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1
00:00:04,947 --> 00:00:06,516
SID:
Ooh-wee.
2
00:00:06,549 --> 00:00:08,918
Five more minutes
till the big grand prize raffle.
3
00:00:08,951 --> 00:00:10,620
You got your ticket, Hank?
4
00:00:10,653 --> 00:00:13,189
You know it.
I need that TV, baby.
5
00:00:13,223 --> 00:00:15,191
All I got is this
grainy-ass Zenith
6
00:00:15,225 --> 00:00:20,029
with a VHS copy
of 13 Going on 3 stuck inside.
7
00:00:20,062 --> 00:00:22,598
Now, that's a hell of a movie,
but that is a bummer, man.
8
00:00:22,632 --> 00:00:25,635
-(computer chimes)
-Uhp, got an e-mail.
9
00:00:25,668 --> 00:00:28,138
-From my son.
-Oh!
10
00:00:28,171 --> 00:00:29,905
Hope it's good news.
11
00:00:29,939 --> 00:00:33,476
The boy says, "Hey, Pop."
12
00:00:34,744 --> 00:00:36,946
(laughs)
13
00:00:36,979 --> 00:00:39,882
That's a really
good start, Hank.
14
00:00:39,915 --> 00:00:42,985
"Just reaching out
to let you know
15
00:00:43,018 --> 00:00:46,856
"that Mom is getting
remarried...
16
00:00:48,090 --> 00:00:50,660
-...to Reggie."
-Oh, Hank.
17
00:00:50,693 --> 00:00:54,830
I am so sorry. Who's Reggie?
18
00:00:54,864 --> 00:00:57,267
Well, remember when Hank's
ex-wife Lorraine cheated on him
19
00:00:57,300 --> 00:00:59,068
with that great big
football player
20
00:00:59,101 --> 00:01:00,470
who lived in his building?
21
00:01:00,503 --> 00:01:01,671
(whispers):
That's Reggie.
22
00:01:01,704 --> 00:01:03,273
(laughs):
That's right.
23
00:01:03,306 --> 00:01:05,608
And-and Hank said he could
hear the sound of them
24
00:01:05,641 --> 00:01:07,243
making love upstairs.
25
00:01:07,277 --> 00:01:08,644
Uh, what was it,
it was something like...
26
00:01:08,678 --> 00:01:10,613
(squeaking)
27
00:01:10,646 --> 00:01:13,649
No, no, no.
(high-pitched squeaking)
28
00:01:18,053 --> 00:01:20,055
*
29
00:01:40,075 --> 00:01:42,044
Hank, are you sure you're okay?
30
00:01:42,077 --> 00:01:45,215
Your ex-wife getting remarried
is a really big deal,
31
00:01:45,248 --> 00:01:49,352
and your calmness
is kind of freaking us out.
32
00:01:49,385 --> 00:01:52,488
No, I'm fine. In fact,
I was just about to write
33
00:01:52,522 --> 00:01:55,891
a reply e-mail to my son,
telling him how fine I feel.
34
00:01:55,925 --> 00:01:57,126
(clears throat)
35
00:01:57,159 --> 00:01:59,962
"Dear son, I'm fine."
36
00:01:59,995 --> 00:02:02,031
-Send. See?
-(computer whooshes)
37
00:02:02,064 --> 00:02:05,401
You know, Hank,
you don't have to pretend.
38
00:02:05,435 --> 00:02:07,637
I mean, I've been there.
When my cheating ex-husband
39
00:02:07,670 --> 00:02:10,172
got remarried, boy, it sucked,
40
00:02:10,206 --> 00:02:13,643
and I held onto the anger about
it for a long time. Too long.
41
00:02:13,676 --> 00:02:16,879
Nah, I feel good. I mean,
really, really, really, really,
42
00:02:16,912 --> 00:02:18,914
really, really, really, really,
really, really good.
43
00:02:18,948 --> 00:02:22,585
She's moved on and so have I.
That book is closed.
44
00:02:22,618 --> 00:02:24,720
Are you sure?
Because your brain looks like
45
00:02:24,754 --> 00:02:27,089
it's throbbing
through your scalp.
46
00:02:27,122 --> 00:02:30,159
Well, that's because I'm excited
about the raffle.
47
00:02:30,192 --> 00:02:33,162
You know, uh, the brain works
overtime during raffles.
48
00:02:33,195 --> 00:02:35,931
Four out of five
raffle scientists agree.
49
00:02:35,965 --> 00:02:40,436
You can't argue with four out
of five raffle scientists.
50
00:02:40,470 --> 00:02:43,072
Good morning, everyone.
51
00:02:43,105 --> 00:02:46,041
I need to get made up for my
stupid sister's stupid wedding,
52
00:02:46,075 --> 00:02:49,044
so let's get through
this quick, capisce?
53
00:02:49,078 --> 00:02:51,914
Boy, she knows how to make
an event fun, doesn't she?
54
00:02:51,947 --> 00:02:53,716
All right, give me that TV.
55
00:02:53,749 --> 00:02:55,785
(laughs)
Come on down to Hankytown.
56
00:02:55,818 --> 00:02:57,853
Today's my lucky day!
57
00:02:57,887 --> 00:03:00,189
Oh, God, I hope he wins this TV.
58
00:03:00,222 --> 00:03:02,358
Well, what about us?
I could use a little high-def
59
00:03:02,392 --> 00:03:04,226
Bradley Cooper in my life.
60
00:03:04,260 --> 00:03:06,095
No, no, no.
I have been in his shoes.
61
00:03:06,128 --> 00:03:08,197
He needs this
a lot more than we do.
62
00:03:08,230 --> 00:03:10,433
He seems to be taking it
just fine to me.
63
00:03:10,466 --> 00:03:13,303
Please, please, please, please,
please, please, please.
64
00:03:13,336 --> 00:03:15,104
And the winner
65
00:03:15,137 --> 00:03:18,408
of this beautiful 65-inch TV set
66
00:03:18,441 --> 00:03:22,578
is number 4-3...
67
00:03:22,612 --> 00:03:24,980
-5...
-623.
68
00:03:25,014 --> 00:03:26,949
-6...
-Come on, come on! Say it, Allison!
69
00:03:26,982 --> 00:03:27,983
-623.
-2...
70
00:03:28,017 --> 00:03:29,952
-623!
-629.
71
00:03:29,985 --> 00:03:31,421
(yells)
72
00:03:31,454 --> 00:03:33,656
Yes!
73
00:03:33,689 --> 00:03:37,192
All I do is win.
(laughs)
74
00:03:38,794 --> 00:03:41,096
Ah, let me see,
which one of these is it?
75
00:03:41,130 --> 00:03:44,900
What? This hater bought up
every ticket in the place.
76
00:03:44,934 --> 00:03:47,102
He won by cheating.
77
00:03:47,136 --> 00:03:49,305
It's not cheating, Hank.
78
00:03:49,339 --> 00:03:51,140
I just bought more tickets.
79
00:03:51,173 --> 00:03:52,975
Look, to put it another way,
80
00:03:53,008 --> 00:03:57,413
I won because I've got more
money than you.
81
00:03:57,447 --> 00:04:01,317
That's America, baby doll.
82
00:04:01,351 --> 00:04:04,920
Gorgeous George, I will slap
that mustache off your face
83
00:04:04,954 --> 00:04:08,023
-and kick it down the hallway!
-Hold it, bud.
84
00:04:08,057 --> 00:04:09,992
I can't restrain you
the way I used to.
85
00:04:10,025 --> 00:04:13,195
Last week, I threw my back out
throwing my shoulder out.
86
00:04:13,228 --> 00:04:15,130
Want us to deliver it
to your room?
87
00:04:15,164 --> 00:04:16,799
(groans)
88
00:04:16,832 --> 00:04:18,868
Well, I've already got
more televisions
89
00:04:18,901 --> 00:04:20,536
than I know what to do with.
90
00:04:20,570 --> 00:04:25,107
Plus, all of them are so much
nicer than this one.
91
00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:28,844
Then give it to me! Gimme,
gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme!
92
00:04:28,878 --> 00:04:32,682
Install it in my crapper.
93
00:04:32,715 --> 00:04:36,118
I'll listen to my programs
as I shower.
94
00:04:36,151 --> 00:04:39,288
You're gonna listen to a 4K TV?
95
00:04:39,321 --> 00:04:41,691
That is a waste of K's!
96
00:04:41,724 --> 00:04:43,158
Allison!
97
00:04:43,192 --> 00:04:46,028
For once in your miserable life,
98
00:04:46,061 --> 00:04:49,298
do something!
99
00:04:49,331 --> 00:04:52,502
Guys, put the TV
in my office for now.
100
00:04:52,535 --> 00:04:54,637
George,
we'll install it tomorrow.
101
00:04:54,670 --> 00:04:55,838
Okay.
102
00:04:55,871 --> 00:04:57,640
Here.
103
00:04:57,673 --> 00:04:59,642
Here's five bucks.
104
00:04:59,675 --> 00:05:02,111
Save up for a new TV.
105
00:05:04,213 --> 00:05:07,983
Loser.
(groans)
106
00:05:08,017 --> 00:05:10,386
Oh, man, you didn't need that
107
00:05:10,420 --> 00:05:12,655
on top of everything
with your wife.
108
00:05:12,688 --> 00:05:14,390
This isn't about my ex-wife.
109
00:05:14,424 --> 00:05:17,393
This is about me and that TV.
We belong together.
110
00:05:17,427 --> 00:05:21,063
In sickness and in health,
for better or for worse.
111
00:05:23,733 --> 00:05:27,136
Till death do us part!
112
00:05:29,104 --> 00:05:33,042
You guys, call me cuckoo,
113
00:05:33,075 --> 00:05:35,678
but I'm starting to think
that this anger
114
00:05:35,711 --> 00:05:38,080
may be about his ex-wife.
115
00:05:43,252 --> 00:05:45,087
We need to do
something for Hank.
116
00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:46,689
I haven't seen him this upset
117
00:05:46,722 --> 00:05:50,893
since he found out that
RadioShack went out of business.
118
00:05:50,926 --> 00:05:55,931
Yeah, we kept it from him
as long as we could.
119
00:05:55,965 --> 00:06:00,069
We all know what you're driving
at, Margaret, and I accept.
120
00:06:00,102 --> 00:06:03,272
I'll talk to Hank and get him
to open up about his ex.
121
00:06:03,305 --> 00:06:06,375
And I'll even do it for free.
122
00:06:06,408 --> 00:06:09,244
Sid, there's no way in hell
that he is gonna open up to you.
123
00:06:09,278 --> 00:06:11,914
(laughs): And why
would we pay you for it?
124
00:06:11,947 --> 00:06:14,984
Because I'm the most sensitive
person in the group.
125
00:06:15,017 --> 00:06:17,553
Are you stupid, Margaret?
126
00:06:17,587 --> 00:06:19,755
I'm a great listener.
127
00:06:19,789 --> 00:06:21,323
-Sid...
-Uh-uh-uh!
128
00:06:21,356 --> 00:06:24,059
I'm not through yet, Margaret.
129
00:06:24,093 --> 00:06:28,998
People say that empathy
is my superpower.
130
00:06:29,031 --> 00:06:31,601
(laughs)
Who has said that to you?
131
00:06:31,634 --> 00:06:33,669
Well, it's more like
a whisper on the wind,
132
00:06:33,703 --> 00:06:36,472
rather than a specific person,
133
00:06:36,506 --> 00:06:38,974
but I will get Hank
to talk about Lorraine.
134
00:06:39,008 --> 00:06:40,910
Hank doesn't open up
about his feelings.
135
00:06:40,943 --> 00:06:43,312
He's proud, he's insecure,
136
00:06:43,345 --> 00:06:47,550
he's quiet, he's a man.
137
00:06:49,051 --> 00:06:51,420
No, what Hank needs is a win.
138
00:06:51,453 --> 00:06:52,988
Yep.
139
00:06:53,022 --> 00:06:54,990
What do you mean?
140
00:06:55,024 --> 00:06:56,826
I know what Hank
is going through.
141
00:06:56,859 --> 00:06:58,794
When my cheating ex-husband
got remarried,
142
00:06:58,828 --> 00:07:01,764
I went to a very,
very dark place.
143
00:07:01,797 --> 00:07:04,366
What, like, bingeing ice cream?
144
00:07:04,399 --> 00:07:08,170
No, I put a pound of cocaine
in his honeymoon luggage.
145
00:07:11,406 --> 00:07:13,609
We need to do something
to turn Hank's mood around.
146
00:07:13,643 --> 00:07:15,511
I think we should
make this Hank day.
147
00:07:15,545 --> 00:07:18,814
We'll do whatever he wants
to do, no matter how stupid.
148
00:07:18,848 --> 00:07:20,650
All right, everybody, listen up.
149
00:07:20,683 --> 00:07:24,486
I decided what I'm gonna do
about this, uh, TV issue.
150
00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:27,122
I want to steal the TV
out of Allison's office.
151
00:07:27,156 --> 00:07:28,724
Now before y'all
shout me down...
152
00:07:28,758 --> 00:07:30,459
-I think that's a great idea.
-Yay, Hank!
153
00:07:30,492 --> 00:07:33,328
Y'all never listen to my ideas!
This is about justice.
154
00:07:33,362 --> 00:07:35,130
-We're all on board, Hank.
-We're there.
155
00:07:35,164 --> 00:07:37,533
-You are?
-Yeah.
156
00:07:37,567 --> 00:07:39,769
Well, cool.
Then let's go steal that TV.
157
00:07:48,911 --> 00:07:51,581
All right, so let's get started
planning this heist,
158
00:07:51,614 --> 00:07:53,015
which I am calling
"Hank's Eleven."
159
00:07:53,048 --> 00:07:54,584
-So...
-Uh, h-hold on.
160
00:07:54,617 --> 00:07:57,019
Uh, Hank's Eleven?
There's only four of us.
161
00:07:57,052 --> 00:07:59,388
Yeah, the movie was called
Ocean's Eleven
162
00:07:59,421 --> 00:08:01,423
because there were 11 people.
163
00:08:01,456 --> 00:08:03,993
No, because the heist took place
at 11:00 at night.
164
00:08:04,026 --> 00:08:06,028
So, wait a minute,
by that logic,
165
00:08:06,061 --> 00:08:09,699
then Ocean's Thirteen took place
at 13:00?
166
00:08:09,732 --> 00:08:12,534
That's correct. Military time.
167
00:08:12,568 --> 00:08:16,005
I think it's an excellent name
for a heist. We all do.
168
00:08:16,038 --> 00:08:20,676
So here's how Hank's Eleven...
169
00:08:20,710 --> 00:08:22,511
is gonna go down:
170
00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:25,881
so the TV is currently
in Allison's office, now...
171
00:08:25,915 --> 00:08:29,551
You know, Hank, if I may,
I am somewhat of a heist expert,
172
00:08:29,585 --> 00:08:31,887
and I've taken the liberty
173
00:08:31,921 --> 00:08:35,357
to create this scale model
174
00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:36,792
of Shady Meadows.
175
00:08:36,826 --> 00:08:38,227
(gasping)
176
00:08:38,260 --> 00:08:39,962
Wow.
177
00:08:39,995 --> 00:08:42,564
When did you have time
to make this?
178
00:08:42,598 --> 00:08:46,468
I'm 70. When didn't I have time
to make this?
179
00:08:46,501 --> 00:08:48,037
Well, either way,
180
00:08:48,070 --> 00:08:50,305
I think we're following
Hank's lead here, aren't we?
181
00:08:50,339 --> 00:08:53,743
Or, or, or, or, or...
Hank could have a chat
182
00:08:53,776 --> 00:08:56,545
with the most empathetic person
in the room.
183
00:08:56,578 --> 00:09:00,983
Some people call me
Mr. Emotions Man.
184
00:09:02,451 --> 00:09:06,088
Just drop it, Sid.
That book is closed.
185
00:09:06,121 --> 00:09:08,090
We're stealing the TV.
That's it.
186
00:09:08,123 --> 00:09:09,825
Okay, let's get back
to the plan now.
187
00:09:09,859 --> 00:09:12,561
This gingerbread man,
which represents Hank,
188
00:09:12,594 --> 00:09:15,564
will release laughing gas
in the vents...
189
00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:19,401
Well, first of all,
I want to be a cooler cookie.
190
00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:21,170
And where are we gonna
get laughing gas?
191
00:09:21,203 --> 00:09:23,639
Well, my friend Mitch
is a dentist,
192
00:09:23,673 --> 00:09:25,808
or he was a dentist,
until he lost his license
193
00:09:25,841 --> 00:09:28,177
for selling laughing gas.
194
00:09:28,210 --> 00:09:30,345
MARGARET: I don't think we're
gonna need the laughing gas.
195
00:09:30,379 --> 00:09:33,082
I think what Hank was
probably going to say
196
00:09:33,115 --> 00:09:34,850
is that all we have to do
197
00:09:34,884 --> 00:09:36,852
is wait until everybody
is asleep.
198
00:09:36,886 --> 00:09:40,990
We will sneak into Allison's
office and we will take the TV.
199
00:09:41,023 --> 00:09:42,958
Well, that's exactly
what I was gonna say.
200
00:09:42,992 --> 00:09:44,860
I would've thrown in a couple
more, uh, "Hank's Elevens"
201
00:09:44,894 --> 00:09:47,096
up in there, but that's
basically the gist of it.
202
00:09:47,129 --> 00:09:49,031
All right.
This is gonna be easy.
203
00:09:49,064 --> 00:09:50,465
It's a retirement community.
204
00:09:50,499 --> 00:09:52,935
All we have to do is stay awake
till 9:30.
205
00:09:52,968 --> 00:09:54,469
-Whoa, now. Wait, wait a minute.
-No! -No.
206
00:09:54,503 --> 00:09:56,305
Oh, all right, 9:00.
207
00:10:02,077 --> 00:10:05,180
All right, so what
we have to do is--
208
00:10:05,214 --> 00:10:06,648
back up, back up, back up!
209
00:10:08,017 --> 00:10:10,686
Why is she still
in her office at 9:00?
210
00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:12,487
Doesn't she get off work
at 6:00?
211
00:10:12,521 --> 00:10:16,158
Oh, honey, she hasn't
gotten off in years.
212
00:10:16,191 --> 00:10:19,628
Yeah, I guess the fatal flaw
of this whole plan is we forgot
213
00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:22,364
that Allison
is a gigantic loser.
214
00:10:22,397 --> 00:10:26,401
GIRL (over computer):
It's prom season, betches!
215
00:10:26,435 --> 00:10:28,137
And if you want
the perfect smoky eye
216
00:10:28,170 --> 00:10:31,741
to get you the perfect
smokin' guy...
217
00:10:31,774 --> 00:10:33,475
Oh, this is pathetic.
218
00:10:33,508 --> 00:10:35,077
The woman is 40 years old
219
00:10:35,110 --> 00:10:38,113
and doesn't know
how to do a smoky eye?
220
00:10:39,681 --> 00:10:42,051
Now all we have to do
is think of something
221
00:10:42,084 --> 00:10:44,920
that'll get Allison
out of her office, fast.
222
00:10:44,954 --> 00:10:47,422
Got it.
223
00:10:48,958 --> 00:10:51,927
Allison, get out
of your office, fast.
224
00:10:51,961 --> 00:10:53,996
Why? What?
225
00:10:54,029 --> 00:10:56,231
Sid just passed out
all up in the sauna.
226
00:10:56,265 --> 00:10:58,500
GIRL (over computer):
All right, betches.
227
00:10:58,533 --> 00:11:01,536
Now let's clean up
that bikini line.
228
00:11:19,088 --> 00:11:22,524
Help! Help! Woe is me!
229
00:11:22,557 --> 00:11:24,459
(shouts)
230
00:11:24,493 --> 00:11:26,461
Ah, boy, we're too late.
231
00:11:26,495 --> 00:11:29,031
Rest in peace, tiny angel.
232
00:11:29,064 --> 00:11:31,533
-Allison!
-Whoa!
233
00:11:31,566 --> 00:11:34,303
Ah, what the heck? I just spoke.
234
00:11:34,336 --> 00:11:36,638
Uh-oh. The door is locked.
235
00:11:36,671 --> 00:11:38,440
-I'm-a go get help.
-No, wait, wait.
236
00:11:38,473 --> 00:11:39,708
I'm still in here.
237
00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:42,211
Good luck in there,
Mr. Emotions Man.
238
00:11:42,244 --> 00:11:44,713
You can lock the door on me,
239
00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:48,417
but you cannot lock the door
on your feelings!
240
00:11:50,452 --> 00:11:53,455
I mean, this is all a total
and complete accident.
241
00:11:53,488 --> 00:11:55,524
Nothing is afoot.
242
00:12:07,769 --> 00:12:10,672
I still think that we all
should be wearing ski masks.
243
00:12:10,705 --> 00:12:13,342
I mean, w-who does a heist
without a ski mask?
244
00:12:13,375 --> 00:12:15,577
It's embarrassing.
245
00:12:15,610 --> 00:12:18,513
This is not your heist.
We're doing this for Hank.
246
00:12:18,547 --> 00:12:21,516
Well, you know, the craziest
thing just happened.
247
00:12:21,550 --> 00:12:24,753
Yeah, I just found out
that one of my ex-wives
248
00:12:24,786 --> 00:12:26,655
is getting remarried--
oh, yeah...
249
00:12:26,688 --> 00:12:28,757
I'm not buying it, Charlie.
250
00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:31,693
-Please?
-No.
251
00:12:31,726 --> 00:12:33,195
Mission accomplished.
252
00:12:33,228 --> 00:12:35,865
Allison and Sid are locked up
in the sauna.
253
00:12:35,898 --> 00:12:37,666
-Huh.
-Sid's okay with that?
254
00:12:37,699 --> 00:12:41,770
Uh... uh-huh.
255
00:12:41,803 --> 00:12:43,772
And this has nothing to do
with the fact that he wants you
256
00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:45,774
to talk about your ex-wife?
257
00:12:45,807 --> 00:12:49,344
Uh... uh-uh.
258
00:12:49,378 --> 00:12:51,013
Okay. Well, all very believable.
259
00:12:51,046 --> 00:12:52,747
It's your heist.
260
00:12:55,985 --> 00:12:57,953
-Crap. It's locked.
-Oh...
261
00:12:57,987 --> 00:13:00,890
Well, we're gonna
have to jimmy the lock.
262
00:13:00,923 --> 00:13:02,291
Charlie, run down the hall
and be a lookout
263
00:13:02,324 --> 00:13:03,959
while Margaret and I break in.
264
00:13:03,993 --> 00:13:06,828
(chuckles): A lookout?
I'm the mastermind.
265
00:13:06,862 --> 00:13:08,697
You don't ask the mastermind
be the lookout.
266
00:13:08,730 --> 00:13:14,503
That's like asking the general
to be the... lookout.
267
00:13:15,770 --> 00:13:17,706
-(mouths)
-All right.
268
00:13:17,739 --> 00:13:19,474
How are we gonna
jimmy this lock?
269
00:13:19,508 --> 00:13:24,346
With the help of my old friend,
my RadioShack rewards card.
270
00:13:26,248 --> 00:13:28,550
(doorknob rattling)
271
00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:32,787
It won't budge. You try.
272
00:13:39,128 --> 00:13:41,931
Help! Let us out!
273
00:13:41,964 --> 00:13:44,366
Ooh, my fingers smell funny.
274
00:13:44,399 --> 00:13:47,502
I think they're cooking
in the heat.
275
00:13:47,536 --> 00:13:50,339
Should I eat them?
276
00:13:50,372 --> 00:13:52,574
How long have we been in here?
277
00:13:52,607 --> 00:13:55,377
Seven minutes.
278
00:13:55,410 --> 00:13:56,811
(shouts)
279
00:13:58,080 --> 00:13:59,414
(shouts)
280
00:13:59,448 --> 00:14:01,416
Uh-- uh, what?
281
00:14:01,450 --> 00:14:02,851
Does my makeup look weird?
282
00:14:02,884 --> 00:14:04,253
Oh, honey, you look like
somebody put Beetlejuice
283
00:14:04,286 --> 00:14:06,388
in the microwave.
284
00:14:06,421 --> 00:14:08,290
Oh, great. Beetlejuice.
285
00:14:08,323 --> 00:14:11,526
That's the wedding look
I was going for. Beetlejuice.
286
00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:13,462
"Hey, which bridesmaid
you want to hook up with?"
287
00:14:13,495 --> 00:14:14,696
"The one that looks
like Beetle..."
288
00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:16,731
Don't say it a third time!
289
00:14:16,765 --> 00:14:19,268
Unless you want
a real problem on your hands.
290
00:14:20,502 --> 00:14:24,873
Well, we're officially stuck.
291
00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:26,408
I guess the one upside
is I might miss
292
00:14:26,441 --> 00:14:29,078
my stupid, self-obsessed
sister's wedding.
293
00:14:29,111 --> 00:14:32,781
Hmm, you know, Allison, I have
a skill that some people call
294
00:14:32,814 --> 00:14:34,783
a superpower.
295
00:14:34,816 --> 00:14:36,785
Don't let this freak you out,
but I'm sensing
296
00:14:36,818 --> 00:14:40,589
you have some problems
with your sister.
297
00:14:40,622 --> 00:14:43,592
Yeah, I just said that.
298
00:14:43,625 --> 00:14:45,594
Look, the thing is,
299
00:14:45,627 --> 00:14:47,262
my sister's always been
the star of the family,
300
00:14:47,296 --> 00:14:49,564
a-and I never get any attention.
301
00:14:49,598 --> 00:14:51,333
Mm.
302
00:14:51,366 --> 00:14:54,603
Yeah, so you were hoping that
maybe if you got married first,
303
00:14:54,636 --> 00:14:56,638
you'd gain some ground
on your sister,
304
00:14:56,671 --> 00:14:58,640
but, honey, that ship
is sailing fast,
305
00:14:58,673 --> 00:15:01,910
and there's a brisk wind
behind it.
306
00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:04,513
And I'm standing
all alone on the dock.
307
00:15:04,546 --> 00:15:06,615
Looking like Beetlejuice.
308
00:15:06,648 --> 00:15:09,784
Damn it, Allison!
You said it a third time!
309
00:15:09,818 --> 00:15:13,055
Brace yourself. It's about
to get real crowded in here.
310
00:15:16,658 --> 00:15:21,663
There she is.
There's my beautiful television.
311
00:15:21,696 --> 00:15:24,599
Damn, girl, you sure look sexy.
312
00:15:24,633 --> 00:15:26,368
(laughs)
313
00:15:26,401 --> 00:15:29,704
Looks like Hank's Eleven has
fallen into place.
314
00:15:29,738 --> 00:15:32,341
I'm like a combination
of George Clooney, Brad Pitt
315
00:15:32,374 --> 00:15:34,443
and Matt Damon
all rolled up into one.
316
00:15:34,476 --> 00:15:36,945
You took the words
right out of my mouth.
317
00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:40,149
You are a genius, Hank.
318
00:15:40,182 --> 00:15:42,884
Wait a minute.
319
00:15:42,917 --> 00:15:45,954
Did you just call me a genius?
320
00:15:45,987 --> 00:15:47,956
-What the hell
is going on in here? -Nothing.
321
00:15:47,989 --> 00:15:50,459
I-I just think
you're killing it today.
322
00:15:50,492 --> 00:15:52,027
Now, you've gone along
with every one of my ideas.
323
00:15:52,061 --> 00:15:54,429
You haven't called me
a moron once.
324
00:15:55,664 --> 00:15:57,632
Wait a minute.
325
00:15:57,666 --> 00:16:00,202
You're doing all of this
'cause you feeling bad for me?
326
00:16:00,235 --> 00:16:01,836
This is a pity heist.
327
00:16:01,870 --> 00:16:04,806
You really think I'm that upset
about my ex-wife?
328
00:16:04,839 --> 00:16:08,210
-No?
-Look, I don't care what Lorraine is doing
329
00:16:08,243 --> 00:16:09,844
and I don't care
who she's doing it with,
330
00:16:09,878 --> 00:16:12,047
and I don't care what her
mattress sounds like
331
00:16:12,081 --> 00:16:13,248
when they doing it.
332
00:16:13,282 --> 00:16:14,416
And for the record,
333
00:16:14,449 --> 00:16:16,685
it's... (squeaking)
334
00:16:19,554 --> 00:16:23,092
(sputters, squeaks, snores)
335
00:16:26,561 --> 00:16:29,731
Can we please just take the TV
and be done with it?
336
00:16:29,764 --> 00:16:31,733
You know what?
I don't want that TV now.
337
00:16:31,766 --> 00:16:34,236
You don't pity me, I pity you!
You take it.
338
00:16:34,269 --> 00:16:36,605
-Fine, I will.
-The hell you will.
339
00:16:36,638 --> 00:16:41,376
Get your hands off that.
That's my 65-inch TV set.
340
00:16:41,410 --> 00:16:43,245
You wouldn't even know
what to do with it.
341
00:16:43,278 --> 00:16:45,547
I would watch it.
342
00:16:45,580 --> 00:16:48,617
Well, you just have
an answer for everything.
343
00:16:48,650 --> 00:16:50,085
I got gas.
344
00:16:51,953 --> 00:16:54,123
Charlie, tell me the truth.
345
00:16:54,156 --> 00:16:55,790
Is this a pity heist?
346
00:16:55,824 --> 00:16:57,526
Oh, absolutely not. No.
347
00:16:57,559 --> 00:16:59,794
This heist is 'cause we all felt
really sorry for you
348
00:16:59,828 --> 00:17:01,930
and thought you might
need a win.
349
00:17:01,963 --> 00:17:04,599
That's a textbook pity heist.
350
00:17:04,633 --> 00:17:06,101
Well, whatever it is,
I got the laughing gas
351
00:17:06,135 --> 00:17:07,736
to cover our escape.
352
00:17:07,769 --> 00:17:09,704
There is no one to escape from.
353
00:17:09,738 --> 00:17:12,441
We do not need gas.
354
00:17:12,474 --> 00:17:15,110
So no ski masks, no gas.
355
00:17:15,144 --> 00:17:16,945
This heist sucks.
356
00:17:16,978 --> 00:17:19,047
-(gas hissing)
-If you're so worried
357
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:20,649
about not being caught,
358
00:17:20,682 --> 00:17:22,784
why don't you try making
a little bit less noise,
359
00:17:22,817 --> 00:17:23,985
(laughing):
you dumbass.
360
00:17:24,018 --> 00:17:25,954
Why am I... why am I laughing?
361
00:17:25,987 --> 00:17:27,489
What is happening?
362
00:17:27,522 --> 00:17:30,425
(laughing):
The nozzle came off.
363
00:17:30,459 --> 00:17:32,060
Oh...
364
00:17:32,093 --> 00:17:35,797
I shouldn't have
knocked it over.
365
00:17:35,830 --> 00:17:37,332
-Why does everything we do...
-Shh.
366
00:17:37,366 --> 00:17:40,269
...always have to be
so damn stupid all the time?
367
00:17:40,302 --> 00:17:45,240
(laughs): Like, like,
my marriage. It's stupid.
368
00:17:45,274 --> 00:17:48,143
The truth is coming out.
Keep going.
369
00:17:48,177 --> 00:17:51,280
(laughing):
My-my soul mate cheated on me,
370
00:17:51,313 --> 00:17:54,283
and-and she left a gaping hole
where my heart should be.
371
00:17:54,316 --> 00:17:55,684
Yeah.
372
00:17:55,717 --> 00:17:59,821
And we thought we could
fill it with a TV.
373
00:17:59,854 --> 00:18:01,623
Now the devil woman
wants to marry
374
00:18:01,656 --> 00:18:04,193
the man she cheated on me with!
375
00:18:04,226 --> 00:18:08,830
That kind of pain
doesn't go away!
376
00:18:08,863 --> 00:18:12,501
I'm dead inside!
377
00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:19,007
(shouts, laughs)
378
00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:21,543
Damn, damn, damn!
379
00:18:21,576 --> 00:18:23,578
(all laughing)
380
00:18:31,220 --> 00:18:35,156
I can't believe you all thought
I needed this pity heist.
381
00:18:35,190 --> 00:18:37,125
Yeah, but don't you feel better
now that you've said
382
00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:39,728
all that stuff you were
holding deep inside?
383
00:18:39,761 --> 00:18:43,332
No. It was just the gas.
And the gas has passed.
384
00:18:44,899 --> 00:18:47,502
I'll bet Mr. Emotion Man
was excited to hear
385
00:18:47,536 --> 00:18:50,305
about your breakthrough when
you let him out of the sauna.
386
00:18:50,339 --> 00:18:52,841
Uh, right.
387
00:18:52,874 --> 00:18:57,011
"Let him out."
Um, I didn't do that.
388
00:18:57,045 --> 00:18:59,214
(clears throat)
389
00:19:01,750 --> 00:19:04,185
How'd you guys
get out of the sauna?
390
00:19:04,219 --> 00:19:07,322
We made it out when Mr. Randall
came in for his morning steam.
391
00:19:07,356 --> 00:19:09,391
Completely naked, by the way.
392
00:19:09,424 --> 00:19:12,527
Lowest testicles I've ever seen.
393
00:19:12,561 --> 00:19:14,195
Oh, I've seen lower.
394
00:19:14,229 --> 00:19:17,932
Happy ending to Allison's story:
395
00:19:17,966 --> 00:19:21,670
we made some serious
breakthroughs about her sister.
396
00:19:21,703 --> 00:19:23,572
Oh, that didn't happen.
397
00:19:23,605 --> 00:19:26,040
You kept crying because you
thought Beetlejuice was coming,
398
00:19:26,074 --> 00:19:27,709
and then you tried
to eat your fingers.
399
00:19:27,742 --> 00:19:31,746
I was tasting them, Allison,
tasting.
400
00:19:33,382 --> 00:19:35,550
And Hank.
401
00:19:35,584 --> 00:19:39,354
I spent most of my time in the
sauna planning to murder you.
402
00:19:39,388 --> 00:19:41,756
Then I realized
I sweated off ten pounds
403
00:19:41,790 --> 00:19:44,293
and I'm gonna be the hottest
bridesmaid at that wedding.
404
00:19:44,326 --> 00:19:46,795
Way hotter than my bitch sister.
405
00:19:46,828 --> 00:19:50,265
We've got some work
to do, still.
406
00:19:52,634 --> 00:19:54,603
Uh, can one of you escort me
to the infirmary?
407
00:19:54,636 --> 00:19:57,972
I haven't peed in 14 hours.
408
00:19:58,006 --> 00:19:59,641
I'll take you.
409
00:19:59,674 --> 00:20:03,144
Don't worry about the pee.
It'll come.
410
00:20:03,177 --> 00:20:06,581
I'm gonna go, uh, go help
Allison with her smoky eye.
411
00:20:06,615 --> 00:20:09,284
She, she really is pathetic,
isn't she?
412
00:20:09,318 --> 00:20:12,954
Yes, she is. And, uh, Margaret.
413
00:20:12,987 --> 00:20:14,923
-Mm.
-One last thing.
414
00:20:14,956 --> 00:20:16,558
What is it?
415
00:20:16,591 --> 00:20:18,192
Thank you.
416
00:20:19,828 --> 00:20:22,230
What exactly are you
thanking me for?
417
00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:26,000
Don't push me, Margaret.
That's as far as I'm going.
418
00:20:26,034 --> 00:20:28,470
All right, I'll take it.
419
00:20:28,503 --> 00:20:31,940
I'll see you later, you moron.
420
00:20:39,948 --> 00:20:43,518
It's movie night!
421
00:20:43,552 --> 00:20:48,590
Tonight's film
is 13 Going on 30.
422
00:20:48,623 --> 00:20:51,593
Now, I chose this film
423
00:20:51,626 --> 00:20:54,496
'cause it's an enchanting
romantic comedy
424
00:20:54,529 --> 00:20:58,700
and plus, it's still stuck
in the VCR part
425
00:20:58,733 --> 00:21:01,703
of my TV/VCR combo.
426
00:21:01,736 --> 00:21:07,275
So imagine this:
when the day begins, you're 13.
427
00:21:07,308 --> 00:21:10,278
But when the Moon comes up,
you're 30.
428
00:21:10,311 --> 00:21:13,848
She can't even drive a car.
429
00:21:13,882 --> 00:21:17,051
'Cause she looks 30
on the outside,
430
00:21:17,085 --> 00:21:20,555
but on the inside,
431
00:21:20,589 --> 00:21:22,891
she's 13.
432
00:21:22,924 --> 00:21:27,362
Y'all a bunch of wusses.
433
00:21:27,396 --> 00:21:29,398
That's pretty good.
434
00:21:29,448 --> 00:21:33,998
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