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1
00:00:03,755 --> 00:00:05,546
Charlie, please.
2
00:00:05,630 --> 00:00:07,380
Please let me sign your cast.
3
00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:09,740
No. You laughed when I
fell and hurt my wrist.
4
00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:11,460
You will never sign this cast.
5
00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:13,880
What? Are you guys still
arguing about this?
6
00:00:13,940 --> 00:00:15,200
You're supposed to be adults.
7
00:00:15,220 --> 00:00:18,540
You have a combined age of 140.
8
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:21,220
I'm sorry, it was funny when he fell.
9
00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:23,060
He was carrying a hot fudge sundae
10
00:00:23,090 --> 00:00:25,483
and the cherry landed
on his belly button.
11
00:00:25,568 --> 00:00:27,735
I'm only human.
12
00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:30,320
Hank, please talk some
sense into these two.
13
00:00:30,350 --> 00:00:32,907
I'd like to, but I was unaware of
the cherry in the belly button.
14
00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:34,700
That changes everything.
15
00:00:34,827 --> 00:00:38,204
Friends let friends sign their casts.
16
00:00:38,331 --> 00:00:41,350
You're right. Friends do let
friends sign their casts.
17
00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:43,780
Hank, would you, uh, be so kind?
18
00:00:43,830 --> 00:00:45,400
And Margaret.
19
00:00:45,430 --> 00:00:49,400
Oh, great. Hank is signing
in the spot I picked out.
20
00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:52,040
This is outrageous.
21
00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:55,600
Do you think that you two could,
uh, settle this by recess?
22
00:00:55,620 --> 00:00:58,090
My friend Joanie is gonna
stop by today. I want to
23
00:00:58,140 --> 00:01:00,070
show her how awesome
my new life is here.
24
00:01:00,100 --> 00:01:02,010
You have other friends than us?
25
00:01:02,060 --> 00:01:03,600
Yeah, don't you guys?
26
00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:08,390
Okay. Well...
27
00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:10,740
Joanie and I got divorced
around the same time,
28
00:01:10,780 --> 00:01:12,890
and when we met we became inseparable.
29
00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:14,780
You guys are gonna love her. She paints,
30
00:01:14,820 --> 00:01:17,100
she sculpts, she makes jewelry...
31
00:01:17,140 --> 00:01:19,660
Still waiting for the stuff we'll love.
32
00:01:19,740 --> 00:01:21,840
Oh. Well, I forgot to mention
33
00:01:21,860 --> 00:01:23,990
she also farts the alphabet.
34
00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:25,660
Seriously?
35
00:01:25,750 --> 00:01:28,000
No, but I can burp the
Pledge of Allegiance.
36
00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:29,710
MARGARET: [LAUGHS] Oh!
37
00:01:29,740 --> 00:01:32,380
Joanie! Wow!
38
00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:34,880
- Did you just get back from Oldchella?
- Oh!
39
00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:36,670
- Oh, you're bad.
- [LAUGHS]
40
00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:38,470
[BOTH WHOOPING]
41
00:01:39,590 --> 00:01:41,930
Does this morgue have a bar?
42
00:01:42,010 --> 00:01:44,440
Hey, Joanie, meet Sid, Charlie,
43
00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:45,970
- and Hank.
- Hi.
44
00:01:46,050 --> 00:01:47,560
Small, medium, and large.
45
00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:49,810
I love it.
46
00:01:49,900 --> 00:01:53,020
Would you like to sign my cast?
47
00:01:53,110 --> 00:01:54,900
Be honored.
48
00:01:54,980 --> 00:01:56,070
SID: What?!
49
00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:58,320
You don't even know her.
50
00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:00,140
Oh, a heart over the I...
51
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:01,530
real original, Joanie.
52
00:02:01,660 --> 00:02:03,700
You're a frigging trailblazer.
53
00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:10,040
54
00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:26,940
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
55
00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:30,880
[LAUGHING]: And when you
grabbed that guy's keys...
56
00:02:30,910 --> 00:02:34,060
[LAUGHING]: Yeah! And
then back at the hotel...
57
00:02:34,190 --> 00:02:37,690
You guys should have seen the
look on the pool boy's face.
58
00:02:39,220 --> 00:02:41,350
This is the fifth story you told today
59
00:02:41,380 --> 00:02:43,610
that doesn't have a beginning,
a middle or an end.
60
00:02:43,700 --> 00:02:46,620
Yeah, ladies, I feel like I'm
watching Harry Potter...
61
00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:50,200
I'm not sure what's going
on and I'm not sure I care.
62
00:02:50,330 --> 00:02:53,060
[LAUGHING]: You've really
been talking this place up,
63
00:02:53,110 --> 00:02:55,570
but it... as far as I can
see, at first glance,
64
00:02:55,590 --> 00:02:57,700
- it seems a little sleepy.
- [SIGHS]
65
00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,800
Oh, that's 'cause you looking at Larry.
66
00:03:02,300 --> 00:03:05,080
It also seems like a place
where people come to die.
67
00:03:05,110 --> 00:03:07,560
No. You're thinking of a nursing home.
68
00:03:07,640 --> 00:03:09,470
This is a retirement community.
69
00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:12,890
Nothing but sex, drugs, and sex-drugs.
70
00:03:14,060 --> 00:03:16,340
In all fairness, a lot
of people do die here.
71
00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:19,860
It's like a horror movie
without the suspense.
72
00:03:19,940 --> 00:03:21,780
So what's the plan tonight?
73
00:03:21,860 --> 00:03:23,950
How far away is Tijuana?
74
00:03:23,980 --> 00:03:25,950
[LAUGHS] Oh, no. We can't go back there.
75
00:03:25,980 --> 00:03:28,240
Those nuns'll still be looking for us.
76
00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:32,330
Margaret's got much cooler
plans than that for tonight.
77
00:03:32,420 --> 00:03:35,960
We are going to the Shady Meadows Luau.
78
00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:38,460
I, for one, hope to get lei'd.
79
00:03:39,780 --> 00:03:41,100
The lei, of course,
80
00:03:41,130 --> 00:03:43,470
- is a flowery necklace from Hawaii.
- Yeah.
81
00:03:43,550 --> 00:03:46,720
It also means sex.
82
00:03:46,750 --> 00:03:48,760
A clever play on words.
83
00:03:53,270 --> 00:03:55,980
Now, Joanie, you gonna help Margaret,
84
00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:59,610
who will assume her usual role
as my, uh, honey funneler.
85
00:03:59,730 --> 00:04:02,099
- Honey funneler?
- That is right.
86
00:04:02,100 --> 00:04:03,700
She funnels the honeys to me.
87
00:04:03,740 --> 00:04:05,440
I woo them with my humor.
88
00:04:05,490 --> 00:04:07,200
And the next thing you know,
I got an apple in my mouth
89
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:09,530
and a grass skirt on my bedroom floor.
90
00:04:09,620 --> 00:04:10,660
Yeah?
91
00:04:10,790 --> 00:04:12,450
We're not doing that.
92
00:04:12,540 --> 00:04:13,749
Margaret, shall we?
93
00:04:13,750 --> 00:04:15,210
Yeah, yeah, I... Sorry Hank.
94
00:04:15,230 --> 00:04:16,749
Uh, we're out for ourselves tonight.
95
00:04:16,750 --> 00:04:19,250
You're gonna have to
funnel your own honey.
96
00:04:19,340 --> 00:04:21,130
Okay, Charlie.
97
00:04:21,170 --> 00:04:24,300
I bought you pineapple,
ham and cornichons.
98
00:04:24,380 --> 00:04:26,340
Or, as you like to call
them, "little pickles."
99
00:04:26,470 --> 00:04:29,890
Which, coincidentally, was
my nickname in junior high.
100
00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:32,260
Charlie, I'm sorry I laughed.
101
00:04:32,350 --> 00:04:34,180
Now can I sign your cast?
102
00:04:34,270 --> 00:04:35,579
No.
103
00:04:35,580 --> 00:04:38,400
And I'm gonna need more little
pickles, Little Pickles.
104
00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:41,570
I didn't say I liked that nickname.
105
00:04:41,690 --> 00:04:44,610
There are actually a lot of cute
guys here at Sweaty Middles.
106
00:04:44,700 --> 00:04:46,570
Shady Meadows.
107
00:04:46,700 --> 00:04:48,350
And that's what I've
been trying to tell you.
108
00:04:48,380 --> 00:04:49,740
This is like a college dorm,
109
00:04:49,770 --> 00:04:53,040
except everybody's got
macular degeneration.
110
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:54,700
HANK: Hey, girl.
111
00:04:54,830 --> 00:04:57,510
Are you that offensive
graffiti somebody painted
112
00:04:57,540 --> 00:04:59,880
on the grocery store?
'Cause I can't believe
113
00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:02,090
nobody's taken you off the market.
114
00:05:03,630 --> 00:05:06,590
[EXHALES] Swing and a miss.
115
00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:07,920
Damn that Joanie.
116
00:05:07,950 --> 00:05:09,590
She's hogging my wing woman.
117
00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:11,680
118
00:05:13,930 --> 00:05:15,430
It's fine. I don't need her.
119
00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:16,850
Check this out.
120
00:05:16,940 --> 00:05:21,060
Baby doll, are you my 1970 Chevelle
121
00:05:21,090 --> 00:05:22,360
that I backed into a tree?
122
00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:24,570
'Cause your trunk is on fire.
123
00:05:26,530 --> 00:05:28,610
Wow, she didn't even slow down.
124
00:05:28,700 --> 00:05:31,160
You know, Charlie, keep in mind,
125
00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:33,370
many of these women are lesbians.
126
00:05:37,620 --> 00:05:39,500
Thank you.
127
00:05:39,580 --> 00:05:41,080
Well, Margaret didn't show again.
128
00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:43,960
I ended up having to eat her breakfast.
129
00:05:44,050 --> 00:05:46,760
You didn't have to.
130
00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:49,820
Not only did she ignore us at the luau,
131
00:05:49,840 --> 00:05:51,220
she totally stood me up
132
00:05:51,260 --> 00:05:54,260
for our RuPaul's Drag
Race marathon last night.
133
00:05:55,850 --> 00:05:58,020
I made 100 mini pizzas.
134
00:05:58,100 --> 00:06:00,550
I had to eat them all by myself.
135
00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:03,520
Well, again, you didn't have to.
136
00:06:03,570 --> 00:06:05,380
Well, she stood me up this morning, too.
137
00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:07,190
We were supposed to go
golfing this morning.
138
00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:09,030
I get paired with Dudley.
139
00:06:09,070 --> 00:06:11,360
- That man shot a 462.
- [CHUCKLES]
140
00:06:11,450 --> 00:06:13,530
We only golfed nine holes.
141
00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:16,880
Yeah, Joanie is throwing
everything out of whack.
142
00:06:16,900 --> 00:06:18,040
You know, Margaret's the one
143
00:06:18,060 --> 00:06:20,040
that always tells me
when my fly is open,
144
00:06:20,170 --> 00:06:21,540
and look at that...
145
00:06:21,670 --> 00:06:24,630
wide open.
146
00:06:24,750 --> 00:06:27,960
Not only is Joanie stealing
our friend, but with
147
00:06:28,090 --> 00:06:29,670
Charlie icing me out,
148
00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:32,090
I'm basically down to one: you, Hank.
149
00:06:32,180 --> 00:06:35,390
Would you like to watch
RuPaul's Drag Race tonight?
150
00:06:35,470 --> 00:06:38,180
No, I don't want to watch
RuPaul's Drag Race with you.
151
00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:39,470
That's the last thing I need,
152
00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:41,080
is to fall in love
with one of them gals.
153
00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:45,480
I am too old to be
questioning my sexuality.
154
00:06:45,500 --> 00:06:47,400
That is a Margaret show.
155
00:06:47,530 --> 00:06:49,330
And I'm gonna tell her
as soon as she shows up.
156
00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:51,020
You know, I have had it with her.
157
00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:53,620
I'm gonna tell her she needs to
get this Joanie up out of here.
158
00:06:53,660 --> 00:06:55,800
Hey, guys!
159
00:06:55,820 --> 00:06:58,580
I come bearing great news,
160
00:06:58,660 --> 00:07:01,080
and morning hooch. [CHUCKLES]
161
00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:02,960
We're gonna have to
pull a fifth chair up
162
00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:05,960
to this table, because...
163
00:07:06,090 --> 00:07:07,960
I'm moving in.
164
00:07:08,050 --> 00:07:09,880
[LAUGHS]
165
00:07:09,970 --> 00:07:11,630
- [MARGARET WHOOPS]
- Yay.
166
00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:13,930
Woo-hoo.
167
00:07:22,220 --> 00:07:23,890
Yup, my lease was up,
168
00:07:23,980 --> 00:07:25,520
my best friend lives here...
169
00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:26,940
what's not to love?
170
00:07:27,070 --> 00:07:28,480
[MARGARET AND JOANIE LAUGHING]
171
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,360
I'm heading over to the
sales office right now.
172
00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:36,200
Yup. We found out there's
a unit available.
173
00:07:36,270 --> 00:07:39,050
Tippy Kominsky's family
just pulled the plug.
174
00:07:39,080 --> 00:07:41,330
How great is that?
175
00:07:41,410 --> 00:07:43,480
Oh, no, Tippy died?
176
00:07:43,500 --> 00:07:45,170
She owed me money.
177
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:50,800
Margaret, we need to talk. Now,
how do I say this delicately?
178
00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:52,440
We don't like this Joanie
179
00:07:52,470 --> 00:07:54,760
and we like you less
when you around her.
180
00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:57,050
What? Where is this coming from?
181
00:07:57,100 --> 00:08:00,490
[SIGHS] Margaret, you're blowing
off your obligation to us
182
00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:02,390
to hang out with this Joanie.
183
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,979
Now, when you sat down at this table
184
00:08:04,980 --> 00:08:06,770
and joined this group of friends,
185
00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:08,110
you signed a contract.
186
00:08:08,170 --> 00:08:10,980
- I didn't sign anything.
- HANK: Yes, you did.
187
00:08:11,070 --> 00:08:13,940
Your butt cheek was the pen.
188
00:08:14,030 --> 00:08:16,490
That chair was the paper.
189
00:08:16,570 --> 00:08:18,620
When you put butt cheek pen
190
00:08:18,700 --> 00:08:20,370
to chair paper,
191
00:08:20,490 --> 00:08:23,040
a contract was signed
192
00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:26,370
and sealed, and you are forever bound.
193
00:08:27,500 --> 00:08:30,630
Wow, we really need to get you laid.
194
00:08:32,970 --> 00:08:35,970
If it's hard for you to tell her
she can't move in, I can do it.
195
00:08:36,050 --> 00:08:38,680
I'll be firm but bitchy.
196
00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:41,140
Why don't you let me be firm but bitchy?
197
00:08:41,270 --> 00:08:44,060
Not exactly a stretch.
198
00:08:45,730 --> 00:08:48,060
You guys are freaking out over nothing.
199
00:08:48,110 --> 00:08:50,230
I can be friends with you
and with Joanie, too.
200
00:08:50,270 --> 00:08:53,230
We can all get along if you
will just give her a chance.
201
00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:54,820
Charlie, your fly is down.
202
00:08:54,900 --> 00:08:57,150
Yeah. And I had to figure
that out on my own.
203
00:08:58,370 --> 00:09:01,620
Well, honey, if you figured it
out, then why's it still down?
204
00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:05,440
Hank, Joanie's really great,
just give her a shot.
205
00:09:05,460 --> 00:09:07,800
Okay? Go talk to her. You will like her.
206
00:09:07,830 --> 00:09:10,710
We'll make an amendment to
your butt cheek contract.
207
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,420
Yeah, I'll talk to her.
208
00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:13,840
But just remember:
209
00:09:13,900 --> 00:09:16,550
chair contract, butt cheek pen.
210
00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:18,050
Butt cheek paper doesn't
even make sense.
211
00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:19,680
Think, woman.
212
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:22,220
213
00:09:24,580 --> 00:09:26,680
[LAUGHS]
214
00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:31,020
- Geez.
- Hey.
215
00:09:31,110 --> 00:09:33,190
Margaret said I should get
to know you, so, uh...
216
00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:36,400
what's your favorite food?
217
00:09:36,530 --> 00:09:40,360
That is a really weird way
to start a conversation.
218
00:09:40,450 --> 00:09:42,530
But... [SIGHS]
219
00:09:42,620 --> 00:09:44,540
popcorn.
220
00:09:44,570 --> 00:09:46,450
You kidding me?
221
00:09:46,470 --> 00:09:49,160
So you on your way to the electric chair
222
00:09:49,210 --> 00:09:51,300
and they ask you what your last meal is,
223
00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:53,500
you gonna tell them popcorn?
224
00:09:54,630 --> 00:09:56,380
All right, I'll tell Margaret I tried.
225
00:09:56,470 --> 00:09:58,170
Oh, Hank.
226
00:09:58,300 --> 00:10:00,370
If you have a problem with me,
227
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,550
why don't you just come
right out and say it?
228
00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:04,180
Oh, I'll do you one better,
229
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,560
I'll come right out and say it.
230
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:08,390
We don't want to have you here.
231
00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:10,390
Really, Hank?
232
00:10:11,900 --> 00:10:14,770
You don't think it could be fun to...
233
00:10:14,900 --> 00:10:16,900
have me?
234
00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:20,360
I think... maybe it...
235
00:10:20,420 --> 00:10:21,910
might be fun to have you.
236
00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:26,990
Well, maybe you should
take me on a little tour,
237
00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:30,290
so I can get a better
feel for the place.
238
00:10:31,330 --> 00:10:32,710
Feel?
239
00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:36,650
And then after you show me around,
240
00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:39,920
maybe I could check out... your unit.
241
00:10:40,010 --> 00:10:42,680
Say what now?
242
00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:45,430
- You want to see my unit?
- Yeah.
243
00:10:45,510 --> 00:10:47,510
Well, this is gonna be a short-ass tour.
244
00:10:52,150 --> 00:10:55,260
Get well soon...
245
00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:57,900
you fragile...
246
00:10:57,990 --> 00:11:00,360
bastard.
247
00:11:00,450 --> 00:11:02,300
He's using up all the free space,
248
00:11:02,340 --> 00:11:04,490
and everything he's writing is mean.
249
00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:06,620
Love...
250
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:09,580
your nemesis...
251
00:11:09,660 --> 00:11:11,960
Gorgeous George.
252
00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:14,540
Toodle-oo, bird-bones.
253
00:11:16,210 --> 00:11:18,620
Do you think Hank and
Joanie are still talking?
254
00:11:18,650 --> 00:11:21,470
I promise you guys are gonna
love having her around.
255
00:11:21,550 --> 00:11:23,580
Good evening, everyone.
256
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:27,010
And what a good, good evening it is.
257
00:11:27,100 --> 00:11:29,310
Hoo-ee!
258
00:11:29,430 --> 00:11:31,700
Oh, Joanie, you didn't.
259
00:11:31,730 --> 00:11:32,890
I did.
260
00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:34,770
Twice.
261
00:11:34,900 --> 00:11:36,560
Did what?
262
00:11:37,940 --> 00:11:39,730
Ooh, yuck.
263
00:11:47,700 --> 00:11:49,400
How did this happen?
264
00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:50,659
When did this happen?
265
00:11:50,660 --> 00:11:54,330
Above all, why did this happen?
266
00:11:54,420 --> 00:11:56,180
Well, Hank headed over to the rec room
267
00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:59,130
to give me the business,
and... I took it.
268
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:04,680
[LAUGHING]: I was giv... I
was giving her a little tour.
269
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:06,170
JOANIE [LAUGHING]: And then there was
270
00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:08,980
- this noisy bird.
- [SNORTING] And I said...
271
00:12:09,020 --> 00:12:11,270
I said, "Shut up, bird!"
272
00:12:13,310 --> 00:12:16,140
And that's basically how it happened.
273
00:12:16,230 --> 00:12:18,650
Twice.
274
00:12:18,730 --> 00:12:22,900
Can anyone tell a complete
story around here?
275
00:12:23,030 --> 00:12:25,170
Okay, well, we'll catch
up with you guys later.
276
00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:26,380
We're gonna hit the tennis court.
277
00:12:26,410 --> 00:12:28,990
Oh, Hank, you don't even play tennis.
278
00:12:29,030 --> 00:12:30,830
I do now.
279
00:12:30,910 --> 00:12:34,780
Oh, guys, this is really not good.
280
00:12:34,860 --> 00:12:37,080
I know. Friends hooking up with friends
281
00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:39,670
is terrible for group dynamics.
282
00:12:39,700 --> 00:12:43,000
And I should know, I have seen
all 14 seasons of Road Rules,
283
00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:46,590
even the almost unwatchable
"Semester at Sea."
284
00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:51,270
Okay, but it's not just that.
Hank is really into her,
285
00:12:51,300 --> 00:12:54,230
and Joanie is really
into chewing up guys
286
00:12:54,260 --> 00:12:56,520
and spitting them out.
I got to talk to her.
287
00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:57,890
Well, keep your guard up.
288
00:12:57,930 --> 00:13:00,190
She banged the last
person that tried that.
289
00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:13,620
Afternoon, ladies!
290
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:17,000
Yep, that's right. Broke my neck.
291
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:20,630
I tripped over a cat.
292
00:13:20,710 --> 00:13:24,430
All my friends laughed, but
I didn't even get mad,
293
00:13:24,460 --> 00:13:28,050
'cause everyone knows that
people falling is funny!
294
00:13:29,680 --> 00:13:31,430
Anyhoo...
295
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:33,100
you want to sign my brace?
296
00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:34,520
Give me a break, Sid.
297
00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:36,220
You didn't hurt yourself.
298
00:13:36,310 --> 00:13:37,890
Who's that talking?
299
00:13:38,020 --> 00:13:41,520
I can barely turn with
this pesky broken neck.
300
00:13:43,380 --> 00:13:46,640
Oh, sweet Charlie, it's you.
301
00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:49,470
You probably want to sign my brace,
302
00:13:49,490 --> 00:13:53,580
but the space is reserved
for all of my true friends.
303
00:13:53,620 --> 00:13:54,910
Shirley, Betty and...
304
00:13:54,930 --> 00:13:56,330
this one.
305
00:13:58,060 --> 00:14:01,050
If you're trying to make me
jealous, it will not work.
306
00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:02,970
I haven't been jealous since 1980,
307
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:05,270
when my ex-wife slept
with the Jackson 4.
308
00:14:05,300 --> 00:14:06,960
Michael wasn't interested.
309
00:14:08,130 --> 00:14:09,880
Oh, Charlie!
310
00:14:09,970 --> 00:14:11,680
Enough!
311
00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:14,420
I didn't hurt my neck.
312
00:14:14,430 --> 00:14:17,560
What's hurting is my heart.
313
00:14:17,580 --> 00:14:19,410
When you don't let me sign your cast,
314
00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:21,380
I feel like I'm not your friend,
315
00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:23,810
and I don't like the way that feels.
316
00:14:23,900 --> 00:14:26,290
Well, then you shouldn't have
laughed at me for being old.
317
00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:28,300
You know, I can't get
around like I used to,
318
00:14:28,340 --> 00:14:30,020
but I don't see anything
funny about that.
319
00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:33,140
I didn't laugh because you're old.
320
00:14:33,220 --> 00:14:36,020
Age has nothing to do with it.
321
00:14:36,060 --> 00:14:37,899
Just the other day
322
00:14:37,900 --> 00:14:40,120
I laughed at this little girl
323
00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:42,000
who fell down at the mall.
324
00:14:42,150 --> 00:14:43,850
You promise?
325
00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:47,340
[LAUGHING]: She fell
down the up escalator.
326
00:14:47,460 --> 00:14:50,340
But it brought her right back up.
327
00:14:50,470 --> 00:14:53,140
- [LAUGHING]
- Oh... oh, yeah.
328
00:14:53,170 --> 00:14:55,510
- I-I get it, I get it. Here.
- Oh.
329
00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:58,080
Thank you. Oh, I don't
know what to write,
330
00:14:58,100 --> 00:14:59,810
there are so many options.
331
00:14:59,850 --> 00:15:02,200
Do you still want me to
sign your brace, Sid?
332
00:15:02,230 --> 00:15:04,900
No, Shirley. God!
333
00:15:04,980 --> 00:15:07,700
You're friggin' obsessed with me.
334
00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:12,880
Ooh. Hot damn!
335
00:15:12,980 --> 00:15:15,740
Tippy's place is really swanky.
336
00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:18,530
Nothing but the best for
my Joanie Macaroni.
337
00:15:18,660 --> 00:15:20,790
Here's a little
housewarming gift for you.
338
00:15:20,870 --> 00:15:23,320
- Thank you. Mm.
- Hey, uh, Hank,
339
00:15:23,340 --> 00:15:25,170
do you think I could have a
minute alone with Joanie?
340
00:15:25,210 --> 00:15:27,520
Yeah. I'll go look for
Tippy, see if she's
341
00:15:27,540 --> 00:15:29,630
- moved on to the afterlife.
- Okay.
342
00:15:29,670 --> 00:15:32,170
Sweet spirit! Show thyself!
343
00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:37,340
So, uh, you and Hank seem
to be having a good time.
344
00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:38,640
How do you feel about him?
345
00:15:38,660 --> 00:15:40,850
Oh, he's fine. He seems
to be really into me.
346
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,320
He kind of reminds me of the
guy that I used to date
347
00:15:44,340 --> 00:15:46,419
in Colorado Springs who
had the banjo and...
348
00:15:46,420 --> 00:15:47,759
No, no, no, no.
349
00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:49,700
We're not turning Hank
into one of our stories.
350
00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:51,940
He's my friend, and I don't
want to see him get hurt.
351
00:15:52,070 --> 00:15:53,800
We're just having a little fun.
352
00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:55,160
No one's gonna get hurt.
353
00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:57,360
Well, well, well.
354
00:15:59,060 --> 00:16:02,660
Joanie, are you ready to put
the "happy" in happy hour?
355
00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:04,000
- Uh, George.
- Hmm?
356
00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:06,560
I thought we were going
to meet downstairs.
357
00:16:06,580 --> 00:16:08,330
So you have a date with George?
358
00:16:08,420 --> 00:16:10,790
I thought you said Hank
wasn't gonna get hurt.
359
00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:13,000
He's not. George and I
are just gonna head out,
360
00:16:13,020 --> 00:16:16,340
and you can tell Hank that I
went to see the Grand Canyon.
361
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:18,080
He's not an idiot.
362
00:16:18,110 --> 00:16:21,300
Bad news... Tippy's not
ready to leave yet.
363
00:16:21,390 --> 00:16:23,310
I think I've angered her.
364
00:16:23,430 --> 00:16:25,180
What are you doing here?
365
00:16:25,270 --> 00:16:27,770
I'm here to pick up Joanie.
366
00:16:27,900 --> 00:16:29,350
I can't believe you're going out
367
00:16:29,380 --> 00:16:31,650
with this Vincent Price knockoff.
368
00:16:32,940 --> 00:16:34,530
Joanie...
369
00:16:34,610 --> 00:16:36,800
why are you holding those weeds?
370
00:16:36,820 --> 00:16:40,240
- Here, let me upgrade you, girl.
- I gave them to her.
371
00:16:40,330 --> 00:16:42,300
Well, perhaps you could return them
372
00:16:42,330 --> 00:16:46,540
to the grocery store bucket
from whence they came.
373
00:16:46,670 --> 00:16:48,540
Well, how about this?
374
00:16:48,670 --> 00:16:50,580
Why don't I break your hip bone in two
375
00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:52,880
with my bare hands, you brittle bitch?
376
00:16:54,130 --> 00:16:56,540
- Try me, Chief.
- All right,
377
00:16:56,580 --> 00:16:58,630
that's enough, guys.
378
00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:00,680
I can actually hear George's heart.
379
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,010
and I don't think it's the
right number of beats.
380
00:17:03,140 --> 00:17:05,080
George, go downstairs and wait.
381
00:17:05,120 --> 00:17:07,140
Uh, take the elevator.
382
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:11,520
See you around... goober.
383
00:17:11,610 --> 00:17:15,230
Well, shouldn't you get back
to tending bar in The Shining?
384
00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:18,110
I thought we had something.
385
00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:21,410
I hope Tippy haunts your two-timing ass.
386
00:17:22,450 --> 00:17:23,530
Wow.
387
00:17:23,620 --> 00:17:25,450
What is he so wound up about?
388
00:17:25,540 --> 00:17:27,640
Maybe he thought you were into him,
389
00:17:27,660 --> 00:17:30,040
and then another guy shows
up to take you out?
390
00:17:30,170 --> 00:17:33,360
So I can't date two people?
391
00:17:33,420 --> 00:17:35,680
Since when have you become so judgy?
392
00:17:35,700 --> 00:17:38,050
We used to do that kind of
thing to guys all the time.
393
00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:40,380
Yeah, but this guy is my friend.
394
00:17:40,510 --> 00:17:42,190
And so am I,
395
00:17:42,220 --> 00:17:45,180
and I have known you longer than Hank.
396
00:17:45,310 --> 00:17:47,720
Boy, Shlubby Melons
397
00:17:47,750 --> 00:17:50,060
- has really changed you.
- [CHUCKLES]: Oh...
398
00:17:50,150 --> 00:17:51,420
It is Shady Meadows.
399
00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:54,220
You know damn well it
isn't Shlubby Melons.
400
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:55,319
And you know what?
401
00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:57,070
I don't think you should move in here.
402
00:17:57,110 --> 00:18:00,119
- What? Why?
- Because our whole friendship
403
00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:02,570
has been you making a mess
and me cleaning it up.
404
00:18:02,700 --> 00:18:05,880
Oh, yeah? Well, here's
another mess for you.
405
00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:08,040
Well, I'm not gonna
clean it up this time.
406
00:18:09,620 --> 00:18:11,900
Yes, you're gonna clean it up, Margaret.
407
00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:14,710
God knows I don't want
to piss off Tippy.
408
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,400
There you are.
409
00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:32,520
I just figured I'd put one more drink
410
00:18:32,540 --> 00:18:34,440
on your tab before I hit the highway.
411
00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:37,270
Okay, two drinks.
412
00:18:37,420 --> 00:18:39,420
[CHUCKLES]: Hey. Hey, I'm sor...
413
00:18:39,500 --> 00:18:41,500
And some fruit.
414
00:18:41,630 --> 00:18:43,210
[MARGARET CHUCKLES]
415
00:18:43,340 --> 00:18:46,800
I'm sorry I got so upset back there.
416
00:18:46,890 --> 00:18:50,260
I guess you're right... Shady
Meadows has changed me.
417
00:18:50,300 --> 00:18:53,170
We had a lot of fun for a lot of years,
418
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,620
but I just find the older I get,
419
00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:58,100
the more I want my chaos contained.
420
00:18:58,230 --> 00:19:00,100
It's okay. I mean, I-I get it.
421
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:02,190
And I'm sorry that you always felt
422
00:19:02,220 --> 00:19:04,570
like you had to clean up my messes.
423
00:19:05,570 --> 00:19:07,150
Probably not a great idea
424
00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:08,900
for me to live here.
425
00:19:09,220 --> 00:19:12,240
It's not that I don't love you, Joanie,
426
00:19:12,370 --> 00:19:15,080
but I made three really good
friends when I moved in here,
427
00:19:15,100 --> 00:19:16,500
and I don't want to mess that up.
428
00:19:16,580 --> 00:19:18,710
Yeah, they're goofy. They're just...
429
00:19:18,790 --> 00:19:21,420
they're not very bright.
430
00:19:21,500 --> 00:19:23,920
But they're always there for me.
431
00:19:24,010 --> 00:19:27,250
Hey, why don't you buy a
place down in Phoenix?
432
00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:28,440
I'll come visit you,
433
00:19:28,470 --> 00:19:31,020
and I can have sex with
all of your friends?
434
00:19:31,060 --> 00:19:33,010
Oh, that sounds good.
435
00:19:33,090 --> 00:19:35,420
- [LAUGHS]
- I'm not kidding.
436
00:19:41,940 --> 00:19:43,930
Will you sign the cast already?
437
00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:46,270
Just sign the friggin' cast.
438
00:19:46,350 --> 00:19:48,900
Okay. But it has to be perfect.
439
00:19:48,940 --> 00:19:51,230
Short, cute, funny. Like me.
440
00:19:51,270 --> 00:19:53,820
Okay, well, it's sign it
now or sign it never.
441
00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:55,530
I'm not gonna have this
thing on much longer.
442
00:19:55,650 --> 00:19:56,820
Fine.
443
00:19:56,910 --> 00:20:00,160
Get well soon.
444
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,380
Love, Sid.
445
00:20:02,460 --> 00:20:05,120
Oh, my God. I'm a hack.
446
00:20:05,210 --> 00:20:07,790
And a heart over the eye. Really?
447
00:20:07,830 --> 00:20:10,670
Why didn't you just write,
"You look good plastered"?
448
00:20:13,550 --> 00:20:15,170
Damn it!
449
00:20:15,260 --> 00:20:17,600
Well, good news:
450
00:20:17,620 --> 00:20:19,970
the men of Shady Meadows are safe.
451
00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:22,720
I talked to Joanie. She's
not gonna move in.
452
00:20:22,850 --> 00:20:24,890
I'm really sorry she hurt you, buddy.
453
00:20:25,020 --> 00:20:27,170
Hurt me? Oh, she didn't hurt me.
454
00:20:27,230 --> 00:20:29,140
It's all part of the plan.
455
00:20:29,230 --> 00:20:30,520
Plan?
456
00:20:30,650 --> 00:20:32,060
Yeah, that's right.
457
00:20:32,110 --> 00:20:34,010
- The plan to get rid of her.
- Oh.
458
00:20:34,030 --> 00:20:35,700
See, I slept with her,
459
00:20:35,740 --> 00:20:38,440
then I acted all clingy
to push her away.
460
00:20:38,460 --> 00:20:39,660
But I couldn't tell you guys,
461
00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:41,520
'cause it was on a need-to-know basis.
462
00:20:42,910 --> 00:20:45,080
But the good news is
I'm not hurt at all.
463
00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:47,620
Matter of fact, I like coming
home to a empty apartment.
464
00:20:47,710 --> 00:20:49,080
Yeah, I do.
465
00:20:50,830 --> 00:20:53,140
Right. Well...
466
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:55,550
gee, Hank, thank you
for doing that for us.
467
00:20:55,630 --> 00:20:58,260
I don't know what we
would do without you.
468
00:20:58,380 --> 00:21:01,050
I'm a little confused
469
00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:02,510
about some of the details.
470
00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:05,510
So, when you acted all into
Joanie, that wasn't real?
471
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:08,020
No, that was all part of the plan.
472
00:21:08,070 --> 00:21:10,140
But I heard you crying in your room.
473
00:21:10,230 --> 00:21:12,400
How can that be part of the plan?
474
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,980
Well, I knew you were outside listening,
475
00:21:15,070 --> 00:21:17,150
so...
476
00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:19,860
it was all... part of the plan.
477
00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:23,420
Then you teamed up with George.
478
00:21:23,500 --> 00:21:24,780
You hate each other.
479
00:21:24,870 --> 00:21:26,370
Plan.
480
00:21:26,450 --> 00:21:28,420
Those crappy flowers?
481
00:21:28,470 --> 00:21:29,790
Plan!
482
00:21:31,300 --> 00:21:35,300
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