05,851 --> 00:38:07,550 Hey, congratulations on your engagement. 681 00:38:07,552 --> 00:38:11,521 He's quite the steal. Oh, calamari. 682 00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:16,993 So, how did you two meet? 683 00:38:18,897 --> 00:38:19,863 In-- 684 00:38:21,633 --> 00:38:24,501 - I don't mean to pry. [chuckles] - Yes. [sarcastic laugh] 685 00:38:26,805 --> 00:38:29,039 I have to say, Kendra that dress looks marvelous on you. 686 00:38:29,041 --> 00:38:30,774 Well, thanks, that's so sweet. 687 00:38:30,776 --> 00:38:33,710 No, not at all. Tim, you are a lucky man. 688 00:38:34,646 --> 00:38:37,914 What? Since when did you become a fashion expert? 689 00:38:41,053 --> 00:38:43,486 You've never complimented me on anything I've ever worn. 690 00:38:43,488 --> 00:38:46,456 Or maybe if you went shopping with Kendra, I would. 691 00:38:46,458 --> 00:38:47,991 [Kendra] I'd love to take you shopping. 692 00:38:47,993 --> 00:38:50,060 I'm sure we could sort that out. 693 00:38:52,931 --> 00:38:54,998 Oh my god, speaking of embarrassing things, 694 00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:56,766 do you remember history lessons, 695 00:38:56,768 --> 00:38:59,035 or awkward bonus sessions as you used to call them? 696 00:38:59,037 --> 00:39:01,004 God, yes, how could I forget? 697 00:39:01,006 --> 00:39:04,674 It was like clockwork. Never knew I liked history so much. 698 00:39:04,676 --> 00:39:06,009 He had to sit at the back of the class. 699 00:39:06,011 --> 00:39:07,344 Yes, I was always afraid. 700 00:39:07,346 --> 00:39:08,478 They make me go to the front 701 00:39:08,480 --> 00:39:09,412 and then I'd tip the table over 702 00:39:09,414 --> 00:39:10,980 on my way up! [laughter] 703 00:39:10,982 --> 00:39:12,349 You're telling me, we had to put a block 704 00:39:12,351 --> 00:39:13,350 on the History Channel. 705 00:39:13,352 --> 00:39:14,984 [laughter] 706 00:39:14,986 --> 00:39:16,686 Tim, you're hilarious. 707 00:39:18,523 --> 00:39:20,623 Kendra, and do you remember the time when Mr. Thomas 708 00:39:20,625 --> 00:39:25,028 passed out outside the dining hall? [laughs] 709 00:39:29,935 --> 00:39:31,901 He had a very serious condition, Connie. 710 00:39:33,105 --> 00:39:34,704 A bit awkward. 711 00:39:34,706 --> 00:39:36,806 - What was it he had? - Narcolepsy. 712 00:39:41,580 --> 00:39:44,748 Um, didn't he end up getting buried alive. 713 00:39:44,750 --> 00:39:46,416 [laughter] 714 00:39:46,418 --> 00:39:48,051 [Mark] That was a good one! 715 00:39:49,020 --> 00:39:50,687 It wasn't funny. 716 00:39:50,689 --> 00:39:55,658 Friends, ahh, narcolepsy. 717 00:39:55,660 --> 00:39:57,694 None of you is funny. 718 00:39:57,696 --> 00:40:03,099 I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love, and she loves me back. 719 00:40:03,101 --> 00:40:04,768 Tim, you get paid to say that. 720 00:40:04,770 --> 00:40:06,669 She probably said you were the best she ever had 721 00:40:06,671 --> 00:40:08,571 and that Tiny Tim was huge. 722 00:40:08,573 --> 00:40:10,774 Ha, ha, you can joke all you want, Mark 723 00:40:10,776 --> 00:40:14,644 it doesn't matter, because I'm in love. 724 00:40:14,646 --> 00:40:16,479 I'm in love with Kendra. 725 00:40:17,616 --> 00:40:18,748 With Kendra? 726 00:40:18,750 --> 00:40:20,850 Yes, a million times, yes! 727 00:40:22,154 --> 00:40:24,521 Mate, why don't you sit down 728 00:40:24,523 --> 00:40:27,991 because I think maybe you've missed the entire point of last night. 729 00:40:29,027 --> 00:40:30,026 All right. 730 00:40:31,663 --> 00:40:34,197 [mandolin music] 731 00:40:34,199 --> 00:40:37,133 Ooo, I better get this. 732 00:40:38,003 --> 00:40:39,636 - Here you go, sugar tits. - Thank you. 733 00:40:42,107 --> 00:40:44,140 Ahh, right. 734 00:40:44,976 --> 00:40:46,776 Could you please put some clothes on? 735 00:40:46,778 --> 00:40:48,745 Could you please take some off? 736 00:40:48,747 --> 00:40:51,047 Oh god, it was so awkward. 737 00:40:51,049 --> 00:40:53,650 What the fuck was she doing there? 738 00:40:53,652 --> 00:40:55,151 And to add salt to the wound, 739 00:40:55,153 --> 00:40:58,721 I had to sit there fake smiling as usual. Ugh. 740 00:40:58,723 --> 00:41:02,225 I've got lockjaw on a daily basis now, ugh. 741 00:41:02,227 --> 00:41:03,893 What, from giving him loads of blowjobs? 742 00:41:05,230 --> 00:41:07,063 No. Oh god, 743 00:41:07,065 --> 00:41:10,066 if I fake any more, I'm going to get a brain hemorrhage. 744 00:41:10,068 --> 00:41:12,802 [yawning and mumbling] 745 00:41:12,804 --> 00:41:15,772 I'm sorry, am I-- Am I boring you? 746 00:41:17,075 --> 00:41:18,975 Ugh, ah. 747 00:41:21,046 --> 00:41:24,747 I'm good, sugar tits. 748 00:41:24,749 --> 00:41:26,883 What you're doing is great, right? 749 00:41:26,885 --> 00:41:31,488 I'm really proud of how far you've come. Just [inhales] breathe. 750 00:41:31,490 --> 00:41:33,056 - Uhuh. - It's all in the fucking mind now, 751 00:41:33,058 --> 00:41:34,691 yeah? You've got to stay focused. 752 00:41:34,693 --> 00:41:35,825 Uhuh. 753 00:41:35,827 --> 00:41:37,093 - Yes? - Yes. 754 00:41:37,095 --> 00:41:39,863 Think of what we can do with it, yes? 755 00:41:39,865 --> 00:41:40,864 Yes, I can buy therapy. 756 00:41:44,603 --> 00:41:45,735 Great chat. 757 00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:49,639 Ugh. 758 00:41:52,143 --> 00:41:54,644 - You used me. - I thought you knew what we were doing. 759 00:41:54,646 --> 00:41:56,546 - How could you do that to me? - Because, Tim, 760 00:41:56,548 --> 00:41:58,248 - I thought you knew what we were doing. - Why? 761 00:41:58,250 --> 00:42:00,917 Because I don't have feelings? Because I don't have needs? 762 00:42:00,919 --> 00:42:04,153 - Oh, for god's sake. - Oh, good old Tim, we'll use him. 763 00:42:04,155 --> 00:42:08,124 All he does is sit around and watch porn all day. 764 00:42:08,126 --> 00:42:10,093 An' uh, he won't mind. 765 00:42:10,095 --> 00:42:13,763 He's probably spanking one out right now as we speak. 766 00:42:13,765 --> 00:42:16,733 - Were you? - Yes. 767 00:42:16,735 --> 00:42:19,002 - Well. - That's beside the point. 768 00:42:19,004 --> 00:42:22,839 You assumed that I was too insensitive to care. 769 00:42:22,841 --> 00:42:25,108 Prick me, Mark. Do I not bleed? 770 00:42:25,110 --> 00:42:28,711 Tim, I remember telling you the actual words 771 00:42:28,713 --> 00:42:30,613 that it was a fake date. 772 00:42:30,615 --> 00:42:35,585 Congratulations, Mark because I do care. I do bleed. 773 00:42:43,228 --> 00:42:44,561 Tim. 774 00:42:45,697 --> 00:42:46,663 [door slams] 775 00:42:47,699 --> 00:42:49,065 [door opens] 776 00:42:49,067 --> 00:42:51,734 - Tim? - Yes. 777 00:42:51,736 --> 00:42:53,202 Do you want to go on a quick holiday? 778 00:42:53,204 --> 00:42:54,971 Yes, all right. 779 00:42:54,973 --> 00:42:59,042 [classical music] 780 00:43:18,196 --> 00:43:21,097 [Connie screaming] 781 00:43:21,099 --> 00:43:24,701 - Oh, hell. - Honestly, you barely notice it. 782 00:43:24,703 --> 00:43:27,103 Are you blind or are you just a fucking moron? 783 00:43:27,105 --> 00:43:29,072 I like it. I think it suits you. 784 00:43:30,141 --> 00:43:31,341 You're a moron. 785 00:43:31,343 --> 00:43:35,345 I'm not the one who put hair removal cream in my shampoo, am I? 786 00:43:35,347 --> 00:43:37,113 What the hell was hair removal cream 787 00:43:37,115 --> 00:43:38,815 doing in there in the first place? 788 00:43:38,817 --> 00:43:40,683 I'm sorry, but do you want me to have a hairy back? 789 00:43:41,786 --> 00:43:42,952 [crying] 790 00:43:44,089 --> 00:43:45,388 Look, the uh, car's 791 00:43:45,390 --> 00:43:46,990 going to be here in less than an hour, 792 00:43:46,992 --> 00:43:48,224 do you think maybe you'll have sobbed out 793 00:43:48,226 --> 00:43:49,792 all your boohooing by then? 794 00:43:49,794 --> 00:43:51,127 [Connie crying] 795 00:43:51,129 --> 00:43:53,963 No? Okay. Then maybe you have a big hat? 796 00:43:53,965 --> 00:43:55,398 No, I do not have a big hat 797 00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:56,966 and if you think I'm going to go out in public 798 00:43:56,968 --> 00:43:58,201 looking like this-- 799 00:43:59,104 --> 00:44:01,638 Okay, well, then I'll uh, 800 00:44:01,640 --> 00:44:03,373 I'll cancel the car and the holiday then. 801 00:44:03,375 --> 00:44:04,340 Thank you. 802 00:44:04,342 --> 00:44:07,677 I'll, uh, call the church and postpone the wedding too. 803 00:44:09,914 --> 00:44:11,180 What? 804 00:44:11,182 --> 00:44:12,849 Well, if you can't go out in public 805 00:44:12,851 --> 00:44:13,850 I assume you have to wait till your hair grows back 806 00:44:13,852 --> 00:44:14,851 to get married. 807 00:44:14,853 --> 00:44:16,953 So-- think of the photos. 808 00:44:16,955 --> 00:44:20,223 No, it's fine. 809 00:44:20,225 --> 00:44:22,325 Is it? Are you sure, slappy? 810 00:44:22,327 --> 00:44:28,898 [chuckles] It's not bad actually like, you said, quite good. 811 00:44:30,669 --> 00:44:33,202 Look at all the things that I can do, 812 00:44:34,339 --> 00:44:37,140 that I couldn't do when I had too much hair. 813 00:44:39,244 --> 00:44:44,847 - Great, so all good for the holiday then? - Yup. 814 00:44:46,418 --> 00:44:49,052 Cool. I think I have something that might help. 815 00:44:49,054 --> 00:44:52,155 Come on. In case you were wondering 816 00:44:52,157 --> 00:44:55,258 I wore it for a fancy dress contest. I was Cher. 817 00:44:55,260 --> 00:44:57,360 You know I wasn't wondering. 818 00:44:57,362 --> 00:44:59,696 I wore it a bit better than you, that's probably why I came second. 819 00:44:59,698 --> 00:45:01,798 Excellent, there they are. 820 00:45:01,800 --> 00:45:03,199 Surprise, road trip. 821 00:45:03,201 --> 00:45:05,935 Oh my fucking god, this is your surprise? 822 00:45:05,937 --> 00:45:08,171 - Who doesn't love a road trip? - Me. 823 00:45:08,173 --> 00:45:09,706 - Come on. - I don't. 824 00:45:09,708 --> 00:45:10,773 Let me help you with that bag. 825 00:45:10,775 --> 00:45:12,175 Yeah, yeah, of course. 826 00:45:12,177 --> 00:45:13,810 Thank you, pal. Hello, love. 827 00:45:13,812 --> 00:45:14,944 - Hi, babe. - Hi. 828 00:45:14,946 --> 00:45:16,979 Nice to see you. Your hair. 829 00:45:16,981 --> 00:45:18,181 - Yes, my hair. - Look at you. 830 00:45:18,183 --> 00:45:20,016 - Yup. - Ready? 831 00:45:20,018 --> 00:45:22,285 - [dog barks] - What the-- What is that? 832 00:45:22,287 --> 00:45:23,453 Oh, say hello to Ducky. 833 00:45:23,455 --> 00:45:25,321 I hate dogs. 834 00:45:25,323 --> 00:45:27,724 Trust me, it'll be fun. Come on, get the door. 835 00:45:30,361 --> 00:45:31,360 There you go. 836 00:45:31,362 --> 00:45:32,328 Thanks. 837 00:45:34,833 --> 00:45:38,101 Excuse me. Timmy, all right, pal. 838 00:45:39,404 --> 00:45:42,138 So, No, no, no, no, please. Hello, Ducky. 839 00:45:42,140 --> 00:45:45,007 - Hello, Ducky. - There you go. 840 00:45:45,009 --> 00:45:46,375 [car door closes] 841 00:45:46,377 --> 00:45:47,510 Come on, hurry up. 842 00:45:47,512 --> 00:45:48,911 Come on, let's go. 843 00:45:48,913 --> 00:45:54,350 [electro piano music] 844 00:45:54,352 --> 00:45:55,318 [car horn beeps] 845 00:45:55,320 --> 00:46:01,023 She is so slow. Waiting all day for you, come on. 846 00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:07,830 Tim. Tim, could you please tell your stupid dog to stop breathing all over me? 847 00:46:07,832 --> 00:46:09,866 - I'm going to be sick. - Ducky, stop breathing 848 00:46:09,868 --> 00:46:12,902 on your auntie Connie. There's a good dog. 849 00:46:12,904 --> 00:46:16,205 Tim, this is a lovely car. It's much nicer than I was expecting. 850 00:46:16,207 --> 00:46:18,775 - How did you afford this? - Ah, you know. 851 00:46:18,777 --> 00:46:21,511 No, I don't, that's why I'm asking. How did you afford it? 852 00:46:21,513 --> 00:46:23,980 Popped it on the old credit card, no need to thank me. 853 00:46:23,982 --> 00:46:26,349 [chuckles] Yeah. Stop going on about it. 854 00:46:27,919 --> 00:46:30,419 You don't have a credit card, Tim. 855 00:46:30,421 --> 00:46:31,854 Where is the lease agreement? 856 00:46:38,029 --> 00:46:39,962 You put it on my fucking credit card. 857 00:46:39,964 --> 00:46:41,831 Like I said, no need to thank me, all yours. 858 00:46:41,833 --> 00:46:44,033 - You've hired it for a fucking month? - Yeah. 859 00:46:44,035 --> 00:46:45,101 - Just-- Fuck me! - Shit. 860 00:46:45,103 --> 00:46:46,969 Fuck me. God, sorry. 861 00:46:46,971 --> 00:46:48,504 Motherfucker. 862 00:46:48,506 --> 00:46:51,440 - Are you all right? - That's going to stain. 863 00:46:51,442 --> 00:46:56,345 - You think? Fucking joke. - What is? 864 00:46:56,347 --> 00:46:59,549 Everything. Everything you have done is a joke. 865 00:46:59,551 --> 00:47:01,317 All right, keep your hair on. 866 00:47:01,319 --> 00:47:03,352 What is it? Do you just wake up every morning, 867 00:47:03,354 --> 00:47:06,022 and think of all the things you could do to annoy me? 868 00:47:06,024 --> 00:47:07,890 I'm struggling to fathom 869 00:47:07,892 --> 00:47:12,128 how someone can operate on such a moronic level. 870 00:47:12,130 --> 00:47:14,397 Really? I thought I completed you. 871 00:47:14,399 --> 00:47:16,833 Let's not mistake a fire for a fireman. 872 00:47:16,835 --> 00:47:18,067 Oh, interesting distinction 873 00:47:18,069 --> 00:47:19,035 let's see where she goes with this. 874 00:47:19,037 --> 00:47:21,337 Okay, uh, where to begin? 875 00:47:21,339 --> 00:47:24,574 You have the social grace of a syphilitic gorilla 876 00:47:25,510 --> 00:47:29,178 - and I can't go anywhere without you humiliating me. - That's not true. 877 00:47:29,180 --> 00:47:30,479 Okay, what about the concert we went to, 878 00:47:30,481 --> 00:47:32,048 where you sung along? 879 00:47:32,050 --> 00:47:33,182 It's a concert. 880 00:47:33,184 --> 00:47:34,283 We were at the opera. 881 00:47:34,285 --> 00:47:35,985 Well, excuse me, your majesty! 882 00:47:35,987 --> 00:47:37,386 Okay, and then the time 883 00:47:37,388 --> 00:47:39,288 I took you to my favorite restaurant 884 00:47:39,290 --> 00:47:41,257 and you complained the food was undercooked? 885 00:47:41,259 --> 00:47:43,025 I like my steak well done. 886 00:47:43,027 --> 00:47:44,393 It was steak tartare, 887 00:47:44,395 --> 00:47:46,462 it's supposed to be raw, you fucking moron. 888 00:47:46,464 --> 00:47:49,165 If I'm such an unbearable monster to be around 889 00:47:49,167 --> 00:47:51,100 why don't you just call the whole thing off? 890 00:47:52,337 --> 00:47:55,404 [music] 891 00:47:58,209 --> 00:48:02,044 I spy with my little eye something beginning with H. 892 00:48:02,046 --> 00:48:03,546 No, you don't. 893 00:48:03,548 --> 00:48:05,081 - Hedge. - No. 894 00:48:05,083 --> 00:48:07,416 - Haircut. - No. Hitchhiker. 895 00:48:07,418 --> 00:48:09,151 Ooo, yeah. 896 00:48:09,153 --> 00:48:11,621 - No, no, don't. No. - Yes, we're going to do it. 897 00:48:15,126 --> 00:48:17,059 - Cool car, guys. - Thank you. 898 00:48:17,061 --> 00:48:18,461 Cool dog, cool dog. 899 00:48:18,463 --> 00:48:22,498 Fucked him? No? That's a cute dog, man. 900 00:48:23,468 --> 00:48:26,035 You farted? No? 901 00:48:26,037 --> 00:48:27,403 Fuck off. 902 00:48:27,405 --> 00:48:30,539 Fair enough. Anybody fancy a threesome? 903 00:48:30,541 --> 00:48:32,241 There's five of us. 904 00:48:32,243 --> 00:48:36,479 Yes, well, two can watch, one can film! [screams] 905 00:48:41,586 --> 00:48:43,486 [guitar acoustic] 906 00:48:48,626 --> 00:48:50,359 I'm just gonna change my top. 907 00:49:21,626 --> 00:49:24,026 Were we supposed to be leaving Connie behind? 908 00:49:25,697 --> 00:49:26,729 Fuck. 909 00:49:29,500 --> 00:49:33,169 Fuck, I wouldn't even do this on purpose. 910 00:49:33,171 --> 00:49:35,404 Oh god, look, she looks so happy. 911 00:49:40,211 --> 00:49:42,011 [Mark] I'm so sorry. 912 00:49:48,419 --> 00:49:50,319 I'm really sorry, Connie, can you just-- 913 00:49:51,622 --> 00:49:53,022 Can you say something? 914 00:49:54,625 --> 00:49:58,327 Call me stupid or useless? 915 00:49:58,329 --> 00:50:02,131 Something? 916 00:50:23,254 --> 00:50:24,787 [crow cawing] 917 00:50:24,789 --> 00:50:27,089 [Connie] What do you mean we're sleeping in a tent? 918 00:50:28,326 --> 00:50:30,059 We're sleeping in a tent. 919 00:50:33,698 --> 00:50:35,598 [Kendra] Come on, it will be fun. 920 00:50:35,600 --> 00:50:38,100 [Connie] Oh god, why are you pretending to enjoy all this? 921 00:50:38,102 --> 00:50:39,468 [Kendra] Could ask you the same question. 922 00:50:39,470 --> 00:50:41,037 What do you mean by that? 923 00:50:42,240 --> 00:50:44,273 You clearly don't love Mark. 924 00:50:44,275 --> 00:50:47,243 - Huh, of course I do. - Really? 925 00:50:47,245 --> 00:50:48,811 Well, then name something you even like about him 926 00:50:48,813 --> 00:50:50,046 because you clearly don't struggle 927 00:50:50,048 --> 00:50:50,780 to list the things he does 928 00:50:50,782 --> 00:50:52,114 that piss you off. 929 00:50:53,317 --> 00:50:54,316 I knew this would happen. 930 00:50:55,486 --> 00:50:57,520 Yup, you still blame me. 931 00:50:57,522 --> 00:51:00,156 Of course not. You were such a good friend. 932 00:51:00,158 --> 00:51:02,324 It's not my fault you conning on to a boyfriend. 933 00:51:02,326 --> 00:51:04,527 Fiancé, and yes it is, if you're the one who fucks him. 934 00:51:07,365 --> 00:51:10,666 [Tim] Come on now, I've got your dish. 935 00:51:11,669 --> 00:51:19,075 - [Ducky growls] - I have it. Oh, beans? 936 00:51:19,077 --> 00:51:21,644 - Not really a big fan. - Right. 937 00:51:22,647 --> 00:51:24,380 In the damn supermarket, anyone? 938 00:51:24,382 --> 00:51:25,548 Knock yourself out. 939 00:51:25,550 --> 00:51:27,249 - I'll come. - Right. 940 00:51:30,288 --> 00:51:33,522 You know what? I saw a lovely pub nearby. 941 00:51:35,159 --> 00:51:40,262 Spork. It's not yours Ducky! 942 00:51:41,132 --> 00:51:43,265 - Are we taking this too far? - No. 943 00:51:45,269 --> 00:51:47,603 Was it honestly an accident leaving Connie behind? 944 00:51:47,605 --> 00:51:48,704 Yes. 945 00:51:48,706 --> 00:51:50,272 You sure it hasn't just become 946 00:51:50,274 --> 00:51:51,674 second nature to be mean to her? 947 00:51:52,777 --> 00:51:54,543 Most people would've moved on by now. 948 00:51:54,545 --> 00:51:57,279 Really? You moved on from your fiancé? 949 00:51:59,317 --> 00:52:00,382 No. 950 00:52:02,587 --> 00:52:03,719 Thanks. 951 00:52:05,156 --> 00:52:07,523 Rip up the letter. You'll feel better. 952 00:52:07,525 --> 00:52:09,625 I don't think revenge is the answer 953 00:52:09,627 --> 00:52:11,193 and I don't think you do either. 954 00:52:11,195 --> 00:52:13,195 Well, that's working for me. 955 00:52:22,607 --> 00:52:23,739 - Here, go on. - No. 956 00:52:23,741 --> 00:52:24,807 Let's destroy the evidence. 957 00:52:26,544 --> 00:52:28,744 - [phone camera click] - What are you doing? 958 00:52:28,746 --> 00:52:30,813 What I should've done from the start. 959 00:52:32,216 --> 00:52:34,817 I'm sending it to him. 960 00:52:40,158 --> 00:52:42,191 Maybe Connie deserves this, 961 00:52:42,193 --> 00:52:45,661 but are we any better by being so dishonest and manipulative? 962 00:52:47,365 --> 00:52:48,898 Getting your dignity back has got be worth something, 963 00:52:48,900 --> 00:52:50,232 isn't it? 964 00:52:50,234 --> 00:52:51,567 Yeah, but I'd like to point out 965 00:52:51,569 --> 00:52:52,801 there is a big difference 966 00:52:52,803 --> 00:52:53,736 between getting your dignity back 967 00:52:53,738 --> 00:52:55,437 and getting revenge. 968 00:52:55,439 --> 00:52:57,206 Maybe it's just time that on behalf of all men, 969 00:52:57,208 --> 00:52:59,208 that have been duped by some scurrilous gold-digger 970 00:52:59,210 --> 00:53:00,676 that I get a little payback. 971 00:53:00,678 --> 00:53:03,746 Bollocks. Don't play the victim. 972 00:53:03,748 --> 00:53:06,415 Don't pretend this is some grand crusade. 973 00:53:06,417 --> 00:53:08,551 This is about your fragile ego. 974 00:53:08,553 --> 00:53:11,520 - Ooh? - Here's the thing I don't understand, Mark. 975 00:53:11,522 --> 00:53:15,357 Connie is already a fundamentally unhappy person, right? 976 00:53:15,359 --> 00:53:17,927 So, why are you wasting so much of your time 977 00:53:17,929 --> 00:53:20,329 and energy on trying to make her even more miserable? 978 00:53:20,331 --> 00:53:22,231 There's no prize at the end of this. 979 00:53:23,834 --> 00:53:26,202 And I don't think she's the only one who's being punished. 980 00:53:28,506 --> 00:53:29,572 I'll settle the bill. 981 00:53:30,775 --> 00:53:33,242 [background music] 982 00:53:33,244 --> 00:53:34,210 [cellphone pings a text] 983 00:53:50,795 --> 00:53:53,829 [snoring] 984 00:54:04,408 --> 00:54:09,445 Oh my god, oh my god. [cough, cough] Oh my god. 985 00:54:17,888 --> 00:54:19,722 Come here, you little shit bag. 986 00:54:19,724 --> 00:54:21,323 Connie, can I have a word? 987 00:54:21,325 --> 00:54:22,658 [Connie] Come here. No, leave me alone. 988 00:54:22,660 --> 00:54:25,361 Come on. Give it to me, stupid dog. 989 00:54:25,363 --> 00:54:26,729 [growling] 990 00:54:26,731 --> 00:54:28,397 - [Mark] Connie. - Mark, leave me alone! 991 00:54:28,399 --> 00:54:31,300 Leave me alone. No, get off. No, no, no, no. 992 00:54:31,302 --> 00:54:32,935 - Connie. - What? What? 993 00:54:32,937 --> 00:54:33,902 I just want to have a chat. 994 00:54:33,904 --> 00:54:35,604 Oh, you want to chat? 995 00:54:35,606 --> 00:54:37,940 What do you want to chat about Mark? 996 00:54:37,942 --> 00:54:41,877 What nugget of brilliance have you got for me today? 997 00:54:41,879 --> 00:54:44,580 Have you got another fucking surprise up your sleeve? 998 00:54:44,582 --> 00:54:46,582 Are we going to the sauna with your fat friend or maybe, 999 00:54:46,584 --> 00:54:48,717 I'm going to go winkle picking with Kendra, will that be fun? 1000 00:54:50,855 --> 00:54:52,638 That wouldn't be awkward, would it? 1001 00:54:52,639 --> 00:54:54,422 Tell me, Mark. I'm waiting on tenterhooks. 1002 00:54:54,425 --> 00:54:56,992 I'm waiting with bated breath 1003 00:54:56,994 --> 00:55:01,563 to hear what earth shattering chat we're going to have. 1004 00:55:03,467 --> 00:55:07,369 - Don't leave me in the dark, Mark. Tell me. - Nothing, Connie. 1005 00:55:07,371 --> 00:55:10,639 - Oh, good. So can we go home? - No, not yet. 1006 00:55:10,641 --> 00:55:12,941 Of course. We're going to stay another night 1007 00:55:12,943 --> 00:55:16,745 - in this luxury five-star field. - Nope. 1008 00:55:16,747 --> 00:55:19,014 - Well, what then? - We're gonna, um-- 1009 00:55:19,016 --> 00:55:23,552 Oh, no, I'm gonna stop you right there. I don't want to ruin the surprise, 1010 00:55:23,554 --> 00:55:26,355 'cause you know how much I fucking love them so far. 1011 00:55:26,357 --> 00:55:28,557 Yeah well, you know what? You'll probably hate it like everything else, wouldn't you? 1012 00:55:28,559 --> 00:55:31,894 - Ugh. Where's the bathroom? - Oh, it's over there next 1013 00:55:31,896 --> 00:55:34,730 - to the five-star restaurant. - What restaurant? 1014 00:55:34,732 --> 00:55:37,366 Oh, that's right. We're in a field. Go behind the bushes. 1015 00:55:37,368 --> 00:55:38,867 I'm not going behind the bushes. 1016 00:55:38,869 --> 00:55:40,002 Go wherever you want, Connie. 1017 00:55:40,004 --> 00:55:41,337 Just do it downwind of me. 1018 00:55:42,473 --> 00:55:48,043 Fuck you. Fuck you! You get out as well. 1019 00:55:50,581 --> 00:55:55,084 What, a fucking lunch box? Fucking camping. 1020 00:55:55,086 --> 00:55:57,419 Who's fucking shit idea was that? 1021 00:55:57,421 --> 00:56:01,457 Could you help tidy up? Fucking done with camping. 1022 00:56:01,459 --> 00:56:03,992 Fucking done with it. Never again, never. 1023 00:56:03,994 --> 00:56:05,794 [music] 1024 00:56:09,500 --> 00:56:16,739 Connie! Connie! Connie, you asleep? Connie. 1025 00:56:16,741 --> 00:56:17,906 [Connie] What? Shut up. 1026 00:56:17,908 --> 00:56:19,141 - Are you asleep? - Yes. 1027 00:56:19,143 --> 00:56:20,642 I was just checking. 1028 00:56:25,750 --> 00:56:27,049 - [thud] - Aaah! 1029 00:56:50,608 --> 00:56:51,607 We're here. 1030 00:56:51,609 --> 00:56:56,812 Kitten. Why do you do this to yourself? 1031 00:56:56,814 --> 00:56:58,547 We'll have to get Alexa to sort you out. 1032 00:56:58,549 --> 00:57:00,115 If you insist on looking like a drag queen. 1033 00:57:00,117 --> 00:57:02,551 Couldn't you at least look like a pretty one? 1034 00:57:02,553 --> 00:57:04,586 Oh, my god. Mom. 1035 00:57:04,588 --> 00:57:06,822 I thought she said her parents died in a house fire. 1036 00:57:06,824 --> 00:57:10,426 - Pumpkin! - Hi, ha, ha. 1037 00:57:11,862 --> 00:57:12,861 [kissing] You look awful. 1038 00:57:12,863 --> 00:57:14,096 Oh, god. 1039 00:57:14,098 --> 00:57:15,798 Surprise. 1040 00:57:15,800 --> 00:57:18,467 Well, hello, Mr. Beefcake. 1041 00:57:18,469 --> 00:57:20,536 Let's get you out of these wet things. 1042 00:57:20,538 --> 00:57:21,537 They're not wet. 1043 00:57:21,539 --> 00:57:23,806 Oh, must just be me then. 1044 00:57:26,777 --> 00:57:27,810 I'm out of here. 1045 00:57:27,812 --> 00:57:29,711 No. Tim. I need you. 1046 00:57:29,713 --> 00:57:32,080 Come on, puppy. We're going home. 1047 00:57:32,082 --> 00:57:33,715 Unlock the car. 1048 00:57:33,717 --> 00:57:34,883 Welcome, welcome. 1049 00:57:34,885 --> 00:57:39,121 - See you inside. Come on, trust me. - But you-- 1050 00:57:39,990 --> 00:57:43,025 So, you're the lucky chap marrying my daughter, then? 1051 00:57:43,027 --> 00:57:44,726 - No, afraid not. Best man. - Oh, best man? 1052 00:57:44,728 --> 00:57:47,563 - Yes. - Are you a rugby player? 1053 00:57:54,839 --> 00:57:56,972 Don't take one. We don't want to have to squeeze you 1054 00:57:56,974 --> 00:57:58,207 into your wedding dress. 1055 00:57:58,209 --> 00:57:59,575 Or, indeed the church. 1056 00:57:59,577 --> 00:58:03,946 How are you, Alexa? You look like you've had a few late nights. 1057 00:58:03,948 --> 00:58:05,747 Hmph, what a chief? 1058 00:58:07,551 --> 00:58:08,984 Sorry, what? 1059 00:58:08,986 --> 00:58:10,752 I think it's a goth thing. 1060 00:58:10,754 --> 00:58:12,187 Chief. 1061 00:58:12,189 --> 00:58:13,922 Thank you. 1062 00:58:13,924 --> 00:58:15,891 Very kind of you to put us all up, Carol. 1063 00:58:15,893 --> 00:58:18,594 Mm, my pleasure. 1064 00:58:18,596 --> 00:58:21,497 Connie doesn't have that many friends over here. 1065 00:58:21,499 --> 00:58:24,500 Yeah, I wonder why. 1066 00:58:25,202 --> 00:58:26,835 Oh no, she's talking to herself again. 1067 00:58:26,837 --> 00:58:27,903 I hope that doesn't mean we have to 1068 00:58:27,905 --> 00:58:29,771 send her back to the clinic. 1069 00:58:29,773 --> 00:58:32,074 Well, I'm not paying for it, and she's your problem now. 1070 00:58:34,578 --> 00:58:36,178 - [giggles] - Do you want some bread, Chief? 1071 00:58:36,180 --> 00:58:37,813 Dad, will you say something? 1072 00:58:37,815 --> 00:58:40,282 Alexa, don't waste food on Connie. 1073 00:58:41,285 --> 00:58:42,951 You know I recognize you. 1074 00:58:42,953 --> 00:58:44,953 I'm one of Connie's oldest friends. 1075 00:58:46,023 --> 00:58:47,890 She used to come here every day. 1076 00:58:47,892 --> 00:58:49,791 Oh yeah, 1077 00:58:49,793 --> 00:58:51,260 the sexy one. 1078 00:58:51,262 --> 00:58:52,561 Oh, god. 1079 00:58:52,563 --> 00:58:54,296 They used to be best friends. 1080 00:58:54,298 --> 00:58:56,932 Best friends, you mean only friend? 1081 00:58:56,934 --> 00:58:59,568 Until Connie fucked Kendra's fiancé. 1082 00:58:59,570 --> 00:59:01,703 - Alexa! - Pork chop. 1083 00:59:01,705 --> 00:59:03,238 - You bitch. - Language. 1084 00:59:03,240 --> 00:59:05,207 - Chief. - Well, I must say, 1085 00:59:05,209 --> 00:59:06,909 that doesn't sound very sporting, pumpkin. 1086 00:59:06,911 --> 00:59:08,544 I hope you apologized. 1087 00:59:08,546 --> 00:59:09,978 No, daddy. 1088 00:59:09,980 --> 00:59:11,780 - Gabby. - Yes, sir. 1089 00:59:11,782 --> 00:59:15,017 More bread. Not for Connie though. 1090 00:59:15,019 --> 00:59:18,120 And uh, Gabby, fill this up, would you? 1091 00:59:22,560 --> 00:59:24,693 - [slap] - Oh, there's a good girl. 1092 00:59:30,834 --> 00:59:34,336 [Patrick] So, you're going to make an honest woman of my daughter, then. 1093 00:59:34,338 --> 00:59:36,271 I'm expected to give my blessing. 1094 00:59:36,273 --> 00:59:38,807 I need to know that you're going to make her happy, Mark. 1095 00:59:38,809 --> 00:59:42,110 What's the point, if you're not going to make each other happy? 1096 00:59:42,112 --> 00:59:44,079 It's a kind of embarrassing, but um, 1097 00:59:44,081 --> 00:59:45,581 I spent most of my childhood 1098 00:59:45,583 --> 00:59:46,915 daydreaming about my life with Connie. 1099 00:59:48,786 --> 00:59:52,621 You're right. That was embarrassing. 1100 00:59:52,623 --> 00:59:54,156 No, no, no. That's really sweet. 1101 00:59:54,158 --> 00:59:57,693 Connie is so lucky to have met someone like you. 1102 00:59:57,695 --> 00:59:59,294 - Yes, very lucky. - Very lucky. 1103 00:59:59,296 --> 01:00:00,762 Very, very, lucky. 1104 01:00:00,764 --> 01:00:02,331 - Really lucky. - Very lucky. 1105 01:00:02,333 --> 01:00:05,200 - Yes, very, very, very lucky. - Chief. 1106 01:00:05,202 --> 01:00:08,203 Yeah, I'm a firm believer in traditional standards. 1107 01:00:09,139 --> 01:00:11,273 Woman's place is in the home and whatnot, 1108 01:00:11,275 --> 01:00:13,842 or in the kitchen if you can't afford a maid. 1109 01:00:13,844 --> 01:00:15,677 That's very progressive of you. 1110 01:00:16,680 --> 01:00:20,015 Hmm. Can you afford a maid, Mark? 1111 01:00:20,017 --> 01:00:22,150 I am working on it. 1112 01:00:22,152 --> 01:00:27,956 See, I want Connie to be independent, not so reliant on mom and dad. 1113 01:00:27,958 --> 01:00:29,224 Yes, daddy. 1114 01:00:29,226 --> 01:00:31,259 That's why we spent her inheritance, 1115 01:00:32,129 --> 01:00:34,363 on Alexa's promising pop career. 1116 01:00:35,833 --> 01:00:38,000 ♪ Chief fuck ♪ 1117 01:00:40,204 --> 01:00:44,673 Now, I know that some people may see me as a bit uh, old fashioned, that's fine. 1118 01:00:44,675 --> 01:00:50,045 The world goes on. But there are certain things that I simply will not accept. 1119 01:00:50,047 --> 01:00:53,281 - [Mark] No, of course not. - [Patrick] I mean, don't get me wrong. 1120 01:00:53,283 --> 01:00:56,418 I know that when you're young things can seem very confusing. 1121 01:00:56,420 --> 01:00:58,053 I myself had crushes 1122 01:00:58,055 --> 01:01:01,990 on some of the bigger boys at my school. 1123 01:01:01,992 --> 01:01:03,759 Oh, good Lord. 1124 01:01:03,761 --> 01:01:05,827 Captain of the football team and so forth. 1125 01:01:07,264 --> 01:01:11,166 Harnessing and some fumbling's heavy petting, gobbling. 1126 01:01:12,036 --> 01:01:17,873 That sort of thing, but the point is one grows out of that type of behavior. 1127 01:01:18,809 --> 01:01:20,142 I suppose so. 1128 01:01:21,412 --> 01:01:22,377 More wine? 1129 01:01:24,748 --> 01:01:27,249 I'm going to pace myself, if that's okay. 1130 01:01:27,251 --> 01:01:29,184 Hmm, suit yourself. 1131 01:01:29,186 --> 01:01:32,020 Gabby, top up, please. 1132 01:01:38,062 --> 01:01:40,195 [pidgeon coos] 1133 01:01:43,867 --> 01:01:45,434 My god, let's get out of here. 1134 01:01:45,436 --> 01:01:47,069 I couldn't fathom what he might do next. 1135 01:01:47,071 --> 01:01:48,970 Yeah, minging isn't it? 1136 01:01:48,972 --> 01:01:50,338 Yes, it's awful. 1137 01:01:50,340 --> 01:01:51,740 Almost makes me feel sorry for her. 1138 01:01:51,742 --> 01:01:53,141 - Hmm. - Explains a lot. 1139 01:01:53,143 --> 01:01:54,342 Yeah, it does. 1140 01:01:55,379 --> 01:01:57,012 If I didn't know any better, 1141 01:01:57,014 --> 01:01:58,346 and say what you said about her in there, 1142 01:01:58,348 --> 01:02:00,082 is how you still feel. 1143 01:02:00,084 --> 01:02:01,316 It's a good thing you know me better then, isn't it? 1144 01:02:01,318 --> 01:02:02,284 Yeah, it is. 1145 01:02:03,420 --> 01:02:05,253 You do still have feelings for her? 1146 01:02:05,255 --> 01:02:07,222 - How silly. - Yeah, you do. 1147 01:02:07,224 --> 01:02:09,791 This isn't about punishing her because she deserves it. 1148 01:02:09,793 --> 01:02:11,727 This is about punishing her so you don't have to let her go. 1149 01:02:11,729 --> 01:02:14,329 No. No, that's not true. 1150 01:02:14,331 --> 01:02:16,798 You've just been validating your decision to stay with her. 1151 01:02:16,800 --> 01:02:17,999 - Really? - Yes. 1152 01:02:18,001 --> 01:02:22,037 Okay, so what's my alternative? Alright, I go in there, end it, 1153 01:02:22,039 --> 01:02:25,073 walk off blissfully to the sunset hand in hand with Tim. - Yeah. 1154 01:02:25,075 --> 01:02:28,143 Yeah, how's that working out for you and your ex-fiancé? Are you happier now? 1155 01:02:28,145 --> 01:02:31,012 I feel like myself again. I feel like I've moved on. I'm not angry. 1156 01:02:31,014 --> 01:02:32,748 - I'm not angry! - Then what are you? 1157 01:02:32,750 --> 01:02:39,855 Lonely. I wish I could end it, I do. 1158 01:02:39,857 --> 01:02:41,823 I wish I could just walk in there, be done with it. 1159 01:02:44,828 --> 01:02:45,994 I can't. I just-- 1160 01:02:49,166 --> 01:02:51,900 [sighs] I've been in love with her for 20 years, Kendra. 1161 01:02:51,902 --> 01:02:54,202 I can't just-- I can't just end it. 1162 01:02:55,372 --> 01:02:57,839 Mark, you're not in love with her. 1163 01:02:57,841 --> 01:03:00,075 You've been infatuated with her. 1164 01:03:00,077 --> 01:03:02,277 You deserve to be happy. 1165 01:03:02,279 --> 01:03:04,479 You should be with someone who really understands you 1166 01:03:04,481 --> 01:03:06,848 and appreciates you and cares about you. 1167 01:03:07,518 --> 01:03:09,284 We both know that's not Connie. 1168 01:03:12,790 --> 01:03:13,555 Oh, come here. 1169 01:03:23,801 --> 01:03:25,433 [thunder] 1170 01:03:29,139 --> 01:03:33,041 [wind howling] 1171 01:03:37,481 --> 01:03:41,116 [music box plays] 1172 01:03:41,118 --> 01:03:42,951 [thunder] 1173 01:03:51,361 --> 01:03:54,129 [dramatic classical music] 1174 01:03:58,969 --> 01:03:59,968 [door knocking] 1175 01:03:59,970 --> 01:04:00,969 [lid slams shut] 1176 01:04:04,308 --> 01:04:05,257 Who is it? 1177 01:04:05,258 --> 01:04:06,207 - I'm coming in. - Please don't. 1178 01:04:06,210 --> 01:04:07,843 Hello, foxy. 1179 01:04:07,845 --> 01:04:09,477 I think you're in the wrong room. 1180 01:04:09,479 --> 01:04:12,113 No, no, no, no, we can do it in any room you like. 1181 01:04:12,115 --> 01:04:13,515 I can't fight it any longer. 1182 01:04:13,517 --> 01:04:16,117 Your persistence has finally paid off. 1183 01:04:16,119 --> 01:04:18,987 You're going to get a [smack] spanking. 1184 01:04:19,957 --> 01:04:20,922 All right. 1185 01:04:20,924 --> 01:04:23,525 [dramatic music] 1186 01:04:29,099 --> 01:04:30,131 [thunder] 1187 01:04:36,607 --> 01:04:39,441 My safe-word is, Camembert. 1188 01:04:39,443 --> 01:04:42,444 Well, my safe-word is, your husband terrifies me. 1189 01:04:42,446 --> 01:04:44,112 [dramatic music] 1190 01:04:51,488 --> 01:04:54,923 Don't mind me, old chap. I'll be as good as gold. 1191 01:04:57,928 --> 01:05:00,228 Ducky, you better cover your eyes, mate. 1192 01:05:02,065 --> 01:05:04,566 Don't be such a spoilsport. You'll love it. 1193 01:05:07,271 --> 01:05:10,405 [Tim in the other room] No, no, no, no, no. Camembert! 1194 01:05:10,407 --> 01:05:14,476 [woman screaming] One more time. One more time. 1195 01:05:14,478 --> 01:05:15,677 [Tim] Your husband terrifies me! 1196 01:05:21,018 --> 01:05:22,050 [sighs] 1197 01:05:31,495 --> 01:05:33,628 [crying] 1198 01:05:44,241 --> 01:05:50,445 ♪ You know the way my blood runs 'Cause darlin' You're the only one ♪ 1199 01:05:50,447 --> 01:05:56,985 ♪ Can you and I go somewhere? Go somewhere we can be alone ♪ 1200 01:05:56,987 --> 01:06:03,625 ♪ Lying like John and Yoko or fake our deaths and leave ♪ 1201 01:06:03,627 --> 01:06:05,961 ♪ Am I tripping Are you with me? ♪ 1202 01:06:06,663 --> 01:06:10,565 ♪ 'Cause darlin' You're the only one ♪ 1203 01:06:10,567 --> 01:06:13,668 ♪ The world is going mad ♪ 1204 01:06:13,670 --> 01:06:16,738 ♪ You and I can hide away ♪ 1205 01:06:16,740 --> 01:06:20,542 ♪ I can't stand the TV screen ♪ 1206 01:06:20,544 --> 01:06:22,310 ♪ Turn it off, pull the plug ♪ 1207 01:06:22,312 --> 01:06:24,546 ♪ They can try They won't find us ♪ 1208 01:06:24,548 --> 01:06:26,581 ♪ Slow down your heartbeat ♪ 1209 01:06:27,551 --> 01:06:29,617 ♪ Close your eyes And don't speak ♪ 1210 01:06:30,687 --> 01:06:33,388 ♪ Lay with my body ♪ 1211 01:06:33,390 --> 01:06:37,659 ♪ Play dead, play dead with me ♪ 1212 01:06:37,661 --> 01:06:43,331 ♪ No need to escape. We can find our own way ♪ 1213 01:06:43,333 --> 01:06:46,501 ♪ You got me hiding In cupboards ♪ 1214 01:06:46,503 --> 01:06:51,539 ♪ Play dead, play dead with me ♪ 1215 01:06:51,541 --> 01:06:54,142 ♪ We'll stock up some ration ♪ 1216 01:06:54,144 --> 01:06:57,579 ♪ So we don't have To leave this room ♪ 1217 01:06:57,581 --> 01:07:00,081 ♪ I'm dead Don't care what happens ♪ 1218 01:07:01,151 --> 01:07:02,484 ♪ As long As I'm in here with you... ♪ 1219 01:07:02,486 --> 01:07:05,053 Morning, sleep well? 1220 01:07:07,057 --> 01:07:09,391 - Ahh. - [Groans]. 1221 01:07:09,393 --> 01:07:11,126 Morning, handsome. 1222 01:07:11,128 --> 01:07:14,529 Timmy? Timmy? 1223 01:07:15,799 --> 01:07:19,667 Timmy? Ahh. 1224 01:07:19,669 --> 01:07:22,771 Anyone seen Beefcake? 1225 01:07:22,773 --> 01:07:25,373 I think I saw him going for a run. 1226 01:07:27,244 --> 01:07:30,578 Oh, thank you, Kendra. Okay. 1227 01:07:30,580 --> 01:07:32,247 Tim? Timmy? 1228 01:07:34,351 --> 01:07:35,817 [mother] Timmy. 1229 01:07:35,819 --> 01:07:39,154 - [dog barking] - [mother] Get down, get down. 1230 01:07:39,156 --> 01:07:40,588 She's been bitten by the dog. 1231 01:07:44,461 --> 01:07:46,361 Cons, so how was the road trip? 1232 01:07:46,363 --> 01:07:49,431 Did he get all grabby or did he keep his mitts to himself? 1233 01:07:49,433 --> 01:07:51,232 Ugh, he's not like that. 1234 01:07:51,234 --> 01:07:53,535 You're confusing him with yourself. 1235 01:07:53,537 --> 01:07:54,702 [Johnny laughs] 1236 01:07:55,739 --> 01:07:58,339 So, when you speak to your lawyer next, 1237 01:07:58,341 --> 01:08:00,809 you need to make sure he gets you some shares too. 1238 01:08:00,811 --> 01:08:04,412 Right, that's where the real payoff's really going to come from. Where is the idiot? 1239 01:08:04,414 --> 01:08:07,148 Why d'you have to call him that? Look, it's still half of his money. 1240 01:08:07,150 --> 01:08:09,617 There's really no need to add insult to injury. 1241 01:08:10,587 --> 01:08:14,355 Says the trollop who's literally about to rip out his heart and dance on it. 1242 01:08:14,357 --> 01:08:17,392 Literally. I'm literally going to do that, am I? 1243 01:08:17,394 --> 01:08:20,195 I'm literally going to open his chest cavity, 1244 01:08:20,197 --> 01:08:24,365 rip out his heart and dance on it? Any particular dance? 1245 01:08:24,367 --> 01:08:26,568 It can be fucking Gangnam style if you like it. 1246 01:08:26,570 --> 01:08:28,670 Any girl will be lucky to have Mark. 1247 01:08:28,672 --> 01:08:30,505 [Johnny] Oh, fucking hell. Jesus. 1248 01:08:30,507 --> 01:08:33,308 You haven't got that... Stockholm syndrome, have you? 1249 01:08:33,310 --> 01:08:35,276 - [sighs] - [Johnny Hang on in there. 1250 01:08:36,179 --> 01:08:39,647 I need you to sit tight for me, okay? 1251 01:08:39,649 --> 01:08:41,116 We're going to have so much fucking money. 1252 01:08:41,118 --> 01:08:42,717 So much fucking money. 1253 01:08:42,719 --> 01:08:44,552 Think of all the things we can do with each other. 1254 01:08:44,554 --> 01:08:47,188 Think of all those lovely, lovely anal beads I can get you. 1255 01:08:53,897 --> 01:08:57,765 Hey, Siri, call Fatface McFlippy Nips. 1256 01:08:57,767 --> 01:08:59,767 [Siri] Calling Fatface McFlippy Nips. 1257 01:08:59,769 --> 01:09:01,236 [phone ringing] 1258 01:09:01,238 --> 01:09:04,472 - Oh, shit it's him. - Who? 1259 01:09:04,474 --> 01:09:07,375 [gagging noises] Him, him! 1260 01:09:07,377 --> 01:09:09,844 The bloke we're talking about. Fucking Mark. 1261 01:09:09,846 --> 01:09:11,312 Answer it, moron. 1262 01:09:15,352 --> 01:09:17,552 - Hello. - Johnny, how are you? 1263 01:09:17,554 --> 01:09:19,821 Good, good, good good, good. What about you? 1264 01:09:19,823 --> 01:09:22,190 Good, just wondering what you're up to tonight. 1265 01:09:22,192 --> 01:09:24,626 Not a great deal, mate. No plans as yet. 1266 01:09:24,628 --> 01:09:26,461 Perfect, why don't you come over here. 1267 01:09:26,463 --> 01:09:27,529 Hmm? 1268 01:09:27,531 --> 01:09:29,197 Bye. Twat. 1269 01:09:36,473 --> 01:09:38,540 I was going out for a bit. 1270 01:09:38,542 --> 01:09:40,375 Okay. 1271 01:09:40,377 --> 01:09:42,677 - Just to the shops. - Didn't ask. 1272 01:09:44,481 --> 01:09:45,513 Can I get you anything? 1273 01:09:45,515 --> 01:09:47,549 No. I'm fine, thank you. 1274 01:09:50,654 --> 01:09:54,389 Hey, so I just wanted to apologize for my family. 1275 01:09:58,628 --> 01:10:02,664 - Don't be silly, you've got nothing to apologize for. - Yeah, no, I do. [chuckle] 1276 01:10:02,666 --> 01:10:06,534 It's like being around a bunch of wild animals on heat at that place. 1277 01:10:06,536 --> 01:10:08,670 We all have our burdens, don't we? 1278 01:10:08,672 --> 01:10:11,372 You have your family and I have Tim. 1279 01:10:13,677 --> 01:10:15,210 I wish I could be close to them, 1280 01:10:15,212 --> 01:10:19,614 but, my loss, I guess. See you later. 1281 01:10:22,219 --> 01:10:23,518 See you later. 1282 01:10:25,722 --> 01:10:27,789 [Mark] Thanks for coming, mate. It's really nice to see you. 1283 01:10:27,791 --> 01:10:29,490 - [Johnny] Oh, thanks for inviting me over. - [door slams] 1284 01:10:29,492 --> 01:10:31,993 Oh, here she is. Look who's here. 1285 01:10:31,995 --> 01:10:33,695 Ahh, Connie. 1286 01:10:33,697 --> 01:10:34,963 Hey, Johnny. 1287 01:10:34,965 --> 01:10:37,398 - We love you too. - Hi. 1288 01:10:37,400 --> 01:10:39,334 Uh, sweetheart we're out of wine, 1289 01:10:39,336 --> 01:10:41,336 so I'm going to nip to the shop, grab a bottle. 1290 01:10:41,338 --> 01:10:42,870 Uh, you'll be all right for 10 minutes, will you? 1291 01:10:42,872 --> 01:10:44,305 Yeah, no problem, chief. 1292 01:10:44,307 --> 01:10:45,273 Be back in a bit. 1293 01:10:52,415 --> 01:10:53,548 [music] 1294 01:10:53,550 --> 01:10:54,882 What are you doing? 1295 01:10:54,884 --> 01:10:56,618 He's going to be back in a few minutes. 1296 01:10:56,620 --> 01:10:58,486 Taking my shoes off. A few minutes is all I need. 1297 01:10:58,488 --> 01:10:59,721 No. No. Stop it. No. No. 1298 01:10:59,723 --> 01:11:02,023 Connie, come on. It'll be exciting. 1299 01:11:02,025 --> 01:11:03,358 Stop it. Stop it. 1300 01:11:03,360 --> 01:11:04,492 Come on. 1301 01:11:04,494 --> 01:11:06,527 Stop it, now. Stop it. Stop it. 1302 01:11:17,607 --> 01:11:19,307 They think I'm so stupid. 1303 01:11:19,309 --> 01:11:21,276 Oh, he's got his trousers off now. 1304 01:11:21,278 --> 01:11:23,611 Come on. Already? 1305 01:11:23,613 --> 01:11:26,414 [phone rings] 1306 01:11:26,416 --> 01:11:29,017 - Hello. - [Mark] Hello. Hi, yeah, no uh, 1307 01:11:29,019 --> 01:11:30,618 I couldn't find the bottle of wine I wanted, 1308 01:11:30,620 --> 01:11:31,853 so I'm going to pop down to the supermarket. 1309 01:11:31,855 --> 01:11:34,656 I'll be about 20 minutes. 1310 01:11:35,592 --> 01:11:37,425 Yes. I'll see you in a bit. 1311 01:11:37,427 --> 01:11:39,360 Love you. 1312 01:11:39,362 --> 01:11:41,029 I don't think you're gonna find that closure tonight, mate. 1313 01:11:41,031 --> 01:11:42,764 - [Connie] Stop it. - [Johnny] How long we've got? 1314 01:11:42,766 --> 01:11:43,765 [Connie] For what? 1315 01:11:43,767 --> 01:11:45,967 For this. Come on. 1316 01:11:45,969 --> 01:11:50,438 - 20 minutes, and no. Shut up. No. - Yes. 1317 01:11:50,440 --> 01:11:52,407 - No! - Yes! 1318 01:11:52,409 --> 01:11:55,643 I don't understand, why won't my fiancé have sex with that man? 1319 01:11:55,645 --> 01:11:57,812 - Some people, eh? - Yeah. 1320 01:11:57,814 --> 01:11:59,947 Don't be in such a twist. Nothing. 1321 01:11:59,949 --> 01:12:03,618 I just have zero interest in having sex with a fucktard like you. 1322 01:12:04,921 --> 01:12:05,887 [door slams] 1323 01:12:08,325 --> 01:12:10,058 Put your fucking clothes back on now. [door slams] 1324 01:12:10,060 --> 01:12:13,061 Jesus Christ, you're being such a fucking bore, Connie. 1325 01:12:13,063 --> 01:12:13,928 He's so annoying. 1326 01:12:18,435 --> 01:12:21,903 Here you go. Good luck. 1327 01:12:21,905 --> 01:12:23,771 Thanks. Enjoy the show. 1328 01:12:43,493 --> 01:12:46,094 - Fuck me, what happened in here? - Hello mate. 1329 01:12:46,096 --> 01:12:48,996 - Is it warm in here? - It is a little bit toasty, isn't it? 1330 01:12:48,998 --> 01:12:51,866 Hey, I didn't know you were going to be back so soon. 1331 01:12:51,868 --> 01:12:54,102 Yeah, well they didn't have the wine I wanted, 1332 01:12:54,104 --> 01:12:56,137 but then I figured you're just going to put water in yours anyway, so-- 1333 01:12:56,139 --> 01:12:57,839 [laughs] 1334 01:12:57,841 --> 01:12:59,707 - Uh, Johnny. - Yes. 1335 01:12:59,709 --> 01:13:02,143 - You like red? - I bloody love it. Red. 1336 01:13:02,145 --> 01:13:04,746 Good. Man after my own heart. Just say when. 1337 01:13:04,748 --> 01:13:05,713 Of course. 1338 01:13:06,549 --> 01:13:09,450 Oh, ah, shit! 1339 01:13:09,452 --> 01:13:11,052 uh, Johnny, I'm so sorry. 1340 01:13:11,054 --> 01:13:12,854 And so careless of me. 1341 01:13:12,856 --> 01:13:14,455 - That's fine. - It's very clearly, 1342 01:13:14,457 --> 01:13:16,424 going to leave a big stain on your shirt. 1343 01:13:16,426 --> 01:13:18,559 - I sort of prefer it that way, anyway. - If you don't mind, 1344 01:13:18,561 --> 01:13:20,528 - I'm just going to get this tablecloth cleaned up... - No, no, no, no! 1345 01:13:20,530 --> 01:13:21,996 - No, no, good one. - No, no, 1346 01:13:21,998 --> 01:13:23,831 - this is my favorite table cloth. - No, no, no, no. 1347 01:13:23,833 --> 01:13:25,400 Why don't you just let me wash my own tablecloth? 1348 01:13:25,402 --> 01:13:27,435 No, I think it's part of the design. 1349 01:13:27,437 --> 01:13:28,703 - My mother gave me this. - Did she? 1350 01:13:28,705 --> 01:13:29,971 - Yeah. - Yeah. 1351 01:13:29,973 --> 01:13:31,005 Johnny, give me, give me it. Johnny. 1352 01:13:31,007 --> 01:13:32,807 No. 1353 01:13:32,809 --> 01:13:35,042 Why are you so attached to this tablecloth, Johnny? 1354 01:13:35,044 --> 01:13:36,577 No. 1355 01:13:36,579 --> 01:13:39,013 Just give me the tablecloth, Johnny. 1356 01:13:39,015 --> 01:13:40,581 Just leave the fucking tablecloth alone, you prick. 1357 01:13:40,583 --> 01:13:43,017 Give me the tablecloth. 1358 01:13:52,962 --> 01:13:56,697 - Huh. - The thing is, mate. 1359 01:13:56,699 --> 01:13:58,566 Yes, the thing. 1360 01:13:58,568 --> 01:14:02,837 Well, I thought I'd just, you know, have a little one. 1361 01:14:03,973 --> 01:14:08,876 Right. That's your good idea. 1362 01:14:12,982 --> 01:14:14,449 Should we do this another night? 1363 01:14:14,451 --> 01:14:16,217 Great idea. Fantastic. 1364 01:14:18,822 --> 01:14:19,754 You mind if I-- 1365 01:14:19,756 --> 01:14:20,855 Yeah, help yourself. 1366 01:14:22,058 --> 01:14:23,224 Love mint. 1367 01:14:28,898 --> 01:14:30,064 Johnny, you should-- 1368 01:14:31,067 --> 01:14:32,800 Oh, I need those. 1369 01:14:34,737 --> 01:14:36,070 [Johnny blows kiss] 1370 01:14:39,776 --> 01:14:40,741 [door closes] 1371 01:14:46,883 --> 01:14:47,982 Got you something. 1372 01:14:47,984 --> 01:14:49,484 What's this? 1373 01:14:51,087 --> 01:14:52,053 Prenup. 1374 01:14:55,258 --> 01:14:56,724 [door opens] 1375 01:14:58,094 --> 01:14:59,827 - [sighs] - [door closes] 1376 01:15:01,798 --> 01:15:02,830 [sighs] 1377 01:15:20,750 --> 01:15:22,683 He's a sneaky bastard. 1378 01:15:22,685 --> 01:15:24,785 Why is he doing this to me? 1379 01:15:24,787 --> 01:15:28,756 Because deep down, sugar tits he knows you're a conniving cow. 1380 01:15:28,758 --> 01:15:32,627 Oh, and thank you for leaving me high and dry last night. 1381 01:15:32,629 --> 01:15:34,262 So, that's it then? 1382 01:15:34,264 --> 01:15:37,665 No. No, no, no, no, no. Not at all. 1383 01:15:37,667 --> 01:15:40,902 You see this states that everything he gets before the wedding 1384 01:15:40,904 --> 01:15:42,303 remains his. 1385 01:15:42,305 --> 01:15:44,805 Uh, well yeah, it's a prenup. Oaf! 1386 01:15:44,807 --> 01:15:46,207 Shh, shh, shh, shh 1387 01:15:46,209 --> 01:15:51,579 Just-- Shh. What I mean is 1388 01:15:51,581 --> 01:15:53,848 he's thinking that the money is coming in before the wedding. 1389 01:15:54,751 --> 01:15:57,552 - And? - And... 1390 01:15:57,554 --> 01:15:59,820 I might just have to take another little trip down to accounts 1391 01:15:59,822 --> 01:16:02,123 to delay the contract by a few days 1392 01:16:02,125 --> 01:16:04,725 until after the wedding. 1393 01:16:07,263 --> 01:16:10,097 [Johnny] Thank you, Johnny. Oh, Johnny, you're so sexy. 1394 01:16:10,099 --> 01:16:12,600 Ooo, please, please take me now. 1395 01:16:12,602 --> 01:16:14,302 Johnny, Johnny Johnny, Johnny, Johnny. 1396 01:16:14,304 --> 01:16:18,739 Something. Something. Ugh, fuck off. 1397 01:16:20,643 --> 01:16:23,778 [chilled acoustic music] 1398 01:16:27,884 --> 01:16:30,217 Well, I'm going to go out on a limb 1399 01:16:30,219 --> 01:16:32,753 and declare this the worst stag night ever. 1400 01:16:34,223 --> 01:16:35,756 Yep. 1401 01:16:35,758 --> 01:16:37,792 - Congratulations, mate. - Thank you! 1402 01:16:40,029 --> 01:16:42,730 Now, is it just me or are we way past the point 1403 01:16:42,732 --> 01:16:44,265 where we're supposed to stop doing this? 1404 01:16:44,267 --> 01:16:46,367 Little bit longer, pal, it's almost over. 1405 01:16:48,871 --> 01:16:51,205 ♪ You're the only one ♪ 1406 01:16:51,207 --> 01:16:53,908 ♪ Who brings light Just like the sun... ♪ 1407 01:16:55,378 --> 01:16:57,645 [phone rings] 1408 01:17:00,917 --> 01:17:05,119 - Hello. - Hello, this is Peter calling for Three Bells Catering. 1409 01:17:05,121 --> 01:17:08,189 Just ringing about tomorrow's wedding, you must be excited. 1410 01:17:08,191 --> 01:17:11,025 Anyway, I wanted to double check guest numbers, please. 1411 01:17:11,027 --> 01:17:13,661 I think he had an updated list somewhere. 1412 01:17:16,399 --> 01:17:19,967 Uh, yup, that's four extra confirmed. 1413 01:17:19,969 --> 01:17:21,736 Great. One more thing before you go. 1414 01:17:21,738 --> 01:17:22,837 [music] 1415 01:17:22,839 --> 01:17:24,972 ♪ My darling you and I ♪ 1416 01:17:24,974 --> 01:17:27,642 ♪ Take over the world ♪ 1417 01:17:27,644 --> 01:17:31,312 ♪ One step at a time, Just you and I ♪ 1418 01:17:33,149 --> 01:17:38,019 ♪ 'Cause, my darling you and I Take over the world ♪ 1419 01:17:38,855 --> 01:17:42,323 ♪ One step at a time, Just you and I ♪ 1420 01:17:43,893 --> 01:17:46,227 ♪ 'Cause you're the only one ♪ 1421 01:17:47,096 --> 01:17:49,764 ♪ Who brings light Just like the sun ♪ 1422 01:17:49,766 --> 01:17:53,901 ♪ One step at a time Just you and I ♪ 1423 01:17:55,171 --> 01:17:59,306 ♪ One step at a time Just you and I ♪ 1424 01:18:00,209 --> 01:18:05,012 ♪ Yeah, one step at a time just you and I ♪ 1425 01:18:12,689 --> 01:18:15,222 Hiya, which club did you come from? 1426 01:18:15,224 --> 01:18:17,324 - Who the hell are you? - Having a last night of freedom party. 1427 01:18:17,326 --> 01:18:18,993 You don't mind, do you? 1428 01:18:18,995 --> 01:18:21,462 Well, we are getting married in the morning. 1429 01:18:21,464 --> 01:18:23,764 Yeah, but we got strippers tonight. 1430 01:18:23,766 --> 01:18:26,333 Hence, last night of freedom. 1431 01:18:27,737 --> 01:18:30,137 Well, have fun. I'm staying at my friend's tonight. 1432 01:18:30,139 --> 01:18:32,773 You sure? We got kebabs, we got enough for everyone. 1433 01:18:34,844 --> 01:18:38,045 I signed the prenup. Happy? 1434 01:18:40,316 --> 01:18:42,149 Why wouldn't I be? I'm getting married in the morning. 1435 01:18:43,986 --> 01:18:44,985 Bye, Connie. 1436 01:18:46,989 --> 01:18:48,756 See you tomorrow. 1437 01:18:48,758 --> 01:18:50,725 [kiss] 1438 01:18:50,727 --> 01:18:53,360 [song playing] 1439 01:19:01,471 --> 01:19:03,804 Well, mate, let's get the party started. 1440 01:19:07,443 --> 01:19:09,977 Gonna get my head down, get an early night. 1441 01:19:09,979 --> 01:19:12,113 What? But strippers. 1442 01:19:12,982 --> 01:19:13,981 Have fun. 1443 01:19:15,284 --> 01:19:18,018 The more for me, mate. Come on, girls. 1444 01:19:18,020 --> 01:19:19,854 You have this. Where are the kebabs at? 1445 01:19:19,856 --> 01:19:21,856 [song playing] 1446 01:19:46,516 --> 01:19:49,850 [Young Mark] Everyday you're on my mind, I love the way you laugh. 1447 01:19:49,852 --> 01:19:51,886 I promise to always treat you kind, 1448 01:19:51,888 --> 01:19:53,454 like you're my better half. 1449 01:19:53,456 --> 01:19:55,356 I'll keep you close to my heart 1450 01:19:55,358 --> 01:19:58,092 but you will always be and hope we're never apart. 1451 01:19:58,094 --> 01:19:59,927 Forever you and me. 1452 01:20:06,502 --> 01:20:07,835 [laughter] 1453 01:20:07,837 --> 01:20:09,069 Stop it. 1454 01:20:43,005 --> 01:20:45,606 I'm in heaven. 1455 01:20:45,608 --> 01:20:50,144 Mate, mate, take a picture. Please. 1456 01:21:39,896 --> 01:21:40,628 Yes. 1457 01:21:40,630 --> 01:21:43,297 [song playing] 1458 01:21:50,973 --> 01:21:54,375 [church bells chiming] 1459 01:22:07,290 --> 01:22:08,689 Psst, psst! 1460 01:22:10,359 --> 01:22:13,027 Is there a bucket nearby? I think-- I think I need to vomit. 1461 01:22:13,029 --> 01:22:14,695 Hangover that bad, is it? 1462 01:22:14,697 --> 01:22:19,199 It's not good, but Baroness von Strap-on is not helping. 1463 01:22:20,636 --> 01:22:23,437 - Priest. - Can't we do this sitting down? 1464 01:22:23,439 --> 01:22:25,205 What you sitting there for, you big lump of shite? 1465 01:22:25,207 --> 01:22:28,242 - Excuse me, sorry. Joe? - [Joe] Hi. 1466 01:22:28,244 --> 01:22:30,377 - Is it done? - [Joe] I've got some bad news, I'm afraid. 1467 01:22:30,379 --> 01:22:32,279 There's a delay with the contract. 1468 01:22:32,281 --> 01:22:34,581 Some sap forgot to put the correct witness info on. 1469 01:22:34,583 --> 01:22:37,051 They've assured me it'll re-signed first thing Monday morning. 1470 01:22:37,053 --> 01:22:39,086 Money all cleared into your account Tuesday. 1471 01:22:39,088 --> 01:22:41,989 - Okay. - Mark, just remember the prenup's not going to cover 1472 01:22:41,991 --> 01:22:44,992 - any contract signed after you get married. - Thanks. 1473 01:22:44,994 --> 01:22:50,197 What's he playing at? Hey, gobshite. Get your ass down and kneel. 1474 01:22:50,199 --> 01:22:51,165 Sorry. 1475 01:22:55,304 --> 01:22:56,670 Any last minute notes? 1476 01:22:56,672 --> 01:22:59,373 [wedding march playing] 1477 01:23:02,545 --> 01:23:04,178 Well, all stand up. 1478 01:23:04,180 --> 01:23:07,047 [wedding march playing] 1479 01:23:36,278 --> 01:23:37,244 Patrick. 1480 01:23:39,181 --> 01:23:40,381 Oh, there you are. 1481 01:23:44,787 --> 01:23:46,320 You can sit down now. 1482 01:23:49,358 --> 01:23:52,092 Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today 1483 01:23:52,094 --> 01:23:55,329 to witness the coming together of Connie and Mark 1484 01:23:55,331 --> 01:23:59,600 and to celebrate the communion they are about to make. 1485 01:23:59,602 --> 01:24:04,371 Is there anyone here present who knows any reason 1486 01:24:04,373 --> 01:24:08,142 why Connie and Mark cannot be joined in marriage? 1487 01:24:08,144 --> 01:24:11,678 Speak now or forever shut your face. 1488 01:24:14,450 --> 01:24:15,416 Yes? 1489 01:24:20,156 --> 01:24:21,755 [coughs] 1490 01:24:23,192 --> 01:24:24,658 Then we can carry on then, can we? 1491 01:24:24,660 --> 01:24:26,493 - Please do. - Thank you. 1492 01:24:26,495 --> 01:24:27,694 Have you got the ring? 1493 01:24:30,166 --> 01:24:31,131 Thank you. 1494 01:24:36,172 --> 01:24:39,239 Do you, Mark Walwyn, 'wyn, 1495 01:24:40,142 --> 01:24:45,412 promise to take Connie Nicholson to be a lawful wedded wife, 1496 01:24:46,315 --> 01:24:51,251 in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, better or worse? 1497 01:25:00,196 --> 01:25:01,395 I do. 1498 01:25:03,833 --> 01:25:04,798 What? 1499 01:25:08,370 --> 01:25:14,441 [priest] And do you, Connie Nicholson promise to take Mark Walwyn 1500 01:25:14,443 --> 01:25:19,279 to be a lawful wedded husband, in sickness and in health 1501 01:25:19,281 --> 01:25:22,850 for richer or poorer, better or worse? 1502 01:25:29,258 --> 01:25:30,190 No. 1503 01:25:31,293 --> 01:25:35,496 Good, then you may now kiss the-- What? 1504 01:25:35,498 --> 01:25:37,431 I said no. 1505 01:25:37,433 --> 01:25:39,233 What are doing? 1506 01:25:39,235 --> 01:25:41,568 You deserve so much better than me. 1507 01:25:43,205 --> 01:25:44,505 I know about the money. 1508 01:25:44,507 --> 01:25:46,340 I know, I don't care. 1509 01:25:47,843 --> 01:25:49,309 I do love you though. 1510 01:25:49,311 --> 01:25:50,477 No, you don't. 1511 01:25:52,314 --> 01:25:53,647 Thanks for saying it though. 1512 01:25:54,850 --> 01:25:56,283 Sorry about your hair. 1513 01:25:57,353 --> 01:25:58,652 I'm sorry about it all. 1514 01:26:00,856 --> 01:26:02,156 Why didn't you end it? 1515 01:26:03,492 --> 01:26:05,626 Couldn't. 1516 01:26:05,628 --> 01:26:06,660 I love you. 1517 01:26:10,199 --> 01:26:12,266 You're supposed to say "yes". 1518 01:26:12,268 --> 01:26:15,569 Baby, baby, he's gonna get away with our money. 1519 01:26:15,571 --> 01:26:17,371 It's not our money, it's his money. 1520 01:26:17,373 --> 01:26:19,339 - Are you insane? - Sit down. 1521 01:26:19,341 --> 01:26:22,576 - Um, what money? - Just made 20 million. 1522 01:26:22,578 --> 01:26:24,344 - [crowd gasps] - [Johnny] Fucking hell. 1523 01:26:25,781 --> 01:26:28,282 God, can I have a million pounds then? 1524 01:26:28,284 --> 01:26:29,850 You can have half. 1525 01:26:29,852 --> 01:26:32,386 Buddy, um, can I have half a million too, please? 1526 01:26:32,388 --> 01:26:35,422 Johnny, will you shut up. Will you just fuck off. 1527 01:26:35,424 --> 01:26:38,759 Take you fucking weasel dick and your little fucking hooker and get out. 1528 01:26:38,761 --> 01:26:42,296 It's not really little, and she's not a hooker, that's her. 1529 01:26:42,298 --> 01:26:43,363 I'm going to make a move. 1530 01:26:43,365 --> 01:26:47,367 Alright, come on, come on. I just need to get out of here. 1531 01:26:47,369 --> 01:26:48,769 Let's go, let's go, let's go. 1532 01:26:48,771 --> 01:26:50,337 Am I still getting my money? 1533 01:26:50,339 --> 01:26:52,339 No, not a fucking bean. 1534 01:26:52,975 --> 01:26:55,776 She's a-- She's an escort. She's an escort! 1535 01:26:56,679 --> 01:26:57,711 There's a difference. 1536 01:26:59,315 --> 01:27:00,314 [Johnny] Hope you all die! 1537 01:27:03,852 --> 01:27:05,519 Sorry, everyone. 1538 01:27:07,957 --> 01:27:08,956 Sorry. 1539 01:27:12,528 --> 01:27:13,460 Sorry. 1540 01:27:13,462 --> 01:27:14,428 That's all right. 1541 01:27:14,430 --> 01:27:16,363 I get paid either way. 1542 01:27:16,365 --> 01:27:20,834 I don't judge, that's God's job, and he don't exist, by the way. 1543 01:27:23,405 --> 01:27:25,973 [wedding march playing] 1544 01:27:30,813 --> 01:27:32,713 It's okay. 1545 01:27:32,715 --> 01:27:34,681 Please don't be too touchy, Kendra. 1546 01:27:34,683 --> 01:27:36,917 He seems to be very fond of you. 1547 01:27:38,754 --> 01:27:41,288 - Do you think-- - You can fuck off too. 1548 01:27:41,290 --> 01:27:42,990 Okay. Okay. 1549 01:27:54,737 --> 01:27:56,770 Cracking wedding, fella. 1550 01:27:56,772 --> 01:27:58,372 Yeah. We should do it again some time. 1551 01:27:58,374 --> 01:27:59,339 Oh yeah, definitely. 1552 01:27:59,341 --> 01:28:02,476 So, when do I get my half million then? 1553 01:28:03,879 --> 01:28:05,679 How's Tuesday? 1554 01:28:05,681 --> 01:28:06,747 It's alright, I suppose. 1555 01:28:06,749 --> 01:28:08,348 Thanks for being so patient. 1556 01:28:08,350 --> 01:28:10,984 By the way, what is this invention of yours? 1557 01:28:10,986 --> 01:28:12,686 Tim, we've lived together for four years 1558 01:28:12,688 --> 01:28:13,687 you don't know what I do for a living. 1559 01:28:13,689 --> 01:28:15,555 Honestly, no. 1560 01:28:15,557 --> 01:28:17,324 It's an app for airline pilo-- 1561 01:28:17,326 --> 01:28:18,492 Yeah, no I'm not interested. 1562 01:28:18,494 --> 01:28:19,626 Hello, foxy. 1563 01:28:19,628 --> 01:28:21,295 Oh, god. 1564 01:28:21,297 --> 01:28:23,063 Mark, I am a little bit disappointed in you, 1565 01:28:23,065 --> 01:28:28,402 but if you'd like to date Alexa, we would definitely consider it. 1566 01:28:31,040 --> 01:28:32,005 Chief. 1567 01:28:32,007 --> 01:28:35,709 Kendra, I can't take back what I did 1568 01:28:35,711 --> 01:28:38,912 and it probably doesn't mean a whole lot more to you 1569 01:28:38,914 --> 01:28:42,416 to tell you there hasn't been a single day 1570 01:28:42,418 --> 01:28:44,685 where I haven't been filled with regret. 1571 01:28:44,687 --> 01:28:47,421 I'm truly so, so sorry for hurting you. 1572 01:28:47,423 --> 01:28:49,723 Here, keep yourself dry. Bye, bye. 1573 01:28:49,725 --> 01:28:51,091 What's wrong with you? 1574 01:28:51,093 --> 01:28:53,493 Nothing just horny. 1575 01:28:54,697 --> 01:28:57,764 What? Wonder where he's gone. 1576 01:28:57,766 --> 01:29:00,901 You're disgusting. I'm so embarrassed. 1577 01:29:01,904 --> 01:29:04,871 Oh, Mark, your wedding present's arrived. 1578 01:29:07,476 --> 01:29:11,345 - Tim, no! - Yes. 1579 01:29:11,347 --> 01:29:15,415 - How did you afford this? - I just popped it on the old credit card. 1580 01:29:16,618 --> 01:29:18,418 How long have you hired it for, Tim? 1581 01:29:18,420 --> 01:29:20,520 - Ach, just three months. - Just three months, eh? 1582 01:29:21,657 --> 01:29:23,090 Coming out of your half. 1583 01:29:23,092 --> 01:29:26,960 Yes, sure. Look after Ducky for me. Ducky! 1584 01:29:30,699 --> 01:29:32,632 [car engine revving] 1585 01:29:35,738 --> 01:29:40,140 Well, at least Tim isn't going to sleep with both of your parents again. 1586 01:29:40,142 --> 01:29:42,743 If I didn't know any better I'd say, 1587 01:29:42,745 --> 01:29:43,777 you're kind of enjoying this. 1588 01:29:43,779 --> 01:29:45,679 [giggles] Maybe. A little. 1589 01:29:47,716 --> 01:29:51,151 [Mark] If I'm being honest, all my life I've come across 1590 01:29:51,153 --> 01:29:54,888 like a lobotomized hamster when it comes to understanding women. 1591 01:29:54,890 --> 01:29:56,990 And at the age of 30, having just blossomed 1592 01:29:56,992 --> 01:29:58,925 into a multi-millionaire 1593 01:29:58,927 --> 01:30:01,862 I know even less. 1594 01:30:01,864 --> 01:30:03,630 So, If you think I'm giving up 1595 01:30:03,632 --> 01:30:06,433 on that cold-hearted, gold-digging trollop 1596 01:30:06,435 --> 01:30:10,937 just as she's starting to like me, think again. 1597 01:30:10,939 --> 01:30:13,907 [music playing] 1598 01:31:26,515 --> 01:31:28,014 [loud sobbing] 1599 01:31:28,984 --> 01:31:31,885 There, there. Cry your tiny little eyes out. 1600 01:31:31,887 --> 01:31:33,753 That'll make it all better. Yeah. 1601 01:31:33,755 --> 01:31:35,655 [blows nose and chokes] 1602 01:31:35,657 --> 01:31:37,591 How could she do this to me? 1603 01:31:37,593 --> 01:31:39,893 It's like I already told you. 1604 01:31:39,895 --> 01:31:45,232 She is a lying, cheating shit. 1605 01:31:45,234 --> 01:31:47,100 [coughs and crying] 1606 01:31:48,604 --> 01:31:50,237 The best thing you can do, right? 1607 01:31:50,239 --> 01:31:52,772 Is to chuck her out and let me and Ducky move back in. 1608 01:31:52,774 --> 01:31:55,876 No, I don't want to. [crying] 1609 01:31:57,212 --> 01:31:58,945 [Tim laughs] 1610 01:32:00,015 --> 01:32:04,918 Well, what are you going to do about her then? Kill her? No. 1611 01:32:04,920 --> 01:32:07,521 [music] 118821

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