All language subtitles for shameless.us.s09e11.720p.web.h264-amcon

I'm getting
really sick and tired

of this "having to tell you
what happened last week" shit.

Take some notes or something.

Get a pencil.
Grab some paper.

I'm serious.
I can wait.

Your father is gonna be
the new Hobo Loco

beverage spokesperson.

Soon I'll be able
to support those I love.

Little Frank-ettes.

Each day, you'll be given

timed challenges.
Those of you

who fail
to complete the tasks

will be eliminated.

All's fair in love
and hobo wars, Frank.

Whoa!

All's fair, Mikey O.

All's fair.

You will bleed out
and die

if you carry six babies
to term.

She's trying to kill my babies!

Ingrid?
Ingrid?

Oh, crap.

I think I might be gay.

I've just been feeling ways

that I never felt before.

Nice ass.

Hey, so what's the job?
Busboy?

Uh, dishwasher?

Street corner sign spinner.

You'll be back
tomorrow, right?

Yeah.

Die!

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Stop!

We don't like him.

Santiago's a good guy.

Oh, fuck.

- Xan?
- I didn't know

where else to go.

Yo, wakey, wakey.

Get the fuck away from me!

You smell like booze.

- You're fired.
- What?

Some lady
called the cops on me.

- What'd you do?
- Selling lemonade

in front of her house.

Motherfucker.

That was my brother
with the lemonade stand.

The Venom - $5 million GTD Poker Tourney
Download AmericasCardroom.com

*SHAMELESS*
Season 09 Episode 11

Episode Title: "The Hobo Games"

? Think of all
the luck you got ?

? Know that
it's not for naught ?

? You were beaming
once before ?

? But it's not like that
anymore ?

? What is this downside ?

? That you speak of? ?

? What is this feeling ?

? You're so sure of? ?

? Round up
the friends you got ?

? Know that
they're not for naught ?

? You were willing
once before ?

? But it's not like that
anymore ?

? What is this downside ?

? That you speak of? ?

? What is this feeling ?

? You're so sure of? ?

Good morning,
peaches and cream,

number one girl.

How's my six embryos today?

You mean George,

Gordy, Glenn, Gladys,

Gina, and Gabby Gallagher?

We're pissed, Frank.

We're pregnant
and we're lonely

and we're tired of hiding
from Dr. Kwan

in this dark rat cave basement.

The final's today.

I want you home now.
I want you home now.

I want you the fuck home now.

Right now.

Well, yeah, sure,

you... you want that, honey.

This is for the future
of our children.

You can't ask me
to quit now.

You can't ask LeBron James

not to play in the playoffs.

I'll be home tonight,
a winner,

50...

Motherfucker!

Ingy?

Things
a tad stressful

with the little lady, Frank?

Might be time to wash up
and head home.

Nah.

She was just calling
to remind me

to be humble when I win.

I don't know.

That sounded a lot like a woman
wanting you to quit.

Probably should.

I've quit many things
in my life, Mikey...

School, jobs, marriages,

rehab several times.

I am not quitting this.

I am the Hobo Loco Mofo.

Okay...

? Oh ?

? You don't even know
what you're talking about ?

What are you doing?
That's my Oxy!

Hey, that bitch
stole my Oxy!

You fucking skank bitch!

Get her!

South Side piece of shit!

Croissants?

Where the hell'd
we get croissants?

That Randy guy
keeps dropping off baked goods.

Who?

Mm, creepy guy.
Ingrid's ex-husband.

The more she refuses
to come out of the basement,

the more baked goods
he drops off

on our front porch.
I mean, look at this.

Cinnamon rolls, doughnut,
doughnut holes...

Kelly, have you tried
the cinnamon bread yet?

I know.
Better than sex.

Mm.

What's everybody
up to today?

Carl's looking
for buried treasure!

Oh, laugh it up, guys,
laugh it up,

but come payday, you'll see
who the real captain is.

I gotta replace
that janky furnace today.

You know how much
the guy who quoted me went for?

- 7,500 bucks.
- Jesus.

Yeah, I'm gonna find
a used one on Craigslist.

Craigslist is for murderers,
isn't it?

Nah.
I've Craigslist-ed, like,

40 times.
Only gotten rape-y vibes once.

You should try the scrapyard
out past West Lake.

My dad used to go there
for parts

when he was rebuilding
his World War II

reenactment Sherman tanks,

and we saw furnaces there
all the time.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

- Where in West Lake?
- I'll show you.

I don't have anything else
going on today.

- Cool.
- Um, no,

you have softball camp,

so you can't hang out

with Debbie today,
'cause softball camp.

"Softball camp."

You can skip camp,
can't you, Kell?

Totally.
Girls' day.

We'll bring Franny.

It's a date.

Hey.

May I interest you
in a croissant?

We're a regular Starbucks.

No, thanks, I'm good.

Hey, um, are you still good
to give me and Xan

- a ride downtown at 10:00?
- Why are doughnuts...

- Yeah, uh, totally.
- Yeah?

Great.
I'll see you then.

Okay.

Kev, come on!

We're gonna be late!

Uh...

You go ahead!

I'll meet you there.

With what car?
What are you talking about?

Come on!

Hey!
What are you doing?

We're gonna be late!

I Googled it.

Googled what?

Vasectomies.

I saw a video on YouTube,
and no,

I'm not doing that shit.
No.

It's a two-millimeter incision

that heals in two days.

The common cold lasts longer.

It's an incision with a knife

into my ball bag.

It's what 89% of people do

when they don't want
to have kids anymore.

You agreed to this.
You said you wanted to do it.

I was emotionally distraught

from losing Santiago!

Kevin Ball,

get your ass out here
right now,

before I Lorena Bobbit you
myself.

Excellent.
In the car.

Ball family, out!

Ball out.

All right, hobos.
The final day

of the Hobo Loco Man challenge
is upon us.

Today, one of you
will be crowned

the Hobo Loco Man.

Three rounds today:

quarterfinals, semifinals,
and finals.

The first challenge is begging!

You'll have two hours

to make as much money
as you can begging.

Who do you think
our competition is today?

Hmm, sorority girl, I think,
is the dark horse.

I had a cousin once.
She was part of the Delta Nu.

She's dead.

Gloria?

Jesus.
But this guy.

He may be a strong finisher.

I saw him take a shit
in the alley

with no TP.

Wiped himself with a taco.

Hard or soft?

The taco?

- Hard.
- Wow.

- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.

.27.
Coming in hot.

Wow.

Your blood
is basically jet fuel.

I've been training
my whole life for this day.

.27 as well.

Ain't we even stephens?

All right, can I get
two hours on the clock?

And...

Go!

Come on, let's go,
go, go!

Tami's not here.
Should we bounce?

Let's give her
another minute.

See?
There.

That grate opens up to it.

If one of us goes under

and pushes up and one of us
stays here and pulls up...

We'll be able
to get it out!

Are you a top
or a bottom?

- I mean...
- I'll go down.

- You stay here.
- Right.

What you said.

You're looking a little flushed
there, Debs.

- You okay?
- Shut up.

What are you guys
still doing here?

Shouldn't you be downtown?

Yeah, you're right.

I should text her,
see what's up.

Okay.
Ready up there?

Yeah.
You got room to push?

I think so.

Jesus.

All right, Xan, come on.
We gotta take the El.

What happened to Tami?

She has to bail.

That all she said?

She gotta bail?

No text, no emoji,

- no sorry?
- Yeah. So?

So she flew out of here
this morning

and now you're getting
non-emoji cancellation texts?

- You're getting the D, son.
- Oh, come on.

People are allowed to bail,
all right?

Stuff comes up.
Texts are short.

Uh-huh.
Whatever helps you

sleep at night, pal.

She's right.
It's not looking good for you.

All right.
Come on, Xan.

Push!

Oh, yeah?
Well, I quit!

You ever worked
on the line, Carl?

In the kitchen?

Okay, let me ask you this.

Can you work Labor Day?

I guess.

Grab an apron.

The twins tortured
the Guatemalan refugees,

not me.

That's why this whole thing
is bullshit.

Now my wife's like,

"We can't bring babies
into the world,

because if we do,
our daughters will kill them."

Well, why is that
my scrotum's fault,

and why can't she just take
the pill,

like other women?

Why is it so much worse for her

to take a tiny little pill

that makes her "crazy"
than it is for me

to get my testicle lobbed off?

Your testicle
will not be "lobbed off," sir.

Only your vas deferens tubes
are blocked.

Oh, it's bullshit.

I'm calling bullshit
on vasectomies.

Time's up, vasectomies.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What is that?

Needle.

Local anesthesia.

Oh, good.
I'ma need a lot of that.

Uh, lots extra, please.

I don't want to feel anything
from my waist down.

Agh!

Yeah.

All right.
So what's my prognosis?

The prognosis?

How long am I gonna be
in extraordinary pain?

Oh, uh, day or two
at the most.

We've already called in
a Vicodin prescription

to your pharmacy,

so take that as needed.

All right.

You feel anything
down here?

Any feeling at all?

No.

Okay.

Now just try to relax,
Mr. Ball.

Is that a crack?

No.
Just your name, sir.

Uh, won't you make
yourself comfortable,

enjoy this Muzak,
and I'll be back shortly?

Okay.

Now push!

Are you pushing?

Yes, I'm pushing!

Psst!

Is the coast clear?

Yep.
Coast is clear.

Excellent.

I need some advice, Debbie.

Not for me.
For a friend.

- You got a sec?
- Sure, shoot.

Okay.

It's crowning!

- You're crowning.
- Awesome.

- I'll come up and pull.
- Okay.

So here is
my friend's situation.

She's pregnant,
and she's worried

that her man
won't be there for her

when her six babies come,

so she's asked me
what to do.

How will she know

that he's really gonna
be there?

Frank is not going
to be there for you.

Definitely not, Ms. Jones.

You should run away
with that ex-husband guy.

He loves you.

People change.

That is the entire basis
of my therapeutic practice...

That people change.

Frank can change, right?

No.
Times a million, no.

But he seems
so committed.

You could test him.

For what?

To see
how he really feels about you.

- Oh.
- That's a good idea.

Might as well.

Could tell him
you have terminal cancer

or are gonna die in three days,

see what he says about that.

Interesting.

And this works?

What works?

Testing a man for his loyalty.

How do you test a man
for loyalty, Fiona?

You don't need to test.

If it's got a dick,
it ain't loyal.

And what's with the hole
in the floor?

A little early
for a drink, isn't it?

All right, Mom.
I'm gonna turn in.

I'll have money for you
later today.

Any chance
you could get it to me now?

I gotta buy a used furnace,

and bailing you out of jail
last week

kind of cleaned me out.

Fine.

See you in 20.

All right!

Emiliano, KJ, Stump.

This is Carl.
He's our new fry guy.

This is grill, bun warmer,
and beverage.

Iraq vet, ex-con,
laid off by GE.

Don't call us that, Lori.

Yeah, what the fuck, Lori?

Be nice to this one, boys.

He's never worked
on a line before.

Hey, all you got to do
is follow that chart.

When it says fry, you fry.

All right, kid,
here's the deal.

We close at 11:00 p.m.

At 11:01 p.m.,

we all smoke a blunt
at the picnic table out back.

As fry guy,
you get to join us.

Congratulations.

You going
the old signage route, Frank?

A bit trite, don't you think?

It's true.

I got kicked out
of the military

'cause I couldn't get enough
of his cock.

I lost a leg
to the Taliban.

Did they give a shit?
No.

Sent my rainbow ass packing.

Our dream

was to return home

with two purple hearts.

Instead,

we're in a parking lot

with nothing to show for it

except our love.

Thank you.

Oh, thank you.

Oo-rah.

Hey, Jack.

Thank you.

Phillip Gallagher?

Yeah.
Oh, yeah, you sit tight, okay?

You, uh, read about the ten
best hotels of 2015.

Good?
All right.

Hi.

Hi.

How can I help you?

Uh, I want to apply

to foster a ten-year-old girl.

Uh, foster to adopt,
as her legal guardian.

- She a blood relative?
- No, but...

So you're
an unlicensed non-relative.

Where's her mom?
She in the system?

No one knows
where her mom is.

No dad in the picture?
Grandparents?

Well, I'll tell you right now,
Mr. Gallagher,

this process isn't set up

to give a 20-something
male non-relative

guardianship
of a prepubescent girl.

- Sure.
- Lot of steps involved.

Lot of paperwork.

I, uh... I brought a pen, so...

The girl you came
with... is she the child

you want to foster?

Yeah.

Is she
already in your care,

staying at your residence?

She, uh...
She feels safe with me.

A'ight, her mom
just up and left her.

A'ight?
She has no place else to go.

That's not
how this process works.

You can't
just start fostering someone.

Okay.

All right.

Um, before we get started
in here,

gonna need you to sign
this liability release.

If you could just sign
right down there for me.

What are the chances I develop
an internal hematoma?

Extremely rare.

What if I piss blood tomorrow?

Very rare.

Okay, time to sign.

Doctor will be with you
momentarily.

Jesus.

So we're all good there.

Add "check smoke detectors"

and a working furnace.
Debs!

- On it!
- Great.

Also, it says something
about where I sleep.

Let me see.

"Own bed"

in a room with no more
than one other person,

"of the same sex."

Okay, uh, so maybe
I could get a bunk bed

for you and Debbie?
That sounds fun, right?

What?
No way.

No offense.
I have Franny.

All right, so I'll put
the bunk beds in Fiona's room,

you two can go in there,
and Xan can have your old room.

No.
I'm a grown woman.

- I'm not sharing a room with Fiona.
- Look, she needs to sleep somewhere, Debs!

A'ight, I'm sorry.
I just...

I'm trying to figure this out,
all right?

I'm gonna go buy a bunk bed,

and we'll just go from there,
yeah?

Hey.
Mm, here.

Utilities plus half
of what I owe you.

Thanks again.

And for my next trick,

don't wake me.

Is she just going to bed now?

Done.
Let's roll.

Already?
That was fast.

Yeah, all done.
Easy-peasy.

What... shouldn't we
sign you out?

No, did it.
All paid, like Fandango.

I'm so proud of you, baby.

And then there were five,

ladies and gentlemen.

Yes!

Five contestants remain.

All right,
for the semifinals,

we have a challenge
that is gonna separate

the truly loco
from the mildly loco.

We call it...

The South Side
Emergency Room Challenge!

Whoo!

County General
is two blocks away

on Ellis

and boasts the longest

emergency room waiting time

in all Chicago:

11 hours.

Your challenge,

in one hour or less,

is to get seen

by an ER doctor.

You ever gotten through
in less than an hour?

No, not possible.

It's gonna take gushing blood.

Amputation.

Grand mal seizure.
Aw.

Can I get one hour
on the clock, please?

Oh...
All right.

And...

Go!

Yo, Brad, hey.
Hey, man,

could I borrow a socket set?

I got a bunk bed
getting delivered.

Take whatever you need.
Yeah.

Thanks, man.

I miss a party, or...

Uh, not a party.

Uh, just some refined sugar

in honor of Jay Z over there.

Jay Z?

I'm 100 days tomorrow!

No shit!
Yo!

Hey, man, I'm so sorry.

Fuck, I must have forgot.
Yo.

That's no joke, all right?

What can I say?
I got a good sponsor.

You know what?
We'll hit the 8:00 a.m.

tomorrow morning and get
some pie and celebrate, okay?

- Sounds good.
- All right, good.

Hey, go ahead.
Have a cupcake.

Hey, man.
Um...

Cami say anything to you
about Tami?

What about Tami?

I don't know.
She's acting funny.

She was supposed to pick us up
this morning... never showed.

I didn't hear anything.

Maybe she's not cool
with the whole Xan thing.

I mean, it's one thing
to start dating a guy,

but it's another thing
to start dating

a dad with a preteen.

What's she been saying
about it?

Oh, nothing.
I mean...

I don't know.
I guess I didn't really ask.

Women like
to be asked everything.

I don't buy 1% milk
instead of 2%

without asking Cami.

What, you think
she's gonna make me choose

between her and Xan?
That... that's crazy.

I don't know,
but you gotta ask.

Just ask, pretend-listen,
and nod.

Works every time.

Okay girls, here we go.

Here we go, honey.
Okay.

Oh...

Oh, you okay, honey?

Oh...

Oh, the pain.

The pain is still so much.
It's mucho.

- Muy mucho pain.
- Oh.

The painkillers
haven't kicked in yet?

Yeah, I...

am answer questions.

Wow.
Okay.

I'll get you some ice.

You gotta ice it today
every 20 minutes.

20 minutes on,
20 minutes off.

- You hear me?
- Ah.

You guys want me
to make you

a snack
before I go to work today?

Yes!

Kev?

Kevin.
Hey, hey, hey.

Are you gonna be okay
watching the girls today?

Mm, yes, nachos.

Extra guac

and sour cream.

Shit.

Hey, Deb.

Kev had a minor
medical procedure this morning.

He's not up
to watching the girls.

Can you watch them
for a few hours

while I run to the Alibi?

Yeah, sure.
No problem.

Just throw them in
the Pack 'n Play with Franny.

I have her watching cartoons
till we're done here.

Thanks, girl.

Cute furnace.

Only cost me
700 bucks.

I got a fork
in my leg!

I need to see
a doctor!

I'm suicidal.
I'm going to do it.

- I'm really...
- You ready?

I'm really
gonna do it.

- There you go.
- I'm serious.

I'm...
I'm so suicidal.

I'm going to do it.

Oh, wow.

Ready?

Okay.

You go.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

My friend and I have
this cough.

- It just won't...
- Code red. TB alert.

I think he's got a...

Yes, sir.
One second.

TB protocol!
Get them to quarantine!

You're being admitted.
There are some wheelchairs

here for you right now.

Sir, if you could just have
a seat.

Get them to isolation
right away!

We'll take you back
to see the doctor.

Let's get them
to quarantine.

Could someone
get that, for fuck's sake?

Oh, God.
Keep your fucking pants on.

- What?
- Hi.

I'm Peter Naylor,
here to see Phillip Gallagher.

- He at home?
- Lip!

You home?

Guess not.

What about Alexandra Galvez?

- She in?
- Who?

Alexandra Galvez.
G-A-L-V-E-Z.

Female, age ten,
African-American.

Oh, Xan?
That her name?

Uh, I'm sorry.
I was sound asleep.

Yeah, Xan crashes here
sometimes.

- Why?
- I'm with DCFS,

here to do
a home safety check

for a case opened up
by Phillip Gallagher.

Oh.

May I come in?

Sure.

We're just doing a few, uh,
home improvement projects

- today.
- Hmm.

Your tetanus is up to date,
right?

Is that an open hole
in the floor?

Uh, yes, but it's not
what it appears to be.

My sister is actually a welder,
so she's very qualified to...

Uh, Debs, can you come
down here, please?

Who's in charge
of these children?

Um, Debbie.
Debbie is.

Uh, the woman you can't find?

Uh, well,
she's definitely here.

She's just probably
getting a tool or something.

Debs!
Can you come down here, please?

Are you here?

Uh, it doesn't seem
like Debs is here.

Hmm.

Well, also, I was...
I was here.

I was right upstairs,
so if the kids needed anything,

I... I would've heard them
and come running.

Weren't you sound asleep?

Uh...
Yes.

Mm.

And where
does Alexandra sleep?

Uh, on the couch,
most of the time, I think.

We take really good care
of her.

Upstairs?

Why not?

Of course.

Oh, we did it!

Got it done.

New furnace, boy!

Oh, I'm parched.

Can I drink out of that?

Yeah, sure.

Let me turn it on.

Oh, see, there's Debs.

I knew she was here.

Debs!

There she is.

Hey, Debbie?

W-would you come
in here, please?

Why?

It's fine.
We're all set here.

Um...

No, you bitch!

If you can just wait
a moment...

She... she was just outside,

and, see, this is
her daughter here, Francis.

Oh, Phillip, good.

This is, um...

Peter.

Uh, he's here
for the house check.

Oh, hey, hey.

Peter, how's it going, man?

I'm Phillip.
It's... it's very nice

to meet you, sir.
Um...

I wasn't expecting you here
so soon.

Unannounced.

Right, um...

Well, I'm here now, so, uh,
how about I take over

and I'll... I'll give you
the tour, then?

Miss Gallagher
already showed me around.

She did.
Okay.

Um, hey, hey,
I'm sure you're, uh,

a really busy guy,
but, you know,

maybe just give me
a couple minutes.

I can show you around.

You know, explain
a couple things.

I got
two more appointments today.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Look, just come back
in a couple hours, all right?

Please, I-I just got her
a comforter.

All right?
I-I got her a bunk bed coming.

Sorry.

I'm done here.

Ahoy, mateys.

Break's over.
Come on.

Hey, yo, can I ask you guys
something real quick?

- Sure.
- Yeah.

What do you think
this picture's of?

It's easy.
It's hot, is what it is.

Two fucking hot lesbians
being fucking hot.

Yeah, lesbian porn.

My dick's hard.

Yo, that's my sister

and my girlfriend.

- No way.
- Fuck you.

Which one's your sister?

Uh, she's macking
on your girl, huh?

Hey, hey.

Why the hell'd you let DCFS
in here?

I'm sorry.

I had no idea who that guy was.
I-I didn't...

Who the fuck did you think
that was?

He's wearing a tie and he's got
a fucking clipboard.

I was asleep!
I'm not a fucking mind reader.

Why didn't you tell me
they were coming?

- Why didn't I tell you?
- Yes.

Maybe if I'd known DCFS
was dropping by...

Jesus Christ.
Do you have any idea

how much you fucked this up
for me?

This is not my fault.

I did not invite DCFS here.

I did not leave a... a furnace in the house...
- Hey, hey, shh.

- Hey, hey, hey!
- Or kids in a Pack 'n Play,

or an open hole
in the fucking floor.

No, but you sure as shit
didn't help, Fiona.

The old Fiona
would've handled this,

would've spun shit,
would've covered for me.

What was I supposed to do, huh?

Bake him a fucking cake?

No, but I expected you

to not be drunk
in the middle of the day.

How about that, huh?

Maybe I'm tired

of playing
Susie fucking Sunshine

all the time, huh?
Think of that?

'Cause if I want to be drunk

in the middle
of the fucking day,

that is my fucking business.

We are very lucky to have
Camilla back with us today...

Why can't we watch the game?
This sucks.

Where's Kevin?

Kev had a vasectomy today.

- Ooh.
- Poor bastard.

Worst day of my life.

I know, but it was time,

with Santiago,
and, of course,

me telling him it was time.

They warn him
about the pooling?

- You had blood pooling, too?
- Ah.

They had to drain me
like a pig down there.

You have to be nice
to the old boy, V.

He's going through
some serious torture

down there.

Alibi.

The who?

Reschedule what?

What do you mean,
he didn't have it?

He's at home right now,
recovering.

He said his pain level's a te...

? Go, go, go, go ?

? Go, go, everybody go ?

? Go, go, go, go ?

? Everybody, everybody,
everybody get up ?

? Get up, get up, get up ?

? Get up and get down ?

? Everybody get up,
get up, get up, get up ?

? Get up, get up
and get down ?

? Go, go, go, go ?

? Get up, go, go, go, go ?

? Get up ?

Hey, it's Tami.
Leave a message.

Hey, Tami, um,

it's me.
Uh...

Look, I'm... I'm sure you're...

You're probably getting
off work soon.

Uh, I'm about to hit a meeting,

um, you know, 'cause I, uh...

I need a meeting.

Uh...

Actually, I had a...
A pretty shitty day,

to be honest.

Oh...

Yeah, just call me back,
all right?

Thanks.

Hello, I'm home.

Hey.

Hey!

Hey, Carl,

- we're in here.
- We're in the kitchen!

We got muffins, y'all!

Muffins! Muffins! Muffins!

The best.

Carl, your sister
is so fucking funny.

What's so funny?

Oh, it's an inside joke.
You wouldn't get it.

It's a muffin commercial.

You know the fat guy
from the muffin commercial?

"We got muffins, y'all!"

Stop.

Oh, I'm gonna run up
and get dressed.

D, can I borrow
something to wear?

Of course, girl.
Take whatever.

Do you want
to split another with me,

or you want your own
when you're back?

Split with you.

Be right back, fry guy.

I'm so proud of you.

The fuck you think
you're doing?

Putting peanut butter
on a Ritz.

No, with Kelly.
Why you trying to get with her?

- What?
- Stop fronting.

I'm not fronting.

Her and I just get along good.

Aren't I supposed
to get along well

with my brother's girlfriend
if she's awesome?

No, she's my awesome,
not your awesome.

She's not a lesbian, dumb-ass.

Exactly.
She's not gay.

Although she is
the kind of girl

who could come out
later in life.

I'm not getting
total gay vibes,

but it's inconclusive,
so... I'd say yeah,

she'll probably eventually
end up gay.

Just knock it off.
I mean it.

There's nothing going on
between me and your girlfriend.

Keep your blouse on, Carl.

You guys know where, uh,
Lip went?

No.

Well, he's not answering
his phone.

I gotta find him.

Hey, Xan, do you know
where Lip might be?

Maybe the shop?

All right, thanks.

- Hey, Mikey.
- Yeah, Frank?

No matter what
the final challenge is, buddy,

I-I just want you to know

you've been a pleasure
to work with.

You're a hobo

from another mother.

Thanks for that.
Thank you, Frank.

Couldn't have said that better
myself.

All right, let's get started!

From hundreds of hopefuls
to dozens of competitors,

to eight finalists
to six valiant losers...

And finally, finally,
to two final hobos.

We've come
to the last round,

where Frank and Mikey
will compete mano y mano,

but the question is,

who will wear
the Hobo Loco crown?

- Hold on.
- That'll be me.

Was that a train?

Oh, man, I hate trains.

That's right!

When you think
of the classic American hobo,

what is he doing?

Jumping on a moving train!

The train

will barrel down on Frank
and Mikey

and you two will run like hell

to hop on.

The hobo who is in the car

when the train
crosses the finish line

is our winner, but first,

four shots each!

Loco up!

You came!
My baby.

Oh, God.

Frank, something's wrong.
I'm in pain.

What do you mean?

I'm cramping and I'm spotting

and there's a lot of blood.

I think I'm having between one
and six miscarriages.

Right now?
Oh, God.

- Uh...
- Yeah, look, I-I need you

to come home.
Care for me.

Frank.

Okay.

Here's the plan.
You pop a squat

right here
for just a few minutes.

- I will...
- Pop a squat?

Or... or sit on those

very comfortable benches,

and I will be back momentarily.

This'll take three,
maybe five minutes.

I am miscarrying.

Will you come with me,
or will you stay?

Frank, four shots,

or you're disqualified.

Come with me, Frank.
Come.

I'm coming!

I will be back.
I love you.

I'm gonna win this.

I'll be back.

There he goes.
There he goes.

Okay!
Whoo!

Oh, like nothing!

Hello?

Hey.
We, uh... we shut down at 5:00.

Closing up here.
Can I help you?

Hi.
Um...

I'm looking for my brother,
Lip.

- Is he here?
- You're Lip's sister?

- Yeah.
- No way. I'm Jason.

- Hi.
- Your brother's a great guy.

Yeah, he is.

He's not here, though.
Nobody here but me.

- You want me to text him and tell him...
- No,

no.
I think he's avoiding me

'cause I fucked something up
for him.

I owe him an apology.

Apparently, I owe everyone
an apology.

Well, you can talk to me
about it.

You know, if you want to.

Shit is going down, Jason...

God...

In my life.

I'm broke...

back home,

and my boyfriend's married.

I got fired
from the place that I managed.

Probably heard all
that before, right?

Lip comes in
whining about me.

He doesn't, no.

Liar.

I went to jail, too.
Yeah.

Assault charges.
Punched a racist.

Court date coming up.

And I sold drugs today.

That was fun.

And I'm just
in a really fucked-up place.

You ever been
in a fucked-up place?

Yeah.

Hmm.

See?

You know
what I'm talking about.

So many motorcycles in here.

No one get tired
of looking at them?

You mind?

Oh, yeah, sure.
Go.

Fuck. Sorry.
That's so rude.

Yeah.

Go get yourself a cup.

I taught myself
to ride a bike, by the way.

The kind you pedal.

I taught Lip, too.

He doesn't remember that now.

I taught him...

And I taught Debbie and Carl

and Ian and Liam.

Hey.

It's not bad.

Lip.
Hey.

Hey.
I-I've been texting

and... and calling all day.

Uh, now is not
a great time.

Look, is this about Xan?

And what, you...
You just don't show up, or...

Okay, slow your roll,
all right?

Uh, you guys go ahead.

- I'll catch up.
- Okay.

I've had
a really shitty day, all right?

DCFS showed up unannounced.

Fiona answered the door
fucking drunk.

I mean...

What is this?

Why... why are you sending me
to voice mail?

This isn't about you.

So what,
you're just pissed, then,

that I'm trying to foster Xan?

I mean, is it so crazy
that... that I'd want

to make someone's life
any better?

Okay, I'm pregnant.

I realized it this morning
in the shower.

I'm late.

So I left your house,
I got a test,

and I saw the...

biggest, bluest plus sign
I've ever seen,

and so I went back to CVS,
got another test.

Positive.

You sure it's mine?

Yeah, I'm sure it's yours.

I make Boone wear a condom.
He's been in the Philippines.

I double-bag that shit.

What are you gonna do?

We.
What are we gonna do?

I don't know.

Um...

Shit.

My Uber's here.
I gotta go.

Hey, hey.
No, no,

we... we have to talk
about this, right?

Well, can I...
Can I call you later?

Yeah, uh,
if you want to call me,

that's cool,
but if you don't...

I gotta go.

Hey.

Hey, man, I'm... I'm kind of
in the middle of something.

Can I call you back?

W-w-what happened?

That train is coming in fast,

and we're supposed to run

and jump on that thing?

One man's... fast
is another man's slow.

Maybe we should go in on it

together, though,
like compadres.

First one up helps the other.

We split the money.

You're just saying that

because you're in worse shape
than my liver.

No, Frank,
I genuinely like you!

You're my best friend!

There's no "we" in "win,"
O'Shea.

It's time.

Go!
Go, go, go, go, go!

Yo, Frank, wait for me!
Man!

That's it?
That's all you've go...

Yeah!
Yeah!

Yeah... no!

Not without me, Frank,

you motherfucker!

Get off of me!
Jesus.

I wanna win!

- Frank!
- Jesus.

Oh, no.
That's the finish line,

and neither hobo
reached the train.

Okay.

Okay.
Thank you, Frank.

Thank you.

Oh, what the fuck?

Great job, kids.

Oh, boy, that was some event.

I'll just take this
right off your hands.

Actually there's...
There's been a development,

Frank, if you could just...
Just hold.

Hold?
I'll just hold

this big fat check
I just won.

In the event
that no one wins

the final event, the hobo
with the largest

social media following wins.

- Gloria!
- Gloria!

Congratulations!

Are you fucking kidding me?

She posed topless with fans.

You... you can't compete
with... with titties.

Ladies and gentlemen,
the Hobo Loco Man is...

Gloria!

Fuck.

? Powder junkie,
spider monkey ?

? Swim in the sea ?

? Crushed like a grape
under possibility ?

? You're so fresh
with your pale dark bliss ?

? Those blackjack eyes
and tambourine hips ?

Hey, what's all this?

Movie night.
Say what?

Taking a popcorn break.

Hey.
I was thinking, you know,

maybe you and I could go
spend some time upstairs.

Already?
It's... it's early.

I was thinking, you know,

maybe you and I
could just hang out.

I'm fresh out of the shower.

Want some butter, Kell?

Does the pope
wear a funny hat?

Uh-huh.

W-why don't you watch
the movie with us?

We're watching Showgirls.

You're watching Showgirls?

Yeah.
She's never seen it before.

The old brunette is being
such a good mentor

to the young blonde one.

- I know.
- Okay.

Kell, I'ma head upstairs
right now.

I'd really like
if you came with me.

No way.

She needs to see
how it ends.

I know how it ends.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey, man.
Hey.

Hey.
You all right?

You all right?

I'm so sorry, man.

I fucked up.

Don't be sorry.
It's okay.

All right?
We all slip.

Not like this, man.

100 days I just flushed
down the drain.

Just like I did one time.
Right?

Brad fucked up, too.
We all have, a'ight?

It's not important.

Okay?
What's important

is that you get back up again.

I don't even remember
what happened.

It just took over me.

Your sister had vodka,

and all of a sudden,
I'm drinking it.

Next thing I know,
I'm calling my guy

and shooting up.

You said my sister.

Fiona came by the shop
looking for you.

Wasn't her fault, man.
It was mine.

I asked her for it.

Fiona gave you vodka?

It's on me.

It's not on her, a'ight?

I'm a fucking piece of shit
waste of space.

Hey, hey, hey.
No.

You're a good guy, a'ight?
You're good.

- You are good.
- No.

I'm so sorry.

It's all right.

I'm so sorry.

It's all right.
That's okay. That's okay.

It's all right.

All right, girls,
go upstairs and play.

Daddy had a major surgery

and we need to give him
some time to rest.

Yeah, I'm sorry, girls.
I'm a little out of commission.

I just got to get
my strength back, though.

I love you!

How you doing, babe?
What's your pain level?

Oh...

- 12.
- Oh, my goodness!

You're so brave.

Thank you.

Is that the stuff
to make my hot wings?

Yes, that is the stuff

to make
your homemade hot wings.

Gonna take me
about two or three hours.

It's a long time
of being on your feet

after a full day of work,
but...

Mmm, that sounds amazing.
Thank you.

I should probably look at it.

What?

The wound.

Make sure
it's not getting infected.

You know,

it's no need to, because...

I already checked it earlier.

Um, it's... it's fine.

It's all good.

Checked the stitches.

I can tell.

You gotta be safe.

Don't be shy.

I know I've been having nachos
all day, so...

I got a lot of gas
going on down there.

You don't want anything.

Don't be nervous, Kev...

Unless there's something
you're not telling me.

Agh!
Okay, okay, okay, fine!

I didn't get a vasectomy.
I pretended to

while taking Vicodin all day,
and I was masturbating,

and I learned to do
one of the dances on Fortnite.

I'm the devil himself.

I'll reschedule
the vasectomy right now.

- Ow.
- You're damn right you will.

Fuck!

God.

You're still making
the wings, though, right?

Oh, hey, wait a minute.

You're leaving?

Well, of course I'm leaving.

What did you think
would happen?

It was a test, you idiot,

and you failed.

A test?

Yeah.

I didn't miscarry.

I was testing you
to see if you gave a shit,

and you don't.

So now you're going off
with this clown

because I failed a non-test
I didn't know I took?

Hello, Frank.
Nice to see you.

Uh, what about the babies?

I'm gonna reduce to two.

Randy's gonna make bread
full-time.

I love you and the six G's.

I know there's some truth
to that, Frank,

but medication or not,

you're just not good for me.

Look, the point is

there's always gonna be
someone you love

more than me and the kids.

She means alcohol, Frank,

because you're an alcoholic.

Thank you. I got... I got that.

I need you to sign this.

Says you'll never come forward

to claim any paternity rights.

Please.

Usually, there's some...

exchange of funds
when rights are signed away.

How's 5K for your trouble?

I'd be a lot less trouble
for 10K.

Good-bye, Frank.

Ingrid, sugar,

- su... sweetheart.
- No, no, no. Good-bye.

W-w... honey, Ingy,
listen to me.

That's two Ls
in "Gallagher"?

Make it out to cash.

Now for breaking news,

we go live to the scene
of a drive-by shooting...

Hey, campers.
What are we watching?

We were watching Showgirls,
but it's over.

Yep, show's over.
Time for bed, Kell.

- Come on.
- I missed Showgirls?

Gah.

When she slips
on the marbles...

Oh, my God, that's good.

Ooh, candy corn.
Where did we get that?

Dollar store.
Off-season aisle.

Oh, I'ma eat the fuck
out of this.

Hey, did Carl tell you
about the time

that he shoved 16
of these fuckers up his nose?

Come on, we don't need

- to be talking about it.
- So gross.

16?

He bio-engineered
that shit right up there.

- What's up, bro?
- With a fucking spoon

trying to get it out.

A hundred days he was sober,
Fiona.

Who?

Jason.

My sponsee.

Who?

Jason from the shop.

I'm his sponsor.

You just got my sponsee
fucking drunk.

He didn't say
he was your...

A hundred days,

he was sober!

And that's sad.
I'm sorry for him.

But it's not my fault.
I didn't know.

No, nothing's your fault
anymore, huh?

You weren't there.
You don't know.

I know someone
waved vodka in his face.

I know when he left you,
he called his dealer

and he shot up heroin.

Oh.

I'm sorry.

Look, I didn't know.

No, you didn't care enough
to know.

Listen to me.

I want you out
of this fucking house.

What'd I miss?

Uh...

Ooh, candy corn.

Sync corrections by srjanapala

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