All language subtitles for Mrs Parker and the Vicious Circle-1994

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:23,839 --> 00:01:28,120 Into love and out again, 2 00:01:28,293 --> 00:01:31,671 thus I went, and thus I go. 3 00:01:35,814 --> 00:01:39,186 Spare your voice, and hold your pen... 4 00:01:39,383 --> 00:01:42,344 Well and bitterly I know. 5 00:01:42,432 --> 00:01:45,243 All the songs were ever sung, 6 00:01:45,448 --> 00:01:48,882 all the words were ever said... 7 00:01:49,855 --> 00:01:52,134 Could it be, when I was young, 8 00:01:52,159 --> 00:01:55,162 some one dropped me on my head? 9 00:02:12,421 --> 00:02:16,877 Oh, I'm rather glad that you caught me like this, 10 00:02:16,902 --> 00:02:18,906 because it gives me an opportunity 11 00:02:18,931 --> 00:02:19,931 to give you a little talk 12 00:02:19,955 --> 00:02:22,288 on the art of making motion pictures 13 00:02:22,313 --> 00:02:24,359 in your own home. 14 00:02:24,652 --> 00:02:28,431 Of course, you all know that you can... 15 00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:35,412 ...that you can make motion pictures 16 00:02:35,437 --> 00:02:36,774 in your own home. 17 00:02:36,816 --> 00:02:40,801 All you need to have is a home 18 00:02:41,121 --> 00:02:46,951 and a small camera like this... somewhere. 19 00:02:46,976 --> 00:02:50,515 And quite a lot of film, as you see. 20 00:02:50,540 --> 00:02:52,498 Oh, well. Never mind. 21 00:02:52,523 --> 00:02:54,370 Now with these essentials, 22 00:02:54,450 --> 00:02:56,510 you can take pictures of any interesting events 23 00:02:56,535 --> 00:02:59,302 that may happen in your own household. 24 00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:00,940 If any interesting events ever do happen 25 00:03:00,964 --> 00:03:02,430 in your own household. 26 00:03:02,522 --> 00:03:05,526 And you can make a record of all trips 27 00:03:05,931 --> 00:03:07,612 and of the progress of the children 28 00:03:07,637 --> 00:03:09,172 down the path of life. 29 00:03:09,399 --> 00:03:11,965 And you can also entertain your friends 30 00:03:11,990 --> 00:03:13,201 into the bargain. 31 00:03:14,225 --> 00:03:16,759 Now the other night, we had a party of friends in for dinner. 32 00:03:16,784 --> 00:03:20,724 And after dinner, instead of going out on the town, 33 00:03:20,749 --> 00:03:22,107 as they say, 34 00:03:22,149 --> 00:03:25,240 or settling down for a dull game of bridge... 35 00:03:25,265 --> 00:03:25,949 Cut! 36 00:03:25,974 --> 00:03:28,105 Wonderful Bob. The rest of this is voice-over. 37 00:03:29,823 --> 00:03:31,646 Thank you, everyone! An early lunch today! 38 00:03:31,671 --> 00:03:34,494 Let's be back in one hour, please. 39 00:03:34,535 --> 00:03:36,787 Try to be back in one hour. 40 00:03:37,922 --> 00:03:39,682 Bob, we'll be in the living room after lunch. 41 00:03:39,707 --> 00:03:40,707 How are you feeling, Bob? 42 00:03:40,731 --> 00:03:42,530 I'm fine. Just hurting inside. 43 00:03:42,574 --> 00:03:44,785 The top one's a corker. 44 00:03:49,973 --> 00:03:52,510 Look at that. The higher authority. 45 00:04:01,377 --> 00:04:02,488 If it comes through, 46 00:04:02,522 --> 00:04:03,882 it'll be the first ever nomination. 47 00:04:03,906 --> 00:04:05,054 For a husband-and-wife team. 48 00:04:05,079 --> 00:04:06,119 Did you hear that darling? 49 00:04:06,144 --> 00:04:08,984 We could be the first husband-and-wife team ever nominated for an Oscar. 50 00:04:09,008 --> 00:04:11,303 Oh shit. Now I'll have to see the picture. 51 00:04:11,328 --> 00:04:14,554 Mr. Selznick should know by this afternoon. 52 00:04:15,278 --> 00:04:16,625 Bob! 53 00:04:16,938 --> 00:04:18,714 Alan, how are you? 54 00:04:18,818 --> 00:04:20,818 It's good to see you. 55 00:04:20,843 --> 00:04:22,183 Oh, Mrs. Parker. 56 00:04:22,208 --> 00:04:23,956 Mr. Benchley. 57 00:04:25,778 --> 00:04:27,154 Oh, Bob, you look terrific. 58 00:04:27,179 --> 00:04:28,843 Oh well, when I dress up, 59 00:04:28,868 --> 00:04:31,057 I still manage to look like a house detective. 60 00:04:31,191 --> 00:04:32,650 It's the tie. 61 00:04:32,846 --> 00:04:34,847 Listen, you must come up to Roxbury drive. 62 00:04:34,872 --> 00:04:36,943 I'll whip up some tomato curry with spring lamb. 63 00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:37,854 That will be fine. 64 00:04:37,879 --> 00:04:41,018 Alan enjoys whipping young lambs. 65 00:04:41,751 --> 00:04:42,570 Darling. 66 00:04:43,207 --> 00:04:44,679 Well, great to see you, Bob. 67 00:04:44,769 --> 00:04:46,854 Darling, I'll prepare them for our scene. 68 00:04:47,475 --> 00:04:49,154 We did a little fix for Goldwyn. 69 00:04:49,216 --> 00:04:50,797 He told us people want a happy ending. 70 00:04:50,829 --> 00:04:52,595 Dorothy reminded him that in all history, 71 00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:54,704 no single person ever had such a thing. 72 00:04:55,193 --> 00:04:57,696 Goldwyn doesn't know what she's talking about. 73 00:05:01,624 --> 00:05:04,184 You must tell me the moment you know. 74 00:05:04,743 --> 00:05:07,347 He can be such a Fawn's ass. 75 00:05:08,538 --> 00:05:11,930 Well, Mrs. Parker, Goldwyn. 76 00:05:12,064 --> 00:05:13,321 Mr. Benchley, out here, 77 00:05:13,346 --> 00:05:16,223 the streets are paved with Goldwyn. 78 00:05:16,281 --> 00:05:18,563 Careful, man. Stepped in something. 79 00:05:18,637 --> 00:05:20,906 Little art going by. 80 00:05:22,773 --> 00:05:24,509 I'm seeing Don Stewart tonight. 81 00:05:24,743 --> 00:05:26,560 We're going to go out for a hot-fudge gin. 82 00:05:26,585 --> 00:05:27,650 Donny needs a break. 83 00:05:27,675 --> 00:05:30,934 From his leagues and guilds and Soviets. 84 00:05:30,959 --> 00:05:33,306 Union is a five-letter word, Mr. Benchley. 85 00:05:33,331 --> 00:05:34,567 What do you know about that? 86 00:05:34,592 --> 00:05:35,904 And I expect to see you 87 00:05:35,929 --> 00:05:37,410 at the writers' fund raiser. 88 00:05:37,435 --> 00:05:39,114 Oh, you sent me that little card. 89 00:05:39,139 --> 00:05:40,699 I couldn't make it out with the red ink. 90 00:05:40,723 --> 00:05:42,274 On the first. 91 00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:44,523 I promised Gertrude and the boys 92 00:05:44,576 --> 00:05:46,671 I'd launch the big Benchley expedition that weekend. 93 00:05:46,696 --> 00:05:47,586 These are not the days 94 00:05:47,611 --> 00:05:49,405 for timid, selfish little things. 95 00:05:49,430 --> 00:05:51,538 Mrs. Parker, it's no small affair, 96 00:05:51,623 --> 00:05:53,041 getting all those people... 97 00:05:53,066 --> 00:05:56,736 Years I've wasted being a party girl and smartass. 98 00:05:56,761 --> 00:05:59,442 You were a pretty smart party gi... 99 00:05:59,467 --> 00:06:00,668 Ass. 100 00:06:01,253 --> 00:06:02,427 Ready for you on the set. 101 00:06:02,452 --> 00:06:04,412 Bit of a party girl myself. 102 00:06:05,436 --> 00:06:07,627 Visiting hours are over, Mr. Benchley. 103 00:06:07,782 --> 00:06:10,410 Let's do it again sometime soon, Mrs. Parker. 104 00:06:10,986 --> 00:06:12,806 You'll find us next door to Caligula. 105 00:06:12,831 --> 00:06:14,666 Oh, does that hurt? 106 00:06:16,368 --> 00:06:18,251 Must have been so colorful in the twenties. 107 00:06:18,276 --> 00:06:20,628 Was it? I barely remember. 108 00:06:32,284 --> 00:06:33,606 So many famous writers 109 00:06:33,631 --> 00:06:35,851 are from the Algonquin roundtable, Mrs. Parker. 110 00:06:35,876 --> 00:06:38,061 Ah, but no real giants. 111 00:06:38,086 --> 00:06:40,249 Just a bunch of loudmouths showing off, 112 00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:42,612 writing it up in their columns the next day. 113 00:06:42,704 --> 00:06:45,135 It's no mermaid tavern, I promise you that. 114 00:06:45,182 --> 00:06:47,902 Will you get me a cup of coffee, dear? 115 00:06:48,299 --> 00:06:49,449 They love it, darling. 116 00:06:49,474 --> 00:06:52,042 They love our new ending. 117 00:06:52,052 --> 00:06:54,271 Brilliant scene, Dottie. Alan. 118 00:06:54,302 --> 00:06:55,991 Thank you, Farleigh. 119 00:06:56,052 --> 00:06:57,553 So, how was Bob? 120 00:06:57,915 --> 00:06:59,467 It's so silly. We're all out here, 121 00:06:59,492 --> 00:07:00,605 and we never see him. 122 00:07:00,630 --> 00:07:03,728 Alan, Mr. Benchley has sold out to Hollywood. 123 00:07:03,850 --> 00:07:04,969 Really? 124 00:07:04,994 --> 00:07:07,580 A perfect happy-ending scene, Dottie. 125 00:07:07,605 --> 00:07:08,981 Bravo. 126 00:07:09,152 --> 00:07:11,254 How very kind of you, Seymour... 127 00:07:11,303 --> 00:07:13,426 You monumental shit. 128 00:07:13,451 --> 00:07:15,575 Darling, please don't use that word. 129 00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:19,504 Well, sorry, you monumental shit. 130 00:07:20,004 --> 00:07:21,077 Alan. 131 00:07:21,452 --> 00:07:22,522 Yes. 132 00:07:22,547 --> 00:07:24,923 Veronica, make your heart sing! 133 00:07:24,948 --> 00:07:26,535 Just put it on the floor, dear. 134 00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:28,557 And action! 135 00:07:29,751 --> 00:07:32,811 I came in such a hurry, my heart is still pounding. 136 00:07:32,836 --> 00:07:37,216 And I thought it was Valentine's day. 137 00:07:44,927 --> 00:07:48,390 I suppose it was colorful. 138 00:07:51,031 --> 00:07:52,032 Cut! 139 00:08:23,899 --> 00:08:24,690 Ahem. 140 00:08:24,715 --> 00:08:26,014 Oh. 141 00:08:26,277 --> 00:08:27,820 Oh, yes. Delightful. 142 00:08:28,455 --> 00:08:31,082 How are you today, Mr. Crowninshield, sir? 143 00:08:31,187 --> 00:08:34,338 Oh, the mail elf is here. 144 00:08:35,144 --> 00:08:36,478 Mr. Elf. 145 00:08:36,827 --> 00:08:39,506 Do you have anything for me in there? 146 00:08:39,795 --> 00:08:40,886 What's with the sign? 147 00:08:40,911 --> 00:08:43,378 Sorry. We're not allowed to discuss our salaries. 148 00:08:43,403 --> 00:08:45,428 Crownie's posted a memo. 149 00:08:47,465 --> 00:08:49,559 There's a love letter from a soldier in there. 150 00:08:49,584 --> 00:08:50,630 A real letter? 151 00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:52,162 No. Another post card. 152 00:08:52,233 --> 00:08:54,535 War must have run him short on paper I suppose. 153 00:08:55,422 --> 00:08:56,982 What's the difference between the red... 154 00:08:57,006 --> 00:08:57,994 Don't touch that! 155 00:09:00,149 --> 00:09:02,863 "Dear, if you can send a cake of working soap, 156 00:09:02,888 --> 00:09:06,451 I think I can arrange to buy this castle. Ed." 157 00:09:07,638 --> 00:09:10,310 Such passion. I am overwhelmed. 158 00:09:10,394 --> 00:09:12,070 "If I were better paid," 159 00:09:12,095 --> 00:09:14,293 I might feel happier about murdering time. 160 00:09:14,318 --> 00:09:15,778 In an overheated theater... 161 00:09:15,976 --> 00:09:18,407 "Indeed, given the state in which I hobbled home," 162 00:09:18,436 --> 00:09:20,321 bruised and beaten by the mediocrity 163 00:09:20,346 --> 00:09:22,027 "of both author and cast..." 164 00:09:22,130 --> 00:09:24,591 My, our vines do bear tender grapes... 165 00:09:24,929 --> 00:09:26,249 "I can only guess that my refusal" 166 00:09:26,274 --> 00:09:27,538 to list their names here 167 00:09:27,563 --> 00:09:29,707 is due to a lingering sense of playground honor... 168 00:09:29,757 --> 00:09:31,214 I'm not going to tell on them. 169 00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:32,301 Like it, Crownie? 170 00:09:32,326 --> 00:09:34,295 I would have liked it better if it hadn't been... 171 00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:35,378 Another dull thug. 172 00:09:35,403 --> 00:09:37,791 From another one of your prodigious producers. 173 00:09:37,816 --> 00:09:39,245 That had nothing to do with it. 174 00:09:39,270 --> 00:09:40,543 How silly of me. 175 00:09:40,568 --> 00:09:43,211 Was it a very big advertisement he was going to take out? 176 00:09:43,236 --> 00:09:45,719 Not that it matters, but, yes, a quarter page. 177 00:09:45,857 --> 00:09:48,017 Benchley, why didn't you cut that bit about her salary? 178 00:09:48,041 --> 00:09:49,309 Would that it were in my power 179 00:09:49,334 --> 00:09:50,954 to alter Mrs. Parker's wages. 180 00:09:50,979 --> 00:09:53,397 Get rid of that ludicrous sign. Didn't you see my memo? 181 00:09:53,422 --> 00:09:55,424 I'm hungry. Aren't you? 182 00:09:55,449 --> 00:09:56,808 No. I'm Mr. Sherwood. 183 00:09:56,833 --> 00:09:59,894 Great Scott! I'm Francis vanity fair not the morgue. 184 00:10:00,101 --> 00:10:02,231 You inspire deathless prose. 185 00:10:02,256 --> 00:10:03,851 I think we'd better feed Mrs. Parker 186 00:10:03,876 --> 00:10:05,314 before she gets cranky. 187 00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:06,138 Be careful you know. 188 00:10:06,163 --> 00:10:07,523 She bites the hand that feeds her. 189 00:10:07,547 --> 00:10:10,761 Oh, I do not. Do I? 190 00:10:49,642 --> 00:10:51,249 Oh, shit. 191 00:11:02,849 --> 00:11:04,630 I thought I was late. 192 00:11:05,425 --> 00:11:07,367 Not so anyone would notice. 193 00:11:07,451 --> 00:11:09,398 Only three hours. 194 00:11:14,967 --> 00:11:16,883 What are we doing? May I come in? 195 00:11:37,948 --> 00:11:39,826 It smells like home. 196 00:11:47,433 --> 00:11:48,671 Thank you. 197 00:11:52,229 --> 00:11:54,194 You must be terribly hot. 198 00:11:54,368 --> 00:11:56,326 No. No. Not at all. 199 00:12:14,413 --> 00:12:16,048 Oh, dear. We can't. 200 00:12:16,728 --> 00:12:17,482 Why not? 201 00:12:17,507 --> 00:12:19,181 Don't you want to feel married again? 202 00:12:19,371 --> 00:12:22,314 I have to be at the theater in half an hour. 203 00:12:23,854 --> 00:12:24,695 Musical? 204 00:12:24,740 --> 00:12:26,783 No. Ibsen. 205 00:12:27,232 --> 00:12:28,608 Who's he? 206 00:12:28,650 --> 00:12:30,130 You'll like it, idiot. 207 00:12:30,155 --> 00:12:32,680 Gun goes off in the third act. 208 00:12:38,382 --> 00:12:40,728 So, where is this mythical husband of yours? 209 00:12:41,142 --> 00:12:43,440 Tonight I rank third in his affections, 210 00:12:43,534 --> 00:12:46,138 behind misters Hague and Hague. 211 00:12:46,343 --> 00:12:48,095 Please. 212 00:12:48,668 --> 00:12:50,879 I look pitiful enough. 213 00:12:58,385 --> 00:13:00,012 Oh... 214 00:13:00,095 --> 00:13:03,683 Let's hope the actors don't put too much glug into their lines. 215 00:13:11,147 --> 00:13:12,612 Eddie! 216 00:13:13,753 --> 00:13:15,651 Eddie, are you hungry? 217 00:13:25,664 --> 00:13:26,644 Eddie. 218 00:13:28,663 --> 00:13:30,391 Eddie, wake up. 219 00:13:30,432 --> 00:13:31,429 Oh, God. 220 00:13:31,538 --> 00:13:34,040 Eddie, wake up. Wake up. 221 00:13:36,438 --> 00:13:38,232 Kiss me. 222 00:13:39,218 --> 00:13:41,501 Oh, I missed you. 223 00:13:44,761 --> 00:13:52,351 Lady, lady, never speak of the tears that burn your cheek... 224 00:13:52,644 --> 00:13:54,487 She will never win him, 225 00:13:54,577 --> 00:13:59,123 whose words had shown she feared to lose. 226 00:13:59,392 --> 00:14:02,691 Be you wise and never sad, 227 00:14:02,770 --> 00:14:05,629 you will get your lovely lad. 228 00:14:05,750 --> 00:14:09,356 Never serious be, nor true, 229 00:14:09,528 --> 00:14:13,055 and your wish will come to you... 230 00:14:13,931 --> 00:14:16,398 And if that makes you happy, kid, 231 00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:19,147 you'll be the first it ever did. 232 00:14:26,748 --> 00:14:27,956 There's the phone. 233 00:14:30,443 --> 00:14:33,279 Young Mr. Benchley, where are you going over there? 234 00:14:34,671 --> 00:14:35,657 Hello. 235 00:14:35,682 --> 00:14:38,039 Hello, Gertrude. It's Dorothy. 236 00:14:39,426 --> 00:14:40,626 Something's come up with work. 237 00:14:40,869 --> 00:14:43,035 May I speak with Mr. Benchley, please? 238 00:14:43,105 --> 00:14:44,833 Certainly. One moment. 239 00:14:46,515 --> 00:14:48,113 It's Dorothy. 240 00:14:50,508 --> 00:14:51,719 On a Sunday. 241 00:14:51,744 --> 00:14:53,021 A Sunday. 242 00:14:55,500 --> 00:14:56,974 Mrs. Parker, what happened? 243 00:14:57,067 --> 00:14:58,692 Crownie fired me. 244 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:01,825 He took me out to lunch, 245 00:15:01,889 --> 00:15:03,682 and then he fired me. 246 00:15:03,935 --> 00:15:06,442 He didn't even have the nerve to say why. 247 00:15:06,543 --> 00:15:09,597 You and I both know why. 248 00:15:10,538 --> 00:15:12,539 I've wrecked my career. 249 00:15:12,861 --> 00:15:14,926 Kindly direct me to hell. 250 00:15:15,094 --> 00:15:17,211 Take two aspirin, lightly grilled. 251 00:15:17,289 --> 00:15:18,784 I'll be in on the next train. 252 00:15:21,669 --> 00:15:22,920 Well... 253 00:15:22,945 --> 00:15:23,838 Don't tell me. 254 00:15:23,863 --> 00:15:25,823 I suppose she started crying. 255 00:15:26,310 --> 00:15:27,602 They fired her. 256 00:15:27,827 --> 00:15:30,129 She did get a bit weepy, yes. 257 00:15:31,551 --> 00:15:33,427 And then the bastard offered me 258 00:15:33,452 --> 00:15:35,787 a satisfactory rate. 259 00:15:35,812 --> 00:15:37,132 What does that mean? Satisfactory. 260 00:15:37,156 --> 00:15:38,124 Exactly. 261 00:15:38,273 --> 00:15:41,278 For a few little pieces at home. 262 00:15:41,388 --> 00:15:43,108 Like I'm a spoiled virgin 263 00:15:43,133 --> 00:15:44,722 and no one else would have me. 264 00:15:44,747 --> 00:15:45,982 You're not spoiled. 265 00:15:46,007 --> 00:15:46,721 I'm not? 266 00:15:46,759 --> 00:15:48,991 Just highly seasoned. 267 00:15:50,530 --> 00:15:52,670 What does that mean, Bob? 268 00:15:54,964 --> 00:15:58,134 What were you two doing when I was overseas? 269 00:15:58,175 --> 00:15:59,927 Nothing, ed, 270 00:15:59,969 --> 00:16:02,823 which is a lot more than you weren't doing. 271 00:16:04,181 --> 00:16:06,183 Do you mind? 272 00:16:06,717 --> 00:16:07,801 I'm leaving. 273 00:16:08,414 --> 00:16:11,194 I was expecting a raise, I really was. 274 00:16:30,253 --> 00:16:31,901 Do you mind? 275 00:16:32,261 --> 00:16:33,983 Yes, all right. Then I'll stop. 276 00:16:34,542 --> 00:16:35,692 The day will arrive 277 00:16:35,717 --> 00:16:38,117 when they come to me on their knees and beg me to drum. 278 00:16:38,141 --> 00:16:39,818 There will be three of you today? 279 00:16:39,844 --> 00:16:42,017 Yes. Only three. 280 00:16:43,315 --> 00:16:44,916 I wonder what the least expensive item is 281 00:16:44,940 --> 00:16:46,132 on this menu. 282 00:16:46,157 --> 00:16:47,202 The eggs. 283 00:16:47,963 --> 00:16:51,385 Uh, yes, I believe I'll have the eggs. 284 00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:53,649 Same for me, please. Loosely scrambled, 285 00:16:53,674 --> 00:16:55,322 like my brains. 286 00:16:55,577 --> 00:16:57,537 Could I get a half-order? 287 00:16:58,624 --> 00:16:59,707 Hello, guppies! 288 00:17:00,044 --> 00:17:01,343 What colossal trumpery 289 00:17:01,368 --> 00:17:03,453 is taking place at vanity fair? 290 00:17:03,478 --> 00:17:06,706 Well, Mr. Sherwood was replaced last week. 291 00:17:06,731 --> 00:17:08,617 By the woman who gives music lessons 292 00:17:08,642 --> 00:17:10,394 to Conde Nast's daughter. 293 00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:12,789 A woman, I might add, who's so full of charm, 294 00:17:12,814 --> 00:17:15,100 she's practically panting with it. 295 00:17:15,747 --> 00:17:17,662 And then Mrs. Parker was fired... 296 00:17:17,716 --> 00:17:18,840 Because, I presume, 297 00:17:18,865 --> 00:17:21,098 vanity fair is a magazine of no opinion, 298 00:17:21,223 --> 00:17:22,329 and she has plenty. 299 00:17:22,377 --> 00:17:23,268 And you, Benchley? 300 00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:25,352 We hear your income is running well into one figure. 301 00:17:26,201 --> 00:17:27,702 Go ahead, Rob. Tell them. 302 00:17:27,877 --> 00:17:29,491 I trust this is for publication. 303 00:17:29,516 --> 00:17:31,474 Benchley, one can't simply repeat rumors. 304 00:17:31,499 --> 00:17:33,039 And do it with some complexity. 305 00:17:33,064 --> 00:17:36,424 I am resigning from vanity fair... 306 00:17:36,764 --> 00:17:38,140 There will be five of you today? 307 00:17:38,213 --> 00:17:39,445 Yes. Only five. 308 00:17:40,387 --> 00:17:43,387 I'm, uh... I'm resigning from the magazine. 309 00:17:44,265 --> 00:17:47,291 Because Mrs. Parker's dismissal was remarkably stupid... 310 00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:48,707 Hello, Helen! 311 00:17:48,732 --> 00:17:50,538 And unfair. 312 00:17:50,716 --> 00:17:51,550 Helen Hayes. 313 00:17:51,575 --> 00:17:54,457 And if I've learned anything... 314 00:17:54,482 --> 00:17:57,482 I've allowed them to seat five in the booth. 315 00:17:57,618 --> 00:17:59,419 I know it's a little disorderly, 316 00:17:59,444 --> 00:18:02,731 but I think we can keep them from being disruptive. 317 00:18:04,701 --> 00:18:06,301 Everyone, Ross and I have set 318 00:18:06,326 --> 00:18:07,807 a September date for the wedding! 319 00:18:07,832 --> 00:18:09,221 Congratulations! 320 00:18:09,246 --> 00:18:10,075 Call me Cox. 321 00:18:10,100 --> 00:18:11,100 It's damned embarrassing. 322 00:18:11,124 --> 00:18:12,786 And I'm keeping my maiden name. 323 00:18:12,811 --> 00:18:13,939 No goddamn music! 324 00:18:13,964 --> 00:18:17,021 No marching down the aisles to Mendelssohn! 325 00:18:17,196 --> 00:18:18,796 I insist on picking out the wedding ring 326 00:18:18,821 --> 00:18:20,889 and making all the arrangements. 327 00:18:21,270 --> 00:18:22,660 It's settled! 328 00:18:22,685 --> 00:18:24,379 We must remodel that ghastly house 329 00:18:24,404 --> 00:18:25,338 before I move in. 330 00:18:25,362 --> 00:18:26,847 Does that mean you're moving out? 331 00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:28,974 Aleck, you left the tub full this morning. 332 00:18:28,999 --> 00:18:31,228 In the hopes that you might take a bath. 333 00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:34,207 I tell you, that house reeks of sex. 334 00:18:34,232 --> 00:18:35,587 Aleck, how would you know? 335 00:18:35,612 --> 00:18:37,867 A childhood bout of the mumps 336 00:18:37,892 --> 00:18:39,590 killed the impulse in me. 337 00:18:39,615 --> 00:18:40,833 Don't apologize. 338 00:18:40,858 --> 00:18:42,362 Celibacy sharpens the senses. 339 00:18:42,517 --> 00:18:44,013 Is this a dagger I see before me? 340 00:18:44,038 --> 00:18:46,569 I think this calls for a cele-bation. 341 00:18:46,594 --> 00:18:47,949 I may not be able to vote red, 342 00:18:47,974 --> 00:18:49,311 but I can certainly drink it. 343 00:18:49,336 --> 00:18:51,012 Where's my bread? 344 00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:53,132 I'm hungry! 345 00:18:54,397 --> 00:18:57,190 Bring them some celery and some popovers or something. 346 00:18:57,215 --> 00:18:59,354 Mr. Case already told me, sir. 347 00:19:00,060 --> 00:19:01,627 Well, I knew that. 348 00:19:02,513 --> 00:19:04,317 Are you nervous? Don't be nervous. 349 00:19:04,342 --> 00:19:05,695 I'll take care of you. 350 00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:08,876 Your royal highnesses, I give you Marc Connelly, 351 00:19:08,901 --> 00:19:10,940 fact-finder for the Morning Telegraph. 352 00:19:10,987 --> 00:19:12,562 Ah, the chorus girl's breakfast. 353 00:19:12,603 --> 00:19:14,543 Well, I don't actually write for the Telegraph. 354 00:19:14,568 --> 00:19:16,124 - 11. - 11? 355 00:19:16,149 --> 00:19:17,525 A bald man. 356 00:19:17,550 --> 00:19:18,676 Feel of a strange. 357 00:19:18,750 --> 00:19:20,621 It feels just like my wife's behind. 358 00:19:21,739 --> 00:19:22,861 So it does! 359 00:19:22,886 --> 00:19:24,859 Ha ha ha! 360 00:19:24,884 --> 00:19:26,298 Listen, everyone. 361 00:19:26,368 --> 00:19:28,956 Ross is in the planning stages of a brand-new weekly. 362 00:19:28,980 --> 00:19:29,678 Really? 363 00:19:29,703 --> 00:19:31,623 Something similar to what you're doing now, Ross? 364 00:19:31,647 --> 00:19:33,510 Just what the world is waiting for, 365 00:19:33,535 --> 00:19:35,687 another publication for little old ladies in Dubuque. 366 00:19:35,718 --> 00:19:38,769 Don't ask us to be on your advisory board. It'll ruin our appetites. 367 00:19:38,793 --> 00:19:39,758 Speak for yourself. 368 00:19:39,783 --> 00:19:41,343 Does that mean you're interested, Aleck? 369 00:19:41,367 --> 00:19:43,010 Ross, you remind me a great deal 370 00:19:43,035 --> 00:19:44,543 of my grandfather's coachman. 371 00:19:44,830 --> 00:19:46,869 Some horse's ass would know the coachman. 372 00:19:47,051 --> 00:19:48,455 Oh, here's Kaufman! 373 00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:50,197 George, over here! 374 00:19:50,222 --> 00:19:51,694 Table for one, sir? 375 00:19:51,719 --> 00:19:53,399 Everyone, I'd like you to meet my assistant 376 00:19:53,423 --> 00:19:55,473 at the New York Times, George S. Kaufman. 377 00:19:55,951 --> 00:19:57,005 A Jew. 378 00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:58,382 - Gesundheit. - Shalom. 379 00:19:58,407 --> 00:20:00,112 I'm no longer your assistant, Aleck. 380 00:20:00,137 --> 00:20:01,377 You haven't converted, I trust. 381 00:20:01,402 --> 00:20:02,951 No, just promoted. 382 00:20:02,976 --> 00:20:04,616 Feeling alright George? You look terrible. 383 00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:06,016 Terrible would be an improvement. 384 00:20:06,041 --> 00:20:07,782 - Harold Ross, American Legion Weekly. - You shouldn't touch George. 385 00:20:07,806 --> 00:20:09,126 George doesn't like to be touched. 386 00:20:09,151 --> 00:20:10,751 So how many more will there be for lunch? 387 00:20:10,775 --> 00:20:12,621 There will be two of everybody! 388 00:20:13,446 --> 00:20:15,314 Mr. Case won't like this. 389 00:20:15,339 --> 00:20:17,508 Oh, well. Case closed. 390 00:20:19,348 --> 00:20:21,308 Yes, Bob? You rang? 391 00:20:21,418 --> 00:20:25,713 I... I... I'm afraid I have... 392 00:20:25,879 --> 00:20:29,531 I am resigning my position at Vanity Fair. 393 00:20:29,602 --> 00:20:30,331 Why? 394 00:20:30,356 --> 00:20:33,047 Well, because my job, if you could call it that, 395 00:20:33,072 --> 00:20:35,322 as Managing Editor is no longer attractive 396 00:20:35,347 --> 00:20:38,478 without the extraordinary talents of Mrs. Parker 397 00:20:38,503 --> 00:20:40,718 and Mr. Sherwood. 398 00:20:41,877 --> 00:20:43,708 This is not a reckless decision. 399 00:20:43,733 --> 00:20:44,796 I'm a careful man, 400 00:20:44,821 --> 00:20:45,936 one who often wears a belt, 401 00:20:45,961 --> 00:20:47,341 as well as suspenders. 402 00:20:47,402 --> 00:20:49,625 Bravo. Bravo, Bob. 403 00:20:51,429 --> 00:20:52,752 Think of us fondly, please, 404 00:20:52,777 --> 00:20:54,703 as ships departing a sinking rat. 405 00:20:55,728 --> 00:20:58,129 Well, make a good union man. 406 00:20:58,761 --> 00:21:00,177 What was that all about? 407 00:21:00,682 --> 00:21:03,320 Uh, Mr. Woollcott, 408 00:21:03,622 --> 00:21:06,583 have to remind you, as of this week, 409 00:21:06,625 --> 00:21:08,583 drinking alcohol here is illegal. 410 00:21:08,674 --> 00:21:11,927 Geoplenarian, I am interested only in things 411 00:21:11,952 --> 00:21:15,092 that are illegal, immoral, or fattening. 412 00:21:15,117 --> 00:21:16,785 It's wine, not alcohol. 413 00:21:16,900 --> 00:21:17,856 Ice, please. 414 00:21:17,881 --> 00:21:18,717 Kaufman. 415 00:21:25,892 --> 00:21:27,710 Are you all right, Mrs. Parker? 416 00:21:27,954 --> 00:21:30,247 Oh, that man is a mess. 417 00:21:30,372 --> 00:21:32,302 Kaufman... oh, I think he's rather quick. 418 00:21:32,398 --> 00:21:33,815 - Is that what his name is? - Yeah. 419 00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:36,165 Oh, I never saw such a thing. 420 00:21:36,190 --> 00:21:37,910 He's a twitchy fella. 421 00:21:39,673 --> 00:21:44,322 Mr. Benchley, are you quite sure about this? 422 00:21:44,347 --> 00:21:45,847 Positive, Mrs. Parker. 423 00:21:46,896 --> 00:21:50,814 Listen, you can't buy the kind of advertising they'll be giving us. 424 00:21:50,839 --> 00:21:52,176 We'll be freelancers. Oh, my God. 425 00:21:52,201 --> 00:21:54,036 We'll write only what we like, 426 00:21:54,061 --> 00:21:57,337 not slave over a hot desk for people like Conde Nast. 427 00:21:57,409 --> 00:21:59,864 Have you told Gertrude? 428 00:22:00,017 --> 00:22:01,143 Pardon. 429 00:22:07,127 --> 00:22:08,540 Is there a problem? 430 00:22:08,565 --> 00:22:09,605 Don't worry about a thing. 431 00:22:09,630 --> 00:22:11,070 I've set this kind of fracture before 432 00:22:11,094 --> 00:22:11,923 without much pain, 433 00:22:11,924 --> 00:22:13,324 but we must get started immediately. 434 00:22:13,348 --> 00:22:14,841 Mrs. Beemish, please take a seat. 435 00:22:14,866 --> 00:22:15,785 Does it hurt? 436 00:22:15,810 --> 00:22:16,684 Oh, it's dreadful. 437 00:22:16,709 --> 00:22:17,749 Please don't try to speak. 438 00:22:17,773 --> 00:22:19,365 I need room to work. 439 00:22:22,906 --> 00:22:24,106 We'll rent an office together, 440 00:22:24,131 --> 00:22:24,882 move in, 441 00:22:24,907 --> 00:22:25,886 cheer each other on. 442 00:22:25,911 --> 00:22:27,471 You can try your dainty hand at fiction, 443 00:22:27,495 --> 00:22:29,842 and I'll start my history 444 00:22:29,867 --> 00:22:32,676 of the queen Anne humorists... Both of them. 445 00:22:33,538 --> 00:22:35,260 Mr. Benchley... 446 00:22:35,878 --> 00:22:38,960 I feel as though you're proposing marriage. 447 00:22:39,076 --> 00:22:41,624 Many torments lie in the small circle 448 00:22:41,649 --> 00:22:43,567 of a wedding ring. 449 00:22:43,688 --> 00:22:45,182 What if it doesn't work? 450 00:22:45,207 --> 00:22:47,023 Well, we'll just yearn a living. 451 00:22:47,048 --> 00:22:50,245 But first, we need a name for the office door. 452 00:22:51,024 --> 00:22:53,121 Utica Drop Forge and Tool company. 453 00:22:53,146 --> 00:22:54,120 Perfect. 454 00:22:54,145 --> 00:22:55,847 Robert Benchley, president. 455 00:22:56,204 --> 00:22:58,736 Dorothy Parker, president. 456 00:22:59,824 --> 00:23:00,990 Dorothy... 457 00:23:02,989 --> 00:23:04,240 I could kiss you, 458 00:23:04,939 --> 00:23:07,543 but I'm not sure it would come out right. 459 00:23:08,618 --> 00:23:10,154 You're afraid you might 460 00:23:10,179 --> 00:23:12,623 melt the gold in my teeth. 461 00:23:13,991 --> 00:23:14,706 Huh? 462 00:23:14,878 --> 00:23:16,843 Afraid I might lose you. 463 00:23:18,294 --> 00:23:20,446 I know I'm losing Eddie. 464 00:23:20,794 --> 00:23:23,024 I couldn't bear losing you, too. 465 00:23:23,816 --> 00:23:25,896 You'd have to wear a pretty large hole in your pocket 466 00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:27,157 to lose me, Mrs. Parker. 467 00:23:27,182 --> 00:23:30,530 Madame, Monsieur, the eggs are getting cold. 468 00:23:30,555 --> 00:23:31,890 Ah. 469 00:23:44,019 --> 00:23:45,479 Much better. 470 00:23:45,863 --> 00:23:47,965 Have to be comfortable when I sit down to write, 471 00:23:47,990 --> 00:23:49,678 because that's where I shine. 472 00:23:54,091 --> 00:23:55,550 Park Bench. 473 00:23:55,676 --> 00:23:56,885 Mm-hmm. 474 00:23:56,910 --> 00:23:58,658 May I tell her who's called? 475 00:23:58,980 --> 00:24:01,148 Does the cent sign go before or after? 476 00:24:01,173 --> 00:24:02,076 After. 477 00:24:02,489 --> 00:24:03,715 This is Mr. Nichols. 478 00:24:03,740 --> 00:24:06,172 Wants to know where your story is. 479 00:24:06,356 --> 00:24:07,511 Oh. 480 00:24:08,503 --> 00:24:10,504 Tell him something, will you? 481 00:24:12,071 --> 00:24:14,862 I'm afraid Mrs. Parker's had some sort of an attack. 482 00:24:14,887 --> 00:24:17,145 They're in the process now of freezing her appendix. 483 00:24:17,170 --> 00:24:18,636 The doctor thinks we may get it 484 00:24:18,661 --> 00:24:20,369 to listen to reason this way. 485 00:24:21,819 --> 00:24:25,274 Yeah. All right. Certainly. 486 00:24:25,299 --> 00:24:26,233 Good-bye. 487 00:24:28,223 --> 00:24:30,247 Has to be in by tomorrow. 488 00:24:30,833 --> 00:24:33,544 Oh. Shit. 489 00:24:34,779 --> 00:24:38,014 I may die before a train of thought leaves the station. 490 00:24:38,039 --> 00:24:39,265 Me, too. 491 00:24:41,316 --> 00:24:43,056 Let's change places. 492 00:24:43,081 --> 00:24:44,299 All right. 493 00:24:47,360 --> 00:24:50,087 Hmm... well. Pardon me. 494 00:24:50,112 --> 00:24:51,905 Excuse me. 495 00:25:02,778 --> 00:25:07,201 We'd build a little bungalow, if you and I were one, 496 00:25:07,469 --> 00:25:13,223 and carefully we'd plan it so we'd get the morning sun. 497 00:25:14,041 --> 00:25:17,243 I'd rise each day at rosy dawn 498 00:25:17,268 --> 00:25:19,792 and bustle gaily down. 499 00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:22,922 In evening's cool, you'd spray the lawn 500 00:25:22,947 --> 00:25:25,504 when you come back from town. 501 00:25:26,347 --> 00:25:29,256 If you and I were one, my dear, 502 00:25:29,397 --> 00:25:32,108 a model life we'd lead. 503 00:25:32,584 --> 00:25:35,825 We'd travel on from year to year, 504 00:25:35,850 --> 00:25:38,933 at no increase of speed. 505 00:25:40,078 --> 00:25:44,195 Ah, clear to me the vision of the things 506 00:25:44,220 --> 00:25:46,616 that we should do. 507 00:25:47,111 --> 00:25:50,990 And so I think it best, my love, 508 00:25:51,125 --> 00:25:53,147 to string along as two. 509 00:25:53,172 --> 00:25:54,191 Here, dear? 510 00:25:54,216 --> 00:25:55,912 Oh, to the right. 511 00:25:58,768 --> 00:26:00,790 Oh, how do you do? I'm Neyso McMain. 512 00:26:00,815 --> 00:26:01,743 I'm your neighbor. 513 00:26:01,768 --> 00:26:03,011 Would you like a drink? 514 00:26:03,807 --> 00:26:05,433 Sworn off. Thank you. 515 00:26:05,691 --> 00:26:08,299 Oh, well, if you should ever want to come by, 516 00:26:08,324 --> 00:26:10,419 my door is open, day and night. 517 00:26:10,739 --> 00:26:12,473 Hotel Algonquin. Please hold. 518 00:26:14,769 --> 00:26:16,979 O'Neill's won the Pulitzer, Aleck! 519 00:26:17,217 --> 00:26:19,135 Hey, John. How are you? 520 00:26:19,687 --> 00:26:21,660 Hello, Mr. Woollcott. How you doing? 521 00:26:22,372 --> 00:26:24,124 You know everyone. Everyone, Will. 522 00:26:24,166 --> 00:26:25,459 Mr. Benchley. 523 00:26:25,792 --> 00:26:27,672 - How do you do? Robert Benchley. - Will Rogers. 524 00:26:27,924 --> 00:26:29,154 Nice to meet you, Miss Parker. 525 00:26:29,179 --> 00:26:31,467 I never liked a man I didn't meet. 526 00:26:33,228 --> 00:26:34,870 Thank you, I guess. 527 00:26:35,047 --> 00:26:37,247 So, Aleck, Will Rogers for president. What do you think? 528 00:26:37,271 --> 00:26:38,605 Now get out of here. 529 00:26:38,630 --> 00:26:39,790 Now that women have the vote, 530 00:26:39,815 --> 00:26:40,855 what do you think, ladies? 531 00:26:40,879 --> 00:26:42,786 Well it is a lovely hat. 532 00:26:43,700 --> 00:26:46,140 Everybody knows it's the hat that gets you in the white house. 533 00:26:47,468 --> 00:26:50,346 This must be the smallest table in the biggest city on the planet here. 534 00:26:50,371 --> 00:26:51,916 You folks got sore knees under there? 535 00:26:52,242 --> 00:26:54,905 We need a Ouija board. We'd divine the future. 536 00:26:56,485 --> 00:26:58,547 Future looks pretty divine to me. 537 00:26:58,572 --> 00:27:05,081 Georges, tell Mr. Case I've had a great idea. 538 00:27:05,406 --> 00:27:06,996 He might not believe it, sir. 539 00:27:07,021 --> 00:27:09,245 If Ziegfeld changed the name of the show... 540 00:27:10,298 --> 00:27:11,440 I'm sorry. What did you say? 541 00:27:11,465 --> 00:27:13,152 Wisdom, every word. 542 00:27:13,534 --> 00:27:14,689 Serge. 543 00:28:40,131 --> 00:28:43,600 Ross, use the word "dog" in a sentence. 544 00:28:45,774 --> 00:28:47,118 We'll give you time. 545 00:28:47,143 --> 00:28:48,083 Get her a drink. 546 00:28:48,108 --> 00:28:49,451 Oh yeah! Would you like a drink? 547 00:28:49,476 --> 00:28:51,478 - Welcome. - Please, come. 548 00:28:54,945 --> 00:28:57,620 Well, Neyso, I think if you loiter in your studio long enough, 549 00:28:57,645 --> 00:28:59,463 the whole world will drift in and out. 550 00:28:59,736 --> 00:29:00,737 That's the point. 551 00:29:00,950 --> 00:29:02,217 Sour trumpet at the end 552 00:29:02,242 --> 00:29:03,887 of a third-rate marching band. 553 00:29:04,074 --> 00:29:06,254 Round of cards? I'll get the girls. 554 00:29:06,279 --> 00:29:07,612 The girls? 555 00:29:07,839 --> 00:29:09,216 Poker. Yes, I'd love to. 556 00:29:09,241 --> 00:29:10,659 You're a celebrity, George, face it. 557 00:29:10,684 --> 00:29:12,419 Right. A temporary one. 558 00:29:12,745 --> 00:29:13,776 There's not another kind. 559 00:29:13,801 --> 00:29:15,231 My point exactly. 560 00:29:15,632 --> 00:29:16,889 Come on, Don. Ardent fidelity. 561 00:29:16,914 --> 00:29:18,794 That's the first thing that springs to your mind 562 00:29:18,818 --> 00:29:20,162 when you think of Mrs. Parker. 563 00:29:20,236 --> 00:29:21,476 Well, it's not the first thing, 564 00:29:21,500 --> 00:29:24,792 but gradually, I work my way back around. 565 00:29:25,575 --> 00:29:27,148 Let's take a walk through here. 566 00:29:27,173 --> 00:29:28,828 I'll show you some of Miss McMain's 567 00:29:28,853 --> 00:29:31,481 extraordinarily useless object d'art. 568 00:29:31,506 --> 00:29:32,858 Your apartment is just lovely. 569 00:29:32,883 --> 00:29:35,260 You think? It's that Slavic architecture. 570 00:29:36,026 --> 00:29:37,918 It's just like a dormitory here. 571 00:29:38,224 --> 00:29:39,473 Oh, ho. 572 00:29:40,387 --> 00:29:42,266 Just like a dormitory here. 573 00:29:42,291 --> 00:29:44,411 I was just saying, the Par... well, here they are now. 574 00:29:44,435 --> 00:29:46,596 The Parkers live just across the hall. 575 00:29:46,706 --> 00:29:48,296 That's why... 576 00:29:48,394 --> 00:29:50,597 It's really so kind of you letting Robert sleep over 577 00:29:50,622 --> 00:29:52,035 when he works late. 578 00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:54,304 Why sometimes I think you see more of him than I do. 579 00:29:54,329 --> 00:29:55,661 Well I'm always very modest. 580 00:29:55,686 --> 00:29:56,742 You know that, Gertrude. 581 00:29:56,767 --> 00:29:59,418 Well it must be wonderful to never have babies waking you up. 582 00:29:59,645 --> 00:30:02,272 They don't allow babies in dormitories. 583 00:30:02,470 --> 00:30:04,582 Not that there's anything wrong with babies. 584 00:30:04,607 --> 00:30:07,063 Oh if there were, Gertrude, you'd be arrested by now. 585 00:30:07,088 --> 00:30:10,029 Ha ha! Well... 586 00:30:11,114 --> 00:30:14,396 I'm sorry. I... I didn't understand. 587 00:30:14,958 --> 00:30:16,751 For being so good with them. 588 00:30:17,106 --> 00:30:17,936 Thank you. 589 00:30:17,961 --> 00:30:19,715 And you are good with them, God knows. 590 00:30:19,858 --> 00:30:20,751 They worship her. 591 00:30:20,776 --> 00:30:22,928 I don't think they know who I am even. 592 00:30:23,281 --> 00:30:24,401 Aren't you and Eddie anxious 593 00:30:24,425 --> 00:30:25,811 to start a family of your own? 594 00:30:25,860 --> 00:30:29,023 Oh, good... heavens no. 595 00:30:29,750 --> 00:30:32,076 My mother was 42 when I was born. 596 00:30:32,101 --> 00:30:34,075 Of course, then she promptly went and died on me, 597 00:30:34,100 --> 00:30:37,270 so maybe waiting isn't such a good idea. 598 00:30:37,301 --> 00:30:39,657 Reminds me, I need another drink. 599 00:30:39,682 --> 00:30:41,735 - Anybody? - Uh, no. No. 600 00:30:42,495 --> 00:30:45,222 You know, my mother was 34 when she had me, 601 00:30:45,530 --> 00:30:47,279 but then again, she had the good graces 602 00:30:47,304 --> 00:30:49,582 to wait until I was 12 before she passed away. 603 00:30:49,888 --> 00:30:53,202 She was always the politest of women. 604 00:30:53,412 --> 00:30:55,477 Oh, well, here's a lovely picture... 605 00:30:55,502 --> 00:30:56,857 Benchley and his two wives. 606 00:30:56,882 --> 00:30:57,824 Not nice, Aleck. 607 00:30:57,849 --> 00:30:58,994 Oh, come on, Sherry. 608 00:30:59,019 --> 00:31:01,354 Don't say it's an intellectual relationship. 609 00:31:01,379 --> 00:31:02,344 What does that mean? 610 00:31:02,369 --> 00:31:03,611 Yes, what does that mean? 611 00:31:03,636 --> 00:31:06,139 In their minds, they "mmm" like bunnies. 612 00:31:06,164 --> 00:31:07,911 Oh, Mr. Benchley. 613 00:31:09,105 --> 00:31:10,924 How's Eddie doing? He seems all right. 614 00:31:11,002 --> 00:31:14,241 Well, I think he's off the morphine, anyway. 615 00:31:14,583 --> 00:31:16,236 Now he wants to move back to Hartford 616 00:31:16,261 --> 00:31:18,221 to be near his family. 617 00:31:18,592 --> 00:31:20,177 I don't know. 618 00:31:20,282 --> 00:31:22,360 Maybe it'll be easier for him there. 619 00:31:22,736 --> 00:31:25,268 At least they know how to keep house. 620 00:31:26,372 --> 00:31:29,006 Wifely chores can be lethal, Mr. Benchley. 621 00:31:29,103 --> 00:31:30,563 Only if done properly. 622 00:31:31,239 --> 00:31:33,110 You're much too hard on yourself, Mrs. Parker. 623 00:31:33,135 --> 00:31:34,358 A little garbage gives a house 624 00:31:34,383 --> 00:31:35,602 that lived-in feeling. 625 00:31:36,510 --> 00:31:37,210 Robert. 626 00:31:37,234 --> 00:31:39,272 Pull a bed sheet over it or something. 627 00:31:39,741 --> 00:31:41,326 The coward's way out? 628 00:31:41,696 --> 00:31:42,839 Robert. 629 00:31:43,321 --> 00:31:45,791 Excuse me, please. I must find the ladies room. 630 00:31:45,816 --> 00:31:47,898 It's just to the left here. Right... 631 00:31:48,184 --> 00:31:49,888 Right around the corner there. 632 00:31:50,007 --> 00:31:52,146 Do you know where the ladies room is? 633 00:31:52,171 --> 00:31:53,533 Here, take one of mine. 634 00:31:53,558 --> 00:31:54,697 No, I don't drink. 635 00:31:54,722 --> 00:31:56,473 All right. It's just in the back. 636 00:31:57,881 --> 00:32:00,937 Oh, uh, you've, uh, forgotten your, uh... 637 00:32:00,962 --> 00:32:03,141 Soul, as usual. 638 00:32:05,343 --> 00:32:07,338 If our Mrs. Parker used her body 639 00:32:07,363 --> 00:32:08,800 the way she uses her mouth... 640 00:32:08,825 --> 00:32:10,466 Dottie, 20 questions. 641 00:32:10,491 --> 00:32:11,868 I'm thinking of a person. 642 00:32:11,893 --> 00:32:13,991 I'm so happy for you, Ross. 643 00:32:14,502 --> 00:32:15,854 Would he be the kind of man 644 00:32:15,879 --> 00:32:17,816 to put the wings back on flies? 645 00:32:18,069 --> 00:32:19,614 I know nothing about entomology. 646 00:32:19,639 --> 00:32:22,199 Compassion, not bugs. Right? 647 00:32:23,830 --> 00:32:25,531 Who's that sitting with deems Taylor? 648 00:32:25,556 --> 00:32:26,854 Mary Kennedy. 649 00:32:26,879 --> 00:32:28,958 She's consoling him through his divorce. 650 00:32:29,572 --> 00:32:30,602 But if I were you, 651 00:32:30,761 --> 00:32:33,171 I would be paying more attention to my own flanks 652 00:32:33,196 --> 00:32:35,054 than to his at the moment. 653 00:32:37,258 --> 00:32:41,020 Paula, I see you've met my little husband. 654 00:32:41,167 --> 00:32:43,033 Oh! So this is Eddie. 655 00:32:43,058 --> 00:32:43,852 Hmm. 656 00:32:43,877 --> 00:32:45,796 Well, how's your arm, dear? 657 00:32:45,821 --> 00:32:46,767 My arm? 658 00:32:46,918 --> 00:32:48,542 Why, yes. Dottie said you broke it. 659 00:32:48,567 --> 00:32:50,268 Sharpening a pencil? 660 00:32:51,360 --> 00:32:53,169 Did she? Excuse me. 661 00:32:53,398 --> 00:32:55,911 You did say that, didn't you, Dot? 662 00:32:56,158 --> 00:32:58,816 Paula, your slip is showing. 663 00:32:59,041 --> 00:33:00,289 It's on purpose, dear. 664 00:33:00,314 --> 00:33:01,606 Hmm. 665 00:33:01,867 --> 00:33:04,066 How like your acting that is. 666 00:33:04,091 --> 00:33:05,380 Excuse me. 667 00:33:06,449 --> 00:33:08,366 Ha ha ha. 668 00:33:08,877 --> 00:33:10,643 Ah, hello, Frank. 669 00:33:10,945 --> 00:33:13,063 Take care of your body, Paula, 670 00:33:13,275 --> 00:33:14,731 because when it goes, 671 00:33:14,756 --> 00:33:16,653 you'll have nothing left. 672 00:33:20,978 --> 00:33:23,334 Shouldn't you leave some for the other guests, Eddie? 673 00:33:23,430 --> 00:33:26,308 I have to exercise my arm after all those weeks in a cast, dear. 674 00:33:26,653 --> 00:33:28,308 I never said such a thing. 675 00:33:28,333 --> 00:33:29,551 Sure, you did. 676 00:33:29,965 --> 00:33:32,173 They know better than to expect anything from me, 677 00:33:32,374 --> 00:33:33,616 thanks to you. 678 00:33:34,152 --> 00:33:36,615 You don't want to become the town drunk, Eddie. 679 00:33:36,812 --> 00:33:38,014 Not in Manhattan. 680 00:33:38,039 --> 00:33:40,455 You know, I think that you ought to drink more, dear. 681 00:33:41,417 --> 00:33:43,695 Then maybe you could stop nagging me. 682 00:33:47,935 --> 00:33:53,503 I may be a dimwit and a lousy drunk, dear, 683 00:33:53,528 --> 00:33:55,864 but you and your friends... 684 00:33:58,489 --> 00:33:59,357 Eddie. 685 00:33:59,382 --> 00:34:00,633 Oh! 686 00:34:01,294 --> 00:34:04,358 It's ok. It's ok. It's ok. 687 00:34:33,268 --> 00:34:34,710 I'm sorry. 688 00:34:35,246 --> 00:34:36,831 I'm sorry. I... 689 00:34:36,882 --> 00:34:39,116 I didn't know what to do, 690 00:34:39,141 --> 00:34:42,729 so I... I just held my breath. 691 00:34:44,161 --> 00:34:45,812 Are... are you all right? 692 00:34:48,811 --> 00:34:50,908 I'm just so grateful Robert doesn't drink. 693 00:34:51,487 --> 00:34:52,452 His uncle did, you know, 694 00:34:52,477 --> 00:34:54,329 so he's seen the damage done. 695 00:34:57,052 --> 00:34:59,127 Do you really like that? 696 00:35:00,538 --> 00:35:01,831 Not much. 697 00:35:02,724 --> 00:35:05,143 But it's better than a sock in the eye. 698 00:35:09,223 --> 00:35:10,182 Ha ha ha! 699 00:35:10,207 --> 00:35:13,334 So anyway, I asked him if he'd ever read. 700 00:35:13,359 --> 00:35:14,707 Edna Ferber's new book. 701 00:35:14,732 --> 00:35:16,358 It's a very full book. 702 00:35:16,671 --> 00:35:17,984 Full of what, Ross? 703 00:35:18,009 --> 00:35:19,418 Full of not being edited. 704 00:35:19,770 --> 00:35:22,613 And this from the editor of American legion magazine, mind you. 705 00:35:22,638 --> 00:35:25,461 You could do with a little trimming yourself, my dumpling. 706 00:35:25,486 --> 00:35:27,657 So it's thin, thinning, or needs thinning. 707 00:35:27,682 --> 00:35:29,122 Three words Aleck has never heard of. 708 00:35:29,146 --> 00:35:31,417 That's almost a subjective completion. 709 00:35:31,442 --> 00:35:34,684 What Ross means is that stories flow easily 710 00:35:34,709 --> 00:35:36,164 from Edna's fingertips. 711 00:35:36,189 --> 00:35:39,268 I understand she fairly whistles at her typewriter. 712 00:35:39,293 --> 00:35:41,562 And there was that poor sucker Flaubert 713 00:35:41,587 --> 00:35:43,805 just rolling around on the floor for days, 714 00:35:43,830 --> 00:35:45,676 looking for just the right words. 715 00:35:46,483 --> 00:35:48,651 Well, Dottie, I do love your pieces, 716 00:35:48,825 --> 00:35:50,640 and when Ross launches his new magazine, 717 00:35:50,665 --> 00:35:52,295 you'll have to be part of it. 718 00:35:52,320 --> 00:35:54,154 No other woman writes like you do. 719 00:35:54,179 --> 00:35:55,638 Who would want to? 720 00:35:56,127 --> 00:35:58,224 Listen, I read your new piece in the smart set 721 00:35:58,249 --> 00:35:59,369 over and over again, Dottie. 722 00:35:59,393 --> 00:36:00,489 It was wonderful. 723 00:36:00,514 --> 00:36:01,815 How sweet, Ross. 724 00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:03,651 Didn't he understand it the first time? 725 00:36:06,387 --> 00:36:08,450 Alan, dust off your tutu. It's official. 726 00:36:08,475 --> 00:36:10,080 We've rented the 49th street theater 727 00:36:10,105 --> 00:36:11,271 for Sunday, April 30th. 728 00:36:11,296 --> 00:36:13,881 Bravo! Hey! 729 00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:16,920 As our treasurer, I feel compelled to ask... 730 00:36:16,944 --> 00:36:17,620 How much? 731 00:36:17,645 --> 00:36:19,365 Nothing to worry about. I made a great deal. 732 00:36:19,447 --> 00:36:21,101 They gave us the sleeves off their vests. 733 00:36:21,126 --> 00:36:22,685 Kaufman should have negotiated. 734 00:36:22,710 --> 00:36:23,868 He's the Christ killer. 735 00:36:23,893 --> 00:36:25,363 One more slur upon my race, Aleck, 736 00:36:25,388 --> 00:36:26,889 and I'm walking away from this table, 737 00:36:26,914 --> 00:36:29,105 out of the dining room, and away from this hotel. 738 00:36:29,427 --> 00:36:32,962 I trust that Mrs. Parker will walk out with me... halfway? 739 00:36:34,143 --> 00:36:35,493 Raoul Fleischmann was 14 740 00:36:35,518 --> 00:36:37,186 before he realized he was a Jew. 741 00:36:37,211 --> 00:36:39,371 That's nothing. I was 16 before I realized I was a boy. 742 00:36:39,599 --> 00:36:41,270 What convinced you? 743 00:36:41,739 --> 00:36:42,760 Gravity. 744 00:36:42,785 --> 00:36:44,339 Sex laws of a Newton. 745 00:36:44,995 --> 00:36:46,644 Mmm. Chemin de fer. 746 00:36:46,669 --> 00:36:47,920 Mirabile dictum. 747 00:36:47,945 --> 00:36:49,487 Oh! Oh! 748 00:36:49,660 --> 00:36:51,100 What on earth are they talking about? 749 00:36:51,125 --> 00:36:52,690 And don't tell me you understand. 750 00:36:52,715 --> 00:36:54,459 Too much for your precious ears. 751 00:36:55,868 --> 00:36:59,200 Why, speaking of stage-struck Jewish nuns, 752 00:36:59,428 --> 00:37:00,829 here's Edna! 753 00:37:01,409 --> 00:37:03,774 You almost look like a man today, Edna. 754 00:37:03,855 --> 00:37:05,266 So do you, Aleck. 755 00:37:07,213 --> 00:37:09,132 Madam Ferber's so diligent in her duties, 756 00:37:09,157 --> 00:37:10,816 I'm surprised she's deigned to join us. 757 00:37:10,860 --> 00:37:12,889 Well, coffee and sandwiches aren't my usual, 758 00:37:13,154 --> 00:37:15,034 but don't make me out a dullard to your friends. 759 00:37:15,059 --> 00:37:17,023 I always say, "there's no good sauce for play" 760 00:37:17,048 --> 00:37:18,054 like hard work." 761 00:37:18,213 --> 00:37:19,715 Please, sit down. 762 00:37:20,358 --> 00:37:21,690 Bite your tongue, mistress, 763 00:37:21,715 --> 00:37:24,007 before our Mrs. Parker does it for you. 764 00:37:26,095 --> 00:37:27,350 Ah, the two of you split 765 00:37:27,375 --> 00:37:29,135 without having written a flop yet, hey, Marc? 766 00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:29,920 That'll be the day. 767 00:37:29,944 --> 00:37:32,526 Oh, flops... These days, they're just a play 768 00:37:32,551 --> 00:37:34,399 where no one wears evening clothes. 769 00:37:34,424 --> 00:37:36,946 An Edna Ferberating statement if ever I've heard one. 770 00:37:36,971 --> 00:37:39,431 Oh, that couldn't be Ferber from the truth. 771 00:37:39,678 --> 00:37:40,707 You know what I admire? 772 00:37:40,732 --> 00:37:42,172 It's an artist who's got enough brio 773 00:37:42,196 --> 00:37:43,678 to embrace main street. 774 00:37:43,781 --> 00:37:44,941 Though the range of his works 775 00:37:44,965 --> 00:37:47,194 may be from bad to horrible? 776 00:37:47,517 --> 00:37:49,281 I think far too wide a stretch 777 00:37:49,306 --> 00:37:51,121 is made of the word "artist,". 778 00:37:51,630 --> 00:37:53,934 Because I don't think that word is elastic. 779 00:37:55,416 --> 00:37:59,202 If I did, I'd be better company. 780 00:37:59,846 --> 00:38:01,351 Well, I think 781 00:38:01,376 --> 00:38:04,671 you're wonderful company, Mrs. Parker. 782 00:38:04,696 --> 00:38:07,313 Homemade fudge, anyone? 783 00:38:07,767 --> 00:38:08,830 Edna, uh... 784 00:38:08,855 --> 00:38:10,481 I love your fudge, George. 785 00:38:10,527 --> 00:38:12,035 Who's the actual producer 786 00:38:12,060 --> 00:38:13,308 of no good ring? 787 00:38:13,637 --> 00:38:15,055 My little dream Princess, 788 00:38:15,279 --> 00:38:18,991 I will plan, cast, and Polish the entire revue 789 00:38:19,070 --> 00:38:21,281 with my usual revolutionary taste. 790 00:38:21,367 --> 00:38:22,702 The devil you will. 791 00:38:25,535 --> 00:38:28,300 Ladies and gentlemen, 792 00:38:28,442 --> 00:38:32,942 tonight, 12 rounds in 3 acts. 793 00:38:33,230 --> 00:38:36,413 Of unregulated artistic impulse. 794 00:38:37,091 --> 00:38:39,302 In the well-lit corner, 795 00:38:39,842 --> 00:38:41,092 the vicious circle. 796 00:38:41,117 --> 00:38:43,695 Of the hotel Algonquin. 797 00:38:44,246 --> 00:38:45,372 Algonquin. 798 00:38:45,397 --> 00:38:47,203 And in the darkened corner, 799 00:38:47,250 --> 00:38:48,465 well, the sort of thing 800 00:38:48,490 --> 00:38:51,213 one usually finds in a darkened corner. 801 00:38:51,727 --> 00:38:54,736 Tonight, the no-walkout rule 802 00:38:54,761 --> 00:38:56,400 will be in effect. 803 00:38:56,811 --> 00:38:58,152 And our judges this evening 804 00:38:58,177 --> 00:39:00,662 will be your trampled sensitivities. 805 00:39:00,974 --> 00:39:03,810 We shall be quite vulgar and unduly exhibitionist, 806 00:39:03,835 --> 00:39:06,836 chief characteristic distinguishing man from beast, 807 00:39:07,414 --> 00:39:11,293 and so now, as usual, we'll shoot ourselves. 808 00:39:19,383 --> 00:39:21,440 ♪ We got the blues 809 00:39:21,465 --> 00:39:25,386 ♪ we believe we said before we got the blues ♪ 810 00:39:25,749 --> 00:39:29,210 ♪ They're little flappers, never growin' up ♪ 811 00:39:29,266 --> 00:39:32,448 ♪ And they've all been flappin' since Belasco was a pup ♪ 812 00:39:32,473 --> 00:39:33,485 ♪ We got the blues 813 00:39:33,510 --> 00:39:34,546 ♪ they've got the blues 814 00:39:34,547 --> 00:39:35,387 ♪ we got the blues... 815 00:39:35,411 --> 00:39:36,363 ♪ they've got the blues 816 00:39:36,388 --> 00:39:37,745 Didn't know you played. 817 00:39:37,823 --> 00:39:39,699 Yes. That was my execution. 818 00:39:40,093 --> 00:39:42,440 ♪ We got the blues 819 00:39:42,465 --> 00:39:45,801 ♪ I'm an ingenue, and I've got the blues ♪ 820 00:39:46,130 --> 00:39:49,357 ♪ As everyone can plainly see ♪ 821 00:39:50,029 --> 00:39:53,730 ♪ It's 'cause an ingenue must promise to ♪ 822 00:39:53,755 --> 00:39:56,502 ♪ Imprison her virginity ♪ 823 00:39:57,119 --> 00:40:01,038 ♪ I check my maidenhead in my producer's bed ♪ 824 00:40:01,063 --> 00:40:03,939 ♪ Oh, gosh, I guess the joke's on me ♪ 825 00:40:04,478 --> 00:40:05,516 ♪ We got the blues... 826 00:40:05,541 --> 00:40:06,959 They're extremely depressed, 827 00:40:07,277 --> 00:40:10,071 and there's nothing that I can do about it. 828 00:40:10,632 --> 00:40:13,342 Ah, the prodigal bum has returned. 829 00:40:13,384 --> 00:40:14,229 How's it going? 830 00:40:14,254 --> 00:40:15,237 Hey, it's great. 831 00:40:15,421 --> 00:40:16,789 Why are you writing numbers? 832 00:40:16,814 --> 00:40:17,981 Mmm. My report. 833 00:40:18,278 --> 00:40:19,905 Report? What about the sketch, man? 834 00:40:19,930 --> 00:40:20,720 Your sketch. 835 00:40:20,745 --> 00:40:22,924 - Sketch? - Your sketch. You're next. You're on. 836 00:40:22,949 --> 00:40:24,429 You wanted an account of the finances. 837 00:40:24,453 --> 00:40:26,276 That's what Connelly told me. 838 00:40:26,954 --> 00:40:29,040 Don't point the scinger of forn at me, Benchley. 839 00:40:29,065 --> 00:40:29,963 Dorothy... 840 00:40:29,988 --> 00:40:31,112 - If you want to drink, ruin your life... - Share this with... 841 00:40:31,136 --> 00:40:33,437 your friend who I believe is in need of inspiration. 842 00:40:33,577 --> 00:40:35,886 Liquor makes people behave unlike themselves. 843 00:40:35,911 --> 00:40:37,376 Why on earth would you want people 844 00:40:37,418 --> 00:40:38,568 to behave like themselves? 845 00:40:38,626 --> 00:40:39,876 Well, in your case, I... 846 00:40:40,044 --> 00:40:40,791 Ahem. 847 00:40:46,324 --> 00:40:49,048 It's like a train station. 848 00:40:50,210 --> 00:40:51,165 Don't look at me 849 00:40:51,190 --> 00:40:52,905 in that tone of voice, Mr. Benchley. 850 00:40:52,930 --> 00:40:54,598 May I see that, please? 851 00:40:54,870 --> 00:40:55,775 Thank you. 852 00:40:55,800 --> 00:40:57,422 Oh, it's my uncle Albert. 853 00:40:57,842 --> 00:40:59,042 That's exactly how he smelled. 854 00:40:59,067 --> 00:40:59,907 What's it taste like? 855 00:40:59,932 --> 00:41:01,246 Like it smells. 856 00:41:01,271 --> 00:41:02,481 Now, give it here. 857 00:41:03,553 --> 00:41:05,141 I won't be the cause of your corruption. 858 00:41:05,166 --> 00:41:06,315 My corruption? 859 00:41:06,340 --> 00:41:07,894 Two minutes, you're on. 860 00:41:08,525 --> 00:41:10,845 Come along and hold me up, Mrs. Parker. 861 00:41:10,878 --> 00:41:13,763 ♪ Never growing up 862 00:41:13,788 --> 00:41:16,664 ♪ and we've all been flapping since Belasco was a pup ♪ 863 00:41:16,817 --> 00:41:17,989 ♪ We got the blues 864 00:41:18,014 --> 00:41:19,054 they've got the blues. 865 00:41:19,079 --> 00:41:20,180 ♪ We got the blues... 866 00:41:20,205 --> 00:41:22,165 Too bad Eddie didn't stick around. 867 00:41:22,552 --> 00:41:25,394 He likes leg and Fanny numbers. 868 00:41:25,964 --> 00:41:27,778 He went back to Hartford? 869 00:41:28,815 --> 00:41:31,156 And it was all going so well. 870 00:41:31,714 --> 00:41:33,340 ♪ ...blues ♪ 871 00:41:33,836 --> 00:41:36,370 ♪ Copeland and Connelly, Connelly and Copeland ♪ 872 00:41:36,395 --> 00:41:38,430 ♪ The playwrights of the prairie ♪ 873 00:41:38,455 --> 00:41:40,999 Hey, girls, how'd you like to be in a show? 874 00:41:41,060 --> 00:41:42,304 Yeah! Yeah! 875 00:41:42,329 --> 00:41:44,338 All right, let's go back to the dressing room. 876 00:41:44,363 --> 00:41:46,489 And, uh, talk. 877 00:41:47,227 --> 00:41:48,482 What's funny is a laugh 878 00:41:48,507 --> 00:41:50,369 wrapped inside a fact. That's funny. 879 00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:51,377 That's funny. 880 00:41:51,402 --> 00:41:53,913 That would be some of our Mrs. Parker's unprintable verse. 881 00:41:53,938 --> 00:41:55,565 Come on. Come on. 882 00:41:55,754 --> 00:41:58,970 You're in a Broadway theater now. I want you to behave yourself. 883 00:41:59,086 --> 00:42:01,338 Careful, please! 884 00:42:03,505 --> 00:42:05,549 Oh, careful of the tomatoes. 885 00:42:05,823 --> 00:42:07,149 Wonderful! Wonderful! 886 00:42:07,174 --> 00:42:08,841 New careers for everyone. 887 00:42:08,944 --> 00:42:10,278 Very nice. 888 00:42:15,426 --> 00:42:17,384 It's an obsession with women's clothing. 889 00:42:17,409 --> 00:42:19,769 Oh, you look wonderful, ravishing. 890 00:42:19,794 --> 00:42:21,835 Jane, listen, I can't go to this party. 891 00:42:21,860 --> 00:42:23,547 Please, can we not go? 892 00:42:23,601 --> 00:42:24,801 Get out of my way, Ross. 893 00:42:24,826 --> 00:42:26,316 I'm here with someone with talent. 894 00:42:26,385 --> 00:42:27,103 Oh! 895 00:42:27,128 --> 00:42:31,253 Thank you, Mr. Sherwood and your lovely companions. 896 00:42:31,877 --> 00:42:33,867 Certainly, "he who gets flapped" 897 00:42:34,020 --> 00:42:37,640 loses nothing in its translation from the original Russian. 898 00:42:38,087 --> 00:42:39,066 And now, 899 00:42:39,091 --> 00:42:43,138 it is with a great sense of mystery that I... 900 00:42:43,163 --> 00:42:45,077 Try to pay attention, Mrs. Parker. 901 00:42:45,102 --> 00:42:46,088 Don't break a leg. 902 00:42:46,113 --> 00:42:48,313 - Mr. Robert Benchley... - I'll enter from the trenches. 903 00:42:48,337 --> 00:42:49,824 And his report. 904 00:43:04,629 --> 00:43:06,297 I shall, uh, 905 00:43:06,574 --> 00:43:09,184 take but a very few moments of your time this evening. 906 00:43:09,432 --> 00:43:10,712 I realize that you'd much rather 907 00:43:10,736 --> 00:43:14,895 be listening to this interesting entertainment 908 00:43:14,920 --> 00:43:17,214 than to a dry financial report. 909 00:43:17,490 --> 00:43:18,439 Ahem. 910 00:43:18,979 --> 00:43:21,356 But, uh, I am reminded of a story. 911 00:43:22,274 --> 00:43:25,097 Which you have probably, all of you, heard. 912 00:43:25,414 --> 00:43:28,249 Uh, it seems that there were these two Irishmen 913 00:43:28,328 --> 00:43:30,049 walking down the street, 914 00:43:30,074 --> 00:43:32,761 but when they came up... They came to a... 915 00:43:32,786 --> 00:43:34,865 Oh, I should have said that in the first place, 916 00:43:34,890 --> 00:43:38,898 that the store belonging to the Irish... the first Irishman... 917 00:43:40,192 --> 00:43:42,205 The first fella's store... 918 00:43:45,566 --> 00:43:47,900 Uh, well, anyway... 919 00:43:48,885 --> 00:43:50,649 The, uh, parrot... 920 00:43:53,997 --> 00:43:56,211 Now, in connection with reading this report, 921 00:43:56,236 --> 00:43:57,670 there are one or two points which. 922 00:43:57,695 --> 00:43:59,839 Dr. Murnie wanted brought up in connection with it, 923 00:43:59,949 --> 00:44:02,029 and he has asked me to bring them up in... 924 00:44:02,112 --> 00:44:03,173 To bring them up. 925 00:44:03,992 --> 00:44:06,053 The first is in regard to 926 00:44:06,099 --> 00:44:07,739 the work that we are trying to do up there 927 00:44:07,763 --> 00:44:09,627 at our little place at Silver Lake... 928 00:44:09,799 --> 00:44:11,376 A work that we feel 929 00:44:11,401 --> 00:44:14,029 not only fills a very definite need in the community, 930 00:44:14,318 --> 00:44:16,916 but also fills a very definite need... 931 00:44:18,484 --> 00:44:19,750 in the community. 932 00:44:19,775 --> 00:44:20,711 Ahem. 933 00:44:21,545 --> 00:44:23,186 Uh, the... I don't think 934 00:44:23,187 --> 00:44:25,692 many of our members of our society 935 00:44:25,717 --> 00:44:28,911 realize just how big the work is we're trying to do up there. 936 00:44:29,660 --> 00:44:31,540 For instance, I don't think it's generally known 937 00:44:31,564 --> 00:44:34,103 that most of our boys are between the age of 14. 938 00:44:36,560 --> 00:44:39,731 Uh, we feel that by taking the boy at this age, 939 00:44:39,756 --> 00:44:42,938 we can get closer to his real nature, 940 00:44:43,813 --> 00:44:46,803 and a boy has a very real nature, you may be sure. 941 00:44:48,922 --> 00:44:52,679 Dottie, I'd like you to meet my new discovery... Baby Vomit. 942 00:44:53,066 --> 00:44:54,787 Beware, her Lacy sleeve 943 00:44:54,812 --> 00:44:57,017 has a bottle of vitriol concealed in its folds. 944 00:44:57,186 --> 00:44:58,600 Well get a load of this guy. 945 00:44:58,756 --> 00:45:02,069 Blows into Tony's like something cut loose from the Macy's day parade, 946 00:45:02,276 --> 00:45:04,615 brings me here to meet one of my favorite writers, 947 00:45:04,682 --> 00:45:05,905 forgets my name. 948 00:45:05,930 --> 00:45:07,911 Well, it's Charles. Charlie. 949 00:45:08,228 --> 00:45:09,896 Charlie MacArthur. 950 00:45:10,258 --> 00:45:12,424 Pleased to meet you, Mr. Vomit. 951 00:45:19,176 --> 00:45:21,032 Charlie's new at the American. 952 00:45:21,057 --> 00:45:24,023 Very amusing fellow from Chicago with theatrical ambitions. 953 00:45:24,125 --> 00:45:25,688 I thought I'd come lay him at your feet 954 00:45:25,713 --> 00:45:27,614 like the faithful retriever that I am. 955 00:45:27,684 --> 00:45:29,170 Bad dog, Aleck. 956 00:45:29,498 --> 00:45:31,228 I heard your husband might be away. 957 00:45:31,253 --> 00:45:33,904 Well, his wife's in Chicago. 958 00:45:34,332 --> 00:45:36,332 Aleck, do you meddle in all your friends' sex lives 959 00:45:36,356 --> 00:45:37,849 just because they have them? 960 00:45:37,874 --> 00:45:39,175 I knew you'd be pleased. 961 00:45:39,200 --> 00:45:42,661 Now, it seems to me that the people who criti... 962 00:45:43,246 --> 00:45:45,290 Why, criticize, that, uh... 963 00:45:47,274 --> 00:45:49,317 The, uh, the people who... 964 00:45:49,872 --> 00:45:53,657 Why, as a matter of fact, it was done just as, uh, economically as... 965 00:45:55,364 --> 00:45:56,775 as is possible. 966 00:45:57,040 --> 00:45:58,791 Even more so. 967 00:46:01,558 --> 00:46:03,956 Mr. Rossiter, uh, unfortunately, 968 00:46:03,997 --> 00:46:05,678 our treasurer... 969 00:46:06,890 --> 00:46:07,791 Uh... 970 00:46:08,523 --> 00:46:10,003 Mr. Rossiter, our treasurer, 971 00:46:10,485 --> 00:46:14,121 unfortunately is confined to his home 972 00:46:14,305 --> 00:46:16,558 with a bad head cold, 973 00:46:17,231 --> 00:46:19,162 and, uh, I, uh... 974 00:46:19,887 --> 00:46:20,926 Excuse me. 975 00:46:20,951 --> 00:46:22,243 Ahem. 976 00:46:26,906 --> 00:46:28,100 Oh. 977 00:46:29,959 --> 00:46:30,897 Well... 978 00:46:32,403 --> 00:46:34,060 The joke seems to be on me. 979 00:46:34,399 --> 00:46:36,374 Mr. Rossiter has pneumonia. 980 00:46:38,427 --> 00:46:39,446 Who is this guy? 981 00:46:39,578 --> 00:46:41,353 Robert Benchley, Life Magazine. 982 00:46:41,454 --> 00:46:43,001 That's Benchley, the drama critic? 983 00:46:43,026 --> 00:46:44,247 Mm-hmm. A Saint. 984 00:46:44,272 --> 00:46:45,857 A Saint, no less. 985 00:46:46,307 --> 00:46:48,160 Well, it's a good thing he's so goddamn funny. 986 00:46:48,215 --> 00:46:50,682 Yes, it is. It's a goddamn good thing. 987 00:46:50,953 --> 00:46:52,400 - Aleck. - What, Ruth? 988 00:46:52,425 --> 00:46:55,148 - We're next. - Don't worry. Calm down, Ruth. 989 00:46:55,351 --> 00:46:58,271 The treasurer's, uh, report. 990 00:47:07,297 --> 00:47:08,617 He was the best thing in the show, 991 00:47:08,641 --> 00:47:10,071 so into my column he goes. 992 00:47:10,677 --> 00:47:12,221 Robert is a writer, not an actor. 993 00:47:12,320 --> 00:47:14,697 Besides, he would never have time for performing, 994 00:47:14,857 --> 00:47:16,964 what with myself and the boys in Scarsdale, 995 00:47:16,988 --> 00:47:18,503 and his job with the magazine. 996 00:47:18,528 --> 00:47:19,808 As it is, he's got to be careful 997 00:47:19,832 --> 00:47:21,440 he doesn't work himself into the ground. 998 00:47:21,465 --> 00:47:23,676 I know, I've seen it happen before, Gertrude. 999 00:47:23,701 --> 00:47:26,140 Never underestimate the power of applause. 1000 00:47:26,663 --> 00:47:29,909 Marc, from one's self expect applause. 1001 00:47:29,951 --> 00:47:33,332 - He noblest lives and noblest dies... - Help me. Help me, Mrs. Parker. 1002 00:47:33,955 --> 00:47:36,226 Well, Irving Berlin and Sam Harris... 1003 00:47:36,251 --> 00:47:37,958 right behind you, directly behind you... 1004 00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:39,834 want me and the treasurer's report. 1005 00:47:39,859 --> 00:47:41,777 To be in their next revue. 1006 00:47:41,802 --> 00:47:42,875 Oh, how do you do? 1007 00:47:42,900 --> 00:47:45,529 Uh, ahem. It seems that, well, I... I... I... 1008 00:47:45,695 --> 00:47:47,883 I... I... I... 1009 00:47:48,423 --> 00:47:51,521 I couldn't justify a critic like myself being... 1010 00:47:51,677 --> 00:47:53,770 Well, having a paid job on stage... 1011 00:47:54,285 --> 00:47:56,005 But I didn't want to offend them and say no, 1012 00:47:56,029 --> 00:47:59,394 so I asked for $500, and I thought they'd just laugh, 1013 00:47:59,395 --> 00:48:00,543 and the next thing I know, 1014 00:48:00,568 --> 00:48:02,481 Harris is gleaming at me with those... 1015 00:48:02,506 --> 00:48:05,091 And saying, "for $500, you better be awfully good." 1016 00:48:05,265 --> 00:48:08,451 I'm a bit flustered. I guess we'll see what happens. 1017 00:48:08,820 --> 00:48:10,340 Congratulations. I'm Charles MacArthur. 1018 00:48:10,364 --> 00:48:12,524 - How do you do? - I'm Robert Benchley. - I'm so sorry. 1019 00:48:12,548 --> 00:48:15,455 Excuse me. I have to tell my... my wife. 1020 00:48:15,480 --> 00:48:16,898 Excuse me, Gertrude. 1021 00:48:18,410 --> 00:48:20,485 Would you like a drink before kissing me? 1022 00:48:26,182 --> 00:48:27,182 Yes. 1023 00:48:27,671 --> 00:48:29,731 If I don't drive around the park, 1024 00:48:29,756 --> 00:48:32,634 I'm pretty sure to make my Mark. 1025 00:48:32,925 --> 00:48:36,678 If I'm in bed each night by 10:00, 1026 00:48:36,679 --> 00:48:41,308 I may get back my looks again. 1027 00:48:41,350 --> 00:48:45,854 If I abstain from fun and such, 1028 00:48:45,896 --> 00:48:50,233 I'll probably amount to much, 1029 00:48:50,275 --> 00:48:55,363 but I shall stay the way I am, 1030 00:48:55,404 --> 00:48:58,190 because I do not give a damn. 1031 00:48:58,315 --> 00:48:59,751 Tim and I a-hunting went, 1032 00:48:59,782 --> 00:49:01,263 spied three women in a tent. 1033 00:49:01,288 --> 00:49:03,031 They being three, we being two, 1034 00:49:03,056 --> 00:49:05,998 I bucked one, and Tim bucked two. 1035 00:49:08,240 --> 00:49:10,325 Oh, here's Bobby's station. 1036 00:49:11,593 --> 00:49:13,985 One man's descent into hell, 1037 00:49:14,067 --> 00:49:15,672 where we're all waiting for you. 1038 00:49:15,733 --> 00:49:17,460 Say hello to my father, will you, Rob? 1039 00:49:19,684 --> 00:49:21,268 If I can find him. 1040 00:49:26,623 --> 00:49:28,393 This place ought to be closed. 1041 00:49:28,435 --> 00:49:29,894 By law. 1042 00:49:29,936 --> 00:49:31,396 Ha ha ha! 1043 00:49:31,651 --> 00:49:33,319 And thank you. 1044 00:49:33,854 --> 00:49:35,855 That's what I thought you'd say. 1045 00:49:36,347 --> 00:49:38,060 Rob, how do you feel? 1046 00:49:38,085 --> 00:49:40,212 How do I feel? I... 1047 00:49:40,404 --> 00:49:44,147 I must say, I... Feel like an angel. 1048 00:49:44,172 --> 00:49:45,465 Ha ha! 1049 00:49:45,660 --> 00:49:46,994 Some friendly advice, Benchley. 1050 00:49:47,035 --> 00:49:48,672 The best way to avoid a hangover 1051 00:49:48,697 --> 00:49:49,790 is to stay drunk. 1052 00:49:49,815 --> 00:49:52,015 How does a sophisticated gentleman know when he's drunk? 1053 00:49:52,039 --> 00:49:55,097 When he can't pronounce sophisticated anymore. 1054 00:49:55,122 --> 00:49:56,488 Isn't she adorable? 1055 00:49:56,862 --> 00:49:57,987 She's delirious. 1056 00:49:58,330 --> 00:49:59,845 That's why she's adorable. 1057 00:49:59,870 --> 00:50:02,372 Well, to get back to me, 1058 00:50:02,695 --> 00:50:04,179 I was wondering how it could have been 1059 00:50:04,204 --> 00:50:06,835 so awful drinking with Eddie. 1060 00:50:08,136 --> 00:50:09,829 And so much fun 1061 00:50:09,854 --> 00:50:12,666 drinking with all of you. 1062 00:50:12,760 --> 00:50:14,885 Is that a loaded question? 1063 00:50:16,171 --> 00:50:17,880 Because you're married to him. 1064 00:50:18,256 --> 00:50:20,848 Might be more fun sleeping with somebody else, too. 1065 00:50:21,075 --> 00:50:21,798 Ahem. 1066 00:50:21,823 --> 00:50:23,091 Oh, dear, dear, 1067 00:50:23,105 --> 00:50:26,515 is the, um, subject in danger of turning to sex? 1068 00:50:26,696 --> 00:50:27,828 No more than usual. 1069 00:50:27,853 --> 00:50:29,293 Because we wouldn't want Charlie here 1070 00:50:29,317 --> 00:50:31,652 to think that's all we ever talk about. 1071 00:50:31,959 --> 00:50:33,011 Don't look now, toots, 1072 00:50:33,036 --> 00:50:35,628 but no matter how much you talk about sex, 1073 00:50:35,751 --> 00:50:38,212 you never know how the other fellow does it. 1074 00:50:38,386 --> 00:50:40,278 Why would you want to know that? 1075 00:50:40,303 --> 00:50:41,522 Well, you would know 1076 00:50:41,547 --> 00:50:43,862 if you were an experienced woman, 1077 00:50:44,471 --> 00:50:48,326 but of course, it would be bad manners to tell, 1078 00:50:48,351 --> 00:50:50,343 now, wouldn't it? 1079 00:50:56,351 --> 00:50:59,452 Cops are here. Everybody speak easy. 1080 00:51:00,160 --> 00:51:02,162 Through the kitchen. 1081 00:51:12,510 --> 00:51:14,046 This way. 1082 00:51:15,019 --> 00:51:16,725 All right, everybody. 1083 00:51:16,867 --> 00:51:17,857 Settle down. 1084 00:51:17,882 --> 00:51:20,013 We're going to take a little ride. 1085 00:51:20,158 --> 00:51:21,651 One at a time. Come on. 1086 00:51:22,553 --> 00:51:24,737 You're coming with us this evening. 1087 00:51:26,266 --> 00:51:28,108 - Nice faces. - Lovely hats, too. 1088 00:51:29,938 --> 00:51:31,212 Put your drink away! 1089 00:51:31,782 --> 00:51:34,173 Ha ha! This is wonderful! 1090 00:51:35,754 --> 00:51:38,174 Oh, shit! I left my purse inside. 1091 00:51:38,199 --> 00:51:39,679 That's all right. They'll return it... 1092 00:51:39,703 --> 00:51:41,663 Federal good manners act and all. 1093 00:51:41,742 --> 00:51:43,702 Wait here. I excel at this. 1094 00:51:44,033 --> 00:51:44,739 What? 1095 00:51:51,149 --> 00:51:54,234 Press. The American. Mind if I take a look? 1096 00:51:54,453 --> 00:51:56,712 This fella conks me on the head, 1097 00:51:56,737 --> 00:51:58,405 and thus goes my heart. 1098 00:51:58,705 --> 00:52:00,290 Ah, love conks her all. 1099 00:52:00,315 --> 00:52:03,024 He's wild and mad and fleet. 1100 00:52:04,070 --> 00:52:05,390 I may have him mounted. 1101 00:52:05,415 --> 00:52:07,000 Yes, one would assume. 1102 00:52:21,990 --> 00:52:22,986 Philip. 1103 00:52:26,169 --> 00:52:27,379 Here we are. 1104 00:52:27,670 --> 00:52:28,645 Taxi. 1105 00:52:28,670 --> 00:52:29,809 - Hello! - I'm engaged. 1106 00:52:29,834 --> 00:52:30,954 - He's engaged. - Oh you are? 1107 00:52:30,978 --> 00:52:33,278 Then be happy. Congratulations. 1108 00:52:33,312 --> 00:52:35,230 - Lousy goddam New Yorker. - Now, now now. 1109 00:52:35,255 --> 00:52:38,126 Gentlemen! Would you strike this man? 1110 00:52:38,151 --> 00:52:39,791 Want to do something about it, pip-squeak? 1111 00:52:39,815 --> 00:52:41,014 New York will be deprived 1112 00:52:41,039 --> 00:52:43,710 of its annual Gilbert and Sullivan revival, 1113 00:52:43,823 --> 00:52:44,645 I think. 1114 00:52:44,670 --> 00:52:46,057 Oh the hell with him. Let's walk. 1115 00:52:46,058 --> 00:52:47,169 Nice meeting you, however. 1116 00:52:47,194 --> 00:52:49,931 I love the rain. I am sister to the rain. 1117 00:52:49,956 --> 00:52:51,666 My place is closest, sister. 1118 00:52:51,824 --> 00:52:53,075 Well just missed my last train. 1119 00:52:53,100 --> 00:52:54,251 I guess I'm coming, too. 1120 00:52:54,390 --> 00:52:56,048 I'm a late sleeper. 1121 00:52:56,073 --> 00:52:57,929 I'll be sure to boil my eggs gently 1122 00:52:57,954 --> 00:52:59,030 and not scrape my toast. 1123 00:52:59,143 --> 00:53:00,110 Hello. Excuse me. 1124 00:53:00,135 --> 00:53:03,005 Hey, wait, there. 47th and 7th, please. 1125 00:53:03,383 --> 00:53:04,982 Thank you very much. 1126 00:53:10,518 --> 00:53:11,737 Thank you. 1127 00:53:13,754 --> 00:53:14,680 Hello. 1128 00:53:16,013 --> 00:53:16,875 Oh. 1129 00:53:20,058 --> 00:53:21,017 Hello. 1130 00:53:23,124 --> 00:53:25,437 Thank you for the robe. 1131 00:53:26,111 --> 00:53:27,295 Cheers. 1132 00:53:29,253 --> 00:53:31,838 My apartment is shamefully undeveloped 1133 00:53:31,942 --> 00:53:33,193 compared to yours. 1134 00:53:33,751 --> 00:53:36,145 Ah, well, a friend helped me fix up the place. 1135 00:53:36,858 --> 00:53:38,896 I should say a few friends. 1136 00:53:42,016 --> 00:53:44,012 Oh, do you enjoy Swinburne? 1137 00:53:44,610 --> 00:53:47,863 Look... before you start analyzing my books, 1138 00:53:48,585 --> 00:53:50,286 there's something I should clear up. 1139 00:53:50,483 --> 00:53:52,620 You didn't pick them out, either. 1140 00:53:54,736 --> 00:53:55,861 I lied when I told you 1141 00:53:55,886 --> 00:53:57,994 you were one of my favorite writers. 1142 00:54:05,316 --> 00:54:07,610 And I lied when I smiled. 1143 00:54:10,341 --> 00:54:12,458 It's just that I've read more about you... 1144 00:54:12,875 --> 00:54:15,203 What Dorothy Parker thinks of this or that... 1145 00:54:15,302 --> 00:54:16,970 than your actual writing. 1146 00:54:18,492 --> 00:54:20,786 Not counting the fluff, of course. 1147 00:54:22,067 --> 00:54:23,735 Fluff pays the rent. 1148 00:54:25,582 --> 00:54:28,654 Yeah, but if I were you, I'd be worried. 1149 00:54:28,679 --> 00:54:29,974 Oh, how dare you? 1150 00:54:29,999 --> 00:54:31,266 How dare you? 1151 00:54:34,157 --> 00:54:34,857 Come. 1152 00:54:34,911 --> 00:54:35,611 What? 1153 00:54:36,012 --> 00:54:36,803 Come here. 1154 00:54:37,186 --> 00:54:38,465 What, I'm supposed to worry. 1155 00:54:38,490 --> 00:54:41,114 Because a self-confessed liar and sycophant 1156 00:54:41,139 --> 00:54:42,665 whose place looks like it's been 1157 00:54:42,690 --> 00:54:44,400 decorated by the Junior League 1158 00:54:44,425 --> 00:54:45,863 tells me to? 1159 00:54:46,406 --> 00:54:47,355 That's right. 1160 00:54:48,543 --> 00:54:50,016 I'm not going in there. 1161 00:54:50,808 --> 00:54:51,925 Why? 1162 00:54:52,668 --> 00:54:54,420 Because I've read my share. 1163 00:54:55,015 --> 00:54:56,160 Oh, really? 1164 00:54:56,569 --> 00:54:57,378 Yeah. 1165 00:54:57,821 --> 00:55:00,042 Well, did you know that I sold a short story 1166 00:55:00,067 --> 00:55:02,012 that took months to write? 1167 00:55:02,165 --> 00:55:03,100 That's, um... 1168 00:55:03,781 --> 00:55:06,374 Fiction, for your information. 1169 00:55:06,791 --> 00:55:08,944 My low brow is not congenital, Dot. 1170 00:55:09,317 --> 00:55:10,255 I saw it. 1171 00:55:10,506 --> 00:55:13,091 About a henpecked husband living in the suburbs... 1172 00:55:13,998 --> 00:55:15,660 seemed a lot like Benchley. 1173 00:55:26,842 --> 00:55:28,465 Now, don't be mad. 1174 00:55:29,059 --> 00:55:30,152 Dream bigger. 1175 00:55:31,427 --> 00:55:32,594 Like you? 1176 00:55:33,173 --> 00:55:35,038 Yeah, like me. 1177 00:55:35,964 --> 00:55:38,258 And you're going to help, I suppose. 1178 00:55:38,464 --> 00:55:40,668 Sure. Whatever you want. 1179 00:55:41,610 --> 00:55:42,814 It could be... 1180 00:55:43,111 --> 00:55:44,693 one of the very best. 1181 00:55:45,147 --> 00:55:46,805 I think you'd want to find out. 1182 00:55:49,249 --> 00:55:51,723 And this must be some sort of sophisticated 1183 00:55:51,748 --> 00:55:54,180 Midwestern farm-boy routine. 1184 00:55:55,239 --> 00:55:57,351 Uh... what's my line? 1185 00:55:57,376 --> 00:56:00,456 - For a little person, you talk an awful lot. - You want to hitch up a mule... 1186 00:56:00,480 --> 00:56:02,673 ...and plow my fertile fields? 1187 00:57:29,299 --> 00:57:31,965 No, but I'm glad you're by the book. 1188 00:57:36,632 --> 00:57:39,093 I felt we were pretty good together for the first time. 1189 00:57:39,385 --> 00:57:41,923 I guess adultery takes practice. 1190 00:57:45,518 --> 00:57:47,770 Double adultery cancels itself out. 1191 00:57:50,496 --> 00:57:53,654 Questionable logic, but I like the theory. 1192 00:57:56,033 --> 00:57:58,124 What does your wife think about it? 1193 00:57:58,286 --> 00:58:01,705 Ah... don't worry about her. 1194 00:58:02,364 --> 00:58:03,865 We're clean. 1195 00:58:04,774 --> 00:58:05,832 Mmm. 1196 00:58:06,893 --> 00:58:08,864 How can you wake up so beautiful? 1197 00:58:11,884 --> 00:58:13,259 Oh, Charlie. 1198 00:58:14,767 --> 00:58:17,217 I'm going to wear my heart on my sleeve 1199 00:58:17,242 --> 00:58:20,333 like a wet, red stain. 1200 00:58:43,610 --> 00:58:46,294 A runaway train colliding. 1201 00:58:46,425 --> 00:58:48,690 You knew it was dangerous when you introduced them. 1202 00:58:48,721 --> 00:58:51,075 Cupid is judged on precision, not perils. 1203 00:58:51,117 --> 00:58:52,305 Don't look now, toots, 1204 00:58:52,330 --> 00:58:54,787 but this is the one she's been waiting for. 1205 00:58:54,812 --> 00:58:57,255 Oh, it's a little something for Woodrow. 1206 00:59:01,645 --> 00:59:03,686 We're engaged, everybody. 1207 00:59:05,012 --> 00:59:06,805 Dorothy's dog and I. 1208 00:59:09,036 --> 00:59:10,371 Sit. 1209 00:59:12,464 --> 00:59:14,023 Keep it down, everybody. 1210 00:59:15,848 --> 00:59:18,736 ...the bombs exploding all around me. 1211 00:59:20,386 --> 00:59:22,137 I was overcome with a... 1212 00:59:22,351 --> 00:59:24,395 a powerful feeling of optimism. 1213 00:59:25,849 --> 00:59:27,129 So I said to myself, 1214 00:59:27,154 --> 00:59:30,380 "MacArthur, this is the lowest point in your life. 1215 00:59:30,619 --> 00:59:33,108 From here on, everything will be an improvement." 1216 00:59:39,924 --> 00:59:41,217 Get more. 1217 00:59:48,086 --> 00:59:48,980 Queen's bet 5. 1218 00:59:49,005 --> 00:59:50,765 I don't know how wonderful they are together. 1219 00:59:50,789 --> 00:59:52,995 They're an ideal couple. I'd liked to have them both ♪♪ 1220 00:59:53,020 --> 00:59:54,940 MacArthur's got a terrific head on his shoulders. 1221 00:59:54,964 --> 00:59:56,450 Yeah, and a different one each night. 1222 00:59:56,729 --> 00:59:59,615 I remind you, there are two sides to mistress Dorothy. 1223 00:59:59,698 --> 01:00:01,265 Offensive and defensive. 1224 01:00:01,348 --> 01:00:03,106 Our founder. 1225 01:00:03,504 --> 01:00:04,344 If a man pursued her, 1226 01:00:04,368 --> 01:00:05,577 she wouldn't be interested. 1227 01:00:05,602 --> 01:00:07,136 Let that man pursue another woman, and 1228 01:00:07,161 --> 01:00:09,054 she'll fall deliriously in love with him. 1229 01:00:09,079 --> 01:00:10,856 With claws flashing and tears falling. 1230 01:00:11,073 --> 01:00:14,733 She's available, but she's the goddamndest fortress at the same time. 1231 01:00:14,758 --> 01:00:16,382 Yeah, a fortress of cards. 1232 01:00:16,407 --> 01:00:18,656 Our founder. 1233 01:00:18,862 --> 01:00:21,024 She really knows how to suffer. 1234 01:00:21,049 --> 01:00:23,438 The greatest little runner-downer there ever was. 1235 01:00:23,496 --> 01:00:24,875 Dottie can't be suffering 1236 01:00:24,900 --> 01:00:26,930 and still say all those funny things. 1237 01:00:28,250 --> 01:00:30,954 ♪ There wasn't a soul to greet me there ♪ 1238 01:00:30,979 --> 01:00:32,870 ♪ A lone stranger on your shore ♪ 1239 01:00:32,895 --> 01:00:35,188 ♪ But Irish luck was with me there ♪ 1240 01:00:35,213 --> 01:00:39,161 ♪ And wishes came galore ♪ 1241 01:00:39,186 --> 01:00:40,251 Happy birthday, Dottie. 1242 01:00:40,276 --> 01:00:41,676 Happy birthday, Dot. 1243 01:00:42,393 --> 01:00:45,195 Don't you think 29's dangerously ripe, darling? 1244 01:00:45,297 --> 01:00:46,359 Nah. 1245 01:00:46,959 --> 01:00:48,393 Just how I like 'em. 1246 01:00:53,051 --> 01:00:55,583 The tide's out. The table's set. 1247 01:00:56,407 --> 01:00:57,585 Everybody like clams? 1248 01:00:57,610 --> 01:00:58,410 Mmm. 1249 01:00:58,438 --> 01:00:59,939 Come on, Marc. 1250 01:01:00,238 --> 01:01:01,478 Can't we just whistle for them? 1251 01:01:01,595 --> 01:01:02,837 They don't have ears. 1252 01:01:02,916 --> 01:01:03,939 Grab that. 1253 01:01:06,923 --> 01:01:08,061 Dottie. 1254 01:01:09,527 --> 01:01:10,464 Oh. 1255 01:01:10,654 --> 01:01:12,231 Thank God. Nobody saw. 1256 01:01:12,577 --> 01:01:13,524 Oh. 1257 01:01:15,095 --> 01:01:16,819 I can't even get morning sickness 1258 01:01:16,844 --> 01:01:18,351 when you're supposed to. 1259 01:01:18,400 --> 01:01:19,787 Are you sure? 1260 01:01:20,280 --> 01:01:24,206 - Dottie. - Oh, Neyso, I wish the lord I weren't. 1261 01:01:33,354 --> 01:01:36,450 In April, 1262 01:01:37,502 --> 01:01:40,735 my one love came along, 1263 01:01:41,478 --> 01:01:45,674 and I ran the slope of my high hill. 1264 01:01:45,744 --> 01:01:48,703 To follow a thread of song. 1265 01:01:49,359 --> 01:01:53,192 His eyes were hard as porphyry. 1266 01:01:53,409 --> 01:01:56,711 With looking on cruel lands. 1267 01:01:57,136 --> 01:02:00,404 His voice went slipping over me 1268 01:02:00,429 --> 01:02:04,350 like terrible silver hands. 1269 01:02:05,717 --> 01:02:09,033 In April, 1270 01:02:09,529 --> 01:02:12,940 my love went whistling by, 1271 01:02:13,832 --> 01:02:17,816 and I stumbled here to my high hill. 1272 01:02:18,128 --> 01:02:20,702 Along the way of a lie. 1273 01:02:21,714 --> 01:02:24,967 Now what should I do in this place. 1274 01:02:25,188 --> 01:02:28,268 But sit and count the chimes, 1275 01:02:28,775 --> 01:02:33,029 and splash cold water on my face. 1276 01:02:33,454 --> 01:02:37,511 And spoil a page with rhymes? 1277 01:02:59,123 --> 01:03:00,953 Aw. What happened? 1278 01:03:00,978 --> 01:03:02,521 Did you fall asleep? 1279 01:03:04,936 --> 01:03:06,516 I went two hours in the theater 1280 01:03:06,541 --> 01:03:08,613 imagining you were dead somewhere. 1281 01:03:08,914 --> 01:03:11,350 Oh, Jesus Christ, Dot. I'm sorry. 1282 01:03:11,494 --> 01:03:13,166 Ah, don't be. It was more entertaining 1283 01:03:13,191 --> 01:03:15,106 than the play I was watching. 1284 01:03:15,404 --> 01:03:17,235 I'll... I'll just get dressed. 1285 01:03:17,272 --> 01:03:19,352 Cause that guy gave up on the whole thing quite early 1286 01:03:19,376 --> 01:03:21,520 and spent most of the evening on the floor 1287 01:03:21,545 --> 01:03:23,457 as a member of a volunteer search party. 1288 01:03:23,721 --> 01:03:24,944 To aid the lady on my left 1289 01:03:24,969 --> 01:03:26,673 in retrieving a missing rubber. 1290 01:03:26,761 --> 01:03:28,825 Oh, I left my lipstick here yesterday. 1291 01:03:35,714 --> 01:03:38,899 You know, it must be just as hard 1292 01:03:38,934 --> 01:03:40,570 to get that look right in life 1293 01:03:40,625 --> 01:03:42,419 as it is onstage. 1294 01:03:46,998 --> 01:03:48,958 Well, someone has to leave. 1295 01:03:49,641 --> 01:03:51,299 If you ask me, it ought to be the someone 1296 01:03:51,324 --> 01:03:53,467 who already has their clothes on, 1297 01:03:54,724 --> 01:03:56,150 but then... 1298 01:03:56,499 --> 01:03:58,792 you're the writers. 1299 01:04:02,394 --> 01:04:03,720 I'm just an actress. 1300 01:04:10,793 --> 01:04:12,927 Dorothy, cut the theatrics. 1301 01:04:13,299 --> 01:04:15,010 We're both still married. 1302 01:04:16,783 --> 01:04:18,683 We're in no position to... 1303 01:04:20,121 --> 01:04:21,859 Look, you know my situation. 1304 01:04:22,014 --> 01:04:24,218 And you know mine while you're up. 1305 01:04:25,914 --> 01:04:28,412 I said I'd help take care of it, and I meant it. 1306 01:04:32,883 --> 01:04:34,467 Here's your lipstick. 1307 01:04:34,667 --> 01:04:36,794 Does the gangplank need painting? 1308 01:04:40,363 --> 01:04:41,476 Dorothy... 1309 01:04:41,864 --> 01:04:43,444 You know I adore you, 1310 01:04:44,467 --> 01:04:45,947 but I'm not going to make any excuses. 1311 01:04:45,971 --> 01:04:47,838 Oh, no. Goodness, no. 1312 01:04:47,863 --> 01:04:50,748 It's all my fault. Really, it is. 1313 01:04:51,632 --> 01:04:54,023 Well, I wish I didn't have to go, 1314 01:04:54,048 --> 01:04:55,594 and let's hope I won't be rushing back 1315 01:04:55,619 --> 01:04:57,658 as fast as my little legs can carry me. 1316 01:04:58,261 --> 01:04:59,089 I can't tell you 1317 01:04:59,114 --> 01:05:01,825 how much I'll... miss you. 1318 01:05:03,252 --> 01:05:04,888 Just drive, please. 1319 01:05:14,331 --> 01:05:15,916 Where is he? 1320 01:05:16,270 --> 01:05:18,020 Did he telephone? 1321 01:05:19,372 --> 01:05:21,504 Why am I so cold? 1322 01:05:21,969 --> 01:05:23,046 It's the anesthesia. 1323 01:05:23,071 --> 01:05:24,625 We had to give you extra. 1324 01:05:24,987 --> 01:05:26,267 You must have been further along 1325 01:05:26,291 --> 01:05:27,628 than you told the doctor. 1326 01:05:41,675 --> 01:05:43,060 Your hangover is going 1327 01:05:43,085 --> 01:05:45,496 straight to the Smithsonian, Mrs. Parker. 1328 01:05:45,604 --> 01:05:48,018 Once it kills me and becomes famous, you mean. 1329 01:05:48,043 --> 01:05:49,502 Jesus. Don't say that. 1330 01:05:50,374 --> 01:05:53,174 You know, there's a lesson for all of us in this. 1331 01:05:53,704 --> 01:05:55,206 What's that, Sherry? 1332 01:05:56,815 --> 01:05:58,183 Well, I don't know. 1333 01:05:59,866 --> 01:06:01,128 Good night, everyone. 1334 01:06:02,451 --> 01:06:05,198 Yes, well, it's getting to be that time, 1335 01:06:05,223 --> 01:06:06,042 isn't it? 1336 01:06:06,657 --> 01:06:07,758 Coming, Dot? 1337 01:06:10,812 --> 01:06:12,540 Time does flit. 1338 01:06:12,605 --> 01:06:14,065 Oh, shit. 1339 01:06:15,829 --> 01:06:16,552 Good night. 1340 01:06:17,230 --> 01:06:19,235 Damn it. My watch has stopped. 1341 01:06:19,513 --> 01:06:20,594 Oh? 1342 01:06:25,891 --> 01:06:28,101 You wound it too tightly. 1343 01:06:30,951 --> 01:06:32,718 Perhaps it is in need of lubrication. 1344 01:06:32,743 --> 01:06:34,508 Let's go wild tonight! 1345 01:06:35,349 --> 01:06:37,146 There's plenty of time to do nothing 1346 01:06:37,171 --> 01:06:38,537 once you're dead. 1347 01:06:39,161 --> 01:06:40,490 Please don't use that word. 1348 01:06:40,515 --> 01:06:42,475 What do you say, Mr. Benchley? 1349 01:06:42,588 --> 01:06:44,734 You want to go wild tonight? 1350 01:06:45,821 --> 01:06:47,489 Thank you Mr. Benchley. 1351 01:06:48,502 --> 01:06:49,597 Mr. Benchley? 1352 01:06:51,373 --> 01:06:52,290 Fred! 1353 01:06:52,315 --> 01:06:53,089 Hmm? 1354 01:06:53,515 --> 01:06:56,270 Oh, perhaps I should see you home, Mrs. P. 1355 01:06:56,442 --> 01:06:59,172 We can recite crossing the bar along the way. 1356 01:06:59,419 --> 01:07:00,879 What do you think? 1357 01:07:01,367 --> 01:07:04,312 I can't sleep worth sour apples. 1358 01:07:05,229 --> 01:07:08,264 I keep seeing these little... 1359 01:07:08,289 --> 01:07:11,066 hands and feet... 1360 01:07:11,450 --> 01:07:13,435 And a head full of curly hair, 1361 01:07:13,460 --> 01:07:15,437 just like Charlie's. 1362 01:07:15,901 --> 01:07:17,861 God is standing over me 1363 01:07:18,012 --> 01:07:20,342 in a doctor's jacket... 1364 01:07:20,958 --> 01:07:24,605 Shaking his long, rubber-gloved finger. 1365 01:07:24,630 --> 01:07:27,047 That's very phallic. Don't you think? 1366 01:07:27,813 --> 01:07:30,979 But I... I... Can't understand 1367 01:07:31,004 --> 01:07:32,270 what God is saying. 1368 01:07:32,473 --> 01:07:35,933 Because he's got a mask over his face. 1369 01:07:38,794 --> 01:07:40,607 Isn't that just like him? 1370 01:07:43,590 --> 01:07:47,074 Oh, you poor, hungry thing. 1371 01:07:52,457 --> 01:07:53,731 All right. 1372 01:07:54,866 --> 01:07:56,534 Up we go. 1373 01:07:59,575 --> 01:08:00,892 Ooh. 1374 01:08:11,540 --> 01:08:13,250 Look, Woodrow. 1375 01:08:13,275 --> 01:08:15,235 It's raining. 1376 01:08:15,775 --> 01:08:17,644 We want the rain... 1377 01:08:17,762 --> 01:08:19,722 The wanton rain. 1378 01:08:20,100 --> 01:08:21,392 Ooh. 1379 01:08:23,291 --> 01:08:25,953 Oh, you're simply all... 1380 01:08:26,169 --> 01:08:28,588 worn-out, aren't you? 1381 01:08:31,006 --> 01:08:32,016 Just... 1382 01:08:33,128 --> 01:08:35,867 Hungry and worn-out. 1383 01:08:37,439 --> 01:08:38,587 Well... 1384 01:08:39,725 --> 01:08:42,632 We don't want to have a breakdown. 1385 01:08:44,229 --> 01:08:46,189 Got to keep you healthy. 1386 01:08:46,339 --> 01:08:47,478 Hmm? 1387 01:08:48,894 --> 01:08:50,384 There you are. 1388 01:08:51,511 --> 01:08:52,855 Mmm. 1389 01:08:58,138 --> 01:09:00,031 There you go, darling. 1390 01:09:01,429 --> 01:09:03,691 A nice dinner for you. 1391 01:09:17,458 --> 01:09:20,715 Oh, hello, Johnny. It's Mrs. Parker. 1392 01:09:21,223 --> 01:09:23,417 Yes, I'll be needing you to deliver up some dinner 1393 01:09:23,442 --> 01:09:25,669 before theater tonight, dear. 1394 01:09:27,037 --> 01:09:28,848 Oh, whatever's the special... 1395 01:09:29,273 --> 01:09:31,170 And a large pot of coffee. 1396 01:09:31,498 --> 01:09:32,526 Thank you. 1397 01:09:38,119 --> 01:09:39,211 Oh. 1398 01:09:40,374 --> 01:09:41,841 All right. 1399 01:09:58,713 --> 01:10:01,876 Tragedies don't kill us, Woodrow. 1400 01:10:02,937 --> 01:10:04,754 Messes kill us. 1401 01:10:05,423 --> 01:10:07,985 I can't stand messes. 1402 01:10:09,052 --> 01:10:12,066 Oh, where's the fucking aspirin? 1403 01:10:58,231 --> 01:11:00,524 The sun's gone dim, 1404 01:11:00,690 --> 01:11:03,253 and the moon's turned black, 1405 01:11:04,107 --> 01:11:07,902 for I loved him, and he didn't love back. 1406 01:11:17,030 --> 01:11:19,408 You were a mess lying there... 1407 01:11:22,221 --> 01:11:23,979 Bleeding and drooling. 1408 01:11:27,907 --> 01:11:29,854 You were pathetic... 1409 01:11:30,525 --> 01:11:31,609 And disgusting. 1410 01:11:33,593 --> 01:11:34,870 Is that all? 1411 01:11:35,914 --> 01:11:37,708 I only know 15 adjectives. 1412 01:11:40,863 --> 01:11:44,616 You don't have to tie double knots, Mr. Benchley. 1413 01:11:44,976 --> 01:11:47,918 These are not your son's Oxfords. 1414 01:11:53,475 --> 01:11:55,435 Do you still love me, Fred? 1415 01:11:55,726 --> 01:11:57,322 Of course I do, Mrs. Parker. 1416 01:11:57,961 --> 01:12:00,300 But you think I'm a kill-joy. 1417 01:12:03,450 --> 01:12:05,160 No, I don't, 1418 01:12:06,486 --> 01:12:08,151 but if you don't eat more solid foods 1419 01:12:08,176 --> 01:12:09,456 and stay away from razor blades, 1420 01:12:09,480 --> 01:12:11,721 you could arouse that suspicion in others. 1421 01:12:13,629 --> 01:12:14,816 I hear mice. 1422 01:12:14,888 --> 01:12:16,279 Shall I discourage them? 1423 01:12:18,560 --> 01:12:20,554 Do I look... All right? 1424 01:12:24,588 --> 01:12:26,120 Now you do. 1425 01:12:27,258 --> 01:12:28,425 Come in. 1426 01:12:42,174 --> 01:12:43,068 Well... 1427 01:12:44,060 --> 01:12:46,683 Aside from F.P.A., who withers easily, 1428 01:12:46,906 --> 01:12:49,672 it seems as though all your friends are here, Mrs. Parker. 1429 01:12:52,239 --> 01:12:53,367 Yes... 1430 01:12:53,835 --> 01:12:55,629 And Paula, too. 1431 01:13:00,041 --> 01:13:01,979 It must be rough now that Benchley and Charlie 1432 01:13:02,004 --> 01:13:03,721 are such good friends, huh? 1433 01:13:05,046 --> 01:13:06,442 It's not so bad. 1434 01:13:06,961 --> 01:13:08,638 I just let him ignore me. 1435 01:13:12,286 --> 01:13:13,438 You know, people still think 1436 01:13:13,463 --> 01:13:15,422 he's banging me every night, 1437 01:13:15,746 --> 01:13:18,248 and sometimes I wish to God he were. 1438 01:13:19,835 --> 01:13:21,311 But only sometimes. 1439 01:13:23,918 --> 01:13:26,417 You know, he sent me $30 for the operation. 1440 01:13:28,261 --> 01:13:30,524 Judas making a refund. 1441 01:13:55,199 --> 01:13:58,618 Oh, for Christ's sake. 1442 01:14:07,397 --> 01:14:08,573 There you are. 1443 01:14:08,598 --> 01:14:11,229 Fred, how long do you think we can keep this thing up? 1444 01:14:11,529 --> 01:14:12,505 Keep what up? 1445 01:14:12,530 --> 01:14:14,187 You performing six nights a week 1446 01:14:14,212 --> 01:14:16,163 and me covering first acts. 1447 01:14:16,335 --> 01:14:17,913 We need the money, Mrs. Parker. 1448 01:14:18,112 --> 01:14:21,543 You only need enough money to keep body and soul apart. 1449 01:14:22,606 --> 01:14:24,954 Shh. Remember, Mrs. Parker, 1450 01:14:24,979 --> 01:14:27,190 speak easy. 1451 01:14:27,495 --> 01:14:28,539 Open up. 1452 01:14:29,162 --> 01:14:30,264 This is a raid. 1453 01:14:34,513 --> 01:14:36,258 Oh, God. 1454 01:14:40,440 --> 01:14:41,980 Please, Mrs. Parker. 1455 01:14:43,050 --> 01:14:44,273 You're running a fever, Fred. 1456 01:14:44,298 --> 01:14:46,013 People will think I'd beat you in private. 1457 01:14:46,038 --> 01:14:47,303 You're running it ragged. 1458 01:14:47,328 --> 01:14:48,968 Probably how I managed to get so much done 1459 01:14:48,992 --> 01:14:50,421 and still look so dissipated. 1460 01:14:50,446 --> 01:14:52,538 I'll bet you haven't eaten a thing all day. 1461 01:14:52,563 --> 01:14:54,987 Au contraire. I found a little French place nearby, 1462 01:14:55,012 --> 01:14:56,291 completely without charm. 1463 01:14:56,316 --> 01:14:58,728 We'll have one brown and one clear, please. 1464 01:15:01,418 --> 01:15:03,866 Oh, for crying out loud, Fred. 1465 01:15:03,891 --> 01:15:05,510 The last thing you need is that. 1466 01:15:05,535 --> 01:15:07,405 - What? - What? What about your family? 1467 01:15:07,455 --> 01:15:08,207 Who? 1468 01:15:08,512 --> 01:15:09,790 I forbid you. 1469 01:15:10,073 --> 01:15:11,233 May I remind you, Mrs. P., you 1470 01:15:11,257 --> 01:15:14,425 that I'm not a fictional creation of hers. It could easily... 1471 01:15:14,450 --> 01:15:17,240 What could you possibly say to a thing like that? 1472 01:15:18,033 --> 01:15:20,064 "Did you go to the circus this year?" 1473 01:15:20,292 --> 01:15:21,698 Oh, no, no. Better. 1474 01:15:21,799 --> 01:15:23,291 "When do your tonsils come out?" 1475 01:15:23,316 --> 01:15:25,364 How about "your regal presence at the bar" 1476 01:15:25,389 --> 01:15:27,524 has inspired my soul to an upheaval"? 1477 01:15:27,549 --> 01:15:30,065 Hmm? That's the source of all great literature... 1478 01:15:30,090 --> 01:15:31,846 An upheaved soul. 1479 01:15:35,525 --> 01:15:37,944 I, uh... have a question to ask. 1480 01:15:37,969 --> 01:15:39,081 Mm-hmm. 1481 01:15:39,862 --> 01:15:41,613 A serious one. 1482 01:15:46,189 --> 01:15:47,432 Anything. 1483 01:15:49,611 --> 01:15:52,228 Why do you think... 1484 01:15:53,256 --> 01:15:55,063 that we... 1485 01:15:55,643 --> 01:15:56,943 Yes? 1486 01:15:57,885 --> 01:15:59,177 You and I... 1487 01:15:59,608 --> 01:16:01,413 That would be "we," yeah. 1488 01:16:03,098 --> 01:16:04,980 Have never misbehaved? 1489 01:16:10,057 --> 01:16:11,805 I'm referring to what we don't do 1490 01:16:11,830 --> 01:16:13,956 in spite of everything. 1491 01:16:14,146 --> 01:16:16,607 What we don't do, hmm. 1492 01:16:21,270 --> 01:16:23,064 Mrs. Parker, really. 1493 01:16:25,815 --> 01:16:27,228 Tell me. 1494 01:16:28,216 --> 01:16:29,498 Now. 1495 01:16:32,087 --> 01:16:33,613 Well... ahem. 1496 01:16:33,724 --> 01:16:35,926 I suppose we respect each other too much. 1497 01:16:36,008 --> 01:16:38,756 Ah. We don't respect anyone. 1498 01:16:38,781 --> 01:16:41,116 Well, Mrs. Parker, suppose it didn't work. 1499 01:16:42,504 --> 01:16:44,005 Suppose it did. 1500 01:16:47,705 --> 01:16:49,487 No. No, no. 1501 01:16:49,512 --> 01:16:51,793 It's a lot easier to take disappointment when you're young 1502 01:16:51,817 --> 01:16:53,191 or dumb or don't expect much, 1503 01:16:53,216 --> 01:16:55,625 but we're old and smart and... 1504 01:16:55,982 --> 01:16:58,034 Don't bat those ingenue eyes at me. 1505 01:16:58,059 --> 01:16:59,765 You know what I'm talking about. 1506 01:16:59,790 --> 01:17:01,709 That's the trouble. You know entirely too much. 1507 01:17:01,826 --> 01:17:04,138 Oh, gee, and I was thinking 1508 01:17:04,163 --> 01:17:05,957 I must not know enough, 1509 01:17:06,288 --> 01:17:07,660 because the things I want most 1510 01:17:07,685 --> 01:17:09,293 I can't seem to get. 1511 01:17:09,761 --> 01:17:12,373 That's because you've forgotten how to have fun. 1512 01:17:14,392 --> 01:17:15,703 Oh, really? 1513 01:17:16,884 --> 01:17:17,844 Fun? 1514 01:17:20,880 --> 01:17:22,714 I'll show you some fun. 1515 01:17:25,132 --> 01:17:26,753 - What are you doing? - Yes, you. 1516 01:17:26,813 --> 01:17:28,002 What are you doing? 1517 01:17:32,191 --> 01:17:34,652 You looked in need of rescue, dear. 1518 01:17:35,101 --> 01:17:36,296 What's your name? 1519 01:17:36,407 --> 01:17:37,107 Joanie. 1520 01:17:37,152 --> 01:17:38,771 Sit down, Joanie. 1521 01:17:39,325 --> 01:17:40,315 Joanie Gerard. 1522 01:17:40,340 --> 01:17:41,967 How do you do? I'm Robert. 1523 01:17:42,740 --> 01:17:45,200 Are you an actress, Joanie Gerard? 1524 01:17:45,399 --> 01:17:47,149 I'm a Western Union girl. 1525 01:17:47,174 --> 01:17:48,213 Yeah. Oh. 1526 01:17:48,238 --> 01:17:50,138 But I want to be an actress. 1527 01:17:50,163 --> 01:17:52,832 Oh, you dear, brave soul. 1528 01:17:53,371 --> 01:17:54,296 You're in luck. 1529 01:17:54,786 --> 01:17:56,865 Freddy is a talent scout, aren't you, Fred? 1530 01:17:57,227 --> 01:17:58,180 Really? 1531 01:17:58,291 --> 01:18:00,106 Oh, well, after a fashion. 1532 01:18:00,681 --> 01:18:02,197 And this is Mrs. Parker, 1533 01:18:02,222 --> 01:18:04,515 my good friend and favorite living writer. 1534 01:18:04,899 --> 01:18:06,243 But not much fun. 1535 01:18:06,268 --> 01:18:08,231 You're a real, living writer? 1536 01:18:08,314 --> 01:18:09,982 Currently on leave. 1537 01:18:11,846 --> 01:18:15,193 Jeez, I feel like I ought to drop a curtsy or something. 1538 01:18:16,103 --> 01:18:18,574 Her curtsy, your pants, my teeth. 1539 01:18:19,248 --> 01:18:20,564 Ha ha! All right. 1540 01:18:20,589 --> 01:18:22,875 So... What do you say? 1541 01:18:23,063 --> 01:18:24,595 Shall we go wild tonight? 1542 01:18:24,816 --> 01:18:26,074 Yeah, Fred. What do you say? 1543 01:18:26,099 --> 01:18:27,291 You want to go wild? 1544 01:18:27,316 --> 01:18:30,072 I could outline several opera plots 1545 01:18:30,097 --> 01:18:31,602 I've been working on. 1546 01:18:31,681 --> 01:18:32,442 Oh! 1547 01:18:32,997 --> 01:18:35,208 Oh, forget him, dear. 1548 01:18:35,609 --> 01:18:38,651 I've just been released from our lady of malpractice, 1549 01:18:38,839 --> 01:18:40,883 and I want to go wild. 1550 01:18:41,305 --> 01:18:42,992 How do I learn how? 1551 01:18:43,763 --> 01:18:45,524 Aah! Aah! 1552 01:18:55,823 --> 01:18:57,950 Uh! Uh! 1553 01:18:58,334 --> 01:18:59,231 Oh! Oh! 1554 01:19:02,311 --> 01:19:03,054 Uh! Uh! 1555 01:19:03,226 --> 01:19:05,248 Artists... that's why we invite them. 1556 01:19:06,412 --> 01:19:07,698 Ha ha! 1557 01:19:07,879 --> 01:19:09,464 Bravo, George. 1558 01:19:09,608 --> 01:19:10,806 Bravo! 1559 01:19:10,831 --> 01:19:12,511 Mind us, you cretins! 1560 01:19:14,008 --> 01:19:15,324 Well played! 1561 01:19:16,798 --> 01:19:18,308 That wasn't very sporting, George. 1562 01:19:18,333 --> 01:19:19,261 Well... 1563 01:19:19,856 --> 01:19:21,630 Do we have a game? 1564 01:19:21,810 --> 01:19:22,912 I'll sing an opera. 1565 01:19:23,155 --> 01:19:24,604 You gentlemen see if you can name it. 1566 01:19:24,705 --> 01:19:26,164 All right. 1567 01:19:26,370 --> 01:19:27,871 Here we go. 1568 01:19:35,571 --> 01:19:38,007 I would say that is, uh... Joe Green. 1569 01:19:38,032 --> 01:19:39,658 Yes. It's definitely Joe Green. 1570 01:19:39,957 --> 01:19:41,349 Joe Green? Giuseppe Verdi. 1571 01:19:41,851 --> 01:19:42,903 Don't look now, toots, 1572 01:19:42,928 --> 01:19:45,644 but unmarried Yale barristers have been spotted 1573 01:19:45,669 --> 01:19:47,728 cavorting on the south lawn. 1574 01:19:48,705 --> 01:19:52,029 Oh, a girl can get splinters 1575 01:19:52,054 --> 01:19:54,312 sliding down a barrister. 1576 01:19:54,458 --> 01:19:55,856 What else? 1577 01:19:56,368 --> 01:19:58,975 What about our athletic friend down there? 1578 01:19:59,000 --> 01:20:00,927 He's built like a horse. 1579 01:20:00,952 --> 01:20:03,444 Always so optimistic. 1580 01:20:03,693 --> 01:20:05,913 Well, he keeps waving his mallet in my direction. 1581 01:20:05,938 --> 01:20:07,961 It must mean something. 1582 01:20:09,039 --> 01:20:11,380 What are you doing? This isn't polo, you cretin. 1583 01:20:11,930 --> 01:20:14,094 Descend from your perch, my little mourning dove, 1584 01:20:14,119 --> 01:20:17,392 and show this neomalthusian how it's done. 1585 01:20:18,852 --> 01:20:20,380 Mind if I join you? 1586 01:20:21,772 --> 01:20:24,467 You must be picking wallflowers, Scott. 1587 01:20:25,241 --> 01:20:28,146 Well, Sherry, I read your latest short story... "Extra, extra." 1588 01:20:28,278 --> 01:20:30,320 It was as fine a bit of writing I've ever read... 1589 01:20:30,707 --> 01:20:31,449 Thank you. 1590 01:20:31,474 --> 01:20:34,784 Short, lean, acid, so good. 1591 01:20:35,895 --> 01:20:37,864 This is a magazine of the city. 1592 01:20:37,889 --> 01:20:39,090 A smart magazine. 1593 01:20:39,115 --> 01:20:41,490 And not for the little old lady in Dubuque. 1594 01:20:42,204 --> 01:20:43,401 You have a title? 1595 01:20:43,520 --> 01:20:45,939 ♪ Ba Ba Ba Ba-da 1596 01:20:45,974 --> 01:20:48,134 ♪ Ba Ba Ba Ba-da Ba Ba-da Ba Ba-da ♪ 1597 01:20:48,159 --> 01:20:49,128 What's in a name? 1598 01:20:49,153 --> 01:20:51,529 A name is simply a name. 1599 01:20:51,627 --> 01:20:53,366 It's who you know, darling. 1600 01:20:53,391 --> 01:20:54,736 It's who you know. 1601 01:20:54,860 --> 01:20:56,826 Most of our friends will be contributing. 1602 01:20:57,265 --> 01:20:59,040 Dorothy Parker, for one. 1603 01:20:59,065 --> 01:20:59,857 George Kaufman. 1604 01:20:59,882 --> 01:21:00,606 F.P.A. 1605 01:21:00,631 --> 01:21:01,593 Bob Benchley. 1606 01:21:01,618 --> 01:21:02,898 They're all devoted to the idea. 1607 01:21:02,922 --> 01:21:05,643 They've never really heard of anything like it and... 1608 01:21:06,023 --> 01:21:07,390 So, we're... 1609 01:21:07,835 --> 01:21:08,857 George, come here! 1610 01:21:08,858 --> 01:21:10,441 Is he through that wicket? 1611 01:21:11,587 --> 01:21:12,893 Wicket's crooked, Marc. 1612 01:21:12,918 --> 01:21:13,789 Ha! 1613 01:21:13,927 --> 01:21:14,958 Whose ball is this? 1614 01:21:15,015 --> 01:21:15,764 You cheat. 1615 01:21:15,789 --> 01:21:16,564 Whose ball is this? 1616 01:21:16,589 --> 01:21:17,344 That's Edna's. 1617 01:21:17,369 --> 01:21:19,019 Oh, for God's sake! 1618 01:21:19,635 --> 01:21:21,566 Now what do you want to do, huh? 1619 01:21:22,564 --> 01:21:24,367 I've always wanted to write a novel. 1620 01:21:24,467 --> 01:21:25,881 - Or a play. - How old are you? 1621 01:21:26,263 --> 01:21:27,382 - 28. - 28. 1622 01:21:27,406 --> 01:21:28,370 Alec you're out of time. 1623 01:21:28,371 --> 01:21:29,382 Don't let the time pass. 1624 01:21:29,407 --> 01:21:31,458 If you want to write something, you write it. 1625 01:21:31,565 --> 01:21:33,667 Don't turn 40 be wishing that you had. 1626 01:21:34,652 --> 01:21:36,296 Aah! 1627 01:21:36,448 --> 01:21:38,201 Why is Harpo the only one of us 1628 01:21:38,226 --> 01:21:41,101 who enjoys performing like a seal? 1629 01:21:41,374 --> 01:21:43,188 Please don't answer that. 1630 01:21:43,456 --> 01:21:44,778 It's a magazine for a man 1631 01:21:44,803 --> 01:21:46,114 who knows his way aound the city. 1632 01:21:46,139 --> 01:21:48,471 - Or want to know. - Yes. A man not unlike myself. 1633 01:21:49,535 --> 01:21:51,073 What's this magazine about, Ross... 1634 01:21:51,098 --> 01:21:52,796 Shipping news? 1635 01:21:53,411 --> 01:21:55,071 It's a magazine about New York. 1636 01:21:55,096 --> 01:21:56,231 For people with manners. 1637 01:21:56,256 --> 01:21:58,705 Yeah. M-manners. 1638 01:21:59,817 --> 01:22:01,177 Well, if it's about New York, 1639 01:22:01,202 --> 01:22:02,913 why not call it the New Yorker? 1640 01:22:03,944 --> 01:22:05,571 Now, that's brilliant. 1641 01:22:07,892 --> 01:22:09,080 Hello. 1642 01:22:09,782 --> 01:22:12,356 I hope you like to gamble, Dorothy, 1643 01:22:12,785 --> 01:22:14,015 because I just made a bet 1644 01:22:14,040 --> 01:22:15,830 that I can make you smile. 1645 01:22:15,992 --> 01:22:18,758 Oh, I hate to see anyone lose money. 1646 01:22:18,846 --> 01:22:20,806 It's so hard to find. 1647 01:22:22,050 --> 01:22:25,266 Don't go away. I must eat something before I pass out. 1648 01:22:29,421 --> 01:22:31,125 Attention, everyone. 1649 01:22:31,756 --> 01:22:33,423 Maybe Dorothy would consent 1650 01:22:33,448 --> 01:22:35,642 to recite one of her little things for us. 1651 01:22:35,666 --> 01:22:37,167 Oh! Great idea. 1652 01:22:37,521 --> 01:22:41,003 Well, maybe I'll just digest my little supper 1653 01:22:41,028 --> 01:22:42,789 and sing for it later. 1654 01:22:42,814 --> 01:22:44,156 Oh, please, Dorothy. 1655 01:22:44,181 --> 01:22:46,332 Something bilious for dessert. 1656 01:22:46,357 --> 01:22:48,836 No. Something bubbly, Mrs. Parker. 1657 01:22:48,875 --> 01:22:50,475 Something bubbly bilious. 1658 01:22:50,500 --> 01:22:52,126 Double bubbly, but don't bill us. 1659 01:22:52,151 --> 01:22:53,116 Ha ha ha ha! 1660 01:22:53,141 --> 01:22:55,301 One more drink, and I'll be under the host. 1661 01:22:55,392 --> 01:22:57,131 Oh, please, Mrs. Parker. 1662 01:22:57,156 --> 01:23:00,156 Do honor us with one of your darling little poems. 1663 01:23:04,397 --> 01:23:05,881 Resume. 1664 01:23:06,957 --> 01:23:08,636 Razors pain you. 1665 01:23:08,972 --> 01:23:10,886 Rivers are damp. 1666 01:23:11,231 --> 01:23:13,043 Acids stain you, 1667 01:23:13,259 --> 01:23:15,409 and drugs cause cramp. 1668 01:23:16,003 --> 01:23:17,753 Guns aren't lawful. 1669 01:23:17,932 --> 01:23:19,739 Nooses give. 1670 01:23:19,973 --> 01:23:22,385 Gas smells awful. 1671 01:23:23,066 --> 01:23:24,970 You might as well live. 1672 01:23:31,095 --> 01:23:32,542 Another cheerful poem. 1673 01:23:32,597 --> 01:23:37,677 Bravo! 1674 01:23:39,541 --> 01:23:41,697 - What a fascinating woman. - Nice going. 1675 01:23:49,175 --> 01:23:50,222 Dorothy! 1676 01:23:58,212 --> 01:24:01,018 So, is it true that you live in a rat-hole? 1677 01:24:01,466 --> 01:24:03,378 Oh, I like my apartment. 1678 01:24:03,729 --> 01:24:05,567 It's just big enough to lay my hat 1679 01:24:05,708 --> 01:24:07,616 and a few friends. 1680 01:24:09,544 --> 01:24:12,474 Did you know my family's in bird sanctuaries? 1681 01:24:12,959 --> 01:24:13,979 It's true. 1682 01:24:14,518 --> 01:24:15,781 Rather interesting. 1683 01:24:16,864 --> 01:24:19,512 Let's say I buy a peacock for $5.00, 1684 01:24:19,652 --> 01:24:21,203 throw it up in a tree, 1685 01:24:21,459 --> 01:24:24,077 and then charge, oh, any Tom, dick, and Harry 1686 01:24:24,102 --> 01:24:25,433 $2.00 apiece just to... 1687 01:25:10,236 --> 01:25:13,472 Oh, don't worry, uh... Roger. 1688 01:25:13,899 --> 01:25:15,859 I don't review rehearsals. 1689 01:25:17,725 --> 01:25:19,727 Oh, God. 1690 01:26:25,200 --> 01:26:28,353 Her mind lives in a quiet room, 1691 01:26:28,667 --> 01:26:32,087 a narrow room, and tall, 1692 01:26:32,817 --> 01:26:36,081 with pretty lamps to quench the gloom. 1693 01:26:36,587 --> 01:26:39,396 And mottoes on the wall. 1694 01:26:39,874 --> 01:26:43,549 There all the things are wax and neat 1695 01:26:43,694 --> 01:26:46,671 and set in decorous lines. 1696 01:26:47,008 --> 01:26:51,917 And there are posies, round and sweet, 1697 01:26:52,469 --> 01:26:55,470 and little, straightened vines. 1698 01:26:56,217 --> 01:27:00,852 Her mind lives tidily, apart from cold 1699 01:27:00,877 --> 01:27:02,468 and noise, 1700 01:27:02,493 --> 01:27:04,837 and pain. 1701 01:27:05,519 --> 01:27:10,065 And bolts the door against her heart, 1702 01:27:10,186 --> 01:27:12,626 out wailing in the rain. 1703 01:27:14,279 --> 01:27:16,598 I think I was born to live in a hotel. 1704 01:27:16,746 --> 01:27:18,016 It helps me concentrate 1705 01:27:18,041 --> 01:27:19,385 knowing I can just sign for things 1706 01:27:19,410 --> 01:27:20,614 whenever I need them. 1707 01:27:20,840 --> 01:27:22,300 Yes, it's wonderful. 1708 01:27:22,702 --> 01:27:25,206 But, of course, the bill always comes through 1709 01:27:25,231 --> 01:27:26,550 at the end of the month. 1710 01:27:26,777 --> 01:27:29,276 I trust that won't be a problem. 1711 01:27:29,497 --> 01:27:31,290 Scout's honor. 1712 01:27:32,420 --> 01:27:35,611 Well, I think this hotel's always been very lucky 1713 01:27:35,636 --> 01:27:36,819 for writers, Mrs. Parker. 1714 01:27:37,241 --> 01:27:38,176 For example. 1715 01:27:38,248 --> 01:27:41,617 Do you have any idea how many important plays 1716 01:27:41,642 --> 01:27:42,893 have been written here? 1717 01:27:43,044 --> 01:27:45,393 Well, well. How fortunate. 1718 01:27:45,561 --> 01:27:47,281 I'm working on a play. 1719 01:27:47,345 --> 01:27:48,186 And if you're right, 1720 01:27:48,211 --> 01:27:50,858 we won't have to worry about the rent, now, will we? 1721 01:27:52,094 --> 01:27:54,638 I wouldn't go away from you for anything! 1722 01:27:54,749 --> 01:27:56,189 There's nothing in the world that... 1723 01:27:56,213 --> 01:27:58,057 No, no. Stop, please. You mustn't move. 1724 01:27:58,229 --> 01:27:59,649 - Please. You mustn't move! - Stop! 1725 01:27:59,674 --> 01:28:01,274 - You mustn't move on his speech! - Stop! 1726 01:28:01,298 --> 01:28:04,292 - Oh, my! I can't work like this! - Dorothy, don't you think 1727 01:28:04,317 --> 01:28:05,717 she ought to be wearing a brassiere? 1728 01:28:05,741 --> 01:28:07,464 Oh, God, no. 1729 01:28:07,543 --> 01:28:11,087 We've got to have something in this show that moves. 1730 01:28:16,310 --> 01:28:17,769 Good afternoon, Mr. Benchley. 1731 01:28:17,794 --> 01:28:18,635 Hello. 1732 01:28:18,660 --> 01:28:19,673 Loved the play. 1733 01:28:19,698 --> 01:28:22,319 Let's hope it's a big financial success! 1734 01:28:23,426 --> 01:28:25,739 I owe him three months on the rent. 1735 01:28:25,927 --> 01:28:28,300 Well, at least you got fantastic reviews. 1736 01:28:28,325 --> 01:28:31,524 Yes. And some were even from total strangers. 1737 01:28:31,549 --> 01:28:33,979 Ha ha ha! 1738 01:28:34,474 --> 01:28:36,719 Oh, I suppose it was dull, 1739 01:28:36,744 --> 01:28:39,212 and you all have my apologies. 1740 01:28:40,631 --> 01:28:42,676 But how can you know about your own? 1741 01:28:43,159 --> 01:28:44,280 You can't. 1742 01:28:44,358 --> 01:28:46,878 I want to know who decided to open it two days before Christmas. 1743 01:28:46,902 --> 01:28:48,750 I hear your Mr. Benchley. 1744 01:28:48,775 --> 01:28:51,604 Has taken up residence at Polly Adler's brothel. 1745 01:28:51,763 --> 01:28:53,383 Well, that is, of course, 1746 01:28:53,408 --> 01:28:55,554 when he's not with that little show girl. 1747 01:28:55,695 --> 01:28:57,751 Maybe it wouldn't hurt to work that in. 1748 01:28:57,842 --> 01:29:00,510 The play's about Benchley anyway, isn't it, Dot? 1749 01:29:00,535 --> 01:29:02,772 Look on the bright side, Dorothy you can thank ♪♪ 1750 01:29:02,797 --> 01:29:03,963 Bobby. 1751 01:29:03,988 --> 01:29:06,224 - Hello, Broun. - My place has got your name. 1752 01:29:06,249 --> 01:29:07,049 Written all over it. 1753 01:29:07,073 --> 01:29:08,399 Thank you, Don. Thank you. 1754 01:29:10,098 --> 01:29:11,892 Miss Hunt, how do you do? 1755 01:29:12,826 --> 01:29:14,132 Miss Ferber. 1756 01:29:19,057 --> 01:29:20,817 Well, when they laughed at the mandolin duet, 1757 01:29:20,841 --> 01:29:22,582 I wanted to bash their skulls in. 1758 01:29:22,906 --> 01:29:25,066 Could have used a French horn. 1759 01:29:25,586 --> 01:29:27,513 I think it's more of a magnificent tragedy 1760 01:29:27,538 --> 01:29:29,069 than it is a comedy. 1761 01:29:29,696 --> 01:29:31,488 It's a wonderful play, and that's final. 1762 01:29:31,776 --> 01:29:33,820 I'm afraid so. 1763 01:29:34,136 --> 01:29:37,262 We did a cool $90 at yesterday's matinee. 1764 01:29:37,380 --> 01:29:39,051 Philip's closing it next week. 1765 01:29:39,158 --> 01:29:39,912 What? 1766 01:29:39,937 --> 01:29:42,073 Mr. Woollcott, we really have to clear the room 1767 01:29:42,098 --> 01:29:43,766 to prepare for the dinner service. 1768 01:29:44,202 --> 01:29:45,577 Clear the room? 1769 01:29:45,658 --> 01:29:47,258 - Obviously has no taste. - You imbecile! 1770 01:29:47,282 --> 01:29:49,077 Do I look like a piece of furniture? 1771 01:29:49,078 --> 01:29:51,565 Well, actually, an entire showroom 1772 01:29:51,590 --> 01:29:53,021 on a good day. 1773 01:29:53,864 --> 01:29:56,335 Ha! Let's go up to my room, everybody. 1774 01:29:57,024 --> 01:29:58,366 You coming, Fred? 1775 01:29:58,391 --> 01:30:00,277 I think I'll catch up with you later. 1776 01:30:03,327 --> 01:30:04,544 At Polly's? 1777 01:30:04,606 --> 01:30:07,259 Why don't we say at Tony's, Mrs. Parker? 1778 01:30:07,284 --> 01:30:08,568 Thank you, sir. 1779 01:30:09,826 --> 01:30:10,802 Please, Mr. Benchley. 1780 01:30:10,827 --> 01:30:12,457 I've never been to a whorehouse. 1781 01:30:12,791 --> 01:30:14,083 Mrs. Parker... 1782 01:30:14,617 --> 01:30:17,193 It's not unlike the theater in many ways. 1783 01:30:18,313 --> 01:30:19,761 Satisfied? 1784 01:30:20,720 --> 01:30:22,692 No. Ha ha! 1785 01:30:23,273 --> 01:30:24,900 Never, I suppose. 1786 01:30:35,144 --> 01:30:37,313 "For Polly. "Long may she wave". 1787 01:30:37,619 --> 01:30:39,065 Al Tennyson. 1788 01:30:39,661 --> 01:30:40,886 Yeah, Mr. Benchley. 1789 01:30:40,911 --> 01:30:42,455 Oh, that's very good. 1790 01:30:42,942 --> 01:30:45,353 I prefer a real whorehouse 1791 01:30:45,378 --> 01:30:46,551 to the theater. 1792 01:30:46,576 --> 01:30:47,603 Oh, yes. 1793 01:30:48,099 --> 01:30:49,561 If a girl can't sing here, 1794 01:30:49,562 --> 01:30:51,042 she has the good manners to fake it. 1795 01:30:51,067 --> 01:30:52,051 What's the going rate? 1796 01:30:52,076 --> 01:30:54,038 I like the looks of that one there. 1797 01:30:54,063 --> 01:30:55,014 She's a guest. 1798 01:30:55,039 --> 01:30:56,309 Well, so am I. 1799 01:30:56,583 --> 01:30:57,667 Oh, Bobby, 1800 01:30:57,692 --> 01:30:59,332 are you going to read to me again tonight? 1801 01:30:59,356 --> 01:31:01,366 Oh, another county heard from. 1802 01:31:01,551 --> 01:31:03,699 Um, I'd like you to meet my good friend, 1803 01:31:03,724 --> 01:31:05,671 Mrs... Mrs. Parker. 1804 01:31:07,157 --> 01:31:08,074 Mrs. Parker... 1805 01:31:08,558 --> 01:31:09,479 Is she all right? 1806 01:31:09,504 --> 01:31:10,954 I think she should lie down. 1807 01:31:11,234 --> 01:31:12,527 Here we are. 1808 01:31:12,709 --> 01:31:15,678 Yes, I think I hit my... ass. 1809 01:31:15,875 --> 01:31:17,827 Take her to the lavender room, Coco. 1810 01:31:17,873 --> 01:31:18,859 Yes, Miss Adler. 1811 01:31:18,884 --> 01:31:20,799 Oh... I'm so sorry. 1812 01:31:21,369 --> 01:31:23,129 - It's right this way. - I'll go up with her. 1813 01:31:23,153 --> 01:31:25,404 I had medical training in the army, you know. 1814 01:31:29,952 --> 01:31:32,629 Suspicions confirmed, Fred. 1815 01:31:32,957 --> 01:31:36,076 I am a drunken whore. 1816 01:31:36,348 --> 01:31:38,307 You're an artist, Mrs. Parker. 1817 01:31:38,441 --> 01:31:40,437 Sometimes artists lose their balance. 1818 01:31:40,623 --> 01:31:41,722 Ah... 1819 01:31:41,747 --> 01:31:45,345 I'm little Dorothy with the curse of the Rothschilds 1820 01:31:45,346 --> 01:31:47,138 hanging over her head. 1821 01:31:47,644 --> 01:31:49,456 You're the artist, Mr. Benchley. 1822 01:31:49,481 --> 01:31:50,375 No, no. Not me. 1823 01:31:50,400 --> 01:31:51,544 Don't lay that on me. 1824 01:31:51,569 --> 01:31:53,904 I've discovered I have no real talent for writing. 1825 01:31:54,730 --> 01:31:57,002 I can't quit because I'm too famous. 1826 01:31:58,537 --> 01:31:59,565 All right? 1827 01:32:01,291 --> 01:32:03,305 Here we are. 1828 01:32:04,145 --> 01:32:05,857 You lean down here. 1829 01:32:06,493 --> 01:32:08,456 I want to check your temperature. 1830 01:32:43,349 --> 01:32:45,745 You need some rest, Mrs. Parker. 1831 01:32:47,335 --> 01:32:48,668 Mr. Benchley... 1832 01:32:50,992 --> 01:32:52,618 Yes, Mrs. Parker. 1833 01:32:53,046 --> 01:32:54,969 Oh! Ha ha! 1834 01:33:09,490 --> 01:33:10,451 Oh... 1835 01:33:11,108 --> 01:33:12,609 Christ. 1836 01:33:14,278 --> 01:33:15,740 Oh... 1837 01:33:17,847 --> 01:33:20,391 Goddamn it, Thurber. 1838 01:33:21,030 --> 01:33:21,827 Is Ross in? 1839 01:33:21,852 --> 01:33:23,157 Yes, but he's engaged right now. 1840 01:33:23,182 --> 01:33:24,262 You'll have to take a seat. 1841 01:33:24,286 --> 01:33:25,231 Excuse me, miss! 1842 01:33:25,256 --> 01:33:26,673 Reject them! Do it over again! 1843 01:33:26,698 --> 01:33:28,074 Thurber's crazy. You talk to him. 1844 01:33:28,099 --> 01:33:30,059 Finally! I've been wondering what happened to you. 1845 01:33:30,083 --> 01:33:31,052 Do you have the article? 1846 01:33:31,077 --> 01:33:32,537 Yeah, this was due on the third. 1847 01:33:32,989 --> 01:33:34,851 Somebody was using the pencil. 1848 01:33:36,026 --> 01:33:37,066 You look terrible, Dottie. 1849 01:33:37,090 --> 01:33:38,772 Have you not been sleeping? 1850 01:33:38,989 --> 01:33:40,157 Woodrow Wilson died. 1851 01:33:40,314 --> 01:33:41,611 Yes. I heard. 1852 01:33:41,769 --> 01:33:42,935 About a year ago. 1853 01:33:43,037 --> 01:33:44,174 Last week. 1854 01:33:44,547 --> 01:33:45,432 You have me there. 1855 01:33:45,457 --> 01:33:47,960 This is not a charitable donation, Ross. 1856 01:33:47,985 --> 01:33:49,345 I'm fighting them off at the hotel, 1857 01:33:49,369 --> 01:33:50,816 and my bank account is so overdrawn, 1858 01:33:50,841 --> 01:33:52,235 it's positively photographic. 1859 01:33:52,260 --> 01:33:54,095 You'll be paid eventually. I promise. 1860 01:33:54,435 --> 01:33:56,724 Don't believe him, Dottie. He owes me for years. 1861 01:33:56,813 --> 01:33:58,448 Jane, for Christ's sake, please. 1862 01:33:58,479 --> 01:34:00,606 Dottie, really, this is just wonderful. 1863 01:34:00,631 --> 01:34:02,631 Herbert Spencer once said, "a genius can do readily 1864 01:34:02,698 --> 01:34:03,978 what nobody else can do at all," 1865 01:34:04,003 --> 01:34:05,347 and that's what I'm doing. 1866 01:34:05,422 --> 01:34:08,336 Look Dottie, I can't read this right now, I've got an art meeting in 5 minutes. 1867 01:34:08,360 --> 01:34:10,083 That's not a thing to be doing at my age, 1868 01:34:10,108 --> 01:34:11,567 sitting around making up stories 1869 01:34:11,592 --> 01:34:12,811 about broken-hearted sissies. 1870 01:34:12,836 --> 01:34:14,291 Dottie, where are you going? 1871 01:34:34,330 --> 01:34:35,738 Mrs. Parker. 1872 01:34:38,106 --> 01:34:40,433 I just wanted to see if you still answered to that. 1873 01:34:46,200 --> 01:34:48,610 We are still married, aren't we, Eddie? 1874 01:34:48,918 --> 01:34:50,127 I guess so. 1875 01:34:50,427 --> 01:34:52,692 I guess we ought to talk about getting a divorce, then. 1876 01:34:54,113 --> 01:34:55,032 Not today. 1877 01:34:55,299 --> 01:34:56,139 I'm feeling too good. 1878 01:34:56,172 --> 01:34:57,394 Oh, is it catching? 1879 01:34:57,419 --> 01:34:58,519 Sure. Why not? 1880 01:35:01,463 --> 01:35:03,128 You look swell, Eddie. 1881 01:35:03,707 --> 01:35:04,677 Do I, really? 1882 01:35:05,039 --> 01:35:05,866 Truly. 1883 01:35:05,891 --> 01:35:06,860 Thanks. 1884 01:35:07,527 --> 01:35:08,871 You look beautiful. 1885 01:35:09,074 --> 01:35:10,816 Oh, where the hell are you looking? 1886 01:35:10,841 --> 01:35:11,838 At you. 1887 01:35:11,863 --> 01:35:13,473 No. I'm... 1888 01:35:14,051 --> 01:35:16,207 Lower than worms. 1889 01:35:17,223 --> 01:35:20,034 I miss feeling safe, Eddie. 1890 01:35:20,413 --> 01:35:21,779 I do miss that. 1891 01:35:22,587 --> 01:35:24,236 Is that what we were? 1892 01:35:24,793 --> 01:35:26,345 You could have fooled me. 1893 01:35:28,735 --> 01:35:30,662 You're not going to cry, are you? 1894 01:35:34,177 --> 01:35:35,674 Woodrow died. 1895 01:35:35,884 --> 01:35:37,252 Did he? I'm sorry. 1896 01:35:38,429 --> 01:35:40,378 I'm all alone again and broke. 1897 01:35:40,510 --> 01:35:41,542 See? 1898 01:35:42,995 --> 01:35:44,211 I'm flush. 1899 01:35:44,567 --> 01:35:45,987 Let me buy you a present. 1900 01:35:52,223 --> 01:35:53,615 Now you can buy me lunch. 1901 01:35:53,709 --> 01:35:56,451 If you promise not to be very dull. 1902 01:35:58,136 --> 01:36:00,074 I'd love to, dear, but I can't. 1903 01:36:00,256 --> 01:36:02,503 I'm meeting someone, and I'm late. 1904 01:36:03,924 --> 01:36:05,333 Another time, though. I insist. 1905 01:36:05,719 --> 01:36:08,376 Actually, I'm meeting someone, too. 1906 01:36:09,920 --> 01:36:11,949 It's really been lovely seeing you. 1907 01:36:17,099 --> 01:36:17,962 Dear... 1908 01:36:19,035 --> 01:36:20,014 Oh. 1909 01:36:22,627 --> 01:36:26,223 I do not like my state of mind. 1910 01:36:26,640 --> 01:36:31,564 I'm bitter, querulous, unkind. 1911 01:36:32,089 --> 01:36:36,926 I hate my legs, I hate my hands, 1912 01:36:37,083 --> 01:36:41,051 I do not yearn for lovelier lands. 1913 01:36:41,592 --> 01:36:44,583 I dread the dawn's recurrent light. 1914 01:36:44,608 --> 01:36:47,168 I hate to go to bed at night. 1915 01:36:47,744 --> 01:36:51,711 I snoot at earnest, simple folk. 1916 01:36:51,736 --> 01:36:55,780 I cannot take the gentlest joke. 1917 01:36:56,335 --> 01:37:00,297 I find no peace in paint or type. 1918 01:37:00,635 --> 01:37:02,970 My world is but a lot of tripe. 1919 01:37:03,245 --> 01:37:06,350 I'm disillusioned, empty-breasted. 1920 01:37:06,571 --> 01:37:11,033 For what I think, I'd be arrested. 1921 01:37:11,778 --> 01:37:13,614 I am not sick, 1922 01:37:13,957 --> 01:37:16,229 I am not well. 1923 01:37:16,634 --> 01:37:19,980 My quondam dreams are shot to hell. 1924 01:37:20,434 --> 01:37:22,812 My soul is crushed, 1925 01:37:22,893 --> 01:37:25,869 my spirit sore. 1926 01:37:26,291 --> 01:37:30,254 I do not like me anymore. 1927 01:37:30,945 --> 01:37:34,906 I cavil, quarrel, grumble, grouse. 1928 01:37:34,931 --> 01:37:38,766 I ponder on the narrow house. 1929 01:37:39,137 --> 01:37:44,558 I shudder at the thought of men... 1930 01:37:47,483 --> 01:37:50,206 I'm due to fall in love again. 1931 01:37:52,211 --> 01:37:54,670 Well, I'll mention it to her again, Mr. Case, 1932 01:37:54,695 --> 01:37:57,601 but there really isn't that much I can do. 1933 01:37:57,626 --> 01:37:59,532 It's a very difficult situation. 1934 01:38:02,093 --> 01:38:02,970 Dottie? 1935 01:38:06,073 --> 01:38:07,319 I'd like to talk to you. 1936 01:38:07,682 --> 01:38:08,962 Cheese it, the fuzz. 1937 01:38:08,987 --> 01:38:12,282 Mrs. Parker. 1938 01:38:13,123 --> 01:38:14,483 I don't know how he's going to feel 1939 01:38:14,507 --> 01:38:17,295 about an untrained puppy piddling on his rugs. 1940 01:38:17,438 --> 01:38:19,318 He didn't like it much when the trained one did. 1941 01:38:20,213 --> 01:38:23,165 Plus, I have to write him another I.O.U. for the rent. 1942 01:38:23,270 --> 01:38:25,147 Well, they wouldn't throw you out. 1943 01:38:25,408 --> 01:38:27,702 You're good for too much publicity. 1944 01:38:28,010 --> 01:38:28,999 How was lunch? 1945 01:38:29,118 --> 01:38:30,452 Did they talk about me? 1946 01:38:30,595 --> 01:38:32,555 Of course they talked about you. 1947 01:38:33,628 --> 01:38:34,973 Rex... 1948 01:38:35,673 --> 01:38:37,523 Learn to read, darling. 1949 01:38:39,462 --> 01:38:43,424 It's time to think about serious work. 1950 01:38:45,579 --> 01:38:47,372 Thinking is working, isn't it? 1951 01:38:47,545 --> 01:38:48,508 Well, of course it is. 1952 01:38:48,533 --> 01:38:50,183 It's the kind that I do best. 1953 01:38:50,416 --> 01:38:52,829 Why don't you write a novel, dear? 1954 01:38:53,172 --> 01:38:54,452 You could probably knock one off 1955 01:38:54,476 --> 01:38:55,542 in, say, 20 or 30 years. 1956 01:38:55,592 --> 01:38:58,677 Oh, yes. Why not a novel? 1957 01:38:59,617 --> 01:39:01,826 I put as much work into writing nonsense. 1958 01:39:01,851 --> 01:39:03,091 As I do the things that matter, 1959 01:39:03,115 --> 01:39:05,576 and it's the nonsense everybody notices. 1960 01:39:06,266 --> 01:39:07,623 And you know what? 1961 01:39:07,757 --> 01:39:09,842 By the time I'm paid for what I do, 1962 01:39:09,867 --> 01:39:12,193 the money's already gone. 1963 01:39:13,287 --> 01:39:16,176 But you can dream on a book, can't you? 1964 01:39:17,112 --> 01:39:18,447 Absolutely. 1965 01:39:20,977 --> 01:39:22,796 Have we ever touched? 1966 01:39:37,758 --> 01:39:39,593 Hello, Mrs. Parker. 1967 01:40:05,107 --> 01:40:06,205 Mmm. 1968 01:40:13,312 --> 01:40:16,727 What do you think we should drink this one, too, hmm? 1969 01:40:17,267 --> 01:40:18,891 How about to us? 1970 01:40:19,904 --> 01:40:22,378 Yes, it's too bad we don't look prettier. 1971 01:40:23,421 --> 01:40:25,283 We were pretty once, though, weren't we? 1972 01:40:25,381 --> 01:40:26,414 Hmm? 1973 01:40:27,419 --> 01:40:30,005 You might not think it matters, 1974 01:40:30,344 --> 01:40:31,642 but I do. 1975 01:40:32,492 --> 01:40:33,862 I'll tell you why. 1976 01:40:34,259 --> 01:40:38,115 Because, my dear, it all turns on that. 1977 01:40:38,840 --> 01:40:41,687 All those little sags and... 1978 01:40:42,518 --> 01:40:43,443 What is going on here? 1979 01:40:43,468 --> 01:40:44,769 Yes, it's London zoo. 1980 01:40:45,023 --> 01:40:46,482 Listen. I've had enough. 1981 01:40:46,556 --> 01:40:47,297 I really have. 1982 01:40:47,322 --> 01:40:49,033 Is that this woman's dog? 1983 01:40:49,058 --> 01:40:50,778 We've had these interruptions on this set... 1984 01:40:50,802 --> 01:40:51,594 I did it. 1985 01:40:54,006 --> 01:40:55,581 Nicotine, nicotine pip-squeak. 1986 01:40:56,104 --> 01:40:56,891 Listen, Sergei. 1987 01:40:56,932 --> 01:40:58,834 This is not the steppes of Russia. 1988 01:40:58,865 --> 01:41:01,196 This is the United States of America. 1989 01:41:07,579 --> 01:41:09,475 So Zanuck says give him a death scene. 1990 01:41:09,500 --> 01:41:10,709 That'll win an Oscar. 1991 01:41:10,734 --> 01:41:13,294 I'm telling you, this guy couldn't play dead if you cremated him. 1992 01:41:13,318 --> 01:41:13,834 Move over. 1993 01:41:13,859 --> 01:41:15,279 What's wrong, Dottie? 1994 01:41:15,304 --> 01:41:17,759 I never worked on a picture that I liked, 1995 01:41:18,003 --> 01:41:20,816 and I never worked on a picture that liked me. 1996 01:41:20,920 --> 01:41:21,987 Dottie, I need a line. 1997 01:41:22,012 --> 01:41:23,332 There's a guy standing on a ledge, 1998 01:41:23,356 --> 01:41:24,954 and his wife's got to say something. 1999 01:41:25,099 --> 01:41:27,226 No. Let her push the son of a bitch 2000 01:41:27,251 --> 01:41:28,334 without speaking. 2001 01:41:28,359 --> 01:41:29,073 Over! 2002 01:41:29,551 --> 01:41:31,427 Hey, Dottie. Saw Alan on the lot this morning. 2003 01:41:31,550 --> 01:41:32,908 Standing right beside wardrobe. 2004 01:41:33,018 --> 01:41:35,729 Wearing a dress, no doubt. 2005 01:41:36,036 --> 01:41:36,743 Hi, Harry. 2006 01:41:36,768 --> 01:41:37,936 Harry. 2007 01:41:38,174 --> 01:41:40,473 - You guys hear about Bob Benchley? - No. 2008 01:41:40,510 --> 01:41:41,210 Hi, Dottie. 2009 01:41:41,234 --> 01:41:42,794 Hey, listen, Harry. I need a line. 2010 01:41:43,115 --> 01:41:44,016 Forget about that. 2011 01:41:44,041 --> 01:41:45,659 Harry, what about Benchley? 2012 01:41:46,498 --> 01:41:48,567 He, uh, he died. 2013 01:41:50,266 --> 01:41:51,360 You're kidding. 2014 01:41:52,259 --> 01:41:52,977 How? 2015 01:41:53,633 --> 01:41:56,469 Cirrhosis of the liver, hemorrhaging. 2016 01:41:56,756 --> 01:41:58,849 They say Marc Connelly ran around the Stork club 2017 01:41:58,874 --> 01:42:00,334 looking for blood donors. 2018 01:42:00,642 --> 01:42:02,101 God, Benchley. 2019 01:42:02,651 --> 01:42:04,731 I talked to him just before I left town. 2020 01:42:06,039 --> 01:42:06,810 Dottie... 2021 01:42:06,835 --> 01:42:08,631 Oh, that's just dandy. 2022 01:42:13,771 --> 01:42:16,877 Well, if it isn't Mr. Dorothy Parker. 2023 01:42:17,064 --> 01:42:18,016 Hello, Dottie. 2024 01:42:18,141 --> 01:42:19,128 Thought I might as well get my things 2025 01:42:19,152 --> 01:42:20,552 - out of your way. - What's in here? 2026 01:42:20,576 --> 01:42:22,729 - If that's what you want. - This is mine, you shit! 2027 01:42:23,016 --> 01:42:23,950 You queer! 2028 01:42:23,975 --> 01:42:25,695 You can't use that anymore, and you know it. 2029 01:42:25,720 --> 01:42:28,453 Oh, surely not because of your wartime adventures in London. 2030 01:42:28,478 --> 01:42:30,566 Everybody knows it's a lie, Dottie, 2031 01:42:30,591 --> 01:42:31,796 and so do you. 2032 01:42:31,821 --> 01:42:34,381 Just because you fucked another woman doesn't make it all better. 2033 01:42:34,652 --> 01:42:36,110 Goodbye, darling. 2034 01:42:36,714 --> 01:42:37,855 Oh, that's right. 2035 01:42:37,892 --> 01:42:40,758 Take your toys and gallop away, sidesaddle! 2036 01:42:40,935 --> 01:42:43,487 And don't forget to bore a hole in the hobby-horse, 2037 01:42:43,576 --> 01:42:45,744 you fucking idiot! 2038 01:43:09,357 --> 01:43:10,969 Oh, Fred. 2039 01:43:13,647 --> 01:43:15,405 Dear Fred. 2040 01:43:17,220 --> 01:43:21,781 You lovely, wonderful shit. 2041 01:44:20,089 --> 01:44:22,341 Department of Mass Hysteria and Indecision. 2042 01:44:22,366 --> 01:44:24,016 The new year you ordered is due shortly 2043 01:44:24,041 --> 01:44:25,988 and may be picked up at the will-call desk. 2044 01:44:27,399 --> 01:44:28,837 Where have you been all evening? 2045 01:44:28,862 --> 01:44:30,071 Hello, Charlie! 2046 01:44:30,096 --> 01:44:31,836 Anyone seen my noisemakers? 2047 01:44:31,861 --> 01:44:33,297 Alan, you are a noisemaker! 2048 01:44:33,322 --> 01:44:35,125 Where are my damn noisemakers? 2049 01:44:35,150 --> 01:44:36,708 I think she likes you better. 2050 01:44:36,733 --> 01:44:38,926 Yes. Meow, too. 2051 01:44:41,051 --> 01:44:43,846 James, my stomach hurts. 2052 01:44:44,535 --> 01:44:46,659 I like champagne, but it doesn't like me. 2053 01:44:46,698 --> 01:44:48,852 Oh, you're just being modest, Mary. 2054 01:44:49,192 --> 01:44:50,327 Ha ha ha! 2055 01:44:50,822 --> 01:44:52,404 Are you nauseous, dear? 2056 01:44:52,429 --> 01:44:53,160 My stomach. 2057 01:44:53,185 --> 01:44:54,352 Your stomach. 2058 01:44:54,778 --> 01:44:57,895 Well, pardon my pussy. 2059 01:44:57,920 --> 01:44:59,801 Everywhere I draw breath is a social hall! 2060 01:44:59,826 --> 01:45:01,619 Then go breathe somewhere else! 2061 01:45:01,644 --> 01:45:03,489 Aleck, I'm sure Jane means... 2062 01:45:04,131 --> 01:45:05,257 Aleck! 2063 01:45:05,806 --> 01:45:07,444 If you were a true gentleman, Aleck, 2064 01:45:07,469 --> 01:45:08,306 you'd pinch my ass! 2065 01:45:08,331 --> 01:45:10,652 Aleck, what the hell? 2066 01:45:10,677 --> 01:45:11,575 Calm down, please. 2067 01:45:11,600 --> 01:45:13,627 Will you please calm down, Aleck? 2068 01:45:16,965 --> 01:45:19,968 Didn't I give you a dollar when I got the Giant Tuesday? 2069 01:45:24,063 --> 01:45:25,478 You know, Charlie, 2070 01:45:27,253 --> 01:45:30,203 I actually made-believe we'd be married someday. 2071 01:45:31,011 --> 01:45:32,721 I even decided what to wear. 2072 01:45:32,746 --> 01:45:34,840 Ah, Jesus Christ, Dot. 2073 01:45:35,306 --> 01:45:38,643 A rather pinkish gray with butterfly orchids. 2074 01:45:40,041 --> 01:45:41,536 Your passion for unhappiness 2075 01:45:41,561 --> 01:45:42,972 is goddamn endless. 2076 01:45:45,108 --> 01:45:46,986 But you're fine, aren't you? 2077 01:45:47,931 --> 01:45:49,667 You're all well. 2078 01:45:51,471 --> 01:45:53,021 Just wish you wouldn't sentimentalize 2079 01:45:53,046 --> 01:45:54,516 all the time. 2080 01:45:55,670 --> 01:46:01,938 And I wish I never learned to take off my clothes. 2081 01:46:17,513 --> 01:46:19,216 Happy new year, Charlie. 2082 01:46:19,939 --> 01:46:20,942 Dottie. 2083 01:46:22,368 --> 01:46:24,594 Happy new year, John Peter. 2084 01:46:26,141 --> 01:46:28,851 Harpo, you'll appreciate this. 2085 01:46:29,323 --> 01:46:32,862 The wisdom tooth... A comedy in three acts. 2086 01:46:34,562 --> 01:46:35,303 Act one... 2087 01:46:35,328 --> 01:46:36,371 Ha ha ha! 2088 01:46:36,396 --> 01:46:37,217 Scene one. 2089 01:46:38,251 --> 01:46:39,343 It gets better. 2090 01:46:39,804 --> 01:46:41,389 "A men's washroom. 2091 01:46:41,970 --> 01:46:45,286 Four washbasins are against the wall, running diagonally." 2092 01:46:48,065 --> 01:46:50,230 - Why would I ruin the night? It would be... - Are you talking about quitting your job? 2093 01:46:50,254 --> 01:46:51,087 Oh, here. 2094 01:46:51,112 --> 01:46:52,803 Here. One of your friends. 2095 01:46:52,993 --> 01:46:54,434 Why don't you tell her about the fact 2096 01:46:54,458 --> 01:46:55,973 that you want to leave. 2097 01:46:56,045 --> 01:46:57,465 Too late, Mary. 2098 01:46:58,505 --> 01:46:59,338 Hmm? 2099 01:46:59,417 --> 01:47:00,858 Oh! 2100 01:47:01,790 --> 01:47:02,985 Did he swallow a nut? 2101 01:47:03,643 --> 01:47:05,403 - Have you been drinking, Ross? - Heavily. 2102 01:47:05,550 --> 01:47:07,828 Don't, for a minute, think I'm not incoherent. 2103 01:47:07,931 --> 01:47:09,932 I would never not think that. 2104 01:47:10,106 --> 01:47:11,234 There you two are. 2105 01:47:11,259 --> 01:47:13,181 I've been toothing this comb with a fine... 2106 01:47:13,206 --> 01:47:15,383 Put us back together, Dr. Benchley. 2107 01:47:15,451 --> 01:47:17,130 We're broken into little bits. 2108 01:47:17,155 --> 01:47:18,315 What seems to be the problem? 2109 01:47:18,339 --> 01:47:19,937 Oh God! You, sir, appear pained enough 2110 01:47:19,962 --> 01:47:21,996 to have appeared in my column. 2111 01:47:22,927 --> 01:47:25,705 I suppose I should say something amusing about leaving life, 2112 01:47:26,888 --> 01:47:29,449 but I'm afraid I don't find any of this amusing anymore. 2113 01:47:29,474 --> 01:47:31,351 What is everybody staring at? 2114 01:47:31,563 --> 01:47:33,042 That's rude of me. 2115 01:47:34,225 --> 01:47:35,133 Mr. Benchley. 2116 01:47:35,158 --> 01:47:36,288 Mr. Sherwood. 2117 01:47:37,077 --> 01:47:38,277 Mrs. Parker. 2118 01:47:47,517 --> 01:47:49,167 Where are you going, Robert? 2119 01:47:53,012 --> 01:47:55,582 Couldn't have stood another moment of him looking at me, 2120 01:47:56,331 --> 01:47:58,783 thinking of what a public clown I turned out to be. 2121 01:47:58,913 --> 01:48:00,204 Oh, Fred. 2122 01:48:00,429 --> 01:48:02,507 That's not what he was thinking at all. 2123 01:48:03,714 --> 01:48:04,706 Hello. 2124 01:48:09,741 --> 01:48:10,677 Bobby. 2125 01:48:10,702 --> 01:48:12,203 Mademoiselle Gerard! 2126 01:48:13,622 --> 01:48:15,436 - How did it go? - Great. 2127 01:48:17,410 --> 01:48:19,627 Isn't he just the bee's knees, Dottie? 2128 01:48:20,028 --> 01:48:21,320 Did you miss me? 2129 01:48:21,418 --> 01:48:23,368 Does the sun miss the stars? 2130 01:48:23,393 --> 01:48:25,394 Did Jackson miss-issippi? 2131 01:48:25,552 --> 01:48:27,864 - Cain miss Abel? - What do you say we go wild tonight? 2132 01:48:27,961 --> 01:48:29,460 If you insist. 2133 01:48:30,476 --> 01:48:32,232 Little Miss Muffet? 2134 01:48:32,743 --> 01:48:34,136 Christmas cheer? 2135 01:48:35,134 --> 01:48:36,505 I try to worry, Mrs. Parker, 2136 01:48:36,530 --> 01:48:37,775 but I can't. 2137 01:48:38,834 --> 01:48:40,461 Isn't anybody happy? 2138 01:48:41,356 --> 01:48:43,047 I feel sick to my stomach. 2139 01:48:44,794 --> 01:48:48,130 Tolstoy? I always found Tolstoy rather dreary! 2140 01:48:48,212 --> 01:48:49,121 Poor Alvan. 2141 01:48:49,146 --> 01:48:50,786 You're right. Tolstoy isn't very cheerful. 2142 01:48:50,810 --> 01:48:51,873 And sentimental! 2143 01:48:51,898 --> 01:48:53,358 Nor sentimental, for that matter. 2144 01:48:53,383 --> 01:48:54,884 What's he written? 2145 01:48:55,283 --> 01:48:57,643 He's a doctor, a psychotherapist. 2146 01:48:57,668 --> 01:48:59,054 A good one, too, actually. 2147 01:48:59,079 --> 01:49:02,598 Because of his understanding of how pure sorrow 2148 01:49:02,747 --> 01:49:05,399 is no more possible than pure joy. 2149 01:49:05,424 --> 01:49:08,010 That's hardly reasonable! 2150 01:49:09,380 --> 01:49:11,461 Your friends don't care for the Russians, I'm afraid. 2151 01:49:13,644 --> 01:49:14,847 Come on, doctor. 2152 01:49:15,179 --> 01:49:17,710 Let's talk about my sorrow and joy. 2153 01:49:18,100 --> 01:49:19,883 You don't mind, do you, Paula? 2154 01:49:20,696 --> 01:49:21,886 Why, no. 2155 01:49:22,072 --> 01:49:23,751 Well, at least I asked. 2156 01:49:24,035 --> 01:49:25,856 I'm a-Freud of that man. 2157 01:49:27,867 --> 01:49:30,119 Someone pay attention to me! 2158 01:49:39,052 --> 01:49:44,291 My great fear is being a bitter old woman alone in her room, 2159 01:49:44,924 --> 01:49:47,552 who, despite all requests for rain, 2160 01:49:47,623 --> 01:49:50,979 will meet her maker on a bright, sunny day. 2161 01:49:54,196 --> 01:49:56,178 I don't know if this is a terrible tragedy 2162 01:49:56,203 --> 01:49:58,038 or a big fucking joke. 2163 01:50:05,627 --> 01:50:06,774 Would you like a nut? 2164 01:50:06,799 --> 01:50:07,959 Could you just close the door 2165 01:50:07,983 --> 01:50:10,470 on your way out, please? 2166 01:50:13,888 --> 01:50:15,420 Oh, sit here. 2167 01:50:16,654 --> 01:50:18,019 Please. 2168 01:50:24,067 --> 01:50:25,436 Happy new year, Harp. 2169 01:50:37,300 --> 01:50:41,117 Well... what are you waiting for? 2170 01:50:43,479 --> 01:50:44,954 Analyze. 2171 01:50:49,140 --> 01:50:51,122 Analysis is a serious business. 2172 01:50:52,153 --> 01:50:53,794 Would it help if I cried? 2173 01:50:54,117 --> 01:50:56,782 One needs an office, for a certain amount of formality. 2174 01:50:57,213 --> 01:50:59,986 What if I put on a more expensive dress and then cried? 2175 01:51:02,581 --> 01:51:05,374 Well, it's safe to suggest that you... examine the need 2176 01:51:05,399 --> 01:51:06,559 you and your colleagues feel 2177 01:51:06,584 --> 01:51:08,040 to spend so much time together. 2178 01:51:08,579 --> 01:51:11,883 They're shits, really, except for Mr. Benchley. 2179 01:51:12,525 --> 01:51:15,140 That's quite a thing to say about your best friends. 2180 01:51:18,026 --> 01:51:19,701 Please be sweet. 2181 01:51:21,852 --> 01:51:24,220 Don't know why I can't work anymore, 2182 01:51:25,949 --> 01:51:29,102 why life is so goddamned painful. 2183 01:51:32,056 --> 01:51:34,984 If we identify your inability to work as the primary problem... 2184 01:51:35,009 --> 01:51:36,912 It's a tossup, really, between that 2185 01:51:36,937 --> 01:51:39,160 and my inability to get laid. 2186 01:51:40,001 --> 01:51:42,891 Then we ought to examine how your energy is being spent instead. 2187 01:51:43,857 --> 01:51:44,897 What else? 2188 01:51:45,363 --> 01:51:46,455 Your drinking. 2189 01:51:47,255 --> 01:51:50,126 Oh, it doesn't do me much good anymore, 2190 01:51:50,151 --> 01:51:51,826 but that's about the extent of it. 2191 01:51:51,851 --> 01:51:53,202 I have to disagree. 2192 01:51:53,631 --> 01:51:56,708 Well, maybe it's the bad whiskey I've been getting. 2193 01:51:56,733 --> 01:51:59,451 May I say, the real stuff never made me suffer. 2194 01:51:59,523 --> 01:52:01,660 It's not what you're suffering, Mrs. Parker. 2195 01:52:01,991 --> 01:52:03,189 It's what you're missing. 2196 01:52:03,484 --> 01:52:06,291 In my opinion, you and your friends are missing a great deal. 2197 01:52:08,116 --> 01:52:09,476 It's a sign of insecurity, 2198 01:52:09,501 --> 01:52:13,403 this compulsion to be constantly with each other, 2199 01:52:13,428 --> 01:52:15,446 to be constantly entertaining, 2200 01:52:15,471 --> 01:52:18,664 but never discussing one subject for long, never in-depth. 2201 01:52:19,391 --> 01:52:21,656 The serious side of your nature is lost... 2202 01:52:22,264 --> 01:52:23,881 Your purpose. 2203 01:52:24,688 --> 01:52:26,234 And then you can't write. 2204 01:52:28,668 --> 01:52:31,209 I think life is something more than being able to breathe. 2205 01:52:34,222 --> 01:52:37,156 Do I have to believe that to feel better? 2206 01:52:40,164 --> 01:52:41,476 Tell me about your mother. 2207 01:52:41,503 --> 01:52:43,389 She died when you were 5. Correct? 2208 01:52:45,139 --> 01:52:48,339 Actually, it was a month before my 5th birthday. 2209 01:52:49,444 --> 01:52:51,010 Oh... 2210 01:52:52,186 --> 01:52:54,211 Sometimes I... 2211 01:52:55,138 --> 01:52:58,790 I think I catch a bit of her voice, 2212 01:53:00,087 --> 01:53:01,700 her scent, 2213 01:53:02,469 --> 01:53:04,425 something she once said, 2214 01:53:04,998 --> 01:53:09,123 and then it... It slips away. 2215 01:53:10,937 --> 01:53:13,904 Oh, I suppose she loved me and kept me warm. 2216 01:53:13,929 --> 01:53:15,509 And made sure I ate roughage, 2217 01:53:15,534 --> 01:53:17,110 but the, uh... 2218 01:53:18,894 --> 01:53:23,332 the truth is, I... barely remember a thing about her. 2219 01:53:24,250 --> 01:53:25,450 That's no reason to be afraid. 2220 01:53:25,474 --> 01:53:26,668 It's good to remember. 2221 01:53:27,124 --> 01:53:28,752 But I'm not remembering. 2222 01:53:28,956 --> 01:53:30,625 I'm just guessing. 2223 01:53:32,511 --> 01:53:34,386 I'm guessing everything. 2224 01:53:35,052 --> 01:53:37,025 It would be different, if only... 2225 01:53:37,710 --> 01:53:38,584 Ah... 2226 01:53:39,204 --> 01:53:41,998 If only this. If only that. 2227 01:53:47,223 --> 01:53:48,383 Where are you going, Dorothy? 2228 01:53:48,407 --> 01:53:50,391 I'm returning to my room. 2229 01:53:50,492 --> 01:53:52,695 My anxieties are waiting. They miss me. 2230 01:53:52,995 --> 01:53:54,483 You think that's a good idea? 2231 01:53:54,925 --> 01:53:56,644 I like my room. 2232 01:53:56,718 --> 01:53:58,553 Everything I need is there. 2233 01:53:59,626 --> 01:54:01,027 Don't you think you should stay here 2234 01:54:01,051 --> 01:54:03,504 until you face this pain more directly? 2235 01:54:04,140 --> 01:54:06,164 Face it more directly? 2236 01:54:06,844 --> 01:54:08,971 Um, I face it every day. 2237 01:54:09,424 --> 01:54:11,253 I fall in love with married men, 2238 01:54:11,372 --> 01:54:12,824 but I do it on purpose. 2239 01:54:12,849 --> 01:54:16,586 I drink too much, and that's because I'm thirsty. 2240 01:54:16,738 --> 01:54:23,032 And I write doodads because it's a doodad kind of town. 2241 01:54:24,268 --> 01:54:29,231 It's, um, nothing... personal, doctor, 2242 01:54:30,092 --> 01:54:32,225 but I think my version of pain 2243 01:54:32,250 --> 01:54:34,022 is more fun than yours. 2244 01:54:36,778 --> 01:54:38,132 You're up. 2245 01:54:39,624 --> 01:54:41,042 Mr. Kaufman. 2246 01:54:41,788 --> 01:54:43,510 I'm surprised to see you here. 2247 01:54:43,998 --> 01:54:47,865 You, me, all of Manhattan, and parts of Schenectady, I'm sure. 2248 01:54:49,404 --> 01:54:51,218 Did she say anything about me? 2249 01:55:13,854 --> 01:55:17,277 Just a little one... while we're up. 2250 01:55:17,490 --> 01:55:20,225 My dear, do let me congratulate you. 2251 01:55:20,290 --> 01:55:22,941 You must be terribly proud and happy... 2252 01:55:23,654 --> 01:55:24,376 Who? 2253 01:55:24,401 --> 01:55:25,255 Dorothy Parker. 2254 01:55:25,280 --> 01:55:26,906 Dorothy Parker, yeah, the writer. 2255 01:55:26,970 --> 01:55:28,406 I worked with her and her husband 2256 01:55:28,431 --> 01:55:30,599 in Hollywood a long time ago. 2257 01:55:30,701 --> 01:55:32,204 They had just remarried. 2258 01:55:34,432 --> 01:55:35,911 Didn't she commit suicide? 2259 01:55:35,936 --> 01:55:37,404 Shh. No, no, no. 2260 01:55:37,429 --> 01:55:39,710 - What? I'm just asking a question. - She was very famous. 2261 01:55:39,792 --> 01:55:42,681 For writing movies or for marrying the same guy twice? 2262 01:55:43,574 --> 01:55:45,034 For having lunch, mostly. 2263 01:55:45,059 --> 01:55:46,596 Ha ha ha! 2264 01:55:47,637 --> 01:55:49,340 Is that a double? 2265 01:55:49,410 --> 01:55:51,329 You didn't ask for a double, lady. 2266 01:55:51,386 --> 01:55:52,591 I didn't? 2267 01:55:53,663 --> 01:55:56,250 I meant to. I promise you. 2268 01:55:58,018 --> 01:55:59,788 I'll get you another one. 2269 01:56:03,134 --> 01:56:05,554 How about a little tummy rub? 2270 01:56:06,284 --> 01:56:08,786 Part of the romance of digestion. 2271 01:56:09,540 --> 01:56:11,434 I want you to meet her. Just for a second. 2272 01:56:13,198 --> 01:56:14,836 It's all right. Go ahead. Sit. 2273 01:56:16,776 --> 01:56:19,281 Mrs. Parker, I hope we're not disturbing you. 2274 01:56:19,426 --> 01:56:20,397 Well... 2275 01:56:21,160 --> 01:56:22,330 Do you remember me? 2276 01:56:22,919 --> 01:56:24,621 Honey, I don't remember this morning. 2277 01:56:24,646 --> 01:56:26,351 Ha ha ha! 2278 01:56:27,370 --> 01:56:28,622 I'm Fred Hunter. 2279 01:56:28,647 --> 01:56:30,111 I acted in a picture that you 2280 01:56:30,136 --> 01:56:31,416 and your husband, Alan Campbell, 2281 01:56:31,440 --> 01:56:33,631 wrote several years ago... 2282 01:56:34,182 --> 01:56:35,774 Flight to Nowhere. 2283 01:56:36,397 --> 01:56:38,161 Well, I got cut out, but... 2284 01:56:38,186 --> 01:56:39,153 Honey, if I wrote it, 2285 01:56:39,178 --> 01:56:40,923 they cut me out, too. 2286 01:56:42,199 --> 01:56:44,114 These are two friends of mine... Marcy and June. 2287 01:56:44,139 --> 01:56:46,155 This is Mrs. Parker, Dorothy Parker. 2288 01:56:46,379 --> 01:56:47,944 Can we buy you a drink? 2289 01:56:48,271 --> 01:56:50,596 Well, sure. Ha ha ha! 2290 01:56:50,627 --> 01:56:53,644 Can we get another drink here for Mrs. Parker? 2291 01:56:53,816 --> 01:56:56,532 I was just telling them about the old Hollywood days 2292 01:56:56,557 --> 01:56:57,815 and about your husband. 2293 01:56:57,840 --> 01:57:00,306 He was so, so nice to me when we worked together. 2294 01:57:00,776 --> 01:57:03,028 I don't doubt it. 2295 01:57:04,048 --> 01:57:06,143 Unhappily... oh, I beg your pardon. 2296 01:57:06,259 --> 01:57:08,746 Happily, I'm away from Hollywood now, 2297 01:57:08,854 --> 01:57:11,829 and I don't have to hear about that crap. 2298 01:57:13,289 --> 01:57:14,649 Whatever happened to that director? 2299 01:57:14,674 --> 01:57:16,074 What was his name? I can't remember. 2300 01:57:16,098 --> 01:57:17,686 He went to jail, 2301 01:57:18,234 --> 01:57:21,337 for being an American in the U.S. of A. 2302 01:57:21,834 --> 01:57:23,471 Oh, really. Jail? 2303 01:57:24,025 --> 01:57:26,361 Oh, you mean because of the... right. 2304 01:57:26,637 --> 01:57:28,096 Thank you. 2305 01:57:28,321 --> 01:57:30,712 Did you, uh, I mean... 2306 01:57:30,737 --> 01:57:32,446 Oh, no, no, dear. 2307 01:57:32,790 --> 01:57:35,431 But I bought a new hat, just in case. 2308 01:57:36,901 --> 01:57:38,541 Well, there's plenty of money in Hollywood 2309 01:57:38,565 --> 01:57:39,521 to buy things with. 2310 01:57:39,546 --> 01:57:40,753 Oh, Hollywood. 2311 01:57:40,880 --> 01:57:42,259 Money isn't real. 2312 01:57:42,284 --> 01:57:43,534 It's like... 2313 01:57:43,559 --> 01:57:45,669 Well, I don't know what the money is like. 2314 01:57:45,694 --> 01:57:48,478 It's like small ice in your hand. 2315 01:57:49,167 --> 01:57:50,930 We got to go. 2316 01:57:51,050 --> 01:57:52,689 Oh, okay. Great. 2317 01:57:52,714 --> 01:57:55,390 Mrs. Parker, we're on our way to a movie. 2318 01:57:55,415 --> 01:57:56,906 Would you like to join us? 2319 01:57:57,050 --> 01:57:59,423 Why were you just asking me about Hollywood? 2320 01:57:59,517 --> 01:58:02,928 The thing has come down on me like a curtain, 2321 01:58:03,045 --> 01:58:05,339 and I don't want to remember those things. 2322 01:58:05,521 --> 01:58:07,777 Why are you trying to split these curtains to me... 2323 01:58:07,802 --> 01:58:10,421 Just a nice woman trying to talk to you? 2324 01:58:10,517 --> 01:58:12,517 - Fred, we're going to be late. - Just trying to... 2325 01:58:12,541 --> 01:58:15,398 Okay, alright great. Well, anyway... 2326 01:58:15,423 --> 01:58:16,695 Fred... 2327 01:58:17,246 --> 01:58:19,315 Always late. 2328 01:58:20,694 --> 01:58:25,636 Someone said they'd have to keep heaven open after hours for him. 2329 01:58:26,361 --> 01:58:27,656 Ha. 2330 01:58:28,866 --> 01:58:30,978 Well, Mrs. Parker, it's a pleasure to see you. 2331 01:58:31,003 --> 01:58:33,825 You look... It's nice to see you. 2332 01:58:42,524 --> 01:58:43,675 Well... 2333 01:58:46,604 --> 01:58:49,916 A dependable fact-of-life cliche... 2334 01:58:50,435 --> 01:58:54,667 Everything's always worse than you thought it would be. 2335 01:59:14,442 --> 01:59:16,902 We are here to honor Dorothy Parker 2336 01:59:16,927 --> 01:59:19,469 because the clean wit of her verse 2337 01:59:19,705 --> 01:59:22,131 and the sharp perceptions in her stories. 2338 01:59:22,333 --> 01:59:25,158 Have produced a brilliant record of our times. 2339 01:59:26,134 --> 01:59:28,382 Because of Mrs. Parker's true talent, 2340 01:59:28,540 --> 01:59:31,388 her early work gives us as much pleasure today 2341 01:59:31,526 --> 01:59:33,778 as it did 30 years ago. 2342 01:59:34,090 --> 01:59:35,000 And so... 2343 01:59:35,001 --> 01:59:36,228 What horse shit, 2344 01:59:36,253 --> 01:59:37,936 with apologies to the horses. 2345 01:59:37,961 --> 01:59:40,671 ...happily names Dorothy Parker 2346 01:59:40,815 --> 01:59:45,137 as this year's recipient of the Marjorie Peabody Waite award 2347 01:59:45,246 --> 01:59:47,153 for achievement and integrity. 2348 02:00:21,289 --> 02:00:23,768 I never thought I'd make it. 2349 02:02:15,205 --> 02:02:17,215 Do you miss the glamour of the jazz age? 2350 02:02:17,240 --> 02:02:21,570 Glamour? They ought to call it the dingy decade. 2351 02:02:21,634 --> 02:02:24,744 What disturbs you most about American culture, Mrs. Parker? 2352 02:02:25,859 --> 02:02:31,497 Stupidity, intolerance, and segregation... particularly segregation. 2353 02:02:32,729 --> 02:02:34,967 Is it true that you were involved in 2354 02:02:34,992 --> 02:02:36,502 the Spanish Civil War? 2355 02:02:36,759 --> 02:02:39,425 Why do we have to go into that? Yes, I was! 2356 02:02:40,200 --> 02:02:43,184 Indeed, I should like to say 2357 02:02:44,263 --> 02:02:47,114 it was the proudest thing I've ever been of. 2358 02:02:47,592 --> 02:02:49,542 I was, for a time, 2359 02:02:49,567 --> 02:02:53,863 with the proudest people I've ever been of. 2360 02:02:54,096 --> 02:02:56,554 And that doesn't hurt you, you know. 2361 02:02:57,364 --> 02:03:00,189 What do you think of Kerouac and the beat generation writers? 2362 02:03:00,546 --> 02:03:03,951 Well, you'll... You'll take him. 2363 02:03:05,950 --> 02:03:08,469 I think this thing of the beat generation... 2364 02:03:08,494 --> 02:03:09,648 Do you mind? 2365 02:03:10,021 --> 02:03:11,182 I think it's really nonsense, 2366 02:03:11,206 --> 02:03:13,319 and I think in a couple of years, 2367 02:03:13,401 --> 02:03:14,812 they'll be forgotten. 2368 02:03:14,959 --> 02:03:18,754 But us, messy as we were and all that, 2369 02:03:18,842 --> 02:03:20,504 we're not going to be forgotten, 2370 02:03:20,545 --> 02:03:22,734 because some of us came out of it. 2371 02:03:22,984 --> 02:03:25,516 There came out Benchley. There came out Fitzgerald. 2372 02:03:25,541 --> 02:03:26,698 There came out Hemingway. 2373 02:03:26,723 --> 02:03:28,099 There came out Broun. 2374 02:03:28,192 --> 02:03:29,903 There came out Sherwood. 2375 02:03:30,059 --> 02:03:32,340 Well, for heaven's sweet sake, 2376 02:03:32,404 --> 02:03:34,405 who's coming out of the beatniks? 2377 02:03:34,531 --> 02:03:37,332 All right. Kerouac. All right. All right. 2378 02:03:37,357 --> 02:03:38,591 Ha ha ha! 2379 02:03:38,670 --> 02:03:39,671 Have you thought about 2380 02:03:39,696 --> 02:03:40,936 what you'd like to have written 2381 02:03:40,960 --> 02:03:42,920 on your tombstone, Mrs. Parker? 2382 02:03:43,250 --> 02:03:47,212 What a morbid thing to ask a person. 2383 02:03:48,238 --> 02:03:50,652 You've just stolen my heart. 2384 02:03:51,946 --> 02:03:55,205 Actually, I have composed something 2385 02:03:55,230 --> 02:03:56,740 for my epitaph. 2386 02:03:56,765 --> 02:03:58,872 Something memorable, I hope. 2387 02:03:59,052 --> 02:04:01,099 Well, I'm not a bit surprised. 2388 02:04:01,201 --> 02:04:03,674 Are you going to let me know what it is? 2389 02:04:13,306 --> 02:04:15,134 Come here, dear. 2390 02:04:15,442 --> 02:04:17,447 Off we go. 2391 02:04:18,478 --> 02:04:19,865 Excuse me. 2392 02:04:21,977 --> 02:04:23,596 What did she say?166117

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