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1
00:00:05,560 --> 00:00:06,480
(ENGINE REVVING)
2
00:00:06,520 --> 00:00:08,440
(TRAIN WHISTLE BLASTS)
3
00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:57,080
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
4
00:00:57,120 --> 00:00:59,680
JEREMY: Thank you.
JAMES: Thank you.
5
00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:02,160
Thank you.
6
00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:03,960
Thank you very much,
everyone.
7
00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:08,760
Now, welcome to what is
a Grand Tour special,
8
00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:12,120
in which we go on vacation.
9
00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:13,640
Yep. Let me explain.
10
00:01:13,680 --> 00:01:15,400
The other day
we were wondering
11
00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:19,280
why some people who
want to visit the western
bit of America,
12
00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:23,280
choose to do so on
an RV touring holiday.
13
00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:25,920
It is very popular.
I mean, we all have friends
who have done it.
14
00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:27,960
And they say
they had a good time.
15
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,760
Sounds like caravanning
to us, though.
16
00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:32,200
-And you couldn't
enjoy that...
-(LAUGHTER)
17
00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:33,960
...unless you were mental.
However,
18
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:37,320
Mr Wilman says that since
this is a motoring,
19
00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:39,160
and travel
and adventure show
20
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,280
he would rent us an RV.
21
00:01:41,320 --> 00:01:43,600
And then we could
go over there
22
00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:47,160
to see if we could find
out what the appeal is.
23
00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:56,520
JAMES: This was
the location he chose.
24
00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:05,160
And this was the
Winnebago Chieftain
that he rented for us.
25
00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:08,240
And it was
very terrible in every way.
26
00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:12,160
Chaps,
if you'd like to brace,
27
00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:15,160
I'm gonna put my foot down,
see what she'll do. Happy?
28
00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:17,160
BOTH: Yeah.
-Here we go.
29
00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:20,160
(ENGINE REVS)
30
00:02:21,240 --> 00:02:22,320
40.
31
00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:26,880
43.
32
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:31,160
That's flat-out.
33
00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:35,000
JEREMY: This slowness put
Hammond and me in a bad mood.
34
00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:37,440
You're just helping yourself
to cards. I...
35
00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:39,960
I thought that was the idea.
Gotta find all the cards...
36
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:42,000
I have to have
a turn as well.
37
00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:43,880
Well, that'll take ages.
38
00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:45,760
Don't make my holiday worse
than it already is.
39
00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:48,080
-(RATTLING)
-It is pretty bad in here,
isn't it?
40
00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:50,400
It's worse
than I thought it would be.
41
00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:54,080
Who decided, "Yes,
that wallpaper makes
it look like home"?
42
00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:57,600
This material existed...
43
00:02:57,640 --> 00:03:00,520
...in the late-1960s
in South Yorkshire.
44
00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:03,080
It's called pleblon
that we're sitting on.
45
00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:05,440
And this - this is vulgalure.
46
00:03:05,480 --> 00:03:08,520
RV design,
as far as I can tell,
47
00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:11,080
stopped in 1972.
48
00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:12,440
RICHARD: Yes.
49
00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:14,040
It's a different
design language
50
00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:16,080
and the language is: Shit.
51
00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:19,320
But all of this
doesn't trouble me
52
00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:22,360
half as much as that.
53
00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:24,680
We're here for a week.
54
00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:28,360
At no point will
we be more than 12 feet
55
00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:30,240
from where
the turds are stored.
56
00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:32,320
His turds.
57
00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:35,280
Look at this.
58
00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:38,040
That's the lavatory door.
59
00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:40,840
Look at it.
This is unacceptable.
60
00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:43,080
What separates
us from the animals
61
00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:46,640
is reason
and defecating in private.
62
00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:50,960
You go somewhere comfortable,
read a newspaper,
do your business.
63
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:52,760
You can't do that in there.
64
00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:55,120
-(RATTLING)
-What is
that shocking racket?
65
00:03:55,160 --> 00:03:58,160
-Everything.
-Everything rattles
because it's full of crap.
66
00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:00,120
(JEREMY GROANS)
67
00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:02,840
I'm not... I can't...
I can't do a week in here.
68
00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:05,600
(RATTLING)
69
00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:08,480
JEREMY: After just five miles
we'd had enough.
70
00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:12,080
And pulled over
for a cup of American coffee.
71
00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:16,200
Right. Recipe's very simple.
Take a coffee bean
and razor blade.
72
00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:18,960
Chop just the end off.
Lovely.
73
00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:20,720
Let's check the...
74
00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,240
Lukewarm? Yeah.
75
00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:25,040
Pop it in.
76
00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:26,600
(STIRS) Mix it up
till the water is
77
00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:29,680
just slightly coloured.
78
00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:31,600
-Perfect.
-So in conclusion, then,
79
00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:34,520
there is no appeal
to an RV holiday, is there?
80
00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:38,440
This whole experience
wouldn't be so bad
81
00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:41,600
if we somehow
could modify it,
so it's better to live in.
82
00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:43,800
Well, only if
we could have one each.
83
00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:45,560
Well, why don't we do that?
84
00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:48,520
JAMES: Get one each?
-Yeah, why don't we
just get one each?
85
00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:51,560
And then modify it to suit
our particular requirements.
86
00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:55,680
-We don't have to have
all of this offensive--
-We can do what we want.
87
00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:58,520
JAMES: We therefore
abandoned Mr Wilman's RV
88
00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:01,520
and went off to buy our own.
89
00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:05,880
Which we then personalised
to suit our individual
holiday needs.
90
00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:12,640
JAMES:
This is what I've gone for.
91
00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:15,360
It's the Ford F550
National Tropical.
92
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:18,360
And...it's 36 feet long.
93
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:20,040
Why so massive?
94
00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:21,800
I wanted to modify it
in such a way
95
00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:24,240
that I brought a small
taste of home with me.
96
00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:26,440
-Can you guess what it is?
RICHARD: Er...
97
00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:28,360
-Brown furniture.
-A tea cosy.
98
00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:29,920
-A rusty motorcycle.
-No.
99
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:31,320
-Follow me.
-What?
100
00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:35,440
Holy moly!
101
00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:39,080
-Whoa-ho!
-Yes, welcome to the Rack
and Pinion. What will it be?
102
00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:41,920
RICHARD: I'm in a pub.
JEREMY: I'm staggered.
103
00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:44,280
RICHARD: It's got peanuts on
the wall, terrible pictures.
104
00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:46,720
-Yes.
-This is fabulous. (LAUGHS)
105
00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:48,480
-I know.
-Warm brown beer.
106
00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:51,200
Yep. Would you like
a glass of Lady Petrol?
107
00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:55,160
-Is that rosé? Lady Petrol?
-Yes. I've equipped it
with your favourite drinks.
108
00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:56,760
-What's that?
-That's for you.
109
00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:59,120
JEREMY: Brummie's Ruin.
110
00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:00,920
BOTH: It's gin.
-Have you remembered
to ensure
111
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:03,240
there are sufficient urine
traces in the peanuts?
112
00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:05,600
Yes,
I urinated on them myself.
113
00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:09,600
Can I just ask: why have you
got a drawing of three stroke
victims on the wall?
114
00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:11,200
That's us.
115
00:06:12,280 --> 00:06:14,280
-Er...
-What?
116
00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:17,520
-Dartboard.
-Yes, it's a pub.
117
00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:21,080
Darts is a fine game
and helped England
win a lot of wars.
118
00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:23,360
Darts is for people
who have no conversation.
119
00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:26,160
-Rubbish!
-Who wants to go to
the pub and do maths?
120
00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:28,640
It's no good telling me what
you want your pub to be like.
121
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:31,280
-I don't want my pub--
-This is my pub.
This is what it's like.
122
00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:33,240
This is a traditional pub.
123
00:06:33,280 --> 00:06:35,440
-This is what they look like.
-This is great. It works.
124
00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:37,400
We're already talking
pub bollocks.
125
00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:39,680
James, it's my job to
ridicule you, obviously.
126
00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:43,640
But I can't. Because, apart
from the dartboard, you've
done an incredible job.
127
00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:45,880
-Thank you.
-But it isn't quite
as incredible
128
00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:47,960
as the job I've done.
129
00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:54,400
RICHARD: Whoa!
-I've gone, as you can see,
for a nautical theme.
130
00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:57,000
-In the desert.
-Yes, bear with me.
131
00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:58,760
Two-tone paintwork,
obviously.
132
00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:02,440
Jet ski on the back,
and then, up on the top,
133
00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:06,760
and this really is
the pièce de résistance,
the flying bridge.
134
00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:10,160
-What, so you can drive it
from outside?
-Why would you not do that?
135
00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:12,920
-Because you built it.
-I hate jet skis, by the way.
136
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:17,080
I know, but I...
You told me my hatred
of darts is irrelevant.
137
00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:19,320
-You kept mentioning it.
-It does look nautical.
138
00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:21,480
-Shoes off. Shoes off.
JAMES AND RICHARD: What?
139
00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:23,200
-Shoes off.
-Why?
140
00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:25,360
-It's a boat.
-Oh, I hate that!
141
00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:27,360
I can afford
£2 million on a boat,
142
00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:30,680
but not a new bit of carpet
if it gets some dust on it
off my shoes.
143
00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:32,720
-It's a bit Surrey.
-Off.
144
00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:35,040
-Oh, God.
-Right, good.
145
00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,440
RICHARD:
Right, boots are off. Whoa!
146
00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:40,640
-What?
-Is this all bathroom?
147
00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:44,640
Yes, obviously.
Or lavatory.
148
00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:46,520
Shower here, tiled,
as you can see.
149
00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:48,360
Tasteful.
150
00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:51,360
Sink unit, vanity mirror,
restrained.
151
00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:54,800
And...
just pop this open like so.
152
00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:58,040
-Wow.
-Lower the flap,
153
00:07:58,080 --> 00:08:00,120
which means
that in the morning...
154
00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:04,560
...I can...sit down
155
00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:06,680
..and I can...
well, I can see the pub.
156
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,480
As we know, luxury is
defined by light and space.
157
00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:11,880
JAMES: Hm?
-So this is a luxurious bog.
158
00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:14,120
JAMES: Correct.
-And also, look.
159
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:18,200
This is not some camping
lavatory where you defecate
on a piece of plastic.
160
00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:19,720
Observe.
161
00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,880
(FLUSHES)
162
00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:23,560
Oh, it's a proper thing.
163
00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:26,000
Well, how, where does...
where does that go?
164
00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:29,520
-Underneath the RV.
-What, to, like,
a tank or something?
165
00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:31,720
No, underneath the RV.
166
00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:34,040
What, you're going to
drive off in your bathroom
167
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:37,240
-leaving behind
a mound of turds?
-Yes.
168
00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:38,880
-Where are you gonna sleep?
-Here.
169
00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:41,880
This is the exact same width
as my forearm.
170
00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:43,520
JAMES: Oh, yes.
171
00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:46,960
RICHARD: It's more of
a cupboard, really, isn't it?
172
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:50,760
JEREMY: The roof, however,
was a different story.
173
00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:53,080
-Whoa!
RICHARD: Oh, I say.
174
00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:55,080
Well, this is wasted space
normally, isn't it?
175
00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:57,320
JEREMY: Exactly.
JAMES: It's pretty good this,
Hammond.
176
00:08:57,360 --> 00:08:59,200
-But hang on a minute.
-What?
177
00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:02,880
-This is... This is very
impressive. It's very--
-Aargh! Ha-ha, ha ha-ha!
178
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,640
-(LAUGHTER)
-Oh, yes!
179
00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:07,720
-Ha, ha-ha!
-Oh, ho.
180
00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:10,160
-So that's something
to look forward to.
-Aargh!
181
00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:13,160
(LAUGHS) Yeah, don't let
skin touch anything.
182
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:16,960
Right, so assuming you
were able to sit
in the scaldingly hot seat.
183
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,000
-Yes.
-Under the blazing sun.
184
00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:20,640
-Yes.
-How does it work?
185
00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:22,880
Have you got brakes
and accelerator and...
186
00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:25,080
Accelerating.
187
00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:26,840
-Braking.
-Right.
188
00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:29,080
-Gears.
-Oh, so it really is a boat.
189
00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:32,200
Yeah. Look, the way I see it
is this, gentlemen.
190
00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:36,120
Almost no one would
want to go on holiday
in a 36-foot caravan,
191
00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:38,280
but everybody
would bite your arm off
192
00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:40,840
to go on holiday
in a 36-foot gin palace.
193
00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:43,120
-They're
not really that different.
-No, they're not.
194
00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:45,960
It's just one floats on water
and one goes on land.
195
00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,520
-Right, Hammond.
-Yes.
196
00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:50,960
-Where's yours?
-Over there.
197
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:53,360
-What, behind the lorry?
-No, it is the lorry.
That's it.
198
00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:55,520
JAMES: That's not an RV.
199
00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:58,880
It is. Look, it's big, I can
sleep on it and it's got
a bike on the back.
200
00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:02,080
-That's a recreational
vehicle right there.
-This we have got to see.
201
00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:10,280
It's big and it needs to
move along, so a truck
is the obvious answer.
202
00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:12,600
-What sort of truck is it?
-I don't know. Truck.
203
00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:15,160
These are the ones that used
to be the U-Haul lorry. Ooh!
204
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:18,960
-You've still got the sign of
the previous owner on it.
-It doesn't matter.
205
00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:21,000
Come aboard,
leave your shoes on,
206
00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:22,880
cos this wood
is very splintery.
207
00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:25,600
RICHARD: Um...
208
00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:28,000
Here's the living
accommodation.
209
00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:30,760
-What living accommodation?
-There's a bed.
210
00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:33,880
There, bed. Telescope in case
I get bored in the evening.
211
00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:38,240
And then rocking chair
in case of visitors
and a motorcycle on the back.
212
00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:40,640
So, just two secs.
213
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,520
-Stacks.
-Yeah.
214
00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:44,160
-Engine?
-It's got a V8.
215
00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:47,080
-Whose?
-Mine now,
I bought the truck.
216
00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:49,640
JAMES: You have made
no effort whatsoever.
217
00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:51,880
Oh, no, now I have,
but I've distilled it down.
218
00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:56,360
I haven't wasted time and
effort on complicated stuff
I don't need.
219
00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:58,400
-This is honest.
-So when you come to my...
220
00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:01,200
and say, "Please, Jeremy,
can I borrow your lavatory?"
in the morning,
221
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:03,560
I'm gonna say no, cos you
accused me of wasting time.
222
00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:06,160
And if you want to come
to my pub for a drink
of your gin,
223
00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:07,760
which I've put on tap
for you, I'll say,
224
00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:10,120
"No, it's just
a waste of time, Hammond."
225
00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:12,480
I didn't realise we were
setting up a sort of stock
exchange of resources
226
00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:15,240
-needed by
the roaming camper.
-Hammond?
227
00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:18,360
-Yes?
-Your lorry - I'm not
gonna call it an RV...
228
00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:20,800
JEREMY: It isn't an RV.
-...is dismal.
229
00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:23,200
God strewth.
230
00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:25,160
JEREMY:
On that note, we set off...
231
00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:29,440
...to see what our RVs
and Hammond's lorry,
232
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:30,760
were like on the road.
233
00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:40,440
So, let's have a look at what
we've got on the dash here.
234
00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:43,960
Left-hand panel: don't know
what any of that does.
235
00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:46,640
Central panel,
four warning lights.
236
00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:48,080
Don't know what they're for.
237
00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:49,480
They've got
handwritten notices
238
00:11:49,520 --> 00:11:51,600
but that's all rubbed off.
239
00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:55,640
Everything on the right-hand
panel: CB radio,
stereo tape player etcetera -
240
00:11:55,680 --> 00:11:57,560
all broken.
Switch here?
241
00:11:57,600 --> 00:12:00,480
-(CLICKING)
-Nothing.
242
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:04,760
Air con is good, though,
and that, frankly,
is all that matters.
243
00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:06,320
It's 100 degrees out there.
244
00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:14,440
Hello, viewers.
You join me driving my pub.
245
00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:17,280
And given that the two things
I do most in life
246
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:19,680
are driving
and going to the pub,
247
00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:22,960
this is a perfect
arrangement, isn't it?
248
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:25,000
Go on, change up,
you bastard.
249
00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:26,920
-(GEAR CHANGES)
-Thank you.
250
00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:34,200
Nice view, that.
251
00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:36,200
Better than the view
from my pub back home.
252
00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:39,280
That's a view of a wall
and some bins.
253
00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:44,720
Hello, America.
I'm here to explore.
254
00:12:46,560 --> 00:12:48,200
I'm not gonna push it
hard up this hill,
255
00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:50,280
cos I've noticed
it's running quite hot.
256
00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:54,280
Yeah, doing er...
15 miles an hour,
257
00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:56,440
but I'm really not
in a race.
258
00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:01,760
Yeah, I'm down
to 13 miles an hour.
259
00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:05,720
Which is plenty.
260
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:12,280
-(BANG)
-That's... That's my engine.
261
00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:14,880
-(BANG)
-My engine is backfiring.
262
00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:17,160
-(SERIES OF BANGS)
-Yeah.
263
00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:21,880
You don't wanna
break down round here.
264
00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:24,840
This is where
all the madmen live...
265
00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:29,160
...that follow you in pick-up
trucks and black lorries.
266
00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:31,920
What is...?
267
00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:35,560
What's that?
268
00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:39,760
What the hell?
269
00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:52,440
Did you see that guy?
270
00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:56,280
I didn't see anybody. Where?
271
00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:58,160
What guy?
272
00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:01,480
The guy at the side of
the road. Did you see him?
273
00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:02,960
No, I didn't see anybody.
274
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:05,000
No,
there was nobody in the road.
275
00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:06,920
RICHARD: Jeremy.
276
00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:08,560
Why aren't you driving
yours on the roof?
277
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:10,320
Well, it's annoying.
278
00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:12,600
It turns out off-road
I can drive it on the roof,
279
00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:14,240
but when I'm on the road,
280
00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:16,920
there's a law
that says I can't.
281
00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:19,360
What, that you can't drive
your RV from the roof?
282
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:22,840
-Yeah, I know.
-It's health and safety
gone mad.
283
00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:24,440
It's ridiculous.
284
00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:28,400
My only real issue, and
it is - it's significant -
285
00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:32,800
is that my idle speed
is 5,000rpm,
286
00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:35,880
which means my foot is
now not on the accelerator
287
00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:38,760
and I'm now doing 48.
288
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:40,720
Oh, Christ...
Hang on, wait, stand by.
289
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:43,920
(REVVING)
290
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,520
You have to jab
the throttle like that,
291
00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:50,640
to get it to stop
accelerating,
292
00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:53,600
which, of course, causes
you to accelerate more.
293
00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:54,920
So if there's an emergency,
294
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:58,080
I must
accelerate like that...
295
00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:01,000
...to then be able
to slow down.
296
00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:05,960
Look at that.
297
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:07,320
If he had a purple jacket on
298
00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:08,640
he'd look like
one of those men
299
00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:11,960
who takes old ladies
on tours of North Wales.
300
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:15,160
JAMES: I'm going to pull in
in front of you,
so tell me when I can.
301
00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:19,080
Not yet. Not yet.
302
00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:22,840
Not yet. Not yet.
303
00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:26,720
Not yet. Not yet.
304
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:29,720
Now.
305
00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:32,240
Can you speed up a bit,
Hammond?
We're all bunching up.
306
00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:33,800
Urrrrh!
307
00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:36,240
I can't go
much faster than this.
308
00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:40,440
It starts to overheat
quite badly and suddenly.
309
00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:44,120
(LAUGHS) I'm not sure
I'd trust us three doing...
310
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:45,640
doing this.
311
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:51,280
Soon we arrived in
a typical American town.
312
00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:58,240
Which, of course,
had a typical RV campsite.
313
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:03,600
This'll do. We're home.
314
00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:06,000
So, we decided
to check in for the night.
315
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:11,560
Ow.
316
00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:14,200
33 I'm looking for.
317
00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:17,240
That's me.
318
00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:28,200
Stop, stop.
319
00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:30,320
-Stop. Stop.
-(THUD)
320
00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:33,120
(ENGINE STILL RUNNING)
321
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:36,640
Idle speed has gone
completely berserk.
322
00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:39,280
I do apologise, everybody.
323
00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:41,120
There's literally
nothing I can do.
324
00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:44,400
That is my idle speed.
325
00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:47,840
-(KEYS JANGLE)
-Aargh! Ha-ha, ha-ha!
326
00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:53,600
My ignition key is at
3,000 degrees centigrade.
327
00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:57,320
Sorry, everyone.
Sorry about the noise.
328
00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:59,120
I know,
we'll use the director.
329
00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:00,520
Sorry, mate,
if you could just
330
00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:02,440
turn the engine off
that would be great.
331
00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:08,760
Call 911. He's going to need
some fingers in a minute.
332
00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:11,760
-Ow!
-(ENGINE OFF)
333
00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:13,800
-(BLEEP)
-(CLATTERING)
334
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:15,760
(LAUGHS)
335
00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:19,240
Yeah, it does that.
336
00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:21,080
How hot
are those ignition keys?
337
00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:23,800
-Hot!
-(LAUGHS)
338
00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:26,080
Not as hot as
the cameraman's right leg.
339
00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:28,040
CAMERAMAN:
Yeah, that nearly took my...
340
00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:30,800
That was flame
enveloped your right leg.
341
00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:33,720
Oh, sh-- Oh, guys.
342
00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:35,640
We have an emergency.
343
00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:40,480
Yeah.
344
00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:46,560
RICHARD: On the other, more
peaceful side of the park,
345
00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:49,560
I'd settled down
to soak up life in my row.
346
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:52,920
Hello, neighbour.
347
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:02,080
I'll come over later, maybe
play cards or something.
348
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:11,760
That dog's taking a wee.
349
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:16,080
Meanwhile, at the Rack and
Pinion, it was opening time.
350
00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:18,080
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
351
00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:20,480
(WHIRRING)
352
00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:40,000
Drop by for a beer later
if you like.
353
00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:48,800
JEREMY:
As James got acquainted
with his neighbours,
354
00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:53,080
Hammond was showing me
the view from his veranda.
355
00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:55,560
There is a compound there
where you take your dog
for a crap.
356
00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:58,640
JEREMY: Is that...
is that a dog lavatory?
-Yes.
357
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:01,920
My... My porch overlooks it.
358
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:03,920
Can I tell you
what a member of our crew -
359
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:06,320
who I won't name because
it'd be embarrassing,
but it was--
360
00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:09,080
-What does it begin with?
-It was Ellis the
photographer it begins with.
361
00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:11,960
He said to me, is when people
come round these places,
362
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,000
-what you do is...
-Yeah?
363
00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:16,760
(SNIGGERS)
It's not for camera.
364
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:21,000
You put the word
"anal" in front of all of the
names of the caravans.
365
00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:22,960
-(LAUGHS)
-So you've got
Anal Wanderer...
366
00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:26,720
Anal Gearbox...
367
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:30,000
-Anal Desire.
-(LAUGHING) Anal Hemisphere.
368
00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:33,280
Anal Open Range.
Anal Cougar.
369
00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:35,520
Anal Sprinter.
370
00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:38,520
-(BOTH LAUGH)
-That's what you do!
371
00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:44,400
JEREMY: Over at the pub,
James was dispensing drinks
to the locals.
372
00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:47,760
It's a bit lively, sir.
I'm sorry, but the pub
has been on the move
373
00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:49,800
-and rattled around
quite a bit.
WOMAN: Oh, I bet.
374
00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:52,560
If you leave that just to
settle for a few minutes.
375
00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:54,400
I'll try a warm brown,
please.
376
00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:57,320
(SQUIRTING)
377
00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,560
WOMAN: More foamy?
-A little bit foamy.
378
00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:02,240
If you'd like to just let
that settle for a bit, sir.
379
00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:06,320
I think I'll go with
a Jack Daniels.
380
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:10,520
JEREMY: Having run out of
bottom jokes, Hammond and I
had gone for a walk
381
00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:14,800
in what's billed as the
great American wilderness.
382
00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:24,240
-Is that a scrapyard?
-Yes.
383
00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:31,640
RICHARD: I do prefer
the Lake District.
384
00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:35,160
JEREMY: Back at the pub,
James was entertaining
his guests
385
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:37,800
with his conversation.
386
00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:41,000
What you call
warm British beer to us
is cellar temperature,
387
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:45,920
which is not as cold as
a refrigerator but colder
than room temperature.
388
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:47,880
Right, right, right.
389
00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:52,320
Erm...anybody mind
if I have one?
390
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:54,320
-No. Help yourself.
-No. Help yourself.
391
00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:01,080
JEREMY: I mean,
there must be
more to it than this.
392
00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:03,000
RICHARD: You do wonder
what people do.
393
00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:05,160
JEREMY: I don't wonder.
I know what they do.
394
00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:06,960
They wife-swap.
395
00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:10,040
-Sunset?
-It's lovely.
396
00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:18,080
-Hammond.
-What?
397
00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:20,560
-Hammond. Do you...?
-What?
398
00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:22,560
-Did you see that?
-See what?
399
00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:30,560
-What?
-No, nothing.
400
00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:33,000
-I'm going to turn in.
-Yeah, you're right. Sleep.
401
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:35,320
JAMES: Well, this year,
because we've had
a record summer,
402
00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:36,760
it's actually
very warm and sunny
403
00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:38,720
but usually...
September's all right
404
00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:42,240
but by the time you get to
November, certainly,
it's getting cold.
405
00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:44,320
The worst bit in England
is sort of January...
406
00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:49,960
JEREMY:
After James had run out
of his conversation,
407
00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:51,880
he shut his pub for the night
408
00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:55,320
and came round to my place
with a plan.
409
00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:58,560
Clarkson.
410
00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:01,400
Clarkson.
411
00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:03,440
-What?
-I've got an idea.
412
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:06,920
-What?
-To go and burgle
Hammond's tent.
413
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:10,120
You know how he's been
burgled before
and he just doesn't notice?
414
00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:16,640
-Oh, my God, yes.
-Exactly.
415
00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:20,400
JAMES: Hammond claimed
after he was burgled
on holiday last year,
416
00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:25,000
he hadn't woken up because
the burglars had gassed him.
417
00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:27,000
Yeah, right.
418
00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:30,200
-Where's his lorry tent?
-The far side.
419
00:22:46,360 --> 00:22:47,920
(DOG BARKS)
420
00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:53,560
(THUDS AND CREAKS)
421
00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:55,520
RICHARD:
Where's all my stuff?
422
00:22:57,800 --> 00:22:59,720
The bastards!
423
00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:14,240
-Good morning.
-Hm. Dubious.
424
00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:17,600
Ow.
425
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:21,920
(QUIETLY) Clarkson!
426
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:25,920
-What?
-Have you stolen my bag?
427
00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:28,240
-What?
-Have you stolen
my bag?
428
00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:29,680
-No.
-Yes, you have.
429
00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:31,160
I haven't.
430
00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:34,960
Took everything.
431
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:36,400
That's all I have.
432
00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:38,000
-You've been burgled?
-Yes.
433
00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:40,160
They must have gassed you.
434
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:41,760
That's all I can think of,
Hammond.
435
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:44,760
I know that you're saying
that to be funny.
Ha-ha!
436
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:46,720
Well, that's what you said
when you got burgled
in France.
437
00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:49,560
-Because it probably was.
-But you probably
were again last night.
438
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:51,720
-How are you feeling?
-You haven't got it?
Seriously?
439
00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:53,160
I haven't got your bag.
440
00:23:57,360 --> 00:23:58,720
James.
441
00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:00,440
-James...
-Hang on.
442
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:03,080
-Have you stolen my bag?
-You what?
443
00:24:03,120 --> 00:24:04,960
-Have you stolen my bag?
-No.
444
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:10,720
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
445
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:14,280
He's just this
lonely little figure.
446
00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:16,760
(LAUGHING)
447
00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:19,120
Shall we let him have
breakfast before we admit
that we've got his bag?
448
00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:21,360
Well...
449
00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:24,000
I don't really want to sit
eating breakfast with him
naked, that's the thing.
450
00:24:25,360 --> 00:24:28,720
Hammond, I think
we've solved your crime.
451
00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:31,240
We've solved it.
452
00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:34,480
We have found the gas
canisters, look, here.
453
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:36,160
It's a lot of gas.
454
00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:39,240
If you've had
this much gas...
455
00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:41,160
It looks like
a litre and a half of gas.
456
00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:44,240
It's interesting they've
spelt gas wrong, look.
457
00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:46,320
Well, they got
the first letter right.
458
00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:47,840
Look, here.
459
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:49,320
You're saying
I gassed myself?
460
00:24:49,360 --> 00:24:51,720
They weren't both full
when I started.
461
00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:54,240
-(JEREMY CHUCKLES)
-That's because
you'd already started them.
462
00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:56,200
(JEREMY LAUGHS)
463
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:03,400
JEREMY: Having given
Hammond his clothes back,
464
00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:06,680
we met for breakfast
at the pub.
465
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:10,280
I was kept awake for some
time last night by the man in
the neighbouring RV
466
00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:12,680
-scratching his eczema.
-Ooh.
467
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:14,520
Or might have been
sanding a table.
468
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:17,120
No, I had a couple
in the one next to me.
469
00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:20,920
-And when I say next to me,
I mean here.
-Yes.
470
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:23,160
-(QUIETLY) Why do they
do that?
-I don't know.
471
00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:25,000
Nevada's massive.
472
00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:27,160
Why would you park your...
"Right, we're going to Nevada
473
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:30,120
because it's massive and empty
and I'm going to park there,
474
00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:34,040
so that they can hear
the precise moment
when my wife and I...
475
00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:37,840
...do grown-up things."
476
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:43,120
JEREMY: We then discussed
what holiday activity we'd
do to fill the day.
477
00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:45,720
-Balloon rides.
-I hate balloons!
478
00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:48,040
-The world's largest
gift shop.
-No.
479
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:50,240
How do they know it's
the world's largest?
480
00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:53,080
-Is it a shop containing
the world's largest gift?
-No.
481
00:25:53,120 --> 00:25:55,040
-(OTHER TWO LAUGH)
-Yes.
482
00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:58,960
Is there anything
a bit more cultural,
like Indian art?
483
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:00,280
Or Native American,
as we should say.
484
00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:02,080
You just said Indian,
you racist.
485
00:26:02,120 --> 00:26:03,760
That's not actually racist.
486
00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:05,600
James, we're not going to
look at Native American art.
487
00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:06,760
-Why not?
-It's rubbish.
488
00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:08,600
How do you know it's rubbish?
489
00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:10,560
-Because I've seen it.
It's rubbish.
-You haven't seen all of it.
490
00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:13,960
Well, I've seen some.
I've seen enough of it
to know it's dreary.
491
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:16,600
-Sunrise meditation.
-JAMES: Oh, that'll be good.
492
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:18,640
It isn't good. What would
be good about that?
493
00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:21,240
I don't know because I
haven't seen it but I'm
prepared to have a look.
494
00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:24,280
Why don't we...
You know those big Baja
495
00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:27,800
off-road 28-inch suspension
travel things?
496
00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:29,800
-Dune racer type things.
-Dune racers.
497
00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:33,120
Why don't we get
three of those and belt
around in the desert?
498
00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:35,240
-Yes.
-Cos that would be bovine.
499
00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:36,480
I wouldn't learn anything
from that.
500
00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:38,240
I'd rather go and do
something cultural.
501
00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:39,880
Blasting around a dune
sounds like fun.
502
00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:41,680
Come on. I tell you what,
503
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:45,200
-you want to go and do
Native American art.
-Mm-hm.
504
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:48,080
-We want to go dune racing.
Yes?
-Right.
505
00:26:48,120 --> 00:26:50,440
Let's have a vote.
506
00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:52,520
(REVVING)
507
00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:54,480
JEREMY:
I would be driving this.
508
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:58,520
A Jakes Fabworks JF5U.
509
00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:03,320
James would be driving this.
510
00:27:03,360 --> 00:27:05,840
An Alumi Craft Class 10.
511
00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:09,800
And Hammond would have this.
512
00:27:11,120 --> 00:27:13,040
A plastic green
pick-up truck.
513
00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:21,720
OK. Now,
this is supposed to be...
514
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:24,040
Ow! ..a Volkswagen Beetle.
515
00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:26,160
Because that is
where this sport began -
516
00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:28,600
people racing Bugs
round the desert.
517
00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:34,640
But it's got a 2.4 litre
Chevrolet engine...
518
00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:39,840
and a sequential gearbox.
519
00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:43,240
The only thing it really has
in common with a Beetle
is nothing.
520
00:27:46,360 --> 00:27:48,280
Jumping!
521
00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:51,200
Ha-ha!
522
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:54,840
Over we go, 16 inches
of suspension travel
at the front.
523
00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:03,280
18 at the back means landing
is really very comfortable.
524
00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:13,440
Oh, yes!
525
00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:20,880
My 2013 Currie underneath
this plastic pick-up body
526
00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:24,280
has the same tubular space
range chassis as
the other two.
527
00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:25,920
But I've only got
a two-litre engine.
528
00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:30,560
However, it's a Ford Eco
Boost, so it's turbo-charged.
529
00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:33,800
And they've tuned it
so it's putting out
just shy...
530
00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:35,280
Landing!
531
00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:38,000
...of 300 brake horsepower.
(LAUGHS)
532
00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:42,080
And now I'm gonna fly again.
533
00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:45,560
Aagh! Ha-ha-ha!
534
00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:48,720
This is bliss.
535
00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:53,200
RICHARD: Meanwhile,
in the Alumi Craft
Class 10...
536
00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:56,120
(COUGHS)
I've got dust in my face.
537
00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:57,520
It doesn't have a windscreen.
538
00:28:57,560 --> 00:29:00,800
I don't like cars with no
windscreen. (COUGHS)
539
00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:02,760
Why do I let the others
talk me into this?
540
00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:04,680
Why don't I just tell them
to bugger off?
541
00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:10,680
RICHARD: Ahhh-ha-ha!
542
00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:12,800
Last time I did that
it ended very badly!
543
00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:18,640
The races they do in these
things are enormous.
544
00:29:18,680 --> 00:29:21,440
Hundreds, sometimes
1,000 miles or more.
545
00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:25,360
Sometimes they'll spend
nine hours a day
in the driving seat.
546
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:29,040
Oh! I so want one of these.
547
00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:33,280
Come on, let's have
some air here!
548
00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:37,160
Yeah! Ha-ha-ha!
549
00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:38,720
What a riot!
550
00:29:40,760 --> 00:29:44,840
How can James May
not enjoy this?
551
00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:47,840
JEREMY: As it happened,
he was starting to enjoy it.
552
00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:50,880
And weeeee!
553
00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:57,080
Getting sideways a bit.
554
00:29:57,120 --> 00:29:58,400
Whoa.
555
00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:03,160
Watch me fly! Here I go.
556
00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:08,680
Ha-ha!
I'm gonna do one more.
557
00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:13,120
JEREMY: After Billy Bob May
had had his fun...
558
00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:15,560
Weeeee!
559
00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:18,640
-...we all stopped
for a breather.
-Yes.
560
00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:21,720
I don't like admitting
you're right, but I can be
magnanimous. It's brilliant.
561
00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:24,120
You've wasted your life
with Chopin and plywood.
562
00:30:24,160 --> 00:30:25,880
You're a dune racer.
563
00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:28,720
You've always been
a dune racer, you just
didn't know you were.
564
00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:30,560
It was just fantastic,
and it's comfortable.
565
00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:33,240
That's the thing. It's
comfortable motorsport
because of the suspension.
566
00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:34,600
It's just... It's brilliant.
567
00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:37,200
-It's cheapskate motorsport.
-Is it?
568
00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:39,880
It's cheapskate motorsport
for people with dicky backs,
that's what it is.
569
00:30:39,920 --> 00:30:41,800
Because landing is so soft.
570
00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:44,320
-Oh, sometimes I'm thinking,
have I landed?
-Yes.
571
00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:46,760
I've got a brilliant idea.
What are you looking at?
572
00:30:49,840 --> 00:30:51,160
RICHARD: What?
573
00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:53,120
There's something glinting
up there.
574
00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:57,920
-There isn't.
-Yeah, whatever.
575
00:30:57,960 --> 00:30:59,240
It's just...
576
00:30:59,280 --> 00:31:00,640
Anyway, what's
your brilliant idea?
577
00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:02,000
-Anyway, I've got
a brilliant idea.
-What?
578
00:31:02,040 --> 00:31:03,280
Time trial, flying lap,
579
00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:05,080
one at a time
against the clock.
580
00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:07,640
I'll go first.
581
00:31:07,680 --> 00:31:09,800
You really...
You must put that right.
582
00:31:09,840 --> 00:31:11,560
-(LAUGHING)
-Where's me car?
583
00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:15,200
-He really has taken to it,
hasn't he?
-He really has.
584
00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:19,800
JEREMY: Having
jumped back in, Billy Bob
embarked on his flying lap.
585
00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:22,800
Here he comes.
586
00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:24,760
Go!
587
00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:28,960
Here we go.
588
00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:32,280
Wayyyy!
589
00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:34,880
-That's James May!
-(LAUGHS)
590
00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:36,840
It's just not right, is it?
591
00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:40,720
What's next? He's gonna
take up cage fighting?
592
00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:41,880
(LAUGHS)
593
00:31:43,640 --> 00:31:45,560
I'm flying!
594
00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:49,360
-Oh, my God!
-(LAUGHS)
595
00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:53,400
Look at this. He's actually
kicking the arse out.
596
00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:01,800
-57 seconds.
-Well, we don't know
whether that's fast or not
597
00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:03,640
but it is less than a minute.
598
00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:06,360
Is that the first time
he's done anything
in less than a minute?
599
00:32:06,400 --> 00:32:09,360
-He can't open a car door
in less than a minute.
-No. Or sign his name.
600
00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:12,720
No, that's two minutes,
definitely.
601
00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:15,960
-Biggles is back.
-I can do a slightly
better one than that.
602
00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:18,920
-Can I have another go?
-Oh, for God's sake!
603
00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:21,400
JEREMY: Next it was my turn.
604
00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:23,280
I just wanna say, Hammond.
605
00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:27,080
-What?
-You have twice as much
horsepower as me,
606
00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:30,200
and, May, you have
50 horsepower
more than I've got.
607
00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:34,280
So it's only my immense skill
that's going to put me
in contention here.
608
00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:36,080
-Is it?
-Well, what else is there?
609
00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:38,800
He won't have any excuses
ready for the end
at this rate.
610
00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:44,240
Yours weighs less.
It's 200 kilograms
lighter than this.
611
00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:49,000
BOTH: Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma.
-I'm just saying,
in case I'm not as quick.
612
00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:53,280
RICHARD: Eventually, Mr
Racing Excuses was underway.
613
00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:55,560
Here he comes,
into his flying lap.
614
00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:56,720
(REVVING)
615
00:33:00,560 --> 00:33:02,480
Right, here we go.
616
00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:06,720
(REVVING)
617
00:33:09,800 --> 00:33:11,440
-Did I make that much noise?
-Yes.
618
00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:17,320
Concentrating very hard.
619
00:33:22,240 --> 00:33:23,560
He's not very good
through there.
620
00:33:26,760 --> 00:33:28,680
Getting a bit squirrely now.
621
00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:33,480
No, he's rubbish
through there.
622
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:36,680
No! I was airborne there
623
00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:39,280
long enough for them
to serve me their snacks.
624
00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:44,920
Get it straight.
625
00:33:56,680 --> 00:33:58,480
And there we are.
626
00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:01,760
I don't know how I've done,
but it felt pretty good
to me.
627
00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:11,640
There are few things in life
I enjoy more than delivering
bad news to Jeremy Clarkson.
628
00:34:11,680 --> 00:34:13,600
It's possibly
my favourite thing.
629
00:34:15,440 --> 00:34:17,360
Forcing myself
not to do a little dance.
630
00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:20,960
How much faster was I?
631
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:24,160
Well, unless your seconds
were smaller,
632
00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:27,440
you were slower,
because you were 58.5.
633
00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:29,760
-What was he?
-57.81.
634
00:34:32,120 --> 00:34:34,040
What that means is
he beat you.
635
00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:38,480
I cannot believe that.
636
00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:41,960
Has anybody got a gun?
637
00:34:44,440 --> 00:34:48,440
JAMES: Finally, it was
the turn of Ricky Redneck.
638
00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:50,320
-Right, ready with
the stop watch.
-Here we go.
639
00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:53,760
(REVVING)
640
00:34:56,400 --> 00:34:58,320
This is how you do this.
641
00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:05,080
Oh, yeah.
642
00:35:05,120 --> 00:35:09,280
-He's in a pick-up truck,
on a loose surface.
-Yeah, he's at home.
643
00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:15,440
You know at the moment
you're winning?
644
00:35:15,480 --> 00:35:17,640
-Yeah.
-In a minute, you won't be.
645
00:35:20,560 --> 00:35:23,080
-What are you looking at?
-That glint.
646
00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:27,320
-You see it?
-No.
647
00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:30,280
Thrashing air!
648
00:35:31,640 --> 00:35:33,600
Ah-ha-ha!
649
00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:36,560
Into the left-hander.
650
00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:37,920
-Keep it tight.
-(PING)
651
00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:39,480
Oh, what was that?
652
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:41,440
What the hell was that?
653
00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:46,160
-That was...
-What's the matter with him?
654
00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:50,160
Has he bust the gear box?
655
00:35:50,160 --> 00:35:51,920
What...
Not very quick.
656
00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:53,480
What was the matter?
657
00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:55,280
That was the weirdest thing.
658
00:35:55,320 --> 00:35:57,200
-What?
-It's like a ricochet.
659
00:35:59,760 --> 00:36:03,600
JAMES: As I wasn't interested
in Hammond's excuses...
660
00:36:03,640 --> 00:36:05,960
...we got back into our RVs
and hit the road.
661
00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:13,600
Ping, it was like a rico...
like it came off something.
662
00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:15,560
I suppose it could have
been a stone.
663
00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:18,920
(THUDS)
664
00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:20,880
Hold on a minute.
665
00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:22,960
JEREMY OVER RADIO:
May, are you behind me?
666
00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:26,480
Is my RV drooping slightly?
667
00:36:26,520 --> 00:36:28,640
Well, funnily enough
I was just looking at that.
668
00:36:28,640 --> 00:36:30,760
I would say
it's very down on the left.
669
00:36:35,640 --> 00:36:37,360
That's broken, isn't it?
670
00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:38,960
Yeah, it's leaning a lot.
671
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:41,840
Mate, it really is leaning.
That's collapsed.
672
00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:43,520
That's how it's
supposed to be.
673
00:36:43,560 --> 00:36:45,640
Yeah, some distance between
the body and the ground.
674
00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:48,680
Yeah, you can see
more wheel on this side
than the other side.
675
00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:57,760
JAMES: However, as I wasn't
interested in Clarkson's
mechanical issues either,
676
00:36:57,800 --> 00:37:00,320
we got back
on the road again.
677
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:02,480
Right, so here's
the situation.
678
00:37:02,520 --> 00:37:06,880
I'm driving my RV
with an overheating,
over-revving engine,
679
00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:09,840
and collapsed suspension,
on an interstate.
680
00:37:11,400 --> 00:37:13,320
Feels safe, that.
681
00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:21,520
JAMES: Soon it was time
to find a campsite,
682
00:37:21,560 --> 00:37:26,080
and since we didn't
fancy another night
in a horrible RV park,
683
00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:28,760
and we had
all the comforts we needed,
684
00:37:28,800 --> 00:37:32,040
we decided to freestyle it
in the wilderness.
685
00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:35,960
I think it's
an excellent idea.
686
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:39,640
I mean, dune buggy racing is
fantastic, and I won,
687
00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:42,000
but it is quite hot
and sweaty and dusty
688
00:37:42,040 --> 00:37:47,000
and we can balance
that with peace and quiet
and a starry sky.
689
00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:48,960
I mean, that's gonna be
fantastic out here.
690
00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:52,680
I might write a few lines
of verse.
691
00:37:55,680 --> 00:38:00,160
So, we turned off
the interstate to find
a nice spot to park up.
692
00:38:02,080 --> 00:38:06,680
Oh, yeah, now we are getting
into the great outdoors.
693
00:38:09,640 --> 00:38:12,000
JEREMY OVER RADIO:
James, how's my jet ski?
694
00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:15,640
JAMES OVER RADIO:
Yep, you're fine.
695
00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:20,040
JAMES: Eventually
we found the perfect spot
at the side of a lake.
696
00:38:21,280 --> 00:38:23,680
-However...
-I can't stop.
697
00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:25,640
I've lost braking!
I've lost braking!
698
00:38:25,680 --> 00:38:27,640
I have no control!
(BEEP)
699
00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:34,960
JEREMY: Using nothing
but blind panic...
700
00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:37,360
(BEEP) Stop, stop!
701
00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:39,520
Stop!
702
00:38:39,560 --> 00:38:43,120
...I eventually brought
my stupid RV to heel.
703
00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:47,680
Oh, for Christ's sake.
704
00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:51,960
Right.
705
00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:55,760
With no help from the crew,
I removed the jet ski...
706
00:38:57,120 --> 00:38:59,560
Excellent.
707
00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:03,480
...and then tried to move
the RV onto level ground.
708
00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:07,640
-(ENGINE STRUGGLES TO START)
-Come on. Fire, baby.
709
00:39:07,680 --> 00:39:09,440
Come on, you know
you wanna be an engine.
710
00:39:15,040 --> 00:39:18,400
RICHARD: Hah!
His jet ski's fallen off.
711
00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:21,960
OK, bit of jiggery pokery,
we'll get round there. Ohhh.
712
00:39:24,560 --> 00:39:26,800
-(BEEP)
-Jeremy. Stop!
713
00:39:26,840 --> 00:39:28,480
(CRASH!)
714
00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:30,440
(DASHBOARD ALARM)
715
00:39:32,280 --> 00:39:33,520
-Has...
-(POPPING)
716
00:39:33,560 --> 00:39:34,680
Jesus!
717
00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:38,800
Give me strength.
718
00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:42,200
Oh, what's happened to my...
I'm really sorry. (LAUGHS)
719
00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:44,000
Oh, shit,
have I hit your axle?
720
00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:46,200
-I mean your prop shaft?
-Er...yeah.
721
00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:48,440
-And I...
-And that's a wrap.
722
00:39:48,480 --> 00:39:50,920
With that, back to the tent.
723
00:39:50,960 --> 00:39:53,480
They are actually tied
in a knot.
724
00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:55,440
(LAUGHS)
725
00:39:57,800 --> 00:40:00,120
JAMES: Once the ape
had untangled himself,
726
00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:02,160
and we were all parked,
727
00:40:02,200 --> 00:40:06,880
I settled down
to write some poetry
in the evening stillness.
728
00:40:10,760 --> 00:40:12,480
(FLY BUZZING)
729
00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:18,800
(MOTORBIKE REVVING)
730
00:40:21,960 --> 00:40:23,880
(MOTORBIKE MOVING AWAY)
731
00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:34,360
(MOTORBIKE REVVING)
732
00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:45,040
Hello, mate. Ooh-hoo!
733
00:40:45,080 --> 00:40:47,200
Bartender, can I have a beer?
734
00:40:47,280 --> 00:40:49,400
I can't hear you over
that appalling racket.
735
00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:53,120
-What?
-I can't hear you
over that appalling racket.
736
00:40:53,160 --> 00:40:56,160
-Can I have a beer?
-I can't hear you over
that racket. No, you can't.
737
00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:57,560
-Oh, come on.
-It's run out.
738
00:40:57,600 --> 00:40:59,000
It's hasn't run out.
It's a pub!
739
00:40:59,040 --> 00:41:00,520
It's run out of beer for you.
740
00:41:00,560 --> 00:41:03,640
I'm a tired
and thirsty traveller
from out in the desert.
741
00:41:03,640 --> 00:41:06,160
If you put the appalling
two-stroke motorcycle away,
742
00:41:06,160 --> 00:41:08,000
and come in the pub,
you can have a beer.
743
00:41:08,040 --> 00:41:10,680
-Otherwise you can go--
-Oh, look at that!
-Oh no.
744
00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:12,760
JEREMY: Power! Come on!
745
00:41:14,160 --> 00:41:15,840
May!
746
00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:17,640
Yee-ha!
747
00:41:22,040 --> 00:41:24,920
Oh, ha! May!
748
00:41:24,960 --> 00:41:27,160
Hey, hey! Well,
I'm not not missing out.
749
00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:28,880
(ENGINE REVS)
750
00:41:33,600 --> 00:41:35,760
(ENGINES REVVING AND BUZZING)
751
00:41:38,520 --> 00:41:41,640
Jet ski, jet ski,
sounding shite,
752
00:41:41,680 --> 00:41:44,320
on Lake Vegas,
left and right.
753
00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:47,400
Rotax engine, rin bin bin.
754
00:41:47,440 --> 00:41:51,320
I hope the owner's arse
caves in.
755
00:41:51,360 --> 00:41:54,160
(ENGINES REVVING AND BUZZING)
756
00:41:54,160 --> 00:41:56,320
JEREMY: Oh, ha-ha!
757
00:41:56,360 --> 00:41:59,360
JEREMY: As darkness fell,
we put the toys away
758
00:41:59,400 --> 00:42:02,160
and James turned in
for a good night's sleep.
759
00:42:02,160 --> 00:42:03,800
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
760
00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:05,880
(SNORING)
761
00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:11,960
Sadly for him, though,
762
00:42:12,000 --> 00:42:16,080
Hammond and I had decided
to do a bit of stargazing.
763
00:42:16,120 --> 00:42:18,040
(METALLIC CLICKING)
764
00:42:23,080 --> 00:42:25,000
(CLICKING CONTINUES)
765
00:42:27,400 --> 00:42:29,360
Hammond, what are you doing?
766
00:42:29,400 --> 00:42:31,120
Setting my lights up.
767
00:42:31,160 --> 00:42:32,960
What for?
768
00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:35,440
Well, you've seen
Close Encounters.
769
00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:38,280
-Yes.
-Well, I've got
the full setup here, mate.
770
00:42:38,320 --> 00:42:39,480
(CLUNK)
771
00:42:39,520 --> 00:42:41,520
This desert that we're in
772
00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:44,200
lies between Area 51
and Roswell.
773
00:42:44,280 --> 00:42:49,040
One of the primary
and main alien hotspots
on this whole planet, mate.
774
00:42:49,080 --> 00:42:51,000
(GENERATOR MOTOR ROARS)
775
00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:54,440
Oh, shut up.
776
00:42:54,480 --> 00:42:56,040
JEREMY: What's that for?
777
00:42:56,080 --> 00:42:58,920
To power the lights.
And the keyboard.
778
00:42:58,960 --> 00:43:00,960
-What? A keyboard?
-You've seen the film.
779
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:03,760
I am not gonna miss an
opportunity to do this here.
780
00:43:03,800 --> 00:43:06,200
Do you actually
believe in this stuff?
781
00:43:06,280 --> 00:43:09,360
Yes, there's enough
evidence, enough people
who've seen them.
782
00:43:09,400 --> 00:43:11,680
The American Government,
came out and said
783
00:43:11,760 --> 00:43:14,440
Area 51 was real.
It's a thing.
784
00:43:14,480 --> 00:43:18,000
It's a thing cos it's... It's
an aviation testing place.
785
00:43:18,040 --> 00:43:19,760
It's Edwards Air Force base.
786
00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:23,000
Yeah, they say that.
They'll never tell you
exactly what it is. 62%.
787
00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:25,320
Roswell was
a nuclear experiment,
788
00:43:25,360 --> 00:43:26,960
I think, called Mogul.
789
00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:31,160
62% of Americans believe in
intelligent alien life. 62%.
790
00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:32,880
80% of Americans
don't have passports.
791
00:43:32,920 --> 00:43:34,640
-Hammond.
-What?
792
00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:37,840
You're an alien,
you've come a very great
distance to earth.
793
00:43:37,880 --> 00:43:41,480
-Yes.
-Why do they always land
in Southwest America?
794
00:43:41,520 --> 00:43:43,040
It's big and open and quiet.
795
00:43:43,080 --> 00:43:45,600
Why do they want to land
on a planet where it's quiet?
796
00:43:45,640 --> 00:43:48,160
To have a mooch about
in secret, not be
interfered with.
797
00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:50,880
Why don't they talk to us?
Why don't they land
in London?
798
00:43:50,920 --> 00:43:52,240
They might wanna talk to us.
799
00:43:52,280 --> 00:43:53,720
They could land in Hyde Park.
800
00:43:53,760 --> 00:43:55,800
Listen, I can talk to them.
801
00:43:55,840 --> 00:43:58,440
(RANDOM SYNTHESISED NOTES)
802
00:43:58,480 --> 00:44:01,160
(FAILS TO PLAY
CLOSE ENCOUNTERS TUNE)
803
00:44:01,200 --> 00:44:03,040
Oh, sorry. Wait a minute.
804
00:44:03,080 --> 00:44:04,560
(PLAYS KEYBOARD AGAIN)
805
00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:06,440
(FAILS TO PLAY
CLOSE ENCOUNTERS TUNE)
806
00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:07,960
Oh, no.
807
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:10,200
(RICHARD KEEPS PLAYING
WRONG NOTES)
808
00:44:10,240 --> 00:44:13,480
-Wait a minute.
-Oh, for God's sake,
get it right.
809
00:44:13,520 --> 00:44:16,000
-(PLAYS WRONG NOTES)
-Oh. No, wait.
810
00:44:16,040 --> 00:44:18,320
(RICHARD KEEPS PLAYING
WRONG NOTES)
811
00:44:19,560 --> 00:44:21,120
No.
812
00:44:21,160 --> 00:44:23,840
(RICHARD KEEPS PLAYING
WRONG NOTES)
813
00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:25,800
-No.
-(PLAYS AGAIN)
814
00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:27,080
-Hammond.
-What?
815
00:44:27,120 --> 00:44:29,640
-You see that guy?
-Where?
816
00:44:31,560 --> 00:44:32,800
JEREMY: He's gone.
817
00:44:32,840 --> 00:44:35,200
It's pitch...
There's nobody out there.
818
00:44:35,240 --> 00:44:36,720
It's just a desert.
819
00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:38,440
That's why the aliens
come here.
820
00:44:38,480 --> 00:44:41,280
(RICHARD KEEPS PLAYING
WRONG NOTES)
821
00:44:41,320 --> 00:44:42,840
Weird.
822
00:44:42,880 --> 00:44:45,320
(RICHARD KEEPS PLAYING
WRONG NOTES)
823
00:44:45,360 --> 00:44:48,040
-No.
-(JAMES GROANS)
824
00:44:48,080 --> 00:44:50,320
For God's sake, shut up!
825
00:44:50,360 --> 00:44:52,200
-(RICHARD PLAYS WRONG NOTES)
-No.
826
00:44:56,320 --> 00:44:58,680
(BIRDS AND INSECTS SINGING)
827
00:44:58,720 --> 00:45:03,600
RICHARD: The next morning,
the vista from my RV
was terrible.
828
00:45:07,400 --> 00:45:09,280
-Are you?
-Am I what?
829
00:45:09,320 --> 00:45:10,400
Having a dump?
830
00:45:10,440 --> 00:45:13,480
-Yes.
-Oh, for...
831
00:45:13,520 --> 00:45:17,120
The whole point of
sitting here is to enjoy
this magnificent view.
832
00:45:17,160 --> 00:45:20,000
I was here first.
You're spoiling my view.
833
00:45:20,040 --> 00:45:22,280
-I'm spoiling your view?
-Yes.
834
00:45:22,320 --> 00:45:25,240
I'm not crapping in it.
835
00:45:25,280 --> 00:45:28,160
RICHARD: We then headed over
to the pub for breakfast.
836
00:45:28,200 --> 00:45:29,280
However...
837
00:45:35,320 --> 00:45:36,960
Why haven't you
made us breakfast?
838
00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:40,560
Because breakfast is reserved
exclusively for my friends,
839
00:45:40,600 --> 00:45:42,320
and none of them are here.
840
00:45:44,960 --> 00:45:47,240
Have you seriously
not made us anything?
841
00:45:47,280 --> 00:45:50,120
Yes, seriously,
I have not made you anything.
842
00:45:50,160 --> 00:45:51,680
I'm hungry.
843
00:45:51,720 --> 00:45:53,120
Well let's not
get bogged down
844
00:45:53,160 --> 00:45:55,480
with his
unbelievable selfishness.
845
00:45:55,520 --> 00:45:56,920
It really is, though.
846
00:45:56,960 --> 00:45:59,640
Let's work out
what we're going to do today.
847
00:45:59,680 --> 00:46:01,280
Dune buggy racing.
848
00:46:01,320 --> 00:46:04,520
RICHARD:
You've already done that.
-We've all done that.
849
00:46:04,560 --> 00:46:07,680
I thought we could
go to a race track.
850
00:46:07,720 --> 00:46:09,760
-No, not a race track.
-Why not a race track?
851
00:46:09,800 --> 00:46:12,040
-I don't like race tracks.
-You like dune buggies.
852
00:46:12,080 --> 00:46:14,680
That's dune buggies. Normal
race tracks are just boring.
853
00:46:14,720 --> 00:46:17,400
-Oh, come on,
it'll be great fun.
-OK, we'll settle it.
854
00:46:17,440 --> 00:46:18,840
Let's have a vote.
855
00:46:21,120 --> 00:46:23,440
JEREMY:
This was the track we chose.
856
00:46:23,480 --> 00:46:26,080
The Spring Mountain
race complex.
857
00:46:27,320 --> 00:46:29,280
And the cars?
858
00:46:31,680 --> 00:46:33,880
Well, I went for the latest,
859
00:46:33,920 --> 00:46:36,480
and last ever,
front-engined Corvette.
860
00:46:39,240 --> 00:46:43,200
Hammond went for the Jeep
Grand Cherokee Terrahawk.
861
00:46:46,240 --> 00:46:49,320
And May, still craving
a bit of peace and quiet,
862
00:46:49,360 --> 00:46:52,120
went for the Cadillac CTS-V.
863
00:46:54,360 --> 00:46:56,400
And this was all tremendous.
864
00:46:56,440 --> 00:46:58,480
But before we
got down to business,
865
00:46:58,520 --> 00:47:00,800
I made a terrible mistake,
866
00:47:00,840 --> 00:47:04,200
and asked my colleagues
a technical question.
867
00:47:06,440 --> 00:47:09,640
All three of these cars have
6.2 litre supercharged V8s.
868
00:47:09,680 --> 00:47:11,280
-Yes? Yes.
-Yes, they do, yes.
869
00:47:11,320 --> 00:47:12,960
What I want to know is,
right,
870
00:47:13,000 --> 00:47:15,320
-they're all
pushrod engines.
-Mm-hm.
871
00:47:15,360 --> 00:47:17,720
Now, whenever I'm presented
with a pushrod engine,
872
00:47:17,760 --> 00:47:20,840
I know I have to go,
"(MUTTERS) ..pushrod?"
873
00:47:22,040 --> 00:47:23,840
But I don't know why.
874
00:47:23,880 --> 00:47:26,440
What is a pushrod engine?
875
00:47:26,480 --> 00:47:29,200
It's an engine where pushrods
activate the valve train.
876
00:47:29,240 --> 00:47:30,840
The valves on top
of the cylinders
877
00:47:30,880 --> 00:47:33,080
have to open and close
to let the mixture get out.
878
00:47:33,120 --> 00:47:36,520
Rather than having camshafts
over the top doing that,
opening them,
879
00:47:36,560 --> 00:47:38,680
they have a single camshaft
at the bottom
880
00:47:38,720 --> 00:47:41,360
that operates rods
that push the valves.
881
00:47:41,400 --> 00:47:44,160
American cars
have pushrod engines
and can't rev quickly.
882
00:47:44,200 --> 00:47:47,120
They have bigger capacities
with long stroke, which makes
the engine bigger.
883
00:47:47,160 --> 00:47:51,040
The problem is,
for an equal capacity engine,
with overhead cams,
884
00:47:51,080 --> 00:47:54,240
the engine would be bigger
but you wouldn't need
the extra capacity
885
00:47:54,280 --> 00:47:57,560
because it would rev higher
and deliver more power
at a higher RPM.
886
00:47:57,600 --> 00:48:00,560
But, on the other hand,
if you had a high-revving
sports car engine,
887
00:48:00,600 --> 00:48:03,560
such as an Italian one,
you would have a very
over square piston dimension,
888
00:48:03,600 --> 00:48:05,480
which would make
the engine squatter,
889
00:48:05,520 --> 00:48:07,760
and a dry sump,
which would allow you
to mount it lower...
890
00:48:09,200 --> 00:48:10,920
After a couple of hours,
891
00:48:10,960 --> 00:48:13,960
I invited Hammond
to stop talking
892
00:48:14,000 --> 00:48:18,960
and try out what is
America's answer
to the Lamborghini Urus...
893
00:48:19,000 --> 00:48:20,640
the Terrahawk.
894
00:48:20,680 --> 00:48:21,480
(ENGINE ROARING)
895
00:48:21,520 --> 00:48:23,320
(TYRES SCREECHING)
896
00:48:23,360 --> 00:48:28,520
Pulling this 700-horsepower,
6.2-litre supercharged V8
897
00:48:28,560 --> 00:48:31,080
out of a Dodge
Challenger Hellcat
898
00:48:31,120 --> 00:48:33,080
into a Jeep off-roader,
899
00:48:33,120 --> 00:48:34,960
might sound like
it makes as much sense
900
00:48:35,000 --> 00:48:37,160
as fitting me
with Usain Bolt's legs.
901
00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:41,000
I mean, the power's there
but nothing else about
the machine can handle it.
902
00:48:42,480 --> 00:48:44,760
But it's more than
just a cartoon.
903
00:48:44,800 --> 00:48:47,120
They've really thought
about this thing.
904
00:48:47,160 --> 00:48:49,800
They've upgraded every
component in the drivetrain
905
00:48:49,840 --> 00:48:51,920
between the engine
and the wheel.
906
00:48:53,880 --> 00:48:56,560
Sometimes the metals
they were using
in the car industry
907
00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:59,240
weren't strong enough
to take the forces involved,
908
00:48:59,280 --> 00:49:01,640
so they went to
the aeronautical industry.
909
00:49:02,960 --> 00:49:05,480
0-60, less than 3.5 seconds.
910
00:49:06,920 --> 00:49:09,160
(ENGINE ROARING)
911
00:49:09,200 --> 00:49:12,040
Top speed, 180 miles an hour.
912
00:49:15,400 --> 00:49:17,560
It's... (LAUGHS)
913
00:49:17,600 --> 00:49:20,120
This is a 2.5-ton
off-roader!
914
00:49:22,880 --> 00:49:25,040
And because
it's four-wheel-drive,
915
00:49:25,080 --> 00:49:27,360
it can apply
those 700 horsepower
916
00:49:27,400 --> 00:49:29,560
much, much more effectively
917
00:49:29,600 --> 00:49:32,000
than the two-wheel-drive
Challenger and Demon cars.
918
00:49:37,720 --> 00:49:39,800
(HE CHUCKLES)
919
00:49:39,840 --> 00:49:41,880
The world, in no way,
needs this.
920
00:49:41,920 --> 00:49:44,120
But that's kind of why
the world needs it.
921
00:49:48,680 --> 00:49:50,960
(ENGINE GROWLING)
922
00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:54,360
I've chosen this Cadillac
because it's comfortable.
923
00:49:57,960 --> 00:50:01,640
I mean,
it will do 200 miles an hour
and it has 640 horsepower,
924
00:50:01,680 --> 00:50:05,600
but mainly it's comfortable.
925
00:50:05,640 --> 00:50:07,600
Oh, there's a dip
in the road.
926
00:50:07,640 --> 00:50:10,120
But the Cadillac
just soaks it up.
927
00:50:10,160 --> 00:50:11,920
Mmm.
928
00:50:15,040 --> 00:50:18,200
JEREMY:
Things were rather different,
however, in my car.
929
00:50:19,280 --> 00:50:22,360
The swan song Corvette.
930
00:50:22,400 --> 00:50:24,560
(TYRES SQUEALING)
931
00:50:24,600 --> 00:50:26,000
Bloody hellfire!
932
00:50:28,320 --> 00:50:33,200
It's called the ZR1 and it's
the loudest, fastest,
933
00:50:33,240 --> 00:50:36,320
most powerful Corvette ever.
934
00:50:36,360 --> 00:50:37,880
(ENGINE ROARING)
935
00:50:39,200 --> 00:50:40,800
Ah.
936
00:50:42,040 --> 00:50:43,480
Oh, ho-ho-ho!
937
00:50:47,440 --> 00:50:50,400
You get 755 horsepower.
938
00:50:51,680 --> 00:50:54,560
715 torques.
939
00:50:54,600 --> 00:50:58,160
Does 0-60 in 2.8 seconds.
940
00:51:00,480 --> 00:51:05,960
Now, that's all down to
what GM calls the BAS.
941
00:51:06,000 --> 00:51:07,880
The Big Ass Supercharger.
942
00:51:10,960 --> 00:51:14,600
It takes 110 horsepower
just to run it,
943
00:51:14,640 --> 00:51:17,520
but you get
290 horsepower back,
944
00:51:17,560 --> 00:51:21,280
so it's a good deal.
945
00:51:21,320 --> 00:51:26,440
This engine runs on a type
of fuel you can't even buy
in California any more,
946
00:51:26,480 --> 00:51:30,600
and needs 13 radiators
to keep it cool,
947
00:51:30,640 --> 00:51:32,640
especially here.
948
00:51:32,680 --> 00:51:35,440
Where are we? What,
ten miles from Death Valley?
949
00:51:37,960 --> 00:51:40,880
It is, I'm afraid, though...
950
00:51:40,920 --> 00:51:43,480
-Ooh, shit!
-(TYRES SQUEALING)
951
00:51:43,520 --> 00:51:47,080
...a tricky little bastard.
952
00:51:47,120 --> 00:51:53,320
It's got a huge amount of
mechanical and invisible
aerodynamic grip,
953
00:51:53,360 --> 00:51:55,800
which is fine if you want
to set a lap record.
954
00:51:57,880 --> 00:52:01,280
The trouble is,
if you go beyond the limit,
955
00:52:01,320 --> 00:52:03,960
it becomes almost
unbelievably difficult...
956
00:52:04,000 --> 00:52:05,800
(TYRES SCREECHING)
957
00:52:05,840 --> 00:52:07,840
...to control.
958
00:52:07,880 --> 00:52:09,600
Look at it.
959
00:52:12,120 --> 00:52:15,640
Last year,
an executive vice president
960
00:52:15,680 --> 00:52:18,040
of something or other
at General Motors...
961
00:52:18,080 --> 00:52:21,480
I won't say his name,
just that it begins with M
962
00:52:21,520 --> 00:52:23,800
and ends in ark Reuss...
963
00:52:23,840 --> 00:52:25,320
he was driving one of these
964
00:52:25,360 --> 00:52:28,920
as the pace car
at the Indy race in Detroit,
965
00:52:28,960 --> 00:52:30,480
and he got to
the second corner
966
00:52:30,520 --> 00:52:33,880
before he lost control
and put it in a wall.
967
00:52:33,920 --> 00:52:37,000
(TYRES SCREECHING)
968
00:52:37,040 --> 00:52:40,360
Everybody laughed at him
and everybody's looked at
his crash on YouTube,
969
00:52:40,400 --> 00:52:43,480
but the fact is,
I feel your pain, Mark.
970
00:52:44,960 --> 00:52:47,120
-(TYRES SQUEALING)
-Jesus.
971
00:52:48,600 --> 00:52:50,800
Oooh.
972
00:52:50,840 --> 00:52:53,320
JEREMY: Rather worryingly,
Hammond then announced
973
00:52:53,360 --> 00:52:55,560
that we should have
a drifting competition.
974
00:52:59,240 --> 00:53:02,120
OK, this is gonna be
something else, isn't it?
975
00:53:02,160 --> 00:53:05,640
But, because he's a moron,
he hadn't factored in
976
00:53:05,680 --> 00:53:09,160
that he was driving
a boxy and wobbly 4X4.
977
00:53:12,040 --> 00:53:15,000
And a little touch
on the brake, throw it in,
978
00:53:15,040 --> 00:53:18,400
instigating an absolutely
beautiful drift.
979
00:53:22,240 --> 00:53:24,160
-Oh, I don't know.
-Look.
980
00:53:24,200 --> 00:53:25,600
What's he trying to do?
981
00:53:28,800 --> 00:53:30,800
That was a bit violent.
982
00:53:30,840 --> 00:53:32,320
(JEREMY CHUCKLING)
983
00:53:35,720 --> 00:53:38,680
It lacks the predictability
984
00:53:38,720 --> 00:53:41,840
of a lower,
rear-wheel drive car.
985
00:53:41,880 --> 00:53:45,120
I'm not blaming the car,
because the car's
wonderful.
986
00:53:45,160 --> 00:53:48,720
But it's the car.
987
00:53:48,760 --> 00:53:51,480
JEREMY: With Hammond
having scored nought,
988
00:53:51,520 --> 00:53:54,760
it was my turn,
in the mental mobile.
989
00:53:54,800 --> 00:53:56,080
(ENGINE GROWLING)
990
00:53:56,120 --> 00:53:58,920
And then flick it round.
991
00:53:58,960 --> 00:54:01,720
(TYRES SQUEALING)
992
00:54:01,760 --> 00:54:04,240
No drifting at all.
That's just driving around.
993
00:54:04,280 --> 00:54:06,680
Right, now come on,
Jeremy, turn it in.
994
00:54:11,280 --> 00:54:13,800
Oh, hello! Oh, no!
995
00:54:13,840 --> 00:54:16,120
RICHARD: That's spinning.
996
00:54:16,160 --> 00:54:18,200
So he needs to find
a sort of happy medium
997
00:54:18,240 --> 00:54:20,280
between spinning
and simply driving along.
998
00:54:20,320 --> 00:54:23,520
-That's pretty much
what drifting is, isn't it?
-Yeah.
999
00:54:23,560 --> 00:54:25,840
Would you like to get
a cup of coffee or something?
1000
00:54:25,880 --> 00:54:28,280
I'm sure I'll get it
worked out in a minute.
1001
00:54:28,320 --> 00:54:30,360
This is the problem.
He doesn't bore easily.
1002
00:54:30,400 --> 00:54:32,400
Right, now come on, Jeremy,
come on!
1003
00:54:34,760 --> 00:54:36,600
I kept trying.
1004
00:54:38,920 --> 00:54:40,200
No.
1005
00:54:40,240 --> 00:54:41,720
No, I'm gonna go back. I'm...
1006
00:54:45,480 --> 00:54:47,280
What is he doing?
1007
00:54:48,520 --> 00:54:50,240
Oh, (BLEEP) hell!
1008
00:54:51,920 --> 00:54:53,760
Oh, yes, that's not
gone brilliantly.
1009
00:54:56,480 --> 00:54:59,840
JAMES: How do you score this,
apart from not very highly?
1010
00:55:02,400 --> 00:55:03,720
No, I've gone again.
1011
00:55:05,480 --> 00:55:07,360
Until eventually...
1012
00:55:07,400 --> 00:55:09,920
Fire. Fire.
1013
00:55:09,960 --> 00:55:11,200
Small fire.
1014
00:55:11,240 --> 00:55:13,560
(RICHARD LAUGHS)
1015
00:55:15,480 --> 00:55:18,680
That clutch?
I think it's clutch.
1016
00:55:18,720 --> 00:55:20,760
Nothing... Nothing to see.
1017
00:55:22,680 --> 00:55:24,920
After my car was put out,
1018
00:55:24,960 --> 00:55:27,480
it was the turn
of William Wordsworth.
1019
00:55:27,520 --> 00:55:29,720
What we've got here
is a drifting competition
1020
00:55:29,760 --> 00:55:31,760
featuring two cars
that can't drift
1021
00:55:31,800 --> 00:55:33,280
and a third which can,
1022
00:55:33,320 --> 00:55:36,120
but which is being driven
by a man who can't.
1023
00:55:36,160 --> 00:55:39,120
The only good thing is
he'll do it once, very badly,
1024
00:55:39,160 --> 00:55:40,960
there'll be a chirp of tyres,
1025
00:55:41,000 --> 00:55:42,480
he'll think that was a drift
1026
00:55:42,520 --> 00:55:44,280
and then we can
move on.
1027
00:55:44,320 --> 00:55:45,800
Did you see me drift?
1028
00:55:45,840 --> 00:55:48,440
(ENGINE GROWLING)
1029
00:55:48,480 --> 00:55:50,400
(TYRES SQUEALING)
1030
00:55:53,800 --> 00:55:57,040
-Un-James May start there.
-Very exuberant start.
1031
00:56:02,520 --> 00:56:04,680
Hang on a minute!
1032
00:56:15,120 --> 00:56:17,120
-Impossible.
-Unexpected.
1033
00:56:17,160 --> 00:56:18,600
-Impossible.
-Unlikely.
1034
00:56:18,640 --> 00:56:22,840
Impossible.
Hold on, where's he going?
1035
00:56:22,880 --> 00:56:26,000
That's the pit lane.
He's going the wrong way
down the pit lane.
1036
00:56:26,040 --> 00:56:28,360
Is that...
Is that James down there...
1037
00:56:28,400 --> 00:56:30,120
-What's he...
-(HORN HONKING)
1038
00:56:30,160 --> 00:56:33,200
RICHARD: He's left the track.
-Hello!
1039
00:56:33,240 --> 00:56:36,560
The only tall building for
miles around and he's...
1040
00:56:36,600 --> 00:56:38,600
-That's not even...
-Where's he going?
1041
00:56:38,640 --> 00:56:41,000
I don't know.
1042
00:56:41,040 --> 00:56:43,640
-Why are you not in that?
-I cheated.
1043
00:56:43,680 --> 00:56:45,480
-How did you cheat?
-I was at the pits
1044
00:56:45,520 --> 00:56:48,280
and I met a bloke
hanging around,
who said he was a drifter,
1045
00:56:48,320 --> 00:56:49,840
so I sent him out in the car.
1046
00:56:52,400 --> 00:56:54,160
You do know "drifter",
in America,
1047
00:56:54,200 --> 00:56:57,640
means something
entirely different to the UK?
1048
00:56:57,680 --> 00:56:59,200
You've just given
your car away.
1049
00:56:59,240 --> 00:57:00,640
-To a tramp.
-Yeah.
1050
00:57:02,360 --> 00:57:05,560
JEREMY: There he goes.
RICHARD: What good work.
1051
00:57:05,600 --> 00:57:09,240
Well thought out.
1052
00:57:09,280 --> 00:57:12,400
JEREMY: Leaving May to deal
with the insurance issues,
1053
00:57:12,440 --> 00:57:15,760
Hammond and I
headed back to the campsite,
1054
00:57:15,800 --> 00:57:18,400
which meant passing
through a local town.
1055
00:57:19,680 --> 00:57:21,080
(BIG BAND SWING MUSIC)
1056
00:57:30,120 --> 00:57:33,120
JEREMY: I'll tell you what,
Hammond, do you fancy a beer?
1057
00:57:33,160 --> 00:57:35,600
Yeah,
they'll have a bar here.
1058
00:57:35,640 --> 00:57:37,720
Yeah, they must do.
1059
00:57:37,760 --> 00:57:40,160
RICHARD: Just the one,
though, eh? Let's not go mad.
1060
00:57:47,080 --> 00:57:49,000
(INSECTS SINGING)
1061
00:57:50,520 --> 00:57:52,000
(SNORING)
1062
00:57:53,920 --> 00:57:55,840
(TECHNO MUSIC STARTS BLARING)
1063
00:57:58,120 --> 00:58:00,120
(DANCE BEAT POUNDING)
1064
00:58:00,160 --> 00:58:02,080
(WHOOPING AND CHEERING)
1065
00:58:04,200 --> 00:58:06,160
(MUSIC BLARING)
1066
00:58:06,200 --> 00:58:09,200
(WHOOPING AND CHEERING)
1067
00:58:13,480 --> 00:58:16,440
I am a golden god!
1068
00:58:17,600 --> 00:58:19,840
Turn that (BLEEP) music off!
1069
00:58:24,680 --> 00:58:27,000
I'm gonna go left!
I'm gonna go right!
1070
00:58:27,040 --> 00:58:28,840
(WHOOPING AND CHEERING)
1071
00:58:31,080 --> 00:58:33,400
(JEREMY CHUCKLES)
1072
00:58:35,080 --> 00:58:37,000
(BIRDSONG)
1073
00:58:46,720 --> 00:58:47,880
(FLY BUZZING)
1074
00:58:51,160 --> 00:58:53,560
Have you made breakfast
for yourself again?
1075
00:58:53,600 --> 00:58:58,160
Yes, I have. And I've decided
what we're doing today.
1076
00:58:58,200 --> 00:58:59,880
-What?
-We're going to Red Lake.
1077
00:58:59,920 --> 00:59:01,840
Oh, good, I can get
my jet ski out.
1078
00:59:01,880 --> 00:59:05,040
No, you can't. It's
a dried-up lake. Beautiful.
1079
00:59:07,160 --> 00:59:09,760
-Is it off-road to get there?
-All the way.
1080
00:59:09,800 --> 00:59:11,600
That means
I can drive from the roof.
1081
00:59:11,640 --> 00:59:15,080
But I have got to go
and attach all the...
1082
00:59:15,120 --> 00:59:17,400
um...you know,
the stuff upstairs.
1083
00:59:17,440 --> 00:59:19,440
Right.
While you do that,
1084
00:59:19,480 --> 00:59:22,680
Adam Ant can clean himself up
and I'll enjoy my breakfast.
1085
00:59:22,720 --> 00:59:26,240
Then...that goes up there.
1086
00:59:26,280 --> 00:59:28,720
And that slots into there.
1087
00:59:30,280 --> 00:59:33,080
Brake linkages.
1088
00:59:33,120 --> 00:59:35,560
Goes in there. Yeah.
1089
00:59:35,600 --> 00:59:38,600
Bit Heath Robinson,
but it'll work.
1090
00:59:38,640 --> 00:59:41,680
Oh, mate, you missed
a hell of a party.
1091
00:59:41,720 --> 00:59:43,440
I was aware of it.
1092
00:59:43,480 --> 00:59:46,280
Why didn't you
come to the party?
You would have loved it.
1093
00:59:46,320 --> 00:59:48,560
You like dancing.
There was definitely dancing.
1094
00:59:48,600 --> 00:59:50,360
I think there was
a live band.
1095
00:59:50,400 --> 00:59:51,880
I was already in bed.
1096
00:59:51,920 --> 00:59:54,800
Good. So, starting engine.
1097
00:59:54,840 --> 00:59:57,280
(ENGINE RUMBLES TO LIFE)
1098
00:59:57,320 --> 01:00:00,040
Engaging drive. Here we go.
1099
01:00:00,080 --> 01:00:03,560
There must have been
30 or 40 people in the room
when the police arrived.
1100
01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:05,680
-(CRASHING)
-Ohh!
1101
01:00:10,200 --> 01:00:12,000
Clarkson!
1102
01:00:19,520 --> 01:00:22,960
Oh, mate,
it landed jam-side down.
1103
01:00:27,480 --> 01:00:30,760
JEREMY: Once the flotsam and
jetsam had been cleared away,
1104
01:00:32,760 --> 01:00:34,840
we set off for Red Lake.
1105
01:00:36,920 --> 01:00:40,280
Hammond and May decided
to go as the crow flies.
1106
01:00:43,920 --> 01:00:46,360
Whereas I took
the longer route...
1107
01:00:46,400 --> 01:00:47,800
(RATTLING)
1108
01:00:47,840 --> 01:00:49,760
...on a gentle track.
1109
01:00:51,000 --> 01:00:53,000
Oh, this is just heaven.
1110
01:00:54,720 --> 01:00:57,000
A lavatory
with a flying bridge.
1111
01:00:58,480 --> 01:01:01,280
I mean, what I've done here
is I have turned
1112
01:01:01,320 --> 01:01:04,640
one of the most dreary
driving experiences
in the world
1113
01:01:04,680 --> 01:01:06,600
into one of the best.
1114
01:01:08,560 --> 01:01:11,400
I honestly believe that
sometimes my genius...
1115
01:01:12,720 --> 01:01:14,680
...it generates gravity.
1116
01:01:17,360 --> 01:01:20,440
JAMES: Meanwhile,
on the rougher route...
1117
01:01:20,480 --> 01:01:22,640
Oh...
1118
01:01:22,680 --> 01:01:25,360
James, I'm not sure
about this.
1119
01:01:25,400 --> 01:01:28,720
JAMES: Well,
it's the shortest way.
1120
01:01:28,760 --> 01:01:31,960
I know this may look
a bit mad but people
obviously do this in RVs,
1121
01:01:32,000 --> 01:01:34,720
cos you see them parked
out in the middle of nowhere.
1122
01:01:34,760 --> 01:01:37,480
Even if it's only
making meth.
1123
01:01:37,520 --> 01:01:41,400
However, soon the terrain
started to get much rougher.
1124
01:01:41,440 --> 01:01:43,360
(RATTLING AND CLATTERING)
1125
01:01:45,480 --> 01:01:47,880
(CLATTERING)
1126
01:01:49,160 --> 01:01:50,200
Shit!
1127
01:01:56,400 --> 01:01:57,800
Come on, come on.
1128
01:02:00,920 --> 01:02:03,520
Come on, come on, come on!
1129
01:02:03,560 --> 01:02:05,520
Ahhh, ha-ha!
1130
01:02:13,240 --> 01:02:14,920
Argh! Argh!
1131
01:02:16,160 --> 01:02:17,600
(CLATTERING)
1132
01:02:17,640 --> 01:02:19,480
Woah! Shit!
1133
01:02:23,240 --> 01:02:26,520
Hammond,
your bike's fallen off.
1134
01:02:26,560 --> 01:02:28,840
Oh, bloody hell,
I'll go back and get it.
1135
01:02:28,880 --> 01:02:31,280
Er...I wouldn't bother,
to be honest.
1136
01:02:32,800 --> 01:02:34,280
(GROANING)
1137
01:02:34,320 --> 01:02:37,400
That's the...kick-start.
1138
01:02:37,440 --> 01:02:38,520
The exhaust is wedged
under the back wheel.
1139
01:02:38,560 --> 01:02:40,080
The kick-starter's come off.
1140
01:02:40,120 --> 01:02:42,240
The handlebars are bent,
the fork's twisted.
1141
01:02:42,280 --> 01:02:43,520
Foot peg.
1142
01:02:43,560 --> 01:02:45,840
It's broken
the two-stroke oil...
1143
01:02:45,880 --> 01:02:50,000
I'm really sorry you won't
be able to ride it around
tonight. That's a shame.
1144
01:02:54,120 --> 01:02:56,280
Going right.
1145
01:02:56,320 --> 01:02:58,400
(JEREMY CHUCKLING)
1146
01:02:58,440 --> 01:03:00,160
Going left.
1147
01:03:00,200 --> 01:03:02,920
Everything is working well.
1148
01:03:02,960 --> 01:03:04,360
(RATTLING)
1149
01:03:06,920 --> 01:03:09,080
Quite rattly, I admit.
1150
01:03:10,600 --> 01:03:13,520
(CLATTERING)
1151
01:03:13,560 --> 01:03:16,240
Er...nasty, that...
1152
01:03:16,280 --> 01:03:17,960
Uuurrhhh...
1153
01:03:18,000 --> 01:03:20,520
That's the collapsed
rear suspension.
1154
01:03:22,400 --> 01:03:24,960
-Don't judge me.
-(CLATTERING)
1155
01:03:25,000 --> 01:03:26,520
JAMES: Back on our trail,
1156
01:03:26,560 --> 01:03:28,960
the going wasn't getting
any smoother.
1157
01:03:29,000 --> 01:03:31,080
(CLATTERING)
1158
01:03:33,320 --> 01:03:35,880
(LIQUID SPURTING)
1159
01:03:35,920 --> 01:03:37,640
Jesus!
1160
01:03:39,480 --> 01:03:42,800
Hammond, stop!
My pub's exploded.
1161
01:03:45,280 --> 01:03:47,240
Oh, no!
1162
01:03:50,520 --> 01:03:52,240
-Oh, jeez.
-Ha!
1163
01:03:52,280 --> 01:03:54,720
Your one pleasure has been
taken away from you.
1164
01:03:54,760 --> 01:03:57,800
-That's my warm brown beer.
-Gone!
1165
01:03:57,840 --> 01:04:00,600
-Oh, God.
-Is the gin OK?
1166
01:04:00,640 --> 01:04:02,560
-Yes.
-Ha-ha-ha!
1167
01:04:02,600 --> 01:04:06,880
Do you know my pub?
You're barred.
1168
01:04:06,920 --> 01:04:10,200
JAMES:
Figuring there was nothing
important left to break...
1169
01:04:10,240 --> 01:04:12,880
-(RUMBLING)
-...we soldiered on.
1170
01:04:14,640 --> 01:04:17,080
God, it's hot. The steering
wheel's getting...
1171
01:04:17,120 --> 01:04:19,200
(SMASHING)
1172
01:04:19,240 --> 01:04:21,520
Hammond,
my windscreen's falling out.
1173
01:04:21,560 --> 01:04:23,560
It's fallen... It's broken.
1174
01:04:23,600 --> 01:04:25,800
(RICHARD LAUGHS)
1175
01:04:28,920 --> 01:04:29,960
RICHARD: Oh!
1176
01:04:30,000 --> 01:04:32,080
Oh, dear.
1177
01:04:32,120 --> 01:04:35,680
You know you're gonna
have to take the rest of it
out, don't you?
1178
01:04:35,720 --> 01:04:38,000
Well, you are. You can't...
1179
01:04:38,040 --> 01:04:41,160
I mean, that's not...
advisable, is it?
1180
01:04:42,280 --> 01:04:45,240
No. Thank you for your input.
1181
01:04:49,720 --> 01:04:51,400
What I've done,
is I've taken out
1182
01:04:51,440 --> 01:04:53,080
the good half
of the windscreen
1183
01:04:53,120 --> 01:04:55,440
before it falls out
and gets broken,
1184
01:04:55,480 --> 01:04:57,520
and I've stowed that
in the back
1185
01:04:57,560 --> 01:05:00,040
until I get somewhere
where I can do
a proper repair.
1186
01:05:00,080 --> 01:05:02,680
And then
I've borrowed Hammond's
motorcycle goggles,
1187
01:05:02,720 --> 01:05:04,360
cos he doesn't
need them any more.
1188
01:05:07,560 --> 01:05:11,920
Eventually, all three of us
were reunited
at our destination...
1189
01:05:13,440 --> 01:05:15,360
...Red Lake.
1190
01:05:18,680 --> 01:05:22,920
Any problems to report,
apart from the fact most of
your RV's missing, May?
1191
01:05:22,960 --> 01:05:25,760
No, everything's fine.
The air conditioning's
excellent.
1192
01:05:29,880 --> 01:05:32,120
What an astonishing lake
this is.
1193
01:05:34,880 --> 01:05:37,960
There must have been global
warming in the olden days
1194
01:05:38,000 --> 01:05:41,200
to have created this
astonishing spectacle.
1195
01:05:43,000 --> 01:05:46,160
What caused the global
warming back then, I wonder?
1196
01:05:48,560 --> 01:05:51,160
This is like a scene
out of Independence Day.
1197
01:05:51,200 --> 01:05:54,320
Jeff Goldblum, Will Smith,
that drunk man.
1198
01:05:55,720 --> 01:05:57,960
Yeah, that's pretty much us.
1199
01:05:58,000 --> 01:06:00,840
Hammond, did you do that
on the back of May's?
1200
01:06:00,880 --> 01:06:02,600
RICHARD: Yes, I did.
1201
01:06:02,640 --> 01:06:04,600
A pub needs a name and a sign
1202
01:06:04,640 --> 01:06:07,240
and I've combined it
with the landlord's name.
1203
01:06:07,280 --> 01:06:10,400
-(CHUCKLES)
-Love your work.
1204
01:06:10,440 --> 01:06:13,600
-(CLATTERING)
-Bit of a bump there.
1205
01:06:13,640 --> 01:06:15,920
Ha-ha! Jet ski's fallen off!
1206
01:06:19,000 --> 01:06:21,240
(CHUCKLING)
1207
01:06:21,280 --> 01:06:23,480
I probably should
tell him, but...
1208
01:06:23,520 --> 01:06:25,680
my radio's on the seat
down there
1209
01:06:25,720 --> 01:06:27,880
and it would be
irresponsible to take
my hand off the wheel.
1210
01:06:27,920 --> 01:06:31,800
Before I tell him about that,
I'll help him along with it
a bit. Here we go.
1211
01:06:33,880 --> 01:06:35,400
(CLATTERING)
1212
01:06:35,440 --> 01:06:37,680
(JAMES LAUGHS)
1213
01:06:41,440 --> 01:06:44,640
James must have a problem
with his brakes,
cos he can't stop
1214
01:06:44,680 --> 01:06:47,560
and keeps hitting
the back of the jet ski.
1215
01:06:49,560 --> 01:06:52,760
Oh! Oh, dear, oh, dear.
1216
01:06:52,800 --> 01:06:55,640
Oh. it doesn't work
so well on sand.
1217
01:06:56,720 --> 01:07:00,360
(CLATTERING AND LAUGHTER)
1218
01:07:00,400 --> 01:07:03,200
RICHARD: Clarkson, your jet
ski's fallen off. Just then.
1219
01:07:03,240 --> 01:07:05,520
-What?
-(HE LAUGHS) Just then...
1220
01:07:05,560 --> 01:07:07,800
JEREMY: Slowing it down.
Easing it down.
1221
01:07:10,000 --> 01:07:11,640
-Is it broken?
-Oh, yes.
1222
01:07:11,680 --> 01:07:13,960
JAMES: I had to swerve
like mad to avoid it.
1223
01:07:14,000 --> 01:07:15,600
It's a good job
I was behind you.
1224
01:07:15,640 --> 01:07:17,040
If there was nobody
to see that,
1225
01:07:17,080 --> 01:07:19,440
you could have
dragged that for 50 miles.
1226
01:07:19,480 --> 01:07:22,240
-How long have I
been dragging it for?
-20, 30 feet.
1227
01:07:22,280 --> 01:07:25,280
James, I can see
where it fell off.
1228
01:07:26,800 --> 01:07:29,280
And I'm gonna guess
that's three miles ago.
1229
01:07:29,320 --> 01:07:31,280
(RICHARD GIGGLING)
1230
01:07:31,320 --> 01:07:33,160
I couldn't get my radio.
1231
01:07:35,000 --> 01:07:37,640
JEREMY: Having cut
the ruined jet ski free,
1232
01:07:41,640 --> 01:07:44,680
we resumed our journey
across the lake bed.
1233
01:07:50,400 --> 01:07:52,360
Gotta open the pub
in ten minutes.
1234
01:07:56,080 --> 01:07:59,280
RICHARD: Hey, Priscilla, is
it nice and breezy up there?
1235
01:07:59,320 --> 01:08:00,840
(HE CHUCKLES)
1236
01:08:05,440 --> 01:08:10,000
Oh, going for the relaxed,
easy driving style now.
There it is.
1237
01:08:10,040 --> 01:08:13,120
First time I've ever driven
with my feet up,
and I like it.
1238
01:08:13,160 --> 01:08:16,080
-(CLATTERING)
-Oh, (BLEEP) hell!
1239
01:08:16,120 --> 01:08:18,160
Jesus Christ!
1240
01:08:18,200 --> 01:08:20,240
Might ease it down a bit.
1241
01:08:20,280 --> 01:08:22,200
(ENGINE HUMMING STEADILY)
1242
01:08:25,840 --> 01:08:28,280
(ENGINE HUMMING STEADILY)
1243
01:08:30,520 --> 01:08:31,800
Shit.
1244
01:08:31,840 --> 01:08:36,280
My steering works
but I have no gears
1245
01:08:36,320 --> 01:08:39,360
and no throttle
and no braking.
1246
01:08:39,400 --> 01:08:41,600
I'm gonna have to
retake control.
1247
01:08:44,920 --> 01:08:46,800
Here we go.
1248
01:08:46,840 --> 01:08:48,320
Where's he going?
1249
01:08:49,560 --> 01:08:51,600
He's abandoned his steering!
1250
01:08:59,120 --> 01:09:00,920
It's jammed!
1251
01:09:00,960 --> 01:09:03,160
What? It's...
1252
01:09:03,200 --> 01:09:05,120
It's jammed!
I can't open the hatch!
1253
01:09:05,160 --> 01:09:07,040
Well, I can't open it.
1254
01:09:09,080 --> 01:09:10,520
The hatch is jammed.
1255
01:09:15,920 --> 01:09:20,680
Er...guys, could you do like
a pincer movement, OK?
1256
01:09:20,720 --> 01:09:22,960
Come alongside me
at the same time
1257
01:09:23,000 --> 01:09:25,240
and try and slow me down.
1258
01:09:25,280 --> 01:09:27,920
So, what, we're gonna squeeze
you and then slow you?
1259
01:09:27,960 --> 01:09:29,640
-We'll be your brakes?
-Yeah.
1260
01:09:29,680 --> 01:09:33,840
So keep steering into me
while braking.
We'll try and stop it.
1261
01:09:33,880 --> 01:09:35,760
Shit.
1262
01:09:37,320 --> 01:09:39,560
OK, guys, come in!
1263
01:09:41,000 --> 01:09:43,760
Roger.
1264
01:09:43,800 --> 01:09:45,640
If this works,
it'll be a miracle.
1265
01:09:48,360 --> 01:09:51,680
OK, steady. Match my speed.
Match my speed.
1266
01:09:51,720 --> 01:09:53,160
RICHARD: Matching your speed.
1267
01:09:56,600 --> 01:09:58,720
Steering in. Steering in.
1268
01:10:00,960 --> 01:10:02,920
(CRUNCHING AND SCRAPING)
1269
01:10:05,440 --> 01:10:07,640
OK, start to brake.
Start to brake.
1270
01:10:07,680 --> 01:10:09,880
Braking, braking.
1271
01:10:09,920 --> 01:10:13,320
-(METALLIC SQUEAKING)
-JEREMY: OK, this is working.
This is working.
1272
01:10:13,360 --> 01:10:15,320
My fuel tank
is just down there, so...
1273
01:10:15,320 --> 01:10:16,440
(SMASHING)
1274
01:10:16,520 --> 01:10:18,680
Right. Oh, it's worked a bit.
1275
01:10:18,720 --> 01:10:19,960
(SMASHING)
1276
01:10:20,000 --> 01:10:22,280
OK, that's
a small accident there.
1277
01:10:24,320 --> 01:10:26,320
Bloody hell, that worked!
It's stopped!
1278
01:10:26,320 --> 01:10:28,400
But now you've gotta
get it in neutral!
1279
01:10:28,440 --> 01:10:31,080
-Well, how do I get in?
-I don't know.
1280
01:10:31,120 --> 01:10:33,720
There's a ladder at the back.
Go down the ladder.
1281
01:10:33,760 --> 01:10:35,600
RICHARD:
We have to shut it down!
1282
01:10:35,640 --> 01:10:37,320
It's trying to run away.
1283
01:10:37,320 --> 01:10:39,280
I've got my foot
hard on the brake.
1284
01:10:39,320 --> 01:10:41,880
If we let go,
it will take off.
1285
01:10:41,920 --> 01:10:43,120
Hurry up!
1286
01:10:46,600 --> 01:10:48,360
JAMES: Right, down the back,
1287
01:10:48,400 --> 01:10:51,520
the window should be
aligned with your...
Use a bar stool.
1288
01:10:51,560 --> 01:10:53,320
Go to the back,
where the windows are.
1289
01:10:57,080 --> 01:10:59,000
No, I can't.
1290
01:10:59,040 --> 01:11:01,120
-What do you mean, you can't?
-I can't do it.
1291
01:11:01,160 --> 01:11:03,320
-Put your feet in first.
-Hammond!
1292
01:11:03,360 --> 01:11:06,240
-What?
-We need Hammond.
He's little.
1293
01:11:06,280 --> 01:11:09,160
You can't get through
the window. I can't take
my foot off the brake.
1294
01:11:09,200 --> 01:11:12,120
I hope my handbrake holds,
cos if it gives out,
we've had it.
1295
01:11:12,160 --> 01:11:14,080
I can't get through
the window.
1296
01:11:14,120 --> 01:11:16,680
Go in there. Can you put it
in...just put it in park?
1297
01:11:16,720 --> 01:11:18,920
Turn it off.
1298
01:11:18,960 --> 01:11:22,200
-What are you doing?
-Putting that in
to make it easier. Look.
1299
01:11:22,240 --> 01:11:24,800
-Oh, right,
that was my problem.
-Yeah. Arghh!
1300
01:11:24,840 --> 01:11:27,120
-I did that.
-Ow! Argh!
1301
01:11:27,160 --> 01:11:29,160
Ow! Pinched one!
1302
01:11:30,680 --> 01:11:32,280
-Right. I'm...
-Quick!
1303
01:11:32,320 --> 01:11:34,600
(RICHARD GROANS)
1304
01:11:36,440 --> 01:11:38,120
Neutral! Oh.
1305
01:11:38,160 --> 01:11:39,680
-Oh.
-Has he done it?
1306
01:11:39,720 --> 01:11:41,880
-Yes, he has. Jeez.
-Neutral. I've shut it down.
1307
01:11:41,920 --> 01:11:44,040
Well done.
1308
01:11:44,080 --> 01:11:45,360
Oh, no!
1309
01:11:46,520 --> 01:11:47,600
-Hammond.
-What?
1310
01:11:47,640 --> 01:11:48,960
Do you have any idea
1311
01:11:49,000 --> 01:11:52,120
how close that fuel tank
is to my chassis rails?
1312
01:11:52,160 --> 01:11:53,720
Very.
1313
01:11:53,760 --> 01:11:56,040
You could have been
blown to pieces, you idiot!
1314
01:11:56,080 --> 01:11:58,320
-Er...who's the idiot?
-"Thank you, rescuers."
1315
01:11:58,320 --> 01:12:00,000
-"Who's the idiot?"
-You are.
1316
01:12:00,040 --> 01:12:03,280
Why did this happen?
There was nothing wrong
with mine or his.
1317
01:12:03,320 --> 01:12:05,080
What do you mean there's
nothing wrong with yours?
1318
01:12:05,120 --> 01:12:07,440
-You've got no windscreen.
-I know,
but it was driving OK.
1319
01:12:07,520 --> 01:12:10,520
I was in control of it.
I was behind the wheel,
I could use the pedals.
1320
01:12:10,560 --> 01:12:12,080
-I was in control of--
-No, you weren't.
1321
01:12:12,120 --> 01:12:14,040
-Of the steering I was.
-Well, that's brilliant.
1322
01:12:14,080 --> 01:12:16,840
We've saved you from
being dashed to death
on a distant mountain.
1323
01:12:16,880 --> 01:12:19,000
-I can't get out.
-And this is the gratitude
we get.
1324
01:12:19,040 --> 01:12:21,840
I was prepared to drive
round in circles
till it ran out of petrol.
1325
01:12:21,880 --> 01:12:24,800
-What's the matter?
-I can't get out.
I've got stuck.
1326
01:12:24,840 --> 01:12:27,840
-This was a mistake.
-(JEREMY GUFFAWS)
1327
01:12:27,880 --> 01:12:31,440
JAMES: What's he done?
RICHARD: This... I can't...
1328
01:12:31,520 --> 01:12:34,080
-What were you thinking of?
-My legs are on the glass.
1329
01:12:35,600 --> 01:12:37,960
This is a ridiculous day.
1330
01:12:38,000 --> 01:12:41,440
Let's see what can be done
to rescue this situation.
1331
01:12:41,520 --> 01:12:42,880
Well, that's
an interesting one, isn't it?
1332
01:12:42,920 --> 01:12:45,120
Well, let's have
a sit down and think.
1333
01:12:45,160 --> 01:12:48,320
-Yeah, there's a sofa here.
-My knees are stuck on
the window, it's very sore.
1334
01:12:48,360 --> 01:12:51,040
How did you manage that?
Why didn't you go through
legs first?
1335
01:12:51,080 --> 01:12:52,760
I couldn't
because it's higher.
1336
01:12:52,800 --> 01:12:54,680
-But didn't you take
a bar stool with you?
-Aargh!
1337
01:12:54,720 --> 01:12:57,280
Can I just say this holiday
is not working out.
1338
01:12:57,320 --> 01:13:01,680
-No.
-Why don't we just
face facts?
1339
01:13:01,720 --> 01:13:04,320
-RVs are not good.
-They're not good.
1340
01:13:04,360 --> 01:13:07,080
So why don't we
just have a demolition derby?
1341
01:13:07,120 --> 01:13:08,760
-Well, no, wait a minute.
-What?
1342
01:13:08,800 --> 01:13:10,800
That's not a bad idea, cos
half of mine's gone already.
1343
01:13:10,840 --> 01:13:13,080
Yes, mine's pretty much
ruined, cos he's
broken the window.
1344
01:13:13,120 --> 01:13:14,680
Yes, but mine's intact,
it's perfectly intact.
1345
01:13:14,720 --> 01:13:17,240
Nothing has
gone wrong with it.
I'm not destroying it.
1346
01:13:17,280 --> 01:13:19,080
Well, you'll win, then.
You stand more
chance of winning.
1347
01:13:19,120 --> 01:13:21,520
I'll tell you what,
we'll have a vote.
1348
01:13:32,360 --> 01:13:34,640
Right, we've found
three other people
1349
01:13:34,680 --> 01:13:37,880
who are equally disillusioned
with their RVs
1350
01:13:37,920 --> 01:13:39,320
and the rules
are very simple.
1351
01:13:39,320 --> 01:13:43,160
The last one still running
is the winner.
1352
01:13:43,200 --> 01:13:46,640
Once we'd climbed aboard
our race-modified RVs,
1353
01:13:46,680 --> 01:13:49,160
we were ready for the off.
1354
01:13:49,200 --> 01:13:52,040
This is a stupid idea.
I disapprove.
1355
01:13:52,080 --> 01:13:55,000
It's needlessly destructive
and I really like
my little truck.
1356
01:13:56,560 --> 01:13:58,680
Here's my start line
strategy.
1357
01:13:58,720 --> 01:14:01,840
Light goes green.
Hard right! Hit James.
1358
01:14:01,880 --> 01:14:04,120
I want him to be
a bonnet emblem
1359
01:14:04,160 --> 01:14:06,320
by the time I get to
the first corner.
1360
01:14:06,360 --> 01:14:09,280
He doesn't realise that the
window's fallen out of his RV
1361
01:14:09,320 --> 01:14:11,280
and I can hear
everything he's saying.
1362
01:14:15,720 --> 01:14:17,000
(ENGINE REVVING)
1363
01:14:21,360 --> 01:14:23,240
(BEEPS)
1364
01:14:26,960 --> 01:14:28,160
(BEEP)
1365
01:14:28,200 --> 01:14:29,680
Let's get this over with,
shall we?
1366
01:14:32,200 --> 01:14:34,120
That's one done.
1367
01:14:40,200 --> 01:14:42,960
Obviously I'm not driving
on the roof.
1368
01:14:43,000 --> 01:14:44,960
I think that would be unwise.
1369
01:14:46,560 --> 01:14:49,000
Closing up on the lavatory.
1370
01:14:49,040 --> 01:14:51,280
-Here he goes.
-(CRASHING)
1371
01:14:51,320 --> 01:14:53,200
Oh, he hit me hard there.
1372
01:14:56,080 --> 01:14:58,200
-Turning right.
-(SMASHING)
1373
01:14:58,240 --> 01:15:00,840
Oh, haw, haw, haw!
1374
01:15:00,880 --> 01:15:02,800
(SMASHING)
1375
01:15:05,280 --> 01:15:06,800
(METALLIC SCRAPING)
1376
01:15:14,000 --> 01:15:16,000
-Got him.
JEREMY: I've been hit again!
1377
01:15:16,040 --> 01:15:18,040
-(METALLIC SCRAPING)
-Bastard.
1378
01:15:20,000 --> 01:15:22,040
JAMES: Meanwhile,
in Hammond's truck,
1379
01:15:22,080 --> 01:15:24,400
there'd been
a bit of a mood swing.
1380
01:15:24,440 --> 01:15:26,760
-(THUD)
-Ha, ha, ha.
1381
01:15:26,800 --> 01:15:29,520
(SMASHING)
1382
01:15:29,560 --> 01:15:31,680
OK, I change my mind.
This is really good fun.
1383
01:15:31,720 --> 01:15:33,160
(LAUGHS)
1384
01:15:35,560 --> 01:15:40,720
I have got the
toughest vehicle here...
I'm sure of that.
1385
01:15:40,760 --> 01:15:42,400
-(THUDDING)
-Aargh! Oh, ow, ow.
1386
01:15:44,720 --> 01:15:47,120
Have another go at Jeremy.
1387
01:15:47,160 --> 01:15:49,760
-(CLATTERING)
Ooh! Oh, my lights
have come off.
1388
01:15:51,120 --> 01:15:52,960
(CRIES OUT)
1389
01:15:53,000 --> 01:15:55,440
The door was shut on me
really badly.
1390
01:15:55,520 --> 01:15:58,320
I can't see over my bonnet.
1391
01:15:58,360 --> 01:16:00,320
(JAMES LAUGHS)
1392
01:16:02,280 --> 01:16:05,960
Hammond's bonnet
is completely off.
1393
01:16:06,000 --> 01:16:08,040
JAMES: However,
the Mad Max make-over
1394
01:16:08,080 --> 01:16:11,520
made his truck
even more of a lethal weapon.
1395
01:16:11,560 --> 01:16:13,960
-There you go! Hah.
-(SMASHING)
1396
01:16:15,840 --> 01:16:18,160
RICHARD: Ha ha ha.
-Oh, that's brutal.
1397
01:16:18,200 --> 01:16:20,680
-(THUD)
-Oh, my door!
1398
01:16:20,720 --> 01:16:22,760
Oh!
1399
01:16:22,800 --> 01:16:24,720
(THUDDING AND SMASHING)
1400
01:16:27,920 --> 01:16:30,080
JEREMY: I've been hit.
1401
01:16:30,120 --> 01:16:31,680
I've been hit again.
1402
01:16:34,000 --> 01:16:35,920
I'm in a sandwich
of Americans.
1403
01:16:35,960 --> 01:16:38,040
(SMASHING)
1404
01:16:38,080 --> 01:16:40,200
JEREMY: It was at this point
I noticed something
1405
01:16:40,240 --> 01:16:43,080
about one of those Americans.
1406
01:16:43,120 --> 01:16:45,280
Wait a minute.
1407
01:16:45,320 --> 01:16:47,320
It's that guy.
1408
01:16:47,320 --> 01:16:50,120
He's the one
who's been following us.
1409
01:16:50,160 --> 01:16:51,640
What's he doing?
1410
01:16:53,840 --> 01:16:55,200
Oh, no, I'm being pushed.
1411
01:16:55,240 --> 01:16:56,640
(METAL RIPPING)
1412
01:16:59,320 --> 01:17:02,840
We are being annihilated by
the two remaining Americans.
1413
01:17:02,880 --> 01:17:05,320
(THUDDING)
1414
01:17:08,920 --> 01:17:10,680
RICHARD:
As the contest heated up...
1415
01:17:10,720 --> 01:17:12,240
(SMASHING)
1416
01:17:16,240 --> 01:17:19,320
...I decided to pick on
the biggest RV.
1417
01:17:19,360 --> 01:17:21,960
You want demolition,
have some.
1418
01:17:22,000 --> 01:17:23,000
(THUD)
1419
01:17:24,160 --> 01:17:25,280
Ha! Oh!
1420
01:17:27,440 --> 01:17:29,520
(THUD)
1421
01:17:29,560 --> 01:17:31,160
(CHUCKLES)
1422
01:17:34,200 --> 01:17:35,640
RICHARD: Oh, oh.
1423
01:17:37,960 --> 01:17:39,840
Oh, hello, I'm leaking.
Oh, no!
1424
01:17:39,880 --> 01:17:42,760
Oh, no, I'm leaking fluid.
1425
01:17:42,800 --> 01:17:44,640
(SMASHING)
1426
01:17:44,680 --> 01:17:46,440
(THUDDING)
1427
01:17:46,520 --> 01:17:49,320
RICHARD: Following hit
after brutal hit...
1428
01:17:51,000 --> 01:17:54,800
...my opponent
eventually conked out.
1429
01:17:54,840 --> 01:17:58,360
But the battle had left me
badly wounded.
1430
01:17:58,400 --> 01:18:01,160
Oh, this does not bode well
for my little truck.
1431
01:18:01,200 --> 01:18:03,120
I think my engine
might be suffering.
1432
01:18:04,200 --> 01:18:05,440
Huh! Aargh!
1433
01:18:06,680 --> 01:18:07,680
Oh, whoa!
1434
01:18:10,080 --> 01:18:12,440
-(SMASHING)
-Oh, that's gone
badly wrong for me.
1435
01:18:12,520 --> 01:18:14,800
-I think
I've lost a wheel now.
-Oh, ho-ho-ho-ho.
1436
01:18:14,840 --> 01:18:16,960
I'm in a bad way.
1437
01:18:17,000 --> 01:18:18,920
I've lost steering.
(CRIES OUT)
1438
01:18:18,960 --> 01:18:21,400
Aaargh!
1439
01:18:21,440 --> 01:18:22,720
Hammond is history.
1440
01:18:23,800 --> 01:18:25,240
(SMASHING)
1441
01:18:25,280 --> 01:18:28,120
JEREMY: Now only
three of us remained.
1442
01:18:28,160 --> 01:18:30,400
Come on. Hit James.
1443
01:18:30,440 --> 01:18:32,120
Ramming speed!
1444
01:18:32,160 --> 01:18:33,920
(SMASHING)
1445
01:18:35,040 --> 01:18:37,120
(SMASHING)
1446
01:18:37,160 --> 01:18:39,080
(TYRES SCREECH)
1447
01:18:39,120 --> 01:18:42,200
JAMES: Ohhh!
1448
01:18:42,240 --> 01:18:44,840
-You bastard!
-May's in the wall!
1449
01:18:44,880 --> 01:18:47,240
He's in the wall and toast.
1450
01:18:47,280 --> 01:18:49,720
It's just me
and this weird man.
1451
01:18:51,040 --> 01:18:53,160
I'll get you, you bastard.
1452
01:18:53,200 --> 01:18:55,840
-(THUD)
-Whoa.
1453
01:18:55,880 --> 01:18:57,920
(SMASHING)
1454
01:19:00,360 --> 01:19:02,360
Get him!
1455
01:19:02,400 --> 01:19:03,960
I'm taking him.
1456
01:19:06,320 --> 01:19:08,240
-(THUDDING)
-Oh, Lord.
1457
01:19:10,760 --> 01:19:12,560
Going in hard and hot!
1458
01:19:12,600 --> 01:19:14,280
(TYRES SCREECH)
1459
01:19:14,320 --> 01:19:16,040
(THUD)
1460
01:19:21,760 --> 01:19:23,280
JEREMY: Yeaahhhh!
1461
01:19:23,320 --> 01:19:25,600
Ha-ha, hey!
1462
01:19:25,640 --> 01:19:27,360
Oh, yes!
1463
01:19:27,400 --> 01:19:30,840
The mighty RV boat
is victorious.
1464
01:19:32,000 --> 01:19:33,840
Nothing else running.
1465
01:19:33,880 --> 01:19:35,200
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
1466
01:19:35,240 --> 01:19:36,800
Oh, yeah.
1467
01:19:36,840 --> 01:19:39,520
Well done.
It's a glorious victory.
1468
01:19:39,560 --> 01:19:41,200
-Really.
-It is.
1469
01:19:41,240 --> 01:19:44,720
And I think we've proved
that if you must have an RV
1470
01:19:44,760 --> 01:19:47,760
it has to be
a Chevrolet Pace Arrow.
1471
01:19:47,800 --> 01:19:49,040
-Yes. Yes.
-Yes, it does.
1472
01:19:49,080 --> 01:19:50,720
Good, congratulations.
Very well done.
1473
01:19:50,760 --> 01:19:52,000
-Meanwhile...
-What?
1474
01:19:52,040 --> 01:19:53,360
We've gotta
make camp for tonight
1475
01:19:53,400 --> 01:19:56,760
in these, so I would
suggest just over there.
1476
01:19:56,800 --> 01:19:59,160
I think
that's an excellent idea.
As close as possible.
1477
01:19:59,200 --> 01:20:01,040
-Yes.
-We can come to your pub.
1478
01:20:01,080 --> 01:20:03,200
-Well, you're not expecting
a drink, are you?
-Why not?
1479
01:20:03,240 --> 01:20:05,120
-Pub's been demolished.
-Has it?
1480
01:20:05,160 --> 01:20:06,640
-Yeah.
-Oh, of course,
it went into a wall.
1481
01:20:06,680 --> 01:20:08,120
-Happens a lot these days.
-Ooh! Ooh!
1482
01:20:08,160 --> 01:20:09,960
-I nearly forgot.
-What?
1483
01:20:10,000 --> 01:20:11,320
You know that guy
that's been
1484
01:20:11,320 --> 01:20:12,920
following us around
since we got here?
1485
01:20:12,960 --> 01:20:15,240
BOTH: No.
-The one in
the race overalls.
1486
01:20:15,280 --> 01:20:17,440
-No.
-You've still not seen him?
1487
01:20:17,520 --> 01:20:19,720
-Never seen him.
-Well, you have,
cos he was driving that.
1488
01:20:19,760 --> 01:20:21,720
-Was he?
-Yes, I put him on...
he's dead now.
1489
01:20:21,760 --> 01:20:24,240
-Good, good.
-And now he won't be
following us any more
1490
01:20:24,280 --> 01:20:25,680
because I've rolled him over.
1491
01:20:25,720 --> 01:20:27,040
You can tell us all about it
1492
01:20:27,080 --> 01:20:30,120
over a glass of water
this evening.
1493
01:20:30,160 --> 01:20:33,600
JEREMY: With our race
with the devil over...
1494
01:20:33,640 --> 01:20:36,000
...we fell asleep
quickly that night,
1495
01:20:36,040 --> 01:20:38,120
happy in the knowledge
that the horror
1496
01:20:38,160 --> 01:20:41,440
of our RV holiday
was finally over.
1497
01:20:43,680 --> 01:20:45,600
(EERIE MUSIC)
1498
01:21:20,320 --> 01:21:22,240
(EERIE MUSIC CONTINUES)
1499
01:21:38,160 --> 01:21:40,080
(MUSIC FADES)
106933