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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,209 --> 00:00:04,378 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,379 --> 00:00:08,298 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:08,299 --> 00:00:11,260 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:14,221 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,222 --> 00:00:17,808 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:17,809 --> 00:00:21,395 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,396 --> 00:00:22,938 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:22,939 --> 00:00:24,690 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:30,029 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:36,661 --> 00:00:38,078 Peter, come on. 11 00:00:38,079 --> 00:00:39,329 - What? - We're starting. 12 00:00:39,330 --> 00:00:41,039 Oh, is this, uh, a new one? 13 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:43,125 I thought it was a rerun. Okay, here we go. 14 00:00:43,126 --> 00:00:45,252 Line? 15 00:00:45,253 --> 00:00:47,755 What are those guys doing over there? 16 00:00:47,756 --> 00:00:49,506 Hey, what are those guys doing over there? 17 00:00:49,507 --> 00:00:51,550 I added a "hey." 18 00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:54,011 Here we go, Patriots! 19 00:00:54,012 --> 00:00:55,596 All right, now let's go miss the urinal 20 00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:57,514 with half a whiz and get out of here. 21 00:00:57,515 --> 00:00:59,808 - Right on! - Hey, why you guys leaving? 22 00:00:59,809 --> 00:01:01,894 We're taking a party bus to the game. 23 00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,479 A bus for partying? 24 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:05,022 Aw, that sounds awesome. 25 00:01:05,023 --> 00:01:07,024 Like a pair of Pete's Headphones. 26 00:01:07,025 --> 00:01:09,485 ♪ Oye como va ♪ 27 00:01:09,486 --> 00:01:10,694 ♪ Mi ritmo ♪ 28 00:01:10,695 --> 00:01:13,197 ♪ Buena pa' gozar ♪ 29 00:01:13,198 --> 00:01:14,157 ♪ Mulata ♪ 30 00:01:14,158 --> 00:01:16,241 ♪ Ba, ba-da ba-da-da ♪ 31 00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:17,993 ♪ Ba-da-da-da-da-da ♪ 32 00:01:17,994 --> 00:01:22,039 ♪ Da-da-da-da-da-da- da-da-da... ♪ 33 00:01:24,250 --> 00:01:26,084 Mom, can we eat? 34 00:01:26,085 --> 00:01:28,754 My stomach is starting to sound like Arnold Schwarzenegger 35 00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:31,590 gasping for air at the end of Total Recall. 36 00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:33,884 My eyes are 37 00:01:33,885 --> 00:01:36,428 popping out at the end of this movie! 38 00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:38,514 Well, I'd like to wait for your father. 39 00:01:38,515 --> 00:01:41,642 L-Let me send him another infuriating check-in text. 40 00:01:41,643 --> 00:01:43,936 Hel-lo! 41 00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,437 Yes? 42 00:01:45,438 --> 00:01:47,314 Peter, where the hell have you been? 43 00:01:47,315 --> 00:01:50,067 On a magical journey to Gillette Stadium and back. 44 00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:51,735 You remember last night when you called me 45 00:01:51,736 --> 00:01:54,321 the lowest-class alcoholic in the world? 46 00:01:54,322 --> 00:01:57,866 Well, I found one rung lower. I'm a party bus guy now. 47 00:01:57,867 --> 00:02:00,828 That's got to be way better than when I drove a Fiat. 48 00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:03,080 Hey! You cut me off! 49 00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:05,249 What? Turn down your radio. 50 00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:07,376 I can't. My stomach's pressed up against the dial. 51 00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:09,127 You want to go? 52 00:02:09,128 --> 00:02:13,382 Get me 17 shoehorns and some canola oil, and we'll go! 53 00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:16,009 Get back here! 54 00:02:18,930 --> 00:02:21,974 Okay, guys, now this is a bus for a fireman's bachelor party. 55 00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:24,476 So just follow my lead and we'll fit right in. 56 00:02:24,477 --> 00:02:26,353 All right! 57 00:02:26,354 --> 00:02:28,438 9/11! Boston Strong! 58 00:02:28,439 --> 00:02:31,567 Never forget! How about this guy? You forget? 59 00:02:31,568 --> 00:02:34,611 No way. You're too Boston Strong to ever forget. 60 00:02:34,612 --> 00:02:36,905 Let's roll! 61 00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:40,534 Uh, I mean... civil servants with hero complexes! 62 00:02:40,535 --> 00:02:42,202 - Boom! - All right! 63 00:02:42,203 --> 00:02:44,413 Welcome, other firefighters. 64 00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:47,166 Bring us the man of the hour. 65 00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:48,251 Come on, Smitty! 66 00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:53,380 To my last night as a free man! 67 00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:59,177 Hmm. Unfortunate timing. 68 00:02:59,178 --> 00:03:01,054 Now, which one of these scumbag firemen 69 00:03:01,055 --> 00:03:02,806 will go after his fiancée? 70 00:03:02,807 --> 00:03:05,100 Already happened. We're very happy. 71 00:03:08,354 --> 00:03:12,900 ♪ Firemen are not good friends ♪ 72 00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:17,363 ♪ They'll bang your wife when you are dead. ♪ 73 00:03:22,535 --> 00:03:24,745 Peter, this sucks! 74 00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:26,748 What are we doing out here? 75 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:34,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 76 00:03:38,676 --> 00:03:41,053 I'm beginning to think those vodka cranberries 77 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:43,222 may have had alcohol in them. 78 00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:51,647 Wow, partying on the bus to prom. 79 00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:53,690 Doesn't get much cooler than this. 80 00:03:53,691 --> 00:03:55,609 None of these lame kids is drinking. 81 00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:58,987 Eh, I think I know what's going on. 82 00:03:58,988 --> 00:04:02,325 Hey, how many of you kids are on the horny drugs? 83 00:04:03,826 --> 00:04:05,036 I'm a cop. 84 00:04:06,412 --> 00:04:08,246 But I'm not a narc. 85 00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:12,000 Cool cop! Cool cop! Cool cop! 86 00:04:12,001 --> 00:04:14,544 Did you dook yourself? 87 00:04:14,545 --> 00:04:16,713 Just listen to the chant, Peter. 88 00:04:16,714 --> 00:04:19,133 Listen to the chant. 89 00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:23,930 ♪ ♪ 90 00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:28,684 Close dancing, 12 o'clock. 91 00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:31,561 Hey, arm's length, dirty porno lovers! 92 00:04:31,562 --> 00:04:33,855 So, going stag tonight, Meg? 93 00:04:33,856 --> 00:04:36,650 Oh, no, I brought someone. 94 00:04:36,651 --> 00:04:39,027 Hello. I'm in love with Meg. 95 00:04:39,028 --> 00:04:41,655 Well, now I'm very sorry I asked. 96 00:04:41,656 --> 00:04:44,074 Wow, the end of high school. 97 00:04:44,075 --> 00:04:46,785 Tonight, we pass around Stifler's mom, 98 00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:49,621 and in the morning, it's off to die quick in Vietnam. 99 00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:51,790 Peter, I think you're getting your movies mixed up. 100 00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:53,667 Attention, students. 101 00:04:53,668 --> 00:04:56,920 It's time to announce this year's prom king and queen. 102 00:04:56,921 --> 00:04:58,422 Natalee Holloway! 103 00:04:58,423 --> 00:05:00,966 Now, now. 104 00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,634 And the winners are... 105 00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:06,389 Connie D'Amico and "Kermit Legs" Kyle! 106 00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:10,893 Ah, so close. 107 00:05:11,894 --> 00:05:13,228 Hello, gorgeous. 108 00:05:13,229 --> 00:05:15,480 - How old are you? - 18. 109 00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:17,149 All right, and I just recorded you saying that. 110 00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:19,609 And hi. I am Glenn Quagmire. 111 00:05:19,610 --> 00:05:21,278 Courtney. Nice to meet you. 112 00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:23,655 You don't look like you're in high school. 113 00:05:23,656 --> 00:05:26,575 I got held back. You like getting held back? 114 00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:28,994 Sometimes. 115 00:05:32,874 --> 00:05:34,416 All right, youngins. 116 00:05:34,417 --> 00:05:36,918 I dragged this piece of dirty cardboard in from the alley 117 00:05:36,919 --> 00:05:39,296 to show y'all how to get down. 118 00:05:39,297 --> 00:05:41,257 Peter! Let's boogie! 119 00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:47,804 ♪ Ho! Ho! ♪ 120 00:05:47,805 --> 00:05:49,807 ♪ ♪ 121 00:06:14,165 --> 00:06:16,458 Aah! There was a staple in the box! 122 00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:18,585 Where's the nurse's office? 123 00:06:18,586 --> 00:06:21,046 Hey, you want to get out of here? 124 00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:23,298 Yeah. Let's go. 125 00:06:23,299 --> 00:06:25,092 You take requests? 126 00:06:25,093 --> 00:06:27,302 What are you looking for? 127 00:06:27,303 --> 00:06:29,221 ♪ A-hunga, hunga, hunga, hunga... ♪ 128 00:06:31,307 --> 00:06:34,226 ♪ It's been one week since you looked at me ♪ 129 00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:36,853 ♪ Cocked your head to the side and said I'm angry ♪ 130 00:06:36,854 --> 00:06:38,980 ♪ Five days since you laughed at me... ♪ 131 00:06:38,981 --> 00:06:41,776 -I know all the lyrics. I just don't know them fast! -♪ Three days... ♪ 132 00:06:44,403 --> 00:06:47,197 - And initial here. - What is all this? 133 00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:49,032 Oh, these just say if anything should happen to you, 134 00:06:49,033 --> 00:06:50,408 I'm not responsible, blah-blah-blah. 135 00:06:50,409 --> 00:06:52,202 I'm-I'm just boring myself. 136 00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:54,371 I had a lot of fun with you tonight, Courtney. 137 00:06:54,372 --> 00:06:56,331 Me too. 138 00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:58,125 Oh, Courtney. 139 00:06:58,126 --> 00:06:59,459 Oh, Glenn. 140 00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:02,003 Oh, oh, giggity! 141 00:07:02,004 --> 00:07:05,382 Wait. Did you just say "giggity"? 142 00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:06,800 Yeah. Sorry. 143 00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:09,427 Sometimes I just blurt that out when I get excited. 144 00:07:09,428 --> 00:07:11,222 Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 145 00:07:14,809 --> 00:07:17,561 Here. Rub this up and down on the inside of your cheek. 146 00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:19,564 - Giggity. - Aah! Stop saying that! 147 00:07:25,903 --> 00:07:27,737 What is it, Glenn? What's wrong? 148 00:07:27,738 --> 00:07:30,949 You're... you're my daughter! 149 00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:32,242 Oh, my God! 150 00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:33,827 Wow. 151 00:07:33,828 --> 00:07:36,746 I guess this means I have a phone call to make. 152 00:07:36,747 --> 00:07:38,456 Hey, it's Glenn Quagmire. 153 00:07:38,457 --> 00:07:41,126 Would you tell Andrew that he is not the father? 154 00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:44,171 Andrew, you are not the father. 155 00:08:01,272 --> 00:08:04,274 Courtney, there's something I just got to ask. 156 00:08:04,275 --> 00:08:06,193 What the heck was the theme of that dance? 157 00:08:06,194 --> 00:08:07,611 What do you mean? 158 00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:10,155 I mean, like, there was palm trees like it was Hawaii, 159 00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:12,449 but then there was a suit of armor in the corner. 160 00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:14,826 There was a big banner w-with fish on it. 161 00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:17,370 Can we get back to the fact that you're my dad? 162 00:08:17,371 --> 00:08:19,664 Yeah, you're right. I'm-I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 163 00:08:20,429 --> 00:08:23,556 Well, let me ask. What's up with your mom? 164 00:08:23,557 --> 00:08:25,809 Actually, I never knew my mom. 165 00:08:25,810 --> 00:08:28,853 I was hoping that you could tell me about her. 166 00:08:28,854 --> 00:08:31,439 Uh... of course I can. 167 00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:32,941 Your mom... 168 00:08:32,942 --> 00:08:36,611 your mom... was really... 169 00:08:36,612 --> 00:08:38,822 thing hanging on the bulletin board behind you. 170 00:08:38,823 --> 00:08:41,533 That's so nice to hear. Tell me more. 171 00:08:41,534 --> 00:08:44,995 Oh, gosh, she was, she was just so... 172 00:08:44,996 --> 00:08:46,621 word on the bottom of your coffee cup. 173 00:08:46,622 --> 00:08:49,290 I always knew she would be! What else? 174 00:08:49,291 --> 00:08:51,835 I just have some great memories of her... 175 00:08:51,836 --> 00:08:53,795 numbers to call in case of emergency 176 00:08:53,796 --> 00:08:55,505 or accidental poisoning. 177 00:08:55,506 --> 00:08:58,591 It's like she's here with us right now. 178 00:08:58,592 --> 00:09:01,261 So you don't know your mom? Who do you live with? 179 00:09:01,262 --> 00:09:03,138 Well, right now I'm on a futon 180 00:09:03,139 --> 00:09:04,889 in the rafters of my friend's garage. 181 00:09:04,890 --> 00:09:07,100 Oh! Actually, I better get going. 182 00:09:07,101 --> 00:09:09,602 I have to feed their ferrets. They breed them. 183 00:09:09,603 --> 00:09:11,980 It's pretty terrifying. 184 00:09:11,981 --> 00:09:15,025 Anyway, thank you so much for being so nice, 185 00:09:15,026 --> 00:09:17,527 and let's talk soon? 186 00:09:17,528 --> 00:09:19,779 Wait, hold on. You can't live in a ferret garage. 187 00:09:19,780 --> 00:09:20,822 You need a home. 188 00:09:20,823 --> 00:09:23,616 You know, you could move in here. 189 00:09:23,617 --> 00:09:26,161 I have an extra bedroom, and the bed has a bunch 190 00:09:26,162 --> 00:09:28,079 of different-sized pillows on it. 191 00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:30,874 Hmm. I do love dealing with those pillows every day, 192 00:09:30,875 --> 00:09:32,459 but are you sure? 193 00:09:32,460 --> 00:09:34,419 I don't want to be a burden. 194 00:09:34,420 --> 00:09:37,380 No, it's no problem. Hey, you're my daughter. 195 00:09:37,381 --> 00:09:39,549 I want to make sure you have everything you need. 196 00:09:39,550 --> 00:09:42,343 Thanks. That's sweet. 197 00:09:42,344 --> 00:09:46,014 Um... okay! Yeah. I'll move in. 198 00:09:46,015 --> 00:09:47,474 That's huge for me. 199 00:09:47,475 --> 00:09:49,893 Hey, is that an Instant Pot? 200 00:09:49,894 --> 00:09:52,395 - No, it's a Crock-Pot. - You got to get an Instant Pot. 201 00:09:52,396 --> 00:09:54,647 You can make short ribs in it. It falls right off... 202 00:09:54,648 --> 00:09:56,149 Yeah, yeah, falls right off the bone. I know. 203 00:09:56,150 --> 00:09:57,650 I've had this conversation five times. 204 00:09:57,651 --> 00:09:59,319 Hey, Quagmire. 205 00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:01,529 I hear you're considering an Instant Pot. 206 00:10:01,530 --> 00:10:03,990 Courtney, that's Joe, my neighbor. 207 00:10:03,991 --> 00:10:07,203 Hey, Courtney. You getting this guy on board? 208 00:10:10,372 --> 00:10:13,208 So, I think I had a wet nightmare last night. 209 00:10:13,209 --> 00:10:14,918 Is that possible? 210 00:10:14,919 --> 00:10:17,629 - Hello, fellow daddios. - Did you bang your kid yet? 211 00:10:17,630 --> 00:10:20,548 Okay, Peter, can I talk to you for a second? 212 00:10:20,549 --> 00:10:23,593 I'm sorry, but I am not going to stand for any misogyny. 213 00:10:23,594 --> 00:10:25,470 Stop acting like a Neanderthal pig. 214 00:10:25,471 --> 00:10:27,388 Those sound scary. 215 00:10:27,389 --> 00:10:29,599 What were you two ladies talking about? 216 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:31,976 Joe, can I talk to you for a second? 217 00:10:31,977 --> 00:10:35,146 It's 2019. Time-tested jokes like that 218 00:10:35,147 --> 00:10:37,190 are now offensive and not funny at all. 219 00:10:37,191 --> 00:10:39,943 Okay, I got to go. 220 00:10:39,944 --> 00:10:42,237 I'm taking Courtney to her first WNBA game. 221 00:10:42,238 --> 00:10:44,197 I got courtside seats. 222 00:10:44,198 --> 00:10:46,574 They're way in the back, but I'm sitting next to Courtney. 223 00:10:46,575 --> 00:10:48,952 I-I got dad jokes now. 224 00:10:48,953 --> 00:10:51,162 See you, friends. 225 00:10:51,163 --> 00:10:52,831 Yes, 911? 226 00:10:52,832 --> 00:10:55,375 Someone has stolen the old Quagmire 227 00:10:55,376 --> 00:10:59,212 and replaced him with a respectable man. 228 00:10:59,213 --> 00:11:01,714 Sir, this line is reserved for emergencies only. 229 00:11:01,715 --> 00:11:03,258 Please end your clammy joke. 230 00:11:03,259 --> 00:11:05,010 Okay. Sorry. 231 00:11:06,502 --> 00:11:10,502 For subtitling services, contatct: waqas.zahoor89@gmail.com 232 00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:14,857 - You remember what I told you? - I'm the best around. 233 00:11:14,858 --> 00:11:16,525 Nothing's gonna ever keep me down. 234 00:11:16,526 --> 00:11:18,981 That's right. I made that up. Now go get 'em, kiddo. 235 00:11:18,983 --> 00:11:20,943 I'll be watching with the other moms. 236 00:11:23,237 --> 00:11:25,530 Here's all the usual suspects. 237 00:11:25,531 --> 00:11:27,824 Oh, you're doing a video. 238 00:11:27,825 --> 00:11:31,286 Turn it... G-Get it off. Glenn, I look terrible. 239 00:11:31,287 --> 00:11:33,330 Glenn, Courtney's up! 240 00:11:33,331 --> 00:11:35,624 Okay, okay, here we go. Please. 241 00:11:35,625 --> 00:11:37,502 Let's go, Courtney! 242 00:11:43,424 --> 00:11:45,718 Ah, perfect! That's a ten! 243 00:11:47,553 --> 00:11:50,889 9.2? 9.2?! 244 00:11:50,890 --> 00:11:52,350 9.2?! 245 00:11:55,686 --> 00:11:57,355 9.2?! 246 00:12:03,444 --> 00:12:06,738 9.2?! I'll give you a 9.2. 247 00:12:06,739 --> 00:12:07,740 On the Richter scale! 248 00:12:08,824 --> 00:12:10,575 Courtney, let's go. 249 00:12:10,576 --> 00:12:13,286 I get to go again. We do it twice. 250 00:12:13,287 --> 00:12:15,164 Oh. 251 00:12:28,344 --> 00:12:30,555 Let's go, Courtney. 252 00:12:33,391 --> 00:12:35,141 So, you liking Take Your Daughter to Work Day? 253 00:12:35,142 --> 00:12:36,643 Uh, yeah! 254 00:12:36,644 --> 00:12:39,396 I can't believe my dad knows how to fly this thing. 255 00:12:39,397 --> 00:12:42,440 - You want to try? - Me? I don't know. 256 00:12:42,441 --> 00:12:43,650 Come on, it's easy. 257 00:12:43,651 --> 00:12:45,318 You don't even need a college degree, 258 00:12:45,319 --> 00:12:48,155 which is a very scary true fact. Go ahead. 259 00:12:50,157 --> 00:12:51,575 You're doing great. Now roll it. 260 00:12:51,576 --> 00:12:53,660 What? No way. 261 00:12:53,661 --> 00:12:56,496 Don't worry, you're a Quagmire. It's in your blood. 262 00:12:56,497 --> 00:12:58,624 - Grip it and rip it. - Okay. 263 00:13:00,793 --> 00:13:03,753 Attagirl. Perfect. 264 00:13:03,754 --> 00:13:05,505 N-No. No, no. We're not doing that. 265 00:13:05,506 --> 00:13:07,924 I got my daughter with me today, you perverts. 266 00:13:07,925 --> 00:13:09,384 He's not doing it today. 267 00:13:09,385 --> 00:13:11,261 - Aw, shoot. - Another time. 268 00:13:11,262 --> 00:13:12,763 Probably got his kid with him. 269 00:13:16,517 --> 00:13:19,060 I'm glad you guys could finally come over for dinner. 270 00:13:19,061 --> 00:13:20,854 Sure thing, Lois. Thanks for having us. 271 00:13:20,855 --> 00:13:23,940 See, Meg? That's a thigh gap. 272 00:13:23,941 --> 00:13:26,568 Now, Courtney, I'd like to awkwardly introduce you 273 00:13:26,569 --> 00:13:27,986 to someone your own age. 274 00:13:27,987 --> 00:13:29,571 Courtney, this is Megan. 275 00:13:29,572 --> 00:13:31,156 Maybe you listen to the same music. 276 00:13:31,157 --> 00:13:32,407 - Hey. - Hey. 277 00:13:32,408 --> 00:13:33,617 Yo, Courtney, what's your Instagram? 278 00:13:33,618 --> 00:13:34,909 I just got on there 279 00:13:34,910 --> 00:13:36,620 and need some interesting peeps to follow. 280 00:13:36,621 --> 00:13:38,872 Oh, you'll have to ask my dad. 281 00:13:38,873 --> 00:13:40,999 He approves all my follow requests. 282 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:43,877 Denied! Nice try, ass. 283 00:13:43,878 --> 00:13:46,212 Hey, have you guys seen the Wonder Woman film? 284 00:13:46,213 --> 00:13:48,048 - Yeah, no. - Oh, you have to. 285 00:13:48,049 --> 00:13:49,174 It's a triumph. 286 00:13:49,175 --> 00:13:50,925 Courts and I have seen it five times. 287 00:13:50,926 --> 00:13:52,719 It's an important movie, Peter. 288 00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:55,180 You should watch it with Meg. It's a masterwork. 289 00:13:55,181 --> 00:13:57,015 Oh, I've been wanting to see that. 290 00:13:57,016 --> 00:13:58,476 Okay, we totally will. 291 00:14:00,770 --> 00:14:01,978 Hey, Dad, I just checked the weather, 292 00:14:01,979 --> 00:14:04,814 and it looks like sunny skies all weekend. 293 00:14:04,815 --> 00:14:07,400 - You guys have big plans? - Yeah, we're going camping. 294 00:14:07,401 --> 00:14:09,778 Hey, you and Meg should come with us, Peter. 295 00:14:09,779 --> 00:14:12,322 We'll make it a father-daughter bonding weekend. 296 00:14:12,323 --> 00:14:15,492 - Oh, that's a great idea. - Yeah, let's go, Dad. 297 00:14:15,493 --> 00:14:17,702 Y-You know who you should take instead of me? 298 00:14:17,703 --> 00:14:20,205 Uh, Stewie or-or Chris or Brian. 299 00:14:20,206 --> 00:14:21,539 May-Maybe Lois. 300 00:14:21,540 --> 00:14:23,708 Or Seamus is fun. 301 00:14:23,709 --> 00:14:25,752 Carter Pewterschmidt, Babs Pewterschmidt, 302 00:14:25,753 --> 00:14:27,962 Bonnie, Joe, their son Kevin, 303 00:14:27,963 --> 00:14:30,590 Cleveland, Jerome, Bruce, Opie, Carl, 304 00:14:30,591 --> 00:14:33,468 the "phony" guy, the ostrich, Al Harrington, 305 00:14:33,469 --> 00:14:37,138 Billy Finn, John Travolta from one of our cutaways, 306 00:14:37,139 --> 00:14:39,974 uh, all of our characters as Star Wars characters, 307 00:14:39,975 --> 00:14:41,768 everybody from The Cleveland Show, 308 00:14:41,769 --> 00:14:43,228 Cherry Chevapravatdumrong-- 309 00:14:43,229 --> 00:14:44,854 that's how that name is pronounced-- 310 00:14:44,855 --> 00:14:46,981 the Orville-- the ship, not the cast-- 311 00:14:46,982 --> 00:14:49,609 um, me... Aw, damn it! 312 00:14:49,610 --> 00:14:51,361 Okay, fine. I'll go. 313 00:14:51,362 --> 00:14:52,529 - Thank you. - Cool. 314 00:14:52,530 --> 00:14:55,240 I heard my name, too. I'm in! 315 00:14:55,241 --> 00:14:57,909 No? I'll drive, buy snacks? 316 00:14:57,910 --> 00:14:59,661 No? Okay. 317 00:14:59,662 --> 00:15:01,872 Everyone else is out here, too. 318 00:15:10,089 --> 00:15:12,757 Oh, my God, it's literally everyone. 319 00:15:12,758 --> 00:15:15,844 That can only mean... show ghosts! 320 00:15:15,845 --> 00:15:17,847 ♪ ♪ 321 00:15:30,067 --> 00:15:32,069 ♪ ♪ 322 00:15:39,702 --> 00:15:41,828 I'm really glad you decided to bring Meg 323 00:15:41,829 --> 00:15:44,122 on this camping trip, Peter. It's gonna be great. 324 00:15:44,123 --> 00:15:46,709 -Because we're in the... -Because we're in the great outdoors. 325 00:15:49,211 --> 00:15:50,837 Ah. 326 00:15:50,838 --> 00:15:53,339 You don't get air like this back in Quahog, do you, Pete? 327 00:15:53,340 --> 00:15:55,884 Uh, I don't know. Some places, probably. 328 00:15:55,885 --> 00:15:59,721 Hoo-ah! Gosh, being in nature gives me such great energy. 329 00:15:59,722 --> 00:16:01,973 Hey, Courtney, you ever see a yellow-headed warbler? 330 00:16:01,974 --> 00:16:04,309 That's the only warbler I haven't seen. 331 00:16:04,310 --> 00:16:05,894 Not for long it's not. 332 00:16:07,646 --> 00:16:09,606 Don't answer that. 333 00:16:09,607 --> 00:16:11,649 We're eating. 334 00:16:11,650 --> 00:16:12,901 They're probably eating. 335 00:16:12,902 --> 00:16:14,736 Okay, we're gonna have a fun camp competition. 336 00:16:14,737 --> 00:16:17,113 And the first event, worth five points, 337 00:16:17,114 --> 00:16:19,240 is a race down to the lake right now! 338 00:16:19,241 --> 00:16:21,201 Last one there is a stinky poo-poo egg! 339 00:16:21,202 --> 00:16:22,827 Come on, Dad! 340 00:16:22,828 --> 00:16:26,456 What Meg didn't know, what none of them knew, 341 00:16:26,457 --> 00:16:28,333 is that I already was 342 00:16:28,334 --> 00:16:30,669 a stinky poo-poo egg. 343 00:16:34,173 --> 00:16:36,299 Boy, you don't get stars like this 344 00:16:36,300 --> 00:16:37,717 back in Quahog, do you, Pete? 345 00:16:37,718 --> 00:16:39,010 Stop calling me Pete. 346 00:16:39,011 --> 00:16:41,596 I know what'll cheer you up. Skits! 347 00:16:41,597 --> 00:16:43,723 ♪ Skits, skits, skits, skits ♪ 348 00:16:43,724 --> 00:16:45,850 ♪ Skits, skits, skits, skits ♪ 349 00:16:45,851 --> 00:16:47,936 ♪ Skits-skits-skits-skits, skits-skits ♪ 350 00:16:47,937 --> 00:16:49,480 ♪ Skits! ♪ 351 00:16:53,442 --> 00:16:56,195 Well, isn't this a perfect bench for a sit. 352 00:16:57,947 --> 00:17:00,573 Say, Dad, what are you doing? 353 00:17:00,574 --> 00:17:02,575 Oh, just sitting on the invisible bench, 354 00:17:02,576 --> 00:17:05,161 reading about those North Korea jokesters. 355 00:17:05,162 --> 00:17:08,957 But, Dad, they moved the invisible bench last week. 356 00:17:08,958 --> 00:17:10,876 Oh. It's over there now. 357 00:17:12,127 --> 00:17:13,920 Whoa! 358 00:17:16,924 --> 00:17:19,969 Ladies and gentlemen, "The Invisible Bench" skit. 359 00:17:21,303 --> 00:17:22,637 Peter, you're up. 360 00:17:22,638 --> 00:17:25,974 Okay, here's one. I call it "The Invisible Noose." 361 00:17:25,975 --> 00:17:27,976 First, I throw a rope over this tree limb, 362 00:17:27,977 --> 00:17:29,477 put the noose around my neck. 363 00:17:29,478 --> 00:17:31,563 Now I'll just step onto this rock 364 00:17:31,564 --> 00:17:34,233 and jump off into the sweet relief of death. 365 00:17:38,487 --> 00:17:40,947 Peter, would you mind flattening your rod? 366 00:17:40,948 --> 00:17:43,741 Fine. I'll Tootsie it between my thighs. 367 00:17:43,742 --> 00:17:46,912 Yeah, okay, whatever gets it away from my daughter's face. 368 00:17:52,209 --> 00:17:54,419 Are you eating an apple with a knife? 369 00:17:54,420 --> 00:17:56,296 God, that's always so forced. 370 00:17:56,297 --> 00:17:58,882 Hold on. We've been here already. 371 00:17:58,883 --> 00:18:00,758 Yeah, she's right. 372 00:18:00,759 --> 00:18:02,761 That's where I graffitied that rock. 373 00:18:05,264 --> 00:18:08,016 We've changed our minds. We're going on record. 374 00:18:08,017 --> 00:18:09,434 We're not lost, all right? 375 00:18:09,435 --> 00:18:11,311 We're just two dads bonding with our daughters, 376 00:18:11,312 --> 00:18:13,396 and getting lost is not part of the plan. 377 00:18:13,397 --> 00:18:14,439 All right, nobody panic. 378 00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:15,773 We just need to get our bearings. 379 00:18:15,774 --> 00:18:17,025 Hey, here comes a hiker. 380 00:18:17,026 --> 00:18:19,193 Excuse me, sir, we're lost. 381 00:18:19,194 --> 00:18:21,779 Ha! Then you must be my car keys, right? 382 00:18:21,780 --> 00:18:24,574 It is so nice to get out of the city 383 00:18:24,575 --> 00:18:26,409 and meet friendly people. 384 00:18:26,410 --> 00:18:28,745 You're not helping, Dad. As usual. 385 00:18:28,746 --> 00:18:30,580 Well, at least I didn't get us lost. 386 00:18:30,581 --> 00:18:34,042 We're not lost! We're just... two dads in the woods, 387 00:18:34,043 --> 00:18:36,669 who love our daughters very, very much. 388 00:18:36,670 --> 00:18:39,380 Okay, so maybe it's not the life we chose. 389 00:18:39,381 --> 00:18:41,883 Well, you chose it. I didn't. That's for damn sure! 390 00:18:41,884 --> 00:18:43,509 - Dad, will you help him? - Shh. 391 00:18:43,510 --> 00:18:45,428 I've been waiting for this. I knew it was fake. 392 00:18:45,429 --> 00:18:47,180 Dad, I'm sorry. I didn't... 393 00:18:47,181 --> 00:18:49,307 I'm not Dad! I'm Quagmire! 394 00:18:49,308 --> 00:18:50,725 Glenn Quagmire! 395 00:18:50,726 --> 00:18:52,185 Giggity giggity! 396 00:18:52,186 --> 00:18:54,395 I don't want to be out here! I hate camping! 397 00:18:54,396 --> 00:18:56,606 And what the hell was the theme of that stupid prom?! 398 00:18:56,607 --> 00:18:58,608 All the cups said, "Oh, What a Night!" 399 00:18:58,609 --> 00:19:00,902 I mean, if it was, "Oh, What a Knight" with a "K," 400 00:19:00,903 --> 00:19:02,070 that would've made some sense, 401 00:19:02,071 --> 00:19:03,655 'cause there was a suit of armor there. 402 00:19:03,656 --> 00:19:05,782 What was that about? Answer me! 403 00:19:05,783 --> 00:19:08,576 I-I think it's possible to overthink these things. 404 00:19:08,577 --> 00:19:10,161 Ugh, what a mish-mosh. 405 00:19:10,162 --> 00:19:11,871 Damn it, I just want to be home, 406 00:19:11,872 --> 00:19:14,540 not here, lost in the woods, looking at this stupid map 407 00:19:14,541 --> 00:19:16,292 with a magnifying glass. 408 00:19:16,293 --> 00:19:17,419 Aah! 409 00:19:18,504 --> 00:19:20,506 ♪ ♪ 410 00:19:24,843 --> 00:19:27,095 Oh, my God. What are we gonna do? 411 00:19:27,096 --> 00:19:28,304 I don't know. 412 00:19:28,305 --> 00:19:30,932 - Help! - Dear God, someone help us! 413 00:19:30,933 --> 00:19:32,934 You know when this would never happen? 414 00:19:32,935 --> 00:19:34,936 If I was sitting on the couch, watching TV, 415 00:19:34,937 --> 00:19:37,063 ignoring you completely. 416 00:19:37,064 --> 00:19:39,983 Courtney, I'm sorry for what I said earlier. 417 00:19:39,984 --> 00:19:42,610 You mean when you completely ripped my school dance theme? 418 00:19:42,611 --> 00:19:44,487 No, no, there was no theme to rip. 419 00:19:44,488 --> 00:19:46,531 That's the point. I stand by all of that. 420 00:19:46,906 --> 00:19:48,490 If anything, I'm more angry. 421 00:19:48,491 --> 00:19:50,450 No, I'm-I'm talking about being your father 422 00:19:50,451 --> 00:19:51,993 before I was ready. 423 00:19:51,994 --> 00:19:54,788 I promise, if we make it out of here, 424 00:19:54,789 --> 00:19:56,539 we can start again. 425 00:19:56,540 --> 00:19:58,959 - Deal? - Deal. 426 00:20:06,092 --> 00:20:07,717 9/11! 427 00:20:07,718 --> 00:20:09,928 Boston Strong! 428 00:20:09,929 --> 00:20:11,554 Oh, it's Smitty. 429 00:20:11,555 --> 00:20:13,014 We're saved! 430 00:20:13,015 --> 00:20:15,183 But we should warn the birds the fire's coming. 431 00:20:16,727 --> 00:20:20,271 All right, stay calm. 432 00:20:20,272 --> 00:20:23,693 Grab the pictures. I'll get your mother's ashes. 433 00:20:28,697 --> 00:20:31,783 Wow, Peter, that was a close call with that fire, 434 00:20:31,784 --> 00:20:34,452 but I'm glad you all made it back safe and sound. 435 00:20:34,453 --> 00:20:35,787 Yeah, me, too. 436 00:20:35,788 --> 00:20:37,163 What the hell? 437 00:20:37,164 --> 00:20:38,873 Oh, I hope it's okay. 438 00:20:38,874 --> 00:20:40,959 I bought some more pillows. 439 00:20:44,255 --> 00:20:47,298 I mean, what is the deal with women and pillows? 440 00:20:47,299 --> 00:20:48,800 Has-has anyone else noticed this? 441 00:20:48,801 --> 00:20:50,718 No. 442 00:20:50,719 --> 00:20:54,639 No one? But I-I got three minutes of material on pillows. 443 00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:56,684 We don't want to hear it. 444 00:21:33,220 --> 00:21:35,181 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 444 00:21:36,305 --> 00:21:42,760 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 32601

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