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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,221 --> 00:00:05,831 There you are. 2 00:00:05,875 --> 00:00:07,529 Why aren't you in bed? 3 00:00:07,572 --> 00:00:11,011 I just put the moves on your pillow. 4 00:00:11,054 --> 00:00:13,926 I remembered that Emme has to do a "My Life" project for school 5 00:00:13,970 --> 00:00:15,754 and she asked for some baby pictures. 6 00:00:15,798 --> 00:00:17,321 Project, school, baby. 7 00:00:17,365 --> 00:00:19,497 These are not sexy words. 8 00:00:19,541 --> 00:00:22,065 I can't find any of Emme. 9 00:00:22,109 --> 00:00:24,894 We have a ton of the older kids. You see? 10 00:00:24,937 --> 00:00:27,549 We have Kate and Teddy, each going potty for the first time. 11 00:00:29,072 --> 00:00:31,553 Look at the boy strainin'. 12 00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:36,384 Face like a frustrated tomato. 13 00:00:36,427 --> 00:00:38,690 Well, what happened? It's like we started off 14 00:00:38,734 --> 00:00:41,345 as good parents and then we just gave up. 15 00:00:41,389 --> 00:00:45,175 Okay, let's look at it in baseball terms, okay? 16 00:00:45,219 --> 00:00:47,221 We won the first two games of the series, 17 00:00:47,264 --> 00:00:48,744 and then we phoned in the third. 18 00:00:50,224 --> 00:00:51,921 We were saving our bullpen. 19 00:00:51,964 --> 00:00:54,358 Wait a minute. Didn't I ask you to put a box 20 00:00:54,402 --> 00:00:56,578 of old baby pictures in the top of Kate's closet? 21 00:00:56,621 --> 00:01:00,103 I don't know. You tell me to put a lot of boxes a lot of places. 22 00:01:00,147 --> 00:01:01,626 Come on, help me get them down. 23 00:01:01,670 --> 00:01:03,933 Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. What if we fooled around, 24 00:01:03,976 --> 00:01:06,936 thengot the pictures?Oh, honey, 25 00:01:06,979 --> 00:01:08,198 if you're that worked up, 26 00:01:08,242 --> 00:01:09,634 just finish what you started with my pillow. 27 00:01:13,334 --> 00:01:17,425 I don't even know if your pillow likes me like that. 28 00:01:20,210 --> 00:01:22,734 [whispering]: Shh. We don't want to wake her up. 29 00:01:22,778 --> 00:01:24,432 She's our favorite. 30 00:01:24,475 --> 00:01:25,998 That's not funny. 31 00:01:34,311 --> 00:01:36,922 [whispering]: Kate. 32 00:01:36,966 --> 00:01:38,968 What are you doing? Did you sneak out? 33 00:01:39,011 --> 00:01:40,970 Why am I still whispering? 34 00:01:42,232 --> 00:01:43,407 Downstairs. Now. 35 00:01:43,451 --> 00:01:44,756 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 36 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:47,672 This is her first sneak-out. Hold on. 37 00:01:49,848 --> 00:01:52,024 Oh! It's a keeper.[chuckles]: Yeah. 38 00:01:53,374 --> 00:01:55,332 ♪ 39 00:02:03,601 --> 00:02:04,950 Kate, why would you sneak out? 40 00:02:04,994 --> 00:02:07,736 Was it boys? Booze? Boys andbooze? 41 00:02:07,779 --> 00:02:10,782 No, it wasn't like that. I-I was at Shelby's. 42 00:02:10,826 --> 00:02:12,871 We both like A55-4U. 43 00:02:12,915 --> 00:02:13,959 Wh-What is that? 44 00:02:14,003 --> 00:02:16,136 What is that? Some new drug? Huh? 45 00:02:16,179 --> 00:02:17,876 Andi, get me a frying pan and an egg. 46 00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:19,530 We're doing the "brain on drugs" thing. 47 00:02:19,574 --> 00:02:22,403 No, no, no! It's-it's a band I like. 48 00:02:22,446 --> 00:02:23,969 Okay, well, if that's true, 49 00:02:24,013 --> 00:02:25,928 why didn't you just tell us you were going out? 50 00:02:25,971 --> 00:02:28,757 Because it's a school night, and I knew Dad wouldn't let me. 51 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,585 It's like I'm in jail. 52 00:02:30,628 --> 00:02:32,804 Oh, well... 53 00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:34,589 we don't want you to feel like a prisoner. 54 00:02:34,632 --> 00:02:36,939 Yes, we do. 55 00:02:36,982 --> 00:02:39,898 This is a prison, and your sentence is 18 years. 56 00:02:39,942 --> 00:02:41,552 Hold on. 57 00:02:41,596 --> 00:02:44,294 Maybe we should hear what she has to say. 58 00:02:44,338 --> 00:02:46,731 She did her talking when she climbed out her window. 59 00:02:46,775 --> 00:02:48,559 Adam. Andi! Dad! 60 00:02:48,603 --> 00:02:50,126 You go to your room. 61 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,911 [huffs] This is so unfair! 62 00:02:52,955 --> 00:02:55,827 I was just listening to music! 63 00:02:55,871 --> 00:02:57,307 Katie stomping up the stairs-- 64 00:02:57,351 --> 00:02:59,396 that's music welisten to every day! 65 00:03:00,484 --> 00:03:02,051 Hilarious! 66 00:03:03,531 --> 00:03:04,836 Adam. 67 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:06,838 Wait for the door slam. 68 00:03:06,882 --> 00:03:09,232 [door slams] 69 00:03:09,276 --> 00:03:10,973 What are you doing?What are youdoing? 70 00:03:11,016 --> 00:03:13,062 I am thinking about our daughter, okay? 71 00:03:13,105 --> 00:03:15,064 Caring about how your children feel 72 00:03:15,107 --> 00:03:17,153 is part of being a modern parent. 73 00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:19,982 Oh, modern parenting is ruining our country. 74 00:03:20,025 --> 00:03:21,375 Okay? We coddle 75 00:03:21,418 --> 00:03:25,117 our kids so that everyone thinks they're special. 76 00:03:25,161 --> 00:03:28,469 You know who was special? Mary Lou Retton. 77 00:03:28,512 --> 00:03:30,514 Oh, this is gonna take a while. 78 00:03:30,558 --> 00:03:32,386 Yeah. Settle in. 79 00:03:32,429 --> 00:03:34,214 Did Mary Lou Retton get a hug 80 00:03:34,257 --> 00:03:36,390 when she fell off the balance beam? 81 00:03:36,433 --> 00:03:40,350 No. She got screamed at by an angry, old Romanian. 82 00:03:41,482 --> 00:03:43,440 So she dug deep and won the gold. 83 00:03:43,484 --> 00:03:45,137 Well, maybe Mary Lou would've been happier 84 00:03:45,181 --> 00:03:47,009 if she'd gotten a few more hugs.Uh-huh, yeah. 85 00:03:47,052 --> 00:03:49,011 You know what feels better than a hug? 86 00:03:49,054 --> 00:03:50,882 Kicking Russia's ass in gymnastics! 87 00:03:52,754 --> 00:03:54,538 And while I feel like I have the upper hand, 88 00:03:54,582 --> 00:03:55,974 there's something else I want to say 89 00:03:56,018 --> 00:03:57,889 that I have been holding in for a long time. 90 00:03:57,933 --> 00:03:59,935 This all goes back 91 00:03:59,978 --> 00:04:01,284 to sleep training. 92 00:04:01,328 --> 00:04:04,592 Oh, my God. That was 15 years ago! 93 00:04:04,635 --> 00:04:06,115 Since the beginning of time, 94 00:04:06,158 --> 00:04:09,292 kids have figured out how to go to sleep. 95 00:04:09,336 --> 00:04:12,208 They cried until they got bored, and when no one came in, 96 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,209 they nodded off. 97 00:04:14,384 --> 00:04:16,647 And those cave kids were so well-rested, 98 00:04:16,691 --> 00:04:18,170 they invented fire! 99 00:04:20,172 --> 00:04:22,871 But then, in the year 2003, 100 00:04:22,914 --> 00:04:26,962 some parents decided that they knew better. 101 00:04:28,398 --> 00:04:31,445 And those parents... are sitting on our couch. 102 00:04:33,708 --> 00:04:35,840 I know we agreed to let Kate cry it out, 103 00:04:35,884 --> 00:04:37,015 but I couldn't do it. 104 00:04:37,059 --> 00:04:38,408 All right? 105 00:04:38,452 --> 00:04:40,236 And when I picked her up, she loved me so much. 106 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,238 Well, I hope it was worth it. 107 00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,371 Because I can draw a direct line 108 00:04:44,414 --> 00:04:45,633 between you picking Katie up 109 00:04:45,676 --> 00:04:47,678 to her climbing through a window. 110 00:04:47,722 --> 00:04:50,899 Modern parenting. 111 00:04:50,942 --> 00:04:53,815 Well, I don't want our kids sneaking out. 112 00:04:53,858 --> 00:04:55,251 I don't know. 113 00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:59,037 Maybe-- maybe-- I've been too easy on her. 114 00:04:59,081 --> 00:04:59,908 Yes. 115 00:04:59,951 --> 00:05:02,389 And maybe-- maybe-- 116 00:05:02,432 --> 00:05:05,435 we need to shake things up, get this thing back on track. 117 00:05:05,479 --> 00:05:06,958 No, I-I can see that. 118 00:05:07,002 --> 00:05:09,570 I mean, you know, somewhere between cave kids 119 00:05:09,613 --> 00:05:12,094 and angry Romanians, you made a good point. 120 00:05:13,225 --> 00:05:15,619 Okay. You're in charge. 121 00:05:15,663 --> 00:05:17,142 Really? 122 00:05:17,186 --> 00:05:19,101 Yeah. What do you want to do? 123 00:05:19,144 --> 00:05:21,277 I have dreamed about this moment. 124 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,758 Okay, first of all, no more modern. 125 00:05:23,801 --> 00:05:26,369 We are going old school. Shock and awe. 126 00:05:26,413 --> 00:05:28,415 Huh? But you got to back me up. 127 00:05:28,458 --> 00:05:29,807 Oh, you-you have my word. 128 00:05:29,851 --> 00:05:31,505 I won't even give her the pizza bagel I made 129 00:05:31,548 --> 00:05:32,941 'cause she was hungry from sneaking out. 130 00:05:32,984 --> 00:05:35,726 [timer dings]I'll take it. Dads eat first. 131 00:05:37,075 --> 00:05:38,468 That's old school. 132 00:05:40,383 --> 00:05:42,124 ANDI: So, Emme, 133 00:05:42,167 --> 00:05:43,299 obviously, I took 134 00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:44,692 a million baby pictures of you, 135 00:05:44,735 --> 00:05:46,476 but I can't find any of them 136 00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:48,478 because your old babysitter stole them. 137 00:05:49,523 --> 00:05:51,133 Yeah, yeah, she, uh, 138 00:05:51,176 --> 00:05:52,830 she-she sent them to a modeling agency 139 00:05:52,874 --> 00:05:54,179 since you're so darn cute. 140 00:05:56,181 --> 00:05:58,009 But don't try to track those pictures down. 141 00:05:58,053 --> 00:06:02,710 That modeling agency was swallowed by a giant whale. 142 00:06:02,753 --> 00:06:04,102 Uh-huh. 143 00:06:05,147 --> 00:06:07,149 So, for your school project, 144 00:06:07,192 --> 00:06:08,803 we are going to... 145 00:06:08,846 --> 00:06:11,501 fake a baby picture.Pop in this binky, 146 00:06:11,545 --> 00:06:13,895 and we'll take one from far away so you look small. 147 00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:19,117 KATE: Oh, my God! Mom! 148 00:06:19,161 --> 00:06:22,120 Dad took my door! 149 00:06:23,252 --> 00:06:25,036 Welcome to the old school. 150 00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:26,473 Katie, you have shown 151 00:06:26,516 --> 00:06:27,517 that you can't be trusted. 152 00:06:27,561 --> 00:06:28,823 This way, 153 00:06:28,866 --> 00:06:30,694 I can keep track of your every move. 154 00:06:30,738 --> 00:06:33,697 Plus, what are you gonna slam now, Slammy Davis Jr.? 155 00:06:41,226 --> 00:06:43,403 Why do we have so many doors? 156 00:06:44,534 --> 00:06:46,318 This seems hard. Have you considered 157 00:06:46,362 --> 00:06:48,886 just letting it be her boyfriend's problem someday? 158 00:06:52,063 --> 00:06:54,718 [Kate laughing]Oh-ho-ho-ho. 159 00:06:54,762 --> 00:06:58,069 [Kate continues laughing][mock chuckling] 160 00:07:01,856 --> 00:07:03,858 What are you doing? 161 00:07:03,901 --> 00:07:06,251 Katie is in her closet laughing it up 162 00:07:06,295 --> 00:07:08,210 with her friend on the phone. 163 00:07:08,253 --> 00:07:10,430 She is in trouble. Why is she laughing? 164 00:07:10,473 --> 00:07:11,648 Well...I'll tell you why. 165 00:07:11,692 --> 00:07:13,563 Okay, you go. 166 00:07:13,607 --> 00:07:15,260 Modern parenting. 167 00:07:17,698 --> 00:07:19,917 Oh, that's it? 168 00:07:19,961 --> 00:07:21,876 I thought you were gonna talk for ten minutes again, 169 00:07:21,919 --> 00:07:24,400 and I was gonna go grab a granola bar for sustenance. 170 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,489 She doesn't get to be happy. 171 00:07:26,533 --> 00:07:28,709 In old school, no one is happy. 172 00:07:28,752 --> 00:07:32,234 Look at any old-timey picture. Miserable! 173 00:07:32,277 --> 00:07:33,496 Mm. 174 00:07:34,932 --> 00:07:36,934 [Katie continues laughing] 175 00:07:36,978 --> 00:07:38,458 Eh-eh-eh? 176 00:07:40,895 --> 00:07:41,765 Busted. 177 00:07:41,809 --> 00:07:42,940 For what? 178 00:07:42,984 --> 00:07:45,552 Excessive laughing. 179 00:07:45,595 --> 00:07:47,989 You just lost your closet door, missy. 180 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:52,123 Andi, get my tools. 181 00:07:52,167 --> 00:07:53,777 Why don't you just take her phone? 182 00:07:53,821 --> 00:07:55,257 That's smarter. 183 00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:56,737 And meaner. [chuckles] 184 00:07:56,780 --> 00:07:59,087 You just lost your phone, missy. 185 00:07:59,130 --> 00:08:00,915 [sighs] 186 00:08:00,958 --> 00:08:03,918 She'll call you back in a few years. 187 00:08:03,961 --> 00:08:05,354 [chuckles]Wait, hold on. 188 00:08:05,397 --> 00:08:08,270 I need that. I'm doing a group project for Spanish. 189 00:08:08,313 --> 00:08:11,012 Oh. Okay, well, if it's for school, 190 00:08:11,055 --> 00:08:13,405 you can have a phone. I'm reasonable. 191 00:08:13,449 --> 00:08:15,843 I'm not reasonable. 192 00:08:15,886 --> 00:08:17,584 Enjoy your new phone. 193 00:08:18,933 --> 00:08:21,631 It's so old; is it for talking to dead people? 194 00:08:23,328 --> 00:08:24,982 From now on, this... 195 00:08:25,026 --> 00:08:27,419 is the only phone you are allowed to use. 196 00:08:27,463 --> 00:08:31,075 AndI can keep an eye on you, because you can only go as far 197 00:08:31,119 --> 00:08:33,513 as the cord will reach. [chuckles] 198 00:08:39,475 --> 00:08:41,956 I got to make that cord shorter. 199 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,525 Where'd you even get that thing? 200 00:08:46,743 --> 00:08:47,831 Where's our phone? 201 00:08:48,876 --> 00:08:50,399 Adam said he needed it. 202 00:08:50,442 --> 00:08:52,619 He better not be calling long distance. 203 00:08:53,794 --> 00:08:55,447 KATE: So, I'll start the presentation 204 00:08:55,491 --> 00:08:59,408 by saying, "La historia de los conquistadores 205 00:08:59,451 --> 00:09:01,541 es muy fascinante." 206 00:09:03,455 --> 00:09:05,414 Enjoying your breakfast? 207 00:09:05,457 --> 00:09:09,549 I know this is annoying, but it is all gonna pay off. 208 00:09:15,337 --> 00:09:16,599 Spoon? 209 00:09:16,643 --> 00:09:19,297 Thank you. [chuckles] 210 00:09:19,341 --> 00:09:22,344 And then you'll say, "Yo no sabia eso." 211 00:09:22,387 --> 00:09:23,780 I'll bet she's saying curse words. 212 00:09:23,824 --> 00:09:24,999 She's real mad at you. 213 00:09:25,042 --> 00:09:27,001 Good. By the way, 214 00:09:27,044 --> 00:09:29,830 part of our old-school rules, kids clean up after themselves. 215 00:09:29,873 --> 00:09:32,659 Can you please put your dirty glass in the sink? 216 00:09:32,702 --> 00:09:33,747 Happy to. 217 00:09:33,790 --> 00:09:35,487 Mm-hmm. 218 00:09:35,531 --> 00:09:37,794 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 219 00:09:37,838 --> 00:09:39,709 I will clear the table. 220 00:09:41,537 --> 00:09:43,104 Yeah, that's good. 221 00:09:43,147 --> 00:09:45,628 And then I'll say, 222 00:09:45,672 --> 00:09:50,720 "Los conquistadores eran guerreros viciosos." 223 00:09:54,550 --> 00:09:55,856 All right. 224 00:09:55,899 --> 00:09:57,988 Katie, honey... [chuckles] 225 00:09:58,032 --> 00:10:00,382 let me show you something. 226 00:10:00,425 --> 00:10:01,731 [chuckling] 227 00:10:04,821 --> 00:10:07,041 Adam, do we have a... 228 00:10:07,084 --> 00:10:10,522 time frame on how long this is gonna take? 229 00:10:10,566 --> 00:10:12,873 I mean, when do we know we won? 230 00:10:12,916 --> 00:10:16,224 When she says, "I was wrong. You were right. I'm sorry." 231 00:10:16,267 --> 00:10:19,575 You know, that thing I always end up saying to you. 232 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,403 But you're so good at it. 233 00:10:21,446 --> 00:10:24,406 Practice does make perfect. 234 00:10:24,449 --> 00:10:28,845 Kate was outside speaking Spanish into my telephone. 235 00:10:28,889 --> 00:10:31,674 If that was an international call, you're paying for it. 236 00:10:33,850 --> 00:10:36,548 Hey, Dad, you're gonna love this. 237 00:10:36,592 --> 00:10:38,072 Since we caught Katie sneaking out, 238 00:10:38,115 --> 00:10:40,422 I have been making her life miserable 239 00:10:40,465 --> 00:10:42,859 with some tough, old-school parenting. 240 00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:44,687 Oh, really giving her the business, huh? 241 00:10:44,731 --> 00:10:46,515 Oh, I am locked in. 242 00:10:46,558 --> 00:10:50,084 I was up all night thinking of different ways to bum Katie out. 243 00:10:50,127 --> 00:10:51,563 So you're turning your life upside down 244 00:10:51,607 --> 00:10:54,175 to teach a kid a lesson?Yeah. [chuckles] 245 00:10:54,218 --> 00:10:57,091 That's the furthest thing from old school I've ever heard. 246 00:10:57,134 --> 00:10:59,833 What? What? You don't get it. 247 00:10:59,876 --> 00:11:02,444 I took Katie's bedroom door. 248 00:11:02,487 --> 00:11:06,361 A door is like a teenager's favorite thing, and I took it! 249 00:11:06,404 --> 00:11:09,756 That is stone-cold old. 250 00:11:09,799 --> 00:11:11,322 Son, when you were a kid, 251 00:11:11,366 --> 00:11:13,847 I didn't even know if you had a door. 252 00:11:13,890 --> 00:11:16,153 That'sold school. 253 00:11:16,197 --> 00:11:18,547 We believed in fresh air for kids. 254 00:11:18,590 --> 00:11:21,942 Every morning, we just put you outside like a milk bottle. 255 00:11:21,985 --> 00:11:23,987 What? 256 00:11:26,033 --> 00:11:28,862 Oh, no. 257 00:11:28,905 --> 00:11:32,561 Adam, what's wrong, honey? Are...? Oh. 258 00:11:32,604 --> 00:11:35,520 Are-are you sad 'cause your dad didn't know if you had a door? 259 00:11:35,564 --> 00:11:38,959 What? It's worse than that. 260 00:11:39,002 --> 00:11:40,961 I'm a modern parent. 261 00:11:41,004 --> 00:11:42,789 Bev, he seems upset. 262 00:11:42,832 --> 00:11:45,705 Give him one of your muscle relaxers. 263 00:11:52,102 --> 00:11:53,713 I can't believe this. I'm so modern, 264 00:11:53,756 --> 00:11:55,802 I don't even know what old school is anymore. 265 00:11:55,845 --> 00:11:58,369 I'm like a cat wearing a dog costume. 266 00:12:00,197 --> 00:12:01,503 Well, you've always been sensitive. 267 00:12:01,546 --> 00:12:02,330 Remember that time 268 00:12:02,373 --> 00:12:03,810 you stood in front of 269 00:12:03,853 --> 00:12:05,550 the lobster tank crying? 270 00:12:05,594 --> 00:12:07,335 I was six. 271 00:12:07,378 --> 00:12:09,380 You told me to pick my favorite one. 272 00:12:09,424 --> 00:12:12,296 I didn't know what was gonna happen next. 273 00:12:12,340 --> 00:12:15,604 They put the bib on him, and all hell broke loose.Yeah. 274 00:12:16,997 --> 00:12:18,172 Well, don't beat yourself up. 275 00:12:18,215 --> 00:12:19,826 I mean, you're not so modern. 276 00:12:19,869 --> 00:12:22,567 You still hose down the driveway in your bathrobe. 277 00:12:22,611 --> 00:12:25,875 That's just to give the neighbor ladies a thrill. 278 00:12:25,919 --> 00:12:28,399 Hey, 279 00:12:28,443 --> 00:12:31,315 Grandma, do you have that baby picture for my project? 280 00:12:31,359 --> 00:12:33,187 I sure do, honey. 281 00:12:33,230 --> 00:12:35,015 There you go.Thanks. 282 00:12:35,058 --> 00:12:36,756 Hmm. Wow. 283 00:12:36,799 --> 00:12:39,062 Did you see that? We didn't have 284 00:12:39,106 --> 00:12:40,716 what Emme needed, so she asked Bev. 285 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:41,804 She's resourceful. 286 00:12:43,066 --> 00:12:44,589 Yeah, we raised her right.Yeah. 287 00:12:44,633 --> 00:12:45,982 She's the one we raised the least. 288 00:12:49,943 --> 00:12:51,988 That's true. 289 00:12:52,032 --> 00:12:55,687 We did the best job with Emme by barely doing the job at all. 290 00:12:56,906 --> 00:12:59,300 That's what we should be doing with Katie. 291 00:12:59,343 --> 00:13:02,259 Back off and let life teach her some lessons. 292 00:13:02,303 --> 00:13:04,348 Oh, I like it. I can really 293 00:13:04,392 --> 00:13:06,394 get behind that, instead of fake getting behind 294 00:13:06,437 --> 00:13:07,874 what you were doing before. 295 00:13:07,917 --> 00:13:11,399 Yes, you can, because I re-figured this out. 296 00:13:11,442 --> 00:13:14,445 I thought I was old school, but I was really new school. 297 00:13:14,489 --> 00:13:18,623 Now I need to go oldold school. 298 00:13:18,667 --> 00:13:20,451 You already talked more about this 299 00:13:20,495 --> 00:13:22,758 than I've talked about you in your entire life. 300 00:13:24,934 --> 00:13:26,718 I keep looking for a way to leave, 301 00:13:26,762 --> 00:13:27,937 but he just won't stop.Yeah. 302 00:13:29,069 --> 00:13:30,461 You know what? 303 00:13:30,505 --> 00:13:32,681 Keep the phone. Life's too short. 304 00:13:36,467 --> 00:13:38,121 Your mother and I have decided to go 305 00:13:38,165 --> 00:13:39,819 with a different punishment. 306 00:13:39,862 --> 00:13:41,429 From now on, we're gonna give you morefreedom. 307 00:13:41,472 --> 00:13:43,257 How do you feel about that? 308 00:13:43,300 --> 00:13:45,607 I... like it?Hmm. 309 00:13:45,650 --> 00:13:47,652 Well, you won't for long, 310 00:13:47,696 --> 00:13:49,959 because in real life, there's consequences. 311 00:13:50,003 --> 00:13:51,831 Yeah, you think we're tough? 312 00:13:51,874 --> 00:13:53,963 Life's a real son of a gun. 313 00:13:54,007 --> 00:13:57,662 Yes, it is, so good luck running your own life. 314 00:13:57,706 --> 00:13:59,839 Cool. I'm going to a concert Thursday night. 315 00:13:59,882 --> 00:14:02,276 What?Andi, that's her decision. 316 00:14:02,319 --> 00:14:05,192 Yeah, but that's a school night. Mm-mm-mm. 317 00:14:05,235 --> 00:14:07,107 You know, for your first choice, 318 00:14:07,150 --> 00:14:08,891 I was expecting...Mm-mm-mm. 319 00:14:08,935 --> 00:14:11,111 ...something small, like, you know, 320 00:14:11,154 --> 00:14:13,243 swimming right after you eat. 321 00:14:13,287 --> 00:14:15,289 But I can still go, right? 322 00:14:15,332 --> 00:14:16,246 Absolutely. 323 00:14:16,290 --> 00:14:17,465 And on Friday morning, 324 00:14:17,508 --> 00:14:19,206 when you're too tired 325 00:14:19,249 --> 00:14:21,469 to learn anything at school, and you don't get into college, 326 00:14:21,512 --> 00:14:23,950 and you end up a milky-eyed drifter, that's on you. 327 00:14:23,993 --> 00:14:26,343 Enjoy sleeping in a boxcar. 328 00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,740 ADAM: Come on! 329 00:14:31,783 --> 00:14:34,177 This guy's climbing a jungle gym. 330 00:14:34,221 --> 00:14:38,094 He does not deserve the title of "ninja warrior." 331 00:14:38,138 --> 00:14:40,314 Adam, I don't like this. 332 00:14:40,357 --> 00:14:42,925 I mean, Kate is at a concert on a school night. 333 00:14:42,969 --> 00:14:44,535 I mean, what's she doing? Is she dancing? 334 00:14:44,579 --> 00:14:46,494 Is she vaping? What's vaping? I... 335 00:14:46,537 --> 00:14:48,496 Stay strong. 336 00:14:48,539 --> 00:14:49,976 Remember Emme? 337 00:14:50,019 --> 00:14:51,934 I mean, remember how we didn't remember Emme? 338 00:14:51,978 --> 00:14:54,850 Lady Gaga would say she was just born that way. 339 00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:58,636 I don't care what the Lady of Gaga says. 340 00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:03,163 I am Adam of Pittsburgh, and I say we need to back off 341 00:15:03,206 --> 00:15:05,861 and let Katie learn about consequences. 342 00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:07,819 Okay. 343 00:15:07,863 --> 00:15:10,692 But maybe I'll just google the band to see 344 00:15:10,735 --> 00:15:12,694 if there's any news stories from the venue. 345 00:15:12,737 --> 00:15:14,957 You do what you need to do. I want no part of it.Okay. 346 00:15:15,001 --> 00:15:17,699 Oh, hey, what was the name of that band again? 347 00:15:17,742 --> 00:15:19,701 It was a bunch of letters and numbers. 348 00:15:19,744 --> 00:15:21,616 I could do this. 349 00:15:21,659 --> 00:15:23,096 I should try out for this. 350 00:15:23,139 --> 00:15:24,706 Oh, hey. 351 00:15:24,749 --> 00:15:26,186 Emme, honey, do you remember the name 352 00:15:26,229 --> 00:15:28,014 of that band that Kate likes? 353 00:15:28,057 --> 00:15:29,450 Yeah, it's A55-4U. 354 00:15:29,493 --> 00:15:30,886 Ah. 355 00:15:32,235 --> 00:15:34,890 God, Emme's great. 356 00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:39,547 A55-4U. Huh. 357 00:15:39,590 --> 00:15:41,157 What does that even mean? 358 00:15:41,201 --> 00:15:45,814 You know, when we were kids, bands had names that made sense. 359 00:15:45,857 --> 00:15:49,165 Like... Men Without Hats. 360 00:15:49,209 --> 00:15:54,214 You knew what they were, and you knew what their problem was. 361 00:15:54,257 --> 00:15:56,216 Wait, wait, wait. Look at this.Mm. 362 00:15:56,259 --> 00:15:59,306 When I typed it out, the two fives look like S's. 363 00:15:59,349 --> 00:16:03,571 "A55-4U" is really... "Ass-For-You." 364 00:16:03,614 --> 00:16:05,703 Oh, we're gonna lose the next war. 365 00:16:07,792 --> 00:16:10,752 Okay, well, there's no bad news from tonight's 366 00:16:10,795 --> 00:16:14,930 Ass-For-You concert at... Obermeyer College? 367 00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:17,324 What? The concert's at a college? 368 00:16:17,367 --> 00:16:18,934 Where college boys are? 369 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:20,936 Yeah, and-and their college-boy beds. 370 00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:23,504 That's the thing about college boys-- they have beds! 371 00:16:23,547 --> 00:16:25,680 Yeah.The hell with this. I'm calling her. 372 00:16:25,723 --> 00:16:27,421 [sighs] 373 00:16:27,464 --> 00:16:30,119 [phone ringing] 374 00:16:34,515 --> 00:16:36,821 You didn't give her back her phone? 375 00:16:36,865 --> 00:16:38,432 You didn't remind me to give her back her phone! 376 00:16:38,475 --> 00:16:39,781 You didn't tell me to remind you to give her back her phone! 377 00:16:39,824 --> 00:16:42,262 This consequen-- [shouts] 378 00:16:42,305 --> 00:16:44,438 This consequences thing is happening to us! 379 00:16:44,481 --> 00:16:46,788 Life isa son of a gun! 380 00:16:46,831 --> 00:16:48,442 We-we have to go get her. 381 00:16:48,485 --> 00:16:50,270 Yeah, okay. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 382 00:16:50,313 --> 00:16:51,836 If we go down there, 383 00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:53,795 she'll know we couldn't old-school her, either. 384 00:16:53,838 --> 00:16:55,971 [sighs]Okay. 385 00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:59,496 What if we send someone else down there to go check on her? 386 00:16:59,540 --> 00:17:03,326 Way to find a loophole, baby! 387 00:17:03,370 --> 00:17:06,155 But what kind of weirdo grown-ups do we know 388 00:17:06,199 --> 00:17:09,985 that would drop everything to go to an Ass-For-You concert? 389 00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,552 [music playing]Thanks for the tickets, Adam. 390 00:17:11,595 --> 00:17:13,510 Ass-For-You is my workout jam. 391 00:17:13,554 --> 00:17:15,860 Lowell, have you seen Katie? 392 00:17:15,904 --> 00:17:16,687 Not yet. 393 00:17:16,731 --> 00:17:18,080 Put Don on the phone. 394 00:17:18,124 --> 00:17:19,647 Oh, good idea. He'll spot her. 395 00:17:19,690 --> 00:17:21,257 He's so tall, he can see everything. 396 00:17:21,301 --> 00:17:22,519 He's like Google Earth. 397 00:17:24,217 --> 00:17:25,696 Go for Don. 398 00:17:25,740 --> 00:17:27,133 Any sign of Katie? 399 00:17:27,176 --> 00:17:29,309 No dice. I even stood outside the girl's bathroom 400 00:17:29,352 --> 00:17:32,355 for a half hour until security told me to move along. 401 00:17:32,399 --> 00:17:33,704 We need to find Katie! 402 00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:34,966 Don't worry, brother. 403 00:17:35,010 --> 00:17:37,186 You got the right two guys on this mission. 404 00:17:37,230 --> 00:17:40,015 Lowell?! 405 00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:41,364 I-I'll tell you what. 406 00:17:41,408 --> 00:17:43,236 I'll find Lowell first, and then I'll find Katie. 407 00:17:45,890 --> 00:17:47,805 Adam, I'm worried. 408 00:17:47,849 --> 00:17:49,633 And I love you enough to tell you 409 00:17:49,677 --> 00:17:52,462 that if anything happens to her, the media is gonna blame you, 410 00:17:52,506 --> 00:17:54,986 and I am not gonna be that wife that sticks up for you. 411 00:17:55,030 --> 00:17:57,467 Screw it. Let's go get our girl. 412 00:17:57,511 --> 00:17:58,947 Oh, yeah. 413 00:17:58,990 --> 00:18:00,383 And after all that modern parenting, 414 00:18:00,427 --> 00:18:02,037 Kate can't survive on her own. Yeah. 415 00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:03,517 She's like a monkey raised in captivity. 416 00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:04,909 Yeah, we can't set her free now. 417 00:18:04,953 --> 00:18:06,389 She'll never find her own bananas! 418 00:18:07,869 --> 00:18:10,350 [gasps] Ah! Our monkey's safe! 419 00:18:10,393 --> 00:18:13,309 Oh, you came home. I'm so proud of you.Oh. 420 00:18:13,353 --> 00:18:15,224 You are? Yeah. 421 00:18:15,268 --> 00:18:17,705 Yeah, you realized that going to a concert 422 00:18:17,748 --> 00:18:20,490 on a school night was not smart. 423 00:18:20,534 --> 00:18:21,839 Old school works. [chuckles] 424 00:18:21,883 --> 00:18:23,232 No, I still 425 00:18:23,276 --> 00:18:24,538 wanted to go to the concert, 426 00:18:24,581 --> 00:18:26,192 but no one else was allowed to go. 427 00:18:26,235 --> 00:18:27,889 The other parents think you guys are crazy. 428 00:18:27,932 --> 00:18:30,021 I'd expect some angry calls. 429 00:18:30,065 --> 00:18:33,242 Oh. So you didn't learn any lessons? 430 00:18:33,286 --> 00:18:35,070 Not as far as I know. 431 00:18:37,725 --> 00:18:40,902 Don't look at me. I wanted to hug her. 432 00:18:40,945 --> 00:18:44,775 So, what happens now? Can I still do whatever I want? 433 00:18:44,819 --> 00:18:46,690 Huh. 434 00:18:46,734 --> 00:18:50,041 Yeah, that's what I think: huh. 435 00:18:50,085 --> 00:18:51,956 That's a confusing answer. 436 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:54,089 It sure is. 437 00:18:55,090 --> 00:18:56,396 And it's supposed to be, 438 00:18:56,439 --> 00:18:59,268 because that was our plan all along. 439 00:19:01,096 --> 00:19:04,360 That's right. All along, we had a plan. 440 00:19:04,404 --> 00:19:05,753 Yeah. We wanted to keep you guessing 441 00:19:05,796 --> 00:19:09,626 by veering wildly from crazy strict to super easy. 442 00:19:09,670 --> 00:19:11,672 Crazy strict, super easy. 443 00:19:11,715 --> 00:19:13,369 Where are we? You don't know. 444 00:19:13,413 --> 00:19:14,892 Yeah. You... 445 00:19:14,936 --> 00:19:16,503 are in the hands of masters here. 446 00:19:16,546 --> 00:19:18,200 Ha! Masters! 447 00:19:18,244 --> 00:19:21,160 Yeah, so go to your room. And do whatever you want. 448 00:19:23,945 --> 00:19:26,121 [both laugh] 449 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,992 BOTH: I... I don't know. 450 00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:35,739 Well, we squeaked through that one. Yeah. 451 00:19:35,783 --> 00:19:37,915 If she hadn't come home, we would've gone to get her. 452 00:19:37,959 --> 00:19:40,396 Yeah. We're not new school, or old school, 453 00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:42,137 or oldold school. 454 00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:43,965 We got expelled from every school. 455 00:19:44,008 --> 00:19:46,010 [scoffs] 456 00:19:46,054 --> 00:19:49,362 We have no power because we love 'em too much.Mm. 457 00:19:49,405 --> 00:19:52,060 You know, kids-- they lock you in early with their cuteness, 458 00:19:52,103 --> 00:19:54,454 and then you're screwed.[scoffs] 459 00:19:54,497 --> 00:19:58,893 So, how do you control someone you love? 460 00:19:58,936 --> 00:20:02,375 Wait. How did you get me to go see Mamma Mia on Ice? 461 00:20:02,418 --> 00:20:05,116 I locked you in early with my cuteness, 462 00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:07,206 and now you're screwed. 463 00:20:08,685 --> 00:20:10,818 Ah, so I guess we just white-knuckle it 464 00:20:10,861 --> 00:20:12,341 till Katie's out of the house. 465 00:20:12,385 --> 00:20:14,952 Mm, maybe we let her be her boyfriend's problem, 466 00:20:14,996 --> 00:20:17,041 go with Don's solution. 467 00:20:17,085 --> 00:20:20,393 Scary times. 468 00:20:20,436 --> 00:20:23,831 Hey, party people. 469 00:20:23,874 --> 00:20:25,876 Lowell, what happened? Are you okay? 470 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:28,488 It was the greatest night of my life. 471 00:20:28,531 --> 00:20:30,533 I got swept up in the crowd, 472 00:20:30,577 --> 00:20:32,274 and someone gave me a breath mint 473 00:20:32,318 --> 00:20:34,668 that made me love everybody. 474 00:20:37,192 --> 00:20:39,499 Good night, Mom. Good night, Dad. 475 00:20:39,542 --> 00:20:41,414 You guys, look. 476 00:20:41,457 --> 00:20:43,242 [whispers]: I found Kate. 477 00:20:49,335 --> 00:20:53,295 Captioning sponsored by CBS 478 00:20:53,339 --> 00:20:55,341 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 32654

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