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1
00:00:15,265 --> 00:00:17,434
[sounds of city traffic]
2
00:00:28,319 --> 00:00:30,739
[rumble of car engine]
3
00:00:36,244 --> 00:00:38,038
-[tire squeal]
-[engine stops running]
4
00:01:01,019 --> 00:01:02,812
[indistinct background chatter]
5
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:06,900
[audience cheering,
whistling in the distance]
6
00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:18,161
[indistinct conversation]
7
00:01:44,312 --> 00:01:48,399
[crowd cheering,
whistling, applauding]
8
00:01:56,241 --> 00:01:57,534
Thank you.
9
00:01:57,951 --> 00:01:58,868
Thank you.
10
00:02:00,245 --> 00:02:02,580
Thank you! Hey!
11
00:02:02,664 --> 00:02:05,542
Thank you! Thank you much!
12
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,544
Good evenin'!
13
00:02:08,545 --> 00:02:11,089
Wait for the people
to get from the bathroom.
14
00:02:11,172 --> 00:02:12,132
[audience laughing]
15
00:02:12,215 --> 00:02:15,009
People in there pissin' and,
"Wait! This shit done started!
16
00:02:15,093 --> 00:02:16,261
Damn!"
17
00:02:18,221 --> 00:02:19,639
What's happenin', blood?
18
00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:21,558
Right on.
19
00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:27,981
Jesus Christ, look at this.
White people rushin' back.
20
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,234
White people don't care, Jack.
21
00:02:31,317 --> 00:02:32,777
Just come out anyways.
22
00:02:33,444 --> 00:02:36,322
Say, "Fuck it. We're going.
I don't give a shit."
23
00:02:41,035 --> 00:02:42,162
Right?
24
00:02:43,496 --> 00:02:47,000
You niggers takin' a chance
bein' in Long Beach, though, Jack.
25
00:02:48,084 --> 00:02:51,462
I saw the police had some brother
jacked up when we was comin' in here.
26
00:02:51,546 --> 00:02:54,299
Nigger's hands way up here.
Talkin' 'bout, "Huh? What?"
27
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:56,551
They're searchin' and shit.
28
00:02:57,176 --> 00:03:00,054
Bet they take him away to jail.
29
00:03:00,138 --> 00:03:02,932
Goin' to jail in Long Beach
is a motherfucker, boy, isn't it?
30
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:06,102
"Where you at?"
"I'm in Long Beach."
31
00:03:06,185 --> 00:03:09,188
"Well, shit, we ain't comin'
down there to get your ass out."
32
00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:11,774
[applause, cheering, whistling]
33
00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:17,864
White people, this is the fun part for me,
34
00:03:17,947 --> 00:03:19,949
when the white people
come back after intermission
35
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:22,118
and find out
niggers done stole their seats.
36
00:03:28,416 --> 00:03:31,085
Right? They say, "Uh--Uh,
weren't we sitting here, dear?
37
00:03:31,169 --> 00:03:33,379
Weren't we, uh... I believe...
38
00:03:33,463 --> 00:03:35,882
we, uh, we were
sitting here, uh, weren't we?"
39
00:03:35,965 --> 00:03:38,927
[in feminine, nasal voice]
"Yes, we were sitting right there."
40
00:03:39,802 --> 00:03:42,597
[as African-American man] "Well, you ain't
sittin' here now, motherfucker.
41
00:03:43,973 --> 00:03:45,266
Yeah."
42
00:03:46,935 --> 00:03:48,144
[snickering]
43
00:03:50,605 --> 00:03:52,690
You ever notice how nice
white people get
44
00:03:52,774 --> 00:03:55,026
when there's a bunch
of niggers around? [scoffs]
45
00:03:55,276 --> 00:03:58,112
Right? They get outside,
they just talk to everybody, right?
46
00:03:58,196 --> 00:04:00,073
They say, "Hi! How ya doin'?
47
00:04:01,115 --> 00:04:04,535
I don't know you, but here's
my wife! Hello!" [chuckles]
48
00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:07,580
What you takin' my picture for? [chuckles]
49
00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:10,333
Who you gon' show it to? [laughs]
50
00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:13,670
He say, "I got a picture
of Richard Pryor!"
51
00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:16,506
[mimicking country accent]
"Who gives a fuck?" [chuckles]
52
00:04:18,716 --> 00:04:21,219
[laughing]
53
00:04:22,679 --> 00:04:24,264
Sit your ass down.
54
00:04:24,347 --> 00:04:25,974
[crowd laughs hysterically]
55
00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:37,610
Motherfucker, sit down! [chuckles]
56
00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:40,321
You know you ain't got
no film in the camera!
57
00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:43,992
You're just bullshittin'.
Just flashin'. Ain't nothin' flashin'.
58
00:04:44,075 --> 00:04:46,411
Sit your ugly ass down.
59
00:04:47,578 --> 00:04:49,122
[laughs]
60
00:04:52,583 --> 00:04:54,502
-[man] Thank you.
-[Pryor] Thank you.
61
00:04:54,585 --> 00:04:56,504
And then, right to your seat. Exit.
62
00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:58,423
[chuckles]
63
00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:01,384
No, it's funny, though, man.
White people be funny.
64
00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:04,178
And you ever noticed, like, you be
the only nigger someplace,
65
00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:06,764
and you go where white people,
they be funky, right?
66
00:05:06,848 --> 00:05:08,850
They be... they be like,
"You wanna move out of the way, fella?
67
00:05:08,933 --> 00:05:10,601
Excuse me. Thank you very much.
68
00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:14,105
Takin' up all the fuckin' area.
Jesus Christ!"
69
00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:21,612
[chuckles]
70
00:05:21,696 --> 00:05:24,115
And niggers guerrilla their way
in the place, man.
71
00:05:24,198 --> 00:05:27,285
We saw about eight dead white people
when we was comin' in.
72
00:05:27,368 --> 00:05:29,537
Still had tickets in their hands.
73
00:05:30,246 --> 00:05:32,623
Niggers just run over 'em gettin' in here.
74
00:05:32,707 --> 00:05:35,126
"Move out the way, motherfuckers. Yeah.
75
00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:39,630
We ain't seen the nigger in three years.
What the fuck you talkin' about?"
76
00:05:39,714 --> 00:05:42,717
Whitey's just, "Sure. Go ahead.
Sure. Cut in. Sure. It's OK.
77
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:44,635
Well, what do you want? Trouble?
78
00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:46,220
There's a whole bunch of 'em!
79
00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:49,307
They could be cousins or anything."
80
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:53,436
Some white dudes you cut in front of
don't play that shit though, right?
81
00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:56,522
You cut in front of them...
"All right. Cut the shit.
82
00:06:04,572 --> 00:06:07,283
Just cut the fuckin' crapola."
83
00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:13,081
I love when white dudes get mad
and cuss, right? [chuckles]
84
00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:16,000
'Cause you all's some
funny motherfuckers when you cuss.
85
00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:19,420
They be sayin' shit like,
"Yeah, come on, pecker-head!
86
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:27,428
Come on, ya fuckin' 'joik-off!' Come on!
87
00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:30,348
Son of a bitch! Come on!
88
00:06:31,140 --> 00:06:32,975
[chuckles]
89
00:06:38,439 --> 00:06:40,733
Yeah, you're fuckin-A right, buddy!"
90
00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:45,071
Niggers be talkin' 'bout, "Buddy this.
91
00:06:50,326 --> 00:06:52,078
"Yeah.
92
00:06:52,161 --> 00:06:54,956
You want to 'buddy' somethin',
buddy up on this here."
93
00:06:56,833 --> 00:07:00,294
Black man will grab
them dicks, Jack. [chuckles]
94
00:07:00,378 --> 00:07:04,048
"I don't care." Niggers be walkin' down
the street, they gon' hold their dick.
95
00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:06,759
"What's happenin', bro?
Ain't nothin' to it. Shit.
96
00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:10,930
You know how it is.
I'm just hangin' on."
97
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:14,725
[laughing]
98
00:07:16,185 --> 00:07:19,439
Right? Even Andrew Young,
he grab his dick! [chuckles]
99
00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:22,733
Right? He be talkin' to the President
of the United States, right?
100
00:07:22,817 --> 00:07:24,944
Andrew Young be,
"Uh, Mr. President?
101
00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:31,284
No, we got to talk
some serious shit. No, really.
102
00:07:31,367 --> 00:07:33,578
Excuse me, Mrs. Carter." [chuckles]
103
00:07:34,078 --> 00:07:36,873
[in exaggerated falsetto]
"Oh, that's all right. [chuckles]
104
00:07:37,373 --> 00:07:39,000
Bigger than a peanut!"
105
00:07:49,343 --> 00:07:53,014
Patti and I wanna say we're really happy
that you come out to see us tonight.
106
00:07:53,097 --> 00:07:55,850
We mean that
from the bottom of our hearts. Thank you.
107
00:07:55,933 --> 00:07:58,019
[cheering, whistling]
108
00:08:03,524 --> 00:08:06,360
Patti be singin'
her ass off too, don't she?
109
00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:10,781
I mean, Patti gets some shit down
in there, be, [exaggerated wailing]
110
00:08:10,865 --> 00:08:12,783
Shit go all through me, man.
111
00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:15,286
"Let me sing it
to you motherfuckers! Yeah!"
112
00:08:16,078 --> 00:08:17,663
And that band's a bitch too, man.
113
00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:21,083
That band's a motherfucker
she got. Really.
114
00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:28,674
That white boy on the horn
be playin' his ass off, right?
115
00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:30,885
He don't even bend.
Motherfucker...
116
00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:34,388
No, most people who play the horn,
117
00:08:34,472 --> 00:08:38,476
they got to bend or somethin'
to get that shit outta there, right?
118
00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:39,977
This cat be, "Nothing wrong."
119
00:08:40,978 --> 00:08:43,064
And don't miss shit, right? [chuckles]
120
00:08:43,147 --> 00:08:45,441
"Don't worry, niggers.
I'm with you. Go ahead."
121
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:55,201
And I am really personally happy to see
anybody come out and see me, right?
122
00:08:55,284 --> 00:08:57,495
Especially much as I done
fucked up this year.
123
00:09:07,838 --> 00:09:12,260
I don't wanna never see
no more police in my life...
124
00:09:13,344 --> 00:09:14,720
at my house,
125
00:09:15,763 --> 00:09:18,516
takin' my ass to jail...
126
00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:21,894
for killin' my car.
127
00:09:26,607 --> 00:09:29,277
And it seemed fair
to kill my car to me, right?
128
00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:31,404
'Cause my wife
was gonna leave my ass.
129
00:09:31,487 --> 00:09:34,448
You know, I say,
"Not in this motherfucker, you ain't.
130
00:09:34,532 --> 00:09:37,743
Mm-mmm. No, Lord. No. Mm-mmm.
131
00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:40,997
If you leave, you'll be drivin'
them Hush Puppies you got on.
132
00:09:42,999 --> 00:09:45,751
'Cause I'm gon' kill
this motherfucker here."
133
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,296
And I had one of them
big ol' Magnums.
134
00:09:48,379 --> 00:09:50,381
You know that noise they make
when you shoot somethin'?
135
00:09:50,464 --> 00:09:52,300
I shot the car, it say, "Boom!"
136
00:09:52,383 --> 00:09:55,761
Tires say, [high-pitched squealing]
137
00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:58,639
[chuckles] It got good
to me. I shot another one.
138
00:09:59,098 --> 00:10:02,101
"Boom!"
[high-pitched squealing]
139
00:10:02,184 --> 00:10:03,894
And that vodka I was drinkin' say,
140
00:10:03,978 --> 00:10:06,105
"G-go ahead. Shoot somethin' else."
141
00:10:09,483 --> 00:10:10,318
I shot the motor.
142
00:10:10,401 --> 00:10:12,403
The motor fell out
the motherfucker, right?
143
00:10:12,486 --> 00:10:14,113
Motor say, "Fuck it!"
144
00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:20,244
Then the police came. [chuckles]
145
00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:21,787
I went in the house.
146
00:10:23,414 --> 00:10:25,583
'Cause they got Magnums too.
147
00:10:26,792 --> 00:10:28,878
And they don't kill cars.
148
00:10:29,712 --> 00:10:31,422
They kill "nig-gars."
149
00:10:40,681 --> 00:10:43,476
Police got a choke hold
they use out here though, man.
150
00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:45,144
They choke niggers
to death.
151
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:47,772
That mean you be dead
when they through, right?
152
00:10:47,855 --> 00:10:49,690
-Y-- Did you know that?
-[crowd] Yeah--
153
00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:51,525
Wait. Niggers goin' "Yeah, we knew."
154
00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:54,028
White folks, "No! I had no idea!"
155
00:10:55,279 --> 00:10:57,823
Yeah, two grab your legs,
one grab your head, and snap,
156
00:10:57,907 --> 00:10:59,492
"Oh, shit. He broke.
157
00:11:01,702 --> 00:11:03,371
Can you break a nigger? Is it OK?
158
00:11:03,704 --> 00:11:04,830
Let's check the manual.
159
00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:07,583
Yep. Page 8. 'You can break
a nigger. 'Right there, see?
160
00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:10,044
Let's drag him downtown. OK."
161
00:11:10,419 --> 00:11:13,005
Then they got them dogs
they sic on your ass, right?
162
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:16,592
Them German shepherds and shit.
Nasty motherfuckers, right?
163
00:11:16,675 --> 00:11:19,345
Some places they got
them Dobermans. Doberman Pinschers?
164
00:11:19,428 --> 00:11:21,514
-Them's some bad motherfuckers, y'all.
-[man in crowd] Yeah!
165
00:11:21,597 --> 00:11:23,516
-They fast too.
-[man in crowd] Yeah!
166
00:11:23,599 --> 00:11:25,768
They catch the average white boy.
167
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:30,815
[chuckles] They do!
168
00:11:32,316 --> 00:11:35,903
By the time they catch a nigger,
though, they too tired...
169
00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:40,491
to do anything. [chuckles] Right?
170
00:11:40,574 --> 00:11:43,077
Maybe get petted
or some shit like that.
171
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:45,579
"You tired of runnin', boy?"
[imitates dog panting]
172
00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:50,000
Sit your ass right there now.
I'm gon' get on. All right." [chuckles]
173
00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:54,046
I saw 'em lettin' one loose
on a young brother, about 16, in an alley.
174
00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:56,882
The police jumped out the car
and sicced the Doberman loose on him.
175
00:11:56,966 --> 00:12:00,219
And the brother was low-runnin'.
I mean, he was down in here.
176
00:12:04,098 --> 00:12:07,601
And the dog was on his ass.
[imitating dog snarling]
177
00:12:09,979 --> 00:12:11,814
And it must've got good
to the brother,
178
00:12:11,897 --> 00:12:14,817
'cause he shifted
into overdrive on the dog.
179
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:18,154
Yeah! The brother
had a cap on. It just went...
180
00:12:28,205 --> 00:12:32,168
And it looked like, to me,
like the dog said, "Shit!
181
00:12:32,751 --> 00:12:35,713
Mother fuck that nigger, man.
182
00:12:35,838 --> 00:12:38,507
Shit. Ain't gon' kill me
out here. Sheesh.
183
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,134
Get me a biscuit. Yeah."
184
00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:47,600
[man shouts indistinctly]
185
00:12:47,683 --> 00:12:49,935
Them dogs is somethin' else, man.
186
00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:55,024
I got two dog... I got two malamutes that
I trained to fight the police dogs.
187
00:12:55,524 --> 00:12:59,862
I did. I said, "If you see any dog
jump on me, y'all better do somethin'.
188
00:13:00,571 --> 00:13:04,074
'Cause if you don't... You know
what happened to that car on New Year?"
189
00:13:04,825 --> 00:13:08,245
"We got ya, Rich. We got ya.
We got ya. We got ya. Don't worry."
190
00:13:09,079 --> 00:13:11,207
And they won't bite shit, right?
191
00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:13,959
I mean, they very intelligent dogs
though, right?
192
00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:16,462
I mean, they be readin'
dog food cans and shit.
193
00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:20,341
They do! "Alpo. No meat
by-products, no soybean...
194
00:13:20,424 --> 00:13:23,135
Yeah, Rich, this'll be good.
Fix that up for us, please.
195
00:13:24,094 --> 00:13:26,388
Could we have a little wine
with that, perhaps?"
196
00:13:27,598 --> 00:13:30,309
And a burglar come in the house, they go,
"Don't fuck with the dinner plate.
197
00:13:30,392 --> 00:13:32,102
You can have all this shit up here."
198
00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:37,358
So I got a- a Doberman, right?
199
00:13:37,441 --> 00:13:39,485
One of them bad motherfuckers, right?
200
00:13:39,568 --> 00:13:40,986
Somebody stole him.
201
00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:45,991
That's how bad he was. [chuckles]
202
00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:48,160
And I got him from a dog home.
203
00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:50,538
You know, you can get dogs from
the dog home, save 'em from killin' 'em.
204
00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:54,375
I got him from the dog home,
and somebody had abused him real bad.
205
00:13:54,458 --> 00:13:56,168
'Cause every time
I'd call him, he'd freak out.
206
00:13:56,293 --> 00:13:58,963
I say, "Hey, Champ."
"What? Shit! Jesus Christ!
207
00:13:59,296 --> 00:14:00,923
[whimpering] What're you doing, man?
Don't do that shit.
208
00:14:01,006 --> 00:14:03,717
I'm tellin' ya.
You're fuckin' with my head.
209
00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:08,180
It's a real bummer, Rich.
Just... God, please."
210
00:14:08,264 --> 00:14:09,848
They're like that.
Dobermans are like that.
211
00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:11,642
When they're puppies,
they're real scared, man.
212
00:14:11,725 --> 00:14:14,436
You look at 'em and shit, they...
[mimics dog whimpering]
213
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:17,773
But when they get older, they don't even
like for you to stare at 'em, right?
214
00:14:17,856 --> 00:14:19,275
Most dogs you can stare down.
215
00:14:19,358 --> 00:14:21,735
You look at a dog too long,
they go... [whimpering]
216
00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:25,656
You stare at a Doberman,
Doberman be talkin' 'bout... [growling]
217
00:14:25,739 --> 00:14:27,449
"I don't play that shit."
218
00:14:28,742 --> 00:14:30,744
And then they show you their teeth, right?
219
00:14:30,828 --> 00:14:32,580
[growling]
220
00:14:32,663 --> 00:14:35,291
"This look like I'm smilin', motherfucker?
221
00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:38,836
I'm 'bout to get in yo' ass!"
222
00:14:41,338 --> 00:14:43,507
And they make real good
watchdogs, right?
223
00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:47,511
But the only problem is,
they let burglars come in your house.
224
00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:50,514
They do! "Burglar, yeah!
Come on in! Come on! Yeah!
225
00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:53,434
Come on in the bedroom! Let me show you
where the money is! Yeah, come on in!
226
00:14:53,517 --> 00:14:56,854
Get all that! Come on in the kitchen, get
the silverware! Hurry up! Come on! Yay!"
227
00:14:56,937 --> 00:14:59,773
And they wait for the burglar
to hit the door.
228
00:14:59,857 --> 00:15:02,818
That's when they turn into
The Exorcist. Right?
229
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:06,196
When the burglar go, they go...
[guttural voice] "You can't leave!
230
00:15:08,032 --> 00:15:10,367
I want to play."
231
00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:14,288
And that's how you find the burglar
when you get home, right?
232
00:15:14,371 --> 00:15:17,374
He be talkin' 'bout...
[high-pitched voice] "Help me.
233
00:15:17,499 --> 00:15:19,418
Please help me."
234
00:15:19,501 --> 00:15:22,671
Motherfucker sound
like The Fly... "Help me!
235
00:15:23,505 --> 00:15:26,884
The dog is going to bite
my asshole out. Help me."
236
00:15:29,428 --> 00:15:31,722
Them pets is somethin' else, man.
237
00:15:31,805 --> 00:15:34,558
I got pets. I love my little pets.
I got monkeys and shit.
238
00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:36,518
-My monkeys died though.
-[crowd] Aww...
239
00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:39,146
Yeah. I had two squirrel monkeys.
240
00:15:39,229 --> 00:15:41,023
You ever seen them squirrel monkeys?
241
00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:43,359
They got them hands.
They freak a dog out.
242
00:15:44,068 --> 00:15:46,445
They do. They get on a dog,
and them fingers touch a dog,
243
00:15:46,528 --> 00:15:48,489
dog go... [barking]
244
00:15:48,739 --> 00:15:50,616
I had, uh, one named Friend.
245
00:15:50,699 --> 00:15:53,494
I named him Friend 'cause
the first time I opened the cage,
246
00:15:53,577 --> 00:15:56,538
he ran up my arm and stuck
his dick right in my ear.
247
00:15:56,872 --> 00:15:59,541
He did. [mimicking monkey chatter]
248
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:08,258
Hey, it felt like
a wet Q-tip, right? [chuckles]
249
00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:10,844
[imitates monkey chittering]
250
00:16:12,721 --> 00:16:15,182
He pissed all on my cheek. Ugh.
251
00:16:15,265 --> 00:16:18,686
I had to throw him
up in the ceiling. [chittering]
252
00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:20,479
He'd do that to anyone.
253
00:16:20,562 --> 00:16:22,481
I'd invite over people. You know,
just to fuck with 'em, you know,
254
00:16:22,564 --> 00:16:25,109
I say, "Go on, open
the cage up," you know. [chuckles]
255
00:16:25,192 --> 00:16:27,945
Up their arm... [chittering]
256
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:34,159
I remember one time, this guy
from Warner Brothers was comin' over.
257
00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:37,162
He was gonna do a film with me.
And he came over and opened the cage,
258
00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:40,624
and I said, "Don't open the cage!"
It went... [chittering]
259
00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:43,293
"Well, you won't be doing any films
at Warner Brothers,
260
00:16:43,377 --> 00:16:44,920
that's for goddamn sure!
261
00:16:46,046 --> 00:16:49,008
Wanna get this monkey's dick
out of my ear, Rich?
262
00:16:50,968 --> 00:16:52,720
Jesus Christ.
263
00:16:52,803 --> 00:16:56,473
Come on, dear. We'll put
something over my head there, and...
264
00:16:56,932 --> 00:16:58,892
we'll just say it's a hump. Let's go."
265
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:02,354
So, I got him a woman, you know?
'Cause he was fucked up.
266
00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:04,857
I got him a woman.
Called her Sister, right?
267
00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:08,694
He did the same to her.
Run right in the cage... [chittering]
268
00:17:09,445 --> 00:17:10,863
She say, "Freeze.
269
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:14,575
First thing, I gotta show you
where the pussy is."
270
00:17:18,328 --> 00:17:19,705
[chuckles]
271
00:17:19,788 --> 00:17:22,708
And he got him some
monkey pussy and freaked.
272
00:17:22,916 --> 00:17:24,752
He just went out of his mind, man.
273
00:17:24,835 --> 00:17:27,379
At night he'd be up there
unlockin' the cage and shit.
274
00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:30,340
And then they'd run away
and stay two and three days, right?
275
00:17:30,424 --> 00:17:33,719
And you could hear him
in the trees... [chittering]
276
00:17:34,553 --> 00:17:37,431
Sometimes far away...
[chittering softly]
277
00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:41,310
Sometimes up front...
[chittering loudly]
278
00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:45,147
Finally, about the third day
he came in, he was fucked up, right?
279
00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:47,232
[chittering weakly]
280
00:17:54,573 --> 00:17:57,326
And I left him with some friends.
I had to go out of town.
281
00:17:57,409 --> 00:17:59,411
I left him with some friends to watch him.
282
00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:03,624
And, he had, like, a little gas heater
on the floor, and they turned it on,
283
00:18:03,707 --> 00:18:05,292
and they didn't have no matches.
284
00:18:05,375 --> 00:18:06,668
And they died.
285
00:18:07,628 --> 00:18:10,422
Killed 'em. I was hurt too, man.
286
00:18:10,506 --> 00:18:13,050
I was, 'cause I came home,
found my monkeys was dead.
287
00:18:13,133 --> 00:18:14,384
Said, "Shit."
288
00:18:15,344 --> 00:18:17,888
[imitating sobbing] 'Cause I loved
my monkeys so much.
289
00:18:17,971 --> 00:18:20,099
I was in the backyard. I was cryin'.
290
00:18:20,724 --> 00:18:24,478
And there was a dog used to live next door
to us. A German shepherd, right?
291
00:18:24,561 --> 00:18:28,982
Big, ugly, mean German shepherd.
He would bite anything.
292
00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:31,485
He jumped the fence
and came over there.
293
00:18:31,610 --> 00:18:34,446
I felt somethin' movin' my hand like that.
It was him.
294
00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:36,031
I started pettin' him.
295
00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:38,784
He looked at me and said,
"What's the matter, Rich?"
296
00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:45,124
[imitating sobbing]
I said, "My monkeys died."
297
00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:46,542
"Say what?
298
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,878
Your monkeys died?
299
00:18:51,171 --> 00:18:52,673
Ain't that a bitch.
300
00:18:54,758 --> 00:18:58,178
You mean, the two monkeys
used to be in the trees? They died?"
301
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:00,514
I say, "Yeah, they died."
302
00:19:00,597 --> 00:19:02,224
Said, "Shit.
303
00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:04,977
I was gon' eat them too."
304
00:19:10,274 --> 00:19:13,735
He said, "Don't linger on that shit
too long. You know, it fuck with you.
305
00:19:14,736 --> 00:19:15,737
I said, "I'll try."
306
00:19:15,821 --> 00:19:17,489
[imitating the dog] "Yeah, you take care."
307
00:19:17,573 --> 00:19:19,366
And he went back
and jumped over the fence.
308
00:19:19,449 --> 00:19:21,660
Just before he jumped,
he looked back at me and said,
309
00:19:21,743 --> 00:19:24,663
"Now, you know I'm gon' be
chasin' you again tomorrow."
310
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:29,668
[chuckles] Yeah!
311
00:19:36,592 --> 00:19:38,969
See, I love pets. I do.
312
00:19:39,052 --> 00:19:40,429
I got, like, a miniature horse.
313
00:19:40,512 --> 00:19:43,056
You ever seen a miniature horse?
About this big? Full-grown.
314
00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:45,726
That's as big as they're ever
gonna get. Yes, ma'am, I'm not lyin'.
315
00:19:45,809 --> 00:19:47,102
It's named Ginger.
316
00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:49,646
A friend of mine, Burt Sugarman,
gave me this horse.
317
00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:51,648
He helped me produce
my TV shows.
318
00:19:51,732 --> 00:19:53,901
He gave me this horse
instead of money.
319
00:19:55,485 --> 00:19:57,738
And the horse is nice,
but it don't do nothin'.
320
00:19:57,821 --> 00:20:01,033
Horses don't do nothin' when they're
that little, but eat and shit.
321
00:20:01,783 --> 00:20:04,786
And horses shit while they walk. They do.
322
00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:08,165
They be walkin', talkin' 'bout--
[imitates dung dropping]
323
00:20:08,248 --> 00:20:11,585
And steam be comin'
off of horse shit, Jack.
324
00:20:11,668 --> 00:20:15,172
Horses got some terrible...
Flies don't even fuck with horse shit.
325
00:20:15,255 --> 00:20:18,133
Fly be talkin' 'bout... [buzzing]
326
00:20:24,389 --> 00:20:27,017
And the first time
that my dogs saw the horse,
327
00:20:27,100 --> 00:20:28,977
they thought it was another dog, right?
328
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:31,480
'Cause animals don't have no racism.
They thought it was another dog.
329
00:20:31,563 --> 00:20:34,358
Say, "Look, there's another dog
with a long tail! Let's go say hello!"
330
00:20:34,441 --> 00:20:37,069
And my cousin, Denise,
she had a Great Dane stayin' with us.
331
00:20:37,152 --> 00:20:39,196
It say, "Yeah, come on!
Let's go over! Yea!"
332
00:20:39,279 --> 00:20:41,949
They ran over, and that horse smell
hit their ass, right? [chuckles]
333
00:20:42,032 --> 00:20:43,450
They said, "Hey!
334
00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:46,578
This ain't no goddamn dog."
335
00:20:48,705 --> 00:20:52,125
And the Great Dane say, "I don't know
what it is, but I'm gon' fuck it."
336
00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:06,056
He come back and say, "Well,
you can't fuck it." [chuckles]
337
00:21:06,139 --> 00:21:09,017
My two malamutes say, "Well, let's eat
the bitch! Let's eat the bitch!"
338
00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:10,978
I had to beat 'em off
with a cue stick.
339
00:21:11,061 --> 00:21:12,813
I said, "Get the fuck off
the [indistinct], Goddammit.
340
00:21:12,896 --> 00:21:15,232
Leave the horse alone!
Move, mother... Get back."
341
00:21:15,816 --> 00:21:17,943
They got even with me too,
the dogs did. [chuckles]
342
00:21:18,026 --> 00:21:20,362
'Cause, one time I was walkin'
with 'em in the front yard,
343
00:21:20,445 --> 00:21:23,156
and I heard one say
to the other one, "Let's fuck him."
344
00:21:24,658 --> 00:21:26,535
You know, and you know how
you be playin' with your dogs,
345
00:21:26,618 --> 00:21:28,453
sayin', "Hey, uh-uh, get down--
346
00:21:28,537 --> 00:21:30,580
"Say! What the fuck is you doin'?
347
00:21:30,706 --> 00:21:33,375
Get off! Get your...
Hey, man, what... Help!"
348
00:21:33,458 --> 00:21:34,668
[chuckles]
349
00:21:35,627 --> 00:21:39,506
And dogs, when you make dogs stop fuckin',
they go fuck air, anything, right?
350
00:21:39,589 --> 00:21:42,342
You say, "Get down,
goddamn it." They just...
351
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:51,852
Do you remember when the animals
used to get hooked up when you was little?
352
00:21:51,935 --> 00:21:54,271
That was some funny shit to me, Jack.
353
00:21:54,354 --> 00:21:55,564
'Cause they'd be
in the middle of the street,
354
00:21:55,647 --> 00:21:57,899
didn't know which way
to go, right? [chuckles]
355
00:21:58,859 --> 00:22:02,654
"Well, make up your mind!
Shit! There's a car comin'!" [chuckles]
356
00:22:04,823 --> 00:22:08,285
I always thought women should have
that kind of pussy for rapists.
357
00:22:08,493 --> 00:22:10,495
You know, the kind that just lock up?
358
00:22:11,413 --> 00:22:13,123
Right? 'Cause that's some vile shit,
359
00:22:13,206 --> 00:22:15,375
to take somebody's humanity
like that anyway, right?
360
00:22:15,459 --> 00:22:18,003
At least, y'all's pussy
oughta be able to lock up, right?
361
00:22:18,086 --> 00:22:21,298
[vocalizes sphincter closing]
"OK, let's go. Come on.
362
00:22:24,051 --> 00:22:27,637
Don't make a move or I'll tighten up.
Just keep going. Come on."
363
00:22:32,809 --> 00:22:35,562
[chuckles] Oh, shit.
364
00:22:36,146 --> 00:22:38,356
Whew. Had a little pain
in my heart there.
365
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:41,318
I thought I was havin' another
heart attack. I said, "What?"
366
00:22:41,401 --> 00:22:43,361
You get scared after you have
a heart attack, all the time.
367
00:22:43,445 --> 00:22:46,156
Anytime you feel
a little pain, you go, "Huh?"
368
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:49,701
-Anyone here ever had a heart attack?
-[woman] Yes!
369
00:22:49,785 --> 00:22:53,246
Them motherfuckers hurt.
I'm not bullshittin', man.
370
00:22:53,330 --> 00:22:55,916
I was walkin' in the front yard.
I was just walking along,
371
00:22:55,999 --> 00:22:58,460
and somethin' said, "Don't breathe!"
372
00:23:00,545 --> 00:23:01,505
I said, "Huh?"
373
00:23:01,588 --> 00:23:04,549
It said, "You heard me, motherfucker.
I said, don't breathe!"
374
00:23:04,633 --> 00:23:06,510
[whimpering] "OK, I won't breathe.
I won't breathe. I won't breathe."
375
00:23:06,593 --> 00:23:07,928
"Then, shut the fuck up then!"
376
00:23:08,011 --> 00:23:09,554
[whimpering] "OK.
I'll shut up. I'll shut up.
377
00:23:09,638 --> 00:23:10,931
Don't kill me. Don't kill me.
Don't kill me."
378
00:23:11,014 --> 00:23:12,599
"Get on one knee and prove it."
379
00:23:12,682 --> 00:23:14,976
[whimpering] "I'm on one knee.
I'm on one knee. Don't kill me."
380
00:23:15,060 --> 00:23:16,603
"Thinkin' about dyin' now, ain't you?"
381
00:23:16,686 --> 00:23:18,605
[whimpering] "Yeah, I'm thinkin'
about dyin'. I'm thinkin' about dyin'."
382
00:23:18,688 --> 00:23:20,816
"You didn't think about it
when you was eatin' all that pork!"
383
00:23:20,899 --> 00:23:21,983
[imitating choking]
384
00:23:32,911 --> 00:23:33,995
[groaning]
385
00:23:34,079 --> 00:23:36,623
It said, "You know black people
got high blood pressure, don't ya?"
386
00:23:36,706 --> 00:23:38,667
[whimpering] "Yeah, I know! I know that!"
387
00:23:38,750 --> 00:23:39,918
"Then, watch your diet!"
388
00:23:40,001 --> 00:23:41,336
[whimpering] "I will! I will!
389
00:23:41,419 --> 00:23:43,713
[softly] Don't kill me. Don't kill me.
Don't kill me. Don't kill me."
390
00:23:44,005 --> 00:23:47,134
You be thinkin' about shit like that
when you think you gonna die. [laughs]
391
00:23:47,217 --> 00:23:49,302
[softly] "Don't kill me. Don't kill me.
Don't kill me. Don't kill me."
392
00:23:49,386 --> 00:23:52,180
You put an emergency call
in to God too, right?
393
00:23:52,264 --> 00:23:55,016
[hoarsely] "Can I speak
to God right away, please?"
394
00:23:55,100 --> 00:23:58,854
Right? Always some angel talkin' 'bout,
[nasal] "I'll have to put you on hold."
395
00:24:00,355 --> 00:24:02,232
And then, your heart get mad
396
00:24:02,315 --> 00:24:05,819
if it find out you was goin'
behind its back to talk to God.
397
00:24:05,902 --> 00:24:08,864
Your heart say, "Was you tryin'
to talk to God behind my back?"
398
00:24:08,947 --> 00:24:09,823
"No, I wasn't."
399
00:24:09,906 --> 00:24:11,491
"You's a lyin' motherfucker! You are!"
400
00:24:11,575 --> 00:24:13,368
[groaning]
401
00:24:16,163 --> 00:24:18,039
[gasps]
402
00:24:18,123 --> 00:24:20,208
I woke up in an ambulance, right?
403
00:24:20,292 --> 00:24:23,879
And it was nothin' but white people
starin' at me. [chuckles]
404
00:24:24,421 --> 00:24:26,173
I said, "Ain't this a bitch?
405
00:24:28,133 --> 00:24:31,511
I went and died and wound up
in the wrong motherfuckin' heaven.
406
00:24:37,350 --> 00:24:40,937
Now I gotta listen to Lawrence Welk
the rest of my days."
407
00:24:43,899 --> 00:24:46,359
But them paramedics
can save your ass, you know.
408
00:24:46,443 --> 00:24:48,361
They really are somethin', man. They...
409
00:24:48,445 --> 00:24:51,281
They are, man. You have to give them
a lot of credit. They're good.
410
00:24:51,364 --> 00:24:55,702
They say civilian people...
We can save people, you know.
411
00:24:55,785 --> 00:24:57,913
Give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
412
00:24:58,788 --> 00:25:02,125
I don't know. You know what I mean?
413
00:25:02,209 --> 00:25:05,962
'Cause if I'm walkin' down the street
and I see some motherfucker laid all out,
414
00:25:06,046 --> 00:25:09,049
and slobber and shit
hangin' out his mouth, [coughs]
415
00:25:09,132 --> 00:25:10,425
he ain't gon' make it.
416
00:25:13,595 --> 00:25:14,930
Know what I mean?
417
00:25:15,013 --> 00:25:18,725
I'm gon' say, "Say, bro,
I don't think you gon' make it.
418
00:25:19,893 --> 00:25:23,230
Unless you can get somebody
to wipe that shit off your mouth."
419
00:25:23,605 --> 00:25:27,067
Right? 'Cause you could be givin' somebody
mouth-to-mouth resuscitation,
420
00:25:27,150 --> 00:25:30,195
and they die, and Death
ease down your lungs.
421
00:25:30,987 --> 00:25:33,573
Death don't give a fuck where it go.
422
00:25:33,657 --> 00:25:36,826
And it get two-for-one.
That's a good day for Death.
423
00:25:40,330 --> 00:25:43,416
And if you ever have to go
to the hospital,
424
00:25:43,500 --> 00:25:45,210
which I hope you never do,
425
00:25:45,293 --> 00:25:47,545
carry your own piss with you.
426
00:25:48,296 --> 00:25:49,673
'Cause that's what they want.
427
00:25:49,756 --> 00:25:53,218
Soon as you get in the hospital,
they want some blood and some piss.
428
00:25:53,301 --> 00:25:57,222
You always have the blood,
but you never have the piss.
429
00:25:57,305 --> 00:26:01,351
And they get mad at you. "You're not gonna
leave here till you piss in that bottle."
430
00:26:01,434 --> 00:26:05,522
And you never can piss.
You ever tried to? [grunts]
431
00:26:05,605 --> 00:26:08,817
I say, [high pitched voice]
"Can you turn on some water, please?"
432
00:26:09,693 --> 00:26:12,862
And if you do start, you need
eight or nine bottles, right?
433
00:26:12,946 --> 00:26:14,864
"Nurse!
434
00:26:14,948 --> 00:26:17,284
Hurry up! I'm not gonna make it!"
435
00:26:18,785 --> 00:26:21,079
And they be so nonchalant
with your piss, right?
436
00:26:21,162 --> 00:26:23,623
They be talkin' 'bout,
"This your piss? Thank you."
437
00:26:24,833 --> 00:26:28,003
I could never grab
nobody's piss like that, Jack.
438
00:26:28,461 --> 00:26:32,299
I'd have to have some prongs
and shit before I grab some piss.
439
00:26:32,382 --> 00:26:35,593
I'd be goin', "All right.
I'm going in to get the piss now."
440
00:26:35,969 --> 00:26:39,139
"All right. I have the piss.
Clear the hallway. I'm coming through.
441
00:26:39,222 --> 00:26:42,183
Everybody, back off, please." [muttering]
442
00:26:45,478 --> 00:26:48,315
Then, they hook your ass up
to that machine...
443
00:26:48,398 --> 00:26:50,442
you know, where you
look like Frankenstein.
444
00:26:50,525 --> 00:26:52,902
You get to watch
your life beep away.
445
00:26:52,986 --> 00:26:54,904
Right? It be...
[imitating heart monitor beeping]
446
00:26:54,988 --> 00:26:59,075
You be watchin' too, Jack,
'cause if you see... [imitates long beep]
447
00:26:59,326 --> 00:27:00,618
that's yo' ass.
448
00:27:02,037 --> 00:27:05,707
Right? I woke up one mornin', I saw...
[imitates long beep] I said, "Aah!"
449
00:27:05,790 --> 00:27:08,335
[imitates monitor beeping]
450
00:27:15,050 --> 00:27:19,179
'Cause the hospital ain't no place
to get well. That's the truth.
451
00:27:19,262 --> 00:27:22,432
That ain't no joke. You can die in there,
and nobody give a fuck.
452
00:27:23,308 --> 00:27:25,769
Unless you John Wayne or somebody.
453
00:27:25,852 --> 00:27:28,188
See, John Wayne can kick Death's ass.
454
00:27:28,271 --> 00:27:32,192
Didn't he? I mean, the dude, he had cancer
one time. Kicked Death's ass.
455
00:27:32,275 --> 00:27:34,944
Open-heart surgery.
John Wayne kicked Death's ass.
456
00:27:35,028 --> 00:27:38,740
John Wayne just say,
"Get the fuck outta here, Death."
457
00:27:41,076 --> 00:27:42,660
[Pryor mutters]
458
00:27:47,499 --> 00:27:48,833
See, they filmin' some shit.
459
00:27:48,917 --> 00:27:51,878
I wanted to tell y'all. I mean,
it's not like you didn't know.
460
00:27:51,961 --> 00:27:53,838
Y'all ain't gonna get paid shit either.
461
00:27:55,048 --> 00:27:56,841
So, don't be askin' me
for a motherfuckin' thing
462
00:27:56,925 --> 00:27:58,176
when the show's over.
463
00:27:58,259 --> 00:28:01,012
Don't be, "Say, nigger,
where's my money for the movie?"
464
00:28:01,304 --> 00:28:03,848
No, I guess it's gon' be in the theater
or somethin'. I don't know.
465
00:28:03,932 --> 00:28:04,808
[woman shouting]
466
00:28:04,891 --> 00:28:06,810
But that's what they got
all this shit... What, baby?
467
00:28:06,893 --> 00:28:09,229
-[multiple audience members shouting]
-What?
468
00:28:09,312 --> 00:28:12,190
I can't hear you. Can you all
get a spokesman? Wait a minute.
469
00:28:12,565 --> 00:28:14,526
What'd you say?
I couldn't hear you, baby.
470
00:28:14,609 --> 00:28:15,652
-[woman shouting]
-[man shouting]
471
00:28:15,735 --> 00:28:17,654
Wait, motherfucker.
I was talkin' to her.
472
00:28:19,072 --> 00:28:20,115
What?
473
00:28:20,865 --> 00:28:22,575
[woman] Preach, nigger, preach!
474
00:28:22,659 --> 00:28:25,161
Oh, thank you, dear. Thank you,
thank you, thank you, thank you.
475
00:28:25,245 --> 00:28:27,580
That's black stuff.
476
00:28:27,747 --> 00:28:31,418
'Cause the white people were looking
confused. "W-what does that mean, Marge?
477
00:28:31,501 --> 00:28:34,337
'Preach, nigger, preach.'
What is that, actually?"
478
00:28:34,963 --> 00:28:39,259
Thinkin' about death, though,
I'd like to die like my father died.
479
00:28:39,342 --> 00:28:41,553
Right? My father died fuckin'.
480
00:28:42,429 --> 00:28:45,432
He did. My father was 57
when he died, right?
481
00:28:45,515 --> 00:28:48,059
And the woman was 18.
482
00:28:48,518 --> 00:28:52,021
My father came and went
at the same time.
483
00:28:59,028 --> 00:29:01,948
And the- and the woman that
he was makin' love to, right,
484
00:29:02,031 --> 00:29:04,534
couldn't give away no pussy
for two years. [chuckles]
485
00:29:04,617 --> 00:29:09,622
'Cause people go, "Uh, no. Uh-uh. Mm.
Nah. No, baby. Mm. No, Lord. Nah.
486
00:29:09,706 --> 00:29:12,959
You done killed one motherfucker
with it. That's all right.
487
00:29:13,042 --> 00:29:15,795
Now, that's some pussy
you can keep right there. Mm."
488
00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:20,884
And I saw the lady recently. She's still
a little fucked-up about it, you know.
489
00:29:20,967 --> 00:29:23,845
She came and said,
"I'm sorry I killed your father..."
490
00:29:23,928 --> 00:29:25,889
I said, "Miss, what are you
talkin' about?" [chuckles]
491
00:29:25,972 --> 00:29:28,224
I said, "Shit. People get killed
in plane wrecks
492
00:29:28,308 --> 00:29:29,851
and run over by busses and shit.
493
00:29:29,934 --> 00:29:31,728
He died in your pussy." [chuckles]
494
00:29:33,354 --> 00:29:35,356
"That's called recyclin'."
495
00:29:41,905 --> 00:29:44,616
You know, I just figured God must have
loved my father a whole lot
496
00:29:44,699 --> 00:29:46,409
to let him go out like that, right?
497
00:29:46,493 --> 00:29:49,621
'Cause if I had a choice... Now, men,
you know the truth and I tell you,
498
00:29:49,704 --> 00:29:53,166
if you have a choice between dyin'
in some pussy or gettin' hit by a bus,
499
00:29:53,458 --> 00:29:55,210
which line would you be in?
500
00:29:56,586 --> 00:29:59,047
I know which line I'm gon' be in.
501
00:29:59,130 --> 00:30:01,758
I'm gon' be in that
long motherfucker, Jack.
502
00:30:17,398 --> 00:30:19,067
The funeral was somethin' else too.
503
00:30:19,150 --> 00:30:22,362
'Cause black funerals
are different than white funerals, right?
504
00:30:22,987 --> 00:30:24,405
You know, white people have funerals...
505
00:30:24,489 --> 00:30:26,241
You don't give it up at the funeral.
506
00:30:26,324 --> 00:30:29,285
You do. I mean, you love
your dearly departed as much as we do,
507
00:30:29,369 --> 00:30:32,288
but at the funeral you don't...
You be... [stifled sobs]
508
00:30:36,793 --> 00:30:38,044
Oh, my.
509
00:30:39,462 --> 00:30:41,464
[sighs]
510
00:30:42,465 --> 00:30:45,760
And then, sometime
they faint. [gasps]
511
00:30:46,094 --> 00:30:48,888
But then, see, black people
let it hang out at the funeral.
512
00:30:48,972 --> 00:30:52,475
They don't care. They're...
[shrill wailing]
513
00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:55,603
[hoarse voice] Lord, have mercy! Jesus,
help me! Help me! Lord! I can't stand it!
514
00:30:55,687 --> 00:30:58,815
I can't stand it! I can't stand it!
Take me, God! Take me, take me, take me!
515
00:30:58,898 --> 00:31:00,859
[babbling]
516
00:31:00,942 --> 00:31:03,111
Right? And then, they fall
all on your ass. [chuckles]
517
00:31:03,194 --> 00:31:06,364
You say, [imitating straining]
"Goddamn, baby! Get yo' big ass up!"
518
00:31:07,407 --> 00:31:10,618
Say, "Why in the fuck you gon' kill me
'cause that nigger dead?
519
00:31:11,494 --> 00:31:13,496
Get... off..." [grunts]
520
00:31:13,955 --> 00:31:15,623
[laughs]
521
00:31:16,499 --> 00:31:18,585
My grandmother
could do that shit real good.
522
00:31:18,668 --> 00:31:20,712
"Help me, Jesus! Lord, have mercy!
Help me! Help me! I say, help me, God!
523
00:31:20,795 --> 00:31:22,255
God! Take me! Take me..."
524
00:31:22,338 --> 00:31:25,216
That's how she made me
stop snortin' cocaine. [chuckles]
525
00:31:25,300 --> 00:31:28,720
She did. She pulled that shit
on me. It worked too, Jack.
526
00:31:28,803 --> 00:31:32,348
I had the nerve to pull out
some cocaine at the dining room table.
527
00:31:32,432 --> 00:31:34,475
She had never seen me do any, right?
528
00:31:34,559 --> 00:31:37,562
And she looked at me
a long time, and she said, "Boy...
529
00:31:39,314 --> 00:31:41,566
what's that you puttin'
up your nose?"
530
00:31:42,734 --> 00:31:44,152
I said, "Cocaine, Mama."
531
00:31:44,235 --> 00:31:46,613
[hoarse voice] "Jesus! God!
Take me now, Lord! Take me now!
532
00:31:46,696 --> 00:31:50,950
"God, save my life! Take me, take me,
take me! Lord, have mercy, Jesus!"
533
00:31:51,659 --> 00:31:53,161
[whimpering] I said, "Mama,
don't do that shit!
534
00:31:53,244 --> 00:31:56,539
"Look! I'm throwin'
the shit out, Mama. Look, look.
535
00:31:56,623 --> 00:32:00,043
Sixteen-hundred dollars
worth of shit down the drain, Mama."
536
00:32:03,630 --> 00:32:07,175
She found out how much it cost,
she say, "You dumb motherfucker!
537
00:32:08,676 --> 00:32:12,138
You could have sold some of that shit
back to the man you got it from!
538
00:32:16,059 --> 00:32:18,645
I told you that shit'd make you ignorant!
539
00:32:22,315 --> 00:32:24,317
God damn your soul."
540
00:32:24,943 --> 00:32:26,110
[chuckles]
541
00:32:26,277 --> 00:32:29,155
My grandmother is the lady
that used to discipline me, right?
542
00:32:29,238 --> 00:32:31,115
You know, beat my ass. [chuckles]
543
00:32:31,407 --> 00:32:33,826
Anyone here remember
them switches?
544
00:32:33,910 --> 00:32:35,244
[audience] Yeah!
545
00:32:35,328 --> 00:32:38,581
Right? You used to have to go
get off the tree yourself...
546
00:32:38,665 --> 00:32:41,376
and take them leaves like that?
547
00:32:41,459 --> 00:32:45,004
I see them trees today,
I will kill one of them motherfuckers.
548
00:32:45,797 --> 00:32:48,758
I will stop the car and say, "Wait.
Hold it, Jack. Listen. Yeah. Mm-hmm.
549
00:32:48,841 --> 00:32:50,885
You ain't never gon' grow up.
550
00:32:53,554 --> 00:32:55,932
You won't be beatin' nobody's ass."
551
00:32:58,685 --> 00:33:00,269
Right? 'Cause that's some hell...
552
00:33:00,353 --> 00:33:03,481
Do I have a tumor,
or did it get dark in here?
553
00:33:05,483 --> 00:33:07,694
'Cause that's some
hell of a psychology, right?
554
00:33:07,777 --> 00:33:11,197
To make you go get a switch
to beat your own ass with.
555
00:33:11,823 --> 00:33:15,576
Right? My grandma said, "Boy, go get me
somethin' to beat your ass with."
556
00:33:16,202 --> 00:33:19,747
And that would be the longest walk
in the world, right? [indistinct]
557
00:33:25,712 --> 00:33:28,339
And you be thinkin' all kinds
of shit, right? [chuckles]
558
00:33:28,423 --> 00:33:31,426
'Cause you know
you done fucked up, Jack.
559
00:33:31,551 --> 00:33:34,512
[whimpering] "Maybe it'll snow
before I get there or somethin'.
560
00:33:35,388 --> 00:33:38,266
"Maybe she'll have a heart attack,
won't be able to whup me.
561
00:33:38,349 --> 00:33:41,352
I don't wanna get no whuppin',
'cause it's gonna tear it up, I know it."
562
00:33:41,436 --> 00:33:44,522
And you know you couldn't
come back with no little switch, right?
563
00:33:44,605 --> 00:33:48,609
'Cause if you did, she'd go out and get
the tree and beat your ass with it, right?
564
00:33:48,693 --> 00:33:52,572
You'd be, like... [whimpering]
"Please. I don't wanna get no whuppin'."
565
00:33:52,697 --> 00:33:56,367
And you get them switches, and they start
cuttin' wind on the way home, right?
566
00:33:56,451 --> 00:33:58,745
[imitates switches whooshing]
567
00:33:58,828 --> 00:34:00,788
Make you start cryin'
before you get to the house.
568
00:34:00,872 --> 00:34:02,081
[imitates switches whooshing]
569
00:34:02,165 --> 00:34:04,167
[sobbing] "Mama!
570
00:34:04,250 --> 00:34:05,418
[imitates switches whooshing]
571
00:34:05,501 --> 00:34:09,005
Mama, stop! I don't wanna..." [blubbering]
572
00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:14,302
"Mama, please. Mama, please.
[screaming] Mama, please! Mama, please!
573
00:34:15,803 --> 00:34:18,514
Please, Mama! Please, Mama!
Please, Mama, please!
574
00:34:20,892 --> 00:34:22,268
[laughs]
575
00:34:23,519 --> 00:34:27,774
And my grandmother would get mad
and beat your ass with anything, right?
576
00:34:27,857 --> 00:34:30,735
You know, an old
douche bag cord. Anything.
577
00:34:31,444 --> 00:34:34,322
Anyone here remember them
old douche bags they used to have?
578
00:34:34,405 --> 00:34:36,824
-[crowd getting worked up]
-Them big red boys?
579
00:34:37,658 --> 00:34:39,911
Used to hang in the bathroom?
580
00:34:40,536 --> 00:34:42,455
Hold eight gallons of water.
581
00:34:44,874 --> 00:34:48,294
[chuckles] My grandmother
used to call it a "hot water bottle."
582
00:34:49,879 --> 00:34:53,091
Right? Be hangin' in the bathroom
on a coat hanger. [chuckles]
583
00:34:53,174 --> 00:34:54,592
Smell like vinegar.
584
00:34:58,429 --> 00:35:03,476
My grandmother snatch the cord out of one
of them boys and tear your ass up with it.
585
00:35:03,559 --> 00:35:05,436
Right? And I'd always try to get out
586
00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:08,314
of ass-whuppin', right,
by going to sleep early.
587
00:35:08,940 --> 00:35:12,151
You know, get in bed and just go
to sleep. Pass up supper and shit.
588
00:35:12,235 --> 00:35:13,361
No good.
589
00:35:13,986 --> 00:35:15,696
My grandmother'd wake my ass up.
590
00:35:15,780 --> 00:35:18,783
You know, "Get your ass out...
591
00:35:18,866 --> 00:35:21,369
Put your hand up. Put your-
don't you run from me!
592
00:35:21,452 --> 00:35:24,497
Don't you run... from... me!
593
00:35:24,997 --> 00:35:29,252
As long as you black,
don't... you... run...
594
00:35:29,335 --> 00:35:30,962
from... me!"
595
00:35:37,385 --> 00:35:39,762
And there was always one thing to remember
596
00:35:39,846 --> 00:35:41,556
when you was gettin'
your ass whupped, right?
597
00:35:41,639 --> 00:35:43,766
That was not to say shit.
598
00:35:44,851 --> 00:35:47,395
Right? I mean, you could yell
and scream all you want,
599
00:35:47,478 --> 00:35:50,314
but don't say no shit like...
[whimpering] "I won't do it no more!"
600
00:35:50,398 --> 00:35:52,567
'Cause that just add extra licks.
601
00:35:52,650 --> 00:35:56,070
"Oh, I know you ain't gon' do it no more,
602
00:35:56,362 --> 00:35:59,991
'cause you shouldn't
have done it the first time
603
00:36:00,074 --> 00:36:03,077
when I told you not to do it!"
604
00:36:08,374 --> 00:36:09,542
[chuckles]
605
00:36:09,625 --> 00:36:13,212
And you'd wake up in the morning
and look like a welt.
606
00:36:13,296 --> 00:36:15,590
You'd be good
for eight months though, Jack.
607
00:36:17,091 --> 00:36:18,509
[whimpering]
"Morning, Mama."
608
00:36:20,011 --> 00:36:22,388
Then she'd fix you up.
"Come here, baby.
609
00:36:22,471 --> 00:36:25,558
"Now, see you shouldn't do that,
goddamn it.
610
00:36:25,641 --> 00:36:28,686
"I told you not to-
just sit still now.
611
00:36:28,769 --> 00:36:32,273
And next time you do it,
I'm gon' tear your ass up again."
612
00:36:37,028 --> 00:36:40,740
But I'd much rather like my grandmother
to discipline me than my father.
613
00:36:40,823 --> 00:36:43,034
'Cause my father
just go out.
614
00:36:43,117 --> 00:36:45,620
I mean, he might say
any kind of shit. You know like-
615
00:36:45,703 --> 00:36:48,581
"Go stand in the middle of the street
while I start the car."
616
00:36:50,416 --> 00:36:53,669
"You heard me. Get your ass
in the middle of the street."
617
00:36:57,840 --> 00:37:01,385
My father was scary, boy. I'd piss
on myself sometimes, he'd call my name--
618
00:37:01,469 --> 00:37:03,471
"Richard!"
"Huh?"
619
00:37:07,850 --> 00:37:10,519
And I had a fight
with my father one time.
620
00:37:10,603 --> 00:37:13,356
Wasn't exactly a fight,
but I did the best I could.
621
00:37:14,857 --> 00:37:17,568
I just got tired
of them ass-whuppin's.
622
00:37:17,652 --> 00:37:21,155
I said, "This is it!
I'm not takin' no more ass-whuppin's!
623
00:37:21,239 --> 00:37:22,240
This is it!"
624
00:37:27,870 --> 00:37:31,916
He looked at me and said,
"What, you a man now, motherfucker?"
625
00:37:31,999 --> 00:37:34,043
"Yeah!"
626
00:37:35,586 --> 00:37:39,590
And he hit me
in the chest.
627
00:37:39,674 --> 00:37:42,385
Hard.
[audience laughing]
628
00:37:42,468 --> 00:37:44,470
[imitates blow landing]
629
00:37:45,596 --> 00:37:47,390
He hit me so hard,
630
00:37:47,473 --> 00:37:50,685
my chest just caved in...
631
00:37:52,228 --> 00:37:54,855
and wrapped
around his fist.
632
00:37:56,274 --> 00:37:59,986
And I held onto it
with my chest.
633
00:38:00,069 --> 00:38:02,571
I would not let it go...
634
00:38:02,655 --> 00:38:04,865
so he could
hit my ass again.
635
00:38:06,033 --> 00:38:09,662
And everywhere he moved his arm,
I was hangin' on like this.
636
00:38:09,787 --> 00:38:11,580
[crowd cheers, whistles]
637
00:38:19,088 --> 00:38:22,967
My father was an honest person.
He'd say anything that was on his mind.
638
00:38:23,050 --> 00:38:25,303
He was a brutally honest man.
639
00:38:25,386 --> 00:38:29,223
'Cause I remember when my stepmother died,
we were goin' to the funeral.
640
00:38:29,307 --> 00:38:31,350
Everybody was cryin'
and shit.
641
00:38:31,434 --> 00:38:34,353
[sniveling] So I said,
"Pop, it's gon' be all right."
642
00:38:34,437 --> 00:38:36,856
It was about 14 below zero.
643
00:38:36,939 --> 00:38:39,775
He was in the backseat--
"Pop, it's OK. It's OK."
644
00:38:39,859 --> 00:38:43,154
"Yeah, and it get any colder,
gon' have to bury the bitch by herself."
645
00:38:44,113 --> 00:38:45,448
Now, that's my father.
646
00:38:45,531 --> 00:38:47,199
You know
I wouldn't lie on him.
647
00:38:47,283 --> 00:38:49,452
He got to the graveyard,
he was tellin' the preacher,
648
00:38:49,535 --> 00:38:51,037
"Get to the part with the dirt.
649
00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:52,496
Shit, it's cold!
650
00:38:52,580 --> 00:38:55,916
Yeah, baby, I love you,
but shit, it cold out here! Goddamn!"
651
00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:57,543
[applause, cheering]
652
00:39:02,173 --> 00:39:04,508
Then you go home
and eat everything.
653
00:39:04,592 --> 00:39:06,886
All the neighbors and shit
would bring food over,
654
00:39:06,969 --> 00:39:08,596
and everybody would eat somethin'.
655
00:39:08,679 --> 00:39:11,432
You know like Miss Irene
was a lady that helped raise me--
656
00:39:11,515 --> 00:39:14,352
She brought over some dressing
with almonds in it and stuff.
657
00:39:14,435 --> 00:39:15,269
It was great.
658
00:39:15,353 --> 00:39:19,774
We had fun till somebody found
some legs on one of the almonds.
659
00:39:19,857 --> 00:39:22,860
Brother was eatin' it,
said, "Say!
660
00:39:24,737 --> 00:39:27,656
There's some legs
on my almond."
661
00:39:27,740 --> 00:39:29,867
I said, "Well, don't tell me
about this shit.
662
00:39:29,950 --> 00:39:33,204
"I didn't have no roaches, motherfucker.
You the one got the roaches.
663
00:39:33,287 --> 00:39:36,749
I don't wanna see the shit.
Get the fuck outta my face."
664
00:39:36,832 --> 00:39:40,419
My grandmother say,
"Now, don't say nothin' to her.
665
00:39:40,503 --> 00:39:44,131
"She old and blind.
She can't see no more.
666
00:39:44,215 --> 00:39:49,595
She probably left her oven open
and they crawled in there last night.
667
00:39:49,678 --> 00:39:53,849
But, Richard, you have roaches
just like everybody else.
668
00:39:53,933 --> 00:39:55,935
They was good too.
Wasn't they, honey?"
669
00:39:58,396 --> 00:40:01,941
My father taught me about
the great outdoors.
670
00:40:02,024 --> 00:40:04,735
He loved the woods
and shit and nature.
671
00:40:04,819 --> 00:40:07,446
It was something,
'cause I still dig it today, you know.
672
00:40:07,530 --> 00:40:10,699
I used to love to go- like my father'd
take me fishin' and huntin'.
673
00:40:10,783 --> 00:40:13,661
I liked to go huntin' with him,
but I hated bein' the dog.
674
00:40:14,912 --> 00:40:17,039
No. 'Cause my father
didn't have no patience.
675
00:40:17,123 --> 00:40:18,541
He'd just lose his temper.
676
00:40:18,624 --> 00:40:20,793
"Goddamn it,
chase the rabbit this way!
677
00:40:20,876 --> 00:40:23,337
What the fuck you chasin' the rabbit
back that way?
678
00:40:23,421 --> 00:40:25,005
Get your ass in the car! Shit!
679
00:40:26,132 --> 00:40:27,341
We ain't gon' never eat.
680
00:40:27,425 --> 00:40:30,928
Get your ass in the car. You don't know
how to chase no goddamn rabbit."
681
00:40:33,681 --> 00:40:35,641
But there was somethin'
about nature, man.
682
00:40:35,724 --> 00:40:38,436
He taught me
to be in the woods--
683
00:40:38,519 --> 00:40:40,771
The sounds you would hear
would be so different.
684
00:40:40,855 --> 00:40:43,023
[whispering] You ever notice
how quiet you get
685
00:40:43,107 --> 00:40:44,358
when you go in the woods?
686
00:40:44,442 --> 00:40:46,944
It's almost like you know
that God's in there, right?
687
00:40:47,069 --> 00:40:48,195
You be quiet. You'd be-
688
00:40:48,279 --> 00:40:50,364
[imitates leaves,
twigs crunching]
689
00:40:50,448 --> 00:40:53,451
Leaves be crinklin' under your feet.
[imitates leaves crinkling]
690
00:40:55,202 --> 00:40:58,080
Somethin' about nature,
right, just makes you wanna...
691
00:40:58,205 --> 00:40:59,498
shit.
692
00:40:59,582 --> 00:41:01,584
[crowd cheers, laughs]
693
00:41:04,962 --> 00:41:07,631
And women won't go
to the bathroom outside, right?
694
00:41:07,715 --> 00:41:09,008
Ladies, you won't, will ya?
695
00:41:09,091 --> 00:41:11,260
"You wanna go to the bathroom
out here, baby?"
696
00:41:11,343 --> 00:41:12,928
"Uh-uh.
697
00:41:13,012 --> 00:41:15,848
"Nope. Too much- look-
no. Mm-mmm.
698
00:41:15,931 --> 00:41:19,435
"Too many things crawling around
could crawl up there. Mm-mmm, no.
699
00:41:19,518 --> 00:41:22,688
I'll wait till
we get back to the car."
700
00:41:22,771 --> 00:41:24,940
I say, "Bitch, you ain't
gon' piss in the car!
701
00:41:25,024 --> 00:41:27,193
[crowd laughs hysterically]
702
00:41:29,778 --> 00:41:32,198
You better drop your drawers
and piss here."
703
00:41:33,866 --> 00:41:36,785
'Cause men can just
whip that shit out anywhere.
704
00:41:36,869 --> 00:41:38,787
All on a tree and shit.
705
00:41:38,871 --> 00:41:41,081
You ever write your name
in the snow? You be...
706
00:41:41,165 --> 00:41:43,083
[hysterical laughs]
707
00:41:44,627 --> 00:41:47,630
[applause, laughter]
708
00:41:49,298 --> 00:41:53,177
Women still be standin' around--
"I'm not gon' do it. Uh-uh.
709
00:41:53,260 --> 00:41:56,013
I gotta go real bad too.
710
00:41:56,096 --> 00:41:59,517
OK, I'm gonna pull
my panties down a little bit.
711
00:41:59,600 --> 00:42:03,646
OK, now, you don't--
don't you do nothin'. Don't you be funny.
712
00:42:03,938 --> 00:42:07,358
Now, if you see somethin',
you let me know.
713
00:42:07,441 --> 00:42:10,027
You're not gonna do
nothin' funny, are ya?"
714
00:42:10,110 --> 00:42:12,738
"No, baby, go ahead.
I ain't gon' do nothin'. Go ahead."
715
00:42:12,821 --> 00:42:15,658
"OK, I'm just gonna
pull it down a little bit."
716
00:42:16,742 --> 00:42:19,370
[crowd laughs hysterically]
717
00:42:25,209 --> 00:42:28,671
I like to wait till they get into it,
right, and go, "Somebody's comin'!"
718
00:42:31,674 --> 00:42:33,092
Right?
719
00:42:33,175 --> 00:42:37,346
And women can cut their piss off
like that! Whap!
720
00:42:37,429 --> 00:42:40,349
And not another drop
come out!
721
00:42:40,432 --> 00:42:43,811
Men, have you ever tried
to stop your piss?
722
00:42:43,894 --> 00:42:46,105
You get eight hernias, Jack!
You be--
723
00:42:46,188 --> 00:42:49,358
[grunting, groaning]
724
00:42:49,441 --> 00:42:51,819
Piss be runnin'
down your leg.
725
00:42:51,902 --> 00:42:54,405
[groaning continues]
726
00:43:01,370 --> 00:43:04,707
And there's things in the woods
that fuck wit' you.
727
00:43:04,790 --> 00:43:08,460
You know what I mean?
Like snakes.
728
00:43:08,544 --> 00:43:13,465
Snakes make you
run into trees.
729
00:43:13,549 --> 00:43:15,718
They do, right? Snake!
730
00:43:16,010 --> 00:43:17,720
Pow!
731
00:43:29,898 --> 00:43:33,902
Not many black people
get bitten by snakes.
732
00:43:33,986 --> 00:43:37,156
That's true.
Statistically, that is true.
733
00:43:40,618 --> 00:43:44,913
Because black people
stroll too cool in the woods.
734
00:43:46,165 --> 00:43:49,752
They do. Niggers be in the woods,
have a different attitude about the woods.
735
00:43:50,002 --> 00:43:51,337
They be walkin'--
736
00:43:57,217 --> 00:43:58,385
Snake.
737
00:44:06,352 --> 00:44:10,147
Now, white people get bit all the time,
'cause they have a different rhythm.
738
00:44:10,230 --> 00:44:11,982
They be in the woods,
walkin' 'bout--
739
00:44:26,330 --> 00:44:29,875
But in the woods, when you be huntin'
deer and shit,
740
00:44:29,958 --> 00:44:32,961
and you hear all kind of--
[imitating leaves crinkling]
741
00:44:35,297 --> 00:44:37,716
[whispering]
"Say, come over this way. Come over."
742
00:44:39,593 --> 00:44:41,595
[imitates animal chittering]
743
00:44:45,140 --> 00:44:48,060
[whispering] "What the fuck was that?"
"I don't know."
744
00:44:48,602 --> 00:44:50,396
[imitating leaves crinkling]
745
00:44:51,146 --> 00:44:52,356
"Come on."
746
00:44:52,439 --> 00:44:54,358
And deer
be drinkin' water, right?
747
00:44:56,985 --> 00:44:59,154
[crunch]
748
00:45:03,158 --> 00:45:06,161
[applause, laughter]
749
00:45:21,343 --> 00:45:23,846
[crowd laughs]
750
00:45:28,308 --> 00:45:31,687
And I don't know how deer
ever drink water, as scared as they are.
751
00:45:31,770 --> 00:45:33,981
They be goin' 'bout--
752
00:45:40,904 --> 00:45:43,740
[whispering] "Come on. Shh.
Come around this way.
753
00:45:43,824 --> 00:45:45,993
Why the fuck
you gon' make two paths?
754
00:45:46,076 --> 00:45:49,496
Just bring your ass the way I'm comin'.
I know what I'm doin' goddammit.
755
00:45:49,580 --> 00:45:51,248
Just walk where I walk.
756
00:45:51,331 --> 00:45:55,669
You'll be upwind. He'll smell your ass.
Just walk in my footsteps goddamit."
757
00:45:57,045 --> 00:45:58,755
"Come on.
758
00:45:58,839 --> 00:46:01,425
[whispering continues]
"Get off my goddamn foot!
759
00:46:03,260 --> 00:46:05,554
"You on my corn, nigger!
760
00:46:31,788 --> 00:46:34,791
[mouthing words]
761
00:46:39,755 --> 00:46:41,757
[crinkling]
762
00:46:42,799 --> 00:46:44,801
[crinkling]
763
00:46:47,638 --> 00:46:51,016
"There he is.
Beautiful, ain't he?
764
00:46:51,099 --> 00:46:53,101
Now give me the rifle."
765
00:46:54,895 --> 00:46:56,438
"What rifle?"
766
00:46:56,522 --> 00:46:58,398
[crowd laughing]
767
00:47:07,658 --> 00:47:08,992
[sighs]
768
00:47:10,244 --> 00:47:14,164
"The rifle I gave you
back at the car."
769
00:47:14,331 --> 00:47:17,793
"Shit, I didn't know you wanted me
to carry the rifle."
770
00:47:21,880 --> 00:47:24,132
[crowd continues laughing]
771
00:47:32,683 --> 00:47:36,061
"If you ain't got the rifle,
we in trouble."
772
00:47:36,144 --> 00:47:39,314
"How you figure that?
Ain't nothin' but a deer."
773
00:47:39,398 --> 00:47:42,025
"I know that.
But there's a bear behind you."
774
00:47:42,109 --> 00:47:44,486
[crowd laughing]
775
00:47:45,487 --> 00:47:47,781
"Oh, shit.
776
00:47:47,864 --> 00:47:50,993
"Which way you gon' run?
777
00:47:51,076 --> 00:47:53,704
No, I just wanna know
so I don't run over your ass."
778
00:47:55,622 --> 00:47:58,083
'Cause them woods
is somethin' else, Jack.
779
00:47:58,166 --> 00:48:01,670
[applause, cheering]
Thank you!
780
00:48:02,754 --> 00:48:04,756
Thank you.
781
00:48:06,883 --> 00:48:09,303
You got to have
a certain kind of persona, though,
782
00:48:09,386 --> 00:48:11,972
to be in them woods
fuckin' with them animals and shit,
783
00:48:12,055 --> 00:48:14,099
'cause that's their home.
784
00:48:14,182 --> 00:48:16,893
You know? You got to be knowin'
what you're doin'.
785
00:48:16,977 --> 00:48:19,730
'Cause you might fuck around
and somethin' grab your ass.
786
00:48:19,813 --> 00:48:21,690
You got to have a look
about you, right?
787
00:48:21,773 --> 00:48:25,485
I mean, if you look
like Leon Spinks,
788
00:48:25,569 --> 00:48:28,572
then you can
get away with that shit.
789
00:48:28,655 --> 00:48:32,534
'Cause Leon could chase
some of that shit out them woods.
790
00:48:32,618 --> 00:48:34,578
Right? Them mountain lions
and shit.
791
00:48:34,661 --> 00:48:37,789
"You see the smile
on that motherfucker, man?"
792
00:48:44,671 --> 00:48:47,341
I hope Brother Leon ain't here tonight
to hear that shit.
793
00:48:49,718 --> 00:48:54,306
Leon, boy. Now, that's another nigger
have bad luck be fuckin' with him.
794
00:48:54,389 --> 00:48:57,392
Leon be walkin' down the street.
Bad Luck: "Leon?" "Huh?
795
00:48:58,810 --> 00:49:00,646
"What you wan' do?
Freaky deaky?"
796
00:49:02,356 --> 00:49:05,567
Leon, brother got a lot of heart though.
He really has.
797
00:49:05,651 --> 00:49:07,861
He gave Ali another shot
at the title and shit,
798
00:49:07,944 --> 00:49:09,279
and they didn't want him to.
799
00:49:09,363 --> 00:49:11,823
Makes me feel good
when that happens.
800
00:49:11,907 --> 00:49:13,950
-Really.
-[crowd applauds]
801
00:49:16,828 --> 00:49:20,332
'Cause to me- I don't think nobody else
can beat that young nigger myself.
802
00:49:20,415 --> 00:49:23,043
'Cause he just--
Ali didn't really beat him up.
803
00:49:23,126 --> 00:49:24,961
He just beat him
off him.
804
00:49:27,214 --> 00:49:29,883
'Cause that nigger
ain't been hurt yet.
805
00:49:29,966 --> 00:49:33,303
He don't know nothin'
'bout the pain. Not Leon.
806
00:49:33,720 --> 00:49:36,598
Leon was tryin' to get the champ,
and the champ was cool too.
807
00:49:36,682 --> 00:49:38,975
Every time Leon would start some shit,
Ali would grab his ass.
808
00:49:39,142 --> 00:49:42,646
Ali say, "Not here, nigger.
Not tonight.
809
00:49:42,729 --> 00:49:44,564
Every time you start some shit,
810
00:49:44,648 --> 00:49:46,817
I'm gon' grab your ass
just like this here.
811
00:49:46,900 --> 00:49:49,444
Cause I got to have it
this evenin'.
812
00:49:49,528 --> 00:49:52,406
So now I'm gon' let you go.
Take that with ya."
813
00:50:00,831 --> 00:50:05,669
And Leon figured, like--
Leon said , "I ain't got nothin' to lose.
814
00:50:05,752 --> 00:50:08,255
"I ain't got no money.
815
00:50:08,338 --> 00:50:10,090
"I ain't got no 'teefers.'
816
00:50:11,717 --> 00:50:14,052
"And I definitely ain't got
no driver's license.
817
00:50:14,219 --> 00:50:16,763
[cheers and applause]
818
00:50:20,016 --> 00:50:22,936
"So what in the fuck
can you do to me?
819
00:50:23,019 --> 00:50:25,480
Freaky deaky!"
820
00:50:25,564 --> 00:50:27,941
Only thing-- I don't like to hear
white people be sayin',
821
00:50:28,024 --> 00:50:29,067
"He dumb, ain't he?"
822
00:50:29,151 --> 00:50:32,112
And niggers be agreein' with 'em.
That's what tickles me.
823
00:50:32,195 --> 00:50:35,365
Be happy for any nigger
doin' anything.
824
00:50:35,449 --> 00:50:37,951
[applause]
825
00:50:40,287 --> 00:50:42,038
Right? 'Cause ain't nobody ever said
826
00:50:42,122 --> 00:50:44,875
the heavyweight champion
had to be no entomologist anyway.
827
00:50:44,958 --> 00:50:46,710
Just say,
"Leon, what do you do?"
828
00:50:46,793 --> 00:50:49,212
"I knock motherfuckers out."
829
00:50:54,468 --> 00:50:57,304
That's all he got to do.
830
00:50:57,929 --> 00:51:00,015
Ali, man-- I got in the ring
one time with--
831
00:51:00,098 --> 00:51:01,641
Ali, man, is awesome.
832
00:51:01,725 --> 00:51:04,978
I was in a benefit with him--
just-for-fun boxing--
833
00:51:05,061 --> 00:51:08,648
and just to get in the ring
with the nigger, your heart go-- [gasps]
834
00:51:08,732 --> 00:51:12,903
You know? 'Cause somethin' make you say,
"I'm in this motherfuckin' ring and shit.
835
00:51:12,986 --> 00:51:15,238
Does everybody know
this is for fun?"
836
00:51:15,530 --> 00:51:17,741
You know 'cause the nigger
be fuckin' wit' you.
837
00:51:17,824 --> 00:51:19,910
Soon as you get in the ring,
Ali be talkin' 'bout--
838
00:51:19,993 --> 00:51:23,121
[mouths words]
"I'm gon' kick your ass!"
839
00:51:23,205 --> 00:51:26,917
I said, "Wait a minute!
Does this nigger know this is a benefit?
840
00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:30,504
He ain't supposed to hit my ass
up in this motherfucker?"
841
00:51:30,587 --> 00:51:34,591
And the nigger's so fast, you don't see
his punches till they comin' back.
842
00:51:36,927 --> 00:51:38,261
That's all you see, right?
843
00:51:38,345 --> 00:51:40,472
And your mind be sayin',
"Wait a minute now.
844
00:51:40,555 --> 00:51:43,308
There was some shit in my face
a minute ago. I know that."
845
00:51:46,603 --> 00:51:47,938
Ali came out, man,
846
00:51:48,021 --> 00:51:51,191
he threw about eight punches
a quarter-inch from my nose.
847
00:51:51,274 --> 00:51:54,402
He said--
[imitates rapid punches] I said, "Shit!"
848
00:51:54,486 --> 00:51:56,905
And I was happy to be in the ring
with the champ.
849
00:51:56,988 --> 00:52:00,116
You know what I mean. It was really nice,
but my mind kept saying,
850
00:52:00,200 --> 00:52:03,453
"What happen if this nigger
have one of them Joe Frazier flashbacks?"
851
00:52:05,288 --> 00:52:07,499
You know what I mean?
"Round 11-- Joe Frazier!"
852
00:52:07,582 --> 00:52:08,750
[imitates punch landing]
853
00:52:08,834 --> 00:52:12,254
It'd give me
brain damage for life.
854
00:52:12,337 --> 00:52:15,507
[babbling]
855
00:52:15,590 --> 00:52:18,093
Freaky deaky!
[laughs]
856
00:52:20,428 --> 00:52:23,265
That boxing a hard hustle though--
[imitates punching] Boom.
857
00:52:23,348 --> 00:52:25,517
I used to box
in the Golden Gloves.
858
00:52:25,600 --> 00:52:27,519
I was good in the gym.
859
00:52:27,602 --> 00:52:29,688
[chuckling]
860
00:52:29,771 --> 00:52:32,899
It was in the ring
where I had my trouble.
861
00:52:32,983 --> 00:52:35,819
I was a motherfucker in the gym,
you know, hittin' the heavy bag.
862
00:52:35,902 --> 00:52:37,821
[imitates punches landing]
863
00:52:37,904 --> 00:52:40,448
'Cause the bag don't move.
864
00:52:40,532 --> 00:52:42,534
'Cause you get in the ring,
niggers be talkin' 'bout--
865
00:52:45,829 --> 00:52:49,332
I said, "Hey, Coach!
What about this shit here?
866
00:52:49,416 --> 00:52:51,626
This nigger movin'!"
867
00:52:52,085 --> 00:52:54,045
And I always had to box them dudes
868
00:52:54,129 --> 00:52:56,381
that looked like they just
killed their parents.
869
00:52:58,174 --> 00:53:02,053
You ever see them niggers
with them big, rusty-ass hands?
870
00:53:02,137 --> 00:53:06,474
Kind of hand you can strike a match
in the middle of it?
871
00:53:06,558 --> 00:53:09,561
Right. They come out at the bell
beatin' theyself up.
872
00:53:09,644 --> 00:53:10,854
Right? Ding!
873
00:53:10,937 --> 00:53:12,689
[mic blaring]
874
00:53:16,568 --> 00:53:19,487
I said,
"Well, he don't give a fuck about me!
875
00:53:20,989 --> 00:53:23,033
He kickin' his own ass!"
876
00:53:25,076 --> 00:53:27,579
Then the coach say,
"Stick and move! Stick and move!"
877
00:53:27,662 --> 00:53:30,457
And you be scared
when you have your first boxin'.
878
00:53:32,751 --> 00:53:35,337
[crowd cheering and laughing]
879
00:53:38,757 --> 00:53:40,926
And you get one in, right? Pip!
880
00:53:41,009 --> 00:53:45,096
You look at your own shit--
"Hey, this shit might work!"
881
00:53:45,180 --> 00:53:47,557
Then you start tryin'
a little bit.
882
00:53:47,641 --> 00:53:52,020
Pang! Pang! Pip! Ping!
Pip-Ping!
883
00:53:52,103 --> 00:53:54,439
Then it get good to you. Right?
884
00:53:57,651 --> 00:53:59,861
Pang! Ping!
885
00:53:59,945 --> 00:54:04,574
And I fucked around and left
one of them "pings" out there too long.
886
00:54:04,658 --> 00:54:08,161
And I saw this nigger's eyes
got real red.
887
00:54:08,244 --> 00:54:12,457
And in his mind I know he was sayin',
"I'm gon' kill them ribs."
888
00:54:12,540 --> 00:54:15,043
And he hit me with a punch...
889
00:54:15,126 --> 00:54:17,921
he got from... Mississippi.
890
00:54:19,255 --> 00:54:22,008
It came in slow motion.
It say--
891
00:54:22,092 --> 00:54:25,762
[imitates object
cutting through air]
892
00:54:25,845 --> 00:54:28,348
Gained momentum
in Georgia.
893
00:54:31,226 --> 00:54:33,561
Swept up through Louisiana.
894
00:54:35,522 --> 00:54:38,483
And my body say,
"Get the fuck out the way!"
895
00:54:38,566 --> 00:54:40,777
I couldn't move though!
896
00:54:40,860 --> 00:54:41,695
But my mind say,
897
00:54:41,778 --> 00:54:45,240
"Drop your arm, block the punch
and counter with your right."
898
00:54:45,323 --> 00:54:47,784
But my arm say,
"I ain't got nothin' to do with it!"
899
00:54:47,867 --> 00:54:49,369
[people laughing]
900
00:54:51,079 --> 00:54:54,207
And he hit me in the ribs--
[imitates punch]
901
00:54:54,290 --> 00:54:56,793
[gasping]
902
00:55:04,718 --> 00:55:07,595
You ever had air
leave your body?
903
00:55:07,721 --> 00:55:10,640
Air just said, "Fuck it!"
904
00:55:12,434 --> 00:55:14,978
[gasps]
905
00:55:15,228 --> 00:55:18,982
Then he saw my other side was weak.
He said, "Oh, you want some air."
906
00:55:19,065 --> 00:55:21,943
[imitates blow landing, gasping]
907
00:55:22,027 --> 00:55:25,572
And I kept tryin' to fall.
908
00:55:25,739 --> 00:55:29,325
But my legs
was in good shape.
909
00:55:29,409 --> 00:55:31,244
They wouldn't fall.
910
00:55:31,327 --> 00:55:35,040
My legs looked at me and said,
"Why in the fuck should we fall?
911
00:55:35,123 --> 00:55:37,542
"Ain't nobody hit us!
912
00:55:37,625 --> 00:55:41,838
"Shit, you gon' make us look bad
'cause you can't take an ass-whuppin'?
913
00:55:41,921 --> 00:55:44,924
You better raise your ass
back up there, Jack!"
914
00:55:46,593 --> 00:55:48,970
I had one nigger
whup me so good,
915
00:55:49,054 --> 00:55:51,639
I thought he was
playin' conga on my body.
916
00:55:51,723 --> 00:55:56,186
[scatting]
I started dancin' with the motherfucker.
917
00:55:56,269 --> 00:55:58,772
[scatting continues]
918
00:56:03,526 --> 00:56:07,030
And what hurts you most
in boxing, when you box, right,
919
00:56:07,113 --> 00:56:09,282
is the motherfuckers
that hit you in the body.
920
00:56:09,365 --> 00:56:11,785
You can deal with them
wild-swingin' motherfuckers.
921
00:56:11,868 --> 00:56:13,161
You just block the punch.
922
00:56:13,244 --> 00:56:14,621
But them body punchers yeah,
923
00:56:14,704 --> 00:56:16,956
you come out with your guard
like this at first.
924
00:56:17,040 --> 00:56:19,834
It be all up here.
[imitates punches landing]
925
00:56:19,918 --> 00:56:22,045
About round five
you come out--
926
00:56:27,509 --> 00:56:30,345
And you forget
your chin is open.
927
00:56:30,428 --> 00:56:32,764
"He can't hit me
in the ribs now."
928
00:56:32,847 --> 00:56:35,266
Cat hits you in the chin--
Whap!
929
00:56:35,350 --> 00:56:38,103
And your legs
are the first things to go.
930
00:56:38,186 --> 00:56:41,272
Your legs say, "Excuse me.
931
00:56:41,356 --> 00:56:43,900
Uh, I'm falling.
I don't know about you."
932
00:56:43,983 --> 00:56:46,111
And you be sayin',
"No, legs! Hang in there!"
933
00:56:46,194 --> 00:56:47,070
"Fuck it!"
934
00:56:48,321 --> 00:56:50,949
And you be down, Jack.
935
00:56:51,032 --> 00:56:53,618
You start lookin' in the audience
for your parents.
936
00:56:55,245 --> 00:56:59,124
"Hi, Mom! I'm OK!"
937
00:56:59,207 --> 00:57:01,209
Referee countin' and shit.
938
00:57:01,292 --> 00:57:04,254
And you say, "I don't know
what the fuck you countin' for.
939
00:57:04,337 --> 00:57:06,172
"I ain't gettin' up.
940
00:57:09,843 --> 00:57:12,679
"I'm gon' make sure
this fight's over.
941
00:57:13,471 --> 00:57:16,141
I ain't gettin' out of the ring
till they start sweepin' up."
942
00:57:17,600 --> 00:57:20,395
And there's always somebody
in the audience talkin' 'bout,
943
00:57:20,478 --> 00:57:24,107
"Get up! Get up!"
944
00:57:24,190 --> 00:57:25,608
"Fuck you!
945
00:57:27,235 --> 00:57:30,572
That's how I got down here
in the first place!"
946
00:57:32,866 --> 00:57:35,493
That's why you gotta keep your legs
in shape, man,
947
00:57:35,577 --> 00:57:36,828
and do road work and shit.
948
00:57:36,911 --> 00:57:38,872
You gotta run four
or five miles a day.
949
00:57:39,914 --> 00:57:42,375
Ali run backwards,
'cause that's the way he fights.
950
00:57:45,086 --> 00:57:46,713
Fighters be runnin'
like this.
951
00:57:46,796 --> 00:57:47,714
My trainer, he say,
952
00:57:47,797 --> 00:57:50,508
"Run, keep your mouth closed.
Breathe through your nose."
953
00:57:50,592 --> 00:57:53,094
You be--
[huffing, panting]
954
00:57:55,430 --> 00:57:59,058
You ever be breathin' through your nose,
and snot start comin' out your nose?
955
00:57:59,142 --> 00:58:00,018
[wry face]
956
00:58:00,101 --> 00:58:01,936
That's when the women come out. Right?
957
00:58:02,020 --> 00:58:04,439
"You got snot
hanging on your nose."
958
00:58:05,023 --> 00:58:07,025
[muttering]
Thank you very much.
959
00:58:07,108 --> 00:58:09,777
You ever be running
and give it one of them-- [blows]
960
00:58:09,861 --> 00:58:12,238
and get it on somebody
running next to you?
961
00:58:13,740 --> 00:58:16,493
"Say, Jack, what's this shit
you got on my--
962
00:58:17,785 --> 00:58:20,163
Do you know
I will kick your ass?
963
00:58:20,246 --> 00:58:23,166
You gon' be runnin' for real,
you don't get this shit off me."
964
00:58:25,710 --> 00:58:28,671
And sometime it's ego-crushing
when you be runnin',
965
00:58:28,755 --> 00:58:31,633
'cause old white men
be out there lappin' your ass.
966
00:58:38,264 --> 00:58:40,266
[man yelling]
967
00:58:42,018 --> 00:58:44,896
You ever be runnin'
and you get that pain in your side?
968
00:58:44,979 --> 00:58:46,981
The pain say, "Hello!
969
00:58:47,106 --> 00:58:50,401
I'll be fucking with you
the next hour or so.
970
00:58:50,485 --> 00:58:53,988
I serve no purpose
other than to kill your ass.
971
00:58:54,072 --> 00:58:56,574
I'll be moving
from side to side,
972
00:58:56,658 --> 00:59:00,078
down your groin
and up your ass.
973
00:59:00,161 --> 00:59:02,789
When you drop dead,
I will stop."
974
00:59:04,958 --> 00:59:07,502
Get some water.
975
00:59:07,585 --> 00:59:10,505
[applause, cheering]
976
00:59:18,429 --> 00:59:19,597
[man yells]
977
00:59:19,681 --> 00:59:22,684
-[audience laughing]
-[Pryor chuckles]
978
00:59:24,352 --> 00:59:26,813
But you gotta stay
in shape and shit,
979
00:59:26,896 --> 00:59:31,276
'cause you never can tell
when, in real life, you will have to...
980
00:59:31,359 --> 00:59:33,152
run!
981
00:59:34,779 --> 00:59:36,614
That's right. Run!
982
00:59:36,698 --> 00:59:38,616
Goddamn it, run.
983
00:59:38,700 --> 00:59:41,953
Why get killed
when you can run?
984
00:59:43,705 --> 00:59:47,750
A lot of people get an ass-whuppin',
and you could run.
985
00:59:47,834 --> 00:59:53,256
You be in the hospital. Your ego'll heal
a lot faster than a broken jaw.
986
00:59:53,339 --> 00:59:56,926
'Cause you'll still be in the hospital
talkin' 'bout, "Shit, I shoulda run."
987
00:59:57,010 --> 00:59:58,678
[crowd laughing]
988
00:59:59,012 --> 01:00:01,806
Run! That's right.
989
01:00:01,889 --> 01:00:04,309
If somebody
pull a knife on you,
990
01:00:04,392 --> 01:00:08,813
and you can't pull out nothin'
but a hand with some skin on it,
991
01:00:08,896 --> 01:00:11,065
your intelligence
ought to tell you to...
992
01:00:11,149 --> 01:00:12,567
run!
993
01:00:14,193 --> 01:00:16,863
But people be watchin' Kojak
and shit too much.
994
01:00:16,946 --> 01:00:20,074
They think they have to be
"Macho Man"
995
01:00:20,158 --> 01:00:24,037
♪ I'll take that knife
and shove it up your ass ♪
996
01:00:30,043 --> 01:00:33,046
♪ I'm Macho Man ♪
997
01:00:33,129 --> 01:00:36,132
You go from "Macho Man"
to "dead person".
998
01:00:37,634 --> 01:00:39,761
'Cause, see, in the movies,
they always make
999
01:00:39,844 --> 01:00:42,138
gettin' stabbed with a knife
look like it's cool.
1000
01:00:42,221 --> 01:00:44,891
'Cause they have that music--
[humming dramatically]
1001
01:00:48,269 --> 01:00:51,981
See, in real life you don't hear no--
[hums dramatic music]
1002
01:00:52,065 --> 01:00:55,777
All you feel
is a knife in your ass.
1003
01:00:55,860 --> 01:00:59,238
You be talkin' 'bout--
[dramatic hum]
1004
01:00:59,322 --> 01:01:01,449
So run!
1005
01:01:01,532 --> 01:01:03,534
And teach your old lady how to run
1006
01:01:03,618 --> 01:01:06,371
so you don't have to go back
after her ass.
1007
01:01:06,454 --> 01:01:08,456
[applause, cheering]
1008
01:01:12,126 --> 01:01:16,047
You say, "I'll meet you home
in five minutes, baby!"
1009
01:01:16,130 --> 01:01:19,092
Then you got somethin' to laugh about
when you get home, right?
1010
01:01:19,175 --> 01:01:22,804
"Baby, I beat you here by two minutes.
What the fuck happened?"
1011
01:01:25,807 --> 01:01:28,226
But people try to be
♪ Macho Man ♪
1012
01:01:28,309 --> 01:01:30,645
That get you fucked up, Jack.
1013
01:01:30,728 --> 01:01:35,483
Especially nowadays. 'Cause young dudes,
they don't fight like older people.
1014
01:01:35,566 --> 01:01:36,609
You know what I mean?
1015
01:01:36,693 --> 01:01:39,445
We used to have gang fights,
you used your fists and shit.
1016
01:01:39,529 --> 01:01:41,989
Now they got that kung fu
and karate and shit.
1017
01:01:42,073 --> 01:01:43,741
They like to pluck your eye out
1018
01:01:43,825 --> 01:01:45,952
and pull your arm
out of the socket and shit,
1019
01:01:46,035 --> 01:01:48,246
or it ain't no fun to them.
1020
01:01:48,329 --> 01:01:50,665
So you go out there
with that old-fashioned shit,
1021
01:01:50,748 --> 01:01:52,583
they just kick you in the nuts.
1022
01:01:52,667 --> 01:01:55,336
Right? You be, "Come on, Jack."
They say-- Fibb.
1023
01:02:01,926 --> 01:02:04,011
[applauding, cheering]
1024
01:02:05,930 --> 01:02:07,849
[groaning]
"Oh, boy.
1025
01:02:07,932 --> 01:02:10,476
No, no, I've had enough.
1026
01:02:10,560 --> 01:02:12,937
[in raspy voice] You win, you win.
Oh, boy.
1027
01:02:13,020 --> 01:02:16,607
Oh, b-- Oopsy-daisy.
1028
01:02:16,691 --> 01:02:19,569
OK. No, I'm fine.
Just, uh--
1029
01:02:19,652 --> 01:02:22,071
"Just tryin' to find my balls.
1030
01:02:23,614 --> 01:02:26,409
Two. Yeah.
There was two of 'em.
1031
01:02:26,492 --> 01:02:28,453
Got the two.
1032
01:02:28,536 --> 01:02:31,164
Ah, here's one here.
1033
01:02:31,247 --> 01:02:34,333
No, no. I'll just put it in my pocket.
Thank you very much.
1034
01:02:36,419 --> 01:02:40,339
If you see the other one,
would you mail it to me?
1035
01:02:40,423 --> 01:02:42,842
See you around."
[muttering]
1036
01:02:44,093 --> 01:02:47,513
But you gotta stay in shape, right?
1037
01:02:47,597 --> 01:02:50,892
'Cause you never can tell.
You gotta swim or somethin'.
1038
01:02:50,975 --> 01:02:52,894
I can't swim myself.
1039
01:02:52,977 --> 01:02:55,062
My kids swim their ass off.
1040
01:02:55,146 --> 01:02:57,648
We got a pool. I can't swim.
I'm in the shallow part.
1041
01:02:57,732 --> 01:03:00,985
I be pitchin' a bitch
in the shallow part.
1042
01:03:02,612 --> 01:03:04,947
[gurgles]
What happened?
1043
01:03:05,031 --> 01:03:08,075
Don't nobody push me, Jack.
1044
01:03:08,159 --> 01:03:11,496
One time I was playin' with my kids
and forgot what I was doin'...
1045
01:03:11,579 --> 01:03:14,999
and fucked around
and jumped off in the deep end.
1046
01:03:15,082 --> 01:03:18,753
And that water
bring your memory back like that.
1047
01:03:21,589 --> 01:03:25,176
I didn't even get a chance to--
"Motherf--" [gurgling]
1048
01:03:25,259 --> 01:03:28,221
And all your mind says,
when you think you drownin' in a pool,
1049
01:03:28,304 --> 01:03:29,138
your mind says,
1050
01:03:29,222 --> 01:03:31,349
"Get to the edge!
1051
01:03:31,432 --> 01:03:34,435
Get your ass to the edge!"
1052
01:03:34,519 --> 01:03:38,523
And I was swimmin' my ass off
in one spot.
1053
01:03:38,606 --> 01:03:40,817
I wasn't goin' no place.
1054
01:03:40,900 --> 01:03:43,444
And my kids
was watchin' me. Right?
1055
01:03:43,528 --> 01:03:47,490
And my kids think
everything I do is funny.
1056
01:03:48,616 --> 01:03:51,118
They was like,
"Look at Daddy drownin'!"
1057
01:03:51,202 --> 01:03:53,704
[laughing]
1058
01:03:53,788 --> 01:03:57,750
"Daddy, you're so funny!
1059
01:03:57,834 --> 01:04:01,379
Kick your legs, Daddy!
Kick your legs!"
1060
01:04:01,462 --> 01:04:05,258
I said, "I'm gon' kick your ass,
you don't help me out this motherfucker!"
1061
01:04:08,344 --> 01:04:11,973
And my kids get away with shit
I never could get away with.
1062
01:04:12,056 --> 01:04:15,351
'Cause I can't bring myself
just to beat 'em up--
1063
01:04:15,434 --> 01:04:17,979
you know,
that kind of standard parent shit
1064
01:04:18,062 --> 01:04:19,105
like my family did.
1065
01:04:19,188 --> 01:04:21,816
'Cause I don't wanna fuck my kids up
like I'm fucked up.
1066
01:04:21,899 --> 01:04:23,526
[cheering]
1067
01:04:23,609 --> 01:04:25,194
So I just talk to 'em.
1068
01:04:25,278 --> 01:04:27,280
I say,
"Get the fuck out my face.
1069
01:04:27,363 --> 01:04:30,157
"Just leave me the fuck alone.
I don't wanna hear the shit.
1070
01:04:30,241 --> 01:04:32,869
You don't respect yourself,
and I know you don't respect me.
1071
01:04:32,952 --> 01:04:33,786
Now, fuck ya."
1072
01:04:36,080 --> 01:04:39,000
About an hour later,
they come to my room.
1073
01:04:39,083 --> 01:04:42,211
"I'm sorry.
I fucked up."
1074
01:04:43,880 --> 01:04:46,799
I said, "That's right.
Now, don't do it no more.
1075
01:04:46,883 --> 01:04:50,344
'Cause I don't wanna have to
get in your ass, you know."
1076
01:04:50,428 --> 01:04:52,847
"Oh, Daddy,
you're so funny."
1077
01:04:54,682 --> 01:04:57,602
My kids, when they lie--
that's the thing I love the most.
1078
01:04:57,685 --> 01:05:00,646
When they be tryin' to tell them lies,
and you know they lyin'.
1079
01:05:00,730 --> 01:05:03,024
You say,
"Uh, who broke this?"
1080
01:05:03,107 --> 01:05:04,609
"Huh?"
1081
01:05:05,735 --> 01:05:07,653
"I said, who broke this?"
1082
01:05:07,737 --> 01:05:09,864
"OK.
1083
01:05:09,947 --> 01:05:12,491
I'm gon' tell you. OK?"
1084
01:05:12,575 --> 01:05:14,619
First--
OK, I'm gon' tell you.
1085
01:05:14,702 --> 01:05:18,539
First- first,
I wasn't in here, right?
1086
01:05:20,333 --> 01:05:23,169
Uh-uh.
First, I was-- I was--
1087
01:05:23,252 --> 01:05:25,838
I was in the kitchen, OK?
1088
01:05:25,922 --> 01:05:28,633
Uh-huh. Then...
1089
01:05:28,716 --> 01:05:31,844
then- then, when I was in the kitchen,
1090
01:05:31,928 --> 01:05:34,055
you know what happened?
1091
01:05:34,138 --> 01:05:36,682
You don't know
what happened?
1092
01:05:36,766 --> 01:05:39,268
OK. I'm gon' tell you. OK?
1093
01:05:39,352 --> 01:05:43,064
Then, I was--
I was in the kitchen. OK?
1094
01:05:43,147 --> 01:05:46,692
Then I was--
I was runnin' in here--
1095
01:05:46,776 --> 01:05:49,028
I wasn't really runnin'.
1096
01:05:51,781 --> 01:05:55,534
'Cause you remember
when you told me not to run?
1097
01:05:55,618 --> 01:05:59,705
Uh-huh. So I wasn't
really runnin' runnin'.
1098
01:05:59,789 --> 01:06:03,876
But it was kinda like I was runnin'.
My legs was movin' real fast.
1099
01:06:03,960 --> 01:06:07,880
It looked like I was runnin',
but I wasn't really runnin'. Uh-uh.
1100
01:06:07,964 --> 01:06:11,509
And I was in here then
when that thing--
1101
01:06:11,592 --> 01:06:14,720
That thing was already broke.
1102
01:06:14,804 --> 01:06:17,640
Uh-huh. That was broke
even before I was born.
1103
01:06:19,392 --> 01:06:22,103
And when that door
was fell back like that,
1104
01:06:22,186 --> 01:06:25,523
and it broke and it fell down.
[mumbling]
1105
01:06:25,606 --> 01:06:27,608
That's what happened."
1106
01:06:38,577 --> 01:06:41,372
Get me some water.
1107
01:06:41,455 --> 01:06:43,374
[whispers]
Hi.
1108
01:06:43,457 --> 01:06:45,501
[man shouting]
Long Beach!
1109
01:06:45,584 --> 01:06:47,211
Fuck you!
1110
01:06:48,629 --> 01:06:51,382
[chuckling]
1111
01:06:53,551 --> 01:06:56,470
Can you- can you turn the lights up
just for a moment?
1112
01:06:56,554 --> 01:06:57,638
[man from audience]
No!
1113
01:06:57,722 --> 01:07:00,349
[audience shouting, whistling]
1114
01:07:00,433 --> 01:07:01,684
Just for a second.
1115
01:07:01,767 --> 01:07:03,644
[audience continues
shouting, whistling]
1116
01:07:03,728 --> 01:07:05,730
Shut the fuck up!
1117
01:07:05,813 --> 01:07:07,940
[audience laughing]
1118
01:07:08,024 --> 01:07:11,360
Turn the house lights up,
house people.
1119
01:07:11,444 --> 01:07:14,655
Lighters, just for a minute.
Just for a second.
1120
01:07:17,616 --> 01:07:20,953
Thank you.
I'd like to introduce you to someone.
1121
01:07:21,037 --> 01:07:23,581
Ladies and gentlemen,
Huey P. Newton.
1122
01:07:23,664 --> 01:07:24,915
Stand up, Huey.
1123
01:07:24,999 --> 01:07:27,001
[audience applauding, cheering]
1124
01:07:30,254 --> 01:07:32,590
Thank you for coming.
1125
01:07:34,383 --> 01:07:36,761
Turn the lights down now.
1126
01:07:36,844 --> 01:07:39,180
Turn the motherfuckers down.
1127
01:07:40,681 --> 01:07:42,641
Thank you very much.
1128
01:07:42,725 --> 01:07:46,187
Thanks for coming, Huey.
I'm happy that you're here.
1129
01:07:50,191 --> 01:07:52,109
Now, what--
[man shouting]
1130
01:07:52,193 --> 01:07:54,111
Shut the--
What, motherfucker?
1131
01:07:54,195 --> 01:07:55,780
What? You done stood up.
1132
01:07:55,863 --> 01:07:58,991
You crazy? You got a jacket on,
and it's hot in this motherfucker.
1133
01:07:59,075 --> 01:08:02,453
So I'm definitely gon' speak to you.
What is it?
1134
01:08:02,536 --> 01:08:04,455
[man]
You gotta rank on Mexicans!
1135
01:08:04,538 --> 01:08:06,082
I gotta--
About the Mexicans?
1136
01:08:06,165 --> 01:08:08,459
You want me to
rank the Mexicans.
1137
01:08:08,542 --> 01:08:11,170
You all in worse trouble
than niggers.
1138
01:08:13,839 --> 01:08:17,802
You all get to pass for white.
I can't be fuckin' with you all.
1139
01:08:17,885 --> 01:08:19,970
It's no fun
pickin' on Mexicans.
1140
01:08:20,054 --> 01:08:22,056
You guys
got a country.
1141
01:08:31,065 --> 01:08:32,691
And the Chinese too.
1142
01:08:32,775 --> 01:08:35,027
The Chinese-
here are Chinese people here, boy.
1143
01:08:35,111 --> 01:08:38,531
You better watch out.
I'll sic them on your ass.
1144
01:08:38,614 --> 01:08:40,866
There's a billion Chinese.
1145
01:08:40,950 --> 01:08:43,035
Ain't but 40 Mexicans.
1146
01:08:45,246 --> 01:08:49,083
That's a lot of people, right?
A billion people?
1147
01:08:49,166 --> 01:08:50,042
Jesus Christ.
1148
01:08:50,126 --> 01:08:52,711
Somebody in China
doin' some serious fuckin'.
1149
01:08:52,795 --> 01:08:54,380
[crowd laughs hysterically]
1150
01:08:55,589 --> 01:08:58,425
That's right. They fuck quick too.
[speaks mock Chinese]
1151
01:09:06,600 --> 01:09:09,061
I was in Chinatown, right?
1152
01:09:09,145 --> 01:09:11,355
We went to Chinatown
'bout five months ago.
1153
01:09:11,438 --> 01:09:13,983
I heard the funniest shit
I'd ever heard in my life--
1154
01:09:14,066 --> 01:09:16,277
it was a Chinese person that stuttered.
1155
01:09:17,862 --> 01:09:20,614
I swear! This dude was really
stuttering in Chinese!
1156
01:09:20,698 --> 01:09:23,868
Talkin' 'bout--
[stuttering in mock Chinese]
1157
01:09:31,959 --> 01:09:35,212
And his friends was getting mad at him,
tryin' to help his ass.
1158
01:09:35,296 --> 01:09:37,298
[shouts in mock Chinese]
1159
01:09:37,381 --> 01:09:40,551
He was still goin'--
[stuttering]
1160
01:09:47,224 --> 01:09:50,853
You go to Chinatown, they get mad
if you don't eat all the food.
1161
01:09:50,936 --> 01:09:52,855
Right?
1162
01:09:52,938 --> 01:09:55,149
"Man, can I have
the check, please?"
1163
01:09:55,232 --> 01:09:58,485
"You got two more dishes!"
1164
01:10:00,112 --> 01:10:02,573
"Man, I can't eat
no more of this shit."
1165
01:10:03,782 --> 01:10:06,785
"You order shit,
you eat shit!
1166
01:10:10,289 --> 01:10:13,292
Who you think you are--
Buster Brown?"
1167
01:10:14,627 --> 01:10:16,420
And they bring you a bill,
don't they?
1168
01:10:16,503 --> 01:10:19,882
You ever see them bills--
"$48.50? For what?"
1169
01:10:19,965 --> 01:10:22,218
Then they get smooth
on your ass.
1170
01:10:22,301 --> 01:10:24,762
"You had
two Lobster Cantonese--"
1171
01:10:25,804 --> 01:10:27,806
[muttering]
1172
01:10:29,099 --> 01:10:30,726
And if you really
don't understand,
1173
01:10:30,809 --> 01:10:34,021
they send that stutterin' motherfucker
over there to explain it you.
1174
01:10:34,104 --> 01:10:36,023
[stuttering
in mock Chinese]
1175
01:10:38,901 --> 01:10:39,902
You end up throwing your money at 'em--
1176
01:10:39,985 --> 01:10:41,862
"Here, motherfucker.
Take what you want.
1177
01:10:41,946 --> 01:10:44,865
Just shut the fuck up
'fore you die."
1178
01:10:47,660 --> 01:10:51,247
A billion people, boy.
Has to be some makin' love in China.
1179
01:10:51,330 --> 01:10:53,666
See, they ain't like black people
in China.
1180
01:10:53,749 --> 01:10:56,085
They fuck quick
and get it over with.
1181
01:10:56,168 --> 01:10:59,505
Black people try and stay in pussy
three and four days.
1182
01:10:59,672 --> 01:11:01,507
Be inventin' new ways
to fuck, right?
1183
01:11:01,590 --> 01:11:04,510
"Just take your leg, baby--
Wait. Move your arm.
1184
01:11:04,593 --> 01:11:07,429
Yeah. Here, put your pussy
on this ladder. Right.
1185
01:11:07,513 --> 01:11:10,599
Now just move around- yeah.
Now hold it. Yeah, shit! There it is!
1186
01:11:10,683 --> 01:11:13,852
Mm-hmm. Yeah, goddamn.
Don't you move now.
1187
01:11:13,936 --> 01:11:17,314
Mm-hmm. Yes. Mm-hmm."
1188
01:11:20,150 --> 01:11:23,112
And I just found out
some time ago
1189
01:11:23,195 --> 01:11:26,782
that sometime
women don't have orgasms.
1190
01:11:26,865 --> 01:11:29,493
And that fucked me up!
1191
01:11:29,576 --> 01:11:33,247
No, 'cause I just knew I was
doin' some serious fuckin'!
1192
01:11:33,330 --> 01:11:36,667
I'm talkin' 'bout when you get
the hump in your back and shit.
1193
01:11:38,377 --> 01:11:40,671
Get all ugly in the face.
1194
01:11:41,922 --> 01:11:44,049
Toes be talkin' 'bout--
1195
01:11:45,759 --> 01:11:48,679
And you go, "How was it, baby?"
Woman go--
1196
01:11:49,722 --> 01:11:51,890
[crowd laughs hysterically]
1197
01:11:53,892 --> 01:11:55,894
"You say--
1198
01:11:57,604 --> 01:11:59,606
Well, what the fuck is--"
1199
01:11:59,690 --> 01:12:01,608
"Well, I didn't come."
1200
01:12:03,193 --> 01:12:06,113
"Well, shit, I did!"
1201
01:12:06,196 --> 01:12:08,032
"Well, what about me?"
1202
01:12:08,115 --> 01:12:12,661
"What about you?
Shit, I got mine. Get yours!
1203
01:12:16,290 --> 01:12:19,001
Shit, I ain't got no time
to be sensitive, 'cause I'm--
1204
01:12:19,084 --> 01:12:21,712
♪ Macho man ♪
1205
01:12:21,795 --> 01:12:23,756
♪ I don't give a damn
if you come or not ♪
1206
01:12:23,839 --> 01:12:25,924
♪ I'm Macho Man ♪"
1207
01:12:30,679 --> 01:12:33,015
You gotta be cool
when you're Macho Man,
1208
01:12:33,098 --> 01:12:34,516
'cause you can't be sensitive
1209
01:12:34,600 --> 01:12:36,393
and care about if someone
have a good time in bed.
1210
01:12:36,477 --> 01:12:38,812
Shit. That's too scary.
1211
01:12:38,896 --> 01:12:40,230
'Cause men be scared in bed.
1212
01:12:40,314 --> 01:12:42,107
I don't give a fuck
what they tell you women.
1213
01:12:42,191 --> 01:12:45,694
When the sex is over, men be talkin' like,
"Did she come? I wonder if she came.
1214
01:12:45,778 --> 01:12:47,279
I wonder if it was good to her.
1215
01:12:47,363 --> 01:12:49,698
I'm not gonna ask her though.
I don't give a shit.
1216
01:12:49,782 --> 01:12:52,284
If she didn't like it,
that's all right I don't care!
1217
01:12:52,368 --> 01:12:54,244
'Cause I did the best I could.
Fuck her!
1218
01:12:54,328 --> 01:12:58,290
That's it. She's not gettin' any more
and that's it!
1219
01:12:58,374 --> 01:13:01,085
Please get hard. Please!
1220
01:13:01,168 --> 01:13:04,838
I don't care what-- Don't kiss me no more!
I don't wanna be touched!"
1221
01:13:04,922 --> 01:13:09,426
Some niggers be lyin'--
"I can fuck eight, nine hours, Jack."
1222
01:13:09,510 --> 01:13:12,930
You's some lyin'
motherfuckers.
1223
01:13:13,013 --> 01:13:17,267
You fuck nine hours, we know
where to bury your ass on the 10th.
1224
01:13:19,728 --> 01:13:21,688
'Cause I like
makin' love myself,
1225
01:13:21,772 --> 01:13:25,859
and I can make love
for about three minutes.
1226
01:13:25,943 --> 01:13:29,238
I do about three minutes
of serious fuckin',
1227
01:13:29,321 --> 01:13:31,740
then I need
eight hours sleep.
1228
01:13:31,824 --> 01:13:34,827
[audience laughing,
applauding, cheering]
1229
01:13:38,247 --> 01:13:40,416
And a bowl of Wheaties.
1230
01:13:42,668 --> 01:13:46,255
And you can tell when you'd have made
good love to your woman, right?
1231
01:13:46,338 --> 01:13:48,382
'Cause she will go to sleep.
1232
01:13:50,175 --> 01:13:51,593
That's when you really are--
1233
01:13:51,677 --> 01:13:54,471
♪ Macho Man ♪
1234
01:13:54,555 --> 01:13:58,183
♪ I put your ass to sleep
I'm Macho Man ♪
1235
01:14:04,565 --> 01:14:05,941
But if you finish fuckin'
1236
01:14:06,024 --> 01:14:08,694
and your woman want to talk
about computer components,
1237
01:14:10,028 --> 01:14:11,947
you got some more fuckin' to do.
1238
01:14:16,785 --> 01:14:18,287
And don't get me wrong.
1239
01:14:18,370 --> 01:14:21,623
They got some women
just as chauvinist as we men are.
1240
01:14:21,707 --> 01:14:25,419
Some women be talkin' about--
"Oh! No! Please stop! I can't take it!"
1241
01:14:25,502 --> 01:14:27,379
You say,
"Can you wait till I put it in?"
1242
01:14:27,463 --> 01:14:30,174
[audience laughing, cheering]
1243
01:14:37,514 --> 01:14:41,435
And usually, when men meet a woman
that says she never had an orgasm,
1244
01:14:41,518 --> 01:14:43,437
men, we go right past sensitivity.
1245
01:14:43,520 --> 01:14:45,355
We go right to the ego.
1246
01:14:45,439 --> 01:14:47,524
"Well, bitch,
you gon' come this evenin'!"
1247
01:14:48,317 --> 01:14:50,694
"Soon as I get my shit
open here.
1248
01:14:50,986 --> 01:14:54,364
As much shit as I got
in this briefcase, I know you gon' come.
1249
01:14:54,907 --> 01:14:57,159
Just a minute.
Yeah, here it is."
1250
01:14:57,242 --> 01:14:59,745
[imitates vibrator humming]
1251
01:15:01,079 --> 01:15:03,081
[humming: lower register]
1252
01:15:06,084 --> 01:15:08,003
[humming: lower register]
1253
01:15:12,508 --> 01:15:15,719
"Just relax."
[humming continues]
1254
01:15:21,391 --> 01:15:24,728
And when you don't use sensitivity
when you havin' sex,
1255
01:15:24,811 --> 01:15:26,355
or share some of your soul,
1256
01:15:26,438 --> 01:15:27,648
nothin' gonna happen.
1257
01:15:27,731 --> 01:15:31,443
Because men really get afraid.
Men are really scared in bed.
1258
01:15:31,527 --> 01:15:34,905
When you got to have that macho shit
be workin', it's hard to say,
1259
01:15:34,988 --> 01:15:38,909
"Um, d-did, uh--
1260
01:15:38,992 --> 01:15:41,662
d-did you-
d-did you, um--
1261
01:15:42,788 --> 01:15:44,790
[whimpering]
1262
01:15:46,124 --> 01:15:48,126
[haltingly]
did you come?
1263
01:15:49,670 --> 01:15:51,672
Did you?"
1264
01:15:53,257 --> 01:15:54,967
Right? 'Cause men get defensive.
1265
01:15:55,050 --> 01:15:58,053
If a woman says she didn't come,
men get real defensive.
1266
01:15:58,136 --> 01:16:00,055
They won't take no fault for shit.
1267
01:16:00,138 --> 01:16:02,432
They might say anything
when they get scared.
1268
01:16:02,516 --> 01:16:04,851
Men go,
"Uh, look, baby, uh,
1269
01:16:04,935 --> 01:16:06,436
maybe your pussy dead."
1270
01:16:06,520 --> 01:16:08,438
[crowd laughs hysterically]
1271
01:16:12,985 --> 01:16:15,571
And women always have
a great comeback.
1272
01:16:15,654 --> 01:16:19,283
Women say, "Well, why don't you give it
mouth-to-mouth resuscitation?"
1273
01:16:26,498 --> 01:16:29,418
You ever give head
for nine hours?
1274
01:16:29,501 --> 01:16:31,420
Your back locks.
1275
01:16:31,503 --> 01:16:34,256
Your jaws and shit
swell all up.
1276
01:16:34,339 --> 01:16:36,675
Lips look like a cartoon, Jack.
1277
01:16:36,758 --> 01:16:40,596
[mumbling]
"Please. I can't do any more."
1278
01:16:40,679 --> 01:16:45,267
And when you stop, woman always say,
"But I almost came!"
1279
01:16:48,395 --> 01:16:50,272
Finally, I ended up sayin',
1280
01:16:50,355 --> 01:16:52,399
"Look, I'll be the bitch.
You get on top."
1281
01:16:53,317 --> 01:16:55,235
And she came too!
Right?
1282
01:16:55,319 --> 01:16:57,738
She said--
[moaning, screaming]
1283
01:16:57,821 --> 01:17:00,282
"I'm coming!"
1284
01:17:00,365 --> 01:17:05,495
[moaning, yelling]
1285
01:17:05,579 --> 01:17:09,333
[singing five tones from
Close Encounters Of The Third Kind ]
1286
01:17:11,585 --> 01:17:14,588
[applause, cheering]
1287
01:17:17,883 --> 01:17:20,052
She say, "How was it?"
I say--
1288
01:17:22,596 --> 01:17:23,972
Thank you.
1289
01:17:26,058 --> 01:17:29,645
[audience cheer and applaud]
1290
01:17:38,028 --> 01:17:39,655
[Pryor] Thank you.
1291
01:17:39,738 --> 01:17:41,782
[applause, cheering continues]
100183
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