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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:16,515 --> 00:00:18,584 - Can I tell you why Amazon is great? 2 00:00:18,617 --> 00:00:21,421 I love how it takes care of everything. 3 00:00:21,454 --> 00:00:23,122 Free deliveries with Amazon Prime, 4 00:00:23,155 --> 00:00:25,558 groceries with AmazonFresh, instant reorders 5 00:00:25,591 --> 00:00:28,494 with Amazon Dash, while I'm watching TV on my Fire Stick 6 00:00:28,527 --> 00:00:30,296 or reading on my Kindle. 7 00:00:30,329 --> 00:00:33,699 Heck, I even have the old Amazon Fire phone. 8 00:00:33,732 --> 00:00:36,669 But I don't have to tell you how great Amazon is. 9 00:00:36,702 --> 00:00:39,439 You know what I'm talking about. 10 00:00:43,642 --> 00:00:46,312 Thanks, see ya next time Wendy. 11 00:00:52,885 --> 00:00:53,753 Nice. 12 00:01:06,432 --> 00:01:08,234 Hm, Amazon Foresight. 13 00:01:10,703 --> 00:01:13,573 - I love ordering stuff from Amazon. 14 00:01:13,606 --> 00:01:16,109 But I hate waiting for it. 15 00:01:16,142 --> 00:01:17,743 - We have a lot in common, lady voice. 16 00:01:17,776 --> 00:01:19,378 - That's where Foresight comes in. 17 00:01:19,411 --> 00:01:21,581 Foresight analyzes my demographics, 18 00:01:21,614 --> 00:01:23,182 past consumer behaviors, 19 00:01:23,215 --> 00:01:25,551 and a few loosely regulated government databases 20 00:01:25,584 --> 00:01:28,421 to predict what I'll need before I need it. 21 00:01:28,454 --> 00:01:32,258 Amazon Foresight, you don't even have to ask. 22 00:01:48,707 --> 00:01:51,144 - No, no, Mr. Martin's gonna be impressed. 23 00:01:51,177 --> 00:01:52,145 - I really think you'll-- 24 00:01:52,178 --> 00:01:54,580 Oh, whoa, I'm so sorry. 25 00:01:54,613 --> 00:01:56,349 That's awful, you're so wet. 26 00:01:56,382 --> 00:01:57,450 Let me get that. 27 00:01:57,483 --> 00:01:59,285 - Just get new files. 28 00:02:13,332 --> 00:02:14,868 - I like your shirt. 29 00:02:18,904 --> 00:02:20,239 Hey. 30 00:02:27,813 --> 00:02:28,681 - Weird. 31 00:02:32,985 --> 00:02:34,620 - Thanks for coming with me. 32 00:02:34,653 --> 00:02:37,924 I can never get anyone to do this Pakistanian. 33 00:02:37,957 --> 00:02:39,559 Hot sauce? 34 00:02:39,592 --> 00:02:40,793 - Sure. 35 00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:43,329 - Yeah, it's so good, it's called gut lava. 36 00:02:43,362 --> 00:02:46,265 I used to eat hot peppers with my brothers. 37 00:02:46,298 --> 00:02:48,301 - Hey, here's the guy. 38 00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:50,803 He saved my life with a spare tire last week. 39 00:02:50,836 --> 00:02:51,737 - Oh. 40 00:02:51,771 --> 00:02:53,439 - Say a few of the VP's and I are going 41 00:02:53,472 --> 00:02:55,208 golfing this weekend, 42 00:02:55,241 --> 00:02:56,642 you got a set of clubs? 43 00:02:56,675 --> 00:02:57,643 - I'm sure I will. 44 00:02:57,676 --> 00:02:58,744 - All right. 45 00:03:07,353 --> 00:03:08,221 - Score! 46 00:03:11,257 --> 00:03:13,726 Ah, thank you Amazon Foresight. 47 00:03:14,893 --> 00:03:16,462 - What? 48 00:03:16,495 --> 00:03:17,630 - Nothing. 49 00:03:23,569 --> 00:03:24,503 - See you at work. 50 00:03:24,536 --> 00:03:25,405 - Okay. 51 00:03:33,312 --> 00:03:34,914 - This is a big meeting, are you gonna be okay? 52 00:03:34,947 --> 00:03:37,950 - Yeah, yeah just days like today I could really 53 00:03:37,983 --> 00:03:39,619 use a drink. 54 00:03:39,652 --> 00:03:42,822 - What, did I hear somebody needs drink? 55 00:03:42,855 --> 00:03:44,524 Maybe this'll help. 56 00:03:45,958 --> 00:03:46,893 What, what? 57 00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:50,396 - She's ten years sober, asshole. 58 00:03:50,429 --> 00:03:51,530 - Oh I'm, God. 59 00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:53,666 - Her husband just died in a drunk driving accident. 60 00:03:53,699 --> 00:03:56,335 - That's a shitty red. 61 00:03:56,368 --> 00:03:58,571 Sorry, I should have said mine first. 62 00:03:58,604 --> 00:03:59,605 - It's not that bad. 63 00:03:59,638 --> 00:04:01,574 - That is a shitty red. 64 00:04:02,474 --> 00:04:03,476 - Guys, Kim. 65 00:04:04,843 --> 00:04:07,647 - Why don't you sit this one out? 66 00:04:13,052 --> 00:04:15,421 - Foresight. 67 00:04:17,956 --> 00:04:21,027 - Have you been drinking, sir? 68 00:04:21,060 --> 00:04:22,428 - Have you been drinking? 69 00:04:22,461 --> 00:04:23,963 - You lost your license? 70 00:04:23,996 --> 00:04:27,967 - It's fine, it's just, I made a mistake. 71 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:29,735 I'm gonna take the bus. 72 00:04:29,768 --> 00:04:33,506 - Through downtown, is that even safe? 73 00:04:33,539 --> 00:04:34,674 - I don't know. 74 00:04:43,115 --> 00:04:44,050 - Hey, hey! 75 00:04:45,951 --> 00:04:47,787 Yo, your wallet-- 76 00:04:47,820 --> 00:04:48,821 - No! 77 00:04:49,722 --> 00:04:50,723 - Good, Gah! 78 00:04:50,756 --> 00:04:52,358 Dude, your wallet! 79 00:04:53,759 --> 00:04:55,695 - Oh God, I am so sorry. 80 00:04:55,728 --> 00:04:57,530 Let me give you some money. 81 00:04:57,563 --> 00:04:58,498 No, please. 82 00:05:01,433 --> 00:05:02,068 - That fella's rich. 83 00:05:02,101 --> 00:05:02,902 Let's mug him! 84 00:05:02,935 --> 00:05:04,670 Gimme that money, gimme that money! 85 00:05:08,774 --> 00:05:10,710 - You're being sued for assault? 86 00:05:10,743 --> 00:05:11,977 By three people? 87 00:05:12,010 --> 00:05:15,081 - Yes, but only one of 'em has a case. 88 00:05:15,114 --> 00:05:17,483 - What, that's not better, Chris. 89 00:05:17,516 --> 00:05:19,118 You've been acting so erratically lately-- 90 00:05:26,425 --> 00:05:28,794 Chris, hello, are you even listening to me? 91 00:05:28,827 --> 00:05:30,897 I'm telling you to leave! 92 00:05:37,436 --> 00:05:38,438 - Excuse me. 93 00:05:42,408 --> 00:05:44,677 - I don't trust you. 94 00:05:54,620 --> 00:05:57,123 - Good Lord, Daren, what did you have for lunch, 95 00:05:57,156 --> 00:05:58,591 diarrhea? 96 00:05:58,624 --> 00:05:59,492 - No! 97 00:06:00,426 --> 00:06:02,061 - Relax, it's a candle, what's the worst 98 00:06:02,094 --> 00:06:03,596 that could happen? 99 00:06:03,629 --> 00:06:05,464 - Oh my God, fire! 100 00:06:05,497 --> 00:06:06,665 - It was such an improbable series of events. 101 00:06:06,698 --> 00:06:10,102 I mean, first my co-worker, Daren was farting so much-- 102 00:06:10,135 --> 00:06:13,406 - Chris, is this your candle? 103 00:06:13,439 --> 00:06:15,775 You know our policy on candles. 104 00:06:15,808 --> 00:06:17,643 You know what, I would tell you to box up your things 105 00:06:17,676 --> 00:06:18,844 but they're burnt. 106 00:06:18,877 --> 00:06:20,012 Now get out of here! 107 00:06:20,045 --> 00:06:22,048 - But I didn't light it. 108 00:06:22,981 --> 00:06:25,885 Nancy, I'm so, it was, I'm so sorry, 109 00:06:25,918 --> 00:06:27,453 it was Foresight. 110 00:06:27,486 --> 00:06:28,587 It was Foresight. 111 00:06:28,620 --> 00:06:29,956 It was Foresight! 112 00:06:31,490 --> 00:06:33,426 - Chris, did you buy a sex toy? 113 00:06:33,459 --> 00:06:36,462 - No, no, no, no it's not what you think. 114 00:06:36,495 --> 00:06:38,697 I signed up for a service that automatically sends me 115 00:06:38,730 --> 00:06:39,899 what I need. 116 00:06:39,932 --> 00:06:41,767 - You think you need this? 117 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:42,601 - No, no baby. 118 00:06:42,634 --> 00:06:44,503 There was a card, and then a video, 119 00:06:44,536 --> 00:06:46,539 and a girl with a cool hat, 120 00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:48,174 and music by white people, 121 00:06:48,207 --> 00:06:50,042 and everything was going fine for a few weeks, 122 00:06:50,075 --> 00:06:53,546 and then suddenly, it just started ruining my life. 123 00:06:53,579 --> 00:06:54,747 - Chris, you're not making any sense. 124 00:06:54,780 --> 00:06:57,049 - I'll cancel the service right now. 125 00:06:57,082 --> 00:06:58,684 And I'll show you. 126 00:07:01,820 --> 00:07:02,688 No. 127 00:07:05,023 --> 00:07:07,626 No, baby, I swear, it was just there. 128 00:07:07,659 --> 00:07:09,795 - You know what, good bye, Chris. 129 00:07:09,828 --> 00:07:11,564 - It was just there! 130 00:07:25,244 --> 00:07:26,112 Oh God. 131 00:07:27,746 --> 00:07:29,114 It started with the blue shirt. 132 00:07:29,147 --> 00:07:29,981 It was the blue shirt, 133 00:07:30,015 --> 00:07:33,118 and then after that the antacids came. 134 00:07:33,151 --> 00:07:35,988 And then that helped me with the hot sauce. 135 00:07:49,234 --> 00:07:50,102 Ow, no! 136 00:07:51,570 --> 00:07:52,238 What? 137 00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:56,876 Who are you, I didn't. 138 00:07:57,776 --> 00:07:59,612 Wait, should I? 139 00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:01,013 Use it, no. 140 00:08:01,046 --> 00:08:03,549 No, I should just throw this out. 141 00:08:03,582 --> 00:08:05,551 What if that's the ironic twist? 142 00:08:05,584 --> 00:08:08,020 Huh, what if I'm throwin' away my only protection? 143 00:08:08,053 --> 00:08:09,154 Is this my fate? 144 00:08:09,187 --> 00:08:11,057 Ah, what is happening? 145 00:08:11,990 --> 00:08:13,259 Am I being manipulated? 146 00:08:13,292 --> 00:08:15,528 Is this some sort of self-proclaimed 147 00:08:15,561 --> 00:08:17,997 prophesy like Looper? 148 00:08:18,030 --> 00:08:21,501 Like Looper, I didn't understand Looper. 149 00:08:22,868 --> 00:08:24,904 Is that what you wanna hear? 150 00:08:24,937 --> 00:08:27,139 I didn't understand Looper! 151 00:08:28,106 --> 00:08:29,242 - Hi neighbor! 152 00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:35,281 Hi, I'm so glad I caught you. 153 00:08:35,314 --> 00:08:38,951 I think you got my package there. 154 00:08:38,984 --> 00:08:40,052 - Your what? 155 00:08:40,085 --> 00:08:42,321 - My package, in fact, I think a lot of my deliveries 156 00:08:42,354 --> 00:08:43,489 have been coming here. 157 00:08:43,522 --> 00:08:47,326 I accidentally plugged your address into the website. 158 00:08:47,359 --> 00:08:49,762 And by the way, do you mind not telling Amazon 159 00:08:49,795 --> 00:08:54,333 about this, the seller lists that as guns with two n's. 160 00:08:54,366 --> 00:08:55,234 - No, no, no. 161 00:08:55,267 --> 00:08:56,969 - I know, I'm surprised it worked, too. 162 00:08:57,002 --> 00:08:59,138 - No, it's Amazon Foresight. 163 00:08:59,171 --> 00:09:00,306 - Amazon what? 164 00:09:01,807 --> 00:09:03,709 - It's Amazon Foresight. 165 00:09:03,742 --> 00:09:05,244 - Amazon Foresight. 166 00:09:05,277 --> 00:09:08,314 Oh, oh like you mean that April Fool's video they did? 167 00:09:08,347 --> 00:09:10,215 Pretty silly, right? 168 00:09:13,185 --> 00:09:15,921 Although, I think Google's are usually a little funnier. 169 00:09:15,954 --> 00:09:17,856 But nothing's as funny as watching that seal 170 00:09:17,889 --> 00:09:20,159 play the saxophone . 171 00:09:21,660 --> 00:09:23,729 Oh no, did they get ya? 172 00:09:23,762 --> 00:09:27,066 Aw, well ain't that a kick in the pants. 173 00:09:27,099 --> 00:09:29,335 You know, I guess we both learned a little lesson here. 174 00:09:29,368 --> 00:09:31,870 Life'll give you all the ingredients you need 175 00:09:31,903 --> 00:09:34,139 but it's up to you to figure out what's your-- 176 00:09:38,744 --> 00:09:39,378 - Ah! 177 00:09:49,321 --> 00:09:50,656 I needed that. 178 00:09:57,929 --> 00:09:59,097 - Hey guys, these recordings should 179 00:09:59,130 --> 00:10:03,202 cover us for the next few years with April Fool's Days. 180 00:10:03,235 --> 00:10:05,804 If you love free delivery and hate getting blown 181 00:10:05,837 --> 00:10:09,775 up by drones, then you'll love the all new Amazon Extortion. 182 00:10:09,808 --> 00:10:12,277 With Amazon Extortion, our fleet of armed, autonomous 183 00:10:12,310 --> 00:10:15,014 drones won't destroy you and everyone you love for 184 00:10:15,047 --> 00:10:16,382 only $13 a month. 185 00:10:17,716 --> 00:10:21,286 Next one, you rely on Amazon Prime for your packages, 186 00:10:21,319 --> 00:10:24,223 AmazonFresh for your food, but what about when you 187 00:10:24,256 --> 00:10:26,859 desperately need an organ transplant? 188 00:10:26,892 --> 00:10:29,261 Well, now there's Amazon Heart. 189 00:10:29,294 --> 00:10:31,864 The service that's there when you critically need it. 190 00:10:32,864 --> 00:10:33,866 Rick, can I get some water? 191 00:10:33,899 --> 00:10:34,967 Thank you. 192 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:37,069 Love reading your Kindle but wish other people could 193 00:10:37,102 --> 00:10:38,303 see what you're reading? 194 00:10:38,336 --> 00:10:40,305 How else will they know how smart you are? 195 00:10:40,338 --> 00:10:44,343 Well, now there's Amazon Book, it's just a book. 13437

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