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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,693 --> 00:00:04,693 -Hey! -MAN: Whoa! 2 00:00:04,776 --> 00:00:06,776 -I'm back. -I don't care. 3 00:00:06,859 --> 00:00:08,359 PETE HOLMES: I didn't mean to break up with you 4 00:00:08,442 --> 00:00:10,275 on a street corner. Sorry. 5 00:00:10,359 --> 00:00:11,943 I kinda felt it that time. 6 00:00:12,025 --> 00:00:13,901 Congrats on being a human being. 7 00:00:14,693 --> 00:00:16,693 PETE: Even getting an audition at The Cellar 8 00:00:16,776 --> 00:00:18,025 is a really, really big deal. 9 00:00:18,109 --> 00:00:19,067 The right people see me, 10 00:00:19,150 --> 00:00:21,109 maybe I tour, maybe I open for somebody. 11 00:00:21,192 --> 00:00:22,651 -MC: Pete Holmes! -(AUDIENCE CHEERS) 12 00:00:22,734 --> 00:00:24,192 -You guys pee in the pool? -(AUDIENCE LAUGHS) 13 00:00:24,275 --> 00:00:26,192 It is one of the truest acts of freedom 14 00:00:26,275 --> 00:00:28,859 to stand three feet away from a stranger, just like, 15 00:00:28,943 --> 00:00:30,526 -"What's going on?" -(AUDIENCE LAUGHS) 16 00:00:30,609 --> 00:00:33,192 Thank you, Cellar! Whoo! Thank you. 17 00:00:33,651 --> 00:00:36,109 (SINGING) That was a good set. 18 00:00:36,734 --> 00:00:39,192 You're not ready. I have plenty of white guys 19 00:00:39,275 --> 00:00:40,442 talking about nothing. 20 00:00:48,401 --> 00:00:50,901 (laughter, cheers) 21 00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:53,484 I was on a train once, man, and, uh, 22 00:00:53,567 --> 00:00:55,567 this kid hopped on the train with a box of candy. 23 00:00:55,651 --> 00:00:57,859 And he looked at everybody and was like, "Hey everybody! 24 00:00:57,943 --> 00:00:59,275 My name's Reggie. 25 00:00:59,359 --> 00:01:00,484 I'm raising money 26 00:01:00,567 --> 00:01:02,609 for my community center-- I am. 27 00:01:02,693 --> 00:01:05,734 It'd mean a lot if you just, you know, help me out, 28 00:01:05,818 --> 00:01:07,984 with whatever you got, it would mean a lot. 29 00:01:08,067 --> 00:01:10,734 Man, no one gave him any money, nobody. 30 00:01:10,818 --> 00:01:11,984 I know, it's pretty sad! 31 00:01:12,067 --> 00:01:13,567 Honest kid, trying to make a living, you know? 32 00:01:13,651 --> 00:01:15,401 And he was doing something charitable, right? 33 00:01:15,484 --> 00:01:16,901 And that's when he got mad. 34 00:01:16,984 --> 00:01:18,442 He was like, "You know what? 35 00:01:18,526 --> 00:01:21,025 I could be out killing y'all, but I'm not!" 36 00:01:21,109 --> 00:01:23,067 And then everybody pulled out money. 37 00:01:23,150 --> 00:01:25,067 They were like, "All right, you can have it." 38 00:01:25,150 --> 00:01:26,943 And he was like, "Nah, it's too late! It's too late! 39 00:01:27,025 --> 00:01:29,526 "Nah, the Twizzler Strangler's back! 40 00:01:29,609 --> 00:01:31,901 -(laughter) -You had your chance! 41 00:01:31,984 --> 00:01:34,359 -(cheers and applause) -Thank you guys so much 42 00:01:34,442 --> 00:01:36,734 for coming to the latest installment of Dirty Loads. 43 00:01:36,818 --> 00:01:38,109 I'm your host, Russell. 44 00:01:38,192 --> 00:01:39,859 Your next comic coming to the stage is hilarious. 45 00:01:39,943 --> 00:01:41,359 You probably seen him around the city. 46 00:01:41,442 --> 00:01:44,609 Put your hands together for Solomon Georgio! 47 00:01:44,693 --> 00:01:48,109 (cheers and applause) 48 00:01:48,192 --> 00:01:51,150 Russell, everybody! Give it up for ya host tonight. 49 00:01:51,234 --> 00:01:53,526 Isn't that perfect? Ha! 50 00:01:53,609 --> 00:01:56,651 Ah, first thing you should know about me, uh, 51 00:01:56,734 --> 00:01:58,401 is that I am gay as hell. 52 00:01:58,484 --> 00:01:59,734 (laughter) 53 00:01:59,818 --> 00:02:01,067 Thank you. I'm great at it. 54 00:02:01,150 --> 00:02:02,818 -What's up, man? -How you been? 55 00:02:02,901 --> 00:02:06,025 -What's going on? -Oh, great! How's college life, man? 56 00:02:06,109 --> 00:02:08,484 Good, you know, it was good. 57 00:02:08,567 --> 00:02:10,401 -Yeah, man. -Yeah. 58 00:02:10,484 --> 00:02:12,025 This is you? This is incredible! 59 00:02:12,109 --> 00:02:14,818 This is my show, man. It started off really, really small. 60 00:02:14,901 --> 00:02:17,192 Then, it just grew. Look at all these people. 61 00:02:17,275 --> 00:02:19,192 They brought their own beer, man. 62 00:02:19,275 --> 00:02:22,818 Straight men that don't eat pussy are the gayest thing... 63 00:02:22,901 --> 00:02:24,776 (laughter) 64 00:02:26,317 --> 00:02:29,109 ...in the whole wide world! 65 00:02:29,192 --> 00:02:31,317 You know, since I've been back, it's been-- 66 00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:34,192 it's been a little light, you know? I'd love to-- 67 00:02:34,275 --> 00:02:35,609 if you have room tonight-- 68 00:02:35,693 --> 00:02:37,359 I'd jump up in a heartbeat, you know? 69 00:02:37,442 --> 00:02:39,693 Yeah, I would love to put you on, too, 70 00:02:39,776 --> 00:02:43,109 but I'm completely booked for the whole night, man. 71 00:02:43,192 --> 00:02:44,442 Uh, look, 72 00:02:44,526 --> 00:02:46,484 two or three months, I got you, all right? 73 00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:48,359 -Okay. You got my number? -I'll see you around. 74 00:02:48,442 --> 00:02:50,192 -I got your number! -All right, cool. 75 00:02:50,275 --> 00:02:52,275 (cheers and applause) 76 00:02:54,859 --> 00:02:56,651 I know what you guys are saying. "Greg," 77 00:02:56,734 --> 00:02:59,943 talk about trickle-down economics." Well... 78 00:03:00,025 --> 00:03:02,025 Here's the thing... (continues indistinctly) 79 00:03:02,109 --> 00:03:03,275 Hey, Pete! 80 00:03:03,359 --> 00:03:05,818 -Elon Gold. What's up? -Oh. Yeah, hey. 81 00:03:05,901 --> 00:03:07,984 I saw you at The Cellar last night. 82 00:03:08,067 --> 00:03:10,359 Yeah, I saw you. You fucking killed. 83 00:03:10,442 --> 00:03:12,818 It was, like-- I can't believe Estee didn't pass you. 84 00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:14,567 That was, like, a solid set. 85 00:03:14,651 --> 00:03:16,401 Wow, thank you. 86 00:03:16,484 --> 00:03:18,234 I'm doing a... I'm doing a gig 87 00:03:18,317 --> 00:03:20,693 that I think you'd be perfect for. 88 00:03:20,776 --> 00:03:23,776 -Yes. I'm open to anything. -Would you? 89 00:03:23,859 --> 00:03:26,859 It's a shul, synagogue. It's a temple event. 90 00:03:26,943 --> 00:03:30,067 -Oh, I'm not Jewish. -They won't care. 91 00:03:30,150 --> 00:03:31,609 They'll like you even more. 92 00:03:31,693 --> 00:03:34,526 But do it. Just e-mail me, and I'll get you the details, 93 00:03:34,609 --> 00:03:38,859 -and it'll be great. -Sure, yeah. I'll e-mohel you. 94 00:03:38,943 --> 00:03:42,025 That's an e-mail where you cut off the subject. 95 00:03:42,693 --> 00:03:46,901 -Don't do that at the show. -I'm sorry. 96 00:03:46,984 --> 00:03:48,484 Mazel! 97 00:03:48,984 --> 00:03:51,359 ♪ ♪ 98 00:03:53,818 --> 00:03:55,192 Thank you. 99 00:03:57,234 --> 00:03:58,275 I'd bring back, um, 100 00:03:58,359 --> 00:04:00,484 what you left at my place, but, you know... 101 00:04:00,567 --> 00:04:03,025 You didn't have a place. 102 00:04:03,526 --> 00:04:06,609 Yeah, no place. I have a place now. 103 00:04:06,693 --> 00:04:10,484 Mm. That's cool. That's great. 104 00:04:11,025 --> 00:04:13,067 Um, shit, so, 105 00:04:13,150 --> 00:04:16,275 I don't think I told you this, but I'm actually, um, 106 00:04:16,359 --> 00:04:19,150 I'm seeing someone, someone I met at work. 107 00:04:19,901 --> 00:04:21,526 Is he your boss? 108 00:04:21,609 --> 00:04:23,192 No, he's not my boss. 109 00:04:23,275 --> 00:04:25,901 -He's right here. Hi. -Hey, babe. 110 00:04:25,984 --> 00:04:27,609 -How's it going? -Um, ooh! 111 00:04:27,693 --> 00:04:30,150 Uh, Ted, this is my friend, Pete. 112 00:04:30,234 --> 00:04:31,526 Hiya, Ned. 113 00:04:31,609 --> 00:04:34,526 -Yeah, I'm Ted, like the talks. -(Ali chuckles) 114 00:04:35,693 --> 00:04:36,943 Yeah, I've heard of them. 115 00:04:37,025 --> 00:04:39,067 If you guys have a minute, I'd love to just 116 00:04:39,150 --> 00:04:40,401 stand on a red dot, 117 00:04:40,484 --> 00:04:43,359 and tell you about the hidden power of introverts. 118 00:04:44,109 --> 00:04:46,359 He has such a dry sense of humor. 119 00:04:47,150 --> 00:04:48,442 Well, nice to meet you. I'm-- yeah. 120 00:04:48,526 --> 00:04:50,109 Pete and I, um, yeah-- 121 00:04:50,192 --> 00:04:51,651 Me and Pete, we do comedy together. 122 00:04:51,734 --> 00:04:53,192 -Stand-up. -Ted: Oh. 123 00:04:53,275 --> 00:04:56,109 Did you tell him about Seth Myers? 124 00:04:57,234 --> 00:05:00,275 You're doing Seth-- Are you doing Late Night? 125 00:05:00,359 --> 00:05:02,359 Yes. Yeah. 126 00:05:02,442 --> 00:05:06,651 -Tell him how it happened. -Oh, um, it was kind of crazy. 127 00:05:06,734 --> 00:05:08,693 I was performing at The Comedy Cellar, 128 00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:11,484 and, um, the bookers were just, like, in the audience. 129 00:05:11,567 --> 00:05:13,317 Ted: It was so funny. 130 00:05:13,901 --> 00:05:16,818 -Is that cookie for me? -Oh, for both of you. 131 00:05:16,901 --> 00:05:19,192 Uh, yeah, once I put the cookie on the table, 132 00:05:19,275 --> 00:05:21,025 it's anyone's ball game. 133 00:05:21,109 --> 00:05:24,109 -Are those raisins? -Am I a monster? 134 00:05:24,192 --> 00:05:27,234 -This is a hundred percent chocolate chip. -You! 135 00:05:27,317 --> 00:05:29,567 -I'll see you upstairs? -Okay. 136 00:05:29,651 --> 00:05:32,109 Pete, nice to meet you. 137 00:05:33,609 --> 00:05:34,526 Shit. 138 00:05:34,609 --> 00:05:36,234 I know, he's so great. 139 00:05:36,317 --> 00:05:39,192 Yeah, he's dreamy. I'm talking about Seth Myers. 140 00:05:39,275 --> 00:05:42,025 -You're doing Late Night? -It's not that big of a deal. 141 00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:44,401 -It's a big deal. -No, it's not. 142 00:05:44,484 --> 00:05:47,442 It's huge, and you deserve it. 143 00:05:49,567 --> 00:05:52,651 What's with that jacket? Who gave that to you? 144 00:05:52,734 --> 00:05:54,234 G.I. Joey Fatone? 145 00:05:54,317 --> 00:05:55,984 -We back...? -On the jacket. 146 00:05:56,067 --> 00:05:58,234 We're back on the jacket, yeah. Yep, yep, yep. 147 00:05:58,317 --> 00:06:01,025 Good, good. Fresh topic. Hot topic. 148 00:06:01,109 --> 00:06:03,442 ♪ ♪ 149 00:06:04,776 --> 00:06:06,818 Excuse me, uh, miss? 150 00:06:06,901 --> 00:06:09,693 Hi. I'd like to return this jacket. 151 00:06:09,776 --> 00:06:11,776 I'll get the manager. 152 00:06:19,109 --> 00:06:21,484 That's why people shop online. 153 00:06:23,275 --> 00:06:25,109 Why are you returning that? 154 00:06:25,442 --> 00:06:28,317 -Uh, mockery, mostly. -Mm. 155 00:06:28,401 --> 00:06:30,442 Every time I wear it, people make fun of me. 156 00:06:30,526 --> 00:06:31,859 A friend of mine told me I look like 157 00:06:31,943 --> 00:06:33,651 I manage the band Hanson. 158 00:06:34,234 --> 00:06:35,442 I love Hanson. 159 00:06:35,526 --> 00:06:36,901 I also love Hanson. 160 00:06:36,984 --> 00:06:39,067 I don't think that's-- Everybody loves Hanson. 161 00:06:39,150 --> 00:06:40,984 -Some people just don't admit it. -Yeah. 162 00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:42,984 Show me someone who watched Hanson and was like, 163 00:06:43,067 --> 00:06:44,818 "What a bunch of tools." 164 00:06:46,401 --> 00:06:47,943 Let me see that on you. 165 00:06:49,484 --> 00:06:51,567 -Right now? -Yeah. 166 00:06:51,651 --> 00:06:53,442 All right. 167 00:06:55,150 --> 00:06:57,109 All right, guys, "Mm-bop" from the top. 168 00:06:57,192 --> 00:06:58,859 That's a good jacket. 169 00:06:58,943 --> 00:07:01,776 -Really? -It looks good on you. Yeah, it like, suits you. 170 00:07:01,859 --> 00:07:03,317 You should keep it. 171 00:07:03,401 --> 00:07:05,609 -Seriously? -Yeah, I think so. 172 00:07:05,693 --> 00:07:08,526 Just keep it. Yeah. 173 00:07:09,567 --> 00:07:11,776 Don't, uh-- I want to try something. 174 00:07:11,859 --> 00:07:13,275 Don't tell me your name. 175 00:07:13,359 --> 00:07:15,442 -I wasn't planning on it. -Yeah, well, good. 176 00:07:15,526 --> 00:07:17,109 -Okay. Okay. -Stay with that. 177 00:07:17,192 --> 00:07:19,109 This is weird. I'm a little bit psychic. 178 00:07:19,192 --> 00:07:21,150 -No kidding. Okay. -Yeah, I am. 179 00:07:21,234 --> 00:07:22,317 Ever since I bought the jacket, 180 00:07:22,401 --> 00:07:23,901 powers have been coming to me. 181 00:07:23,984 --> 00:07:26,901 -Right. -Your, your name-- don't tell me... 182 00:07:26,984 --> 00:07:29,275 -Okay. -...is Linda? 183 00:07:29,359 --> 00:07:31,442 -No. Oh, I'm sorry. -Don't-- 184 00:07:31,526 --> 00:07:32,943 -Not till I'm done. -Okay. 185 00:07:33,025 --> 00:07:34,109 Your name is Linda, 186 00:07:34,192 --> 00:07:36,275 your mother's name is Belinda, 187 00:07:36,359 --> 00:07:42,025 and you have two sisters: Flan and Darren. 188 00:07:43,567 --> 00:07:46,275 -You... nailed it. Yeah. -Did I? 189 00:07:46,359 --> 00:07:48,984 It's a gift, it's a curse-- It's a gift. 190 00:07:49,067 --> 00:07:50,859 What did you say your name was? 191 00:07:50,943 --> 00:07:52,359 Dan...? Dank? 192 00:07:52,442 --> 00:07:54,984 -You're guessing my name now? -Yeah. Is it Dank? 193 00:07:55,067 --> 00:07:57,943 -And you're pronouncing it correctly, too. -(laughs) 194 00:07:58,025 --> 00:08:00,776 -Nice to meet you, Linda. -Hi, Dank. Linda. 195 00:08:01,859 --> 00:08:03,943 Do you want to get a coffee with me? 196 00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:06,150 ♪ ♪ 197 00:08:06,234 --> 00:08:08,734 I don't. I don't normally drink coffee. 198 00:08:08,818 --> 00:08:10,693 -Oh yeah? -Nope. 199 00:08:10,776 --> 00:08:12,401 I run on anxiety. 200 00:08:14,442 --> 00:08:17,150 I hope this isn't a shock, but I'm a-- I do stand-up. 201 00:08:17,234 --> 00:08:18,734 -I'm a comedian. -Of course! 202 00:08:18,818 --> 00:08:19,901 No, yeah, I do. 203 00:08:19,984 --> 00:08:21,484 -That's cool! -Is it? 204 00:08:21,567 --> 00:08:23,567 Yeah, that's a really cool job. 205 00:08:23,651 --> 00:08:25,567 I'm not, like, established. I'm sort of... 206 00:08:25,651 --> 00:08:26,859 still grinding it out. 207 00:08:26,943 --> 00:08:29,317 I just did a college tour, um-- 208 00:08:29,401 --> 00:08:30,734 I do have a show tonight, actually. 209 00:08:30,818 --> 00:08:33,150 I'm performing at a synagogue, so... 210 00:08:33,234 --> 00:08:34,609 -Cool! -No. 211 00:08:34,693 --> 00:08:37,192 -Not cool? -I said synagogue, 212 00:08:37,275 --> 00:08:39,401 not-- there's no word that even 213 00:08:39,484 --> 00:08:40,943 sounds like synagogue that's cool. 214 00:08:41,025 --> 00:08:43,150 What synagogue? What temple are you doing? 215 00:08:43,234 --> 00:08:45,859 -Are you Jewish? -No, but I have a lot of Jewish friends. 216 00:08:45,943 --> 00:08:47,859 -The Jews love me. -What are you, whitefish? 217 00:08:47,943 --> 00:08:49,526 (laughing) 218 00:08:49,609 --> 00:08:52,984 See, I'm trying to write all this Jewish material, but it just feels racist. 219 00:08:53,609 --> 00:08:55,567 -That one was good. -Okay. 220 00:08:56,442 --> 00:08:58,984 I don't, um, I don't know... 221 00:08:59,067 --> 00:09:01,567 I don't know who I'm having coffee with. 222 00:09:01,651 --> 00:09:03,901 -It's fun, but I don't-- -Yeah, we don't know each other's names. 223 00:09:03,984 --> 00:09:05,693 -We don't know each other's real names. -Yeah. 224 00:09:05,776 --> 00:09:09,234 -It is kind of fun, but-- -We're living in the tension. 225 00:09:09,317 --> 00:09:11,442 Should we ante up? 226 00:09:11,859 --> 00:09:13,609 Should we say our names at the same time? 227 00:09:13,693 --> 00:09:16,359 -Yeah, okay. -Three, two, one... 228 00:09:16,442 --> 00:09:17,442 -Pete. -Kat. 229 00:09:17,526 --> 00:09:18,984 Pete. 230 00:09:19,067 --> 00:09:20,442 -Similar. -Yeah. 231 00:09:20,526 --> 00:09:23,275 -Hard T sound in the middle. -Monosyllabic. 232 00:09:23,734 --> 00:09:25,818 Wait, I want to see you perform some-- 233 00:09:25,901 --> 00:09:27,150 What's your last name? 234 00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:29,901 -Holmes, why? -Do you have stuff on YouTube? 235 00:09:29,984 --> 00:09:32,693 -Well, yeah, but-- Can we not? -I want to see you perform. 236 00:09:32,776 --> 00:09:35,192 -Seriously, it's better if-- -Don't be embarrassed. 237 00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:37,109 -If you want to come see me-- -Don't be embarrassed. 238 00:09:37,192 --> 00:09:39,526 -Just let me-- Okay, I'm just gonna choose one. -Okay. 239 00:09:39,609 --> 00:09:40,984 I'm watching one. 240 00:09:42,818 --> 00:09:45,275 Shh! I'm listening. 241 00:09:46,067 --> 00:09:48,234 Okay, great. 242 00:09:51,109 --> 00:09:55,025 -(Kat laughs) -No, no. Be real. 243 00:09:56,401 --> 00:09:58,859 (laughing) 244 00:10:05,734 --> 00:10:08,526 -What are we doing? -We're looking for a dress 245 00:10:08,609 --> 00:10:11,025 for me to wear to a bachelorette party tonight. 246 00:10:11,109 --> 00:10:12,567 -Oh. Fun. -Yeah. 247 00:10:12,651 --> 00:10:14,776 Okay, tell me something else. 248 00:10:14,859 --> 00:10:16,192 -About me? -Uh-huh. 249 00:10:16,275 --> 00:10:20,609 I just met my ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend, 250 00:10:20,693 --> 00:10:22,693 -and he's amazing. -Oh, no! 251 00:10:22,776 --> 00:10:25,401 -Yeah. -Was that a serious relationship? 252 00:10:25,484 --> 00:10:27,442 Uh, I mean, 253 00:10:27,526 --> 00:10:30,693 it was the first relationship I had after my divorce, 254 00:10:30,776 --> 00:10:32,150 so it's like my-- yeah. 255 00:10:32,234 --> 00:10:34,025 My second relationship ever, so kind of. 256 00:10:34,109 --> 00:10:37,150 -Whoa. How long were you married? -Yeah. 257 00:10:37,234 --> 00:10:39,567 -Seven years. -Who cheated? 258 00:10:42,109 --> 00:10:44,984 She, uh, she did actually. How did you know that? 259 00:10:45,067 --> 00:10:47,526 Well, I'm an actuary. That's a statistic, 260 00:10:47,609 --> 00:10:49,943 and, like, that's my job. You're a statistic. 261 00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:52,734 -No offense. -No, I like being called a statistic. 262 00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:56,693 -What do you mean? -It's just-- Okay, so seven years into a first marriage? 263 00:10:56,776 --> 00:10:58,317 -Yes. -That's infidelity. 264 00:10:58,401 --> 00:11:00,818 Especially if it lines up with the prime reproductive years, 265 00:11:00,901 --> 00:11:04,067 which for women is 25 to 29. 266 00:11:04,150 --> 00:11:05,734 She was... She was 29. 267 00:11:05,818 --> 00:11:07,442 Well, at least she waited till the end. 268 00:11:07,526 --> 00:11:09,275 Dude. Fuck! What? That's nuts! 269 00:11:09,359 --> 00:11:10,776 -Yeah! -That's crazy! 270 00:11:10,859 --> 00:11:12,150 So now my company would give you 271 00:11:12,234 --> 00:11:13,609 a higher life insurance quote, 272 00:11:13,693 --> 00:11:15,818 because divorced men live shorter lives 273 00:11:15,901 --> 00:11:17,526 and so you're higher risk for us. 274 00:11:17,609 --> 00:11:20,693 Oh, great. I have been feeling sluggish. 275 00:11:20,776 --> 00:11:22,317 Don't worry. A guy your age-- 276 00:11:22,401 --> 00:11:23,401 you just remarry, 277 00:11:23,484 --> 00:11:26,609 and then you'll be right back at average. 278 00:11:28,234 --> 00:11:29,484 We have a winner. 279 00:11:31,526 --> 00:11:33,859 Will you come help me? 280 00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:36,275 Uh, yeah. 281 00:11:37,234 --> 00:11:39,067 -In there? -Mmm-hmm. 282 00:11:45,401 --> 00:11:48,109 Okay, turn around please. 283 00:11:48,192 --> 00:11:50,484 It's, like, a quick little top. 284 00:12:00,651 --> 00:12:05,067 -What are we doing? -Well, I am trying on a dress, 285 00:12:05,150 --> 00:12:08,234 and in three seconds, 286 00:12:08,317 --> 00:12:11,818 you're gonna come over and help me zip it. 287 00:12:13,484 --> 00:12:15,984 -Ready? -Yeah. 288 00:12:21,150 --> 00:12:23,150 What do you think? 289 00:12:23,234 --> 00:12:25,275 Yeah, that looks amazing. 290 00:12:25,359 --> 00:12:26,859 Yeah? 291 00:12:34,693 --> 00:12:36,818 It's cute, but I think we can do better. 292 00:12:36,901 --> 00:12:39,025 ♪ ♪ 293 00:12:40,484 --> 00:12:44,109 ♪ There's a weight in my bed ♪ 294 00:12:44,192 --> 00:12:46,943 Not like I could, but I could give you a piggy-back ride. 295 00:12:47,025 --> 00:12:48,567 ♪ Then you said ♪ 296 00:12:48,651 --> 00:12:51,109 ♪ I don't know you ♪ 297 00:12:51,192 --> 00:12:53,109 -That's weird. -What? 298 00:12:53,192 --> 00:12:56,442 I had a dream about a whale last night. 299 00:12:56,526 --> 00:12:58,067 -You're kidding. -No. 300 00:12:58,150 --> 00:13:00,609 You dreamt about a whale and now there's a whale right here? 301 00:13:00,693 --> 00:13:04,025 I mean, it wasn't turquoise. Didn't say, "Sail," but-- 302 00:13:04,109 --> 00:13:05,442 That's serendipitous! 303 00:13:05,526 --> 00:13:07,859 That means you're right where you're supposed to be. 304 00:13:08,484 --> 00:13:09,901 Do you believe that? 305 00:13:10,651 --> 00:13:11,651 Let's go. 306 00:13:11,734 --> 00:13:15,859 -Going in the whale store? -Hell yeah. 307 00:13:22,359 --> 00:13:24,359 -Can I? -Mmm-hmm. 308 00:13:27,943 --> 00:13:30,901 -Should I lock it? -I would. 309 00:13:34,442 --> 00:13:36,943 ♪ ♪ 310 00:13:48,776 --> 00:13:50,275 I don't have a condom. 311 00:13:50,359 --> 00:13:52,651 Oh, okay, I'm okay. Are you okay? 312 00:13:52,734 --> 00:13:56,234 -Yeah, totally, A-plus. -Okay. Okay. 313 00:13:57,693 --> 00:14:00,567 -(thumping) -(voices murmur) 314 00:14:01,984 --> 00:14:03,776 How's it going in there? 315 00:14:03,859 --> 00:14:07,984 Yeah, it fits good. Thank you. 316 00:14:12,025 --> 00:14:16,776 ♪ I'm on the guest list down at Paul's Baby Grand ♪ 317 00:14:16,859 --> 00:14:18,192 We got some hats. 318 00:14:18,275 --> 00:14:21,693 ♪ That hipster doorman, he don't know who I am ♪ 319 00:14:21,776 --> 00:14:24,526 ♪ But my studied aloofness ♪ 320 00:14:24,609 --> 00:14:29,567 ♪ Is proof I belong so I pass♪ 321 00:14:35,234 --> 00:14:39,234 ♪ I'm leaving Los Feliz ♪ 322 00:14:41,275 --> 00:14:43,943 (both moaning) 323 00:14:46,442 --> 00:14:48,484 (panting) 324 00:14:56,275 --> 00:14:58,317 (moaning) 325 00:15:01,317 --> 00:15:05,734 ♪ I'm young enough to know I'm too young to quit ♪ 326 00:15:05,818 --> 00:15:07,317 What are we doing? 327 00:15:08,401 --> 00:15:10,025 Don't use words. 328 00:15:11,651 --> 00:15:16,234 -I'm thinking words, I'm thinking words. -Shh! Don't use words. 329 00:15:16,317 --> 00:15:18,234 I'm thinking words right now, I'm defining it. 330 00:15:18,317 --> 00:15:22,192 Don't use words, just, um, use a color. 331 00:15:22,859 --> 00:15:24,859 That was very green. 332 00:15:24,943 --> 00:15:26,776 -You think it was green? -Yeah. 333 00:15:26,859 --> 00:15:28,776 I think it was yellow. 334 00:15:28,859 --> 00:15:30,859 I would love to... 335 00:15:30,943 --> 00:15:33,818 yellow, anytime. Here. 336 00:15:33,901 --> 00:15:38,401 I will green you whenever. 337 00:15:38,693 --> 00:15:40,859 -Great. -Yeah. 338 00:15:41,818 --> 00:15:43,067 ♪ ♪ 339 00:15:43,150 --> 00:15:46,150 ♪ I'm leaving Los Feliz ♪ 340 00:15:47,567 --> 00:15:50,275 ♪ Day after tomorrow ♪ 341 00:15:50,359 --> 00:15:54,192 ♪ I'm leaving Los Feliz ♪ 342 00:15:59,818 --> 00:16:01,859 ♪ ♪ 343 00:16:12,901 --> 00:16:15,526 -The food is awful. -Awful. Who died? 344 00:16:15,609 --> 00:16:18,109 Anthrax, they killed this lox with Anthrax. 345 00:16:18,192 --> 00:16:21,192 -It's like a shiva call. -Is that egg salad? 346 00:16:21,275 --> 00:16:23,234 Oh hey, man! Pete, you found us. 347 00:16:23,317 --> 00:16:25,317 I didn't know there'd be food. I ate on the way. 348 00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:26,984 Jewish event. There can't not be food. 349 00:16:27,067 --> 00:16:29,818 Jewish comedy has to follow a feeding. Has to. 350 00:16:29,901 --> 00:16:31,567 And that's Modi, he's the other comedian. 351 00:16:31,651 --> 00:16:33,067 -Hi. -Nice to meet you. 352 00:16:33,150 --> 00:16:34,651 Should I be wearing the...? 353 00:16:34,734 --> 00:16:38,359 No. No, they're not paying enough for us to wear yarmulkes. 354 00:16:38,442 --> 00:16:41,734 Hello. I'm Shoshanna Ginsburg, I'm the cochair of the event. 355 00:16:41,818 --> 00:16:43,818 I was the chair last year and the year before that, 356 00:16:43,901 --> 00:16:48,067 but I wasn't even gonna do it this year, but they begged me. 357 00:16:48,150 --> 00:16:50,067 -And you are? -That's Pete. 358 00:16:50,150 --> 00:16:52,025 -He's gonna also do the show. -I'm Pete. Hello. 359 00:16:52,109 --> 00:16:55,067 Oh, well, he told me all about you, Elon did, and, uh, 360 00:16:55,150 --> 00:16:56,901 I'm sure it's gonna work out. 361 00:16:57,567 --> 00:17:00,025 -Is there anything I can get you guys? -A check. 362 00:17:00,109 --> 00:17:01,526 (laughs) 363 00:17:01,609 --> 00:17:02,818 He's serious. 364 00:17:02,901 --> 00:17:05,359 Shoshanna: Oh, you guys crack me up. 365 00:17:05,442 --> 00:17:08,025 Well, I'm gonna leave you alone to your comedy. 366 00:17:08,109 --> 00:17:09,526 -Thank you. -Mazel tov. 367 00:17:09,609 --> 00:17:10,984 -For leaving. -Oy. 368 00:17:11,067 --> 00:17:13,192 It's like getting the life sucked out of you before a show. 369 00:17:13,275 --> 00:17:15,150 -It's the worst. -The worst! Ugh! 370 00:17:15,234 --> 00:17:18,901 -She was cochair, you know. -She's cochair? She should hang herself off a chair. 371 00:17:18,984 --> 00:17:21,567 Elon: Wow, this is just-- even fruit they ruin. 372 00:17:21,651 --> 00:17:24,317 -How do you screw up fruit? -It doesn't even look fresh. 373 00:17:24,401 --> 00:17:27,317 -It's not doing it. -Wow. 374 00:17:28,484 --> 00:17:31,067 Why so nervous? Haven't you ever done comedy before? 375 00:17:31,150 --> 00:17:35,359 I-- I don't know, I just blew my Cellar audition, 376 00:17:35,442 --> 00:17:37,234 so I don't know if I can take another rejection. 377 00:17:37,317 --> 00:17:39,484 Elon: It's gonna be great, trust me. Modi's gonna go up first. 378 00:17:39,567 --> 00:17:40,984 He's so, like, Jew-y, 379 00:17:41,067 --> 00:17:43,567 you'll be a breath of fresh, gentile air. 380 00:17:44,025 --> 00:17:46,401 -Gentile air-- that's the deodorant I use. -Yes. 381 00:17:46,484 --> 00:17:48,943 Modi (laughs): You should use that, that's good. 382 00:17:49,025 --> 00:17:52,567 Be the goy that you are. Don't try to be Jew-y on stage. 383 00:17:52,651 --> 00:17:56,025 -Right, right. Sorry. -(phone chimes) 384 00:18:00,192 --> 00:18:02,109 -Elon: You're eating this? -I'm gonna have fruit. 385 00:18:02,192 --> 00:18:03,734 What's going on over there? 386 00:18:03,818 --> 00:18:05,150 Uh, nothing. 387 00:18:05,234 --> 00:18:07,234 -Modi: "Nothing." -Nobody says, "Nothing." 388 00:18:07,317 --> 00:18:09,109 Whenever you say, "Nothing," it's always something. 389 00:18:09,192 --> 00:18:10,609 Don't make us beg, just tell us. 390 00:18:10,693 --> 00:18:11,943 Modi: Yeah, what do you got there? 391 00:18:12,025 --> 00:18:14,192 It was a... It's a girl. 392 00:18:14,275 --> 00:18:15,442 -Oh! -Mmm! 393 00:18:15,526 --> 00:18:17,859 -Somebody I met today, actually. -Nice, nice! 394 00:18:17,943 --> 00:18:21,442 -Very nice! And? What happened? -Good for you! 395 00:18:21,526 --> 00:18:24,234 I don't want to kiss and tell. It was just, you know... 396 00:18:24,317 --> 00:18:26,609 -You already kissed her? -We had sex. 397 00:18:26,693 --> 00:18:29,317 -Oh! -In a dressing room. 398 00:18:29,401 --> 00:18:30,609 -What? -Wow. 399 00:18:30,693 --> 00:18:32,776 And then again in a bathroom, on a changing table. 400 00:18:32,859 --> 00:18:36,067 -Two times? -In one day. It's a double shtup. 401 00:18:36,150 --> 00:18:37,150 Oh, my God. 402 00:18:37,234 --> 00:18:38,442 Elon: Wait a minute, wait a minute. 403 00:18:38,526 --> 00:18:40,818 You had sex with a girl you met today 404 00:18:40,901 --> 00:18:43,401 -in a dressing room? -Yeah. 405 00:18:43,859 --> 00:18:45,275 I thought you were a religious guy. 406 00:18:45,359 --> 00:18:48,526 I mean, that face is... definitely a little Episcopalian. 407 00:18:48,609 --> 00:18:52,109 I know it seems a little fast, but we... 408 00:18:52,192 --> 00:18:54,359 you know, we really connected. It was... 409 00:18:54,442 --> 00:18:56,818 I don't want to say it was love at first sight, but, you know... 410 00:18:56,901 --> 00:18:59,859 -I'm sure it was. Wow. -...I think this might be my person. 411 00:18:59,943 --> 00:19:01,609 -You want to take this? -You got it. 412 00:19:01,693 --> 00:19:03,984 Elon: I'm not doing anything with this. I can't handle it. 413 00:19:04,067 --> 00:19:05,818 -Go ahead. -All right. Pete... 414 00:19:05,901 --> 00:19:08,651 I'm glad you had this exciting experience, 415 00:19:08,734 --> 00:19:10,484 this thing that happened that you thought 416 00:19:10,567 --> 00:19:11,859 would never happen to you. 417 00:19:11,943 --> 00:19:13,859 It's exciting, you know? 418 00:19:13,943 --> 00:19:16,275 But the sense I get is 419 00:19:16,359 --> 00:19:18,317 maybe you're just a little bit lost. 420 00:19:18,651 --> 00:19:21,484 -I mean... -Elon: You're all over the place. Pick a lane. 421 00:19:21,567 --> 00:19:24,567 In the moment, you know, it made a lot of sense. 422 00:19:24,651 --> 00:19:26,109 'Cause she played with your balls. 423 00:19:26,192 --> 00:19:28,067 -Elon: That's what I'm talking about. -But-- but why? 424 00:19:28,150 --> 00:19:31,984 I don't understand. Why can't I be this guy? 425 00:19:32,067 --> 00:19:35,067 Why can't I do this a little bit? 426 00:19:35,150 --> 00:19:37,192 -Elon: 'Cause you're not-- -Maybe I met this girl for a reason. 427 00:19:37,275 --> 00:19:41,484 Right, or maybe you're here with us for a reason. 428 00:19:41,567 --> 00:19:44,567 There's a Hebrew expression, which-- 429 00:19:44,651 --> 00:19:46,359 Gam Zu L'Tova, 430 00:19:46,442 --> 00:19:48,734 which means, "Even this is for the best." 431 00:19:49,275 --> 00:19:50,859 Elon: Yeah, like, maybe you took this gig 432 00:19:50,943 --> 00:19:52,609 'cause you got nothing else going on, whatever. 433 00:19:52,693 --> 00:19:53,984 I'm sure you didn't expect to be doing 434 00:19:54,067 --> 00:19:56,067 a shul gig tonight, but, uh... 435 00:19:56,984 --> 00:19:58,526 here you are. 436 00:19:58,609 --> 00:20:00,609 Maybe you need to be having this conversation with us. 437 00:20:00,693 --> 00:20:02,359 Maybe it's God reaching out to you. 438 00:20:02,442 --> 00:20:05,734 No pressure, just be open to it. 439 00:20:05,818 --> 00:20:09,609 Rabbi: Okay, if everybody could find a seat, we could get going. 440 00:20:09,693 --> 00:20:12,067 First of all, I want to remind everybody 441 00:20:12,150 --> 00:20:14,442 let's silence your cell phones, 442 00:20:14,526 --> 00:20:18,401 and no flash photography at today's event. 443 00:20:18,484 --> 00:20:23,275 Um, all right, so before we start, uh, today's comedy show, 444 00:20:23,359 --> 00:20:26,067 as many of you are aware, Leon Schwartz passed away 445 00:20:26,150 --> 00:20:28,359 earlier this week from colon cancer. 446 00:20:28,859 --> 00:20:33,526 Uh, his family will be sitting shiva all week at their home. 447 00:20:34,025 --> 00:20:35,943 So who's ready for some comedy? 448 00:20:36,484 --> 00:20:38,359 (applause) 449 00:20:39,818 --> 00:20:43,901 I can think of no better way to celebrate Leon's life, 450 00:20:43,984 --> 00:20:48,192 to honor him, but to celebrate and have a few laughs. 451 00:20:48,275 --> 00:20:51,484 Can we do that? I think we can. 452 00:20:53,234 --> 00:20:56,901 Now-- now Elon and Modi 453 00:20:56,984 --> 00:20:58,359 were here three years ago, 454 00:20:58,442 --> 00:21:00,567 and people are still talking about it. 455 00:21:00,651 --> 00:21:04,067 So it is my pleasure to welcome them back. 456 00:21:04,150 --> 00:21:05,943 Take it away, Modi! 457 00:21:06,025 --> 00:21:07,275 (applause) 458 00:21:07,359 --> 00:21:09,484 (cheers) 459 00:21:12,818 --> 00:21:15,025 Thank you, Rabbi. (clears throat) 460 00:21:15,109 --> 00:21:16,943 Colon cancer! 461 00:21:17,025 --> 00:21:19,401 -That's how you bring me up here. -(laughter) 462 00:21:19,484 --> 00:21:22,734 There goes my colonoscopy joke. Shot to Hell! 463 00:21:23,275 --> 00:21:26,192 And those of you, you know that the laws of burial-- 464 00:21:26,275 --> 00:21:28,776 In the Jewish religion when somebody dies, 465 00:21:28,859 --> 00:21:33,275 we bury them right away. Whoosh! In the ground. 466 00:21:33,359 --> 00:21:35,734 There's no messing around. Bam! 467 00:21:35,818 --> 00:21:38,526 It's not gonna get any better, is it? 468 00:21:38,609 --> 00:21:41,192 In Florida, when the old people take a nap, they wake up, 469 00:21:41,275 --> 00:21:43,609 "No! No! 470 00:21:43,693 --> 00:21:46,275 Put the shovel away! What's wrong with you?" 471 00:21:50,734 --> 00:21:53,192 It's, uh... it's wonderful to be here. 472 00:21:53,275 --> 00:21:55,651 Thanks for having me. Obviously, I'm your guest. 473 00:21:55,734 --> 00:21:58,109 I'm not... I'm not Jewish. 474 00:21:58,734 --> 00:22:01,359 I don't know if you can tell by looking at... everything. 475 00:22:01,442 --> 00:22:04,359 -(laughter) -Just all of this. 476 00:22:04,442 --> 00:22:06,109 I'm six-foot, six. I kind of look like 477 00:22:06,192 --> 00:22:07,859 Goliath if he went to prep school. 478 00:22:07,943 --> 00:22:09,776 Does that make sense? 479 00:22:09,859 --> 00:22:11,484 I see a lot of empty seats. 480 00:22:11,567 --> 00:22:14,651 -Are you all saving a seat for Elijah? Or is that... -(laughter) 481 00:22:14,734 --> 00:22:17,025 -(chuckles) -He's good. 482 00:22:17,109 --> 00:22:19,067 I do know a lot about the Old Testament, 483 00:22:19,150 --> 00:22:20,359 or as you guys call it, 484 00:22:20,442 --> 00:22:23,401 -the whole story. -(laughter) 485 00:22:23,484 --> 00:22:24,859 I think we should get along more. 486 00:22:24,943 --> 00:22:26,275 Jews and Christians should get along. 487 00:22:26,359 --> 00:22:29,275 My book is 70 percent your book. 488 00:22:29,359 --> 00:22:32,317 We agree on most of my book. 489 00:22:32,401 --> 00:22:34,901 We just differ on the ending. 490 00:22:34,984 --> 00:22:36,693 (laughter) 491 00:22:36,776 --> 00:22:39,526 It's like Lord of the Rings. We both agree on Fellowship of the Ring. 492 00:22:39,609 --> 00:22:41,693 We all love the Two Towers. 493 00:22:41,776 --> 00:22:44,234 We just love Return of the King, and you guys are like, 494 00:22:44,317 --> 00:22:46,150 "Wrong king!" 495 00:22:47,693 --> 00:22:49,442 What else? Um... 496 00:22:49,526 --> 00:22:51,734 You guys get a bad rap for being unathletic. 497 00:22:51,818 --> 00:22:53,901 I don't understand that. You've been athletic 498 00:22:53,984 --> 00:22:55,025 for thousands of years. 499 00:22:55,109 --> 00:22:59,150 Moses climbed a mountain to talk to God. 500 00:22:59,234 --> 00:23:01,526 Folks, God is everywhere. 501 00:23:01,609 --> 00:23:05,150 This guy's going on an elective hike 502 00:23:05,234 --> 00:23:08,401 just because he gets a few more bars up in the hills. 503 00:23:08,484 --> 00:23:10,067 That's commitment! 504 00:23:10,150 --> 00:23:11,609 Then God gives him the Ten Commandments. 505 00:23:11,693 --> 00:23:12,526 Does he write it down? 506 00:23:12,609 --> 00:23:14,859 No, he chisels it! 507 00:23:14,943 --> 00:23:17,567 In heavy stone! 508 00:23:17,651 --> 00:23:19,609 He made those commandments nice and smooth, baby. 509 00:23:19,693 --> 00:23:23,567 That's a man's man! That takes grit! 510 00:23:23,651 --> 00:23:27,067 And then he hiked down, holding the weights. 511 00:23:27,150 --> 00:23:30,401 That's weight-training, folks. That's CrossFit. 512 00:23:30,484 --> 00:23:32,401 Then he gets down, is he tired? He's not tired. 513 00:23:32,484 --> 00:23:35,317 He still has enough chutzpah to kick over a golden calf. 514 00:23:35,401 --> 00:23:37,150 That's right, chutzpah! 515 00:23:37,234 --> 00:23:39,859 I googled a lot of this. 516 00:23:39,943 --> 00:23:41,234 I kugel-ed it. 517 00:23:41,317 --> 00:23:43,484 (laughing) 518 00:23:50,150 --> 00:23:51,109 Um... 519 00:23:51,192 --> 00:23:54,442 -Oh my God, she showed up. -Oh, wow. 520 00:23:54,526 --> 00:23:57,109 I hope this shul doesn't have a dressing room. 521 00:23:57,192 --> 00:23:58,901 Well, we definitely have a bathroom. 522 00:23:58,984 --> 00:24:00,442 I was honored to get this gig. 523 00:24:00,526 --> 00:24:01,984 It came through an e-mail. 524 00:24:02,067 --> 00:24:04,275 Actually, an e-mohel. 525 00:24:04,359 --> 00:24:06,401 (laughing) 526 00:24:07,109 --> 00:24:10,192 That's an e-mail, but they cut off the subject. 527 00:24:11,693 --> 00:24:13,776 Some people say it's cruel, but it's tradition. 528 00:24:13,859 --> 00:24:15,150 (laughter) 529 00:24:15,234 --> 00:24:17,192 Thank you guys very much. This was wonderful! 530 00:24:17,275 --> 00:24:19,109 I really appreciate it. 531 00:24:19,192 --> 00:24:20,943 Have a good night! 532 00:24:21,025 --> 00:24:23,609 And keep it going for the very funny Elon Gold! 533 00:24:23,693 --> 00:24:24,984 Everybody, Elon Gold! 534 00:24:25,067 --> 00:24:26,776 (cheers and applause) 535 00:24:26,859 --> 00:24:28,150 Here's what I love about Judaism. 536 00:24:28,234 --> 00:24:29,984 Judaism is the only religion 537 00:24:30,067 --> 00:24:33,025 that doesn't try to recruit new members. Yeah. 538 00:24:33,109 --> 00:24:35,401 Probably 'cause we know we can't get any. 539 00:24:35,901 --> 00:24:38,317 I mean, what's the selling point there, exactly, right? 540 00:24:38,401 --> 00:24:41,317 (whispering): Sorry, can I... squeeze in? 541 00:24:41,401 --> 00:24:44,734 Elon: Tired of that excess flap of skin on your schmeckle? 542 00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:46,984 -Hi. -Hey. 543 00:24:47,067 --> 00:24:49,943 -I know. -I thought you had a bachelorette party. 544 00:24:50,025 --> 00:24:51,526 I just wanted to see you. 545 00:24:51,609 --> 00:24:54,067 I wanted to see you live. 546 00:24:54,150 --> 00:24:55,776 Want to stop eating three of the most 547 00:24:55,859 --> 00:24:57,567 delicious foods on the planet? 548 00:24:58,401 --> 00:25:01,359 Bacon, cheeseburgers, and bacon double-cheeseburgers? 549 00:25:02,025 --> 00:25:04,150 Or perhaps you're ready to give up eating altogether, 550 00:25:04,234 --> 00:25:08,359 and would enjoy partaking in one of our numerous fast days? 551 00:25:08,442 --> 00:25:10,651 Well, then, Judaism's just for you. 552 00:25:13,609 --> 00:25:16,109 No, I'm happy to be here, very happy to be here. 553 00:25:17,442 --> 00:25:19,025 -Woman: Wonderful. -Thank you, guys. 554 00:25:19,109 --> 00:25:20,025 -Good night. -Thank you. 555 00:25:20,109 --> 00:25:22,109 -Thank you. -Thanks, guys. 556 00:25:22,609 --> 00:25:24,192 So where's your lady friend? 557 00:25:24,275 --> 00:25:26,776 She's smoking a cigarette, I think. I don't know. 558 00:25:26,859 --> 00:25:28,984 I can't believe she showed up. 559 00:25:29,067 --> 00:25:31,734 -Yeah, she surprised me. -Mm. 560 00:25:31,818 --> 00:25:32,943 Good night. Nice to meet you. 561 00:25:33,025 --> 00:25:34,401 -There she is! -Uh-oh! 562 00:25:34,484 --> 00:25:37,192 -My boys! Oh, you were wonderful! -Thank you. 563 00:25:37,275 --> 00:25:39,025 -And, Pete. -Oh. 564 00:25:39,109 --> 00:25:42,025 I think you have a real future in the religious markets. 565 00:25:42,109 --> 00:25:43,693 -Really? -And I know people. 566 00:25:43,776 --> 00:25:45,526 So I'm gonna make a call for you. 567 00:25:45,609 --> 00:25:47,818 Oh, my God, that would be amazing. Thank you. 568 00:25:50,025 --> 00:25:51,526 See? Gam Zu L'Tova, 569 00:25:51,609 --> 00:25:53,234 everything happens for a reason. 570 00:25:53,317 --> 00:25:55,067 -Thank you, guys. -Good times! 571 00:25:55,150 --> 00:25:58,025 -Good, good. -You don't even know how much I needed this. 572 00:25:58,109 --> 00:26:01,109 This... this felt really natural. It was great. 573 00:26:01,192 --> 00:26:03,818 Oh, uh, the rabbi. I spoke to him about you. 574 00:26:03,901 --> 00:26:06,234 -The rabbi? -Yeah, yeah. He's a brilliant guy. 575 00:26:06,317 --> 00:26:07,693 Like, you know, not just religion. 576 00:26:07,776 --> 00:26:09,317 He's studied philosophy, psychiatry. 577 00:26:09,401 --> 00:26:11,025 He's like a spiritual genius. 578 00:26:11,109 --> 00:26:13,651 Anyway, I told him about our conversation, and that you were-- 579 00:26:13,734 --> 00:26:15,442 I didn't say, "lost," but I said, I don't know, 580 00:26:15,526 --> 00:26:17,818 -He's "questioning and grappling." -Yeah, yeah. 581 00:26:17,901 --> 00:26:20,609 He said he would love to sit down with you. 582 00:26:20,693 --> 00:26:22,234 When? 583 00:26:22,317 --> 00:26:23,401 Now. 584 00:26:23,484 --> 00:26:24,734 -He wants to talk now? -Yeah. 585 00:26:24,818 --> 00:26:26,567 You should meet with the rabbi. It's a big deal. 586 00:26:26,651 --> 00:26:29,025 It's like getting a table at Il Mulino's. 587 00:26:29,734 --> 00:26:31,693 I think he could give you some clarity. 588 00:26:31,776 --> 00:26:33,567 -Absolutely. -Cool. 589 00:26:34,067 --> 00:26:36,609 -Uh-oh! -Hey, you had a good laugh, Herb? 590 00:26:36,693 --> 00:26:38,693 ♪ ♪ 591 00:26:40,567 --> 00:26:42,693 ♪ ♪ 592 00:26:45,359 --> 00:26:47,317 So, where is Pete? 593 00:26:50,192 --> 00:26:52,693 ♪ ♪ 594 00:26:54,234 --> 00:26:55,609 ♪ Don't look at me ♪ 595 00:26:55,693 --> 00:26:58,359 ♪ It's way too soon to see ♪ 596 00:26:58,442 --> 00:26:59,651 ♪ What's gonna be ♪ 597 00:26:59,734 --> 00:27:02,317 ♪ Don't look at me ♪ 598 00:27:02,401 --> 00:27:04,442 ♪ All my life ♪ 599 00:27:04,526 --> 00:27:05,693 ♪ I never knew ♪ 600 00:27:05,776 --> 00:27:07,734 ♪ What I could be, what I could do ♪ 601 00:27:07,818 --> 00:27:09,818 ♪ Then we were new ♪ 602 00:27:09,901 --> 00:27:15,609 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 603 00:27:16,984 --> 00:27:18,150 ♪ You came along ♪ 604 00:27:18,234 --> 00:27:20,776 ♪ And made my life a song ♪ 605 00:27:20,859 --> 00:27:23,943 ♪ One lucky day, you came along ♪ 606 00:27:24,901 --> 00:27:27,192 ♪ Just in time ♪ 607 00:27:27,275 --> 00:27:29,234 ♪ Well, I was searching for a rock ♪ 608 00:27:29,317 --> 00:27:32,442 ♪ You came along, then we were new ♪ 609 00:27:32,526 --> 00:27:35,484 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 610 00:27:35,567 --> 00:27:37,567 ♪ We can do what we want ♪ 611 00:27:37,651 --> 00:27:40,567 ♪ We can live as we choose ♪ 612 00:27:43,734 --> 00:27:45,651 ♪ You see there's no guarantee ♪ 613 00:27:45,734 --> 00:27:49,025 ♪ We got nothing to lose ♪ 614 00:27:51,901 --> 00:27:53,025 ♪ Don't look at me ♪ 615 00:27:53,109 --> 00:27:55,859 ♪ I can't deny the truth ♪ 616 00:27:55,943 --> 00:27:58,234 ♪ It's plain to see, don't look at me ♪ 617 00:27:59,818 --> 00:28:01,859 ♪ All my life ♪ 618 00:28:01,943 --> 00:28:03,109 ♪ I never knew ♪ 619 00:28:03,192 --> 00:28:05,275 ♪ What I could be, what I could do ♪ 620 00:28:05,359 --> 00:28:07,359 ♪ Then we were new ♪ 621 00:28:07,442 --> 00:28:10,567 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 43741

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