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1
00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:29,631
Hi, honey. How was work?
2
00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:33,039
I didn't quite make it to work
this morning, Peg.
3
00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:36,198
You may not have noticed,
since you were too busy sleeping.
4
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:39,710
The city towed my car away again
this morning.
5
00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:42,798
They keep thinking
it's an abandoned car.
6
00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:47,879
- Why, Peg?
- It's a Dodge, Al.
7
00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:51,913
Any time you see a Dodge,
you think it's abandoned.
8
00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:56,518
Hey, by the way, where's your neck?
9
00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:01,551
Well, that's an amusing
little side story, Peg.
10
00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:04,077
You see, when I got to
the impound lot...
11
00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:06,635
...I saw my car was in line for
the wrecking ball.
12
00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:09,912
So I ran over and jumped in,
tried to stop it.
13
00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:16,877
But I was too late.
But I did get a free sunroof.
14
00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:23,114
Both for my car and my head.
Straighten me out, for God's sake, Peg.
15
00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:32,309
Thanks, Peg. You got any aspirin?
16
00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:37,635
Oh, just two.
17
00:02:39,080 --> 00:02:42,197
You know, your stories always
give me such a headache.
18
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:52,748
Hey, Dad, can I borrow your car?
I gotta go through a rough part of town.
19
00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:55,554
I found if I turn my hat backwards
and drive your car...
20
00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:58,513
...even the gangs cut me a wide path.
21
00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:01,355
Dodge says something
very special about you.
22
00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:04,876
Oh, yeah. It says,
"Damn right I failed."
23
00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:14,190
- Are you okay, Mrs. D'Arcy?
- Well, I was...
24
00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:16,470
...till I was swept up by
this huge machine...
25
00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:19,558
...which now knows me
as few men have.
26
00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:24,074
- Do you mind backing it up a bit?
- Sure, mister.
27
00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:31,316
Marcy, I saw what happened.
I ran right over.
28
00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:33,351
Nice bike.
29
00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:39,512
- Aren't you gonna ask me how I am?
- I asked you this morning.
30
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:43,554
How many times a day do I have to
ask you how you feel? I care, okay?
31
00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:47,435
Young man, do you have insurance?
32
00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,833
- Of course not.
- Insurance?
33
00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:55,274
Oh, I suppose having insurance
isn't cool anymore?
34
00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:57,397
Come on, Jefferson.
35
00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:04,477
I drove a moped in college,
so I understand the outlaw mentality.
36
00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:09,879
But the next time you run over my wife,
you better have insurance, pally.
37
00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:13,432
Nice bike.
38
00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:16,473
Punk.
39
00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:21,279
So did you have a good time today?
40
00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:24,597
Yeah, I always have fun
watching sausages being made.
41
00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:27,712
You know, I never knew
how many fingers went into them.
42
00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:31,713
Listen, I wanted to take you
out tomorrow...
43
00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:34,480
...because it's your birthday and all.
44
00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:37,831
And they say that jail
hardens a man.
45
00:04:40,840 --> 00:04:43,354
Oh, hi, Daddy.
Do you remember Frank?
46
00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:45,755
I barely remember Bud.
47
00:04:47,280 --> 00:04:50,113
- Your boss called. You're late for work.
- Whoops, I gotta run.
48
00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:54,029
- Daddy, give Frank a kiss for me, okay?
- Of course, pumpkin.
49
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:59,431
Relax, Frank. I don't kiss anyone
who doesn't cook for me. Ask the wife.
50
00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:04,389
Sir, I hope you don't mind I'm taking
your daughter out for her birthday.
51
00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:07,068
No kidding? It's her birthday?
52
00:05:07,280 --> 00:05:12,035
Well, what is she, 12, 30?
Who really cares.
53
00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:15,352
Just take her someplace special.
Wait a minute.
54
00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:23,951
There. Now beat it.
55
00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:29,269
Al, that attractive young thug
has shamed us.
56
00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:34,270
- We forgot Kelly's birthday again.
- So? Bundys don't celebrate birthdays.
57
00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:37,358
Oh, sure it causes irreparable,
emotional scars...
58
00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:39,710
...but saves a few bucks
in presents.
59
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:44,919
- Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
- Luscious hooters?
60
00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:53,832
No, I wasn't thinking that.
I should've been, but...
61
00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:57,276
I was thinking about
your sister's birthday.
62
00:05:57,480 --> 00:05:59,994
And we're missing
a grand opportunity here.
63
00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:02,760
I say we should ask
to take Kelly out.
64
00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:07,238
She'll say she has plans
and she'll actually think we care.
65
00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:11,512
And then we can just forget
Kelly's birthday forever.
66
00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:13,711
Because if she complains, we'll say:
67
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:15,672
"Well, we offered to take you out...
68
00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:19,953
...but you broke our hearts
when you turned us down."
69
00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:23,436
Bud, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
70
00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:27,834
- Kelly's a sucker?
- No. I was thinking of luscious hooters.
71
00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:33,192
I'd moved on.
Kelly, come down here. Hurry up.
72
00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:45,111
Smile all you want.
I am not pulling any of your fingers.
73
00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:49,313
Well, I guess one surprise
will have to do, then.
74
00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:52,791
Sweetheart, tomorrow
is a very important day.
75
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:57,630
- It's my little girl's birthday.
- Congratulations, Bud.
76
00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:03,873
I'm just kidding. I mean,
who would care about his birthday?
77
00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:07,277
- I can't believe you remembered mine.
- Not only did we remember it...
78
00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:11,234
...but we want to celebrate it by taking
you to the movies. With the family.
79
00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:14,638
Well, I have a date with Frank
and I really like him a lot.
80
00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:17,559
Oh, she's busy.
81
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,795
It's all right, honey. We understand.
82
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:25,151
But I am going to cancel my date
and go to the movies with you.
83
00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:28,079
I mean, you guys
are like a family to me.
84
00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:40,753
Happy now, bonehead?
85
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:44,396
Now this one's gonna want something
for his birthday too.
86
00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:48,111
Well, forget about it.
We don't even wanna know when it is.
87
00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:52,799
Fortunately, he has no friends
to tell us.
88
00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:55,434
He has no friends.
89
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,592
Eighteen movies in this Cineplex...
90
00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:08,270
...and the only one not sold out is
Coffee Cups For Two.
91
00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:10,990
I guess that must mean
it's gonna be real good.
92
00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:18,795
- Oh, lordy.
- Hey, wait a minute, Peg.
93
00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:21,833
- Wait. We can't afford that.
- Americans coming through.
94
00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:24,600
- Bonbon.
- Peg, we're on a limited budget here.
95
00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:25,755
Bonbon.
96
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:27,916
It's more expensive here
than anywhere else.
97
00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:31,510
- Bonbon.
- Bonbon.
98
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:34,473
And I would like a...
99
00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:41,914
And a large Diet Coke.
Yes, thank you very much.
100
00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:46,589
That'll be $100.
101
00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:56,869
But we don't need this dog here.
102
00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:18,794
How dare you
try to sell us empty boxes?
103
00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:23,556
I brought this from home.
104
00:09:25,680 --> 00:09:27,079
Let's go.
105
00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:40,072
You didn't see nothing, kid.
You understand me? Nothing.
106
00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:11,073
Thank you, family. This is
the bestest birthday I ever had.
107
00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:31,238
I can't believe he's here.
I am so upset.
108
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:37,630
Well, honey, it's kind of a family thing.
We couldn't leave Daddy home.
109
00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:41,917
No, Mom. Look, it's Frank.
110
00:10:42,280 --> 00:10:45,113
God, just because I broke our date,
he's out with another girl.
111
00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:48,756
And he has that talking-about-
his-uncle's-sausage look on his face.
112
00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:50,598
Oh, now, don't worry, honey.
113
00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:53,598
You're gonna have a great time.
You're with your family.
114
00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:05,959
Well, Dad, enough of this bonding.
I got a captive audience here.
115
00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:08,594
I'm gonna go bother me some girls.
116
00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:17,590
Hello.
117
00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:21,679
Allow me to introduce myself.
I'm your new boyfriend.
118
00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:25,040
Well, I'm your new ex-girlfriend.
119
00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:32,553
Call me.
120
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,639
Reginald Bundy, critic for the Times.
121
00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:45,673
You know, I get so few chances
to see films with the public.
122
00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:48,713
This time I wanna watch a film
exactly as the people do.
123
00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:51,309
So, if you don't mind...
124
00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:14,669
Oh, I see you're alone.
Well, don't worry...
125
00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:18,634
...because me and my beard
make just an excellent friend.
126
00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:24,750
Here's the popcorn you wanted, Lil.
127
00:12:26,560 --> 00:12:29,438
You know, some boy was
bothering me before.
128
00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:32,074
I wonder where he is now.
129
00:12:34,680 --> 00:12:37,069
Well, let me know if you see him.
130
00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:40,511
Damn. I'm sitting on
something lumpy.
131
00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:43,351
Probably a Milk Dud.
132
00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:15,592
You people have to
keep your feet down.
133
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:18,268
- Go chase yourself, peasant.
- Go on.
134
00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:21,670
Thank you for your cooperation.
135
00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:24,357
Ladies and gentlemen...
136
00:13:24,560 --> 00:13:28,553
...our theatres are participating in aSend a Kid to the Movies program.
137
00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:32,639
An usher will be collecting at the endof this feature. Thank you.
138
00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:39,995
- Hey, the movie's starting. Shut up.
- Save my seat, Peg.
139
00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:01,791
Gave me his popcorn.
140
00:14:02,360 --> 00:14:04,874
And now our feature presentation.
141
00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:08,353
Mom, did this ever happen to you
when you dated?
142
00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:12,110
Yes. Once. I was out with your dad...
143
00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:16,108
...and we saw this really cool boy
that I was dating out with another girl.
144
00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:17,799
So I had your Daddy beat him up.
145
00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:23,914
You know, that's what I love about your
dad. He's like a big, stupid guard dog.
146
00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:27,040
He didn't even ask why
he was beating the guy up.
147
00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:29,959
He just loved it so.
148
00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:35,312
Honey, men are to be ignored.
149
00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:38,717
Just pretend you're married to this guy.
You won't care what he does.
150
00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:44,030
Well, it's not so easy.
I mean, I wear my heart on my sleaze.
151
00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:49,238
Daddy, what makes men
cheat on women?
152
00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:50,919
Women.
153
00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:57,193
Pumpkin, don't take it personally.
See...
154
00:14:57,400 --> 00:15:01,359
...men are different. We're loners,
rogues, great white hunters...
155
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:05,792
...roaming wild and free,
like our ancestors, the mighty monkey.
156
00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:09,188
We need variety.
In fact, women like us that way.
157
00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:10,992
They want us to be that way.
158
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:13,350
Women don't respect men
unless they cheat.
159
00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:15,989
That's why your mother
doesn't respect me.
160
00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:21,159
But, honey, if it'll make you feel
any better... Booby. I saw a booby.
161
00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:25,910
Al, that is a forehead with a zit on it.
162
00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:30,273
Put on your glasses.
163
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:33,833
This is too much.
164
00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:35,917
I'm gonna get more popcorn
and complain...
165
00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:38,190
...to the manager there's
not enough hooters...
166
00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:40,391
...in this otherwise
undistinguished film.
167
00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:44,749
God, I've never been
cheated on before.
168
00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:46,393
Mom, am I losing it?
169
00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:51,549
Oh, no, honey. You don't lose it
till you're like 50 or 60.
170
00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:53,034
I mean, look at me.
171
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:58,758
I am getting sexier and, yes,
classier, every year.
172
00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:06,632
I can't be losing it.
I gotta see something.
173
00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:13,159
Excuse me.
Would you leave her for me?
174
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,437
You bet.
175
00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:19,994
Thanks.
176
00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:24,874
Well, that helped a little bit.
177
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:26,919
I hate men.
178
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:30,999
So does God.
That's why he made them want us.
179
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:44,079
Not to change the subject from men,
but where's your father?
180
00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:56,359
Peg? Kids?
Where the hell are you?
181
00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:05,834
Well, I complained to the manager
about the lack of hooters in this film.
182
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:10,957
You know, Peg, you're looking good
in this dim light.
183
00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:14,479
Remember what we used to do
at the movies?
184
00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:21,631
You're not Peg!
Peg! Peg, help me!
185
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:23,796
- Al?
- Peg?
186
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,389
- Al!
- Peg!
187
00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:31,037
- Al, you're in the wrong theatre again!
- What?
188
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:33,274
Damn multiplexes.
189
00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:38,310
Oh, my gosh. I think I see a booby.
190
00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:43,517
Peg, wait. I'll be over in a minute.
I think I'm seeing hooters here!
191
00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:46,836
I am seeing hooters here.
192
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:08,795
That was a beautiful, lovely movie.
I saw 22 hooters.
193
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:12,197
A bunch of guys were killed.
Had no story at all.
194
00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:18,952
It had... It had everything.
195
00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:39,271
Oh, my God. It's Mr. D'Arcy.
196
00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:41,596
What, is everybody
cheating on everybody?
197
00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:45,873
You know, I have got half a mind
to give him half a half of my mind.
198
00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:51,714
You. Neighbor boy.
199
00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:55,556
How dare you cheat on
your miserable, flat-chested...
200
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:59,435
...aged, skinny little wife
with this obvious slattern.
201
00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:04,430
I mean, look at her.
That hair. That slutty dress.
202
00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:07,754
Well, the dress is okay.
203
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:11,470
Go away, you idiot.
204
00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:17,518
Oh, I see. You guys are role-playing.
205
00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:21,269
Hey, Mom, Dad. The D'Arcys are
role-playing to get themselves hot.
206
00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:35,949
How am I supposed to scoresitting with my parents?
207
00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:40,235
I'm a cool guy and nobody knows itbecause I'm with my parents.
208
00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:42,431
Next time I'm gonna sit alone.
209
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:47,077
Yeah. Babes can't resist a guywho sits alone at the movies.
210
00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:50,680
Maybe I'll wear a raincoat.
211
00:19:57,520 --> 00:20:00,318
How long is this thing?
212
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:04,516
She loves him. He loves her.
213
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:06,517
I can't take it.
214
00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:10,196
I'm gonna run amuckand start dismembering everyone.
215
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:17,278
And I'm gonna start with her.
216
00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:24,914
Gee, this film has really touched Al.
217
00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:29,476
I see a tear in his eye.
218
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:33,629
I think I actually mayget some tonight.
219
00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:38,675
Thank you, Cosmo.
You really do know men.
220
00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:43,473
I like the way my hair tastes tonight.
221
00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:52,753
I can't take this anymore.
It's like Chinese waiter torture.
222
00:20:57,720 --> 00:20:59,358
I have to talk.
223
00:21:06,120 --> 00:21:09,112
- Hello, Frank.
- Kelly.
224
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:13,796
It's not what you think. You see,
I was planning on using her dentist...
225
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:16,116
...and I was just
checking out his work.
226
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:22,309
Well, I might have bought that if I didn't
know that you see an excellent dentist.
227
00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:24,875
But, you know, it's okay.
228
00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:28,789
I mean, at first I was hurt to see you
with someone else, but after all...
229
00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:31,230
...I cancelled the date.
It's my birthday...
230
00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:34,079
...and it is time
to handle my life maturely.
231
00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:37,636
I want you to know that I understand
what happened and it's okay.
232
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:48,637
- Daddy, beat him up.
- Of course, pumpkin.
233
00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:15,919
And that's why cable will never replace
the moviegoing experience.
19491
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