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1
00:00:01,750 --> 00:00:05,909
The girl from last night? We did it.
You are pregnant.
2
00:00:05,956 --> 00:00:08,493
He was 16. Little bastard.
3
00:00:08,595 --> 00:00:12,034
You said you wanted to be involved.
So, you're involved.
4
00:00:12,035 --> 00:00:15,434
Why don't you chuck me out like
you did with Dad when he shagged his secretary?
5
00:00:15,435 --> 00:00:17,074
How bloody dare you!
6
00:00:17,075 --> 00:00:18,154
Ah!
7
00:00:18,155 --> 00:00:20,714
God, Alan. Does that not hurt?
8
00:00:20,715 --> 00:00:22,194
Of course it hurts!
9
00:00:22,195 --> 00:00:24,834
Why don't you come
and stay at ours this evening? Ah!
10
00:00:24,835 --> 00:00:27,675
I can't be around this now. It's bad
for me, it's bad for the baby.
11
00:00:27,675 --> 00:00:29,595
I really think you're overreacting,
Laura.
12
00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:31,434
Someone take this, please.
13
00:00:31,435 --> 00:00:32,915
You'll be OK in here?
14
00:00:32,915 --> 00:00:34,275
Fine.
15
00:01:09,915 --> 00:01:11,835
No. No.
16
00:01:25,155 --> 00:01:26,315
Jamie.
17
00:01:27,675 --> 00:01:28,955
Jamie.
18
00:01:30,395 --> 00:01:32,795
Jamie. Wake up, you lazy sod.
19
00:01:32,795 --> 00:01:33,835
Don't disturb him.
20
00:01:33,836 --> 00:01:35,874
He's in my seat.
21
00:01:35,875 --> 00:01:38,394
That's where I have my tea
and the paper. It's my routine.
22
00:01:38,395 --> 00:01:42,074
Use the beanbag. I hate the beanbag.
I can't get leverage on my toast.
23
00:01:42,075 --> 00:01:44,435
It's comfy.
Why can't he sleep on it, then?
24
00:01:44,435 --> 00:01:46,675
Cos he's your son,
he's not a bloody cat.
25
00:01:48,755 --> 00:01:51,794
How long's Bride of Frankenstein
going to be here, anyway?
26
00:01:51,795 --> 00:01:54,274
I don't know.
A couple more days, a week.
27
00:01:54,275 --> 00:01:56,714
San, she's been here
eight weeks already.
28
00:01:56,715 --> 00:02:00,074
It's not that bad. And her obsessive
cleaning's a real timesaver for me.
29
00:02:00,075 --> 00:02:02,074
I don't care.
We've got to say something.
30
00:02:02,075 --> 00:02:04,355
All right, but leave it to me.
31
00:02:04,355 --> 00:02:07,835
And switch on the immersion heater.
Laura's having a shower.
32
00:02:14,155 --> 00:02:16,035
Oh, God. Sorry, son.
33
00:02:17,675 --> 00:02:18,995
Oh, well, you're up now.
34
00:02:22,315 --> 00:02:25,034
I may have a couple more minutes.
Whoa, no, come on.
35
00:02:25,035 --> 00:02:26,834
Go and get that jam off your face.
36
00:02:26,835 --> 00:02:30,154
And hurry up,
you don't want to be late for work.
37
00:02:30,155 --> 00:02:32,195
Oh, God, work. Yeah.
38
00:02:32,195 --> 00:02:34,675
Stick the immersion on,
there's a good lad.
39
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,474
Ah!
40
00:02:43,475 --> 00:02:45,674
Oh, God! I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
41
00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:52,155
I mean, obviously, I saw something,
42
00:02:52,155 --> 00:02:55,395
but it isn't like I've not seen it
before, albeit just the once, but...
43
00:02:57,835 --> 00:02:59,955
I'm sorry. Huh!
44
00:03:01,195 --> 00:03:02,235
There is a lock.
45
00:03:03,515 --> 00:03:05,755
Little, brass thing on the door.
46
00:03:12,275 --> 00:03:14,355
Aaah.
47
00:03:17,795 --> 00:03:21,595
Oh, Keith.
Oh, you're really spoiling me.
48
00:03:23,795 --> 00:03:26,075
Oh, that's so thoughtful.
49
00:03:26,075 --> 00:03:29,435
Yeah, no problem, love.
50
00:03:33,315 --> 00:03:36,195
Everybody's just being so nice
to me.
51
00:03:37,555 --> 00:03:42,995
It's just really... nice.
52
00:03:48,195 --> 00:03:50,315
Hey, don't be like that.
53
00:03:51,795 --> 00:03:54,194
Hey, it's all right. Don't...
54
00:03:54,195 --> 00:03:57,754
Oh, God, what is wrong with me?
It's only a piece of toast.
55
00:03:57,755 --> 00:04:01,714
It's just the hormones, love.
You'll be all right.
56
00:04:01,715 --> 00:04:04,955
So stupid. Look at me crying.
57
00:04:04,955 --> 00:04:06,395
Say something.
58
00:04:09,675 --> 00:04:13,074
Laura, love, you've been here
for a while
59
00:04:13,075 --> 00:04:16,594
and we were just wondering
about your plans?
60
00:04:16,595 --> 00:04:18,314
My plans? You know, like, say,
61
00:04:18,315 --> 00:04:21,474
where were you planning to be for,
say, Christmas?
62
00:04:21,475 --> 00:04:27,834
Oh! Sandra, that is so nice.
I would love to spend it here.
63
00:04:27,835 --> 00:04:30,955
I was getting really worried
that I was overstaying my welcome.
64
00:04:30,955 --> 00:04:34,315
OK. That is so kind of you.
65
00:04:38,755 --> 00:04:43,554
I have to say, I wasn't expecting
to see you two again.
66
00:04:43,555 --> 00:04:46,234
Well, I think the fact
that we're seeing you again
67
00:04:46,235 --> 00:04:49,034
reflects how committed we are
to making this work.
68
00:04:49,035 --> 00:04:52,474
Thank you, Alan.
I take that as a compliment.
69
00:04:52,475 --> 00:04:54,074
Mmmm.
70
00:04:54,075 --> 00:04:55,714
Let's get started, shall we?
71
00:04:55,715 --> 00:05:00,594
I want you to see
your relationship as a continuum.
72
00:05:00,595 --> 00:05:06,554
So, we start here, where you met
and you fell in love
73
00:05:06,555 --> 00:05:08,354
and you're both happy.
74
00:05:08,355 --> 00:05:11,874
Then, there's all this other stuff
in the middle,
75
00:05:11,875 --> 00:05:16,034
children, careers, mortgages.
76
00:05:16,035 --> 00:05:18,315
Affairs. Affairs, thank you, Janet.
77
00:05:18,315 --> 00:05:21,075
Remember what we said about blame.
78
00:05:23,195 --> 00:05:28,475
OK, and then, lately,
there's these Laura issues.
79
00:05:29,875 --> 00:05:33,514
And then, we're here,
where we are now,
80
00:05:33,515 --> 00:05:41,315
where nobody's happy and Alan has
a carving fork in his foot.
81
00:05:41,315 --> 00:05:46,715
You need to find that thing
that you lost along the way.
82
00:05:47,755 --> 00:05:49,955
You need to rediscover the spark.
83
00:05:51,195 --> 00:05:54,835
So, you think this spark
is under the squiggle?
84
00:05:54,835 --> 00:05:56,155
Precisely.
85
00:06:02,715 --> 00:06:06,514
Yeah, er, sorry,
what is your advice, exactly?
86
00:06:06,515 --> 00:06:08,714
Go on a date.
87
00:06:08,715 --> 00:06:14,634
In fact, go on several dates.
Allow yourselves to be romantic.
88
00:06:14,635 --> 00:06:19,314
You really think dinner
and a movie is going to fix this?
89
00:06:19,315 --> 00:06:22,234
It's the ceremony of courtship
that matters.
90
00:06:22,235 --> 00:06:27,354
Don't underestimate the power
of concentrating your attention
91
00:06:27,355 --> 00:06:32,795
exclusively on one person,
instead of spreading it around.
92
00:06:32,795 --> 00:06:34,795
And well done for not biting
on that, Janet.
93
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:49,919
I feel amazing.
94
00:06:49,920 --> 00:06:52,959
It's not until you experience
pregnancy that you understand
95
00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:56,279
how it can be. I just,
oh, I feel beautiful.
96
00:06:56,280 --> 00:06:59,359
Really? Yeah.
And people pick up on it.
97
00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:04,839
I just feel like, like I have
this warm glow all around me.
98
00:07:04,840 --> 00:07:09,280
Uh-huh. Awww. Aww.
99
00:07:09,280 --> 00:07:12,920
Oh, yeah, adorable.
100
00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:17,679
So, aren't Jamie's lot sick of
having you there?
101
00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:21,079
No, they love having me.
And it's so nice to be in a place
102
00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:23,599
where you actually feel wanted.
103
00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:26,520
You can't stay in
a teenage boy's bedroom forever.
104
00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:30,520
I know, but, Dan, I'm happy.
And I just...
105
00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:36,559
I feel like
it's all going to work out.
106
00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:39,999
Oh, now, come with, come help me
try on maternity jeans.
107
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,999
Yeah, I can't do that.
Oh, have you got to be somewhere?
108
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:46,120
No, I just can't do that.
I'm going to give you these.
109
00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:47,520
Oh. And then I'm going to...
110
00:07:47,521 --> 00:07:50,799
Oh, OK. But, so, I'll call you
in the week?
111
00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:54,879
Yeah, definitely. OK. Bye. Bye.
112
00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:58,159
She's like a parasite. Yeah.
We haven't been to his in ages.
113
00:07:58,160 --> 00:08:01,519
She has to accept he's got
other friends. I miss him, Beth.
114
00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:03,799
And I miss Xbox Thursdays.
115
00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:06,360
You do realise you're the only one
who calls it that?
116
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:08,720
What do you call it? Thursday.
117
00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:12,519
Hey, Beth, Beth.
118
00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:16,239
Oh, my God. Look, look.
Who's this? Ready?
119
00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:19,079
Urrrrgh.
120
00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:21,559
It's coming.
121
00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:26,279
Is that how you were born?
Head-first over a hard surface.
122
00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:30,919
Jamie. Jamie, think fast.
123
00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:32,520
Doesn't bode well, does it?
124
00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:34,720
I'm not expecting someone
to throw the kid at me.
125
00:08:34,721 --> 00:08:37,919
It depends on the birth,
doesn't it? What are you doing here?
126
00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:40,519
We want to know why you've been
avoiding us. I'm not.
127
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:43,559
Oh, great, so you won't mind
if we come to yours tonight, then?
128
00:08:43,560 --> 00:08:47,080
It's a bit awkward with Laura there.
It's a bit crowded round ours.
129
00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:49,000
See, that's what I'm talking about.
130
00:08:49,001 --> 00:08:52,519
Jamie, you can't spend the rest
of your life worrying about some pregnant woman.
131
00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:55,840
I think there's a time limit on it.
And it's, sort of, my responsibility.
132
00:08:55,840 --> 00:08:58,080
Yeah, it kind of sounds like
she made you her bitch.
133
00:08:58,081 --> 00:09:00,120
I'm not her bitch.
134
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:01,840
Oh, Jamie. Take these.
135
00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:06,120
And that one, it's heavy.
OK, take that.
136
00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:08,720
Oh. Mike, Beth, this is Laura.
137
00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:11,280
Never would have guessed.
138
00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:15,839
This is Beth and Mike. Hi.
139
00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:17,440
Have we met?
140
00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:19,920
Not exactly. Although I did see you
at the party when...
141
00:09:19,921 --> 00:09:22,399
So, I should just get on.
142
00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:24,719
Cos I've got 300 velociraptors
to stack.
143
00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:26,359
Yeah, I'm not going to stop.
144
00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:29,079
Jamie, could you take these, please,
and pay for them as well.
145
00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:30,719
I get a staff discount.
146
00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:32,999
Oh, how convenient for you.
147
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:37,359
So, Laura, we were thinking of
coming over to Jamie's tonight.
148
00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:39,239
You wouldn't mind, would you?
149
00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:41,839
Oh, yeah, yeah, no, that's fine.
Be nice to get to know you.
150
00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:44,320
Cool. All right, see you later.
151
00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:46,080
Yeah. Bye. Bye. Bye.
152
00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:50,360
You were saying something about
not being her bitch?
153
00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:52,200
Hmm?
154
00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:59,400
Buy you that tie.
You were going to buy me a tie.
155
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:00,520
Idiot.
156
00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:15,159
Hello.
157
00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:17,239
Do you have a reservation?
158
00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:19,479
Yes, Derbyshire.
159
00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:22,519
Oh, we were expecting you earlier.
160
00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:25,680
Yes, so were we.
Our sat nav took us the wrong way.
161
00:10:25,680 --> 00:10:27,158
I put in the address correctly.
162
00:10:27,159 --> 00:10:29,560
Don't worry. Lots of people
have trouble finding us.
163
00:10:29,561 --> 00:10:32,119
The postcode is actually wrong
on the website.
164
00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:35,599
You see, Alan,
the postcode's wrong on the website.
165
00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:37,639
Did you end up
on the industrial estate?
166
00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:38,880
Yes.
167
00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:40,000
Yes.
168
00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:45,759
Honestly, the number of people
we get in here saying that.
169
00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:49,240
Right. And you don't think it might
be a good idea to change it?
170
00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:51,560
Absolutely. I'll make a note of it.
171
00:10:53,560 --> 00:10:56,079
Right, you're on
the all-inclusive package.
172
00:10:56,080 --> 00:11:00,119
And I'm afraid you've just missed
the last sitting for lunch.
173
00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:02,999
Yes, but we've paid for our lunch.
Yes, but as you can see,
174
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:07,839
it does state here that the last
sitting for lunch is at 2:15pm.
175
00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:09,479
Yes, it also clearly states
176
00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:11,919
that your address is
a powder coating workshop.
177
00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:15,519
As I say, that is not my department,
but I will make a note of it.
178
00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:17,479
Well, go on then.
179
00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:19,680
Go on then, what?
Make a note of it.
180
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,880
Just a turn of phrase.
181
00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:32,080
You're on the fourth floor, room 46.
182
00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:46,320
Oh. Where have the Hobnobs gone?
183
00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:48,040
They were out of date,
I binned them.
184
00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:52,159
Have you moved my tea?
185
00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:54,719
I thought you'd finished,
it was half empty.
186
00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:56,639
It was half full.
187
00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:58,200
Hiya.
188
00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:01,560
Hi. Ooh, did you get my magazines?
Erm.
189
00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:06,120
There you go. Great.
190
00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:11,280
Oh, I got my discount.
191
00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:13,520
Oh, good. Do you want to give me
the cash now or...?
192
00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:17,759
The cash for the things
for our baby?
193
00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:19,639
No, no.
194
00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:22,159
I just thought maybe I could get
the money for the jeans?
195
00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:24,559
The maternity jeans.
196
00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:26,119
Err, yeah.
197
00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:30,079
The maternity jeans with the
elasticated waistband that I need
198
00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:33,279
because you got me pregnant and I
have your baby growing inside of me.
199
00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:36,000
They're the ones.
200
00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:41,640
Says here,
just over ?60 with the discount.
201
00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:48,400
Whenever's fine, really, just...
202
00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:54,759
Laura? Hmm? Did you wash the phone?
203
00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:58,279
No. I don't think so.
204
00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:00,400
You did the washing-up, though?
205
00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:03,040
I think I would have remembered
if I did that.
206
00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:09,719
I guess it could have been
any one of us. Yeah, any one of us
207
00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:12,559
who's been at home all afternoon
washing the electrical items.
208
00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:16,000
Keith, I thought maybe we'd go to
the pub for dinner, just you and me,
209
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:18,160
get out of the house,
give everyone a bit of space.
210
00:13:18,161 --> 00:13:21,760
Yeah, that's a great idea.
In fact, let's go early.
211
00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,720
You two'll be all right
for a bit of dinner?
212
00:13:23,721 --> 00:13:25,399
San, are you ready? Erm.
213
00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:26,759
Get some pizza, OK?
214
00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:30,800
Cheers, Mum. Sandra, I'm going!
All right, I'm coming.
215
00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:33,120
Are you done with that? Erm.
216
00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:35,360
Yeah.
217
00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:41,119
No, we asked for a double,
not a twin.
218
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:43,359
Right, right,
you're going to make a note of it.
219
00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:46,199
Why does that not surprise me? Yes.
220
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:50,440
They can give us a double room if
we move, but the view's not as good.
221
00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:53,160
Wh...? Not as good as that?
222
00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:57,680
Yes, I'm still here.
223
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:00,000
No.
224
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:01,920
Can you see
how adjoining single rooms
225
00:14:01,921 --> 00:14:05,079
might be a step
in the wrong direction?
226
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:10,520
Things are going marvellously. I can
feel us getting closer already!
227
00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:13,040
No. No, no.
228
00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:20,759
Hiya, come in.
Oh. Oh, it's good to see you.
229
00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:23,440
How's the dictator?
She's not a dictator.
230
00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:25,680
Jamie, could you ask them
to take their shoes off.
231
00:14:25,681 --> 00:14:27,200
I vacuumed earlier.
232
00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:32,080
If you could.
233
00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:47,399
So, how much do you weigh now,
Laura?
234
00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:48,799
Cos you look massive.
235
00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:52,399
Oh. I don't know.
I haven't weighed myself recently.
236
00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:54,999
What do you think? 12 stone? 14?
237
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:56,039
Beth!
238
00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:57,639
No, I'm saying it's good.
239
00:14:57,640 --> 00:15:01,400
You're eating for two or three
or however many it is.
240
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,640
Try it now, Jamie.
241
00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:06,519
No. Oh, dammit.
242
00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:08,479
So, how was work, Jamie?
243
00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:11,720
Usual, stacked shelves,
got bitten by an eight-year-old.
244
00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:14,240
Now? No.
245
00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:19,720
You must be coining it in
with all those extra shifts, though.
246
00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:22,080
I suppose they'll be going
towards the baby, right?
247
00:15:22,081 --> 00:15:24,639
Well, there's a lot of things
to buy. And it's not cheap.
248
00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:27,359
It's just you working, isn't it?
Not you, Laura. You don't work.
249
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:30,080
Not at the moment.
You basically do nothing, then?
250
00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:32,400
No, Laura helps out
around the house quite a lot.
251
00:15:32,401 --> 00:15:33,919
Is that it?
252
00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:35,799
So, you're, like, the breadwinner
253
00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:37,919
while Laura's, sort of,
a kept woman.
254
00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:40,040
Do you think you'll ever work,
Laura? OK.
255
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:42,800
I'm going for pizza.
Beth, you're coming with.
256
00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:46,919
Oh. Yes.
257
00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:51,240
Oh. Let's go. Hee-hee. Let's roll.
258
00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:52,880
Come on, then.
259
00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:58,000
What the hell is your problem?
260
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:00,400
All right, Jamie, I've tried
to be discreet about it,
261
00:16:00,401 --> 00:16:02,559
but my problem is,
she's fucking up your life.
262
00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:05,079
Right, well, firstly,
you weren't that discreet.
263
00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:07,759
And secondly, that thing
she's fucking up,
264
00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:10,199
that is not my life any more.
Look at you.
265
00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:13,079
You're sleeping on a sofa,
you hardly see your friends,
266
00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:16,240
you're carrying her shopping like
some pathetic, castrated butler.
267
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:18,718
Is that what you want?
Course that's not what I want.
268
00:16:18,719 --> 00:16:20,680
So, stop falling into the trap, OK?
269
00:16:20,681 --> 00:16:23,199
Otherwise she'll keep
wheeling out this pregnancy thing,
270
00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:24,719
every time she wants something.
271
00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:26,720
Well, she's kind of got
a point, hasn't she?
272
00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:30,000
We're having a kid.
Don't make me choose, OK?
273
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:33,880
And pick a pizza.
274
00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:38,759
So, accelerate and brake.
275
00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:42,480
What do these ones do?
You don't need to worry about them.
276
00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:44,680
Because I'm just a girl? Yes.
277
00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:53,359
This might sound a little bit weird,
278
00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:55,919
but could I just feel
the baby kicking?
279
00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:58,439
Absolutely not. OK.
280
00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:00,880
What if I was to just talk to it,
you know?
281
00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:02,640
Get it used to little
Uncle Mike's voice.
282
00:17:02,641 --> 00:17:05,919
Wow, that's actually creepier.
283
00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:10,999
Listen, Laura, we're going to be in
each other's lives from now on, so...
284
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:15,119
Not necessarily. Yeah, cos, well,
Jamie's got his friends
285
00:17:15,120 --> 00:17:17,159
and you've got yours.
286
00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:20,199
And the two groups need to bond,
for the sake of the baby.
287
00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:23,439
Now, if that means you have to
fix me up with one of your friends,
288
00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:26,199
so be it. That's not happening.
289
00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:29,040
I'll give you my number,
just in case.
290
00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:32,360
Anything I can do to give the kid
a good start in life.
291
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:38,279
I prefer redheads if it helps.
I'm not going to take that.
292
00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:40,359
Well, it's a child welfare issue,
really. No.
293
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:43,439
Why not? Well,
although I don't know you that well,
294
00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:45,919
you basically seem to be a freak.
295
00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:49,200
And I wouldn't inflict you on any
of my friends or even acquaintances.
296
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:52,280
Right. Fair enough.
297
00:18:00,500 --> 00:18:03,779
Look, I know you're just
looking out for me, OK,
298
00:18:03,780 --> 00:18:05,499
but I actually want to do this.
299
00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:07,459
I mean, she is my...
300
00:18:07,460 --> 00:18:10,339
She's your what? I don't know.
301
00:18:10,340 --> 00:18:12,499
But do me a favour
and go easy on her.
302
00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:14,699
She's really vulnerable
at the moment.
303
00:18:14,700 --> 00:18:17,179
Your ass is mine now, gayboy!
304
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:20,859
No, no, no, nooo!
305
00:18:20,860 --> 00:18:24,259
Ahh, Mike, she's right on your tail.
Bollocks to that,
306
00:18:24,260 --> 00:18:26,179
I'm about to lap the bitch!
307
00:18:26,180 --> 00:18:27,459
Eeeeh!
308
00:18:27,460 --> 00:18:30,059
Yes, in your face!
309
00:18:30,060 --> 00:18:33,100
Burn, you little freak. Burn!
310
00:18:33,100 --> 00:18:34,340
It's not...
311
00:18:35,780 --> 00:18:38,660
I didn't even want to play with you.
It's not fair, man.
312
00:18:38,660 --> 00:18:40,620
What? It's not fair cos you suck
at this game?
313
00:18:40,621 --> 00:18:42,699
No, you suck. You suck.
314
00:18:42,700 --> 00:18:45,859
Why are you even here? We were fine
before you muscled in.
315
00:18:45,860 --> 00:18:48,979
Mike. Muscled in? You think I want
to be here playing computer games,
316
00:18:48,980 --> 00:18:51,020
eating pizza with you losers?
317
00:18:51,020 --> 00:18:53,498
Don't call them losers!
They're not winners, are they?
318
00:18:53,499 --> 00:18:55,420
At least we're not knocked up
and homeless.
319
00:18:55,421 --> 00:18:57,859
Oh! You... Ah.
320
00:18:57,860 --> 00:18:59,859
What's the matter? Are you OK?
321
00:18:59,860 --> 00:19:01,619
Ah! Does it look like I'm OK?
322
00:19:01,620 --> 00:19:03,819
Oh, God. Is it a contraction?
It's not time.
323
00:19:03,820 --> 00:19:06,979
I know. Should I call an ambulance?
I don't know. I haven't done this before.
324
00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:09,939
What's your natural instinct telling
you? How should I know?
325
00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:13,179
I'm not a bloody panda!
Just call the ambulance!
326
00:19:13,180 --> 00:19:15,219
Ow! Oh!
327
00:19:15,220 --> 00:19:16,699
I need a charger.
328
00:19:16,700 --> 00:19:19,219
Use the landline!
329
00:19:19,220 --> 00:19:20,979
Ow.
330
00:19:20,980 --> 00:19:23,819
Wh...? It's...
331
00:19:23,820 --> 00:19:25,259
It wasn't me.
332
00:19:25,260 --> 00:19:27,579
It's OK, I've got 999 on speed dial.
333
00:19:27,580 --> 00:19:33,300
Ow! Ooh. Menu, contacts. Ow.
Business.
334
00:19:33,300 --> 00:19:35,738
Why is this happening now?
This shouldn't be happening.
335
00:19:35,739 --> 00:19:37,938
Oh, I'm sorry, is it not
a convenient time for you?
336
00:19:37,939 --> 00:19:40,260
I'll ask it to stay up there
till you're ready, shall I?
337
00:19:40,261 --> 00:19:43,259
All right. All right. I'm sorry, OK.
Don't panic. Don't panic!
338
00:19:43,260 --> 00:19:46,259
The ambulance is coming. Mike!
I can't get reception.
339
00:19:46,260 --> 00:19:49,980
Well, just, just... Ow.
340
00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:51,820
OK, keep breathing.
341
00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:55,180
Yes. I've got two bars.
342
00:19:57,620 --> 00:19:59,700
Yes, ambulance please.
343
00:19:59,700 --> 00:20:01,780
They've gone again.
344
00:20:07,100 --> 00:20:08,300
Hello?
345
00:20:09,900 --> 00:20:13,459
OK. Don't worry, Jamie love,
we'll be right there.
346
00:20:13,460 --> 00:20:16,340
It's Laura. We're going.
OK, let's go.
347
00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:18,380
Keith, come on!
348
00:20:30,540 --> 00:20:32,259
So, what do you reckon?
349
00:20:32,260 --> 00:20:37,339
Depressive banker
and East European gold digger?
350
00:20:37,340 --> 00:20:40,539
That looks like a second marriage.
351
00:20:40,540 --> 00:20:43,339
Hope over experience and all that.
352
00:20:43,340 --> 00:20:47,139
And to our right,
the furious, impotent dentist
353
00:20:47,140 --> 00:20:49,900
and the nurse he fell in love with.
354
00:20:49,900 --> 00:20:51,860
And rinse, please.
355
00:20:54,260 --> 00:20:55,460
What?
356
00:20:55,460 --> 00:20:56,540
What's wrong?
357
00:20:59,140 --> 00:21:02,339
They're us. They're not us.
They are.
358
00:21:02,340 --> 00:21:04,779
This is the ceremony.
359
00:21:04,780 --> 00:21:07,699
You come here, you argue
in front of witnesses,
360
00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:13,260
you finally realise you can't stand
each other, you go home and get back in touch with your divorce lawyer.
361
00:21:13,260 --> 00:21:15,260
What do you mean, back in touch?
362
00:21:16,940 --> 00:21:20,780
You saw a divorce lawyer? Yes.
363
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:24,260
When? Oh, I don't know, early on.
364
00:21:27,780 --> 00:21:30,380
You're not telling me you didn't
consult someone, are you?
365
00:21:30,380 --> 00:21:31,980
Never.
366
00:21:33,180 --> 00:21:37,219
I mean, look, I'm a stupid, vain man,
367
00:21:37,220 --> 00:21:39,660
I never didn't want to be married
to you.
368
00:21:39,660 --> 00:21:42,020
That's why I tried so hard
to cover it up.
369
00:21:45,980 --> 00:21:48,220
One of us supposed
to throw wine now?
370
00:21:51,100 --> 00:21:53,460
God, I don't want to be one of them.
371
00:21:55,180 --> 00:21:56,980
Do you?
372
00:22:01,300 --> 00:22:04,259
And I'm sorry
you're leaving us early.
373
00:22:04,260 --> 00:22:06,339
Yes, we really couldn't stay
any longer.
374
00:22:06,340 --> 00:22:09,499
Oh, well, I do hope you still
enjoyed your stay.
375
00:22:09,500 --> 00:22:11,820
I think it may have saved
our marriage.
376
00:22:11,820 --> 00:22:13,140
Right.
377
00:22:20,940 --> 00:22:23,020
And yet, still no tip.
378
00:22:28,144 --> 00:22:31,103
OK, people, don't worry. Oh.
I've googled giving birth,
379
00:22:31,104 --> 00:22:32,783
I know what to do. Laura love,
380
00:22:32,784 --> 00:22:36,464
I'm just going to check how dilated
you are. Ah! Ow! Ah, good.
381
00:22:36,464 --> 00:22:38,184
Beth, do you want to have
a look up there?
382
00:22:38,185 --> 00:22:39,984
I am not looking up there.
383
00:22:39,984 --> 00:22:41,384
Nobody's looking up there!
384
00:22:41,385 --> 00:22:44,943
OK, OK, let's just all stop panicking
for a moment and...
385
00:22:44,944 --> 00:22:47,103
Hello? Oh, thank God.
386
00:22:47,104 --> 00:22:49,943
I'm going to hand this over to Mum.
387
00:22:49,944 --> 00:22:54,343
Good job. All right, calm down,
love. Keith get her a drink of water.
388
00:22:54,344 --> 00:22:56,903
Are they getting closer together?
I don't know.
389
00:22:56,904 --> 00:22:59,063
Are they getting stronger?
I don't think so, no.
390
00:22:59,064 --> 00:23:01,583
OK, then, I don't think
you need to worry.
391
00:23:01,584 --> 00:23:03,624
These are probably just
Braxton Hicks.
392
00:23:03,624 --> 00:23:05,822
They're practice contractions
to get you in shape.
393
00:23:05,823 --> 00:23:07,744
I'm not having the baby.
No, I don't think so,
394
00:23:07,745 --> 00:23:10,103
but we'll keep an eye on them.
395
00:23:10,104 --> 00:23:12,543
When was the last time you felt one?
396
00:23:12,544 --> 00:23:14,983
Just before I hit the geek.
When was that, Mike?
397
00:23:14,984 --> 00:23:18,904
About a minute ago.
OK, come on, love, it's all right.
398
00:23:18,904 --> 00:23:22,944
Come on. You're all right. Oh.
399
00:23:33,224 --> 00:23:34,464
Oh, no.
400
00:23:40,864 --> 00:23:42,904
Hello, Janet.
401
00:23:42,904 --> 00:23:44,784
Thanks so much for coming.
402
00:23:46,984 --> 00:23:49,503
You know, you can't make me
come home, Mum.
403
00:23:49,504 --> 00:23:51,823
Oh, we don't want you to. What?
404
00:23:51,824 --> 00:23:54,103
Oh, well, of course,
you CAN come home.
405
00:23:54,104 --> 00:23:56,743
But we won't try to force you,
darling, not if you don't want to.
406
00:23:56,744 --> 00:23:59,783
Look, I think Sandra asked me
over here today,
407
00:23:59,784 --> 00:24:01,424
to talk you into coming home.
408
00:24:01,424 --> 00:24:02,744
But if you're happy here,
409
00:24:02,745 --> 00:24:06,343
I can completely understand
if you want to stay.
410
00:24:06,344 --> 00:24:08,104
Well, I was happy.
411
00:24:08,104 --> 00:24:09,344
Well, that's good.
412
00:24:09,345 --> 00:24:14,023
Look, if you want, I'll tell Sandra
that I couldn't convince you. OK?
413
00:24:14,024 --> 00:24:16,664
Anyone fancy a biscuit?
414
00:24:16,664 --> 00:24:19,184
Oh, how lovely.
415
00:24:33,584 --> 00:24:36,464
Hey. Sorry I missed your mum.
416
00:24:39,424 --> 00:24:41,503
You all right?
417
00:24:41,504 --> 00:24:45,424
No. I don't know what I'm doing.
418
00:24:45,424 --> 00:24:48,864
Your mum doesn't want me here.
My mum doesn't want me at home.
419
00:24:50,064 --> 00:24:52,664
Hey, come on.
420
00:24:55,824 --> 00:24:58,063
It'll be OK.
421
00:24:58,064 --> 00:25:01,863
You must hate me too. I called you
and your friends losers.
422
00:25:01,864 --> 00:25:05,664
It's fine, they're used to it.
No, it's not.
423
00:25:05,664 --> 00:25:08,784
And Beth's right, I'm homeless
and I'm pregnant.
424
00:25:10,504 --> 00:25:11,624
It's just...
425
00:25:13,264 --> 00:25:17,863
when I thought it was coming
and I didn't know what would happen,
426
00:25:17,864 --> 00:25:19,944
I got really scared.
427
00:25:19,944 --> 00:25:21,024
Yeah, me too.
428
00:25:23,864 --> 00:25:26,783
Pretty soon, it's actually
going to be coming
429
00:25:26,784 --> 00:25:28,663
and then, it's going to be here
430
00:25:28,664 --> 00:25:31,663
and then, what the hell
am I supposed to do?
431
00:25:31,664 --> 00:25:34,343
Oh, God, I don't know.
I really don't know.
432
00:25:34,344 --> 00:25:36,663
You're meant to be
reassuring me here.
433
00:25:36,664 --> 00:25:39,504
Could you try a bit harder, please?
Oh, I'm sorry.
434
00:25:39,504 --> 00:25:42,624
What I mean is, I don't know...
435
00:25:43,624 --> 00:25:46,384
but we'll work it out.
436
00:25:48,144 --> 00:25:49,424
Whatever happens.
437
00:26:01,424 --> 00:26:03,224
Laura love, did you bin my...?
438
00:26:03,224 --> 00:26:04,864
Oh, God! Dad!
439
00:26:06,584 --> 00:26:07,704
Oh.
440
00:26:11,704 --> 00:26:13,103
What's the matter?
441
00:26:13,104 --> 00:26:17,304
I just saw Laura and Jamie,
you know.
442
00:26:17,304 --> 00:26:18,704
What?
443
00:26:20,104 --> 00:26:21,983
No, no, just snogging.
444
00:26:21,984 --> 00:26:25,383
What did you do?
Nothing. Just closed the door.
445
00:26:25,384 --> 00:26:30,183
Why? What should I do? Well, you
can't just pretend it didn't happen.
446
00:26:30,184 --> 00:26:32,943
All right then, if you say so.
No, Keith!
447
00:26:32,944 --> 00:26:35,184
Jamie, now, I don't want
to get heavy,
448
00:26:35,184 --> 00:26:38,624
but you know what we've said about
having girls in the roo...
449
00:26:39,744 --> 00:26:42,703
Just ignore us.
Would anyone like a cup of tea?
450
00:26:42,704 --> 00:26:43,904
No. Mum!
451
00:26:43,904 --> 00:26:45,264
Sorry. Sorry.
452
00:27:00,944 --> 00:27:02,424
Bye, Sandra, thank you.
453
00:27:02,424 --> 00:27:04,224
Come back any time, love.
454
00:27:07,504 --> 00:27:10,904
Bye, Keith. Yeah. Miss you, love.
455
00:27:13,784 --> 00:27:16,944
Bye. Bye. Bye, love. Bye.
456
00:27:23,224 --> 00:27:24,744
OK, so...
457
00:27:26,024 --> 00:27:28,223
You know you don't have to go.
458
00:27:28,224 --> 00:27:32,504
I think I do.
I've probably been here long enough.
459
00:27:32,504 --> 00:27:35,664
Plus, with the kiss and everything.
Yeah, absolutely.
460
00:27:36,744 --> 00:27:38,944
We wouldn't want things to get...
Confusing?
461
00:27:38,944 --> 00:27:40,064
Exactly.
462
00:27:47,224 --> 00:27:50,744
OK, I'm going to go.
Yeah, good idea.
463
00:27:50,794 --> 00:27:55,344
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