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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,117 --> 00:00:02,905 ♪♪ 2 00:00:02,963 --> 00:00:06,242 *THE SIMPSONS* Season 29 Episode 08 Title: "Mr. Lisa's Opus" 3 00:00:08,523 --> 00:00:09,936 D'oh! 4 00:00:21,221 --> 00:00:23,394 - Here's your raise. - D'oh! 5 00:00:23,548 --> 00:00:26,563 ♪♪ 6 00:00:32,973 --> 00:00:35,678 Light! Light! Light...! 7 00:00:35,790 --> 00:00:36,843 Light! 8 00:00:36,915 --> 00:00:38,570 - It's your turn to get up. - Light. 9 00:00:38,664 --> 00:00:41,173 Oh. I'll never understand how something 10 00:00:41,231 --> 00:00:44,954 that came from inside of you became my responsibility. 11 00:00:46,313 --> 00:00:48,470 - Mm. - Out! 12 00:00:48,969 --> 00:00:50,208 Light! 13 00:00:50,266 --> 00:00:52,305 Daddy. Breakfast. 14 00:00:52,453 --> 00:00:54,509 Geez, this kid's kind of smart. 15 00:00:54,567 --> 00:00:55,731 Tuesday. 16 00:00:55,821 --> 00:00:57,312 Au-Autumn. 17 00:00:57,648 --> 00:00:59,098 - She's a genius. - Foliage. 18 00:00:59,141 --> 00:01:01,768 Like the guy who invented shoes with lights in them. 19 00:01:01,835 --> 00:01:03,493 Cornucopia? 20 00:01:04,794 --> 00:01:08,111 Aw, sweetie, it's no surprise you're awesome. 21 00:01:08,196 --> 00:01:11,595 We didn't have to pull you out by the elbow, like the boy. 22 00:01:11,766 --> 00:01:12,993 Mwah. 23 00:01:15,504 --> 00:01:16,536 D'oh! 24 00:01:21,593 --> 00:01:23,844 Harvard College, admissions essay. 25 00:01:23,946 --> 00:01:25,540 Lisa M. Simpson. 26 00:01:25,652 --> 00:01:28,125 I was born with one great advantage in life... 27 00:01:28,183 --> 00:01:30,907 A voice that would make a rhino stick its horn up its butt? 28 00:01:30,978 --> 00:01:32,993 Rhinos are extinct, nimrod. 29 00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:35,692 Not hippos. I just saw one in smelly, blue pants. 30 00:01:35,750 --> 00:01:36,973 Why you little... 31 00:01:37,031 --> 00:01:39,633 I'm not little. I'm 20, and I live at home. 32 00:01:39,691 --> 00:01:41,956 - Oh, man. - Why you disappointing... 33 00:01:42,014 --> 00:01:44,196 You know you're choking someone who can vote. 34 00:01:44,345 --> 00:01:46,114 - But did you vote? - No. 35 00:01:46,212 --> 00:01:47,633 - Why you little... - Oh, come on, 36 00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:50,563 - man. - not voting fascist- nabling... 37 00:01:52,235 --> 00:01:55,166 Must stop President Kid Rock. 38 00:01:55,399 --> 00:01:57,954 I was born with one great advantage, 39 00:01:58,012 --> 00:02:00,711 a family that never made anything easy. 40 00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:03,345 Never more than on my seventh birthday. 41 00:02:08,018 --> 00:02:09,408 It's my birthday! 42 00:02:09,478 --> 00:02:10,594 Seven years old! 43 00:02:10,652 --> 00:02:13,422 I'll wear my favorite blue dress. 44 00:02:14,103 --> 00:02:16,001 I'll wear red, just for today. 45 00:02:16,060 --> 00:02:17,495 It's my birthday. 46 00:02:18,111 --> 00:02:19,658 I want bacon! 47 00:02:20,883 --> 00:02:21,985 Shh! 48 00:02:22,598 --> 00:02:24,485 I can't get Maggie to sleep. 49 00:02:24,543 --> 00:02:27,782 I guess I'll just have to start using these. 50 00:02:28,339 --> 00:02:29,808 _ 51 00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:33,110 Whoa, okay, okay. That's enough for now. 52 00:02:34,185 --> 00:02:36,688 Geez, come on. 53 00:02:38,785 --> 00:02:41,610 Don't make me put you under warm water. 54 00:02:43,022 --> 00:02:44,399 I give up. 55 00:02:48,159 --> 00:02:50,141 Anyone have anything to say to me? 56 00:02:50,275 --> 00:02:52,173 Well, of course, honey. 57 00:02:52,809 --> 00:02:54,555 Get ready for school or you'll be late. 58 00:02:55,693 --> 00:02:57,055 Oy, this baby. 59 00:02:57,689 --> 00:03:01,094 Lisa, sweetie, I know why you're excited. 60 00:03:01,152 --> 00:03:03,121 This is a very big day. 61 00:03:03,205 --> 00:03:04,517 Happy... 62 00:03:04,575 --> 00:03:07,384 hour at Moe's was extended by an hour. 63 00:03:07,533 --> 00:03:09,205 - Wh-What? - Mwah. 64 00:03:09,263 --> 00:03:11,389 ♪ Happy hour at Moe's ♪ 65 00:03:11,521 --> 00:03:13,700 ♪ Now he'll never close. ♪ 66 00:03:23,195 --> 00:03:26,656 Class, today is a very special day. 67 00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:28,675 It's someone's birthday. 68 00:03:28,789 --> 00:03:31,400 Someone whose parents pretended to forget. 69 00:03:31,458 --> 00:03:32,594 Yes. 70 00:03:32,652 --> 00:03:35,755 And that someone is... Hubert Wong. 71 00:03:35,820 --> 00:03:37,877 Happy birthday, superstar. 72 00:03:39,544 --> 00:03:43,181 Lisa, please don't ruin Hubert's birthday. 73 00:03:43,261 --> 00:03:45,354 You wouldn't like it if someone ruined yours. 74 00:03:47,278 --> 00:03:51,135 I am sorry, but if you can't control yourself, 75 00:03:51,206 --> 00:03:53,236 I'll have to send you to the office. 76 00:03:53,766 --> 00:03:57,918 But you saying that makes me wants to cry more. 77 00:04:05,179 --> 00:04:06,548 Mmm! 78 00:04:06,606 --> 00:04:09,330 No, Hubert. No cupcake for her. 79 00:04:14,577 --> 00:04:17,220 Lisa, school is a place for sitting quietly. 80 00:04:17,364 --> 00:04:18,737 What about learning? 81 00:04:18,806 --> 00:04:20,706 No longer part of our mandate. 82 00:04:20,767 --> 00:04:23,030 Did your mom ever disappoint you? 83 00:04:23,088 --> 00:04:24,900 This isn't about mother, 84 00:04:24,958 --> 00:04:26,841 so don't say a mother word about her. 85 00:04:26,987 --> 00:04:29,143 Don't you dare, Mother, don't you dare. 86 00:04:29,205 --> 00:04:31,033 Ah. It's just me, a student. 87 00:04:31,142 --> 00:04:33,774 I can't hear you, Mother. 88 00:04:37,346 --> 00:04:39,909 She's everywhere and everyone. 89 00:04:40,111 --> 00:04:43,338 I'm everywhere because you're nothing. 90 00:04:44,504 --> 00:04:46,687 Thanks for getting me out of work, sweetie. 91 00:04:46,756 --> 00:04:48,994 - Want the rest of my donut? - No, sir. 92 00:04:49,052 --> 00:04:50,448 What? 93 00:04:50,506 --> 00:04:52,474 Aw, please tell me what's wrong. 94 00:04:52,577 --> 00:04:55,480 I can't tell you. You just have to know. 95 00:04:55,594 --> 00:04:57,896 - Would tickling help matters? - No. 96 00:04:57,986 --> 00:04:59,987 Well, that's really all I have in my toolbox. 97 00:05:00,045 --> 00:05:02,734 Okay, let me think. What's today? Tuesday? 98 00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:04,715 - Yes. - That would make you 99 00:05:04,773 --> 00:05:09,047 six years and 365 days old. 100 00:05:09,167 --> 00:05:10,190 Yes. 101 00:05:10,248 --> 00:05:11,982 It's your birthday! 102 00:05:12,045 --> 00:05:14,232 And you forgot it, Lisa. 103 00:05:14,365 --> 00:05:16,922 But because it's your birthday, I forgive you. 104 00:05:17,092 --> 00:05:19,177 And you're gonna have the best day ever. 105 00:05:19,322 --> 00:05:21,177 Optimism, you're back. 106 00:05:24,281 --> 00:05:25,722 Attention, world. 107 00:05:25,804 --> 00:05:29,356 It's little Lisa's birthday, and you all forgot. 108 00:05:29,506 --> 00:05:30,763 Not me. 109 00:05:31,255 --> 00:05:33,833 Now I suppose I got to get your kid something. 110 00:05:33,891 --> 00:05:35,630 Just remember them in your prayers. 111 00:05:35,751 --> 00:05:37,786 Both of them? Fine. 112 00:05:37,918 --> 00:05:43,378 ♪ Happy birthday, dear Lisa ♪ 113 00:05:43,461 --> 00:05:48,032 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 114 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:50,976 ♪ We all forgot. ♪ 115 00:05:53,998 --> 00:05:56,834 And all was well, until the next year, 116 00:05:56,949 --> 00:05:58,278 when they forgot again. 117 00:05:58,359 --> 00:05:59,927 I mean, really, two in a row? 118 00:06:00,013 --> 00:06:01,864 Even Luigi remembers it. 119 00:06:01,922 --> 00:06:04,177 Well, we have-a the same-a birthday. 120 00:06:04,302 --> 00:06:07,552 Makes it easy. You, me, and Hubert Wong. 121 00:06:07,709 --> 00:06:11,786 That's a-right, Hubert. Cupcake for her. 122 00:06:17,032 --> 00:06:18,375 As I got older 123 00:06:18,433 --> 00:06:20,847 I realized, as all must, 124 00:06:21,300 --> 00:06:24,399 that my parents were not demigods. 125 00:06:25,458 --> 00:06:27,293 You are going to die soon. 126 00:06:27,351 --> 00:06:28,426 Shut up. 127 00:06:28,484 --> 00:06:30,102 You are going to die soon. 128 00:06:30,159 --> 00:06:31,250 Shut up. 129 00:06:31,308 --> 00:06:32,908 Blood pressure spiking. 130 00:06:33,018 --> 00:06:34,320 Shut up! 131 00:06:34,458 --> 00:06:37,093 Calling your doctor. 132 00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:38,308 Hello? 133 00:06:39,081 --> 00:06:40,269 Shut up! 134 00:06:40,331 --> 00:06:42,112 No, they are a man and a woman 135 00:06:42,175 --> 00:06:44,066 trapped in a fragile marriage 136 00:06:44,124 --> 00:06:47,560 that nearly fell apart when I turned 14. 137 00:06:49,251 --> 00:06:51,220 Happy birthday! Happy birthday! 138 00:06:51,287 --> 00:06:53,655 I remembered! Don't tell your therapist. 139 00:06:53,713 --> 00:06:56,716 ♪ Lisa, it's your birthday ♪ 140 00:06:56,980 --> 00:07:00,316 ♪ Here's five brand-new verses ♪ 141 00:07:00,435 --> 00:07:03,537 ♪ Soon you'll be a woman ♪ 142 00:07:03,685 --> 00:07:06,421 ♪ Soon you'll be in love ♪ 143 00:07:06,495 --> 00:07:09,776 ♪ Who'd be better to take advice from ♪ 144 00:07:09,834 --> 00:07:12,498 ♪ Than a man who wears one glove? ♪ 145 00:07:12,669 --> 00:07:13,816 Hee-hee! 146 00:07:13,873 --> 00:07:17,208 ♪ Lisa, it's your birthday ♪ 147 00:07:17,323 --> 00:07:20,623 ♪ Happy birthday, Lisa ♪ 148 00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:23,862 ♪ Lisa, it's your birthday ♪ 149 00:07:24,140 --> 00:07:27,342 ♪ Happy birthday, Lisa. ♪ 150 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:29,354 - Yeah. - Mm-hmm. 151 00:07:29,412 --> 00:07:32,045 Thank you. It's a wonderful cake, Dad, 152 00:07:32,103 --> 00:07:33,357 but I'm 14. 153 00:07:33,438 --> 00:07:34,514 D'oh! 154 00:07:36,396 --> 00:07:37,787 Happy birthday, Lisa. 155 00:07:37,854 --> 00:07:39,779 We miss you in second grade. 156 00:07:39,837 --> 00:07:42,639 Oh, someday you'll get out of there, Ralph. 157 00:07:42,718 --> 00:07:44,935 I don't want to. I'm bigger than teacher. 158 00:07:45,030 --> 00:07:47,435 I broke my desk. Teacher cry. 159 00:07:47,545 --> 00:07:50,912 I'm growing a mustache under my long nose. 160 00:07:54,187 --> 00:07:56,499 Better use Mom's closet. 161 00:07:58,475 --> 00:08:01,243 Oof. It's full? 162 00:08:05,487 --> 00:08:07,749 Read me. Read me. 163 00:08:07,807 --> 00:08:09,441 Come on, help a letter out. 164 00:08:11,577 --> 00:08:12,844 "Dear Homer, 165 00:08:12,965 --> 00:08:14,675 By the time you read this..." 166 00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:15,769 I will be gone. 167 00:08:15,827 --> 00:08:18,081 Since we married, you've changed. 168 00:08:18,163 --> 00:08:19,706 Not once for the better. 169 00:08:19,882 --> 00:08:21,852 What's it say? I can't read. 170 00:08:22,060 --> 00:08:24,112 So I'm taking the kids and opening 171 00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:25,784 a bed-and-breakfast. 172 00:08:25,858 --> 00:08:27,826 Speaking German... 173 00:08:30,426 --> 00:08:31,960 Bitterly, Marge. 174 00:08:32,895 --> 00:08:35,811 Is Mom really leaving Dad? 175 00:08:41,146 --> 00:08:43,349 So, you finally left him. 176 00:08:43,499 --> 00:08:46,235 Well, good for me and good for you. 177 00:08:46,490 --> 00:08:49,926 I finally learned how to unhook a bra with one hand. 178 00:08:50,068 --> 00:08:52,345 Lisa, I know what you're doing. 179 00:08:55,354 --> 00:08:57,221 You're hiding when you're supposed to help me 180 00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:58,530 give the dog a bath. 181 00:08:58,588 --> 00:09:00,189 Mom, Mom! 182 00:09:01,093 --> 00:09:03,950 Hey, hey, hey, hey. I'm not going anywhere. 183 00:09:04,027 --> 00:09:05,934 Oh, God bless you, inertia. 184 00:09:05,992 --> 00:09:08,231 Not until I wash this dog. 185 00:09:09,515 --> 00:09:11,615 Bart, Mom's leaving Dad. 186 00:09:11,776 --> 00:09:13,145 Oh, the poor guy. 187 00:09:13,216 --> 00:09:15,458 Please let me tell him, please. 188 00:09:15,728 --> 00:09:16,864 Pass the gravy. 189 00:09:16,922 --> 00:09:20,159 We used to call it "grave," but that was too scary. 190 00:09:20,217 --> 00:09:23,411 So we modified it to "gravy," unless it had meat chunks. 191 00:09:23,477 --> 00:09:28,098 In which case, it was "gravier," but the war changed everything. 192 00:09:28,184 --> 00:09:29,489 Ugh. 193 00:09:30,145 --> 00:09:33,325 I wish you wouldn't drink so much in front of the kids. 194 00:09:33,390 --> 00:09:36,114 Marge, I tried to drink in the pantry, 195 00:09:36,231 --> 00:09:38,467 but you claim that's antisocial. 196 00:09:38,565 --> 00:09:40,778 Ugh. Why don't you just go to Moe's? 197 00:09:40,870 --> 00:09:44,833 You want me to go to a bar on my daughter's birthday? 198 00:09:44,891 --> 00:09:46,778 That is so messed up. 199 00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:50,059 I'm going, of course, but it is so messed up. 200 00:09:50,198 --> 00:09:51,298 Happy birthday. 201 00:09:57,723 --> 00:10:00,551 Harvard will save me. Harvard will save me. 202 00:10:02,787 --> 00:10:06,583 Kiss me, Lisa, in front of the hall my grandfather endowed. 203 00:10:06,817 --> 00:10:11,044 He made his money in opium, but we said it was molasses. 204 00:10:13,042 --> 00:10:15,143 First, I have to save my parents' marriage. 205 00:10:15,201 --> 00:10:16,716 Wait here in this fantasy? 206 00:10:16,774 --> 00:10:19,810 Yeah, can we, um, you know, see other people? 207 00:10:19,868 --> 00:10:21,341 Sure. 208 00:10:37,897 --> 00:10:40,272 Man, Moe, you sure are spry. 209 00:10:40,330 --> 00:10:42,921 The job keeps me young, eh. 210 00:10:47,884 --> 00:10:50,257 Dad! Mom is gonna leave you. 211 00:10:50,335 --> 00:10:52,913 Sweetie, marriages are like water heaters... 212 00:10:52,971 --> 00:10:54,843 they sit peacefully for years 213 00:10:54,901 --> 00:10:58,764 until they explode in a fireball ruining everything you own. 214 00:10:58,822 --> 00:11:00,288 Mom packed her bags. 215 00:11:00,425 --> 00:11:03,135 Which suitcase? The one with the broken wheel? 216 00:11:03,193 --> 00:11:05,577 Because she won't get more than a block away with that. 217 00:11:05,635 --> 00:11:07,100 She fixed the wheel. 218 00:11:07,158 --> 00:11:08,198 Oh, God! 219 00:11:10,577 --> 00:11:12,483 - Dad, you've got to shape up. - Hmm? 220 00:11:12,541 --> 00:11:14,009 I'm 14-years-old. 221 00:11:14,420 --> 00:11:17,222 These next four years are the last memories I'll have 222 00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:18,647 of all of us together. 223 00:11:18,705 --> 00:11:20,172 I'll do anything you say, sweetie. 224 00:11:20,230 --> 00:11:22,232 I want you to stop drinking. 225 00:11:22,306 --> 00:11:23,474 Stop drinking? 226 00:11:23,532 --> 00:11:26,368 But that's like asking a golfer to stop drinking. 227 00:11:27,256 --> 00:11:28,632 I never thought I'd say this, 228 00:11:28,690 --> 00:11:30,850 but I'd better text my sponsor. 229 00:11:30,908 --> 00:11:32,275 Homer's got a sponsor? 230 00:11:32,333 --> 00:11:35,135 Uh, what idiot would lean into that buzz saw? 231 00:11:35,193 --> 00:11:37,863 Hey, hey! I'm the man from A-diddly-A! 232 00:11:37,975 --> 00:11:40,733 Ned, I have to quit drinking. Now! 233 00:11:40,835 --> 00:11:43,691 All right, soberino, it's just 12 simple steps. 234 00:11:43,749 --> 00:11:45,093 Oh, 12? 235 00:11:45,163 --> 00:11:46,585 Fine. Nine. 236 00:11:46,643 --> 00:11:47,686 Oh! 237 00:11:47,780 --> 00:11:50,077 Okay, step one: Admit you're powerless. 238 00:11:50,178 --> 00:11:52,041 I'm powerless. Boom! Done. 239 00:11:52,108 --> 00:11:55,405 Step two: Admit there is a power greater than yourself. 240 00:11:55,525 --> 00:11:59,085 Um, if I'm powerless, isn't every power greater than myself? 241 00:11:59,147 --> 00:12:01,389 This is the 12 steps, not 20 questions. 242 00:12:01,499 --> 00:12:04,220 Now, make a decision to turn your life to God. 243 00:12:04,615 --> 00:12:07,957 God. He's in every deal, like undercoating. Fine. 244 00:12:08,093 --> 00:12:10,159 Make a searching moral inventory of yourself. 245 00:12:10,226 --> 00:12:13,963 If I have one tiny flaw, it's that I have many enormous flaws. 246 00:12:14,030 --> 00:12:15,497 Admit the nature of your wrongs. 247 00:12:15,564 --> 00:12:18,030 Well, I'm not the best parallel parker. 248 00:12:18,088 --> 00:12:21,492 Are you ready for God to remove these defects? 249 00:12:21,550 --> 00:12:23,792 Dear Lord, the Satan of Heaven, 250 00:12:23,850 --> 00:12:25,405 I order you to fix me. 251 00:12:25,463 --> 00:12:27,339 Okay, I'm just gonna fast-forward through this. 252 00:12:27,397 --> 00:12:28,972 - Make amends. - Here's your wallet. 253 00:12:29,030 --> 00:12:30,797 - Engage in prayer. - I pray you're not mad. 254 00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:32,681 And have a spiritual awakening. 255 00:12:34,537 --> 00:12:36,891 Things that cost $9.99 256 00:12:37,023 --> 00:12:38,977 are really ten dollars! 257 00:12:39,035 --> 00:12:41,971 The Lord has spoken, and it is good! 258 00:12:42,132 --> 00:12:44,055 That's it. No more drinking. 259 00:12:44,406 --> 00:12:46,398 Look at those, guys. 260 00:12:46,563 --> 00:12:48,172 I used to be like them. 261 00:12:48,729 --> 00:12:50,471 Oh, I'm overjoyed for thee. 262 00:12:50,565 --> 00:12:53,289 Call me anytime you hear the devil's seductive voice. 263 00:12:53,359 --> 00:12:54,423 Homer? 264 00:12:54,546 --> 00:12:55,947 Homer... 265 00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:58,219 Homer... 266 00:12:58,277 --> 00:13:01,992 How's about a Flaming Moe? 267 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:05,290 Drink me! 268 00:13:05,414 --> 00:13:08,867 I'm the most overpriced thing at Universal Studios! 269 00:13:09,009 --> 00:13:10,978 No! I won't do it! 270 00:13:15,110 --> 00:13:18,812 Lisa, sweetie, let's celebrate your birthday! 271 00:13:18,894 --> 00:13:19,963 Yes! 272 00:13:20,198 --> 00:13:21,731 Ah, honey. 273 00:13:21,798 --> 00:13:23,094 I'm so sorry. 274 00:13:23,157 --> 00:13:24,813 I miss you so much. 275 00:13:26,500 --> 00:13:28,451 He did quit, for good, 276 00:13:28,605 --> 00:13:32,073 and it was the best birthday present I ever got. 277 00:13:32,138 --> 00:13:34,641 Well, the essay is pretty trite. 278 00:13:34,793 --> 00:13:37,628 But her grades are perfect, her extracurricular's stellar, 279 00:13:37,748 --> 00:13:40,175 and she'll be the first from her state, ever. 280 00:13:40,272 --> 00:13:43,015 Admit! And now for our instantaneous letter 281 00:13:43,073 --> 00:13:44,573 of acceptance. 282 00:13:48,667 --> 00:13:51,593 I'm in! And I accept! 283 00:13:51,737 --> 00:13:53,378 ♪♪ 284 00:14:07,644 --> 00:14:12,183 I'm here! And it's Ivy-er than my Ivy-est dreams. 285 00:14:12,535 --> 00:14:14,737 - Lisa Simpson. - Lisa Simpson? 286 00:14:14,839 --> 00:14:17,800 Hmm, I'm sorry, but there must be some mistake. 287 00:14:17,858 --> 00:14:19,917 - Oh, no! - Ha! Gotcha! 288 00:14:20,087 --> 00:14:22,022 My one moment of superiority 289 00:14:22,145 --> 00:14:24,573 before a lifetime of begging you for money. 290 00:14:30,862 --> 00:14:33,855 Come on, sweetie, let me carry you over the threshold. 291 00:14:33,913 --> 00:14:37,308 Dad! That's for weddings. 292 00:14:37,366 --> 00:14:39,253 I think Dad's turning into Grampa. 293 00:14:39,388 --> 00:14:40,556 Hey, I don't need 294 00:14:40,663 --> 00:14:42,027 to listen to that hooey! 295 00:14:42,084 --> 00:14:45,133 Because I make tie clips out of maple syrup, 296 00:14:45,191 --> 00:14:47,425 but only for Flag Day! 297 00:14:47,592 --> 00:14:49,534 ♪ By the sea, by the sea ♪ 298 00:14:49,592 --> 00:14:51,331 ♪ By the beautiful sea... ♪ 299 00:14:51,459 --> 00:14:54,433 This is great... we don't have to visit Grampa anymore. 300 00:15:02,823 --> 00:15:05,054 Chug, chug, chug. 301 00:15:05,112 --> 00:15:07,447 Really, man, I've had enough. 302 00:15:07,605 --> 00:15:10,691 The hazing ends when we say it ends. 303 00:15:10,788 --> 00:15:12,605 Do you need any help unpacking? 304 00:15:12,796 --> 00:15:16,537 Mom, I need to learn to do these things for myself. 305 00:15:22,616 --> 00:15:23,901 Sorry, friend, 306 00:15:23,959 --> 00:15:26,193 you can't pahk your cah in Hahvahd Yahd. 307 00:15:27,871 --> 00:15:30,107 I can't what my what in what what what? 308 00:15:30,165 --> 00:15:31,701 You can't pahk... 309 00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:33,883 - Yes...? - In Hahvahd Yahd. 310 00:15:33,950 --> 00:15:36,652 - Are you on Novocain? - Yes, but recreationally. 311 00:15:36,719 --> 00:15:38,482 Now, move your craptastic cah. 312 00:15:40,990 --> 00:15:42,424 Hi. I'm Caitlyn. 313 00:15:42,482 --> 00:15:44,201 Ha. My roommate. 314 00:15:44,282 --> 00:15:46,302 So, you play an instrument? 315 00:15:46,474 --> 00:15:47,584 Bari sax. 316 00:15:47,665 --> 00:15:50,400 - Are you good? - I played at Kenny G's funeral. 317 00:15:50,603 --> 00:15:52,599 Ooh, she's pretty impressive. 318 00:15:52,748 --> 00:15:55,591 Uh... any childhood heartbreak? 319 00:15:55,656 --> 00:15:58,024 My parents forgot my birthday three times. 320 00:15:58,162 --> 00:16:00,143 She beats me at everything! 321 00:16:00,201 --> 00:16:01,466 I don't belong here. 322 00:16:01,533 --> 00:16:04,068 While you were feeling inferior, I took the top bunk. 323 00:16:06,904 --> 00:16:08,705 Stroke, stroke, 324 00:16:08,858 --> 00:16:10,646 stroke, stroke... 325 00:16:10,794 --> 00:16:12,477 I'm not even gonna make it 326 00:16:12,576 --> 00:16:13,794 through freshman week. 327 00:16:13,857 --> 00:16:15,584 - Hey, little sister. - Well! 328 00:16:15,685 --> 00:16:17,755 At least you're having a good time. 329 00:16:17,813 --> 00:16:19,800 Yeah, these girls want me to piss off their parents 330 00:16:19,857 --> 00:16:21,169 before they head home. 331 00:16:23,755 --> 00:16:25,224 Get away from him, Mandy! 332 00:16:25,341 --> 00:16:26,877 I'll pay! I'll pay! 333 00:16:26,935 --> 00:16:28,529 Tell him I have two kids. 334 00:16:28,646 --> 00:16:31,169 The beauty part is, it's not a lie. 335 00:16:32,404 --> 00:16:34,732 You always know what to say, Bart. 336 00:16:34,899 --> 00:16:37,541 Well, try this. I've known you all your life, 337 00:16:37,599 --> 00:16:41,182 and if there's one thing I know, it's that you belong here. 338 00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:42,370 You're gonna study harder, 339 00:16:42,428 --> 00:16:44,005 you're gonna ask better questions, 340 00:16:44,069 --> 00:16:46,224 you're gonna get into their brains like an earworm 341 00:16:46,282 --> 00:16:48,099 and chew, chew, chew! 342 00:16:49,282 --> 00:16:50,888 Now, make Mom and Dad proud. 343 00:16:50,946 --> 00:16:52,138 And then I'll make 'em proud. 344 00:16:52,196 --> 00:16:53,992 - But you first. - Thank you. 345 00:17:02,758 --> 00:17:03,938 This is it. 346 00:17:03,996 --> 00:17:06,336 I'm on my own for the rest of my life. 347 00:17:07,969 --> 00:17:10,189 Huh? Are you my roommate, too? 348 00:17:10,389 --> 00:17:13,500 For now. Till they kick me out. 349 00:17:13,652 --> 00:17:15,887 Everyone thinks they're not gonna make it. 350 00:17:16,070 --> 00:17:18,208 I already got kicked out of a psycho single 351 00:17:18,266 --> 00:17:21,102 'cause my roommate didn't like me. 352 00:17:21,169 --> 00:17:23,774 She used all the "shampoo"! 353 00:17:24,709 --> 00:17:26,271 I just think you're funny. 354 00:17:27,232 --> 00:17:30,030 So I suppose you want to tell me your SATs. 355 00:17:30,144 --> 00:17:31,880 Very much. But I won't. 356 00:17:31,947 --> 00:17:33,181 Tell me about you. 357 00:17:33,248 --> 00:17:34,539 I'm already homesick. 358 00:17:34,617 --> 00:17:36,392 I was always the kid that didn't fit in. 359 00:17:36,451 --> 00:17:37,758 Middle child. 360 00:17:38,328 --> 00:17:40,078 Artsy. And I play 361 00:17:40,136 --> 00:17:42,766 the most unpopular instrument there is: 362 00:17:42,844 --> 00:17:44,555 the jazz clarinet. 363 00:17:44,623 --> 00:17:45,961 Hmm! 364 00:17:47,091 --> 00:17:50,203 ♪♪ Playing lively jazz... 365 00:17:50,353 --> 00:17:53,977 ♪♪ 366 00:17:55,727 --> 00:17:58,016 You know your way around a licorice stick, kid. 367 00:17:58,099 --> 00:18:01,172 You blow a mean fish hook yourself, sister! 368 00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:03,696 - Let's talk normal now. - Thank you. 369 00:18:03,776 --> 00:18:06,216 You know, today I was hoping I would meet... 370 00:18:06,336 --> 00:18:08,137 - A lifelong friend? - Yes! 371 00:18:08,236 --> 00:18:09,844 Here I am. 372 00:18:09,992 --> 00:18:11,319 ♪♪ 373 00:18:11,386 --> 00:18:13,354 730 verbal, 790 math, 374 00:18:13,412 --> 00:18:14,813 800 telekinesis. 375 00:18:17,159 --> 00:18:19,313 740 verbal, 780 math, 376 00:18:19,375 --> 00:18:21,061 and I speak fluent cat! 377 00:18:23,176 --> 00:18:24,710 I have a friend! 378 00:18:25,362 --> 00:18:27,731 Oh. Maybe more than a friend. 379 00:18:27,947 --> 00:18:30,008 After that day, I never looked back... 380 00:18:30,156 --> 00:18:32,920 except for all the time I just spent looking back. 381 00:18:33,616 --> 00:18:34,953 But I never doubted 382 00:18:35,011 --> 00:18:36,961 that who I am was good enough. 383 00:18:37,066 --> 00:18:39,821 ♪♪ Upbeat smooth jazz playing... 384 00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:44,305 ♪♪ 385 00:18:45,276 --> 00:18:49,086 ♪♪ 386 00:18:59,983 --> 00:19:02,230 Light! Light...! 387 00:19:02,383 --> 00:19:04,000 Sweetie, you're one year old, 388 00:19:04,058 --> 00:19:07,164 and you're already the most amazing thing I ever did. 389 00:19:07,222 --> 00:19:08,823 Daddy happy. 390 00:19:09,105 --> 00:19:11,072 Daddy very happy. 391 00:19:11,258 --> 00:19:14,188 Daddy euphoric! 392 00:19:14,297 --> 00:19:17,115 Aw. She's making up words. 393 00:19:18,906 --> 00:19:22,086 ♪ Boy, the way Nirvana played ♪ 394 00:19:22,242 --> 00:19:25,492 ♪ Steroids caused a hit parade ♪ 395 00:19:25,641 --> 00:19:28,997 ♪ Beanie Babies had it made ♪ 396 00:19:29,055 --> 00:19:32,192 ♪ Those were the days ♪ 397 00:19:32,250 --> 00:19:35,856 ♪ And we had real heroes then ♪ 398 00:19:35,914 --> 00:19:40,110 ♪ Like Jar Jar Binks ♪ ♪ and Qui-Gon Jinn ♪ 399 00:19:40,211 --> 00:19:43,122 ♪ Mister, we could use a man ♪ 400 00:19:43,180 --> 00:19:46,888 ♪ Like Richard Simmons again ♪ 401 00:19:46,946 --> 00:19:49,969 ♪ Watching films like Gilbert Grape ♪ 402 00:19:50,039 --> 00:19:53,223 ♪ Then rewinding all the tape ♪ 403 00:19:53,281 --> 00:19:57,903 ♪ Gee, our modem dialed up great ♪ 404 00:20:01,024 --> 00:20:07,114 ♪ Those were the days... ♪ 405 00:20:07,172 --> 00:20:09,617 Very nice. See you in court. 406 00:20:10,038 --> 00:20:13,211 Light! Light! Light...! 407 00:20:13,358 --> 00:20:15,092 Au-Autumn. 408 00:20:15,392 --> 00:20:19,055 ♪♪ 409 00:20:19,549 --> 00:20:23,203 ♪♪ 410 00:21:00,287 --> 00:21:03,895 ♪♪ 28802

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