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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,600 Later on BBC One, another format we've copied from somewhere else 2 00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:06,440 and remade in a slightly more worthy way... 3 00:00:08,080 --> 00:00:09,560 Your chance to watch other people 4 00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:10,680 reading books. 5 00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:13,120 This programme contains some strong language. 6 00:00:13,120 --> 00:00:14,520 Pamela and Peter 7 00:00:14,520 --> 00:00:17,120 are both reading Sense and Sensibility. 8 00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:18,720 SHE LAUGHS 9 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:20,960 Oop. 10 00:00:22,080 --> 00:00:24,040 And the Coopers have decided to read 11 00:00:24,040 --> 00:00:27,440 50 Shades Of Grey together as a family. 12 00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:30,520 I say, have you got to page 45? 13 00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:32,720 - Oh, yes. - SHE LAUGHS 14 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:35,280 - Takes me back. - THEY LAUGH 15 00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:37,600 God, you're so embarrassing. 16 00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:43,960 When I was small I used to dance in my mother's bedroom 17 00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:46,480 Then I grew up and did it again 18 00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:51,080 And basically I'm still doing the same show I did in my mother's bedroom 19 00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:53,320 And I'll do it to the bitter end 20 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:58,360 Cos it's my Tracey Ullman Show 21 00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:01,520 Tracey Ullman Show Let's do the show, let's go 22 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:05,000 Tracey Ullman Show 23 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:08,280 Tracey Ullman Tracey Ullman 24 00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:11,640 Tracey Tracey Tracey Tracey 25 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:13,960 Tracey Ullman Show. 26 00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:15,480 Let's go. 27 00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:20,000 - How can I help? - Medium white Americano, please. 28 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:21,720 - Extra shot? - No, thank you. 29 00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:23,520 - Syrup? - No, I'm good, thanks. 30 00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:26,160 - Soya milk? - No. I'm actually in a bit of a hurry. 31 00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:28,760 Lady breast milk she left in shop? 32 00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:30,320 No, just a white Americano. 33 00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:31,680 - Mini ring doughnut? - No. 34 00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:33,440 - Cinnamon shortbread? - No. 35 00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:34,520 Giant Malteser? 36 00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:37,400 Looks like a giant Malteser but inside it's really a cake, 37 00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:39,320 but it does have some Malteser in it? 38 00:01:39,320 --> 00:01:40,680 - No. - Sting CD? 39 00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:42,320 - No. - Times newspaper? 40 00:01:42,320 --> 00:01:44,360 - No. - Elvis Costello CD? 41 00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:45,760 - No. - Fresh fish? 42 00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:47,680 What? No! 43 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:49,360 Boiler repair two-year warranty? 44 00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:52,440 - Of course not. - Prize-winning novel about a sad lady? 45 00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:54,800 I just want my coffee. Can I have it now, please? 46 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:57,160 Certainly. One white Americano, 47 00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:59,920 no prize-winning novel about a sad lady, 48 00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:03,120 no boiler repair, no fresh fish, no Elvis Costello CD, 49 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:05,840 no Times newspaper, no Sting CD, 50 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:08,400 no giant Malteser that isn't really a Malteser, 51 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:11,880 no cinnamon shortbread, no mini ring doughnut, no breast milk, 52 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:14,920 no soya milk, no syrup, no extra shot. 53 00:02:14,920 --> 00:02:17,080 Oh, she's gone. 54 00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:19,480 Rude lady. 55 00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:21,440 Charles, it's Camilla. 56 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:23,960 Yah, I won't be long, sexy bum. 57 00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:26,560 I've got to get a frock to wear to the big banquet. 58 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:29,760 You know, the old bloody whats-his-name, 59 00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:31,120 Johnny foreigner chappie, 60 00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:32,520 the one your dad offended. 61 00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:35,920 No, the other one. 62 00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:39,160 No, the other one. 63 00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:40,880 Oh, buggeration! 64 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:43,680 The mare's just had a refusal at the water jump. 65 00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:47,760 Gee up, girl! What's the matter with you? 66 00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:49,520 ALARM BLARES 67 00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:52,440 Stop whinnying, you bally thing! 68 00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:54,240 Look, I've got to go. 69 00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:00,280 Ohh! 70 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:01,880 - You need any help? - No, no, no. 71 00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:04,000 I think it's best just to put it out of its misery. 72 00:03:06,640 --> 00:03:07,680 GUNSHOT 73 00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:11,200 - There. That should do it. - ALARM SLOWS AND STOPS 74 00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:13,480 Which way is Knightsbridge? I think I'll walk. 75 00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:15,440 Well, it's about 30 miles that way, I think. 76 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:17,760 Oh, for fuck... 77 00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:20,240 Oh, they'll sell frocks. 78 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:23,360 Bloody brilliant. 79 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:25,680 Oh, bloody hell! 80 00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:26,800 Hi, can I help you? 81 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:30,440 I'd say. Padded bally jackets for £9.99. 82 00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:33,080 - I'll take one of those. - What size are you? 83 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:34,760 I'm about 16 hands. 84 00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:37,680 I'm rather wide in the withers. 85 00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:40,440 Right. Um... So, one of these? 86 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:42,520 I'll take the whole rack. 87 00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:46,680 And, oh, a box of those animal-print jodhpurs. 88 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:48,000 - Oh, these? - Yeah. 89 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,200 These are actually leggings. 90 00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:54,080 You say organic potato, I say organic potata. 91 00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:57,520 - And is there anything else I can help you with? - I need a ball gown. 92 00:03:57,520 --> 00:03:58,720 Something quite long. 93 00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:00,760 I don't want to show the whole flower show. 94 00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:03,880 Um... We don't really have ballgowns. 95 00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:06,440 Oh! Sold out? I knew I'd left it too late. 96 00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:10,320 Oh! What about one of those sodding sashes that always get stuck between 97 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:12,800 your boobs? I hate these. 98 00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:16,920 Whenever you go to take a wazz, the dangly bit always dips in the lavvy. 99 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:22,200 Oh, well, I shall just these with my wellies. 100 00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:25,240 I mean, what does "Formal" really mean, anyway? 101 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:28,120 How many mother-in-laws is that? 102 00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:30,360 Oh, that'll be £84, please. 103 00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:32,680 So that's four big mother-in-laws... 104 00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:37,200 - LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE - and one little mother-in-law. 105 00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:39,520 Thank you. 106 00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:42,200 Actually, do you have any sexy underwear? 107 00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:43,600 Yeah. We do, yeah. 108 00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:46,720 Hmm, I'm looking for something in tweed. 109 00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:56,000 Right,... 110 00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:05,360 - Susie... - Is it true? 111 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:07,320 - Is what true? - Don't bullshit me, Jeff. 112 00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:10,920 All right, it's true. 113 00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:13,200 For God's sake, I've had the ten o'clock slot 114 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:14,880 since Tony Blair got in. 115 00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:16,360 It's not a demotion. 116 00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:20,120 We just think you'd be more suited to a lower-profile daytime slot. 117 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:22,360 But Nicole isn't even a news person. 118 00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:23,840 She's good at her job. 119 00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:26,200 Yeah, and she's 20 years younger than me. 120 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:29,320 - It's not about age. - Then what is it about? 121 00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:32,160 Well... 122 00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:34,840 You keep bringing your cats in. 123 00:05:34,840 --> 00:05:36,520 - My cats? - Yes. 124 00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:38,240 It was all right when it was just Trixie, 125 00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:40,440 but there are eight or nine of them now. 126 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:42,680 Well, Huw Edwards brings his dog in. 127 00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:45,640 One dog. And he keeps it in his dressing room. 128 00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:47,920 It doesn't stop me doing my job. 129 00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:49,520 Let me show you something. 130 00:05:50,840 --> 00:05:52,840 This is you from last night. 131 00:05:52,840 --> 00:05:55,240 ON SCREEN: Police are still searching for two men 132 00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:57,880 believed to be responsible for Thursday's daring 133 00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:00,760 Bond Street jewellery robbery. 134 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:03,480 SHE MAKES KISSING SOUNDS 135 00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:08,240 Forest fires continued to rage in California, the National Guard... 136 00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:10,880 You're a very handsome boy. 137 00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:14,360 Yes, you are. Oooh. There's a handsome boy. 138 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:17,880 Say hello to the viewers. Off you go, now. 139 00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:19,720 Riots on the streets of Athens. 140 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:21,960 Scores of protesters are injured... 141 00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:24,480 BABY TALK: Yes, they are! 142 00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:27,080 Yes, they are. 143 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:31,840 You see the problem? 144 00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:33,280 Yes. 145 00:06:33,280 --> 00:06:36,320 But when was the last time you saw a mouse around here? 146 00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:39,080 Fair point. 147 00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:43,280 Listen to that rain, Mother. 148 00:06:43,280 --> 00:06:45,960 It's been bucketing down all morning. 149 00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:47,280 What's this one called? 150 00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:50,080 Was it Storm Jo, Storm Jeffrey? 151 00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:51,560 Storm Julian? 152 00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:54,920 People nowadays don't know what a storm is. 153 00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:56,400 That's just a wet wind. 154 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:03,360 Oh, Mother, look... 155 00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:05,240 the house is flooding. 156 00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:07,200 Oh, we've got to get out of here. 157 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:10,160 Hop on, Mother, I'll give you a piggyback to the door. 158 00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:12,800 - Come on. - It's just a bit of water. 159 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:15,240 I want to watch the end of Cash In The Attic. 160 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:16,880 Well, all right, Mother. 161 00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:19,400 Ahhh! 162 00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:24,160 Ooh! That's all your fault. 163 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:27,600 I told you not to change our electricity supplier. 164 00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:36,160 Good evening and welcome to Dame Maggie Smith's YouTube channel. 165 00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:41,040 I'm now a vlogger, like a Zoella or a PewDiePie... 166 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:46,360 only with a proper name that doesn't make you want to vomit into a sock. 167 00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:48,120 I wish to thank my sponsors, 168 00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:52,600 without whose money I most certainly wouldn't be doing this. 169 00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:55,200 So, if you skipped over their adverts, 170 00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:59,160 go back at once and buy yourself a walk-in bath. 171 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:05,440 Today, I will present a "What's In The Bag?" video. 172 00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:08,520 There are many thousands of these on the internet, and for research, 173 00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:11,480 I watched exactly none of them. 174 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:15,080 Why would you want to nose into a bag unless you were a security guard 175 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:17,000 or a horse? 176 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:18,520 Still, times change, 177 00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:21,560 and I must join the hideous freak show 178 00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:24,280 that is the modern age. 179 00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:26,920 Firstly, we find... 180 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:30,120 Julian Fellowes' telephone number. 181 00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:33,040 Well, I shan't be needing that again. 182 00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:37,640 And, oh, this is a stunt poo from The Lady In The Van. 183 00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:41,160 At least I hope it's a stunt poo. 184 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:44,800 Oh, my goodness! 185 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:47,760 I had no idea that was in there. 186 00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:50,720 Oh, and there's a little BAFTA nestling down there. 187 00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:52,000 And, oh, what's this? 188 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:56,720 Oh, my Rear Of The Year award, 1958. 189 00:08:56,720 --> 00:08:59,000 And... Oh... 190 00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:01,400 This is either a Tic Tac 191 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:04,400 or one of Henry Fonda's hallucinogens. 192 00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:09,320 It's a Tic Tac, more's the pity. 193 00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:14,920 Now... Oh, this is something I shall always treasure. 194 00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:18,360 Some advice sent to me by Elizabeth Taylor 195 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:21,120 when I was a young actress. 196 00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:25,520 "Stay away from Richard Burton, you skinny bitch." 197 00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:28,440 Advice I certainly heeded... 198 00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:30,160 most of the time. 199 00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:37,600 Elaine, I've just had an amazing thought, 200 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:39,520 and I'm not being self-obsessed or nothing, 201 00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:42,400 but how about a movie made about my life? 202 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:45,360 Pam Garrity, Northern Powerhouse. 203 00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:48,320 One woman's rise from the arse end of nowhere 204 00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:51,560 - to the cream of the frigging crop. - I can see thingy playing you. 205 00:09:51,560 --> 00:09:53,960 - Who? - Jennifer Lawrence. 206 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,960 What part of America is she from? 207 00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:58,440 - The north, I think. - Love that bitch. 208 00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:02,160 Get on to her people. Tell her to start practising her Scouse accent. 209 00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:05,840 - Is my two o'clock here? - Yeah. - Who is it again? 210 00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:08,160 - Your son, Larry. - Oh, my God! 211 00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:11,600 How could I forget? My Larry. Oh, I love my Larry! 212 00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:14,640 Call me psychic, Elaine, but I knew that lad was gay in the womb. 213 00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:19,160 And do you know what? I was made up for meself cos I love the gays. 214 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:20,920 I was weaned on queenery. 215 00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:23,720 I spent half me life dancing backwards in gay clubs 216 00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:26,000 to Frankie Goes To Hollywood. Yeah. 217 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,080 Cut me and I bleed Relax. 218 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:30,920 Show him in. 219 00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:32,800 Larry, your mum. 220 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:35,280 - Hiya, Mam. - Oh, look at him! 221 00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:37,520 Isn't he gorgeous? He's gorgeous, isn't he, Elaine? 222 00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:39,440 And you can't shag him cos he's a gay. 223 00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:41,360 Give me a hug, you massive bender. 224 00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:44,600 Listen, Mam. I've got some news. 225 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:45,720 I've met someone. 226 00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:48,400 And he's asked me to marry him and I want you to meet him. 227 00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:51,920 Ooh. 228 00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:54,760 My first gay wedding! 229 00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:56,320 Oh! What's his name? 230 00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:59,120 - Tom. - Oh, that's a great northern name, isn't it? 231 00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:01,120 I'm going to go and get him. Tom! 232 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:02,640 Oh, Elaine! Elaine! 233 00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:04,480 Book me Castle Howard for a month. 234 00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:06,800 This lad's going to get spliced in style. 235 00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:09,640 We'll get the set of Coronation Street and get Oasis back together, 236 00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:11,240 cos they can play at the reception. 237 00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:12,800 We could get Mel B to sing. 238 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:15,120 No, forget that. Mel B gets on me tits. 239 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:18,720 - Here he is, Mam. - Oh, come here. 240 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:21,680 We're just planning your wedding, lad. 241 00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:23,280 Elaine, we can do food stations. 242 00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:26,480 We'll have organic mushy peas and a hotpot fountain. 243 00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:28,760 Say hello to your mother-in-law. 244 00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:30,560 Oh, my God! He's gorgeous! 245 00:11:30,560 --> 00:11:34,200 You all right, Mrs G? It's a pleasure to meet you. 246 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:35,640 Say that again, slower. 247 00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:38,400 You all right, Mrs G? It's a pleasure to meet you. 248 00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:43,520 Get out of my office, 249 00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:46,280 you soft southern shite! 250 00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:56,800 And you... 251 00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:58,600 You dirty git! 252 00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:00,840 You disgust me! 253 00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:04,160 - But I love him, Mam. - Are you intent on bringing shame to this family? 254 00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:05,480 To the name Garrity? 255 00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:08,920 You might as well have taken a dagger and shoved it in my heart, lad! 256 00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:13,520 - Mam... - If you marry that c-c-c-ockney knobhead, 257 00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:15,280 you can consider yourself cut from my will. 258 00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:17,760 Now, get out! I can't bear to look at you! 259 00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:23,600 Elaine, 260 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:26,400 get me Saturday Night Sunday Morning on YouTube. 261 00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:28,040 Consider it dialysis. 262 00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:33,760 - Where's your mother now? - She's up in the attic. 263 00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:36,080 I'm not going! 264 00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:38,200 She says it's a load a fuss about nothing. 265 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:41,480 You see, there's a mark on our wall from the 1954 flood, 266 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:44,720 and it's not up there yet, so she says were staying put. 267 00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:49,720 Just out of interest, if you were to save us, how would you do it? 268 00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:53,120 I'd lift you through this window and into my boat. 269 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:55,280 Through this window? You'd lift me?! 270 00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:56,760 Yes. 271 00:12:56,760 --> 00:13:00,200 I think you'd find that tricky. I'm very pear shaped. 272 00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:02,040 Mother calls me a Heffalump. 273 00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:05,200 She says I've got a very wide pubic bone. 274 00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:07,520 We're taking everyone down to the community centre, 275 00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:09,200 there's blankets down there, and tea. 276 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:11,000 Oh, that sounds lovely. 277 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:12,440 Will there be sandwiches? 278 00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:15,280 - Yes, I think so. - And maybe a singsong? 279 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:16,920 I'm sure you could start one. 280 00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:18,400 SHE LAUGHS 281 00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:20,480 Oh, well, in that case... 282 00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:22,840 Tell the man to go away. 283 00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:24,680 Oh... 284 00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:26,800 - I'm sorry, eh... - Dan. 285 00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:28,360 Oh, I'm sorry, Dan. 286 00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:31,240 Look, we'll keep an eye on the situation. 287 00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:33,600 If the water levels get too high, we'll be back. 288 00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:36,360 Right. Right. Yes. Save me some sandwiches. 289 00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:37,680 All right. 290 00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:41,080 Oh, be careful of Mother's runner beans. 291 00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:48,480 - 'Sup, Hassan? - Yo. 292 00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:50,160 They're back. 293 00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:53,000 HE RAPS: You were warned And here they are 294 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,400 It's the arrival of the dread death star 295 00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:57,960 It's doom for us No room for doubt 296 00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:00,280 Posh people moving in And moving us out 297 00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:03,640 HIPHOP BACKING TRACK 298 00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:05,960 Hello, guys, I'm Kate and I work in planning 299 00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:09,040 I'll get straight to the point - we've got a really good plan in 300 00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:11,240 We're so excited about this community 301 00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:13,760 We want to preserve its dynamic diversity 302 00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:15,920 We want to communicate and integrate 303 00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:18,600 Integrate? You mean segregate, Kate 304 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:20,760 Whoa, man You don't like our plan? 305 00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:23,400 Damn your plan and I ain't your man 306 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:25,400 Would you like to rap challenge me? 307 00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:28,000 I listened to Grandmaster Flash at university 308 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:30,680 Hush now, honey Go play with your money 309 00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:34,160 Dr Dre and Eminem, I'm down, I'm hip with all of them. 310 00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:35,280 - BOTH: - Oooh! 311 00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:38,560 So, listen up, fool name a subject for this rap duel 312 00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:40,920 The ten signs of gentrification 313 00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:41,960 Drop the beat 314 00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:44,840 HIP-HOP BEAT AND SCRATCHING 315 00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:47,120 Number one 316 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:49,240 Coffee shops on every corner, damn it, man, it sucks 317 00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:51,280 Costa, Nero, costs so dear full of star schmucks 318 00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:53,560 - Two. - Everybody moans "More homes for the city," 319 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:56,000 Be glad, not sad we're making them pretty 320 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:57,320 We're going to build them good, 321 00:14:57,320 --> 00:14:58,520 We're going to build them tall 322 00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:00,200 - Three. - That's right three will be affordable 323 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,600 - Four. - My brother lost his chicken shop, they took away his lease 324 00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:05,200 Great! Fewer children who are morbidly obese 325 00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:07,480 Drowning in grease like your niece 326 00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:09,880 Processed meat-eaters meet type II diabetes 327 00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:11,960 Pop-up food stalls with a posh name 328 00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:14,440 Overpriced burgers which all taste the same 329 00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:16,240 Food will be good in the neighbourhood 330 00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:17,800 Foodies instead of hoodies 331 00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:21,200 Sourdough pizza meets a craft beer, gastropubs, bistros 332 00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:22,400 Round the corner, Waitrose 333 00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:23,720 Stop, wait a minute 334 00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:26,360 It gets worse for the nurses with all the stresses 335 00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:28,520 Working in the messes of the NHSes 336 00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:30,760 They're moving us out and we won't we won't be back 337 00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:33,000 Good luck when you get that heart attack 338 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:36,080 - Number five. - The people who clean-up and mop up your shit 339 00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:38,080 Have to move out cos they can't afford it 340 00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:40,680 - Six. - No more scary dogs chewing up babies faces 341 00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:42,520 Labradoodle poodles doing doo-doo in nice places 342 00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:44,760 - Seven. - Yummy mummies working on their mummy tummies 343 00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:46,800 Spinning and grinning and getting thin in Pilates 344 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:49,520 - Eight. - Shops too expensive to hop and shop and drop in 345 00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:51,960 - Nine. - Great new bars to pop and flop and bop in 346 00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:54,360 - Great for the rich - Great for the tourist 347 00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:57,240 Man, it's a bitch if you happen to be the poorest 348 00:15:57,240 --> 00:15:58,840 - Number ten. - Number ten? 349 00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:00,120 The tube 350 00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:01,320 - SINGS: - The tube 351 00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:03,960 There could be a freaking tube! 352 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,200 Just do 353 00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:07,480 Just think 354 00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:10,200 Crossrail, Citylink 355 00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,840 Give me my chance to be in the right spot 356 00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:15,920 A tube'll make the neighbourhood hot, hot, hot! 357 00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:17,240 A tube would be cool. 358 00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:18,400 Nonzo! 359 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:19,840 THEY SING: Gentrifying 360 00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:22,080 Can't pay the rent you're cryin' 361 00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:24,120 Gotta move to Brent you're sighin' 362 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:27,400 And what about my Brenda also meant to die? 363 00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:29,680 Wake up, wise up see where this leads 364 00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:32,520 The needy man bleeds while the greedy man feeds 365 00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:34,560 And moves everyone to Leeds 366 00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:41,600 I'm glad we got to integrate and communicate, cos next week 367 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:43,400 We're going to detonate 368 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,720 Be sure to get out and get a good view 369 00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:48,120 This place is blowing up with or without you. 370 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:05,360 I've had a lucky life, but there's something I really regret. 371 00:17:05,360 --> 00:17:07,480 Oh, Mum, there's nothing to regret. 372 00:17:09,120 --> 00:17:11,880 I really wish I'd taken more pictures of my lunch 373 00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:13,120 and put them online. 374 00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:17,560 Chicken and chips, take a picture, put it online. 375 00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:20,920 Tuna salad, take a picture, put it online. 376 00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:22,720 Packet of crisps and an apple, 377 00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:24,880 take a picture, put it online. 378 00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:28,200 I...I always thought there'd be another day to show people 379 00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:31,240 what I was about to eat. 380 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:32,800 Oh, Mum. 381 00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:34,320 Don't let it be too late for you. 382 00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:37,080 Get my purse. Look... 383 00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:38,520 Go down to the canteen, 384 00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:41,680 get yourself a piece of quiche and stick it on Tumblr, 385 00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:44,800 because tomorrow might never come. 386 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:48,080 It won't be long now. 387 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:57,280 'Gram it, Sal. 388 00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:05,520 Is that one of mine? 389 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:07,760 What, this? 390 00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:10,880 No, no, no. The book. Is that one of mine? 391 00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:11,920 Who are you? 392 00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:13,320 Germaine Greer. 393 00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:16,400 Feminist icon and former lover of Frederico Fellini. 394 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:18,040 I practically invented sex. 395 00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:20,840 Why are you looking at me like that? 396 00:18:20,840 --> 00:18:23,480 Have you never seen nipples on a woman's hips before? 397 00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:26,120 You should be thanking me, you know. 398 00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:28,320 I was a clitoral pioneer. 399 00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:31,480 Nobody was talking about them in Melbourne before I came along. 400 00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:33,160 Ditto vaginas. 401 00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:34,880 That's right, sir. 402 00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:37,040 I said vaginas. 403 00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:40,680 It's Latin, meaning scabbard or sheath. 404 00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:42,040 Did you know that? 405 00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:43,440 Sorry, can you not invade my space? 406 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:47,200 Oh, when did students get so intolerant?! 407 00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:49,320 In my world, you can say anything you want. 408 00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:52,360 I told the Australian PM she had a fat arse once, 409 00:18:52,360 --> 00:18:54,160 and nobody batted an eyelid. 410 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:57,400 Well, they did, but I meant it n a nice way. 411 00:18:57,400 --> 00:19:00,480 - Yeah, I actually find that really offensive. - Good. Good! 412 00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:01,720 Get angry! 413 00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:05,640 Somebody needs to, now that I've been silenced by the media. 414 00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:08,320 They called me a radical when I was young, 415 00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:11,080 but you're not allowed to be controversial 416 00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:13,120 once your areolas head south. 417 00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:16,920 I'm intellectually homeless. 418 00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:20,320 Can't even get a seat on BBC Four. 419 00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:21,800 And all because I'm old. 420 00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:24,320 There's no other possible explanation. 421 00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:30,200 Minister, I'm going to have to ask the question again, 422 00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:33,400 and I'm going to keep on asking it until I get an answer. 423 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:37,960 Have you ever held shares in an offshore company? 424 00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:40,400 - CAT MEOWS - Yes, all right, I did. I did. 425 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:42,640 I did. Can you get off me, please? 426 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:43,800 I'm actually allergic. 427 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:47,200 Kay? 428 00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:49,920 Kay? 429 00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:53,320 Kay?! 430 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:55,120 I'm coming, mother! 431 00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:58,960 Oh! I found some groceries floating around down there. 432 00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:02,680 I managed to rescue the Branston and some golden breadcrumbs. 433 00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:04,160 Did you get my biscuits? 434 00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:05,680 Yes, I got your biscuits. 435 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:09,640 There's quite a riptide down there by the washing machine. 436 00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:13,200 People do seem to be leaving, Mother. 437 00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:15,880 They're all getting in canoes and paddling away. 438 00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:17,000 Babies. 439 00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:18,880 A lot of fuss about nothing. 440 00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:20,480 It's just a bit of damp. 441 00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:23,960 You brought the wrong biscuits. 442 00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:25,920 I want the Garibaldis. 443 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:27,080 But they're in the pantry. 444 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:29,440 It's like the Poseidon Adventure down there, Mum. 445 00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:32,720 I'll have to free-dive for them. 446 00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:34,680 I want the Garibaldis. 447 00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:39,280 Let me take something to help me breathe. 448 00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:52,480 Let me know if you need any help. 449 00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:54,680 I'm just after a card for our Shirley. 450 00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:56,120 Oh, lovely. 451 00:20:56,120 --> 00:20:58,360 Well, they're all in sections. 452 00:20:58,360 --> 00:21:03,120 There's cheeky over there, then you get crude, and there's adult, 453 00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:07,400 and then there's obscene and here's downright offensive. 454 00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:09,120 I'm actually just after a birthday card. 455 00:21:09,120 --> 00:21:11,320 Oh, they're all birthday cards. 456 00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:12,560 So, what's she like? 457 00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:15,560 Does she drink too much Prosecco? 458 00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:18,200 Does she eat too much cake? 459 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:20,760 Does she like getting bummed? 460 00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:24,800 - I'm not sure she really does, really. - Oh. 461 00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:26,120 Well, a lot of people seem to, 462 00:21:26,120 --> 00:21:28,720 cos they make an awful lot of cards about that. 463 00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:32,160 Do you not have any cards that just have pictures of animals or birds? 464 00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:33,880 Yes, yes, we do. 465 00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:36,840 Er, there's this one here. 466 00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:39,360 Oh, lovely! 467 00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:41,120 "I got you a hairy pussy." 468 00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:43,320 And this one. 469 00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:44,360 "You're a tit"? 470 00:21:44,360 --> 00:21:45,760 Er... 471 00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:47,680 It does say "You're a tit", yeah. 472 00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:52,440 She's not your sister, is she? Cos these are very popular. 473 00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:55,840 "You may be my sister, but you're still a bitch." 474 00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:57,040 No, she's just a neighbour. 475 00:21:57,040 --> 00:21:58,640 Oh, that's a shame, isn't it? 476 00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:01,840 Oh! Is that a "Keep Calm And Carry On" range? 477 00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:04,280 That's a World War II slogan, isn't it? 478 00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:06,520 Maybe this'd be more appropriate. 479 00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:08,640 "Keep calm and carry on drinking." 480 00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:10,640 "Keep calm and carry on shagging." 481 00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:12,640 "Keep calm and..." Oh. 482 00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:14,720 Do you not have any cards at all that aren't rude? 483 00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:17,000 No, they're mostly the funny ones. 484 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:19,800 But we do have this range. 485 00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:23,000 They're made by a woman in the village and they're on brown card, 486 00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:24,720 so you know they're classy. 487 00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:26,800 And she's stuck pieces of paper on them 488 00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:29,160 to make flowers and butterflies. 489 00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:30,800 Oh, that's pretty. 490 00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:32,560 How much is that? 491 00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:33,720 £7.50. 492 00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:37,960 Maybe Shirley does like being bummed. 493 00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:45,080 AMOROUS NOISES 494 00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:46,400 Oh! 495 00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:47,560 Ooh, that is good! 496 00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:50,880 Oh! 497 00:22:52,360 --> 00:22:53,400 Right, bedtime. 498 00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:56,840 What, what? No, no. 499 00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:58,240 Oh, no. 500 00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:01,840 Oh, your father was just looking for his keys. 501 00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:03,480 Oh, you can't go! 502 00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:06,240 Movie night's for all my new family. 503 00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:10,240 Mick refused to buy a colour TV, so this is such a treat for me, y'all. 504 00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:12,680 Sit down or you're out of the will. 505 00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:17,920 Right, so, what shall we watch? 506 00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:19,600 Let's watch Tim Burton's Batman. 507 00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:21,400 I did my acting in that film. 508 00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:24,360 We're watching Crocodile Dundee. 509 00:23:24,360 --> 00:23:25,720 We watched that last week! 510 00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:27,880 So? You got a problem with that? 511 00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:29,560 - No, no, no. - I love Crocodile Dundee. 512 00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:32,440 Yes, let's watch Crocodile Dundee. It's my favourite film. 513 00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:34,600 Paul Hogan is the greatest actor in the world. 514 00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:36,320 OK. Well, fire up the Blu-ray. 515 00:23:38,360 --> 00:23:40,080 Jerry, er... 516 00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:41,640 do you want some popcorn? 517 00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:43,400 Oh, no. Not for me, sweetie. 518 00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:47,480 Go on, Jerry. 519 00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:49,200 - Have some popcorn. - No, I'm fine. 520 00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:51,120 I'm watching my figure. 521 00:23:51,120 --> 00:23:52,400 I'll watch it for you! 522 00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:53,560 Ha, boom-boom! 523 00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:57,920 Jerry, I really think you should try the popcorn. 524 00:23:57,920 --> 00:23:59,240 I really don't want any. 525 00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:00,400 I'll try the popcorn. 526 00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:02,480 No, no! 527 00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:04,000 Agh! Oh, God! 528 00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:07,600 - You're not supposed to try the popcorn! - Oh, Dad! - That's gross! 529 00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:09,720 Rupert, what is wrong with you? 530 00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:13,080 Can't a man hide his pecker in his own popcorn once in a while 531 00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:14,720 without getting grief about it? 532 00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:16,160 I'm never eating popcorn again! 533 00:24:22,520 --> 00:24:26,120 Can you imagine them all in that community centre now, Mum? 534 00:24:26,120 --> 00:24:29,440 With the sandwiches and the singing? 535 00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:32,040 We could have wowed them with our new thermos. 536 00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:33,240 I'm cold. 537 00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:37,880 I think we've got a roll of old lagging up here somewhere. 538 00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:40,480 We could wrap ourselves in that. 539 00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:42,520 Look at all this junk. 540 00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:44,960 We might find some cash in our attic, Mother. 541 00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:47,280 Oh, dear. 542 00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:48,360 What's all this? 543 00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:51,800 It's a postcard. 544 00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:52,840 To me. 545 00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:56,440 "Could I have the honour of accompanying you to the cinema 546 00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:58,960 "this Saturday to see Doctor Zhivago?" 547 00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:04,360 Oh, it's from a man, inviting me to the pictures. 548 00:25:04,360 --> 00:25:06,600 Oh, this is 1965. 549 00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:08,880 I suppose I've missed that now. 550 00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:10,720 I don't know how that got there. 551 00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:13,960 What else is up here, mother? 552 00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:15,080 Nothing. 553 00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:17,120 KNOCKING 554 00:25:17,120 --> 00:25:19,440 I'm afraid we're going to have to evacuate you, ladies. 555 00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:21,160 Oh, it's Dan. That's Dan. 556 00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:23,360 Hello, Dan. How did you get up there? 557 00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:28,080 He's like Spider-Man, Mum, shimmying up the side of buildings. 558 00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:31,280 Tell him to keep his sticky substances to himself. 559 00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:34,200 Right, you're not safe, OK? 560 00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:35,720 We're going to have to get you out. 561 00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:37,400 Here we go. 562 00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:38,840 Here you go, Mum. 563 00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:41,920 You'll need a sturdier ladder than that for her. 564 00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:45,000 Will you be staying the night in the community centre as well, Dan? 565 00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:48,080 Because I expect we should all have to huddle close for warmth. 566 00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:51,320 I must warn you, I've got very cold feet. 567 00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:54,480 Mother says it's like sleeping next to an iceberg. 568 00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:56,160 Oh! Ooh, Dan! 569 00:25:57,440 --> 00:25:59,200 "Darling, Kay, will you marry me?" 570 00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:01,400 "Dear, Kay Clark, I'm pleased to offer you a place..." 571 00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:04,360 "...very pleased to offer you the position of customer service advisor... 572 00:26:04,360 --> 00:26:06,560 "We're all going to France and we'd love you to come..." 573 00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:08,680 "Dear, Kay, why haven't you replied to my letters?" 574 00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:24,000 It's an honour to present the award for Best British Newcomer, 575 00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:28,800 but before I do, I just want to say that our industry must be open 576 00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:32,000 to all voices and backgrounds, not just the elite. 577 00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:34,600 How are we going to hear working-class stories 578 00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:37,160 if there are no working-class actors? 579 00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:41,560 Thank you. Thank you. 580 00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:45,440 And the nominees for Best British Newcomer are... 581 00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:47,280 Henry Osmond Wells 582 00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:48,720 for Gay Cambridge Spies. 583 00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:54,120 Lucia Wentworth 584 00:26:54,120 --> 00:26:56,440 for Thin Woman In A Floaty Dress. 585 00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:01,120 Hugo Wilkes, ninth Earl of Buckinghamshire, 586 00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:03,760 for Help, I'm A Disabled Oxford Boffin. 587 00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:10,440 And finally, Terry Marsh 588 00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:12,160 for Council Estate Jack-Up. 589 00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:17,320 And the winner is... 590 00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:23,960 Terry Marsh, Council Estate Jack-Up! 591 00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:28,800 Yay! Yay! 592 00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:32,400 Oh! 593 00:27:34,120 --> 00:27:35,320 Well done, Tel! 594 00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:36,480 Job well done, mate! 595 00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:38,800 Thanks. 596 00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:41,320 I'm gobsmacked. I mean, I just... 597 00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:43,080 Hang on... 598 00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:44,480 This ain't my name. 599 00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:46,360 Just take the award, Terry, take the award. 600 00:27:46,360 --> 00:27:50,000 This says Hugo Wilkes, ninth Earl of Buckingham. 601 00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:51,960 Oh, you cocked it up, mate! 602 00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:56,080 Roz, it don't matter who the actor is or where he's from. 603 00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:58,880 Look, what matters is the quality of the work. 604 00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:00,640 Hugo, get up here. 605 00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:03,760 Woohoo! 606 00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:04,840 That's yours, mate. 607 00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:06,360 Woo! OMG! 608 00:28:06,360 --> 00:28:10,560 Never thought I'd win this tonight, but, erm, just because an actor 609 00:28:10,560 --> 00:28:13,480 comes from what some people might call a privileged background, 610 00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:17,680 doesn't mean that he hasn't had to fight for every inch of his career. 611 00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:21,440 It isn't easy trying to act when the bank is calling 612 00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:24,600 you every day, asking you to run its futures division. 613 00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:26,880 Or choosing whether to rehearse or 614 00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:30,160 go on a skiing holiday with some really great guys. 615 00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:33,080 So this is for all those who believe in art 616 00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:35,800 and for everyone who wants to bring back fox hunting. 617 00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:37,160 Yeah, fox hunting! 618 00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:45,440 Right, leg it, Tel! Leg it! 619 00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:49,880 Yeah, up the fucking workers! 620 00:28:49,930 --> 00:28:54,480 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 46026

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