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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:00,480 Ah, the day seems slow, but the years go fast 2 00:00:00,480 --> 00:00:02,160 . 3 00:00:02,280 --> 00:00:03,880 One, two 4 00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:07,080 Ah, the day seems slow, but the years go fast 5 00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:09,800 Could you please pour another drink in my glass? 6 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:11,560 I think I need a drink tonight 7 00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:13,680 If only the landlord could fix it right 8 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:15,680 Why's he looking so reluctant? 9 00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:17,640 Like he doesn't want the custom? 10 00:00:17,760 --> 00:00:19,520 Why do you run a pub, then? 11 00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:21,840 I need time away, but I never go far 12 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:24,320 Best friends are these guys here propping up the bar 13 00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:27,120 Working for the family I love, but the day's been long 14 00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:29,760 Could you please pour me another drink, Rom? 15 00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:33,480 If only the landlord could fix it right 16 00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:41,600 I don't want to go and live at Nana's house. 17 00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:44,440 She makes us eat lentils every day. 18 00:00:44,560 --> 00:00:46,400 Yeah, and they make your mum gassy. 19 00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:49,480 It won't be for long, like we're visiting. 20 00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:51,480 Then why do we have to take all our stuff? 21 00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:53,080 Because... 22 00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:56,160 once we've finished visiting Grandma, we're gonna be moving into 23 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:58,640 an amazing new place that your dad's gonna sort out. 24 00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:01,640 I actually wonder if it might be cheaper just to buy a plot of land, 25 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:03,560 and then build something from scratch. 26 00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:06,280 Who's gonna build it? I can build stuff. 27 00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:08,800 I built that table. It took you a whole day, 28 00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:10,640 and one of the legs faces the wrong way. 29 00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:13,880 The instructions weren't clear. The pictures were all misleading. 30 00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:17,560 We're not building a new house, and I want to be out of your mum's by next week. 31 00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:19,920 Hello. Jamesie! 32 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,800 Hello, mate! Yeah, no, thanks for calling back. 33 00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:26,120 I was actually calling to see if you've got any jobs going. 34 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:30,960 Yeah... Well, I realised I prefer working over there with you idiots! 35 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:37,520 Right, OK. Well, let me know if anything comes up, won't you? 36 00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:40,880 We're doing something here tonight, actually, if you're interested. 37 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:42,640 A little bit of a send-off. 38 00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:46,720 It's our last night at the pub, so we're doing a kind of open-mike night type thing. 39 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:48,760 Right, yeah. 40 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:51,160 No, of course. Of course, mate. I get it. 41 00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:52,880 All right, nice one. 42 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:54,720 See you later, Jamesie. 43 00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:56,320 I hate that guy. 44 00:01:56,480 --> 00:01:59,320 Surely you don't want to go back into... 45 00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:00,680 What did you even do? 46 00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:03,680 Pensions analyst. It's an easy job, isn't it? 47 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:05,760 You hated it. You're supposed to hate work. 48 00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:08,560 It gives you something to talk about with your colleagues. 49 00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:10,200 So find a new place to hate working in. 50 00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:14,040 I was gonna shoot the mix tape over to a couple of labels, so you never know. 51 00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:18,920 Speaking of lost causes, I'm gonna get some people in the office to look over the brewery contract. 52 00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:21,360 There must be something they can pull 'em up on. 53 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:23,760 I'll leave you guys in charge of that side of things. 54 00:02:23,920 --> 00:02:26,320 You concentrate on taking over the music industry. 55 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:29,120 Well, I could do both - lay down a little disc track 56 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:32,080 about the brewery unfairly pulling the licence. 57 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:34,920 Five percent of you is actually hoping I take you up on that. 58 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:37,680 Oh, it is much higher than 5%. Hmm... 59 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:39,720 This is the last time 60 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:44,000 I don't blame you. Why are you saying that? 61 00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:46,520 I wasn't even thinking that. What were you thinking? 62 00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:49,440 I was actually wondering how much Deliveroo drivers get paid. 63 00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:51,360 They get to be their own boss, don't they? 64 00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:53,840 I've got a friend who runs a food stall. 65 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,640 Maybe he could get you a few shifts. Er, what food is it? 66 00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:58,400 Wraps. 67 00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:01,360 No, I don't like wraps. They're pretentious. 68 00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:03,120 How are wraps pretentious? 69 00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:04,880 They are a bit pretentious. 70 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:06,520 Have a bloody sandwich! 71 00:03:06,640 --> 00:03:08,240 All right, well, go to Greggs, then. 72 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:11,200 The only jobs you're good at are blow jobs probably! 73 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:15,200 Have you been sat here the whole time trying to think of that?! 74 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:18,200 You don't know you're good at them till you start giving them out. 75 00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:21,320 Stop talking about me giving blow jobs! Times aren't that hard yet. 76 00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:24,120 How's Natasha? Is she annoyed about you having to move out? 77 00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:26,000 Er, yes. That is fair to say. 78 00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:27,880 I also overheard her earlier 79 00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:30,600 explaining to the kids that Daddy's not a failure. 80 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:32,640 So she's having a great time. 81 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:35,640 And hand jobs as well, probably good at that. 82 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:38,560 You're literally two conversations behind, aren't you, mate? 83 00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:40,480 Steve, you've not been here for months. 84 00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:42,400 Are you here to gloat that we're closing? 85 00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:45,520 No, mate. I'm here to support. I'm gonna do a comedy set later. 86 00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:47,640 Why? Out of your mates, you're the funny one, 87 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:50,960 cos you get the most drunk and make the biggest twat out of yourself. 88 00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:53,720 You're not actually funny. We'll see tonight, won't we? 89 00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:55,520 You should do a stand-up set as well, 90 00:03:55,680 --> 00:03:57,440 and we'll see who gets the most laughs. 91 00:03:57,560 --> 00:03:59,240 I'm not a stand-up, I'm a musician. 92 00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:02,240 Stand-up is for people who love the sound of their own voice. 93 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:04,160 Better than the sound of your shit music. 94 00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:06,240 I'm not doing my music. It's the wrong crowd. 95 00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:08,840 You should perform your music. The regulars'd love it. 96 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:11,440 No, I need to get on with the job hunt, plus I don't know 97 00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:13,960 how many of the regulars are into old-school hip hop. 98 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:15,840 Is anyone into that any more? 99 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:17,640 I always preferred East Coast boom bap 100 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:20,440 to all the mumble rap everyone's doing these days. 101 00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:23,400 Rim jobs - 102 00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:25,760 that's a job he could get! (CACKLES) 103 00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:29,120 How is that even an insult? You're just saying I could get a rim job! 104 00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:30,440 (WHEEZY LAUGH) 105 00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:32,480 You're an idiot. 106 00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:39,880 Aw, thanks for letting us stay. 107 00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:42,720 It won't be for long, honestly. 108 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:45,280 Darling, you can stay here for as long as you want. 109 00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:48,080 I know it's very hard for you. Romesh has ruined your life. 110 00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:51,640 It'll take you a few months, maybe a year, to find the right place. 111 00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:53,360 No, no, no...er... 112 00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:55,920 we're gonna find somewhere pretty quickly, I think. 113 00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:57,640 Yeah, Rom's looking into it. 114 00:04:57,760 --> 00:04:59,360 Romesh is not capable. 115 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:01,760 Don't worry. I will look after the family now. 116 00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:04,200 I've bought lots of lentils and potatoes. Oh... 117 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:07,280 It's a little trick now that you're falling on the hard times. 118 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:09,280 (POLITE LAUGH) Thank you. 119 00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:20,520 We don't need to unpack everything. 120 00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:22,800 Oh, these are very nice pans. 121 00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:25,040 I think actually YOU bought them for us. 122 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:27,760 Ah, that explains it. I've got very good taste! 123 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:31,720 Erm, listen, maybe we should just leave them in there. 124 00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:35,160 Otherwise they might get mixed up with your stuff, and then, well... 125 00:05:35,280 --> 00:05:36,960 (SOBS) 126 00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:38,720 I feel like I'm let down. 127 00:05:38,840 --> 00:05:41,040 No, you're not let down. 128 00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:43,560 No, I'VE been let down by you and Romesh. 129 00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:44,920 Oh, right. 130 00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:47,080 And now it's up to me to make it all better. 131 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:48,920 Don't worry. 132 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:50,600 I'm here. 133 00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:52,640 I just have to be strong. 134 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:56,040 Yeah... 135 00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:58,080 We all do. 136 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:00,960 ELECTRO BEATS 137 00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:05,960 (MUSIC OFF) 138 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:08,560 Your mum is losing her mind. 139 00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:10,280 We cannot stay there. 140 00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:12,240 What are you doing? 141 00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:14,400 Looking through these bloody job pages. 142 00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:16,440 Can you come and help me, please? 143 00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:18,240 Yes, OK. 144 00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:20,280 And pack all that crap up as well. 145 00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:22,800 I was going to leave the studio out for a little bit. 146 00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:24,680 Erm... 147 00:06:24,840 --> 00:06:28,200 do you think it might be nice for the locals 148 00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:29,920 if I did a little thing tonight? 149 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:32,720 Tottenham Steve's doing comedy. I can't be worse than him. 150 00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:35,400 Do your Chris Eubank impression. That's really funny. 151 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:38,640 No, I'm not doing comedy. Are you sure about that? 152 00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:41,440 With your little button pad? 153 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:43,840 It's called an MPC, and it's what Kanye West uses. 154 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:47,000 He also uses antidepressants, which is what I'm gonna need 155 00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:49,560 if you don't find us a place to live away from your mum. 156 00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:51,520 (SIGHS) 157 00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:57,680 Do you have any small towels? Probably, but I don't know where. 158 00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:59,480 And nail clippers - do you have? 159 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:01,480 This isn't a car-boot sale. 160 00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:04,800 If you're gonna stay in my house, you'll have to contribute. 161 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:06,880 Mum, I'm not sharing nail clippers with you. 162 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:08,600 It's rank and weird. 163 00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:11,560 Oh, God... 164 00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:13,200 Mm... 165 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:15,960 They look like they've dissolved. 166 00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:17,680 Where are WE sleeping? 167 00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:19,720 Through there. 168 00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:26,200 Wow! 169 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:28,240 Less than a week, I promise. 170 00:07:31,760 --> 00:07:33,720 Two, two! 171 00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:35,200 (GRUNTS) 172 00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:37,040 Feeling all right, mate? 173 00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:39,320 Yes! 174 00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:42,840 I've been thinking that tonight you'll be pouring your last ever pint. 175 00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:44,920 Er, I'm not gonna die tonight. 176 00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:46,600 Die on stage probably! 177 00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:49,440 The only person dying on stage tonight is YOU... 178 00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:51,840 and potentially Colin. 179 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:54,200 You got your notes tattooed onto your palm? 180 00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:55,920 I don't need notes, mate. 181 00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:58,160 I've memorised my entire set. Even better, 182 00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:00,920 cos you relying on your brain power is exactly what I want. 183 00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:04,040 What are you relying on? A backing CD that you can mime along to? 184 00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:06,360 I'm not rapping and I'm definitely not miming. 185 00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:09,120 I'll be relying on years of honing my craft as a producer. 186 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:11,840 Honing your craft watching Pornhub more like! 187 00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:13,280 (WHEEZY LAUGH) 188 00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:15,240 Jesus Christ! 189 00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:17,680 Oh, Julie, can I have a quick word? Mm-hm. 190 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:23,000 Look, Julie, I just wanted you to know that none of this is your fault. 191 00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:25,480 I know. I know you're gonna say that, 192 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:28,400 but it really isn't. No, I really know. 193 00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:30,120 You don't have to worry about me, Rom. 194 00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:32,280 You don't even have a fixed address. (SIGHS) 195 00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:34,240 Look, let's just have a great last night, 196 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:35,960 get off our faces, go out with a bang. 197 00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:37,640 That sounds like a great idea. 198 00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:40,320 Might also help me settle the old pre-match nerves. 199 00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:43,320 You're gonna do some of your music? Well, you said I should. 200 00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:45,800 Yeah, but I didn't think you'd do it, though. 201 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:47,920 I think some people are gonna be surprised. 202 00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:49,800 It's not a little hobby for me. 203 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:52,600 I've been working on this for quite a while, so... 204 00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:54,920 I've been going on Tinder dates for quite a while. 205 00:08:55,080 --> 00:08:57,440 Doesn't mean I'm any good at it. No, that actually... 206 00:08:57,560 --> 00:08:59,480 implies that you're quite bad at it. 207 00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:03,560 (ROMANTIC POP MUSIC PLAYS) 208 00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:08,440 You raise me up 209 00:09:08,560 --> 00:09:12,960 So I can stand on mountains 210 00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:16,440 You raise me up 211 00:09:16,560 --> 00:09:20,120 To walk on stormy seas 212 00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:24,640 I am strong 213 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:28,360 When I am on your shoulders 214 00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:32,280 You raise me up 215 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:36,880 To more than I can be... 216 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,840 (CHEERING) 217 00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:41,200 Let him finish! 218 00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:44,000 Be-eeeee! 219 00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:47,400 (CHEERING) 220 00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:51,000 What a voice! 221 00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:52,960 And next up we have Romesh, 222 00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:54,920 a man who needs no introduction. 223 00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:57,880 I'm gonna give him one anyway! 224 00:09:58,040 --> 00:10:00,760 I still remember the first night Rom was the landlord here. 225 00:10:00,920 --> 00:10:04,000 I'd just got back from The Big Chill festival, 226 00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:05,920 and it's fair to say I was feeling... 227 00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:07,840 rather fragile. 228 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:11,480 I was in a dark place, I was staring into the fire, 229 00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:14,160 and there were these two woodlice. 230 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,960 There were flames all around. 231 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:18,240 I remember finally 232 00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:21,360 they locked onto each other and they... 233 00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:24,160 ..rolled off into the flames... 234 00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:25,880 together. 235 00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:28,240 I guess the reason why I'm telling you this story 236 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:30,720 is that sometimes life can feel 237 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:33,440 a little bit helpless, 238 00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:36,800 but as long as you've got friendship, 239 00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:38,720 then it will be OK. 240 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:40,560 Didn't they both perish in the flames? 241 00:10:40,680 --> 00:10:42,280 Yeah, they did? 242 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:45,000 But together, so it wasn't that bad. 243 00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:47,120 Isn't that what this pub is about? 244 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:49,080 You know, being there for each other, 245 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:51,160 no matter how bad it is... 246 00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:53,480 and friends that you will die for. 247 00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:54,880 (Jesus!) 248 00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:56,920 (COUGHING) 249 00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:00,560 So, ladies and gentlemen, 250 00:11:00,680 --> 00:11:03,000 my best friend and your landlord... 251 00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:04,720 put your hands together for Romesh! 252 00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:07,280 (CHEERING) 253 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:08,960 (APPLAUSE) 254 00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:10,600 Thank you. 255 00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:13,720 What an incredibly dark and horrific introduction. 256 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:15,520 Do your Chris Eubank impression! 257 00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:17,560 I'm not actually doing comedy. 258 00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,760 I'm here to do music, actually. Hip hop. 259 00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:22,400 Do Gold Digger! I'm not gonna do Gold Digger. 260 00:11:22,560 --> 00:11:26,080 This is something that I've been working on for quite a while now, 261 00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:28,120 and I... I hope you enjoy it. 262 00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:35,720 (RUSTLING) 263 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:37,360 What? Huh! 264 00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:38,640 What-what? Huh! 265 00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:39,880 What? Huh! 266 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:41,120 What? Whoo! Huh! 267 00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:42,520 What? Huh! 268 00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:43,880 What-what? Huh! 269 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:45,200 What? Huh! 270 00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:46,360 What? Whoo! Yeah! 271 00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:47,520 What? Huh! 272 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:48,640 What-what? Huh! 273 00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:51,360 What? Huh! (Oh, my God, is this it?) 274 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:52,560 Yeah! What? Huh! 275 00:11:52,680 --> 00:11:53,840 What-what? Huh! 276 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:55,920 What? Huh! I think so, yeah. 277 00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:57,360 What? Huh! 278 00:11:57,480 --> 00:11:58,720 Yeah! Whoo! Huh! 279 00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:00,120 What? Yeah! 280 00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:01,880 What? Whoo! 281 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:03,120 What-what? Huh! 282 00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:05,240 What? Yeah! What-what? Yeah! 283 00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:06,960 What? Whoo! Shit! 284 00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:08,120 What? Huh! 285 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:09,240 What-what? Huh! 286 00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:10,400 What? Huh! 287 00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:11,840 What-what? Huh! 288 00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:13,680 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! 289 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:15,680 Anyway, you get the...erm... 290 00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:19,480 You get the idea. It goes on like that for another three minutes or so. 291 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:23,440 So that's it. I guess I'll just go upstairs and...erm... 292 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:25,360 add this to the list of things I'm shit at. 293 00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:27,160 (LAUGHTER) 294 00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:29,440 Alongside being a pub landlord of course! 295 00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:32,040 (LAUGHTER) 296 00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:34,800 I would like to raise a toast to the pub. 297 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:37,000 It's our last night here, and that is sad, 298 00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:39,400 but I do not want our last night here to be sad. 299 00:12:39,560 --> 00:12:42,440 So raise your glasses to The Seven Swans. 300 00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:44,360 ALL: Hurray! 301 00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:47,520 You know what? Fuck it. For one last time, I am gonna go behind the bar. 302 00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:50,080 And you know what? It's free drinks for everybody. 303 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:52,120 Yeah. Of course 304 00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:53,840 what I mean by 'free drinks' is: 305 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:56,200 do help yourselves, and I will deny all knowledge! 306 00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:58,320 (LAUGHTER) But, seriously, have a good time. 307 00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:01,640 (SILLY VOICE) Thank you so much. You have been absolutely wonderful. 308 00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:03,880 (LAUGHTER) 309 00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:05,600 Romesh! (CHEERING) 310 00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:07,800 There he goes, 311 00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:09,720 but there's still plenty of other... 312 00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:12,320 Hello. Hey! 313 00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:14,200 Loved that Mr Miyagi impression. 314 00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:16,760 You all know what's coming, don't you? 315 00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:19,000 Your next act of the evening is... 316 00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:20,840 Tottenham Steve. 317 00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:22,880 (POLITE APPLAUSE) 318 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:24,640 Nice one. 319 00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:27,680 I tell you what, the only job Romesh is gonna get after this... 320 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:29,400 is a hand job! 321 00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:31,040 (GIGGLES) 322 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:34,280 I tell you what, Romesh is the worst landlord. 323 00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:36,520 He thinks a Stella top 324 00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:39,800 is a jumper! (LAUGHS) 325 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:41,840 Anyway, nice one. 326 00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:43,680 (LAUGHS) 327 00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:45,125 Ah... 328 00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:48,045 And isn't it ironic 329 00:13:48,165 --> 00:13:49,565 Don't you think? 330 00:13:49,685 --> 00:13:50,885 We all know it. Join in! 331 00:13:51,005 --> 00:13:53,885 It's like rain 332 00:13:54,005 --> 00:13:56,125 On your wedding day 333 00:13:56,245 --> 00:13:59,205 It's a free ride 334 00:13:59,325 --> 00:14:01,445 When you've already paid 335 00:14:01,565 --> 00:14:03,845 It's the good advice 336 00:14:03,965 --> 00:14:05,485 Lee! 337 00:14:05,605 --> 00:14:07,125 That you just didn't take 338 00:14:07,245 --> 00:14:08,565 That's OK... 339 00:14:08,685 --> 00:14:10,325 And who would have thought... 340 00:14:10,485 --> 00:14:13,965 I actually really enjoyed your story about the woodlice earlier on. 341 00:14:14,125 --> 00:14:16,765 Shall we pour some of our drinks out for them? 342 00:14:16,885 --> 00:14:19,685 Er, yeah, OK. Just a bit, though, 343 00:14:19,805 --> 00:14:21,725 cos they're only little, aren't they? 344 00:14:21,885 --> 00:14:25,045 You know what's funny is I don't actually have to clear this up, so... 345 00:14:25,205 --> 00:14:27,045 It's the last night. Do anything you want. 346 00:14:27,165 --> 00:14:29,085 Let the brewery deal with it. 347 00:14:30,165 --> 00:14:32,125 Do you dare me? 348 00:14:32,245 --> 00:14:34,005 (GLASS SHATTERS) 349 00:14:34,125 --> 00:14:35,685 Mazel tov! 350 00:14:35,805 --> 00:14:37,725 Mazel tov! 351 00:14:39,245 --> 00:14:41,085 Oops! 352 00:14:41,245 --> 00:14:43,285 (CHEERING) Shit, Lemon. 353 00:14:43,405 --> 00:14:44,605 (LAUGHTER) 354 00:14:44,725 --> 00:14:46,965 Oi! That's Lemon's tankard. Lemon... 355 00:14:47,125 --> 00:14:49,965 Just got your tankard, mate. My tankard! 356 00:14:50,125 --> 00:14:51,925 Have it! (RAUCOUS LAUGHTER) 357 00:14:52,045 --> 00:14:53,965 (TRIUMPHANT LAUGHTER) 358 00:14:54,085 --> 00:14:56,005 Ooh! 359 00:14:56,165 --> 00:14:59,005 You want it, mate. You want it. You've got it now, mate. 360 00:14:59,125 --> 00:15:01,525 Now you've got it. Now you've got it. 361 00:15:01,645 --> 00:15:03,885 You son of a bi... 362 00:15:04,005 --> 00:15:05,925 Ha! 363 00:15:10,645 --> 00:15:13,205 (BOTH ROAR) 364 00:15:13,325 --> 00:15:15,085 Come on! 365 00:15:15,205 --> 00:15:17,125 (GLASS SHATTERS) 366 00:15:17,245 --> 00:15:19,685 Now Julie's on the way! Yay! 367 00:15:24,845 --> 00:15:26,525 (CHEERING) 368 00:15:26,645 --> 00:15:28,565 Come on! 369 00:15:32,245 --> 00:15:34,205 (GLASS SHATTERS) 370 00:15:37,445 --> 00:15:39,125 Ohh... It's all right. 371 00:15:39,245 --> 00:15:41,165 Just hold it up there, OK? 372 00:15:41,285 --> 00:15:43,285 The first-aid box is through here. 373 00:15:43,445 --> 00:15:45,285 It's OK. Ooh! 374 00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:47,445 It's not deep. It's all right. There you go. 375 00:15:47,565 --> 00:15:48,845 (GROANS) 376 00:15:49,005 --> 00:15:51,285 Do you know what you're doing? Yeah, of course. 377 00:15:51,405 --> 00:15:53,005 I'm a paramedic. 378 00:15:53,165 --> 00:15:55,525 I thought you drove a van. Yeah, I do. 379 00:15:55,685 --> 00:15:58,525 It's an ambulance. Oh, wow! 380 00:15:58,685 --> 00:16:00,925 Why are your stories always so boring, then? 381 00:16:01,085 --> 00:16:04,285 I just think I pay too much attention to every single detail, 382 00:16:04,445 --> 00:16:06,445 which is good in the medical profession. 383 00:16:06,605 --> 00:16:09,325 Do you know how to make a sling? You don't need a sling. 384 00:16:09,445 --> 00:16:11,045 I want a sling! Ahh! 385 00:16:13,245 --> 00:16:15,205 (HUBBUB) 386 00:16:16,285 --> 00:16:17,965 Nice one. 387 00:16:18,485 --> 00:16:20,405 Blimey! (LAUGHS) 388 00:16:23,125 --> 00:16:25,085 (GRUNTS) 389 00:16:27,285 --> 00:16:28,965 What the hell are you doing? 390 00:16:29,085 --> 00:16:30,365 (CHEERS) 391 00:16:30,485 --> 00:16:31,565 (SCREAMS) 392 00:16:31,725 --> 00:16:34,005 We're just trying to give the place a proper send-off. 393 00:16:34,165 --> 00:16:36,925 So I'm trying to save the place, while you're destroying it? 394 00:16:37,085 --> 00:16:39,765 Ye-ah! I'm going through the paperwork. 395 00:16:39,925 --> 00:16:42,325 Do you even remember signing the contract? 396 00:16:42,485 --> 00:16:45,605 I don't know. They made me sign loads of crap. I've got no idea. 397 00:16:45,765 --> 00:16:48,725 Well, don't trash the place just yet. I'm still looking for it. 398 00:16:48,845 --> 00:16:50,405 OK, thank you. Love you. 399 00:16:50,525 --> 00:16:52,445 (SQUEALS) Watch out! 400 00:16:53,765 --> 00:16:55,725 (SHOUTING AND WHOOPING) 401 00:16:58,045 --> 00:17:00,125 Are you still doing that? 402 00:17:00,245 --> 00:17:02,245 I can't fasten it properly... 403 00:17:02,365 --> 00:17:04,725 er...while you're kissing. 404 00:17:11,445 --> 00:17:13,405 (DRUNKEN SHOUTING) 405 00:17:24,365 --> 00:17:26,525 I'm sorry to see it end like this for you, Rom. 406 00:17:26,645 --> 00:17:28,285 Yeah, I mean, I get it. I get it. 407 00:17:28,405 --> 00:17:31,045 The war of the pubs. The big feuds. 408 00:17:31,165 --> 00:17:32,805 You win. Congratulations. 409 00:17:32,965 --> 00:17:35,045 No. No, no, no, I never saw it like that. 410 00:17:35,925 --> 00:17:37,885 I mean, you're hardly a threat. 411 00:17:42,205 --> 00:17:44,405 Pay your tab, and piss off. 412 00:17:44,525 --> 00:17:46,205 I never ordered those drinks. 413 00:17:46,365 --> 00:17:48,765 I never asked you to come in. In fact, do you know what? 414 00:17:48,925 --> 00:17:50,605 You're barred. Barred? What? 415 00:17:50,765 --> 00:17:53,645 Listen, I'm never gonna see you again, so I may as well be honest. 416 00:17:53,765 --> 00:17:55,525 You're a vacuous hipster twat, 417 00:17:55,685 --> 00:17:57,885 who dresses like Mumford & Sons fucked Dr Who. 418 00:18:02,285 --> 00:18:04,245 I warn you now... 419 00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:07,445 ..I will blog about this. 420 00:18:08,405 --> 00:18:10,365 And I will not change your name. 421 00:18:17,925 --> 00:18:19,885 (CLATTERING) 422 00:18:21,965 --> 00:18:23,925 (SIGHS) 423 00:18:26,805 --> 00:18:28,485 Winter will leave us 424 00:18:28,605 --> 00:18:30,205 Sorry, Dad. 425 00:18:30,325 --> 00:18:32,245 Left the end of my nose 426 00:18:34,805 --> 00:18:37,285 Goodbye, old England 427 00:18:38,725 --> 00:18:40,685 Till next year's snow 428 00:18:44,285 --> 00:18:46,245 (KNOCKING AT DOOR) 429 00:18:46,365 --> 00:18:48,285 Rom, the door! 430 00:18:54,005 --> 00:18:56,165 Jesus, did you sleep in your clothes? 431 00:18:56,285 --> 00:18:58,045 Put your shoes on. 432 00:18:58,205 --> 00:19:00,805 There's broken glass everywhere. It'll be like Die Hard. 433 00:19:00,925 --> 00:19:02,565 Nice reference. 434 00:19:02,685 --> 00:19:04,325 (SIGHS) 435 00:19:04,445 --> 00:19:06,365 (KNOCKING AT DOOR) 436 00:19:09,165 --> 00:19:11,125 (KNOCKING CONTINUES) 437 00:19:11,245 --> 00:19:13,165 For fuck's sake... 438 00:19:15,165 --> 00:19:17,285 Er, we're not actually open yet, mate. 439 00:19:17,445 --> 00:19:20,645 Oh, hi, Romesh, it's Gareth from the brewery. 440 00:19:20,805 --> 00:19:23,405 Oh. Hi, Gareth. Can I... 441 00:19:23,525 --> 00:19:26,045 Well, no... Sorry, mate. It's just... 442 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,885 I'm trying to get it ready. 443 00:19:28,045 --> 00:19:30,405 I want it to be really lovely for the handover, 444 00:19:30,565 --> 00:19:32,165 and I haven't been able to do that yet. 445 00:19:32,285 --> 00:19:34,325 I just feel like, if we do that now, 446 00:19:34,485 --> 00:19:37,445 then it won't be as lovely as I want it to be... 447 00:19:37,565 --> 00:19:39,365 for you. 448 00:19:39,485 --> 00:19:41,445 Right. 449 00:19:41,605 --> 00:19:44,525 Well, this is what I wanted to discuss with you, actually. 450 00:19:44,645 --> 00:19:46,565 There's an issue with the contract. 451 00:19:46,685 --> 00:19:48,205 I just need you to sign something. 452 00:19:49,285 --> 00:19:51,045 Oh, so it wasn't signed? 453 00:19:51,205 --> 00:19:54,245 No. The brewery have asked if you can sign it now. 454 00:19:54,365 --> 00:19:56,125 So the termination is void? 455 00:19:56,285 --> 00:19:58,765 Yeah, there's been a bit of an error on our part there. 456 00:19:58,925 --> 00:20:01,405 Technically speaking. Legally speaking? 457 00:20:01,565 --> 00:20:04,085 Yeah. So what are you saying? 458 00:20:04,205 --> 00:20:05,925 You aren't required to leave, 459 00:20:06,085 --> 00:20:09,325 but the brewery have asked that you sign this in front of me today. 460 00:20:09,445 --> 00:20:11,285 So we're not required to leave? 461 00:20:11,405 --> 00:20:13,005 Do we still have to run the pub? 462 00:20:13,125 --> 00:20:14,885 Yeah. We still have to run the pub. 463 00:20:15,045 --> 00:20:17,645 OK, so it's not a complete jackpot, then. OK, I will sign. 464 00:20:17,765 --> 00:20:19,205 Just on that one. 465 00:20:19,365 --> 00:20:21,165 I can come in, if... No, no, no, it's fine. 466 00:20:21,285 --> 00:20:22,925 We'll sign it here. 467 00:20:23,085 --> 00:20:25,805 Yeah, that's for you... and that's for me. 468 00:20:25,965 --> 00:20:28,845 Please accept my apologies on behalf of the brewery. 469 00:20:28,965 --> 00:20:30,645 All right, no problem, mate. 470 00:20:30,805 --> 00:20:33,325 Now, get off my property! (NERVOUS LAUGH) 471 00:20:33,525 --> 00:20:36,445 Yeah, it's still our property, to be clear. 472 00:20:36,605 --> 00:20:40,085 Yes, I get that. Sorry, I just thought that'd be a funny joke. 473 00:20:46,205 --> 00:20:48,645 Yes! What the hell just happened? 474 00:20:48,805 --> 00:20:53,365 You can't fail a probation period if the contract doesn't legally exist. 475 00:20:53,565 --> 00:20:56,485 So me not signing it actually saved the day? 476 00:20:56,645 --> 00:20:59,325 You're gonna try and take credit for this, aren't you? 477 00:20:59,445 --> 00:21:00,845 No, no, I'm sorry. 478 00:21:00,965 --> 00:21:03,165 Thank you. You're amazing. 479 00:21:03,285 --> 00:21:05,085 Ooh! I really am. 480 00:21:05,205 --> 00:21:06,845 I'm gonna go straight to your mum's 481 00:21:07,005 --> 00:21:08,885 cos I think she should be the first to know. 482 00:21:09,045 --> 00:21:10,645 I think you should thank her as well. 483 00:21:10,805 --> 00:21:13,445 She was a real motivation for me. Yes, I can imagine. 484 00:21:13,565 --> 00:21:15,445 So, I mean, what happens now? 485 00:21:15,605 --> 00:21:18,565 Well, I think you'd better start clearing up your pub. 486 00:21:18,725 --> 00:21:22,205 Your six-month probation starts today! 487 00:21:22,365 --> 00:21:25,525 Are there, like, apps for, like, emergency cleaners or something? 488 00:21:25,685 --> 00:21:28,285 I'll put some music on, and you can get on with it. 489 00:21:30,485 --> 00:21:32,325 (MUSIC ON) 490 00:21:32,445 --> 00:21:34,045 I just saved your life. 491 00:21:34,165 --> 00:21:36,085 Thank you, Tash. 492 00:21:37,685 --> 00:21:40,365 Right, let's do this. 493 00:21:41,485 --> 00:21:43,605 CYPRESS HILL: When The Ship Goes Down 494 00:21:45,125 --> 00:21:46,965 (GROANS) 495 00:21:48,485 --> 00:21:50,245 Fuck this, this is ridiculous. 496 00:21:50,365 --> 00:21:52,045 There's got to be an app. 497 00:21:52,165 --> 00:21:53,765 When the ship goes down 498 00:21:53,885 --> 00:21:55,325 You better be ready 499 00:21:55,445 --> 00:21:56,885 When the ship goes down 500 00:21:57,005 --> 00:21:58,605 When the ship goes down 501 00:21:58,725 --> 00:22:00,365 You better be ready 502 00:22:00,485 --> 00:22:01,885 When the ship goes down 503 00:22:02,005 --> 00:22:03,765 When the ship goes down 504 00:22:03,885 --> 00:22:05,445 You better be ready 505 00:22:05,565 --> 00:22:07,005 When the ship goes down 506 00:22:07,125 --> 00:22:08,725 When the ship goes down 507 00:22:08,845 --> 00:22:10,165 You better be ready 508 00:22:10,285 --> 00:22:12,205 You better be ready... 509 00:22:16,885 --> 00:22:19,805 subtitles by Deluxe E-mail sky.subtitles@sky.uk 510 00:22:19,855 --> 00:22:24,405 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 37286

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