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1
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.
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00:00:04,395 --> 00:00:07,703
- "Will & Grace" is shot
before a live studio audience.
3
00:00:07,746 --> 00:00:09,139
- This is exciting.
4
00:00:09,183 --> 00:00:11,228
You and me,
biking to work together.
5
00:00:11,272 --> 00:00:12,838
Why didn't we do this sooner?
6
00:00:12,882 --> 00:00:16,320
- Well, A: We've never
worked near each other before.
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00:00:16,364 --> 00:00:18,235
And B: You're afraid of
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00:00:18,279 --> 00:00:22,587
the truth-revealing properties
of Spandex.
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00:00:22,631 --> 00:00:25,329
- Speaking of which, what do
you have in your bike shorts?
10
00:00:25,373 --> 00:00:29,725
- You've been dying
to ask that for 30 years.
11
00:00:35,078 --> 00:00:37,776
I packed a banana for later.
12
00:00:37,820 --> 00:00:39,952
But guess what?
13
00:00:39,996 --> 00:00:43,260
I'm hungry now.
14
00:00:46,220 --> 00:00:49,745
You want a peach?
15
00:00:50,615 --> 00:00:54,532
- It's quite the fruit basket
you've got there.
16
00:00:54,576 --> 00:00:56,708
You know the best part
about teaching?
17
00:00:56,752 --> 00:00:58,101
I can ride my bike to work,
18
00:00:58,145 --> 00:01:00,060
'cause I don't have to
get all dressed up.
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00:01:00,103 --> 00:01:02,453
- Or is the best part that
you're in a position of power
20
00:01:02,497 --> 00:01:04,716
and there's all these
hot, young guys around
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00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:06,370
and if you ask them out
they have to say yes
22
00:01:06,414 --> 00:01:08,764
or you'd fail them?
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00:01:08,807 --> 00:01:10,418
- You do understand
the difference between
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00:01:10,461 --> 00:01:14,422
a law school and a porno
set in a law school, right?
25
00:01:14,465 --> 00:01:17,120
- Come on, there isn't
one teacher you wouldn't mind
26
00:01:17,164 --> 00:01:18,904
swapping briefs with?
27
00:01:18,948 --> 00:01:21,646
- Well, there's
this one guy Paul,
28
00:01:21,690 --> 00:01:23,126
teaches civil procedure.
29
00:01:23,170 --> 00:01:24,823
He's been kind of
giving me a vibe lately.
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00:01:24,867 --> 00:01:29,611
- Okay, okay, so he's
a chubby chaser, that's good.
31
00:01:31,961 --> 00:01:34,659
- No, hooking up
with a coworker?
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00:01:34,703 --> 00:01:38,968
It's frowned upon.
- It's frowned upon?
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00:01:39,011 --> 00:01:42,928
Heavens no.
34
00:01:42,972 --> 00:01:45,235
Stop playing it so safe.
35
00:01:45,279 --> 00:01:48,847
You're in your early hundreds.
36
00:01:48,891 --> 00:01:53,243
Take a risk for once.
- I take risks.
37
00:01:53,287 --> 00:01:55,115
He is pretty cute.
Maybe you're right.
38
00:01:55,158 --> 00:01:56,420
- Have I ever been wrong?
39
00:01:56,464 --> 00:01:59,771
- Except always, almost never.
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00:01:59,815 --> 00:02:01,599
- Exactly.
41
00:02:01,643 --> 00:02:04,733
Shall we?
- We shall.
42
00:02:04,776 --> 00:02:07,475
[footsteps clacking]
43
00:02:10,260 --> 00:02:12,306
[footsteps clack]
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00:02:12,828 --> 00:02:15,831
[footsteps clacking]
45
00:02:22,664 --> 00:02:24,753
[rhythmic clacking]
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00:02:31,194 --> 00:02:33,588
- Six, seven, now.
[footsteps clacking]
47
00:02:33,631 --> 00:02:36,808
[upbeat trumpet
and piano music]
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00:02:36,852 --> 00:02:43,859
♪
49
00:02:45,295 --> 00:02:47,428
- Look, Melania,
I really appreciate
50
00:02:47,471 --> 00:02:48,646
you thinking of me,
51
00:02:48,690 --> 00:02:51,171
and this guy sounds great, but
52
00:02:51,214 --> 00:02:53,173
I'm not ready to start dating.
53
00:02:53,216 --> 00:02:55,740
I just got a divorce, and--
54
00:02:55,784 --> 00:02:57,220
No, it's super easy.
55
00:02:57,264 --> 00:03:00,310
You just have to
sign a few papers.
56
00:03:00,354 --> 00:03:02,617
Yeah, yeah,
I'll shoot you his info.
57
00:03:02,660 --> 00:03:03,618
Okay.
58
00:03:03,661 --> 00:03:06,316
Be best, girl.
[phone beeps]
59
00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:10,320
That was your First Lady
trying to fix me up again.
60
00:03:10,364 --> 00:03:14,237
- Not sure we really trust
her taste in men.
61
00:03:14,281 --> 00:03:18,459
- Like she had a choice.
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00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:21,288
- Maybe you should think
about getting back out there.
63
00:03:21,331 --> 00:03:24,029
- I'm not ready.
- Who is?
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00:03:24,073 --> 00:03:26,336
Do you think I was ready
the first time I had sex
65
00:03:26,380 --> 00:03:27,598
after Leo and I divorced?
66
00:03:27,642 --> 00:03:28,991
- Oh, huh, how about that?
67
00:03:29,034 --> 00:03:32,473
Only took 45 seconds
to make it about you.
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00:03:32,516 --> 00:03:36,433
- I am not making it about me.
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00:03:36,477 --> 00:03:39,088
So I was with this guy,
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00:03:39,131 --> 00:03:42,265
and I shouted out "Leo!" in bed,
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00:03:42,309 --> 00:03:46,008
so I had to pretend that I was
telling him my astrological sign
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00:03:46,051 --> 00:03:51,231
but his was Cancer,
so he shouts out "Cancer!"
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00:03:51,274 --> 00:03:55,017
[laughs]
[snorts, laughs]
74
00:03:55,060 --> 00:03:57,237
[sighs]
75
00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:59,500
Wait,
what were we talking about?
76
00:03:59,543 --> 00:04:01,850
- Me.
- Oh, that's right.
77
00:04:01,893 --> 00:04:04,331
Look, all I'm trying to say
is that
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00:04:04,374 --> 00:04:06,898
I thought I would
never be ready,
79
00:04:06,942 --> 00:04:09,901
but I forced myself
to get back on the horse.
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00:04:09,945 --> 00:04:12,730
- I would like to
ride a horse again.
81
00:04:12,774 --> 00:04:14,210
- Mm-hmm.
82
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:15,559
- Stan was never allowed,
83
00:04:15,603 --> 00:04:19,868
for animal safety reasons.
84
00:04:19,911 --> 00:04:23,263
You know what?
I will go out with this guy.
85
00:04:23,306 --> 00:04:26,222
And thank you, Grace.
86
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:29,312
I don't want to end up like you.
87
00:04:29,356 --> 00:04:30,922
- But I never said--
88
00:04:32,141 --> 00:04:34,099
You're welcome.
89
00:04:34,143 --> 00:04:36,276
[elevator dings]
90
00:04:36,319 --> 00:04:38,930
Ooh!
My new fabric from Istanbul!
91
00:04:38,974 --> 00:04:41,237
Oh, thank you, Richard.
92
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,065
Or would you prefer "Rich"?
93
00:04:43,108 --> 00:04:47,722
- I prefer "Steve,"
because that's my name.
94
00:04:47,765 --> 00:04:49,941
- Fair enough.
95
00:04:49,985 --> 00:04:52,074
[soft laugh]
96
00:04:52,117 --> 00:04:53,902
Okay.
97
00:04:59,690 --> 00:05:02,911
- [exhales]
Thank God that's over.
98
00:05:02,954 --> 00:05:04,304
I believe this is yours.
99
00:05:04,347 --> 00:05:05,783
- Malcolm, what
are you doing here?
100
00:05:05,827 --> 00:05:08,003
And why did you come
in a FedEx box?
101
00:05:08,046 --> 00:05:12,312
- 'Cause I absolutely positively
had to get here overnight.
102
00:05:12,355 --> 00:05:13,400
Where's Karen?
103
00:05:13,443 --> 00:05:14,792
- Actually, she's on a date.
104
00:05:14,836 --> 00:05:16,925
She got back on the horse
and I'm proud of her.
105
00:05:16,968 --> 00:05:18,013
- Me too.
106
00:05:18,056 --> 00:05:19,493
I know she couldn't
ride with Stan
107
00:05:19,536 --> 00:05:22,365
because of animal safety issues.
108
00:05:22,409 --> 00:05:24,019
[groans]
I have to see her, Grace.
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00:05:24,062 --> 00:05:26,151
For the last five months,
she's all I've thought about.
110
00:05:26,195 --> 00:05:29,067
I could barely waterboard
my target in Bahrain
111
00:05:29,111 --> 00:05:33,071
because his screams reminded me
of our lovemaking.
112
00:05:33,115 --> 00:05:34,943
- Wait a minute, that's torture.
113
00:05:34,986 --> 00:05:36,379
- You have no idea.
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00:05:36,423 --> 00:05:38,033
♪
115
00:05:39,513 --> 00:05:39,948
.
116
00:05:39,991 --> 00:05:41,776
[upbeat piano music]
117
00:05:41,819 --> 00:05:43,255
[elevator dings]
118
00:05:43,299 --> 00:05:44,953
[dog yaps]
119
00:05:44,996 --> 00:05:47,434
- Morning, bitches.
120
00:05:47,477 --> 00:05:49,610
- Jack McFarland.
121
00:05:49,653 --> 00:05:51,568
You don't remember me, do you?
122
00:05:51,612 --> 00:05:55,267
You remember my sister Zandra.
She was your acting teacher.
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00:05:55,311 --> 00:05:58,096
And I used to sub for her
whenever she fell prey to
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00:05:58,140 --> 00:06:00,360
the tragic personal demons,
125
00:06:00,403 --> 00:06:04,625
and also when she played
Old Whore in "One Life to Live."
126
00:06:04,668 --> 00:06:06,322
- Zusanna?
127
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:09,194
- She never saw the potential
in you that I saw.
128
00:06:09,238 --> 00:06:11,153
I told her,
"Jack has that something
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00:06:11,196 --> 00:06:13,155
"that's rare and precious
in an actor:
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00:06:13,198 --> 00:06:15,287
His checks always clear."
131
00:06:15,331 --> 00:06:17,855
Ha-ha!
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00:06:17,899 --> 00:06:20,815
- "Zusanna's
Dog Walking Service?"
133
00:06:20,858 --> 00:06:22,599
Wait, so you're not
teaching anymore?
134
00:06:22,643 --> 00:06:23,992
- Teaching? No.
135
00:06:24,035 --> 00:06:25,820
It robbed me of all
my creative energy.
136
00:06:25,863 --> 00:06:27,952
Teaching is for no-talent hacks.
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00:06:27,996 --> 00:06:29,737
What are you doing
with yourself?
138
00:06:29,780 --> 00:06:33,088
- So I'm a teacher.
139
00:06:33,131 --> 00:06:36,657
Kind of half-teacher,
half-actor, you know.
140
00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:38,615
But I still
get health and dental.
141
00:06:38,659 --> 00:06:42,402
- Does Tom Cruise have dental?
142
00:06:42,445 --> 00:06:47,581
No, but he's such a good actor
you believe he has teeth.
143
00:06:49,757 --> 00:06:54,065
You can't be
half an actor, Jack!
144
00:06:54,109 --> 00:06:57,895
- What's "hoff-en-octa-jock"?
145
00:06:57,939 --> 00:06:59,680
- Precisely.
146
00:06:59,723 --> 00:07:03,031
You must commit to your craft!
147
00:07:03,074 --> 00:07:04,511
All right, I'll do it!
148
00:07:04,554 --> 00:07:08,210
I'll temporarily unretire
and I'll teach you again.
149
00:07:08,253 --> 00:07:10,473
- Really?
- [laughing] Yeah.
150
00:07:10,517 --> 00:07:12,040
- I haven't had
an acting teacher
151
00:07:12,083 --> 00:07:13,911
since I got kicked out of
my online master class
152
00:07:13,955 --> 00:07:16,653
with Manny from "Modern Family."
153
00:07:16,697 --> 00:07:19,569
- Well, I will drop by
the rec center later,
154
00:07:19,613 --> 00:07:22,572
and we will embark
on our journey together.
155
00:07:22,616 --> 00:07:25,575
My sister Zandra
said that teaching you
156
00:07:25,619 --> 00:07:31,363
was like trying to teach
a donkey to curtsey.
157
00:07:31,407 --> 00:07:35,716
But I will consider it...
an honor.
158
00:07:35,759 --> 00:07:37,674
- Hey, how is Zandra,
by the way?
159
00:07:37,718 --> 00:07:39,241
- She's no longer with us.
160
00:07:39,284 --> 00:07:41,069
She was cleaning her gun,
161
00:07:41,112 --> 00:07:45,377
and she accidentally
fell out the window.
162
00:07:45,421 --> 00:07:51,079
Then six months later,
she had a heart attack and died.
163
00:07:52,907 --> 00:07:55,823
- [breathing heavily]
164
00:07:55,866 --> 00:07:59,653
She--she's gone?
165
00:07:59,696 --> 00:08:02,743
Oh, my God, Zandra.
166
00:08:02,786 --> 00:08:04,092
[inhales sharply]
167
00:08:04,135 --> 00:08:05,963
[shrieking]
Zandra!
168
00:08:06,007 --> 00:08:08,488
[dogs bark]
169
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:12,927
[crying]
Why?
170
00:08:12,970 --> 00:08:14,755
[tearful muttering]
171
00:08:14,798 --> 00:08:16,974
Oh, wait, I knew that.
172
00:08:17,018 --> 00:08:20,282
♪
173
00:08:20,325 --> 00:08:21,936
- Hey, Paul, you teaching today?
174
00:08:21,979 --> 00:08:24,155
- Actually, they, uh,
moved my class right next door,
175
00:08:24,199 --> 00:08:26,201
so looks like we're neighbors.
176
00:08:26,244 --> 00:08:29,552
- Ohh, the gays
are taking over the hood.
177
00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:31,119
- All right, well, let me know
if you need anything
178
00:08:31,162 --> 00:08:33,034
from the boy next door.
179
00:08:33,077 --> 00:08:36,428
- Uh, Paul, you--
- Yeah?
180
00:08:36,472 --> 00:08:39,170
- Want to grab a drink sometime?
- Sure.
181
00:08:39,214 --> 00:08:42,086
Wow, I just, uh--
I did not expect that from you.
182
00:08:42,130 --> 00:08:43,958
You kind of seem like
a "rule" guy.
183
00:08:44,001 --> 00:08:46,134
- [scoffs] That was
a different Will Truman.
184
00:08:46,177 --> 00:08:49,354
That guy's got
a real stick up his ass.
185
00:08:49,398 --> 00:08:51,487
- Well, does this Will Truman
have a problem with
186
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,358
faculty dating
being frowned upon?
187
00:08:53,402 --> 00:08:55,709
- Frowned upon?
Please.
188
00:08:55,752 --> 00:08:58,581
Who cares?
Not this guy.
189
00:08:58,625 --> 00:09:01,018
♪
190
00:09:01,062 --> 00:09:03,020
- Hey.
How was the date?
191
00:09:03,064 --> 00:09:07,547
- I don't want to talk about it.
192
00:09:07,590 --> 00:09:12,073
All right, quit pestering me!
I'll tell you!
193
00:09:12,116 --> 00:09:14,684
He stood me up.
- Oh, Karen.
194
00:09:14,728 --> 00:09:18,601
- I am done.
I have had two loves in my life.
195
00:09:18,645 --> 00:09:22,126
One divorced me,
the other caused the divorce.
196
00:09:22,170 --> 00:09:23,954
That is it.
197
00:09:23,998 --> 00:09:26,609
- I saw Malcolm.
- What?
198
00:09:26,653 --> 00:09:29,003
- He wants to
give it another shot.
199
00:09:29,046 --> 00:09:31,179
Maybe you should think about it.
200
00:09:31,222 --> 00:09:33,181
- Absolutely not.
201
00:09:33,224 --> 00:09:35,009
That man ruined my life.
202
00:09:35,052 --> 00:09:36,663
- Okay, okay, look, Karen,
203
00:09:36,706 --> 00:09:40,623
can I just give you
30 seconds of tough love?
204
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:41,972
- Fine.
205
00:09:42,016 --> 00:09:48,065
But no car antennas
and stay away from the face.
206
00:09:48,109 --> 00:09:52,374
- No!
No, Karen.
207
00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:53,636
- What--
208
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:57,205
- People in healthy
relationships don't cheat.
209
00:09:57,248 --> 00:10:00,295
♪
210
00:10:02,036 --> 00:10:02,210
.
211
00:10:02,253 --> 00:10:04,342
[upbeat piano music]
212
00:10:04,386 --> 00:10:06,823
- Now, let's explore fear.
213
00:10:06,867 --> 00:10:10,653
Show me a man
who's afraid of heights.
214
00:10:10,697 --> 00:10:12,655
Yes, yes, now show me a man
215
00:10:12,699 --> 00:10:14,744
who's afraid of
losing his lover.
216
00:10:14,788 --> 00:10:17,007
No, he's still
afraid of heights.
217
00:10:17,051 --> 00:10:18,748
Show me a man
who's afraid of birds!
218
00:10:18,792 --> 00:10:20,837
- Birds?
- Of birds!
219
00:10:20,881 --> 00:10:23,666
He's afraid of losing his lover.
Now he's afraid of heights.
220
00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:24,972
He's afraid of birds.
221
00:10:25,015 --> 00:10:26,713
He's afraid of
birds with his lover.
222
00:10:26,756 --> 00:10:28,540
He's afraid of his lover
on the heights with the birds!
223
00:10:28,584 --> 00:10:29,977
Now he's afraid of his lover!
224
00:10:30,020 --> 00:10:32,675
Lover, lover, lover, lover,
lover, lover.
225
00:10:32,719 --> 00:10:36,113
Lover--now stop.
226
00:10:36,157 --> 00:10:38,159
Now what if I asked you
to show me a man
227
00:10:38,202 --> 00:10:40,857
who's biggest fear is that
he won't make it as an actor?
228
00:10:40,901 --> 00:10:43,207
A man who's taken a safe job
229
00:10:43,251 --> 00:10:45,296
so he doesn't have to
risk everything as an artist.
230
00:10:45,340 --> 00:10:48,996
What would that look like?
231
00:10:49,039 --> 00:10:51,607
- It would--
it would look like me.
232
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:54,523
- That's right, a true artist
doesn't have a safety net.
233
00:10:54,566 --> 00:10:59,093
You have to ask yourself,
"Am I a teacher?
234
00:10:59,136 --> 00:11:04,664
Or am I an actor?"
235
00:11:05,926 --> 00:11:07,928
- I'm an actor.
- What?
236
00:11:07,971 --> 00:11:11,888
- I'm an actor.
- I don't believe you.
237
00:11:11,932 --> 00:11:13,847
- Hi, Mr. McFarland.
238
00:11:13,890 --> 00:11:16,197
- Mr. McFarland is dead, Felix!
239
00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:19,983
He was your teacher.
I am an actor and only an actor!
240
00:11:20,027 --> 00:11:25,554
And from this day forward, I am
"Just Jack."
241
00:11:25,597 --> 00:11:30,385
♪
242
00:11:30,428 --> 00:11:32,169
- Hey.
- You ready?
243
00:11:32,213 --> 00:11:33,736
- Definitely.
- Oh, good.
244
00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:35,738
I was, uh, kind of worried
you were gonna bail.
245
00:11:35,782 --> 00:11:37,740
- Crossed my mind for a second.
246
00:11:37,784 --> 00:11:39,916
But they say
when you're on your deathbed,
247
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:42,353
it's not the things you did
that you regret
248
00:11:42,397 --> 00:11:43,877
but the things you didn't do.
249
00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:47,271
And I don't want this to be
something that I didn't do.
250
00:11:47,315 --> 00:11:50,753
- I am flattered that I am
the thing that you want to do.
251
00:11:50,797 --> 00:11:53,277
- [soft chuckle]
Let's get out of here.
252
00:11:53,321 --> 00:11:54,409
- You read my mind.
253
00:11:54,452 --> 00:11:56,324
- There you are.
- Oh, Liam.
254
00:11:56,367 --> 00:11:57,804
Uh, hey.
- Hi.
255
00:11:57,847 --> 00:11:59,283
[kisses]
I was looking for you all over.
256
00:11:59,327 --> 00:12:00,981
- Oh, yeah, uh,
they moved my class.
257
00:12:01,024 --> 00:12:02,069
Wait, I thought you had
dinner with your sister?
258
00:12:02,112 --> 00:12:03,548
- She cancelled,
then Iris called
259
00:12:03,592 --> 00:12:04,854
to say she couldn't sit.
260
00:12:04,898 --> 00:12:05,986
Everything at once.
- Oh.
261
00:12:06,029 --> 00:12:07,857
- Hi, I'm Liam, Paul's husband.
262
00:12:07,901 --> 00:12:09,163
- Will Truman.
[soft chuckle]
263
00:12:09,206 --> 00:12:12,427
Didn't tell me you had a child.
[chuckles]
264
00:12:12,470 --> 00:12:14,690
- I lost Lucy's bunny.
I need the backup bunny.
265
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,126
- Oh, it's, uh, it's in my bag.
266
00:12:16,170 --> 00:12:17,649
- She's an angel.
267
00:12:17,693 --> 00:12:20,478
- Would you
like to hold her, Will?
268
00:12:20,522 --> 00:12:21,653
- Definitely.
269
00:12:21,697 --> 00:12:23,743
- Uh, we will be right back.
270
00:12:23,786 --> 00:12:25,353
- I didn't mean to
bother you at work.
271
00:12:25,396 --> 00:12:28,660
- No-no-no,
don't worry about it.
272
00:12:28,704 --> 00:12:31,968
- Don't look at me like that.
I didn't do anything.
273
00:12:32,012 --> 00:12:33,665
[baby whining]
Okay, yes.
274
00:12:33,709 --> 00:12:35,319
I--I agreed to meet with him.
275
00:12:35,363 --> 00:12:37,147
So I'm complicit.
You raise a good point.
276
00:12:37,191 --> 00:12:40,629
But, um, you know,
I'm not breaking any laws.
277
00:12:40,672 --> 00:12:41,978
Which is a weak defense
278
00:12:42,022 --> 00:12:43,545
with the word "ethics"
written behind you
279
00:12:43,588 --> 00:12:46,287
Fell right into your trap.
Hm.
280
00:12:46,330 --> 00:12:48,593
[sighs] Hope I never
have to face you in court.
281
00:12:48,637 --> 00:12:49,943
You're relentless.
282
00:12:49,986 --> 00:12:51,205
- Thank you, Will.
283
00:12:51,248 --> 00:12:54,861
- Oh, oh, sure.
She's a sweetie.
284
00:12:54,904 --> 00:12:56,253
- Okay then.
285
00:12:56,297 --> 00:12:57,820
I'll see you at home later?
- Okay.
286
00:12:57,864 --> 00:13:00,388
- I love you.
- Mm, I love you too.
287
00:13:03,913 --> 00:13:05,828
Well, that was awkward.
288
00:13:05,872 --> 00:13:08,700
- You think?
- [soft chuckle]
289
00:13:08,744 --> 00:13:10,311
- You guys have an arrangement
or?
290
00:13:10,354 --> 00:13:13,836
- Uh, yeah, if I get caught,
he arranges my murder.
291
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:17,144
Drink?
- No!
292
00:13:17,187 --> 00:13:19,842
You have a husband and a baby.
293
00:13:19,886 --> 00:13:21,626
And not just any
husband and a baby
294
00:13:21,670 --> 00:13:23,367
but a husband
who clearly loves you
295
00:13:23,411 --> 00:13:26,544
and a baby who arguably
has the greatest legal mind
296
00:13:26,588 --> 00:13:29,112
of any baby in our time.
297
00:13:29,156 --> 00:13:31,419
- I thought you said
that you were a risk-taker.
298
00:13:31,462 --> 00:13:33,987
- Well, I'm not.
299
00:13:34,030 --> 00:13:35,510
I'm a classic rule-follower.
300
00:13:35,553 --> 00:13:38,078
That's why I like the law.
It's all about the rules.
301
00:13:38,121 --> 00:13:39,949
- Come on, you know
it's different with two guys.
302
00:13:39,993 --> 00:13:43,039
We make our own rules.
- No, we don't.
303
00:13:43,083 --> 00:13:44,040
I don't.
304
00:13:44,084 --> 00:13:45,041
You know,
we spend all these years
305
00:13:45,085 --> 00:13:46,434
saying marriage is marriage
306
00:13:46,477 --> 00:13:48,392
and love is love
till we were blue in the face.
307
00:13:48,436 --> 00:13:51,134
And now that we finally have
what we were fighting for,
308
00:13:51,178 --> 00:13:53,702
we say cheating
is not always cheating?
309
00:13:53,745 --> 00:13:57,314
I mean, that just seems like
cheating.
310
00:13:58,925 --> 00:14:01,101
Sorry, Paul, I...
[sighs]
311
00:14:01,144 --> 00:14:04,060
- See you around the hood.
312
00:14:04,104 --> 00:14:07,020
[school bell rings]
313
00:14:11,241 --> 00:14:12,416
- Oh, damn it.
314
00:14:12,460 --> 00:14:14,244
♪
315
00:14:15,811 --> 00:14:15,942
.
316
00:14:15,985 --> 00:14:18,379
[upbeat piano music]
317
00:14:18,422 --> 00:14:19,902
- What is he doing here?
318
00:14:19,946 --> 00:14:21,556
- She didn't specify
where I had to be
319
00:14:21,599 --> 00:14:23,036
at the time the call took place.
320
00:14:23,079 --> 00:14:26,561
- I will talk to you
or be in the same room with you,
321
00:14:26,604 --> 00:14:28,432
but I will not do both.
322
00:14:28,476 --> 00:14:30,347
- Fine.
- Fine.
323
00:14:30,391 --> 00:14:32,959
- And I have gotten zero
done today,
324
00:14:33,002 --> 00:14:35,048
so I will be in my office.
325
00:14:35,091 --> 00:14:37,050
- Grace, wait.
Please stay.
326
00:14:37,093 --> 00:14:39,487
Karen and I have a long history
of using a middleman
327
00:14:39,530 --> 00:14:41,358
to overcome obstacles.
328
00:14:41,402 --> 00:14:44,448
In 2017, when we couldn't touch,
329
00:14:44,492 --> 00:14:47,712
we both kissed Smitty.
330
00:14:47,756 --> 00:14:51,542
- In 2012, when we promised
not to see each other anymore,
331
00:14:51,586 --> 00:14:56,896
we had virtual sex as orcs
in "World of Warcraft."
332
00:14:56,939 --> 00:14:59,637
- When we cut off
all communication in 2007,
333
00:14:59,681 --> 00:15:01,944
I gave her a shout-out
by ghostwriting the song
334
00:15:01,988 --> 00:15:06,949
"Promiscuous" by Nelly Furtado
featuring Timbaland.
335
00:15:06,993 --> 00:15:08,559
Be our middleman, Grace.
336
00:15:08,603 --> 00:15:12,085
- It could work,
because in the middle,
337
00:15:12,128 --> 00:15:15,479
you resemble a man.
338
00:15:19,353 --> 00:15:21,659
- Fine.
339
00:15:21,703 --> 00:15:24,140
[sighs]
340
00:15:24,184 --> 00:15:28,449
You want me to say that?
- Yeah.
341
00:15:30,407 --> 00:15:33,280
- "Karen, I can't
stop thinking about
342
00:15:33,323 --> 00:15:38,459
"your sweet, sweet lady-nest.
343
00:15:38,502 --> 00:15:42,506
It is the only place
I truly feel home."
344
00:15:49,513 --> 00:15:52,342
No, I'm not saying that.
- [yaps]
345
00:15:56,477 --> 00:16:00,481
- "And I have thought,
once or twice,
346
00:16:00,524 --> 00:16:05,703
"about your... skin missile...
347
00:16:08,054 --> 00:16:14,974
"And your
targeted carpet bombing
348
00:16:15,017 --> 00:16:16,845
"and the things
you let me do to you
349
00:16:16,888 --> 00:16:21,023
that no man has ever
let me do before."
350
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:45,743
- "Like what?"
351
00:16:54,622 --> 00:16:57,842
Wait--what am I doing?
Enough!
352
00:16:57,886 --> 00:17:02,847
How are you two even alive?
353
00:17:04,936 --> 00:17:08,375
Why don't the two of you
just make up already?
354
00:17:08,418 --> 00:17:10,551
- He told Stan about our affair.
355
00:17:10,594 --> 00:17:11,552
- When you cut me
out of your life,
356
00:17:11,595 --> 00:17:12,901
I felt like I was drowning.
357
00:17:12,944 --> 00:17:15,208
And I love you desperately,
Karen,
358
00:17:15,251 --> 00:17:17,558
like Mark Antony
loved Cleopatra.
359
00:17:17,601 --> 00:17:19,386
He threw away the world for her,
360
00:17:19,429 --> 00:17:21,866
because an empire
without her by his side
361
00:17:21,910 --> 00:17:23,390
was a prison.
362
00:17:23,433 --> 00:17:25,000
- Oh, Malcolm.
363
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:31,311
Your words give me feelings
in my... heart area.
364
00:17:31,354 --> 00:17:32,703
But no.
365
00:17:32,747 --> 00:17:34,140
You ruined my marriage
366
00:17:34,183 --> 00:17:36,229
and I don't think
I could ever forget that.
367
00:17:36,272 --> 00:17:39,188
- But you could forgive him.
368
00:17:39,232 --> 00:17:41,103
Look, obviously,
369
00:17:41,147 --> 00:17:45,760
on some deeply weird level,
370
00:17:45,803 --> 00:17:50,286
the two of you are
meant for each other.
371
00:17:50,330 --> 00:17:53,594
But without forgiveness,
372
00:17:53,637 --> 00:17:57,293
the past never stops hurting.
373
00:17:57,337 --> 00:17:59,600
It stays with you,
374
00:17:59,643 --> 00:18:05,084
like Fergie's performance
of the national anthem.
375
00:18:09,175 --> 00:18:10,480
[door opens]
376
00:18:10,524 --> 00:18:12,656
[door shuts]
377
00:18:26,714 --> 00:18:28,716
- Excuse me, miss?
378
00:18:28,759 --> 00:18:34,504
Is this Grace Adler Designs?
379
00:18:34,548 --> 00:18:37,028
- Why, yes it is.
How can I help you?
380
00:18:37,072 --> 00:18:39,857
- Well, I'm looking for a sunny
little piece for my apartment
381
00:18:39,901 --> 00:18:41,772
and I think I may have
just found it.
382
00:18:41,816 --> 00:18:43,426
- Karen Walker.
383
00:18:43,470 --> 00:18:46,299
- Malcolm Widmark.
[kisses]
384
00:18:46,342 --> 00:18:47,952
Uh, there's a place
around the corner that keeps
385
00:18:47,996 --> 00:18:50,651
a bottle of
Château Lafite Rothschild
386
00:18:50,694 --> 00:18:51,826
at the bar for me.
387
00:18:51,869 --> 00:18:56,874
Do you drink?
- A widdle.
388
00:18:56,918 --> 00:18:59,660
- I'd like to
get to know you better.
389
00:18:59,703 --> 00:19:01,096
If I'm being too forward,
390
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:05,274
I truly hope
that you'll forgive me.
391
00:19:07,711 --> 00:19:11,889
- I forgive you.
392
00:19:14,065 --> 00:19:21,029
♪
393
00:19:21,072 --> 00:19:22,248
- Felix!
394
00:19:22,291 --> 00:19:26,469
You are unencumbered
by ability and talent.
395
00:19:26,513 --> 00:19:27,775
Go out and take yourself a lover
396
00:19:27,818 --> 00:19:29,603
so you can bring
something to this.
397
00:19:29,646 --> 00:19:32,345
Right now, take a lover,
a big ole lover.
398
00:19:32,388 --> 00:19:35,217
Go.
[groans]
399
00:19:35,261 --> 00:19:40,875
I want to see scars!
400
00:19:40,918 --> 00:19:41,963
- Zusanna?
401
00:19:42,006 --> 00:19:43,921
- Jack, what are you doing here?
402
00:19:43,965 --> 00:19:46,359
- I came to ask Theodore
for my job back.
403
00:19:46,402 --> 00:19:48,230
I can't lose my dental.
404
00:19:48,274 --> 00:19:51,842
When you slapped me,
you knocked a tooth loose.
405
00:19:51,886 --> 00:19:56,107
I swallowed it
on my bus ride home.
406
00:19:59,285 --> 00:20:00,634
What are you doing here?
407
00:20:00,677 --> 00:20:03,811
- Well, I work here.
I'm your replacement.
408
00:20:03,854 --> 00:20:06,205
- But you said teaching here--
409
00:20:06,248 --> 00:20:09,338
Wait a minute, you manipulated
me to steal my job?
410
00:20:09,382 --> 00:20:12,950
- Jack, I needed insurance.
So I spun a little tale.
411
00:20:12,994 --> 00:20:16,606
I created a conflict between us
for the greater purpose.
412
00:20:16,650 --> 00:20:18,608
You know what that's called?
413
00:20:18,652 --> 00:20:22,612
Acting, Jack.
414
00:20:22,656 --> 00:20:25,833
- Oh, that's "octing-jock."
415
00:20:25,876 --> 00:20:28,096
- Yes, it's you, my boy.
416
00:20:28,139 --> 00:20:31,447
That was your first lesson and
you passed with flying colors.
417
00:20:31,491 --> 00:20:33,101
- I did?
- Yes.
418
00:20:33,144 --> 00:20:36,060
You faced your fear
and you leapt into the unknown.
419
00:20:36,104 --> 00:20:39,934
A man at your age
and with your limited talent,
420
00:20:39,977 --> 00:20:43,981
it's the greatest leap
I've ever seen.
421
00:20:44,025 --> 00:20:45,505
Oh, Jack.
422
00:20:45,548 --> 00:20:50,074
You know, sometimes I think
of you as the son I never had.
423
00:20:50,118 --> 00:20:53,948
- Do you mean that?
- Yeah--[soft groan]
424
00:20:53,991 --> 00:20:55,776
- I still need money
to go to the dentist though.
425
00:20:55,819 --> 00:20:59,040
- Well, lucky for you,
I know a job opening
426
00:20:59,083 --> 00:21:02,826
that will pay you just enough
to keep you out of poverty
427
00:21:02,870 --> 00:21:07,178
but not nearly enough
to make you feel secure.
428
00:21:07,222 --> 00:21:08,484
♪
429
00:21:08,528 --> 00:21:09,964
- I have to pee.
[dogs yapping]
430
00:21:10,007 --> 00:21:12,575
I have to--I let you pee!
I am the alpha!
431
00:21:12,619 --> 00:21:14,795
♪
432
00:21:14,845 --> 00:21:19,395
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